#me when my autism (literally a disability) disables me ???!!
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i know its not like the disability olympics or whatever but as someone who was unable to function unless I was homeschooled my entire life because one attempted semester of highschool made me genuinely psychotic & unable to function in a group, its interesting how autism as a disorder has just been watered down to this commodified "consumerist" identity where people have deluded themselves into thinking theres something Wrong with them if literally all they do is have passionate interests but oh make sure you dont do anything Actually weird cuz thats "jobless / loser / etc" behavior . that + th whole sweep of th word "neurodivergent" which is a catch-all that means nothing in th grand scheme of things .
#hudson.txt#idfk man like ik we all mask to certain degrees and im obviously faring mentally and socially . way better#then i ever did as a teenager / early adulthood#bcuz I actually try not to get trapped in my own misery all th time like I used to for years#but we have to like Face th reality that some of you guys have zero sympathy for genuinely “disabled” autistics#who are potentially / were at one point “dangerous” to themselves or others or cant do basic tasks or talk to themselves etc etc#not to mention having autism alongside other schizospec / psychotic mental health shit going on#you just like being in a group of people who share similar interests thats literally normal everyone in HS did that#talk to me when u actually were isolated cuz everyone thought you were too weird / poor / unkempt / dangerous to be around
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tell me why i can hear another tenants fucking music from my flat. HE DOESNT EVEN LIVE IN MY BUILDING. HE LIVES IN A COMPLETELY SEPARATE BUILDING ON THE SECOND FLOOR AND I CAN HEAR HIS MUSIC FROM MY FLAT. MY FLAT WHICH IS IN A DIFFERENT SEPARATE BUILDING.
#and staff just say ‘oh we can’t do anything bc its not 11pm yet.’#ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS.#i am autistic person who has just spent a full 12hrs in extremely overstimulating public spaces#i am exhausted and i have had to wake up at ass o’clock in the fucking morning#every day for the past like week and a half and will be expected to do so for the forseeable future#i am extremely sensitive to noise and have no ability to zone things out#like everything is always at the same volume for me#all the fucking time no matter what#and they say like oh well in the community there wouldnt be anything to be done so we cant do anything here#BUT WE ARENT IN THE COMMUNITY. ARE WE. WE ARE AT A SUPPORTED LIVING ACCOMMODATION WHERE I HAVE BEEN PLACED#BY MY LOCAL AUTHORITY WHO ARE PAYING TWENTY THREE GRAND A YEAR#AND I AM PAYING FIVE HUNDRED A MONTH#IN ORDER TO RECIEVE SUPPORT FOR MY DISABILITIES. A BIG ONE BEING MY FUCKING AUTISM.#YOU KNOW. THE ONE WHICH IS BEING DIRECTLY IMPACTED BY THE BEHAVIOUR OF ANOTHER TENANT.#WHEN I AM BEING PUSHED TO MY LIMIT ALREADY. LIKE IDK FEELS KINDA CRAZY THAT THIS ISNT SOMETHING THAT CAN BE SORTED.#i fucking hate men there is just literally no fucking respect or consideration like its genuinely disgusting and so fucking infuriating#and like he says that staff (women. btw) are being too naggy about it. but never fucking stops to consider that maybe.#maybe people wouldnt have to ‘nag’ you about it IF YOU JUST. DIDNT DO THE THING THAT IS ACTIVELY CAUSING OTHER PEOPLE STRESS.#IDK FUCKING WILD IDEA JUST THOUGHT OF IT.#literally die i want everyone involved to die like I CANNOT DO THISSSSSSSSSSSS
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every time someone says "you're not ______ if you dont have a diagnosis" i'm just like. babes do you think that my diagnosis just. disabled me. was i not disabled before i had a diagnosis
#not to mention that professional diagnosis is really hard to get because the 'profesionals' are really often racist - sexist - ableist#transphobic and a lot more#and it's expensive! not everyone has that type of money!!#sorry i didnt conform to your societal standard of being professionally diagnosed king should i just kill myself#also it's not a fucking competition! stop randomly approaching me for NO FUCKING REASON when i am literally just GRABBING MY BOOKS and#telling me youre MORE DISABLED THAN ME#IT IS NOT A COMPETITION!!!!#anyway. sorry about the rant#autistic#disabled#neurodivergent#self diagnosis#pro self diagnosis#i'm professionally diagnosed with autism but i also have adhd and thats a self diagnosis#and i was self (and friend) diagnosed before i was professionally diagnosed
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its so disheartening to see non autistics comfort 30 year old mothers complaining about their autistic children
#like idk#it makes me want to throw up and i feel like everytime it happens an angel is being crushed like a bug under the devils heel#lmao but uh#been seeing a lot of people complain about autism#and im seeing way more “im autistic but i know when to shut up!” like uhrrrr ki#and its probably... not autistic people themselves...#no... playing pretend as a kid doesnt mean you have autism#or doing the imaginay computer thing with the paper#or stimming#like#stimming as an autistic person is waaaaaay different than stimming cus ure bored or waiting for something#like that is quite literally my homeostasis in action or whatever#i think idk how it works#if i cant do it im sorry but im literally what you will call inconvinient#like im glad autistic people are having fun and doing silly little memes for ourselves but#so many people want in now...#and they're just really disrespectful and really ableist#AND YES YOU CAN BE DISABLED AND ABLEIST?????#LIKE ??????#its like how with sia being autistic doesnt make her film okay its fucking awful and disgusting and its so depresseing as an autistic perso#she still belittled and made autistic children seem like inconviniences or hurdles in a neurotypicals life#same thing with the good doctor except i think no one there was autistic#which by the way i also thought it was weird how people made fun of that hand dryer scene thing#that was also disgusting#i cant believe the amount of “im autistic and i would just walk aways” i saw#like i actually felt sick seeing that sentiment spread#im sorry if im being overly sensitive but this is also extremely heartbreaking for me to see and i know im not the only one
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one of those days where i’ve spent majority of my time just staring at the wall listening to music and have been up since 2am yet haven’t left my bed lol sometimes i forget this isn’t a normal thing for a lot of ppl unless they’re like sick or smthing bcs i’ve been thinking like well this fucking sucks and i would definitely rather be dead and i’m so dizzy but i have an excuse this time at least i did stressful stuff the past two days so this is fine
#me when my autism (literally a disability) disables me ???!!#me when i’m probably depressed (and have been for years) and i act depressed ????!!????!?#i’m ok though just to be clear it actually is just wtvr yk#idk if this post is worded in a way that makes sense#i mean like i wish i wasn’t so like this and just normal. fucking. life. wasn’t so draining#like why am i so fucking tired i really shouldn’t be this disappointing
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pleeeeease stop befriending disabled and/or “weird” people in the hopes your ~love~ will cure us. it won’t work. you don’t live in one of them glurgy inspiration-porn movies. we’re not wrinkles in a blanket you need to smooth out.
and don’t try to frame it as “this person must just be ~special~ among us boring humans” either. i’m disabled. i’m not ashamed of it to the point of trying to make it sound like a good thing. if you feel like i am, maybe you’re the one feeling ashamed and projecting it onto me.
if you hate the thought of dealing with a person’s disabilities so much you feel like you need to define it as something it isn’t, just save everyone’s time and energy by leaving us alone.
#if you’re gonna befriend me then befriend ME#not the person you think i could become#zombie talks#disability#mental illness#autism#ableism#just remembering middle and high school#when classmates would see me by myself and think “oh no she’s so lonely i’d better go help her”#and truth be told i was#but then they’d get to know how weird i am and distance themselves#you can practically hear them think “oh god no wonder she has no friends”#i get that they meant well and they probably didn’t literally think those words#but in the end it was more about them seeing an aberration to fix in their lives than it was about my feelings#and then realizing that aberration was here to stay no matter what they did#i’m sorry i wasn’t secretly a normal person who just needed the weirdness peeled off of me like an orange#maybe that’s your problem and not mine
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I am feeling a little disappointed in myself, because my autism isn’t compatible with Going Shopping, and thus I’m always suffering from needing to buy things (food, clothes, bedding, medicine)
But the other day I went to a new doctor, and it DIDN’T overwhelm me. Why? The lights were dimmed everywhere except a warm-colored light over the receptionist’s area. The only sound was an almost-muted TV. There were a lot of people in the waiting room but there was enough space to let everyone sit 6+ feet from each other.
All the walls and furniture were darker colors, and soft sunlight filtered in through the windows, and it was quiet and calm.
I take a lot of comfort knowing that the world can be easier to navigate when accommodations are made.
#I didn’t even have someone with me to help me feel safe like I usually do#and it was a new doctor entirely so everything was new#but it felt entirely okay????? not overwhelming????? I am envious that people without sensory issues aren’t disabled by lights and sounds#i wish I could be a Autism Accomodation Advisor and places would pay me to come and tell them ways to make their place more accessible#it would be so easy to just. use warmer lights and lower the background noise.#instead I’m a fuckin cashier 🙄 it’s so annoying to be treated like unskilled labor when I have a very diverse and extensive skillset#I’m so glad they decided to raise the starting pay of the cashiers because they deserve financial compensation for being treated badly#I just wish I could influence my world and make it better. I can’t even make my OWN store more accessible. the managers can’t fathom#that I’m capable of a lot of stuff and that I could really improve things#I’m not even being like. dramatic. we had another employee like that and the store has literally suffered daily since they fired him for#wanting some time off >:/ i am powerless under capitalism#I just want the world to stop actively becoming incompatible with me lol.#sorenhoots
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people on diets always have a superiority complex about it… like can you be normal?!
#@ my mom shut up#you actually don’t have to judge everyone else in the world it’s actually how people can form disordered eating which you should know about#since you have an ed AND you help your kids get them too#my mom will literally judge people stuck in different parts of diet culture like you USED TO BE THEM#you just found a different diet that you think is the answer to everything#this woman makes me want to explode she actually told me (a person with disordered eating and has food sensitivities and autism)#that eating processed foods wasn’t better then not eating at ALL#BRO THE FUCK#yes tell your child who has struggled to eat enough for years and has sensory issues and is disabled so making food is hard that#they shouldn’t eat if it’s not ‘healthy’#when you don’t eat enough people tell you to eat more and when you are able to they say oh NO not like THAT!!#sorry i just she makes me want to scream#rey actually speaks#ask to tag#ed tw#ed mention
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girls with fathers who are cunts when their father is a cunt
[ID: the surprised pikachu meme. /end ID]
#elli rambles#who do think my social anxiety & autism affect more: you or me??#do you think I’m not aware that it keeps me from doing things? do you think I don’t struggle with it?#do you not know how incredibly frustrated with myself I am for not being able to do this shit?#bitch this is one of the things I’m literally in therapy for it’s not as simple as ‘just doing it’#and why do you continue when I’m already crying and you know how I’ll react to you saying shit like that#‘well my parents would have–’ have you ever thought about the fact that might have been a shitty action too?#also you don’t have anxiety and autism!! you don’t have disabilities that keep you from doing shit!! the situation is different!!!#vent#sorry I just needed to let it all out#one thing about being scared of conflict is fleeing to your room and making a vent post on tumblr dot com instead of telling your dad how#his cuntery makes you feel and also how his arguments are wrong
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also I think I might be autistic?
#oh my god all the bullying my parents do is just bullying traits associated with autism#<not counting shit like gaslighting and sa obviously>#I was shamed out of hand flapping when excited around 9#maybe 10?#and mostly just fucking with me because I take everything they say literally :( why#hit me when they were fucking with me just now#I mean I know a lot of it is I get really emotionally invested bc like. usually we're arguing about something Genuinely Important like#racism or trans people or disabilities and like. even if I don't have a personal stake in the conversation I get super emotional#bc it's important to me that the people I love are not shitty people#eye contact is extremely uncomfortable and even painful with anyone except my wife and if we're tense at all it's a Nope#Sensory Stuff#the masking? maybe idk that's difficult bc like#I mean it's always hard to separate stuff out bc of the system but like. am I autistic?????#@ Liza if ur reading this: hi. uh. same hat? both ignoring we're wearing a hat at all?#if any autistic systems are reading this 1) I love you with my whole heart 2) I'd love to hear from u#my wife is not a system to be clear we're both just like NOPE DEFFINITELY ALLISTIC HERE. YUP.
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just made the same cup of coffee three times and now i'm crying how's your evening going
#so i'm at work and we didn't use to serve coffe but now we do#and i have never made coffee before in my life#and it should be fairly simple bc it's instant#but i forget to turn the machine on when i get to work#and then this guy tells me his coffee is 'freezing cold'#which it literally wasn't it was literally warm but apprently coffee is supposed to burn the roof of your mouth or whatever#i say sorry and then try not to cry bc i feel stupid#and then i go wait for the water to heat up more and i keep putting some in a cup to test how hot it is#i think it's hot enough but after i've made it i start panicking it's not hot enough#and the sink is broken so i go outside to poor it down the drain#and then i TRIP and spill it all over my hand#turns out it was hot enough bc i burned my whole hand and started actually crying#i don't get to the cold water fast enough so it stings like a bitch#then i go make the coffee AGAIN (while crying) and try to calm down#i go give the guy his coffee and say sorry it took so long and i pretend the machine is broken bc i'm so fucking embarrassed#this time he seems nice and says thank you but idk if it's cos he heard me crying or not#i try to hold it in but i accidentally make a weird noise while walking away and i'm hoping he didn't hear me#and yeah now i feel stupid AND i hurt myself#girlies do not believe anyone who says autism isn't a disability 😔#just realised i misspelled coffee in the first tag but i'm on mobile and am not going back to change it lmao#how to be cringe 101#i may delete this idk i don't normally vent on here but i needed to talk abt it to calm myself down#and i can't call either of my parents bc of the stupid *******#sorry i'll stop i honestly feel better now
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As a late diagnosed autist I will say one of the most damaging but transformative experiences I've ever had was being misdiagnosed with BPD.
Everyday my heart goes out to people with BPD.
The amount of stigma and silencing they face is astonishing and sickening.
I took DBT for years. Therapists use to turn me away because of my diagnosis.
I would be having full blown autistic meltdowns, crying for help literally - but because I was labeled as BPD ANY time I cried I was treated as manipulative and unstable.
As if the only reason I could be crying was if I was out to trick someone.
95% of the books out there with Borderline in the title are named shit like 'How to get away from a person with Borderline', 'How to stop walking on eggshells (with a person who has BPD)'
I was never allowed to feel true pain or panic or need.
That was 'attention seeking behavior', not me asking for help when a disability was literally inhibiting my ability to process emotions.
There were dozens of times where I had a full meltdown and was either threatened with institutionalization or told I was doing it for attention.
My failing relationships weren't due to a communication issue, or the inability to read social cues. No, because I was labeled borderline, my unstable relationships were my fault. Me beggong nuerotypicals to just be honest and blunt with what they meant was me pestering them for validation.
Borderline patients can't win.
And the funny thing is - I asked my therapist about autism. I told her I thought I was on the spectrum.
BPD is WILDLY misdiagnosed with those with autism and I had many clear signs.
Instead - she told me 'If you were autistic we wouldn't be able to have this conversation'. She made me go through a list of autistic traits made clearly for children, citing how I didn't fit each one.
And then she told me that me identifying with the autism community was the BPD making me search for identity to be accepted - and that I wasn't autistic, just desperate to fit in somewhere.
I didn't get diagnosed for another ten years. For ten years I avoided the autism community - feeling as if I were just a broken person who wanted to steal from people who 'really needed it'.
Because of my providers - I began to doubt my identity MORE, not less.
Ten years of thinking I was borderline and being emotionally neglected and demonized by a system meant to help me.
To this day, I still don't trust neurotypicals. Not fully.
I know I'm not borderline now - but my heart aches for them. Not for the usual stuff. But for the stigma. And the asshole doctors. And the dismissiveness and threatening and the idea of institutionalization hanging over their head.
I love Borderline people. I always will. I'm not Borderline but if you are I love you and I'm sorry.
You're not a bad person. You're not a therapists worst nightmare, you are a human with valid feelings and fears.
Borderline people I'm sorry.
#autism#bpd#borderline personality disorder#actually autistic#neurodivergent#neurodivergency#neurodiversity#cluster b
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will forever bemoan my mom getting into pseudoscience bullshit but at least it can be funny sometimes such as being seriously asked if i'd let her hypnotize me
#bonk.txt#''it helps with anxiety'' ''there are less concerning ways to manage that'' <- real ass exchange i had with my mom#idk if im using the term pseudoscience correctly just know my mom is an ancient aliens fan#theres definitely like actual concerning problems* but also it frequently loops back into being absurd enough that i just laugh#''hypnosis can help with anxiety'' you sound like a cartoon villain#*her telling me about one of the ''doctors'' found a method to ''cure'' autism n got mad when i asked if anyone other than him reviewed it#two things first she literally knows my stance on ''curing'' disability ive been vocally anti eugenics around her#second me n my siblings are all autistic n both me n my brother got diagnosed as kids so -_-
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human condition: i have lower back pain that will Not go away, but the only way for it to is massage therapy, which i will not do because i'm autistic and it would literally render me immobile and braindead to have someone touch me for more than 2 seconds.
#im DEEPLY touch adversed#and it shuts me down#genuinely the consult yesterday (where the guy just like did the points test and whatever) made me melt fucking down#and all i did all day was read my friends' fic to fucking cope#im nOT about to fucking give up my thesis and my mobility and my social life for my back#i can endure physical pain#i will literally die#i will literally kill myself#if someone touches me for an hour every day#so yeah the disability disables me whooptie fucking do#this is what people say when it comes down to “autism is a superpower” its a disability and it it disables me#and makes me unwantable and hard for me to live
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Heat Intolerance
This disability pride month I'd like to talk about heat intolerance. Because honestly although it's not the first health issue that presented symptoms in my life. It was the first time I was like "I don't think my body works right".
And honestly given disability pride month is during one of the hottest months in the year. It seems fitting. Especially because there's a lot of disabilities and medications that cause it.
What is heat intolerance?
Simply speaking it's the inability for the body to regulate it's temperatures especially in hot settings to cool itself down.
Why is awareness important?
Because gaslighting people or worse not providing them a place to cool down just because you "feel fine" is extremely fucking dangerous.
What are the medicines that can cause heat intolerance?
Antihistamines (Allergy medications) . Decongestants (Sudafed or any medication that has the D at the end of it). Stimulants (ADHD medications. Steroids. Caffeine.) Beta-blockers (blood pressure medications). Overactive bladder treatment. Psychiatric medications (including but not limited to medications for depression and anxiety). Pain relievers. Antibiotics.
What medical conditions can cause heat intolerance?
EDS (Elhers-Danlos syndrome). Autism. ADHD. Migraines. Brain/spinal-cord injury. Sensory processing disorder. Chronic fatigue syndrome. Endocrin problems. POTS. Menopause. Hypothyroidism. Diabetes. Heart Disease. Multiple sclerosis. Mental health disorders.
What should I do if I suspect I have heat intolerance?
Reduce time outside during hot months. Keep your electrolytes up. Drink plenty of water. Stay out of the sun whenever possible if outside. Be aware of the symptoms of heat exhaustion and heat stroke.
Clothes that are best worn for heat intolerance. Loose lightweight breathable fabrics. Natural fibers. Long sleeves that protect from sunburn as sunburns will increase your risk. Light clothes that reflect light. Wide brimmed hats that shade the face and neck.
Cool. So what are those symptoms I'm supposed you be looking for?
Headaches. Excessive fatigue. Mood changes. Muscle cramping or weakness. Nausea/ vomiting. Rapid heartbeat. Excessive sweating or not sweating at all.
When should I do to the doctor?
If you suspect you have heat intolerance you can go to your PCP to discuss what medications you may be on and what you can do about it. Otherwise, please go to the emergency room if you have symptoms of heat stroke.
This is good information and all but why are you making this post?
To raise awareness. Not just for the people that have it but weren't aware of what it was called. But for all of the idiots that tried to gaslight me when I was in school because I was like "I don't think this is normal. Every time we do our mile run outside I vomit all over the place but other kids aren't doing that."
Also because people always blame me for over heating if I wear long sleeves or pants. I always like to take notes from what people in the middle east wear because they literally live in the excessive heat and spend long hours in the excessive heat. Often in clothing that covers most of their body. They've gotta know what they're doing, right?
I have some type of xenophobic comment about why people from the middle east cover up
Shut the fuck up 😊
-fae
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you know how parents get divorced and hate each other when they lose a child well it’s like that but my mom to me
#there was like a ‘honeymoon’ time where she told me she loved me daily and gave hugs which hasn’t happened since 2018 and that didn’t last#and now she wants nothing to do with me bc apparently i’m a horrible manipulative piece of shit#me: self harms is scared and asked for help my mom: mad at me like when my sister did she held her and comforted her and called the crisis#response team to make sure she’s ok and im just manipulater with nothing wrong with me#she fucking asked me in not a good tone if i was ok i said no i’m not ok and she said in a tone well obviously no one is ok with this i’m#talking about right now like no i just self harmed for the first time in years im a scared sobbing mess and she didn’t care#yesterday i told her i was mad at myself and i wish she would’ve stopped me impulsively spending bc it’s a super unhealthy coping mechanism#and trigger and she knows that and then she fucking encourages me to buy something then i ask for help and she’s mad at me she hasn’t even#looked at me today like this why i’ve spent my entire life not telling her how i’m feeling or struggling because it does more harm than good#like what are you supposed to do when your mom hates you no i can’t move out i have autism and i’m disabled and can’t work#there were 3 weeks of me thinking she actually did care and actually meant it when she said she loved me but that’s over so now i just sit#in my room alone trying to cope with my brother dying and my mom not liking me and worrying about my sister bc she’s in such a fragile state#all i want to do is talk to her about how i’m feeling and i can’t because it will send her into a rage and she will literally fucking hate#me and want me out of the house#idk i’m 27 i should just shut the fuck up and move on i’ve done it for 23 years i can just fucking continue it is what it is#shut the fuck up taylor
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