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70x1cnature · 1 year

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Okay so I’ve been watching Keyan Carlile’s retrospective on Wizards of Waverly Place on youtube and I’ve been looking for an excuse to make their magic system/world make sense so watching that has helped me, so here’s my ideas for that.

The biggest thing I wanted an explanation for was why a wizard can’t be with a non wizard, or even why a “family wizard” is so important in the first place. They act like entire thing with Stevie and taking down the distributer of magic is the most evil thing she could possible want to do, with no explanation as to why. Also, in and earlier season the whole “distributor” thing is contradicted by Professor Crumbs being able to just causally take Alex’s magic but whatever, one mans continuity error is another man’s method to expand the lore. Without any explanation, she just makes a good point. Why can’t they all just keep their magic? Why do they need the magic distributor?

It made me start to think about why this system would have started in the first place. What motivated them to make this device, because it obviously had to have been invented or I guess the ability to magically take someone’s magic could’ve been the start but I’ll get to that. So, who invented this and why?

The who isn’t really as important as the why. Going back in time, it’s not hard to point to the witch hunts as a good enough reason to start hiding from the non magical world. Wizards being hunted down left and right, it makes sense that they’d start trying to find methods to protect themselves. It would also be the origin of why they are so against wizards with their powers marrying a “mortal”. The fact that they call them mortals has an interesting implication that wizards are immortal. Then again, all magical creatures seem to kind of be immortal, Mason was even said to be like 200 years old. If a wizard married a mortal, that would only put the wizard and the entire wizarding world in danger, hence the separation.

There are several things that could be easily pointed to as being created with the intention of protecting themselves. One such thing they’d need is a device to prevent accidental magic from children too young to control or understand hiding from outsiders. Do you remember those stupid tubes that are plugged in the wall of their magic lair? In this little head canon explanation I’m weaving, I feel like that could have started from needing to regulate the powers of children. It would have originally been a magic regulator, so they could learn to control and regulate magic themselves, before outgrowing the need.

If that’s the case, then the next question would be, why does it now appear be the source of their individual powers? Well, I think that the effort of hiding from prosecution and execution started going further. These tubes could have been older than the slaughter of wizards, as a essential household tool, but it was twisted as was needed in the times. When being hunted, having less magic users is safer, so what if they instead took the magic out of the children, and instead had it given back at less intensity via those tubes. The logic would also follow, that for those who do have magic, having more power to protect themselves against those trying to kill them would make sense. The wizarding competition would have been created from that need. The children in a family learn everything they can about magic, and then they compete to find the one who is most worthy of retaining their magic, the one who’s most capable and wanting.

Now, pardon me as I get a bit “fuck the establishment”, it’s necessary since WOWP seems to have missed that from pop culture at the time. No matter what the original intentions were, it has gone too far, and honestly I feel like Stevie was more right then she even realized about how bullshit the whole system is. If it was originally meant as a regulation and congregation of powers, then how does a non magical wizard and a non wizard have kids that can do magic? How is a wizard still a wizard without their magic, and how are they able to pass magic onto their kids, when they themselves lack it?

Clearly, magic seems to be a blood inherence of wizards which could be another reason for their racism against nonwizards in modern day, which is very Harry Potter of them. It is something that they are born with and is put into these tubes as a safety mechanism, probably by it’s own capabilities or even having it moved by someone magic themselves. If magic has been established to be easily transferred by other mean, then why does the distributor exist? What if the “distributor” actually had a different purpose?

Back when wizards were being killed on mass, they needed a place to hide, to keep them out of the harm of angry mobs, and that’s when the “distributer” was formed. It wasn’t called that at the time though, and that wasn’t it’s function. Originally, it was something that could take the magical ability of a wizard and use it to create and maintain a safe haven for wizards. The wizarding world. Wizards are inherently magical, and grow into their magic. When they no longer have this thing regulating them, they’re considered a full wizard, with all the power that entails. Over thousands of years, however, in their efforts to keep magical population down, and to maintain this ever growing wizarding world, the competition started, to determine who out of a generation of siblings would be allowed to grow to a full wizard, and who would instead power this safe haven, and be able to live a normal life free from the constraints placed by wizard authorities for their protections.

Now, why would this be something that wizards don’t know about? I mean, this is all head canon at this point so for all we know it is available and easily found in wizarding textbooks, but I can’t stop myself from at least trying to fit my head canons into canon so: secrets. Why would the wizards in charge wanna hide the truth? Well, probably because the victors write history!

In the retrospective I’ve been watching, Keyan points out how wizards are very racist to literally every other magical creature, and even seems to enslave some of them.

I can picture this: Magical creatures of all kinds are being hunted for sport. Some creatures (like Fae) have figured out how to create hidden realms that they can retreat to, so wizards decide to create something gather “access” power and do the same. As they continue to grow their realm, other creatures are still being hunted, like the mighty dragon! Well, what are the good wizards to do besides help them? So wizards help, and help, and help. Dragging more and more magical creatures, gaining more and more power, creating alliances, maybe even linking their magical realms with others. Eventually, they become greedy. Wizards think themselves so highly, that only THEY can help their fellow magical kin. They have to help them all for their own good! So if some magical creatures are too stupid to join them, they don’t know any better, and need to be “helped” under any circumstances. Get what I’m saying here? Very America “manifest destiny” coded. Like, “we will literally fight you so that you’ll join and obey us”. Haha, so no matter what good intentions they had in the beginning, they’ve become bigoted colonizers who paint themselves above everyone else.

Best part, is that along the way they started lying to their own people about the magic competition. The best explanation I can think of is that in erasing all of that horrible things they did to their fellow magical creatures, they also had to erase what they’re doing to their own people. In the end, everyone is being lied to and subjugated and the wizard authorities are too deep in their power hungry ways to want to do anything but maintain it. I’d also imagine that to keep something as big as the truth of the magical competition and “the distributor” secret they’d probably have to be under some magical obligation to be unable to speak of it to anyone without the authority to know.

That’s my main part of my “wizard government is actually the problem” head canon, and it can kind of be expanded on but idk, I just really hated the competition and wanted a better ending. With this whole idea, I feel like if Stevie and the revolution actually succeeded in knocking out the magic distributor it could have had a domino effect that none of them would have predicted. Depending on how deep that device ran through the infrastructure, it could have given wizards who lost their competitions their magic back. It could have also made some of the wizarding world crumble but what are high stakes without some casualties? It wouldn’t all crumble too, there’d still be some magic feeding it, and honestly they’ve probably absorbed most other magical realms too, so those would be fine.

All of this was just to make a children’s program make sense so I can make fan fiction. If anyone else is obsessed with Wizards of Waverly Place and are inspired by this then fucking run with it. Or even expand on it, I’d love to hear any ideas people have. Idk if I’ll ever actually write anything with this myself, as I just kinda have fic ideas that take place before any of this would be revealed, but fucking hit me up if you do write something with this idea, I’ll read the hell out of it! (unless it involves incest ships, then you can miss me with that shit, DNI I will block)

TLDR: the wizarding government is basically just magical America subjugating magical creatures and their own people by controlling and stealing their magic.

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somethingoriginal127 · 4 months

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i want to have a rant about the most unimportant thing in the world (this is going to be kind long so do what you will.)

what is with that trend that was happening where everyone started pretending we misinterpreted television show characters when really you just refuse to say you like a problematic character/ship??

i since her debut have LOVED sharpay evans to the moon and back. she’s pretty, she’s flashy, she’s fun, she is the drama. however, you are not going to convince me gabriella was the true villain of hsm and not her. like genuinely what are you people talking about she tried to steal troy for shits and giggles and was literally just jealous of gabriella because she didn’t try and still got picked. just because you feel bad for sharpay doesn’t mean she didn’t treat gabriella like shit unprovoked hello?? you’re still allowed to say you liked her?😭it’s not that serious.

NEXT idgaf how toxic they may have been down the line whatever you did not like dean and alex more than mason and alex. you. are. a. liar. dean was NOT better boyfriend. everytime i see someone say mason was so incredibly toxic and she should’ve just stayed with dean 4 of my brain cells shrivel up and die. (couldn’t even find a dean gif bc that’s how little he spoke to alex)

mason acted a fool TWICE in that relationship and they dated a long ass time and i know you don’t remember why her and dean broke up, let me spread the news: HE PAYED NO ATTENTION TO HER THEY WERE BARELY DATING😭

he treated her like a homie, didn’t prioritize her and they basically .. weren’t a couple. do you know who can relate to that? IDK BUT ITS NOT MASON GREYBACK🙄

how are you guys forgetting that the cuntiest disney protagonist who has never demanded anything less than princess treatment since her debut had a boyfriend who couldn’t deliver broke up with him immediately and made the next bf obsessed. put some respect on her name ?? it’s her whole brand ?? alex only hangs out w mfs who will wait on her hand and foot and reinforce her selfish behavior! duh! (she’s my favorite disney channel character of all time btw like raised me from the ground up)

now he (mason) did fuck up with the juliet thing (but that was like kind of a supernatural reflex thing) and being a flake in the end when he was mad at alex but i’m sorry dean was not even almost a better boyfriend than him. the only reason you’ve deluded yourself into thinking so is because someone on the internet said so and because you can’t remember a single dean and alex fight (the reason you can’t is because they didn’t talk to each other)

next : beck was not more toxic jade sorry idgaf. he was slightly too friendly with other girls but i would be too if my girlfriend made me that miserable like she was so so so evil to him all the time.

tori also did not have jade’s bullying coming jade like always was mean to her unprovoked. you can’t change the narrative just because you hate tori and love jade?

doesn’t matter to me though i loved beck and jade even though they were toxic. 8 year old me thought they were so entertaining.

^i thought this was peak romance idk

those are my hot takes that weren’t considered hot takes a decade ago. ty for reading if you did so. <3

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thinkingaboutbetterdays · 1 year

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roommate's ex. ( mason greyback x reader )

gif belongs to me

Your relationship with Mason, while fairly new, came at an unexpected time, which you appreciated more as you both helped each other heal old wounds. He hadn't mentioned his ex-girlfriend's name, and you knew he would always care about her in some form, but he made it clear that you were the girl he was in love with. In the early days of your relationship, you spent talking about your exes, and Mason found it odd at first, but believed it really strengthened your relationship early on as neither of you had any secrets.

When you found out he was a werewolf you were shocked, but you surprised him with how supportive you were and Mason adored you for how understanding you were when his moods would change leading up to the full moon.

You often stayed with him during the transformation and while he endured a few dog jokes, Mason had never felt so close to anyone before - Alex included.

Your parents moving away from the city spurred your decision to find a roommate and Alex Russo was the perfect candidate, although you learned quickly that her friend Harper was a package deal, not that you minded. You spent most of the day helping them move into the apartment, clearing space for their belongings by packaging away your parents' things. When there was a knock at the door, you glanced at the clock and grimaced when you saw you were running late for your date with Mason who had yet to find out about your roommates as the process had been very quick. The two girls had viewed the apartment at nine a.m and deciding to move in right away, made you lose track of time.

You opened the door, greeting Mason who smiled at you. "Come on in." You pressed a chaste kiss to his lips before stepping aside, and Mason closed the door as he followed you. "I'll quickly get changed then we can go."

"You have no idea." You muttered, making him smile. "I won't be long. They're in the guest bedrooms right now."

"You look like you've got your hands full." He nodded to the boxes and clothes overtaking your living room.

Mason sent you a smile, "Take your time." He reassured you.

You went to your bedroom to get changed and less than a minute later Harper left the bedroom she and Alex were sorting to collect her clothes when she saw Mason, a scream leaving her lips.

"Harper?" Mason looked at her in disbelief.

"What is it?" When he heard Alex's voice Mason was sure the universe was working against him. "Mason? What are you doing here?"

"Okay, keys check. Hair check. Dress check. Lip gloss." You muttered to yourself, almost bumping into Harper as you left your bedroom, finding the three staring at each other. "Oh, you've met. Mason this is -"

"Alex." He cleared his throat. "Yeah, we've met."

You noticed the tension in the room and quickly put the pieces together. "You mean you both used to -"

"Yes."

"Oh." You paused briefly. "Well, this is awkward." You remembered your lip gloss was on your nightstand and excused yourself, glancing over your shoulder as you left the room.

"You're dating our roommate?" Harper whispered poorly.

"I was dating her before she became your roommate." Mason pointed out.

"You aren't seeing her because of me, are you?" Alex spoke up. "Because we're over, Mason. I thought we -"

"I know." He interrupted. "Like I said. We dated long before you knew each other."

"This isn't going to work out." Alex looked at Harper who frowned.

"It's been months since we've seen each other, Alex," Mason stated. "I have no problems with it."

"Of course not because you want us to get back together."

"I don't want to get back together." Mason interrupted before she could continue, silencing the wizard.

"What?"

"I said I don't want to get back together with you," Mason repeated. "When I met Y/N I was so lost for a long time and meeting her was so...incredible. So ordinary. And being with her makes me feel...at peace. I'm happy with her. Content in ways I never could have been with you, and that is what makes it so unique. A mortal understands a werewolf, not knowing the world like you did, but understanding more. And she's amazing in ways I can't even begin to describe." His lips formed a smile before falling slightly as he met her gaze. "So, no, I don't want to get back together. But if you want to stay here, I have no problem with it."

"I don't either." You spoke up, entering the room. You looked at Mason and he knew from your gaze that you had heard his speech. "The rooms are yours if you want them."

Alex considered it for a moment before nodding.

You sent the wizard a smile, "Great. If you feel like having takeout I have menus in the kitchen drawer by the sink."

"You moved them remember." Mason reminded you with a fond smile. "The clear out last week? They're by the door now."

You shared a smile with him before looking at Alex and Harper who could see the love and devotion between you both simply from the way you looked at each other. "He's right. It's annoying when he's right."

Mason walked over to open the door and you looked back at Alex when she spoke, "Have fun on your date."

"Thank you." Your eyes twinkled mischievously as you glanced at Mason. "We're going to the park. I got him a new squeaky pig -"

Mason rolled his eyes as he walked away and you giggled as you followed him, closing the door. He sent you a smile when you wrapped your arms around his waist, pressing a kiss to his shoulder.

Harper looked at Alex when the door closed. "Will you be okay?"

"They look so happy together," Alex commented with a smile, taking a deep breath before levitating clothes from the sofa. "Come on, we can order something after we finish the closets."

Harper smiled as she followed her friend. It was a new beginning and while it would be awkward at first, Alex could see that you would become one of her closest friends. And your relationship with Mason was a happy one, your smitten expressions telling her all she needed to know.

#mason greyback #mason greyback x reader #wizards of waverly place

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exterminair · 8 months

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WIZARDS OF WAVERLY PLACE — 4x02 “Alex Gives Up.”

i don’t talk about this show nearly as much as i should but i genuinely love it so much <3

i need more fics of them ( where mason isn’t a total asshat )

#wizards of waverly place #wizards of waverly pod #malex #mason greyback #alex russo #mason greyback x alex russo #alex russo x mason greyback #wowp malex #wowp #selena gomez #gregg sulkin #disney #disney channel #2000s nostalgia #nostalgia #nostalgic

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tv-shows-and-movies-blog · 1 year

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Wizards of Waverly Place (1/7)

I’m rewatching Wizards of Waverly place (it is just as good as I remember) but I’m noticing so many things I never realized when I was younger:

1) Alex and Mason were not a healthy couple

#alex and mason #harper and zeke #wowp #wizards of waverly place #alex russo #harper finkle #mason greyback #zeke beakerman #malex

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i-need-a-slurpee · 1 year

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No but just think of how sweet it would be if Alex, Mason, Dean and Stevie were in a polycule (Alex dating Mason, Dean and Stevie. Stevie only dating Alex but being best friends with Mason and Dean. Mason and Dean dating Alex and each other)

Like think of all the misadventures they'd have Stevie and Alex makin a bunch of trouble, Mason trying to be the moral compass that gets them to stop only to be roped into the scheme too and Dean just watching it all unfold being an unbothered king. It's all I've been able to think about all day

#wizards of waverly place #Wowp #Stevie Nichols #Dean Moriarty #alex russo #mason greyback #the blorbos #They're all I can think about help #Teenagers just having fun and living their life is my favorite thing #I just want them to be happy

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toomanyincorrectquotes · 1 year

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Alex: we need to get through this locked door. justin, give me your credit card

Justin: here

Alex, pocketing it: thanks. mason, kick down the door

#Wizards of Waverly Place #Alex Russo #Justin Russo #Mason Greyback #incorrect quotes #Source: Incorrect Quote Generator

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khruschevshoe · 4 months

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Was no one going to tell me that Mason from Wizards of Waverly Place was on an episode of the Sarah Jane Adventures or was I supposed to go a good two minutes wondering where I knew that voice/face from before giving up and googling it myself?

#sarah jane adventures #sarah jane smith #gregg sulkin #wizards of waverly place #doctor who #mason greyback

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autisticheadcanonsdaily · 1 year

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Mason Greyback from Wizards of Waverly Place is autistic, submitted by anon!

#mason greyback #wizards of waverly place hcs #wizards of waverly place #wowp mason greyback #autistic headcanon #autistic hc #autistic hcs

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redpool · 1 year

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Alex's breakup with Mason will forever be the most heartbreaking thing to watch.

#alex russo #wizards of waverly place #selena gomez #mason greyback #greg sulkin

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beyondglass · 2 years

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"Close friends"👀👀

#wizards of waverly place #justin russo #greg sulkin #david henrie #mason greyback #Disney will say they were close friends

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noethicalconsumptionunderdisney · 1 year

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Ranked: Wizards of Waverly Place — Premieres

Well hello again! It has been a hot minute since I did an Analysis, let alone a whole month of them! Let’s change that. Welcome to “Not What It Seems” November, something I completely made up so I could give myself a month to talk about my second-favorite Disney Channel show: Wizards of Waverly Place! We’ll do like The Sound of Music and start at the very beginning (a very good place to start) and talk about Premieres(… starting on the 8th of the month instead of the 1st, because I am very punctual).

My criteria for general quality hasn’t changed too much: good acting, good directing, tight editing, tight script, humor and/or drama that hits where it’s supposed to. Nor has my criteria for what makes a Premiere, specifically, stand out as a Premiere and what takes it to the next level, so once more, here’s that list:

Establish the tone, setting, and premise for the season

Introduce an important change, shift, or moment in the series that sets the season apart and/or make it clear to the audience why we’re starting where we are

Establish and/or re-establish the characters and characterization— the characters should still feel like themselves, and shouldn’t act too differently from how they act in other episodes, but they should still feel like they’re developing throughout the show, particularly if that development is directly related to the Important Change mentioned above

Stand out from the season in a way that doesn’t feel jarring or out of place— it should feel like a part of its own season, while also setting itself apart in a positive and memorable way

Now, resentfully, I thought of adding some criteria for clarity, such as not retconning, not undermining the drama of previous episodes (especially Finales), or perhaps emphasize the positive part of “setting itself apart in a positive and memorable way”… but the more I thought about it, the more I realized that mostly just applies to one episode in particular, and it’s not worth altering the entire list just because one specific episode pisses me off enough to warrant a low ranking despite technically qualifying for a lot of these on paper.

So since I tend to list from Worst->Best so I can save the best for last, why don’t we start with that episode so you can see what I mean?

#4: “Alex Tells the World” (Season Four)

(Pictured: Me during this entire shitshow)

No, I don’t hate Season 4, and yes, this episode does a decent job of setting up the general conflict and story arc for it, and yes, like I said, this episode technically qualifies for a lot of the criteria I just mentioned. There’s just one little problem: I. Don’t. Like. It. And it’s my list, so I can rank it wherever I want. *long-suffering sigh* Let’s get into it.

The first part of this episode starts off strong enough: as a continuation of the S3 Finale, the Russos have finally returned home, after hitching rides, taking buses, and a whole lot of walking (or in Alex’s case, riding their werewolf boyfriend’s back. Side note: why the hell didn’t he just wolf up instead of walking in human form? It seems like that would’ve been a lot easier on him, but whatever, that’s the least of my problems with this episode). The stakes are high: They’ve lost their powers, Justin exposed magic to the government, Professor Crumbs and several other wizards have been taken captive, and their Wizard Portal has shut down. So what’s next?

As it turns out, a whole lot of nothing. Literally. Their solution is “do nothing.” Business as usual. There is no war in Ba Sing Se, we have always been at peace with Eurasia. When Alex understandably goes, “Fuck that noise, there are people in danger, and something needs to be done,” they’re upset that the laziest girl on Earth wants to do something for once. Granted, what she wants to do is expose magic to get the people to recognize that wizards are just like everyone else and help them stand up to the unfair government. People have a right to be skeptical of this plan, as there’s no guarantee the people will react the way she hopes they will, there’s no real way to prove her powers at this point because they’ve been taken away, thus no guarantee that they’ll even believe her and a high chance they’ll lock her in some kind of asylum, and of course, it’s been drilled into them over and over that exposing magic is a big no-no.

But Alex insists it’s the only way. Sure, it’s a huge risk, and it’s breaking protocol in all kinds of ways, but some things are more important than rules, and when lives are on the line, you have to prioritize helping others over protecting yourself, and you can’t just sit around and stay silent. Right? Right?

Please, this is the backwards wizard world we’re talking about! The place where revolutionaries and new ideas literally go to die (yes, I’m still salty about Stevie). So of course, this ends up being an absolute disaster and it all turns out to be everyone’s favorite trope: All Just a Dream! Or, in this case, even more frustratingly, it’s all just a mirage manufactured by Professor Crumbs to test their commitment to secrecy. That’s the ethos here, folks. Snitches get stitches, no exceptions. That’s it. Hell, we don’t even get the excuse of the mortals reacting negatively and agreeing with the government that wizards need to be subjugated, we don’t get anything, because he generates that little swirl thing before we can see how they might have reacted.

(Also, there was literal thunder accompanying his reveal, are y’all trying to convince me this man is not a supervillain? Come on.)

While I did appreciate Justin getting called out for hypocritically criticizing Alex for something he did as well (and first!), and his little back-and-forth before he duplicates himself, the fact that he throws himself under the bus immediately in the name of “truth and justice” is bullshit. Truth, I’ll grant you. Justin is often honest to a fault, and lawful to a fault too, so him throwing himself under the bus makes sense, but let’s not call it what it isn’t. There was nothing “just” about any of this. Case in point, Alex tells the court that the government facility didn’t exist, because it didn’t, because CRUMBS invented it, BECAUSE HE TOLD HER SO HIMSELF, only to get “proven wrong” by the crystal ball of Totally Not Biased Framing because are you kidding me. How exactly would that conversation have gone if she’d answered yes? He probably would have done the same thing!

“So you just… made all of that up. Who does that?”

“The boss-man does.”

The trial, much like the “test,” was not about flaws in their character, it was exposing a flawed system, and a flawed man. Justin and Alex didn’t just expose magic for no reason, Justin was tricked by a fake recording into believing aliens were attacking Earth, and Alex was tricked by a fake everything into believing this show had actual stakes and integrity that wizards were being held captive. How is this anything but a show of force and a display of power, a reminder that they have no real control over their own destinies or anyone else’s? They never had a chance, this wasn’t about giving them a shot to prove their innocence or their commitment to the wizard world. This was about telling them that Crumbs can do whatever the fuck he wants to fuck with them, for any reason, make it look like it’s their fault, somehow actually convince them that it is, and there is fuck-all they can do about it. The wizarding world is a goddamn dystopia, that’s the lesson here, fight me.

I will amend that having Max come out in front and putting Alex and Justin back to Level 1 is certainly an interesting plotline and they set up the rest of the season pretty decently. I’ll also admit that Harper is iconic from start to finish and Mason is haplessly adorable, if not exactly very helpful. This episode isn’t all bad, but it took something that was so much cooler and more interesting, the idea of having to save wizards from the government and possibly live in a world that knew the truth about magic, and made it into something frighteningly authoritarian instead.

While the other episodes on this list are far lower stakes and may tick less “Premiere” boxes, none of them are guilty of being this utterly disrespectful of its audience, or of flagrantly prioritizing plot over logic to this insane of a degree, so right before I launch into those, I would like to say a hearty FUCK YOU to this episode and to so many things about it.

(I promise the rest of this list will be a lot less ranty, I just had to get that out of the way.)

#3: “Franken Girl” (Season Three)

This episode is a lot like how I imagine Max’s room: messy, but in a fun way. This episode’s fun! And considering a lot of it revolves around a girl laughing and clapping her hands in a deep voice bumbling around, it’s actually a bit more clever than even I initially gave it credit for before rewatching it recently.

It starts off with one of the most underrated and underutilized dynamics on the show: Alex and Max teaming up for typical sibling mischief, watching a 3-D movie they stole out of Justin’s room together. (*nostalgic sigh* I remember when 3-D glasses were blue and red…) Then, of course, we get into the real plot focus: Justin scheming to punish Alex and keep her from stealing his stuff, and Alex scheming to ruin his plans for her own amusement. While they’re against each other for pretty much the whole episode, it’s in a fun, sibling-fighting, “I family-hate you” sort of way, rather than out of any real malice (which… unfortunately does become more of a Thing this season, but not here, so I won’t dwell on it just yet).

What strikes me about this episode is not that Justin comes out on top, but how he does it, and he does it in two key ways. The first is a sort of “ironic punishment”: You want to steal things out of my room? Fine. Here’s my Franken-Girl. She’s all yours. But when that backfires and Alex starts to enjoy her newfound friendship, he comes up with a backup plan to force them to be cheerleaders together. And just as a side note, I love the reveal of Harper being a cheerleader, how she was able to keep it secret from Alex, and that she threw the “wizard” secret back in her face when Alex got mad at her for not telling her. Being a cheerleader makes perfect sense for Harper’s character, yet is something Alex wouldn’t (and didn’t) expect from her (at least, not when it comes to school spirit… Alex is perfectly content to let Harper be her cheerleader, but that’s an analysis for another time).

But while the cheerleading thing seemingly appeared out of random when I watched it as a child, rewatching it I realized it’s actually set up pretty well. Jerry and Theresa put Harper up to encouraging Alex to do extracurriculars so she can get into college, which gives Alex a reason to sneak into Justin’s room to lie and get past his “Alex-proofing,” and then the thing he used to “Alex-proof” his room is also what he uses to force her into the very extracurriculars the rest of the family wanted her to do in the first place.

It works out so well for everyone that I almost wonder if, consciously or not, Justin was also using his revenge to look out for her in a way. Even as he gleefully sits back and watches Alex’s humiliation, he’s also given his parents exactly what they wanted, brought her and Harper closer together, and even benefitted Alex’s resume for the future, though she’s too busy feeling all embarrassed to notice at the moment. I would say this episode is Justin at his best: a little mischievous, a little uptight, hella intelligent, and ultimately doing good by his family. I like him enough in this episode that I don’t even mind too much Theresa heaping the “perfect son” label on him… even if it’s pretty harsh that she does this with Max sitting right there at the time.

In terms of setting up the rest of the season, I would say the real setup doesn’t really come until “Monster Hunters,” but it’s not bad. Both Frankie and the cheerleading thing do come up again in later episodes, so I can’t argue it doesn’t have impact. It doesn’t have much impact, as both the other episode with Frankie and the other episode involving cheerleading pretty much do away with those things as soon as possible and are then never mentioned again, but I’m not really mad about that. It might be worth arguing that in both this and “Three Monsters,” Frankie’s “personhood” isn’t given a lot of thought, but I’m not invested enough in her character to be truly troubled by it, so I can live with the mild discomfort there. All in all, a half-decent Premiere and a pretty good episode.

#2: “Crazy 10-Minute Sale” (Season One)

Remember when we all thought Gigi was gonna be an important character? Me too! So they do that thing TV shows (especially Pilots) often do where they introduce a character by saying, “Remember? The character that did this thing in the past that we the audience are just learning about for the first time?” But it doesn’t stand out too much in my opinion, because she’s explaining this to Jerry, who isn’t interested in schoolgirl squabbles, and thus it makes sense that, as her parent who has different priorities, he might be a little oblivious to this.

Despite that, one of the things I love about this episode and about the early seasons in general is that Jerry’s actually pretty smart here, and competent when it comes to magic even though he doesn’t have it himself. As its Pilot, this episode not only introduced the characters, but introduced the formula that defined the show initially: they learn a spell in class from Jerry, crack a few jokes and don’t appear to absorb the lesson, then end up using the spell later and setting the plot in motion, and eventually get discovered by Jerry and resolve the situation. It’s a good formula, and while I don’t mind that they mixed it up in later seasons, it worked for a long time, and it works here.

There are other staples of Season 1 in particular that I enjoy revisiting in this: Justin being mischievous, laidback, and just as imperfect as the other siblings when it comes to learning magic; Gigi’s posse getting nose jobs to match hers; and of course, who could forget the Monotone Lady? While I enjoy later-seasons Harper more as a character in general, I do enjoy sweet, naïve Harper here too, and the fact that she’s still cunning enough as Alex’s bestie to lie to Theresa and help her hide. I don’t know how well it blends into the show as a whole, but that’s mostly because the show changes so much after Season 1 and becomes a lot of different things over time, and I still think it’s pretty seamless with the rest of the season it established. It might blend in a little too well — as in, I forgot that this is the episode where the show started, because so many of the early episodes blend together in my head and don’t really stand out from each other — but it’s solid as an episode, if only barely scratching the surface of everything the show would become.

#1: “Smarty Pants” (Season Two)

Ah, Dean. Speaking of “characters that were really important until they weren’t,” his introduction and presence very clearly marks this as a Season 2 Premiere in particular, and that’s exactly how it should be. As mentioned above, the mark of a good Premiere is that it both establishes and feels like a part of its season, and this episode goes a long way to do both. Dean’s introduction does a lot of things for Alex and the show: it gets her forgettable first-season Love Interest Riley out of the way, who barely cared about or noticed Alex, and replaces him with a G-rated “bad boy” who’s clearly into her, which later pays off in an arc about Alex experiencing her first real relationship, her first love, and her first breakup.

And Dean isn’t the only character introduced, we also have Zeke Beakerman helping Justin with the Quiz Bowl, and being hammily dorky alongside him as he gloats to Harper about his “victory.” Technically, Dan Benson, the actor who played him, showed up in Season 1 twice, once as a draft character called Zack Rosenblatt, and once as an unnamed “Friend #1,” but this is the first time we get a proper introduction to the lovable nerd that would become Justin’s friend for the rest of the show (and ironically Harper’s boyfriend, which you’d never guess from this episode, although given Justin’s behavior here you might not also guess that Harper was still head-over-heels for him at this point either— bottom line, neither of them are at their most attractive or appealing here, but they are fun).

But the real mark of change comes from the re-establishment of a character we already know and love: Harper. While she still wears her crazy fruit outfits, Harper wants to be known as more than the “food-for-clothes” girl around school, to rebrand herself, reboot herself if you will. There’s some meta-significance to Harper wanting to be known as smart in addition to… shall we say creative with fashion, and indeed, this is the season where Harper starts to grow into her own. It’s not the episode where Harper learns the wizard secret, but it does establish a Harper who’s willing to talk back to Alex and who’s willing to assert herself, all of which go a long way in her development over the course of the show.

The fact that Alex is willing to embarrass herself, step back, and give Harper the reins to get back in her good graces also establishes the beginning of the show’s evening out of this dynamic. While Harper is still ultimately the better and more selfless friend throughout the show, this marks the beginning of a sassy, savvy Harper who acts as Alex’s voice of reason, and soon enough won’t be kept in the dark, either. Goodbye, naïve everygirl, hello confident, competent, and proper Foil to Alex’s shenanigans.

And that, my dear readers, is more than enough to start you off with. I’ve certainly got more to say as we go further into this month, and further into analysis of this chaotic hot mess show that I love, but this will do for now. Stay tuned for more Ranked posts and more Wizards of Waverly Place content on this blog in general, happy “Not What It Seems” November!

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