Does anyone else absolutely fucking loathe first person pov in fics or is that just a me thing

niyaaaa do u have any tips for people who wanna get into fic writing? 👀

i don’t really get how the whole posting format for fics works on here tbh 😭 and like your info area it’s so cool

YEAH OFC!! btw dm me your username so i can follow and support you <3

tip 1- the posting format isnt that hard to get used to actually its just you create a tumblr text post and then copy and paste your fic onto it, add the tags and stuff then post it. if you want to add banners, headers and stuff to make it look better then go ahead, just add images to the text post

tip 2- the info area is the same as above, just add pictures of your choice etc to the text post, add your information, name, age, fav things etc and then to link posts to your post, highlight where u want the link to go, then copy the link of the post u want linked then press the hyperlink that looks like two chains linked together when you highlight the text if that makes sense? sounds like a lot but its rlly not i promise haha

tip 3- always type your fics on other apps like word or google docs since they have an auto save feature!! i dont reccomend typing your fics on tumblr since one if the app crashes, it doesn't automatically save your work so everything you wrote will get deleted (some versions of tumblr do have autosave, my laptop has it but my phone and iPad doesn't, so i dont rely on it)

tip 4- idk if you want tips on actual fic writing or just how to get your fics onto tumblr but ill help you with that anyway. with me when i write fics i always imagine it out in my head. theres some of my fics where i just went with the flow and wrote wgatever came to mind and those are the fics i hate the most because they dont rlly make sense to me. theyre always so random and it just seems rushed and bad.

i picture my fics like a scene in my head and whatever i want the character to do, think, say or feel i write that shit down asap. i use other online sources to help get more descriptive like the emotion theasurus <- honestly one of my favourite things to use ever, they have so much body language to use for every emotion in the damn book

dialogue is also something i find difficult. i've improved i personally feel like but its still hard for me especially if im writing a new character. i never want to make the character seem OOC so i do lots of research before hand. i normally use the wiki to read up on a characters personality.

for example i'll use ran for this since he's like 99% of my account lmao. in the wiki, he's described as "naturally whimsical toward others which makes him inscrutable" though ran doesnt have many scenes in the manga (which i hate bc i love him sm) its impossible to actually write him down to a tee so i use that naturally whimsical description to make him playful, charismatic, carefree etc, going off what little information i have with him.

getting a characters personality down is what can make or break a dialogue. for me when im reading a fic of a character and their dialogue is so OOC it puts me off and i dont even wanna read. so i apply my same fic icks to myself and think if I don't like seeing this and that in a fic, why would I incorporate those in my fics and have ppl get put off it if they have the same fic icks as me?

hope that makes sense!!

tip 5- dont rush yourself at all. i used to rush a few of my fics and i just ended up hating it so much after and fought bck the urge to delete them so many times but then i'd see people's comments and realise i was being too harsh on myself. i'd keep them up but i'd just hate seeing them get attention.

rushing only makes you hate your work and the quality of your work will decline if you are not in the right headspace.

thats also why i have the don't rush me thing in my rules because not only is it annoying to see people constantly asking for updates, it also makes me mad because i know i'll just put out a piece of garbage if i did rush.

also another tip don't give yourself deadlines!! if you know your writing consistency can be a little sloppy, don't tell your followers that you're going to upload every so and so day. if something happens and you miss the deadline, you'll feel bad and rush something out and most times out of ten, a rushed fic doesn't do well. so take your time and don't rush.

tip 6- dont listen to what other people say or feel obligated to write something you don't wanna. establish your boundaries!! for example, from day one i started this blog i said im accepting requests but i will not write anything to do with non-con, incest or minors. i made sure that was out there so i wouldn't feel uncomforable writing anything i wasn't comfy with.

there are people on this app that may like your writing and request you to write something for them. you are not obligated to write anything for anyone! don't feel like you have to just because they asked nicely.

if you want to accept requests you can im not saying you shouldn't, im saying don't feel like you have to. you always have a choice. its your blog.

tip 7- remember this isn't a job. you're allowed to take breaks, allowed to have a personal life. don't feel like you need to be updating every day. i used to think i was obligated to be uploading consistently at least every week because i was obsesssed with engagement and seeing peoples comments and was scared if i took a break ppl will unfollow. now i honestly don't care. i'm not active as much as i used to because of school and that's fine! if ppl want to leave, let them. don't feel like you're forced to keep being active in order to keep your follower count stable.

tip 8- this app can get really toxic sometimes. luckily enough i've only had one toxic anon in my inbox and i've been on this app for a year. some people have so many, some ppl get harrassed etc. if that happens to you just be prepared since there's no actual way to find out who's behind anons. you can turn off your anon options which means if ppl want to inbox you something then their account will be showing. some people arent comfortable with that and that's fine! i keep mine on because i want people to feel comfortable on my page.

just remember though if you ever feel like this app is getting overwhelming take breaks! for the sake of your mental health take breaks. i know so many writers on here that took breaks and came back healthier and stronger.

i feel like this tip goes for social media in general. as much as i love social media im aware how unhealthy it is. breaks are so important for you. remember that.

i can't think of anymore tips right now but if i have some more i will edit the post and add it on.

if u have anymore questions about the tumblr posting format dm me and ill help you out :))

Okay so I just got hit with covid for the first time and I am ILL(TM) so there’s a high chance none of this is coherent, BUT I am a firm believer that you should always write for you. Which means that if you want to put the /tntduo tag on Rose, you should just do it because ultimately the people who don’t want to read that can either get over it or go read something else. Write the story you want to write and would want to read and the right audience will find it. (This is me begging you to say Fuck it we Ball.)

Also, I ran as soon as I saw there was a new summary, but I had zero time to scream about it and then I got sick, but now I’m going to scream about it anyway. I do think the snippet is a lot better than the first summary and now that we are slightly further in the story you can already reveal why Tommy is there. What gets me more is the description itself.

Assassinations?!? Like that was kinda a given, but having the confirmation has me excited. But more importantly THE IMPLICATION THAT THE CHOICE IS IN WILBUR’S HANDS? The implication that he has the power to control who will be chosen. Like either because Sam might outright ask him, or because he’s pulling the strings, it it would say Phil then, so that kinda also implies that Phil will still take whatever choice Wilbur makes. And yes I know it says guided by his father, but still.

And then the kicker [Wilbur must choose between loyalty, love, and power.] or in order: Niki, Quackity, and Tommy. Niki being loyalty is obvious, they are childhood best friends, but that loyalty is already wavering. Quackity being love is why we need that damn tag (I am LOOKING again). And Tommy is power because he’s the easiest to take advatange of, which means that if Wilbur plays his cards right, he could turn Tommy into his puppet king. (He could be that unspoken, most powerful man in the country, himself). But I kinda already sent an ask about that.

(1/2)

-🎄

OH NO I’m so sorry spruce!! I’ve been a little sick the past few days but it’s not Covid I think it’s just a cold that won’t go away. I’m sorry for you though I hope you’re getting plenty of fluids and rest

Also you and Eli are both firmly in the camp of fuck it we ball so I think I will end up putting the tag on the fic because it really does lend an interesting layer of complexity to their characters relationship

Yesss I liked the new snippet for the summary a lot more, I wanted to use a snippet from ch 2 for the summary back when I first was publishing rose but the problem was I hadn’t written ch 2 yet lol. But yeah of course a royal political drama was going to involve assassinations, who do you think I am? :) /lh

Wilbur and Phil are both going to have a lot of influence over who gets picked, you’ll see. And I’m glad you figured out the three traits and who they line up with so fast. Eli wrote that whole bit (really anything past the snippet was actually from Eli bc I’m so bad at writing summaries) and I was like THATS SO GOOD when they sent it to me.

But yea, the three options. Loyalty, love, or power. Because Tommy will give him so much power. It’s a matter of putting ambition above everything else.

MIRACULOUS FIC RECOMENDATIONS!! (Part 2)

You can find part 1 here.

The first one was really popular! So I decided to make a second part.

The rules are the same:

All of the fics will be rated Teen and up audiences or lower. Also if I don’t put the author’s tumblr is because they didn’t put it in the fic or/and I couldn’t find it.

The only thing that changes is that I would be putting the pairing in the description of the fic.

Without further ado...

Written in the Stars by Boogum (@botherkupo here on tumblr!)

Pairing: Marichat and Adrienette.

He was the god of destruction. She was a princess whose kingdom had been prophesied to fall. To save her people, she became his wife. To save him, she would have to do the impossible. The castle has secrets, the gods are watching, and time is running out.

Chapters: 37/37

TW for mild violence.

Arrange marriage, God AU. While I'm making this list, I still haven't finished the fic, but I had to recommend it because is THAT good. The way I gasped out loud while reading some of the plot twists. The worldbuilding is so good, and even if you aren't into AUs that deviate a lot from cannon like me, I 100% reccomend it.

Need a Lift? again by Boogum.

Pairing: DJWifi

Getting stranded on a foreign planet sucked. Luckily for Nino, his rival was willing to give him a lift home. Unluckily for Nino, she was beautiful and funny and he might just be in love with her.

Chapters: 1/1

Space Bounty Hunter AU! Really sweet and funny. If you are into flustered!Nino then this fic is for you.

hey, you by peachcitt (@peachcitt here on tumblr!)

Pairing: Adrienette

“Have you ever had a dream about someone that changes the way you think of them?”

or Adrien has a dream about Marinette.

Chapters: 1/1

Okay so, peachcitt is one of my favorite ml writers. Everything that they write is sooo good y'all, and i'm already a sucker for adrienette, so I cannot recommend this fic (or any of theirs) enough.

double dare again by peachcitt (I told ya!)

Pairing: Ladrien (with lots of sided ladynoir)

“Don’t ever do that again,” Marinette says, maybe a little too emphatically, and Adrien looks at her, his expression quiet. His cheeks, Marinette notices, are a little red.

“But I wanted to save you,” he says.

or Ladybug and Adrien can't seem to stop running into each other. (whether that is on accident or on purpose is nobody's business but their own, of course).

Chapters: 30/30

This was a ladrien june fic! Every chapter corresponds to the day's prompts but it also continues a story. If that doesn't make you want to read it then I don't know what it will. I fear fanfic writers, they're insane.

(not) so much by therentyoupay (@therentyoupayfanfiction here on tumblr!)

Pairing: Marichat and adrienette

(The claws are sharp, but the host of Destruction—for all of his loudmouth chaos and lack of reserve—is paradoxically careful.)

Chapters: 1/1

In which Chat Noir pays a visit not long after Marinette has made a pretty difficult decision, and they accidentally make a routine.

Prompt: Marinette gives Chat a hickey. Adrien has a suspiciously similar looking hickey the next day at school...

Gotta be honest with y'all, I did not expect this fic to be as good as it is. The adrienette has everything a stablished!Marichat should have. Marinette conflicted with her feelings? Check. Adrien being a hot mess bc That's My Girlfriend But She Doesn't Know That? Check. Them being absolute idiots? Check. It's good!

Doctor, Doctor, Give Me The News (Your Lips Is The Only Cure I Could Use) by BreG21.

Pairing: Adrienette

Rainwater sloshed up from the pools they had made on the sidewalk and coated his jean pants with every step he took. He couldn't bring himself to care.

He sniffed away some of the water that dribbled down his matted head. "Yeah?"

He paused as if to consider his words while Adrien stared down at him, so lost. "You weren't wrong when you thought you knew. A part of you wanted it to be her, but it was too perfect, you let the illusion fool you because how would you get that lucky. But trust me, Adrien. You weren't wrong."

He wasn't wrong? What was he not wrong about?

You weren't wrong. You want it to be her.

And it finally clicked as a small gasp wisped past his lips. He wasn't wrong.

In which, Plagg falls ill, and with Fu gone and Ladybug being the guardian now, has to go find her civilian self-even with the knowledge that she might not like that-is shocked to realize that even with having the kwami that was supposed to embodied the very being of bad luck, Adrien could conclude the very opposite of what he had thought for so long.

He was so very lucky.

Chapters: 1/1

I screamed so hard while reading this fic. It's just one of those who gets the characters right. Do you like a good reveal? Go read this now.

Operation Mega Sleepover by InTheWild (@smellerbeee here on tumblr!)

Pairing: Adrienette

When Alya and Nino drop out of their long awaited mega-sleepover at the last minute, it leaves Marinette and Adrien alone together for the night. An Adrinette one-shot with lots of fluff and sleepover shenanigans.

Chapters: 1/1

I just,,, I love adrienette fluff so much,,, I love them,,,

You, Me & A Little Bit Of The Future by joonapeach.

Pairing: this is a fortunate case of all lovesquare shenanigans™

Marinette expects some disaster on her first outing alone with Adrien.

She just doesn't expect that disaster to be her future self passing off a baby for her to take care of with Adrien.

(Alternatively... two idiots obliviously in love cooing over their daughter while acting like they have no idea whose kid this is.)

Chapters: 1/1

I think the description says anything that it needs to be said. It's really sweet and funny and I love how they just change their minds so quickly and get emo for literally nothing. Peak shakesperean dumbasery.

The entire Marry That Girl series by Miraculous_Max (Maximilian_Alexander).

Pairing: Adrienette

Let’s say Marinette has a special sketchbook. This sketchbook is filled with drawings of their future house, of Adrien as an adult in multiple occupational settings, of Marinette and Adrien’s wedding, and most importantly, their future children.

Let's say Adrien found this sketchbook.

Works: 8 (All are 1/1 chapters)

Just realized how this list exposes me as number 1 adrienette sucker... oh well. I love how Adrien doesn't feel weirded out by the intensity of Marinette's crush. He likes it! He's as weird and romantic as her! That's one of the reasons I love the lovesquare so much and it makes me happy to see that everyone is in the same boat with me.

Strenght by 11JJ11.

Pairing: Adrienette

Marinette knew she was much stronger than she looked thanks to being a hero. So when her class had an arm wrestling contest she knew that she could beat all of them with ease, but she wasn't expecting anyone else to come close.

Chapters: 1/1

Good ol' accidental reveal feat. the entire class shenanigans. I, once again, screamed for an adrienette fic. Who could've thought.

Super Fan by Taliax.

Pairing: Ladrien

It was a good thing Alya was holding the phone and not her, because it would have slipped from her fingers and shattered. How had she not noticed? She had been there, and somehow she’d missed her crush looking at her like she was an angel sent from heaven.

Forget the perfume ad. This picture was going to be her new desktop.

(In which Marinette realizes that she and Adrien might both be obsessive fans.)

Chapters: 1/1

Canon divergent from after Gorizilla. They're so dumb. That's my opinion on this fic.

How to Kiss Your Crush in Five Minutes or Less also by Taliax.

Pairing: Ladrien

He just needed to know if Ladybug needed Chat Noir. He didn't expect to learn just how much she wanted Adrien.

This would be the best five minutes of his life, if he didn't expect her to forget it.

Chapters: 1/1

CW for making out.

Set during Desperada. I promise there's a happy ending. Also Luka is there for some reason, felt really bad for him.

Laying Down the Rules: The Gabriel Agreste Clauses by LadyKae

Gen

Adrien leaves the manor on a dark and stormy night and seeks sanctuary at the only place he feels safe: The Home of the Dupain-Cheng Family. When Sabine learns why her dear boy is fleeing to her home in the middle of the night, she makes a personal visit to one Gabriel Agreste.

There's more rules in play, but not for Adrien and Marinette.

Chapters: 1/1

This is just Sabine going to beat the fuck out of Gabriel and it's really satifying ngl

4am. by hannieks

Pairing: post-reveal lovesquare

In which Adrien has the cat tendency to wake up their owners at stupid o'clock, and Marinette just wants to sleep. Cuteness ensues.

Chapters: 1/1

Really short but really sweet. If you like Adrien acting like a cat then you would like this.

Can I Date You(r Character)? by midnightstarlightwrites (@midnightstarlightwrites here on tumblr!)

Pairing: Adrienette

Adrien turned to her, something unreadable in his gaze. “Are you ok with this?” he asked.

And what a loaded question that was. Was she ok with it? Was she ok with the one guy she couldn’t seem to get over in real life kissing her in a game of Dungeons and Dragons? When she put it like that, it seemed a bit silly to get so worked up.

It was just a game...right?

She was ok with it, right?

“Sure,” she lied. “I’m ok with it.”

When Adrien's character falls in love with Marinette's, they decided to date in-game. What could go wrong?

Chapters: 7/?

THIS ONE IS SO CUTE. You want to scream??? Read this.

two idiots and a hamster by Boogum (again) and carpisuns (@carpisuns here on tumblr)

Pairing: Adrienette

How do you hide your superhero identity from your roommate? (spoiler alert: badly)

Chapters: 5/?

Once @anna-scribbles described this fic as "is literally the closest i’ve ever seen a fic come to matching the energy of canon", and I couldn't have described it better.

And that's all for now! Next time I will probably make an only DJWifi list since I've been treating them so dirty lol.

Jaemin Fic Recs

**BOLD = PERSONAL FAVOURITES, MUST READ

All credits to the original writers! I just want to share and recommend some of the texts that I really loved reading. All the information about each text is taken directly from the post, written by the original author.

Last updated: 2021/02/15

(please let me know if the links don’t work <3)

**The Chase by @choerrypuffs​

slight angst, fluff, get’s spicy towards the end, fuck boy!jaemin, one-shot (3.8k+)

summary: you were not going to be another notch on an jaemin’s belt

[1:47 a.m.] by @starboyten​

******Speechless by @meraki-mark​

nonidol!au university!au, selectively mute!Jaemin, Fluff, angst, but happy ending, one-shot (4.6k)

Summary: After a cute boy drops by the coffee shop you work at almost everyday and writes his order on a piece of paper continues to stay silent. You get curious.

Wanigs: language, uh selective mutism (if that’s a warning), past vebral abuse, toxic relationship

THIS ONE IS SOOOOOO GOOOOOOD AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

Fast Lane by @hyuckiebabie​

angst, some fluff, one shot (8.2k)

Summary: you were a match made in heaven, yet, sadly, matches burn out the brightest in the holy fire. He was agonizingly beautiful. He loved deeply with his whole heart; he fell in love almost too hard, as if he were damned, falling deeply into the dark despair of Tartarus. And as hard as he loved her was even harder to be loved.

Running Circles Through Time by @agustdomain​

Best Friend!au, Angst, Fluff, one shot (12.7k)

Synopsis: You weren’t sure when he started to become a regular thought in your mind. It was subtle, yet inevitable. The only problem was perhaps the feeling wasn’t mutual after all.

Warnings: Language

**Erode by @jenuminous​

angst, fluff, short enemies to lovers! au, terminally ill! jaemin x fem! reader, descriptions of illness, blood, death, and… uh angsty stuff, one-shot (6.6k)

Summary: that summer night’s almost gone, but you’re still going to be here, right? maybe he should’ve started realizing when he got nosebleeds every now and then. maybe if you could’ve handled everything much better, maybe. maybe he would’ve stayed longer, or happier.

BROOOOOOO I LITERALLY SHED SO MANY TEARS READING THIS ONE

The Adventure by @jaeminlore​

fluff, minor angst, one-shot (4.8k)

the prompt: can you write a prince!jaemin au bc i love that boy sm pls.

Spark Up by @tryagainmv​

fluff, angst, social media au, written au, series (complete)

summary: y/n is jaemin’s childhood friend, but when she moves back to her hometown all different types of sparks fly.

warnings: drug mentions, death, suggestive material, mentions of abuse, language, violence

so,,,some of you wouldn't mind some fic recs so here's me recommending my favorite lawlight fics you probably have read before but i ramble about it anyway. here you go :

and indeed there will be time (incomplete/abandoned?)

Soulmate AU where you stop aging at 18 until you meet your soulmate. I'd say this is my favorite fanfiction of all time. Seriously. Doesn't make me cry hard but makes me cry repeatedly. The emotions, the bitterweetness, the writing, the characterization, the yearning UGHH. It's just out of this world. Every morning I check on this fic in case it's not abandoned after all bcs I have more hope on an update of this fic than life itself.

white chocolate roses (completed) & romance (oneshot sequel)

AU where Light is a cardiologist and L is his terminally ill patient. I didn't know what I expected, but I did not expect crying so hard that i still cry sometimes when i think abt it. The characterization is AMAZING and don't get me started with the writing. If you can tell what's gonna happen just by looking at the description and you can't take heavy angst, I don't think this fic is for you (srsly if someone warn me i'd never read it). But the last paragraph of romance tho....

This is How I Disappear (completed)

Canon divergence where L wins and Light is executed. You might know about this one, as you should. It's a genfic, but holy shit FEELS. Pure pain and beautiful writing, amazing characterization and oh my poor little heart. Even the description of light's bedroom made me weep. The relationship between soichiro and light really hits hard. It also explores L's feelings towards light, and it's very very canon. Simply one of the best dn fanfiction out there, really.

(more under the cut bcs it's long)

Seeking His Hand (incomplete)

Historical AU where L is a gentry seeking Light's hands for marriage. Regency era hoes come get your juice. Seriously, I'd sell my left lung to read this fic for the first time again. It'll bring you so much happiness for being the most romantic lawlight fic ever, and is really good. It's in character as far as historical au can go. the sexual tension between this two oh my god I can't wait, this one is amazing.

Of Music (incomplete/abandoned?)

AU where Light is a stressed college student who loves orchestra shows and meets L, their relationship grows through every show they attend. There's a lot of complication but not too dramatic, it's like enemies to lovers and friends to lovers being mushed together perfectly. Very interesting and oh my god the sexual tension between them and the teasings...i can't even. Misa's only here for like 5 seconds but holy shit i want to marry her. Probs abandoned but you can see the last chapter as an ending or open ending at least.

sugar and pumpkin spice (oneshot)

The best lawlight coffee shop AU. Seriously, you'll love it. As you can tell, I'm a fluff person and this...this is my comfort fic. The one that makes me slam the table after reading and screamed "I WANT MORE OF THESE KIND OF SHIT". Really heartwarming, really sweet, probably not for everyone because of that, but it is def written for me.

Silver Bells (oneshot)

About L and Light spending a real fucking soft christmas day as a married couple. You know i have a certain weakness for ships being married AND christmas. It is a win win but very fucking underrated. I love that it still includes the kira past but don't specify the redemption (the way i love my fix it/happy canon divergence). This is just golden and domestic and soft and i cried reading and rereading it.

One Last Night (oneshot)

Divorce. That's it that's the plot. But oh it will break your heart, build it, and break it again. This one is just...beautiful. the wording...the characterization- the pain. I'm not feeling the best while writing this so...i dont want to explain further i ignore tw for this i almost say it's worth it but pls don't do that so just go read it yourself, it's 👌👌

Change Of Circumstances (oneshot)

Another comfort fic. About Light being a Wammy's kid, building a friendship with L over the years until they fall in love. Seriously, we(me) need more Wammy!Light. This one is just cute. I don't know what to say other than it's just sooo adorable how they build a really strong connection and then fall in love. Childhood friends to lovers isn't the best au for lawlight imo but this one nailed it.

Wedding Date (oneshot)

About L and Light in Sayu's wedding. It's romantic in a lawlight way yknow. I just can't describe it but this fic makes me feel good. I mean, what a dream, to be in a wedding date amirite? And damn the yagami siblings really love the english (yes im quoting a song).

so there you go...i really am rambling. they're my favorite favorite lawlight fics and i have MORE (oneshots bcs it's hard to read multichap these days). but lmk if you want another one. you can tell my fic taste in here lmao but yeah that's all for me exposing my sappy ass.

1, 8, 16, 18, 22, 23

1. give short descriptions of all your current WIPs.

well we got... the smut. which... takes place in the construction trailer. thats all im willing to say about it lmao

then i got the happiest season au so thats festive. 

then i got chapter 2 of the harringrove childhood best friends fic which is focusing on the high school years which will be super fun once get past the wall i hit but its fine its chill i got it

then i attempted to start 2 other fics a few weeks ago when i was feeling supes depressed lol and those were penelope reaching out to fp after freds funeral (as i said... i was depressed lmao) and the other one is sad christas where fred and fp make sweet love under the twinkling christmas lights but then have a big fight after bc that still sounds fun to me. dont know when those are ever gonna get finished but like... theyre there. i only got like one paragraph in to both of them tho so

8. which of your own projects have shaped your writing the most? in what way?

i think my writings been consistently terrible so this is not the question for me lmao whichever one i wrote first has pretty much just... set the tone

16. to what extent do you research for your writing?

the most research i ever put into any of my fics was googling when video game consoles were popularized in the home for the harringrove fic i fucking hate writing pre 90s i dont know shit. but beyond that the most im googling is like what year a song or movie came out

18. how do what you look for in your own writing vs someone else’s coincide? how does your writing influence your reading?

i dont think my writing influences my reading. as for the first question, i will say with smut i can read a LOT of shit, a LOT of certain language and im fine with it. but when it comes to me actually writing it suddenly i get so embarrassed and im like “this sounds cringey. no one writes it this way. dont use those words” but itll be about shit that is so commonplace in literally every smut fic ive ever read like i still cant reference balls it makes me uncomfortable lmfao but beyond that, im pretty critical of other peoples writing. like... to a certain extent i can put up with mistakes, but theres definitely a limit to that and even then im like fixing shit in my head to make it flow better as im reading. so the bar for me is always to just write better than the worst fics ive read. which... i can safely say i at least do that.

22. how much of your own self/experiences do you believe pours into your projects? if this differs per project, which projects have the most and least of you?

i simply have no experiences to draw from i am a hermit. i ... do not live life. even when i was younger i just... did not do anything lmao the only bits of myself/my experiences i can put in are like... mental illness. and even then i have yet to fully tap into that energy i dont know if any of us are ready for that level of negativity. (which... was probably gonna happen in those previously mentioned depression fics so its for the best we did not go there). oh but if you want a fun answer any time ive written gladys or alice roasting fp thats fully been me and how i interact with people

23. what do you do to engage with your projects which isn’t actually writing? ex: playlists, pinterest boards, etc. how much do they play a role in the development of your work?

i do none of those things. i dont actively pursue anything outside of writing for the fics. if i happen to come by something that inspires an idea then sure but im not out seeking it. ive tried making moodboards before for fics but i get annoyed cuz i can never find the pics i want and i give up. the only reason why murder fic has one is bc i was saving up pictures long before i even decided to write it

when i’m sad oh god i’m sad pt. 1

link to pt. 2

follows a very similar timeline to @tearxofink‘s fic Rules for a Functioning Alcoholic but will prob have differences (such as no established relationships) and takes place in @illogicallyinclined‘s hockey au after the mention of Remus possibly having undiagnosed bipolar disorder

update: i think its important to acknowledge roughly where this takes place in the big timeline bc D doesn’t really drink past freshman yr in this AU because of self preservation and trauma, alcoholism was more an issue before then in high school (when remus and d were Rowdy Boys) but the stress of Logan’s concussion lead to some heavy drinking that was caught quickly by Virgil because Remus Cannot Keep Secrets. 

summary: Remus has undiagnosed Bipolar Disorder and is dealing with a severe depressive episode in the aftermath of realizing that binge drinking with D wasn’t just his own search to Feel Something, but was also D’s relapse into alcoholism. Remus comes to the realization of lost time during manic episodes and refuses help.

tw: graphic descriptions of a depressive episode, self harm (burning),  suicidal thoughts, and suicidal intent (but not attempt). unhealthy coping mechanisms, alcohol abuse, mentioned alcoholism, undiagnosed mental illness, miscommunications on shared trauma, ask to tag if i missed any.

--

Remus doesn’t think he’s ever felt happy in his life. 

But that can’t be true. He’s sure it wasn't even two months ago he swore he’d never felt sad before in his life and he knows that one wasn’t true either.

Though, right now the younger Prince twin couldn’t even be certain he feels sad right now. He can identify some feelings, like dizziness (he stumbles through the lobby doors, it’s too bright out its giving him a headache that better not be a hangover), guilt (“Do you even think about anyone but yourself?” No, Virgil, you know Remus better than that. “You know how hard getting sober was the first time, D suddenly taking you out to the bar during the week didn’t raise any flags?” It didn’t, Remus is too self absorbed), and most importantly something he can’t quite label that came in through his lungs smoother than the cheap cigarettes he hates (but uses as an excuse to turn himself into a human ashtray) and settled deep inside him just under a month ago (weeks before D suggested goiung to the club on w Tuesday evening for the first time in almost a year) and it's getting heavier and heavier every day. Possibly, relief was felt when he was greeted by a totally empty apartment instead of a holier-than-thou brother trying to enforce ‘responsibility’ and his first real friend whom he recently enabled in a relapse. 

The normally obnoxious and loud man silently rides the elevator to their floor, tripping over his own feet as he exits not even offering a head bop to the cheesy elevator music. He enters the apartment and slams the door harder than necessary but can’t bring himself to feel bad. There's no elegance or emotion to closing his door, landing on his bed full clothed after barely kicking off his shoes and grabbing the controller to turn on Netflix and select the first Saw movie.

--

It’s halfway through the second movie when he hears someone return home and make what is probably lunch before leaving again. He takes a moment to wonder if his professors or classmates notice his absence or if they’re just thankful for it. He’s sober and he feels the burns on his ankles and arms throb in time with his black eye. God he wishes he wasn’t, but pissed off his last more-than-a-little-sketchy friend and he doesn’t have the energy to find the stash he knows D hid in the apartment somewhere.

--

Just as Saw II ends and the third begins, he opens his window and lights up a cigarette with a lighter he knows he stole from someone. The smoke coats his throat and the terrible burning taste of nicotine sticks to the roof of his mouth, the headrush barely makes it worth it. Remus considers maybe he needs something stronger, Virgil seems like the type to secretly smoke weed. Wandering minds think about the movie he just watched and the classic needle pit, he certainly isn’t afraid of needles. He slams his head into the glass of his window and takes another drag. The reality of that thought would be a bigger issue than many things he’s done, it’s not often that he rejects things his brain throws at him. He stares out the window and a group of students pass and he sees the exact moment they smell his shitty cigarettes as they look around and glare when they see him. He realizes how often people look at him like that and it feels like the first time that it bothers him. He puts the cigarette out in his lower calf and holds it there until the darkened skin and burning pain is all he can think about

--

The fifth movie ends marking around 10 hours of blankly staring at the screen. He’s only wearing boxers and the ratty t-shirt he’s been wearing for days. Both roommates are home. The group chat is going off Remus briefly saw a few messages, a reminder about practice Thursday morning, Patton looking for baking suggestions, Virgil asked if anyone heard from Remus because they didn’t finish their discussion.

Remus mutes the chat for the first time and when his phone falls off the bed, doesn't bother reaching for it.

--

The eighth movie ends. It’s been darkout for awhile, though he isn’t sure quite how long. Remus really feels as if his body has melted and merged with the bed. He hopes he’s dying. He eats stale chips he had hidden in his nightstand and can’t even get out of bed to smoke half a cigarette and put it out on his exposed thigh.

He falls asleep after silencing his brain as best as he can right now.

--

The next time he wakes up the sun is either setting or rising. He doesn’t really care. The hockey player doesn’t really know if he's stayed still this long, almost ever. If he thinks about it though he is pretty sure he did this last spring. He’s also pretty sure no one noticed last time either. Sleeping seemed to have helped a little and he figured he could probably make a trip to the bathroom and maybe the kitchen if he’s lucky, he noticed that pizza box under his bed is smelling pretty terrible. It’s been four days since he was home spoke to anyone, and no one has checked in on him. He hasn’t left his room since his return, the gatorade bottle of piss is evidence of such. And miraculously, he actually manages to throw out the pizza, steal a ziplock bag full of Roman’s cereal, and use the bathroom. While washing his hands he stares at the shower and decides it’s waited four days, it can wait one more. Just before heading back to his room, Remus swipes the mickey of vodka he saw behind the flour. 

He watched the sun rise through his half open blinds and doesn’t remember the last time he saw the sun rise. Remus had yet to touch the vodka, mostly because it hit the floor hours ago and he’s pretty sure he can deal for a few more hours. Today marks day five in a world without Remus Prince opening his fucking mouth to say some dumb shit that probably hurt someone and he didnt even notice. Remus can’t bring himself to care. He can’t stop thinking about how no one has asked about him since. He read the groupchat, Remus knows he’s a nosey bitch, no one has asked about him since a halfhearted response from Roman implying he hadn’t been gone long enough to worry. This sparks a kind of exhausted anger and Remus feels no amount of guilt for stealing his brothers vodka. The smoke weighing him down from inside lulls him back into the bone deep fatigue with no release.

--

It’s night again, likely early in the morning. Remus’s head is a deep echoing cave of different ways he could die if he just got out of bed. He’s been thinking about the hunting knife he swiped at someone’s house party months ago, for a few hours maybe. He’s had many thoughts like this before, about how fragile human skin is, about how fun it could be to slice open, how warm his own blood would be as it flowed out and he could reach in and feel his final breath. 

God, does he want that. His hand reaches out and grabs his chest pulling on any skin he can grip onto as tight as he could. He’s never been good at anything, he knows he has never been a good person, he can’t stop circling around what Roman could possibly mean that Remus hasn’t been gone for long enough to worry when he’s so sure he’s never been gone more than three days. His phone though, if he goes back far enough in his phone, he thinks Roman is right. Google Maps places him in places he doesn’t recognize in cities he’s never been to. His chest seizing up in a way he’s only seen on others. 

He’s always been able to hold onto even if his parents didn’t love him, even if no one ever liked him or missed him, that Remus Prince was never fake, he never played nice, he never pretended to be someone he wasn’t he never hid his feelings about anything. If anyone asked him, he’d tell them and it’s their fault if it hurt their feelings. But, how can that be true now? Who is he on these days he doesn’t remember. 

Forgetting where he was or getting distracted midway through a task or conversation were always normal for him, the ADHD if he had to guess; but the realization it wasn’t minutes or even hours that he forgot upsets him in a way he didn’t think he could recognize. Remus thinks that this might be the closest he would ever get to understanding how so many people fear him. and he does not like it at all.

The knife is so close. He lights a cigarette. No one else is awake yet. No one has realized he’s even at home. How long would it take to find him? Days? Weeks? How long is he usually gone? Would the smell be what finally pulled someone into to check on him? He puts the cigarette out on his leg. He knows the knife is in the bottom drawer of his desk under old notebooks and packs of pens dumped loosely inside. It’s less than five feet away. He wants it.

He sits up, swings his legs numbly off the side of the bed and stands up. It feels like the hardest thing he’s ever had to do. In a mere three steps forward he sits down on the ground behind his desk chair to wretch open the drawer and sees just how messy it is. His phone goes off and he pulls it by the wire to check, a reminder for practice at 6am. He shoots Coach an apology text for missing practice for the first time in his hockey career and throws his phone back towards the bed. His body feels so heavy as he shoves a hand roughly into the drawer to search for the knife, frustration when he can’t immediately find it leads to him slamming his head into the wooden desk leg before letting it fall onto the chair cushion as his hand wiggles around for a few moments, each second filling him with aimless anger. The drawer slams shut and he flops onto the floor. 

He can’t even find the energy to kill himself. Pathetic. He glares at the desk from his place on the cool floor until the fatigue brings him back to sleep. 

01/01/2020 - 01/12/2020

HEYA!

So i read a lot of fanfic. like. a lot. of fanfic. its well written, awesome characters, amazing authors and artists, is something i can easily keep with me when I am on the go bc i can leave it open on my cell’s internet app, and its fun. fun to read, fun to connect w the creators, fun to experience characters in other ways. so what imma do on sundays - maybe weekly, maybe more spread out - is post links for all the fics i’ve read in that period. this is the first one. settle in for a crap ton of epically written works to which I claim absolutely no credit, i’m just a reader of these great works! Again, no credit to me, all credit to the amazing authors of these works!

I want my Dad! (5369 words) by Stormborn_88 Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017), Spider-Man - All Media Types, Iron Man (Movies) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence Relationships: Peter Parker & Tony Stark Characters: Peter Parker, Tony Stark, Original Characters, Ned Leeds Additional Tags: dad tony, son peter, Protective Tony Stark, peter whump, Hurt Peter, One Shot, Hurt/Comfort, Whump, Worried Tony Stark, Father-Son Relationship, Parent Tony Stark, Dad!Tony, Angry Tony Stark, Hurt Peter Parker, Police, Police Brutality, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending Summary:

Being the son of Tony Stark has its pros and its cons. But Peter didn't expect such ill-treatment from a police officer, just because of his last name.

Words Echo (Through My Head) (6450 words) by Buckets_Of_Stars Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017), Spider-Man - All Media Types Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence Relationships: Peter Parker & Tony Stark, Peter Parker & Steve Rogers & Tony Stark, Peter Parker & Happy Hogan Characters: Peter Parker, Tony Stark, Happy Hogan, Steve Rogers, Bruce Banner Additional Tags: Prompt Fill, dad tony, son peter, Hurt Peter Parker, Protective Tony Stark, Worried Tony Stark, Not Steve Rogers Friendly, not team Cap friendly, Steve Rogers is an ass, Doctor Bruce Banner - Freeform, BAMF Tony Stark, trigger warning for guns, trigger warning for blood, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I suck at tagging, Oops, Precious Peter Parker, Out of Character, Oneshot, Complete, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Peter Is Out Of Charater, Don't Like Don't Read, Trigger warning for anxiety, Peter Stark - Freeform, Mama Bear Tony Stark, STEVE IS OUT OF CHARACTER, TONY IS OUT OF CHARACTER, PETER IS OUT OF CHARACTER Summary:

A quick stop at the Avengers Compound quickly becomes something much more when Peter and Tony meet up with Steve Rogers.

And he is not happy.

Hold on (2810 words) by wolfypuppypiles Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017) Rating: Mature Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence Relationships: Peter Parker & Tony Stark Characters: Peter Parker, Tony Stark Additional Tags: Whump, Hurt/Comfort, Sad, Angst, Blood, Hurt Peter, Worried Tony, Crying, Near Death Experiences, Protective Tony Stark, Goodbyes, im so sorry, but it ends well, Happy Ending, Emotions, Suspense, idk what else to tag Summary:

Peter had just wanted some snacks. Just a trip to the store to get some food for a hungry teenager. But when someone needs help, Spider-Man can't walk away, even if it means putting himself in danger.

Not quite the backseat (3079 words) by Webtrinsic Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Spider-Man - All Media Types, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Peter Parker & Tony Stark Characters: Peter Parker, Tony Stark, Happy Hogan, Helen Cho Additional Tags: Father-Son Relationship, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Hurt Peter Parker, Precious Peter Parker, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Panic Attacks, Revelations, Shooting, Claustrophobia, Protective Tony Stark, Stitches, Guilt, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, Minor Original Character(s) Series: Part 1 of Tight Chest & Tight Spaces Summary:

Tony really had no other choice than to push Peter into the trunk through the backseat so they wouldn't find the kid. He hadn't known about the boy's claustrophobia, but you find out something new everyday. Recommend the whole series

The Merits of Mid-Range Weaponry (4364 words) by Rob_the_Chemist Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Amazing Spider-Man (Movies - Webb) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Characters: Clint Barton, Tony Stark, Natasha Romanov, Steve Rogers, Sam Wilson (Marvel), Bruce Banner, Peter Parker Additional Tags: Hurt Peter, Hurt Peter Parker, Team Dynamics, Communication Issues, Hiding Injury, Warning: Language, Warning: Graphic depiction of injury, Clint Cares about Peter, Everyone cares about Peter, Hand-to-Hand Combat Doesn't Fix Everything, Why Can't Peter do Weapon, peter whump, Peter-centric Summary:

This is just Peter’s sort of luck: getting speared straight through but somehow remaining mostly whole. It’s the kind of irony that he would find amusing if it didn’t apply so often to him

Rated for language and graphic description of injury. Basically just shameless Peter whump.

Fitting In (Tiny Spaces) (3422 words) by aloneintherain Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Spider-Man - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Peter Parker & Avengers Team Characters: Peter Parker, Tony Stark, Sam Wilson (Marvel), Steve Rogers, Clint Barton, Natasha Romanov, Bruce Banner Additional Tags: hurt!Peter, Hurt/Comfort, Misunderstandings, Miscommunication, Peter is an Avenger, Sam Is An Avenger, Protective Avengers, Whump, Team Dynamics, team fic, Panic Attacks, Guilt Summary:

Peter's trapped beneath a collapsed building during a mission, hurt and unable to move. Luckily, his comm still works. Unluckily, the Avengers don’t realise how bad of a state Peter is in, and Peter isn’t inclined to tell them.

“Spidey, they’ve got reinforcements. We’ve hit a bit of a snag here, and I don’t think anyone will be able to help you for a while. Think you can sit tight while we deal with this?”

The pressure on his lower back and legs was becoming too much. Peter swallowed thickly, fighting down panic. He could handle this.

“Yeah,” Peter said. “I can do that.”

One More Vow (742 words) by notjustmom Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Iron Man (Movies), Doctor Strange (2016), Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies) Rating: Not Rated Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Tony Stark/Stephen Strange, Peter Parker & Tony Stark & Stephen Strange Characters: Tony Stark, Stephen Strange, Peter Parker Additional Tags: Established Tony Stark/Stephen Strange, spiderson, Post-Battle, Alternate Universe, Peter is Tony's Biological Son, Angst, Fluff Series: Part 54 of Ironstrange, Part 12 of Tumblr fics 2018-19, Part 1 of One More Vow Summary:

This is a new Ironstrange and Spiderson universe that will have backstory soon. This story deals with the aftermath of a battle where Peter saves Stephen - to make matters worse, he will be heading to college soon, and the boys are dealing with, or not dealing with a soon to be empty nest...

A gift for babywarg, who requested Ironstrange and Spiderson.Part of a series, all are recommended!

Publicity Parent (36966 words) by Bowtiez Chapters: 12/12 Fandom: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017) Rating: General Audiences Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Peter Parker & Tony Stark, Peter Parker & Pepper Potts, Tony Stark & Stark Robots, Tony Stark & Avengers Team, Peter Parker & Avengers Team Characters: Peter Parker, Tony Stark, Pepper Potts, Friday (Marvel) Additional Tags: Kid Fic, Kid Peter Parker, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Protective Tony Stark, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, Hurt/Comfort, Orphan Peter Parker, Foster Care, Tony Stark Has Daddy Issues, Parent Tony Stark, Fluff, Precious Peter Parker, Peter Parker is a Little Shit, Cute, Tony Stark is Good With Kids, Publicity Stunt (at first), Swearing, Tony Stark learning to be a dad, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Caring Tony Stark, Clingy Peter Parker, cute kid, Whump, Peter Parker Whump, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Tony Stark Whump Series: Part 1 of Learning to Parent Summary:

Tony's losing his credit with the public. Pepper's got a plan to fix it.

Enter Peter Parker, eight-year-old orphan from Queens, New York.

Tony has no idea how children work, so why is he so drawn to little Peter Parker?

(More Tags to be added as the book progresses) The sequel is amazing too!

Unexpected Finds (50491 words) by snarkymuch Chapters: 22/22 Fandom: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Peter Parker & Tony Stark, Peter Parker & Avengers Team, Pepper Potts/Tony Stark Characters: Peter Parker, Tony Stark, Natasha Romanov (Marvel), Bruce Banner, Clint Barton, Steve Rogers, Pepper Potts Additional Tags: Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Protective Tony Stark, Avengers Family, Domestic Avengers, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Hurt Peter, Hurt Peter Parker, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Past Child Abuse, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst, Parent Tony Stark, Homeless Peter Parker, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, Self-Harm, Tony is trying but it's hard, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Depression, Depressed Peter Parker, Clint Barton Is a Good Bro, Identity Reveal, Howard Stark's A+ Parenting, Tony Needs a Hug, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, some gorey descriptions, Awesome Pepper Potts, Not Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Compliant, Not Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Compliant, Will never probably be compliant with much, I do what I want Series: Part 1 of Lost and Found Summary:

With May gone, Peter is an orphan and sent to foster care. He doesn’t stay long, the abuse he receives there becoming too much.

Despite being homeless, he still puts on the suit, Spider-Man getting him through when being Peter Parker couldn’t. It’s a chance encounter that brings Tony and Peter together.

Doing the right thing seems easy, but in reality, it’s far from it. Tony is going to make mistakes and so is Peter, but maybe, in the end, they’ll be alright. Recommend the whole series!

***Story edited and sections rewritten as of 9/23/2019***

The Missing 92 Days (78234 words) by YellowDistress Chapters: 13/13 Fandom: Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017), Iron Man (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence Relationships: Peter Parker & Tony Stark Characters: Peter Parker, Tony Stark, James "Rhodey" Rhodes, Steve Rogers, Pepper Potts, Natasha Romanoff, Sam Wilson, May Parker Additional Tags: Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, Psychological Torture, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Protective Tony Stark, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Hydra Peter Parker, Sort Of Summary:

Peter wakes, ripping through the surface of the bath water, surrounded by the bodies of Hydra Agents.

Their blood is on his hands.

There's Always Room for Doubt- I Mean, Dessert (2885 words) by mttraspberrypie Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017), Iron Man (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe Rating: Not Rated Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Peter Parker & Tony Stark Characters: Peter Parker, Tony Stark, May Parker (Spider-Man) Additional Tags: Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, Precious Peter Parker, Peter Parker Needs a Hug Series: Part 1 of Tales of a Sweet Spider-Son and His Embarrassing Irondad Summary:

Peter Parker goes out to dinner with his totally-not-dad Tony Stark. It's too bad he's an anxiety ridden mess. Recommend the whole series.

The Wolf Spider (50766 words) by PeterNeedsAHugParker Chapters: 36/36 Fandom: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Spider-Man - All Media Types Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Pepper Potts/Tony Stark, James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers, Wanda Maximoff/Vision, Peter Parker & Tony Stark, Peter Parker & Natasha Romanov, Wanda Maximoff & Peter Parker, James "Bucky" Barnes & Peter Parker, Peter Parker & Avengers Team, Loki & Peter Parker, Cassie Lang & Peter Parker Characters: Peter Parker, Tony Stark, Pepper Potts, Steve Rogers, Natasha Romanov (Marvel), Clint Barton, Thor (Marvel), Bruce Banner, Hulk (Marvel), Vision (Marvel), James "Bucky" Barnes, Wanda Maximoff, James "Rhodey" Rhodes, Scott Lang, Hope Van Dyne, Nick Fury, Avengers Team (MCU), T'Challa (Marvel), Shuri (Marvel), Baron Zemo, Loki (Marvel), Cassie Lang, Harry Osborn, Gwen Stacy Additional Tags: Precious Peter Parker, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Hurt Peter Parker, Teen Peter Parker, BAMF Peter Parker, BAMF Wanda Maximoff, BAMF Natasha Romanov, Avengers Family, Peter Parker Acts Like a Spider, Hydra (Marvel), Cross-Posted on FanFiction.Net, Cross-Posted on Wattpad, Not Captain America: Civil War (Movie) Compliant, Not Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Compliant, My First AO3 Post, Hydra!Peter, spider son, spider mom - Freeform Summary:

Peter Parker was never raised with his Aunt May or Uncle Ben. He was raised by HYDRA to be a weapon just like, or even better then, the Winter Soldier. After ten years, Peter has lost all hope that he will ever make it out of HYDRA's clutches. Until the Avengers are unknowingly sent to retrieve Peter. Maybe they can help Peter understand that he can be more then some weapon.

AU where the team actually talked out their problems, like an actual team would.

like the sun (3840 words) by hailingstars Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe Rating: General Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Peter Parker & Tony Stark Characters: Peter Parker, Tony Stark, Pepper Potts, Morgan Stark (Marvel Cinematic Universe), Nebula (Marvel) Additional Tags: Fluff and Angst, Post-Endgame, Fix-It, Tony's hoodies, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Car Accidents, Protective Tony Stark, Precious Peter Parker Series: Part 1 of irondad bingo Summary:

2 times Peter steals a hoodie from Tony and 1 time he doesn't have to

Irondad bingo prompt: Trope, Peter wearing Tony's hoodie. Recommend the whole series!

Six for Hell (18531 words) by romeoandjulietyouwish Chapters: 12/12 Fandom: Marvel Cinematic Universe Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence Relationships: Peter Parker & Tony Stark, Peter Parker & Avengers Team, Pepper Potts/Tony Stark, Clint Barton & Peter Parker, Peter Parker & Stephen Strange Characters: Peter Parker, Tony Stark, Pepper Potts, Stephen Strange, Clint Barton, Natasha Romanov (Marvel), Wanda Maximoff, James "Bucky" Barnes, Bruce Banner, Hulk (Marvel), Thor (Marvel), Happy Hogan, Steve Rogers, May Parker (Spider-Man), Ned Leeds Additional Tags: Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Hurt Peter Parker, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, Avengers Tower, Protective Clint Barton, Hurt, Blood, lying, Dark Character, Crying, Hugs, Angst with a Happy Ending, i promise this has a happy ending, Protective Tony Stark, Protective Stephen Strange, Protective Bruce Banner, Panic Attacks, Attempted Murder, Non-Consensual Drug Use, Torture, (not graphic), Bruce is the deus ex machina of this story, Nightmares, y'all this hurts, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD Summary:

After a mission, the Avengers are much different than normal. For one, they're trying to kill Peter Parker and he has no clue why.

Delusions of Happiness (7393 words) by Oracle507 Chapters: 5/5 Fandom: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man - All Media Types, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Peter Parker & Tony Stark, Happy Hogan & Peter Parker, Happy Hogan & Tony Stark Characters: Peter Parker, Tony Stark, Happy Hogan, Original Male Character(s) Additional Tags: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Protective Tony Stark, Happy Hogan is a Good Bro, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Child Neglect, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, I'm Bad At Titles Summary:

When Tony went to go recruit Spider-Man to fight the rouge Avengers, he'd expected to find a bright, hyperactive boy. Instead, he found a sad kid in a sad apartment that brought back memories he hadn't thought about in a long time.

The Fire's Out (But Still It Burns) (55833 words) by silver_bubbles Chapters: 12/12 Fandom: Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Peter Parker & Aunt May, Peter Parker & New York, Peter Parker & Tony Stark Characters: Peter Parker, May Parker (past), NYPD officers, Citizens, Original Female Characters (background), Original Male Characters (background), Miles Morales (mentioned), Jefferson Davis (Marvel) (mentioned), Tony Stark, Natasha Romanoff, Natasha Romanov, James "Bucky" Barnes, Clint Barton, Steve Rogers, Bruce Banner Additional Tags: Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Peter Parker Whump, Whump, Angst, Homelessness, Hurt/Comfort, Past Character Death, Police Brutality, shameless whump, Blood, handwavy knowledge of medical procedures, I tried to be funny, but i also tried to make people cry, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Trust Issues, Not Captain America: Civil War (Movie) Compliant, Not Spider-Man: Homecoming Compliant, Not Infinity War (Part 1) Compliant, Homeless Peter Parker, NOT STARKER - Freeform Summary:

Early December in New York City is brutal. With temperatures hovering in the low fifties and mid-forties, there isn't much wiggle room- you either have what you need or you don't.

Peter falls somewhere in the second category.

He's made a list of what he has, keeps it zipped up in his old backpack to make sure he hasn't lost anything important. It isn't long: a carefully folded wad of cash in the bottom of his bag, hidden away to make sure nobody else can find it; three granola bars for emergencies; ibuprofen (fighting crime isn't safe, kids); his Spider-Man suit (that's what he's decided to call himself); a pair of extra socks; his pictures.

That's it. Everything Peter owns fits in one bag.

That's his lot in life.

Pathetic.

(In which May and Ben died in tragic circumstances, leaving a fifteen-year-old Peter Parker to fend for himself. Enter Tony Stark: genius, playboy, billionaire, philanthropist, and- apparently- Spider-dad.)

The Fire's Out (But Still It Burns) (55833 words) by silver_bubbles Chapters: 12/12 Fandom: Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Peter Parker & Aunt May, Peter Parker & New York, Peter Parker & Tony Stark Characters: Peter Parker, May Parker (past), NYPD officers, Citizens, Original Female Characters (background), Original Male Characters (background), Miles Morales (mentioned), Jefferson Davis (Marvel) (mentioned), Tony Stark, Natasha Romanoff, Natasha Romanov, James "Bucky" Barnes, Clint Barton, Steve Rogers, Bruce Banner Additional Tags: Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Peter Parker Whump, Whump, Angst, Homelessness, Hurt/Comfort, Past Character Death, Police Brutality, shameless whump, Blood, handwavy knowledge of medical procedures, I tried to be funny, but i also tried to make people cry, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Trust Issues, Not Captain America: Civil War (Movie) Compliant, Not Spider-Man: Homecoming Compliant, Not Infinity War (Part 1) Compliant, Homeless Peter Parker, NOT STARKER - Freeform Summary:

Early December in New York City is brutal. With temperatures hovering in the low fifties and mid-forties, there isn't much wiggle room- you either have what you need or you don't.

Peter falls somewhere in the second category.

He's made a list of what he has, keeps it zipped up in his old backpack to make sure he hasn't lost anything important. It isn't long: a carefully folded wad of cash in the bottom of his bag, hidden away to make sure nobody else can find it; three granola bars for emergencies; ibuprofen (fighting crime isn't safe, kids); his Spider-Man suit (that's what he's decided to call himself); a pair of extra socks; his pictures.

That's it. Everything Peter owns fits in one bag.

That's his lot in life.

Pathetic.

(In which May and Ben died in tragic circumstances, leaving a fifteen-year-old Peter Parker to fend for himself. Enter Tony Stark: genius, playboy, billionaire, philanthropist, and- apparently- Spider-dad.)

tree houses and high tech loveys (2023 words) by paperback92 Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), Spider-Man - All Media Types, Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe Rating: General Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Peter Parker & Tony Stark, Pepper Potts/Tony Stark Characters: Tony Stark, Peter Parker, Morgan Stark (Marvel Cinematic Universe), Pepper Potts Additional Tags: Not Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Compliant, Not Spider-Man: Far From Home Compliant, Not Spider-Man: Far From Home Mid-Credits Scene Compliant, i operate outside of canon now, sorry - Freeform, Hurt/Comfort, Minor Injuries, Peter Parker is a Good Bro, Whump, Parent Tony Stark, Iron Dad Summary:

Tony runs towards the sounds of her screams. They lead him to where he had last left her and Pete: the tree house. The same tree house that was in one piece an hour ago is now hunks of broken wood, shattered and scattered along the ground. And Morgan-

His daughter’s stuck in the middle of a web that’s suspended between the tree that the clubhouse was in and its next-door neighbor.

Hard Knocks (25448 words) by TempestRising Chapters: 6/6 Fandom: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017) Rating: General Audiences Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence Relationships: Pepper Potts/Tony Stark, Peter Parker & Tony Stark Characters: Peter Parker, Tony Stark, Pepper Potts, Steve Rogers, Bruce Banner, Clint Barton, Ned Leeds Additional Tags: Peter Parker is a Foster Kid, Aunt May is dead sorry, Parent Tony Stark, Tony adopts Peter, Hurt/Comfort, Hurt Peter Parker, Protective Tony Stark, All the Avengers Are Dads, Ned Leeds is a Good Bro, This is the musical Annie Summary:

Tony gets a foster kid as a PR stunt to distract from his Iron Man disasters. That foster kid is Peter Parker, who's been kicked around the system for months. Peter is hesitant to trust a "new family" and frankly Tony is, too. Cue bonding. Cue bad foster stereotypes. Cue the Avengers taking in baby Peter.

Or: Yes this is the musical Annie.

Repeat After Me (3896 words) by battybatzgirl Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Spider-Man - All Media Types, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017) Rating: General Audiences Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Peter Parker & Tony Stark Characters: Peter Parker, Tony Stark, James "Rhodey" Rhodes Additional Tags: Precious Peter Parker, Father-Son Relationship, Worried Tony, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Rhodey is So Done, Hurt Peter Parker, Gunshot Wounds, If Tony is Peter's Dad then Rhodey is Peter's exasperated Uncle, Humor, Hurt/Comfort Summary:

Tony’s face hardens as he says, “What kid.” “I don’t know, some twelve year old—” Below him, the kid coughs out, “Fifteen.” “—Fifteen year old—” Tony scrubs a hand across his face. “Don’t tell me he’s wearing a dorky shirt with a chemistry pun on it.” Rhodey frowns. That was oddly specific. Glancing down, he looks at what little he can see of the kid’s shirt—which isn't much since there’s so much blood now, but what could be once called a cartoon joke is printed on it. “Um, yeah?” “Son of a bitch.”

Otherwise known as how Rhodey finds out about how old Peter is, and how badly he needs to beat Tony with a stick.

The Five Times Peter Denies an Illness or Injury + the One Time He Doesn't (3308 words) by whumphoarder Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017), The Avengers (Marvel Movies) Rating: General Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Peter Parker & Tony Stark, No Romantic Relationship(s) Characters: Peter Parker, Tony Stark, Happy Hogan Additional Tags: Sick Peter Parker, Hurt Peter Parker, 5+1 Things, Vomiting, Broken Bones, Stabbing, Laryngitis, Common Cold, Minor Injuries, gratuitous use of the word kid, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Spoilers, Hiding Medical Issues, Chicken Pox, Irondad, Iron Dad Summary:

In which Peter is a little shit who can't admit when he's hurt or sick.

Always, Kiddo: Always (4650 words) by PinkEasterEggs Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Iron Man (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types Rating: General Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Peter Parker & Tony Stark Characters: Peter Parker, Tony Stark, Pepper Potts, Happy Hogan, May Parker (Spider-Man), Original Characters Additional Tags: Angst, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Peter Parker Gets a Hug, Swearing, Domestic Violence, Implied/Referenced Domestic Violence, Mentioned May Parker (Spider-Man), Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Worried Tony Stark, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, Angst with a Happy Ending, No Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Spoilers, Not Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Compliant Series: Part 1 of IronDad Prompts To Warm And Break Your Heart Summary:

“Y-you don’t hate me?” Peter’s voice was meek and small as he choked on a sob.

Tony immediately shot back up, looking at Peter with confusion and horor. “Hate you? No, why?”

“Because i’m w-weak.”

Tony knows that something is up with Peter. He's been acting differently and shying away far more often. However, when he finds out the truth, he never expected it to be so heartbreaking.

#1: May's Abusive Boyfriend - The whole series is great

And in the middle of the flood I felt my worth (6117 words) by frostysunflowers Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel Movies) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Peter Parker & Tony Stark Characters: Peter Parker, Tony Stark, Bruce Banner Additional Tags: Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Angst with a Happy Ending, Peter Parker Whump, Anxiety, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Food Issues, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Sad Peter Parker, Insecurity, Fluff, Miscommunication, hunger, Whump, Tony Stark is Good With Kids, Bruce Banner Is a Good Bro Series: Part 1 of Irondad Bingo The series is great! Summary:

Peter was hungry.

No, that was a lie.

He was absolutely starving.

Weekly Writing and Reading Update

because THE SUN IS OUT! i’mma go out on my bike soon. it’s chilly, but it feels like spring could come again someday! Also I rearranged my living room this week and I love where my couch is and everything is simultaneously cozy and spacious.

Writing

oh my god, so much writing.

A Little Place in the Country: added a chapter yesterday, and I think I’ve got the next chapter written, it just needs some editing.I keep idly thinking about how this story will end, and realizing I am maybe halfway through it? Possibly I will write it forever? WHO KNOWS.

...also now I wanna watch This Old House.

Scales and Gold and Wings and Scars: my little ode to T.H. White’s English countryside descriptions, and to showing your beloved your truest self and being still loved for it. Finished and posted this past week.

flowers: untitled fic for this picture. I want to add one more scene and edit the whole thing again, but it’s close to done. There’s a lot of cuteness and then they talk about their feelings bc I have a Brand and I must uphold it.

CrowleySick!fic: Hi I woke up to a very very very smart anon and then put off doing laundry so I could write the first 1500 words of this. You guys. Aziraphale is so worried and SO determined to be a good nurse. And there’s a bit about how you can be mad at someone and love them more than anything and drop everything in an instant to help them, because they are your whole world, even when sometimes you do in fact need a whole physical actual world between you, just for a bit.

Anyway, I’m writing loads and it feels delicious, although I will also probably take most of the rest of today to do other things. But ugh, I want to write ineffable husbands so much, all the time.

Reading

and this is where I fell down this week ;) I finished Queen of Air and Darkness which was...weird. This felt very much not like a self-contained novel, which it isn’t, but also it was weird. I liked the weirdness, but I feel like this a story to be slowly chewed over.

I think I’m mostly finished The Ill-Made Knight, and I will hopefully be not so tired tonight that I actually get in some reading before bed. I’m also attempting to keep up with The New Yorker again, so we will see how that goes.

past, present, future

aka mal, evie, and carlos on magic, their parents, and the isle

this is actually a repost of this bc freaking tumblr deleted all my text when i tried to change on tag on the og post so i had to delete it bc it started glitching. sigh. 

*jay is getting his own fic which is why he’s not in this, more info below

***comment on the mal part i use a weird combo of the live action remake maleficent and the og one. Its like maleficent was still queen of the moors but she was actually evil and not all sympathetic like she is in the live action movies…. 

TW!!- obvious discussion of child abuse in semi-graphic detail for the majority of the fic, and a breif s*lf h*rm refrence. It's only a sentence or two long, a general ref/description ig, basically has to do w/ evie freaking out if ppl think she is ugly/a failure bc of her mom’s abuse. 

=========================================================================================

To Mal, magic was her blood. It was her history, her lineage. She was a fae, birthed to continue her mother’s legacy. Created to reclaim the throne her mother lost in her madness and cruelty, to conquer their lost land, to live up to the expectations put upon her at birth. Her magic was but an extension of that, her birthright, everything she was supposed to be, everything she would one day become. 

Using it was both terrifying, and liberating. She was evil, something she’d known for years, but she feared becoming like her mother. A fear she had admitted only once, whispered to three others in the dead of night. 

There was a difference in their evil. Her mother’s was unnecessary, powered by delusions of grandeur, random cruelty brought about for her own amusement. Mal saw her own evil as practical, an armor she would use to protect herself, and later her crew. She would use it to get them food, make enemies too afraid to attack them, keep them all as well and alive as she could. She could use her evil, and the fear it caused, to get whatever she wanted, whatever they needed. It gave her power.  

Evil was power. 

Power was safety. 

(Though, could you truly call a child seeking protection evil?)

She knew she would one day have to complete the tasks her mother set out for her, but she refused to do them like the woman herself would. She refused to turn to unneeded cruelty, to hurt those she cared for. She would reclaim their homeland on her own terms. 

She would be her own kind of evil, different from her mother’s, even if they used the same magic, read the same spellbook, had the same blood. She would burn her mother's legacy and build her own, build herself from the ashes and leave her mother behind as nothing more than a faded memory, forgotten in her daughter’s shadow. And she would rise from the beaten depths of the Isle, bringing those most important with her, and give them the lives they deserved. 

(That was her dream, fueled by Carlos’s invention and their new ability to steal magic from the barrier. To free them all, and give a better life to those she loved. It would come true, one day soon, different than she ever expected. Though she was right that she would reclaim her birthright on her own terms, those terms have nothing to do with the evil she now thinks she is.)

(She will learn she was never truly evil to begin with. She will make her magic truly her own, completely untainted by her mother’s wishes. She will reclaim the lost moors, and she will fill it with the love and light her mother destroyed, those she loves by her side.) 

-=+=-

To Evie, magic was a tool. She had no real feelings to it, like how a writer feels no fondness for pens, nor a painter for brushes. She used alchemy books to mix beauty products for her mother, keeping the old woman preoccupied with something else, allowing Evie precious moments of freedom from her mother’s “love”. The word was so mutated in the queen’s mind, as if her unending barrage of insults was the same as Mal’s soft smile, Carlos’s beautiful rambling, Jay’s protective arms. 

The best use for her magic was concocting healing brews, things she could give to her gang to save them even a bit of pain. A cream to clear the bruises on Carlos's chest, small packets for Jay to trade so he need not steal while injured, a bite of apple to save Mal’s life. Things to protect the three most important people in her life. 

(Though, she had a hidden use for these healing salves too. A secret mix to hide scars, to blend discolorations in with the rest of her skin. She used it only when she truly needed, the others would easily tell if every scar she once had disappeared. But, if she ended up bleeding in the middle of the night, scratching at her skin and sobbing because her mother was right she was so ugly and useless and worthless, and said scratches disappeared before morning, well, no one would ever need to know they ever existed.

Because, truly, what right did she have to complain? What gave her the right cry and sob because her mother said something cruel? The others had parents who beat them till they bled, how could her mother’s words ever compare? Even if her mother screamed until her voice was raw, even if she repeated that Evie was ugly and worthless until the girl could do nothing but believe it herself, even if she forced her to avoid even the small amounts of food they could scrounge up, weakinging her to the point of fainting, possibly death if the others hadn't shoved food in her hands and forced her to eat, as if hurting herself would make her more beautiful. 

Even if the Evil Queen, known for her own effortless beauty and even more effortless cruelty, hammered that lesson into the child’s head. That beauty is pain and the only way to have worth is to hurt and you must hurt to be loved, and if you are not in pain you are not beautiful you are not trying hard enough you are failing and they will all leave and you will be left with nothing but pain and your own ugliness.) 

So, Evie was thankful for her magic, thankful she could heal those she loved, and hide things that would hurt them. Thankful she could keep her mother’s suspicion away, when the old woman’s view shifted from seeing Evie as an extension of herself to seeing her daughter as a competitor, someone who was out to betray her and take her place. A gift could appease the woman, at least for a bit, reminding her that the child before her had hair too light, skin too dark, lips too pale to be the girl the queen despised. Not that the queen wouldn't try to change that, pushing the child to look more beautiful than the girl who bested her, then punishing the child for being more beautiful than herself. 

Her mother’s erraticy gave Evie some odd mix of both hatred and jealousy for her half sister. Her mother wanted her to be more beautiful than Snow White, going as far as to try and even bleach her daughter’s skin, forcing Evie to be the subject of dozens of ill advised experiments to make the girl “beautiful”. Evie hated her sister for the standard she set, for leaving her on the Isle, for their mother’s obsession. But she was desperately jealous of her, desperately wanted to be just as beautiful, partly so her mother would leave her be, but more so she would never lose the love she held so dear. 

She feared that more than all, more than death itself, losing those she loved. 

She’d heard tales of true love since birth, heard the idea scoffed at and hated. Told it was something for Aradon royalty, something she would never have, should never want. And yet, despite all that, despite the evil in her, the evil surrounding them, she had it. Had it with three incredible people she loved more than anything. But she knew she wasn't as beautiful as the princess in auradon, knew she wasn't as good as them. What if she lost it? What if the most important people in her life left, because she wasn't beautiful enough to be worthy of their love? 

(One day, she will learn that beauty is not worth. One day she will learn her three-turned-four lovers would never leave her, least of all over something so meaningless. She will learn that she is beautiful because she is kind, and that those who love her do so for her mind not her body. And she will learn that she need not live to please them, that they will always exist as pillars of support in her life, but she will be able to go and become her own person, do what she wishes without worrying if what she wants would make them dislike her, make them want to leave. She will be able to grow and heal with them, work with them to build a life for themselves and a safe world for the other children like them. One day she will speak with her sister, using the cup bought just for her, something she will have done a thousand times before. And she won’t be cured, the memories of her mother’s voice will always haunt her, but she will have people who love her back home, and wedding rings comfortably heavy on her fingers, and kids to pick up later from school, and the knowledge that the lost children of the Isle are free, and the memories will be pushed away with ease. 

One day she will use her magic to help her heal, not hide her pain. 

That future may be far away, too far for her to see where she is now, trapped on the Isle, believing lies about love and herself. But it exists, and it’s waiting for her.) 

-=+=-

To Carlos, his magic was inconsequential. As far as he was concerned, it didn’t exist. The only evidence of it was a flash of pain, quick, white hot burning in his chest when he pulled pure magic from his device on accident. And when he blinked the stars from his eyes, when he managed to pull breath into his lungs again, when he finally quelled the panic rising in his chest, he forced himself to ignore what had just happened. He made himself believe that the pain, the sudden surge of power, the overcoming sense of dread, was some kind of fluke, some byproduct of the barrier. Pure mortals must not handle magic well, he decided, and let the memory fade to the back of his mind. 

Because it was easier. It was easier to let himself believe that he had no magic, to deny the obvious in front of him. It was easier to ignore the instinctual feeling that this magic was his, that there was something darker about it, darker than the magic of the barrier or Mal’s spells. 

It was easier, because to accept it would be to face it. And to face it would mean he would have to use this magic, this magic that felt so instinctually wrong, yet so much his.

The magic felt evil, and even on this Isle of the forgotten, where evil was revealed in, evil was celebrated, he feared becoming evil himself. Because to him, there was very little true evil on the isle. The evil belonged to the adults, the ones banished for their actions. Jafar, Maleficent, the Evil Queen. His mother. 

The other children may see themselves as cruel and evil, but he saw the truth. They were neutral, survivors in this abandoned wasteland. Born with evil inside them, and countering it with enough good to turn their black hearts gray. Protecting each other, caring for others, helping in the backhanded way you only understood if you grew up in a world where kindness brought pain. 

And yet, despite the fact that any impartial party would tell you they were all the same, he saw himself as different from the rest. He could see the good they did, see them balance the scales to keep themselves from falling into evil. But no matter what he did, it never felt like enough. He felt as if he was teetering on the edge of a cliff, held up by nothing more than a fraying rope. And if he accepted this magic, it would slice straight through, sending him to his doom. 

(He was too close to see the good he did. His mother’s screaming of how he was so horrid to her, how he brought her so much pain, how much she wished he was a good son confused him. He saw himself as bad, and saw that as an easy descent into evil, an easy descent into becoming those who had hurt him and those he loved.) 

(He didn’t want to be evil, evil like Maleficent who would snap Mal’s bones with cold eyes. Evil like Jafar who’d beat Jay for bringing one to few things home. Evil like the Queen, who’d lie and scream and dim the brightness of Evie’s smile. Evil like his mother, who would hurt and hurt and hurt and never stop as long as it got her what she wanted, never feel remorse for the pain she brought.)

So he did with his magic what he did with his other problems, forget. Forcing them to the back of his mind, focusing on the immediate, focusing on surviving day to day. And you can’t blame him, not really. On the Isle every day is about making sure you live to your next, and that you can bring a handful of others with you. 

And it may not have been his fault, but in doing so, in pushing aside the pain it brought and forcing himself to forget, he created more problems for himself. Because his magic would not go away, same with how pretending his mother didn’t exist didn’t simply make her disappear. 

(One day, he will be forced to face this magic, to accept it as part of himself. It will bring him pain he doesn't deserve, but he will overcome it, four others by his side. He will realize that the evil he felt was nothing more than a reflection of his own fears, that he could never truly become evil. Because he didn’t want to be, won’t want to be, will never find joy in causing others pain. The things that will make him happy are bright days and small animals and unconventional dates and the laughter of children trying chocolate for the first time. 

He will realize he could never be evil, never turn into those who hurt him. Never become his mother. And he will face his other problems, the ones so buried he hadn't thought of them in years, and he will overcome those too.) 

-=+=-

im trash so i didn’t bother putting the italics in. it takes 20 minutes im sorry....

edit: i wnet back and added them uwu 

jay’s getting his own fic which is basically one of these^^ but longer w/ fully written scenes lol. and uhhhh idr what i put in my a/n before but this is related to my other works/part of a series so please check out my ao3 ily  https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blue_Pluto

edit: so i felt like i needed to give more info ig?? i gave carlos magic bc im using it as a metaphor in my d1/d2/d3 rewrites, which uhhh part of are posted but not really the magic parts yet.... trust me for rn lol,,,, ty for reading!!! 

legitimate advice for new phandom blogs

hey !! so i know sometimes posts like ‘RULES FOR THE PHANDOM XD’ are made and they’re all like “numba one. dan is a squishy bean respect this uwu” but this isn’t gonna be like that lol. im just going to list a few actual things that might help people new to the phandom learn about and become integrated into the community! of course these aren’t ‘rules’ and u dont have to listen to any of it ofc,,, im not here to control ur blog, just here to say what people normally do. feel free to rb whether u are a new blog or not, ill appreciate it either way!

(NOTE: PLS TELL ME IF ANY OF THE LINKS DONT WORK AND ILL FIX THEM PERIODICALLY!)

italicized text is defined in the glossary at the bottom!

1. be interactive! 

here, unique to our corner of timmy darn communism, we have a lot of like virtual traditions that everyone knows. these help you to make friends and also grow ur blog with some new mutuals. here are some examples.

networks: networks, or nets, are a sort of selective gc, usually with a theme or concept that it’s based around, in which all who wish to be part of fill out an application form that determines whether they get in. this is kinda the one with the most work, as u also have to make a group blog and info post, but it’s definitely worth it. i have made my closest friends in nets (such as @phleurnet which i birthed), and a lot of people on here would say the same. if you want to know more or apply, my friend diana runs an update blog @phandomnets! (examples, these are all open btw: x x x)

meetups: meetups are not in real life, don’t worry. a meetup is when someone organizes a specific time at which we all post thing around a certain theme! for instance, on halloween on tuesday, my friend milo hosted a halloween meetup. usually people post selfies but if u are uncomfortable with that, u can post art, music, or anything else related to the theme. a blog called @phandommeetupwatch keeps track of these! (examples, all happening soon/just happened: x x x)

follow forevers: a follow forever is a big celebration post when u reach a follower count milestone, no matter 50 or 5k. u tag all of the blogs you love, and they reblog it to appreciate u! it’s really positive and shows people how their work has paid off. usually people are tagged in alphabetical order, and sometimes people bold their favorites but the stylization is up to u. (recent examples: x x x)

milestone activities: sometimes people do things for their followers when they reach a follower count that involves their followers requesting something! there are many many forms of this type of thing. a common one is blog rates, in which there is a set template and the blogger rates each blog that sends in an ask using the template (info post ex: x; rate ex: x). there are also url edits (x), name/url moodboards (x), and more. u can certainly come up w an idea of ur own, being creative is great!

talk to people: that’s right dude!!! ye!!! u can message a blog u think is cool, or send an ask if u think something they made or are talking about is interesting, or add something sweet in the tags (more on etiquette later) when u rb their post. additionally, sometimes people stir up discourse, and u should participate in it if u want (past discourse examples: x x). u can also send asks when people reblog ask games, which are a list of questions with a theme (new one of mine ex: x). 

2. play around with your blog!

customizing your blog can start giving you what we call a branding, making you distinguished from other bloggers. this can include everything from as simple as using an icon to coding your own about page. 

themes: a blog can be way more appealing if it is aesthetically pleasing. admittedly, i often follow people just because of the smoothness of their mobile theme. a mobile theme is rather easy to construct as u can do it on ur own with a phone. it is how ur blog looks on a phone. although u don’t have to do this, i recommend sticking to two to four colors on ur theme and avoiding stuffing it with a lot of bright things because it can distract from content. additionally, bloggers often make their descriptions short and succinct. (my fav mobiles: x x x.) on a pc, your blog theme can be customized completely on html, meaning there is a lot of freedom. u don’t have to learn to code for this, bc u can find free themes anywhere, just search ‘free tumblr themes’ on google. once again, be creative, but u shouldn’t overload. (my fav pcs: x x x.)

about pages: in order to avoid chunky descriptions but still let people know the key deets about themselves, bloggers create about pages. sometimes these bout pages are uncoded but u can also use html code if u want to. some common things in an about page are interests, maybe personality types/horoscopes/hogwarts houses, original content, and links to other social media. (examples: x x x)

urls: urls are a key part of your blog’s brand. ‘rebranding’ is what people say if they change their url! if u are tired or bored with your url, changing it is an opportunity to change your theme and other parts of ur blog as well. (url change ex: x). 

saved urls: saved urls are basically when bloggers hoard sideblogs in order to reserve the urls used for them. if you ever encounter a blank blog that has ‘saved’ as its title, that’s probably it. sometimes people like to give away their urls, either as a constant thing (ex: x) or by doing a url giveaway (x). either way, it’s a good opportunity to change it up!

tags: in order to keep their blog cleancut and organized, a lot of bloggers have special tags for certain people, certain topics, and/or certain types of media. many people in the phandom particularly have tags for dan and phil that match (strawberries and cream, lune and sole, etc). if they have many of these tags, there can be a page for their tags on their blog. this page can be coded with special html or just a regular tumblr page, it doesn’t really matter. but it’s very useful for those who visit your blog, and makes it easy for u to navigate older posts as well! (examples: x x x)

3. learn to make og content!

producing original content helps you establish what your strengths are and why people should follow you. it also allows u to contribute to the fanbase, and gives u a chance of being noticed by dnp! and the validation is lovely. there are many options if u want to make something. 

gifs: gifs are an ART here in the phandom, and its mechanisms still perplex me to this day bc ive never tried it. u probably already know what a gif is, but if not, its essentially a short animation made in photoshop that repeats. gifmakers are often distinguished by a unique coloring (example gifmakers: x x x), such as my friend emily’s smooth dark blue tint (x). it can be a long process to learn how to gif but it is very rewarding in the end, from what i’ve heard. (tutorials: x x)

art: there is a very wide range of phanartists, all with such talents, either digital or traditional, that you can draw inspirations from for your own work. you can make cartoons, comics, realism, abstract, nsfw even, or any mix (or none) of the former. artists on tumblr definitely deserve more attention than they get here on tumblr, so be sure to show appreciation towards them! (my fav artists: x x x)

edits: edits are the Graphic Designs of our community and are usually very aesthetically pleasing. they can be centered around a certain event, like a video or something dnp made, or just for fun. the more practice you get making them, the more dexterous u’ll become. they can be a great tool if u like the design aspect of art but don’t want to actually draw. (edit makers: x x)

icons: icons are just the little profile picture that u can insert for ur blog. it’s really easy and fun to make them, kind of like a lazy version of edits. you can make them using photoshop or an app like picsart or medibang, and it doesn’t take a lot of time. more on how to use icons in section 4. (examples: x x x) (my lil tutorial: x)

moodboards: moodboards are nine pictures arranged 3 by 3 that have a certain color scheme. it’s kind of like a collage except the photo feature here separates the pictures for u. there are a lot of innovative moodboard makers that stun me w how pretty it looks or how they arrange the pics. moodboards are also an easy and fun option! (moodboard tags: x x x)

textposts: this is by far the easiest and more common form of content u will find. it’s just writing about dnp in a textpost! if a textpost isn’t very serious, people also call it a meme or shitpost. shitposting is defs on the rise here so its a good business to get into. it’s also a great outlet for ur emotions or personal connections to what dnp do! (example talk tags: x x x)

fics: by far the most famous media to come out of here, phanfiction is a popular form of phan indulgence. u have probably heard of the most scarring ones (list: x), but there is actually a really vast range of it, not just creepy smut! some other genres are fluff, angst, and slow burns. u will discover that, despite the sterotype, not all fanfiction is bad. you can find lovely fics on @phanfictioncatalogue by genre, au, or topic. and, if u need help writing something, many writers would love to help. (a few well-known fics: x x x x x)

4. tumblr etiquette!

i know tumblr might seem like a simple social media (or perhaps not after u’ve read all the above?) but there’s a lot of things that u just....u just don’t do. it’s sort of like virtual manners, and if u don’t follow them, then it’s unlikely that people will like ur blog. once again, this is by no means me forcing u to run ur blog a certain way. it just happens that the types of ppl who break these rules are who we mock in gcs :////////. so yea, here’s some advice.

credits: if u decide to use someone’s art, edit, gif, or icon on the theme of ur blog, check what they require of u before u use it. most content creators strongly ask for credit in the description of ur blog, either by link or like ‘icon/header/art by ____’. it is just a common courtesy to the person who spent time on that, and if u think credit will ruin the aesthetic of ur blog, a) u probably don’t have an aesthetic in the first place and b) learn to appreciate art, binch. 

anonymity: anon asks can be very powerful either negatively or positively depending on how u yield them, so make sure that u are careful with what u send. compliments are always welcome and criticism as well, but blatant rudeness or hate will do nothing. u will only make someone feel bad about themselves and it will not accomplish anything. also, u face the threat of all their friends turning u into a meme. 

sensitivity: a lot of people here are way too easily offended by harmless jokes, a common example in the phandom being when we insult dnp affectionately and people take it way too much to heart. please don’t start drama over something w no real meaning. however, there are times when it is indeed necessary. if u want to criticise a blogger, be respectful of them simultaneously. by all means, if u spot someone being racist, homophobic, transphobic, misogynist, or the like, feel free to call them out on it. but beforehand, make sure that u have done ur research and are educated on the topic, or u could turn out to be blatantly wrong. 

adding to posts: everyone makes this mistake when they start out here and that’s totally okay, but adding to every post u reblog is incredibly bothersome. a rule of thumb would be don’t add anything unless what u say will actually improve the post significantly. if ur additions are along the lines of ‘LOL’ or ‘i relate!!!!’ or ‘philly is a smol bean XD’, learn to use the tags for heaven’s sake. they’re there for not only organization but also for commenting. some exceptions, though, would be if u are mentioned in the post or the op is your close friend. 

respecting privacy: this should already be obvious to u, but respect dan and phil’s boundaries. do not tag them or their main tags (#daniel howell, #danisnotonfire, #amazingphil), in any phanfics, phanart (like specifically with them as a romantic ship), or phan edits. do not talk to their family members, expose their personal info like address or phone number, and do consider that they are real people just like u. we may make things based around phan, but it is kept in a community for us and not for dan and phil’s eyes. this is very important.

5. have fun!

sorry if this is all overwhelming, but i tried to make it as simplified as possible. and also sorry for the sass, i’m kinda tired of all the ding dongs on here and want to prevent further ding dongs from being created. thanks so much for readin and be sure to send me an ask anytime if u have questions! welcome to hell!

glossary

timmy darn communism: me being my usual weird self and replacing ‘tumblr dot com’ with random words that start with the same letters

mutuals: someone who you follow and who follows you; usually who u interact with most

rb: shortening for ‘reblog’

discourse: when theres is intense discussion of a certain topic, sometimes phan-related sometimes not, sometimes serious and sometimes silly

branding: the word ‘branding’ kinda started as a joke, but it’s generally what we use to call what someone’s blog reminds them of, whether it be a certain color or a discussion topic; my branding, if u asked a mutual, would probably be impressionism, tea, and baguettes (dont ask ab that one)

html: a simple type of coding used for designing websites! u can learn basic html here or here, it’s way easier and funner than it looks

dnp: dan and phil; we also say ‘deppy’, ‘dip and pip’, ‘the boys’, ‘the rats’, and more

coloring: basically the stylization of a gif, shown through filters, textures, contrast, brightness, etc. 

talk tag: a tag in which all of the textposts that a person makes are sorted into

phanfiction terms

smut: porn fic :/ 

fluff: just what it sounds like, a type of fic that usually has a lot of soft stuff like cuddling, flirting, and looooove

angst: a fic with a lot of drama, usually sad or very emotional

slow burn: a fic where a pairing, in this case phan, slowly falls in love

au: stands for ‘alternate universe’, a fic in which dan and phil are written not as youtubers but in a completely different scenario (ie. bad boy and new guy in high school, university students, space exhibition, anything u can dream up really)

anon: short for ‘anonymous’

op: short for ‘original poster’, aka who made the post

aftg asks; questions by triquetrine

these are so interesting so i did all of them.. i want to come back after a year and see if id still answer the same! 

op is the post before this or also tagged “misc” 

neil josten: favorite/most iconic line?

first one that comes to mind I’m not sure is a favorite or iconic line? but it’s a line i think about a lot and it always hurts to read. it’s when they're at the cabin in TKM. 

“He didn’t care how much it hurt so long as he could pull Andrew closer, and he let Andrew take him apart until he couldn’t think anymore.”

that comes at the very end of Chapter 14 and gosh just the paragraph that line comes from and the paragraph before…. the fact neil thinks andrew doesnt care about him the way he cares/feels about andrew is like….. CMON MAN but also i just love the pining angst of it. i like this line especially because the line right before it mentions neil working his “bandaged fingers into Andrew’s hair”. so the “he didnt care how much it hurt” to me always carried a double meaning of 1. the physical pain he felt bc of his injuries but also 2. the pain of unfamiliarity abt his feelings towards andrew and thinking it was unreciprocal AND THAT HED HAVE TO “WARN” ANDREW like the implication.. of neil thinking abt their “relationship” possibly ending bc andrew doesnt feel the same and maybe wouldnt want to be entangled in whatever neil was feeling …… IM LIKE neil knows andrew so well and him being so sure abt this but hes like …. WRONG …. e

nathaniel wesninski: one thing you would change about the books? (plot, characters, etc)

there is very little id change about the books if at all. mainly bc while i know there are upsetting things that happen/the charas do, i think all of those things make the series really interesting to analyze and talk about. i will say a moment i hated was when neil touches andrews scars when andrew makes it clear he doesn't want neil to pry about them. i know neil offers his scars in turn when he's trying to convince andrew to let neil look over kevin but that was controlled. he let andrew touch them and find out about them of his own volition. neil touches something directly related to the trauma andrew had just experienced again when he had 0 permission to do so. while i always get mad at neil for this when i read it i still dont think id change it or get rid of it. im not really sure how id change it anyways and i think andrews relationship with his scars (and himself in general) is probably what allows him to brush it off(?)/never bring this up (plus maybe neil offering his scars was enough for andrew) but i havent thought too hard about this. but ya i remember i got rlly angry w neil the first time i read this scene and i still get mad abt it when i reread.

andrew minyard: if you could be friends with one of the characters, who would you pick?

i mean realistically i wouldnt be friends w jocks ILL BE REAL LOL and i think as much as i love the monsters, theres no way id be friends w them haha uhm but prob dan would be most realistic! maybe even katelyn tbh.. 

kevin day: if you played exy, what would your position be?

oh i think dealer! in sports i liked being able to do both defense and offense bc it made me feel i had more control over the field, like i could always do something if there were any holes

dan wilds: favorite moment/scene?

definitely the hotel reunion scene. theres so much to it; it drives me nuts!!!!! but honestly there are probably a lot of really good moments im forgetting. to me the whole series is really enjoyable and every scene has something i could say about it haha

matt boyd: song you would love to see in a live-action adaptation?

Oggghh this is so hard… esp since it takes place in 2007???? Idk.. iconic artists then i suppose ghfgkjhf BUT i think general vibes i think itd be so cool if paramore (time relevant), ptv (also time relevant), and mitski were on the soundtrack……. Ya…….. 

nicky hemmick: which made you more emotional, neil at evermore or neil in baltimore?

neil in baltimore for sure… neil at evermore i can't remember what i felt the first time i read it (maybe pain LOL bc he was doing it for andrew and i felt like riko wouldnt keep his promise) but in my latest reread i was unimpressed by it (mostly bc i think riko is boring and unimpressive). i think i mightve said evermore in the past though….. maybe... neil in baltimore is like … GOD neils emotions are so strong during all of that its really juicy haha. i think like him being angry bc he was on the cusp of having everything he couldve ever dreamed of; the desperation of wanting to fight back and get away; even just the fear of being in the same room as his father for the first time in so long... all really juicy 

aaron minyard: a character you will defend to your death?

defend…. im not sure is the word i would use and i dont think i really believe in defending any of these charas “to death” bc of how flawed and complex they are; id like to acknowledge when they did wrong. i think id “defend” any of the characters if i saw anyone misinterpreting or misunderstanding them.. theyre all really interesting even if they didnt get too much spotlight. except maybe riko. hes incredibly boring to me. and also nathan ig and any of his crew just bc there is Nothing abt them rlly...

katelyn: which minor character do you wish you could see more of?

uhhhmmmmmmmm hmmmmmm….. idk maybe… jeremy…. gjfjgkdngmdghs just bc him and kevin r so funny.. i was thinking maybe jean too but…… idk a diff kind of kevin relationship lol (yikes) (pain) but really im satisfied w jeans screen time. i think ichirou is interesting but again i think he didn't rlly need more. maybe erik actually. im interested to know what nicky is like with him :0

allison reynolds: favorite headcanon about the foxes?

actually something i recently thought abt was neil and photography. iirc? andrew gives neil a camera in the ec and i also imagine kevin eventually gets another camera too (i loved that detail when we saw his room at the nest) so i thought abt neil and kevin sharing/trading pics they take of (mainly) scenery. i imagine neil takes pics of anything he wants to remember/keep while kevin is more prone to taking pics of subjects related to some nerd history stuff (lol) so thats why they trade scenery pics mainly. but i like this small connection bc i want more to their relationship than their exy obsession and i imagine they have room for more now that riko is gone and i just like this other commonality btwn them. i think maybe they mail the developed pics to each other maybe w small descripts/notes but thats it. and i also imagine it kind of just is something that started happening.. neil and andrew r on a roadtrip and some building reminds neil of kevin so he snaps a pic and eventually sends it to kevin w some note. kevin replies 1. either a text being like that is nothing. > neil: shrugs brushes it off but figures he is welcome to send more when kevin sends his own picture back or 2. kevin simply replies back similarly w his own photo. i dont know.. maybe this goes beyond what their actual relationship would be like but i do like the idea of them just bein like… dude friends u know so i want them to have more than just exy and a traumatizing experience between them. 

as for common headcanons within the fanbase…. i do like the allison + neil haircuts thing.. although im not sure if i imagine it the same as most haha i feel neil would know how to cut his own hair from his life on the run (though theyre not Good or bad just like ok u know like passable generic w/e) i think hed definitely be tense the first couple times but he has experience w allison being close from needing to be covered up w make up after winter break so i think she would be allowed. 

renee walker: favorite non-canonical ship? (renison, jerejean, etc)

uhmm to be honest none really… im way too attached to canon to be able to dismiss any established relationships. i think kevemy (??? is that the name) is rlly amusing but i dont want them together necessarily haha i used to rlly like renison mainly bc im a lesbian and i want “main” chara wlw relationships lol but i recently read something abt how bi allison doesnt rlly sit well w some bc she outs andrew and neil during the hotel scene.. i also agree this is kinda :/ if she was bi Mainly bc i feel a lot of ppl (or at least this is what i gather from renison stuff ive seen) portray allison already being established bi? if this makes sense. i think if renison/allison realizing shes bi is a later development id feel better abt it but usually renison is already established so ya her outing them does bother me…. BUT aside from this, thinking about them as characters and what their partners (would) look like… im not sure if theyd rlly choose each other.. but i still enjoy seeing them together in art and in fic bc in the end…. im a sucker for women lol….

seth gordon: most underrated dynamic? (matt & neil, wymack & andrew, etc)

my first thought was wymack and andrew bc i rlllllyy like their dynamic especially after reading their ec stuff. i loved their first meeting (andrews terrible sandwich??!?fhdhfjd) and when andrew breaks into wymacks apartment BUT i think ppl mention them enough its not underrated. i Actually think renee and andrews dynamic/friendship is rlly underrated/overlooked!!! especially after reading the son nefes ec i love their dynamic a lot… 

some son nefes moments of them i liked:  tw // rape

renee convincing andrew to go with her to see matt after his trip to edens

how many knives do u carry / one more than u IS SO FUNNY and just andrews persistence abt fighting renee is also rlly funny to me

tw // rape : the moment when andrew asks renee if she killed her rapist/abuser that whole convo was good… 

their convo in the rain w their tea

i cant remember when this happens or rlly exaclty what was said but renee offers andrew something (some help??) and he says i dont need (w/e it was) and she says something along the lines of  i know but it wouldnt do any harm or SOMETHING like that.. i like this bc she acknowledges their abilities while showing shed still like to offer some help. im p sure she does this another time too (w neil???? or someone i cant remember maybe it was andrew again) and i remember liking it too. she has a way w words and talking (also seen in her convincing andrew to see matt)

BUT regardless of ec stuff i think their relationship/dynamic seen in the books is rlly good too. theres def enough to be intrigued by them and i always have been? so i'm reeeaallly happy son nefes exists i loved reading it..

david wymack: which ncaa team would you play for?

oh to be honest i dont rlly remember many of them but of the Three (ravens, foxes, trojans) prob trojans. i remember i even got them in a uquiz once… 

abby winfield: which character was the most realistically written?

first that came to mind was aaron actually.. i remember before when i didnt rlly like him or care abt him it was actually bc he was too “boring” to me. i always thought he had the most realistic reactions to things which is what made him boring to me amidst the ridiculousness of, well, everything in aftg lol… i still think he is really realistically written but now i dont think hes boring haha

besty dobson: how many times have you read the series?

fully i think…. only 3 times… i wish this were a higher count but i actually feel guilty everytime i try to reread it.

riko moriyama: coolest exy moment? (kevin’s last-minute point against the ravens, andrew shutting down the goal, etc)

uhhmm uhmm i def think kevin during the final game against the ravens…. hes so cool haha but i KNOW there were a lot of game moments that i thought were really cool so i cant rlly say…. oh also i love neil being defense in that game too rlly juicy wish i could pull up obscure moments bc i know i rlly enjoyed reading the games but terrible memory...

jeremy knox: which do you like reading more, domestic!foxes or chaotic!foxes?

uh i guess chaotic? not rlly sure exactly what that could entail but i do like… their chaos.. when they have fights and squabbles and stuff… this includes the high tension moments. ALTHOUGH i do like the tiny lines in the books when we see the monsters just doing like random basic everyday life stuff like playing video games or whatever. i like…. imagining them... fhdjfjshfjs… as for fic def chaos. i feel domestic is usually too softened….. 

jean moreau: favorite friendship?

oh i think this goes back to andrew and renee. but other than them… i do like neil and matts friendship.. though probably not the same as its typically portrayed 

I may or may not do a Proper Review of the Twisted Tales series at a later date, but here’s my brief summary/review of the first three. This WILL contain spoilers. 

Also @fantastic-nonsense​, have you heard of/read any of these? I know that fairy tales are kind of your jam. :V

A Whole New World

Easily my favorite of the three by far

Really leans in to the whole “the same Disney Movie You Know but with One Twist” thing they claim to have going on

Jafar gets the lamp

And that’s where it all goes to shit

Everything builds off of this one singular change in the timeline - while things are built up/expanded in the past, frankly it’s nothing that goes against the actual movie. 

For example, the King being little more then a man-child ignoring the problems in his city. Not specifically mentioned in the movie but given the King’s personality/the slums we see, it’s not out of the realm of possibility. 

Building on Aladdin’s past friendships - again, not something we actually see in movie, but not necessarily ooc either.

Also Jafar kills the Sultan, uses magic to raise the dead (the genie can’t do it, but Jafar uses his newfound power to look for a way around that.) 

BUT YEAH there are zombies all of a sudden, including children. 

This book was baller, 10/10 would recommend, even if just for the Holy Shit What The Fuck-ness of it.  

Once Upon A Dream

Middle of the pack IMO. 

I don’t actually have anything against the idea of the plot.

Aurora is highly different from her movie counterpart. It’s not necessarily bad IMO, but it was Distracting. 

Aurora and Philip were cute, though. 

Aurora’s parent’s get killed before she gets a chance to meet them. :( 

But then?? She/the plot seems to agree with Maleficent that it was all their fault for sending their child away?? 

And, of course, ~Maleficent~ wouldn’t ever do something like that

Ignoring for the moment that they sent her away because Maleficent had put a curse on a fucking baby that was supposed to kill her 

and it was only because another fairy intervened that she didn’t die

Maleficent, you don’t get to police how other people deal with that shit when it’s your fault  they have to deal with it

And also you killed them and it’s your fault Aurora never got to meet her parents. 

I was worried they were going to pull a Maleficent at the beginning with the framing device that Maleficent was the good guy and the three good fairies/the King and Queen were the bad guy, but the twist was nice

Not my fav, and while I did laugh out loud at some parts, I ended up feeling like I was reading about two OC’s who’d snuck into the plot rather then the Disney versions of the characters. 

This was especially annoying bc the part where the book “twisted” the tale was around Aurora pricking her finger/Maleficent dying - aka the end of the friggen movie.  

6/10 wouldn’t recommend but wouldn’t anti-recommend either. 

As Old As Time

This book was very... Yikes

Yikes Yikes Yikes

Okay, maybe I’m overthinking this - I’m not actually Jewish, but it felt like this book appropriated/exploited a lot of Jewish historical suffering? 

This one is under a cut bc potential antisemitism

Twist is that Belle’s mother was the Enchantress, but honestly, that didn’t feel like enough of a twist to justify everything that happens in the book

Once upon a time, in a far away land, there was a kingdom. This kingdom had many people within it’s borders, including a number of Jewish people magical folk. Belle’s mother is one of those Jewish people magical folk, only she’s a good Jew magical person with her “Aryan” looks blonde hair and light eyes (tbh I can’t remember if they were green or blue). 

Among Maurice’s companions include a man who hates his Jewish heritage magical abilities and thinks of magic as unnecessary/evil. 

Belle’s mother settles down with Maurice and has a baby with him, but things are starting to go poorly for the Jewish magical people. A plague arrives and the magical people (you get the point so I’m going to stop now) are blamed for it. Belle’s mom goes to the castle to try and bargain for help and because she is a Good Magical Person she casts a spell of protection on all of the children in the castle. 

Meanwhile, magical folk are disappearing, but no one knows where to. To combat this, a series of people - including Mr. Potts - run a smuggling ring to get magical people out of the country. This is Important as things are continuing to go Wrong and the magical people are being blamed for all the countries ills. 

In the end, the bad guy is the man who hated his magical abilities. He’s also Monsieur D’Arque - the asylum owner. He experimented on his brain (like, actual brain surgery) to get rid of his powers, and he’s been kidnapping and torturing magical beings since in order to try and figure out how to destroy all magical beings. Let me be clear, he is pretty much a Disney Fanfic Version of Josef Mengele. His experiments were horrible. Belle’s mom was one of those taken*, and she was tortured so badly... It’s horrifying, reading the description. 

*As one of her last spells, she had removed everyone’s memories of her connection to Belle & Maurice to protect them, and that’s why D’Arque didn’t go after them at first. 

There are other things, too, little bits here and there that really made me feel uncomfortable, like the book was appropriating this historical persecution of Jewish people for it’s own ends, but again, I’m not Jewish, and therefore not qualified to make A Statement on Antisemitism. I’m just noting the things I noticed.

That’s my Number One Big Problem with the book, and why I’d probably give it 1/5 stars, if that. That being said, that wasn’t my only problem with the book. The thing is, it wasn’t a good book that used unfortunate metaphors, it just felt like really really really bad fanfic on top of that. I don’t mention the following because I think they’re equal to what I noted above, I mention the following because these were other things that really annoyed me, and I wanted to rant about it:

Who the fuck are you, and what have you done with the beast? 

You know how, in the movie, when the Beast knows that Belle is a chance to break the curse, and he still is an angry asshole to her even though realistically being kind would be more likely to cause her to fall in love with him & to break the spell.  

Yeah, forget all that. 

Belle touches the rose, learns about the curse, remembers her mother, and knows that she’s unlikely to fall in love with him now that she knows she “has” to.

The Beast, in return, turns into Bad!Fanfic!Draco/Zuko. You know, the kinds that show up in bad Dramaione/Zutara fics. (I’m not saying they’re all bad, but come on, you know what I mean when I refer to Bad Versions Of Those Fics. 

You know the archetype. 

Despite finding out that he may be Cursed Forever he puts on a tablecloth like an apron and helps Belle cook. 

................................Yeah. 

I read a Miraculous Ladybug fanfic that was Beauty and the Beast and something similar-ish occurred, but there it made sense. There it was in-character. 

Also there’s a scene where the Beast is literally groveling on his hands and knees to get Gaston’s help.

Do you see what I mean about “bad fanfic”? 

Anticlimax

The whole mob @ the asylum ends because LeFou recognizes his aunt (?) as one of the patients and that’s pretty much all it takes to turn people’s minds around. Maybe this could have worked with better set-up (LeFou’s POV book?) but... Yeah............

Anticlimactic Gaston

You know all that power he had over people in the village? How he was so well-liked he had his own theme song? How he was able to get everyone to set up a wedding in like... A day? How he had girls swooning over him? How the tavern was his house of worship? How he was able to get a mob going to attack a Dangerous Beast by sheer virtue of Who He Was in the village? How it took him plunging to his death to stop his cruelty? 

Yeah, there’s none of that in this book. 

People start recognizing the people in the asylum, and that’s just... It. They don’t turn on him, but they do turn away from him, and he just kind of... Takes it. It’s like they gave canon!Gaston valium. Why wasn’t he angry when he lost control? Why didn’t he rage when people betrayed him? Those are canon actions even before Belle meets the Beast! It just doesn’t make any sense that he’d just lie down and take it. 

And the Furries Rejoiced 

Belle doesn’t break the curse, but her mother has enough power to break part of it. The Beast somehow Stops Losing His Humanity because Luv (??) but that’s not enough to actually break the curse. The Beast asks the enchantress to break the curse on his people instead, and she does, leaving the Beast totally fine with being trapped in an alien, monstrous body. There is hope - if they can gather other fairy tale creatures to his palace*, they might be able to band together to break it. And like, I get it. People seem to have a hard on for the beastly form, but the book totally glosses over his canonical frustration with his inhuman form. See again, the cooking, and turning into LeatherPants!Draco/Zuko. It’s frustrating - again, that’s something that could have genuinely be fascinating, but it just felt like a cop-out so that the book could end with him still a furry. 

Like, do that if you want, but actually make it a consequence with some emotion behind it rather then just being kind of... Meh.   

* His palace was magically hidden & that part of the curse didn’t break meaning that it has the potential to become a haven for persecuted magical beings.

U kno what plot twist ill only ask u for all the even numbers this time!!! Unless any of the odd ones involve music bc i know those are the ones u rly wanna answer so

MARK THE DAY KIDS JO IS BEING NICE TO ME

anyway this is a hella long post lmao s o r r y

2. name your favourite books; why are they your favourite books and do they affect your writing?

my all time favourite is To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee which like,, I feel like it doesn’t really affect my writing but it definitely reignited my love for literature which I guess consequently led to me getting back into writing??

also the A to Z of You and Me by James Hannah literally ripped out my heart and stomped on it and I’m seriously pretty sure I finished it within a few hours of starting it. That one probably does affect my writing because it’s very angsty but also in terms of style it’s pretty fragmented which is kinda the direction I tend to go in so!!!

I’m yet to make it past the first chapter but the style of Anna Karenina by Leo Tolstoy is,,, everything 

not technically a book but I’m a theatre major so ofc i’m gonna include a play!!! 4.48 Psychosis by Sarah Kane ripped my heart out, tore it to pieces, threw it on the ground and stomped on it (also side note it took me a solid week and a half to recover from watching it performed live). the style is so abstract and disjointed and strange and fragmented but it’s so so perfect and absolutely heartbreaking (also big ass trigger warning if you’re thinking about looking it up)

ALSO i got about halfway through before life got in the way so I didn’t get the chance to finish it but I absolutely adore the style of Fahrenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury and like,,, fun fact I’m actually related to him so ???? i guess writing runs in the family ????? and yeah there are some small parts of that book that I read and thought ‘this sounds like something i would write’ just because i feel like we have pretty similar styles4. why do you like writing? what inspired you to put paper to pen?

I guess I haven’t ever really been happy just living one life or doing one thing at a time so,,,, I write 6. tag any writers that you want to collab with!

hoooooo boy um ?? literally ?? everyone??? but specifically @elsaclack @startofamoment @kasuchi @peraltiagoisland and my girl @johnnydora but for real i wanna write with EVERYONE 8. how many wip do you currently have? which one is your favourite as of the moment?

HA HA HA HA HA for real I literally have like,,, 4 Big Major Fics in the works and then like 11-12 little drabble things also in progress (and by in progress I mean I’ve thought about them and done absolutely nothing else)10. describe your writing in five sentences or less.

sentences suck imma do dot points

- I can’t write chronologically and the beginning of a story is usually the last thing I do

- I have a tendency to write ‘moments’ as opposed to actual full fledged stories if that makes sense? like I find it so much easier to write little ‘scenes’ or slices of life so i often use quite a few time jumps because i find it so difficult to write the stuff that occurs in between big moments

- i always spend so much time and so many words describing the littlest details because those are what i think are most important 

- literally everything i write has a song associated with it and i can’t write without music 

- i either use really long super flowery descriptive sentences, or sentences with like 3 words in them. there is no in between 

12. what do you associate with each of your stories? with your writing in general?

I mean I’ve only published two (2) things on here/ao3 so far but like I mentioned before the music thing so I suppose i associate particular songs with each of my stories?

but also like in general all of my writing comes from a really intense emotional place and like, even if I’m unsure of how my?? mental state?? is doing at a particular time, it comes through in my writing. so if i suddenly only wanna write fluff i know i’m doing okay, whereas i kinda have to be sad to write something angsty like the hellfic14. write a personal history/mini autobiography/author description that you don’t mind sharing.

smol anxious tina fey wannabe spends too much time crying in her room thinking about so many stories while putting off actually writing 16. three pieces of other’s writing that people need to read to understand your inspirations and you?

alright i know like everyone and their dog has already read it but foR REAL @elsaclack‘s sleepwalking changed my goddamn life alright it was literally everything i had ever wanted in a fic and i am still Shooktd to this day okay frick

Veronika Decides to Die by Paulo Coelho is also a book that is very important to me and I think everyone should read it 

Neighbourhood Watch by Lally Katz is the first play that actually made me cry just by reading it (like, I didn’t see it live, I cried reading the actual text) because god there’s so much emotion and so many issues that it deals with that are very close to my heart and it reminded me a lot of some people I’m very close to so!!!!18. make a playlist for people to listen to if they want to understand you.

AIGHT I DON’T HAVE TIME TO DO AN ACTUAL PLAYLIST RN BUT I’M GONNA EDIT THIS LATER AND ADD A LINK BUT FOR NOW HERE ARE SOME OF MY ALL TIME FAVOURITE SONGS:

America - XYLØ

Young Blood - The Naked and Famous

Go Bang - PNAU

Sucker - Peaches

Raspberry Beret - Prince

Salvation - The Cranberries

Hero - Regina Spektor

Caught - Florence + The Machine

Time (Video Version) - Stray Dogg & Devendra Banhart

Leaving the City - Joanna Newsom

September 22nd - Brock Berrigan

Havana - Camila Cabello

Queen of Peace - Florence + The Machine

Regular Touch - Vera Blue

Here I Lie - Marika Hackman

Maneater - Nelly Furtado 

Kiwi - Harry Styles

Shut Up and Dance - WALK THE MOON

Baby I Call Hell - Deap Vally

Motel - Meg Myers20. describe your writing life in one sentence. 

I have been writing since I could hold a pen, and telling stories since before then22. your favourite characters to write and why.

oBVIOUSLY JAKE AND AMY but like I think I find Jake just a tiiiiiny bit easier to write because I’m always talking about Amy, like, externally??24. name one fact about yourself that you want your readers to know about you.

for real i’ve literally been writing since i could hold a pen. my mum still has ‘books’ i wrote when i was 3 about the adventures of my teddy bear lmfao26. what are your writing goals for the week? for the month? for the year? how many words/poems do you write per week?

HAHAHAHH WELLLLLL i was meant to be doing nanowrimo this month but then some Things happened so it hasn’t really gotten done. my biggest writing goal at the moment is to make some soliddddd progress on the hellfic (it’s all planned and a lot of the next chapter is written i just,,, can’t make the words work atm) so!!!

also i pretty much write when i have ideas?? which is,,, not often unfortunately

Detailed character sheet

I did this chart before I started writing Parent Trope to try to get Hecate straight (HA) in my head- I’m currently writing a Julie/Hecate fic, but you’ll see Pippa in the chart bc I think they have amazing chemistry as well!

Character Chart Character’s full name: Hecate Hepzibah Hardbroom (it would be a shame to waste the alliteration) Reason or meaning of name: Hecate: in Greek mythology Hecate was a goddess associated with witchcraft, crossroads, tombs, demons and the underworld Hepzibah: my delight is in her; queen, mother Character’s nickname: Cattie Reason for nickname: Heck sounds like a swear, I like nicknames to be derivative, her other nickname is Hiccup but that’s definitely an inside joke reserved for super close friends. She doesn’t have many. Birth date: March 28, Aries Physical Appearance: “tall, severe” all black everything, dress to impress and repress, setting an example through stiffness and height of collar Age: 35 How old does he/she appear: don’t you dare answer this Weight: 140 Height: 6'1" Body build: slim, whiplike Shape of face: long, narrow, roman nose Eye color: dark- black? Brown? Glasses or contacts: no Skin tone: pale, doesn’t flush easily Distinguishing marks: maybe tattoos, self applied, all with meaning, all magical Predominant features: cheekbones, nose Hair color: black Type of hair: very long, always perfectly coiffed Hairstyle: buns, braided buns, parted down the center and brushed until shining for bed; formal events might call for more intricate buns and braids Voice: soft, forceful Overall attractiveness: yes Physical disabilities: She prefers not to walk far distances. Could have stiffness in joints she hides with motion of skirt, transporting place to place. Sits very carefully on a broom. Usual fashion of dress: very reserved, all covered, dramatic collars, belts and cinching garments. Probably owns a million corsets and a trillion heeled boots Favorite outfit: lbd (long black dress) Jewelry or accessories: locket, small earrings with dark gemstones- sapphire? Personality: stern but fair, deep sense of traditions and sacrifice Good personality traits: honest, loyal, trusting, believes in goodness, strong sense of duty and tradition, invested in the future of her students Bad personality traits: quick to anger slow to forgiveness, not always brave (has been abused), not very confident in herself as valuable and worthy of love Mood character is most often in: suspicion? Outside of school year probably content, thinking deeply Sense of humor: wicked- willing to let her guard down in special occasions, likes to be around people who are laughing as long as they are not laughing at her Character’s greatest joy in life: flying on her broomstick, succeeding Character’s greatest fear: that she will fail her community, see the collapse of her way of life Why? She has devoted so much time to developing herself into the “perfect witch” and trying to mold her students in that same image but because she is very sensitive to criticism and cannot take a compliment she is more aware of her failings and is unable to get past them What single event would most throw this character’s life into complete turmoil? Not the loss of a friend unless they were beyond her reach- the death of a student. The return to being in a position where her father or former teacher had power over her again Character is most at ease when: on holiday, asleep, after bed checks Most ill at ease when: students or friends missing Enraged when: students or friends in danger or students not performing to her standards Depressed or sad when: major holidays, her birthday roll around. Priorities: 1. Work as a teacher, 2. Deputy headmistress duties 3. Friend duties (small talk in the lounge) Life philosophy: live life head first (wand second, heart last) If granted one wish, it would be: I think she would wish that she could ensure her students would reach their full potential without her having to be such a hard ass so she could relax a little Why? I know that most teachers aren’t so invested in their students that they wouldn’t wish for a pile of money or a big house or a new life but I think Hecate doesn’t really have much else that we can see- no partner, no kids, few friends Character’s soft spot: cats, small clumsy girls with braids who surprise her Is this soft spot obvious to others? Yes. To adults. Greatest strength: her magic because it gives her pride and purpose, she depends on it in tough situations. She would be amazing without it as well but it strengthens her Greatest vulnerability or weakness: has a hard time admitting she was wrong Biggest regret: Letting Pippa go Minor regret: trying so hard to expel Mildred right at the start Biggest accomplishment: getting out from under her father and teacher Minor accomplishment: making up with Pippa Past failures he/she would be embarrassed to have people know about: failed her first flying test and her second Why? She NEEDS to be perfect Character’s darkest secret: She was abused, she is a lesbian Does anyone else know? Not about the abuse, but Ada knows. Hecate disclosed it when she was offered a job. She said Ada needed to know before she hired her so she would be ready if parents took offense or found out. She was also hoping that maybe she could make up with Pippa one day. Or that maybe she could find love. Goals: get through this school year, go to her cottage and garden until she has to return. Not see any children during the summer. The garden is for bees Drives and motivations: repressed romantic and squishy feelings get funneled into a drive to wring the best out of everyone and hold herself to a high standard. Appearance is really important as is standing in witch society. Witnessed deference to the great wizard, to Ethel’s mum Immediate goals: clean, garden, relax, plan for year two, have tea with Pippa. Keep Ada from eating only cookies Long term goals: become headmistress, role model, successful disciplinarian How the character plans to accomplish these goals: deputy headmistress position, Ada has no heir, political friendships would come in handy How other characters will be affected: Ada would have to die or retire. Would need a new deputy. Past: bad, doesn’t talk about it. Has one brother, much older. He is in government. Something boring but important like taxes. Mother is alive but out of reach. Father is iron fisted, in his prime despite old age. Hometown: London. Type of childhood: restricted. Austere. No interaction with non magical families. Very small group of friends, not real friends, just social group friends. Upper middle class. Private nurse and tutor as a young child she adored, went to a school other than Cackles in Germany, attended teachers training under Broomhead? Many instances of rebellion, many instances of being smacked down. Has a strong sense of right and wrong, fair and not but has learned to support fair and right quietly without outright rebellion Pets: a cat, sapphire First memory: watching a party from the stairs before being sent back to her nursery Most important childhood memory: her father burning a non magical novel she was reading Why: he was trying to teach her a lesson about magic being the best but instead he taught her to hide everything she treasures Childhood hero: queen Elizabeth Dream job: potioneer Education: masters? Phd? Religion: none, laws of magic Finances: family was wealthy Present Current location: summer cottage Currently living with: her cat Pets: cat Religion: Occupation: teaching potions brewing in the summer Finances: well off but not wealthy. Inherited a cottage from an aunt who was eccentric and outcast Family Mother: Relationship with her: Father: Relationship with him: Siblings: Relationship with them: Spouse: Relationship with him/her: Children: Relationship with them: Other important family members: aunt, dead Favorites Color: black Least favorite color: white (it washes her out) Music: quiet instrumental. The lute Food: not a hearty water or an adventurous cook. Has a few favorites others would consider plain Literature: voracious reader. Secret pleasure: mysteries. Staples: potion and education journals Form of entertainment: plays! Expressions: Mode of transportation: broom, transferring Most prized possession: ceremonial wand used by her grandmother’s coven to discover Atlantis and raise it Habits: transferring everywhere, touching her locket when she is thinking, flicking her hair around dramatically when it is loose Hobbies: gardening, flying, beekeeping Plays a musical instrument? Yes, the piano Plays a sport? Yes, broom polo How he/she would spend a rainy day: reading with a cup of tea Spending habits: lbds, books, potion ingredients but thrifty otherwise Smokes: never Drinks: socially Other drugs: What does he/she do too much of? Spend time alone What does he/she do too little of? Socialize Extremely skilled at: spells, potions Extremely unskilled at: spontaneous social interactions Nervous tics: fingers clenching or starting a spell Usual body posture: straight backed, strong chin and neck Mannerisms: each movement is considered and graceful Peculiarities: has a leather bathrobe???? Traits Optimist or pessimist? Pessimistic Introvert or extrovert? Introvert Daredevil or cautious? Daredevil Logical or emotional? Logical Disorderly and messy or methodical and neat? Methodical and neat Prefers working or relaxing? Working Confident or unsure of himself/herself? Confident but poor self esteem Animal lover? Yes Self-Perception How he/she feels about himself/herself: feels satisfied with herself and proud of how she turned out One word the character would use to describe self: disciplinarian One paragraph description of how the character would describe self: I, Hecate Hepzibah Hardbroom am a competent, respectable educator and a gifted potioneer. I am a leader, I manage my time and the time of my charges judiciously. I am devoted to upholding the standard of witchcraft as I learned them. I believe modernization is a dumbing down of a difficult process. I do not believe that everyone with magical powers deserves the title of witch, but deeply respect those it has been conferred upon. What does the character consider his/her best personality trait? Self control What does the character consider his/her worst personality trait? Softness   What does the character consider his/her best physical characteristic? Her figure and her hair What does the character consider his/her worst physical characteristic? Her  nose How does the character think others perceive him/her: wants them to respect her, see her as an authority figure What would the character most like to change about himself/herself: residual scars from abuse, physical and emotional Relationships With Others Opinion of other people in general: depends but usually “worse” than her until they prove themselves to have some redeeming quality(like with Ada, too soft but also, loving and fair) Does the character hide his/her true opinions and emotions from others? No; is sarcastic Person character most hates: Her father, her tutor Best friend(s): Pippa Love interest(s): Pippa, Ms. Drill, Julie Hubble Person character goes to for advice: Ada Cackle Person character feels responsible for or takes care of: Mildred Hubble Person character feels shy or awkward around: Pippa Person character openly admires: Great wizard, that disciplinarian Person character secretly admires: Maud Spellbody- lots of potential, but selfless, invested in friends Most important person in character’s life before story starts: Ada After story starts: It’s a tie bt Ada, Pippa, and Mildred

@cassandra-pentughasst (hope I tagged the right person!)