#my life for the next year is going to be terrible
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I love the Agatha Christie question!
Who are your HP/Twilight faves in the Christie universe? (Who’s the opportunist who knows too much and dies for it? Who’s the conman killer who courts the girl to avoid suspicion? Who’s just trying to take a holiday and gets caught-up in a murder? Who are the dynamic mystery-solving duo who realize they are in love by the end of the novel? etc.).
I mean, that is kind of what The Man Who Would Be King (and secret fic) (both cowritten with @theoriginalcarnivorousmuffin) have already become. We have our murder victim, Alphard, a very rich man with a colorful family, and possibly his sister, we have our unlikely detectives in Voldemort, Lily Potter, and Alphard himself. It may not be the center of the story but it's a large part of it.
In other words my answer for Harry Potter would somehow spoil all my present and future fics so I won't.
As for the Twilight version...
I vote we do it wealthy dysfunctional family style, it's most natural.
A patriarch is poisoned
Carlisle Cullen, a very wealthy man with powerful enemies, nonetheless dear to those around him and blessed with more friends than most, is found dead in his office one morning. Cause of death? Murder.
The police, caught on the detail that Dr. Cullen was a vampire and vampires are real, what the fuck is this on the doctor's autopsy table and is he going to wake up again and drink all our blood?, are little use in the investigation. Scotland Yard is soon brought in, and using Chief Swan's connections with the family they get a better picture of Dr. Cullen's life.
His family wasn't looking to inherit him anytime soon, as he was immortal. None of them were having money troubles however, all were independently wealthy.
He had made enemies of a thousand-year-old clan of powerful vampires, who on hearing that his murder is being investigated like this get very upset. Supposedly the victim lived with them in his youth (and inspector Craddock cries when he learns the timeline for this murder goes back to the 1600s. Are they going to have to bring historians in on this murder??), he might have known something
Oh what's that? The victim had a whole network of friends across the globe, who are all killers, and he knew everyone's secrets? ... do we have the budget to investigate this?
The victim was also living next to a tribe of magical shapeshifting wolves evolved specifically to kill his kind. They liked him best and had a line in their treaty that "he dies last". Not sure what to do with this information
Rosalie Hale missing person case from 1933 solved: Carlisle Cullen adopted her. Was she recognised, did someone piece it together, and was Carlisle killed in retribution?
The victim lived a fake life of fake papers. Could be important, except it's the most normal thing about this case.
The police wonder how this man didn't get murdered sooner, and are stretched so thin the investigation is going slowly.
So, Renesmee gets to be our plucky detective du jour, as she decides to see if she can help. Surely there is no harm in her poking around, and she's well liked around the vampire world so there might be answers she can get that human police can't, partly because policemen keep getting eaten.
She slowly narrows it down to the horrible realization that it was someone in the family, and she learns terrible things.
Jasper Hale wasn't Jasper Hale at all! He was a friend of Jasper's in the newborn army who wanted a new life, and who in the wake of Jasper's suden and unexpected death assumed his identity. He had Peter bite his entire face so he'd be scarred like Jasper had been, and vouch for this blond vampire most definitely being Jasper Hale.
Peter later had to die because he Knew Too Much, and so did Charlotte, regrettably. Fake Jasper did however not kill Carlisle.
Edward seems a prime suspect, he is an angry and resentful young man who acts out. Everyone thinks he did it, and that Bella should certainly marry Jacob, the safer option. Much upheaval is had, however, once Renesmee is able to clear Edward's name and he meaningfully links arms with Bella. They sail off into the sunset with their inheritance.
Rosalie is a beautiful, cold, intimidating woman, the femme fatale sort who's surely conniving. It's a bit of a mystery why she married that poor fool Emmett, but it's clear to all she doesn't love him. No clear motive from her, other than the money she would inherit, but she's just so suspicious. Her alibi is ambiguous, she claims she was with Esme and Emmett but what if Esme and Emmett are lying to protect their daughter and wife? Superintendent Battle wonders about that.
Renesmee is at a loss.
And then she realizes that it's not Rosalie who acts like she doesn't love Emmett, it's Emmett who acts like he doesn't love her! And Esme's grieving widow act is just that, it's an act!
Renesmee realizes that Emmett and Esme are lovers, and killed Carlisle together. Esme committed it while Emmett tricked Rosalie into giving her an alibi. Renesmee realizes this once she has a "But Rosalie couldn't have seen Esme from that angle!" moment.
The plan was too pin Rosalie for the murder, see her hanged, and then in due time the mourning widowers would marry, happily entitled to all the money they couldn't have touched if they'd divorced. Also Rosalie was Catholic so she wouldn't have agreed to a divorce.
The two lovers are confronted, and Esme pulls out a tiny pearl-studded gun from her shoe, says "We tried, my love. I regret nothing" before shooting first Emmett, then herself.
#agatha christie#twilight#twilight renaissance#twilight meta#my fic#the carnivorous muffin#the carnivorous muffin fic#the man who would be king#secret fic#renesmee cullen#cullens#jasper hale#rosalie hale#emmett cullen#esme cullen#carlisle cullen
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(Tw for self-harm and abuse)
I just had a really weird ask show up, and instead of airing it (because it implied both that we choose to be gay, and that trans people wouldn't be trans unless we were m*olested as children) I'm gonna talk a bit about my long journey with identity.
Even though I spent a lot of my childhood being pretty confused about myself, I didn't hear the word 'Transgender' until I was an adult in 2009. That year I also got my license suspended for underage drinking and had to move back with my parents for a year. At my parents urging I started going to church activities every week, which is where i met my now ex-wife. I spent 2011 until about 2016 slowly knowing that I was going to come out eventually, but i was doing it all in secret. What I was doing was in pretty stark contrast to my religious upbringing and all the pressure being placed on me to start being a husband, and the huge expectation to have kids.
It culminated in me wearing makeup to my old Home Depot job for about a month, and even though everyone there was pretty ok with it, my parents saw me one day. And the entire situation crashed around me. My parents and my ex let it be known that I was going to stop this forever or I'd be cut off from the family, that I'd be homeless and alone if I continued. They said what I was doing was against God.
And I was so scared I went along with it. Everything fem was thrown away. I shaved my head. I had a kid, even though I had some serious doubts that I would be a good parent. The next 4 years of my life was pretending to be the cis straight man my family wanted me to be.
And it's not a stretch to say that I was dying. I slept 3 hours a day. I went through periods of binge eating and then starving myself. I had a terrible temper. I started working a driving job and every time I got behind the wheel I thought about driving off a cliff. I gave up control of my finances. I let other people decide everything for me. I didn't get pleasure from anything in life at that point, not food or entertainment or even sex. The light was gone from my eyes, hidden behind a big beard and a flannel shirt.
It wasn't until summer 2021 that I couldn't take it anymore. I broke down in front of my ex-wife in a restaurant parking lot while our kid was asleep in the car. It was a 2-day fight where I was called hateful things I've never heard before, by someone who claimed to love me. But eventually she relented. We agreed the relationship between us was functionally over, and I still had an obligation to our son. I started looking for therapy the next day.
All that brings me to now. That ask was sent by an asshole, who doesn't know anything about my life and isn't gonna change their mind based on anything I say. But I do hope there are people who find this and think a little more positively about queer existence. You could say I 'chose to be trans' and you might be right in a way. I was always trans, but I chose to transition. Because the other option was death. I decide my life, not transphobes or my shit family or a shit interpretation of God. Me. Gay people, trans people, all of us *choose* to live in a way that makes us happy. That's it.
#asks open#asks#natalie answers#trans#lgbtq#lgbt#transgender#transisbeautiful#transfem#mtf trans#queer community#transition
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#im more than 90% sure i tore my acl in my 'good' knee#on Wednesday night before my surgery i went to the bathroom and came back#went to roll onto my bed i guess in a way that wasent good#i heard what i believe was a pop#no pain no loss of stability i could stand fine#i freaked out but had to tell myself it couldnt be because i would not be able to handle it#didnt tell anyone#i was in pain and on oxy and til sunday night and ibuprofen til yesterday night#so i didnt notice qnything until last night what i feel like is swelling#maybe small periods of light pain every now and then#so now i am trying to not have a complete break down of having to 1 spend time rehabbing and healing my left leg#while trying to not farther injure my right leg while having to use it while i rehab my left#i called my docs office but the lady on the phone said i have to make another appointment for another i jury#im going for my post op tomorrow so im going to tell him then and see what he says#most likely an mri and whatever else he says#i hope to god its not it but i am so sure i heard a pop#my life for the next year is going to be terrible
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yeah yeah you hate me I'm an evil disgusting perverted manwhore we have each other blocked everywhere blah blah but I know you still jerk off to me and I know it makes you hate yourself a bit because you don't have the strength to accept the darker parts of your desire. but you can't help yourself and I take pleasure in the knowledge.
#this pussy makes homosexual men hate themselves !!#this tdick makes you want to kill yourself !!#this wretched and desirous personality has captivated you so !!#pussy change your life like im god~ they always fall in love not my fault~#im never pickin up when they call~#<- song lyrics#you want to fuck me so bad it makes you act stupid !!#im genuinely not mad people are generally going to end up hating themselves too much to be chill#but i am having a wild laugh bc this mf who told me i'm a gross freak also told me that he has sex dreams about me regularly#like yeah ok faggot#watch this loser text me in like a year apologizing for being a judgy little bitch begging me to respond LMFAO#thank u next hoe !!#idk its extra liberating to not only decide to be more choosy but also to know they obsessed#how's the vanilla boyfriend taste? can he get you off 7 times in a row? does he make you feel free and hedonistic?#anyway yeah im just being mean here bc its a mood boost i would not say this shit to anyone lmao#trust me bro i am literally the last person to cross the line when i get emotional (usually excited sometimes angry or horny)#ok no im a little prone to excitedly infodumping for 8 hrs but i try not to offend people#making enemies for no reason is a terrible idea
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Okay y'all it is over it is done the conversation has been had he knows I love him we are still friends I have cried my eyes out properly I have laughed again my heart will keep on hurting for a while but it is FINISHED
#it is a bit rough to be told that the age gap (3 years??) is too big and life stages are too different#and that it would be unwise since im graduating next year#and then be told that he's not attracted to you in that way#and THEN be told that if you were younger he might consider it#but alas that is the way the cookie crumbles#i do value his friendship very much and i am glad for it#but i am also glad he was honest with me#lads if i could choose i would go through all of it again! i have loved this poor sweet oblivious boy for a short while#but it has been very long and very deeply lodged in my heart#anyway i will be okay and im glad i can laugh again so soon :)#thank you for praying for me it really has been a fresh new hell in many ways#and i do love him. i do love him so terribly much#but i know it will pass#also he WAS very sweet about it. very sweet and honest and vulnerable and i deeply appreciated it#part of me is like. WILL I EVER LOVE AGAIN??? and the other part is like. i cant imagine loving anyone else#i kid you not he is the most wonderful God fearing gentle kind man of integrity i know. i love him terribly.#and there is no other guy who i trust implicitly and know i can tell or talk to about anything#so it is hard to imagine loving anyone else. he is so precious to me and just being around him makes my heart so happy#it will pass!!!!!#the waiting room chapter
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Druck S3 - Five Years on
#druck#druck s3m#og druck#5 years ago I was still trying to pretend that 'I don't go here'#and there was some terrible stuff going on in my life#but even so there I was eagerly awaiting the next clip#while pretending I wasn't#and saying that I was waiting for the episodes at the end of the week#episode 3 was where it all flipped properly#but episode 2 still has a real fond place in my heart#so many great moments#such great characters#pleasantly happy with how much we saw of David#kiki's exasperation made me smile etc etc#long story short#I was hooked even if i wanted people to think I wasn't
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I finally bit the bullet and quit my joooob !!! Now im gonna actually have time to rest and catch up on owed art and just fucjin sleep for 3 weeks
(And then scramble to find a job but thars for future me to worry abour)
#dw i still live w my parents and ill save my last paycheck for rent and testosterone ill be fine#but fuck im so relieved#like this job has been getting steadily worse over the past year.#it was meant to be a green/conservation based job but it ended up being 90% landscaping and garden clearances#and there was 0 communication and management and organization is fucking terrible like#its a wonder this company is still going#plus my terf coworker grinds my gears so bad i may have commited murder if i stayed any longer#the only good part of this job was my rly sweet supervisor who is also leavong at the end of the month skdjsj#hes so silly and kind and knowledgable and a bright spot in my life leo my best friend leo <3 he knows soo much about plants!!#anyway he reccomended some horticulture apprenticeships and my other supervisor mentioned an apprenticeship school type thing too#so thats what ill go for next year#so that i can actually work with plants someday. instead of hauling 2 tons of litter out of someones shed cos the owner cba#and the housing association/council refuses to do it cos its shit work#so they pass it off to us#anyway#finn.txt#im gomma be freeeee soon
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...💇♀️
#so i went to the hairdresser's in september to get a trim after over a year of having NOTHING done to my hair#it was in suuuuuuuuch a poor condition but i loved how long it had gotten so i suffered through the summer#i just wasn't ready to say goodbye to my mermaid hair 🥺#(i should've got it done in the spring but didn't because. well. life i guess lol i wasn't feeling very well maybe)#and so when i finally went to get it done i asked the hairdresser to cut only what was necessary#fair enough i went home only to notice absolutely NOTHING had happened 🙃#i thought i could live with it until maybe later in the winter but i was getting so frustrated with how lifeless and tangled my hair was 😭#so i booked a new appointment at a different hairdresser (a new one has just opened near me)#and aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh my hair looks and feels SO much more healthier now!! 😭 nearly teared up at the hairdresser's feeling my new hair 😂#but at the same time i'm a bit 🥲 because it's quite a bit shorter now 🥲🥲🥲🥲🥲#it's not short per se but aaaahhhh I'm having a minor identity crisis lol (no i'm not i'm just being dramatic 💅)#but it's definitely better this way. i love my hair and i'm never ever letting it get in such a terrible condition ever again 🤧#also i'm not going back to that other place again because it wasn't the first time the same person had done barely anything to my hair 🤨#i mean. i guess they just did what i had asked but...#with all the other hairdressers there's never been any problem when i told them to ''only take what's needed''#i guess she was just too cautious to take TOO much of the length of my hair but gurl what's the point if you only take like 1 cm 😐#with ''what's needed'' i obviously mean ''enough so i won't have to come back here next month'' :\#anyway! i'm happy and keep sniffing my hair (and giving myself a headache in the process) because the products they used smell so nice 💖#pointless ramblings hi yess i'm bored by theflyingfeeling
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📖🖊❄️
#journal dump bc i have too much on my mind#1) i HATE my neighbors. theres never one quiet moment. they stomp around and slam cabinets all the time it feels like#2) i've been reading more recently even if concentration's hard bc of noise. but i also feel like there r too many books i wanna read#but yeah. too little time. so instead i cant settle on a book and kinda dont even read as much as i want to. a stupid problem really#3) it's crazy to say but i wish i had a part time job. sitting at home 24/7 for 5/6 years has been SO terrible for me.#everything feels meaningless. every day is the exact same. im not LIVING. im rotting away and all my issues get worse. im also so fkn bored#and i dont wanna sit at home and do assignments (even if thats what i technically should be doing)#i want a job to go to which takes me away from home + gives me money#then i can come home and sit and rot and ENJOY it. bc now my lazy time is only smth negative and bad for me :/#ofc i hate the mere thought of having some soul sucking utterly pointless job and our capitalist society is a slave hellhole. but.. as it is#im not even able to enjoy ANY of my time bc all my time feels bad. plus im only getting poorer and poorer so i cant afford to buy anything#4) im so fkn bored and going crazy from eating the exact same food every single day for the third month now. im sick of it#everything tastes so bland and disgusting. it's genuinely making me depressed 😭 i wanna eat REAL food. im so tired bc no nutrition :((#i cant do anything except wait for my appt w the doctor next week and hope they put me on a waiting list for surgery.. but ong im sick of it#5) i miss my sisters :/ we live in the same apartment but its like i've completely ceased to exist to them#except when they need to be passive aggressive to me. lol. i miss them. but they just dont wanna talk to me :/#but tbh. most of all... i just want my health issue to be over so my body can function normally again.#i can face anything in life if i can come home to a cup of coffee nd some chocolate ^-^ <333
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tomorrow is such an important day, im a mcfucking nervous anxious wreck already gOD
#got the school interview tomorrow#i just. really want this. something needs to change in my life and getting to study something im genuinely interested in#and something i genuinely like and i know i could do as a career would mean everything to me#unfortunately if i do become a student thats gonna put a terrible dent on my finances as well as i have to move and thats gonna be#the next four years of my life. but i also just REALLY want this#my life needs a meaning. and this could hopefully be it#i have no idea what they are gonna ask in the interview but apparently its gonna be scored from 0 to 60 points which. nerve wracking#the other assignments were 0 to 20 so its total out of a 100. i know i have at least ten points so far if i got to the interview lol#but yeah im. i just really hope it goes well. i really need this. im tired of not going anywhere not doing anything not having a future#please. i dont ask for much. ive had enough rejections this year already idk what im gonna do if i dont get this or any of my backup plans#just.. yeah. im tired but i gotta set up stuff tomorrow oof. pull my assignments up and set up my laptop for the interview and hhhh#im just. nervous#idk what im gonna do if i fail this#and thats fucking terrifying#god i hope i can sleep tonight mmm#night is an absolute mess on main
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Role model paradox
The problem with the lack/lack of access to inspiring male role models for young boys is that we can’t solve it for them.
It’s like how the health class video about the Evils of Alcohol had everyone at the Wild Teenager Party(TM) dressed as if they were going to church and showed nothing worse than some inconvenience and (maybe) getting in trouble for having a party (offscreen). The educational institution is not going to show anything that could get them angry letters from parents, even if the students are already in high school and at least some of them are already having sex and driving under the influence.
The kind of role model that parents and teachers would choose will probably seem crummy and manipulative to their kids. “Here, look at this sports star (who plays a boring sport and is older than your parents),” “Look at this kid sports star (who’s a complete goody-two-shoes because they wouldn’t put him on TV otherwise),” “Look at this handsome guy (who’s ugly),” or “Look at this historical/fictional figure (who either did everything the grownups told him and/or showed rebellion in a way that seems boring),” “Look at this genuinely good star of a kids’ TV show (that you outgrew two years ago and would get mocked mercilessly by your peers for talking about).”
The kids have to choose whom they admire, and anyone they pick is going to have some traits that the adults in their lives won’t like. They’ll disobey their parents. They’ll speak defiantly to teachers. They’ll skip school/go drinking/etc. and it’ll be shown as clever and good that they got away with it. I remember writing a children’s story as a program project. It was about two girls going hiking in the woods. They get lost and then find their way again. Pretty tame. My mom kept telling me “Have them say ‘we should have taken an adult with us.’” But then there would have been no point. Even Ramona Quimby got to walk to school by herself, make her own sandwiches, and pulled another kid’s hair once.
There was an early-nineties PSA about always wearing a bike helmet starring Michaelangelo the Ninja Turtle. It had clearly been written by someone who’d never seen the cartoon. PSA Mikey was humble and polite. Humble and polite. These writers did NOT understand what it was kids liked about the character.
#well-meaning idiots#reviving laertes#role models#feminism#manosphere#Jordan Klepper just did a Daily Show about eleven-year-old boys quoting Andrew Tate and it's much on my mind#original posts#childrearing#nineties vision#my mom saw an episode of Tiny Toon Adventures#'This is a terrible show! The girls told their parents they were going to church bingo and then went to a party for older kids!'#Most Nickelodeon heroes were defiant or at least irreverent and almost always independent#the Kids Next Door saw adults as the enemy#Doug was a bit of a goody two shoes but even he had a rich fantasy life
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#srry for the continued pause in scribbles ive been feeling not very good at all#idk something just broke in my brain after our last sampling trip idk y bc it wasnt that bad but when i got back#it was just a couple days of my brain being real crazy in terms of thought patterns. it still kinda continues to b like that#but idk i haven't had a session of hysterical crying today so maybe im on the mend. its weird i haven't felt this bad in a really long time#i dont even have the energy to complain about it its just no joy. burned streight thru that. bruned streight thru my desire to draw#i mean i still draw every day but its like shitty i dont have time scribbes bc idk it all feels so fucking pointless. and im terrible at#hiding how i feel abt things so my boss is like: maybe u should take a break this weekend i dont want u to burnout. like. lady we crossed#that bridge way back in March. u r speaking to a ghost. i just. i dont kno if i can stay here until like next july at least if not longer#and it sucks bc i kno someday ill look back and this time in my life will make me real sad bc im laying here choosing to make myself#miserable and i somwhere halfway across the country my mum has tumors growing in her abdomen. and i cant go home for Thanksgiving and idk#how long ill get at Christmas. not bc anyone is telling me i have to stay. my brain just wont let me do things. i just lay here in my#increasingly chaotic apartment not taking the steps to get refunded for travel expenses worrying over deadlines and agonizing over social#interactions. worrying about all the things my brain wont let me do that need to be done and not taking the steps to get better#its stupid and annoying and i know its only going to get worse when i have to start taking measurements in the lab#ive at least been practicing a lot of german tho lmao. someday ill look back like: lol remember when u got super depressed and filled the#void with learning german? literally today my dyslexic read the word albeit as aber and it was v disorienting#idk its just fun and i feel like im at least being productive. so yea idk when ill b able to post scribbles again#but i thought id at least post something while i had the energy i accumulated by taking with a happy Canadian lab group#maybe ill join them in a year idk idk decisions decisions and so many applications the cost of which is trying to dissuade me from#getting a tatt0o :-P ay ay ay live a little! pls i beg u. but no prob not. against the rules#unrelated
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the hardest part about writing trash novel and thinking about it getting closer and closer to publication is that, like. it's not meant to be one book. it finishes at about fellowship 1/2 finishes, which is to say, we've introduced the conflict and gotten to our first stopping point but the arc of the main story sure is not anywhere close to complete. it takes I think I've decided to do it in four full books not five to go through the first arc. the entire series is probably 10-15 books. and, like, once trash novel is published, if it gets any sort of popular, it will need to be the Main Thing I Am Working On therefore for the next like. decade. which on the one hand I love and I don't think I'm going to get bored of bc like. ensemble cast and arguably it switches genres a few times v hard to get bored, but also like. side-eyeing The Numanok Files and The Heart And The Heartless and Strageside 7/ Operation Swansong/ strageside is v much set up that even though it's meant to be one book it definitely could have a sequel and just. obviously the solution is to partition my time so that I'm working on multiple projects at once, but it does feel kind of weird to lock myself into something like that
#my writing#weird musings bc like#I'm going to make a post later I think#but just given the way that life has shaken out#at least for the next few years I need a secondary source of income to prop up my household#and given the sheer amount of non-competes I've signed#writing is p much the only thing I can do#mostly bc tutoring is going to be v hard to work around my hours#and so suddenly having to think about Release Schedules and Marketability is fun and by fun I mean terrible#I refuse to compromise that I am writing for me what I think is good#but I think I'm going to have to write a lot more and get a lot better at it real quick
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YIPPEEEEEEEEEEEEEE PRICELESS IS SO GOOD RIGHT... LOVE THE ENDING FOR THAT... and very much anticipating First Penguin's... which I am DETERMINED to continued today... I feel bad for falling behind because I ended up binging a whole anime yesterday since the secondary protagonist was based on Tsutsumi and lost track of Fucking Everything 😭😭😭he is so cute though😚
OH BUT YEAH I played DQXI's demo [the first ten hours of the game or so]... yeaaahhhh... definitely that kind of game for me too... but I hope whenever you get back to it you have a good time! I may not know a thing about Metroid but I am also happy to hear it was an enjoyable experience overall :] I enjoy the tag rambles very much :]
REGARDLESS... EPIC... I HOPE YOU ENJOY SP... OR AT THE VERY LEAST I HOPE YOU CAN STICK WITH IT UNTIL IT BECOMES ENJOYABLE...
AND YOU'RE JUST NOT GOING TO DROP THE TITLE so mean telling me about all these interesting things to watch and not sharin the title (;´༎ຶД༎ຶ`)
TEN HOURS FOR THE DEMO ??? long as hell demo... OH BUT NO i love the games a lot !! ive followed the series for a while since. i do have that dragon ball/toriyama fanatic in me unfortunately even if i dont like toriyama himself ☠️☠️ i only really got to actually start one of the games last year when my bro got DQXI for me and ive been loving it so far (*￣▽￣*)ミ|Ю
i've BEEN enjoying it so far !! i'm just about to start episode four tho i AM gonna lose my mind if this hospital arc goes on one more episode bro this half the series already ☠️
#snap chats#joking of course.... haha unless--#if this is the chara you mean then he seems like a nice fellow :) i trust his vibes already..... he seems like a chara i'd like...#OH BUT PRICELESS WAS SOOOO GOOD AND SO LOVELY TYSM AGAIN FOR RECCING IT... i hope you enjoy the rest of first penguin !!!!!#NO WORRIES BOUT RUSHIN IT fair nuff theres no deadline !!!! id rather you take your time and enjoy it on your own terms anyhow :)#but SPEEEAAKING of DQ im actually playing it rn LMAO. i only stopped last year cause i just had an awful exp with a boss#and then i got busy with Life but itd been bothering me that i just stopped so i finally decide to get back into it#the boss wasnt even that hard this time around... tho i think thats just cause i went in Prepared this time ☠️#i dont remember why my bro got me DQXI.. i think he was just using some gamestop deal he had and got himself something too..#NOOO UGH i dont know if its in the demo but the boss was arachtagon and he's who i thought of while making that ichi and masato comic LMAO#of course i couldnt reference that fight since.... that wasnt the DQ game of the time... but still we get the point i think...#nono i love dragon quest and playing it's something i'm happy i finally get to do#it definitely requires you to think a lot more and be more careful with what you do#i mean itd PRRROOBBBABLY be easier if i did sidequests but i have a terrible tendency to wanna finish the game first...#in any case. i am playing it while watching SP because i was thinking of the next part of the game and was stuck on it#and when i looked up where to go i was like 'no i already checked that spot' and i was just gonna leave it at that but now i cant stop#but i ALSO really wanted to watch SP today but fortunately i can multitask#not like i need to pay a LOT of attention to dq rn.. im just grinding. cause im broke ☠️#oh but im glad you enjoy the tag rambles :) i have too many thoughts for my own good#like how when i was at the game store i saw DQ treasures AND metroid dread AND the megaman battlenetwork collection..#i was fighting real demons that day not to empty my wallet....#luckily my bro was with me so i felt like him being there was a way to keep me in check. even if he prob wouldnt have opposed (￣▽￣;;)#IN ANY CASE. i have multiple medias to consume lest i let The Thoughts take over my brain again for even a second ٩(๑❛ᴗ❛๑)۶#inoue's chara is so funny like He's Super Human um doc... i think he's just autistic lowkey..... he still a baller regardless tho
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oh I love feeling somewhat hopeful and excited about academia again :( I just have to get through this hellish year and then next year should be so much better. KNOCK ON WOOD.
#tbh my term is basically over i just have to write fourish essays and then do an exam#but it's so hard to get the motivation to do them i just feel so far behind after Everything that went down#and I'm sleeping ok now (KNOCK. ON. FUCKING. WOOD. ) but what happened with it fully did wreck me#and i went from actually being pretty ahead of everything i had to do to being way behinf#**behind#and btw i asked for an extension and she was like yeah I'll check and get back to you. and then never responded#and it doesn't even go toward our grade. so that essay isn't getting fucking written lol#especially when i have one due worth 80% like be serious...#<- it's worse too because the 20% assignment was due in. you'll never guess when. february. so you can guess how that went#oh and i STILL haven't gotten my shitty february essay back from that professor i emailed either!!! girl HELLO#anyway. hope u enjoyed that tour to my terrible academic life#the thing is. and i don't know if this is worse. when i actually do do the work even when it's last minute etc i do well#like if i just crack down for a day i can get a first in whatever essay. but lately i just can't do it. because of the illnesses.#but it's fiiiiine i have a month and I'll write them and they'll be good and it'll be fine. knock on wood. 😐#**YEAR. not term. my term IS over. and then i have my third one next month. I'm sure you don't care about this#but i like accuracy.
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#tomorrow a whole new quarter starts#and with it my biggest drive to date to get my life under control#I’ve done so much work this past year on myself#getting my dx and finding the right med combo + a year of intensive outpatient therapy#weird to think I’ve been a step below hospitalization for a year but like I did the work and am graduating from the program in 2 months#and I think the last major hurdle is that I’ve been so overwhelmed with college#I need to forgive myself and accept my issues and then just move on#I’m so terribly behind in part bc I don’t ask for help or seek out resources and that’s gotta change immediately#these next few weeks are gonna be really intense and hard work catching up to where I need to be#and I gotta accept that but once the hard work is done it’ll balance out and become more sustainable#it’s really terrifying to think about too much honestly lol like it makes me just wanna drop out#but I won’t. I came back for a reason. I’ll get through this.#it’s just a matter of making some lifestyle changes#I think I’m only gonna use substances on Friday or Saturday nights and no other time#I’m going back on keto#and I’m gonna phase in going to the gym after this first week#2023 is only gonna be my year if I get off my ass#too many ideas and dreams but not enough hard work to achieve them and that’s just not who I am#just scary to think that tomorrow is when everything really ramps up. just gotta get through the terror of everything I need to do#and then eventually I’ll make it to the other side
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