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marshmallowprotection · 23 days

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what do you think saeran’s toxic traits would be in a relationship? like do you think he’d treat his gf well? (ge saeran)

GE Saeran may not be the perfect partner, but to be honest, I don't think we can quantify anyone as a "perfect partner".

Relationships are about working, learning, and growing together. Sometimes you'll say something really dumb or misunderstand your partner without meaning to, and sometimes you'll do something like peel an orange for your lover without needing to be asked because you love helping them!

It's very normal to have a relationship that flows like a river, seeming fast and slow at times, moving through rocks, fish, and sticks, too.

Now, don't let that make you think it's healthy to argument with your partner all the time. Disagreements are healthy in a relationship but not full-blown arguments and spats. You're two different people, even if you love each other, you will run into a wall sometimes, and you get moments where you learn how to concede, compromise, and adapt if and when it comes to that. There's a balance, you're looking for some kind of harmony in your partnership, but it won't always be perfect.

It isn't healthy to assume it's sunshine and roses every day, just like it isn't healthy to assume it's doom and gloom every second. It's about two or more people coming together to make it work, and as long as you have that, as long as you have communication, your relationship will thank you for it. The cornerstone of a relationship hinges on your ability to communicate your needs. If you fall to meet that, it will end up crumbling in some way, shape, or form.

So, what do I think would be unhealthy for Saeran? Well, let's blow this one out of the bag already since this seems to be a problem for many people who talk about Saeran and MC. Did you guys know in the game, V/Rika and Saeran/MC are written to to be foils? Most of all, especially in the case of Ray Route and the RAE. There's a line in which we need to draw when it comes to unhealthy attachment and dependency.

V and Rika? Codependent. They have a hard time functioning without the other even if they're both well-aware they're horrible for the other by the end. Rika feels like she needs V around no matter how much she screams in agony that she hates him because he is her Savior, her God, and her light. V feels like he needs to keep protecting Rika, in part because he doesn't want to hurt someone like he thinks he did to his mother, but because he promised her he would.

Saeran and MC? NOT CODEPENDENT. Saeran and MC work side by side, communicate, and make decisions based on what feels right to them. Saeran's actions don't hinge upon MC telling him what to do in the moment. He asks them for input but he isn't bound by it. MC isn't demanding Saeran do what they want. They tell him to think about all the options he has, and he considers what he wants before they talk it out, discussing pros and cons for everything.

The game lays this out very plainly but some people miss the point in the fact that these dynamics are meant to foil one another and show two sides of the situation and where a dynamic can be healthy and... well, where it goes wrong. Saeran and MC don't need each other to be able to function in life, but V and Rika... they have a hard time with that.

Codependency vs Interdependency.

So, with that being said, what do I think Saeran might deal with in a relationship that's not healthy, but could be worked on?

I think GE Saeran's core struggle will be trying to find a sense of individuality.

But, this is something he's already talked about in the game, and it's something he's willing to work on every day for the rest of his life. It isn't surprising to know that he values the comfort of those around him more than he values himself, but he's learning how to accept that his needs and wants matter just as much. So it's not as if this is going to be something that's happening for a long time since he's already well aware of it, but it's good to point out that it's not only something that he needs to be aware of, but you do, as well. You don't want him to focus on just what you want in life, after all.

I have a hard time imagining him struggling with most things that many people do in relationships just because he's so dedicated to working on himself and being aware of the problems that may spring up within him—it makes it hard to say something that could be toxic. His willingness to be better and to communicate squashes so many traits that can make somebody do something toxic, willfully or not.

Since communication is a cornerstone of any relationship, if there were any problems, he would work on them, and that reduces a lot of the expected "toxic" traits you see. It's so hard for me to say, "Well, he may do this or that," when I know the minute you said something, he would be researching and learning how to curb a bad behavior. He's not trying to be willfully cruel, after all!

Saeran's not perfect, is my point, but if there were any problems, he would work on them.

#mod kait #ask #mystic messenger #anon #mysme #saeran choi #mysticmessenger #mm #choi saeran #ge saeran #saeray #saeran #character analysis #i know it sounds like he's perfect but he's not

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buddy-anon · 8 months

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not the bees!!!

#*2023 #no sound #mysme #mysme mc #mysme seven #mysme 707 #707 #saeyoung choi #mysme fanart #mystic messenger fanart #mystic messenger #myart

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solargeist · 11 days

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cold is the absence of heat tho.. temperature is essentially influenced by how much or how little warmth there is (in simple non-scientific terms) meaning there isn’t really a No temperature option. so is the absence of ‘temperature’ not just ultimately being Super Cold? /genuine question im just science brained today

i dunno, someone else answer this !

#ask #it sounds rather mystical though. If he can just feel Nothing. can't place the temp. The End is weird !#Theres always a bit of ... nonsense in fantasy science #grian trying to explain to martyn that there is genuinely no température in their domaine and hes like. Explain better.

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lilacthebooklover · 3 months

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here's hoping canon doesn't end up shipping any of the fallen heroes with each other because i've already built up an entire found family sibling dynamic for their past selves inside of my head. eternal sugar's the youngest, mystic flour the oldest (shadow milk may seem like the leader atm but his middle child energy is THERE). silent salt takes on the responsibility of keeping the group out of trouble (it's tricky, but they've grown accustomed to their friends' antics). burning spice declares themselves the others' biggest protector (they will throw hands with anyone who so much as glances at their siblings friends the wrong way). eternal sugar & shadow milk are so good at making everyone smile and laugh but also they're absolute gremlins who can and will start a ridiculously extreme prank war on a whim (shadow is not subtle in the slightest and cackles at the top of his lungs, sugar plays innocent while sporting the most devious smirks known to cookiekind). mystic flour is like a mentor to the younger four, the glue that holds them together and the light that guides them towards staying on the right track. spice & shadow regularly fight each other on and off their training grounds as a weird way to show affection, flour & salt pretend to be exasperated but find it endearing, they all value each other so much and share a house together while still protecting earthbread. they're entirely platonic and entirely family and until their soul jam corrupts, they care about each other more than anything <33

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touhoutunes · 1 month

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Title: Eternal Dreams of The Earth

Arrangement: 満天星躑躅

Album: 遊星幻想曲集

Circle: Sounds of Liberation

Original: Eternal Dream ~ Mystic Maple

#touhou #touhou project #touhou music #imperishable night #eternal dream ~ mystic maple #sounds of liberation #遊星幻想曲集 #満天星躑躅 #i was 6 when this album came out. crazy

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cenobi-ravioli · 9 months

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I wanna call this AU The Cost of War but the acronym TCoW sounds weird

#also it sounds like the sound Lightning McQueen makes if u say it rlly fast #rottmnt #future michelangelo #future mikey #rottmnt mikey #rottmnt au #rottmnt future au #mystic mikey #tw body horror #I keep forgetting that tag my bad #he has every disease #he has oven mitt hands what a loser #they could be like beanless cat paws if you squint

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j-almori · 4 months

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m6 as greek gods

(or other important figures in greek mythology)

note: this is more of a ramble than a proper headcanon/au post. and i must say that i am not that sure about all the comparisons — for some of the m6, it was harder to find characters of greek mythology that would resemble them well, and for others i found several characters that are comparable to them in some ways. and i just wanted to indulge in both these interests of mine so here it is

lucio:

ares, the god of violence in war and courage. besides lucio having a violent mindset by default ('kill or be killed', yknow) and most of the time trying to show bravado, which clearly ties to ares' main traits, there is another similarity which lies in how other people perceive lucio and ares: the fact that ares represented all the horrors of war didn't do well for his popularity among the greeks. majority of people didn't like him at all, and he had little respect as a god, often ending up humiliated in myths. it reminds me of how lucio wasn't actually liked nor respected among the people of vesuvia

cronos, the god of time. tbh i myself think this comparison isn't very fitting, but i like the fact that they have some specific parallels in their stories: 1) patricide :); 2) acting selfish and committing atrocities simply out of extreme fear of death; 3) being locked in one place after being defeated (cronos was defeated in war, lucio was.. metaphorically defeated by death. or you can see it as him being defeated by asra when they sabotaged the ritual) without an ability to escape the imprisonment (yes, lucio is again metaphorically imprisoned in the palace as a ghost before receiving external help) (i know the last point is forced but i'll keep it anyways :p)

another character that could resemble lucio is narcissus, but i think the parallels between them are a bit superficial

nadia: athena, the goddess of wisdom, strategy in war, craft. i don't think there's any other more suitable option for her, since they both possess and represent very similar traits. for nadia, war strategy could represent her rational approach to being a leader of vesuvia and her skill for battle and war tactics that are shown in the confrontation with the devil. besides, one of the main symbols of athena is an owl, much like in nadia's case

//about lucio and nadia being ares and athena: ares and athena's contrast in what they're representing in war is, i think, very similar to differences in lucio and nadia's view of leadership, what kind of rulers they wanted to be, and how they used their power to achieve their goals. lucio wanted to affirm his power by brute force and domination above all, punishing even those who help him (e.g. asra's parents), without thinking of long-term consequences. nadia sees that true power comes from strategy, maintaining balance, and a way of thinking that equally considers everyone's well-being.

muriel:

hades, the god of the dead. honestly my first reason for associating muriel with hades is hades' helm of invisibility, which instantly reminded me of muriel's gift-curse. another thing about hades that reminds me of muriel is how hades isn't often depicted in ancient greek art bc of people's fear of him, making his overall image very hazy, much like muriel doesn't leave any tangible memories of himself bc of his curse. they also resemble each other in how they are disconnected from the rest of the 'cast': in hades' case, it's how he's obliged to stay in the underworld to carry out his duty as the god of the dead, making it difficult for him to interact with other gods (besides, he himself doesn't show much interest in the affairs of the overworld); in muriel's case, it's how he also willingly chooses a solitary life in the woods, staying isolated from others

artemis, the goddess of wilderness, healing, purity. (she's also the goddess of hunt but that doesn't connect well with muriel so ignore that). she, like hades, is also a much more reserved goddess who prefers to stay in the forests surrounded only by animals and her nymphs (who are basically personified nature) than to participate in the olympians' drama. i would say that this comparison relies more on the importance of wild nature in relation to both artemis and muriel than on their character traits, since artemis doesn't hesitate to show her wrath and cruelty when punishing someone, unlike muriel

asra:

orpheus. i don't think it's really necessary to explain this choice if you're familiar with the myth

among the olympians, i would say that he resembles hermes the most — the god of roads, travelers, wit, humor, and too many other things to list them all. he has a unique role of a soul guide, who helps souls travel to the afterlife (well let's say that asra would be a soul guide for one particular soul and that he helped them travel back to life than vice versa). i'd say that hermes is a bit too mischevious and trickster-ish for asra, but i like how hermes' function of a traveler between realms fits to asra's magical abilities and frequent travels outside vesuvia.

ok i just realised that there's also hecate, the goddess of magic (!), crossroads, necromancy (!!) and ghosts — all things that asra is connected with, in some way. she, too, is a goddess who travels between realms. besides, people were placing shrines to hecate at the entrance of homes/temples to keep the dead spirits away, which reminds me of asra's protective spells against lucio's ghost. one of hecate's many symbols is a serpent, and, well... asra has faust, so...

julian: it was difficult to find a resembling enough figure for him, but here's what i decided:

dionysus, the god of wine, fertility, festivity, theatre. he's also referred to as a god of resurrection (!), and sometimes is said to be a foreigner (and i think the motif of being a foreigner is mostly present in julian's image, even though most of the m6 aren't native to vesuvia). despite dionysus being a popular god, there's a lot of uncertainty surrounding his origins and true identity, which could be tied to how julian likes to keep a mysterious external image of himself (imo) (and regarding dionysus' identity: he's sometimes said to be hades or zagreus, hades' son, both of which have death motifs, and, well, julian does have some deathly symbolism too)

note: i also thought of some similarities between julian and eros, but ultimately i didn't find this comparison fitting enough

portia:

hestia, the goddess of hearth, sacred fire, family. she is the youngest among children of cronus (after they were freed by zeus). she doesn't have much representation in mythology, being a non-confrontational and kind goddess who couldn't leave her duty of keeping the olympian hearth (therefore not taking part in any godly drama). still, she was very important to the greeks due to her being a keeper of the home and sacred fire: "among all mortals, she was chief of the goddesses." to say shortly, i think all these traits resemble portia very well, with her greatest assets being her caring, considerate and dutiful nature (she's literally responsible for the entire palace!!). and, like hestia, portia carries great importance in lives of the others without causing any drama or creating some aggrandized persona for herself: her sincere friendliness and attentiveness to others are enough for her to be greatly valued.

persephone, the goddess of spring, vegetation, nature (and the underworld but that's not really relevant in portia's case (afaik)). tbh this association is the least supported by facts, i just think portia and persephone have similar vibes

note: i must say that the arcana character whom i haven't gotten to know in much depth is portia, so i'm sorry if her description wasn't accurate enough

✦✦✦

that's all for my rambling today. thank you for reading! honestly this is the first time i'm writing smth like this, sorry if it's a bit all over the place (which it probably is). just wanted to finally write down these associations that have been plaguing my brain for some time now. (and i would be happy to read your thoughts on this too!)

last note: i definitely wouldn't call myself an expert on greek mythology, i mostly relied on my not-that-deep knowledge of it which i got from a bunch of different sources over the years + fact-checked some things while writing this. overall, don't take this too seriously

#the arcana #rambling #count lucio #lucio morgasson #julian devorak #portia devorak #muriel of the kokhuri #nadia satrinava #also i'm kinda anxious about misphrasing something bc i'm not a native english speaker so i'm sorry if smth sounds weird to you 💀💀#AND this probably has been done before but idc :p #the arcana game #the arcana mystic romance #the arcana m6

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natasha-in-space · 1 year

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Safe and Sound

GE!Saeran/gn!reader:

Saeran's love for you was unconditional, just like the promise of happiness you've made to each other in the blooming garden of discord. However, learning to accept that kind of love was not as easy as you thought it would be. While, undeniably, some days were bright and happy... on days like this one, you couldn't help but struggle with your insecurities concerning your relationship.

TW for: feelings of severe insecurity, low self-esteem, depressive thoughts.

There was no doubt in your heart regarding Saeran's feelings for you. No, his love for you was undeniable and unwavering in its affection, even as the warm summer sun would inevitably flow into cold autumn winds and merciless winter storms. After all, after even the harshest of winter comes the comforting warmth of Spring. Such is the rule of all four seasons. And, each new passing season that you've spent by each other's side would only lead to new happy memories for you to look back on and smile as you flip through Saeran's diary whenever he wanted to share his new colorful scribbles with you. The promise of happiness that you two have made to each other all those years ago never faded away with time: it only grew stronger with the soil you've provided through your shared love and patience toward one another even in the darkest of times. Much like nourishing a flower, your love was growing and changing with time.

But... it wasn't Saeran's love that bothered you so much that you barely left the bed throughout the day. The source of your distress was a much more complicated enemy to beat since it was your own mind trying its damnest to make your life as miserable as possible. Some days were better than others. In fact, there were even some days when you felt like you were truly happy: like you could finally see the world for what it truly is, instead of focusing solely on depressing things that would only bring you down. And some days felt like you were living a nightmare. So, like the aftermath of any nightmare, all you could really do was hide yourself away inside of your comfy bed, tucked away in a bundle of blankets and pillows, and hope that it would all pass you soon enough.

You made an effort to shut out and ignore the insecurities and doubts that buzzed inside your head like a swarm of angry wasps, and were determined to destroy the enemy that dares to oppose them. Why did your own brain view its rightful owner as a foe to be tortured like this, you had no idea. But, you had no choice but to deal with it one way or another. Not like you could turn off your own thoughts, even if you wanted to.

It's possible that lying to Saeran was a bad idea rather than relying on him for support during this challenging time. No, it was definitely a bad idea for you to isolate yourself like this, but you did it anyway. You were slowly learning to accept your own shortcomings, to stop punishing yourself for messing up every once in a while, but... today, it seems like all you could do was make one stupid mistake after another. So, you refused to reach out for help, your own isolation serving as a twisted form of self-punishment you were inflicting onto yourself for being so weak-minded. It wasn't healthy, and it wasn't helping you in the slightest.

As you lay there, listening to the clock tick by, you slowly but surely fell into the self-doubt pit that you knew all too well. It was no surprise to you to find Saeran in the center of it all. You hated your mind for twisting the truth like that. However hard you tried to fight it, eventually, you were simply in too deep to get out. These hateful thoughts of yours were like a swamp full of thick tar that would never let you leave unscathed, once you were unlucky enough to fall in. Picking apart every kind word he ever said to you, trying to expose the lies that weren't even there to begin with, convincing yourself that he was just confused... It was painful. You didn't want to do that. You didn't want to do that to Saeran and you didn't want to do that to yourself, either. But, you couldn't help but question this newfound happiness you've found with him by your side.

Did you really... deserve someone as warm and loving as Saeran in your life? Maybe he would have been better off without you and your depressive episodes. After all, he wanted to see the world, to be happy and free... and you were only holding him back from achieving that. What is he getting out of babying you, as if you weren't a full-functioning adult who should be able to take care of themselves just fine? Sure, maybe you did help him sometimes... but, it was all overshadowed by your worst days that he had to withstand by your side.

As you immerse yourself further in the messy blankets, you shut your eyes tightly, helplessly hoping that this pathetic attempt to hide from your cruel thoughts would finally be successful. You hated being confined to your own bed like this, but you hated the idea of getting up even more. On days like these, you tended to avoid looking at yourself in the mirror or... looking at yourself overall, really. Your choices weren't ideal, but you'd much rather spend your day hating your character, rather than your body. So, burying yourself into the blankets up to your nose until you couldn't see much of yourself was the only option that worked best.

It felt like every single thing about you was wrong, both in and out.

But, Saeran viewed you differently. You were his love, his angel, and his promise of happiness. And, even despite your worst traits being at play here, just the thought of his tender smile and soft voice made your chest ache in a much different way than before. You missed him. It felt so silly. You isolated yourself like this on purpose, but here you were, already desperately hoping for him to come in and chase all of your demons away with his warm touch like he always did.

So, so stupid...

As you were about to shed a few tears, the bedroom door swung open, causing you to almost fall out of your bed from shock. Maybe getting so tangled up inside of your blankets wasn't as functional as you initially thought after all. Either way, you were way too embarrassed to show your face, since you didn't have to guess on the identity of this bold intruder of yours. There was only one person in the entire world who could come barging in into your room like this whenever you were having a hard time. Knowing full well how stupid you were behaving, you hid your head under the blanket regardless, staying quiet as the soft pitter-patter of footsteps hurriedly moved closer and closer to you.

Well, 'be careful what you wish for', as they say. Still, if you said you weren't happy to see Saeran close by, you'd be lying. Just knowing he was right there was enough to dull your negative thoughts, albeit slightly. If it wasn't for your inner shame for hiding yourself away from him like this, you would have already nuzzled up close to his chest, seeking the comfort that his closeness would bring you. But... truth is, you felt guilty.

You made a promise to each other that you wouldn't lie about things like that. That you would trust each other to lend a helping hand whenever one of you needed it. And yet, you did exactly the opposite of that. You knew Saeran wouldn't get upset with you for this, but that did not take away your own shame on the matter. Maybe you were being way too harsh on yourself for something terribly small, but you didn't care. It didn't feel right to throw yourself at him for comfort when you were the one who let things get this bad in the first place. It felt fairly selfish even.

You could hear a slight shaky breath from him as he carefully lowered himself onto the edge of the bed, the warm sensation of his palm touching the top of your head that was hidden beneath the blanket making you shiver. Really, you felt even more silly for tearing up at something so insignificant. It wasn't like you to be such a huge crybaby over a small thing like that. It's not like his kindness is something new to you... so why is your chest aching this much?

Caressing your head, Saeran was the first to break the silence between you, not a single hint of anger or disappointment present in his soft voice. "I knew something was wrong... My love, why didn't you tell me?"

You bit your lip, feeling your tears slowly forming an ugly, damp spot on the pillow that you buried your face in. "I told you I was just tired... How did you even know something was wrong? I thought you wanted to plant those tulips you showed me today."

Idiot, what are you saying-?

"I had a feeling that you needed me, and I couldn't stay still, so I rushed to check on you. I'm happy I didn't ignore this bad feeling of mine. I'd hate to know you were suffering all alone like this."

"That sounds like you, haha." You chuckled softly, imagining him dropping everything to run straight to you. It was such a strange phenomenon, this special connection of yours. While you'd like to say you were annoyed by it, it really wasn't true at all. Somehow, by some weird force of nature, you just knew whenever one of you needed someone by their side. It is how you found him by the lake right before his father could do the unthinkable, against all odds stacked against you. And, it's really no surprise to you that it worked in the opposite direction just as much. Truly, it was such a bizarre thing.

But... did you deserve to share such a special connection with someone? This all felt... too good to be true. Too good for someone so dark and bland like you. If you told Saeran this, he wouldn't take it seriously. You didn't know who was right between the two of you. It's hard to figure out the truth when your brain is playing all kinds of cruel tricks to keep you distressed and anxious at all times of the day. And, try as you might to shut out all your emotions in favor of staying rational... It didn't work all the time.

Well... no reason to hold back now. Saeran was already aware that something was wrong, and he would remain by your side until he was confident that you were fine. And, it's not like you wanted him to leave anyway. Call it weakness or clinginess on your part, but you couldn't possibly let go of him now that he was right there for you hold onto.

"I just... I don't know what's wrong with me. I'm fine, you're fine, and everyone else is fine. So... I should be happy, right? I should be bright and cheerful, exploring the world with you. But I... can't. I have no reason to feel so horrible and disgusting, but I still do. And I can't do anything about it! I don't... I don't want to hold you back from your happiness just because I can't even function properly, so... I decided that I should just wait it out on my own this time around. But, heh, as you can see, I can't even do that right." Bitter laughter left your lips in a suffocating burst, being accompanied by a series of hiccups and a new wave of tears now streaming freely down your cheeks. You were glad he couldn't see your face right now. You probably looked really gross, considering that you didn't even leave your bed to freshen up or brush your teeth today. God, you were such a mess. "I don't know what I did to deserve someone so kind and patient like you, but I... I feel like I'm just using you to feel better about myself, and I hate it. I shouldn't be crying like this over nothing and making you pity me. Not when I'm the only one who's at fault here. I don't want to feel like this, Saeran. I... I hate feeling like this. I want to be normal and just- Live my life peacefully. With you. But- But why can't I stop thinking all of these bad things? It's driving me crazy..."

After you released all of this negativity into cohesive words, instead of holding it in until it swallowed you whole, you felt relieved. But, another part of you felt guilty for burdening Saeran with all this pessimistic talk like this. You didn't need to look at him to know that he had a deeply troubled expression on his delicate face. Either way, you didn't try to push him away or deflect what you just said. There was no reason to. His hand momentarily stopped its movement, and you swallowed, feeling the bedsheets shift ever so slightly, as he hunched over you.

The next time he spoke, his voice sounded much closer, making your heart inadvertently skip a beat. "Can I... Can I see you, Y/N? Please. If you don't want to, that's okay, but... you need some fresh air to help you breathe better."

Pursing your lips together, you nodded, clutching the pillow to your chest. You didn't resist as he carefully found his way around the blanket that was wrapped so tightly all around you, you wondered how you even got this tangled up in it in the first place. Finally, after a few awkward movements of your numb limbs, you could feel the weight slipping off of you and fresh air rushing into your lungs.

Wow. He was right. It was definitely way too stuffy in there for you.

Saeran didn't hurry you to get up, but instead sat beside you quietly and gently caressed your back without saying a word while you cried into your pillow. You knew he wanted to say something. The only reason he was so silent is to avoid overwhelming you with his words. As always, he was way too patient with a crumpled mess like you. Either way, his tenderness did motivate you to eventually lift your head up from your scrunched up pillow, sniffling and wiping away at your damp cheeks.

"Do you feel better, my love?" He quietly asked, brushing your cheek with the back of his hand. There was nothing but worry in his bright mint eyes.

Your voice was too shakey for your liking from crying, so you nodded again and leant into his warm touch. You did indeed feel better after getting all of this negativity off your chest, as well as getting some fresh air for you to breathe. But... of course, this didn't mean you were feeling okay in any way. You still felt embarrassed and upset about this whole breakdown, and these heavy feelings wouldn't just disappear any time soon.

Saeran gave you a small smile and now fully cupped your cheek, but he didn't go any further than that. So respectful, as always. He sounded so calm and composed amidst your raging emotions that you automatically hang onto his every word, like he was your lifeline. In a way, he truly was. "Good. I'm sure it was painful to keep everything bottled up like that... Do you want us to talk about these feelings you're dealing with right now?"

"I think... I might be too tired for that. But... We can talk about this tomorrow morning. Maybe." You mumbled awkwardly, feeling a bit self-conscious about the prospect of discussing this incident any time soon. Saeran was right, though. You two needed to talk about it, or things would only get worse, not just for you, but for him as well. It was unusual. Accepting someone's love and care like that, as well as being so open with your inner struggles. But, you did want to try. If not for yourself, then for Saeran.

Sniffling the last of your tears away, you did your best to keep your focus on the young man beside you instead of any insecurities still buzzing around inside of your head. "And... I'm sorry. For not telling you anything right away. I should've-"

Before you could finish your thought, he gently kissed your forehead and now his other hand was also cupping your other cheek. All you could do was gasp, feeling your heart pick up the pace from such a lovely gesture. Leaning back, he rested his forehead against your own, steering all of your attention back onto him and him alone. You could see how much he wanted to say: it was all written so clearly on his features in the dim lighting of your bedroom.

"There's nothing to apologize for, flower. I know you're not ready for us to talk about this now, but... It's okay to not be okay sometimes. My love for you does not require you to be someone else or do anything you don't want to do. We can figure it out. Not because we have to, but because we want to. I love you as you are, just like you love me as I am. I know it can be hard to believe in that sometimes, especially when all love you've experienced before was conditional... But, we can take it at one step at a time. Together. We have all the time in the world now to love each other and ourselves as we are. And, I'll be by your side on every step of this journey, holding onto your hand tightly whenever you need me. That's what we promised to each other, right?"

You had faith in him in your heart. He wasn’t saying this out of mere pity or any sense of obligation to you... No, those were his earnest thoughts and feelings he decided to share with you on his own accord. It was okay to mess up sometimes, and it was okay to have bad days. Saeran had his low moments just as much as you did, you knew that fact all too well. You never judged him for that. You never judged anyone out of the RFA for having bad days of their own. So, why should he do that to you?

Maybe... you let your inner demons get the better of you today. It's not a good idea to punish yourself for that, though. After all... the thought of you being a burden unworthy of love wasn't planted into your head on its own. It was simply easier to justify the hurt you were given by believing that you deserved it, even if it didn't make any sense in hindsight. It was hard to accept that all the bad things you had to endure happened without any grand reason to them. It didn't feel fair.

"...Thank you. I was in great need of hearing something that." You acknowledged, letting out some of the tension that was still in your system with a deep sigh. It wasn't easy. Some part of you still protested and squirmed deep within your mind: demanding to be heard, urging you to throw away his hopeful reassurance and interpret it as nothing but a lie. But, you did your best to ignore it. Thankfully, now Saeran was right here to hold you in his arms, and he was a hundred times better than even your most favorite blanket.

He appeared to appreciate your response, his smile widening ever so slightly before ultimately pulling away. Although, it wasn't long before his hands took hold of your shaky palms, his fingers interlocking with yours in such a simple, yet lovely way. "I'm happy I could help, my love. Now... why don't I help you take a warm bath? I'm sure you feel exhausted. And, it'll be good for you to eat something."

"That would be lovely, Saeran." You said, slowly but surely gaining some of your former confidence back.

Maybe you'll never get the picture-perfect happy ending you've envisioned for yourself in your daydreams. Maybe you'll never be that ideal version of yourself you were striving so hard to be. Maybe you'll never know for sure whether or not you were on the right path in life at all. But, perhaps, your reality didn't have to be ideal for you to find solace in it. This moment in time wasn't perfect or pretty at all, not from a traditional standpoint. And yet, your chest swelled with a warm, ticklish sensation as you sat on the edge of the bathtub, waiting for the water to fill the space and listening to Saeran talk about his day.

Maybe, you didn't need to be perfect to find solace in the little things life offered you, even in the darkest of times.

Even though you had heavy limbs, burning eyes, and a pounding headache to deal with, you found peace, a tired smile slowly appeared on your face. The feeling of Saeran's hands in yours, the sound of his voice, the view of his warm eyes gazing into yours with nothing but care and affection swimming within them... It all felt so imperfectly soothing to you.

#mystic messenger #mysmes #mysme #mm #saeran choi #ge saeran #saeran x reader #ge saeran x reader #tw insecurity #tw low self esteem #tw depressing thoughts #a comfort fic but i really really like how it turned out so decided to post it <3 #also listening to 'safe and sound' made me emotional jftjftht #no thoughts just saeran cupping your face into his hands like you're the most precious thing in the universe

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craycraybluejay · 1 month

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On the next episode of Are Maleness and Sadism Interlinked or Am I Just Weird About My Masculinity and Kink

#my tranny sex mysticism is cooler than your cissy sex mysticism #although gender in general is a construct and everyone ties things to their gender which have little or no #real connection to anything like that #bc gender is identity #clothes are the easiest example but #i think i understand when people say stuff that sounds nonsensical like 'my gender is venus flytrap'#because gender is identity and if its a big thing in your identity you kinda like #connect it to your femaleness or maleness or both neither other #like when a girl fights shes still feminine kicking ass and that doesnt make her any less good at kicking ass #or when a guy does his nails it can very much be a masculine thing for him #its all made up and based on vague feelings and concepts #so sure conservatives feel free to identify as an ak47 you know its not a gotcha #and radfems feel free to keep calling me a monster it makes me hard <3 #but yea like. identity is both complex and simple. its the human condition to identify with things #and i dont think 'neogenders' are particularly new i just think we had different words or no words for that #but people have and always will identify with anything and everything #thats human nature. we mirror and absorb and grow #even twin sisters experience femaleness differently or even call it different things #girlhood or being a lady etc etc #even within the cishet society gender is not as simple as authoritarians would like you to believe #anyway yeah my gender identity is sadistic male aligned freak and other things

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khickuwa · 11 months

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My thoughts on “A Dream of Benji” - Luke’s Fluffy Fuzzy Time Card

so I had the privilege (or the misfortune, depends on how you’d view it lmao /lh) of getting and reading Luke’s new FFT card. I haven't seen anyone talking about it yet, and I have many thoughts about it so.... To anyone who hasn’t read it yet, beware I’ll be discussing spoilers (come back when you’ve read it please I promise you you won’t regret it) and as everyone else probably mention it’s probably best to read this after the FFT event (or at least after completing Benji’s route)

BUT I MUST SAY, this card has surprisingly became one of my favorite Luke cards (in terms of the art as well I mean look at THEM(tm) LAYING DOWN IN A MEADOW OF FLOWER... MISS ROSA LOOKS SO ESPECIALLY PRETTY HERE LIKE) right up there with Luke’s 1st anniversary card “Under the Milky Way” and Luke’s “Shape of You” card. I know everyone is probably saving up for the second anniversary (I really need to save up to I haven’t been playing as much last month) but if you do have the s-chips to get the card like... *grabs you in a chokehold* it’s so good. I promise you it’s really worth it.

Though disclaimer! These are just my thoughts (I’ve been up all night thinking about a virtual dog... Please I Am Not Okay) feel free to disagree! I’ll be discussing about character death and Luke’s illness, so if you ain’t good with that feel free to skip this!

Okay, moving on.

Hoyoverse. What the actual fuck. (YOU THOUGHT IT WAS GOING TO BE A CUTE CARD? CUTE EVENT? TAKING CARE OF VIRTUAL ANIMALS? A FLUFFY FUZZY FUN TIME!?!? WRONG. ABSOLUTELY WRONG.) This whole card was so incredibly devastating and yet it’s so hopeful at the same time. They really hammered in the idea of “inevitability” and “hopeful anticipation” irt actualbird's journal of NXX Investigation Team Behavioral Studies. To me at least, this card is like everything that makes Luke... Luke... condensed into a card.

About Benji (you sweet sweet boy):

Immediately right in the first story, Benji is admitted into hospital and it’s very much obvious that... Benji, a retired 9-year old military dog, doesn’t have much time left.

Benji, obviously, is very much a parallel to Luke Pearce... As I was reading the card, Benji’s situation almost feels like a peek into of what could be Luke’s Future... what could become of Luke. Once great and majestic dog plowing through a vast field of snow, saving hostages along side other agent... now so frail, the wear and tear of old injuries, old age and illness is finally getting to Benji.

...and in Luke’s own words: “Is he still the same Benji from my memories.”

Luke and Rosa decides to take Benji into a dog park, where they hope to give Benji some sort of “freedom”... for Benji to finally some semblance of living life as a normal dog. It still had to be catered in a way that was familiar to Benji... and this is sort of scattered around through out between the event stories and the card. eg. making custom training dumbbells, planning training regiments, recreating a hostage situation. Even when Benji is retired, he's still yearning to go back... eg looking back to the direction of military base. Because in the end of the day, that’s all Benji Knows. His Whole Life has Always Been a Mission to Benji.

Then Mr. Henderson, a man in the dog park who's also grieving about his late dog, who's also a retired military dog. And while Luke was able to open up to this man, as both have/are going through the same grief. But MAN did that interaction cause Luke to spiral downwards.

Even in what I would say Benji’s last moments with Luke and Rosa, the way that Luke had to dismiss Benji of his “duty” this way. (I’m not okay, I’m not okay, THIS DIALOGUE WRECKED ME)

About Luke (ah here we go again):

After being subsequently punched multiple times in the face by “LOOK BENJI/LUKE PARALLELS, LOOK AT IT. LOOK AT IT!!!”

As I’m going “NO BENJI UWAH QAQ” every second through this card... I also can’t help but fear for Luke. It really made me think that... let’s say even if NSB drops Luke the moment he was diagnosed with the illness and three years left to live, I really do wonder if he would’ve been able to cope with it... or otherwise live with himself?

Luke as we know it, has this whole self deprecating deal of avoiding and hesitating happiness. The way I see it, he often times try to make himself seem "small" in a way, that he prioritizes other people's needs first before his own. And I would imagine the last thing he'd want for himself is to become a burden/useless. If one day Luke does retire from NSB, one would think that he'd be free... but not really either. I can imagine him being sort of like "what now?" (i can sort imagine luke entering this phase of adjusting back to normal life when he's back in Stellis. this brings me to the headcanon of luke's... questionable lifestyle is a product of Luke having to readjust to normal life /i’m sorry i made fun of your kitchen and my boy, you probably had to make do what with what you had.)

If think about Luke lying in a hospital bed, nearing the end of his life. I'm Going To Lose It (tm). But looking at Benji all old and sickly... I really can’t help imagine that IF it were to happen, it would probably go down the same way it did for Benji. (I Am Going To Cry)

Anyways, after the conversation with Mr. Henderson, Luke spirals down into thoughts of "if I didn't left you, would things have been different?", “we could’ve been happier, if only I had made the “right” choice. (and I wanna grab him by the shoulders and then scream at him “LUKE STOP BAD >:C”)

About Rosa (YOU GO GIRL SLAY):

NOW, HONESTLY. ROSA REALLY DO SHINE IN THIS CARD. HER RESPONSE TO BENJI. HER RESPONSE TO HER SAD LITTLE BOYFRIEND GRIEFING AN SPIRALING DOWN. THIS IS WHY SHE IS THE MC(TM) AAA

but more than that, this card somehow not only showcase her strengths but also how this somehow becomes a weakness as well (at least to me).

Rosa to me, comes off someone who really looks on straight ahead and her focus on what she can do in the present, in contrast to Luke’s tendency to focus on past regrets and uncertain tomorrows. I would argue that she also has this like- perseverance/stubbornness against adversities and I would say that her solutions also come off as very head on?. (could you imagine having to argue with your lawyer girlfriend, like nah... you ain’t winning for sure.)

(”But that’s for dogs” I’m laughing through TEARS OMG - Luke is Dog-Coded FR) But Rosa in here is really ain’t letting Luke go, forcing Luke to Actually Look into her Eyes and tell her What’s Wrong. (LukeRosa nose booping omg...this is how they comfort each other in my head from now on) Which yes, sometimes I think Luke does need someone who can hold him back before he retreats, but also at the same time... after this exchange, Rosa realizes that it’s not really quite enough to erase his worries. And I think this is also the exact moment Rosa realizes that not all problems could be solved immediately... sometimes you have to let time do its thing and just.. sit with it.

(Rosa calling in an animal psychologist... like did she just searched on up in the internet for consultation like pls Rosa) In Story 5 (I’d put in every screenshot from this part if I could), we go on the Benji’s “rescue mission”, I kinda enjoyed how Rosa does fumble a bit here and there... though with good intentions, perhaps the overly familiar environment was over-stimulating to Benji? which caused him to attack Luke somehow... But anyways... It seems that Benji still thinks that he’s on service and it’s not when Luke “dismissed” him of his “duties does Benji stop and Luke, just so full of grief, wondering why Benji couldn’t just forget the past. And Rosa really isn’t holding back with her words when she says:

“Why does Benji have to forget the past?” “

Have you ever thought that perhaps Benji is proud of himself for being a military dog?”

“You said before if Benji wasn’t a military dog, he could probably lead a happier life.”

“But Luke, you and I are not Benji, We can never understand Benji’s true feelings.”

“And we can’t just make wild guesses about whether Benji would have ended in a better situation if he had made a different choice...

“Because it will never happen”

Because it will never happen....

MISS ROSA I-

“But how are you sure a “perfect and flawless” choice exists in this world”

“Luke, are you sure that if one makes a different choice, one’s ending will be better?”

I just really love Rosa for this because she just so... incredibly focused in the present and taking one’s autonomy. And this is probably so reassuring to Luke (and to me) cause she’s basically saying “regardless of what happens, we will be fine.”

And I don’t think Rosa has ever blamed Luke for leaving, for having a dangerous job, nor for getting diagnosed with only 3-years left to live. SHE JUST LOVES HIM SO MUCH OUEUEUEUEUOOO!!! Even. EVEN. if Luke’s condition does turn for the worse, I really do think that Luke is in very VERY capable hands. AND THAT’S SO REASSURING TO ME? As much as I Really Don’t Want Luke to Die (Please Find A Cure For Him), but just the thought that Rosa is going to be there for him (just as he will be there for her) regardless of whatever happens to the both of them, it will always be the “best ending”.

I’m just so happy that Rosa’s answer to Benji’s case is really just to ensure that Benji lives the last few days of his life... happy. and IT’S SUCH A ROSA ANSWER PLS... Even with Luke as well, even with knowing all the risks of staying with Luke, she’d rather make the most out of the remaining time they have. But even so, she’s still so full of hope! “As long as we’re not at the end of the path, there’ll be boundless possibilities”

Luke is the Definition of Devotion, BUT CAN WE TALK ABOUT ROSA? It’s so subtle, but I really can’t deny that Rosa does really really really love Luke too, in a way that she’s going to be there for him... for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, until parted by death. (HOLDS THEM BOTH IN THE PALM OF MY HANDS UUUUUOEOEOOEOE)

When Benji finally passes away peacefully in a quiet afternoon, with Luke and Rosa at his side, I really do think that this is the best ending for him. RIP Benji, you were the goodest boy.

#tot spoilers #chika rambles #Luke Pearce #lukerosa #tearsofthemis #on another note: luke's voice acting here. HEART WRENCHING.#i'm using korean dub #cause luke sounds the most gentle in korean to me at least #also reliving mystic messenger vibes...#but whenever his voice breaks i just wanna cry with him #anyways have I told you guys that I love them so much?#I love them so much #this almost sounds like a sponsored ad for Luke's FFT card but #omg it's so painful but so good #forgive me for any grammar mistakes/typos cause i really didn't structure this in anyways it's really just everything in my head plonked #down to the keyboard as i smash the keys with much much emotions

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