#naruto need therapy for life
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Anko: Kurenai let me the f*ck out!
Kurenai: *Sitting on a comfortable chair with hot cup of tea and a book in hand* No.
Anko: *Whining Voice* Why not!?
Kurenai: Because I am not paying your jail bailout for sexual assault and stalking…for the eighth time!
Anko:…All I did was touch his c*ck and follow him to the bathroom and the Konoha cops arrested me for that crap? Bulls*it! *Shaking her prison with impotent rage*
Kurenai: *Deadpan Expression* Are you even hearing yourself out now?
#naruto#naruto shitpost#kurenai yūhi#anko mitarashi#kurenai is so done#anko is a serial stalker#anko is narutosexual#narutosexual#naruto need a adult#anko is a adult#naruto need therapy for life#poor naruto#poor kurenai
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tumblr is getting so boring i wanna cry
#tp#im losing all interest in this site and writing and kpop 💔💔#like yeah im still bopping to the music but nothing is entertaining anymore on yt and all content are boring#no offense to anyone tho 😭😭#life is boring oh so boring#anyhow im still adamant on finishin when flowers wilt bc now it's become a personal problem 💀💀#me and that wip are gonna battle it out 1v1 some day soon istg#also going off on a tangent again but it feels like im losing all of what little passion i used to carry?? for anything??#meh#it all feels meh#i dont feel like doing anything anymore#no desire to do anything#i think i need some of naruto's talk no jutsu and therapy session#or for bakugo to slap some sense into me#oh well
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FINAL ROUND
HATAKE KAKASHI vs SENJU TSUNADE
Reasons for submission under the cut
Kakashi
relatable as an adult
he is just an overworked guy who was told to watch some kids w LOTS of issues
needs therapy
good presence and guidance in Narutos life
interesting
cares about and is dedicated to his students very much
he is just cool
he is trying his best despite what he has been through in the past
is up for having fun but still knows when to be serious
was a narcissistic shit but grew out of it
has good intentions
sexy
wonderfully complex and well developed character
incredibly resilient and supportive
a sad and deeply broken man
always willing to give his life to protect them and his other precious people
just wanted everything to be ok for once in his life
hated Danzo
his friendship with Gai is adorable
the way he teases Tenzo is fun
he’s known as cool and aloof but in reality he’s a huge dork
Gai would want him to win
Tsunade
milf….
was the best hokage
the regulation she created to include medics on every team saved so many lives
she's funny and a complex and interesting character
is a bad bitch
probably THE most competently written female character in the entire series
she has a very rich history that plays into her character's actions and motivations
wanting to be the best medic-nin possible in order to save more lives because she lost her love Dan, and also change the way ninja squads operated to always have a medic to save more lives did so much for the better during the war to reduce casualties
after being broken down by so many people she cares about dying, she dips and leaves behind ninja society, which has taken everything from her (including wiping out her clan)
because Tsunade is also one of the most legendary/strongest ninja alive, no one could really stop her or chain her down. It takes the conviction of a child who wants her to save the village and heal his friends to get her back to Konoha, despite the all the trauma she's endured
she's a medic with a fear of blood that overcomes that to fight her own teammate and beat his ass so Orochimaru stops killing and maiming people
she steps up to be a leader because it's what the new generation need and someone has to fix all the stuff broken by her selfish teammates and old teacher
the strongest female character both in physical strength and the strength of her writing. It's like she was written first as a character versus most of the other female characters being written first as Girl and Love Interest
Tsunade is vain and a chronic gambler and drunk, she is really brash and abrasive, she is traumatized. But she's also deeply caring, an incredibly accomplished woman, one of the smartest people/medics in the world, and a great leader
she's multi-layered. She is a woman, but her entire character isn't just Woman
finally finished the job on Jiraiya on previous poll
strong arms
she is strong and smart and quick as a whip but still soft and caring when it comes to her loved ones. Characters with rough exteriors who are mushy inside are very good
#alright people the sillies are over here you go lol#bestnrtcharapoll#naruto#polls#hatake kakashi#kakashi hatake#senju tsunade#tsunade senju#id in alt text
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Random question, but let's say that Itachi lived right? Like all the way to Boruto, do you think Itachi would probably be that one, almost, father figure to Sarada in a way? Considering since Sasuke has always been away from the two of them (Sakura and Sarada) if Itachi decided to stay in Konoha instead of traveling with Sasuke? Also I wonder how Itachi would react to Sasuke being with Sakura as well, I wonder, what do you think?
Interesting question.
To answer this, we need to consider some major factors that were crucial in shaping their lives.
If itachi lived, he should have the development he did during the war i.e. realizing treating Sasuke like a baby was a bad choice he made all along.
Sasuke doesn't know Itachi is alive. Why would he leave the village in the first place if Itachi was alive?
Itachi doesn't know where Sasuke is. Why else would Itachi stay in the village if he could be with his brother?
Konoha has somehow cleared his name and acknowledged its own crimes against the clan.
Still, I'm going to answer this question with the ideas that are independent of each other and don't need each other to exist (if that makes sense?)
I think Itachi would be a terrible father figure to Sarada. He didn't grow up to lead a normal life full of love and comfort. He was a Shinobi who was trained to kill. That's what he did all his life and he never had the time to be anything other than that. He loved Sasuke a lot, but his expression was thoroughly violent, although under extreme duress, and in a slightly easier life he'd have served better. He doesn't know how to be a normal person. He doesn't understand how to be something that's not a Shinobi and a killer. He was conditioned since his childhood to live a certain way and the change in the lifestyle would not change anything for him. I personally don't see him being able to guide Sarada or be a positive/healthy influence in her life. He can't give anything to her, or anyone, for that matter.
He's way, way too damaged as a person. Even if you include therapy sessions those won't erase his past and what he feels about himself. He can't offer anything in a bonding that isn't with Sasuke. He'd still feel some affection towards Sarada. He has no reason to not like her, but he can't be a parent figure to her. I mean, isn't that the whole reason Sasuke, too, isn't a 'good father' to Sarada? He too is damaged beyond repair.
Some anti-SS content under the cut. No slander or bashing of the characters, but my opinion on why Itachi might not approve of Sakura as his brother's life partner. I'll tag the post accordingly. Please don't read if you're a fan of the pairing.
He will not be overly thrilled about Sakura being in Sasuke's life. Sasuke didn't love Sakura and Sakura never loved Sasuke. She was obsessed with an image of his she found alluring and his absence in her life fed that longing further, making her feel she loved him. He was a trophy for her she was to win in the contest of her rivalry against Ino.
In other words, she had no genuine feelings for Sasuke.
Sasuke, too, never felt any affiliation towards her. Yes, there were some moments he cared about her deeply, but he's genuinely kind and caring towards people. If he loved her he'd be more open about his feelings.
When Itachi met Team 7 in the Kazekage Rescue Arc, he paid no attention to Sakura. His attention was solely on Naruto and was happy to see Naruto had grown so much from the last time they met. There was a reason he entrusted Sasuke with Naruto. And he wouldn't be too pleased to know that Sakura once tried to kill his brother for whom he bore the worst pains and sins in his heart.
That alone would infuriate him. However, it wouldn't matter to him if Sasuke really loved Sakura, because I don't think the Itachi that bid farewell to Sasuke in the war would claim any stakes on him. If Sasuke loved Sakura he would be okay with it, but not trust her. Itachi's brain works in different ways. xD
Itachi would also understand there's a reason his brother doesn't want to be with his family. And his lack of affection towards them would tell him everything. He decided things for Sasuke when he saw him as a child in the past, but won't make the same mistakes again.
I think he'd like Sarada, but won't be extremely fond of Sakura. Though I don't see him being good with kids at all.
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The reason the leaf was founded was so that children could grow up in peace, safe from war
If this had worked out, what do you think the Konoha 13 would do for a living? Sai would still be an artist
We all love the idea if Sasuke being good with animals so I'm saying a wild life specialist who lives in safari clothes, he can just walk up to lions and other dangerous animals and give them scritches
This is adorable and the idea of Sasuke working with animals instead of becoming a cop like most of his family is *chefs kiss*
Imagine Sasuke starts by helping Kiba part time at Hana's vet clinic and falls in love with the job!!
Sakura could totally be a teacher, I can see it, I would love to see it!
Naruto would be an artist! He takes a liking to painting at first and experimenting with all sorts of colors and materials, then meets Sai and they could study together~ both having very different styles.
Kiba's a vet, so Shino could study insects, like his dad, he starts out by helping him in the village's research lab or something like that and just feels comfortable following his steps :)
Imagine Hinata would be raised by her dad to be a model or actress from a very young age, but she doesn't enjoy it and still wants to find something for herself.
And then Neji could work with pharmacy? Chemistry? Vaccines? He's like a young genius big nerd and takes Hinata to help, while she figures out what she wants to do with her life.
Ino obviously still works at the flower shop, BUT Gaara moves to work with her because life in Konoha is much better than his family life and gardening is great therapy!
I can't imagine Shikamaru really doing anything so he can become sort of a guide to his clan's deer forest, if Shino needs some data he takes him there, or if Neji is studying some healing property from the deer antlers he goes with him... Like that.
Since the Akimichi are one of the main/noble clans I wanna say Chouji still becomes a ninja, but only when he's older. I believe a few clans or some members would still be kept as fighters to protect the village or take smaller jobs as bodyguards and stuff.
Hear me out... Lee as a mail man! Which is the equivalent of a marathon runner! Imagine his attitude at making sure everyone got their letters and messages on time!
I think Tenten would switch places with Gaara and get herself some internship in Suna working with Kankuro and puppets~
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What's the bnha fic and why would it get you stoned by teenagers lmaoo
I think Deku and Bakugo should be equal yet opposite levels of completely fucking terrible.
ASJKLDF I was helping @bytebun spitball ways to make the Bakugo and Deku dynamic not badly written, and they were detailing some ideas and I was detailing others, and I eventually I was like 'like this?' and wrote this, and they were like 'yeah like that' and etc.
Look. There is an art and a science to writing shonen rivals. It is a clear and concise thing. Deku and Bakugo are not good shonen rivals. This is because they can live without each other. This is because they do not need each other psychologically. This is because they do not fulfill something that was missing in each other. This is because they are not the same person. This is because they are not two exact opposite people in every way. Go read Hikaru no Go and Naruto and get back to me on what an actual shonen rivalry looks like. This is why teenagers would stone me to death.
Literally only two pages of a fic under the cut but I personally do want people to know that this is MY hero academia.
A piece of paper teleported onto Katsuki’s desk. He stared down at it. He looked to the right, where Deku was grinning anxiously at him and pointing at the paper. Katsuki, staring him directly in the eyes, smeared his hand across the front of the page and set it thoroughly on fire. It burned to a crisp in seconds. Deku’s face fell pathetically, like bow-legged dog.
“No quirk usage in detention, Bakugo!”
“Deku was passing notes,” Katsuki said snidely, not taking his eyes off Deku. Deku’s big, wet, pleading eyes promised that snitches get stitches.
Snipe sighed and went back to his VR game, hands twitching. “Just simmer down, you two.”
“Y - yes, sir, of course, I’m sorry!”
Katsuki did not lower himself to acknowledge a teacher. They waited in bloated silence until they were both certain that Snipe had lost himself thoroughly in the beauty of fictional marksmanship as a distraction from his real life marksmanship before making their next move.
Deku leaned over, whispering so quietly his mouth barely moved. “You punched me because you resent your mother.”
Jesus motherfucking Christ. Not this shit again. “Stop chasing me down with your goddamn psychoanalysis,” Katsuki hissed. “You can’t fix me.”
“Because you don’t need to be fixed! You just need to admit that you’re jealous of my own perfect mother’s nurturing parenting style and that you needed validation of your feelings instead of your achievements. You’re replicating your mother’s stunted emotional expression but you know how it prevents you from genuine connection.”
“I’m not listening to this.” Katsuki powerfully refrained from listening to Deku or reacting. Deku waited patiently. Katsuki lasted around five seconds. “Rich talk from Mr. Daddy Issues, asshole!”
“Really, Kacchan? Playground insults?” Deku looked down upon him pityingly yet compassionately. He practiced that expression in the mirror. Katsuki had seen it. Deku tried convincing him that he was imagining things, and when his manipulative tactics failed against Katsuki’s iron will he pivoted to convincing the rest of the class of Katsuki’s discomfort with visible emotion. “I processed the trauma of my father’s abandonment and my internalized guilt over why he left. I came to peace with it a long time ago. I’ve realized the power of found family, Kacchan.”
Katsuki narrowed his eyes. “You cried last week because you failed the practical exam and you thought All Might wouldn’t like you anymore.”
“And I recognize the scars that remain.”
“You are actively wasting my life.” Katsuki picked up his slimy pencil and bent over his assignment, flexing his well-honed ability to repress Deku’s existence. “Go jerk yourself off with your therapy language someplace else, asshole.”
Deku sniffed, turning back to his own assignment. “It sounds to me like you haven’t realized the power of found family.”
For the love of - only somebody with daddy issues nattered on about found families. Katsuki was from a nuclear home and he didn’t need to speedrun emotional intimacy with every other emotionally damaged fame-hungry asshole in their pretentious little prep school.
Katsuki leaned over, letting the pop and crackle of his sweat echo in Deku’s ears. For once, the sound didn’t make him cringe away. It just made him sit very still, eyes tracking Katsuki’s movements. Like a pathetic little wounded gazelle. As if. Deku was a lion playing at a wounded gazelle for sympathy, and he always had been. He would feed anything into the gaping maw of the perpetually hungry savior complex. Even Katsuki.
“At least I know my friends like me for me,” Katsuki hissed. He’d never call them his friends to their faces, but - well, Katsuki had more than enough friends who liked him for his accomplishments in his life. He knew how to pick out the real deal. “Your life is a pretense and your personality is a mask. One little thing about you has defined your past, present, and future, and you are nothing but that one little thing. Deku.”
Deku narrowed his eyes at Katsuki. “One could say the same about you.”
Yes, obviously, don’t remind him. “Yeah, but the people around me know it. So long as the people around you don’t know it, you’ll never really know if they like you or not. A friendship like that can’t be real. They don’t know why you’re Deku. I’m the only one in this class who knows nobody should trust a word you say.”
But Deku just turned his head and smiled at him, and the smile was identical to every other smile. “By that logic, you’re the only real friend I have.” Katsuki opened his mouth indignantly. “What? Is your logic flawed? Are you wrong? Kacchan?”
Ugh! Fucking rhetorical traps! If he tried, he could probably think of another argument, but it didn’t seem like an important thing to argue. “We’re trapped in this stupid room for three more hours and I am going to actually explosion murder you if you don’t shut the fuck up.”
Deku smiled, one of his little secret smiles - a little cheeky, a little sly. “Then we should learn to coexist. Tolerance is a beautiful thing.”
“If you’re trying to get me to stop punching you in class you should just say so. Or ask.”
“I have a packed schedule, Kacchan. I’m just trying to maximize the time in my day.” Deku bent over his assignment, pencil flying at light speeds and clearly dismissing him. His eyes flickered to Katsuki one last time. “Maybe I’ll find time to reply to Kirishima’s text requesting help in asking you out -”
Katsuki exploded, and both of their days were lost to another three hours of detention.
#my asks#my writing#does izuku in this have absolutely nothing resembling actual izuku yes#is this the izuku i think would be funny also yes#sorry ive read too much BNHA fic for someone who doesn't like BNHA#Naruto is worse but I respect it more
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If there ever was anyone remotely human and genuine in the whole mess that’s the Naruto world, that was Sasuke. After everything he went through and seeing all the shit he saw, I can’t imagine myself at that age having any other reaction, specially if I was left to deal with all that bs on my own while being just a child.
It’s so messed up how almost all of the Naruto fandom forgets Sasuke was barely 7 YEARS OLD when his most precious people we’re massacred and he was forced to witness the whole atrocity not once, but thousands of times by being put in one of the most heinous genjutsu there is by the person he trusted and adored the most in the whole world. Sasuke was a child and his elder brother was his world and he did that to him, how did people expect his young mind to deal with all that mess and cope with the trauma in any sort of decent way if he never received any form of therapy, NOT EVEN A FN EXPLANATION AS TO WHY HIS BROTHER DID THE THINGS HE DID. Only what Itachi told him and how Itachi himself molded Sasuke’s life the way he pleased. Itachi sentenced Sasuke to a life of vengeance and hatred and loneliness and not once I’ve seen him (as the actual ADULT of the two) be hold accountable for his wrongdoings, but a shit ton of assholes shitting on Sasuke for acting as, well, THE VERY UNSTABLE TEENAGER THAT NO STUPID INCOMPETENT NEGLECTFUL ADULT AROUND HIM WAS ABLE TO HELP.
Like, be serious and tell me you would be totally chill if your whole family was murdered and you discover it was all orchestrated by the authorities of your own town because of some unfounded nonsense of a “curse of hatred” some old asshole that’s been dead for ages invented to have a reason to mistrust and segregate your clan and force them to submission in case they needed your power in future conflicts with other villages, the same power they later used as an excuse to label you all (even the smallest children) as a potential “threat” and eventually slaughter everyone... That’s just too much even for a child who grew up in the context Sasuke did, being from a prominent shinobi clan and in the middle of a war.
Of course it makes perfect sense for him to turn out the way he did, no one ever bothered to fucking sit down and have a proper conversation about how he truly felt or offer some selfless help, comfort him or take care of the simplest things “have you eaten yet?” “how did you sleep?” “what are you doing today?” things that are so simple and yet so important for kids. Instead, the only people who were slightly close to him after his family were constantly harassing him, questioning him, pushing his boundaries, forcing themselves onto him, undermining his trauma and experiences because “others had it worse (yeah i don’t think so, Kakashi, but ok ig)”, treating him like an object to insert their own goals and ideals, guilt tripping him into compliance and forcing him to fit in what THEY had idealized him to be, when in reality they didn’t even know him truly bc they never tried to do so.
#sasuke uchiha#pro sasuke only#pro uchiha#anti naruto uzumaki#anti sakura#anti konoha#anti sasusaku#anti sasunaru#anti sns
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Do you think Kakashi has OCD? The whole handwasching thing looks like a compulsion to me.
Ooh, good question!
*First, as a caveat and disclaimer, it’s hard to diagnose a fictional character and I am not making light of any IRL diagnoses, as OCD can be debilitating. So any and all answers are for entertainment-educational purposes only. If anyone suspects they may need additional services or therapy, please seek local professional help or if in immediate crisis, in the US, call 988*
As for your question.
Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder is considered an anxiety disorder or part of the anxiety family. Kakashi does have numerous symptoms of anxiety: he has anxiety attacks; displays symptoms of social anxiety; uses a security object in Icha Icha; has self-derogatory behaviors, etc….So with that said, there is such a thing as trauma-induced OCD, in which a person can develop OCD or OC symptoms following a trauma, and Kakashi has a ton of trauma. Couple that trauma with someone who already has a genetic predisposition to anxiety and depression (his dad displayed severe anxiety and depression) and you will have someone who is at increased risk of developing trauma-induced OCD.
For OCD, you have the obsessive and/or compulsive components. For example with the handwashing there’s usually an obsession that yields distress or discomfort, (e.g., being dirty, feeling contaminated, or something to that effect) and the compulsion, or action to relieve the distress of the obsession (e.g., the handwashing to remove the contamination). So, for Kakashi, what was his obsession? He had intrusive thoughts of seeing Rin’s blood to where those intrusive thoughts became an obsession. Would his washing Rin’s blood off be seen as a compulsion? Yes. It relieved his distress associated with intrusive thoughts of seeing Rin’s blood on his hands. What was his reasoning for the handwashing? To relieve distress.
When treating OCD, one of the first things assessed is if there is a history of trauma because untreated intrusive thougts can become obsessive thoughts. So,for Kakashi, did he have intrusive thoughts – Yes, definitely. Did the intrusive thoughts become obsessive – Yes. Now, here’s the tricky part, to be diagnosed with OCD, the person needs to have the presence of obsessional thoughts and/or compulsions, which Kakashi did have. However, the obsessions and compulsions must: 1) be time-consuming, last more than an hour a day, and 2) cause significant distress, and 3) impair work or social functioning. Does Kakashi meet this criteria? Yes, he had obsessions and compulsions. Do we know how much of his day they occupied – later we do, but more about that in a minute. Or how much his work and/social life was impaired? More about that later, as well.
If left untreated, OCD symptoms potentially last YEARS or even a lifetime. And we know how great nonexistent a mental healthcare system the shinobi world had, so Kakashi's would have been untreated. So, theoretically, if Kakashi has OCD, his symptoms would have lasted for years, into OG Naruto and into Shipudden, right? So, did his compulsions last for years? Or was it a one-time thing? More on that later. I know, so much left for later discussion, huh?
Obsessions and compulsions are often (spontaneously) replaced with new ones – it’s typically not just one and true OCD usually does not just go away on its own, just the obsessions and compulsions tend to cycle, with new ones appearing to replace the old ones, so, to outsiders, it looks like the disorder disappears. So, his handwashing may not have lasted years - that we know of. However, and a big HOWEVER, one can argue that he replaced his handwashing with visiting the graves of his loved ones for HOURS. EVERY. SINGLE. DAY and that DID, in fact, last for years and DID affect his work and social life functioning – he was HOURS late to everything because he was arguably compulsing at the gravesites/memorial stone.
Along the same line, the reasons he was at the graves - he has obsessive thoughts about being considered a "bad person," as demonstrated in the war arc when he keeps repeating that he's trash and scum and tells Obito he's right. Odds are those thoughts are always present, or preoccupy a lot of headspace and time, but he doesn't verbalize them publicly (usually only at the graves/memorial stone). That would be considered obsessive behavior.
One can potentially argue that wearing his mask in public could constitute OC behavior - as it appeared to cause marked distress to him if he was faced with removing the mask - even at an early age. Note it's not uncommon for adults with OC behavior to display OC behavior as children, but that's another answer... And yes, he doesn't wear a mask as Sukea, but he wears makeup and gets to "hide," so in essence, it's another mask.
So, all of that just to say in this very long answer, that, yes, in all likelihood, Kakashi has symptoms congruent with trauma-induced OCD with potential OC symptoms/behaviors beginning in early childhood. Or you could say that he already had OC behaviors as a kid, but trauma made it worse.
#kakashi hatake has ocd#kakashi hatake#hatake kakashi#anime therapy#kakashi needs therapy#naruto therapy#naruto#kakashi has ocd
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You know, I can see why sometimes people think callouts are necessary;
When you are in a communal space and being harmed, or have suddenly become privy to serious harm, you want that harm to stop. One of the first things you learn on how to do that, once asking them to stop doesnt work, is to ask for help.
In small communities like forums or discord servers, you ask the community leaders for help. They talk to the person to make them stop or ban them from the small, non life-essential community. If the harm was bad enough they might encourage you to bring it to court (such as an adult soliciting nudes from minors in DMs).
Often this is done without the details being aired to the rest of the community (if the issue was in private).
But bigger websites like tumblr or twitter or youtube are not these kinds of small communities. Banning someone from a huge swath of the internet materially effects their livelyhood and ability to access community and care. The support staff for these websites usually take time to get to the case and often do nothing about it when they do because its not what they consider a TOS violation, even if its harm done.
This means if it cannot be solved by blocking, and you cannot leave because the space has things you need, your final tool to make harm stop is by airing the dirty laundry so social shame hopefully does something.
HOWEVER THE VAST MAJORITY CALLOUTS ARE NOT LIKE THIS
Most callouts are petty drivel attacking minorities (but especially trans women in particular) and filled with lies.
The person making the callout though, often genuinely believes that they are making harm stop like above though- because their definition of harm is much wider and includes things like 'trans woman having sex with consenting adults in a way I dont like', 'I was in conflict with my ex a lot because we could not communicate', and 'reblogged a fanart shipping naruto and sasuke once'.
They think that things that personally upset them out of disgust count as real harm. They think any conflict is always abuse.
Or at least, that is what the people making them will claim, and its hard to sort them from the true victims.
I think a notable part of why callouts are such a plague is because of the structure of social media as a whole. We dont HAVE the usual tools to curate our spaces well enough anymore and protect our communities from bad actors and people know this. Its the drawback of being so connected. They cannot see another way to do this, so they are loathe to let go of a tool that -in theory- can.
I think its something that is overlooked in conversations about this.
Its rare a plea to abandon callouts altogether has a feasable answer for 'what do we do with the confirmed serial abusers, scammers, and cult leaders that DO exist? How do we prevent them from hurting more people? They already had community support and love and they did harm with it. You cannot give them a rape babysitter a la the missing stair essay (of which the story shows works badly) over the internet. You cannot make them go to therapy over the internet and ensure it works. You cannot still act like nothing happened without making their victims feel unsafe and unsupported. What is there left to do?'
And honestly, I DONT have a good answer to assuage these concerns.
With new social media the way it is, with site moderators that only step in for TOS violations if that, how CAN we keep known serial bad actors with no true commitment to doing better from harming others except by warning people to not trust them?
Internet safety tip PSAs only do so much, and not using the megasites is not an option for most people either.
Trying to make callout posts be more accurate by trying to educate what is a calloutable offense has done nothing to reduce erroneous callouts.
People already commit to 'only spreading REAL callout posts', but they still spread bunk posts regardless.
It just... sucks all around.
-This post is not a perfectly worded and cited essay, do not treat it as such-
-This post is saying all the callouts crying wolf have ruined one of the few tools left to oust actual unrepentant serial abusers and scammers from communities without cop involvement, not that one should spread callout posts, dont clown!-
#remember what groups of people actually DO get false accusations (poc and queer people esp trans women)#and that DARVO is a common tactic for a reason#wayward rambling#long post#callout culture#discourse#sj#this is rebloggable but like if theres clownage ill lock it#abuse
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!!!!!!!!!!
Hashirama isn’t allowed to participate in the plant contests because his chakra makes them grow to absurd heights.
Naruto’s apartment looks like a literal jungle by the time he’s six.
The Aburame bugs like to visit because of the wide selection of quality plants and strong ambient chakra.
By the time Naruto is seven, all his flower pots have seals inscribed on them to help them grow, to turn colors when they need water, detect sickness, etc.
Naruto thinks Kakashi’s chakra feels like cool rain in a thunderstorm and it’s a comfort to him even when the warmth of his body gets a bit much.
Kakashi would go on a murderous rampage if someone broke a leaf off of “Miss. Storm Bringer” or “Mr. Sky Splitter.” He is also very dutiful in taking care of them and has Pakkun drop them off at Naruto’s with babysitting money.
Alternatively, Kakashi could try really hard to keep them healthy but ultimately be so so bad at it. Whenever he drops them off, Naruto has to replace it with a decoy to prevent Kakashi from being sad. Like a parent replacing a dead goldfish. He, somehow, never finds out and just thinks not seeing the plants for a while makes him think they look better when he comes back. This belief is reinforced when they start looking the same as always after a day or so with him.
Hashirama and Naruto hold funerals for the dead plants with the ghosts their named after crying in the background. Whenever a new generation is sent off, they get a speech for their “bravery and valor” and are thanked for their “sacrifice for the cause” which is making Kakashi happy.
Maybe after the 10th generation, the ghosts protest letting more of their plants die so Naruto straight up replaces it with a plastic plant which Kakashi still waters per usual. Who knows if he ever finds out.
As much as I’m a sucker for Kakashi getting way too into plant care and treating them like his actual children like he treats the ninken like his siblings, the image of him slamming into Naruto’s Rainforest Cafe ass apartment (complete with stoned looking tree frog Naruto drive at the insistence of one of the ghosts years ago) just all “HOW LONG WRRE YOU GOING TO LET ME WATER A PLASTIC PLANT” is very very funny to me.
Though I vote Naruto does this with Sasuke because boy is barely able to keep himself alive most days with all that bitter need for therapy and would absolutely forget to water a real life plant.
The Uchiha are torn between laughing and crying because this little shit is the one they all died so he could live.
Wait
Dogs can see ghosts.
Pakkun comes to the apartment for the first time to ask Naruto to babysit Kakashi’s new plant daughter and nearly loses his mind because why the fuck are there so many dead people here INCLUDING SAKUMO who even if Kakashi didn’t have the summons yet they would still eventually know of him.
Naruto has to bribe all of the ninken into not telling with the most belly rubs because boy cannot afford to feed them for their silence even with Kakashi’s complete lack of understanding of how much money is reasonable to watch a houseplant for three days.
#the elf talks#naruto#kakashi is essentially tossing a hundred dollars at a child to water his plant for maybe a day depending on the plant#(his way of making sure Naruto has things he needs like food and more plants)#the yamanakas adore Naruto tbh#also I’m so used to anything ghost related being Izuku so the number of times I have mixed up my sweet haunted sons#ghosts and greenery
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so your random crackship mention of Pakkun/Tora reminded me that i dont know if ive told you about this AU yet and im gonna in case i have not!
basically, i took Tora's moniker of 'Demon Cat' and said 'wait, Matatabi!'
so Tora is Matatabi's daughter from pretty soon before the whole 'bleehhhh, put all the Bijuu into humans!' thing went down, so she doesnt know much about the other Bijuu (never met them) and thus when she finds Naruto, she just knows Feels Like Mama, and goes ADOPTION.
Naruto is a complete and utter Feral Little Shit who can shapeshift into a FoxCat (which he picked up by watching Kakashi shapeshift to/from his Wolf form), use the Great Fireball (bc Matatabi and Indra came up with it together and thus Tora knows it), and becomes a therapy animal to The Fucked-Up People that are ANBU and others he can sense (bc he Feral and ended up with Kurama's emotion sensing).
this includes people like Kakashi, who is actually doing okay by the time Canon starts.
Itachi, who, as a result of having someone to talk to (even though he doesnt know that the FoxCat can talk back), goes about shenanigans differntly, tells Sasuke everything using Tsukuyomi, and gets Mikoto outta there too. (they are oth in the Akatsuki as spies and to get Dickzo to Leave Sasuke Alone.)
Obito, who is of course stalking Kakashi, did NOT participate in the Massacre willingly, and whom Sasuke and Naruto use to get Shisui out of Dickzo's labs (Shisui is also a part of the Akatsuki then, undercover.)
and many others. the Yamanakas are quite pleased that people are becoming more stable.
also Naruto taught Sasuke how to shift (CrowCat) and also teaches Sakura (who is getting her rightful Feralness) (FerreCat shift) how to.
Kurama, meanwhile, is too absolutely bewildered by this mass chaos to be anything more than passingly rude to Naruto (also he did not know that Tora was A Thing, and is like Hey Matatabi The Fuck).
also Naruto rips Mizuki's throat out.
okay I absolutely need this in my life
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Do you mind if I ask your top 10 favorite characters (can be male or female) from all of the media that you loved (can be anime/manga, books, movies or tv series)? And why do you love them? Sorry if you've answered this question before.....Thanks....
Hi! This is an impossible question (i love these questions). Because I fall in love with characters so easily 😅 and I hyperfixate HARD. lol, so if you asked this 6 months ago, or ask again in another 6 months or with slightly different parameters, you'd likely get a totally different list from me. 😂 but I'll give you some of my most current top 10 character loves. And before ANYONE JUDGES ME, I'm well aware these characters being my favorites heavily implies I need therapy... I already know! Also, I'm still fairly new to anime. There is still ALOT I haven't seen. SO in no particular order, some of my top 10 favorites (and yes, I'll probably cheat and name more than 10 if i have multiple favs from one series, im not sorry):
Kaladin Stormblessed/Jasnah Kholin - From Stormlight Archive (Book)
I relate to Kaladins struggle with depression alot, not only that, but his strength and courage and the way he is always ready to step up to help and protect others. Jasnah is a queen, she is such a strong woman and a role model of a character and so wise. And a total and complete badass. Smarter than everyone in the room? Yes. Blow up a man who attempts to mug her? Also yes. 😍
Zuko - From ATLA (TV Show)
The ultimate redemption arc and childhood crush character! A badass, a sweetheart, an asshole but with a caring heart and that endearingly awkward struggle of him trying to make friends. He is just so cool
Itachi Uchiha/Kakashi Hatake - From Naruto (Anime)
I can't pick between them and you can't make me! They are both so OP, so cool, so badass, so dramatic and have the best fight scenes and the ability to make me emotional as fuck
Olivier Armstrong/Roy Mustang - From Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood (Anime)
Roy's revenge arc 😳😍 lol plus we love a badass man who loves the people around him and also doesn't mind knowing when he needs to let the others around him step up! General Armstrong, man idk if I wanted to be her when I grow up or be WITH her. Probably both. She is the KING. She is the toughest in the room. She takes no bullshit. I'm obsessed with her. When her and teacher were working together for a bit? I was in love. Lol
Hua Cheng- From TGCF (Donghua)
Obsessive, protective, will do anything for his love, will be his most devoted worshiper? Takes no shit? Is the strongest MF out there? Soft for the love of his life only? Is it lowkey a little toxic when I put it this way? A little. Lmfao am I in love with it anyway? Yes. He is like the definition of scary dog privilege lmao
Kaz Brekker - From Six of Crows (Book)
He IS the smartest person around and he will let you know about it. And he will pull off the impossible with no one knowing how he did it. He has got plans upon plans. And not only that, but he uses a cane, has a disability, has chronic pain, has the most intense ptsd. And it's written SO WELL and it's SO RELATABLE (the chronic pain part, not the rest of his tragic as fuck backstory) and he is the most insane badass.
Inosuke/Akaza - From Demon Slayer (Anime)
Inosuke is just fucking insane and I love that so much. Lmfao literally child raised by wolves, is a loveable beast type character. 😂 I just want his happiness. And I love that he is an absolute weirdo and also a badass. Akaza is just.... such a good character so far! Lol and don't think that just because he is my favorite, I'm not rooting for the demon slayers to get their revenge! I am! I just also love him and I love how he is also insane, loves being powerful and I just know his backstory is probably going to make me cry. The way this show makes me SOB all the time!
Vin/Kelsier - From Mistborn (Book)
Listen, does Vin suffer as a character from "not like all the other girls" syndrome, yes. Do I LOVE everything about her and how stupidly strong and badass she is anyway? Yes. I also love that the book has HER saving the male love interest and being the white knight too instead of the other way around as per usual. Kelsier is a genius and a madman and a crazy murderer.... and I love him so much. The man has ZERO CHILL AND IS DRAMATIC TO THE CORE. I love everything about that honestly.
Nico Di Angelo/Percy Jackson - From PJO series (Book)
I'm having a hard time explaining myself for all of these and not just repeating "i just love them okay?!" Lol Look, Percy is THAT guy. He is the hero. He is the perfect boyfriend. He is the ultimate crush for everyone in the series. Lol he is loyal to a literal fault. He has the darkness and rage inside him that he keeps leashed and let's out whenever he needs to. Nico is RIGHT UP THERE TOO. The powerhouses these 2 are! Nico is scary and grumpy and adorable and just needs to be loved and they've been through so much and I just need them to have the happiest of endings. Nico deserves the world. He is also scary dog privilege too. He is perfection and speaks deeply to my emo kid heart.
Octavia Blake - From the 100 (TV Show)
I'm forever and Octavia sympathizer. She DID THE BEST SHE COULD WITH WHAT SHE HAD AND SHE SAVED EVERYONE SO MANY TIMES. She was the most badass. The underdog story and the most tragic ending to her romance and even when she lowkey went off the deepend, it was understandable. Lol that's my bitch, and I'm sticking with her!
....
So yeah, they all lowkey are lovable assholes here honestly. No one worry about me please, I'm fine Maybe i just like mean bitches who are hidden softies full of love super deep down 😅😏 Honestly, my husband is the worldest sweetest man ever. I promise my real life taste is not so filled with red flags like 85% of this list is. 🤣🤣 I fully know how this list could look lol
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I have 2
What would be your top 5 of Naruto's couples that you dislike/hate?
What is your honest opinion of Hinata's Character?
*swings door open* Hi anon, sorry it took a minute but I'm here now!
"What would be your top 5 of Naruto's couples that you dislike/hate?"
1. All the pedo/incest ships ofc (especially nejihina and the sheer amount of people who will ship them is greatly disturbing to me).
2. SasuSaku, I'm sorry but in my mind I don't think Sasuke should've had a kid with everything he went through. This dude has literal trauma filling up his being and he literally leaves at the end of the series feeling he needs to seek out redemption. Shit, I don't think he should've been in a relationship at all with everything he was mentally dealing with. I mean ig in boruto he's stepping up, but it doesn't really negate the fact he was still gone from a good chuck of his kid's and wife's lives. Mans needed therapy before needing a wife.
3. SasuKarin and SasuHina, mans was willing to kill one and the only thing he's ever said to the other is "shut up", there ain't no chemistry in either of those!
4. NejiTen, I...just don't see the appeal there. It's such a popular naruto ship but I do not see the chemistry others claim is there. The way this ship is sometimes portrayed by people as it needing to exist so Tenten isn't single, because a female character being single is that bad? It comes off as them seeing Tenten as an accessory for Neji when that just...isn't it. It isn't that great of a ship to me and it comes off as people sticking them together because it was a man and a woman on the same team, which is kinda boring logic.
5. Any ship with Rasa, Jiraya, or Hiashi because those bitches don't need a partner, they need to either get their shit together or get kicked down stairs.
"What is your honest opinion of Hinata's Character?"
TBH I actually don't dislike Hinata as a character, I think she's had some good moments to shine but because she is a woman in naruto she never got more than that (thanks again Kishimoto).
Now a better explanation: I don't think Hinata is a bad character at all, but I think her development became heavily stagnant when shippuden rolled about. I think her writing and character were better in OG Naruto because yea while she did pin after Naruto, she was still her. She still had noticeable potential and a personality that helped her character to be noticed by viewers/readers. She had a steady character development that was at least noticeable, but for whatever reason we almost completely lose this in Shippuden. Now this isn't to say she didn't grow stronger as a character, because through her newer jutsu, war arc, and The Last, we can see her gaining strength isn't the issue. But her character really doesn't seem to develop as it did in OG Naruto, if anything it almost gets a bit worse? It's almost like her pinning for Naruto and a depiction of her simply existing as Naruto's potential love interest gets shoved in readers faces, almost overshadowing her other characteristics. Again, I am not saying she is a bad character at all, but the trauma we saw with her genin years and the development she had is never really pushed more, never really expanded in a way that helps to showcase the Hinata she could've been. Also the love thing is an obvious fumble on Kishi's end because we all know mans can't write female characters or love to save his life (unless you're minato and kushina which in that case was just luck)
#alybur thoughts#thanks for the ask anon!#sorry if some of this doesn't makes sense haha#also sorry if you like any of these ships#my nejinaru brain is picky about other ships#send asks y'all
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SEMIFINALS
HATAKE KAKASHI vs MAITO GAI
Reasons for submission under the cut
Kakashi
relatable as an adult
he is just an overworked guy who was told to watch some kids w LOTS of issues
needs therapy
good presence and guidance in Narutos life
interesting
cares about and is dedicated to his students very much
he is just cool
he is trying his best despite what he has been through in the past
is up for having fun but still knows when to be serious
was a narcissistic shit but grew out of it
has good intentions
sexy
wonderfully complex and well developed character
incredibly resilient and supportive
a sad and deeply broken man
always willing to give his life to protect them and his other precious people
just wanted everything to be ok for once in his life
hated Danzo
his friendship with Gai is adorable
the way he teases Tenzo is fun
he’s known as cool and aloof but in reality he’s a huge dork
Gai would want him to win
Gai
was instrumental in the success of the story - he may not have won against Madara, but he put fear in him and had it not been for hacks, he would have decimated him where no one else could
believes whole-heartedly in his student to the point of dedicating his life to making him a splendid ninja
came from nothing, worked his way up from nothing, and is now considered to be one of the greatest shinobi to have come out of the Hidden Leaf. People know and fear him
made Itachi bail. That man was ready to fight everyone else, but packed it up when Gai came on the scene
kicked Jiraiya in the face and never properly apologized
great salesperson - always has a spare jumpsuit to give to passers-by and hook them on his favorite brand. True influencer and fashion icon
had a bowl cut before it was cool
was a great friend to Kakashi, and was there for him during the highs and lows of his horrifically stressful life. Arguably saved Kakashi's life with his constant support, and the story could not have happened without him. Is considered by Kakashi - one of the most powerful and infamous shinobi in the world - to be his equal and his best friend
loves kids. Supports his own students like he was their father, and equally takes pride in Naruto and protected Sasuke after Sasuke's first run in with Itachi
in the anime, he is shown to be hard on the outside but clearly permissive in that he would sneak Chouji food in the middle of a mission and try to push Naruto into figuring out who Minato was
confident in himself and confident in others - he is everyone's biggest cheerleader and he isn't just talk; he'll work hard with you. When he says he'll do something, nothing will stop him and he will follow his promises even when no one is watching.
hot. Man has pretty privilege
amazing, supportive teacher and friend
he is always trying to be positive in such a dark world and cheer up those around him
he's so good to Lee, Tenten, and Neji, you can just tell how much he cares about those kids
his speech to Lee was super moving. He knew Lee was scared and made sure to be there for him
he was ready and willing to die to defeat Madara in order to save the others
an actual decent upstanding father figure
unbridled whimsy
excellent tits
#the battle between eternal rivals#bestnrtcharapoll#naruto#polls#hatake kakashi#kakashi hatake#maito gai#mighty guy#gai maito#might guy#guy might#id in alt text
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So, i’m only now just watching ep 26 because I lost motivation to listen for a but BUT IM BACK AND HOLY SHIT. So here’s some live reactions to it:
Bit the inside or my lip while eating from laughing at the mental image of Link trying to do a pull up on the shower curtain and just tanking it
Normal is either gonna rock the style at 24 or it’s gonna look absolutely horrific-
THE BOOING FOR SCARY’S INTRO
I gotta hear the Butthole Ricochet album
Real organ dice would be fucking dope as hell
Ngl I genuinely wanna sign up for organ donation just to get those dice
SELL AN ORGAN FOR THE DICE (honestly i would)
Literally just finished ep 25 before starting this and i’m still in shock about what happened.
The mental image of Willy getting the shit beat out of him is so nice.
I DIDNT EVEN THINK ABOUT HERMIE NO MY BOY
You get a mech suit, you get a mech suit, EVERYONE GETS A MECH SUIT. (Except for May)
oh shit may has magic hell yeah
God if I was frozen in place for two months I genuinely would never recover my fucking body would just stop i would never recover from that pain
gotta shake your head yes and nod it no
grant ;-;-;-;-; someone please get the li-wilson boys therapy
father-son bonding: panic attack pacing
Well now I relate to Taylor more because the feeling of having your braces tightened enough to make you lisp is too real for me that shit hurts so much
Taylor getting his life lessons from anime is literally me as a kid
ANIME ISNT REAL THIS REMINDS ME SO MUCH OF UNDYNE AND ALPHYS IN UNDERTALE
Link now canonically has selective mutism in my mind and no one can convince me otherwise
Does Scary even know where the anchors are though because I thought it was only Normal that knew?
“Anyone can walk back from the darkness.” Ayo Will how can you just say these things and not expect me to be IN PAIN
WAIT TERRY NO OH MY GOD I DIDNT EVEN THINK ABOUT HIM KNOWING ABOUT HOLY SHIT
Fucking goof dimension-
THE FART PORTAL
Lark is a mood as always
Sparrow ;-;-;
oh damn Normal-
NOT THE PROBABLY
Aaaaaand end of podcast lmao
Taylor is so fucking extra and I love it so much
ROLL FOR OBNOXIOUSNESS
RUN BITCH RUN
oh shit initiative time
Taylor has 1000% been dreaming of having a break down like that
ethnicity-
Give the white guy the nat 20
FUCKING ICE CLIMBERS IM WHEEZING
LARK ‘THE IMPORTANT ONE’ GARCIA OAK
OOOO ITEM LETS GO
oh shit OH SHIT Y E S
psychologically devastation: the best attack type
Lark has zoomies now
o u c h
LINK AHHHHHHHH
the li-wilson boys need therapy ;-;
oh damn
OH DAMN NO GRANT NO WHY
from nat 1 to nat 20 big up Taylor
OF COURSE HES GONNA NARUTO RUN
yup totally planned difficult terrain
Taylor & Hermie have the best dynamic (still gives me whiplash to know he’s taylor’s uncle)
All hail the whale
MAGIC USER SPARROW
fucking soy boy-
ah yes a kids movie where adults kidnap children
NOT THE EXTRA SOUND EFFECTS
irl dm murder too test the accuracy of an attack is the real dnd life
rip terry ;-;-;-;-;
THE FUCKING CONTENT WARNING
D O M I N O E S
no take backsies
THE PARABLE OF THE ITSY BITSY SPIDER
“anythings a parable if you take the wrong message from it” honestly Anthony do be speaking truth
i’m now evaluating the mental image I had of the whale because for some reason I really have been picturing just like a tiny pokémon sized whale in like a little cuboid fish tank and it’s taken this long for me to be like “oh wait. they said a whale and meant an actual whole ass whale. what the fuck-“
the whale of conflict creation
THE NINJA ROCKS HOLY FUXK (might start caring around ninja rocks in case i ever need to break a whale out of a tank to escape parents trying to stop me from stealing an amplifier with magic)
this entire plan was nearly all for nothing-
i need this episode animated in like a proper tom & jerry style cartoon episode
NATTY 20 HOLY SHIT
this is such a dumb episode i love it
Hermie really said ride or die
Rip the whale
HERMIE NOOOO ;-;-;-;-;
GRIPPY SOCKS
OH SHIT SCARY AND WILLY ARE GOING BIG BROTHER MODE
insight into the mind of taylor swift
BB banana skin marbles gag
ayo is Lark gonna drown-
hermie and taylor drown everyone challenge
LARK’S UNCONSCIOUS IN THE WATER HE’S GONNA DROWN
this episode is so dumb i’m wheezing
GLENN COMING IN FOR THE CLUTCH YES
sparrow please save your brother-
GRANT GOT KNOCKED UP I- what in the DC Joker
LINK JUST HIT PUBERTY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON HIS VOICE FUXKING DROPPED WHAT THE FUCK
i love hermie so much ;-;
THE NO-BETRAYERS CLUB i need merch
link ;-;
oh god what’s gonna happen
somethings gonna happen
JUST TWO CASUAL PEOPLE
OH SHIT WILLY NO
O H M Y. G O D.
TAYLOR
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Battle of the femboys
In which Raiden battles Monsoon. Highly cursed.
Raiden (or I should say Jack) had just woken up and was disappointed that there were no beyblades that "he could let rip". He had just listened to some bionicle looking ass mother fucker go on about the importance of memes. "To hell with this!" he thought. "I'll be damned before I let Jack jr. have a tiktok account and start watching skibidi toilet videos!" Then the next thing he knew, an officer had plunged a weapon into his chest. He let out a small moan. CupcakkeI'mHorny.mp4 starts playing.
"Doktor. Turn off my pain inhibitors." Soon a codec window popped up showing a very confused, elderly german man. He begged Raiden not to go through with the decision but in the end relented. If he disobeys the cyborg than he can kiss those left hands goodbye and that just wouldn't be acceptable. He had already moved once and had reconstructive surgery due to his peculiar "interests". If he turned off the pain inhibitors then he could still live a quiet life.
Jack began to moan ahego girl style like in one of his good friend Hal's japanese animes. Since the patriots had taken away most of his body, the doktor thought that it would be best to use the lack of a crotch area to his advantage. No one knew how the cyborg became aroused without a dick but soon he had a soda stream bottle protruding from his nether regions.
He unscrewed the lid and slid in some mentos and diet coke. After tightening the lid back on, he jerked himself like he was using a shake weight and aimed himself at the remaining officers. Within seconds the cap lifted and shot one of them right in the forehead. "Bullseye!" Jack cried. Then the coke began to drown the rest of them like some sort of bizarre bukkake that Pepsiman would be jealous of. Monsoon could only stare in horror. "You've lost your mind."
They had forgotten Sam was there when they heard "Yeah, I'm sitting this one out sorry." He then double jumped to god knows where. Probably to go get more injections for his gluteus maximus. Jack had forgotten that he still had a sword plunged in his chest. He took it out and licked off some blood. "Mmm. Cherry flavoured."
"I've misjudged you. You are like us after all." said Monsoon. Like Raiden, he also had no dick. He then opened up his crotch plate but instead of a soda streamer it was just a juice pitcher. To be more specific, it was the kool aid man. It then came running into Jack and began to wash him away in the warm and soothing sugary liquid. "OH YEAH!" screamed Monsoon. "AND IT WILL CUM LIKE A FLOOD OF PAIN!"
Raiden managed to grab onto a chunk of a building and fling himself back to World Marshal headquarters. "Man, I haven't seen that much red since the time I forgot to go get Rose her tampons." He sighed. A perfectly good couch had been ruined. Oh well. It's not like he hadn't come home before drenched in blood. They would just tell their son that they were replacing their couch again because of his father's work injuries. At the very least it was better than having to deal with his wife's awful cooking.
Monsoon waited for his return only to stab him with his sais. "Does it hurt?" Perhaps he should have thought about the consequentions of his actions. "HARDER!" Jack cried in ecstasy. The cyborg did a double take (which was an achievement of modern medical science since the man had no eyes) and jumped into the air and did the naruto run until there was a good distance between them.
"Look" he said, "I somehow survived during the reign of the Khamer Rouge and then decided that it would be a good idea to join the mafia, and even I think you need therapy!" Jack glared at him with his one eye. "DON'T KINK SHAME ME! AT LEAST I'M NOT A GIANT, WALKING REFRIGERATOR MAGNET!"
Suddenly Sundowner walked outside of the building. "What in tarnation? Christ, what's takin' yeh so long?" Jack was now walking towards his direction. "Well look if it isn't foghorn leghorn. Stop stealing my trench coat look by the way, you can't pull it off." He then began to rub the cyborgs bald head for good luck. "The fuck!?"
Jack then threw an EMP grenade in Monsoon's direction and began to slash at him while Sundowner watched with morbid curiosity. He then pieced all of him together in the wrong places like some sort of child when you ask them to solve a rubix cube. "HEY! STOP IT! SUNDOWNER WHY ARE YOU JUST STANDING THERE!?" His partner let out a chuckle. "Now what was that thing yer always sayin'? Something about exquisite memes? I think I'll go get my camera!"
Sundowner then came back and gave a smartphone to Jack. "Now be sure to get it just right!" The man had positioned himself so that Moonsoon's body was now a human chair that he was sitting in while he held his comrades head out like he was reenacting Shakespeare. Jack couldn't believe he was doing this. He groaned and then tapped what he thought was the picture button but unbeknownst to him, it was the record option.
"Are we done yet!?" asked an irritated Monsoon. Jack then threw the phone at his head, causing the man to fall out of Sundowner's grip. The Alabama war criminal began to holler. "Damn, I think you could be a good pitcher. You know what? I'm so impressed that I think I'll let you keep em damn brains." Wow. That had been easier than he had expected.
"Thanks baldy!" Raiden then used his ninja run to make it to the top floor. Now it was just the other two cyborgs left alone together. "What did he mean by bald?" Sundowner eyed his parter like he was blind. In fact, he was blind. "Are you telling me yeh can't see my head?" Monsoon rolled his eyes (if he could have). Am I supposed to? Most of my body is artificial you idiot!
Sundowner scratched his head as a realization came upon him. "Wait. Are you telling me... that yer not in fact a girl!?" Now Monsoon was the one that was confused. "What? No! Why would you think that?" His partners jaw was left wide open. "But what about that dainty hair and slim build!" Monsoon cringed. "So a man can't take care of his looks?" He would have been offended had the situation not been so bizarre.
"No, it's just... uhhh... excuse me, I gotta delete some pictures off my desktop..." Monsoon began to scream at the man. "SUNDOWNER! HEY, YOU GET BACK OVER HERE!"
#mgrr#metal gear rising revengeance#mgr#raiden mgr#mgr raiden#monsoon mgr#jetstream sam#samuel rodrigues#Doktor mgr#sundowner mgr#crack fic#shitpost#These men canonicaly have no dicks#they both need therapy#cursed#sunsoon
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