#i probably shouldn’t have engaged in the first place/interacted with that post
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Look, I just…don’t like kids. Or maybe “don’t like” is the wrong phrasing. I feel uncomfortable around them. See, you’re allowed to like them if you want. There’s nothing wrong with that! In fact, I’m pretty sure that’s the “normal” thing to feel. I was just responsible for kids from a very young age and don’t want any of my own as a result. Why would I want to be a parent when I’ve spent most of my life being a (very poor) stand-in for other kids’ parents who didn’t want to take care of their own? Plus I just don’t think I could be emotionally available to kids the way they need and deserve. There’s more to this thought (and more reasons why I don’t want/feel uncomfortable around kids than this) but I just really needed to get this off my chest, since this rb/block kind of hurt. I thought I was past getting upset over things that happen on the internet, but this cut deep for some reason.
#I just think people can be really harsh on here sometimes#and jump to conclusions#can we just…not judge people until we know the full story?#including myself in that#maybe I made a mistake reblogging that post but it’s true for me…idk#I guess I could’ve phrased it better#this is probably the only post I’m gonna make on this#sorry for this paragraph post of negativity#I really like to be positive on here#but I just needed to vent#also please don’t be mean to op#I just wanted to explain my rationale for saying what I said#since I felt it demanded explanation#i probably shouldn’t have engaged in the first place/interacted with that post#I really was asking for trouble
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Throwing together all of my Fuuta thoughts/theories into one post now that Backdraft has been out for a couple days and I’ve watched it probably no less than 800 times by now.
Before I hop into the murder, I want to point out a few things about Fuuta’s personality that are important to understand. The first is about his family life. He implies that his mother left him and his father, saying that he doesn’t remember much about his mother since his parents divorced. He then goes on to insult his father, calling him a “weak, pathetic fogey”. He also seems to be pretty lonely in real life, as he’s always shown alone in Bring It On.
Both this loneliness and his dislike of showing weakness drives what I believe to be his desire to have a bold outward persona— an idealized self that is a brave leader who enacts justice and defends the weak. In both Bring It On and Backdraft, we see this concept of Fuuta having two senses of self.
In Backdraft, after Fuuta reflects on his guilty vote, he sees another, more confident version of himself approaching his victim, Killcheroy.
Another thing to consider is that in Bring It On, the knight version of Fuuta has certain physical characteristics changed. In real life, Fuuta is really short (165 cm/5’4), wears baggy clothes, and covers most of his face with a mask. However, his knight version is clearly just as tall, if not taller, than his peers, wears tight-fitting armor, and his face is completely unobstructed.
Fuuta wants us to believe that he’s fearless, that he jumps into these situations with nothing but courage in his heart and at the end of the day, he’s a hero. But in reality, he's a timid, cowardly person and he knows it.
In Backdraft, we see that he has trouble keeping up his "brave defender of justice" persona, with his lip quivering before eventually grinning.
I think that this persona can help explain the order of the prisoners that we see in Backdraft. It seems to be that the closer the prisoner is to Fuuta, the higher his opinion is of them, or perhaps it signifies how comfortable he is with them.
It makes sense that Haruka is right next to Fuuta, as Fuuta has said from the beginning that he feels he needs to look out for Haruka since Haruka is younger. If we look at who the last prisoners are, Kotoko is at the end (for obvious reasons), but Kazui is even further past Kotoko.
It may seem odd that the man who stopped the woman from nearly murdering Fuuta would be last on the list, but given how much Fuuta hates being perceived as weak, I think that he just genuinely feels ashamed around Kazui. It’s nothing against Kazui specifically, but all of a sudden Fuuta has become the very person he hates— “weak and pathetic”. Kazui has seen him in his most vulnerable state, and that’s just something that Fuuta cannot stand.
Speaking of this lineup, I think it’s also interesting that Muu is so close to him, especially considering that there haven’t been many Muu/Fuuta interactions in Milgram so far. That being said, Muu was a victim of extreme bullying, and Fuuta views himself as a defender of justice, so it’s reasonable to assume that Muu is someone Fuuta sympathizes with.
This leads me to the million dollar question that everyone is dying to know. What exactly did Killcheroy do?
I made a post about this recently, but tldr; I think Killcheroy was posting pictures of someone without their permission with the intent of bullying/harassing them. Killcheroy keeps bringing up these loopholes as to why it’s okay for her to post the photo, but the fact that she needs to bring up these loopholes means that this picture really shouldn’t be on the internet in the first place, and she knows it.
Fuuta is also very harsh towards Killcheroy, saying that she’s not going to get off easy just because she’s a middle school student. When you consider that the last person Fuuta went after was a sexual harasser, it makes me think that Killcheroy is engaging in some really bad behavior, and bullying seems like just the thing that would provoke such a strong response from Fuuta.
This is also where Fuuta starts really fucking up.
I believe that Fuuta decided to do the classic “eye for an eye” route, and posted a picture of the girl’s house online. We see in Bring It On that he says it was easy to figure out where she lives, and in Undercover, we see him taking a photo of a house.
In Backdraft as well, when he spray paints over the cartoon of Killcheroy, he leaves her face visible for everyone to see. I think this signifies him doxxing her in a way that he hasn’t done before with other people he’s gone after in the past.
Killcheroy leaned pretty heavily on the “it’s just a picture!” excuse, so I think that’s probably how Fuuta justified posting the picture of her house.
It’s also worth noting that the amount of paint Fuuta used for Killcheroy in Backdraft is significantly less than the amount of paint he used for the other people, which means that Fuuta may have… gone easy on Killcheroy? I really think he just wanted her to see what it felt like when people post personal pictures without consent, but didn’t think anything much would come from it, which is why he immediately walks away without looking back, as he did with the other paintings.
What he didn’t expect was the amount of people who would join in.
This is another reason I think Killcheroy was a bully. Bullying is one of the worst things that a child can do, and people always love when a bully gets what’s coming to them. It would explain why the internet descended so quickly onto Killcheroy and vilified her. As soon as we see people ganging on Killcheroy, we immediately see Fuuta becoming scared of what he’s done.
Now everyone is harassing this young girl who did something bad, but she didn’t deserve to get this much hate from so many strangers. He begins questioning his actions, as we can see with the lyrics changing from “burn, burn!” to “burn, burn?”
Unfortunately for Fuuta, things are about to get much worse.
We see Killcheroy choking before eventually crumbling away, signifying her death. However, I don’t think that she took her own life. The main reason I believe this is because when we see Fuuta’s murder reenacted with Es, Es’ shoes are still on, implying that Killcheroy did not commit suicide (unlike Mahiru’s and Kazui’s victims, both of whom have Es’ shoes removed during the reenactment).
What I think happened instead is that someone physically went to Killcheroy’s house, and set it ablaze, either intentionally or accidentally. We have a lot of fire/burning symbolism all throughout Fuuta’s trials that just hasn’t been accounted for yet, and if Killcheroy didn’t kill herself, then her dying in a house fire makes the most sense.
One more thing I want to touch on is how Fuuta views his own involvement in Killcheroy’s death. While he hasn’t completely come around to the idea that he caused it, he is certainly less adamant than he was in the first trial. On the website for his S2 voice lines, he actually says “I’m not guilty… I think.”
This is a stark contrast to his S1 voice lines where he says
“Murderer? That’s not my fault. That’s not me. I didn’t kill someone. Right? Isn’t that right?”
This question to Es is repeated in his first voice drama:
“That’s stupid. I haven’t killed anyone. I didn’t kill anyone. … I didn’t. I … didn’t, right?”
Instead of looking to Es to validate his “innocence”, as he was in the first trial, Fuuta is now tackling his denial in a way we never have seen him do before. It’s no longer about Es viewing Fuuta as guilty or not. It’s Fuuta himself openly challening his view that he’s innocent. It’s a small step, but it is a step in the right direction.
He also says in the S2 voice lines: “What I did could have had absolutely nothing to do with that person’s death - you don’t know!”
Again, this isn’t a complete admission of guilt, but by saying “could have”, it implies that he’s aware there is a chance that his actions led to someone’s death, and he no longer is saying it’s impossible that he’s killed someone.
Another thing I find interesting is the “moribound” line in Backdraft. In the Chinese translation, it actually was translated to something along the lines of “I was involved in death”, with the “I” part explicitly stated. If this translation is accurate, then this would mark the first time Fuuta admits he’s involved with Killcheroy’s death, even though he still is denying any fault in it.
I really hope Fuuta is voted to be forgiven overall. He did something really stupid, but it wasn’t malicious. He started showing fear and guilt the moment that people started piling on Killcheroy, proving that he didn’t just feel bad once he learned someone died. Even the official Milgram website says that he’s a timid but good person. I still think he deserved the first unforgivable vote, but he’s ultimately still a salvageable person.
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SpyScout shippers PLEASE interact,
I know my username might be deceiving but my blog is only named this because I’m ashamed of myself for making it!! Not trying to shame the lovely people who fill the tags and share their passion for the ship.
I don’t like labels and I tend to stray away from sharing the few I do have, but if you can’t separate fiction from reality you probably shouldn’t be consuming it in the first place or you’re not old enough to be on this blog rn, so block me and give yourself some peace if SpyScout and the like triggers you.
I tend to err more on the non-incestuous version of the ship but if you do ship it with that element then I won’t bash you for it, everyone has their own preferences and personal AUs in their head and I respect that tons.
If you must refer to me, call me Scoot. Outside of that, no pronouns outside of you and your.
Can’t promise I’ll be too active on this blog but enjoy your stay. I appreciate any engagement but really I’m happy if you take time out of your day just to scroll. Given how universally shunned the ship is, I don’t post for notes, but rather out of passion for the characters and the people who feel the same, albeit silently.
Thanks for making it all the way through the post.
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More About Burnout, Setting Boundaries, And Taking Care Of Yourself
My roommate has just posted about being burnt out with Submas because of the angst and I’ve mentioned burnout several times regarding myself.
I shouldn’t have to say this but this post isn’t saying “don’t make angst”. Do not put words in my mouth, attempt to argue with me about things I haven’t said, and definitely do not send me hostile messages. I won’t respond and I will just block you.
If anything I say here touches a nerve with you, you probably want to examine why you think people are not allowed to set boundaries with the content they want to see and the people they want to interact with and how.
bl*nkshippers dni--I will block you
First Of All, Angst Burnout
More and more people are now burnt out on Submas and PLA because of the angst content. Recently people have been discussing using further tags to make it easier for people to block things they don’t want to see. This is possibly a solution, however it can’t be expected that everyone will use the tags, or all the same tags. People also have varying opinions on what would require a tag, so one person may not tag content thinking it’s OK while someone else may come across it and not wish to see it.
The fact is, not everyone is a fan of something in the same way. Some people here don’t even consider themselves part of the Submas fandom or wish to engage the way fandoms tend to engage on tumblr (myself included). Some people love angst just because, while others love it and use it to cope with things. That’s fine.
Other people use things they like as an escape from stresses and struggles, and are drawn to things that are just fluff, slice of life, shitposting, or even angst that resolves happily in the end.
Some people like all of these things.
Ultimately, all types of fans can coexist on a site. It shouldn’t be a problem.
I feel like the issue here is the entire tone of Submas content was changed overnight, and people who had been here prior to PLA found themselves suddenly surrounded by new content that often disregarded what Submas had been and meant to people before then. Prior to PLA when browsing the tags, there wasn’t very much at all. There was a brief uptick in content when they were added to PokeMas. But then PLA came out and the whole tone changed from “Here’s two train guys doing their thing” to “How sad can we make the train guys?”, “What if Ingo dies in Hisui?”, “Can we make Emmet angsty and unhinged?”
Not to mention there are also new Submas fans since PLA, who have come to enjoy Ingo and Emmet outside of the context of PLA, and are burned out by the angst content because they want a happy ending.
It’s bad enough when Gamefreak has been silent about how and why Ingo got to Hisui, and if he goes back. The game itself hasn’t even properly concluded as of the time I’m typing this; even the main storyline is left hanging. This was enough to upset fans as it is, and is part of why I make so many reassurance posts.
So imagine a game series you enjoy does this to a previously fairly obscure character you like, and you want reassurance that they’ll be fine in the end and maybe some wholesome content to balance out the uncertainty and just...sad feeling the game itself is giving you. But now because of the game, the characters’ popularity has exploded, primarily with people who want to make angst content. You go to your usual places seeking reassuring, light-hearted, and wholesome content, and instead you find people who want your favorite characters to be miserable, permanently separated, or even draw or write content where one of them dies. And it’s not just a handful of posts; it’s nearly all of the content, all of the time.
That’s going to make you feel worse, really. And it’s easy to start feeling hopeless that the game developers will write a happy ending when a majority of what you see from other fans seems to expect, or even demand the worst possible outcome.
And it especially feels bad if you also like the characters because they were helping you cope with other things, or had become “comfort characters” (not terribly sure what this means, sorry), or if you saw yourself in them (as so many autistic people have seen themselves in Ingo and Emmet).
You can block tags and people, but because there’s just so much, it’s safer to just not go in the tags. But this isn’t a perfect solution either. Some sites will force posts from people you aren’t following into your feed as advertising who to follow, which means coming across the content anyway with no way to opt out of forced posts (without extensions anyway). At most you can just block the person who posted it so they won’t be recommended again. Which, all of this in turn means all but dropping an interest that once brought you joy.
Other Reasons For Burnout
Burnout isn’t limited only to people who don’t wish to see or engage with angst content. Personally I’ve found myself not only burnt out by the angst, but by people panicking and by my own choice of making reassurance posts.
There’s been a lot of panic among Submas fans. First it was Ingo’s inclusion in PLA in late January. Then the PLA Guide Book came out in mid-April with concept art for Ingo that caused people to panic. As of the time of this post. Gamefreak has yet to say whether or not the concept art made the final cut, that is, it may not be canon! Yet...so many people have taken it as canon, whether it was ideas they liked or not, fit into their fan works or not...Then throw in the panic over whether or not Ingo still has a full head of hair or is “bald” which...isn’t the correct word for it. His hairline has receded in the concept art--he still has hair so he’s not actually “bald”. He can be described as “balding” in this case.
This panic can wear people out when it’s all they’re seeing in the tags, or their own feeds, and especially in this case, where new information seemed to suggest the canon situation was worse than first thought. I only found out about it myself because I had a post about it from someone I don’t follow pushed into my feed. I decided to look into it further and create some reassurance posts since everyone was panicking and deciding something not confirmed was canon and that Ingo was not going back...but that got exhausting. I had to keep up with things I usually avoid. I ended up feeling burnt out and anxious.
Other times reassurance posts burn me out because of the amount of time and effort they make--I can’t sit and play PLA all day looking for info, nor spend all day throwing together evidence suggesting Ingo will go home, hasn’t been in Hisui for over a decade, etc. The writing takes time too. I want to make sure I’m clear, have researched anything I might not know about the games, doubled checked what I do know, covered everything making sure there’s no obvious errors or glaring evidence to the contrary...and, well, sometimes it gets to be a lot, and I end up having to step back from what I’m doing for a while. I haven’t played PLA in over a month because of how much it was burning me out to comb through a game that made me feel empty at the end for potential evidence, besides the fact that I’d finished everything except for the rematches.
Some people too, are burned out by the amount of interaction or messages they receive. Whether the person is being asked about reassurance, or Submas facts, headcanons, or even just someone being messaged about their fan works (yes, including angst!), it can get tiring for people to constantly have something to answer. Even people who are more extroverted will eventually reach a point where it’s too much.
There are also other reasons not mentioned here. I have only covered what I have personally seen or experienced.
What Happens Now?
As I stated before, people are talking more and more about having more tags for angst content so people can block what they don’t want to see, filter what kind of angst they would like to see, etc. Personally, I think this is a good start. It’s not perfect, but it can help.
What is not a solution, is for people to stop making angst. Just as people are allowed to not like it and create other content, people who like angst are allowed to like and create it. I hope that nobody’s takeaway from people posting about burnout from the angst is that they need to stop making content they enjoy.
As for other things causing burnout, I think it’s important to set boundaries as self-care. You can curate your experiences on this site to see content you want to see (I know people who have not been here long and/or have come from other sites often don’t understand there isn’t a true algorithm here and you have to actively seek content you want vs expecting constant recommendations). You can block tags and even people and it will work relatively well. You can add extensions to further hide things you don’t wish to see, including ads. (Bye bye to those shaving ads! You know the ones.) The high amount of angst content means filtering will not be perfect, but you’re allowed to filter and shouldn’t feel bad for doing so.
I still use the tumblr savior extension. This allows you to blacklist certain words you don’t want to see posts containing and whitelist words you always want to see. It’s really useful if people DON’T tag as well, but only works if they have text in the post, not the image, containing the blacklisted word. For example, let’s say you don’t want to see an AU where Ingo died and is a ghost, but it’s all over your feed and you don’t want to block other people you follow, but some of them aren’t tagging for whatever reason. You can block any words specific to that AU so chances of seeing it are much lower. But let’s say you blocked “Ingo” and “Ghost”, but you’re following someone who frequently posts art you’re OK with of Ingo and his Chandelure and now you’re not seeing it because their posts usually contain those words? Thats’s where whitelisting comes in. You whitelist their URL and their posts will be back, while still filtering the ones you don’t want. Tumblr savior is also good if you just want a warning before seeing things. Posts show up with the content blocked and telling you what words you had blacklisted, with an option to show the post. So if you need to prepare before seeing something, your willingness to see it varies and you want to be able to choose when you see it, etc, tumblr savior gives you the option of doing that.
You can turn off asks if you’re getting too many, or set a limit of how many you will answer a day. You can even choose not to answer something. And you can absolutely not answer and block someone who sends you something nasty, or unwanted content. You DO have the option of blocking anons so they can’t send you more, and turning off anon is usually a good way to get people to stop.
If you notice yourself feeling burned out, it’s OK to take a step back and set boundaries. You don’t have to constantly create content or engage with people. It’s also OK if you have to take a break from Submas as a whole, or even start filtering content when previously you did not.
You get to choose how you experience being a fan of something. The fandom’s interpretation or tone does not decide for you, whether you consider yourself in the fandom or not.
Take care of yourself.
~Moonbeam
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hello and welcome to @goetterfreiheit. mun's name francy, 30, so expect some nsfw which will be tagged as ( i.nsft ) or ( v.nsft ), mostly sexual but who knows what i might come up with. i am working full time, expect mostly activity 2-4 times a week, but mostly on the weekend. my activity will probably be quite low, unless i am off work. i will mostly be lurking and all sorts of dms / ideas are very welcome. )
MAIN STARTER CALL & INBOX CALL
MAIN BLOG LINKED TO THIS ONE. @tunichtgxt ( mix of anime and video games muses and all other male 2d figures nobody seems to know about )
OTHER SIDE BLOGS. @makoenergie (final fantasy vii mumu) @kriegsveteranen (fire emblem mumu), @schattennxcht (persona mumu), @weltenwxndler (genshin impact/honkai star rail mumu), @letzterzeuge (final fantasy xvi mumu).
DRAFTS: STARTERS OWED: ASKS:
FOLLOWING & DUPLICATES : NOT ENTIRELY SELECTIVE. I do not have to follow back to be engaged in a thread, but if i am very much interested, i will definitely follow (back). very crossover & oc friendly. too many crack posts and i will most likely unfollow again. if u follow me firstly, please have something in mind for us to interact.
duplicates tend to give me anxiety, so please don’t think badly of me, if i do unfollow because of that.
MAINS & EXCLUSIVES : I don’t practise exclusivity, it honestly takes the fun away from rping (in my opinion!). I might however go exclusive with my private muses. they don’t receive much interaction, so i wouldn’t mind for them to be committed.
mains however are very much welcome! please feel free to contact me to talk about being mains. It will give all our threads priority over the other replies i owe.
SHIPPING & NSFW : I AM ABSOLUTE SHIPPING TRASH. please know that if you follow me, i will most likely try to build a relationship between our muses based on mutual attraction and romance (darker manipulative/toxic stuff is good with me, too). that doesn’t mean shipping is necessary, but it’s what i like and i am not ashamed or apologetic about it. romantic threads of any sort will always have priority and while we’re on the topic, yes, i do prefer my ships to be extremely gay. all muses are per se bisexual with preference for males, but that doesn’t mean a “normal hetship” won’t excite me. it really depends on the build up for me.
i don’t care about pro or anti or whatever ship. it’s ship and let ship for me. you do you and i do i.
if you do wanna ship and we’ll get a ship going, please know i will most likely be very dedicated, might even tag you in something. I might become rather clingy, if the ship really has my heart. will most likely throw infinite aus at you and all that shippy cringy shit. don’t want that? you probably shouldn’t follow me in the first place.
and you might have guessed it, i do like nsfw interactions. they’ll be tagged as ( i.nsft ). if you ever feel like sending a nsfw meme but we haven’t discussed a ship prior to this, i advice you to simply send it. I’ll probably get excited about it and answer it to the best of my ability… cause that is the shit i like and want on here.
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hello and welcome to @schattennxcht. mun's name francy, 30, so expect some nsfw which will be tagged as ( i.nsft ) or ( v.nsft ). i am working full time, expect mostly activity 2-4 times a week, but mostly on the weekend. my activity will probably be quite low, unless i am off work. i will mostly be lurking and all sorts of dms / ideas are very welcome. )
MAIN STARTER CALL & INBOX CALL
MAIN BLOG LINKED TO THIS ONE. @tunichtgxt ( mix of anime and video games muses and all other male 2d figures nobody seems to know about )
OTHER SIDE BLOGS. @makoenergie (final fantasy vii mumu) @kriegsveteranen (fire emblem mumu), @letzterzeuge (final fantasy xvi mumu), @weltenwxndler (genshin impact/honkai star rail mumu), @goetterfreiheit (xenoblade chronicles mumu).
DRAFTS: STARTERS OWED: ASKS:
FOLLOWING & DUPLICATES : NOT ENTIRELY SELECTIVE. I do not have to follow back to be engaged in a thread, but if i am very much interested, i will definitely follow (back). very crossover & oc friendly. too many crack posts and i will most likely unfollow again. if u follow me firstly, please have something in mind for us to interact.
duplicates tend to give me anxiety, so please don’t think badly of me, if i do unfollow because of that.
MAINS & EXCLUSIVES : I don’t practise exclusivity, it honestly takes the fun away from rping (in my opinion!). I might however go exclusive with my private muses. they don’t receive much interaction, so i wouldn’t mind for them to be committed.
mains however are very much welcome! please feel free to contact me to talk about being mains. It will give all our threads priority over the other replies i owe.
SHIPPING & NSFW : I AM ABSOLUTE SHIPPING TRASH. please know that if you follow me, i will most likely try to build a relationship between our muses based on mutual attraction and romance (darker manipulative/toxic stuff is good with me, too). that doesn’t mean shipping is necessary, but it’s what i like and i am not ashamed or apologetic about it. romantic threads of any sort will always have priority and while we’re on the topic, yes, i do prefer my ships to be extremely gay. all muses are per se bisexual with preference for males, but that doesn’t mean a “normal hetship” won’t excite me. it really depends on the build up for me.
i don’t care about pro or anti or whatever ship. it’s ship and let ship for me. you do you and i do i.
if you do wanna ship and we’ll get a ship going, please know i will most likely be very dedicated, might even tag you in something. I might become rather clingy, if the ship really has my heart. will most likely throw infinite aus at you and all that shippy cringy shit. don’t want that? you probably shouldn’t follow me in the first place.
and you might have guessed it, i do like nsfw interactions. they’ll be tagged as ( i.nsft ). if you ever feel like sending a nsfw meme but we haven’t discussed a ship prior to this, i advice you to simply send it. I’ll probably get excited about it and answer it to the best of my ability… cause that is the shit i like and want on here.
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Text
hello and welcome to @kriegsveteranen. mun's name francy, 30, so expect some nsfw which will be tagged as ( i.nsft ) or ( v.nsft ), mostly sexual but who knows what i might come up with seeing the source material to fire emblem is about as deep as it is dark. i am working full time, expect mostly activity 2-4 times a week, but mostly on the weekend. my activity will probably be quite low, unless i am off work. i will mostly be lurking and all sorts of dms / ideas are very welcome. )
MAIN STARTER CALL & INBOX CALL
MAIN BLOG LINKED TO THIS ONE. @tunichtgxt ( mix of anime and video games muses and all other male 2d figures nobody seems to know about )
OTHER SIDE BLOGS. @makoenergie (final fantasy vii mumu) @letzterzeuge (final fantasy xvi), @schattennxcht (persona mumu), @weltenwxndler (genshin impact/honkai star rail mumu), @goetterfreiheit (xenoblade chronicles mumu).
DRAFTS: STARTERS OWED: ASKS:
FOLLOWING & DUPLICATES : NOT ENTIRELY SELECTIVE. I do not have to follow back to be engaged in a thread, but if i am very much interested, i will definitely follow (back). very crossover & oc friendly. too many crack posts and i will most likely unfollow again. if u follow me firstly, please have something in mind for us to interact.
duplicates tend to give me anxiety, so please don’t think badly of me, if i do unfollow because of that.
MAINS & EXCLUSIVES : I don’t practise exclusivity, it honestly takes the fun away from rping (in my opinion!). I might however go exclusive with my private muses. they don’t receive much interaction, so i wouldn’t mind for them to be committed.
mains however are very much welcome! please feel free to contact me to talk about being mains. It will give all our threads priority over the other replies i owe.
SHIPPING & NSFW : I AM ABSOLUTE SHIPPING TRASH. please know that if you follow me, i will most likely try to build a relationship between our muses based on mutual attraction and romance (darker manipulative/toxic stuff is good with me, too). that doesn’t mean shipping is necessary, but it’s what i like and i am not ashamed or apologetic about it. romantic threads of any sort will always have priority and while we’re on the topic, yes, i do prefer my ships to be extremely gay. all muses are per se bisexual with preference for males, but that doesn’t mean a “normal hetship” won’t excite me. it really depends on the build up for me.
i don’t care about pro or anti or whatever ship. it’s ship and let ship for me. you do you and i do i.
if you do wanna ship and we’ll get a ship going, please know i will most likely be very dedicated, might even tag you in something. I might become rather clingy, if the ship really has my heart. will most likely throw infinite aus at you and all that shippy cringy shit. don’t want that? you probably shouldn’t follow me in the first place.
and you might have guessed it, i do like nsfw interactions. they’ll be tagged as ( i.nsft ). if you ever feel like sending a nsfw meme but we haven’t discussed a ship prior to this, i advice you to simply send it. I’ll probably get excited about it and answer it to the best of my ability… cause that is the shit i like and want on here.
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hello and welcome to @weltenwxndler. mun's name francy, 30, so expect some nsfw which will be tagged as ( i.nsft ) or ( v.nsft ), mostly sexual but who knows what i might come up with. i am working full time, expect mostly activity 2-4 times a week, but mostly on the weekend. my activity will probably be quite low, unless i am off work. i will mostly be lurking and all sorts of dms / ideas are very welcome. )
MAIN STARTER CALL & INBOX CALL
MAIN BLOG LINKED TO THIS ONE. @tunichtgxt ( mix of anime and video games muses and all other male 2d figures nobody seems to know about )
OTHER SIDE BLOGS. @makoenergie (final fantasy vii mumu) @kriegsveteranen (fire emblem mumu), @schattennxcht (persona mumu), @letzterzeuge (final fantasy xvi mumu), @goetterfreiheit (xenoblade chronicles mumu).
DRAFTS: STARTERS OWED: ASKS:
FOLLOWING & DUPLICATES : NOT ENTIRELY SELECTIVE. I do not have to follow back to be engaged in a thread, but if i am very much interested, i will definitely follow (back). very crossover & oc friendly. too many crack posts and i will most likely unfollow again. if u follow me firstly, please have something in mind for us to interact.
duplicates tend to give me anxiety, so please don’t think badly of me, if i do unfollow because of that.
MAINS & EXCLUSIVES : I don’t practise exclusivity, it honestly takes the fun away from rping (in my opinion!). I might however go exclusive with my private muses. they don’t receive much interaction, so i wouldn’t mind for them to be committed.
mains however are very much welcome! please feel free to contact me to talk about being mains. It will give all our threads priority over the other replies i owe.
SHIPPING & NSFW : I AM ABSOLUTE SHIPPING TRASH. please know that if you follow me, i will most likely try to build a relationship between our muses based on mutual attraction and romance (darker manipulative/toxic stuff is good with me, too). that doesn’t mean shipping is necessary, but it’s what i like and i am not ashamed or apologetic about it. romantic threads of any sort will always have priority and while we’re on the topic, yes, i do prefer my ships to be extremely gay. all muses are per se bisexual with preference for males, but that doesn’t mean a “normal hetship” won’t excite me. it really depends on the build up for me.
i don’t care about pro or anti or whatever ship. it’s ship and let ship for me. you do you and i do i.
if you do wanna ship and we’ll get a ship going, please know i will most likely be very dedicated, might even tag you in something. I might become rather clingy, if the ship really has my heart. will most likely throw infinite aus at you and all that shippy cringy shit. don’t want that? you probably shouldn’t follow me in the first place.
and you might have guessed it, i do like nsfw interactions. they’ll be tagged as ( i.nsft ). if you ever feel like sending a nsfw meme but we haven’t discussed a ship prior to this, i advice you to simply send it. I’ll probably get excited about it and answer it to the best of my ability… cause that is the shit i like and want on here.
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hello and welcome to @makoenergie. mun's name francy, 30, so expect some nsfw which will be tagged as ( i.nsft ) or ( v.nsft ), mostly sexual but who knows what i might come up with seeing the source material to final fantasy vii is about as deep as it is dark. i am working full time, expect activity 2-4 times a week, but mostly on the weekend. my activity will probably be quite low, unless i am off work. i will mostly be lurking and all sorts of dms / ideas are very welcome. ) muses: zack, biggs, vincent, rufus, reno.
MAIN STARTER CALL & INBOX CALL
MAIN BLOG LINKED TO THIS ONE. @tunichtgxt ( mix of anime and video games muses and all other male 2d figures nobody seems to know about )
OTHER SIDE BLOGS. @letzterzeuge (final fantasy xvi mumu) @kriegsveteranen (fire emblem mumu), @schattennxcht (persona mumu), @weltenwxndler (genshin impact/honkai star rail mumu), @goetterfreiheit (xenoblade chronicles mumu).
DRAFTS: STARTERS OWED: ASKS:
FOLLOWING & DUPLICATES : NOT ENTIRELY SELECTIVE. I do not have to follow back to be engaged in a thread, but if i am very much interested, i will definitely follow (back). very crossover & oc friendly. too many crack posts and i will most likely unfollow again. if u follow me firstly, please have something in mind for us to interact.
duplicates tend to give me anxiety, so please don’t think badly of me, if i do unfollow because of that.
MAINS & EXCLUSIVES : I don’t practise exclusivity, it honestly takes the fun away from rping (in my opinion!). I might however go exclusive with my private muses. they don’t receive much interaction, so i wouldn’t mind for them to be committed.
mains however are very much welcome! please feel free to contact me to talk about being mains. It will give all our threads priority over the other replies i owe.
SHIPPING & NSFW : I AM ABSOLUTE SHIPPING TRASH. please know that if you follow me, i will most likely try to build a relationship between our muses based on mutual attraction and romance (darker manipulative/toxic stuff is good with me, too). that doesn’t mean shipping is necessary, but it’s what i like and i am not ashamed or apologetic about it. romantic threads of any sort will always have priority and while we’re on the topic, yes, i do prefer my ships to be extremely gay. all muses are per se bisexual with preference for males, but that doesn’t mean a “normal hetship” won’t excite me. it really depends on the build up for me.
i don’t care about pro or anti or whatever ship. it’s ship and let ship for me. you do you and i do i.
if you do wanna ship and we’ll get a ship going, please know i will most likely be very dedicated, might even tag you in something. I might become rather clingy, if the ship really has my heart. will most likely throw infinite aus at you and all that shippy cringy shit. don’t want that? you probably shouldn’t follow me in the first place.
and you might have guessed it, i do like nsfw interactions. they’ll be tagged as ( i.nsft ). if you ever feel like sending a nsfw meme but we haven’t discussed a ship prior to this, i advice you to simply send it. I’ll probably get excited about it and answer it to the best of my ability… cause that is the shit i like and want on here.
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Text
hello and welcome to @letzterzeuge. mun's name francy, 30, so expect some nsfw which will be tagged as ( i.nsft ) or ( v.nsft ), mostly sexual but who knows what i might come up with seeing the source material to final fantasy xvi is about as deep as it is dark. i am working full time, expect mostly activity 2-4 times a week, but mostly on the weekend. my activity will probably be quite low, unless i am off work. i will mostly be lurking and all sorts of dms / ideas are very welcome. ) muses: clive, joshua, theodore, terence, barnabas, (sleipnir).
MAIN STARTER CALL & INBOX CALL
MAIN BLOG LINKED TO THIS ONE. @tunichtgxt ( mix of anime and video games muses and all other male 2d figures nobody seems to know about )
OTHER SIDE BLOGS. @makoenergie (final fantasy vii mumu) @kriegsveteranen (fire emblem mumu), @schattennxcht (persona mumu), @weltenwxndler (genshin impact/honkai star rail mumu), @goetterfreiheit (xenoblade chronicles mumu).
DRAFTS: STARTERS OWED: ASKS:
FOLLOWING & DUPLICATES : NOT ENTIRELY SELECTIVE. I do not have to follow back to be engaged in a thread, but if i am very much interested, i will definitely follow (back). very crossover & oc friendly. too many crack posts and i will most likely unfollow again. if u follow me firstly, please have something in mind for us to interact.
duplicates tend to give me anxiety, so please don’t think badly of me, if i do unfollow because of that.
MAINS & EXCLUSIVES : I don’t practise exclusivity, it honestly takes the fun away from rping (in my opinion!). I might however go exclusive with my private muses. they don’t receive much interaction, so i wouldn’t mind for them to be committed.
mains however are very much welcome! please feel free to contact me to talk about being mains. It will give all our threads priority over the other replies i owe.
SHIPPING & NSFW : I AM ABSOLUTE SHIPPING TRASH. please know that if you follow me, i will most likely try to build a relationship between our muses based on mutual attraction and romance (darker manipulative/toxic stuff is good with me, too). that doesn’t mean shipping is necessary, but it’s what i like and i am not ashamed or apologetic about it. romantic threads of any sort will always have priority and while we’re on the topic, yes, i do prefer my ships to be extremely gay. all muses are per se bisexual with preference for males, but that doesn’t mean a “normal hetship” won’t excite me. it really depends on the build up for me.
i don’t care about pro or anti or whatever ship. it’s ship and let ship for me. you do you and i do i.
if you do wanna ship and we’ll get a ship going, please know i will most likely be very dedicated, might even tag you in something. I might become rather clingy, if the ship really has my heart. will most likely throw infinite aus at you and all that shippy cringy shit. don’t want that? you probably shouldn’t follow me in the first place.
and you might have guessed it, i do like nsfw interactions. they’ll be tagged as ( i.nsft ). if you ever feel like sending a nsfw meme but we haven’t discussed a ship prior to this, i advice you to simply send it. I’ll probably get excited about it and answer it to the best of my ability… cause that is the shit i like and want on here.
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The tags on your last post, about ppl becoming a tourist attraction themselves, are unfortunately so true.
My TikTok fyp is a lot of traveling and a tiny bit of f1 that I tend to click the not interested option on, so there shouldn’t be a lot of interaction. But every single hey if your traveling to the South of France you should visit x,y,z including Monaco for a day trip video, and truly every single one of them will at least have one comment going oh yeah let’s search for Charles.
The itinerary goes visit the Harbour, look at yachts, visit the Palais, visit the Casino, forget all human decency and stalk Charles Leclerc.
Also still speechless about how nice he was in that message. Truly unacceptable behavior and he still goes I’ll still take photos/ sign autographs if you see (harass) me on the street, just please don’t come to my private home.
yeah it really is insane like i do get a lot of monaco videos pop up on my fyp as well since i do like travelling content as well and literally not one of the "a day in monaco" or those monaco aesthetic videos can be without at least a single shot of charles. be it his custom ferrari or i've literally seen one with a random shot of him and charlotte at the pool.
and they're all doing that for a reason just because the comments will all be about charles which drives up the engagement for the op.
as for the him being nice at times i do think he is being a bit too nice but i'm guessing police probably got involved behind the scenes which is why he even posted on ig about it. but the thing is it's all carefully crafted pr and even beyond that because he does like the attention. obviously this crossed the line but i think he's probably one of the most open drivers when it comes to fans approaching him for anything.
the thing being that because he's so open to it the ppl have crossed the line waaaay too far and he's now establishing boundaries which is a good thing but this shouldn't have happened in the first place. unfortunately it's what comes with being famous and i'm hoping it hasn't negatively affected him and his family.
i just think a lot of ppl don't realize just because a person is famous and you're their fan they still don't owe you anything no matter how much they like the fame or not, or how much they are open to their fans approaching them. there are always boundaries that need to be respected.
#.ask#anonymous#hopefully y'all get what i mean#my cold is annoying me a bit so i feel like i haven't expressed myself well ajsbsmsnjs
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We don’t know how to speak with each other, and I’ll explain why
Ask yourself, how often do you talk with others? One conversation, three, or are you not talking at all? I have noticed that in today’s world people speak with each other less and less. Not sure about you, but my daily life includes a lot of interactions with gadgets and much less with real people. We shouldn’t blame technology for that — undoubtedly, it has made our life more convenient and comfortable. But what if we lose something important when we trade real interaction for online life and gadgets?
You can say that I dramatised and maybe you are right. On the one hand, I don’t feel that gadgets have damaged my social life a lot. I have a partner and close friends, but as a writer, I get used to the solitude of my only presence. Nevertheless, sometimes I also feel this eroding effect of the tech era on myself. While reading research and watching youtube, I have come to believe that many people today truly suffer from the lack of intimacy and significant relationships in their lives. Also, it seems that people no longer know how to communicate effectively.
When I say ‘’effectively’’ I don’t mean ‘’quick and productively’’. In my view, ''effectively'' means ‘’emotionally and deeply''. Do we really listen to the people we are talking to? Or do we just superficially chat about some random things, waiting for the other person to be quiet and give us a room for our speech? It seems that the latter is true.
The technological era has spared us from the necessity of truly listening to others. We got used to Twitter, Facebook and online blogs, where communication is mostly one-sided. Once you have written the post or the message, you have two choices about how to react if you don’t like the answer. The first is to close the site and ignore something which makes you uncomfortable. Second, you could argue fiercely with this person online, not caring about empathy and attention, because probably you don’t know this human. These choices are both comfortable, because none of them include listening, empathy and real engagement in a dialog.
You see what I mean? We have forgotten how to communicate empathetically and deeply, and technology only helped us in that. According to research, the average amount of time which a person can focus today is approximately 9 seconds. After this time, we become distracted by something — usually, this is our phone. This tendency disrupts our ability to understand others, maintain relationships and feel connected to a person or a community. In human conversations today, there is a lack of compassion and empathy.
Can we do something about that? Yes, but the answer is multiple. First, we need to start paying attention to how we disregard others during conversation. Usually it occurs if we are not interested in a topic or if we don’t understand something. In situations like that we simply tend to avoid conversation, or interrupt a person and try to give our opinion. We think that this person has a lack of conversation skills, whereas we are totally sure that we are competent communicators. Here I can surprise you — in fact, we are not.
Approximately 80% of the world population consider themselves as good speakers and attentive talkers. Unfortunately, they are further from their view of themselves than they think. We should admit that we don’t have good communication skills. And when we admit it, we can learn to communicate better. First off, it would be great if you really listened to what another person told you. What does he mean? Why is it important for him? Can you imagine yourself at his place?
Not listening to your companion and creating in your head the smartest answer is a dumb idea. However, many people do exactly that when they speak with someone. ‘’Which answer would be best? I can give him some excellent advice! When will he finally shut up and let me tell something?’’. These are the types of thoughts that many of us have when we speak with someone.
Instead of creating all these thoughts and ideas, we can simply listen. Don’t interrupt others, don’t create possible answers, don’t come up with advice and don’t try to share opinions here and there. This is the crucial advice: listen. It will help you understand, what does this person thinks, what is meaningful for him and what he feels.
Feeling is my second piece of advice. Don’t try to put all the words of your companion into a logical box. Humanity is messed up and illogical, that’s our inherent legacy. When you feel, you become calmer and more vulnerable, and people notice this. Feeling your own emotions while you talk and noticing emotions in others is a key to profound and rich talk.
Rather than rushing into giving an answer, we can wait and think about what exactly we want to tell. Instead of proving our rightness and intelligence, we can let another human explain himself and really listen to him. Rather than many meaningless and superficial discussions, we can have only 3 or 5 talks, which are sincerely full of meaning and interest.
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The Singer – Part Three
Pairing: Cillian Murphy x Reader
Words: 7,970
Warning: Smut, Some Swearing, Age Gap
--------
***Raising Suspicions***
Kurt was quick to tell Amanda about his suspicions. He was sure that Cillian and you were involved after he’s seen Cillian’s watch at your apartment, lying on his study desk along with an empty condom wrapper.
He wasn’t surprised, knowing very well that you preferred older partners and that he was the exception all along. But Amanda didn’t buy into his suspicions.
‘Common Kurt, you are being ridiculous. Cillian wouldn’t be interested in Y/N’ Amanda said, but Kurt simply raised an eyebrow at Amanda’s comment.
According to Amanda, you weren’t Cillian’s type. You were too young and too outspoken. In addition, she explained to Kurt that Cillian wouldn’t like your tattoos, piercings and your involvement on social media. You were completely different to Amanda, not just physically but also mentally. You were an extrovert whereas Amanda was an introvert. She was mostly quiet and reserved whereas you were loud and direct.
Despite Amanda’s comments, Kurt didn’t back down and eventually confronted Cillian when they were on their own.
‘Are you fucking my girlfriend?’ Kurt asked Cillian out of the blue.
‘Excuse me?’ Cillian responded somewhat flustered by Kurt’s question.
‘It’s a simple question Cillian. Are you fucking my girlfriend? Yes or no?’ Kurt asked again angrily, starring at Cillian’s watch again.
‘Did someone spike your coffee this morning or something?’ Cillian asked somewhat annoyed, making Kurt sound absurd.
‘Alright, don’t fucking answer my question then but, just so you know, since you are always trying so hard to stay out of the tabloids, it would look really fucking bad if you left Amanda for a woman half your age’ Kurt went on to say, catching Cillian by surprise.
‘You have issues man’ Cillian said angrily before walking away from the conversation, getting on with the things he had to do for the arts and music festival.
Despite Cillian’s immediate reaction to Kurt’s question, Kurt’s comments didn’t leave Cillian’s mind for the remainder of the day.
Of course, it would be bad if he was involved with someone half his age, especially shortly after separating from Amanda which was something that wasn’t even public knowledge yet and it was exactly this what made Cillian think about whether he should continue seeing you.
With these thoughts on his mind, he became rather distant over the next few days, not returning your calls and messages, only engaging into conversations with you when he absolutely had to.
You were frustrated by his behaviour and the least you were expecting from him was that he would talk with you about what happened between you. If he believed it was a mistake that you slept with each other, then you wanted to know.
Eventually, a week had passed and nothing had changed.
***New Woman***
After having been upset and frustrated with Cillian and Kurt, you’ve given up on men all together and, on a Thursday evening, your closest friend Emily and her fiancée Judy took you out to a LGBT friendly bar in Dublin.
It was cocktail night and Judy introduced you to a friend of hers named Kirsten. Kirsten was a local Dublin artist and photographer and you got on with her quite well immediately.
You spent the entire evening talking and dancing and you eventually had a few too many drinks and left the bar together with Kirsten.
Sharing a taxi together, you got quite comfortable on the backseats and things eventually got heated between you and Kirsten when Kirsten leaned in and kissed you passionately while running one of her hands between your thighs.
Her lips were soft and smelled like strawberries from the lip gloss she was wearing and you couldn’t resist but give into the kiss on the backseat of the taxi.
‘Did you want to come to my place?’ Kirsten asked when your lips drifted apart.
‘I probably shouldn’t…I have been making a few mistakes lately’ you whispered, knowing that Kirsten was, in fact, in a relationship with someone else.
‘It could stay our little secret you know’ Kirsten smirked but, despite the large amount of alcohol you had to drink, you shook your head.
‘Listen, you are gorgeous but I don’t do one-night stands, I am sorry. Perhaps we will meet again under different circumstances’ you said with a tender smile before allowing Kirsten to kiss you once more just before the taxi driver pulled up in front of her apartment.
After a short final kiss, Kirsten got out of the taxi and walked into her apartment while you remained sitting, asking the taxi driver to take you home.
When you got home, you quickly undressed and let yourself fall onto your soft and large vintage style bed which is where you remained fast asleep until 8 o’clock the following morning.
At 8 o’clock, your phone beeped and it was text message from your sister with a link to one of the bar’s patron’s Twitter Accounts…
******************************
“New Relationship for Y/N L/N with sexy Dublin artist Kirsten Lang??? It looks like Kurt Spencer is finally out of the picture”
*******************************
This was a nightmare, you thought. The last thing you needed was false information being out there about you while you were still dealing with your break up from Kurt and all you could think about was Cillian.
But, there was nothing you could do about it and, after digesting the news, you had a shower and got ready for another day of organising this arts and music festival.
When you arrived at the usual meeting spot, everyone had already seen the Twitter post and Kurt immediately gave you a serving about it, asking you why he wasn’t invited for a threesome with your lesbian friend.
‘Fuck off’ was all you managed to respond with. Still hungover and angry about the Twitter post, the last thing you needed was Kurt making a comment like this.
With your coffee in your hand, you eventually sat down next to Cillian who looked at you with a half grin on his face. His eyes were full of questions but he didn’t say anything at all.
‘What?’ you asked, annoyed by the way he looked at you.
‘Are you alright?’ Cillian asked concerned.
‘No, I am not fucking alright, ok? I am sick of this shit’ you said with frustration as you scrolled through the Twitter comments.
‘You need to be more careful about who you hook up with in public. Trust me, I speak from experience’ Cillian chuckled, referring to that one night a few years ago where he was caught by cameras having a night out with one of his female co-stars. The incident caused his first major fight and break up with Amanda until it became public that Cillian and his female co-star were, in fact, accompanied by his co-star’s boyfriend and several other members of the film crew.
‘Well thanks for the advice’ you said angrily, still unsure why he cared.
‘Was it worth it at least?’ Cillian asked carefully, trying to figure out whether anything happened between you and Kirsten
‘Nothing happened. We just kissed. So no, it wasn’t fucking worth it’ you said. You couldn’t help but chuckle yourself knowing how idiotic this all was.
‘You’ve got two choices here. Either, you set the record straight or you let it go Y/N’ Cillian said calmly, feeling genuinely sorry for you.
‘What would you do in my situation?’ you asked.
‘I’ve learned not to give a shit about gossip like this over the years. Personally, I would let it slide. But I can see that it bothers you, so get your manager to make a statement on your behalf or, like you young people do, make a statement yourself on this platform with the bird on it which I think is where the rumours are coming from, right?’ Cillian recommended with a warm smile.
‘What Twitter?’ you laughed.
‘Yeah. Or you can use whatever social media platform you young artists use these days’ Cillian suggested.
‘Good idea old man. I will make a tweet’ you laughed. ‘But tell me, if you don’t use Twitter, how did you know about it in the first place?’ you went on and asked.
‘Kurt has a big mouth’ Cillian chuckled.
‘Of course’ you sighed.
After the initial Twitter drama, your day working with Cillian went exceptionally well and you felt much better after setting the record straight on Twitter, having your followers and fans interact on your post and offering their support.
You finished up after about five hours, ready to head back home in order to have a lazy evening.
‘Do you want a lift back home?’ Cillian asked after you indicated that you would be leaving and were ready to catch up on some sleep. You had told Cillian earlier that your car was still with the mechanics and he could see the tiredness on your face.
‘No thanks, I will walk’ you said despite the fact that you were tired and walking was the last thing on your mind. You were trying to spend as little time as possible with Cillian.
Cillian nodded and, just like this, you were out of the door.
‘You know, if you like her, perhaps just tell her’ Janine, the administration assistant, said to Cillian after having observed his interactions with you for the past few weeks.
‘Excuse me?’ Cillian asked surprised and with a slight chuckle.
‘It’s obvious that you like her. Just as it is obvious that you touched the damn printer again last week even after I told you not to’ she then went on to say.
‘I am sorry about the printer’ Cillian chuckled.
‘Sure you are’ she laughed before walking off.
***Change of Mind***
Unfortunately for you, the following day, which was also going to be the last day of working with Cillian and some others on the festival preparations, was going to be even worse than the last.
You barely made it to the office on time again, not having had much sleep again. You were on to your third cup of coffee and had been taking pain killers all night.
‘Fuck Y/N, you look awful. Are you alright?’ Cillian said as you sat down next to him and, over at the copier station, he could see Janine shake her head in disbelieve. He just told the woman he liked that she looks awful. He was a hopeless case she thought.
‘Oh, thanks Cillian. That makes me feel better’ you chuckled as you took a sip from your large cup of coffee and popped yet another two tablets of paracetamol.
‘Sorry, I didn’t mean it this way. You just look unwell’ Cillian said shyly, looking over to Janine for guidance. She nodded in approval.
‘I am fine. It’s just the time of the month’ you responded quietly and with some embarrassment.
‘What do you mean?’ Cillian asked with some confusion.
‘She means that she’s got her period Cillian’ Janine chuckled from behind before walking off.
‘Right. Of course’ Cillian said, his cheeks starting to flush. ‘Why didn’t you just stay at home if you are unwell?’ he went on to ask.
‘Because my apartment won’t have any electricity until 8pm. They are finally fixing the central heating system’ you explained.
‘Bad timing’ he responded.
‘I know. I will go to my sister’s later for dinner. Although I don’t really feel like it. She’s got two young kids who are quite a hand full and all I want to really do is chill and watch Netflix’ you whined.
‘Well, if you want to, you can come over to my place. No kids there and we could get some food, watch a movie and then I will drive you home once the electricians have left’ Cillian suggested.
‘Do you actually mean that or is this a “come up for tap water” type of situation?’ you asked causing Cillian to laugh.
‘You just said you have your period so it’s defiantly not a “come to my house for some tap water” type situation’ Cillian chuckled.
‘Believe it or not, some guys are into that. It’s just that I am not’ you giggled, causing Cillian to raise his eyebrows.
‘I can assure you that I am not one of those guys. Just a movie and some food, alright?’ Cillian laughed and you nodded, knowing that this would be a mistake but you much preferred a quiet evening with Cillian than a loud evening with your nephews while you were battling your period pains.
Just as promised, after a long day, Cillian took you home with him after you cancelled on your sister.
He dropped you at his house first, showing you how the TV works, before leaving you there on your own for half an hour so that he could organise some food for you as his fridge was usually empty now that Amanda had finally moved out.
While he was gone, you looked around the living area and you noticed that all pictures of Amanda and Cillian had gone. He clearly had moved on.
Eventually, you lied down on the lounge, watching TV and it wasn’t long until Cillian returned with two large shopping bags and it looked to you like he was going to cook for you.
‘When you said food, I expected pizza or chinese take away’ you said surprised before telling him that no man had ever cooked you dinner before and you were delighted by his efforts.
‘Nah, I enjoy cooking’ Cillian said with a warm smile as he continued to unpack the grocery bags.
Amongst ingredients for risotto, he also bought a caramel fudge ice cream, a bottle of wine, a hot water bottle and very warm ruby red socks.
‘Please explain’ you giggled as you held up the socks.
‘The last time we watched a movie together, in your bed, you had your feet wedged between my lower thighs because they were cold’ Cillian laughed before running his thumb over your cheeks and then pulling away, realising that he might have overstepped the line once again.
‘Thank you, you are very observant’ you said, feeling the want to kiss him but holding back.
‘How about you have bath while I do this’ Cillian then suggested and your eyes lid up. Your apartment didn’t have a bathtub but you also didn’t see a bathtub in the bathroom you used the last time when you came to Cillian’s house.
‘I feel bad. I should really help you’ you then said, feeling guilty that Cillian was doing all the work.
‘There is no need Y/N. Common, I will run you a bath’ Cillian said before showing you the way upstairs to his bedroom.
‘You’ve got nice taste’ you said as you looked around his bedroom and observed the quite obviously new furniture and artwork.
‘Thanks’ Cillian chuckled as he grabbed a fluffy white towel from the large cabinet inside his walk in-wardrobe.
The entire bedroom was furnished with modern wooden furniture and only a little decoration. Over the bed there was a large painting of a landscape in France and the bedside lamps were almost contemporary or vintage.
Across from the large king size bed was a spa bath and, behind a nook, there was the rest of the bathroom. The entire area could be closed by a large sliding door or could be left open if you wanted to watch TV.
You watched Cillian put some bubble bath into the tub and then turn on the water before changing the lightening and handing you the towel, a t-shirt and your brand-new fluffy socks.
‘I will be downstairs alright?’ he said with a warm smile and you nodded shyly.
You got undressed as soon as he left the room and sank into the hot water. It was delightful but you wished he would have joined you for the bath.
He was very different from Kurt, caring and romantic and you wished that he would let you in, give you chance.
After your bath, you returned downstairs wearing nothing but the t-shirt Cillian had given you, your panties and the red fluffy socks.
‘This was so nice’ you said as the pain in your stomach had decreased. ‘And this smells so good’ you added as you looked what Cillian was cooking.
‘Before I put all this chilli in there, do you like spicy food?’ Cillian asked as you stood next to him, closely watching what he was doing.
‘I love spicy food so bring it on’ you giggled, giving Cillian a big smile.
***Return of Romance***
After you both ate dinner and cleaned up the dishes, Cillian had a quick shower before sitting down next to you on the lounge in a t-shirt and trackpants.
‘Still bad?’ Cillian asked as he observed you holding your stomach.
‘Yeah, it usually lasts a day or two’ you said and, without asking, Cillian got up and boiled the kettle.
Moments later, he returned with the hot water bottle he had purchased and placed it onto your stomach before indicating to you to lie down on the lounge and pick a movie.
‘Seriously? You let me pick a movie again?’ you asked as Cillian sat down next to you.
‘I know I might regret this but yeah’ Cillian chuckled just as you put one of the small lounge pillows onto his laps and rested your head on top of it.
Cillian’s hands soon found your hair and ran his fingers through it gently while you searched through Netflix.
‘Please, no’ Cillian chuckled as you stopped at Pretty Woman and cheekily pressed play.
It was your favourite movie and Cillian already regretted giving you the remote control.
About ten minutes into the movie, you shared some ice cream and then you sat up next to him, curling up against his chest watching Julia Roberts seducing Richard Gere.
You were still in pain and Cillian noticed, his hand rubbing against your lower back gently while you held onto your hot water bottle.
‘Are you alright?’ he whispered while you took in the scent of his aftershave.
‘Hmm, yeah this is nice’ you murmured, referring to Cillian’s hand massaging your lower back gently.
‘I am glad that I am not a woman’ Cillian chuckled just before he moved some of your hair out of your face which was when you looked up at him, starring into his deep blue eyes yet again while Richard Gere was taking Julia Roberts over the piano.
‘I always wanted to do this…on a piano’ you said quietly, causing Cillian to chuckle again but then lean forward, pressing his lips onto yours gently.
You loved the feeling of his soft lips on yours and gave into the kiss which was long, gentle and passionate.
Then your lips drifted apart and you looked at each other full of questions before they met again, this time more intense than before, your tongues meeting and moving in sync.
‘I missed this’ Cillian whispered as your lips drifted apart, his hands caressing your face gently.
‘So did I’ you said quietly before wanting more, kissing Cillian again, not getting enough of his sweet lips.
You spent the remainder of the movie curled up against each other, touching each other and kissing each other until, finally, Richard Gere climbed up Julia Robert’s balcony ladder with a bunch of flowers, admitting his love to her.
‘God that is so damn romantic’ you said as your eyes began to water, Cillian looking at you somewhat confused.
‘If you say so’ he chuckled before giving you another kiss and taking the ice cream bowls to the dishwasher.
‘I should probably get home soon Cilly, I am pretty tired’ you said as you got up, following him to the kitchen but not really wanting to leave.
‘You can stay the night if you want’ Cillian said, his hands on your hips, pulling you close for another kiss.
You nodded shyly before asking him whether he would give your lower back another rub. No one had ever done this for you before and it felt amazing, taking away some of the awful pain.
‘I could give you a massage in bed’ he smirked, causing you to look at him with some confusion.
‘Are you being cheeky?’ you asked, thinking that he intends to get kinky with you which was not what you were after while on your period.
‘No, I am serious’ Cillian said before kissing you again briefly. ‘Let me show you what these hands can do’ he winked, causing you to laugh and follow him upstairs to his bedroom.
As soon as you arrived at the front of Cillian’s large bed, you were quick to take off your t-shirt and climb on the bed, wearing nothing but your cotton panties and warm socks.
Cillian momentarily disappeared, getting some sort of body lotion from beneath the sink.
‘That should work I guess’ he said before he climbed onto the bed with you, his eyes gazing over your mostly naked body for a minute before he squirted some of the cold lotion onto your back.
His hands were magic, working your upper back and then your lower back gently before he leaned down, trailing small kisses at the back of your neck.
Goosebumps were forming all over your skin and you wished that you didn’t have your period as, otherwise, you would have turned around and make him take you on his large and comfortable bed.
Eventually, after Cillian had massaged your back for almost 20 minutes, you turned around to face him, relaxed and even somewhat sleepy.
‘Fuck that felt good’ you giggled just before Cillian took off his t-shirt and tracksuit pants and lied down next to you, quickly throwing the large doona over you both in the hope that you wouldn’t notice his raging erection.
‘Feeling a little better?’ he asked and you nodded before thanking him for taking care of you.
‘You know I could help you with that?’ you smirked as you reached for his crotch, noticing how hard he was.
‘Not tonight’ Cillian said as he pushed your hand away gently, knowing that you were probably still in pain. But, none of this prevented him from pulling you closer towards him for more gentle kisses until, eventually, you curled up against his chest, listening to his heartbeat.
‘Cillian?’ you murmured, looking up into his deep blue eyes once again.
‘Hmm’ he responded with a warm smile, his fingers running through your hair gently.
‘What is this between us?’ you wanted to know.
‘I don’t know. All I know is that I can’t stay away from you no matter how hard I try’ he responded, his tone soft and warm.
‘Then stop trying. I mean, why are you trying anyway?’ you chuckled as you continued to look up at him while playing with his chest hair.
‘For so many fucking reasons Y/N’ he responded.
‘Like what?’ you asked.
‘For starters, you are twenty years younger than me’ he explained and you knew that the age gap between you had been an issue for Cillian.
‘So? You know I prefer older men’ you reassured him.
‘I’ve seen the shit you went through with your ex-girlfriend. This is going to be worse and I know much bad press bothers you’ he explained, remembering reading the tabloids when your first long term relationship broke down.
‘I am willing to take my chances. What else?’ you asked.
‘We both just came out of failed relationships. I don’t think it’s smart to start dating again so soon’ Cillian said concerned.
‘Listen Cillian, I don’t expect to be your girlfriend or us going public. At the moment, you keep pushing me away every time we get closer and I wonder if we could just give this a chance. Let’s just keep it between us and see where it goes’ you suggested.
‘I would like that’ he then said before giving you another few kisses and turning off the light.
You were still curled up against Cillian and could feel the heat radiate from his body when you drifted off to sleep. Usually, you hated sleeping in other people’s beds but, that night, you felt comfortable and safe.
No one had ever treated you so well and you were happy with where you and Cillian were at and how far you had come after all the ups and downs.
You also remembered your relationship with Kurt. Being with Cillian was all so different to what you knew. It made you realise what you had missed out on.
You slept well through the night with Cillian holding you tight but, the following morning, you were woken up by an uncomfortable feeling beneath you.
You were quite vigilant when it came to your period and when you felt something sticky on your upper thigh, you got disturbed.
Woken by the unfamiliar feeling, your eyes drifted open slowly and you looked up. It was getting light outside which was when it clicked.
You remembered that you should probably have changed your tampon again before going to sleep and your heart began to pound heavily.
Feeling you wiggle around and moving the doona to the side, Cillian was slowly waking up himself, his arm falling over to the side searching for you.
But, you had scooted up and out of the bed which is when you noticed the two small blood stains on your upper thigh.
You quickly ran to the bathroom to wash them off and change what had to be changed but you knew what this meant.
You probably had gotten some stains onto Cillian’s sheet sheets as well and you weren’t ready to face this embarrassment.
‘What’s wrong Y/N?’ Cillian murmured as you returned from the bathroom.
‘I…I think…’ was all you managed to say as you pulled aside the doona and, as you had feared, noticed a small blood stain not only on the sheets but also on Cillian’s upper thigh, which was caught up in between your legs all night when you were sleeping.
You immediately began to shake nervously, feeling embarrassed by what had just happened.
‘Hey Y/N, what’s wrong?’ Cillian asked as he held out one of his hands, indicating for you to come back to bed as he was surprised by your reaction.
‘I am sorry Cillian but I think I stained your sheets and there is some on your thigh…I am so fucking sorry’ you said almost hysterical.
Cillian looked down at his thigh and the sheets for a brief moment, unsure about what the problem was until he noticed the blood stains.
‘So? I will wash the sheets and have a shower, who cares’ Cillian said with a raised eyebrow before pulling you onto him.
‘That’s so embarrassing’ you said but Cillian disagreed.
‘No, it’s natural. Don’t worry about it’ he said before kissing you passionately and you were surprised that he wasn’t bothered in the slightest. Kurt would have made a massive scene if you had ruined his fine cotton sheets like that.
As you were making out, sharing several kisses while grinding your bodies against each other to get some traction, you suddenly heard a loud female voice coming from the doorway.
‘You are fucking kidding me’ Amanda said loudly and in disbelieved as she saw you on top of Cillian half naked by that point.
‘Holy Fuck’ you shouted before quickly scooting beneath the doona.
‘What the hell are you doing here?’ Cillian asked somewhat angrily about the fact that she had just entered his house unannounced before getting up and pulling a t-shirt over his head.
‘Getting the last of my stuff. I told you I would come by over the weekend to grab it’ Amanda explained angrily.
‘Yes, and I would have expected you to use the fucking doorbell when you do’ Cillian said firmly before walking downstairs with her.
‘I cannot believe that Kurt was actually right’ Amanda said almost hysterical and you could hear her and Cillian argue from the bedroom.
‘Right about what?’ Cillian asked.
‘That you are fucking her. God that’s so disgusting, you know that? She is almost half your age…trading me in for a younger model, that’s something I never expected’ Amanda said with anger.
‘I didn’t trade you in for anyone Amanda. We broke up because you couldn’t get over your fucking jealousy’ Cillian explained.
‘Well, it was warranted it seems’ Amanda said.
‘I never fucking cheated on you’ Cillian yelled and it was at this point that Amanda began to shout, calling you and Cillian names.
Eventually, Cillian kicked Amanda out of his house and immediately called a locksmith before driving you home.
***First Date***
You didn’t expect to hear from Cillian for the remainder of the day, especially in light of what happened with Amanda and the fact that he told you last night that he wasn’t sure where this was going between you. But, to your surprise, at around 2 o’clock you received a call from him.
During the call, Cillian asked whether you felt like going for dinner with him at restaurant near your house.
Was this a date, you wondered? It sure sounded like a date. If it was a date, did it mean that he no longer cared about the implications he was concerned about previously after your talk last night?
You sure wanted to find out and accepted Cillian’s offer to take you for dinner and he picked you up at 6 o’clock, nice and early so that you had enough time to watch a movie at your place afterwards.
The restaurant was rather busy and Cillian had booked a nice booth in the corner, giving you some privacy.
He ordered a bottle of wine while you looked through the menu for some tapas to share. You enjoyed the same type of food and it was easy for you to agree on the dishes.
‘So, is this a date?’ you asked Cillian after the waitress had taken your order.
‘I suppose’ he chuckled before he took your hands into his, sharing a tender moment with you.
‘Good, because I was worried that our run in with Amanda this morning put you off a little. I’ve heard what she said to you’ you said quietly, knowing about Cillian’s reluctance when it came to dating you, a woman twenty years his junior.
‘If anything, it made me care even less about the reservations I have about us’ Cillian explained.
‘Well, hopefully, those reservations will disappear completely when you realise how awesome I am’ you joked just before the waitress brought out the first dish.
You enjoyed your dinner and wine despite the fact that a group of girls on a table nearby were watching you. You tried hard not to care, but the giggling and whispering bothered you more than it would usually have when you were out with someone else.
Eventually, one of the women from the table came over just as you and Cillian were about to leave, asking Cillian for photo which he declined politely.
The restaurant was only a short stroll from your apartment and you were ready to get your comfortable clothes on and watch a movie with Cillian.
Shortly after you arrived at your apartment, you got changed into a nightie, poured two glasses of wine and asked Cillian whether he could get the lighter from the top draw of your bedside table so that you could light some candles.
As you put the two glasses of wine onto your coffee table, you heard a loud buzzing coming from besides your bed and you recognised the sound immediately.
‘Cillian!’ you shouted as you watched Cillian play with one of your vibrators, a big grin running over his face.
‘Give it here. I said top draw, not bottom draw’ you chuckled as you took the vibrator out of his hand.
‘How does it work? It clearly won’t fit inside you’ he asked curiously, his grin getting bigger.
‘It’s called a wand and it is for clitoral stimulation only. I actually never used it because it’s too intense. My sister talked me into it, saying it’s the best thing ever. But I don’t know’ you explained, your face flushing with embarrassment.
‘Sounds interesting’ Cillian chuckled, which is when you noticed that Cillian had already lid the candles on your beside table.
‘Not really’ you said before you shuffed the vibrator back into the draw and, just as you came up, Cillian crashed his lips onto yours.
‘There are other things I’ve found in your draw’ Cillian said after your lips drifted apart and before he reached for the handcuffs and satin blindfold in your bedside table and threw them onto your bed.
‘Cillian, remember, I’ve got my period’ you giggled just as Cillian pulled your nightie over your head, leaving you in nothing but your panties.
‘I am aware. Just let me make you feel good’ he said, grinning again before pushing you onto the bed and hoovering over you.
‘Cillian, I am serious’ you giggled, his teeth grazing your neck gently.
‘Don’t worry, your panties are staying on and I promise that I won’t touch you down there’ he said reassuringly and, whilst you had no idea how he would get you off without touching your most intimate body part, you agreed and reluctantly lifted your hands over your head and allowed Cillian to tie your wrists against the bedhead with your leather cuffs.
Cillian then gently placed the blindfolds over your eyes, carefully tying the knot behind your head without catching your hair in between it.
You trusted him. Yet it was difficult for you to relax especially since, all of a sudden, you heard a familiar loud bussing sound again.
‘No no no, this vibrator is too intense. I never….oh my fucking god’ you moaned as you threw your head back into the pillow and arched your back as soon as the vibrator hit your clit through your thin cotton panties.
‘Fuck that’s sexy’ Cillian observed as he watched you squirm against your restraints and moan as he moved the vibrator over your clit in circle motions.
‘Don’t move’ he then chuckled as he placed the vibrator onto your clit and resting the handle on your stomach. You felt the weight on your bed lightening and heard him get up, walking away from you momentarily.
‘Fuck Cillian…don’t leave me like this’ you protested just before you heard the door of the fridge opening. What was he doing? Getting himself a beer?
Then, finally, you could feel his weight on the mattress again, right next to you.
His hands began to roam over your breasts and stomach while he pushed the wand back against your clit more firmly after tuning it up a notch.
‘No no no….oh god’ you moaned, your legs squirming.
‘If you do not stay still on your own, I will tie your legs up too’ Cillian said cheekily before pulling on each of your nipple piercings slightly. He knew that you loved it when he did this, subjecting you to this little bit of pain.
You inhaled sharply, wanting him to pull them again, but Cillian had other ideas and it wasn’t long until you felt something extremely cold on your left nipple.
‘Fuck, Cillian’ you moaned as ice cold water began to run down your left breast while he turned up the setting of the vibrator again.
The ice cold feeling soon moved to your right nipple, running down from it over your stomach like a cold stream of water. By this time it was obvious to you that it was an ice cube which Cillian had placed into his mouth and which he was running over your breasts.
You could feel it melt slowly and the cold water ran all the way to your belly button followed by his hot breath.
Then, you could feel the entire ice cube slid down your stomach and all the way to the hem of your panties while, again, Cillian turned up the vibrator, reaching its highest setting.
‘Holy Christ’ you inhaled, trying as hard as you could to stay still.
You were close to climaxing and Cillian had to hold you down, securing your thighs so that you were unable to squirm away.
‘Oh fuck yes’ you screamed as, finally, your orgasm washed over you and you had no choice but to give into the sensation.
It was at this point that you heard a knock on the wall from the apartment beside yours, causing Cillian to chuckle as you had told him about the letter you received from your neighbour last week complaining about the noise level from your apartment when Cillian visited you the last time.
You eventually came down from your high and Cillian released his tight grip on you and turned off the vibrator before taking off your blindfolds and untying you from the bed.
‘Feeling better?’ he asked and, surprisingly, you did.
With a quick nod and thanks, you pulled Cillian on top of you for a passionate kiss before pushing him down onto the mattress beneath you.
Without words, you looked at him and suggestively bit your lips before reaching for his black Calvin Klein briefs and pulling them down.
‘You know I just love your cock…it’s fucking perfect’ you smirked as you starred at his erection before separating his legs, bending his knees up and taking your place between them.
Cillian scooted himself up in the bed so that he could watch you and you leaned forward to kiss him, loving and deep, before making your decent on his perfectly toned body.
When you finally reached his hard shaft, you kissed the tip of his cock suggestively before collecting his precum with your tongue.
Cillian’s hands knew what to do to help you now and he gathered up your hair and hold it out of the way as you lowered your head and take his cock into your mouth, moaning as your mouth is filled.
Cillian groaned as you finally took all of his length into your mouth and down your throat. You wanted to devour him and you took your time about it, pleasure slowly building, pressure teased and growing as you kept bobbing your head up and down.
Looking up at him while you wrapped your lips around his hard member turned him on incredibly and it didn’t take long for his breathing to become laboured.
By this point, his legs straighten, splayed out on either side of you while the frequency of his moans and groans increased.
You knew Cillian was getting close and you loved watching him moan with a slightly open mouth while you slowly and deliberately wrap your lips tightly on the head of his cock and take him deep into your throat again, all the way to the base.
Your eyes close on their own with the sensation and greed you feel and each time you rise you look into Cillian’s deep blue eyes, stopping to let him watch as you flick your tongue all over his frenulum and swollen pink tip.
His face suddenly changed and his mouth contorts. Cillian’s hands tighten, no longer simply holding your long hair out of the way but gripping your head with handfuls of your hair in both hands right at the scalp. He took control, pushing your head down hard, his cock filling your throat before letting go of you again.
‘Again’ you moaned, loving the way he takes charge and he complied with your request, grabbing your hair again and making you take his length all the way into your throat.
‘Fuck Y/N, I am close’ he moaned and, with him thrusting into your mouth and you bobbing your head at the same time, it wasn’t long until you felt it, the unmistakable spurt of cum into your mouth as his body is finally released.
You could taste him, feeling the slick cream on your tongue, holding it in your mouth as you milk the last drops. Then looking up, you see Cillian’s beautiful sexy smile and flushed cheeks, open your mouth and show him the cum pooled on your tongue.
Another groan escaped him as he watched you hold it, tilting your head back slightly while some drips escaped you and ran over your chin.
Looking at his face, completely turned on by what you were doing, you smiled wickedly and very deliberately closed your lips, looked at him, and swallowed.
‘God, why are you so fucking sexy?’ Cillian asked just as you moved up towards him and pressed your lips onto his.
‘I don’t know, I just am’ you winked before sharing another passionate kiss while his hands were roaming over your back.
After some pillow talk, you eventually curled up against Cillian, running your fingers through his chest hair while his right hand gently touched your cheek.
It didn’t take either of you long to fall asleep and you were still curled up against each other the next morning when you heard a loud knock on the door.
***Meeting June***
‘Will we ever be able to just wake up next to each other without being interrupted?’ Cillian growled as he turned over, ignoring the knock on the door completely. He was clearly not a morning person.
You jumped up quickly and threw on Cillian’s t-shirt which, the night before, had found it’s way to the floor besides your bed.
Wearing nothing but the t-shirt, some purple cotton panties and giant plush socks with small bunny rabbits on it, you walked to the door and opened it, thinking that, surely, it was just a delivery. Your local postman had a habit of arriving early and you were considering getting a postal box soon.
‘Good Morning Sis’ June said and it took you a few seconds to rub your eyes yawn before realising that you probably shouldn’t let her inside with Cillian lying in your bed completely naked.
But your sister didn’t ask for permission and barged inside, putting a bag of croissants and two coffees on to the kitchen counter.
‘What are you doing here?’ you asked surprised as she hung up her coat.
‘I know how shit you feel when you get your period and you didn’t come by the other night so I wanted to check on you, that’s all’ June explained just as she was walking through your loft, not having noticed Cillian yet as part of the view of the bed was covered by a large industrial style bookshelf.
‘Now is not a very good time’ you said nervously which was when she noticed clothes scattered across the floor.
‘Oh shit’ she giggled just before she bluntly looked past the large bookshelf.
‘Morning June’ Cillian chuckled just as he reached down to the floor to retrieve his briefs before pulling them beneath the doona and trying to discretely put them back on.
‘Holy fuck’ June shouted, her jaw dropping to the floor.
‘Jupp, swearing runs in the family’ Cillian chuckled before getting up from beneath the doona, wearing nothing but his black Calvin Klein briefs.
With a grin on his face, he walked over towards you and gave you a quick kiss before taking your coffee from your hand, taking a sip and telling you that he will go and have a quick shower.
He quickly retrieved his jeans from the floor and disappeared into the bathroom all while your sister’s eyes followed his every move.
‘Stop looking at him’ you demanded, giving your sister a nudge as it was obvious to you that she was checking out Cillian’s ass.
‘How the fuck did this happen? Did I just dream this?’ she asked as you were shyly drinking your coffee with some embarrassment, unsure how to answer her question.
‘Oh my god, he is the guy you were telling me about. This all makes sense now’ June said and you confirmed her suspicions and told her that you’ve resolved your differences.
You trusted your sister and told her about what you had discussed with Cillian the night before and that you were at his house, which is why you cancelled on her.
Eventually, Cillian came out of the bathroom, wearing his tight black jeans but not much else.
Your sister looked at him with some excitement, not even ashamed for drooling over the man you were involved with.
You noticed immediately, giving her another nudge just as Cillian stole the rest of your coffee.
‘Can you put your shirt on please’ you eventually said before handing Cillian one of the croissants and the jam from your fridge.
‘Well, I would, but you are wearing it’ Cillian reminded you, unbothered by the fact that your sister was in the same room.
You quickly disappeared behind the bookshelf and changed into your own clothes before handing Cillian his t-shirt and your sister sighed with some disappointment as he put it on.
Despite the fact that he had met your sister already, he felt somewhat awkward with your sister around and, after putting on his t-shirt, he left your apartment in order to get some more coffees, allowing you to update your sister on the situation.
While he was out, waiting for his coffee order at the nearby coffee shop, he received a call from his agent drawing his attention to a quite unfavourable article which had just appeared online, less than 30 minutes ago.
**************
OK! Magazine News
Cillian Murphy following the Hollywood Trend?
Rumours have emerged suggesting a developing relationship between actor Cillian Murphy (43) and singer/songwriter Y/N L/N (23). This comes after Murphy has only last month been spotted at a Dublin fundraising event with long term girlfriend Amanda Winter and L/N was rumoured to be involved with local artist Kirsten Mann after having been spotted leaving Soho Bar together as little as three nights ago.
Music producer Kurt Meskin confirmed the break up from singer and songwriter girlfriend Y/N L/N earlier yesterday and revealed that the break up was due to a romance unfolding between Y/N L/N and actor Cillian Murphy. It is unclear how Kirsten Mann is involved and Meskin wasn’t able to comment on Mann’s relationship with L/N’s.
Murphy and L/N have been working together with others, including Meskin, on the United Arts and Music Festival since earlier this year. The festival is set to take place later this year and will feature L/N as well as Murphy’s long term girlfriend Amanda Winter.
Meskin said that he was saddened by L/N’s actions but has accepted her decision.
‘There is not much I can do. Unfortunately, these things happen but it’s simply sad to know that not only one, but two relationships have been destroyed by her actions’ Meskin said when referring to what sounds like an affair between L/N and Murphy.
It is not clear whether Murphy and Winter have since separated but it appears to be likely as L/N and Murphy were spotted in front of Le Maison Restaurant in Dublin late yesterday evening.
The picture appeared on Twitter shortly after the date night between Murphy and L/N and has since received a large number of comments as fans question what happened with Amanda Winter and criticise the twenty year ago gap between Murphy and L/N.
“Perhaps he’s following into the footsteps of other Hollywood actors like DiCaprio who like their girlfriends much younger” one person commented on Twitter.
Neither L/N or Murphy have commented on the rumours but, with L/N’s social media presence, it is probably just a matter of time until a statement is received.
Tag List (Cillian):
@lilymurphy03 @deefigs @theflamecrystal @desperate-and-broken @weepingstudentfishhorse @livinginfantaxy @rosey1981 @atomicsoulcollecto @peakyboyslover @nerdy4itall @elenavampire21 @hanster1998 @mariapaiva13 @fairypitou @harry-is-my-sunflower @zozeebo @lauren-raines-x @kasaikawa @littlewierdalien @sad-huffle-nerd @theflamecrystal @peakymalfoyscullymulder @themissthang @0ghostwriter0 @stylescanbeatmyback @1-800-peakyblinders @datewithgianni @momoneymolife @ntmynouis @lilymurphy03 @mcntsee@cloudofdisney @missymurphy1985 @peakymalfoyscullymulder @otterly-fey janelongxox @uchihacumdump
Cannot Tag (please check your settings):
@l0tsofpennies @margoo0 @trolleydolly @avonlady1985 @chrisevanshoeee @daydreamingnymph @fookingshelby @chocolatehalo
#cillian murphy#cillian murphy smut#Cillian Murphy x Reader#cillian murphy imagine#cillian murphy x you#cillian murphy x y/n
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Green Sky Highway
Phic Phight Phic for @deuynndoodles
.
The Fenton Ecto Cell Bettery (aka the Better Battery) was designed to draw power from not only an internal, pre-charged store of ectoplasm, but also from ambient, atmospheric ectoplasm. This meant that it would never run out of juice so long as it was in the Ghost Zone. The Specter Speeder was designed to travel in the Ghost Zone. Thus, the Betteries were the perfect power source for it. In theory.
In practice… Well, that just wasn’t working out, and Maddie didn’t know why. She gripped the underside of the dash and tried to push herself deeper beneath it to get a better view of the machinery.
“Maddie? You see anything?” asked Jack, who couldn’t fit under the dash. He’d been inspecting as much of the engine as he could from the inside, which wasn’t much. The Speeder wasn’t designed to be serviced while free-floating in the Ghost Zone.
Which, now that she thought of it, was a serious oversight.
“Everything looks fine,” said Maddie. “Except that it doesn’t have any power. Nothing’s lighting up, but all the connections look good. You?”
“I can’t get anything to work. Anything. It’s like… we’re in some kind of technological dead zone. But that doesn’t make sense.”
Maddie pulled herself out to see Jack vigorously scratching his head and shedding dandruff everywhere. “Ghosts do tend to disrupt technology.”
“But we fixed that. We designed all our weapons to work with that.”
“We know there are things we don’t know,” said Maddie, “and it’s always good to find new things! Though not pleasant to find them out like this…” They should really test their inventions more, honestly.
But it had been over a year of testing since they opened the portal. They had to jump in at some point, didn’t they? That was the whole point of the portal.
She sighed. “Well, we didn’t have a lot of forward momentum when the portal cut out.” She looked out the window. “We could see if we can get out and engage our jetpacks.”
“Uh, about that,” said Jack. He swung open the door to the jetpack cabinet. The empty jetpack cabinet. “I may have forgotten to put them back after refueling them.”
“Jack…”
“I know, I’m sorry.”
Maddie massaged the bridge of her nose with her mostly-clean knuckles. This was a repeat of the handle inside the weapons vault. At least he wasn’t pushing the blame for it back onto Danny or Jazz. That would definitely have started a fight.
On the other hand, there really wasn’t any guarantee the jetpacks would even still be functional, so maybe it was for the best. For certain values of best.
She groaned.
There was a knocking sound. “Is that coming from the engine?” Maddie asked.
“No…” said Jack, slowly. “I think it came from the door…”
They both turned to stare. Something moved outside it. They shifted to get a better view out the window.
Phantom was out there, tapping on the door with a ten-foot pole.
“That little unnatural abomination,” cursed Jack under his breath. “He’s going to scratch the paint!”
Phantom apparently saw them and waved. “Hey!” he shouted, just loud enough to be heard through the walls of the Speeder. “Do you guys need a lift?”
Jack and Maddie turned to each other.
“How did he know we were here?”
“I don’t know,” said Jack. “Do you think he followed us?”
“It wouldn’t be difficult, but I’m surprised he didn’t show up on our detectors.”
“He does seem to have the ability to drop off of them.”
“True,” said Maddie. “So, how do we handle this? Fenton bat?”
“I don’t know, Mads. He might be, uh, sincere? That time with the ectofiltrator he did help me.”
“That’s one, single, datapoint. He’s a been a menace every other time we’ve encountered him.”
“I don’t know that we have much other choice,” said Jack, nodding towards the dead engines and the empty jetpack cabinet.
Maddie huffed out a sigh, then looked back at Phantom, who waved again.
“Fine. We still have to decide how to deal with him while we’re cooperating with him. Or if he decides to show his true colors.”
“Good idea.”
.
Danny knew this had been a terrible, terrible idea the moment his parents opened the door to the Speeder armed to the teeth. Why did they always feel the need to do that? None of the weapons, with the possible exceptions of the Fenton Bat and the Fenton Crowbar could even work here.
How his parents had, on their first jaunt into the Ghost Zone, managed to run smack into the Time Locked Lands was beyond him. They had to go to the one place in the Ghost Zone that the Speeder wouldn’t work and after coating the Speeder with some kind of anti-ghost spray that Danny absolutely refused to touch again. Ever. Especially in ghost form. Except with a ten-foot pole.
(If they’d left the spray off, he could have just pushed the Speeder back out of the Time Locked Lands. But, no, they had to make everything as difficult and painful as possible.)
“I am not carrying all that,” said Danny, flatly.
(Especially because it would all turn back on once they left the Time Lost Lands, and if there wasn’t a Specter Deflector under all that, he’d eat his own belt.)
“Then we aren’t going anywhere with you!” proclaimed Maddie.
“You’re stranded in the middle of the Ghost Zone. I don’t think you have a choice.”
“We do!”
“I could literally just fly over there and snatch you right now. Plus, again, stranded. Do you even have any food in there?”
“Of course we do!” said Maddie. “We aren’t incompetent.”
Jack looked guilty. Danny decided not to bring it up.
“Okay, but still, you’re going to run out eventually, and then you’ll still be floating in the Ghost Zone with no way to get out. You aren’t going to get another friendly ghost coming by.”
“I’ve never seen a friendly ghost to begin with!”
“Maddie…”
“I can just leave, you know,” said Danny, planting his hands on his hips and bluffing for all he was worth. He was not leaving his parents here to be used as hostages or who knew what else.
Hopefully, they wouldn’t call the bluff. They shouldn’t. No sane, reasonable person would. He was their only way out of this mess. On the other hand, his parents had never been completely sane, reasonable people.
Danny thought his odds were about fifty-fifty. Which meant he could hope.
Jack and Maddie had an intense, whispered conversation. This, thankfully, lead to them divesting themselves of most of their visible weaponry. Which meant that they still had more guns on them than most professional soldiers during a firefight.
Well, it was better than he’d expected. But it was still too many.
“Take the Specter Deflectors off,” he said. “What do you think will happen if I try to carry you and you have those on.”
There was muttering.
“Come on, come on,” said Danny, snapping his fingers. Which really shouldn’t work through his gloves but did anyway.
Sometimes ghost nonsense was good for making lasers fly from your hands, and sometimes it was good for tiny aesthetic breaks in physics. It was a grab bag, really.
“Alright,” said Danny. “I’m going to fly over and pick you up. Don’t hit me.”
Oh, jeez, he was not looking forward to carrying them all the way over to the portal. Sure, he could bench press a school bus, but there was a difference between holding up a school bus for a minute and carrying two people who hated his guts a mile through enemy territory while flying slowly enough not to give them windburn.
Sure, it’d probably only take a few minutes, even then, but those would be the longest few minutes in his entire life. Not counting his actual death.
.
Being carried by Phantom had to be the single worst experience in Jack’s entire life.
It wasn’t the speed or the lack of control – he loved carnival rides – or the height – Jack couldn’t tell you how many buildings he’d jumped off in pursuit of ghosts – or even the fact that Phantom was a sinister specter, and ectoplasmic emanation, a putrid piece of protoplasm – he’d been carried by ghosts before, usually ones who were a lot more upfront about wanting to kill him.
Actually, Jack didn’t know why he didn’t like it. He just didn’t.
Maybe it was just how uncomfortable it was? But Jack did way more uncomfortable things. Like interacting with his sister-in-law. Brr.
Maybe it was the lurking feeling behind every interaction he ever had with Phantom that there was something he just wasn’t seeing, some hidden truth that would make everything about Phantom, every contradiction, every confusion, make sense.
Nah, that couldn’t be it. Maddie would have figured it out by now. That’s why they made such a great team. He noticed the things she didn’t, and she noticed the things he didn’t.
“You’re going the wrong way,” snapped Maddie.
Just like that!
Wait. That was a really bad thing.
“I’m not going the wrong way,” snapped Phantom. “I’m avoiding Walker’s prison. I don’t know how he didn’t catch you on your way out, but I’m not eager to be thrown in jail for a thousand years.”
“Ghosts have jail?” asked Jack surprised.
“Depends where you are,” said Phantom. “Walker isn’t really a sheriff, though. There’s no government behind him and he just makes up rules randomly so he can lock up anybody he doesn’t like.”
“Like you,” observed Jack.
“Why doesn’t it surprise me that you’re even wanted by whatever passes for the law here?”
“First, rude. Secondly, there are realms in here that are just as organized and civilized as any country on Earth. Just because you opened your portal into the equivalent of post-apocalyptic Detroit doesn’t mean it’s all like this.”
“I’ll believe it when I see it,” said Maddie.
“I could arrange that, you know,” said Phantom, stilling.
Jack laughed nervously. “Maybe another time?” The ghost would do what it would do, but they didn’t need to encourage him to bring them even deeper into the Ghost Zone. They were currently banking on Phantom’s obsession with heroics to get them home, but if they changed the equation… Yeah, Jack didn’t want to deal with the consequences of that.
Ghosts were like computers that ran only one program. One homicidal, destructive program.
It was like that thought experiment about an AI whose job was to maximize the number of paperclips. It’d just keep on making more and more paperclips until nothing was left. Which was why they had to be stopped.
Easier said than done, as Jack and Maddie had learned.
“You don’t have to be so freaked out,” muttered Phantom. “It isn’t like I’m going to kidnap you or anything.” He pretended to sigh.
What was the point of that? He had to know that Jack and Maddie wouldn’t fall for his tricks. Actually, come to think of it, he was miming breathing, too, and had been the whole time.
Maybe that’s why Jack was so uncomfortable. The constant undercurrent of deception.
Hmmm… something to think on.
“What’s that?” asked Maddie, pointing.
“Uh,” said Phantom, who did a double take.
Ooh, that wasn’t reassuring.
.
Danny clenched his teeth, his parents’ reactions to him weren’t reassuring, and even less reassuring was the way Pariah’s Keep had moved from its usual creepy location and to this new creepy location. Not that there were any non-creepy locations in the Ghost Zone. It was part of the place’s charm.
No, really. Some part of Danny craved the creepiness. He was half-ghost, after all.
(Even if his idea of creepiness was, according to his friends, sort of lame.)
But back to the main point. The keep really, really shouldn’t be here. And it was creeping him out.
It should be okay to just… fly past it, though, right? Just being in its airspace in the past hadn’t done anything bad. So, flying by with his parents in tow shouldn’t do anything either. Right?
Danny put on more speed, just in case. This coincided with a bunch of large ghost ravens (or were they crows?) dive bombing them and forcing him to land to defend himself and parents. The only land around being the rim of the island that supported the keep.
He knew something like this would happen. Maybe not exactly this, but he just knew he’d be attacked and everything would devolve into nonsense, and—
Huh. The birds weren’t attacking him, just his parents. Oh, these were racist (mortalist?) birds. Gross. Trust Pariah Dark to have bigoted birds. He called up a shield to protect his parents. Whereupon they shot him in the back, shouting about how he betrayed them to the birds, because why not?
Why was his life like this?
He pushed himself up off the ground. Starbursts twinkled behind his eyes. Neither his parents nor the crows were in sight. The crows could have gone anywhere. His parents on the other hand…
There was only one place they could have gone.
Well. At least none of the nonsentient traps would work on them, seeing as they were humans. What were the odds that they’d run into one of the sentient defenders?
Well… considering the ravens?
Yeah. That’d be about one hundred percent.
.
“Maddie, I don’t know about this…” said Jack, examining the tall, vaulted ceiling.
“We had to get away from Phantom. This was the only way to go.”
“But he came here for a reason, Mads,” whispered Jack, tip-toing.
“Yeah, this is definitely a trap. But what can we do?”
“Jack? Maddie? This is not a place you want to wander around in! Oh, holy—” There was a loud thump.
Maddie grabbed Jack’s hand and pulled him forward. “We have to get away from him.”
“Come on! This is a floating island! I’m your only way off! Why are you like this?”
“He has a point,” said Jack.
Maddie stopped. “I guess he does.”
“This is literally the worst place you could have picked to run away!” A sound like a very large door opening and closing reached their ears. “This is Pariah Dark’s place! Where did you even go?”
“Mads?”
“Yeah?”
“Who’s Pariah Dark?”
“I think that was the name of the ghost that sucked the town into the Ghost Zone a few months ago.”
“Please, guys! I’m trying to help you here! This place is ultra-dangerous! You could accidentally – yikes! – wake up Pariah Dark.”
“Maybe we should…”
“Yeah,” said Maddie, “maybe we should.”
“Phantom!” called Jack. “Phantom! We’re over—” The floor opened up underneath them and they fell into the dark.
.
Maddie woke to a dark room, tied to a chair. She noticed the faintly glowing ghost in front of her and jolted backwards.
The ghost wore a set of painted and engraved plate armor, a pair of lavender-white eyes glowing from behind the slats of its visor. A knight, of sorts, Maddie supposed.
“You…” droned the ghost in a painfully stereotypical ghostly moan. “Enemies of the king… why have you come here?”
“Huh?”
That was Jack’s voice. He was tied behind her, apparently.
“We don’t have anything to say to you,” snapped Maddie.
“Uh,” said Jack. Something twisted behind Maddie. “Are you a friend of Phantom?”
“A friend? A friend?”
“I’m going to take that as a no,” muttered Maddie.
The door of the room flew off its hinges. “Fright Knight!” shouted Phantom, pointing a glowing finger. “Wait, you aren’t Fright Knight. Who are you, and what do you want with my- With, uh, the Fenton ghost hunters? Who I don’t know very well at all. Promise.”
“What,” said the ghost.
“What,” said Maddie.
“What,” said Jack.
“Okay, forget everything I just said.” He gestured at the ghost. “Who are you?”
“My name is Paladin, my liege.”
“Okay, okay, cool, cool. I- Wait, what? What did you call me?”
“My liege?”
Phantom looked like he was having an existential crisis.
“Maddie was right!” exclaimed Jack, who couldn’t see Phantom’s face. “You did lead us into a trap!”
“What? No? I’ve never even met this guy before! You are a guy, right?”
“Yes, my liege.”
“Right. I’m going to put that on the backburner and freak out about it later. How are you- Why are you—” Phantom shook his head. “Why are you here in Pariah’s Keep?”
“It’s your keep.”
“Since when?”
“Say what now?” asked Jack and Maddie at once.
“Look, this is news to me, too. But, back to the question. You. The keep. Why? I mean, you weren’t here before.”
“That is because Pariah sealed me, my liege. When you defeated him, I was released and immediately swore fealty to the true king. You.”
“I am so freaking out right now, but we’ll revisit that. Later. Right now, I have to get these guys home.”
“But they have hostile intentions towards your person, my liege!”
“Everyone has hostile intentions towards me. I’m honestly surprised you haven’t attacked me yet.”
“Ah. My liege, perhaps you should seek the services of a priest, if all your experiences with new people are such.”
“Is that the medieval equivalent of a therapist?”
“I fear I do not know what that is. Why do you ask?”
“Because the last time I talked to one of those, they purposefully picked at every one of my insecurities and then tried to murder my, uh. Someone close to me.”
“An evil counselor, then,” said the knight, gravely.
“I want to agree with you, but somehow I feel like you’re talking about something completely different than the image in my head.”
“That may be true, my liege. Doubtless, you are very wise.”
Maddie was… lost.
Very lost.
Even so, her prerogative was escaping. She started twisting, trying to get to the knots around her wrists.
“Did you, uh, pilot the castle out here?”
“Yes. I sensed that mortal enemies of the king, that’s you—”
“I will debate that as soon as my brain stops screaming at me.”
“—had entered the Realm.”
“Right. Yeah. Thank you. But I can handle these guys. And I need to get them home. Please. I made a deal with them.”
“With these?”
“Hey!” said Jack, offended.
“I mean, I use the term deal pretty loosely.”
“Hey!”
“But yes. Please. Just. Dang. How did you tie them up that quickly?”
“It’s a hobby.”
“Do you mind if I take the chairs?”
“They are your chairs, my liege.”
“I’m still not used to that.”
“Are you quite certain you want to take them? And just… Let them loose? The dungeon here is very functional. We even have an oubliette.”
“Raincheck. But thank you. Really, I mean it.” Phantom flew behind Maddie, and she protested as the chair she was in was yanked upward. “Uh… I might have gotten turned around a time or two, so if you could…”
“Of course! The keep does seem to have sustained some damage, so we will have to take some detours.”
“Phantom! Phantom! Put us down and untie us.”
“Nah, I think I like this better. Your kids can untie you once I bring you back!”
“You’re going to drag us all the way through the Ghost Zone?”
“That’s the plan.”
.
The rest of the flight was surprisingly pleasant. No one attacked, and his parents were much easier to carry in the chairs. Sure, they struggled, but the struggling was much more manageable than the wriggling from before.
They were mad at him. But they were always mad at him. So.
No loss, really.
With the utmost carefulness, Danny set them down in the middle of the lab, still tied up, and then began zapping then tossing their most troublesome inventions into the gaping maw of the portal while they screamed at him.
Normally, he wouldn’t do this, especially after successfully rescuing his parents and hopefully raising their opinion of him, but some of those inventions were painful. Like. A lot painful. And dangerous. Also, he was doing his level best to avoid thinking about the whole ‘king’ thing.
Which he couldn’t do forever.
Especially since Jazz walked down the stairs, probably drawn by the screaming, to see Danny shoving half of the Ghost Catcher through the portal sans-strings.
“Uh,” said Danny.
“Get that ghost, Jazzy-pants!”
Danny vanished and fled upstairs.
.
Jazz had seen many strange things in her life, but that scene was one of the weirder ones.
It took some time to untie her parents, longer to extract herself from the ensuing rant and their attempt to salvage their equipment from Danny’s all-too-explicable rampage. Honestly, she was surprised Danny hadn’t snapped earlier.
She opened the door to his room. It was empty. She squinted. He was not just leaving her hanging like that, with no context to what happened other than their parents’ ranting. She opened her door.
Danny was lying on his side on the middle of her rag rug, hugging Bearbert Einstein.
“A ghost told me I was king and that I needed a priest.”
Oh boy.
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What kind of person do you think lily was? There's a lot said about her in the series, but i have trouble reconciling pure, shining paragon lily with someone who would marry someone that spent years tormenting her friend, 4 on 1.
ooh boy this will be a LOT. i can't even promise it will be coherent but i'll make an attempt to be. (going under a cut to save us all the grief).
first off, i think it's fair to state that one of the biggest drawbacks of lily's character is how she was written. she is a plot device. she exists to boost other characters’ narratives: she's simultaneously the Rich Boy's trophy wife, the self-sacrificing mother of the Boy Who Lived, the best friend slash lost love of the Fallen Hero, and, at the same time, also no one at all. lily is a character with little to no background and character development that she can barely stand on her own two feet without any of the associated (usually male) characters to prop her up. it absolutely sucks but that's how it is. that's how jk wrote her.
given that and working with the scraps that we do have, my opinion of lily is...complex. i try to give her justice by trying to understand her context, the workings of her mind, and the possible pressures she was subjected to, but it can be challenging especially since lack of canon pushes you into a space where you have to put them in Either/Or situations. my opinion of her has also changed as i got older. when i was younger (i read the books waaaay back, as they were getting released in fact) i only saw her as an extra character (i was most interested in snape, if that's not obvious enough, but neither did i think snape was 'obsessed' with her as a lot of hp fans now think). i saw her and snape as good friends who had had a falling out, and that he'd probably had a crush on her at some point, and it got naturally overtaken by guilt etc when she died. then when i reread some chapters containing her, i was quick to put her in the Bad Friend camp. i don't think that now. i think that she, like snape, was a complex human being who made a lot of questionable decisions but shouldn't be entirely vilified for them.
my main thoughts of her that are kind of built on material from canon as well as what jkr has said herself:
- she was not posh. she grew up in cokeworth, in the same town as severus. i don't think she was middle class as a lot of fics portray her. i think the evanses were slightly better off than the snapes but they were all working-class, and living was a day-to-day struggle. the kids spoke in the local accent, their clothes were all worn and patched over, there were no green spaces or public infrastructure for kids to safely play in, and they were all mostly running wild about the town since all their parents had to work. food was something to be thankful for because there was never enough, and sometimes they had to share with their neighbors. that's the kind of setting i think lily and severus grew up in, although severus suffered abuse on top of it all. it's possible that lily did too because of the setting (post-world war 2, poverty, adults dealing with repressed trauma from the war, etc) and it wouldn't even be that surprising if she had been;
- she and petunia got along fairly well up until the point lily found out she was a witch and, as a result, became friends with severus. it's stated in canon that petunia had also wanted to attend hogwarts with them, going as far as writing to dumbledore to allow her admittance. her jealousy upon his rejection had festered and grown into outright hate that she projected onto harry as an adult, but i don't doubt that she continued to love lily even after her death and despite how she treated harry. i think as kids they had stuck together and were very close, but magic had torn them apart. suddenly lily had a world of her own that petunia wasn't welcome in, and that would have hurt. pottermore stated lily attended vernon and petunia's wedding or engagement party but james made a right mess of it. i think lily TRIED to maintain their relationship but external factors always got in the way. i don't doubt she had also loved her sister very much;
- i don't think she had any other friends. she may have had a lot of acquaintances but i think her only real friend, the one who saw her for who she really was, was severus, and i think, at a certain point in their lives, she saw that as a weakness and resented it;
- i think, from the interactions we saw in canon of lily with other people, that lily had a penchant to please people, especially the ones who ranked higher than her in terms of power dynamics - petunia (who was the older sister), professors (sluggy comes to mind, the head of slytherin with a lot of connections), even the marauders whose actions she defended. it's not necessarily a bad thing, but i've always seen it as her being borderline manipulative. i noted that she wasn't the same with severus (based on their conversations, especially the ones in 5th year, before SWM) because he's lower than her in a lot of aspects, being a slytherin and quite likely of a lower social standing. she could boss him around and tell him to piss off and he probably wouldn't have minded. she actually strikes me as someone who could have been in slytherin; a perfect arrangement, save for the fact that she was a muggleborn. i think lily knew her place and the cards she was dealt with more than anyone, but she was also determined not to stay there;
- this brings me to the point as to why she ever went out with james potter in the first place. i think her friendship breakup with severus was inevitable because they were in the middle of a burgeoning war and both of them were being pulled to opposite and opposing ends. as an added complexity, i think she also wanted to be better than being muggleborn lily evans of cokeworth, best friend of the evil greasy slytherin git, and her way out was to associate with housemates who were in the upper echelons of power. like, we don't even know what her life was like in gryffindor tower. ron was poor, but he was also a pureblood, so that may have saved him from ridicule. but what if you were a poor muggleborn, with a northern accent to boot? in the same way severus trained himself to be more posh, lily could have done the same and could have furiously tried to blend in. maintaining a friendship with severus would have ended in heartbreak as there were too many risks and it likely outweighed the gains. this was the wizarding world too which is much much smaller than the muggle world and relied on connections more than anything. openly siding with the marauders would have saved her skin and secured her a future (which, as we all know, was forfeit anyway but whatever);
- jumping to the jily relationship, i honestly think it was also not one that was meant to last. iirc jkr projected a lot onto lily, so i'm surmising jily reflected a lot of her own failed relationships. i think james and lily had a less-than-ideal relationship, one that involved abuse (verbal, emotional, mental, physical, take your pick, but at least one form of it), and i think she may have been unhappy in the last year of her life, living in hiding with none of her own friends (if they even existed) and seeing no one else but james' pals. her only light in that darkness was likely harry as she couldn't even see her own family. i think, during those times, she thought a lot about the home she left behind and, as a consequence, her lost friendship with severus. she probably missed him, and i'm sure she must have been very lonely.
in sum, i don't think she was the Virgin Mary figure a lot of hp fans paint her to be. imho she had her own questionable but utterly human moments, and i just tried to fill in the blanks as to why she would have acted the way she did. i don't think it was easy to be lily evans at all, and majority of the 21 years of her life was likely a struggle.
#lily evans#and the cards she was dealt#i wish we knew more about her tbh#ask#hp#also mentions#snape#of course
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This morning, I read an article titled “I went undercover in the sinister world of Meghan Markle hate accounts" posted to Refinery 29. The title gives the impression of a journalist disguising one’s self as a “Meghan Markle hater” for the sake of getting to the bottom of something. However, the content of the article is nothing like its title.
Before I go further, let me stress the importance of perspective. My post isn’t an attack on the article’s author. I’ve never even heard of the author before now, and I’ve no right or reason to attack a perfect stranger because I vehemently disagree with the content of their work. Making assumptions about someone solely on what they write is lazy and sloppy in my opinion. I may be lazy and sloppy, but a hypocrite I try not to be. Therefore, go forward remembering my issues are with content, not creator.
The article starts out explaining the origins of the term “Megxit”. It continues with other hashtags, conspiracy theories, and so on. The article even mentions various media platforms “attacking" the Duchess, as well as crude posts witnessed by the author.
Then the name dropping begins. First with Murky Meg, then Sue Blackhurst, then According2Taz, then Skippyv20 on Tumblr, then Yankee Wally. Eventually, names of Royal Rota journalists are dropped. Then people like Angela Levin and Omid Scobie get mentioned, with interviews from the latter. Instead of an undercover sting, we get a “Who’s Who" of Megxit, a few anonymous Sussex Squad quotations, and Omid trying his best to be fair.
What this article accomplishes is very little when it comes to objectivity. The title is a misconception, and the content essentially paints targets on the backs of the people the author carelessly considers “Meghan Markle Haters". The article reduces anyone who disagrees with Meghan’s behavior as racist, misogynist, conspiracy theorist nutters. So, not only is the content of the article sloppy and lazy, it also lacks originality. We’ve all heard this sad song-and-dance number a million times.
I guess at face value, it becomes very easy, effortless really, for outsiders looking in to reduce an entire group of people with similar views to the basic stereotypes as old as time. It takes very little thought, consideration, or critical analysis, to assume things because they seem to correlate. But correlation is not causation. Just because some people opposing of Meghan Markle’s behavior happen to be racist doesn’t mean every single opposing person is also racist. Again, lazy and sloppy.
Just like assuming every single Meghan Markle fan is also vegan, anti-monarchy, feminist, woke warriors is downright sloppy and lazy. This author has personally interacted with and found common ground with Sussex Squad people many times. Some even became social media friends. They believe what they do, and I believe what I do. We do not agree with most things regarding Harry and Meghan, but we do agree to disagree and be civil.
So, contrary to the article, not all people “hate" Meghan Markle just because they detest her behavior. It’s important to remember extremes exist for all spectrums. Every topic, especially those politicized or made popular by media platforms, have extremes. There is no denying the fact that there are people who hate Meghan Markle because of her ethnicity. Those extremists who hate Meghan for her ethnicity ironically do not discriminate, though. If they hate her for her ethnicity, they hate ALL people of that same ethnicity.
On the flip side of this coin, is the other extreme. The face is the same on each side because the face represents extremism. There is no denying the fact that there are extremists who see anyone opposing Meghan as racists. Extremists who, by default, view every issue in the world through the lens of racism. While racism is a serious problem that deserves no place in society, assuming racism is the root cause of every conflict is also lazy and sloppy. And the same could be said that these extremists do not discriminate, either. If they see race as the only issue for why people “hate" Meghan Markle, they see race as the only issue for most everything.
The problem with both extremes is when everything and everyone is reduced to racial identity, racism only continues to exist. A racist using skin color as a disqualifier perpetuates racism. Assuming racism is the only reason behind disdain for someone only perpetuates racism. Focusing on race or racism allows no room for content of character.
Especially when people defend Meghan Markle being the victim of racism with a racist rule. When opposing critics say “I didn’t even know she was Black" or suggest her physical features, her Hollywood CV, or past involvement with Black causes were nonexistent before she became a duchess or stepped down from being a working royal, the extremists on the other side often resort to the One Drop Rule.
Which means their defense for calling Meghan Markle “haters" racists, even though they might have never knew she was mixed race, is a form of racism. The One Drop Rule was borne from the Reconstruction Era post-Civil War. The “rule" essentially said anyone who appeared to have Black features were considered Black.
The One Drop Rule was the precursor and eventual backbone to Jim Crow Laws of the South. It was used to oppress and segregate Americans based on physical appearance. Considering most people who never heard of Meghan before Harry came along were ignorant to her mixed heritage, it seems grossly negligent to assume race is the real issue. How can one be racist toward Meghan when they didn’t know she was mixed race? This author wasn’t aware of Meghan’s ethnicity prior to it being pointed out (by her and Harry. Repeatedly.), mainly because this author didn’t care.
Like so many, when I first saw Meghan and Harry together for the engagement interview, I was more excited about a fellow American joining the Royal Family. After learning she was biracial, well it was even better. It represented change and progress. Does that mean I saw the Royal Family as racists beforehand? No. It means I saw them as exactly the opposite. Had they been racist, she’d not be a duchess. Her being American and divorced was more a shock to me than being mixed.
The point of all this is there are extremists on every spectrum. For a journalist to say they went undercover, when in fact they did not, to expose the true motives behind Meghan Markle “haters", only to find they did very little to really understand the other side was disappointing. Not surprising, just disappointing. This could’ve been an excellent opportunity for someone to take the reigns and make bridges between two very passionate factions. Instead it became nothing more than a hit piece.
The article fails to acknowledge the possibility – no, the probability – that most people who object to Meghan Markle do so because of how she behaves. The article only considers one possibility behind this “hate". And by calling the objections “hate", the article in turn defines all criticisms as hate speech. Again, unoriginal, sloppy, and lazy.
So here we have it, yet another article grouping and stereotyping anyone who disapproves of Meghan and Harry as racist haters. Yet again, another article name dropping people “deemed racist haters", essentially painting even bigger targets on the backs of those people. Like they didn’t already have enough hate mail. Yet again, another sloppy, lazy, article that never digs below the surface to understand why instead of assuming it.
This isn’t new, it’s just another slop drop from the sensationalism machine that has replaced fair, legitimate journalism. It would be different if there weren’t so many questions surrounding the births. It would be different if Meghan Markle actually lived by the example she so vehemently preaches. It would be different if Meghan Markle would make amends with her own family before telling the world how they should treat people. It would be different if Meghan Markle were a strong woman instead of claiming to be one.
But it’s not different. She hasn’t spoken to her father since two days before her wedding three years ago. She denies the family connections that existed before her fame. She ghosts people once they are no longer of benefit. She preaches equality and universal service while using her title every chance given. She and her husband criticize the “family she never had" while naming their second child after that family’s Matriarch. All of those are behaviors that incite strong emotional responses. Behaviors. And behavior has no racial identity.
A final note… hypocrisy is the main reason people have issues with anything. When one group of people tells another group to stop attacking a public figure, while using assumptions as their crusade call, it’s hypocrisy. One cannot say “if you can’t take the heat, then shut up!” to another without being a hypocrite. When that happens, don’t be surprised when the same exact thing is said back. If Meghan or her fans can’t take the criticism, they shouldn’t participate in it. We all have the right to choose. Just like if I couldn’t handle the criticism, I’d not be writing this.
Life is not fair. The world is a dark, cruel place. When we expect the world to bend to the will of a few, we are setting ourselves above the majority. A strong woman would know this. A strong woman fighting for others would also know that the only person responsible for how one feels is one’s self. External feedback isn’t responsible for internal turmoil. Internal feedback is. That is all.
REFERENCE:
Amoako, A. (2021 June 11). I went undercover in the sinister world of Meghan Markle hate accounts. Refinery29. Retrieved from: https://www.refinery29.com/en-gb/2021/06/10518195/megxit-meghan-markle-anti-fandom
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