#missed miscarriage
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i wonder if i will ever stop counting. the days and weeks and months and years since the miscarriage, the due date, the scan. will i ever stop counting how old you would be if you made it to my arms? if counting your age is the only honour i can give you, i will do it forever.
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I'll be there 👼🏽
Daddy, please don't look so sad,
mama please don't cry
Cause I am in the arms of Allah
and He sings me lullabies.
Please, try not to question God,
Don't think he is unkind
Don't think He sent me to you,
and then He changed his mind.
You see, I am a special child,
and I'm needed up above
I'm the special gift you gave Him,
the product of your love,
I'll always be there with you
and watch the sky at night,
Find the brightest star that's gleaming
That's my halo's brilliant light.
You'll see me in the morning frost.
that mists your window pane,
Thats me in the summer showers
I'll be dancing in the rain.
When you feel a little breeze
from a gentle wind that blows
That's me I'll be there,
planting a kiss on your nose.
When you see a child playing.
and your heart feels a little tug.
That's me I'll be there giving your heart a hug
So Daddy. please don't look so sad, Mama don't you cry.
I'm in the arms of Allah and He sings me lullabies.
#personal#not mine#poetry#pregnancy loss#mine#missed miscarriage#miscarriage#baby loss#embryo loss#infertility#ttccommunity#ttcjourney#ivfjourney#ivf#reflection#short poem#angel#baby angel#allahﷻ
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TTC my Rainbow after a missed miscarriage
So here I am, aged thirty three years old, one living child. I recently suffered the utterly devastating impact of a Missed Miscarriage.
Oddly, a part of me still feels that this can not have happened to me. That they have me mixed up with someone else. This could not have possibly happened to me. Things like this don't happen to me.
I remember me and my husband joking to each other on our way to the scan about how it could be twins. Nothing prepared us. NOTHING. for the heartache of hearing them words "I'm sorry, but I think you're baby has died".
Fast forward to three months later.
Trying to conceive
Tracking Ovulation
A living child whom was conceived first time without trying, my pregnancy which resulted in miscarriage was also conceived first time without trying.
Now I am struggling to conceive. Now my body feels all over the place. I am ovulating a week early. I'm spotting throughout my cycle. I feel nauseous constantly. My boobs hurt on and off. Cruelly. Almost taunting me that I am pregnant and then reminding me that I am not.
So many thoughts going through my mind?; Did my surgery affect me? - a D&C after failed medical management. Is my body ok? Are my hormones balanced? what caused my miscarriage in the first place? Why aren't I conceiving now? Am I too old? Am i infertile? Why is this happening to me?
So many questions, and absolutely no answers.
#ttccommunity#ttc after miscarriage#rainbow baby#miscarriage#missed miscarriage#suffering in silence#marriage#miscarriage mention#pregnancy loss
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Missed Miscarriage 2023
#youtube#Missed Miscarriage 2023#Icelyn Odette#Missed Miscarriage#Miscarriage#Pregnant#Prenancy#Black Cohosh#Blue Cohosh#Missed Miscarriage Information#Missed Miscarriage Story#Missed Miscarriage Experience#Missed Miscarriage Video
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Sweet soul, keep loving ❤️
Infant loss month always hits hard. I don’t think it will ever get easier. Even with a healthy, ever-growing, and curious child…It hits even harder for me since having my early missed miscarriage that resulted in over a month of waiting, 2 rounds of meds, and eventually needing a D&C. I’ve experienced it from both ends, something I couldn’t wish on my worst enemy. Our symbol for Emma, as most of…
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#Angel Parents#grieving multiple losses#Grieving parents#Infant Loss#infant loss advocate#infant loss month#Life After Loss#miscarriage#missed miscarriage#October#pregnancy loss awareness
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Today. September 8th 2022.
I started the day being one day late for my period. I have been trying to be more healthy and part of me really wished that I wasn’t going to get my period. Part of me cannot wait to be pregnant. But what i realize as I am writing this is. I wish I still was.
I looked in the mirror and held my tummy and said to myself. I wonder if it is..or am I just late…I went to grab my towel to shower and went to the bathroom. I had to pee before I hopped on the shower. As I whipped there it was. My monthly reminder that my body failed. All I could do was cry and continue what I was doing.
As I showered I cried and I thought about how my body failed me. How I was supposed to have a big belly and have my twins living within my being. Instead Im all empty. Bleeding out. As if my womb was broken.
Why is grief such a mess?
I feel as if I have been grieving all my life.
Grieving the fact that I have no recollection of Mexico and my childhood there. Grieving how I remember my father. Grieving how lost someone so special to cancer in my teenage years. Grieving how friends leave and as if they never knew you. Grieving how my mother is incapable of parenting me and I have to parent her. Grieving the reality of my family not being picture perfect. Grieving the relationship I had with my father. Grieving the me I once was. Grieving my grandmother. Its so exhausting. Grief. It’s exhausting.
With that in mind. I think I’m done writing for now. Im going to go cry now.
#my life#mental health#mexican scorpion 🦂#depression#starting again#life#love#still learning#missed miscarriage#sexually abused#mentally abused#over it#grief
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i seriously think people go through extra lengths to justify the use of blood magic used against targaryens because they genuinely think the targaryen women deserve to have bad things done to them as a result of them supposedly being “blood purists” or that “well, of course it happened!! they’re all incest babies!” when there’s actually documented reasoning for several of the ““deformed”“ stillbirths that have happened.
the most prominent case is daenerys’s son rhaego, who we know was born during a blood magic ritual. mirri maz duur describes rhaego as draconic (“He was scaled like a lizard, blind, with the stub of a tail and small leather wings like the wings of a bat. When I touched him, the flesh sloughed off the bone, and inside he was full of graveworms and the stink of corruption.” AGOT Daenerys IX) which comes after mirri maz duur as performed blood magic to save khal drogo’s life.
the premise is simple: only death could pay for a life. it’s easy to assume that the horse would have been enough for mirri maz duur to heal khal drogo as was originally implied, but it’s heavily implied that rhaego’s death is a result of her as well since she handles daenerys’s birth. in the book, it’s left a little more for interpretation but in the television series, mirri maz duur outright admits to killing rhaego.
it’s worth noting the other cases have viable proof of blood magic interference as well. maegor i targaryen notably struggled to produce heirs and one of his wives, tyanna of the tower, confessed to poisoning alys harroways who had birthed a child (Maegor came to see the stillbirth, he was horrified to find the boy a monster, with twisted limbs, a huge head, and no eyes. Fire and Blood: The Sons of the Dragon.)
the same would go for maegor’s bride jeyne westerling (Three moons before she was due, Queen Jeyne was brought to bed by a sudden onset of labor pains, and was delivered of a stillborn child as monstrous as the one Alys Harroway had birthed. Fire and Blood: The Sons of the Dragon.) and elinor costayne (Queen Elinor too was delivered of a malformed and stillborn child, an eyeless boy born with rudimentary wings. Fire and Blood: The Sons of the Dragon)
the only two instances where it could be debatable whether or not blood magic was used against a child are laena velaryon who died after complications while giving birth to a twisted and malformed son and rhaenyra targaryen who lost her daughter visenya after going into premature labor. rhaenyra seems to place the blame on the greens (“She was my only daughter, and they killed her. They stole my crown and murdered my daughter, and they shall answer for it.” Fire and Blood: The Dying of the Dragons) which is likely due to the announcement of king viserys’s death and the crowning of aegon the usurper, and part of her grief. i’ve seen some people say that rhaenyra cast black magic herself during this because she “cursed” her half-siblings but this seems a bit like victim blaming and like its just on redd//it.
these are only counting births that were noted to be “twisted” or “malformed” in some way and does not include other targaryen stillbirths since they’re not recorded to have ““monstrous”“ appearances and i think acting like stillbirths = deformation is cruel and archaic. i just think some of you twitt//er and redd//it green/stark stans can’t read!
#i literally have no idea how to tag this#asioaf#got#canon targaryens#fandom wank#got wank#asioaf wank#if you hate the targs or dany don't talk to me lol#child death /#body horror /#daenerys targaryen#maegor targaryen#tyanna of the tower#jeyne westerling#elinor costayne#laena velaryon#rhaenyra targaryen#stillbirth ment /#if i missed tagging this with something potentially triggering i do want to apologize#miscarriage /#house targaryen#pro house targaryen#alys harroway
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5 headcanons for any maxpreg universe........
(thank you for number 77 anon! ) Have some generalised maxpreg hc’s bc I can’t remember any of my maxpreg universes from the top of my head.
cw: mention of miscarriage/poor body image following pregnancy but no major angst!
I think Max would love, love, love being pregnant, but I think he’d maybe feel a little insecure with the permanent changes of his body afterwards. His stretch marks, how it’s harder to snap back to his pre-pregnancy weight, especially if he’s planning to race again (which I think he would be depending on the au). Daniel on the other hand, he would be ravenous for every single change, would be pawing at Max constantly after, desperate to touch the marks on his body, to shower Max with praise and remind him how amazing he is, he did this beautiful thing for them.
I think the hesitations about his postpreg body however would NOT deter Max from wanting more babies (he’s like, of course the solution is to be pregnant all the time so I am never feeling bad about my body after) and like, idk by baby number three Daniel has to be like…sweetheart, I think…maybe…it’s enough? He loves their kids, he just worries about if they have enough attention and time to divide between them. But Max is like, Daniel of course we cannot stop on an odd number! One will be left out when they play:( so they have one more lol and Daniel grumbles about having to buy a 7 seater
BUT I think the last baby, is more of a struggle. Like with the first three it felt like Daniel only had to look at Max when he was ovulating (do not make me think of the logistics of mpreg or I will never write it again lmao) and he was pregnant. But this one, it takes a lot, lot longer, and for realism sake (she says, writing mpreg) I think they have maybe one early miscarriage (I will keep my angsty thoughts over this to myself). So when they do get their last little baby, Daniel cries into Max’s hair in the hospital bed, harder than when they had all the others, and all Max can do is smile and tell him, ‘I think you are right now. It is enough.’ And that’s them, that’s their family!
I think they have three girls! And the last one is a little boy. Which I think would have been more fraught for Max if he’d been one of their first, but by that time he’s confident in his parenting skills. He’s never shouted at the girls, or at Daniel in front of the girls. He’s got this. Daniel looks at him when they get the sex during the ultrasound and asks, ‘okay Maxy?’ and Max takes a beat and then tells him, ‘it is perfect, I think.’
Daniel would 100% such at Max’s tits so much that Max worries every time that he’ll be all dried up by the time the babies comes (sorry not sorry) but he never is
#woo maxpreg i've acc missed thinking about him#max/daniel#fic#kinda#i'm trying to space these out so i'm not bugging everyones dash#but i'm soooo bored so no promises#cw miscarriage#cw weight mention#sorry this is formatted so weird w the spacing i cant make it normal im stupid
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The hardest goodbye is the one before hello 🤍
#<3#miscarriage#thankful#forever love#love#quotes#relationship#thoughts#an unexpected journey#missing you#i love you forever#goodbye
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I went through my basket of baby things for the first time since packing it after my miscarriage 15 months ago. I could only bear to part with a few things, a couple of baby grows and a few books. Only a few small things, and yet they mean so much. I will keep the rest for whenever I am lucky enough to get pregnant again. Oh, my heart
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5/02
It's been a month my since D&C surgery and I still find moments of grieving you.
It's isolating going through a pregnancy loss because no one understands this grief. I am your mother, and I will always be your mother. I felt you there, I spoke to you, and I know how strong you were.
But heaven gained an angel, and now you will look upon me forever. I know that you were just too precious for this world.
I think this loss will always be there because I will never forget you, but that's okay because I know now that love like this can exist.
👼🏽🩷
#personal#journal#reflections#journaling#love#pregnancy loss#missed miscarriage#miscarriage#1 in 4#infertility#ivfjourney#grief and loss
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"Holy fuck, Lottie." It's the first time Jackie's seen her since Shauna beat the shit out her. And it wasn't as if Lottie'd looked any better then - but she's still completely fucked up now, face swollen, eyes drooping and bloody. How is she even alive?
Dropping to her knees next to the injured girl, Jackie's hands tremble when she brushes a stray strand of hair out of Lottie's face. "Shit. This was - this was all Shauna?"
Shauna, who'd clutched her dead fucking baby to her chest and looked at Jackie like she'd been the one to kill him. Who'd stared her dead in the eye and thrown her own words back at her in some twisted fucking echo: Don't pretend like this isn't exactly what you wanted the whole time. Who'd cried out for her in the meat shed - wailed like a keening animal until it made Jackie sob noiselessly too, hidden just outside and desperately trying to keep Shauna from hearing a single sound - yet nearly tore her head off any time they so much as existed in the same space.
Who'd nearly killed Lottie.
Shauna hated Jackie, so she'd nearly fucking killed Lottie. That could have been Jackie. That would have been Jackie, if not now then eventually, if Lottie hadn't stepped in.
But while that might have calmed Shauna down for now, shit for the rest of them only got worse. The card draw. Nat. Fucking Javi. All that crap Misty spouted after, about how Lottie's pleased with the wilderness' choice. Yeah, maybe the Charlotte Matthews she'd once known had gone completely off the fucking rails out here - at Jackie's expense, more than once - but after the girl had nearly fucking died for her... Jackie would believe that one when she heard it for herself.
Which is exactly what she's here to find out. Lottie looks just about anything but pleased right now, but Jackie has to know for sure. Has to hear Lottie say it, one way or another. "Why did you let her do this to you? Why did you let any of them - ? I don't even know what to - I mean, fuck, you probably saved my fucking life, but - they killed Javi because of you. Shit, he was just a fucking kid, Lottie!" Is Jackie worth his life? Is Lottie? Is Nat?
Nat is. Natalie fucking Scatorccio is worth all of them combined. The only one who'd come out to bring her in from the freezing cold, the only one to try and try and try to keep them all alive, the only fucking good thing left in this hell. The rest of them, though... Jackie isn't so sure any more. // @healiotrope + plotted starter!
#healiotrope#jackie taylor.#ic: jackie.#v: yellowjackets.#healiotrope t1#the amount of tws this is gonna need... LOL#miscarriage mention tw#child death tw#murder mention tw#injury tw#blood tw#anyone feel free to lmk if it seems like i missed anything!#but holy shit. i am so ready for this#threads.#au: exactly what you wanted (jackie lives).
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Infertility, miscarriage, and infant loss is a difficult topic for many prospective parents to face. Bella Lambert's song Missing Pieces was written to share her and her husband's personal struggle with infertility, something I, and I know many others, can relate to.
This song is about hope, and I hope to all who struggle with infertility/miscarriage/infant loss that you can hold onto that hope, no matter how bleak it may seem.
It’s hard, but I’ve finally brought myself to a point that I can acknowledge that hope again. The daughter that I share with my f/o Zach Varmitech would have turned 2 today, and while we miss her dearly, we hold onto the hope that one day she will have siblings who will love her and happily declare that they have a big sister waiting to met them in heaven.
Happy Birthday, Alexandria Rinella Varmitech 💜🦋🖤
#Spotify#bella lambert#missing pieces#loss of child#infertility#tw miscarriage#alexrinellavarm#tw implied abuse#tw depressing stuff#tw depressing thoughts#tw ventish#tw death#tw vent#Ziolet#self ship#zach varmitech#f/o#fictional other
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We’ve been over this before here on my blog, but…
I don’t want kids…for a MULTITUDE of reasons. However, every time I see my old friends (who I don’t talk to anymore) get pregnant and have babies, it’s like a knife to the chest. Some of them had babies years ago; some of them are just now starting. And I know I should be happy for them, but it’s just so harrowing for me…based on the fact that I got pregnant by someone I was deeply in love with at the time, and then had a painful miscarriage. I can never see women with babies and not get irrationally upset. And I don’t even want kids!!! I know I couldn’t handle it and that I’m not cut out for it at all, and it doesn’t even appeal to me! So wtf. I wish it didn’t still haunt me.
#miscarriage mention tw //#why do I even check instagram it just always either annoys me or makes me upset#it was my old friend Gabby. she has a baby now and I didn’t even know til just now#I miss Gabby. she was so cool. but we don’t talk anymore#and after this I feel like I can never talk to her again#I purposely avoid making friends with mothers lol I know that sounds ridiculous at my age but the miscarriage trauma is why
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