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twdmusicboxmystery · 3 years

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FTWD 6x11: The Holding

Wow! Where to begin with this episode? We had some super-stellar parallels going here. I don’t think it was any secret that I wasn’t thrilled with last week’s episode. It was fine, but also kind of meh. I LOVED this week’s episode. So much good stuff!

***As always, spoilers for 6x11 abound below. Don't read until you've watched!***

So, we learn about these “end is the beginning” people. They’re staying in a place called The Holding, which is really an underground parking garage. (Um…cars, anyone? Let’s recall that Daryl and Carol walked through at least one parking garage in Consumed while looking for Beth. They also passed lots of above-ground ones, including one that had a red car with its door open in front of it. Also, the fact that it’s underground could make it a symbolic tomb/grave.)

These people are composting walkers to grow food underground. (People do use blood and bone feed to fertilize gardens. Like compost and waste, it really does help them grow. Of course in our society it’s ANIMAL blood and bone. Using walkers/humans is definitely more sinister and cringy. And they have proven that eating various parts of humans leads to things like Mad Cow’s Disease, so I do think Alicia’s question about food being grown that way being healthy is viable.)

But moving on.

It’s important to note that the showrunner called this group a cult, so are not they meant to be “good people.” Most of those that live there aren’t sinister, but they’ve been brainwashed into thinking their leader is a good man and that what he’s trying to accomplish is good. They’ve drunk the koolaid (or eaten the walker food?).

So, we have the ivy walker.

There really couldn’t be a more clear parallel to the blond girl Daryl saw on the tree in 5x15. Plus all the green ivy around her.

I believe we saw a promo of this walker early on. Like maybe nearer the beginning of S6. Which, thanks to Covid, was more than a year ago. I’d pretty much forgotten it, but we actually do see it in this episode.

The dogma of this group (“the end is the beginning”) is that from death springs new life. This walker is meant to represent that. Life growing out of death. And on its own, it doesn’t seem like an overly negative mission statement. After all, this world is full of death and people are trying to survive. But it quickly becomes obvious that there’s more sinister stuff at work here.

So what does this have to do with Beth? I think she’s the ultimate symbol of life springing from death. So, not only does this foreshadow her, but they’re also using her as a symbol here. I don’t know how this group may feed into future story lines, or if they’ll just be a FTWD thing, but it will be interesting to watch.

Some of the major things in this episode: a Sirius reunion, a Daryl/Merle parallel, Grady parallels, at least two major Beth/Bethyl proxies, and some tantalizing hints for what’s to come involving both this group and the CRM. (See why I loved this episode?)

Let’s dive in.

First, let me acknowledge all the background symbols. There are tons of them, and I don’t want to go into tons of detail about them. But we see cheese (think Morgan/Eastman), tomatoes, eggs (lots of food). We also see fire extinguishers, lots of green (especially paint), an elevator. You get the idea.

The first big thing that happens is Wes meets his brother, Derek, whom he thought was dead.

Welcome to the first Beth proxy.

Okay, I didn’t remember much of this backstory or how much of it was told when we first met Wes. I do remember talking about his brother as a possible Beth proxy, but beyond that, I didn’t remember details. But they rehash it all here. Care to take a guess?

Wes went out for supplies and was overwhelmed by, you guessed it, a walker horde. He ran into a shed but it collapsed (becoming something of tomb) and the walkers were beating on the outside, trying to get in (think Beth and Daryl in the trunk). He passed out and woke up in The Holding.

That’s exactly like what happened with Beth, actually. She told Gorman she was fighting a walker and everything went black. She woke up at Grady.

The difference here is that Beth never bought into what Dawn was peddling, but unfortunately, Wes’s brother did. We eventually learn that he’s a true follower of “Teddy,” the cult leader and condones the murder that’s being done.

And of course that’s also what we think happened during the missing 17 days. Overwhelmed by walkers, left behind. Perhaps she woke up back at Grady, or somewhere else.

But the actual reunion between Wes and Derek is very on-the-nose. Because Wes truly thought this brother dead, he even says things like, “You’re alive?” and “What the hell?” Probably things that will be said about Beth when she finally shows up.

There’s also a serious/Sirius mention when they sit down to talk. And Derek keeps mentioning his bike. Like Daryl, he had a bike that Wes took when he thought his brother dead. But the fact that he mentions “bikes” like five times in this conversation is important.

I wanted to mention coffee. We’ve seen coffee as a symbol before, specifically around Carol. We first noticed it when Paula told her little story about the carrot, the egg and the coffee beans going into the water in 6x13. She said the coffee beans changed the water itself. So, coffee = a catalyst for change. But this episode made me realize it’s a catalyst for a change that’s not necessarily good.

Apparently, the supplies Wes’s brother went out for was coffee creamer. The change that came was not only him being left behind and presumed dead, but changing into a person that no longer empathized with other human beings. (Correct me if I’m wrong, but didn’t we see Carol making and drinking coffee just before they went to the caverns and Connie disappeared?)

There’s also a huge eye/sight/see theme. They take everyone over to see this green-ivy walker and ask them what they “see”. The idea is that they should see life and possibility springing from death, but it’s just a way to indoctrinate them and check to see if they’re willing to go along with what the cult’s beliefs are. Lots of talk of eyes (opening your eyes), what one can and can’t yet see, etc.

Later, we see walkers with their mouths sewn shut. So we have at least the see no evil, speak no evil themes. There might have been hear no evil that I didn’t catch.

The second major parallel is to Daryl and Merle, since these two are brothers.

But it’s more than just that. Wes took Derek’s bike after he disappeared (same as Daryl and Merle). When Wes found his brother again, he was with a bad group (with Merle, it was the Governor) or rather a group of decent people led by an evil man. Derek has a skewed mindset, and is working for Teddy. Remember that Merle not only worked for the Gov but even tried to kill Michonne at one point. And how they die is…similar. Merle’s, in the end, was more chivalrous, as he died to help save Daryl and TF. That wasn’t the case with Derek, but his death resulted from him pretending to work against Teddy. Unfortunately it wasn’t real, and he betrayed them, but there are still parallels/anti-parallels between the two stories.

How is this place like Grady?

There’s the underground tomb aspect, the fact that they grow their own food. At the beginning, Alicia’s group keeps asking them questions about the community, which Riley (Nick Stahl) pretty much refuses to answer.

One of them is, “Are we allowed to leave?” or “Is anyone allowed to leave?” That, of course, instantly reminded me of Grady. Now, they never answer it directly, and at one point, Riley says they can decide if they want to stay or not. But by the time we get to the end of the episode, I’m pretty sure that’s BS. So, like Grady, no one’s really given the choice to leave. Even if they tell people they can.

They’re taken into a room with medical equipment at one point. It just looks a lot like Grady, though I could tell it wasn’t the same kind of medical equipment. We’re told that it’s embalming equipment.

In fact, Al says something that should catch your ear. She says, “they must have hit the funeral home.” Naturally all our minds will go to Alone, but she’s talking about the funeral home she and Dwight (I think) were at before. I don’t remember which episode, but we talked about it looking a lot like the funeral home in Alone. So, I think Al is saying these people, The Holding, raided that funeral home and took the equipment. Kinda makes me think the funeral home in Alone will come back into the picture at some point.

And it turns out, The Holding is embalming walkers. Al’s group ends up in a room with dozens of walkers strung up by their wrists (kind of like Daryl and Michonne were in Scars). They’ve been embalmed and their mouths have been sewn shut.

So, here’s where the plot becomes super interesting. I mentioned above that Riley told them they could choose to leave at some point, right? Al was saying that everything they’ve set up is impressive—food, power, water, they’re very self-sustaining—but it felt like they were preparing for something big.

He admits that they are. He says they are planning to soon close the doors permanently. He says they never want to go topside again, and the new way to live will be underground.

Later, when talking to Morgan, Al sort of implies that maybe it’s not so much about them choosing to go underground as that something will drive them underground for a long time. Almost like they’re preparing for a nuclear winter or something. But we don’t know exactly what it is.

I think what we’re supposed to infer is that they’re collecting walkers to use as compost in coming years. (They even call the walkers ‘posters.) They’re embalming the walkers to keep them “fresh.” Riley says the walkers last about 2 months in the composter before they break down entirely, so putting away 20 or 30 walkers really will last them for years.

CRM Ties

Wes and Al snoop through Derek’s room. They find maps of different communities and some of those transparent overlays that have the three rings of the CRM on them. That’s how they know that this group is attacking communities (like Tank Town) and that Derek knows all about it.

The other thing Al figures out from looking at Derek’s maps is that the group seemed to be tracking the CRM’s drop sites. She thinks they want to get their hands on a helicopter. (So, when it comes to Nora’s group, who was in the high rise, this group wasn’t after them. The roof was a helicopter drop site and that’s really who they were after. Though, they might have set the plague on Nora’s people because they are trying to kill humanity.) And given that this cult might be planning the end of the world, clearly them getting a hold of a helicopter would be a bad thing.

Al tells Dwight she’s going to go look for Isobel and warn her. I think she’s just planning to go to the drop sites and wait for a helicopter to show up.

So, we have more potential interaction with the CRM through Al. And I’m really hoping we get some good Bethyl symbolism and clues through this storyline. I’ll definitely be keeping an eye on it.

Morgan and Burning it Down

Wes confronts him and talks him into leaving with them. At one point, Wes mentions Morgan. I think he just does it without thinking, because what would Morgan mean to his brother, right? But Derek instantly gets weird when he hears Morgan’s name, and Wes doesn’t really notice.

When they try to leave, they get caught, and it’s obvious Derek set them up. They’re taken to the embalming room, and Riley asks where Morgan is. They won’t say how they know him or why they want him, but they’re VERY interested in finding Morgan.

I was thinking it might just be because Morgan killed those two guys in one of the early episodes when they attacked him in his truck, but they both died and wouldn’t have known his name from that encounter anyway. So I’m not sure what this is about. There are the tapes they were leaving at gas stations and such. Maybe that’s it, but it wouldn’t explain why they would want Morgan more than the others.

They’re taken to the embalming room and threatened with death. Derek takes Wes back to the ivy walker to see if he can “see” what Wes does.

A fight ensues, and Wes throws Derek into the walker where he’s bitten. He shoots his brother so he won’t turn. The thing about this part is that it doesn’t show it. It instead shows the (somewhat yellowish) mural Derek was working on before, and Teddy’s voice is talking about how light comes from darkness. Then, we just hear a single gunshot.

That gave me *major* Beth vibes.

Wes then goes back to the embalming room to rescue the others.

Wes’s reaction at this part reminded me a bit of Daryl/Merle too. Not so much at Merle’s death, but back in 3x10 when Daryl returned to the prison. It just struck me that, while Wes did cry when his brother died and clearly mourned him, he got over it really fast. He went back to where the group was and no longer seemed terribly broken up about it. I was just thinking he seemed to have figured out who his true family was and where he really belonged, and that that was more important than his brother’s warped mindset. Much like Daryl and Merle.

When he goes back, he takes Riley hostage briefly and they all escape into another room and bar the door. This room is full of the hanging walkers full of embalming fluid. They have to walk between them toward an exit on the far side.

Al Parallels Daryl in 5x15

Here’s another super interesting parallel. Al sees one walker hanging that has the black CRM gear on it, including the helmet, so she can’t see its face. She walks over to it and lifts its helmet, clearly looking to see if it’s Isobel, which it’s not. Such an obvious parallel to Daryl looking into the face of the blond walker on the tree. It even lunges at her and she kills it, like Daryl did with that walker.

What I liked here is that Alicia freaked out about it. She said, “what the hell was that?” Aaron didn’t say that to Daryl, so they weren’t drawing as much attention to it there as they did here. But clearly we are supposed to notice that, without knowing more, that behavior is bizarre. And here, we the audience know that Al was worried it was Isobel. But Alicia doesn’t. Where the blond walker on the tree is concerned, the audience is in Alicia’s place, not being terribly clear about what’s behind Daryl’s behavior. (I mean, TD is, but most of the rest of the fandom isn’t.)

So then Alicia says they should take this place down. When Al stabbed the CRM walker in the neck, embalming fluid poured out. Embalming fluid is highly flammable. So, long story short, Alicia stays behind to “burn it down” and the others escape. (I don’t have to explain that parallel, right? ;D)

It all happens really fast. We see Alicia light the match (which Al had; just reminded me of Daryl having matches in Rick’s hallucination in 7x01, and clearly Al = Daryl in this parallel), and then it skips to Al, Wes, and Luciana back with Morgan telling him what happened. They say the fire was huge and burned hot, and Alicia could have gotten out, but they couldn’t FIND her. They also don’t know if any of the Holding people got out.

So Morgan just says they’re going to go back and start at the Holding location to look for Alicia. I’m assuming that will happen next episode.

So, we aren’t exactly clear on this group’s dogma or what they’re trying to do, but it does seem that they want to kill off everyone who lives up top. Which is, you know, everyone. And once again, that makes them a lot like the Wolves. They believe killing people is saving them. I’m not saying these are Wolves or anything (they might be; after all, both groups tied a blond walker to a tree and believed similar things about killing off the remnants of humanity) but rather that the Wolves were a foreshadow of other groups to come.

And the next question is, are they part of the CRM? Because of the CRM walker, and what they implied about them trying to hijack a helicopter, I’m thinking not. But there’s clearly a lot of entanglement going on.

Alicia = Beth

So, in the final scene, we have some interesting developments. This may be the scene that got my mind spinning the most, just in terms of symbolic Beth potential.

We see Alicia, very much alive, and still in the embalming room, though now all the walls look blackened. So obviously the entire place didn’t burn down. (That doesn’t surprise me. It’s an underground parking garage. It takes a lot to burn down cement.)

She’s being held hostage in there. Riley comes in and says some weird, cryptic things. He says new life springs from death, for MOST people, and that they plan to preserve Alicia exactly as she is. It’s obvious they mean to kill and embalm her.

But I had the thought that maybe they meant her to take the place of the Ivy Walker. We don’t know what happened to that walker. It might have burned in the fire, but they didn’t show us either way. I was thinking that it would make a twisted sense for them to embalm Alicia (who tried to take their community down) and put her in its place. Which would make her a Beth proxy.

Riley leaves her alone with the embalming guy, but she stabs him in the eye (Sirius) and then, after a brutal scuffle, sticks him in the neck with the embalming needle, killing him.

It’s then that we finally meet Teddy, the leader of the cult. We hear about him and hear his voice a lot during the episode (they play tapes of him talking throughout the garage as people work) but this is when we first see him. It’s John Glover. I don’t know if everyone’s familiar with him. He was on Smallville back in the day. I totally forgot he was going to be on the show. He’s usually a villain, but more of a funny villain than a scary villain.

Anyway, he basically tells Alicia he has a special role for her and that he’s been looking for someone like her for a long time. He seems convinced that he can convert her to his philosophy, but he’s also fixated on the fact that she sacrificed herself for her family. So, it doesn’t say what he means by “someone like you” but I’m assuming someone who is brave or else self-sacrificial.

But here’s the thing. I’ve been thinking recently that they haven’t really done much with Alicia lately. She’s one of the few surviving originals for this series, and one of the most well known actors going into it, because she’s been on other highly-watched tv shows, but they’ve kind of been ignoring her.

So, I think this is the beginning of a big arc for her, and I think it will be a major parallel for what happened with Beth after she was left behind.

Alicia becomes a proxy here for Beth, not only because she’s in the Grady-like medical room, and stabs a guy in the eye, but Teddy totally razzes her about being left behind.

He says, “they left you behind.” She says, “I made them.” He says, “Yeah, but they obliged.” And then goes off about how they’re her family and family is sacred and they shouldn’t have done that.

And in my head, I’m screaming, “Beth! Beth! Beth!”

So yeah. Super intrigued by this episode. They’re setting up some really intriguing things and it will be very interesting to see what happens moving forward.

What did everyone else think of the episode?

#beth greene #beth greene lives #beth is alive #beth is coming #td theory #td theories #team delusional #team defiance #beth is almost here #bethyl

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longitudinalwaveme · 3 years

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Smoke and Mirrors

Dramatis Personae

Wally West, the energetic, enthusiastic, and confident third Flash

Iris Allen, the wife of Barry Allen and a daredevil reporter

Mirror Master, alias Sam Scudder, a talented inventor and the de facto second-in-command of the Rogues

The Top, alias Roscoe Dillon, an arrogant elitist who is suffering from a mysterious disease

Weather Wizard, alias Mark Mardon, a rather dimwitted thief with an obscenely powerful weapon, the weather wand

The Trickster, alias James Jesse, a charming con man with no fashion sense

Script

Act I

(Enter Wally West and Iris Allen, who has just arrived to the Flash Airport of Central City)

Wally: Hi, Aunt Iris! How have you been? It’s so nice to have you back!

Iris: Hi, Wally. It’s good to be back. How’s your Uncle Barry been?

Wally: He’s been great. Really slow since he lost his super speed, of course, but otherwise, he’s fine. He even took down the Trickster all by himself!

Iris: I heard. It made a great story. (Pause) How have he and Bart been doing since I went on my trip?

Wally: Bart’s still really impulsive, and he scared Uncle Barry half to death when he ran to New York City and watched an off-off-Broadway show without telling anyone, but overall he’s been doing great. Uncle Barry enrolled him in sixth grade and he’s become friends with this girl named Carol and this boy named Preston, and he’s finally kind of adjusting to life outside the speed force. He’s still not crazy about Irey and Jai, though-he thinks they’re annoying tagalongs. Oh, and he discovered anchovy pizza for the first time, and, for some reason, he loves it! He’s eaten 45 slices in the past two days, and Uncle Barry says that he thinks he’ll single-handedly keep the neighborhood pizza place in business. (Pause) How was your trip?

Iris: I loved it! There’s nothing quite like the thrill of investigating the government of Kandaq.

Wally: But isn’t Kandaq led by Black Adam?

Iris: Yes. That’s why it was so much fun to investigate what he’s been up to! Before I did some snooping around, no one knew what he was doing because everyone was too scared to check, so I was able to write the biggest exposé of my career and take down a supervillain at the same time. It was awesome! I even got to interview Captain Marvel after he rescued me from Black Adam.

Wally: No wonder you won a Pulitzer. (Pause) So, besides risking your life, did you do anything else in Kandaq? I’ve heard it has delicious food.

Iris: (Laughs) Of course you would focus on the food.

Wally: Well, is it as good as Dick told me?

Iris: Actually, yes. The spices in particular are delicious-and unique to the country, too!

Wally: I’ll be right back. (Wally exits, then rapidly re-enters) That was delicious!

Iris: That’s my Wally. (Pause) And to finish answering your question, besides eating and investigating, I did a lot of sightseeing and even more souvenir-buying.

Wally: Sounds fun!

Iris: It was. (Pause) And in speaking of souvenirs….. (Pulls t-shirt out of bag) This is for you.

Wally: (takes shirt, reads) “I stood in the presence of the all-powerful Black Adam and all I got was this lousy t-shirt.” (Laughs) Thanks, Aunt Iris! I love it!

Iris: I thought you might. I also got a doll of Isis for Irey, a book on Kandaq’s history for Jai, a longer book on the same subject for your Uncle Barry, a necklace for Linda, a fan for Joan, a scrapbook for Jay, and Captain Marvel’s signature and promise to visit our house for Bart.

Wally: Sweet! (Pause) Do you have all your bags?

Iris: Yes, I do.

Wally: Then let’s get you home! (Pause, then in “official” voice) The West Delivery Service will get you there in three seconds, or your money back!

Iris: (Laughs) Definitely my Wally.

(Both Exit)

Act II

(Top is onstage, sitting at table and talking on the phone)

Top: (on the phone) Greetings, my darling. How are you? (Pause) Excellent. I’m glad to hear it. How fares the mission? (Pause) What sort of complications? You know as well as I do that I haven’t much time. If you do not find a cure soon, my powers will quite literally be the death of me. We do not have time for failure! (Pause) I’m sorry, honeybunch. I did not mean to snap at you. I am simply anxious. Even I cannot come out on top in a battle with the grave. (Pause) Of course I trust you, sweetums. Remember though, my darling, if my calculations are correct, I only have a month left. We must get the cure! (Pause) Well that, at least, is good news. If Allen likes you, it will not be long before he is willing to trust you enough to help you find the cure. (Pause) I love you, dearest. Farewell. (Puts phone away and puts on earmuffs) And now to enjoy my meal in peace.

(Enter Trickster, Mirror Master, and Weather Wizard)

Weather Wizard: So, how’d you guys find me?

Trickster: It’s simple, Wiz! We followed the reports of snowstorms in July.

Mirror Master: You aren’t exactly subtle, Mardon.

Weather Wizard: Fair enough. I guess being able to control the weather doesn’t leave much room for subtlety. (Pause) So, what do you two want?

Mirror Master: Your help. If there’s anyone who can keep the Flash away from our heists, it’s you. You’re more powerful than all of us-even me.

Weather Wizard: I know.

Trickster: And you’re modest, too.

Weather Wizard: Hey, if you could control the weather with a flick of the wrist, you’d be a little arrogant, too.

Trickster: Fair enough. (Pause) Say, last I heard, your wand was busted. How’d you get it working again?

Weather Wizard: (Defensively) None of your business. I just did, okay?

Trickster: (Suspiciously) Oh, really? Then let me see the wand.

Weather Wizard: No! You can’t touch it!

Trickster: Why not?

Weather Wizard: Because it’s mine, and you aren’t gonna touch it!

Trickster: (Grabs wand) Too late! I already have it!

Weather Wizard: Give it back! (Tries to grab wand, but fails and falls on his face)

Trickster: All right, Mr. Weather Wand. Make it rain! Bippity boppity boo! (Waves wand, nothing happens) That’s funny. I thought you said you fixed the wand, Wiz.

Weather Wizard: (Gets to his feet and grabs the wand back) Okay, so I exaggerated about being able to fix it. I’ve used the weather wand long enough that I was able to do a patch job and get it to make some snow, but it’s pretty much useless for any other form of weather. I can’t even make it whip up a decent blizzard!

Mirror Master: All you can make is snow? (Trickster notices the Top)

Weather Wizard: (Weakly) Yeah.

Mirror Master: Well, that’s just great. Here I was thinking that we had tornadoes, lighting, and hail on our side, and all we have is a glorified snow machine! (Pause) And when were you planning on mentioning the fact that you can’t make anything but snow, anyway? When the Flash showed up to take us to jail?

Weather Wizard: Well, to be honest, I hadn’t really thought out that far. I was trying to save face, not come up with a battle plan.

Mirror Master: (Despondently) There goes my Ferrari.

Trickster: Don’t give up on the Ferrari just yet, Sam! I have a way to salvage our heist!

Mirror Master: James, I already told you. I am not going to use a “whoopie cushion of doom” to stop the Flash. Unlike you, I have some dignity.

Trickster: First, the Whoopie Cushion of Doom is high comedy, and you should be honored that I offered to let you use it. Second, that’s not it.

Mirror Master: Then what is it?

Trickster: It’s the Top! He’s sitting right over there! (Points to Top)

Mirror Master: (Surprised) So he is.

Weather Wizard: What’s he doing here? I thought he and Golden Glider were in Hawaii on the fifth anniversary of their first date or something.

Mirror Master: Who knows with those two. Maybe they came home early.

Trickster: Came home early ? They never went ! They’ve been in Central City this whole time!

Weather Wizard: They have? But then why did they tell everyone that they were on vacation?

Mirror Master: Probably so they could spend time together without Captain Cold breathing down their necks. Given how overprotective he is, if I was dating Lisa, I would probably pretend to be out of the city, too. It’s hard to have romantic moments when you know that her big brother’s watching and will maim you if you look at her funny.

Trickster: Nah, that’s not it. If Roscoe was afraid of Captain Cold, he wouldn’t challenge his authority all the time. I think they’re planning something, something they want to keep secret from the rest of us, and I want to find out what it is. (Taps Top on shoulder) Hiya, Top!

Top: (Takes off earmuffs; Aside) Why me? (To Trickster) What do you want?

Trickster: Well, Mirror Master wants a Ferrari, and I want some excitement, so we need your help to rob the jewelry store on Fifth and Main.

Top: I am afraid that you will be disappointed. I am quite busy, and am being pressed to the top of my bent. I have no time for frivolities, Giovanni.

Weather Wizard: Giovanni? Who’s Giovanni?

Trickster: Me.

Mirror Master: You gave the Top an alias when he asked for your real name?

Trickster: (“Offended”) No! I’d never do anything like that! (Pause) I didn’t give him an alias when he asked for my real name. I gave you two an alias!

Weather Wizard: Your real name’s Giovanni?

Trickster: Yep! Giovanni Giuseppi. My family is Italian.

Mirror Master: Then why do you always go by James Jesse?

Trickster: Because Jesse was our family’s stage name from the circus. Since we used an alias in our performances, I got used to being called James, so I eventually decided to just start using it as my regular name. Besides, it’s easier to say than Giovanni Giuseppi.

Mirror Master: Well, whoever you are, clearly, your plan failed. Dillon doesn’t want to get involved in our plan, and so it’ll be a bust.

Trickster: (Aside) Oh, ye of little faith. (To Mirror Master) I’ll be able to get him to come around. Trust me.

Mirror Master: Forgive me if I’m less than convinced. (Trickster walks over to Top)

Trickster: (To Top) What if I told you that there would be something in it for you?

Top: I would still refuse. As I already told you, I am quite preoccupied. Now, if you will excuse me, I am going home.

Trickster: (Stopping Top) Top, old buddy, just hear me out. If you don’t like it, I promise you can leave, but you’ve gotta at least learn what it is.

Top: We are not “old buddies”, but, since you seem determined to annoy me until I listen to what you have to say, I suppose I will give in to the inevitable and allow you to speak. But be quick about it. I am giving you five minutes- tops .

Trickster: You know what? Never mind. It was silly of me to think you would be motivated by something as small as an engagement ring. (Moves out of Top’s way; To Mirror Master and Weather Wizard) Come on, guys, let’s go. I’m sure I’ll be able to come up with something else.

Top: What was that about an engagement ring?

Trickster: Oh, you wouldn’t be interested in it, I’m sure.

Top: You are mistaken. Do tell me what you think I will get out of this heist.

Trickster: Are you sure? If you really are busy, I don’t want to bother you.

Top: No, no. I am fine. Please, tell me what you mean.

Trickster: Well, if you insist…..A few months ago, Lisa told me that she saw the perfect engagement ring at the jewelry store that we’re planning to rob, and that she would be thrilled if you proposed to her with it. But like I said, if you don’t want to help us….

Top: (Quickly) If it will please Lisa, I would very much like to help ensure that you come out on top .

Trickster: Great! Glad to have you aboard, pal!

Mirror Master: (Draws Trickster aside) How could you have talked to Glider “a few months ago”? You spent the last six months on a cross-country swindling trip and didn’t get back until three weeks ago!

Trickster: (Aside to Mirror Master) That’s right…..but he doesn’t know that.

Mirror Master: (Aside to Trickster) Clever.

Trickster: (Aside to Mirror Master) I know, right? (Aloud) So, what’s the plan?

Act III

(Enter Wally and Iris)

Wally: Is there anything else you need me to do, Aunt Iris?

Iris: Wally, you’ve already gotten me home from the airport, unpacked all my bags, put everything away, pulled everything out when you put everything away wrong, put everything away in the right places, delivered my letter to your Grandpa Ira in Florida, fixed my car, and repainted the garage. You’ve done enough.

Wally: Aww, it was nothing, Aunt Iris.

Iris: It wasn’t nothing. That was a lot of work, and I really appreciate it. (Pause) By the way, you haven’t eaten much since you brought me home. You should probably get some food.

Wally: Good idea, Aunt Iris! (Wally exits, then quickly re-enters) I love Japanese food!

Iris: Did you really run all the way to Japan just to get food? Wally: Why not? I can get there and back in three seconds!

Iris: (laughs) Oh, Wally. You’ve gotta stop doing that before it rubs off on Bart.

Wally: I think it might be too late for that. He’s already running to New York City to watch off-off-Broadway, after all.

Iris: I know, but now that Barry doesn’t have his super speed, we need to dissuade him from doing that again. We can’t be calling you all the time because we can’t bring him back when he disappears to another continent. Without at least one parent with super speed, he needs to stay close to home so that we can help him if he gets into trouble.

Wally: I don’t mind bringing him home.

Iris: Yes, but I’m pretty sure your boss will mind if you have to keep leaving work to bring Bart home from Namibia or Laos or Bithynia.

Wally: But he knows I’m the Flash! I have to leave work all the time!

Iris: True, but there’s a difference between leaving work to stop crime or save people and leaving work to track down your cousin who went on a joyride.

Wally: Yeah, you probably have a point there.

Iris: As soon as he and Barry get home from their trip to the park, I’ll have Barry sit him down and have a little chat with him about running off to other states or foreign countries-assuming that he can focus long enough to get the message, that is.

Wally: Hey, do you mind if I stick around until they get back? I wanted to talk to Uncle Barry about the Rogues’ latest escape from jail.

Iris: Of course you can stay here! (Pause) And why didn’t you tell me that the Rogues escaped? That always makes for a good news story!

Wally: I don’t really know a lot about how it happened yet, so I guess it just slipped my mind.

Iris: In that case, I’ll have to do some investigating to find out how….after Barry, Bart, and I have our little chat, of course.

Wally: Have I ever told you that you’re awesome, Aunt Iris?

Iris: Not lately.

Wally: Well, you’re awesome. (Phone rings) Sorry! I have to get that! (Pulls out phone) Hello? (Pause) Oh, hi, Mrs. Rowen. Why are you calling? (Pause) Suspension? Why? They’re only kindergartners! (Pause) They did what? (Pause) Well, yes, I’m sure that the school having all its windows broken by dual sonic booms would be problematic, but they don’t know how to control their speed. I know they didn’t do it maliciously. (Pause) $600,000? Wow….That is a lot of money. I’m really sorry. I didn’t even know they were moving at supersonic speeds yet. Did anyone get hurt? (Pause) Two teachers are going to need stitches? Oh, no. I’m really sorry. I’m really, really, really sorry. (Pause) Yes, of course I’ll come meet with you. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. I’ll be right there. Bye. (Puts phone away) Looks like I won’t be able to talk to Uncle Barry. My kids shattered all the windows at the elementary school when they accidentally created a sonic boom, and now I have to meet with their principal. I swear, parenting super-powered children is a million times harder than fighting supervillains. At least with supervillains, I don’t have to pay for the damages that they cause. I’ve gotta run. Bye!

(Exit Wally)

Iris: It’s at times like these that I’m glad Bart stayed in the Speed Force until he was old enough to know how to control his speed. (Pause) In speaking of Bart, there he and his dad are now. Hopefully, Bart will cooperate with the limits he sets on his travel, because if not, I’m not sure that Barry and I will be able to enforce them. Even Wally wasn’t as impulsive as Bart is.

Act IV (Enter Top, Trickster, Mirror Master, and Weather Wizard. Trickster is wielding a fearsome rubber chicken and a kazoo)

Mirror Master: Did everyone make it through the Mirror Realm all right?

Top: I feel more than a little nauseous, but otherwise, I am fine, since we managed to arrive at our intended destination.

Mirror Master: What are you implying?

Top: Nothing. It is simply that I would feel far more comfortable if I knew that the realm through which we traveled so shortly ago was controlled by a man who had at least completed his secondary education and who hailed from somewhere other than the part of town colloquially known as “Skid Row”. In all candor, your credentials do not inspire confidence.

Mirror Master: Hey, I might not have your fancy education, but I’m just as smart as you. How else do you think I discovered an entire alternate dimension?

Top: My supposition would be that the goddess Fortuna smiled upon an unworthy candidate with the freakish caprice for which she is known.

Mirror Master: Are you saying I just got lucky?

Top: Indeed.

Mirror Master: You’ve got some nerve, Dillon! I worked for years to learn how the Mirror Realm worked! Just because I’m from Skid Row doesn’t mean I’m stupid!

Top: My experience, and the experiences of my father, would suggest otherwise.

Trickster: Girls, girls, girls . You’re both pretty. Now, let’s start the heist already! I already deactivated the alarms, but they’ll come back on eventually. And besides, I’m bored!

Weather Wizard: Trickster’s right. I already created enough snow to slow down the cops, but that won’t hold them forever, and it won’t hold our friend in the red pajamas at all. We need to hurry.

Mirror Master: Well, if the Top is ready, so am I.

Top: I was not the one delaying us, but I am quite prepared to proceed in our enterprise. (To Trickster, as Weather Wizard and Mirror Master start grabbing jewelry) Where is the engagement ring that my beloved desires?

Trickster: (Looks around at the various rings) Let’s see…..I know it’s around here somewhere ….. (Finds a particularly ostentatious ring and points at it) Oh! There it is!

Top: Are you certain that that is what she desires? It seems a bit gaudy for her tastes.

Trickster: Of course I’m sure! (Aside) And I’m not lying. I’m sure she’ll hate it, and I’m sure that learning that he got outsmarted by a circus brat will take Mr.Phony British Accent down a few pegs. He’s smart, but he’s not nearly as smart as he thinks he is.

Top: You have my gratitude, Giovanni. (Takes ring) Is there nothing that you are inclined to take?

Trickster: Not really. I’m here to put on a show, not to take money. (Pulls out bottle of paint) Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to replace the bathroom sinks’ water with paint.

(Exit Trickster; Top analyzes jewelry and slowly begins to select the sophisticated jewelry)

Mirror Master: (To Weather Wizard) I know I said that I was getting a Ferrari, but I’ve been thinking it over, and I think I might get a Lamborghini instead. What do you think?

Weather Wizard: Which one’s faster?

Mirror Master: I’m not sure. Except for a three-day period where I was in possession of W. W. Wiggins’s stolen Ferrari, I’ve never actually owned a car.

Weather Wizard: (Surprised) You’ve never owned a car? How’s that possible? Before I became the Weather Wizard, I was the world’s biggest loser, and even I had a car. I mean, granted, I crashed it into a tree, but I had one!

Mirror Master: (Defensive) I grew up in the inner city. Have you seen the traffic in the interior of Central City? It’s a nightmare! There’s a reason everyone takes the subway to work. The traffic gets so jammed that cars are basically useless.

Weather Wizard: But you still live in the inner city. If there’s no use for one, why do you want it so bad?

Mirror Master: (Angrily) Because I’m tired of being poor! I’ve spent my entire life either in jail or in tiny two-room apartments on Baker Street, and I’m sick of it! I’m sick of always being behind on rent, I’m sick of wearing other people’s cast-offs, and I’m SICK of Roscoe implying that I’m stupid! I want a car because it would be a sign that I finally have enough money to get off of Skid Row! People would have to give me some respect then!

Weather Wizard: If it makes you feel any better, without the weather wand, nobody gives me any respect, either. The only reason that I’m here right now is to earn back the reputation I lost when it broke. I don’t really need the money.

Mirror Master: You don’t?

Weather Wizard: Nah. I won a $20,000 poker game a few weeks ago.

Mirror Master: But you’re terrible at poker!

Weather Wizard: (Shrugs) I was playing against an 18-year-old who had just inherited his daddy’s company and had never played a game in his life.

Mirror Master: And Dillon says I’M the one who gets lucky!

Weather Wizard: Don’t take it personally, Sam. He’s a jerk to everyone-except Lisa, that is.

Mirror Master: What does she see in him, anyway?

Weather Wizard: That, my friend, is one of the great mysteries of life. He’s not even that attractive!

Top: (Comes over) It is not so mysterious as that. Unlike the rest of you ruffians, I am a man of birth, breeding, and education. Our relationship is a great boon for her social status, especially given the “trailer trash” from whence she comes-to use a colloquialism, of course-and I am certainly better company than any of you could hope to provide. Her selection of me as a paramor proves that she, alone among you “Rogues”, has taste.

Mirror Master: (Sarcastically) Yeah, you’re a real prince, Dillon.

(Alarm goes off)

Weather Wizard: Oh, no! The alarm! We must’ve lost track of time, and now the Flash is gonna show up and make me a laughingstock all over again!

(Enter Trickster)

Trickster: Where’s the Flash? He should be here by now!

Mirror Master: Who cares? Let’s get outta here!

Trickster: Wait! I want to fight the Flash! It’s no fun if I don’t get to fight the Flash!

Mirror Master: Trickster, we got what we came for! Now let’s go!

(All exit quickly, Mirror Master dragging a flailing Trickster)

Act V

(Mirror Master, Weather Wizard, Top, and Trickster are onstage, sitting. Trickster is pouting)

Weather Wizard: We...we actually did it?

Top: Obviously. We are here and not in jail, are we not?

Weather Wizard: I know that, I just can’t believe that we actually did it! We never get away with heists this big!

Mirror Master: You’re right, Mardon. It’s been over four years since we had a heist that the Flash didn’t stop….and we got away with it!

Weather Wizard: So, what do we do now?

Mirror Master: I….I don’t know. It’s been years since we got away with anything, so I haven’t had a plan beyond “get away” in years.

Weather Wizard: I guess you can buy your car now.

Mirror Master: Yeah. I guess so. (Sighs) It’s so weird that we’re not in jail right now.

Weather Wizard: Tell me about it. I haven’t had a run of luck this good in ages!

Top: It is not so peculiar as you are treating it. After all, I accompanied you on this heist, something I have not often done. It is not, therefore, terribly surprising that you were successful-I enabled you to come out on top .

Mirror Master: Dillon, do the world a favor and shut up. I’m not in the mood for your attitude.

Weather Wizard: (To Trickster) Hey, James, why are you so upset? We just got away with a million dollars! You should be on cloud nine!

Trickster: I’m upset because the Flash didn’t show up! He’s what makes crime exciting! Since he wasn’t there and we did it at night, I didn’t have an audience, and it wasn’t any fun! Besides, escaping changes up the game. How are we supposed to start the game over if we don’t get captured and have to escape again?

Weather Wizard: Now that you mention it, I did feel like our heist was lacking in that rush. It’s hard to feel excited when there’s no danger that you might be stopped.

Mirror Master: Yeah. It’s not enjoyable to beat him when he doesn’t even show up. (Pause) But hey, at least we’re rich now, right?

Weather Wizard: (Without confidence) Right. And I’m sure we’ll be able to come up with something to do. It’ll be great!

Trickster: (Petulantly) No, it won’t. The game’s been ruined!

Mirror Master: How has it been ruined? You don’t need the Flash to trick people.

Trickster: No, I don’t, but it’s not the same. I came back to Central City to play the game, and now the game has been ruined because the Flashes won’t play!

Weather Wizard: (Too cheerfully) Hey, why don’t we go get some ice cream? That’ll make us all feel better.

Mirror Master: Sure, why not?

Trickster: I guess so. But only if I can get gummy bears and rainbow sprinkles.

Top: I will pass on that offer. I have fulfilled my part of the agreement and must get back to work.

Weather Wizard: Okay. More for us, I guess.

Mirror Master: (Mutters) Good riddance.

Trickster: I had better get two dips, too.

(Exit Trickster, Mirror Master, and Weather Wizard)

Top: Ahh. Peace and quiet at last. (Pulls out cell phone) Hello, Lisa, darling. This is Roscoe. How fares the mission? (Pause) Allen is willing to help you get the cure? Good. Good. Very good. You, my sweet, are a veritable Sarah Siddons. (Pause) Oh, my apologies. I thought that was common knowledge. Sarah Siddons was a famous Shakespearean actress who was renowned for her life-like portrayal of Lady Macbeth in the 19th century, and you are quite as talented an actress. (Pause) Oh! I almost forgot. I have pleasant news as well, honeybunch. I appropriated the engagement ring that you so desired! (Pause) Wait, you never picked out a ring for that purpose? My profuse apologies, sweetums. It seems that I was misinformed. (Pause) Don’t worry, my dearest darling. The pain has been quite manageable, and given what you have just told me, I have no fear for my life. (Pause) Thank you, darling. Your snuggle-bunny loves you, too. Good-bye. (Puts phone away) TRICK-STER!

(Scene change. Enter Wally, in jewelry store)

Wally: Aw, come on! I’m getting sued by the school district AND I let the Rogues get away? Man, this just isn’t my day! (Pause) Oh, well. If there’s one thing that Uncle Barry’s taught me, it’s that a true hero never gives up. I’m sure to find them eventually-especially since they aren’t exactly subtle. (Pause) And if there’s one good thing about all this, it’s that things can’t possibly get worse! I’ll go get a quick snack, and then I’ll find Aunt Iris and Uncle Barry so that we can take down those Rogues- in a Flash!

#wally west #flash rogues #dc comics #fanfic

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annecoulmanross · 4 years

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A Re(sponse)-Re-Re-Review, Re: The Terror (2018)

I’ve recently read through all of the gorgeous review posts of The Terror (2018) from @rhavewellyarnbag and I just want to say that I think they’re incredibly beautiful and thoughtful responses to this show – all three amazing rounds of them.

I started out simply collecting quotes that were amusing to me, but my notes document very quickly became full of my own responses and confessions. Basically, I ended up making my own response/review of the whole thing, which is what you’ll find in this post.

So, thank you @rhavewellyarnbag for your many insightful thoughts about this show and my responses are below the cut! (Also, your repeated efforts to drive Goodsir to the hospital are a truly noble service, and bring me comfort in these dark times.)

01x01 – “Go For Broke” (One, Two, and Three)

“Ciaran Hinds looks like a grand old walrus.”

This was the line that made me realize I needed to start keeping track of quotes that made me laugh like a seal barking.

“‘You should cherish that man.’ I cherish that fucking line of dialog. I don’t even mean it in a filthy way. That line is so goddamn sweet, I could punch myself in the face.”

Amongst all the beautiful content produced about this show, almost nothing will ever surpass, for me, this description of this line of dialogue paired with that post about “Idiot Boat Caesar, who knows a slow-burn when he sees one.” Sir John has an astonishing capacity to be truly warm on rare occasions, and this is one of the few scenes in which we really get to see James experience that warmth, both genuinely and, here, in the form of a truly gentle, well-meant rebuke that probably cuts James far more than we see.

“This is an interesting scene with the diving suit. This could potentially go very badly. The man in the suit may be dispatched by the mysterious horror following them, or, in order not to give it away, and to show a scientific curiosity, he may die of decompression of the suit.”

Fun fact: one of my great-grandfathers apparently died of decompression from using an early-model diving suit. I learned this when I was word-vomiting to my mother about The Terror. I am now even more terrified of historical diving suits. All diving suits, really.

“If James’ characterization plays around with gender, it does so in this sense: James is constantly acted upon, by the bullet that wounded him, by the disease that fells him, by others’ opinions of him.”

Watch me attempt to cite your reviews of the The Terror in a dissertation, because everything about this description is exactly the gender framework around which I’ve draped the two historical men with whom I’ve fallen in love, one being my actual subject of research, the other being James Fitzjames.

“I’ve previously compared James’ bravery, his very person, to a woman’s beauty: bestowed upon her, not earned; understood to be temporary; dependent upon others’ admiring, desiring of it. Does James exist when no one is around to observe him?”

I adore everything about this description and also it makes me cry.

“There are a great deal of unfortunate classical references in this episode.”

This is my entire mood about The Terror, always. The nods to Philoctetes and Medea as components of the Argonaut myth that Sir John invokes are also distinctly worth exploring in this context, though I’m not going to do so here because the Argonautica (broadly speaking) is not my speciality.

01x02 – “Gore” (One, Two, and Three)

“James and Sir John are about the same height. They look not dissimilar, which James probably liked.”

Oh James.

“Strangely, [Sir John] doesn’t seem particularly pleased with James, who adores him.”

It’s true, and it’s quite painful. I don’t think Sir John is a good role model for James, but it doesn’t lessen the fact that I know James is perceptive enough to know that he’s not being adored in return, and that’s a brutal thing to know.

“You don’t have to be a drunk redheaded sea captain to see that James is empty, hollow, aching, desperate to be the things he tells you he is, desperate to see himself reflected back at himself. Desperate to be loved.”

I have a type, and this is it, apparently.

“Goodsir is a character from another sort of work, entirely. That’s its own kind of tragedy, the tragic juxtaposition. Goodsir is a sweet, gentle, utterly ordinary little pudding, an incidental character plucked from a more innocent narrative, and he’s no-doubt going to die horribly.”

This is the early impression of Goodsir, before any of us see what’s beneath Goodsir’s surface, but it’s also not wrong at all. In another sort of work (perhaps, as noted, a work by Jane Austen), Goodsir is (uniquely, among these men, perhaps) capable of living a sweet, gentle, utterly ordinary little life, with a more innocent narrative.

“It’s strongly implied that Irving’s imagination is so open that he has to work to close it.”

That’s certainly true of the historical Irving, as I read it. I have many more complex thoughts and feelings about Irving now than I did after just watching the series through the first time, but I’m not sure whether that’s because his story-line is actually rich, or because I’ve come to like him separately. (Unlike, for instance, Fitzjames, whom I have come to adore separately, but I can safely say does also have a rich story-line in these ten episodes.) The real Irving is more elusive than I think I at least gave him credit for originally.

“Oh, James Fitzjames, you overly-familiar little strumpet, you.”

I’m sobbing.

“Scurvy doesn’t care what kind of person you are.”

In many ways this is true, because we do see scurvy acting indiscriminately on different men, here, without a care for age or station or morality. But also scurvy, in this narrative, attacks most vividly those with some sort of previous wound that the scurvy can reopen. Notably James, but also Morfin, whose flogging-scars we never see but can assume from his conversation (also, for that matter, Jopson, who, historically, had a major scar on his leg, of unknown origin). Scurvy may not truly care what kind of person you are, but if you’ve led a dangerous life, scurvy has one more way to hurt you.

“Who among us has not been desperate to discuss our interests, to the point where there is almost a flirtatious edge to the broaching of the topic? One must be careful, so as not to give away too much, both for the gentle handling that one’s interests require, and for the sake of not alienating some poor rando who made the mistake of asking a bland, vague question simply to be polite.”

Ah, so I see you understand, then. I’ve taken to apologizing in advance of discussing the gorier elements of the Franklin expedition, as though I’ve exposed myself in public. (But seriously, this is the most excellent description of the discomforting feeling of very more obsessed with something than is socially acceptable.)

01x03 – “The Ladder” (One, Two, and Three)

“John Ross is the Jacob Marley figure, I take it.”

The beginning of many intriguing resonances between this show and Dickens’s Christmas Carol, and I think, one of the most elegant. The actor who plays John Ross would be an excellent Jacob Marley.

“Jopson would not talk about Francis’ drinking! You take that back, Gibson.”

This is what I adore about Thomas “Mr. Hears Everything” Jopson – he’ll only ever tell things about others to Francis; he’d never tell things about Francis to others. That’s a moral compass upon which we can unerringly rely, and one that is in no way affected by the magnetic changes at either pole.

“The spyglass sticks to the skin above Francis’ eye, as though it wished to force him not to look away.”

This is an amazing take, especially re: the way spyglasses are used to show foresight and the future in this show. Francis is forced to know look at what is coming for them, the future that waits ahead, hungrily salivating for his men.

“James is completely shattered, but he looks luminously beautiful.”

He does, doesn’t he?

01x04 – “Punished As A Boy” (One, Two, and Three)

“Lady Jane’s response is: ‘Fuck you. I know Charles Dickens.’”

Much as I detest Dickens, and much as I have my own problems with Lady Jane, she is never anything less than badass, particularly here.

“Lady Jane, clad in burgundy, ‘the wine-dark sea,’ stands between Francis and Sophia.”

Oh good god that’s it, though? It was through Lady Jane that I first found the Franklin Expedition, oh, four years ago (it feels like four hundred), and the first thing I ever said about the matter was “I’m confident that she knew Greek.” I’ve never been able to prove it, but she writes, in her letters, like someone who reads Greek. Lady Jane is well and truly our Homeric Hera. Brilliant and vengeful and matronly and brutal. I do adore her.

“Of course Goodsir’s never been lashed. He’s a nice man. He’s probably had the opposite of a flogging. People probably throw roses at him when he walks down the street. I know I would.”

I’d be happy to attend this rose-throwing Goodsir-parade. I already have a bad habit of bringing roses to the pseudo-graves of historical men whom I love; we can add Goodsir to the list without too much hassle.

01x05 – “First Shot’s A Winner, Lads” (One, Two, and Three)

“[Re: James and “Your nails are a terror, Mr. Wentzall]…the checking of collars and fingernails is a very maternal duty.”

I love spotting feminine traits in James, but what I’m getting out of this is actually imagining James’s adoptive mother Louisa Coningham examining the fingernails of a very young James. It’s an adorable, if slightly tragic, image.

“Irving doesn’t seem like a hard man, but like a man trying desperately to be hard, and often failing. He should have forgotten about the navy, stayed on land, gone to France and become an early Impressionist painter.”

This fantastic description of Irving makes it even more tragic that he DID try to forget about the navy and stay on land, and it didn’t work. Canon divergence AU where Irving moved to France instead of Australia?

“We’re told, repeatedly, including by Goodsir, himself, that Goodsir isn’t a doctor. It’s a fundamental misunderstanding: people think they know who Goodsir is, or who he wishes to be, but Goodsir has no desire to be anything but what he is. Perhaps appropriately, it’s Hickey who recognizes and names Goodsir (“You’re an anatomist.”) One may say that Hickey ‘reads’ Goodsir. Though, Hickey’s understanding is, as it often is, flawed. He may know what Goodsir is, but he doesn’t know who Goodsir is.”

I very genuinely wonder – did Goodsir want to be thought of as a doctor, by any of them? What were Goodsir’s thoughts and preferences on the matter?

01x06 – “A Mercy” (One, Two, and Three)

“What Sir John left them was a means of dissembling, a facade. Cheer in a cheerless time, which holds the dangerous allure of forgetting.”

This is perfect, because Carnevale, at its center, is “the dangerous allure of forgetting,” in no small part because, structurally, Carnevale fills the role of the Homeric island of the lotus-eaters. (It is also a labyrinth, though, and that’s an interesting doubling.)

“The half masks in the trunk have the semblance of the faces of dead men we’ve seen. The creature has the habit or practice of biting a man’s head in two, or biting off part of the cranium.”

I had never noticed this but it’s entirely true.

“Francis is bracketed by Thomas’, neither one of them a doubter.”

I will SCREAM

“‘I don’t like to hear a woman laughing now.’ I suppose it’s fortunate that Jopson’s professional life allows him to be around men, exclusively. What would Jopson have done later in life? Marriage is obviously out of the question if women’s mirth causes him such distress. Would he have stayed on boats? Francis promotes him to lieutenant, but would that have made him happy? He has a love of, an instinct for caring for others that obviously can’t be transposed onto a marriage, both because of Jopson’s limits and because of Victorian gender roles. The best possible course for Jopson would have been valet, a gentleman’s gentleman. His rank and background would have made him an asset, and no more devoted valet would there have been.”

The fanfic writes itself. (I have nothing to say yet, I just adore this speculation; more below, though.)

“The drop of blood falling from James’ hairline onto the mask’s cheek to make a kind of morbid beauty spot is a gorgeous image, like a piece of decadent poetry.”

I personally find James unbearably beautiful, and the whole extended sequence with the dress and the drinking and the blood dripping is so subtle and lovely and I think, like with poetry, what we get out of it is never simple.

“James is dressed as Britannia. Which makes James mother to them all.”

Though I, selfishly, would have loved to see James in something more scandalous than his Britannia costume, I think it’s symbolically the best possible choice for him. This is an outfit that is technically crossdressing, but it’s very subtle thanks to the choices James makes – we don’t see any dramatic woman’s wig or other feminine elements. This is an outfit that reminds the men of home; reminds James of home, and of his adoptive mother, whose poetry was full to the brim and spilling with Britannia.

“Blanky looks great. I wonder if the visual reference to the Ghost of Christmas Present is intentional.”

I’ve always assumed he was meant to be Bacchus, but of course the Ghost of Christmas Present has more than a little Bacchus in him also. All of these Christmas Carol overlaps are exceedingly interesting – John Ross’s Marley warning Franklin’s Scrooge, and now the Ghost of Blanky Present reminding Crozier that others are – for good or ill – having fun without him.

“One may imagine that Edward has disguised himself as someone who enjoys parties.”

OH GOD.

01x07 – “Horrible From Supper” (One, Two, and Three)

“Hickey can’t move on from humiliation, because he would see that as more humiliation. Keeping the humiliation alive in his mind is the only way to gain some mastery over it. He holds the wound open, so that no one can deny that it’s a wound, that it happened, that it mattered, that he matters, but it means that he can never heal, never be whole. Scurvy.”

The Hickey/Fitzjames parallels are STRONG here. Also, this resonates really well with a conversation I had with a friend about Eleanor Guthrie from Black Sails – she’s unable to move past being hurt and I just can’t fault her for it, even as her stubbornness just hurts her more. And I feel that sympathy for James, too – he’s bottled up so much hurt inside, and it has kept hurting him his entire life. If Hickey didn’t “hold the would open” by, you know, making wounds in other people, literally, I’d probably even feel bad for him.

“There is an emotional and psychological toll, which Francis tries desperately to reduce by keeping the men together, reinforcing the bonds between them, persistently humanizing them.”

The Jopson’s promotion scene warms me on cold nights. That’s all.

“Jopson’s role is the opposite of Lady Silence’s: the fact of her gender alters nothing about it; Jopson’s informs it. Make Jopson female, and he clearly functions as Francis’ wife. If Jopson is male, though, what is he? A paid servant, in the literal sense, but his obvious pleasure at caring for Francis long ago eroded the patina of duty. I think we can safely say that Jopson loves Francis, loves and cares deeply for him. Is invested in Francis’ safety, well-being, happiness. Enjoys the details of his service to Francis, beyond the enjoyment of a job well-done. Add a sexual component, and it becomes a marriage. Leave it out, and the relationship is something else. Drop Jopson into a marriage with a woman, and he becomes a husband. Leave him with Francis, and he remains Francis’ wife.”

This is what I find so fascinating about Jopson – everything about his identity has the potential to be contingent, to change, but as the expedition’s tragedy unfolds, we see all of the possible threads of Jopson’s future cut off, one by one. From the beginning, Jopson can’t be female, and thus can’t serve a wifely role in British society, even though he’s clearly fit for it. We learn that Jopson has some very specific PTSD triggers related to women that might prevent him from ever being married to one, even if he wanted to be. Jopson seems to wish to continue serving Francis in perpetuity, to continue being as close to a wife as Francis will ever have, but Francis, sober, no longer needs the same kind of care that Jopson used to provide, and, eventually, Jopson becomes unable to care for Francis at all, so that Francis has to care for him. Jopson is all change, all tragedy.

“I would like to thank the director, cinematographer, anybody else who may be responsible for that stunning shot of James in profile. James really is beautiful, even, maybe particularly, at this stage of his infirmity. I’ve said it at other times, but there’s something, well, I suppose, romantic about his illness, because he is young, and beautiful, and heroic, so desperate to be loved, and so loved, in the end.”

*sighs* I’m not okay about James.

01x08 – “Terror Camp Clear” (One, Two, and Three)

“I don’t know how I didn’t notice before, but James is a leggy creature.”

I will still treasure the term “a leggy creature” when I am in my grave.

“Sir John was not a top, and I know that for a fact, because I just got Lady Jane on the Ouija board, and she told me.”

I WILL SCREAM.

“[Francis] doesn’t look on James as a sick person in need of careful handling. There’s no sense of the separation necessary for pity between Francis and James. He is this way toward James because he cares about James.”

I know we all joke about the quote “it’s rotten work” / “not to me, not if it’s you,” but this is what that quote has always meant to me (the Anne Carson of it, that is, not the original Greek). Caring for someone via pity, via distance, takes effort, is painful, is rotten, even though it is sometimes worth it. Caring for someone via care, via love may still take effort, and may still even be painful, but there is no separation, no alienation, from the service of providing care. That’s where Francis’s tenderness comes from, I think. That closeness.

“James, you big, beautiful racehorse. Even chapped and cracked, he’s radiantly beautiful. He has such a warm quality.”

In the confessional spirit of this review, I will admit: I find James more attractive than I am capable of expressing. The interesting thing, to me, is that I don’t have the same response at all to Tobias Menzies or to any other character I’ve seen him play. He’s a great actor, certainly, but he doesn’t do it for me. But James does. I’m still puzzling this out.

“James’ bravery is treated somewhat like a woman’s beauty, in that he believes it to be conditional, temporary. It’s dependent on others’ appreciation of it; when he’s alone, James doesn’t feel brave.”

I will say, admitting that it’s probably James’ femininity that is attractive to me gets you a long way toward understanding why I do find him so terribly appealing.

“Oh, please, baby Jesus, don’t let Jopson flip. Jopson’s one of the few things I have left to hang onto, here.”

Jopson will never flip, such that Jopson’s death really is the point of no return, here. He’ll die before he flips. (Notably, it’s important to be clear that by “flip,” I mean turn his loyalties away from Crozier. I have reconciled myself to the idea that, though Jopson is upright and innocent in a way even my James isn’t, he is capable of violence and even unjustified, offensive violence. But only ever in the service of his captain.) And again here, Jopson very well might not be immune to the seduction Hickey’s definitely attempting, but bending to Hickey’s wiles means betraying Crozier, and that’s an impossibility for Jopson.

“Bridgens, who’s a cozy old piece of furniture…”

….and Henry Peglar would like to sit on him. (I get it Henry, I do.)

01x09 – “The C, the C, the Open C” (One, Two, and Three)

“Oh, Bridgens. Where’s Henry? Where did Henry go?”

I think a real triumph of this show is getting you to know, by this point, that when you see Bridgens, you should ALWAYS ask yourself, “Where’s Henry?” Because yeah, “They are each other’s loved one,” and there can’t be either one of them without the other. Bridgens knows this, and makes himself into a memorial for Henry. The only kind of monument Henry Peglar can ever have: Bridgens, with his own body, preserves Peglar’s words for the future, for us. I’m just going to cry for Bridgens and for Peglar for a minute, that’s all. Please excuse me.

“Hartnell watches Bridgens pick up Peglar, Peglar’s arm around Bridgens like, ‘… Wait a minute…’ Hartnell also misses Hickey’s innuendo about Armitage. Tom Hartnell tragically has no gay-dar.”

Oh precious Hartnell. This lack of gay-dar is part of why Hartnell had to get written out of what I’m currently writing (I’m sorry Hartnell! It’s not you it’s me.)

“There’s something of a horrible wooing about it: Goodsir, like an unwilling bride, forcibly taken from his own people by unscrupulous men, installed in as luxurious surroundings as can be had, with his trousseau, for the purpose of catering to an unspeakable hunger. His innocence is taken from him, and he’s turned against himself. His body is stripped naked and consumed.”

(a) What a horrible and horribly accurate description. (b) This is another one of those places where this show is unafraid to place male characters into narrative metaphors of womanhood. For me, the most vivid is always Jopson, but Goodsir is also often made to face this sort of feminine role, and for Goodsir it’s so much more often about violence and shame.

“James says “I’m not Christ,” before he tells Francis to feed the men his body. It seems like something of a non sequitur, until one imagines James’ train of thought. As the impulse to give his body to the men occurred to him, so may have also come a last flicker of self-mockery: “What, James, do you think you’re Christ, now?” So that his announcement that he’s not Christ comes in response to this: he knows who he is, and who he isn’t. Finally, he knows this.”

I think that’s exactly what went through James’s head. And more than that, I think back on that beautiful gif-set that placed James’s “I’m not Christ” beside Francis’s “Like Christ, but with more nails.” Francis, whose self-hatred is clear and undisguised, begins to heal by recognizing what is Christ-like in himself: his suffering, and the compassion that is borne from the suffering. James, whose self-hatred is buried under masks and lies and stories and gilded dresses, begins to heal by admitting what is not Christ-like about him: his mortality, his humanity; and that doesn’t make James any lesser, and James finally, finally begins to see so.

“Can’t Jopson’s story end differently, this time?”

That’s what hurts. In no version of this story that happens with Hickey AND the Tuunbaq AND the inevitable deaths of 129 men, should James die any different, or Goodsir, or Bridgens. If they were going to die, they should do so showing bravery and brotherhood; agency and defiance; commitment and love. There are other men who deserved so much better than the ignoble deaths they got (Irving comes to mind) but Jopson is the warmest light and receives the coldest death. There’s no reason for his story NOT to end differently, except for the sheer narrative cruelty of it all. The Terror is brilliant because it knows to reserve this sort of agony for the worst possible gut-punch. Any more than one, or maybe two, utterly, pointlessly cruel deaths, and we would be immunized. But we have no immunity to prepare us for the dizzying nausea of Jopson’s death.

“The mystery of love is greater than the mystery of death. Death, ultimately, isn’t mysterious. Whatever might happen to one afterwards is immaterial to the living, still bound to this plane of existence. One may fear it, but once it happens, it’s over. Love is a way of life, though. It changes over time. It changes the person who feels it, and the person they feel it for. Both Francis and Jopson were changed by their love for each other. Jopson goes to one mystery still in the grip of the other: it’s Francis he sees, reaches for, cannot touch.”

Jopson’s death is still haunting me. It’s like Tantalus, all that food that would save Jopson’s life, if only he could eat it, and yet he crawls right past, toward Crozier. What does that say about Jopson? The way the world tortures him is to hold Crozier just outside of his reach – what on earth is Jopson being punished for? (These aren’t intelligible thoughts anymore; I’m just broken-hearted for my boy.)

“In a narrative that encourages empathy for everyone and everything from a colonial expedition to a monkey to an eldritch monstrosity that rips men’s heads off, why should Hickey be exempt?”

A beautiful way of putting it. I’m still working through my initial disgust at Hickey, but intellectually, I can’t help but agree.

01x10 – “We Are Gone” (One, Two, and Three)

“…the experience of being through so much with these characters that I care about so much has been like living several lifetimes.”

My mother, who has not yet watched this show, told me recently that she thinks these characters have become my family. In part, this is due to the historical research I’ve been doing on the real men of the Franklin expedition, but the show played its own large role in making me fall in love with these men, making me desperate to live as many lifetimes with them as possible.

“Why does Goodsir do it, though? He seems to have made up his mind before Francis appears, and with Francis comes the hope that Edward will rescue them. If anything, Francis’ presence makes Goodsir more resolute.”

As another dear friend said, Goodsir definitely had the plan in mind before Francis showed up, but the plan needed a trigger: it needed Francis, a good man worth dying for. Someone for Goodsir to look at and say, “Maybe my actions will help this man.”

“I think I just confessed to being in love with a man who doesn’t exist.”

Ahh, this lovely club. Even the men I’m in love with who actually lived two thousand years ago don’t really exist, at least not in the way I love them.

“The Terror is like a play put on by a theater company that has no female actors, so all of the men must play female roles…without any women to place in certain contexts – caretaker; lover; victim; object of desire – those dramas necessarily play out on the bodies of the men.”

Watch this space. The Terror is a classical Greek tragedy, and I can prove it.

The description of Goodsir’s preparation for death is richer and more complete than anything I will ever write. GO READ IT.

I also think it’s fascinating to see this scene through the eyes of a reviewer who readily admits “This is an unusual case. I like Goodsir. I don’t usually like the men I’m looking at. I care for Goodsir.” I confess that, though I also like and care for Goodsir, when I am looking at “eroticized male bodies” in media, I only really “feel at home in a text” when I also like and care for those men. If a male character is too morally objectionable to me, I find no erotic appeal to viewing him, because I am so distracted by my own sense of his evils. I simply cannot find anything to pull me, aesthetically or sexually, to someone like Hickey. (I can never find anything sensually appealing about Hickey/Tozer, for instance.) I am pulled to James, in contrast, because he is beautiful to me visually, and because his life (as far as I can see) shows me a person who cared, who tried, who loved. Who is worthy of my care and trust. And though I don’t think I’m in love with Goodsir in the same way than I am with James, I care deeply for Goodsir and thus can find the appeal in watching him, visually.

“‘There is wonder here.’/ ‘Then, there will be the angels.’ The first thing angels ever tell any human being who beholds them is not to be afraid. Wonder isn’t always delightful, isn’t always something that humans can understand, or possibly, even, survive.”

Fear is something I don’t often enough examine closely with this show, though it is so terribly central. “Be not afraid” and “We have too much fear.” How can one dispel fear? Wonder obviously isn’t enough; wonder might even make it worse. Being told not to fear rarely works out so well for those visited by angels. I think, sometimes, that all we can do is – as Peglar does – admit to those we love that we have too much fear, and hope that they can help us carry it.

I can’t NOT give you the end of the first round of these reviews, because, like the description of Goodsir’s preparations, it’s literature:

“The Terror, a show taking place one hundred, sixty years ago, manages to be timely without even trying. Lead poisoning. Environmental catastrophe. The baggage of colonialism. The treatment of indigenous people by white people. Information and misinformation. What it means to be a leader. What it means to be in a marriage. The role of women in society. Gay marriage. Income inequality. Ethical consumption. Consumerism. Members of the armed forces working far from home. Mental health. Addiction. All of these fit neatly into what can also be taken at face value, a well-constructed and -acted tale of adventure and loss set in a faraway place and time. The Terror never tries to force meaning on the viewer, never struggles under the weight of its lofty aspirations- because it has no aspirations. It’s an utterly guileless production, seeking nothing but to present its characters and situations honestly. In doing such a simple thing, it has created the world.”

And, finally, I leave you with: “I’m not looking for a way out. I just want more time with the characters. I don’t want to leave them.” To me, this gives an answer to David Solway’s question “Do you have a tolerance for ongoing narratives which generally turn out to be the same narrative?” And that answer is “yes.” I think there’s a tolerance – or, even, a hunger – for ongoing narratives that turn out to be the same narrative, in this fandom, because why would anyone want a way out anymore, if it means the end of our time with these characters?

I know I don’t.

“The end of The Terror isn’t a sad end, nor is it a hopeful one. It’s not even properly an end, because we know what comes next. What comes next? Well, we do.”

#thank you op for the reviews #everyone else go read them if you haven't #what an unending gift this show is #a ship is its captain's confessor #long post #the terror #the terror amc #terrorposting

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lenademonn · 3 years

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All This Time - 3

*Summary: Elena used to be closed off and composed, always in control of her feelings and actions. She knew how to survive long before world ended and didn’t need anyone to keep her alive. Because attachments are liability, make you weak especially in this new world where dead are walking and living are more dangerous than before.

A slow burn Daryl Dixon x OC; from season 1 forward, ongoing. Angst, Violence, strong language, sarcastic humour and more.

Warnings: Swearing, some anger managment issues.

Chapter 3

Day 45 The next day was quiet; the silence between Daryl and me uncomfortable. He woke me up a few hours before dusk, which meant that he took the long shift, nothing new in this aspect. He laid down without saying anything after waking me up, and I spend the next few hours watching the area and thinking about our conversation from before. Daryl woke up before I even had a chance to shake him awake. So lack of sleep, that's another thing I can add to my list of what I know about Daryl Dixon. We quickly packed what little we had and started trekking through woods, following the tracks we noticed yesterday. Finding them wasn't that hard, especially not for a brown-haired man. What turned out to be a challenge was picking up a fresh trail. We walked around for good three hours before Daryl crouched down to touch a set of hoof prints when I followed his action I could tell that those tracks were fresher than the one we found previously. Next to me, the man looked around the forest ground and pointed the way he thought we had to go. It took us another hour to finally find the animal, we spotted it standing in the middle of a small clearing, nibbling on grass. Daryl stopped and rose his clenched fist, signaling for me to stay still. I stopped dead in my tracks and slowly took an arrow out of my quiver, and lined it up on my bow and stretched the string. Steading my breathing and not taking my eyes out of our game, I was waiting for Dixon's directions. He also prepped his weapon and was watching the animal intensely. "Three, two, one," His whisper was barely hearable, and once he said 'one', we both released our arrows. His bolt hit the deer in its side while mine pierced its belly. Animal yelped in pain and took off instantly, its steps uneasy. "C'mon!" After hearing Daryl's voice, I moved quickly jogging after the animal, to not lose it in the woods again. I was pretty sure that I nicked some significant organs, and even though it didn't go down, it should bleed out soon enough; in that case, we didn't want to lose sight of it and allow geeks a free lunch. We followed the trace of blood left on the ground and leaves for some time when we heard a piercing scream, and I realized how close to the quarry we actually were. It sounded like one of the women or even one of the kids. Oh God, I hope it's not Carl or Sophia and that it's nothing. I quickly looked at Daryl. "That's coming from the camp, hurry up Dixon," Before he could react, I jogged in the direction we heard screaming. It didn't take us long to approach the edge of the camp. Daryl moved in front of me at some point, shoving me behind him when we heard concoction just in front of us. Advancing slowly, we finally emerged into a clearing, and I could see familiar faces of Shane, T-dog, Dale, and others. They all were pointing some sort of weapon in our direction.

"We surrender?" I joked while Shane put his gun down, mumbling under his nose. Dixon, on the other hand... well, he was pissed. And I wasn't surprised when I realized that on the ground just in front of us was a headless geek and half-eaten deer. Our fucking deer, the same we were tracking since yesterday. "Son of a bitch" Brown-haired man moved from in front me, around the bushes towards the deer. "That's mah deer!" His accent deepening signaling how angry he actually was. "Look at it, all gnawed on by this filthy, disease-bearing, motherless, poxy bastard." With each word, he gave a sharp kick to the geeks' side, letting his aggression go somewhere else than people in front of us. "Calm down, son. That's not helping," Oh Dale. Why would you say it to Dixon? Do you have a death wish? "What do you know, old man. Why don't you take that stupid hat and go back to 'On Golden Pond'. I've been trackin' this deer for miles." He pointed a finger in Dale's general direction and moved on to retrieve his bolt. I coughed as a reminder that I'm still here. "We. We tracked that deer for miles, Dixon!" Saying that I finally made my way to the dead animal and crouched down to get my arrow. "And by the looks of it out of our shots, mine was more deadly, so technically this deer is mine, you asshole!" I quickly stood up and wiped the blood off my arrow with my rug, then I put it back into the quiver and made my way back to the camp. On my way out, I made sure to push Daryl out of my way with my shoulder. Who the hell does he think he is? We've been hunting together for months now, and yes, of course, I may not be as skilled as he is, but for fuck sake, I am not terrible. Ignoring the men, I patted Amy and Andrea on the shoulder while walking past them. "Good that you back safe" I gave them a small smile and made my way towards the camp to find Lori. She stood next to the RV with Carol and a few other women. When she saw me she smiled, but I could tell it was strained, and I started to have a bad feeling. I approached them and took the zip bags with meat out of my backpack, watching people in front of me carefully. "That's all the meat we got, it should be enough for a few days. We got a deer as well, but fucking geek gnawed on it before we could get to it." I passed the bags to Lori and Carol, as they were the best cooks out of us, trust me you don't want me to cook you dinner unless you're willing to be ill after eating it. "Thanks, Elena, it means a lot. Listen--" Lori started playing with her fingers, after putting the meat bags on a small foldable table next to the RV's door. So there was something wrong. "There isn't a good way of saying it. Merle was left behind on that run, and we know that Daryl will be so angry, and he is really unpredictable in that state. Can you try to calm him down when the guys gonna tell him?" She sputtered, and for a second there a thought I misunderstood what she said. Merle left behind. What does it even mean? Before I could ask any more questions, I could hear Daryl shouting for his brother, and I felt so bad for him. And angry with everyone who went for that run, how could you leave someone behind?! I mean yeah, sure Merle Dixon is a colossal dick and dumbass, but that's not the reason to just-- "Merle, get yur ass out here. We got us some squirrel." He smirked in my direction when he noticed me looking at him "Yes, I said 'we', women. Merle!" I really hoped that my face didn't show any emotions because that was just heartbreaking. And I was also slightly concerned for whoever will deliver the news to him. "Daryl, slow up a bit. I need to talk to you." Shane was the one to speak, and behind him, I could see the rest of men with a new face in between them.

"Hey, Amy, who's that guy behind Shane?" I asked the blonde woman who was now standing next to me on my right.

"You won't believe it. That's Lori's husband." The fuck? I looked at browned haired women and then at the new guy and tried to hide my surprised face. This is going to be interesting. Making a mental note to ask Lori all about that, I focused on the conversation in front of me.

"There was a problem in Atlanta" Shane touched his face for a second, showing how uncomfortable he was saying it and then moved his hands to rest on his hips. Daryl looked around and hold my gaze for a second before he took a few steps.

"He dead?"

"We're not sure." After that, Daryl moved towards Shane, his voice getting louder.

"He either is or he ain't."

"No easy way to say this so I'll just say it." I could see this new guy move forward, and towards Daryl, he wasn't looking directly at him at all.

"Who are you?"

"Rick Grimes"

"Rick Grimes, ya got something ya want to tell me?" Oh, I could tell that Daryl is starting to lose his patience. Yeah, I know, he doesn't have a lot of it in the first place.

"Your brother was a danger to us all, so I handcuffed him on a roof, hooked him to a piece of metal. He's still there" When this Rick guy answered, I found myself moving forward too, annoyed at what he was saying. What stopped me was Daryl and his face full of tears when he turned around away from the new guy. He glanced at me for a second before wiping his eyes and then clenched his jaw, turning back to Rick.

"Let me process this. So, ya handcuffed mah brother to a roof, and ya left 'im there?"

"Yeah," Answer was short, and I could hear the shame in the new guy's voice, then with anger on his face, Daryl threw a string of squirrels we caught this morning at Rick Grimes and was ready to beat the shit out of the guy. That was until Shane literally tackled younger Dixon to the ground. Shane quickly stood up while brown-haired men was still lying on the ground, but I could see him reaching for his hunting knife, which was secured on his belt.

"Daryl -" I was cut off by T-Dog, who dropped the logs he was collecting.

"Hey, watch out for the knife!" At this same moment, Daryl got up and swang his arm at Rick, who dodged it. That didn't stop younger Dixon, he moved again, aiming at the men in front of him, but Rick managed to avoid it again and get a hold of Daryl's wrist pushing it away from both of them. Shane sneaked behind Daryl and put him in a headlock. With that, Dixon was shoved to the ground, with Shane's arm still around his neck. In the meantime, Rick pried the knife and dropped on the ground away from the fight.

"You'd best let me go!" Daryl was still struggling and trying to get away.

"Nah, I think it's better if I don't" I rolled my eyes and finally made my way towards the three of them.

"Shane, let him go!" Using my stern 'work' voice, it usually worked well with criminals and kids, mainly with kids.

"Daryl stop struggling, please. Just calm down for a second so we can get a full story out of them." I crouched in front of him and looked into his blue eyes, now full of tears and rage, his chest rising quickly and his fists clenched, one by his side and the other around Shane's arm, trying to ease the hold. He looked at me for a while and nodded, making me smile just a little.

"Shane, let him go! You know I can handle him if necessary." Both of them looked at me now, one unsure of what to do and the other with a look of pain in his eyes, even though it disappeared very quickly. Shane finally let him go, so I took the opportunity to turn toward this Rick guy and T-Dog.

"Great, now can someone tell us what the fuck happened in Atlanta, and how could you leave a man behind?" I put my hands on my hips, face blank, but my eyebrows rose slightly.

"What I did was not on a whim, Ma'am. His brother does not work and play well with others. He beat T-Dog and was shooting from the rooftop, attracting more and more walkers to our location." Daryl and I exchanged a look, he was biting his lower lip, a clear sign of anxiety. Yeah, unfortunately, what this man was saying was sounding precisely like Merle Dixon.

"It's not Rick's fault." That came from T-dog, "I had a key. I dropped it." Now my face was for sure, showing surprise and confusion, but it was Daryl who voiced what I was thinking.

"You couldn't pick it up?"

"I dropped it down the drain" I run my hand over my face trying to compose myself, while Daryl just scoffed in disbelief.

"If it's supposed to make me feel better, it don't." He finally stood up and tried to walk away from the group—T-Dog's voice stopping him in his tracks.

"Maybe this will. I chained the door to the roof so the geeks couldn't get at him with a padlock." I looked up at them, confused.

"Are you saying that Merle is alive?" I asked in a low voice.

"Yeah"

"You fucking idiots. Don't you think that's the kind of information you should start with?!" I nearly shouted in Shane's face, seeing as he was the one to start all this show.

"Hell with all y'all. Just tell me where he is so that I can go get him."

"He'll show you." Lori's voice was calm, but when I turned around to face her, she was anything but. Oh, I see how it is. The first day back and the Grimes family already got problems.

"Yeah, I'm going back."

As I was getting ready in my tent, I tried to not listen to what else people got to say about all that. I re-checked if my knives were secure and put my short sleeve blue flannel shirt over the reins. I checked if my Glock is fully loaded and put it in the holster on my right side. I put some water and granola bars in small backpack Glenn found in Atlanta some time ago.

I took my machete and made my way to the track I knew we gonna be taking. I could see Glenn already sitting in the driver's seat while Daryl was pacing the truck's back. I walked past Rick and T-Dog and put my machete down on the floor of the vehicle. I pushed myself up on my arms and got into the back of the truck, making Daryl stop his pacing.

He looked at me, his blue eyes narrowing "What the hell ya doing here, women?"

I just looked at him calmly and picked up my weapon "What does it look like I'm doing, Dixon? Did you really think that I would let you go without me?" He just scoffed and mumbled under his nose, something about a stupid woman.

"Hey! Don't go breaking my records now! We went all 15 days without you calling me stupid." At that comment, I could see his lips twitch just a little, and then he made his way to the seats at the front of the car and used his foot to pressed a horn.

"Hurry up, y'all!" Rick and T-Dog made their way towards us, the new guy was wearing a sheriffs uniform, I guess he was a cop just like Shane, before all this.

"Ma'am, I don't think it's safe for you to go with us. The city is completely overrun, and it might be dangerous." I let a small laugh escape my lips, the others following my steps, except Daryl, of course. That guy doesn't laugh.

"Rick, this is Elena, we were telling you about her last night." Glenn introduced me, and it got me really interested in what they were telling him about me.

"SSA Elena James, not that it matters anymore. Trust me, I had my experience with the dead already, and yet I'm still here alive." I spun my machete in a circle, careful to not nick Daryl with a blade. After that, we finally were ready to go, Rick taking the passenger side at the front, T-Dog climbing up to sit with younger Dixon and me.

The journey to Atlanta was uneventful, except few snarky comments from Daryl. Glenn finally parked the car, and we all jumped out, making our way to a chained fence, to go through it. The first time I saw the city after that day on a highway and boy let me tell you it was horrible.

The streets were abandoned except for a few geeks - or walkers, as Rick calls them. I could see abandoned cars and here and there we passed burned down buildings, seeing what napalm actually did to Atlanta and how deserted it looked.

It's kind of image you'd only see in a movie, laughing and asking your friends what would you do if apocalypse, of any kind, would hit. And now we fucking living it and it's scary to think about because it seems like humanity lost and what was left of us was in the minority.

"Merle! We ain't even having this conversation." Daryl's gravelly voice pulled me out of my thoughts. It seems as he and Officer Friendly were having a go at each other. Again.

"We are. You know the geography, it's your call" That last part was intended for Glenn, who, in fact, like I mentioned before, is a walking map of Atlanta.

"Merle's closest. The guns would mean doubling back. Merle first." I was so happy when Glenn said it. I didn't know if I could stop Daryl if he'd decide to punch Rick, or I should say I wasn't sure if I was willing to do so. I was pissed too, you don't leave people behind like that, it doesn't matter how fucking annoying they are.

We jogged through the streets for about five minutes before making it to the convenience store they left Merle in. I heard a low growl behind me and T, so I quickly spun on my heel and rose my blade into dead men's eye. He was wearing a suit, now shredded in many places, his stomach ripped open and once-white shirt now deep red and brown from all the blood.

As quickly as I sunk my machete in, I pulled it out, pushing caracas to the ground, making the rest of my group look at me. I gave a quick smile in their direction before advancing to the front, following Daryl through a ransacked shop. He gestured for me to take a right, while he went to the left and we both slowly and quietly moved forward, I heard the swish of Daryl's crossbow and then sound of a body going down. When I rounded the corner, I was met with an arrow pointed straight between my eyes. I used my left hand to gently push it down cocking my eyebrow a little.

"Come on, Dixon, you would be super sad if you'd kill me. Who would make you laugh and complement that sexy body of yours if I'd be gone?" He just rolled his eyes and scowled at me before going in the direction we should be going. I looked at Rick, and he had a weird expression on his face. Like a combination of disbelieve, amusement, and resentment all at this same time.

"Don't worry, Rick," T-Dog said, chuckling. "That's just the relationship they have, she pushes his buttons, and he tries not to kill her."

I sent a sweet smile in their direction and moved after Daryl. We finally made our way up the stairs to where the roof door was. When on the top, Daryl made space for T-Dog to use bolt cutters on a padlock and then kicked the door rushing first to get his brother. We all followed him through a platform to a pipe where Merle supposed to be. Yeah, supposed to be...

"No! No!" Daryl's cries broke me a little, he was pacing, and tears rolled down his face. The handcuffs were still attached to the pipe blood all over them, on the floor bloodied handsaw and... a hand.

Impatient prick cut off his own hand. Fuck.

Next Chapter

#daryl dixon #daryl dixon fanfic #daryl dixon x oc #daryl dixon fanfiction #the walking dead fandom #walkers #daryl fanfiction #the walking dead daryl #slow burn #excessive swearing

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mymarvelbunch · 4 years

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Different Roads... Same Destination: Part Four

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Reader (established). This specific chapter contains a lot of Steve x Peggy! (Also, brief mentions to Steve x Sharon)

Summary: When the Avengers went back in time to get the Infinity Stones, new timelines were created. By not delivering them back to their exact same spots, you and Steve created major changes in those timelines. What happened? (Non-American!Reader)

This is a sequel to “Be Your Own Hero”. I highly recommend you read it first, since it features many major changes in canon that are addressed here.

Notes: Y/N = your (first) name; Y/Co = your home country; Y/Ci = your home city; Y/N/L = your native language (to be ignored in case you speak English).

Masterlist

Part Four

1945

Peggy was, naturally, in denial. It took a lot of time to convince her of his identity, and even then she was only fully convinced when she kissed him. “You kiss the same”, she whispered, pulling away after brief seconds (enough time for him to cup her face).

He had wanted to keep his return a secret at first, but he failed to account for Howard Stark. Soon Captain America was all over the news as ‘coming back from the dead’. Journalists gathered around him to get interviews, and for months he didn’t have a single moment of peace.

It didn’t matter much, not as he and Peggy danced to a newly released song, kissing every time the lyrics told them to.

“Kiss me once, and kiss me twice, and kiss me once again, It’s been a long, long time...”

1947

He and Peggy got married with only Howard, Jarvis and their wives as witnesses. On their honeymoon, he told her all about alternate Steve and showed the small notebook he gave him.

“Sergeant Barnes alive?”, she nearly gasped.

“Kept prisoner by HYDRA, according to this”, he said. “Had been injected by a prototype serum when I rescued him, which enabled him to survive his fall. Makes sense in retrospect.”

She bit her lip. “I guess it’s worth a look, though we can’t do anything useful before we go back to Washington.”

They didn’t wait long after that. Sgt. Barnes was successfully rescued four months later, along with other prisoners. “I’m offended I didn’t get to be your best man, punk”, was the first full sentenced Bucky said after stepping foot on American soil. Steve laughed, and Peggy grinned.

“I hope being our child’s godfather can compensate for it”, she said, placing her hands on her belly. Steve’s attention was suddenly all on her as he hugged her tightly.

Bucky joined SHIELD soon after Howard made him a new arm. “Way prettier than the one HYDRA gave me. More functional too.”

“Of course”, Howard boasted. “Don’t compare me to that shitty corporation.”

Bucky was also very vocal about not letting Zola inside SHIELD, which reminded Steve of another thing written in The Notebook. He would not tell Howard about his alternate self - he didn’t trust the man to keep his mouth shut - but he was able to reason with him.

“Zola belongs either in jail or in a grave”, Peggy spat. Pregnancy made her more prone to anger. The scientist was found dead not much after, and no one ever found out how he died (not that anyone bothered that much).

1970

Bucky got married in 1950 to Angie Martinelli, Peggy’s friend who was Sarah Rogers’ godmother along with him. Their first children (a couple of twins, Peter and Lyra) came to world two years later, a week before Steve and Peggy’s first son, Christopher.

Peggy was still director of SHIELD, Steve slowly fading to the background as its agent. Not that he minded, even though Peggy insisted on his importance as Captain America. “You are a symbol, Steve”, she’d say.

“Captain America is a title”, he’d reply. “It can belong to someone else.”

However, he was only able to pass his mantle when Sarah turned 20 and completed her training. All his four children (Sarah, Chris, Emily and Paul) were born with his serum on their veins, enabling them to follow their father’s steps if they wanted.

Sarah was the only one who did, much to Steve’s relief; he wasn’t looking forward to a family of spies. She officially took the title of Captain America on the week that marked Tony Stark’s birth.

It was another point of his and Peggy’s talks. The Notebook had notes on Howard’s only son; how he had not received enough love from his father, and only relied on his mother (and sometimes his family butler) for support. “If we got named as his godparents, we’ll have a perfect excuse to be in his life”, he told her, and she agreed.

It was a little odd, the time it took for Howard and Maria to have a child. By the time Tony was born, the only reason they weren’t grandparents yet was the fact that Sarah didn’t want to get married.

Meanwhile, Christopher and Emily were engaged to each of Bucky’s twins. “Reminds me of when the entire 107th though you and I were fucking”, his best friend said, laughing like it was the best joke he had ever heard.

Peggy didn’t help any. “You mean that you were ‘fondueing’?”, she asked while taking a sip of tea, like the British woman she was. Steve just groaned.

1976

Peggy’s sister-in-law (who was ten years younger than her husband) gave birth to her youngest child on the same month she and Steve became grandparents. Sharon Carter was mentioned in The Notebook, but in passing; he missed it on his first reading.

“Agent 13″, he read aloud to Peggy. She already had a few white hair locks, and the difference between their aging speed was visible (though he was sure he saw a white strand on the previous week). “I suppose this means she worked for SHIELD in the other timeline.”

“It might not be the case now”, his wife replied softly. “This is Sharon who had another uncle. She probably saw you looking less than 30.” A chuckle. “Who knows, this other Steve might have even dated her.”

“Absolutely not, she’s my niece.”

“She isn’t the other Steve’s.”

A loud groan was heard. “I really don’t want to imagine it, Peggy. We’re talking about a baby. A baby who’s our grandson’s age.”

The amount of teasing Steve endured at that very moment could not be properly translated into words. You were no help, busy as you were laughing.

“Aw, I wish she was here to watch this”, Sam said. “Why didn’t you invite her, Scott?”

“I... don’t know her?”

“Where is she, by the way?”, Natasha wondered. You glanced at Steve, who huffed.

“I kiss her one time, and now I’m supposed to know all her whereabouts?” When you didn’t answer, just kept staring, he sighed. “I’ve heard she moved to California.”

“See? That wasn’t so hard.”

“I clearly have a type: women who can kick my ass and laugh at my expense.”

“I can’t kick your ass, not without Mjölnir, or Stormbreaker.”

“The mere fact that you can wield them already enables you to kick my ass.”

“Stop arguing before it gets kinky!”, Tony shouted. You two laughed.

1991

Taking down KGB was not an easy task. Without HYDRA, the Soviets invested more on their national espionage division.

However, it got easier with the fall of Soviet Union. Following her father’s instructions, Sarah rescued many little girls training to be spies. One of them was to be brought to US, if she consented to it.

Natalia Romanova, a 7-year-old girl with dreams of becoming a ballerina, is adopted by the Starks. Tony, a 21-year-old adult, happily welcomes his little sister into the family.

“There’s someone else for us to look after”, he mentioned to Peggy. His hair was fully white now, and his ‘Adonis muscles’ had started to fade off, but he was still more energetic than most 73-year olds.

“There are many names, actually”, Peggy replied. She had just retired from SHIELD, after turning 70. She wasn’t as ‘preserved’ as her husband, but still looked younger than her age. “We only crossed Bucky’s, Tony’s and Natasha’s. There is still a lot of work to do if we are going to follow your notebook, and so far it seems to be the right thing to do.”

However, right after they took Clint Barton from the circus and had Emily adopt him too, they took a pause to mourn their youngest son.

In 1979, Paul told his parents he was gay. Although surprised, they simply told him that they’d always love and support him. He and Sarah moved out of their parents’ home and lived together, since neither of them would marry. In 1990, however, he was diagnosed with AIDS after he started coughing blood. It left the whole family terrified; Paul himself had been telling them about his other gay/bi friends who had been taken away due to that horrible disease.

Two years later, he died at home, holding his sister’s hand and gasping for breath.

Was it okay to cry for a son you never had? Because tears were falling down Steve’s cheeks for Paul. You kissed his cheek and embraced him tighter, but didn’t say a word. You tried to imagine yourself in Peggy’s place. Steve might have already been prepared for the possibility of outliving his offspring; after all, no one knew how long he’d live with the serum in his blood. But Peggy was like you, a normal human. At the age of 70 especially, she would never think she’d outlive one of her children, let alone her youngest.

You had studied a bit about the AIDS pandemic at college, but no reading would do justice to the pain you could see in the faces of those alternate versions of your friends and their beloved ones.

1995

By the time Carol Danvers showed on SHIELD’s radar, Sarah Rogers had already passed the Captain America mantle to her 15-year-old nephew John. “It’ll be temporary”, he warned, “until any of my siblings or cousins is ready to take it.”

Still, he was there to watch over Carol and rescue her from the Kree who tried to kidnap her. He took her to her best friend, and he could swear he saw his deceased uncle when Danvers and Rambeau smiled and embraced each other.

Ten years later, he’d pass the mantle to his young brother James as he and Monica Rambeau had their first child.

2008

Tony was still kidnapped in Afghanistan and still became Iron Man, his parents long gone (Howard had a heart attack in 1993 and Maria had a stroke in 1998). Looking back, he blamed himself for not listening to Aunt Peggy and Uncle Steve; they had always told him to shut down the weapons department of Stark Industries (but how could he? He had a duty to SHIELD).

This time, however, he had more than just Pepper, Rhodey and Happy for support. Natasha soon realized Obadiah Stane’s true intentions and unmasked him before he could do any real damage. Tony’s little sister got an iron suit of her own in her 24th birthday.

Clint and Natasha still joined SHIELD, but with no red on their ledger to wipe out. Hank Pym still recruited Scott Lang, but years in advance, thanks to a ‘casual tip’ Peggy Carter gave him (he never left SHIELD or Stark Industries in this one). His daughter would eventually get a suit of her own, though hers would take more time.

Sam was recruited to SHIELD too, shortly after losing Riley. His new job gave him a purpose, and he was happy.

Banner never turned into the Hulk, not when he had Steve to talk him out of replicate his serum. “This is no blessing”, he told him. “Just look at mine and Bucky’s kids. Why do you think they married within our inner circle? Why do you think John married a woman who lived with a super-powered step-mom? None of us really fit in, we’re outsiders. You don’t want that.”

So, when Loki arrived with the Chitauri army, a slightly different team defeated him. James Rogers was barely 18, too young to lead, but Tony had grown up with Steve as his godfather and Sarah as his ‘cousin’ and knew how to do it. Iron Man, Iron Scarlet (there was no Black Widow alias for Natasha to adopt), Captain America (fourth of his name, as people called him), Hawkeye, Thor, Captain Marvel and Ant-Man teamed up rather easily. (A couple years later, War Machine, Falcon and the Wasp would join the team.)

With no HYDRA, there is no Scarlet Witch, no Quicksilver. Tony is a different man here, not blinded by trauma and fear, and there is no Ultron either. T’Chaka is never killed, but this time, Wakanda is visited by the Avengers and the three former Captain Americas. Their borders are opened without a civil war, and eventually Shuri is the one added to the Avengers line-up (not in a Black Panther suit, of course; it’d be disrespectful).

Peggy passes away in her sleep in 2016. Steve is still strong enough to carry her coffin, with Bucky by his side and their sons behind them. “Did that notebook tell you that?”, his best friend asked after they left the cemetery.

“No. The notes end on ‘Thanos’ and ‘Infinity Stones’. I’m not sure what any of these mean.”

“You should pass it on to the Avengers. It’s past our time to help, punk.”

It was true. Both of them lost most of their built-up appearance, and truly looked like old men. Their third great-grandkid had just been born, and now both were widowers (Angie had died a year before Peggy, in a hospital, after fracturing her left femur). A week later, they moved to an apartment Tony bought for them, near the Avengers Tower. Steve gave the Notebook to James and retired for good.

2018

In the end, no warning prepared them for the Decimation. In their defense, Thanos didn’t really invade Earth this time. Ebony Maw showed up to get the Time Stone and, like in the original timeline, the battle was taken to space.

The heartbreak over losing so many of his family, so suddenly, not to mention his best friend, was too much for Steve. A huge service was made for the first Captain America, and small, intimate funeral was made for the man under the helmet and uniform.

Some things don’t change, though. Three years later, you still show up at the Avengers compound with an idea to reverse things. Time travel was still figured out, and they brought everyone back without any major casualties. You still fell in love with Captain America, and he with you. It was just a different person wearing the mantle.

Bucky died less than a year later. His last words were “till the end of the line, pal”.

It was odd to see a timeline where you never met Steve. “Honestly, it was better this way”, he commented when you pointed that out. “I really don’t want to see if we’re meant to be when I’m over 100 years old. I’ll gladly let this version of you be with my grandson instead.”

“He looks better than you, punk”, Bucky added. “Must be the addition of Peggy’s genes and mine.”

“Your alternate wife also helped”, Natasha agreed.

They laughed. “That was the last one”, Strange said after they stopped laughing. “I’m not doing this again.”

You smiled anyway. “Thank you, Strange. It was fun to watch, especially among friends.”

He nodded and gave you a tiny smile in return.

We’re nearly finished! All that’s left is the epilogue. I plan on writing it to be cute <3

#Steve Rogers #steve rogers fanfiction #steve rogers imagine #steve rogers x reader #steve rogers x you #steve rogers x y/n #marvel imagine #peggy carter #steggy

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justjessame · 4 years

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The Deal Chapter 20

Daryl returns with bad news. Zach didn’t make it. He kisses my forehead and goes to tell Beth the news. After doing this painful duty, he finds me in our quiet space, Dad had come in from a long walk looking almost as upset as seeing Lori’s ghost had once made him and asked to take Judith earlier than usual. Seeing Daryl’s face, I give silent thanks to my dad.

Opening my arms, he steps into them, and I hold him as he tells me that Beth’s reaction wasn’t what he expected. That one of our most innocent people, barely shrugged at the news that her boyfriend died. I tried to explain to him, to make him understand why he shouldn’t worry, not about her or anyone else’s reactions to this common news.

“She’s already lost so much, Daryl.” I whisper into his chest, as his head is buried in the top of my hair. “She’s growing used to it, guarding her heart, because she’s terrified of falling apart.” I’m explaining Beth, but I realize I could be describing every single person in the prison. “You can’t let this make you so upset.” I pull away, forcing him to look into my face. “It wasn’t your fault. It’s never really anyone’s fault, Daryl, some people just aren’t meant for this world.” And for once, I wonder, if I’m one of them.

I realized, far too late, at how complacent I’d become in our new home. I took for granted that our life was finally stable and safe. I didn’t appreciate how truly fucked up the gods must be to unleash this fucking plague on us. And for that reason, I didn’t have any idea that danger was circling us like a fever about to break out.

Not long after calming Daryl after he’d broken the news to Beth about Zach, hell found its way inside our new home. It started with a whimper, but it ended with a bang.

At first, it was a normal kind of issue. Walkers had overrun part of the prison. That had happened before, it was expected. What wasn’t expected was finding out that these walkers were OUR people. That they hadn’t been bitten in most cases, which meant they died some other way, and in one case the man had been LOCKED in his cell. It was a personal precaution he took due to sleepwalking.

I watched, holding Judith well away from the killed walkers, as Dad, Hershel, Dr. Caleb, Daryl, and Bob inspected a body. And when Dad looked up and his eyes met mine, I knew deep in my gut that something was horribly wrong.

By the time I was processing what was happening, I was in quarantine with Judith and the other most vulnerable. Elderly, children, and of course, me the mediator. Beth was with me, and so I had SOMEONE I could fully count on to help me. But the news wasn’t great, when it leaked in. A flu that was either transmitted through the very pigs that Dad and Carl had built a pen for, piled up walkers weakening the fence, an illness that raged so hard that death seemed inevitable for any who caught it.

I missed a lot simply by being kept far away. Even when Carl was added to our group, another helper, but no more knowledgeable about what was happening outside our sight and hearing than me. Dad visited, of course, but he couldn’t or wouldn’t share much.

There was a run. For antibiotics, and I knew Daryl would go. But there wasn’t a goodbye, there wasn’t time. Dad mentioned that Carol was gone, but wouldn’t meet my eyes to explain. And he kept from me the names of the sick, and the names of the dead. He’d bring food, but no news, and for that reason I didn’t look forward to his visits. I didn’t know if or when Daryl returned.

I heard gunfire. I heard screams. Still no news.

And then, as abruptly as we’d been caged away from everything, we were out. Dad and Daryl were acting tense around one another. Tyrese was angry and had signs of a fight on his face. But still, no one told me anything.

I did learn of the dead. Dr. Caleb gone. Karen, the woman that Tyrese was with, gone. David, a man I’d barely gotten to know, gone. And the ones that I hadn’t had the time to get to know at all, names that I couldn’t put face to a name. So many people were gone.

And I felt hope at the survivors. Glenn, Lizzie, Sasha, Hershel names that I could say and know that they’d come through the other side. That there was a bright light in the darkness.

Until the very building shook with the first salvo of the Governor’s return.

I wish I could tell you that I heard my dad give his speech to good ol’ Phil, but I didn’t. I was trying desperately to keep the promise I’d made to myself to keep Judith safe and innocent. I tried to get her onto the bus filled with the most vulnerable. And I really wanted to ignore Mika and Lizzie’s argument about whether they should help with the fight or not, but I couldn’t. Weren’t they as innocent as Judith? Shouldn’t they be kept safe?

And that’s why, when our entire world crumbled around us, I found myself with Tyrese, Lizzie, and Mika. Holding tight to Judith, so thankful for the bag filled with her needs, and yet completely separated from the rest of my family.

Trekking through unknown territory with an infant, two young girls, and a very angry man isn’t all that enjoyable. Now add in the complete and utter fear and pain I felt in not knowing if Dad made it out to safety. If Carl was alive and well. If Daryl, God please, if Daryl had survived.

Also add in the eternal optimism that Lizzie had for walkers and their place in our world. The unnatural empathy she felt for these diseased and mindless beings that were the first signs that our world was fucked. Keeping her safe, while also watching Mika flinch at every danger, while juggling Tyrese’s attempts to hide the grief that was clearly eating away at him, and keeping Judith safe became a cakewalk in comparison.

He and I found ourselves fighting walkers who were attracted by screams from one. We had to explain to the other that it wasn’t fine to keep them alive, even if they seemed benign. The night watch became a battle of wills between Tyrese and I. He would insist that I needed rest, since I was shouldering Judith’s care, and I would fight back with the reality that he was our strongest warrior and his rest was paramount.

I never voiced the real reasons I couldn’t stand to rest. I didn’t trust Lizzie. I’d come back after battling a group of walkers with Tyrese to find her and Mika back to back as he’d instructed, but her hand so tight over Judith’s mouth that my sister was changing colors. There was this flash in her eyes, this moment where I truly feared her. A little girl. And I was scared of her.

The one I think Tyrese would have understood was the one that I didn’t want to share. I couldn’t voice my fears about Dad, Carl, and Daryl. If I spoke it out loud. If I gave in and said that they could be- Then I was terrified that I’d make it real. But in the same vein, I couldn’t say that they were safe. I couldn’t jinx the possibility that they were fine. That we’d find them again. I couldn’t chance it.

And so, we’d have a standoff. And we’d both end up awake and watching.

Carol found us. She’d tracked us, and while I was burning to know why she’d gone. What had happened that she wasn’t there when we needed her most? There was a flicker in the look she shot me that made me scared to know.

“Wow,” I said instead, smiling at her appearance. “Looks like you had a good tracking teacher.” It hurt, thinking about Daryl. About how he’d taught me as well. But I had to say something, had to show her I was happy to see her.

She wrapped me in her arms, Judith squished between us, as she kissed my temple. “He certainly is.” She pulled back and I saw it, the question. Had he made it? Or was he not here with me because he didn’t?

I shook my head, “I don’t know.” It was all I could say, because I said it through the lump that was lodged in my throat.

She patted my arm and we carried on along our path. Her and Tyrese talked about the signs we kept seeing mentioning a place called “Terminus”. How far they imagined it would be? How long would it take to get there? I walked along, bringing up the rear, with Judith in my arms. I didn’t really care where we ended up. As long as I could focus on Judith and her needs, nothing else mattered. Not now.

We found a small house situated in a pecan grove and decided to give it a try for now. While Carol and Tyrese cleared the house, I took Judith around the perimeter for my own clearance. A gunshot made me run back to the front of the house. Mika had taken down a walker. Little Mika, so soft and sweet, had done the necessary when push came to shove.

Carol and I, while setting up the house for our stay, talk about the two girls. She tells me that Mika may be too soft and sweet to survive, but she also says that Lizzie may be too unstable.

“She’s different,” I say, bouncing Judith in my arms as Carol bakes. And then, Carol is gone, rushing outside.

Lizzie had been playing tag with a walker. She’d had a fit when Carol killed it. She really does think they’re still people, that they’re misunderstood. That it isn’t a fate worse than death to become one. A chill runs up my spine at the mere thought of this child staying near me and Judith. Near weapons that we have on hand. And so, for another night, I lose sleep.

Am I surprised that Mika and Lizzie are dead? No. I wish I could say I was, but I’m not. Carol had insisted that I come with her and Tyrese on the hunt, assuring me that Lizzie understood. That Mika would keep her in line. And we returned to a bloody and dead Mika with Lizzie standing over her, and a gleam in her eye. I ignored her and rushed to Judith who was sitting on a blanket nearby. I knew, before she said the words, that my little sister would have been joining Mika had we not come back when we did. And I knew, watching Carol look at the carnage, that Lizzie wouldn’t live for much longer either.

I listened to Carol and Tyrese that night, before Lizzie was sent to play with her little sister forever, talking about the prison. The rats and rabbits that he’d found proving someone had fed the walkers that piled up on the fence. He even speculated that Lizzie, the obvious culprit, was probably to blame for Karen and David. And I learned, as Carol explained the situation, just why she’d disappeared from the prison. Why Daryl and Dad had been tense around one another in those final moments at the prison. Carol had ended it, thinking that killing the sick would end the illness. And as they made a version of peace, I knew that Dad had exiled her. For the good of our group.

The house in the pecan grove lay abandoned. As safe as the prison we’d fled now. And with it behind us, and the unknown promise of a place called Terminus, we walked on.

#daryl dixon x ofc #eventual negan x ofc #mention of smut #angst #rick grimes daughter #alternative universe #The Walking Dead #mental illness

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crampdown · 4 years

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Spacial Distancing Tag

I got tagged by @thespiritofvexation and @dabirdbowie (thaaaanks >w<)

Are you staying home from work/school?

Art School’s been closed since March 15th so yes. We’ve switched -more or less successfully- to online classes. Our final’s deadline has been delayed as well so at least I’ll have more time to work on it (art block’s still a bitch but eh...I’ll manage somehow)

If you’re staying home, who’s with you?

I’m with my family right now. My parents urged me to come home so I wouldn’t have to spend quarantine in my cramped little student’s flat. I literally took the last train home before they closed the borders (an experience I hope I’ll never have to endure again because being stuck for three hours in a nearly empty station in the dead of the night with no conductor or other train crew members in sight only a few other equally confused and frigtened passengers and not knowing wether the train would even leave or get canceled last minute due an earlier closed border has way too much “midnight ghost train” horror film vibes for my taste. Man what a sentence, pardon my rambling ...it’s just I’ve realized how much I needed to talk about it )

Who would be your ideal quarantine mate?

While I do miss my fellow art buddies, my partner in crime and my old friends (who I can’t even meet even though I’m back in me hometown) I think staying at my parent’s is for the best. We’re just used to each other’s habits and stuff...

Are you a homebody?

Normally I’d have little problem staying inside and stuff but now the weather is getting better and there are so many things I wish I’d be able to do. At least I can still go for little walks in the fields (probs to countryside village home...you win this round you lame ass Kaff)

Any event you were looking forward that got cancelled?

Well I...I had tickets for A Saucerful Of Secrets and Patti Smith, also a Comic Convention. I am of course a responsible adult and a serious student so I only cried for like five days.

What movies have you watched recently?

No movies but I’ve always been a sucker for documentaries (especially history, mystery, crime and so on...). Due to research for my comic project I watched lots and lots of videos and shows about diseases for at least half a year now (yeah the irony of the situation is punching me in the face quite nicely...that wasn’t the plan...is this karma? F).

What shows are you watching?

Cowboy Bebop, Carole And Tuesday, JJBA, Monster, Eizouken...haven’t watched that many shows in years...

What are you reading?

Oh no here we go again cause my current lectures looks like some deranged pandemic paranoid’s book list. Please believe me when I tell you I’ve purchased them all long before this whole mess started for my cOmiC boOk rEseArCh: “The Plague” by Albert Camus, “The Plague Dogs” by Richard Adams, “Pale Rider” by Laura Spinney and a nonfiction work on diseases in general. Also Pete Townsend’s autobiography “Who I Am” inbetween to cool down. I am however sad that I had to leave the majority of my novels and comic book collection back in my student flat. Well at least I’ve managed to take a volume of “Eno And Plum” and “Milk And Cheese” with me (I..I love these 90s indie comics ;w;)

What music are you listening to?

Nothing better than some good ol’ Blues in these daring times full of self pity and regret. Nah, but seriously I’m listening to a Robert Johnson sampler because I bought it on one of the last vinyl flea markets last month before every event had to get canceled. Also Supertramp because reasons.

What are you doing for selfcare?

Discord with my friends (we’re living on Cards Against Humanity, Hungergames Simulator and Ask Games :D), I’ve also been doing my workout routine again (dancing to my favourite songs included cause it really helps). And then I also draw everyone’s favourite virus as the annoying punk ass jerk they are...because I’m petty like that (it helps ._.)

Oh and of course this site here...

I’m gonna tag @raptorcat1960 @catfacedcryptid (If you’re up to) and anyone else who wants to :)

(stay safe everybody! <3)

#I'm trying not to sound too frustrated but well...#according to the news it's only getting worse #tag game

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sheppardgrossman1-blog · 5 years

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The Detox Diet plan

The climbing varieties of celebrities that have actually proclaimed the merits of the detoxification diet plan have actually absolutely enhanced the public's passion to the said diet program. Stunning stars such as Carol Volderman as well as Kim Wilde have absolutely contributed to the climbing popularity of cleansing diets and also shifted the limelight from the various other equally preferred diet courses. Amongst the warranties of the detox diet regimen program is shedding a couple of pounds in simply 10 days, enhancing skin disease, eliminating bloating and also beating cellulite properly. weight loss that besides endorsements from top celebrities, people are making a quick adjustment from their old diet regimen programs to the new detoxification diet regimen system. Strong advocates of the detox diet plan case that because of the worrying quantity of poisonous waste our body take in day-to-day, there is a more pressing requirement to integrate cleansing procedures as part of our lifestyle. Build-up of toxic waste products in our body can set off a lot of health difficulties that consists of exhaustion, bloating, decreased resistance, pains and pains. With the cleansing diet, an individual can absolutely have a reliable remedy to the overloaded hazardous residues in their body. Under than the detoxification diet regimen program, a person is encouraged to eat more fruits and also raw veggies and also general evasion of meat products, wheat, caffeine as well as alcohol, refined foods, and dairy products. In addition to the detoxification diet plan, there are a great deal of holistic detoxing programs that abound today such as saunas, body massage therapies, acupuncture as well as acupressure treatments. Yet what is truly the genuine score behind all the media buzz? According to health experts there are no clinical evidence that can straight show that our bodies would require additional assistance to eliminate the dangerous contaminants. Each of us have are gifted with body organs of eliminations, such as the kidney to efficiently clear out the wastes of the body every day. Besides this, experts have actually encouraged that the detoxification diet plan programs need to not be embarked on for prolonged periods of time since it falls short from the day-to-day suggested dietary demand for every person. Calcium is especially missing in many detox diet programs, which means individuals under the detoxification diet plan are really in danger of possible calcium shortage ailments such as weakening of bones and also fragile teeth. However, it is an establish reality that under the detox diet program, a person will most definitely lose a few pounds. This is primarily because of the accuracy that mostly all major food groups are virtually omitted from the dietary program. The most effective point to do is not to fully adjust the detox diet plan. You can possibly undergo through a cleansing for a couple of days to cleanse you system on a regular monthly basis. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tqUtzxSbamo

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littledenning · 6 years

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Unhinged: Part Two

As requested by a few of you, here is part two! Thank you for all your feeeback on the first part, if you see anything that seems inaccurate or if you want anything included - let me know! Enjoy :)

***

You felt on edge for the rest of the week.

It was ridiculous, as though you had contracted some sort of nervous disease, constantly watching over your back and eyes never resting. It’s like you could already feel the dirty shiv in your back, just waiting for the moment one of them got you alone. You tended to stay with the other C.O’s more, feeling a lot safer when you at least had back up.

Carol acted like you didn’t even exist. It was almost irritating, the way her eyes would do one of her routine scans and she’d completely skip over you as though you wasn’t even there. Most of you was grateful of course, she was a fucking murderer for crying out loud, what business did you have with her. Most of you was angry that you hadn’t shoved her away that night, marched her back to her cell and regained your dignity. Most of you was being rational.

But of course there was that tiny part of you that had lay dormant for so long, a horrible whispering voice that reminded you how it felt to have her so close to you, feel her breath on your cheek, those eyes flickering over your face. That tiny part of you that almost wanted her to press closer, until you could just reach out and touch-

That part was minuscule in the grand scheme of things. So why was it the loudest?

You were snapped out of your thoughts at the broken sound of your talkie, one of the C.O’s calling you into the bubble. You gathered in there with a few of the other guards, smiling politely at Franks when he beamed at you from one side of the room. The guard who initially showed you round stood in front of you all, arms folded across his chest with an object on the table in front of him.

Your eyes widened as you looked at the rusty shiv, small but could clearly carry out a lot of damage.

“This was found in one of the inmates pants in the shower search this morning. Thankfully Franks over here seized it off her before anyone could get seriously hurt,” he gestured to the guard next to him with a large hand, before looking at all of you.

“I’m not an idiot. We’re not like them out there, we know exactly how they work. You think there isn’t hundreds of these things in this place? You think someone hasn’t been shivved before, huh?” You swallowed roughly as he spoke, “I don’t give a shit if they slit each other’s god damn throats in the yard but what I do care about is if one of us goes down with them. Because that means paperwork, that means mess and I don’t like mess.”

You almost scoffed at his words. It begun to sound like he actually gave a shit about the inmates welfare, like this place did actually contain humans not animals. He heard the low noise in your throat and looked at you directly.

“Williams. You can conduct the search,” he smirked and you cast your eyes down, nodding. “I want their bunks turned upside down, I want their rooms ripped to shreds if need be, if they wanna act like the criminals they are then we’ll treat them like it. Any contraband found, even a damn piece of gum, I want that inmate thrown in Ad Seg immediately.”

You followed the other guards, pausing when he called out once more. “Williams? Start with Denning.”

Shit.

***

“Inmates, hands flat against the wall, it’s search time!” Franks yelled out, before walking beside you, a subtle grin on his face. “Can’t believe you got Denning, I bet she’s got shit loads in her bunk. May as well cart her off to Ad Seg now.” He nodded at you as he went into one of the rooms, and you watched him go, eager to delay this as much as possible.

You reached her room and took a deep breath before walking in, breath releasing suddenly as you meet eyes with her. She stands with her palms flat against the wall, lollipop tucked in her cheek and a bored expression on her face. You regard her silently before heading over to her drawers first, pulling open the top one.

There’s wasn’t much in there, aside from an extra white undershirt and some underwear. You hated the blush you could feel on your cheeks as she watched you intently, smirk twisting her mouth.

“Bet you have nicer ones than that, huh?” You looked over at her, flush deepening. “Got you pegged as a lace girl,” her voice rumbled, sliding over your skin and you tried to stop the shiver that traveled down your spine. You chose to ignore her, opening the next drawer and shuffling a few objects out of the way before your fingers touched something shiny and glossy.

You pulled out the Playgirl magazines and she didn’t break eye contact as you held them in your hands, staring at them. Was she straight? Jesus she had just admitted that she thought about you in panties, and yet she was looking at a collection of magazines with nude men. You felt awkward as you took in the pictures yet unable to look away.

You wasn’t a prude. You had just always been awkward when it came to bedroom activities, something you struggled to talk about aloud. It wasn’t that you didn’t like sex, it was just a subject that wasn’t popular in your house growing up - your parents often shyed away from the topic as a whole so you was left curious and confused all at the same time.

Yet as you looked over at Carol you could feel that tug in your stomach, that urge for her to just reach out and pin you against the wall, reach her hand into your-

“Don’t cream over my magazines there, girl. I don’t wanna be drying Burt out over the wall later.” There was a low chuckle in her voice and your face was practically on fire at this point as you threw the magazines back in, not caring if they were contraband or not. You slammed the drawer shut and her smirk grew into a full on grin, front teeth settling on her bottom lip as she took you in like a predator looking at their prey.

You rushed over to her bed, throwing back the covers in a hurry to complete your search and as you lifted her pillow you found a small collection of jawbreakers, a few of many you were sure. You turned to her, holding them in your hand and speaking.

“These are contraband. I should be marching you to seg right now,” you spoke fairly confidently for once, fingers holding tightly onto the sweets. You couldn’t help but think of them rolling around her mouth, thoughts drifting so much that you didn’t notice her moving. She stood in front of you, lollipop stick dangling elegantly between her lips as she regard you.

“Well technically, if they somehow happened to just not be seen, then you haven’t got anything to put me in seg for? Because trust me, that’s not how I was planning on spending the next few days, you see?” She proceeded to crack the lollipop in her mouth, chewing it and swallowing before taking the stick and placing it in her pocket. She took one of the jawbreakers from you, fingertips brushing along your palm as she lifted it and placed it into her mouth, pushing it into the side of her cheek.

She then lifted her hand, the same one that had been near her mouth literally seconds before and gripped your jaw between her thumb and forefingers, applying pressure harshly. “Open up,” she ordered, eyebrows furrowing as though she was suddenly angry, and you hurriedly opened your mouth. She took another jawbreaker from your hand with her free hand, placed it in your mouth then watched as you closed it, the burst of flavour making you blink rapidly a few times.

And there you both stood, her hand on your jaw sliding down until her fingers rested at the base of your throat, not quite squeezing but there was a pressure there all the same. Her other hand landed on your hip and she watched thoroughly as you sucked on the sweet, trying to get it small enough that you could crunch it and swallow it. Who knows what would happen if you sauntered out of Carol Dennings bunk with one of her infamous sweets rolling around your mouth.

The sound of the crack startled you when you bit down onto the sweet, as it broke down into shards on your tongue. You swallowed it down quickly and loudly, the sound resonating between you both. She kept hers in the corner of her mouth, looking at you with a a fierce stare before speaking.

“Good girl, ain’t ya? Now get that pretty arse of yours out of her, tell the guards that we’re all clear and maybe I won’t ram a jawbreaker down your throat next time I see you.” Your heart jumped at that as she stepped away from you, arms crossing as you headed to the door. “Williams?” You looked over your shoulder, pausing as she grinned at you.

“I really hope you’re a lace girl.”

You blushed and hurried out of the room.

#young carol #carol x reader #carol denning #carol denning imagine #oitnb #oitnb season 6 #barb denning

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cecesxwickedxocsx · 3 years

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December 4th — “Tis the season to be gay.”

When living with roommates, Ryan came to discover, Holidays were where it got interesting. Where His parents sent him a plane ticket to come home, he knew not all of them were going to end up going home to their families.

It actually made him kind of wish he wasn’t going to be going. He had said as much to Kyler, but he wasn’t sure if the guy had even been listening to him at the time. It was pretty terrible, and he knew it, to be upset that his family cared enough about him to pay to fly him to New Mexico for the holiday but, he knew that things were going to be wild and fun here in New York and he kind of… wanted to fake sick so that he could stay.

He hadn’t been at the diner long enough to get any kind of vacation time, which meant he was just going to have to go without pay, his boss did promise him that his job would still be there when he came back. However, his boss also scheduled him for the day before he was leaving, which sucked.

It was going on Midnight as he walked home, it was a perfect winter night, the snow was falling, a light blanket over everything. Of course it was New York, so the streets weren’t dead even at this hour. There were people all around him, Christmas cheer was in the air. It really was perfect. This was what Ryan wanted for the rest of his life. Juilliard might not have been for him, but New York definitely was. He thought about the gifts he had under the tree for his friends, he hoped they were still up he wanted to give them their gifts tonight because tomorrow they were going to all probably still be asleep when he had to leave.

He climbed the million steps up to the apartment and pushed the door open, his eyes widening in surprise.

“Ryan’s here!” Ileana cheered, She was standing on the couch, reindeer antlers sticking up from her hair, her nose painted red, at first glance she looked naked, nothing but a red and green feather boa, but she was wearing a light brown bodysuit that matched her skintone.

“Ryan’s here!” Jamie came bounding out of the kitchen area holding a christmas bag. “Here, go change.” He held it out to him and Ryan took it. Jame was wearing a pair of red and white striped onesie PJs but he didn’t have the top half on, it was just hanging off behind him.

“Merry Christmas, Evans.” Demaris came strutting into the room and strutting was the only word for it, she wore a tiny red and white ‘Mrs Claus’ looking teddy and heels Ryan had only before seen on strippers and drag queens. A look around the room revealed both Kyler, dressed as Mr Claus in a pair of bright red booty shorts and a beard hanging around his neck, and Dante, wearing green booty shorts, that matched Kyler’s but he had christmas lights wrapped around his waist, twinkling and a gold star painted on his chest.

“Oh god what did you get me?” Ryan was almost afraid to look.

“You’ll love it.” Demaris promised. “I picked everyone’s outfits.” She grinned. Ryan headed to the ‘changing room’ and got undressed. He didn’t even give himself a chance to really look at the outfit, just pulling it on, what little there was.

“Really?” He walked out. “I’m an elf?” He was also in green short shorts, but his were velvet and trimmed in white fur, with an elf hat for his head.

“Damn right you’re an elf.” Kyler laughed. “Come on, Ryan, Tis the season to be Gay.” He winked, then charged Demaris, she cried out as he hauled her over his shoulder. “You’re leaving us tomorrow so tonight is Christmas. The rule is Mrs Claus gets the spanking right?”

“Yeah!” Jamie and Ileana cheered.

“I’ll kill you, Thomas, don’t you dare.” Demaris yelped when he smacked her ass but put her back on the ground, waiting until she was steady in the heels before letting her go.

“We couldn’t have Christmas without you so… we’re doing it early.” Ileana explained, “We have eggnog, we have food, we have music and presents.”

“And zero shame, so we are taking pictures.” Dante informed Ryan. Ileana popped up on her toes to kiss Dante before hustling into the kitchen.

“You guys really planned all this for me?”

“Oh hell yeah we did, and because I”m hot and wanted to go shirtless.” Jamie joked, walking over to the tree where more presents had appeared.

“Oh wow. It’s almost like Christmas in the Evans house.”

“Ryan’s alluding to how rich he is, everyone drink!” Demaris called, everyone picked up their drinks and took a sip.

“What?”

“New rule, everytime you mention the fact that your family could buy this building and us with money left over, we drink.” Jamie grimaced. “I hate eggnog. Did you get the hot chocolate, Ky?”

“Nope, suffer, I like Egg Nog.” Jamie made a face but took another drink.

“We also drink every time Kyler shows zero regard for other people.”

“Oh god we’re all going to die from alcohol poisoning.” Ryan pointed out.

“Then we die like kings.” Kyler cheered, downing half his egg nog.

“I got hot chocolate.” Dante pointed to the kitchen. Jamie hurried in to make himself a new, better drink.

“Oh no.” The song changed and everyone froze. All it took were the first couple of notes.

“Iiiii don’t want a lot for Christmas, there is just one thing I need- I don’t care about the presents underneath the Christmas tree. I just want you for my own, more than you could ever know. Make my wish come truuuuuue, All I want for Christmas isssssssss Yooooooooou.” That stopped everyone in their tracks, they dropped whatever it was they were doing, and it all became about singing and dancing. Dante, ever the photographer, had his phone out making sure it was documented.

This was the Christmas Ryan wanted. He didn’t care how late it was, that he would be tired and hung over on the plane ride home tomorrow, He was dressed as a sexy elf, dancing with a sexy rudolph and it was heaven.

They sang carols, they danced, there was pizza and alcohol flowing freely.

Eventually they exchanged gifts, Ryan got a QR code to a playlist made special for him (From Jamie), he got a travel mug that said ‘twinkle twinkle little slut name a guy you haven’t fucked’ (Which Kyler dared him to take to New Mexico with him. That wasn’t going to happen) He got a handmade hat from Ileana that he was definitely taking to New Mexico with him and from Demaris he got a promise of nudes sent to him at the best times while he was away.

As everything started to wind down, Kyler passed out under the tree, Dante and Ileana made it to her bed before falling asleep, Jamie was out like a light on the couch.

“I’m going to have a smoke, join me?” Demaris had ditched the shoes and at home point ended up taking Jamie’s PJs from him, leaving him in his boxer briefs. She still had the teddy on under the PJs, but she looked warmer.

“Sure.” Ryan didn’t smoke, but as long as they were outside he didn’t mind hanging out while she did. They ducked out into the fire escape and she lit a cigarette.

“Here.” She reached into the pocket of the PJs and pulled out a little gift.

“I thought I was getting nudes.”

“Oh you are, but you’re getting this too.” He opened it up, his eyebrows raising.

“My class ring?”

“Yeah… The day we met… when you were crawling all over a New York alleyway and I’m still amazed you didn’t get a disease from that by the way… And we took you back here to console you… I went back and found the ring.”

“That was months ago.”

“Yeah… I added something to it.” She shrugged. Ryan took it out of the box and turned to look at the inside, adjusted it towards the light coming from in the apartment.

‘Stronger than you know’

“Demi…” Ryan started.

“There you guys are.” Jamie stuck his head out the window and climbed out. “That’s going to be one fun plane ride. You’ll be in hell.” Jamie predicted, his arm wrapping around Ryan’s waist. Ryan slipped the ring into his pocket.

“It really will.” He agreed. Jamie reached out for the cigarette in Demaris’s hand and she gave it over.

“Keep it, I’m gonna knock out. Night Ry, Night Jamison.”

“Night Dee.” Jamie watched her go in. “So, how was your first Christmas in the nut house?”

“Better than any Christmas I’ve had before.”

#31 days of winter #ryan evans #demaris quinn #kyler thomas #ileana brown #jamie harris #hsm oc

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authorforhire · 6 years

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A Lab Buddies Christmas Carol: Chapter 1

Xephos wasn't fond of Christmas. The whole season got on his nerves and the way his employees acted as if the stupid holiday was more important than their actual jobs. Instead of filing reports and conducting their research, their govused on decorating and spending time with family and traveling amd gift wrapping and blah blah blah.

The idea of Christmas was outlandish to him even back when it was only him and Simon. It might have been amusing at first, but now Xephos could truly see the uselessness of Christmas. Workers slacked and the whole world seemed to be in a state of childlike dependency. It sickened and annoyed him to an extent like no other.

There was a knock at his office door. He let out a long and tired sigh, looking up above the piles of paperwork only he seemed to be doing. "Come in." He called.

A familiar face peered through the door. It was Turps, holding a white box with a blue bow tied on it. Xephos held back a sigh. Of course Turps believed in all this crap.

"Merry Christmas, Xeph!" Turps grinned. "I see your looking cheerful as ever."

"Turps, make it fast, I'm busy." He sighed, flicking his pen dismissively.

Turps tried not to show the disappointment at his friend's attitude. "I came to bring you your Christmas present before I leave."

Xephos' head peaked up. "Leave? It's not even one o'clock, Turps!" He said sternly.

It was Turps' turns to be shocked. "Did you not see the new work order? It was in the email."

Xephos blinked before leaning over to his computer. A few clicls and the mentioned email was pulled up. Just as Turps said, it was a work order issued by Honeydew that said Yoglabs workers were given a half day on Christmas Eve.

Xephos groaned. Oh, why was his friend's heart bigger than his brain? It was to late to repeal the order, so all of the staff was leaving in about ten minutes.

"It's Christmas E-"

"Turps, if you want to keep your job, you won't finish that damn sentance." Xephos snarled.

Turps heard the venom in his voice and the red in his eyes and quickly shit his mouth. "Well, I got a family to get to." He said, laying the present on his desk. "I hope you have a-"

"If you say Merry Christmas, I'm docking your pay."

"-A wonderful day, then." Turps said, quickly deciding to leave the office.

Xephos watched the door close and growled. Stopping work for a silly holiday? Fuck that. They had work to do, why could no one understand that?!

Not much time passed before his phone began to ring. It was Simon, probably calling him to ask him about another damn Christmas party. They had the office one, what more did he have to go to?!

He begrudgingly picked up the phone. "What is it, Simon?"

"Well, a holly-jolly Christmas to you too, spaceman." Simon replied.

"What is it, Simon?" He repeated, rubbing the bridge of his nose in irritation. "Thanks to your little work order, I have no workers and we're two weeks behind on reports."

Simon sighed. "That's all you seem to care about now-a-days." He sighed. "Reports and work. I gave them the day off because they aren't robots, Xephos- they have families and children. Christmas is the one day they can be close and finally enjoy eachother's company."

Xephos didn't respond. He didn't care, Christ he didn't care. "Yes, well, while they're spending time with family, I'm going to be here finishing their work."

"But you don't have to be! We could maybe spend Christmas together, you know, like we used to! Grab a pint, sing some carols and-"

"No, we can't! Christmas is just a petty excuse to slack off, and I can't afford to slack off! We have to finish these reports so I can move forward and-!"

"Move forward to what?" Simon interrupted bitterly. "Move forward to being even more of a cra-!" He stopped and sighed. "More of an asshole?"

"So now I'm an asshole for trying to figure out diseases and a way to stop death itself?" Xehos snarled. "For trying to preserve the furture instead of wadting it away on silly ideas like Christmas?"

"No, you're an asshole because your help isn't helpful anymore! It's just crazy!" Simon snapped. There argument fell into a tense and angry silence.

"...I'll be at the pub if you change your mind. You know the one." Simon sighed. "Merry Christmas, friend."

The phone clicked off. "And a bah humbug to you too." He growled distastefully, ignoring the cold and empty feeling that settled in his stomach.

((Lab buddies AU belongs to @fighteramy. And the Yogscast belong to, well, the yogscast.))

#xephos #labbuddies au #lab buddies #yogscast au #yogscast #honeydew #yogscast turps #fighteramy #yes im alive

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exquisitelyeco · 7 years

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Bartemaus No 2!

You might have read my post a little while ago called ‘Bartemaus’ If you haven’t, you might want to before you read this. It will make more sense. In that post I talked about how Bartemaus did not care he had BEEN blind, he only cared he could now see. He left the past where it belonged, behind him. And after meeting Jesus, he never had anymore questions of ‘why’ he had been born blind. He did not care. All he cared about was that Jesus had SEEN him, and given him his sight. So what else is there to learn about Bart? A lot! He did a few things hardly any of those Jesus healed did. 1. He said Thankyou. 2. He believed Jesus was the son of God. 3. He worshipped Him. 4. He did not care what other people thought. So many of the people Jesus healed never thanked Him. Isn’t that like our society today? How many of us take without giving? Take without thanking? Take without THINKING. Believing that it is our right to HAVE. We live in a culture that has so much. We take most of it for granted. Good food, warm homes, nice clothes. Good education, yes I know you can argue the point on that one….. But we have. And it has not made us happier. We have so many devices, iPads, iPhones, headphones, Xbox, smart TV, SO many ways of communicating. And yet we are alone. Five people in a house, sitting together. All on their phones. Engaged elsewhere. We miss the present because we are scrolling down our phone. We don’t notice the sunsets. The birds crying in the air, the poppies red against the green meadows, we SEE nothing else but our own personal little device. And if we don’t have it? CALAMITY! No phone? No computer? Ahhhhh! And we get angry and frustrated. We don’t stop fuming until it’s fixed. But more than than that, we have a hissy fit UNTIL it’s fixed. ‘I can’t do without it!’ ‘How am I going to sort that out NOW?”For GODs sake!!!’ ‘That’s ALL I need!’ And we act like three year olds. Not grateful to HAVE a phone, but angry that for a few days we haven’t! In some ways, although we have all this technology, we are still as we were in the days of Bartemaus. Most of us get what we want, and without a backward glance go off. We don’t care about the person who fixed it. A quick ‘thanks,’ pennies on the counter and off. Do we even remember what the person looked like, if they were to cross our path, months later? The one who mended our device, just in case your wondering…….if you weren’t, well done…… In fact it’s worse. If the person sorting out our device is late, or it takes more time, we get angry and impatient. ‘I’m busy! I need it NOW!’ ‘What do you expect me to do, without my phone?!’ ‘That’s NOT good enough! You SAID Friday! It’s now Monday!’ And on we go. Moaning. Ranting. Complaining. And if it goes like that, the only Thankyou the person is lightly to get is a withering look and a VERY sarcastic Thankyou! Which actually can be interpreted as ‘NO Thankyou, you useless swine. I NEEDED my phone you look TOO long, and if I could I’d kick your arse to Glasgow!’ Unless you lived in a Glasgow. In which case it would be somewhere else….. So we might remember that person a tad longer…..just because they had pissed us off. But we most certainly would NOT be thankful. Neither would we go back! So we still think somebody else should get us out of our shit asap. And they don’t need thanking! What do they think we pay them FOR? Most of the people Jesus healed were like that. They didn’t care that the shops had shut, that Jesus hadn’t eaten, or that He was tired or busy. They hunted Him down and took what He offered. That is, they took the parts they wanted. Which were what they thought were the BEST, indeed only, ones. Things THEY wanted. Healing. Being made PHYSICALLY better. And that’s where it stopped, Thankyou very much….except they didn’t say that…..they just walked off.

At one point Jesus healed ten, TEN, lepers in one go. How many came back? How many said Thankyou? One. I mean come on. You’ve just been covered in a skin disease, where you had absolutely NO contact with anybody else AT ALL. You had to shout ‘UNCLEAN’ when ever anybody came anywhere near you! Your nose would drop off. Your fingers and toes. You’d smell of decay. A Job? Well, Teresa May could probably make you find one……no food, unless you begged. People might throw the odd copper at your head, cos they would never, ever come near you. You were outcast. Totally. No church going. No family near. No nothing. So you’d think that if you’d been healed of that, you’d at least say Thankyou. Nope. Just one. That’s one of the reasons Jesus said about people not understanding His miracles. Yes, He wanted people well. But He wanted more. He wanted them to SEE Him, for who He was! Master Healer. Son of God. But most were not interested. They just wanted black label day thanks. 24 hour flash sale! Jesus did His miracles, not just to make people well physically, but to make them well SPIRITUALLY. If they wanted it. But most didn’t. They did not see as far as their own nose…..if they still had one……if not then their ears…..don’t even go there……I KNOW what you were thinking…..what if they had no ears….. Jesus does not force Himself on us. He didn’t then and He doesn’t now. Even in Eden, God never forced the issue. Of course, He knew where Adam was hiding! But He wants us to want Him! And all most of us want is the ‘Wham bam, Thankyou ma’am.’ And we are off…. We don’t want to see the miracle MAKER, only have the miracle. Only a very few wanted more. Only a few wanted the MAN behind the miracles. And those who did, KNEW, He was not just a man. God wants us to find Him. How would we feel, or do we feel, when we want to spend time with our child and they keep putting us off, so they can do their Xbox. For days on end. We might get a mumbled thanks for dinner, which is eaten so quickly it’s worrying….. but that’s it. And that is what most of us do to God. To busy. ‘Talk to the hand’…….’Maybe next week, I’m busy today’…..’Got stuff to do’…..’Talk later’……and we get angry if we feel forced to spend anytime with God, unless WE WANT too.

We only want God when WE want Him. For what He can DO for us, not for WHO He is. And most of the time we forget to say Thankyou. In fact, we think it’s our right to have it our way. I do. I want God to do what I want. But spend time with Him? You are KIDDING! I tell no lie, I clock watch. I tell Him Ill give Him 15 minutes, and I begrudge Him even those. I get bored. Close my eyes, try to be holy. Think I’ve taken all the time up, open them and it’s only been two minutes…..and I don’t WANT to spend time with the miracle Maker. I only want His miracles. How rude. What if God got pissed off? What if Jesus had? But we do! God help the person who does not say Thankyou to us! If you are anything like me, you SEETHING tell them ‘You could say THANKYOU!!!’ Bartemaus was thankful. And He wanted MORE. Not just content with seeing physically, he wanted to see spiritually. WHO was behind this miracle, that had opened his eyes? Who had thought him important enough to help. And not passed by. How many, many people over the years had passed Barty by? In a hurry, banged into him, blamed him for getting in the way, rolled their eyes when he asked for coins? Worse! Looked down on him and blamed him for his being blind? Teresa….how ’bout you love? Sounding abit similar int’ it?😂 Yet Jesus did none of those things. He FOUND him. He healed Him. And to Bart that was EVERYTHING. He wanted more! Who was this man? He was hungry! He was not afraid of the order of the day. He knew Jesus has healed him. He didn’t yet know he was the son of God, outwardly, but in his heart, he knew full well. What did he say to the Pharisees? ‘I don’t know if he is a sinner, but I do know that God listens to those who respect Him!’ He KNEW God had heard the man Jesus, when He asked Him to heal His eyes. So when Jesus came and found him and said ‘Do you know who the son of man is?’ He said ‘Tell me, Lord, that I may believe in Him.’ And Jesus said, ‘It is I, who am talking with you now.’ Bartemaus fell on his knees and said ‘I believe Lord.’ He had found the miracle MAKER. And that was what he wanted. To show gratitude for the man who had healed him. To fall at His feet in worship and thankfulness.

I can imagine for the rest of his life Bartemaus followed Jesus. And was forever grateful. Because thankfulness is an attitude of the heart. It’s a way of living. Our culture does not teach it. It teaches us to take. Not to take TIME to find the person and say Thankyou. I have a hard heart. I can forget to say Thankyou. Even worse, I get angry if I think God doesn’t help quick enough….and if I think He is going to say no…..😡😡😡😡😡He really gets it. Tempers, stamping, cursing, the works. But I also know the importance of being thankful. Being thankful is different, VERY different from a quick, ‘thanks’ It’s when we stop. Stop. And take the TIME to say Thankyou, we feel a quietness in ourselves. Our spirit feels different. Mine does. It stops. No hurry. No rush. And as I say it, carefully, I see more and more things to say Thankyou for. When we really connect with a Thankyou to God, we find what Bartemaus did. He BELIEVED. He worshipped. Saying and BEING Thankyou brings us BEYOND what we have just had, and takes us to the Person God is. We draw close to Him. We want HIM, not for what He has given, but for WHO He is. It quiets our soul. And it helps us see who really IS our saviour, healer and redeemer. Who truly is the lover of our soul. Saying Thankyou is not a one off event. It’s a lifetime event. A way of living. Sorry, digression, actually, it’s NOT! Haha! I love it when a plan comes together….who said that?…The A team, wasn’t, it?….sorry, that bit WAS a digression…..I love Scrooge, have multiple different versions. The one that came to my mind just now was The Muppets Christmas Carol. When Michael Caine, who plays Scrooge, had seen the spirits of Christmas and learned to LIVE a Thankyou for what he SEES he has. He sings,

‘With a thankful heart, and with endless joy, with a growing family, every girl and boy, will be nephew and niece to me, bringing love joy and peace to me, and Everyday will start, with a grateful prayer and a thankful heart’ (Thankyou Muppets Christmas Carol, for your words here!) Do you SEE that? It’s FANTASTIC! Being thankful had allowed Scrooge to SEE that being thankful gave him FAMILY! That being grateful made life BIGGER. And He understood that being thankful is the KEY to living! That a thankful heart is an alive, pulsating, vibrating one! That Thankyou brings MORE. For him more than he ever dreamed. A relationship with his nephew, a new partner, another family, Bob Cratchets, and EVERYONE he spoke to saw the change in him! He grew BIGGER. He stopped being, small minded, greedy and petty, and started LIVING! When we live a life of Thankyou, EVERYTHING changes! It does not mean we become millionaires. It means we stop living negatively. We stop looking inward and down ward, and start looking UP ward. And by looking UP we see the source of the miracles! We SEE the Miracle Maker! Do you know, I think heaven stops when we praise God in thankfulness. I can imagine lights pulsating around the throne of God, the Glory of His Being, radiant. Being lit up by our thankfulness. Scrooge and Bartemaus saw how precious life was because they had learnt to be thankful. To be grateful. To know there was more than a one off thing. To realise it was an everyday, lifetime event. Every single day….As the song continues….’Stop and look around you, the glory that you see, is born each day, don’t let it slip away, how precious life can be……'(‘gain, Thankyou Muppets! Great words, great words!) we are BLIND to life, because we don’t open our eyes! We take it for granted, but don’t even notice it!

Scrooge had been WOKEN UP! His heart was now wide awake! He could see life each day because he now had a THANKFUL heart! He was now ACTIVELY LOOKING FOR and LIVING a Thankyou! How many of us are asleep? Lost in the troubles of the world. Not praising God? Forgetting too, too tired? Unhappy and disconnected? We need to feed our spirit everyday. And we do this by having a thankful heart. We live a LIFE of thanks! It a habit we must practise. King David, when troubles hit, he took time out and he ‘strengthened himself in the Lord (See book of Samuel or Kings in the bible) he KNEW the VITALNESS yup, new word…..Good ain’t it?, of thanks! It is VITAL to our life, especially in these times! The more thankful you are the more you SEE! The more you bring Glory to God. Because the more you see, the more you want to say Thankyou! Life is so precious, so fragile. We hold it with such contempt. But it is SO PRECIOUS. Every tiny thing. A blade of grass. Have you looked at one lately? A ladybird? It’s beautiful! And the more we LIVE Thankyou, the more we draw people to us. They hunger for what we have! A thankful spirit is an illuminated spirit! It is SO attractive! That is why God is SO irresistible! We realise we are family, and not just family, HIS family! and it MATTERS. In fact, that’s ALL that matters. Because when you have the MAKER you have EVERYTHING! And everything you need has to come from that place. A thankful heart. That is when we start truly living. So I want to learn from Barty. I want to learn to say Thankyou. And to live it.

#god funny #God #Bartemaus #god personal life personal

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