#my goal is to be active or at least plot things out
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One day I'll be on this blog and not just in a blue moon moment 😤😤😤 I'm thinking a lot about the complexity of Geralts character and his relationships. Sapko made a rich world with layered characters who share a wealth of moral complexity but the plotholes and plot dependence is something that will always irk me to no end.
#🐺 ( out of potions -- ooc. )#my goal is to be active or at least plot things out#so much of me wants to rewrite content again#but the games had a lot to work with and idk what happened after the baron quest
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So I understand that there are Good Omens show fans who have never read Good Omens the book, and that makes me deeply sad because--
Like, there's so much depth to the story being told about humans and humanity and the choice between good and evil -- and how that's actually a false dichotomy whoooops -- WHILE ALSO not really being about Aziraphale and Crowley at all (who are, imo, basically there as embodiments of "Impressive Failures" for the purposes of Theme and also Plot).
BUT IF you want to know why I've shipped them since the book-- here's the moment it happened for wee teenage me:
Wednesday (before the end of the world)
So it's Warlock's birthday party. And there are all these children and security guards and also an angel doing magic tricks while a demon is disguised as a caterer. This bit is basically the same as the show, so hooray.
But as wee me understood the characters up to this point, they were still basically enemies who had been in the field together for way too long and knew each other's moves well enough for the same tempting/thwarting of one another to become kind of boring and repetitive and generally pointless-- particularly once they realized that they could, for instance, just live their (separate!) lives watching humans being weird (Crowley) and seeking various sensory stuff (Aziraphale) while doing the least work necessary to keep their respective bosses off their backs.
The Arrangement was borne not out of hiding a friendship or anything, but instead the realization that sometimes covering for one another would just... cut down on their total overall workload. They were, at best, employees of two different, competitive companies-- though in same kind of department, doing the same kind of work-- who discovered they liked to have lunch at the same deli and that their jobs were sometimes distressingly more similar than either was comfortable with.
SO ANYWAY. BACK TO THAT WEDNESDAY. They're not covering for one another with this whole Antichrist thing-- they're now actively collaborating, and they've acknowledged (mostly) that it's not to cut down on their individual workloads, but rather to preserve their identical-- but not shared (not yet)-- goals of Getting To Continue The Lives On Earth They've Grown To Enjoy.
But like-- still not friends. Not really.
Until Aziraphale fucks up a bit, Warlock accidentally gets hold of a security guard's weapon and starts waving it around, and:
Then someone threw some jelly at Warlock.
The boy squeaked, and pulled the trigger of the gun. It was a Magnum .32, CIA issue, gray, mean, heavy, capable of blowing a man away at thirty paces, and leaving nothing more than a red mist, a ghastly mess, and a certain amount of paperwork.
Aziraphale blinked.
A thin stream of water squirted from the nozzle and soaked Crowley, who had been looking out the window, trying to see if there was a huge black dog in the garden.
Aziraphale looked embarrassed.
Then a cream cake hit him in the face.
My teenage brain exploded at this moment.
BECAUSE: there is no reason for Aziraphale to do that.
Work-wise: If he got shot, Crowley would get discorporated, but not die-- and anyway, it would happen in such a way that both of them could explain it away easily to their respective sides (and possibly even be commended for it!).
Collaboration-wise: If Crowley had been watching Aziraphale, and if he'd seen Aziraphale have the chance to change the gun but not do it-- then yeah, probably that would've been annoying enough to have warranted some chilly conversations once he came back topside, and therefore, Aziraphale choosing to save Crowley could've been a reasonable, logical choice to keep their working relationship on an even keel until they'd sorted out this Doomsday thing.
But Crowley was looking the other way.
Work-wise, it doesn't make sense-- and secret-collaboration-wise, it doesn't make sense-- and so it is, overall, really weird that Aziraphale saved him.
But his automatic reaction-- in a blink-- is to stop Crowley from getting shot. And he knows it's weird-- he feels embarrassed that his sudden, unthinking reaction is to save his "enemy".
And the final bit is just a couple paragraphs later:
With a gesture, Aziraphale turned the rest of the guns into water pistols as well, and walked out.
SO LOOK: He changed only the pistol about to shoot Crowley. His automatic reaction had nothing to do with saving a party full of humans, many of them children-- nothing to do with Heaven or Hell-- nothing to do with preserving the coworker he needs to stop Armageddon--
It was all to do with saving Crowley. Who may be the enemy, but he's Aziraphale's enemy. And another part of his life on Earth that he's doing all of this just to preserve.
Which may also be, for the first time, the moment he lets himself realize how important Crowley in particular is to him.
...and so anyway, that's how I started shipping these two immortal idiots, and one of many reasons why everyone should read the book.
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5 Tips to Avoid Burnout as a Neurodivergent Writer
When taking on a project as big as writing a novel, you may run into the risk of burnout. NaNo Participant Joana Hill gives some tips on avoiding burnout as a neurodivergent writer.
Burnout. As writers, we all know it. For neurodivergent writers, burnout can be even more damaging than usual. We can be much more sensitive, both mentally and emotionally, than our neurotypical friends and family.
This means avoiding burnout, and taking care of it when it does happen, can be even more important for us. I’m here today to provide some tips for my fellow neurodivergent writers to tackle just that.
1. Write What Interests You
Write what interests you rather than what you think you ‘should’ be writing. Many of us get caught-up in pleasing others. For neurodivergent people who’ve spent much of their life masking, or hiding their true personality and needs because of fear of rejection, it can be a hard habit to break.
If you want to write a 50k slow burn coffee shop AU of your favorite fandom, an epic space opera starring ants, or a main character with ADHD, autism, dyslexia, or any other disorder or condition you have, go for it.
2. Get A Support Network
For neurodivergent people, we’ve often lived our lives with special interests no one wants to hear us talk about. It often results in us not talking about them at all before someone can tell us they don’t want to hear about it.
Whether it’s offline with friends and family, or online here at NaNoWriMo or other sites, having people who are actively interested in listening to you and helping you plot and write can be a game-changer.
3. Celebrate As Many Victories As You Want
Many years, my personal goal is that I can get the new Pokemon game, which always comes out around the middle of November now, once I hit 50k. But you don’t need just one grand goal.
Get a bag of your favorite candy and say you can have a piece every so many words. Find something on Amazon you want (and can afford to get!) and say you’ll get it once you hit the halfway point. Whatever motivates you to keep going, set it into motion.
4. Plan For Flexibility
That may sound like an oxymoron, but hear me out. Neurodivergent people often love to have a plan. I know I can get frustrated and upset when I’m expecting something to happen and something different does. For a big goal like writing a novel in a month, a lot of things can end up going wrong.
Carry a notebook and pen or tablet with a keyboard case in case an errand takes longer than expected. Back your writing up to several places in case your main writing device crashes. Make sure at least one of those is a cloud service in case you end up writing on a device that isn’t yours. The more contingency plans you have, the better prepared you are when life happens.
5. Be Kind To Yourself
Some days you may not get the minimum goal, or you might not write at all. You may feel like you just can’t do it because you’re behind on your word count, or you decide you don’t like what you’ve written.
I get it. But don’t beat yourself up about it. Take a break. Play your favorite game or read your favorite book. Go for a walk. And remember that you’re awesome. No one can write this story like you can.
Joana Hill is a writer of young adult stories, as well as novellas inspired by Japanese light novels and anime. You can find her books, social media, and anything else you could imagine wanting to know about her on her LinkTree.
Photo by Andrea Piacquadio
#nanowrimo#writing#writing advice#self-care#neurodivergent writers#writer's life#by nano guest#joana hill
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It make me so sad that’s there is not much lotte or Teagan content on here 😭
I’m gonna mix my two requests for teagan together!!
take the punch t.m
plot: you take a hard punch in a corner kick, turns out it’s from the girl you’ve been talking to for months.
warnings: injury, aggression from teammates, Player gets hit in the face and player is only given a yellow also I am NOT a doctor
You stared at your phone and the messages that were on it.
More specifically the girl behind the messages.
You had met Teagan at the start of the season on her debut as Liverpools goal keeper.
She had been a pain in your ass.
saving your shots left right and centre, it annoyed you but impressed you so much that you went up to her afterwards.
“Teagan is it?” You ask, walking up to her and she nodded “uh yeah, your y/n” she responded and you nodded “you know your really good” you told her “wasn’t fun for me but you know” you laugh and she laughed with you.
“I was honestly very scared to go against you” she admitted and you rose your eyebrows “really?” You ask and she nodded “watched you in the World Cup when Australia versed you, got those goals past us like it was nothing”
Oh yes, you remember that day.
“Sorry for kicking you guys out” you said softly and she shook her head “nah it’s all good, had me mesmerised to be honest”
You blushed, “yeah?” you ask and the goal keeper nodded “definitely”.
Before you could response you felt the hands of your teammate drag you away “Chloe!” You complained as she smiled at you
“No fraternising with the enemy y/n/n”
“Shut up”.
When you went to bed that night you didn’t expect to wake up to a dm from the Australian.
‘I really hope this is your account and not just a very popular fan account’
And for the first time in a while you woke up with a smile.
After a month or so of talking online with the girl your teammates noticed a change in your behaviour.
You were smiling in the morning, trying new things for breakfast and pestering Mary and Alanna for Australian facts.
One day Alanna turned towards you “Alright who is it?”
“Who is what?”
“Who is the girl that is getting you all…giddy”
You stepped back “there is no girl”
“There is such a girl, who knew our little German could find love?” She grinned and pulled you into a loving headlock.
“Fine” you grunted “there is a girl” you admitted and cheers filled the room.
“Who is it?”
“Does she play?”
“Do we know her?”
“Please don’t let it be a physio”
You turned to Jill weirdly “what?” You asked and she just shrugged before you turned back to your teammates.
“I’m not going to tell her name yet just in case it doesn’t go well, yes she plays and yes some of you know her well”
You gave away your hints before the team realised it could literally be anyone in the WSL.
“Can you at least tell us the team?” Mary asked, using her power of being one of the younger, cuter members of the squad.
“No.”
You were on a FaceTime with the Australian when she made the first move “Do you want to go on another date with me?” She asked after the topic of your worst date ever came up.
You smiled bright, a blush burning on your cheeks but you were so ever happy “I would love to, we can walking on the beach again”.
“Well we have the Liverpool vs City game coming up next week so after that” she declared “nah, I was thinking something fancier, we can go on a nice dinner and-“
“I want you to surprise me” you cut her off “I want to know what your creative Australian mind thinks of”
“Well mostly it’s you” she chimed in and you groaned, rolling your eyes “oh shut up”
Teagan laughed at your reaction, smiling at the way you reacted to her cheesy pick up lines.
Texts back and forth between the two of you did not help your nerves for the game ahead of you. But mostly you were more nervous for the activities afterwards.
You had ended up confiding to your national teammate Lena about your situation ship with the Aussie, not letting your club teammates know just yet.
But when the game ends and the girls see you walking out the doors with Teagan they'll find out who your mystery girl is anyway so with your blood rushing and head spinning you finally and well accidently tell your man city teammate and unfortunately Teagan's international teammate Mary.
"Really?" she responds to your quick words as you laid them out quickly, you just blushed harder before she gives you a thinking face "well that makes sense".
You furrow your brows "how-why- how does it make sense?" you ask, your arms moving with your words "well last international break she seemed much happier and that was after we versed Liverpool and if we weren't at trainings she was like stuck on her phone"
You stepped back at your friends words, You and Teagan had only successfully been able to go on one date together by the time the first international break came over, it brough a smile to your face realizing that she was in a similar state as you afterwards.
"I can help you two!"
"Mary I will not allow this to become a primary school relationship!"
Soon the game was here, you were lined up with your team in the tunnel, not in the starting XI but still in your gear as a sub. Mary was behind you, still the only teammate who knew about Teagan.
"look who's watching" she teased and you turned red, quickly turning around and smacking her arm "stop" you instructed and turned towards Teagan who was near the front of her line, she was already smiling at your interaction with Mary but gave you a small wave which you copied before you all walked out.
"that hurt" Mary rubbed her arm "deal with it".
You weren't subbed on until the second half, City were up by one as Lauren sent one through Teagan's fingers and into the net. You saw Teagan dust herself off as you ran on, her eyes fell on you for a second before going back onto the play which you joined in on quickly after.
Jess had scored not long after and you cheered after her, jumping onto her back with a smile. You wanted to look back to Teagan to see if she was doing okay but you were in your element, playing the sport you love and in this case winning!
In the 87th minute Kerstin weaved through the midfield and in between defenders as you lead towards the goal, her eyes darted towards you and sent you the ball, you jumped to header it in and then black.
The crowd watched as you jumped in the air, the ball hitting the front of your forehead and unfortunately the fist of Teagan's hands hitting the back, causing you to fall forward straight on the floor which you stayed.
Teagan all of a sudden didn't care about the ball that hit the back of the net and quickly dropped down to you, rolling you on your back so you faced up to her. "Oh my god-"
Teagan was cut off as your teammates pulled her away "Get off of her Micah" someone called out, Mary, cringing on the sidelines as she couldn't split her teammates and her friend apart. The words were catching your ears as you stirred awake to whatever had just happened to you.
Teagan ignored the man city players pesters and kept her eyes on you "please I just want to see if she's okay" she told them but Alanna pulled her back as medics ran on "Teagan she's not going to want to see you" she told her and Teagan crossed her head "I was supposed to ask her to be my girlfriend tonight" she told Alanna and the tall Australian stepped back and looked back over to you with wide eyes.
"let her go over".
Teagan ran over to you as the medics sat you up, The referee also showing her a yellow card but she didn't care.
"Hmm- Teags" you slurred as the girl came into your view "what happened?" you ask and the girl pursed her lips.
"Kinda punched you in the face"
"Oh" you said, not really gaining the information, a clear concussion on your behalf
Teagan watched as you were taken off by medics and went back into her box, the game quickly changed in the last ten minutes, the crowd was quiet and the teams weren't playing as hard, Liverpool excepting their defeat and man city not celebrating their win.
Not without you.
You were taken into the medics room before they quickly decided to take you to the hospital for a CT scan.
Meanwhile at the game, some of the players skipped the walk around the field to talk with fans and checked to see where you were. Hospital was what word was heard and Teagan along-side with Man city players were on their way.
Teagan drove herself, maybe going a bit faster than usual but you were on her mind, this was her fault.
She had had a concussion before, a bad concussion, it took her out for months on the team. She didn't want the same for you.
She was the first to arrived still in her kit, your teammates walked in five minutes later, quickly seeing the girl and walking up to her "you don't have to take pity on her" Kerstin said, Lauren quickly following "a quick DM would have been fine for her", their words were filled with pettiness which Alanna and Mary quickly shut down.
"They're not strangers" Mary said quickly and they all turned their heads "what?" Chloe questioned, Leia still stepping up to the Goal keeper "then what are they?"
"She's the girl".
Leia stepped back as Chloe gasped "oh my god, we are so sorry" Teagan just nodded, she ignored their comments her mind strictly on you "she was gonna tell you today after the game"
"before you punched her"
"useful information, thankyou Mary"
All the girls sat down, waiting for you "do you think she'll be mad?" Teagan asked Alanna who shook her head "she knows what she signed up for when she took that header, she knows the game" the blonde said and Teagan just nodded, still not convinced you wont cuss her out when you see her.
You sat in the room, looking at the scans, you would have a month off which you nodded your head at "I know it's not ideal but you have to be on a bed rest for about a week and you will have to miss the next international break for Germany" the doctor told you and you once again nodded your head.
"But you will be well enough for the Olympic but if you don't make it to the finals then you'll be out until the end of the season"
You sniffed, rolling your head back to stop any tears. You were sure Man city would make it to the finals with how they were playing, but if you missed a month you weren't sure if you would get any minutes on the film.
You had seen how time off had done for others, you didn't want that to be you.
You walked out of the room looking defeated as ever, your teammates were the first to walk to you, checking up on you with little questions before Kerstin gave you a hug, silently apologizing for her kick which you told her was not her fault.
It was nobodies fault.
When they all walked away, Mary softly turned your head towards the Liverpool keeper who had left to grab flowers from one of the stalls nearby.
"I thought you would have gone home" you said, relieved at the sight of her "and go to the dinner by myself?" she joked and you softly laughed.
You touched the back of your head "I don't think I look nice enough for a fancy dinner right now" you said and Teagan stepped forward her arm raising towards yours "Well personally I think you look amazing"
You blushed as she she tucked your hair you had taken out behind your ear "how long are you out for?" she asked "only a month" you smiled "that's really good Y/n" she started before looking down "I'm really sorry I just wasn't thinking and-"
You cut her off y quickly pecking her lips, distracting her completely as she widened her eyes "I don't blame you Teagan" you said, grabbing the flowers with one hand and grabbing her other hand with the other.
"So you're not mad?"
You creased your eyebrows "of course not" she let out a sigh of relief "well that's good, might have to cancel our plans though" she said and you smirked "how bout we order take out at mine?"
"yeah?"
"yes."
#woso#woso soccer#woso x reader#woso community#matildas#teagan micah#teagan micah x reader#liverpool#mancity
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Heartfirst: A Ted Lasso Story - Chapter Seventeen
Chapter Seventeen: Break My Heart
Plot: With Y/n and Jamie not speaking to one another, a trip to Manchester brings about opportunity and heartache.
Word Count: 8k
Warnings: f!reader, language, insinuated smut, mention of abusive parents
A/N: THIS is the chapter I’ve been looking forward to the most. Even though this isn’t the conclusion, I think it’s what the whole thing’s been building to. Well, this is part one of it, at least. I’m gonna shut up now and just let you read. Enjoy!!
—————
Sam Obisanya: Remember that movie we were looking forward to? It’s coming out on Friday. Want to catch it this weekend?
Colin Hughes: Haven’t seen you around lately. Everything alright?
Dani Rojas: We missed you at Isaac’s birthday dinner! Come visit us next time you are free!
Rebecca Welton: Your tea’s cold. Keeley’s confirmed you’re not dead. Several questions.
Ted Lasso: What’s shaking, Abe Lincoln? Don’t be a stranger next time you’re meeting with the boss.
There had been an onslaught of texts in the three weeks since Y/n had moved out of the Dogtrack. She hadn’t expected people to not notice she was gone, but she hadn’t thought so many of them would care.
She’d ignored every single one.
She wasn’t the only one who’d chosen to stick with Keeley. Barbara had stayed on as well. With Rebecca’s generous financing, the three of them were keeping their ship afloat all by themselves. Jack be damned.
True to her word, Y/n handled all Richmond business from afar, only popping in with Keeley for an occasional meeting with Rebecca and Higgins. She sorted press conferences and post-match interviews without ever stepping foot in the building. If it weren’t so unhealthy, it would have been impressive.
In her makeshift office, actually the conference room, Y/n paced around her computer. She eyed the screen each time she passed by. Roy had a presser scheduled for the afternoon. Sam and…another player were meant to join him. Sam she could handle seeing, though Lord knows she felt guilty for ghosting him. The other one…
“Oh,” Y/n waved herself off, feeling ridiculous. She was a grown woman. She could handle it, she thought, as she turned on the video feed.
Springing to life on her screen, Roy sat between Sam and Jamie, fielding questions.
Y/n’s insides locked up. Jamie.
They hadn’t spoken since the night he’d shown up at her apartment. Not a single text or run-in. It was no longer just Y/n avoiding him, Jamie was actively not speaking to her.
Y/n tried to focus on Sam’s answers, he spoke humbly about Richmond’s 15-game win streak. The last three had been unbelievable you-had-to-be-there kind of matches. Hiding in her apartment with a Sky Sports broadcast hadn’t compared to the real thing. Y/n missed the energy of the stadium and the joy of watching the boys.
Her eyes kept floating back to Jamie. He was hunched over the table, biting his nails, not making eye contact with anyone. He didn’t look like he wanted to be there at all.
Marcus Adebayo, though he answered to Roy’s nickname of ‘better Trent,’ stood and addressed Jamie. “On the heels of making your England debut, how does it feel to be named Premier League Player of the Month?”
“Eh, um, yeah. Yeah, it feels good, I guess,” Jamie answered hesitantly, “But it’s really the team making me look good. So, I should be doing a better job of making them look good, really.”
If Y/n had been in the room, Sam, Roy and her would have all shared the same puzzled look.
“So, yeah. Makes me feel bad,” Jamie finished with a pursed frown.
Roy leaned forward, “Uh, Jamie also led the league in assists this month so he’s done plenty to make his teammates look good.”
“Yeah, but they’re the ones who took all the shots,” Jamie corrected softly.
“He also scored a goal,” Sam interjected.
“T-that was meant to be a pass,” Jamie pointed out, his voice high with anxiety, “You shouldn’t count that. That goal is a lie. It should be retracted from the records.”
Y/n shook her head in confusion, whispering to the empty room, “What are you doing?”
“I apologize to everyone,” Jamie continued, “Especially to the kids.”
“Right, let’s call it there, everyone,” Roy decided at the exact second Y/n was internally stepping forward, “That was great. Thanks very much.”
Y/n stared at the screen, her gaze following Jamie until he was off camera. Whoever had been speaking wasn’t any variation of the Jamie Tartt she knew. He was so out of character it was concerning.
She glanced at her phone, the device silently begging her to type a message. Ask him. Talk to him. Find out what’s wrong. Help him.
Instead, Y/n took a deep breath, closed out the browser, opened her email and got back to work. No good could come from her reaching out. Jamie would be absolutely fine without her, better even. And she would be fine without him.
—————————
Y/n wasn’t a woman who ever thought a man’s presence added anything to a situation she couldn’t. But as she heaved the water jug onto the cooler, she wished that she hadn’t sent the delivery guy away under the assumption she could do it herself.
She returned to the main room to find Keeley in conversation with Roy, both of them turning to face her.
“What the fuck are you doing here?” Roy asked.
Y/n motioned to the space around them, “I work here.”
“No, you don’t,” he replied matter-of-factly, “You work at Richmond.”
“Y/n has been here the last few weeks,” Keeley answered, “Just to get things back up and running while we’re short staffed.”
Roy took deep pride in not interjecting himself into anyone else’s business. Sure, he’d helped Isaac through whatever the fuck had caused his meltdown last month. Yes, he offered Ted advice from time to time. But the other 99% of the time, he didn’t particularly care what choices the people around him made. Their lives were theirs and his was his.
But Jamie and Y/n were another fucking deal.
He wouldn’t have invited Y/n along to their 4AM training sessions if he hadn’t known she helped keep Jamie’s spirits up. He’d caught the two of them leaving the parking lot together more than a dozen times. He’d noticed Jamie be the first one on the pitch whenever Y/n was observing training and the first one off when she was waiting on him for lunch. He was well aware the two of them were attached at the fucking hip. Y/n’s disappearance had thrown everything off-balance. Maybe it wasn’t the reason for Jamie breaking down in Roy’s arms earlier, but it certainly couldn’t be helping.
“Oh,” Roy humored the answer, smiling at Y/n. “That’s very kind of her.”
Y/n grinned back nervously, Roy could see through everyone’s bullshit but his own.
“She could help too,” Keeley suggested.
“Help with what?” Y/n asked.
Keeley gestured to Roy for an explanation. “Jamie’s going through some shit. I asked Keeley to talk to him, but since you two are close, maybe you could too.”
Big fat flashing red sirens went off in Y/n’s head. “Oh, I really don’t think I’d help anything,” she struggled, “I-I think Keeley’s much more suited.”
“Not necessarily,” Keeley disagreed as Roy continued to stare Y/n down, “I mean, you two are really good friends.”
“We’re not that close,” Y/n lied, “I mean, we’ve hung out a couple of times but really,” she extended a hand toward her boss, “You definitely know him better.”
Unlike her ex, Keeley had no problem inserting herself in other people’s business. She hadn’t yet approached Y/n about the headlines she and Jamie had made after the England match or the fact that she didn’t want to go near Nelson Road. Since coming back from London, Y/n had pulled away from everyone and everything, Keeley included.
Roy was taking some sick joy in egging Y/n on, “Oh, no, I think-“
“I’ll take care of it,” Keeley jumped to say, ending whatever confrontation was about to take place. “Promise.”
Y/n and Roy held eye contact, challenging one another to break first. Eventually, Roy’s desire to look at Keeley won out and he turned away.
“Thanks,” he glanced back over at Y/n, “I’ll leave you two to your work.”
Stealing one more fleeting gaze at his ex-girlfriend, Roy left the way he’d come, leaving Y/n with a whole new bunch of unresolved feelings.
“He’s quite handsome.”
Y/n startled, she hadn’t even realized Barbara was seated at her desk for the whole exchange. She headed for the conference room, eager to get away from every part of the conversation.
Keeley hung back a moment before following her and gently knocking on the door. “Hi,” she entered slowly, “Everything alright?”
“Yeah,” Y/n answered with faux cheeriness, seated once more at her desk/table, “Fine.”
“It’s just back there…you seemed a bit on edge when Roy mentioned Jamie,” Keeley broached the topic with care.
Y/n’s muscles involuntarily clenched, she tried to keep an even expression. “No, I’m fine.”
Keeley hesitated, nearly turning around and leaving before deciding to just go for it. “You know, if this is about the pictures of you two, I don’t think anyone thinks-“
Y/n sighed, “Keeley, I’m fine. I just think Roy should do his fucking job and take care of his players instead of pawning them off on one of us.”
“I’m not talking about Roy,” Keeley replied, “I’m talking about-“
“Jamie and I are not close,” Y/n said, her tone harsher than intended, “We are not friends. There’s nothing wrong with him, we’re just not as chummy as everyone seems to think we are. End of story.”
Keeley knew Y/n’s edges were sharp, but she hadn’t ever seen her snap so quickly. It only told her there was more to the issue than she’d guessed.
“Got it,” she gave a single nod, “I’m sorry I asked.”
Y/n regretted her words the moment she’d said them. Keeley hadn’t deserved her misplaced frustration. But the mere mention of that night triggered Y/n’s fight-or-flight response. Mixed with the knowledge that something was wrong with Jamie and that Roy clearly knew something, it was all too much.
She stared out the conference room window, landing on Keeley and Barbara’s desks they’d pushed together. She could have been with them, working together as a team. Instead, she was hiding away, once again deciding that the isolation could keep her safe from everything.
Everything except the gnawing fear that she was responsible for Jamie’s behavior.
—————————
Finally, the long awaited weekend arrived.
Man City versus Richmond.
Y/n left no stone unturned when searching for a new excuse not to attend the match. She’d had her period the first week of her three week absence, sick and exhausted the next two. If she’d had any family in the country, there would have been some fake emergency involving them.
She knew she couldn’t get away with a full month’s nonattendance. She had to go to Manchester.
Packing an overnight bag at 6AM and getting on the road by 7 had been her self-ruled terms. The last thing Y/n wanted was to be stuffed on a bus with everyone she was trying to avoid for four hours. Driving herself allowed not only space, but an escape route, if she needed it.
She was barely out of London when Keeley rang her. “Hi.”
“Hi,” the Bluetooth speakers of the car projected Keeley’s voice, “We’re loading the bus up. Just wanted to see where you were.”
Y/n sighed, she’d forgotten to tell someone she wasn’t coming with the team. “Actually, I’m already on the road. I couldn’t sleep so I figured I’d get an early start.”
“Oh,” Keeley sounded a bit disappointed, but not entirely surprised, “That makes sense. Smart choice.”
“Yeah,” Y/n replied, feeling the familiar burn in her gut that came with each lie she told, “I’m a bit ahead of you guys so I’ll see you when you get there.”
“Alright. Drive safe, yeah?”
“You too,” she said before disconnecting the call.
Y/n tried to listen to music, tried to play a podcast, but she found that anything other than silence just didn’t feel right. Every song seemed to trace back to her situation and every spoken word seemed to be speaking directly to her, telling her everything she was doing was wrong.
The silence was no more comforting, it only gave her more room to ruminate about the weekend. How was she supposed to avoid Jamie in such close quarters? How was she supposed to keep away from Ted, Rebecca, Keeley, the rest of the team? It felt like a mistake to come and an equally massive one to stay behind.
A long four hours later, Y/n pulled up to the Hacienda Hotel. The Greyhound bus had yet to arrive. She actually stood a chance at getting up to her room and dodging company till the match.
Y/n gave her car to the valet and dragged her single suitcase through the lobby. She headed straight for the front desk.
“Hi,” she greeted the concierge, “I have a reservation under Y/l/n.”
“Let me just check,” the man replied, typing the last name into his computer. He frowned, “I’m sorry, ma’am, we don’t seem to have that reservation.”
“No, that can’t be right,” Y/n calmly replied, “I called yesterday about transferring one room under the Richmond block to my name.”
The man scrolled through his list a second time, “Unfortunately, that request doesn’t seem to have been entered into our system. All the Richmond rooms are reserved under the name ‘Lasso.’”
Y/n sighed, she’d gone to extreme lengths to separate herself before even stepping foot in the city. So much so that she’d been willing to pay her own overpriced hotel rate.
“Fine,” she relented, “It doesn’t matter. Checking in to one room under the name ‘Lasso.’”
“Unfortunately, ma’am,” the employee grimaced, “Under hotel policy, we can’t check in individual guests if the reservation is under a different name. You’ll have to wait until the main guest has arrived.”
Y/n’s plan crumbled further, Ted had to check her in? Worse, she’d have to wait with the whole fucking team?
Just as she’d connected the dots, the hiss of a Coach could be heard outside. Y/n whipped her head around to see the AFC Richmond logo and the moving silhouettes of the boys through the dark windows.
“There,” Y/n pointed to the bus, “The main guest’s there. Check me in.”
The man hesitated, “I’m sorry, ma’am. I have to wait to confirm-“
“How many people named ‘Lasso’ do you think there are in this country?” Y/n whispered in a panic, “He’s right in there, he’s making shitty puns,” her hand bounced against the desk, “Check me in.”
Arguing would have been hard considering Ted was an anomaly in England. The concierge conceded to Y/n’s demand and began the process.
Y/n nervously drummed her fingers against the counter, glancing back to see Will emerging from the bus. Behind him were Isaac, Richard and Jan.
“You’ll be in room #601, ma’am,” the concierge reported and handed her a room key.
Y/n yanked the card out of his palm before he could tell her the bellboy would be happy to take her suitcase. “Thank you.”
She hurried across the lobby to the elevator, praying she could make a getaway without anyone see-
“Hey, Y/n!”
She stopped in her tracks, so close…
Y/n turned around and spotted Ted, hurrying across the lobby as one would after a long drive. She managed a smile and a wave, pressing the elevator’s button repeatedly with her other hand.
“Don’t forget,” Ted called as he made a beeline for the bathrooms. “Team movie, 7:30. I’ll give ya a hint; if you love Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan, you ain’t gonna wanna miss this one!”
In three weeks, Y/n had dodged a lot of invitations. A lot. Another declination and she was convinced she’d develop an ulcer.
“Sounds good,” she shouted just as the elevator doors opened. She jumped inside and pressed her floor number before anyone else spot her.
Just before the doors closed, she caught the first of the boys entering the lobby. Just past Sam, Y/n glimpsed the sharp edges of Jamie’s face. Her heart caught in her throat, the mere sight of him was enough to startle her.
She wondered how long she could pretend everything was fine before she proved herself wrong.
—————————
Y/n hid in her room the rest of the day. She didn’t dare leave to get ice or see the city, sure that with her luck, she’d run into someone the second she stepped out.
Half-way through the afternoon, a knock at the door surprised her. She peeked through the peephole to see Keeley. Out of anyone, she was the one that Y/n couldn’t totally avoid.
The door swung open and Y/n put on a smile, “Hey.”
“Hi,” Keeley greeted, “You beat us here.”
“Yeah,” Y/n chuckled, “Trust me, I’d have rather gotten the sleep.”
“Right,” Keeley chortled, “Can I come in?”
Y/n opened the door wider and allowed it. “What’s up?”
“I just wanted to steal your pillow chocolates,” her boss cheekily smirked but didn’t move to grab the candy.“And…to ask if you might reconsider talking to Jamie?”
“Keeley,” Y/n sighed in frustration, rubbing at her face, “I told you-“
“I know,” Keeley held up her hands, “But I just talked to him and…he’s really in his head. It’s bad, Y/n. I’ve never seen him like this.”
While she could pretend all she wanted that Jamie meant little to her, Y/n was growing more and more worried. Every one of his dreams were coming true, and the ones that hadn’t were on the horizon. He should have been on top of the world and instead, he was spiraling. She wanted nothing more than to bang on his door, wrap him in her arms and fix it all. Put him back together until he was his glorious self.
“Look,” Y/n pushed on one of her eyes, “Keeley, whatever you think I’m capable of doing for Jamie, I’m not. I’m not a footballer, I’m not his coach, I’m not his girlfriend,” she found the last words uncomfortably difficult to get out, “I’m half his publicity team. That’s it.”
“You’re more than that,” Keeley replied, she had the kindest way of arguing. “You two have been glued to each other’s sides since you got to Richmond. Jamie trusts you. If you just talk to him-“
Y/n pressed her hands against her lips as Keeley spoke. The panic was beginning to swirl inside her again.
“Keeley,” she cut her off and enunciated her words, “I can’t help him.”
After a whole season of working together, Keeley could easily tell when Y/n was lying, both to others and herself. She didn’t need to know what her and Jamie meant to one another, all that mattered was they did. If Y/n wasn’t ready to acknowledge it, there wasn’t anything Keeley could do.
“Okay,” she replied, once again resigned in her failed quest, “I’ll leave you be.”
Y/n didn’t move as Keeley’s furry jacket brushed past her, shutting her eyes to hide the tears. Only when she was alone once more did she let them streak her cheeks. Somewhere down the hall, Jamie was hurting, and that meant she was hurting as well.
—————————
At exactly 7:30, Y/n made her way down the hotel hall. Different conference rooms lined the walls and she followed their numbers till she found the one Ted had texted her. She slipped through the back door, the lights were dimmed and everyone had already taken their seats. Her version of perfect timing.
From her vantage point, Y/n had a perfect layout of the seating arrangement. The team were gathered in the first few rows. Keeley and Roy were at one end of the back row, with Ted, Beard, Rebecca and Higgins following. Y/n couldn’t help but let her eyes run over the players’ heads, spotting Jamie’s mop of hair in the front row.
After evaluating her options, Y/n chose the safest one at the nearest end of the back row, next to Trent Crimm.
“Just in time,” he whispered as she took the seat beside him.
“Yeah,” she replied, “Got lost.”
Trent nodded, waiting a few seconds before speaking up again, “You know, I’m sure anyone would be happy to switch. In case you wanted to sit with your friends.”
Y/n peered over at Trent, whose eyes gleamed suspiciously with knowledge.
“I’m fine,” she readjusted in her chair to prove the point.
Trent nodded, trying and failing not to smirk, “I’m honored to rank so high on your priority list.”
Y/n’s glance turned into a stare, the former journalist was smiling as if she were made of glass. Were her actions so obvious that even he had noticed?
Trent settled back into his chair, shifting his attention to the opening credits. Y/n did the same and focused just as the main title popped up.
You’ve Got Mail.
She groaned internally, if the universe was out to get her, choosing one of the most romantic comedies of all time was the greatest insult it could hurl.
For an hour and fifty-nine minutes, Y/n squirmed uncomfortably in her chair. She couldn’t go more than thirty seconds without sneaking a peek at Jamie, who hadn’t moved at all since the start. He was a fidgeting mess every waking minute of the day. Something was terribly off.
After Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks kissed in the New York garden and his golden retriever leaped to embrace them, the lights came back on. Y/n distractedly clapped along with the rest of the room, already eyeing her exit.
“All right. Listen up, you big softies,” Ted announced, “10PM, lights out. Then get yourselves some beauty sleep for tomorrow’s big meet-cute with Man City. You hear? Alright, Ephron on three. One, two, three-“
A few people, Beard being the loudest, chanted the filmmaker’s name.
“Lovely to see you again,” Trent said, a tease to his tone, as Y/n got up and out of her seat.
She hesitated, catching his knowing expression once more, and debated saying something. She decided it wasted energy and turned on her heel, making it only two steps before Keeley grabbed hold of her arm.
“Come on,” she ordered, pulling Y/n behind her.
“What?” Y/n asked, “Where the-“
Keeley didn’t answer, tugging her across the room towards the door Roy was holding open.
“Keeley, what-“
“Shh,” Keeley hushed, finally letting go of Y/n’s arm.
Y/n followed alongside her boss and Roy, unsure of where they were leading her. When they got to the lobby and she caught Jamie’s silhouette ahead of them, she came to a halt.
“No.”
“Y/n-“ Keeley began.
“No,” Y/n slashed a hand through the air, “I told you no.”
“Fuck your no,” Roy snapped, “I don’t care what the fuck’s going on wth you two, but your job is to make the club look good,” Roy pointed to Jamie’s fleeting figure, “And he makes us look good. So you’re gonna do your fucking job and you’re gonna help us fucking fix this.”
Y/n chuckled with deep annoyance, “You know what? Fuck you, Kent. I’m not one of your footballers you can boss around any time you’re in a shit mood,” she stuck a finger out at Roy, “You don’t get to tell me what to do.”
“Oi!” Keeley exclaimed, her heels slapping against the floor as she marched back, “Both of you, stop it. Come on!”
Roy and Y/n broke their stare, Jamie was rounding the corner and heading out the hotel’s doors. Sparing each other one more hardened glare, they followed Keeley.
The three of them exited the hotel, Keeley spotting Jamie passing the Richmond bus, and they traced his path. Against all she told herself, Y/n went on her own free will, chasing him through the Manchester evening.
Keeley’s stalking technique involved scurrying behind cars and lampposts, while Y/n clung to building walls. Ever the least subtle of any group, Roy simply walked the street, not using much caution to mask his presence.
They followed Jamie through neighborhoods and into the inner part of the city. They crossed bridges, climbed stairs and finally ended up on one side of a florescent lit tunnel. On their descent down the steps, they lost sight of him.
“The fuck is he?” Roy asked.
“I don’t know,” Keeley answered, “You’ve lost him.”
Roy glanced around them, “You said he went down here.”
“I did not,” Keeley argued, “You said that.”
“No, I said he’s in a tunnel,” Roy corrected as the three of them marched down the way, “I didn’t say he was in this tunnel. She’s the one who thought it was this one.”
“He did come down this one,” Y/n said sternly.
“Well, there’s no other tunnel, is there?” Keeley reprimanded them, “I don’t believe it. You’ve lost Jamie Tartt.”
“We didn’t lose him,” Y/n argued, silently worried. The second she’d lost eyes on Jamie was the second their surroundings suddenly became unsettling.
“You can’t lose Jamie Tartt,” Roy replied.
“Well, you have,” Keeley fired back.
“OI!”
Roy, Keeley and Y/n jumped at the exclaim, spinning around and shouting various expletives.
“Fucking hell!”
“What the fuck?!”
Jamie stood, hood over his head and hands in his pockets. “Why are you following me?”
“Just wanted to make sure you’re okay, you prick,” Roy spoke kind words with contrasting anger.
“What’s going on, Jamie?” Keeley asked, “Are you buying drugs?”
Jamie’s confused stare turned to Y/n, he locked up. The three weeks of not seeing her made her sudden presence feel like a hallucination.
Any face Y/n had been wearing dropped the second her eyes met Jamie’s. This was the closest they’d been since that night outside her apartment.
They came back to themselves quickly, hiding whatever they were feeling for the sake of Keeley and Roy being present.
Jamie nodded towards the path ahead of them, “Come on.”
Roy, Keeley and Y/n followed without question as Jamie guided them through the tunnel. It led up to a crowded neighborhood, a council estate that looked like it had seen better days.
Y/n made an effort to follow Roy, keeping as much distance as she could between her and Jamie. Her presence would probably mess with his head even more so than her absence might have. She was starting to wonder if the choice to come had been a selfish one.
They passed a group of kids kicking a football against a brick wall.
“Oi,” one of them called, “Are you Jamie Tartt?”
Jamie pushed back his hood, “Yeah.”
“More like Jamie Fart,” the youngest taunted.
“Screw you, dickhead,” the tallest one shouted, “Prick!”
“Yeah, who are you?”
“City’s gonna fuck you up tomorrow!”
Through the haranguing of insults, Jamie smiled, glancing over to Keeley, and sneaking one at Y/n. He led them away towards the row of houses.
Roy stuck around, turning to stare down the kids, who’d gone dead silent. Y/n readied herself to drag Roy away kicking and screaming from unloading on them.
Instead, he held up his hands in an ‘ok’ sign, “Good lads.”
While the kids were clearly thrilled at having been complimented by the Roy Kent, Y/n slapped his arm as hard as she could. Roy grasped it and silently protested before Y/n pointed to where Jamie and Keeley had gone off to.
They arrived on the doorsteps of one of the houses. Jamie rang the doorbell and they waited till a pair of eyes popped through one of the door’s glass bits.
“Hey,” the man exclaimed before opening the door, greeting them with a wide grin, “Jamie!”
“How you doing, Simon?” Jamie smiled and pointed to the group, “This is Keeley, that’s Roy, and that’s Y/n.”
“Come on in, come on in,” Simon waved them into the home.
Jamie entered first, shaking Simon’s hand, “How are you, mate? Good seeing you, man.”
“Yeah, great,” Simon replied as he ushered his guests in.
Keeley, Roy and Y/n all gave various greetings as they crossed the threshold. None of them knew quite where they were.
“Georgie,” Simon called up the stairs, “We’ve got visitors!”
A female voice called back down, “What was that, love? Someone at the door?”
Jamie made a beeline for the bottom of the staircase, just as a woman stopped at the top, frozen by what lay in front of her.
“Hello, Mommy.”
Y/n’s eyes widened.
Georgie screamed as she ran down the steps, leaping into her son’s arms. “Jamie!”
“Mommy, I’d like to introduce you to Keeley,” Jamie turned to face his friends, “And this hairy prick’s Roy,” his smile dropped an imperceptible inch, “And that’s Y/n over there.”
“Hi,” Keeley greeted in her normal bubbly tone.
“Hi,” Y/n managed to eek out, holding up a nervous hand.
“Hey, you,” Roy said smoothly.
“Hi,” Georgie greeted them all while hugging Jamie once more, “It’s lovely to finally meet you all. I’d come and give you a hug,” she squeezed the sides of her son’s face, “But I’m not letting go of this one!”
Jamie lifted his mom into the air and spun her around.
“There they go,” Simon observed, “Right, who wants some sweet treats?”
Simon slipped off deeper into the house while Georgie and Jamie stayed in their embrace.
“Look at your gorgeous face,” she exclaimed as Jamie carried them both down the hallway, “I love it. How have you been? Look at you.”
Run. All of Y/n’s instincts told her to run right back out that door and take her chances with being abducted in the sketchy tunnel. Roy and Keeley must have sensed her unease because Keeley reached back for Y/n’s hand and Roy kept behind her, forcing her inside.
Georgie and Jamie had managed to separate long enough for Jamie to snuggle up against his mom on the living room couch. Keeley, Y/n and Roy stood at the entrance to the room, unsure of where to go.
“Oh, come and sit down,” Georgie gestured to the rest of the room.
Keeley and Roy entered less hesitatingly than Y/n, who took up a seat on the arm of the couch. To say she was uncomfortable was an understatement of epic proportions. Here she’d gone to every effort to avoid Jamie, and she’d ended up in what was clearly his childhood home with his mother.
She glanced over at the shrine to Jamie on the far wall, various pictures of him from different stages of life proudly displayed. Baby pictures all the way to league headshots. Y/n wanted to evaporate into thin air.
Simon popped back into the room with a plate of baked goods, dishing one out to each of his guests as Georgie and Jamie talked.
“It was just poopy,” Jamie quietly vented to his mom, his thick accent changing the word entirely, “You know, it really upset me. This guy on Twitter, he kept saying that it was blonde, but I’m like, ‘It’s fucking walnut mist, mate.’”
Y/n nearly spit out the bite of scone she was chewing. If this whole debacle was about his vanity, she’d march out the door. They’d argued several times over the exact shade of the highlights.
“Yeah, obviously,” Georgie agreed, stroking her son’s hair, “He’s done a lovely job, it’s dead natural.”
Simon finished pouring the tea, looking up expectantly at the party. “What do you think?”
Keeley smiled, “It’s really yummy.”
“Yeah, it’s wonderful,” Y/n managed to find her voice.
Keeley elbowed Roy, who was lost staring at the sight of his former nemesis cuddled up with his mother like a lost child. “It’s fucking delicious,” he said distractedly before returning.
“Well, it’s a Paul Hollywood recipe, but I’ve gone a little bit rogue on it,” Simon explained.
Allowing herself to slip back into a world where Jamie was damn near the center, Y/n wondered who Simon was. He clearly wasn’t Jamie’s biological father, he was the complete antithesis of the man she’d heard horror stories about. Jamie had never mentioned having a step-dad.
“Babes,” Georgie said softly, “Do you wanna give Roy, Keeley and Y/n the grand tour? Show them around a bit?”
“Yes,” Simon agreed, catching the signals his wife was throwing at him. “Good idea. Thank—“ he stood and hit his head on the overhead light, “Oops! Right, follow me. We will start in the kitchen, aka my laboratory.”
Y/n was the first to stand, but fell behind Keeley, making her a buffer. When Roy hesitated to leave, she tugged him harshly out the room.
“Fuckin’ grip you’ve got,” he complained as they walked to the kitchen.
“Oh, bite me,” Y/n retorted. Keeley had good intentions, but she was ready to kick Roy for dragging her into this.
Simon took them on a full tour of the house, showcasing his kitchen and its appliances off as if they were his most prized possessions. All along the walls of the house were pictures of him and Georgie on various trips and holidays. Scattered between them were childhood pictures of Jamie.
Eventually, Simon led them up the stairs and down a short hall. “And here is the main attraction,” he announced, opening a door and flipping on a light, “Jamie’s room.”
“Oh, sweet Lord,” Y/n muttered under her breath. This was way too deep in.
The room seemed untouched since the day Jamie had left it. Both childhood toys and teen paraphernalia were stacked on shelves and dressers. The bedding had a football pattern to it and there were various trophies for the sport nearby. On the walls, there were school certificates and diplomas and-
“Fucking hell.”
Y/n turned to see a poster of Roy, sporting a Chelsea kit and a very shaggy haircut tacked to Jamie’s wall.
“Ah, yes,” Simon looked to the footballer, “Many posters have come and gone over the years. Henry, Gerrard, Ronaldo…but Roy Kent, always remains.”
Y/n slapped a hand over her mouth and snorted, ignoring the daggers Roy was sending her way.
An phone alarm went off and Simon pulled the device out of his pocket. “Oh! Meat pies are done,” he said, “Excuse me.”
As he shut the door, another poster was revealed. This one of Keeley during her more risqué modeling days, holding two footballs against her breasts.
“Fucking hell,” she grunted.
“Yep, no, can’t do it,” Y/n finally found her voice and the doorknob. She wasn’t sure she could spend another second in Jamieland without her head exploding. “Simon!”
Their friendly host had barely made it down one of the stairs, “Yeah?”
“Let me help you with the pies,” Y/n jogged down the hall.
“Oh, no, you go ahead and look around,” he said kindly.
“No, really,” Y/n followed him down the staircase, “You’re kind enough to deal with three strangers barging into your house. It’s the least I can do.”
Simon scoffed lightheartedly as he led them into the kitchen, “No friend of Jamie’s is a stranger in this house,” he slipped on a pair of oven mitts, “Right, if you want to place these on the cooling rack.”
Simon pulled out the tray of pies and set them on the stove. Y/n went about setting them on the racks, wondering if she’d made the better choice. Now, instead of sitting in Jamie’s bedroom, she was cooking with his step-dad.
“So,” Simon spoke as he moved about the kitchen, “I can gather what brought Jamie here, but what made you three tag along?”
“Oh,” Y/n searched for an explanation, “He’s been a bit…off…lately and we were just worried about him.”
“Ah, that makes sense,” he replied, “Coming home’s a big deal, especially in this case.”
Y/n furrowed her brows, “How do you figure?”
“Well, if you were playing against your hometown in your hometown,” Simon wiped his hands on his apron, “Might stir up some feelings.”
Said out in the open, it all sounded so obvious. Of course Jamie was struggling with playing Man City. Not only that, he hadn’t spoken to his dad in ages and it was almost guaranteed the bastard would show up to cheer against his own son.
Y/n sighed, she felt like an idiot.
“Speaking of home,” Simon broke her out of her head, “Your accent doesn’t suggest you’re from around here.”
“No,” Y/n returned to their conversation, “I, uh, moved here for school and never left.”
“Oh, fascinating. What made you stay?”
Y/n shrugged and placed the last of the pies on the cooling rack. “I was just settled and didn’t want to leave.”
“That must’ve been awful for your parents,” Simon said, “When Jamie moved to London, Georgie was devastated, and that’s only a half day’s drive. I can’t imagine a whole ocean’s worth of distance.”
If Y/n thought the night couldn’t get any more uncomfortable, the mention of her parents proved her wrong. Between the location, a vulnerable Jamie in the next room, and her family being brought up, she thought she might burst into tears.
“They’re okay with it,” she answered.
“Gosh,” Simon commented, stood at the island, “That can’t be true.”
“It is,” Y/n replied quickly and spun around, attempting a smile, “But I’ve got a lovely life here.”
“Of course,” he grinned, “Working for a football club’s got to be exciting. Jamie’s mentioned you plenty.”
Y/n wasn’t moving, but she could feel everything inside her stop. “Jamie’s…mentioned me?”
“Loads,” Simon nodded, “He calls round every once in a while. Obviously he keeps busy, but the name Y/n has come up nearly every conversation. I thought I might break into hives when Georgie told me about the Christmas dinner you two cooked.”
Simon began to recount all the memories shared between Jamie and Y/n that he and Georgie had become privy to. It wasn’t just the more notable moments like their chaotic Christmas or helping Y/n move to Richmond, but the little ones too. Sneaking into the stadium for lunch breaks in the seats. Post-match interviews Y/n oversaw and how Jamie would try and make her laugh with his answers. Y/n making Jamie decorate his house because the bareness of it drove her crazy. Jamie showing up on Y/n’s doorstep on her birthday right at midnight. Trying to learn how to cook together after the disastrous Christmas dinner and kind of, almost, sort of succeeding. Picking one another’s songs at team karaoke nights. Conversations in the hallways of Nelson Road. Movies and shows suggested to one another and the reactions that followed.
The whole of Jamie and Y/n’s relationship was played back for her in his parent’s kitchen.
She was speechless.
“I, uh,” she managed, her eyes beginning to glisten, “I didn’t know Jamie talked that much about his friends.”
“His friends?” Simon looked to Y/n before ducking his eyes away when he saw she was serious, “Oh, yes…his friends.”
The small slip was enough to confirm what Y/n already suspected.
“Um,” she said, her throat suddenly thick, “It’s getting late. Would you mimd telling Roy and Keeley I took a cab back to the hotel?”
“Of course,” Simon smiled, “Can I send you home with a pie?”
“Oh, no, that’s alright,” Y/n was already crossing the kitchen, “But thank you so much for the scones. Please tell Georgie thank you for letting us interrupt your night.”
Simon waved her off, “Nonsense. Get back safe.”
Y/n speed walked down the hall, not sparing so much as a glance in the living room’s direction. She threw the front door open and hurried down the way. With shaking hands, she pulled out her phone and ordered an Uber.
Her breath came in quick puffs, the anxiety creating quite a home in her chest. She was on the verge of having the worst anxiety attack of her life, all because she’d come to the conclusion that she was cared for. No, this wasn’t care. This was something else entirely.
Little did she know, the second he’d heard her brush through the hall, Jamie was on high alert. He’d looked up from his mom, jumping to a seated position as the door slammed shut.
“Was that Y/n?” He asked Simon as he passed by the living room.
“Yes, she said she had to get back to the hotel,” Simon answered, grabbing the plate of half eaten scones from the coffee table.
Jamie was up and off the couch in an instant, hurrying down the hall and out the front door. Y/n was stood on the sidewalk, her hand pressed to her chest as if she was on the verge of collapsing.
“Hey.”
Y/n’s head whipped around, Jamie was jogging down the steps to her. He kept a fair bit of distance between them at first, unsure of how she felt about his presence. All she could do was attempt another breath.
“Hey,” Jamie crossed the space, deciding to reach for Y/n’s arms, “What’s going on? What’s wrong?”
“Nothing,” she shook her head and avoided meeting Jamie’s concerned eyes.
“No, what’s wrong?” Jamie’s thumbs stroked over her sweater.
For all her fight, Y/n couldn’t bring herself to battle the warm grip Jamie had on her. She’d missed it.
“I’m fine, Jamie,” she lied once more, “I just want to go back to the hotel.”
Jamie scanned her face, finding the tears in her red eyes before she could hide them. Just as much as there was something wrong with him, there was something eating away at Y/n.
In the three weeks they’d stayed away from one another, Jamie had found life to be unbearable. The anxiety about playing Man City and the possibility of seeing his father once more had manifested in his playing. He’d struggled through training more and more, slowly becoming paralyzed by the lack of his usual fire. Without Y/n there to go and vent all his fears to, someone who understood without him ever having to explain a thing, it had all snowballed. Breaking down in the boot room and sobbing into Roy’s shoulder could have been avoided. His panic attack when Keeley had come to his room to check on him would have never happened.
But it wasn’t just that. Jamie found himself missing Y/n in the dullest of moments. Making dinner for himself, searching for something on television, driving home from work. Sleep was nearly impossible now that he’d gotten to fade out with her in his arms. The vacancy she’d left in his life was overwhelming. Jamie had never wanted to share such insignificant moments with someone in his life. He’d never felt as unsettled without someone.
This wasn’t some infatuation. He couldn’t live without her.
“Look,” Jamie tilted her head up, her eyes finally meeting his, “I know everything’s wrecked a-and we fucked it all up but…” his breath came out trembling, “But I love you.”
Y/n cries began to shake her chest.
“And I know this is the worst fucking time to say it,” Jamie bit back a laugh, but he felt ten tons lighter with the words finally spoken, “But I don’t regret what happened. If I could go back and do it a hundred times over, I would.”
A single cry escaped Y/n.
“And I need you,” Jamie spoke urgently, dragging a hand to Y/n’s cheek, brushing a thumb over the wet skin, “I need you with me ‘cause I don’t know what the fuck I’m doin’ without you. I don’t. You’ve fucking ruined me.”
Y/n was caught somewhere between a frown and a smile. Her worst fear and her greatest wish.
“Don’t leave, please,” Jamie pleaded, slipping his free hand around Y/n’s waist when she didn’t recoil at his touch. “I wanna be with you.”
Y/n’s sobs caused her whole body to shudder, which only made Jamie to pull her closer. She ended up enveloped in his arms, the only place she’d truly desired to be since the moment she’d left them.
Jamie pressed a kiss to Y/n’s forehead, trying to ease whatever pain and pour out his sentiments. The relief of holding her again was all-consuming and he reveled in it.
For a moment, they both realized what they could have. They could put the whole horrid separation behind them and let themselves be happy. They could come home to one another. They could hold nothing back from each other. They could build a life together and give each other all the love they’d ever been deprived of.
Where Jamie felt hope, cradling the girl he loved, Y/n felt panic, fearing the risk more than the loss.
“Jamie,” she whispered, “No.”
Jamie pulled back, fearfully gazing into her bloodshot eyes. “What do you mean?”
“No,” Y/n repeated, “We can’t.”
“Wh-“ he stammered, she was slipping away from him, “What are you talking about? We can.”
Y/n whined, “I can’t, Jamie. I can’t.”
“You can, you can,” Jamie insisted, holding Y/n’s cheek with purpose. He caught the headlights of the Uber coming down his street, “Why? Why can’t we have this?”
“Tell me,” Jamie softly begged, “Tell me why. Why can’t we have this?”
Finally, Y/n’s emotions burst, everything flooding out in a mess of terror.
“Because I don’t want this,” she exclaimed tearfully, “I don’t want this, Jamie. I don’t want y-“
She caught herself before she could finish it, but it was still too late. The damage had been done, and the wreckage spread across Jamie’s face. His lips parted in shock and his touch lost its urgency.
In her blind panic, Y/n hadn’t expected such a lie to come out of her mouth. But there was no taking it back, and the fear of all Jamie was ready to give was possessing her. This was the only way to keep herself safe.
Behind them, the Uber driver had pulled up to the house. “Oi, one of you Y/n?”
Y/n blinked up at Jamie, who was searching her eyes for the dishonesty in what she’d said. He found it so easily, but her determination to run was visibly clearer.
“Please let me go,” Y/n asked, her voice barely audible. She couldn’t even look him in the eyes as she spoke.
Jamie knew there was no more fight to give. He’d poured the contents of his heart out to her fruitlessly. He couldn’t force her to face the truth, that she might love him back, or that she even cared that he loved her. He was out of plays to make, all he could do was let her walk away.
He dropped his hands as slow as he could, savoring the last feel of her he’d get. Y/n trembled as his fingers left her face, committing his touch to her memory. This was the end before they even reached the beginning.
“In or out, love,” the driver interrupted.
Summoning the last of her strength, Y/n sought out Jamie’s eyes, glistening with tears now. She’d dealt the ultimate blow to an already wounded soldier. Slowly, she backed away from him, fighting every urge to run back into his arms and take it all back. If he took one step towards her, she knew she’d do it.
Jamie obeyed her wishes and didn’t move.
With one final gaze, Y/n turned away, climbing into the backseat of the Uber. He didn’t wait to drive, pulling the car away from as soon as she’d shut the door.
Y/n watched Jamie in the rear view mirror before it became too much. She dissolved to silent wracking sobs, caving in on herself. Not only had she walked away from the man she knew she surely loved, but she’d broken his heart doing so. The self-destruction was no longer only affecting her, she was destroying those around her.
Jamie wiped a shaking hand over his face as he watched the car carry Y/n away. He struggled to comprehend all that had just happened. He’d lost her.
Somehow, he carried himself back inside. He shuffled robotically back into the living room. His mum and Simon were seated on the couch, speaking in hushed tones.
Georgie looked expectantly to her son. Jamie had never needed to talk about him and Y/n in so many words. She knew exactly what he felt. “Everything alright?”
“Yeah,” Jamie stared ahead at the carpet.
“Did you talk to her?” Georgie asked, asking something far deeper.
Jamie nodded.
“Does she feel the same?”
There was the true answer, and there was the easy answer. Jamie chose the latter.
“No.”
——————
Heartfirst Taglist: @lalla-04p @optimisticsandwichgladiator @makingmunson94 @taytaylala12 @storysimp @sokkigarden @lightninginab0ttle @poohkie90 @alipap3 @verra-nerevarine @shineforever19 @spaceagechimera @burnafter-reading @qardasngan @cyberpvnk-enthusiast @sogoodtoheritsvicious @buckybarnex @angelsunflxwer @blueanfield @thewildestwonderland @sablecities @oxxolovemelikeyoudooxxo @strawberryacethingz @mentalistfan @tortilla-maria1 @katdahlali @for-fuck-sake-im-alive @glitterquadricorn @jamieolivia27 @imvibin69 @katlizada @lil-tracys @fanaticalfantasist @heyitz-julia @cactajuice @peachyy-tea @notalxx @rockchickrebel @anxiety-prime-max @loveforaugust @jellycolors @actuallybarb @heletsmelovehim @lovinnscarletknight @imfalling-inlove @leslieiscrying @meg-ro @littlemisssunshine192 @beboldbebravethings @maydayfigment @spencerreidsbookclub @dream-alittlebiggerdarling @lemoonandlestars @im-a-weirdo-for-life @mindless-rock (tags cont. in comments ❤️)
#ted lasso fanfic#ted lasso fanfiction#ted lasso fic#ted lasso imagine#jamie tartt x reader#jamie tartt imagine#keeley jones x reader#roy kent x reader#heartfirst
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Thinking about Zuko's influence on the audience's perception of Aang, specifically in Book 1. I kinda touched on it in this post but that post is pure unsorted rambling in which I didn't get to delve as deep as I wanted. Anyway, the relevent part was:
"With this whole episode, it's just the fact that Zuko is the reason we first get to see just how fucking cool Aang is. It's so easy to be like the others in the show and see Aang for his childish antics and sweet nature, but Zuko is the one that consistently reminds us, “No, this is the Avatar. He's powerful, he's brave, he's fiercely protective, and he deserves respect and acknowledgment for that.”"
Like, I mean, the point is redundant, everyone knows they are foils, so I'm not saying anything ground breaking when I say Zuko is often the one who brings out the best in Aang and encourages him to embrace being the avatar and that a lot of Aang's strongest charater moments are because of Zuko, yada yada, okay, we know, zukaang meta 101, nobody wants to hear it
But also, Zuko's opinion of Aang is so interestingly different from everyone else's. We get a view of Aang from the pov of himself, in which we see his doubts and struggles, the pov of the gaang, through which we see his antics and improvement and flaws. We also understand the opinion of the Fire Nation abt Aang (pure threat that's weirdly small), and we get plenty on the different opinions of the rest of the world.
If you took out Zuko's reactions to Aang, you'd feel like you know pretty much all there is to know about Aang. But to Zuko, Aang is an ever present mystery. The gaang doesn't really question anything abt Aang except what he can do and the rest of their enemies don't care to know things about Aang
But Zuko does. To Zuko, Aang is a source of constant questions, and this is sometimes played as a joke (i.e. "He must be a master of evasive maneuvering." to "You have no idea where we're going, do you?") and sometimes it hits the very core of Zuko's being and changes the course of the plot, (i.e. The Blue Spirit)
Zuko is unique because, to everyone else, Aang is one of two things. A Hero, or An Threat. He is neither to Zuko.
Zuko has no desire to defeat Aang. Aang is not a Threat to him. Hell, as Iroh says, Aang actively gives Zuko hope. But Aang is also not a Hero or ally.
He is neither a protagonist or an antagonist in Zuko's story. He's a goal. And that's such a unique perspective that allows us to question who Aang is from a neutral standpoint. Who is this person who effortlessly escapes trouble while having no idea what he's doing? Who is this person who saves someone they defeated? Who is this person who looks at an enemy and says 'you remind me of my best friend'?
Who else makes us ask these questions?
Through Zuko we, or at least I, see Aang as more than a person, and more than a hero, but as this unconventional conundrum that defies expectation at every turn, baffling and beautiful. Aang is so much more than your conventional hero and nobody sees or shows us that more than Zuko.
My favorite way to look at Aang is through Zuko's eyes.
#zukaang#atla#you know what other stories have a character whos 'a goal' to the protagonist#romances#im just saying#zukaang talks#talks#just came off a long shift#so Im not entirely sure this makes sense#but I cant sleep with zukaang thoughts#woodlaflababab
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Honestly, I can't imagine going and writing a piece of media that is basically Unreliable Narrator: The Series, and having a fandom that childishly insists that the narrators can't be unreliable.
How is Louis an unreliable narrator?
Daniel calls him out about blatantly lying multiple times and he does correct himself.
What Louis says sometimes doesn't match what we are shown on screen.
What he says doesn't match previous versions.
What he says is contested by other accounts.
He is extremely biased towards painting Claudia as innocent and justified as possible and he is called out on that, multiple times.
How is Claudia an unreliable narrator?
Her testimony is written and we don't have other people to corroborate what was solely in her POV.
She was extremely biased in her accounts and had a black and white thinking.
They are, by definition, unreliable narrators, but is not only that but making Louis and Claudia completely truthful basically strips Louis from a true character arc. Louis is literally covering his ears and singing LALALALALALA about Claudia and his own failings as a father and that is shown on screen multiple times.
The thing about Louis in the second part of IWTV is that he had to confront that he had misjudged Lestat and that his passivity had led to Claudia's death. Because if he had stopped Claudia from killing Lestat then he wouldn't have had to go to Armand and she wouldn't have been doomed by the coven. If we make Lestat's murder this Righteous and Justified Killing by the Poor Little Victims with No Agency™ then Louis has no character arc confronting his failings as a parent.
Now, I am going to pretend for a moment that this Lifetime Movie nonsense that the fandom preaches is something they would write. I want to ask: if everything was Lestat's fault, if the point of their stories was just to be 'free' of Lestat... Then why does Paris happen? Why does Paris happen as a chain of consequences of Louis' passiveness and Claudia's plans?
What exactly is the point of Paris if the story was meant to be just Louis and Claudia escaping from their Evil Abuser™? In which way does that plot makes Louis an interesting character? What's the point of Paris, of the trial, of Armand if that was the end goal? I'm trying to wrap my head on what is the plot that the 'Louis is not unreliable' crowd have in mind because I don't see any. I just see a badly written Cosmic Plaything character who tragedy only happens to him because Evil Lestat Did a Thing and He Couldn't Stop It™.
Louis's character arc is also going on in the present day. If the culmination of it is just realising that Lestat was Evil and Claudia was Innocent then why having the second interview at all? He already did that in San Francisco. If that's the supposed story the show wants to tell then they might as well started the show from Lestat's POV because at least he is more active and if Louis is so reliable then why would Lestat tell his own story to correct him?
Making Louis reliable strips him from a character arc in both timelines. Making him a passive character whose only goal in two seasons is to tell the story about how he and his innocent daughter escaped their abusive husband/father makes him not only the complete opposite of what his book counterpart was but also a flat and boring character that goes against the themes and narrative that the show is proposing.
#louis de pointe du lac#claudia de lioncourt#lestat de lioncourt#interview with the vampire#I open twitter five minutes and I just lose twenty braincells from the childish takes#they truly don't realise how much the story would completely if the writers were to do the nonsense they want as a 'plot'#less thinking about relantability and more thinking about structure people
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status update (?)
it's 2024, my real life is a bit of a mess (pending job change & cross country move), and i need a plan. i keep getting this urge to streamline, instead of bouncing around between fics like a goldfish with no attention span, so i'm going to lean into that and hope to god we get some results.
this is in terms of actively writing and posting. guaranteed i will still be daydreaming and plotting for all fics, but i still want to share some expectations with you all so we are on the same page and so i can hold my self accountable to my own imaginary deadlines.
at this point in time, i am going to post and complete SPRING FEVER first. it is the easiest and quickest to finish (pun intended) by far. and the only reason i haven't done it, is because i'm convinced the majority of you want other updates first. but i need to get it out of my head and off my plate.
after spring fever is completed... give me a few weeks? then THE PATH FROM YOU takes the drivers' seat. we are so close to the climax and conclusion, that it *should* go pretty quick and fast-paced from here. I don't have a timeline for completion but my goal is to post one chapter a month once we get to that point.
here is where i'm going to disappoint some of you. ALREADY GONE is going on hiatus. at least until the path from you is finished. this fic started as a side project, a distraction (read: shitpost), and now I have to rethink some things and potentially even dedicate myself to some mild rewrites. there is just a lot I want to do with it now, that i didn't in the beginning, and i want to be able to dedicate my full headspace to it. because the emotions and conclusion could be so good, but only if i give it time.
for hannah 2.0 and val: MEMORIES FEEL LIKE WEAPONS will get it's day in the sun. i've been taking notes on it for over a year, and i definitely need to work through it and finish it before i even attempt a tpfy sequel. there is so much i want to showcase in this fic outside of ginny's journey, but like with already gone, i need the time and headspace to do it. i will also, almost definitely, rewrite and repost chapter 2 at some point. i have more groundwork i need to lay with a certain slytherin. but that's a discussion for another day.
if this is in anyway a let down for you, i'm sorry. but this is the only way i can stay sane during a total life upheaval. thanks for sticking around if you've read this far and still like me. as always, i will post an changes or updates as soon as i figure them out.
love you all,
hannah <3
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Since I'm in something of a bitchy mood today, I'm gonna elaborate on my personal least favorite fat character archetype, which i like to call The Pillow.
The Pillow is a suporting character who mainly exists to lend emotional support to the main cast. They are generally nice in an uncomplicated, dumb kind of way. They have little interiority or agency. If they affect the plot, it will be by being an idiot or a damsel in distress or both. The Pillow may be the subject of fat jokes from the protagonists, or insults from the antagonists. In the latter case, this will serve to paint said antagonists as assholes, and may have a temporary effect on The Pillow's self esteem. In the former case, there will be no negative effect, and the Pillow may laugh along. Examples of this character type are Molly Weasley and Hagrid from the wizard boy books, Hunk from Combining Robots, the gynecomastia guy from Fight Club, and honestly most other sympathetic fatties in fiction.
The Pillow is a popular feature of body-positive queer romance. It is present in mainstream media, such as Our Flag Means Death and Good Omens, as well as indie projects like Long Exposure and This Is Not Fiction*. Here, the Pillow is ostensibly a main character, but still lacks in narrative agency. The actual plot is largely about the thin protagonist gaining over the object of their affection. Further, said affection needs to be explained as a result of the thin character's backstory. Generally, this involves a childhood friend scenario where the skinny character is an outcast, and the fat character is the only one to reach out to them. This is followed by separation and pining on the thin character's part. In that way, the fat character is rewarded for having been nice by being pursued and rescued by someone considered out of their league. The Pillow's emotional journey, if it exists, is typically about building self-esteem through their connection to their partner.
*not every point is present in every one of these works, this is a general trend type of thing. also i endorse no hate to the indie comics mentioned
Ways to subvert The Pillow:
-give the character some interiority. Goals beyond "be nice to my friends", struggles other than low self-esteem.
-have them actively contribute to the plot. have them save the day in a way that matters.
-let them be a bit of a bitch. something of a freak maybe. they don't have to make up for the sin of being fat by being as innofensive as possible- make them interesting!
-consider fatlhobia a bit more deeply if you're gonna include it. you don't have to put in a fat liberation essay but have a think about what your story is saying about it.
-let them be hot.
An example of this is Janek from the webcomic Finding Home. While the story hits on some of the points on that list (his thin love interest is more centered in the narrative, and he is saved by him in the story's climax) and the character hits on a couple other Standard Issue Fat tropes, he actually feels like a rounded character. He has goals of his own, relevant skills, the capacity to be a bitch when pushed, and an active sex life. This dude canonically fucks. And that's why I own all four volumes in print.
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Conflict Narrative
Conflict narrative is the type of plot a story follows. Describing and writing for a type of conflict narrative is the driving force for the plot. Any show, movie, book, play - everything follows a type of conflict narrative or several conflict narratives.
This post will be explaining the several categories and then how to write for them.
Internal vs. External Conflicts
Internal : this is a conflict that happens within a character. It relates deeply to statc vs. dynamic characters, referring to my former post. It often leads to character development or the lack thereof, because the character(s) are actively fighting their own desires and beliefs.
External : this is set against the character(s). It’s a physical manifestation often, and the external forces stand in the way of a character(s)’s goals and dreams, creating tension and opposition.
Often, these come together and a story SHOULD include both to create an interesting and realitistic narrative. After all, real life always includes both internal and external conflicts.
Six types of Literary Conflicts
*side note : man refers to the human race (or whatever species the protagonist happens to be) and not the gender.
Man vs. Self : It’s self-explanatory. This is an internal conflict where Man may be trying to decide what is morally correct in a situation or how to improve their mental health. (ex. Les Miserables or The Handmaid’s Tale.)
Man vs. Man : It’s a direct competition between two characters. One Man’s wants is conflicting with another Man. This conflict can take the form as something small, such as a fist fight, or can encompass the entire plot as a fight for power. (ex. The Secret Garden or The Hunger Games.)
Man vs. Nature : It’s also self-explanatory. It can be a survival situation where Man is striving to survive a tsunami, or it can be a Planet of the Apes situation. (ex. Moby Dick or Into the Wild.)
Man vs. Supernatural : Man is fighting against something that is not manifested into out reality. This is usually used in horror and fantasy and science fiction. Man could be fighting ghosts to a big, murderous lizard. (ex. Scooby-Doo or It.)
Man vs. Technology : In another form, it can be worded as tradition vs. progress, depending on the defition of ‘progress’ in the novel in question. It can be something science fiction-y such as fighting robots to a tell-tale about the importance of tradition. (ex. Farenheit 451 or A Wrinkle In Time.)
Man vs. Society : This is where Man is going against a large, driving force that controls society. An example is the government, social norms, or traditions. They either are attempting to survive or fight against the external conflict. (ex. Lord of the Flies or 1984.)
How do you write and create conflicts?
It is good to note what type of genre it is and what the general plot will be. Usually, just from the gist, it is obvious what at least one conflict is. However, most books include at least two or three. when trying to conjure up the conflict, ask these questions :
What is the protagonist(s)’s main desire?
What is their unconcious desire?
What is the worst thing that can happen to this character?
What characters, institutions, or forces can bring this antagonism into relaity (if it isn’t already)?
What is/are the character(s) like and how do they create friction in the conflict?
These genral questions will reveal a lot when it comes to the nature of the plot. you can read any book, watch any movie or show, play any video game, and ALL of them will exhibit at least two of the conflicts above and flesh it out (at least, if it’s a good form of entertainment).
#original writing#creative writing#writing advice#writerblr#writblr#writer things#vocabulary#vocab#conflict#conflict types#entertainment#books and novels#novel#original character#original novel#bookblr#book
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Jin is Not a Flat Character
I debated (with myself) whether or not to get into this discussion that’s been flaring up a lot lately (especially on X), and then just realized I had to get it out of my head. So, here we are…
I won’t be addressing the whole pre-release trailer thing because I’ve seen enough of them and then their series to know that A LOT can change from that initial trailer to the finished product. I always take pre-release trailers with a whole jar of salt. So, I just feel like it would be a waste of time and space to get into that.
Instead, I will look at Jin from the perspective of someone who used to be a fantasy author (before I realized my calling was visual art). So, let me start by establishing some aspects of character creation.
Let’s start with the pair flat vs round characters since “flat” is the aspect I’ve seen many define Jin as:
Flat characters: They often typify one major character trait (e.g., good, evil, funny, smart, etc.) and have no depth.
Round characters (or multi-dimensional characters): They have several traits that are evident, have multiple layers, and are most like real people when it comes to complex personalities. They also have more complex and developed backstories than flat characters (but this doesn’t mean a fully detailed backstory since that can become redundant, it’s more about highlighting the important parts).
Then there’s another pair of opposing aspects that are important, static vs dynamic characters:
Static characters: They don’t experience any major emotional or mental changes throughout the story. You could say that they feel like the same character at the end of a story as they do at the beginning.
Dynamic characters: They experience emotional and/or mental changes throughout the story, which leads them to become different persons/characters. There’s an evident change in who they are at the end of the story compared to who they were at the beginning. This change is often positive (but doesn’t have to be).
A character can be flat and static, round and static, or round and dynamic (I don’t think I’ve ever come across a character that’s flat and dynamic because, logically, those would cancel each other out).
Another pair of aspects I would like to mention is passive vs active characters:
Passive characters: They don’t do much to further the plot. They don’t have any goals and motivations (at least none that matter to the story).
Active characters: Their actions are what keep the plot rolling. They have goals and motivations that drive their actions (and those usually matter to the story).
Flat and static and round and static characters are usually passive characters because they have no or very few goals and motivations, whereas round and dynamic characters can have many complex ones and are, most often, active characters.
To summarize Jin quickly before I present the actual “evidence” of what we’ve seen so far in DFF, I would say that Jin is a round and dynamic character who is monthly active (but has also shown to be passive, depending on the circumstances). This is far from being flat.
But let’s get into the good stuff, the “evidence”:
What We Know and Have Seen of Jin
These bullet points are based on what we’ve seen from episodes 1-11):
Jin is a character with romantic/idealistic views, which could be linked to his artistic soul (since he’s into photography). I feel like some of his actions can be explained by him having an artistic soul.
He lives in a big house that feels remote. Every time we’ve seen him there (so far), he’s been alone (no family members around). I would presume this is common in Jin’s life as he could bring Phee over and have sex against a window for everyone outside to see without Jin being bothered about it.
He stands up to the others (arguably half-heartedly) when they bully Non.
We’ve also seen his reactions several times whenever Non was mentioned after his disappearance. Jin seems far from as unbothered and casual about it as the others who just want to brush it off.
When he develops feelings, they go deep (seen with both Non and Phee).
Reciprocation is important to him as well since he chose not to do anything with Non (even though he liked him) because he knew Non had a boyfriend. It shows up with Phee as well. Jin is the one who suggests Phee stay the night, but he does so after Phee brings him to the lake and shares the significance of that place with Jin (suggesting that Phee made the first move).
He prefers clear communication when there are feelings involved (as shown when he asks Phee what they are to each other).
He clearly connects feelings with sex considering how quickly he got attached to Phee and wanted to know their relationship status.
There’s, at the very least, a sliver of jealousy in him considering how he reacted when he saw Non kiss another boy’s cheek (Phee’s).
He’s emotional and ends up making rash decisions and mistakes in the heat of the moment (e.g., the video).
When in a heated situation, he’s usually the one making an effort to calm it down (like when Non threatened Tee/the group and several times during the whole situation when the gun switched ownership between Fluke, Tee, and Phee).
He doesn’t mind jumping in to defend people, even when they’re being threatened at gunpoint.
These are just a few points off the top of my head. But it shows that we still know a lot about him even though his backstory isn’t as explicitly shown as, for example, Non’s, Phee’s, or Tan/New’s.
Now, let’s look at Jin from the aspects of character creation I wrote about above.
Flat vs Round, Static vs Dynamic, and Passive vs Active
First and foremost, Jin displays several traits and characteristics. He’s friendly, naive, emotional, desperate to be close to someone (possibly because he feels neglected), selfish at times, selfless at other times, impulsive, helpful, courageous at times, etc. This is not the mark of a flat character.
He also experiences emotional and mental changes throughout the episodes we’ve seen so far. If we look at the timeline of the series chronologically (starting with 3 years in the past), Jin seems open and friendly, his romantic/idealistic views are intact (which are shown when he, for example, stands up for Non against the bullies), and he clearly has good feelings for Non.
At the present point in the series (when they’re back at the house in the woods), he’s a lot more closed off (due to what happened to Non and his own part in that as well as the way Phee treated him in the past), his idealistic views are not as intact (he’s gotten used to liars, even told a fair few himself, to the point that he’s not very surprised when Phee confesses about who he and Tan really are), and rather than having good feelings for Non, he’s weighed down by the guilt of his part in Non’s downfall.
Even though these are some examples that illustrate his turn for the worse (or is it?), it’s still a mark of a dynamic character rather than a static one. If he’d still been the naive, idealistic, happy person after all the shit that’s gone down the past 3 years of his life, I would’ve been scared for him (or of him, because that’s just semi-sociopathic behavior). Luckily, Jin has grown to realize that the world isn’t always as great as he might’ve thought and how destructive his own rash decisions can be.
We’ve also been shown time and time again that Jin’s role in the story is important (and bigger than some upset viewers would lead you to believe):
Jin was the one who convinced Non to write the screenplay for the movie.
He defended Non (arguably half-heartedly).
He convinced Non to finish the movie (arguably manipulated him out of selfish desires).
He filmed the video of Non and Keng.
He lied about Non’s disappearance to the police (but, I mean, who would want to cooperate with those corrupt fuckers?).
And he is the one who’s trying to calm down the messy and heated situation at the house (together with what we’ve seen recently of Phee).
This is not a small role. It’s not an insignificant role. He’s the one who took away Non’s parachute in the middle of his tragic downfall, escalating the whole thing. That’s no passive character waiting for things to happen.
And, on the subject of his actions, we can also see his motivations behind them (without having a fully-blown background story).
For one, his romantic/idealistic views are what led him to get angry (alternatively felt betrayed) when he saw Non with Keng and decided to film the video (yes, it was a decision of his, and it turned out to be one of his biggest mistakes). He makes an active decision and he has a motivation for it.
He later finds out how the spread of that video (which he filmed) affected Non (when he threatened them at the house). Jin has felt guilty ever since (which makes him a better person than some of the others). The fact that he actually shows remorse when he talks to Phee about this shows that he has grown and hopefully learned not to make rash decisions based on his emotions (his reaction to Phee’s rejection, for example, is to stonewall Phee rather than hurt him, which is a step forward). A flat and static character wouldn’t grow this much.
As I mentioned above, I feel like some of his actions can be explained by him having an artistic soul. One of them is that he can see the beauty in the mundane (even in the things that others see as ugly). We can take Non as an example.
All the others call him greasy. They think he’s disgusting. Jin, though, is fascinated by him. In one scene, we see him look at Non through Por’s new camera (with heart-eyes, I might add). In another scene, he stares at Non as if spellbound. This could further explain his attachment to Non and his desire to keep Non close.
Another action that can be explained by Jin having an artistic soul is that he knew exactly which buttons to push with Non when he convinced him to stay and finish the film.
Artists of all kinds know what it’s like to be attached to their work (I’m speaking from personal experience). Jin pointing this out to Non (knowing that Non has an artistic soul just like Jin) could’ve been unintentional since he might’ve spoken from his own experience, but it could’ve also been an ace in his sleeve to keep Non close (for selfish reasons).
These are only a few examples of all the facets of Jin’s character, yet, I feel like it’s quite clear that Jin is far from flat. He’s a round, dynamic, and (mostly) active character who plays a big role in the series.
Jin is just as much a main character as Non or Phee (to mention a few) because he’s always had a very central part of the story.
Conclusion
Is Jin a flat character? Absolutely not.
Could he have been developed more (at least up until the 11th episode that we’ve seen)? Yes. Just like White and Top.
(I saw somewhere that someone commented that Sammon had said that her regret was not having developed Jin more, but this is just hearsay, so take it with a pinch of salt.)
But do we need Jin to be more developed? Not really.
We don’t need a full-length backstory for every character to understand them. I believe that characters should be able to stand by their actions without needing a backstory to explain them. And that’s exactly the case with Jin.
He doesn’t need a sob story to make him feel human, like, for example, Por (even though I really, really, really don’t want to admit that Por has, a teeny, tiny, itty, bitty, microscopical sliver of humanity in him). Jin doesn’t need a fully developed backstory like Tee because he wasn’t the kind of asshole Tee was (even though Jin’s mistake was big too). Jin’s actions and motivations are shown through the character itself rather than told through the backstory.
Just because your expectations of a character weren’t met doesn’t mean they’re flat or badly written. Just because you want Jin to have a bigger role doesn’t mean he has a small one. Just because you want to see more of Jin’s backstory doesn’t mean he’s underdeveloped if you don’t get more. Just because you aren’t explicitly told/shown Jin’s backstory and reasons for doing what he does doesn’t mean it’s not there. Sometimes you just have to read between the lines.
Because it is there.
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The single-minded pursuit of something is what makes good stories and good characters. I’m so tired of reading published novels where the main character passively sits around until the story finds them and forces them to move.
My theory is that since writing itself requires long hours of contemplation and sitting alone with one’s thoughts, it lends to a personality type who sees themselves as acted-upon rather than as the main actor in their own story. This infuses the writer’s characters as well who, after all, are all produced from facets of ourselves and/or our observations.
But the difference between a character that people are excited by, attracted to, and want to read about and one that frustrates and bores us is how single-mindedly and actively they pursue their goal. Certain genres provide crutches for writers because the single-mindedness is built in. A horror story about escaping from a masked serial killer on a rampage forced the protagonists to be single-mindedly and forcefully focused on their own survival either by evasion or confrontation. Detective stories focus the protagonist on solving the crime. Romances that are focused on finding love move the protagonist forward based on their desire for companionship in general or for a particular person’s love, and forces the character to move and take action.
Yet stories with longer arching goals like your typical save the world adventure benefit from forceful characters despite how often the protagonist must be forced into participating. “Resisting the call to adventure” as a story beat isn’t supposed to be the character passively waffling around until they feel like helping, I guess, or someone finally impresses upon them the importance of saving the world. While they’re resisting the call they should be actively wanting something else. Even a character who is completely chained up, locked in a prison cell and incapable of action should want to escape and take even the smallest actions possible to make their escape or at least actively think about it and desire it. A character incapable of taking action due to circumstance is not an excuse for passive characters who don’t want anything.
And even if it is realistic to real life (or so the author protests, not realizing that they do want things, even if it’s simply freedom from the guilt of not having written yet today) it’s not good storytelling. Characters are the engines that drive the story through the racetrack of the plot. They’re not real people. They are a function and that function must want to do something and move forward or else they commit the greatest sin in fiction: being boring.
Move yourself as a writer. Don’t let the character waffle about because you are waffling about trying to figure out what to write. Imagine a world where your character wants something and moves and pursues it and if they can’t move or pursue it they are mad about that or have some powerful emotion about it that pushes them to seek ways to get around the obstacle that keeps them from pursuing what they want. Make them move and make them care and make them single-mindedly obsessed with something that will drive them forward to take action of some kind in your story, even if at first it is to actively run away from it.
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I occasionally see takes about how Yuji isn’t interesting as a protagonist because of his lack of power compared to others, and honestly, in my opinion, that’s just… a really shallow reading of his character?
I’m gonna do my best keep this very vague and manga spoiler free for my best friend who hasn’t read the manga but likes Yuji!
Before I go on though, if you do disagree and don’t like or find Yuji interesting as a protagonist or character, please just scroll by. I’m only throwing my own personal thoughts out there. Thank you!
Yuji’s entire character is centred around the concept of death, which in itself is a change from typical shonen, at least the ones I’ve gotten into prior. His goal isn’t exactly to become the strongest and save everyone, as much as it is to become stronger than he is and save people from cruel deaths. He accepts death as a natural process of life, but what he hates are unjust and agonising deaths, or people who die before they even get the chance to live.
He’s a character who actively goes against his moral compass in times where he’s challenged. The main example of this is how he feels towards Mahito, where he could use the word exorcise, he uses the word kill, going against what he originally told Junpei.
“The next words that spilled from my lips came so deep within my guy that it nearly made all the things I’ve ever said feel like a lie. I will kill you!” Still gives me genuine chills from a character who feared the idea of killing becoming a option in his life.
He blames himself for everything that happens, and the worst part is, you can’t deny that. By eating Sukuna’s finger, he subsequently kickstarted everything. His guilt comes from something entirely true. So, even when he’s guilty for something he technically didn’t do, you can’t pull him out of that mindset, because to him, it’s just another byproduct of his biggest mistake.
Yuji’s development also tends to happen gradually and subtly, little shifts in his behaviours and mindsets that you may not pick up on if you aren’t paying enough attention to him. Then, he gets bigger moment for himself. Or he’s just traumatised some more. Usually both! Save him please!
And, you know, even when he’s sidelined per say, it’s clear, at least to me, Gege is cooking something up with him, and we see this happen a few times to my memory. JJK is a story that is told through multiple perspectives, even when it isn’t Yuji, that doesn’t suddenly make him less important. In the end, he’s still heavily linked with the current plot in ways that I imagine will have to be addressed if the story is to conclude properly.
What also makes Yuji interesting to me is the dehumanisation of his character and the question of humanity surrounding him. Humanity of course is a prevalent theme in JJK, and Yuji I think is a perfect example of it. Interestingly enough, he was seen as inhuman long before he joined Jujutsu High School, thanks to his impossible physical strength and speed, and then, when he joins Jujutsu High School, the dehumanisation continues. He doesn’t fit into either world. He’s somewhere between cursed object and human being and even he begins to lean more towards cursed object. The lines blur to him. This impacts his view on himself and what his life is even worth.
Another theme in JJK that Yuji reflects is that concept of saving people. We see it in characters like Gojo too. In Yuji’s case, by saving someone, he doomed everyone, and arguably he hasn’t been able to save anyone properly since. His grandad’s last words haunt him, and he’s interpreted them in a way that probably wasn’t intended. He tries to save others at the expense of himself, a vessel in two ways: for Sukuna (literal), and for others (metaphorical).
He’s just another cog in the machine, and while maybe a powerful, always-in-focus protagonist is more interesting to some, to me, I think Yuji is fine as he is, gaining power steadily and often being more subtle in his growth.
I could say so much more, and I will do in a more manga spoilery analysis. Eventually. Maybe. If I form words again.
Anyways. Look at him. Appreciate him. The biggest freak (affectionate) around. He probably has ADHD.
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Okay, recently I found out the information from Disney Wiki that AUTO from WALL-E is the only non-sentient robot in the movie. And I don't feel like that. :(
I am aware that he is meant to be an antagonist, the "villain" of the story as he follows his directives like there's no tomorrow. But, I didn't think this trait should define ALL of his personality. Like, he clearly had emotions and showed them in a restrained way. Or at least I thought he did?
I decided to rewatch it.
Warning: spoilers, potential grammar, punctuation mistakes. Excuse me, english is hard!
***
Why do I think AUTO is a sentient robot? My observations.
• Every bot on this ship is capable of emotions, when why an intelligent steering wheel isn't?
• Well, why, he actually has them! You can tell it by his body language and a tone of deep synthesized voice.
He expresses:
1. Frustration, annoyance.
- "CAPTNNNNN D:" – AUTO said calmly.
2. Surprise.
- He is genuinely shocked to see WALL•E with 'the p l a n t' on his head. I actually laughed at his reaction.
- "n ot pos sible! 0:" every now and when.
3. He is persistent and blutantly stubborn. Strict on himself. Some people can be like that without any directives.
- Captain McCrea needed to give AUTO 'a stern look' for him to share the information about directive. AUTO reluctantly obliged. (At least he tried to reason with Captain.)
- "sir, i INSIST you give me the plant."
(Dutch Van der Linde voice here: "he INSISTS...")
- (And the whole plot obviously.)
4. Anger, fear.
McCrea: – You want it? Come and get it, blinky.
Auto: – N O.
- "E N ouGh" 😡 *flips the ship around impulsively*
- "NOT POSSIBLE D:" but with more panicking tone.
- "NoOOo..." when he gets deactivated.
• The whole sequence with manual is... interesting.
- At this point of the story AUTO ordered GO-4 to steal the plant from EVE to make her look defective in Captain's eyes.
- I felt how much AUTO and McCrea are tired of each other's presence. AUTO is patiently anticipating McCrea's attention, he is eager to do his job.
(- Captain tries to imitate jogging in his seat and AUTO for some reason looks at him with puzzled and uncertain look. )
- AUTO keeps pretending like he doesn't know anything...
• Which is actually not a common thing for robots. "Lying is a human emotion." (c) HAL 9000
And yes, hiding the truth is considered to be lying too.
It's not like he was instructed to lie by his superiors, they didn't care. But rather it's the tactic that he learnt while being active for 700 years. I bet he understands it would be much easier to secretly yeet the plant into space without bothering captain with a decision. I suppose it required some thinking in his mechanical brain.
When why does he show the captain an operation manual? Good question. My personal headcanon: he loves doing his job so much, it doesn't matter for him if it can increase risks towards his global goal. That is why I can tell it wasn't a programmed, logical decision of the machine. If non-sentient perfect AUTO knew about A-113, he wouldn't let captain see the possibility at all. He hasn't considered that his domestic human pet might get interested in whole "Earth" thing. And he hasn't considered sentient WALL•E and EVE as serious obstacles. He did a crucial mistake to satisfy his ego... Or... Or maybe not? It's a headcanon, after all. Maybe it was a part of protocol. Or maybe he tried to entertain McCrea. AUTO seems to care about him in some way as he didn't push him out off the power until the last moment. (uwu) Choose whatever you like more. It's a thought-provoking subject.
• That aside, have you noticed that there is not a single character in the movie who would not be terrified of having to leave the comfort zone? It's only AUTO, who is opposing this idea for the sake of survival. Recolonizing nearly-dead Earth is not an easy work, someone can get really hurt and, well, die. And knowing that AUTO is based on famous computer HAL 9000, who is, in fact, killed people because of his panic attack (he didn't want to be deactivated/murdered), this situation kinda gets a new meaning? It's an interesting perspective to look at AUTO's character, too.
AUTO, like HAL, at the start of story was okay and non-hostile towards others. Eventually, as the story progresses, AUTO becomes more and more impatient, eager to complete his primary task, thus taking violent measures. In AUTO's eye WALL•E & EVE are rogue robots anyway, defected and dispatchable. But attacking the captain? AUTO's final step to AI "madness" was fighting the man he is designed to serve. And though I believe he wouldn't kill him, we can imagine AUTO was panicking at this moment. So, no programmed logic there either, pure emotion of fear and reckless behaviour, almost like HAL. And HAL is 100% sentient and conscious entity.
***
Well...
Maybe it's just me and my anthropomorphizing tendencies on non-living fictional objects. I can be self-projecting too much, so if you disagree, let's say it's my headcanons and leave that at that. After all, AUTO is a direct representation of BnL – heartless company, that destroyed life on Earth and continued destroying it in space. They made humans, their customers, helpless like babies! And I am afraid it could only be worse in the future, if it wasn't for WALL•E and EVE.
It's quite a tragedy that AUTO can't escape from this never-ending system of least resistance and comfort.
He is the system. He is made to be an autopilot of Axiom, he IS the Axiom, programmed to do his job fully dedicated to the mission of saving mankind. And if he was really fully-sentient... well, it would've made his life even more miserable. What's the use of the steering wheel on Earth surface? It's not like they are gonna fly into space again. Captain's dead and woah, hello eternal loneliness, next generation forgets about your existence or decides to ignore it like a bad memory about containment. Even AUTO's closest henchman GO-4 is forever destroyed... *sigh*
I am overthinking too much, aren't I? Gosh, this wheel NEEDS a redemption arc. And friends. My heart bleeds for him, really.
#AUTO is a sentient being#with poor life choices#nevertheless#give him a chance to be nice#I made it angsty in the end#analysis?#text#wall e#wall e auto#my thoughts#ai
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I am so here for the Sam Indictments. Like no I love Sam the character of SPN fandom's creation but that's not the Sam we get on the actual show. That guy's just a plot device with a first and last name. Cardboard cutout man. Least character of all time. I once saw someone on here call him "a shock collar that makes Dean do things" and honestly??? Yeah.
i kind of took this as an opportunity to ramble so thank you and also sorry! I really appreciate you sending this ask and having this conversation!
i do want to say that my goal here isn't sam indictments, just noting and sometimes examining the things he actually does and says and believes. and sometimes those result in criticism, and i think that's okay. i've said before that i don't enjoy the all-criticism-all-the-time kind of discussion that we get sometimes, but i think there can be value in occasionally saying "hey, this is a fucked up thing, let's honestly talk about it." sometimes sam does some really fucked up things and it feels like nobody talks about them - and i wonder if people avoid those conversations in order to protect fanon sam/avoid looking at canon sam.
i came back to spn after a while away, and fanon reoriented me to the show. so when i started to rewatch i started looking for the sam everyone was talking about, only to find that that sam does not exist in the show. which, hey, that's fine, we all fanonize to some extent! but sometimes I find myself frustrated with how drastically removed fanon is from canon, especially when fanon directly contradicts canon and it's unclear if people forgot the canon or are intentionally ignoring it.
my preference when examining characters is to look at their actions, behaviors, personality in canon, and try to imagine/understand how that core character would function in different scenarios. and for me, i still have a hard time understanding who "core sam" is. i think core sam is really clearly defined in seasons 1-4, but in a way that still allows for a lot of neutral mask-ism, a lot of blank space to project onto. but the amount of blank space just seems to increase over time, while the core definition seems to get smaller and fuzzier. it becomes incredibly difficult to pick out the throughlines for sam, and the things that make him tick. and it's completely reasonable and fine if people find that compelling, but it is not especially compelling for me personally.
as for the shock collar - holy shit. yeah. i mean. yeah. wow. i have this theory that the show gives dean more and more "plot power" beginning when sam is soulless - and by plot power i mean the ability to make decisions or take actions that advance the plot. someone always has to have plot power, but it shifts further and further out of balance over time until dean is the only one responsible for it. this is frustrating to watch because he doesn't want it at all, and because when you're the only one doing plot you're necessarily going to fuck up more because the story forces you to. so dean takes the brunt of the criticism solely because he's the only one making active choices (even when the choice is inaction). and it doesn't seem to matter whether it's someone guiding his hand or a shock collar forcing him to do it, the blame still lands on him.
I don't know how to summarize but tl;dr sometimes fanon sam is bad especially because there's often no evidence (or even counter-evidence) for the fanon. and sometimes canon sam does fucked up shit AND sometimes canon sam is no one at all. and i think we can acknowledge that without it being "samcrit"!
#sorry for rambling!!!!!!#it's 1 am and i'm not at my smartest#i gotta go to sleep but i'm interested in hearing more of your thoughts!#i often agree with what you put in the ask in case that's not clear!#I'm just desperately afraid of Being Mean and i get so frustrated reading dean criticism all the time so i'm trying not to be mean/critical#(not that you're doing that at all! i'm just trying to be really careful because I have Issues)#but in general. I do find sam to be more of a plot device than a plot driver.#more of an idea than a person#spn
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Hey Rafa!!! Will God still be a character that we hear speak throughout a&m? Your depiction of Him is both terrifying and Almighty— and its so refreshing to see the way you approach His Omniscience. Especially because I often felt (growing up) both a fear and awe at the way God is written in The Scriptures. I really enjoy that you write him the way that you do.
I wonder how strained His relationship is to the angels in Heaven after Lucifer’s debacle. I’m particularly interested in how Michael handles his faith, and how this is reflected in his servitude towards God. Poor fellow </3.
Also— one more thing I wanted to add while I’m here. One of my favorite books is George Orwell’s 1984, because of the intense themes of personal identity, free will, and self expression in the face of totalitarianism. Reading your book was so cathartic in the way that it had a lot of overlap in these themes but on a religious level…. And as a queer narrative. Let me just tell you I was SHOOK. How you disguised a hauntingly bleak Orwellian plot with so much beautiful prose is honestly beyond me. I highly doubt I will ever write anything as incredible as what I’ve read from abm. I’m honestly so surprised you don’t have like. A million followers!!!
Hello! Of course! I love writing God, like genuinely I do. I feel really similarly that the God of the Bible really horrified me, but in some kind of awe-inspiring way – especially because, to me, a lot of the horror comes from God's omnipotent nature; he can do whatever he likes, and there is nothing you can do. I'm really glad some of that comes through in ABM itself!
There are less scenes with God being actively there in A&M given that most of the story takes place on Earth, but he's still very present. He's the one giving out orders, though Samyaza and Azazel might not understand what he's really up to. Coming up for a motivation for God for this book was incredibly fun.
I think one of the big "issues" with writing God is that since he knows everything, you have to give him a reason to allow for everything. (I do play around a little with the question of whether he really does know everything, whether he really is all-powerful, but I think regardless of the answer, he still knows much more than you/angels and has so much more power that he may as well be all-knowing and all-powerful). So, God is going to allow the Watcher thing to happen. But why? What is his end goal? Maybe, who is his end goal?
I love Michael in this book. His faith is strained but it's the only thing he has. It's like he's holding onto old ropes over a pit of fire. In simple words, the Michael of ABM is dead – the sweetheart, doting Michael. You might find him unrecognizable, at least initially. I don't want to say much, but he's gone through quite a bit — the immediate aftermath of ABM's ending and what God does with him afterward. He's changed really radically from who he was, but so has Lucifer, of course.
It's fun that you bring up 1984 and totalitarianism, since I get to touch on what becomes of angel society after the fall. This isn't a spoiler because it'll be on the back of A&M, but Heaven becomes oppressive and intolerant. In the aftermath of sin, the angels have to reckon with the now eternal threat of evil in society. How will they deal with this fear? Who will they blame?
I always think ABM Heaven is more of a Brave New World of dystopia fiction; they both even have an orgy at the end (both books involve sex/sexuality as a means of control for the authoritarian power, though so does 1984). The ABM angels love their servitude. When they revolt, it's not out of this feeling that they're all secretly being heavily oppressed. I mean, they have everything. They live in paradise. When Lucifer shouts about how they don't need God and how God is denying them certain love, they go ballistic. It's almost a spoiled rebellion – at least on the surface it is, but as the reader knows, there is something deeply sinister about God, his behavior, and what he's already done. And angels needed a release for grievances, their long, meaningless existence, etc
I think A&M gives me a little more room to work with a more 1984 type of angel society, but themes of hyper-centralized power and limits of self-expression are already there. I actually love to write about fascism sksksjd, nearly all of my WIPs talk about fascism. Even the final Angels book is (planned) to say a couple things about it pretty explicitly, if I can make it not sound silly. You know, one of my personal grievances with these famous utopia-dystopia books is that they're not gay! Not trans! Almost always white. Queers are policed because of their self-expression (limp wrists, deep or high-pitched voices, gender deviance) and sexual activity; you'd think queerness, at the very least, would be at the forefront of considering the policing of identity and self expression in totalitarianism. And yet !
(One final point on Brave New World and 1984 is that they both have their own takes on religion. BNW replaces Christianity with capitalism; 1984 basically replaces Christianity with the leader of the party. I think these are both good takes for their respective books, but Abrahamic religions (really, most monotheistic religions) are unique in that they introduce the idea of a single all-powerful ruler whose sin is, quite literally, "don't do what I tell you not to."
God can kill, after all, so killing is fine, but only when he does it. Only he is allowed to be violent, or when you have his blessing. I can go on another tangent here on how Max Weber defines a state as having the monopoly on violence, and God, explicitly, has the monopoly on violence. So there's a really parallel allusion between the Christian God and states. It's interesting, isn't it !)
ANYWAY, thank you very much for liking ABM! I would take it down, frankly, if I got that many followers. That would be way too many people looking at me. Also don't say that you'll never write anything incredible. I think that you will, but you won't with that attitude!!!!! Good luck writing !!! sending u love and all
#<3#mine#ask#sorry for the essay#i havent read 1984 and Brave New World in like 4 billion years but this is what i remember
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