#maybe I made a mistake reblogging that post but it’s true for me…idk | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

dear-mrs-otome · 1 year

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I posted 1,088 times in 2022

That's 601 more posts than 2021!

748 posts created (69%)

340 posts reblogged (31%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@dear-mrs-otome

@dark-frosted-heart

@atelieredux

@redheadkittys

@violettduchess

I tagged 1,011 of my posts in 2022

Only 7% of my posts had no tags

#mrs o talks - 399 posts

#spoiler - 314 posts

#spoilers - 314 posts

#ikepri spoilers - 237 posts

#ikemen prince spoilers - 236 posts

#ikemen prince - 150 posts

#ikepri - 147 posts

#ikepri silvio - 120 posts

#ikemen vampire - 107 posts

#ikevamp - 105 posts

Longest Tag: 134 characters

#i hope they don't entirely lean on the rio thing because i like him but nit enough to feel bad for wanting to bone his brother instead

My Top Posts in 2022:

Silvio Ricci - PRETEND LOVER Event - Another Terrible Summary

(Yes, he is blushing. And yes, you'd better get used to his red-faced dumbstruck look because it's happening. Often.)

Here is my absolutely irreverent and chock full of hyperbole, only nominally-guaranteed-accurate rendition of Silvio's event story.

****************

Please always bear in mind that 1) I claim to be no expert in JP and there are and will be mistakes in this so show mercy on this amateur - and if you see any obvious mistakes, kindly let me know so I can improve 2) I didn't even TRY to make Silvio's dialogue as rude as it is. Always, at all times, assume this man is talking like a foul-mouthed sailor.

Aaaaaand 3) I made this so fucking long. Why did I feel compelled to be so detailed idk - this isn't even really a summary anymore it's just the whole damn event. FML

****************

So our story starts with Emma walking down the hall and being stopped by a very persistent aristocratic man she’s been dodging for days now - almost a dozen times now whenever she’s found herself alone he’s popped up, ‘coincidentally’, pestering her to have tea or spend time with him.

He tries again today, stating how beautiful it is outside and how she should join him for tea. She tries to make her excuses, apologizing and saying she has a prior engagement, but this stalker says no, he knows that’s not true - she doesn’t have anything on her schedule, he’s already checked with the servants in court.

She’s dismayed and also more than a bit wtf internally, when he presses her and says she doesn’t have any reason to hesitate so they should go. Takes her by the hand, making her skin sort of literally crawl, and tries to pull her off - only to be interrupted by a voice.

“Found you.”

Someone’s hand comes from behind and snags her, hauling her in…and she turns around to find, to her horror, that it’s Silvio there behind her. The tyrant himself, the last person she probably wants to see or have anything to do with because he is patently The Worst.

She can tell already that today is going to be rough.

He’s got his arms around her from behind, caught up too in his fancy schmancy exotic cologne, when he scolds her for making a hassle of herself. She’s one part relieved to be rescued from the creepy aristo guy…and one part full of dread because it’s Silvio that’s saved her and she knows he is far faaaar from a nice man.

He says with a smile how she’d already make a promise to him for the next while, and she’s blankly like….promise??? Prompting him to scowl at her before she’s all OH RIGHT RIIIIGHT THAT PROMISE RIGHT NOW YEP YEP. Realizing that maybe he’s trying to cover for her excuse to the aristocrat earlier.

Silvio’s grinning, but then he turns to the aristocrat and brushes him off, stating he doesn’t know who the guy is but he shouldn’t dare touch someone else’s woman - specifically, this woman is his.

See the full post

235 notes - Posted May 27, 2022

Cute tsun cute tsun cute tsun alert

252 notes - Posted July 18, 2022

Pace non trovo - IkePri (Silvio)

Fandom: Ikemen Prince

Pairing: Silvio Ricci/MC (Emma)

Warnings: None - not even spoilers really, just speculation

Summary: Silvio sets out to discover what it takes to buy Emma…but the true cost isn’t something either of them expects. (6.7k YES YOU READ THAT RIGHT WHY BRAIN words of snark and fluff, SFW)

Author’s Note: Frankly I’m just tired of looking at this. It’s long and I’ll never be happy with it but I want it out there before Cybird undermines all my ideas. And the gratuitous Italian is all my own headcanon.

See the full post

260 notes - Posted July 15, 2022

Silvio Ricci - 1st Birthday (His POV) - Yet Another Terrible Summary

(Silvio: “Cut it out, back off!”)

Here is my irreverent, only nominally-guaranteed accurate rendition of Silvio’s 1st birthday story in his POV.

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Birthdays are the easiest occasion of the year to close a deal. No time to rest, as many merchants come looking for investments - Silvio’s never had any doubts on that matter. In fact, he’s always thought it was the best way to celebrate a birthday.

Until that cheeky woman prodded a sore spot.

~~~~~~~~

“You’re late,” he tells her, when he finally sees her amidst the hectic preparations for his birthday party. Pissy because she's dawdled when a few hours prior he’d summoned her with an invitation.

See the full post

281 notes - Posted July 21, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Ahhh, he looks so happy they both do 🥺 - or at least he was until he realized Emma was faking sleep when she started giggling over him being mushy while she was 😘

310 notes - Posted August 22, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review #omg just call it the Year of Silvio why don't we #klsdjfdls #i have problems and i will acknowledge them

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arctichotch · 2 years

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So I found that post anon was talking about where they said, "I once saw you reply to someone regarding something about not watching/listening to what lawyers say about the case because "they know way more than me about the law, so I'm not gonna watch because and I'd just have to take their word for it."

and you replied, "lmao literally never said that."

And here's what you said, "yeah he’s a barrister. he knows 100x more than me about law. that’s also another reason i wouldn’t watch it because i don’t know anything about this topic. he could tell me the judge has to recite “god save the queen” every 15 mins in court and id have to believe him because he knows more than i do."

And yeah gotta agree with anon, you did pretty much say that. It might not be what you meant, but in a nutshell you did come across that way.

Also, only semi related because this was in your reply on the same post, "also i don’t see how me making on little mistake, literally being 1 off, counts as “posting misinformation”" (It was about JD's appeals)

I actually remember seeing that exchange here too. I can't find it for some reason, maybe you deleted it idk, but it wasn't a tiny mistake. You said JD lost two appeals and therefore 3 judges had found him guilty, when that wasn't true at all. He lost to the one judge in the UK trial and was denied any appeals, so he couldn't have lost any, let alone two of them. That's not a small mistake and I'd like to think you know that.

What happened to you? I thought you used to be good at correcting yourself when you got facts wrong, but scrolling through I see from just the other day another anon tried to clear up something else you had reblogged/posted that wasn't true and you just laughed it off and said it didn't matter?

Like you used to be good about this. Even if we didn't agree on absolutely everything I knew you at least seemed like you tried to keep things factual around here?? Either you changed or I just misjudged you from the start. It's disappointing. I know things are rough with you right now, but don't let it turn you into this troll like person who no longer cares about facts. Idk if you can consider therapy as a possible option, but it can help you work through things if you need it.

the top part is out of context tho? like yeah i said that i wouldn’t believe that specific lawyer because he knows more than me AND he’s obvs pro depp, therefore whatever he says TO ME, someone who knows nothing about law, could be easily twist to fit this case or whatever. it would be more beneficial to consider what others have put forth on the case who also haven’t been making like 100 youtube videos on it.

it was in relation to that 1 specific guy. not lawyers as a whole, which i what i understood anon to be saying - that i wouldn’t listen to any lawyers simply because they know more than me. which is untrue.

as for the “misinformation” thing. i had previously thought JD had appealed 2 times after the original UK case, making it 2 judges + 1 judge (the main UK judge) which equals 3 judges overall. then an anon i believe, informed me he had appealed in the UK once.

which now looking back i see that was also wrong, but also he was denied the chance to appeal - which is another judge saying he had no prospect of winning the case again or whatever the fuck. i can’t quite remember when this was, but the UK trial has always been more of an afterthought for me because the US one is more recent and problematic in the social stratosphere. so yes i made a mistake, perhaps didn’t look into things enough in relation to the UK trial technicalities, but like how does that change anything lmao??? there’s still solid, concrete evidence of him having abused amber. and obviously the main UK judge saw that. so have domestic violence experts - who are obviously way more prepared to talk about all this than me

idk what you’re referring to from the other day tbh so i can’t comment on that one (EDIT i actually see now what you were talking about and i didn’t laugh anything off, i explained why i didn’t think it mattered. and still think it doesn’t matter. it’s completely irrelevant to what’s in the docs and also, it wouldn’t have gone so viral if they hadn’t paid all the money for it - so they did fuck him over by “unsealing” it to the more general public, rather than whoever would have seen it as a result of the judge unsealing it if ya get me)

lmao telling me to get therapy because i repost/post shit about johnny depp being an abuser?? ok… perhaps the weird die hard depp fans saying amber had satanic sex parties should skip the line and go ahead of me

people make mistakes. but like i’m a dumbass with a tumblr stan account posting crap saying johnny depp doesn’t shower or reposting his sick texts with his abuser bestie and things like that, if anyone is taking anything for 100% facts of me alone… then they need to learn to validate their sources and information themselves. i should not be anyones source of information on this. check out @justiceamberheard or idk actual news places, their posts are obviously more coherent than all of mine that i spew out at 2am

anyway, johnny depp is a wife beater, who has violent, freaky deaky fantasies about women. he’s a racist, misogynistic, biphobic, transphobic, violent pig who likes to smash up rooms and people when things don’t go his way 💕

#side note #lmao has anyone seen the tiktok crew turning to ambers side now because that’s where the crowd has moved??#they be like.. god i can’t BELIEVE i was manipulated into believing johnny depp?!?!?!?#like bitch we told u #but i’m glad to see it either way #although the they were both bad crowd is pissing me off #ask #anon #i stand with amber heard #cw johnny depp #abuse tw #johnny depp is an abuser #anti johnny depp

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tom-whore-dleston · 2 years

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Spoiled

Pairing: sugar daddy!Simu Liu x f!reader

Genre: smut (lemon)

Warnings: sex toys, mutual masturbation, daddy kink, making out, overstimulation?, preludes to face sitting, sugar daddy/baby relationship turned romantic relationship, implied round 2

Summary: Your sugar daddy/boyfriend spoils you for Valentine’s Day.

Word Count: 2.1k

Beta Read: N/A

*All mistakes and errors are mine*

Notes: Happy late Valentine’s Day sexy friends 😘😘 This fic was inspired by this moodboard I made for a previous sleepover. I ended up really liking the concept and said 'yolo swag lets make it an AU 🤪🤪' I'll make an AU post like how I did with Teach Me Tonight in the near future and maybe give a new and improved moodboard idk ehehe Remember to reblog and comment if you enjoyed what you read 😊

Fuckuary Day 14: Mutual Masturbation + Toys - sugar daddy!Simu Liu

Banners by @maysdigitalarts | Dividers by @firefly-graphics

Navigation | Main Masterlist | Simu Liu Masterlist | Honey Baby AU | Fuckuary Masterpost

Dating the Simu Liu has been a dream come true. The way you two met was kind of a funny story. You ran into him almost a year ago, gawking over how he inspired you to get back into acting after dropping out of college. He offered to help pay for your student loans, claiming that you should be focusing on your acting classes instead.

Of course, the handsome actor stayed true to his word. However, over time, he started buying you jewelry and dresses, and all the things you never thought you would own. Part of you wanted to question all the extra gifts, but at the same time, you didn’t want to be seen as ungrateful. Especially when it was Simu Liu that was catering to you. As expensive as these items were, you realized that you really loved them. More importantly, you realized you loved him.

Before Shang-Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings was released in theaters, Simu offered to take you on the press tours so you could see firsthand what they’re like. At the press tours, he’d show you off and make a point to introduce you to everyone at the events, telling them that they’d better remember your name because you will be just as famous as him. As the press tour came to an end, you finally asked him why he did all this for you of all people. You claimed that you didn’t deserve any of his gifts, let alone his kindness, because you were just some ordinary girl.

Simu responded by pulling you into the most breathtaking kiss you could possibly experience. Just like the movies, time slowed down and the rest of the world ceased to exist as your lips moved in unison. Once you broke away, you were left speechless, which allowed Simu to explain himself.

“You deserve all of the finest things in life, success included. I don’t think anyone else can give you that.” You stared longingly, and he combed his fingers through his silky hair. “Safe to say I fell pretty hard for you and this is me trying to prove it to you.” He didn’t need to say anything else. It’s not like you wanted him to anyway. All you wanted was him and only him. And that's how you became Simu Liu’s girl.

Your first Valentine’s Day has been a real treat. You were used to being spoiled and treated like royalty by Simu, but this time, it came from a place deep in his heart. When you woke up, you were greeted by a million balloons scattered around the room you shared. Following the rose petals on the floor into the kitchen, your boyfriend met you with a hearty breakfast. You were so enamored by this gesture that you jumped onto the kitchen counter to make out with him. Before you could snake your hand down his pants, Simu pulled away from you with a teasing laugh. You sighed in frustration as your nose grazed against his.

“I know, honey. So eager to take me now,” he taunted, mischief painted across his face. “Just you wait, baby girl. I have plans for you tonight.” He winked, causing your eyes to light up in excitement. “Let’s just get through the rest of today and I promise I will make you feel so good, you’ll need to call off work the next day.” You ate your breakfast alongside Simu, pondering the endless possibilities of how your Valentine’s evening could go.

When you arrived home after an intensive acting class, you found Simu reading over a script for an upcoming project. You creeped up behind him, wrapping your arms around his shoulders. Your lips ghosted over his earlobe, a spot that he didn’t realize turned him on until after the first time you both had sex. Simu began to melt under your touch, yearning for your mouth on his ear.

“I’m home, Daddy,” you purred seductively, gently engulfing your lips around his earlobe. You calling him daddy was his absolute weakness. It took all his willpower not to slam you onto the couch and fuck you senseless. Simu didn’t want to cave into your temptations. Not when he had the whole night lined up for you.

“Hello to you too, honey. How was your class?” Simu turned his head so he could peck your lips.

“It was okay.” Simu nodded, waiting for you to continue. “All I could think about was what you plan on doing to me tonight. I was imagining how good you’re gonna make me feel and it just made my pussy so wet.” Your finger traced his sharp jawline, angling his face towards yours. “Tell me Daddy. What are you gonna do to me?”

Simu was two seconds away from stripping you and fucking you right then and there. He snapped himself back to his senses, keeping his dominant demeanor.

“Actually, before we get started, I have something for you.” He paused. “Make that some things. Go upstairs and open the first gift I got you–I think you will know what to do with it–Then, I’ll give you the second part of your little gift.” You giggled like a schoolgirl before spinning around to head upstairs. Simu bit his bottom lip as he watched you run up the stairs.

In your room, you found a pink box wrapped in a red ribbon. Unraveling the present, you opened it to find a lacy lingerie set that only covered your most intimate parts. You removed your work clothes to put on the lingerie set that hugged you in all the right places. Even after dating him for a couple months, it still surprised you how well Simu knew what you felt comfortable yet confident wearing. You circled around yourself, admiring your own reflection in the same fashion Simu would have. After a final glance over, you headed downstairs where he waited for you.

As your foot left the final step down, Simu turned his attention towards you, his jaw falling slack and his eyes widening. You licked your lips as he stared at you with hunger and lust.

“God, you’re so fucking sexy, honey. Come here to Daddy.” You strutted towards him, crawling into his lap and linking both legs on either side of him. The palms of your hands rested on top of his chest as Simu scanned his eyes over your lace covered frame. You were so delectable that he had to swallow the lump in his throat.

“Mmm, I meant to treat you this Valentine’s Day,” Simu said, reaching to the side to grab another box almost identical to the one that held your lingerie. “But this…” His finger trailed over your bra straps, “is as much of a treat for me as it is for you, honey.” He handed you the next gift, which you wasted no time in ripping open. What was hidden behind the wrapper made you breath hitch.

In your hand was a box that carried a vibrating wand, one that you had been looking at on the online sex shop that you were too nervous to purchase from. Your panties dampened, picturing how the vibrator would bring you to a mind blowing orgasm. The sound of Simu’s smug laughter pulled you back to reality.

“I know you wanna try it out, huh, baby?” You nodded meekly as his brown eyes stirred with desire. “Why don’t you sit on the love seat and put on a little show for Daddy?” Your cheeks warmed up at his words. Your legs were jelly, but you managed to get up and obey his orders. Once you were settled on the loveseat across from Simu, you yanked your panties down until they dangled from one of your ankles. Your wet pussy was on display for your boyfriend, which caused his jeans to tighten.

You sucked in a breath as you pulled out the wand from its box, testing your grip on the device. Your thumb swiped over the switch in the same manner Simu’s fingers would over your pussy before penetrating your sopping hole. Before your mind could wander further, you flipped the switch on, the buzzing sound filling the room. You brought the head of the wand to your cunt, chills creeping up your spine from the vibrations on your most sensitive area.

“Holy fucking shit! Woah!” You didn’t mean to, but you snickered at how overwhelmingly good the device felt touching you. Simu palmed his bulge through his pants as he studied your reactions to the toy.

“How does it feel, honey? That pussy feel good?” His voice was deep with fervor and it only added to your arousal.

“F-feels s-so good, Daddy!” Your voice cracked and you let out a flustered whimper. “Thank you for my new toy, Daddy!” You tossed your head back and curved your back into a C shape. This allowed your pussy to ride against the vibrator, which made Simu growl like a rabid animal.

He grunted a faint “fuck it” before undoing his pants to whip out his hard cock. Spitting into his rough palm, he rubs the thick liquid all over his girth while lightly squeezing his balls. Precum glistened over the tip as he slowly stroked over his length. His dark eyes drooped as he admired the way your pussy ground against the buzzing toy. Your gaze locked with his and you gasped at the sight of Simu jacking himself off. The view was so delicious, your carnal instincts took over, aggressively rutting your hips over the vibrator.

“Oh, fuck, Daddy! You’re so hot when you stroke your big cock for me. You’re gonna make me fucking cum.” Now, your moans were louder than the vibrator that sloshed against your wetness. The sweet mixture of sounds was something that would be ingrained in Simu’s mind for eternity. Still, he wanted to hear more of those pretty noises.

“Me too, baby girl. You’re so sexy when you play with yourself.” He huffed in desperation. “I love watching you fuck yourself with your toys. Maybe I’ll get you more if you’ll be a good girl and cum for me.” This led you to plunge your fingers inside your cavern while pressing the vibrator harder against your throbbing clit.

“I’ll be your good girl and cum for you. Holy shit! I-I-I’m gonna, oh god-” Your fingertips brushed against your G-spot at the same time the wand quivered on your engorged bud. You shut your eyes and cried out, letting the waves of pleasure wash over you. Simu was not too far behind you. He grunted your name like a broken record until hot cum erupted from his swollen tip. His pulsing cock and taut hand is covered in his seed.

Both you and Simu sprawled out on the furniture, slick with sweat and panting for air. He was the first to pop his head up and check on you. Still bathing in the afterglow, you laid there humming and giggling to yourself. It didn’t hit you that the vibrator was still on until you felt the buzzing on your thigh. Clicking the device off, you tossed it to the side, letting it roll out of your hand.

“You like your present, baby girl?” Simu’s calm voice returned along with his soft face.

You sighed in bliss. “I love it so much! Thank you Daddy for always treating me like a princess. I love you!”

Simu laughed, his dimples forming by the corners of his mouth. “I love you too, honey.” He gestured you towards him, reeling you in with his index finger. “C’mere and gimme a kiss.” You hopped up and immediately attacked him with a searing kiss. His tongue slid into your mouth, flicking against yours, causing drool to drip from your lower lip. You moaned as he pulled away to suck your neck, your pussy growing with need once again.

“I have something for you too, Daddy.”

“Oh really? What is it?” He cocked an eyebrow, pretending to be dumbfounded just to see what you would do next.

“Lie down and I’ll show you.” You shoved him flat on the couch and climbed over his face. He smirked below you, taking in your scent. That familiar darkness in his eyes clouded his tender gaze.

“Oh baby girl, you really are a sweet treat. I don’t call you ‘honey’ for no reason, ya know.” With that, Simu gripped your hips and pulled you onto his tongue.

#simu liu #simu liu imagine #simu liu oneshot #simu liu fic #simu liu fanfiction #simu liu smut #simu liu x reader #simu liu x you #smut #rpf smut #rpf #fem!reader #reader insert #no y/n #*fuckuary '22 #lemon fic #honey baby au

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lokicat5 · 3 years

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Adventures in Jedi-Sitting

Okay guys, look, I’m sorry about this.

This is my first original post, so I hope you like it! This was supposed to be a response to a star wars post about a slice-of-life show (that I know I’ve reblogged before), but Tumblr just wouldn’t reblog it. And besides, it was long enough anyway, so, I made it into my own post! This is like the first thing I’ve properly, actually, physically written, so I’m sorry (and I’d really appreciate some feedback on it)! I just got into a flow, and I really think an “Adventures in Babysitting” episode would be awesome, because, who doesn’t need to see Cody and Rex dying inside over watching a bunch of little Jedi kids? It’s not very refined, and I haven’t worked out EVERY detail yet, so if you have any ideas for one of the things I’ve left vague or not really explained, feel free to comment or reblog (or message me, I don’t know how Tumblr works lol). Anyway, I hope you like it, this took me like 3-4 hours to write :)

Warning: It’s kinda long-ish. That’s it. Enjoy! :D

Okay, so it starts like this...

Anakin or Obi-wan have been assigned to look after younglings for a day, and are taking them on a “field trip” of some kind, possibly an educational one. I’m kinda thinking they’ll stay near/on Coruscant maybe? Idk. And like for some reason they bring Cody and Rex, maybe just as a safeguard or something, or as an extra pair of adults so that the two MatureTM Jedi aren’t outnumbered vastly by smol Jedi.

But then something comes up, and Anakin and Obi-wan are needed somewhere because of an emergency. They don’t want to leave the kids, but they don’t have enough time to bring the kids back to the temple. Then Cody proposes, “We could watch them, sirs.” and Obi-wan looks skeptical, as does Anakin, but Rex agrees with Cody and says, “oh go on sirs, we’ll be fine, they’re just a bunch of kids.” And Obi-wan and Anakin share a dubious look because “just a bunch of kids” with Force powers could be more of an issue than even the two most capable clones people they know can handle. And these kids are pretty young, too, but still really powerful, and there’s no back up, just the two of them. But they reassure the Jedi that they’ll be fine and it’ll be a good experience. At one point Rex is like, “Really, we’ve got this. I mean, we’ve had enough experience looking after the two of you,” and they finally get the two to give in (it was an emergency after all, so time is of the essence).

And once the Jedi are gone, the chaos fun begins.

It starts of smoothly enough, but then they can’t find one of the kids when they go to give them healthy snacks (provided by the Temple), and it all goes downhill from there. Chaos ensues, and one of the kids lifts Rex and Cody into the air, who watch helplessly as the kids start grabbing all the sugary snacks they can find and escape. Cody’s like “We... should probably call the Generals” but Rex is like “No! We can do this, besides, they’re busy.” They eventually get dropped once the kids are far enough away, and now they’re frantically looking for a little group of extremely small, Force-sensitive children, and Cody’s just like “can we call them NOW!?” and Rex is like “No! And see, there they are!” and they have to get the kids out of some tight spot, but while defending the kids they run off again and steal a speeder, and they’re all working together to drive it. They nearly get away, but Rex and Cody realize they’re gone - “Hey, where’d they go NOW?” - and manage to catch them, almost getting run over then dropped off the speeder in the process.

*cut to a battle scene with Obi-wan and Anakin fighting some droids side by side*

O: Do you think Rex and Cody are doing all right with the kids?

A: I’m sure they’re fine.

*cut back to Rex and Cody, screaming and holding onto the back of the speeder for dear life, trying not to fall off, while the kids are driving too fast the wrong way, head on into rush-hour traffic*

Cody’s like “WE SHOULD HAVE CALLED THE GENERALS!!!” and Rex is like “THIS WAS YOUR IDEA CODY! AND BESIDES, WE’RE FINE! THE GENERALS TRUSTED US SO WE HAVE TO DO THIS OURSELVES!” and Cody’s all like “THIS IS SOOO NOT FINE” but they manage to get back into the speeder. Unfortunately, Anakin picks this perfect moment to check in on Rex to see how they’re doing. Rex and Cody are panicking because “We can’t answer that NOW!” but they also can’t not answer it either, so Rex just kinda motions for Cody to take the steering away from the kids and he answers the comm.

And Anakin’s like “Hey Rex, how’s it going with the kids?” And Rex is watching Cody trying to wrestle with the steering as one of the more stubborn kids uses the Force to keep driving, and he’s like “Everything’s going great, sir.” Anakin’s like “They aren’t giving you too much trouble are they? Those ones were supposed to be a particularly rowdy bunch.” Rex nearly drops the comm while lunging to grab a kid who, now bored, is trying to climb out the sides of the speeder, and he’s like “No sir, no trouble. They’re practically perfect little angels.” Personally, Rex decides this is more stressful than some battles he’s been in, though Cody swerving the vehicle while trying to get back to the right side of traffic feels familiar enough. Anakin’s voice comes back over the comm. “Well, Obi-wan and I are just about finished here, so we’ll be on our way back as soon as we notify the locals that their Separatist problem has been dealt with.” Rex has a fresh wave of panic wash over him, but he manages a “Very good sir, can’t wait to see you.” That’s partly true, as he’s very ready to return custody of the kids to Anakin. But just as he’s responding, Cody swerves to avoid another vehicle, which honks loudly, and the kids all laugh and cheer. Anakin sounds suspicious when he asks “Rex... what was that?” And Rex just dies. “U-uh, nothing sir. Just playing a game with them sir. Uh, got another call coming in sir, sorry sir, glad the mission went, well, can’t wait to see you!” Anakin’s like “Rex-” but Rex keys off the comm and turns to Cody, who’s gotten them back in the right lane at last. “Cody, the Generals are coming back and we have NO IDEA WHAT WE”RE DOING!” Cody’s like “I TOLD you we should’ve called someone!” And Rex gets an idea. He swoops to grab another kid, then keys back on the comm and makes the call.

When they get the speeder back to wherever their starting place had been, Ahsoka’s already there, waiting by her speeder-bike. She may not be part of the Order anymore, but Rex still calls her for advice every once in a while, and even just to say hi. They park the speeder and she walks over, shaking her head. Cody’s like, “Thank you for coming to help, General,” and she can see he really means it. The kids are still in the speeder, mostly piled on Rex, who looks at her and mouths “HELP”. She grins and says, “Rex sounded desperate, and by the looks of it, you definitely needed some help. How did you two even get in this mess?” She picks up two of the kids, and Cody picks up two more, unburying Rex enough to get out to help the last three. Rex sighs and says “It’s a long story...”

So they explain to Ahsoka what they did while she shakes her head at some parts, and she helps them set the kids back in the main area of the compound where they started. “You really let them eat (insert alternative to candy here)? That’s your first mistake.” and Rex (indignantly) says “We didn’t LET them do anything! They picked us up and floated us to the ceiling and then took the stuff themselves!” and Ahsoka’s laughing, but so are Rex and Cody and they’re watching the kids playing together and they realize they seriously like these kids.

By the time they’ve finished their tale (”...then we were back here, and, well, you know the rest.”), the kids are all tired out, and Ahsoka helps tuck them into their little rest nooks in the compound’s wall. Rex is just like, “how do you do this?” and she’s like “First: I’ve dealt with younglings before, and second: they’re just kids. There IS more to life than the war. When it’s over, life’ll go back to normal.” She grins at him, and says “It’ll be fine Rex. Besides, it’ll get easier as they get older. They lose most of this chaotic energy eventually.” Rex grins back and says, “What, like you?” and they’re laughing again, but quietly because the kids are still sleeping. Rex thinks of Cut’s family, and finds himself wondering about after the war, and if he could babysit Cut’s kids... Ahsoka walks to the door and stops, looking back as Cody and Rex follow her. “I should probably get out of here before Anakin and Obi-wan get back, and besides, the owner of this speeder will probably be wanting it back. We don’t want you two getting arrested, after all.” They both thank her as she takes the speeder back to its owner, her bike attached to the side, and they both wave as she disappears from sight.

About a minute later, they hear the sounds of a small ship landing outside, and are greeted momentarily by Obi-wan and Anakin. Obi-wan looks skeptical as he enters, glancing around the main room suspiciously. “The two of you survived!” Anakin says, grinning. “We did sir,” Rex says tiredly. It’s been a very long day. “The children weren’t too much trouble, I hope?” Obi-wan asks. “Oh no sir, they were fine,” Cody replies. “They were downright peaceful, for kids. Or Jedi for that matter. Easier than taking out a row of clankers.” Obi-wan and Anakin trade a dubious look, but they thankfully don’t mention the sounds they heard over Rex’s comm. “Well, I’m glad to hear that Cody. But, um...” he trails off, and the two clones feel their hopes sinking. Here it comes, they both think. “It’s very quiet in here, and I daresay a little too quiet. Where are the children?” Obi-wan asks. He sounds a little worried, and Anakin’s grin slips a little as he realizes the same thing. Rex and Cody both relax though. Relieved, Cody replies .“They’re sleeping sir.” Obi-wan’s eyebrows go up. “Sleeping?” Cody points down the hall behind them to the room with the sleeping nooks, and the two Jedi go and poke their heads in to find 7 little Jedi, tucked in and fast asleep. Obi-wan’s smiling as he walks back to them, and he says “I don’t know how you did it, but I’m very impressed, you two.” Both Rex and Cody practically glow with that, and they both say “Thank you sir” in unison, then smile at each other. “Wow,” Anakin remarks, “you both look really worn out though.” Cody can only nod, while Rex manages a “Yes sir.” Obi-wan and Anakin look at each other, then come to a silent agreement. “Sleepover!” Anakin yells, pumping his fist. They all shush him, and he looks apologetic as he whisper-shouts “Sleepover!” Both clones fall asleep where they’re sitting within two minutes, a small “Thank you sirs” coming from both of them. They look like they’re guarding the children, and Obi-wan and Anakin think it’s a very heartwarming sight. The two Jedi bring in extra blankets and pillows from the ship, and they make their friends comfortable before falling asleep themselves, the kids still snoring in the other room.

As they disembark from the ship the next morning, tiny Jedi troublemakers swarming around their legs, Cody and Rex feel a mix of relief and regret. Relief, because they won’t have to chase them all over Coruscant anymore, having panic attacks of every kind while trying to cause as little damage as possible and protect their tiny fragile lives. Regret, because they’ll miss the little troublemakers (no matter how hard they try to convince themselves they won’t). While their Generals are speaking to the Jedi usually in charge of the children, Rex thinks about how the last 24 hours compares to following Anakin with the rest of the 501st. He was struck by how similar their adventure was to an average day with the older Jedi, following them into dangerous situations, protecting them and doing as little damage as possible, as well as cleaning up the mess afterwards. Even calling in reinforcements was a familiar move, and he found himself smiling at the thought of these tiny Jedi leading a group of clones into battle. He also found himself fervently hoping that the war was over before they had to face that, but he swore that he’d follow them into battle himself if it meant he could protect them. They all swarmed him and Cody for hugs, and they once again found themselves buried in a pile of kids, before they ran off back to the adults, calling out “Bye! Bye!” as they ran. Obi-wan and Anakin walked back towards them and boarded the ship, having finished their conversation, and Rex and Cody followed them. Rex paused at the top of the ramp though, and turned to look back. The kids were still calling out their goodbyes as they disappeared into the temple, and they waved to him. He waved back to them, and heard Anakin call “Rex!”

And as the ramp closed behind him, he knew that they would turn out to be amazing Jedi indeed.

#my ramblings #rex and cody #my ficlet #jedi

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thewritingstar · 3 years

Text

Beautiful Revelations

Pairing: Gruvia (I know its been a hot ass min)

Fandom: Fairy Tail

tags: @shellielyzabeth @be-dazzled @nostalgicxslumber @unvalley @tigerfire54

Note: It has happened. I have written 200 fanfics and idk if I should be proud or slightly scared. (feel free to skip this omg why is it so long)

I want to say thank you to everyone who has read, liked, reblogged or interacted with me in any way. I have always had a feeling that no matter what I write, I wouldn’t matter. But every comment and sweet note left made me realize that even if its just a smile or enough to make someone hit the like button, I made a small difference or added something to the fandom. Most of my fics are quick drabbles full of spelling mistakes, random thoughts and love for the characters. I know I don’t write very long stories or finish my wips (why are we surprised) but even though Im not someone people look to as a big author, each of you have made me feel special. There have been many times, this year especially that I had decided to give up writing. “Im not good enough and no one will even notice” Thats what I told myself if I decided to just back away. But every so often I would look and see that someone new or old had read my work. Every time someone reads something I wrote, I go back and read it too. I look at all the tags and see every comment and I stop and smile and remember how much joy it brought me when I first posted.

When I first started writing, I thought that I wouldn’t have a place. Yet in a very short span of time, I was welcomed with open arms and people started to tune in regularly for my fics. I had been given many nicknames such as Gruvia goddess, angst queen, satan (yes I know the fic0 and well even Star.

During my darkest moments, my mind lingered to my writing and to my internet friends. without hesitation I could message someone and feel better and be given the reassure I need. I can't even begin to say how much it means to me that people actually enjoy my writing and even me as a person.

I thank each of you for giving me a joy that was considered a luxury at one point and allowing me to write whatever I wanted and you took it with love and made me happier than I have been in years. To all the people who made art or wrote me something, it means so much to me.

Im not saying that this fic is my greatest but I think it has a special place because It shows the growth over time. 200 fics is a lot and whether or not they were all good, it doesn't matter because I did that and I can say that im proud. Im sorry for all that sappy shit but I wouldn't be where I am without you all.

-Star <3

ps: im not dying or stop writing fics im just happy lol

---

“There is never a time or place for true love. It happens accidentally, in a heartbeat, in a single flashing, throbbing moment.”

― Sarah Dessen, The Truth About Forever

---

It was the nights like these that she hated most. The cold would creep through the blankets and make her shiver as her eyelids hung heavy. She could be ready to rest, let the sweet dreams guide her but instead those dark intrusive thoughts toyed with her like a fly on a freshly woven web. They would sprout out of nowhere, tangled with thorns and hold her mind hostage as it injected its sickly venomized thoughts for the night.

She always wondered how she got this far. She was one of the highest members of Phantom Lord, her abilities had rarely been matched. If she desperately craved, she could walk down the hallways and strike fear into the other members, no one could touch her. Hierarchies became a custom here. Once you made it to the top after clawing your way with blood, sweat and probably more blood, you were a god. Yet she walked in and in the next few minutes she was at the table with the master, already receiving a promise that she was special, a delicate and useful ally for the guild.

Special. What a swollen lie that turned out to be.

Maybe that's why she never bothered to search for a light, something to cure the rain. For every life she had bruised or ended, she wanted to feel the pain that followed. She needed to know the consequence of her actions, to be held accountable for ruining another family or taking something from the innocent. Instead she was celebrated.

The days turned to months and she found herself years later not knowing what anything meant anymore. Life used to be black and white. She would walk the side of the kind and good and now she was treading through a swarm of a morally gray compound.

These restless nights, she loathed them but then again, suffering was something that came naturally to her. The only person to ever knock her down was herself.

She climbed out of bed, fuzzy slippers over her feet as she walked to the bathroom. Her headache had worsened and she stared into the mirror. She had looked at herself a thousand times but… have her eyes always been that blue? No, she was tired and her vision was fuzzy, she was fine. Cold water came to her hands as she turned on the facet and splashed her face. Everything was the same as it always was. Expect for today.

Her order was simple. Defeat whoever stood in her way and make sure the Phantom Lord got Lucy Heratfilia. Why did they want some mage? She didn’t know but she was never one to second guess her orders. To go against what she was told was a waste of time, she would have been dead by the end of the day if she did. She had once believed that they accepted her with open arms, that Phantom Lord truly cared about her well being. It was a lie. A bitter sweet lie she allowed to remain in her head.

Hundreds of opponents had come before her. She was accustomed to the way of a battle and had harnessed her skill at a young age. The pure power of the rain pushed her further. She had an unlimited amount of power around her, unlike others, they would run out of fuel. She began to crave that god-like power. Allow the storm to rage on, all she had was herself and the droplets that followed. She understood she was an outcast. Love was never an option, not for someone who brought gloom everywhere.

But this afternoon, fate was a funny thing. She walked onto that rooftop, winning was the only thing on her mind, but he was there. A man who didn’t back down, a man who saw her as an equal.

Her heart began to race. It was forgien and she wasn’t sure if she liked it. She had felt attraction before but this, this was different. Something as small as a single glance had already spun her mind into a muddled mess. It would have been better if she turned around, if he didn’t engage in the fight. Then maybe she wouldn’t be thinking of him like this.

Love at first sight. That wasn’t real. No one could possibly have that happen. What could drive someone's emotion so wild that they become attached to a person in such a short time? And yet it happened. He stood there waiting for the next move and she could only gaze at him with rose colored glasses.

An enemy. A traitor. That's what she would be if she dared to let him escape. She couldn’t hestatite, she never did and now she was frozen in her spot as ice magic danced around her. Peoples magic and abilities never intrigued her, but this, this was beyond anything she had seen.

The light reflecting off of the ice as her droplets froze before her eyes was breathtaking and she hardly noticed that she was losing the battle. She never thought rain could look, dare she say, beautiful? But in this state of its frozen glory, it was all she could think about. She envied those who never had to stay in the rain, a jealousy she didn’t want to admit had festered over the years and she gave up trying to despise the element. But before her was something much more than the state she was accustomed to. Ice. The solid purity of her own and she had wondered what it would be like to hold it in her hands.

She had water locked him, pulled out all of the stops and even with that, he stood again and again. He had screamed that the water was boiling, burning his skin but never before had the water gone above warm. It was usually ice cold on the tipping point of freezing but she could feel the warmth surrounding her.

It shocked her just the same. She had heard people talk about feeling the sun kiss their skin, the warmth spreading as they walked, this was the closest she had felt to that. This warm rush of water was beyond what she had known and yet even as it tinged her hands it felt good, it felt freeing, it felt right.

It burned in a way she had craved for so long. Something other than the fridgeness she had grown used too.

She stared at her reflection in her mirror, tears brimming her eyes. How could one person she just met bring her something she had never felt before? She shut the light out in the bathroom and walked back to her bed, passing her window, she stopped and turned.

Above in the sky was the moon. A soft white glow surrounded the orb that she had never seen before. It was breathtaking. A cosmic power the normal people of the world didn’t dare to worship now became a luxury. The sky was clear and she could see the stars, she could sense them all. How could she have lived her entire life never once seeing the moon and the sun? She had been cursed to live in the rain forever.

But he-he made it stop.

When he grabbed her arm, it was like time had stopped. As if everything she had ever known was washed away and all she could see was a bright light encasing him. She was content knowing her death was coming, there was hardly a reason for her to live. Perhaps she wasn't even living, just surviving day after gloomy day.

He pulled her to safety, her back against the roof as she panted heavily. Those clouds above her moved like a curtain for a show, parting just so that she could see the enchanting mystery she had always craved.

She had never known a blue sky till then. The brightness was almost unbearable as she stared into a sky she had never known. So many emotions flooded her head but it was clear as those ice crystals that her heart was beating for him. She was his enemy, they made that clear from the start but he hadn’t hesitated to save her. He showed a mercy she had never come across.

Another tear fell as she sat on her bed.

“He saved Juvia.” She whispered to herself. A horrific thought came to her. Would she have saved him? She didn’t want to know the outcome because deep down she believed she was good. Beneath the surface of unremosle power, there was that scared little girl who never had anyone to care for her.

The amount of days she sat in that orphanage alone sewing her dolls and praying that the rain stopped one way or another, it was as if she couldn’t remember it. He had done the impossible. He showed her the sky she hadn’t seen. He had shown her kindness.

A thought came to mind as she stood and packed her things. No more would she be known as “the rain woman”. No more would gloom be her only trait. She was determined to find something much more appealing than those bowing by fear. She wanted love. She wanted that warmth of the water constantly and the feeling of the sun on her skin. She understood it now. There was a power strong than her, stronger than any wizard that surrounded the other guild.

She had vowed to be done with love. Promised herself that no man could hurt her again. She was trembling at the thought of being vulnerable once more. The only time she felt warmth was the scorching burn of a fiery rejection and words that burned like lava. It was too much for someone to handle. So she pushed it down, locked the key and threw it as far as she could. The temptation though. The idea of letting her guard down for someone, someone she barely knew? How she fantasized of that moment. She had once believed that someone of her past had done that, but they were all the same. Ashamed of the rain, the rain she caused, the pain she brought.

And after their fight when she collected herself and tried to run back towards her guild, he stopped her.

“For what it's worth I think you’re an incredible wizard. You may not want to believe that your guild is dark and bad but, Fairy Tail is always open.” He had said it with such sincerity that she wasn’t sure if it were true.

“Juvia thinks your magic is just as powerful.” She had said before he gave her a smile and turned away to go back to his other guild mates.

And here she stood, a suitcases packed in the night and a note left on the desk. This guild didn’t deserve any words. Not when they feasted on her ability. Harvested those negative emotions and almost made her fall into the deep end.

She knew what they would say. They would call her a coward. A traitor and a worthless wizard, at first it was enough to stop her. Make her stay and perhaps bring back the clouds. However what he said stuck in her mind.

“I would rather die fighting than let your guild have Lucy! She is one of us and we don’t leave anyone behind.”

Without hesitation he made it clear that every member of the guild was valued no matter how long they had been there, they were a family. If something like that would have happened, if she were threatened, her guild would let her die without a second thought.

Never again would she allow someone to have a hold over her. She spent too many years sheltered by pain and deviation to go on like that.

She grabbed her bag and closed her door.

Juvia stood in front of the door. The morning would be better to do this but it was beyond dark outside and she didn’t want her intrusive thoughts pulling her back to her old guild. Softly she knocked, maybe hoping that he wouldn’t hear it and force her back to the isolation of fear.

The open clicked open and her eyes widened slightly as a sleepy Gray leaned against the door frame, shirtless and rubbing his eyes.

“Juvia?” He blinked and watched as her cheek puffed out in red. He looked down to see that he was only in his underwear and let out a yelp as he grabbed a blanket off the chair. “What are you doing here?”

“Um Juvia thought.” She paused and looked towards the ground. “Actually Juvia apologies for disturbing you.” Her back was to him and she began to walk away.

“Wait!” His hand caught hers and he pulled slightly. A jolt of warmth spread through her, burning her like a thousand suns as well as the chill of ice from his own temperature. She looked back at him, eyes wide and lips parted. “Juvia, please just tell me.”

“Such kindness.” She whispered to herself. Her heart rate sped up just like it did earlier and she swallowed a breath. “Juvia was wondering…why did you save her?”

His hand dropped her as if he were shocked that she would dare question his action.

“I wasn’t going to let you die. Enemies or not, I don’t think you deserved that fate. I don’t believe that you are this evil person your guild made you out to be. To be honest when you fell, you look like you didn’t care what happened and I guess I saw myself in you.”

“You saved Juvia because you know what it's like?”

“To feel lost and hopeless I guess.” He scratched the back of his neck nervously. “Sometimes it's hard thinking you deserve to live, that it would be better to harbor all the pain of your past. I don’t know everything about you but that look in your eyes. I couldn’t let you go knowing that there was a brighter future ahead.”

A tear dripped from her eye. Her smile was soft as hugged her arms to her body. “You knew Juvia would join the guild.”

“Well I wouldn’t say I knew, but I was hoping that you would. If you still want to, that is.”

“Juvia would be honored.” She bowed respectfully towards him.

Gray smiled and bowed back. His eyes faced the sky looking towards the moon. “Have you ever seen it?”

“Tonight would be the first. Juvia thinks the stars are remarkable.”

“Lucy knows alot about them, I think you two would be good friends.”

Juvia shook her head as regret twisted in her stomach. “Juvia accepts your kindness and compassion but she doesn’t know if the rest will. Juvia was her rival, she understands if everyone doesn’t see her as a friend.” She frowned slightly.

A laugh came from the ice mage's mouth. “That's the thing about Fairy Tail, no matter where you come from or what your past may have held, there's always going to be a friend waiting.”

Juvia nodded. “Thank you Gray. Juvia will talk to your guild master tomorrow.”

“Like I said before. You’re an incredible wizard, you’ll be just fine.” He winked.

“Have a nice night.”

“You too.”

She watched as he entered his house before turning around and walking towards her hotel. Her shoulders felt lighter and she held her head high for the first time. This was her step in the right direction, this was where her new life began.

Time had slowed and allowed her to pause. A beautiful revelation she never knew could exist came to mind as she just realized that she was in love.

---

She looked down at her leg in the mirror. The voices behind her had faded to the background as she became entranced with the mark of Fairy Tail.

“The blue suits you.” She turned to see Gray standing there with a smile as he was focused on her guild mark.

To say that she was grateful was an understatement. Her mask she wore like a crown had shattered. It unravels in his hands as the months went on and all that was left was the person she wanted to be. She could finally let go of her ghosts, her darkness and begin to forgive herself.

---

“What do you think?” He asked her as the white sky fell with snow.

Gray had told her of a special spot he used to go to when the first snow came. Past the forest was a clearing of grassy hills that would soon become a winter wonderland. Laid out on one of the hills was a blanket and a few lanterns.

She held her hand out and felt the tiny snowflakes collect on her hand. He sat behind her, one arm snaked around her waist while the other hand rose above hers and created a small flurry of snowflakes.

“Breathtaking.” She gushed. This was the first time she had seen snow fall. Her eyes followed the ice magic as it formed a heart and blew into the sky joining the other flurries. She turned so she could meet his eyes and his normal content face was replaced with a smile.

He leaned forward until their noses touched briefly. “Have I ever told you how beautiful you are?” He said and she only had a moment to process his words as his lips landed on hers and her eyes fluttered close.

Her hand went to his cheek as she leaned towards him, her energy matching his and all she could hear was the thumping of her heart. She would be embarrassed to say that she might have dreamt of this moment a little too much but it didn’t matter now. All she knew was that her beloved felt the same.

---

For once she was happy to hear a cry. That little whimper bubbling from the baby's mouth, her baby, she was in disbelief. Perfection was a rarity. No one was perfect, but the being with a tuft of dark blue hair and grey eyes would beg to differ. A child was never in her future. The thought came up randomly but the idea of raising a family wasn’t even a question.

During her missions in her old guild, she would walk past a family. She would see happy faces on everyone and would only be filled with envy and hatred. Disgusting was what it was. How could you love someone else when there was no love for you?

But times change. She would see others holding their child's hand and feel a warmth in her heart at how the children beamed up at their parents. She could sense the love all around them and would smile herself, hoping that it might become a reality for herself.

She would wake in the middle of the night, not from her demons but for her new reason to live. He would babble and tug at the locks of her hair and giggle when water magic danced before his young eyes.

---

It was nights like these that loved the most. The soft rays of moonlight casting shadows through her window as silk sheets wrapped around her bare form. She used to spend nights alone, only her pillow to catch her tears and now delicate fingers trail her backside as she listens to the thumping of his heart. His chest rises and falls as her own follows the rhythm. Her eyes flutter close as her tiredness grows untils it's interrupted by a cool press of lips under her ear.

A peaceful sigh leaves her lips as she tilts her head up to meet dark eyes gazing at her. Flushed cheeks was something she wore often and she lifted off of him to move further up and meet his lips with hers. He pulls her back to him, hating the emptiness between them and adores the way she shivers when his thumb traces her guild mark.

Their love was honest and raw. She had learned that nights like those in the past would haunt him as well. They would keep him up and plague his thoughts with images of death and destruction. But now, they lingered in the shadows, always there but something brighter and beautiful guarded them to peace and she focused on the way he breathed her name then the tears that dropped.

There was an overwhelming amount of happiness that she had gathered after all the years she spent in Fairy Tail. She found friendship and family bonds. Love in all forms that she cherished deeply. Her powers were seen as a gift to help others and lend a hand, not twisted into medled lies that she had spent so long untangling.

Her lips pulled from his slowly and their breaths settled between them. When she looked at Gray she found something more. She had freedom and rebirth. Forgiveness and lust wrapped into something more than love. Their bond was stronger than she could have ever dreamed and when he left kisses over her skin she wanted nothing more in life than to stay frozen in this moment.

He did the impossible. He opened a door, shined a light through her darkness and allowed her to accept the fact that she did deserve to live. She could cherish moments and keep them as her own without the threat of corruption. Her life was now her own to command and she did it with such grace and beauty that Gray couldn’t imagine her being any different.

“I love you.” He promised and there was no doubt in her mind that he meant it.

“I love you too.” She responded.

The beautiful truth was that she was finally at peace and loved herself.

---

I hope that you all enjoyed and thank you for being so lovely <3

#Gruvia #Gruvia fic #gray x Juvia #Juvia x Gray #Juvia ft #gray fullbuster #juvia loxar #fairy tail #fairy tail fic #thewritingstar

139 notes · View notes

angel-deux-writes · 4 years

Note

Hi Angel! I've been a big fan of yours since HCM, and so I wanted to express my concern for your wellbeing. There was that big break when you took a month or so to finish HCM before posting it in quick succession, in order to not have to deal with the comments. Now, from what you've been writing in the notes to Dorne Rights, it looks like you are experiencing something similar. The selfish fan in me wants you to keep writing and keep posting, but the basic human in me is more worried that (1/2)

you are unhappy. Nothing is worth making yourself unhappy over, particularly not something that’s meant to give you pleasure. A favourite author of mine back in the days of my Spike/Angel obsession had a disclaimer on her stories telling readers to please not leave feedback of any kind, not even constructive criticism, on her fics because she finds them unhelpful. Her comment section was full of chats about various topics in that fandom, rather than her own fiction. Might help. (2/2)

Hello! I really appreciate this message, because you’re right: fanfic writing isn’t good for me.

(lol putting this beneath the cut because it’s way too long)

It’s actually my experience in this fandom that has made me realize that writing in general probably isn’t good for me, but unfortunately I feel a drive to it and can’t seem to stop myself from thinking I’ll one day get published, so that’s a bit of a downer. The truth is that I’m naturally disposed toward thinking that I’m shit, my words are shit, and every thought I’ve ever had is unoriginal and poorly written. It’s always been like that, from the time I wrote my first attempt at fiction at 7 years old to now at 31. It takes a lot for me to share my writing with people. I started writing fic at 14, basically as soon as I discovered that I wasn’t the only person composing stories about Han and Leia in their free time. I’m sure that my fics were horrendous. I give myself a hard time now, but 14 year old me probably deserved it even more. But there were sweet people on the internet who encouraged me (and lied to me) and told me that my stories were good, and that made a huge difference.

(that and my freshman year english teacher, who was very very cute and earnest and young and made me feel like I could actually be a writer.)

I’ve never been a part of a fandom before. Discourse and meta and long discussions about canon events have never interested me. I’ve said that before, and it remains true! I consume what canon there is, and sometimes I like it, and sometimes I hate it. Sometimes I’m so dissatisfied with it that I need to write something, and so I do. I don’t think I’ve ever written fic for something that I found entirely satisfactory. The extension of my being part of an actual fandom in the past was probably reblogging a few gifsets and recommending it to friends. I’ve just never had that sort of communal experience. This, the J/B fandom, was my first time really getting into it. It’s the first time I’ve ever made friends online that weren’t just frequent commenters on long multichapter fics! It has been exciting and I’m grateful for it! It’s just also probably not good for me.

It’s just, like, every time I post something, I’m fighting a very loud and very desperate voice in my head that’s saying “you’re shit and you shouldn’t bother”. It’s why I’m so good at writing first drafts of novels but so, so bad at getting past the second. It’s why I usually post fics only until I’ve worked out my frustrations: one or two fics per fandom and then ghosting away forever. It’s very hard to defy that voice and post something anyway, and this fandom experience has taught me that no matter HOW many stories I post, I’m ALWAYS going to have to fight that voice. And it’s gotten actively stronger. “You’re not what this fandom wants” “You’re not good at this” “Everyone’s just being nice” “You’ve overstayed your welcome”. Paying attention, often by accident, to the discourse and the metas only makes it worse, because my brain automatically turns to “well YOU don’t write them like that. That means you’re wrong”. I can tell myself as many times as I want that I myself like many different interpretations of J/B! My brain goes “yeah, but you’re just an idiot who doesn’t know any better. There’s a right way, and you’re not doing it”.

THIS IS ALL SO DRAMATIC! But it’s just the truth! Every time I post something, it’s against my nature. NO ONE outside of fandom reads my writing! I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve allowed my close friends and family to read things. So while it may seem like, idk, like I should just be able to get over it, negative comments, or even SLIGHTLY critical comments, really hit me hard. For all the positive feedback I get (and I really AM super grateful for it, and it means the world to me), those few critical voices seem louder because they’re agreeing with what I have already known about myself. And so it feels almost like a victory, but a shitty one. “Ha! I was right this whole time! I AM a shit writer, and I’ve for some reason tricked those other people into thinking I’m good!”

For a long time (much longer than I’ve ever written for any other fandom, obviously), I was able to shove it to the side. The J/B fandom HAS been super good to me, and they HAVE been wonderful about giving me feedback and making me feel welcome and included. But those negative voices are just SO LOUD to me, even though I know logically that they shouldn’t be.

It would be easy to point to a specific problem and say that my issues will be fixed if only I can address that. I do it CONSTANTLY. Maybe if I stopped tagging other relationships. Maybe if I stopped tagging other characters. Maybe if I tagged my works super specifically. Maybe if I made author’s notes about how I’m a shit writer and people shouldn’t expect things from me. Maybe if I just wrote “THIS STORY IS WRITTEN ALREADY AND IM JUST EDITING AS I GO! PLEASE DONT SUGGEST THINGS!” I just feel like, increasingly, I want fewer and fewer eyes on my fics. It’s the opposite of the problem I thought I would have. But my confidence took a huge hit with HCM, and then I was finally feeling good enough to post Dorne Rights. It was probably a mistake!

idk, maybe it’s just all the shit that’s going on in the world + in my personal life. Maybe it’s just time. Maybe I’m just running out of inspiration. But the positive voices aren’t loud enough to drown out my own negative self-voice this time, and so I’ve been trying to figure out how to handle it. Part of me wants to delete Dorne Rights with the intention of reworking it and maybe posting it again down the line with fewer tags and a lot more reminders that people can write their own stories if they don’t like mine. Part of me wants to just do a HCM and post it all at once so that I can leave the finished product up (even if I now think the entire thing is garbage). Part of me wants to stop writing fic entirely, at least until the next time I watch something with an ending so bad it fucks me up. I think my solution will probably be a massive step back from fandom for a little while. I’ve been feeling a drive to work on my original stuff, and I should probably lean into that. I would like to still write and post J/B, once I find the inspiration, but I’m tired of feeling like this is a job. I think I got so deeply sunk into this attitude of “I NEED to write and post constantly because these people want me to, and they actually like what I write!!” that I stopped writing things because I wanted to write them and started writing them because I wanted to write things for other people, to make other people happy, and so that they could tell me that I’m not a shit writer at all.

I should make it clear that I do intend to write my JB fic swap thing FOR SURE. I will drag that story out of myself no matter what. But in general it’s probably just healthier for me to not spend so much time On Here especially, and on fic in general.

#this got maudlin and it's way too dramatic but whatever #it's been a long time coming tbh #im sorry for turning your ask into this lmao #it was not my intention when i started to answer it #but then I just kept typing #ladywinterbottom

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thomas-mvller · 4 years

Text

Tag games x 283129

Hello everyone so uh lately i've started to be more active on my music sideblog which means i've been hearting stuff like crazy for the past couple of months aka all the things i've been tagged in has been buried under all that nonsense SO because i hate leaving things undone i thought on doing them all at once and tagging a bunch of people so they can get a little distraction by doing them (as in, not all of them but whichever they might want to do)

Again: you do not have to do all of them, not even one if you don't feel like doing so! there's a game for everyone so hey!

Tagging: @havertsz @foreverbayern @germanynts @sherlockisonfire @debushit @sadiiomane10 @miasanmuller @elishamanning @abcde-fc @bbjim @littletentaclemonster @tamtam-elizabeth @minimalloss @pearfight and whoever wants to do this! if you see it, consider yourself tagged >:))

Alright, here we go:

1) I was tagged by @/tamtam-elizabeth and @/sadiiomane10 to post a capture of my lockscreen, homescreen and last song i listened to. Thank you both <3

I used to be very annoying when it came to changing my lock/homescreen so now i just don’t do that often anymore (previous to that my homescreen was a pic of lfc winning ucl OBVIOUSLY) also i haven’t really been listening to music lately but i did have a depeche mode phase like two weeks ago and this was the song i replayed the most so hey!

///

2) “Get to know me” tag

Tagged by the always thoughtful @/tamtam-elizabeth , thank you and i’m sorry for taking so long ;-; <3

Name: Cloud

Birthday: sometime in november

Zodiac Sign: scorpio

Height: 5′4′’ or 1.65 (last time i checked..... which was like seven years ago)

Hobbies: lately it has been sewing facemasks 😂 that aside i like watching movies, random videos on yt, baking and crafting sometimes

Favorite colors: black, red and teal

Favorite Book: don’t think i have one :o

Last Song Listened to: barrel of a gun by depeche mode

Last Movie Watched: currently watching prince of egypt. if that doesn’t count then ben hur 😂

Inspiration or Muse: i really don’t know what to say here 😂

Dream Job: i still haven’t given up to my goal but at this point i just want a job that gives me stability and zero worries

Reason Behind my URL: Thomas Müller (German pronunciation: [ˈtoːmas ˈmʏlɐ]; born 13 September 1989) is a German professional footballer who plays for Bundesliga club Bayern Munich. A versatile player, Müller plays as a midfielde- okay no in all seriousness yess this url is bc of a football player 😂

///

3) Ten songs playlist tag

Tagged by the joy that is @/foreverbayern and the always sweetest @/havertsz . thank youuuuu <3

Rules: We’re snooping through your playlist. Put your entire music library on shuffle and list the first 10 songs and then choose 10 victims.

Some months ago I made the mistake of transfering the songs i had in my old computer to my current laptop and there are some stuff that just........ should not be acknowledged so i can’t do shuffle HOWEVER i will choose ten random songs i’ve listened to/discovered this year (technically speaking is the same) so here it is:

art-i-ficial by x-ray spex

sunny afternoon by the kinks

desire lines by lush

paper cuts by incubus

pure love by hayley williams

spirit by bauhaus

no one knows by screaming trees

let’s love by suho

all we need is a dream by cheap trick

cosmonauts by fiona apple

bonus: you’re so close by peter murphy (god i adore this song)

I wouldn’t be surprised if these aren’t your cup of tea tbh 😂

///

4) “Core aesthetic” tag

Tagged by @/havertsz - i’m sorry for the delay ;-; and thank you <3

rules: search your name + "core aesthetic" on pinterest, get a moodboard & select a few photos that come up

i can’t really use pinterest so i googled it instead, as you might’ve guessed this is what i got 😂

ps: i’ve been informed not to use pinterest so if you wish follow this post’s indications

ah this is so pretty, i loved doing this!

///

Tagged by @/germanynts @/havertsz and @/elishamanning to do this tag, thank you all <3

rules: describe yourself with pictures you already have saved. no downloading or searching for new ones. then tag 10 people.

if you want further explanations for each pic... ask ahead 😂

///

6) “bold what applies” tag

Tagged by the always enJoyable @/foreverbayern, thank yoooou <3

rules: bold what applies to you and tag a bunch of people

- Appearance

I am over 5’5 // I wear glasses/contacts // I have blonde hair // I prefer loose clothing over tight clothing // I have one or more piercings (had three...) // I have at least one tattoo // I have blue eyes // I have dyed or highlighted my hair // I have gotten plastic surgery // I have or had braces // I sunburn easily // I have freckles // I paint my nails // I typically wear makeup // I don’t often smile // I am pleased with how I look // I prefer Nike to Adidas // I wear baseball caps backwards

- Hobbies and interests

I play a sport // I can play an instrument // I am artistic // I know more than one language // I have won a trophy in some sort of competition // I can cook or bake without a recipe // I know how to swim // I enjoy writing // I can do origami // I prefer movies to tv shows // I can execute a perfect somersault // I enjoy singing // I could survive in the wild on my own // I have read a new book series this year // I enjoy spending time with my friends // I travel during school or work breaks // I can do a handstand

Relationships

I am in a relationship // I have been single for over a year // I have a crush // I have a best friend I have known for ten years // my parents are together // I have hooked up with my best friend // I am adopted // My crush has confessed to me // I have a long-distance relationship // I am an only child // I give advice to my friends // I have made an online friend // I met up with someone I have met online

- Aesthetic

I have heard the ocean in a conch shell // I have watched the sunrise // I enjoy rainy days // I have slept under the stars // I meditate outside // the sound of chirping calms me // I enjoy the smell of the beach // I know what snow tastes like // I listen to music to fall asleep (i did that for a long time and i sicnerely don’t recommend it) // I enjoy thunderstorms // I enjoy cloud watching // I have attended a bonfire (quick story time: one time when i was 12 my friends and i sneaked into our seniors’ school anniversary activities and they lit this huge bonfire near the football field, it was nuts) // I pay close attention to colours // I find mystery in the ocean (spoopy shit) // I enjoy hiking on nature paths // Autumn is my favourite season

- Miscellaneous

I can fall asleep in moving vehicles // I am the mom friend // I live by a certain quote(s) // I like the smell of sharpies // I am involved in extracurricular activities // I enjoy Mexican food // I can drive a stick-shift // I believe in true love // I make up scenarios to fall asleep // I sing in the shower // I wish I lived in a video game // I have a canopy above my bed // I am multiracial // I am a redhead // I own at least 3 dogs

///

my god this is getting embarassing i had stuff long due ;-;

Tagged by @/tamtam-elizabeth. think you for thanking on me when doing tag games, i mean it :-: <3

How old are you?: 24

Surgeries?: one

Tattoos?: none yet ://

Ever hit a deer?: i have never seen one so... no 😂

Sang karaoke?: yeah... years ago 😂

Ice skated?: nope

Ridden a motorcycle?: had the chance but nope

Ridden in an ambulance?: nope

Skipped school?: a handful of times

Stayed in a hospital?: for a few hours

Broken bones?: nope

Last phone call?: i haven’t called anyone in ages 😂

Last text from?: my mom

Pepsi or coke?: coke but i don’t mind having pepsi

Favorite pie?: haven’t had one

Favorite pizza?: chorizo + corn + red pepper

Favorite season?: autumn

Received a ticket?: don’t even know how to drive

Favorite color?: black, red and teal

Sunset or sunrise?: both!

Favorite Christmas song?: don’t think i have one, maybe universe by exo?

Cupcakes or cookies?: uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh good q, cookies?

///

8) “find your match” tag game

Tagged by @/tamtam-elizabeth, you’re allowed to punch me in the face at this point

Rules:

Take the test

Reblog this post with what type you got

Tag 7 mutuals to do the same!

I got the Dreamer and my ideal partner would be The Innovator ?)

Seek out opportunities to collaborate with INNOVATOR types, who combine your lofty idealism with a focus on pragmatic solutions. The grounding energy of the INNOVATOR can inspire you to apply your imagination to real-world change.

that’s deep fam 😂 but okay!

///

9) “get to know me tag”

Tagged by: @/littletentaclemonster . thank you and sorry for the delay ;-; <3

nickname: cloud zodiac: scorpio height: 5′4″ / 1.65 last movie I saw: can you believe i managed to watch another thing while making this? anyway it was The celluloid closet last thing I googled: block site extension favorite musician: as of right now? depeche mode song stuck in my head: you’re so close by peter murphy other blogs: @/brltpop and @/s-lay-ing amount of sleep: as long as i can get (usually 7 or 8) lucky numbers: don’t think i have one dream job: whatever gives me stability what am I wearing: pajamas favorite food: chinese, mexican and italian language: which ones do i know? spanish and english somewhat. i want to learn japanese and german :c can I play an instrument: nope favorite song: atm is YOU’RE SO CLOSE (8) random fact: my nails usually grow sort of square except for my thumb and index fingers, they grow round for whatever reason describe yourself in aesthetic things: ?????????? idk man, messy room? loose clothes? football? cd’s on a shelf, posters on the walls ?????

///

MY GOD WHY AM I LIKE THIS?????????

10)

Tagged by @/littletentaclemonster you too can punch me in the face

Rules: Bold the statements that apply to you, italicize your aspirations, then tag nine people.

AIR: I have small hands • I love the night sky • I watch small animals and birds when I pass them by • I drink herbal tea • I wake to see dawn • The smell of dust is comforting • I’m valued for being wise • I prefer books to music • I meditate • I find joy in learning new truths from the world around me

FIRE: I don’t have straight hair • I like to wear ripped jeans • I play an organized sport • I love dogs • I am not afraid of adventure • I love to talk to strangers • I always try new foods • I enjoy road trips • Summer is my favorite season • My radio is always playing

WATER: I wear bracelets on my wrists • I love the bustle of the city • I have more than one set of piercings • I read poetry • I love the sound of a thunderstorm • I want to travel the world • I sleep past midday most days • I love dimly lit diners and fluorescent signs • I rewatch kids’ shows out of nostalgia • I see emotions in colors not words

EARTH: I wear glasses/contacts • I enjoy doing the laundry • I am a vegetarian • I have an excellent sense of time • My humor is very cheerful • I am a valued advisor to my friends • I believe in true love • I love the chill of mountain air • I’m always listening to music • I am highly trusted by the people in my life

AETHER: I go without makeup in my daily life • I make my own artwork • I keep on track of my tasks and time • I always know true north • I see beauty in everything (sort of) • I can always smell flowers • I smile at everyone I pass by • I always fear history repeating itself • I have recovered from a mental disorder • I can love unconditionally

Water an aether huh, i don’t know what to do with this information 😂

/////////////

if you ask me i would very much appreciate it if you do the songs playlist tag bc i need recommendations thanks. Also massive apologies to the ones that were due since last year I had them in my drafts i swear!

Stay safe everyone :D

#ask games #yaay!#FINALLY #THE GUILT........ GONE #well this was fun

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dizzymoods · 4 years

Note

I agree with everything you've said but at the end of the day, when it comes to it you were defending an anti-black person who has had a history of anti-blackness. That corvid-420 person called black people fake for activism online and made fun of them speaking out against fandom racism. They also called black people karen. vis/ibility would've been willing to listen to you becuase she holds the same views you do on the subject. but i think when you defended

a white person who was being vehemently racist to black people, and allowed that person to reblog and stand behind you for defense, then she probably didn't listen to you. and i personally don't blame her becuase that discussion about black Americans and privilege should only be had between black people (all over the world) and allowing a white person to lead that discussion at this time was really bad. Same with liluchihahurt .

I’ve intentionally left corvid out of this conversation. I haven’t tagged them nor mentioned them nor engaged with them at all through this. I saw that post as a way to start this conversation with another black person. visibility has engaged with corvid more than she has me. she blocked me after reblogging from me so I couldn’t respond. She has a pretty lenghty back and forth with corvid. Why? I’ve made it clear by not engaging with corvid and only engaging with her - that im interested in having this conversation with another black american. I want answers about what we gain from denying our involvement in american imperialism.

I didn’t get any notification nor see any post by corvid using me as an antiracist shield. If so that is weird and wrong and stupid of them. But the ways in which visibility accused corvid of being antiblack boils down to this person who is not black but is in a place which has been ravaged by US imperialism should not say that they noticed a tendency that black americans tend to side with the empire a little too often. The core of what corvid said is true. Should they have been the ones to say that in this moment, maybe not. That is why I made a separate post that didn’t engage with anything going between visibility and corvid.

But:

This impulse of deflecting criticism of how black people participate in and benefit from the empire is a disease. I think its weird how nobody’s mentioned that visibility called me a nonblack leftist then called me a west african before calling me a coon. What’s up with that? What are you doing by immediately denying the blackness of someone who doesn’t agree with you? This is looks a lot like black nationalism to me. Where a very specific kind of blackness is idealized and anyone who doesn’t try to fit that is rendered not black. And, bc it is an unattainable kind of blackness anyone can be discarded as not black at anytime.

Visibility said that west africans were worse than white people. Can you imagine how absolutely fucking stupid that is? White europeans colonized west africa and in that process is how we ended up here. Nobody else sees an issue with this? People are intentionally being obtuse with what I said by claiming I blamed slavery on black people when I was very clearly talking about how integration failed us. which is why i used the keyword “integrate”. But it’s ok for her to say west africans are worse than white people? What does that do?

As for the timing idk. I think that’s something I can reflect on. But often when discussions like this pop up its never the right time to do so. And these discussions usually crop up when our community goes through tremendous pain and lash out at ppl who are trying to build bridges with us. And this is another impulse of black nationalism. Our pain is sacred and we must reject other peoples’ olive branch bc they can’t understand. We only have each other.

What about Syrians who, while fighting to save their wheat crops (their biggest food source) from being burned down by the US, took time to memorialize George Floyd and call for an end to their occupation and police murder? What about Palestinians who stand with us as they demand justice for Iyad Hallak, a man with autism who the IDF murdered? What about the French who are demanding justice for Adama Traoré and George Floyd, both of whom’s last words were “I can’t breathe?”

Are we to take these instances of solidarity with skepticism? Is it better to think of these as just PR stunts from these communities trying to distract from their antiblackness. Are we demanding they overcome their antiblackness before we even admit that we made the mistake of integrating into the empire? What is going on here?

tagging @liluchihahurt since he was mentioned

#Anonymous

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petersasteria · 5 years

Text

Stickwitu - Tom Holland

A/N: Originally a George Smith imagine but I've written lots of those already HAHAHAHA. Plus, I'm having feels for Tom again sksksks

Pairing: Tom x Singer!Reader

You know the drill; italics are flashbacks

* * * *

Being a famous singer whilst dating a famous actor is an easy target in the spotlight. You and Tom have been dating for a long time now and everyone adored your relationship. Fans are always updated, because of the cute content you guys are giving them.

This all stopped when yours and Tom's relationship started to go downhill. Tom got busier and he's never home. Eventually, this led to your break up. Your whole world collapsed. You both didn't want it to end, but you can't force things that aren't meant to be.

"Maybe when the time is right and maybe if it's really meant to be, we'll find each other and start over again." Tom said with a sad smile. You just nod in agreement, too scared to speak in case your voice cracks or breakdown. Tears were streaming down your face and they wouldn't stop.

"I promise that if we ever get back together in the future, we'll finally make our plans happen. We'll get married, travel, have kids, and grow old together. I promise you that, because I know that it's you and it'll always be you." He said with tears streaming down his own face. "It's you and me on the long run, babe." He added.

Fans were devastated and others said that they expected it from the beginning. Tom kept dodging every question about the break up in every interview. You kept silent. You didn't tweet anything or post anything on Instagram. Until one day, when BBC Radio 1 invited you to sing a cover.

(a/n: idk if the artist chooses the song they want to cover or if BBC chooses for them sksks)

You end up doing a cover of "Stickwitu" by The Pussycat Dolls. It was yours and Tom's theme song, because it described your relationship so well.

"I don't want to go another day," you start singing and it immediately brought back memories of you and Tom. "So I'm telling you exactly what is on my mind..."

"Oh my god. I love this song!" you squealed in delight as you turned up the volume.

"Really? Why?" Tom chuckled as he continued to drive back home. You guys were coming home from Harrison's flat, because it was movie night.

"Well, it's a really good song and it's super chill. Have a listen." you smiled and stayed quiet for Tom to listen. When the song was done, he looked at you for a second before looking back at the road. "The song must've been made for us." he said with a shy smile.

"What do you mean?" you asked.

"The lyrics describe our relationship. People who don't agree with you and me being together, don't matter. What matters is you and me and that song perfectly describes that. It's just you and me on the long run, babe." Tom smiled.

"I guess you're right. It's made for us." you beamed. You were never this happy in a relationship before you met Tom. He was different and that made you the happiest girl in the world. He's a good guy and he appreciates everything that you do for him.

The right guy for you finally came. It was Tom.

"...ain't nobody gettin' in between. I want you to know that you're the only one for me." you close your eyes in hope to stop the tears that are forming.

"Babe, don't be jealous. I swear and I'm telling the truth when I say that there's nothing to be jealous about." You assured Tom as you follow him around your shared flat. Harrison saw you in town with your older sister's boyfriend. Being the great and protective best friend that he is, he quickly texted Tom and even sent sneaky pictures of you two.

"Nothing to be jealous about?? Y/N, Harrison has proof!" Tom exclaimed exasperatedly. "How can you say that there's nothing to be jealous about??"

"There's nothing to be jealous about, because he asked me to help him find a ring." you told him.

"What?" Tom asked.

"You heard me. He asked me to help find a ring. Babe, he's going to propose to Y/S/N and he asked me for help, because I know her better than she knows herself and he thinks that I'd pick the perfect ring that Y/S/N might like." you almost laugh at the situation. It was the truth and it's funny how Harrison and Tom reacted. "So, there's nothing to be jealous about."

"Well, I feel like such an idiot." Tom groaned as he sat on the couch and hides his face in his hands. You sat next to him and laugh. You removed his hands from his face and cupped his cheeks, "Remember what you told me?"

"I told you a lot of things." Tom chuckled lightly.

"You're not wrong, but what's the most important thing that you've always been telling me?"

Tom looked at you puzzled at first but it was quickly replaced with a soft smile, "It's just you and me on the long run."

You nodded with a smile, "Yeah, and I'm staying true to that. You're the only one for me, babe."

"You're the only one for me too. I'm sorry for being stupid." Tom sighed.

"Hey, people make mistakes. It's okay." You smiled at him as he smiled back before leaning in for a kiss.

"Nobody ever made me feel this way, I'ma stick with you." you tear up as you end the song. It's a really emotional time for you right now and singing yours and Tom's theme song didn't help. You're just going to have to wait. After all if he comes back to you, it's meant to be.

* * * *

-not proofread-

Lmao reblog if you liked it

#tom holland #tom holland imagines #spiderman #spider-man far from home #spiderverse #mcu #peter parker #peter parker imagines #tom holland au #tom holland x reader #peter parker x reader #tom holland angst #in-a-lot-of-fandoms-tbh #tom holland one shots #tom holland x y/n

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velvyy · 5 years

Note

Hey, Rad... Alex... Alexlememe? I know that's the name you used to go by and I know you've kinda disconnected yourself from Viv's fanbase after ZP ended, and I remember your memes and such but I kinda just wanted to get your take on the Hazbin drama since you reblogged the headcanon blog's post on the subject. More or less regarding the issue of her being uncharitable to fans and non-fans alike, plus that one callout post on twitter?

So this is weird. I wasn’t expecting to get asks on the subject since like you said, I’ve generally been disconnected from the fanbase aside from the few reblogs here and there retaining to Hazbin and its more recent developments. But yeah I guess I could give my take on this since I mean.. old fans still follow me. Idk why, but they do!So, really. In regards to that callout post (which is now deleted) I really, really don’t care that much. For one thing, Initially I did because I really hated to see someone be slandered so viciously with inaccurate and uncharitable attacks, but I kinda just stopped because even when I linked the addresses from both Viv, and the Ken dude regarding all the drama mentioned, it was either ignored and resulting in me being called a “pedo sympathizer” or “It wasn’t even an apologyyyyy weh” and like, whatever. I stopped giving a shit.

Terms of the traced animation thing... Lol, ok. I mean homages do exist, and her animation thingy was based on a meme so whatevs.

Anyways,I knew from the very start that the whole “tracing” and “stealing designs” stuff was nonsense since there was an entire like, tumblr drama arc on the issue, and albeit Viv’s post is gone, there’s evidence of legal contracts regarding Jiji and that whole nonsense that was years ago. In regards to her drawing pictures of Blaire White and Shoe… Eh. I mean, yeah, fuck em, but she’s made it clear that she doesn’t support those views anymore, and she wasn’t even really aware of the other things they’d done at that point, and I see no real reason not to believe her because what does lying about that gain her? Yeah her comment on the “blackface” thing if you wanna call it that was dumb as shit, but considering 2016 was a rough year for her in terms of trying to find where she fell in the political sphere, I can relate because I was in the same boat. A lot of sjw cringe comps, shaming feminists, and purposely misgendering transpeople… Not a good time for me either! Course I’ve changed. I went from being a reactionary alt-centrist to an anarchist so. Whether that’s an improvement is up to you.

As for the whole pedo/zoo shit, I really don’t see it. I mean like, look, obviously porn art portraying people fucking feral animals is disgusting right. Not saying it isn’t problematic or anything, but to be fair, she did draw this shit like 8 years ago. I’ve seen worse from even more well-established artists and I don’t see people trying to cancel them? Also, the art was suggestive for one thing and not necessarily 100% porn. I mean it’s still creepy and gross, and I’d understand scolding them if they continued to do so but a lot worse, but I haven’t seen anything like that from Viv past those 2 drawings. As for the pedo shit… The relationship between a 17 year old and a 19 year old is… hardly creepy and reminiscent of pedo shit. So yeah no fuck that. Now with the drawing of Mirage and Kestrel and the tag that said something jokingly like “Mirage and her pedo tendencies” or whatever… Yeah idk, I can’t defend that lmfao. Again, Viv said she disapproves of those drawings and doesn’t care to think about them, but that one piece of artwork definitely had some baggage to it that made me feel uncomfortable after reading the tags.Only issue I took in terms of her addressing that, is that she was very adamant about it being an inside joke… Which if that’s true, you must’ve had some fucked up friends like damn.

I would also like to state that cub art is legitimately disgusting and I am of the belief that it can cause harm depending on the context since I assume the consumption of cub art can reinforce the urge for pedophiles to act on their desires instead of finding healthy coping mechanisms for it through therapy. There have been stories from younger users on the internet that older people have tried to groom them and have the notion of pedos preying on them be normalized by sending them art depicting kids in sexual acts with adults. Of course in isolation cub art isn’t as harmful as the actual act of raping a child, and I would argue that people have their priorities kind of messed up since the illustration being acknowledged should be part of combating pedophiles preying on children. However, people, typically twitter wokescolds tend to focus on the art solely and I don’t know why. There’s a lot of MAPS trying to find their way into LGBT spaces and it’s fucking gross.

Now with Hazbin itself… It’s meh. Initially I watched it with rose-tinted glasses and loved it. After watching it for like… the 3rd, 4th, 5th time? It’s alright. I don’t hate it, but it’s far from perfect. Now ofc I know it’s a pilot but a very lengthy pilot I’ll say. My biggest gripe with the pilot is that the editing is really fucking weird. Like the editing where Angel tells Alastor “I can suck yah dick!” and the scene that followed was really off. It seemed like too many cuts were made in that instance and seemed very cluttered. It also feels that way during Charlie singing “Inside Every Demon is a Rainbow” and how many little animated bits were like almost wiped off the screen by how fast it came by, and ntm there was just so much happening all at once on screen as well. I had to pause at points just to process everything that was happening. The palette is also very, very, verrrry red. There’s so much red going on and like… I get it, it’s in hell. But lemme rest my eyes on something else besides red, please. The palette they use needs to be better diversified, and the same goes for the characters too. Every character seems to have red on them. Whenever Baxter shows up later he’s gonna look really out of place. Some of the jokes were ok, and others seemed non-clever. I didn’t think Angel’s joke about sucking Al’s dick was funny. I did like the joke with Pentious and Angel though. “SON??” Some of it could’ve been written better too.

Regarding the drama with the show itself… Personally I don’t get it. Like, I don’t feel as if Angel is homophobic as a character since his queerness isn’t at the face of the jokes he makes? He just happens to be sex worker which… sex workers are fine? Support sex workers y’all, seriously. There’s also nothing intrinsically wrong with being sexually active either? As long as it’s within reason and you’re being trustworthy.The issue lies in the fact that people viewed the things I just mentioned as negative, and associate it with gay people as said negatively portrayed thing to push the sentiment of “Gay man do sex a lot therefore the gays bad” or that sort of thing. Also there’s a bit where it shows there’s more emotional depth to him and I’m hoping they’ll expand on that later. Honestly though, the criticisms in regards to that have been pretty uncharitable. Same with the criticisms for Vaggie. Apparently Vaggie is racist because… she’s loud and angry? Again, this is a case where people assume those traits are negative, and because it’s assumed to be negative, the negatively portrayed thing pushes the sentiment of “Being a loud fiery woman made, and latina women are that, therefore latina women bad” or some shit. There are stereotypes that are bad no matter what the context is like sambo-esque caricatures of black people. Then there are tropes that are applied to certain demographics that have the capability to be written well into characters without it being offensive or disrespectful. Vaggie is literally angry because she’s protective of her gf. Like. C’mon.

So, I think that settles what I think about that? It honestly seems like superficial shit to me tbh, and I’m saying this as an sjw-y beta cuck anarchist.

The only REAL gripe I have, is with what the mod from @zpheadcanons posted. Because I know this is probably true as much as it hurts me to say it. Faust def has a history of being pretty petty and bully-like to people she deems undesirable, and Viv harbors it by not criticizing it, and if anyone else within their friend group does it then you’re scolded vehemently and treated like garbage. Her attitude also stretches to harboring an audience full of white knights that I personally don’t approve of.

There’s also this

Faust has hurt distant people I personally know and… yeah. Maybe I’m biased but I can’t vibe with that. Sorry. If you don’t make an effort to criticize abusive behavior within your own friend circles then that makes you just as bad, because then you’re just a bystander to things you could have prevented.

This isn’t to say Viv herself hasn’t dealt with bad faith actors, or people who had the intention to hurt her, or very uncharitable criticism. Particularly from the badwebcomics forums which is honestly 4chan like in how they operate. It’s vicious as hell, and a lot of their criticisms boil down to insults and personal attacks, which serve to be nonconstructive. That’s not to say Viv has been kind to even the more charitable criticism though. I know because when I happened to send an ask to the zoophobia criticism blog (where did it go???) regarding something relatively minor and superficial, she blocked me from her blog. I’m still blocked lmfao. I’m not blocked on twitter though! (not yet anyways). Faust has me blocked there though, and I have no idea why. She’s had me blocked for years even though I haven’t spoken out against her till recently. So, there’s that.

As for her apology itself, I feel like it was fine. I think it could’ve been worded better? The take I disagree with in terms of that is like… If I made a mistake in the past, and I make it clear that I don’t care for what I did, I don’t feel as if me explaining why I felt compelled to do certain things negate me from still not caring for my past actions? That’s just me providing context. That’s a really weird take, but I guess that could be viewed as an excuse idk. Personally I think people are holding the bar super high to a state of irrationality.

*sigh* So yeah there’s that. I miss the old days where honestly I could be ignorant about this, but at the same time I look at my old obsessive posts and I kinda just… cringe. I was such an irrational stan I almost hate myself for it. Fuck XD

Edit: I’d also like to point out that I’m not saying Viv or Faust are totally awful or totally good people, and I know they’re capable of being better. It’s a matter of whether or not they wanna be better.

#vivziepop #hazbin hotel

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flirting-with-psychology · 4 years

Text

REFLECTIONS Answer the following questions:

What is the single best thing that happened in the past year?

2015: The beginning of the fall semester when I grew a lot more confidence

2016: Studied abroad

2017: Graduated

2018: Moved into the B Flat

2019: Got a boyfriend

2. What is the most challenging thing that happened to you in 2015/16/17/18/19?

2015: Getting over Marble maybe

2016: Getting over Hawaii

2017: Making my 4500 film

2018: The music videos I did

2019: Deciding whether to date my now boyfriend

3. What thing did you learn the most from this year?

2015: Hawaii and Marble

2016: My film class

2017: Also my film class

2018: My film jobs and internships

2019: Starting a relationship

4. What is the kindest thing you did this year?

2015: I don’t think I’m the one to ask, you’d have to ask people who perceived kindness

2016: Same

2017: Same

2018: Same

2019: Same

5. Did you lose any close family member this year?

2015: Nope

2016: No

2017: No

2018: My great aunt died

2019: No close ones, but my grandma’s dementia is getting so bad she doesn’t remember who I am

6. Pick three words to describe 2015/16/17/18/19.

2015: A learning experience

2016: Single, senior, band

2017: Senior to graduate

2018: Almost an adult

2019: Another year older

7. What did you do in 2015/16/17/18/19 that you never did before?

2015: Got further than I ever had in my love life

2016: Studied abroad

2017: Moved into a house with roommates

2018: Moved in with male roommates, did an internship

2019: Got a boyfriend

8. Did you keep last year’s resolutions? What were they?

2015: Here we go. Put one happy moment from each day into a jar: YES. Go to the gym regularly: Doing better but still could use improvement. Get a summer job: Yes. Make an effort to eat breakfast: Haha nope. Make an effort to look pretty: About the same as last year. Talk to people more and appear more confident: Yes. Find things to be excited about: Not as much as I want. Find a boyfriend: NOPE. Write more: Not really. Read more: Maybe a little. Have adventures: Some, but not as much as I would like. Initiate things: Yes. Use “I” more: Yes. Be less mean to myself: Yes. Overthink less: No, still working on that. Be proud of myself for trying my best but accept not being perfect: I guess. Take responsibility: More. Be positive and enthusiastic: Still working on it. Carpe diem: Not enough.

2016: I can’t remember lol

2017: I can’t remember what I wrote. Here’s what I’ll do: write my 2018 resolutions so that when I reblog this next year I will know:

2018: Be more adventurous: Maybe? Overthink and strategize less: HA not really. Get a film job: Yes. Eat more vegetables: Maybe a little but still not enough. Go to the gym, like, ever: Yes. Read more: Kinda. Finish my Harry Potter spellbook: Not yet.

2019: Get a boyfriend: Finally did! Be more spontaneous and adventurous: Kinda? Sometimes? Lose weight and eat better: Nope. Read more books: Nope. Finish my Harry Potter spellbook: Not yet. Learn how to work hard: Not really. Spend more time with my friends: Kinda. Love myself, and be someone I love: Not really. Carpe diem: Sometimes. Keep doing the moment calendar and journal: Yes. Earn more money than I spend: Nope. Travel: Yes. Discover new music: Yes. Try new creative things: Yes. Believe in myself: Not really. Learn to be a leader: Nope. Watch more movies: Some. Think about other people: Tried to. Learn how to make mistakes: Kinda.

2020 resolutions: Get a new job. Lose weight and fit into my dresses again. Read more books. Spend more time with friends. Go on dates. Keep doing the moment calendar and journal. Try new creative things. Take risks even if they cost money. Make more money than I spend. Make jewelry. Get back to people in a timely manner. Be more punctual. Finish my harry potter spellbook and keep up with my character book. Learn new things. Be the kind of person I wish I could be. Be more open to ideas. Post more pictures online. Don’t be such a control freak. Worry less about what people think. Laugh more.

9. Did you travel to any interesting places in 2015/16/17/18/19?

2015: Went to Las Vegas for my birthday and California with the band and Kentucky to see Paul McCartney.

2016: Went to Italy, went on band trips to California and Texas

2017: Went to London with my mom, went to New Orleans for my cousin’s wedding and hooked up with my 6th grade crush, went to Wyoming for the solar eclipse

2018: Went to Las Vegas for a film shoot

2019: Went to Israel

10. What would you like to have in 2016/17/18/19/20 that you lacked in 2015/16/17/18/19?

2015: A BOYFRIEND HAHAHA

2016: Still a boyfriend lmao fml

2017: Still a boyfriend but one that I feel satisfied with. I’m not sure if I’m there with Guacamole. Also he’s not even my boyfriend yet

2018: Still a boyfriend lmao

2019: An interesting job (finally got the boyfriend!)

11. Do you even believe in new year’s resolutions? Why or why not?

2015: I think they are a good idea, for reflection as much as goals.

2016: Maybe. Idk

2017: Yeah it’s a good idea

2018: It’s always good to try to better yourself and it gives you motivation to do it

2019: It’s a good idea for goals

12. Do you believe that 2015/16/17/18/19 had an reoccurring theme for you? If so, which theme and why?

2015: No more than any other year really

2016: More like my entire life has a recurring theme of being single af

2017: Not really

2018: Boys I like having girlfriends

2019: Macy’s

13. Do you feel like 2015/16/17/18/19 went by too fast?

2015: No

2016: It went a little fast, especially now that I’m about to graduate

2017: Not really

2018: Not really, but maybe my youth went too fast

2019: It went by too fast for how much I accomplished

14. Did you fall in love with any new artists during the year 2015/16/17/18/19? List them.

2015: I fell back in love with Taylor Swift

2016: Collabro

2017: Anastasia the Musical cast, and Hamilton is growing on me

2018: A bunch of musicals

2019: My musicals playlist on spotify has Rent, Dear Evan Hansen, Legally Blonde, Galavant, Hamilton, A Star Is Born, Frozen 2

15. Brag about two of your accomplishments in 2015/16/17/18/19.

2015: I made a couple cool music videos, and I lost some weight after increasing my gym attendance.

2016: I made a short film, Pancakes, with a full crew. I got straight A’s in the spring.

2017: I graduated and I made another short film

2018: I worked on two film shoots and I got promoted at work

2019: I stayed in touch with friends I made on a film shoot, and I got a boyfriend

16. What was your favorite movie that came out this year?

2015: The Martian

2016: Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them

2017: Coco

2018: A Star Is Born

2019: Rocketman

17. Fill in the blank: In 2016/17/18/19/20 I will ____________.

2015: Get the confidence back that I had in the fall

2016: Graduate college

2017: Start looking for film jobs

2018: Find myself

2019: Find a new job

18. If you could fly anywhere in the world in 2016/17/18/19/20, where would you go?

2015: Italy, and I plan to!

2016: London, and I plan to

2017: Scotland or Ireland, and I don’t have any plans to

2018: Maybe that Israel birthright thing

2019: Maybe Ireland or Amsterdam

19. What was your biggest regret of 2015/16/17/18/19?

2015: Worrying about the future when I had something good rather than just enjoying it

2016: Not trying enough in making friends and making the most out of it

2017: Maybe not getting quite enough out of college

2018: Forgetting or never quite learning how to work hard. That and not asking a cute guy out in time

2019: Not buying that moonstone necklace

20. Do you think you’ll be having a better 2016/17/18/19/20 than 2015/16/17/18/19?

2015: I hope so

2016: I hope so

2017: I hope so

2018: I hope so and I think so

2019: I sure hope so

21. Did you make any new friends this year? Lose any friends?

2015: I got closer with some friends :)

2016: I made some new band and film friends. One of my friends from freshman year died.

2017: I almost lost a friend but now we seem to be friends again. I also made some new ones

2018: I made some new ones, and kinda stopped being friends with some of my old roommates

2019: I think I got closer to some friends

22. What was the biggest adventure of the last year?

2015: Hawaii, I think

2016: Studying abroad

2017: Moving out and starting to adult

2018: The film shoots

2019: Dating my boyfriend

23. Did you get cake on your birthday? Presents? What you wanted?

2015: Yeah I went to Vegas which was cool! Got cake and alcohol and presents

2016: I did not get cake but I got IHOP. I got presents, and the football team won the game that day sending us to the PAC 12 Championship

2017: I got pancakes, presents, and maybe I’m starting to get what I wanted?

2018: I got chocolate mousse and presents and I didn’t even know what I wanted

2019: I got cake and presents including one thing I wanted

24. How much did you change this year? What’s different about you?

2016: Not too much has changed but I think I’m prettier, more confident, braver, and value bravery more.

2016: I’m lazier, gained back the weight that I lost last year, and lost some of the confidence from last year. Wow…

2017: I’m not a student anymore

2018: I maybe lost some of my hope in my love life and felt more set in my ways

2019: I don’t have as much FOMO but I’m also getting more frustrated with my life

CONFESSIONS

Bold the statements that are true (2015) and cross out (2016) and italicize (2017) and I’m running out of formats so CAPS (2018) and *star (2019)

In the year 2015/2016/2017/2018/2019 I confess that I….

KISSED SOMEONE I HAVE NEVER KISSED BEFORE. *DID SOMETHING I REGRET. *Painted a picture. *Dyed my hair. Got a new haircut I thought I’d never get before. Wrote a poem. Graduated from High School. Graduated from College. Applied for Graduate School. RAN A MILE. Ate much healthier. Ended toxic friendships. *GAINED A NEW FRIEND. Gained a new best friend. *Visited a foreign country. *LIED. *HAD A FIGHT WITH MY PARENTS. *HAD A SECRET/KEPT A SECRET. Realized my homosexuality. REALIZED MY BISEXUALITY. (OR AT LEAST QUESTIONED IT) Realized my pansexuality. Realized my asexuality. *Broke a promise. *Slept under the stars. *STAYED UP TILL SUNRISE. *PUSHED SOMEONE AWAY. *Got in a fight. SLEPT WITH SOMEONE OTHER THAN MY SIGNIFICANT OTHER. *ATTENDED A PARTY. Got dumped. Got a new piercing/tattoo. Learned that I wasn’t cis gender. Drank underage/used illegal substances. *ATTENDED A CONCERT. *ATTENDED A MUSICAL. *TRAVELED TO ANOTHER CITY. *Broke someone’s heart. *Hiding something from someone. *MADE SOMEONE’S DAY. Cheated on a test/homework. Physically cheated on my significant other. *Emotionally cheated on my significant other. Quit a job. GOT A NEW JOB. Learned to hate someone I thought I never would. Learned to be more patient. Saw the supermoon. SAW THE METEOR SHOWER.

#survey #new years

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janiedean · 5 years

Note

What happened? :(

number one: Author That Also Left That I Am Sure We All Know got fics plagiarized by some asshole whose friends then went on anon informing this person that ‘that plagiarizing was just improving on the original’ because that person hadn’t written for that ship in a few months for their exceedingly good reasons and that is the one I think we all should remember since it was recent and it really was a low blow, and tbqh I don’t really feel the urgency of getting involved again when apparently if regular contributors go missing for a month people feel entitled to copy their writing and actually not even feel bad about it

number two: this is a lot pettier but whatever. let’s just say that when last year someone made a post about how this fandom and another one for a f/f ship whose shippers like to pretend they’re wank-free but that I remember shitting all over at least a couple of **rival** het ships since S3 were the only wank-free places in this fandom because they were not straight ships and concluded with ‘this shows that the straights are god’s mistake’ two people pointed out that a good 10% of that tag’s content is mine and I happen to be one of the so-called god’s mistakes. maybe three others reblogged that version of the post, it had three hundred plus notes and out of the three people who reblogged the version with the rebuttal one (most of the reblogs are directly from op with THIS IS SO TRUE :))) ) isn’t even in fandom, OP absolutely ignored those replies and never said anything about that and kept on enjoying their 300+ notes full of THE HETS GETTING BUTTHURT and such on, and excuse me but reading that and seeing that the only people who had anything to say about it were four mutuals in fandom and another outside fandom kind of really hurt and yes it was a while ago but I’d have figured that after seven years of writing fanfic for that ship regularly with half of the fandom knowing who I am on here and/or following me at least idk someone could have sent a message about it or smth but nah. and like, sorry but it hurt and I hate feeling like I’m writing entire novels for a ship that I also desperately tried to keep wank-free for years or as much as I could and then when someone shows up and decides that it’s a good ship/tag/wank free because of its lack of straight people involved to that point no one has anything to say except finding it funny. so. one day I’ll get over it or my love for the ship will make me get over it but I’m still lowkey pissed off. sorry. :/

#sorry anon I wish it didn't go in between my love for the ship but both things were not okay #the first was worse than the first bc it just showed entitlement up the wazoo #but the second hurt personally #and sorry but i'd like to feel like i'm not writing novels that will be read by people who then agree with my fucking sexuality being GOD'S #thank you #Anonymous #ask post

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ilverhoney · 5 years

Note

1 - 13

What would prevent you from following someone?

I usually like to see some actual roleplay replies ( unless the blog has been offline for a little while or hiatus ) and I like to see neat posts. Not edited but I don’t like posts that get reblogged endlessly without cutting then down in size. I also am not a fan of asks that then get reblogged instead of starting them in a new post. Small things like that would possibly prevent me from following. I don’t care if you have wonderful graphics or look all fancy cool with editing — as long as you write and enjoy it. I just get slight ocd with the dash being clogged so yeah, that is mostly all that would prevent me. I do also have a slight fear of rejection so if I’m admiring a blog too much I might be hesitant about following in case they don’t follow back and I feel all insecure about it. Not something that happens too much.

Are aesthetics important to you? If they are, why?

I’ll be honest (duh Ali, that’s the point of this meme!) but I have never really grasped the concept of aesthetics. I understand them but I never really post them or reblog the memes where I have think up some for a muse. That being said, I do love seeing people post them an occasionally I do reblog ones that are already set up for my muse. Are they important? Not really.

What current rp trend do you hate?

I don’t really know many trends in the rp community. I’m not down with the kids enough to know any …. hmm I guess I’m not a fan of icons getting so small you can’t see who is in them. Also when the psd is very pretty but again, doesn’t make it very clear what the icon is. I don’t know if that is even a trend.

How do you explain rp to someone in the real world?

I don’t. There are very few people in my real life who know that I do any writing online. I usually just say I write fan fiction. I did tell one new colleague about it and that led to her wanting to see my blog so she could read things … which she was very supportive of. She actually loved the threads I have. But yeah, my roleplaying life is mostly a secret thing that I find easier not to explain.

Do you prefer interacting with male muses or female more? Why?

I honestly don’t have a preference. I love writing with all muses, no matter the gender. As long as we have a connection to work on, I’m happy to explore it. Not only do I ship my muses (pretty much all the time) with both genders, I also don’t just concentrate on shippy things so writing with either gender is important. It helps build well rounded relationships that only strengthen your own character development.

Do you prefer writing male muses or female more? Why?

I pretty much only ever write female muses. I’d love to dabble with a male muse but I am very anxious of it. I was roleplaying many years ago and I did write a few males back then but got severely bullied over it. I was basically told that I could never really write a male when I’m a female, I was called sick and messed up … but this was a very long time ago, back in the days of myspace! Sometimes I want to grab a male muse just to see if it is any easier to find partners …. I know there can be a pull for many to write with males muses more than females. It’s sad but true and sometimes I think I should pick a male muse to test that out but … I never do it. Maybe I will one day.

What’s your opinion on call out posts?

I think they can be more harmful than good. I do understand when someone is literally being toxic or cruel, that there needs to be moments of warning but almost all call outs that I have seen are just petty issues that could be dealt with in private. I think we need to stop this trend — ahhh a trend? but yeah, I think call outs are not great and should really be put to rest. Just like I think witch hunts when a call out happens need to be stopped. At the end of the day, we are all pretty much here to write muses we love. Why does that need to lead to any call outs or bullying?

Name any three things about the rpc that bother you.

The elitists — now, I know a lot of people come across that way but they aren’t really elitist. I am talking about the few who KNOW they are the only person who should write a muse and project their own headcanons as being CANON even if that can lead others (who write the muse) to feel a little uneasy / anxious. I love headcanons and I love everyones take on a muse but nobody here has any more claim to a muse than anyone else. Anon hate culture — oh how I hate this! I’m old and I always tell myself that anons matter very little but sometimes it is too easy to let them get to you. We are all human at the end of the day so it isn’t always easy to switch off to them. I will never understand why people do it. Lastly, the fickle — idk if that’s the right way to word that. I basically don’t like the blogs that come along and are all over you for a quick minute before they move on the moment they have enough of a following. It makes me feel like a stepping stone and it has happened so much to me … which does make me question if it is me but then I don’t know what I have done to make it happen.

What is your opinion on exclusivity? Do you practice it? Why / why not?

I don’t have much of an opinion of this. I think in the right situation it is nice to have an exclusive partner you can write things with. I do know it doesn’t always work out when it is a big fandom but I understand why people do it. I have never really had the chance to try it so that is the only reason I don’t.

Have you ever had a bad experience with commissions? As either someone who makes them or as someone who buys them?

Yes, I paid someone up front for a commission as they were struggling with things financially and then they never actually completed my commissions. I didn’t do anything or call out …as I don’t like that, I just passed it off as being a mistake I’d learn from.

What do you know now about rp that you wish you knew when you first started?

That is better to find like minded writers rather than trying to get in with the more popular blogs (the ones that seem to have all the love and threads) I have made some wonderful friends here with some of the most exceptional writers ( this Leta being one of them), I just know that some blogs are here to be popular and they hoard partners ....and being a number is not great. Write how you want, with anyone you want to and enjoy being here. Popularity is not important.

Have you been involved in drama? Do you regret it?

I have had drama in the past, sure. When you have been roleplaying as long as I have, you are expected to run into drama. I do regret being a part of any drama but it was unavoidable. I do try to stay clear of it as much as I can now … though I will always check in with someone who is suffering. I hate to see someone going through something alone.

Have you ever thought about leaving rp? What caused it? What changed your mind?

That’s a funny one considering I started to delete my blogs just yesterday. It was some of that lovely anon hate … which I know is very silly to get upset over, especially to delete over. I was in a bad place for IRL reasons and the anons didn’t help matters. Talking to people who actually care was the only reason why my Queenie is still here today. I realized that letting an anon bully me away from a thing I love is just unhealthy — especially when you can switch the anon off and be very happy here. On that note, I’d like to thank all who talked to me yesterday. It was so heart warming to have people show me compassion and understanding.

HONEST MEME ¬ Accepting ¬ @letaunloved

#letaunloved #✘|| memes answered ¬ oh I do love to play games!#✘|| out of magic ¬ the mun behind the hun

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deerth · 2 years

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I posted 2,723 times in 2021

21 posts created (1%)

2702 posts reblogged (99%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 128.7 posts.

I added 1,411 tags in 2021

#zoology - 326 posts

#shitpost - 201 posts

#my aesthetic - 160 posts

#art - 121 posts

#deer - 118 posts

#shiny - 113 posts

#people - 102 posts

#tiktok - 102 posts

#fashion - 85 posts

#water - 83 posts

Longest Tag: 140 characters

#i promised i wouldnt clown this year by having crushes but if a blonde wavy haired bisexual dude shows up im not responsible for my feelings

My Top Posts in 2021

@wackywizardz submitted a form to gain more mutuals and honestly? im not even fully doing it for the follow bc my blog is just a plain ass mess but i just wanna say chris ive loved following u, ur reblogs, ur sense of humour is immaculate and hi!

4 notes • Posted 2021-08-04 21:12:03 GMT

unnamed circle

hi i made a server / online coven for wiccans: https://discord.gg/H9kn8MGP

come to this server to idk share about ur experiences as a wiccan! i mostly just wanna meet like-minded ppl. I wrote some free-to-use correspondences on the server so u can use that, anything from tarot guides to gemstones! ok see you!

5 notes • Posted 2021-08-04 21:23:49 GMT

my first mistake in witchcraft

yes i’m going to be petty over religion for a second here.

i have been slowly inching out of the broom closet as i now consciously move on from the atheist mindset to the pagan one. i was looking for more resources to research my path, and i ended up on a witchy server... woe unto me as i try to fit in once more, for it seems that not even witches are unified.

forget about all that shit about garden, cosmos and whatever witches. the religion actually broadly branches into two practices - Wicca and regular witchcraft. so you are primarily the one or the other, no matter what flavour of ritual you practice.

the primary difference between Wiccans and general witchcraft is your belief of whether religion can be used for harm or not. in short, Wiccans state “an it harm none, do as ye will” (as long as you don’t hurt anyone [including yourself], go bonkers), therefore you will not find Wiccans casting curses or hexes. we know the responsibility of our faith and we know that if you radiate bad vibes, it will come right back around to bite you in the ass later. that said, most Wiccans don’t mind witches who do curse or hex. some cultures use practices like voodoo, and even old eastern European practices were not free of rituals that were made to directly interfere with someone’s will (love spells that were supposed to make someone love you). therefore, a disclaimer: I’m not anti-hex. I would not use a hex because I feel that hate will not solve hate, and as long as you’re an adult, I trust you know what you’re doing with your power. maybe you are of an oppressed culture and have good reason to exact revenge on someone who severely hurt you, especially if you have a long-standing tradition of hexes. even Nina Simone sang “I Put a Spell on You” (albeit this is also a love spell). I know curses and hexes and even spells affecting with another’s free will are an inherent part of witchcraft and I won’t deny it. I follow my doctrine, you follow yours, that is fine by me.

what is NOT fine with me, however, is propagating hex culture among minors. why? because minors are not ready to take on that responsibility!!!! just like they are not truly ready to make healthy decisions about sex, alcohol or other substances, they cannot take true responsibility over causing harm, be it spiritual or otherwise. “what’s a little hex do?” you might ask, if you’re a minor. not to sound like a boomer, but when I was 16, I was edgy as fuck. I hated everyone while claiming to love everyone. I was in NO correct mental state to make decisions about the aforementioned things. even without casting any hexes, I made many mistakes. big ones. I hurt a lot of people. yes, I regret it all deeply. I wish I had thought things over rather than stay stubborn. in fact, most people under 20 are not ready to enter discourse, drama or a vicious cycle of hatred purely because it will always turn into “all bite but no bark”. I purposefully say it that way because although youngsters are admirably spirited and ready to take on the world... they often bite off more than they can chew. I see girlies straight out of high school trying to solve huge problems like racism, and although, again, admiring these young people, they have researched their stuff. to an extent, they know what they’re talking about... but I do believe hate will not solve hate.

one of the moderators of said server retaliated with it not being a universal truth, and claimed my take to be “unverified personal gnosis” (what is a verified gnosis, anyway? how do you measure it? especially in a practice like witchcraft where every bloody individual practises it differently and there are no priests or churches?). if the moderator happens to read this and wishes to elaborate, i’d be welcome for a bit of constructive discussion over what is and isn’t personal gnosis. I acknowledge that “hate cannot be fought with hate” is not a universal truth... that is perhaps where I went to the extreme. but believe me, I did not say it to be holier-than-thou. I was actually shocked to be called out by not one, but two moderators on my behaviour, instantly. I did not read in the rules that one would be forbidden to state their opinion or softly disagree, but perhaps it is so and I did not pay enough attention.

there comes another food for thought: is it possible to socialise without being opinionated in any way? would shutting down opinions truly prevent conflict? because I’m feeling very bitter and left out now. I know everyone on that server is not Wiccan. but to get slapped in the face right after I attempted to be friendly (laconic and feeble as that was), among who I considered to be my own people... I feel conflicted. now mind, I’m not going to leave witchcraft behind. it is my religion, and thanks to this experience, I learned that Wicca is the right thing for me. I don’t want to advocate for violence and a vicious cycle of hatred. my grandfather was Romani, therefore I believe I know a thing or two about mislabeling and hate enacted upon minorities and outcast people. does that mean I want to kill and hex every white in sight? the answer is no. if anything, me being both Wiccan and Romani, it would just add fuel to the fire. especially because Romani are stereotyped as evil witches in the first place, so it would be a double suicide. by propagating violence, I would give these people more reason to hate pagans and Romani people. both cultures are already feared and hated upon as it is. I am not going to give people more opportunity to hate me.

coming back to the minor I disagreed with in the server. I was shocked that the first thing that came to a teenager’s mind was a revenge hex. it screams of naiveté and irresponsible behaviour towards your faith. and not JUST your faith. as I am a student of psychology, I am well aware how mind patterns work, and here’s the funny thing: psychology has proven that witchcraft’s law of returns is somewhat true, not on a magickal level, but on a mental one. if you ponder over violence and revenge excessively, you are reinforcing those neural pathways in your brain. there is a reason why they say “hate breeds hate”. it is the same reason why depression is so hard to deal with. anything you obsessively ruminate over reinforces it again and again until escape seems impossible. I’m not only speaking as a witch, I’m speaking as a human being. is it correct to propagate petty violence among minors when we as adults can do better and guide young people to better paths?

I’m not saying young people shouldn’t use hexes. but I am questioning their ability to take on the responsibility of potentially hurting someone, or even just thinking of hurting someone. you plant a seed of hate and it may just grow. you knock on the devil’s door enough times and he will answer (disclaimer: I’m not Christian either, I just like the saying). soon there shall be nothing left but hate. if the person in question had not been a minor, I would have left it at that. but religion is sacred. a witch’s magick is essentially making something important to you sacred. it’s not a plaything. it’s not to be used light-handedly. it’s not a trend. and hexes should be the last resort if all else fails OR the person you hate has a damn good reason for being hated.

is it wrong to vote for love and peace? yeah, I sound like a hippie, but I think they’re right. love was not born from continuing to fight each other - love was born from unity, from coexisting. how does one fight racism? psychology says see more poc, interact with them, understand their struggles. how to fight religious fear? spend time with people of different views. how to get over homophobia? spend time with the gays and try to understand their views, and like, actually understand them. spending time with someone just to berate them is still bigotry. the interaction I mean here is coexisting with minorities in a shared space and them slowly, but surely becoming more accepted and normalised because we finally see them. even a bigot can’t stay a bigot if they are brought out of isolation. if they’re forced to see people different than them.

unfortunately, not even your own faith can comfort you sometimes, mostly because the community is still divided. there are rules on what should and shouldn’t be done, and woe upon thee if you dare to even peep one of your thoughts. I merely said thank you and sorry and left, as I always do when I feel misunderstood. it was a valuable yet harsh lesson, and I regret hoping for acceptance or even offering me a moment to be understood without being shut down without a second thought. I regret hoping for a little discussion where it is seen as a violation of rules.

again, as long as you are ready to bear the responsibility of harming another, do whatever you want. as a Wicca, I prefer staying benevolent and kind, even to those who traumatised me. you might argue that this essay in itself is not benevolent... after all, Wiccans don’t slander people behind their backs, you might say. but it is not my intent to slander. it is just me expressing sheer confusion over what I expected to be a community to hear out all voices, because why have a community at all if you allow for no discussion? do we shut off discussions entirely in fear of fights? but alas, it is human nature to be opposed, but it’s also human nature to still hold hands despite the differences - one just needs to acknowledge it.

blessed be.

7 notes • Posted 2021-07-20 21:02:25 GMT

recently i stumbled upon the “pico but he’s very offensive” fnf mod vid (it was funny btw) and the comment section is full of guys like on the left

i swear to fuck this is like the “mars vs venus” discourse all over again. on one side we have got edgy mostly male chucklefucks who think Newgrounds belongs to them (surprise surprise: I was on NG back in the day and most assuredly, I was not consuming whatever the hell these guys are on about) and on the other side we have queers from all over twitter, tiktok and tumblr just ykno, having fun with a funny cool game. yes some of that content can be called cringe (still entertaining af tho) but being offended over a fictional mascot character possibly being gay? clown on clown violence

and yes i played thru the original pico’s school. was it inappropriate? yes. was it funny? also yes. this game was made in a time where awareness of racial stereotypes was very low at best, but somehow, it also doesn’t exactly make light of the school shooting event, to me it’s rather a commentary on how a kid manages to retaliate against his school shooters, which is a very unlikely scenario irl? sure, it has oodles of dark toilet humour, but I never saw someone say a slur or be outright sexist? so what crack are these leftmost nerds on? even in the april fool’s update fulp had fun playing around with the idea of his little fictional son being gay for the bf in fnf, but bc it was released on april fool’s, these poor fragile dudes feel the need to not even acknowledge its existence

additionally, I seriously don’t understand why there always needs to be opposing sides in a fandom. a character can both be a gun-toting fearless badass AND at the same time be gay and wear a maid dress with cat ears on the top. WHY NOT BOTH?? this dude’s crazy enough to do both things. why do cishet men always feel so threatened by potentially getting their masculine power fantasy ruined hjgsdjghsdhjrhjsdrhjsr, you truly are the weakest link of society. but the other extreme is calling pico’s school “problematic” like my dear, neither tunglr nor twitter existed at that time and ppl did whatever the fuck they knew in their relatively limited worldview before the internet became more expansive and woke, it was 15 years ago, most of y’all (including me) were kids back then hsdghshjsjhjhrshj, a lot can change in over a decade

it really shows how internet culture has changed since then, but tbf, i like the new culture a little more than the old one - just not the extreme side

13 notes • Posted 2021-04-30 21:06:50 GMT

See the full post

19 notes • Posted 2021-07-25 12:38:05 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

#this is hecka interestig to me actually kfkdkjs #long post

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04loved · 6 years

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To A Happy 2018

This isn’t a follow forever or mutual list, I just wanted to give a little personal shoutout to some of you who make tumblr a place i want to keep coming back to.

There are many more wonderful people I didn’t mention, but I hope in the coming year to step out of my comfort zone a little and try to talk to you all more, even if it is only over anon. To everyone who has sent me an encouraging message or anon in recent days, I was truly touched and I thank you so much. To all of my followers, i love you and you’re doing great and i hope you have a soft 2018 filled with love and good things!!

@bbhsavocado i feel like i learned so much about u pricilla that night of the bbh in panties talk aldkjsgljk how validating to see my kinks shared n sub bbh appreciated like that, but it was also awful n i hated it. i love all ur bisexual bbh-loving content n ur friendship with some mutuals is so adorable i hope u all find great gfs this year <3 i have no idea y i took so long to follow u bc ur everything i want in a blog

@bbhsthighs nicole, u want to be a person who gives happiness like the boy who inspired ur url, and u do, u really really do. ur hilarious and adorable in ur tags and ur interactions with ur other friends on here. i can tell how much you love them and how much they love you back <3 maybe some ppl first liked u for ur humor and light, but love means accepting u when ur hurting and when u dont feel like u can shine anymore. pls dont be afraid to share that side of you with those who deserve ur trust, bc thats what a true friendship is. pls treat urself with the same kindness u give to everyone else. asking for help isnt being selfish and it isnt letting anyone down. u do not have to shine for everyone else while being blind urself. following u has been a wild ride from the day i first found ur blog and ive enjoyed every day since. this year i hope the world becomes a bright and beautiful place for you.

@bobohu elaine, im not sure who you want following you since u changed ur blog...i think u left while i was taking a break from tumblr, but i found you again from a post about the kinds of love you feel for exo, i knew there was only one person who writes like that, so beautifully and so full of love. you were one of the first exo blogs i followed and you have always been someone who radiates good vibes and sunshine. i want u to know i appreciate every one of ur positivity posts, and even in your selfies, your smile, you look exactly how i would expect from the kind of cute content you have. i want to genuinely thank you for being a fan for so long and doing what u can to make others happy. i love seeing your posts and im very happy i found you again

@boxianb ive been following u for so long and like idk how u do it but u reblog every single baekhyun post i have on my blog without fail. always. u r just all baekhyun all the time and u know what i admire that i respect that so much that is dedication and i see u and appreciate that, its exactly what i want and need in my life, thank you !!

@byunchen mel, ive seen your posts lately and how you are lonely and missing friends on here, and ive been following you for like...two years now..and we don’t really talk, im shy and you say ur shy and bad at talking.... but here’s me saying that i see you and i appreciate the time you spend on here blogging and talking. im not really active enough anymore to promise to interact a lot but this year i will try to talk more and i wish you many adorable anons and people to call friends !! thank u for coming this far and being an important part of my dash

@exolgbt around when i first followed u i was questioning a lot if i was actually a lesbian and somehow ur blog just like...comforted me ? made me feel good ? helped me try to understand myself ? seeing someone so proudly a lesbian and also so in love with exo... ive come to terms with being bisexual but i admire you and really love your content and all the exo mlm appreciation !! ur doing good work <3

@imagine-baekhyun i dont know who is running this account but ur literally ruining my life thanks i hate it !!!!!!

@kjonginswife i have to admit ive wanted to talk to u for a while alkjgslkjg its nice to see someone my own age on here, i did see ur universe reaction and i think youre adorable haha i dont follow a lot of non-bbh stans and honestly i think i followed you at first by mistake but i have never regretted it !! idk how to put it into eloquent words but basically u give me such good friendly vibes and i love seeing your posts and your tags and your personality and just know someone on here really appreciates you and would miss you if u left

@kkaeb-my-song one of the holy first baekhyun blogs i followed <3 from the beginning you struck me as a very sweet person so cutely in love with baekhyun and that hasn’t changed, ive only come to appreciate you even more. you’re a constant on here and being in this fandom wouldn’t be the same without you !!

@mochibaeks I LOVE YOU i know youre not as active lately jelly but I LOVE YOU youre like the sweetest cutest squishiest most adorable person ive seen on this site i just...love...everything you say and make!! im p sure i first followed u bc u did like the bias audio challenge a while ago...u sounded so friendly and adorable, ur voice is very fitting for you haha you are so warm i hope you stick around for a long time because i love you soooo much

@rosybbh ive been following u sophia for a while and we’re mutuals but we havent talked a lot and im still honestly intimidated by you lol idk how u feel about this view but i see you as a very strong person, just the way u talk seems confident in some way to me, whether u feel like that or not. i dont really have the right words, but i admire that. i LOVE everything u say about bbh...all ur posts for bbh n about u n bbh...damn u always got me daydreaming about him too :( except ok there was this one pic of chanyeol and u said smth like ‘imagine him manspreading’ and id like u to know that that actually ruined my life and i havent forgotten it so thanks. for u especially i hope u have a very bright and healing year

@r-velvets vivian i know u have been gone recently but still lurk, and u have one of my fave blogs content wise and gifs and personality. u r still like THAT way too cool mutual i get so excited to see...especially bc you’re also so kind and during that really hard night after the news of Jonghyun, idk how or why but just those few words u said made me feel a lot better. i miss you online but i hope youre doing well in your real life and finding happiness

@sefuns i dont have a lot to say bc im really shy but u were the FIRST exo blog i ever followed and you have given nothing but great content since i found you two years ago, and when u followed me more recently i could not believe the notification aglksjgljk i have no idea how u found me but knowing we’re mutuals made me very happy and gave me a little blush and i just wanted to let u know that

@thundaelights fey, i dont think this will mean much to you coming from a stranger, but after following you for two years, i feel like i know you some, and i want to say that i hope this year you see many beautiful sights, and your heart feels light, and you are surrounded by things that give happiness. i hope something happens soon that makes the whole world look different, look brighter. its funny how life can change so fast and without warning. i wish you not just strength but also a safe place to fall apart and hope to put yourself back together. may you find countless reasons to smile

@wangeun we talked a lot for a while and then i just kind of disappeared i think as i often do rip but i still love following you and i just want to say real quick that i see you and i notice you and i would miss you if you left and i hope youre finding a lot of success in your life

to new mutuals @cuddlyjd @okaybaekhyun @baekhyuns i still get so shy and happy when anyone follows me back but thank you !! you are all three cute and adorable and funny n kenzie i hadnt followed a great jongdae stan in a while since the old dae-biased blogs i followed became inactive thank u for loving jongdae so well alkgjs

@sebyun @winterbyuns @etherealbbh @progamerbyun @dearbyun @baeksee @byunvoyage @solobaek @queenbyun @baekhyy @baehkhun @ethereal-baek i love all of u bbh stans giving baekhyun the love and adoration he deserves n giving me the positive baekhyun content my heart needs. esp solobaek (kiki, right?) u have the cutest most wonderful tags i love reading them all and seeing so many heart emojis

im sorry i dont have the most to say but im thinking of you all and wishing you the best!!!!

#sry if u dont even know me lol i mostly lurk rather than actually talk #happy new year!!!!#p

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