#lup is right there with us
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to me, the most fascinating (and utterly unintentional) feature of TAZ Balance's narrative structure is the way that on the first listen, Tres Horny Boys are the audience surrogates because they, much like us, have no idea what the fuck is going on, but on all subsequent relistens, then Lucretia, and sometimes Barry, and arguably especially Lup in the umbrella become the new audience stand-ins, because just like us, they are, in fact, painfully aware of what the fuck is going on :)
#taz#taz balance#taz balance spoilers#lup taaco#barry bluejeans#lucretia taz#and i really cannot say *especially* lup enough times#like lucretia and barry have their own meta roles in the story within the story#the meta-narrator and the meta-narrator's chosen meta-villain#but lup is the meta-audience#whenever thb wear red or joke about bringing barry back and we as the savvy audience get incredibly sad about it#lup is right there with us#she knows the twists and she knows the backstory and she is an observer who cannot tell anyone or save anyone#until she finally *can*#i love stories about stories and i love lup!
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Day 215
this was one of those incidents where i got some kind of drawing idea and my initial instinct was to file it away Until I'm Better At Drawing but then i remembered that comic thats like "guess it will have to be bad!" and was like fuck it I'll draw it anyways lol
obviously its sketchy af but tbh it turned out better than I expected! I'm particularly pleased with the one on the left's face
#left turned out pretty close to my vision in many ways#i was struggling more with the right one#but for using no reference images or anything and just fucking around and finding out im pretty pleased with it#adad#edit: i feel enough time has passed since posting to confide this is lup and taako lol#still not putting it in the taz tag tho. i’m already in that tag too damn much#ograt
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ok here's the hot goss from the nycc taz gn panel
i don't actually know whether or not it was recorded/ if they're going to put it online so here is my summary. also if i miss anything and u were there pls feel free to chime in. spoilers obviously!!!
got eight new preview pages (four two-page spreads), not the pages on the macmillan website!!!
ok i will tell u about those pages but the main thing discussed at the panel was how they went about adapting this arc into gn form. the actual time spent in wonderland has been trimmed a lot bc they had to think about what was actually important to the narrative as they are building to story and song.
basically in planning out the suffering game they also really had to decide what the rest of the series would look like, bc whatever they include now is seeding the stuff that's going to happen later.
cam is not in this book. it was implied there's less wheel spins. rowan/ash/sterling get much less screen time
almost half of this book is lunar interlude stuff (pre and post suffering game, INCLUDING REUNION TOUR!!! no word on where it ends but they made it clear that a LOT of thought went into what to include and where to end it, and what that would mean for the next book)
ok so about those preview pages
first one was post-taakitz date with kravitz sensing a lich and the umbra staff shooting at him <3 <3 <3
i thought they were going to show us the preview pages that were on macmillan so when i saw kravitz i was so shook
second spread was magnus visiting the voidfish, which now happens right before they leave for wonderland; the whole beginning of tsg from magnus trying to talk to pringles to him kidnapping those guards to the chimera fight was cut LOL bc it never really got… addressed again in the podcast
angus comes to get him for the mission but magnus has been going Through It (outright stated, they were like. he found out he's a red robe. he would probably not be handling it well. he has eyebags now. LOL) and snaps at angus when angus presses him on what's wrong.
more angus content, he will be investigating what's going on at the bureau more (his scene w magnus ties into this)
same for lucretia! more content/ stuff for her to do
third spread was merle w his kids getting saved by the red robe, is at a carnival instead of a random street this time LOL
last one was the boys arriving just outside of wonderland
wonderland looks fuckign cool
what else… oh confirmed like eighty panels of bare ass naked magnus after he gets his body back. so i think we really are getting the full reunion tour this book???
ALSO NAKED BARRY COVERED IN SLIME. WHEN HE GETS OUT OF THE POD. CONFIRMED. CANON. LOL
omg ALSO!!! ben (editor) said he campaigned REALLY HARD to have the umbra staff break during the suffering game, freeing lup early, bc he really wanted more time with her, but griffin campaigned really hard NOT to do this, and in doing so his arguments solved a lot of other problems they had been having at the time LOL
travis is the fans' champion when the others get too edit-happy. he's the one who has a good idea of what moments are important to the readers so he's like hey… too far. don't cut that. and then they don't
justin leaves great notes and when they couldn't figure stuff out ben would often say "no it's fine justin will solve this." and he ALWAYS DID
this was news to justin
??? i think that's all the main points honestly i'm v picky about adaptations but overall i feel like these are good changes that make sense when translating the podcast to gn
that said i do hope taako still gets a washing machine dropped on him <3 do this for me carey <3
#taz#taz balance#taz gn#taz gn spoilers#the suffering game#sorry it's long it was just SO juicy#didn't even mention them talkign about all the like technical art stuff carey also talked about color/panel composition to convey#info and mood
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isnt it great that taako was unbearably lonely during all arcs but was also basically never alone and had the support of his sister in every battle. you ever think about how taako, stressed out in wonderland, had his sister right by his side. you ever think about how taako, failing to stop phandalin's destruction, had his sister comforting him. you ever think about the first real proof we ever get of lup being in the umbrella is her using a spell to save her brother in a tense fight. you ever think about that
edit: i put this thought in a rb but i need more people to see it. u ever think about how lucretia basically watched taako walk into the bureau holding his sister's corpse
#taz#taako#taz taako#taako taz#taz spoilers#taz balance spoilers#taz balance#tazb#on a more positive note: lup was DEFINITELY cheering him on when he swindled garfield out of the sword#lup was like THATS MY FUCKING BROTHER inside the umbrella
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during my latest relisten of taz balance, i recorded every line i found even the slightest bit funny with zero context, not even who said it (though some are pretty obvious). here’s all my favorites!!
“i’m probably studying.. my cantrips”
“just say mastrubating, dad”
“don’t come in mom i’m studying my canteips!!”
.
“yeah you’ll do any dumb shit”
.
“it’s like a bag of holding! but for.. ass.”
.
“do we know how much damage we did to him?”
“six damage, you said it out loud with your mouth.”
.
“it should be in the player’s handbook! get your salty snack to enjoy while you play dnd”
.
“my grandpa says it’s rude to whisper. especially on a train!”
.
“i’m not going to go toe to toe with a crab while youre armed with a terrible scottish accent and travis doesn’t even have his sheild. i’m out! … did i say travis? i mean leman kessler.”
“nope! that was wrong all the way around.”
.
“i’m cosplaying taako right now, as a stupid man.”
.
“who’s just rolling dice? who is doing secret checks that i don’t know about?”
.
“i always waste my 20’s on perception checks. like i give a shit.”
.
“it’s completely conceivable he would have a name tag.”
“IN A GANG?”
.
“like a pelt??? like a bramble*pelt*?????”
.
“is there a math check? what are you talking about?”
“yeah it’s your fucking brain. you use your brain to add numbers together”
“16”
“what are you fucking doing??”
.
“griffin i love you youre my brother. but if my skill called history doesn’t literally help me with history trivia questions in a category called history what are we FUCKING doing here??”
.
“can i ask you a question? are you guys mean to everyone?”
.
“fus-ro-over dere”
.
“that one was actually a badass bernie sanders”
.
“hey thug! what’s your name? i’m about to tentacle your dick.”
.
“a d6 is like some dice ass dice. that’s some monopoly shit.”
.
“i thought you were saying merle, it’s his bread and his body, take 2d6 healing points”
.
“you two remind me of something… you remind me of the babe! and then i throw the glass sphere at them.”
.
“make a constitution saving throw to see if you can eat this fucking rock with your mouth.”
.
“dungeons and dragons is a. great game.”
.
“my name is magnus burnsides”
“marchins burchens”
.
“magnus would not say that. however, travis would.”
.
“can we please not talk about chekhov’s bush?”
.
“we’ve got a ball, a sack, and a tool!”
“everything is gross here in dnd.”
.
“only losers smoke, isaac.”
“i give isaac an hour long lecture about the dangers of smoking.”
.
“i’m just gonna put my mouth down there and go buck wild”
.
“there’s a lot of go cart tracks called the adventure zone and i’ve been working with my lawyer to shut them all down forever”
.
“does taako fish?”
“yeah taako fishes.”
.
“a rock hard-“
*justin, clint, and travis laugh*
“come ON, *really*?”
.
“taako rushes in!”
“what! magnus follows him.”
“merle’s good out here!”
“WHAT is going on?”
.
“how do you not have a d6 it comes with every board game”
“my daughter-“
“eats them for power???”
.
“uhhh how much health do you have.”
“im not gonna tell you.”
.
“let’s see… i am going to hurt jenkins. with a magical spell.”
.
“this is about to become the taako show starring taako.”
.
“BLUFF FUCKING BLUFF O’CLOCK?? WHAT IS THIS, HALF PAST PERSUASION TIME??”
.
“i’m not laughing in game” *justin fucking loses it*
.
“she’s the best at burning shit ever.”
.
“traaav griffin got to do his show for so long and now he’s gonna destroy yours.”
.
“fucking lup finds like. a gun.”
.
“for sure, keep it sleazy. we’re out, bye!”
.
“i have to believe…. i’m gonna get those fifteen dollars back from greg fucking grimaldis”
.
“based on the rules of the game, dad… you die.”
.
“dad’s making a jerk off motion at me”
.
“don’t play the pennywise card like you ALWAYS try to”
.
“should i talk slower so that everybody who has been complaining about us not playing dnd has time to nut?”
.
“i am a wizard. my name is taako. and i am pretty well fucked.”
.
“yeah i’ve got cumin who do you think i am?”
.
“hear that, babe? we’re *legends*”
.
“i’m clint mcelroy and i played merle hightower-“
“nope”
#i actually have a ton more#taz balance#taz balance spoilers#kinda#the adventure zone balance#mcelroys#taz#the adventure zone#mcelroy brothers#taako taaco#merle highchurch#magnus burnsides
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I discovered Audacity was free and decided to make a TAZ: Balance edit! More information under the cut.
Song: Experience - Ludovico Einaudi
Quotes (in order of which they appear in the audio):
“One day I made the decision to… stop championing other people's heroism and to take the direction of my life into my own hands.” - Lunar Interlude III, Rest and Relaxation
“This is just for a little bit, I’m gonna stop this, what we’ve done to this world.” - The Stolen Century 7
“And, I lost dear, dear friends because of that decision, but it was the only one to make.” - Lunar Interlude III, Rest and Relaxation
“I’m gonna find you a place where you can be happy again, it’s just for a little while, and then, you’ll remember, I promise.” - The Stolen Century 7
“Magnus Burnsides” - Here There be Gerblins 1
“T-A-A-K-O” - Here There be Gerblins 1
“Merle Highchurch” - Here There be Gerblins 1
“Barry Bluejeans” - Lunar Interlude V, Reunion Tour 1
“I’m Davenport” - The Stolen Century 7
“Blasted the letters L U P into the wall.” - Lunar Interlude III, Rest and Relaxation
“I pull out the Umbra Staff and I point it at Lucretia” - Story and Song, Finale 1
“You fucking took everything from me” - Story and Song, Finale 1
“Oh shit! Is it today?” - The Stolen Century 6
“It’s today.” - The Stolen Century 6
“I did this one already. I did this world and kind of… crushed it.” - The Stolen Century 1
“I’m begging you, let me finish this and we can talk about it.” - Story and Song, Finale 1
“Are you my friend?” - The Stolen Century 4
“To have friendship, Merle, it requires you to...[sighs] love someone.” - The Stolen Century 4
“Our capacity for love increases with each person we cross paths with throughout our lives, and with each moment we spend with those people.” - The Stolen Century 5
“I said: I love you, Jules.” -The Eleventh Hour 8
“You are my heart.” - The Stolen Century 6
“I - I love you dad.” - Story and Song, Finale 3
“I love you too, baby.” - Story and Song, Finale 3
“And these things, Merle, friendship and love and happiness, they’re- they’re all so… small.” - The Stolen Century 4
“But I’ve been living a hundred years with me and one year with millions of people.” - The Stolen Century 7
“Honestly; do whatever you want. I don’t care anymore.” - Story and Song, Finale 1
“Everybody else that I ever met, aside from the six of you, were dust.” - The Stolen Century 7
“Dead…got turned into ash.” - Lunar Interlude V, Reunion Tour 1
“They were just talking dust.” - The Stolen Century 7
“I have nothing, and I don’t give a shit. The world is ending, and I. Don't. Care.” - Story and Song, Finale 1
“But the one thing we do have, is the thing that people in love rarely ever have enough of. And it’s time.” - The Stolen Century 5
“You found her! Maybe not how you expected to, but when you weren’t looking you found her.” - Story and Song, Finale 1
“Who?” - The Stolen Century 7
“I wonder which one would be worse to take from you: the person that you loved or the person that you… hate.” - The Suffering Game 5
“They are beings of pure, concentrated evil.” - The Suffering Game 1
“And they’ve all been evil?” - The Suffering Game 1
“Invariably.” - The Suffering Game 1
“Lup, they don't trust me.” - The Eleventh Hour 9
“The light is a sickeningly powerful energy source. Any items powered by that energy are going to be...devastating.” - The Stolen Century 7
“This is it!” - The Stolen Century 7
“Lup made us promise that we would never again put a world in danger just to thwart The Hunger's plans. And that is exactly, exactly, what we did to this world!” - Story and Song, Finale 1
“Did we make the right decision?” - The Stolen Century 7
“Sometimes there aren’t right decisions. Sometimes there’s just decisions.” - The Stolen Century 7
“Kind of seems like I've got you right here.” - The Stolen Century 4
“And the devastation it wreaks is immeasurable.” - The Stolen Century 7
“What if you didn’t have to worry and you could just cut out the bullshit and do good recklessly?” - The Eleventh Hour 7
“Merle...will you sit with me? Just...just for a moment?” - Story and Song, Finale 3
“...You got it, buddy.” - Story and Song, Finale 3
“And suddenly thousands of bonds are threaded between the three of you.” - Story and Song, Finale 3
“I know we don’t say this enough, but… Thank you.” - The Stolen Century 7
“I saw seven birds: The Twins.” - The Crystal Kingdom 11
“You ready bro?” - The Stolen Century 7
“Hell yeah!” - The Stolen Century 7
“The Lover.” - The Crystal Kingdom 11
“It’s only been twe— Um… Twenty-one years…” - The Stolen Century 3
“The Protector.” - The Crystal Kingdom 7
“Magnus rushes in.” - Story and Song, Finale 3
“The Lonely Journal Keeper.” - The Crystal Kingdom 7
“I’m gonna save us all, I - I promise.” - Story and Song, Finale 1
“The Peacemaker.” - The Crystal Kingdom 7
“I find joy whatever I do.” - The Stolen Century 4
“And The Wordless One.” - The Crystal Kingdom 7
“Have we not… earned a little wrath?” - The Stolen Century 6
“You got all the time in the world, my man.” - The Stolen Century 3
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i think it's fun to think about how the starblaster crew probably doesn't understand how humans age. like they've got magnus and lucretia, who are technically adults, but still very baby. and then they've got barry, who is still baby to some races, but not in others. and i imagine that barry is probably regarded as the Human Expert because he's oldest, but he's so disconnected for the concept of Childhood that he gives everyone else wildly inaccurate information.
magnus is like "im in my twenties, man" and barry's just like "that's high school age, i think." and lup is like "humans come adults at 18, right?" and barry's like "...do we? truly?" he has no fucking clue anymore. barry's not sure when humans stop teething. 8, maybe? if he has to talk to a child, he uses the same language and vocab he would if he was talking to a college student.
magnus and lucretia 100% use this to their full advantage. like, sorry, i cant do that, I'm just a baby ))): in which case, barry decides that humans are adults at 18, thank you very much, magnus.
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stuff about the taz atla au:
Taako and Lup are the last surviving air nomads (and by extension, elves). Lup is the Avatar. I established Taako as an airbender but I think it could go either way; if he's a nonbender, he's still got the high-dex rogue-y vibes of an airbender for any fighting.
Barry is a waterbender from the Southern Water Tribe, and the one who finds the twins. He's extremely unnaturally gifted at bloodbending, but shit at most other waterbending until they find a master. (He can bloodbend when it's not the full moon, but usually only to shift someone's balance, shove a limb, etc. Can be very handy when used right, though!)
Lup's hardest element is water. She has the instinct to directly blast stuff, which pushes against the give-and-take nature of waterbending. Once she gets it she likes making huge, scary, ocean-like waves. She's progressively faster at learning earthbending and, of course, firebending comes easiest & becomes a favorite.
Lucretia is also water tribe, probably in the North, though I would love for her to be friends with Barry somehow. She may not be a bender, but she's for sure attuned to spirits, especially the moon. Possibly the whole North Pole spirit imbalance is because of some well-intentioned thing she does while they're trying to repel the fire nation.
Prince Kravitz is trying to capture the Avatar but the Avatar's brother keeps flirting with him and it's very confusing. I don't know if I want to make the Raven Queen be the Firelord but if she's anyone she might be Ursa.
Kravitz is accompanied by Davenport (tell me captain "haven't we earned a little wrath" davenport isn't a firebender), a family member or close advisor who has been secretly a traitor/spy for like a decade. He's mostly coming along to keep his own eye on the Avatar and make sure she doesn't get captured or killed. White Lotus member.
Merle is a swamp waterbender with plantbending and, to everyone's shock in a dire moment, healing powers. He was a good friend of Lup's 100 years ago. Also White Lotus.
Magnus is an earthbender, Julia is a Kyoshi warrior. "Why isn't Magnus the token nonbender" well you see this whole thing is an elaborate AU of that one stretch of SC where Taako learned fighting and Magnus learned wizarding (joke)
Magnus is desperate to interact with spirits but is not attuned to them at all. He's excited to meet Lup because she is obviously the bridge to him getting to pet spirit dogs. Might have a pet dog or bear fusion variant.
#taz balance#the adventure zone#taako#lup#barry bluejeans#magnus burnsides#merle highchurch#davenport#kravitz#julia burnsides#text#balance#mine#atla#atla au#taakitz
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Lup hopped onto the counter and sat down cross-legged, resting her chin in her hand. “Honestly, Taako, I didn’t think you had the attention span to hold a grudge this long.”
“She made me forget you, Lup.” He crossed his arms and leaned against the kitchen island, scowling at the floor. “She didn’t know if you were alive or dead but she made me forget you anyway.” There was a hitch in his throat that could have been anger or tears. Lup doubted even he knew which one. “I would have kept looking, I could have–”
“Bud, that’s exactly why she had to make you forget me. She knew you would never stop looking. She wanted to keep you safe, and give you a chance at a happy life while she made things right.”
“But don’t you see that’s worse?” His arms were clenched so tightly to his chest that his whole body shook.
Lup kept her tone gentle, tilting her head down in an attempt to meet his eyes that he refused to acknoweldge. “What do you mean?”
“Because I was happy, Lup! I forgot you, and I was happy. Not all the time, okay, there were some rough patches, but at least some of the time? Yeah, I thought I was doing okay, because I didn't know I had this big fucking hole in the middle of my chest."
Lup shook her head gently. “Taako-”
“How could she just erase you like that? How could I let her? I should have fought it, I should have kept something, like- like Barry did, or….” He threw his hands up, frustrated and overwhelmed by the thoughts that had clearly been running him ragged for months now.
Lup climbed down from the counter and went to lean next to him, their arms almost touching as they both stared at the floor. “You did keep something.”
He snorted. “If you're going to start on Magnus' bullshit about the umbra staff and how fate brought us back together, don't bother. I already told him where he can stick it.”
“No, that’s not what I mean. Do you remember how, every time you cooked something, Magnus always complained because you used all the spoons?”
Taako looked up at her for the first time, surprised. “What does that have to do-?”
“Do you remember?” There was an insistent edge to her voice now. Desperately trying to make him see.
“Okay, fuck! Yeah, I remember. I kept telling him you have to taste the food as you go.”
“You’re preaching to the choir, my man. But that’s not why you always used all the spoons.”
He was silent for a long moment, considering this. “What do you mean?”
“You used all the spoons because every time you went to taste what you were making, you always grabbed two spoons. I don’t know if you ever even noticed. But you did it because you knew I was supposed to be there with you. Barry told me that, when he couldn’t remember me, he felt it like a weight in his chest. But you, Taako, you felt me in every act of creation, in every moment of joy when you knew you had something good and you wanted to share it with someone. You can’t say you ever really forgot me when I was with you every time you cooked.”
#this has been in my head for weeks and if i have to suffer so do you#also lowkey a callout to my partner who always uses every spoon in the house when they cook#taz balance#taz balance spoilers#taako#lup#taz fanfic#troph writes
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(1.05am) Lup: you might be a red robe but that's not necessarily a red flag. wanna get lunch some time?
(1.20) Red Robe: oh boy I just knew this was a bad idea
(1.21) Lup: listen if you'd wanted my number you just needed to ask. What did you do, steal my phone and swipe right?
(1.22) Lup: because imagine my surprise when I reinstall tinder on my stone and find that I matched with an evil ghost. I've made some bad decisions on this app but that isn't one of them
(1.26) Red Robe: maybe it was a butt swipe
(1.26) Red Robe: like a butt dial
(1.26) Red Robe: you know
(1.27) Lup: god, you're so much less spooky on tinder than in person
(1.28) Lup: although I knew that already. your pictures make you look like a dork
(1.29) Red Robe: what? I like those pictures.
(1.30) Lup: well, okay, number one, the fish pic is always a bad look. no woman sees a man holding a big fish and thinks "I'd fuck that"
(1.31) Lup: and number two, no pictures of small animals. stick a dog in there or something. I'm thinking a jack russell terrier
(1.31) Lup: also, "my interests include: magiscience and being a nerd"? c'mon man get some better hobbies. even walks on the beach would be an improvement
(1.35) Red Robe: okay the fish pic was a joke
(1.35) Red Robe: this whole profile was a joke. I didn't even realise tinder was still installed on my stone
(1.36) Lup: ah, a joke profile, but then you saw me and fell in love at first sight, just had to swipe right. happens to the best of us
(1.37) Lup: well, it doesn't happen to me, I'm the one making other people fall in love. tough job but someone's gotta do it
(1.54) Red Robe: so, downloading tinder. looking for love on the moon must be tough. getting anywhere?
(1.55) Lup: don't think you can mine me for information
(1.55) Lup: IM mining YOU for information, it'd just be embarrassing if we were both at it. it's not even mining at that point, just two idiots digging holes
(1.56) Red Robe: I'm not trying to mine you for information!
(1.56) Red Robe: just genuinely curious. How is life on the moon?
(1.58) Lup: pretty rad, I guess. I get as many hot dogs as I can steal from fantasy costco and you can jump SO high because of the low gravity. me and ko keep getting up on the roof and throwing eggs at leon
(1.59) Lup: madam director won't let us have pets, though. maybe that's why I'm so horny for jack russell terriers
(2.00) Lup: how's life, like, menacing faerun and building weapons of mass destruction
(2.05) Red Robe: nowhere near as rad as living on the moon, I bet. I live in a cave
(2.06) Lup: mmm, bad thing to admit to a tinder match, my guy
(2.06) Lup: now I'm definitely not coming home with you
(2.08) Red Robe: I actually don't have a dick in this form, so. Probably for the best?
(2.09) Lup: ah, finally, some information. sometimes has a dick. that's going in the file
(2.10) Red Robe: you've got a FILE?
(2.11) Lup: sure. spooky, red, likes fishing, has a dick - question mark?
(2.12) Red Robe: I don't like fishing!
(2.13) Lup: not denying being red, though. inchresting
(2.13) Red Robe: what are you even saying at this point
(2.14) Lup: caught
(2.14) Lup: red handed
(2.15) Red Robe: doing WHAT
(2.17) Lup: okay but for real your profile is sad. what are your hobbies. let love goddess Lup help you out. We'll fix you up with a hot lady evil red ghost in no time
(2.17) Lup: with huge bone bazongas and eyelashes on her skull so you can tell she's a girl
(2.17) Lup: or, sorry, guess I shouldn't assume. are you even into the ladies? or do you want a sexy man ghost
(2.18) Lup: with a huge bone dick
(2.18) Lup: what're you looking for
(2.20) Red Robe: either, really
(2.21) Red Robe: I don't know, someone who's brave and strong and stands up for what she believes in even if no one else does
(2.22) Red Robe: but compassionate
(2.22) Red Robe: the kind of person who'd bring you soup and comfort you if you were crying even if she didn't know you that well
(2.26) Red Robe: and huge bone bazongas obviously
(2.34) Lup: what kind of soup?
(2.36) Red Robe: hah
(2.36) Red Robe: potato, I think
(2.37) Lup: huh
(2.37) Lup: I make a mean potato soup
(2.38) Lup: maybe I'll bring a flask next time I go on a mission, just in case
(2:38) Red Robe: I mean, I can’t eat in this form, but you could come over and I could watch you eat soup
(2:40) Red Robe: wait
(2:40) Red Robe: is that weird?
(2:40) Red Robe: sorry that’s super weird right?
(2:41) Lup: I mean, yeah, but I might be down to eat soup in your spooky cave sometimes
(2:42) Red Robe: really?
(2:43) Lup: yeah I bring the soup you bring the
(2:44) Lup: bones?
(2:44) Lup: is that anything?
(2:44) Red Robe: not really, but you can come eat dinner anytime
(2:44) Red Robe: if you want
(2:45) Red Robe: no pressure
(2:45) Red Robe: :)
(2:46) Lup: :P
(2.46) Lup: thats a spoon not a sticky out tongue
(2:46) Lup: like a soup spoon
(2:47) Lup: I gotta sleep but I’ll catch you soon?
(2:47) Lup: for spooky prophecies or soup?
(2:48) Red Robe: maybe a bit of both
(2:48) Red Robe: sweet dreams, Lup
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@taznovembercelebration sweet
“That music store guy hates my guts,” Taako announces, to no one in particular. You know, for the good of the order. Taako update from Taako central. “I’m either gonna kiss him or kill him.”
“If you’re going to verb him at all, I suggest ignore,” Barry replies dryly.
“Oh, I’m gonna verb him, alright.”
There’s a chorus of disgusted reactions. Taako doesn’t let it get him down.
“He’s gorgeous, for one, and plays the guitar, which is both a selling point but also a drawback.”
“Does he get good gas mileage?” Lup hollers from the back, where she’s chopping image candies at light speed. Barry is watching her around the corner and rearranging the gummy shelf meticulously, again. Oh no, the gummy pizza is out of alignment. Whatever will the gummy rat the size of a burrito the size of a baby do.
“This is just like that one musical where the two people that love each other can’t be together,” Taako miserates, staring out the window.
“Mhm,” Julia says. “The one,” snicker, “The, the one-”
“Yeah, Jules, you know, the only musical that ever had love in it.” Taako puts his hands on his hips. “Too many people work at this fucking candy store.”
“Some of us work at the fucking soda shop portion, sir,” Angus pipes up. “Besides, I thought you were rivals with the music store guy, whose name is actually Kravitz!”
“How did you know that, Abner.” Taako turns very slowly and dramatically. Everybody else would be sick of his bullshit, if anything else was going on, but it’s like one thirty on a Wednesday and they’re all sort of fucking off here. “What devil sacrifice did you make.”
“Only the devil sacrifice what taught me how to read,” Angus deadpans. Teens. “He wears a nametag, because he works in a store.”
“And?” Taako points at his own. “My name is clearly Julius Sleazor. You know, like the Pokemon.”
“Scizor?” Barry pushes up his glasses and makes a face.
“Kleavor, maybe?” Angus counters, like it’s running commentary rather than word noises Taako can hear with his ear cavities.
“No, I’m right,” Taako affirms. “Anyway, he can barely look at me. And he did that thing guys do when they ask what music you listen to so they can say they like better stuff.”
“Ew,” Lup says, wiping her hands and joining the rest of them. “Bear, your gummies aren’t symmetrical. But anyway, are you sure that’s why?”
“Yeah, maybe he just wanted to know what you’re into.” Julia shrugs. She taps a drum solo on the counter with the pens that look like lollipops, you know, for signing receipts. And getting super duper stolen but good, all the time. “Did you think of that?”
“He could be crafting you a mixed tape as we speak,” Angus says somberly. “You may only have hours to live.”
“Is he wooing me or plotting my death???”
“Both?” Lup looks at Barry.
“Both,” he agrees. “You’ll make a lovely drum, though. You’ll be remembered as bongos.”
“Man, fuck all y’all.” Taako leans on the counter. “I’m super gonna verb him when I get off work, you watch.”
“Ew,” everyone agrees, laughing, and as a customer jingles the door, they get back to looking busy. Taako can’t help but stare out the window, though. He has to know.
#taakitz#i guess?#taakitz fic#taz#taz b#tazb#taz balance#the adventure zone#the adventure zone balance#fan5fics#taznc
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Lup's terms of endearment
[Plain text: "Lup's terms of endearment". End plain text.]
Lup is a character that it takes a lot of practice for me to write, but there's a particular calling card for Lup that jumps out both from her canon dialogue and from fanon, right? We all know it: Lup absolutely loves to call people "babe".
But... when I'm writing her, I also end up wondering if I'm overusing any given signature vocative, or other element of her speech. After all, fanfic writers, myself very much included, are always looking for quick effective ways to make characters sound like themselves — and in a case of a character like Lup, peppering in a "babe" often seems to work like a charm in terms of making her more Lup-like, especially if you're writing Blupjeans.
The thing about this vocative-centric, vocabulary-centric approach to character voice is that it can, at least theoretically, lead to us overdoing it, and overshooting how the amount that Lup would use "babe" in canon. Which isn't a big deal, it's just fic — but I'm very hyperfixated and I love Lup very much, so I wanted to break down a some of when, where, and why she uses "babe" and other terms of endearment, as well as other little nuances I noticed.
Continuing under the cut, but the tl;dr is: Lup absolutely calls people "babe" a lot, but it's not exclusively romantic, it can be either sincere or teasing in tone, and she tends to do so more as time goes on, not so much at the start of the century.
(Partially inspired by and overlapping with the contents of this post (link) by @keplercryptids!)
"Babe"
[Plaintext: "Babe". End plaintext.]
Lup (to Barry): Don’t blow yourself up, babe, I’m sure your beautiful body’s gonna get killed by the Hunger soon enough.
-Ep. 67: Story and Song Part 1.
Lup (to Barry): Babe, I love you more than life and undeath itself, but let’s get somewhere safe first, so we can really savor this tender reunion.
-Ep. 67: Story and Song Part 1.
Lup: Taako, Barry and I got this. You gotta keep trying babe, I know you can do this.
-Ep. 68: Story and Song Part 2.
Lup (to Barry): Hear that, babe? We're legends.
-Ep. 68: Story and Song Part 2.
Lup (to Barry): I’m about to smooch your fucking brains out, babe.
-Ep. 69: Story and Song Part 3.
Lup (to Barry, during heist planning): We’re good, babe.
-Live in Nashville!
The first thing that jumps out at me is how back-loaded, for lack of a better term, the use of "babe" is among all Lup's appearances. It's part of one of her most iconic lines from Story and Song, but she doesn't drop a single "babe" throughout the whole The Stolen Century! Go up and read those lines again — pre-Story and Song, there's not a single one!
I have a few conjectures here that might explain this. First, on a Doyalist level, one could attribute this to small sample size (Lup just doesn't have that much dialogue relative to her thematic presence), and/or to Griffin himself still feeling out her character in the first few episodes that she appeared in.
But on a Watsonian level: I'm purely speculating, but I wonder if it was a nickname she that first started using (or at least, using with regularity) for Barry at some point well into the establishment of their relationship, and from there, it bled out into platonic contexts too. Speaking of which, the fact that she predominantly uses it for Barry doesn't stop her from using it for Taako — in fact, though it only comes up once, it's in a very sincere moment of encouragement (as Taako struggles to transmute all of Phandalin into sapphire).
On that note, if there's anything I'll personally admit to wanting to see more of in fic, it's more of Lup using "babe" in platonic/familial contexts! It's hard to extrapolate from canon if this is a "just Taako" thing, an "any close platonic bond" thing, or an "anyone whatsoever" thing, but I just think it's so cute! (And I'd personally vibe check it as realistic for her to say to other IPRE crewmates, for example — but I'm possibly biased, as a Lup and Magnus friendship writer/enjoyer.)
Lastly on the topic of "babe," it comes up in a variety of contexts, but as alluded to above, it can be sincere or teasing — of which the teasing can, but doesn't necessarily, overlap with flirting.
Specifically, Lup uses "babe" twice while gently, lightheartedly questioning Barry's decisions or priorities, like his intent to blow himself up. It also comes up in teasing or flirtatious moments within emotionally charged moments, like the reunion, or when she gets her body back. It's just not exclusively used for deflating tension — see her sheer confidence in the "we're legends" line and how she revels in it, for example.
All in all, "babe" is clearly one of Lup's go-to all-purpose words, and I like that it shows her voice evolving over time, whether or not that was intentional by Griffin. "Babe" is by far the most worth analyzing of Lup's terms of endearment, but we'll also talk about:
"Dear"
[Plain text: "Dear". End plain text.]
Lup: We need to make sure our friends in the ethereal plane aren’t listening. Taako, could you do the honors and shoo them away?
Taako: Go away!
Lup: Dear, you need to Blink.
-Ep. 66, The Stolen Century Part 7.
Lup: Lucretia, dear, I’ve already forgotten about the whole thing. Oh, uh! [Smiling] Sorry, bad choice of words.
-Ep. 68, Story and Song Part 2.
With the obligatory caveat that we have an even smaller sample size here, it jumps out at me that Lup only ever uses "dear" in teasing contexts, reacting to mistakes both big and small. But it's also a word she uses to emphasize love and forgiveness — especially communicating that she won't breeze past a mistake like it didn't happen, but also isn't going to maintain hostility over it, which we see with Lucretia.
(You can even make an argument that Lup teasing Taako with a "dear" is at least a little tension-defusing too, because that scene happens in the leadup to Lup and Barry presenting the Relic plan. But it's less clear there if she's using it consciously with that purpose.)
Miscellaneous: "Honey," "Bud," "(My) Man"
[Plain text: "Miscellaneous". End plain text.]
Barry: I mean um… the Conservatories, I guess, for obvious reasons.
Lup: Oh, oh sure, honey, that was a… that was a good one but, man, the food in Tesseralia though, like. It's hard to beat that.
-Ep. 66: The Stolen Century Part 6
Lup (to Magnus): What are you- why? [Laughs] We need to get- we need to- we gotta bounce. Look up. Look up, bud. It’s, it’s the Big H. It’s time to roll.
-Ep. 64: The Stolen Century Part 5.
Taako: Am I…? I’m not going to lose you again.
Lup: Never. Never again, bud.
-Ep. 68, Story and Song Part 2.
Lup: So, uh, Davenport, bud, kinda curious why you’d, uh, decided to come back out here after you wrote us about all the ghost-based dangers you encountered, my man, didn’t you consider that we’d be coming to collect for, you know, the goddess of death?
-Live in San Francisco!
Now, a few more odds and ends for the sake of completeness! The first thing I noticed is that she calls Barry "honey" while teasing him a little bit, as they compare their favorite cycles (though I don't think she's necessarily lying, either) — overall very similar to how she uses "babe" in playful contexts sometimes, or how she uses "dear" with Taako or Lucretia.
"Bud" is for Taako, Magnus, and Davenport! Like "babe," it seems to be a very multi-purpose vocative — ranging from questioning her friends' judgment, all the way to deeply sincere moments. (Taako seems to bring out the sincerity more than anyone, unsurprisingly.)
Lastly, "Man" is used both as a general filler word/emphasizing word without necessarily filling in for a name or subject, or alternatively, transforms into "my man" exactly once when talking to Davenport. That one's interesting to me because "my man" is something associated a lot more with Taako — and specifically, used by Taako with people he likes and trusts (link), though it may or may not actually be a serious context.
Merle (giving Taako some shitty kelp shoes): There’s a lot of give in kelp and if they’re too small, get ‘em wet and they’ll get bigger and these— These are for you.
Taako (pretending he won't immediately cast Levitate on them): Oh, well, thank you, my man. These are just beautiful!
-Ep. 62: The Stolen Century Part 3.
Taako: Barry, I— You got all the time in the world, my man.
-Ep. 62: The Stolen Century Part 3.
To compare and contrast, Lup's only known "my man" is deployed against Davenport when she's kind of questioning his judgment, but he's obviously a person she likes. If you'll let me speculate, I wouldn't be shocked if Lup overheard Taako hit Davenport with plenty of "my man"-s over the course of the Stolen Century — just a guess, but it's something I'd really like to believe in, because the twins influencing each other's speaking styles is just so cute.
And that's all! This was an exercise I undertook to get better at writing Lup, but I always really intended to post it too, so I hope it was interesting and insightful — I knew it definitely left me with a new appreciation for how Lup's way of speaking evolves over time, in particular!
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In honor of the Adventure Zone and the suffering game coming out soon I’m gonna talk about the moments in The Adventure Zone that got me the most emotional
Obviously spoilers for the Adventure Zone
5. Johann the Bard’s death
This one I think caught the majority of TAZ fans off guard. Whenever an NPC died.. it was always during the events of recovering a grand relic - never after the mission. It’s like-
Johann was here. And then he wasn’t.
And most people grew very attached to Johann during the episodes and arcs of making fun of him, asking if they’re ok with being forgotten, him and his relationship with the Void Fish— and to include this with my number 5
WHEN MAGNUS AT THE END OF THE PODCAST
NAMES HIS FUCKING DOG AFTER JOHANN
OHMYGODDD
4. Meeting Lup
Now- not when Lup was freed from the Umbra-staff and called out her brother for being gay, while that was a funny as fuck moment, that’s not what I’m referring to.
It’s when we cut back to the Stolen Century and we meet Lup officially for the first time. I just remember hearing her speak for the first time and her antics and I remember being like “god.. she’s just like her brother.”
And we get to know her and it’s like- we also find out she is nothing like Taako. She’s more empathetic to people - to strangers- she’s smarter than him(like book smart) , SHES a nerd, she flamboyant and kindhearted and it’s like also-
We’ve known her forever. She was in every single adventure the boys had- she was this overwhelming presence in the entire podcast - from her name burnt into the wall, to “where’d you get that umbrella?”, to flying to Taako’s aid every time he was in trouble— she had always been a character without a name or face to her and then we she is finally formally introduced you just love her instantly.
That’s amazing writing.
3. Arms outstretched
Now this got everyone.
It was such a powerful moment between brothers and between friends- even Griffin didn’t see it coming.
He fully expect them to just let Magnus float off into the astral plane but then they change the entire plot of the story and saved Magnus and brought him back.
Taako and Merle both using a spell slot to bring back their bestfriend. Also foreshadows to their deeper connection back in their stolen century.
The music behind that scene was also fucking phenomenal it was beautiful and I loved it.
2. “You fucking took everything from me”
Ok SO- THIS ONE IS INCREDIBLE- it starts me on the same tangent every time.
In this moment Taako has fully remembered all of the events that happened before Lucretia erased their memories and he is fucking infuriated.
Because if Lucretia had not done it that day- Taako and Barry would’ve found Lup. THINK ABOUT IT - that day they were going to check Wave Echo cave- they would’ve found Lup’s corse and the red robe and the umbrella - Taako would’ve made the connection and Barry would’ve figured it out instantly and Lup would’ve been set free and back.
But because Lucretia did it they never went to WaveEcho cave and they never found her- until a decade later- Taako found her stupid and unknowing - took her umbrella and watched her skeleton decay- AND NOW HE REMEMBERS THIS
And it’s too late to go back to WaveEcho now, the fucking hunger is here and her corpse is long gone, if she was a lich barry would’ve found her by now, and if she was in Phanadalin- it was all glass now - where could she have gone?
Taako is realizing silently what Barry isn’t aware of- Lup was right there. SHE WAS RIGHT IN FRONT OF HIM- and he couldn’t find her, he couldn’t save her.
In this moment of rage Taako realizes his sister is gone. She’s never coming back. Lucretia took his everything from him.
And it’s all her fault.
1. Magnus’s death
Now. The day I finished TAZ Balance edition, at 9:38PM, I cried myself to sleep. OF COURSE I DID
“HOW DOES MAGNUS DIE?”
SURROUNDED BY HIS LOVED ONES
WITH HIS DOGS
AND MAGNUS FINALLY ENDS HIS ULTIMATE QUEST- HE SEES HIS WIFE IN THE AFTERLIFE
Magnus, rushing in to everything because he ultimately wanted to die a crazed hero so he could see his wife again but still feel like he died doing something worth it just for her, who never loved another ever during his years alive, who turned down the temptation of his own relic because if he was going to see his wife again he wanted her to be proud of him, Magnus Burnsides whose ultimate destination and goal was to see the love of his life again.
And he finally did.
Magnus got the happy ending he truly deserved.
Magnus Burnsides is the most relatable character in all of the Adventure Zone(to me at least) I love and cherished him like he was truly my friend- so when he dies at the end of the podcast I cried like I was grieving a real person.
#merle highchurch#taz#the adventure zone#magnus burnsides#taako#taako from tv#taz lucretia#the adventure zone balance#barry bluejeans#taz lup#taz balance spoilers#taz davenport#sad quotes#taz graphic novel#podcast
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Just a microfic I wrote for fun.
What really happened in PoA
It was a normal day at Hogwarts. Everyone was in the Great Hall eating dinner. And… Ron eating like an animal as always.
“Ron. Ugh- I can’t believe you,” Hermione said in disgust.
“What?” Ron said while stuffing some more food in his mouth.
“Do you even-“ Hermione got cut off by a loud bang. The doors were opened. There was a man standing there. A black haired man. He was wearing black and white prison clothes. He was- HE WAS SIRIUS BLACK THAT RECENTLY HAD ESCAPED FROM AZKABAN!
Everyone in the Great Hall gasped in surprise. Harry was so shocked. Why would Sirius Black come to Hogwarts? Maybe to hunt him down or-
The next thing Harry saw was that he was already standing on the Slytherin table, literally standing on the table. He started walking towards the table where the teachers sat.
“DARLING! GUESS WHO’S BACK FROM JAIL!” He yelled looking at Professor Lupin. He seemed kind of… crazy.
The plates and glasses fell down as he walked on the table. The man looked around. “Ugh bloody Slytherins,” He looked at them in pure disgust. “When are Slytherins gonna quit being such prats?” The Slytherins were in pure shock- Everyone was in shock. That bastard was strutting- LITERALLY STRUTTING! How dare he barge into the Great Hall like this after he’d just escaped prison and strut on the table. Everyone looked at each other, trying to figure out what was happening. “Like damn babe I’ve never seen a Slytherin doing something useful,” The man said laughing. The expression on the Slytherin’s faces were priceless. Hah it was hilarious. They looked so offended. He would record this moment if he could to show it to Draco, just to piss him off. “Do at least something useful man,” The man yelled throwing his head back. He walked until he was at the end of the table. He sprung off the table and landed on his feet.
He looked back, Harry and the man made eye contact.
“Oh hey Harry, haven’t seen you in a long time,” He waved at him. Okay, now Harry was fucking confused. What the actual fuck was happening. He looked at the man in confusion. The man turned back and walked towards Professor Lup- PROFESSOR LUPIN?! Did they know each other? Maybe he was talking to Professor Lupin when he entered the Great Hall. He literally called him darling. Fuck, this shit was just too much to process. He didn’t even know what was going on.
The man sat on Professor Lupin’s lap. “Hey Moony, did you miss me? Or should I call you… Professor Lupin?” He put his index finger on Lupins chest. Professor Lupin was kind of shocked. He looked a little confused. The man looked at Professor McGonagall. “Oh hey Minnie, how you doing?” Professor McGonagall had a puzzled and kinda shocked look but then her gaze softened and she smiled at him.
Okay what the fUCK?!
Just as Professor McGonagall was about to respond Sirius turned his head towards Professor Snape. “Snivellus…” He said flatly. Glaring at him. Professor Snape glared back at him. “Black,” he said with a hateful tone. The man looked at Snape like he was about to murder him.
Fuck this! Something in Harry’s brain just short-circuited. He didn’t fucking understand anything. Why did Lupin look at Harry? Was Harry baby Bambi? He had no fucking clue. Fuck.
“Are you kidding me? Not here, Pads,” Lupin shoved the man- Sirius. Right his name is Sirius- off his lap. Sirius looked like a dog that got rejected. Lupin stood up, gave the Professors an apologetic nod and walked towards the doors. Sirius followed him. “Y’all suck. Especially the Slytherins,”
“Except you, Bambi!” He yelled as he walked out.
Everyone was so confused. Harry didn’t know what the hell just happened. The Great Hall was silent for a moment. But then everybody continued eating like nothing had happened. He had so many questions. He needed some time to process this. Harry wouldn’t be able to sleep that night.
#marauders#marauders era#sirius black#wolfstar#remus lupin#remus x sirius#harry potter#hermione granger#ron weasley#draco malfoy#severus snape#minerva mcgonagall#prisoner of azkaban
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We Got Boned!
I got brainworms from @taakosleftshoe's post this morning and now we're here!
Lup's upset about Lord Artemis Sterling paying his way into a permit to acquire some human remains he definitely shouldn't be using as a jigsaw puzzle in his stupid rich people museum. But it's okay, they're gonna write a book about it.
Read below or on Ao3
-
"I've been thinking."
"About the bones?"
"About the bones."
"I don't like it…" There's a pause. "The bones that is, not the thinking."
Lup appreciates that Barry doesn't ask the usual questions the, "is this because of the… you know?" Followed by a vague gesture which she guesses is supposed to somehow encapsulate the 9 and a bit years spent cradled in her own corpse's hands as the meat sack she lived in decayed.
"I think we can do something about it."
Barry sets his book down. "I'm listening."
"We're writing a book."
"Oooh, that ticks off some of the research requirements at work too."
"See, chagirl's not just the hottest elf you ever met."
"No, you're also the smartest and the bravest and the kindest…" He says it with such fondness, eyes crinkling at the sides, the lines by his mouth falling into place as he smiles. She's glad she got to add to those laugh lines before they gave up on the whole ageing schtick.
"Damn straight."
"...and the second best chef."
Barry's ducking even as she swings herself round to grab a cushion to throw.
"So, we're writing a book." He says evenly as the first pillow bonks off his back.
"About bones." Lup says cheerfully as she flings the next one.
"In general?" Barry asks as it baps harmlessly into his unguarded ear.
"About being bones."
"Oh. Oh that's good!" Barry looks up just in time to get a face full of the squishy fire patterned pillow.
Lup decides that’s enough violence. “It is, right?”
“An autoethnography of bones. No one’s done it before.”
“They sure haven’t."
“Have you got a name?”
“Not yet, I thought maybe you might have a sugg…” Lup’s not even done by
“We got boned!” Barry’s positively gleeful.
“Taako’s going to hate it. It’s perfect.”
–
"I love the way you wove your narrative in with Hodge's theory." Barry looks so proud, she fizzes from the inside out. She found someone who’d read what she wrote, who’d appreciate it.
"Thanks! This chapter about the rituals of death juxtaposed with the time I carved your leg bone is brilliant." She loved reading Barry’s work, he always found interesting ways to guide the reader to conclusions so naturally they’d believe they thought of it.
"You're only saying that because carving a ring out of your dead husband's thigh bone is, and I quote, “fucking rad” and you're glad people are going to know about it."
Lup admires the ring on her finger. "It's also very well written. Stuff can be two things."
"Stuff can be two things." Barry nods in agreement.
Lup reaches out to touch her hand to his.
It was fun to research together again. There were opportunities at the university, sure, but this was different. This was late nights and ad hoc meals, it was falling asleep on the sofa nose in a book, mussed up Barry waking her gently and leading her to bed so they didn't wake up with bad backs. It was exciting, being on the edge of discovery again, being part of the science of it. They lived it, maybe it could make a difference. And if not, the heist would.
Shit! The heist.
"Hey Bear. Did I ever mention why I wanted to write this?"
"Education of the masses?"
"Sure. Yeah. That. But also…"
"Lup?" Barry's doing the fake frowny face, if she waits too long he'll start laughing.
"There might be a teeeeensy heist."
Barry raises his eyebrows and blinks slowly at her.
"Just a little one, honest."
Barry waits, because he's glorious, he's perfect, he's always game for good reasons crime.
"I'm in."
"You don't have questions?"
"Not really." Barry looks thoughtfully down at her, hand still idly stroking her back. "I assume you have the how and I already know the why."
"It’s just a tiny backwards Indiana Jones."
"We're gonna steal the artefacts out of the museum."
"We're save the life-challenged people from the basement."
Barry snorts at that one, exactly like she hoped he would.
"So the book was for the book launch?" Barry asks. Smart man, excellent man.
"Where else would we hold it?"
"Can't think of a better location.” Barry says, nodding.
"Taako's doing the artefact levitation, Magnus is muscle, Merle’s on healing duty, and Krav's there to ensure they're actually gentle."
"You thought of everything." Barry says, and kisses her fondly on the cheek.
–
"So, I forgot about the security." Lup announces to the table.
"Mmhm." Says Kravitz, lips already pulled tight in disapproval. "Have you considered maybe not doing a crime and writing to ask them to release the remains instead? Maybe a petitio…"
Taako drowns him out with a loud raspberry. "You're embarrassing me, Bones. If you don't wanna come it's fine, just means Magnus and I can be faster with the dead dude jigsaws." Taako winks at Lup as Kravitz's eyes widen in alarm.
"No wait, crime's good, I love crime actually. I just forgot."
"Is it even really a crime if he was only allowed to exhume the bodies from the black glass because he bought the permit for it?" Barry asks.
"Yes." Says Kravitz too fast, then winces in pain as Taako definitely kicks him in the shin. "But, er, actuall… oh fuck it. You know what, yes, it's a crime, but I think the Raven queen will approve of this one."
"I'm also slightly concerned about the legality, Dr Lup."
"Who brought the baby?" Taako rolls his eyes.
"Why you did, Sir, remember, I live at your house, you drove Mr Kravitz and I here, you made me the bag of car snacks, remember?"
"It's our house, Agnes, we've talked about this, and we also talked about being cool." Taako hisses.
Lup snorts loudly. "You don't have to be involved, Angus, it's okay."
"Thank you very much Dr Lup, but I think that I might be able to help with the security. There's only two of them, I went to check yesterday, and I think they'd both find a distressed little boy very difficult to cope with."
"The perfect role for Merle!" Magnus says brightly. "He's the right height."
"I thought I might do it, Sir." Says Angus before Merle can reply. "I have…" Angus starts to sniffle. "I have been so looking… forward to a… a chance to act… you see… but if you think Merle would… be a better choice..." Tears leak down his cheeks and he looks so utterly forlorn that Lup's halfway to scooping him into a hug when he smiles. "Acting! See! I'm perfect for the role."
"And the moral conundrum you were wrestling with mere seconds ago?" Kravitz cocks an eyebrow.
"I just thought it'd be funny if Mr Taako thought he was living with two squares, Sir." Angus smiles brightly enough to get away with it.
"So if I'm not the kid, what am I doing?" Merle asks.
"You're our medic. Anyone gets knocked down, you make sure they get up again." Lup replies.
"They're never gonna keep us down." Deadpans Lucretia.
There’s a booming “HA!” from Magnus in recognition.
"Davenport, do you need anything?" Lup already knows the answer. Davenport's already prepared, Davenport was ready for this heist before Artemis Sterling took the bones for his stupid rich person museum.
"No thank you, Lup. I have the plans, the van, and the magnetic signs are ready to go. I thought a cat salon would work well."
Perfect.
"What do we do with them once we've got them?" Lucretia asks.
Lup's got this covered. "Where would they least expect?"
"Back in the basement!" Magnus yells immediately.
"Nope."
"My greenhouse!"
Taako grimaces at the thought. "We don't know if they were over 18, there's no way they're allowed to spend time in the cesspit of sin."
Angus thrusts his hand into the air, bouncing in his seat. Lup cannot believe they raised such a nerd. He's perfect.
"Ango?"
"Where they came from, Dr Lup." He grins, proud of himself. She's proud too.
"Right! What idiot's gonna steal something and put it back where it came from?"
"These idiots!" They chant in unison.
–
The thing about being one of the saviours of the universe and having your lives pumped into everyone’s heads is that no one can dispute it when you write a book about what it’s like to die. They know about every single time already. The falling, The Sword Cupboard Incident, the going-out-in-a-blaze-of-glory, the stabbed in the back and trapped for a decade. No publisher was going to say no, especially not when they realised it wasn’t a hinky memoir - there was no point in that. Everyone already knew. What they didn’t know though, was how to be science, but Lup and Barry? They breathed it.
It turns out that when you’re the saviours of the universe it’s easy to pick where you launch your book, you’re fighting the offers off. When you’re the saviours of the universe you can even get a guided tour in advance, you can bring 5 of your closest friends, and the world’s greatest detective, and no one questions it. Lord Artemis Sterling will give you the tour himself, let you know exactly how little he thinks of the people he stole, reinforce exactly why you’re definitely not planning on stealing any of his collection - cross your heart and hope to die.
When you’re the saviours of the universe no one can tell you that you can’t wear big stompy boots with a cocktail dress for your book launch, or that a denim suit isn’t “fitting” for the occasion. Lup has checked thoroughly, actually, and it’s fitting Barry very well if she does say so herself.
When you’re the saviours of the universe people who don’t give a shit about your book will show up for the launch just to put a sight on you. Just to say they saw the lover and one of the twins, they’ll hope to see the others. They won’t, of course. Apart from Lucreita. The lonely press release writer, noting down the events of the evening for posterity.
When you’re the saviours of the universe, you can get away with a lot.
–
The sound of metal pinging against ‘the nice glassware’ sets Lup’s teeth on edge. Being adored is great and all, but couldn’t it be quieter?
Chants of “speech!” chorus around the room, so she and Barry nod at each other, he pulls the cards they prepared from his inside pocket, and they walk slowly to the podium. Angus smiles beautifically up at her as she passes, this is his cue, she already knows he’s going to shine.
“HELLO NEVERWINTER! ARE YOU READY TO ROCK AND ROLL?” Lup yells into the mic, covering the wailing sound of Angus’ performance beginning as the door swings shut behind him. The audience looks at one another, there’s a single cough.
“I said, ARE YOU READY TO ROCK AND ROLL?” Lup repeats, revelling in the sea of horrified faces in front of her. She throws in a high kick, you know, just because. It’s important to keep all eyes on them and a boring speech is not going to cut it.
“Yes!” Lucretia shouts from a distant corner of the crowd.
“I suppose we could?” Someone else says.
“Great, that’s the kind of energy we love and were hoping for.” Barry says, adopting his very best patient teacher smile.
A small “woo!” comes from somewhere in the mass of people.
“Maybe we’re ready for just the rocking no rolling, Lup?”
“Well, we can certainly show you a medium good time this evening.” Lup smiles and nods at the smattering of polite laughter. The crowd seems slightly relieved she’s turned the energy down, more fool them.
“Have any of you ever been bones?” Barry asks the crowd.
“Yes!” Lup snorts loudly at Lucretia’s interjection.
“How was it?” Lup asks.
“Bad!” Lucretia shouts back. “I was dead.”
“You sure were! And did that mean you wanted just anyone to take your bones and do all sorts of bullshit with them?”
“No!” Lucretia replies, giving Lup an encouraging thumbs up.
“No.” Repeats Barry, solemnly. “And that’s how Lup and I feel too. Every bone, you see, has a story.”
“So when we got boned, it was hard.” Lup says.
“Really hard.” Barry adds, trying very hard to keep his face straight.
Lup notices his mouth twitching and decides to go for broke. “There’s no need to boast Barold.” She whispers, nudging him. He turns a delightful shade of pink.
“But what felt best…” Lup says, talking into the mic again. “... was when I was treated with respect. There’s nothing like your own brother stealing your stuff and cheesing it to make you feel like an object, not a person, even though it definitely wasn’t his fault because he couldn’t remember you.”
There’s a loud “Ha!” From a man in the front row, the person next to him elbows him hard in the ribs.
“No no, go ahead, that’s a good one, honestly. Just wait until we get to the bit where I made this.” Lup holds up her hand to show off her shiny white ring and grins wide. There’s a groan from a woman on the left. Lup hopes there’s at least one terrible first date happening here tonight.
“Bones, by their very nature, were part of a living breathing being.” Barry starts to work from the cards. He’s right, of course, they probably shouldn’t stray too far from the plan, shouldn’t front load too many of the anecdotes. “But once flesh leaves bone, we often forget the humanity of them. We don’t look at a person any more, we look at an object. An object to be taken, studied, stored, or displayed. We don’t often consider who they might have been, which grave markers we have taken them from, or whether there are families missing them.” Barry takes a moment to look out across the crowd. “When is it okay to take a body?” He asks no one and everyone all at once.
They wait.
Someone always cracks, eventually the heat of the silence will get to them and they’ll popcorn their way into an answer. It never fails in class.
Lup nods encouragingly, makes eye contact with anyone stupid enough to look up in this moment.
“After a thousand years.” Someone shouts up.
“Yes, so the historical argument is a good one. What’s the point in the militia looking at a skeleton from thousands of years ago? Why shouldn’t the remains become an artefact, each bone catalogued and recorded.”
“Yeah!”
“I’ll ask another question, what makes a person?”
There’s a longer silence.
“Who are you?” Lup asks. She loves it when people have to think about this. It’s rare they consider what the stuff of them is, beyond a name or a place or a purpose, the context of their lives.
“Lucretia!” Shouts Lucretia.
“You sure are. And who’s she? Is she books and journals and learning?” Barry asks.
“Fuck off Barry, I learned to fight! I made a second moon!”
“You did.” He says, voice softer for a moment. “But how would we demonstrate that in a museum?” He looks patiently around the room again.
“An information board?”
“What would we put on the information board?” Lup asks the room, they’re getting bolder and she’s delighting in it.
“The stuff about the moons.”
“And?”
“Her name!”; “The fighting stuff!”; “Journals on display.”
“All good suggestions, but how much of that context can we give? And how do we get it from some bones?”
“Research ‘em.” Lucretia’s beaming. Lup needs to bring her to more conferences to heckle.
“Research them!” Barry agrees, happily. “We wrote this book for multiple reasons, we wanted to share our experience because it’s important to encourage learning, but we also wanted to help people think differently.”
Angus sneaks back into the door, flaps his hands in a complex circle motion and purses his lips. Lup assumes he’s doing the bird call he practised earlier, thankfully him arriving back is all the signal she needs.
“Anyway, the main thing we want you to remember is that skeletons are people too. Thank you bye!”
Lup drops the mic.
Barry, many years deep in his conference circuits with Lup, reaches out to catch it before it fully leaves her hand. “Thank you for your time, please remember to buy your copy of “We Got Boned!: an autoethnography of death, respect, and being rad litches who can’t die.” Have a lovely evening and enjoy the canapes.”
Lup’s glad she didn’t knock the softness out of him, glad that the years apart didn’t take it either. She hopes people do buy the book, that people do care. But most of all she hopes that the people below them are currently speeding to freedom in the back of a ‘cat shampoo’ wagon.
Angus sniffles and grabs her leg. She bends to comfort him. “The mongoose have left the nest, Dr Lup, I repeat, the mongoose have left the nest.”
“The otters have built the dam?”
“Pardon?” Angus looks up at her his adorable little face scrunched up with confusion.
“Just messing with you Ango.”
“Oh. I… I knew that. Good one, Dr Lup.”
She winks at him, then scoops him up onto her hip - the next part of the plan was flawless, no one could argue with kid tears. “You ready?”
“I was born ready.” Angus replies, tears already welling in his eyes. “I was so… scared.” He wails. “I thought… I’d… never… see you… again.” The sobs are coming thick and fast.
“Oh no, don’t worry little man, you’re back now, but what have I told you about wandering off?”
“That I shouldn’t do it.” Angus says through his tears. “I’m going to be in so much trouble with Mr Taako and Mr Kravitz.”
“It’s okay, pumpkin, we don’t have to tell them.”
“I already did, I messaged them on my stone and they said I have to come home right away?”
“Right now, Angus?”
“Right now. I have to go home right now.” He wails loudly.
“Oh dear, well let’s go find Barry, I’m sure he’ll understand.”
Angus is shaking against her shoulder and Lup has no idea if it’s with laughter or the best fake-tear education Taako could give.
“Oh no, what’s wrong Angus?” Barry’s face is lined with concern as they approach him.
“I have… to… go… home.” Angus snuffles out between sobs. Lup tries to mop at his face, but soon realises he’s already soaked his hanky through. Incredible.
“Do you have a…?” She waves Angus’ handkerchief at Barry.
“Of course, oh dear, poor thing.” Barry hands over his denim pocket square. “I’m so sorry everyone, this was a fascinating discussion, but you can’t argue with that face, it seems like we’ll have to be off.”
“Surely you don’t both have to go?” A tall man with a well waxed moustache asks.
“I… miss my Grandpaaaaaaaaa.” Angus wails.
“Oh buddy, I’m so sorry. What can we do to help?” Barry asks.
“I’ll never be… able to see him… again because he’s… dead…” Angus is definitely reaching now, but thankfully everyone looks alarmed enough by the invocation of a dead grandfather that they’re not going to question it. “... but I’d like to… go home.” The sobs are thick and fast now.
“Oh Angus, of course we’ll take you home.” Lup pets his hand lovingly. “Won’t we Bear?”
Barry nods.
There’s grumblings around the circle, but no one is willing to outright tell a crying child no, especially not when Angus sobs even harder and reaches for Barry. If he’s not careful the kid’s going to give himself a nose bleed and Taako’s never going to forgive her if Angus gets hurt on her watch. Barry grimaces apologetically and takes Angus from Lup, who simply shrugs the universal ‘what can we do?’ at the group.
“Angus, you’re a genius.” Lup whispers to him as soon as they’re safely bundled in their coats and waiting outside for Barry to bring the car.
“Thank you very much Dr Lup, I thought my performance was excellent. You should have seen the guards.” He whispers back.
Lup dabs at his dry eyes with a fresh handkerchief from her pocket, just in case anyone’s watching.
–
“There’s pizza.” Taako waves his hand lazily in the direction of the kitchen. He’s strewn across Kravitz’s lap feeding him bites of cookie.
“Did you cater the heist?” Barry asks, as if he hasn’t been part of this family for years, as if he hasn’t heisted with them before.
“What are we, animals?” Lup and Taako ask together.
“Yeah, okay, I walked into that one.”
“So we’re all good?” Lup asks the room.
“We were so respectful.” Magnus shouts, appearing from the kitchen, mouth half full of pizza.
Lup glances to Kravitz, he nods subtly. That’s good enough for her.
“Everyone stashed safely?”
“I organised some plant cover to be extra safe.” Merle lounges on a beanbag there’s no way he’s getting out of without help.
“Organised or organ-ised?” Barry asks. “Wait, actually, no, I don’t want to know. Don’t tell me.”
“Too late, let me tell you about the dwarves and the ivy.” Merle crooks a finger and smiles his dirtiest old man smile.
“Pizza you say, Taako? In the kitchen?” Lup grabs Barry’s arm and pulls him out of danger.
“Thank you.” He squeezes her hand.
“No no, thank you.” She replies.
Lup hops up onto the counter, grabs a pizza slice with one hand and uses the other to pull Barry closer.
“We did it!”
“We did it.”
He kisses her, she kisses him right back. It’s only illegal if someone catches them.
“None of that on my ship.” Davenport shouts from the hallway.
Lup rolls her eyes and kisses him one more time anyway.
–
Lup huffs and throws the paper down.
“Still nothing?” Asks Barry.
“Still nothing. They didn’t even notice.” She doesn’t mean to take it personally, it’s good really. The longer that it takes for them to realise the bones are gone, the less likely it is to be linked to their event, but still, still. He cared enough to steal 12 year dead bodies from their graves, surely he wanted them for more than just the prestige? Infamy? Lup didn’t really know what the term was. Maybe he was just rich and bored and fancied trying his hand at archaeology. Either way, he hasn’t worked it out yet.
They’ve been scouring the paper for weeks, asking Krav to ask Sloane to ask Hurley if there’s anything rumbling, but there’s no word that Artemis has noticed the much emptier basement of his “museum.”
“Did I tell you that Lucretia found another family?” Lup asks.
“You did!” Despite hearing the news before, Barry sounds just as excited as she does. The relief has been palpable every time they’ve facilitated a reunion. Questions answered, a family able to care for their loved one in the proper way.
“I saw you matched another few sets of bones too.”
“Yeah, he jumbled them down there, hadn’t preserved them properly either, but I’ve been working on it. I’ve been talking to them while I work, it’s nice when they help out, makes it easier too. I’m glad they approve.”
“Who wouldn’t want you pouring over their bones? Handsome nerd paying endless attention to my body? Sign me up!”
“You can have that any time you’d like.” Barry says. He winks, corny enough to unbalance the smoothness of his words.
She loved him endlessly. Perfect, wonderful man.
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in contrast with my last post, in my latest relisten of taz balance i also recorded a bunch of quotes that felt like a punch to the gut (with zero context mostly). here’s some that made me a) cry or b) freak out because foreshadowing
MAJOR taz balance spoilers ahead; if you haven’t already listened to this amazing show, you should!
- “you can’t kill robbie, i have some big franchise plans for robbie”
- “you found her?“
- “one of you isn’t a lich, are you?”
- “tell julia i said i love her”
- “your staff, you lost control of it, and you blasted the letters L U P into the wall”
- “you look familiar too. have we met?” (this one i did put context for, it’s ren speaking to magnus in the eleventh hour during one of the early loops)
- “is there anything else you can edit in our past?” (this one also had context, magnus to istus i believe)
- “you’re going to be amazing”
- “there’s a long span of time that’s just not there” … “while you’re looking through these memories… there is something about the memory is a little bit off. there’s parts of it that are a little bit staticky.”
- “i named my fish after him”
- “he didn’t want to be a hero. it wasn’t his desire.”
- “Do you remember the last thing you said?”
“I said ‘I love you, Jules.’”
- “lup. they don’t trust me. i cant do it anymore, lup. i’m sorry”
- “the hunger is almost here. and when it arrives, the world will be lost.”
- “and it’s an incredibly familiar face, because it’s your face, magnus. this figure in the red robe is you.”
- “why are you doing this, taako?”
“because i’m worried no one else will have me”
- “you see this red robe put a single skeletal finger to its nonexistent lips”
- ”i’ll be having my body back you undead fuck”
- “trust barry. love barry. taako… it’s me… it’s *static*”
- “when there was trouble, you took the big hit. didn’t you, bud?”
- “and taako you remember lup now. how could you forget lup?”
- “are we just gonna burn every world that we can’t save just to keep the hunger from getting its hands on them? how does that make us any better than them?”
- “this is where we get to decide who we are”
- “show them the duck. it’s a good duck. i think they’ll like it!”
- “your journey could have ended anywhere… but it ended here. and you’re so grateful for that.”
- “sometimes there aren’t right decisions. sometimes there’s just decisions.”
- “back soon”
- “as his body falls further and further down, you realize you don’t know who that is.”
- “magnus. i’m going to find a place for you to be happy. it’ll just be for a little bit. i can do this. i love you magnus. i love all of you *fading into static*”
- “you *fucking took everything. from me*.”
- “i needed to say goodbye to someone
- “i don’t expect you all to forgive me…”
“i run over and hug her”
- “there’s magic in a bards song. they call it is inspiration and it tells the listener what they need to hear when they need to hear it… and you hear johann’s voice and it says: ‘you’re gonna have to fight… and *you’re gonna win!*’”
- “how does magnus die?”
- “and thus ends adventure zone balance. the story of four idiots who played dnd so hard they made themselves cry.”
#taz balance spoilers#taz balance#the adventure zone balance#mcelroys#taz#the adventure zone#taako taaco#magnus burnsides#merle highchurch#barry bluejeans#lup taaco
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