#need to start posting whatever the fuck i want and go on with it
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is it possible to request da vagastrom ghouls + jin and luca and their reactions when someone makes their s/o cry (preferably romantic if that’s okie) i would really love to see ur ideas on this!
Ooooh! I love this one! Thank you for sending in a request!
ALAN MIDO
Alan is VERY protective of his partner. It doesn't matter if they could kick his ass in a fight, he is protective. The second he catches wind of his MC crying for ANY reason, he drops his tools and goes RUNNING to them (like my mans is SPRINTING).
He first and foremost makes sure that MC is physically okay before getting to what happenedm He's not the best at comfort so he starts by using his size and reputation to get info from any witnesses.
It actually manages to work somehow and as soon as he gets his hands on the jackass who made them cry. Its straight to the pit to make an example of them.
When the two of them are alone at last. He does his best to try and comfort them, but like I said he's not the best with that stuff. So the best is an awkward hug, a listening ear, and him trying very hard to find and play a YouTube video to make them feel better....but very they have to help him with it.
SHOHEI HAIZONO "SHO"
He heard from Leo that MC was caught crying while he was cooking and for once, he quickly made sure that there was no chance of a fire, and stops in the middle of his cooking to go find MC.
Sho, on the other side of things, kicks ass before anything else. He's dragging the dumbass to the pit and kicks the shit out of him. Sho doesn't hold back like Alan does. It was an clear win from the get go, so the Sho betters in the pit were taking candy from babies.
After wiping the floor with the dipshit, he runs back to MC, gently taking their hands and lead them right back to the Vagastrom kitchen. He sets aside whatever he was cooking beforehand and asked what they wanted to eat.
He won't take no for an answer, and it doesn't matter if he doesn't have the ingredients. He will take them out on Bonnie to get their mind off of things. When he has everything he needs, he'll make whatever they want to eat.
If they want they want to, he'll even try his hand at baking. With their help of course, but he's more of a cook than a baker. Anything to help his MC feel better
LEO KUROSAGI
Oh HELL no! They're done. Absolutely destroyed. No not physically, Leo doesn't fight.
But word gets around quickly, especially on the social medias but Leo waits for MC to come to him. In the meantime, he finds as much dirt as possible on whoever the hell was there.
He's looking at security cams, wickchat posts, tiktoks, etc. It takes him at MOST half an hour to find who fucked up. And another half hour to find out some pretty juicy dirt on whoever it is.
He used an alt account to leak said juicy dirt by the time MC came to him. When they do, he lets MC cuddle up to him and doomscroll tiktok with him, filtering out anything about what happened and focusing on animal and funny tiktoks.
JIN KAMURAI
This is another who would wait for MC to come to him. But if they take too long he's sending either a text or Tohma to go bring them to him
He actually sends Tohma to get details on what happened as soon as he can. Tohma being Tohma, gets all the details that Jin needs.
Jin looks for things he can use to make that person's life a living hell. Assuming they're a student, he uses his connections to get them all the way down to probation.
And te thing about Jin is, his lasts. He makes an example of this person for MONTHS or at least as long as he can get away with it.
As for what he does with MC when they're crying. I think he takes them to his room and puts down the tough guy act for once. He'll give them a little forehead kiss and talks all nice and quiet with reassuring words, but just this once. (That a bald faced lie, he's just too stubborn to admit he's soft for his partner)
#tokyo debunker#frostheim#jin kamurai#lucas errant#headcanons#luca#Vagastrom#alan mido#shohei haizono#sho#leo kurosagi
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Most of this will be under a cut because it's long so strap in if you want to know what's happening here moving forward:
The muse list and rules are both being rewritten. Some muses are being dropped, some are being added, and the rules are having minimal changes, but things are still changing.
90% of drafts and memes will be dropped. I am going to strap in to writing today, and whatever is not posted or queued today will be dropped. I need a fresh, or at least semi-fresh, start to get things going again.
I will not do starter calls moving forward, unless they are one-liners, but I will continue to try and post open starters. I know that I have posted starter calls that have received plenty of traffic and then never posted starters - I am often just unable to think of something on the spot, so this will help me moving forward not promise things that I cannot deliver on. I apologize for this being a pattern in the past.
Memes will be replied (or queued) the same day they are posted, in order to keep up and not fall so drastically behind again. If they are not replied/queued that day, they will be deleted from the inbox. I am going to empty the inbox at least once a week, if not daily.
There is a chance that, later today, I do decide on an entirely fresh start, in which I will make a second announcement and launch a new blog. If that is the case, I will always greatly reduce my following list, because I do follow simply too many people that have shown absolutely zero interest in every writing with me. In that case, the same things as above will apply - I will reply to things as they come in when I am able more often, rather than hoarding things and trying to binge-reply.
If you read this much, thank you. I know my activity has been grossly sporadic lately. I won't go into the nitty gritty of how terrible my life has been (despite my appearance on this and other social media platforms, where I put up a surprisingly good front), but it has been absolutely fucking miserable. I miss writing as an outlet and a fun hobby, and whenever I was signing on here to write and have fun, the 300+ things between the inbox and drafts got me incredibly overwhelmed to the point of just shutting my laptop and crying honestly. This isn't something that should cause that kind of reaction, and so I've spent some time ruminating on everything for the past couple of weeks, trying to come up with a solution that doesn't totally fuck over my RP partners, who have been endlessly patient with me, or cause me to have a panic attack over a hobby. If you are interested in what is being kept, please feel free to ask me later this afternoon, and I will let you know what is queued/ready to post. <3
#ooc / a whole ass yikes#to be deleted / trash#[ in other news - my friend and i got matching twilight tattoos yesterday so that was fun ]
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How I think the TOH characters would react to you asking their pronouns:
1) Luz Noceda
Start of season one: "Uh, she/her! I think."
By the end of season one: "She/her! For noww~..." *double pistols and a wink*
Season two: "She/they baby! What about you?"
Season three: "She/they, but I dont really care."
Post show: "Ehhh, call me whatever. Follow your heart! See where the wind takes you. Look into the sunset. Listen to the whistle of the sea breeze. The answer lies within your heart, you just have to listen" *leaves before you can figure out what the fuck that means*
2) Gus Porter
"He/they, thanks for asking!" Hes a gay ally at the start of season one, but only because he learned about how humans are opporessed for "being happy" in their realm and that broke his heart so much he swore to stand by any "gay" human he ever found. So he self-identifies as an ally dispite being literally bisexual. Luz considers explaining what gay means in human modern context, but decides this is funnier, and then forgets about it.
3) Willow Park
Start of season one: "O-oh! She/they, thanks for asking! What about you?" A little unsure of herself gender wise but is coming into it
By season two: "They/She! What about you?" *Winks* By this point shes grown into herself and identifies as nonbinary. However, hes still not ready to peer into the depths of his soul and acknowledge the true hidden truth at the bottom there. No little plant boy dont internalize that!!!!
Post-show: "She/he/they, thanks for asking!" This is still fully a lie but he plays cat and mouse with his own gender for a couple years after the show. Literally refuses to think about it. He has other shit going on (he doesnt).
Finally, post-post-show: "He/him! Yours?" He is a nonbinary butch womanthing. Thank god he finally figured that out. Amity and Gus quietly exchange their bet money. Amity won.
4) Amitt Blight
Season one: "She/her. What do you want." I loved her bitch era it was so fun.
Season two: "She/they! Uh, thanks... for asking? Am I supposed to ask for yours now?" Still figuring out the proper etiquette. God bless her soul.
Season 3: "Oh, she/they. You?" This social script is so ingrained in her autistic speech patterns and mind that she acidentally said it to a cafe worker once and she almost turned herself into goo. Rip autopilot girlie......
Post-show: "She/they! :) What about yours?" She is secure in her answer now 👍 a certified category five nonbinary woman moment.
5) Hunter Noceda
Season one: "My..... whats?" You try to explain what they are to him and he says "My uncle says gender is a sin and I should never fall into it lest my soul be lost. And I dont know what that means but I dont want him to be mad at me so. Bye" and then he would flee the scene at 300mph and have a panic attack about in the closet.
Season two: "Oh... uh.... he... him?? I think??" *remembers youre supposed to ask something back* "Why do you need to know that" he sounds increasingly desperate as he realizes the social script for this conversation is slipping from his grasp, much like his current sanity.
Season 3: "Oh, oh, uhm, he/him, I guess" He sounds VERY unsure about that. You eye the book in his shoulder bag, and he shuffles awkwardly.
Post-show: "They/he!" They say, still a little haltingly. You nod like you believe it.
Post-post-show: "They...he... it? I mean I like they and it the most but Uhm he is still fine its fine like Im still a human. Im still a human... man" okay Hunter, for sure.
Post-post-post-post-show: "she...they?????" Sure Hunter
Post-post-post-post-post-show: "she/IT???" she shoulds desperate. Okay hunter.
Post-post-post-post-post-postshow: "It/its, but she/her is fine as well. Uh, thanks for asking. Uh. You?" There we go. Glad you finally came to this realization. The Murderbot Diaries would have irreversible affects on its gender.
#the owl house#toh#hunter noceda#amity blight#willow park#gus porter#luz noceda#LOL. lmao even#In honor of the TOH pilot leaking <3#long post#tag#gender headcanons
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Rant ahead, prolly gonna delete later
TW: gender dysphoria, fetishization of trans men in fanfiction
Idk if it’s just me but I’m a trans guy who typically won’t touch “trans male [character]” smut fics with a ten foot pole. I’ve found a handful that are respectfully written, but for the most part they make me feel so fucking uncomfortable. It’s like the (non-trans) writers don’t see trans men as real men. There’s frequent untagged feminization, excessively feminine terms, and an alarming number of pregnancy fics. I get that some people like these things, and I respect that, but that’s pretty much ALL that’s out there. It’s like they want to write for a m/m ship but only want to write m/f smut, so they slap “trans” on there. It’s so blatantly obvious that the majority of these writers have never done a drop of research on what it means to be trans masc, much less MET a trans masc person irl.
Not only that, complaining about it makes YOU the bad guy. I made a post on the AO3 subreddit back when I first joined it (aka before I knew better) just kind of venting about the way trans characters are written in fics. I was a lot more gentle and understanding about it than I’m being here btw. And instantly the post got flooded with comments saying that “just because you don’t like it doesn’t mean other people don’t.” Or “my roommate’s boyfriend’s brother is trans and he doesn’t care about that stuff.” Or that people are free to write whatever they want and if I don’t like it I shouldn’t be reading it. (My favorite one was “I’m cis but I don’t see an issue”) I ended up deleting the post.
Back in February there was this fic I read that did all that same shit and it pissed me off. Untagged feminization, afab language, the whole shebang. And I KNOW that author wouldn’t have treated the character that way if they were writing a cis man. For legal reasons, this comment was not written by me, but it was deleted by the author right away with no response.
I blocked them and moved on.
I guess what brought all these emotions back was a post I saw where someone was complaining about other cultures being written in an accidentally offensive way in fics. The same people who tore down my post (and others like it) were suddenly all into the idea of respecting the cultures you write, doing research on them, etc. How is trans culture any different? Why is it “um actually some trans guys like being feminized” but then “these cultural stereotypes are offensive and the author should do better?”
Not too long ago, I decided to start writing trans characters in fics. It was really tough for me, since I had to battle a lot of my own dysphoria, but I felt like it was worth it if it meant there was just one more fic out there to make trans people feel seen and respected. Being seen as a real man and being trans should not be mutually exclusive. It’s possible to be both. And it’s painfully obvious when the writer doesn’t see it like that.
If you’re trans and you feel the same way about all this, lmk. Sometimes I feel like I really am the unreasonable one and that I’m all alone here and it really fucks with my head.
And if you’re cis and wanting to write trans characters, I implore you to learn about us first. Trans people are not a shortcut to writing m/f smut. They have their own unique experience of the world that needs to be taken into account if you’re going to write them respectfully. Listen to trans voices. Please.
#rant#trans character#trans#transmasc#fanfic rant#gender dysphoria#tw dysphoria#transgender#trans man#bsd#bungou stray dogs#bsd fics#ao3 subreddit
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where dafuq did u go? u r not as active as u used to be😢 miss u uwuwu
don't got anything to post :( been spending a lot of time editing in photoshop lately¡! (f1 related mainly so posting these on @charlewiss ) but maybe i can get back on here again now with the season just about to start
#just unmotivated to post in general#bc its like well what do i add into this. others can edit pics others can write fanfic what is my personal bonus like what do i bring#need to start posting whatever the fuck i want and go on with it#sorryyyy for the oversharing its not that deep (but it is for me)#c answers
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OKAY! Chatot rant in tags below! Read at your own discretion.
#okay starting from the beginning of where ppl usually dislike him. apple woods chapter.#he doesn’t give hero/partner the CHANCE to explain themselves despite them being relatively good recruits up until that point.#and that legit might be my only gripe with that chapter bc!!! stories need conflict! I LIKE the conflict in apple woods!!!#hero and partner being punished so something they didn’t do!#the misunderstanding! how team skull (Skuntank) actually outplays the main duo with a clever yet rotten trick. I LOVE that it segways into-#one of the more sweeter scenes of guild members looking out for eachother. I LIKE APPLE WOODS CONFLICT.#but chatot just. not giving them a chance. is so dumb.#I’d personally fix this by having a lil montage of hero/partner fucking up on jobs. A LOT. and chatot giving them a pass every time.#and let the perfect apple incident BE the one where he puts his foot down and doesn’t listen to them. bc he’d given them loads of chances.#and doesn’t want to hear any excuse.#but yeah. I legit dont mind him during that chapter except for that really stupid and frustrating moment.#NOW. CHAPTER 17.#UGGGGHHH WHERE DO I BEGIN#Him not believing hero and Partner about Grovyle and the future being in ruin? FINE. ACTUALLY GOOD. BC CHATOT WOULD BE SKEPTIC.#IT FITS HIS CHARACTER!!#BUT WHAT DOES SUCK. IS HIM GOING ‘Dusknoir isn’t the bad guy. he didn’t do anything wrong’#WHEN HE LITERALLY KIDNAPPED HERO AND PARTNER RIGHT I N F R O N T OF HIM.#(NO LITERALLY. HIS CHARACTER IS IN THE FRONT ROW WHEN IT HAPPENED.)#and him. having the GALL to tell hero and partner they must’ve been ‘seeing things’ and downplaying the HELL they went through.#despite them being missing for hours/days. his own guild recruits. and his angry sprite showing up.#like. I think that’s when I genuinely despised him.#that and him going ‘OH I BELIEVED YOU THE WHOLE TIME HEEHOO :)’ shit was so fucking annoying.#just playing it off as a joke the second the guild started to believe hero and partner.#IMAGINE IF HE W A S ACTUALLY TESTING THE GUILD’S TRUST. SHOWCASING HIM AS THE MORE RESPONSIBLE AND RESPECTFUL RIGHT HAND OF THE GUILD.#and yes. Brine cave he saves hero and partner. but at that point I just didn’t care anymore.#he fucked those two over so much. that I didn’t care what ‘valiant’ sacrifice he had.#and he grills Team Skull for what they did OFF SCREEN. they couldn’t even give us THAT.#<<< THAT or him outright saying sorry would’ve been nice. IKIK his ‘actions’ or whatever but.#eughh again this is all imo. I’m not trying to make people hate him or change their mind.#I’ll get into positives in the second post cause I’m running out of tags
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#bloodborne#not exaggerating when i say that even wearing PANTS was seen as an exclusively masc thing btw#there are Multiple cases of women literally PASSING AS DUDES by wearing pants. IN THE ARMY NO LESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#this one lady who wore pants to farm was seen so outlandish it warranted public backlash#women were arrested for wearing pants and button-down shirts as recently as THE SIXTIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#i could go more into maria's outfit as a whole but the pants ALONE make her canonically masc By Definition in the historical context :)#if ur abt to be fucking stupid on this post im Just going to block u btw#having said that if anyone DOES have normal responses or questions i really love history and i have a lot of resources#comment/reblog/inbox/dm are all fair game <333#in case anyone was curious what my inbox looked like after making that post#most of these are direct quotes :) its just silly to me#like holy [citation needed]#if u want to know more!!!!#i love her so much and im really tired of (overwhelmingly cis) people literally being so insecure in their own gender#that they just start reinventing gender roles in my inbox!!!!!#and everywhere else they can get their hands on#i think some of yall need to realize that uhhhhhhh#butch lesbians seeing maria as a butch lesbian is not fucking '''''''tokenism'''''''''''' or whatever#that is Literally Not What That Word Means#but it may be worth examining why you are so upset by it?#or barring that........have some genuine curiosity about the history of gender.......because its really cool to research imo
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whys it so hard
#toy txt post#yknow. just. everything. whys it hard to do things#like maybe im not going to enjoy the things but i know i need to do them. i want them to be done. i want to do the things and have them be#done. so whys it so fucking hard. my executives are dysfunctioning. i am incapable of starting shit. i am doing nothing and sitting here#sad and scared and angry#for what. why#i know the answer is like. brain dont work + capitalism bad and exacerbates brain dont work but like. why#whys it work like that. @god or whoever or whatever. whys it hard. things should be easier. fuck you#okay enough serious venting im silly now#whys it hard. fucka you. booyah bomb in your house. 3 times#crab tank twice on a small fry during lowtide fog. fucka you#you know what maybe squidciety would be fucked too but at least in squidciety i get booyah bomb#wait. i have 1 braincell and its connecting dots that dont make sense. dungeon meshi splatoon. lets send the squids into the dungeon.#they get revived. salmon dinner i guess#lets give marcille a crab tank
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a quite simple outfit, trying to use the little blue and white apron thing (which is actually a dress I think, that I just leave un-buttoned in the back and added an apron-like tie to lol)
#self#mori kei#jfashion#NOT really but like.. it's.. adjacent I guess.. forgive me .. I may try using tags again though I kind of got out of the habit ghhj#I need to be... Seen to some degree. I want to start selling clothes and sculptures again to recoup the costs of having to euthanize my cat#and stuff . but that won't be very successful if I have like.. 15 people to sell to lol...#the eternal Hermit Conflict where you hate attention and Being Percieved in general yet in todays capitalist society it is nearly#a necessity to have some form of social network or media presence especially in creative fields. etc. etc. ... kicking screaming wailing#sobbing so on and so forth.. tearfully punching the cold mossy stone walls of my evil wizard tower...#I was also thinking of maybe opening a few sculpture commission slots and maybe Tumblr Blazing that post or something#but.. again.... sobbing crying interacting with the general public oughhf ouuch -500 HP#why can't I just be approached by some wealthy 65 year old woman who is nonsensically infatuated with my art for no#reason and gives me like $10.000 a week for food and art supplies and etc. and I can go fuck off into a cabin in the middle of nowhere#in the uk and just be left alone to work on my projects without even needing to build any form of connections or social presence because I'#already set for life and can just get funding and connections whenever lol.. WHICH not to be ungrateful like obviously I still appreciate#anyone who follows and interacts with my posts. I dont mean it in a 'grrr fuck all of you imbeciles I wish I could delete my blog!!!' or#whatever hhjkjk.. I just mean it more in a like.. I am very socially inept and my mental illness gives me severe social issues so any situ#tion where I'm expected to self promote or network or interact with others generally is nightmarish and stressful for many many reasons#and if I could somehow skip that part and just go straight to being a famous author or somethin.. that would be cool. Which I know EVERYONE#hates networking and stuff but I mean like.. on a level most people could not possibly comprehend.. I am not just an 'introvert'. I am like#doctors declare me incapable of functioning in general society very poor mental health prognosis probably should have a caretaker at#some point type Hermit lol.. ANYWAY ghbhj... alas.. I also feel weird about the sculptures in terms of what to charge for them#and always have which is part of why I stopped selling them. If I charged a fair even like $15 an hour many of them would be like#close to $150+. and nobody is going to pay that for a decoration. that doesn't even factor in like.. supplies or time spent communicating/s#etching the concept (if a commission) etc. etc. I thought it'd be better to just auction them then and let people pay what they want inst#d of a set price but etsy doesnt allow auctions and is it weird to just.. link people to an Art Ebay or something lol..#AAAANYWAY.. the outfit.. I still love these shoes. they're nice and a little Older Style looking. always into pastel florals too lol#(everything is thrifted as usual. excited about the shirt because it's so puffy! it was in the halloween section though ghjhj.. like when i#s october and they make the special aisle in goodwill for 'Costume' clothes even though theyre all just normal stuff I would wear ghg)
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thinking abt the touden siblings got me sniffling and weeping....
#im.too emotional abt them to properly explain#just rly glad to see autistic characters in media that i can deeply relate to and share experiences with. its such a rare thing#and i feel so protective of them i dont give a fuck abt fandom normally but some ppls bad takes lately are getting under my skin#like just say u hate autistic people and leave. stop calling laios a fucking freak im going to kill you with my bare hands#ppl think theyre so smart and funny for making posts like haha hes thr type of autistic that makes everyone uncomfortable and wish he-#would shut up or go away. im going to start hitting u with a brick until ur a bloody pulp#and thw way ppl treat falin so differently just bc shes not a guy. even tho theyre both clearly autistic and struggle socially#like wow thats crazy. do you act this way abt autistic ppl irl too#whatever just liberally blocking ppl abt it i dont fucking wanna see ur stupid posts#anyway.. back to thjnking abt their backstories and crying a little. masculinely of course#man i am soooo tired im so glad its the weekend i want to melt into a puddle and soak into the carpet and stain it forever#but we dont.have carpet.in this flat so.i guess ill just go to bed......#well maybe a little elden ring first#i would reallt like to draw sometime this weekend too. need to muster up some creative courage#but thats a problem for tomorrow... zzz#.diaries
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i’ve been stricken with so many problems.
#1) the fucking yearning. go away. i don’t need romantic love. it SUCKS and it’s BAD. disgusting.#2) a sudden repulsion for skirts???? WHAT THE HELL. I LOVE SKIRTS. BUT I CANT BRING MYSELF TO WEAR THEM RN. it’s so fucking weird.#3) i have to actually decide what to do with my life. like. big things. like getting a damn apartment.#4) the crippling fear of growing up has resurfaced. i just turned 20. i don’t want to do this shit anymore.#anyway i’m fine 👍#i suppose this is a vent post??? but in the tags.#haven’t vented on tumblr dot com in a hot hot hot minute#not since my irl friend started following me (hopefully they’re not reading this but if they are: hi)#ranting in the tags feels SO much safer. like. no one’s coming in here#OH ANOTHER THING.#5) a fucking midterm is here and it takes EFFORT.#it’s whatever im just feeling feelings and that’s all right#at least i have a fun little thing to look forward to this weekend#im going to see a ballet !!!#but damn……::::that makes me think about how i’ll never actually do anything with my life.#like we can’t all be on the stage but hell#like??? the knowledge that it only gets worse from here???????????? what the actual hell#and sometimes i think about how i’ll always have to be in the closet.#which sometimes im completely fine with and other times it hurts me a lot#idk. IDK.#anyway. im 20 and i don’t know what im doing with my life and ive never had a lover and i don’t have many friends#and i don’t have any passions or dreams or goals and we’re all only here to one day die.#damn i guess this is why people journal#maybe i should pick up journaling#i think it’d help tbh#anyway im rlly truly actually done now#edit: I HAVE ANOTHER PROBLEM#6) MY PERIOD IS MAKING ME UPSET. everything hurts and im gonna be so nauseous and gross tomorrow help me. pain & agony#7) i cant fall asleep!!!!!!!!!!! but im so tired!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#8) im gonna have to sit thru a transphobic + misogynistic + toxic ass chapel teaching tomorrow.
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I am not exaggerating when I say I live with one of the worst cishet men I've ever met in my life and its horrible
Pretty big vent incoming in tags, just a warning. Feel free to scroll past /gen
#sorry i. need to vent#he is genuinely one of the most ignorant; stubborn; and absolutely manchild of a man I've ever seen#I'm not fucking lying when I say he gets pissy and shouts and complains about EVERYTHING#and I don't mean just occasional shouting and getting loud#whenever he's upset. its /loud/. very loud#first time in my 5 years of knowing him I had enough and snapped back at him because he was yelling at me-#-bc I supposedly do absolutely nothing around the house and I take horrible care of myself and dont care about anything#at least in regards to the house#and complains about why I'm deciding not to go to college and that he got a job at 15 while he's literally#in his mid 40's#so.#like.#I told him I'm still 18 and I dont want him to boss around my entire fucking life but he brought up the excuse again of-#-him doing all the shit I SHOULD be doing by his words when he was 15#first of all. like. to get things straight; we are not related at all not even in the slightest#he's my mothers bf; I don't know why he gets so pissy at me about MY life of all things#like Jesus Christ shut up challenge impossible#yeah I had a fun (/s) moment earlier where I went to clean my dish and he started to snap at me about how I-#-walk past the dishes every day while they're piled up and I should do them. meanwhile. they're literally not mine. ever#I get it yeah but. whatever. he kept going onn and on and on and got even more upset with me literally not saying or doing anything to-#-provoke him more#Ig he just doesn't know that!! wow!! I do actually care about my life and future!!!!#and that getting a job is not that easy or the same as it was 30+ fucking years ago!! wow!! who would've guessed!!!!#Like genuinely i am literally trying to get a job rn and shit and have been stressing horribly about it for literal YEARS#but yeah ignore that I guess ok sure buddy#god sorry i.. really hate him. a lot#I dont like to hate on people really; esp if im accustomed to them. but him. he. no <3#I will say I hate him w my full chest#vent#negative post
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is there a way to block one single post without necessarily blocking the whole person
#every time the 'actually Kar/lach's endings are good because it's realistic or whatever' post shows up on my dash#my nerves ruin my whole day#and like it's fiction. death of the author and all that shit.#not the hill I want to fight people on#it's just that I immediately want to throw up and stop functioning#jesus fucking christ is it my actual trigger or something#and if so why would it fucking be#sigh#anyway really curious how I see people say 'it's a good representation of being in a relationship with a terminally ill person!'#and then I see people say 'I have a heart condition and I did not need a fantasy game to remind me of rEaLiTy'#anyway regardless of that point even#it's the glaring gaps in her quest content that make it all so much worse#but ooooh apparently giving the sweetest character of the cast who has ALREADY been through shit on par with everyone else#(look me in the eyes and tell me her backstory without the looming death wasn't already on par with Asta/rion)#is cool and realistic and the unfairness is the point--#how about you fuck all the way off#'the character kicked around by life dies in the end' is the worst trope#ask Arcadia Bay if it's still standing in my playthrough#anyway to Aver/nus we go#I am censoring all the names 'cause I don't want to start a fight#have your opinions just gods I wish I didn't have to look at them#purely for my own selfish sanity
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apparently sometimes I will just fall asleep for 2 hours, have a dream that consists entirely of having a lovely conversation with someone I really want to talk to more, then wake up, realise the conversation never happened, also remember how much I struggle with starting conversations sometimes, then just end up getting frustrated and upset about it
#personal#thoughts#🍬 post#vent post#dream posting#I'm trying to get myself to be better at approaching people I want to talk to#and I'm trying to internalise the whole ''if you want to do it but you're scared then do it scared'' thing#but I also am just better at starting a conversation if I have a specific thing I can send someone or ask about or whatever#trying to send completely normal stuff like ''hey! how's it going'' feels so painfully scripted we start panicking about it sounding weird#which I've just realised probably came from some specific experiences as a teenager... fuck 🙃#apparently sometimes you get to randomly make a fun little connection between struggling to start conversations now#and being bullied by family members for any part of your speech that sounded ''scripted''#despite being the ones that taught you to use those scripts to start conversations in the first place#''you should open conversations like this and ask these questions'' and then we'd do exactly that and get made fun of in front of everyone#I fucking hate this. oh yay we were bullied for saying things like ''how's it going?'' and ''how are you today?''#and ''what have you been up to lately?'' and pretty much any other basic conversation opener#and now we can't start a fucking conversation the normal way because we feel too stiff and awkward and like we'll be judged for it#because we'd ask how someone was doing and be laughed at in front of everyone for sounding ''scripted'' and ''fake''#awesome. now I need to process all of that bullshit too#I'm realising how much we got bullied for our speech patterns in general and oh my fucking god
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#I have so much I want to say but nothing I can actually articulate#how do I make you see how much you’re hurting me? how do I make you see how much I love you at the same time?#you grew a conscience too little too late and I was left to hang for it#I keep trying to be who you want but it feels like there’s no version of me that will make you happy#and I feel the distance growing between us every day because of how you’re pushing me away#but still you’ll say everything is fine and I just have to accept things the way they are#it doesn’t matter what I say or do because everything I say/do is always wrong in your eyes#I’m always fucking things up somehow and making you angry#so it’s at the point where I just have to stifle my feelings and swallow my pride and try to keep you happy#do you remember how we became friends? you reached out to me to help me with my anxiety from a post you stumbled across#but I feel that now if I were to share any of those kinds of feelings with you I’d be mostly ignored or it would start another fight#how can you say you’re always supportive when there’s no way to talk to you when I really need you because you’re simply not here?#how can you be mad at me for wanting more time with you when there are days you only send me one message and nothing else?#and still the thought of losing you hurts so much that I’d rather just concede to whatever you want#I’d rather let you crush me and dictate how our whole relationship will go than see you walk away from me#I know that’s so unhealthy but I don’t care anymore because I just need you that much#I hate this stupid connection we seem to have and how we’re still so drawn to each other even when we’re hurt and angry#it would be so much easier if you were just some guy I could block#but you’re not because you’ve become my best friend and that in itself is so horribly pathetic it makes me sick#I just can’t get these thoughts out and so I feel sick and anxious and I just want to sleep this all away#how do I say any of this to you? i don’t think I could really#personal
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I have a migraine 🤪
#incoming vent sorry about it#¯\_(ツ)_/¯#life sucks and im so over all this shit#it's literally been the what like year from hell#so my mom almost died this time last year and there's been all kinds of fun ptsd like symptoms from that and then my dog died and then#everyone got covid and then i got a sinus infection because i can't do anything normal#now last week i was thinking about what i need to talk to my doctor about and I'm thinking about my symptoms and mom's like that sounds like#lupus which is what my mom has and now I've been so super stress sick and I'm just trying to chill and relax and my estranged family member#is trying to work their way back into our lives and throwing a fit cause we won't let them because they've threatened and tried to kill us#all on multiple occasions and i know the threats are going to start up again and I'm worried that this time they're serious#i know this is either going to go one of two ways and they're going to try to kill us or themselves and i just i don't know#i don't know what to do about it because we don't have any proof of these threats written down because they've all been verbal#my family doesn't really know what to do either but i know the getting a gun conversation is going to come up again#and then I'm going to have to outwardly admit that I'm not stable enough for that shit and then everyone's going to freak the fuck out and#ughhh god i just can't deal with this shit anymore it's all bad and it all fucking sucks ass#oh and I'm trying to give up for the day and go to bed so I'm looking for YouTube videos to keep my mind busy and someone i follow#is having to live post that they're trying to keep their friend from committing suicide because the friend turned it into a public thing and#the yt is trying to reassure everyone and it's just all too much#I'm too on edge I'm too triggered or whatever i don't know what the fuck to do anymore i just want to go to bed and sleep until everything#is magically better. also i have three publishers breathing down my neck for this book but i haven't been able to write in months because of#all of this shit and then i had the bright idea of starting a writing blog i have NO CONTENT for and just FUCK fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck#i just want to go be a fucking snap under the ocean im done fuck all of this being a human fucking sucks and I'm exhausted#oh and also my brother for randomly offered a job I've been trying to get for fucking years so ✌🏽😁✌🏽 that's also doing great things for#me i am super proud of him though cause he's working his fucking ass off i hope he takes it cause if not i will punt him into the sun#but anyway I've had it officially! so good night tumblr stay classy#izzy speaks but i really shouldn't
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