#literally digging through my memory to make this lol but you know
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mine | joshua hong
SYNOPSIS. in which joshua is the best thing that's ever been... yours.
PAIRING. joshua hong x gn!reader (ft. cheol, jeonghan, soonyoung, mingyu, chan - they don't rlly have dialogue tho lol)
GENRE. fluff, some angst, hurt/comfort, friends to lovers, established relationship
WARNINGS. a very very brief shirtless joshua moment LMAO, implications of reader having a toxic ex, mentions that reader's parents have a rocky relationship and separate, kissing, terms of endearment, reader and joshua have a lil argument
WORD COUNT. 3.6k
requested from @staranghae: joshua + mine by taylor swift for the 2k followers event please 🩷🎀
notes: i am fluent in this song!!!! whenever my love playlist comes on and this plays i literally scream lungs out!!! and shua fits this vibe so much <3
join the 2k celebration!
ONE. "i was a flight risk, with a fear of falling / wondering why we bother with love, if it never lasts..."
Maybe you've always underestimated how the feeling of fresh air hitting your lungs makes you feel so replenished, free, like a single whiff blows away those gusts of worry in an instant.
Your fingers carry a tight, secure grip on Seungcheol's surfboard𑁋you volunteered to carry it for him so he could unload the other things from the van𑁋soft sand meeting your toes the second you step onto the beach for the first time of the summer season. Salty air tingles at your nose, the late afternoon sun baring down on your shoulders, and the expanse of the ocean opens up right before your eyes.
This place had basically watched you grow up. It carries a lot of memories that you hold dear to your heart.
You see Soonyoung already digging into the sand with an abnormally large stick, and Mingyu carrying a bunch of firewood in his arms before dropping them down onto the ground (and accidentally one on his foot, but you won't say anything about that).
However, your eyes drift and land on a figure running up from the beach shore. His dark hair is wet and sticking to his forehead, chest and arms revealed in all its glory before quickly covered up by a white, somewhat lacy button-down shirt that still doesn't do much in concealing the muscles underneath. For a moment, you nearly loose the grip on Seungcheol's surfboard.
Joshua Hong seems to spot you from even a mile away. He's running up to you before you even have the minute to breathe, a grin splitting his face that's as warm as the setting sun. Sand clings to his damp flip-flops and the hem of his black shorts as he nearly skids to a halt in front of you, chest heaving and out of breath. His shirt isn't even buttoned, dammit.
"Hey," he greets you breathlessly, letting his eyes take you in for a second. "Glad you could make it."
A soft smile of your own blooms on your face. "It's good to see you too, asshole."
A flicker of feigned hurt plays across Joshua's features. "Come on. That was so two years ago! I didn't want to push you in the water. You should know that by now."
"Wow, you care so much about me, don't you?" You nearly swing Seungcheol's surfboard playfully in his direction. "You listen to Jeonghan more than your own little brain."
"I swear, it's changed. Everything's changed since then," Joshua reasons lightly. "You have my ears for the entire night, I promise."
His words hang in the air for a moment, and there's perhaps a sliver of fondness in his eyes that you catch when your gazes meet. You feel a certain warmth spread through your chest that you try so hard to ignore each time he's around you.
You brush it off with a roll of your eyes before strolling past him, hoping that Seungcheol's surfboard was enough to cover up the slight flush creeping up your cheeks. The smile to your face still lingers as you walk towards to where Soonyoung and Mingyu are, whom dash up to you the moment they see you to engulf you in a welcoming hug.
Mingyu is almost done setting up the bonfire by the time you and Seungcheol bring all the food and supplies from the van. Jeonghan and Chan had arrived by the time the fire is lit up and crackling, casting a warm, inviting glow on the beach scene. And it isn't long when the yearly traditions of a group bonfire and beachside barbecue commence.
The smell of grilled food fills the air, mixing with the salty breeze and the crackle of the fire. And just for those moments, you forget these fuzzy feelings swirling around you as familiar laughter and camaraderie take over instead.
You've known all of your friends for different amounts of times, but being here with all of them makes it feel like time hasn't passed by at all. Inside jokes are exchanged, memories from as far as childhood resurface, and stories are told that leave you all doubled over with laughter (and Soonyoung nearly choking on a marshmallow).
It's almost natural in the way your eyes seem to search for Joshua's every single time that feeling of happiness threatens to overflow within you. The fire flickers upon his face, his eyes crinkled deeply when he smiles. Happiness looks good on him, you think. It always has.
...does his eyes search for yours too?
By the time the fire dies down, you find yourself sitting near the edge of the beach, with your legs stretched on the sand and the waves barely lapping against your feet. Seungcheol and Mingyu are already out on the ocean on their surfboards, then there's Chan and Soonyoung struggling to get their sandcastle to stay up, and Jeonghan is already knocked out on a beach towel. It's just you, and wherever the hell Joshua is.
"Something's bothering you, isn't it?"
The voice snaps you away from your thoughts, and you pick your head up to see Joshua walking up to you. A cool breeze flows through his strands of his hair as he approaches.
You blink at him. "What?"
He sits down beside you on the sand, close enough that the warmth of his body brushes against yours. "You were too quiet earlier."
You face back towards the water, cowering your head down as if guilty of some sorts.
"Oh," You murmur, somewhat to yourself. "Sorry."
"Sorry for what?" Joshua asks, nudging you lightly on the shoulder. "I told you earlier that I would be all ears for you."
You smile faintly at that. Would you still be all ears if I told you that I've been such a coward with my feelings for you?
"It's... just boy problems, I guess," You respond, though you feel a twinge of regret for wording it like that. It's more than just simply boy problems.
Joshua's jaw seems to tighten at that. "Did that jerk contact you again?"
You know who exactly he's talking about, and you let out a sigh. "No, not him. I... I blocked him a few months ago when he tried spam calling me again. Sort of gave me a good scare, to be honest."
At the corner of your eye, Joshua's hand digs aimlessly into the sand, clenching and unclenching a fistful before smoothing it out again.
"I'm glad you're okay," he says softly, gaze fixed on the grains of sand slipping through his fingers. "You deserve someone way better than him."
You chuckle at that, and a bittersweet pang shoots through your chest. It's true, you deserve better. But really, the problem isn't just jerks and bad relationships. It's the thought of falling for someone again and it all comes crashing down... again.
But it's not like you could hold back from falling when you've already fallen. The truth is undeniable at this point𑁋your heart already beats a little faster for the boy right next to you.
"Guys! Look at the sunset!" Chan's voice rings out into the cool, evening air, pointing an excited finger towards the horizon.
Simultaneously, you and Joshua bring your eyes up tot the sky together. The last rays of the sun are painting the sky in a breathtaking display of fiery oranges, pinks, and purples, like a fleeting masterpiece before nightfall takes hold.
"Wow," You mutter out in awe. "It's beautiful, isn't it?"
Joshua cocks his head to the side, a low hum leaving his lips. "Hmm, I could think of something more beautiful than that, honestly."
You scoff, hitting him lightly on the shoulder. "You ruined the sentimental moment, idiot."
Joshua lets out an amused laugh, a sound that sends those flutters blossoming in your stomach, one you haven't realised you've missed until this very moment. A small giggle of your own escapes your mouth as you bring your eyes back to the sunset together.
Then a low yawn stifles out of you. Maybe everything that has happened the past few hours are finally catching up to you. You let out another yawn, hoping Joshua doesn't notice. But of course, he does.
"Getting tired?" he asks you.
You give a small nod. "Just a little."
A few moment pass, before you feel an arm drape casually over your shoulders. The scent of Joshua and his warmth seeps within your bones. You almost want to protest, but the words get caught in your throat, and you lean your head on his shoulder, feeling the steady rise and fall of his chest with each breath.
Perhaps you could spend a long time staying in this position and hope the silence is able to spill all the words you've been meaning to say for all this time, but you know it's easier said than done. Because what's the point of confessing anymore if you know it won't ever last? That you know it'll ruin everything you've built up to get this far?
You've seen it happen around you𑁋with you, your parents, hell even strangers online. It's taught you nothing but to run. That's what your mind tells you to do, but not your heart. And maybe you listen to your mind more often than not.
"Yo, Josh!" Mingyu's voice hollers out from the ocean, and you feel a certain pressure be lifted up from your head (when did he lay his head on yours?) as you catch the sight of Seungcheol and Mingyu motioning to their surfboards. "Wanna hop on?"
Joshua briefly glances down at you, and you meet his gaze, seeing the indecision in his features.
"I don't mind," You tell him. "I'll be fine here."
He hesitates. "Are you sure?"
"Yeah, don't worry about me." You pick your head off from his shoulders. "Go have your boy-fun."
Joshua gives you a small smile, though there's a hint of reluctance in his expression. He shouts back to Mingyu and Seungcheol before standing up and brushing the sand off his shorts. You could hardly pull your eyes away from him as he does so.
He starts trotting away as you face back toward the ocean with a sigh, relinquishing the moments you get to have to gather up your thoughts.
"Hey, Y/N?"
You pick your eyes back up to Joshua marching back towards you. He stops in front of you, a grin tugging at the corners of his lips.
"You look beautiful today, by the way." Then he gives shoots you a wink before turning back around. "Just wanted you to know."
The kiss you leave to his cheek later on was really worth the risk.
TWO. "you learn my secrets and you figure out why i'm guarded / you say we'll never make my parents' mistakes..."
A picture frame of a four-year-old Joshua is staring back at you. He still has that same silly grin on his face, the one that has his own eyes smiling as well and makes your heart feel lighter every time you look at it. You reach out to touch the frame, tracing the outline of his little face with your fingertip.
Sometimes, you wish you could experience what he was like at this time𑁋to grow up with him, to know what exactly led him to meeting you. But then again, he's already here with you now, and maybe that's all that matters.
"All ready for bed?" Joshua's voice popping in makes you swiftly place back the picture frame back on his desk. You turn around to see him leaning against the doorway with a soft smile playing on his lips, clad with a simple white t-shirt and a pair of grey sweatpants.
"Mhm," You hum out in response as you settle back under the covers of his bed.
It isn't the first night you've spent with him at his place, but you seem to seek the feeling of his comfort more often than sleeping in your own bed. Jeonghan has been kind of nagging you the two of you to move in together at this point, but that's a leap you're a bit hesitant to jump right now. But the drawer of your own clothes in his wardrobe is a bit of an argument that's hard to defend.
Joshua crawls his way into the spot right next to you, slipping under the duvet and wrapping an arm around your waist to pull you more into his embrace. You feel his breath meet the nape of your neck, warm and soothing against your skin, and your eyes flutter to the feeling.
You shift your position so that you're facing him. His eyes are already closed, lips pursed up slightly, and even then he still looks absolutely stunning. But you know he isn't asleep. Not yet, at least.
"My parents had uh... another argument today," You confess lowly, hesitantly.
Joshua's eyes open up slightly, adjusting his head so he can look at you better. A faint crease of concern appears between his brows, the arm around you tightening imperceptibly.
"Do you want to talk about it?"
You bite at your bottom lip anxiously. There are times you feel as if the only thing that could get you talking is always something revolving your parents, and you wonder if Joshua ever gets tired hearing about all of it. The thought courses insecurity to crawl in your veins, tightening your throat.
But Joshua's patient gaze towards you cuts through the uncertainty bubbling in your chest.
"Just same old, same old, you know?" You attempt to explain. "It just feels like they can't see eye-to-eye anymore. There's like... I don't know... nothing left between them, I guess. And it scares me that... it'll happen to us."
The last sentence suspends thickly into the air. Even then, you know it's more than the truth𑁋you've grown up witnessing and overhearing arguments from your parents that laid down this pessimistic view on the world around you.
You could feel your heart racing from all the anticipation. There's a wave of emotions that washes over Joshua's face, then he takes a deep breath and squeezes you tighter in his hold.
"Hey," he mutters. "Look at me."
You hesitantly meet his eyes.
"We're not like them, okay?" he assures you simply, bringing his hand up to cup your face oh-so gently in his hold. "We may argue sometimes. But the difference is, we communicate. We listen to each other. And we may not have all the answers to everything, but we'll figure it out together, alright?"
You swear you can feel the way he's holding your face also on your heart, like he's protecting you in a way from any doubts that might creep in. A small sigh escapes you, the tension leaving your shoulders as his words wrap around you comfortingly. The faintest, appreciative curve appears to your lips as you feel Joshua's thumb brush against your cheek.
He dreamily smiles at you as well, despite his face being half-buried in the pillow. And the thought of being able to wake up to this sight every single day suddenly feels a lot less like a leap and a whole lot more like a promise.
Somehow, the gap between the two of you disappears as your lips meets his. He kisses you so tenderly, mouth moving against yours with a delicate urgency, and the tiny sound that leaves you brings that smirk you could feel forming on his face.
You feel almost dizzy when you pull away, nothing but a shy look gracing over your features.
"Feeling better?" Joshua asks softly, brushing a stray strand of hair away from your face.
You could only gaze at him, wondering to yourself how he's even in real, how someone like him could exist with his sleepy smile, messy hair, and perfect features carved by the angels above, yet cherish you so dearly.
"Can you..." Your eyes flicker from eyes to his lips. "Can you... keep kissing me?"
It feels really silly to ask that, however Joshua just chuckles, the sound rumbling from deep within his chest as he peers at you with nothing but adoration.
"Of course," he replies, leaning back in. "Whatever you want."
THREE. "braced myself for the goodbye, 'cause that's all I've ever known / then you took me by surprise / you said, 'I'll never leave you alone...'"
The tears streaming down your face burns through the concrete below like acid.
"Y/N, wait𑁋"
"I told you that I-I can't do this right now."
The leaves crunching at your feet echo in your ears as you walk away from Joshua, each step feeling heavier than the last. It's around two in the morning or something, and you can't remember the last time you felt this lost and broken ever since your parents' separation. It's like the ground beneath you has crumbled away, leaving you suspended in midair, grasping for something𑁋just anything𑁋to hold onto.
You've been here before, standing at the edge of this cliff of vulnerability. It's easier to leave before you get left, easier to build walls than to let someone in only to watch them walk away.
But you've come to understand that Joshua isn't one to give up easily. He catches up to you quickly, his hand gently grasping your arm to stop you in your tracks. You try to shrug him off, but his grip only tightens slightly as he turns you around to face him.
"Talk to me," he pleads insistently, and the subtle tremble to his voice has your chest clenching. "If you're just going to keep pushing me away, then𑁋"
"Then leave." The words leave you before you can stop them, fueled by the ache in your chest and the fear in your heart. "You don't have to stay with me when all I-I do is push you away. Don't you think you deserve someone better?"
Joshua's grip on your arm loosens at your words, but it doesn't fall. His eyes scan over your tear-stained face, the quiver to your lips, and all of it has you bracing yourself for the inevitable, final blow𑁋for him to turn and walk away like so many others before him.
But instead, he just steps closer to you.
"This isn't about me staying because I have to, Y/N," he explains. "It's about me wanting to stay because I love you. I knew what I was getting into the second I realised I was falling for you. So no, I'm not going to leave you. And I'll never leave you alone because I know you're worth fighting for."
Your breath catches in your throat, his words piercing through you like a bullet straight through the heart. Even Joshua appears out of breath himself, as if he's poured his own heart out to you in those few simple sentences. The silence stretches between the two of you.
With a quiet sigh and a faint smile, he lets the tension simmer down by trailing his eyes over you.
"When I look at you, I think... I think I fall in love with you all over again like the first time I saw you," Joshua admits shyly, followed by a sheepish chuckle to himself. "It's cheesy, I know. But I can't help it. It's hard not to look at you."
You feel the heat crawling up your face as you blink away your tears clumsily, peering up at him inquisitively. "Really?"
This just draws another laugh from him. Joshua steps closer to you, trailing a hand to cup your face and the other to slide to your back to shorten the gap between the two of you even more. He places a soft kiss to your forehead, his lips lingering there for a moment before he pulls back slightly to meet your gaze.
"Really," he confirms, voice gentle yet firm. "I meant every word I said, darling."
This brings a genuine smile to your face as if it was the first one that night. You instinctively lean more into Joshua's touch, letting your eyes close for a moment to the simple feeling of him holding you.
"I'm sorry," You mumble, voice barely above a whisper. "for pushing you away like that. It's just... I'm scared."
Joshua takes one of your hands into his own to bring up to his lips, pressing a reassuring kiss to your knuckles.
"It's okay," he assures you. "We can be scared together."
FOUR. "do you believe it? / we're gonna make it now / and i can see it / i can see it now."
A pair of arms snake around your waist from behind, the relaxing melody of a piano floating through the air of the kitchen. You take in a deep breath, leaning back into Joshua's embrace as he rests his chin on your shoulder.
"Smells amazing, honey," Joshua murmurs, pressing a soft kiss to your temple.
You smile contentedly, feeling the peace of the moment wash over the two of you. The enticing smells of the pasta you were cooking waft around the kitchen, mingling with the scent of fresh herbs, garlic, and Joshua's presence right behind you.
"It should be ready soon," You say, clutching the wooden spoon in your hands to give the sauce a final stir.
Joshua's eyes arms tighten around you, pulling you even closer as he sways gently to the music. You hear the sounds of his hums hit your ears as you turn to the heat off to the stove. And as you attempt to pull away from him to grab for some plates, Joshua's grip on your waist hardly budges.
You groan exaggeratedly. "Shua, I need to𑁋"
"Marry me."
You freeze immediately, and you swear time halted right at that moment. Turning around in his hold, you're met with the sight of Joshua's eyes on you. You try to pinpoint any doubt in them, any sign that this is some sort of joke, but his gaze remains unwavering, dark eyes serious yet painted with a shine of hope that tugs right at the strings of your heart and the walls of your hesitation.
There's always that fear gnawing at in the back of your mind. But beneath it all, a warmth spreads through your chest, a certainty that feels as natural as breathing.
And perhaps, you see nothing but forever in him.
You can see it in the way his eyes soften, in the way his hand trembles anxiously against your waist, in the way his lips part ever so slightly as he waits for your response. You can see it all in him. You've made it.
You kiss him just seconds later. It's a question your heart has already answered long before the words left Joshua's lips. You lean more into his touch, feeling your heart overflow past the brink of joy, and the feelings all melt together into the singular realisation that he's the best thing that's ever been yours.
When the two of you finally break away, a single word escapes your lips, "Yes."
another note: sorry this ending was slightly rushed T-T
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Your Pretty Heart (Billy Russo x f!Reader)
A/N: Anyone else widely obsessed with Pedro Pascal and The Last of Us right now? Being back in my Pedro era feels like getting home after a long ass trip. Should I write for some of Pedro's characters?? SOS! Also, I hit 800 followers today??? Like what??? Thank you to everyone who supports me and this account!!
Request: ex’s to lovers with Billy Russo or Matt Murdock. Where Frank and Karen “help” Billy/Matt get their ass together to get back with Reader. Because come on their clearly still in lovee.
Word Count: 3.7k
Summary: When you and Billy break up, Karen takes it upon herself to get you back together. Her plan comes to a head one night at Josie’s, and you and Billy must face the consequences of loving and leaving one another.
(Warnings: so much angst, cursing, Billy is a soft!boy at heart, soft!Billy, descriptions of smut (but like romantic descriptions, not graphic ones??), I think that’s it, it’s literally just really sad until the end lol)
“You look great.” Your date smiled, but he wasn’t looking at your face. Instead, for the third time in less than a minute, his eyes trailed the sloping curve of your cleavage as it disappeared into your dress. You shrugged his gaze off, hoping there was at least something interesting about him to keep you entertained for the evening. Something could be there. Deep, deep, down, but there, nonetheless.
“So, Brad, what do you do for work? When Karen set this up, she didn’t tell me much about you.”
“I’m an accountant.”
Brad nodded his head along with yours, an awkward bob as you waited for him to return the question. He didn’t, instead choosing to fix his gaze on the jazz singer across the restaurant. Zero for two, Brad.
“Do you, uh, have any hobbies?” You tried again to break the conversation dam, but Brad’s attention was so far away from the table you were sharing that he barely glanced at you when he responded.
“I jog sometimes.”
“Oh!” You lurched forward, desperate to grab onto anything that might make this date less awkward. “I like to jog, too. I’ll listen to books when I do it to pass the time. Do you read at all?”
Brad’s eyes flicked to yours, then back to the jazz singer. Uninterested, bored, and inconvenienced. That’s what his glance told you.
“People who need books or music when they run aren’t capable of self-reflection. It’s how you grow as a human being, you know? You should try it.”
You blinked. Who the fuck does this guy think he is? A pompous, arrogant, prick seemed like the winning description, and you chuckled as you looped your purse handle over your shoulder.
“Well, Brad.” You stood from your seat, drawing his attention away from the band. “Congratulations. You win. I think this is quite possibly the worst date I’ve ever been on, and that’s saying a lot.”
You didn’t deem him with an explanation as you exited the restaurant, but a vivid memory flashed in your mind of Billy standing you up on your anniversary last year. Yeah, that date was terrible, but at least Billy hadn’t insulted you after standing you up. He’d spent weeks apologizing with flowers, jewelry, and even cutting down on his time at Anvil so he could spend more time with you, but that date would always stick out in your mind as the beginning of the end.
You shook the thoughts from your head, digging through your purse to find your cellphone. Karen was going to explain where the fuck she met this guy, and why she thought setting him up with you would be a good idea. She picked up on the second ring.
“Karen.” You tapped your foot on the sidewalk. “What the fuck?”
“Hey! How was the date?”
Wherever Karen was, it was loud. You could barely understand her through the speaker, muffled by music and what sounded like a crowd of people in the background.
“The date was so bad.” You almost whined. Almost stomped your foot at how unfair the dating world had become. Almost thought about how much easier it was when you were with Billy. “Where did you even meet this guy?”
“At work. Was he an asshole?” She sounded apologetic, but the volume at which she had to scream her question into the phone made the entire interaction feel a little less impactful.
“Grade-A Asshole.” You groaned. “Where are you?”
“I’m at Josie’s, but-”
“Great. I’m on my way.”
You hung up the phone before she could respond and hailed a taxi. You felt a little guilty for barging in on her evening. Karen was a good friend, one that you’d clung to since you and Billy had gone your separate ways, and she deserved a night out without your moping. But the nagging feeling rolling around in the pit of your stomach told you exactly the reason you had to go to Josie’s. If you didn’t go hang out with Karen, you’d end up calling Billy, and the last thing you wanted to do was let him see you after a shitty date. You climbed into the taxi and hoped you could drink away the memories of tonight with Karen once you arrived at Josie’s.
-
Billy took a hefty sip of his beer as he eavesdropped on Karen’s phone conversation. Technically, it wasn’t eavesdropping if Karen had whacked him on the arm the second her phone started ringing, but it made Billy uncomfortable anyways. What they’d planned felt too much like a trick, and he didn’t want to take advantage of the situation.
“She’s on her way.” Karen grinned, raising her beer in the air to clink bottles with him.
Billy fiddled with the bottle in his hand, unsure if there was anything to be ‘cheersing’ to.
“C’mon, Bill,” Frank grunted, meeting Karen’s still outstretched arm, “It worked. She’s on her way. Now, all you have to do is be a lesser asshole than her date.”
“Don’t you think she’ll be furious when she finds out her entire evening was construed by her ex-boyfriend and best friends? She doesn’t even want to see me.”
“Trust me, Billy,” Karen angled her head for emphasis, “She does. She just won’t admit it.”
“How do you know, though?”
“I see it on her face, and hear it in her voice, and she’s still sleeping on my couch. And you know what that tells me?”
Billy rolled his eyes. “What does that tell you, Karen?”
Karen’s eyes twinkled with mischief. “That she’s not looking for another apartment. That she still has hope that she’ll be able to go home, to your apartment.”
Billy shook his head. “The market is insane. Maybe she just can’t find an affordable one.”
“I saw three listed in the paper this morning. She’s not looking, Billy. She misses you.”
Billy groaned, dragging his hands over his face. This entire situation was completely and totally fucked, and it was completely and totally his fault. He’d always been warned that his ambition would get the best of him. You’d slipped through his fingers so quickly that he got whiplash when he thought about the end of the relationship. It was like you were there one day and gone the next, and he had no idea how he ended up alone, stranded in his kitchen in the middle of the night because the idea of going to bed without you hurt too much.
“What if it’s too late? What if I can’t fix it?”
“All you can do is try, Bill.” Frank shrugged.
“She loves you.” Karen spoke firmly, tapping her finger on the table, “And you love her. But she needs to know that. You have to show her that you love her.”
“How? I thought I was doing that before.” Billy let out a disgruntled breath and cleared his throat.
“Your priorities need to change. She deserves better than last-minute cancellations and rescheduled dates. You’re your own boss, Billy. You make the rules, and no matter how much money you spend on her, or how many gifts you buy her, she’s always going to remember the times that you didn’t show up.”
Billy nodded. Karen was right, as usual. There’d been a significant change in the amount of time Billy was spending at Anvil, sometimes returning home early in the morning, only to change suits and leave again. It wasn’t your fault – it never was – but Billy couldn’t help himself from falling back into his old patterns. When shit got too real, he retreated, and it ended up costing him the most important thing in his life.
Tonight was his chance to fix everything – to bring you home, to remind you that he adored you, to show you that his life was falling apart without you in it. All he had to do was get you to listen, and he was sure everything else would fall into place.
-
You took three steps into the bar before swiveling around and marching out in a dramatic fashion. Cursing Karen for conveniently forgetting to mention that Billy was with her, you tried not to stomp down the sidewalk that led to Karen’s apartment. If you had an apartment of your own, you’d surely be stomping your way there instead.
You didn’t make it far before you heard your name being called behind you. Two distinct voices trailed you, but you were more focused on the lack of the third. Had he stayed behind at the bar? You swung around, almost slamming into Frank’s chest. Karen was a few steps behind him, and behind her, stood beautiful and broken Billy, hands in his pants pockets.
“What?” You screeched, eyes flickering between the group.
“I just wanted to tell you thaaaat,” Karen’s eyes twinkled, and you should’ve known that she was about to make your night go from bad to worse, “I’m going back to my apartment with my boyfriend, who is going to do very loud things to me for hours. If I were you, I’d steer clear of the whole block tonight.”
You rolled your eyes and looked at Frank, whose innocent expression gave away Karen’s plan faster than you could piece it together. Clearly, this coup had been planned, and they were leaving you with no option but to spend time with Billy.
“Is that so?” You narrowed your eyes at her, hoping she could read every nasty thought you’d ever had about her in your gaze.
“Yep!” She hooked an arm through Frank’s and tugged him down the sidewalk. “See you tomorrow!”
You watched them until they turned a corner, and you could no longer see them. When you turned to face Billy again, he had inched closer to you, standing a heady meter away with his hands still in his pockets.
“Did you plan this?”
The anger in your voice echoed across the concrete, slamming into Billy. He grasped his chest as if you’d shot him in the heart.
“No. I didn’t even know there was a plan until I showed up at Josie’s earlier.”
You hesitated to believe him, but something in the way he was looking at you told you to trust him. You looked him up and down, focusing on the way he looked worse than you’d ever seen him. For a brief second, you felt triumph over it. He deserved this after everything he did to you. He deserved to feel like shit. The triumph faded faster than it came, and an overwhelming sadness replaced the ire thoughts you were having about him.
There were bags under his eyes, and you could tell he hadn’t been sleeping well. He never did when he couldn’t sleep with you. The facial hair that he usually kept so neat and maintained had grown beyond his usual boundaries, and the fact that he kept subconsciously scratching at it told you he didn’t like it. You tried not to let it get to you. You probably looked like shit, too.
“How’ve you been?” His focus remained wholly on you. You rubbed the back of your neck to try and shake off his stare.
“We don’t have to do this, Bil.” You looked at the ground, focusing on the crack in the concrete that crawled its way across the sidewalk, drawing a line inbetween you and Billy. You couldn’t decide if that was fitting, or incredibly sad. Maybe it was both.
“We’re not doing anything.” He shook his head innocently.
“You know what I mea-”
“Come home.”
There was a pregnant pause in the conversation as the two of you eyed each other.
“Billy, I-”
“Just for tonight. Until Karen’s apartment is...safe again.”
You narrowed your eyes at him, searching for an ulterior motive. And of course, there was an ulterior motive. You couldn’t blame him for it, because you knew if the roles were reversed, you’d be doing the same thing.
“I don’t know if that’s a good idea.” You shook your head, more towards yourself than at him.
“Why not?” He cocked his head to the side.
“You know why.”
He nodded but shrugged his shoulders anyways.
“I’m not going to leave you out here with nowhere to go. It’s either the apartment, or we spend the next few hours in awkward silence at a diner.”
The apartment. Not ‘my’ apartment. He didn’t consider it his when you weren’t there to claim the other half of it. You couldn’t lie to yourself. You wanted so badly to go with him, to see the home that you’d built with him. You wanted so badly to see how he’d faired over the last month without you. It was with all this in mind, and not how much you missed him, that had you nodding, agreeing to go home. Just for a visit, you repeated in your mind, just for a visit.
When you stepped into what was once the living room you shared with Billy, you were struck with an overwhelming sense of familiarity. There was nothing different about it, except that the bookshelf was a little less stuffed than usual. You’d grabbed your favorites on your way out, unable to part with them, even just for a little bit.
“Can I get you some wine?” Billy asked, already heading toward the kitchen to pour himself a glass. You nodded, shrugging your jacket off and trying to ignore the strangeness of being treated like a guest in the home that you’d lived in for years.
When Billy returned with two particularly full glasses, you plopped down on the couch. You didn’t know how to act, or what to say, or who to be when you were around him anymore and falling back into old habits seemed like a grand way to get your feelings hurt again.
“You didn’t answer my question earlier.” Billy took a swig from his glass, sitting on the armchair across from the couch. You silently thanked the universe that he had put distance between the two of you. The closer he was, the less clearly you could think.
“Which one?”
“How’ve you been?”
“Oh.” You took a sip, only because it gave you something to do with your hands. “I’ve been alright.”
He smiled, but the corners of his mouth didn’t reach his eyes. Anyone who looked at you longer than two seconds could see that you’re clearly not doing alright, but you’d grown comfortable living in denial, and you weren’t going to admit how not alright you were.
“Heard your date didn’t go well.”
You scoffed. Maybe it was the wine, or the way he looked smug about the fact that you’d had a shitty date, but you couldn’t help what came out of your mouth next.
“Fuck you, Billy. It’s none of your business.”
Billy looked startled by your outburst. You gulped down another mouthful of wine before rubbing your hand down your face.
“I’m sorry.” You shook your head. “I don’t know where that came from.”
“It’s okay. I probably deserve it.” He shrugged, leaning back in his seat.
“What happened to us?” You asked, gazing at the ceiling.
“You tell me, sunflower. You’re the one that left.”
Your heart ached at the nickname. It wasn’t fair that he used it, especially when you were clearly in a vulnerable mood, but you cherished it anyways.
“You left first.”
It was barely a whisper, said so quietly that you weren’t quite sure he had heard you. If the palpable tension that followed wasn’t indicative of his acknowledgment, the deep sigh that erupted from his chest soon after was indication enough. He stayed quiet, swirling the remaining wine in his glass around in small circles.
You stared at him, unflinching in your assessment of his body language. He didn’t look as miserable as you felt, and a spark of anger ignited in your belly because of it.
“Did you ever really love me, Bil?” You barked. It was bait, and both of you knew it. You’d never questioned his love for you, and he knew you were trying to get a rise out of him, but he couldn’t help stepping up to the plate and taking the bait.
“What kind of fucking question is that?” He watched you closely. You tried not to let your triumph show on your face. “Of course, I love you.”
He stood from his seat and rested his hands on his hips, willing you to do the same. Meet him where he stood, he dared, show him how much you still care. You were nothing if not a daredevil. You joined him in the middle of the room, pressing your index finger into his chest.
“Well then, what the fuck happened?”
“You. Tell. Me.” He gritted from between clenched teeth.
Billy wasn’t being fair to you, and he knew it. You were asking a valid question, and he was cowering behind the anger and frustration in the room.
“I can’t do this again, Bil.” You turned, reaching for your purse. A heavy tug on your elbow had you crashing into Billy’s chest, where he enveloped his arms around you and pulled you into a crushing hold.
“You’re not leaving, are you?”
There was a softness in his voice that tugged at your heartstrings. For a moment, you forgot you were speaking to a grown man and not an orphaned little boy. You blew a long breath out before shaking your head. He rested his forehead against your shoulder.
“No, Bil. I’m not leaving.”
“I always knew I’d end up breaking your pretty heart.” His voice was muffled by your shoulder, but you didn’t miss the slight crack in his words. “I knew I’d fuck it up eventually.”
“I don’t understand what happened. Everything was fine, and then it wasn’t.” You blinked away the tears that had built up on your waterline.
“I know, baby. I’m so sorry.”
You cupped his face as he dropped to his knees in front of you. His eyes, now red-rimmed and glassy, pleaded with you, and you couldn’t stop yourself from lowering your body next to his.
“What’s going on?” You asked him, eyes flickering between his fast-blinking eyelids and rapidly shaking hands.
“I was afraid.” He cleared his throat. “Am. I am afraid.”
“Of what? Where is this coming from?” You gaped. You knew Billy struggled with commitment more than most – it had taken him almost a year of serious dating before he could tell you he loved you – but you thought he had moved past that.
“Tom’s getting married.”
Your brow furrowed. “What does Tom have to do with us?”
“Tom’s getting married, and all I can think about is how I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to give that to you, and how you deserve someone who can give you everything you want and more.”
You let his words sink into your chest, dissecting every interaction you’d had with him leading up to your breakup. It had been a slow descent, and when it finally became too much, you’d left with no clue how you ended up alone and sleeping on Karen’s couch every night.
“Billy,” You shuttered, shaking your head as tears began to travel down your cheeks, “I never said I wanted any of that.”
“It’s what you deserve.”
“But it’s not what I want. Why couldn’t you see that I was happy with the way things were?”
“I was terrified that you’d leave me. And then I became a shit boyfriend, and you really did leave me, and it was the worst thing that’s ever happened to me.”
You wiped the tears from under your eyes and sniffled. “You weren’t always a shit boyfriend.”
Billy snorted, letting a small smile cross his face as he tucked a piece of your hair behind your ear.
“Can you ever forgive me, sunflower?”
You considered his question. If you were being completely honest, you’d forgiven him as soon as you saw his pretty, brown eyes across the bar earlier, so sad and searching for you.
“Can you promise that you’ll tell me when you’re feeling like this again, instead of shutting me out?” You cupped his cheek, eyes flicking down to his lips and then back up to his eyes.
“I can promise that I’ll try.” He swallowed, searching your expression. “Is that enough?”
You lurched forward, pressing your lips to his. The kiss tasted of red wine and salt, and you were suddenly grateful that you’d slumped to the floor earlier instead of waiting until now, when your knees were weak and shaking with anticipation.
“I love you.” Billy mumbled inbetween kisses.
“Show me.” You responded, opening yourself to him for the first time in over a month.
He took you right there on the living room floor, a flurry of intertwined limbs, swollen lips, and skin brushing skin. His lips only left yours long enough to whisper praises against your neck before returning to yours in a bruising kiss. When you came apart underneath him, you couldn’t stop the tears from forming, but he didn’t mind. He kissed the tears away, apologies in their own right, as he continued showing you how much he loved you.
Later on, after hours of reconciliation and apologies, you collapsed next to Billy on the couch. You’d lost your clothes a long time ago, only covered with the throw blanket you’d purchased the year before on a whim, and you watched as he sighed in quiet contemplation.
“We should tell Karen and Frank that their plan worked.” You rested your head on his shoulder. He smiled, pulling you into his chest.
“Let them figure it out on their own. They’ll come around at some point tomorrow when you still haven’t gone back.”
He was right. The next morning, when Karen and Frank knocked on the door, you and Billy were still cuddled together on the couch, so worn out from the night before that you hadn’t been able to muster up the energy to move to the bedroom. You took one glance at Billy before you were on him again, uncaring that your friends were waiting. That’s fine, you thought, let them wait. Let them wait.
Tag List:
@alexxavicry @hallecarey1 @km-ffluv @chiaraxtargaryen @trulylavandedarling @D0wnbad @deliciousfestsalad @lilyevans1 @imagineadream @22carolina08 @definitelynotsugar @casualchaoticdevil @peachy-flxwr @nashja @xshewayout @purple-amaranthe @raajali3 @emiemiemiii @messymissy @mossexe @fictional-hooman @oeuryale @violet-19999 @quackson03 @husherstan @dumb-fawkin-bitch @sweetserendipity65 @americaarse @lazyxsquirrel @anastasianeedstoread @mxxnligxt
#billy russo#billy russo x you#billy russo x reader#billy russo x female reader#billy russo smut#billy russo fluff#billy russo imagine#billy russo the punisher#billy russo fanfiction#ben barnes#the punisher#marvel#marvel smut#marvel fluff#marvel imagine#requested#billy russo angst#billy russo au#billy russo fanfic#amhrosina
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Hey welcome back to my BG3 Hot Takes
While I have your attention, here's a cool site to help Palestine, all you gotta do is click it daily.
This session was inspired by @lipsie, gettin me ttalkin way too much. Yes I am aware that the tadpole changes things, and they have to make it balanced for the game blah blah blah- let a bitch complain.
Screenshots sourced from the Baldur's Gate 3 Wiki
Gale is the only character I feel is spec'd correctly, He's smart but fiuckin stupid, he has autism rizz, mam could not lift any box you asked him to, the only reason his constitution is 13 is because he's been dealing with the Orb and he's used to it by now.
Karlach should start with 20 strength and you CANNOT convince me otherwise, her charisma should be higher also, she's a ball of sunshine and could put the fear of god into anyone, and the line "Gods I wanna ride you til you see stars" will never leave my brain. Give this bitch a 15. She do be a little dumb I'll give you that.
Shadowheart is just funny to me, How can her wisdom be a 17 when she's been cloistered away for so long? Her wisdom is only a 17 in ONE SPECIFIC SUBJECT, a subject where she's forced to give up her memories. Memories are where we get our wisdom. Wisdom is gained through lived experiences, I'd give you the 17 for endgame Shart, but not start of game Shart. I'll take the 8 CHA cause she's a bitch (said with love, me too babe) but she knows enough to get what and where she wants so I think we should nudge it up to like 10.
Lae'zel.... I think it's unfair to put Lae'zel's intelligence at 10. Her wisdom being low, yeah i get that she's been cloistered away in a society that believes its the only way, it's all she knows. But intelligence? No. She might know much about Faeruns culture and people, but she knows EVERYTHING about the stars. And there's far more of that than there will ever be of Faerun. She's the funniest person we know, give her 9 CHA.
Wyll my beloved, do you airbrush those abs on? Do you wake up every morning and contour them? I DON'T BELIEVE YOU DO!!!!!!!!! SO WHO'S THE ASS WHO DECIDED YOUR STRENGHT WAS A FUCKIN 8??????? THE BLADE OF FRONTIERS SHOULD HAVE AT LEAST A 13. He deserve a 15 but I know they won't give it to him. Lipsie and I were talking about him and they're right, WHEN WE DUMP THE BITCH HE SHOULD RESPEC INTO BARD.
Astarion..... oh Astarion.... you're such a disaster. Such a wet cat of a man. Such a pathetic little mew mew. I shit on him a lot, but I do really love his character and development lol. LESS STR MAKE HIM WEAK, he has been starved and living off rats and shame, he can have his measly 8 AFTER he drinks... uh "Thinking" Blood. His CHA being 10 is perfect actually no notes. I personally think his actual INT should be lower, not too much lower, maybe 11/12, I knooooow he was a magistrate, but you can't tell me he's not giving himbo... no what was that word on the meme graph? Himbim? Himbim.
Halsin.......... 10 STR? 10?!?!?!?! You built him LIKE THAT and give him 10 STR?!!?!?!?!?!?!?!? What in the nine hells...... Weaker than Karlach of course, but 10????? Give that man 15 at least 8 INT???????????? 8???????? LARIAN WHY DO YOU HATE HIM???? Is it because he isn't Gale? Mans has been studying the mindflayers on his own, he's been studying the shadow curse... on his own. HE'S A MASTER HEALER?!?!?! AN ARCHDRUID?!?!?!?!?!?!? That takes time, study, and dedication. You wanna assign him himbo so bad. He's just a whole well rounded man with autism,. (Not a dig on himbos, quite literally my favorite genre of Man). This is just 'cause he fucks isn't it.
Minthara she's so much smarter than Larian gives her credit for. While I agree with the WIS, that's more a product of being so closed off, Her INT is much higher. I'd give her a 14? She cunning, just because it's used for Evil deeds doesn't mean she hasn't been she hasn't put a lot of thought into her work. She lived in Menzoberranzan for Gods' sake. She had to be smart or be killed?!? She's said so on multiple occasions! Just because she's Evil aligned doesn't mean she not smart. (She's just as smart as our average Bear according to Larian)
Minsc...... First off let me say that I love that they chose this image. A Bad Bitch. Anyways, anyone who doesn't find that dumb happy face charming is either lying or literally has a stick up their ass.... 12 CHA. Also why is he so weak? I know he isn't like actually weak... but mans chunked that mimic? Let him have 14.
Jaheira I'll give you the 10 STR, she's complained about her knees like three times in my most recent session. 8 INT? So what I'm getting here.... is anyone not an origin character is just baseline 8? Lazy. Especially considering she was ALREADY GIVEN STATS IN TWO PREVIOUS GAMES. In both BG1 and BG2 she has an intelligence of 10, and if anything she's only gotten smarter over time. I wasn't gonna do this... but left is 1 right is 2.
15, 14, 17, 10, 14, 15, and 15, 17, 17, 10, 14, 15
Make it make sense. I know she's old at this point, but in my game she killed Sarevok again so idk man.
Rip me apart in the notes ;)
But do it nicely...
#long post#bg3#baldur's gate 3#not dice#text#lae'zel#shadowheart#gale#wyll#karlach#halsin#minthara#minsc#jaheira#astarion#bg3 spoilers#baldur's gate 3 spoilers
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https://www.tumblr.com/nalyra-dreaming/750916431920676864/hi-nalyra-i-may-be-reading-you-wrong-so-clarify
Regarding my last ask I have a rough idea but you can go ahead and explain
Sure!
So, buckle up ;)
So I just checked but the only true Loumand post I tagged “lol“ on was this one (if I saw that correctly):
Note that "I can SMELL the discourse that will happen already" there.
That is something I anticipate - because, well. Armand... is Armand.
I'll elaborate the (book) canon on that below the cut:
Armand has been a coven master for centuries, in the Children of Satan/Darkness and later as the master at the theater. He was literally tasked to uphold the laws of the vampires and did so as he saw fit. I have talked about them here, note also the difference these laws go through in the books:
Armand does what he sees is best, which does not always align with what others think is best. For example he usually hunts down rogue vampires, "cleaning up" so to speak, which is something that Lestat for example is loathe to do in the later books.
And he canonically influences Louis several time with the mind/spell gift, to make him do something - even after he promised Louis not to do so (here an ask with quotes):
Armand originally is interested in Louis because he is Lestat's ... he literally "imprinted" on Lestat when showed up after his turning, because Lestat reminded him so much of Marius.
Lestat goes to him to plead for Louis' and Claudia's life after Claudia tried to kill him, and Armand, though he did promise he would help Lestat if he asked him to, throws him into a dungeon instead, starves him, and then uses him at the trial against Louis and Claudia.
The trial itself happens because Louis - even deeply infatuated with Armand - decides to leave with Claudia and Madeleine after all. (And of course the coven knows, and insists on the rules.)
Armand uses the spell gift on him as they are taken by the coven to be tried.
Louis is sentenced to be entombed, something the original cult Armand was the leader of did to young vampires - until they're mad or manage to dig themselves out.
Claudia is sentenced to death. Madeleine as well. Later on it is revealed that Armand has a little surgical theater there as well, where he conducts the experiment of chopping off Claudia's head to sew it onto a grown woman's body. But he is unsatisfied with the result and puts Claudia and Madeleine into the sun after.
Armand digs Louis out after a while, and Louis feeds (a lot) and destroys the coven.
He thinks Lestat died there, but actually it is later revealed that Armand throws Lestat off a tower instead, and tells Lestat Louis and Claudia are dead.
Louis goes on, numb, and Armand... tags along, keeping a "veil" between Louis and the world.
Louis stays with Armand, because he has nowhere else to go - and despite knowing that Armand killed Claudia.
He stays until the veil is lifted and Armand finally tells him Lestat did not die.
Armand... is Armand.
We will see the horrific things he can do wrt the Devil's Minion arc with Daniel as well, because Armand hunted Daniel. And the beginning of their relationship was far from cute. I think that will be episode 5.
Also, Armand is not too big on consent. He does what he thinks best.
I reblogged something earlier wrt this as well:
So where does that leave us with the show and wrt my tag? :)
When Armand says he never hurt Louis then he is not lying. But look at their faces after:
That's history, baby.
Because no, Armand does not physically hurt Louis.
But he literally hurts everyone Louis loves in an effort to keep Louis for himself.
He experiments and then kills Claudia (and Madeleine). He hurts Lestat and tells him Louis is dead. He tells Louis Lestat is dead and keeps him under the "veil".
And it will be far from pretty.
#anonymous#ask nalyra#armand#consent#mind gift#spell gift#iwtv s2#iwtv#amc iwtv#interview with the vampire#interview with the vampire s2#amc interview with the vampire#interview with the vampire amc#iwtv amc#louis de pointe du lac#loumand#links#book quotes
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Hello! I love your writing! Could you do a request of Steve Harrington and reader going to a football game and the kiss cam won’t leave them alone so eventually they kiss for the first time?
Kiss her you fool
a/n: im baaackk!! sorry i went MIA for a while, i just had a lot of things going on. i don't know much about football games cause i'm a baseball gal but i imagine it's slightly the same??😭😭i hope you enjoy what my brain came up with! happy reading and credit to the gif owner!
warnings: none! i decided to make this another modern au cause why not lol. no pronouns were used in this story so everyone can read! the title is just from a song and i thought it'd be fitting
Steve watched with excited eyes as you stood up to cheer as your team scored yet another touchdown. He knew what was going on, he just wasn't much of a football guy. Basketball was his favorite sport but he'd sit through a hundred football games if it meant he could see you acting like this.
“Did you see that touchdown, Steve?!”
He lets out a hum, his eyes falling back onto the field as he watches the grown men tackle each other and run to the person who has the ball. His brain tries to recall old memories of his father explaining the rules of football to him, but they're all coming up as a blur. Now, this wasn't his ideal first date but he saw how excited you for at school games so he figured your excitement would be times ten.
He was right. You stand out of your seat shouting curses at the referee as he made a call you and the fans didn't agree with.
“Fuck you, ref! My grandma is blind and could see that shit!”
Steve chuckles as he watches you slump into your seat fixing the hat that was resting on your head. Steve likes you a lot. He likes that you're not as nervous as he is, he admires that. People begin to stand from their seats going to get some more beer and food as the teams got ready for the next quarter.
“Hey, did you want some more food?” he asks you whole digging into his pocket for his card.
You shake your head, your lips leaving the water bottle he got you earlier.
“I'm fine. Hey, thanks for bringing me here by the way! I'm sure you'd rather come with your friends instead.”
Steve chuckles at the thought of him here with his friends. “Yeah, cause Dustin is a huge fan of sports.”
You giggle, gently nudging him with your shoulder. “You know what I mean, but this is an amazing first date!”
His smile gets wide. “Yeah?”
“Definitely! A great game and a cute guy? I'm the luckiest person in the world right now.”
Steve opens his mouth but stops when he hears the crowd start to cheer and clap loudly. His eyes drift to the huge screen displayed for the audience to see and his heart drops as the words kiss cam are flashing on the screen. As much as he'd love to kiss you, it wasn't ideal for him to do it with literally thousands of people watching.
The crowd lets out an awe as the camera pans over to a happy family, the parents kissing the baby’s cheeks causing her to smile and clap.
“I think I'm gonna get us some more food.” he nervously chuckles. He starts to stuff his phone in his pocket when you look over at him.
“Okay, I'll go with you!” you cheer out while standing up.
Steve begins to protest, assuring you that he can get the food himself when you gasp and point at the screen. The two of you are on there for the whole stadium to see and Steve feels like he has a giant target on his back. His face gets hot and he nervously hides his face behind his hands slowly sinking into the chair. You giggle and poke at his chest trying to get his attention back on you.
“Awe Steve! I didn't know you'd be so nervous!”
He shakes his head and peeks from behind his fingers letting out a groan when the camera is still on you two. You laugh and shake your head signaling the camera to find some other random couple.
Steve peeks once again, a sigh of relief leaving his body as the camera shows another couple.
“You know, if you didn't want to kiss me you could've said no.” you tease.
“It's not that I don't want to kiss you, I do. I just...not in front of the whole stadium. I mean, that guy got booed for kissing his girlfriend on the cheek!”
“To be fair, she did lean in for an actual kiss.”
“Yeah, poor girl.” Steve sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “Look, I want to kiss you, I'm just nervous. I really like you and first dates already make me nervous, but a first date with you? I'm surprised it hasn't gone up in flames yet! I mean, sure I accidentally parked in a handicapped spot but that officer was rude for no fucking reason and-”
“Steve,” you said while grabbing his face. “I'm nervous too.”
“You are?” he asked with his cheeks still squished.
“Of course I am! You're Steve Harrington, girls talk a big game when it comes to you.”
His cheeks heat underneath your touch and his eyes are on everything but you.
“‘M not like that anymore. You got the new and improved Steve.”
You hum. “Can new and improved Steve kiss me?”
“Yeah, yeah he can definitely do that.”
Suddenly everyone around you disappears and it's just you and Steve, and god his lips feel so fucking nice on yours. Hearing about how good Steve is at kissing is one thing, but now that you're experiencing it you're happy to say that the rumors are true. Steve Harrington is a damn good kisser. The way his hand holds the back of your neck is so gentle, but the hand that's gripping your hip trying to bring you closer is what makes the butterflies swarm in your tummy.
Steve gets annoyed with the armrest that separates you two and has you faced at a weird angle, so he swiftly moves you from your seat to his lap, smiling when he hears you gasp. You both pull away panting for air with hooded eyes and rosy cheeks.
“Damn, what's a woman gotta do to get kissed like that?” an older woman next to you mumbled to herself. Your eyes widen and you look around you to see everyone’s eyes on you.
“Looks like they got their kiss,” Steve mumbles while pointing at the big screen that has you both on there.
“HELL YEAH MAN! GET ALL ON THAT!” a man shouts while clapping his hands. The crowd starts to cheer and whistle at the two of you while you rush off of his lap and back into your seat. You hide your face in your hands and men cheer for Steve and pat his back or shoulders, and you try your hardest not to laugh when women are asking you if he has an older brother.
Steve turns to you with a bashful smile on his face and clears his throat.
“Look, I really like you. I'm not saying you have to be with me right after this date, we can go as slow as you'd like.”
His eyes fall to his hands, too nervous to look at you any longer.
“If I'm being honest I’d wait for fucking ever if it meant I could call you mine.”
“Keep talking like that Steve and I’ll be yours by the end of this game.” you say with a smile on your face and your hand resting in his. Steve opens his mouth to say something but stops when a high pitched voice interrupts him.
“Ugh, why can't you talk to me like that Harold?!”
“Samantha, I'm trying to watch the game.”
"You always watch the game!"
"God, I need another beer."
You and Steve turn to the arguing couple that sits behind you before you both turn back to each other.
“We should probably go get that food.” Steve said, holding back a chuckle.
“Yeah, yeah we should.”
#steve harrington imagine#steve harrington x reader#steve harrington fluff#steve harrington blurb#steve harrington stranger things#stranger things imagine#stranger things x reader#stranger things fluff#stranger things blurb
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Saw your most recent post and akjcsbakcb I LOVE HIM 😭😭
Also! I was wondering if you have any Jason hurt/comfort fic recs?
nonny, i have so many recs!!! possibly too many lol 🥲 it took a hot second but i narrowed it down to 12! first tho im just gonna recommend everything by @envysparkler (ao3) and @lurkinglurkerwholurks (ao3); ive cried liberally going through their whole works and it's all 👏 so 👏 good 👏👏👏
anyways, onto the rec list! ☀️ these are all batfamily hurt/comfort gen fics centred around jay & his family (usually bruce).
* btw these are in no particular order, and the word count is rounded to the nearest thousand! (ie. 3764 words will be listed as 4k)
If the Sky Comes Falling Down (For You) by lurkinglurkerwholurks | 21k
5 times jay saves his siblings + 1 time they save him. it's got some humour in it but it's also soft and involves the trope of all of them coming to his rescue when he thinks no one will :')
Breathing by lurkinglurkerwholurks | 4k
jay is extremely hurt in this one but he's also the one doing most of the comforting via dark humour while his family freaks out lol. spoiler alert: includes the trope of injury hiding (specifically the one where a character literally holds their guts together lol) so as to not worry anyone further
hellhole by envysparkler | 4k
jason gets caught in an explosion and doesnt know if anyone can hear him call for help bc no one is replying, so he crawls out of the wreckage himself. there is so much angst and it's so good. spoiler alert: ofc they hear him, he just cant hear them. and ofc he narrates everything out loud ;P
grave secrets by envysparkler | 5k
tw suicide attempt. jason decides to return himself to his grave after the joker incident, and starts digging. he is v obviously not in a good headspace; tim shows up to try to stop him, even tho he's still injured from jason attacking him at titans tower. a line that continues to haunt me: “Here Lies Jason Todd,” he recites, and shrugs, “I’m just following directions.”
A Psalm of Grief and Anguish by LeilaSecretSmith (orphan_account) | series: 9k total (4 works)
tw suicide attempt. after jason successfully kills the joker, he realizes there's nothing left for him now that he's achieved what he wants. bruce finds him on a rooftop. (dick, tim and damian are poised for a catch.)
Recollect, re-collect by Ptelea | 94k
jason gets hit with a spell that makes everyone forget about him. the counterspell involves everyone talking about why no one wants to forget him. also heavily about the robin mantle and legacy, so it becomes a very jason & dick family feels fic. my favourite thing about it is that there's this mantra dick teaches his successors: "Robins balance different than Bats."
Stargazer by LemonadeGarden | 48k
jason and bruce go on a road trip cuz they never did that before jay died. there's also a memory jason revisits often throughout the fic of b teaching him constellations and jay feeling safe and the wistfulness and longing surrounding it hurt so much but it's so good. 🥲 this fic makes me ache remembering it.
A GRAVE FILLED WITH BOOKS. by orpheusaki | 5k
sometimes it feels like everyone's grown up and jason's stuck at the age he got murdered. sometimes he doesnt recognize bruce as his dad anymore, with how much jay's death changed him. bruce lost his son, and jason lost his dad, but they still have each other the way they are now. they're still father & son.
World’s Saddest Breakfast Club by motleyfam | 7k
jason's just escaped captivity and needs to eat, so he decides to go to the manor at ass o'clock and cook the lobster that is supposed to be for bruce's bday dinner for himself. his siblings come into the kitchen one by one while he cooks and he cooks for them too. funny, warm, and very food as a metaphor for love.
Aftermath by ivy_and_ivory | 25k
this is a bit more plotty than the rest of them lol. the red hood kills the joker than disappears from gotham. later, batman meets an injured red hood in paris and have to work together for a case. he doesnt know it's jason (yet). this is the fic that made me really understand what bruce means when he says "if i start killing then i cant stop."
life, if well lived by CaptainOzone | 11k
jason accidentally time travels and meets thomas and martha wayne on what turns out to be The Day. jay'a full of complicated feelings about bruce, but at the end of the day, jay's still his son (and those are his grand-parents).
Both Ends of the Candle by Lunette3002 | 5k
jason's been overworking himself and his brothers stop by his apartment to tell him to slow down. ends in couch cuddles. 🥰
there ya go, anon! hope u enjoy :)))
#rei replies#fic recs#jason todd#batfamily#i made the spoiler alerts purple just for steph :'))) and bc it's more effective in another colour lol#jay's my second most bookmarked character on ao3 lol. literally hundreds of fics bookmarked. almost a whole thousand.#second only to bruce bc i spent a good portion of 2020 marathoning superbat fics haha
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@aaaaaaaaaatlas your tags on my last evrart analysis post got me thinking SO MUCH that rather than adding onto that thread i just had to make a whole new post to discuss my thoughts
because it's something i hadn't thought much about recently but you're SO RIGHT? my initial playthrough i like most others was afflicted with chronic "don't want to let kim down disease" so while i DID see evrart's storyline fully through because i was like "i don't want to miss out on things?? i need to get my gun???" i did so pretty reluctantly while not trusting him at all & that was pretty much because of kim. actually finishing the first playthrough & viewing evrart on a different lens because of that made me read him totally different on second and third go arounds though & having a few evrart posts circulating i've seen several tags along the lines of "didn't know any of this, i kept him at arms length because of kim/never finsihed any of his tasks bcus kim didn't like it" & it's SO interesting to dig into.
i think part of it has to do with how on a first playthrough where you aren't familiar with evrart & where his motivation really comes from, on top of him being clearly generally manipulative it's SO apparent that he's manipulating harry. & i feel like this is something that kim sees through just as much as us players. i think this manipulation shows through a lot in evrart's constant.. "favoritism" is the only way i can think to phrase it. towards harry. it comes out a lot in dialogue trees around the folder but several other times as well. a few moments that highlight what i mean wrt both manipulating harry specifically & evrart's general interactions with kim:
the impression i get around how evrart acts with kim is that he knows harry is more vulnerable due to his amnesia and thus an easier target, more useful to play the part he needs in his whole game. i mean he has this dead body on his hands, has already figured out how he's going to use this situation to his advantage to start a war with wild pines, and when the rcm officers come to investigate the murder one of them has literally no memories? what could be a better opportunity than that! it's also very telling how evrart immediately jumps to acting like he & harry are already such close friends, like to the point where on my first playthrough i was genuinely thinking for a bit "have we met this guy before the amnesia?". bearing that in mind it only makes sense that he would try to dismiss or ignore kim whenever possible to bring everything back around to harry. and again i feel kim very much picks up on this.
(kind of an aside but i thought it was interesting to note that if you search for all times "kitsuragi" is said by evrart, the only time he calls him "lieutenant kitsuragi" rather than "mr kitsuragi" (aside from the "you too lieutenant" above) seems to be when kim wasn't actually present:)
anyways on to flip side, how kim discusses evrart:
even before the initial meeting kim is already distrustful of him, which i mean makes sense considering evrart's reputation. kind of running out of brain juice to comment more insightfully on this side of things LOL so i'll just leave these here.
#this got longer than i thought it would and i ran out of steam by the time id gathered the kim screenshots lol!!!#disco elysium#de#evrart claire#kim kitsuragi#texticles
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(hi this is aroaceleovaldez it's a sideblog so i cant send asks from it hrg) a.) always love seeing your tags on my posts lol you have very good opinions [handshake emoji] b.) i'll be honest i wasn't even thinking about the awful pjo wwii stuff when i made that post i was thinking about the new, *different* antisemitism from TOA. of which there is. even more somehow. 😬
also fun fact Rick saying Reyna is allo-ace-coded on twitter might have actually semi been directly because of me, because he said that within like 2 hours and 2 tweets of replying to an open letter i wrote where i literally said that the way he wrote Reyna in Tyrant's Tomb falls into aphobic tropes and Isn't Great. despite replying to it i dont think he actually read it, lol. he then almost immediately left twitter for like 4 years and he also has since deleted his reply. fascinating stuff, truly.
anyways please excuse me digging through your hazel tag cause i am constantly dying trying to find hazel-focused fanart and you have one of the few good hazel tags i've been able to find. picture me scurrying away like some sort of small creature here.
hi thank u!! i appreciate your posts abt disabilities/ableism especially bc it's such an integral part of the story and a lens that gets lost despite that
i'll be honest, i haven't read toa (only short snippets when i want to see a specific scene), so i just read this article abt it, and it's frustrating that almost every example of diversity rick includes is riddled w harmful stereotypes. like, google is right there to help you avoid at least some! (psa to anyone else reading this, google "harmful [x] stereotypes" before making a character you're unfamiliar with!) the wwii stuff...rereading the series again like two years ago shocked me bc i had completely erased the entire plotline from my memory as a kid. some of these choices have me questioning the editors at the time, bc there were definitely things an editor should've pointed out if they were reading the full text.
your power! lmao but that behavior is exactly what makes it so difficult to give rick real feedback. i know some fans claim the older fandom is too cynical, but if we've been trying to give the same advice for years it's going to get old fast. every good change is accompanied by something else (especially noticeable in how percy is treated), so it always feels double-edged. but i'm glad you said this actually bc i didn't know he specified allo-ace! i had assumed he said aro-ace, but that actually makes the way ppl behave abt lesbians identifying w reyna more alarming...regardless i'm glad he's including ace rep bc it's rare, but the way reyna and the hunters were handled is...confusing at best.
please enjoy! i love hazel sm and i recently just went thru someone else's blog and queued a bunch of posts in a very similar fashion lol
#yeah i'm a fraud i haven't finished boo and the only thing past boo i've read is cotg#and that's bc it's short and i got it for free thank u elías :3#also i didn't know rick left twitter for four years that is so funny LMAO#i can't imagine being on twitter as someone famous tho i get stressed enough w this blog#anyway it is very frustrating when aro/ace identities get erased in favor of shipping so i definitely understand why ppl are#so defensive over reyna/the hunters but. still not a great situation here#ending this now bc i'm rambling#rr crit#answered
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the thing about liking an almost 30 year old show is I'm not sure as much about what went on behind the scenes. and a significant part of that is how awesome it was that the fans were just more separate from creators then, like there was no social media and junk for us to to badger them on about things. but the from their side there wasnt a place they could just dump shit on us for fun. things were told through dvd commentaries and magazines published back then or panels and stuff at conventions or even TV specials and those are all very... ephemeral. like I'm sure its all recorded somewhere but it takes a little more digging and hoping fan websites have the info. and thats doable I'm not asking anyone to help me with that btw i just havent done it yet cause i wanna get thru the show first or I'll have one billion spoilers from not being able to stop reading.
but i think the biggest thing for me rn on stargate is, again i watched atlantis first. and that started in and branched off of like season 8 of sg1. so i know a lot about The Ancients, since they were a big player in SGA, and every time something tangenally related to them comes up in SG1 i get super excited and wave my arms and jump up and down for Daniels attention cause i want him to discover Atlantis so bad. im so excited for him and oh god he has his earpods in he cant hear me-
anyways. connecting these two points..... i have to wonder watching things progress how much they planned ahead. how much did they set up like "... yeah we'll decide to make something of that later" and how much of it was "oh dude the fans are gonna FLIP when we make this reveal in two seasons" you know????? i can listen to stuff about gravity falls when hirch and co talk about how they had no idea where they were going. they were like "well he has a twin somewhere. for some reason. and hes..... well hes there." and they literally came up with the everything on the fly. and then even in Gargoyles, which is old like stargate too, i read apparently the writers called each other once like "WAIT HEY THIS CHARACTER FROM THE VERY BEGINNING FIRST EPISODE? HOLY SHIT WHAT IF HE WAS THIS GUY-" sort of twist like.... way into the show lol
was that what was going on with The Ancients? and their whole..... ascended business? Orlin in this episode was very interesting cause i definitely recognized Oma D from a while back as an ancient, so i was glad Sam compared Orlin to her, but this was the first time theyre REALLY like "yup, that monk and myths of the jaffa werent just talk. this ascension biz is for real and a bigger deal than you thought" BUT! they still havent really connected it to the ancients. at all. i dont think daniel even said the writing on the machine Orlin helped build was ancient, and it didn't look like it, but then like.... Orlin also just said he was Human.
and was that true? WAS he human? humans can ascended, sure. but he also made a freakin stargate. in sam's basement. (Obadiah Stane voice) WITH A BUNCH OF SCRAPS!
... he already was the cause of death for people he cared about once for giving away too much information, i wouldnt be surprised if he lied about being human. but also wouldnt be surprised if the writers were like..... unsure and didnt care cause it doesnt matter lmao they were just vibing. you know. idk im sure Orlin and even Oma will get brought up AGAIN later, im only in the beginnings of season 5 after all and know some spoilers that the ascension thing ans ancients become a big deal later but. yeah its just interesting. i like picking apart creators minds for their stories and its just not possible in the same way on such an old show. even if i could ask them, they'd be having to recall through decades of memories that change as they have over the years. and that provides an interesting color on things as well but... its not the same as knowing what they were thinking back then.
#ALSO? immediately next episode after orlin. another fucking alien species. that'll never come up again. what did i say#milky way's lousy with aliens. he was weird lookin and cg even not just a human with a funny makeup. good grief. anyways#my posts#stargate
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Alright I need to destress AND kickstart my memory of nnt so! Gonna do a rewatch and write out some thoughts (inspired by @spacehostilityy and their rewatch posts, go check 'em out! 💜)
Gonna be using the tag #amber rewatches nnt btw ^^
Also might talk about Eternal a bit idk yet but keep in mind the rewatch is also to help me write that 😅 also also doing each post by episode because I ramble far too much at every little thing.
Enjoy the rambles!
Masterpost
Episode 1
Honest to god forgot about those flying sting ray things, and especially forgot they're one of the first things we see in the show!
The art? For the opening sequence?? Is so cool????
Like those things that can shapeshift in the forest Diane hides in are in there? And MAYBE Gerheade? Idk about her but one of the fairies look a LOT like her/has a dress very similar to the one we see her wear AND she's bigger than the other fairies
And are there any demons with feathered wings besides the blue bird like things? Because if not there's an armored character with wings like the goddesses (who only have 1 pair of wings in the art) on the DEMON side. Probably just digging into this too deep, but it'd be REALLY cool if that was foreshadowing Estarossa/Mael
I really wish Elizabeth had muscles and wasn't CONSTANTLY portrayed as being physically pretty weak (at least that's how it comes across to me - in fights she's constantly told to run/is never given any chance TO fight physically). Because she literally can't be?
Like Elizabeth has been walking REAL FAR in that armor and it is DEFINITELY not light. Do you know the strength she'd have to have to move that? She also slumps in it and her footsteps are slow/small so it IS weighing her down but the fact that she can move in it as far as she has - and probably up and down hills too without falling - is impressive
Anyway reminder to myself to show Elizabeth being physically strong in my fics from now on. This is canon now and no one can fight me.
Also the shot of Elizabeth on the hill in the armor with the sun glaring through?? It's such a gorgeous shot??????
Meliodas may be a shit cook but damn is he a pretty good server
Like mans got the entire tavern full and he's serving it basically alone cause Hawk cleans the scraps doesn't serve people booze and every customer is pretty happy and having fun (until they have the food lol)
I FORGOT HAWKS TAG SAID STAR BOAR AAAAASJDJFJDHF
Wonder at which point in time the whole telling your children "if you keep misbehaving one of the seven deadly sins will come for you in armor that's rusty from blood" because it HAD to be in the past 10 years, right? Unless people were saying that while they were still respected holy knights in which case,,,, ooof
But I'd assume a little after Zaratras was first killed
But also I wouldn't put it past this dude maybe coming up with it to scare his children lol he seems like a tired dad type
And here comes all the parts I hate
The groping and sexualization
Elizabeth is like. Fucking 16. And Meliodas DEFINITELY knows that. And just. Ugh
I do like Elizabeth in this color tho- the dark blue really suits her! It's why her uniform post-Meliodas' death is my favorite of all her outfits
How many talking pigs are there in Britannia??? Because Hawk's from purgatory and I figured THAT was why he could talk
And many other people get super confused/shocked by Hawk talking so it can't be common
When Elizabeth said with the most dejected face "no" after he asked if her father got her a talking pig Meliodas looked momentarily like "that bitch."
Let's be real he would've totally gotten her a talking pig somehow
Then he instant switches the conversation to try making her feel better 💜💜💜💜
I'm sorry, the order of WHAT?
"the Order of the Beard of the Mountain Cat"
Is this a translation error? Because if not... I have found my new favorite order and I am no longer worried about naming things in my own stories with ridiculous things
(also btw I watch in Japanese with English subs)
Wonder how the Boar Hat got so popular in this town in a matter of days. Like the booze is good sure but how tf did people find that out and who was the first person courageous enough to go poking around
Yknow. I'm surprised they didn't believe Hawk was the rust knight. I mean, the people who reported it had to be drunk right? Who's to say they weren't so drunk they mistook a pig in armor as the rust knight?
Damn Elizabeth is pretty agile! She's running across roots and jumping over things pretty efficiently!
Like as clumsy as she is, she still got some skills that they NEVER UTILIZE!
Also YOU CAN SEE THE FRAME MELIODAS GRABS HER AND JUMPS WITH HER I- HOW DID I NEVER CATCH THAT???!!
THAT SONG IN THE BG UUGGHHGHGHG
THIS ONE. I LOVE THIS SONG SO MUCH. MY HEART.
I forget if we go over how Hawk and Meliodas met/how far we go into their backstory
Like is he in on Meliodas being a Sin/previous Holy Knight or does he really just not know? (because there's no way Meliodas isn't at least a little wary of Holy Knights himself, hiding for 10 years no matter how in plain sight he is)
I mean. Elizabeth. Sweetheart. Your dad IS laid up in bed sick. It just so happens that the holy knights ALSO arrested the rest of your family and refuse to get your dad help (I think? Cause Merlin has to magically treat the king for his illness later and I assume the holy knights would be wary of letting a doctor treat him. Maybe Vivian was treating him?)
Unless Elizabeth didn't know her father was sick. In which case. Oooooooof. What a reunion later if that's true
Meliodas 🤝 Zuko : "That's rough buddy"
I forget what crime Merlin committed, because Elizabeth says the Sins are "composed of seven terrible criminals" unless she's not actually a criminal when they formed at least
Ahhh that's right, Elizabeth probably wouldn't remember the sins well because they had to leave when she was 6-
Although I wonder if Meliodas also tried to make himself scarce around her once she got to the age where she would retain memories better to avoid the curse activating somehow? Because I have a shit memory but most people do tend to remember things, even vaguely, from the ages 3-6 (my friends and I all have our earliest memory around 2-3)
Meliodas stiff as a board falling when Twigo attacked lmao-
It does make me happy to see some knights in Britannia, even if they're not Holy Knights, try to confront Holy Knights. Sure they backtrack but like, who wouldn't in the face of that power?
Twigo got awesome eyesight to see Elizabeth's earring from that far, nevermind it's DESIGN. Like damn I got 20/20 vision but I doubt I'd ever SPOT that
I was gonna say how tf did Allioni realize it was Meliodas/how would he see Meliodas' tattoo but going back his shirt was already ripped in that general area so! Continuity win!
He be shitting his pants too lol man was holding the most dangerous Sin up and yelling in his face, and he's SEEN what the sins can do
Wonder if he retired after this. I wouldn't blame him
PERFECT TIME KICKING IN WOOOOOOO
Also Twigo recognizes his face? And says "how can you look exactly the same as you did that day" Was he the old guard that showed Allioni the Sins' carnage? Or was he a Holy Knight that survived that attack?
I guess he also could've just been an apprentice Holy Knight too that recognized him but asking that question to me hints that Twigo tried fighting the Sins with everyone else
Netsujou no Spectrum is such a great song too. The NNT soundtrack is amazing
Is the tavern a recent development for Meliodas??? What was he up to before getting the tavern but after going into hiding?
This also brings up how I really don't remember what time in his backstory he meets Hawk. I just remember they met in jail
This town is in the boonies Twigo how long do you expect this trio to wait until you can not only get a message to the capital, but receive reinforcements??
Mama Hawk best murderer
Oh nvm she missed :/
"Was our meeting chance or Providence?" man I wish I could say for sure it was chance and she got damn lucky (it'd be cool imo to explore how things would've gone if she'd found one of the others first) but. With the curse and all... There's a VERY good chance it was Providence
"I hope it's a real one this time" - Gilthunder
Okay so... When does he get in contact with King then? I'm pretty sure we SEE them interact around Ban escaping Baste but like. Gilthunder would have to know that's where King was before that. When do the Holy Knights find and make a deal with King?
And that's my thoughts going through Episode One!
Don't know how often I'm gonna do these, maybe after Wednesday I'll do a lot more? Idk we'll see
If you made it this far, you're awesome! Lmk who your favorite character is and I'll do a quick drawing of them for you if you want 💜
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honestly guys.. how can you say that about her especially given the last month? Now, i know you guys can’t stand her but try to be honest / this and the rest of your ask are complete bullshit. The only reason why this woman isn’t posting or doing anything publicly is because she was called out pretty badly early in the summer. She is LUCKY that she isn’t widely known because if someone like J.Lo or whomever else had had such an embarrassing series of events take place, she’d be the laughing stock of the season.
May: Very obviously forced lunch with Lily James. Came right on the tail of Seb being spotted out with only Lily a week prior. White-knuckling Sebastian’s hand. Staring at the camera. He shakes shit up by starting a fight to embarrass her (love me some Leo spite 😂).
June: Honestly nothing I can care to dig through my memory for until the end of the month. We catch her STALKING Seb on the fashion show livestream. Big yikes. People on Twitter are like “lol she’s crazy.” THEN she shows up in Malta and we get unretouched pics of her there. Her face is literally frozen and we see what she actually looks like. Embarrassing. Fire your injector.
July: She gets desperate. The first week of the month is hilariously messy. NEEDS to let us know she’s at Benz’s house for the 4th after Sebastian is spotted talking to EmRata in Paris. Pap walk on the 5th. Photos show up mysteriously on tumblr in the wee hours of the morning on the 6th and then disappear. ZERO trace of them on the internet until around 10 AM, EST. The photos are…weird. He lets her hold in pinky for about five seconds before he yanks it away and she has to make it look like she pulled away to point to something. They have a chaperone with them, yet again. Sebastian looks so angry and mean that it’s actually uncomfortable to look at. That same day she posts three photos from Malta on Insta, and is CALLED OUT in the comments when she tries to say “I’m actually quite shy.” She gets so embarrassed that she deletes the entire comment thread.
July, cont’d: LOL this is great because we’re barely two weeks into the month and sis has been served a massive helping of Get Fucked every day 😂 DM has Enty on her Podcast and he obliterates her without stuttering once. Confirms that she’s a gf for hire, extremely opportunistic, etc. Also says they’re PR. THE FOLLOWING WEEK! DM talks about them again, saying that Annabelle had mutual friends set them up and he set major boundaries from the beginning. They (probably he, let’s be real) don’t even consider each other boyfriend and girlfriend. Annabelle goes radio silent for a week. Shows up at one of Anastasia’s, like, five PR dinners the following week. It’s such an obvious attempt at damage control that nobody gives a fuck.
A cruel, cruel summer for her, indeed. It’s not that she wants to hide. She’s probably been advised to hide.
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Evangelion: You Can (Not) Marathon — (Part 2)
Neon Genesis Evangelion, “Episode 2: Unfamiliar Ceiling/THE BEAST”
Continuing my Evangelion re-watch marathon with NGE, "Episode 2: Unfamiliar Ceiling/THE BEAST"! For my thoughts on the previous episode, click the link to the post below:
With that out of the way, let's dig in!
Lol! I love the way Sachiel picks up Evangelion Unit-01 after Shinji causes the mecha to trip! I bet the Angel is thinking to itself, “What the heck is this thing?! It’s not like those planes, missiles & bombs I dispatched earlier, but it’s clearly a threat! Arm go breaky-breaky and laser beam go through eye socket!”
Joking aside though, this scene further emphasizes my personal frustration with the bad-faith criticisms levied by the "Get in the EVA Shinji" crowd. Like... did people seriously expect Shinji to be perfectly efficent at operating a giant robot he had never even heard of before until literally less than an hour earlier, let alone utilizing it to fight and kill an approximately 40 to 95 meter tall world-destroying alien monstrosity?
The fact that Shinji immediately stumbles and trips during his first attempt to try and simply make the EVA walk, along with him being completely paralyzed with fear as the Angel stares down at him is honestly an incredibly believable reaction on his part! I know I'd certainly react the exact same way Shinji does here!
Also, the injuries that Shinji immediately sustains from Sachiel are definitely uncomfortable to witness as a viewer! Not only does Sachiel snap EVA Unit-01's left arm like a twig (simultaneously breaking Shinji's arm in the process since his nervous system is directly bonded with the EVA's), but the Angel then fires multiple laser blasts directly into Unit-01's right eye sockets, causing twin-streams of blood to shoot-out from both sides of the mecha's head!
Like... YIKES! The fact that Shinji ultimately survives this encounter without suffering permanent brain damage, but just short-term memory loss, is truly an astonishing miracle! Speaking of which...
Full disclosure, I remember being annoyed when I first watched this episode and it suddenly cut to Shinji waking up in the hospital the next day after being knocked out by Sachiel, implying that the entire fight happened off screen. However, after finishing watching this episode for the first time several years ago, I realized just how brilliant this move was on Anno’s part considering what we later learned happened during the fight towards the end of the episode.
Also, Shinji's first words upon waking up are, "An unfamiliar ceiling!" Title drop! Lol!
Oh boy! Our first scene of Gendo meeting with his higher-ups, the Human Instrumentality Committee, aka, our official introduction to the mysterious SEELE organization which oversee’s NERV!
Out of curiousity, I wonder if one of these guys is actually Shinji’s grandfather since his mother, Yui Ikari, later states in the flashbacks from Episode 21 that she’s the daughter of a high-ranking SEELE member, and the Committee is supposed to be SEELE’s inner council.
According to the official "EvaGeeks Wiki" though, while the Human Instrumentailty Committee's leader, Keel Lorenz, is from Germany, the unnamed yellow member is French, the blue guy is Russian, the green guy is American, and the red guy is British.
So does that mean Yui is of mixed-ethnicity? If so, that's cool!
Speaking of Chairman Keel though, here's some interesting behind-the-scenes trivia regarding the name of SEELE's enigmatic leader! In addition to "Keel" being derrived from the literal ship part (specifically the central lower spine of a watercraft's hull), the name "Lorenz" is a reference to the renowned Austrian zoologist and child psychologist Konrad Lorenz, whom in 2015 had his 1973 Nobel Prize in Medicine posthemusly revoked due to his historical affiliations with Nazi Germany (originally, Keel was actually intended to be the real-life Konrad Lorenz in the show itself).
While Hideaki Anno & crew likely chose the name as a subtle reference to the historical figure who popularized the psychological theory of "imprinting" in the field of childhood development (which makes sense considering how integral themes of teenage psychology & motherhood are to EVA's overarching narrative), the fact that Keel Lorenz is also named after an individual with literal Nazi ties is also fitting considering that as antagonists SEELE is a quasi-fascistic doomsday cult.
But I'll discuss more about that when the Human Instrumentality Committee true identity is eventually revealed in Episode 14!
Also, I don’t know why but the yellow French SEELE member always reminded me of the Vulture from Spider-Man. I think it’s the combination of the beak-like nose, the hunched back, and the elderly appearance (minus the hair and glasses of course...). And he’s not the only SEELE member who’s apparently a Marvel Comics cosplayer considering that Keel Lorenz is wearing a similar visor to Cyclops from X-Men. Although the blue Russian member seems to be a DC Comics cosplayer considering he looks an awful lot like the Penguin from Batman.
So basically the members of SEELE are all secretly Marvel & DC comic book fans! Lol!
Dang! The fact that even before the Angel's officially returned with Sachiel's attack on Tokyo-3, Gendo already had enough power and influence within the Japanese government to authorize a media-blackout for the rest of the country and entire world regarding the existence of the Angels is pretty impressive!
Seeing as NERV is a branch of SEELE which has ties to the United Nations, I'm guessing that the Human Instruementality Committee sent the Japanese Prime Minister a pretty convincing letter of reccomendation on Gendo's behalf!
Also, that closing exchange between Keel & Gendo is so FREAKING iconic!
Keel Lorenz: "Ikari, you do know that there can be no turning back."
Gendo Ikari: "I know. Mankind has no time left."
Chills! Absolute chills everytime I hear it! Keel & Gendo's respective English VA's, Richard Peeples & Tristan MacAvery, are absolutely on point in this scene!
I really love the white & blue-tinted lighting of the hospital where he encounters an injured Rei again after waking up! It really establishes the ambigous and uncomfortable tone of their initial relationship!
While Misato's comment, "Man, air conditioning's the greatest thing. Man's triumph over nature," is funny on a surface-level, it simultaneously foreshadows another major reoccuring theme interwoven into EVA's narrative: the arrogance and hubris behind humanity's over-reliance on technology!
But I'll discuss those themes more in-depth when they become increasingly notable from Episode 11 onwards!
Lol! Even when being empathetic Ritsuko still can't help but continue being the scientist as usual: "Poor little kid. His cerebelum must have taken a lot of stress."
Double lol! Even Misato recognizes her friend's detatched demeanor: "Cerebellum? Don't you mean his heart?"
I honestly don't think voice actress Sue Ulu is given enough credit for her performance as Ritsuko in the original ADV Dub. She's incredibly effective at conveying Ritsuko's rational & analytical personality!
Oh boy... even though Shinji suffered short-term memory loss from Sachiel's laser blasts, he still has lingering subconcious memories of the injuries he sustained slowly bubbling back towards the surface, as demonstrated by him staring at his now-healed left arm with confusion & fear...
More effective mood-lighting on display when Misato' meets Shinji alone in the waiting room of NERV's infirmary, as both the characters and enviornment are completely obscured in shadows caused by the contrasting sunlight of the room's large exterior windows. It effectively symbolizes both Shinji & Misato wandering into the unknown as the two become more closely aquainted with each other!
Man oh man, the scene where Shinji & Misato accidentally encounter Gendo while trying to get on the elevator is absolutely brilliant in how so much information is conveyed here through facial expressions instead of dialogue! Shinji expects praise from his father for defeating the Angel.
Even though Shinji’s memory of how exactly it happened is foggy, he thinks he was still of some use to his father like he always wanted. And yet... Gendo has absolutely nothing to say to him, just staring coldly and blankly, further feeding into Shinji’s sense of isolation & self-loathing!
So many emotions are conveyed in such a short space of screentime without any dialogue whatsoever!
And all Misato can do is watch & grow increasingly concerned for Shinji’s well being. I do also love how quickly Misato catches onto Shinji’s struggles, as she deals with the exact same crap despite being more outgoing and carefree personality-wise than him. Which is part of why she decides to let him live at her apartment instead of alone where he can wallow in self-loathing.
Still, we also get some insight into Misato’s complicated struggles with sexuality versus motherhood derived from her Elektra Complex through her offhanded joke, “It’s not like I’m going to be making any ‘passes’ at [Shinji],” which absolutely enrages Ritsuko over the phone.
I love how when Shinji can’t help but feel further distressed after hearing random bystanders at the grocery store talk about Tokyo-3 being turned into a battle ground without even once mentioning Shinji's name or acknowledging his involvement, Misato takes Shinji to witness Tokyo-3’s skyscrapers rising up from below the GeoFront to show him the city he helped protect in an effort to validate his usefulness and worth as an EVA pilot.
As gorgeous as this scene is though, considering the sheer amount of Freudian symbolism that’s littered all throughout NGE, when I see those skyscrapers rising upward I can’t help but wonder if this was meant to be yet another example of psychosexual imagery.
Spike Spencer does a great job at capturing Shinji's feelings of awkward hesitance and unsure relief as he takes his first step into Misato's apartment and says, "I'm home," to which an overly cheery Misato replies, "Welcome home."
Also, keep this exchange in the back of your minds since it will later become thematically relevant in Episode 4!
Lol! It’s such a wild contrast seeing just how professional and composed Misato is while working at NERV, as opposed to how wild & messy her home life is. In addition to her apartment floors being littered with garbage bags, dirty dishes, and mountains of used & unused Yebisu beer cans (which is apparently a real-life Japanese alcohol brand...), Misato essentially acts like an immature college student within the privacy of her home, wearning nothing but tank-tops and short-shorts while drinking gallons of alcohol & having insta-ramen for dinner!
Yeesh... I just came to an uncomfortable realization here! Misato's home life is basically just like how I personally used to live back in college! Albiet... I never wore short-shorts nor drank beer (seriously, I think all alcohol tastes TERRIBLE!)...
That's honestly one of the more powerful elements of EVA's characters. They are disturbingly relatable and force you to interrogate aspects of yourself that you're sometimes uncomfortable acknowledging. Even during light-hearted and comedic scenes like Shinji & Misato's ramen & beer dinner conversation, NGE's maintains its well-deserved status as a phenomenal treatise on the human condition!
Lol! I always laugh so hard when an annoyed Misato snaps at Shinji's shyness: "WHAT?! ARE YOU FINICKY?!"
God bless Allison Keith! Her performance as Misato is an absolute treasure!
Also, some of the first indications of Shinji's struggles with his developing sexuality as he can't help but stare at Misato's breasts when she leans over the table and gets directly in his face during her aforementioned outburst!
Aww... poor Shinji really got the short end of the stick by being relegated to daily chores for 5 to 6 days of the week after losing several rounds of rock-paper-scissors with Misato.
Also, I once again find myself uncomfortably relating to Misato here since I too can unfortunately be incredibly lazy when it comes to household chores...
Also also, we get some more allusions to Misato's Elektra Complex with her joking, “This is your home, so feel free to take advantage of everything you want, except of course me that is!”
We’ll learn later in the series that due to her traumatic past as a survivor of Second Impact and her strained relationship with her deceased father, Misato spent her entire adolescence catatonic and began actively pursuing sexual relationships during college in order to fill in that empty void in her heart. In particular, men who subconsciously remind her of her late father such as her ex-boyfriend Ryoji Kaji...
In essence, Misato is a person who greatly struggles with developing meaningful relationships with others due to the ghosts of her past, and relies primarily on physical connections and innuendos in order to communicate her true feelings, while also subconsciously wanting to drive others away from her due to her internalized self-loathing.
We also see more of Misato's character flaws as she continues to belittle Shinji's anxiety by angrily grabbing his hair and shouting, "Yes, yes yes. Is that all you can say? It's getting on my nerves! You're a boy! Act like one!"
Yeah... similar to how Shinji has deep-seated issues with women and sexuality, Misato has some toxic and borderline patriarchal expectations concerning the behavior of men. Misato truly is just an older version of Shinji!
On the subject of Shinji's issues with women, we see his obvious discomfort at the sight of Misato's bras & panties hanging on the clothes chandeliers as he prepares to take a bath before panicking at the sight of a literal penguin inside the bathroom. This especially feels like subtle groundwork being laid for Shinji's more overtly misogynistic attitudes in The End of Evangelion?
Speaking of that penguin inside the bathroom though...
Lol! The introduction to Evangleion's official mascot, Pen Pen, accompanied by the classic gag of a terrified & naked Shinji running back to Misato where she has a strategically placed beer can in front of a smaller toothpick jar on the kitchen table to censor his crotch!
Even after all these years, this gag NEVER... EVER ever gets old! I think the reason why this joke is so famous and fondly remembered by EVA fans is because aside from the obvious absurdity of a literal penguin inside an apartment building as well as the strategically placed objects, Shinji's reaction is incredibly realistic & relatable (I know I'd probably have a very similar reaction if I saw a random wild animal in of my shower). Plus, Shinji's embarassed realization to Misato asksing, "Umm... why don't you cover up," with his face turning red and him awkwardly shuffling back to the bathtub further sells the relatablility of the gag!
Studio Khara would repeat this joke in the Evangelion Rebuild 2.22, but instead replaced Shinji with Asuka. Consequently, the scene in the Rebuild feels a lot more like uncomfortable male-gazey fan-service (rather than the slap-sticky humorous tone of the original scene with Shinji), especially since Shinji's also in the room with Misato when Asuka panics at the sight of Pen Pen, thereby leading to him getting kicked in the face by Asuka while the camera has her butt visible in the frame during said-kick.
Yeah... based on everything I've seen and heard, gratuitous and "comedic" fan-service is a major flaw with the Rebuild movies, whereas the original NGE either avoided or actively subverted typical anime fan-service tropes in order to further flesh out its characters.
Also, I love that subdued head-tilt Pen Pen gives Shinji as he walks into his personal automated refrigerator! Pen Pen be like: "What's the matter kid? Ain't ya never seen a warm-water penguin before?"
Also also, as you might have noticed in the upper-right image above, it's here that I feel is an appropriate time to introduce everyone to the official "Pen Pen Censor" sticker, which will definitely be appearing A LOT throughout this marathon (in order to meet Tumblr community guidelines) due to EVA's extensive coverage of themes regarding sex & sexuality.
On the subject of Pen Pen himself, however, while its never outright confirmed in the anime exactly Misato how got her hands on a unique species of "hot-springs penguin" as a household pet, but in the official manga adaptation written & illustrated by the series' lead character designer, Yoshiyuki Sadamoto, it's eventually revealed that Pen Pen was actually an experimental lab animal from a company Misato was originally employed by before joining NERV. Feeling lonely and isolated in her home life, Misato took sympathy on Pen Pen and brought him home with her before he could be euthanized.
While the absence of Pen Pen's backstory's doesn't negatively impact the anime's quality at all, there is a part of me that does still wish it had been included since it further conveys the inherently selfish desires underlying Misato's desicion to invite Shinji to be her roommate. Just like Pen Pen, while she related to and sympathized with the "useless, greedy [bird's]" situation, Misato was also simply seeking companionship to help fill the void in her own heart.
The fact that Misato did not adopt Shinji for purely altruistic reasons serves as a major thematic element of her characterization, and invites the viewer to question whether or not Misato legitimately views Shinji as the son/brother that she never had, or merely perceives him like a pet to be coddled & objectified just like Pen Pen.
So... that "Shinji's lovely suite" sign that Misato taped onto Shinji's bedroom door. This defintiely seems to lean into the argument of Misato treating Shinji more like a pet than a roommate.
I know that all the infamous budget issues with Episodes 25 & 26 were totally unplanned, but the fact that the music tracks Shinji is repeatedly listening to on his radio are tracks 25 & 26 feels like it should not be a coincidence! It’s giving me some serious Grant Morrison vibes of back when they had the issue focusing on an older Damian Wayne fighting the satanic Third Ghost of Batman take place in Batman (1940) #666!
While Ritsuko seemed pretty cold in contrast to Misato back during Episode 1, I love how when she’s alone with Gendo here discussing the progress of Rei's recovery from the failed EVA Unit-00 activation test, she can’t help but express her own concerns about forcing literal 14-year-olds to pilot giant robots and fight alien gods.
Also... more EPIC FORESHADOWING with the panning shot of a half-frozen inactive EVA Unit-00 punching the window of a disused control room! This not only effectively builds-up towards the flashback later in Episode 5 concerning Rei's injuries, but is also thematically relevant to this episode's climatic flashback with EVA Unit-01 vs. Sachiel as well!
I love the intentional contrasting of Misato's earlier words about "Bathing [cleaning] the mind and soul," against her feeling guilty for "thinking of Shinji as a tool" in both her work & home lives while bathing.
I guess Shinji's thoughts, "Bad memories always [seeming] to find [him] in the bath," also apply to Misato...
Returning to Shinji though, this shot of him staring up at "another unfamiliar ceiling" while wearing his headphones as a form of escapism to ease his feelings of anxiety is so FREAKING iconic!
Honestly, as an autistic person who struggles with obsessive-compulsive disorder & anxiety who spends an awful lot of time wearing headphones to listen to YouTube and distract myself from both external and internal pressures of the world, I totally relate to Shinji here!
Furthermore, we get the return of the titular "unfamiliar ceiling" motif that Shinji referenced earlier in the episode when he first woke up in the NERV infirmary. The website Wrong Every Time did a far better job at explaining the significance behind that title & imagery in their review of Episode 2 than I possibly ever could! Specifically, they argue that unfamiliar ceilings serve as a physical manifestation of Shinji's "sense of displacement" at NERV HQ and Misato's apartment, symbolizing to the viewer that from Shinji's perspective, "[these places are not] his home. [From the] shots of the room’s disarray [to] Shinji’s physical entrapment [emphasizing] his discomfort, as he seems to bury himself away in the space between two repeating cassette tracks."
Like… dang! Wrong Every Time absolutely nailed it in their assessment of this scene! Or as Rei’s English voice actress Amanda Winn Lee infamously described in the audio commentary track to the original End of Evangelion DVD collection, “Nailed it like an Amish barn!” Lol!
The return of the unfamiliar ceiling as Shinji reminesces alone in his new bedroom about full events of the fight with Sachiel functions as a perfect transition to discussing the meanings of episode's secondary title... "THE BEAST!"
So... remember how I said earlier that I was initially really annoyed when I first watched this episode and it suddenly cut away from the Angel knocking Shinji unconscious to him instantly waking up in the hospital the next morning? Well it was during this flashback to the full fight from earlier right here that all my previous annoyance suddenly disappeared and I understood fully why this cut was necessary!
Not only does Anno's decision to have Sachiel’s defeat intially occur off-screen help pique viewer interest in exactly how Shinji defeated the Angel. Not only does it gradually build up the feelings of hollow victory and faint praise that Shinji & Misato couldn’t help but ponder throughout the rest of the episode. But it also effectively makes the ultimate reveal of EVA Unit-01 going berserk for the first time ever all the more shocking & horrifying!
No joke, when I first saw EVA Unit-01 suddenly open it’s mouth & roar I was legitimately FREAKING terrified! I just had so many questions swirling around in my head all at once since I initially thought that Unit-01 was simply just a robot. But this plot twist signified to me that not only are the Evangelions something far more mysterious & disturbing than mere robots, but that they’re also potentially even more dangerous monsters than the Angels!
Plus, the fact that Unit-01's berserker rampage was also foreshadowed back in Episode 1 with the EVA suddenly activating itself to protect Shinji from falling debris (as well as the "0-9 System" controlling it being a reference to Oni from Japanese demonology) makes this plot twist even more impactful!
For the sake of craps & giggles though, I bet the soul of Yui dwelling inside of Unit-01 was thinking to herself at that exact moment: “You will NOT kill my son!”
Also, this I love Misato & Ritsuko's contrasting reactions to Unit-01 going berserk! While, Misato is completely taken aback by this revelation, Ritsuko seems fearfully aware with the events transpiring when she whispers to herself, "Berserker!"
In essence, Misato acts as an audience-surrogate in this scene since just like her we're now completely frightened & suspicious about the Evangelion's true nature, while Ritsuko along with Gendo & Fuyutsuki have access to knowledge that the viewers are currently in the dark about!
Honestly in hindsight, the character's various reactions on display here significantly contributed to my desire to want to learn more about what exactly caused EVA Unit-01 enter a violent animalistic rampage!
As scary as the sight of Unit-01 going on a berseker rampage against Sachiel is though, HOLY CRAP is the sound-design & animation for this fight scene FREAKING phenomenal! In addition to Unit-01's blood-chilling roar heavily indicating the presence of organic vocal cords being suppressed by layers of electronic sirens, the shots of the EVA crouching down before flipping itself high into the air and pouncing onto Sachiel are so FREAKING iconic! Same goes for the 360° panning shot of Unit-01 turning around to face Sachiel again after shrugging off its inital counter-attack!
So wait... how exactly is Unit-01 able to regenerate its armored plating when healing its broken left arm? Is it liquid metal like the T-1000 or something?
Also, we get some more foreshadowing of both the EVA's being cloned from the Angel's progenitor Adam, as well as Unit-01's unique status as a clone of humanity's progenitor Lilith since not only does Unit-01 easily create its own A.T. Field to counter the frequency of Sachiel's, but it easily rips through the Angel's A.T. Field like it was tissue paper!
The animalistic brutality on display as Unit-01 simultaneously crushes both of Sachiel's arms before ripping apart the Angel's own bony chest-protrusions (spilling blue blood in the process) to stab its core is absolutely breathtaking to witness!
As uniquely awesome and uncanny the animation of Sachiel shape-shifting itself into a fluid orb around Unit-01's head is, I'm curious to know exactly how Misato realized that this was a self-destruct maneuver. Especially since the last time she personally witnessed an Angel's abilities was when she was still a teenager 15-years-ago during Second Impact...
Holy crap! The massive cross-shaped explosion that Sachiel generates when it self-destructs is not only breathtaking gorgeous, but it simultaneously adds further intrigue into whether or not the Angels are merely extraterrestrials or literal divine entities!
The feelings of sheer terror that this scene instilled within me were only further cemented by the aftermath of the battle, as Shinji briefly regains consciousness only to scream in horror at the building-side reflection of Unit-01’s head armor falling off and exposing its true fleshy face along with an eyeball that is absolutely in no way whatsoever is meant to resemble traditionally feminine anatomy (H.R. Geiger would eat his heart out over Unit-01’s eyeball here)!
Plus, I only just noticed this, but the front of EVA Unit-01's exposed forehead bears a striking resemblance to the masks on Sachiel's face, further hinting that the Evangelions and the Angels are biologically connected!
I absolutely adore the final moments of the episode where Misato continues to give Shinji faint praise even when she now realizes that it won’t help him. It simultaneously suggests that Misato still wants to do whatever she can to ease Shinji’s pain, while also desperately trying to find some way to justify Unit-01’s berserker rampage against Sachiel “being worth it” despite the traumatic toll the experience has inflicted upon Shinji’s psyche!
What an absolutely perfect way to end the episode! Allison Keith once again perfectly sells this scene through the way her voice so subtly cracks while trying to feign said-empty reassurance!
This concluding exchange also thematically ties the episode's corresponding titles, "Unfamiliar Ceiling" & "THE BEAST," so neatly together! In addition Shinji & Misato being haunted by memories of the literal beast in the form of EVA Unit-01, they're simultaneously confronted with metaphorical beasts as they struggle to process and adapt to unfamiliar enviornments and relationships!
I love it whenever titles convey multiple meanings like that!
Overall though, NGE, "Episode 2: Unfamiliar Ceiling/THE BEAST" still holds up incredibly dang well! Even better than I remember!
Heck, whenever I try to introduce other people to EVA for the first time, I always recommend that they watch Episodes 1 & 2 immediately back-to-back so that they can get a good idea of how this anime functions, since honestly both episodes work incredibly well as an hour-long pilot when watched together!
Now onto Episode 3!
#Evangelion: You Can (Not) Marathon#neon genesis evangelion#nge#eva#evangelion#shinji ikari#misato katsuragi#eva unit 01#gendo ikari#pen pen#human instrumentality committee#seele#hideaki anno#marvel comics#vulture#adrian toomes#cyclops#scott summers#penguin#oswald cobblepot#90s anime#anime and manga#dc comics#sachiel#eva unit 00#batman#grant morrison#damian wayne#spider man#x men
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dark ocean duology | star wars (jedi fallen order)
A post-Fallen Order AU in two parts: After narrowly escaping the Inquisition’s clutches on Nur, Cere and Cal are not whisked from the water by Merrin’s intervention. Instead, they must embark on their own journey back to the Mantis. Wounded, ill, and trailed by the dead, they make their way through winding underwater passages and echoes of the past to make it home.
Featuring: oceans (both literal and metaphorical), the dead (also both literal and metaphorical), choices, and some much-needed catharsis.
part 2: to stand at the edge of the sea | chapter 2: under the great unfathomable deep, he sank
“We might have another option,” he says. “I maybe know a place where we could find plenty of replacements for the nav and comm systems, the right age even. Guaranteed.”
“Where?”
“Oh, just a massive scrapyard full of old Republic-era ships, that I happen to know my way around.”
Cere looks at him with a flat, humorless expression on her face. “You want to go back to Bracca.
Cal nods. “I want to go back to Bracca. Ok, well, want is a strong word…”
- - -
They’ve traversed the meandering pathways under Nur’s dark oceans and escaped the Inquisition yet again, but they’re far from out of danger, and a long way from reconnecting with the Mantis. All they’ve got is a stolen ship with a broken navigational computer and there’s only one place in the galaxy they might find a replacement.
There’s just one other problem: Cal is dying. He’s been dying from the start.
Cal just really, really doesn’t want to die on Bracca.
- - -
chapter 2: Arriving on Bracca brings back painful memories and too-vibrant echoes, as Cal gets sicker and they, er…accidentally kind of take a hostage. Oops? Desperate times…
[ link to ao3 ]
Ok now I'm really going to be late to work. I'm digging the Wednesday posting schedule but it is a lot to get done by 8AM lol. Anyway, I'm sorry about this, have fun, and I'll see you next week.
[ part 1: chapter 1 ] [ part 1: chapter 2 ] [ part 2: chapter 1 ]
[ series link ] [ spotify playlist ] [ post image credit ]
#dark ocean duology#star wars#jedi fallen order#cal kestis#cere junda#star wars fanfiction#fanfiction
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heyyy ! im super curious to know who u'd match me up with if ur still doing these x))
im short (5'1-3" i think), bi, filipino, have glasses and am plus size. i have too much tiddy (G cups,, my back is in constant agony), am also hourglass-ISH shaped but also have a tummy,, also have large arms thx to working construction gigs in the summers (which has also given me a lotta scars on my hands/arms). my hair is a long-ish wolfcut n v dark brown almost black. i have 34 tattoos,, mostly on my arms but a few on my legs. my skintone is pretty tan and my eyes are dark brown
i dress v androgynously,(dont like to appear feminine.) big tshirts, baggy n ripped jeans, flannels, skate shoes, "grandpa sweaters" etc. dont wear jewelry/accessories aside from my piercings (ears and septum) and dont wear makeup
personality wise im v quiet. loooove listening to other ppl talk n not having to talk myself lol. been told im the "mom friend," too many times . been diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder and major depressive disorder. i also have a lotta trouble concentrating and a rlly shit memory bc of past substance abuse issues so day to day life can be a bit difficult but i try to maintain a positive outlook/be optimistic ! i also v rarely get angry (honestly even when i rlly should be)
my music taste is wildly varied LOL but some fav artists are The Go! Team, Death Grips, The Avalanches, Big Thief, Froth, The Murlocs, and King Gizzard and the Lizard Wizard .
aaaaand i think thats abt it ✌️
I match you with… Trevor!
Physical appearance, as far as I concern, is varied between what suits Trevor best and your physique… my oh my, he loves tummies and (as we all know) big tits. Trevor would love all of you, head to toe. He’ll scatter you with love and affection because… he’s simply pleased and very aroused by your overall large arms and one of many tattoos. As a tattoo maniac himself, Trevor’s favourite thing to do is kiss each of your tattoos, every chance he gets.
In response to your aesthetic in general, Trevor doesn’t care about fashion. Although he likes many types of people and tastes, he adores your sense of casualness. Despite having a simple outfit, he likes how it fits around your body. The baggy shirts? He’ll sneak up behind you and shove his hands up like the devil he is. Trevor finds many ways to express his… odd affections, even if that’s getting under your skin… (getting under your clothes).
Ahhh… sensing your ‘mother’ vibe, he is immediately drawn. Wise, quiet, nervous. The opposite of him… but he loves it. Trevor finds comfort in you. His chaos cannot be balanced without your presence. He needs you around him at all times or he’ll go insane, literally. Having someone introverted and quite reasonable makes him all giddy. He sees you as someone he can trust and rely on, something he missed during childhood and later life. You replace his internal worries.
When encountering your history of substance abuse, Trevor understands. He has the tendencies to go… overboard with his own addictions, however, just like how protective he is over Jimmy and alcohol, he’ll keep a close eye on you. Because you are caring and loving toward him, Trevor feels the need to return this efforts and he will by supporting you through the thick and thin. He may be the last person on earth to be good at comforting but he knows how to make you laugh.
Besides… he’ll teach you how to use your anger correctly ;)
Joking. DONT TRUST TREVOR WITH ANGER. Moving on…
Trevor finds your music taste unique. He listens to more… typical angry punk but after hearing your varied songs, he’ll sometimes… just sometimes dig the vibe. You’ll have to catch him on a good day.
(A/N: Thank you for requesting! I’m intrigued with the tattoos! What’s your fav one? I love tattoos hahah)
#trevor philips#grand theft auto 5#grand theft 5#grand theft auto#gta v#gta 5#trevor gta#gran theft auto v#grand theft auto v
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10 YEARS OF GW2 – A TRIP DOWN MEMORY LANE
Hello peeps! As a little countdown to GW2's launch anniversary on August 28 I decided to dig up some old memories and take a small look at my personal journey through the game. Each day I'll make a post about another year.
DAY 5: 2016
Ah, 2016... if someone held me at gunpoint to name the GW2 year, for me that'd be this one. So many things that happened, so many new characters created... let's continue on the nostalgia road!
As teased last time, with Heart of Thorns came my back then favourite meta event:
The Battle in Tarir. I loved the amount of coordination and communication it took to succeed. The dynamic music that changed with the battle's phases really set the atmosphere. My favourite runs were those that took the whole 20 minutes of event time and then succeeded with 8 seconds left to spare on the timer. That happened more often than you'd think.
South gate was my gate, and boy did I push that egg bomb a lot. In the rare occasion that south wasn't last to finish after 5 (or more) excruciating burn phases, it was really fun to ping pong the bomb back and forth on the entrance stairs to wait for the other lanes.
Classic.
On that note... anyone remember multiloot? Likely the most toxic I've ever seen this game in open world pve, if you've known me at the time you know I was an avid and vocal anti-multilooter. Abandoning maps to hop onto 'better' maps after one regenerating octovine was all too common, and throwing insults left and right was the norm. Probably the only time I've seen people regularly compare the game to LoL and WoW. Still, in retrospect I'm kind of nostalgic for that era.
While Tarir was probably 50% of what my playthrough tag here was about at the time, let's not linger any longer. There was something else that filled the other 50%:
Excuse the language, but spiritwood planks were 13 gold per piece.
Ah.. Nevermore. My first legendary journey and by far most memorable to this day. Alongside the grind for crafting materials, it made me complete all the Heart of Thorns maps, level all my masteries (HoT was pretty stingy with mastery points before LS3 happened so that took a bunch of effort), and get into both WvW and fractals for the first time ever.
Along the way I met other people tackling this - at the time - most challenging legendary weapon to craft (alongside HOPE and Astralaria of course), and we've bonded with strangers through missed event chains, mastery point despair, and silverwastes chest farming (RIBA wasn't a thing yet as far as I'm aware).
After several very active months of tears and joy I got my first (and best!) legendary:
I still consider this my greatest achievement in this game.
Also yes, I am literally this childish, I refuse to make use of the legendary armoury for this staff. I made it for this walnut and only he gets to use it. I won't even transmute it for other characters. Everyone else gets exotic and ascended staves. Is that silly? Yes. Do I care? No. His legendary. Noone else's. Main privileges.
By the way, Nevermore anon, are you still around? I always loved reading your messages here.
2016 had a lot of "first times" for me, which included doing all fractals my girlfriend and I managed to duo...
(we were not dressed as anakin and obi-wan to reenact the episode III mustafar fight scene for a really awful epic video in the volcano fractal)
...and doing all the story dungeons together.
Inquest brainworms were planted that day.
And I also joined Tyria Pride for the first time! We marched all the way to Silverwastes and through the entire jumping puzzle that year.
You know what else happened in 2016?
The return of Super Adventure Box! Not much to say about it really, as always it was a blast.
The months went by, I spent a lot of time with all HoT metas, replayed the HoT story on different characters, still fought Tequatl a lot, announced some Crashlanding achievements at the Claw of Jormag and at some point along the way picked up a minor Tangled Depths obsession. Speaking of which, check out this screenshot:
So much going on here. No HP% on the HP bar (was that a patch thing or was that an option I hadn't activated?), 4:20 (no meme intended) minutes left on timer until the cannons are charged and the event is far from over, all gerents moving to their third phase... a blast from the past. One-phase killing all gerents who? Didn't dream of that in 2016. Also I was an Ogre lane regular, I apologize. The other lane mechanics scared me too much. Until I found out there's nothing scary about SCAR and Rata. Nuhoch without mounts is a different story.
LS3 also started in 2016!
Taimi's Game is one of my all time favourite story instances. Paired with the excellent music, Taimi announcing that Jormag (my favourite elder dragon that I had been waiting for for years....) had woken up was an amazing goosebumps moment.
Alas I somehow lost a large chunk of 2016 screenshots (and with that all the story ones) so have this memory instead:
You're welcome.
If I wanted to I could probably find plenty more things that went on in 2016, but this is getting long so let's wrap it up here. Onto 2017!
Permanent additions to the character roster that year:
That's a lot of new characters in a single year. At least it's not all Sylvari this time.
Links to all posts:
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While…. I might not have the urge to write anymoreee. I still want to! Like. It’s annoying honestly when I got all these good ideas but I AINT WRITING IT. why honestly….? Like especially for like. The shiny idea where he sees the mark in her eyes, which is SO FUN, and I actually have an idea of where to start it! But I guess, as soon as I think about…. actually writing it. I go blergh. Cuz it’s not like. Completely…. Urgh how to explain this…..
So like. You have an idea. It’s like. “R kisses M on the lips” and it feels straight forward but like. When you’re going to write, you don’t know where they are, you don’t know exactly how to write it.wnd mmmh. This isn’t the perfect explanation, as I do know like. What kinda of happens but it’s just. The words isn’t there….? Like I have to actively think about it. Like how exactly to start. I don’t have any clear thing to grasp on.
And that’s! Like annoying! It’s energy taxing! I don’t like it! I’d rather not work on it! I like it when I have somewhere to start. But also, I guess I do. Like I could literally go “He grabbed her hand” I guess there’s something else at work here. Mmmmh. Let’s try and get to the bottom of it.
Cuz like yeah, I know how the scene will go and stuff. I guess it’s more like… it’s not smooth? Like I know that he could possibly grab her hand, that I could start with that. But it isn’t exactly an opening I want. Like im not…. Sure? If that’s the word. Mmmmh.
Ah, I think it’s more like trail and error thing. Cuz there are many ways that I could open this with…. Like idk what to…. No that’s not right explanation either but on the right lines….
Was just scrolling through my wips and. I think I got it. It’s like yeah I have like. Openings that I could work on. But it’s just that, thinking about where to start. Requires. Actually thought. So like, I don’t want to bother with actually writing it physically it and rather stew on it, poke at it…. like until I actually get like. A line that I could work with. Sometimes, it takes time. HUH. that is really good discovery to make. Because it has always been so frustrating when like — I have this idea, but I don’t write it. Because I just… can’t. In simple form.
Huh, so like. At least. Knowing this, it makes that frustration not bubble up. I’m feeling instantly better rn. And it has… freed me at this idea? Like suddenly feel like I can crack on it, but more in a way of like…. Idek what im on here but suddenly feeling urge of WANTING to work on this and solve this opening problem heh.
I wonder how I could. So like. I want… ahhh…. okay. so I know I want it from her pov, I did ponder like. Maybe his. But it’s better if it’s like hers. And this is like during maybe when she helps him sleep — I honestly haven’t decided on that and it’s a flexible thing — but REALLY. like that he’s there when he gets an…. Oh…. OH….. I really wanna write a thing about ep5 when he’s THERE when she wakes up! but I don’t want that for this idea, mmmh. but I did want to write something else about ep5, too, like about the whole waking up hugging. it would be fun to dig into his pov then. but urgh his pov in part2 is so hard to write for me :( wait I guess his pov in general is hard to write LOL but part….. two…. Part two….. I guess it would be a fun challenge
aNYWAYS to go back to that idea. so like. idk, but the thing is that i really would like him to be THERE while she has a memory, and like. be like what’s wrong??? when she gets the ~dizzy~ spell heh. and like from her pov, it would be so good to write his reaction. the way she doesn’t know why he’s acting like this and just… assumes it’s cuz of her dizzy spell. BUT NO. org, I thought that this would be when he realises but no no I realise that. He wouldn’t. Like the confusion???? The way the mark disappears????? Of course he’d think that he saw something that wasn’t there. Cuz he wanted that. Heh 🤭
And it’d be so fun to write. I guess I should focus now is like…. The beginning part. Like. What leads to like. Her being there before she’s getting the memories. That part is… completely blank for me. Mmmh. I think that’s important for me to figure out, it’d put things into place — cuz like, having that. I can see where they are better before that scene.
As much as I do like it to be a “helping him sleep” plot, I don’t want it for that. Since that feels more like awkward, distance and not-distance distance ahaha. And seems idk too convenient, it’s boring !!!! to me !!! . And plus o want to explore that in another fic so….
oh I really like it if they had something like ep5 that scene where he sees her walking around and just Watches her. ahhhhh, I really do like something for them that like. causes them mmmh to like be outside together! go on lunch! it would be so FUN to explore and like the way it :) leads into the he sees the mark scene :) oh I LIKE THAT
but mmmh. now to actually think about…. what they are doing and like what leads them to that moment. I KNOW that this is like first so actual official time that they are Doing considering how he’s so distant and barely home. yeah. so v delicious thing to bite into. I don’t think I want it to be an external force that makes them so, and I don’t think I like it to be a “coincidental” meet up.
I think I do like the idea of her asking him to go somewhere and initially, maybe he refuses but like. Idk. It depends on what she’s asking. I think im getting more of a picture as to what to write. IM SO HAPPY. and this has been much helpful! I think I’ll adopt this approach in other ideas.
Ahhhh let’s try it for this ss one I have. Where I did mentally write it, but LOL forgot. Well, it’s more accurate to say that it “faded” away. Yeah. Anyways heheheheh let’s GO. I will try this one mentally to see how it goes. Whether me physically writing the process of thought does change. Things. Mmmmh. 11:39
#january 2024#did some! planning! here!#figuring what makes my writing tick!#very productive shit!#im v pleasantly surprised and v happy!
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