#nie papa
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brain go brrrrrrr
#kabe-don#memes#wei changze#cangse sanren#fanart#+ unnamed nie papa#ive really just been out here#not putting any signatures on my work at all huh#o well#mdzs#my art
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Something for the little Fox-Meng Yao gets grabbed/adopted into the Nie Household as a companion for little Huaisang
From his point of view riding in one of Nie-zongzhu's saddlebags, Meng Yao was still trying to figure out the course of events that had put him in this position.
When the array-created cage had snapped shut around him, when he'd seen the size and sect colors of the men and women who'd gathered around him, he'd believed himself already dead.
Even though his mother had only ever interacted with the barest fringes of their non-human cohorts, not wanting to get caught by the humans who were her primary clientele, she'd heard enough passed info and gossip to drill a fear of the Nie into him; how they were practically demons themselves in the wild viciousness with which they battled creatures like him.
And yet the bear of a man who'd crouched in front of his cage had proven himself to be surprisingly affable... kind, even, in comparison to his own father, who hadn't even known what he was when having him thrown down the steps of Koi Tower.
Even when the others had expressed disapproval over just letting him live, even when he, in a terrified panic, had bitten the hands that reached in and plucked him from the cage, the human had made no effort to harm him.
Instead, the human had clucked and muttered over his bedraggled and half-starved state, and then offered him a deal. One that, if the human was being honest, was decidedly in his favor, even!
Maybe, he thought as the horses thundered towards towering stone walls, he was dreaming.
Maybe he was still in the cage, dying, and his feverish brain had invented the last half a day in an attempt to keep him from being miserable as his life snuffed ou-
The loud bang of heavy wood and iron doors slamming shut made him reflexively flatten his ears against his skull.
Well... he was pretty sure his brain wouldn't have thought to include that, which meant all this must actually be happening.
The smell of sizzling meat broke through his mental dilemma, and his ears pricked forward eagerly before he instinctively lunged, mouth watering, as far as he could out of the saddlebag to snap down the large hunk of roasted chicken that Nie-zongzhu had held in front of his face.
There was more in a bowl on the ground, and had Nie-zongzhu not been so quick at lifting him out of the bag and putting him down, he probably would have fallen in the dirt on his face trying to get to it.
"Easy, easy, no rush. Eat as much as you want, then I'll take you to meet Sang-er."
Three bowls later, his stomach practically hurting from all he'd stuffed in it in his desperation, he allowed Nie-zongzhu to pick him up again and carry him towards the inner quarters.
"Just stay with him for now, all right? No doubt you need rest, and he's probably not going to be in any shape for more than that anyway. Come morning, if you're up for changing, we'll see about proper introductions and getting you kitted out," Nie-zongzhu said amiably, paying no mind to confused or wary looks from the assorted servants and disciples they passed.
Nie-zongzhu, he was beginning to realize, was apparently a very strange man in general, not just in choosing not to kill him.
The room they came to held not only a large fireplace, but several small burning censers dispensing both heat and medicinal smoke. Had he lived in the area long enough to grow a proper winter coat, it would have been sweltering, and even with his current one, he could feel his skin prickling a bit.
A boy who looked to be a few years older than him and quite a bit taller was sitting on the floor by a lump of furs and blankets in just his inner robes and trousers, a portable writing desk in his lap. At the sound of the door closing, he raised his head, and his green-eyed gaze flicked from Meng Yao to Nie-zongzhu's face, his mouth pulled into a scrunched frown that Meng Yao had already seen on several of the people in the halls.
Meng Yao craned his head back as far as he could, but that only got him a view of the underside of Nie-zongzhu's jaw. Whatever silent conversation had passed between father and son -and this boy had to be a son, they looked too similar for him not to be- was apparently enough to placate the boy's concern, because when Meng Yao looked at him again, he merely shrugged before going back to whatever he was writing.
Nie-zongzhu carried him around to the other side of the lump, which he could now see was a nest of pallet mattresses as well as the other bedding.
In the midst of it all was a much smaller boy. Despite the fact that he was clearly sweating from the heat, he was curled in a tight ball under his covers, pale and shivering. His breath came and went in little wheezes, punctuated by the occasional small cough.
When Meng Yao's paws landed on the mattress near his head, bleary pale green eyes fluttered open and blinked at him.
If the boy was as confused as his brother by his presence, he didn't show it, merely shifting to make room for him amongst the nest, and once he'd taken the offer to make himself comfortable, little fingers scratched once behind his left ear before the boy was already asleep again, his arm resting loosely over Meng Yao's neck in a gentle cuddle.
Oh... yes. This deal was definitely in his favor, he thought, unable to resist snuggling a little closer and closing his own eyes to sleep.
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With A Flap Of Wings, Part One
(okay. here we go.)
Warnings for the overall story: Implications/mentions of suicide, miscarriage.
Tags: Nie-family centric, alternate timeline, time travel fix-it, ghosts, suicide, everybody lives (I know how weird it sounds having both, you gotta trust me here), no-war timeline
----------------
Nie Huaisang sits and stares at the closed stone doors of the tomb that contains the bodies of nearly all of his family, or at least their sabers.
All except for his brother, who remains trapped in that heavens-damned coffin.
The pile of aged papers in his lap rustle in the chilly breeze, but he barely pays attention, even though the pages are the answer to one of the many questions that had been plaguing him since the first time the ritual to purify his brother’s soul had failed.
Since the first time the time-jumping ritual had failed.
He can't remember how many times he's cast it, using his own blood to dive into the past, only to inevitably be flung back here no matter how deep he went or which events he changed.
But now he understands.
All of the monsters and ugly twists of fate that had targeted his family... they had only been symptoms of the disease.
He is the cause.
He, the ill-omened child who killed his own mother with his first breath, is the one who brought calamity on all who ever knew him, death and misfortune dogging his steps before he could even walk.
This, all of this, is because of him.
But he can still fix it.
Maybe none of the other attempts had worked, but that was because he hadn't known where to weed out the rot threatening the garden.
Now, he does.
Closing his eyes and bracing himself, he draws the knife from his belt for what he desperately hopes will be the last time.
–-
Nie Leiyun is six months into her pregnancy –one month away from what would have been her death from hemorrhaging during an arduous childbirth– when she staggers and has to catch herself on a table, suddenly overcome by a horrible throbbing pain in her guts.
But it's when the pain stops, everything inside her going unnaturally still, that she actually starts to panic and sinks down to sit on the floor, trying to call out and unable to make her voice work.
A maid rushing to help her back to her feet is the first to see the blood starting to stain her robes and the stone beneath her, and she’s the one who screams for the healers when Nie Leiyun can’t.
Despite all their efforts, the healers are only able to save one life.
Once, in a timeline that has just been erased, it was the child.
This time, it's the mother.
---
The grief that falls over the sect is heavy.
No one seems to be more crushed by it than Nie Mingjue.
All of six years old, he had been adamant that he didn't want a sibling and had complained to anyone who would listen. Babies were stinky and dumb and boring and either cried all the time or made messes everywhere. Gross.
And now the baby is dead, dead and gone, and no amount of hugs or kind words can convince the boy that he hadn't somehow wished his little brother away.
Nie Haoran and Nie Linsong are gentle with their wife and son's grief -it had been Linsong's own struggles with having another child that had prompted the second wedding, after all- and it's Linsong who makes a fateful suggestion one night as the two of them are sitting by the fire one evening, Linsong spoiling her falcon with some extra preening assistance and Leiyun mending some clothing.
"The only reason you put your search on hold was because the pregnancy was becoming too harsh on your health, wasn't it? Why not pick it back up again now once you've recovered a little?"
---
Three and a half months later, Nie Leiyun hears rumors of a high-ranking courtesan in Yunping who has been making waves among the cultivation gentry. This by itself is nothing new, she has investigated over a dozen other women who ended up in the brothels like she originally had and have since risen to some level of fame, some even attracting the attention of sect leaders like she had.
But none of those women had been outright carrying her long-abandoned surname of Meng.
She does her best not to get her hopes up, but luck is on her side for a change, and three days after she first hears the whispers, Nie Leiyun -Meng Xiu- clutches her sister Meng Shi in a tearful embrace.
She doesn't know how to feel about the tiny boy that her sister introduces her to. He is not yet two years old, so close to her Sang-er.
They could have grown up cousins.
Friends.
But now-
She wipes her eyes and puts aside her selfishness. Yao-er can still be a cousin and friend to Mingjue, and he and her sister both deserve far better than this place.
She takes them home.
#mdzs#nie sect#nie family#papa nie#mingjue's mother#huaisang's mother#meng shi#jin guangyao#nie huaisang#fanfic#death tw#with a flap of wings
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lmao the Wens spending pretty much all the sunshot campaign looking for Xue Yang be like
I swear, he’s mentioned EVERY SINGLE TIME Wen Ruohan is onscreen, they are absolutely desperate to get him (his Yin iron shard) back
#real curious to know where was he at tho#after he got away from the Nie prison#already with Meng Yao?#can't be mengyao was in nevernight then#idk#avoiding a war#the untamed#cql#mdzs#mo dao zu shi#xue yang#wen ruohan#my gran calls him papa wenXD#sunshot campaign#yin iron#a la cua
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Copia gives me very Nie Huaisang energy
#Ghost#mdzs#the untamed#ghost band#cardinal copia#papa iv#nie huaisang#sometimes you are just a pathetic little guy but also Winning
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.
#jeder mit dem ich rede stimmt mir zu dass ich so schnell wie möglich nen neuen job finden muss#aber jedes mal wenn mein papa dabei ist sagt er bleib da wo du bist#und ich verstehe einfach nicht warum#ja ich habe jetzt einen unbefristeten vertrag bei nem guten arbeitgeber#aber das bringt mir doch nichts wenn ich jeden tag kotzen und heulen möchte weil es mir so schlecht geht#mein papa denkt halt dass es noch besser wird aber hier wird nichts besser#ich bin seit über einem jahr hier und es hat sich einfach nichts geändert#und jeder weiß wie beschissen es mir geht#ich weiß ich ziehe alle mit meiner negativen stimmung runter#aber es belastet mich wirklich so enorm ich wache jeden tag auf und mir ist speiübel#ich mochte den ganzen tag einfach nur heulen und fühle mich so unglaublich unwohl auf arbeit#aber mein papa sagt immer so ein scheiß wie du musst dich da durchbeißen#und irgendwie verletzt mich das total#weil er mir voll das schlechte gewissen macht und mir damit das gefühl gibt dass ich das problem bin und mich nicht genug anstrenge#aber dieser job ist einfach nur sinnlos und hier wird sich nichts verbessern#ich muss hier wirklich so schnell wie möglich weg#aber ich stecke irgendwie fest weil ich nichts anderes finde und ich auch angst habe ein risiko einzugehen#also wenn ich jetzt doch nochmal was neues anfangen würde#es ist einfach alles so scheiße und ich hab einfach keine lust mehr#ich hab mich echt noch nie so beschissen gefühlt wie in den letzten 2 jahren#ich möchte einfach alles hinschmeißen
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𝙤𝙝, 𝙞 𝙝𝙖𝙩𝙚 𝙩𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙢𝙖𝙣
❝oh.. cara mia, how i love him.❞
♡ rin itoshi ♡
a/n: first time writing for blue lock!! ugh, guys, the brainrot is very severe. they’re all my babygirls fr.
content: rin itoshi x reader, sprinkle of sae in it (if you squint), fluff, angst, hurt/comfort, childhood friend to strangers to lovers, rin’s a little mean, unresolved feelings cause sudden confession, small little tweaks of events, not edited.
---
“rinnie!” your six-year-old self screamed loud and proud for your best friend in the entire world as you ran inside the itoshi household. your parents were left behind at the door, chuckling with the itoshi’s parents because of your excitement.
you tightly gripped the coloring set to your chest, climbing the stairs as fast as you could upstairs to rin’s play room that he shared with his brother sae. you opened the door, seeing the familiar ravenette sitting on the child size chair, focused on drawing.
“rin! you were supposed to wait for me.” you whined, your smile now becoming a small frown as you sat in front of him on the empty chair. rin looked up at you, finally acknowledging your presence.
“ah! y/nie, you’re here so soon.” he gave you a bright smile, his eyes shimmering at your company. suddenly, you even forgot that you were mad at him in the first place, his smile being so contagious as you returned one yourself.
“look! papa got them from his business trip last week and it has crayons, markers, paints and so much more!” you showed him the coloring kit, making him awe from amazement from the variety.
“so cool! hey, can we share?” rin asked and you eagerly nodded your head, laying out your coloring supplies on the table freely.
“who are you drawing for the project?” you asked, beginning your masterpiece, which would consist of cutely drawn stick figures.
“i’m gonna draw big bro, i wanna be just like him in the future. he’s just so cool, he’ll become the best striker in the world and i’ll be the second best.” rin spoke with such passion in his tone, his eyes holding a loving adoration at the thought of his brother.
“nice, i wanna become like my mama. i want to make food as delicious as hers so that i could feed the people that i love.” you chirped, dipping your paint brush in a little bit of water before swirling it inside the watercolor paint palette.
“even me?” rin asked, making you look at him with a slight dust of pink shading your cheeks.
“of course, rinnie. you’re my best friend and i’ll always love you. i think you’re more awesome than sae.” you whispered the last part, making him giggle as he shook his head.
“hm? talking about me?” you suddenly hear a voice behind you, your eyes being covered as you yelp in surprise.
“sae!” you finally peeled his hands away from your eyes, eyes meeting another pair of emerald ones. sae chuckled before ruffling your hair.
“hey! you’re messing up my pigtails.” you huffed, trying to fix your hair that slightly ruined, straightening the bows that were a little crooked.
“sorry, sorry, cutie.” sae raised his hands in defense, making you hum as a response of accepting his apology. he sat on the ground, eyes watching what you and his brother was doing.
“look, big bro! this is you and me when we win the world cup together.” rin eagerly showed his finished drawing, earning a proud grin from his brother as sae ruffled rin’s hair.
“we’ll be the best of the best, together.” sae said, warmth spreading inside rin’s heart from satisfaction.
“yup!” rin nodded.
“hey, what about me? i don’t know how to play soccer.” you pout, feeling left out from the itoshi’s conversation.
“i offered to teach you but you didn’t wanna.” sae replied, pinching your cheeks teasingly as you winced.
“yeah ‘cause soccer is for boys not for girls.” you fake gagged, making sae roll his eyes from your overdramatic reaction.
“you can cheer us on, you’ll be in the front seats watching us.” rin suggested, making you think hard on if that’s the job you wanted to play in the itoshi brothers dream.
“okay! i’ll be your good luck charm.” you gave them a thumbs up, making them both agree.
“my, my! aren’t you three just so cute. let’s take a picture!” rin’s mom cooed, pulling out her phone as she ushered both brothers to stand by your side. you dropped your paint brush, holding your colorful hands up with a bright smile that made your eyes disappear.
you felt rin and sae bent down, placing a kiss on either of your cheeks as a pose.
“1...2...3... awwww!” your parents were in the middle of having a stroke from cuteness overload. on the other hand, you were combusting with happiness from how lucky you were to have two of the greatest friends ever.
---
change is something inevitable.
seasons change and so do other forms of life such as plants, animals and humans. it’s just the cycle of life that we must go through.
the world was still too big for your liking at the age of sixteen, afraid to dip your toes in waters that seemed too cold and foreign.
you were afraid to change.
and perhaps that was one of the reasons why you let the two most important people in your life slip out of your grasp. sae became a hotshot in a small period of time, hitting the news which spread like wildfire. of course, this alone made your and rin’s hearts soar from happiness.
but that was two years ago.
things were different now, so different that you don’t even recognize the itoshi brothers anymore. sae was absolutely no longer in the picture, frequently traveling to places like spain and his visits back in japan lasted no more than a couple of days.
and your best friend, rin, has become nothing but a total stranger. he still lived within close premises, yet his aura felt like someone splashed you with cold water. that warmth that once resided within him was gone.
you quickly barged into rin’s room, your face now becoming pale with horror as you saw him go berserk. his eyes were dark, smashing every single trophy, medal and picture frame him and sae owned.
“i hate him! i hate, hate, hate, itoshi sae!” rin bellowed, not even caring about your existence that was terrified by the door. your shaky hands went behind you, closing the door as you slowly tip-toed your way to him.
“rin?” you meekly called out his name, trying to catch his attention as he was heaving from frustration. he looked at you with a sharp glare, making your throat go dry.
“what.” he spat out with so much venom, making you mentally wince.
“sit down and talk to me.” you grabbed his arms, pushing him back until he sat on the bed and you stood in front of him. your hands were on his shoulders, grounding him on the mattress to make sure that he wouldn’t get up to do anything else.
“there’s nothing to talk about. itoshi sae ruined my life by teaching me soccer, and i will get my revenge on him.” rin spoke with so much hate in his voice it made your stomach churn.
“that’s crazy talk, you both are supposed to become the best together, remember?” you frowned, cupping his cheeks as you tried to somehow make this hateful glint of his disappear.
until he swatted away your hands.
“we’re not kids anymore, y/n. it’s time that you grow the fuck up and realize that this stupid dream the three of us dreamt of was never going to become reality. even seeing you makes me angry now.” rin harshly spat out, making your mouth agape from shock, looking at him with glossy eyes.
“rin, the hell is that supposed to mean?” your voice croaked, your heart feeling like it was on the verge of cracking into two.
“i hate you too, y/n.”
those were the last words that were ever exchanged between you and rin, the last time you both were even near each other. every time the both of your parents would try to organize an event together, you would make some lame excuse to not join them.
but, today it seemed that no matter how significant or desperate you tried to make your excuse look like, your parents didn’t buy it.
“what happened between you guys? you all used to be such good buddies.” your dad asked out of the blue, looking at you through the mirror as he drove. you shrugged, playing with the hem of your dress.
“we just grew up, i guess. besides, the both of them are pretty busy people so i don’t wanna butt in.” you quickly dismissed, not wanting to talk about this whole sibling rivalry they both had going on which eventually wrapped you into it as well.
“yeah, it’s a shame. but, the itoshi brothers are doing very good. sae has gotten into nationals and rin got into some bootcamp place called blue lock. we’re going over for dinner because the brothers are gonna be off on their own path tomorrow.” your mom informed you, making your eyes go wide like the size of two full moons.
it was bad enough that you’d be seeing both sae and rin after two years, but the fact that now even more distance was being created left you unsettled. there was no more hope in restoring whatever friendship you guys had.
you didn’t care much about sae, but rin? he was your best friend, your person, the only person who could actually turn your frown upside down.
what probably hurt the most was the stupid crush you had on him that never died down. you know him like the back of your hand, and you know that the itoshi rin right now is not the sweet rin you befriended and fell in love with as a child. yet, a piece of your heart knew that somewhere in those ferocious green flames of his, your rinnie was still there.
the dinner party was like usual, a bunch of rich people all in one place. you felt stuffy and suffocated, deciding to go up to the balcony to get some fresh air. you noticed a tall figure leaning on the rails, peering down.
“shouldn’t you be hosting your own party?” you snickered, standing beside him as your voice rang a bell in his ears. rin straightened his posture, easily towering over you as your mind couldn’t process how tall he has gotten within the span of two years. his body was more fit and muscular, yet his face was stoic and bored like the last ever time you had seen him.
“tell that to mr. famous, he’s the hot topic of the table.” rin grumbled, stealing quick glances at you with a side eye that you failed to notice. he couldn’t help but notice how you’ve gotten even prettier within the years, his heart fluttering upon the sight of you.
you grew up so well, yet you still reminded him of the old y/n he knew.
“hm, well, congrats on getting in blue lock.” you awkwardly said, rubbing your bare arms as you avoided eye contact with him.
“thanks.” he dryly responded and silence fell between you both.
“so, you’re gonna go away for a long time?” you asked, trying to stir up a conversation with your best friend whom your heart ached and yearned for.
“don’t know.” rin simply shrugged, his resistance making your blood boil. he was acting like it was your first day meeting him and that every single memory between you both never existed.
“alright, i’m fucking done.” you said through gritted teeth, making rin look at you with a cocked eyebrow. suddenly, you grabbed him by the collar, pulling him down to make at eye-level with you.
“the fuck is your problem, huh? i don’t know what went on between you and sae, but that shit does not involve me. i don’t give two flying fucks about soccer, i just want my best friend back. so stop being such an asshole!” you screamed in his face, your eyes pooling with tears that began to sting. rin looked into your eyes, his lips thining into a line before his larger hands peeled your fingers away.
“are you fucking deaf or dumb, huh? that weak and pathetic version of rin itoshi you so dearly hold in your heart is dead. my dream is no one’s but only mine. only i will become the best of the best in the world, the best striker. i will defeat itoshi sae and make him eat his damn words.” his hands balled into fists, making you crouch down as you held your face in your hands, sobbing.
“then why.. why am i looped into this shit?! did you mean what you said to me last time?” you asked, praying to whatever god up there that you overthought everything those past two years.
“of course i did, y/n. you mean nothing to me, right now, the only thing important to me is soccer. hell, i’ll even put my life on the line for it. anything and anyone who gets in my way is nothing but a fucking pain the ass.” rin glared down at you, each of his words feeling like a few hundreds of knives stabbing your heart.
“you fucking jerk. i hate you, itoshi rin! i hate you, i hate you, i hate you! go to fucking hell.” you yelled, getting up with tears in your eyes as you ran inside the house. you tried to navigate yourself to the bathroom to fix your face which was probably streaked with black remains of your mascara.
you bumped into a hard chest, making you groan in pain as you mumbled a quick ‘sorry’.
“y/n?” the familiarity of the voice sent chills down your spine, looking up to see none other than sae. his hairstyle changed completely, his eyes dull as he looked at you with an undecipherable look.
but for some odd reason, his presence made you furious. a part of you couldn’t help but blame sae for the reason why everything went down the drain for the three of you. you roughly shoved him off, catching him off guard.
“do me a favor and go back to spain so that i don’t ever have to see your face again, itoshi sae.” you said in a monotone, not even wanting to look him in the face as you walked away.
a beautiful friendship that you once molded with both brothers turned nothing but into puddles of sorrow and agony.
---
“come on, y/n! it’ll be fun, i promise.” your friend whined, trying to convince you to attend soccer match between u-20 and blue lock today.
“eh, i don’t know. i’m not really a soccer person.” you nervously laughed, trying to shoo her away. but, your friend was persistent.
“come on, pretty please? didn’t you say someone you know goes to blue lock?” your friend narrowed her eyes, making you look at the side as you tried to come up with a lie.
“well, uhm, yeah? but like, i don’t know if he’s still playing in it.” you scratched the back of your neck, trying your best to decline her offer as politely as possible.
you knew that these tickets were hot and porbably costed a lot of money, yet her friend who is playing in the match gave her two.
“well then, i guess you’ll find out!” she said and you sighed in defeat.
“fine.” you mumbled, taking the ticket from her hand.
you both were now outside of the stadium, the lines were making you feel all sweaty and suffocated. you texted your friend, getting annoyed that she was running late and you felt a little stupid standing in the middle of all of these die-hard soccer fans.
“ah, sorry! i’m here.” you friend waved to you at the distance, running over as you rolled your eyes.
“i was gonna go home if you didn’t show up within the next minute.” you gave a small empty threat, making her chuckle.
“hey, no worries. getting inside won’t take too long, let’s get jersey’s!” she sang out, dragging you the stand where they were selling the shirts.
“i’ll get number eleven for blue lock please.” you friend said, pulling her wallet to pull out the money. you read the name on the shirt: isagi yoichi. it was most likely the friend that gave her these tickets.
“what about you, y/n?” she looked at you and your eyes scanned the shirts for both u-20 and blue lock but the summer’s heat was making you feel dizzy. so you just went with some random number that popped inside your head.
“uh, i don’t know, number ten?” you asked more than said. the man gave you a judgemental look which made you a little embarrassed.
“for which team? u-20′s number ten is itoshi sae and blue lock’s number ten is itoshi rin.” the man informed you, making your heart drop as those two names rang loud and clear in your ears.
no way that this could’ve all just been pure coincidence. you were broken out of your thought as the line grew, deciding that no one would even see you anyways from the distance. so, you’d cheer him on behind the scenes.
“blue lock’s number ten, please.” you said with a small smile.
after purchasing the jersey, you and your friend went to the bathroom to change into it. after you both were done, she guided you through different doors in which security people guarded it.
“vip tickets.” you friend eagerly showed them both your and her ticket to the man before they gave her a brief nod. they opened the red rope barrier and allowed you two to enter.
“hey, this is so close to the field.” you said in awe, looking at the huge green field before you.
“of course, dummy. we have first row seats.” she gave you a wide smile, making your heart thump. you both took your seat, waiting for the match to start. the announcer people did their little speeches, making you bored. until, the doors opened and the players began to walk in.
you watched how u-20 walked in, the familiar red head leading the team. your gaze fell on his jersey, it was number ten, itoshi sae. the door on the opposite side opened and the blue lock players walked in and it felt like time had stopped when your eyes fell on the person’s jersey whom you were wearing.
itoshi rin.
you noticed how rin’s eyes held a different glint in them, it was filled with determination and the will to devour. he was finally going to play against his brother whom he once dreamt of playing together with side by side. the more you remember that old childish dream that you three dreamt of, the more your heart ached.
you could only wish that it could go back to that.
the match has been going for what felt like an eternity, but you couldn’t help but have your palms get sweaty. it was intense, both teams filled with bery talented and skilled players. this was your first time watching rin and sae play soccer, as you’d always skip out on their practices in the past because it was boring to you.
but now after witnessing it live, you were nothing but dumbstruck from amazement. their speed, intellect, strength, stamina and overall talent was unremarkable. you would be liar if you denied the fact that you were proud of both of them.
yet, your heart was rooting for blue lock to take home the victory. unfortunately, things weren’t going towards your liking as u-20 was in the lead. one more goal in for u-20 sent the whole crowd roaring and cheering for none other than itoshi sae.
however, your eyes not even once fell on him. you were more focused on rin, his every move was sharp and hypnotizing. you watched him pant from exhaustion, until a different aura replaced him.
you looked at him and your heart dropped to your stomach, recognizing that look from before. it was a look as if a demonic entity has taken over him, his eyes darkening as his tongue slipped out in focus.
fuck.
you watched him go berserk, zooming past all the players and strategically knocking down everyone’s skills with his own. that was until he was now head on head against sae now.
you noticed how his movements waivered for a little, but he shrugged it off and continue to get in his shooting range without being interrupted by sae. the crowd grew quiet as they began to whisper and murmur about the sibling rivalry.
you heard them badmouthing rin, taking sae’s side just because rin wasn’t as well known like sae. you couldn’t take it anymore, leaning over.
“you could do it, itoshi rin! make that fucking goal, rinnie!!” you screamed at the top of your lungs, your voice catching both brother’s attention. rin looked at you with shock, sharing the same look with sae. you gave rin a hopeful smile, giving him a thumbs up.
“i believe in you, rin! you can make that goal!” and with that being said, it was as if his mind was being possessed by your voice, your words guiding him as his body acted on its own.
rin surpressed sae, who didn’t even notice because he was startled by your sudden appearence amongst the crowd. and in a matter of seconds, rin’s leg swung and like fire the ball hit the net.
“fuck yeah!!” you jumped from your seat as the announcers flooded everyones ears with compliments towards rin.
blue lock won.
---
“holy shit, that game was insane!” your friend babbled, making you chuckle as you nodded your head in agreement.
“yeah, it was.” you smiled, the events of rin’s amazing goal and overall play rewinding in your mind.
“hey, i’m gonna go catch up with my friend. i’ll text you when i get home.” you friend quickly excused herself and you nodded your head, wanting to leave as soon as possible to avoid bumping into either brothers.
you were finally able to leave the stadium, now outside as you saw the sun was slowly setting. you leaned against the fence, taking in the breathtaking sight.
“running away from me so soon?” a voice spoke out, sending chills down your spine. you turned your head only to see the 6′1 striker walking towards you while drinking water. he was out of his uniform, now wearing nothing but sweats and a t-shirt.
“rin..” you said under your breath, your voice already half gone from your screaming. you haven’t seen rin face to face for a while now, especially after that night. he made your heart tremble, your knees weak and you always grew nervous.
“never expected you to show up to one of my games.” rin blurted out, making you scoff.
“why? ‘cause you think i don’t know anything about soccer since you’re a hotshot player and i’m not?” you taunted, making his lips curl a little upwards into a small smirk.
“you’re the one who said soccer was boring.” he argued, making you tsk.
“well, it’s not as boring when watching you play it.” you mumbled under your breath, but your words were as clear as day to rin and it made his heart swell with pride.
“is that so?” rin asked, tucking a piece of your hair behind your ear. his skin softly grazed your face, making your cheeks grow warm. your eyes remained on the ground, not being able to meet his intense eye contact.
rin let out a sigh, grabbing your chin before forcing you to look up to him. he looked down at your flustered face, looking over every feature that he has memorized in his mind. you were still the same, the only difference is you’ve matured as you’ve grown.
your adorable doey eyes that would look at him like he’s the most interesting person ever to exist, your cute button nose that would scrunch up in excitement, soft and chubby cheeks that would blush whenever he kissed them and plump lips that would say the sweetest things to him.
you’ve never left itoshi rin’s mind.
“why did you come today?” he asked, looking into your eyes like he’s trying his best to search for the truth.
“my friend had extra tickets.” you admitted, watching his eyes droop a little and lose their shine.
“oh.” his voice sounded disappointed.
“the man in the jersey stall asked me if i wanted u-20′s number 10 or blue lock’s number 10. i chose you, rin.” you said before cupping his face, getting tired of knocking on this hard wall rin has built around his heart.
rin could feel his heart hammering against his chest, the unfamiliar feeling of this weird fuzz made him confused. you were rooting for him from the beginning?
“but why? sae is still a better player than me, i got that goal in by luck because he was distracted.” rin frowned, dropping your hands from his face as you heavily sighed.
“even if everyone in that entire crowd cheered for sae, i would still be your number one supporter and wear your number and scream for you loud and proud. whether you won or lost, you’ll always be the one that i would root for, rinnie.” you gave him a ceshire smile, that beautiful shimmer in your eyes returning just like how you’d have it when talking to him as a child.
suddenly, you grabbed his neck before pulling him into your chest, hugging him tightly. you didn’t want to fight against your feelings anymore, you no longer cared.
“i’ll always choose you, rin. i love you, i love you so, so, so damn much that it hurts. all these years of being away from you made me become nothing but miserable. come back to me, rinnie, please.” you begged, tears streaming down your face as you sniffled.
and it took only those few words to have that wall itoshi rin built around his heart to come crumbling down. he tightly wrapped his arms around your waist, lifting you up as you wrapped your legs around his waist.
“i missed you so much, y/n. i’m so sorry. i-i don’t even know what to say.” he stammered, as you felt him sniffling against your chest. your hand came down to his cheeks, wiping away his tears as you shook your head.
“it’s okay, i know it was hard on you. you suffered a lot on your own.” you kissed his forehead lovingly, feeling him tighten his embrace.
“but still, i was such an asshole to you because i was so consumed by my hatred. i’m so sorry for hurting you, y/n. i felt so guilty, i couldn’t even face you because i knew my feelings would conflict with me.” rin admitted, making your heart skip a beat.
“i love you too, y/n. i always have and i always will.” he said, leaning away from your chest to meet your gaze as his eyes softened. you giggled in content, your hand going behind his neck to pull him into a kiss.
it wasn’t anything too much, a soft yet savoring kiss that you both shared. rin could taste the sweet fruity gloss you used on your lips, humming at it’s sweetness. you smiled against his lips before pecking them multiple times. you cupped his cheeks, squishing them as a pout forcibly formed on his lips.
“ahhh, you’re so cute, rinnie! i just wanna eat you up!” you squealed, continuing to pepper his face and pouty lips with smooches. rin’s face noticibly grew warm and red, but he liked getting this kind of attention from you.
you both spent the next few minutes just hugging and pecking each other, enjoying each other’s close company that you both ached for all those years.
“we got the whole week off, so uh, do you wanna go on a date?” rin asked, averting his eyes from you. a teasing grin danced on your lips as you decided to play with him a little.
“hmm, i don’t know. let me think.” you pretended to think hard, making him scoff.
“y/n!” rin whined, playfully smacking your thigh as you chuckled.
“just kidding! of course i’ll go on a date with you, rin. but, only if you first ask me to be your girlfriend.” you asked with a cheeky smile, making him pinch your nose.
“now you’re asking for too much.” rin teased, making you scoff.
“hey, i was your lucky charm that helped you make that goal. the least you can do is ask me to be your girlfriend.” you roll your eyes, sending him a small glare.
“now why would i give you any credit for that goal.” rin tilted his head, making you huff.
“jerk, fine, then go on that date by yourself.” you said in a petty tone, squirming out of his release before walking off. rin chuckled to himself, knowing that you were right. your voice was the only thing that put him in that trance to make that goal, so yes, you were his lucky charm.
rin lightly jogged behind your before engulfing your figure into a back hug. he snuggled his face in the crook of your neck before kissing your temple.
“be my girlfriend and go on that date with me.” he said, pressing a tender kiss on your cheeks. a girly smile was now plastered on your face and you hummed.
“if you insist, okay then!” you exclaimed, your stomach filled with butterflies.
“good, i can’t win my games without my lucky charm.” rin breathed out in content, wrapping an arm around your waist as he held you close while you both walked.
from a distance, the other itoshi watched, tightly clutching onto his duffle bag. an overwhelming amount of sadness washing over him as he watched his once beloved brother and childhood friend walk away together.
sae let out a heavy sigh, walking in the opposite direction as a bitter smile was on his lips. in a way, the dream you three have dreamt came true today.
the itoshi brothers played together in an intense soccer match while you were in the front rows cheering. only difference was the molten sea of hate and complicated feelings that made things more different.
you only cheered for rin, completely ignoring sae’s existence and perhaps that why this feeling of tightness in his chest prevented him from even caring about what rin had in plan next during the match.
although you and rin found each other once again in the same world, itoshi sae realized that he was way far gone from you both.
he could no longer dream the same dream as you and rin.
itoshi sae has lost his brother and his childhood best friend and he knew that he couldn’t blame anyone else but himself.
#rin itoshi x reader#rin itoshi#rin#rin blue lock#rin itoshi blue lock#blue lock x reader#blue lock x you#blue lock x y/n#rin itoshi fluff#rin itoshi angst#rin itoshi scenarios#rin itoshi imagines#rin itoshi drabbles#rin itoshi headcanons#blue lock scenarios#blue lock fluff#blue lock imagines#blue lock angst#blue lock headcanons#sae itoshi x reader#sae itoshi#sae itoshi blue lock#sae#itoshi rin#itoshi brothers#bllk#bllk headcanons#bllk fluff#bllk imagines#bllk scenarios
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Biscuit! Sorry if I'm late to writing jam (it has been. A. Day. In lab today) and please feel free to disregard if I am, but for spooky writing jam:
Either one of the Nie Moms as ghosts?
A part of Nie Linsong's heart always prickled with guilt whenever she got the opportunity to look in on the boys.
It wasn't fair that Nie Leiyun had never been able to come on one of these visits; that her wife could only subsist on the stories and descriptions she brought back with her to the realm of the dead.
After all, she had gotten eight years with Mingjue and two years with Huaisang- Leiyun had never gotten to meet Huaisang at all before death had taken her.
The guilt made her greedy, taking in anything and everything she possibly could and committing it to memory as vividly as possible so that there would be more to give her wife.
But this time-
-this time-
-she desperately wished that she could see less and do more.
Their husband's body was, in her vision, wreathed in red flames that made sickening twisted shapes of corpses on the floor around him as he stood hunched over, an enraged, animalistic expression of rage on his face and the sturdy, calloused hands she'd always been fond of wrapped around around the throat of their younger son with crushing pressure.
Little Huaisang couldn't even scream with the force on his windpipe, and any moment, his equally fragile spine could-
-forcing herself to tear away from the horrible sight, she streaked from hall to hall, aiming for the bright spark that was their older son.
"Jue-er!" she screamed the moment she saw him, putting all the spiritual force she had in her body into her voice. "Your father's room! He's killing your brother!"
Nie Mingjue jerked, looking around in confusion. "Is someone-?"
"No time! Go! Save your brother!"
Fortunately, that was enough to get him moving, running towards Nie Haoran's room with his mother's spirit right on his heels.
She could only hope that they would be in time; that Mingjue's mad dash across the sect grounds would attract enough help.
That she wouldn't have to return to Leiyun with the news that their sons would be joining them along with their husband when this horrible night was over.
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Okay, so, trying to get into this less refined thing.
As I said before, I actually have an outline for how the Butterfly Effect AU is supposed to go past the point I couldn't keep writing. If y'all don't mind spoilers, I'd be interested in your thoughts.
(But I'm putting it behind a cut for those who don't want spoilers.)
By the time his parents and brother and cousin get close enough to get Huaisang's attention, both Papa Nie and Mingjue are suffering pretty horrible nosebleeds, maybe even bleeding from the eyes too, and Linsong and Zonghui are not doing much better.
Understandably, since this is the day Mingjue died in the old timeline, the blood only makes Huaisang panic more, which makes the shockwaves worse.
Mingjue has no idea how to reassure him, just holding on to him in the hopes that will help somehow.
Suddenly he feels the cold shock of ghostly hands reaching into his body, something that had never happened before since Huaisang had always been partially solid.
While he's still stunned, he can feel something like layers and layers of grime being burned off his core as Huaisang clutches it. As the shockwaves die down, he finds himself feeling... better. A lot better. Even though he was nowhere near the qi deviation he'd experienced in the old timeline, the resentment was still starting to accumulate, and now it's just gone.
Huaisang seems to be just as surprised that whatever he did worked, at least as a temporary fix.
He starts to reach for their dad to do the same to him, but then he... flickers a little bit, like a struggling candle flame.
Oh. Shit. Papa Nie immediately realizes that they are now very short on time and orders everyone else to go get Huaisang's mama, the other siblings/extended family members, and every healer and strong cultivator they have, because they can't hold out hope that Huaisang will hang on long enough for Lan Qiren and Wen Ruohan to arrive. They have to execute the saber preservation plan now and pray it doesn't destroy him for good.
It takes the entire rest of the day and almost all the way through the night to finish the ritual, and by the time it's done, Huaisang is more like a smoke wisp than a glow. Pretty much all of his family is in tears, but he's... smiling.
It worked. Generations of Nies will be able to use the pear tree as a place to cleanse their sabers when they start getting too demanding, and the pears to cleanse themselves.
His brother's alive. His parents are alive. His cousins are alive. He has a sister now. The war never started. He has no more regrets.
Realizing that they really are going to lose him now, Mingjue makes him promise he'll come back somehow, so that they can eventually reincarnate as brothers again.
And then he's gone.
Three months later, Mingjue turns thirty and takes on the sect leader role, his father being the first Nie leader ever to be able to peacefully retire.
Six years after that, a circus caravan is passing through, and is invited to perform for the locals in the courtyard of the Unclean Realms. Nie Xunyao is the first to notice something strange, and immediately goes to get Mingjue.
There's a small boy among the performers, caring for the trained bird flock with surprising ease. He's happy and healthy and greets Nie-zongzhu with a huge grin and an offer to hold one of the colorful parrotlets.
He has bright green eyes and a very familiar face.
#mdzs#nie sect#nie family#papa nie#huaisang's mother#mingjue's mother#nie mingjue#nie huaisang#jin guangyao#with a flap of wings#notes#outline#worldbuilding
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In the mood for...
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1. I’m in the mood for fics A) where WWX doesn’t want anything to do with LWJ and LWJ is the one chasing after him.
I am also looking for any B) fics where WWX comes back and instead wants nothing to do with the cultivation world. @bigmeatycl0ws
1A)
My chain hits my chest/When I’m bangin’ on the radio by x_los (T, 2k, wangxian, modern w/ magic, case fic, competence kink, YLLZ WWX) kinda
我的皇后是農民 | sowing seeds in the cold palace by sweetlolixo (E, 49k, WIP, WangXian, Imperial Palace, Emperor LWJ, Imperial Consort WWX, Farmer WWX, Angst, Romance, Wingman LJY, Wife-chasing-LWJ, Arranged Marriage, Best Boy A-Yuan)
12 of this itmf
1B)
Ad Oblivione by Baph, HikariNoHimeWriter (M, 70k, WangXian, Time Travel Fix-It, Temporary Character Death, Canon-Typical Violence, POV Multiple, Hurt/Comfort, Grief/Mourning, Identity Reveal, Golden Core Reveal, Cultivation World Critical, Not JC Friendly, Abusive YZY, Angst with a Happy Ending)
Lay my body down by tawaen (M, 48k, WWX & WQ, WWX & WN, wangxian, WWX & JYL, canon divergence, time travel, rogue cultivator WWX, no golden core transfer, not cultivation world friendly, not JC friendly, OCs)
Home isn't Where the Heart is. by Hauntcats (Not rated, 7k, wangxian)
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2. Hello hello! I’m in the mood for fics where BOTH of Wei Wuxian’s parents live — or, if one of them does die, fics where Wei Changze is the one who survives. There’s so many fics where WWX is raised by CSSR and I’m getting sick of it. BOTH parents, or single-father WCZ pretty please!
tall as the mountains that sheltered us by thelastdboy (M, 4k, CSSR/WCZ, CSSR & WWX & WCZ, wangxian, canon divergence, CSSR & WCZ live, crack treated seriously, childhood friends to lovers, genius WWX, inventor WWX, bg character death, happy ending, WCZ pov)
Cartwheels In Cloud Recesses Series by ShanaStoryteller (Not Rated, 23k, WangXian, CSSR/WCZ, CSSR and WCZ Live, Cloud Recesses Study Arc, Cloud Recesses Shenanigans)
Post Mortem by Cataclysmic_Calamity (E, 78k, WangXian, Modern AU, Psychological Horror, friends with benefits wangxian, they're both fucked up but they love each other so much, Slow Burn, Mystery, Unnegotiated Kink, Dom/sub, Anal Sex, Consensual Non-Consent, Stalking, Drug Addiction, Serial Killers, Angst with a Happy Ending) I would say Post Mortem counts except it’s Papa Wei/Jiang Fengmian after his wife die
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3. Hello! I'd like to make a request for ITMF! I'm really craving wwx becoming sect leader of yunmeng jiang! Has it been done? Yanli has weaker cultivation and is to be married out etc. Maybe the core transfer didn't work or never happened at all and wwx ends up the only one left with a core and able to lead? If anyone knows any fics with this premise and can recommend them, I will love you always ❤❤❤ @theladypeartree
The River Runs Forever by Cerusee (T, 185k, WIP, WangXian, SangLi, Badass WWX, Inventor WWX, Jiang/Nie sibling power quartet, Dead JC, Jiang Sect Leader WWX)
Trapped and Patient by Vrishchika (E, 18k, wangxian, canon divergence, non golden core transfer, JC has no golden core, slow burn, WWX & NMJ & LXC friendship, politics, WIP) This has exactly the premise but is an abandoned WIP. What is there is excellent and worth reading though.
Something From Nothing by sami (E, 55k, WangXian, XianLi, Minor QingLi, XiCheng, Canonical Character Death, Canonical Character Resurrection, Canon-Typical Violence, Canon Divergence, Assassin's Creed Fusion, Kinda, Assassin's Creed Vibes, Wangxian is endgame, Slow Burn, specifically for wangxian, no infidelity, no partner betrayal, Angst with a Happy Ending) It's a WWX/JYL and WWX/LWJ fic, not polyamory, and had really nice stories for other characters.
Twelve Moons and a Fortnight by stiltonbasket (M, 290k, WangXian, Humor, Slow Burn, Post-Canon Fix-It, Long-Distance Relationship, Epistolary, Love Letters, Family Feels, a-qing lives, teenage romance, Adoption, Romantic Comedy, Happy Ending, Weddings, Case Fic, Parenthood, Politics) this is post-canon but WWX does become Sect Leader Jiang (temporary, but with full powers)
💖 empty as the sky by incendir (T, 23k, wangxian, JYL & WWX, CSSR & WWX, be careful what you wish for)
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4. hello! thank you for all your hard work!! itmf for "straight" boy wwx suddenly (or slowly) realising that lwj is actually very attractive. if there's smut, preferably bottomji but i also like bottomxian!
hi! I'm ask number 4 in the latest fic finder. to answer the question, I don't particularly have a preference for modern or canon. the same goes for whether it's more serious or funny, just that "straight" boy wwx is there
for #4, do they want modern or Canon? also lots of the fics in the "straight boy Wei ying" tag sorta has this "oblivious ! Wei ying" , does the requestor want something in that bent or more serious ?
Hide Away by sassybluee (E, 19k, WangXian, Modern AU, Modern: No Powers, Compulsory Heterosexuality, Homophobia, Internalized Homophobia, straight boy WWX, straight boy LWJ, everyone’s convinced they’re straight tbh, LWJ FUCKS, WWX fucks, referenced but not shown for both of those, Reality TV, Love Island, Slow Burn, Getting Together, Drunk kiss, Shower Sex, Ambiguous/Open Ending, POV Alternating)
To See You (Again) by FrameofMind, Jo Lasalle (Jo_Lasalle) (E, 84k, wangxian, modern, London au, LWJ fucks, bottom LWJ, friends to lovers, self-discovery, pining, grindr, light bondage, experienced LWJ, less experienced WWX, straight boy WWX)
Our Song by gusucloudbunny (T, 15k, wangxian, modern, college/university au, straight boy WWX, bisexual WWX, heteronormativity, sexuality crisis, coming out to yourself, compulsory heterosexuality, fluff, friends to lovers, alcohol, music majors)
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5. In the mood for transmigrator/ modern world to canon era/ isekai/ real life to inside a novel - Wei Wuxian. @whateverweilanlovechild
So Call Me a Pessimist, but I Don’t Believe in It by Anonymous (Not Rated, 127k, WIP, WangXian, Food Issues, Family Feels, WWX is a music teacher, WN and WWX are Best Friends from the future, They use memes to talk covertly, Transmigrator WWX, transmigration au, Slow Burn)
i told you when i came i was a stranger by Caramelized (M, 50k, OFC/LXC, wangxian, canon divergence, isekai, transmigration, amateur cartography, butterfly effect, sunshot campaign, not everyone dies au, no golden core tranfer, dimension travel, politics, self-insert, foreknowledge, angst w happy ending) is my current favourite. It's not WWX as the MC but it's very good
Leveling Up Cultivation by DarkSylph (G, 72k, wangxian, LXC/WWX, JC/WWX, JZX/WWX, NMJ/WWX, WN & WWX & WQ, canon divergence, Harems, Jealousy, Genius WWX, Inventor WWX, BAMF WWX, WWX has a system, Bad Parent YZY, No Golden Core Transfer, Not Everyone Dies au, Everyone Loves WWX, Transmigrator WWX, Overpowered WWX, Oblivious WWX, Cinnamon Roll WN, Rogue Cultivator WWX, Age Progression, WWX is a Niè, WQ & WN joins the Nie Sect with their sibling, beast taming, spiritual beasts, Multiple Transmigrated Characters, Secret Realms, Dungeons, Monsters) It's not exactly what the asker wanted because wwx comes from a modern fantasy world.
A Game for the Fool by LadyCroft_Undead19 (T, 292k, wangxian, JYL/JZX, canon divergence, Gamer-fic, BAMF WWX, YilingWei, For Want of a Nail, Slow Burn, oc-self-insert, Unreliable Narrator, Massive World Building, Fluff and Angst, WIP) The second one is one of my favorite fics that I hope will update one day. Even if it's not finished and also not exactly what they asked for (because this time it's an OC that transmigrate), it's worth the read!
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6. ITMF modern office-au identity shenanigans? Like where one character doesn’t know the other is his boss, ou perhaps they work for rival companies but don’t know it, etc. Preferably WangXian or ChengXian! Thank you so much! (PS I just read “Hello, IT. Have You Tried Turning It Off and On Again?” by overmountainandmeadow and loved it! More like this please!)
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7. hey there ♡︎ for the next itmf could you share some fics where wangxian enlope, leave the cultivation world, go to the burial mounds or become rogue cultivators before post sunshot but before wwx's death?? thank you for the good work!
wide enough and wild by impossibletruths (E, 64k, wangxian, canon divergence, Getting Together, Canonical Accidental Baby Acquisition, Families of Choice, References to Depression, Canon-Typical Violence, Happy Ending, Noping Out Of Society With Your Boyfriend And Your 50 Wen Refugees: The Novel, Overzealous Use Of Imagery, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Well Except Wen Ning But He Was Already Dead So, Fix-It of Sorts, Podfic Available, Spanish Translation Available) they don't elope after sunshot but they do bail
the thread may stretch or tangle but it will never break by RoseThorne (E, 88k, WIP, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Soulmates, Self-Esteem Issues, Fix-It, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Nightmares, PTSD, Handfasting, Panic Attacks, Getting Together, First Time, Aftercare, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Torture, Scars, Chronic Pain, Golden Core Reveal, First Time, Switching, sex-related injury, LWJ Stays at the Burial Mounds, LSZ is a Wèi, Good Sibling JC, Dissociation, Burial Mounds Settlement Days) technically
Blossoming flowers in a full moon - 花好月圆 by ThisIsWhereTheMagicHappens (T, 64k, wangxian, canon divergence, happy ending, fix-it of sorts, wangxian cuddle to immortarility) they don't exactly become rogue cultivators, but they do leave the cultivation world behind
To live with no regrets Series by Lyna_Mei (E, 81k, WIP, WangXian, Fix-It of Sorts, Canon Divergence, Angst, Self-Esteem Issues, Golden Core Reveal, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Oral Sex, Developing Relationship, non-consensual marriage, CQL-Verse, Case Fic, Canon-Typical Violence, Established Relationship, Somebody Lives/Not Everyone Dies, Cultivation Sect Politics, Cultivation World Critical, Not JGY Friendly, Family Feels, Found Family, WWX Has a New Golden Core, Top/Bottom Versatile | Switch WangXian)
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8. Seeing the reblog of the last ITMF reminded me to send the ask! So, for the next one: fics where Lan Wangji is hooked just by how Smoking Hot Wei Wuxian is. Before anything else, he's just obsessed by his looks for a good while before actually being won over by his personality too.
Not the biggest fan of modern aus, but anything will do, I just want him being Very Gay and Very Shallow for a minute xD
Thank you so much for all the work!
~*~
9. ITMF a fic where LWJ's gay awakening was NMJ. It doesn't have to be the main plot, but I want it to be mentioned and acknowledged. Wangxian endgame, of course!
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10. ITMF for CQL post canon getting together fics? Something so fluffy and feel-good that you finish the fic with the biggest grin ever. I've been reading too much angst and now I need something to fill the hole that the angst left lol
❤️ The Absolutely True Story of the Yiling Patriarch: A Manifesto in Many Parts by aubreyli (T, 20k, wangxian, in-universe RPF, romance novel, post-canon fix-it, Mojo’s post)
Senseless by carolyncaves (T, 6k, wangxian, post-canon, fluff, little angst, pining, getting together, first kiss, oblivious WWX, wingman juniors)
Worth the Price by Minyoongiisacatuwu (T, 22k, wangxian, post-canon, rabbits, Getting Together, Slow Burn, Pining, Epistolary, Marriage Proposal JC & WWX reconciliation, Introspection, Fluff)
Something Unpredictable by airinshaw (E, 28k, wangxian, post-canon, Getting Together, Prophetic Dreams, Sharing a Bed, Pining, Misunderstandings, Fluff and Smut, Kissing, Anal Sex)
💖 Nice work if you can get it by deliciousblizzardshark (M, 11k, wangxian, protective LWJ, genius LWJ, post-canon, fluff & humor, getting together, chief cultivator LWJ)
Disaster on Four Legs by DrJLecter (T, 17k, wangxian, post-canon, Cursed WWX, Cat WWX, Light Angst, Humor, Happy Ending, LWJ pov, WWX pov, Good Kid LSZ, Good Kid LJY, Pining, Getting Together, Animal Transformation)
And these are all for you by Deastar (E, 4k, wangxian, post-canon, ABO, non-traditional ABO dynamics, omega LWJ, alpha WWX, WWX has self-worth issues)
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11. itmf con noncon wangxian please 🙏🏼 maybe with an extra flavor of yllz wwx too, but that's not important. thank you!
Honey Roast by uaevuon (E, 54k, wangxian, modern, BDSM au, dom LWJ, sub WWX, disability, HIV/AIDS, impact play, knifeplay, cock & ball torture, closeted character, implied self-harm, ageplay, matchmaker MXY, overstimulation, forced orgasm, S & M, sadism, masochism, body worship, consensual noncon, love confessions, blowjobs)
eating sugar out of your hand by azuresummer (E, 20k, WangXian, Modern AU, A/B/O Dynamics, Alpha LWJ, Omega WWX, A/B/O Roleplay, Dom/sub, Dominant LWJ, Submissive WWX, Established Relationship, Roleplay, Consensual Non-Consent, Under-negotiated Kink, degradation kink, Praise Kink, Light Bondage, Size Kink, Size Difference, Spit Kink, Hair-pulling, Daddy Kink, Slight Crossdressing, Lingerie, Creampie, Feminizing Language, Dirty Talk, Overstimulation, Prostate Milking, slight breathplay, Facials, Snowballing, Finger Sucking, Panty Kink, Spanking, Crying, Mentions of Face-Slapping, Drunk Sex, Mating Cycles/In Heat, LWJ and WWX Have a Breeding Kink, PWP)
chaos in becoming by HappyPrince (E, 4k, wangxian, modern, PWP, exes, getting back together, angst, unhealthy coping mechanisms, references to depression, consensual noncon, rough sex, spanking, spanking, cock slapping, spit, dom/sub, choking, not safe or sane, name-calling, verbal humiliation, objectification, degradation, multiple orgasms, subspace, possessive behavior, crying, rimming, asphyxiation)
Closer than my hands have been by Spodumene (E, 5k, wangxian, post-canon, established relationship, rough sex, dom/sub undertones, consensual noncon, hair-pulling, face-fucking, light bondage, spanking, cock slapping, jealousy, top drop)
love will stay tethered by typefortydeductions (E, 10k, wangxian, modern, getting together, consensual noncon, blowjobs, forced masturbation, trauma, self-discovery, kink negotiation, warnings in author’s note, first time, cuddling & snuggling, come eating)
alidade by spookykingdomstarlight (E, 12k, wangxian, modern, BDSM, consensual noncon, rape fantasy, rape roleplay, light bondage, objectification, sex toys, orgasm control, Somnophilia, Sex Tapes, Barebacking, Comeplay, Spanking, Humiliation, Praise Kink, Loss of Control, Pining, Lack of Communication, Possessive LWJ, Dom LWJ, overwhelmed LWJ, Sub WWX, Love Confessions, Mentioned LWJ/Others & WWX/Others, Pining while fucking, Safeword Use, Crossdressing, Aftercare)
strange kind of dream by typefortydeductions (E, 17k, wangxian, rape/non-con, canon divergence, everyone lives au, Getting Together, Love Confessions, Sparring, Sexual Roleplay, Rape/Non-con Elements, Consensual noncon, Kink Negotiation, Compulsory Heterosexuality, coming out to yourself, dubious coping mechanisms)
reap what you sow by matcha_ado (E, 4k, wangxian, fantasy au, royalty au, bottom LWJ, breeding kink, consensual noncon, marathon sex, overstimulation, prince LWJ, YLLZ WWX)
Mansion with a view by 74243, dustyloves (E, 10k, wangxian, modern, Gossip Girl fusion, Established Relationship, Dom/sub, Sugar baby fantasy, Verbal Humiliation, Under-negotiated Kink, Consensual noncon, Jiang Family Dynamics, american psycho LWJ)
Gentian ⋛ Jingshi by x_los (E, 4k, wangxian, Madam Lan/QHJ, Canon-Typical Violence, Implied/Referenced Domestic Violence, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Lan Family Backstory, Pseudo-Incest, Married Life, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, Established Relationship, BDSM, Dom/sub, Consensual noncon, Aftercare, Feminisation)
something so flawed and free by verseau (E, 59k, wangxian, modern, college/university au, Graduate School, Dom/sub, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Non-Sexual Submission, Kink Negotiation, Biting, Overstimulation, Cock Warming, Consensual noncon, Spanking)
Letterless by diamondbruise (E, 16k, WangXian, DragonJi/FoxXian, marriage proposals, Getting Together, Pining, Kinda Crackish though we treat that seriously here, Anal Sex, Consensual Non-Consent, Double Penetration in One Hole)
mercy, tear it down. by orange_crushed (E, 31k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Burial Mounds Settlement Days, Dual Cultivation, Light BDSM, In Which Wangxian Fumble Towards An Understanding of D/S Dynamics, Porn with Feelings, Recovery, Angst with a Happy Ending, Wangxian-Typical CNC Play, Aftercare, Slight Feminization (ie Wei Ying Keeps Saying ‘Wife’), True Love, Past LWJ/Other)
~*~
12. For itmf: Are there any fics where people think WWX dies like in canon, but he actually survives the fall from the cliff and secretly lives as a rogue cultivator for several years before being found? I basically want WWX alive and hearing rumors about his own death and/or helping in secret for the events that happen while he is “dead.” Thank you!
Hi! I just sent in an itmf asking for WWX to surviving his “death.” I wanted to clarify that I want everyone —like JC, LWJ, the Jins— to all think him dead. I want WWX to be the only one who knows that WWX is not dead. Sorry I didn’t add this to the first ask!
💖 Ghosts Shouldn't by ShanaStoryteller (Not rated, 15k, wangxian, canon divergence, grief/mourning, angst w happy ending)
The storm comes and goes (and I keep walking) by Naamah_Beherit (M, 41k, LSZ & WWX, WWX & WN, Canon Divergence, Found Family, Blood and Injury, Reunions, POV Multiple, Canonical Character Death, Canon Typical Violence, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Identity Reveal, POV Outsider, No Romance)
~*~
13. Hey friends! What's everyone's go-to wwx-centric hurt/comfort fic? When I'm feeling a little down I just really love to see wwx going through it and people caring about him and trying to help.
💖 总有一天; a place to hide (can’t find one near) by yiqie (E, 76k, wangxian, modern, getting together, mental health issues, suicide attempt, suicidal thoughts, depression, hospitals, overdosing, eventual happy ending, pianist au)
some things go forward by everythingispoetry (T, 73k, WangXian, Modern AU, Hospitals, Teenage Drama, Slow Burn, Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Happy Ending)
take my hand, will you share this with me Series by doodlebutt (E, 137k, wangxian, JC/WQ, modern, figure skating, hurt/comfort, pining, angst w happy ending, major character injury, recovery, getting together, past trauma)
Salt to the Sea by Starmins (M, 31k, wangxian, JYL & WWX, modern, grief/mourning, roadtrips, canonical character death, love & loss) have tissues ready
to the river of rivers by haysel (T, 27k, wangxian, post-canon, character study, pining, dissociation, getting together, misunderstanding, trauma, angst w happy ending, hurt/comfort)
out in the garden, there’s things you hid away by saltyfeathers (E, 121k, wangxian, post-canon, possession, animal death, mass death event, suicidal thoughts, suicide attempt, hurt/comfort, WWX centric, bodily fluids, serious injuries, angst w/ happy ending)
Come Around and Stay by trippednfell (M, 160k, wangxian, modern, slow burn, kid fic, found family, it gets worse before it gets better, PTSD, blood and injury, dissociation, trauma, angst w happy ending, musicals, alternating pov, JC & WWX reconciliation, hurt/comfort, panic attacks)
Red Flower With One Hundred Petals; Smoke Carried on the Blue Dusk Air by carolyncaves (T, 32k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Post-Sunshot Campaign, Alcohol, Mental Health Issues, Angst, Golden Core Reveal, Hurt/Comfort, thoughts of death/dying, Caretaking, Marriage Proposal, Wedding Fluff, Family Feels, Literal Sleeping Together, Shotgun Wedding, angry wedding planner JC, Yunmeng sibling drama and fluff, physical affection, Terrible Parties, Happy Ending, for WangXian)
the best of you by sysrae (E, 41k, WangXian, Modern AU, College/University, Angst with a Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Mutual Pining, Getting Together, slightly undernegotiated kink, but in a very soft and consensual way, Nightmares, Panic Attacks, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, JFM and YZY’s A+ parenting, Dysfunctional Family, Mental Health Issues, therapy is good actually, Reference to animal attacks/animal cruelty, descriptions of past violence)
Stars bring us apart (Stars pull us together) by Sixlayerhouse (sixlayerhouse) (E, 124k, WangXian, Hurt/Comfort, (Vaguely) Star Trek AU, Canon-Typical Violence, Psychological Trauma, PTSD, Body modifications, Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Recovery, married!wangxian)
To lurk, to lie in wait by trippednfell (M, 124k, WangXian, Modern with Magic, Huli Jing, strangers to co-parents to lovers, Strangers to Lovers, Dragons, Kid Fic, teenage juniors, background NieLan, Angst with a Happy Ending, Case Fic, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Not Really Character Death, Fox Spirit WWX, Dragon LWJ, Blood and Injury, Additional Warnings In Author’s Note)
build me no shrines by occultings (microcomets) (M, 54k, WangXian, Slow Burn, Mutual Pining, First Time, Getting Together, Confessions, Sharing a Bed, Hair Washing, Sentient Burial Mounds, Case Fic, Post-Canon, CQL Compliant, Hurt/Comfort, Whump, Light Angst, Flashbacks, mild body horror, foot washing, Happy Ending, Non-Sexual Intimacy, …then sexual intimacy, podfic available)
爱不释手; never let me go by yiqie (E, 68k, WangXian, All the clan leaders, Literally so many OCs, There are just lots of people, Case Fic, Blood and Injury, Demons, Body Horror, Mystery, The intrinsic horniness of wound tending, Yearning 2: The Electric Boogaloo)
this river runs to you Series by aubreyli, sundiscus (T/E, 66k, WangXian, Modern with Magic, Mutual Pining, Dragons, Literal Sleeping Together, Tender wound tending, First Time, Oral Sex, Coming Untouched, Porn with Feelings, Established Relationship)
Birthday Party by waffles_4_breakfast (E, 100k, wangxian, canon divergence, fix-it, Angst w happy ending, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Misunderstandings, Sharing a Bed, Getting Together, Pining, Canon-Typical Violence, Slow Burn, Poison, Torture, Requited Unrequited Love, First Time, Anal Sex, Anal Fingering, Rough Sex, Oral Sex, Come as Lube, Bondage, Dom/sub Undertones, Spit As Lube, Rimming, Consensual noncon, Safe Sane and Consensual, Additional Warnings In Author's Note)
🧡 Company by WithBroomBefore (T, 29k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Pre-Relationship, Getting Together, POV LWJ, Fix-It, Pre-Canon, at least to start, WWX goes to Cloud Recesses, But Not In The Usual Way, fear of character death, Everybody Lives, Hurt/Comfort, Happy Ending, Light Angst, good teacher LQR, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, brief discussion of past minor character suicide, Kitten, Not YZY Friendly)
~*~
14. in the mood for a fic where wwx is the unpopular student at school, while lwj is the popular one (basically the opposite of unpopular nerd lwj and popular student wwx)
~*~
15. For the next ITMF I was wondering if you could recommend Wangxian stories that have to do with one of them being some type of sea creature. I recently saw the comp that included the fic based off The Shape of Water movie so I’m in that mood now. It can be any type of sea creature, mermaid, half-octopus, or even full on different creature like in the one amazing fic every time we touch (i get this feeling) by celerydragon. I’ve read a few so I was wondering what the favorites are or if there are any new ones in spirit of MerMay recently passing that I possibly missed.
Do not waste your pearls for me by moonwaif (G, 9k, wangxian, fantasy au, mermaid LWJ, trauma, abuse, healing, unresolved romantic tension, Mojo’s post)
you’re a bird in the water / i’m a fish on the ground by plonk (Not Rated, 8k, WangXian, Merpeople, Canon Era)
in the deepest depths by lazy_lousy_lizy_jane (T, 3k, wangxian, F/F, cisswap, gender or sex swap, modern, lighthouses, selkies, minor violence, heist)
One for Heaven and Earth by cerbykerby (T, 7k, wangxian, canon divergence, supernatural elements, angst w happy ending, madam lan lives, getting together)
luminous by azuresummer (E, 26k, WIP, WangXian, Dom/sub Undertones, Dominant LWJ, Submissive WWX, Modern AU, A/B/O Dynamics, Dark LXC, Dark LWJ, Possessive LWJ, Protective LWJ, Crime Boss LWJ, Omega WWX, Siren WWX, Merperson WWX, Hurt WWX, WWX Whump, Precious WWX, Spoiled WWX, WWX Has a Fear of Dogs, Hurt/Comfort, Panic Attacks, Nesting, Scenting, Power Imbalance, Obsession, Kidnapping, Mild Gore, Minor Character Death, Excessive Amounts of Tenderness, Pining LWJ, Dark WangXian)
The Greatest Catch (meryao) Series by Shiome (E, 51k, XiYao, Modern AU, Mythical Beings & Creatures, Merpeople, Romantic Comedy, Meet-Cute, Cultural Differences, Courting Rituals, Xeno, Miscommunication, Happy Ending, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Shapeshifting, Blow Jobs, Non-Human Genitalia, Explicit Sexual Content, Interspecies Sex, Wedding Planning, Domestic Bliss, (And domestic troubles), Misunderstandings, Breeding, Breeding Kink, Eggs, Egg Laying, Service Top LXC, Power Bottom JGY, Feeding Kink, Mpreg) Would The Greatest Catch series by shiome count? It's technically Xiyao, but the second story does have WangXian with WWX as an octopus.
~*~
16. sorry for the long requests, feel free to ignore or divide it!! thanks for the heavenly work!!!
does anyone know any fics that A) resambles "if wishes where donkeys", as in time-travels fix it's where wangxian just want to be together no matter what?
B) also if anyone knows any fics where wwx actually becomes the lan-er furen, as in he is not only married to lwj but recognized as an authority in the lan sect and the cultivation world's gentry
C) + if anyone knows any fics that dive into wwx ancestry, that gives answers to wwx own questions about his parents that are never given in canon, or reveals that he is more than a servant or a servant's son not only buy merit but by blood, be it that he is from the gentry, baoshan sanren's grandson, mythical ancestry or even cross overs with mxxt other works
16B)
Into the Oubliette by Ruixx (M, 124k, WIP, wangxian, JYL/JZX, growing up, fix-it of sorts, time travel, arranged marriage, sibling bonding, adopted sibling relationship, light bdsm, sunshot campaign, war, politics, hostage JYL, visions, LXC redemption, good uncle LQR, empire building)
16C)
🧡 Stunted, Starving Juvenility by TomatenMark (E, 663k, WangXian, WIP, Fix-it of sorts, Talisman master WWX, Not JFM Friendly, Study Arc, Getting together, Fluff and Angst, Engagement) our beloved fic by tomatenmark dives into this somewhat
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17. For ITMF, looking for fics where LSZ either retains his memories (either partially or wholly) after being brought to CR, or regains them somehow before WWX's return, & has to deal with the effects (eg. trauma from losing his family & also intense distrust at the adults around him who preach about justice & truth while he knows they helped massacre innocents & are lying about WWX's actions) @thispatternismine
~*~
If you didn’t get an answer to your ask here, don’t forget to make use of @mdzs-kinkmeme and MDZS KINK MEME on Dreamwidth. Authors actually do use them for ideas. You may get what you order!***Your prompt doesn’t have to be kink! Fluff, crack, whatever - it’s all good!***
#wangxian#mdzs#wangxian fic recs#i'm in the mood for a fic#the untamed#wangxian fic search#wangxianficfinder#long post
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BIEGAJĄCE KOCURY
I ty motylku możesz czerpać potężny pakiet i szereg profitów z biegania razem z członkami naszego klubu!
@goalsdigger @carixq @fragilebabydolly @blubgloop @driffting
Profity to miedzy innymi:
spalone kalorie!!!! btw lepiej jest spalić 300kcal jedząc 600, niż zjeść 300 zamiast 600 - spalone kalorie są lepsze od takich z glodzenia sie lepiej dziala nasz metabolizm i lepiej ogólnie jest jeść więcej a ćwiczyć
zatzrymala ci się waga? - możliwe ze nie dasz rady mocniej zacisnąć sobie pasa i jeść jeszcze mniej (systematycznie bo przypomne że odchudzanie to jest proces i wymaga systematycznego podejścia oraz stabilnego - to ze bedziesz systematycznie jeść malo i bingować na zmiane nie da efektu odchudzającego moze dać ci bed albo extra kg np)
2. bieganie poprawia kondycje - otworzy cię to na ćwiczenia na macie oraz po prostu będziesz w lepszej kondycji
3. ciało człowieka gdy jest sprawne, wyćwiczone, silniejsze, szybsze czuje się po prostu wewnetrznie na jakimś bardzo fundamentalnym poziomie lepiej - nie jest to uczucie typu "wiem że jestem silny/szybki i dobrze sie z tym czuje" tylko samo bycie silnym i szybkim jest dobrym uczuciem nie świadomość tego - wieć na bardzo podstawowym poziomie czujecie sie lepiej jako wasze ciało
4. bieganie poprawia nastrój jak wiele innych form wysilku fizycznego (nie leczy depresji i jestem ostatni który choremu na depresje powiem zeby pobiegal i przejdzie) ale ma zajebisty wpływ na nastrój mimo wszystko - samo to że jakieś bieganie cos tak prostego moze nam dać boosta do nastroju jest ebin
5. bieganie to najprawdziwsze ana core - nic nie wygląda bardziej ana niż biegająćy sobie motylek tarrarara para papa - czy to motylek który polubił bieganie czy taki napędzany samonienawiścią - wyglądasz jak z teledysku lub z filmu to the bone - każde wyjście pobiegać doslownie spala troche tkanki tluszczowej z twojego ochydnego okropnego sadła!
6. Można biegać najczęściej jak tylko potraficie - pewnie lepiej miec minimum 1 dzien w tygodniu przerwy ale tak naprawde pewnie prędzej ograniczy was brak czasu, złe warunki na dworze (chociaz ja biegam w deszczu, gdy wieje, gdy jest zimno (co prawda od tygodnia bo zimą nie dawałem rady totalnie ale nadal jest przeciez zimno)), gdy jest gorąco (tlko musisz znac swoj organizm ze nie mdlejesz w upaly - jesli tak to w sierpniu biegaj wieczorem albo nawet ok 22 a nie o 14;00)
7. Jesli dajesz rade tylko 2 dni bo masz zajęcia w szkole albo nie masz sił - brawo!!!! że masz motywacje w te 2 dni i że dajesz rade - poza tym spodziewaj sie wzrostu sił i energi w ciagu dnia dzięki bieganiu - moze za jakis czas dasz radę dodać 3 dzień! ale to nie wyścigi więc biegaj ile chcesz nie patrz na innych
bieganie wymiata mi pomaga sie przebranie w stroj jesli mi sie nie chce wychodzic - jak juz go mam to by bylo mega mi glupio sie spowrotem przebrac w normalne ubrania, poza tym jak juz go mam ide do drzwi i wychodzę po prostu - schodzę na dół i wychodzę przed blok. A tam mnie (w stroju do biegania totalnie ulanego spaślaka świniaka ale trudno) widzą ludzie na uilcy i myślą "oho czlowiek który biega wyszedł biegać" wiec juz nie mogę zwrócić!!! Więć ruszam i kazdy krok stawiam z wielu powodów - zeby dobiec do końca, (jak mam juz wiecej sil to nie mam problemów z tym) ale wczesniej no to np sie motywuje tym ze jestsem "maratonczykiem" i musze dobiec do konca i inne takie dyrdymaly. Poza tym moje totalnie pierwsze wyjscia w sierpniu 2023 - musialem sie zatrzymać pierwsze 4 wyjścia naprzemian biegałem i szedłem. a potem juz biegałem calosc - tak szybko kondycja mi urosła (i pewnie tez po prostu sie nauczyłem biegać, to jak stawiać krok, jak szybko biec)
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Papa es reicht.
Ich stelle sicher, dass meine Tochter nie wieder so eine Note heimbringt.
Dad, that's enough.
I'm making sure my daughter never gets a grade like that again
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Alles was war – ein Blick in den Rückspiegel
Nun sind wir also auf der Zielgeraden. Und damit – und weil es sich zeitlich gerade fast perfekt ausgeht – möchte ich euch heute dazu einladen, auf das vergangene Jahr meines Lebens zurückzuschauen. Etwaige Parallelen dürft ihr danach selbst ziehen. Also, macht es euch bequem, nehmt euch ein paar Snacks – und los geht’s.
Winter 2023
„Das mit uns, das passt einfach nicht mehr.“
Diesen Satz glaube ich am Rosenmontag des vergangenen Jahres aus dem Mund des Mannes zu hören, der mir um 8.15 Uhr in unserem gemeinsamen Wohnzimmer gegenübersitzt. Auf der Couch, die er selbst bezahlt hat, und die er nie leiden konnte, weil lila keine schöne Farbe für ein Sofa ist. Trägt den dunkelblauen Mantel, den wir wenige Monate vorher noch gemeinsam in einem Designer-Outlet kurz hinter der holländischen Grenze gekauft haben. Dazu den unverhältnismäßig teuren Pullover, den wir vierzehn Tage zuvor gemeinsam in München gekauft haben. Auf der äußersten Kante sitzt er, als ob er nur zu Besuch wäre, guckt mich mitleidig an, und ich denke, nein, das kann nicht sein.
Du träumst.
Das hat er gerade nicht zu dir gesagt, der Mann, mit dem du seit sechzehn Jahren zusammen und seit zehn Jahren verheiratet bist. Der noch vor zwei Tagen auf der größten Karnevalsparty der Stadt mitten auf der Tanzfläche eine Knutscherei mit dir angefangen hat, die wir anschließend daheim fortgeführt haben. Und waren wir nicht erst gestern noch gemeinsam auf einem Kindergeburtstag? Nein, so ein Blödsinn, das hier, das passiert hier gerade nicht wirklich. Totaler Bullshit.
Und während ich noch darauf warte, dass dieser absurde Traum endet, fällt schon hinter ihm die Tür ins Schloss. Instinktiv schaue ich auf die Uhr: 8.32 Uhr. Siebzehn Minuten hat er für die Aktion gebraucht. Aha. Na dann.
Eine Stunde später setze ich mich an den Laptop. Homeoffice. Meine beste Freundin fragt an, ob wir später zum Karnevalsumzug wollen. Ich rede mich darauf raus, dass ich heute keine gute Gesellschaft sei.
Am Abend kommt er nach Hause. Ich setzte das Kind vor den Fernseher, folge ihm ins Schlafzimmer, wo er anfängt, eine Tasche zu packen. Ich frage ihn, ob das ein Scherz war. Nein, sagt er, kein Scherz. Er bleibt dabei.
Also koche ich das Abendessen, während er in den Keller zieht. Decke den Tisch, wir essen gemeinsam, räumen anschließend zusammen auf. Er bringt unsere Tochter ins Bett.
Anschließend sitze ich allein auf der Couch, starre meinen Ehering an. Rufe ihn im Keller an, frage, ob das jetzt wirklich meine neue Realität sein soll. Er bejaht. Ich lege auf und telefoniere anschließend zwei Stunden mit meinen Eltern.
Hello Darkness, my old friend, denke ich, als ich ins Bett gehe.
Und nun?
Die vier Wochen darauf sind die schlimmsten meines Lebens. Ich lebe unter einem Dach mit einem Mann, der noch konsequenter als zuvor alles hinter sich stehen und liegen lässt. Wohne einem Gespräch bei, in dem meiner Tochter von ihrem Vater erklärt wird, dass Mama und Papa sich nicht mehr liebhaben. Stimmt nicht, denke ich, nur du hast mich nicht mehr lieb. Ich hab dich lieb, vielleicht lieber, als jemals zuvor, bleibe aber stumm.
Ende März komme ich von einem sehr späten Pressetermin nach Hause, als meine Mutter anruft und mir sagt, dass mein Opa gestorben ist. Sie selbst wird eine Woche später operiert, weil sie wieder Krebs hat. Meiner Schwester steht ebenfalls ein größerer Eingriff bevor. Ja, sonst noch was, du Scheißjahr?
Zwischendurch bleibt mir die Flucht in die Münster-Storyline von Aww. Wenn gar nichts mehr geht, häufig nachts, und ich nicht weiß, wohin mit meinen Gedanken und Gefühlen, schreibe ich die Liebesgeschichte zweier Medizinstudenten auf. Habe Angst vor der Berlin-Timeline, aber die hat ja noch Zeit. Die wird mich schon früh genug einholen, wie ich annehme. Genauso wie mein reales Leben.
Anfang April hat er endlich eine Wohnung, und nach fast sechs Woche, in denen wir im eigenen Haus wie Falschgeld umeinander rumgelaufen sind, werfe ich ihn endgültig raus. Er zieht innerhalb von zwei Stunden aus. Zum Abschluss kommt er noch einmal ins Esszimmer und fragt, ob er den Fernseher – der mir gehört – mitnehmen darf. Ich stehe am Rande einer Existenzkrise.
Und dann ist er weg.
Sommer 2023
„Dein Zimmer ist leer wie die Stadt am Sonntagmorgen“, singen Fettes Brot Anfang Mai in der Halle Münsterland. „Schön wär’s“, raune ich meiner Freundin zu, die neben mir steht, und die lacht. Denn ja – schön wäre es.
„Ich ziehe nicht einfach die Tür hinter mir zu“, hat er gesagt – und dann genau das getan.
Die ersten Monate des Frühlings bis in den frühen Sommer hinein bin ich also damit beschäftigt, hinter ihm her zu räumen. Und was mich zuerst noch nervt, wird bald zu einem absurden Hobby: seine Bachelorarbeit? Scheinbar uninteressant, weg damit. Kaufvertrag unserer ersten Küche? Müll. Hochzeitsbilder? Ciao, ein paar wenige hebe ich für unsere Tochter auf. Ah, schau an, unser Bausparvertrag, den kündige ich doch mal direkt.
Irgendwann bin ich fertig. Kurz vor der Schlüsselübergabe – meine Eltern sind unsere Vermieter – rufe ich ihn an und bitte, mit dem Sprinter aus der Firma zu kommen und den Müll mitzunehmen. Ich hätte da ein wenig aussortiert.
Er kommt, lädt ein. Und schaut mich anschließend mit hochgezogenen Augenbrauen an. „Kommst du mit zur Müllverbrennungsanlage?“ – „Äh? Nein?“ – „Äh, doch? Das ist nicht nur mein Müll? Na gut, denke ich, einfach auch deshalb, weil mir die Kraft für irgendeine Diskussion fehlt. Also gesagt, getan, wir fahren gemeinsam zur Müllpresse. Unsere Tochter sitzt in der Mitte, trägt ihr Prinzessin Elsa Kleid und isst Quarkbällchen. Wenn das hier eine Serie oder ein Film wäre, denke ich, würde ich sofort umschalten.
Und dann fliegt alles, was ich aussortiert habe, in die Müllpresse. Wir reden nicht, wir werfen. Im Gegensatz zu ihm weiß ich, was er da wegschmeißt. Und so fliegen sie, die Kirchenblätter unserer Trauung, die Menükarten, die Reiseunterlagen vergangener Urlaube, die Babyschlafsäcke unserer Tochter, die Steuerunterlagen aus dem Jahr 2010.
Es ist absurd. Und befreiend.
Im Juni fliege ich für eine Woche nach Sardinien, allein mit meiner Tochter. Sitze früh morgens am Gate und frage mich ernsthaft, ob ich vielleicht bescheuert bin. Was ich mir wohl denke, und was sein soll, wenn hier irgendwas schief geht. „Du machst jetzt gar nix. Und da geht auch nix schief. Du steigst jetzt ins Flugzeug, und ihr macht euch eine schöne Woche“, lautet der Rat aus einer bestimmten Chatgruppe, und den befolge ich.
Es soll die beste Woche des gesamten Jahres für meine Tochter und mich werden.
Am Tag unserer Rückkehr verkündet mein Mann, dass er eine neue Freundin hat. Aha, hat sie den Sprung von der Affäre zur Freundin also doch noch geschafft. Interessant. Glückwunsch.
Da ich logischerweise den weiteren Verlauf von Aww kenne, verabschiede ich mich in die Pause. Aus der ich, so denke ich, mit an Sicherheit grenzender Wahrscheinlichkeit nicht noch mal zurückkommen werde.
Herbst 2023
Der Sommer vergeht. Ich verbringe Zeit mit meinem Kind, aber auch mit meinen Freunden, besuche Schützenfeste, Dorfpartys und eine Menge Konzerte. Unsere Tochter wird eingeschult, betretenes Schweigen auf dem Schulhof. „Machen wir noch ein Bild zusammen, als Familie?“ – „Familie. Selten so gelacht. Aber ja, bitte, lass uns ein Foto machen.“
Ich arbeite viel, komme gefühlt zu nichts. Daheim bekomme ich zwei neue Badezimmer. Der Rasen muss gemäht, die Wäsche gewaschen, die Bude geputzt werden. Ich stelle Möbel um, mitten in der Nacht. Und auch sonst läuft mein Leben fantastisch.
Zwischendurch öffne und schließe ich immer wieder die Dateien von Aww. Soll ich? Soll ich nicht? Ich soll, sagen die Reviews und Nachrichten.
Also dann, denke ich. Wer weiß, vielleicht macht es die Sache ja nur noch realistischer und authentischer. Und selbst wenn nicht, macht das Schreiben vielleicht wenigstens den Kopf frei.
Winter 2023/2024
Meine Tochter geht gerne zur Schule, lernt rasch. Ist aufmerksam und empathisch und fröhlich und mein Ausgleich zu allem anderen. Mein Anker, mein Ruhepol. Der Teil meines eigenen Herzens, der auf dem Bürgersteig vor mir herläuft.
Zu Weihnachten bekommt sie von mir das erste Harry Potter Buch, und seitdem verbringen wir gemeinsam eine Menge Zeit in Hogwarts. Wir schauen Filme, kochen und backen. Als ich es an Heiligabend immer noch nicht geschafft habe, die restliche Deko aufzustellen, übernimmt sie das für mich. Sie muss mich nur anschauen und weiß, wie es mir geht. Und sie fragt nicht, sie handelt. Ich versuche, sie vor den meisten Dingen zu bewahren, aber unsere Verbindung ist zu eng dafür. War sie immer schon, aber sie ist noch enger geworden seit der Trennung. Sie erklärt mir in einem Nebensatz, in der allmorgendlichen Hektik, dass sie weiß, dass ich ihre Mama bin. Und keine andere Frau das jemals sein wird. Ich gehe ins Badezimmer, mache die Tür hinter mir zu und heule. Wir kommen deshalb fast zu spät Schule, aber was soll’s.
Nachts schaue ich sie an und frage mich, was und wo ich ohne sie wäre.
Auf dem Weg zum Co-Parenting
Wenn der Mensch, der dir fast 20 Jahre näherstand als jeder andere, einfach geht, nimmt er einen Teil von dir mit. Und dieser Teil ist für immer verloren.
Wir haben uns gestritten, persönlich, am Telefon, per WhatsApp. Rechtsanwälte wurden eingeschaltet, Unterhaltszahlungen berechnet. Es gab Schuldzuweisungen, Beschimpfungen, Vorwürfe.
Aber, das alles – zu jeder Zeit – außerhalb der Kinderohren. Verabschiedung im Flur unseres ehemals gemeinsamen Hauses, ich wünsche ihr viel Spaß mit dem Papa, obwohl ich genau weiß, dass sie heute Abend bei einer mir völlig fremden Frau übernachten wird. Die ihr die Nägel lackieren und Zöpfe flechten und sie am nächsten Tag vielleicht sogar zur Schule bringen wird. Mit diesen Gedanken im Hinterkopf beiße ich die Zähne zusammen, und kaum, dass die Haustür hinter ihr und ihrem Vater ins Schloss gefallen ist, greife ich zu meinem Handy und nehme eine wütende Sprachnachricht auf. Acht Minuten lang, voller Beschimpfungen, für meine beste Freundin.
Dennoch – das Kind gehört nicht zwischen die Fronten. Sie darf bei der neuen Freundin ihres Vaters reiten? Prima, viel Spaß. Sie bringt Sachen mit, die sie dort gebastelt hat? Na, das hast du aber toll gemacht. Danke dafür. Mein Ego leidet, natürlich. Aber das ist mein Problem. Ich möchte ein glückliches Kind, und keine Feindbilder erschaffen. Koste es, was es wolle.
Die erste Zeit war schwierig. Oft war er nicht verfügbar, mit allen möglichen anderen Dingen beschäftigt, die plötzlich wichtiger waren als sein Kind.
Aber, heute, ein Jahr später, ist es okay. Noch nicht gut, aber so wenig er am Anfang da war, so sehr ist er es jetzt. Er ist und bleibt ein guter Vater.
Wir schaffen es mittlerweile, uns auf einer neutralen Ebene zu begegnen – mit kleinen Ausreißern. Manchmal ruft er an, weil er mir etwas erzählen möchte, was nur ich verstehe. Weihnachten klagt er über seine anstrengende Familie, ich weise darauf hin, dass ich mit den Leuten nichts mehr zu tun habe. Er lacht und sagt, dass er mich beneidet.
Wir lieben uns nicht mehr, nicht im klassischen Sinne.
Und trotzdem habe ich noch ein Zitat für euch, was euch – sehr ähnlich oder genauso – in der nächsten Zeit noch einmal begegnen wird: „Ich werde immer sauer auf ihn sein. Aber er ist der Vater meines Kindes.“
Will sagen – diese Verbindung, die werden wir nicht verlieren. Nicht, solange wir beide leben, ganz egal, wie alt unsere Tochter ist.
Diese Verbindung ist sehr speziell und mit keiner anderen zu vergleichen.
Und lieben, lieben werden wir uns auch immer, auf irgendeiner Ebene. Weil wir für immer eine besondere Position haben werden für den jeweils anderen – egal, wie oft wir übereinander schimpfen oder sauer sind.
Danke
Das vergangene Jahr war eine Reise. Vor allem zurück zu mir selbst.
Mein ständiger Begleiter: Aww – und ihr.
Diese Reise wird nun also innerhalb der nächsten Wochen zu Ende gehen – und ich möchte euch danken.
Für jedes Review, jede Diskussion, jeden Shitstorm, jede Nachricht.
Dafür, dass ihr diese selbsterfüllende Prophezeiung genauso liebt und hasst wie ich.
Dafür, dass ihr nicht nur Team Klako, Team Joko oder Klaas seid, sondern auch Team Jens und Team Amelie. Oder auch schon mal Team Thomas Schmitt.
Danke für die ungebrochene Liebe, die ihr dieser Fanfiction entgegenbringt, und die mich niemals nicht verlegen machen wird.
Danke.
Wir lesen uns.
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21.04
Ostatni dzień udawania ze jem. Jestem znowu u siebie i bedzie glodowka, plan mam schudnac jak najwiecej tylko sie da do majowki, czyli fast az naprawde bede potrzebowac fizycznie mocno jedzenia a nie bo sobie wymyslam. Start niedziela 16:20 🤍
Papa motylki
#bede motylkiem#będę motylkiem#disordered eating cw#disordered eating mention#eating disoder trigger warning#lekka jak motyl#motylki any#pamiętnik motylka#lekka+jak+motyl
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