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#its the adderall
jello-fello · 2 years
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i so desperately miss being REALLY into making fan content for stuff. like i miss the days where i was uploading fics rapid fire because i kept getting ideas but at the same time i'm like. really relieved about not doing it anymore? I rarely even open ao3 anymore and idek how i feel about it.
i think i miss the fun of it, but all the relief in stopping comes from no longer having to deal with other people that i'd be catering to and trying to please everyone. the moment i realized writing fics wasn't actually like. my job. i think i stopped feeling so burdened and just kind of ended up moving on altogether
and as much as i really really love focusing on original things now, there's definitely a kind of void i feel knowing the audience i did and still have and that the vast majority isnt interested in me as a creator once i'm no longer in a specific fandom yknow? like "wow over half a million have read this one fanfic but only the smallest fraction of that have read my comic"
that being said the biggest thing i've been learning over the last year is to just make content for myself and to try not to worry about Numbers
#i do adore everyone who reads my comic though <3#and i'll forever be grateful for the bnha fandom especially for the following i have#now that its also really helped me get somewhere ALMOST tangible as an artist#i sincerely think if i never wrote fanfics i wouldnt be doing comic cons or having an etsy or ANY of this stuff im doing#but i dont want to keep making fan content just because i think it'd help me careerwise because that just doesnt feel genuine to me#i like to think id still be into making fics esp for bnha if it werent for what happened with my fic server#the way some people spoke to me towards the end of it really made me step back like 'wow these are the people i write for?'#it was only the smallest handful of people but yknow people focus on negatives more than positives#and after that i just. lost motivation#i finished regen honestly kind of just wanting it to be over instead of looking foward to what came next#thought back to conversations with that one handful of people literally crying almost nightly for Months#and was kinda like 'is this what its like to actually be a creator because i dont want this feeling'#BUT NOW I HAVE A GREAT SERVER AND I LOVE ALL OF THEM DEARLY <3#my comic readers are all absolute sweethearts and i'd die for all of em#100% taught me the thing about small close communities always being better than big ones#thats why i'm so okay with the stats of my comic now compared to my fics#im happy with the numbers now#my brain is very full tonight yall can tell#its the adderall#todo kipp toe flam quicksilvers and everyone else in the server iluuuuu
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nearlynoon · 9 months
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This one was a high school AU? I honestly just think the gems' sort of 'immortal baby' personalities translate to high schoolers really well
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exitwound · 1 year
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Accidentally steeped my earl grey for 10 minutes now why am I seeing the hat man
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tangledinink · 8 months
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me and my friends were discussing a dumb personality quiz thing which led to me being told that i'm "the least anxious out of all of us" and "generally very down to earth and relaxed" and that "my version of dangerous thoughts on a bender is just to make TMNT fanart" and im sitting here like
... me?
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charlottan · 3 months
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looking at your posts i feel like you are a hand crank powered ai (actual ai not the techbro shit) that generates tumblr posts
pretty much. excep im also capable of love^-^
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puppyeared · 5 months
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Jitterbug
#whenever my meds kick in it feels like im gonna piss myself. not literally but its really really feels like it#and now whenever that happens my mind goes back to pancho (grandmas dog) at a xmas party years ago#bc he peed when we arrived bc he was so excited to see ppl and my cousin had to clean it up :o)#well for better or for worse i know that feeling now when im pumped on 20mg of adderall#im still getting used to this whole diagnosis thing cause ive gone untreated and undiagnosed for the longest time. so theres probably a lot#i still dont know and have to learn to get myself to be.. functional on my own? self managing????#i even set up reminders on my phone for work periods meals and stuff. but the problem is actually getting myself to stick to that to a T#because the minute i slack off or something gets in the way it throws it all off until i can be bothered to get back on track. it sucks#at least ive built up other habits like writing notes and setting alarms ahead of time.. but i feel like i could do better#its always hard to change something if youve been doing it wrong for the longest time. especially behaviour and thinking patterns. sigh#in other news my glasses bailed on me so i have to get a new pair sometime. i just realized i never draw my sona with glasses but thats#mostly bc i forget. id love to get some browline glasses like my old pair but im picky and its hard to find one id like for the next 5 year#i also finally managed to collect all the fish in my animal crossing file!!! pulled out a char last week and boom now i have a poster :o)#THAT was a moment where i almost peed myself for real. id love to get all the bugs but i cant stay up late on the switch :o(#yapping#my art#myart#doodles#personal#diary
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ghostbrawl · 6 months
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college student LOVE substance feed him so many substances
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vodid · 8 months
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dearly missing adderall and its ability to make me sit down in mornings
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fbfh · 1 year
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light up the dark [XV] - Leo Valdez x reader
wc: 2.2k
genre: tooth rotting fluff, making out, almost smut but not (making out shirtless on a bed for like 5 seconds), questionable plot devices and resolutions
warnings: emotional confessions, hurt/comfort (mostly comfort), Leo being the best person on the earth
summary: after the battle, worrying about Leo was too much, and you find yourself finally spilling your guts
song recs: all I ask - adele, you matter to me - waitress obc
a/n: I think I'm a little sick which is incredibly inconvenient bc I need to get ready for nano and write more fics and I also have a psychiatrist appointment coming up in like two days or something????? forcing myself to sleep when I get home from work lol
@yesv01 @magcon7280 @avashaye @perseajohnson @afidiofobia @thatmultifandomloser @yelenabel0vaswife @almostjollypizza @fictionalcomforts  @lizziebitch33  @jacksondeeznuts @girlfriendwhoseawitch @urmum-xoxo @Asunnyhunny @dustyinkpages @cowboylikekelsey @legramilis @youkissedareaderinthedark @mrscarolscaramoucheplease @cosmiq-cloud @anything-forourmoony  @i-dont-remember-a-lot  @chasingpj @1dpjohoohp @mystic-writings   @babiesimagines @dreamerball @demirunner @if-only-i-was-fictional @inthehoneymoonwithconnorrk800 @kiara7777
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“Are you okay?” 
Now that you’re finally upstairs, finally alone for a moment to clean yourselves up and get dried off, Leo tries to check on you. You’re barely down the hall when he asks. You’ve only been around one fight before this, and the last thing he wants is for you to be anymore traumatized than necessary. He wants to at least get you to camp first. His voice is so reassuring, it sends overwhelming emotions crashing through you. He opens his mouth to follow up, to really see if you’re okay, but before he can the air is knocked out of his lungs as you throw yourself against his chest and pull him into the tightest hug he’s ever experienced. 
You grip his shirt with shaking fists, and bury your face into his neck, not seeing the shocked expression on his face. He can feel your rapid breathing, your chest pressing into his as you cling to him like a terrified cat. You’re shaking, but he knows it’s not from the cold. He wraps his arms around you gently, one holding you close across your back, the other cradling you on the back of your neck. You continue breathing fast and shaking until you begin to speak, muffled into his chest. 
“...I thought something bad was going to happen to you,” you start, eyes welling up at the thought, “I thought you were going to get hurt, or- or… I don’t know what, I-” 
It all tumbles out of you in a rush, and you find yourself speaking more freely than you can ever remember. You ramble until your throat tightens up, and you can’t speak anymore. You squeeze your eyes shut,shaking in his arms. He feels a damp spot on his shirt, growing with every jagged breath you manage to get out. You’re crying. You’re crying… because you were worried about him. You’ve been terrified that something was going to happen to him. He looks up to the ceiling in relief, and rubs your back gently. 
He was right. His gut instincts were all right about you, that the aloof thing was an act because you were afraid. Acting like you didn’t care was the only real defense you had against the world. You were never just yanking his chain last night when you said you want him. You haven’t been yanking his chain at all, and he’s never felt more validated in his judgment of character or his dogmatic belief that there’s more to you. He was right this whole time; you’ve always had a beautiful heart of gold just below the surface, you’ve just been too afraid to show it. He lets out a breath. He doesn’t want you to be afraid anymore. 
“Hey,” he says gently. He pulls away enough to place his warm hands on your cheeks, still stinging from the cold. He brushes his thumbs across your soft skin, wiping away your tears, and brings his face so close to yours. 
"I'm okay." He reassures, "I'm okay, you're okay - you are okay, right?"
Through your misery and sobs, a weepy laugh escapes. That's just the effect Leo has on people. He's pure warmth, pure sunshine. He smiles, still caressing your cheek. The sound of your laughter, however sad it may be in this moment, fills him with relief. 
"See? We're okay. It's… it's all gonna be fine."
With those few words, he fills you with more reassurance and comfort than you can ever remember getting from someone. You can feel your breathing begin to slow in his embrace. As suddenly as your sorrow goes, a fresh new wave of it overcomes you. This time, it's not from the fear of losing him - literally or figuratively - it’s the strange sense of comfort and warmth that you always get when you’re around him. The peace and happiness he radiates just by existing, the kind that heats you through to your core like a sun lamp. It’s overwhelming, and the harder you cry over how comforting you are, the more he comforts you. He holds you like that, you’re not sure for how long and you don’t care. You could spend forever wrapped in his arms, finally safe in his warm embrace. You stay there, with him rocking you soothingly, cooing comfortingly in your ear and pressing kisses to your hairline. 
Your defenses are down, and everything hits you much harder than you suspect it normally would. You’re both exhausted, and still coming back down to a normal temperature. That fight was the first life or death experience you’ve really had - or can remember having, at least. Leo remembers how scary that is, how viscerally ground shaking and terrifying that is to experience. So he holds you tight, rubbing soothing shapes into your back, letting you know it’s okay. He comforts you the way he wishes someone had comforted him. He holds you, safe and warm. He makes comforting shushing noises with one hand still on your cheek. The other rests on your back, warm against the spot where you had tucked your wings in a little while ago. He presses soft kisses against your forehead, along your hairline. For the first time in a really long time, you feel like things are going to be okay. 
“I think I’m in love with you.” 
The words are out before you can stop them, so soft and muffled against his chest. You continue, your voice soggy and tight with emotion, and you can feel yourself finally spilling your guts, unable to stop or slow down or censor your thoughts. 
“I don’t think I really know what that means, I don’t even think there’s someone that’s liked me for more than just sex before, which - god, does that sound pathetic - but, I just- I…I like how I feel around you, I like that you actually want to be around me, and I don’t know if that’s love, but…” You trail off, and he lets out a disbelieving laugh, that blinding, brilliant light shining from his smile and up through his eyes. He shakes his head a little, and you look at him confused. You don’t know what you expected, but it’s certainly not this. Before you can even open your mouth to speak, he catches your lips in the warmest, happiest, most loving kiss you’ve ever experienced. Maybe ever. You kiss him back enthusiastically, melting into his warm touch, and hold each other tight. You grab each other, needing to be even closer than you are. You grab the back of his shirt, needing him more viscerally than you’ve needed anything, more than you need air, or Pierce the Veil’s entire discography. You need him. You kiss him and kiss him, growing giggly and breathless at your newfound realization. You love him. You love him so, so much. The way he kisses you leaves little doubt of him returning your feelings. You have to try so hard not to giggle, and it proves more difficult than you would have expected. 
After a few more moments of his soft lips on yours, telling you with every breath that he loves you too, he loves you so much, his hands move down your spine, ghosting over the curve of your hips, snaking around to the back of your thighs. He picks you up, and you can’t hold back anymore. You giggle sweetly against his mouth, and he thinks it’s the loveliest sound he’s ever heard. You wrap your legs around his waist, needing to be close to him, and he carries you through the threshold of your room. He kicks the door closed, and tosses you on your bed. Now both of you are giggling as he climbs on top of you and kisses your neck. He pulls off your jacket and bra to toss them away. As your bare back hits the sheets and you slide your hands under Leo’s shirt, you’re not met with the usual icy chill that greets you here. For the first time, your bed is warm. Your sheets are lived in. 
He throws your jacket towards the foot of the bed, and you see something poking out of the pocket. It catches Leo’s attention, too. You reach forward, and pull out the container of sundrop tracking slime that doesn’t work. You set it on your night table next to Eldritch Deity furby, and to your surprise, it starts glowing. You both laugh at the way it repeatedly lead you in randomly incorrect directions. Even now, it’s saying you’re close to the sundial. You run your hand through his soft hair, mostly dry and significantly fluffier than it had been outside. Everything feels better now that you’ve said. Now that you’ve said that you love him. You tug off his shirt the rest of the way, more desperate to be close to him than ever. Something itches at the corner of your mind, but the feeling of his bare chest against yours is too good to pay it any mind. You reach over to your nightstand to fumbling around for a condom. You fumble a little too hard, and something falls off the wooden surface, landing on the floor with a splintering crack. You both pause, looking over to see what fell. When your eyes land on it, your heart sinks. 
“Eldritch Deity furby…” you gasp softly, picking him up. You turn him around, inspecting the broken pink plastic from the battery case that sits splintered in your hand and scattered across the hardwood floor. 
“Oh,” Leo breathes, taking him gently from your hands to look at the damage. There are no batteries in him, so he has a clear view of the broken part. He sits back to examine him, straddling your lap as he does. The screws are stripped, for one thing, and obviously the battery case is shot. As long as none of the guts were knocked loose, he should be able to replace this pretty easily. He should check on the hardware inside while he’s in here, just to make sure nothing else needs to be replaced or tuned up. 
“I can get this fixed up in… hold on…” His brow furrows as he opens up more of the cracked plastic. Stuffing starts to poke through, along with something else. The expression on his face is unreadable, and you’re worried about what he found in there.You can’t remember putting anything in there, so your curiosity is piqued. 
“Holy fucking shit…” he says, pulling something out of the stuffing. The rest of the battery case falls apart, and a seam pops as he tries to wiggle it out. He’s able to, removing it carefully, and you see part of a familiar crystal you’ve seen in your dreams now resting between his fingers. He removes the rest of the sunstone - about the size of his hand - out from the fluff. 
“No,” you gasp softly, hands coming up to his face. He removes it all the way, and sitting between you in the palm of Leo’s hand, is the sundial. You swear to whatever gods are apparently up there, if this thing has been under your noses the whole time… You look back over to the tracking slime, now at a dulled glow on your night table. You pick it up, moving it closer to the sundial. It glows as bright as it had been a few moments ago. You take in a collective deep breath. You’ve been running yourselves ragged, chasing wild geese for an artifact that’s been in your bedroom this whole time. In spite of your frustration, you can’t help but feel warm with Leo this close to you. Maybe everything you’ve been looking for has been closer than you thought it would be. Maybe it’s been right there the whole time. Leo laughs in disbelief. He climbs off you to go show the others, and you follow him. Leo does a double take at you, and tosses you a shirt before walking over to the door. You chuckle and pull it on, following him downstairs. 
“Guys!” He calls to his friends, still scrambling for a strategy in the living room. They look up at him, and he holds up the sundial. Shock is evident on everyone’s face, and the room once again erupts into chaos. 
“You’re never gonna guess where we found it.” 
That alone means the answer was right in front of them, and they groan in frustration. Frank gets up to grab drinks for everyone, while you and Leo descend the rest of the stairs, ready to tell them about the worst hiding place in history. On your way down, Leo looks over at you and laughs apologetically. 
“I promise most quests aren’t this anticlimactic.” 
He’s sure you must feel disappointed, like you’ve been cheated out of a real adventure. Maybe frustrated at having to go on such a wild goose chase in the first place. But as you enter the living room with his free hand intertwining with yours, you don’t feel like you have much to complain about.  
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flamboyant-king · 7 months
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I had an Isaac run where it was so stressful my heartrate was at a 145bpm and it persisted for 6 hours. After that, like every day that followed, my heart would just suddenly shoot up to 120-140bpm for an hour if I so much as thought about something I've been stressing over recently. Everybody encouraging me to go to the ER. And I'm just like "Oh please I've actually always been like this, I'm fine." Had to chop down my Adderall dosage. But I swear I've felt like this since high school, but I guess the medicine enhances the feeling and that feeling was ANXIETY.
So, suffice to say, playing The Binding of Isaac™️ almost gave me a heart attack.
#and its not the adderall thats just inducing the heartrate#cause i only got prescribed adderall this year#dad got diagnosed with afib when i was still in school. he rushed himself to the hospital with mom while i was taking a test#i was like what the heck where did you guys go and mom said oh dad was having a heart attack or something and we didnt want to bother you#like WOULDNT YOU TELL YOUR CHILD OH MAYBE YOU WONT SEE YOUR FATHER AFTER WE GO TO THE HOSPITAL BUT FINISH YOUR EXAM BABY#that was like 2020 and we have a couple of those oxygen readers for your fingers and it measures your heartbeat#i out one on for fun im just sitting there at the dinner table and my heartrate was at 120#like i didnt do anything we been stuck at home because pandemic and we just having a nice dinner#and my heartbeat was just thats my resting heartrate. they told me to try the blood pressure thing#average blood pressure but truly my heartbeat was just vibing at 120. mis padres were like oh no maybe you have afib too#babes youre too young to have that. and i jsut said oh is that what it means when im nauseous and have to lie down#i havent been diagnosed with anything. i suspect is tachycardia but no official thing#although i havent seen a cardiologist. what if we pay to get a screening and its nothing#i dont want to go thru all that and let it be nothing. lets wait until its a real problem#when my brother and his family visited just like what two weeks ago he was like#he was sitting on moms exercise bike and said it reads your heartrate#and it did you put your hands on the handle and it reads yer pulse#i told him like oooh let me try. hey brother my resting heartrate is 120 a lot. and hes like. what. get on this thing#and i get off the couch literally resting and lay my hands on the handles#and we see it go up. from 80 to 90 to 100 to 110 to 120 and hes a nurse and my moms a nurse and he says go upstairs and rest#dont hang out here with the kids. and im like ha i already told mom#he said sit there for ten minutes dont do anythingg and were trying again#he got mom to call our doctor and my doctor said to stop taking the adderall which is NOT IDEAL theres worse repurcussions to stop cold#so i cut mine in half. cause i had a dosage of 20mg and i almost fainted at work. we died the dosage down to 15#but after all that i cut my 15 down to 7.5 cause hey i cant stop cold but i can ween myself#brother said i shouldnt be taking adderall if im not doing anything that requires focus. but im like i need focus to live man#look at how much ive been drawing...i mean its only in like hour long intervals but its productive#so theres that. i can feel my heartrate already up but i guess its just a thing with me...anywho#doodles#the binding of isaac
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lobotomyladylives · 3 days
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maybe a stupid question but where did you learn so much about ufooos.. i feel like all the youtubers aside from like. maybe Think Anamolous are clickbait trash. and theres only so much from wikipedia articles 😭 im sure theres some good books out there about em
It isn't a stupid question! I know it can be daunting to get into such a massive topic where everyone involved already seems like an expert. For me it's honestly as simple as years & years of accumulated knowledge from watching docs, reading articles, & staying up to date with news/discussions that happen within the community (via r*ddit, mostly r/UFO lol). lots of independent research on cases that stuck out to me! though I can't say I always am a Facts & Logic ufohead bc I also will happily watch shit like ancient aliens even though I'm well aware 95% of it (being generous w/that percentage) is nonsense. it's still a lot of fun lol
Anyways idk if you're completely new to the ufo/uap stuff (sorry I'm gonna end up using the terms interchangeably as always bc I can never decide, uap is the updated more accurate term but ufo is the Classic & much more widely recognized) or not but if you need a crash course on what's been happening the past few years here's a useful site! the link below is a timeline of the partial disclosure that's been happening in bits and pieces since 2017 here (aka, the US government admitting that there are strange objects constantly darting in & out of our airspace that they can't explain the origin or mechanics of despite having been studying the phenomenon in secret for decades even as they were constantly denying it-and while there's no doubt that they know more than they're admitting to, I am most definitely not one of those "the aliens & government are already in contact and working together!!1" tinfoils types lol, too ridiculously implausible to seriously consider imo). it's very well organized & easy to read, I would definitely recommend looking through it!
also wanna link to a short documentary on youtube that solely focuses on what I consider to be the most plausible encounter with UAP ever recorded. to me this is as close to bulletproof evidence as the public currently has access to, though it's worth noting that despite releasing these few clips that you'll see in the doc (once they couldn't keep it a secret anymore), the military is still withholding the full, extended, clear videos for reasons they won't really say, not that they need to. we know why. it's bc the full video shows incontrovertible proof that this craft is not of human origin, the type that causes a legitimate mass paradigm shift.
youtube
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seariii · 3 months
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Hum...
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photographypunk · 1 month
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Gotta love that while being in many fandoms and oftentimes want specific scenarios and such story wise apparently fucking Scriddler is that special thing that gets me willing to work on shit
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tangledinink · 8 months
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i was briefly losing my mind and very seriously considering taking an adderall right here right now but then i took a long shower and my roommate came home and showed me some memes on his phone and i think the danger has passed :)
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puppyeared · 8 months
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When you backread through a fun conversation you had with someone for hours an angel gets its wings
#I was talking to my brother about Norman doors and I had fun in my UX class and he was telling me about demon cores and the trolley problem#in his class. AND I remembered to take my meds today so I can feel every cell in my body. i can feel the neurons rubbing together#and yesterday I infodumped about the specialists bullseye chart to crow and how it ties with witch hat atelier#WHICH I MANAGED TOGET THEM TK READ IM SO HAPPY. I MAKE SQUEALING GUINEA PIG NOISES EVERY TIME THEY TELL ME WHAT THEYVE READ SO FAR. AHH#i might not even be scratching the surface with witch hat there are so many themes i could not possibly fathom or go over my heasd#and thats what makes it so exciting there are so many spaces in between that you can fill with your thoughts and i. i#waves my hands around manically#for anyone interested in my insane ramblings. the bullseye chart is from are we all scientific experts now by harry collins#in my own words its basically saying everything we know about anything is a game of broken telephone#and it discusses how information gets lost in translation between experts and laymen including things that arent in control#one of the main points was how things that happen between experts are complicated including debates and findings#that you can only really understand thru research and experience in that field and cant be smoothly shared without it being reworded#and risking some of those key points. or even concepts that are hard to understand that cant be shared at all#like if you tried to tell me about how DNA works using words scientists are familiar with but i am NOT- i risk missing concepts that i need#to understand to know how it works on the level you understand. or i risk having it reworded and understanding it but not on that level#AND IT DOES TIE TO WITCH HAT THE WITCH AND NORMAL FOLK COMMUNITIES I PROMISE. ITS SO INTERESTING#anyway i spent hours reading back thru that conversation and i might as well admit it goes for almost every fun conversation i have#and it might be the 20mg of adderall in my body but i am in such a state of peace and love i have to verbalize it. ahh#yapping
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jessaerys · 7 months
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reading this article about the historical context of a serbian film (2010) both as a piece in conversation with decades of serbian horror cinema and as a response to the violence of the balkan wars, and its subsequent stripping of context by the UK media in favor of moralizing conversations about censorship and free speech, which ironically mirrored british media propaganda that dehumanized the civilian serbian victims during NATO's meddling in the break up of yugoslavia decades before the film's release, which paved the road for western orientalist notions of the balkan region
and it seems that the director wanted to play with these ofuscated concepts of self-balkanization that were already left to interpretation to begin with so it is interesting to learn all of this background info after years of tangentially being aquainted with the film for its gross-out, fucked-for-fucked's sake, watch-as-dare urban-legend reputation for which it is infamous in the west. but definitely not surprising lol
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