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tattywritingsonthewall · 9 months

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Chapter 1: The Beginning.

I know this took me forever. I was dealing with some personal family issues and I found myself in a writing rut. I also re-wrote this whole thing a bunch of times. It’s a long one. It takes place in 2008, before she finished Fearless. Note: I am NOT saying any of this is true or that I believe it is. It IS a fanfiction after all. There is some belief that they did meet on MySpace… do I think it happened like I wrote? No. But let me have my writing.

I don’t own anyone in this little world I write in. I would never want to own anyone. Please excuse if the writing is off - PCS sucks. I was listening to Robbers & Long Live a lot when i got inspired to go this direction. There’s a lot of references in here…. Kudos if you can find them. I WILL be putting this on Archive once I figure out how….

Enjoy!

Taylor's heart raced in her chest; a mixture of panic and longing engulfed her. She wished for Matty to enclose her in his arms and tell her the things she had been too terrified to voice. But as time passed, she became more scared that he didn't care about her at all—all the emotions she'd believed they shared were just a silly online romance with an emerging country star that he could brag to his mates back home about.

Taylor and Matty had met on MySpace a few months earlier. At first, she could hardly believe that he had responded to her message but as they talked more and exchanged messages on AOL messenger, Taylor slowly grew closer to him. Despite the thousand of miles separating them, it felt as if they were meant to be together. But when Taylor suggested meeting up in person, she was filled with a strange mix of apprehension and excitement. She knew it was a daring move to ask him to fly all the way from England, but without hesitation, he agreed. Could their relationship survive the distance once he went back home? What if he made it as a musician too? These questions, and more raced through Taylor’s mind as she nervously awaited his arrival.

He psyched himself up by running through every detail of her in his mind. Every single lock of hair, the crinkles around her eyes when she laughed, and the upturned corners of her lips when she saw him. Even though their webcams weren't top-of-the-line, he could tell that she was exquisite. Her voice sounded like a sweet melody, but looked like an angel descended from above. He thought about meeting her in person for days on end, until her image was branded onto his brain. Once he finally looked upon her with his own eyes, he knew there would be no going back; he'd either make it work with her or die trying.

Taylor was dressed in black denim shorts and a black, ribbed tank top. She pulled her blonde hair into a ponytail and her sunglasses shielding her eyes from the bright June sun. The shorts had tears at the knees that exposed light skin, while the straps of the top rested on her shoulders, leaving most of her back bare.

Matty stepped off the plane, taking in the new environment with wide eyes. The heat of the sun felt like a soothing blanket on his skin and he smiled as he walked forward, towards the woman who had been in his thoughts for days. Taylor was just as beautiful as he remembered; her face lit up as she saw him approach the waiting area, her blue eyes sparkling in the sun.

He smiled back at her. His clothes were casual but still stylish—a black My Chemical Romance t-shirt and torn up black skinny jeans that made him look like a rock star. He wore dark sunglasses that concealed his gaze but did not hide the emotion behind it.

Taylor took in every inch of him as they stood there in their moment of silent understanding. She could feel what he felt without having to hear it; they both knew that something extraordinary was happening between them.

And then, the moment arrived. Through the sliding glass doors, Matty emerged. Their eyes met across the sea of faces and a profound recognition washed over Taylor. It was as if she had found a piece of her soul she hadn't known was missing until that moment.Like two magnets, they were drawn to each other. The familiarity of Matty's face, so well-known from their digital interactions, yet so fresh in person, was a mirror reflecting her own emotions. As he got closer, she could see her own joy, anxiety, and anticipation mirrored in his eyes.

"Hi, Taylor," he greeted her, his thick English accent carrying the warmth of their countless online exchanges. Her lips stretched into a genuine smile.

“Hello, Matty,” she responded with a quiver in her voice

Their conversation flowed naturally, as if they were merely picking up from a previous encounter rather than meeting for the first time. It was as if they were two halves of the same soul finally coming together. However, the euphoria of meeting Matty was more than just an intense wave of happiness for Taylor. It was a trigger to a journey of self-discovery. She saw in Matty aspects of herself she had never realized before. The realization was overwhelming, slightly daunting, but also liberating. This moment wasn't just about meeting Matty, it was about finding a part of herself too. As they walked together away from the gate towards her awaiting father, Taylor knew that their shared journey was only just beginning.

They spent the next few weeks exploring the country together as she travelled for her music. He was in absolute awe over everything she was as a performer. As they wandered the cities and towns of the United States, Matty could not help but feel as if he was seeing his old life for the first time through new eyes. As though he had been to these places before--in another lifetime.

Yet, there was something almost magical about the southern town of Nashville. The sun shone hotter on his face here; despite being July, it felt like early summer daybreak on a field of fresh grass, with dew clinging to blades bearing beginnings. Everything around him was still coming into its own.

Their relationship was like a match head, igniting the air around them from the smallest touch or word. They were young and wild, always going out for adventure together. The attraction between them was magnetic; they told each other their secrets and hung on every word, drawing inspiration from one another to live life to the fullest.

Few Weeks After Airport

After her interview, Taylor arrived home, her spirit brimming with excitement. As she approached her house, she spotted Matty sitting under a tree, a notepad in his lap, his hair tussled by the wind.

He looked up, momentarily startled as she bent down and kissed his cheek. "Hey, stranger," she murmured against his skin.

A slow smile spread across his face, "Hey yourself, superstar," he replied before pulling her into a deeper kiss.

The world seemed to pause as they enjoyed their tender moment.

"Let's go for a walk, Matty," Taylor suggested when they broke apart, but he shook his head, his hand already reaching for his forgotten notepad.

"No, let's stay here," he murmured.

Taylor couldn't resist his smile. "My parents are out, and Austin’s with his girlfriend," she revealed. "We've got the house all to ourselves."

Taking the hint, they made their to the living room, unable to contain their eagerness. The glow of the television illuminated their faces in a wild fire of desire, barely pausing for a glance at the movie playing before being drawn back to each other. Their kisses ignited something in Taylor; a craving that could only be filled by Matty deepening with every passing second.

"Matty," Taylor whispered breathlessly between passionate kisses, her heart pounding like thunder in her chest. "Let's... let's go upstairs."

He hesitated for only a moment before nodding, his eyes blazing with unspoken promises and longing. Hand in hand, they leapt up the stairs as if their lives depended on it. In the quiet of the house, their feverish footfalls echoed like drums across the walls. Nothing else mattered. It was just Taylor and Matty, two pieces of one destiny on an path towards eternity – each step bringing them closer than ever before.

As they reached the top of the stairs, Matty's face broke into a playful grin. With a soft laugh, he swooped down and lifted Taylor off her feet as though she were a bride crossing a threshold. She let out a surprised laugh, her arms instinctively wrapping around his neck.

Matty looked into her eyes, his own filled with joy. "You know," he said, his voice low, "when we're older, and we get married, I promise to do that for real."

Taylor's heart fluttered at his words. "Promise?" she asked, her voice barely above a whisper.

Matty nodded, his eyes never leaving hers. "Promise," he affirmed, sealing his vow with a soft kiss on her forehead.

Her room was a sanctuary that reflected Taylor's personality perfectly. The room was a blend of coziness and style, colored in soft pastels and punctuated with bursts of vibrant hues. Vintage posters adorned the walls, paying tribute to her musical influences, while a turntable sat on a side table, a testament to her love for vinyl records. Her guitar rested in one corner, its wooden finish gleaming under the soft glow of the fairy lights strung across the room.

A large bay window overlooked the yard, the tree under which Matty had been writing just a while ago visible in the moonlight. The room held an intimate warmth, the subtle scent of vanilla and old books emanating from various corners, making it a comforting cocoon away from the world.

With the utmost care, Matty laid her down on the large, plush bed covered in a quilt of mismatched patches. The moment her back hit the mattress, she reached up, grabbing him by the shirt and pulling him down to her. Their lips met in a passionate kiss, a promise of the deep connection they shared. There, in the sanctity of her room, under the soft glow of the fairy lights, they lost themselves in each other, the world outside forgotten in the intensity of their shared moment.

As Matty stroked his fingers down her cheek, Taylor leaned in to kiss him. He kissed her slowly and thoroughly, as if he was savoring the taste of strawberries on her lips, or the scent of fresh flowers that had gathered in her hair from one of their many walks in the woods.

Matty pulled back a little, his eyes scanning hers. "I don't want to rush you," he said.

She smiled at him and pulled off her tank top. His hesitation faded away as he read the confidence in her eyes. The touch of cool air against her skin stirred the embers that had grown between them over the past few days. It wasn't just about physical desire, it was about the emotional bond they shared, the spiritual connection that had drawn them together from different parts of the world. They were on this journey together, a journey of deepening their bond and exploring their shared connection. As moonlight bathed the room, they continued to explore this new chapter of their relationship, guided by their mutual respect, love, and a deep understanding.

Many hours later, Taylor and Matty lay in a tight embrace beneath the sheets. Her head rested on his chest, listening to the steady rhythm of his heartbeat until she drifted off to sleep. The two of them held each other tightly, an outward representation of their unspoken connection.

Taylor jolted awake as Matty's breathing changed. His eyes were fixed on her with a strange and mysterious look. The movement had pulled her out of her sleep, and she found herself trying to decipher the expression in his gaze.

The room was silent, only filled with the gentle rustle of the bedsheets and a faint background noise from outside. Suddenly, he spoke up, his voice ringing out with stark emotion that made her heart flutter. "You're my best friend," he declared, his words reverberating in the hushed atmosphere.

In that moment, something clicked inside Taylor. The look in his eyes, the tenderness of his voice, and the depth of his words revealed a truth she had sensed but never fully comprehended. Matty was in love with her, deeply and irrevocably. The realization filled her with a warmth that spread through her entire being, echoing the rhythm of their shared heartbeat under the moonlit sky.

At his confession, her eyes welled up with tears, a mix of joy and profound affection. Without a word, she reached up to him, pressing her lips to his in a passionate kiss, a silent declaration of her own feelings. Matty responded instantly, his arms tightening around her as he kissed her back.

Eventually, he broke the kiss, pulling back to gaze into her eyes. His expression was conflicted, a struggle visible in his eyes as if he wanted to say something but was holding back.

Taylor, noticing his hesitation, found the courage within her to vocalize her own feelings. "I love you, Matty," she said, her voice trembling with the magnitude of her admission. Each word was a leap, a declaration that laid her heart bare to him, echoing the truth she had realized moments ago. And with it, the room filled with a new intensity, a shared confession of love that transcended their previous understanding.

Matty looked at her, stunned at her admission. His eyes searched hers, as if making sure he'd heard her right. Then, his expression softened, a tender smile spreading across his face. The conflict in his eyes melted away, replaced by a depth of love that mirrored hers.

"Oh, Taylor," he breathed, his voice barely a whisper. "I... I love you too." His words, simple yet packed with sincerity, hung in the air between them, binding them even closer.

He cupped her face in his hands, his thumbs wiping away the few tears that had trickled down her cheeks. "I've loved you for a while now," he admitted, his gaze steady on hers. "I've just been scared."

His admission, genuine and heartfelt, resonated with her own feelings. In that intimate space of their shared confessions, they found a deeper understanding of their relationship. Their love, declared and reciprocated, had elevated their bond to a whole new level, further strengthening the powerful connection they already shared.

Taylor absorbed his words, her heart thudding in her chest. She watched him, her eyes bright with unshed tears. It felt as though the air between them was charged, their admissions of love transforming their relationship into something even more profound.

"Matty," she whispered, her voice choked with emotion. She reached up to gently touch his face, her fingers tracing the contours of his cheek. Matty pulled her closer, his lips finding hers in a passionate, affirming kiss. As their bodies melded together, their shared love creating a palpable heat between them, they lost themselves in the moment, the world outside forgotten.

The sound of a door crashing open violently sliced through the air like a blade, breaking Matty and Taylor's moment together. Adrenaline coursed through their veins as they broke apart and whirled towards the source of the sound. There in the doorway was Scott, her father, his face contorted with fury and his eyes searing holes into them. The oppressive silence stretched on for eternity, hanging heavy between Matty and Taylor like a noose.

"What the hell do you think you're doing with my daughter?" Scott's voice was low and dangerous. Matty stumbled, trying to push Scott away, but he was no match for the older man's strength.

Matty's heart raced as Scott glared at him, his fists balled up and trembling. He could feel the rage radiating off of Scott in waves.

"Please, Mr Swift," he pleaded, "I lov--"

"Don't you dare say that word!" Scott growled, pushing Matty towards the door. His face was twisted with an unmeasurable anger. "I forbid you from ever seeing her again. I mean it Matthew," he snarled, getting closer to Matty's face. "Stay the hell away from my daughter.”

Scott's words were like a knife, cutting deeply and painfully into Matty's heart. He stumbled out of the door, eyes full of tears, and glanced at Taylor's door with an ache in his chest. Part of him wanted desperately to stay, but his pride kept him away from her door. He couldn't bear the thought of her seeing him so broken.

The silence in Taylor's room is a stifling tension, her and Scott's breathing the only sounds to slice the stillness. Suddenly, Scott's voice breaks through the quiet, low but filled with a mixture of an anger and disbelief.

"What the fuck just happened in here?"

Taylor remains frozen on the bed, her mind racing at breakneck speed as she struggles to comprehend what unfolded before her eyes. She can feel the weight of Scott's gaze pressing down on her, waiting for an answer that she cannot give.

"Taylor, answer me!" Scott's voice escalates into a shout.

In a sudden fit of rage, Taylor dresses quickly and storms out of the house without looking back, deaf to her father's pleas for her to stay. Tears stream down her face as she runs full tilt down the street, thoughts consumed by Matty and how unfair it all is.

Taylor drew closer to the park, relishing in its small sense of comfort and solitude. She had been running for what felt like hours, her mind a maelstrom of tears and emotions. Finally, as she made her way deeper into the park, she noticed someone sitting on a bench staring off into the distance.

As she got closer, Taylor realized who it was: Matty. His eyes were distant and had an unreadable expression that Taylor couldn't place. Her heart started racing with a mixture of joy and fear - joy at seeing him again and fear at being so close yet feeling so far away from him.

Matty must have sensed her presence as he slowly turned his head in her direction. He seemed surprised but pleased to see her standing there, but something in his gaze told Taylor that he had been expecting this moment all along.

"Hey," he said softly, his voice barely audible over the sound of the wind rustling through the trees nearby.

"Hi," Taylor replied, taking a step closer towards him before stopping unsurely in front of him.

He nodded towards the empty space next to him on the bench and she hesitantly sat down, still unsure of what to say or do next. The silence stretched out between them until finally Matty spoke up again breaking the tension that hung over them like a heavy fog.

"I'm sorry," he said quietly, not making eye contact with her as he spoke. "I'm sorry for everything."

Taylor's heart ached at hearing those words come from Matty's lips; it was clear to see from his face how much pain and regret he felt about their situation despite how hard he tried to mask it with a stoic expression.

Taylor looked up into Matty's eyes, feeling a sudden surge of emotions racing through her veins.

Without a word, Taylor leaned forward and brought her lips to his, their kiss intensifying with every passing second. His hands moved around her waist, drawing her closer as they locked in a passionate embrace. But as his grip tightened and he showed no signs of stopping, she felt a wave of anticipation wash over her.

She hesitantly broke from the kiss and kissed the tip of his nose before giving him a small smile. "There's a hotel there," she motioned in the direction away from her house in the opposite direction. "We passed it the other day on our walk, remember? Meet me at Midnight."

Matty nodded in understanding and with one last lingering look he turned and walked away from her.

Taylor watched him go until he was out of sight before finally turning and walking back to her house. Thoughts of what their future might hold swirled in her mind but all she knew was that tonight, nothing would be the same again.

The night was unusually quiet, the only sound being the gentle rustling of leaves in the wind. Taylor looked back at her room one last time before hoisting herself up and slipping out of her bedroom window. It was her first time sneaking out, the thrill of adventure mixing with the fear of getting caught.

Navigating her way through her mom's meticulously maintained garden was a challenge. She tiptoed through the flowerbeds, trying her best to avoid stepping on any of the precious blooms. Each rustle, each crunch under her foot made her heart race a little faster, the danger of her clandestine escape adding to the excitement.

As she reached the garden gate, a figure emerged from the shadows. Matty was there, waiting for her, a mischievous grin on his face. He was dressed similarly to her, both of them donning black hoodies and torn black jeans, a perfect camouflage for their midnight escapade.

He let out a soft laugh as he saw her, a teasing glint in his eyes. "My, my, my, we make quite a pair, don't we?" he joked, gesturing to their matching outfits. "With our attire, we could make a good band of thieves."

Despite the nervous fluttering in her stomach, Taylor couldn't help but chuckle at his comment. It was a ridiculous scenario, yet it felt exhilarating. Sneaking out, meeting Matty, their matching outfits - it was a scene straight out of a youthful adventure, a memory they were creating together, a memory that would become a cornerstone of the love story they were just beginning to write.

Her heart began racing as she saw the same excited gleam in Matty's eyes that she felt. She felt a thrill rush through her body as the realization of what they were doing hit her.

The warm night air was filled with the sounds of crickets chirping and the soft shuffling of their feet against the ground. They walked hand in hand along a path winding between tall trees and wildflowers, the only light coming from a bright full moon overhead giving their surroundings an ethereal air.

Matty's hand found Taylor's, their fingers interlocking naturally. His grip was reassuring, a silent promise of the adventure that awaited them. He led her down the moonlit streets, their footsteps echoing in the silent night.

They soon arrived at a modest building, its facade bathed in the soft glow of a single porch light. It was a small inn, an unexpected gem tucked away from the hustle and bustle of the town.

As they approached the entrance, Matty gave her hand a gentle squeeze, a shared thrill passing between them. "Are you ready for our little adventure?" he asked, his voice barely above a whisper, his eyes sparkling with anticipation.

Taylor nodded, the mix of nervousness and excitement making her heart race. This was a new experience, a reckless escapade, and she was living it with Matty - the one person she wanted to share all her firsts with.

Together, they stepped into the inn, the door creaking open to reveal a warm, welcoming interior. Matty handled the check-in swiftly, procuring a room key for their stay.

Once inside, they were surprised to find the room was far more run-down than they had expected. Matty leaned against one of the walls, his gaze intense as he watched Taylor take in her surroundings. He stepped forward and slowly began to pull off his hoodie, but before he could finish, Taylor grabbed him by the wrist and led him into the bedroom.

The large bed took centre stage in the dimly lit room. Nervousness coated their every move as they undressed each other with shaking hands until there was no barrier left between them. The musky scent of pheromones hung in the air, an invisible cloak that enveloped them both in its embrace. And then came that first kiss - passionate and unyielding, like two powerful fires merging together, tongues entwining hungrily as they explored each other's mouths with fierce abandon. The heat between them sizzled like electricity, sparking a wildfire deep within their souls.

The sweet chorus of chirping birds permeated the air, yet neither could bear to move away from each other's embrace. Fervently they clung to each other, trying to savor this treasured moment for as long as possible. But eventually, reality crept in and with a heavy heart, she knew it was time for her to leave their safe haven and head back home again.

Taylor stood below her bedroom window, her heart pounding in her chest. She'd never attempted something like this before, sneaking back in unnoticed. She gazed up at her second-floor bedroom window, biting her lower lip. The climb wouldn't be easy, but she had a rough plan. She'd often watched a family of squirrels navigate the trellis next to her window. If they could do it, so could she. Matty had left her at the corner of her street, both agreeing it was best he not be seen near her house. Now she was on her own. She took a deep breath, gripped the edges of the trellis, and started her climb. Each movement was a calculated balance between speed and silence. She winced at the occasional rustling leaves but pushed onward. As she neared the window, a flicker of relief washed over her. She had left it slightly ajar in preparation for her return. She gingerly lifted the window with one hand, while her other clung to the trellis. Her heart raced as the window creaked open. She hesitated for a moment, then swung her leg over the sill and slipped into her room. Her feet hit the carpet with a soft thud. She quickly closed the window and leaned against the wall, her breath coming in shaky pants. The adrenaline of the night was finally fading, replaced by a deep exhaustion.

She was back in her room, undetected. Her night out with Matty, full of laughter and stolen moments, was a secret safely kept. The thrill of the escape was new, exhilarating, a taste of freedom she'd never experienced before.

Taylor slowly sank to the ground, a wide smile tugging at her lips. She hugged her knees close to her chest, relishing in the feeling of success. She had done it - she'd successfully sneaked back into her bedroom without anyone noticing. The night out with Matty had been magical and Taylor couldn't help but feel a sense of pure elation as she thought about their time together. From the passionate kiss to the countless jokes they shared, it was easily one of the best nights of her life. She closed her eyes and allowed herself to bask in these special memories for a few moments before reality set back in. With a heavy sigh, she forced herself to stand up and change into more comfortable clothes. But before getting ready for bed, she grabbed a pad of paper and pen off her desk and began to write down every detail from the night - every laugh, every moment of joy - so that even when reality made it difficult for them to be together, these memories could still bring them both joy. Taylor eventually settled into bed, exhausted but contented from the evening that was undoubtedly one of the craziest nights she'd ever experienced. As sleep gradually crept up on her, all she could think about were Matty's soft lips against hers...and how badly she wanted their story to continue forever.

The next morning.

Matty made his way to Taylor's house the following morning, taking advantage of the fact that her parents were away. The usually vibrant house now felt eerily empty, the only sound piercing the silence was the booming music that echoed from upstairs. Following the source of the music, he found Taylor in her room, her suitcase splayed open on the bed while she swayed to the rhythm of a Fall Out Boy song. An involuntary knock fell from Matty's knuckles as he watched her, lost in her own world. Taylor looked up, startled by the unexpected visit. She turned down the music, allowing the tension to seep into the room, replacing the lively beats.

"I need to talk to you," Matty started, his words laced with an underlying sadness. He broke the news to her about her father's actions - how he'd taken all of Matty's belongings out of the guest room, relocated them to a nearby hotel, and had insisted he return to England immediately.

"I... I wasn't supposed to come see you," Matty confessed, avoiding her gaze. "Your father made it clear that he didn't want me around. But I couldn't leave without saying goodbye."

Taylor's heart sank at his words, her eyes reflecting the hurt. She'd been under the impression that they still had a few more weeks together. The sudden change of plans left her in a whirlwind of emotions. Matty's sudden departure wasn't just a farewell to a guest, but a painful separation from someone who had become a significant part of her life. The silence that hung in the room was deafening as Taylor processed Matty's words. She felt a sharp sting of betrayal - not from Matty, but from her father who'd orchestrated this sudden departure. Her eyes met Matty's, now glossy with unshed tears.

"But... you still had time here," she managed to say, her voice barely above a whisper. The joy she'd felt while packing for her tour had now evaporated, replaced by a cold dread that gnawed at her. She moved closer to Matty, her fingers lightly brushing against his. She swallowed hard, battling the lump in her throat. "Why...why would he do this?" she asked, her voice strained with a futile attempt to hold back tears. Her mind raced, she knew her father had not taken to walking in on them on her bed well, but she never imagined he would stand by his word to exile him. "Why... why would he turn this into some sort of a modern day Romeo and Juliet?" Taylor's voice hitched as she spoke, her chest tight with frustration. "We love each other. That's not a crime, is it?" The passion in her words was palpable, even though her voice was barely more than a whisper.

Her fingers tightened around Matty's. Their relationship wasn't about defiance or rebellion. It was about genuine feelings, about a connection they both cherished. The fact that her father chose to see it as some forbidden romance was both hurtful and infuriating.

"Why... why would he turn this into some sort of a modern day Romeo and Juliet?" Taylor's voice hitched as she spoke, her chest tight with frustration. "We love each other. That's not a crime, is it?" The passion in her words was palpable, even though her voice was barely more than a whisper. Her fingers tightened around Matty's. Their relationship wasn't about defiance or rebellion. It was about genuine feelings, about a connection they both cherished. The fact that her father chose to see it as some forbidden romance was both hurtful and infuriating.

Her eyes searched his, a torrent of emotions swirling within them. There was love in them, yes, but also defiance and anger and confusion and an overwhelming sadness. Taylor struggled to accept the drastic change in their story. Her eyes were fighting it, desperately pleading with him for another outcome. Not when they were so deeply in love. Not without a fight.

"I understand, Taylor," Matty responded gently, his voice a soothing balm amidst the turmoil. "Your father..., he's just looking out for you. And your parents, they've given so much for your dreams, and I respect that. Truly, I do."

His hand enveloped hers, the warmth a comforting presence. He continued, "I share the same dreams as you, Taylor. The love for music, the passion to perform, the thrill of the applause... We've walked the same path. That's why I... I would never do anything that could potentially hinder your journey. I'd rather walk away than see you compromise on your dreams."

The truth in his words was evident in his eyes - bright, sincere, and achingly honest. His feelings for her were deep, yet he wouldn't let them be an obstacle in her path. He understood the complexity of their situation better than anyone else. "But," he added, a soft determination in his voice, "it doesn't mean I agree with what's happening. This... This isn't about rebellion or defiance, it's about love, something that should be celebrated, not penalized."

In that moment, Matty knew that whatever the outcome, he would respect it. Not just for Taylor, but for himself too. Because love wasn't about possession, but understanding and sacrifice. Matty cupped Taylor's face gently, his thumbs brushing away her tears. The sight of her crying made his heart clench, but he knew he needed to be strong for her. “Taylor, look at me," he said, his voice soft yet firm. As her eyes met his, he continued, "I promise you, I'm not going anywhere. I would never leave you, never abandon you. No matter what. We might face obstacles, and yes, they might seem as formidable as dragons, but I'm willing to fight. To fight for us."

His gaze was unwavering, his words spoken with a conviction that left no room for doubt. Matty was a fighter, and his feelings for Taylor were worth battling any dragon for. “Distance, secrets, your father... none of these are going to change the way I feel about you, Taylor," Matty confessed, his words echoing in the silent room. "And no matter where I am, no matter where you are, I'll always be there for you. We can make it work, Taylor. I believe in us."

His words hung in the air, a pledge of enduring love and unyielding commitment. A promise of a battle fought together, against all odds.

Taylor was sobbing now, her tears falling freely. But amidst the torrent of emotions, she found a sliver of hope in Matty's words. "Promise me, Matty," she implored, her voice barely a whisper. "Promise me that we'll do this."

“I promise, Taylor," Matty reassured her, pulling her into a tight embrace. "We'll face this together. No matter what."

Their bodies swayed gently, a bittersweet dance to the rhythm of their heartbeats. It was a moment frozen in time, a moment of love and pain, promises and fears, farewells and hope. Suddenly, a honk from outside interrupted the poignant silence. The sound of the taxi waiting to take Matty to the airport was a stark reminder of the harsh reality they were about to face.

The pain of the looming goodbye was like a physical force, flattening Taylor and Matty against each other. With trembling hands they held on to one another, their chests heaving with the strain of the moment as they faced their impending separation. Tears spilled from their eyes until their faces were a blur, both agony and love radiating off them in palpable waves.

Matty pulled away slightly, looking into Taylor's tear-stained face one more time. "I have to go, Taylor," he said softly. But his eyes held a promise - a promise of return, of battles fought together, and a love that would endure, against all odds.

"I love you, Taylor," Matty confessed, his voice thick with emotion. His gaze locked onto hers, he waited for her response.

"I love you too, Matty," Taylor responded, her voice just a whisper, but her eyes shone with a resolute love.

In the next moment, they were in each other's arms, their lips meeting in a kiss that tasted of promises and bittersweet farewells. It was a lingering kiss, a moment that held the weight of their shared love, their shared fears, and the shared promise of a future together. Matty yanked at the chain around his neck, trying to loosen the clasp that held it in place. His hands shook as he pulled the hollowed-out rectangle necklace from his chest and carefully draped it over Taylor's head. With a reverent gesture he gently settled the chain around her neck, an unspoken promise between them.

"This... this is a symbol of my promise to you," Matty said, his voice barely audible. He traced the rectangle pendant lightly with his thumb. "A promise that no matter what, we'll make it work."

Taylor felt her heart stop when Matty presented the necklace to her. Overwhelmed with emotion, she clung to it like a life-line in the sea of tumultuous feelings within her. Gone was the simple piece of jewelry - it had transformed into a tangible testament of Matty's love, his assurances, and their agreement to stand by each other no matter what. This necklace was a beacon that illuminated the depths of their union, a bond that was unbreakable, even against the strongest forces of fate.

Taylor pulled Matty into another passionate kiss, their hearts pounding in unison. As the taxi honked again, a stark reminder of the time ticking away, she pulled away reluctantly, a determined look in her eyes. "Wait here, okay?" she requested, rushing off to her room.

When she returned, she held a brown cowboy hat in her hands. It was the hat she'd bought for him, a piece of her world that she wanted him to have. With a tender smile, she placed the hat on Matty's head, adjusting it until it sat just right.

"You can't forget this, Matty," she said, her fingers tracing the brim of the hat. "Every time you wear this, remember me. Remember us."

Matty looked at her, the cowboy hat giving him a charming yet somewhat goofy look. It was a piece of Taylor he would carry with him, a tangible reminder of their shared memories.

Their eyes locked once more, and they shared one final kiss - a promise of their enduring love sealed with a passionate goodbye. As they pulled away, their hands lingered, their fingers intertwining one last time before Matty had to walk away, the cowboy hat sitting snugly on his head, and a hollowed-out rectangle necklace hanging around Taylor's neck - tokens of a love that would endure against all odds. Matty looked at the cowboy hat Taylor had just placed on his head, a warm smile spreading across his face. He reached up to touch it, feeling the worn leather under his fingers. It was a perfect gift, a piece of Taylor's world that he could carry with him wherever he went.

"Taylor, this... this is perfect," he said, his voice thick with emotion. "I promise you, every time I put it on, I'll think of you. I'll think of us." He looked at her, his eyes reflecting the genuine appreciation he felt. His fingers brushed against the brim of the hat, tracing the contours that held so many shared memories. The hat was not just a gift anymore, but a symbol of their bond, a bond that promised to stay strong despite the distance and circumstances.

"And thank you," he added, his voice barely more than a whisper. "For everything, Taylor. For the music, the laughs, the dreams... and this. I'll cherish it. I'll cherish us."

His words hung in the air, a heartfelt thank you, a bittersweet farewell, and a promise of a love that would continue to bloom, no matter where life took them. As Matty walked away, the cowboy hat a distinctive feature against the morning sun, Taylor watched him with a heavy heart. Each step he took seemed to pull at her heartstrings, echoing the pain of their parting. He looked back at her a few times, his eyes a mirror of the sadness that gripped her. Matty got into the taxi, one last look at the girl he was leaving behind imprinted in his memory. He raised his hand, waving a final goodbye. She stood there, her silhouette framed by the doorway, a picture of strength and vulnerability all at once. The car started to move, carrying Matty away. Taylor watched until the taxi was nothing more than a distant speck, until the reality of the farewell fully sunk in.

Then, the strength that had been holding her up shattered, and she collapsed onto her knees on the porch. Her body shook with the force of her sobs, the silent morning air punctuated by her cries. Her heart ached with a sharp pain, a mix of loss and longing, a testament to the love she had for the man who was now on his way back to England.

Her fingers clutched at the hollowed-out rectangle necklace around her neck, the physical reminder of their shared love, the promise that they would make it work. Despite the pain, she held onto that promise, finding in it the strength to endure the challenging journey that lay ahead.

As the taxi pulled away, Matty watched Taylor through the rear window, her figure slowly fading into the distance. His heart ached with a longing he'd never felt before, the image of her collapsing on her knees on the porch etched into his memory. Her house, her street, the town - everything was retreating into the background, yet the essence of her seemed to linger. He could still feel the softness of her lips against his, still smell the faint trace of her perfume, still hear the echo of her laughter. The tangible reminder of their shared moments was amplified in the silence of the taxi, a poignant memory that refused to fade. He clung onto those memories, his fingers tracing the rim of the cowboy hat she'd given him. Every thread of it, every crease, was a testament to their shared dreams and love, a love that had grown in the short time they'd spent together. It wasn't just a hat anymore; it was a piece of Taylor he was carrying with him, a piece that would be a constant reminder of her in the days to come. The journey to the airport seemed to stretch on endlessly, each mile a cruel reminder of the distance that was growing between them. His heart felt heavy with the knowledge that he was leaving Taylor behind. But amidst the sorrow, there was a spark of hope - a promise they had made to each other. A promise of love, a promise to fight for their love, no matter what. As the airport came into view, Matty took one last look at the retreating landscape, his thoughts filled with Taylor. The goodbye had been tough, the pain of parting was sharp, but he held onto their shared promise. He'd be back, he knew. And until then, they would fight their battles, stand against the odds, and cherish their love. Because what they shared was not a fleeting affair - it was a love that would endure, a love that was worth fighting for.

——————-

There we go. My later chapters will have more x-rated scenes but do the math. The ages? No. Not touching that right now.

#matty healy #tatty #maylor fanfiction #maylor #tatty fanfiction #taylor swift and matty healy fanfiction #matty healy fanfiction

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butididntpourthewhiskeys · 11 months

Text

D O P A M I N E

Chapter III

🎧: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pQeBFjbo4KQ

She sits there, sandwiched between her family, right around the big round table in the middle of the cozy living room. Her uncle Andrew tells everyone about their recent vacation to Hawaii, and in the corner of her eye, Taylor can see her mother nodding at everything she hears with a smile. She’s in desperate need of a beach holiday. And so is Taylor. While unlocking her phone, she makes the mental note to plan a nice getaway with Matty and her family. After the past six months of this little human disrupting life as they knew it before, a tropical holiday is definitely needed. Taylor checks her phone screen for the tenth time in the past thirty minutes. She swallows once, then carefully opens the baby monitoring app again. The little boy in the big bed upstairs seems to have turned his head to the other side a few minutes ago. Aside from that, he’s still peacefully sleeping in the big bed that’s theirs for the night. Taylor doesn’t even know why she’s so anxious all of the sudden, but she has to stop herself from not running upstairs and just grabbing the little body and holding it close to her. Maybe it’s because this is the first time that her baby is sleeping in a house that’s not hers. They have security with them, and made sure the house is as safe as possible. Still, she worries. As always when it comes to this little human being.

"Are you okay, honey?" she hears her mother's voice close to her ear, pulling her out of her thoughts. Of course, her mother would notice her staring at the sleeping baby on her screen. Taylor nods quickly, but Andrea can see from her face that she's not fully herself tonight. She knows that Taylor's been a lot more irritable since becoming a mother. But still, she notices that Taylor's drifting away in her thoughts quite a lot tonight. A sense of uneasiness that she's lacking this weekend.

"Yeah, I'm just... it's weird that he's sleeping in that room all by himself, so... far away from me. I just... I think I'm going crazy," she says, almost laughing at herself while placing the phone on the table in front of her. She knows her phone will go off the second there's any movement or crying in the room upstairs. Time to put the phone down for a second. She looks back at her mother, who gives her a warm smile. She's been there too, it seems.

"Have some dessert, and your mama hormones will calm down." Andrea laughs at her daughter and moves the little plate filled with Alison's world-famous pumpkin pie into Taylor's direction. Taylor smiles, and a "thank you" rolls off her lips. Of course, her mom still offers her to eat the dessert first. Just one of the many kind gestures she's always known from the warmth of her mom.

"Where's Matty? His special order of pumpkin pie with vanilla ice cream is coming right up and will be melting soon," she hears Alison's voice yelling from the kitchen. Suddenly, she feels all these uncomfortable stares on her. She swallows a bit, unsure how to react. In fact, all she's been trying to do in the past few minutes was to distract herself from the fact that she knows he's struggling yet he prefers to be alone rather than talk to her. She doesn't want to seem uncomfortable, doesn't want anyone around this table to suspect that something is going on. She clears her throat, then slowly gets up.

“Uhm, I think he.. he got a work call a few minutes go.” she says, a little fake smile escaping her lips hoping that her story makes sense. Because the truth is, she doesn’t know where he is. She doesn’t know where he went to blow off some steam in this house.

“Okay honey, can you tell him to come sit back down? If not there will only be melted ice cream.” Alison replies and Taylor nods, slowly leaving the living room off to find him for a second time tonight.

__________________

<Shit, I should’ve texted you. Sorry. Just wanted to get away for a few minutes. Want to come join me?>

<Don’t laugh, okay?>

Taylor stares at her phone, suddenly receives a shared location from him. She clicks on the pop up message, can see on the little red dot that he’s less than 10 mins walking distance away from the house. She zooms in. What on earth is he doing? Running away from her family’s thanksgiving dinner just to blow off some steam? She can’t believe him sometimes. As much as she loves sharing her life with him, and the fact that he will forever keep things interesting and exciting, she sometimes wishes she could look into his soul. See the things like he sees them. Understand his fast, intelligent and chaotic mind that she loves so deeply.

Taylor has to laugh quietly while standing in the hallway, staring at the lid up display of her phone. He must have walked to a gas station?

<Don’t tell me you’re hiding at a 7 Eleven from me.>

It takes less than two seconds and he sends her a picture as a reply. She can’t help but giggle. He’s just sent her a selfie of himself inside of what seems like a Starbucks. The background is lid up, and he’s holding up a coffee cup with the dark green coffee logo. She can’t believe him sometimes. But she also knows he needs his space whenever he’s not well. She’s learned that in the past 15 years of knowing him. She’s learned that while supporting him in his therapy. It’s his way of carving out space to find new mechanisms to not indulge himself in substances. And she’s glad he’s been able to find ways to deal with it. Healthy ways. Non-destructive ways. Even if that means he wants to be sitting at a random coffee shop all alone to clear his thoughts in the middle of the night.

<It’s actually a Walmart. Come join me. Not a single soul here.>

She can’t help but laugh once more, wants to reply but then hesitates. She can’t believe he’s sitting inside a Walmart. On Thanksgiving. This weirdo. Taylor checks the time on her phone. 10.25pm. Of course no one else is shopping at Walmart at this hour. She looks up again, takes a deep breath. Time to live a little?

<I’ll get a hot chocolate with caramel syrup and whip cream. There in 10 minutes.>

__________________

“Where are we going exactly?” Brandon asks, takes a look at Taylor through the review mirror of the big range rover. She can tell that the strongly built man is confused to drive her around, all by herself, on Thanksgiving eve in this tiny town. She reaches for her seatbelt, has to giggle a bit about herself. She’s glad she reached for her navy wool coat. It really is cold outside.

“So apparently my husband decided to spend the rest of the evening at Walmart. It’s like.. five minutes from here, I think.” she says, already leaning forward to share the location he just sent with him. Brandon takes a look at the map, then slowly starts driving. Taylor leans back, takes a deep breath. As weird as this situation is, she has to admit that she craves to get away for just a bit too. She can’t remember the last time she was at a Walmart? It must have been at least fifteen years ago.

Taylor checks her phone again. Thank god her mother promised to go upstairs, and check on Marly. She’s so lucky to know that her baby is always in the best possible hands whenever her parents are around.

“I think we’re already there, miss.” Brandon says after what feels like a minute of driving. The big car pulls up and drives through the big empty parking lot. It’s not a normal parking lot though. This one is massive. Right next to the gas station she could see on Google maps earlier, she can now also see the huge Walmart. This really is Texas.

“I’ll be right behind.” Brandon says as he parks the car right in the first parking spot near the entrance.

“Sounds good. I think there’s not many people in there at this hour anyways.” she says, leaves the car with the big man right behind her. He gives her some space, never walks right besides her to at least make her feel like she’s not under surveillance when she’s in private. Taylor enters the big department store, can already see the big Starbucks logo on left hand side. This store really is huge. The smell of plastic and cleaning products reminds her of past days. When she was younger, she would love to go shopping at Target or any of these department stores on the weekends. Getting a large Starbucks drink and roaming the stores with her mom. Memories of her life, back then, when she was just a normal person running errands like everyone else in this country. Without paparazzi hunts or fans building groups around her.

With the white wool beanie on her head that she got last week, Taylor slowly walks across the sterile shiny floors. The radio is running in the background. Only one cashier is busy. It really seems like no one else had the idea of going shopping here on Thanksgiving eve. Not a single soul looking at her weirdly. No screaming. No nervous laughters. A nice feeling of normalcy on her chest for once. Even though there’s nothing normal about being at Walmart at 11pm on Thanksgiving eve.

After a few more steps, Taylor can see the big Starbucks counter, filled with lots of sweets. The girl behind the counter smiles at her. It’s a confused, nervous and insecure smile. She knows exactly what thought process she just went through. From confusion, to denial, to nervousness. It’s really true that no one would probably expect her in a Walmart in a small town in Texas on Thanksgiving. Taylor just smiles kindly at her, hoping deeply that she won’t take out her phone and film her the next second. Just when she looks away again is when she can see the familiar man sitting on a chair on one of the small tables by the window, right in the corner. He turns his head to look at her, and the smile she’s met with almost still makes her knees go weak. She doesn’t say anything, just slowly opens the buttons of her winter coat and sits down across him. He still smiles, a little laugh escaping his lips as he carefully moves the warm cup closer to her. Her hands are being warmed in an instant.

“Nice to meet you, you look just like your pictures.” he says with a smirk. Taylor wants nothing more than to stay serious, but she can’t help escape a little laugh too. She takes a first sip from the comforting hot drink in her hand, closes her eyes relishing the sweetness. She just loves chocolate. As well as whip cream. All of the things she so happily indulges in since she’s pregnant.

“I actually like meeting strangers at Walmart in the middle of the night. It’s just a normal thing I do, you know? When my husband is busy with work.” she replies, and it makes him laugh. Matty just can’t stop staring at her. All these dark thoughts on his mind, that almost seemed to kill him from the inside a few minutes ago seem to have vanished. Now that he can look into her face again. Now that she sits there in front of him at Walmart with her blue eyes and short nails, the little eye bags and her bangs that are ever so messed up since taking off her beanie. It’s been ages since he experienced her in an environment as mundane as the four walls of a department store chain. He’s always loved reality with her, more than anything else they do. Because both of them are very much aware that the majority of their lives happens in a non-reality like universe. A beautiful, privileged bubble that not many get to experience. A bubble, that the both of them almost never get to leave.

But not tonight.

“Thanks for joining me, my love.” he says then, his voice suddenly on a level of gentleness that it hasn’t been before. She can feel him reaching with his hand for hers. He still looks at her, hasn’t stopped looking at her face since the second she walked in tonight, a little laugh escaping his mouth as she puts her drink down. A mustache of whip cream is covering her upper lip.

“Can I kiss you?” he says then.

“Not here.”

“Baby, there’s no one here.”

“Okay, but..”

In that second, Matty has already leaned across the table, stolen two gentle kisses from her lips. When he sits down again is when she can see him licking his lips, clearly enjoying the taste of her caramel whip cream. She suddenly realizes, carefully reaches for her upper lip to check if she’s got any more whip cream stuck on there.

“You could’ve just told me, you know.”

“Nah, this was more fun.” he says, doesn’t let go off her hand, just leans back in his chair and takes a sip from his coffee.

Silence comes over them. The radio in the background is playing an old Justin Timberlake tune. Matty just sits there, staring at the blonde woman in front of him. She doesn’t say anything either, just gives him this one look he knows too well.

“So?”

“So what?”

She sighs, her hand definitely not letting go off his right now.

“What are we doing at Walmart instead of being at Alison’s house at this time? Where my entire family is at? Where our baby is fast asleep…”

Matty doesn’t reply. He just sighs, takes a look outside of the window. It’s pitch black outside. There’s a huge digital banner at the end of the big parking lot that switches from advertising an insurance company to a bunch of fruit displayed. A local fruit shop. They really are in the middle of nowhere.

Matty can feel her squeeze his hand gently, taking him right back to reality. He takes a deep breath, looks back at the familiar face across him.

“I just wanted to get away for a bit. Just went for a walk and decided to get a coffee. Then you texted, and I couldn’t think of anything better than to get away for a bit with you instead of just being by myself.”

Taylor feels her heart growing, swallows for a second. She’s never been more thankful for any explanation he’s ever given her before. He’s being honest, and it fills her heart to know that he still chooses her. That he still wants to spend time with her. Still looks at her with the same amount of gratitude and love as he did back then.

“It’s been a while since we went on a date just you and me.” she replies then with a little smile on her lips, and Matty laughs quietly.

“Is this a date?”

“You bought me a drink and we’re sitting around a table that’s not ours, in public.”

She convinced him. He adjusts himself a bit, then sits upright again. Both his elbows on the table, his head hunched forward to be able to speak with her a bit closer.

“I was thinking a bit, clearing my thoughts while walking here, and I.. I just want to apologise to you.” he says then, a bit more serious than he was a minute ago. Taylor still hasn’t let go off his hand, just sits there across from him in her coat. A slight smile on her lips. She places her cup in front of her to have both hands free. Both hands free to wrap around his hand. To hold onto his hand as tight as she wants to. For the rest of her life.

“My head’s been everywhere this week. I just.. I feel ashamed sometimes when I get confronted with that aspect of my past. Especially when I’m around your family. Because it becomes even more obvious to me then, that you deserve so much better. And all I can..”

“Will you shut up?” she interrupts him. She can’t believe he says this. If only he knew how much better he is than any other man in her life before.

“I’m just being honest. You know. Sharing my feelings with you.”

She sighs. His eyes are fully focused on his hand now, and especially on the way her small hands are caressing his. She’s so gentle. She’s so full of love. He can’t believe she decided to get married to him. He can’t believe she’s his. After all these years.

“Matty.” she says in a soft voice, not demanding, not mad or as passionate as she was before. He looks back up into her eyes. A moment of calmness overcoming him. “I love you. You’re the best person for me. Stop these thoughts please. Nothing about your past will change what we have now. I was there back then, remember? I’ve seen you at your worst and I’ve seen you today. And I’m so proud of you. And I’m so… in love with you. Stop these thoughts, my love. Promise me.”

He lets her words sink, and just nods. She’s right. The more he lets her words sink in, the more he realizes that this train of thoughts was caused once again by his anxiety. By his anxiety that always comes up when thinking about Trevor. About Trevor’s laugh, and the warmth of his family. The smell in his nose whenever he walked into his parents house hallway. The very first day they met at school back in Manchester when he was just a kid. The very first day he showed him how to find the right vein, for the right shot. The right shot of clear crystals in his blood stream. The right shot to take his life away.

He swallows.

“I love you, too.” he just says quietly, a whisper more than anything else. He knows so well that this is the only way to ease his pain.

Her love. The cure for everything else these past years. She looks at him, her left hand caressing his stubbly cheek for a moment.

“Also, I don’t want you to apologise. I’m glad you share with me whenever you’re not feeling great. That’s what I’m here for.” she smiles at him. He can tell that she’s so much happier than she was an hour ago. He can tell how happy she is that he’s let her in. And Matty nods, manages to fake a smile as well.

“You’re unreal.” he just sighs, moving her hand closer to his mouth. He’s ready to leave these dark thoughts behind. Just for tonight. He gently kisses the back of her hand.

“Thanks for coming on a date to Walmart with me. Brings up some memories for me actually.”

She giggles, takes one more sip from her cup and just looks at him with a smile.

“Here, have you tried this? It’s so good. The whip cream with the caramel drizzle.. might be my new pregnancy craving.”

She’s already shoved her drink into his hand, and Matty takes a sip. His face looks disgusted all of the sudden. He looks back at the cup, opens the lid for a second to reassure himself that she’s not drinking poison, then looks back at her. She already has to giggle at his face. He looks as disgusted as back then when she made him try the celery juice she always drinks while being on tour.

“Your taste buds are broken, my love.”

“Shush.” she laughs, rolls her eyes and enjoys the warm drink herself again. Matty laughs at her jugging down the sweet drink. He has no idea how she can drink the whole thing without feeling sick. It’s sweet. More than sweet. A sugar rush that will make her shaky in a bit, that’s for sure.

“How are you feeling? How’s little bean doing in there?”

She has to smile at his words. She loves whenever he calls the baby in her belly ‘little bean’. When she was pregnant with Marly, he would always call the embryo in her stomach ‘tiny bug’. It’s his way of loving whatever is growing in her stomach even before having met the baby. She smiles.

“Little bean is good. I’ve been feeling pretty good, just a bit tired. I can’t believe I’m not nauseous this time around, but let’s not jinx it. Maybe keeping busy really is the secret to not feeling pregnant. Like, I’m too busy with Marles than to feel tired or sick. It’s actually amazing.”

He carefully listens to her talking, his chin resting on his left hand. He smiles. With every word, he feels like realizing more and more that there will be another soul living with them soon. Another bundle of love, that will absolutely turn their lives around. Again. Making humans with her was something he always wanted, but never dared to actually do. Until there was that second pink line on this test. Out of nowhere. Unplanned but oh, so so wanted.

“You’re superwoman, you know that?”

Taylor has to laugh at him.

“Stop it. You’re weird tonight.”

“When have I not been weird.” he replies in a thick accent. But she knows. She knows he’s extra clingy these days. He looks at her with a certain level of gratitude these days. She loves seeing the love in his eyes these days, that is extra strong at the minute. But at the same time, she knows he suffers. She knows he suffers, and their connection is his only cure right now.

“You know what I think?”

He looks at her in expectation, his coffee cup already empty.

“I think we should go shopping now before heading home. Haven’t been to Walmart in ages. Let’s get some candy, and some slippers. Maybe they have some cute stuff for the cats. Their pet section was always amazing.”

Matty pretends to be annoyed. But she knows he loves this, can’t hide a smile from her. She gets up, reaches for his hand and pulls him up as well. He sighs, wraps his arm in the big old leather jacket around her shoulder. He presses a kiss onto the fabric of her beanie and lets her drag him into the first isle of the big store.

__________________

“Here, what about this one? I think this one will absolutely make sure your tree will go up in flames..” he mumbles, holding up a box of fairy lights shaped like Santa Claus. He can already hear her giggling, a few meters away. In her high heels and her short hair in a beanie, she just gets back to him. Her red lips forming a smile.

“Nah, I have a color theme. Remember? I said green, gold and burgundy.”

“Oh, I’m sorry. How could I forget.” he says with his big curls, making her giggle again.

“Give me that.” he mumbles now, reaching for the shopping basket in her hands. She doesn’t really react, doesn’t want to show him how appreciative she is of this little gesture. She knows that he would hate to admit it. But he does have a soft side to him. It always jumps out whenever he’s trying to hide it away the most.

“Okay, so we got… fairy lights, napkins, candles…” she mumbles to herself, looking at the shopping list in her phone.

“Mental breakdowns…” he adds to her list, making her giggle again. He loves whenever that happens.

“I think we’ve got it all, actually.” she says proudly. Matty nods, the christmas playlist playing in this Walmart making him sick to his stomach. But maybe it’s not the background music. Maybe it’s the fact that he knows that having gotten everything that was on her shopping list will mean that they’ll be done soon. That his chance has passed.

Taylor starts looking around, almost as if she’s trying to find her way back to the check out section. And he’s not having any of it. Maybe, it’s time to be bold.

“Hey, I think we forgot something…”

“Really? Wh…”

The second she feels his lips on hers, is the second her brain starts to melt. She didn’t expect him to be this gentle. She didn’t expect him to do this, right here, right now, right in the middle of the Christmas section.

He slowly pulls back, his hand still gently on her cheek. She swallows once, almost seems out of breath.

“Sorry, I just.. I had to..”

“It’s okay. It’s.. you’re allowed to do that.” she starts mumbling, and it makes her laugh. He loves making her feel this way.

As they stand there, caught in the moment of their very first kiss, two pounding hearts and the smell of smoke in her nose, the bustling sounds of Christmas shoppers in the isle right next to them seems to fade into the background. The world is on pause, as if granting them a private moment amidst the chaos of this time a year.

Taylor looks into Matty's eyes, her heart racing with a mix of excitement and uncertainty. She brushes her fingers through his curly hair for a second. His cheeks flush with a mix of nerves and exhilaration, realizing he has taken a leap of faith for once. They both sense the electricity between them, a magnetic force drawing them closer. Suddenly, nothing really matters. With a shy smile, Taylor leans in for a second kiss, deepening the connection for a moment. Time slows down as they lose themselves in the soft touch of their lips, savoring each moment of this unexpected intimacy. Savoring each moment of her becoming bold suddenly, her hands still securely on his cheek.

As they make their way to the checkout a few seconds later, the atmosphere seems to have changed. The aisles that once felt ordinary and mundane now brim with a sense of magic and possibility. The Christmas lights twinkle with renewed brightness, mirroring the sparks that ignited between them.

__________________

Taylor opens her eyes. The first thing she sees is his face. She closes her eyes again for a second, stirs once more before opening her eyes up a second time. Morning light is flooding the room. He smiles at her from his side of the bed. His hair as messy as mostly when he’s just woken up. Grey brown curls in all directions. A very active, very happy baby on his back right between them. His father’s protective hand on the small belly. Marly is stretching his legs out, a cooing noise escaping his mouth while his tiny fist almost punch his mom’s face. Taylor rubs her eyes then. She loves to find Matty’s hand gently caressing the baby’s stomach. It seems her boys have spent the morning waking up without her.

“Morning, my love.” he smiles at her. His hand leaves his son for once, and lands gently on her soft cheek. She knows her hair must be messed up and in all directions. But the way he looks at her makes her feel at her best again. The most gentle smile. He loves her. She feels it in every ounce of this moment.

“Morning.” she murmurs, the side of her head still in the big pillow of Alison’s guest room. Her hand now on the baby’s cheek, kissing the bald head good morning.

“Gimme a kiss.” she hears the sleepy man next to her whisper, feels him come closer and then enjoys every second of peace in her while he just casually gives her a gentle good morning kiss, leaning over the baby between them.

“You guys are up already?” she says with sleep in her voice, and Matty laughs quietly. He seems to be in a much better mood than last night. She loves it. She loves the inner peace it brings her.

“I woke up to someone sucking my nose, as if it was a boob.”

Taylor has to laugh instantly. This has happened already a while ago and it was a picture for the gods. Marly sometimes mistakes fingers or noses or other objects that are suckable for the place where he gets his food. A good indicator that someone’s ready for breakfast.

“It happened again?” she laughs, already sitting up a bit to steal her baby a big kiss on the chubby cheek. Matty just remains still, leaning with his back against the bed frame, and nods. He loves watching her right now. He loves how much sleep there is in her eyes. He loves how gently she just sits up, wearing one of his old 1975 shirts that’s way too big on her. How she leans down to her baby, stealing the happy baby what feels like a dozen kisses. Marly starts giggling, wiggling his legs in excitement. He can’t help but laugh, too. These are these moments. These moments that will change his heart forever.

“You’re so funny… you are so funny, you know that?” she whispers in a high pitched voice at their son, and Matty has to laugh as much as Marly does. Taylor notices Matty’s smile as she reaches for her baby, places him securely in her arms. She moves around in bed until she finds a comfortable seating position, leaning against Matty’s torso, sitting upright in bed. Her naked feet securely tucked into the warm bed sheets from before. She casually lets herself fall against him, loves feeling his arms wander around her already. One hand on her thigh, and the other one stroking her long blonde hair away from her neck, so that he can kiss the spot gently while she starts freeing her left boob, adjusting her baby right underneath her. The little boy needs less than five seconds to latch onto her, and starts chugging down his breakfast. Both Taylor and Matty have to laugh at him. He seems to be extra voracious today, loud swallowing noises coming from the little mouth.

“He’s got the thirst from his father.”

Taylor turns her head, gives him an annoyed but amused stare.

“Come here.” he mumbles then, helps her lean back an inch to be fully cuddled into his arms. He lowers his head to kiss her shoulder once, then looks at his baby just like she does. An unreal feeling to see these beautiful green eyes staring back at them. A one in a billion chance to ever be able to look into his son’s eyes. One in a billion and he still shares this moment with these two humans. Matty’s right hand wanders to her stomach. She welcomes the gesture, moves her head to his face then. She looks at him with puffy eyes and smiles, doesn’t need to say anything else. He can’t wait to meet their second angel.

And neither can she.

__________________

“Alright, do we have everyone on board?” Alison yells, while standing in the door frame. Half of the Finchley’s are out of the door already, whilst the other half is still getting dressed for the cold. Ready for a true autumnal walk through Kingwood park. One of the most beautiful areas to be at during winter. The leaves are still colorful, the trees not too empty and naked as they are in almost any other part of the country now. It was Taylor’s idea. One of the things she always tries to do, now that she’s a mother. She wants her son to experience seasons. She wants him to leave the house, not just grow up in between four protective walls. She knows that the risk of someone taking a picture is there. But she’s doing the most to enable him to grow up normally. Seeing colorful leaves on the ground. The fresh air of autumn. Her favorite season.

“Andrew, Scott, Austin, Maureen, Jackson - you can take the first car. We’ll take the bigger one with the baby.” she already organises the big group to get going. Taylor has got Marly on her arm already. A small bag wrapped around her torso, her favorite green scarf wrapped around her throat. But she’s not the only one dressed ready for the cold. The little boy on her arms is packed up in a warm winter jacket. The tiny beanie with cat ears is covering his bald little head. He looks so cute, isn’t even crying at all. He just looks around all fascinated by everyone gathering outside and jumping into one of the cars one on one.

Matty is still busy unbuckling the baby shell from the portable stroller they brought. He’s just getting a look from Alison, and has to laugh as well. He’s got two diaper bags around his shoulder as well as the maxi cosi in his hand now.

“Are you guys sure you’ll need all this for an hour of a walk..”

“She’s the boss.” Matty just replies, making Alison laugh as he already disappears by the car to store the bags securely in the back. Taylor just looks at Matty and rolls her eyes.

“I don’t know if we’ll need all this but I just want to make sure we have everything in case.”

Alison laughs at her niece, closes the door behind her. She knows what it means to be a mother for the first time. It comes with a lot of anxiety and uncertainty. Always wanting to do the right thing.

“That’s fine. Let’s get going, darling.” she says. Andrea and her aunt Marjorie’s husband Greg both get into the car. Matty signals Taylor to hand Marly to him.

“Get in and I’ll give him to you when you sit.”

Taylor hands him the little boy, then slowly makes her way into the mini van. She sits down right behind the driver, facing the little baby’s car seat next to Andrea and Matty. She reaches for the little boy and places him gently in the car seat. Andrea immediately helps her to buckle him up securely while Matty gets into the car himself. Unbelievable how much effort it is these days to go for a walk somewhere.

“Are you sure you want to sit this way, honey? Do you get car sick?” Alison asks but Taylor shakes her head, already fastening the seat belt herself.

“No, if I sit this way I can have an eye on him.” she says, and everyone nods. The car starts driving and Matty opens the hood of the little grey maxi cosi a bit more. Marly looks up at him, then back at Taylor who’s sitting right in front of him. He looks confused, doesn’t really understand where they’re going.

“Where are they dragging you now, huh” Matty jokes, making everyone in the car laugh a bit. Andrea starts talking about the last time she visited Kingwood park. Taylor watches Marly’s eyes getting smaller and smaller. But what makes her feel warm inside is the fact that he’s holding onto Matty’s big finger for the entire drive. It melts her heart how much they love each other. Taylor looks out of the window. She loves driving through new cities, seeing people walk on the pavement and just live their day to day lives. She listens to the conversations of everyone, slowly closes her eyes for a second.

She opens her eyes for a second time today, realizes she’s still sitting in the car, and they’re still driving to Kingwood park, at the very Northern end of the city. Alison told her that the ride would be a little less than an hour, but she didn’t expect the drive to take them around oh so many curves and bumps here in nature. She turns her head to the front, finds Marly still fast asleep in his baby shell. Matty smiles at her, still in the midst of a conversation with her mother. She looks outside again. The scarf around her neck making her feel like she can’t properly breath. She swallows once, feels this exhaustion in her legs again. It’s weird. She’s used to feeling tired, but this is a next level tiredness. She takes a deep breath. If there’s one more bump on the road, she might actually get sick. With her hand, she just holds on tightly to the scarf on her lap. This can’t be happening. She can’t be getting sick now. Taylor looks outside of the window, taking a deep breath. Of course she can feel that Matty feels that something is up. He’s still listening to the conversations in the car, but reaches for her hand now. Just when she touches him is when he looks at her a bit more worries than before. Her hand is cold and sweaty. She’s shaking.

“You okay?” he says then, and everyone suddenly stares at her. She would’ve loved if he hadn’t said anything. But maybe, it was the right call.

“I don’t.. I just feel really dizzy and..”

“Mate, can we please stop the car for a second?” Matty already yells at the driver, who stops the car at the sideway of the road. Taylor just brushes her bangs out of her forehead with her free hand, the shaking of her fingers being visible to everyone now.

“Honey, what’s going on?” Andrea says now, can clearly see that her daughter is as pale as a white wall. She holds one hand in front of her mouth, as Matty already opens the door, helps Taylor to step outside for a second.

She just stands there, taking deep breaths. Her entire body in her wool coat is shaking. Matty’s arms wrapped around her from the side.

“You okay?” he whispers, she just shakes her head.

“I just.. I’m so sorry. I just got so dizzy and… nauseous.” she mumbles, and he can still tell that she’s shaking. Her hands that hold onto him are cold, sweaty and shaking more than he likes to see.

“Come here, sit down for a second.” he says, walking with her to the pit of the highway and helps her sit down for a second. She needs fresh air right now.

“Do you.. do you need to..?”

She doesn’t say anything, just shrugs her shoulders. If she wasn’t feeling so dizzy, she would definitely be more than embarrassed now. Her family, including the driver are just witnessing her having a pregnant breakdown in the car. If she actually throws up on the side of the road now, they will officially think she’s lost it. She just covers her eyes, taking deep breaths. She can’t throw up now. She can’t throw up now.

“Do you have some water?” she then hears Matty asking everyone in the car. It takes less than a second and Andrea gets off the car as well, handling him a bottle of still water. Matty takes two steps closer to her, sits down in front of her and opens the cap, handing her the plastic bottle instantly.

“Honey, is this from driving backwards? You never had problems with that, did you?” Andrea just looks at Taylor in worry.

“I.. I don’t know. I just got super shaky and sick suddenly. Was weird.” she mumbles then, sipping on her water bottle, praying that her mother won’t get the obvious. It’s true that she never suffered from motion sickness. She never does. Unless she’s pregnant, apparently.

“I’m so sorry guys.” she says, still shaky and pale. She just sits there, in the middle of nowhere, next to the big car, praying that she won’t throw up in front of everyone. Matty knees in front of her. Of course, he’s worries. She can see it in his face. He takes the water bottle from her, then reaches for her ice cold and sweaty hands again. He looks at her, wants to reassure himself that she’s okay.

“Stop apologising. Want a snickers bar? To get your blood sugar up again? We can also drive back and get some rest.”

She shakes her head. Just the thought of food could result in her vomiting right here, right now.

“No, I.. I just need a few minutes. Fresh air is good.” she says, just sits there. Everything is still turning. Little stars in the corner of her eyes. She hates whenever this happens. It happened only twice in her life. Once when she was sixteen and had a bad sun burn, and once last year. Being pregnant and not having eaten enough.

Matty sits down next to her, his arm around her making sure she’s supported and comfortable.

“No rush, baby. Take your time. Drink this.” he says, handing her the water bottle again. She looks back at him, then nods. Thank god she’s got the most caring person by her side, as always. She takes a deep breath of fresh air, feels herself slowly coming back to her senses as her mother’s eyes meet hers. She knows. Taylor should’ve known that she knows. Andrea just smiles, having figured out in Taylor’s face that she understood and then slowly gets back into the car.

It takes less than five minutes, another desperate try of Matty to get her to take a bite from the snickers bar he found in the car door until Taylor gets up and feels ready to get into the car again. But this time, she’s taking Matty’s seat. He insists. As she sits back down on the warm cushion, she can feel everyone’s worried looks on her.

Uncomfortable. More than uncomfortable.

“I’m good. I promise.” she says, a smile on her face again. She does feel better, takes one quick look at the sleeping child next to her. Matty looks at her with a questioning look. She knows that she just needs to say a word and they’d be on their way back to the house. She appreciates it. But she’s okay. She will be okay.

Just in that second, she can feel her phone vibrating in her small bag. She reaches for it, can see that she’s got a missed call as well as a text from Matty’s mother. She clicks on the notification and reads. Her heart stops beating for a second, and her stomach almost churns once more.

She swallows, texts her back and looks at her husband in front of her. This time, he’s the one looking out of the window. She doesn’t know why, but a bad feeling creeps onto her chest. A really bad one.

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