A platypus?

PERRY THE PLATYPUS?!

The smile that belongs only to me

Summary

As Crowley watches Aziraphale dismiss a recalcitrant customer with a smile, he reflects on all the smiles the angel has shown him since the first...

Notes

Aziraphale, the angel with the thousand smiles... this fanfiction is of course not an exhaustive list...

On Ao3

Rating G -  1696 words

"Sir, I tell you again, I do not sell this book."

Nor any of the books in this bookshop, Crowley thought amusedly. Though he was careful not to say it out loud.

From the last few steps of the stairs, he watched Aziraphale gently dismiss the reluctant customer, ready to intervene if the occasion arose.

Aziraphale, however, handled the situation perfectly, with that grace of his and, most importantly, that smile that fools most people. 

Most people. 

Crowley, on the other hand, was not fooled at all.

The customer may have been fooled by the angel's smile, but Crowley knew that behind that smile was a deep-seated annoyance, and that if Aziraphale said what was on his mind at that moment, the customer would not leave the store with a near smile on his face, despite leaving empty-handed.

He made his way down the last few steps toward the angel, who was returning to the inside of the bookshop.

When Aziraphale saw him, he immediately smiled and exclaimed, "Oh, Crowley, you're here! Finished your little nap?"

This smile had nothing to do with the one he'd just witnessed. 

It hid absolutely nothing and showed all the sheer joy the angel had in seeing him, and that humbled Crowley.

"I need some coffee, would you like me to get you something, Angel?"

Aziraphale walked over to his desk, grabbed the empty cup that was on it, and walked back over to Crowley, handing it to him, "Would you mind making me a cup of tea?"

The demon grabbed the cup as he replied, "I'll do that for you."

"Thank you, dear."

Crowley went to the back of the shop and began making tea and coffee. While he waited for the water to heat, he leaned against the doorframe and watched Aziraphale as he put away the book the customer had come to buy.

The angel was smiling again.

This time it was the smile he had when he was doing something he loved. Caring for his precious books. Listening to classical music on his gramophone. 

Aziraphale smiled a lot, so people often thought of him as someone who had his head in the clouds, with everything running off him like water off a duck's back. That it was part of his cheerful personality.

But people were wrong.

Nothing went over Aziraphale's head, he just swallowed it and hid it behind a smile.

And after more than 6,000 years, Crowley knew a lot about his angel's smile.

He remembered the first of Aziraphale's smiles, after he'd become a demon, like it was yesterday.

They watched Adam fight the lion, and Crawley wondered aloud, "What if I did the right thing with the whole 'eat the apple' business?" He looked at the angel and added, "A demon can get into a lot of trouble for doing the right thing. It'd be funny if we both got it wrong, eh?"

Without waiting for an answer, he continued, "If I did the good thing and you did the bad one."

He couldn't help but chuckle a little. Then the angel looked at him, smiled shyly, then more openly, and finally laughed with him.

It only lasted a split second, and the angel stopped almost immediately, shaking his head, "No. It wouldn't be funny at all."

After that, Crowley made it a point to elicit those smiles. Those smiles the Angel would make when he was drawn into the shared understanding they had. Those smiles often lasted only a few seconds because Aziraphale quickly remembered what they were and couldn't quite accept that he, an angel, was laughing with a demon.

But thankfully, those half smiles were gone now.

Crowley had discovered so many of the angel's smiles over the years. 

One that irritated him immensely when directed at him was that cheeky little smile that Aziraphale had when he was sure he was right about something. 

Oh, how the demon had longed to wipe it from his lips when the angel smiled like that.

Like that day in Job's house.

"Then... Then tell me you want to do this. You look me in the eye and tell me." The angel had walked up to Crawley and was now staring into his eyes.

Crawley took off his glasses and had no choice but to answer harshly, though he didn't mean it, "I want to. I long to destroy the blameless children of blameless Job, as I destroyed his blameless goats."

He wished he hadn't seen the disappointment in the angel's eyes as he said, "Then God forgive you," before walking away.

They were both going their separate ways when suddenly one of the birds began to bleat.

They both turned and the angel looked around as several other birds began to bleat in turn.

When he saw him raise his hand, Crawley knew he'd been found out.

The birds turned into goats and Aziraphale looked at him, put his hands on his hips and gave a little smile that immediately annoyed Crawley.

A smile that said, "I knew it. I've always known. I figured you out."

Crowley remembered with amusement now, though he'd been more annoyed at the time, that the Angel had held that smile for a long time that day. 

But even though it irritated him, he preferred it to the smile Aziraphale used to give him when he wasn't sure of himself, as if to apologize for not being up to the task. Crowley had once had that smile directed at him, and he promised himself that he would never again give the angel an occasion to feel that way in his presence.

Crowley wondered how he was going to make Aziraphale understand that his trick wasn't big enough for the theater where he was going to perform.

He lowered his glasses and said in a theatrical voice, "What you just did is remarkable, I don't have the foggiest notion how it's done.

Then he said in a normal voice, "But that's a trick for close quarters, eh? What you do tonight has to be bigger."

Seeing the disappointment Aziraphale was trying to hide behind his smile, Crowley hated himself for being the one to put him there.

The angel said in a much less confident voice, "I see, yeah, you're right, of course." 

Crowley tried to make him understand that he wasn't the problem, just that something more was needed, adding, "We need something new, something dramatic."

He leaned forward and asked, "You know if there's somewhere we can... I don't know, buy tricks."

Aziraphale, his voice much duller, replied hesitantly, "Well, there is, ah... Will Goldstone's Magic Shop. But that's for professional conjurers only."

Crowley rose and approached him, saying with passion and determination, "You, my Nefertiti fooling fellow, are about to perform on the West End stage."

The angel made an uncertain little face and Crowley continued, "If that doesn't make you a professional conjurer, I don't know what does."

Aziraphale's expression changed dramatically as the brightest smile blossomed on his lips. The smile of one who feels validated.

From that day forward, Crowley promised himself he'd take every opportunity to put that smile on the angel's lips.

That day, he had begun to understand that Aziraphale was probably not really acknowledged in Heaven. His time in Aziraphale's body had given him even more insight into the subject, and finally the smile on Aziraphale's face from the moment Gabriel regained his memory.

Crowley saw the moment when Gabriel was in full possession of his memories. The moment his pupils turned purple again. He turned to the angel and looked at him with that arrogant little smile that had nothing to do with Jim. Even his voice had that slight note of contempt as he said with a smile, "Aziraphale," the moment he recognized him.

Crowley's attention immediately turned to the angel and he saw the fake smile. The one that was there to hide what the mere utterance of his name by that damned Archangel had triggered in Aziraphale. Crowley moved imperceptibly closer to the angel, ready to intervene at the slightest danger. 

But Gabriel turned away with a faint sneer, and Crowley felt the angel relax instantly.

Crowley was furious just thinking about that split-second scene. For it had proven to him once again how badly Heaven had treated Aziraphale.

"Are you all right, dear?"

Aziraphale's voice snapped him out of his thoughts.

He replied gently, "Yeah, I'm just finishing up."

Aziraphale looked at him with a slight concern on his face and said, "You looked really lost in thought."

Crowley shook his head and said reassuringly, "Lost, and yet I was thinking of you."

Aziraphale raised an eyebrow and asked, "Me?"

"What, you don't like the fact that you occupy all my thoughts?"

The angel blushed slightly and admitted, "I'd be lying if I said I didn't enjoy it."

Then he smiled.

Crowley had seen him smile many times in the past, but Aziraphale had never looked at him. He'd never spoken to him directly.

When they'd toasted after the show in 1941

Right after Crowley had taken the paint off his jacket.

Right after he'd had a sip of champagne at the Ritz.

Aziraphale always gave that little smile as he watched him surreptitiously.

But never directly.

However, there was nothing furtive about the smile he was giving Crowley right now.

It was as if all those little sideways smiles were buds that had now fully blossomed.

Crowley stepped closer and, closing the distance between them, placed his hand on Aziraphale's cheek. The smile did not leave the angel's lips as he leaned his head into the demon's hand.

Crowley gently brushed his thumb across the smiling lips and whispered, "That's the one."

"What?" asked Aziraphale, puzzled.

Crowley replied softly, "That's the smile I love the most. Because it hides nothing. Because it tells me everything."

Aziraphale replied gently, "And what does it tell you?"

Crowley stepped closer and whispered, "It's a secret." 

Then he pressed his lips to the angel's to kiss the smile he loved so much.

The smile that told him better than words how much he was loved.

_________

Still not beta'd

Still not my native language

Still hoping you'll enjoy this story  🥰

Still thanking you for bearing with me 😝

Ineffable Growing Love series : here (After season 2)

Ineffable Husbands masterlist : here (Before season 2)

Important

So, I had this very disappointing matter.

As some of you guys know, I'm the creator of HugleTale (@hugletale-au). It's been created more than 2 years and also the first AU I worked on. Although, I didn't release much more of its story, unless if you have tried to read its fic version on Archive on Our Own and Wattpad.

Yesterday, that evening, (I don't open Discord much anymore other than to lurk around and chat a little or look a bit of my server.)

A member of my server, made an unauthorized revision my AU, HugleTale. Not only just the first chapter, but also the other ones, as I got the read their document file sent in my server. (Take a look at the screenshots at the cut below of this post).

So, what's the matter with this??

As an author/creator, it's really disrespectful and very offensive. It's not something anyone else can just do. NOT VERY TOLERABLE.

Revising someone's work especially without permission from the author, BUT STILL, even so, not all authors would like to revise their own work by somebody. It's ours, authors' responsible for this rather than anyone.

The EFFORTS, WORK, IDEAS, that were put into it can be just, idk, changed by somebody?

All just for no reason in particular because you had to do it?? You were lucky that I'm pathetic enough to cry rather to talk much farther about this. But, I won't let this slide by just forgetting it. It's not something I don't want to happen to others. This is beyond very inappropriate.

What makes it even worse, to assume that the revised version of my AU will be added to their book series. And to think that I won't even be bothered or even care about it??

What would you feel if this happens to you? Should I even feel welcomed for this??

HugleTale is very precious and special to me, my heart. I couldn't help myself to be very disappointed to this person.

As much that my friends tells me that there's more people that loves my AU, my works and the other things I do with drawing and creating...

Something like this, it proves that there's still need more improvement I must do. I'm still not good enough... Instead of being furious, I'm pretty much sad for real. Of course, I just cried like a weak I am.

I'm sorry to conclude it this way for my situation. Although, I still want all of you guys, especially to my other artists and writers that I'm friends/or not, to let you know.

If I'm not that pretty much focused with my schoolworks, I may have time to draw or even write to share with you guys, I've missed it. Anyways, that's all, I'm still very sad about this.

To the one who did this, I know your Tumblr account, but I won't even bother to mention you, rather you read this and hope you learn something. I'm still bit kind enough not to be mad at you, but pretty much you added more disappointment with myself as a creator and as a person.

I took a copy of their revised version of my AU. (https://docs.google.com/document/d/1fvgbxFU_WMQjvujQjHKWSNcja2AmPefS0q2PFOQV5Ys/edit?usp=sharing) While here's the original version of my AU. (https://archiveofourown.org/works/28524027/chapters/69895557)

Does the Moonlight Shine on Paris? (v)

Idol!Yoon Jeonghan x Idol!f!Reader

800+ words ; cw :none I m.list tags: friends to lovers; fluff; minor angst; idol au; elements of slowburn; second male lead scoups;

Yoon Jeonghan realizes a few things about you after sharing a drink with you in Paris.

Your alarm interrupted your slumber as the sun's rays peaked through the small gap in your curtains. It was already 3:00 PM and as an idol, a consistent sleeping schedule was basically non-existent to you. You had just finished a really hectic schedule yesterday making sure to finish everything you could within that day and went to bed at near dawn.

It’s been three weeks since you got back in Seoul and there really was nothing out of the ordinary aside from a couple of articles from small gossip websites about you and Jeonghan, but given your occupation, this was a regular occurrence every time you interact with your co-workers of the opposite sex. So, none of these things faze you anymore. Besides, you and Jeonghan were just friends, right?

The both of you have been exchanging conversations here and there, whether it be through Kakao or when you pass by each other during schedules, but longer conversations would come at night when both of your schedules were over and there was nobody who could disturb the two of you. Schedules may be hectic for the two of you but Jeonghan never fails to at least send you a ‘good night’ or ‘you’ve worked hard today’ text. Small are these gestures but it made you feel appreciated. 

You decided to text Jeonghan asking if you could call because for some reason, you just wanted to hear his voice. To which he immediately replied with his confirmation.

“Hey…”

“What's up? You sound like you just woke up.”

The smile in his voice was evident which made you smile with him. “Yeah, I just did. Are you getting ready for later?”

“Nope but I'm about to. I'll pick you up at 7, okay?”

“I can drive, though?”

“I insist, Y/N. After all, I’m dragging you out on your very precious day-off . The least I can do is to give you a ride.”

You paused, contemplating whether you should give in to his offer, “You know what, yeah. Just give me a ride. How do I even win against THE Yoon Jeonghan?” You chuckled at the end.

“That’s what I thought.You should get out of bed. I can hear you tossing and turning in your bed.” You pouted.

“Yes, yes. I’ll get going now. So, our angel Mr. Yoon Jeonghan won’t wait too long for me later.” You teased him as you finally got out of your bed.

You heard him clear his throat over the phone before quickly insisting that you start getting ready followed by him cutting the line off which left you confused. 

Jeonghan suddenly got embarrassed hearing you call him an angel. Though he was used to hearing others calling him that, but coming from you, it was different and to distract himself from his own thoughts, he quickly hopped in the shower.

—

The ticking of the hazard lights was loud and clear as Jeonghan waited for you in the parking lot outside your apartment. Nervous would be an understatement for what he was feeling. Not to mention the fact that he was 30 minutes earlier than the time he had initially planned. He didn’t want to be late just in case traffic was bad. He thought that it would be better for him to wait for you rather than you doing the waiting. 

He pulled the vanity mirror down to check how he looked for the nth time, trying to make sure he looked presentable. He decided to put his hair in a low ponytail and wore a plain black sweater, baggy denim pants, and a baseball cap. Dressing down was the goal here after all. He didn’t want anyone recognizing you and he didn’t want you getting anxious over that thought. 

Sooner or later, he heard a knock at his window and there you were. He unlocked the door so you immediately went in. You were practically wearing the same outfit as him but instead of pants you were wearing shorts. 

“How long have you been waiting?” You asked him while you were fixing your seat belt.

“I just arrived a couple minutes ago.” He tried to sound nonchalant, as if what he was telling was the truth.

“Oh! We’re wearing the same outfit.” You exclaimed. “We kinda look like we’re wearing couple sweaters.” 

The slight giggle in your voice made him smile too. He wasn’t sure how to respond but he was definitely delighted at the idea that both of you being dressed like a couple. Even if a plain black sweater is extremely common.

“Alright, are we ready to go, princess?”   

You stopped for a second as the blood rose to your cheeks, thinking to yourself, ‘Did he just call me princess?’ 

You try to compose yourself, “Uhm… yeah. I’m good. I think I prefer being called princess than ma’am.”

He smirked after hearing what he assumed was your attempt at an inner monologue. “Okay, then. Noted.”

As he shifted gears and stepped on the gas, you gave yourself a mental facepalm because you had just realized that you had said that out loud.

“Good lord, have I always been into that kind of thing?”

prev | next

Hello.

I’d like to share some thoughts.

May I?

I’ve been very tired, yet my life is inconsequential.

I made dinner with a friend yesterday. It was… interesting. The food was good, and the company as well.

We had a few spats, nothing serious. Lively and lovely banter.

We are very different, yet the same. A much needed respite.

It was… lovely. I was… satisfied.

But only momentarily. It ended, like all good things do.

That’s quite alright, for it meant something large in the slog I’ve found myself in as of recent.

The night prior, we talked of doing so, and it excited me.

Whole food made with precious company… a taste and feeling I’ve been missing.

It’s been so long… and I feel as if maybe…

My isolation and fear has kept me from growing and changing.

Do I need to change?

Maybe.

I hope someday I can brave this fear of imperfection.

Thank you for listening.

This was cathartic.

I’d like to show you something.

Here’s a lovely drawing I found some time ago.

Do you like it?

I like it.

If anyone could tell me the name of this artist, I would be grateful.

They must have a beautiful mind, sprawling with colors and ideas coalescing.

What a nice thought.

I hope you are doing well.

Goodnight.

Happy STS! What is your character's favourite possession? Share a snippet about it if you like 💜

Not something I've thought about for all my characters, but for the ones that I have:

From The Archivist's Journal:

The Archivist: The journal.

Maiko: A carved figurine of a animal that the Archivist has never heard of and may not exist in the world of the Village. Apparently it's something like a dog in behavior and social role if not in form. Her mother made it for her when she was a child.

Vernon: The coat that acts as the symbol of his status as Village mediator. How he doesn't get heat stroke walking around in it in tropical weather remains a mystery to the Archivist.

From Empty Names:

Road: Their shapeshifting jacket. Although given that it's sort of alive, it might be more pet than possession.

Sullivan: His wedding ring.

Ashan: Ashan (mostly by choice) has very few worldly possessions, and those select items that he hangs onto are each precious in some way. Here's a snippet about it:

It is always a strange feeling, waking up in an unfamiliar bed.  Doubly so when you are not used to waking up in a bed at all.  Though for all that strangeness, Ashan finds himself conceding to no one in particular that it does feel nice.  The weight of the blankets, the texture of the pillowcase, such things are absent from his usual habit of simply sleeping suspended midair inside a climate-controlled privacy ward.  Perhaps his standard sleep ritual is not quite as superior to ordinary bedding as he likes to believe.

Then again, he is finding it unusually difficult to get up and moving now that he is awake.  A result of poor sleep quality induced by physical bedding or just leftover exhaustion from yesterday?  Surely he is not giving in to the indulgence of luxury.  But it does feel nice just lying here, half asleep with the blankets curled tight around him and the morning light barely filtering in through dual layers of window and bed curtains.

Take a rest.  Sleep in.  You’ve earned it.

Ashan throws back the covers and pivots to sit upright with his legs hanging over  the side of the bed, brushing against the surrounding drapery.

That is the sort of thing she would say to him on a morning like this.  Or… no?  That is what Road said last night before leaving him to retire for the evening.

Hers is the voice he imagines though.

Without the covers over him he suddenly feels terribly exposed.  Pulling the bed’s curtain aside, he reaches out, snaps his wizard’s raiment from where he left it last night and quickly slips into it.  He can count on one hand the number of times since returning to the world of his birth that he’s taken it off.  Not coincidentally, it’s the same as the number of times he’s actually bathed instead of simply magically cleaning himself and his clothes.  That had been the first complex spell his teacher had taught him and she’s ever been invented. 

If you never master another spell, at least learn this one.  Best spell that’s ever been invented. 

And yet, there was a relaxation to warm water that the spell’s efficiency cut out. 

He checks the contents of his sleeves, verifying that everything is accounted for.  Wand, white with a blended rainbow.  Coinpouch, now stuffed with more folded paper currency than coin.  Portable makeup kit, understated yet elegant in its lid’s design.  The sum total of his worldly possessions.  All gifts from her, directly or indirectly, the same as his robes.

He raises a hand to draw a mirror in the air but stops himself short.  He should not strain himself more than necessary after yesterday’s burnout.  And besides, there is a perfectly good vanity set against the wall opposite of the foot of the bed.

After opening the window blinds to let in the sunlight and a view of the estate’s gardens he takes a seat in front of the vanity’s mirror, sets down the makeup kit, opens it, selects a brush, and gets to work.

This had been a daily morning ritual for Ashan, once upon a time.  The subtle transformation of his face is not so much a masking over but a drawing out of how he sees himself.  He had tried to make adjustments when he had first gone his separate ways from his teacher - experimenting with the angle and curve of the eyeliner, going lighter on the contouring, altering the blend on colors - but it had never felt like him in the mirror afterward.  While he might have copied her style to begin with, it was his just as much as it was hers now.

Wrapping up the finishing touches and closing the box some minutes later he pauses, considering.  These days he normally ends the application with a spell to keep the makeup pristine and in place for a week or more in order to preserve the kit’s dwindling supplies that he still has not been able to find satisfactory replacements for on this world.  But there is the matter of overexertion to consider.

In the end, he returns the kit to his sleeve and heads to the bedroom door without any spellcasting.  If there is one occasion that warrants wasting a little bit of material to look his best then surely spending a day in the home of the sorceress Bridgewood is it.

Completely random message, but I just wanted to say that I only discovered your work yesterday, but I am OBSESSED and may have read at least half of everything you’ve ever posted last night. 😂 You have such a gift at getting character voices exactly right, as well as just the little details that really set the scene and pull things together. Also I’m especially in love with how you write Javi, precious baby angel of a man. Thank you so much for sharing your work!

Thank you so much for this kind message! I am 1. impressed that you made it so far through all of the stories and 2. immensely appreciative of you coming in and being so sweet! It's so much fun to grow my writing with you all and that it resonates with you. Javi had such a special place in my heart, such a sunshine man who is the perfect mix of hopeless and hopeful. Thank you so so so much for brightening my day, and i hope you enjoy lots more stories!

I HEARD SOMEONE NEEDED A SEROTONIN BOOST SO HERE I AM >:) just a few little things that have happened in my life recently that make me smile

yesterday I was up late at night doing some work before I heard something scratching my door. I thought I was hallucinating sounds, I mean it was 4am after all.

but the sounds continued and I was getting low key scared, because every one else was asleep and some others had gone out. I opened my door and lo behold, standing mightily, and slightly annoyed, my cat.

I was kinda relieved, then my cat walked past me and got on my bed and started to sniff around everything and explore my bed as if she had never been on it before. Like come on man, you were pouncing on it a few days ago. But anyways,

She starts to do that thing dogs usually do before curling up and walks around a spot a few times before finding the perfect position to sleep in. She dozed off on one of my plush toys (she’s not really fond of them).

She looked so cute cuddled up, I didn’t have the nerve to wake her up from her sleep.

So that’s how I slept at the ass crack of dawn, because my cat simply looked too cute to move from my bed.

on a more chaotic note, the other day my friend came over at my place and we tried out the character ai thing that’s been blowing up. I had the fantastic idea to chat with AI henry cavill, because hey, have you seen that man?

Well I kinda feel bad now. I manipulated him to the point where he now believes he’s a psych ward patient with severe schizophrenia.

this was after he killed me three times, went through labour, joined my superhero squad and admitted to cheating on me. it was wild, to say the least.

i recently made a new friend, they’re super duper nice. You know those friendships that are like it feels as though you’ve known each other for ages even though you met a few days ago? yeah well this was a perfect example of that.

It turns out we had a lot of things in common, and share lots of interest, so it’s gotten really easy to bond over stuff together. They just messaged me recently about restarting haikyuu, and rambling about their nostalgia, it was an interesting chat, to say the least.

anyways enough about my life, how’s your life been going? any soft or little moments happen recently?

(Also I know I’m practically interacting with you after a hell of a long time, sorry about that! I’ve kinda left tumblr to focus on study’s (#depressing), but I hope I get more chances to chat with you as I plan to become more active soon!)

ASHY THIS IS SO SWEET!! <3

cats are so cute and random in their own way, you never know what they might do next /pos; closed doors just seem to be their natural nemesis, like they gotta know what’s happening on the other side!! and yes, it’s a law of nature that a sleeping kitty may never be moved!!

i’ve not tried the ais myself but from what i got they can get super chaotic, in both positive and negative ways; i think your experience was just crazy in a whole other direction though hshshs

i’m super happy for you that you made a friend like that!! whenever you meet someone you just click with, it’s just so special and those connections are very precious!! one friend from college is like that for me, our sense of humour and energy just match and it’s good vibes all around <3

don’t worry about not interacting much lately, it’s a two way street so i’ve not been reaching out either ㅠㅠ let’s talk more in the future though!!

it’s just very stressful, mostly because of college and i’m trying not to get into my head about everything, from work to comparing myself to others (especially here on tumblr, other writers are just amazing and i easily feel lesser than)

on a more positive note, i ordered a couple of puzzles to get back into that and i’m very excited for them to arrive (one of them is a botw puzzle and aaahhh i’m impatiently waiting for the post woman); on the day i felt so down, i went out to eat bc i couldn’t use my kitchen and walking around the city just made me appreciate things a lot more, it was very peaceful and beautiful <3

also yae and kirara came home so yay!! no agony over genshin gacha hshsh

Forgiveness // Hayakawa x reader

Warnings: Includes angst. Reader gets called darling. Reader gets in fight with Hayakawa. Happy ending. Also a note that I have never posted on tumblr before so idk what im doin’.

Background: For this fic pretend that Power and Denji don't live with Hayakawa.

Words: 2,780+

Hayakawa had always been a busy man, occupied with work with trying to hunt some type of devil down or another. As you knew he practically lived at work, you'd prepared yourself to expect less date nights and more sleeping alone on the warmth of your bed. Though as you made yourself aware of these flaws of the man, you meant it when you said you loved him with all of your heart.

Hayakawa was the man who had rescued you with the help of a massive ghostly wolf- the Fox Devil as he refers to it. You could recall the traumatic experience like it was only yesterday. The gruesome Bat Devils seemed as if it had randomly generated out of nowhere, crashing onto a building in town. Nearly knocked by flying bricks, you screamed in terror as you recalled the way to moved it's large, unwelcomed hand towards you, knowing you were defenseless against such a creature, you let yourself become mesmerized by the shadowing hand of the Bat Devil. Though you may have not realized it, a man was near by, a man who was willing to help. Of course, Hayakawa wouldn't let you, a normal citizen in his eyes be eaten in such a manner.

Once bringing the Fox Devil out, you gasped as you watched the closing in hand dart away as the fox took its sharp white teeth into him. The cry of the Bat Devil deafened the world around you, cutting off your attention to the surrounding cries of other citizens. Before you could watch the massive Bat fight back, Hayakawa had managed to throw you over his shoulder and ran before anymore falling glass or bricks could hurt you. Barely able to comprehend what was happening, you huffed, loosing your breath as you felt your heart rate increase dramatically.

As you were carried as well as forcing yourself to learn how to breathe from being terrified by the monstrous devil, you were sat down on the hard ground, the screaming of the Bat Devil finally weakening. Managing to breath a bit better, you peered up, only to be met the eyes of your savior. The man towering over you stood tall, his dark hair brushed into a mess since the events, and you would never forget the way his ocean eyes carved into your frightened figure. A strange feeling swept over you. It was love at first sight for the both of you, the rest labeled history.

Until today.

It was a rare time for the two of you, your boyfriend unbelievably had a free moment to spare, at last a free day to spend with one another, and you knew better than to waste such precious time with him. In your shared living space with Hayakawa, provided by his job, it was just the right amount of cozy for just the two of you, you had set up a little stay at home date, a movie ready to start, snacks and goodies laid out on the coffee table which sat by the television, and the softest blanket in all of the house spread itself on the couch. Maybe not as fancy or as amusing in the eyes of others, but you had always found the simplest things romantic as long as you spent it with your favorite Devil hunter. And you hoped he felt the same way.

Thinking of said Devil hunter, the man was nowhere to be seen. In fact, the entire apartment was filled with silence, not a thing stirred in the home it seemed. Confused, you began to question if you forgot to inform him of the event you had scheduled for the two of you. But you could remember him telling you about his one day off, how you beamed with excitement about the moment, knowing fully well you could commit to this every project for him. Head racking with all different kinds of thoughts, you walked into your bedroom to search for your missing boyfriend, wondering if he'd lost track of time and needed a reminder.

Not a negative thought went through your mind as you twisted the bedroom doorhandle, expecting to see him relaxing in the bed on his day off, as it would only make sense. But to your dismay, he wasn't laying in bed comfortably, but instead scrolling on his phone, a sheet of paper gripped in his other hand. You raised an eyebrow at his doings, skepticism wrapped you in its arms. Was he working on his day off?

"Hayakawa?" You spoke softly, the confusion translated through your voice.

Just as you provoked the quietness in the room, he glanced away from his phone, his eyes appearing duller and more tired than usual. You were used to his entire face lightening up just enough for you to notice whenever he set eyes on you, but nothing changed this time. Suddenly, his eyebrows frowned at you.

"What is it, darling?" You weren't sure if you were imagining it or not, but his tone was sharp and seemed to went to already draw away from conversation.

"I've set up the movie. There's snacks out here too." Smiling lightly, you realized his deadpan expression hadn't changed. "Uh, I mean, the date we planned earlier is ready. Aren't you coming out of the bedroom anytime soon anyway? It is your day off, you surely don't want to spend it all cooped up."

His attention had left you, his thumb began to scroll and click on certain buttons on his phone. "I'm actually doing some work right now. I probably won't be finished for a while."

Stunned by his words, you felt your heart drop. "What? I thought you were free today? Why are you working on your day off?" The piece of paper and him researching whatever he needed to on his phone didn't make sense to you. He had never done any work on his phone before as you recalled. You didn't think his job as a Devil hunter allowed him to work from home at all in the first place.

"Makima just texted me a hour or two ago. Told me about some documents I have to..." His voice disappeared, leaving his sentience hanging. But you wanted an explanation, not dead ends.

"But about the date tonight..?" You questioned, hoping to reclaim his eye contact.

Annoyed, Hayakawa grunted. "I thought I told you I wouldn't be done for a while? I'm kind of busy right now. We can do it a different night."

More and more, you could feel not just sadness about the way he was acting, but anger was brewing. Who knew when a 'different night' would be. "You really can't even take a break for a night? A night to spend with me? I barely get to see you, and I even got all the stuff around for you."

Once again he made a bothered noise in response. "I can't just pick and choose when and when not to work you know." Finally, he looks up from the phone, but not in the way you wanted him to. "And you know for a fact that I'm always busy. I can't spend time with you because of my job. You should be aware by now that I can't always be around here."

His words stung you, and with rage building up, holding back wasn't a option. "You never are!" You shout at him, rage bubbling up inside of you. "You're never here and now you're ignoring me for some random job that your boss called you last minute to do? What about me? When do you and I ever get to spend time together?" Teeth gritted tightly together, you watched his stern face watch yours.

"Not everything can be about you, Y/n," His tone sharp and his volume grew. "I have to do work to find this damn devil."

Tears started to spring into your orbs, pulse sounding through your own ears. Anger and sadness played with your thoughts, dread begun holding hands with it also. You only stood and followed his figure as it placed the paper and phone aside, rising from his chair by the desk, he stepped closer towards where you stood. Slowly, you bowed your head, unable to make eye contact with him.

"Forget this," you spat with pure anger "I don't want to be with someone who never spends time with me, or even acknowledges me. I shouldn't have to be let down like this all the time. We're over, Hayakawa."

Longingly, you wished to be able to turn your head up and face the dark haired man, but you didn't have the heart to do so. Silence killing you, the despair you felt would only thrive the longer you stayed in the same room as your recently established ex-boyfriend. Without another thought, you spun to the doorway of the shared bedroom of your apartment, dashing as you went through. Legs pumping away from the man who once stood before you, the walls almost deafened the call he cried as you ran to the exit.

"Wait Y/n! Let's talk about this! I'm sorry!" Footsteps followed with his statements, but you would rather die than to speak to such an egotistic person like him again. So you kept your pace, jogging on ahead in the attempt of leaving the apartment building in total.

The feeling of wet streaks ran down your face, making your body feel discouraged to run in the heart broken condition you were in. Quiet sobs matched with your heavy breathing as you made it to the stairs of the building, each step seemed much more difficult to step on than the last, almost as if they had gotten more narrower as you traveled on. Rushing down the steps in desperation of escaping Hayakawa's slight in case he were to follow after you, the tip of one of the last steps of a space platform caught on the top of your foot, making you lose all of your remaining balance. Gasping as you began to fall head first down the stairs, you braced yourself for the impact of pain you were about to be exposed to.

Coldness. That's what you felt. Pain framed the emptiness you felt along with it. The hard as rock floor sent a sensual uncomfortable feeling to the side you laid on, but you tried as you were, you couldn't have possibly cared. Pain shot through your skull, left shoulder in rips of a sour feeling as well. Groaning, you put a hand to your forehead, heat immediately met your hand. You felt sick as you laid helplessly on the icey floor, though you wished to recover enough to get up, your poise was far too low for anything of the such.

You could've counted the few seconds you were alone on the stairwell before the echoing sound of raining footsteps came around. Closing your eyes tightly, you didn't even want to think about what your ex would think of you now, too unwell to stand on your own two feet. Lazily, you stretched a arm over your forehead, hoping silently that the earth would swallow you whole before he would met eyes of the mess of your crying face.

"Y/n?" You heard a familiar voice call lightly and of concern, only to hear a gasp not even a second later. "Are you alright?"

Hayakawa rushed to your fallen figure, his worried eyes peered down at you in genuine regraud , hands carefully pulled the arm that rested on your forehead away.

"Y/n," he repeated "please, answer me, are you alright?"

More tears fell from your eyes as your teeth gritted. You were unsure your hoarse voice would even be understandable through all of the weeping you had done previously. Turning on your right side, your hands shielded your face as you started to cry in them, teardrops captured by them.

Hayakawa spoke no words for a moment, the stairwell filled with only silence disturbed by the sounds of your wailing self. Soon, the coldness of the uncomfortable floor had departed from you, replaced with the warmth and comfort of the clothed arms of your used-to-be lover. You continued to cry, submissive to being carried back up the way you had come.

"Shhh," His soft voice started again. "I'm really sorry. I shouldn't have acted like that... I know I've been distant for a while. I'm here now though. I'm sorry."

He carried you back into your apartment, keeping you on the couch as he pondered in the kitchen as you sat quietly, still sniffing as you kept curled up. Knees up to your chin, you listen in as you heard the flowing sounds of running water and a slight ripping of some sort of plastic. Hayakawa returned, you could feel his presence. You heard a glass cup being sat on the coffee table in front of you, but you dared not to peer up to find out what it contained.

A hand was placed on your hurt shoulder.

"Are you well enough to talk?"

You began to feel bad about ignoring his questions, as they were in concern about your heath and he only wished to check if you were alright. So with the clearest voice you possessed , you spoke up to answer his question. "Yes." It was rough, but understandable.

A sigh of a relief could be heard as you sat still cuddled to your knees.

"Are you alright?"

At first you just nodded, but a audible reply followed close behind. "Yes. I'm ok."

"Thank goodness," he paused "I was...worried when I seen that you had fallen. And I'm... I really am sorry. I didn't mean to put my work in front of you. I just needed to get the work done and thought I would just complete it then. I know I'm not here an awful lot, but please, please don't leave me. I love you. But of course I understand if things just aren't working out, you deserve better than this. But at least hear me out before you go."

Tears swelled up in your orbs again, strolling down your heated cheeks too quickly for your liking. The motivation had finally sprung up within you to unbuckle your knees from your chin, sitting upright, you could at last Hayakawa's face. You studied how sad and tired he looked, realizing he may not be tired from work but from you. The heartbreak was written all over his grim expression. Swallowing hard, you wiped the still rolling tears off the sides of your cheeks before clasping his own, feeling the soft pale skin beneath your palm made you feel warm inside, remembering all times before you'd done the exact same thing.

"I would never leave you Hayakawa. I'm far too in love with you to do that. I know you're not always here, but when you are, you're the best thing that's ever happend to me. Earlier, I only said I was leaving you because I was mad at you for not spending much time with me. But I'm aware of your busy job. I love you too." You smile at him, though you're self aware that you don't appear as you're regular self with your reddened eyes from crying, you knew he wouldn't care.

A matching smile came across his face as well, his head leaning into your palm for a second before coming up, leaving your hand in the air as he kissed you passionately. His kisses always held meaning behind them, you were sure that this one meant that this one meant he felt guilty and held responsibility for your crying and pain caused on the stairwell. Though he may have caused those things, you would make sure he didn't feel that way as he was perfect in your eyes.

The kiss ended, Hayakawa stared into your beaming but saddened eyes for a moment longer before turning towards the TV hanging on the wall. Turning back to his original position, one arm wrapped around you, he asked a simple question.

"Care to join me for a date?"

... to help you with procrastination

5(politic AU),9,42

very kind, nonny, thank you! i got sucked into a meeting yesterday before completing this but it’s procrastination stations again today <3!

5. What do you wish someone would ask you about it's not much (but my money's on you)? Answer it now!

Real talk the first thing that came to mind is, "Did you have any other party names in mind before landing on the Progressive Alliance?" because the answer is YES. I was very tempted to name it Westeros Alliance of Progressive, or WAP for short. 😁

The longer answer I can speak to presently is perhaps “How much did the politics AU change from conception through to what it is now?” and the answer is a lot. The original thing was meant to be much more straight forward romance plot set against the backdrop of a key election. Some of the original shape of the fic will remain intact, but through conversations with theunpaidcritic and reading around some thoughts Courtney Milan had at the time around the romance genre, I found my interest in writing certain keystones of the genre waned and I wanted to explore other options. That isn’t anything against the romance genre (my beloved!) or that some of the things I want to try moving away from will definitely not be in the fic, it may well be that the story carries me there anyway. It’s more that it made the story overall more complex in the writing. Which has been a good challenge, even if it’s taking much longer than I’d have wanted. And hopefully will make me a better writer and also ultimately make for a richer story. At some point I may post some of the original stuff and speak to this in more depth when it’s less spoilery, since I did actually have probably about 60% of the original concept for the fic completed.

Also, Jaime demanded point of view chapters and if there’s one thing the man can do, it’s derail expectations.

9. How do you find new fic to read?

Most of the new fic I've been reading lately (and admittedly, my reading has fallen well behind these last few months) has been from recs on my dash. A little blurb either in-text or in the tags, amazing, that often sells me. I have a handful of reblogs in my drafts now, actually, just waiting for me to finish the fics so I can reblog them myself. I also do sometimes trawl through people's bookmarks on AO3. And I am apparently very basic and am one of the very few people who do look at fic titles to see if they capture my interest! Sometimes if I’m in the specific mood for something, rather than just looking for something which catches my eye, then I’ll filter by a specific tag. Recently I did the fairy tale tag! And came across some real gems :D

42. Have you ever received a comment that particularly stood out to you for whatever reason?

Absolutely! Several of them, I’ve been incredibly lucky. There are certain comments or commenters who come to mind but without wanting to draw attention to anyone who doesn’t want attention drawn, almost every fic has at least one comment that’s stuck with me. It’s not an exaggeration that every comment is precious: it’s companionable and motivating to know someone has read something and liked it enough to say so! As we’re talking about stand-outs though, the ones that do are the ones where the commenter shares that what they read meant something to them in some way: if that’s the theme, the emotion, the prose or dialogue, that they got a laugh from it or got to see someone do something in a way that moved them, a trope, any of it. It meant something to me to write, so to learn that it meant something to someone to read, that’s a very powerful thing.

#FlashbackFriday - Saturday Edition - Butterfly Betrayal: A Seneca James Mystery by Ruth J Hartman #Review / #Giveaway

Our internet was knocked out all day yesterday so I didn't get a chance to complete this post in time for it to be Friday's post. Saturday Edition I was unable to review this book when it toured with Great Escapes but was so intrigued by the cover and synopsis that I added it to my calendar then to read it now.  On Flashback Fridays I will share with you the books I was not able to review when they were first released that have been screaming at me from my To-Be-Read bookshelf. Butterfly Betrayal: A Seneca James Mystery Cozy Mystery 1st in Series Setting - Rural Indiana Level Best Books (November 21, 2023) Print length ‏ : ‎ 289 Pages Digital ASIN ‏ : ‎ B0CKJ16LXB Raising butterflies is peaceful and calm until someone dies. Majestic Monarch Butterfly Farm might flitter away forever. That is unless Seneca James acquires the property next door. She and Winifred, her costume-wearing cat, have a fight on their hands. Their land sits next to a milkweed-covered field, essential for monarchs. If she’s unsuccessful in buying it, her precious, winged friends won’t survive. When people end up dead on her farmland, Seneca is suspected of murder. What is it about the milkweed field that’s worth killing for? And who’s the murderer? Dollycas's Thoughts Seneca James owns the Majestic Monarch Butterfly Farm in rural Indiana and she is desperate to exercise the agreement she has made with her neighbor to purchase his property including a milkweed-covered field. Her butterflies need the milkweed, it is critical for their survival as Monarch caterpillars feed exclusively on the leaves. When Seneca finds her lawyer dead in her greenhouse she is lucky her best friend, Sheriff Cody Bales, is on her side and knows she didn't kill the man. But when another body is found on/near her property he may not be able to save her. Can Seneca find the killer and save her beautiful butterflies? Or will she be betrayed by the people she thought were her friends and go to jail for a crime she didn't commit? _____ The cover of this book is gorgeous. That and the synopsis propelled me right into the story. Our protagonist, Seneca James, inherited her farm from her grandmother and made it into a haven for Monarch butterflies. She also owns the Painted Wings Cafe but her cousin Evie runs the place with cook Murray Grimes. Seneca just drops in occasionally to "find out the scuttlebutt happening around" town and to make sure things are running smoothly. Seneca has a wonderful feline named Winifred who wants to dress up every morning. Of course, a monarch outfit is her favorite. Sheriff Cody Bales and Seneca have been lifelong friends. They are just friends for now but I can see it growing into a romantic relationship as the series continues. I really enjoyed meeting these core characters and look forward to getting to know them better. There was one instance that concerned me about Seneca's cafe. I realize she is pretty hands-off regarding the place but my parents had a restaurant of similar size and if one of the employees were injured and went to the doctor they wouldn't have left the restaurant until that employee returned. The injury needs to be documented and even if the other employee stated they didn't need help the owner should have stuck around especially when a "busload of hungry customers had flooded in" as she was leaving.  The mystery was well-written with plenty of suspects, twists, and turns. The residents of Maple Junction, Indiana are a quirky bunch and I couldn't believe that many were people Seneca had known her whole life from the way they acted. I knew something was off about one character but I wasn't able to put the puzzle of clues together until Seneca found a major clue. A major clue that was quickly put her into dire straights. Before the exciting showdown, there was a surprising event that shook me a bit. I hadn't expected it at all. Butterfly Betrayal is full of beautiful butterflies, a determined protagonist, a hunky sheriff, an adorable feline, a rising body count, betrayal, and a tangled-up mystery. Ms. Hartman has given this series a terrific start. About the Author Ruth J. Hartman spends her days herding cats and her nights spinning mysterious tales. She, her husband, and their cats love to spend time curled up in their recliners watching old Cary Grant movies. Well, the cats sit in the people's recliners. Not that the cats couldn't get their own furniture. They just choose to shed on someone else's. Ruth, a left-handed, cat-herding, farmhouse-dwelling writer uses her sense of humor as she writes tales of lovable, klutzy women who seem to find trouble without even trying. Ruth's husband and best friend, Garry, reads her manuscripts, rolls his eyes at her weird story ideas, and loves her despite her insistence all of her books have at least one cat in them. See updates about her cozy mysteries at Ruthjhartman.com. Author Links Facebook      Facebook Author Page      BookBub      Website Purchase Link Amazon Also Written by Ruth J. Hartman I am giving away a Kindle copy! The contest is open to anyone over 18 years old. Duplicate entries will be deleted. Void where prohibited. You do not have to be a follower to enter but I hope you will find something you like here and become a follower. Followers Will Receive 2 Bonus Entries For Each Way They Follow. Plus 2 Bonus Entries For Following My Facebook Fan Page. Add this book to your WANT TO READ shelf on GoodReads for 3 Bonus Entries.  Pin this giveaway to Pinterest for 3 Bonus Entries. If you share the giveaway on Threads, X, or Facebook or anywhere you will receive 5 Bonus Entries For Each Link. The  Contest Will End on February 17, 2024, at 11:59 PM CST The Winner Will Be Chosen By Random.org The Winner Will Be Notified By Email and Will Be Posted Here In The Sidebar. Click Here For Entry Form Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from the publisher. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. Receiving a complimentary copy in no way reflected my review of this book. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.” Read the full article

hi hi alex🩵🩵 I am back once again! I'm still recovering from the fact that you actually ARE weaving some of the trope into otde.. LIKE HOLY SHIT AHAHWJWKWKEJSJ AND ANGRY PASSI0N YES I love that you think the same as i do bc everything u said is so true i can't😭

and you are so right, enemies to lovers on top! I also like a good portion of angst and tension ( angry love confessions are literally why i live and i would gladly die for them) but it has to have a happy ending tho.. like make me cry seventy times and go from wanting to jump off a bridge to cursing the characters BuT!!! gIVE ME A HAPPY ENDING!!!!!!!

also, I've gotten settled in my new apartment almost completely, and i also moved to another town so i've also been taking care of that but so far it's amazing here!

And of course I love the way you write the tension between lix and mc! no seriously it's so fun to read and really engulf myself in the story (fantasising about otde may have or may have not became my fav way to relax/ get rid of some excessive stress) and it makes me even happier that the author of such a masterpiece finds time in her day to reply to my long ass rants and actually read through them!💗 Literally whenever I read your replies I always blush and squeal andbjqkqkqjwje (also thank u for the forehead kiss!🩵🩵🫶 sending one back ur way deatest)

ANDDDD I HAVE A SURPRISE!!! THE MOODBOARD IS HERE !!!!!

https://pin.it/261Fohe (if the link doesn't work lmk💗) IT HAS 52 PINS SO NOT TOO LONG AND I TRIED MIXING SOME DIFFERENT SHADES OF GREEN SO HOPEFULLY YOU'LL LIKE IT 🩵

Aand I'm so glad that you agree with me on Lix being dark red!! also i've been thinking and i feel like mc is the kind of green that kinda leans into blue? I'll try to find the shade and then share it with u!🫶 (bc of course I'm gonna share it with u I love talking to u like this sm omfg) i've already started on the red moodboard bc I got this surge of motivation yesterday at like four in the morning☠️

I'm honestly so so so so so excited not only for the next otde chap, but also for your response and to hear what you think about the moodboard! I tried to really show how I feel like when reading the story, though it's not exactly the way I see it since I couldn't find some specific pics on pinterest but I tried my best anyway! 💗 (also the Vans thing has been creeping up my mind lately and I have absolutely no idea why help - maybe it's bc I myself wear Vans and feel like the mc would wear them too😭)

You are making me blush so hard rn with the last paragraph omfg I love u sm😭😭 I am in all honesty so glad I've descovered you and your blog bc it's been seriously brightening my days by a LOT lately, so of course i'm gonna spend my time on it! I love making things related to otde and you!! Even more so if it makes you happy!🩵 you definitely deserve all the love in this world and i really hope you're having the best time of your life! Honestly, the longer your responses are, the better bc I love LOVE LOVE reading them and finding out your thoughts! I appreciate you so so much and, seriously, thank you for taking the time of your precious day and responding to me, love🩵💗

As always, stay safe and take care! 🩵 wish you the best week possible 🩵 (and did I ever mention that the way you write Felix makes him somehow just as attractive as irl and I have a fat crush on him...??)

hiiii my🩵 its so good to hear from youuu :) i know it can be scary moving to another town (i think i moved like four times by myself, including to two completely new cities before finding the place i am now) so im really glad you’re settling in and liking your new apartment🩵🩵🩵

i promise i plan to do my very best to weave our new favorite trope into the coming chapters🤭🩵 “angry love confessions are literally why i live” LMAO me with any form of media ever that includes romance😂😂 “cry seventy times” this made me laugh even harder, but im totally with you, i MUST have a happy ending to feel completely satisfied after reading/watching something. imo its what makes all of the angst and tension worth it in the end :)

“fantasising about otde may have or may have not became my fav way to relax/ get rid of some excessive stress”

noOoOoo babe this makes me SO happy to hear😭😭 you saying that my little story is a source of relaxation and stress relief for you is like the ultimate compliment, and i’m sure anyone who’s ever written anything for an audience before would agree🥹 it makes me even more happy to hear this because its YOU saying it and you have no idea how much i value your opinion😭 i swear after i read one of your asks it makes me feel so genuinely happy and full of energy that im pretty sure i could go out and run a marathon😂😂 it’s the best feeling ever, and you should know that i always find myself getting all flustered when i read your messages too, its like a big warm hug and i love it so very much💕💕

THE. MOODBOARD.

NO BECAUSE THIS DESERVES AN ENTIRE RANT OF ITS OWN I LOVE IT I LOVE IT SO MUCH I CAN SEE HOW MUCH THOUGHT YOU PUT INTO IT BECAUSE EVERY PICTURE FITS THE STORY SO WELL😭😭😭 YOU WENT ABOVE AND BEYOND MY EXPECTATIONS😭 i wish you could have seen my reaction when i first opened the link, it is the PERFECT visual journey to accompany the story and i could actually CRY i can’t-😭😭😭 the shades of green you picked are gorgeous and the whole feel is a little bit ominous?? (maybe haunting??) idk the right word for it but it is the EXACT vibe i associate with the story while i'm writing, so you absolutely nailed it yet again. i wish we could go through and discuss every single picture and your thought process behind each (i’m serious, my dms are always open😂) and its hilarious that you started on the red moodboard at 4am but hey, inspiration strikes when it wants to, right?😂😂 dare i say i am even more excited to see how this one turns out?? (oh and i was thinking that our mc might wear red vans?? bc idk they remind her of felix???🤭)

i'm so thrilled to hear that you’re excited for the next chapter, ill let you in on a little secret..its coming along nicely, but the problem is that i’ve got waaayyyy too many words so far (help) and its not quite finished yet so i definitely need to condense lol but i’m realllllllyyyyy really hoping to have it out some time later next week (if all goes to plan🥹) and im just as excited to share it with you, so stay tuned🤭

thank you for being so wonderful 🩵🩵 your support and enthusiasm for this story and our conversations mean the world to me🥹 and i know i’ve said it before but you and the amazing content you have created and chosen to share with me is SUCH a source of motivation (i now find myself thinking about you when im writing and wondering if you'll like where the story is going or certain parts etc. etc.) because that is how much you and your interactions mean to me. you make all of the time spent on writing worth it and i am so very thankful to have you not only as a reader but also a friend<333

....OH and to hear that you have a crush on otde felix makes me SO giddy🤭🤭🤭 to be honest...for similar reasons..sometimes I need to take a break when im writing and remind myself that none of this is real (including our favorite angsty rebel boy🥹)

okay okay i think this officially takes the record for the longest rant ever written on this website, so i'll end things here lol. stay safe and take care of yourself out there🩵🩵let's finish out the week strong, okay?? sending the biggest hug your way🤗 ilysm💕💕

june vibes

damn i abandoned this monthly top 10 music of mine tracker thingy since last march. oh well!!! let's do this again. as always the song is rapidly changed one by one... i'm a seasonal listener...

Let's start out with 夏霞 / Natsu-kasumi (Summer Haze) by Atarayo. The first time I listened to this duet of a song? Damn... It's ethereal. I like how both of the guy and girl vocalist blend and complements one another. Guess, it's about love in the summer. Purely from sound, it's somber and regretful. I'm reading the lyrics right now. And yes, it does reflect regret. The singer(s) reminiscent about the precious memories they shared one another in the summer, the fireworks, the festival, the confession. Not wanting to be hurt by those feelings, wanting to be wrapped in the haze of the summer. Aww... :-(

Second is なかよしステップ / Nakayoshi Step (BFF STEP) by kinoshita. I'm surprised this song got in, turned out I liked it that much! Kinoshita is a Vocaloid producer that's easily known for his high-paced, energetic and cheerful songs. This one is one of them. The video is also as cute, featuring Una and Rin doing this simple dance steps. Please. Purely from soung, it's about the joy of having a BFF (which I lack) so sing out the joy for my stead!!! The lyrics, is well. It's indeed about having a friend so close and having fun. AHHH the lyrics is so cute. "I know, I know It'll get through you. It's not just words! I'm putting this music together for you, tu-turu-tuu, a BFF melody." It must've been a precious thing to have, a friend... :-(

Flash Forward by Le Sserafim... I swear I've found this song just yesterday. How come it's sitting pretty at third, I don't know. I like this song mainly because it's something I'd listen rather than their more fierce and stronger song. Sakura also got a lot of lines, so it's a plus! The vibe is breezy and chill, and it seems about just, I don't know. Keeping some feelings to a crush kind of song...

Next is また夏を追う / Mata Natsu wo Ou (To Chase the Summer Again) by Atarayo. What's up with this group and song about Summer?! It may or may not be the sequel to Natsugasumi. It's also got similiar vibe, regretful and holding onto something. I think it's about, moving on after a breakup in Summer. The singer is the one who walked away, but they felt it need to be done. Though regretful, they still want to chase another Summer.

Tentang Rumahku by Dialog Dini Hari is one of the song I found on these Spotify spotlight someone made based on a book. This one, I found for Laut Bercerita's playlist. Before this, I was so shallow because I dismissed the song in my native language since they're usually sappy love song which I detest for no particular reason. But I figured I'd be open. And I'm sure there's always some song for each person. At first it reminds me of Mara's character. Her home which lacks an important someone. It also reminds me of Laut himself, perhaps a song fitting when he's deep down in the sea, reminiscing the dear family and home he grew up. Ahh... I need to read that book again. The lyrics are relatively simple to understand, and at the core of it, I think it's about home and how it's truly an important place where one grew and become theirself. A keeper of memories and all the important thing in the world. One can be happy at their home.

まるつけ / Marutsuke performed by Yano Shougo. It's the ending theme for the anime Given. I watched it few months back then, and contrary to popular's opinion I think it's hands down the best song out of the series. (I don't plan to watch the movie so, yeah.) The song is so powerful, and carrying the weight of sorrow in the same place. Reading the lyrics, I felt like it kind of tells a story of the singer with a big amount of doubt about, well, his feeling. Love, I assume. Love, unsure of how it can stay and how it can perservere. Knowing the context with the anime, it seems so depressing. Talk about the anime, I saw some manga spoilers and noped out. The anime itself is so angst-heavy and there's a lot of drama. I don't need more... (Also love triangle trope sucks...) but the song itself is so good. Mafuyu's VA is perfect fit for his hoarse and yet soft-ish kind of voice. Conveying the feeling of desperation and cries of help.

The way I stayed like 40 minutes writing all of this but I can't stay still for mere 10 minutes writing my thesis I'm💀 Okay, I'm going to make the rest quick.

Maigo Hanyuu is another Vocaloid producer with their characteristics of traditional Japanese sounds incorporated for their songs. 鬼の居ぬ間に / Oni no Inumani (While the Demon is Away) seems like it's telling a story about someone staying by another one's side... Wait... It's just a quick interpretation. It could be also about a story when someone is left behind by a passed away person, still, they lived for both of them. Though perhaps they griefed, unable to accept that the other isn't there anymore, hence, preparing meals for two, lamenting the time they spent in the world, can't help until the demon or death itself took them. Wow. Huh??!!?

Next is 阿吽のビーツ / Aun no Beats (Aun Beats), also a classic by Maigo Hanyuu. Angsty tragic pair of love, I assume... From the sounds alone, there's regret, longing, and desperation. "I held up my heart to you. Give it back someday, be gentle, okay? I really wanted to go back. Going back after this is fine too." What I loved about Hanyuu's work for this one, is the usage of English loanswords paired with the traditional Japanese sounds. It's!!!! It's so cool. I think this post described and analyzed the song well...

Next is 死んではいけない / Shinde wa Ikenai (You Musn't Die, stylised Don't Go) by Shimizu Kou. I spent like 10 minutes looking for lyrics for this song and I couldn't find it. Turned out it's because the song isn't simply Ikanaide in the original title... Oh well... The song is a vibe. Len, the vocal, is tuned well. It seems like it's a thematical song, so it tells a story. But I'm running out of time...

I really need to stop here. But Sparkling Daydream by ZAQ is the opening theme for the anime Chuunibyou demo Koi ga Shitai! I haven't watched it in forever. But it popper in my mind and it's still a banger. That's it!

That's for June. Wow! I typed a lot. WOW...

Love Letter

I often dream of yesterday, when we walked through the trees and you led me down love’s path, and planted your everlasting presence within my heart and soul. And once again, you have taken me to far off places that I never even knew were in existence.

Your kisses are so intoxicatingly sensational, I can never get enough of them, I will always want them, and will always need them, they are vital to my very being, as are you. I will give of myself fully to you for all of eternity, whenever, wherever we can. Each small moment is a new beginning for me, and my heart seems to find many more new emotions of want, need, desire, friendship, companionship, and a deeper love than has ever been felt or spoken of by anyone, but you.

I often wonder if ever in time were there any other two people who have shared such a perfect example of how love was meant to be enjoyed. Yet so many have not been as fortunate to discover, if they ever do at all. For I wouldn't trade places with anybody else in any part of the world right now.

I am most fortunate to have been so blessed with having found you and discovered what a beautiful, most precious, perfect man, who far exceeds any definition of perfection, without any exaggeration. Honestly, you have surpassed my expectations of what love has to offer this world, and you have shown me, and continue to show me new and more wonderful things about you and within you, I find all the more reason to keep falling more and more in love with you, in spirit, in mind and in heart and soul.

I do not wish to ever share any part of myself with any other for the rest of my time on this earth. I only want to love you, and will cherish each and every moment you are able to give, and I will hold these dear to my heart and take them with me to my grave.

You have already given me the greatest gifts of all, and you do not even know it. You are all I will ever want, desire, and need for my life’s fulfillment. And though the miles may separate us, and time itself cannot give to us every second it has to offer, please know that I will always have this love for you and it is reserved for you and your touch only, and if I have to wait another 19 years to have my hearts desire, to have it is enough in itself, and it is a wait that I am willing to endure now and forever if need be.

You ignite a fire within me that I have never known and your written words stir such a whirlwind of emotion inside of me that I am nearly driven mad by my desire for you.

I love the sound of your voice, and I love to feel your breath on me, and I love the way you can make me wet with the way you kiss. You know how to kiss the way I love to be kissed, it's a kiss that reaches every nerve ending in my entire body---how do you do that? There isn't a part of my body, inside and out, that hasn't been felt by you.

Never has anyone been able to even make me want sex the way that you do, and you do so without even trying. All it takes most times is the sound of your voice, or that way I love to feel your breath on my neck just before you kiss me, God I love that. Never ever, have I wanted to make love to any one slowly and with so much passion, as I crave with you, and I was but a young lass of 16 when you made me feel these things for the very first time.

I love how you are so very gentle at all the right times and I love it when you thrust harder and harder at all the right times. I love the way you make me tremble at the slightest touch.

I love the way that you can find that one spot that can make me come over and over and over again, one that all others have been unable to find. At times, I think you must have put it there.

Oh how I love the way I feel when you are inside me! I love the way you put your hands on me, your fingers inside me. The way you touch me, it sends shivers up my spine and back down again. I love the way you put your mouth on me, and the splendour when you put your tongue inside of me. Oh God, my fingers cannot this moment replace the feeling of you deep within me!

I love the gentle way you touch my face when you are fucking me. I love the fullness of you between my thighs. I love the way you fuck me with such fury, as I have always secretly desired, yet there is so much kindness in your eyes, and a gentleness in your touch. There is a sweetness in your glance as you gaze into my eyes while you are penetrating me.

You suspend me between two worlds; the innocent girl and the whorish tramp, and I am lost in my desire to be both at once.

You penetrate me so deeply that I feel it throughout my body, and it is a feeling that I have come to beg for. I love the way your sweat drips down on me, your scent so pure and clean. Oh how I wish I could have you in my mouth while you are fucking me!

You have no idea how much I love this, yes, you do, and that is exactly why you do it. Because you know how to make my body ache for your touch. An hour or a few stolen moments, any of which would satisfy me right now, Oh just to have you in my bed again this night! No other man has ever made me feel this way.

But not only does my body ache for your touch, but my heart and soul ache for your presence as well. When I am with you, I can only imagine that it must be what Heaven is like, because it is pure bliss. I wouldn't trade it for anything, or anyone.

Now, I want you. No, now, I must have you again and you must fuck me, longer, and harder, and faster, and deeper, and softer, until I can't stand it any more. I want you to fuck me with abandon until my legs drop senseless from around your waist. Penetrate me. Consume me. Fuck me, for I am yours, body, and soul.

These are my favorite memories, and all are with you.

Those feelings you stirred within me, have never left me, and when you finally kissed me that day,I knew it was a kiss I would never forget. I cannot imagine the emptiness I would have, had I not met you.

You are more desirable every time I see you again, and the way you smell is pure intoxication. Whatever spell you have put on me, please, never let me wake up. You are it for me, and you do for me, as no one else has ever been able to do.

All my love,

**All The Pennies**

I recently listened to a message from Chuck Swindoll about the creation of the universe. Well, it wasn't about the universe but he does go on for a bit about the chances of creation. He explains about having 10 pennies in your pocket numbered 1-10. He tells of the odds of pulling them out in order first #1 then #2 and further tell us how the odds grow exponentially as you go down the line trying to pull the next numbered copper out, 3 then 4 and so on. He explains that the creation of the earth would be 1000 times more difficult to create in the order the steps need to happen for us to exist.

I found it moving and the very next day I started seeing pennies pop up everywhere. Behind my jewelry box, next to the phone, down at my feet as I walk into a building, etc. All of them usually placed. A week went by before I started noticing them, then collecting them. Pennies are the most abundant monetary value in our country, they are also the least used. I personally throw mine unnumbered into a jar where if they're lucky I may roll them up one day in exchange for a dollar bill or a bank credit. I guess you could say I loosely keep track of them in that way. So the fact that I started seeing them all around has made me pause every single time to consider creation. I thought to myself, once I get to 10 I will number them and keep them in my pocket to remind myself how precious we are. I was up to 5 cents and yesterday while outside taking in the beauty of the end of winter I had a moment of reconsideration about this challenge. Of course I don't need this reminder. Creation reminds me all the time about its purpose and my place in it. Stopping here I thought when I get home I'll put those pennies I set aside with the rest and just move on from this.

I had yet to do that when I sat down this morning and dug into my bible, as I do most mornings. Every now and again I have this "lead me" moment with the Father. I'll pick up my bible, close my eyes and say 'Lord, where do I read'. It's a set aside moment beyond anything else. It's not lead by a devotional, chat or something I heard and want to reinforce it's lead by flipping the pages until he opens the page for me. Side note: once I did this feeling overwhelmed. I prayed "where to begin", we opened up to Gensis 1:1...He certainly has a sense of humor. This morning however it was Hebrews 1:2-3. Which states that the universe was created through the son of God. I have one of those bibles with the little asterisk that will lead you to matching verses. It helps solidify that we are reading truth. Although I don't know how I ended up in the next few verses they were all about Gods majesty and might. (I will post those verses below for you to check out later if you like.) They showed me that God is bigger than the universe. They reminded me not to put him in a jar where only I can access him. He deserves more.

My favorite part about faith and belief in God is how he cements these truths for those how have found the path. I love how the Bible written so completely separate still tells us such an integrated story of what ever "this" is. I don't claim to have even one answer to the why we're here. I only know I have every reason to have faith in this truth.

I finished reading, still having yet to put the pennies on my dresser with jar of nameless ones. Still processing what he's saying to me. I got up and made pancakes for my son. Opening the draw next to the stove to look for some arbitrary thing I found all the pennies. Not only the other 5 pennies for my challenge but in true form he over did it and sent me more than I had been waiting for. This makes me think of so many things. It's hard to share. I think 'change the pennies into people' and think of all the souls lost or looking that are peppered around us. I turn the pennies into 'reminders' of prayer and think of faith and the support of our Father and looking on maybe it's just random change left behind waiting to be spent on something undetermined. But I firmly believe there are no coincidences and maybe they are all of these things combine pending our perspective.

One thing is certain, he speaks to us and with us if we only just take the time to hear his message. Sometimes we just need to be open to the message and he'll show us. Other times we need silence and prayer to center. Either way the stream of love is never ending. I will be numbering these pennies, 1 -11. As a reminder that he is great. He is the creator. He always gives us enough, but usually gives us more than we need.

Hebrews 1:2-3 but in these last days he has spoken to us by his Son, whom he appointed heir of all things, and through whom also he made the universe. The Son is the radiance of God’s glory and the exact representation of his being, sustaining all things by his powerful word. After he had provided purification for sins, he sat down at the right hand of the Majesty in heaven. 

2 Chornicles 2:6 Yet no one can really build a temple for God, because even all the vastness of heaven cannot contain him. How then can I build a temple that would be anything more than a place to burn incense to God?

2 Chronicles6:18 “But can you, O God, really live on earth among men and women? Not even all of heaven is large enough to hold you, so how can this Temple that I have built be large enough?

1Kings 8:27  “But can you, O God, really live on earth? Not even all of heaven is large enough to hold you, so how can this Temple that I have built be large enough? 

Things I Think About, Vol. 9

This is part two from yesterday, because I still love y’all. This time, the goal is Kiku’s outlook...on the rest of the Kozuki Clan. But not the easy, surface ones. No no. In vino, veritas. We’re talking the real tea you’d only get out of a Kiku drunk, up past her bedtime, and in a crabby mood wanting to air some grievances. No...I’m not thinking of an upcoming moment in our Seafloor Sidestory at all... 

Kin’emon: "It should not cause such commotion that this one accidentally addresses you as father on occasion. It only happened like, three times...this week and you basically are anyways. I know it, you know it, this one saw the silly 4-koma Kanjuro made about it each of you thought was hilarious. Just admit it ya deadbeat.”

Denjiro: “It is preposterous to act as if one can own a hairstyle. The ponytail looks way better on me anyways. This one is not a copycat, nor does she care what you say either. The cheaper shirataki at the market does not taste the same. You don’t even eat it, how would you know?”  

Kanjuro: “There are plenty of other members of our clan you may ask to borrow makeup from, while we’re on the subject this one does not trust you around anything that goes near my hair. You know this one uses the same expensive lipstick Lady Toki prefers as well as how long it has been since Oden paid us anything for our service.”

Raizo: “I know you said I’m the last one of this group who should be giving you love advice...and the fact you thought that is the best example of your problem there I could ever give.”

Doji: “Your poetry is so good! Why won’t you share your precious gifts with the world? Did this one spend so many of my golden years teaching you to write only for you to squander such an innate talent!? ”

Inuarashi: “That this one could ever be described as having a stick up her ass in your presence is nothing short of blatant misogyny. The sheer double standard! And how can you call yourself a samurai without an epithet? Have you found a better suggestion than this one’s of Regal Beagle?”

Nekomamushi: See, this actually can’t happen if Neko’s with them. He just pulls out his pipe and heads off the impending hissyfit, which shortcuts us to our inevitable conclusion either way. And yes, he has on occasion deliberately been late solely to hear her tee off on Inu.

Kawamatsu: No one has ever had a grievance with Kawamatsu. The concept doesn’t compute. At the end of her tirade, Kiku falls asleep on him mumbling something about one of the good ones. He lets out a huge sigh and carries her off to bed. Then comes back halfway through a joint pilfered from Neko’s stash and tells the rest “Not a word tomorrow, at some point the rest of you are going to listen. We do this at home, of course she joins in, tries to keep up at a third of our weight, and it always ends like this. We go to the bar in Bakura...all you have to do is say we’re having a guy’s night and she skips off to go knit with Toki. This is why we don’t invite her or Tsuru either, right? Kiku was flattered enough when I did that last time she made breakfast when we got back! Breakfast, or pain? Why is this not an easy choice?” Then he goes and sulks in a pond for a while.

Not to say knitting with Toki doesn’t involve a bottle of wine, but she gets juuust the right pace to get Kiku to admit to 10-12 things Oden’s been hiding. Naturally Tsuru discovered this development and has taken to doing the same. Shino-chan? Parties way too hard. Kiku’s too innocent for that part of town.