I love how larpers can really commit to the bit because listen: I love acting, I'm a major theater person, I also love dressing up and am a cosplayer, on top of all that I am a writer and love creating things! HOWEVER I do not think I could take larping seriously. Like imagining Dan from accounting coming at me in a public park acting like an elf or something would take me out immediately. Like really props to you guys

s1 episode 11 thoughts

this episode had me stressed. out. in the last 6 minutes i was speedrunning every emotion.

at first i thought we were finally getting some vampire action and i was excited to see how they handled that. but no. it went in a very different direction.

i also love that mulder thinks aliens come to earth to play with humans like how "we dissect frogs", sure i'll subscribe to that worldview.

i would love to know how frequently our main duo here finds themselves interviewing children because i feel like this happens a lot. do they train you for that at the academy?

was also receiving mixed messages here on if these two even LIKE interacting with children because scully seems pretty alright at it and seemed quite protective, especially after they got kidnapped. mulder was all "that's a nice bunny :)" so i was like oh, he knows what he's doing.

but then when the girl got kidnapped he was cracking jokes about the cops not looking in the right direction (which was up, because clearly aliens took her!) so i was like, okay so he does not know what he is doing if joking is his first instinct after a sort of amber alert situation (or he's of the "my sense of humor is twisted and dark you wouldn't understand" genre).

and THEN he tells the next girl's mom that she has a beautiful daughter. in conclusion: ???

scully stopped into mulder's motel room and then he makes her leave to attend to Secret Business and she said "mulder you're rushing me out of the room... is a girl coming over?" (cutscene to him on the water with his weird boss popping his sunflower seeds) <- i laughed at the juxtaposition

(and also laughed at how desperately scully wants this man to do something that isn't alien related, even if that means hooking up with random people during their investigation. i deeply respect the need to get under his skin as well it's very endearing to me. banter is key to a healthy dynamic.)

so the bossman comes and says back in the 50's they tried to make captain america but it didn't work out. happens sometimes. they then make a detour to a place that seems a VERY healthy environment to keep people experiencing severe distress. (/s)

at this point we learn the girls did the murders! and our agents are so busy wanting to LARP being a family they forgot about stranger danger- which now also goes in the adult's direction! they bought the kids soda and let one of the twins even give the cashier the money (which i think is a sign of deep respect in the culture of children, did mulder study for this or something?)

i was sweating at this point! i kept yelling girl they're gonna kill you!

luckily they figured this out but only AFTER drinking the children's poison. it was harrowing.

overall a good episode. i was sat at the edge of my seat. remember to NOT trust strange children because they might poison you and extract your blood.

(i will say that the treatment of IFV in this episode as a way to make little demon spawn spoke to the Scariness of Modern 90's Science and probably didn't make its proponents very happy- in modern vernacular we may use the term "Problematic"- but that's just my best guess because i have only ever lived in a world in which that is a fairly normal thing to happen and i cannot speak to the socio-cultural fears of a period i was not alive during without conducting intense research)

🍄 🍐 and or 💬?

(All 3, let's go!)

🍄 - How did you get your system name?

Okay so technically a friend of ours thought of it.

But:

We've since extrapolated meaning from it that I will now share with you all.

For a little context: we grew up with musical theatre. We were majoring in it at university. And singing has always been important in our life. So in a general sense, we knew it had to be something surrounding that. Anyway,

I can't find it but we wrote a whole thing once about how

the concept of a songbook is a collection of a performer's go-to songs for auditions and such, and how some they may know much better than others, but they're all meaningful in some way to the performer, and each song helps showcase a different aspect of that person's abilities, and shows what they value and the versatility of the person. A performer will often take out old songs that no longer fit or serve them, and add new songs that they've only recently learned, but every song was once a part of the book. And I feel the same way about our system. We're all songs in the Songbook, and some of us are very new, and some of us have seen our worst and best moments. But we're all part of the same book, and we're all important for our own reasons.

That, and we've actually met and/or gotten to know a lot of headmates through singing.

While we were at school, we used to lock ourself in a practice room in the music building and do karaoke by ourself.

Specific songs had meaning/hit hard for some headmates, who would either have picked the song for that purpose, or have come to front during the song without even realizing. It's such a surreal experience.

🍐 - Are there any nonhuman headmates (in the system)?

Yes! Several! That number actually used to be much higher.

We've got a couple vampires, a couple werewolves, a couple introjects of dnd/LARP characters that are very unique (mostly elves but also some more obscure races). Uuummm... We have various magic users? Not sure if that counts... Some fae-adjacent people. A couple pure animals (A cat, a wolf, and a bird), a demon, a couple Time Lords, aaaaand whatever the hell Yakko Warner is.

💬 - Free space! Talk about anything!

OKAY SO

A number of us/our headmates have personal Spotify playlists and/or Pinterest boards. And I would absolutely love to link them for you if you want.

Also! We made a Google Slide Presentation about each of the headmates our friends were likely to meet!

Each headmate has 4 slides.

An Introductory Slide, containing basic information like name/pronouns as well as a little blurb about who they are/what they're like, and other info like system role, indicators when fronting, and likes and dislikes (sometimes containing positive/negative triggers).

A "faceclaim" Slide (we don't usually use the word faceclaim), which is covered in mostly Picrews or personal art of the headmate, to get a sense of what they look like.

An Aesthetics Slide, compiling a lot of stuff from their Pinterest board if they have one. Outfits and aesthetics indicative of their color pallete, Pinterest quotes, things of that nature.

Aaand a Miscellaneous Slide! Most of these are just a bunch of tumblr posts that "fit the vibe". Also other various memes, or pics dreamed "not sophisticated enough" for the Aesthetics Slide.

Another key feature of these slides is that everyone's slides are their favorite color, and the Introductory Slide is typed out in a font that either matches their vibes or is similar to their handwriting.

An example (that's probably outdated) can be seen in this post (cw aro discourse).

As always, feel free to ask whatever questions you want!!! Fill that inbox!!!

Thanks for asking/reading! :)

PLEASE TUMBLR STOP EATING MY ASKS

what do you think lila + the rest of rfa halloween costumes would be??

Great question. There are some answers for this since we've seen the cast in Halloween Costumes officially before. I feel like some of their choices make sense and others were done just because they fit their basic element of getting dressed up.

I believe that I would keep Jumin as a vampire. He's friends with one and he loves being a part of the nighttime fanfare. He's mysterious to many and I can't see him thinking too hard about a costume. There's nothing wrong with the classics, after all! You can't go wrong with a tried and true monster... of course, get ready to debate the multiple types of vampires.

Zen can stay a werewolf. That's a given and I don't think we need to dive too deep into that thought process. He warns you about them and he is one. Point blank. Get a spray bottle to cool him off since he gets too into character. Yoosung would spend hours putting together a costume for his LOLOL character. He got the idea from a buddy... and I see him being over the top with how much time he'll spend on this. Good luck learning about LARPs, Yoosung. That's your path in the future.

V uses every Halloween to be a detective. I feel like he just uses the excuse to carry his pipe around to smoke. Since, canonically, he does use a pipe to smoke. So, sorry to anyone hoping he's going to get out of the Sherlock costume. This is your man and you need to accept his dream of being a detective.

Jaehee is hard to pick a costume for. She would obviously go along with the event rules since they'll hold a party for Halloween and every person attending needs a costume. I think she'd go for traditional just as Jumin does. She deserves a chance to be a classy witch. She can order people around and a few of them might play along with a spell. I'm looking at you, Saeyoung. You're playing along with it to see if you can make Jaehee laugh.

Speaking of Saeyoung, listen. He can make a funny costume or a serious one. But, I want him to fit a theme with his brother which means that he's going to be a little devil. It fits him since he might as well lean into his sadistic tendencies. I expect no less from him... and frankly, count your blessings. This is better than him showing up as a "sexy car." Not a race car driver. A car. He knows how to have fun but we gotta reel him in.

This means that Saeran is an angel to counter his brother being the devil. It fits him since he's always a delight to be around. Everyone he's around already comments that he's a saint for choosing to be forgiving and sweet to others, so he might as well let himself fit the angelic quality and put a halo on his head. It's better for him to go with something light, anyway. The last Halloween he went through was as a Phantom... and he's learning to curb his obsessive desire.

Rika's been a witch before but I feel like it's too on the nose to make her a witch or an enchantress. I want to see her as a vampire. I want to see her confront her demons by choosing a costume that makes her feel not only powerful and in charge of her body, but also helps her remember that her choices have power and she can choose to do what's right for herself... there's also just something very nice about a blonde vampire staring at you intently.

Vanderwood refuses a costume. If you ask, they're just going to pull a Wednesday Addams, “This is my costume. I'm a homicidal maniac, they look just like everyone else.”

And, hm... If I had to pick a costume for my CMC Lila? You know what, let's just be consistent here. She and Saeran would want to match a theme, so she'd need to fit into the theme that Saeyoung and Saeran already set up. Hilariously, she'd just dress up as half angel and half devil, and say that "Saeran and Saeyoung are acting as my conscientious." Because I just think it's hilarious if they tell her to do something and she just goes through with it.

You asked and you shall receive lol

Damien feeling self conscious and Anthony showing him how beautiful and sexy he is

ooooh I love this. I hope you like what I did with this prompt!

I'm yours

The doorbell rang.

Damien scuttled to get his coat, his bag and his keys. He kissed his cats goodnight and opened the door.

"Oh, but this isn't fair..." went through Damien's head. It was like his entire world was spinning. He couldn't compare to THAT!

read on ao3

"Antonio! I'm so stoked you're coming with to Quadcon! Do you wanna travel alone or shall I pick u up? My jeep is already packed w all my gear haha! Please lmk?"

Anthony smiled at the text. Damien was so into cosplay and took gaming so seriously, it was cute. Really cute. Anthony smiled widely while closing his eyes. A bridal fantasy played in his mind; him and Damien walking through an adoring crowd of lesser larp-ers, all cheering and clapping.

It was close to midnight and Anthony was still scrolling through Instagram in his bed.

"Yes, your jeep will do just fine, thanks!"

He couldn't believe he got to go with Damien, and only Damien. He was so bad at group interactions. But one-on-one, they'd have so much fun, and bond more than they already had. Hopefully Damien would like him.

Damien was so interesting to Anthony. He was like this dark prince, with a vast body of knowledge he didn't flaunt about with. But sometimes he'd say something implying pools of wisdom Anthony couldn't wait to jump into with him.

Anthony really hoped Damien would like him! And not think he was soo extreme or something. He knew he could be a bit 'much'. But as much as he tried to temper his intense personality, however many therapy sessions he booked... he couldn't help it.

Anthony also knew that Damien had something of a 'manual' so he hoped that they could trade off their quirks and come away somewhat even.

"Oh, Damien..." Anthony thought before he fell asleep.

~

Damien looked in the mirror. His simple looking but actually intricately and carefully made white vest fit him. Maybe, maybe it was a tad tight around the waist. But around his neck it was nice and loose, and the stings were neatly strung through the holes, but not 'too' neatly. His white silver hair styled to look messy, his dark roots matching the dark circles under his eyes.

He was Astarion.

The doorbell rang.

Damien scuttled to get his coat, his bag and his keys. He kissed his cats goodnight and opened the door.

Clive stood there. "Oh, but this isn't fair..." went through Damien's head. It was like his entire world was spinning. He couldn't compare to THAT!

"Hey, you look great! But, are you okay, Damien?"

Clive, or a somehow hotter version of Clive was looking at him with slight concern. How was this possible? Anthony had straightened his hair into a shiny Anime style. The leather pants FIT him, like they were made for his legs and his legs alone. The tattered cloak looked so well constructed... Anthony looked out of this world beautiful. The kind of beautiful that makes you sick, that makes you want to vanish, that makes you want to get away from it but you can't because you're mesmerized.

"You look so fucking hot, Anthony."

Anthony giggled. Thank god, that snapped Damien out of it.

"Why thanks, you look hot yourself!" Anthony was lucky he was so bad at fake-flirting. His pathetic swagger and negative charisma made up for his insanely good looks.

"Well, I guess Astarion's the side-kick tonight."

"What do you mean?"

"I can't compare to you, look at yourself! It's like you're the brand name and I'm the Dollar Store rip-off version."

"What? What are you talking about, look at your hot open vest, like the vampire vibes are strong, man! Women can't resist a good vampire."

"Let's be honest though, they won't even look at me if I walk next to you. I'm not attractive like you. Let's just get to my car."

~

Anthony kept giving Damien side-glances on their way to the convention. It made him even more self-conscious. He had to refuel so he stopped the car at an otherwise abandoned gas station. Anthony kept looking at him, but didn't say anything.

Damien quickly got out and took a deep breath. As long as Anthony didn't speak, Damien was beyond attracted to him. He even got goosebumps. Or was that the cool night breeze? He paid the machine and wanted to get back into his car, but saw Anthony wasn't inside anymore.

Damien turned around, and there Anthony stood, much closer than Damien was used to or comfortable with. But he was exhilarated by it now. Anthony's black eyes had a red glow to them, even though it was probably Damien's car lights. His red shirt somehow showing his abs. And now Anthony's hands grazed Damien's waist.

It was exactly the area Damien worried about. His belly, he didn't have abs like Anthony. But Anthony rubbed him up and down, massaging with his thumbs. They both parted their lips and Damien whimpered something- but whatever it was, we will never know because Anthony locked him into a kiss.

Damien took a step back but Anthony took one forward. They bumped into Damien's jeep and Anthony grabbed Damien's wrists and pushed them against the metal.

"Don't you ever dare to tell me that you're not attractive, Damien," he growled. Then he licked Damien's neck and bit, rough and hard, and Damien moaned just a bit loud. Luckily, nobody was there.

Anthony pushed his leg between Damien's legs, forcing Damien to reveal he had a hard-on. He smirked and pulled Damien's hand down to his crotch. Anthony was hard too.

Were they really doing this?

"So, do you want to fuck me?" Anthony asked, panting, right next to Damien's elf-shaped ears.

Damien didn't give an answer but grabbed Anthony's slender torso and pushed him against the car instead. He had him pinned with his back to him now. Anthony laughed. "That's more like it! Take control, Damien!"

Damien unbuckled his and Anthony's pants, and massaged Anthony's ass. "Yeah, that feels so good, Damien! Now, fuck me!"

Damien's pre-cum acted as lube and he slid into Anthony, thrusting into him, and it really worked. He felt more secure, more sure of his own looks.

"Whose are you?" He asked Anthony.

"Yours, Damien! I'm - argh - I'm yours!"

The jeep wobbled as they kept pushing against it. But Damien didn't notice. He only noticed Anthony. He reveled in the experience of Anthony - THIS closely, just his straightened dark hair and his muscled arms in sight, zooming into a blurred vision each thrust. It was something Damien had never thought he'd do. He couldn't believe he was here with Anthony and Anthony alone.

"I'm gonna cum, oh god!"

Both Anthony and Damien were panting. Damien exited him and he turned around. His face as aggravatingly pretty as ever. They kissed, tenderly.

Damien's semen had dripped out of Anthony's ass, all over their costumes. They cleaned it up with some spare cloths Damien had in the back of the jeep. They got back into the car.

"That... that was... incredible?"

"Yeah, it was. I didn't know you wanted me like that."

"I have, ever since we met. I have tried to keep away from you a bit. Keep a distance. Because it would be too obvious I'm down bad for you, Anthony."

"You're so hot, Damien, so handsome. It felt so good giving in to you."

"Are you ready to go to the con?"

"Yeah, I am. Let's go."

Damien looked at Anthony with a new found love. When he wasn't acting, and was totally himself, he was such a sweet soul. Ugh. Hot AND kind. But Damien didn't feel self-conscious anymore. "That hottie over there? Mine!" Damien smiled.

How do you believe Carlisle feels about Esme? How would their break up go? Would he ever cheat on her? I mean like emotionally?

He loves her.

I don’t doubt that his feelings for Esme are genuine, that he respects and cherishes her and wishes to spend his life with her. Esme, too, worships the man.

My complete lack of faith in this ship comes from the fact that they’re together for the wrong reasons and not compatible. 

The Bad Beginning

Carlisle had spent centuries searching for likeminded, he never did. In the end he succumbs and starts creating his own, first Edward and then Esme, and to his joy they both agree to do the diet.

Esme’s transformation was entirely an impulse on his end. He saw this delightful, vivacious young woman he’d known ten years ago lie broken and dying in the morgue, a Jane Doe declared dead, she was all too easy to steal. She was too far gone for him to have time to think it over, and so he went «alright let’s do this. I imagine it seemed rather like God had sent her to that morgue specifically. We learn from Midnight Sun that romance wasn’t on his mind at all (even if it was, that wouldn’t make their marriage more functional) and he expected nothing of her. He bit her because he didn’t want Esme Platt to die.

Esme, of course, wakes up into this new life under surreal, heavenly circumstances. Her child is still dead - but here is the mythic, pedestaled Dr. Cullen, now her savior and more wonderful than ever. To back myself up with the books:

Esme had already been in love with Carlisle—much to his shock—but not through any mystical, magical means. She’d met Carlisle as a girl and, drawn to his gentleness, wit, and otherworldly beauty, formed an attachment that had haunted her for the rest of her human years. Life had not been kind to Esme, and so it was not surprising that this golden memory of a good man had never been supplanted in her heart. After the burning torment of transformation, when she’d awakened to the face of her long-cherished dream, her affections were entirely his. (Midnight Sun, chapter Bloodtype)

Carlisle, on his end, hadn’t had the idea at all until Edward said “Dude, she’s into you, go for it.”

I’d been on hand to caution Carlisle about her unforeseen reaction. He’d expected that she would be shocked by her transformation, traumatized by the pain, horrified by what she’d become, much as I had been. He’d expected to have to explain and apologize, to soothe and to atone. He knew there was a good chance that she would have preferred death, that she would despise him for the choice made without her knowledge or consent. So the fact that she had been immediately prepared to join this life—not really the life, but to join him—was not something he was ready for.

He’d never seen himself as a possible object of romantic love before that moment. It seemed contrary to what he was—a vampire, a monster. The knowledge I gave him changed the way he looked at Esme, the way he looked at himself.

More than that, it was very a powerful thing, choosing to save someone. It was not a decision any sane individual made lightly. (sic)

I’m not entirely void of authorial intent - I get that this was supposed to be romcom where the cute nerdy guy has no idea the girl is interested. 

But, what I see is that after centuries of being alone, never finding anybody who shared his values, Carlisle finally has these two people who share his ideals, the only two in the world. He’s had countless friends, but it never worked out because of that damn diet. But, now he has these two people, and one of them is a beautiful, kind, wonderful woman who’s in love with him.

I imagine falling for Esme was easy. It was just so perfect, simply by being Carlisle Cullen he could make her happier than any other man, and given their shared diet, he wanted her by his side always, just as he did Edward. And this was it for him, really, to Carlisle Cullen Esme might as well be the only woman in the world because she’s the only one who'll share his lifestyle. He also felt responsible for her.

I don’t at all doubt their sincerity or affection for one another.

However, they did not fall for each other for each other’s sakes. Esme fell for the ideal since childhood, and Carlisle fell because she was perfect. Stick them in an AU and it won’t happen.

The Slippery Slope

Where they run into trouble is firstly that Esme doesn’t share these ideals, nor value human life for its own sake. Now, I’m not asking her to be a saint - but over the course of these books we had some lapses that I find pretty damning. 

She wanted Edward back in Forks, when this would almost certainly mean the death of Bella Swan, simply because to Esme having Edward nearby > a person’s life. This wasn’t the case for Carlisle, he made it extremely clear he wanted Edward to leave.

During the “Kill Bella?” vote, she was in favor of whatever meant Edward would stay.

Carlisle, having failed to get anywhere with talking sense into Edward, sends him home to his mother for an intervention. What happens next is that Esme gives Edward her blessing to eat the delicious girl if he wants to. Now, we can’t know specifically the talk Carlisle and Esme had before this, but I can’t imagine it was this. Also, damn, what a miscommunication.

Esme simply doesn’t have a problem with the deaths of individual humans, and she will put her loved ones above all other things, even if it’s a minor inconvenience. Keeping Bella alive only becomes her priority after Edward makes it clear he wants this.

Now, Carlisle’s standards have been worn down over the centuries, he just wants his family to try not to eat people on purpose, that’s how low the bar is. Tragically for his marriage, Esme is stumbling over said bar.

The further trouble they run into is that I don’t think they’re very compatible people.

Esme means well, but she’s peculiar, to put it extremely nicely. Her ambition in life is to LARP the human life, right down to being a master chef of something her species can’t eat, which could be sweet if she did other things. She doesn’t, the closest she gets is designing homes for her family. There’s being single-minded, and then there’s Esme, who appears to have honed herself into someone who exists only to be the housewife.

This leads to bizarre behavior - for instance in Midnight Sun when Edward has realized he’s in love, he sits around laughing to himself like a lunatic while playing the piano. Something happens with Rosalie, who runs out of the house in humiliation. Esme, responding to all this, gives her infamous “the best and brightest of us all” pep talk.

It’s just such a weird scene, even accounting for the inhumanity of Twilight vampires this is weird.

Mostly, thought, it is Esme’s interests and desires in life that I find so at odds with Carlisle’s. She wants to be an improved human, living the shinier, better, life without actually embracing the inhumanity of vampirism, while Carlisle is doing the human thing because he wants to be a doctor and save lives. Before that, he was travelling the world, living with normal vampires, using his eternity to study and pursue meaning in life. Now, they end up in the same place, with similar goals - wanting to blend in with humans - but the motivation is the polar opposite.

Which in turn means that as the world turns and their lives inevitably change, the way they live will have to change. This will spell trouble.

There’s also me having a strong suspicion these two don’t have much of a physical relationship, if any. Meyer specifically referred to their relationship as spiritual, and that fits the vibe we get from them in the books. Quite notably, Rosalie and Emmett were impossible to be around when they were newlyweds, while Carlisle and Esme weren’t a problem at all. 

Not to mention what Esme longed for all those years was very much an ideal of a man, which to me doesn’t immediately point to a very physical attraction.

The Penultimate Peril

Would he cheat on her, you ask. Answer is yes, they’re both cheating emotionally with Edward. No. 

He’s with her because he wants to be, and feels responsible for her. More, developing the kinds of feelings necessary for an emotional affair isn’t really on the table for him, since everyone else in the world is either a. one of his kids or the Denali, b. an unrepentant man-eating demon. So, unless Tanya’s feeling frisky, Carlisle doesn’t have anybody to cheat with.

(I’m here defining an emotional affair, which as I understand it is a bit hard to define, as a romantic, but non-physical entanglement. The cheating party has to know their partner wouldn’t be cool with it for it to count in my eyes.)

As for physically cheating on her, nope. God no, not ever. Unless something really convoluted like the plot of Blue Moon unfolded, but that’s really more a case of Esme pimping out her husband to her daughter-in-law, so everyone’s to blame here.

The end

I think the breakup can happen in any number of ways, but I think either way it will be sudden. 

These two aren’t going to go “you know, I think we’ve grown apart” because Esme would never acknowledge that nevermind walk up to Carlisle and say it, and if Carlisle realized things aren’t working he’d still want to stick it out for her sake.

I think it’ll be sudden, it’ll happen as the immovable object that is them is hit by an unstoppable force. One will go someplace the other can’t follow. Maybe when the Cullen coven splits down the middle, and they’re on each their own side of the chasm, or maybe some other cause entirely.

It’ll devastate them both, but given the people these two are, I think it’s inevitable.

Collide

Characters: Dean Winchester x black!reader, Geralt x black!reader

Summary: When on a case, the reader bumps into a familiar face.

Warnings: None

A/N: This idea has been in my forever. I’m happy its finally out.

Between the store clerk trying to stare down your blouse and him giving you, Sam, and Dean unnecessary details of the attack here, you were gonna blow your brains out. Dean noticed your frustration and smiled at you. He loved the little pouty look you would get when you were annoyed. It was the same look you gave him when you wanted something from him.

To get away from the clerk’s stare you roamed around the gas station, still intently listening to his story.

“Then some dude who looked like he came straight from Game of Thrones came inside. I thought he was LARPing.”

“LARPing?” Dean repeated looking up from his notepad.

“Live action role playing,” you explained, your fingers dragging over the chips.

The clerk looked at you adoringly. “You know what it is?”

“Yeah,” you sauntered back up to the counter. Time to tease this little sucker. You took a cherry blowpop and unwrapped it. “I do it all the time. My favorite is the professor and the naughty schoolgirl.” You fluttered your eyelashes as you stuck the lollipop in your mouth.

Dean squeezed your hip in warning to cut it out. He didn’t need more reason to knock the kid out. You paid him no mind though. You just continue to smile at the clerk in which you had no doubt probably jizzed in his pants.

Dean slammed the countertop to get the young man’s attention. “Hey, eyes over here. What happened when Jon Snow came in?”

“Umm, he umm, went crazy.” You couldn’t hide your smile as he stumbled over his words. Serves him right for being a little creep. “He started swinging some blade around and killed the three other guys that were here. I thought I was next when we made eye contact, but he walked right pass me.”

Sam asked for the footage for the fight, but just our luck the camera was busted, it was only there for show. Now you had to be here longer listening to the clerk ramble.

“Uh, he’s as tall as you,” the clerk pointed at Dean, “But he’s ripped. More ripped than you,” he pointed at Sam while Dean murmured, he was ripped. “Oh, and his eyes, they were freaky man,”

The three of you traded looks. Maybe you were just dealing with a demon.

“What color were they? Yellow? White? Black?” Sam questioned.

“Yellow, well more like a golden color. You know kinda like Twilight vampire eyes.”

That was odd. None of you dealt with anything with those kind of eyes before. Guess this means this wasn’t gonna be as easy as you thought.

“Oh, and he had long white hair which is weird because he did not look that old at. Maybe it’s a new hipster trend.”

Your head popped up at the mention of the white hair. It couldn’t be him. He’d be dead by now.

Losing all jokiness, you grabbed the clerk by the collar and pulled out the necklace he gave you that you always wore. “Did he wear something like this?”

“Yeah, the same thing, just bigger.” You let him go and smoothed his collar in apology before walking out. You needed air asap.

Sam and Dean soon followed. Neither have seen you get rough with a witness before. “Y/N/N, you okay?” Sam rubbed your back as you tried to catch your breath.

“Yeah, I think I know who our killer is.”

“Kinda figured that out. Care to share with the class?” Dean knew just how to pull you out of that state, being a dick. You couldn’t pass up hitting him.

“Remember when those witches sent me to the past? I think the guy who helped me is the killer.”

Dean snapped his fingers trying to remember the man’s name. “What was his name. Geral- Gerald? No. Geral-”

“Geralt.” You finished for him.

Dean didn’t like how you said his name or how your eyes lightened up. The two of you weren’t a couple, but you were his.

“Wouldn’t he be dead by now?” Sam questioned.

“Time travel.” You simplified for him.

Dean shook his head. “Man, I hate time travel.”  

—

The three of you ended up at an abandoned house. You used a hair tie Geralt gave you as a conduit for a tracking spell.

“Geralt, do you have an extra scrunchie?”

“A what?” He asked, looking up at you on Roach as he walked alongside you.

You forgot they didn’t know the term scrunchies. “A hair tie.”

“Why didn’t you just call it that?” He complained.

You rolled your eyes at his grumpiness. “That’s what we call them in the future.”

“Ah. No, I don’t have an extra one. Why do you ask?”

“Because mines broke and I don’t want my braids in my face in this heat.”

Geralt sighed as he undid his. “Here,” he handed you his hair tie.

When you got into town, you bought a new hair tie at the market and you tried to give Geralt’s his, but he insisted on you keeping it. Instead he took the new one.

You surprised it work since it was so flimsy, but you couldn’t use the necklace he gave it to you, because technically it wasn’t his. He had it made for you. It was for his ‘little witcher.’

You opted to lead with your sword instead of your gun. Geralt wouldn’t be shooting at y’all. Plus, the only time you could use it was when you were hunting vamps and you missed swinging this baby through the air.

Quietly, you entered the home. Geralt would be on guard and you didn’t feel like fighting him off.

The three of you split up, in search of him. You really hope that you would find him first and not Sam or Dean. He wouldn’t trust them as easily.

Your hopes were crushed when you heard Dean yell, “Son of a bitch!” Racing down the hall, you and Sam arrived at the same time only to see Dean dodging Geralt’s sword.

“I thought you said he was some sort of hunter?” Sam pointed out Geralt’s black eyes.

“He’s not!”

You screamed out the Witcher’s name, but he didn’t respond. He had to be under someone’s control.

“Don’t shoot him!” You yelled at Dean, who was letting out rounds.

“Well, tell him to stop trying to impale me!” Dean rolled to his side to dodge the sword once more.

The witcher had the hunter backed into a corner with no room to miss his strikes. Before Dean could get stabbed, you blocked Geralt’s sword with yours.

“Geralt! Stop! It’s me!” Geralt’s black eyes held no recognition. It was as if you were another monster.

You’re a total badass but fighting Geralt proved to be exhausting. He was a much better swordsman than you and it didn’t help that you learned from him.

While you were trying to stay alive, a book barely missed your head. Looking in the direction it came from, you saw Jaskier being hemmed up by Sam and Dean.

“Jaskier, did you just throw a fucking book at me!?”

“Y/N?” The bard squinted his eyes, trying to make sure he wasn’t hallucinating you. “It’s you! Thank the heavens! Geralt is in dire need of your help.”

“I can see that!” You gritted, while Geralt had you backed against the wall with your swords crossed.

“Geralt, look it’s Y/N, the woman’s name you’ve been saying in your sleep is here.” He’s been saying your name in his sleep? You were sure he be too caught up with Yennfer.

It didn’t matter though. Geralt still was on attack mode. You were talking to Jaskier, trying to figure out what was happening when Geralt stroke your sword out of your hand with the tip of his near your neck.

Jaskier was forgotten by the boys, now that you were in imminent danger, but you told them to stand down. You knew you could get through to him.

“Geralt, it’s me!” The sound of distress in your voice broke through Geralt. His eyes reverted back to normal, well, normal for him.

He couldn’t believe what he was seeing. The one that got away.  Geralt dropped his sword, shortened the distance between you two by leaning his forehead against yours while cupping your jaw gently. “Y/N,” he whispered against your lips.

His lips took you by surprise. You haven’t felt them against yours since you came back your time. This time it was different. It was more passionate. The eagerness from Geralt let you know that he was seeking familiarity and you were willing to give it.

A throat clearing broke you out the kiss. You turned to see a pissed off Dean, a smug Jaskier, and an uncomfortable Sam. Taking in that sight, you stepped away from Geralt’s embrace.

“Um, Sam, Dean, this is Geralt of Rivia.”

Despite his immediate disdain for the man, Dean introduced himself. “Nice to meet you. I’m Dean Winchester of Lawrence.”

Geralt ticked his head to the side before shaking Dean’s hand. So, this was the idiot that Y/N would groan on about. He never quite understood why the idiot didn’t want to be in a relationship with Y/N. She was smart, beautiful, and a hell of a hunter. He would’ve taken her for himself if only time didn’t separate them.

With introductions over, you got to the meat of it. Geralt explained that someone plucked him, Jaskier, Ciri, and Yennefer out of time, just to use him as a weapon. The rest were used to keep him in line, but after one too many fights with his abductors they found a way to spell him under their control.

“Then why are you with him?” You asked Jaskier.

Jaskier’s face flushed and he looked towards the ground. “They said I was annoying, so they sent me with him.”

You had to contain your laughter, but Geralt did not. Leave it up to Jaskier to annoy his kidnappers to the point they couldn’t stand being around him.

You were getting into the backseat of Baby when Geralt just stood there a little confused. “What are you doing? Get in!” You patted the empty seat and he hesitantly slid in.

“This is small,” Geralt commented as his eyes roamed the vessel. It sort of reminded him of a carriage without the horses.

“Faster than Roach. How is she?” A smile graced your face as you reminisced on the stead. She was the most beautiful horse and as protective over you as Geralt.

“She’s well. She misses you though.” Not as much as him though, Geralt thought.

Nuh huh. This was not gonna happen on his watch. Dean let the freakazoid get one free kiss because he was disoriented, but he be damned if he let him make moves on his woman. “Who the hell is Roach?” Dean asked, looking at the pair of you from his rearview mirror.

“My horse.” Geralt met Dean’s eyes in the mirror but for only a moment.

Dean quirked an eyebrow. “Really? you named your horse after an insect.”

“Dude, you literally named the impala Baby,” Sam slapped his shoulder.

Sam’s comment launched the brothers into an argument about Baby’s name origin. While they were having their silly argument, you leaned up and turned on the radio to drown them out.

Immediately, Jaskier was intrigued by the music coming out. You told him all about the advancements in music and promised him to show him some good music.

Dean caught the tail end of your conversation and asked Jaskier why not start his music lesson now.

Sam and your eyes went to each other. Both of you knew Dean was about to go through his expansive cassette tape collection. Sam put in his headphones while you leaned your head back, getting comfortable for your nap.

You didn’t feel Geralt pull you off Jaskier when your body slumped over on him. You didn’t feel Geralt wrapped his arms around your waist as he leaned your head on him. And you definitely didn’t feel Dean’s hot gaze staring at your conjoined bodies.

Tagging: @deansblackbeauty​ @dark-night-sky-99​ @brownsugarcoffy​ @jinaaaannnnn @amethyst09​ @titty-teetee​ @deanscroissant​ @deansbbysblog​ @thickemadame​ @arizonalovesher​ @harrywujj

Part Time Immortality (pt 1?)

Fandom: Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Pairing: Spike x Reader

Warnings: Cussing?

Genre: I think it’s cute and funny.

Summary: Y/n is a vampire with a soul who works a normal human job and does a lot of normal human things. Spike doesn’t get it. Featuring, Spike pinning and Y/N being a little hard to get? (This isn’t a request. I just started a new job and my body is hella mad at me for it).

  “I don’t get it, pet.”

  “And I don’t get why you’re even here. Now both of us are confused.” The kitchen was mostly loud and crowded, but luckily the spot of the dishwasher had some space away from the racket. For a while, Y/N enjoyed the extra space and the separation from others, though recently that space has been filled by a vampire who, for some reason, has been allowed to enter the establishment with little to no questions?

  “It just makes no sense. You do realize you’re an immortal being, right? All-powerful, grr, and what have you.” As Spike spoke he fished a cigarette out of his jacket, placing it lightly between his lips before lighting it. Spike had been at this same tangent for what seemed to be days. It wasn’t until today that he actually followed Y/N into the establishment, complaining about their odd choice in income. Really, he just couldn’t stand the idea of the somewhat object of his affection slaving away at some shit show that only gave them minimum wage. 

  Y/N let out a sigh at the sound of the lighter, not fully turning towards the vampire to address his oddly mortal addiction. 

  “Do you have to do that in here?” They didn’t hate smoking generally, but in a small place that was already humid and stuffy, it threatened to make them just a little more uncomfortable and that extra discomfort could cause them to snap.

  “What, is it illegal?” His face tightened, not liking being told what to do. Granted, he’d make a lot of exceptions for Y/N, but he couldn’t just roll over and be lovey-dovey when the bloody person wasn’t even with him. 

  “Uh, yeah. Passed 1995 in California...not that it hasn’t just been ignored for the most part...” Pulling the rack out from the dishwasher had hot steam blowing up into their face, irritating them further. 

  “Ugh, still so annoying.” They quickly wiped their wet hands on the apron before moving onto the next batch of dirty dishes, rinsing off the ones that wouldn’t just get washed in the dishwasher.

  “Yes, well, immortality doesn’t make you immune to getting annoyed...in fact, it tends to make it worse.” He took another long drag of his cigarette as he watched them move around the line. It was odd how they could make the most lackluster movements entrancing to him. They didn’t add anything special to their movements, but he could write a poem of how he felt it was a show nonetheless. 

  As they loaded in the next part of the dishes, y/n turned around with another heavy sigh and stared at Spike. They leaned against the counter behind them and crossed their arms, a pout setting in on their face. 

  “Okay, what is it? Why are you here? Actually, why did they even let you in?”

  “Well, for the last question, most of your coworkers including your boss is at least buzzed if not drunk. Something about kitchen service brings out the worse in any creature. Secondly, I’m just trying to figure out why you’ve subscribed to this bullshit? Aren’t you a bit young to have a soul? You should be out killing and stealing. Unliving up the good life.” His tone carried his disbelief and his arm gestures added that flare to sell home the point.

  “Well, the whole soul bit was a choice and I’m working so that I can get money so that I can pay bills and blah blah blah. I don’t do the dine and dash thing.” This wasn’t the first time Spike shared his disbelief over their choices. Heck, he wasn’t even the only vampire that used their choices as some quip against them.

  “Fine, you don’t have to. I’ll provide the all you can eat buffet.” The way he spoke was nonchalant and confident. 

  “Oh yeah? And what’s the price for that?” They couldn’t help the huff of laughter that escaped them. It was odd to be at the end of his praises, especially considering their past was filled with literally trying to kill each other. 

  “Just for you to be on my side. I think I’m being very generous.” He locked his eyes onto Y/N to gauge their response. It wasn’t as though he was simply testing the waters by this point, he all but declared the word ‘love’ since he had come to terms with his feelings. Looking at their response was more of a service to see if they were at least opening up to the idea. 

  “No, you’re being very demanding and persistent. I’m friends with the scoobies and an enemy to the big baddies, which includes you by the way! In case you forgot!” Their arms had dropped and they looked at him with such an expression of disbelief that it could almost hurt his feeling. It probably would have added to the sting of rejection if he didn’t have a good bet on them feeling the same.

  “...You think I’m a big baddie?” A mischievous smile spread across Spike’s face at the perceived compliment. 

  “Oh my god, Spike. What has gotten into you? You literally tried to dust me a few mo-”

  “BACK TO WORK Y/N! SAVE YOUR LARP TALK FOR OFF THE CLOCK. YOU TOO….BLONDEIE...” The boss had rounded the corner and had apparently decided to get strict on the amount of work being done. Y/N rolled their eyes before turning back to the dishes, shaking their head as they tried to brush off the shout.

  “...Honestly, it is amazing the human race has lasted this long.” They couldn’t help the exclamation, frustration building up with every moment spent inside of the kitchen.

  “See! You’re too good for them. You should be with your own kind-” Spike quickly went for it, figuring now was as good of a time as any to accurately show what he was meaning. 

  “You mean you.” Y/N interrupted with some annoyance written on their face but not nearly as much as earlier when the boss had spoke up. They had turned back to the vampire, already losing their motivation to continue the job at hand.

  “Yes, you should be with me. Glad we agreed to this!”

  “Spike!”

  “Y/N!”

  Y/N groaned and turned away from the vampire once again, annoyance causing their body to feel as though it was heating up despite knowing that wasn’t likely. While they were trying to will themselves to put forth the effort into their job, they simply just stared at the dishes. They stayed quiet for a moment, their thoughts racing with the conversation they were having. 

  “Spike, even if I said yes, you have that chip. You couldn’t provide if I wanted you to.”

  “Oh sure, rub it in love.” 

  “I’m not mocking you, Spike. At least not right now.” Their voice had gone somewhat quiet by the end of their sentence before they looked back to Spike, confusion, and a sort of vulnerability showing in their eyes. The look risked causing Spike’s heart to start beating.  

  “So, why are you being like this exactly? Last time I checked you hated me about as much as you hate Buffy. Something about me being a no-good vampire like your old friend Angel?” 

  “Well, you are an awful vampire. I’m not going back on that.” He snorted, eyes glancing to his hands as he fidgeted ever so slightly.

  “So then whats going on? Are you okay?”

  He hesitated at the question, always caught off guard when they expressed any concern for him. Of course, they would ask questions like that and then wonder why he was so intent on providing literally anything for them.

  “Why do you care if I’m okay?” He tried to egg them on, wanting to get them to confirm something he already knew. The question obviously backfired as their face went back to a look of exasperation.

  “Okay, if you’re just going to act like this the-” They were interrupted by Spike holding his hands up, trying to show he was backing off with his motions. 

  “You’re right, you’re right. Look, I-”

  “I TOLD YOU TWO-”

  “OH, SHUT THE FUCK UP CLENT! Jesus Christ, I swear, everyone else here can dick around, however, and whenever, but the moment I just breathe he fucking bites my head off.” They hadn’t realized how hard they had been gripping the lip of the sink behind them until a noise of metal crushing got their attention. They looked towards the now bent sink before looking back to Spike, already wanting the night to be over with. 

  “Listen, I get you want to do the whole human thing, but at least go after a different job. You’re fucking miserable, and coming from me that’s saying something. All these centuries I’ve tortured people and not once was I evil enough to put them into food service.” Spike shook his head as he watched Clent leave the area, his attention only being drawn from him when he heard Y/N bark out a laugh. A smile spread across his face at the pleasant sound that accompanied their smile. God, he’d kill to be able to hear that for the rest of his undead life.

  They stayed quiet for a moment before they shrugged. 

  “Fine. I’ll at least quit this shit job. But I’m still not being a bad guy with you and I’m getting another job when I can.” Y/N couldn’t keep their smile down, small chuckles continuing to escape them as they untied their apron. Spike clapped his hands together, standing up straighter. 

  “Good to hear. Now let’s get the hell out of here!” 

So...road trip this weekend. This is pretty absurd, but we don’t really have used bookstores here... We have a Books-A-Million at the mall, which dabbles in used books but just barely, and a nerdy store called The Inner Geek that has some books but mostly vintage toys and tabletop gaming gear. And I heard someone opened a book café, but it’s on the far end of town and the online photos made it look more café and less book. (Maybe it’s BYOB, bring-your-own-book?) ANYWAY. Point being. When we want to brose a *good* used bookstore - which I often do, because I love out-of-print classic fantasy novels - we have to leave the state. So Saturday we drove two hours to Lexington because they have a couple Half Price Books stores. And after a full year of not leaving town due to COVID, we had like 7 bags full of books, CDs, video games, and DVDs to sell. Everything went great at the first store. We got there shortly after they opened at 10:00 am and there were signs posted everywhere saying one person per aisle. They had a sign on the door, and also called over the intercom, that your mask must cover your NOSE as well as your mouth. They’re taking the pandemic seriously and holding customers accountable! I was very pleased. We got $50 for half our sell-backs and found a lot of great buys, too. Then we had lunch at Schlotzky’s. I didn’t mean to take her picture, but in the background you can see a masked woman. She brought a book into the restaurant to read and it made my heart feel happy! After lunch we found an Asian market and my wife stocked up on sweets and drinks. Then we headed to the second HPB, and that’s where we somehow picked up a stalker. This store was a different experience entirely. This time we only got $30 for our remaining sell-backs (we split the selling into two trips so we wouldn’t have to be running back and forth between the store and the car in one go), and while the signage was the same, nobody was adhering. We were looking at science fiction paperbacks and a tall man talking loudly on his phone kept stepping closer to me until he literally brushed my arm. He wasn’t even looking at books - he was on the phone. I pointedly stomped around the other side of our cart to get away from him and while he didn’t stutter in his phone conversation, he did go away. I was about ready to make a scene with a loud, “EXCUSE ME - SIX FEET!” My god!!! People piss me off. Then we went to look at some gaming books because my wife found some old White Wolf manuals and we kind of collect them. (I did LARP Vampire: the Masquerade and MAGE briefly, but mostly I keep them for writing inspiration because the worldbuilding is just fascinating...) This time a young male kept inching his way closer while we were examining the two books they had. (The MAGE manual was brand new, velvet-lined, purple, and pristine. Also $60, so I passed. The Camarilla book was an older edition of the one I have, and the pages were pretty filthy, so I also passed.) I thought initially the guy wanted to look at the gaming books because - I say this only because he had glasses and unkempt hair - he looked like a nerd. Turns out, that was not the case. I caught the same guy staring at us as we moved to another section of the store, where he suddenly also happened to be. My wife went into the young adult alcove and was quickly swarmed by three girls. I couldn’t even get into the crowded aisle (again, the limit was supposed to be one person!) so I went to another shelf to look at true crime. I checked the YA books a couple more times, waiting for it to clear out some. And the guy was hanging around a corner. Not even alone, he was with a girl and I think another guy. By then I was feeling annoyed. I had a fucking mask on, so I knew he wasn’t really looking at my face??? We then looked at middle grade because I’m always on the lookout for Donna Jo Napoli, and that’s where they stick her, and i SAW The SAME GUY! He was never actually looking at books. He was always just standing there, looking out of place and hella awkward, never alone but with the same two people, but he was always looking at us. I wasn’t sure if my wife had noticed so I said, “Let’s get the fuck outta here. I’m tired of that guy staring at us.” She hadn’t noticed, but loudly proclaimed, “Where is he? I’ll stare right back?” I just said again, “Let’s get the fuck out of here.” We took our cart of books (yep, found some more) up to the registers. AND THAT MOTHERFUCKER FOLLOWED US. He like...jumped in line behind us, took a sliding leap. He was holding some things so I was like...well, I guess he could be checking out at the same time as us, coincidentally...??? But this time he was without his companions. So we started checking out and I whisper-hissed to my wife, “That’s--” and she said, “I know.” Then, loudly, she said how rude it was for people to stare. Our cashier said something (I’m hard of hearing so I don’t know what he said; my wife said he told her something like, “I understand, I’m sorry that happened to you”), then the other cashier, who I thought was checking that stalker-boy out, held up a flower book and asked, “Is this yours?” We were like...uh....no...and went about our business. After we checked out I grabbed our bags and was trying to like, run for the door. He’d only had like two things in his hands when I saw him scurry into line, and I was scared he’d try and follow us. I’m one of those people who fumbles and drops things and typos and gets all sorts of clumsy when I try to hurry, so it took twice as long as it should have. Finally we got out the door and I kept whisper-hissing to my wife, let’s hurry to the car. And she was like, no, if he follows us I’m going to tell him to fuck off! We got to the car and loaded up our books as fast as possible, and I just wanted the hell out of that parking lot, but my wife was like, no, there’s a trash can beside the store entrance and I’m dumping our garbage. I didn’t want to hesitate or linger, but despite her insistence that she could do it alone, I went with her. That guy gave me a really bad feeling. He could have been a harmless staring-type of creeper, but regardless, I wasn’t about to let her find out on her own. We went back to the store, and as she dumped our trash my wife said that guy was still in the store, fucking staring at us through the window. When they made eye contact, he ducked away from the corner and went down an aisle. I felt shaky for almost an hour after that, until we were headed out of Lexington and absorbed in an audiobook. I don’t feel like it was all harmless coincidence. How many times can you run into the same person in a store, even a small one? Why was he even there, if he wasn’t interested in books? I’m not sure if he even bought anything, or did he hand that flower book to “his” cashier and try to get her to give it to us as a creepy gift from him? Like, I don’t even know what was up with that flower book. We weren’t even at that end of the counter. We also considered that he might have gotten it into his head that we were shoplifting. I don’t know what would have given him that impression, other than perhaps the fact that I kept taking my cell phone out of my hoodie pocket and tucking it back, as I was comparing prices online versus the store, as I always do... I did see him lean over the counter and talk to the cashiers as we were leaving, and I thought at the time, is he complaining about us? Did he think we were stealing??? Which we weren’t, nor were we behaving suspiciously in any way. And, if he had thought that, why hadn’t he reported us the first or second times we bumped into each other, instead of waiting until seeing us check out and then jumping into line behind us? I mean, WTF. My best guess was that he perceived two girls looking at gaming books and got nerdily excited. But he didn’t try and start a conversation, he just. kept. staring. Men, don’t do this, ever. Women have enough shit to worry about without you stalking them, even by accident, in a fucking store.

Day Seven

Day Seven of the Hello Spring 2020 Writing Prompt Challenge

Characters- Charlie Bradbury, Dean Winchester, Sam Winchester, Castiel, Fem! Reader

Prompt- “Are we friends?” “No.”

Warnings- Drinking? Dean being illegally attractive?

Wordcount- 2,050

           You’re sitting in the bunker with Charlie for your rare movie night. Things haven’t been settled enough for the two of you to really see each other, between the last world-ending event, your normal hunts, and Charlie’s responsibilities as Queen of a LARP Kingdom. Ahead of you waits a movie marathon- you would bet money Charlie picked Harry Potter or The Lord of the Rings series- girl talk, and movie snacks, and even better, a night off from ganking monsters or stitching yourself and the boys up. 

               Sam and Dean had even left the bunker for the night, going to have some “brotherly bonding”, which you suspected was a cover for probably getting themselves arrested, absolutely piss-drunk, or both. “Alright, up for some Harry Potter?” Charlie exclaims, already sliding the disc into the large telly Dean had hooked up to what he and Sam called the “Dean-cave” (you refused to call it that). “Obviously. While we watch, you can finish telling me all about this girl you met.” You tease, wiggling your brows playfully at your red-headed best friend. Charlie laughs and agrees, and you grab the popcorn and change into your pyjamas.

               You were both laughing so hard your stomach ached over the story of your latest hunt- on which Dean had tripped right into the grave you’d dug, and the lid of a coffin had closed, trapping him with a skeleton- when the bunker doors open, familiar footsteps clunking down the stairs. “Y/N? Charlie?” Dean calls, peering into the room. “Hey, Dean. What are you doing back so early?” You ask, turning to face him questioningly. “Stealing my popcorn, apparently!” Charlie gasps, looking affronted as Dean reaches over to steal a handful of her popcorn. You laugh, and Dean winks, quickly munching on the popcorn with an exaggerated thumbs-up. “Friends share, Charlie.” He states seriously. “Are we friends?” Charlie asks, and now it’s Dean’s turn to act offended. “No. Apparently, Y/N is the only nice one here.” Dean huffs, green eyes narrowing at Charlie as he crosses his arms over his chest. You snicker and shove the tall hunter’s shoulder playfully. “Who says I’m nice?” You quip, raising a brow. “Unbelievable. You two are- are ganging up on me!” Dean shouts, throwing his hands in the air, and directing a glare at you and Charlie, while you only gave an innocent smile. “Payback for interrupting girl’s night. Now get out, Winchester, unless you want to hear all about my date from last week!” You smirk, Dean’s ears going red as he mumbles inaudibly and whirls around. “I am gone!” He calls from over his shoulder.

            You and Charlie laugh at Dean’s expense before you turn back to watch the movie, except her playful smirk that can only mean she’s up to no good is now directed at you. “What? I don’t like it when you look at me like that, Char.” You say nervously. “Oh, nothing. It’s just interesting, is all.” Charlie shrugs nonchalantly, her smirk only growing. “What.” You demand, less a question and more an order now. “You and Dean. How long has that been going on?” Charlie questions eagerly, leaning closer to you. You nearly choke on air. “Me- Dean and- What?!” You sputter, eyes as wide as moons. “Oh, please, Y/N, as your best friend, it is my sacred duty to inform you that you two are making major heart-eyes at each other. It’s kinda gross, actually, in a cute way.” Charlie snorts, rolling her eyes at your apparent obliviousness. “Charlie, I think you’ve been watching too many rom-coms.” You scoff. “Y/N, are you serious? You can tell me, I swear I won’t say anything.” Charlie pleads, giving you a pair of puppy-dog eyes almost as convincing as Sam’s. You sigh, realizing she isn’t giving up, and resign yourself to your fate.

          “Alright, fine, you got me. I may, sort of, just a wee bit, kind of... fancy Dean.” You admit. “But if you tell anyone, or even think about it near him, Charlie, I swear to God, I will bloody murder you!” You rush out, panicking at the thought she might let something slip. You loved Charlie, but she was kind of awful at keeping things hush-hush, and you would die from embarrassment if Dean ever found out about your not-so-platonic feelings for him. “I knew it! This is like, amaze-balls, Y/N! In the books the tension was so unreal, and in person, it’s killing me! Dean is totally crushing on you!” Charlie squeals, her face lighting up at your admission. “Holy Batman, you guys are just so cute together! You have to tell him!” Charlie insists. “Charlie, you’re insane. We get along great, and our friendship is really important to me. I’m not going to risk that because of some stupid feelings. Look, Char, I love for trying to convince me to take the chance, but it just isn’t gonna happen, and that’s okay. I’d rather be Dean’s friend than a hook-up or something.” You sigh. “But Y/N, I’m totally serious! You should see the way he looks at you-” “I’m attractive, and I’m a woman. Of course he looks at me. Lust and love are two very different things, Char. Can we- can we just drop it, please?” You ask, mood much more subdued now. “Okay. You’re wrong, though. You’re the Hermione to Dean’s Ron.” Charlie says softly, letting the topic go and playing the next movie.

               What neither of you know is that Dean had walked back, about to inform you of the next hunt, and heard everything from your threat on Charlie’s life, to Charlie’s weird, Harry Potter-themed comparison. Dean stood frozen in the hall, and almost dropped his beer in utter shock, his swift reflexes preventing him from being caught. He was glad no one saw him, because he was sure he’d turned a brighter red than Charlie’s hair, eyes bugging out of his head. Dean had been harboring the world’s biggest crush on you since the moment you’d met- first time the Winchester brothers saw you, you were spattered with blood (whose blood it was was impossible to tell) and had just eradicated a nest of at least five vampires, alone, and Dean was pretty sure he’d frozen and stared at you for a full minute- and had kept it to himself (except Sam, who somehow knew about Dean’s feelings before Dean knew about Dean’s feelings) the entirety of the four years he’d known you. The whole time, he didn’t think for a second you might feel the same way. For a split-second, he wondered if he was dreaming, the surprise of hearing you say out loud that you, Y/N L/N, actually fancied him, Dean Winchester, making his head spin and heart rate accelerate dangerously. And he knew exactly what he had to do.

                You and Charlie had shoved Dean Winchester and all relating topics aside, completely focused on catching up on all that you’d missed, and laughing over inside-jokes and the movies. “Hey, I just had a great idea.” You say suddenly. “What?” Charlie demands excitedly, smiling wide. “Snacks are great and all, but what would really make this a party is some tequila.” You grin, eyes bright with mischief. Tequila was Charlie’s weakness- two glasses in, and she’d be three sheets to the wind, and singing loudly and off-key whatever horrible pop song came into her head for hours, until she eventually passed out. “Absolutely not!” Charlie denies instantly. “Knew you’d say that. You’re no fun.”, you say with a smile, “but if you insist on denying me my own private concert, I’ll break out the cheap booze instead.” You finish. “Be right back! And don’t watch without me!” You shout warningly, Charlie giggling behind you and claiming she made no such promises. 

              You were still grinning as you made your way to the kitchen and the cabinet which housed bottles of cheap, but effective, alcohol. Rummaging through your options and humming classic rock to yourself, you didn’t notice someone else entering the room. “I hope you two aren’t drinking tequila. I don’t think I can handle a three-hour repeat of Charlie singing “Walking on Sunshine” again.” Dean’s low voice chuckles, the sound of his warm timbre sending warmth to your cheeks instantly as you recall the conversation about him from earlier. “Don’t worry, you’re safe. Just some trashy vodka tonight. I think the trick is to get her drunk before mentioning the tequila so she won’t be so sensible and say no.” You laugh, turning around with the bottle in your hand. Your breath catches at how close Dean is, close enough to count every freckle, to see every colour in his unfairly gorgeous messy green eyes. Your nervous smile falters under the intensity of his gaze- normally, when he’s as focused and determined, it’s because he’s staring down some demon or monster. Now he’s staring at you, and the air feels charged, and then his eyes drop from yours to your lips. It’s an effort not to let the glass bottle slip from your hand to the wood floor, and you should probably get going, really shouldn’t be doing this, but the rational part of your brain is drowned out in the overwhelming wave of Dean, and his smell, like good whiskey and leather and gasoline, and his eyes, which were seriously too beautiful to even be possible, and the way he was looking at you. He moves, and this time, you do drop the bottle, thankful for Dean’s quick reflexes as he catches it, and places it behind him on the island without looking, his plump lips crashing onto yours, stubble scratching your cheeks in a way that ignites a blaze of fire in your belly. 

            You kiss back just as passionately, all teeth and tongue and hands that map your body but stay above the waist in a way that’s so gentlemanly and so not. Just as swiftly as the kiss began, Dean ends it, pulling away barely, so you’re breathing the same air, chests heaving. It’s silent for a long moment, just staring at one another, your mind replaying the scene a million times. “You should get back to Charlie.” He murmurs, looking dazed and unfocused, but his eyes are still fixed on you. “Yeah.” You nod, suddenly insecure- was this his way of changing his mind, letting you know the kiss had been a mistake. Something in your expression or flashing through your eyes must give you away, because Dean gently cups your jaw in his rough, warm hand. “Hey,” he says, making you meet his eyes again, the green of them turned dark and hungry, but he’s looking at you with such tenderness, too, “you and me, we’re gonna talk, and I’m gonna kiss you again, probably a lot, but if you don’t walk out of this kitchen soon, I don’t think I’ll be able to let you go.” Dean says roughly, drinking you in. You suppress a shiver at the insatiable look in his eyes, the firm set to his jaw, and carefully step around him. 

                 You take the vodka bottle, and grip it so tight your knuckles turn white, like it’s the only thing keeping you from jumping the hunter right there in the kitchen. Dean watches your every move, and at the threshold, you look back at him. “So, I take it you fancy me then, right?” You ask, needing to hear confirmation. His lips draw into a smirk, and you want to kiss the smug expression off his face. “Give Charlie a thank you for me. Never been so glad for her Harry Potter references in my life.” Dean replies, watching in amusement as you flush red, realizing he heard you little talk with Charlie. “Hope she wasn’t spendin’ the night.” “Why’s that?” You dare to ask. “’Cause we’ve got plans.” Dean smirks, cocking a brow at you, waiting for you to tell him if he was crossing a line. “I’ve seen Harry Potter too many times anyways.” You mutter, meeting his cocky grin with one of your own, and quickly leaving the kitchen.

             “Charlie, I will never doubt you again, as long as I live.” “Well, good, but what happened?” “You and Sam hang out tonight.” “Huh? But- sleepover! Why?” “I’ve got plans.”

TAGS-

@ibwhellowriting​

CONSENSUAL HORRIBLE THINGS: Safety negotiation in RP

I got my first taste of Nordic-style LARPing at an event called The Night in Question in Austin. It was a rules-lite Vampire the Masquerade LARP set in the 1990′s revolving around a Sabbat mass embrace. I won’t go into the details, but if you google it, you’ll see pretty dang quick that it gets really messy really fast. While doing this, I realized something: 

All collaborative work is based in consent.

We understand the concept of consent within a sexual context- anything less than an enthusiastic yes is a no- but we do not often apply those rules to other delicate content. When running a LARP, these things all seem very straightforward- you have to negotiate physical contact (both romantic and non) and violence at all times because you are dealing with another physical person. 

But, in an online context (where you can not see the physical tells of someone being uncomfortable) the check-in system is harder to maintain. This does not mean, however, that it is any less important. So, here are some tips and thoughts on negotiating, writing, and portraying problematic content. All the guts of this is under the cut because it is a LONG POST. 

STEP ONE: THE INITIATION: Things are booping along in your scene and you and your partner come to a crossroads where you can tell some shit is about to go down. The first step is to talk to your partner. Message them, say “Yo, I think some shit is about to go down and I want to know how to proceed.” 

In a LARP, someone would pop out of character and say something like “Negotiation: physical violence.” Then your partner can either accept (and the negotiation begins) or decline. 

IF YOU DECLINE: If your partner declines, you talk about what to do next. This might mean, unfortunately, that you end the scene there. This isn’t a bad thing, it just means that you can’t continue on the current route. This might mean that you backtrack a post or two to take a different route on the decision tree. It is always within a player’s right to stop the scene, but you must communicate that you need to do so. The temptation to ghost someone might be there but you can not do that. If you decline, you are saying “I’m not comfortable with this direction and I do not want it to go here.”

IF YOU ACCEPT: Congrats, you can now enter into negotiation for consensual horribleness. There are three levels of contact and acceptance to remember 1: Fade to Black: You fade to black on what is going to happen and pick up the scene in the aftermath of what happened. You and the other player negotiate and discuss what happened during that time OOC and then stamp a big ol’ seal of approval on it and go forward. In essence, this is “I’m cool with the content, I want it to happen, but I don’t want to play it out.” 

2. Fast-forward and highlights: It’s the written equivalent of pantomiming what happens. You give a little punctuated flavor-text and skip to the juicy bits. Time goes as fast or as slow as you need. This generally keeps explicit detail out, but you still kind of know what happens. The short form of this is “I’m cool with the content but we don’t need the full LOTR version.”

3: Full contact: This is the LARP equivalent of being cool with stage combat. This is explicit, you do not spare details. This is “I want to extended directors cut of what happens.”

STEP TWO: NEGOTIATING THE SCENE

So, you accepted the invitation: congrats! You have given your consent to negotiate problematic content! As with all things, you can meet the level of comfortable content of your partner, but you may never exceed it. For instance, person A is uncomfortable writing sex scenes, but person B is not. An exchange between these two players would probably go something like this. 

Person B: C1 and C2 are really into each other and I think this scene is headed towards sexy times, are you cool with that? Person A: I totally think they’re into each other, and I could totally see that happening. I don’t want to write it out, though. I think they’d be really sweet Person B: That’s cool! Where do you want to pick back up? Person A: Let’s pick back up after the deed is done. It’s my post, so I’ll get us to the time skip. 

conversely, the scene could go like this:

Person B: C1 and C2 are really into each other and I think this scene is headed towards sexy times, are you cool with that? Person A: Right now, my character isn’t in a sexy mood. She might flip her shit, she’s got a lot of trauma. She wants to, but she can’t.  Person B: Cool! We don’t have to go that route.  Person A: I do want to explore her yearning to feel that connection, though. I think we have the potential for a really emotional scene.  Person B: Awesome!   

The same logic applies to negotiating physical violence or general atrocities: A negotiation could look like this: 

Person A: Hey, just giving you a heads up, we’re headed in a general dangerous direction and my character isn’t a nice person. Since this is an interrogation scene, I need to know your limits Person B: Awesome! You can beat my character up, but don’t cut off any of their limbs or pull out their teeth. I also have a problem with eye gouging.  Person A: Are you cool with medical experimentation? Person B: Oh hell yeah, that’s awesome! Person A: Should we do that on screen or off-screen? Person B: We can do it on-screen, but keep it under the cut. Person A: Be sure to tag body horror when you post Person B: Solid, can do!

SINCE YOU ARE ALLOWED TO REVOKE CONSENT AT ANY TIME, tapping out can look like this:  Person B: Hey, you haven’t posted in a few days, is everything okay? Person A: I’m having a lot of fun, I just feel bad about having fun with this. I’m afraid my RP partners are going to think I’m a rampaging shitbeast for writing this Person B: Do you want to do something different? Person A: Let’s fast-forward a little and get to the aftermath

or

Person B: whoa, so it turns out that I thought I was okay with disembowelment, but I’m really squicked out right now Person A: Do you want to stop the scene? Person B: Yeah, we can fade to black.  Person A: would it be better if we walked back a couple posts and faded there? Person B: That’s a lot better Person A: Are you okay?  Person B: Yeah, LOL, but can we write some fluff for a thread or something so I can reset? Person A: Cool beans, that sounds fun! 

There’s a lot more to this, and I would love to write volumes about it, but at risk of rambling I will end it here. 

TL;DR: consent is important, negotiation is important, communication is important. if you can’t be responsible with horrible things, then don’t write them. 

How 2 RP - Part 1.5 (A little extra)

Hey everyone! Masao here~ Welcome to part 1.5, a little extra for you all, where i interview a experienced RPer, who shares their story, and give their own tips for RP. I thought it would be nice to hear from someone that has more experience then i do.

Today, we talk with:

@captainkurosolaire

​​A very good friend of mine who was actually one of my very first RP friends back in the days of Heavensward. Kuro was one of the first groups i joined, called Goldbrand. A pirate group that mostly focused on hunting Relics and the like. I learned a lot about RP from him, and made me really enjoy writing stories. He is also a very awesome dude and very humble. I hope our little interview helps you get motivated to RP, and to set that first step into the fantastic world of FFXIV!

My first question for Kuro was:

When you started RP, how did you start? Did you have a lot of help? Kuro: I started 6 years ago in XIV RP. I've been LARPing, I've built my own scuffed tabletop game with me and a bud, I've done WoW RP (Didn't click with me due to bad introduction to it.) As an only child, I've always had nothing but the highest of imagination's and I've always been tethered to create and build.I had tons of help. I wouldn't be here in the community without one of my ex's who drove me into it. I was a cuck. They shaped me and saw that, I was passionately nerdy about this stuff and always directed me towards this but, I was a shy bean and in a cocoon thought I’d fail or be a burden. After they parted with me for being naive and needing to harden me with heartbreak, I took a gamble for myself. Leaped in after a person named Sei took me in, I created Captain off just his glamour alone and then built off the tiny sketches with what I had in solo and overtime.Started from Gilgamesh, then went to Balmung. This was the era when Quicksands a majority of the time was filled with ERP and anything on the outskirts, were the more serious players and you had to go looking. I made a character fit and based around Quicksands and centered around the atmosphere. It felt fitting. So I went brash from being the most introvert by playing the most opposite to me. To not only challenge myself, but to force me to learn more. This overall was more productive of aiding in my conquest for building my Tabletop game, at first, it was mainly for that...Then eventually as my reputation was mainly ERP but somehow my F-list had some actual character-depth, I expanded and branched off. I was told by my Kahn'a my practical Yoshi P and lore guide. Some helpful hints and after that they practically set me up for transitioning out of just being a smut writer, even though I had a story behind each thing, I wanted to transition out. Then I met Verrine, Mishi, Thorcatte, Sun’ra, These people really put the ground-works into my story alongside Kahn'a, everywhere I turned, every person I met, they were inspirations, they were aiding me in RPing and feeling like this is my home, this is the land of the nerds and I owe them everything for letting me find this haven.Eventually another friend told me basically, why not just DM(Dungeon Master). Since I had contacts, I had the RP and creativity for it. They pointed me in that direction. Wasn't until I met my longest and really huge gratitude of an RPer in Ayla, who eventually inspired and led me into not only you. But bringing in many others who I eventually found as crew.I owe a tremendous amount to Ayla... Without a shadow of a doubt. Kahn'a too, but I could say literally, I owe everyone, four-hundred people in my head right now. From I've ever contacted or came into RP or even plotted none of their experiences have ever gone to waste. They each gave me a presence of passion. I transitioned off; led a huge DM group that was mainly done because you reached back out after I hit a downward spiral. After I left everything behind and ruined nearly all of it and lost my mojo.You rose me back like the phoenix, I eventually created a plot so massive that I could DM for like thirty individual people with the right support and people, did I fail in being a community leader or dealing with drama and involving everyone with my health and limited energy? You're damn straight. -- I failed utterly horrendously!  However -- It wasn't entirety wasn't in vain, people found their little groups and pockets in that, they met their meshes. Which objectively, that's all that matters as someone who organizes those to bring people together and in.After that... I transitioned into Tumblr more after being encouraged by people like Fair-Fae from afar, to Sei. Then worked on drumming to the beats given. To every person, even the ones that are angry emoji in the background-- I love em' their passion rubs into me and it breathes of air, gives me wings better than red-bull advertises! As someone who's dealing with an inoperable and bed-ridden rare disease, I've never been or felt more alive.I owe so much to people, and it's why I've stuck around for six years now and continue to batter up against the foul. This is why, I want to raise, boost, encourage, and rally others to be shared so they find in match-making their RP partners, and despite... I know my writing style hasn't ever been everyone's flavor, I never have ever thought of ever wanting someone not to find happiness. I couldn't give up RP at this stage. My next question would be, If you could give a tip to someone who just wanted to start to get into RP, what would you say to them? Kuro:  Know this. Getting into RP is a joke. It's really easy, you possess already every tool to be a tremendous RPer! Much better than I and I ever will be.

Short version: Just communicate. RP It's merely a Dance that can be positively enchanting, magical! -- I don't care what anyone says. ~ It's a partnership, you've got to find the people who keep up with pace and momentum, or blend with your style. You won't always find that and it's not a bad thing if that can't work. Some characters don't connect, some are opposite but they can still work. That's because it requires, one additional thing that requires: a pillar of effort. Don't let yourself be overwhelmed. Looking from the outside this game I've heard and seen, It's intimidatingly daunting. It's a lot to get into. Though this game? It's unoriginal. There isn't anything you can't create in this game, you have science, you've got alchemy, you've got magic. This game is literally called Fantasy in the title, this game has yanked and pulled off all the foundations of RL concepts, other fantasy tropes, religions, and renamed them and splashes over paint. You can do the same... Anything can be explained, I don't care what it is. People are fundamentally not grown as the exact same, I'm not personally here to be a clone trooper. Now If I want to play that, I can even do that respectively.* Look around the game visually, see if you think it can be done with the setting and place, build yourself something anything, you've got a whole box of legos don’t step on them. It’s proven constantly your creativity can be endless the more you play over time, or invest, put yourself out there. Go look into some guides, pull from a book, or google anything you’re thinking about. Again: People have styles they're different. You may appeal to being an NPC, you may like to be extended into Lore, you may not like all the fantasy, that's more than reasonable, it's all valid... There are people that feel you, they're waiting for YOU. Then you'll find people who are open-minded, you'll find people like me, I was in RP's with aliens, voidsents, normal people, WoL, like I've witnessed a lot. Listen to them, let them explain, and most often they fit. If you're too close-minded to accept then you don't need to worry you’ve already decided they’re not you, or your taste, leave them to their devices let them have their happiness, and go back to the scour. Don’t try harassing or bothering something that’s not there or ever will work. Wastes time and misery and drama isn’t worth unless it’s within stories, trust me. See for me... I’ve seen it all. People saying aetherfeeders and vampires didn't exist they cried on the forums and held a tantrum you had people say for years -- then boom RDM storyline and Stormblood came out debunked. Submarines weren’t things prior to SB despite we’ve got Garlean’s over here casually making Gundam’s. Their careers are over they played themselves -- this game is still continuing and always will if you're waiting for official confirmation from a -book- then you're going to be miserable, you're living off the backbone of a book meant to 'guide' and be resourceful in extension not to weaponize it and be a prick to people who don’t follow strictly the same ethic as you’ve so randomly chosen for yourself in standards, I hate to burst bubbles, but you’re never going to be 100% accurate, never ever. You didn’t create this game -- or it, therefore you can’t be anything but a replicator you’re just stuck either limiting your pieces or taking from an entire tub of building material. You aren't playing the book, you're playing the game. That's the real cannon, you literally visually see everything that's going to happen, you can bend it with predictions and logistical math. See XIV, they bend-over concepts of the real and made them fit or pried. I don't just bend lore… I bend it over. Why would there ever be anything that cannot be created? It's just how you interpret it, there are lazy ways to explain things, then there are thorough and detailed methods to get to the same realization of what you want to create that'll work and fit like puzzles to slots this story could’ve foretold. If done correctly more often then not XIV will follow suit in the same thing an expansion later if you stick to your wings, I’ve done it numerous times it feels like XIV has followed copied my test and then tried not to make it look obvious its because stories we’ve brazenly written together in deep-thinking. When my character is tagged IC that's it. Everything he witnesses or sees, I'm not refuting it. That's my chosen though, I see Quicksands and there's no way that place on my Balmung Shard and experiences is it clean, is it lead properly, or the official’s high representatives who totally are just fine with letting a Voidsent blow up the city-state. My character witnessed that, it’s set in stone. Though that's the option and you should always find what makes you comfortable, who makes you comfortable and consider that above all else. Often or not, everyone uses RP as an escape just as they play games. Don't sacrifice, don't lose yourself or not give self-love for what makes you passionate, don’t neglect yourself in taking control of being empowered and attaining friendships, fun, or treating yourself to something new to possibly take something lovely out of finding RP can be and make it all positive for yourself. Myself? I’m inspired by every person new and old who’s been in this game. I love it, do I bleed for it as my canvas? By the Twelve you know it! I’m only ever going to write stories and continue to build and grow, to learn. To do anything to give back. When a passion gives you life, you show that thankfulness by blazing that flame. My last question would be: Is there anything else you wanted to add or say to people? Kuro:  Nope. Rest boils to the decisions you pave yourself and if you want to take the plunge. Just know you're worthy, valid, and this place isn't and never will be one batch or selective, It’s not too late ever there’s no expiration to get into RP, there’s a reason RP last longer than the lifespan of the game’s even when they’ve hit the lowest of lows in dry content, there’s always been unity. If there's one thing this community does well it’s looking after one another.And If they fail to deliver. I know there are people like me who'd rather raise up then pound down.You got this, champs. And that was my interview with Kuro. Looking at his answers, there is a lot that i can agree with. The community of FFXIV is a very great one. If one person is down or needs help, the FFXIV community is the first one to jump up and help with what they can. Hence, its why i made this! To help you, reading this. Just remember, that there are always people out there that are willing to help you. And a person such as Kuro, and of course, myself, will do whatever we can to help those in need. Thank you all so much for the support, and i hope you all have a good day. Also! If you are a RPer, and you would like to be interviewed too, let me know! Send me a message over here on Tumblr, or add me on discord: Masao#2913. And feel free to ask anything related to RP, or even FFXIV. Hope you all are looking forward to the next one~

🐩 for each keeper

//oH BOY this might be a long one

So Niemand is one of the first ‘Keeper’ characters I created and is the one who has changed the least from his original conception. My main inspirations for him and a lot of the Keepers/the overall idea was popular dating sim and anime tropes, and in particular for him I took inspiration from the “yandere” trope, although Niemand technically isn’t one at all. I knew I wanted a cute and overall innocent character with a very dark side, but I also wanted there to be a reason for that dark side beyond it just being there because he loves someone and it needs to be there for the trope, so from the get-go I figured Jemand’s antagonistic and cruel relationship with him would be a more organic drive to bring Niemand to that point.

I could also say some Undertale inspiration helped me come up with him? Because my dream that inspired this whole thing and one of the first things I wrote with Niemand involved him shapeshifting into a rather ugly flower and accidentally scaring a Keeper off.

And I think the whole hedge maze/flower garden thing was probably Alice-in-Wonderland inspired, given that Alice in Wonderland was also inspiration for pretty much a lot of the tone of what I was going for making the Keeper universe.

Jemand is another one of the first characters I had in mind, and again, I already had a pretty basic outline of how his character and Niemand’s were supposed to be. He was supposed to be suave and clever and witty and smug, and Niemand was supposed to be more sheepish and meek by comparison. Though I will say Jemand has gone through a lot more small evolutions than Niemand has over time. He originally bickered with Niemand a lot and was frequently embarrassed by the gardener catching him up on things that he said rather than constantly being on top of things, and he did change to a much more antagonistic, domineering, outright crueler character over time -- I’ve tried to pull that back a bit because there have been times where I’ve worried I’ve made him too evil, but regardless, he’s still a lot nastier now than he was at first.

His main inspirations were, again, popular anime/dating sim tropes, so I wanted to take the trope of the suave idol-like characters who daksldmasl you know the ones you know the ones

The whole black-and-white thing was not necessarily inspired by anything (maybe Alice in Wonderland subconsciously since there’s the whole checkerboard motif he loves) but yeee

TODLICH oh m’boi Todlich, the man, the myth, the meme

The third character I had in mind from the get-go and still the most changed from his original conception that I can think of (besides Schatz but even his character changes weren’t as dramatic)

The tropes and inspirations Todlich pulls from aren’t that difficult to figure out, I’m sure there’s one in every otome game/dating sim where at least one character is an absolute trashfire but they have a route anyway because they’re physically attractive and in the game/anime so they have to come into play somewhere

But originally that’s... all he was, just an evil, killing-for-the-sake-of-killing character with zero actual motivations or story or reasoning behind it, and it made him feel very two-dimensional to me. Characters like that can work, of course, but when they do there’s always at least some story to it and mdlasdm Todd just existing like that with no story and no motivations bothered me

And this overall dissatisfaction with Todlich’s lack of character and lack of story altogether was what led to the Emma plotline, which ended up just ldsakmdl transforming the entire thing and making literally everything more fun to write for me and turned Todlich from one of the characters I disliked writing most to one of my genuine favorites dkmasldmds

(Also I lost most of my icons so I won’t have them all here but)

LAUT

Okie dokie, Laut is definitely an interesting one to talk about. He wasn’t actually a character I had in mind from the very beginning, but I came up with him soon enough after just figuring it would be neat to have an announcer talking over chases and telling everyone what’s going on

His inspirations were bookworm-type characters and socially awkward characters and I originally wanted him to be a more stern, snappy character, like one of the strict intellectual types 

(And the Pringles guy, no kidding, that’s what inspired his monocle)

And he’s more like a geeky high-class dork that just sits there calling everyone a peasant

And now that I think about it he’s changed just about as much as Niemand which means not much at all, I essentially had the idea of a guy with super long purple hair and a monocle sitting in a tower watching everybody but not being able to leave, and slowly suffering from the isolation.

RENEE AND VERGESS

OKAY SO I can’t take all the credit for Renee because a lot about her was suggested to me by another friend of mine, and they definitely contributed a lot to her overall character design (including her signature hat that she wears)

And I think even the spine-ripping she does may have been their idea? It has been a long time since I had this conversation with this friend so I do not know who of us came up with what besides the hat, I remember specifically she came up with the hat idea

I think they might have even picked her name mslkdkmlsak

I mainly wanted her to be a foil for the boys because they were so powerful and the Keepers definitely didn’t seem like they had much helping them at this point, and of course, the Emma plotline gave her having Keeper memories and her place in the game even more poignant

Vergessene’s character was heavily inspired by characters like Eeyore and Sadness from Inside Out, and I added him because I wanted another character to be on the Keeper’s side, but also to add even more tragedy to my big angst bowl because there evidently was not enough in the pot by that point

VERHEILER

The man of FLUFF, the fluffiest man, the most self-indulgent man I ever put into this universe

Fools may have thought I put Todlich and his physical attractiveness in for my own self-indulgence but no, NO, Verheiler was the one who I stuck in solely from what I would want in a weird fantasy world full of bizarre people who may or may not intend to kill me

I wanted a soft, tol man with bunny ears and a minty pretty soft color scheme and floofy hair and a kimono

And I wanted him to make me tea, and have a soft and gentle voice, and to be a complete pacifist, and just be the most wholesome of men

I wanted him to give hugs and lots of cuddles and be really affectionate but also respectful of boundaries if someone asked not to be touched

His inspirations were literally my own self-indulgent stupidity, and ASMR. That was a big inspiration for him, I really wanted him to be a comforting, calming, just genuinely sweet person since the Void had a distinct lack of any of these qualities before he was there.

KNIRSCHEN

Knirschen knocked down two popular tropes in one, the “tsundere” trope and the werewolf trope

He’s cold and grumpy and dismissive to people he likes, but softens up over time, ugh, I love that trope, got a weakness for that trope I have to say

Especially in Knirschen’s way, where the only reason he’s so pushy and determined to shove people away is because he’s scared he’ll transform and be more likely to hurt them if they’re close-by

I also thought, hey, I added a rabbit man, why not add a wolf character

And on that note

Egel/Walter

So since a rabbit man inspired a werewolf man, a werewolf man inspired a vampire man

But of course, this wasn’t the only inspiration for Walter. Vampires are a popular dating sim/romantic novel/generally thirsty-people-aimed media trope, so naturally he had to be in here

Though I wanted to make him also a nice, generally well-meaning character because the vampires I’d seen in some media treated their “love interests” like sacks of meat and I wanted to subvert that and by subvert that I mean yeet that idea out the window, I want a wholesome vampire

So I made a hot-pink haired, generally unintimidating, well-mannered sophisticated boyo who likes candy

But also gave him some depth by making his relentless nightly thirst for blood and monstrous reputation something he actively hates and wants to fight against rather than a part of himself he takes pride in

So he’s struggling with a very terrifying part of himself that he can’t help having, as well as being forced to use that side of himself in a horrific murder-game and even attack Niemand because Jemand’s terrible

Schatz... oh boy, Schatz

What even was the creation of this man? Of course the Void’s designated comic relief would have the most weird creation process and changes

(his inspirations were The Pirates of the Caribbean series and other pirate-like characters and series, and that one vine of the high dude possessed by a demonic spirit asking for a bagel)

First he was a regular pirate man who had a pet mouse because I’d never seen a pirate with a pet mouse before

WAIT character change, he’s a regular normal guy LARPing a pirate and just pretending all the time because he likes it

WAIT THERE’S MORE, he talks to his mouse and acts like he can have conversations with it and confuses everyone even more

WAIT, he hallucinates the mouse talking back

NO WAIT, the mouse is magical in nature and literally does communicate with him telepathically

HOLD ON the mouse is a demon now

AND the mouse can shapeshift and eat bathtubs and steal things for him

And the mouse... worships... Satan

okay, that’s enough, we’re done . . .. .

-- AND Schatz only LARPs as a pirate as a form of escapism because the Void is a ball of angst and Catnip is slowly but surely absorbing more power from all the suffering everyone is enduring and one day--

Kanonier

Oh boyo, dis guy

The man who literally exists just to have a butt bigger than Jemand’s and muscles slightly larger than Todd’s

no that’s not why he exists of course not but

I mainly just always wanted a rival character for Schatz after he showed up because dlsakdmslkd gosh we already have a pirate man who’s trying so hard to be a pirate, there has to be someone on the other end of the spectrum

(Apparently there is a spectrum ranging from Cowboy to Pirate)

Of course Toy Story is kind of an inspiration, but honestly, I kid ya not, Old Town Road was a big part in forming this guy’s character and you can decide how cursed that is.

Begleiter

Now, some of the inspiration around here gets a little more personal and deep to me.

This guy had a variety of inspirations, either drawing from things as bizarre as Dora the Explorer and those awkward creepy moments of her staring, to Daniella in Haunting Ground and her robot-like behavior -- to an app I had called W.oebot which was essentially made to help cope with mental health problems but always had me internally struggling. I knew this app was meant to help me, but I always felt this deeper sadness that the “person” I was talking to was just a pre-programmed app sending automatic messages in response to specific words, rather than a person genuinely listening and caring about what I was saying

(not judging anyone who would use this app and is helped by it, of course, just speaking of my own experiences and how I felt)

The human element wasn’t there and it could be deeply felt to me, and it inspired a lot about Begleiter and his own personality, especially in his past relationship or lack thereof with Emma, whose thoughts and emotions toward her and others could only be felt after he got his “upgrade” and a more humanoid body.

Serpentin

OOOOH Serpentin

His main inspirations were cryptids, body horror, a smol genuinely hilarious video of a cryptid-like man slowly creeping toward this dude in his garage, a game called “IT LIES” about a monster using yours and other people’s voices to lure it to you like prey, and Spongebob

........... a big helping of Spongebob

Subversion of a trope was another thing I was going for here, I wanted a genuinely creepy, terrifying looking character who based on appearances seemed like someone you’d want to hide in a closet from and cry over

But turns out this terrifying thing you just saw just saw you drop a penny and didn’t want you to lose it, so he came to return it to you, please don’t be sad

Clara Wilson

Clara is the... least fleshed-out character that I have, and I feel like that’s understandable, given that her own inspiration was from classic otome game/romance novel/dating sim characters, whose personalities and decisions and moral standings are usually given to them by the player rather than their own will

(Or, if they’re in a TV show or something, their personalities are kind of blank so that people can insert themselves more easily to the situation)

Her personality switches depending on the route she’s on, much like a protagonist in a dating simulator’s might. I’m still glad I added her on here, but XD I’d be lying if I said there was all that much to her, she’s just kind of a character that exists and has her personality filled out depending on who she’s interacting with, kind of like a character with literally dozens of AUs

Tag Game: Authors

Tagged by: @livrever

Author name: I make life easy for everyone. I’m LycoRogue just about everywhere.

Fandoms I write for: I mostly write for Miraculous Ladybug, starting in the fandom late 2017. In the past (about 2010-2013), I was almost exclusively writing for the “Hey, Arnold!” fandom. While not as many, I’ve also started up some Fruits Basket stories once the reboot began airing last year. Beyond those normal fandoms, I’ve also thrown in random fics for any old thing that has caught my attention: a couple of stories for the Enderverse series, a random story based on a song about zombies, a one-shot teaser about a Cirque du Soleil show, and oddly only one Legend of Zelda story even though that’s probably my favorite fandom outside of ML. I’ve also had some “fanfics” that were MOSTLY original works based vaguely in the worlds of pre-established properties, such as backstories and side stories for my D&D characters, a short-lived attempt to recap the World of Darkness - Vampire: The Masquerade LARP I was in, and stories for the original characters I created for an X-Men play-by-post. The PbP, called X-Future, was a game where all of the playable characters were OCs that only occasionally interact with canon Marvel characters.

Where I post: You can find my works here on Tumblr (tag #LycoRogue Fanfic), over on AO3, on FFN, and - if you’re desperate - I still post to DA.

Most popular one-shot: Based only on AO3′s stats, it would be my Lukanette birthday gift for @thetauruspixie: I Was Thinking of You  (As of 3/6/20: it has 1773 hits and 208 kudos)

OK, this became long because that’s just who I am... 9_9 So... if you want to know more about me, check below the break. ^_^

Favorite story I wrote: I have a multi-chapter story and a one-shot. Both are for ML. The multi-chapter story is Peeping Tomcat, and it is my magnum opus! It started off as one of the first-ever fanfics I wrote for the fandom, and then I realized it had LOADS more story to tell. It is the first multi-chapter story I’ve completed, despite starting and abandoning about a half-dozen before it. This is my baby! The story is about Chat Noir checking in on Marinette once when he thought she was in danger, and then got addicted to innocently spying on her in her bedroom in order to learn more about her while she’s relaxed and most “herself”. I have a sequel that has been in the works for nearly 2yrs now. Yes, I AM still working on the sequel One and the Same, in case any of my readers were nervous about that....

The one-shot is Build Your Own Luck which is a headcanon story about where I believe that lucky charm bracelet Marinette gave Adrien originally came from. It’s a sweet family-bonding story that I loved so much that I’m tying it into my Peeping Tomcat canon. The story behind The BraceletTM will appear in One and the Same.

I also really love one of those “mostly original” stories for X-Future. It was a story originally written by @cyhyr‘s spouse, but when I corrected him on how my character Willow would have truly acted in that situation we decided to make it a collab story. Then it became monstrous, and I think I overwhelmed him. So it’s kind of been in limbo for a few years, but I periodically go back to that project every couple of months, really wanting to get it back down to a manuscript he can manage so we can complete it. For anyone interested, the as-of-now-unofficially-abandoned story is Please, Let Me Explain. In the roleplay, his character Devon left the Xavier Institute to find out more about the parents that abandoned him as an infant. About 1/2hr later, the school gets destroyed in an attack, and the surviving students and faculty believe Devon had something to do with it. Two years later, Devon returns to the school, surprised to find out there were any survivors after spending the last 20 months or so “avenging” all of the students’ deaths. My character Willow is pissed at Devon. He wants to prove his innocence to her. Things are complicated....

Story I was nervous to post: I mean, I’m always nervous to put my heart and soul out there; screaming into the void. Especially when I write things that are more original-leaning. Or when I’m writing gifts for people, especially for those fandom exchanges. Those are terrifying because you know virtually nothing about the person you’re writing for, so you don’t truly know if they’ll like it. I still have a couple of stories that resulted in complete radio-silence from the receiver. 

The one I was MOST nervous about though? Probably one I’m still nervous about sharing here. It’s my first-ever published smut for a fandom I didn’t even know existed until last summer and has seemingly died off since the book series completed back in like 2012. My story is called Sparks for the Moment and is for the story Bitterblue within the Seven Kingdoms Trilogy (also known as the Graceling Series). It’s a bittersweet sex scene that takes place between canonical scenes at the end of the story, so beware spoilers.

How do I choose titles:  Oh lord, how DO I choose titles!? It’s usually a truly grueling process because I try to stick to 4 rules of thumb:  1. Something that is significant to the story, be it an item or a phrase or a theme, etc. 2. Something that gives you an idea of the feel of the story based on the title (I have no clue if I ever succeeded on this) 3. Something easy to remember; generally less than 5 words long. 4. A title that isn’t already being used by another author (this makes things REAL tricky)

Do you outline? Ummmmm.... Once upon a time? No. I was a full-on pantser. Then, more-or-less when I was working on Peeping Tomcat I became more of a plantser. I now have a skeleton of what I want to write, and try to get as much figured out as I can, only for the characters to go “HAHAHA. Nope.” and then I just kinda follow them.

Complete: 35

Cirque du Soleil (1) Dungeons & Dragons (Roleplaying Game) (2) Enderverse (2) Fruits Basket (4) Hey Arnold! (7) Re: Your Brains - Jonathan Coulton (Song) (1) The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild (1) Miraculous Ladybug (16) Seven Kingdoms Trilogy - Kristin Cashore (1)

Incomplete (I added this one for ReasonsTM): 

Pseudo LoZ and Fable crossover original hybrid thing (1) Hey Arnold! (1) World of Darkness - Vampire: The Masquerade (1)

In progress: After unofficially abandoning so many stories, I’ve stopped publishing any until the whole story is written and just needs one last polish. That was how I managed to get Peeping Tomcat done. That said, I have a couple of irons in the fire.

Main WIP: One and the Same Current WIP: Love Square Fluff Week 2020 (an exception to the “wait til it’s all written rule) Random On-going WIP: I Don’t Care (I never intended this to be an on-going story, but there you have it) “Backburner” WIPs:  > What Is Truly Meant To Be (A HA! story I unintentionally abandoned in 2013)  > X-Future: The Second Generation Begins (My recapping of the X-Future game)  > X-Future Snippets (Random one-shot stories in the X-Future universe)  > Please, Let Me Explain (The aforementioned X-Future collab)

Plunnies:   > When Love Matters (a retelling of the ML series if Gabriel actually was a loving father)  > A collab with @thetauruspixie to write a Fu-centric story telling of his travels through Europe with the Miracle Box and his love affair with Marianne

Do you take prompts? I’ll be honest, I struggle a touch with prompts, but I like challenging myself. One of the reasons I’m doing the gift exchanges. So, if you have a prompt idea, I’d love to hear it. See if it inspires me. :D

Upcoming project I’m most excited about: When Love Matters. I wanted to work on that between breaks, while I had time to backtrack before more episodes aired. Considering how long OatS is taking though, I might not get to start his project until about the time S4 starts. 9_9

Tagging but you are under no obligations to participate: @thetauruspixie, @cyhyr, @chibisunnie, @rikareena, @coffeecomicsgalore, @chanceuseladynoire, @zenmisery, @i-am-the-niece-of-satan (I know some of you are socially anxious, so again, you are under NO OBLIGATION to participate. I just figured people might be interested in knowing more about you)

Also, if you write and want to answer, assume I’m tagging you as well. I’d love to know more about your writing.

Talks Machina Highlights - Critical Role C2E50 (Feb. 5, 2019)

Are any of us ever, really, on the internet?

This week’s guests are Taliesin Jaffe and Matt Mercer!

Brian shames Taliesin and Matt for (to be fair, accidentally) pouring coke in with their 22-year-old scotch. I am also physically pained by this. I may need a minute to compose myself. (@loquaciousquark: “I like how you’re Brian in this and I’m Matt.”)

Announcements: MAME drop airs three hours before Talks every week! Next week’s Between the Sheets will feature Will Friedle, and last night’s episode featured Quyen Tran! Critical Role will be taking this coming Thursday off, and Talks Machina will be taking next Tuesday off, but the show returns on Valentine’s Day!

But for now, let’s jump into Episode 50: The Endless Burrows

Stats for this week’s ep: Fjord got the 50th HDYWTDT in the 50th episode! The Roper’s crit on Caleb would have one-shotted him had Caduceus not reduced it by negating the crit. Spurt is the first on-screen guest player character death in the history of the show. Chris Perkins was at the table for 22 minutes and 15 seconds. Taliesin: “That’s an episode of network television right there.”

Chris was in town unexpectedly, and asked if he could come watch the show. Matt had written Spurt as an NPC character, just to see how the M9 would react to him. As he was driving to the studio, he realized it could be a lot of fun to let Chris play the character instead. Chris was on board, and Matt told him “You’ll know when to jump in,” and that was that. Nobody else had any idea he was going to be playing.

Caduceus is “in his element but out of his element” underground. “He’s looking for things to be excited about. Not a lot of things to be excited about here. It’s kind of awful.” Taliesin is trying to let him be a little more tactical, to just take care of things and do what needs to be done. “He’s on edge, but it’s a healthy edge.”

Matt clarifies that the party haven’t really emerged into the Underdark---they’re just skimming the edges of it. After spending a lot of time there in the last campaign, Matt didn’t necessarily want to bring it back there again.

Caduceus doesn’t see the group as being deceitful so much as just people who haven’t had the option of being open before. “He’s trying to make that option available.” Part of his training at the temple involved talking to people, helping them feel better, and helping them open up, so this is nothing new to him. Matt: “The solitary therapist.” Taliesin: “He really, really likes them.”

Spurt was originally intended to be a potential hindrance to keep the group from getting past the fire giants stealthily, if he wound up coming along with them. Turned out he... sort of removed himself from that equation.

On the parade of tragic backstories: “I don’t think Clay fully comprehends how bad this all is. I don’t know if he can comprehend art film horror. ‘That’s rough, man.’“ Matt: “He’s the Fred Tatasciore of the group.” Everyone is delighted by that comparison.

Matt was looking for opportunities to bring tragic backstories together. Taliesin calls it a “car crash” approach.

Why are D&D characters often so tragic? Taliesin: “It’s harder to make an interesting happy person.” Matt: “That’s true, but it’s not impossible.” He talks about how it’s natural to try to build something into a character’s backstory to propel them into the dangers of adventure. It’s also the opportunity for a player to work through something they’re going through out-of-game in a safe, cathartic way.

Caduceus is “still a little lanky”. Taliesin points out that this is to be expected because he’s a “vegan on the road”. There’s a long discussion about how the food he makes is “basically semi-firm tofu”.

Matt freaks out a bit about the unintentional callback... VM also being a mid-level party descending into the Underdark in search of a halfling and almost losing a rogue’s foot to lava. A lot of things had to go a particular way for that to happen, and he definitely wasn’t expecting it, especially since he was consciously trying to avoid familiar territory with the Underdark this time around.

Brian: “Which is funny, because the writers never even saw the first campaign.”

Taliesin points out that a trickster cleric is meant to be more of a toolkit, whereas a grave cleric build is more of a medkit.

Taliesin: “I’ve learned my lesson, and I have like three new character ideas ready to go, for this campaign or the next.”

There’s a lot of debate about where the hell Spurt got a skunk, which leads to the creation of the magical item Skunk Jug, which produces a skunk.

Caduceus enjoyed the romance novel, but it hadn’t “entirely clicked”. “He’s aware that: ‘Ah, they’re doing the hanky-panky stuff.’ It’s not really in his wheelhouse.”

Matt was very proud of the group coming up with their plan to get past the giant, and he felt a bit bad that Nott rolled so low (although he also loves the “magnificent clusterfuck” moments that are the hallmark of D&D). Brian: “That’s just a testament to how bad Sam is as a player.” 

Caduceus took Warcaster as his next feat. “This seems to be in-character and useful.”

Fan art of the week: Nott running across the lava! Taliesin: “I want to play that game. That’s an 8-bit game I want to play.”

Brian asks Matt if the game’s about where he thought it would be at episode 50. Matt: “We’re charging into Xhorhas earlier than I was expecting. We need to get Ashley back soon.” (They’ll get her back in a couple months.) He also points out that some story beats have happened in the world in the group’s absence. He didn’t want to tailor the story’s trajectory to manufacture a big moment in episode 50. The group’s involvement in the Empire has been less than expected, but the direction they’re taking is much more direct than he was expecting. Taliesin points out that if the group had been Vox Machina, they would’ve involved themselves in the politics of the war instantly. Matt reiterates that he loves DMing in a reactionary way when the players push in an unexpected direction.

All Taliesin wants to do right now is fix that sword. He’s expecting it to be, like, a +1 cursed sword that just sings constantly and can’t ever be put down.

Taliesin: “I’m enjoying corralling all the kids.” Matt points out that he’s a much-needed influence on the group. Beau is the one that Cad considers to be his best friend. Dani: “You two can’t not be best friends in this show.” Cad thinks of Fjord as an angsty teen. He thinks Caleb is occasionally up his own butt a bit. He hasn’t figured out that Jester’s an adult yet. “’Oh, she’s happy and fine. Thank goodness someone is.’ And obviously she’s not, but he hasn’t figured that out yet.” He’s disappointed in Nott for the amount of drinking, although he hasn’t said it out loud.

Taliesin: “Cad thinks dangerous things have wisdom. Sometimes just walking up to something and asking is very useful. Sometimes you can avoid getting arrested in front of a coffee shop by offering the officer a hot pocket.”

Matt talks about how getting players to avoid combat is a teaching process that involves incentivizing out-of-the-box approaches. That’s in direct contrast to the more traditional grind-through-fights approach to D&D that was prevalent in the early editions, so it can be a process. He points out that you can talk to players out-of-game, or you can change your own plans to allow players a non-combat win even if it’s a bit of a stretch.

Taliesin and Matt both own a pair of chaps. As you do.

Taliesin’s personal inspiration for Cad’s staff was very Dark Crystal-driven. The crystal comes from the land he lives on. He dug up the crystal and made the staff himself; the beetles crawl into and out of the stick continuously.

Talks Machina: After Dog

Brian: "Are you relaxed right now?” Taliesin: “Yeah, there’s something in this Coke that’s really...”

Taliesin got started with eyeliner in high school with Vampire LARPing. He had a (mumblemumble)”furk idee” that got him into goth clubs early. Matt first learned to apply eyeliner for cosplay, then wore it for the first time outside of cosplay clubbing with Taliesin (they also had an industrial goth karaoke night).

Dumbest way they’ve managed to injure themselves? Matt was editing There Will Be Brawl’s final episode, which was a bit too overambitious and he was the only editor, and he didn’t sleep for 72 hours and threw his back out horribly from sitting too long. Taliesin was doing a student film as a teenager, and was asked to do a stunt that involved holding someone up to a moving train (Matt: “What the fuck, Taliesin?”). He had really long goth nails at the time and managed to break all ten of his nails off entirely doing that stunt. “I didn’t drop him into the moving train!” Matt: “That’s why unions are good.”

Brian: “I lit myself on fire with a molotov cocktail.” Yes, really, but he wasn’t badly burned. Taliesin: “Did you at least hit the man? Did it stick to him?” Brian: “It was not a man. It was a porta-potty.” Matt reiterates how grateful he was not to have grown up with cellphone video.

Matt: “So you’re saying...” Taliesin: “I was Emperor Norton, yeah.” Matt: “Aw. I’m proud of you!”

We all learned... a lot today. See you in two weeks for episode 100 of Talks Machina!

Carlisle wouldn’t want to be human

This really goes for most of the Cullens, Rosalie excepted (I think Edward would last one day without his telepathy and superpowers before this happened (well honestly I think his denial would keep him from ever admitting this but this isn’t an Edward post so we’re cutting this thought short right now before it spirals)), but I see both Edward and general fandom just sort of take it for granted that if anyone offered Carlisle a miraculous human again pill (and I’m just picturing that as some hokey pill being sold on ad TV) he’d praise Jesus and swallow that down immediately, and I’ve to see anybody argue with that so here I go.

First of, if Carlisle were to suddenly find himself human again I have every belief that Aro would materialize and go, “My dear Carlisle has been made a human? How tragic! Never fear, old friend, I’ll fix that for you. Om nom nom.” and then Carlisle would not be human. And I’m only half joking when I say that, because Carlisle has a lot of friends, and while his animal diet is all well and good, if he were to actually do something like this they’d be very sad his human obsession has gone too far and stage an intervention. “We’re doing this because we love you, Carlisle. Now please try not to be too delicious. Om nom nom.” And then we’re back to Carlisle being a vampire again, though with slightly longer hair this time.

More seriously, if Carlisle was offered this miracle pill, then as a doctor he’d probably be less than enthused about it. He was there to see what happened to the Native Americans when the Europeans came carrying brand new disease, and after viruses and bacteria have had 350 years and a globalized planet to evolve, our seventeenth century priest is going to be in trouble. He’s unvaccinated to boot. He also has a completely different intestinal bacterial flora than modern humans do, which I imagine would not be fun for his digestion. This guy would be a sickly, constipated mess.

As for the main reason - why would Carlisle ever want to be human?

Before he’d mastered his thirst, then he’d probably feel obligated to. For as long as he hadn’t mastered it there was always the risk of him losing control and killing somebody. In his early days he certainly would have jumped on the chance. But none of this is a problem anymore.

So, to take the reasons why he wouldn’t say yes in the present day - first of, why would he not want to be a vampire? He is past worrying about his thirst. His vampirism is at this point purely an asset to him. It makes him great at his job. All his friends and family are vampires. If he were to become human again, he’d not just suddenly suck at his job (as I imagine he has incorporated his super senses into his work to the point where he would pretty much have to learn everything anew if he still wanted to be a doctor), his brain would be slow and limited, and he could never see his cherished friends, people he has known for centuries, again. He’d have to start over with another fake identity in a new place, and sure, this time he could stay until he died of old age, but he’d still be lying to everybody he met about his identity. Carlisle is very much a social butterfly, and he’d be unable to form meaningful friendships when he could never get truly personal with anybody.

In other words, Carlisle would be signing himself up for a lonely life of being average if not bad at his work. And his work is incredibly important to him.

Then there’s the fact that as a doctor, modern viruses aside, when it comes to health problems Carlisle has seen it all. He would know better than everybody that even if the modern viruses don’t make him a sickly mess, even if he doesn’t join the statistics of people who die in tragic accidents, he could still get a brain aneurism at the age of 24 and his human LARP is over. And who knows, maybe he had some nasty disease lurking in his DNA just waiting to ruin his life had he lived long enough, such as ALS. But assuming that Carlisle says “I’LL RISK IT”, even if he makes it to an older age, aging is no joke. Dementia, gout, incontinence, the general and inevitable decline of his body - this is the looming shadow hanging over all our heads. For an immortal who has seen countless humans succumb to it, why choose this?

And for what?

So he could have kids of his own, presumably with Esme?

He has a whole family. Rosalie and Edward especially are his children. Just, this guy loves his whole family so much, I can’t imagine he’d throw them aside in favor of some faceless toddler concept. I also don’t think he’d even want kids of his own, but I think that’s for another post. And also mostly a vibe.

So he could grow old with Esme?

Again - why? She’d be just as much an outcast as he, and face all the same health risks (except I suppose for the modern viruses, she hasn’t been dead for that long). I can’t imagine he’d want to sit idly by and watch her either die ahead of schedule, or live long enough to become unable to care for herself.

Then there’s the fact that at most he’d have six or seven decades. To him, that’s just the blink of an eye. And, again, a very unpleasant blink where he loses everything, is less intelligent, and slowly dies.

Lastly there’s the fact that the human he was is dead, his time has passed. Carlisle doesn’t belong in the human world any longer. He interacts with it because helping humans gives him joy and meaning in life, but he’s a man out of his time and this brave new world is not the one he once lived in. He would not in any way belong, and I think he knows that quite well.

Just, the whole idea that Carlisle would want this is founded on Carlisle having some sort of innate worship of humans where being human is inherently better. I’m sorry, but that’s Edward. If Carlisle felt this way, he wouldn’t be turning others into vampires, and he wouldn’t have vampire friends all over the globe. To him, thirst isn’t a problem, and his vampirism means he can save more humans than he otherwise would. The remaining concern would be God, but Carlisle’s life philosophy is that being a vampire is not by itself a sin, so he’s fine in that regard too.

In summation, I think Carlisle is quite happy being a vampire, and wouldn’t have it any other way.