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misschimotosuwa-blog · 1 year

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Dr Yun Yun at it Again

Genre: hurt/comfort

T/W: none

A/N: yeah idk where this fic went but it's ok I guess

That's why I'm stricter with you

Today – you made a mistake.

You were trying to do the right thing and make the best food you could – just like Yun taught you – but you took it too far.

You tasted raw ingredients to make sure when they were done cooking – they'd taste just right – bad idea

Later in the day you felt fatigued and heavy for some reason.

"Did I work too hard today?" You thought to yourself.

Then

It dawned on you

The raw ingredients

The raw ingredients were making you feel heavy and out of sorts.

You did your best to hide it as you helped carry firewood back into camp.

But someone in the group knows you better than anyone – and can sense any change in behavior – that someone, is Yun.

As you headed back to camp carrying the firewood your arms felt heavier and heavier and your head grew fuzzy. But you did your best to shake it and preservier!

Little did you know

Someone was watching

"Sin ah – can you carry (Y/N)'s firewood back to camp?"

Huh?

You looked back and to see who said that

Yun was staring at you with severity and concern

Sin ah took your portion of firewood and continued back to camp with Ao, while you and Yun stayed back and stood in the middle of a field.

(Wh… why… why did he make Sin ah take my firewood… why is he staring at me like this)

Yun just stood there with his arms crossed with a furrowed brow.

(Aw jeez… he's onto me isn't he)

Yun took a deep sigh – vocal enough that you heard it loud and clear at your distance.

"(Y/N)... I've told you time and time again to watch your health! What did you do this time?"

"Urp… you mean .. you could tell? That I'm unwell?"

"Idiot! Of course I'd notice!" Yun yelled at your face then turned his head and grew red. "I …". Yun cut off what he wanted to say and grabbed your hand leading you towards camp in a hurried pace.

You passed Yona and Hak – they tried to say hi but you were instantly pulled into Yun's tent.

"Lay down"

"Ah… ok…"

You laid down feeling so nervous that you had inconvenienced him and gone against what he had advised.

A gentle hand grazed your forehead as your eyes met with his.

"I knew it… a fever…" he sighed "how did this happen (Y/N)?"

"I.. well…" you looked away nervously "I just wanted… to be a good cook like you!"

"Eh?"

"I… tasted raw food.."

"...idiot!"

You shuttered at his use of language as you noticed his eyes water.

"Yun I… it's really not that bad… I'm just… fatigued is all…"

"You don't get it!" Yun's voice cracked a little as he shouted. He grabbed your hand and buried his face in your stomach "I.. can't… I… don't want anything to happen to you. I don't want to lose you. That's why…"

"..why?.."

"Why I'm stricter with you!"

Your tummy ached as you looked up at him with hazy vision. You rested your hand on his cheek and smiled. "Hey… it's ok… I'm not planning on leaving anytime soon ~"

Yun cleared his throat and looked away

"R-right well anyways! I'll get to treating you now" he said flusteredly.

You smiled gently through your hazed expression as you watched the sweet boy prepare medicines and such.

#yona of the dawn #akatsuki no yona #yun x reader

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rayofsunas · 3 years

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s/o has bad cramps.

A/n: hi everyone! I hope your day is going smoothly today <33 zhongli’s is short, because idk how to write for dude, sorry lmao :0 to the anon who requested this thank you and enjoy!!

Summary: s/o has bad period cramps.

Parings: Diluc/Fem! Reader, Xiao/Fem! Reader, Zhongli/Fem! Reader

Warnings: fluff, periods

Word count: 1.1k

Diluc

you returned home in tears one day and he really thought you were dying

he thought you’d gotten so badly hurt, you were on the brink of death

especially when he sees you holding your stomach, hunched over

“love what’s wrong? are you alright?

he doesn’t know what to do tbh

honestly, he’s clueless

even more so if you’ve run out of herbs to soothe the pain

Diluc will have to ask around Mondstadt about what the best remedies for cramps are and where he could find some

let's just say it’s embarrassing for him, but all the women he’s asked (Lisa, Amber, even Jean) think it’s absolutely adorable

he cares so much and he truly wants to help you, it’s so sweet!

Lisa was the most helpful; giving Diluc names of a few different bath salts and a herb that helped ease the pain

Amber had given the same information as Lisa, though saying that the bath salts were your best bet

Jean was NO help, she explained she typically powered through the cramps if she had any

what a LEGEND ughh

let's be honest, Kaeya knows everything, so it wasn’t a surprise when he showed up at your place, with the herbs you needed

but Diluc was still confused as hell

one, how did he know you needed the herbs?!

and two, somehow Kaeya knows more about it than he does and he’s like !?!?!? HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE?!

“Women on their periods are like demons. She’ll wanna rip your head off and jump you at the same time.”

HOW DOES HE KNOW THIS INFO

that’s all Diluc wants to know, HOWWW

when Diluc returns home with all the stuff, he’s more than happy to help run a nice bath for you and add the bath salts, give you the herbs with a nice cup of hot tea, and help you get settled in bed

tbh, he doesn’t mind if you complain or whine about the pain, it’s just another thing he can’t judge you for

it’s natural and uncontrollable

the best thing he can do, is be there for you and help you no matter what

Xiao

if your cramps are period related, sorry but Xiao is lost af :0

he’s used to the usual muscle aches and cramps from strain in battle, etc. he’s not human, but he can still feel some variants of pain

considering you’re his first lover, he has no experience with periods and the unfortunate pain that can come with it

the two female Yaksha he once worked beside never had this issue so he’s even more out of the loop

when he sees you crying about the cramps, at first he’s blunt and a little rude

“why are you crying? are humans seriously this weak...”

trust me he means well, it just came out all wrong

but then he thinks about it again and how harsh he sounded

he knows you wouldn’t cry about nothing, so this is pretty bad

the very first time he experienced your period was when you had asked for a change of pants and underwear

he blushed the tiniest bit when he realized he’d have to go into your underwear drawer and grab you a pair

he’s much more comfortable now, but back then? you had only been together for a little over four months and you were both taking things slow

he’d never seen your underwear or had been intimate yet, so he was shook af

though, Xiao didn’t think much of it and kindly did as you asked

but when he stepped into the bathroom and spotted the bloody pants and underwear on the floor?

sheesh, he can only think of one thing

“are you dying?”

he really thinks you’re dying also, like WTAF Y/N WHY IS THERE BLOOD ON YOUR CLOTHES?!?!?!

but nah, you just had a little accident ;-;

“no, not literally. but figuratively, yes.”

poor boy, he’s seen so much blood in his lifetime... his own, his friends, strangers, but it hits different when it’s from you

“what’s going on then?”

“i’m on my period.”

“period?”

“yes. do you know what that is?”

“something I figure only mortals go through.”

“yes, unfortunately, only women...”

“how come I never knew this...”

“it never came up?”

despite being clueless, he learns very quickly over time, that you’re “delicate and fragile” most during your period

he figures basic herbs and pain medicines can do the job, but if they fail?

he’s there to rub any sore spot

naturally he doesn’t have much to say, so he’ll comfort you physically

he’ll ask, “where does it hurt?” and get straight to work as soon as you respond

backrubs? you got it

tummy rubs? he’ll help you, just find a comfortable spot in bed

personally I believe physical affection may be Xiao’s preferred love language; so he definitely gives the BEST tummy/back rubs :)

Zhongli

“are you alright, dear?”

Zhongli noticed it immediately

that you were holding your lower back as if you’d strained yourself in battle or something strenuous

“yeah, just cramps.”

he’s been around for a LONGGGG time and he knows humans well, so he’s no stranger to periods

he KNOWS exactly what to do

and he’s on it as soon as he hears the words “period cramps”

he knows all the best remedies, maybe even some you’ve never even heard of from “ancient times” as you liked to call it

“are you sure this still works?” you ask seriously, though there’s a hint of teasing behind your words

“humans have evolved a lot.”

“not that much, darling.”

don’t worry, you’re in the best care with Zhongli

he may be broke af, but he somehow always manages to get you the best of the best :)

he’ll do anything you ask, get you anything you want, no matter what

Zhongli will get all the best stews and sweet treats he can possibly find in Liyue, trust me

he may coddle you a bit too much, tbh

if you need to go somewhere, he figures he may as well carry you

excellent piggyback rides btw

like, you’re already in enough pain, don’t put pressure anywhere else

that’s how he sees it

plus, he just naturally wants to take care of you

he does mean well, even if he smothers a bit too much

period cramps hurt a lot, he’s never experienced them obviously, but he can only imagine how bad they are

at the end of the day, he’s the one who’s going to dote over you most

he knows exactly what to do and has basic knowledge on where to get the things to help you feel better

you’ll be in the best hands ever, trust me

2.19.21, rayofsunas

#rayofsunas #genshin impact #genshin #genshin impact scenarios #genshin impact imagines #genshin impact x reader #diluc #diluc x reader #xiao #xiao x reader #zhongli #zhongli x reader

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fbfh · 4 years

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magnus chase relationship and intimacy hcs

I genuinely found zero magnus hcs and it made me really sad

Also might not be as in character as my hoo posts cause I haven’t finished the series my library is closed don’t come for me-

As with all steamy/nsfw works, all characters are aged up to 18+

Warnings: moderate descriptions of ptsd symptoms and emotional recovery,, also like boinking and dicks obvs

1.6k words uwu

‘,:)

So he absolutely definitely has ptsd

I don’t remember norse demigods being mentioned as having adhd and dyslexia so correct me if I’m wrong lol

I mean his mom was brutally murdered, he was fucking homeless, then he was killed and taken to valhalla

So yeah

Ptsd

He’s really defensive and jumpy at physical contact for a while

But he’s also incredibly touch starved

He’s super whipped for you

So it makes him really frustrated when he wants to be affectionate and vulnerable with you but he just,,, can’t

He has a lot of emotional walls up too for obvious reasons

You have to have really clear communication with him

Which you do,, and he appreciates it a lot

You baby step into affection and intimacy

And let him take the lead a lot

It takes a while

But after a bit he gets these bursts of affection where he’ll cuddle and make out with you for like

Five minutes or less

Then it starts to feel weird again

You try to do small stuff like hand holding or blowing him a kiss or putting your head on his shoulder to help melt that ice

And it works

It goes from feeling weird, to weird but nice, to nice but kind of weird, to nice enough to ignore the weird part

As soon as he can be,,, he is an affectionate fiend

He likes to bear hug you a lot

He keeps a hand on your cheek or jaw line or the back of your neck when you kiss a lot

He still gets a little weird about his back or stomach or neck being touched which you totally understand

So you kiss his shoulders and collarbones and run your hands over his chest and arms a lot

Once he had a really bad dream and couldn’t sleep cause he didn’t feel safe bc

~‧₊˚; *‧.₊˚ flashbacks fucking suuuuuuck ~‧₊˚; *‧.₊˚

So you played some home renovation show and spooned him and whispered

“It’s okay, I’ve got your back”

He didn’t have anymore nightmares that night

He really likes back hugs after that, as long as he knows it’s you behind him

He gives really nice kisses

It’s like a big full kiss

Idk how else to describe it but it’s very unique to him

He’s super protective over you still in a healthy way

He’s super fuckin pansexual and you can pry that from my cold dead hands

So he has a lot of hoodies and denim jackets

And bracelet stacks and weird dad thrift store shirts

And you can get him more of these things no matter how many he has and he will love it an equal amount

Which is a lot

He gets kind of insecure and feels bad about all his weird symptoms bc he minimizes what he’s been through a lot

It’s kind of a why can’t I just get over it and be normal feeling

You remind him a lot that it’s okay and his feelings and experiences are valid and he’s safe now

He needs to hear that a lot

Once a lot of that ice has been broken he gets really touchy really fast

You two were just like

Chilling on the couch watching a movie or something

And he nuzzles into your side to cuddle

So you lay down a little more and he rests his head on your chest

You keep watching the movie like that for a while

He props himself up and just kind of looks at you for a minute

He can’t remember feeling this warm before he met you

And now he feels really really warm

And tingly

You’re about to look over and ask if he’s alright when he just

Presses his face into your neck and starts kissing you

You let out this breathy flustred little laugh he’s never heard before and he wants to make you make that sound again

He kisses up to your face and his hair is all in his eyes

So you brush it out of the way and tuck it behind his ear and his face nuzzles into your hand

He bites back a moan

You end up making out a lot

Which leads to,, other things

You don’t question it or ask where that came from

You just give him a lot of love and reassurance

Once he feels comfortable,,,, I hope you’re ready bitch

Cause you’ll be under him

And on top of him

A lot

Like a lot lot

He doesn’t have a lot of experience so he likes it when you take the lead

Big fan of showering together

I almost fucking forgot

He thinks you look hot in everthing obvs

But if you wear his boxers

He goes apeshit

If you wear bras he likes the unlined sheer ones best on you

He also thinks you look really nice in boyshorts and cheekies

Esp the invisible microfiber ones

He likes how soft they are and how they just kind of seamlessly glide over your hips

If you play with his hair he practically starts purring

If you tug it really gently he moans

Just thought you should know that

Things get really intense in a good way with him

He gets very caught up in the heat of the moment

Has broken the bed before

And would do it again

Blitz and hearth almost walked in on you two cause they heard a loud crack and thought someone broke in

It was a very very close call

You laughed about it a lot later

He also likes things to be really soft and fluffy

So sleepy morning sex is definitely in his vocabulary

When he gets more comfortable he loves when you rest your head on his tummy and he can play with your hair and touch your shoulders

He also likes when you have your hand resting on his lower back

He finds it really grounding

Gives a lot of back hugs

Sometimes his head is resting on your head or shoulders

Sometimes he’s sucking on your neck

Just kinda depends yk

Really really likes it when you straddle him

Esp when you play with the hem of his clothes

You really really like to straddle him too

It’s a nice seat if you get what I’m sayin

Kind of wants to have shower sex with you but is also really scared of slipping and getting hurt

Settles for romantic bubble baths instead

Kind of stubbly, esp in the morning

It’s really cute

But kind of ouchie on more,,, sensitive areas

He’s usually fine staying a little stubbly, unless he’s planning to surprise you

You get a little excited when you see him shaving extra carefully

He sees you staring and just kind of looks you up and down and winks

Alksdjafskfja

He likes having his hair longer

So do you

So you show him different ways to do little buns and stuff to keep it out of his face and stop it from getting tangled when he sleeps

Ngl you haven’t lived until you’ve seen magnus hard in his boxers kneeling over you hastily throwing up his hair so you can have some fun

That image is thankfully burned into your retinas for all eternity

You get palpitations thinking about it

You’re the only one allowed to play with his hair or call him maggie/mags

He sometimes borrows your scrunchies and it’s really really cute

You end up with this little routine of swapping them when they stop smelling like the other person

If you don’t wear scrunchies you get him some and he thinks it’s adorable

You also steal them and swap them out when they don’t smell like him anymore

He loves having picnics outside with you

Especially to go stargazing

Yeah rooftop picnics are a thing

Plus people can’t really see what you’re doing and no one really goes up there so uh

As long as you can stay quiet you’re never bored

Sometimes when you’re stargazing his hand will just kind of gradually go from resting on your hip to wrapping his arms around you and having you lean against his chest

You sometimes raid the fridge together in the middle of the night

You took him to mcdonalds at like 2am once

It was not the last time that happened

Totally the type to love getting matching pj bottoms with you

Really loves it when you hold his hand with both of yours

It makes him feel really loved and masculine in a good healthy way and generally good

On days when he just Needs a Distraction you try any hobby or activity you can get your hands on

His favorites so far are painting each others nails, random online flash games like papa’s, finding the best climbing trees (weather permitting), and binge watching and reviewing the weirdest shows and movies you can find

Including but not limited to flava of love, josie and the pussycats in outer space, lightning point, and clone high

The movies are usually really low budget, or questionable teen romance movies like twilight, sierra burgess is a loser, the kissing booth etc.

You still quote clone high to this day

He’s very excited for the reboot me too, magnus, me too

Doesn’t stop clowning on TJ bc of it

TJ has no fucking idea what he’s talking about

“For the last time Magnus, I’m just named after him. I’m not a clone. I don’t know John Kennedy or Abraham Lincoln, and how could I possibly know Cleopatra??? Where are you getting this from, you understood this like a week ago-”

He really likes just kind of hugging you from behind and smooching wherever he can and swaying back and forth

Tells you he loves you a lot

Really really grateful you’re in his life

Does everything he possibly can to be the best boyfriend

Cause you deserve it

Did i mention he loves you a lot lot lot

Cause he really does

Treat him right, give him a lot of love

He also blushes really easily shhh

#magnus chase #magnus chase x reader #magnus chase headcanons #magnus chase dating would include #magnus chase smut #mcatgoa

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flokive · 4 years

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lie to me II - Youngblood

description: part two of my internet bff au featuring ashton irwin // the fight between james and elisabeth left liz feeling lonely and numb. it doesn’t really help that her best friend, fletcher, really wants to know what happened and wants to help, even though he lives in australia and liz lives in europe... writers note: yay! in honor of soft!ashton thursdays here’s the second chapter of lie to me :) don’t really have a lot to say, just a quick thank you to my loves @ashtonsos and @easierlftv for proof reading this <3 // enjoy! hope y’all like it, and, please, don’t worry... fletcher will be more prominent in the story soon... wordcount: 1358

“Remember the words you told me, love me 'til the day I die Surrender my everything 'cause you made me believe you're mine Yeah, you used to call me baby, now you calling me by name Takes one to know one You beat me at my own damn game”

---

fletchersthoughts

liz? hello? well, you sure know how to get a man eager with anticipation…

...

umm, earth to liz? where are you?

…

ok, i’m starting to get worried. liz???

…

liz, please just message me back. i have got to get some sleep, it’s almost 3am here… love you!!! bye

Liz has been sitting on the floor, numb and empty until her thoughts are interrupted by the smell of burning sauce. As quick as she possibly can, she jumps to her feet and turns off the stove, watching the steam escaping the now blackened pasta sauce. Too tired from the fight to clean up the kitchen mess, she leaves the saucepan on the stove, cracks the window to let the bad smell escape the kitchen, and plumps down on the couch, feeling numb and unable to do anything else.

Liz jolts awake, the sudden movement making her wince. A quick glance at the clock informs her it’s 3 am, the outside world is dark and cold, apart from the spots on the street that are lit up by the street lights. The house is quiet, Liz calls for James, her voice echoes in their empty apartment, and no one responds. He’s still gone and she’s all alone again. A lonely yet guilty feeling washes over Liz as she closes her eyes and rubs her neck, trying to ease the pain caused by the weird sleeping position on the couch. As she slowly rises to her feet, a sad sob leaves her throat when she looks at the kitchen mess. Quickly she turns off the kitchen lights, trying to ignore the mess and the guilt that comes with it. If she just did something else this night, if she just ignored Fletcher this one time, none of this would’ve happened. In the dark, the apartment feels even colder than it did before, maybe even more terrifying than before. Liz rests her head against the doorframe that separates the kitchen with the hallway to their, maybe now only her, bedroom. When she slowly opens the door to the master, her eyes meet the mess James created. Clothes are flung everywhere, a picture frame lies on the ground, the glass shattered and James’ bedside table is cleared. With tears burning in her eyes she tries to pick up the pieces of the picture frame, carefully to let the sharp glass cut her hands, a sad sigh leaves her mouth when she puts the glass shards on her bedside table. She slowly seats herself down on the bed, holding her head between her hands. Salty tears stream down her face when she thinks about everything that’s been said and done. The thoughts if she could’ve done anything different re-enter her mind as she lays down, dragging her blanket over her head, trying to just forget the world for a moment.

The first thing Liz does when she wakes up is checking her phone, wondering if James has sent any messages since their fight last night. Her inbox is empty, apart from Fletcher’s seven un-read messages she chose to ignore last night. She clicks on the bolded notification and reads them slowly, after staring at the words for a while she decides to not reply yet, not wanting to talk about the events of last night. Since it’s Saturday and Liz doesn’t have anywhere to go she ends up scrolling through her Tumblr dashboard. Reblogging every sad quote she reads. A small smile appears on Liz's face, remembering how her 17-year-old self would’ve been doing the exact same thing, laying in bed, scrolling endlessly through the same site, using it as some sort of coping mechanism. Her phone chimes and on top of her screen a new message from Fletcher appears. Liz closes her eyes, takes a deep breath, and decides to finally reply.

fletchersthoughts liz?? i see you reblogging, i know you read my messages so i KNOW you’re awake. please just give me some sort of sign of life, please?

queenliz hey fletch im sorry busy night, james didn’t feel good returning from work we fell asleep early

The lies are bad and Liz feels guilty for lying to her closest friend but she just can’t handle talking and thinking about the events of last night. Her phone chimes again, knowing it’s Fletcher, she decides to ignore him once again. Hoping he would get the hint and leave her alone today. A rumbling sound from her tummy interrupts her thoughts, reminding her she hasn't eaten a thing since last night. Liz changes yesterday's clothes for some comfy leggings and a black crewneck sweater. Before leaving to get some breakfast, she washes the mascara stained tears away, grabs her wallet, and leaves the damned apartment.

Liz makes her way to the local coffee shop, orders a big iced coffee, a freshly baked croissant and strolls back home. Whilst munching down on her breakfast she looks at the city waking up. The events from last night fresh in her brain Liz decides to take the long way home, through the park, trying to clear her brain and understand everything that happened last night.

Halfway home, Liz plumps down on a wooden bench and starts to pick apart the last bit of her croissant, throwing some it at some doves in front of her. The peaceful sounds of the park finally give her time to process the events of last night. Every word, every action that happens plays in slow-motion in her head, it’s like she’s watching a really bad movie but she can’t find the remote to switch the channels. A feeling of guilt and sadness gnaws in her brain when she thinks how badly she treated her best friend. How bad her lies were, how she bluntly ignored the man who has always been there for her. Slowly she takes her phone out of her pocket and opens the last unread message Fletcher send her, saying he doesn’t quite believe her, and she starts writing an apology.

queenliz so... you’re right, i kind of lied to you this morning… we didn’t really fell asleep early last night we had a fight, a horrible one, i might add i think god fletch, i think we broke up..

Liz looks up from her screen, tears forming in her eyes, making her vision blur. She quickly wipes away the tears before they spill over her cheeks. With shaking hands, she continues explaining what happened the night before. As per usual, Fletcher doesn't take longer than a minute to reply.

fletchersthoughts he did WHAT?! he threw a fucking glass at your head? what the fuck was this guy thinking?? liz... fuck…

queenliz i’m okay fletch, really don’t worry about me, i didn’t get hurt so it’s fine

fletchersthoughts you didn’t get hurt so it’s all fine?! that’s fucking bullshit liz and you know it HOW am i supposed to not worry about you liz? fuck.

Liz huffs annoyed, re-reading the message Fletcher just send her. Her fingers fly over the keyboard when she writes her response.

queenliz please fletcher, don’t be so fucking dramatic i fucking said i was fine, so i am doing fine leave me be and please stop worrying about me, it’s getting on my fucking nerves idk if you know this, but i can take care of myself.

Liz’s fingers hover above the keyboard, debating whether or not telling Fletcher to leave her alone, to stick his nose into someone else’s business. Her bottom lip rolls back and forth between her teeth, a metallic flavor reminding her she should probably stop nibbling on her lips and make a decision. Her thumb lays on top of the lock button and her other thumb hovering back and forth over the backspace and send button. Her phone buzzes in her hands, letting her know that Fletcher is sorry for being so protective and that he understands Liz might not be ready to talk about things today. A soft smile appears on her lips for the first time in, what feels like ages. Quickly she deletes the message and sends him a brief thank you, before locking her phone and standing up to head home again.

taglist: @cthofficial - @calmlftv - @kingcals - @spicycal - @another-lonely-heart

send me a message if you wanna be added to my taglist!

#ashton irwin fic #ashton irwin fanfiction #ashton irwin #5sos fic #5 seconds of summer fic #lie to me afi #5sos au #5 seconds of summer au #5sos #5 seconds of summer #ashton irwin au #god im sorry if this was bad #ashton will appear soon i PROMISE #i just need to set the mood and get the story straight #HE WILL BE HERE SOON I PROMISE

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yikesola · 4 years

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Hospital Update—

howdy! did i emo post about feeling sick and going home from work and then didn’t post for a few days except to complain and say “i’m okay! i’m in hospital but i’m okay” 😦

oops, i guess i did

so if i worried you with that i’m truly sorry, and i want to emphasize the i’m okay bits of this story and the fact that i am still definitely okay but still definitely shook up and exhausted and processing that this week even really happened. so i’m gonna try to go over what went down and y’all aren’t allowed to make fun of me if it’s not as funny as my usual writing, deal? deal!🥰 i just have had a verrry shitty time with the fact that so much that happened is a blur and i kinda depend a lot on my interpretation of events, and i want to write it down so i have some kind of record before i lose even more details— and that can mean that while writing this out it’s gonna actually be a litttle tmi, and more medical mumbo jumbo than you care about, but hey what level of social media isn’t dripping in performativity? what else am i gonna do, besides type this out? watch more family feud? wait for my next potassium horsepill?

so i legit just thought i had a flu last week, thought i’d need to just sleep off the nausea and fever and body aches and tummy troubles, have some soup, have some sprite and gatorade, have some saltines, have some tylenol. i had been complaining for a few days about not feeling well and thought that’d be the worst of it as i never really get sick and when i do i never do much about it other than being a pioneer woman and suffering through it. and this post would be soooooo boring if that were the case— don’t worry, it was not the flu.

so something cracked in my blood after i went to sleep to try to feel better, and my body did that autoimmune thing that bodies do where it said “hey..... something’s trying to kill us. what if we died first?? that’ll show em!” and my blood platelets started eating themselves. not ,, good.....

meanwhile it was the next morning and i was supposed to get ready for work but i still felt like shit (because my body was torpedoing itself) so my dear memere coming to check up on me saw me wild and vomit-strewen, except i wasn’t actually wild at all i was just shutting down blood-utilizing organ by one and imagining that i was this wild Romantic mrs rochester in my burning nightgown while my aunt and memere quibbled over whether they could get me into the car to try urgent care. in my haze i heard that and my dumb ass was like “is it that necessary??” and luckily my dumb mouth wasn’t functioning at the time bc she didn’t say nothing and instead my relatives called an ambulance. our little mountain town has its own hospital, that’s a nice part of the story! it’s a nice little hospital!

the paramedic was lovely and tried to get me sweatpants because it’s november. i didn’t listen to her because my fever was insane and i was more concerned with making sure my cats weren’t in the way of the gurney 🤪#yikesolabranding

i had the same paramedic in the ambulance with me when they sent me to the hospital in the big city and i spent the whole 90 minute drive talking about how much i love those fucking cats

that’s beside the point, but i want to be clear about who i am at my core apparently, always talking about the gals 😻

so i get to the hospital and this is the first black out. i guess technically second because of when it all started, but let’s pick up with me waking up in the hospital. i have nine plasma. i have a fever of 105. i’m being given a blood transfusion, thanks high schoolers who wanted to get out of running the mile in PE that day!

they throw their dartboard tests and decide i have TTP—

basically, they just need to trick my blood into calling off the attack. how are they gonna do that? they’re gonna confuse the blood, overwhelm it, overcrowd it. they’re gonna get me to the fancy city hospital and treat my veins like frosting piping bags.

it’s snowing— no helicopter for me. i have a catheter at this point btw, and this is one of the parts that i know is tmi but ....... ladies and friends, y’all ever had a catheter?? 😩🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪 i’m dying and legit think i’d rather piss myself to death, it hurts that bad. we take an ambulance down to the valley, i complain enough about the catheter that they finally take it out for which i apologize incessantly (something that’s probably more annoying than the original complaining but i could die in my own piss comfortable and happy so whatever let’s not worry about it.) i pass out again.

i wake up in ICU. i’m assured i am neither pregnant nor have AIDS. good news✌️ especially considering some family history i won’t dive into here. they’re saying the catheter word again and that scares me bc ow, but don’t worry! this one is going in my neck :) it’s how we’re gonna save my life—

we pump thirteen (13) bags of plasma into my neck via dialysis. it works so well they decide they’re gonna do it for a week! i am weeping through the entire 90 minute procedure btw, and apologizing for it. i’m a Fun Patient!

i pass out again.

i wake up to another assurance that i am still unpregnant and don’t have AIDS. hmmm glad those ones stick!

my aunt is begging me to rub my two brain cells together so i can unlock my phone. i do, which is interesting considering when asked the year i repeatedly answer 1992 and 1994. but my 4digit phone passcode? try and wipe that from me, bitch ass stroke

my aunt calls my dad. he is less of a jerk than he could be :) he thinks my uninsured ass should move to the hospital he works at in california. fucking comedian

i text some friends waiting in my hospital bed. it’s a messy text. if you’re a friend who got one of those texts, bless your reading comprehension abilities and please know that my intention was to say something like “i don’t want to worry you, I’ve checked into the hospital but am okay” but it was like in pooh’s grand adventure when pooh bear spilt honey all over christopher robin’s note that literally said “DONT worry about me, i’m NOT going far away” and read it as “worry about me, i’m going far away” and basically i should’ve taken the opportunity to pass out again instead of trying to text lol

i did call one friend instead of text and she was at dinner with her husband, so sent a little “call you back later!” before listening to the voicemail and the poor dear felt very bad for blowing me off, though i promise i did not feel blown off, i shouldn’t have called at dinner time like a damn telemarketer!

so i wake up again and it’s been two days 😞😞 whoopsie! they’ve done more plasma, i’m stable, and my brain is coming back. I’m BORED. i’m trapped in my body and can’t move and in incredible pain! i’m covered in bruises. i’ve vomited on myself. it’s time to pump me with more plasma. while they’re doing the 40min prep work for that, i am drenched in confusion, like that camouflage spell in hp5. i start screaming apologies (even when my brain is broke i can apologize, social feminization is a hell of a drug) to my doctors who ask me who the president is and i become the “don’t make me say it” meme. that made us all feel a little better.

they pump their plasma. my episode passes. i have a violet allergic reaction all over my body. they pump some benadryl. it goes away.

i can eat solid food! by “solid food” i mean strawberry jello. they tell me to order food of more substance. i order a meatloaf, and pass out before it arrives. i feel bad, eat it cold. i have Never had a better meatloaf, although if i’m being perfectly honest she was closer to a salisbury steak. genuilnely, *chefs kiss*

it’s day five, it’s time for me to leave the ICU. this fancy new room has a toilet :) and a shower! i finally get that vomit out of my hair. my aunt brings me my glasses; they’ve been on my bedside table this whole time

day six is a petulant day ..... idk why but my neck catheter was killing worse than usual and the plasma treatments had been slowly getting more bearable but then this day ,, wasn’t. and suddenly this all felt like a lot of hoops to jump through. and i had some “this isn’t fair🥺” moping as though not being dead isn’t wicked cool enough on its own. whatever, i’m feeling a lot better today, and y’all were really nice about my grumbling so thank you for that, without an ouce of facetiousness🥰

day seven, thanksgiving! i’m finally awake early enough for breakfast. i have fruit loops and laugh at mr amazing’s pain. i have hospital turkey for thanksgiving. it’s as bad as hospital turkey has to be, i can’t blame it for that. my memere sends two blank text messages. she’s 84, so i interpret them as “happy turkey day” and “love you”

i have what is supposed to be my last plasma treatment. before they pull my neck catheter out, they decide it willl not be. i’ll have at least one more in the morning. they’re still not comfortable, but i don’t cry through all 90minutes now. only like ,, 70 minutes of it🤙 maybe i’ll break under an hour tomorrow.

that’s all for now— at this time discharge is looking like monday or tuesday. my TTP recovery is likely, just a matter of time. i’m having a really hard time looking at my phone screeen (typing this has taken on and off 4hrs of dizzy and break) but so look forward to getting back into things that make me happy like japhan content and all the fests and kiss prompts i was working on before this. thanks for listening to this poor approximation of what i remember of my hospital experience! ✨✨🥰 sorry idk how to add a damn read more

#me talking #my face

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myheartsoarsforyou · 4 years

Note

The gay asks, as many as you feel like doing. Starting at 1 stop when you feel like it

Oh, you don’t know what you’ve signed up for. I’ll put it under a readmore, lol.

Just to note: Probably going to do most, if not all of them, so there you go. :)

how tall are you? 5′6″

what is your body type? Chubby, but curves are still there.

what is your favorite part about your body? Ehh, I don’t really like any part. My eyes, I guess?

is your current hair color your natural hair color? For now, but as soon as I’m able to get to my salon I’m dyeing it

are you more outgoing or more shy? Depends on the setting but for the most part definitely shy

are you more femme or butch? Femme I guess? I dunno, I’d argue probably somewhere in-between but leaning towards femme.

are you tol or smol? Height wise? I guess kinda tol? Iunno I don’t think I’m either but hey! lol

wine mom or vodka aunt? Vodka aunt, but I don’t drink much anymore.

weird habit? Uhh idk?

favorite meme? Don’t talk me i angy

do you sing in the shower? Oh yes, especially if I have music going lol

ever used a bow and arrow? Not yet!

are/were you a theatre kid? Nope,

have you ever seen a broadway musical? Not in person?

do you think musicals are cheesy? Probably but that’s half the fun.

have you ever been a part of a protest or a march? I wish, especially right now, but I would probably break down around that many people. I support as much as I can.

favorite Cards Against Humanity Card? I don’t think I have a favorite?

last movie you watched? Silent Hill: Revelations

behind the camera or in front of it? Behind, 100%. I hate having my picture taken. i’ll make exceptions, but.

favorite tv show? Mmmh... it used to be Supernatural but I don’t really watch TV. Maybe ATLA? I’m rewatching/finishing that sporadically.

meaning behind your url He makes my heart soar higher than ever.

reason you joined tumblr A looong time ago, because of SPN.

who’s your closest tumblr friend? I don’t really talk to people on tumblr ?? I’m just kinda... here

what’s something most people love that you hate? Iunno o.o

have you ever taken narcotics? Technically yes I have

have you had sex? Mhmm

have you ever gotten caught sneaking out or doing anything bad? Err, yeah. I got caught with a ‘friend’ of mine when I was younger. Woops.

worst/funniest lie you’ve ever told? I don’t remember any? I don’t know.

describe your passion without mentioning it. Escape, building something completely new with friends, making friends within a universe you help shape, seeing and doing more fantastiscal things than could be done in real life.

describe your best friend. I have two people I consider best friends. An artist, an activist, passionate about her work, heartfelt and exciteable. Another artist, unsure of his work but talented none the less, overly critical of himself.

give us one thing about you that no one knows. I don’t think there’s much if anything that my bf doesn’t know about me?

how do you feel right now? my tummy hurts

what is your biggest fear? Losing him.

what’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it? Love Me - NU’EST

what is the best decision you’ve made in your life so far? Definitely sticking it out and staying close to my bf before we got together and persuing things when the opportunity arose.

have you ever tried your hardest and then been disappointed in the end? Very often in my life rn tbh

something you fantasize about. Living with my love in a 3 bedroom house with our little domestic zoo and being happy.

last time you cried and why Saturday, multiple times. It was a rough day and was thinking a lot about my cousin (long story short he’s no longer around)

what was the last thing that made you laugh? Probably my boyfriend.

do you really, truly miss someone right now? I miss my bf because I haven’t seen him irl in two years and it kills me.

who do you feel most comfortable talking to about anything? Bf

the last time you felt broken? Saturday again because of the aforementioned.

are you starting to realize anything? That I will put up with a lot if I feel like I have to to see him.

are you more dominant or more submissive? Definitely submissive, but I have my moments.

i’ll only date you if _____. (fill in the blank) Mmm, I don’t really have strict qualifications. Treat me well, tell me if something’s up, and just love me. But I have that right now, so I guess the strict qualification is if he agrees & We’re good to be a polycule.

do you prefer to date people the same age as you, younger, or older? I used to say strictly older, but honestly AS LONG AS it’s legal and moral either or. Bf’s two years younger than me and more mature than anyone older than me that I’ve been with so lol.

describe the person you’re in love with/have a crush on in great detail. My height, great eyes, gorgeous to me, dyed-red hair, avid gamer, tattoo enthusiast. He’s passionate regardless of how he sees it, and he’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I love every part of him and I will even if things change.

do you have any kinks? Many. Lol.

first thing you notice in a person? Depends, sometimes eyes, sometimes voice, sometimes approachability lol.

how can someone win your heart? You’d have to ask my bf

been rejected by a crush? Yep!

have you ever had feelings for someone who didn’t have them back? Oh yes lol

would you have sex with the last person you text messaged? Actual texts? No. But if discord messages count - yes. lol

is trust a big issue for you? Yes

did you hang out with the person you like recently? Yes

is confidence cute? It can be, but there’s a fine line between it and arrogance.

what would you say if the person you love/like kissed another girl/boy? It depends entirely on the situation. Did we agree on a romantic/sexual third? Sure. If not I’d probably be pretty upset.

would you be able to date someone who doesn’t make you laugh? Probably not.

does the person you have feelings for right now know you do? I should DEFINITELY hope so lmao

ever embarrass yourself in front of a crush? I’ve been in high school.

do you want to get married I do, though I never thought I’d be able to say that

worst thing you’ve ever done? Probably cheating on someone I cared about with someone I should’ve never involved myself with.

three things that turn you on. Biting, neck kisses, making out.

who do you hate? Eh, my boss rn.

favorite term of endearment? My bf calls me kitten c:

who was your celebrity/fictional gay awakening? Probably Willow from Buffy the Vampire Slayer

intimidating girls or kind girls? Why not both?

what do you look for in a possible partner? If we’d work well together lol, it all depends.

do you tend to like more masculine, feminine, or androgynous girls? Err, a little of all? I tend to go for masc in general, but I am definitely interested in all of the above.

are you good at flirting? Not...really lol

who was the first person you came out to? My bestie

do you have any friends who are wlw? Yep!

is your crush wlw? See, this is complicated. Technically at the moment no, but there has been gender questioning in the past and it’s possible that at some point in the future yes.

last person to make you reconsider your sexuality? That’s been a long time ago lmao, I’ve been pretty confident I am Super Queer for a long while.

write a short love poem to your crush/self? I am not good at these and very tired so I’m gonna pass on this one

do you fall in love easily? I used to, but not anymore. Mainly cause I’m still very deeply in love with the person I think is my soul mate.

is there something that happened in your past that you hate talking about? Yerp.

are you good at hiding your feelings? Not really no

are you a forgiving person? I can be. Bf thinks I am too forgiving.

what is your “type?” Uhh, it depends? And fluctuates? lol

fall asleep in her arms or rub her back until she falls asleep in yours? Both.

tall girls or short girls? Both, though prob tall more often than not.

hugs or kisses? Kisses

twirl her around or get twirled? Twiiiirl.

tummy kisses or thigh kisses? Thigh

hairline kisses or neck kisses? Neck

play with her hair or stroke her tummy? I have Two Hands

making out or soft kisses? Both, but I Really Like making out

hugs around the neck or hugs around the waist? Neck, but also both.

how confident are you in your sexuality? 100%

when you like someone do you blush or get butterflies in your stomach? Yes, a lot lol

have you ever liked a friend as more than a friend? did you tell them? I would not be with my bf if this wasn’t the case.

how old were you when you realized you were into girls? I think I was 13?

most embarrassing thing you’ve done in front of a cute girl? Uhhh... I don’t really remember lol

do you have a favorite lesbian ship? is it canon? Yes! But it ended not great so :(

what is the most aggravating thing someone has said to you about your sexuality? I really hate when people say I should identify in a certain way because it’s a “slur” the whole point of reclaiming things is to take the ammunition out of it. And a lot of words have been slurs in the past that seem to be fully acceptable.

when was the last time a girl made your heart flutter? I don’t really remember.

what is love to you? It can change but at its heart it makes you feel warm and soft, and makes you feel a little bit better about the bad things in life.

#P.s. Pretty sure my bf sent this but that's ok #if not pls tell me who you are bc you honed in on what i love lol #Anonymous #well that readmore didn't work okay thanks tumblr

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maggiehanhamgrad701 · 3 years

Text

All About Annie

MY LOVES

Its about time we become straight up and just say what we are all thinking right (lol)? So here I go, here at the most annoying, frustrating and honest things that float to my brain when I think of Endometriosis.

HERE ARE THE CONFESSIONS OF AN ENDOMETRIOSIS SUFFERER\

Yeah, sorry to get straight into it with the gorey details. However the amount of underwear ive had to handwash in the shower, or are to far gone and had to be thrown in the bin is so high I have lost count. Might I add it really sucks when I treat myself to a beautful sexy matching bra and undies set and after the first wear I have to bin them.

2. Constant STI/STD Checks

OK this one for me is a serious annoyance. The fact that I have probably had more check-ups than a sex worker (no hate) is absolutley ridiculous. Its even more frustrating when I explain that ‘I was literally tested a month or 2 ago and havnt had sex since then’ and still get poked and proded amazes me. Even more crazy is the fact me and my boyfriend were given pills to take for an STD even though we both tested negative more than ten times, but just in case we had to take them. I have endo, not a STD mate.

3. “OMG I get really bad period pains toooooo”

Look, I know you trying to be supportive or whatever by saying this however this one one of the most offensive things you can say to an endo sufferer. You may get severe period pains and that sucks, but the fact that you think endo is just period pains is frustraing. When you can hardly get out of bed for weeks on end, talk to me.

4. Greasy Hair and Hairy Legs

You know you are having a bad episode when even the thought of showering is draining let alone actually completing this task. So to say I literally get in and out would be quite a good description. My poor boyfriend putting up with my hairy body and my poor, poor cute outfits being let down by a greasy bun. Oh the joys of fatigue.

5. Paying for Pads and Tampons

This stuff is expensive, espically when you bleed for 6 weeks straight. Goverment listen up, fund ’em!

6. When everyone you meet suddenly has the ‘answer to my prayers’

Im just not even gonna…….

7. “My Aunty had a baby and thats how she cured her Endometriosis”…..

First of all, CURE – LOL, second of all, whatever rock you live under, please remove yourself from it and educate yourself, Pregnancy doesn’t help everyone people!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

8. When the Staff in the Emergency Department think your a Drug addict

We all must have been here right? The funny looks, the whispers and stares, the “are you sure your really in pain hunny” chats. A common complaint from a lot of woman who deal with Endometriosis is they are made to feel like drug seekers. Seriously? Do you think I want to be lying in a cold, loud hospital wing on a Tuesday night at 1:13am instead of my warm cosy bed fast asleep? Do you really think if I had a choice I would like to be hooked up to a morphine drip filling myself with pharmaceutical crap?? NO I AM NOT SEEKING DRUGS! But I would really like them to help get rid of this pain so please come to your senses and realise I am in desperate need of your help and assist me in getting sane and comfortable enough to head home, thanks 🙂

9. The wheat bag is just never hot enough

Ok, how many of us have literally nearly burnt ourselves from frying our skin with an extra hot wheaty? (I imagine you are all raising your hands at this point) When the pains are so bad it is literally impossible to get your heat device hot enough to even slightly make the cramps bearable, there is so no saving you lol.

10. “Does like, that mean you can’t ever have babies?”

Firstly, sit down you insensitive human. Secondly, my chances do become slimmer then normal, thanks for reminding me 🙂 isn’t it actually the worst when people don’t even think about how this question is going to make you feel? So cut throat it hurts.

11. Painsomina

100% is a thing. 100%. You are so sore, that you can’t even sleep. But you are so tired and exhausted from being in pain all day and you just wanna sleep. But you can’t, cos your in pain still and you cannot get comfortable no matter how hard you try or how many painkillers you take. You are just awake, dying a slow death whilst watching time slowllllllly tick by.

12. Explaining to your new partner what is wrong with you

Isn’t the “it sometimes hurts to have sex” convo literally the worst? Explaining to a male who has it drilled in his head that periods are even more taboo to talk about then the devil, that what Endometriosis is and how it effects you, ughhhhhh such a drag. I actually have now decided we should get like gold medals after having this conversation?

13. The initial convincing the doctors theres something wrong with you saga

Omg how did I nearly forget this one? THE ABSOLUTE WORST! Trying to convince a medical professional that your BODY HATESSSSSSS YOUUUUU and them not believing you for idk, like 8 years (using that number as its the average time a girl has to wait for a diagnosis) is so horrible. I remember the “take some pandadol, its just a bad period” chats like it was yesterday. You leave feeling so deflated and so mental

14. The after surgery gas

Haha k, I’m sorry, we have to discuss it. The first few days after surgery, and all that gas that they have pumped your tummy with is leaving your body, so embarrassing lol. You feel so un feminine and its so unacceptable. With no choice in the matter, “Pardon me” becomes your new favourite saying

15. When tired really, reallllly means TIRED

I literally hate it when I get to this point. When you actually have to put thought into picking up each leg when you walk. When simple tasks such as the dishes, folding the washing or brushing your goddam teeth feel like an olympic race. Once the fatigue takes over, the only thought I can concentrate on properly is getting myself to bed.

16. The bloating

You don’t know bloat until you have meet the Endo belly bloat right? Being that bloated sucks, especially when it means you can no longer eat your favourite chocolate unless you want to deal with the 4 month pregnant belly look. Even worse, looking pregnant when you run the possibility of never actually being able to be pregnant – can suck it.

17. Having your period, like all the time

SO many of us have been here – the never ending period. The waiting for it to finish and it never does. The loosing count of how long it has been since you didn’t have to change a tampon. The “OMG WHY WONT YOU GO AWAY” tears whilst sitting on the toilet unwrapping yet another night pad that will only last an hour because the flow is so heavy. Lets all have a moment of silence for all those who have been there, we deserve it.

18. You become your friends and families pharamcist

“So, can I take these two medications together?”

“You know that thing I got off you that time I felt nauseas, can I take some home with me?”

“I have a headache, do you have anything that will help?”

“Will I be fine if I take this without food?”

“How many of these can I take at once?”

19. Cramps

Its an obvious one, yet one that still needs to be addressed. How flipping sore are those cramps though? Cramps in your belly, cramps in your back, in your legs, in your actual vagina! Like enough is enough. However your body doesn’t understand that saying and just keeps throwing you cramps on cramps.

20. Calling in sick for work

Having to try and explain that periods are not an easy task for you and that you need to stay home in bed to your manager is not a fun or ideal task. Having them believe the severity of it can be so hard. Especially when you did this last week, and now you have the same problem and they can’t quite get their head around how you have your period again in such a small amount of time? Like when is ” I have my period and I have Endometriosis so leave me be” going to be an acceptable reason for a sick day? I vote it should be now.

Guys, honestly lol – I could sit up all night typing because the list seems to be never ending. Feel free to add “the confession you wanna make but never say” into the comments below – I can’t wait to see what you all have to add and what I’ve missed!

Hope you had a lil laugh relating to the above.

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bogb0ng · 7 years

Note

1 threw 85

Since a few have been answered already I’ll answer the rest

1: Looks are not important to me so much i believe there should be some kind of physical attraction, but i’m more about personality!

2: relationships are totally worth it to me! I’m not into hooking up all the time plus my SO usually becomes my bestfriend

3: no Obviously not lol

4: It’s very complicated…. I’m technically not in a relationship with the guy, but we’ve both said we want to be…

5: I’m not really sure what it is, but i don’t think it’s love just yet

6: technically I guess I am?

7: absolutely I prefer to be committed to one person! Tbh they get all of my time an attention when i’m not around friends and family.

8: he’s just a bit taller than me has this crazy sense of humor that I completely adore. He’s got this adorable smile, deep brown eyes and hair and is so god damn handsome whenever I get a picture I melt (I actually almost fell over yesterday because of this)

9: a guy with a great sense of humor who adores me as much as i do him.

10: I’m not really sure. I prefer to know a person before I say I’m in love.

11: surprisingly yes!

12: depending on how bad it is I will if it’s something stupid like they broke their plans with me or gave away a minor secret behind my back no biggie i’ll probably forgive them, but if they cheated or something…. i’m gone believe me I don’t do well with that shit

13: kinda, kinda not? it’s hard because like i’m not mad at the people that i’m getting jealous over… i’m just insecure. oh well lol

14: yessssss ahah same guy but also a little crush on some one else i think, but they’ll never know

17: Yes! if it’s a quick kiss i’m A ok with it, but i don’t make out in public

apparently there’s no 18 or 19??? soo uhm yeah

20: i try to shower every day sometimes I dont get the chance and I have to shower the next day, but I keep myself clean!

21: I don’t know… IF ANY OF YA THINK I’M A CUTIE AND HAVE FEELS SEND ME ANON HEARTS AND I’LL LOVE YOU FOREVER!!!

22: I hope a certain some one is, but who knows for sure

23: Yes are you kidding me!? People can’t do that?? like when i’m in a relationship holy shit i’m 110% into that person they become everything to me and also i’d never want to hurt some one in that way.

24: I hope i’m at least engaged, but then again i could just be alone forever… so i guess if anyone wants to make a pact to get married by a certain age HMU Lmfao

25: YESSSSS ugh i’m holding out on some one, but hey shit happens

26: actually yes my Ex. and we’re still good friends. I also would not want to lose him. he’s an amazing person with a huge caring heart.

27: I wouldn’t call it a poem, but it was a really long rant/letter to the man who loves me next.

28: I’m not entirely sure, but my extremely mentally abusive ex probably did because a guilty conscience usually blames the other half. (he accused me of cheating and i would rather die than cheat on some one)

29: No. never have. never will.

30: actually I have…. i’ve never felt good about my stomach and have always wanted to get it fixed some how, but i never will.

31: yes I have. I’ve had my fair share of heartbreak

32: I have many a time. you cant change some ones heart and thats fine! ]

33: obviously lol

34: I mean I almost did once….

35: Of course I have haha

36: yes! in fact i almost dated him when we were in high school!

37: yup…. and they told me, but i dated him anyways and what a fuck up that was….

38: yes!! omg i was in shock when it happened

39: Yes, but they’d never know because I’m respectful

40: all the time! i write to get my feelings out

41: I have (and it was goooooooddd)

43: my longest relationship was a year and a month or so.

44: I’ve had a total of 5 boyfriend in my lifetime lol

45: like 0 i was the human equivalent of birth control or some shit

46: a lot with my SO at the time lol

47: 21!

48: I’d probably tell them i’m really happy for them and wallow for a bit before moving on.

49: I currently do not so i guess my favourite thing about the person I like is that goofy smile I get when i’m being cute lol

50: I mean i don’t think i’ve met my true love so probably not?

51: there’s lots of people i would do anything for. i’m the type of person who drops anything for a friend in need.

52: Yes. a family member, my ex roommate. probably more, but you know what best of luck to them they’re gonna need it

53. I’d hope not….

54: theres a lot of people i could never forget

55: this one time a boyfriend of mine surprised me with a date where we drove all the way to one of his old home towns and he showed me around. he then took me to a dinosaur museum (which i love that shit so much) we walk through the entire thing and we got to the gift shop i went to the bathroom because it was like a 2-3 hour drive home and he bought me a stuffed T-rex and a cute keychain (i still have both)

56: 5 facts! I have a chubby tummy, long legs,a cute butt, thick thigs, pretty eyes, a cute smile and long/wild curly hair! and I’m very soft

57: I hope you realize that you turned out exactly like your father and you’re a pathological liar who deserves nothing more than whatever comes his way

58: snacks! surprise adventures, cute snuggle days, HEAD RUBS!!! whispering cute things to me when I least expect it in public!

59: Picture will be posted!

60: If i remember correctly it was around 7 years

61: their eyes and smile

62: oh god honestly non sexual wise… run me a romantic bath. sexual wise…. we wont go there right now…

63: genitals touching other genitals? idk

64: anything beyond joking flirtatiously tbh

65: oh god whispering what they’re going to do to me. kissing down the neck and spine. those are just a few.

66. Dominant and sub idk

67: perfect date would probably be going out to a museum or aquarium and then going to a nice dinner

68: straight

69: I’m not really sure it varys

70: Lots of things. whispering, slow kissing, touching

71: ahaha this is akward my kinkiest wet dream was being tied up and dominated tbh

73: just treat me like a princess for the day honestly

74: some one who can lift me tbh

75: sweetest thing was some one brought me flowers to my work place and took me out for late night denny’s after a long anxious day.

76: I guess making some one soup and cold remedies while they were sick

77: as long as it’s legal and consensual then no biggie

78: I almost was in a threesome once that was wild.

79: ah last time was some one got to hang out with a person i really wanted to hang out with but couldn’t because they’re too far away

80: I tell my friends I love them at least once a day. so today technically. last time i said it and meant i was in love was at the beginning of the summer before my breakup

81: Chris, dani, liam, hunter, and david (only one of these ppl have a tumblr)

82: my friend ash

83: a guy named Jordan (he was my bestfriend in kindergarten)

84: distance was becoming too much for both of us

85: I mean technically I have (if you count online dating) but if not then yes probably

thank you for asking!!!

#Star-Cecil #asks #response #commander speaks

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tybysis · 7 years

Text

11:37pm

I feel really good about myself today because of this outfit I ended up wearing so let’s see if I can make a happy entry.

Cause you know, Ty, we’ve been filling you with negativity a ton (which I mean, it is what you’re for. so. lmao.) but I want to even it out. Because that’s what I’m trying to do with life too, you know? Find that happy medium, that balance that lets me see both the bad and the good as equals, no one more than the other, and we all know that I am just. so good at seeing the bad, and letting the bad take over the good, and not being able to see all the things that I enjoy.

So. Today I wore a shirt I bought at primark, which is actually a body suit, white and off the shoulder with a lace up in the front, and it’s really cute. I paired it with some wine-colored leggings I bought at work that go all the way over my tummy, and then put one of mom-mom’s belts around my waistline, put on one of her long necklaces as a choker, and finally found some dark lipstick that I can wear. She had the perfect shade of course, being my skin tone and all. I love it. And I’m going to ask her for it. I already know she’ll say yes, so I’m pumped. Add mascara and some really blended gray eyeshadow, and we’re off to the races. I also got a mani-pedi today, which was great, and yesterday I got my hair done in crochet curls, back to black and blue. I felt... really nice about myself okay. Really good.

Things that have happened that I wasn’t able to articulate because of how bad I was mentally in my last entry:

I started my semester at mont co, taking four classes, all of which I’m pumped for: Creative Writing, Improv, Intro to Theatre, and ASL.

I found a way to school every day without having to pay for bus fare, via John, who I carpool with since he lives up the street.

I finally got a bus card, which SEPTA has brand new, that you can pay via app online, which means I don’t have to stress about having cash on me

I feel like I’m actually making meaningful relationships with my coworkers??? at least my other front ends. Rich and Haley and Jake are all really great and if one of us didn’t always have to be at work, I’d totally organize a night out or something.

I discovered that a PhD in Creative Writing is something that you can have AND that my creative writing professor has one??? so that is now my next goal.

I’m trying to find a way to do light brigade again this year despite financial troubles. I’m going to pay back what I owe and then talk to Miss Shelia about this season.

Gabe and I’s weirdness is sort of normalized, now. I never really blamed him for not wanting to hang out with me, and not inviting me places. That’s whatever. I’m just glad the awkward part is done.

I’m spending labor day at my grandma’s house in pleasantville, and it’s been nice. She’s content leaving me be, and we’re able to live our own lives and chill with each other too.

My textbooks this semester all together is going to be less than $50, which fits nicely in the budget

I may or may not be moving soon, which means a whole new space to decorate!

Ben and Ru are both super supportive, and we’re all super supportive of each other?? all the time?? which is super nice.

Chris and Mags are ALSO super supportive, and we dish and talk and do things.

John is teaching me how to play Magic the Gathering, because I finally took the knee to become full nerd.

D&D every Friday is something I have to look forward to each and every week and it makes me very happy to participate

I EASILY made friends in the D&D group??? I talk to Zach pretty constantly, and I was invited to a seperate group chat with him, Al, and Korre where we talk about videogames and play together on playstation somedays and it’s ??? really nice.

I SEE ROSE ALMOST TWICE A WEEK AT SCHOOL and it’s the bomb, okay??? I missed her last week because of John insisting on Magic!, but it really cheers me up to have someone I know there, ESPECIALLY ROSE! she’s great to hangout with and our schedules have been shit with meeting up since we both started working, and with the whole not-being-invited thing.

I got to hang out with Carlee and we talked about D&D and Magic! and all sorts of fun things while we ate at the shake shake and walked around the mall.

If I have any regrets about my whatever with Gabe, it’s that I don’t get to see the others. Finding times to see Dan was difficult, and I haven’t seen her since I scooped her up to go to karaoke. I miss her and Kiki and Rose. But I’m shit at planning, when I remember to do so, and I already have so many chats it’s hard to keep up with. Cause tbh I was falling off before this happened. And? In reality?

Well, I sort of feel like I’m... old. For that group. Like, I don’t know how to describe it, really, except that when the whole thing with Gabe just felt so... high school. It felt like I was expected to react a certain way, and that I HAD to do that, but then I kept thinking, you know, I’m not in high shcool anymore. I’m not that girl. I don’t have the energy to be so stressed about all my decisions and all my movements and everything I say. What I want is to sit down and have a good ole discussion about all the things I really wasn’t able to say, during that whole time. I want to talk about all the times I bottled up the things that hurt me during the friendship. I want to talk about Six Flags. I want to talk about Disney. I want to talk about the fact that when I tried to talk about how hurt I was that he didn’t hang out last summer, he complained about Dan jumping down his throat and told me not to bring it up. I want to talk about that day during practice where we sat up on the director’s podium while the flags had a sectional. I want to hear him talk about all the times I hurt him and he bottled it up too. I want to communicate.

But also. Shit. I am too old to be forcing relationships, man. I can’t be running after anyone any more. It’s exhausting. And I honestly? Never did it. If we planned something and Gabe didn’t show up, it was Dan who called, or Dan who walked to his house and knocked on the door, I was always devastatingly uncomfortable with doing that, cause that’s just. always how I’ve been.

I am so okay with this change, basically. Because if it means that in the future Gabe and I can live our lives, either together or separately, but at least treating each other like adults. And maybe even holding each other accountable. Ain’t that a pipe dream.

Cause okay. While I love all of my friends from high school, and I really appreciate those friendships, some of them are really juvenile, or at least have juvenile traits. Not being able to talk about things? Bottling up your emotions because you don’t want to share? Being scared of being judged? Second guessing yourself every time you want to do something? Deciding that you can or can’t do something based on your friend group because you don’t think it’d go over well? High school. High school high school high school.

That’s what I love about college. Everyone is just. so okay? with you? and by that I mean. They don’t care what you’re majoring in. They’re at least vaguely interested in what you want to do with your life. But there’s no pressure to be or not be anything.

Something that really stuck with me is Dan saying that even if she did find someone she liked, she probably wouldn’t date them because “it would throw off all my dynamics” and?? it really made me pause. Even though she spoke over it and backtracked like she didn’t mean to say it. Like? Was the group really? Like that? That finding love was something that wasn’t even seriously considered because of how it would change the dynamic??? Like I remember how terrified I used to be of dynamic changes, how much I used to catalog them, how much I exulted them. But jesus. Jesus that’s so unhealthy.

Like? no one should be afraid that something they choose to do would upset a friendship? Without any speaking about it? Like, hey, someone coming up to you and going “hey this makes me uncomfortable” is different. But. I just.

like, yeah, there is a chance that I am misconstruing everything. That’s true. But I remember who I was when I held these friendships over everything and anything, and... man I just hope they’ve matured and developed. And the thing is? They probably have with out me. And of that I’m hopeful and glad for.

Omg so wait, before I forget to mention this. I went to the liquor store with Zach and John on the way home from work one day and we stopped at the burger place near work and it was just??? really nice. To be hanging out with people my age. Also it was the first time I actually bought something from a liquor store and so I got these cute little bottles of kraken that are amazing and I love them lmao.

idk man it was just a really chill day and it was really nice and it’d be cool if I could hang out with John and Zach more often.

#kay post #idk why I'm still talking

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