#never wrote any of them though
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So many ideas of fanfictions that I let go…
Countless stories that slipped away because I didn’t think I could handle them. For, when I finally dive into a project, I owe it to both myself and my readers to see it through. Such a flood of ideas… which tells me one thing: a writer's inspiration knows no bounds. This "writer's block" may seem like a looming threat, but really, it's just a temporary hiccup in one particular and individual project's journey. Think about it: as a writer, you never run out of ideas, your imagination never stops running wild for thousands of other projects that you may never start. There are endless stories waiting to be told in your mind, each bursting with potential. Sure, writers hit rough patches, but they're fleeting.
Being a writer means finding inspiration in the unexpected, in those moments that catch you off guard—that's the real beauty of it all.
#kinda had a blast from the past while hearing an old Celtic song#sparked memories of all those Merlin fanfiction ideas I've mulled over...#never wrote any of them though#came to realise that I actually never really stop writing#whether it's in my mind or on paper#writing#writer#fanfiction#fiction#inspiration#writer block#writeblr#writeblr community#writeblr advice
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[ID: fake discord screenshots between the tmnt boys. The chat reads as follows, with their discord nicknames in parentheses:
Mikey (Micheal with a B): If yall don't knock it off right now
Leo (That Bitch): I'd Love to go eat my cold soup in peace, if SOMEONE would stop attacking me for it!!
Donnie (The Funny One): You're killing me you're killing your brother Leon cereal is Not A Soup how many times do we have to go over this
Leo changes his name to "Cold Soup Truther"
Leo (Cold Soup Truther): Mad because you dont have cold soup, arent you? ;]
Raph sends a screenshot from the sonic realtime fandub of Eggman saying "what are you two FUCKING talking about"
Mikey's name changes to "Doctor Delicate Touch"
Mikey (Doctor Delicate Touch): Alright that's it
Leo (Cold Soup Truther): Oops
Raph (Raph): Oh no
Donnie (The Funny One): Wait Mikey we can talk about this
End ID]
Laid awake for several hours thinking about wanting to make this joke the other day
Bonus: the aftermath
[ID: a simplistic drawing of the turtles. Mikey runs at high speed chasing Donnie and Leo, Raph lays behind him flat on the floor with x's for eyes. There are action lines emanating out from where Donnie and Leo are running to. End ID]
#rottmnt#never wrote this kind of id before but i did my best#anyway hi i love them#and the thought of mikey using dr delicate touch as a threat is very funny to me do Not mess with him#also another fun fact donnies discord pfp is a picture i took and edited of my high school AP calc shirt#its the maclaurin polynomial :]#i wanted to make raph and leos icons something funny too but i didnt have any ideas so its just pictures of them sorry guys#id spent too much time and brain power on this anyway#im putting this in my art tag since its something i made#tal.draws#and i mean technically i did draw that last picture even though its scribbly so it counts#also i have no stake in the cereal soup debate i just wanted to also make cold soup jokes#and I think donnie would be pedantic about it (i say this with love) and leo would antagonize him about it#<- a statement applica to many situations#if id had rhe energy i wouldve edited the time sent to be a funnier time of day but again i spent too long on this#okay im done talking in the tags mow promise
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That awkward feeling when a PIMI childhood friend sends you an invite to a party in the summer; but you know you’re going to be out of the cult and shunned by then.
What do I even say? Do I lie and say I’ll be there? Do I just not respond?
#exjw#ex jw#I’m not worried about this friend so much; I’m worried about the other friend#because the other friend has awful mental health and not many close friends other than me and maybe one or two other people#This childhood friend is acting very differently than how she did when we were close which could be completely normal#But she seems “spaced out” and very formal whenever I’ve spoken to her (though that could be the allergy meds doing that)#or maybe she knows through her parents through my parents that I wrote about her playlist of “inappropriate” music in my diary#and maybe she got grilled for it#It’s important to note that neither the playlist nor the YT channel were taken down. I can still find them#So maybe she’s not as “in it” as I think she is. But then again she did introduce me to her Bible study so… idk#Maybe it’s a situation of “I’ll take the husband; mom will take the wife; and you’ll take the daughter” but idk#I never had any Bible studies. I went on studies. I got a study shoved off on me when I was eighteen because no one liked her#for being “too much” and “needy” and “not following Jehovah’s guidance and using nicotine patches so she won’t die of a heart attack”#That was a barrel of fucking laughs#(I got reprimanded by the actual sister studying with her#for reading “what happens to your body when you quit smoking” articles to her and encouraging this woman to follow her DOCTOR’S advice)#But I’ve never started a study; nor has anyone passed off a study to me to keep#ex cult
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Guess what I found on the internet today
#I don’t think this needs to go on the flf tag but yes it was flf#if you are seeing this I’m so so sorry you do not want to know#fanfiction about real people is. A Choice.#that was just something else entirely#I don’t know why I read that I felt obligated to though#I would never want to make fun of someone for something that they put a lot of effort into and I’m not trying to do that#however I also saw that at around 5:30 am and I did not sleep last night#also the amount of psychic damage that has caused me is truly unparalleled#I have so many questions and I want absolutely none of them answered#it wasn’t even smut or close to smut it was just a whole experience#I am absolutely terrified that the person who wrote that is going to find this somehow#if they do. hi.#how are you. I’m going to think about you for the rest of my life#not good thoughts not bad thoughts I just have a lot of questions but please don’t answer any of them#4555 words split into 3 chapters published in may 2023#I think I texted my friend a whole book of me losing my mind after I saw it on ao3 and they haven’t responded yet 💀#welp#please send help i genuinely have no idea what to do with my life now#i feel like i have seen everything
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“Decide” for the wip ask thing!
Better late then never, so I'm finally getting to this now, thanks for sending this my way! As it happens, that word pops up in a lot of my WIPs, so brace yourself with a fuckton of snippets under the cut!
1)
(My most recent WIP and boy, is it a silly one. It's my flimsy excuse to write Fuckboy DG hitting on various members of the rosters, and striking out each time)
As he approaches her, Daniel tries to figure out what his opening line should be.
Hey, what's up, mommy? Your baby boy has arrived…
He’s one hundred percent sure that would work, obviously. But he decides to take a different approach.
2)
‘’You sure?’’
Hook’s back to squinting again. ‘’Why wouldn’t I be?’’
Orange decides to test his theory. ‘’I saw what’s going on with you and Brian.’’
Hook’s calm, I don’t give a shit demeanor breaks slightly. It’s only for a brief second, but Orange spots the glint in his eyes, the slight pursing of his lips, the tightening of his body language. He was right on the money.
‘’Yeah, it’s…whatever,’’ Hook says, trying to play it cool.
3)
‘’What is this?’’ he asks.
Hook wonders if that’s a trick question. His mind’s coming up blank though so he decides to answer literally. ‘’Uh. The sink?’’
‘’Oh, good, you know what that is,’’ Orange says. ‘’So, are you aware that most people use these things to clean dishes? Generally, after they’ve eaten and they’re all dirty, human beings will then wash them so that they can be used again. What a concept! Would you like to give it a try sometime?’’
(Sassy Bitch OC strikes again)
4)
‘’Bros before hoes,’’ Zay said, firm.
Daniel rolled his eyes. ‘’What, are we in high school?’’
‘’Nah, ‘cause you never had hoes in high school,’’ Zay grinned afterwards, earning himself a glare from Daniel.
Daniel decided not to correct Isiah and instead he looked back in Julia’s direction. God, she was so fucking hot. He had to have her - he just had to.
(I'm sure nothing bad could come of this. Nope, I'm sure nothing bad happens to Daniel in this fic, nothing whatsoever 🙂🙂🙂)
5)
(Disclaimer - Hook is high as a kite in this fic. Orange is not. Oh, the humanity...)
Orange decides to take a different approach. ‘’You know what would be really fun?’’
Hook legitimately gasps. ‘’What?!’’ he asks, looking up at him with those wide red eyes.
‘’If we went to bed. Right now.’’
Hook giggles. ‘’We are in bed…’’
‘’Then let’s get some sleep, huh?’’
Hook grins. ‘’Don’t wanna.’’
6)
Orange’s head slowly turns, his first movement since Hook dropped the bomb on him. Fear shoots ice through Hook’s veins. But when he meets his eyes, he doesn’t look mad. His face is weirdly neutral. But then the cracks start to show. A slight crease in his forehead. A grim, sad little glint in his eye. He opens his mouth but the only sound that comes out is a terse exhale. His mouth opens and closes a couple more times, as though he can’t decide what to say.
Hook braces himself for whatever’s about to happen.
(Uh oh, did Hook do something baaaaaaaad? Something he regrets? Something that would make his boyfriend upset?🙂🙂🙂)
7)
Eventually, Daniel decided he’d done enough, laid the groundwork as best as he could. So the next time he and Julia found themselves alone, he just straight up asked her if she wanted to head back to his hotel room later, after the show.
He didn’t know what he was expecting. But what Julia said in response - the request she made - left him completely stunned.
(This is, in fact, a different fic from the other Daniel/Julia snippet. But arguably both ideas are equally awful and embarrassing on my part 😬)
#Once again I offer more contextless insights into the awful awful things my brain comes up with#If I gave y'all context a lot of these would be even more humiliating 😬#Y'all better hope I don't finish some of this...#At least some of them are relatively tame and fluffy and only slightly weird#For those curious I did indeed go through an intense Daniel/Julia phase but never posted any of the stuff I wrote#Maybe if I finish one of 'em someday I'll share it?#Hopefully not though because the subject matter of those fics... *nervous laughter*
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They’re calling my baby Gojo, Joseph Joestar now
#rambling#the diff is that Gojo did apologize after being called out and face to face with his racism whilst Joseph literally befriended nazi’s 😵💫#and there was never any explanation from araki as to why he’d even wrote German soldiers in the shit in the first place like that was#absolutely jarring as hell to read for the very first time back when I’d gotten into jjba#well I watched it first but you know#like Joseph really thought fondly of Stroheim as this stand up guy even though he’s first of all#a Nazi#and second#the first scene that we were introduced to was of him sexually harassing a Woman#it’s……. 🗿#still to this day I wonder if araki had ever addressed this because lord#Joseph was just happy to get the help I guess but that felt so ooc for him from what he’d seen 🗣️#happily receiving the help of a Nazi and calling them a nice guy ahhh Joseph-#Gojo would never sjjsaj#my boo boo is a little prejudice but he’s working on it 🗣️#I still think that gege was trying to have a ‘racism is bad’ moment but again#the execution was pretty awkward and it felt out of place considering what had been currently going down in the manga#like the Racism was pretty random but it was swiftly put to a stop which I can appreciate even if it shouldn’t have been a point of#conversation to begin with since why couldn’t Miguel just exist as a character instead of him being the now token negro#who everyone sees as instantly more frighteningly powerful than everyone else like this didn’t even need to be brought up wllssldk#idk gege was trying to be ‘woke’ 😭. sorry nbs and wp ruined the term for me but like basically lol#gojo’s pretty intelligent and extremely gifted but he’s never been perfect lol#it’s just that idk why gege chose to talk about antiblackness in Japan out of nowhere about the only black character on screen hehhhhhh#like gege tried but lmfao#this is so funny to me#at least it didn’t drag on putting Miguel in an even more awkward situation than he already was and it was nipped in the bud quickly#Gojo isn’t one to dwell on things but when he’s face with new information and is taught something he does try to reflect and do better and#I’m sure he probably started to become even more aware of what he’s saying especially when talking to Miguel in an honest way since that’s#always been the kind of character who he was despite the horrors#the only ppl who’ve been kinda annoying about this are nbs and white people as always 🗿
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Kakashi got a better, more in depth Story arc than Sakura and i’m going to stay mad about it
#like listen LISTEN#I don’t want any bit of Kakashi’s story taken away from him#but Gdi yes Sakura’s story arc was lack luster#girl got one fight against the akatsuki and it wasn’t even a solo fight#she didn’t get to kick more ass#she didn’t get to fight pein even though Kakashi has been teaching his students team work from day one and a perfect way to honour his death#would have been Naruto and Sakura working together#possibly with the rest of the Konoha 12#to take down Pein#That would have been epic#Sakura also should have been allowed to mourn the loss of the boy she liked and moved on#she could have returned to her feelings fir sasuke in a new fullfilled way#but she didn’t#kishi just wrote her never getting over him no matter what either of them did#and that’s BS
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I've kinda seen some pushback to the idea of representation in media and I don't necessarily think it's bad to point out actual rights are more important than Disney's thousandth first gay character that's fine, but I've had a LOT of people comment on my works about asexual characters and tell me what I wrote changed their life-and it's always that phrase- because they now have the language to describe what they feel. I've had people who ARENT ace or aro comment that what I wrote finally made a concept they didn't understand make sense, or that the way I explained things was interesting and enlightening and I'm kind of a mediocre writer who hasn't written anything in ages.
Like idk, if reading something from a writer who is fucking around and only somewhat talented can genuinely impact someone because they've not seen anything like them reflected back at them in life or media I don't think pushing for representation in media is as "needless" as some people seem to think and caring about that doesn't mean you don't care about more "important" (although if you think seeing people like you in media ISNT important it's because you already have that representation or are privileged enough to not care if you do, in which case maybe pipe down) stuff. Hell, I even got a Facebook message ages ago from someone who found a comment I left in an ace group about QPR's and what they meant to me and how I perceived them and the person no joke said what I wrote two years before they even found it changed their life forever because they finally knew what kind of relationship they actually wanted.
So like sure, of course there's always bigger fish to fry them diversity in media (you know, like diversity in real life lol) but I don't think it's as frivolous as some people are beginning to act like it is. At least not if you're an aspec person it's not, I STILL don't see ace characters almost ever and I'll bet my whole everything if I asked a writer of a show why they'd tell me that EVERYONE has to be in a sexual relationship and characters that aren't won't sell and are boring- I say this because in film school I had a teacher TELL ME every character needed to basically be sex obsessed and when I pointed out a GREAT MANY CHARACTERS are not revolved around sex (Supernatural stars two brothers, I pointed out) and when she asked if I had love interests I was like ??? That doesn't matter- using my aforementioned supernatural example almost all their love interests die or get mind wiped because at the end of the day that's not what the story was about. So actually I think writers who act like that teacher need like 50 reality checks, and representation in stories isn't unimportant and also support indie writers you'll probably find more funky shit there then Disney anyway lmao.
And also even the asexual characters I DO see in media don't remind me at all of myself even if I appreciate the effort, but they never feel real or genuine and their sexuality doesn't get a lot of exploration so 🤷🏻♀️ I actually could use more media focused on characters that I can genuinely see my sexuality reflected in in a meaningful and narratively impactful way because I've got nothing.
#winters ramblings#todd from bojack horseman im sure is SOMEONES version of asexuality but i dont see ANYTHING of myself in him#great character dont get me wrong but not relatable to me on any level including our shared sexuality#sex ed got a bit closer with their brief ace character although maybe she got more exploration in season three or four??#the latest one i havent watched lmao. but being closer and having a moment wjere shes told shes not broken#while DEEPLY vindicating isnt necessarily all im looking for either#like i wamt a REAL character thats ace or aro or both thats written by people who UNDERSTAND what theyre writting#not just well meaning people who dont know what theyre doing its kind of tiring#also idk why theres no dating shows with gay men because reality dating shows are ALL ABOUT who fucks who and who gets together#gay men would be hooking up ALL OVER THE PLACE and the DRAMA youd think reality tv freaks would be SALIVATING#but no none of that lmao. just ru pauls drag race and thats great it is like its not my bag but people love it#back on yrack though the weord blowback representation is getting is strange and its VERY clear to me#the people writing those posts havent gotten dozens on dozens of messages from people like them who found their writing#and haf their life altered forever for the better because someone who KNOWS what theyre talking about wrote a character like them#and it opened doors they never knew existed. doesnt even need to happen with fiction either i had a friend i had in toronto#tell me the info i sent to her on being aromantic changed her life- THAT'S the phrase i keep getting thats TELLING- because it describefld#described** how shes felt her whole life but didnt have words for. how frivolous IS representation if im getting these messages?#not very i dont think if some rsndom indie fic writer who hadnt written anything substantial in years can change someones life#REPEATEDLY might i add. ive been getting a LOT of messages like this lately and seeing this new bramd of discourse latetly too#like maybe YALL have enough that you dont care anymore but speak for your fucking selves
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Finally tried out Ghost Trick tonight
#vu's posts#i downloaded a bunch of demos for interesting-looking games to my switch last month#and that was one of them... it's weird because despite being a long-time ace attorney fan i never thought to check this game out#but honestly? so far it's really good. and no joke i kept saying 'oh yeah i can *see* the shu takumi writing style here'#i really enjoyed great ace attorney (which he also wrote) a year and a half back so i think i'll really enjoy this too#i also tried out... spiritfarer... hyrule warriors... and octopath traveler 2. couldn't get into any of them honestly.#SF falls into the 'cozy' game genre... and i fucking hate that genre. it's so boring.#i could talk about my disdain for that genre as a whole some more 🤢 but i will spare everyone reading this.#hyrule warriors was a letdown because... i guess i just dislike that style of gameplay?#this was my first time trying a dynasty warriors-type game... and i had a feeling that i wouldn't like it. it's a shame i was right though#and as for octopath traveler... i think i'm willing to give it more of a chance? but at the same time...#It's a turn-based jrpg. and between p5 and pokemon i'm kind of burnt out on that genre#i want to give it another chance because i might actually really enjoy the writing... but idk if i can tolerate the jrpg gameplay 😬#OH#i also started on alan wake and death's door last month... so far so good on both.#AW is one of those games that my bslur 1 was OBSESSED with when i was younger. so that's been my connection to it for years#never thought that i'd care about it at all but.. yeah it's actually pretty good so far#death's door is hella fun so far... it was slow at first but i'm really enjoying myself with it now#but yeah. i'm gonna go to bed now... que tenga una buena noche 👋
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I know how unlikely it is at this point but I’m still entertaining the idea of Sally, Rades, and Valtos joining the Black Bulls
#I wrote an essay once about them joining any of the magic knight squads but never posted it#but really if they weren’t such minor characters or maybe even just if they weren’t such unpopular characters it would make perfect sense#there was that a be chapter about Yami creating the Black Bulls describing the type of people who’d join the squad#and ngl it hurt a little to read because it perfectly described those three as well#I’ll be happy as long as there is some sort of narratively satisfying conclusion for all of them at all#they don’t have to join any of the magic knight squads necessarily for that#but really my deepest very unlikely desire is for them to join the black bulls#If they do join a magic knight squad at all though I’ll settle for the green mantises#or any of them but I think the most likely would be the green mantises#sally black clover#rades spirito#valtos
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✊🏽 For the ask game?
From the Myth AU! Also thank you for giving me the chance to finally write for Victoria and Lady Brandon!
The Queen of the Gods watched Henry as he attempted to dance with Basil. The God of Life laughed as his new husband struggled to follow him and even Victoria couldn't help but smile at Henry’s stiffness. He could arrogantly prattle on with endless grace, but a waltz threatened to topple him over.
She thought it was rather fitting.
“V,” Lady Brandon called, walking up while holding her favorite engraved chalice. Despite having spent an hour dancing, her appearance remained perfect. She grinned, “Would you ever have thought Harry would get married? Before either of us, no less!”
Victoria smiles, “I thought you of all people would have known beforehand?”
The Goddess of Love laughed, “Oh, believe me, I thought I did! Trust me, I certainly didn’t find romance in Harry’s future. But I suppose then he was simply the God of Death and not the ruler of the Underworld.”
Victoria scoffs, “There is little difference.”
“Oh, come now, Victoria! You must admit Harry changed after the war ended.”
“He developed some sense of responsibility, sure,” the Goddess narrowed her eyes, “But the habits he needs to change remain.”
“Oh, the human thing?” Lady Brandon sighs, “Yes, he really must quit doing that. Too many of my predictions go wrong because of his meddling.”
“He nearly caused a war the other day. You’d think he’d be the God of Gambling with how many times he’s nearly ended the human world.”
“Ugh, no, don’t mention Roland,” Lady rolled her eyes. “Is he still down there causing—oh, what did he call it? Regardless, I cannot believe he decided it was more worthwhile than attending this wedding!”
“He calls it tax fraud, though none of the humans have picked up on it,” Victoria shook her head. “Truthfully, I don’t think he and Henry are comparable. Roland knows discretion. Harry doesn’t care for it.”
“Well perhaps dear Basil can be the more rational of the two,” Lady Brandon chuckled. She caught Victoria’s grimace and frowned, “V, what’s wrong?”
“I’m worried about this, June,” the Goddess confessed. “I don’t think Basil knows quite what he’s getting involved with. Henry may be too much for him to reign in. And even if he wasn’t, it isn’t fair for him to have such a responsibility when he’s already so close to the humans.”
“Oh, you must stop babying him,” Lady reassured, “He’s one of us, Victoria. He’s capable of protecting himself.”
“Perhaps you're right,” she sighed. Lady Brandon smiled, drinking from her chalice. Victoria continued, “Still I’ll have Hamlet join Basil in the underworld.”
Lady spat out her drink and looked at the Goddess incredulously.
“What?” Victoria smiled, "She can take care of him whenever Henry decides to do something idiotic.”
Lady said, “She hates Henry. She’ll maul him before he gets that chance!”
“Good. Then I won’t have to keep protecting Basil.”
The Goddess of Love laughed in disbelief, “Oh, V, you should've been the Goddess of Worry. Get another drink with me? I’d like to say hello to Alan.”
Victoria looked over to the God in question, watching as he dragged his new husband towards Sybil and Gwendoline. Basil’s happiness was palpable in his bright grin; Henry tried to look unaffected, but couldn’t help the loving smile on his face.
As she walked with Lady towards the table, she hoped only good things would come from this union.
#the picture of dorian gray#mythology au#victoria wotton#lady brandon#damn no tags for them :(#choco wrote a thing!!#also though roland is name dropped here he doesn't feature in the mythau at all 👍#he exists but never plays any role in it
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thinking abt byler with their dog watching a movie on the couch all snuggled up in some blankets (plural, bc will hogs them & leaves mike to freeze to death [will rejects these slanderous claims, says mike's being a big baby]).. their dog's got its head in mike's lap and his feet against will's ribs in the weirdest most endearing position ever that cannot possibly be comfortable And Yet. mike scratches n rubs the little mongrel's chest n asks him if he's enjoying their boys night. This Is Real n True
#mike didn't exactly Want the dog as much as will did bc he never had any mammal pets growing up#but will was rly determined to keep going to the shelter until they found their match#n this one totally fucking like . imprinted on will or smth mike SWEARS bc he was so so sooooo happy to see will#it's a little joke between them at first tht its will's dog n mike loves how much it loves will bc even though he Knows#theyre safe and okay and everything is Fine and Normal now#he still has tht underlying thread of fear n nervousness in him tht this little ball of fur soothes n unspools#and he says its will's dog but oh man.... tht thing LOVES mike#presses its snout against his calf when he's all stressed n brings him his favorite toy when the vibes are off and cuddles with him etc#the duffers got rid of chester without a word and now im determined to keep his spirit alive#u r real to ME chester u will always be Real n live on in my gay heart .....#love writing tags on mobile bc i cant see shit re what i jus wrote so i jus have to hope n pray i was coherent . anyway <3
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the like shitshow ordeal of having a conversation with someone that i was in love with and finding out they have known that i had feelings for them this whole time. lovely.
#IT IS SO EXCRUCIATINGLY PAINFUL#this is making me relive everything i repressed when i first had feelings for him#hes gay and i knew and i just felt so fucking guilty the whole time#for things i couldnt control#and the thing is like. i love him i love him i love him#so much#and i knew that no matter what i do he’ll never love me in that way#so i tried to get over it#and at least finding out today that like even though hes always known he never liked me less because of it#but i still feel so unbearably shitty#i feel like ive hurt him somewhere#and im also just humiliated beyond belief like omfg i cant believe i had to talk about the feelings that i had for you and the fact that#youll never feel them back#i thought we were DONE WITH THIS#also we’re pretty much just school friends and im terrified whatll happen next#is our friendship strong enough to last this summer please tell me it will. please say you still love me#I WROTE DUCKING POETRY ABOUT HIM#i wrote the goddamn line ‘he makes you feel like who you are isnt such a wretched fate’#and now i have to deal with the knowing that he knows#this hurts more than any rejection ever had
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i so desperately miss being REALLY into making fan content for stuff. like i miss the days where i was uploading fics rapid fire because i kept getting ideas but at the same time i'm like. really relieved about not doing it anymore? I rarely even open ao3 anymore and idek how i feel about it.
i think i miss the fun of it, but all the relief in stopping comes from no longer having to deal with other people that i'd be catering to and trying to please everyone. the moment i realized writing fics wasn't actually like. my job. i think i stopped feeling so burdened and just kind of ended up moving on altogether
and as much as i really really love focusing on original things now, there's definitely a kind of void i feel knowing the audience i did and still have and that the vast majority isnt interested in me as a creator once i'm no longer in a specific fandom yknow? like "wow over half a million have read this one fanfic but only the smallest fraction of that have read my comic"
that being said the biggest thing i've been learning over the last year is to just make content for myself and to try not to worry about Numbers
#i do adore everyone who reads my comic though <3#and i'll forever be grateful for the bnha fandom especially for the following i have#now that its also really helped me get somewhere ALMOST tangible as an artist#i sincerely think if i never wrote fanfics i wouldnt be doing comic cons or having an etsy or ANY of this stuff im doing#but i dont want to keep making fan content just because i think it'd help me careerwise because that just doesnt feel genuine to me#i like to think id still be into making fics esp for bnha if it werent for what happened with my fic server#the way some people spoke to me towards the end of it really made me step back like 'wow these are the people i write for?'#it was only the smallest handful of people but yknow people focus on negatives more than positives#and after that i just. lost motivation#i finished regen honestly kind of just wanting it to be over instead of looking foward to what came next#thought back to conversations with that one handful of people literally crying almost nightly for Months#and was kinda like 'is this what its like to actually be a creator because i dont want this feeling'#BUT NOW I HAVE A GREAT SERVER AND I LOVE ALL OF THEM DEARLY <3#my comic readers are all absolute sweethearts and i'd die for all of em#100% taught me the thing about small close communities always being better than big ones#thats why i'm so okay with the stats of my comic now compared to my fics#im happy with the numbers now#my brain is very full tonight yall can tell#its the adderall#todo kipp toe flam quicksilvers and everyone else in the server iluuuuu
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the thing about transphobia is its fucking vile and ingrained in people's brains to the point that unless they are directly confronted to it (by questioning their gender or maybe sometimes having a close relative/friend question their gender) they will NOT or just barely reexamine their transphobic views and opinions and even people who youve trusted for years can and will disappoint you. and it fucking sucks
#when ppl you vaguely think of as friends complain abt kids knowing what gender is.. im never willingly entering a room with only cishets#ever again ahaa#didnt call them out on it (& the other stuff they said) but i might have if my best friend was here :')#glad he didnt have to hear any of that though#they also went on to say the most horrible things about autistic ppl. also some racist stuff im pretty sure#anyway great evening <3 funny how ive completely lost my trust in 3 different people tonight#i wrote out every bit of the conversation as soon as i got home bc ik thats the kind of things im gonna want to remember in a while :-)#dont forget dont forgive <3#txt
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i love my tav so much. would love to finish a drawing of her someday
#insert corresponding gif from the office here#nevy says words#[imagines a comic. imagines a comic. imagines a comic]#[never draws any]#forever stuck as a fandom of one going in circles about blorbo from my brain#i hate it#this is why i almost never have ocs#i can't even fully realize the few i do have to my own satisfaction#......the 40+ pages of fanfiction i wrote for her don't count to me#even though i technically write them as standalone vignettes they feel like part of one big wip because#they all just take place over course of the game so x_x
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