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#everything feels meaningless. every day is the exact same. im not LIVING. im rotting away and all my issues get worse. im also so fkn bored
silenthillbunni
·
5 months
Text
📖🖊❄️
#journal dump bc i have too much on my mind
#1) i HATE my neighbors. theres never one quiet moment. they stomp around and slam cabinets all the time it feels like
#2) i've been reading more recently even if concentration's hard bc of noise. but i also feel like there r too many books i wanna read
#but yeah. too little time. so instead i cant settle on a book and kinda dont even read as much as i want to. a stupid problem really
#3) it's crazy to say but i wish i had a part time job. sitting at home 24/7 for 5/6 years has been SO terrible for me.
#everything feels meaningless. every day is the exact same. im not LIVING. im rotting away and all my issues get worse. im also so fkn bored
#and i dont wanna sit at home and do assignments (even if thats what i technically should be doing)
#i want a job to go to which takes me away from home + gives me money
#then i can come home and sit and rot and ENJOY it. bc now my lazy time is only smth negative and bad for me :/
#ofc i hate the mere thought of having some soul sucking utterly pointless job and our capitalist society is a slave hellhole. but.. as it is
#im not even able to enjoy ANY of my time bc all my time feels bad. plus im only getting poorer and poorer so i cant afford to buy anything
#4) im so fkn bored and going crazy from eating the exact same food every single day for the third month now. im sick of it
#everything tastes so bland and disgusting. it's genuinely making me depressed 😭 i wanna eat REAL food. im so tired bc no nutrition :((
#i cant do anything except wait for my appt w the doctor next week and hope they put me on a waiting list for surgery.. but ong im sick of it
#5) i miss my sisters :/ we live in the same apartment but its like i've completely ceased to exist to them
#except when they need to be passive aggressive to me. lol. i miss them. but they just dont wanna talk to me :/
#but tbh. most of all... i just want my health issue to be over so my body can function normally again.
#i can face anything in life if i can come home to a cup of coffee nd some chocolate ^-^ <333
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