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fxlling13 · 1 year

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Dhawan!master x reader

Genre: comfort

Warnings: mentions of suicide, self harm, self deprecating thoughts and scars

Synopsis: the master finds you mid emotional breakdown.

Please send in requests :)

Life with the master was always unpredictable. Never knowing where I'd end up or who I'd meet. Even if I could survive became a mystery to me. Everyday I found myself in unique situations with the alien man. Explicit dangers with seemingly no way out. Of course, he always got us back to his tardis, no problem. The one thing that hadn't changed however, was my brain. When I'd get tired and go back to my room, that the master had insisted on getting perfect, I just sat in bed and let my thoughts run wild. Negative images took over and there was nothing I could do about it. This had been happening for as long as I could remember. From school memories to things people had said in my day to day life. It haunted me.

Currently, I was sat in the library reading over an ancient script with the help of the tardis translating. It was helping to keep my mind off the thoughts. I had no idea where the master was but I didn't really want him to see me in this moment. It was no secret he saw all humans as weak and feeble, including myself. So why should I give him more proof of that? My efforts in reading were proving useless though, as my head felt as though it would impload. Usually these episodes only came when I was trying to sleep but maybe I was more tired than I thought. Before a tear could fall, I heard footsteps and sat myself up straighter with a composed face. Once the door had opened, the master strolled over to the book shelf and looked over the various gallifreyan literature.

"Good evening master, where were you?" I cursed myself for the shakey voice but just hoped he'd ignore it. There was silence for a moment until, he came and sat next to me on the brown sofa. The library was very cosy. Decorated with old pictures and panelled walls, along with a fire place and a plush sofa in front.

"Trying to fix the dematerialisation circuit. Easy stuff, sorted now." He muttered, crossing one leg over the other so his ankle rested against his knee. One part of me hopefully he'd just leave me alone so I could recover. The other half wanted him to stay and comfort me even if I knew he'd never do that. Why would he ever show such kindness to me when he'd already done so much? If it wasn't for him, I'd of probably lost control and been dead by now. Thinking of things like that, it would really help right now to feel pai- My thoughts were cut off when his hand wrapped around mine and tilted the script towards himself. Thumb moving against my palm, I couldnt concentrate on his explanation of the extinct alien race who had written this text. All I could hear was my own heartbeat.

"(Y/n)? Where's your little mind taking you hm?" Shocked at his gentle tone, I just smiled up at him to mask my emotions.

"Sorry, zoned out. Usually you have work to do, no?" That probably came off as rude but I needed him to leave before I had a real breakdown. I was starving, tired and emotionally drained. Not to mention, completely touch starved. The master tilted his head and let his eyes scan over my features. Feeling small under his gaze, I looked towards the parchment in my lap. He shouldn't be wasting his time sat here with me. Not when he's so incredible and capable, destroying and creating worlds each day. Burning stars and kick-starting galaxies. All I could do was observe, having no idea how I could ever deserve this. At this point, I was hoping he could just kill me. That would be easier than having to do it myself.

"(Y/n)!" Flinching, I was utterly confused at his sudden outburst.

"No one is killing you. Not me and certainly not yourself." My eyes widened, staring up at him in shock. How could he know? Was he that smart he could read me? Quickly, he rolled up my sleeves and wandered over my skin, his lips parting with worry.

"Theres so many scars, have you been doing this? The whole time?" Blinking fast, I stayed silent, not wanting to seem weak or pathetic.

"You're neither of those things." The master stared, brown eyes boring into mine.

"H-how are you doing that?" Before responding, he pulled my arm towards him and placed a kiss to my wrist, where most of the evidence was.

"I can read your thoughts. Anyone's thoughts. Yours are incredibly loud. Each time you leave my side I hear you, screaming at yourself." Realising he had heard every single thing, I pushed myself away so I was pressed into the arm rest uncomfortably. However, the master was quick to clear everything away from us and take both my hands in his.

"(Y/n) look at me." Slowly, I lifted my head to meet his gaze and was pleasantly surprised to find him looking calm. Pulling me forward, I blushed at the close proximity.

"You're not weak. You're not stupid. You're not ugly. You're not another pathetic little human. You. You are so much more." Without realising, his hands had found my waist which made it easier to get me nearer.

"I'd never allow just anyone to travel with me. You're special. You've never looked at me with fear or as a monster. To me, you're a life line that I can't loose." Tears pooled in my eyes and I made no effort to stop them. Seeing this, he reached up and brushed them away with his thumb.

"I won't allow you to suffer like this anymore. I should of come to you immediately but I didn't want to invade your privacy." Rambling slightly, I was flattered that he'd cared. I'm surprised he cared at all, why would he? I'm not important.

"You're doing it now." Remembering he could hear it all, I whimpered and let out a quiet sniffle. The master opened his arms and mumbled a quiet 'come here' whilst bringing me into his embrace. I couldn't help but sob into his purple vest, hands clutching it. Scared he'd let go, I relaxed as his grip on me tightened.

"I'm not going anywhere love. I'll never leave your side and nothing will happen to you. I promise." Nodding, I nuzzled into his chest and began to calm down a little. My whole face turned bright red as he pressed his lips to my forehead. He's just being nice, right? That didn't mean anything, did it? No, of course not.

"Of course it meant something. You are my human after all." Lifting my head up, our eyes met and a tiny smirk tugged at his lips. My brows furrowed as I tried to read him. Of course, I couldnt, he always looked this smug.

"Your human?" I asked innocently, completely lost. Did he mean that he owned me? Or that he saw me as a pet? Maybe I was an object to him?

"You think so little of me." The master tut, stroking my cheek tentivley as I, once again, forgot he could hear everything.

"I'll show you." Before I could speak, he leant down and pressed him lips to mine. Startled, it took me a few seconds before I kissed back. Melting into it, my arms wrapped around his neck to bring him closer. It was soothing, how gentle he could be with me. Being just what I needed right now. Sadly, I had to pull away to breath even if he seemed unphased.

"You could be my human, if that's okay with you?" A smile broke out onto my face as I practically threw myself back into his arms as a clear answer.

"More than okay."

#doctor who x y/n #doctor who #dhawan master x reader

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shoyoist · 2 years

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kakucho with a tattoo of your name on his left pec I’m wheezing I actually need an inhaler oh my god

content: gn!reader. tattoos and piercings + as usual for my writing with kakucho, it's super soft bec he deserves no less ♡♡ p.s. we pretend his bonten tat isn't in almost the same place. thanks.

— ‶｡ଘ.*+ it seems kakucho is really good at hiding surprises.

"what's wrong?" kakucho asks, unable to ignore any longer how you've been staring intently at him for hours on end, since the very moment he had walked into the house, tired out after a long day of various work events he had to power through the entire day.

you didn't stray from your position on the couch, supposedly bingeing your favourite shows, but every time he'd crossed the living room, he'd noticed that your eyes were not on the TV but on him, following his movements without a single miss.

when he'd gotten out of the shower and headed into the kitchen because he needed some water. when he'd come back to retrieve his socks and throw them into the wash, since he'd taken them off and left them thrown across the doorway. when he circled around the couch to grab an apple off the bowl sitting on the coffee table.

then, he'd stepped back and awkwardly stood there for a few minutes, watching the way you examined his body, tilting your head and pursing up your lips in concentration. "is there something wrong, love?"

"nothing." you speak slowly, your gaze still latched onto his body. he feels self conscious, and peers down at himself, scanning his tshirt and pants for any stains or tears or anything that might have caught your attention.

"nothing," you repeat. "except . . . why are you wearing a shirt?"

kakucho blinks, trying to feign innocence. he thinks about what's hiding underneath the fabric stretching across his muscled chest, and shifts one more step back. "am i . . . not supposed to wear a shirt?"

"you never wear one," you accuse, pointing a finger at him. "not even when you're out at work. you stay bare chested, all the time. what gives?"

"uh," he racks his brain for a suitable, logical answer to give you. it wasn't winter, and it wasn't a rainy day, so he couldnt blame it on the cold. if he told you not to mind it, you would instantly worry and make him take the shirt off so you could see if he was okay underneath. "i just felt like having one on today."

your eyebrow twitches, and he winces inwardly. obviously, you wouldn't fucking buy that. "really. i just wanted to wear one."

"and you wore it right after your shower. without even properly drying yourself off?" you extend the question, and he almost freezes in place because fuck, he wasn't expecting you to point that out.

he shrugs his shoulders, as nonchalant as he can bring himself to be. "it's nothing, i promise."

"take it off, then." you lean your chin on your fist, and bat your eyelashes at him prettily, and he blushes despite himself — because you dont know what he's trying to hide. you can't know. but you will. he already knows he's lost this battle. "c'mon, kaku, you look so good with just an unzipped hoodie on. love it when you have your body on full display, baby. i tell you that every day."

"dont i look fine with a tshirt on, though?" he circles past all the praise you're showering him with, and instead offers you a smile, polishing the apple across his pants before bringing it to his mouth for a bite. "muscular men in tight tees. so hot, right?"

you roll your eyes, and he has to laugh at himself — but as he takes a bite out of the apple and starts chewing on it, standing next to the TV that you're paying absolutely zero attention to, you suddenly lean off the couch and peer at his chest, squinting your eyes for a closer look. "wait."

at that, kakucho's entire body heats up immediately, and he desperately fights the urge to turn around and run — fuck, if he had just ignored you and not asked you anything at all, maybe you wouldn't have become this curious. but now, now he was going to get found out. shit.

you hop off the couch and saunter over to him, steps steady and languid, a teasing smirk already in place across your pretty face, and kakucho has no choice but to continue playing innocent — hopefully, hopefully, you were just messing with him, pretending you figured it out so he would break and reveal to you what he was hiding.

if he kept trying, maybe you'd believe him. "baby, what is it? i really have no idea why you're so pressed about this."

"shut up, kaku." you narrow your eyes at him, stopping with only a few inches of distance between your bodies, lifting your hand up and pressing a pointed index finger to his chest. "this is what your crazy gang buddies are dragging you into, huh?"

and despite the situation he's currently being cornered into, he has to appreciate how lightly you talk about bonten.

you're careful about the whole ordeal, but you aren't afraid. the fact that he's involved with such a dangerous, brutal criminal organization doesn't stop you from loving him whole. from waiting for him to come back from work every day. from being patient, from staying calm and taking care of him on the days he returns injured.

it doesn't make you hesitate to move in with him. doesn't hinder you from immediately accepting the ring that he'd put on your finger only weeks ago. you love him, and he's so, so grateful to have you with him at all.

which is why he'd done what he did — but he's not ready to show it to you yet, which feels stupid because he only did all this for you, to show it to you and make you happy, to display to you just how much you meant to him.

but he's fucking shy.

"the one with the bubblegum hair." you choose sanzu to blame, for what you've discovered. "did he rope you into this?"

"no." he says, and you give him a long, scrunitizing look, eyes so gorgeously lit up as you try to glean from him what his reasons are. then, you take one step back, and lower your hands to the hem of his shirt. "take it off, baby, why would you hide this from me? i want to see."

you eye his chest, the thin material of his shirt strained by his pectorals. or rather, you eye the perfectly outlined studs sitting at his nipples.

"you really got your nipples pierced, and then wore such a tight fitting thing to try and hide it?" you chide, smiling wider as you lift the shirt off him. "if you'd just zipped up a hoodie, i would be less likely to notice, and less suspicious, too. you're so dumb sometimes, kaku."

his face burns, but that's not all that's hiding under the tshirt, so he keeps his mouth shut and waits for you to see it for yourself.

"you wanted to look hot for me, did you? wanted to look just a little slutty for me, please me more than you already do?" you taunt, as you raise his shirt up till you're resting the heels of your palms against his collarbones, shirt bunched up between your fingers — he holds his tongue though, because he wants you to see it.

you trace you gaze up his torso, from the beautiful carved abdominal muscles and the lines that follow from his lower back, up to his pectorals, and—

and all at once, your eyes fall onto the swirl of ink that's carved right over his heart, and your tongue stills. your thumb comes down to press gently at one of the studs, but your stare is now locked onto the black calligraphy that sits and waits for you, atop tender, blushed skin.

it's his turn to smirk now, to tease you, to ask you where all your catty remarks went.

but he can't, because you stare at the tattoo on his chest, and when your eyes stumble over to find his, you look stunned — when you look up at him, your lashes flutter, your gaze softens and swells with something so soft and full of love, and your lips part, but nothing comes out for a few moments, and suddenly, he's rendered speechless, too.

"k-kaku." you stutter, fingers leaving the piercing to go and gently trace over the tattoo. it's your name, and you spell it out with your fingers, carefully running your finger over each letter, so gentle, like he could break. "you got a tattoo. of my name."

"over my heart." he tells you, and you swallow thickly. "over my heart, because you own it, my love."

the ring on your finger flashes in the light of the TV, when you rest it against his chest. "h-have i told you, kakucho? that i love you?" your voice comes out in a murmur.

"you have." he says, and when he brings his hand up to cup your cheek in his palm, you feel the cold metal of the matching ring that's on his finger, too. "and i want you to know that i love you too. just as much. maybe more."

"i love you more, baby." you say, as he expects, and he lets out a soft, short laugh before he leans in and closes the distance between your lips.

it's when he kisses you, and kisses you again, before moving back a little for a breath of air, that your hand suddenly slides back to his nipple and curls its fingers around the stud, and yanks.

"hah, what the fuck—" you stop him from breaking the kiss by bringing your other hand up to his nape, pulling him back in so his hot, heavy groan falls into your mouth, and you eat it up, smiling against his lips as you yank again.

his cock twitches under the sweats he's got on, and you giggle, making him feel all the more fucking embarrassed. "this is why you got them, right?" you coo, bringing him close for another kiss. "so i can tug on your tits while i sit on your cock."

"fuck," he hisses, and his tongue slides into your open mouth at the same time that he grabs your ass and pulls your hips against his, grinding his hardening cock against you. "wanna see something else i got for you, then?"

"what?" you gasp at the friction he allows you, and when he pushes you back a little, you're indignant at first, but then — then he grabs the waistband of his sweats and pulls it down, all of a sudden so bold and confident, and you see the stud sitting so gorgeously under the flushed head of his cock, glittering pale silver, matching the ones fixed to his nipples.

you stare, enamoured, but before you can even take the sight in properly, he reaches over and grabs your jaw between two fingers, turning your face back up, pulling your gaze back up to meet his own.

"so, my love." he says, and you shiver at how deep his tone is. "do you like it?"

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violetnotez · 4 years

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HC: Being Super Fluffy and Giving Them Lots of Love!

Anonymous: Could I request something for Izuku, Todoroki, Shinso and Bakugo. They're doing their own thing and are super concentrated or something and reader is just so entranced by them and they're so glad to have be able to call them their boyfriend and reader just gently cups their face and gives them and the most love filled, soft kiss cause AGH THEY'RE PRECIOUS TO READER! 😭 You can totally ignore this if you don't wanna 😂😂😂 I just feel so soft rn

Ahhhhh this is adorable anon! Honeslty some days I just wanna give these babies the biggest hugs UGHHHHHH

Also I changed up my layout a little to be more “aesthteic”, so sorry it it looks different! Do you like it? Drop me a comment on this post or inbox about which style you like better (the usualllll vs. this one!)

Buy Me A Ko-fi! | Masterlist

Pairings: Izuku x reader, Shoto x reader, Shinso x reader, Bakugo x reader

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆ ｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆ ｡･:*:･ﾟ

I Z U K U

You and Izuku are having another study night, your body sitting next to his

Obviouskyyyyyyyy this boy does nothing but study smh

But you had completely given up- your brain had shut down after an hour and now you were just half listening to Midoirya mumble and half just admiring your adoarble boyfriend

You honestly miss seeing him look so domestic- you always see him in his uniform, his hero suit, and occasionally his All Might PJs on the weekends

But it feels like agessss since you’ve seen him in proper clothing

He looks just so cute in his teal sweatshirt, his scars peeking out of his sleeves as he wrote random equations on his paper

And his mannerisms are just so adorable-his tongue is poking out of his lips as he tried to work through a math problem, his eyes squinted in concentration and freckles dusting his cheeks like stars

How did you get so lucky getting someone so sweet and cute as him?

“If two goes into this fraction then possibly the variable will be isolated once I subtract the four-” hes mumbling under his breath, his voice so comforting against your ears

You lean your head against his shoulder, the scent of him just barely noticeable but so intoxicating-

AND HES SOOOO WARMMMM

“’Zuku?” you asked tiredly, a lovesick smile plastered on your face

The sound of your voice breaks Izuku’s thoughts, his brows softening as he looks down at you

“Yes puppy-oh, are you getting tired? You look pretty sleepy...maybe we should take a break-”

omg why is he so sweetttttt

You just feel so calm, so comforted with Izuku it felt like your chest was just filled to the brim with love for this boy

Without warning, you leaned up to Izuku and kissed him softly on the lips, your head feeling like it was spinning from butterflies

AHHH HE COMBUSTING TOO THO

Once you pull away, Izuku’s cheeks are as bright as cherries and you cant help but smile, cause seriosuly no matter how many times you kiss him he ALWAYS gets flustered

“You know I love you right?” you tell him, butterflies filling your stomach as he looks down at you withe wide, green eyes

COMBUSTING IZUKU IS DECEASED REPEAT IZUKU.EXE IS NO MORE

“o-of course! I-I-love you too!” he stuttered out, his nerves so intense that his tongue was like lead in his mouth

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

S H O T O

It was just one of those crappy

CRAPPY NIGHTS

You couldnt sleep, it was too hot, you were uncomfrotable, your ,ind was racing

And once you DID fall you course had a gut wrenching nightmare that left you panting and sweating from fear

WHAT THE HECK BRAIN

So time for some good ol’ Shoto cuddles

And that’s how your now cuddled up into Shoto’s side, his body keeping you nice and cool

This boy was literally the sweetest- even though it was like1 in the morning, he couldnt care less about that and just focused on you

He quickly knew something was wrong when you were waiting in the doorway, his strong arms encasing you in atight hug

“Y/n dear, are you feeling alright? Whats bothering you?”

You just snuggled yourself deeeepppp into that boy cause he felt so comforting, his voice was velvety

also how does he always smell like detergent and expensive ass cologne like yessir thats the scent for meeeee

He quickly ushered you inside his room, his hands gripping your shoulders firmly

Literally all fears from that dream melted away with Shoto- his energy was so unbelievably strong and protective, it felt like nothing bad in the world would ever happen cause Shoto was there, and he wouldnt let anything bad happen to you

Also- seeing him in a plain white tee and black shorts literally could have made you swooned, cause god this boy really looks hot in anything huh?

He didnt judge you in the slightest about the dream, just offering for you to spend the night with him

Your head was cuddled into his firm chest, that intoxicating detergent-cologne-rich boy smell making your insides feel fluffy like cotton as his hands quietly brushed the hairs away from your face

He’s ask you small question, like “Are you comfortable dear?” or “Is that dream still bothering you”, just little things to make you feel more safe and open to talk to him

Shoto never wanted you to feel like you had to hide anything from him, and the effort really showed

You were know getting sleepy but the overwhelming feeling of appreciation and love for Shoto was exploding out of you

At this point you just wanted to show your undying gratitude to your boyfriend for being so unbelievably adorable and sweet

You shifted yourself, propping yourself slightly on his stomach so you could look at his face

damn this boy really got blessed with all the good genes huh?

You ran your fingers lightly against his skin, relishing the slight changes from cool to hot, your hands cupping his cheeks and feeling both sensations course through your body

Once you felt him sigh from content, you took it up a notch, leaving feather light kisses on his sheeks, his brows, his eyes, his scar...any avaliable skin you marked with yours

“Love, may I ask what you’re doing- you should be sleeping right now, its quite late-”

“I wanna show you I love you tho...” you sent the boy a pout, a deep chuckle rumbling through his chest and vibrating throughout your body

“But I already know you love me,” he grinned sheepishly cause god your just so adorable, like a puppy desperate to give their owner attention

“Well-I still want to show you,” you stated, your voice slightly thick from sleep as you continued to kiss the rest of Shoto’s face

All this boy could do was lean into his pillow, his hands finding themselves on your waist cause he knew you were gonna do this until you were tired

He wasnt complaining though- you being cuddly and cute like this literally rocked his world in the best way possible

“You know- your very endearing when your half asleep”

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

S H I N S O

Shinso is probably the most hardcore gamer you know

It was late in the night, and this guy was still going at it, now playing a game of Mario Kart on the TV, the screen bright against his features

You had gotten tired of the video games, just deciding to watch your boyfriend play instead of being the one to play

And god were you happy with THAT decision

He just looked so...adorable, his body clad in a tight black tee and baggy gray sweats, once foot straight and one foot bent as he sat on the floor playing

His hair was unruly as ever, sticking out in every direction

HIs eyes were completely enraptured by the task in front of him, scanning the screen

He was just so cute, lookking so intense yet so sleep deprived

it was adorable how badly he wanted to beat the player playing against him

And then he went a licked HIS LIPS

IN THE MIDDLE OF PLAYING

Your face erupted in red cause

OMG

HES JUST SO HOT AND PRETTY AND UGHHHHHHH

You waited unpatiently to the last round, the music picking up pace as he sped to the finish line, hes cart victoriously earning 1st place

The dude didnt even cheer, just the most self absorbed smirk plastered on his face in pride

THAT IS WHEN YOU POUNCEDDDDD

You quickly plopped yourself gently into his lap, your thighs cradling his sides

“Aww whats the matter kitten, not giving you enough attention?”

Yours hands fell against the softness of the black shirt and oh thank godddddd its so thin, your digits trailing upward and feeling the slight ridges of his muscles underneath the fabric

“No....its just- its not fair for you to look so cute while playing games and I cant cuddle you....”

“Heh, I look cute?”

This boy really cannot fathom how you find him so endearing, and now you just want to prove it to him

“Mmhmm,” you answer a smile on your lips as you cup his face in your hands

HIs hair is so tickly against the tips of your fingers, his broad chest radiating heat throughout your body

Your start to leave quick kisses on him, starting from his checks and working in towards his mouth, but not quite kissing him square on the lips

The closest you get to kissing him is on the corners of his lips, leaving electric sparks against his skin

The boy is desperate now

You cant just do that to him

“Aww cmon darling, dont tease me like that” he sends you a cocky grin, his pointer finger gently tilting your chin and pulling you into a deep kiss

SHINSO IS A GOOD KISSER FIGHT ME ON THIS

Once you pull away, your head is just spinning cause goddddd this boy is just a blessing

“Let me play one more round, and then we’ll head off to bed, alright?” he asks, his free hand now cupping your cheek

You sigh in content, your hands wrapping around his waist and snuggling into his chest, a warm, smoky smell like cedarwood drifitng to your senses and lulling you to relax

“Okay...”

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

B A K U G O

“Im winning this damn bear for you-”

“Katsuki no you already wasted $15 now lets go-”

“Im WiNiNiNG. ThE DaMn. BEAR- SO SHUT IT AND LET ME CONCENTRATE >:(”

You have been standing here for 10 minutes now, Bakugo determinnneddddd to win this gigantic teddy bear for you from a claw machine at an arcade

You feel so bad about it, but honestly, its turned into a personal grudge from him now

HES DETERMINED TO WIN IT AND MAKE YOU HAPPY

While your watching him you cant help it but find him adorable

Hes wearing a plain black tee and jean jacket, something he NEVER wears but looks so good on him?

This boy could be a model fight me on this

His face is the cutest tho-

You can tell he’s absolutely pissed cause he expected to win the animal way sooner than this, his eyebrows pointed downward and his teeth gnawing at his bottom lip

and then

AND THEN

THIS BOY FINALLYYYYYYY GETS IT

He’s trying his hardest not to start cheering cause he really just did that (after wasting $25 but ya know we’ll overlook that)

Your so happy too and that triumphant look on his face just melts your heart

cause he may be a cocky asshole but hes YOUR cocky asshole

“Ha- see told you I’d win it!”

Whatverrrrrr- you roll your eyes, your hands already snuggling the big bear up to your cheek

ITS SO SO SOFT AND SQUISHY YOU MIGHT CRY FROM THE CUTENESS

Your mind is already thinking of where to put it in your room (names too??) but then you look up at your boyfriend and UGH you could literally melt on the spot

cause he looks SO PROUD and SO SOFT- his hands stuffed into the pocket of his pants as he gives you the smallest, happiest little smirk everrrrr

Your just feeling so grateful for the boy in front of you right now, that you put the teddy bear down and wrap Bakugo into a hug

Bakugo always acts like he doesnt want physical attention, especially in public-

But you know this boy lovessss to be touched, so when he returns the hug and gives your sides a small squeeze your weakkk in the knees

AND HE SMELLS SO GOOD

Always like caramel and something rich like firewood

You give him a quick kiss on the back of his neck

AND HOLY SHIT

HES COMBUSTING

Thank god the arcade is dark cause you would totally see his blush (something he will deny)

You pull away a smile on your face as you tell him thank you,

And

*le sigh

of course he ruins the whole cute moment you two had by saying, “Whatever-your the one who wanted the damn thing even though your too old for that shit-”

Just remind him of the All Might figures he secretly had stashed in his closet and he will combust again

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆ ｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆ ｡･:*:･ﾟ

Taggings:

Everything Taglist:

@bunnythepipsqueak @pasteldaze @ionlyspeakinmyheroacademia @notadrian @hithoeshi @sizzlingbarbarianglitter @sunnie-nugget @shoutosteakettle @we-mentally-unstable @sm0kingcrack

Izuku Taglist:

@pyrofanatic @askgiggles @ask-giggles1303 @local-space-quexn @ihavenolife842

Shoto taglist:

@teddybear-jelly @mishtimitsuri

Bakugo Taglist:

@pyrofanatic @kai-charm

Get Tagged to My Taglist Here!

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beann-e · 3 years

Text

-tried to make it a bit long so you could enjoy , happy birthday I hope you have a fun day 🥺

Celebrating your birthday

Goshiki

- you always praised goshiki ever since youd been dating you would tell him how amazing he was , how he was the best player on his team , encourage the way he talked badly about his opposing teams ace saying his was much better and he’d be even more awesome when he took ushijimas spot as ace

- goshiki has never felt like he’s done enough to be awarded your praise though he won’t tell you

- no not when you place kisses all over his face and on his red stained hands from hitting the ball so hard that night, applying moisturizer on his callouses he’d gotten from the constant beat down at practice or even just kissing him softly and whispering you got this in his ear the night before a game.

- For weeks youd been telling goshiki your birthday was coming up but why had he suddenly gone missing ? your boyfriend was MIA everyday since youd told him. He was always working late and coming home at 2 am walking through the house only to fall into bed and ignore the hugs you tried to provide for his tired body Him falling asleep as soon as you sighed and took it on your own accord to wrap your arms around his waist and pull him back into you

-It was enevitable that he would have a game on your birthday him explaining that he felt horrible and could happily ditch it your brain knowing that he would only be sad the whole day if you let him. No matter how much volleyball came in between you two for the last few weeks you’d still been adamant about wanting the best for him. You telling him with a smile you didn’t care what you did for your birthday as long as you spent it with him. though you did ask for your present to be what he always teased you about telling you that one day he would get you a seat on his teams bench so you could see him play up close.

- you never actually thought he’d do it. You thanking everyone as they walked past you on the bench gifting you your small happy birthdays before the match began

- your heart swelling everytime you saw your boyfriend make a point and it wasn’t until the last few seconds of the match that you felt something was off

The air swirled around you as your body felt a chill run through it your eyes making contact with your boyfriends as he looked away and jumped in the air his serious face focused on nothing other than that moment as the whistle sounded. His teammates eyes widened in shock as they held their mouths open goshikis eyes falling to his hands looking in amazement before he looked down and realized there was a body clinging to him yelling into his chest

Your loud cries falling from your mouth before you or anyone else could speak

“ YOU MADE THE LAST SHOT —A CROSS SHOT BABY — YOU WON THE GAME “

You’d never thought this is what would have made your day. Him blinking twice before he ran off the court trying to get you as far away from the cheers of his team and coach as he could

ignoring the protest from the referees that stated he couldn’t do it screaming at him that he had to say his thanks firsts.

he scooped you up in his arms kissing you harshly before pulling back to breathe heavily him half expecting to see a smile when he looked down at you only to see your face concentrated on the floor trying to understand all these past weeks him explaining it for you

“I was working —- working so hard on perfecting the cross shot for you baby “ his sweaty jersey clinging to him as he smiled widely at you who was spluttering nothing but small praises for him

“ every night after practice —I spent perfecting it so you could come here tonight and see i’m not a loser — that’s what I wanted to give you for your birthday I didn’t know what else to give you “

he felt his eyes trying to water as he wiped his wet jersey over his face “ your always saying how you want me to master what I love to do and I— i did it and I — I gifted it to you — and I just I love you so much — your so dedicated to me that you came here on your birthday and I “

“ I wanted nothing else all I wanted was to be with you — that’s all I wanted to do and seeing you perfect something that you’ve been trying to do since I met you is just “ you planted your head on his chest “ it’s amazing your so cool goshiki “

Your boyfriends head spinning rapidly when all your praises suddenly hit him now knowing the only thing that could make this better would be to show off that he’d just scored the last point and won the game for his team

He felt on top of the world right now he had his fine ass s/o wrapped around him like a teddy bear and he was being praised and told there was no one as cool as him in the world

His brain short circuited as the team tried to pull you away to stop feeding his ego until they just sighed and let goshiki tell them how much better of an ace he was gonna be than ushijima your eyes going hard on ushijima as you mumbled “ birthday “

your boyfriend not seeing the shake that ran through the taller males body at the one word that had been laced with so much malice and just a slight teasing to it as if daring him to diagree and as brutally honest as ushijima was he was not stupid

he shook his head up and down quickly only agreeing that goshiki did have a chance with a reassuring yes slipping out after. His hand immediately grabbing tendous arm to walk away in fear of you

Your birthday being made as you saw the male in front of you happy that’s all that mattered to you right now. This is what made your day your boyfriend working hard on something not only because of himself but because he wanted to impress you that was when you felt loved.

That was the best birthday present knowing you’d always be engraved in someone’s mind as the simple push — the person that helped them better what they couldn’t do on their own.

sakusa

-sakusa honestly didn’t know what to do for your birthday he knew anything you’d come up with he’d have to go out of his comfort zone so he was trying to mentally prepare himself for that fact alone 2 months prior to your birthday

- he wasn’t that surprised when you said that all you wanted for your birthday was to go out to eat lunch with your boyfriend at least once. Him rolling his eyes asking why you two couldnt just order takeout and he could buy you some dollar decorations and could pop a happy birthday pin on you and call it a day

- you only answering with a straight faced and voice monotoned “ we’ve had takeout 2 weeks in a row ‘kusa “

-“ and it was good—no ? we enjoyed our own house atmosphere and being alone yes ? “

-“ and it was cold because you made us clean off the table then switch the plates that the food came in then wash our hands then for the last step watch as we reheated it. His eyes rolling as he plopped on the couch agreeing to go out but only with setting rules and boundaries for himself on this small birthday party between you two

- you two would only go somewhere he knew they cleaned and wore gloves to cook. or even at least might wipe down the tables and somehwrr he would be comfortable with by knowing the owners

- which is how you two ended up at onigiri miya with osuma giving you guys a discount off -- which wasn’t that much may I say —- atsuma siting with suna while he snapped pictures posting them to the group chat with the caption ‘ our germbabies first day out ‘

- you sighing happily as you looked to your left and right oh yeah his other rule was the two tables next to you had to be pushed as far away from yours as possible because he wouldn’t go if you two were just going to be packed and seated in the middle of the restaurant with people he didn’t know

“ I hope your happy “ his tone was snappy and accusing as he gripped his mask away from his face directing his spoon under the mask slowly

“ ‘kusa come on take off your mask “

he grunted rolling his eyes at you “ havent you gotten enough “

“ please wanna see your pretty face “ he felt heat spread throughout his body and spread across his face as he muttered small protests and profanities at your words

the mask being pulled off and crumbled in his right hand looking at you heavily “ god anything else you want —want to take away my sanity too huh “ he laughed “ you’ve stripped away all my other safety precautions whats next “

you smiled happily voice slipping out excitedly knowing you’d scare him with your next request “ let’s go to the pool after lunch “ he felt his body tighten at your claim he hated to tell you he wasn’t going to do something on your birthday or to tell you no but

“ no “ he spat as his your brows furrowed “ havent you gotten enough — ive put myself close to — and directly in the line of death enough for you today “ he said staring at you from across the table

his own body jumping a bit when a person tried to walk over to him for a picture shaking his head and face made up in disgust at their maskless face and how they simply looked like they’d gotten dressed in the dark

“ god —look at this i’m ready to go—I can’t do this much longer my love your days over “

“ babe seriously you didn’t even give me a present“

he laughed as he stood up putting his mask back on and tucking the money for your lunch into the receipt given to him before raising his hand halfheartedly waving the waiter down and nodding his head at them before walking behind you hand placed on the small of your back directing you through the loud and rather messy crowd

“ you’ve gotten your present from me already “ he whispered “ you’ve gotten to see me maskless — in a crowded environment if I may add and you didn’t get sick so yay “

you laughed as he spoke again “ enjoy it cause you won’t get it again “ he tore his mask off smiling softly at you as you studied his face

it wasnt the fact that he wasn’t wearing his mask you’d already seen him maskless when you two were alone. What made your birthday was the fact he was willing to go so far out of his comfort zone for you.

He never would have just went out to a resteraunt and ate his food around others and allow others to cook his food without him seeing it done physically himself and making sure nothing bad was happening. much less him taking his mask off around other people — people he didn’t know

you couldn’t help but feel a flutter as you looked through the car window he was right you were enjoying this because you knew you would never get it again not until another birthday when you would have sukusa go out of his comfort zone time and time again just to remind you how much he truly loved you and would do anything to make your birthday a special day for you

lev

- lev is a child he likes doing fun things you were no different yourself and if you were you could always calm him down and assume the role of parenting but then again if you weren’t someone of maturity that could maybe explain why you two were in jail on your birthday.

- Kenma and kuroo outside your cell dressed up in pajamas kenmas game boy clicking away as the two stared into the cell kuroos eyes boring into your boyfriends kenma occasionally eyeing you a bit intrigued with this side of you he’d never seen before

-Kuroo taking the dad role while kenma whispered behind him about how lev was an idiot and you — he couldn’t say anything about you

-he just assumed that idiot lev here was the one who decided to go in an abandoned house and wreck the whole thing only to find out that you were the one who came up with it

-the original idea was for you two to do what you saw on a movie where a woman destroyed an old house no one used for fun and to let all her fustratuons out and since it was your birthday —not that it would have mattered if it wasn’t —lev would have still done it with you birthday or not but now since it was your birthday this gave him even more reason to show little to no hesitation to follow behind you

-Which is not what you two really needed from each other

-when you both went to town on the house even breaking the outer walls of the dirty building levs arms reaching the ceiling with every pull back of the hammer to the wall he made. You and lev looking at each other happily when you turned to see the woman at the screwed up houses threshold

-“ oh hey you must be here —we must of had the same idea “ you smiled even harder when she returned it only for your smile to drop when you watched her call 911 with a laugh telling them how she was gonna get so much money and be able to buy a new house and get out of this rundown neighborhood because of two stupid kids

-your body sweating and looking away when kuroo beat into him about it saying how he now had to talk the lady out of suing

-your eyes darting to kenmas all knowing ones when lev screamed that you came up with the idea earlier and really lev just didn’t want you to be sad on your birthday so he just simply followed behind kuroos claims because he loves you and honestly it originally sounded fun before the arrest

“ god y/n —legs here is an idiot but never expected him to bring you into this “ kenmas voice challenged you as he smirked softly at his game” huh always felt like it would have been the other way around when it came to who influenced who “ your body stiffened as a cough leaked out

“ huh “ kuroo looked dumbfounded at his friends words

“ nothing kuroo just perfect a match a—perfect match “

The ride home was long as you two thanked kuroo and kenma before you ran down the sidewalk looking back at lev “ there’s still an hour to my birthday “

lev smiled as he watched you get further into the distance “ which means “

“ tag “ you screamed him following “ Y/N WE JUST GOT ARRESTTED “

“ AND SOMEONE IN CANDA JUST PUKED UP RED BEANS — COME ON “ he found himself laughing you suited him so well he always loved having fun and everyday was fun with you

his body finally catching up to yours as he tagged you wrapping his arms around your waist and pulling you into his own body panting softly yours leaning back against his chest and looking up “ babe you see the stars “

you nodded at him smiling “ so pretty “

“ yeah really they are“

“ they always look so happy and beautiful and just bright—- they always make me feel calm at peace and just they settle my nerves “

he turned you to face him looking into your eyes as he smiled kissing you softly mouths moving to the tune of a song as he you smiled into the kiss head falling to his chest while he sighed in content in this moment

“ couldnt have described you better—“ your face went up in surprise that he thought those things about you “ happy birthday y/n”

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maggyme13 · 3 years

Text

Please don´t die on me... Please

AN: This is my entry for @some-piece ´s 2.5k Follower celebration.

My prompt is the title of this fic and I chose a

Platonic! Killer X Reader pairing.

Wordcount : around 1.1 k

Warnings: Battle, angst , cursing (its the kid´s pirates: duh.)

I HOPE IT IS UNDERSTANDABLE its like 10pm here and work is hell, so my brain sometimes does not really work grammar wise.

The Damage was heavy and the Victoria Punk was barely able to stay afloat since the battle started a day ago.

It all began during their stay at the last island almost a week in the past. The crew had been drinking and partying at this little bar at the edge of town for most of the day.

Killer and Heat had gotten into a drinking match that resulted in the later burping flames at one point. This paired with his love for spicy food quickly turned into a “hot” situation: the capsaicin contained in the Chili turned his breath, and therefor his flames, into bio-hazard weapon.

Because of this very reason he was banned from drinking a lot of booze while being on the sea.

The first time this happened, the men of the crew decided to try and use it to their advantage.

It failed. Horribly so. Why? His aim was off because of the alcohol concentration within his bloodstream and he burned everything down except his targets.

One of the things he burned was you.

And ohh did you not like it. You were furious and it took Killer, Wire and the Captain to get you off him. But not without getting themselves a few bumps and bruises as well. They had played their own part in the incident after all.

Now back to the situation at hand. “Captain Shakesbeer, it is a long way back to the island I hope it was worth it attacking us over just some burned hair.”, you growled down at the opposing captain who was kneeling on his deck, before jumping in the air and destroying the ship with one last haki-fueled punch.

“Now back to you lot!”, you hissed, eyeing every single male with squinted eyes, “Think about a good story you can tell me as an excuse as to why this all had to happen. I will go and make me something to drink.”

A bunch of bruised and scratched faces nodded in understanding, with not even Captain Kidd daring to bring one of his many “I am the Captain” speeches. He knew better than to argue when you were pissed and in need of something to drink.

But it would never come to that: stepping into the kitchen you froze. It had gotten damaged during the battle, the ceiling and walls had multiple holes caused by canon balls and the kitchen was in more chaos than after a drunken brawl between Captain Kidd and Killer.

You sighed, it would be a lot of work to get the kitchen back to how it was before and you cursed yourself for sinking the other ship. You could have made Captain Kidd and the others transfer the kitchen (at least what was working) to the Victoria Punk and maybe get an upgrade out of it.

But you couldn´t even think about running back on deck to see if there might be some way to salvage the wreck, because it was that moment you saw what you feared to see: Your savior in this world of drunken idiots, cruel pirates, and unpredictable weather laying between the rubble of what was once the thick oaken table that had survived far to many fights between the crew.

A screamed filled with pain and grief left your lungs and you sunk to your knees.

“no no no no no!!!”, you cursed, injuring your hands and legs trying to get the rubble out of your way.

Splinters embedded into the palms of your hands. But you did not care. You needed to save your comrade. You owed it. You couldn´t survive one day on this ship without the help you received.

While you scrambled and cursed you were fixated on the meekly shimmering lights of life you could still see, and the broken noises that reached your ears.

“Please”, you sobbed, “Please don´t die on me...Please.”

But no pleading and cursing helped, the second your fingertips touched the cold body of Winston, the lights went dark and no noise reached your ears. He was dead, and you couldnt do anything to help.

“NO!!!”, you sobbed in agony, your fists hitting the ground beneath you in anger.

Until strong, yet gentle hands grabbed your wrists and pulled you against his chest.

“Shh. Calm down, (y/n).”, Killer hummed. He was your closest friend on the Victoria Punk. The one you talked to whenever something (or someone) was on your mind. He was the one you would entrust with shopping for you on islands whenever you had watch, and he was the one you snuggled against when the crew went out for a night of drinks and you were to tired / drunk to keep going. It went so far that the crew joked you were together. But in reality, you were more like twins, two sides of the same coin.

“What´s wrong? Are you injured?”, he asked, worry clearly edging into his voice.

“NO. Well yes, but … WINSTOOOOOOOON!”, you sobbed, “He is dead! And I couldn´t do anything to help.”

A sigh left his chest and a small chuckle followed. He had feared the worst when he had heard your scream and then found you in that state.

“Winston. You are crying and screaming like this because of Winston?”, he asked for clarification.

“YES!! He is the only thing that helped me stay sane during long bouts on the sea! And now he is dead. I can see his innards.”

“(Y/N).”, he hummed, “I bet Captain Kidd can revive him.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes. And I am sure it will be his top priority. And if not I am sure he, Heat and Wire will get you a new one.”

“NO! No one can replace Winston. He made the best hot cocoa ever! And the temperature for tea is always perfect. And don´t let me get started on the coffee….”

“(y/n). I bet there are machines out in the grand line that are just as good or even better. Just please: don´t cry and do not kill the Idiots before they were able to find one.”

“So it WERE those three who caused the trouble.”, you squinted, your pain over the lost of your morning beverage nearly forgotten, “They will life. At least until they got me a new coffee-machine. And it better be one worthy of a world-noble.”

A cold wave of haki pulsed through the ship, letting every single member of the crew shiver in discomfort.

“You want to go and see what is taking Killer so long to look after (y/n)?”, Heat asked his Captain on deck.

“Am I crazy? You heard her scream. And seeing that there is no fighting going on I assume the kitchen did not survive the battle. Captain would be crazy going there now. Better we wait for Killer to return and tell us what happened and in how much trouble we are.”, Wire mused and the other two nodded in acceptance. They all knew you needed your drink in the morning, and without… lets just say you were not known as the “Victorian Banshee” for no reason.

AN2.0: hihihihi, WHo would have thought about a small plotttwist like that happening? I hope thas was allowed, if not: my apologies !

So what do you think?

#2500 gremlins for bas #massacre soldier killer #kidd pirates #platonic relationships #killer x reader #one piece

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shunsuiken · 4 years

Note

fluffy scenarios of kita, akaashi, and iwaizumi staying up with their fem s/o because she's studying for a big exam please & thank you

im serious when i tell u i couldnt stop smiling when i wrote this, thanks for requesting anon <3

kita, akaashi and iwaizumi staying up with their fem s/o because she’s studying for an exam.

—kita shinsuke.

kita is 100% the type of person who has a consistent sleeping schedule

like bitch will sleep at 10pm and wake up at 5am bright and early and fucking gorgeous

you’ll never catch this guy slippin’ (the inarizaki vbc will upvote this statement)

the latest he’ll stay up is midnight which means that hes going to take more of the afternoon and evening to study

you’ll be studying with him in his room and kita will make sure the surroundings are peaceful enough for you to study effectively

he never hesitates to help you with some topics you don’t understand for the classes you both take

sometimes gives you studying tips that are really helpful

you check the time just to see how far you’ve come- its almost 10pm

youre worried about kita because bby has to sleep and you don’t want him to stay up for you !!

“kita?? kita where’d you go?” you’ll call out, thinking he’s already getting ready to head to bed

but you find him in the kitchen and you smell... noodles??? you watch him pour them into two separate bowls huh?

“i know you’ll be staying up late so have some noodles to regain energy.” he’ll carefully glide the bowl over to your side of the table, his black-dyed hair tips were still damp from taking a shower earlier

oof sis were u that focused on ur work that you didn’t realise he went down to cook you sth??

you have your notes in your hands, walking over to the table and sitting down “you’re not heading to bed yet? you don’t have to wait for me yknow.”

he turns the stove off, bringing his bowl of noodles to the table. “don’t you still have a few topics to cover? let’s continue.”

your face goes :O but your heart goes 💓💓💓

unbeknownst to himself, he’ll casually play with your feet under the table while he asks you questions to answer omg :( hes so cute tf

youre basically having a midnight study date with him

he’ll also compliment you when he feels like you’re running out of energy because he knows it gives you energy boosts :”)))

—akaashi keiji.

i firmly believe that this bby is a master at all nighters and does them when necessary

so when 9pm or 10pm hits, you both are in the kitchen making coffee because you know you still have much more to study

you love watching keiji make coffee like sometimes you stop stirring your own just to watch him and when he notices hes like “😳😳 what”

and you just shrug “you’re cute”

i guess keiji’s not used to your random compliment bursts so he just //blushes//

and then u give him a kith because his cute face deserves it

youre also wearing his sweater because he has an abundance of them in his closet and you totally raid it every few days

you guys head back to his room and begin studying again

the night is tranquil and the house is silent, it truly feels so serene when you put aside the thought of your final exams

then you remind yourself of the reality and it feels like shit all over again

akaashi obviously senses your distress so he put a hand on your outstretched leg. the warmth plays with your cool skin, relaxing your nerves a tad bit

it was the little things he did that made u feel better and maybe if you squint a little harder, you’ll know he’s telling you “i love you”

akaashi’s gonna be finished with his coffee within five minutes LMAO hes a fast sipper

youre wondering how hes able to pull this off every few months but i guess everyone has their own secret super power no?

at some point you find yourself dozing off at 1.30

“you ready for tomorrow?” “absolutely not” pfft. akaashi’s gonna think. he’ll drag your ass to his bed so you can sleep properly and avoid straining a muscle

“get rest, love, you should at least be awake for the exam.” is the last thing hear before you fall asleep on his comfy sheets

—iwaizumi hajime.

lots of chaos in the beginning and thats because you two made a stupid joke about godzilla and now you can’t stop laughing like a dumbass every time you look at iwa

“y/n look at me-” “PFFFTTT” its literally the middle of the night and youve probably awoken the dead 🤷🏻‍♀️ no biggie tho

lowkey makes it easier for you to study because you’re awake awake yknow?

iwa defs likes to take care of you. he’ll pass you a drink to sip on whenever it looks like youre about to lose concentration and asks you from time to time if you feel like youve studied enough

WILL GIVE YOU A MASSAGE but you tell him no because that’ll only make you sleepier

asks you questions about your exam material. he sometimes gets confused by the question because he doesn’t take that class

he actually finds it cute when you have to shut your eyes to think of the answer and when you open them, hes staring at you fondly

its like “😳 is there something on my face you porcupine”

DID I JUST CALL IWA A PORCUPINE

this will lead you two into tickle fights and iwa convinced (not really) you that you should have regular tickle fights because ENERGY and BRAIN AWAKE 👍🏼

“call me a porcupine one mo-” ok this is cute because he tickles a spot that is super ticklish for you and you look- omg- you look so adorable all smiley

back to the studying part haha oh no youre starting to get sleepy

but you don’t wanna sleep yet!! you barely covered enough but iwa’s been watching u study and hes pretty sure you’ve covered the entire book since you started earlier this morning

idk i just feel like it would be nice if you laid flat on his lap and he just asks you questions and you try to answer them

his touch is just very nice and makes you feel safe yknow :)

you end up dozing off most of the time but you do try your very best to stay awake pls stop ur making iwa combust

after fifteen minutes of questions, you’ll surrender, exhausted

“tired?” you’ll hum in agreement and he’ll flip you over just to carry you into bed, tucking you in

#haikyuu!!#kita shinsuke #akaashi keiji #iwaizumi hajime #haikyuu x reader #kita shinsuke x reader #akaashi x reader #akaashi keiji x reader #iwaizumi x reader #iwaizumi hajime x reader #haikyuu fluff #hq x reader #haikyuu headcannons #haikyuu scenarios #hq scenarios #hq imagines #hq fluff #haikyuu

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smutty-ki113r · 3 years

Note

I will definitely share my experience with you if it makes you feel motivated!!!!!

Now, first of all, it took me a WHILE to finally shift. AND LMFAO THE FIRST TIME I SHIFTED I GOT SCARED AND WENT BACK TO MY CR AND I WAS SO PISSED, but like after a couple more tries I finally was able to shift again and omfg it gave me euphoriaaa I almost didn't want to leave but I love my friends and family in my CR too much.

When I went back to my CR though I was EXHAUSTED, so that's why I recommend taking care of your body and nourishing it correctly before you shift because there's a 99% chance that when you wake up your body will feel like crap if you don't.

The process of shifting was so aggravating, everytime I would try shifting my body would give me the signs that it was working and I would get too excited and just jump up only to be disappointed smhsmh.

Also I have this dumb thing where I always feel like there's tiny things crawling all over me and it always fucks with me when I shift. Even when I'm trying to sleep normally it pisses me off because I'm always feeling likes there's ants on me or some shit.

I honestly don't shift very often, only when I really feel like I want to, because it's really mentally exhausting and when I used to do it often I would end up getting realllyyy depressed when I wasn't in my DR and that's dangerous because I don't want to be obsessed with it and end up damaging myself. So if you do end up shifting, don't do it too often.

Anyway, when I first got into shifting and tried it out, these are things I was doing wrong:

- I wasn't taking care of my body

- I was doubting my abilities in shifting

- I wasn't meditating often

- I wasn't listening to subliminals throughout the day

Listening to subliminals often is importantttt, it helps to really engrave the shifting concept into your mind and meditating is extra important because if you want to shift healthily you're going to have to really give yourself that brain power/strength and clear away all the anxiety you have, the more you doubt your ability the shift the more your brain is going to pass on it.

Also I remember a time I was at a fucking sleepover and I decided to attempt to reality shift AND RIGHT WHEN I WAS ABOUT TO MY FRIEND WOKE UP AND SLAPPED ME BECAUSE SHE THOUGHT I DIED I-

It was frustrating.

The process is frustrating, but shifting is possible, and if you really really want to do it then you can. Keep encouraging yourself and keep researching and taking care of your body and your brain will finally get there.

Also, while you're in the process, it's also so important to NOT get distracting while you're shifting or get too excited. It will 100% mess you up. Shifting requires intense concentration and you need your body to be completely relaxed, only think about your DR and ONLY think about what will happen when you get there, will you smell or hear something, or will you open your eyes to something, it all depends on how you script it.

Also do whatever method works for you and try all kinds of methods, me personally I used a combination of the raven method, staircase method, and counting method while using a heartbeat subliminal. It may seem like a lot but it's what worked best for me personally.

Anyways, I hope this helped! ^^

👅

OK I finally have time to respond to this in DETAIL YAY! Btw, thank you so sososoosososs much for taking the time to write this out. Also you don’t have to read any of this, it’s just me talking about it lollll.

First off, UPDATE: bro I wasn’t trying to shift last night and then I was tired (3am) so I tried to sleep but couldnt so I listened to (DO NOT LAUGH ISTG) the song of unhealing cause its calming. And I started hearing this sort of muffled noise, I tried paying attention but couldnt make it out so I think it was voices. And then- holy lord I almost lost- wait no I LOST MY SHIT. I heard knocking, a fucking ACTUAL knock, I fucking. My whole body got so hot and I had to stop cause I was so excited I cried. Then I was exhausted so I went to sleep.

SECONDLY. I’ve never heard of your body being exhausted after so thank you for the tip. I used to be convinced I was there and then I wasn’t. FUCKING ME TOO! I think there’s a fucking dust particle on my arm and then an itch on my neck or something.

I have been scared of that too, because I have had (and I feel horrible saying this but it’s the internet and you dunno who I am) a very rough childhood. Maladaptive daydreaming and just pretending I somewhere else gave me a lot of trauma, especially in really bad situations. I think a huge part of why I haven’t shifted yet is because of the existential crisis I will most definitely have. I already obsess enough over this world, and now I’m trying to go? It’s hard, but I can’t NOT do it. If I stop then I won’t have a goal, and if I’m constantly going for something do I have a purpose? SEE? I can’t help it.

Ok so I’ve been trying for a while too, and I AM COMPLETLY CONFIDENT that I can do it, also that I do meditate every day! Taking care of my body is sort of a lost cause, I refuse to eat fruits and vegetivles (stupid I know) but I used to associate “healthy” foods with my *TW* an*rexia. Now I feed off pasta, also cause it’s cheaper. I sleep at 1 or 2am because why. Because I am 1. Writing and I need to post on schedule 2. Listening to music and imagining that I’m already in my dr. Or doing other unholy things. I can’t stop exercising, so Im constantly tired and heavy, I feel bad if I don’t/ do less. I have tried taking care of myself for years, it’s very, very hard.

You’re so right, I need to get the idea in my head and establish it. HOW DO YOU FEEL WHEN YOURE DOING IT? Do you detach from your body? Or do you melt through your skin?

Hehehe I do tend to get excited, but my good voice tries so hard to hold me down. I have been trying to keep myself concentrated in creative ways, just focusing on the sound of the knocking, or the sound of the fan, or the person I’m trying to get to. The person I will fucking push myself to the edge for because I want him to have someone to love him. I want him to be ok.

I know I can do it, I know it’s possible, I know I will do it. THANK YOU SO SO MUCH <3

#🚹

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mother-snake · 4 years

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🎶Guess whos back🎶 🎶back again🎶

It's me! With more Janus angst! Well, more fluff then anything... It's fluff (did you really think we could pass the 4 year anniversary of sanders sides and I wouldn't send something in?)

So!! The sides are having a huge party to celebrate 4 years. The living room is decked in all the colours of the rainbow. A mixture of all the sides music are playing through the speakers and all their favourite foods are set up. Everyone is in the living room, talking and dancing mostly but Virgil did climb on top of the fridge when Roman took out glitter. Well, everyone is in the living room except for a certain snake like side.

Janus didn't join the party. Hes still in his room in the mindscape. Not from lack of effort from the others. They knocked on his door for half an hour straight with no answer. So they just accept that Janus is going to miss this year.

At least all accept Patton.

Patton snatched Remus from the party and made him lock pick the door open. Patton opened the door slowly -so that if Jan was sleeping it wouldn't disturb him. Patton felt his heart drop when he saw the yellow side's room.

The walls were covered with scuffs and tears in the Victorian wallpaper, almost all the furniture was flipped and destroyed -burns coating some of the edges, Janus' prized record player was smashed to pieces and all of the light bulbs were shattered. Stuttering out a soft curse (holy smokes, fudge, sugar honey ice tea, etc) Patton summoned the others.

Instant chaos. Virgil immediately goes to "oh my god, Janus is dead. I need to pick up a larger work load. Thomas is never going to be able to lie again. Patton is trying to hold back tears and calm down Virgil Logan is looking throughout the room, deducing that there was a massive struggle, some things are burned but only in concentrated places and there is a small pool of blood by some shattered glass. The twins say that they feel some magic from the imagination in the room. The sides decide to follow the clues and go to the imagination to see if they can find anything else.

Luckily for them! The imagination works with a different time! 24 hours in the imagination is one hour irl. So they should be back for the party!!

When they enter the imagination the first thing they see is a bowler hat that is stained with blood and a set of foot prints. They follow it as well with picking up the hat.

Logan notices that the corner is burned and the blood is fresh -still wet and it hasn't darkened yet-

While walking they pay close attention to their surroundings and chat about what movies they want to watch when they get back to the party. The footprints are becoming scarce so they follow the occasional droplet of blood and torn piece of clothing.

They walk for hours with only the birds and setting sun to keep them company. They decide to stop and rest for the night when Logan almost falls in a hole that was hidden by the lack of light. Roman summons a few sleeping bags and sets up a fire while Virgil takes first watch. Switching throughout the night.

The next day continues more or less like it did the day before. Walking and talking.

This time ,after crossing a river, they find a yellow glove soaked in blood, some scales stuck on the fabric. If their hurry wasn't there before it was now. They quicken their pace even more. Leaving the forest they were in and moving into some plains, they thought they heard distant shouting.

"don't let me right now you monster!"

"you have no idea what I'm not capable of when I'm mad!"

"Sooner or later the others won't catch up with you!!"

All with the S' slurred and sarcastic tone that they knew oh so well. They walked up a hill to see Janus tied to a pyre, blond curls a mess and matted with dried blood, clothes torn and some scales torn off. They looked to the insane bastard that thought kidnapping the snake was a good idea to see not just one bastard. But over 30 bastards!!

Janus got kidnapped by a cult.

The cult was very stereotypical; black cloaks, a few sacrificed goats and white porcelain masks with painted scales on their face -wait a sec... Scales? Yes scales. Deceit has a cult devoted to him- and thats when it clicks for them. They want to sacrifice Janus to appease Deceit. This cult doesn't know that Janus IS Deceit. The sides face palmed when they realized how dumb these cultists are.

The cultists seem really annoyed with Janus' complaining so they gag him all while he was yelling at how he was going to skin these fucking people alive to make a skin suit -Remus was proud- but sadly. Threats don't mean much if you're tied to a pole and about to be set on fire. The people continue to prepare the dumbest sacrifice ever while the others try to figure out how to free Janus.

Virgil looks closer at the items the cultists have laid out. A spider corpse, an octopus tentacle, a bulls horn, a cats eye and a few crow feathers... This wasn't a Janus cult. This was a Dark Side cult. Virgil let out a heavy sigh and told the others his plan.

Remus and Virgil turned into their dark forms. Spider legs coming out of Virgil's back along with six more eyes sprouted, his hair also turned purple. Remus had oozing green tentacles rip from his back and his skin took a sickening green tinge, his white hair stripe also turned neon green. They teleported behind the cultists and let out animalistic growls.

The cult turned around to see the people they worshipped having a pissed off expression on their face and instantly knew they fucked up. They fell to their knees and begged for mercy all while Virgil chewed them out for kidnapping the actual Deceit -thats when that threat of a skin suit really sunk in- and how creepy it was to try to burn someone alive and to at least have some class when sacrificing someone- that went on for a while.

The other three snuck behind the cult and untied Janus, the second they untied his hands Janus ripped off the gag and turned into his dark form.

He grew six arms and his eyes glowed with a intense yellow. Golden snakes wrapped around his arms and then he let out a low hiss.

Janus sent the snakes to tie the cultists arms behind their backs and stepped down from the pyre. To be honest; every side there thought that Janus was going to murder 30 people and actually skin them, but that is NOT WHAT HAPPENNED!!!

No one expected Janus to yell at them like a disappointed mother for 2 hours straight and keep their mouths shut with his powers.

"-AND NOT ANOTHER THING! If you ignorant self centered pricks ever, and I don't mean ever, lay a single hand on another side again. YOU WILL ALL BE BURNED AT THE FUCKING STAKE!-" he went on for a while...

The ironic thing was that Janus was the youngest side so this was equal to hearing your toddler threaten arson.

After Janus was done he turned around and snatched his glove from the nearby table and changed back to his normal form all while mumbling about "some insane crazy assholes who fucking kidnapped me in the middle of scale care, fucking pricks." The other sides just followed him. Virgil and Remus changing back as they quickly caught up with Janus.

Remus could not stop laughing, Virgil was shocked that Janus could be a disappointed mother without having children, Roman was just amazed by the fact that the snake was still standing after some of those injuries. Patton wanted to give him a hug.... Ok multiple hugs... Fine he wanted to snuggle. And Logan? Logan just wanted to know more about the dark forms.

The walk was quicker back then it was to rescue the snake all while listening to Janus complaining that the pricks broke his record player and that they had the bloody AUDACITY to kidnap him! All they could think about was when Thomas called Janus the main mean girl and that they couldnt even deny it anymore.

When they made it back they patched up Janus and let him take a shower before sinking back out to join Thomas, who was just watching the office for the millionth time (pick another show sanders, I beg of you) he did perk back up when he realized that the sides were back. Then he saw the pissed off look on Janus' face... and he asked what was wrong. That set JanJan Binks off again as the others were getting a bit tired of hearing this again for the fifth time that day. So like how you distract a child.

They put on 'Chicago, the musical' and let the songs of Roxie Hart distract the snake. It worked, he shut up real quick!

The sides vowed to never let Janus get kidnapped ever again because that was.... An experience, that they DO NOT want to do again!

Thankfully the rest of the day went off well.

~~~~~

And that was an idea from 1am from someone who should be asleep! I was gonna make this angsty but all I could imagine was a pissed of Janus yelling at 30 adults.

I doubt you would want to use this but feel free! I hope this is as funny as my sleep deprived brain thinks it is!

(I'm sorry for any typos, it is very late)

(I got it! Just forgot to post it yesterday ^-^')

One, Yes. I love it. The beautiful angst... And ferral janus is something I absolutely die for.

(would say more but my brain has short circuited and I'm in boi, strict teach... But I'll put more later!)

#Tw blood #virgil sanders #thomas sanders #roman sanders #janus sanders #Roman sanders #Remus sanders #Patton sanders #logan sanders #tw kidnapping

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homestucky · 5 years

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i know ive posted abt it before so sorry for being a broken record but like........... my focus these days is so bad, and i say these days like i can ever remember it being good...... if i try to pay attention to something for more than 1 whole minute my brain starts shrieking and blowing steam like an old timey kettle. ive spent the past 4 days ‘flat out’ working on this paper but the pace is still somehow so slow bcaus i cant even flippign. read the papers im meant to be writing about. like i will pull an all nighter for this and then write 1 page. i just feel like.... this must mean something, right?? or is this just what im like?? am i stupid?? idk what this means. maybe im just tired or not cut out for this. ive been toying with the idea of talking to my doctor about the idea of me having adhd bcaus i think itd explain a lot but there are also considerable parts of how ive heard it described that i dont relate to. and the idea of deciding i think i have it then going and getting told i dont is kind of the worst. it would be so comofrting to have some way for me to describe the experiences im having and be told hey theres a reason your brain is like this. so i almost dont wanna know if i dont, yknow.

also in the uk at least, im p sure a diagnosis condition is you have to have some indication that youve had it since childhood. so i assumed that cant be me, bcaus i was a fairly quiet kid. i did have a really bad temper but other than that i dont remember p much anything abt being under 11. but i literally just today remembered that at the ages 12-16 in maths i never shut the hell up to the point that people who sat next to me thought i was annoying, because i couldnt concentrate in class at all, literally never once finished a set of questions in class even when everyone else could and i was supposed to be ‘good at maths’, just talked talked talked and doodled instead. ive always been a ‘slow worker’ is how i thought of it. i didnt barely do a single bit of work in art classes bcaus id just talk w my friend and like. spin in the teachers spinny chair. i did no work all of yr 11 then realised and went every day for like a month after school when no one was there. but still in class i couldnt do it, even once id decided i should work harder. i have a hard time processing things fast. despite teachers basically telling me i was some kind of prodigy for english lit, when it got to the point in like yr 12 when i couldnt rely on just writing whatever came into my head to get a good grade and actually had to plan, i absolutely flopped and practically developed a phobia of the subject. i was gonna do an english degree but i changed course. also i cant read for fun bcaus i just stare into space instead thinking about 100 other things all more interesting than the book. this has always sort of been the case too. idk i know many stereotypes of adhd are inaccurate but i was shy and ‘well behaved’ and even though i was distracted/chatty i wasnt like.. disruptive. like im not even sure if the teachers noticed me quietly babbling. so it made me never consider the possibility but obviously its far more complicated than that.

still tho, idk i think its p likely im just making excuses for myself with this and i can easily imagine going to the doctor and talking through all this and them being like lol no nice try though. but idk. i still cant help but think about it.

idk this txtpost is p much nonsense but.. yea just attempting to get my thoughts out of my head and fling them into the void so i can carry on doing this awful stupid piece of work lol. wish me luck, im in hell!!!

edit: WHY WASNT THIS UNDER A READ MORE I REMEMBER PUTTING IT UNDER A READ MORE SCREEAAM

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a-sputnik · 6 years

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struggled to concentrate today, idk why but i couldnt will my brain to stay on task longer than 10 minutes without an hour long distraction in between. i had a super intense anxiety/stress dream that everything i have to do over the next few weeks happened at the same time and i was completely unprepared. i think im still feeling shock waves of anxiety from that.

met up with romy so she could check out the gallery, parted ways and i ended up walking through the city for an hour or two listening to fka twigs, i get really emotional listening to Two Weeks, not for any reason i just get a surge of passion that shoots through me whenever it plays. bought some lip balm. sat in front of the cathedral for a while. i am still really shit at timing stuff and got there an hour and a bit early....

met up with jay a bit early and we went to the gyoza place for dinner, we waited for romy and just chatted about her bike (about to buy a motorbike) and just had a good laugh talking about the show and other tangential stuff. romy eventually came, and we ordered something of a feast. romy got really bad news just before she arrived so was feeling not the best but i think we helped her feel a bit more grounded.

managed to get a title for the show (fast idle) and they both managed to solidify their ideas for the work. i think we all had a really good time hanging out. im very tired but in a glowy sort of way.

i think im just a bit overwhelmed atm about how much i have on my plate, and maybe need a moment or two of reflection.

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musherum · 7 years

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long post -/ cael talks about her new asthma medication and recent Realizations

honestly? im noticing a lot of improvement since i started the new medication. its a corticosteroid, which is a kind of drug that is exclusively for treating constrictive asthma. there are two different types of asthma, see: theres inflammatory, which responds well to treatment with ventalin, the most common inhaler which provides immediate, “emergency” relief when you have an attack of inflammatory asthma, and theres constrictive, which doesnt respond to it at all. this was the “missing link” i was looking for. i didnt know about the medication requirements for that form of asthma until a few days ago when i had a major attack of constrictive asthma.

it.... took me a lot to finally say to my mum “i need to go to a doctor. i am having a lot of trouble breathing, and i cannot function. i know this cannot be normal.” it took even more, though, to say to her that i needed to stay home that day, and miss the GED class im taking - even though the day before was the first session. my mom has screamed at me and called me a failure and an idiot before, when she caught me skipping school because of depression and fatigue. that was a very very big step for me, facing my fear of my mom yelling at me again. but i could not focus on anything, not with how laboured my breathing was. it was the frustration of not being able to sleep that finally pushed me over the edge - while i was up all night with my then untreated and untreatable asthma attack, i

i told her my symptoms, and then explained to her my, uh, “theory” that i had a form of asthma that didnt respond to ventalin. i got the name wrong (i mixed up constrictive and inflammatory), but otherwise, i got it entirely correct. i was so scared that she might brush me off, like what had happened before with so many people when i was younger. it had even happened with other doctors. but, fortunatley, she quickly agreed with me that it appears i need a corticosteroid as well as my ventalin to treat my symptoms.

i didnt know, before very recently, that ventalin is exclusively for inflammatory asthma, or that constrictive asthma requires cordicosteroids to treat. all along, i thought i was just being lazy, or dumb, or panicking, or lying, or a that i just didnt care. because people have said things like this to me. all throughout my life. i would say, “i cannot breathe,” and they would say, “take your emergency (ventalin) puffer.” so i would. and when i said i still didnt feel better, after i took my ventalin puffer in front of them, they stopped believing it could be asthma. older people, the ones who were supposed to take care of kids when theyre hurting, were the MOST dissmissive of my complaints. because they thought they knew everything about what asthma was. better than a kid who had it.

i thought that whatever it was, it couldnt be asthma, because so many older people told me so. no one ever told me that constrictory asthma needed a different additional medication. no one told me that i needed it. everyone said that asthma could just be treated with a ventalin inhaler, period, and that if i was so out of breath, i should just use mine. and i did. and itd didnt work. so i figured... i must not have asthma. because surely an adult knows better than i do, right?

as i grew up, my memories faded as memories do - but none so much as that of the visit to the doctors when i was first diagnosed. i can remember only a precious handful of details now; a diagram that depicted the inside of the lungs, shown with one having its air-tubes contracted tightly, and the other clogged up with mucus. i forgot about it because i was full of self loathing, i feel like, at least in part - its much harder to control your emotions when you dont have enough oxygen to normally power your brain, and the bullying i withstood, while not violent, was very frequent. i was very much not a “popular kid,” ill leave it there. a lot of people hated me. and a lot of people only pretended to like me, and i wasnt able to tell they were laughing at me. when you have shit like that on your mind constantly, and youre oxygen starved??? you tend to be a little, uh, distracted. im not surprised that i dont remember it well. but i wish i did. all i know for sure is that at the end of the day, i had a ventalin puffer, and that was it. i think there may have been a misunderstanding - when the doctor said that the cortisol (the most common, brand-name corticosteroid) is for long-term relief and the ventalin is for emergencies, my mom might have thought something along the lines of, “my child had an asthma attack, and it was an emergency. therefore ventalin is what we need, not cortisol.” but again, i dont know that for sure, and i dont want to throw anyone under the bus. it may have been that, or it may not have been. but i feel that my mom likely wouldnt remember if i asked her - taking ME to a doctors appointment wouldnt rank very high on her “important life moments” list, i suspect.

and so as i grew up, again, i had ventalin, but i very rarely remember having cortisol around, let alone taking it. uh, sorry i mean, corticosteroids. anyway, um... i think i was depressed then, even as a kid. my mom did not impress the importance of the medicine on me - she said it wasnt a that big a deal, that i only need to take it “sometimes.” and so when i ran out, i figured i didnt have to rush to tell her. and, of course, i didnt have the energy to take it every day - couldnt breath. in fact, because it required me to wash my mouth out through after taking it every morning and night, it was significantly more difficult to take the medicine that treated my constrictive asthma. and again, i did not have energy to let me do what i knew i was supposed to. and i did not know that just taking the corticosteroid regularly would help me get my energy back, because no one ever told me that my energy had... WENT anywhere. they didnt mention it being a part of the disease, so i assumed to was unrelated. i didnt know the science behind it back then, i was a little kid! and so it was that every time i had a flair-up, people kept telling me to use my ventalin inhaler, the one thats for “emergencies,” if i really felt so bad. and so.... i would. and the ventalin would not ease my constricted lungs, because its intended for inflammation. and when i tried to tell them it wasnt working, people would start telling me it wasnt asthma, and that it had to be something else - something that i was fucking up. and i believed them. i believed what they told me. because i thought that adults were supposed to be smart, and know more than kids, and that they were supposed to protect me when i said i was hurting. i thought they were supposed to help children when theyre hurting. and so all along, i believed them, cause why would they lie to me? they must know what theyre talking about. adults know more than kids, they never shut up about it, i probably thought. and... so i started to really internalize the idea that it was my fault. that i was always so tired, and forgetful, and weak, and exhausted, and out of breath, and bad at talking, and bad at concentrating, and bad in school, and bad at everything... because i was just a bad person. i even thought it was my fault that my hands wouldnt stop shaking - no matter how much i drew. my lines were always crooked and bent. so because i never knew that cortisol was the medicine i needed the most, i was never ABLE to stop my hands from shaking, no matter how hard i tried and how much i practiced drawing. so i assumed i was just a naturally shitty artist, and began to resign myself to a life of never being able to create something beautiful. no matter how much i practiced drawing.

all of it was because of my constrictive asthma - either because of too little air being able to penetrate my lungs and oxygenate my body and bloodstream, or because of the sharp, sudden and literally dizzying rips of air that i had to suck in just to breath at all.

all these years of hating myself have been perpetuated so needlessly, all because people assumed they knew better than a kid. even when the kid tells you “he” (really she, im talking about me as a kid after all) has a disease and that “he” (again, she) cant breathe and that “he” (SHE) has tried what you are suggesting and it does ever work. even if that kid is literally telling them, “it is my disease that is causing this.”

because people brushed me off, and put me down, even when i was telling them that i couldnt breath. even when i tried to explain to them that i felt like i was being slowly suffocated, by an invisble hand squeezing the air out of my chest. because thats what it DOES feel like.

...fuck, man. that was fucked up.

#yall better treat kids as gently and kindly as humanly possible #you better fucking believe them when they say theyre hurting. you better try to fucking help instead of judging them.#or else theyll end up all fucked up like me #im getting better. i can feel that im get better #slowly #but its only because i fought past my intense fear of being told that what i was feeling wasnt real #i dont want kids to have to go through that too. i dont want anyone to #but these things start when we're children. and it seriously damages us.#sometimes beyond the ability to repair ourselves #so please. please for the love of god dont be mean to kids when they arent hurting anything or anyone.#they are the very definition of 'innocent.'#and you can hurt them very badly without meaning to. not just their bodies but also their young minds are delicate #if they hurt something or someone it can only ever be because they didnt understand that it would be wrong. kids are inherently NOT evil #but they ARE inherently inconsiderate. because theyre still learning.#ignorance always precedes knowlege #and children are literally by definition 'new to this.'#so you must please be gentle with them. *please.*#you need to be patient and gentle and explain it to them. and listen to them when they say somethings wrong #and when you think theyve DONE something wrong?#you need to be calm and you need to be patient. do not get angry at a child for not knowing what is right yet.#they havent had a CHANCE to learn.#be the person to give them that chance.#not the person who damages them for life.

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uniformbravo · 7 years

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i feel like i’ve been pretty scarce around here lately so heres the life update no one asked for

art classes are Kicking My Fucking Ass: drawing class is physical labor, painting is emotional labor, 3d design is fuckign Both

the day after i was like “my friends in painting class make it bearable :)” ffuckin none of them showed up to class sdjkgaksgjdg

ok thats a lie one of them showed up but like. the other two. smh

((it was because there was a note on the door saying the teacher wasn’t there that day so technically class was cancelled but u could still go inside to work on ur painting (which i did bc i desperately needed the time) so uh. not saying anyones a fuckin coward for going home EXCEPT THAT I AM))

on thursday (2 days later) we had critique but first we had 2 hours to finish up our paintings, but i already finished mine bc i stayed after class for 2 hours on tuesday (and three extra hours the previous thursday) so i was fuckin BORED as hell but at least everyone was there this time so we like. hung out & talked about like anime n shit LOL

turns out me never shutting tf up about mob psycho actually worked out for once bc the guy i sit next to (who was also done w/ his painting) was like “im gonna watch the first episode of that show u were talking about” and fuckin pulled out his phone & started watching it right before my very eyes it was Very hard to concentrate on the critique handout i was supposed to be filling out

(my favorite part was the first 7 or 8 min where he kept going “why is everyone so Stupid” because the first 7 or 8 minutes heavily involve reigen ghdlgksdg i was so happy)

((he didnt show up to our friday class the next day so i have no idea if he actually watched the rest of it like he said he was going to but i hope he did))

Speaking Of Yesterday

my piece of shit brain that constantly and insatiably thirsts for angst has latched onto one Karamatsu Matsuno like a fucking leech as of late and has been sucking up tens of thousands of words of fanfiction daily with no signs of stopping and yesterday i binged an entire 80k+ series instead of doing anything remotely productive Or responsible and irl im fucking dead free me from this prison of suffering this has gotten Entirely out of control

my friday class is 6 hours long and honest to god i only spent about the last hour and a half actually cutting foam board because. well for a lot of reasons but First And Foremost im blaming this Goddamn Fic

i couldnt focus on my work so i ended up reading like 10k on and off throughout the day but like since it was an #angsty story it just made me not feel like getting anything done hlskdjlaksjdgskdg foam board is hard work with OK u need to be emotionally ready for that shit u have to put your mind body and soul into it

i did not come to class prepared to work i came to class with a portable window to ao3 in my pocket and a healthy internet connection to support it, how could we let this happen to our generation what happened to the good old days when i didnt have the luxury of endless fanfiction at my fingertips and i had to procrastinate my work by doodling on worksheets or staring at the wall for indeterminate amounts of time like a Good Student. kids these days

i finished reading the fic at like midnight lolllll i’d thought i might get started on that drawing i have due on monday but nope

thanks anime for ruining my life

(i would’ve said karamatsu there but he is an undeserved blessing to this world and i could never conscientiously blame him for anything and oh god listen to me see what i’ve become what the fuck)

in conclusion school is tiring but not too bad & im still osomatsu trash, more than ever before (save me please this is my cry for help). also i cant wait for october it’s gonna be such a rad month aaaa

#gotta make up for all the annoying posts i havent been making am i right #retag later #today posts #school /#cant wait to find this post again someday & be like ''o yea i remember that time i threw away an entire day to read that huge fic #the day that subsequently caused me to fail all my classes that semester via snowball effect amplified to disastrous proportions ahh yes''#(just kidding it's not that serious)#sometimes ur a good student & sometimes u just gotta Slurp Up That Fucking Karamatsu Angst Boiiiiiii #tho honestly its more like. Chugs that Fucking Karamatsu Angst & Slams The Glass On The Counter Immediately Demanding Another #have u ever been so trash for one thing

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theangeliemarie · 6 years

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How mental health has affected my studies

by Angelie Marie Quirog

Until two years ago, I never thought Id be the person talking about how mental health has affected my studies. This was not due to ignorance or lack of education on my part. On the contrary, in fact. I just didnt like talking about myself. I know how to sit quietly with someone suffering from severe depression, and exactly what to do if someone has a panic attack. Ive never been afraid of mental illness because I feel like its been a part of my life forever.

I was 12 when it started but it wasnt until I was 15 when it got diagnosed, at first it was just severe depression and moderate anxiety but it grew to something else, Borderline Personality Disorder. I've had a rough time during my early teens, I messed with the wrong crowd, got in to fights, did unspeakable things, self-harmed, did drugs, got drunk just to feel something. It was my temporary fix.

When I was 15, I tried to kill myself. I was diagnosed with depression and put on some medication. I was referred to a therapist. And it didnt help. I couldnt do anything. I couldnt sleep but I couldnt get out of bed, I couldnt wash or put on clean clothes, I couldnt even put the light on in my room because it was too bright. I was in my senior year of high school when I stopped, I couldnt take it any longer.

Over time, I started to get better. Slowly, I found I was able to do small things; get up, make a cup of tea, maybe even read a book. I was making progress, which was starting to terrify me, because I wanted to explain that I felt like I was living someone elses life. What had happened, I wanted to know, to that person who could do all those things? My brain felt slow and sluggish in my head. Ive been writing songs and poetry all my life, suddenly I couldnt string together a simple verse. It was as if someone had taken me apart and put me back in the wrong order.

Well the truth is that mental illness has completely changed my life. I came to learn that my life simply doesnt work like that anymore. I was very embarrassed about having been so ill that Id had to drop out of University, even if it was only temporary. I felt that I was no longer one of the good ones, that I could not handle the pressures of academic life. I was also terrified of it happening again. Depression had struck so suddenly and with so little warning that I had no idea if or when it might happen again. I still dont. I began to suffer, quite badly from anxiety. If youve never had anxiety, imagine that butterfly feeling that you get when youre about to do something for the first time. Combine that with the sick sinking feeling that you get when you feel guilty, and add to that those feelings of shame that creep in on you sometimes when youre trying to get to sleep at night, those times when you remember all the stupid things that you have ever said. Then imagine changing temperature all the time, imagine being hungry but feeling so sick that you cant eat. Imagine shaking and having a dry mouth. Now imagine feeling like that all the time.

I couldnt concentrate in class and I couldnt keep up with my lessons because I had become convinced that I couldnt understand anything. My peers responded differently; some were encouraging and tried to tell me that I had such potential and that I needed to just grasp it. That only made me feel worse. Others quickly grew frustrated with me, not understanding why I was struggling, and seeing my need for help and reassurance as attention seeking. I stopped going to class. At this point, I had missed two deadlines and was beginning to feel that my return to study was a total failure. I was obvious to me, and, I thought, to everyone else, that I just didnt have what it takes. I couldnt do face them again, and then the thought of leaving my house to see them, and pretending youre okay at the same time, is quite a lot to ask of someone who sometimes cant leave the house without having a panic attack.

My life is quite different now. I have to think about everything. I cant stay out all night, and I can only occasionally have a drink. I used to be involved in everything; campaigns, societies, music, sports; now I have to choose carefully. If I begin to feel anxious or tired, I have to stop what I am doing and go home.

Currently, Id say that my mental health is in good shape. How long it will stay that way, I cannot guess. It might be forever. It might be a month. A week. A day. But I do know, however, just how important that safety net is to me.

#mental health #mental disorder #mentally unstable #bpd #bpd feels #bpd thoughts #borderline personality disorder #thoughts #anxitey

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