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#merlin crack
merlinjoyer · 9 months
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morganaconda · 6 months
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sexy-sapphic-sorcerer · 5 months
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Series 5 Gwen having good gaydar for 4 and a half minutes bi
A necessary sequel to Gwen having terrible gaydar for 4 minutes 'straight'
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It’s the most wonderful time of the year
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tongjaitongjai · 1 year
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An AU where Merlin is literally a God in Mordred’s eyes. Like, a genuine God.
In this AU Mordred and Merlin’s relationship is not fucked up by prophecy. So, everytime, kindhearted Merlin saved Mordred without hesitation. And Mordred grew up in a Druid camp that reinforced the idea that Emrys was a literal god. So naturally, HE WORSHIPPED MERLIN.
Once Arthur became king and magic was legalised, Mordred came to Camelot to become a knight because that was the best way to serve Emrys.
But when he arrived at Camelot, he struggled to comprehend the fact that Merlin was… human???? A very clumsy one, in fact. The rest of Camelot, though might know about Merlin magic, did not know how great ‘Emrys’ actually was so they were just confused, concerned, and/or entertained by Mordred’s ‘crush’ on Merlin.
He would stare at Merlin the entire first meal they had together, and people would be like: awww, Sir Mordred is crushing on Merlin so hard!!
Mordred: Emrys??eats??food?Food??Is ?eaten?by? Emrys?emrys?consumes?meal????
Or when he saw Merlin tripped on the training field
Mordred: i think the area is cursed. Strongly cursed.
Leon: what—
Mordred: THEN WHY ELSE WOULD EMRYS TRIPPED?????
Arthur: So, how have you adjusted to life in Camelot so far? Is there anything that is bothering yo—
Mordred: Merlin
Arthur: what did my stupid manserva- I mean Court Sorcerer do-
Mordred: I saw him drank water today
Arthur:
Mordred: He just drinks water????? From glass?????? Like?? He drank?? Water???? You know??? Literal water????????????? For drinking???HE??needs??water?to??live?why??
Morgana: why did I saw Mordred ran out of the meeting room screaming that you guys are trying to ‘Destroy his faith in his religion’. You knights better not bully him because he is a druid and has magic—
Gwaine: I told him Merlin is not here because he needs to take a shit.
Lancelot: Hey, Mordred, I noticed that Merlin has not received the note I asked you to deliver to him yet.
Mordred: But I already send it to him?
Lancelot:
Lancelot: Tell me how
Mordred: I burned it at the altar
Lancelot: what altar—
Mordred: and pray to him, as one should???
Merlin: WHY IS THERE SOMEONE SCREAMING IN MY HEAD THAT I HAVE AN IMPORTANT MEETING TOMORROW AT NOON!?
Or when they went on a long mission or hunting and Merlin, out of his old habit, made food for the knights
Mordred: ‘this is the most excellent food ever had bestowed on me, I shall never forget about this Emrys. I will pray to you even harder. I am the luckiest Druid to ever live—- ‘
Percival: … is the stew that good?
part 1| part 2 | part 3
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achillesuwu · 1 year
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Post-reveal (or not) where Merlin get cursed and de-aged to a baby for 2 weeks.
The knights, Gaius and Arthur are like ‘this is fine! It won’t last!’ Until baby!Merlin starts to make the knives float and plays with them.
They call for Hunith but she is just desensitized to the whole thing. Her baby is playing with knives ? It’s very good ! At least he isn’t blowing up the ro— Oh, well at least he didn’t blow up the WHOLE roof.
In a not post reveal situation, Arthur’s sanity is hanging on by a single tread and when Merlin comes back to normal he will basically say ‘Shut up, I’m going to sleep for 3 days’
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witchmd13 · 1 year
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merlin as clickhole and the hard news articles
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tansyuduri · 11 days
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Ok but can you imagine after Arthur comes back, or is reborn or whatever and he and Merlin are together... Anytime Merlin wants to annoy Arthur, he just waits for Arthur to say something, waits a split second more, and just reponds with "Gay." Then keeps going "Merlin where is the shampoo?"
"... Gay"
"Merlin did you get the groceries?"
"... Gay"
"Merlin would you stop saying that!"
"... Gay"
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Imagine the sheer hilarity if Lancelot and Gwaine switched their first episodes. Gwaine shows up and saves Merlin from a griffin and gets injured.
Merlin: You're cool and you saved my life! You should be a knight so we can hang out!
Gwaine: *frantically trying to think of a way to tell his new friend no when he's looking at him with that face*
Gwaine: Sorry bro, I'm not a noble so I can't
Merlin: That's okay! We can just commit identity fraud!
Gwaine: . . .
Gwaine: I'm in
And the rest of the episode proceeds with Gwaine pretending to be the son of a random nobleman when he's already a noble purely for the chaos of it all. Bonus points if someone were to recognize Gwaine for some reason as already being a noble.
Random nobleman: *narrows eyes* And you're certain you're the son of Lord Eldred? It's just, you look so much like-
Gwaine: Yep, sure am! Good ol' Eldred and my three-
Merlin: *coughs* Four
Gwaine: -Four brothers! Ha ha ha it's a great happy family!
Random nobleman: *continues to squint suspiciously*
*Random nobleman goes to the king*
Random nobleman: Sire, I think this man is lying about his heritage!
Uther: *Gasp* Are you saying he's not actually noble?
Random nobleman: No, he's definitely a noble, but he's lying about which nobleman!
Uther: . . .
Gwaine helps to take down the griffon and finds out about Merlin's magic, deciding he needs to stay around to watch his back and to partake in magical shenanigans. Also he's grown to sort of respect Arthur at this point and Arthur in return, so when the truth comes out about the forged seal, Gwaine is just-
Gwaine: It's cool it's cool, I am a nobleman, just a different nobleman, here's my seal
Random nobleman: I KNEW IT!!!
Uther is contemplating if he cares enough about the semantics to arrest Gwaine, Arthur is just like
Arthur: Seems legit, welcome to the crew new bestie *high fives Gwaine*
Uther decides that at least this new friend is a noble and might get Arthur to stop spending so much time with his peasant servant, and lets it go.
(now, Arthur spends all his time with his peasant servant AND the alcoholic knight and Uther gives up)
(Lancelot shows up later and Uther, halfway through his fifth cup of wine, is so relieved he seems responsible that he knights him on the spot without checking his references)
(Lancelot turns out to be just as chaotic as the others and Uther just hides in his room for the rest of the series, allowing Arthur to be king way earlier. Arthur legalizes magic and the golden age happens and all that jazz)
(the end)
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Fanfic prompt/idea:
Mordred is Emrys (not really tho)
(Super long. TL;DR at bottom)
Someway, somehow, Arthur and his knights (Leon, Elyan, Percy, Gwaine, mordred) + Merlin meet someone while they’re away from the citadel who tells them about Emrys. Might be someone trying to kill them and boasting about the all mighty Emrys or might be a friendly, peaceful magical person who stopped for a chat or something else, choice is yours. Anyway, that night as they eat dinner around the campfire, they start talking about this Emrys. At first they’re like “that’s kooky” and laughing but then Percival speaks up quietly and a bit nervously. He says that while he’s sought sanctuary for the night or a few days in Druid camps before he became a knight, he’s heard about Emrys. Now, everyone is actually interested instead of just laughing it off.
Arthur: tell me more.
Percy: well.. the druids highly respect this man almost as if he’s a deity. I don’t know too much, and it’s been a while. I do remember that everyone knew about him no matter which Druid camp it was, even the children. It seems they tell a lot of stories about him to their young’uns.
Arthur: anything else?
Percy: sorry, sire, that’s all I remember. But if you really want to know more you could try to ask the druids.
They all became quiet and continued to eat, Merlin and Mordred relieved this conversation is over. …Until,
Arthur, remembering Mordred is a Druid: Mordred, you’re a Druid. Do anything about this?
Mordred and Merlin: *sweating bullets just wanting this dangerous topic over with* *glances at each other nervously*
Gwaine: WHA? Mordred, you’re a Druid?! You’ve been hold holdin’ out on us, mate!
Arthur realizes that Mordred’s heritage had not, in fact been a known thing, but they’ve made peace with the druids, it’ll be fine.
Mordred, nervously: oh, um, yes, I am…
The knight all take a few moments to be like “wow… never would’ve guessed” and “aren’t druids normally peaceful people? How you become a knight?”
Arthur, wanting to get things back on track: so, Mordred, do you know anything?
Mordred, nervousness increasing, knowing Merlin doesn’t want Arthur to know who he is, but not wanting to lie to his king, eyes darting between the two and all over the camp: uh…um… I… uh, I..I… I guess, yes. *Merlin’s glare intensifies*
Arthur, not noticing Merlin’s death glare at Mordred: tell me more.
Mordred, trying to figure out what to say to satisfy his king’s curiosity but not incur Emrys’ wrath (Emrys already hates him enough for some reason, he doesn’t want to make it worse): well… um, there’s… well there’s Emrys… and there’s this prophecy involving him. Most druids know of it; it’s centuries old.
Percival: oh, that’s right… Something about a magical king, right?
Mordred: the Once And Future King.
Gwaine: hold on a minute.. that sounds familiar… Ah! That’s right! I heard about it from a storyteller at a tavern once. I thought it was an odd name so it stuck. It’s a love story, right?
Mordred, nervously glancing between Merlin and Arthur (Merlin now looking at Gwaine with exasperation): um… I don’t know if that’s what it is.. but there definitely is a deep bond between Emrys and the Once And Future King.
Arthur: continue.
Mordred, trying to stay focused on Arthur instead of the once again glaring warlock beside him: so the prophecy says that the Once And Future King will unite the land of Albion, return magic to the land, and bring about a golden age of peace and prosperity for all. And Emrys is foretold to help him. * internally: please let be enough to satisfy him🥺😣😖*
Elyan: so the stories are about this king and Emrys is just there to help?
Mordred, sweating: um…
Gwaine: if that’s the case shouldn’t you druids be worshiping the king instead?
Sounds of agreement around the fire.
Leon to Mordred: is there more to us than that?
Mordred, under curious and intense gazes again: uh, yes… Emrys is a very powerful, immoral warlock said to—
“IMMORTAL??!!!” Merlin squawked, surprised.
Mordred, very nervous, whispers: ….um…yes………. *telepathically: did you not know?*
Merlin, telepathically: I am not immoral.
Mordred, telepathically: it’s what the prophecies say
Merlin, telepathically: they’re wrong
Mordred, telepathically: …um,, there’s a lot who say you are.
Merlin, telepathically: No. I’m NOT. I can’t be immortal. That’s ridiculous.
Mordred, telepathically: they say you are. That’s why the call you Emrys.
Merlin and Mordred continue to glare and the knights and Arthur look on wondering when those two got close enough to communicate only looks and without talking. Arthur is not jealous. Not. At. All. That would be ridiculous.(Yes he is, he’s the only one who’s supposed to communicate with Merlin silently. How dare Mordred)
Suddenly Merlin stands up: I’m going to wash the dishes *aggressively goes around the camp and grabs everyone’s dishes, then stomps into the woods to a nearby stream*
Arthur: you were saying Mordred?
Mordred: oh, right! Yes, so Emrys is said to be the most powerful warlock to ever live. He and the Once And Future King are said to be equals and without him the Golden Age can’t happen. While the Once And Future King is the king, Emrys is said to be his advisor and teacher of sorts. He also protects the Once And Future King and supports him any way he can.
The knights and king look thoughtful taking in this information. They ask Mordred more questions, just little stuff and clarifications, and Mordred, relaxing that he’s getting through this without blowing Emrys’ identity let it slip that “the time of the prophecy is upon us” and that Arthur is said to be the Once And Future King. Whoops.
Everyone around the campfire is now totally interested in this and wanting to know if it’s true and Mordred’s like “um… yeah, that’s what everyone is saying…” and REALLY wanting this conversation to be over with before he slips up about Merlin. He’s also really glad Merlin is still washing their dishes far enough away that he can’t hear the conversation.
Of course, just as Gwaine asks “if Arthur’s this Once And Future King, the where’s this Emrys guy?” Merlin returns in time to hear it.
Merlin, glaring at Mordred: what?
Mordred, telepathically: I’m sorry! I’m sorry! I’m sorry! I’m sorry! I’m sorry! 🥺
The group fills Merlin in on what he missed while Mordred continues to apologize endlessly. The knights then go back to asking Mordred about Emrys and he tries to navigate the questions without giving anything away while also dealing with a furious Merlin in his head telling him to “FIX THIS NOW!! And don’t you tell Arthur who I am!!” The poor boy!
Mordred continues to navigate the conversation mostly emphasizing how loyal Emrys is and how he and the Once And Future King are said to have a strong bond and there’s nothing to worry about when they start to question if Emrys is a threat. Eventually someone (probably Gwaine) brings up that Emrys doesn’t seem to be doing a very good job of protecting Arthur considering how other he’s encountered by magical thing. And Mordred, who knows how busy Merlin is and how hard he’s been working to protect Arthur (and that’s just since he’s become a knight! He knows there’s so much more he doesn’t know and is in even more awe of Emrys for handling it all) sees Merlin look over at Gwaine like he’s actually concerning strangling the man, says, “he’s very busy! And, he’s just one man! He’s really trying his best!!”
Mordred doesn’t realize what he said wrong and why everyone is quietly looking at him like that until Arthur asks, “You know him?”
Mordred, who just realized that he did kinda just admit to knowing a very powerful, immoral warlock to a king and his knights that are of a kingdom where magic is punishable by death: ……………uh
Arthur, realizing why Mordred looks so terrified: Mordred I understand you are a Druid and have grown up on stories of this man. I will not punish you for knowing him. I’m sure you’ve met many sorcerers.
Mordred, letting out a big breath of relief: thank you, sire. And yes, I have met him.
Arthur, nodding: I see. And he is in Camelot?
Mordred: yes, sire. He’s been working very hard to keep you and Camelot safe.
Arthur, looking at his other knights: I’ve never heard of anyone in the kingdom by that name, any of you?
Leon: he’s likely using a fake name.
Arthur: hmm. Yes that makes sense.
Mordred, wondering if he messed up again: uh, sire? Is something wrong?
Arthur, looking back at Mordred, and trying to reassure him: I wouldn’t really say something is wrong, per say, but the fact that there is an unknown and powerful sorcerer hiding in Camelot is something I need to be aware of. Since you’ve met him, do you know who he’s hiding out as?
Mordred, glancing subtly at Merlin who’s glaring at him threatening again, realizing he really f’ed up: ……
Arthur, realizing Mordred does know who Emrys is: who is he, Mordred?
Mordred: ……
Arthur, starting to lose his patience: Mordred. Who is he? Or does your loyalty lie with him first and me, your king, second?
Mordred, startled: No! That’s not it at all, sire! I’m very loyal to you! I swear it!
Arthur: then…
Mordred, sheepishly: well… in the prophecy you two are equals, so I’ve always weighed your words and orders as equal as well. And Emrys asked me not to reveal him, so…
Arthur: ……
The knights: ……
Merlin, telepathically: you’re not done yet, keep going. The prat’s not going to leave it at that.
Arthur, trying to figure out how to word it: Mordred… you do realize that that is…. worse, right?
Mordred: ????
Arthur: there is someone who one of my knights has valued their words as equal to my own who I have never met and know next to nothing about and who is a sorcerer. I have not appointed this man and if he were to contradict one of my orders… Do see how I really need to know who this man is?
Mordred: …but he’s loyal to you…🥺
Arthur, wondering if he’s actually going to have to turn this into an official interrogation: Mordred.
Tension rises again as Arthur keeps pushing and Merlin starts yelling in his head again and Mordred just Doesn’t Know What To Do. Please make this stop! Until he can’t take it anymore and just blurts out, “I’M EMRYS!!”
Silence.
Mordred can’t believe he just said that. Did he actually just claim to be THE Emrys? It feels sacrilegious. He peeks over at Merlin, but the man seems just as shocked as the rest of them at this development and raises an eyebrow in question.
Mordred, telepathically: …sorry? I didn’t know what to say…
Merlin, telepathically: ..no, im not mad at that. I am a bit curious about where you’ll go with this though…
Arthur: you’re Emrys?
Mordred, with Merlin’s permission to continue: yes. I’m Emrys.
Gwaine, whistles: damn mate, you’ve really been holding out on us!
Everyone looks at Mordred in a new light, trying to reconcile what they already knew about him with this new information.
Arthur: so you have magic then?
Mordred, nervously: yes.
More silence.
Gwaine, very interested and not at all wary: lots of it too being the most powerful and thought of as a deity.
Mordred, who is quite powerful, but not on Emrys’ level, obviously: yeah, I suppose.
After a bit more of an awkward and tense conversation of stilted sentences, and some debate about magic, Mordred and Merlin finally relax at the fact they’re both keeping their heads and the true identity of Emrys is secret. It was pretty much decided that Mordred had already sworn fealty to Arthur when he became a knight and even saved the king’s life in the Northern Plains, so he was most likely still trustworthy even though he was a sorcerer. Arthur and the knights are surprisingly okay with this turn of events; they’re still tense, but no one’s drawn their sword. Gwaine even asks Mordred to do some magic, and with Arthur’s very tense go ahead, Mordred levitates a water skin for a bit much to Gwaine’s delight. Gwaine keeps asking Mordred to do more magic as they head back to the castle like make things float and light some campfires.
I was thinking that it will mostly be about the antics from this point and how it would change things for the better. Like, now Merlin needs to enlist Mordred in his secret magical adventures and work together to keep Arthur and Camelot safe. The two would make such a funny dynamic. Merlin being all huffy and suspicious but begrudgingly including him while Mordred is so happy at being able to help his idol out, a dream come true for him.
The group ABSOLUTELY keeps Mordred’s magic and him being Emrys thing a secret at first, not sure when that’ll change but it definitely will. Gwaine probably spills about the prophecy and Arthur being the once and future king while he’s drunk in the tavern one night, but not about Mordred. The group eventually start warming up about magic and not being so wary of sorcerers since they’re now seeing Mordred using it to protect them so much. When the knights ask about what he’s done so far he tells them about Merlin’s achievements (with his permission, of course) and gets some more stories from him.
When the actual reveal comes it will be after word has already spread that Mordred is Emrys, so then Arthur and everyone will have to be like “no, that was a lie/misunderstanding, it’s actually Merlin” but people will still mistake Mordred for Emrys even years in the future. They’re never living this down.
Also there is DEFINITELY at least one scene where they go to a Druid camp and Arthur’s all like “yep, this is Mordred. Emrys” and the druids, telepathically, are like “boy, what are you doing? Mordred, you know you’re not Emrys.” And Mordred’s like “I have permission…” so the Druids subtly look at Merlin and he’s like “yeah, he’s got permission, just go with it” So, they do.
There’s also going to be scenes where Arthur is trying to get to know Mordred better because they apparently are supposed to have a super strong bond or whatever and yes, he and Mordred do have a bond, but he wouldn’t say it was any different than his bonds with his other knights and is all confused by it. And when he’s confiding in Merlin about it, he advises to not try and force it.
I know this is season 5 and Arthur and Gwen are married, BUT if you decide to go the merthur route, there can even be some prophecies about Emrys and the once and future king being soulmates and destined to be together or something. That would make Arthur even more confused/troubled because while Mordred is only a little over a decade younger than him (I headcanon that Arthur was 20-21 in 1st season and Mordred ~7-10) and age gaps that big weren’t unheard of, he just can’t look at Mordred that way. He’s too much like an innocent little puppy or something. Merlin is probably mortified because he can’t believe they have prophecies about his love life and why was he only finding out about this NOW?
Also, LANCELOT!!! Maybe there’s some way to actually bring him back from the dead. Or, there could be some scenes of him in Avalon watching this comedy unfold and talking and laughing about it with Will and Fraya and whoever else has died. And they’re all shaking their heads at the crazy situations Merlin gets himself into.
TL;DR: It’s basically crack about Merlin and Mordred working together to pass Mordred off as Emrys with a side of fix-it.
In the future I might decide to write this myself, but I’m in the middle of reading TGCF and want to finish that and a couple other things before I rewatch Merlin. It’s been a couple years since my last rewatch so things are a little fuzzy and I don’t want to completely mischaracterize someone. So, here, take it. Do with this what you want, but let me know if you write this or something, cause it would be supper fun to read.
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dr-death34156 · 9 months
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I have been saving funny fanfic clippings for years! THIS IS MY MOMENT TO SHINE!
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merlinjoyer · 9 months
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Merlin: Arthur... I'm in the hospital...
Arthur: god damnit, Merlin, you've been working there for ten years, stop doing it!
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morganaconda · 8 months
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themerlinrewrite · 10 months
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imagine if, at some point, merlin and mordred had to work on something magic-related together
arthur: where have you been?
merlin: i needed to pee
(later)
arthur: where were you? mordred, not knowing merlin used the same excuse: i needed to pee
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strawlessandbraless · 6 months
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15th anniversary rewatch of Merlin, a family show
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tongjaitongjai · 1 year
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AU where Arthur comes back after 1,500 years and Merlin thinks Excalibur sword is very outdated at this point. It is 21st Century and unsurprisingly sword is not the best choice of weapons, magic or not.
So, Merlin creates him lots of new weapons, and soon discovers that Arthur masters everything fast and is ridiculously good at adapting everything to fight. Because if Merlin is the greatest Warlock to ever walk on earth, then Arthur is the greatest Warrior ever to exist.
So, at one point Merlin is just having SO MUCH FUN discovering Arthur’s very OP warrior skill because this man can make everything he holds a legendary weapon.
Modern Magic People being rescused: THE King Arthur is here to save us from the evil beast! look at his shining Exca..li..bur…?
Arthur, holding a ~magical and forged by Dragon’s flame~ airfryer: DO NOT DISRESPECT EXCALIBUR #2461
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