#my life sucks so I want to make others better | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

scientia-rex · 20 hours

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I made that post about how smoking is bad—actually, no, I’ve made two relatively popular posts about how smoking is bad for you. Raises your chances of dying from multiple factors including heart disease and stroke in addition to lung (and mouth, throat, and bladder) cancer.

I am always so baffled by the responses going “well I could die from something else!” Yes. You could. Statistically speaking, you will most likely die of heart disease, stroke, or cancer, if you live in the US. Your average life expectancy is somewhere around 78 for women, 76 for men. Many people die younger than that, for a lot of reasons. Many of my patients have illnesses that will shorten their lives. I hate to split it into “fault,” as if there’s some kind of perfect way to live a blameless life. (There isn’t.) The numbers, however, are both clear and pitiless. People who smoke are more likely to die younger than they otherwise might have.

Medicine is a numbers game. My job is not to psychically predict exactly what will punch your ticket and when. It is to improve your odds. I want you to both live as long a life as possible but also as high-quality a life as possible. I want for you to live a life you enjoy.

It’s that simple; it’s not sinister. I’m not out here going “I’ll tell them not to smoke so they can have LESS FUN before getting hit by a bus at 30!”

Because smoking isn’t actually fun. What it is, is a very quick (and faster = more addictive) reduction in physical feedback systems that heighten anxiety. Withdrawal of an unpleasant stimulus is rewarding. (Technically, it’s a negative reward; the negative doesn’t refer to a moral judgment, but the addition or subtraction of a stimulus.) Something that is very rewarding very fast will be very addictive. It’s why crack cocaine is also so addictive—it is also a very fast and very potent reward. It’s also why benzodiazepines like Xanax are so addictive to so many people; it’s a slower peak blood level but the removal of severe anxiety is profoundly rewarding.

So smoking can make you feel better when you do it. But your body will try to fix any broken signals. It doesn’t just want to be able to signal to you when you need to feel stressed: it has to be able to signal you, or your long-ago ancestors would have been eaten by predators. So it ramps up the signaling. Now you’re not smoking because you feel better than baseline; you’re smoking to get back to baseline.

That’s why quitting sucks. When you quit smoking, all of the sudden your body’s signals of stress that got dialed up to 11 to overcome the nicotine are just out there at full blast, making you feel scared and jittery and irritable. It’s why when you quit benzos (or daily alcohol) cold turkey you can get life-threatening seizures. It’s why when you stop alcohol you’re likely to have sleep disruptions that can persist for weeks to months.

That’s why things that help reduce the suckage can help. Nicotine patches, lozenges, or gum. Chantix. Wellbutrin. Slowly stepping down the nicotine level on your vape. Eating more, eating things you like. (I would 1000% rather have a patient be fat than be smoking. I know other people will be shittier to you if you gain weight. Living is worth it.) Being kind to yourself helps you quit smoking. You need to recognize that “quitting smoking you” is not your baseline you. It is you with an invisible illness that will take weeks to months to get over.

And sometimes you can’t face that hump right now. But if you want to maximize your odds of the longest and healthiest possible life, knowing that any number of terrible things can happen to you at any time, making the effort—over and over again, if you need to—is the best shot you have.

There are a couple of conditions where smoking does markedly reduce symptoms. The well-known ones are schizophrenia and Crohn’s disease. If you feel not just better, but better like this is a medication for you, like you poop blood or hear things without it, talk to your primary care provider, because there are other medicines that might be safer and/or more effective for you. The landscape around pharmaceutical research has shifted dramatically over the last 30 years. We have more options than we’ve ever had before. Maybe this doesn’t have to be the expensive, dangerous medication that half-works for you. And if what you’re self-medicating is your anxiety, nicotine is a pretty crappy medication for that, because it doesn’t fix you; it changes your baseline to an even shittier place.

You have bodily autonomy. You can make your own choices. I will never go to a patient’s house and slap the cigarette out of their hand. But if what you want is the longest and healthiest possible life, smoking makes your odds worse.

The number of people who think that I, as a doctor, would be unaware of how profoundly unfair bodily health can be amazes me. It’s like the first Father Brown story, where Father Brown is explaining to the villain that someone whose main job is to hear about all of the terrible sins people have to confess cannot remain naive. My job is watching people age, or filling out their death certificates. One or the other. I prefer watching them age, but everyone will die. Someday my doctor will be filling out my death certificate. I’ve removed one potential contributing factor from that line—maybe I’ll get diabetes, maybe I’ll get cancer, maybe I’ll have a workplace accident, but “smoking” isn’t going to be on that line anymore. That’s the best I can do. I can’t psychically predict my own death, either; just play the numbers, try to do my best, and hope.

#the attending dr. kristophine

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allsadnshit · 2 days

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I never believed being super invested in identity politics had any repercussion till this year - and since taking a huge step back from so many labels I put on myself I've felt so much better. Deleted my endometriosis highlight story to stop making my life about illness. Stopped peppering in my sexuality onto anything autobiographical to try and signal for community. Just started thinking about what I like and what feels good and less about needing to tell a story about who I am through what categories I belong in and I feel like so much irritability and stress has melted away!

I think self exploration and expression are so cool and beautiful and don't need to become something for other people to understand us through in such a specific and controlling way. I feel like it can be so taxing to constantly try to stay within a narrative or appeal to people you think are similar to you or should be.

The world already forces us to be identified in so many categories against our will and to start doing that to ourselves as a way to resolve it is like tossing more kindling into the same fire and expecting a change. It's still an energy suck no matter how you slice it!

Even though so many people seem to find what they are looking for or want to be within identity politics and making it their public facing self - I am glad I have turned a corner about it and stopped trying to control how people see or refer to me after a lifetime of trying to force it

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cripplecharacters · 19 hours

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Good morning/evening to y'all!

In your list of frequently asked questions, there was no mention of speech disorders? I was wondering if you answer questions for that too? I'm sorry to bother you if you don't.

If you do, I have two things I'd like to ask, if you don't mind!

First of all, my character is a 4-year-old boy with a stutter from brain trauma. How much does age affect this? Are there better to be cured or is it more severe? What would be the best sort of action from parents towards child?

Secondly, what does stuttering feel like, physically? Does it include tightness in the throat, thirst, numbness, or anything like that?

Thank you all.

Hello,

Yes, we have at least one mod with a speech disorder and I can answer them.

Depending on how old he was when the trauma occurred, he may not even realize that he does it. Some things, like the multiple syllable repetition unless he has a more minor form of it, he may notice and feel frustrated with, but stuttering can also include pauses and drawing sounds out which he may not even notice. Because he has the injury now, when he's still learning language like a sponge soaking in water, it's going to be harder to treat. In my experience, speech therapy that started when I was five never managed to actually improve the way I spoke. It's harder to improve in this situation- possible, to my knowledge, but harder.

Curing a stutter from a traumatic brain injury is going to be difficult. It's not likely and it's probably not something his speech therapist would even consider- when there's a lot wrong with speech and there's a reason behind it that can't be worked around, like a TBI, sometimes a speech therapist will just focus on trying to improve one aspect, or they might not even bother at all. If getting rid of his stutter is the goal, that's going to take years of work and it might not fix everything. It can be a severe condition- some people can have a severe stutter from the brain injury- but mostly it's just hard to treat because we have a permanent modification to how our brain works.

The best sort of actions his parents can take is listen to him. It might be frustrating for people to listen to someone who stutters and they might experience isolation because people don't want to talk to or listen to them, it does so much to have even one person in your life who will listen to you speak without impatience, interrupting, or ignoring. Because he's also going into school, listening to him is really important. School is very difficult for people with speech disabilities (for all disabled people, really.) He may experience teachers who are impatient or ableist, or he might experience isolation from his peers or even bullying. It's important his parents listen to him about any issues he may be facing so that they can step in and advocate him. They're the most important people for him to have in his corner. Listening to and communicating with any child is important, but it's very important that his parents listen to and communicate with him. At the very least, it creates a safe place for him at home. At best, he'll talk to his parents about bullying and they can put up a big enough fuss that the issue will be resolved.

As for what it feels like, it feels like the mouth kind of pauses. Like you're trying to say something but there's a barrier in your mouth, so you have to force every sound through it, and that's hard to do. A lot of people who stutter report physically tensing up trying to speak, leading to tension aches wherever they tense, usually in the face or neck, and that tensing is kind of subconscious as if there really is a barrier and you need to physically force the words through the barrier.

As you try and get words out, you might become stressed or frustrated, and that usually makes the stutter worse, which just makes your frustration and anxiety worse. They feed on each other and it sucks.

People who stutter also might have what are called secondary symptoms, like the reflexive tension I mentioned earlier. These secondary symptoms can include grimacing, blinking, movement or another part of the body, like the arms, legs, or feet, issues maintaining eye contact or even issues looking at the person they're talking to at all, and changes in the pitch or volume of the voice. You might also see adaptive behaviours from the person trying to hide their stutter, such as using word substitutions, meaning replacing a word they might stutter on with one they can say easier, interjections such as uh, um, etc, filler words such as like, and quickly revising sentences to either hide a stutter or rephrase the sentence to make it easier to say, things like "I want- I'll have the pasta." Stuttering and those secondary behaviours can lead to him trying to avoid speaking, which he definitely shouldn't do (shouldn't avoid speaking, I mean.)

Also, you might want to consider exactly where the TBI was and how severe it was, because location and severity can also cause other symptoms. An injury to the cerebellum, for example, will impact his fine motor skills. Look into the areas around the specific places that control speech, too. If the injury was bad enough or at the right angle to hit those places, he'll also have symptoms associated with a TBI to those locations.

Thank you for sending this.

Mod Aaron

#anonymous #speech disability representation #mod aaron #brain damage representation

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xclowniex · 3 days

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One of the most disappointing things about the past few years is how much it's exposed how much of a self-centered joke the online left has exposed itself to be.

I joined the left overtime as a reaction to the likes of Trump getting power, and his horrific desire to bring about his own dictatorship over America. I for quite a long time thought a lot of the problem stemmed from centrist types not taking his threat seriously enough (which was partially true in some ways), which only fueled my shift to the left more and more as I saw the end result of the pandemic and the lackluster reaction from the people who most supported the status quo in regards to many things.

I thought in many ways that would be the end of that; that progressivism was what society needed, and that we had to do everything in our power to pull society away from the problematic and deeply flawed status quo, and ESPECIALLY away from the likes of Trump and the Fascist GOP.

But then Biden got elected, and I started seeing the cracks.

The griping, the moaning, and self-righteousness just started popping up from the left. At first I didn't think too much of it, because Biden wasn't my first choice either, but I accepted the fact that it was better him than Trump, and frankly it was much easier to get things done under him than under a dictatorial asshole and egomaniac with too much power and support.

But the self-righteousness just would not stop coming from the left, mixed together with the realization that for every progressive who genuinely tried to make things better, there seemed to be far more whom only cared about their own image and brand of being "better than thou" without any actual substance, never mind the ones who actively seemed to go out of their way to support outright authoritarian regimes like Putin out of some notion it'd lead to Communism, despite the far right literally also wanting Putin to have more power for FASCISM.

It felt like people just flat out were falling into the same kind of conspiracy stuff as QAnon, where somehow they were loathed for their conspiratorial thinking, and yet somehow it became fine when "OUR SIDE" was dipping into that same kind of rhetoric and thinking. And for all that people constantly bayed for blood and for taking drastic measures, I never once saw them ever DO anything of the sort. I just started becoming warier and more thinking that people were just full of hot air, that for all of their talk none of them would ever willingly choose to fight for real because they didn't have any real courage, just a bunch of slogans and hot air.

And then Ukraine happened. And then I/P happened.

Honestly, those two things just fucking pissed me off, disillusioned me immensely, because it was like the mask just flew off. All of sudden, so called progressives were praising authoritarian behavior so long as it was under the pretense of socialism and communism. All of a sudden they started throwing around hateful slurs and propaganda like it was nobody's business. Actively and literally suggesting that we allow society to fall, for democracy to fall so that a fascist could destroy their enemies and push them towards their own ideology, despite the reality that THAT kind of thing has NEVER WORKED out for the people who are already suffering and broken.

It made me realize that a lot of so called "leftists" didn't care in the slightest about actually building towards a better world, only in wiping out the people they viewed as an obstacle to an easy utopia where they didn't have to care about other people as people. That everyone else was just their pawn, their prop for their own twisted egos of being against the eeeeeevil establishment, all while deciding to be just as monstrous as the evil they oppose.

I've honestly never felt so disappointed in my entire life, because I genuinely thought that people valued the idea of a better tomorrow, that even if having to work with the likes of Biden kinda sucked, that we'd have learned from the magical thinking of the Trump Cult and QAnon and recognized that progress would be a long, difficult, but necessary step towards a truly better future. That we would eventually replace the Bidens of the world with a better President who would slowly move things forward, and then replaced with their better successor who moved things forward as well, and so on and so forth. It'd be slow, but it'd be substantial, something we could work with.

Instead, it seems like a lot of leftists just wanted a left-wing version of Trump, where all their enemies are eliminated and they perch themselves atop their ivory towers to sneer down at the stupid liberal and conservative masses for not bowing to their greatness. Or they just burn everything and everyone else down while they skedaddle to the safety and comfort of their privileged lives to laugh and jeer at everyone for not submitting to their ideological zealotry, or just to escape the fallout of their heinous actions.

i 100% agree.

I feel like a lot of leftists (including myself back when i was a teen tbh) never worked through the right wing ideology they grew up with and saw values they thought were neat (are still are good things) such as queer rights and liberation, liberations for indigenous peoples, ending racism, etc etc etc, and instead of genuinely holding those values, they just used the same right wing authoritarian logic they claim to despise except backing that logic is leftist progressive ideas.

For example, leftists are supposed to be anti fascism yet, they want their politcal enemies to die or whilst they don't actively want a political enemy to die, they will gladly celebrate their death.

And like, there is a difference between celebrating the death of someone who has actually done harm due to their politics vs celebrating the death of someone who just holds opposing political ideas.

I also agree that there is a sense of being holier than thou from the left. There seems to be a pissing contest of who can be the most progressive to the point where it swings back around to being right wing either fully or to a point.

Whilst I still hold leftist and progressive values, I have definitely shifted away from calling myself a leftist as I do not want to associate with leftists who hold leftists values yet excecute them with right wing tactics. Maybe at some point in the future I will go back to proudly calling myself a leftist, but for now I am a bit ashamed of how quickly leftist values exit the room when talking about jews or other minorities.

#antisemitism #leftist antisemitism #politics #ask clownie

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listentoace · 6 hours

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Ruin your life for Gluttony

It's time to make a few things clear. I'm not just here to make you horny. I'm here to fuck you up so much that you'll very soon be wheezing 24/7 as you try carrying your deep hanging gut into the kitchen to get your fat fingers on more snacks. So you better pay attention to what I want you to do.

If you are delusional enough to still have a gym membership because "I'm just experimenting and will lose it again", cancel it now. I'm not kidding. Cancel your fucking gym membership! That money is better spent on snacks and when was the last time you went there anyways? Cancel it. You will be living a sedentary lifestyle from now on. Keep everything you need at arms length, make yourself as comfortable as possible, sleep in, masturbate a lot and stuff yourself all day long.

You'll be exclusively eating greasy, sugary food from now on, loaded with fat and carbs. You'll have absolutely no greens. The only way you'll have some vegetables will be the salad on your burger. Buy your snacks in bulk, look for jumbo boxes of snacks that will keep you occupied for a few days. Consume as much sugar as you possibly can. Really fuck up your appetite and insulin with all that sugar you'll be stuffing down that greedy throat of yours. And don't forget the heavy cream! I only want you to be eating and drinking stuff that is bad for you

Objectify yourself. You had your chance to be human, yet you chose to be a pig. Things such as human rights, respect, moral, privacy, etc. no longer apply to you. Show off your fat, growing body from every angle possible. Make a fat fucktoy and whore of yourself as you'll be depending on people to encourage and feed you even fatter. Fulfill every request sent to you, stuff yourself whenever someone tells you to. Do as you're told. You no longer have free will. Let yourself be used. Being used means that you're desirable and that's what you want, isn't it, piggy?

Wreck your brain. Play games, watch mind-numbing TV shows and do absolutely anything you can to keep your mind occupied. I want you to dumb down so much that your brain activity doesn't differ much from when you're asleep. Whenever you catch yourself thinking about anything but how fat you've gotten or how you want to eat more food, stop thinking. All that matter is food, worthless and endless content to consume, cumming over and over again and just letting your brain rot away.

Screw your limits. You don't wanna grow immobile? Sucks to be you. You'll keep getting fatter until I'm satisfied. You're my pig now and you better keep putting on those pounds or I'll have to force you. I don't care about all the issues that arise, your heart racing, your arteries clogging up from all the grease, you always being short on breath, another pair of jeans you're ripping right through before you've even worn them 3 times. I don't fucking care. All I care about is seeing that number on the scale go up. If you cannot do something as simple as stuffing your fat face, you're of no use to me.

Enjoy the last few years you've got. Soon you'll be fully immobile. You'll be one of the girls you've seen pictures or videos of, watching them struggle move their 800lbs body around, while their feeder still funnels them with heavy cream shakes. You'll be just like them and just like them your health will decline rapidly until you're fully immobile with an oxygen tube in your nose and a feeding tube in your mouth. But I won't be satisfied until I fuck your fat, buried pussy one last time until you flat-line during orgasm because your body just can't handle it anymore. That when both you and I will finally experience true satisfaction.

And yes, while all this sounds so very extreme and surreal to think about, it strangely turns you on more than other, softer posts. The fantasy of actually becoming that fat is so frightening, yet so strangely appealing. Almost as if you deeply desire just that. Why don't you stuff yourself while imagining how you'd be a fat, 800lb immobile blob? I bet that orgasm would feel sooo good. Go ahead, do it. Grab some food, start masturbating and cum while you think about how fucking fat I'll be making you! Good girl ~

#weight gain encouragement #smut #feedee encouragement #fat encouragement #death feederism

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beegalactica · 4 hours

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HOT GIRLS ARE CONSCIOUS.

I haven't been on Tumblr in about 3 months (life has been busy), and when I finally decided to check back in today, I kept seeing the same thing over and over again, so I am here to dispel some myths.

If you have seen any of my posts, you will know the issues I have with traditional TikTok-y trendy 'glow-up' advice, but today I realised how much of it is just a ploy to get us to spend tons of money on things we CAN live without. I think we all need to be more CONSCIOUS: conscious of what we can realistically afford and implement into our daily lives.

For example, in a typical 'glow-up' advice post, tiktok or youtube video, they recommend these super unrealistic routines that include a full skincare routine of every type of cream you could ever imagine, and an incredibly detailed list that lays out how you need to spend every 10 minutes of your day in order to achieve this perfect form.

It's all hear-say.

Don't get roped into thinking that you need those brand new clothes, or you need those skincare items to be your best self. The idea of turning your 'glow-up' into a sustainable part of your life is to do things you can manage to do over and over again. The secret to glowing up permanently is having a routine that keeps you happy and healthy. Instead of buying a full shelf of skincare all in one go, get 1 or 2 items with positive reviews to start. You don't need to throw out your whole wardrobe and sell your soul to TEMU just to look aesthetic; use what you have. Rather than making short term impulsive purchases, treat every part of your life as an investment.

Especially when it comes to clothing, being someone who has lost weight and no longer fits into all their old clothes, instead of throwing everything out and starting from scratch, I bought a little amazon sewing kit with a couple of needles and different types of thread and started cutting and sewing my way to a better wardrobe. (Even TODAY, I turned an old pair of jeans that I never wear into a cute miniskirt all from a 5 minute YouTube tutorial.) If sewing isn't your thing, you can try using some hemming tape and an iron, fabric glue, or whatever you can. Be conscious of the things you buy and how often you buy them.

I know lots of people like thrifting, and you can thrift online with apps like Vinted, which I personally use and love, if you don't have access to massive thrift stores like they do in America (I'm totally not jealous at all 🙄🙄; I live in the UK and the closest things I have near me are charity shops but there's a sort of stigma around shopping in them but honestly who cares what others think).

When you shop for clothes, look for timeless and versatile pieces you can mix and match, layer and style with lots of different things, allowing you to wear them well. Try to find good staple pieces, that will make the basis of your wardrobe. Be an outfit repeater. Do not blindly follow trends; take the time to curate and explore to find your style. Make a massive Pinterest board of everything you think looks good, and start to make a list of common items of clothing and accessories you save the most; these will be your staples. Don't feel like you have to stick strictly to one aesthetic; my wardrobe ranges from 'fairycore' maxi skirts to y2k denim skirts, but what matters is that I am mindful of whether I will use the things I want to buy.

Of course, feel free to treat yourself, you 100% deserve it, but don't get sucked into the idea that your self worth is determined but WHAT you have; instead it should be how you FEEL in what you have.

I like to see my blog as a little notebook of things I wish I could have told my younger self, and things I want to remind my future self, and I feel like it would be a disservice to not talk about the oversaturation of our feeds with infinite products, to the point where everything feels like an AD.

Moral of the story: don't just take everything you see online at face value. Don't get trapped in extensive consumerism; it's bad for your bank account, it's bad for the environment and it's bad for your mental health.

Also here's my Pinterest if you want to have a peek around <3 Pinterest

#lifeblr #self improvement #becoming that girl #girlblogger #girlblogging #it girl #self care #that girl #consumerism #thrifting #sustainability #sewing #think before you buy #there's enough to go around for everyone

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smilingangel582 · 2 days

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Wind breaker, here I come! I couldn't watch the new episode yet due to some minor issues! Well... I wanna see more fics from others, but I'm too impatient 😤 so I'm writing one again!

Can't think of a better lee than Sakura, so... im gonna put a switch, Nirei and Sugishita! Totally ler Suo and Umemiya!

The other characters aren't gonna be part of the fic because... I never read the manga but ik bits of spoilers from it... soooo imma skip them till the anime introduces them... yeeet imma add some of the teeny tiny bits I was spoiled from the manga!

My spelling sucks ik and I'm a faster writer, so... I tend to make a lot of misspelling stuff as I type fast. (It's not ADHD or anything special... I'm just a hyper person in real life... hehe)

ENJOY!

Warning spoilers from the anime and perhaps manga "my imagination after episode 8"

The big man himself

Sakura Haruka, an outsider, but everyone in this town accepted him as family as quickly as Sakira pummeled five dudes in an instant whiff.

What the hell is this town...?

His thoughts are often reserved and well kept to himself. Even as he walked through the hallways, he noticed familiar faces greeting him as grade captain and respectful gestures. Sure Sakura can take in most and yet...

"Omg! He's the first year grade captain who beat shishitoren second in command!"

"His look is so cool!"

A small blush crept up to his cheeks, he just grunted in response, leaving them mid-praise towards him.

It's almost like an attack mechanism to Sakura, like compliments are his weakness, and the opponent strikes it mercilessly till he's crumbled.

Honestly, Sakura hates that about himself.

"Sakura-san! We need your help!"

Hearing Nirei's voice in front, he looked up, his bangs lifting at the sight of Suo and Nirei...

And Sugishita???

"What the hell do u want?" Sakura grumbled.

Suo's calmly allows to explain themselves, "Now Sakura-kun, us first years have a job to do... its specifically by Hiragi-san"

Straightening himself, Sakura nods seriously, "OK... sure"

Suo stares for a moment before chuckling into his hand, this made Sakura frown, "What's so funny?"

"Oh, nothing... I just thought how cute it is that you actually listen to your senpais..."

Sakura got flustered and began to sputter angrily, "Q-Quiet! I don't respect... well, uh, I m-mean... ugh, never mind. What the heck do we need to do anyway?"

Suo noticed in amusement how Sakura faltered in defeat, then he replied, "Oh nothing... Sugishita-kun and Hiragi-san over-watered one of Umemiya-san's precious tomato plants..."

Sakura blinked.

Eh?

"And... whats the issue?"

Sugishita snapped, grabbing Sakura by the shirt, "It's a big problem dumbass!"

Sakura gritted his teeth in fury, "Who you calling dumbass?! Dumbass!"

Sup calmly separated them and began to run over what they should do, "So... the big issue is... they are a special gift from his -I quote 'Kotoha-chan'"

Now that made sense. Sakura pinched the bridge of his nose... no wonder they dragged him to the roof when Umemiya isn't around.

"Now what should we do?" Sakura asked folding his arms.

"We have to distract Umemiya-san, and make him forget about that plant" Nirei said, sweating buckets throughout their whole conversation. Sakura stumbled in surprise. He really forgot Nirei was actually there...

(Ps. I did, actually... teehee ^w^)

"Oh..." Sakura said blankly, putting two and two together. He turned now, "So good luck... its not my problem anyway"

"Waiiit!" Nirei clung yo his jacket, "You are out grade captain! Dont abandon us pls!!"

"Sakura-kun, we told u the story so... basically you are involved" suo shrugged nonchalantly, Sugishita glared daggers as if he's blackmailing Sakura, "You better help..."

"I could care less!"

Before anyone could pass out any words through their conversation. Sakura heard the door on the rooftop open, Umemiya came.

Oh shit.

"Ah! My cute little underclassmen!" Umemiya rushed towards the group with joy and then without warning ruffling everyone's hairs.

He specifically embaraced Sakura, showing he's a favourite.

"Ahhh! Sakuraaa" a childish cry of bliss came from the leader's lips, as he almost squashed the first year.

Sugishita glared and growled like a rottweiler, Suo claimed he's a jealous puppy further angering him.

"Well, well! What brings you lot to my humble paradise!"

Sakura squirmed out of his grip, grumbling, "Trying to protect that stupid plant of -hmph!"

He forgot... he forgot... Sakura luckily closed his own mouth before digging his own grave... and yet... Umemiya looks like he already got a shovel close to him.

"Hmm..." Umemiya smirked, now flicking his forehead, "Sakura.... When you lie, I can tell that your ear turns red"

He got flustered "I-i do not! I'm not lying!"

Sakura noticed Nirei seemed anxious, Suo with a calm and an unapologetic smile and Sugishita totally ignoring him. They all abandoned him... he was bait after all...

"Oh no~ Sakura-kun," Umemiya sang playfully, suddenly stepping forward with incredible speed, "You shouldn't shift your attention to something irrelevant when your opponent is right in front of you"

Sakura gasped when he felt Umemiya grab his waist instantly. Without realising he was pinned to the wall, he slid down when those fingers made a funny sensation over his sides...

Wait... is this... tickling?

Resist! Resist! Resist damn it! Come on, Haruka! U have to!

Sakura felt his own thoughts fighting the urge to laugh as mad fingers scurried up his ribcage instantly. He struggled and kicked in reflex, surprisingly arching is back like a flexible sprig when Umemiya skillfully tickled his lower ribs.

"G-gah!" A squawk left him. While Suo and the rest awkwardly saw what was happening, the eye patch guy had to comment, "Oh wow... Sakura-kun are you ticklish?"

Umemiya grinned at that, "Oh, he is... how cute, little bro... but be careful. Your big bro is a biiiig tickle monster!"

Sakura suddenly jolted when Umemiya traced his waist beneath the shirt. The tingling sensation on his bare skin was insane. Its perhaps because Sakura never felt tickling before that he actually felt it like something so strong and unbearable.

How embarassing... he's giggling like a four year old.

"Shihihihihit! Hahahaha, whyhehehe whhhyy hahaha??!" Sakura squirmed, now twisting on his stomach, trying to escape.

Why is this man even tickling him?

"Why?" Umemiya grabbed his sides, pulling him closer to him, "Because you are obviously hiding something from me... aaaand... your are too cute!"

"Dahahahahamn ihihiiiiHIHIHIT! NOHO!" Sakura's laughter kicked an octave when Umemiya traced his armpits - not even tickle - just gentle featherlight tickling he never expected to tickle so much!

But...it feels good... it's the first time someone ever touched him so playfully...

Not cruel jabs that sting like poker sticks or burning hits from harsh punches... just mild subtle ticklish jolts like electric shocks.

"Suo, Nirei, can you grab him for a moment?"

Hearing this, Sakura snapped into reality. Huh? Why? Why are they restraining him?

Suo grabbed his wrists up above his head, the warm concrete floor beneath him, giving his wishes before his doomsday, Nireo sitting on his shins... and Umemiya on the side with a wide grin.

"I would've resorted to other easier methods, but I guess you like being tickeld. Eh Sakura?"

Blush, Sakura yelped, "N-no! Obviously not! Ugh, y-you bastard... and -" Sakura turned to the other three."Are you guys ditching me????"

Suo gives a gentle grin, "Sorry, but you are strong enough to handle this unlike us, plus..." Suo gives a teasing scribble under Sakura's armpit, making the latter jolt in surprise, "Umemiya-san said you like it"

Sakura exploded, "I NEVER SAID THAT -AAAH!"

Umemiya launched his tickles instantly before Sakura could express anything. Sakuta couldn't even focus his priorities as multiple spots are being targeted.

"Saakuraaa~, what's the juicy secret you're keeping from me?"

Gosh... the others guys are supposed to be on his side! Did they all deviate from the plot just to mess with Sakura? Unbelievable!

Sakura panicked with a squeak when Umemiya kept lingering around his stomach. He felt a plunging sensation in his gut as Umemiya poked his naval.

"D-Doho nohohot pohohohoke thahahat!" Sakura shrieked, now bucking himself tryinf to shake them off but they all remained resilient.

"Wow, Sakura-san, you really are sensitive" Nirei unconsciously squeezed his kneecaps making it worst despite his feigned innocence.

Sugishita watched with an unreadable expression his face was so judgemental, and Sakura hoped it didn't mean 'cute' to the taller guy.

Suo leaned towards Umemiya now, not even bothering to lower his voice through Sakura's booming laughter, "His armpits seem pretty sensitive too, boss"

It's bad... though Sakura has never been tickled before, his alert senses are tingling mad. Its bad...!

"Oh...?" Umemiya slowly crawled his fingers up the boney ribs and finally into the light muscular armpits, "Here? Is Sakura sensitive under there?"

Squeal. To say Sakura let out such an embarrassing sound was not a lie. He wanted to crawl it yo a rock and die right now for making such an absurd noise like a squeal.

"EEEEEH! NOOO! IHIHIHI GIVE I GIVE HAHAHA SLOHOHOHOW DOHOHOWN!"

"Ehh? Already? Wow, that didn't take long?" Suo teased, and Umemiya winked back, stopping gradually as he persisted, "Tell me, kid~"

"Ahahahahaha ohoohohohok ohohohok! Ihihihits yohohour duhuhuhuhumb plahahahant thehehe ohohone Kohohohotahaha gahahave yahahaha!"

Sakura confessed... all it took was a tickle to his armpits to spill the milk.

Umemiya stopped instantly. Uh oh... all of that may be fun and games but Nirei realised that they were suppose to keep him distracted not make Sakira confess...

Umemiya sigh, scratching the back of his head, "Well I wanted to make Sakura confess about liking to be tickled... I almost forgot why I started this..." he smiled now ruffling Sakura's messed up hair and his still blushing face flowing more red.

"Well im glad you kept your comradeship safe sweet brother" Umemiya grinned.

Sakura blushed to the tips of his ears, huffing, "Not like I did anythjnf but be a victim..."

It was all OK...

"So... what's this about my plant?"

Or... It wasn't

"Did I hear you say it was Kotoha's plant?" Umemiya's smile darkened, sweet to bitter ...its bad now.

Sakura gulped but suo being the rescuer instantly grabbed everyone and scurried away before the leader of Borfurin could catch up.

Sakura couldn't say he hated his day but he really wondered what happened to the tomato plant Hiragi said he was gonna replace...

No one will know the depths Hajime Umemiya would go to cherish what Kotoha gave him.

Sakura shivered... a bigger tickle monster is lurking inside the leader.

The end was rushed, ik! Ik! It came too cute, too, so the plot was messy! Sorryyyyy my badddd also don't blame me! It's so late, and I'm hyper from caffeine! Byeee

#wind breaker tickle fic #lee!sakura #ler!umemiya #ler!suo #ler!nirei #haruka sakura #wind breaker #hajime umemiya #hayato suo #akihiko nirei

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samarecharm · 2 months

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i love makoto so much but fanon does her so much better (the good parts of the fandom) because in the game her character is so lack luster. they butchered her confidant it is so borning and not even about her. they made her a cop. A COP. they pushed this "canon waifu" role onto her (before sumire came along and did it Even Worse). and it SUCKS because SHE IS SO MUCH MORE!!! SHE IS SO MUCH BETTER!!!! SHE COULD'VE BEEN SO MUCH BETTER!!! the way i feel about canon makoto is the same way i feel about the canon ryuji events post komoshida where he's horribly mistreated and used purely as comic relief: i ignore them <3 my game now <3 never happened <3 my ocs <3

You are so right. I generally apply this to all characters in p5 bc the game does such a shit job of staying consistent with character arcs and personalities. Theres a desperate need to throw in perverse jokes at the expense of female characters and a need to show that the police (as a whole) are reliable people who are not influenced by things like money and power; only the BAD cops do that. Not to mention this obvious fatphobia and homophobia but i feel likes thats a given.

But back to Makoto. Shes a victim of bad writing just like everyone else. Ryuji during the kamoshida arc was fighting with self loathing and genuine anxiety, and aside from the like. One comment on Panthers outfit in the metaverse, hes more than well behaved. All of that is shelved as soon as Kamoshida is gone and replaced with him being weird comic relief (and the focus of alot of sexual jokes that were nonexistent in the beginning of the game). Anns arc about self love and empowerment is completely dropped as soon as the nasty bad guy is put away (so that its good to be weird about her w the Good Guys). Makoto loses her a chunk of her personality to be the mature waifu which is INSANE to me bc shes like. Not okay or normal at all 😭😭😭 she THINKS shes responsible and so does everyone else on her team, but its an act! She doesnt know shit! And she doesnt know that she doesnt know shit bc shes respectful and adults dont care about anything as long as u respect them!

Its very telling that for literally every single thief (and goro), you can see the exact moment the writers gave up on adding anything of worth to their characters outside of the social links. Its like they didnt know what to even do w the characters at their disposal after their main arcs were complete. No mention of friends hanging out without you, no mention of having group hangouts. Everyone is treated as a core, important member of the friend group DURING their arc, but outside of it, they are acquaintances at best. Theres nothing in the game that convinces you that these guys are legitimately friends who care for each other and do Friend Things. And i describe it like that bc there IS a game that treats them all as friends, and its strikers! Strikers/Scramble genuinely feels like the game p5 wanted to be; a road trip w your team where they stay up at night talking to each other and hanging out and doing things together that dont necessarily include you, the player. Its refreshing and lovely but it sucks that u get that kind of attention to detail in a ‘spinoff’ title

#chattin #i hesitate to use spinoff bc its a pretty big game #and theres an amazing plot with wonderful characterization #and their handling of jails and jail owners is LEAGUES better than the bs they tried to make up w palace users #and all the thieves feel like family. and not in the annoying fandom way; like #were family in the same way a family is forged and tended to. i love you. no one is left behind. no one is made to feel inferior another #its really good and honestly if u want more interactions between everyone i really recommend a playthrough #but yeah #p5 sucks #i love it but i love the version of it i made in my head LMAO #maybe p5r did a better job w the dialogue and some questionable scenes #(i wouldnt know. i didnt play it lol)#so maybe thats what people need to be using as a point of reference #but i only plyed p5 so this is what i have; a group of people who show up for meetings and then go about their life #and that kinda sucks. why make this wholly unique experience in which these teens can only relate to each other #make them bonded over their shared experience w this unbelievable world #and then not only make them NOT interact; but have the end be ‘okay by akira.’ and leave it at that #they just. didnt know what to do w anyone #they needed their girls to be waifubait and the boys to be an afterthought #they needed a buffet of older woman for pathetic men to fuck through their self insert #and they needed a story convoluted enough to keep people stuck trying to figure it out themselves #its bad. its so bad. its so fucking bad. but i have to be here. WE have to be here.#bc who else is going to take these characters out of hell and treat them right ??!!!

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dragons-and-yellow-roses · 5 months

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Me, while manically cleaning my room at 3:27am: I should make several large, life-changing, irreversible decisions.

#so ive been in a bad mental state lately #because of many things. but the biggest being (yes i know ive complained about this in multiple other posts)#that my best friend and my ex gf were fucking. without even asking or telling me. i got no heads up. just figured it out on my own #which sucked and now im not speaking to either of them #and when i first found out i was in a bad place physically too #i had a terrible ear infection that was so fucking painful #and i realized i could concentrate on both things. so i focused on healing #and then i remembered ny family is coming to visit for Christmas #and thats a lot to deal with. so now im focusing on cleaning the apartment. specifically my bedroom #so im manically cleaning at 3:30am while angry and stressed and trying not to focus on this thing that makes me really upset #and in the middle of cleaning ill suddenly think 'should i quit my summer camp job?' or 'should i move states again?'#its not good. but i havent acted on anything #AND in the middle of cleaning i found all of my meds #i havent been taking them for months. but i decided im gonna start taking them again #i have a few refills left but then ill have to find a psychiatrist. i dont want to. but its definitely for the best #im trying to get my life back on track and build and better it #but then something hits me and completely derails everything and makes everything so hard #so anyway im gonna go do some more cleaning and try not to make life-altering decisions. and maybe build a desk #btw i have to get up at 9am to take out my puppy. and at 11:35 i have to get ready for work. again its 3:30am #and im full of manic energy #tomorrow is going to be very bad but at least I'll have a semi-clean room

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bueris · 7 days

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okay maybe I should seriously reconsider my path in life and sell my soul to marketing or journalism instead

#okay venting in the tags you are very welcome to ignore or not respond to it i just need to yell somewhere #i always thought id be an art therapist because well i care about people and want to help them and love art #but everyday i wake up feeling like a fraud and an imposter so like. should i really be doing all that when im not entirely #certain i cpuld handle it??? like i know i haven't gotten the meaty bit of the education towards that yet but like #university costs a disgusting amount of money here and if i pick the wronf thing im likely doomed forever thanks to awful government #i know things could get better like they did after thatcher but honestly im not putting any bets on it considering how the current labour #party is so like if i fuck up here im basically dead #also can i actually do art uni. like could i cope with that. im deeply unethused with art at the moment and honestly will i evwr be #idk #it was jusr a thing i always did but education around it is fucking soul sucking #also the emotional weight of hearing and solving people's problems as a therapist. i would consider myself quite empathetic for the most #part i feel other people's pain quite strongly and obviously as a therapist id be feeling that quite a bit so could i actually cope with it?#ik therapists have therapists but still #i mean im doing work experience at an occupational therapy place so ill just be extra inquisitive about it all to make sure im going #the way i wanna #I'll be fine by the end of a levels ill probably understand what i want in life #if not then gap year to work it out #should probably look at unis for english language too then #sigh #ucas website i may as well marry you #ill be okay im getting in my head about stuff im actually pretty good at art even if there are things i can improve on (like patience lol)#yeah maybe the voice telling me i suck doesnt know shit and should shut up #yeah #shut it nasty voice you're wrong actually!!! im doing just fine and you're being overly critical #they should make a brain that's your friend and not mush that hides the amalgamation of every bad thing ever in its crevices #crevices shoyild be filled with kindness and love.#sex jokes about that #why the fuck is yahoo mail syncing i dont use you you washed up search engine #bue waffling #vent post

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soldier-poet-king · 9 months

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Expericing the Horrors this morning in SO many different ways.

Like. Having to acknowledge my compulsive people pleasing and the way it fuels my martyr complex, even tho mostly I simply Do Not See It and pretend it's a virtue or doesn't exist. My notions of Duty and Obligation, which are good and my only reason to keep going sometimes, are also morphing into a genuine obsession and fueling said inability to say no or even thinking I'm allowed to say no. Wrestling with the fact that sm of this is an attempt to remain in control of the situation, to keep people placated bc they can't get mad at me then, but also still living with my parents who made me like this in the first place, because that's the best financial decision for me rn. Guilt or anxiety or whatever about the fact that my coping mechanisms/thoughts could be worse but also could definitely be uh..better. ongoing frustration with work and my workplace. [Redacted] happening suddenly at work this morning, which while not impacting me directly, has definitely made all of these emotions Worse.

#franposting #u can ignore this i just needed to write it out so it wouldnt be in my brain #or would be like. less in my brain #unfortunately i have to go actually so my job #probably just gonna put on tmg and try not to freak out #its uh. oh. realizing i am not doing as well as i thought i had been. or im backsliding a lot #its like yes i am better and autonomous and independent #and yet i am 27 and people pleasing and afraid and still a desperate child wanting everyone to get along and stop being cranky #terrified of the unpredictability of it and the passive aggression #so ofc my job is to rake myself over hot coals for everyone elses comfort. bc if i do that they wont be mad and wont be mean to anyone else #if I just suck up all the badness in myself itll spare everyone else yknow #and besides. what else am i good for? yknow? like. im just me. i have to make up for my existence somehow #the rational part of myself is very small and realizes this is absolutely fucked #but yknow. what else is there. what other evidence is there that life can be different. for me at least #there is nothing new under the sun. everything stays the same. etcetcetc #ah well. theres little joys i can find in the meantime. stay sane. stay kind and good even if im turning myself into a non person

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candybunnieholic · 2 days

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I'm so mad and disappointed with MoonVale because I was really excited and couldn't wait to play the game since I was looking forward to seeing what new adventures awaits us until I noticed that we have to pay for gems which sucks a lot even though it's nice that we can skipped the mini games but honestly I just have a lot of mixed feelings about the whole game now.

#moonvale #moonvale everbyte #I was really hoping that they wouldn't go down that route since it sucks when games make you have to pay for some choices and other stuff #especially when you just want to enjoy the game without worrying about those kind of things #so I'm more mad at myself for falling for it again #like I still hope that things will be at least a little bit better in the next chapter #I feel like I should haven't gotten my hopes up for moonvale #other than that we can skipped the mini game which is kind of nice minus the gems part #anyway I'm going to go watch some slice of life shows to cheer myself up now

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medicinemane · 21 days

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And maybe you'll be like "but if you don't trust businesses, how can you trust welfare?"

I fucking don't. My mom trying to get on food stamps fucked me up because a lady I never met without my permission got my SSN from my mom and started editing my files. My heart still races to this very second whenever I think about it, it kinda messed me up bad and I'll never ever ever see any kind of recourse

And I'm terrified that I'm gonna lose my medicaid just cause I inherited some money from my grandpa

And I've never even applied for disability cause it kinda doesn't matter finding out if I'd qualify or not cause of my depression, when the rules are so restrictive I don't know if I've even be allowed to keep my house

I do not fucking trust these things on a personal level. I feel like out of a lot of people I have the most to fear from them cause I'm on the edge of having things work, and that gets you punished

...but I need medicaid in order to have insurance (and when you strip out the finance side of medicaid, I love medicaid... they're honestly incredible insurance... I just... I just... dental is like 90% of why medicaid is so important to me, ever since I found out this state pays for it I've actually been able to do cleanings which is important to me cause I can't always get myself to brush)

And I think things like disability and food stamps are pretty damn important on a personal level, and honestly are also good for the economy cause they get people spending... it's practically a free cash infusion into the economy, cause these are people who need to buy stuff

There's just so much important stuff welfare does that it's worth dealing with government

No, what I want is more accountability so if someone gets my SSN from a 3rd party like my mom they're held to HIPPA styles standards where that's not ok to access my files without my permission (She changed my fucking address and tried to get medicaid to investigate me for fraud! Never even met me)

Like have some accountability there and in every situation

Secondly I want less punitive focused rules. I'd frankly prefer bezos get on disability than smack down some poor sod cause they got $2000 in the bank or cause their friend lets them live with them for free

If there's gonna be a cut off on these programs, it needs to be a solid step above the poverty line, cause... by definition I assume poverty line denotes kinda the minimum expected income people can reasonably live off of, and if you take away benefits people are gonna lose a chunk of money to covering that stuff themself, so you need a buffer before you kick people off

I don't fucking trust the government for a second, I've actively been fucked by them and on a personal level I avoid everything but medicaid and only that cause everything but the money is pleasant to deal with and I kinda need it (honestly if I was rich I'm not even kidding that I'd rather give medicaid like $400 a month than some insurance company, I sincerely like them as insurance)

But I'd trust them a lot more if they were less punitive, less out to hunt me down and gut me cause someone handed me a fiver or cause I started to get on my feet, and if government employees had concrete rules they had to follow that were actually transparent and enforced

Like 90% of my problems with welfare go away if they're held accountable and there's less "catch the welfare cheats" mentality going around

I don't trust the government in the slightest, but sadly there some jobs it kinda has to do, so I'd just rather force it to be an open book where the public can keep an eye on it and if they step out of line there's consequences (sort of like I don't trust most mega corps but happen to sometimes need stuff from them... did you know literally every cell service provider has been illegally selling shit like your location data to random people like bounty hunters, and the FCC just slapped them with a fine that's 0.02% of their yearly incomes and debated even doing that? I even can offer a source on that)

...I don't trust much of any authority cause they constantly fail me and kinda screw me. Don't trust doctors either, but I still gotta go to them, you know? ...they're just... they're real bad at listening... so many systems need systemic change

(You know who I really don't trust is the cops. I could point to so many examples. My uncle doesn't trust cops either, and he's an ex Fire and SWAT paramedic, he worked with them and we still got into a long conversation where he basically tore into them far better than I can)

(I don't trust authority that's not accountable)

#anyway; if I'm a lousy cheat or whatever least they can do is give me a gun so I can solve that problem #shit makes me wish I was canadian so I could take advantage of their sick implementation of assisted suicide #what should be a system that gives people a choice about the quality of their life; and I don't think should be relegated to terminal illne #...there was... think he was dutch; had been burned by his girlfriend all over his body; was in constant pain #and he ended up using assisted suicide in the end cause he was just in constant agony... think that's his choice to make #but of course the canadian system concretely pushes people; mostly the poor and disabled; to kill themselves #not theoretically; as in literally says word for word to them 'you should really kill yourself; just sign here'#it's sick; it truly is #but for any americans that want to dunk on it; I'm telling you we're no better #we have the exact same miserable desperation and people (again; mostly poor and disabled) into despair #only difference is we don't offer assisted suicide #the underlying issues in the US and canada are so damn similar; so much of what's happening ends up being the same #you can't act smug just cause you only make people want to die instead of also offering to help #that's like saying that you're the good guy cause while you did everything you could to drive someone to the brink #get them fired; slash their tires; just cartoon level villain stuff to personally harass this person... at least you won't hand them rope #we have such similar systemic issues to canada; and I am explicitly telling you that like the people in canada that have said #'I can't take it anymore; disability doesn't cover my expenses and I can't get any help... I'm at my wits end so I'm gonna go die'#I'm telling you that I feel that same way; just without any eugenics agency I can call up #I'm really working to get things stable; but it feels like I'm teetering on the edge of falling into permanent failure #and... and I'll actually tell you the amount even though I don't like to mention money... makes me feel guilty #my gramps left me $27k; which sounds like a lot; but I got 20 windows that need redoing (house has a lot of windows)#...if they ended up being 1k each; that's most of the money gone; if they end up being more...#and I got a whole lotta other stuff I've been putting off like plumbing around here; need to replace that faucet #it's an amount of money that helps; but it's an amount of money that isn't gonna last #...that's like a year of bills; and my mom already needs me to pay like $400 to the propane bill since she got behind #I want to use it to... to try and really get my feet on the ground; but it might loose me my insurance... it makes me want to die #and not to be a selfish bastard; but if I could I'd like to try and take and invest a bit to maybe build some passive income #given that... that a job never seems to work out for me cause I fucking suck and cause like... my insomnia has me up at 5:30 am right now #mm tag so i can find things later

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