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lua-bunny · 11 days

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Headcanons - Tate Langdon

imagine this as an AU where Tate just died, but didn't do the school massacre, because....too sensitive to imagine!

The reader is gender neutral!

Tate alive (90s)

-He carries one of your hair ties or a bracelet on his own wrist. He randomly stole from you one day and you never noticed. If you eventually notice, he will tell you that he likes to carry a part of you with him.

-He loves skipping school and would make you skip school to be with him.

-He would hate to go to the prom, but if it's important to you, he'll make an effort and go.

-He would probably take a while to tell you he loves you because he thinks it is initially a sign of weakness.

-He is intelligent, but not the kind of school intelligence, but rather specific, things he learned in life with his interests.

-He listens to Nirvana, a lot, and he'd be really happy if you liked Kurt or something.

-He probably fell in love for you very easily, before you even knew who he was.

-If you're one of those persons who likes rock music and has a piercing, a tatto or something like that, this guy will fall at your feet, easily.

-He hates being yelled at. It reminds him of Constance and his stepfather and he hates them. It doesn't stop him from screaming or anything, but he definitely cries afterwards.

-This boy is JEALOUS. If you were a popular person, like a cheerleader or a player, maybe a band singer, he would freak out over all the applause and attention you get.

-He's weird, so he'd probably dedicate some song with questionable lyrics, or some Russian movie about cannibalism and he'd hope you loved it as much as he did.

-He would never invite you to his house. He would also never tell his family that you are more then a friend. Not out of shame for you, but out of shame for his family.

-He would let you paint his nails black (just black) and he would help you paint your nails. He also agrees to do your makeup if you want to or let you do black smoky eyes (even if he pretends to hate it).

-He would probably write you cute notes and put them in your coat, your bag or even in your car

-If you were a fan of horror films, he would curate with you which film is the bloodiest. If you were scared, he would put some weaker scary movies on TV and hug you so you wouldn't be scared.

-He's terrible with feelings. He feels like everyone hates him, and he feels like he hates everyone. You'd basically be the only exception, but it means he'll never really let you go.

-He has a lot of sadness and repressed anger (taking into account that in this AU he never killed anyone) so he would be someone quite unstable, he would probably have borderline or bipolar depression, but he wouldn't go to any psychologist.

-He is really unique (especially in the 90s) so it would really be difficult to find someone like Tate.

-He is definitely a pathological liar. He will lie for small and useless things. that you will never discover and that in the end will become true in the story you remember.

Tate dead (Murder house season)

-He doesn't understand the concept of privacy. He doesn't care about looking at your cell phone, or your computer, saying personal things about you to your friends or parents and he doesn't understand you wanting to do things without him/without telling him. If you date him, he literally wants to be attached to your hip. As if you shared the same life.

-He HATES you having parties at Murder House or having your friends over. He will always complain about not getting attention and about how idiots all your friends are.

-Like I said, he's not good with feelings, so the only way he can express himself is by crying. He cries. A LOT. And he always expects you to comfort him (he would also use this to manipulate you if he did something bad)

-He likes to be validated. He's never received this from anyone so if you say nice things to Tate, he'll definitely love it (and probably cry)

-He likes listening more than talking. So sometimes he will sit on your bed, cross his legs and listen to you talking about anything for hours.

-He really likes contact. Be it sleeping hugging you, kissing you, or placing a hand on your thigh . He will always have one finger touching you.

-He will recommend you books, movies, songs and he expects you to like to them all and tell him about them.

-If he is angry about something or someone, he would like to be hugged like the little spoon and have his hair stroked while he complains about something that upset him, eventually, he would get angrier and knock over one of your decorations, or he would punch something, but he would always cry about it (Tate is a good cry baby)

-He would like to hide in places you couldn't predict to watch you. He likes to do this while you sleep, or while you're in the bathtub, just to make sure you're alive and well.

-He hates being trapped in that house so he would never want you to be trapped. He would like you to stay in the house because you want to and not because the supernatural trapped you there.

-He would hate the fact that you have to go to school/college/work because it means he can't check up on you and that you could be in danger.

-He's a bit obsessed with hair. He would love to touch your hair and he would love for you to touch his too.

-He would make very specific and different compliments, never obvious things. "I like the shape of your face", "the smell of your hair is good", "I like your accent", all those things.

-If you smoke, drink or something like that, he will get angry, because that means you can die outside the house and leave him, or die inside the house and get angry with him.

-He protects you from the other ghosts in the house and even from his own mother (who keeps invading your home).

-He would find a thousand things to do with you on Halloween, since it's the only day he can leave Murder House. He would like to do things that make you seem like a normal couple, for you.

-Since he can't be your boyfriend in public, he would like some matching jewelry, some tatto, anything to show that you were his and vice versa.

-He usually feels what you are feeling. If you are angry with someone, he is too, if you are sad with someone, he is too, and so on.

#tate langdon #tate and violet #murder house #american horror story #ahs murder house #headcanon #tate langdon x reader

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slexenskee · 11 months

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Running List of No Scrubs Albums

Because even I can't keep up with them anymore lol. I'll update it as I go. Also yes there are 6 official albums with 6 songs each... because Gojo is lame lol. And yes the acoustic albums are 5 songs... because he's extra lame

Spotify Playlist

update as of 09/18/23 bc I'm a f** scrub with commitment issues clearly

1. Thanks, I Hate it Here:

The 2nd album by release order, but first in chronological order of when they played them live. Yes, Gojo was feeling himself in his classic FOB phase real hard on this one lol. I find the evolution of FOB's discography IRL to be really fascinating, so I wanted to emulate it in the fic. This album is almost entirely FOB because Gojo realized flopping around bands and genres was difficult for the rest of his band, so he decided to first focus on one kind of ‘sound’ until they got used to playing together.

Critics will later call it a bit unpolished and juvenile in comparison to the refined sound, themes, and quality production of later albums, with it's younger and simpler narratives. Thematically it tends to resonate more with a younger crowd, which people accredit to Ru-kun's assumed age of writing at the time (late teens). In other words, it becomes the quintessential 'middle school glory days' playlist for an entire generation of No Scrubs fans.

A Loaded God Complex - (Sugar We're Going Down) FOB

Reinventing the Wheel to Run Myself Over - FOB

In Too Deep - Sum 41

Homesick at Space Camp - FOB

A Little Less Sixteen Candles - FOB

Dance, Dance - FOB

2. Good News For People Who Love Bad News

This was No Scrubs' first album ever released on a streaming platform, but it compromises songs more from their 2nd live setlist chronologically. A cult favorite amongst the fans, this album is fun and bratty with a combination of punchy pop punk lyrics, theatrical narratives, and catchy hooks that become unanimous with the band's dramatic flair. No Scrubs always had a rep as an underground alternative band with petty delinquent vibes, but this album definitely solidified them as the patron saint of all the edgy and misunderstood goth punks.

At this point the band had been together for a few years and Gojo definitely felt satisfied with the way the band was coming together and wanted to throw in some more famous mid 2000s pop punk bands into the mix.

Nobody Puts Baby In The Corner - FOB

I'm Not Okay (I promise) - MCR

In One Ear - Cage the Elephant

But It's Better if You Do - Panic!

I Write Sins not Tragedies - Panic!

Jesus of Suburbia - Green Day

3. Death Before Decaf

After playing up the 'pop' quite a bit in the last album, No Scrubs digs deep into some gritty grunge roots with their third album, full of noisy amped up rock anthems. Thematically it was considered their strongest album at the time of release, with intense vocals and lyrics covering dark and personal topics beneath the guise of their distinctive and iconic instrumental riffs. The juxtaposition between the catchy sing-along hooks and the depressing deeper meaning to the words made this album an instant classic. It remains a fan favorite of music critics for Ru-kun's scorchingly honest handling of raw and deeply personal themes like suicide, depression, and substance abuses. After the identities of the band members became public, it became a hotly debated album amongst No Scrubs fans, who consider it a cathartic outlet for a lot of the trauma that turned Ru-kun into a villain, but also a worrying one full of suicidal ideation, alcoholism, drugs, and child abuse.

On his part, Gojo was feeling nostalgic for his youth and felt it an affront that the likes of Nirvana and Weezer had never been experienced in the MHA universe. He gets asked about these songs a lot, specifically about Today, Semi-Charmed Life, and Say it Ain't So, which all seem to allude to a dark history. He often tells people Semi-Charmed Life is one of his favorite songs ever, which doesn't help matters, and also alarms several psychologists, who worry he's romanticizing what was clearly a very unhealthy time in his life.

My Own Worst Enemy - Lit

Today is the Greatest - (Today) Smashing Pumpkins

Smells Like Teen Spirit - Nirvana

Come As You Are - Nirvana

Say It Ain't So - Weezer

Semi-Charmed Life - Third Eye Blind

4. Glass Onion Heart

Aka the "Baby boy who hurt you???" album inspiring sexuality crises across the world

Glass Onion Heart feels like a wild card of metamorphosis from No Scrubs' prior albums, with the addition of more electronic, pop, and synth instrumental mixing. Combined with the explosive and flashy tour that accompanied the album's release, it felt like a radical departure from the band's classic garage-band sound, into a more streamlined, pop format.

The album was met with divisiveness from fans, not helped by the news of the band's breakup following the album release and subsequent tour. While many adored the new direction, long-time fans mourned the loss of the quintessential indie and underground 'No Scrubs' aesthetic, especially when faced with the thought of their final album. Nonetheless, it was the band's most popular album at time of release by a wide margin. It certainly helped the album's popularity that Ru-kun did the entire tour in drag.

At this point fans the world over became intrigued by No Scrubs and their burgeoning fame, prompting Gojo to name the album 'Glass Onion' after the Beatles song of the same name, because there is no deeper meaning to any of his songs, he's literally ripping them off from bands that don't exist. Fans spend way too long trying to figure out who this album was inspired by - who could have possibly broken their precious Ru-kun's heart?? - and as we enlightened No Scrubs fans know, it was no one. Literally no one. Gojo just really liked this femme fatale vibe, and decided to cross dress the entire tour because of it.

Tokyo - The Wombats

Dance Floor Anthem - Good Charlotte

Thanks for the Memories - Fall Out Boy

I'm the Leading Man - (This Ain't a Scene) Fall Out Boy

Moving to New York - The Wombats

Misery Business - Paramore

5. Infinity on High

Hailed as a return to the unfettered, unabashed, anti-establishment garage-band jam-session appeal that had people flocking to No Scrubs in their heyday, this album made an intense splash as No Scrubs' Comeback Album. Despite the return to their signature gritty rock sound, this album was in fact the most produced of any of No Scrubs' albums. This album marks both the return of No Scrubs as well as their launch into global superstardom.

Ironically, Gojo named this after his favorite FOB album (I mean it IS called Infinity lol) despite not including a single FOB track. Fans widely consider "Island in the Sun" to be specifically about Hawks, which Gojo never confirms or denies (although he definitely did think the similarities to their island mission were amusing). In reality, the song that reminds him of Hawks - and himself - the most is Mayonnaise, which might be why it's one of his favorites.

Holiday - Green Day

Cherub Rock - Smashing Pumpkins

Cool Enough - (Mayonnaise) Smashing Pumpkins

1979 - Smashing Pumpkins

Island in the Sun - Weezer

Wake Me Up - (Wake Me Up When September Ends) Green Day

Bonus: Don't You Know Who (I Think) I AM? Acoustic Album

The first of Ru-kun's unexpected - and according to Makoto, utterly unplanned - acoustic albums, this bonus LP was met with delight and excitement from fans after Ru-kun had teased its release on Twitter. The intimate and personal nature of the simplistic mixing gave this album a cult following, and brought in a new segment of music fans that No Scrubs' music normally didn't appeal to.

Nobody Puts Baby In the Corner - Fall Out Boy

Grand Theft Autumn - Fall Out Boy

My Heart is the Worst Kind of Weapon - Fall Out Boy

Notion - Rare Occasions

No Such Thing - John Mayer

Bonus: Take (Me) With a Grain of Salt

Despite the critical acclaim this acoustic album (and the full band versions eventually released afterwards) it was met with a lot of incendiary response at the time of its release. No Scrubs had finally achieved global stardom and was regularly topping hit charts across the world with the release of their album Infinity on High - and while music critics unanimously praised the EP as a worthy contender for Album of the Year, it was generally acknowledged truth that the album's popularity was owed in no small part to lead singer Ru-kun's sudden infamy that coincided at the same time.

The unfathomable depths of Ru-kun's new celebrity status in parallel to the band's brand of off-label, anti-establishment themes created friction within the fanbase. Many accused them of taking advantage of the current media coverage to promote sales, which bassist and band leader Makoto clapped back as 'just doing smart business'. In general, consensus was positive towards the sentiment; capitalizing on Ru-kun's fame and releasing an album in parallel to his identity reveal was just genius marketing.

However the timing of the release of Ru-kun's second acoustic album kicked up the discourse once again, with fans decrying the release as 'a fake sellout' aimed to exploit current gossip trends. However the album's drop was sudden and unexpected - with little to no pre-release marketing - lending credence to the narrative that Ru-kun wrote this album under the emotional duress of his personal life at the time.

Due to the staggering popularity of the acoustic album, the band eventually recorded and released a B-Side with full band versions.

Disenchanted - MCR

Stay Together For the Kids - Blink-182

Iris - Goo Goo Dolls

How's It Going To Be - Third Eye Blind

All These Things That I've Done - The Killers

#fic may death never stop you #music recs #mdnsy art

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natalyarose · 25 days

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𝓚𝓾𝓻𝓽 𝓒𝓸𝓫𝓪𝓲𝓷 - 𝐵𝒾𝓇𝓉𝒽 𝒞𝒽𝒶𝓇𝓉 𝒜𝓃𝒶𝓁𝓎𝓈𝒾𝓈

warning: very, very long lol

I wanted to create an in depth chart analysis on someone, and it had to be someone famous whose life I knew well. I honestly don't keep up with celebrities much, but the obvious answer to me was Kurt. When I was an angsty, hurting, misunderstood young teenager, he had my whole heart. I came from a very 'pristine' upperclass neighbourhood, yet my home life was a battle ground. In my childhood, I didn't meet a lot of people like me who were also hurting or have been to dark places (or at least, nobody would talk about it), so someone as raw as Kurt & a sound as unapologetic as Nirvana was like an oasis, I felt love. I sort of grew out of the 'obsession' with him as a person, but I still remember the way Nirvana and Kurt's imprint on this Earth made me feel. I was utterly intoxicated. The music, the poetry, the eyes, the passion, the pain of an outcast, the sarcasm, the anger at injustice... magic.

So without further ado, let's delve into Kurt's chart. I'm going to try to talk about the key things I notice. I'll be applying Ernst Wilhelm's Dhruva Galactic Center Ayanamsa (on Astroseek, Galactic Center mid-mula).

Moon in Punarvasu

Let's start with the Moon, typically considered the most intimately personal planet in Vedic Astrology. It actually takes some adjusting for me to see Kurt as a Punarvasu Moon since in Lahiri he is Ardra and I think he's sort've become a 'poster child' for the moody, edgy, destructive nature of Ardra. Even I used him as a prime example of Ardra in a video a few years ago... but I realise now it makes perfect sense. He is still very Rahuvian, which I'll further explain in a bit.

First of all, we're looking at the Sidereal Gemini section of Punarvasu-a brilliant mind, comedic, a writer, a communicator, and as we know a musician. I see Punarvasu's Jupiterian nature in his kindness, gentleness and intense loyalty to his values when it comes to protecting & advocating for the innocent. Kurt was very protective of women and children and despite his 'rockstar' image, was humble and always seeking to use Nirvana's music to advocate for social change. I know this behaviour can be seen as Rahuvian in nature, but I actually think this perception comes from misunderstandings from the Ayanamsa issue. Rahuvians can absolutely take an interest in social/political protest, but often Rahu natives prefer to 'play the game' and find purity and order in the chaos & illusions rather than actively push for expansion (Jupiter) and change.

As seen through various forms of literature & media documenting his life, Kurt had a tendency to look out for & befriend underdogs- a common trait of Jupiterians.

Another thing to note is that Jupiter rules sound. A strong Jupiterian placement gives an extremely powerful sonic presence. Kurt was an amazingly versatile singer, his ability to alternate between soft, melodic vocals & raspy, fierce, powerhouse metal-esque vocals was- is, phenomenal. The emotion and meaning conveyed in his voice is felt vibrantly even when the lyrics are muffled (famously, Nirvana lyrics are hard to understand lol).

The gentle nature of Kurt's Punarvasu Moon really shines through in these photos I love. Not to mention, Punarvasu being the Cat yoni! Kurt adored his cats. He also adored his daughter, in the sadly, short time he spent with her, in interviews and photos taken around the time we get a glimpse of his love and tenderness.

Physically, yes, Kurt has very Rahuvian gorgeous eyes, the 'scruffy' look that's typical of Rahu men, etc. - but look at his chin! Jupiterian natives are easily identified by their prominent chins (Jupiter connecting to the voice places an emphasis on the chin/throat area). Not to mention his hair- Cat yoni Nakshatras often give very sleek, smooth hair like a kitty cat. I know a few Punarvasu men with that kind of hair.

Punarvasu Nakshatra is often connected to imagery of angels. A lot of famous photos of Kurt depict Angel-esque wings in the background. Nirvana's album 'In Utero', depicts the figure of a woman with angelic wings. I see the Punarvasu angelic effect in the way I often see people remarking that Kurt was 'too pure for this world'.

One more distinctly Punarvasu theme I want to mention - Punarvasu's mythology is all about second chances, 'trying again'. Before Nirvana, Kurt started a band called 'Fecal Matter' (lol, wonderful). The band fell apart, but then came Nirvana. It is said that Punarvasu natives always get a 'second chance' or that things come in twos.

tw//

Another much sadder manifestation of this theme: As talked about in 'Kurt Cobain: Montage of Heck', as a teenager Kurt Cobain attempted suicide. He heard a train was coming then went and lay on the tracks. It turned out that the train went on the other track. I guess you could say he got a 'second chance' in a way.

As we know, his life ended through suicide :(

Kurt's Punarvasu Moon sits in his 10th house, considered the house of career, the public eye and ambition. This makes perfect sense and is a very common placement to see in celebrities. With Moon in the 10th house, the emotions and internal nature are on display to the public in some way, which is true for Kurt. The native is radiant and marvelled at in their vulnerability of spirit- the 10th house and MC can be seen as the sky, and when Moon is in the 10th, everyone is looking up at you, enchanted.

His Moon is quite close to Jupiter. Most people would say it's too far to be a conjunction and technically it is, but I have a very open mind when it comes to aspects- especially aspects to the Moon! The faster changing the planet, the more sensitive it is to surrounding planets. I would argue that the Moon can feel influenced by planets close to a whole sign away (I'll have to make a seperate post on this at some point).

Anyway, Jupiter being close to Kurt Cobain's Moon only enhances his Jupiterian qualities. Jupiter on (or near to) the Moon can amplify the intensity of a person's emotions and internal convictions.

Jupiter also relates to spirituality - Kurt explored different religious structures (Christianity, Buddhism, etc.) at various points of his life, which makes makes sense considering his Jupiter ('Guru', spirituality, faith) is in Pushya, a Saturnian (restriction, structure) Nakshatra. Pushya is also known to be the 'birth of sadness' amongst the Nakshatras.

Ascendant in Uttaraphalguni (conjunct Pluto & Uranus)

Of course, in traditional Vedic Astrology the outer planets aren't used, but I incorporate them; especially when they're this prominent in their positioning- Kurt has both Pluto & Uranus very closely conjunct his ascendant, Uranus & ASC forming a 0° orb. While amazing, it is very typical to see this or similar astrological placements in the charts of people who've had a major impact in this world! While the inner planets are more personal, the outer, slower moving planets speak of the masses. Outer planets are generational, showing their influence in major trends and global events.

Kurt having these outer planets so close to his Ascendant speaks to how powerfully influential he has been on our world. He's inspired not one, but now many generations of youth with his image, his legacy.

It is not uncommon for people with Pluto on the Ascendant to become famous for their death which rings true for Kurt. A lot of people who may know not much else about him or Nirvana, know of his death and the tragedy surrounding it. Pluto gives him a natural intensity.

Uranus on the Ascendant speaks to a person who is eccentric, erratic or somehow unusual. 'Alien-like'. Kurt is often praised for his unique, unconventional mind and approach to his artistry. The first house being intimately related to how a person dresses & represents physically, Kurt dressed in many controversial ways, often to make a statement on political issues (wearing dresses for example).

It is no wonder Kurt's ascendant is in Uttaraphalguni, a Sun ruled Nakshatra. Sun ruled Nakshatras are radiant and tend to make natural leaders. He was of course, the frontman or the 'face' of Nirvana. Uttaraphalguni tends to be very good natured, but no-nonsense. Especially in the Virgo section. Uttaraphalguni natives are often kind in my experience, but have little tolerance for lack of efficiency which is true of Kurt, who held his bandmates to a strong standard. This Solar objectivity of knowing what's up to standard and what misses the mark is likely a big reason for Nirvana's huge success! Kurt was known to be somewhat ruthless or at least, very particular in how he wanted things to go in the band. (also a trait we see in Venusian Nakshatras; Kurt having Rahu in Bharani).

Sun Nakshatras tend to bless their natives with a natural sense of ease and comfort. The unapologetic authenticity Sun Nakshatras radiate means it's not uncommon to see these people as pioneers in whatever their field is. Nirvana was a huge catalyst and made a name for themselves in the genre of 'grunge', but Nirvana continues to inspire all kinds of artists to this day.

Kurt having his ascendant in Uttaraphalguni made him a naturally magnetic person to women and men alike. People are extremely drawn to the warmth, loyalty and genuine nature of Solar natives.

Authenticity was a value held in extremely high esteem for Kurt. It was typical for him to do things like, playing songs Nirvana was told they couldn't play, just for the principle of it. While I mention Kurt's exploration of religion earlier, Kurt rejected the Catholic concept of God very strongly. He despised what he saw to be unfounded control over others' being, creativity & sexuality.

Sun Nakshatras are self made: they lead, others' follow/take inspiration.

A very good friend of mine showed me that people with strong Solar influence in their charts photograph very well in black and white because of their energetic radiance (they shine so brightly, they don't need colour to stand out). It also can be attributed to the fact that Sun Nakshatras tend to give strong and sometimes sharp & chiseled features. Another interesting thing is it's not uncommon to see Sun people with natural golden yellow-y streaks through their hair, which is true of Kurt Cobain.

Sun in Shatabisha

Shatabisha is the all seeing eye. It is the Nakshatra pertaining to secrets & the collective unconscious. Shatabisha natives are very tapped into the minds and emotions of the collective. They can be natural born mystics, very hyper aware of 'behind the scenes' or 'under the surface' societal themes.

A lot of Shatabisha natives are extremely cognizant of social & political issues. While I believe it is moreso Jupiter Nakshatras that take on that strong drive to actively make noise and make a change, Rahu is the observer, Rahu sees what is the issue. Hence Shatabisha translating to '100 healers'. Rahuvians will often dress or behave in unusual or eccentric ways, as if to show the world they cannot and will not be placed into a box of any kind. I mentioned earlier Kurt dressing and portraying himself controversially in ways such as wearing dresses, very aligned with Rahuvian nature.

Rahu/Shatabisha's sensitivity and attraction to altered states of perception (the all seeing eye wants to see the world from many angles) means that there is often a natural inclination to explore substances. A lot of Shatabisha natives I've met in real life engage in some form of escapism be it through gaming, drugs, or even sugary foods & energy drinks that give that hit. This is especially the case for Rahu influenced men rather than women, because the slightly more feminine nature of Rahu can feel less natural to men. They may feel they have a harder time dealing with the challenges/expectations related to being a man in society when they are influenced by such a flowy & feminine force. They feel themselves being the observer rather than the 'do-er' and it can cause self-esteem struggles. However, Kurt's other placements (namely, Jupiter & Solar influence especially) helped to give him a natural ability to be more hands on in life.

Of course famously & tragically, Kurt got lost in his addictions and his mental health deteriorated. I'm sure we can't blame the entire tragedy on Shatabisha energies and there's more in his chart we could look into to understand why/how this came to be, but looking broadly at patterns of Rahuvian men, we can understand the theme.

Shatabisha natives have the ablitiy make amazing art; the sheer vastness of their minds and Rahu's receptivity to external influences means that they have a wealth of ability to take in inspiration from others, then transform it into something unique and out of this world!

Every Shatabisha native I've met knows EVERYTHING there is to know about the artists, books, fashion, YouTubers, etc. they are interested in. They often have physical collections, and are very keenly attuned to pop culture (or just media in general). I've met a lot of Shatabisha natives who have a very specific genre/subculture they take interest in and know everything about, yet they still know everything about 'mainstream' culture too. Idk how they know so much lol, but I believe the all seeing eye effect of Shatabisha makes it easy for them to take in that information very efficiently.

We see this incredible art & knowledge of culture in Kurt, who was openly a fanatic of many other artists and referenced who and what he knows time and time again in his music.

Kurt's Shatabisha Sun is in his 6th house, meaning these energies are especially highlighted when it comes to his everyday life, day to day employment, etc. which we know is true seeing as he was a musician.

One of Kurt's first girlfriends used to be the 'breadwinner', and Kurt would stay home and paint or write music.

Also in his 6th house is Mercury in Purvabhadrapada- Mercury rules over the intellect, communication, thoughts. Kurt was known to be very moody and somewhat unpredictable. Purvabhadrapada's symbol is a man with 2 faces, so an unpredictable and dualistic quality can be see in the way he expresses himself. Mental health struggles can definitely be seen with this placement. Being the height of Jupiter, we also see a more aggressive form of Jupiterian challenging of limitations & societal expectations in Purvabhadrapada, which we do see with Kurt.

Uttarabhadrapada 7th House Stellium

Kurt Cobain has Venus, Saturn & Chiron in the 7th house.

The 7th house is the house of marriage, partnerships, business and other people. I learnt that the 7th house is associated with fame, as when you are famous you know a lot of people/are viewed by the people. Also, achieving fame often has more to do with connections, contracts, and partnerships than it does to do with ambition & talent alone. So it makes sense that a famous person would have a strongly lit up 7th house.

Looking at photos of Kurt, I'm noticing how Saturnian he appears- the symmetrical features, 'stern' look. That also can be attributed to him having a prominent Sun Nakshatra which gives a 'stoic' nature, but Saturn really comes through as well. He is also very Saturnian in his rulebreaking tendencies- Saturn Nakshatra men tend to have a strong internal moral code but love to break rules that they don't deem to be rules that are there for a good reason.

At 19, Kurt spray-painted 'God is Gay' and was arrested for it. He did this to irritate homophobic people, homophobia being something he stood strongly against having had a very close friend in school who was gay.

Uttarabhadrapada in particular is an extremely intense Nakshatra. It's related to sacrifice & suffering in the name of providing for the greater good, being the cow yoni (as cows provide milk). It's symbolised by the death bed. This is eerie knowing of his suicide, but beyond that I think it really fits with Kurt's views on fame. He didn't necessarily enjoy being famous or plan to become as big as Nirvana did, but in a way being that famous is sacrificial. The media milked him and his life in whatever way they could as they do with most uber famous people.

The 'suffering', Saturnian starvation and sacrificial themes in Uttarabhadrapada have a natural connection to the story of Jesus, which of course we see Kurt depicting Jesus on the cross in the Heart Shaped Box music video. A beautifully poetic song.

Venus being the planet of beauty, love, art, and femininity, means it is very important to look at in the chart of an artist, and Kurt's Uttarabhadrapada Venus being conjunct Chiron really speaks to how a lot of Nirvana & Kurt's songs speak of pain and suffering. Chiron is 'the wounded healer'- it is said that where your Chiron is can be where you have the power to help or heal others, but struggle yourself.

Of course, Kurt's 7th house Uttarabhadrapada stellium reflects his infamous relationship with his wife Courtney Love, very well. Kurt's ascendant is in sunny, jovial Uttaraphalguni, and many are of the opinion that Courtney or at least, the relationship really dragged Kurt down and wore down his psyche sadly. I don't like to speak too badly of anyone, but a lot of people see Courtney as a huge influence on Kurt's deteriorated physical and mental health. They would exasperate one another's drug issues, both struggling to stay clean even with a baby in the picture.

Courtney is really painted as a villain by many which is very Uttaraphalguni-Uttarabhadrapada axis... Uttaraphalguni is the shining Sun, Uttarabhadrapada is the dark, cold depths of the ocean... also, ice. This perception is rampant, many viewing Courtney as a manipulative 'psycho', some even theorising that Kurt's tragic death may have been a homicide of her doing.

You could even say that Courtney is the Uttarabhadrapada 'sacrificial lamb'; her own reputation taking a drastic hit so that the image of Kurt as blameless for how things ended can live on. Of course, it could be read the other way around in that Kurt was the 'sacrifice' in this relationship. Either way, these energies are present.

These photos of their wedding (famously, Kurt is in his pyjamas lol) in Hawaii are actually very Uttarabhadrapada in nature- the stormy dark weather and the ocean outside. The Sun is feint in the background- perhaps could be interpreted as symbolic of Kurt's Uttarabhadarapada 7th house (of marriage) drowning the light & joy of his Solar ascendant. Not that they had no joy together, but more that together they were headed down this dark path.

Rahu in Bharani/Ketu in Vishakha & Mars in Swati

Being a Shatabisha (Rahu ruled) Sun, Rahu in Kurt's chart becomes extremely significant being a depositor.

Rahu in Bharani is I imagine, at the root of a lot of Kurt's artistic interests. Kurt had a fascination with life & death, life in the womb, & the female anatomy, all Bharani themes. The most obvious example of this being Nirvana's album literally being called 'In Utero'. Also, there is a Nirvana song literally titled 'moist vagina' lol, a personal favourite actually (I find it so sexy & raunchy in an odd way haha)

Another thing that comes to mind is Heart Shaped Box- after Lana Del Rey (Bharani Venus & Rahu) covered it, Courtney Love revealed that the song was about her vagina lol...

Ketu in Vishakha can speak to obsession and drive, Vishakha being 'the Star of Purpose'. This is an extremely strong willed and potentially very artistic placement for Ketu. Vishakha is ruled by Indra, King of the Gods & Agni, the God of fire. Indra ruled over storms and rain. Ketu in Vishakha gives way to very intense emotions and a very powerful drive to create and fulfil what gives the native that sense of purpose. For Kurt, that was his music. I'll note that this means Kurt has a Grand Trine in the three Jupiter Nakshatras -

Moon in Punarvasu, Ketu in Vishakha, Mercury in Purvabhadrapada

A grand trine in a chart can point to someone possessing a unique gift or ability that comes effortlessly to them. As mentioned earlier, Jupiter rules the voice & sound in general. Jupiter rules expansion, growth. The weakness of Jupiter comes with overindulgence, going too far into the deep end. While Saturn willingly goes into the deep end through sacrifice & limitation, Jupiter can drive itself into dark places with its sheer lack of limitation.

Mars in Swati is at first glance, a very gentle Mars as Swati is ruled by Vayu, God of the Wind. It is not an angry Nakshatra perse, but it can be extremely cutting and 'quick with words' as it is the butcher caste. Of course, Kurt was a poet at heart.

One of Swati's main mythologies (to make it short and sweet) is about a boy who impressed the Gods with his bravery and abilities, and was then blessed with powers. However, the boy was a mischievous child always causing pranks, so for his 'naughtiness' he was then cursed to forget his story & his powers. However, later down the track he was reminded of his powers and his past.

This story highlights Swati's tendency to be extremely self-doubting of their own capabilities. They have 'forgotten' their powers and need to remember. Swati natives really struggle with feeling as though they aren't 'enough' and just like the story, really need people in their life who consistently remind them of their abilities and what they're capable of.

Kurt was known to be very self-deprecating in this way, often doubting his abilities and and despising the way he looked (also something we see with Chiron conjunct Venus).

Swati also gives a playful and childlike nature, often taking an interest in dolls, cartoons and other playful novelty things which is true of Kurt.

IC in Mula, MC in Mrigashira

Lastly, I'm going to briefly talk about Kurt's IC-MC axis.

The IC represents the childhood, home life & inner/private self. Mula is the final Ketuvian Nakshatra, and translates to 'roots'. Mula's primary motivation is truth, getting to the honest root of things regardless of whether it's pretty or not.

Mula for this reason is a Nakshatra associated with destruction, because the truth will often break absolutely destroy the ground of faulty foundations in society.

As the IC, this could represent a situation where in the household, this child acted as the whistle-blower of truth and saw through the family dynamics + were outspoken about what they saw. This rings true of Kurt, he was seen as somewhat of a 'problem child' at home and was outwardly, vocally embarrassed and unhappy with the turbulent family situation.

So at Kurt's core inner self, he valued truth. He would rather an 'ugly' disturbing truth than a beautiful lie.

The MC represents a person's outer persona, the identity and values the person wishes most to present to the world. Mrigashira is the birth of Mars. Mars is the maverick, the rebel, but also the fighter.

I definitely see that society at large had this perception of Kurt that he was this martian, aggressive person in some ways; especially taking the emotion and lyrics put into him & Nirvana's music at face value.

Mrigasira Nakshatra is known for being a 'troll', and Kurt trolled the media a looot. I think of that time in Nirvana when he intentionally butchered Smells Like Teen Spirit. Or him mocking the media's constant gossip about him like in this clip '...dead, pregnant, on heroin... I'm a hermaphrodite as well!' lol.

I'm going to finish this analysis here, this ended up being very long, but I hope it was interesting for someone! It was good practice for me... it also reminded me why I don't do readings anymore lol, I love astrology but... man. This was just the icing on the cake too!

Thankyou for reading ♡

#vedic astrology #nakshatras #astrology #chart analysis #kurt cobain #sidereal astrology #astrology observations

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stormblessed95 · 1 year

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I have a question

Like Crazy is probably the most queercoded in Jimins songs, right after Filter.

But the song also begins with the pronoun "She's saying Baby come and follow me"

Some fans on Twitter are saying this is a reference to a gf or something.

Whats your take on this?

Hi! Thanks for your ask. Sorry for the delay in replying! And to start, I think it's fairly clear that I don't think Jimin is straight, in my opinion, based off my views. But in that same vein, I think he also likes women. I mean, he has shared previous school crushes on a girl with us. So a "she" in the lyrics of a love song, wouldn't ever really throw me off personally. But that's just me. On top of that, Jimin did share his notes of his lyric writing process for his songs on FACE. And we can see for Like Crazy, his original planned lyrics said "baby" in place of "she." So that probably got changed for a better flow, either he did that himself, or it was suggested to him by RM, Pdogg or one of the other people who helped and gave input to the song. Either way, I don't think it's indicative of a girlfriend or an ex girlfriend in anything factual. But everyone can think what they will and have their own opinions of it for sure.

Now, for me, honestly there is a lot of queer coding through this whole MV and through subsequent performances/choreo/promotions for this song as well. Lyric breakdown can be found here before we go further:

Music Video:

youtube

And my first post about Like Crazy, where I talk about the song as a whole, what I think it's about AND touch on the queerness of Jimins gender expression throughout the MV:

To expand upon that, the choreo is a huge part of that and this person did a pretty good job breaking that down and sharing their theory over the dance too.

On top of in the extra content for FACE, similar references get lowkey pointed out in the FACE Playlist video, both in the LC MV and the Playlist video. Which you can watch here

youtube

During the Set Me Free portion, things line up very similarly to Freddie's "I want to break free" video, where he cross dresses. And for those who don't know, he fairly openly queer as an artist. He was involved with both men and women regardless of never openly stating or confirming his sexuality (that I know of). In the video, we also see Jimin looking through vinyls, including Queen and Nirvana. AND in the LC MV set, we see on the wall writing that says "Set Me Free" "Moon" "Wake" among others AND a Queen sticker too.

I want to break free video:

youtube

He talks and makes references to accepting both sides of himself a lot. It's in his stylistic choices, his art, how he expresses himself. And it's been a repeated theme for AWHILE now and if you aren't seeing it... it's because you don't want to

To get deeper into it, some of the historic queer imagery and iconography Jimin used in this MV specifically and just in FACE promotions in general... would include Philip Johnson, the architect of the Glass House, openly gay and where the term "the glass closet" was coined from. A photo of his is once again in the FACE Playlist video.

Robert Mapplethorpe, his portrait on the jeans Jimin wore through the MV and several images in his photobook I believe too. A photographer specializing in male and female nude works, among other things. Including his most controversial work being his documentation of the gay male BDSM subculture scene.

In the photobook, he is pictured several times in an outfit where he is wearing Jean Paul Gaultier y/series Bodymorph jeans. Specifically he is wearing the "woman" set. The designer Specifically described this series as exploring and playing with the concepts of gender, he liked the idea of there being a mens set, and a womens set and them being able to overlap each other. The bodymorph clothing sets have naked human body prints on them. So!Yoon who recently worked with and is friends with RM (if not friendly with the other members too) also recently wore these in her album release as well. You can interpret him wearing these as you choose of course. I personally think it's speaks fairly clearly to the same things I was talking about above, with him referencing all things gender and how he is leaning into the more typical feminine iconography here with these pants for his softer side of the photoshoot for his album.

I think looking at the designs for both sets also makes it more clear which ahem, set, Jimin is wearing too. Lol and how some of the models are mixing the sets (including So!Yoon wearing the women's set as well in a diff color)

And lastly, while it might not have to do with the album directly, it does involve Jimin and is worth mentioning here as it was lowkey part of album promotions. During the first ever performance aired of Like Crazy on the Jimin Fallon show, Jimin worked with 8 backup dancers and one of them was nonbinary and shared their experience and how comfortable, welcoming, non judged and appreciated Jimin and staff made them feel the whole time. How they got to just be who they were the whole time. It speaks the type of environment Jimin cultivates around himself all the time.

Performance video:

youtube

And during the teaser that was shared of Jimin working on his album with Pdogg and others. They talked about how for 10 months, Jimin basically lived in Pdoggs house. They all just lived together and ate, slept, breathed this album. Lol and in the hallway of Pdogg's house, we see that he has a Stonewall rainbow art piece. Which if that is what that is, is very special to have the education over Stonewall and the support of for that in your home in Korea. I won't speak to it either way, if that is what it is, great. If it's not. I'm just going to enjoy a rainbow in the same shot as Jimin regardless. Lol

Teaser video:

youtube

At this point, there is deep references to historic queer iconography in so much of Jimins art, it's fair to say we aren't guessing anymore. He is as out as he can be without explicitly saying anything. For me personally at least. And no one is owed an explicit coming out from anyone for any reason. If you listen to what he says, what he sings about, what he photographs, what he dances, what he shares with us? It's all right there too see. So plainly. Queer people have always had to talk and listen between the lines. It's there if you want to see it. And it's fair for queer armys and queer people to react and talk about the continuous use of queer icons and imagery Jimin has used over the years. It's not assuming anything. It's just listening to what he is telling us and sharing.

Thank you for the ask. And thanks to anyone who read the whole thing. 💜

#Jimin FACE #JM Like Crazy #JM rainbow moments

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fritz-federleicht · 11 months

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Kurt Cobain with a soulmate au with the writing on the arm thing? like he would write random lyrics on his arm not thinking about it and the reader would be confused because none of it makes sense but then it clicks like oh this guy is a musician and why does it sound like nirvana music? or maybe the reader is an artist and would draw flowers or something on their arm and Kurt would think it’s super cute? I know I'm rambling but I had this idea and I wasn’t sure how to write it XD

Dumb/ Kurt Cobain x reader

Notes: Thank you for the idea

Words: 956

You're in a small record store that is also a cafe. You stand in front of a huge shelf and browse through it, looking for new records. Soft music plays in the background to which you hum.

The bell above the door rings as it opens. You look up briefly. A lanky man with blond hair enters the store and sits down at one of the three tables in the corner. He orders a coffee from Max, the store owner and barista.

You concentrate again on the shelf in front of you.

A short time later, you stand at the counter. "Hey Max, can I have a latte? You know where to find me?"

"Hi Y/N, of course." Already he turns around and does his job.

You walk over to the tables. No one is sitting there except the blond man. He stares at his exposed arm. When he notices that someone is approaching him, he lifts his gaze.

His face is somehow familiar. You have probably seen him here before.

You sit down at the table next to him, put the records you found in front of you and look at the covers.

"Here Y/N, your latte."

"Thanks Max." You grin at him. He goes back behind the counter.

You immediately take a sip. You can't help but look to the blond.

He is writing intently on his arm. Since you sit relatively close to him you can read what he writes.

'Skin the sun, fall asleep

Wish away, the soul is cheap'

You frown. What does that mean? You look into his eyes, into those ocean blue eyes. Then you remember who he is. Kurt Cobain, the lead singer of Nirvana!

You don't want to disturb him, he deserves some peace. But you're also interested in what the lyrics mean.

"Hey sorry to bother you. I saw you writing something on your arm. What does it mean?"

"Oh, that." He points to his arm. "I don't know. It just popped into my head." He looked at you, thinking. "Do we know each other?"

You laugh. "I thought so too but no. I'm just in the store more often. We've probably seen each other here but never talked."

"Now that you mention it. You're always standing in front of all those records aren't you?"

"Yes, always looking for bargains. Mind if I join you? Only if you want to, of course." You ask shyly.

"Yeah sure. Have a seat." You settle down across from him.

"So what are you going to do with the text?" You point to his arm.

"You know I'm a singer. Do you know Nirvana?" He looks at you questioningly.

You grin. "Do I know Nirvana? Absolutely! I love them." You say. Who doesn't know Nirvana? Then you go on. "I know who you are, too. I just didn't want to be rude earlier and bother you with any questions about the band. You probably hear them way too much."

He takes a sip of his coffee and leans back in his chair, smiling. "Well, tell me your name first."

"Y/N."

Kurt straightens back up and extends his lanky hand to you. "Nice to meet you Y/N."

You take his hand. "Nice to meet you too Kurt."

"So, Y/N, I'm writing a new song." He stares thoughtfully at his arm. "But maybe I'll scrap this lyrics."

"Why? They're good. I don't understand anything, but they're really good."

He laughs. "Let's see." His blue eyes look back into yours. "You know I love writing my songs here."

"Isn't it a little risky? I mean it's a record store. Shouldn't there be Nirvana fans hanging out here all the time?"

"On the contrary. The store is so unknown that almost no one ever enters. That's why it's so quiet here." He brushes a strand of hair out of his face.

You look at him challengingly. "What if I tell everyone you've been hanging around?"

He laughs, "I don't think you would."

"Why?"

"Fans would come here looking for me. They'll see I'm not here and buy all your records instead."

You clutch your chest in mock concern. "You're right. I'd better not do that then."

"That's what I thought. Besides, I wouldn't set foot in this store, and we'd never see each other again." He waits for your reaction.

You look at him with your mouth open. "What?"

He repeats himself. "We would never see each other again."

You hold your cup. "I get that... But you want to see me again?"

He smiles. "I don't know. I like you."

You stare at him.

"Okay Y/N. I've got to go now. Give me your hand."

You obey and hold your hand in front of him.

He starts writing numbers on it. "Call me. Then we can have a date."

Kurt finishes his coffee and puts the empty cup on the table.

"I'll hear from you?"

You nod. "I'll call you."

You say goodbye to each other. Kurt joins Max at the counter and pays. He then leaves the record store. The bell rings.

You take a big sip from your cup. Kurt Cobain just gave you his number. The famous Kurt Cobain!

You call him the same day. You hit it off right away. Quickly you get together and are the new dream couple among celebrities. Nirvana fans love you, they see how happy you make Kurt.

He left the lyrics he had written on his arm in the song Dumb and didn't take it out. The song means a lot to you, because it reminds you of your first meeting in the record store.

#kurt cobain one shot #kurt cobain x y/n #kurt cobain #kurt cobain x reader #kurt cobain imagine #nirvana x y/n #nirvana x reader #nirvana one shot #nirvana imagine #nirvana

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lyrasky · 2 years

Text

Shocking Blue【Love Buzz】和訳 Nirvana比較ウブな恋 Naive Love

Lyraのブログ更新→👠https://lyriclyra.com/entry/shockingblue/lovebuzz/

魅惑的な低音ヴォイスで素敵な声。

The Shobking Blueのお姉様方を知ったのは、いわずとしれた【Venus】のミュージックビデオを見た時。その前からラジオや街中で聴いていたのだけど、はっきりビジュアルまでトータルで知ったのはMVだった。

　"Ah〜〜Ah〜〜"がもう呪文の様に体内に入って来る。Bananarama ヴァージョンが可愛かったから別物として考えないと申し訳ない気持ちにまでなったのを覚えている。

アイドルとはまるっきり違うから、本家の方のこちらの方がやばくて好き。Bananaramaも好きですよ、可愛いから。

ただThe Shocking Blue の方が自分には本気度が強くてフィットするの。　

Lyraと同じ様にやばくて魅惑的なThe Shocking Blueの魅力にやられた人はたくさんいると思う。あのラブリーKurt Cobainもそう。先日、和訳解説したNIRVANA の【Love Buzz】が、このカヴァーになる。よりシンプルな歌詞でストレートなロックになっているが、解説でも書いたがダブルミーニングだと、あんな感じになり、別の意味でヤバくなっている。

でも面白いことに、こちらのオリジナルのような呪術的なヤバさはなくてヘルシーなくらいPopだ。

どちらを聞いても全く古くない、時代を問わず魅力を放つ名曲だ。

このヤバさを一緒に味わいましょ？

続きはLyraのブログへ→👠 https://lyriclyra.com/entry/shockingblue/lovebuzz/

#shockingblue #lovebuzz #love #purelove #psychedelicrock #nirvana #athome #RobbieVanLeeuwen #MariskaVeres #FreddeWilde #KlaasjevanderWal #CorvanderBeek #ニルヴァーナ #ショッキングブルー

#shobking blue #love buzz #nirvana #at home #ショッキングブルー #ニルヴァーナ #和訳 #日本語訳 #lyrics meanings #lyrics

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raggedyfink · 1 year

Text

Essay on the relationship between goth and grunge

Goth is a music based subculture created in the 80s. Pioneered by bands such as Bauhaus, Siouxsie and the Banshees and The Cure, it is a subculture with a convoluted history and tumultuous developments. Its aesthetic, sonic and lifestyle components being influenced primarily by horror films, avant garde art, music, cinema and literature, campy b movies, glam rock, punk, old Hollywood and classic literature, it has been among the most surviving counterculture amongst others of the same era, especially among teens and adults. It has survived, and continues to struggle against, numerous misconceptions and stereotypes by the media, perverted men and posers deliberately warping the scene to their advantage due to the efforts of those among the scene. It has clearly defined values and characteristics of those who choose to participate in the scene, that revolve around clubbing, social participation, seeing and being seen, political and cultural conscientiousness, creativity, insular tastes in media and hobbies and overall can be seen as a means of self help and building of one’s identity.

Grunge, on the other hand, at first seems the radical opposite.

Grunge, also a music based subculture, was created in Seattle in the 90s, although there is evidence to support that grunge type sounds have been around prior to the 90s in the form of bands such as Flipper and Green River. Nevertheless, grunge was popularized by bands such as Nirvana, Pearl Jam, Soundgarden and Alice In Chains, becoming huge throughout the beginning to the middle of the decade. Amongst the members of Gen X who participated in the scene, the unfashion and sonic elements of grunge was influenced by feelings of directionless and lack of hope for the future, as the workforce at the time was still dominated by boomers who refused to leave space for Gen X. These historical components can be seen the deliberately slovenly fashion of grunge adherents in the form of flannel shirts, t shirts and ripped jeans, many Nirvana lyrics being purposely directionless to represent such feelings by Kurt Cobain, and an overall reclaiming of the stigma of poverty to combat the material excessiveness of the 80s. Grunge, as a sound, varies from the punk sounds of Mudhoney, alternative rock such as Nirvana, sludgy metal in the form of The Melvins, Soundgarden and Alice In Chains to an evenly sounded Mother Love Bone, but can be best described as a mix between Punk and Metal.

According to many goths and punks around at grunge’s rise to popularity, grunge was an especially disliked scene, due to the punks feelings of many grunge kids being the same individuals who bullied and ostracized the alternative crowd of the 80s, and would have done the same to Kurt Cobain had he never became famous, along with many goths and punks disliking the toxic masculinity displayed by grunge adherents in fashion and behavior, especially in regards to many hair metal bands going in a grunge direction.

Grunge has been documented and dissected, much to the dismay of those involved, since the beginning. The most famous example of this phenomenon is Marc Jacobs Perry Ellis fashion “grunge” runway of 1992-1993, reportedly so disliked it was burned by Kurt Cobain and Courtney Love, along with causing Jacobs to be fired by Perry Ellis, due to an increasing concern of the commercialization of grunge that it never really recovered from to this day, another stark contrast it has from goth. If you look up grunge now on the internet, you will find a warped idea of grunge in the form of expensive fast fashion brands and clothing, Instagram accounts featuring hyper sexualized depictions of vaguely alternative women and the remaining devotees of true grunge culture in the form of old men and young people alike on the internet posting of bands like Nirvana.

At first glance, especially looking at the masculine sides of grunge, that goth and grunge are inherently incompatible, and due to grunge’s popularity eating at the goth scenes previous dominance in youth culture of yesteryear. But, I would like to offer a different argument from an angle no one has quite considered. The feminine elements of grunge.

Kinderwhore, is a variant of grunge fashion worn by women in grunge bands and within grunge scenes that was created by Kat Bjelland of Babes in Toyland and popularized by Courtney Love.

Where exactly Kinderwhore gets its name is from journalist Everett True, during an interview with Kurt Cobain and Courtney love. The fashion revolves around purposely inflating traditional, girlish fashions to cartoonish levels, and then subverting them via aggressive, masculine behavior to avoid potential insecurities. Meaning, many women in grunge bands who dressed kinderwhore would always be as aggressive on stage as the men, oftentimes singing feminist lyrics.

The fashion itself revolves around babydoll dresses, slip dresses and Mary janes or combat boots, along with ripped tights, chokers, leather jackets, cardigans and dresses with lace details or Peter Pan collars.

Kinderwhore is related to riot grrl, which is a subset of punk that was underground in the 90s in contrast to grunge, but some within the grunge scene, especially Courtney Love, rejected and denied her work being riot grrl in the first place. If one sees riot grrls middle class origins, white feminism, exclusionary behavior towards trans women, and superficial lyrical and social attitudes, it’s easy to see why many within punk and grunge scenes would want to distance themselves from it. That being said, riot grrls only contribution worth noting to punk was it’s push towards inclusiveness to women due to punk growing increasingly misogynistic and unsafe for women in the 80s, and its efforts have done the most to make punk a better space for women.

What attracts many goths to goth fashion is a deliberate subversion of gender and gender roles in the form of its visuals. Many goths, men and women, would both wear makeup and dress masculine or feminine as they desired, especially due to goth’s acceptance of those deemed “different” by broader society. With keeping in mind to Kinderwhore, a fashion style that also revolves around subverting gender expectations, it is to be expected that among women of goth and grunge, a meeting was destined to take place. Among the women of 90s goth, it was common for them to combine goth fashion with kinderwhore looks.

In the 90s new wave bands such as Strawberry Switchblade, and deathrock bands such as Cinema Strange have experimented with Kindergoth (kinderwhore + goth) looks, that ultimately led designers such as Anna Sui sending her team to scout goth clubs to take inspiration for designs for future garments that would oftentimes be out of reach for many goths due to lack of affordability for the working class individuals in the scene.

With all these examples in terms of visuals, goth and grunge inspired looks is a feasible venture provided it is put under feminine lenses. Many attempts have been made by those who understand neither scene to create a “grunge goth” hybrid, as seen in many online accounts and opportunistic business ventures by outsiders, but a true grunge goth fusion would combine goth fashion with the ever subversive kinderwhore fashion, its legacy seen in many online aesthetics including the Morute aesthetic, a sister aesthetic subculture used primarily as a means of coping with childhood trauma via the means of girlish femininity combined with grunge and American gothic encapsulated by the works of Nicole Dollanganger and an assortment of women photographers on tumblr and beyond.

Sonically, there can be a case for similarities between goth and grunge. Both use a distorted bass, use vocals that howl and scream and punk like guitars. With these similarities in mind, I believe it is feasible for a grunge/deathrock hybrid band to exist, but as of this writing I cannot find a band that has done this. Perhaps some day.

Sources:

Some wear leather some wear lace by Andi Harriman

https://youtu.be/peEUXhCY8lY by Angela Benedict and the comments cited

My dad, a true grunger :)

Various accounts from old punks on Reddit on r/punk

Marc Jacobs’s Perry Ellis Grunge Show: The Collection That Sent a Electric Shock Through '90s Fashion | Vogue

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desmorotu · 3 months

Text

asher’s playlist 💋 (a glimpse)

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

☆ standing next to you - jungkook (he loves the bass and the groovy ass beat; loves to dance in front of Baaabe while they do chores around the house while making stupid faces at them. definitely screams the lyrics at the top if his lungs)

☆ i was made for lovin’ you - kiss (loves the bass and guitar. bobs his head along while he listens. wants to learn the song on guitar—always references the lyrics to Baaabe, much to their chagrin.)

☆ chop suey! - system of a down (he likes the chaotic vibe of the instrumental and vocals. he thinks the lyrics are silly. his fave parts are the harmonies!)

☆ lonely day - system of a down (he’s a sucker for a good melody, harmony, and instrumental. likes to listen to it when he’s trying to relax. he references the lyrics dramatically to his partner, but he truly enjoys the deeper meaning of them.)

☆ something in the way - nirvana (he has this on his playlist ironically ever since the newest batman came out. he randomly walks into their bedroom and plays it on his phone, standing in a brooding manner until Baaabe scolds him LMFAO.)

☆ o green world - gorillaz (“it scratches my brain in the right places” …he cannot sit still when this song is on, but then again, he isn’t able to with any music)

☆ dare - gorillaz (refer to the description above. he bounces on his legs and shakes his hips to the beat, regardless of whether Baaabe is watching or not. he is a SUCKER for a cool vibe)

☆ animals - nickelback (he particularly enjoys the suggestive lyrics and often bursts into song regularly with this one. makes him jump up and down uncontrollably in true stimming fashion.)

☆ crying lightning - arctic monkeys (bass line. groovy beat. cool lyric cadence. loves playing it while driving. definitely shakes his head aggressively to the guitar.)

☆ smooth operator - sade (HE LOVES THE BASS AND SAXOPHONE. it’s his favorite song to dance with Baaabe to. he hums the melody in their ear and enjoys holding them from behind while they sway :3. loves when he hears them singing along.)

☆ the summoning - sleep token (he doesn’t like the beginning as much as he likes the end, but he LOVES the chorus. he hates how long the transition is between the two styles of song LOL)

refer to asher’s playlist cover at the bottom :)

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

if you’d like more, do tell :3 these are songs from my own playlist, and these are just my opinion. they’re the vibes that i get while casually listening! i’d love to do more characters too <3

k bye 💟

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wasawattpadkid · 1 year

Note

this might not make sense but I absolutely love your billy and Stu playlist. Could you maybe write a couple headcannons on which songs they like and why? You could include the reader or not it's up to you thanks Maddy!❤️‍🔥

I think I get what you're asking. I hope you like it!💕

Billy's playlist

Stu's playlist

Billy

1.) 1979 by The Smashing Pumpkins

This is Billy's favorite song I don't make the rules. Smashing Pumpkins is one of his favorite bands. The song reminds him of a time he was happy. He listens to music like it'd play in a movie about his life. This would play while a montage of him and Stu flickered on the silver screen.

2.) The Killing Moon by Echo & the Bunny Men

This song always finds its way onto his mixtapes. It makes him think of how love can happen to anyone even if they pray it doesn't. He equates love with death just because you have no control over when and where it happens.

3.) A Day In The Life by The Beatles

A Beatles song amidst alternative rock is definitely a little jarring. Billy actually enjoys the Beatles. It was his mother's favorite band. He grew up listening to the Sgt Peppers album on repeat. She'd sing song after song to him trying to get him to sleep. This song reminds him of simpler times.

4.) How Soon Is Now? by The Smiths

Billy's a Smiths fan. He puts music on just to brood over his life. The man thinks he has better music taste than everyone else he knows. Stu likes to make fun of Billy's music taste. "Damn does that shit come with razor blades?"

5.) Mama I'm Coming Home by Ozzy Osbourne

Mommy issues. Likes to play music he knows that'll make him cry. He thinks if he makes himself cry in private he'll be less likely to accidentally cry around anyone.

6.) It's The End Of The World As We Know It by R.E.M

Stu knows all the words to We Didn't Start The Fire by Billy Joel. Billy thinks he's a dork because of this. Yet in the privacy of his car, he will sing every single word of this song.

7.) Every Breath You Take by The Police

Told a girl he related to this song on a first date. He's still not sure why she stopped talking to him. Billy still thinks it's a romantic song.

8.) Goodbye Horses by Q Lazzarus

Only knows the song because of Silence of the Lambs. Will start dancing to this song if he's been drinking.

9.) Flesh For Fantasy by Billy Idol

Remember how I said he thinks about where a song would fit in a movie about his life? This would play while he's kissing down your chest. His movie wouldn't have a full sex scene he's not a sellout. More like a montage of kissing and soft moans. It would be frustrating to watch for people like me and you.

10.) A Girl Like You by Edwyn Collins

Without wasting words he'd play you this song hoping you'd understand how he felt about you. Billy was odd like that. He obsessed over lyrics and a song's meaning. When he realized he had a crush on you he immediately started making a list of songs that reminded him of you. They could put his emotions into words when he couldn't.

Stu

1.) In The Meantime by Spacehog

Stu loves music. He doesn't care about lyrics although they can make a song better. If he likes instruments he'll buy the album. Will buy a whole album for one song. This is one example. Stu doesn't like what he calls "sad bastard music." You will rarely catch him listening to music he knows will bum him out.

2.) Blood Makes Noise by Suzanne Vega

This song itches his brain every time he listens to it. Stu is odd. He likes rock but if there's too much going on it freaks him out. Not one for screamo makes him feel like he's being yelled at. This song is on his sex playlist do what you will with that information.

3.) Smells Like Teen Spirit by Nirvana

Nirvana fan first human second. He has a crush on Kurt Cobain. Hates Cortney Love like she's Yoko Ono. Stu likes to learn about bands and artists' personal lives. He's nosey. "Can you believe that shit? I'd treat them so much better." Stu would rant to his friend about a random celebrity making Billy want to drink Draino.

4.) Paradise By the Dashboard Light by Meatloaf

He thinks the song is hilarious. Will perform the 8-minute-long song at karaoke. There will be an empty room once he's done. He doesn't regret his actions.

5.) A.D.I.D.A.S by Korn

It was your fault. You picked out the movie Say Anything and made him watch it. You woke up at 3 in the morning to Stu loudly blasting this song outside of your house. Not only was it funny it was romantic to him. Cops were called.

6.) I Was Made For Lovin' You by KISS

This is one of Stu's favorite songs. When he was little he was obsessed with KISS. He'd put on a full face of face paint and he'd stain his tongue and hands with red food coloring. The boy would run around the house singing and dancing. To his parents, however, Stu's unserious habit of playing with makeup wasn't something they were proud of. His music taste is all over the place because he constantly went through different phases trying to figure out what he could do to please his parents. Nothing ever did.

7.) Peaches by The Presidents of the United States

If you write a song that sounds good and had some goofy ass lyrics Stu's sold. Stu will sing this every time the school lunch consists of peaches. Billy has thrown several trying to get his friend to shut up.

8.) Iron Man by Black Sabbath

Stu loves to stir up shit and have arguments. He was actually on the debate team for his freshman and sophomore years of high school. Billy thinks Ozzy Osbourne is better alone than with Black Sabbath. Every time this is brought up Stu acts like a little piece of him dies. Plus when this song comes on the radio Stu likes to cover his mouth imitating the voice at the beginning. It's where they got the whole ghostface voice idea from.

9.) Fight For Your Right by Bestie Boys

Stu is a huge fan of The Beastie Boys. Their first record is a go-to when there's a party at his is. Of course, this is his favorite song of theirs. The amount of times that man has bounced around an empty house blasting that band is almost worrying.

10.) Psycho Killer by The Talking Heads.

Best for last. If Stu had a theme song this would be it. In his movie, it'd play as he's running around as Ghostface. He has a lot of energy so he loves to chase people. Randy called him an "evil golden retriever" once and Stu likes the comparison.

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vipernoir · 5 months

Text

Here's some random headcannons I've thought about Luka for a while

♡ He's not that well liked in his own class and only gets along with a select few at school, and the people he gets along with are the sorts friends you have at school but you don't hang out outside of school if that makes sense?

♡ He's a bisexual king cough cough lukadrien

♡ Also I remember reading a fanfic in a different fandom where they found out their crush was their dad fuck I truly hope Luka didn't have a thing for Jagged yikes

♡ He and Juleka just hang out, paint each others toe nails, dye each others hair, Juleka just uses Luka as a lab rat doing his hair, makeup, maybe even drawing sharpie tattoos on him, but Luka just likes seeing her doing something creative and encouraging her so is more than happy to be said lab rat

♡ Luka respects everybody's music taste, and truly tries to understand every kind of music someone creates/likes even if he isn't partial to it

♡ Anarka raised her twins on the classics; Nirvana, the sex pistols, the cure, the who, Metallica, motley crüe

♡ Both Ju and Luka went through that BVB emo phase, I'm talking full on Andy Sixx makeup, unironically rarw xDing, wearing the billion band wristbands Luka totally still wears some of his

♡ Anarka raised both the twins to live your own life, love who you love, play what's in your heart

♡ Luka has a lot of strong opinions on certain things, and whilst he will always respect and validate someone's different opinion as much as be can he always sticks to his own morals

♡ Luka occasionally does graffiti to promote these morals

♡ He's ran from the cops before for getting caught spray painting ACAB under a bridge

♡ His forgiving nature means he automatically trusts everyone and wants to give them a fair chance, so all of the built up frustration and sadness from being neglected by his own father all of those years is buried under a layer of fake happiness, he hides how he truly feels to give his dad a chance but a strong part of him wants to not forgive him as easy but it just isn't Luka's nature

♡ He's fascinated with bugs, he used to collect them as a child and study them, draw them, watch them, eat them

♡ He has a small following on YouTube for posting covers of popular songs, he isn't that big as he isn't regular with uploading as he just does it when he feels like it

♡ Luka's music taste varies it can go from political pop punk like Mindless Self Indulgence, to more hard-core sounding music like Rob Zombie or Slipknot, only to switch to sadboy sound cloud like lil peep, to then soft pop punk like Paramore, then one minute he's sat listening to old Disney playlists, his music taste is so versatile

♡ Luka definitely obsessed with the camp rock movies as a kid, like him and Ju would sing and dance out all the songs together, always on repeat

♡ I like to think Luka is vegetarian just because either he felt kinda bad eating meat, or Mylenne converted him somewhere down the line

♡ Luka always keeps a spare pair of headphones, a spare guitar pic, and a notebook and pen for lyrics, with him at all times

♡ After his break-up with Mari he started writing sad, heartbreak songs, he wasn't trying to be that cringey but it's all that would come out.

♡ He refuses to play them though, because they're that sad that probably even Chloe would shed a tear hearing them, and he would never want Mari to feel guilty for hurting him in such a bad way

It's 3 am now so ima stop but I have so many Luka crack hc's it's crazy so ill post some more later

#luka couffaine #lukanette #luka miraculous #miraculoustalesofladybugandcatnoir #miraculous ladybug #mlb #tales of ladybug and cat noir #luka headcannons #mlb headcanon #miraculous #miraculous headcanon

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softtcurse · 2 years

Text

Nosebleed

part two of ‘We’re just creatures of habit’

I changed a lot of things from the original teaser I dropped, so please keep that mind mind xx I wrote this listening to Satellite by Harry Styles on repeat, so the lyrics are included as well <3 enjoy

///

You got a new life

Am I bothering you?

Do you wanna talk?

We share the last line

Then we drink the wall

'Til we wanna talk

Jack Harlow had managed to become some paranoia to YN. Everytime she went out with baby Mila she always looked over her shoulder. Baby bag slung over her shoulder and a shudder always escaping her back once she heard his songs playing at the grocery store she was in. Or even when her family unintentionally brought him up around her. You were so tired of the looks of pity you got from your friends and family. You were so exhausted of looking at your three month old baby girl and tears stinging your eyes as you traced her freckles and her curly brown hair. Just like her dad’s. Once Mila came into your life it was like something was lifted off of your shoulders for at least a few hours. Your baby fresh out of the womb. Swaddled on your chest and tears streaming down your face, no matter how you looked at the moment you didn’t care. Your angel was here.

“She’s so beautiful Miss Y/L/N” the nurse smiled at you. A small nod as she typed away in her computer putting the birth certificate information in. The doctor that helped you deliver Mila getting her vitals, and you exhausted but felt so full of life in that moment. “Very strong baby too, she’s a fighter for sure.” Another sympathetic look thrown your way. Mila had been born seemingly unresponsive. The nurses couldn’t get a sound out of her for a couple of minutes. A lot of patting on her back and some coos and your baby girl was screeching at the top of her lungs. Holding her was nirvana. Her little heart beat beating against yours and her blue eyes opening up for the very first time.

“Is dad coming in to sign the certificate?” A nurse asked you cautiously. She didn’t want to be insulting and of course you understood, it was paperwork and mandatory. You shook your head and sniffled. Mila opening and closing her mouth already wanting to be fed.

“No, it’s just me on there for now, thank you” You said to her nodding.

“And what are we naming this gorgeous little girl?”

“Mila Isla Harlow”

I go 'round and 'round

Satellite

“YN? YN?”

You look up at Urban. His eyes filled with concern and worry. You didn’t mean to space out. But sometimes you really couldn’t help it. His arms held Mila. Who was peacefully asleep suckling on a pacifier. Short breaths escaped her nose. And a tiny hand pressed against Urban’s clothed chest.

“I’m sorry, what did you say?” You picked up your coffee mug from the local cafe you and Urban had met up. He had wanted to see Mila again, he had only seen her once before and that’s only when he discovered that you had a baby and demanded to know if it was Jack’s. You shamefully had admitted the truth to him. He wasn’t angry at all and promised that he wouldn’t tell Jack anything as long as you told him the truth. The truth came hard in this situation. It was all types of fucked up and you did truly feel bad. You just felt like you had no other choice with how his career was sky rocketing.

“I asked you, if Jack had called you any time this week? He doesn’t really like talking about it anymore and I’m starting to feel like a really shitty friend hiding this” He lifted up Mila gently to point emphasis. “From him”

“Urban can we please not have this conversation right now?” You sigh. Tapping your foot restlessly against the oak polished table that held your now cold coffee and stale muffins that had only a few pieces Sri led from when you were picking at it.

“You can’t keep running like this, you know? It’s only going to get worse the more you keep trying to run away from him. He’s going to find out eventually”

“I know that, thanks” you shot him a sarcastic smile. You knew you were in the wrong, and it ate you up alive everyday and the longer you kept your daughter’s father away from him. The guiltier you felt by the day. Urban was the only one from Jack’s team or entourage knew about Mila.

“I’m not saying this to make you feel bad, but do you know how hurt he’s going to be finding out that he’s missed out on

Spinning out, waiting for ya to pull me in

I can see you're lonely down there

Don't you know that I am right here?

Spinning out, waiting for ya to pull me in

I can see you're lonely down there

Don't you know that I am right here?

“I’m going to have to call you back Neelam…”

“Umm okay, everything okay?”

“No”

///

Pacing back and forth in the studio. Hands running through his beard and his face was flushed red. Anger, disappointment, and confusion ran all over his veins. He was beyond pissed, Jack Harlow was at his wits end.

Seeing his bestfriend carrying a new born baby, with his ex girlfriend sitting across from them with a soft look on her face as Urban held the baby, what kind of sick joke was the world playing on him? He knew Urban was minutes if not seconds away from walking through the studio doors. With a fucking stupid smile on his face, with an equally stupid tea he had offered to bring him from the coffee place he saw him and YN being a happy family. He stopped himself from crying on the walk back to his car. That didn’t mean that his eyes didn’t sting, fists clenched the entire care ride to the studio. As well as a few punches to the poor steering wheel, just because he has no other outlet to let his feelings loose. Calling YN would only lead him to say something he was going to regret.

Jack decided it was best to sit on the leather couch that sat on the corner of the soundboard. His head in his hands. He knows treating you the way he did was fucked up. His own fucking family didn’t let him live it down. Let alone Urban who gave him crap about it once he found out. He had no idea of Jack’s sneaky links and the ways he would lie to you about being in the studio or even with him. All meanwhile he was with some girl, doing the thing he only vowed to do with you. It never meant anything to Jack, and he pleaded his case with you when you angrily started throwing his shit at him and told me to leave so you could pack your own things and escape his life. He didn’t want you to leave, and maybe it was selfish. Selfish for not wanting to let you go, because if he did he would lose something worth loving.

The door knock jiggled and twisted

“Yo! You in here?” Urban yelled, Jack was sat away in a corner so he could see him.

Jack clenched his jaw. Standing up from where he was sitting he stalked over to Urban. Who was innocently holding a paper cup of tea. His blue bucket had covered his hair.

Up until Jack raised his fist and hit him clean in the jaw.

Black tea spilled everywhere. Managing to even staining some of the white walls.

“What the fuck!” Urban yelled holding his jaw in pain.

Jack got on top of him and started throwing punching to wherever they would land. Urban could fight back if he really wanted to, but he was so caught off guard and confused that he didn’t even have time to think.

“I fucking trusted you!” Jack screamed. “Is that why you were asking me if I fucking talked to her!? Huh!?” Urban pushes his hands against Jack’s shoulders. His eye was starting to swell slightly and his nose started bleeding. Jack fell back with force. His eyes started watering again. He finally let them fall. Everything he had been holding in since he saw YN, Urban, and the little baby together. “Why man?” Jack cried.

“What are you talking about bro?” Urban wiped his nose and looked at the wall, the tea dripping down on the marble floor.

“I saw you and her, YN, with a baby. When the fuck were y’all going to tell me?”

Urban’s mouth dried up. He wanted to say something but no words came out.

“Answer me before I knock the shit out of you again” Jack threatened, he was being very serious. As if him standing up again wasn’t a cue enough.

“She was going to tell you…she was scared Jack” Urban spoke. A sigh leaving his lips. “I found out myself a few weeks after Mila was born, and I was going to tell you too but it wasn’t my place”

“Wasn’t your place? You got her pregnant, both of you betrayed me in the most ultimate way and it wasn’t your place? Are you out of your god damn mind?“

Spinning out, waiting for ya

I'm in an L.A. mood

I don't wanna talk to you

She said, "Give me a day or two"

I go 'round and 'round

Satellite

Spinning out, waiting for ya to pull me in

I can see you're lonely down there

Don't you know that I am right here?

Spinning out, waiting for you to pull me in

I can see you're lonely down there

Don't you know that I am right here?

“Hold on” Urban paused, rethinking Jack’s words. His face filled with confusion. “Got her pregnant? Me?”

It was silent for a few seconds, then Urban busted out laughing. “You think I got her pregnant? Me? Urban Wyatt?”

“I’m glad you think it’s fucking funny, it won’t be when I give you another black eye”

“Nah man, you’re actually insane if you think I would get YN pregnant, that’s like my sister, the fuck?”

Jack raised an eye brown. Huffing out a breath, mostly because the fight (more so him just hitting Urban since Urban didn’t hit him back). Left him a little breathless. “If you didn’t get her pregnant than who did? And why were you making excuses to me? And don’t lie Urban or I swear to god-“

“It’s your baby! Damn you stubborn ass motherfucker, Mila is YOUR baby. Not mine, not some random guy, hell not even Neelam’s if it makes you feel better. She’s yours. She looks just like you too.”

Jacks ears started pounding. The bomb dropped on him left him with a heavy feeling. It all felt surreal. His hands got sweaty. The man didn’t even notice the way his face was soaked with tears. “You’re not joking right?” Jack said, with his hands on his on his chest. Urban heard the helplessness as Jack’s interior fell apart. It didn’t take a mind reader to see the whirl of emotions he was feeling.

“I’m sorry man, she’s two months old a-and she’s the most beautiful little girl I have ever seen.” Although it was Urban’s intention to comfort Jack with his words, he knew there was no comfort until he spoke to YN, until he saw his daughter.

The world could collapse right at Jack’s feet and his emotions wouldn’t be as distraught as they were at that moment.

Right here, right here

Spinning out, waiting for ya

I'm here, right here

Wishing I could be there for ya

Be there for ya

Be there for ya, for ya

(For ya)

(Be there for ya)

Spinning out, waiting for ya to pull me in (spinning out, waiting)

I can see you're lonely down there

Don't you know that I am right here?

Spinning out waiting for ya (for ya, for ya) to pull me in (for ya)

I can see you're lonely down there

Don't you know that I am right here?

///

“It’s okay baby, shhh it’s okay my love I know” You cooed at Mila. Who resteslly writhed around in her cot. The soft sound of Brahm’s lullaby played on her sound machine beside the cot on the small baby blue night stand that had hand drawn clouds on it. YN spent forever perfecting it.

“Mommy’s got you” You laughed and shook your head. She had her eyes open, even at just two months old she was very aware of her surroundings, sometimes you would have her in the kitchen in her cot while you cooked up something for yourself when you felt the urge to eat something (which was a rare occurrence these days). Mila would be turning her head to head the sound of you humming. By instinct she knew you were her mother, her protector. That you wouldn’t let anything harm her. The attributes she shared with her father didn’t go unnoticed. Yes she had a lot of his physical features but you grew to notice that she also was similar in him with her developing personality.

Grabbing her from the cot and sitting in the rocking chair beside the window, you pulled down your nursing bra. Bringing her closer to your breasts until she finally latched on to your nipple. You adjusted her little head and kissed it softly when she let out a satisfied whimper. Her hand ghosting over the skin of your breasts before laying it there. Tiny nails scraping your skin, but you didn’t mind. The sound of your daughter getting her dinner filled the nursery room. Your eyes scanned until they finally reached the clock, 8:30 pm. Which meant as soon as her stomach was content she would go down to sleep and you could take your hot shower with the new body soaps you had ordered.

Champagne toast lotion was calling your name too.

You laid your head back. Closing your eyes for a moment.

Urban’s conversation with you from earlier that day aired in your head. He was right, it was about that time you told Jack the truth. And prayed to whoever was up there that he didn’t think you were trying to set him up, or even pin a baby on him. Of course, you knew he would never think that way. But you also thought he would never cheat on you, and here you were almost a year later with a two month old in your arms, debating if you should tell her father that she existed.

You wanted to laugh at yourself, you felt despicable, little of yourself, and ashamed. You family was very supportive of you, a few of them turned their noses at you and rolled their eyes at the thought of the ‘golden girl’ of the family having a baby with some rapper from Kentucky. Those who judged didn’t know Jack that well, so they only assumed that he was some small hometown wannabe rapper. In their mind he wanted nothing to do with you or your baby. Little did they know that he didn’t even have an idea. You didn’t want to waste your breath with people that you didn’t give a fuck about. So correcting them didn’t even matter.

A ring of your doorbell snapped you out of thought. You raised your eyebrows. Looking down at Mila who was looking back up at you. Still filling her stomach and blinking up at you. “All I want is a hot shower, is that too much to ask Lala?” You snorted as your two month old suddenly closed her eyes.

Before you even got the chance to fully pull up your bra and shirt, the person outside the door started pounding.

“I’m coming!” You snatched a blanket from Mila’s crib and covered her with it.

You muttered obscenities under your breath.

The walk down the stairs felt like eternity. Your back was aching and your feet were swollen.

Once you reached the door you unlocked it and help Mila to your chest. The man on the other side smiled at you.

“Delivery for Miss Y/L/N?”

The young man dressed in a delivery uniform carrying a bouquet and a clipboard held out the paper for you.

“Can you please sign here?”

You were very confused but didn’t want to question him. The knocks on the door seemed urgent and you didn’t want to keep him. Especially when you assumed it was from your bestfriend or your parents. They were always sending you little gifts for you and Mila to cheer you up.

“Thank you” You nodded at him and took the flowers. Closing the door with your leg.

“Another gift from grandma Lala?” You asked the sleeping baby.

However when you checked the note tag attached to the stem of the peonies you heart dropped and your knees felt like they were about to give out.

‘ I love you - J’

///

“Mama!” Your 6 month old babbled to you. Her tiny finger pointed at a bird she saw. Her cute little voice muffled by the pacifier that was safely tucked in her plump lips. You were trying to steer her away from them but she was very stubborn and refused to let go of her beloved binkies. No matter how hard you tried to introducir frozen fruit as an alternative to the habit she had developed she refused. It amused you to a degree. Knowing that it was a trait she got from Jack. But you decided to let her keep it for a little while longer.

“I see that baby, a bird. You’re so smart” You laughed and kissed her head. Her soft brown curls or more like wisps were growing longer by the day. You could already put them in small pigtails.

The park was remotely empty except for a few tamiles there with their kids. It wasn’t as crowded as it usually got during the spring time. Which you were relieved to see upon arrival with a baby that wanted to crawl all over the place and eat the mulch off the playground floor if you allowed her to. Mila wasnt crawling fully yet, she was more so getting to the point to where she was wanting to. At most she got on her knees and rocked back and forth and sometimes on rare occasions made an effort to move her little knees forward only to collapse on the ground and grunt in frustration.

“Am I raising a little bird whisperer huh?” You shook your head as you held up Mila in a standing position with one hand and her other hand was opening and closing as to call the bird.

“It’s about that time we go Mila” you sighed. Looking at the time on your phone and it read 5:30, the sun would begin to set soon and you didn’t want to risk Mila falling asleep in the car and ruining her sleep for the night overall.

“Come on” You lifted her up. Grabbing her diaper bag and beginning to strap her into her stroller. You plucked the pacifier out of her mouth and replaced it with a baby puff. To which Mila gladly took and started knawing on. You were happy that she took it without a tantrum or fuss. “Off to the car we go” You sang to her. Making her give you a gummy smile, with a single tooth.

As you were pushing the stroller, you couldn’t help but feel a pair of eyes watching you. Your car keys jingling with every step you took. Rushing to get into the car, you didn’t feel like you were in any immediate danger. But you weren’t about to risk it with your baby with you.

“YN?”

You swiftly turned around. Only your head.

Squinting slightly you were met with a curly haired man. Dressed in some sports shorts and a tshirt.

“Jack?”

“Hey”

His wired earphones had fallen down to his neck as he looked at you. There was some sort of softness to them that you found yourself very familiar to.

He didn’t look much different since the last time you saw him. He was still as handsome as ever. He looked more mature too. You assumed he had been out for a jog. The weather was perfect and he did live in Kentucky as well. The only reason you managed to not see him was because you heard he had been on tour.

“Hey”

He stepped closer to you.

“How have you been?”

“I’ve been good. What about you? Keeping yourself busy with the music?” The way conversation flowed so naturally for the two of you seemed as if you had never called out of touch with eachother. As if there want a baby in the stroller you had been pushing that was related to him down to the last strand of DNA.

Jack puffed out some air. Looking down at the stroller. You were fully turned around now, your hand still securely on the handle of said stroller. He couldn’t see the baby inside. But it was eating him up not addressing the elephant in the room.

“Can I see her, please?“

You gulped, didn’t even let him ask a second time before you were turning the stroller to face him. Mila had finished munching on her snack and was currently laying back against the stroller. The pacifier that had been clipped to her purple onesie now tucked away back into her lips.

You could almost hear the inaudible gasp Jack let out. He approached his little girl closer.

“YN…”

Spinning out, waiting for ya (for ya, for ya) to pull me in (for ya)

I can see you're lonely down there

Don't you know that I am right here?

“Yes Jack, yes. She’s yours. And I’m so sorry” You cried. The tightness in your throat grew with more pressure. Little did you know he already knew.

“I know..Urban um, Urban told me four months ago. I just…I just thought you…I thought maybe you didn’t want me around for a reason. I’ve already fucked you up so much YN. I couldn’t do it to you a second time. But I should’ve came to you when I found out” He whispered to you. Blinking slowly at you. You didn’t know what to say to him. So Jack thought you were angry at him.

“Hate me all you want but” Jack let out a shaky sigh and his hand with his PG ring on it went to touch his face to hold him back from breaking down right in front of you, and the baby girl that shared the same curls as him who was sucking on her pacifier and staring at him with heavy, droopy eyes.

“Please don’t let her hate me”

You shakily shook your head and cried. “Jack I could never do that, I could never hate you either…. I-I’m so sorry I should’ve told you sooner” You watched with blurry vision as he neared you. His arms wrapping around you. His touch was so warm, he smelled just the same.

“We both did wrong, but I can let you guys walk away from me this time YN, I just can’t”

“I don’t want you to”

“Can I pick her up? I just want to hold her so bad” He whispered in your shoulder. You felt wetness stain the material of your shirt. You wouldn’t nor did you have the heart to deny him of that.

“Of course, please do. She’s missed so much of you”

You smiled and watched with happy eyes as he unbuckled Mila from her stroller. The little girl offering him a smile. Similar to his in so many ways. You watched as he held her close to his chest. Pressing kisses all over her forehead, her plump red cheeks.

He was in love and you could tell. Because you knew that feeling all too well. You three would be okay.

And the truth was, people hurt eachother by instinct. A safety mechanism to protect themselves from potential hurt. Exploring emotions throughout life is just what is part of growth. We’re just creatures of Habit after all.

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