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tadpal · 3 years

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15 Questions To Get To Know Me Better

tagged by @gayrightspippin !! thank you!! im tagging @silvermagpies @panpervinca @jaybirdsdelight but no pressure to take part!!

1. What Is Your Favourite Food/Beverage?

i like strawberries and mangos best! but the weather is turning so it's the time of year that i start to fixate on cherry pies and strawberry milkshakes (the cold is best in the autumn humidity)

2. What is your favourite fandom [currently]?

i've had a slight star trek resurgence, but mainly i've fallen out of fandom. i've been devouring poetry like there's not enough time, so most of my energy and thoughts are going into researching analysis and planning illustrations (that i'll likely never get to). my favourite fandom of all time is lotr. hell will freeze over before pippin leaves my heart

3. What shows are you watching [currently]?

not watching anything currently! recreationally flicking through psych and black sails, but at the moment no characters or plots are really gripping me. psych is great tho! feel like coming home

4. What’s your strength?

pattern recognition and detail orientated! i'm fairly good at figuring out how people want to loved and loving them in those ways and i put a lot of care into the little things in my relationships

5. What’s your weakness?

pattern recognition and detail orientated :( i notice little changes in people's behaviours very easily and have a long history of Bad Times so it's difficult not see patterns of behaviour and warning signs even when there aren't any. i put too much stock into little gestures towards me that the other person didn't even think about and become hugely upset about tiny details because i think they mean more than they do

6. Pet peeves?

leaving the kettle empty after using it

7. What’s your ideal type?

of person? im looking for dependability and gentleness. i don't want someone to look after me, bc i've tried that and it takes away so much of your independence and agency when a partner decides you're unwell and need them, but i want someone who will choose me, and who will choose me time and again, and who will won't need me to be a part of their life but will want me there all the same who will include me in their life, not bc they feel they ought to or bc they're worried for me, but bc they want me there in whatever state i come in. i want to feel like i know i have a place to come home to where i can always expect kindness. other traits like being able to make me laugh and being willing to argue just for the fun if it and having their own life separate to ours together would be nice too.

8. The last food you ate?

olive sourdough with a dipping sauce made from crushed garlic, red chili flakes, parmesan, balsamic vinegar and olive oil. ate along side of a salad with tomatoes, capers, red onion, and olives. it's been so muggy i just want to cool easy foods

9. Favourite animes?

don't watch anime :(

10. Regular pastimes/Hobbies?

i've been reading more and more lately! lots of poetry, but nothing super hard to access or out of the ordinary. been demolishing myself with Siken's crush - namely A Primer for the Small Weird Loves, which is getting to me for smaller less important associations such as: i have been almost drowned by a boy i had a crush on. but otherwise im working through the collected works of lousie glück which isn't any less emotive, just different.

11. Favourite characters?

pippin! spock! data! those are my three boys

12. All-time favourite show?

star trek, but which series depends on the day. right now im tempted to say discovery bc having a mc use they/them means too much to me right now. also micheal and leather spock. my beloveds

13. What are you doing right now?

sat in a park!

14. How are you?

tense! there's a lot going on with me but it pretty much boils to that

15. Favourite rest-time activities?

i'm working my way through a bunch of media that i missed as a kid bc of my upbringing! lots of barbie movies and studio ghibli atm

#long post #about me #tag game #thanks for the tag! sorry it took me some time to get to it i keep forggeting about things #but here is information about me

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studying-politics · 3 years

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2021 Book Club by @studylikegeller

February - Week 3

What are you currently reading? Why did you choose to read this? I am currently finishing up on Lousie Glück’s poetry “Faithful and Virtuous Night” and starting already Hermann Hesse’s Steppenwolf. I chose Glück because I love her and her poetry and reading poetry comes easier to me during university. Also she fitted this month’s discord bookclub theme! Hesse actually fits as well but I started him because I need to read him for my work.

Do you always finish the book, even if you do not like it? No. I very, very rarely do not finish books purposefully (I may not get around finishing them very often though), but if I really don’t like it, I won’t.

#2021bookclub #2021readingchallenge #books #bookblr #mine

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reality-fkn-sux · 3 years

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The people we love / loved the most hurt us the most.

They are happy even though they treated us with contempt, humiliation and meanness.

They destroy us & take away our will to live.

They are lousy & ungrateful traitors who feel no remorse or guilt.

Is that fair?

No,it is not.

Happiness is unjustly distributed and it is mostly given to the wrong people.

Die Menschen die wir am meisten lieben/ liebten, verletzen uns am meisten.

Sie sind glücklich, obwohl sie uns verachtend, erniedrigend & gemein behandelt haben.

Sie machen uns kaputt & nehmen uns den Lebenswillen.

Sie sind miese & undankbare Verräter, die keine Reue oder Schuld fühlen.

Ist das etwa fair?

Nein, ist es nicht.

Glück ist ungerecht verteilt, meistens bekommen es die falschen Personen.

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nordfjording · 4 years

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anyway idk who couldve possibly missed this but lousie glück just won the nobel prize in literature and that brings me joy

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softlyfiercely · 4 years

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lover, euphoria, effervencence

lover: what’s your favourite song?

Oh man, that is a HARD one. What does “favorite” mean? Like, a song I could listen to over and over and over? Or a song that is super meaningful to me?

A song that I have held onto for more than a decade is “Romans 10:9″ by The Mountain Goats. It’s about mental illness and recovery and all the little things you do to get through the day, and all the little things you tell yourself to get through the next day, and so on. I’ve considered getting a tattoo based on that song for a while now. It’s sort of my “life song” in the concept of a “life verse.”

Songs that I just fuckin love to listen to and belt out include, but are not limited to, “O Bla Di O Bla Da” by The Beatles, “The Pros and Cons of Breathing” by Fall Out Boy, and “O Praise Him” by David Crowder Band.

euphoria: who’s someone who you think will be in your life forever?

This question is frankly terrifying because someone who would have been an easy answer to this question four months ago is suddenly...not. I want to say “everyone currently in my life right now” but that’s the Unhealthy Six in me talking. In the end all I have is me, but I live my life in a way that attempts to obliterate that fact.

effervescence: do you have a favourite poem / poet?

Yes! My favorite poem is “Stars” by Lousie Glück, and it’s where my blog name and title come from. It’s up there with Romans 10:9 in the Holy Texts Of Lily. Again, it’s about honestly facing the reality of your own pain and illness in a way that challenges but doesn’t deny it. Both begin with images of sleeplessness and I have dealt with serious insomnia my whole life, and both strike a balance of resigned-hopeful that I find really powerful. My old therapist used to say “you can be mad about the fact that you have to do the work, but you still need to do the work.”

Close runners-up would include Michael Brennan’s chapbook The Imageless World and Everybody Needs A Rock by Byrd Baylor.

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hanhan156 · 5 years

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Revelations

The fic number 4 for my Stadium Tour series!

I got tired of writing short stories so instead, I wanted to write something longer and continue with the Stadium Tour series.

I tried something new in my writing and had these poems stuck in my head so I couldn't resist using them.

Chapter 1: Prelude

~***~

My weakness, my fragility,

My dream, my passion,

My lust for life, the reason for walking on this Earth.

You are my everything.

~***~

The chirring of crickets and the screams of psychedelic colored paradise birds were deafening as he tried his best to proceed in the lush jungle. He was swearing at himself - why he had chosen to wear these unpractical, tight clothes again and why on earth he hadn’t taken a machete with him? Even his dreams were referring to his fashion sense and a lack of preparation for harsh conditions. Richard was still determined: in his heart, he knew that he had to continue, at any costs, even though he wasn’t sure why he was here.

His attention was caught by a movement - an animal? No, it couldn’t be: he heard laughter so it had to be actually someone. Adrenaline rushed in his veins - he couldn’t even believe how fast he was able to run in the difficult conditions with the aid of the hormone.

“Wait!” he shouted when he got a glimpse of a silhouette vaguely, but the figure was still too far. He took a sprint - he couldn’t afford to lose him now when he was so close.

After wading his way through the bushes, Richard had scratches and bruises everywhere. He wondered did he got bitten by a snake as well while his left foot was swollen, but now it didn’t matter - he had something more important to think about.

The jungle ended to a cave and on the entrance of it was the figure he’d been chasing.

Of course, it was him.

“Paul, thank God you are here. What is this all about? What the hell is this lousy place anyway, let’s get out of here.”

The other man smirked but didn’t reply anything - he seemed like he had lost his ability to speak. Instead, he made his way to the cave.

Richard grabbed his fellow guitarist from his arm, refusing to lose him now when he was so close. “Paul, for Christ’s sake, give me answers!”

But Paul shook himself out of the grip and then he was gone - vanished like in thin air. Not a single word, or any kind of hint he had even noticed that Richard had been talking to him.

“Answers, I need answers…” Richard kept repeating. He didn’t even know what answers he wanted - it was like a fixation in his head. “I need answers…and I need you…”

The first dream ended, and it was followed by a brief pause - like a commercial break of his subconscious mind.

Now he was in another setting. Once again, he didn’t have any clue what place it was exactly, but it sure was pleasant with all the palm trees on a long white beach and sun shining brightly. He knew he was looking for something, but he couldn’t put his finger on, what or who - the memories from the last dream had vanished with the commercial break.

But he didn’t have to ponder that for very long when something caught his interest.

When Richard came closer, he saw it more clearly what was it about: Paul was there with a company of a lot of men and to Richard’s horror, they were way younger - and in his opinion, way better looking - than him. He couldn’t help it but think that what kind of orgy was this.

“What’s going on in here?” he asked and didn’t want to admit the twitch of jealousy in his belly.

“Well, I’m just enjoying my life the fullest.” At least in this dream, Paul seemed to able to speak.

“That sure looks nice,” Richard said and looked around, “can I join you?”

Paul glanced at the other man with narrow eyes. “No, this is my life now, you get your own,” he burst out and laughed, with unusual cruelty. “You really fucking think I’d want to spend my precious life with you? Oh, Kruspe, how naïve you really are...”

Richard blinked his eyes. “B-but we have known for ages… I-I thought we were friends…”

“In that case, I suggest you think again, you lousy example of a human being.” Paul came closer and hissed: “You repulse me… get out of my life. I don’t need you. In fact, my life is much better without you. Our friendship was the biggest mistake I ever made.”

Richard couldn’t believe what he heard. “W-what about all those moments we spent together? The time we…we…kissed?”

“Don’t you even dare to remind me of that disgusting event.” Paul turned his back, leaving Richard sobbing alone at the paradise beach. ”You can still keep dreaming on, I don’t really care!” he shouted the one last time before he was gone.

“Don’t leave me like this…” Richard sobbed, but nobody could hear him. “I…love you.”

The torment ended when Richard woke up to his own screaming - he thanked God that he was alone. Panting heavily on the edge of a panic attack he sat up and threw the sweaty bedsheets away. It was annoying to admit that the nightmares were back but this time, they weren’t about the tour stress - it was something more complicated.

Always when he tried to bury something unpleasant to his subconscious mind, it kept coming back whatever he tried to do.

~***~

Oh how desperately I beg you,

To answer my call,

In the void of the darkest hour.

~***~

“Prost!” the six men yelled cheerfully, taking their tradition tequilas to soothe the nervousness of the upcoming concert. Sharing shots together was supposed to bring good luck - but as the legend told the luck was involved only if you remembered to look at each of your drinking buddies straight in the eyes.

But the one particular pair of eyes Richard desperately wanted to have contact with, ignored him.

“Okay, gotta keep going, we have a show to play,” Paul said and left the room in a hurry. Richard was sure that his friend suddenly turned busy on purpose because he was there.

It had become too familiar: all he had seen from Paul during recent weeks was his back, always heading somewhere.

Somewhere, where Richard wasn’t.

After all, it seemed that the stadium tour - with all its hardships and countless hours of groundwork, arguments and sleepless nights - had started out as a success. Even though performing was Richard’s natural element and he had been waiting for this eagerly, now all the fame and attention felt nonchalant - something was bothering him constantly, like an itch you couldn’t get rid of no matter how hard you tried.

That something was that they hadn’t had proper communication with Paul after that one faithful night - it was already several weeks ago. Richard didn’t even dare to recall how many weeks really.

They both seemed to become masters of excuses: either they were too tired, too busy or something interrupted them when things could have had a chance to get too deep. And what was the worst, was that how evidently Paul avoided him.

I can’t keep going on like this.

Blinking back upcoming tears Richard suddenly realized that he was the only one in the room. Why hadn’t they say anything? Maybe they had, but he had been so deeply in his own thoughts that he hadn’t noticed anything.

For fuck’s sake, try to concentrate now. You have a job to do.

Forcing himself to act, Richard walked to the backstage, grabbing his instrument on the way. His bandmates were already doing their pre-concert rituals when he arrived. Till was opening his voice, isolated in the darkest corner possible. It made him lose his focus if somebody stared at his awkward humming and stretching. For everyone’s relief, Flake had finished his walk already and was for once ready on time. Usually, he tended to take a stroll just in the last minute, losing the sense of time and leading him to arrive late back to the venue - it wasn’t once or twice when the keyboardist had gotten scolding from the others. Even though how modest man Flake was, he was irreplaceable - Du hast or Sehnsucht without keyboard effects would be a disaster. Schneider was doing push-ups - he claimed that exercising helped to handle the physical symptoms of stress. Oliver seemed to be deeply in his own thoughts in a yoga pose, being the calmest of them while Paul was simply being himself, sitting on the floor and smiling - he didn’t have any specific rituals. Richard did the usual: fiddling the fretboard, repeating over and over the riffs he could play even in his dreams. Still, he had all kinds of horror scenarios in his head from a broken string to a guitar being in wrong tuning.

The nerve-wracking waiting seemed to last forever and forever but when Duo Jatekok had hit its last melodies, the roaring audience was desperately waiting to see the reason they had come to the stadium in the first place.

Till appeared from his isolation back with the others. “Okay guys, this is it then.” They formed a circle together and held hands. “Let’s hope the muse is with us tonight and let’s kick some ass - let’s show them something they’ve never seen before. And most importantly, we’ll stick together and support each other, whatever happens there.

Amen.”

“Amen,” they all replied. The atmosphere was ardent - music was indeed like a religion for them.

They placed themselves on the line which had been rehearsed probably a thousand times already. The opening was supposed to be a dramatic introduction of the band, Schneider going there first to pierce the souls of the audience with his mesmerizing bass drum.

While Richard stood right behind their drummer, breathing shallowly, out of nowhere he felt a hand squeezing his shoulder gently. “Vielen Glück.”

When he turned, he startled when he saw who it was. “Good luck to you too…Paul,” Richard replied with a slightly trembling voice and hoped it wasn’t too noticeable.

“Let’s have a hell of a show and see you on the stage.” Paul smiled so adorably that Richard’s heart melted just a tiny bit.

“Yeah, same to you….” he mumbled when the other guitarist was already back in his own place.

The focus was once again gone. Richard exhaled and closed his eyes. Okay, now concentrate for Christ’s sake. Emotional shit can wait. Don’t let your feelings ruin your performance. Let’s deal with this later.

In his heart he knew that tonight, after the concert, he had to do something for this situation - it couldn’t continue like this, them both avoiding each other and just occasionally communicating awkwardly. It was far from normal when even Paul’s slightest presence alarmed him. Overanalyzing had already made him crazy.

Richard decided that tonight, he had to stop being a coward and drag Paul somewhere and tell him.

But what could he say exactly?

It was difficult to tell but at least he wished from the bottom of his heart that they could be their normal selves again if it was even possible anymore.

I have to do it. Tonight. No lousy excuses anymore.

Richard wasn’t sure which one was more stressing: playing a concert for thousands of people or confessing his love and longing for his long-time friend.

In this case, perhaps, the latter.

After an announcement in Spanish, the atmosphere turned serious and nobody spoke or joked anymore. Even though how many times they had done this it was always like the first time - every concert acted as it’s own and you’d never know what was going to happen. That was the scariest, yet the most fascinating part of being a musician and this was the thing Richard knew he was born to do. He was totally hooked to the feeling music was able to give him - it was like a drug, but a million times better.

He also knew that he couldn’t get rid of this group of friends he had grown so attached to during the many years spent together. His destiny was bound to them - especially to the one for whom he was ready to do anything. Even throw himself into a lion’s den, if necessary.

When Royal Fireworks’ last notes faded, Schneider took a step forward and raised his thumb up, turning to his bandmates the one last time. “Let’s give them a night of their lives,” he whispered, before entering the stage with a smirk.

Richard squeezed his guitar with sweaty hands - only a couple of seconds was left for his turn. “Please, don’t fail tonight,” he muttered at himself. Give me strength for this and for the rest of the evening, whatever will happen, he prayed in his mind but didn’t know to whom exactly.

#rammstein #richard kruspe #paul landers #till lindemann #flake lorenz #christoph schneider #oliver riedel #Europe Stadium Tour 2019 #fanfiction #something poetic #my fics #my poems

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meghanmurphy · 7 years

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-Louise Glück

#april is the cruelest #poems for spring #Lousie Glück

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vasiyetnamelerim · 4 years

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Gece Göç Eden Kuşlar

Şu anda yeniden görüyorsun

kül dağlarının kızıl dutlarını

ve göğün karanlığında

gece göç eden kuş sürülerini

Ölülerin bunları göremeyeceğini

bilmek kederlendiriyor beni—

tutunduğumuz şeyler

kaybolup gidiyor

İnsan neyle avunur o zaman?

belki ihtiyaç duymaz artık hazza

diyorum kendime;

belki basitçe olmak yeterlidir,

düşlemektir zor olan.

Lousie Glück

Çev.: Gökçenur Ç.

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carterhaughs · 6 years

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My Review of The House on Marshland

As with Lousie Glück’s first book of poetry, Firstborn, I look forward to finding out what was going on in Glück's life and how that may have influenced her in its writing, but I purposely read it without any referents in order to see what I'd make of it on its own. This is a collection concentrated on the fecund decay of autumn and the paradox of life at peak ripeness so soon before its end. This metaphor is projected onto life and death and the realms in between, as in one of my new favorite poems about the Persophone myth,"Pomegranate," and onto mundane subjects rendered wondrous and painfully, achingly beautiful and ephemeral like a marriage in its death throes even at the dawning of a new life born of that union.

[x]

#kat reads books #louise glück #the house on marshland

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dr-richard-train · 7 years

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Wahre Geschichte (1)

Vorwort: die Themen haben mich inspiriert auch wenn hier nicht wirklich welche behandelt wurden, doch die nächsten werden die Themen immer mehr behandeln, so erzähle ich euch aus meinem Leben Geschichten die viele Themen abgreifen werden. Thema hier Verzweiflung und Betrunken

Ich war vor 3-4 Jahren auf einer Party, weiß nicht mehr genau wer oder was gefeuert wurde. Voll war ich wie ein Fass, schon bevor ich ankam hatte ich einen sitzen, auf der Party hab ich nicht mal mehr mein Pegel erhöht oder nicht erwähnenswert erhöht. Mein Glück ist es das man bei mir nicht wirklich erkennt, dass ich einen sitzen hab, war schon in unzähligen Berufen, Täglich betrunken, doch nie gab es ärger oder ich wurde darauf angesprochen. Klar gab es Momente wo ich über das wirklich voll sein hinaus geschossen bin aber das ist eine andere Geschichte.

Bin angekommen, stolziere hinein, grüße hier und da Leute, es war eine Hausparty, wirklich angenehm, umsonst saufen in Bayern ist immer angenehm. Blieb aber nicht lange, ich kam nur weil ich Ficken wollte, schuldig der anklage ich gehe generell nur auf Partys um am ende nicht alleine nach hause zu gehen. Deswegen nehme ich auch nie eine weibliche Begleitung mit zur einer Party. Erstens hat man ja schon eine braut und alleine ist es besser sie zu bezirzen, warum also auf einer Party noch hundert andere Jung's dazu einladen. Zweitens Findest du eine Heißere, ist streit vorprogrammiert egal ob es nur eine gute Freundin ist oder nicht, Gespräche wie „du hast dich denn ganzen Abend nur mit ihr beschäftigt“ Laufen zu 60%.

Gut ich fahre also meine Fühler aus und schaue mich um, ein wenig wie shoppen man läuft von einem Weib zum anderen quatscht hier und da, und am ende nimmt man sich, das was einem am besten gefallen hat.

Das war an diesem Abend einfach, ich sah sie und mein erster Gedanke galt ihren kleinen Hintern, ich bin ein Kerl der das ganze gern Variiert Dick, dünn oder trainiert. Es Gibt in jeder Körperfrom schöne und nicht schöne Menschen,so sehe ich das, ich hab viele dicke Frauen kennengelernt die ich gegen so manches Model eintauschen würde. Schönheit liegt eben nicht an Körper selbst sondern einfach an der Ausstrahlung wie man es verkaufen kann.

Ihren Dürren Hintern sah ich und malte mir schon aus wie ich sie flachlegen würde. Drei Kerle umfliegen sie, wie Bienen, sahen auch so lästig aus, sie gehört zu der Kategorie Frauen bei dem sich nur eine Gruppe nähert, oft traut sich der Kerl, alleine nicht sie anzusprechen. Ich quetschte mich durch die drei Kerlen hinweg beugte mich leicht vor, stand gerade mal einen Meter vor hier doch mit meinen 190 wirkte ich deutlich größer als alle vier. Ich beugte mich nach vorne streckte die Hand aus und sage „ich grüße dich, Chris“.

Sie war total verunsichert, machte einen komischen Gesichtsausdruck, wie aus filme wenn ein Nerd mit einer Frau spricht, so wirkte sie ein wenig. Sie streckte mir die Hand entgegen „Hallo, Lousie“.

Ich wusste natürlich nicht warum sie so verunsichert war, Klar ich verunsichere gerne Frauen aber meistens ist das eher ein überraschtes Verunsichert sein. Doch dieses war anders, doch ich warf ihr sofort hinterher „hast du Lust, ein bisschen draußen zu quatschen“. Baaam, sofort merkte ich die Braunen Augen von den Kerlen auf mir, sie hatten ein Tiefen Hass in sich, doch ich ignorierte sie einfach. Sie sagte nichts, oder versuchte Worte zu finden, also unterbrach ich ihre Gedanken. „möchte nicht alleine Luft schnappen, auf auf Kleine“.

„okay“

Ich war froh das ich nicht weiter daran zupfen musste, sie war draußen nicht mehr verunsichert, wirkte erlöst, befreit, „wollte dich nur von dem Bienenschwarm weglocken“.....

Wir quatschten noch eine Zeit, lachten und sie erzählte mir wie dumm sich die anderen Heute angestellt hatten. Ich erzähl ihr meine Missgeschicke über meine Jahre, einige der Geschichten werde ich auch noch nieder schreiben.

Wir kamen bei mir an, sie lässt sich auf Bett fallen und ich setze ihr nach, jetzt kommen wir eigentlich zur der Geschichte um die es geht, das alles davor war nur eine entlosschleife der Langeweile, eben eine Einführung, die eigentliche Geschichte ist in wenigen Worten erzählt, aufgepasst und Action.

Ich machte mich über sie her, zerstöre ihren BH, reiße ihr auch fast den String kaputt, Finger an ihr rum, sie hatte eine ausgesprochene schöne Möse wenn ich das so sagen darf, schön rosa, nicht zu lange Schamlippen usw. Danach Bläst sie mir einen und ich folgte mit einem Kondom, zieh ihn mir drüber und stecke ihn rein, stoße ein paar mal und dann, Plötzlich zucke ich zusammen, kam gar nicht klar was passiert ist? Sie fängt an zu weinen, ich lege mir die Hände ins Gesicht, verstand nicht was los ist, ich war noch nicht gekommen, vielleicht hab ich ihr beim fingern, eine wunde zugelegt die jetzt brennt, sie weinte einfach extrem laut, ich war durcheinander, steig von ihr runter, wischte ihr die tränen weg und dennoch weint sie „ist er ?“ stammelt ich vor mir hin, doch sie ignorierte mich.

Ich versuchte sie zu trösten aber nichts funktioniere, ich frag sie „ soll ich dir ein Taxi, geht auf mich?“.

Sie reagierte nicht, weinte einfach und ich wäre mir sicher, würden meine Nachbarn nur ein wenig deutsch sprechen wären sie vorbei gekommen oder hätten die Bullen gerufen.

Sie Schlief bei mir, blieb beim Frühstück und sie sagte kein Wort. Bis ich sie in die U-Bahn setzte da sagte sie „danke“ küsste mich, fast mir in den Schritt und ich sah sie nie wieder. Bis heute weiß ich nicht warum sie geweint hatte, schade ich hätte es gern gewusst, egal wie schlimm es auch gewesen wäre.

#wahre geschichte #Geschichte #1

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