#new ask game: send me anon hate but make it targeted
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I think the conversation has been side-lined a bit too much and sort of devolved into a bit of a screaming match.
But I think what people don't get is regardless of the use of "narcissism", who coined it, or why — effectively, when it's used in a negative light either to mean plain asshole or abuser, what's happening is "othering" and dehumanisation. Another anon described it as drawing a line "I'm here, and you're there." That rings true.
In a "they do this because they're narcissistic, I can't do this because I'm not."
The thing is, the conflation of "narcissism" and NPD is unavoidable. No matter how you mean the word when you use it, there's no way you can avoid that conflation. Both based on historical precedence, and the way in which the stigmatisation and ableism against NPD functions.
We're not talking in the abstract here, either. If you google narcissism or NPD then google would be filled with results on "how to spot a narcissist" and "how to avoid a narcissist".
Because I'm doing my masters within the psych field (psychotherapy), I can also tell you that it doesn't stop there. Our books perpetuate the ableism, often by framing NPD's (and honestly other Cluster B's) symptoms in a negative light. When the people who are meant to treat you and support you hate you, there's a new kind of dread.
I've heard mental health professionals say awful things like, "If you find a cure for those people, you tell me." And, "Do you really believe they can be treated / get better?" It's often baseless because when I ask whether they've ever interacted with a narcissist, I get some variation of, "In my x years of therapy/psychiatry/whatever I've never had a narcissist come to me and ask for treatment (or seen/heard of it with others/friends/colleagues)." Gee, I wonder why.
Hell, if you go to places specifically meant for narcissists they regularly get raided, or get ableists in them telling them they're irredeemable assholes, liars, gaslighters etc not to make mention of the suicide baiting.
If you think it stops there? Hah, no. There are places dedicated specifically for ableism against NPD. Admittedly those are usually "narc abuse" spaces, but regardless, just to give an example, back when I was on quora (and quora sends you emails of questions/spaces you may be interested in) my email was flooded with quora question emails, from the top of my head I can recall, "How to deflate a narcissist?", "Can a narcissist love?", "What hurts narcissists forever?", "Why do narcissists play their 'games'?" and that's just off the top of my head.
If you go to YouTube and look up "Narcissism" there, most of the videos you'll find will be by "Dr.Ramani" whom is presumably a clinical psychologist. The harm she's caused alone is immeasurable. Her entire channel is dedicated to ableism against NPD, from conflating narcissism with abuse, to "how to spot/avoid/deal with a narcissist" and all the content of these videos are just... plain ableist. Particularly the "how to deal with a narcissist" ones, you do not... deal with a narcissist by not accommodating their symptoms and purposefully making them worse. Not to mention the false dichotomy she's pushing where it's "narcissist versus empath", in which "empaths" are the most targeted by those evil scheming narcissists (and I cannot stress that there is no scientific or psychological basis for "empath" which is separate from hyperempathy, a symptom of several disorders, including BPD that many struggle with. And if she meant that, then it's even worse because then her portrayal of said symptom is just plain offensive — can you tell I'm pissed off about this?) and she hosts workshops on this bullshit!
To get us back on track, what we fail to recognise in these conversations is that NPD is not just "heavily stigmatised" or "just gets a higher percentage of ableism" or however else it is we've framed this. NPD is a villanized disorder.
(Also, Note: I've seen another ask mention something along the lines of "born with NPD", people aren't born with NPD. Sure, you may be genetically predisposed to have NPD but that doesn't cause you to have it, it just increases the likelihood that when faced with certain circumstances, you'll develop it. At the end of the day, NPD is a disorder the develops as a result of trauma, and the type of trauma also affects the development and how it's differentiated from other personality disorders.)
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facts about me that you could state to my face that would hurt more than that ask did
I own three copies of Okami HD, and have beaten exactly zero of them
I paid $40 for Balan Wonderworld, knowing full well that any enjoyment I drew from it as a game would be ironic, and I plan to spend another $10 on the novel so I can be mad about the fact that approximately two percent of the story actually made it into the game
I played Kingdom Hearts as a kid and was attracted to Zexion, and given I am currently attracted to another edgy squenix bastard with emo hair in the form of Therion Octopathtraveler, my taste has apparently not changed since I was ten
I played Sonic 06 and thought it wasn’t terrible
I learned and did a partial speedrun of PMD Red Rescue Team for the sake of getting on someone else’s Let’s Play of the remake
I tried streaming once, only to have to stop because my capture card ate my sound card
The last week and a half of my Spotify history is comprised almost entirely of the Persona 5 soundtrack and various covers of those songs
I’m a furry who can’t even decide on his own fursona’s species or design
I spend so much time reading Nuzlockes, challenge runs of Pokemon games, games for children, I was brought on as staff of the official forums
I do the aforementioned work as Nuzforums staff knowing full well that it is a volunteer position while I am unemployed in real life
I watched the Kirby anime as a kid instead of doing my schoolwork. Years later, I plan to rewatch it in its entirety instead of seeking employment
I voted for Bandana Waddle Dee in the Smash Ballot
On that topic, I’m a Kirby main! I played through the entirety of World of Light using only Kirby! Like, I love Kirby, but who the fuck mains him unironically like that? I don’t even do that strat of succing your opponents and spitting them out over the blast zone where they can’t recover or taking them down with you, like, cmon
I was in anime club in high school
Despite owning it, I’ve never played Among Us, but I still watch other people play it regularly
I didn’t realize the Guardians of Ga’hoole series was a WW2 allegory until I read the TV Tropes page in high school
I got into Kingdom Hearts for the Final Fantasy stuff, and yet to this day the only Final Fantasy game I’ve ever beaten was the DS rerelease of Final Fantasy III
I 100%ed Breath of the Wild less than three weeks after it released, and proceeded to help various streamers do the same, because I had literally nothing better to do with my time
As a teenager I uploaded two mashups, one of All Star and In The End, the other of All Star and Lonely Rolling Star, to YouTube because in the summer the only device I had to get online with was a Nintendo 3DS, I wanted to be able to listen to them year round, and my 3DS would not play Soundcloud uploads
I’m currently making a mashup of the Balan Wonderworld credits theme and Wonderwall
I think Pokemon peaked in Gen V and I trust Spike Chunsoft with the series more than I trust modern GameFreak
I have owned literally every Animal Crossing game except Amiibo Festival, but I do still own Amiibo from the sets released for it
I’m still waiting for Pikmin 4!
I’m still waiting for another real Chibi-Robo sequel!
I’ve still not beaten the prior games in the series despite owning them, but I’m still waiting for Bayonetta 3!
I dip dill pickle spears in chocolate pudding Snack Packs and I enjoy it
I know all the lyrics to the opening of Pichu Bros. in Party Panic, that anime special that was viewable exclusively on Pokemon Channel
I plan to romance Ann in my first playthrough of Persona 5 Royal purely for the sake of cucking the cat. I do not plan to do this because I dislike Morgana, but simply because I think it would be funny
I say KEKW, Pog, OMEGALUL, and Sadge in real life, with my actual human mouth
I have spent money on microtransactions for mobile games
I bought well over a dozen packs of the Unbroken Bonds Pokemon TCG expansion in an attempt to obtain a rainbow rare Reshiram & Charizard GX. I found zero of them
Until earlier today, when I cleaned out my drawers of old clothes I no longer wear, I owned two Big Bang Theory shirts. Instead of burning them like a reasonable person, I donated them to my local Goodwill for some other poor fool to find
At the age of 23, I still cannot swim
I’ve gotten used to every other bug in my house, including the bees in the walls and the stinkbugs who refuse to just stay outside, but whenever I see a silverfish I consider committing arson
I collect dice but do not play D&D or any other TTRPG, I just think they’re neat
I’m too physically weak to take apart a PS4 controller
I haven’t ridden a bike in a decade, and at this point if I tried I would probably fall over or ride uncontrollably into the street and be hit by a car
I still have art on my wall of a Pokemon character I made in sixth grade at the absolute latest
I buy sketchbooks despite not drawing traditionally literally ever
I cannot draw on a normal tablet, because I look at my hands instead of the screen, and so I had to buy a 2-in-1 laptop to do art
I bite my nails
I compulsively pluck the hairs from my legs
Despite compulsively plucking the hairs on my legs, I cannot be bothered to do the same for the ones that have grown into a unibrow
When I was a child a goose whacked me with its wing
I’ve been bitten by two dogs, one of which bit me twice
Despite domesticated animals hating me, I’m the world’s worst Disney Princess, having taught a grey catbird to recognize Zelda music and having watched the entirety of Avatar the Last Airbender with a baby mourning dove perched in the bush outside the window watching with me
I spell grey grey instead of gray despite being American
I’m American
I’m still on tumblr in 2021
do with this information as you will
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How Illumi, Hisoka, and Chrollo would react to their S/O in the hospital
Hi, anon! You are welcome to join my Discord Server if you are a fan of Hxh, Voltron, or both! I promise this is a safe environment! This is an interesting topic for sure! To the other anon(s), I am working on your request! This will contain both fluff and angst. I forgot to include Leorio in this, so I’ll include him in the next HxH post. You’ll have to forgive me, I have 2 more requests in my inbox and I am not feeling the best. I just got my second Covid shot and it is hurting like hell. Nevertheless, I encourage you all to get your shot if you can. I will be on this site one and off and I should be on it for real next week. I have run out of ideas to write and I began to think I was annoying people with my HxH content (no one said this I just assumed). This post has 1974 words. After these requests are finished, I plan on doing a character analysis for Leorio.
Anyway, let’s get into the post!
We’ll start with Hisoka this time.
Hisoka
In all honesty, this man has heard of a hospital (since he sends a lot of people to it after fights) but has never been in one.
The signs, floors, staircase numbers, and elevators all confuse him. He has only been in one once when he was a kid and has never been again.
He isn’t a social butterfly in this setting because this is a professional establishment and not a college party. Asking for directions takes quite a toll on him because of his established pride. You know guys act when they want to find a destination on their own and will go miles out of the way instead of just asking for direction.
He doesn’t talk to anyone; all he wants to do is find you and make sure you are alright.
He is the tallest person in the freight elevator. So tall that everyone at turns to look at him at once for at least 10 seconds and turn back around surprised.
“How tall is he,” one of the nurses ask.
“Tall enough to be my house!”
This annoys him. He takes out the Joker card and lays it against his thigh but realizes he cannot make any hasty decisions. His bloodlust was activated merely out of irritation and not by threat. You were on his mind and destroying these worthless humans wasn’t an option for today.
He approached the guest desk and waited for about 2 minutes before he was acknowledged.
“May I help you,” a smug receptionist asked. Wow, these people do not know who they’re talking to.
“I’m here to see y/n.”
“Y/n is in room 345. Go down the hall and to the right all the way down.”
This man nearly ran with a quickness! His jester shoes somehow made the floor shake as he ran.
You were awake, eating the horrible food the hospital provided and watching TV. It seemed like you were doing ok, but you had just been in a car accident. Your arms and right leg were still sore. It was so bad that you’d be fine with Hisoka carrying you everywhere.
When you two are alone in serious public places, he doesn’t play games or tricks. He is often portrayed as a ruthless man, but in settings like this, he places the jokes and games aside for later. When he enters your room, he is silent for 30 seconds. Much too long. He was shocked; he walked around your hospital bed, pulled up a chair, and stared at your cast. It had many names written on it.
“Yes, I am ok.”
“I apologize for not being there for you,” he began to say.
“Shh… it’s ok. This is life. It hurts like hell, but I’m a trooper!”
Admiring your cast and its multiple fonts of handwriting and messages, he grabbed a sharpie marker, wrote his name, with a heart and spade next to it. Surprisingly, his cursive was very neat and legible.
“I didn’t know you knew how to write in cursive! Why don’t you write me letters?”
“I see you every day and it hurts my hand.”
The doctor wouldn’t be in for another 1 ½ hours, so Hisoka used your thigh as a pillow as he took a nap. He had been up for countless nights thinking about you. He was screwing up so bad, Chrollo let him leave early.
“As soon as your better, we will fight again. I won’t go easy on you. You won’t be in the hospital but you get the jest.”
Illumi
Illumi isn’t the type of man to overreact in these types of situations. When you both agreed to date each other, you knew you all were tough cookies. You were aware of the dangers of dating an assassin and he knew about the dangers of dating a bounty hunter. People hated you both and you targeted.
One night you both were caught in a vulnerable state. While you both enjoyed chocolate milkshakes at a laid-back 1950’s styled diner, two men were previously thrown out for fighting. While your back was turned one of those men shot your arm, causing you to carelessly throw your body to the ground due to impact.
While everyone else was screaming, Illumi jumped to the ground and tied his hair tie around your arm to temporarily stop the bleeding.
“Illu, why does it feel cold in here,” you managed to breathe out.
His heart dropped to his stomach for the first time in history.
“Don’t say things like that!”
Illumi is already horrible at displaying emotions, but all he could do is frown in fear. Once the EMS came barling in, he demanded that he ride with you.
Illumi hadn’t experienced anything like this since Killua had been injured when he fell from a tree.
You and he were separated when you were rushed into surgery leaving him alone in the waiting room.
When Illumi is stressed and cannot properly display how he feels, he tends to act in “odd” ways.
He begins to furiously turn pages in magazines or bother the receptions every 2 minutes about the status of your surgery. When the woman finally says that you’re still alive, he tones it down a little.
Illumi is open to conforming advice from strangers; he has been receiving it secretly from strangers. Since Silva was busy abusing him, he often found comfort from “the streets”.
He has a bad habit of pacing back and forth and fidgeting in his seat while horrific images fill his mind. All he has seen is pain and even though he was used to it, he didn’t want you to go through it as well.
While sitting in his seat (finally!) and head in his lap, doubled over indescribable sorrow, a little girl walks up to him with her hands folded and a doll under her arms. Illumi feels her presence and looks up. The girl’s curly hair covered her endearing eyes and her smile is wide.
“They’ll be alright. I just know they will,” turning around returning to her mother, the girl said with confidence.
On cue, Illumi placed his hand over his heart, smiling just a little.
He walked quickly to your room once you were out of surgery.
His speed walk mimics one of a soldier; his left arm in since with his right leg. His shoes echoed throughout the hall.
As soon as he enters the room, he shuts the door harder than usual and gives you a tight embrace. This surprises you! You’re lucky if he lays his head on your shoulder!
Illumi had been working out lately. He wanted to beat you in the “squish the melon” contest. He is very competitive and even if he lost, that doesn’t hurt his ego. Not in the slightest. Since it was just the both of you alone, he bends down to hug you tight, so tight that your face is squished against his.
This behavior is only surprising because he usually doesn’t coddle you even when you get hurt, but this time he realized that you could have died from the gunshot wound.
After that he kissed your forehead and almost simultaneously the doctor barreled in just missing the sweet moment between you and your beau.
Chrollo
When Chrollo is holding meetings with the Phantom Troupe, he always appears to be neutral. That is very important. A leader has to show strength even through the worst/hurtful times of their lives.
Chrollo had gotten a call from Nobunaga that you had gotten hurt on a mission and had actually gotten captured by the enemy. Phinks was able to get you back but you suffered horrible injuries.
This is protocol; they do this for any of the members. The troupe was oblivious to the fact that you and Chrollo were dating. They thought you were here to replace Uvo.
In situations like this, he is calm on the outside but screaming on the inside. Common sense will tell you if you are startled by the news you’ve just received and you begin to drive, you could cause more harm on the way to your destination.
Chrollo is very silent; he doesn’t call to check on your status or anything; he would rather see it for himself.
You were a trooper! After all, you are dating a dangerous robber.
Chrollo already knew what room you were in so he just went.
“I knew I should have kept y/n by my side. Y/n insisted on doing my dirty work that they almost died! How foolish could I have been?” He constantly cursed himself for letting his guard down with you.
He always gave you room to think and complete your own tasks but he can’t help his protective nature; one he has for the troupe but times 10.
His childhood friends had been shot by law enforcers, his home was horrific, and the last thing he needed was for you to be gone. You were keeping him afloat in society.
When he opened the door, Phinks was sitting in a chair, one leg over the other, laughing at a TikTok video.
Nobunaga on the other hand was watching the world news and seemed invested that he didn’t hear Chrollo enter the room. Once they both saw, they stood to their feet.
“Y/n is ok boss. They suffered a few cuts and burns, but they're breathing.”
Chrollo’s straight face remained as he stared at you.
Chrollo’s silence is something the troupe has internalized as a sign of anger, rage, or both. When he didn’t speak and just stared, everyone knew that their next mission was going to be a brutal one.
Chrollo is a man that isn’t afraid to express how he feels. He could cry right now if he wanted to and no one would dare laugh at him or insult him. After all, Nobunaga cried when he realized Uvo was dead.
Nobunaga and Phinks excused themselves as they saw him place his hand over his mouth.
Once the door closed, He pulled up the chair, grabbed your hand, and gently squeezed it. His warmth woke you up instantly and you turned your head. You winced in pain causing Chrollo to jump from his seat, moving to your right side so you wouldn’t turn your head too much.
“I’m glad you're alive, darling. What were you doing putting yourself in danger? Feitan could have handled the beast!”
He isn’t trying to doubt your ability to fight, he’s just concerned for your safety. Even so, why would he insist that you join the spiders?
A tear dropped from his face as he silently kissed your hand three times. You smiled warmly and placed your right left hand on top of his.
“I am fine, boss. You need not worry. I’m a trooper, remember?”
He placed your hand against his dry cheek and continued to kiss it. You were his lifeline and he wanted to spend every moment with you.
#hisoka morow#hunterxhunter#hunter x 2011#hunter x hunter#illumi zoldyck#hxh 1999#hisoka#chrollo lucilfer#chrollo#hxh illumi#illumi#hisoka morrow x reader#hunter x hunter x reader#hunter x hunter x you#hunter x hunter x y/n#illumi x reader#illumi x y/n#illumi x you#chrollo x y/n#chrollo x oc#chrollo x reader#chrollo x you#hxh headcanons#hxh imagines#hxh chrollo#hxh x reader#hxh 2011#gon hxh#hxh fanart#y/n
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Have a sketch prompt you’d like to see? Send me an Ask!
Anon sketch prompt -> here, asked about TMA endgame speculations. And, ho boy, I do have a lot of them. Though I think I managed to get the core theories down.
Going to break this into three broad categories: Together, Apart and Fade Away.
Together:
There are a couple of ways that these two could remain together. 1) they can’t turn the world back and just have to deal with permanent Eyepocolypse. This would mean that Gertrude was right on the tape, that a change of this magnitude can’t be undone. I don’t think this is likely because Jonah was the one that sent the tapes to Jon. He’s going to try and play as many mind games as he can to keep the watcher’s crown in his place. A way out of that would be to make a new ritual to remake the world as best they could (if Jonny wants to give his characters a way out at all). They could also flat out end the world and everyone’s suffering. After all, it is a tragedy.
2) Martin does what Peter Lucas tried to set him up for in the first place and Kills Jonah’s body, taking his place. (I’m personally obsessed with this idea). I think it is likely that Jonah chose Martin to be the replacement for Elias’s body (being that he targeted people with few attachments and were underestimated). Until Lucas took an interest in Martin that is. Martin probably is holding a lot of blame for the eyepocolypse too, being that he could have Killed Jonah right then and there and stopped any of this from happening. There is probably a lot of fear that Lucas was probably being serious with having Martin stop Beholding’s ritual. Or, we could, potentially, lose Martin as we know him. That would definitely screw Jon up pretty bad. Or Martin might be equal in power to Jon. Do think it’s likely that Martin will surprise us again.
3) Twisted: where their trials become to much. They break under the horror of it all and give in to the fear and power. Martin may take Jonah’s spot with a bit of friendly murder and they take up residence in the Watcher’s tower. Maybe Martin refuses to let go of Jon; holding on to the promise of not letting bad things happen to him. Don’t think it’s likely given Jon’s stubbornness and Martin’s steadfastness, but it’s fun :D
I can see them going into more grey moral areas though, and it will be really interesting to see how they deal.
Apart:
Even as an avatar, Jon had been able to go through Helen’s doors. Now? He’s far more powerful than a mear avatar. The old world may not be able to handle someone like Jon. If they manage to create a new pocket dimension to force the fears into, Jon might be dragged along with them. Martin being unable to stop any of it.
This could also be separated by death. Most likely Jon’s. (In one of the Q&A sessions, Jonny mentioned that things would be “especially bad for Martin”) This makes me believe that he will live on after the season 5 finale. Also, the death of the narrator would make for a defined end.
Fade Away:
Following the trail of fear crumbs, I believe that this is the most likely of outcomes. It would give Martin time to say goodbye to Jon. It would give them a respite, and a few more tender moments before Jon collapses in on himself. Jon has mentioned before that he doesn’t want to be a forgotten mystery (I believe this was in the Library of Alexandria episode), but after everything said and done, maybe being a mystery isn’t so bad when compared to an Apocalypse. I’m imagining two types of fade-away scenarios.
1) Relating to Mikaele Salesa’s safe house. Jon just crumbles both mentally and physically in the normal world. Leaving Martin as a caretaker until Jon dies. I HATE this one. Give me blood, murder, bloody worms, but don’t let Jon forget Martin. Damn it! This may occur if Jon does something like blind himself and cut off all connection from Beholding. “Could you even survive at this point?” Martin had asked in season 4, and Jon didn’t have an answer.
2) John Amherst withering away to nothing. If Jon is to fade away, I really hope that it’s like season 4 and it’s mostly his body. John Amherst when entombed in the concrete slab by Gertrude’s assistant, was implied to have died over a period of years after being cut off from frears. I’m hypothesizing that if they end the eyepocolypse, that they wouldn’t be able to fully extract the fears from the world. It would be as before, the fears praying on the most vulnerable. Jon, who was the most powerful being in the eyepocalypse and had been force fed the fears of the Entire World, is probably unable to go back to statements and snaring victims. (though it would be low key hilarious if the whole world just had nightmares about our archivist and he was actually healthy for the first time since joining the Magnus institute). He’s not fully cut off, so he gets to keep his mind, but his body deteriorates.
We might hear Jon’s last moments caught on the tape recorder, ending the final episode. And I don’t know what to do with that, the final “Statement Ends”
Other Things I have no Idea what to do with:
The Web: What do they want? Do they really prefer the world as it was? Do they want it back? Or do they like things as they are now? Annabelle seems to have no trouble pulling strings from Mikaele salesa’s place, so that may mean that the camera doesn’t work on all the fears. I mean, Annabelle is being kept alive by bloody spiders and has been living there just fine, even able to dispatch of creatures of the corruption that wander into the bubble. She’s been there the whole time! And she’s fine!
I think that the web did want the eyepocolypse to happen though. Just that manipulators don’t like to get their hands dirty if they can get someone else to do it for them.
Helen: Love, love, love Helen; but don’t trust her. I understand attaching yourself to the most powerful being in the hellscape, but, she is a being of lies and deception. What is her long game? Does she even think in those terms?
Mikaele Salesa’s Camera: Either it, or something like it will come back again. Jon and Beholding have their own kryptonite guys! Also, he was wandering through the hellscape, looking for a pad to crash in. The hellscape turned back into the world as we knew it when he passed seeming to indicate that it’s still there, under the fear.
Georgie and Melony: Being that Georgie can’t feel fear and Melony ex-communicated herself from the damn eye, pretty damn sure they made their own little safety pocket. What that looks like, and what impact it will have on Jon is unknown.
Basira: Could still try to kill Jon. The world ended, so what the hell right?
Chrysalis: The hell is Jon’s chrysalis? The hell does that mean? Is this physical? Metaphorical? or Both?
Tape Recorders: Given that these bad boys were able to work in the Mikaele Selesa’s safe house, just want to know what their story is and where the tapes go when they finish recording. Can’t really picture Jon or Martin carrying around a cassette collection in the eyepocolypse.
Marked: So, Daisy was able to hurt Jon because of the strength of the mark she made before the eyepocolypse, makes me wonder what other avatars that marked our archivist could do to Jon.
Statement Ends
#tma#the magnus archives#jon sims#Jonathan Sims#the archivist#Martin Blackwood#JonMartin#evil#corrupted#ask#pen and ink#digital overlay#My head is so full guys#tragedy#horror#theory#end game thoughts#spoilers#tma spoilers#season 5#whump#watcher's crown#good cows#AlexandeNight#My art#traditional art#etc#magic#gathering consern#the magnus archives is a tragedy
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replying to some asks - lots of weird preachy art advice. just trying to cram every sophomore year art school lecture into my blog
ANON, PLEASE SEND ME A PICTURE OF THIS..........................
glad to hear it!!!! I always love to see sketches from other artists but somehow when I post mine I feel like it’s just...cheap? like its not ““Real content”““ LOL... but if even one person likes to see it thats all I need to hear
very interesting question, thank you for being specific because that makes it a lot easier to answer. This is going to kind of sound like what every other artist tells you but
1) Go to figure drawing classes/sessions! I know we’re in the middle of a pandemic right now but actually that might even make it easier to find because a lot of figure drawing sessions are being held online atm! Anyways, I cannot possibly overemphasize the importance or studying the human form from life. It’s something that artists spend their whole lives studying and still learn new things about. Nude figure sessions are far preferred over clothed ones especially for beginners but, really, any practice from life helps. Whenever you draw from observation, make sure to step back and really look at your model and then your drawing. What discrepancies do you see, what feels like its missing, where do you think you can improve, etc etc. developing a critical eye is crucial.
I think figure drawing classes are the best method by far but theres plenty of other ways to get the practice in. I do a lot of cafe drawing and drawing on public transport, personally. Drawing from life is vastly preferred over drawing from photo reference because the human body is a living thing and conveying it properly means understanding 3D space and gesture and movement, all things that are easier to perceive irl. A lot of artists draw from dance videos on youtube to at least get the idea of movement even if it’s ultimately from a 2D screen. Recently, I’ve been drawing a lot from rock climbing videos on youtube!
because they’re climbing you actually get a lot of interesting angles LOL... good study of pose-to-pose relationships too, actually..
2) Practice dynamically. If you can develop the eye to figure out where your drawings are lacking, you can practice with those weaknesses in mind. If you realize you don’t really understand the structure of a foot or the back of the head or the back when it’s arched, look up references and practice those things specifically. Sometimes it’s not in the specifics but the general - if you realize you have a hard time proportioning out the figure, draw guides for yourself and set goals to draw proportions before details. Stuff like that.
3) Box Trick. This is just the simplest way to get a set of guidelines down for perspective on the human body the same way you put down guidelines to figure out where the eyes sit on the head LOL.
but here’s something to keep in mind regardless: perspective is a game. You’re tricking the eye into thinking something is close or far when actually its just sitting on the same 2D plane as everything else. You can do the math and make all the guides you want but at the end of the day its either going to look convincing or its not. And being convincing is a lot less about being accurate and a lot more about confidently selling your point. So don’t sweat the calculations of proportions, make hands or heads or feet as big as you feel is right and trust your eye and your gut over your brain.
Hi, yeah sure go ahead! As long as you link+credit me, I don’t mind my work being used for non-profit purposes. Especially fanart like.. I don’t even own these characters LOL. Just, if you edit my art, please don’t use it to perpetuate like...hate speech or even edgy politics... unless they are edgy politics I have explicitly endorsed LOL. If you’re ever on the fence abt it feel free to ask, of course!
TYSSMMM yeah ideally I guess its just ? group therapy LOL? I feel like actually Ryuji, Akechi, and Haru are characters we see very rarely interact and when they do they seem very alienated by each other?? So I think it would actually be great for them to chat LOL they have a lot in common especially the fondness for direct action.
VERY NICE THINGS TO SAY TYSMMMMMMMMMM
I guess since I was old enough to hold a crayon? Doesn’t every kid draw?
But if you mean when I started seriously drawing and trying to get better.. I guess I started carrying a sketchbook when I was 12-13 years old and I’m turning 25 in a couple days so it’s been 12-13 years about. I don’t believe that years have any huge bearing on art progress though. You can be drawing for 50 years without ever deepening or widening your skill set, if you stick to the same old patterns day in and day out. Similarly an artist who is proactive with learning new skills and targeting their weaknesses can improve in leaps and bounds in a matter of weeks.
The style I currently use for painting, I only really started using.... about 3 years ago? When I was a senior in college.
but i wouldn’t say I’ve “““mastered”““ it and I doubt I really ever will because I don’t think that’s the point... I’m constantly changing things depending on how I want a painting to look or the way I want it to feel... or how I feel on any given day LOL
the thing about art style is I don’t think it’s actually something you have to work on or “find”. An artist should change the way they draw depending on the subjects or techniques they want to explore. If I wanted to convey comedy, I’d draw characters differently from how I would if I wanted to portray drama. And if I wanted to focus on lighting I’d paint differently from how I would if I wanted to focus on the details of the human form. When I was drawing a lot of digimon fanart earlier this year I drew differently from how I’m drawing now while putting out a lot of persona 5 fanart LOL - even when the content is similar the characters have different gestures and different tone that I convey through any number of things, proportion, rendering, edge definition, color range, etc etc.
as you experiment with techniques and approaches undoubtedly there’ll be some you’re naturally better at or more interested in than others. and i think that’s what a person’s “art style” really is, the stuff that you gravitate to and come back to over and over even as you transform and explore.
not sure if that makes sense but.. that’s my two cents, anyway.
yea hit me uppp dude [email protected] lmk what you want and I’ll give you a quote
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broken Tumblr asks part ??: in which I think I figured out that adding a read more into the asks are what breaks them.
anonymous asked:
the team makes Buck cry. send tweet.
hi anon I really am sorry if you were hoping for some hurt / comfort bc uh. this is just the hurt. xoxox
also my love, thanks, and eternal devotion to @buckleydiazs for giving it a quick beta 💖
Buck was on cloud fucking nine.
For a year—an entire year—he had been stuck in the doctors office, twice a month, while they ran test after test after his… multiple accidents. Blood tests, lung tests, flexibility tests, he had been poked like a pincushion and stretched like a rubber band, he had been through physical therapy, occupational therapy, and just regular therapy (hell, he was still in regular therapy), and now finally, finally, he was finished.
“So, you don’t show any signs of abnormal clotting and your risk for a second pulmonary embolism is low. As far as your ankle goes, but you’ve regained full mobility, and as much as I wish I could take all the credit for that, I know you’ve been working your ass off in therapy. Congratulations, Mr. Buckley.”
He was cleared. Fully out of the woods. Clean bill of health.
Finally, finally, after a year of hell, he could put everything—his crushed leg, his bleeding lungs, his stupid lawsuit—behind him. Finally, he could breathe easy, easier than he had in a year, and the only thing he wanted to do in the entire world was share the news with his family.
Normally, Maddie would have been first, but he always felt bad about tying up a dispatcher when he called her at work. Her shift ended in an hour or so, though—like his normally would have, if he didn’t have his schedule switched during doctor days.
Well, if he can’t tell his sister, he can still tell his family.
“Hey, Chim!”
Buck is all smiles as locks his Jeep, his medical release in hand, jogging easily to catch up to Chim’s retreating backside. Buck grinned as Chim turned around, raising his brow. “Hey, do you and Hen have a second? I wanted to show you both my—“
“Oooh, sorry, no can do Buckeroo. Hen’s taking her MCAT’s in two days, I have every second of her free time booked solid with studying.”
Buck faltered a little bit as they walked, raising his brow. While he really was proud of Chim for doing a full 180 so quickly—going from feeling betrayed to supporting a friend was no easy feat, and Buck knew that as well as anyone, but he also knew that a full day of studying wouldn’t do any good.
“Come on, Chim, I’m sure she can take a break to—“
“Noooo, Buck.”
“Chim.”
“Buck, seriously. She’s been working too hard for this, and I’m not having you break up her flow. This is important to her, you get that right?”
Of course Buck got it, but…
“I’m not going to let anyone ruin this for her.”
….ruin it? He just wanted to share some good news.
He understood that Hen had to study, and that her upcoming MCATS were really important to her, but this was important to Buck; and for Chim to jump straight to that degree made his heart sink a little bit with each beat, his head traitorously whispering to him ‘what if Chim is right?’. Hen had been one of his biggest supporters as he got off of blood thinners, as he started back into his various therapies, and he had thought he returned the favor, helping her study in his free time whenever he could, and helping her take her mind off of things when she needed to as well—maybe his distractions were more harm than good, but he knew Hen well enough to know that if no one pulled her away from her work, she just wouldn’t eat, sleep, go home, any of it. Was it really that bad that Buck wanted a minute?
He felt his smile start to slip so he hitched it back up, nodding his head. “Yeah, sure, I… okay, just hit me up when you’re all done, I guess?” He said, hoping his voice sounded more confident than he felt. It must have worked, because Chim clapped both of his arms and turned away, leaving Buck standing there for a moment before he shook himself out of it.
It was fine. Hen wanted to study, that was important. Buck tried to pump himself back up as he took the stairs to the loft two at a time, reveling in the simple act of fully rolling his ankle. He tilted his head as he heard Bobby’s voice spill out of his office, turning on his heel to his next target. Besides, Bobby sounded frustrated—some good news would do him good, or so Buck thought.
“…no, I don’t—no, we can’t just take—wait, what? No, I will not hold!”
Buck almost laughed as he knocked on the Cap’s open door, smiling when Bobby waved him inside.
“Look, forgive me if I’m not entirely sympathetic, but when we’re down an engine, and you can’t tell us when repairs will be done—well then you’d better transfer me to someone who can!”
“Everything alright, Cap?” Buck couldn’t help but smile as Bobby strangled his phone, sighing in defeat when the plastic wouldn’t yield.
“You know, Marty was a crook in the end, but damn, he was a good mechanic. What’s up, Buck?”
Buck winced at the reminder of the nearly would-be heist, humming thoughtfully as he waved his full release forms. “Well, this shouldn’t take long. I got back from the doctors today, and—“
Bobby’s groan cut him off, hanging his head in his free hand. “No, Buck, no. I can’t have you sick right now, and nothing good ever follows ‘doctor’.”
Buck laughed, but Bobby kept going, the stress of the day and being down an engine clearly getting to him as he continued on. “And the last time I heard “doctor” from you, it was followed by lawsuit, which—yes, I’m still holding, hello?”
Lawsuit?
What the fuck?
Buck reeled back like he had been slapped, the smile frozen on his face even with Bobby’s clear dismissal. He was glad that he didn’t have to say anything else, at the very least, because his throat felt hot and tight and it was all he could do to stay steady as he pivoted on his heel, walking out of the office.
He hated the fact that that was the first thing Bobby brought up, but he hated even more how much that dark cloud was still lingering over his head. If Bobby would be so candid when Buck was barely two words in to saying something, who’s to say what choice words he had about Buck when he was gone?
The lawsuit was the worst part of his life, the biggest mistake he had made, and he couldn’t wrap his head around it being thrown in his face when he was ready to walk in and share what was the best news he had ever received. Is that… all he would have here, all he would have been able to look forward to?
He started back down the stairs, his legs acting independently of the rest of his body, a dull tingling spreading through his chest as he finally sat down. He didn’t know if there was a happy medium between cold and numb (‘shock’, his mind provided, ‘you’re in shock’), but whatever it was, he was deep into it.
God, he had honestly thought that was all behind him. How fucking stupid was he to think that he was going to be able to come back from a mistake that huge, even a year later?
“Buck?”
He could feel himself starting to panic—loathe as he was to admit it—but as per usual, Eddie was a step ahead of the game without even knowing it. Even now, just hearing Eddie take a few steps closer to him started to ease his heartbeat, and he swallowed a few times as he nodded, fighting off the headrush as he was able to breathe again.
“Hey, Buck, you good?”
“Hey, Eddie, uh…hey!” Buck stood up and wiped his hands on his pants, paperwork forgotten next to him as he tried to smile. If anything, he knew—he knew to his very core, he knew, he… he prayed Eddie would be able to share this little victory with him. “Eds, you have a second to talk?“
Buck almost swallowed his tongue as the alarm sounded through the station, his jaw clicking shut as footsteps started to come down the stairs.
“Hey, we’ll talk later, yeah?” Eddie called, already heading to his locker. It was all Buck could do to hold it together, nodding his head as he waved them off, letting out a breath he didn’t realize he was holding when the ladder pulled out of the station.
--
Eddie may have had a good start on his day, but Buck did not.
He had woken up, kissed Christopher goodbye as Carla brought him to school, and less than ten minutes later, he had a brown envelope in hand, with a curt “You’ve been served”.
Shannon’s will was being contested. The will that Eddie didn’t even know she had. By her father, who Eddie had only seen twice in several years of marriage.
The will was simple enough—a few grand left to Christopher’s college fund, a small pair of earrings to her sister, and that was it. There was nothing to contest, in Eddie’s mind, but contested it was.
He looked over the paperwork twice, and it made less sense the second time around—as much as he hated to admit it, the worst part of it all was knowing that Eddie was going to be alone at work again, because Buck had another day off scheduled in the books.
So yeah, he may have been a little grumpy as he threw a few weights around in the work room for the start of his shift.
As much as he didn’t want to admit it, Eddie was spiraling; he couldn’t understand how someone could be so bitter, so selfish, to try and stop a few thousand dollars from going into a college fund for their grandchild. His mood only soured as his shift went on, there were no distractions, no calls, nothing to help him pull his head out of his ass, and no one he could talk to. Chim had almost bitten his head off when he said hello to Hen that morning, Bobby was dealing with yet another broken down, tax funded nightmare, and Buck—
And Buck was here.
“Buck?”
Eddie did an honest to god double take as he saw Buck sitting on the bench, like he had been summoned from the depths of Eddie’s mind, even though he looked like he was in a state of shock.
“Hey, Buck, you good?”
He couldn’t lie, it made his heart skip a beat when Buck smiled at him—even if he could tell that Buck’s heart wasn’t in it.
Before he could say anything more, the alarm sounded through the house, and Eddie was about a step away from fully losing his mind. “Hey, we’ll talk later, yeah?” He said, trying to give a small smile as he started to double back to his locker.
The call, to put it mildly, had not gone well—any fire call where the main focus wasn’t the fire was bound to be troublesome. A ten year old had started a fire in a laundry room, which should have been simple enough, except it was the same laundry room that he and his brother had apparently been locked up on for months.
Suddenly what started out as a fire call turned into fire, medics, and police, and Eddie felt his hands start to shake as he worked with Hen to revive a ten year old boy. Barely older than Christopher. It wasn’t the first time he had seen abuse face to face, and he knew it wouldn’t be the last, but something about it was working him up more than usual. He was glad his shift was almost over—the only thing he wanted to do was go home, hug his kid, and sleep.
“—ooh, Mads, they’re back, gotta go. Hey, Eddie!”
He knew he was in deep when not even hearing Buck’s voice could brighten his mood—it was all he could do to hitch a half-hearted smile onto his face as he stepped off of the spare rig.
“Good call, right? Maddie said it sounded like everyone should pull through.”
Eddie just felt himself wind up tighter as he shook his head, rolling his jaw to force himself to keep it loose. “No, Buck. It was not a good call. It was a very bad call.” Bad didn’t even begin to cover it. Eddie could still feel his heart in his throat, feel a tiny body in his arms as Hen started compressions.
He was too wrapped in his own world to notice Buck falter, clearly thrown in the conversation. “Well, hey, if you’ve got a second—“
“Come on Buck, give it a break. I just want to get the fuck out of here as soon as I can.”
Pulling his boots off, he tossed them with perhaps a bit more force than needed into his locker, missing the way that Buck’s face shuttered. “You too, huh?”
“‘You too’? The hell is that supposed to mean?”
“Eddie, I just wanted to share some good news, and—“
“Well things aren’t just good or bad, Buck! Just because no one died does not make a good call, and just because things are bad right now doesn’t mean I have to be cheered up. I’m allowed to be pissed off. I’m allowed to have one fucking minute!” Eddie snapped, chucking his jacket against the hamper in the corner, jaw clenched so hard he would have been afraid of cracking a tooth if he was in his right state of mind.
“So please, tell me what is so god damned important that I can’t see my kid until you tell me.”
The moment the words left his lips, he knew it was a mistake. The only person that loved Chris as much as Eddie was Buck, and he knew that, saw that more clearly than ever as his white hot anger dulled into something more manageable. He swallowed as he turned around, and… fuck, Buck wasn’t even looking at him.
“…Buck, I—“
--
“Clean bill of health.”
Buck couldn’t bring himself to look up up as he tossed the stack of papers onto the bench, doing his absolute best to keep himself composed as he spoke, his jaw tight and brow furled.
He had been so proud of himself for avoiding a panic attack while they were on the call. He had never gotten them before this past year, but between the earthquake, tsunami, Maddie’s kidnapping, and bomb, he had become fast friends with the crushing weight. But he had done well—he kept himself above water, so to speak, and when he called Maddie he was proud to say that his voice was almost steady, and prouder still when she congratulated him for his job well done in therapy, demanding he come over and celebrate tonight.
Well, even if he couldn’t count on his family friends team, he could always count on Maddie. It was a small joy in the world, but right now, it felt like it was all he had.
“Officially back to 100% mobility in my crushed ankle, officially out of the woods for another clot. Did you know it would take me a year to be clear of another embolism, because I refused blood thinners? Well, I figured you might, since you’re been running calls without me, every other week for a year, while I sit in a hospital room.”
Buck finally brought himself up to meet his teammates eye as Eddie’s frustration started to give way to confusion, and that, that hurt more than anything else today. Had anyone even realized why his schedule changed every other week? Did anyone care? “And alright, like you said, it might not be that important to you all but—“
“Buck, you—“
“But it’s really fucking important to me! All I wanted to do was share the good news with the people who are supposed to be family, my team, and instead all I got was blown off, snapped at—Eddie, I mentioned the word doctor in front of Bobby and his first concern was if he had another lawsuit on his hands.”
Buck was mildly aware that he was shaking—he had never really handled stress like this well—but the bigger concern was the tightening in his throat, that sinking pressure he felt right beneath his lungs. He could handle a lot of things, but that didn’t mean he could handle crying in front of Eddie quite yet.
“It’s been a year, Eddie, and I thought things were getting better, so what gives? What did I do, what have I done to deserve being treated like this? I’m serious, please, tell me, so I can fix it!”
Buck’s voice was reaching a fevered pitch as he gestured around the locker room, feeling himself splinter as he begged, literally begged, to know what he had done—why his work had meant nothing. Would he be mortified later? Probably, but everyone had a breaking point, and Buck was realizing (belatedly) that he was past his.
“All I wanted to do today was share a victory with my team, at least share it with you, you’re supposed to be my best friend, and I—I don’t get why—“
If Buck could clearly see Eddie’s face, he might have laughed at the pale, slack jawed, panicked expression before him. As it was, though, his eyes were starting to burn, and even as he reached to rub them, his body finally gave up, tears rolling down his cheeks.
“Why is everyone being so fucking mean?”
Buck didn’t bother with another platitude as he pushed past Eddie, rubbing tear tracks off of his cheeks. He felt his face heat up as he stormed out of the firehouse, fumbling for his keys, and heaven help any member of the 118 who stood in his way.
--
Buck was crying.
The team had made Buck cry.
Fuck, Eddie had made Buck cry.
He just stood in the locker room as the sound of Buck’s Jeep faded into the distance, feeling his heartbeat throughout his entire body. All Buck wanted to do was share some positivity with the team, and Eddie had… eviscerated him. He bent down to pick up some of the papers Buck had left behind, his heart falling even further (as if that was possible) as he read over the paperwork.
Fuck.
“Hey, Eddie, is Buck in here? Chim said he wanted to talk to—woah, what’s wrong?”
The sweat on Eddie’s skin had cooled (hell, how long had he been standing there?) and guilt sunk heavier into his stomach as Hen walked into the locker room, with Chim trailing behind her. Eddie’s eyes were still glued to the release in his hand, barely noticing as Chim spoke, staring down at his phone.
“Uhhh… why is Maddie telling me to camp out with one of you tonight?” he asked the room as a whole, sharing a confused glance with Hen before they both locked eyes on Eddie, who… well, who probably looked as bad as he felt.
Which, considering Eddie felt like he was about to cry himself, was saying a lot.
“We fucked up. I fucked up. I think—I think we broke Buck.”
And he had no idea how to fix it.
#911#evan buckley#edmundo diaz#buddie#(maybe if you squint)#hurtfic#buck needs a hug#fic#911fic#911 on fox#flospeaks
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Uhm all we're asking is the adults in the hl fandom should stop being fucking weird bc there's kids here! like if all the minors think something is sus then maybe it's... creepy... and you should stop
I’ve addressed this issue multiple times before so I’m not going to write another dissertation, but it sounds like a few important points bear repeating:
1. The Half Life games are rated M. They are not for children. Children are welcome to enjoy them if they want to and their parents/guardians allow it, but they have no room to complain about mature themes in the games or the fandom because they are not the series’ target audience. I recently discussed this in more detail here and here, when people tried to give me shit for writing (fairly vanilla, properly tagged, healthy) ns/fw fanfiction; the asks themselves are sfw. And while we’re on the topic, HLVRAI is clearly not intended to be “children’s media” either; it’s full of ns/fw humor and older pop culture references.
2. The core of the Half Life fandom has always been comprised mostly of people in their late teens to mid-30s. It was also a pretty chill, calm, healthy community for the 16 years preceding the influx of HLVRAI stuff. It’s nice to see that new, younger people are getting into the series, but y’all can’t just barge into a new fandom and demand that people stop doing harmless things that have brought them joy for over a decade because you personally don’t like certain ships or characters.
3. I’m assuming this is about freemance, and as I’ve said a thousand times before, there’s nothing wrong with freemance. Also, one glance at AO3 or the tumblr tags (prior to the avalanche of HLVRAI content, anyway) would have made it quite clear that the majority of the fandom ships (or at least doesn’t loathe) freemance, so it’s not like this was some creepy little secret that we started subtly pushing on minors after we lured them into our evil adult lairs.
4. There is a difference between “this thing makes me personally uncomfortable” and “this thing is morally wrong.” Please learn to recognize it. If you don’t like a ship, here are some healthier suggestions as to how to deal with those feelings, because sending accusatory anons to random content creators isn’t helping anyone.
5. There are plenty of minors in the HL fandom who ship freemance. I’m obviously not going to list them all here because I don’t trust trolls not to harass them, but here’s a relevant anon ask I received from a 14 year old a while back. This isn’t a minors vs. adults debate so much as it’s a “people who know shit about Half Life” vs. “people who don’t know shit about Half Life and/or have done extensive mental gymnastics to interpret canon in the worst possible way” debate.
6. To my knowledge, nobody in the “old” tumblr HL fandom is being weird to minors. (If anyone’s heard otherwise, please let me know and I’ll do what I can to help address it.) Especially in light of the recent drama, a lot of “old fandom” folks have attempted to make their blogs 16+ or 18+ and started doing a lot of their socializing in age-restricted spaces away from tumblr. Even those of us who don’t go out of our way to preemptively block minors have been careful to establish boundaries when we do occasionally chat with them. Not to mention, as a grown-ass adult, I don’t really have a desire to form close friendships with minors in the fandom; like, some of y’all are awesome people, but I just can’t relate past a certain point and I prefer to socialize with people closer to my own age. You know, like a normal person.
If you’re worried about people over the age of 18 doing sketchy shit like... oh geez, I dunno, promoting their discord servers to minors, offering cash incentives to minors to get other minors to join those servers, forming uncomfortably close personal relationships with minors, encouraging minors to engage in age-inappropriate discourse, and creating an isolating cult of personality around hating a large subsection of the fandom over a total non-issue... I hear that’s a thing that’s happening, but it’s definitely not the freemance shippers who are doing it.
#asks#anon#do I even wanna know which discourse blog prompted this one?#ship discourse#long post#oops just kidding I wrote another dissertation
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Have you heard the news about Unikitty and Master Frown’s ages?
Ugh.
TBH I’ve had an incredibly bad day for reasons unrelated to this and this was just kind of the cherry on top for me, so I’m not in the right headspace to make an official “statement” or a decisive stance on how this blog is going to move forward, but here’s a pile of my immediate thoughts.
Before I get started…. It pains me to ask this, and I’ve never asked anything like this before, but I would appreciate if Unicrew Staff Please Do Not Interact With This Post? Maybe even don’t read? I suppose I can’t stop staff from reading and replying to this if they really want but I don’t think it’s gonna to benefit anybody and it’ll probably just be uncomfortable for everyone involved. I’m going to write the rest of this post FOR FANS, not with the idea of staff reading it in mind.
Anyways….
So like…. I’m fully aware the staff can do whatever they want with their show. 100% aware. Do not get me wrong. I know the unicrew doesn’t owe me anything. But…. people have been asking for ages for a while??? Staff have left it fairly vague?? Staff have reblogged Unifrown fanart? To 180 on that this late in the game feels a tad mean, and some of the responses to people sad about the news have also been kind of mean. :( One staff member in particular has been a bit more aggressive than seems necessary with shippers? Another blog got a “Yikes” from them for being jokingly over-enthusiastic about Hawkofox and…. That’s…. how fandom is? We love our ships and like to be enthusiastic/silly? Seeing that was kind of the moment I started getting nervous about staff seeing/replying to my stuff. I’m not here to smack talk anyone - I deeply appreciate all the work of everyone on the Unicrew - but…. Well….. Yeah. That was an awkward moment that made me feel a bit insecure in “my own house” so to speak.
Again, the staff can make any decision about their characters whenever they want, but obviously I’m rathered saddened by this, if only because stupid people are using it as an excuse to call people who shipped something they didn’t like pedophiles. All of this also means new fans who may have not gotten the memo about the ages - because it’s not confirmed anywhere in canon - and come in shipping Unifrown will be likely targets of some pretty nasty anon hate. It’s honestly tempting to ignore anything that isn’t stated in the show outright anyway and go full blown Death of the Author when stuff like this happens. It’s fun when creators of works explain how they interpreted things that were never stated as fact in canon, but one of the many things the people being bullies to the Unifrown shippers right now are forgetting is that not everyone accepts anything a creator, staff, etc may say was their intention as irrefutable canon. Some people may decide to flat out ignore the ages given on Twitter and continue to have their own headcanons based purely on the show, and that’s not WRONG. That’s been considered a valid way of viewing fiction for CENTURIES. It’s gone a bit out of fashion in modern fandom, where it’s so easy to communicate with authors, but TL;DR If you assume anybody who ships Unifrown after this is trying to promote pedophillia and send them hate, you’re dumb. Plain and simple.
So what does all of this mean for this blog?
I don’t know how I feel about running this blog with this new information. Even if I decide “You know what? I don’t consider Twitter answers canon, and I’m going to continue to enjoy this ship until actual canon irrefutably states official ages and no part of me feels squicky about that” it still means I’m going to have to deal with the DRAMA of people who see Word Of Staff as absolute law bringing the anon hate and pedophile accusations. And maybe I’d be in more of a mood to say “Fine, bring it!” if I wasn’t already barely updating this blog before this happened. Unifrown week mainly didn’t happen because I was in the hospital, but I also legitimately had forgotten about it until I was reminded by folks asking me about it. Goes to show how big of a priority it is to me lately.
So…. right now I’m not really updating this blog anyway, and given the drama I’m probably not gonna start back up anytime soon??? But I also don’t feel a need to immediately DELETE EVERYTHING either. So for now I guess the blog is just gonna chill and exist on an indefinite hiatus. Peace.
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could you maybe write something about Arthur falling in love with a rival gang member? like a bit like romeo and juliet or something, you can choose the ending, thx :)
I tried to keep this one short but then I puked out like thirteen pages, so have fun, Anon! Thanks for sending this in!
You’ve been running with the O’Driscolls for many years. Most of your life, really. Ever since you were a young teen. You’d been living with your parents and older sister in a cabin on the border of Ambarino and New Hanover. When you were thirteen, you had a habit of dressing like a boy even though you’re a girl. You just preferred the more comfortable, free moving clothing that boys wore and you kept your hair short to spite your mother. She’d been trying to push the woman’s lifestyle on you and you were just not having it. In order to rebel against her, you cut your hair so it was only a few inches long.
Your father didn’t care how you looked or dressed, he thought you should do what felt right. He taught you how to hunt and shoot a gun when you were young, and he did this with your older sister as well. She didn’t take to it as well as you did as she didn’t like getting her hands dirty. She was too much like your mother and you were like your father. He was the one who bought you pants and button-down shirts to wear and a hat to shelter your eyes and head.
It was the combination of your clothes, hair and that you always seemed to be covered in earth or dust from the road that saved your life. At the age of fourteen, the O’Driscolls came to your cabin one night. It was only a small group of them, but Colm O’Driscoll heard a rumor that your father was wealthy and just pretended to be poor for the sake of appearances.
This was true as your grandfather had been a railway magnate until he’d been forced out of his business and decided on a simpler, less stressful life. He’d left his fortune to your father, who decided to hide his inheritance. Your family lived on a small ranch, which made it easy to pretend like you had just enough to get by. But somehow word had slipped out about your family’s money and Colm came to steal it.
Colm and seven of his men barged their way into your cabin. They shot your father only seconds after breaking the door down, then your mother. Colm’s men grabbed your sister and dragged her off into the night. You never saw her again, though you still sometimes hear her screams when trying to sleep. Colm looked hard at you and thought, because of your appearance, that you were a boy.
“You’re gonna be one of us, boy,” he said in his oddly soft voice. “You’re gonna be one of us or end up like your daddy.”
You just nodded and went with them. You were forced to join the gang but you knew the consequences for trying to run. Of course, you also continued to dress like a boy. As you grew, you started growing your hair out to respect your mother in her death. Luckily plenty of Colm’s men had longer hair, so they suspected nothing. That changed when you started to grow older and parts of your body visibly changed. You had to wear a tight wrap around your chest, but there was nothing you could do about your wider hips. You managed to threaten a tailor to make a duster with padded shoulders to make them look bigger and hide your feminine figure.
Years passed from when Colm destroyed your family and you stayed in his gang. You would have left when you were close to twenty, but you knew what would happen if you deserted. One boy made this mistake and Colm hunted him down and within days of him leaving, Colm killed him. The matter of his death was neither easy or quick, so you knew if you left, the same thing would happen to you.
Of course it wasn’t easy being in Colm’s gang. Since you were smaller than most the others, you got picked on a lot and you got stuck with some of the more unpleasant tasks, like shoveling horse shit and cleaning up after the others.
Shortly after you were incorporated into the gang, you’d heard of Dutch Van der Linde and his boys. You only knew his name and that he and Colm were rivals. Every once in a while, you’d hear about them interfering with one another’s work, but whenever you asked why Colm had such a fury towards Dutch, the others would just tell you to shut up. You thought for a long time that Colm detested this Dutch just because he was another gang leader and they happened to cross one another frequently.
You’ve been in the gang more than ten years now. Ten long, miserable years. You want nothing more than to get out, but to do so means your inevitable death. You also know it can take mere seconds for Colm to figure out you’re a woman. He doesn’t like women in the gang, says they only slow the gang down. If and when he finds out, he’ll happily put a bullet in your head.
Colm has never liked you much. You think the only reason he brought you into the gang was because you were a child. Maybe Colm has something against killing kids or maybe he just thought you might have potential. You don’t take his malcontent personally. He doesn’t like most the men he runs with, only keeps them around because they’re good with guns and sometimes manage to pull a score successfully.
You’ve climbed up in his ranks though. You had no choice. In order to survive and to hide your gender, you learned quickly. Even though you knew how to shoot a pistol and a varmint rifle, you had to learn how to shoot a bigger gun. So you taught yourself. Colm’s boys taught you the craft of acting mean, targeting people and robbing them. You were good too. Perhaps it was just your feminine intuition on how to play people since you couldn’t physically fight too well because of your size, but you had a knack for tricking people and robbing them blind. Colm appreciated this and you moved up quickly.
You hate him though. No matter what he does or how much money you get through him, you hate him. You’d like nothing more than to slit his throat while he sleeps. But you’re afraid of him too. The first time you’d ever seen him was putting a bullet in your father and then killing your mother. You know he had something to do with your sister and there’s little doubt in your mind he ravaged her and then killed her too. Only a monster could be capable of that, to orphan a child and then force them to work for the one who killed their family.
You walk into the bar in Valentine, thirsty and sore. The past few days have been hell. For some dumb reason, Colm decided a couple weeks back to move the gang up to some fallen apart town near Colter. Then you all got trapped there during a blizzard. He’d been out with some of his boys when the blizzard hit. He came back with his right hand man, a fat man with a bushy beard named Hoskins. The others never returned, but Colm figured the idiots had gotten lost and died in the snow.
He told you and some of the other higher ups that you were all up here to rob a train owned by Leviticus Cornwall. You’d heard the name of course. He was a big, but impossible target. Cornwall was known to go after any idiot who robbed him with a vengeance. Colm told you all to stay up here for another couple of days before the robbery. Then he sent one of the newer members, some fidgety nervous guy named Kieran, out to scout for the train. He left and told you and some of the others to go hunt some game to keep everyone fed.
You split off from the others and managed to find a deer grazing out in the frozen wilderness, but when you came back to the hideout, it was littered with corpses. Only a few men were left standing. When Colm returned and found out the plans for the train robbery had been stolen, he lost it. He hit one of the other men right in the face. Only you seemed to notice that the kid, Kieran, hadn’t returned, but you said nothing.
Colm set his hands on the back of a rickety chair and glared into a lamp.
“There’s only one fella stupid enough and bold enough to steal a score from me. Goddamn Van der Linde. Well, I have a surprise for him. This is the last time he steals from me. I heard he and his bunch are wanted in Blackwater. Hoskins, you’ll help me find a way to get him.”
You rarely saw Colm after that, but he moved the gang to Hanging Dog Ranch in Big Valley. He ordered you and the others to hunt for new scores and for the whereabouts of Dutch and his boys.
You’ve been riding for days with hardly any sign of either gang. That’s why you’re in this shit hole of a town Valentine. Always muddy, always smelling of shit. You rap on the bar and order a beer. You’re in need of a bath, but you need to go back to camp tomorrow. You’ve been gone long enough and they might start to think you’ve deserted. Despite your hatred towards Colm, you do feel a strange sense of obligation towards him. Despite him having destroyed your family and livelihood, he taught you how to fight, how to rob and how to get away with it. Perhaps that’s just a lie you tell yourself. Maybe the only reason you’re loyal to him is because you’ve been part of his gang most your life.
Just as you’re finishing your beer, the doors swing open and a man walks in. You only glance at him for a second and spot his leather hat and blue shirt. He stalks towards the barber’s seat and gets his hair and beard trimmed. After he’s done, he comes and leans on the bar not too far from you. He orders a beer as well.
Something about him intrigues you. It’s rare for you to take an interest in men, and in this town he’s not out of style. Hell, he’s covered in dirt and his clothes are years old, from the looks of them. Still, he has this force and presence that drags your attention to him. You study him for a moment.
He glances over at you and your eyes meet. He’s got stunning blue eyes. You blink and look away. You both ignore each other and buy a few more drinks. After your third, you decide that’s enough and start to head out. Just as you leave the bar, you collide with the man.
“Sorry,” you say, forgetting in that split second to make your voice sound deep and gravelly. You’re usually so careful, but when you’re not around the gang, it’s harder to maintain.
The man lowers his brow, clearly confused. “It’s alright, mi… well, can I call ya miss?”
He looks you up and down, clearly confused. After all, your disguise is very convincing.
“Sure,” you say. “Long as you don’t tell no one else.”
He huffs a small laugh. “And who’d I tell that I met a young woman who looked just like a young, very small man?”
You smile. “I guess no one.”
He tips his hat. “You have a fine day, sir.” He gets on his horse and rides off.
************************
You’ve bumped into this man a few more times since that first meeting. You found a mutilated corpse under the railroad and he did too at pretty much the same time. Another day, you stumbled upon a strange rock carving near the Cumberland River and he showed up only seconds later. Another time, you were just heading back to Hanging Dog Ranch and you saw him in the big meadow skinning a pronghorn. You’ve never crossed paths with a stranger so often.
You’re in Valentine again and just heading over to the train station. A couple months back, you bumped into some annoying feller who offered you money for bundles of cigarette cards, and you’ve finally found enough that they might be worth something. Hopefully this idiot wasn’t pulling your leg. Just as you’re about to reach the doors, they open and the man you’ve met a handful of times comes out.
“Excuse me, sir,” he says, then stops. His eyes rake over you and he smiles. “Again? How many times you and I gonna cross paths?”
You smile. “Don’t get the impression that I’m following you, that’s not what’s happening.”
He smiles back. “Course not. Well, don’t let me keep ya.”
You’ve never been a big believer in fate or destiny, but the fact that you’ve run into this man so often has got to be more than mere coincidence. As he starts walking over to his horse, you turn.
“Sir, we keep bumping into each other. Now I don’t believe in divine interference when it comes to people and their lives, but… there’s gotta be a reason we keep running into each other. Let me buy you a beer.”
He grins. “That’s awful kind o’ ya, miss. Guess I can grab a drink. Though not Smithfield’s. Bar owner ain’t too keen on me right now.”
You agree and go to the smaller, quieter saloon in Valentine. You make good on your promise and buy him a drink. There, you both get to talking and introduce yourselves properly (though not entirely honestly).
“So tell me,” Arthur says, setting his bottle down. “Why’s a girl like you dressin’ like a man? Judgin’ by how well you do it, my guess is you’ve done it a long time.”
You sigh. “It’s…. It’s a long, boring story. Let’s just say it’s safer for me to dress like this than a woman. No offence, but men have a disgusting habit of targeting women because we’re the weaker sex.”
He smiles a bit. “Yes we certainly have a habit of doin’ that. However, I know you’re leavin’ somethin’ out.”
“How would you know?”
“Because,” he says, “you’re way too vague and you’re the only woman I seen dressed like this. So what’s the real story?”
You know you can’t tell him about Colm’s gang, but perhaps you can just tell him a vague bit of the truth.
“I run with a bunch of boys who aren’t too keen on runnin’ with women. Guess they don’t really like us, I don’t know. In order to keep on runnin’ with ‘em, I dress like this. They buy it well enough.”
“Don’t seem like a particularly good bunch if they can’t handle you bein’ a lady. Why don’t you just leave?”
“It’s… it’s complicated,” you say, hiding your eyes beneath your hat. “Let’s just say they ain’t keen on people abandoning them.”
He doesn’t press further and then he thanks you for the drink. You kind of hope you don’t see him again, he already knows too much about you for your own safety.
Just as you’re leaving Valentine, Colm and Hoskins bump into you.
“There you are, you son of a bitch,” Colm snarls when he sees you. This is a usual greeting so you think nothing of it. “Saddle up, boy. We gotta go to Six Point.”
“Why?” you say, mounting up on your horse.
“I left Lowman and McCann up there with some of the others. They were supposed to stash the money from that stage robbery and meet us at Hangin’ Dog. I ain’t seen hide nor hair of ‘em. Little bastards better not be dead drunk.”
You ride with the two to the cabin Colm sometimes uses as a hideout. You find the other men scattered around, dead but not drunk. Colm’s furious again and he kicks a bucket halfway across the site. He investigates the cabin and finds the money gone, as well as a double-barrelled shotgun he had mounted up on the chimney.
“You, boy,” he points at you. “You stay here. Get this shit cleaned up, and stay here until I come for you in case the shits who did this come back.”
“You want me here alone in case a possible group of expert gunman come back?” you say, not liking the odds.
“Yeah, don’t be yella. Just do what you’re told. I’ll come get ya in a few days.”
***********************
What Colm said would be a few days has turned into a few weeks. He’s had you stake out places like this before, so you know the drill: sniff out any possible leads from the closest town. While you’ve been trying to dig up clues, you bump into that Arthur Morgan time and time again.
The first time you did since buying him a drink, he offered to buy you one. After that, whenever you meet, you both go for drinks and get to know one another a little better. It isn’t long before you start to feel a sense of friendship towards him. He’s just as vague on his lifestyle as you are, but you don’t push out of respect. Before long, Arthur asks you to meet him in places to go hunting. He seems to like the company.
After one particularly long day, you part his company in Valentine and return to Six Point. You spend the next couple of days missing him. You miss him more than anyone else you’ve ever known and that’s when you’re hit with it: you like him.
The next time you meet, you try to keep things cool between you and him, but you can’t help but stare at him. He is handsome after all. Plus you know that while his temper can be quick to flare up, he can be incredibly gentle and caring. There was one time you both stumbled into a cabin where the occupants had died due to a fire. The cabin was relatively intact and it looked like they’d died from the gas. Arthur picked up a pen and a children’s book. When you questioned him on this, he just smiled.
“I have a couple of friends who mentioned they wanted a pen and a book like this.”
“Ah, so if I was to ask you to fetch me somethin’, would you get it?” you ask before you could stop yourself.
“Of course. Anythin’ in mind?”
You were almost surprised, but happy. “Now that you mention it, I wouldn’t mind a watch. I accidentally dropped mine and it broke a couple days back. Haven’t had the chance to replace it.”
He smiled and promised to bring you one. The next time you saw him, he had it. When your fingers brushed his, he blushed. Was it possible he had something for you too?
From then on, your relationship with Arthur changed. There was just a sense of electricity between you both, like you were magnetized. You went from purposefully bumping your hand into his to touching his upper arms and shoulders to brushing his hair when he had his hat off. It wasn’t long after that when you had your first kiss. It had taken you completely by surprise.
You’d both been drinking heavily that night and you were doing everything to control yourself with him. You’d been more attracted to him than ever, but you weren’t sure if he liked you too. However, in your drunken phase, the candlelight hit him just right and you just leaned over and kissed him. He was taken by surprise, but when you started to pull away, he stopped you and crashed his lips to yours.
After that night, the two of you met almost daily, even if it was just for five minutes. Arthur kissed you as often as he could. It didn’t take long before the two of you finally made love. You’d been out hunting and it rained hard, chilling you both to the bone. You were both forced to strip down to your undergarments as your clothes had been soaked. You nestled close to one another and one thing led to another and you ended up sleeping with him. Arthur was more than satisfactory in bed, he knew how to push buttons you weren’t even aware existed. He seemed pleased with your performance as well.
After having sex with him, you start to feel guilty for hiding so much from him. You’ve made love to him several times now and you feel incredibly close to him. More than anyone else you’ve known. He makes you feel like you don’t have to hide, you can be yourself. Perhaps now is the time you open up about your past.
You meet Arthur in the saloon, where you always arrange to meet. You’ve made up your mind when you walk up to him. He smiles when he sees you and wraps an arm around you. He kisses you softly, not caring who might be around to see.
“Well, should we go off huntin’ or do you wanna hit the hotel first and have a little fun?” he asks with a small growl.
You blush a bit. “I’d love to go have some fun, but… we need to talk first.”
His smile fades, but he nods. You feel even more guilty, the poor man probably thinks you’re going to break up with him. You take his hand and lead him outside to your horses and mount up. You lead him away from the town where you won’t be overheard.
You dismount and Arthur follows suit. He walks over but doesn’t touch you, clearly under the impression you’re going to end things.
“Arthur I… I feel I owe you an explanation,” you say, looking at your feet. “I haven’t been honest with you. Most of the things I’ve said have been little less than lies.”
He furrows his brow, clearly taken aback by this. You look up at him.
“I don’t want to lie anymore, Arthur. I’m….” you prepare yourself for the worst. Most men you can think of would be upset at dating an outlaw. “I’m an outlaw. The boys I run with are a gang.”
He sighs and smiles. “Jesus, darlin’! You nearly scared me to death!”
You look at him in shock. “What?”
“Honey, I don’t care that you’re an outlaw. You wanna hear one of my secrets?” He grabs your hands and leans in. “I’m an outlaw too. I run with a gang. Men, women, even a kid. Not my kid, course, but he’s a good boy.”
You smile up at him, your gut feeling considerably lighter. “Oh thank God. Can I ask which gang?”
He scratches the back of his neck. “I run with Dutch Van der Linde.”
Your heart skips a beat. “Van der Linde?” you say.
He nods. “Somethin’ wrong?”
You swallow. “Possibly. Arthur, I… I run with the O’Driscolls.”
He lowers his brow and his eyes widen. His hands let go of yours. “The O’Driscolls? You run with those assholes?”
“Arthur, I can explain. It wasn’t really my decision and-”
“Save it,” he growls. “Your gang has caused nothin’ but heartbreak and anger for my gang. Van der Linde is like a father to me and Colm killed his girl.”
“And Van der Linde killed his brother!” you say. You’re not really sure why you’re getting defensive, but you know one thing: Arthur has a huge problem with your truth.
“Word is Colm hated his brother more than anyone else,” Arthur snarls. “But he killed Dutch’s girl. They were gonna get married! And you run with those fools? I can’t even tell ya how much trouble you’re bunch has caused us?”
You blink away some tears. “I thought… Arthur, I thought you wouldn’t care. Just because I run with them doesn’t mean I’m like them. I hate Colm more than you can know, but I can’t get out.”
“No one’s forced to do nothin’. You can leave whenever you want. But I’m gonna tell ya somethin’, Y/N.” His eyes darken and he squares his jaw. “If you choose to stay with them, you and I can’t be together no more. I refuse to be associated with a goddamn O’Driscoll.”
You lower your head and look down. You want nothing more than to leave, but if you do, Colm will butcher you. “I want nothing more than to run away from him, Arthur. But… he’ll kill me.”
He sighs heavily. “So you’re gonna choose to be a coward. Well, forget about things with me then, Y/N. I refuse to waste my time on an O’Driscoll.”
His words sting and he marches over to his horse, mounting up and leaves. Out of all the things that could have happened when you decided to come clean, this was not it. Your chest suddenly tightens painfully and your stomach just feels like it’s gone. You take a step over to the cliff’s edge and sit down. You’ve never despised your gang more. They’ve taken everything from you. Your family, your freedom, and now your lover. You can’t say you blame Arthur for leaving and you can understand his loyalty to his gang. He’s also right about you and you feel like a coward.
After a bit, you get yourself up and ride off to Six Point. When you get there, you finally let yourself cry. How can you go on with your gang now? You’d been so happy with Arthur, happier than you’ve been in years, and now it’s gone. Life with your gang seems even darker than before.
*************************
The next day, Colm comes, but he doesn’t want you to return to the gang’s hideout yet.
“Turns out Van der Linde was behind the massacre here,” he says. “Only one way he could’ve known about this place. That coward Kieran must’ve been behind this. I also heard a rumor.” He glares at you. “One of my boys said he saw you talkin’ with a fella named Arthur Morgan. You know he’s one of Dutch’s boys, right?”
You swallow. “Yes. I was merely telling him this is our turf and he should get lost.”
“I see, though I doubt it. From what my boy was tellin’, you looked like you were friendly with him. More than friendly even. I can handle one of my men feelin’ attracted to other men, as long as they don’t act on it. But I will not accept anyone falling for a Van der Linde, you got me, boy?”
You nod your head. “Yes, sir. I am not attracted to Morgan, but I understand.”
“You always was a bad liar. Now I need to go somewhere for a few more days, but when I come back, you’re comin’ with me. Now if I hear you’re fraternizing with any more of Dutch’s boys, you ain’t gonna like what I do to ya.”
With that, Colm stomps out of the cabin and rides off. You’re left shaken. “Goddamn it, Arthur,” you say quietly. “Why must you be… you?”
****************************
Two days later, you’re still at Six Point. You haven’t left the cabin since Colm threatened you. You’re sure he’s staked out some of his men in Valentine to keep an eye on you. As far as Arthur goes, you’ve heard and seen nothing. You miss him more than you care to admit, but you’ve already given up on ever seeing him again. He made it perfectly clear how he feels about you.
You’re beginning to wonder if running and taking your chances would be worth staying with Colm. After all, it’s not like you get much money from his jobs and you’re no more safer staying than you are running. He’s turned around and shot his men several times over stupid things. You weren’t one of them out of mere chance. More than that though, you’re tired of hiding. Hiding who you are and what you look like.
Just as you’re beginning to think of a plan of escape, where you’ll go and what you’ll do, a knock comes on the door of Six Point. It’s not Colm. He never knocks. Perhaps it’s just a weary traveller in need of shelter from the torrential rain outside. You readjust your high bun and put your hat back on, pulling the masculine disguise back together.
When you open the door, you don’t find a traveller. Arthur’s standing on the porch, his hat in his hands.
“What are you doing here?” you say quietly, trying to cover your emotions. Your voice is surprisingly steady. You fold your arms around yourself, waiting for his anger.
“I came to apologize for the things I said, Y/N,” he says softly. “I know I made some assumptions without botherin’ to ask you if they’re true. I know you ain’t runnin’ with Colm out of affection. He’s the reason you gotta dress like a man, I’m guessing.”
You nod and take your hat off. “Yes. If he ever finds out, I’m dead.”
Arthur purses his lips a bit. “Well, darlin’, I… I’m wonderin’ if I can propose somethin’ to ya.” He waits for you to respond. When you don’t, he goes on. “I was thinkin’ you could abandon Colm, come with me into my gang. You’d be the safest there.”
You look up at Arthur. “Does Dutch know? Does he know that I’m an O’Driscoll?”
He sighs. “I told him about ya. He knows. He… weren’t too happy when I told him how I feel about ya. But I told him you’re little more than a prisoner with Colm. You’re only loyal out of fear.”
You sigh and turn around to face the interior of the cabin. “I’m guessing it’s not enough to convince this Dutch to let me in. He’ll probably question my loyalty to him as well.” You turn and look at Arthur. “If I stay here, I’ll remain a prisoner. But if I go with you, I’ll still be a prisoner. Arthur, I’m trapped no matter what I do.”
He walks in after you. “Not if I have anythin’ to say about it. It ain’t like I’m bringin’ ya in against your will. I got a lot of weight in my gang, Y/N. If I say you’re stayin’ and you’re alright, Dutch will listen to me. It’ll help a lot when he sees how useful you are to have around. Just help with the work and you’ll be accepted soon enough. I ain’t sayin’ it’ll be easy, but it might be the best chance you have.”
He waits for you to respond. He’s right, of course. You know you’re already walking a thin line with Colm and it’s only going to get thinner. Arthur may very well be your salvation and, like he said, within the ranks of Colm’s greatest enemies is where you’ll be safest.
“Do I have to keep on disguising myself?” you ask.
Arthur smiles. “Absolutely not. We got plenty o’ women in camp and none of ‘em are ashamed of looking like women.”
You smile and reach up, undoing your bun. It feels good to let your hair flow down just past your collarbones. You run a hand through it, aware you need a shower. You quickly change into a set of more feminine clothes, which you bought with Arthur a few weeks back. After washing your face, you look hardly recognizable from the man the O’Driscolls think you are. You’ll be able to slip past them easily enough.
“Okay, Mr. Morgan,” you say. “Take me to Van der Linde.”
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For the BotW asks: How many hours do you have logged? Favorite mechanic? Did you get a house in Hateno Village? Enemy that scares you the most? Most annoying enemy? Funniest death? Most frustrating part of the game? Something you want in botw 2? A go to recipe? Did you ever shield surf? If so how much? Do you consider yourself having a Linksona now that you've played BotW? (tumblr is being stupid and logged me out... hence anon)
Okay, so I’ve answered some of these already, but I will answer the new ones!
2. How many hours have you logged?
I’m not really sure because my Nintendo Account is weird and doesn’t tell me, but I think it’s between 300 and 400 hours.
20. Did you get a house in Hateno Village?
Yes! It was one of my favorite side quests! I keep all of the Champions’ weapons in there because I don’t want to break them!
23. Enemy that scares you the most?
Lynels. They’re the only ones that routinely and consistently kick my ass, not to mention how after I beat Ganon they all turned to Savage Lynels. However, I will not deny that the initial piano riff of the Guardian still gives me heart palpatations.
24. Most annoying enemy?
Mounted bokoblins and keese. Mounted bokoblins are terrible and I wish they all would just go away and leave me and my horse alone, but keese just���make all matters worse. You’ll be fighting a hoarde of enemies and suddenly a goddamn KEESE comes in and I’m like? Really??? Honey???? This is none of your business??????? Not to mention that they’re EVERYWHERE and just come at the worst times.
28. Funniest death?
The death itself isn’t really funny, but I have Hero’s Path Mode because I got the DLC, which basically shows where you’ve been and how you’ve died, and I died approximately 30 times in the same area on the Great Plateau because I tried to fight those bokoblins by the skull near the bridge. For some reason I just…could not beat them, and it’s really funny to just watch my little cursor die so many times before moving on to the next place I’d been.
36. Most frustrating part of the game?
You’d think it would be rain, but I actually HATE how snow and sand slow you down! It’s a PAIN to lose all that defense and perks by equipping the snow and sand boots, and I wish that the Desert Voe and Snowquill outfits just did that on their own.
42. Something you want in Breath of the Wild 2?
A bigger supporting cast that plays more of a role in the story! And playable Zelda! (Maybe multiplayer gaming?????)
43. A go-to recipe?
Anything hearty. I had my sheikah sensor set to target big hearty radishes for the longest time, so now my meals consist of EXCLUSIVELY Hearty Fried Wild Greens.
50. Ask Anything!
Do you consider youself having a Linksona now that you’ve played Breath of the Wild?
I don’t think so. I’m not really sure what a Linksona is, but I’d like to find out!
Send me a Breath of the Wild Ask!
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mobile post of all my information for the anon who wanted a mobile rules / bio. i could make a google docs but i’m burnt out. please also note, i haven’t even GLANCED at my bio i wrote for elijah since 2018, so uh... i should probably do that. sorry if it’s bad.
ONE. due to the nature of my roleplaying style, there will absolutely be mature themes here and there on this blog. all and any mature themes that involve sexual topics of the nsfw variety will only be written with muses that are 18+. as for those people that are 18+ that follow me, i fully understand if you do not want to write any nsfw content, and if any threads lead to that we can fade to black. just ask me, i’m fairly easy going and more than happy to make people feel welcome. it is not a requirement to rp nsfw content with me and i will never force anyone to do that. !
TWO. this is a selective/private blog. i really only roleplay with mutuals, however you’re more than welcome to reply to any of my open starters if i specify that you can but just know i might not reply because i (1) don’t know your muse, (2) have zero muse for the reply and will get to it later, (3) have no interest in the thread, or (4) am uncomfortable with something on your blog. roleplaying is also a HOBBY for me. i work full time and sometimes i genuinely cannot reply fast. if you hassle me to reply to things, i will not want to roleplay with you and it will turn me off from roleplaying with you completely. in fact, if you harrass me to reply to threads, i will automatically unfollow you because i’m not about that life of being pushed to reply to things. if you spam my follow button to try and get my attention, that will result in a soft block on your behalf. please don’t test my patience. if you do not have your ooc name on your page i will not follow you, due to me thinking hiding your ooc alias is shady and sketchy af.
THREE. i love shipping and i love roleplaying so much. this is not a single ship blog and none of the ships i portray are at the same time (unless further discussed with muns, of course).MY PRIMARY CHLOE SHIPPING PARTNER IS @TURINGTESTEE, which means that if kamski mentions chloe in a verse, he's most likely talking about this chloe. if there are any verses that kamski is going to have one single ship, i will make sure to let people know that in the verse description section once i make it. otherwise, my muse is a free for all. if i do have mains, which will be listed, they are just the people i will reply to the most, however, i won't actually limit myself to only roleplaying with them and i hope my mains respect and are comfortable with that.
FOUR. tagging triggers is something that means a lot to me as i am not comfortable with NEEDLES OR PUPPETS on my dashboard so i blacklist needles tw and puppets tw. i know it’s weird but hey, we all have our things. please let me know if you need anything tagged- even if i don’t personally follow you. you deserve a clean and safe dashboard to roleplay in. WARNING.
FIVE.anon hate will be deleted on the spot. no exceptions. i don’t care about your petty feelings and i won’t tolerate them in the slightest. i’m not here to entertain horrible people’s opinions of myself. constructive criticisms are allowed, but at the respect of myself reblogging a meme asking for it specifically.
SIX. mutuals are allowed to ask for my wire or discord, since i use both and would love to rp on both. i also play dead by daylight on ps4, so if you’d be down to game as well, feel free to hit me up there too! overwatch on ps4 is ITSGEOFFREY so you can add me there too.
SEVEN. i very rarely will send in passwords, as i do not require it and i should not have to be tested on your blog to be allowed to roleplay with someone. usually if you have a password, i genuinely just didn’t think to look for it and i apologize if this upsets you but you probably won’t see any from me.
EIGHT. please take into consideration while dealing with kamski that he has high signs of NPD & a huge god complex.
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BIOGRAPHY
NAME: Elijah Dean Kamski
ALIASES: Eli, Lij, Boss, Kamski
GENDER: Male
AFFILIATION: Cyberlife Technologies, currently retired
AGE: 36
THE START
there's many days where the kamski family would have a bit of struggles, as elijah grew up. he never knew much about his father, seeing as his father passed when he was a very young boy — no more than six. he'd never grown to know too much about him, and his mother didn't overly want to share about him, so it was safe to say the woman had a reason for not telling elijah and that was that.
growing up with a single mother who had severe epilepsy, elijah tried his very hardest to make his mother's life as easy as possible. school days would be very short considering he'd go straight home from school in order to watch after his mother. some days with his mother, depending on the medication the doctors had recommended her, would be better than others. she always appreciated her son's committment to being with her and he was determined to make life easy on the two of them. using the money she got from the state, she'd try to urge her son go into extra cirricular activiies he wanted to do, however he only dismissed the ideas, claiming that he'd rather be home. he'd use the money to spend on textbooks, wanting to develop his own version of a Vagus nerve stimulation device. one that would make sure to surge with electrical pulses before his mother even remotely had to move herself to activate the device. computer engineering was his goal, and he'd stop at nothing to get through that.
as life continued on, elijah continued to shove his head into books and continuously study. he pushed through high school faster than anyone had expected, at age ELEVEN he had shown his studies to multipile colleges, showing his theories on how to better create medical devices.
THE CHANGE
the university of colbridge had been a struggle for elijah, being the youngest student there. studying medical engineering was easy, and he had decided to double major in computer engineering as well, to perhaps attempt to integrate the two. though school was difficult, the hardest part was being away from his mother. the school had refused to let him travel back and forth, saying that freshmen had to stay on campus as apart of regulations and requirements from the state. when he started college, his mother had decidded upon asking the state for a caregiver- on the off chance that something did happen. with the VNS that was already implanted in her, she was able to have a job during the day, but the caretaker was supposed to just oversee her during the nights. it settled eli's anxiety about his mother a little bit. four months into his freshman year, eli had woken up to a call from the san antonio police, letting him know that his mother had been rushed to the hospital after having a grand mal seizure and hitting her head on their marble counters. apparently the caretaker assigned to look after his mother hadn't even shown up that night. he quickly rushed home, terrified what had happened.
something, however that night had turned elijah into a bitter person. into someone against humanity. though his mother had survived the seizure, things weren't the same for either of them. after knowing his mother's caretaker had ABANDONED her, elijah had fully decided to go more into engineering to create a way for humans to be more reliable. what was more reliable than humanity? MACHINES. something that would always obey. obedient machines that had a purpose and a task and would see it through. dropping fully out of medical engineering, elijah settled for computer science and engeineering instead. the utter drive to create a better human than humans themselves was so strong that by the age sixteen, elijah had worked together with a team of classmates to create the first medical assistant androids. REVOLUTIONARY KICKSTARTER model 100, or RK for short. RK100 was born and tested on his mother, who seeemed quite uneasy, but only wanted to support her son.
ENTER CYBERLIFE
though it wasn't perfect, the ark series took off. mainly piquing interest in san diego, california. the backbones of the mega-billion dollar company that would be founded by elijah kamski and his cohorts suddenly had at least three hundred backers trying to support the small business after seeing what a success the RK100 was at being not only a companion for his mother, but also how helpful the RK was at it's job. the medical caretakers were able to do so much, and suddenly with the money that was being thrown at the group, elijah became more than enthused with power. hungry for it, almost.
making more medical related androids were being highly requested, and the team set out to create diffrent functions for androids, trying to perfect everything.
taking into consideration his mother — his finest mentor and most trusted support, and what she thought of the androids, he sought out to consult with his old AI professor, Amanda Stern, on how to make the androids a bit more lifelike. It was hard, at least for what his mother admitted, for a human to trust a machine that looked like a machine to help themselves out through life. upon her advice, eli threw himself into work, the team of cyberlife growing into a business, and then a wide scale company alongside elijah's work. no matter what, the man was the front of the company, having done the majority of the coding and research in what brought the androids to life. the company sought after targeting the cheapest land developments in the united states in order to make their headquarters and warehouses, bringing CYBERLIFE to DETROIT, MICHIGAN where it currently resides.
it takes kamski four years after founding cyberlife to come out with a brand new appearance for his androids. something human like after struggling and struggling to engineer the perfect components to theorize biological functions. this equiptment created became biocompotenents, but it still wasn't enough to make thes he was creating look HUMAN. but after all the struggles and finally figuring out a way to regulate something akin to blood into the android's system, elijah kamski in the year 2022 releases the RT REVOLUTIONARY TURING model; a personal assistant to elijah kamski that uses the alias ' CHLOE '. Cyberlife has been thurst into the spotlight and once again Elijah Kamski realizes that these advancements in the world have honestly made people envious. the public demands the rights to these androids and while he still is bitter over humanity and the lack of reliabilty that humans provide for the world, he obliges. Cyberlife goes public with their androids and the public are now able to put a price tag on androids.
THE REVOLUTION
the world that assumes elijah kamski is nothing but a greedy, power-hungry boss of a CEO for cyberlife overlooks one important fact: he still wants revenge on the world. his mother passes on at the age 43, a few years before his greatest mentor amanda stern passes. the loss of both role models awakens a vengeful force in elijah kamski. one that wants to remind the world that mortality is relevant for all. cyberlife has created over thousands of models, all for different functions and he looks upon his kingdom with hopeful eyes as well as bitterness. humanity has become less reliant. they've become lazier. androids have become the working force, for the most part, and while elijah sees that as a positive note because it is moving forward away from the laziness and unreliability of humanity — the CEO is fully aware that his androids are becoming more and more human like the more and more they develop. the deviant base code is never once touched. always overlooked by cyberlife developers who dare not touch the work of the first working android made by elijah kamski himself. while he's aware he, himself, is mortal just like the rest of humanity, seeing his creations become sentient, to rise up against the laziness and unreliable humanity that he lives among has been his goal. he just awaits the REVOLUTIONARY KICKSTARTER 200 to actually get pushed to the brink of going through his code.
now it's just a game of waiting to see who pushes who, and who comes up on top. it's always a delight to play god.
THE SIBLING ALTERNATE UNIVERSE
i'm not going to be writing a brand new biography for the gavin / elijah brothers universe, but i need to work out how they can be related with my current bio, or i might just go off of a gavin's biography. shrug emote.
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In Eterno: Il Diamante 💍 (uno)
This series (and chapter) have been a long time coming. Halfway through the main story of NN, we were still saying Alexander would never get married. Well, this is the proposal chapter. I want to give a smut warning, for which an anon that sent me a lengthy request for NN before is responsible so for the game in the first part of this chapter, I want to give credit to them (it was a long time ago, but you know you are if you read this). I might have also teased the circumstances of this proposal in an ask game before, but I’m not sure. Anyway, I could not have written this without Elana, who helped me so much with it and just makes the story so so much better. Please enjoy x
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There had seldom been a time in which Jade had been unable to stand looking at Alexander's face. Even now, it frustrated her that she couldn't look away, that she could not hate the way his jaw tensed, the way his nose twitched, the slight movement of the right corner of his mouth. She'd grown to love every inch of him, of his body, the features of his face as well as every scar, the branding he was soon going to get rid of, because it had all shaped him and made him who he was and she loved him and everything he stood for.
But the smug expression that laced his flawless features when his lips had spoken something so utterly frustrating and unbelievable for her, it made her blood boil, her fingers clench into fists and stare back at him in disbelief as he sat there calmly, leaned back in his chair, unaffected.
The look in her eyes was something Alex had never been confronted with, at least not without an equally as strong glimmer of lust and appreciation. He'd never taken it this far, not with his relentlessness when she begged him for mercy and he tested her patience, to give her what she wanted, not when attempting to tell her what she could wear, what she could do, not when he'd thought she'd betrayed him. The bright green had never been quite so frightening, had never challenged him quite like this before.
Jade swallowed, her features expressionless as she tried to compose herself. She had spent the past three and a half weeks working on a deal she knew would change the company, something she had planned out and thought of all on her own after Alex had bestowed her with a significant opportunity of taking responsibility, of her first ever operation she would conduct all by herself. Much like Alexander, she had decided that due to the risk, the fact that her plan was rather bold and daring, she would take action herself, would not send anybody but rather go herself and take the necessary security, had been assured that she could first and foremost count on involving Helders and Cook, as well as those that the two trusted the most in the kind of deal she was going to make. She had rarely ever worked harder, thought so much about the shortcomings of a plan, considered every possible consequence, closed every glimpse of even the smallest loophole and she had rarely ever been more proud.
As if she had not heard him the first time, or could have not possibly acknowledged in her head what he asked of her, Alexander had the nerve to repeat himself, the same smug, conceded look on his face that made her want to shake him.
“Yeh're not goin'.”
His voice was firm, unfazed, he didn't blink. And it was clear that he was sure that he was going to get his way, that his word stood above all and that realisation frustrated her further, fuelled Jade's anger tenfold. She struggled to even acknowledge his ridiculousness with a response, had no words for the sheer audacity. “Alexander...” She breathed in deeply, knew that if she lost her temper now it would not do her case any favours. “You can't do this.”
His eye twitched, his gaze locked on hers, unimpressed. “I can” he stated. “And I will. If yeh dun't change the plan yehrself, weh're goin’ teh drop it altogefer.”
She gasped, her mouth agape as she stared back at him, attempting to speak, but she once again was lost for words, shaking her head in disbelief. “I've been- … I … I've been working on this for almost a month!” She bit her bottom lip, her eyes wide, desperate as she tried to calm herself. “And it's too daring to expect anyone else to do it but me.”
He shook his head. “'s too dangerous” he insisted.
“Why did you let it get that far?” She asked. “Why did you not tell me the moment I explained the plan to you? I wouldn't have gone this far, I wouldn't have gotten my hopes up, made all these promises...”
He pressed his lips together, gritting his teeth, her stubbornness furthering his adoration for her as well as it angered him. “Jade, I didn't know.”
“This is not about the police's suspicions, Alexander.” She crossed her arms in front of her head, felt a hint of satisfaction when she saw his eyes lowering to look at the way her posture pushed up her breasts in the tight, low-cut black dress. “Don't lie to me.”
His eyes darkened, his lips trembling. He knew he was being unfair, but her safety was more important than anything and he could not risk putting her in danger, losing her so she could go through with this plan, be proud, prove something that everyone already knew. He'd sworn that if he had to do this, as hard as it was, that he was at least going to be fair, but he was going to get what he wanted at all costs. “I 'ave never been more honest 'bout summat” he assured her. “It ain't 'bout the police, Jade. 's about the fact tha' word travels fast and tha' when weh're under closer suspicion, our enemehs are gunna dare more because they won't expect us to make a move as darin' as the deal yeh've been workin' on. I cannot make yeh an easeh target like this, il mio amore.”
His voice remained as authoritative and as self-assured as before, but his words were soft, but as tempting as they were, as much as they weakened her and as well as she understood his motives, she refused to back down, not in the face of their enemies, not in front of him. She had worked hard and she was going to go through with her plan the way she'd created it from the beginning.
“Yeh dun't 'ave teh call it all off. Send sumbodeh else. Change the settin'.”
“I can't change anything now” she spat, slowly losing her self-control. “It's too late, it's all set into place. You know that.” She stepped forward and walked around the desk, had remained where she was since she'd entered his office and he without missing a beat had broken the news to her. And as well as he knew that if he gave her the chance to change something, she would rather let the deal fall through and ultimately give in to what he wanted all along, she knew that he was not going to change his mind if she told him what he already new. Every moment that passed, every moment he continued to contemplate the situation, his own agenda was becoming more and more secure and less likely to have a loophole so the moment she rose to his feet to meet her, she placed her hands on his shoulders, smoothing them down his matte blue suit jacket.
Alex relaxed visibly under her touch, the tension leaving his shoulders momentarily. He was still on guard, did not expect for a second that she had caved, that she would give up without a fight, but the moment she brought her face close to his and the rich scent of roses enrobed him, he was unable to resist, returning the kiss she captured his lips in instantly, hard, eager, his hands coming down on her hips, his grip tight, pulling her in, one of his hands wandering to the small of her back to push her body flush against his.
She gasped into the kiss, an instant sense of relief rushing through her when he allowed her to do exactly what she wanted, hopeful she could distract him, could maybe change his mind, soften him if she gave herself up to him now.
Alex had rarely ever worried about her to the extent he did now, knew that no matter what it took, he would make sure she stayed safe and sound with him and would not put herself in danger, but he welcomed the momentary distraction, the way it was so easy to give in to her and let her take care of him, groaning when her fingers wandered slowly into his hair, the other nimbly undoing the remaining buttons on his shirt.
The dominance of his tongue dancing with hers, his firm grip on her, she could hardly contain herself, the attempt to sink down on her knees in front of him failing when he pushed up her dress with ease, hummed with appreciation when it bunched up around her waist and he could push her legs apart effortlessly, the flimsy material of her lace thong allowing him instant access to her, her thighs parting reluctantly. Despite the game she was playing, it was not only incredibly easy for him to flip the switch, it was the fact that she could never resist the moment she got a taste of him, was always gone the moment his rough fingertips caressed her skin, the cold metal of his ring against the heat of her folds making her buck into him further, squirming when without a warning, he pushed two fingers inside her, let them sink in mercilessly and without allowing her to get used to him, her walls fluttering, desperate to adjust to the snug fit, her knees shaking.
She tried to tell herself that if she couldn't tease him, giving him what he wanted would do the trick just as much, would lead to him completely letting go because he would not suspect any sort of game and when he curled his fingers inside her, drew back from the kiss to look at her with their foreheads pressed together, there was no way she could have kept up a game, his thumb pushing into her clit so deliciously, tending to the throbbing need he'd built up inside her with merely a few touches and it left her unable to focus, her body pressed to his, her fingers pulling on a fistful of his hair, the other hand gripping on to his shoulder to steady herself as she stood on her tiptoes, gasping when he sank back down into his chair and bent her over his knees.
He chuckled darkly, the satisfaction that her soft whimper gave him when he drew his fingers from her fuelling him. He rolled up his sleeves slowly, locked eyes with her the moment she turned to look at him over her shoulder, licking his lips, pleased when she stayed in place despite his momentary lack of restriction. “Jade, I'm gunna spank yeh.”
She breathed out shakily, it was beyond her to question his motives, it was best to let it happen the way he wanted, and she would enjoy it, the throbbing emptiness between her legs begging to be touched, filled, but the moment she saw him crack his knuckles, there was nothing she craved more than the stinging pain his palm would inflict on her skin.
The complex matter of figuring out how to not only make the plan secure, but also now convince him to let her go through with it left her with a desperate need to be taken care of, to forget about it all for just a moment, benefits for her pleasure as well as her plan and all worry went up in smoke when his flat hand collided with her ass, the other smoothing delicately up her back in contrast, making sure she stayed down and in place where he wanted her.
Alex reveled in the sound of her long, high-pitched moan, licking his lips when she attempted to wiggle her ass, already silently asking him for more. “Me darlin'...” he drawled. “Wha' is it tha' yeh want?”
“Spank me” she cried without a second thought, the stinging sensation already fading and she needed desperately for him to reignite the fire. “Please, Alexander...” His scent was as overwhelming as the complete dominance he had over her, the depth of his voice irresistible.
“Tha's me girl” he hummed, his fingers wound into her hair to hold her head down, then his palm met her ass again, the way her body shook and she winced bringing him an immense sense of satisfaction.
“More” she whined instantly, the way he rocked her hips into his thigh had her craving more and she tried to angle her hips for the firmness of his thigh to push into her throbbing clit before his hand next smacked down on her ass, unprepared for the three relentless hits he landed on her burning skin without missing a beat. “A-Alex, I-ooooh, yes...”
The sobs of her moans had not left him unaffected and he could see how needy she was, trying desperately to get any sort of friction she could and he moved to nudge her legs apart, barked at her to keep them spread unless she wanted him to leave her desperate as she was now and without a warning, he brought his flat hand down hard between her legs, watching with satisfaction as she despite the obvious blend of pain and intense pleasure, her legs shook and she kept them spread, contrary to the instinct of closing them. “Mmmm, yeh can beh a good girl...” he hummed, unable to keep himself of praising her. “'ave yeh 'ad enouf?”
Despite her desperate need to orgasm, her arousal soaking the inside of her thighs, she needed to feel the punishing force of his hand again, the stinging sensation burning so deliciously, so blissfully that she didn't have to think twice to ask him for more. “N-No...”
Alex chuckled darkly. “Need a little more pain, eh?” He teased. “'ow mooch?”
“Please” she whimpered, tears pearling down her cheeks. The mere thought of his cock inside her had her mouth watering, even just a simple touch of his fingers making her wetter and she was sure he'd felt her arousal pooling between her legs, running down her skin. “As much as you give me...”
“Mmmm” he hummed, gathering the wetness leaking from her on his fingertips without as much as touching her where she needed him. “Yeh need it, dun't yeh?”
She nodded eagerly, would have gladly taken more teasing just to make him happy, to show him how obedient she could be, gasping when he smacked her ass and pushed her forward again, her breasts pushing against the bulge in his tight suit trousers as one of his hands closed around her throat before his fingers took advantage of her parted lips to push into her mouth, allowing her to taste her own arousal.
He groaned when her lips closed around his fingers instantly and she sucked greedily on them, her tongue swirling around them and threatening his own composure. He landed another hard blow on her ass, watching her writhe in his lap.
“Mmm, Al-mff...” she whined, squirming, but ultimately leaning into his touch, unable to speak with his fingers pushing deeper into her mouth, her eyes wide.
He couldn't contain himself anymore, needed more, needed to dominate her fully. “Jade” he drawled, the temptation of her tongue around his fingers, the warmth of her mouth too much. “Why dun't yeh get me cock nice 'n wet for meh, eh?”
She obliged instantly, needed no telling twice and shifted eagerly to undo his belt buckle, reaching greedily into his trousers to pull out his cock, hard and throbbing in her hand and she looked up at him with wide eyes, the image almost too much for him and he could hardly muster the self-control to draw his fingers from her mouth but the moment he did, her warm lips closed around his cock, took him all the way into the back of her throat, her tongue flattened and pressed to the underside of his shaft and he brought his hand down on her ass again, gripping on to the red skin as she mewled around his cock, sending vibrations up his body and swallowed around him.
It took him all his self-control to not buck his hips up from the chair and push his cock further into her mouth, but he gripped on to her hair to keep her down firmly, only loosening his grip when she pushed against it to come up for air, squeaking when he landed another smack on her ass, her eyes widening as she rocked forward on his lap.
“Enjoyin' this, are yeh?” He drawled, another hit between her legs before he pushed his fingers right into her, a long moan falling from her lips, but he stilled his movements instantly, waited as her walls danced around his fingers to get used to them, get used to the stretch and he chuckled when she turned her head to look back at him in confusion, smoothing back her hair. “'m waitin'.”
Instantly, she shuffled to be able to take his cock into her mouth again, his fingers shaking as she massaged the base of it, gagged when he pushed down on the back of her head, her hair wound around his fingers, but the moment she swallowed around him again, swirled her tongue around him, started to slowly bob her head when he allowed her to, he started to slowly move his fingers inside her, had her hips shaking when he drew back his fingers, then pushed them back in, curling them inside her and lifting her hips.
“Yeh're so fookin' wet” he drawled. “Onleh get this wet when I spank yeh, dun't yeh?”
She whimpered around his cock, felt him pull out his fingers merely to spread her wetness around and tease her further, dipping the tips of his fingers inside her, teasing her by forcing her to feel her sensitivity, then pushing them in all the way again, toying with her, keeping her on the edge, slowing each time she got distracted and waiting for her to keep sucking him before he continued.
The way she was squirming in his lap, moaning on his cock with her best efforts to pleasure him then, he could hardly hold back, the tightness of her lips fuelling his need, his fingers gripping her hair automatically to keep the heat of her mouth down on him as he throbbed between her lips. “Fookin'ell” he groaned, felt himself getting closer, pushing his fingers deeper inside her. “Make meh cum, pupa, c'mon...” he groaned. “Make an effort.”
His command had her desperate to obey, wanting to prove something to him, her walls closing around his fingers, the burning stretch as he stroked at her walls so delicious that she knew she was nearing the brink, her legs shaking as she tried to focus on him, wanted desperately to get him there, bobbing her head and each time she let him sank all the way inside closed her lips around him tightly, swallowed around his tip while teasing him with her tongue, gripping on to the base of his cock with her other hand fisting his shirt as he pushed her all the way down and she felt him twitch inside her mouth, his warm release coating the back of her throat, filling her mouth without a warning, his grunts, his strangled moan obscene and easily the sexiest thing she had ever heard as she drank it all down.
As he calmed, smoothed his fingers through her hair, his fingers also started moving slowly inside her again, almost automatically, lazily fingering her as he fed her his cock to ease through the afterglow, felt her body tensing, sensing her release as well as something that only came to him now, an opportunity he couldn't ignore.
She was dangerously close, gagging for her orgasm and she could already taste it, the movement of his fingers speeding up, his thumb coming up to slowly start toying with her clit, nudging it over and over again with an increasing amount of pressure as he pleased and just as he allowed her to lift off his cock, as she tensed, her lips parted in a silent cry before she would let go, he drew his fingers from her, pulled her up slowly by her hair, the look in his eyes relentless as they met hers.
“I fink weh'll save this one for anofer time.”
Her breath was shaking, her body frozen and she gasped with disbelief. “No...” she whispered, her voice small, desperate. She couldn't wrap her head around his words, her heart sinking as her pleasure slowly faded, the emptiness between her legs throbbing, demanding to be taken care of but he rose from his chair slowly when she stood and steadied herself with her hands on the desk, watching with wide eyes as she tucked himself back in and did up his belt. “Alex, no...” she begged. “Please.” Never had he been this cruel, never had he been able to deny her this way, but when he started gathering his things and walked around the desk, she knew better than to stay as she was, fixed her dress, her mind still dizzy with lust but there was an anger rising inside her as she watched him.
“I mean...” he stopped, turning around by the door to look at her. “Unless yeh want t'call off yehr plan.”
Her body tensed and she forced herself to compose herself, knew it would have been easy to give in to get what she wanted, but the fact that he had done this, had decided to make a point by torturing her like this, it were her pride and defiance that prevailed and gave her the necessary resistance, wiping her mouth, then following him with her face expressionless, refusing to give him the satisfaction of begging him any more, of showing him just how much he'd bothered her.
Alex didn't attempt to touch her then, knew better than to fuel the anger further and as aware of his own cruelty as he was, he knew there was no other way, knew that he had to keep her from the job she was desperate to do with whatever it took, would be unable to live with himself if his weakness would be the reason something happened to her.
He waited for her to get into the car first, had now begun a game he couldn't help but continue playing, needed to use it to his advantage while he could and the moment he sat down next to her and the car drove out into late night traffic, he shifted closer to her, his hand coming down slowly on her knee.
Her entire body tensed, but before she could give in to her first instinct of pushing him away, she calmed, relaxed into his touch, knew that giving him the satisfaction would only further his ego, his agenda of weakening her. No matter how weak he was going to make her, how desperate she would be because it took mere seconds each time for him to affect her, she was not going to show him and fuel his confidence in his despicable actions.
Alex hummed with satisfaction when she didn't draw back, instantly pushing up her dress and the moment his knuckles nudged her thighs apart enough to feel the fabric of her underwear, he felt the obscene wetness that had gathered there, was still leaking from her entrance, begging to be attended to and he enjoyed the way her breath hitched in her throat immensely, the way she parted her lips to show him she could resist.
The moment he touched her, she almost regretted her decision, knew she could only handle so much and the authority of his actions blending with her desperate need to orgasm didn't help, but she knew she couldn't give in now, had to stand her ground, but before she knew it, she was parting her legs further and then his lips were at her ear, his breath ghosting over her skin.
“Jade, I'll let yeh cum...” he drawled thickly, his thumb nudging into her clit, making her whole body shudder. “If yeh dun't do the job.”
She pressed her lips together, but the soft whimper that escaped from the back of her throat betrayed her as she shook her head.
“Yeh'll take all the credit, pupa...” he coaxed, his fingertips dangerously close to her soaking heat, his thumb rolling lazy circles into her clit, making her body jolt into him each time he added more pressure. “'s yehr plan and yeh can watch it unfold...” He knew it was something he would never do himself and he admired her hopelessly for the work and risk she was willing to dedicate to the business, but he could not fathom the thought of her in danger.
She stood her ground, the legs tense with resistance, desperate, but she knew that even if she relaxed, he would stop right when she needed him and she wasn't going to give him the satisfaction of her moans, her pleas, thankful when the car stopped in front of Miles' club and he was forced to stop because as much as she gagged for more, she didn't know much longer she'd be able to hold back.
She went to stride ahead, gave him the perfect view of her ass bouncing in the tight dress and he couldn't resist but reach out, snake his arm around her to drag her into his body, felt the defiant reluctance in her posture but the moment they entered the club and heads turned, she instantly curved into him, couldn't resist the momentary attention and admiration.
“There they are!” came Kane's drawl as he rose from his seat in a table to their left, smiling and spreading out his arms for both of them, lightly rubbing Alex's back and pressing a kiss to both of Jade's cheeks. “Fanks for showin' ya face, Al, ya made this possible after all” he cackled, then turning to signal to one of the girls to come over as he led them to his table, the two women that had been sat with him getting up to make space.
Considering what had happened last time, Jade was determined to not involve Miles this time, it would show way too obviously to Alex how bothered she was by his behaviour and she hoped by not giving him the necessary satisfaction, but not displaying the weakness he instilled so easily within her, she would teach him a lesson.
But the moment she sat down, Jade sat between him and Kane in the curved, plushy velvet booth, Alexander's hand found its way up her thigh again and there was nowhere she could move. She'd already been close to the brink in his office, he'd almost gotten her there again in the car, but now that she'd been denied twice, had been aching for him all day, she was growing more and more desperate, painfully aware of the wet emptiness between her legs, her walls contracting in the hopes of some sort of friction and when she attempted to press her legs together beneath the table, Alex's fingers were right there, his knuckles spreading her thighs apart and she sucked in a shaky breath, barely concealed the high-pitched moan that had threatened to escape her as his fingertips reached out lazily to merely graze her wet folds, to show her just how desperate she was from one simple touch, the slightest contact.
Alex chuckled darkly as her eyes met his, her glare challenging as well as frustrated and he shifted closer to her, simultaneously pushing his fingers just slightly against her clit before angling his wrist to reach properly, to stroke his fingers through her wetness, gathering up her arousal even though it was hardly necessary to prepare her as his fingers sank into her wet heat again. The way her body shook had his mind reeling and he watched her struggling to sit still, to not squirm when Miles' attention focused on them slowly.
“Been workin' all day?” He asked. “Swear ya might beh worse than Al, bella” he chuckled.
Jade swallowed hard, shifted to turn her body towards him, but the movement only made her walls feel tighter around Alex's fingers and she forced her eyes to stay open when they almost threatened to flutter shut beyond her control, licking her lips. “My deal is going g-great” she nodded, ignoring the shake in her voice, hoping he wouldn't notice, wondering if Kane could tell, her mind clouded with lust. Alexander's actions were infuriating, not only because he was driving her mad, but because she was turned on by how resistant she had to be when all she wanted was to give in. “Everything is ready.”
Alex listened to her, the nerve she had, sensed that despite her obvious weakness, she had no intention of caving, that she was determined to spite him and while he couldn't blame her, it infuriated him, had him curling his fingers harshly inside her and making her body shiver. “C'mere, Jade” he drawled decisively, drawing his fingers out of her merely to snake his arm around her hip and before she could protest, he'd pulled her into his lap, made sure that her dress rode up far enough for the roughness of his belt buckle to rub against the red skin of her ass. “Theere weh are...”
“Alexander...” she mumbled, pressing her lips together at the harsh friction between them as he pulled her into his lap, trying to situate herself comfortably, but he had other plans, the way he touched her fuelling her mind to conjure up images of less than an hour before, his fingers in her mouth while he was playing with her, torturing her, demonstrating his power.
The movements of his hand were not only hidden beneath the table, but by reaching behind her, her dress covered enough at the front for him to subtly start teasing her again, spreading her ass enough to reach, to feel the wetness she was surely going to soak her legs with and even without his fingers inside her, he could feel the throbbing need, the way her muscles were contracting. “Mmm, sheh's been workin' 'ard” he drawled, smiling at Miles, nonchalantly pushing his fingertips into her heat again, slipping inside with ease, the stretch welcome and he hummed, smoothed his other hand soothingly down her thigh when he felt her squirm, pressing a kiss to her shoulder.
Miles cackled, taking a sip from his drink, then nodding approvingly when one of the girls he'd waved over placed two glasses of whisky in front of Alex and Jade. “I were in a few meetin's, sheh conducts 'erself joost as well as you, Al” Kane smirked. “Maybeh even better.”
Jade smiled proudly, but the slow motion of her reaching out for her glass seemed too unaffected for Alexander's taste, his fingers pushing all the way inside her and making her rock forward, his hand on her thigh the only thing holding her firmly in place and she gasped as she almost spilled her drink, taking a long sip while she cursed him in her mind for how casually he spoke, how unaffected he remained while he tortured her. But she wasn't ready to give in.
“'elped meh solve me problem wif the inappropriate guests as well” Miles continued. “Found ya match alreyht, Al.”
She felt Alex's forehead resting against her shoulder, felt the touch of his fingers softening, smoothing down her thigh again affectionately, her defiance swaying for a moment because she knew after all that he was just worried, that he was proud and had acknowledged all her hard work, that if the circumstances were different they wouldn't be in this situation but his extensive worry, the constant awareness that something could happen to her at any point, the additional danger that the past few days promised, it was all about her safety. He was not going to back down and it was that fact that almost had her caving, wondering if there was any point in putting up a fight but she had come so far and she would not throw it all away now. She wanted to see how far he would take it and if she could reach his breaking point.
“Also” Miles declared. “I were finkin' of maybeh redoin' upstairs of private rooms teh … well, sum of the girls said they'd beh down for escortin', eh? Would make me place even more popular, dun't ya fink?”
His gaze was directed at both Jade and Alexander and it had Alex proud to know that he valued their opinions equally, nodding slowly. “Yeh fink they'll beh able t'andle tha'?” He asked, curling his fingers slowly again.
She was well aware of what he was doing, silently cursing Kane for bringing up something Alex could easily use against her, attempting to lift her hips to escape his touch but once again, his grip was locked firmly on her thigh, making her gasp when his fingers filled her up, her walls closing around them, desperate for more, desperate for the friction she knew he was going to deny her.
“Might beh quite a lot teh take on” he drawled, shifting slightly and letting go of her thigh to reach for his own drink, his adam's apple bobbing in his throat visibly as he swallowed hard, then breathed out with his nerves eased. Again, he curled his fingers inside her.
“A-Alex...” she choked out, biting down instantly on her bottom lip, frustrated with herself.
“Yes, pupa?” He drawled.
Even with her back turned to him, she could hear the smug smile playing around his lips as he spoke, bounced her teasingly in his lap, his fingers slipping out of her just slightly before she sank down on them again, her fingers gripping on to the edge of the table. “N-Nothing” she said, batting her eyelashes, then looking back at Miles. “I think it's a great idea. They're all wonderful.” She let her gaze wander across the small stages. “I think they can handle it.” Before he could do anything to expose her again, she quickly finished the contents of her drink, unable to see an outcome of this situation that she would win, but she had not quite given up on the possibility yet.
Miles cackled, but turned when one of the girls tapped his shoulder, pointed something out to him and left him occupied, Alex taking an advantage of the situation instantly, drawing his fingers back slightly, only to push them into her again, the friction effortlessly building her pleasure again, her breath shaking.
“C'mon, doll” he coaxed, his lips pressed to a sensitive spot of skin right below her ear. “Y'kno' yeh need this...” He pressed a kiss to her neck. “Joost give in...”
She could hardly breathe as the movement of his fingers suddenly sped up, careless and so fast that she wondered if he was going to have mercy on her, her body tensing, her knuckles turning white on the table and she was so close, his thumb nudging into her clit, circling it with more and more pressure and Jade could practically taste it, her eyes threatening to tear and she knew that even if she was going to let go in the middle of the club, she had to conceal it as well as his actions before, bracing herself and biting her lip, forcing her eyes to stay open. He stroked harder at her walls, instilled that burning sensation between her legs that had her struggling not to rock back into his touch and fuck herself on his fingers. And then, from the corner of her eye she saw Kane refocusing his attention on them, her heart stopping momentarily when she felt the feeling of building bliss fading again, gasping silently when Alexander drew his fingers from her abruptly.
“Anehbodeh want anofer drink?”
And with those words he lifted her slowly from his lap, her ass burning when it suddenly met the material of the booth again, her body shaking and he had the nerve to look back at her, lock her gaze knowingly, satisfied that he'd gotten there again, had shown her how good he could make her feel with her falling for his false promises and she glared back at him, complete and utter disbelief as well as disappointment laced in her features. “Vaffanculo” she spat, crossing her arms in front of her chest.
He merely pursed his lips, did not graze her with even a turn of his head as he rose from his seat and headed slowly for the bar and she could have sworn he nodded to himself, the intense reaction she'd initially expected absent and it fuelled her anger further as she swore to herself to not fall for him again, to especially now not give in but the prominent throbbing in her legs bothered her now more than ever, his slow swagger purposeful and drawing attention to his backside, his hand pushed lazily into his pocket. But before she could continue going to the bathroom to ease her agony, Alexander had returned to the table with three glasses, the suggestive smirk still playing around his lips, begging to be wiped off.
“Wha' were tha' about?” Kane asked, looking slowly from Jade to Alexander as he looked up from his phone.
“Jade 'as not 'ad an orgasm for a few hours.”
Jade tensed. “I-...”
“D'ya want one of me rooms?” Miles asked, raising an eyebrow.
“Weh do not” Alexander said, sitting back down beside her, taking a sip from his drink before his fingers stroked slowly up the inside of her thigh again.
“Well” Miles cackled, downing his own drink with one large sip. “I'm gunna 'ave it then” he announced, clapping his hands together and making his way upstairs slowly, snapping his fingers for two of the girls to follow him.
For a moment, Jade was relieved she didn't have to pretend, but at the same time, Kane leaving fuelled Alexander to keep up his efforts, to now shamelessly and largely unnoticed pull her back into his lap. “Alexander, I'm not-...”
“Shhh...” he drawled, spreading her legs apart and shuffling closer to the table to conceal the movements of his hands, the material of her underwear soaked through completely and he drew it to the side with ease, his fingers once again teasing her entrance, making her jolt up in his arms when he flicked his thumb against her clit.
Her hand gripped on to his lower arm and she could feel the tension of his body, his arms straining as he held her, his chest firm against her back, radiating a heat that weakened her as much as the spicy cologne that tickled her nose, clouded her mind. His power had turned her on even before she'd met him, even more so his unshakable determination to get what he wanted and not back down until he got his way and now he was using it against her, now she was on the other side of it and she didn't know how much more she could take, her nails digging into his skin as he wiggled his fingers inside her again, stroked slowly at her walls but was demonstrating his control over her, holding her body in his arms as she shook in his embrace.
He wanted to make her feel good, was desperate to get her there but willed himself to be patient, to not allow her to make him weaker even though he'd turned the tables on her so easily. He knew that he wouldn't last much longer either, his mind a war between his promise to always protect her and the urge to never deny her what she wanted. He could feel she was struggling just as much, could hear the little whimpers she couldn't swallow and he despised the fact that he had to hold back, but knew it would be worth it, knew there was no way he could give in and live with himself if something happened to her, would not have stuck to something so defiantly had it not been for her safety in the face of something so dangerous. Now he had his plan and he was going to get her to give in.
“Alexander” she mewled, her legs beginning to shake as he spread his, hers hanging on either side, forced apart helpessly. “P-Please...”
He stroked his fingers delicately over the sensitive skin at her throat, humming with his lips pressed to the back of her neck, breathing in her hypnotising scent. He just wanted her to listen to him, to agree that she was going to be safe so he could be at peace without him having to admit just how afraid and worried he was about the impeccable job she'd planned. “'s easeh, pupa” he whispered, more soft-spoken than he would have liked. “Give in teh meh. I joost need yeh t'beh safe.”
Her eyes rolled back when he curled his fingers harshly inside her, simultaneously flicking her clit, over and over again, making her legs tingle as she gasped for air, his voice a deep drawl so close to her ear as he continued, husky, thick, his breath audibly shaking.
“Y'kno' yeh're gaggin' for it, darlin', I can feel yehr cunt shakin'...” he rasped, his fingers slowly closing around her throat, feeling her breath hitch in her throat as he curled his fingers and pushed his thumb into her clit with more pressure, a force she couldn't resist, repeating his motions but leaving enough time between them to not build her pleasure high enough, leaving her dangling on the edge. “If yeh joost call it off, I'll give yeh evrehfin' yeh want...” He pressed a wet kiss to her skin. “Yeh can cum on me fingers and I'll fook yeh until yeh're sore. All fookin' night, Jade...” He was desperate now, could no longer bear the thought of her not having what she wanted, nor of her putting herself in danger and he needed her, would have done anything so she would submit. “Yeh can 'ave anehfin' yeh want, me angel...”
She was struggling to maintain her composure, spread for him in his lap and hardly able to hold on, his touches never quick enough for her to get where she needed, but the intensity brought tears to her eyes, her body shaking in his arms and she was no longer capable of staying quiet. His words weakened her, leaving no doubt that he was genuine, that he respected her, was proud of her and merely wanted her to be safe and she knew she would have been equally as reckless, as stubborn and even though she didn't forgive him, she knew there was no way she could expect him to cave when it came to his desire to protect her, his determination and demonstration of power a reflection of the lengths he would go through to keep her from harm, not only defying others but even her.
“Ti adoro, principessa...” he growled, urging her to let go with his fingers, could tell that she was dancing dangerously close to orgasm.
He knew her body inside and out and she knew there was no way around his conditions, tears pearling down her cheeks, her entire body shaking, tense and exhausted from trying to resist him and she ached to just let go, to relax into him and allow him to make her feel good. She would not have given in to anybody else, but he knew her too well, pulled the strings effortlessly and she felt for him too deeply, knew she could no longer fight him, her thoughts so blurred by her desperate need to let go that nothing else mattered as she shook in his arms. “Y-You win” she sobbed out reluctantly. “I won't go.”
The moment he heard her words, he breathed out with relief, released the breath he hadn't realised he'd been holding and he squeezed her neck lightly, the movement of his fingers speeding up rapidly, his other hand moving upward to push two fingers past her plushy lips and feeling her suck on them instantly.
His voice was rough, a demand as well as a plea. “Let go for meh.”
She was light-headed, thankful for his fingers in her mouth, not only to hold onto something, somehow, but also to silence her as he got her there within seconds, pushed her over the edge as the knot in her stomach finally loosened and the waves of pleasure washed over her, her body shaking violently in his arms, her eyes falling shut. After all the built up tension, all the times he'd brought her close to the edge, she was finally able to relax, her entire body rigid with ecstasy, her skin tingling, the friction his fingers evoked between her legs burning, little shocks of pleasure cursing through her as she calmed, his fingers squeezing her neck, his lips still pressed to her shoulder as he held her.
“Theeeere yeh go” he hummed, his fingertips stroking gently over her chin. “Tha's me good girl, fook, darlin', I luv yeh so mooch.”
The pleasure was still jolting through her, her breath shallow, a soft whimper escaping her when he drew his fingers from her. “Alexander...” she whispered, clinging to him weakly.
“D'yeh want meh teh take yeh 'ome, me love?” He coaxed, his hands tugging down her dress once he'd adjusted her underwear, stroking her thigh gently to soothe her. An immense relief had overtaken him and he could not wait to make it up to her, to give her everything he'd promised her and more, to show her that he did not take her surrender for granted, that it soothed him immensely and he was eager to apologize for the measures he'd taken at her expense to ensure her safety. “I'll make all me promises come true.”
No matter how frustrated she was that he'd taken advantage of her weakness for him, she had given up now and the only good thing that had come of it for her at that moment was that she would get to enjoy what she hadn't been able to be deprived of so she nodded, her lips pressed together. She'd surrendered for a reason, and she was going to take full advantage of it, was not even close to satisfied and the moment they were sat in the car, she climbed into his lap, her hands coming down on his shoulders to steady herself, Alex's hands coming down beneath her thighs to stop her from sinking down on him.
“'old yehrself up for meh, pupa” he drawled, looking back at her with a darkness, a promise in his eyes, could see in the way she returned his gaze that she was impatient, that she refused to be played with any further and he had every intention of treating her the way she deserved now, instantly unbuckling his belt and zipping down his suit trousers, giving himself a few tugs before shifting his hips so she could sink down on him at the perfect angle, hissing with pleasure when he felt the obscene wetness between her legs engulf him, her walls accommodating to his size with ease now that she was was soaked and had been denied for too long. “Fookin'ell, Jade...”
Her eyelids fluttered, her eyes threatening to roll back into her head at the mere feeling of him finally filling her, thick, pulsing and making her walls burn as they contracted around him, the sensation of being neglected for so long, of even his fingers not satisfying her properly, it was pure bliss.
Alex's eyes were wide, as wild as they were intense, taking in the way her knees shook and he pressed his hand to her lower back, making her arch into him so he could sink deeper inside her, watched the tears pearl down her smooth skin as her eyes fell shut and he didn't find it in himself to tell her to look at him, knew he'd tortured her too much to demand anything now and he groaned when she lifted her hips, pushing herself up, then sinking down on him again, started rolling her hips into his at a pace that caught even him by surprise and he brought both his hands instantly down on her waist, gripping on to her firmly, slowing her pace. “Yeh dun't 'ave teh rush, darlin', I've got yeh...” he said, his heart skipping a beat from the way she looked back at him the moment she opened her eyes, gave him a look of disbelief as he held her hips down so she felt him deep inside her, pulsing, filling her all the way up.
“Alexander...” she moaned, breathing out shakily as she tried to keep up her pace, but couldn't push against his strength when he insisted on keeping her locked in place. “I-I swear if you don't-...” She tried to compose herself, knew she'd already given him the satisfaction of getting away with his stubbornness, knew he was well-aware of how weak she was for him, but she could not believe he was still insisting on teasing her, had not quite forgiven him. She was willing to forget for the time being though, needed nothing more than what he'd denied her for hours.
“Use yehr words, pupa” he drawled, cocking an eyebrow at her cockily, a sense of mockery in his tone.
“Shut up and stop teasing me” she whimpered, her voice less firm than she would've liked as he bounced her slowly on his cock, but the movement stilling instantly once he heard her, his grip tightening on her hip with one hand, the other moving up to wrap around her throat, a light squeeze as he raised an eyebrow, chuckling darkly.
“Wha's tha', darlin'?” He growled, his jaw tense, the muscles visibly straining in his arm.
She kept her gaze locked on his, swallowing hard, her voice even weaker as she spoke, her breath hitching in her throat. “You said I'd get anything I w-want” she cried through gritted teeth as he bucked his hip upwards demonstratively. “D-Don't play with me...”
He pursed his lips knowingly, the corners of his mouth tugging upwards into a smile and before she could ask him again, he'd flipped them over, his fingers remaining locked tightly around her throat and she gasped, her cheek pressed against the headrest of the backseat and with no time to adjust her position, to catch her balance, he started driving his hips into her mercilessly, one of his knees up next to hers on the seat to maintain the angle, to be able to fuck her as hard and as fast as she clearly needed, fuelled by the way she submitted instantly, her body relaxing to take what he was finally giving her.
“Y-Yes...” she whined, reveling in the bliss she'd been desperate for for so long, moaning needily as he held her down, properly took care of her in a way she could relax and take him without having to move with him, his cock stroking her walls over and over again punishingly, the friction blissful, the intensity overwhelming, promising a state of euphoria she was desperately longing for, every stroke of his cock burning, weakening her, his skin rubbing against the redness of her ass making her wetter at merely the though of him spanking her. “Ohhh, yes-...” she cried, her voice trailed off into a high-pitched moan, her whole body shaking as she felt herself impossibly close to the edge and then he buried himself deep inside her, groaning against her skin, biting down on her neck, his heart pounding so hard in his chest that she could feel it pressed against her back.
The waves of pleasure washed over her, her orgasm surging through her, finally giving her what she needed but also leaving her instantly to crave more, her hips bucking back into him to get him to sink deeper inside her as she felt him pulsing inside her, two more contractions of her walls and he twitched, released inside her with a low grunt, bucking his hips up once again, his grip tightening around her throat as well as her hip to keep her right where she was, panting, gasping for air.
It took the car stopping for him to draw back slowly, pulling out with a low moan but making sure she was steady, tugging down her dress so she could turn around and sit down and he quickly tucked himself in before the doors opened on either side.
Despite his hand pressed to the small of her back as they made their way into the building, despite the closeness of their bodies, she was barely looking at him, kept her eyes either on her heels or allowing them to wander to Helders and Cook standing on either side of them in the lift. Alexander missed her laughter, could not remember when he'd last heard or seen it in the past few hours and the way she looked at him when his gaze did meet hers, he doubted he would get to anytime soon and there was a growing concern building inside him that he really had pushed it too far, that despite her giving in to him, despite him giving her the orgasms he'd promised, she had not quite forgiven him.
“Jade” he rasped, his hand wandering slowly to her side as they walked to the door, squeezing her hip lightly as he pressed his lips to her ear. “Wha' is it you want?” He was prepared to give her anything she asked, merely needed the words for her to tell him and he would make it happen unconditionally.
She turned to him, her gaze burning into his, leaving him breathless for a moment. “I want you to fuck me as hard as you can” she whispered, licking her lips. “I want you to make me cum until I'm crying.”
Her voice was like velvet, a promise, an invitation and he was eager to prove to her that he could make all her wishes come true, fuelled to take her so hard and so good that she would forget he'd ever forced her to give in to get his will and the moment the door closed and they left Cook and Helders on the other side, Alex without a word had her backed her up against the door in no time, pulling her dress up and spreading her legs with his knee pushed between her thighs, his fingers finding her clit instantly and she winced, overwhelmed with how close he was, how his scent trapped her as well as the force of his hips and chest, her body jolting back into his, squirming but the moment he started rolling her clit between his fingers, trapping her between the door and his body, she relaxed, her arousal as well as his own running down her legs, the simple touch of his calloused fingertips coaxing more from her.
“This wha' yeh want?” He drawled, backing further into her, his crotch pressed against her ass, the friction of the material of his suit rough enough to reignite the memory of his palm colliding with her red skin.
He was drawing her towards the edge effortlessly, took mere moments until she fell apart under his touch again, his arm wrapping around her tightly. “Tha's me girl...” he hummed, losing no time to turn her around in his arms, the moment he gripped the underside of her thighs, she wrapped her arms around his shoulders, had him humming appreciatively.
Her head fell down on his shoulder, holding onto him tightly until he set her down on the edge of the bed, a simple gaze enough for her to shuffle backwards, her eyes wide, almost drooling as she watched him roll up his sleeves, revealing all his scars and tattoos slowly before he came closer, lowering himself down onto the bed and before she could close her legs, his hands were sprawled out to force them apart, now tearing her thong for good and discarding it to get access to her, knew that he could not possibly tease her right now and he was prepared to give her as many orgasms as she craved, her entire body shuddering at the intensity of his tongue coming in contact with her clit.
“F-Fuck...” she cried, her hips lifting off the bed instantly. “Yes...”
He spread her wetness with his tongue, dipping the tip inside her for a moment, his nails digging into her skin as he held her down, then pulled her closer so she could wrap her thighs around his neck, her heels digging into his back and he started lapping up the juices eagerly from her overflowing entrance, spreading it between her folds.
The way his nose nudged into her clit, the way his tongue worked so blissfully, adding more and more pressure by the second, she could hardly contain herself, moaning loudly as she gripped on to his hair, already feeling another orgasm approaching. She was drunk on him, drunk on the lust he inflicted within her and the ecstasy he offered and she couldn't get enough. Her fingers were wound tightly in his locks, the slicked back look coming undone as she pulled on them, her body shivering as he moaned, the vibrations making her legs tighten around his neck. “A-Al-...”
He groaned, licking his tongue flat through her folds before sucking her clit between his lips, alternating between pushing the tip of his tongue into it forcefully and sucking on it in a way that had her squirming away and lifting her hips towards his mouth all at the same time, her head thrown back and her eyes shut tightly.
The pleasure was agonizing, the sensation as tortuous as it was blissful and he had to hold on to her legs to hold them in place, his fingers gripping her ass, rubbing against her sensitive skin and with one last push of his tongue, a hard flick against her clit, her body shook violently again, her lips parting in a silent cry. He eagerly drank down everything she gave as he coaxed her through her orgasm with his tongue, held her as she panted and gasped for breath and he waited for her to stop shaking before he set her down and lifted his head to look at her, licking his lips.
Her head was spinning, her mind clouded with lust as she watched him carefully, taking in his every move, couldn't think straight as he hastily unbuttoned his shirt and shrugged it down his arms, revealing the tight muscles of his chest, his arms, his abdomen, his skin slightly sheeny with sweat and she gasped when he slowly crawled over her.
“Take off yehr dress, darlin'” he groaned, holding himself up with his hands flat on the mattress on either side of her, his gaze locked on hers. “Need t'see yeh.”
She nodded eagerly, lifting her hips pull up the dress, with one swift move drawing it over her head and dropping to the floor, squealing when she felt Alex lowering himself down over her, his fingers lazily parting her thighs for him again, angling his arm to brush his calloused fingertips teasingly to her folds, lower to circle around her entrance until they slipped inside easily, her chest shaking and she held her breath as his fingers filled her, his thumb instantly pushing into her clit, making her mewl at the sensitivity his tongue had already evoked, but the moment she tried to squirm away, he pressed down harder to hold her in place, the pressure bringing tears to her eyes.
“O-Oh, A-Alexander...”
“I'm givin' yeh wha' yeh wanted, babeh girl...” he hummed, pecking her lips before his kisses trailed down her chin and to her jaw, sucking lightly on her neck before attaching his lips to her collarbone, had her lifting her body off the mattress and into his touches, desperately trying to get closer while attempting to fuck herself on his fingers but he kept them buried deep inside her, starting to stroke his thumb into her clit before he began massaging her walls, curling his fingers repeatedly inside her to get her used to the feeling again, to not overwhelm her.
She whimpered, the feeling of his teeth grazing her skin, the intensity of the snug fit of his fingers too much and she knew he was going to mark her on the outside as well as the inside, a choked moan falling from her lips when his lips descended further down her body and he sucked on her nipple, his tongue swirling around it, his other hand coming up to massage her breast, pinching her nipple until she cried out his name again.
“'ow mooch more can yeh take, Jade?” He drawled before moving on to suck on her other nipple, the touch of both of his hands rough, the way he handled her body making her writhe beneath his touch. “Yeh can take more than this...”
She nodded eagerly, biting back a sob, her fingers fisting the sheets as well as clutching on to his hair, scratching at the skin of his back, mewling needily. She'd lost all control of her movements, her thoughts, was being taken care of in the way she knew she deserved after what he'd put her through and before she knew, he was building her orgasm again, coaxed her closer and closer to the edge, starting to fuck her lazily on his fingers while sucking on her skin, slowly and strategically seeking to ruin her, her entire body tensing once again when he curled his fingers right into the spongy spot that made her legs shake.
Her lips parted but there was no sound, the pleasure that ripped through her leaving her almost motionless and struggling to breathe, Alex's fingers stroking blissfully at her walls, an effortless demonstration of how easily he could make her come undone, only drawing them out when she winced and flinched away.
“Jade” he whispered, stroking his fingertips slowly down her inner thigh. “D'yeh want me cock? Does yehr cunt need t'beh fooked sore?”
She could hardly nod, her eyes fluttering open to beg him. “Please.” All her resistance, all her dominance had faded now and she was desperate for more.
“Come 'n turn 'round for meh” he demanded.
Jade pushed herself up weakly, propped up on her elbows to turn around, thankful when his arm wrapped around her to help her up, lifting her ass in the air until she was on her hands and knees for him at the edge of the bed, tensing in anticipation when she heard his belt buckle and zipper.
Alex hummed with satisfaction when the moment he brushed his tip against her folds, nudging her clit, she whimpered, squirming away before he lined himself up with her entrance, making her entire body shake, his hand coming down on her lower back to hold her in place, the other stroking lovingly over where he'd stained her skin red.
The mere thought of his cock filling her had her drooling, had her growing wetter and she tried to push back her hips, mewling when he held her in place, her arms almost giving in as she held herself up and then without a warning, he pushed his hips forward, had her jerking forward, her arms giving in, her breathing erratic.
“Angel” he drawled at the slow arch of her body, smoothing his hand down her back. “'s it too mooch?”
She shook her head, didn't find the strength to lift her body, her breasts squished down against the mattress, the satin sheets damp against her cheek. “P-Please” she whispered, her voice nothing but a hint. “P-Please, I need it-...” He felt so big, her walls hardly able to clench around him with how snugly he fit inside her, the stretch burning, stinging.
“Lil' bit swollen, eh, principessa?”
He accentuated his words with a push of his hips, drawing back and dragging his hard length back against her walls before pushing inside her again, knocking the air from her lungs momentarily. “F-Fuckfuckfuuuck...”
He chuckled, starting to pick up a slow pace, could feel how tight she was, how her walls were desperately clenching around him to get used to the feeling and he groaned when he reached deep inside her, her heat pulsing, wet around him and he moved faster, started fucking her harder, each time he filled her up, the softest moan fell from her lips, her entire body rigid with tension, her knees shaking, threatening to cave as he fucked her mercilessly into the mattress, fuelled each time she sobbed for more.
She could hardly move, her throat dry, barely a sound leaving her lips. Her body was aching but she craved more, the way his cock brushed against her walls roughly, made her feel taken care of in a way that had her never wanting to stop despite her sensitivity, despite the weakness he'd reduced her to and she was unsure how many more orgasms she could take, but far from admitting it as his cock reached deep inside her over and over again, the more she moaned the harder he fucked her, hitting that spot that sent her spiraling and just as she was about to let go, he slowed, reached forward and wrapped one arm around her body, his fingers around her throat to pull her up and she fell back against him, her back arched and pressed against his chest as he stroked her throat, starting to pick up the pace again, the skin of her ass burning as their bodies collided and he built her orgasm again effortlessly, his hand clamped down on her breast, the other moving upwards, letting his fingers slip into her mouth.
Just when she was convinced that her orgasm was just going to build and build but she felt too weak to actually trip over the edge, it hit her, left her unable to breathe once again as he rocked inside her, his movements slowing as she clenched around him, stroking her throat in the same rhythm to ease her through the pleasure, holding her as tight as he could, well-aware she was unable to hold herself up at this point, sucking greedily on his fingers as if it was the only thing she could hold on to.
“Jade...” he drawled, his lips pressed to her ear, his breath shaky, eyes fluttering shut. “I've got yeh, me love … I've fookin' got yeh...” He assured her, setting her down gently, a tear on his heart when she collapsed on the bed and he drew back to pull out of her, felt her clenching around him as if to keep him right there, buried in her heat.
“N-No” she cried weakly, her voice shaking. “No, you can't stop now...”
“Darlin'...” he whispered worriedly. “Yeh're gunna pass out...”
“No, no, Alexander, I need you...” she whispered, attempting to turn her head to look back at him over her shoulder, trying to push herself up again but he shook his head, brushing the sweaty strands of hair that fallen into his face back, his skin shiny with sweat and flushed pink at his chest.
“Yeh stay down, pupa...” he said quickly, dropping his suit trousers and already pushing himself on the bed, his knees propped up on either side of her thighs, stroking the redness of her ass. “If I take yeh again, I want yeh teh fookin' relax...”
“You promised me” she sobbed, her head spinning and she laid it down again the moment he stroked his fingers through her hair. “Y-You said...”
“I know...” he drawled, his voice laced with lust, as deep as it was soft. “Yeh're gunna cum wif meh, alreyht?”
She nodded, shifting to feel him, her breath hitching in her throat when she felt the tip of his cock at her entrance, the feeling even tighter with her legs pushed together, her eyes rolling back when he pushed inside, a sound more obscene than anything he'd ever heard falling from her lips. “Are you gonna cum inside me, baby?” She begged. “Please...”
“Anehfin for you, angel...” He groaned, unable to control himself and with his hands on either side of her body, his knees propped up to steady himself, he started to pick up the pace again, his movements increasing in difficulty as she clenched around him with every thrust of his hips, felt more swollen and tight each time he brushed his cock against her walls, the friction making him moan loudly and he knew he couldn't hold on much longer himself, the choking sounds falling from her lips too much to handle.
She was certain she had taken it to far, clutching to the sheets as pain and pleasure blurred into a wonderful bliss, her eyes wide open but rolling into her head each time his cock reached deep inside her, her walls pulsing, melting around him, the friction burning as he stretched her open. The waves of her last orgasm had hardly subsided when she could already feel the flames of another approaching, the firmness of his grip, the tight feeling of him pushing inside her, the way he was grunting above her, his muscles so tight – she squeezed her eyes shut and the tears rolled down her cheeks helplessly, cooling her hot skin and without a sound, without a single movement, her walls contracted around him again, melting weakly.
Alex gasped, felt the tightness with which she enveloped him, overwhelmed with an adoration for her, endlessly appreciative of much she gave, how determined she was to always push herself and be good for him and she cried out softly when he pushed deep inside her, twitching and releasing with a loud groan, his grip on her tightening as he panted for breath, his eyes wide open as he stared at her, the way her hair sparkled and her skin was glowing, her ass spanked red after she'd once again allowed him to handle her the way he pleased.
Her heart was pounding as she felt him still pulsing inside her, knew he'd filled her up once again, the heat of his release soothing her sore walls as she lay in a state of pure bliss, her lids heavy and her eyes shut tightly, her body tingling with pleasure and she whimpered when he pulled out of her and she heard him push himself off the bed, felt the mattress shifting.
She lifted her head slightly, blinking and looking back at him. “Alexander...”
“Tha's worn yeh out, eh?” He drawled, watching her lovingly, instantly stepping forward to help her when he realised she wanted to turn around, her arms shaking when she sat up, her eyes growing wide.
“I need more...” Her voice was small, raspy.
Alex swallowed, his adam's apple bobbing visibly and he shook his head. “Jade, I can't...”
Silent tears were streaming down her face, her lips parted. “You promised” she whispered. “You said anything I wanted...”
“I dun't wanna 'urt yeh, pupa...”
“You won't” she whispered, her breath shaking. “I'm begging you, Alexander, please...”
“One more?” He couldn't deny her anything, couldn't turn down the challenge, too dedicated to making her feel good, to doing whatever she wanted him to.
She breathed out heavily, nodding. “One more.”
“Lay back, principessa...”
She squealed, slowly lowering herself back down, humming when he parted her legs again, his hands hardly having to do anything as her thighs just spread for him, situating comfortably on the bed. “Yes...”
He chuckled darkly, slowly lowering himself down on the bed again, his fingertips teasing her entrance but the moment he attempted to push them inside, a noise fell from her lips that had him drawing back instantly, the way her hips twitched softening his gaze. “Reyht...” he said, his voice gentle. “Joost me tongue then, yeh?”
She sobbed, nodding before her eyes fluttered shut, humming needily when he blew cold air at her wet skin, licking up her folds slowly, nudging her clit with the tip of his tongue, her body tensing.
“Darlin'...” he mumbled. “Are yeh sure?”
“Please...” she whimpered. “B-But be gentle with me.”
His heart nearly broke, his grip loosening on her thighs and he covered her core slowly with his lips, licking up and down her folds teasingly, getting her used to the sensation, every small touch he landed even close to her clit making her jolt up and whimpering weakly. He wanted to make her feel good, to make her melt on his tongue and satisfy her like he never had before, give her everything she deserved.
His warm tongue stroking at her folds, spreading around her wetness was as soothing as it was electric, only gradually easing her into the pressure he started to apply to her clit, this time not attempting to fill her, merely focused on her throbbing nerves, waiting for the way her body responded before he continued, the affection in his eyes overwhelming each time she managed to open hers and meet his gaze.
While all the other orgasms had been quick, rushed, angry and eager, this one he built slowly, was determined to make it last for her, allow the pleasure to slowly build again to make sure he wouldn't hurt her, wouldn't overwhelm her and by the time it finally rushed over her, rather than a sudden burst of ecstasy, it was a drawn out sensation of relaxation, all the tension falling from her body as she melted on his tongue, her breath shaking but calm, his fingers stroking her thighs to ease her through it, watching her with a deep sense of love and dedication.
The room was silent, but she was certain he could hear her heart thudding in her chest, and she could hardly believe how desperate she'd been only hours before, how much he'd tortured her to only then give her more than she ever could have asked for, but just as she realised that under different circumstances she would have been on her knees to thank him, it dawned on her as her mind cleared that as much as she admired his power when he demonstrated it on other people, it frustrated her now how he'd used the most powerful thing he had against her targeted to weaken her and overpower her, had made her give up something she'd truly felt strongly about and had now brushed it off as if nothing had happened, as if he could make up for it with something he'd initially only meant to distract her with and before she realised, she flinched back instinctively when he touched her thigh, too lost in thought to understand what she'd done.
“Jade...” he whispered, his voice gentle, soft-spoken.
She waited for the apology, for his self-awareness to take over so he would take responsibility for his actions as he'd promised, but it never came and she stayed silent, biting down on her lip and keeping her eyes closed, but she could feel him shifting on the bed, turning to the side so he would face her back as he lied down beside her.
Alex's heart dropped when he realised she didn't want him to touch her, that after all, she was still not entirely at peace with what had happened. “Are yeh not gunna look at meh?” He asked softly. “Fookin'ell, darlin...” He breathed out shakily. “Are yeh still angreh at meh?”
He swallowed hard, reaching out to stroke his hand up and down her side, felt the tension that he'd meant to ease in her muscles and pressed his lips together. With a slight shift forward, he pressed a featherlight kiss to her neck, felt her shivering beneath his touch, desperate for an answer, even if she told him that she did still hold a grudge, he wouldn't blame her, but at least he could attempt to make it better.
She was frustrated with herself more than with him, she'd let it happen and she'd enjoyed it, but she wanted him to respect her the way he expected to be respected and the moment he shifted closer she shuffled forward, off the bed once she'd kicked off her heels, holding on shakily to the wall with her fingers sprawled out against it to steady herself, grabbing her gown from the chair beside the bed wordlessly and throwing it on, tying it around her waist to make her way to the balcony, her knees shaky, pushing the doors open with her arm still shaking and she stepped outside carefully, the cool midnight breeze a pleasant contrast on her warm skin, clearing her head further and even though she was aware that he would follow her, that deep down he was aware that it were his shortcomings that had brought them to this moment.
Alex watched her leave with his heart heavy, as much concern in his gaze as there was adoration and without a second thought, he shifted off the bed, grabbing his own robe as he followed her out, his throat dry as he craved a drink as much as a cigarette, but then he watched her stood there, her hair shining magically in the moonlight as it fell down her back, her fingers gripping the railing, her legs still slightly shaky but as long and as tempting as ever and he caught a glimpse of her shoulder, her skin glowing and he ached to press a kiss there, to breathe in her scent that he already missed, to feel her warmth when she curved back into him.
He took another step forward and he was out in the cold air, his skin cooled instantly and he saw her hair blow slightly in the wind, knew that she heard him, that she'd expected him to follow her and had been certain he would. He swallowed, biting his lip. Even with her back turned and her forgiveness yet to be won, it couldn't shake the feeling of how much she had impacted him tonight out of all nights, how after the least forgivable thing he had done to her was something she had allowed to be put aside to get lost in oblivion with him, how he knew that he was never going to find anyone else that was going to accept him the way he was. No one would ever compare to her, no one would ever stay with him, love him for the way he acted even on his worst days only to then do everything it took to better him when necessary.
As much as it pained him that she was turned away, was yet to turn around and smile at him, however far that was away, he knew it would have concerned him had she allowed him to get away with his obsessive behaviour, his obnoxious need to get his way and it were her integrity as much as her passion, the unapologetic brilliance and beauty that made up who she was that he had so hopelessly fallen for and could still not quite comprehend that had him weak, had him certain that she was unlike any other. As complex as the situation was, it was easy because despite it all, she was still there and she still understood him somehow, was prepared to put up with him even in his worst moments.
Now without hesitation he closed the space between them, his back against her chest and his hands cupping hers on the railing, feeling her shiver, but the tension in his body was eased when she stayed relaxed and he breathed in the overwhelming scent of her hair, felt her heart pounding still, his thumbs drawing gentle circles into the palms of her hand.
As frustrated as she was, it brought her an immense amount of satisfaction that he had followed her, was thankful that he was holding her up as well as close and she was once again overtaken by the strong spiced scent, a faint hint of smoke. Despite everything, he was acknowledging that he'd made a mistake and not carrying on as if nothing had happened now. She had missed his scent, had missed the strength of his arms and the warmth his body radiated, how his heart was pounding in sync with hers, how his lips felt when he pressed a kiss to her shoulder.
“Jade.”
She breathed out shakily at the depth of his voice, the low tone that never failed to affect her.
“I've been meanin' t'ask yeh summat.”
She stayed silent for a moment, but there was something in his voice she couldn't quite put her finger on, something she even in her defiant state could not ignore. “Mmm?”
He took a deep breath, pressing his lips together before he spoke. “I fink weh should get married.”
It was like once again, the world was spinning around her and she was relieved that with her back turned to him, she didn't have to pretend his words had not shocked her deep to her core. There was a brief moment in which she was unsure if she'd heard him right, or if he was teasing her. Even though her heart leaped, nothing that had ever left his lips had fazed her quite like those few words and her lips were already parting to respond, refusing to give him the satisfaction of her silence no matter his motives, she allowed herself a moment for the shock to set in, shaken with a sense of complete disbelief.
“Is that a question or a command?”
While he was sure she'd been able to feel his palms sweating and his heart pounding, the edge to her voice made the corners of his mouth twitch upwards, an incredible rush of relief cursing through him that she was still there, that she was playful, that she was everything he knew her to be, unsure what would have made him expect something else. “Tha' depends.”
She pressed her lips together, her thoughts running as she attempted to put them in order. “On what?”
He cleared his throat, one of his arms slowly daring to wrap around her, to pull her closer. As much as he wanted to see the expression on her beautiful features, he was unsure if he could handle her seeing his right now, was despite his certainty of his decision caught off guard by the sudden prompt of action, had come up with several plans to make the moment grand, expressive and as extravagant as he thought she would desire. But now it'd come over him, and there was no taking it back now and he tried desperately to ignore the irregular pounding of his heart. “On wha' yeh fink, me love.”
Despite her first thought having been that his sole motivation was to win her forgiveness, she was aware that this was something he had thought over and over, that he was too self-aware to not be certain about his decision, that he was already convinced what her answer would be or he would not have placed the question. “What's in it for me?”
He couldn't hold back his chuckle, his arm tightening around her affectionately. “Il mio amore...” he whispered. “Yeh'll 'ave evrehfin' yeh could ever want” he coaxed. “I'm gunna give yeh wha'ever yehr 'eart desires.”
She breathed out shakily, unable to stop herself from leaning back against him, his voice making her shiver.
“The entire fookin' world.”
Jade swallowed, her voice no more than a hint. “You're serious about this then?” She asked. “Not winding me up?”
He hummed, pressing another kiss to her shoulder, moving to brush his fingers through her hair. “Fink 's pretteh obvious I'm tryin' t'convince yeh...” he said softly. “'s it not sumfin' yeh'd beh interested in?”
The moment she turned around to face him and the brightest green of her eyes met his, his heart skipped a beat, then thudding faster than before as she could no longer keep a straight face, could no longer tease him, the hint of a smile playing around her plush lips. “Do you even have a ring, Alexander?” She asked, raising an eyebrow as she looked up at him, the absence of her heels responsible for the way he could tower over her now. “Or are you just trying to make up for earlier?”
His eyes widened, his voice confident. “'ad it for fookin' weeks.”
She tried to maintain a fairly neutral expression, nodding, but failing miserably at keeping her mouth straight. “Mmm...”
He chuckled. “Yeh need t'see it first, dun't yeh?”
Jade pursed her lips, looking at him impatiently. It was all happening faster than she could possibly comprehend, and before she could fathom what she was really waiting for, he'd already pushed away, smirking.
“Tha's me girl” he drawled, winking and brushing back his hair, a twinkle in his eye that she'd adored the moment she'd first seen it and knew would never fail to excite her. “Yeh stay reyht 'ere.”
Even as he rushed inside and she watched him go, it was beyond her how they'd gotten here, how she'd ended up stood here and waiting for him to return with a ring, had never even allowed herself to think that far, unaware not only of what he wanted, but also what she did, her eyes growing wide when he returned and popped open a small matte black box containing the most exquisite gold ring she'd ever laid eyes upon, better than anything she ever could have dreamed of. In the centre there was a large green-coloured asscher cut stone, framed by a band of diamonds that were sparkling with brilliant clarity. It reminded her instantly of the necklace sparkling between her collarbones and before she could ask, she could see shimmer in his eyes, aching to tell her everything he could to pull her in even deeper than she already was.
“'s a blend of jade 'n emerald, darlin'...” he explained instantly. “Biggest one I could fookin' find. I said nofin' but the best for me girl-...” It was the smile that spread across her entire face that cut him off, had his heart leaping and the moment he saw a tear rolling slowly from the corner of her eye, he knew he'd done everything right, could not recall a moment in which she'd looked happier, in which she'd given him the same look of love and hopeless devotion.
Despite the lonely tear that she wiped instantly from her cheek with the back of her hand, it was her voice that gave away the intensity of emotion that had overcome her. “A-Are you going to get on your knees and ask me then?” She whispered, giggling through her tears.
He smirked, trying his hardest to conceal his own emotion to do this properly, to show her that there was nothing he wouldn't do for her. “'s joost the one knee, innit?” He chuckled, scrunching up his nose. “Wha' else d'yeh need, Jade? Tell meh.”
She pressed her lips together, shaking her head. “I think I'd like you down on one knee for me.”
Alex hummed, the soft smile never leaving his face as his gaze was locked on hers and he sank down slowly on one knee, the ring held out for her to admire and he cleared his throat.
“Jade Valentina Rivera...” He licked his lips. “Will yeh do meh the fookin' honours-...”
She bit back a sob, shaking her head in disbelief at his incapability of keeping his words clean even then.
“-of becoming me wife?”
“Well, Alexander...” she hummed. “I think I'll say yes, if that's okay with you...”
He bit his lip, tilting his head to the side. “Dun't play games wif meh, pupa...” he chuckled shakily. “'m a fookin' nervous wreck...”
“Yes, Alexander” she whispered, cupping his face and slowly pulling him up. “I will do you the fucking honours.”
He laughed quietly, drawing out the ring with his fingers shaking slightly and he put the box to the side, taking her hand into both of his to place the diamond on her long, delicate finger, a soft smile pulling at the corners of his mouth when he looked back up at her, saw the shine in her wide eyes and even the stones couldn't compare. “Yeh like it?” He teased, nudging her nose with his.
Her heart was leaping and the moment she shifted closer, she brought her hand to the back of his neck to pull him in, to close the space between their faces to press her lips to his, realised then it'd been too long and the moment she felt his warm lips on hers, felt the eagerness of them, she kissed him back, the urgency desperate, feverish as he intertwined his fingers with hers against his chest, his other hand pressed possessively to the small of her back to pull her closer.
“'s twenteh-five carat, me love...” he mumbled into the kiss, sighing shakily when she forced his lips apart with her own, her fingers winding into his hair, her nails scratching soothingly through his hair, tugging on it gently. “'m sorreh for evrehfin', darlin'...”
She drew back, tilting her head slightly, her gaze softened and she brushed her knuckles gently over the side of his face, admiring the softness in his gaze, the ridiculous attractiveness of his features, the curve of his nose, the sharpness of his jaw, pressing her lips together. “Ti amo, Alexander.”
He exhaled shakily, swallowing visibly. “Jade-...” His voice broke and he pressed his lips together, his arm snaking around her and pulling her in, his other hand coming to cup her face into his hand, sprawled out and holding her right there, kissing her once again, pouring everything into the kiss that he knew he couldn't say just now, everything he knew she wouldn't listen to because she'd already forgiven him, the way she returned the kiss making him moan needily into her mouth, his grip tightening on her, his thumb stroking over her cheek, feeling her heartbeat, breathing in her scent.
There was barely any space between them when she drew back, his forehead pressed to hers and refusing to let her go, his chest radiating a warmth she only wanted to be closer to and the way he blinked, stretched his jaw as he looked back at her had her aching for him, had her wanting him even more so than before.
“Jade...” he chuckled, clearing his throat as she pressed her body close to him and he stepped forward, trapping her between his body and the railing behind her. “D'yeh need meh?”
Her chest was flushed slightly, her cheeks pink and she smiled knowingly. “I just-...”
He hummed, nodding and pursing his lips, his tongue pressed into his cheek. “Can't resist, can yeh?” He teased her gently. “Finkin' 'bout all the power, eh? Bein' by me side?” He chuckled. “Tha' gets yeh, dunnit?”
“It's the ring, Alexander...” she giggled, leaning up to peck his lips again.
“Fookin' knew it” he smirked, his eyes sparkling. “Know me babeh girl...”
“Baby...”
His heart skipped a beat and he cupped the back of her head to make sure her eyes stayed on him. “D'yeh need yehr fiancéh teh take good care of yeh?”
Her head was spinning, despite the abundance of pleasure he'd given her, she was desperate for him, could not resist his promises, the word, the diamond no her finger, she could not wrap her head around it.
“Mmmm, fookin' luckiest man alive, meh...” He hummed, his lips on hers again, kissing her with a passion even she'd seldom felt from him, the movements eager.
She was drunk on the way he held her, appreciated her, loved her unconditionally, sighing when he drew back but merely took her hand to lead her back inside the moment he felt her shiver in his arms.
“Me love, can yeh wait for meh for one moment? Recover a lil' bit?” He asked as she sat down on the edge of the bed, licking her lips. “Joost need t'call Mi 'n tell 'im...”
Her eyes widened, lifting from her ring to look up at him as he picked up his phone. “Mmm, can I tell him?” She asked, desperate to hear a reaction, to tell someone how incredibly lucky she felt.
Alex chuckled, wordlessly handing her the phone, the excitement on her face undeniable and it had him proud beyond his own comprehension how she smiled when she waited for Miles to pick up, hearing the drawl of his voice on the other line even with the phone pressed to her ear.
“Al?”
“It's me, Kane” Jade giggled. As much as she'd reveled in the privacy of the moment, the fact that she was going to share the news overwhelmed her with the reality of it and she looked up at Alexander, unable to stop smiling.
“Wha's wrong, bella? 's Al alreyht?”
“He just asked me to marry him.”
There was a moment of silence, then Miles cackled, emitting a shout of excitement. “Woo! Fook, finalleh.”
She laughed. “Of course you were in on it.”
“Bloodeh 'elped 'im pick out tha' rock, didn't I?” He cackled. “'e's 'ad it for weeks, been plannin' all them romantic fings 'n now...”
“Now he did it at home...” she whispered, looking back at Alexander lovingly. She could only imagine the lengths he would have gone through had he not made the decision on such short notice, knew it would have exceeded her expectations, but the way she felt now, nothing could compare. “And it was perfect...”
“'course t'was, bella...” He hummed. “Ya like tha' ring then, eh?”
Jade sighed. “It's so beautiful...” she whispered, her eyes widening when Alex slowly came closer to her, the look in his eyes intense, as wild as it was when he was up to no good.
“Jade...” he drawled, a nod to the phone when he sank slowly to his knees in front of her.
Her breath hitched in her throat and she could hardly pay attention to Kane's words, her legs already spreading for Alexander before his hands had come down on her thighs.
“Are ya comin' out again t'celebrate then?”
“W-We … uh...” Jade bit her lip, breathing shakily, watching Alex shake his head. “We'll see you tomorrow” she promised. “We're … um … preoccupied now...”
Alex chuckled, pressing his nose against the inside of her thigh, pressing soft kisses to her skin, waiting until she'd hung up the phone for good before he crawled up over her on the bed, untying her gown quickly, covering her body with kisses, trailing upwards until his lips met hers again, both of them breaking away with a smile and the moment he opened his eyes to look into hers, he knew that there was nothing that would have justified post- or preponing this moment, that he'd done everything right then.
“Jade?”
She smiled, licking her lips and looking back at him expectantly.
“Yeh're certain, yeh?” He drawled. “Y'kno' 'bout-...”
“Alexander.” She reached up to cut the side of his face, to smooth her thumb over his bottom lip. “Sono tuo” she whispered. “Per sempre.”
Even though he had heard the words countless times, had hardly been able to fathom their meaning as they left her lips, it was overwhelming now, left him breathless. “Tu ed io, pupa.” He smiled back at her softly. “In eterno.”
#alex turner#alex turner fic#alex turner fanfic#alex turner fanfiction#napule nights#in eterno#alex/jade#alex turner/oc#mafia!al#mafia au#The Last Shadow Puppets#arctic monkeys#il diamante#wedding series#nn#adt#writing#chaptered fic
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Up until this point, I have resisted from commenting on what's been going on, save for within a blog that's followed by a handful of people.
Unfortunately, it's come to a point where the harassment has gotten to be too much, and I feel it's best that more people are aware of what's going on.
Earlier this year, I had a medical issue which caused my medication to stop metabolizing, causing the worst symptoms of BPD to manifest. Unfortunately, this causes "splitting." Without going into detail about what that means, I will say that I was quite harsh, and that's putting it lightly. I was suicidal and leaned too heavily on two people I had come to trust, and while one of them suggested the suicide lifeline, I resisted talking to anyone for a long time. As I explained to her, in the past I was the subject of forced hospitalization, and I feared contacting the lifeline would cause me to be institutionalized again.
I made a mistake. I accept full responsibility for dumping my problems on them. It wasn’t fair. It was painful and no apology I make will ever be enough. They ultimately made the decision to cut ties with me, which I had a hard time accepting, but ultimately realized it had to be done for their own health. I respect that.
However, within a couple days, one of them posted a cryptic post aimed at me that essentially accused me of being abusive to minors. Please note that the people I was leaning on were not minors.
I had not posted anything publicly until that point, however, I did feel the need to defend myself against that. In order to get away from these people, I had moved to a new blog, followed at that point by 19 people. I knew my response would not be far-reaching, but admittedly I did hope that the one who made the post directed at me would see it. I felt it was my right to defend myself, and so I responded accordingly, in public, rather than try to circumvent the block.
Notably, one tactic bullies use to claim their innocence is to state that the person defending themselves is actually the one doing the bullying. This actually happened within the last couple days, but I still maintain that anyone being harassed or bullied should absolutely take a stand. Ignoring bullies does not make them go away. And I want to stress that up until that point, I only responded in my blog when one of them made a post directed at me. They weren't content to block me and leave it alone. They continued to instigate.
In the following week's therapy section, my therapist encouraged me that instead of responding directly, I should instead write small snippets of prose (since I'd told her I enjoyed writing) focusing on how I felt instead of on the people involved. I ended up writing two of them, each around 300 words. The first involved sound sensitivity, and the second was about how I was trying to find a new way to dig myself out of the hole I'd dug myself into. The second one was especially important to me because we'd been discussing new pathways of thinking, and I thought the metaphor was clever.
Neither prose piece was about the other people involved, nor did they make any mention of them.
The next day, two people posted long, public letters containing half truths about their version of what happened. They released incredibly private information with which I'd trusted them, and the letters were extremely abusive. The posts used language usually reserved for speaking about r*pe and p*d*philia, contained internet buzzwords regarding abuse and manipulation, and one person backed up their posts with "a friend told me this is manipulative."
Not only were these letters fairly hyperbolic, but they never once gave any reason behind my actions. They didn't state that I was sick, that I was struggling, that I was in treatment, that I had already apologized for my part, nor that the past couple weeks before they blocked me (and after I started treatment) had been much improved--some of which was directly because of their intervention. They painted me as a purposely manipulative, abusive person, and allowed the many followers who read them to form the worst conclusions possible. These letters were both reblogged by the third person.
The shorter of the two letters contained a fairly clear threat.
As a result of this, I got several messages to both my blogs. Some were from people who didn't know the whole story and didn't bother to get my side, and others were anonymous. One friend told me never to contact her again. Prior to that, we'd been on good terms. One of the anons told me to kill myself, and another contained a thinly-veiled threat on my person. As a result, I have been using a proxy on the internet to prevent people from finding me. I have been blocked by people who I'd previously had no problems with.
I stopped posting to my main blog (this one) and password-locked the other one.
Several weeks later, I created a new blog in which to post for myself and for other people with BPD. This blog's purpose was to help me work through the fear and trauma, and so I could discuss with my therapist what I was thinking and what I was working through. In this blog, I addressed the false statements made in the abusive posts as well as acknowledging my part and my intent to improve. This was the only method I had to defend myself. Because many of the posts were BPD related and I thought my research would be helpful, I eventually un-password protected the blog. At this point, I see no reason to hide it. You can find it here: @boredliondisorder
The people I intended to get away from found the new blog, which I had not advertised, and started posting responses to it in their own blogs. These responses were cryptic and unhelpful and accusatory. When such posts were made, I would often get abusive anonymous messages, which would prompt me to look at the other blogs to see what they had posted.
On a personal, somewhat emotional note, I'm not sure why these people believed they had the right to post those letters and subsequent attacks with absolutely no response from me. Of course I was going to address them. I didn't block these people; they blocked me. I respected that by not contacting them directly, while maintaining my right to defend myself. They made it clear that they wanted no more contact with me while at the same time making sure to read everything I posted. Their directed posts seemed to be made in the spirit of hoping I would see them and reply.
Because I installed an IP tracker on my blogs to deal with anonymous messages, I also noticed they were checking my blog daily.
Constantly checking up on me and trying to keep tabs on what I'm doing when I'm trying to work through trauma and move on is crossing a line.
This has continued for a while.
Recently, one of them posted that if I didn't want them watching my blog, I should delete it and create a new url. Please note again that I had already done that several weeks before, but they followed me to the new blog. I'm still not sure how they managed that outside a tag search for BPD-related topics. Which would mean they were constantly searching certain tags to see if I'd created a new blog.
I'm not sure why I should allow myself to be harassed into deleting my blog and re-making it every time they choose to search out and find me. I have left them alone; the onus is now on them to do the same.
An important note: People have been attacked, doxed, killed, and have been forced to move from their homes and into hiding due to internet-based harassment. Most notably in the video game industry, Anita Sarkeesian was targeted by an online video game-centered group. And because this harassment campaign was posted in a popular location, many people saw it, and many people responded to it to the point where even the people standing up to defend her were getting threats of being r*ped or killed. Places where Sarkeesian was scheduled to speak received bomb threats and she had to cancel.
Three people had a problem with me and decided to make it public. It should have been handled privately. Not because of my ego or pride, but because one of the people involved has over 5000 followers and some of them have more militant ideals of how to handle things. It hasn't just become a post here or a post there--one of this person's followers, or multiple followers, has taken it upon themselves to attack me. Because of this, I have to use a VPN. My family have had to deal with the fallout from this as well.
I have been afraid up until this point to defend myself, because these people crafted those letters almost perfectly. They ensured through omission of fact that no one would stand up for me. I am not asking people to stand up for me now, but I AM asking everyone to stop harassing me over this, because you are operating on half a story. It needs to stop.
I don't think you are bad people, but I honestly don't think that you realize how far-reaching your actions have been. To quote one of the letters, "Do you know what you've done to me? Do you actually get it?" Because I don't think you do. You had to deal with someone severely mentally unstable, and that wasn't fair to you. But in contrast, I am living in fear for my life, and this will affect me for years to come.
I did not want to post this. But the harassment has to stop. It is going to stop.
To anyone reading this, don't destroy the message by sending anonymous hate. If you know who these people are, remember that this post is only one side of the story. Take their side into consideration as well and draw your own conclusions. This cycle of abuse has to end.
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The issue for both writers and creators is they actually have to be vague or misleading when talking about their content to not spoil it. If we take A:TLA as an example. If they were to come out with "Aang and Katara are end game" they would be severely backhanded by Nickelodeon and risk punishments from the big name company. I hate shipping wars even while working in the industry but it's hard for us to shut them down without risking our lively hood. So we have to mislead to keep our jobs.
(Anon, I’m really sorry that this is getting dumped on you, but this is an issue I’ve been thinking about for a while, so I kinda went off, oopsss…)
I’m actually fully aware of non-disclosure agreements and the policy behind limiting information that is released to fans, so while I definitely appreciate the sentiment and understand that things are really difficult for the studios and “little guys” on any production team, I absolutely draw the line at buying the idea that fans need to be deliberately misled in order to protect show writers and staff.
There’s a right way and a wrong way to interact with fans and field shipping questions, and the fact that so many shows, book series, and other forms of media exist out there without experiencing the major problems that have affected shows like A:TLA and Voltron is proof that some productions manage fan and media relations very well and others definitely don’t. Aggressive shipping wars and fan behavior bad enough to attract mainstream media attention aren’t the standard experience of most production teams, so when they occur, it is almost always at least in part because of poor management of public relations on the creators’ end.
You won’t see me defending “fans” who cross the line and actually harass or send death threats to each other or any member of a production team, obviously not, but in today’s media environment, it’s a huge trend to make producers and writers out to be victims of their fandoms, whose questions and requests are treated like invasions of privacy and/or infringements on the writers’ creative freedom that must be actively and constantly defended against, a careful balancing act where the staff must constantly avoid ever giving away too much while the rabid fandom accosts them with an unstoppable hoard of demands…
But this is an illusion deliberately fabricated by some production teams to manipulate fan interest.
Media teams act like purposefully misleading audiences is a necessity because fans ask such invasive questions, oh what can we do, they won’t leave us alone about endgame ships! But this is smokescreen that ignores one basic truth: at the end of the day, creators and production teams (should, if well-managed at least) get to choose which questions get answered and which don’t.
Answering questions on social media or in a professional interview? Screen them in advance. Don’t answer questions that require dishonest answers.
Voice actors or writers going out to a convention? Give them strict rules for what they can and can’t hint at. Hell, even answering completely unscreened questions at cons? “I’m sorry, I can’t answer that without spoiling the story” is always a viable response.
A basic “We don’t answer questions about shipping” policy is, in fact, something that production teams also absolutely have the power to choose!
Even as you yourself note, crew members typically have professional social media accounts and can control when and how those accounts get used–they can choose not to respond to fan questions at any time.
Ergo, the choice to offer misleading answers to fans, particularly about relationships, is just that: a deliberate choice.
What’s really going on here is this: Most production teams can’t completely ignore fan questions and still keep fans hyped about their shows. Most creators and teams want and need to interact with and drops hints for their fans to stir up interest, keep people excited during show downtime, or just in general get people talking and speculating about their works. The more strung-along the fans are, the more tension, anticipation, and speculation teams’ provoke, the more active a show’s fandom becomes–and therefore the more a show profits. A quiet, inactive fandom does not attract additional viewership by word-of-mouth, does not move merchandise, and does not prevent loss of viewership over extended waits between seasons.
In short, creators and production teams actively profit from “stirring the pot,” from causing some tension and provoking anticipation/excitement in their fans. By dropping hints and teasers of what’s to come, by answering fan questions that expand on the series’ world or characters, the creators give fans more to talk about–and therefore can anticipate more talking about their show in general.
“Buzz” is money in the bank.
And production teams have discovered that nothing provokes buzz among online fans as quickly and productively as shipping. Targeting relationship-hungry fans (typically female fans, by the way) and stringing them along with hints, teasers, and red herrings about endgame ships is absolutely a profit-producing venture for show writers and teams nowadays. Getting ship-happy fans all excited about potential romances in your show, so much that they’re out there writing online manifestos, creating fanworks for your shows’ characters, talking to all their friends about it? #DOLLARSIGNSSSSS. Creators, both manipulatively and non-maliciously, actively capitalize on networks of online fans, especially fanwork creators like fanfic authors and artists (both of whom often focus on relationship-related material) to generate additional interest in their shows and therefore produce greater revenue in the long-term.
It’s basic logic: tease your fans -> generate more buzz about your show -> attract more attention -> profit.
(I don’t mean to say that creators are only ever thinking about making money, obviously–of course they naturally want to interact with fans because doing so is intrinsically rewarding and fun. Naturally creators are excited and want to interact with their fans! But that doesn’t mean that it isn’t ALSO a very specific, very obvious way to increase the popularity of one’s work.)
So sure, it’s all well and good to say “We can’t tell you the truth because we can’t spoil the show!” but let’s not act like that’s the only reason writers and show staff drop vague and misleading answers on their fans.
Teased fans, anticipatory fans, hopeful fans, hyped-up fans, obsessed fans… These are the “whales” of viewership, the ones who flood your show’s convention panels, buy your show’s merchandise, haunt the media for even the tiniest tidbits of new info on your work… These are the kinds of people who sit down and force everyone they know to watch your show too. They’re exactly the kind of fans you want to court and keep the attention of. And production teams know that they can keep and inflame the attention of these fans, in large part, by hinting at exactly the things those particular fans want to hear–whether or not they ever intend to fulfill on the things they’re hinting at.
By carefully sprinkling out hints–even and often intentionally misleading hints!–creators increase the tension and interest among fans to deliberately capitalize on their energy, investment, and willingness to continually, obsessively talk about the show.
Say it with me guys:
Shipping wars are money-makers.
It’s not just a matter of keeping secrets to protect the little guys. It’s a matter of keeping secrets and misleading fans intentionally to produce more revenue.
Creators don’t have a vested interest in being honest and open with their fans because they actively benefit from secret-keeping and misinformation.
And you know what?
I actually think that’s fine. I can’t even imagine a world in which every writing team came forward and said “Here are spoilers for everything and every relationship in our story, so you guys don’t have to fight over them!” Obviously the entire concept of spoilers exists for a reason–most people don’t WANT to know every twist, turn, and relationship in a story in advance. We LIKE being teased, we like hunting for hints, and we even like being strung-along as we get to experience the anticipation of satisfying plot twists still to come.
No one is asking for a full plot synopsis in advance.
But there IS a right and wrong way to drop hints for fans, and some obviously right and wrong choices to make, especially when creators become aware that their fandoms are becoming aggressive and hostile. Creators absolutely have the power to make bad situations in their fandoms much, much worse, and a blanket “It’s not our fault; we had to be misleading!” is nothing more than a way of passing the buck and pretending like production teams don’t have a major hand in setting the tone for their fandoms overall.
Of course fans are accountable for any of their own bad behavior, but poor public and media relations absolutely have the power to poison fandoms and incite aggression. When you deliberately yell “Fire!” in a theatre, you can’t claim you’re not responsible for the chaos that follows. When you bring up politics at a family dinner, you can’t act like the argument that follows wasn’t your fault.
The intentionally “vague and misleading” things creators say have profound impacts on their fandoms, and therefore creators and production teams have a responsibility to interact with their fans in a professional and mindful manner.
Of course you want to tease and trick a little! But it’s remarkably easy to do so in a non-damaging manner:
Instead of:
“Character A might end up with Character B OR Character C!” (obviously inflammatory)
It would be perfectly reasonable to answer with:
“Character A is going to have a romantic arc by the end, but let’s just enjoy that story line as it comes!” (teases and excites fans without fueling conflict between fan groups)
Instead of:
Character A and Character B are totally compatible! (obvious ship tease)
Say:
We planned for all our characters to be compatible with each other to build interesting dynamics between everyone. (redirects attention toward your story’s overall goal without lowering any shippers’ hopes)
Instead of:
Oh I can’t tell you too much, but I can tell you Character A and Character B are going to have a lot of ~mEaNiNgFuL~ interactions in the future! (obvious bait)
Say:
We’re really excited about where our characters are going in the future, especially [insert company approved spoiler-ish tidbit here]! (gives fans something new and exciting to talk about without leaving them feeling like they’ve been tricked)
Get explicitly asked about a ship by a fan and for some reason absolutely have to give an answer? Saying “We can’t spoil any romances that might or might not happen, but we wrote the story the way we thought was best, so hopefully you’ll enjoy where it goes!” gives shippers hope without making anyone feel like they were promised something that was never going to happen.
And good lord, have you discovered there’s a serious dispute brewing between groups of your fans? Uh… Have you tried not giving answers that deliberately favor one ship in one interview and then conflicting answers that favor the other ship in another interview, leaving your fans confused about your stance? Have you tried uhhh… redirecting fans to your plot or world-building and getting them hyped about things you’re actually planning to include in the show instead of relationships you never intended to make good on? Have you tried uhhh… maybe just NOT dumping fans from the frying pan into the fire by commenting further on ships you already know are causing tension?
There are plenty of ways for production teams to be vague and avoid spoilers without disproportionately raising fan expectations and contributing to conflicts between fan groups. The copious companies who manage popular shows without their fandoms dissolving into public death threats and toxicity so notorious that people who don’t even watch the show know about it are perfect proof. Some creators and production teams are just really, really fucking bad at PR, and that’s a problem! That’s a problem that contributes to serious and sometimes even literally dangerous issues among fans. If you’re in the industry, as you claim, that’s something you should and need to be aware of and take responsibility for.
Like, I’m not in even in PR, but it doesn’t take a degree in communications to figure out that there’s a very obvious line between the type of teasing that’s going to contribute to a productive, positive fan environment and the type of baiting and misleading that’s going to foster divisions and frustrations among your fans.
Of course it’s not always the creators’ or team’s fault when a ship war starts! These things can’t always be predicted and we’re all just human. People slip up and blunder when interacting with others all the time. Mistakes happen. But when the creators actively contribute to a ship war, fan the flames, encourage both sides, and either deliberately or carelessly hype up fan expectations they know they have no intention of fulfilling (as was the case with both A:TLA and Voltron), they’re increasing and encouraging the hostile environment in their fandoms–sometimes very intentionally to reap profits off obsessed fans.
So like, I get it? No one is asking for creators to be less vague or drop all red herrings. No one wants the entire story spoiled in advance.
But as a viewer, I do expect creators and production teams to demonstrate professionalism in their responses to both other media and directly to fans. I expect them to respect their viewers and to tease their fans in a genuine, responsible way that doesn’t promote conflict or make implied promises that will never be kept simply to turn a profit off of hopeful fans.
Most importantly, I expect creators and production teams to be aware of the impacts their words and answers have on fans, and to be accountable for those words and answers. If creators choose to interact with fans, they need to do so in a way that isn’t actively harmful. That should be pretty freaking obvious to everyone involved.
Will PR blunders and social media mistakes happen? Of course, always.
But is kicking a hornets’ nest–say, teasing that ship you know is never going to happen, when you’ve heard through the grapevine your fans are already divided about it–ever really a mistake?
No sell, buddy.
tl;dr: Expecting professionals to handle PR… you know… professionally isn’t outrageous.
#fandom meta#fans and creators#public relations#showrunners#animation industry#fan questions#toxic fandom#fan expectations#Voltron#avatar the last airbender#this isn't rocket science#and it should be obvious I'm not talking about the little guys on production teams here#those people are rarely if ever directly expected to answer fan questions#the three groups likely to answer questions are the writers#executive producers#and voice actors#and of those three#only the voice actors can really be said to be blameless if they accidentally answer questions about the plot or relationships#if your EPs or writers are deliberately misleading fans#in a way that isn't positively contributing to the fandom as a whole#THAT'S A FUCKING PROBLEM BRO#it's not your fandom's fault if the writers or EPs lack PR training#and if members of the production team are contributing to fan conflicts#uh maybe they SHOULD face repercussions for that#just saying#anon had no idea what hornets' nest THEY were kicking#but this issue has been bugging me for a while#because I'm super sick of creators nowadays acting like they had no hand in contributing to the toxicity of their fandoms#when there's a clear fucking pattern of similarities between toxic fandoms#and goddawful PR is numero uno
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Phantom talks to damn much
Seeing how the clan leadership reacts to the confessions blog isn't surprising. In fact,I I'm stunned that a screenshot leak hadn't occurred sooner considering the popularity of the community. However, I can say it's very easy to judge what the community and its participating members are when sitting in an onlookers perspective. Before the discord chat in particular, it was more common to find people who viewed the confessions community as a location of pure toxicity and mindless hatred. I have had Moonfur speak to me in a conversation in the past about my own and others usage of the blog.
At the time, we used it mostly to vent and I can say that the blog has evolved in it's silent and progressing evils. These are toxic and generally harmful members of the confessions community. Denying that is the same as denying the foundation in which the blog itself was built on. However, this toxicity is born from the community itself. The blog did not come from nowhere. Keep in mind that the WA leadership team IS ACTIVE in the discord. The true community are the ones who come off anon and participate actively within the discord and uphold rules that prevent immense negativity. In fact, the mod actively manages mindless witch hunts by removing the ones that contain obvious bullying with ZERO reasons behind it [though I do enjoy the ones that go, “this person sucks, don't argue or @ me about this because I don't want to hear it”].
However, negative comments regarding dissatisfaction with certain existences within the community is not by any forms of “bullying”. It's very easy to mess up, but it's a thousand times more difficult to redeem your public view once a standard has been set. Confessions send warnings of caution to users to re-examine and consider relationships and the personalities of those in question. Some are obviously bullshit if we're being realistic about it. “This person's commission prices are too high,” or “such and such a person treated me poorly, but there are probably some hidden circumstances that we're not mentioning.” These exist everywhere in day to day life and it is the fault of viewers if they take everything they hear at face value. Anyone who has seen Fox News versus CNN should be aware of how everything that is stated can be biased and questionable in context. You always hear number 45 mentions taking down CNN and the New York Times because they broadcast a different view than they would like to see printed. Another example is the ever so popular Pkrussel argument that swamps the Warriors community as of late. Some claim that Pkrussel's “critiques” are valid and become defensive when others point out the other side of the argument.
The reality is, there will always be a separate viewpoint that may make others unhappy. Yes, they may paint users in a bad light. However, recognizing that you've changed or the whole story isn't being told is on YOU. It's not the fault of the users who speak out to make sure they are 1 on 1 buddy buddy and know everything that's currently going on in the lives of the person they're speaking of. Hell, what happened to Astro should prove this well enough! There were people being SCAMMED while those who were close to and defending Astro potentially didn't know. That's not to say that Astro is not a great person outside of what they did, but is it hard to understand why others might see things differently? People who had run-ins with people on bad days will have a different perspective and understanding than others who didn't since first impressions do mean everything. Another good way of looking at it is school. Ever heard an F is heavier than and A? You could be a straight A student, but I assure you if you don't do too hot on a few assignments that will change really quickly. Doesn't mean you're a bad student, but that's just how it works. You have to be held accountable for your failures and it's up to you to make enough A's to win back favor.
It's also not anyone's job but the followers of the blog and maybe their parents [if you really want to play that game] to ensure that kids are aware of how to judge the truth of a situation. I don't give a hot diggity god damn what regular members say about leadership team activity of clans or WA itself because we have no way of knowing if they aren't focusing more on management of higher issues that we have know way of knowing about. Maybe it's an age or experience thing, but it feels like common sense to take certain things with a grain of salt. Now if another LT member starts talking, sure I'll listen. They are someone who is a far more reliable resource than LittleBittyKitty69 the whateverclan warrior because they have access to the information that under normal circumstances, no one else in the clan would know. Why do you think people are always asking for screenshots on the blog when people start claiming stuff is going on? Because more people than you think get that taking everything you see and hear at face value is far more idiotic than it may be presented. Remember Lionclan and the edited screenshots that Nightfur, Four and Goldeneyes presented to incriminate Primal and Rain without revealing the context behind what was really going on behind the scenes? The cultish mindsets that they put in the members to make them vulnerable and more open to their influence? The way they victimized themselves without ever showing their own or others responses? Sure, there are people who will lie to you on this blog, but really it happens everywhere. If you can’t make decisions yourself on how to handle these presented issues then honestly you probably need to take a break from the internet and examine the important details you might have missed as of late.
Finally I’m going to be real with you. If anyone views Warriors Amino Confessions as a blog centered around “bullying”, I’m terrified to see how you handle real bullying. Everywhere you go, people are going to call you out on mistakes. WA Confessions may be a blog dedicated to prioritizing problems within the community, but that’s not to say that we don’t do the same on a day to day basis. Complaining about rules and negative experiences that we witness and deal with are the way to protect yourself in this community of thousands of users. Scammers, pedophiles, disturbing content, individuals with potentially dangerous viewpoints and more can be tracked within this blog. Sure, there’s definitely hate, but at its core, the blog can function as a clear and concise support system that benefits far more than harms. Yeah, there are people who are only here to cause harm, but when have you not seen the blog turn around and call them out on it.
1-800-boi is a flawless representation. This was a new member no one knew, who was targeted because someone had their own opinions on their artstyle. They were an asshole about it and the good majority of the blog called them out on it. The blog has a system, even if onlookers can’t view it themselves. As an “active member” of sorts, it’s much more clear. You’re entitled to your own opinions and no one is going to judge you for confessing what’s on your mind. However, if you attempt to harass, verbally assault or discriminate against, manipulate or scam anyone, you will be called out for it. We argue amongst ourselves all the time, but at the end of the day we have more than enough sense to recognize problems. The Mod [our great saviour, Lord Eris] actively limits openly recognizable attacks on a person(s) that may be hazardous or unlawful in nature, along with people who are clearly just trying to start things. The discord is legendary for actively calling out and being aware of users and opinions that mean nothing but trouble and the Mod doesn’t hesitate to subdue these problematic topics. If anything, confessions community is a thousand times safer than the amino itself BECAUSE the users aren’t afraid to tell you how it is. The regulars are more than certain to do a bit of digging to ensure they know as much as they can before they dip their toes into issues that they may not be fully able to comprehend at face value.
The community hold no power. The only power we hold is over ourselves and what we choose to perceive as the truth. Users of the Warriors Amino app have a right to know where or towards whom we need to be aware of; stop acting like this is some sort of political game! If the community chooses to side against you because you cannot prove yourself to them, are you even in a position to feel wronged? No one is holding a loaded gun to anyone’s head or threatening them and telling them that they have to believe everything stated on the blog or else. If so, the leadership team would be very quick to deal with publicizing the incident like they did with Lionclan over a year ago. No one has the right to claim the entirety of this blog to be an uprising of evil when they do not witness the full conversation. A few assholes want to do something to make someone else miserable, then focus your emotions on them. It’s illogical and restricting to forcefully disregard an entire peoples based on your emotional standpoint towards a minimum. There are 200 or so followers of the blog compared to the 1608 members active on Warriors amino at the time of me writing this essay of a response, and that’s disregarding the listed 172,867 members in total. Some of these members are banned, former members, and random users scattered across the interface. Some aren’t even in clans or positions of leadership.
If I were to compare the blog to anything, I’d advise members to watch episode 1 of an anime called Kino’s Journey [spoilers for those who haven’t watched]. It presents a country where murder isn’t illegal and a man Kino encounters who longs to seek asylum within its walls due to his rebellious nature and desire to disregard the rules implemented in society. Within the walls however, the city is strangely tranquil and Kino finds little to no security measures in place despite what he imagined would be a place of endless brawls and bloodshed to meet an end. The only oddity is that everyday citizens carry weapons and acknowledge that they are all meant for murder. When Kion encounters the man later, he has become a citizen of the town and targets Kino as his first murder victim. However, before he can fire his gun, other citizens of the country pull out their weapons and kill the man, protecting Kino. Why? The answer is simple. Legal does not equate to socially acceptable. In order to keep the peace of the nation, those who murder, have murdered or intend to murder must be eliminated before they disrupt the harmony of the nation. If a person is presented with a place where you can commit murder without legal ramifications and suddenly are willing to do it, are they really in the right?
Note: I’m not coming after anyone when I say these things, however those messages do rub me the wrong way as someone who has grown to love our small blog home despite the hiccups and less than welcome posts that do appear. Have your own opinions, but don’t conspire to eliminate those who see things differently than you based on your own emotional standpoint. As a member of a volunteer leadership team, there shouldn’t be a reason to start such a witch hunt just because some less than desirable people are showing out. Be better than them and PROVE them wrong with your actions. It’s hard to overlook these comments are simple “lies” when you are incapable of standing up straight and performing without melting down over a collected group of silent opinions. Let them talk. The ones whos opinions matter are the ones judge you for your actions over a bunch of silly chats on a confessions blog.
TL;DR: WA confessions is its own separate entity from WA that follows its own set standard of rulesets. However, do not be deceived by outward appearances. If you come of our community with the mindset that you are free to be toxic and controlling, you are incredibly misinformed. We protect ourselves and our rights by flushing out those with malicious intent. If you cannot handle that what happens here can be a bit rough, that’s fair, but bullying, harassment, discrimination and abuse IS NOT WELCOME HERE. We don’t want you, nor do we tolerate it. If your feel hurt by what is said here, reevaluate your own shortcomings and work hard to overcome the stigma that you potentially dug for yourself to prove those opinions wrong. No one is here to damage you, but it’s unfair to silence the viewpoints that you are too shamed or simply unwilling to acknowledge and address because you don’t like them.
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Shows First, Fandoms Later
Tagging: @ghostofachancewithyou (hope you don’t mind. I saw your comment and thought you might want to read.
AN: There might be fandoms mentioned as examples but this is not targeted towards any specific fandoms/shows or people in particular. This is solely my experience and opinion based on what I’ve seen in my time on tumblr. You have every right to disagree and if you have any opinions or questions at the end of this monstrosity please don’t hesitate to share/ask. I’m sorry for the length in advance
I’ve been on tumblr a long ass time. Six years to be exact (now don’t go fact checking because this blog is newer than my personal so it won’t actually reflect my tumblr age). But being on tumblr for so long had taught me a lot and made me observant of a lot of trends. Now most trends come and go but the one that I’ve seen remained is people gravitating to the fandom of a show before getting into the show itself.
Now I want to say before launching into why this isn’t a good choice that I don’t mean people who start watching a show based on gifs they’ve seen. I’ve been one of those people who thought something looked interesting because someone reblogged a gifset. This is a perfectly fine way of expanding your interests and I by no means discourage you from partaking in media because you saw something about it on your dash.
No what I’m referring to is getting into a show because you follow someone who began watching something and now they’re posting longwinded posts about why ______ shouldn't have happened or how could _______ have done that thing. I’m talking about people getting into shows because they might be drawn to a certain ship based solely on the reblogged or created content of someone they follow. No context, no character backstory, no nothing. You just base your own opinion off the opinions of others and as such these become your only opinions when partaking in the show.
That’s the kind of problems I’m talking about.
Now Noah, you might ask,
1. Why is this such a bad thing?
2. What if I’ve done this before and haven’t changed my mind?
3. Or what if I haven’t stepped into the problematic side of a fandom because of this?
Well then I say to you.
1. It isn’t a bad thing. At least not necessarily. Stepping into a fandom based on analytical posts can be perfectly fine so long as the analytical posts are about content rather than a ship. Getting into a fandom or a show specifically because of posts you’ve seen about the representation it has or the feminism in it is all perfectly fine. Getting into a show based on posts solely based on why one ship is superior than another. Bad. Harmful. Can be more hurtful to you in the long run than helpful.
Let’s look at Superwholock as a whole to examine this as these three fandoms were once some of the largest and some of the largest proprietors of ship war content. For those unaware of how Superwholock came to be or why these three shows with little to nothing in common are always grouped together allow an ancient of tumblr to explain.
When you first joined tumblr in 2012 it was a desolate place. Barely any content for any fandoms at all. Memes were abundant yet scarce at the same time. There were no fights between fandoms and the anonymous hate was there but rare and usually by someone who would slip up and send a hate message off anon only then to be exposed to the world. It was the reign of tumblr user pizza before she got her blog deleted for promoting diet pills and it was the days of either hating John Green for no reason or playing the “is that John Green” game. Now Superwholock got combined because at the time these were the main three fandoms people were in. The main three highjacking posts with their comments or gifs, and the main three fandoms that everyone was in. If you were into Supernatural or Sherlock or Doctor Who, then you were bound to be in one of the other two, both of them, or know someone who was.
Tumblr history lesson over we’ll get back to why watching a show based on analytical content of gifs and character actions isn’t helpful to you as a viewer. And we're going from firsthand experience here. I’m baring it all to you embarrassment be damned. Supernatural was my first tumblr fandom and I got into that fandom based on gifs that seemed interesting and the main ship that got tumblr either joyful or upset, Destiel. That’s Dean Winchester and Castiel if you’re out of the loop.
Now there's absolutely nothing wrong with the ship and good for you if you ship it. I’m just going off why you shouldn’t watch a show because of ship content or other non-critical content. (and yes I know ship content/queerbaiting content can be critical content but a lot of the time those critics are based on nothing at all and can be debunked by rewatching a scene. But that’s another post and argument for another day).
Seeing all the Destiel content on tumblr I was absolutely one hundred percent sure that I would ship them. That if I watched the show not only would I enjoy it but now I would 100% understand why everyone shipped them and what everyone was talking about when they talked about certain Destiel related scenes. But the problem was that when I began watching the show and getting to the seasons with Castiel, I didn’t see it. I didn’t get any romantic attraction between the two, in fact the ship began to not make sense at all. I couldn’t understand what people saw or where they saw it. Destiel scenes on tumblr made no more sense with context because now that I knew the context I didn't find anything ship worthy about them. For awhile I kept watching because I wanted to see it, eventually I thought I would gain shipping goggles, that something would happen. But the only thing that happened is that I began hating the fandom because it bothered me that what I saw wasn’t what they seemed to see, I felt that I was in the wrong. I began stumbling across shipping wars and seeing just how hateful a fandom could become, bashing the actors for not acknowledging a ship, bashing the writers for not making it canon. Fighting amongst themselves and sending death threats to people who didn’t ship what they did who might ship Castiel with Sam or someone else but not Dean. And because I got into the fandom first I was blinded to the true hatred. I had seen all this at the start but I had already bought into the fact these ship wars weren't hateful because I was on the right side, I had bought into the idea that the show I had yet to begun to watch was only what I had seen on tumblr and only what everyone seemed to see rather than gather my own opinion of it.
I had stumbled across a fandom in which everyone seemed to be creating something so wholly separate from the show that I believed it was the show. The content I consumed by the fandom was what I imagined the true content to be and then when I began the show on my own it crumbled and I became disillusioned. Burnt out on the thing that had first brought me joy.
Fandoms can be fantastic places but getting into them first can mean that you are getting into a fans perception of the show rather than the show itself rather than formulate an opinion of your own based on the content you choose to consume. Watch what you want and if you chose it based on tumblr content like gifs than good for you, but formulate your own opinion rather than base it off of argumentative posts one of your friends made.
2. If you’ve began watching a show because of these analytical posts and possible ideologies about certain ships and haven’t changed your mind than good for you. Maybe you separated the content from the posting on your own or maybe that content influenced your viewing habits but that ship or that character or whatever does make sense to you. I'm not saying that getting into a fandom first is 100% inherently bad, I’m just saying that it can be. If you enjoy someones content on here and their opinions and consume the media for yourself finding that your opinions do end up aligning for the most part with that other persons, there’s nothing wrong with it. You just happen to share a similar opinion with someone.
Fandoms are great and so are the people in them. Just be sure to formulate your own opinions about the content. If it aligns with some of the things you saw before you began watching, well alright then there’s nothing wrong with that.
3. Every side of a fandom can be problematic in some way. If by some miracle you’ve found other like minded individuals who understand that ship wars are petty and childish and blaming show runners and writers for things that you wanted to happen but didn’t than stay there and never leave. Stay in that miracle bubble. I’m not saying don’t hold up the writers and show runners up to certain standards. Of course do that, of course argue for representation and the like. Just don’t be a dick about it, do some research on who controls what aspect of a tv show, don’t attack people who work on the show, don’t claim to own the actors. And most importantly, treat them with respect. They are humans too yknow. Be upset with the turn out of something, you’ve every right to be, but don’t be upset that someone else didn’t get offended at the same thing you did. TV shows aren’t like real life. If you don’t get offended that this ship didn’t become canon you aren’t racist or sexist or homophobic, you simply just are looking at it in a different light. Unless of course you didn't like the thing because you are racist, sexist, or homophobic.
Basically. All fandoms are problematic in one way or another whether you see it or not. Reexamine yourself and the way you consume your content, the way you talk about it as well. Enjoy content for yourself.
All in all, watching a show because you liked something that happened in a gifset is completely fine. I’ve done it, plenty of people have done it, it’s a great way to find that new favorite character or thing. Just be sure that if you get into something because you saw some detailed post about why _______ should happen or ________ should become canon, don’t base your entire show watching experience on that. Base your experience with media off of what you want and are looking for. Don't be afraid to disagree with those old posts you thought you were going to identify with after watching and don’t be afraid to unfollow people who communicate only through hate or who’s opinions you find yourself disagreeing with. The shows you watch and the posts you look at should be ones you enjoy. If you don't enjoy the content then something might be wrong.
TL;DR: Getting into a show and watching it for yourself is great. Getting into a show because of gifs is great. Getting into a show because of analysis based posts can be harmful if you don’t step back and consume the media while formulating your own opinion.
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