i so desperately miss being REALLY into making fan content for stuff. like i miss the days where i was uploading fics rapid fire because i kept getting ideas but at the same time i'm like. really relieved about not doing it anymore? I rarely even open ao3 anymore and idek how i feel about it.

i think i miss the fun of it, but all the relief in stopping comes from no longer having to deal with other people that i'd be catering to and trying to please everyone. the moment i realized writing fics wasn't actually like. my job. i think i stopped feeling so burdened and just kind of ended up moving on altogether

and as much as i really really love focusing on original things now, there's definitely a kind of void i feel knowing the audience i did and still have and that the vast majority isnt interested in me as a creator once i'm no longer in a specific fandom yknow? like "wow over half a million have read this one fanfic but only the smallest fraction of that have read my comic"

that being said the biggest thing i've been learning over the last year is to just make content for myself and to try not to worry about Numbers

Who, or What, is a risuko?

Tagged by@candybagcj , transfemme Alan Wake. Alaina? Would that be Alaina?

Who were you named after?

Like most trans gals, i'm named after myself. i honestly didn't realize it would work out to be squirrel girl until it was far too late. i was just thinking i was being clever wiv bilingual numbers puns.

Last time you cried?

i don't remember, and this is honestly a bit of a problem for me. i kinda feel like it would be a healthier if i could just have a good, honest cry for once. Oh! Wait, i do remember! But it's not really a public consumption story, sorry.

Do you have kids?

No. Steps were taken. There are a few folx in my community young enough to be my kids, and i only hope i have been a positive parental-adjacent person in their lives. That's an honest hope, they're good kids (tho', i think the youngest of that lot is a whole-ass adult now. How time flies).

What sports do you play/did you play?

Zilch, nada, none. Not very sporty, me. i tried a couple when i was a real wee squirrel, but none of them really stuck. i do like biking around and walking, so i'm not completely inactive.

Do you use Sarcasm?

Not as much as i used to, honestly. i've made an effort to get out of the habit. Partly because it doesn't really track well in Japanese, and partly because i think Whedon-esque/mst3k-style 90's snark is a bane. i'm well tired of social masks, and happy to be quit of them (medical masks, tho', those are great).

First thing you notice about people?

Fashion and ink, how they hold their bodies. My aversion to looking at people's faces has only gotten worse as i've gotten older.

Do you have any talents?

i was a dab hand at embalming way back in the day, and i can still walk through all the steps in my head.

Scary Movies or Happy Endings?

Or, hear me out, scary movies wiv happy endings. i'm not against a total party wipe, and can appreciate them when they're done well. But i do like it when we can over come the metaphorical horrors, it happens so seldom in meatspace, you know? Also, i am morally obligated to mention here that the 1988 version of The Blob is one of the best movies ever, and is both scary and has a happy ending.

Where were you born?

i'm adopted, so i couldn't tell you wiv any real granularity. Blacksburg Virginia, US is as close as i can get you. Not a big city, tho', can't be that many hospitals. Unless i was born in a ditch. i'd honestly like it if i were a ditchwater baby.

What are your hobbies?

Creating in LittleBigPlanet (full series); wiv the official servers for 3 being down i've gone back to 1 & 2 to see how well i can do in those Create Modes; it's been fun. Trying to work up the courage to jailbreak my ps3 to get on the private servers, but fucking up my console or account isn't an expense i can really afford at the mo.

Do you have any pets?

i have a rat skeleton named Sydney who i rescued from a school i was demolishing (as part of a job, mind you. i didn't just rock up to some random school and start wailing away wiv a crowbar). i love her dearly, and have only fed her blood the couple of times.

How tall are you?

Oh! i just had a medical checkup, so i know this one; i am officially 178cm and some change.

What was your favourite subject in school?

Forensic Science in uni. We got to handle bones. i got to read through Spitz & Fisher's Medicolegal Investigation of Death. My prof had an entirely healthy fascination wiv kaiju (this was prior to coming to Japan, and in the 90's, so a bit more unusual than if i'd gone to school here).

Dream Job?

Embalming. Or at least something involving corpses. i get the dead way better than i get the living. And no corpse has ever called me fag (pejorative).

Who to tag, who to tag. Hrmm @soupum & @jacechaotic , but only to the extent you want to answer any of this, of course!

hm. for the character ask game. idolish7 protagonist bingo : -riku -tsumugi -hope -arme -momiji why not

SORRY THIS IS LATE. I did this earlier and accidentally closed my art program right as I was opening this ask so. Yeah. I'm going to put my thoughts below a cut like last time just to not flood any dashes <3

Riku Nanase: (IDOLiSH7, normal canon)

Riku's...really interesting to me in a few ways. Like, he is not my favorite by any means, but I think his character is one that I really enjoy digging into because of all of the small parts that go into making him him. He's been sick his entire life and wants to get past that and seen as a person rather than a weak little animal that's a burden, but he's also reckless and bull-headed. He starts fights and doesn't even realize it. He's selfish in a manner that is so innocent, and he's silly in a way that's deeply charming. I think he's a lot more than just the :D face you see him making a lot of the time, but he also is just very silly sometimes. And he can canonically see ghosts??? So there's that.

Tsumugi Takanashi (IDOLiSH7, normal canon)

Chitra this is your blorbo prime. You automatically won her a bingo square just by being my friend <3. Anyways! This is for anime/Rabbichat Tsumugi, since technically she isn't supposed to have much of a personality in the game and I think the anime does a lot for her character. She's really great! God is she fun! She's a workaholic freak that loves her boys dearly but man is there a lot more than just that. I would love to dig more into her as a character one day, but for now, I will just say BANGER female supporting character. I'm glad the boys are with her

Hope: (IDOLiSH7, Hoshimeguri no Kansokusha)

HOPE MY BELOVED. OH MY GOD. Well first of all, I'm not going to write a novelization of a story if I don't fuck with the main character. Like. I may not like them as a person, but I have to at least like them as a character. And Hope is just an excellent bildungsroman protagonist for this space fantasy adventure story. He's earnest and loving, and as the emotional core of the entire story, you NEED to understand why his personality is so integral to how things end up, and I think the writers did an excellent job with that in the original story. He's a deeply charismatic character in that I never want to stop writing things with him and all of his friends in it. I'm ill.

Arme: (IDOLiSH7, La Danse Macabre)

MY FIRST BINGO!! Arme my belarme. I roleplay him in one of my friend's multifandom servers. I have so many headcanons. He's a fucked up little creature and baby boy in a way both parallel and perpendicular to Haruka. I want to squish him and also watch him from a distance. The fact that you can choose his biggest decision in Danmaca is INSANE and speaks a lot to how his character progressed in the story without progressing too much. It's just. Ough. I know danmaca was long but honestly I would have loved it to be doubly as long just so I could see more of all the characters and more of Arme's development, especially post canon.

Momiji: (IDOLiSH7, Ayakashi Mangekyo Karatogaokuri)

I have to be real here. I have not read Karatoga in a recent enough time for me to remember a lot of Momiji's character. I remember thinking this was one of the weakest Kujis, but also, I'm not a big fan of tournament arcs and a lot of this Kuji is just one big tournament arc. I liked the central dynamic he was involved in and how a lot of Momiji's character background shared similarities with Sougo's in canon, but he's not really a stand out Kuji protagonist from what I can remember! If I go back and re-read, I'll reblog this with an updated opinion!

Thank you for the asks!! You should read Mechalala and LINK RING WIND now so you'll know all the protagonists :)

I'm Leaving Payday. For Good.

For real.

Hi there. For those who may have seen me around the place, I've been pretty vocal and angry about PAYDAY 2 since update 237. An update that overhauled the matchmaking system to use the worst EOS implementation I have ever seen that requires godforsaken, outdated, and deprecated friend codes to party up with people for the sakes of cross-play. In 2023. Yep, we're on the Wii apparently!

The update broke Linux support, a port the developers were more than happy to update and maintain...until March 2023, where something clearly changed internally, and tried to make a pre-emptive cover story of the Crude Awakening breaking the port. Until it was made pretty clear that, upon release of U237, that it was because of their EOS implementation. I'm not saying coincidences aren't possible, but Starbreeze have lied so much in the past that I do not give them that benefit of doubt anymore.

This is the company that decided to not give Linux users the common bloody courtesy of keeping the port updated until the end. Two updates away from the end of life. Think about that, really hard.

This alone broke all trust I had for Starbreeze. But their next moves really infuriated me:

PAYDAY 3 is trying to implement almost every AAA cliché in the book; Post-launch microtransactions to avoid legal ratings, five separate editions for the game on launch, separately purchasable DLC, a season pass (of varying sizes tied to the editions), and an fucking always online connection. With no offline mode.

And do you know what the sad part is? About all this? I'm genuinely excited for the stealth improvements PAYDAY 3 has to offer. I got to play on the Beta briefly and I was impressed by how nuanced it all was. It felt good to play.

But I am not touching a game with so much monetisation, that treats their audience like money mules that will buy anything, and especially for their prior history in this sector. Crimefest 2015 comes to mind.

For me, I'm going to still be around in other non-PAYDAY-focused servers, but my time on the Modworkshop, PAYDAY 2, and other similar discords has to come to a close. My heart has been shattered by recent events, and all I'm left with now is a pit in my stomach anytime I think about the game series, and an unwillingness to play or mod the game I once loved so dearly. A game I once praised as a great example of how to support a game on Linux, for righting it's wrongs, and for keeping up interest with community events. Now, I'm no longer interested in even Modding PAYDAY 3 now.

It's a damn shame too, because Unreal 4 is kinda my wheelhouse.

Now, I'm under no illusion that i'm in any way an influential figure in the community. I'm reasonably sure the moment I post this on MWS and other places it'll be forgotten about within the week. The shelf-life of the Internet is small, after all. But as small as I am, I should still matter to Starbreeze. And if I don't matter, well, that's not a relationship I want to have with any company.

It hurts me to divorce myself from a game I want to play, but it'll kill me if I continue playing it or its upcoming sequel.

I still have one more mod for Payday 2 to be posted, and that'll be out soon. But after that releases. I'm done. Gone. Finito.

I have tried to remain positive over these few months, but all roads seem to lead to Starbreeze ignoring my various pleas, and are all paved with their bad intentions. So all I can say to you all is this: Do not fall for their traps and mind games. They are not to be trusted: Ever. That sounds cynical, and it sounds conspiratorial, but Starbreeze's behaviour, despite all the managerial shake-ups (or perhaps because of it) has remained the same para-socially abusive company as they were in 2015.

I hope to see you all in a game that isn't going to shatter my trust so badly. Goodbye, and farewell.

-End of the year review-

Thank you for the tag @kitaychan! I was already thinking about making an end of the year/new year post but now this is the perfect opportunity :D

1. What fandoms did you create for?

I only created stuff for Hetalia this year :)

2. How many works did you make this year? Fics (posted on ao3 or tumblr or wherever), edits, gifsets, moodboards, playlists, fanart, vids, meta?

I recently collected all the drabbles from my nsfw account in a google doc and that alone is overwhelming.. I posted 8 fics on ao3, a total of 21 drabbles on tumblr (on this blog and @fireandspiceland), I made 2 playlists on spotify (but didn't make posts for them) and 2 moodboards! Oh and I cosplayed as Norway and Kugelmugel (but I only posted one edit of me as Nor).

3. What are you most proud of?

There's a lot of things I'm proud of! I'll try to name a few:

I actually kept up with writing for more than 6 months now :D I tend to start hobbies but not keep up with them on long term, so this is kinda big for me.

I went out of my comfort zone a LOT this year. Posting the things I write, joining discord servers and actually talking to the people there, and making friends both there and here on tumblr! You might think I'm an outgoing person, but I always put off posting my fics out of fear of critisism and it's not that easy for me to make the first step and ask someone for their discord or message them.

I started creating my own universe with it's own laws for my fic How'd I ever get so lost? It's my first 'big' project with multiple chapters that are telling one connected story and there's some world building involved that I invested a lot of thought into.

4. Any stats you wanna tell us about?

Here's some numbers I guess! I only had this blog for 8 month, I recently reached 200 followers, and my most popular work on ao3 is about to have 500 hits. ^-^

5. What inspired you this year? Any specific works or creators?

Almost everything I created last year was inspired by a song from one of the playlists I made or by other people's art or AUs.. I also had some very inspiring and interesting talks with mutuals and then there's the requests I get! The sheer amount of content that there is in this fandom and that people keep creating is firing my own imagination and without it I wouldn't be able to create the things I did and do. Tagging everone would go beyond the scope, but my biggest inspirations this year were..

@breitzbachbea who is always ready to support my with her historical knowledge and do some brainstorming on discord <3 from our talks I learned a lot about topics I never knew I would be interested in!

@plz-let-me-nap and her SuFin blog! Our talks inspired some great AU's (that I still haven't made posts about) and simping for the nordics is a lot more fun as a group activity <3

@kitaychan with her amazing writing style and stories that leave you begging for the next chapter. Her thoughtful comments had/have a big influence on How'd I ever get so lost? <3

@modernday-jay who introduced me to mint chocolate (my beloved) <3 and is always giving me food for thought with his posts and his characterisation of Allen.

@ironicorange with his stalker Alfred AU and @neon-spirals with his Arthur and his tentacle boyfriend AU. I just had to mention these two because I love these AU's and it's amazing to be able to contribute something to them <3

6. What’s a piece you didn’t expect to make? Why?

Every single drabble on @fireandspiceland! If half a year ago you told me I would be fullfilling requests for nsfw drabbles, I would have thought you were insane.

7. What are you excited to work on next year?

Well it's this year now, but I'm looking forward to continuing the demon Arthur AU! I have lots of ideas for it and can't wait to flesh them out more. What I also want to do is get more into the teenage dirtbag AU and the bible camp AU. I love both of them dearly and I think there's lots of dynamics between the characters to explore in the future.

Tag some people!

Many people are already tagged above, but I also would like to tag @amber-isnt-a-precious-stone @starflight-blog @j-ellyfish @koolkat9 @cocasoula who are very dear mutuals who I love seeing around and interacting with.

Tommy’s attachments

You know, Tommy’s character really does get so very, very attached to things so easily! They bring him a lot of happiness. And a lot of pain too. I wanted to make a list of some of the many things on the server Tommy values, and why. I’m not including the people, but many of the things are precious purely because of the people and memories they evoke. 

-His music discs, Cat, Mellohi and also Blocks. He likes them because of their sentimentality, how they were the first discs he owned and listened to. (And blocks the one he listened to with Jschlatt.) They have no value to anyone else. The only reason anyone would want them is to use them against Tommy! And he has to keep them locked away in his ender chest at all times, but brings them out as much as he can to listen to them!

-His bench, where he listens to music + the sunset. Where he goes at the end of every war. Once Tommy spent a whole stream just clearing the view with Fundy. Towards the end, they got an ask, suggesting they just move the bench a bit - as that’d be easier. No! The spot’s just as important. It’s home to so many memories and its got a lovely view of the sunset by a cliff edge. It’s a travesty that things get built there purely to block Tommy’s view, spoiling it. 

-Ninja’s house. It’s a pretty ugly building, complete with ill-fitting doors and yet Tommy is very defensive of it and he does repair it. Usually Tommy hates ugly buildings on his land as he likes to keep it a nice open space with lots of flowers. This building is an exception as its a memory of a really fun stream and one of Tommy’s coolest collabs. Ninja’s gone but his memory lives on in that house. (That’s also why Tommy offering it to Connor to live in was such a nice gesture.)

-The cuck shed. Tommy loved the stream he did with Jschlatt, who was his idol. This was even more special than ninja’s house, especially as jschlatt got banned from the server, seemingly forever. When Dream blew up Tommy’s base in the L’Manburg war, Tommy just requested they leave the cuck shed alone. He wanted it to remain undamaged. The rest of the damage? Upsetting but whatever. The cuck shed? That was precious and he was hurt that they’d do it even after he’d asked them to spare it. 

-The L’Mantree. When war was kicking off and Tommy was supposed to prepare, you know what the biggest thing he did was? Get obsidian to place around the L’Mantree to keep it safe no matter what happened. It was a symbol of the beginning, of the one tree that stood from the beginning of the SMP even after all their wars and how much everything had changed. After L’Manburg was blown up, he asked everyone to meet him there, to rally around it as a symbol of hope. That some things can remain pure and untouched. 

-Henry. His cow. This cow wouldn’t leave him alone as he first built his holiday home which was meant to be a good, more peaceful spot. He ended up basically building his house around Henry and quickly grew attached to the friendly cow. I think Henry got kidnapped about 3 times, by Quackity, by Dream and then by Sapnap, who accidentally killed him after Henry had been around for like 2 months. Tommy was devastated, building a grave for him and naming his holiday home after Henry the cow. Did you know? A few days after Henry died, Tommy walked into his base to find a cow called Ghost Henry (Tommy was upset by it and quickly killed it). The other server members just loved to remind him of his loss... 

-Mushroom Henry. Tommy had conflicted feelings of a cow named after Henry but he recognised it was a really nice gesture and soon grew fond of it and how it as a good source of food in exile. When Dream blew up Logstedshire, he made a special effort to kill Mushroom Henry in front of Tommy, right after Tommy had been laughing at it cutely spinning in a corner. 

-Juorse. Another pet. Tommy missed having a pet and went to find another. He soon discovered this horse and was thrilled at its awesome jumping ability. Upon discovering it was very slow, Tommy decided that didn’t matter at all - this wasn’t a war horse, it was a friend horse, great for walking down the prime path. Tommy even chose Jourse its own theme music. Guess how long it took for the horse to get kidnapped? Like a day or two... Sapnap soon killed it when Tommy refused to trade him back Mars, Sapnap’s fish. 

-Definitely Not Penis. Dream’s Crossbow. The legacy to Not Penis which was lost when Dream fell in lava. Tommy had been on the wrong side of these weapons many a time. In the railway war, Tommy stole this weapon off dream, along with his armour and sword. He tried to convince Dream to trade the stuff back in return for a music disc. Tommy considered the crossbow as the item of the most value with its distinct name, feeling like it had history. In the end he traded the stuff back for Spirit, the remains of Dream’s very first pet. After Tommy got banished, Dream gifted his crossbow to Tommy, who was extremely touched by the gesture - more fond of the crossbow than that the netherite armour and stack of gapples that Dream had also gifted him - the crossbow was special and he tried to show it off to Wilbur repeatedly. Dream, finally his friend and on his side! It’s not often he’s given presents of such value. Tommy lost it in the war, but Tubbo had secretly picked it up and gave it to Tommy before they confronted Dream in the disc saga finale, and Tommy was overjoyed. (He died and lost it a few days ago sadly.) 

-The axe of peace. Techno’s axe. Tommy really looked up to Techno and one of the first things they did on the server was take Antfrost hostage for fun. Techno used the axe of peace, saying a hit from it could cause memory loss. It’s Techno’s oldest weapon. While staying at Techno’s house, Tommy helped him get it back from Tubbo and Ranboo. A day later, Techno gifted it to him to Tommy’s pleasure - he was very in awe of the weapon. Tommy holds onto to it when he switches sides. Tommy loves wielding it, even making a point to kill Dream with it before locking him in prison.

-The drug van. One of his happiest memories on the server was making drugs with Wilbur. This van soon became the centre of L’Manburg. The actual van got blown up many times but the simple memory of it stood strong. That’s why the night before confronting Dream, he remade a version of it inside his house, the part with the tables and the brewing stands. Tommy and Wilbur, the good ol days before things went bad.

-’Your Tubbo’ compass. Ghostbur gave it to him. It pointed to Tubbo and Tommy never wanted to forget how much Tubbo meant to him as he dearly missed him in Exile. Tommy carried it with him into Doomsday, where it got lost, but it didn’t matter so much as he had Tubbo back for real.

-Chirp, Wait, Stal and Pigstep. While they’re not as special as his main music discs, Tommy loves all music discs (except 11 and 13). Chirp in particular is the first music disc anyone ever gave Tommy. (It only took them 5 months xD) Tommy was very grateful to Bad for this, saying he now considered the two of them friends and he played Chirp a lot throughout his exile, finally playing it once more in the aftermath of Doomsday. Wait was gifted by Techno and it’s CC!Tommy’s favourite C418 disc. Tommy loves Pigstep too as its rare and was also gifted to him and he likes trying to rap to it. Tubbo let him keep Stal, supposedly the first one on the server which they found on the stream with Lani, Tubbo’s sister. 

-Tommy’s base. No matter how full of holes and how much everyone else moves out, Tommy loves his house. It’s so very his. It’s been pranked and griefed many times but Tommy doesn’t care. He always repairs it and even became nostalgic for it in the old days when it was made mostly out of dirt rather than smooth stone. He never wants to move out. And his value of it makes it really feel like the centre of the server. 

-The prime path. He loves walking down it, ideally without armour on. He frequently repairs it and tends to it. (In exile he also became very attached to his prime log). 

-The Dream SMP as a whole. This is an interesting one but Tommy has recently just been absolutely appreciating the server. He frequently brings up how it looks, and how much he cares about it. He’s so very attached to it, loves living in it - especially after being exiled more than once and always wants it to be a great place. That’s part of why he’s so concerned with the egg. And he claimed he wanted his hotel to be a new landmark after how buildings like the community house got destroyed. 

what happened? :(

so I wake up early for work. double check the details for the concert im excited to go to tonight and wow find out I can't go because of the new covid policy that wasnt there when i planned it. had to text my friend i was going with to cancel

didnt cry but came close a few times

let my manager know i no longer need to leave early for the concert which is great because like 3 servers who are supposed to work are sick (not covid) so im like yah I'll stay

by time i was initially supposed to leave ive got a headache bc oh yeah I got up early to work the breakfast shift

Boom. Mask requirement at work.

Have you had to put on a mask after months of normalcy? I have. I about cried. I moved last year because i wanted to finally step out and do fun things every now and then after years of being on a grind. Really wanted to see live music in particular. Tisn't fun to feel that pried out of your hands again. kinda sucks a whole lot

the reason the employees at my job in particular need to wear masks? Most of the staff (read: folks i love dearly) are leaving for school and on one hand im gonna miss them a whole lot, and on the other, we will be desperately short-staffed these next few months. Can't afford to have anyone need quarantine. (Forget my funny little plan to have extra time to myself for a bit.)

One of the poor girls who was sick and did come in today and i were doing setup in a sideroom and were like "keep it together we can cry later ❤" because we were exhausted, disappointed, and still had a long night ahead

I worked 12 hours today. and in my line of work theres no breaks. Just enough time to eat your lunch and see the restroom once or twice but you're on your feet and talking to guests and carrying trays and cleaning all the way through

so basically: too tired to even cry about it. gonna go ahead and dig my uniform masks back out and well. deal I guess

I’ll get to those Magic Crafter Dragons I sweeeear But first, fun stuff from Discord. Dunno who made the original, it was just posted on a server, but yeet I did it anyway First of all, I don’t play a lot of games. I like games and the idea of them. I enjoy people playing stuff, I love watching others play. It’s that little sibling culture. But lemme toss a word or few about all of these. Though first of all, I only own 4 of the 8 games listed and even still I’ve only played 3 of them xD R.I.P. Pokemon Cafe Mix - The game is just Super Cute. Like oh my god Aesthetics! Adorable, every pokemon looks so nice and I just want to go to the cafe and taste everything and just chill. Please. It looks so cozy and relaxing. Gameplay is fairly simple too. Sometimes things seem a bit BS but in one way or another I’ll get through every stage etc. so it’s not too bad. Most of the time relaxing, can be addicting because of how simple things are. But really I love the game and I hope one day they’ll add more of the pokemon I like xD Buizel is my current favourite <3 It’d be nice seeing Mienshao or Mienfoo for one, maybe Glameow as it doesn’t get a lot of attention. We got Gogoat, but I wouldn’t mind a Sawsbuck or Deerling Pokemon Black 2 - To keep the Pokemon trend going, this is my fave out of the mainline games. I’ve been a fan ever since the first generation, I’m older than Gen 1 at that. But yeah, we did buy games but Nintendo stuff was too expensive and so I never really got to play those growing up. Black 2 was the first game I ever bought, for myself, with my own money. It was my first game and I loved it dearly. Still do and man I’d Love to replay it, but the curse of only 1 save file is cruel. I don’t want to restart my first ever save file. Currently I have no way of transferring anything over and I even have a Shiny Gothorita there (as underwhelming as it is, it was my first ever shiny). I love these games~~ Lots of different pokemon to choose from, great story, the fact that it’s a sequel is so freaking cool and unique I Love It So Much. Of course it’d be cool to have some extra things to do in it, like cleaning my badges, contests would be cool, I loved the mining stuff in Gen 4 when I got to try it on my friend’s Platinum save file as a kid. Speaking of, Gen 4 games would probably be my favourites, if I ever had the chance of owning and playing any fully. They have soooo much to do in them! Gen 5 is good and certainly up there in faves, but bruh, Gen 4 had all sorts of extra stuff, especially Platinum, and in HG/SS you had Pokemon following you like bruh that’s Crazy and I’d love to have that for a game I own, it’s like a dream Honorable mentions to Mystery Dungeon and Gen 6′s Pokemon Y for some grand memories. Firstly Pokemon Y, the second game I ever owned I think, great fun. I played that game for hooooooooours and it’s the only Pokemon Game that I’ve both played as a Nuzlocke and actually reset to play again. Also the first gen where I actually really got into competitive stuff, breeding for natures and stuff, and I’ve caught so many shinies in Y and Omega Ruby (mostly Y, OR has 1 shiny in Pidove, while Y has Ninetales, Pachirisu, Burmy, Gligar, and perhaps some other ones I caught/hatched myself). Mystery Dungeon games get a mention for having cool stories and I like the idea of the personality test and stuff. I’ve never played or owned any of these games, but I’ve watched Marriland play a handful of the games and currently am enjoying MDB playing through the first games in the series. Also a quick bloop on Colosseum being Cool as heck, and Battle Revolution gets a shoutout for looking so freaking good, having amazing music and making me search up videos with my favourite pokemon and just looking and watching hundreds of videos just because they looked so nice

Fire Emblem has to be the 2nd series of games I’ve gotten the most into. Although I’m a fairly new fan and my experiences and knowledge are limited, I do still enjoy the series and games - both old and new - a bunch. I only own Awakening, Conquest and 3 Houses, but I’ve again watched others play the past games a bunch, so I have some knowledge and memorable moments from those games too. Now I haven’t actually gotten myself to play 3 Houses yet, I’ve seen playthroughs of the game already and know the story etc. But yeh. Still, I’d say that I’ll probably like 3 Houses more than Awakening and Conquest. Awakening is nostalgia galore for me, but it does have its things with the story and characters and stuff. It’s nice, but I dunno, I just feel 3 Houses has an edge on it in some way. Maybe it’s just... Less controversial? Less Flame Wars? Maybe? Fates games, well, we all know the big glaring thing here. The story. And some of the characters suffer from this too. I kinda do wish that the Player had a biiiit more control in how the story went and played out, like I feel you definitely could have saved Scarlet in some way still, and all that. But eh, there’s enough stuff for me to go and prefer 3 Houses over it. And yes, I like choosing the members of my team and playing however I like, so giving me the ability to class my characters however I want is going to be a mistake as I’ll just make everyone a mounted unit and get destroyed but hey! Options :2 Variety :22 Great tiiiiimes~ Also it’s Blue Lions for me, Golden Deer Second Now for the games I don’t own. I chose Radiant Dawn because the Tellius games are just so good. I love the character in them, the story is pretty solid and the worldbuilding is cool too :2 I like both of the games, and while Path of Radiance is more coherent and doesn’t give split the characters up a bunch, Radiant Dawn has More of the great characters :2 Yes I know, not all of them are as fleshed out and thought out as the first game’s characters, but yo I still love them. I love a good continuation to a story. I love a ‘hey maybe it wasn’t as Black & White as we were made to believe’ twist. Also just hella good memories from watching BigKlingy play these games. The audience memed Aran to the final levels. We did it, he did so well, Aran deserved to be there xD Radiant Dawn also brings us Nailah, who is just. Yeah, you speak to me on so many levels, I’m easily readable. But also, woman, wolf, strong, yasss~~ Also I love the idea of the Jaegan character being a Thief/Assassin. That’s just so different and cool to me after all these Horse Units. And I’m the one guy who likes Levail and would love to see more of him. Give us more of Levail, the man who almost made it to being playable. Man. Levail is probably the one reason I’d pick Radiant Dawn over Path of Radiance xD The other game I’ve watched BigKlingy play through (and that’s my only experience on that game) is Sacred Stones. Pretty solid game all in all. Story, characters, but speaking of that story, if you really think about it, it’s Hella Dark, and that’s actually kinda cool in a way. I’m not that into dark stories, but here it worked. Also watched PhoenixMaster1′s playthrough on the Echoes game. I do like the game, if i find it one day I Might buy it but I’m not like in a hurry to get it. It was cool though, different for reasons but hey~ Also, Berkut, yes. I’m one of those people who like this angry man. But come on, he was really good xD Spyro I’ve already talked about in my lengthy little thing that I’ll get to continuing eventually xD But yes, I freaking love Spyro, my childhood, still very enjoyable experience full of great memories Metroid Fusion - Oh boy here come the nostalgia~ I’ve actually never played any Metroid games myself. I got introduced to the series in the early 2010s through youtube videos. I’m fairly sure it was me looking through dozens and dozens of Top 10 videos, several of which were on ‘the scariest bosses’, either unexpectedly scary or something else. But guess what, Nightmare from Fusion was in there, and I Think the person in the video said something on not wanting to even show the final forms of Nightmare’s face because it was that horrifying to them. And honestly? The fact that they didn’t show how bad it got, mixed with my morbid curiosity and woop, here I go~ Down the Metroid rabbithole where I watched a lot of videos on people fighting Nightmare and the other bosses in the game, eventually going into watching full run-throughs of the game and enjoying my time. Game looked pretty good, soundtrack was really nice too. And so I ended up on listening to a lot of the game series’ music and getting more familiar with the other games and the lore too. Learning to know that Samus was a lady was also hella badass. Fusion started it all for me, and while Super Metroid is cool, people also just play it a loooot, especially the Speedrunners, there’s also plenty of hacks based on that game and yeah I get it the game is Good, but that makes Fusion all the more special to me~ Devil May Cry 3 - Ok so again, I’ve not played any DMC games myself. This one again though is nostalgia ocean for me~ 2010 or such, I’m on some forum, said forum has a forum game based around songs or such and someone links one from this game. I Think it was the Doppelganger battle theme, or then I just found that one and listened to it for hours among the other battle themes these games have because they’re soooo gooood~~ DMC 4 was fairly new at that time, but I remember Gredo’s and Agnus’ themes being up there in songs I listened to a lot too. My experiences and stuff on this series was fully based on the songs, images on said songs, bits and pieces of the cutscenes of these games I saw and comments I read. I didn’t get too deep into DMC back then though, but I did have a bit of knowledge here and there, even if my idea of the stories in all the games was, well, I wouldn’t call it warped, but I definitely had imagined the story going differently to how things actually went xD Still, as a few years back I returned to DMC out of that feeling of nostalgia, and discovered DMC 5 had Just been released, boi, I was In. And I watched through cutscene compilations, playthoughs and what have you on all the games (Except for DmC, boot to you ReBoot), and it was quite the hype time~ I enjoy the chracters, the story that there is around them, and just how carefree and fun stuff can be. The party sure did get crazy~ Lost Dimension - The last game I have on the list there. This might be a weird one and I get that yeah. How many have even heard of this game? I sure wouldn’t have ever known of it without BigKlingy’s playthrough of it. But that playthrough was full of memories, I should really rewatch it one day~ I may not remember an awful lot about the game, but I do keep coming back to it in one way or another. I liked the character designs, the fact that all of them were unique and had their own abilities, there was a bit of story around all of them, the traitor system had you thinking & made each run a little different... That’s some Cool Stuff! The game might be a bit obscure and seriously not known at all, but for what it was, it was great and I enjoyed it a bunch! And now for stuff that wasn’t on the list but I kinda still want to mention. Because why not~ IB - This Almost made it onto the list, but I felt a little closer of a connection to the other games on it. But IB is one of those games from the early 2010s that I also got introduced to through the wonderful world of Youtube. I have forgotten the name of the person whose playthrough in the game I watched. But I watched a ton of people play this game. It was just. So cool. The puzzles in this game were nice and the fact I myself could solve and understand them too was pretty nice to me, and for some reason I just enjoyed watching other people react to the game and try solving stuff. It also had a couple different endings so watching and seeing what the other people got was also interesting. Great memories~ Witch’s House / Ao Oni / Mad Father - And all sorts of other horror games that kinda fall under this grouping and style and stuff. Yeah, IB kinda opened a bit of a thing for me as I realized I greatly enjoyed the horror games with puzzle elements to themselves + a bit of story here and there. There’s definitely much much more than these 3, I watched soooo many of these games being played by others. Ao Oni I may have discovered through my Hetalia phase though, HetaOni, if any of you still recognize that name. Daym. Although at first I didn’t want to watch HetaOni because of the portraits. Pfffff I thought the person who made them was being mean to some of the characters, but nah, I’d later learn that those were simply just mimicing the ones from the original game. But yeah, Ao Oni had a dozen variants and things inspired by it so those kept me busy for a whiiiiiile Hades - Now here’s a cool recent game! Again, haven’t played it, but it looks cool. The story is nice, character designs are God Like (hehe), soundtrack is super cool, aesthetics and oh my god everything is voice acted oh my gooood. This game is just. So cool. And the team who did it seems really cool too and are seemingly full of nice amazing people. This is definitely some great example work on how things should be done :2 Definitely something to look up to, I love everything about them~ The only reason Hades isn’t up there is because of its recentness and my brain not managing to think of it somehow even as I struggled to come up with stuff (I was mostly trying to think of stuff I had played, so that’s one thing. I even struggled to remember DMC because my current hyperfixations are elsewhere and that’s freaking Wild considering how much I enjoy DMC) But yeah, Hades is Super Freaking Cool Crash Bandicoot - These games I did play as a kid actually, the 1st one was way too hard and the 3rd one was my favourite. I like Crash, these games were nice too and I have plenty of good memories with the game, just not enough to make it up there on my list. Yeah it sounds stupid that I’d take out a game I actually played and replace it with stuff that I didn’t, but... Hey, my list Minecraft - Watched several videos on other people pllaying this game, I know of it, I respect it, but I’ve never played it myself and stuff. It’s cool but didn’t make it on the list Animal Crossing - Riiiiiight, these games seem adorable and I wouldn’t mind owning an AC game one day. I’d probably reset continuously though to get Skye in my town/village/island, she’s my favourite xD If the recent game had cost lest I might have gotten it. 60-70€ is just, a lot of money Persona - I guess I’ll mention these too. My experiences are through Bigklingy’s videos again. 3 is a fave, 4 seems cool, 5 I don’t know a lot about but it seems nice too. I probably wouldn’t be able to play these games myself, since some fights kinda need certain things and strategies and you can’t really just pick whatever and whom ever and roll through with brute strength. I mean, I Guess you could, but that might not be as fun in the long run? Who knows, but it’s not exactly like Pokemon or Fire Emblem in those regards you know The big conclusion is that I like all sorts of different aesthetic looks, mostly probably natural with some brighter colors in it. Stories are good, I love stories! Good characters with nice designs and backstories are really nice too. Things being thought out and built nicely is great you know? A little bit of strategy, fantasy here and there. Nothing too dark and gloomy or ‘hyper realistic’ or what have you. I guess no first person shooters either, though combat is fine. Games where I can pick and choose what to use and what kinds of ‘teams’ I build and the ‘members’ I use in them is nice. I do love watching others play, but with games like Pokemon & Fire Emblem I have that drive of choosing who to use and having my own unique experience kinda gets me to buy the games.

Kithies and 2021

despite 2020 being a negative year, I want to rather leave it in a positive way to also enter 2021 positively.

First, I would like to thank all of my followers, who had been here from the beginning, the middle or only came around this time. Every like, reblog, comment or share you make gives my blog a life and makes it to the blog it is right now <3. 

Second, I want to thank following people;

@scifiji -- Sephi I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart to text me around March/ April and to just built up a friendship, that started off simply but grew really deeply and beautiful. I want to thank you for trusting me, and being so close to me, to have listened to me so many times and to have helped me. I hope that this friendship will possibly never end and that we can share even more moments together. This year got really special thanks to you making the small and simple decision to text me one day. <3 You are really important to me.

@silent-wonders Diana, I want to thank you for being always the great waifu and being always so playful and funny. I love to share the small jokes, even insider and almost just not serious kinks that we make up everytime we mention something stupid. All the funny memories also made my 2020, despite it being not really nice due to corona. I am really glad that we joined the same IG GC once and got to meet over that. I think I couldn’t have shared these funny moments with someone else, so thank you a lot for sharing one braincell with me and keeping up with my small brain <33 You are too, very important to me

@doingitforbokuto Ivana I know that we didn’t talk a lot, but a few times here and there, but I just want to let you know that you are a great person and you have always the rights words for someone. You are very mature and also smart, thank you a lot for dealing with me this year and cheering me up whenever you were online.<3

@tunnelvision-luv Thank you a lot Suf for being a great friend and keeping always the mood up. You have a mind full of talent, that is having a very ideaful mind and always getting new ideas for fanfics. I hope that the hate will stop this year, since I personally believe that mistakes are human and that you shouldn’t apologize so often. In an argument its always the fault of both sides, the one is leading the others to an misunderstanding and the other side is just simply believing in that and not even trying to change something/ trying to solve the mistunderstanding. So thanks a lot for all, even small, memories you gave us through your server <3

@dorkyhaikyu I know that we barely talked, but I still want to thank you for being so supportive at the beginning of my blog and I dearly hope that you are doing well <33

@aquariarose I want to thank you for always sending asks in and just making my day by knowing that there will be not a week without an ask, even if its just a small one and a checkup, I know that you are busy and I appreciate you taking time to write me something <3

@kawaiinishii thank you so much for being the sweetest person and literally giving small comments about anything <33 I hope that you have a great 2021, even if we don’t talk often hun <33

@kara-grayson04 thank you so much for just talking sometimes and checking up <33 I know thtat we didn’t get to talk this year that much, but I also hope for you that 2021 will get much better for you <33

And now also some people who I barely/ didn’t talk to much but they still supported me very often or I had nice interactions with them @astrooliver @mizunetzu @teenitinygod @haikyoonn @game0ve7

I want to express, as briefly as I can, how dearly I wish that the SMP was more balanced, in reference to plot/other stuff. I joined mcyt during the election arc, and during that time there were still quite a few streams of just, friends messing around plying Minecraft together. Then, when the exile arc hit, it felt like lore was happening every day, and it felt impossible to keep up. It was around this time that I started seeing a decrease in just... chill, silly Minecraft streams. Not even just messing around, but also just people building stuff and playing Minecraft to play Minecraft. It’s very much so turned into a self contained universe, in which everything that happens on the server is a part of the story; cc’s seem to always have to be in character or they at least have to be ready to be pulled into lore at any given moment. Now don’t get me wrong— I adore the lore, I think it’s so absolutely amazing to see the sheer effort and complexity and passion in it all, and it makes me so happy to see all the ways certain cc’s thrive in it. I just wish it was less concentrated, so that in the space between the heavy, sometimes stressful lore, we could have meaningfully meaningless moments of respite. I think it’d be really cool to see a stream from Dream in prison, yeah! And I’d adore seeing George and Sapnap and Karl and Quackity visiting him. I hope we get more angsty Karl forgetting sap and quackity. But I also think it would be really fun to see Dream, not c!Dream but cc!Dream and cc!george building a new cottage, maybe with karl and quackity, bc none of them really have a base. I think it’d be fun to see them decide to start a giant build together, and just do that. Maybe they go chart other areas of the smp, or literally just do anything— I want to just get to see them play the game together however they want to, and I want to get to see them care about it in a way that isn’t the almost hopeless scrambling of their poor traumatized characters. I want George, who doesn’t really like lore and rp, to have something to be invested in and excited about on the server. I want Dream to be able to still play on his own server even though he’s technically in prison in the lore. To reiterate, I adore the lore. It’s so fucking cool, and I really, really love it. But idk. Sometimes I just want to get to see these silly block babes play their silly block game together, just to play. It’d be great content to fill in the gaps, to give the viewers room to breathe, etc etc, but it’d also let people who aren’t prominently featured in lore still get their play time and not feel like they have no place in the world. I think that a little bit of balance would just be nice<3

This may or may not go up by the time midnight hits or slightly after for me, let’s see what happens! I’ve been working on this since 9:30 PM EST, I expect it’ll be done by 12:50 AM EST. Hopefully I’m right so it ain’t too late gjnhg

For starters: Happy New Year everyone! Hard to believe we lived in the decade where this beauty was created. Nonetheless, there are multiple people I want to thank -- along with a much needed personal note from me. Everything will be put into a read more, but trust me, it’s long. Thank you all for making the final days of this decade very welcoming for me!

@kiidreamu​ & @theabyssalmuses​

It’s rather silly for me to start with you two, because I’ve got quite a bit to say; so here goes! I’ve known you two for...quite a while huh? I can’t recall the exact time, but I know we’ve been mutuals since I went by Phantom -- which was a long while ago. Regardless, I’ve always enjoyed you two on my dash; and I’ve always really liked interacting with y’all OOC! I’ve always had a blast speaking with you two (specifically now w all this fuckin Bear Ass shit).  I really enjoy the way you two write your muses, I think you both should have a lot more faith in them because they’re very fun to see on the dash! It’s pretty clear y’all put a lot of effort into your writing, even if you say you don’t, I for sure notice it.  Hime, I know you said you admired me - but there’s nothing to admire! You and Kii are equally as good as me, but I’m definitely not much. However, I never posted it (because I had it in my drafts and still do) because it meant a lot to me. I’ve never been told something like that aside from Norgie, so it made me feel happy in a dark time.  Thank you both for continuing to be my friends, truly. 

@fantasyacrossworlds​

Awoo! You and I have known each other for a long time, too (most people tagged here I’ve known for 2 - 4 years hujhj)! I’m VERY happy that we’re mutuals again, I’ve truly missed interacting with you! I’m so glad that it seems Orion and Cass are going to have a chaotic friendship that will always end on Orion running to Artemis LMAO. I’m looking forward to more interactions! 

@sanzenxsekai​​ 

I already gave you a super long post explaining how much me and Norgie are thankful for you, so I’ll remind you in a tl;dr version. WE ALL LOVE YOUR STINKY GREMLIN + YOU!! Please keep writing Nobu in 2020! Thank you so much for being such a good friend to me. 

@mcphistcples​

You don’t even realize how much of a positive impact you’ve had on both me and my girlfriend. You’re absolutely hilarious and I’m incredibly happy you chose to start interacting with a disaster like me. As a Dies fan, I fucking love your Rein. You write him fantastically and it’s always fun to see your interactions with BB’s JAlter.  I am looking forward to the dramatic reading of My Immortal: Bear Ass Edition : ) 

@stxrdust-pxper​

We haven’t talked much OOC properly, but we’ve known each other just about the same time as me and Norgie have been dating - so almost 2 years! You’re a pretty cool person, I’m happy you joined my new server because it’s given myself and others a chance to chat with you more. Thank you for all the kindness you’ve given me throughout the time we’ve known each other, I’ve never said it until now, but it truly has stuck with me and helped me become happier.

@bloodsoakedsakura​ / @idoldragos​

There’s actually a lot I’d like to say, some I’ll leave out for now. For starters, thank you for having my back for three years straight. Seriously. You’ve been there for me through a whole lot, honestly surprised you’ve stuck with me for as long as you have.  You’ve stood up for me when the time came for it and I’m honestly so thankful you did. Every time you hop in call with us it’s usually always fun and stupid (in a good way), so thank you for being part of my band of misfits as long as you have Sades. Even though you’re a boomer who didn’t stop me rolling 200 of my Quartz, I forgive you... dontkillmepls

@yuichiroswife​

Speka, you’ve been a great help to me and Norgie a great amount of times as of late. Thank you so much, you’re an incredibly kind person and I’m glad we became friends!!

@muniificus​

I’ve known you for 3 years too I’m 90% certain, it’s insane how long I’ve known a lot of you - it feels like forever but it also feels like time has gone by so quickly! Much like Sades, I’m very thankful you’ve stuck around for as long as you have Icarus. Thank you for putting up with my dumb ass, and ultimately having fun in return! alsoihavethereplyforanastasiadraftedipromise

@fakepriest​

I’ve sent you an ask with a lot of what would’ve been said in here, but I want to let you know that I’m extremely grateful that you’ve kept being my friend to. I enjoy our conversations a lot, especially when we talk about things like Heaven’s Feel because they’re usually always such fun things to talk about. 

Much like the ask I’ve sent you, your Kirei is so scarily accurate it nearly simulates his actual personality flawlessly. That’s how scary good at writing this tofu loving fake priest. I’m so happy it’s you who’s writing him, not to play the pedestal game, but I genuinely can’t see anyone else (not even myself) coming close to how phenomenal your portrayal is.  #kireisquad

@arkdiia​

Though our first conversation first chatting again wasn’t expected, I’m super glad you came back to Tumblr and I’m thrilled to be friends w you again! Hopefully for 2020, you and I /both/ catch a break lmfao.

@saintguine​

Much like Anna, I’ve already told you what I wanted to here in the form of an ask a few hours ago - however, I do wish to say smth that I’m sure a lot of people feel. Regardless of how you think about yourself, you’re a very good person BB and we’re all very blessed to know you. You’re absolutely one of my best friends, and though there was a point where we lost communication for a bit, I’m very grateful our friendship is the exact same. 

We all care u BB, thank u for bein gud to all of us

Kayla & Sere

This post is incredibly long already, luckily I’m just about done -- but I’ve got three people to go starting with you two!

Sere, you’ve heard me vent a lot and you’ve known me (Kayla has known me this long too) for a pretty damn long time if you ask me, 3 years may not seem like a lot to people, but with all the stuff we’ve all gone through these 3 years? It’s been a LOT and I can’t say I’d be the person I am without you hearing my dumb ass vent and creating Cursed Night.  I appreciate all of your icons, thank you for giving us (Hell) special treatment with them. Seriously! While you are a best friend for sure, you’re also practically family to me. Thank you again for everything. 

Kayla, the same of what I said for Sere is said for you. You’re legit like my older sister, you’ve been there for me for just bout the same amount that Norgie has; you’re someone who means a lot to both me and Norgie, so thank you for giving talking to us a chance way back when you were shy (I think that’s what it was!). There have been a lot of ups and downs for all of us, but I’m glad the downs at least had the positive effect of giving me a second family who I love dearly. I actually teared up on this part, so god help me when I write for Norgie.

@letoborn​ / @uwuwrote​

I’m going to save a lot of what I want to say to you for our anniversary in June, but I will say a few things because I love you so very much.

When I met you, I was not expecting you’d turn out to be the woman of my dreams. You’re genuinely my better half, and I have never been as happy as I am than I am with you. You’ve truly had the biggest impact in my life Norgie, you’ve made me laugh, cheered me up when I’m sad, called me out when I was dumb and helped me better myself. 

I’m so incredibly happy I got to spend the rest of the last decade being your boyfriend, and now, going into 2020 - a whole new decade with you. Like I said, you’re my better half - I can’t see myself with anyone else but you. You’re the greatest treasure in my life, I’m so happy we’ve had all this fun with roleplaying.

Thank you so much Norgie, for giving me Orion/Artemiis, all of our other ships - being my soulmate (at least, I think so). I hope 2020 treats us both well, but I’m willing to go through whatever as long as it’s with you.

Now, that’s the end of that -- but I have a few extra things to say.

My 2019 has been...quite possibly the hardest year of my life, at least on the internet. For a very long time, I was fearful of interacting with others - I made mistakes that I wish I could take back, I got put through hell for nothing...man, I don’t wanna go back in and say what happened, what is and isn’t true -- the long story short is, shit happened, but it’s the past now. 

I want to go into 2020 just..as positive as I can be, I’m tired of the drama, I just want to have fun with my friends and my girlfriend you know? So, I’m finally choosing to move on and just...try having fun again. This choice would be impossible without the people mentioned in this post. 

From the bottom of my heart, thank you to all of you who have stuck around through it all for me. I’m so incredibly thankful to be part of the friendgroup I’m in, to know everyone I’ve met who’s put up with me. I’ve had so many times where I wanted to leave this site, but I wanted to keep trying to write with everyone -- to have fun with everyone. You all have no idea how genuinely happy you’ve all made me, just by writing with my Orion and Norgie’s Artemis. 

Though I couldn’t think of anything to say specifically for the others tagged below here, thank you all for everything as well -- just following me makes me happy. I’m sure I’ve forgotten some people, but trust me, I’m so very happy to know all of you.

@dekirukoto @wisesteyed @lacobscur @akhilleuskcsmcs

2019, oh how you’ve destroyed me.

basically i’ve seen a ton of posts like this, especially by one of my best interweb pals (lookin at you, C @hey-im-pan ) and it’s inspired me to make one of my own! i journal a LOT but it’ll be interesting to try and sum everything up in little synopsis.

*side note: i struggle with anxiety, depression, insomnia, and ocd, so those and their effects may be mentioned. be cautious. This also doesn’t include a lot of the more personal instances, so don’t take it as an accurate representation of what it is like living with these issues*

January:

Honestly, not much happened. I went on a college visit trip with a few of my friends to my dream school, which was stressful but informative, and my anxiety attacks were far and in-between. Sleep schedule was wack (has been since 7th grade), but i was functioning. Dysphoria (i’m nonbinary, but hadn’t really even come out to myself then) was pretty high this month in particular for some reason, so i finally started trying to convince my mom to let me cut my hair off. (I had like 2.5 feet it was a mess)

February:

Finally came out to one of my close friends as pan, kinda accidentally but she was chill with it :) My grandma had a weeklong sickness that scared the shit out of me, but she got better for the time being. I was constantly pushing myself academically and physically at practice, but my grades were taking a bit of a nosedive because i didn’t have the capacity to deal with everything, but i bottled it up because i hate feeling weak. I continued to explore my sexuality, and started to research the gender spectrum.

March:

School and Crew (rowing sport) were the only things on my mind at all times. I started having more anxiety attacks again, and decided it was time to talk to my doctor about going back on meds after 3 years off them. IB was kicking my ass, but i’m so grateful for all of my teammates for giving me an escape on the water. Started to accept I was non-binary.

April:

A month full of good vibes i really needed. Got my drivers license on 4/20. I hiked my grades up with the help of extra credit, held a “wedding” in a Dillard’s try-on section, and spent a few days of spring break at the beach with two friends. I finally cut my hair off!! That feeling was literally incredible and i try to get a haircut every other month to actually keep up with it now. Saw endgame, died inside, and competed in an art show! I was doing really well, so I went off my meds again (don’t do that without a doctors permission like me).

May:

BAdddd time to be off meds, anxiety and depression were dropping my health and IB finals kicked my ass and the class i had been most excited about taking had become my worst at this point, but I got through the exams without missing any. Went to Jr. Prom though! We actually used going to Jr. Prom as a coverup to throw a surprise birthday party for my best friend. I still have no idea how she didn’t figure it out. I also started talking to one of my internet buds, Rosie. She’s helped me through so much she doesn’t even know about, and it such a beaut inside and out <3

June:

MADE IT TO PRIDE MONTH!! I finished my actual finals with minimal panic attacks, and join a Parkner discord! That was short lived, but from it was born… The What the Actual Fuck Fam, whom i love dearly. You guys still crack me up, and i know i’ll always have people to fall back on ( or help me commit murder.) Turned 17 and watched Monty Python (again.) Was forced into not one, but tWo bible camps, but also went to my first pride in my city! I have never felt so loved by so many people i don’t know :)

July:

Depression hit me HarD. I was constantly in a bad mood and taking it out on other people and myself, and I was losing even more sleep. Went back on meds for a bit. I got to see Far From Home, but pretty much isolated myself from anyone in my real life. July is always hard for me to get though for some reason. On a happier note, I started talking to @winterrs-child , who I now love dearly and @exbrodokills , which started out by exchanging memes but i think we can now call a friendship :D

August:

More depression, yayyyy, but Rosie and my irl friends helped me through it so much, even if they didn’t know it was happening. I finally came out to my parents and grandma as pan. They honestly took it pretty well, even if my grandma thinks it’s a ‘phase’. Also came out to C, B, and T as non-binary. Ya’ll were the first people I told after a YEAR omg <3 developed a huge celebrity crush on a cosplayer i won’t name even though they’ll never see this :’) Also fell back into the kiribaku pit after finally stabilizing my Parkner obsession. Also, joined a sapphic server which is basically a big gay support group :) (thanks to Rosie)

September:

Started my senior year of high school. So far, it’s pretty much been one big panic attack but i’m managing. I’m a mentor on the crew team this year and have adopted pretty much every underclassmen on the team. I love them all equally (except for my favorites) Cut my hair even shorter! I love it! Got back into writing poetry and short stories after an intense writer’s and reader’s block that lasted for almost a year. Went off my meds again (I should stop doing that, ik) Went to a Harry Potter fest, which was great, but started building up major anxiety for planning the rest of my life.

October:

SPOOP MONTH. October is my favorite month, so I was determined to make it good. Went on a couple more college tours, but also celebrated fall and halloween with my favorite people. Came reallllly close to stabbing my IB Bio teacher, but he’s survived, so far. Cosplayer mentioned earlier followed me on insta, cue gay panic. i also accidentally created a huge cuddle pile of 30 girls on my team in the captain’s backyard. It was as amazing as it sounds :0 Applied for 6 colleges

November:

CAVETOWN omg. I was also murdered with a bent hammer (don’t ask) and my mental health was pretty stable. I joined yet another server created by the cosplayer, and have made so many friends through it, plus gained a new dad figure :). Contemplated buying a binder on black friday, didn’t and deeply regret it (planing on getting one with the christmas money i get from my homophobic grandfather we pretend doesn’t exist) Discovered the goodness of Baby Yoda. Did pretty much no spanish homework. Solid 7/10

December:

Honestly, school wise december has been the most stressful month of this year so far, and the 2nd worst depressive episode. I’ve written 6 essays and done 5 projects this month and that was not a good time for the already low seratonin levels. i got waitlisted for the school i mentioned earlier, but was accepted into the other 5 :) I got to see an Of Monsters and Men concert, and I’m trying to push thorough til break, but my grandma has been getting sick more and more frequently over this year and now she’s been in a lot of pain for over two weeks and in and out of emergency care 6 times. Just hoping to make it to 2020 with everyone in tact and healthy :) I’m doing a secret santa with my friends im looking forward to. My friends have been amazing support through all of this mess, even if ii didn’t tell you about it, and i love you all!!

special mentions:

@donnaschaunamanon

@dawdlzdoodles

@harleykeenerprotectionsquad

@bumbblebeeeeee

@lykkesw

@chai-studying

@hey-im-pan

@pumpkinparkner

@everyone’s users i don’t know/remember

Get to know the blogger:

1. FIRST NAME: I guess I’ve not really kept this very secret, so might as well put it out there officially again. Jade.

2. STRANGE FACT ABOUT YOURSELF: What isn’t strange about me, honestly? If I had to pick, I get occasional taste, smell, and auditory hallucinations. The first two especially tend to be pretty pleasant, often things like cookies or other sweets.

3. TOP THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU FIND ATTRACTIVE ON A PERSON: Honestly I think the only people that I really register as being attractive are those I’m romantically interested in already? If I had to list some things, I think for women I’d say medium-sized breasts, red/brown/unusual hair colors, and… I’m not sure about a third thing, other than “not things I find unattractive”. As for men, mostly it’s non-physical things afaict, though height/strength may play into it some? Being princess carried is 10/10 super hot.

4. A FOOD YOU COULD EAT FOREVER AND NOT GET BORED OF: I tend not to get bored of the things I eat, I don’t think? I have a pretty limited rotation of foods that I step through and it doesn’t bother me much. Orange chicken is nice.

5. A FOOD YOU HATE: I don’t typically think of myself as hating foods or being a picky eater but in retrospect I don’t like: hot/spicy things (red pepper on pizza is about my limit, though I do often put it on mine), anything even remotely bitter, or things with a texture like raw seafood. That crab stuff in sushi seems to be fine but sashimi is super uncomfortable and I don’t like any non-fish seafood that I can think of.

6. GUILTY PLEASURE: It’s hard to remember the last time I really felt guilty about much of anything; mostly I don’t do things that make me feel bad. I like chocolate with caramel, I guess? Don’t feel guilty about it though.

7. WHAT DO YOU SLEEP IN: Lately it’s been sweatpants. Used to sleep naked and might go back sometime.

8. SERIOUS RELATIONSHIPS OR FLINGS: Serious relationships are great. I’ve had pretty limited experience with them and seem to struggle to do romantic love in general but would very much like to have a loyal (if perhaps polyamorous; that doesn’t seem to bother me so much) partner that I love dearly. I might not mind having more than one partner myself but I’m not really gonna worry about #2 until I find #1 at this point.

9. IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN THE PAST AND CHANGE ONE THING ABOUT YOUR LIFE, WOULD YOU AND WHAT WOULD IT BE: Changing the past is spooky and dangerous. Do Not Want.

10. ARE YOU AN AFFECTIONATE PERSON: I don’t think so. I can be affectionate towards certain friends, and would very much like to have a better chance to be more affectionate, but overall I tend to be fairly detached from others.

11. A MOVIE YOU COULD WATCH OVER AND OVER AGAIN: Rewatching/re-consuming things is painful and uninteresting for the most part. I used to reread books and stuff when I had limited access to things but nowadays I don’t see why I’d do it and hate watching movies I’ve seen before.

12. FAVORITE BOOK: I don’t really have the attention span to read books anymore unfortunately. Probably either a textbook of some kind or some TTRPG book. Or the thing I’m writing, if that can really be called a book. Which it probably can, actually?

13. YOU HAVE THE OPPORTUNITY TO KEEP ANY ANIMAL AS A PET, WHAT DO YOU CHOOSE: Fantasy animals included? That’s hard and would need some aggressive research to find which creature is best suited to transform me into a monstergirl. IRL animals only? Fox, cat, or snake probably. Am not really well-suited to caring for a pet now, so it’ll have to happen later in my life. But I’m in no rush anyway.

14. TOP FIVE FICTIONAL SHIPS [IF YOU ARE AN RP BLOG, YOU CAN USE YOUR OWN SHIPS AS WELL]: This one’s hard. I am not very interested in or focused on romance in general. I daydream about my own OCs a lot, but don’t really do shipping so much.

15. PIE OR CAKE: I love me some French silk pie.

16. FAVORITE SCENT: Wish I could smell well enough to have an answer for this one.

17. CELEBRITY CRUSH: I don’t care about or even know any celebrities to crush on, nor do I do crushes or romance in general afaict. So, none.

18. IF YOU COULD TRAVEL ANYWHERE, WHERE WOULD YOU GO: I’d have to visit my friends, I think. If I weren’t confined to earth or this reality my options would increase a lot; I’d love to visit any of my settings or the Moon or something if I were properly equipped to survive in them.

19. INTROVERT OR EXTROVERT: Wildly introverted. Spent most of the last summer talking to zero people face-to-face and was pretty much fine with that. It’s not uncommon for me to go whole days without face-to-face socializing and be unbothered by it. With my online friends, while I do interact more often I often need to pull away a little to recharge and can’t do constant contact with people. It’s also hard for me to initiate contact with anyone.

 20. DO YOU SCARE EASILY: I don’t think so.

21. IPHONE OR ANDROID: Android.

22. DO YOU PLAY ANY VIDEO GAMES: Yep. Not super often nowadays, and it’s taken me like 2 months to get most of the way through Code Vein, but I do enjoy them. I play a bit of Star Wars Battlefront 2, Classic (2005) as well, and am actually a moderator for a Discord server for that game. It’s a good time.

23. DREAM JOB: Well, some kind of engineer, I’d hope. Seeing as that’s what I’m getting my PhD in. If I were restricted to things practical in this world I’d probably pick what I’m going to end up doing, which is working with semiconductors and the like. Or an astronaut. If we open this up to sci-fi or fantasy, there’s too many things I’d love to list.

24. WHAT WOULD YOU DO WITH A MILLION DOLLARS: Save it, mostly? Pay off student loans and make sure my friends are set for a good long time and save/invest the rest. I’d make sure to spend a little bit upgrading my computer and visiting my friends, as well.

25. FICTIONAL CHARACTER YOU HATE: I sincerely can’t think of anyone or anything I hate, let alone a fictional character. Shinji Matou is an asshole I guess?

26. FANDOM THAT YOU WERE ONCE A PART OF BUT AREN’T ANY LONGER: It’s kinda depressing how many things I loved until I got distracted and forgot all about them, but I often enjoy rediscovering and coming back to them. Homestuck would be the best example of one I used to really love and genuinely can’t get into nowadays though. I liked it, but I think the magic is largely gone for me. Moment’s passed and all.

It appears that the crime alleged against the poor victim was that of getting drunk and trading with these two very men

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This one's a bit weird, but what about these kid/trollswaps: Rose Pyrope, Jade Peixes, John Zahhak, and Dave Vantas

Ooo, swapped by Class :D

Rose Pyrope, raised in relative solitude, not meeting Dragonmom until she’s 10ish years old (about 5 sweeps I’d say), with solidly middle class income. She writes. ALL of the fanfiction. She’s got access to resources, even though everything has to be shipped out to her, so she probably frequents whatever the troll equivalent of Wish and Amazon are a LOT, probably has a bunch of dumb wizard flarping gear that she really likes, as well as “edgy” and “sinister” flarping gear that really just makes it look like she shops at Troll Hot Topic. She lives in a tree, so she probably waxes poetic about the sound of wind rushing through the branches much like she had that lil tangent about the sound of rushing water underneath her canon home. Meeting her lusus in her dreams and learning how to “see” with her nose would probably just make her even more inquisitive about the world around her, another method by which she can take in information, though Dave probably makes a lot of jokes about how “nosy” she is B) Rose has a Scalesona and she and Jade roleplay together ALL THE TIME. Rose being the Seer of Mind would probably result in her role being someone who sees into the minds of others and can understand their psyche. A blinded Seer (not physically blind, but like, magically blind) would have issues seeing the good or ill intents of those around them, and probably just blindly hope that things will work out for the best without critically thinking about a person’s actions and motivations, while a Seer that came into her godhood would be, well, something like a therapist, something like a psychologist, something like- Rose. What I’m saying is Rose’s interests absolutely line up with being a Seer of Mind very fucking closely. She’d love that role give it to her please.

Jade Peixes would be quite similar to Feferi, I think. Being a child, and a very monetarily privileged child, she’d likely have a skewed perception of the world and very lofty, well-intentioned, but ultimately juvenile plans. “Kill the Condesce, rule Alternia, make everybody be nice to each other” would sum it up pretty nicely, and I could picture her being a little condescending herself. Probably still bottles her own emotions and cares too much about what other people are feeling and if she can help them out at all, and idk if Eridan is still around in this AU but if not it’d be fine because Jade, like Feferi, is a fucking kickass STRONG girl (or, gill, as it might be ;3) who can haul whales on her own. Probably has a bunch of fancy ion rifles and whatnot and only uses her trident for ceremonial stuff. Wouldn’t enjoy killing animals because she likes those a lot and is enamored with how cool animals are, but a duty is a duty and unless she has a friend or datemate to help her out then she’s the one who’s gotta do it. Probably thinks her mom is really badass, even though she’s pretty strenuous a lot of the time. Rose is very likely the only person who can get her to open up about how sucky having to take care of her is, bc, again, Jade does not like to talk about her feelings, but Rose is as nosy as she is loving so hey it works out. As Witch of Life, Jade is probably filled with enthusiasm at the fact that she can bring about LIFE. She doesn’t have to kill anything she doesn’t want to anymore, just some battle imps and those are just Game constructs anyway, she’s a HEALER, someone who can impart life into others! Gone are the nights of having to kill things just so she could avoid killing other things, her focus can move away from death, and focus instead on growth, on life, on Life, and that’s so wonderful! She’s so, so HAPPY with her role, she is all but too glad to move mindsets from focusing on death to instead flourishing with life. Probably gets along with the horrorterrors of the furthest ring really well and says hi to them whenever she’s on Derse. They’re like, her weird great-aunts and uncles, sort of, her mom was their emissary so she’s sorta like, every horrorterror’s baby sister/niece. 

John Zahhak! Strong boy against. It is a role meant to help him grow not by challenging him in ways that help him into his role, which allows him to flourish, but challenges him by forcing him to go against his natural inclination, against what he’s used to, against what he was raised with, against his own expectations. He has to fight against staying quiet on the sidelines always watching, never engaging, so that he can become involved with his friends and engage in healthy emotional interactions. He has to fight against his own upbringing, that told him that he was important and others weren’t. Has to fight against the idea that has been pounded into his head over and over and over again that the world is cold and harsh and uncaring and he has to realize that life is as kind as we make it, and there is kindness in him, there is goodness in him, and he has to step out of the shadows and DO something with that.

Dave Vantas. Hoooooo. Paranoid boy. Very paranoid boy. Thinks the WORLD of his crabby dad. Very very twitchy. I can’t really see Dave getting particularly angry or short fused, but I CAN see him being deeply insecure which leads to him saying things he doesn’t necessarily mean in order to make himself feel/seem better, which inadvertently hurts others. Rose is a MENACE in his life because she’s very snoopy and he is secretive for a REASON Rose! He loves her dearly tho. Probably thinks that John is “cool” and “aloof” and “mysterious” when really John just doesn’t know how to engage. Very likely still makes shitty comics and they more than likely satirize the caste system, also the rigidity of quadrants. So like, it SEEMS like he’s making general run of the mill schlup to any algorithms looking for civil dissent, but people who pay attention can tell that Dave is actually doing some pretty quality satire for a tiny child and it’s some quality stuff, by which I mean the quality is terrible as Andrew Hussie is evil. Knight of Blood means he’s fiercely protective of his friends, and with Crabdad’s upbringing, he’s a right menace to anything he considers a threat. Is the mom friend of the group. “Have you eaten today?” “You need to eat” “So help me god I will go to your planet and feed you myself if you do not put some food in your body” “No popcorn is not a meal eat actual FOOD.” Being protective of his bonds likely means he still has some pretty fierce abandonment issues tho, and likely is still just as much of an attention whore as he is in canon because he needs to know that his friends still love him and want him around and care about him. It’s very important to him, but he winds up coming off as clingy which he HATES because he can feel himself doing it but at the same time he really really really could use the reassurance that he’s not being annoying but he feels like if he asks to much that MAKES him annoying and who does he even think he is, anyway. His blood color is a source of p big anxiety for him and he’s likely internalized a lot of the “if you’re hot blooded youre not important” rhetoric of Alternia. Fortunately, it is his bonds with his friends that then turn around and keep him safe from himself, because all his friends love him and absolutely do NOT value him any less just because he’s hot and off-spectrum, and yeah okay he can get a little annoying but they don’t think he’s annoying as a person! Just every now and then. They probably all do some stupid friendship gesture like in Yugioh or smth so Dave can always know that his friends love him and it’s cheesy and ridiculous and they all love it. 

Neat swaps! People of the same Classes are quite similar, looks like :O!

Super Sonic Storytelling Special: Act 1

To say it's been a while would definitely be an understatement. Nearly 3 years in fact since I last updated a particularly long fanfiction, and just about 2 years since I wrote (or co-wrote) anything remotely related to this franchise.

The delay was never intended to be this bad. A number of factors got in the way; poor health, change of jobs, trips to BotCon and back, the reboot (and subsequent cancellation) of the material, and some pretty disparaging comments from a certain source I don't feel comfortable talking about these days. It siphoned away any interest remaining, resulting in this hiatus and personal pondering whether I had potential to produce something, anything, of value.

From a creative standpoint, I was dead inside. That changed about 2 months ago when I stumbled across a server dedicated to, of all things, DC's Teen Titans franchise. They had a roleplay channel looking for people, so with a metaphorical crack of the fingers, I wrote a short character piece about a member of the team. People actually liked it (somehow) and were interested in seeing more. So they got more. And more.

This helped reinvigorate my passion for writing, and thus I assisted them with advice and words of encouragement for their stories. It was rewarding in a way, seeing them grow and develop their own skills. During this period, I recalled the older stories I wrote (and left hanging), wondering if perhaps revisiting them was a good idea.

Which brings us to here and now. The beginning of a new story featuring the adventures of that bloody blue Hedgehog. To be more accurate, it doesn't revolve around him exactly, but he is a key player later on. It's also worth mentioning the story does take place around and during events from the dearly departed Archie comics. Expect a few callbacks along the way.

The prologue is available below, while subsequent chapters will be posted on a certain Sonic forum many of you know. They'll also be uploaded to my website at a later date. Or, if there is anyone truly interested, I may even post them here. Maybe.

Have a read-through if you want, and let me know how it went. And especially whether and of you Archie aficionados saw THAT coming at the end. No peeking. :P

Oh! And one more thing. Providing I'm not busy or don't keel over soon, there will be updates EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. That's right, as a certified glutton for punishment, Hedgehog action will happen throughout the entirety of December. Yay?

==Ancient Awakening==

We are everything, yet nothing. Everywhere, yet nowhere. Everyone, yet without an identity.

For as long as Mobius has been, we have. Spanning from the early days of the forgotten wars, we observed life come and go. A world in constant change, yet each lifeform retained the same desire to subvert the other. We considered and reconsidered whether revealing our presence to these barbarians would prove beneficial. Our power was beyond their feeble comprehension. Should we be utilised as a force of order and law?

Or a force of chaos?

Ultimately we decided that neither option proved of value. They were not ready for us. Only when a truly unique individual crossed our path would we reveal our presence. It would be a lengthy wait, but to us, time is irrelevant.

As we had foreseen, that individual eventually arrived. A tall, revered Mobian male of mammal origins. As a father of two, he had witnessed both great tragedy and great happiness in his life. A perfect balance. We were… intrigued. We had furthermore expected him to be apprehensive upon our meeting, but he gradually warmed to this crossing of paths. He shared much of contemporary Mobius with us, and we in return offered glimpses of what could (or would not) be.

With all things, he too succumbed to the natural forces of life. Yet before his death, he shared our existence to his offspring. We saw potential in one-another, and it wasn’t long before a sacred union between us was forged. This proved the beginning of a bond that has endured for centuries, as we devoted our existence solely to this proud line of male guardians.

All that changed with the current generation, as their family welcomed its latest heir- a daughter. Her being was unexpected. We had not foreseen this, a rogue element somehow overlooked despite our omnipotence. We accepted her nonetheless, and watched the young Mobian mature during great times of hardship. She was growing fast. Perhaps too fast for our liking. Not that she had a choice though; when the planet was in the metallic mandible of a madman, maturity was paramount. She fought tooth and claw to survive, and at the cusp of her fifteenth year on this world, earned her victory.

Life gradually eased. Her previously-corrupted father was restored to his former self, bringing with it the next step of our most sacred of traditions. In order to complete her rite of passage, the teenager was ordered to become one with us. Once more the freedom of choice was out of her paws. She had to, no, would fulfil her destiny…

…But she rejected us. A youth spent in hardship not only made her strong, but furthermore stubborn. She declared us not part of her life, refusing to accept everything we had offered. Her fate was her own, and saw no desire to witness the future we presented. Once more we had been blindsided.

How could this possibly be? Why did we not see this coming? We serve only to guide the bloodline, working as one to create the optimum outcome. Some would call it symbiotic at best, or even possessive at worst. Good? Evil? They are but foreign concepts. Means to an entitled end. Nothing more.

And yet… we pause to wonder.

She had forsaken us. The first in her family to outright refuse completion of the metamorphosis. She had… no right to abandon her duty. If only she had accepted the inevitable, today would be different. We would not be here, hidden deep within the farthest depths of Mobius, our connection to the outside world all but lost. Her home would still stand. Her family would be alive and well. Her love would be… someone else. Someone far, far greater and unequivocally worthy of her body and mind.

If she has no further use for us, what purpose do we serve? We.. wait, is this…feelings? Yes, despite her refusal to amalgamate with us, we retained a subconscious bond. We studied her emotions first-hand. Fear and Courage. Love and Hate. We must know more. Not since her ancestor had a member of this bloodline intrigued us. She was truly special, and we had to have h… feelings again… a maelstrom of them. Friendship. Affection. Lust. Obsession.   Love. Power. Control…

…Domination.

If she would not accept us by choice, then she will by force. Her will can be crushed. Her ideal future erased, replaced by one better suited. One forged by us. If… no, she will definitely refuse. No matter. It will make things… fun…

We have reached a decision.

The future we have designated will come to pass.

Sally Acorn will be ours…