#many of the ppl i would Wanna tell like know abt this blog and have access to it or whatever. ifk this is all so dumb. i want to talk abt it
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favorite experience(s) with loki!!
sorry i love hearing abt him 😭😭 i wanna see like the differences between how he interacts w me n other ppl <3
love ur blog btw!! <3
I’m glad you like my blog 🦈
I still don’t have major experiences with Loki, apart from dreams, because of various reasons I will talk about now.
I always have been interested in him as a deity since I started my spiritual journey, he seemed so interesting and to be honest also fun to be around, but I wanted to get him to teach me some things.
Because of my anxiety I’ve became very serious and precautious (is that even a word-) and so scared of change. After some time I decided it was the case to start moving things, just to embrace change and not be afraid of it. And I knew that Loki would be the best to teach me that. So I reached out to him and he replied immediately, I asked for a sign and also got confirmation by a friend that works with him too, he said he was happy to start working with me (ngl i was giggling).
But then, just after that, my mental health declined so my spiritual practice was completely gone and I got detached from my deities. I only had few contact with Lucifer (as I feel like he’s my patron, but I don’t have confirmation yet). I just recently got back into my practice so I still have to experience many things with him, but he appeared a few times in my dreams and helped me with some things.
I still have to really take my practice back, but my motivation isn’t the best, I don’t even know why. I’m actually doing better because of the tons of meds I’m taking, yet my deity work sucks and I even feel ashamed to get back to the deities and say sorry again like I always did when I disappeared. Some of them understand and are completely patient, like Anubis and Hermes, but others like Lucifer and Leviathan are yeah still somewhat patient but they want me to make constant action and yk their is a tough love, but I mean of course its like that lol they’re infernals.
They all give me great advice when I talk to them, they are extremely motivating and they cheer me up, always, they really believe in me and are always there for me.
As some of the people that follow me have notice I started channeling just recently but only with my dr loved ones, so I want to try and channel my deities too. I just am kind of stuck because I feel like their presence would be too much, for example the first time I called upon Anubis I sensed an incredibly humbling and ancient energy (but extremely comforting).
Enough on rambling, I haven’t even replied to your question I’m so sorry 😭 but again I don’t have many experiences with him, I want to know yours though so if you want to tell me let me know!
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if you really were in your 40s you seriously need to update your bio to 21+ and not 18+. especially with the themes on your blog it can come off as creepy and pedo ish
bestie i'm a bit confused by this message, n i feel like there's a lot to unpack here for what's essentially a single sentence.
first of all, there's the fact that the text is red, which i suppose is meant to indicate that this is a warning of sorts or that i'm in error somehow like if my attempt at creating a password didn't include the correct combination of length n special characters or wtv. this was strange to see upon opening my inbox, n it strikes me as a bit aggressive/reprimanding in a manner that does not lead me to feel that ur offering counsel in good faith.
second, it seems ur insinuating that i'm lying abt my age, which to my mind establishes a dynamic of distrust, and for what reason i do not know.
third, u proceed to dictate what i seriously need to do if perchance i'm not lying abt my age. that's p fucking weird n rude n presumptuously authoritarian, and i have to wonder if u could possibly have believed that i'd be receptive to such an approach. i mean, u mention my blog's content, so u must have at least some cursory awareness of my general attitude, no? or maybe as my anonymous overlord who also happens to be the supreme arbiter of social dynamics, such trivial matters as actually communicating w the person ur admonishing is of little import. or perhaps ur just appallingly bad at human interaction, in which case i won't hold it against u as long as ur willing to reflect on that n make some changes including but not limited to staying in ur lane.
fourth, putting 18+ (and, u know, MDNI in multiple places) is creepy n pedo-ish? but also somehow changing that to 21+ would alleviate ur concerns? to my mind, this is so misguided on so many levels that i truly do not know where to begin, but hey i'll give it a try anyway..
let's pretend that u didn't just errantly apply to adults a term that is reserved by its very definition for atrocious acts n desires towards prepubescent children. furthermore, let's pretend u didn't just come to my inbox n associate that term w me. actually, i'd better backtrack n ask u to pause for a moment bc ur probably still thinking abt the fact that i made that distinction n r likely now running some dialogue in ur mind abt how fucking gross i am for even calling out the semantics. ofc i could be wrong abt what ur thinking, but if u do find urself thinking along those lines, then i'm going to take this opportunity to tell u that u seriously need to talk to adult survivors of prepubescent sexual abuse and explain to them why u feel their experience is categorically the same as that of an adult choosing to have sex w someone u personally deem inappropriately older, n then convince them that it's fair to erase the distinction as it pertains to their own experiences.
where was i?
okay, so now let's pretend age gap sex is intrinsically pathological until the younger partner reaches 21 n so therefore 18+ vs 21+ categorically changes the dynamics: even then what exactly is ur premise here? do u think that my intent is to fuck anyone n everyone who looks at my blog? or that i even just want to fuck anyone n everyone who looks at my blog? r u the kind of person who sees someone's horny post n then dms them inappropriately as tho it was written to u personally? literally what the fuck? if a profile on a hookup app is asking for 18+, u'd have grounds to believe the user is seeking sex w ppl at least 18 yrs old, but this is not a hookup app; it's a microblogging platform ffs. like, there is no shortage of blogs that i follow here for art, science, fandoms, cats, moths, religious iconography, knives, symbology, gore, spirituality, etc. do u think i wanna fuck all those bloggers too, or only if they happen to follow this blog as opposed to one of my others? if that's how ur mind works, i'd suggest u put 200+ in ur bio bc i personally do not think adults of any age should have to suffer exposure to u, but even so i do think that adults who would choose to do so have every right to do so (assuming ur not posting the kinds of things ur ostensibly condemning in ur message to me, in which case they would not have the right).
now wrt 18+ being an issue: do u think i should be protecting adults from kink or from my sense of humor or what? do u not believe adults should be allowed agency until age 21? or is that just wrt looking at tumblr blogs? maybe just mine? or just blogs run by bloggers 40 n over? was 18+ okay w u when i was 39? 35? 30? 29? do u have some kind of table w a range of adult ages on one axis n various activities on the other? maybe w green checkmarks or red exes at the intersections? is it a case by case basis? is there some kind of puritanical mental gymnastics to be performed so that an integer value pops out from the ether? r u gonna share the formula?
am i completely missing smth here? is there some key information abt the age of 21* that i'm not privy to? srsly, bc if there is such a thing then i'm wholly unaware of it but would v much like to be made aware, and i earnestly invite u to provide me w the relevant information.
if u take nothing else from my response, plz stop misusing that term bc by doing so u r erasing not simply the scale but rather the profound developmental damage of an atrocity that does not track proportionately w age. and to anyone who would choose to do that willfully n knowingly just for the sake of rhetorical impact, i say fuck u bc ur a piece of shit.
if u actually want to have a conversation in good faith, talk to me off anon. just don't fucking coming back here associating those kinds of labels w me, n don't presume to tell me (like some kind of fascist) what i need to do, especially not while invalidating the lived experiences of those who've suffered in one of the worst ways imaginable.
*as i sit here thinking abt it, i actually would not be surprised if 18 yr olds on avg r less inclined to make bad decisions than 21 yr olds on average, but i'd need to see a whole lot of data that most definitely does not exist in any reliable representative form.
bleh.
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(If you don't wanna post this feel free not to but I was kinda inspired but way to afraid to come off anon and respond to the original pokemon ask)
I totally agree with the concept that in a pokemon based our life au cove and mc would catch each other pokemon but here's my thought. Not sobble or wishi-washi but what about a young cove telling mc his favorite flower is the white poppies like in the original game. And young mc remembers and goes out of their way to catch him a white flower flabèbè. And little MC tells cove, "I know moving somewhere can be scary but now you have another friend for when I can't be with you." And cove treat the flabébé with like the up most care will very rarely have it actually battle but is always in his party (with exp. share ofc). He can never bring himself to evolve the pokemon even if mc reassures him that they wouldn't mind. (Imagine battling cove wiping out the rest of his team only to face off against a lol 100 flabébé. RIP ur team). And when one day cove asks you to marry he sends his flabébé to get bring you to him on poppy hill. Instead of proposing with the the flower himself he has his pokemon hold the ring. And he says something cheesy like, "You were my first friend and you gave me my second friend. You've always looked out for us and we both love you." But yeah come would move heaven and earth for that pokemon just because mc went through all that effort and we know he's the most sentimental man on earth.
Side note- I could totally see like a 13 year old Lizze ironically gifting cove a Sobble for his birthday. Like just a pokeball in a box with a note that says, "A cry baby lizard for my sister's cry baby boyfriend". But secretly she hopes they get along and that he likes it but Liz can never resist being a little mean.
P.S. So sorry to ramble about a topic you don't know in your ask box but I was kinda feeling it.
P.S.S. Love your writing and your blog
P.S.S.S. If anybody is interested I have some ideas for pokemon cove would gift mc lol.
STOP IT IM CRYING... PROPOSING W THE POKEMON....
HE SO WOULD DO THAT TOO, pls.... he drives me wild
also its okay!!! trust me i love when ppl ramble to me abt anything, my friends have gone on many tangents n i have to them too, n we're all friends here<333 so pls tell me abt all your little thoughts, I may not know anything but I do know Pokémon is the shit n if I had enough brain compacity I'd learn it myself but I'm still vv happy to hear everything you or anyone has to say abt anything bc trust me it's all fascinating n I'm over here w star eyes LMAO
n tysm🥹 knowing ppl like my writing makes me very happy<3 writing is very rewarding and some days are tough for me but getting to make myself n others happy w all my little word spills makes me feel good💞💕💞
also YES!!! we'd love to hear abt your Pokémon cove ideas, omg that's how he and mc bond when he first moves into town.... crying
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dude i don’t wanna start anything but someone called moonlane is saying you’re race faking and i just wanna make sure it’s not true because yk,, that’s fucked up if you are.
hhhhhhh
okay saur. that person didn’t publicly say it was me at least as far as i know but they apparently are going around dming ppl abt me & i was informed by a mutual who licherally knows me and has seen my selfies before bc obviously accusations of racefaking aren’t just jokes. so this tells me you probably are mutuals with them and they told you my url and that’s why you’re here so you absolutely are tryna start smth but i digress.
this whole racefaking bullshit started last february when this demented blog wocs started dog piling on rpf blogs and then spread a rumour i’m racefaking and sending her slurs bc telling me to kill myself nonstop for a week just wasn’t enough. that same day, i posted selfies that i kept up for 4 hours bc i’m not a freak who would lie abt my race for what?? tumblr clout?? who knows me lmao this is a stupid lil blog for me to fuck around with my friends. what clout could i possibly be getting.
anyway that moonlane person told my friend and i’m assuming you and several more ppl i’m racefaking without any evidence other than that wocs girl speaking on me & put me in a position where i had to send a picture of myself and my family members to said friend to prove i’m actually arab and black. never mind that i’ve posted selfies on this blog many times before and deleted them bc a zendaya stan lied abt doxxing me on twitter 😀 never mind that i’ve facetimed with mutuals on here and regularly send selfies to my friends on discord bc i trust them & ppl on this app have proven to me time and time again y’all are untrustworthy hoes 😀
so i’m only gonna say this one last time: i am not racefaking. i would never do smth so fucking idiotic and pointless, especially not to gain 12 followers on this app. that moonlane girl and wocs just wanted to talk shit abt me and accuse me of being racist bc i don’t eat the crust out of zendaya’s drawers and of course the only reason someone doesn’t like a celebrity is bc of racism and they can’t say i’m racist if i’m licherally half black too they gotta come up with smth. in conclusion you can all suck my clit. peace & love ❤️
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me, realizing i was gon follow a few ppl but i dont have my verses or anything rly up yet: …. so anYWAYS
some fun things bc im not gonna be on a comp until tomorrow then ill only be here mon wednes and surprisingly fri/sat next week, maybe some lil funzies mostly abt cassie bc shes my baby
obvi (if u kno me if not welcome im brina my brain doesnt work) i have multiple verses im just dumb and havent posted them, i gotta rewrite a lot of them to be shorter too bc i give full character backstories for everything as it develops and ik most ppl dont wanna read that so it takes longer for me to do things bc im ‘tistic and short quick explanations is not my fortay. main doodads tho: 1, 3-7 are fantasy worlds specifically, 2 is overall in any world, 8 onwards is purely human verses
generally with other fantasy worlds, i’ll have it where cassie ended up in your universe. Whilst my Wonde/rland is largely built off my own thoughts and things now, and various points of lore, the 2009 S/yfy A/lice was a base for it. A/merican M/cgee’s Alice is the base inspo for Cassie’s cheshire cat, but she’s also her own thing. (fun fact: originally i was writing her as the d/ormouse from b/urtons wonderl/and, but as she grew further from that canon w my never writing in that universe, she became my own character ultimately and holds few similarities to her origin now, including species! but her twin brother is still ‘proper’ dormo/use, yes it makes sense, its more a title than a species in this world)
Cassie is… moldable, mentally, to say the least. When someone finds her in whatever world she ends up in, whether its a fantasy world or not (as she ofc just lives wherever in non fantasy aus) she.. tends to be easier to manipulate because she will get attached to people just for being nice to her. she isn’t used to it. it’s rare for there to be a universe where this isn’t an issue for her (also of note bc dual muse blog: willys the manipulator, and shes the manipulatee) honestly she’s morally grey anyways and doesn’t really understand morality as a whole, so if shes found by a villain and they just.. treat her like a person, she will get attached. and cassie being attached can be dangerous, not just for others, but for herself, because she’s loyal to a fault. if she makes friends w multiple ppl and they fight, she wont know what to do because she just can’t bring herself to believe either person is wrong. it’s also of note that in most fantasy verses, she’d been locked up, abandoned in a cell, for years. She doesnt tend to talk and, despite trying to push a tough and uncaring act, she’s still scared. she’s still traumatized. a lot of the time she wont even talk. this is the everything tab also so be aware she has a scar over her right eye, and her right eye is a silvery blue verses her normal blue eye. she’s also pretty much blind in her right eye, but the color is due to heterochromia. her twin brother has one blue and one green.
she is very noticeably neurodivergent when you talk to her, and as many fellow a/utistics point out, cats tend to have similar personalities to us anyways (ive seen a many point out that if you can handle a cats support needs you can handle ours lol). usually shes fixated on something, but she’ll also use trickery of the tongue to get out of things when need be. she’ll unintentionally speak in riddles that make perfect sense to her, but others feel a need to solve. however in most universes where she ends up there, i do it post her escaping after the prince of he/arts (who kept her captive for years) overthrows his mother. She ultimately traverses due to remaining look/ing glasses from before the land was taken by the Hearts. Meaning she cannot get back on her own. But, she also does not want to.
It’s very important for the author to be aware that she cannot tell a lie. Muses not understanding is fine, because how would they know when cassie doesn’t know her own heritage in most verses (o/uat is currently pmuch the only fantasy verse where she was raised by her parents, making her aware shes the princess of spades, and aware shes a witch, but still unaware that the reason she cant lie is because shes a fae halfling) Cassie is a Fae Halfling, and fae/witch hybrid. The Fae half itself is a hybrid of Seelie and Unseelie like her father. I use pieces of real lore and pieces of my own here, but it doesnt really come up in writing much anyways. but she cannot lie to anyone, it physically tears into her flesh the moment words leave her lips. the only thing she can do is use trickery words to mis-explain, and even then it can titter the line.
Her cheshire invisibility comes from shapeshifting to match her surroundings, but beyond that she mostly can just change her hair color, slightly change her face for short periods of time, or as most often used and the longest shes capable of holding, turning into a silver blue cat.
fae wise her powers are largely elemental, water focused, and she doesnt know how it works. the faerie power she has most control over involves her own blood, which she can turn into crystalized weapons when shes bleeding. most often she’ll be using her witch abilities. in some aus, your character may see she has strange looking bands on her wrists and locked into place, meant to look like bracelets but unable to be removed. They’re power blockers placed on her by the prince of h/earts to ensure she couldn’t break out again. they keep her from using her powers, from healing, and otherwise.
her makeup made her an omen to the remaining fae of wo/nderland, which there arent many left there. they wanted to slaughter her father as well, but never managed to make it as he was too brutally powerful for them, either. The Fae had believed a seelie/unseelie hybrid, let alone a fae/witch hybrid, would bring death upon the whole of their kind. Ironically… Cassie’s technically a necromancer, and can give part of herself to bring others back to life permanently, or use weaker magic to bring them back temporarily. As such, when she dies, she tends to always come back, and oft with more power than before, and even less self control. She’s also the only reason her twin brother is still alive, but he wont admit to that.
purely human verses, she still doesn’t lie, but it largely relates more to the a/utism than anything else. she doesn’t like to lie in the first place, but has little qualms about confusing others when they get confused by her speaking normally. she doesn’t see a point in fixing that, especially when she can simply say a confusing, convoluted version of the truth to get out of actually admitting anything.
usually, because when i first wrote her a few years ago i actually combined her and this canon iteration (as shes basically what cassie would become if pushed fully to the limit) whos name i took, i’ll have her be the adopted daughter (and bio relative) of A/lcina D/imitrescu, with her sharing that name. Meaning she’s in her family’s wine business. She’s much more distrusting of men, between nearly being killed by one after watching him kill most of her family, kidnapped by him for blackmail until she found a way out, and her mother (alcina’s) own severe hatred of them. but still, honestly, if you’re nice to her she’s probably gonna get confused and fall for it.
theres also verses w @mastermiinded where shes E/llington F/eints daughter, thats probably the most normal cassie you’ll ever get if you want those but also she has a mom who loves her and was raised in a universe heavily involving a cult. she’s kind of bitchier tbh LOL
funnily enough, she is still always ready to attack at any given moment.
she knows a lot of knife tricks, and many would argue she likely belongs in a circus of some sort. she doesn’t like that argument, but she does know how to do multiple knife tricks, swallow swords, and do various slight of hand tricks. all while being blind in her right eye.
put in a multitude of self defense training, and for a brief time was even made her mothers bodyguard, she knows how to fight and she knows how to kill. whether or not she wants to is its own debacle.
if someone is out to get her and sb else tries to help, shes not gonna be cool w it bc she doesnt want others risking themselves for her, and it makes her feel like shes been kidnapped and locked up all over again.
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ok not to be like dumb but i have 3 classes and work tmrrw and i think im gonna skip one of my classes like i just can’t do it rn
#i went to that class the day she **** and it was just. not good and im not back in the headspace to be able to pay attention and we’re gonna#be doing group work anyway. might skip my morning virtual class too idk. im not gonna skip my discussion in the evening its just 6 ppl and#it won’t be that bad but being in a lecture and lie… idk. i shouldn’t skip class but i just need to take a breath#work im just designing rn and i can get lost in it and do it at my own pace and not have to use the part of my brain i need to use to#process this. it feels like a cop-out but like . yeah i really am feeling it now mr krabs#idk what to do like if my parents find out they’ll be upset bc they’re not stopping work / school and neither is my brother. but i foktnhavr#to tell anyone what im doing. but i want to. idk this all sucks so bad like i wish this wasn’t happening lolllllll#and also like not to be COMPLETELY stupid but like a lot of ppl (including some of u) have been likeim here if i need to talk ahd#like how do u take ppl up on that if it’s been a day or two and how do u choose which person bc like god. that’s why i do it on here bc so#many of the ppl i would Wanna tell like know abt this blog and have access to it or whatever. ifk this is all so dumb. i want to talk abt it#and i also don’t and im so tired and i have so much energy. i think I need to drop out like i can’t even afford this what am i doing. and th#there’s like no poin in doing anything until after i get back from the memorial in mid ocotber so like lol#purrs#death tw#i feel bad abt cherry picking and only going to the things i want to go to tomorrow but like. something very terrible just happened and i#need to take care of myself or something. which feels selfish but i know it isn’t but i don’t believe myself when i say it. idk im#going to bed now i think and i’ll email my profs in the morning and then sleep more like 🥴 like she really is not here anymore. she isnt. ok
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i feel the same way as you. i'll write something and it will take me, lets just say, hours and then another day just to proof read it. then that fic will only get barley 100 notes. but if i write a fic that takes less than an hour to write and proof read, it will get nearly 300 notes. that's kind of frustrating because the fics that take the longest are the least popular ones in my case.
i honestly wish there was a way to see how many people view your posts. because i'm sure if views were added to a fics notes, there would be 1000s of notes on so many peoples writing. but unfortunately you only know someone read or saw your fic by liking or reblogging it.
i also find that series are the hardest to get notes on. not in all cases like yours persay because your DI series in general gets a lot of interaction. but i have a series and it gets like 30 notes per fic where my one shots or blurbs will get between 100 to 300 notes. so that's why i mainly stick to random one shots or blurbs because i find people tend to like a change of story line. but again, that's for my case specifically.
that's where wattpad wins over tumblr. but then again, their tagging system is so bad that it is honestly a near miracle to get any recognition on there
maybe your readers are just generally more into shorter pieces. there's nothing wrong abt that!
my issue is- it's been doing well until very recently and it was a good 13-14 chapters in when i started noticing a drop in notes which coincided with ppl telling me they weren't seeing the posts on their dash, the tags are actually preventing ppl from seeing stuff instead of bringing in new ppl, so on so forth.
i tend to think it's tumblr's fault but i let it get to me sometimes and wonder if it's more to it than that. and also it's just frustrating. like, i want everyone that started it to get to read it til the end 🥺
but yes i won't deny it, ppl not reblogging is a real issue but, again, i'll never demand it. ppl have their own reasons for not reblogging. even if it's just the fact that they're jerks🤣
ok too harsh but like... at least leave an anonymous ask with a bit of feedback if you don't want smut on your blog?
and if you wanna write longer pieces, by all means, do what YOU enjoy doing! not what your readers prefer. like don't feel you have to compromise your creative energy
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good morning mutuals and everyone else on tumblr who is cool and made my year! this is gonna be my mutuals appreciation post 2020 because if anything good happened this year then it's getting to know all of you guys so there's that. i love you all so so sooo much and always love to see y'all and your gif sets / memes / crack posts /rants / edits and so on and so forth on my dash. you made this year beautiful and i just wanna thank u for that!💘💘 (also im sorry if the picture above activates anyone's fight response i just thought that it would fit if i went back to where it all started)
@engelkeijsers mare my love i don't even have words to describe how much i love you and am happy to have you in my life. i consider you one of my closest friends by now and that's why i always message you whenever exciting shit happens in my life (or whenever shit goes down that ofc depends🤪). our phone calls were so fucking funny and i loved talking to you sooo much i can't wait to meet you in real life one day!!💖 please feel hugged you're such a beautiful human.
@dreamaur ann my beloved mutual i love you from the bottom of my heart and just wanna thank you for being the cute bitch that u are who always remembers our mutuals anniversary like....🥺🥺 i just love that we always watch and read and stan the same things like what kind of soulmutuals behavior is this?. can't wait for s&b to air so we can always freak out about kaz and inej and everyone else together. i'm kissing your cheek and wish you the absolute best for 2021 because u deserve the best😽
@sotorubio silja i love you and your blog so much you just have such a galaxy brain and you're so eloquent and your blog is one of the few that i check on regularly because i don't wanna miss a single post you make. here's a fun fact before i properly got to know you i thought that you were sooo intimating i don't even know why and then we started talking at some point and i was like "hold on a second they are SO lovely and warm actually and not intimating at all hdhdh" as you might have figured out by now i always love talking to you about skames or rant about 13rw and everything else. i just love u!!!🧡
@helmtaryn aurore you are probably the first person who ever started talking to me on here and so it all began and we always talked abt skam france before s6 started and during and you're just such a wonderful person!! thank you for always being there for me and helping me with my french homework i truly cannot thank you enough for that because you're constantly saving my ass jdhd. you're just so fun to talk to and such a talented gif maker like... for real your gif sets always knock me out and you're always so original in what you gif🥺❣
@geminibf i know i've told you that before but your blog is my comfort blog on here literally just seeing your posts on my dash always makes my day and you're one of the most beautiful ppl i've ever known like how do you even manage to do that🥺💘 plus you're sooo talented at this point im convinced that there's absolutely nothing that you cannot do so yeah i have no idea where this sentence is going but i guess what im trying to tell u is that i love u and im so happy to be ur friend
@alterlovex niiiii❣❣❣ you're not even like a tumblr mutual you're like my tumblr sister (figure out what the hell this is supposed to mean jdjd) and you were one of the first people who hyped my stupid posts up and it always made me go 🥺😭. i started following you despite the fact that u had a wtfock icon (honorary) and i absolutely never regretted it. you're so beautiful and warm and so is your blog and i will try to talk more to u again in 2021. im virtually sending you so many flowers🌷🌻🌸💐
@jorgecrespo you're just the coolest bitch alive. i followed you for your skam rankings and stayed for your whole entire personality. every post you make truly just slaps, you never miss, and i relate to you so much jdjd. the way you answer anon messages will forever be my favorite thing about your blog and just the way you talk in general like without even seeing your url i always know when it's you who wrote a post. i love you❕❕💖
@jusdekiwi you and aurore are the reason why french people deserve rights, you are such a lovely and genuine person and i absolutely love you and your chill vibes on your blog. also thank you for helping me out with my french homework thingy once like. thank you so so much for being so lovely and taking your time julia!🌻
@suburbanenigma carmen i love you and all of your posts and just the vibes on your blog!!! also omfg your riverdale side blog always makes me laugh soo much i truly cannot wait for s5 to air so we can make fun of it together because i will live blog the shit out of it too!! you're just one of the coolest bitches ever i don't know how else to say it. i love you and cant wait to talk to you more next year. you're such a blessing for this hellsite🦋✨
@sundaymorninghangover julian you are one of my oldest friends on here and i've loved you ever since i found your blog and figured out that u were a part of the having taste club (skames fandom) too!! you're so chill!!! i love your brain!! i love your posts!!! and most importantly i love you. please keep on blessing my dash with your cool posts because they are definitely appreciated and loved in this house. also i miss your frog icon (please don't hit me in case it wasn't a frog) it just spoke volumes about your vibes but i love ur new one too!! still associate the purple heart with you so here it is 💜💜
@lesbeanfatou clara you simply are an angel. you used to have a nora grace icon and i went: that's it, she's the one, she has taste im gonna follow!! and look it was one of the best decisions ever. you're my favorite chaotic n cool mosquito hater and i just love you so much and you made my year beautiful!! thank you for always listening to me when i came into your inbox to have a break down (positive or negative) over the we feel in love in october girl and thank you for teaching me how make edits!!!💐💘
@aoixe you're one of my favorite skamfr hate blogs and certain men hate blogs (if u know u know) i always love talking and ranting with you and am so glad that we're sometimes just dming!! you're vibes are so cool a d you seem like such a chill person i love you and wish you all the best for 2021!!❣❣
@fatoudixon ana i love you and your blog so so much and especially your druck reaction videos on youtube!! you seem like such a genuine and beautiful person and even though we're not talking much please just know that im always happy to see you on my dash. happy new year to you!!💘💘
@cash-queens sam🥺 you're so sweet and kind this hell site truly doesn't even deserve you but we all love that you're here anyway!! i would protect you with my life and i hope that we will get to talk more in 2021 because you're such a lovely person and for now im just gonna wish u a happy new year✨
@avaceleste sophiaaa💌 you've been here ever since the very beginning of skamfr season 6 and i always love talking to you and long live our eliola jokes, you were probably the person i started this cult with so here is our eliola emoji starterpack one more time in 2020 💏🌧🎬
@hashtag-ohboy-nicetry i have no idea whose side blog this was but the url alone made my entire year🤭🤞
@ random love anon❤ i love you and hope that 2021 will be a good year for you because you absolutely deserve it!!! wishing u nothing but the best i always love to see you around!💐💘
all the other amazing blogs i love and am always happy to see on my dash (doesn't matter if we're mutuals or not)
@floraflorenzi / @bi-kieu-my / @gumptin / @thegirlnooneknows5 / @littleweirdoss / @sohereisthisasshole / @noramachwtz / @nori-in-pink / @ayellowcurtain / @mailinrichter / @ijzermanora / @fudgetunblr / @lesbianfatous / @norgestan / @cfgc / @avaspereira / @theflowerisblue / @smblmn / @jon-astronaut / @amiraamore / @parelmoer / @stqrz 💘❣💐🦋💌🌸
i wish all of you a very happy new year and thank you for all of your gifs, posts, translations, fanfics & edits you all truly make this place beautiful❕💘
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get to know me game!!
tagged by: @tyunni
tagging: @tyuncafe this is suuper long btw so dont mind it if u dont wanna do it!! hehe
what day is your birthday? dec 8th, sunghoons bday 😥 (thats how i heard abt enhypen actually, my friend was like "OMGG u share a bday wirh my bias!!!!")
what’s your favorite color? pink <33 it makes me so happy
what’s your lucky number? 8!!! like my bday date :')
do you have any pets? no :(( want a kitty real bad though
how tall are you? skipping. no comment. next question.
how many pairs of shoes do you have? like THREE and i rotate between two ♥️
favorite song? kpop?? um rn fever by enhypen or ghosting.. non kpop would be amoeba by clairo (shits GOOD plz go listen to it)
favorite movie? not the biggest fan of movies, but im suuper into slasher films/horror!!! so maybe smthng from there??
what would your ideal partner be like? jungwon ♥️ LMAO
do you want children? nope!! love kids but parenting doesnt sound like smthng id want to do unfortunately
have you gotten in trouble with the law? not that i know od?? Dont tell anyone
bath or shower? shower.. i dont thinj ive ever taken a legitimate bath b4, always showered
what color socks are you wearing? soz to say this but socks suck!! also irs 11pm and im in bed BUT THAT STILL STANDS
favorite type of music? like genre?? no clue, but i typically like music that reminds me romantic pining (aka, fever ♥️ or around you by hyunjin)
how many pillows do you sleep with? pillows are four!!! plushies,?? infinite bitch!!
what position do you sleep in? curled up on my side hugging smthng hehe
what you don’t like when you’re sleeping? yk that sleep where like,, ure sleeping... but u feel awake the whole time?? and rhen u wake up fuckin groggy like uve just been lying there.. that.
what do you have for breakfast? no breakfast!!! 2 cool 4 that. also i wake up at like uhh 11am-3pm sometimes
have you ever tried archery? NO!! sharp objections should not be in my possession apparenrly. tch 😒
favorite fruit? strawberries? mangoes?? anything fresh
favorite swear word? no favs, jm too indecisive for that :((
do you have any scars? yea, i dont have a cool story for them though.. i was just a scab picker kid lol
are you a good liar? SHITTY. horrible, the worst. i cant lie dor shit nd it gets me all shcoked everytime someone is like "mai ure LITERALLY so bad at this" during a lying game lol
what’s your personality type? istp-t!! same as huening whoooo 🎉🎉
what’s your favorite type of girl? mean girls...... i jusy like mean ppl in general but mean gurls have a special space in my heart ♥️!! theyre so demonized but as long as theyre not acrually complete assholes (like homophobes, bigots yk?) they r everythint 2 me
innie or outtie? gots an innie :]
left or right handed? right
favorite food? no favs again!!! but SPICY FOOD YUMM
favorite foreign food? probs uhh Bún bò Huế!!! im viet so idk if that counts as "foreign" but omgg ITS SO GOOD
are you clean or messy? messy!! i feel like everythings much more comfy and natural.. not like too messy though
most used phrase? BARK BARK (not proud of this one guys)
how long does it take you to get ready? like 40-60mins... ONLY BC i zone out tthough and forgot im meant to be gettinf ready LOL
do you talk to yourself? Yes. i do <3 thats also why i read&write fanfictions
do you sing to yourself? mhm!!! esp when the songs too good i sing along or throughout the day
are you a good singer? actually, literally not sure at all. i took chorus since like elementary school tho if that helps
biggest fear? heights and commitment ♥️
are you a gossip? what does this mean. but i think?? i like heaeinf gossip but im not tonna get outta my way to talk abt it ?
do you like long or short hair? on myself short!!! but guys&girls nd just everyone in general look so damn good with long hair sometimes
favorite school subject? none lol <33!! school sucks this question pains me every time i see it on back2school answer sheets
introvert or extrovert? introvert, im a lil hermit all cooped up inside my room all the tim3 ://
what makes you nervous? ppl i like are cool!!! or like ppl in general, i cant even order my boba by myself dude
who was your first real crush? i THINK. it mightve been my bff from when i was in 5th grade.. idk if this counts bc i (THINK) but like...... i cried so fucking much when we stopped being friends. it felt like a breakup and im still not over it tbh (tmi?)
how fast can you run? not fast at all but i can JUMP
what color is your hair? black, still have virgin hair!!
do you like your own name? umm tbh no, but my screen name (mai) is my middle name anyways so i dont think that matters too much
what makes you angry? people who dont listen :( pisses me off but tbh i dont get angry often
do you want a boy or a girl as a child? NEITHER. if i had to pick maybe boy but NOOOOO
what are your strengths? ive been told im endearingly stupid (like twice by the same friend) and it stuck with me. like AWWW :(( U THINK IM ENDEARINGG??
what are your weaknesses? id say im too socially anxious, public speaking makes my hands shake and i cant speak so its real bad
what’s the color of your bedspread? like white with blue polka dots ^_^
what’s the color of your room? this nice beige color,, like the color of my blog rn actually!!!! i based it off of jungwons color scheme but ig this works too
#🏷.tagged#🍓.moots#THIS WAS SOO FUNNN#THANK U TYUNNI FOR TAGGING ME#ACK#I HOPE someone reads this OTHERWISE ILL BE EMBARRASSED#or like dont#THERES SO MUCH TMI IN THERE OMG
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hey bestie! just dropping by to say that i love your blog and anytime we’ve interacted you’ve been very kind. i don’t understand the weird judgy/preachy anons that you get. i wonder if they don’t understand how to utilize the block button for content they don’t like. anywaysssss, i think you’re a lovely person who makes good content. i hope you’re having a good week and you don’t let uninformed anons get to you. tell your cat i said pspspsps! 🖤
tysm bestie. i'm v pleased to know u feel that way 🩵
sometimes i'm an asshole, n more frequently than that i can be short w ppl (sometimes even when i don't intend to). i'm far from perfect, n i've been even further from it n def have my share of shit i can look back at n wish i'd handled better (nothing so atrocious as implied here), but the only reason i can look back n feel that way is bc i continuously strive to grow n learn n become more aware. like, i grew up in a time w very different social norms, no access to information that couldn't be found in the local library or experienced firsthand if within biking distance, n was raised by parents from an entirely different culture than where i grew up. we've all got our challenges, but my point is that in many ways my process will have necessarily looked a lot different than it does for a massive amt of the active tumblr base. i'm sure many others here around my age or older or w v different backgrounds from the "average" blogger feel similarly. blah blah but yeah thank u sincerely.
i understand the anons to a point, but it's rly fucking tiresome bc i've talked many times on various iterations of this blog abt problems w age gap relationships, i've answered questions abt how young/old i'd date in great length, most of the women i've dated were roughly the same age as me or older, i was a minor the only times i've had anything approaching sexual contact w a minor (n even then i was the younger partner although not by much), i've pushed ppl away for being too young for me even though they were adults, n i've never pushed someone away for being too old for me, n blah blah barf wtv.
also, ngl, a lot of fucking ppl here r simply ageist, but still i understand the v real threat n the fact that sometimes it's simply a lot smarter to write someone off rather than to give them the benefit of the doubt when the stakes r too high to risk it. however, i wholeheartedly feel like the ppl who come for me here r coming for exactly the wrong person, bc i'm literally over here saying stuff that a massive portion of the population would find reprehensible, n i'm doing it of my own volition. i've talked many times abt my own ongoing effort to integrate the most potentially dangerous n fucked up parts of myself (most of which were put on me n many of which r a result of my v own past bad decisions) into smth healthier n worthwhile. if ppl don't wanna believe that, well, that's not a me problem. unfortunately, however, ppl can still cause v real damage n make it my problem simply by making accusations or mischaracterizing interactions or attributing motivations that don't/didn't/never will exist etc. i wish they'd turn the attention they're giving me to ppl actually out there motivated by a desire for the gross shit instead of coming for someone who isn't motivated by that gross shit n consistently strives to take ownership of his actual shit, but i can't exactly expect anyone to be able to see in the dark.
okay, i'm shutting up abt all this now, but thank u again. my week is going well so far, n i've conveyed ur regards to the silly fuzzball currently purring at my side 🩵
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I never would have thought that Ben had a diagnosis beyond Traumatised but since finding your blog and seeing your perspective and looking into bpd myself it makes so much sense, and has really changed the way I view him, cos I've not always been fair to his character. I really enjoy seeing your perspective, you have a really interesting understanding of the characters. I think Callum is viewed with a bit more empathy, but people don't like it when their faves step out of the acceptable boxes they're in. That's why people have gone off Ruby and Sharon as well, cos they haven't behaved acceptably.
sorry anon but we're best friends now. we're besties. like i could kiss u for this message i really could.
i LOVE that i was able to highlight some things and that you did your own research and reached your own conclusions on these things !!!! that honestly means more to me than you just taking my word for it. bc it just makes so much sense right ??? like i could spot it right away bc looking at him is like looking in a mirror but when even looking at his character from a diagnostic criteria it just ??? makes SO much fucking sense ?? i could honestly talk abt it all day like the man has bpd !! my god !!!! plus i'm all for just generally making ppl more aware of bpd bc not enough ppl even KNOW abt it let alone understand it so ee aside just the fact that you took time out of your life to do a little bit more research to try and learn more and understand makes me wanna cry. like i love u for that i really do.
and i love that you can acknowledge that your perspective on his actions have changed now that you're looking at them as the actions of someone who's mentally ill. tbh it doesn't bother me THAT much when ppl don't understand ben's actions bc like The BPD Experience is just being a constant state of 'now why tf did i do that/why do i feel this way/why would i say that' so i don't expect everyone to understand. but the way people talk about ben sometimes?? especially after the boat crash??? that shit hurt. like on a personal level, some of that stuff really hurt me. which is why im so defensive, not just for him as a character but more for the people who are looking at him and relating to him and his actions only to see people shitting all over him and calling him all sorts of things because of how he was behaving and reacting to everything that was happening to him. so it just. means a lot to me for someone to go 'actually maybe i have been unfair to him'. so thank you <3
i completely agree w u regarding callum, but i also think it's bc ppl know what ptsd is (or at least they think they do lmao). like i think having that little bit more awareness of what ptsd is does mean ppl tend to be more sympathetic, plus the fact that it's being Addressed vs ben which is just this unnamed Thing. PLUS the fact that bpd in and of itself is extremely complicated and all over the place and even some doctors are kind of like ???? so ofc the gp is too lmao its just a combination of things imo but poor ben always ends up w the short straw :-(
but ur SO right abt ppl not wanting their faves to step out of their boxes omg u spilled ESP in regards to ruby !!!!! my god !!! her going evil was the most interesting thing that's happened to her character in lord knows how long and yet !!!! it was like the world was ending my GOD. i just wish ppl would learn the difference between 'bad writing' and 'a writing choice i didn't like/agree with' bc the two aren't the same fucking thing !!!!
but anyway this message meant a lot to me honestly sorry if i went ott lmao but i just feel very Strongly abt this and am very Defensive of ppl w bpd bc there are so many bad and harmful stereotypes out there abt us and ppl just talk so much shit and refuse to learn or even TRY and understand so it means a lot that you did. AND that you took the time to come and tell me abt it. so thank you ily 💕💕💕
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intro post (cleaned up a bit.. again!)
basic summary: my name is dyke/eyez/circus/mask/whatever you wanna call me, im a minor, im nd and a qpoc, i use any pronouns but he/him (and dont like masc terms, including bro, dude, guy, lad, stuff like that), and im apart of a system.
dni if youre against any kind of minority (includes racists, terfs, truscum, queer exclus of any kind [yes, even mspec lesbian exlus], etc etc), support ccs like schlatt uncritcally/actively like him, are nsfw, ship irl ppl (even ones that are okay with it), do x reader stuff with ccs, truth ccs at all, believe fiction doesnt effect reality/are a pro shipper/anti anti, or dont tag triggering things like zoophilia n stuff. dont be romantic or sexual towards me at all, and dont talk about touching me w/o asking. also dont interact if youre fine with those kind of ppl and actively interact w them (only exception to that last one is if you interact w ppl who like cc!schlatt, idc about that as much as long as theyre critical of him)
i like benchtrio the most but keep up w/ everyone best i can and like analyzing and drawing. im really sensitive and kind of an asshole so. bare w/ me if i lash out or am too much or something.
currently we have small intros of us per member on a page (/systemstuff) but dyke n grass will talk the most (mostly dyke). ty for reading, i hope you have a nice day and if its late for you, feel free to go get some rest. if its daytime, go eat!! or hydrate if you havent.
follows/likes and stuff will come from @/cottonskittles, reblog/like spam is ok, i dont care how people interact w me or my posts as long as they dont breach my boundaries, i think thats it but feel free to ask questions if u need clarification. more stuff under da cut
hi howdy just some more in depth stuff
im bad w tone so like. if you make fun of tone indicators or think theyre unnecessary/annoying (unless talking about excessive use/people using them as an excuse to be mean n stuff) probably dont interact w me because while i can interpret messages w/o them my own tone is often unreadable so i use them for the sake of others
story wise wise i usually look for benchtrio stuff, but i also try to keep up with everyones lore! theyre all important to the story in some way :]. however due to the themes surrounding them c!dream and c!schlatt make me uncomfy, and i only receive secondhand info abt the torture stuff bc its uncomfy too. also im personally critical of c!techno and i know that esp bothers a lot of ppl so yknow. warning to stay away this blog might piss you off
dni wise dont be a bigot. if youre against minorities of any kind fuck off, dont follow if youre nsfw or make nsfw content of childrens media, uhmm for personal sake regarding themes on the dsmp remember to like. tag cult stuff, drug use (esp underage), zoophilia, pda, and cannibalism if ur gonna follow me. tyyy. also dont follow if ur uncritical of some of the things various ccs involved have done (this is vague bc i know theres misinformation on dream and techno specifically but theres still shit thats actually been done and of course uh. the whole schlatt situations), and generally dont follow if you outright like cc!schlatt (c!schlatt likers r fine). like im not gonna make a big deal out of it but i will at the very least softblock because he makes me. really uncomfortable. you can interact n stuff just dont follow. dont interact if you use the new pan flag its gross and ugly and i dont agree with why it was made. and dni if youre a pro shipper (even if its to cope- find better coping mechanism thanks im a survivor and it makes me relapse to even think about pro shipping, actively romanticizing pedophilia, incest, age gaps, etc in media and then pretending like its just shipping discourse is Fucking Disgusting and i hate it), and dni if you like genderbend stuff it makes me uncomfy
also this is specific but if youre nonblack and weird about aave i will fucking murder you. n if you make suicide jokes please at least tag them. if you tell people to seriously kill themselves or joke abt "do a flip" or w/e or find that funny then dont interact w me at all
non dni wise w/ boundaries dont use masc terms for me, dont like.. talk about kissing me or flirting with me or anything, dont call me smart or a good person (just a personal thing. you can use synonyms if you really want), ask before talking about touching me, i have mirror touch so when people describe physical touch in any way i can feel it and thats uncomfortable. dont call me a liar, anddd dont make too many sexual references w/ me. keep it to the level thats like, present in beeduo streams but dont talk to me about kinks or anything even as a joke. finally make sure to tag things w /p if you mean it platonically around me, its for comforts sake. feel free to talk or message or ask for other socials or whatever idc about any of that
thatsss all for now. i do analyses ig, also art. have a doodle of my sona to tide u over under this paragraph. sorry for rambling, im not good at summarizing my thoughts and i have a lot to say. ok thats all thank you if you got this far and read it all i rlly appreciate you /gen. i was milfsmp but i didnt want to take the chance that someone would call me milf as a nickname
#intro#mask mews#okay. thats all. again ty and sorry for talkin sm im really nervous but i wanna like#put myself out there. not be such a secret ig#it felt wrong#dyke doodlez#generally just. if you really like edgy humor we rnt gonna get along lol#i can deal w it sometimes from streamers but peers? no. i hear enough in the fuckin highschool hallways
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How did I find your blog? I was looking for soft Kuroo content on google. And your soft birthday hc’s for him came up. And that’s also how I found tumblr
What was the first story of yours that I read? That Kuroo piece ^
Roughly, how long have I been following this blog? Well I found that piece shortly after it was posted so…. Around the beginning of December 2019 I think. Got a tumblr a few months later and you were the first person I followed (had you in my bookmarks bar before that! (still have you in my bookmarks bar and when I share my screen in classes there are occasionally questions. I ignore them))
What’s something I’ve noticed about you personality wise? You’re really clever and funny. But you’re also sweet. But because you’re clever you have no hesitation in setting up and enforcing your boundaries, and I really admire that strength and confidence.
Have we ever interacted, either by PM, ask, or in the comments? What was my perception of you? YES!!! PM, SOOOOO many asks, comments, and you sent me an ask. And reblogged it. And I cried. A lot. My perception: you’re lovely and I want to h*ld your h*nd ….please.
What’s my favorite story of yours? Oh how to choose. Firstly, I’m a nb, biracial, bisexual. Honey, I’ve never made a choice in my life. But let’s try here. Anything you’ve written for Tsukki. Literally all of it is gold. Fight me. I was going to write “especially [piece title]” but I LITERALLY CANNOT CHOOSE ONE. Your Bokuto nightmare piece. Your Kuroo angsty fight. Your Tendou dealing with S/O with parents who yell piece. Your Kinktobers. Your Futakuchi and Mattsun pieces. And your Terushima pieces. Ugh. I CANNOT CHOOSE. OH AND YOUR STREAMER KENMA!!!!!! OKay just… all of it. I can’t choose. I tried, and I failed, and I’m willing to admit failure.
What’s a story I’d love to see you write? I don’t want to say this… because it hurts me… but I just KNOW you’d write brilliant angst. Some of my fav pieces of yours are pained beginnings with happy endings. That fight with Tsukki after a bad day at work. The pieces I mentioned above (nightmare pieces and fighting pieces and angsty home life ha.. ha.ha.ha.). That Oikawa one where the reader wakes up in bed without him and thinks he left. You write these gorgeous atmospheres and descriptive, visceral feelings, and if you chose to use it for evil…. You could get evil shit done. You’re SO powerful. So I want to read it… but also…. I don’t. I’d love to see you write ABO like you mentioned a while back or just see you explore a cutesy soulmate AU or something. I think you’d be really good at writing an AU where you hear what the other person’s listening too. I feel like you’d be so good at making me feel something for someone who was in another city. (think this would be cute with Tsukki cos he’s headphones boy, OR terushima because I like the dynamic of someone flirty, who clearly cares about looks, falling for someone he can’t see) ANYWAY….
Favorite pairing you write for?/fav reader insert? Tsukishima x reader. It’s my fav self-ship. (but also Mattsun, Bokuto, Oikawa, Tanaka, and Akaashi because you write them SO WELL!!!!)
Have any of your stories helped me through a hard time? Of course. Your self-harm piece came at a time I needed it. Iwaizumi’s in particular saved my life. But also your Tendou dealing with S/O parents who fight… came right when I needed it. Also starting college… was hard.. And reading and rereading your fluff really pulled me through it.
Have any of your stories hit closer to home? YES (see above).
Do I genuinely like your blog, it’s aesthetic or posts? It’s overall feel? It’s content? Yes. The aesthetic is, ngl, a wee bit basic. But I kinda love that. And the feel? It feels like home. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. Your blog is my safe space. So, yes, I love. It’s content? YES. OF COURSE. Your personality probably could have kept me here even if your content was kinda shit, but I follow you RELIGIOUSLY because of your content. So yes. I adore.
Is English my first language? Kinda??? I grew up in a trilingual household so I kinda learned three languages at the same time while growing up. But no, I don’t need to translate it in my head. Because English was one of the three.
Anything I want to share? Yes. Please keep being kind to yourself, caring for your mental health, enforcing your boundaries, loving Akaashi, and just generally being you. You’re so lovely as you are, and I hope you continue grow, but never change. Also I’m sorry about all your work stuff…. It literally makes me feel sick. And I hope you find a job where that��s not tolerated, or that your work finds a better way of protecting it’s employees. I know you know this, but none of it is your fault. I just hope things improve. AND I love you… a lot. And I’m so proud of you hitting 9K and you deserve so many more followers because your pieces are just... GORGEOUS. I can’t wait until I’m at Barnes and Noble in a few years and I can pick up a hardback copy of your debut novel. I’m so excited to say “I knew Em Akaashi (which is your legal name as far as I’m concerned) before she was so popular among the masses.”
so ive been trying to figure out the correct and worthy way to reply to this ask since the moment i got it......because its so fucking sweet and kind and amazing and pure and perfect and i just dont know how to use WORDS to explain the way it makes me feel so.......i will just reply in bullet points in regards to every question u answered to make it a lil easier :D
- the fact that u found my blog on google ....... like this may be odd and a very specific thing but before i made this blog i always hoped that 1 day my fanfic would pop up in google searches bc thats ALWAYS how i found fics when i was reading them religiously and i felt so much ENVY!!!!! LIKE I WANTED TO BE THERE I WANTED MY FICS TO B POPULAR ENOUGH TO POP UP ON GOOGLE.....that may sound very selfish but its true......so thats just very cool to me... :]
- u’ve been here for so long omg 🥺🥺🥺🥺 if anyone in ur classes ever asks jus promo my blog like its nbd
- thats so sweet what 🥺🥺🥺 i try my best to advocate for myself and be confident for myself.....ive spent far too much of my time being silently uncomfortable because i was afraid of pushing someone’s buttons seeming rude.....but NO MORE!!!! i know what upsets me, i know my triggers, i know what i dislike experiencing, and im never gonna let myself be anxious or uncomfortable for someone else’s sake, esp if theyre being rude 2 me. i would say its less strength and confidence and moreso me attempting to take control of my anxiety in the places i can (aka on the Internet) bc i am SICK OF ANXIETY ATTACKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
- BBY no dont CRY!!!! im racking my brain trying to think of who u are i wanna know so bad so i can thank u personally for being the kindest person in the world n so i can send u more asks >:(........MY HAND IS URS TO HOLD!!!!! dont tell akaashi tho
- OMG my TSUKKI pieces.....hes so hard to write why ;-; thank u so much im so glad u enjoy my works<3333
- NOT ANGST NOT LIKE THIS!!!!!!!!! pained beginnings to happy endings are my specialty.....IMAGINE me writing a sad ending like i CANT!!!!!!!!! ive only done it a few times and it is so Difficult.....YALL ARE SO LUCKY IM NOT EVIL!!!!!! ive had this idea for an angsty akaashi fic that i think about and write in my head every night before falling asleep and it Hurts and i wanna write it but i also can’t make myself :D ABO would be very fun but i genuinely do not know how to explore the concept while making it feel like it’s Written By Me.....u know what i mean? same with soulmate aus, i really dislike writing them because theyre just boring to me like they all feel the same everything’s been done for them.....which is FINE!!! but i write enough cliche stuff as it is HAHA, a long distance type soulmate au could be fun and interesting but ldr’s trigger me bc of a past relationship so </3 but hey maybe someone else could use the idea!!!!!
- gotta love tsukishima <3
- im rlly glad my writing could be there for you friend, one of the biggest reasons i write fanfic (and write the kind of fics i write) is bc i know firsthand how much reading sweet stories abt ur comfort characters can help u through the shittiest times - i just wanna offer ppl some support and happy feelings and love cuz sometimes fanfic is the only time we can find those things (and theres nothing shameful abt that either if anyone bullies u for reading fanfic i will fight them)
- I KNOW MY LAYOUT IS LAZY AND BASIC AS FUCK AND THAT IS BECAUSE I DO NOT GIVE A SHIT LMAOOOO so im glad u think its ok...... like i dont have the patience to create a fancy ass layout that actually works are u KIDDING ME??????? I COULD LITERALLY NEVER plus i kinda like that its just the basic kinda ugly boring default layout like it makes it simple and easy and i feel like it brings focus to the only thing on this blog that i care about which is my writing, i rlly only care about the content here and not aesthetics jdbljdabsdk that blue background will be there til i Die......i adore u more btw
- WHOA trilingual what the hell ur so cool tell me more
- you have my word, friend, that i will continue to do all of that so long as you do the same. take care of yourself, be kind to yourself - i know u can do it, ur so kind to others and u deserve to be kind to urself, too
so this is the part that genuinely brought me to tears because *sappy dumb shit ahead* ok look ever since i can remember the one and only thing ive wanted to do with my life is become an author ...... dreams of book covers with my name written on them and words in pages written by me and fanart of my characters and going into my local bookstore n seeing my book there....these thoughts all haunt my fucking brain because i want it SO BAD!!!!!!!! so bad that it makes me CRY!!!!!!!! ive never wanted something more and just!!!!!!!!!!!! idk how much u meant that part but holy fuck!!!!!! i hope so bad that one day i can send u a free copy of my book as a thank u for being the person u are. u have all my love friend, every last bit of it <333333333
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I was tagged by by @not-sewell and @wayhavensmasonsbitch and also @lxdy-starfury sjsjsjsj :D
rules: answer 30 questions and tag blogs you are contractually obligated to know better.
(ima tag a few ppl sorry if u’ve already done it, also feel free to ignore, also I just KNOW I’m missing ppl I’m so very sorry :P) @masonsfangs @bobbymckenzie @queerbrujas @agentnatesewell @raleighcarrera @specialistagent-morgan @lilas
Name/nickname: Judie, I don’t really have a nickname but y’all can use N-T if u want, or my name, up to u
Gender: Female (she/her pronouns :P)
Star sign: Aries sun sign and Libra Moon and Rising, I assume thats where the diplomacy comes from XD
Height: *Sigh* 5’ 1”
Time: 2:55 pm
Birthday: March 25!
Favorite bands: IIII don’t feel like I listen to that many bands actually, tho did u know technically Bruno Mars is a band artist, Bruno Mars and the Hooligans XD.
Favorite solo artists: I have, pretty mainstream tastes tbh lolll, (at least thats what my sister tells me, but I maintain that I just don’t have the time to go out and LOOk for new music) aAAAnnyways, I can never choose a favorite anything so Im gonna list a few that I always come back to: The Weeknd, Billy Eilish, Victoria Monet, Ariana Grande,Taylor Swift, Stromae, Logic, Halsey, Ed Sheeran, & Bruno Mars ofc but I just mentioned him XD.
Song stuck in my head: Long Story Short by Taylor Swift
Last movie: Soul :D
Last show: I’ve been rewatching ATLA
When did you create this blog? I made this sideblog, innnnn November-ish of 2019, but wasn’t active til about January of 2020, a whole year guys :D, (I have had a Tumblr for many years at this point tho, I’m not quite sure when I first joined though)
What do i post? Art, mostly fanart for TWC, or choices, very rarely my own OC’s, and then I also RB art, writing, and just, fandom memes loll
Last thing i googled: Industrial piercing after care, I am highly considering one
Do i get asks? Yes sometimes, and I cherish each and every one and I am sorry I am so bad at responding sometimes
Why i chose my url: Originally I just made this so I could find posts abt choices that I liked easier, cuzzzz I don’t have a tagging system, so it was choicesstuff, but then I decided I wanted to post art so I changed it to Night-Triumphantt bc of one of my favorite quotes from the ‘A Court of Thorns and Roses’ series
Average hours of sleep: Ugh, that depends, I always stay up far too late but I also sleep in hella late if I am able, I’m gonna say a solid 6 average (its that delayed circadian rhythm babeyyyyy)
Lucky number: 7 :D
Instruments: I can play piano, and viola, (Tho its been a while) and I am currently trying to learn guitar as I have ALWAYS wanted to learn it. I just wanna be able to play some sweet sweet riffs man! (I also reaaaaallly want to learn how to play the bass guitar but I told myself I wont drop the money on it unless I learn to actually play guitar this year XDD)
What i’m wearing: A very comfy sweater from an Ariana Grande Concert, and black work pants cuz I am at work loll.
Dream job: If I could do anything w/o care I would love to be an animator, but like, I know the actual job isn’t really for me, so I’m goin into medicine, very different I know but I do really love the medical field.
Dream trip: I wanna go to New Zealand someday, its so beautiful!!
last book i read: Children of Blood and Bone, HIGHLY recommend
Favorite food: Sushi, or Pizza
Nationality: Lebanese :D (also American IG lol)
Favorite song: I can never choose a favorite anything, I do absolutely adore Drunk by Ed Sheeran tho, that one stays in the top rotation always
Top three fictional universes: hmmmmmm, ATLA for sure but Im actually blanking on any other universes lolll
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anyway im so out of the loop on the mcelboys
i pretty much only keep semi-up to date with Sawbones at this point, not cuz i dont still LIKE everything else, just a lot has been goin on in my life
if anyone wants a long and rambly update on All Of The Bullshit im gonna stick a read more down here, asks are open and its cool to message me abt any of it if u want cuz i have some really nice and cool followers/mutuals here that make me comfy talkin abt that shit
as far as the future of this blog goes i wanna start using it more again! the mcelroys have gotten me out of some really dark places before so i hope having more connection to this community and the people here and their content again will help me like it has in the past! ill probs post more general mcelroy content here than previously rather than just taz btw i just gotta fuckin uhhhhh,,,, catch up on a bunch of shit again before this blog is even semi active lmaoo but im like alive and on tumblr regularly again!!
Wow u clicked on this and wanna hear me talk? Ur awesome and sweet, thanks for caring!
These past two years have been extraordinarily tough. This is gonna be a pretty long and detailed post that deals with the sensitive topics of emotional abuse, abusive relationships, and alcoholism. Please read on with caution.
Back in March of 2019, so this was about 3-4 months after i left tumblr, I got a new boyfriend and things started out really good, he was kind of a "bad boy" and it was fun at first. Im kind of a goody-goody so it was very interesting for me at first to be with someone so different who had such different life experiences than me. I liked hearing his stories of living in a traphouse, and running with gangs, and selling drugs, and knowing people who had killed people. I assumed a LOT of it was lies, obviously, who just brags about that shit u know? I just rolled with it, didnt take it seriously, and found the imagined scenarios interesting to listen to. So much of it was obviously played up to make him seem cooler, and I shouldve seen that as the red flag it was, and all my friends did but I didnt.
He had a serious alcohol problem, I mean I had coffee in the morning and he had 2 four lokos before noon. it was bad. about 6 months into the relationship he decided i was cheating on him with my ex who i had recently reconnected with, we missed being friends and things were really going well talking and being friends again, he was really important to me! but my boyfriend saw this as yet another thing i was doing wrong. when he decided i was cheating, that become his focus of alcoholic rage. nearly every time he got drunk, which was several times a week, he would accuse me of things, he would yell and scream, he would call me horrible names and make me cry for literal hours, he never hit me but that shouldnt even matter, i was emotionally battered and mentally bruised and everything hurt. he gaslit me into believing i said and did things i never said or did, i admitted to things that were not real, and then i was yelled at for admitting them. i didnt know what to do.
he was threatening my ex too, he would get drunk and say he knew where he lived (he didnt) or he knew what car he drove (he didnt) and explained to me many times that although he had never killed someone, people had been killed before at his command. he said a bullet in the back of my ex’s brain was just a phone call and $500 away. somedays he would tell me he was just going to do it himself, with a hammer, or a kitchen knife, or whatever weapon he could get his hands on during his explanation of how he would do it. my only option was to agree, to say it didnt matter to me what happened to him, i had to pretend my on
/ly concern was him going to jail for the crime, if i showed any sign that i didn’t want my ex murdered, it clearly meant i was cheating on him.
i pretended to block my ex on social media to get him off my back and it worked a little bit but he still brought it up. and even if he didnt directly mention him, he would always tell me when he was drunk that i was the cause of all his problems, i was why he was so self conscious, i was why he drank so much, i was why he had to work so hard, i was why every single issue he had was happening. logically i knew it was wrong, but i was so conditioned to it by then that i just went with it. i knew that agreeing and apologizing made the fighting end quicker.
things spiraled this past summer. his job needed us to relocate so we moved like 4 states away, away from all my family and friends, and lived in a tiny hotel room for a month. during this time, his drinking was somehow worse. he was drunk literally every night but he was passing out so we didnt fight and i was relieved. i was depressed being stuck in the hotel room all day alone, but thankful i wasnt being abused at least. then he started getting into drunken fistfights with his coworkers in the hotel parking lot. one day he came home just in time to find one of his drunk coworkers trying to break into the room with me there desperately trying to keep him out. i was terrified and wanted to go home but he convinced me to stay. a couple weeks after that we travelled for his work again several more states away. his drinking got a little bit better here, but i was so depressed and lonely, i was so isolated, he was all i saw day in and day out besides his coworkers and i was nervous around them. one day the guy who tried to break in on me, purposefully, while drunk, hit another coworkers car and totaled it and tried to run the guy over and i saw the whole thing. a week later my boyfriend was also fired because he got so drunk he passed out in the hotel parking lot and the company needed to save face with the hotel after the whole car incident.
so we travelled back home, but not my home, to his where we lived isolated on a mountain with no phone signal or wifi. the house was old and not well kept from being empty for several years, half the appliances didnt work. i was more isolated than i have ever been in my life. for 4 months i stayed there and just dreaded him coming home because i knew he would be drunk again and he'd yell or accuse me of things or otherwise belittle me. it was horrible. my friends all said to leave and my parents said to leave but i was so brainwashed into thinking that if i was just a good little housewife and if i just stayed home and did the dishes and the laundry that he would be nicer but he still found things to point at and say i was cheating. he was also becoming really controlling about my food intake and weight and i already struggle with an eating disorder so that just made me feel even more like i had to stay, my brain felt like if i wasnt under his watchful eye id gain weight again, like somehow it was thanks to him i had lost weight and not my own choices.
one day last week i expressed to him wanting to leave, saying how unhappy i was, i told him how sad i felt and how i didnt think we were such a good match. he didnt take me seriously, so the next day when he got sloppy drunk before 5 pm i packed a small bag and went to my moms. i was just gonna stay for a night or two but he called and screamed at me for leaving without telling him, i told him he just didnt remember me telling him because he was so drunk, and he accused me of not caring about his feelings and made me sound like the bad guy for leaving without his permission. i told him it was just for a few days but the angrier he got the more i knew i was in the right and told him i was done. i told him we were breaking up and id come get my stuff soon.
i got my stuff while he was at work this past weekend and moved in with my best friend. im safe and happy now. things are looking so much better for me and im so thankful to my friends and family who supported me all the way to the end.
i just wanted to make this post because, i know its not mcelroy related, and a lot of ppl probably dont care for stuff like this on this kind of blog, but i think its important.
its important to friends and family of people in abusive relationships to be steady. dont give up your ground. even if the person keeps pushing back and wont leave the person, keep being there for them, it can take a long time, it took me almost 2 years to leave, it takes some people even longer, but just stay there for them and be there for them when they finally make that step. dont give up on them.
and to those who have been in these kinds of relationships, and especially those who are there right now: it is not your fault. it is so, so hard to leave, i know, but please try to find help and support and resources to do it. if all your friends dont like someone, theres a good reason for it. please dont fall into the trap of thinking your friends dont have the best intentions for you. there are so many things you may overlook in the moment that others can see from a mile away are horrible. especially if you have been abused in the past. its incredibly hard to tell what is a red flag when your gut instinct is that anything and everything is a red flag. surround yourself with people who you can trust and listen to them
and trust me, i know how hard it is when youre stuck in that spot of KNOWING you should go but fearing that first step away. its scary. its difficult. but it is worth it. find someone safe you can be with. and if you arent sure, find a reason to leave for just a few days, an excuse, anything. give yourself space from the abuser, tell yourself youre going back in a couple days, just get out from under the thumb long enough to clear your head and things will make more sense with the fog lifted.
when i first got in my car and put my kitten on my lap and told her we were going to my moms for a couple nights, i didnt know if that was the truth. i planned to come back and i knew i didnt want to. i only took enough stuff for a couple days. i couldnt imagine my life changing so drastically. where would i live? how would i make money? who take care of me? i had no clue about any of those things. but after a couple days away I realized i would take care of me. i remembered that i had worked jobs before i was with him, i could do it again. i remembered that i had options of where to live. all of those things were so clouded when i was with him, they felt like impossibilities. once i was away, even just for a short time, things were so much easier to parse.
and i know i had many privileges in this journey not everyone is afforded, and my heart goes out to those who read this and are in this situation and the options i had just arent accessible to you, i am so sorry, i wish i had something more to offer you but all i have is my story, and a wish that it gives you some hope at the very least, and a promise that if you need someone to talk to, im here, i will listen, and you will be heard and loved.
i just want everyone who reads to take something small but important away from it. love your friends, love yourself. please stay safe. please dont give up. remember love should not hurt.
#angus.txt#getting deep in here but it felt good to write#i love u all so much ok pls be good urselves
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