#like. i’ve spoken about trying to understand why my father is the way he is and just
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trying to radicalize my father but he’s been white man pilled by his father since birth
#the assimilation of my grandmother and its consequences#he gets so SO close to Getting It and then he says some centrist bullshit and i remember everything he’s been taught#like. i’ve spoken about trying to understand why my father is the way he is and just#he was a mixed raced kid surrounded by a melting pot of diversity except his mother was totally cut off from her culture very young#and his father was white. and i just think that sort of.. explains it all. he had opportunities to Not Be This way and in many ways he#really does Get It. he’s witnessed so much. he understands so much. but at the end of the day he’s just his father.#and it’s so. yeah. it makes me sad. i wonder how different he’d be if he were raised in hawai’i instead of sf#if my grandmother never immigrated#anyways.txt
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Good day! Could you make a Ciel x reader where the Ciel has a crush on the reader who is Lizzy’s sister (for the sake lest say Lizzy and Ciel ended to engagement) the thing is the reader is the only one in the Midford family to have dark hair (from a grandparent) and she gets very insecure about it, feeling like a black sheep in her family. Lizzy and everyone is very kind to her it’s just she constantly feels left out because she has a very different personality compared to her sister and brother. She feels very out of place during photo’s with her family. And especially during parties when people talk about her either being adopted or the cause of her mother being unfaithful. She just is naturally much more moody, and she doesn’t have as many friends unlike Lizzy because she just brings the mood down.
Sorry if it’s a lot, have a good day!
Odd One Out - Ciel Phantomhive
A/N: I decided to post this one a day early! I only have one class today and have a lot of free time at the moment. So sorry this took so long!
Not gonna lie, I had to do some research for this one. I’m a sucker for genetics, and so I got super excited for this one. Blonde hair is an autosomal recessive trait, meaning both parents have to be blond. Since both Midford parents are blonde, all of their children have to be blonde, that’s how I learned it. But I did some research to see if there’s mutations or something that can cause dark hair in children born from two blondes. I’ll try my best to simplify what I’ve found.
Melanin is a polymer, and it is most often known as the polymer that gives skin, hair, and eyes its color. By what I can understand, there are two types of melanin: eumelanin and pheomelanin. Lots of eumelanin produces black or brown hair, whereas pheomelanin produces red hair. Blonde hair is produced by very little eumelanin. Melanocortin 1 Receptor (MC1R) is responsible for determining hair color. Mutations in the MC1R gene can cause red or auburn hair.
For the sake of this fanfic, let’s just say there’s a mutation in the reader’s production of eumelanin cause I can’t find any way for two blonds to produce a dark-haired kiddo. And yes, I know this is a fanfic but listen people my love for science is strong so fiction or not I’m gonna make my details as accurate as possible. Anyway, hope you enjoy, and here are my sources <3
You were the black sheep of the family in every way possible. Literal or not, others found great joy in pointing out every difference between you and your siblings, especially when it comes to your appearance. It’s difficult to explain to others why you bear little resemblance to your family. Sure, you had your mother’s build and your father’s eyes, but that was as far as it went. You didn’t have the same hair color as your parents and siblings.
It’s common knowledge that two blonde parents bear a blonde child, yet you had dark auburn hair. After years and years of torment and rumors of your mother being unfaithful, or that you were adopted, you began researching why you were the way you were. There wasn’t much out there, but you did discover that you had some type of genetic mutation dealing with hair color. That’s why it was so difficult to explain to others why your hair was so different from your family’s, they didn’t have the same extent of knowledge as you did.
It didn’t help that you were also extremely different personality wise. Your sister Lizzy was very outgoing and extroverted, never hesitating to host parties or to meet new people. Your brother Edward, on the other hand, was very stoic and serious. He didn’t tolerate much of anything, and was very protective over you and your sister. But you weren’t much like your siblings. You often kept to yourself, only spoke when spoken to, and were generally just very independent. Growing up, the only real friends you had were your siblings, and your twin cousins.
Now that you’re older, you are even more independent. You spent less and less time with your family, often opting to stay in your room or going off on your own into the city. Your family constantly tried to get you to go to events with them, such as going to balls, parties, and even things as simple as family outings, but you couldn’t help but feel out of place. People constantly stared at you, and you couldn’t help but notice their hushed whispers as you walked by with your family.
You were grateful that your family didn’t see you the same way the rest of the world did. Your parents treated you no differently than your sister and brother. If anything, they tried their hardest with you to try and make you feel more comfortable and confident in yourself. Lizzy constantly wanted to be with you, doing your hair and makeup to spend some quality time with you. She took you dress shopping, and tried to cheer you up in that sort of way.
Because of your discomfort around your family, you often spent a lot of time with your cousin Ciel. His servants never treated you any differently than they did the rest of your family, and the boy’s Estate overall felt like a safe place for you. Ciel was always willing to let you vent to him, whether it be about how people had been treating you or how you were thinking of yourself, he always had advice to offer.
What he never would confess, however, was his feelings for you. His engagement with Lizzy ended just over a year ago, and it was all because he realized he had feelings for you instead. Watching you change throughout the years broke his heart, how you became more independent and less willing to socialize and go out.
You were staying a few nights at the manor to spend some time with Ciel. You had been having a particularly hard time, and you thought it best to spend some time with the boy. He greeted you with open arms, and immediately ordered Sebastian to prepare your favorite meal for dinner. You fell into your cousin’s arms, tearing up as he held you tightly.
“May I ask what brings you here?” CIel asks calmly as he hugs you. He can feel your tears soaking into his shirt and he becomes even more worried.
You sniffed as you pulled away from Ciel, wiping at your eyes. “I’m sorry, it’s just been a really long week.”
Ciel frowned, gently taking your arm and leading you inside. “Come, tell me about it.” You were led inside the Estate and to the sofa beside the fireplace. Ciel draped a light blanket over your shoulders as he sat beside you. Taking your hand in his, his blue eye met your E/C ones. “What happened?”
You began to cry harder as you recalled the events of the past week. Ciel listened as you told him about the hushed whispers and not-so-hidden stares followed your every move at a ball you attended with your family. Then how you stepped out of your comfort zone to speak to girls your own age at said ball, and how they giggled to each other as they ignored you and walked away.
Ciel wrapped you tightly in a hug, pulling you so your legs are draped over his lap and your face is buried in his shoulder. “Look at this,” you sniffle, reaching for your bag at the end of the couch. Ciel released you from his arms as you dug through your bag, pulling out a photo. You replaced yourself on CIel’s lap, handing him the photo. His warm hands brushed against your own as he took the image.
“This is a lovely photo,” he smiled softly. It was a printed image of the most recent family photo taken three days ago. Your father held your mother’s waist, Edward on his other side and Lizzy standing beside your mom. You were beside your sister. Ciel was right, it was a lovely photo. But the longer he looked at it, he noticed everyone’s bright smiles, and then you. It looked as if you were near tears, barely able to hold your smile long enough to take the photo.
“Honey,” Ciel coos quietly. This was very uncharacteristic of the Earl. He never showed this much empathy and emotion towards someone before.
“I hate this photo,” you cried as you rested your head on his shoulder once again.
“Why?”
“I look so out of place!” You pointed to yourself in the picture. “I hate that I was born this way! Why did I have to have this mutation?”
Ciel set the picture aside, wrapping you in his arms again and running a hand down your back. “I think you’re beautiful,” his voice was soft as he whispered in your ear. “Genetic mutation or not, I love the way you look, and I wouldn’t change it for the world.” CIel continued to hold you until you fell asleep in his arms. As he carried you to your designated room, he whispered to you.
“I don’t understand why others treat you this way, and I wish they would stop just as much as you do. But I love you, Y/N, and I would give everything to have you in my life. Genetic mutation or not, you are beautiful just the way you are.”
#comfort#x reader#platonic#ciel x reader#ciel fantomhive#black butler ciel#ciel#ciel phantomhive#ciel phantomhive x reader comfort#kuroshitsuji#black butler#black butler fanfiction#black butler x reader#black butler comfort#ciel phantomhive x reader
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thoughts on q!dapduo ? (i’ve been thinking about their interactions during the wedding but it can be from any time period on the qsmp)
bro i fucking love dapduo. EVERY universe.
I've already spoken about them before and most definitely after the QSMPdinner event today my dapduo brainrot grows evermore >< You can probs dig for them through either the #dapduo or #stufff rambles tags yourself but here some of the links I'll be looking back on for this:
>q!dapduo grieving
> the guapoduo wedding arc
>q!Slime's identity with Slime and Gegg
>q!Quackity's identity and values
Summary of the 28/07/2023 QSMP Election Dinner: Gegg shows up to the venue (removes his armour AND his totems like a fucking idiot sorry im still heartbroken over this) and the remaining candidate members are ambushed by codes pretending to be eggs and Gegg loses his last presidential life. Slime returns as Slime and comes clean to everyone that he was Gegg all along but ElQuackity isn't so sure about this. ElQuackity and Slime have a conversation and (in chat) Slime secretly agrees to help ElQ win the election.
Out of pure impulse, I went and transcribed their whole interaction you can read it HERE
[ ramblings undercut ]
ANYWAY SO very important to know that roles and how they are perceived by others is an integral value to both Quackities' motivations whilst Slime's values are introspective, focusing more on his own identity (Slime/Gegg) rather than the outside. Throughout the entirety of the qsmp timeline, the both of them suffer near the same struggles yet respond to them differently because of their motivations which is why they compliment each other so well.
Q!Dapduo are able to sympathise and find comfort in eachother's pain simply because no one else on the island could ever experience what they're going through... Even if their way of comfort is not healthy.
Even if ElQuackity was m.i.a for a bit, before then he still considers himself close with Slime. ElQuackity learnt the assignment that Quackity was Gegg's father and went with it and most definetly caught feelings (platonic) that resonated when caring for Tilin and the other eggs. They were suffering together.
Cut to the QSMP Dinner where Gegg dies. The sadness ElQuackity felt was genuine yet bittersweet. His best friend, is finally learning to accept all parts of himself - but this is also a big turning point that the relationship dapduo have will never be the same. ElQuackity can no longer use Slime as a support structure (IN the manner that he used to at least) because he's broken free from the role that he's been given while ElQuackity has yet to do the same.
Q: No nononono you're viewing it the wrong way I think there's more to Gegg.
THIS LINE HAS SO MANY FUCKING LAYERS LIKE on one hand ElQuackity obviously is doing copium rn, but in retrospect he does have a point that Slime hasn't fully come to terms that Gegg and Slime are one in the same. They are parts of him and both sides are starting to mesh together and it's Slime's mission to better understand himself.
AND THEN ON A DIFFERENT LAYER, IF WE PIT THIS WITH THE CONVERSATION ELQUACKITY WHISPERS TO SLIME it's also really scary. Yeah he's going to use Slime to win the election, but it's also unconsciously ElQuackity's way in keeping Slime as this emotional support, and whatever this deal insinuates I am SO scared. This idea is also reinforced visually by Slime's body language as he physically backs himself into a corner by ElQuackity as he accepts the deal -- Which makes me think Slime is definitely aware of ElQuackity is trying to do and makes me wonder the reasoning as to why Slime accepts this deal.
One wants to leave but the other doesn't even know they're trapped in this together.
Q!DAPDUO .
#ask stufff#stufff rambles#qsmp spoilers#slimecicle#quackity#dapduo#qsmp#qsmpblr#Got so many feelings for q!dapduo especially I wish people were aware of how impactful their dynamic on eachother are holy shittt
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Lyanna fans : she didn't want to marry Robert because he sleep around and had illegitimate daughter!
Also lyanna fans : yall are mad that lyanna wanted to live her truth
Lyanna fans like that are all racists until proven otherwise I'm sick and tired of seeing non white women bashed and their trauma silenced and called victimising while spoiled white women get pass for everything they did
Lyanna fans: Robert was vile! He r*ped and hurt his wife, didn’t care about the realm, his children or his family!!! Only his own desires!!! Now here is my 10 page post on my headcanons as to why Rhaegar actually hurt his wife, reproductively and physically abused her for nothing because he hated her, thought she was gross and was happy when she was brutally murdered along with his kids, also Rhaegar didn’t care about putting his people in danger, or his mother’s pain or his brother or even his mad father, or his two children he actually just wanted to put his own desire for a teen girl above everything else!!!
Isn’t the so romantic? Isn’t he such a catch? Isn’t he so much better than Robert? Gosh Lyanna was really such a girlboss getting with a man like that and living her truth, he’s nothing like Robert 🙃🙃🙃
…Oh friend they’ll excuse their own stupidity by stating Elia’s *actually white to them* as if that would negate or suddenly make anything they’ve said better? …
But yeah it’s really interesting how the fandom is always *crickets* when Elia Martell’s character is getting talked about as if she’s worse than a dog 24/7 but everyone is up in arms the moment pale unquestionably white Lyanna Stark gets a crumb of criticism.
Mind you I’ve never spoken poorly about Lyanna and I am one of those *dreaded Elia stans*. I don’t think she was spoiled, I think she was just a sad romantic child who felt like she had no way out and I hate her ending. I don’t think she should have had to marry Robert and I don’t think she should have been groomed by Rhaegar. It’s just all such a tragedy.
I think she’s a character that’s easy to self insert into and that’s why the fandom glorifies her so much, because let’s be honest the way the fandom discusses Sansa’s decisions with Joffrey and how they played out for Ned Vs Lyanna’s decisions with Rhaegar and how they played out for Brandon & Rickard is wildly different. So I understand your frustration, but really it’s just misogyny and people being disingenuous. Elia gets the worst of it for not being unquestionably white or *beautiful & desired by men* enough for people to want to self insert in to her.
It’s gross and annoying because from the very first book we get told how important Elia is for Dorne and the Dorne plot that GRRM has made an effort to include and that has nothing to do with Rhaegar or Lyanna 🤷♂️ and no amount of forcibly trying to reduce her to them will ever work. Elia is important and it has nothing to do with beauty or men desiring her and people cannot tolerate that for some reason or another and because of their lack of understanding, throw a fit trying to minimize her.
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To Be Seen
Lucius understands.
Trans Masculine Draco Malfoy
Transgender visibility Day, Friday the 31st of March, 2023
To Be Seen
“Papa, look!” The small child dashed away, already out the door before Draco had a chance to react.
“Wait for me!” He called back, then apologised to the witch at the till before hurrying after the youngster who was determined to get a free sample from Honeydukes before they were all gone.
“Easy, young man,” a voice said, and Draco froze, a chill going down his spine.
Just to the left of the door stood Scorpius staring up into the face of the tall man who had stopped the child from running across the busy path.
“Papa?” The boy looked confused as he looked back to Draco, then up at the man again.
Draco cleared his throat. “Father,” he greeted coolly, before scooping his son up, settling him on his hip. “I trust you are well.”
Lucius frowned.
He had been released from Azkaban a year earlier and hadn’t seen or heard from his daughter the entire time.
Adalinda had been a beautiful child. Very much the miniature of her mother, every bit as lovely, every bit as intelligent and sure of what she wanted.
Unfortunately for Lucius she had wanted to dress as a boy.
She stubbornly refused to wear dresses or hair ribbons, and insisted on robes and short trousers. Even going as far as talking the house elves into transfiguring her clothing for her the moment his back was turned.
She could always be found taking things apart trying to learn how they worked, or climbing trees and chasing the peacocks and garden gnomes. Coming back filthy with scabbed knees.
The morning they had planned to take Adalinda to get her Hogwarts supplies, Narcissa had spelled their daughter’s hair into soft curls. Adalinda had disappeared into the bathroom and had promptly cut the shoulder length hair off and slicked it back and then faced them both with a look that dared them to say anything about it.
In the end Lucius had refused to be seen with her so Narcissa had taken her alone.
Much to his displeasure the child had adopted a masculine persona whilst at school, choosing a name that, at least, had a similar meaning to her own.
The professors and Headmaster indulged her, and for Lucius it had made it quite difficult to make a marriage contract when his daughter insisted she was a boy.
But then the war happened.
Voldemort had been immensely amused by little Adelinda Malfoy playing at being a boy, and to his shame Lucius couldn’t stop what happened. The task, the Dark Mark, she might have been spared them had she just stayed in her place.
Then they had lost the war and Lucius had been sent to Azkaban. After eight years he was released and another full year had passed, yet his child never contacted him. Not once in nearly a decade.
He knew from Narcissa that she had married, and had children and still lived as a man.
But to see her now…
It was shocking to see this person who had once been his baby, his lovely little child with the blond curls, freckles and dimples. They were now tall and solid, looking so much like himself that it was like looking into a mirror to the past.
“Papa, who is this?” The child stage whispered and Draco sighed.
“I am your Grandfather,” Lucius said softly, and Draco stepped away, shaking his head.
“No, you’re not.”
“I-”
“No,” he said firmly. “His grandfather is my husband’s father. You are the man who was supposed to be my father, but was never there for me, and I do not care to subject my children to you.” He made to step past him again, but Lucius blocked his way. “I have my wand,” Draco warned.
“Please.”
“Why are you bothering me?”
“I’ve been home for over a year.”
“I’m aware.”
Lucius started looking frustrated, “It’s been almost ten years since we last spoke.”
“We haven’t communicated in far longer than that,” he replied wearily. “You have never spoken to me, Father. you have never seen me.”
“I’m seeing you now, Draco, ” Lucius replied fiercely, “And I have never been more proud of you.”
His father had never called him Draco before. Never.
“I don’t understand.”
“I’ve had a very long time to think of things that I should have been focusing on all along. Like what truly would have been best for your mother, and for you. And I’ve come to realise and accept that I have made a great deal of mistakes, and I am determined to honestly make reparations.”
“Merlin help me,” Draco whispered, “I want to believe you, but I can’t.”
“I may not have understood you, my son, but I have always loved you,” Lucius swore. “All I ask is the opportunity to try and show you that.”
“There he is, daddy!” Another voice called out and Lucius turned to see a red-haired girl standing a ways back, holding Harry Potter’s hand.
“Are you ok?” Harry asked cautiously, wand in hand.
Lucius stepped back, putting a touch of distance between Draco and himself.
Draco gave a subtle nod and Harry relaxed.
“Cassie, come here please,” Draco asked of their daughter, and the little girl let go of Harry’s hand, walking to her papa.
“These are your grandchildren. This is Scorpius,” He nodded to the child still in his arms, “And this is Cassiopeia. Children, this is my father, Lucius.”
End
Adalinda means Noble Serpent
@magicaltrans
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In a Past Life
🌸Submission for Meet Me Under the Cherry Tree Event hosted by @cultofdionysusnet
🌸Pairing: Park Seonghwa x Reader (f)
🌸Genre: right person wrong time, cute meet, historical au, soulmate au
🌸Word Count: 3,224
🌸Warnings: heartbreak, slight suggestive kissing
🌸Rated: 18+ MDNI
🌸Summary: In a past life... you were Seonghwa's first love
🌸Dedication: @mejuii & @downtoamagicalland i'm sorry you had to suffer through this angst first but you know seonghwa is my go-to for this stuff 💞
"Oh, is it you?"
"Excuse me?"
"We met in Paris."
"I've never been to Paris."
His smile was wide and eager, his eyes patiently waiting for you to recognize him. When you didn't, he frowned but only slightly. Nothing could wipe the glee from his face from seeing you.
"That's weird. I already got my memories back." He took a step towards you and you took one step back.
"Listen, I'm sorry, but I'm not who you think I am."
The smell of cherry blossoms permeated the air, a rush of a breeze blowing through your hair and making you reach up to keep your hair from going everywhere but this man with his bright pink hair took another step and pushed it behind your ear. His eyes scanned your face and you felt like your heart was in your throat.
"Long hair did always suit you," He smiled sadly and then stepped back.
Your mouth moved but you didn't speak the words. "Merci."
The unfamiliar man cocked his head in curiosity, eyes wide, and replied, "De rien."
"I always did love your French."
You slapped a hand over your mouth, still not understanding what was going on. “I’ve gotta go.”
“Please, wait, Star!” The man reached out for you but you dodged his grasp. “Please, let me explain. I’m Seonghwa--I’m your soul--”
You shook off the encounter as just some random person with some severe issues, or someone trying to prank you. But you couldn't deny that you had spoken without meaning to. What had come over you and what would provoke a strange man to speak to you?
That night you dreamt~...
Dream Flashback to your previous life, during the 1920's
You always enjoyed the night life but when you went to Paris, it only made you fall in love with it more. The quiet way the streets lived, only lit up with softly glowing lamps, made it feel romantic. Perhaps that’s why you had fallen so hard for Park Seonghwa.
He was a high class citizen, his family sending him off to Paris on some international banking exchange. You were a working class gal, having scrapped up all your savings in order to view Paris and its history. The fact that the two of you had bumped into each other, alone, was unheard of but you almost felt like it was fate.
“Bonsoir,” You had murmured when the dark haired man had peek-a-boo-ed past the steel beam of the bridge you had been crossing.
“Ah, B-bon-soir,” He stuttered back. You instantly knew he was a foreigner like yourself and relaxed.
“I speak English, it’s okay,” You reassured him.
The man let out a sigh of relief. “Thank god. I’m still getting used to it.”
You giggled at how silly he sounded. You bent your neck and continued to walk when the man ran to catch up with you. “Can I walk with you? A lady as beautiful as yourself should not be walking at night alone.”
You smiled slightly. “I haven’t needed a man to protect me for quite some time.”
“I’m Seonghwa, Park Seonghwa,” He introduced himself, “Where is your father? Your brother?”
You shook your head. You pulled your shawl tighter. “I’m alone here. I’ve come to study architecture. I’ve got a job at a firm, you see. I’m only a secretary but I love the flow of buildings.”
Seonghwa nodded as if he understood. “Still, I’d like to accompany you. If you don’t mind.”
“Well, you’re not terrible company,” You teased.
Seonghwa ducked his head, laughing to himself. “That’s a relief.”
Something about Seonghwa pulled at you. Watching the way the lights flashed over his skin, the way his eyes lit up as he listened to you talk about the history you had learned since you’d been here, you felt yourself falling in love with a man you had only met. It was hard not to. He was handsome but his heart was also so kind.
“Monsieur,” You paused after your walk. “It is the hour in which I should adjourn to my rooms I’ve rented. You’ve certainly made this evening memorable.”
Seonghwa twisted his fingers, staring at the ground. “May I call upon you again, Miss?”
You couldn't help but audibly gasp. “Call on me? Again?”
Seonghwa’s eyes were wide with worry. “I can come back during the day perhaps! I don’t wish to be so forward but I don’t think my heart could take not seeing you again.”
You began to shake your head. You did not want to be one of those ninnies that came back from a vacation with a husband. You had worked hard for your independence. “No, Sir, I don’t think--”
Seonghwa grabbed your hands and held them tightly. “Please. Don’t break my heart, Star.”
You stared at him with a gob-smacked expression. “Break your heart? Star?"
“I mean--yes--you--you’re beautiful and your mind is wonderful--did I mention you’re kind? So wonderful--and I wish to speak further with you--I’m in Paris for the whole week--won’t you allow me one more visit?” Seonghwa stuttered and cut himself off and the most precious blush imaginable bloomed across his face. You found that you couldn't say no to that.
“Okay,” You agreed, “You may call upon me again, Monsieur Park. But please, come again during the night. I’m free then and I do so enjoy the walk.”
When you met Seonghwa that evening as the sun set, he was holding a picnic basket. His eyes lit up when he saw you walk down the stairs to meet him on the street. “I hope you don’t mind. Perhaps we could go to Parc du Champ-de-Mars? The cherry blossoms are lovely this time of year.”
You nodded, “That sounds wonderful.”
A lovely pink blush colored Seonghwa’s cheeks. “I hope it also isn’t presumptuous of me to have packed some wine. I bought cheese and then bread and I thought--”
You put a hand on Seonghwa’s arm to stop his rambling. “That’s awfully thoughtful of you.”
The two of you walked arm in arm and enjoyed each other's company. You told him of your day when he shook his head at your own polite question of his day. "It's boring bank stuff. They just get me to sign in my father's stead. It's nothing worth mentioning."
You pursed your lip to the side in unease. "But Seonghwa, you know everything about me and I know nothing about you."
Seonghwa's mouth opened and closed. "You're right. My apologies. I just--"
"Seonghwa, you let me prattle for hours about my job," You reminded him.
He ducked his head, laughing at himself. "Alright, alright."
You helped Seonghwa spread the blanket he had brought on the grass when you reached your destination. Once Seonghwa poured himself a glass of wine in fine crystalware, he became more relaxed. He told you of his hobbies of building tiny ships in bottles and you made him promise to show you how he did it. He spoke of his family, how they were well off and he wanted for naught. It was quite different from your upbringing. He had an older brother who he did not talk to while you were a middle child. The two of you couldn't have been more different except for your interest in building things, and of course, a newfound love for Paris.
Perhaps you had too many glasses in your enjoyment of the time spent with Seonghwa. You had never met a man like him. He didn't want to talk about himself, he didn't want to brag about his life, he didn't want to do anything but listen to you, and that was rare. So now you were babbling. About how you were the only working girl of your friends, who had all gotten married. How you wanted more than just to stay at home and cook and take care of the children.
Once your brain caught up with your mouth, you covered it. "Seonghwa, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to…I'm sorry," You finished lamely.
Seonghwa looked at you with such delight in his eyes that you could have sworn you had offered him a cream puff. "I love you," he said simply.
Your eyes widened and his mirrored yours and then Seonghwa was covering his face and you were cleaning out of anxiety. He stood up when you did and you both bonked heads.
"Seonghwa--"
"Star--"
You pressed your lips together as Seonghwa met your eyes while looking up through his brow. "You first."
"I think I should go," You said, rubbing your hands over your arms.
"Please, take my jacket at least." Seonghwa removed his tweet jacket with the leather elbows.
You took a step back. What were you doing? This was supposed to be a trip to learn first hand some of the most beautiful architecture in the world and instead you were drinking wine and eating cheese with a man who wasn't even attainable for you. His family had money and you had to work for every penny. This was inconceivable!
"I can't, Seonghwa. I shouldn't have even come tonight. I don't know what I was thinking."
"Wait, don't do that. I'm sorry I made you uncomfortable but don't close me out like that," Seonghwa pleaded with you.
"Seonghwa, please." You shook your head and took another step back. You tripped on the back of your skirt and began to fall backwards.
Seonghwa's long legs were quick to bring himself to your side and caught you with his hand on the back of your head and the small of your back. His eyes softened as they moved over your face. "I really do love you."
"We've known each other for barely a day," You scoffed at him.
"I feel like I've known you for a lifetime," He admitted.
"What is this?" You asked, more to yourself than to Seonghwa.
"I'm not questioning," Seonghwa smiled widely.
"You know we can't do this," You tried one more time to find the voice of reason.
"I don't care," Seonghwa murmured and then he tipped his head to kiss you.
It was a soft kiss but it was sure. Seonghwa knew he loved you and wanted to communicate it to you through his lips. You couldn't help but reach up and cup his face, feeling the warmth from his emotions traveling through him to you. You were falling hard and you were falling fast and you were sure once you hit the ground, it was going to hurt, but at this moment, you were starting to feel like Seonghwa: you didn't care.
The next day, Seonghwa didn't meet you in the evening, but in the morning. You two ate croissants and drank lattés on iron chairs at a corner cafe and walked along the Seine. In the afternoon, you strolled through the Louvre, admiring the paintings of old. It didn't matter what you did, truly, because all you wanted was to be in Seonghwa's presence. You clung to his arm, as much as proprietary would allow you, exchanging loving glances all the while.
It wasn't until the evening where everything became dangerous. Suddenly, there were nooks and crannies where you could dip to steal a kiss. And a kiss became a touch and a touch became a blush.
"Seonghwa," You said his name, eyes swirling with stars.
"I know, I'm sorry, but I'm greedy for you." Seonghwa bit down on his lower lip, "Please, let me kiss you again."
He tilted his head to kiss you again but you put a finger in between his and your lips. "I have to go home before you ruin me, Park Seonghwa."
Seonghwa's eyes darkened but then he coughed. "I have to get you home before I am no longer a gentleman."
The night of Paris was alive but you two only had eyes for each other. Seonghwa could not stop himself from bringing your hand to his lips and kissing the back of your hand. He couldn't stop staring at you like you were the only other human on this earth. And you were pretty sure he was an angel that didn't belong here.
Seonghwa's hair fell into his eyes as he stared down at you, your back now against the door to the building where you were renting a room. "Don't invite me inside."
"Seonghwa!" You giggled.
He now sported a crooked smile that could barely contain his glee. "Don't take my hand and pull me to your bed."
You felt your cheeks heat up. "Park Seonghwa, you're in dangerous water."
Seonghwa brought your hand to his lips again, placing a soft kiss there like he had countlessly tonight, but this time seemed more sensuous and you had a hard time breathing now. He undid the tiny button that held your glove in place and slowly pulled the material off. He then took your hand and placed a kiss on your palm instead. His tongue came out, sneakily so, and you gasped.
"Monsieur, you have to stop," You insisted halfheartedly.
"Mademoiselle, I cannot," Seonghwa admitted, teasing in his tone.
You slowly extracted your hand from Seonghwa, somehow, and held it to your heart with your other. "I have to go, Seonghwa."
"Marry me."
The silence was palpable.
"Star?"
"I don't want to get married, Seonghwa, I told you that," You informed him coolly.
Seonghwa's eyebrows furrowed. "I know, but--"
You shook your head. "I told myself this was a bad idea. Why didn't I listen?"
Seonghwa looked worried now. "No--Star--don't! Don't say that!"
"I have a job to go back to, or did you forget that's why I'm here!" You shouted at him.
"I--I didn't forget! I just want to be with you forever! Why is that a bad thing?" Seonghwa shouted back.
A window opened above you two and someone shouted and you had to part on bad terms. Seonghwa only had one full more day until he was destined to leave on a luxury ship to home. And still he showed up at your building the next day, with a bouquet of cherry blossoms.
You crossed your arms under your chest. "Monsieur," You acknowledged him.
Seonghwa winced at the distance in your voice. "Star, please!"
"Pretty flowers are not going to make me forget what you said last night, Park Seonghwa."
Seonghwa took an eager step forward. "I know that! But I want you to know how sorry I am. I wasn't thinking, I just--"
You held up a hand and Seonghwa wilted. "You wanted it, last night, I saw it in your face."
Seonghwa's head hung low. "I did."
"I can't, Seonghwa."
The next time Seonghwa looked at you, his eyes were brimming with tears. "It'll be different with me, I promise! I won't make you do anything. You can still work, we can travel, I--"
You felt your throat constricting with emotions. "No. No, Seonghwa, what happens when I get pregnant? No, I don't want that life!"
A sole tear traveled down the apple of Seonghwa's cheekbone. "Please, Star, don't do this. I love you."
"What happens when we get back home, Seonghwa? When your parents find out I'm a working class girl, that I wasn't born with a silver spoon in my mouth? What if they decide that they won't allow us to marry, what then?"
Seonghwa shook his head, more tears falling down his cheeks. "I won't let them. They can't keep us apart. I love you."
"And I love you too, you idiot, but that doesn't matter!" You wailed.
Seonghwa bit down on his lip. "You love me too?"
You rolled your eyes and threw up your hands. "Oh for goodness sake, Seonghwa, it doesn't matter!"
Seonghwa put the flowers on the stoop and took you in his arms. "That's all that matters," He hiccuped quietly.
"Let go of me, Seonghwa. You know we can't do this." Great, now you were crying.
Seonghwa cupped your face and used both his thumbs to wipe away your tears. "Star, will you marry me?"
You shook your head but your lower lip was pulling downwards, trembling. "I can't, don't ask this of me, please."
"Marry me," Seonghwa said again, eyes on your lips now, watching as your tears mingled there.
"Please," You whispered.
"I love you," Seonghwa said simply, and he bent down to kiss you.
You started to sob into his lips, shoulders shaking, and still he kissed you like he was trying to portray his love of you through his lips. When he seperated, he smiled at you and you felt your resistance fade. "I love you too."
"Marry me," Seonghwa pushed, his forehead touching yours, "Be mine forever."
"Yes."
The rest of the day was a whirlwind. Seonghwa purchased a beautiful but simple white dress for you. A blue ribbon was wrapped around the cherry blossom bouquet. Seonghwa had a beautiful old comb hair piece that was his grandmothers that he kept as a piece of her to travel with him. The final piece was to meet at a small chapel where you would get married.
You bid Seonghwa goodnight, a simple, final kiss before your lives began together.
Except you never made it to the chapel.
All your anxieties built up through the night. You screamed and cried and broke your own heart a thousand times over. You convinced yourself that Seonghwa would resent you as life continued. Or you would resent him. You didn't want to taint this beautiful love you had found in Paris. So you booked a ship early that morning, left Paris and never saw Seonghwa again.
Dream Flashback Complete
When you woke up the next day, your pillow was wet with tears and you knew what you had to do. You rushed to the cherry tree that you had met current-day Seonghwa at the other day.
Your heart beated in relief to see the flash of pink hair and he turned towards you, almost like he could feel your approach.
“Seonghwa!” You said his name, feeling your heart break into a million tiny pieces because of your past life.
He opened his arms wide and you threw your body at him. He squeezed you and told you that everything was going to be okay while you sobbed into his chest. He spoke some French to you, which soothed your soul as well. As much as it hurt to know that you were never together in your past life, despite how much you loved each other, there was now a chance.
“I love you,” You declared to him, lips tipping downwards and sobs still wracking your shoulders.
“I know,” Seonghwa smiled softly down at you. His thumbs brushed your tears away as he cupped your face.
“I don’t care what it takes, I’m never leaving your side,” You promised.
"I was stupid to let you walk away yesterday. I was stupid to let you walk away back then too," Seonghwa admitted.
"Let's do everything all over again," You declared.
"Back to Paris?" Seonghwa confirmed with an eager smile.
The breeze rushed past you both, the smell of cherry blossoms wafting past, carrying the pink petals in the air. It felt like fate and destiny were trying to push you back together again.
"Oui," You lifted yourself to your tiptoes and were the one to try to kiss Seonghwa to show him just how much you love him.
"Je t'aime," Seonghwa murmured against your lips.
Tag list: @hijirikaww @flowerboykun @stardragongalaxy @starillusion13 @flurrys-creativity @kitten4sannie @a-soft-hornytiny @mingsolo
#meetmeunderthecherrytree23#cultofdionysusnet#kvanity#kwritersworldnet#pirateeznet#ateez angst#park seonghwa angst#atz angst#seonghwa angst#ღatz#topaz's work
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The Good Part
Series: The Rotten Apple 🍎
The Book: TRH and Beyond!
The Pairings: Eleanor x Nico / Eleanor x M!OC) / Liam x Riley
Word Count: 4940
Warnings and Ratings: Teen: Mentions of mental illness, mention of character deaths
Song Inspiration: The Good Part by AJR
Summary: Nico comes to visit Eleanor and unknowingly brings a stowaway. Eleanor leaves the hospital to begin a new life in Greece.
Original Post: 08/21/22 at 10:50PM EST.
A/N: We are finally here at the first installment of the finale of this series. Again, I am really content with the story I’ve presented to you all so far, and I hope that you have enjoyed it too, and look forward to the conclusion for this little family I have created for Eleanor.
“Eleanor you’re beaming.”
“I’ve never felt quite like this before.”
“Tell me about what you’re feeling. Is it Nicolas? I heard he had visited."
Ellie’s smile widened.
“Nico wants me to come home to him and our daughter, Doctor Stanley. I didn’t think I had a home anywhere anymore.”
“How does that make you feel, Eleanor?”
“Incredibly happy.” Her smile faded. “Also sad at the same time.”
“Why sad?”
“Because I wonder, why does he love me? Why do they love me?”
“Why shouldn’t he? Why wouldn't they?”
"My own mother doesn't even love me, and she was supposed to be that person I was supposed to have an unbreakable bond with. She was supposed to unconditionally love me and she doesn’t. My father loves me now, only because he got to know me, but if he had known I wasn't his genetic child, he wouldn't have wanted me either. Do you know how hard it has been for me to find my own path in the world, when I know my parents would have ended my life before it began, because of my true lineage? I wasn't supposed to be in this world at all, Doctor Stanley."
"But you are Eleanor, so what are you going to do with that?"
“Try to change, because I’ve done horrible things that I’m sure you’re aware of. I am a bad person. I want to be the person they deserve.”
“Eleanor, look at me.”
Elle’s downcast eyes slowly drifted up to meet the eyes of her therapist.
“You are the person they deserve. But, you’ve also had horrible things happen to you. You were fractured long before you committed those crimes, and that was not your fault. It wasn’t. Being fractured does not make you bad, evil, or unworthy of love. It just makes you… a person. People fracture in a lot of ways, some are just not as clear as what happened to you. You said you were ready?”
“Yes."
"Then let's continue on this path talking about this, you’re doing great. This is exactly what I want you to do, you need to address these thoughts and feelings you have. You have to understand and acknowledge them, all of it! Grieve for it if you must, and move past them, to get to a healthier place. I believe you can get to a healthier place. One of the things we have to do which I know that really upsets you, is we have to talk more about your mother; A lot more. It’s not going to be easy, but it’s something we have to do. You have to forgive her, and yourself.”
“I don’t know how….”
“It’s going to take time Eleanor.”
Doctor Stanley increased Elle’s therapy sessions as Elle was finally benefitting from them, and talking during her sessions. After a month they were really beginning to make headway. Doctor Stanley thought it would be a very positive thing for Elle’s recovery for Nico to come back and visit, but also bring Ana with him. Elle refused. Doctor Stanley had already spoken to Nico and when he called her that evening, he tried to convince Elle as well.
“Elle please.”
“No Nico.”
“Don’t make me tell her no.”
“It’s out of the question. NO.”
“Doctor Stanley promised me they can make a nice little area for us to visit. We could even have a little picnic together, by the lake. Why don’t you let them show you what they can do for us, and then you can make your decision?”
“Because I don’t want our daughter to ever be near a building like this. Not even if she is coming to see me. This is not the place where I want her to meet me for the first time.”
“Elle, she’s not meeting you for the first time.”
“Birth doesn’t count Nico. Those first three months of her life don’t count because she doesn’t remember me from that. I am the only one with memories of her.”
“Elle, she knows I’m coming to see you. She’s going to be so hurt when I tell her no.”
“It’s for the best. You understand why, right?"
"I do Elle, but you're not the one who has to tell her no and see the look on her face. She doesn't care where we are Elle, just so long as we're all together. She just wants to see you, Elle. You're all she talks about now."
"I care Nico, and she will see me, when I…."
"Come home. You can say it Elle. It's going to happen. You have to believe it too."
"When I come home."
"I don't agree with you doing this Elle, but I understand why you feel this way. I'll see you on Saturday."
After hanging up with Elle he walked into Ana's room where she was reading a book. Nico sat on the edge of her bed.
Since he didn't speak, Ana ignored him and continued reading. But Nico was trying to find the right words to gently break the news to Ana.
"Ana?"
With a little sigh first, Ana looked up from her book as if she had been interrupted. Nico was getting sass from both the main women in his life.
"Yes Papa?"
"I want to talk to you about Saturday."
Ana's face immediately brightened and excitement completely illuminated her face.
"We're going to see Mommy! I can't wait! Can I wear my pink dress with the green flowers?"
"Honeybee, Mommy thinks it's best for you to wait until she's able to come home so she can see you."
The look on Ana's face broke his heart, when her eyes filled with tears.
"Mommy doesn't want to see me?"
"No! That's not it at all. Mommy just wants to wait so we can all have fun together and eat ice cream, and swim in the ocean. Stuff we can do here together, that we can't do there. Mommy can't wait to see you."
"Then you don't want me to go?"
"Ana, I want you to see Mommy. I know you want to go with me."
"Then let me go with you Papa, and we can surprise Mommy."
"Not this time Honeybee, I'm sorry."
He went to gently rub Ana's arm, she pushed him away.
"Ana, please don't be like that with me."
Ana turned away from him, cuddling one of her teddy bears. Nico gently rubbed her back.
"LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!" Ana screamed. Nico pulled his hand away and abruptly stood, walking towards the door, but he paused when he heard Ana's little sniffles.
"Honeybee…" He whispered softly.
"Go away Papa."
Nico softly closed the door behind him, leaning against it.
When Saturday morning rolled around, Ana didn't even want to eat breakfast with him before he left; Ana had plans of her own.
Elle
"Thank you for this, it's beautiful, Dr. Stanley."
"We had some clothes here for family visits, and this one looked like it would fit you. It's not much, I know you are used to garments made from finer materials than this.”
“That was a lifetime ago, it feels like, and to be honest a lot of it is overrated. Trust me when I say, I will never wear a corseted ball gown ever again. To be honest, I never felt very comfortable in that type of clothing anyway.”
Dr. Stanley smiled.
“We still want to give you access to the lake area for the afternoon, Since you and Nicolas look to be rekindling your relationship. It could be a nice little romantic afternoon for the two of you.”
Elle smiled. “I was thinking so too.”
“As long as you keep it PG.”
“Duly noted.”
Elle felt nervous getting ready. It was the first time she had seen Nico since his declaration of love…their declaration of love.
In the weeks that followed, she had been showered with calls from him and letters from both him, and Ana.
Ana.
Her little girl. The last time saw her in the flesh she could cradle her in her arms, and was dependent on her, for her very survival.
Now she was an independent child that could walk, talk, feed herself; she had grown up. Elle had missed so much.
She had spoken to Ana multiple occasions. When Nico gave Ana the phone to let her talk to Elle, he could barely get the phone back. Ana became a chatterbox and would recount for Elle everything she could remember from the last time they spoke. Elle loved every second of it, learning about Ana’s school, her cousins, the family, and every little thing her daughter thought was important enough to tell her. It was almost overwhelming for her to be showered with so much affection, but Nico and Ana were her family.
Staff had given Elle a little makeup which she used sparingly on her skin. It had been quite some time since Elle had worn her hair loose, she thought Nico might like that. Once Elle was ready she grabbed the little pink teddy bear before she left her room. It made her think of Ana, and she knew they would be talking about her a lot. She felt she needed that little extra comfort today.
Ana
Papa thought he was smart but so was she. Ana had an idea and she wasn’t taking no for an answer.
Ana had packed her little overnight bag the night before. She went to the closet and picked up her dress she wanted to wear for Mommy. She slipped it on and tied a little green ribbon in her hair the way her father had taught her to. She had one chance to get this right.
Ana waited until she heard the boat whistle to hop out of the window, to land on the porch, her foot falls masked by the loud whistle, and she ran as fast as her feet could carry her for her father's vehicle, using the spare key fob to unlock the vehicle. Papa always had a blanket in back, the perfect thing for her to hide under. She was great at hiding, and Papa wouldn't find her until it was too late. She was going to see Mommy today and nobody could stop her. Ana curled up into a tiny ball under the blanket, waiting for her father to leave.
Nico and Mama K
"Where is Ana? She's usually an early riser like you."
"She's still angry with me Mama. She wants to see Elle, but Elle doesn't want her to come to see her at the hospital."
"Children have funny memories sometimes. There are memories that you have of your father where you only remember the good parts. Or parts you remember of our family you remember the good parts. Do you remember that camping trip we had in the backyard? When we had flashlights and ate food we cooked by the fire?"
Nico smiled recollecting that time with his mother and sisters.
"Yes, it was one of my favorite weekends that we ever spent as a family."
"Nico, we had no electricity and barely any food. That's why we 'camped' outside. The temperature was cooler outside than it was in the house. You don't remember that part do you?"
"No…"
"I really don't think Ana would mind where she was or remember what you and Elle think are the big details if it was just you, Elle, and her, and she is spending time with her family."
Nico glanced at Ana's closed door.
"Are you going to say goodbye to her?"
Nico went up to her door and sheepishly knocked.
"Ana? I'm getting ready to leave. May I have a hug?"
There was silence on the other end.
"I know you're sad, and mad at me, and I'm sorry for that. I love you Honeybee."
There was still no response from Ana; He turned to face his mother.
"She's never been this angry with me that she just won't speak to me before. I'm just going to let her be. Give her a little space Mama. She was so upset. Can you make her favorite meal for me, and give her a kiss and a hug?"
"Of course Nico. She'll be fine. Talk to Elle. Tell her about your childhood. She will understand."
She glanced at the door, laughing softly.
"Wait until she's a teenager. All those emotions! And when she wants to start dating."
Mama K's laughter increased with the absolutely mortified look on Nico's face.
"She's not dating until she's thirty."
"But Elle will be there to help you with that part."
"I hope so, Mama."
Nico walked up to the vehicle, using his key fob to unlock the door.
The doors were already unlocked, which wasn't odd, but he was pretty sure the last time he had gotten out of his vehicle he locked it. Nico decided since his bag was small he decided to put it on the back seat, instead of in the trunk. In a few moments he was on his way.
The soft music and her father's singing lulled Ana to sleep in the back of the vehicle where she was hiding.
When Ana woke again, it was because her tummy was growling.
She had packed a snack and her favorite juice, eating silently as possible under the covers.
Nico's phone started ringing.
Nico slammed on the brakes, causing Ana to spill her juice.
"Mama, what do you mean Ana isn't there?!?" She has to be." Nico’s voice was panicked.
"She's not here, I have looked everywhere for her."
"Did you check her hiding place she likes to go and read?"
"Yes Nico, she's not there."
Nico cursed under his breath and sighed.
"I'm going to turn around and come back home. Elle will have to understand this is an emergency."
Nico smelled the strong scent of pineapple juice throughout the vehicle, Ana’s favorite juice that she loved to drink.
"Mama hold on a moment."
Nico had pulled his SUV over and got out walking back to the vehicle's trunk. Ana tried to stay as still as she could under the blanket.
"Ana?"
She didn't respond, but he noticed the blanket move a little. Nico yanked the blanket away.
"Ana!"
“Papa.”
"Mama! She's fine, she hid in my trunk! I'll call you back."
He looked down at Ana. His voice was stern when he spoke, but he truly wasn't angry with her, only angry for the fact she disobeyed him.
“Ana, I told you, it was for the best that you not come with me this time around.”
"I’m sorry, I just wanted to see her Papa, and I spilled my drink on my dress. I wanted to look pretty for Mommy, but I messed up.”
Ana burst into tears.
“Oh, Honeybee….”
Nico didn't hesitate for a moment and picked Ana up from the trunk, hugging her close to him, gently rubbing her back.
“Shhhh… it’s alright. We’ll get you cleaned up okay? It's not the dress that makes you pretty Honeybee. Mommy will think you're beautiful just as you are, just like I do. I promise.”
“Is Mommy going to be mad at me?”
“No Honeybee, she won't.”
If anything, Nico was pretty sure that she would be upset with him. He wiped Ana’s tears carrying her around to the back seat.
“Sit in your seat, I need to make a quick call.”
He stepped away from the vehicle, making a call to Elle’s doctor explaining the situation to Doctor Stanley.
“Nico, I believe Eleanor can handle it. She really wants to see Ana, but she is so afraid of Ana being close to the hospital. It’s almost like she has an irrational fear that the hospital is going to infect Ana with mental illness.”
“I know it’s short notice, but can you make up the area the way you all had planned for us?”
“Yes, and we'll add a few special things for Ana as well.”
“Thank you. I am so incredibly grateful for the things you are doing for us.”
“You’re welcome Nicolas. All these years, all the patients I’ve had, no one has made quite the impression on me that Eleanor has. I’ve met the deplorable that aren’t worth redemption, that shouldn’t be given a second chance in society. That’s never been Eleanor from the moment I met her, even though she tried to hide her true self all this time. I’ll be on standby just in case you all need me, but I don’t think you will. Eleanor wants to see her daughter desperately. I think it’s a good thing you had a little stowaway. This might be the push Eleanor needs to drive her over the threshold, seeing what she could truly have with the two of you, what it could be like, to really push herself that much harder towards healing herself.”
“Thank you again."
He went back to check on Ana. They stopped so that he could help Ana get cleaned up, and they drove to the ferry that would take them into Portavira. Both were nervous and excited, they were going to see Elle.
Elle
Elle sat at the small decorated picnic table facing the gate, waiting patiently for Nico to arrive, so she could see him the moment he walked through. She glanced around the area, there was an adorable little spot that was set up for a picnic, even a swing, and some games. She didn’t think she would be playing the games with Nico, but she remembered he liked to play chess. Elle was horrible at it.
Elle stood when she saw him walk through the gate, she smiled and waved when his eyes met hers. Nico smiled back at her. The gate remained open and Nico reached out his hand. Ana walked through the gate, taking his hand, and they proceeded towards Elle. The smile had faded from Elle’s face, replaced with a look of shock.
Nico’s heart was racing, Elle’s eyes were fixed on Ana.
“That’s my Mommy?” Ana asked him. Nico paused, kneeling down to her smiling in Elle’s direction.
“Yes, that’s your Mommy. She's beautiful isn't she?”
Ana nodded.
“She looks like a goddess Papa.”
Elle was beautiful in her simplicity. She was wearing a long flowing off the shoulder flower printed dress, and tan colored sandals. Her hair pinned up on one side by flowers and the rest cascaded over her shoulders and down her back.
“I always thought so too. Let's go say hi to her. She's waiting on us for once. Are you ready?”
Ana patted down her hair, and straightened her dress.
"I'm ready Papa."
They walked over to where Elle was standing.
"Nico…"
"Elle.."
"Please don't be mad at Papa. I didn't obey, because I wanted to see you."
"You wanted to see me?" Elle asked, her eyes filled with tears.
Ana nodded. "May I hug you Mommy?"
"I would really like that."
Ana let go of Nico's hand to throw her arms around Elle.
Finally the tears that filled her eyes rolled down her cheeks in rivers, as she hugged Ana. Nico stepped forward to wipe Elle's tears.
"I'm sorry… this is what I really wanted." She whispered to him. Ana’s grip around her tightened.
"Well good thing, your daughter is just as stubborn as you."
"Good thing." Elle directed her attention to Ana. “What would you like to do first? I don’t have much here, but we could eat lunch, we could play games, maybe swing for a little bit.”
“You can pick Honeybee, whatever you want us to do first.”
“Can we eat? I’m hungry.”
“I knew you’d say that. She didn’t eat breakfast.”
“I’m glad you said that, I’m hungry too. I didn’t eat breakfast either. And you’ll have to tell me how you got into your Papa’s car without him seeing you.”
Nico sat at the table thinking Ana would sit next to him, instead she sat close to Elle.
“Is she allergic to anything Nico?”
“No she isn’t, and she’s not a picky eater at all.”
“Giagiá is the best cook. Papa cooks okay.”
“Papa cooks just okay?!?!?! You always clean your plate when I cook for you!!!”
Elle laughed.
“Can you cook?” Ana asked her.
“Ana.” Nico’s voice was slightly stern when he saw the embarrassed blush on Elle’s cheeks.
“It’s okay, Nico. No Ana, I don’t know how, but I can learn.”
“That’s okay, I can help, so can Papa, and Giagiá won’t let us be hungry.”
Elle smiled and eyes widened as Ana told the story of how she had sneaked out of the house early that morning and hid in the back of Nico’s car.
Nico smiled as Ana continued talking to Elle.
He had never seen Ana open up so much to someone almost so immediately, or Elle for that manner.
She chuckled harder at Nico’s surprised face, and his slack jaw.
“You are quite the escape artist.”
Elle smiled. “The apple didn’t fall far from the tree. That sounds like your Papa.”
Ana rested her head on Elle. Elle seemed surprised at first but embraced her.
“I’m so glad you’re here right now Ana.”
After they ate, they played checkers, then with the frisbee. Both Elle and Ana took off their sandals to run and play in the grass. As much as Nico had wanted to spend some time with Elle to figure out what all this was truly going to mean for them, he knew this time with them together rebonding was more important. He had Ana for years, Elle only had the afternoon getting to know their daughter. So Nico let go of the little twinges of jealousy he had with Ana choosing to be close to Elle, and he hung back and let Ana and Elle have that special time together.
“I have something for you. If you don’t like it, that's okay; I’ll understand. You might not even like them anymore.”
“Like what?” Ana inquired.
Elle held out the little pink teddy bear for Ana to take.
“It used to be yours when you were a baby, but you left it. So I kept it for you. It used to smell like you.”
“I love it! Thank you!” Ana hugged Elle again, then afterwards hugged the bear close breathing in the bear’s fur.
“Now it smells like you Mommy.”
Ana was the very best parts of the two of them. Nico had been a wonderful father to her. Elle could not be sad or upset that though her daughter had missed her, she had really flourished in Nico’s care. Nico had surrounded her with family and love.
“I think there’s a hammock swing calling our name.”
“Yes, that sounds perfect.”
They all got into the hammock, getting comfortable in the warm afternoon air. Ana cuddled closer to Elle, resting her head on Elle’s chest.
Ana in turn pulled Nico's arm to drape over her, and Elle, causing him to pull the two of them closer to him in an embrace. Ana was quite the little match maker. She always had been. Elle thought back to that night Nico held them both in his arms, so she could get some rest. Elle closed her eyes for a moment. They were her little family. They were hers. Elle felt safe, and content.
“Papa, tell me our story.”
“You’ve heard it a thousand times Honeybee.”
“Then we can hear it a thousand plus one times!”
“Fine fine fine. I’ll tell it only if you help me tell it. Will you help me, Honeybee?”
“Yes Papa I will!!!”
“Okay, we’ll take turns. I’ll start us off. Once upon a time there was a very beautiful princess, who lived in a castle, and she was the fairest of them all.”
“That’s you Mommy.”
Elle listened to both Nico and Ana take turns telling parts of the story, the story of the two of them, in a way that Ana could understand; He had even told her about Nicolai. He had been so very honest with Ana, over the years about everything.
"What happens next?” Elle asked during the pause.
“It’s your turn Honeybee.”
Ana was silent.
"Honeybee?" Nico whispered.
“I think she fell asleep, Nico, with her ear to my heart like she used to do when she was a baby. It’s like she remembers that.”
“Honestly, I think deep down she does. She’s shy around people, Elle and seeing the way she just opened up to you so immediately is very uncharacteristic of her. I know my daughter. I watch her very closely. She is only that open with people she knows. That part of her is you, Elle. She is very similar to you, and it runs deeper than just her features. I used to read a lot, and wondered what she would remember, if she could remember you. Everything I read said she would forget. But for the longest time, before she could talk, and even after she began speaking, she would just look around the room, almost frantic at times, like she was looking for something, for someone, and I firmly believe in my soul, she was looking for you Elle, and she looked heartbroken that she couldn’t find you.”
“Nico…”
“So, on her first birthday, I started telling her about you, in the form of a bedtime story.”
“Thank you for being the father to her that I knew you would be. I heard my father visits her.”
“He does.”
“Alone?”
“Yes.”
“I figured as much.”
“Elle… Queen Riley….”
Elle’s body tensed in his arms.
“I don’t want to talk about her, not here, not now.”
Ana woke up a little while later, and Elle knew they would be coming out soon to take her back inside. She made the best of the remaining time they had together, now that Ana was awake again. When the sun was starting to set, two orderlies headed in their direction. It was time. Elle glanced at Nico.
“Ana, it’s time for us to go.”
“But I don’t want to. I want to stay.”
Elle kneeled. “I know. I don’t want either of you to go. But we’ll be together again soon, I promise. Until then, Lady Cupcake can keep you company.”
“Lady Cupcake?”
“Yes, I gave Lady Cupcake lots of hugs, so when you hug her, she’ll give one of my hugs back to you. So it will be like you’re hugging me while you’re away. But for now, can I have one more hug before you go, one that I can hold on to?”
Nico stood back letting the two hug each other. When it was his turn, he embraced Elle once more.
“We’ll be back in a few weeks.”
“Alright.”
“Aren’t you going to kiss her Papa?”
“She’s a little matchmaker like her Aunt Liberty.”
“That’s not necessarily a bad thing.” Nico whispered.
Both laughed for a moment before their eyes met.
Nico slipped his arms around her. “I mean look where we are right now.”
“You’re exactly right.”
Elle closed her eyes when Nico closed in for a kiss, setting her whole body on fire.
Elle didn’t want to let go of him when the kiss deepened, but was compelled to after a few moments when she heard one of the orderlies lightly clear their throat. Elle pulled away from him.
“I have to go.” She whispered.
Nico pulled her close, kissing her again for a few moments. He pulled away when he heard them call her name.
“We’ll see you in a few weeks.”
“I’ll be waiting.”
Elle watched Nico and Ana until they were at the gate, before she headed inside.
Doctor Stanley was correct in her assumption, Elle seeing Ana and Nico and having that time together and subsequent times afterwards had emotionally propelled Elle to push herself in ways leading her towards a healthy lifestyle outside of the hospital.
“What if I can’t do it?”
“But what if you can, why are you afraid of that Eleanor?”
“Because she needs me, and I don’t want to disappoint her. I don’t want her to hate me, because I can’t give her what she needs. I don’t want to lose her. Lose them again.”
“You won’t. You are not your mother Eleanor. Do you realize, from the moment Ana was born, actually before she was born, you have put her first? You have been selfless, and you chose to be here when this was not where you wanted to be, because you wanted a life with your daughter someday. You can do this Eleanor. Greece is where you need to be, with your family. You said the happiest time of your life was when you spent time with Nico in Greece, and when the two of you were caring for Ana.”
“Yes.”
“You can have it all Eleanor, you’ll be home before your daughter’s eighth birthday.”
“I could make her a cake. I don’t know how, but I know I could do it.”
“You can do it. Nico will be here in the morning to pick you up.”
“He’s in Portavira already?”
“Yes he’s here. Here is the name of a therapist locally to you, that you will start weekly check ins with.”
“This is really happening isn’t it?”
“Yes it is, Eleanor you’re going home.”
Since Elle was leaving this part of her life behind, she decided to donate most of her clothes. She had come to the hospital with the clothes on her back, now she was leaving the same way.
“Ready to go home?” Nico asked.
“Yes. Let’s go home.”
#bebepac writes#the rotten apple 🍎#elle x nico#evil ellie rys#evil drake#choices fanfiction#fic of the week#choices fic writers creations#choices fanfic#choices fandon#crown princess ellie
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Interview With a Writer
Thank you @jacevelaryonswife for answering my questions and allowing us an in-depth look into how you created this wonderful story! 💜
This series is just a BTS of some of the talented minds on Tumblr and ao3; you can look over the masterlist to see the other amazing authors I have spoken with, with other writing tidbits.
Name: jacevelaryonswife
Story: Golden and Silver, my new colors
Paring: Aemond Targaryen x Wife!reader
Rating/Warning: Angst, mature content, pregnancy, some reader’s thoughts may be a little aggressive to the topic of pregnancy, spiteful reader, smut.
So, when did you being writing?
I started when I was 15. My first platform was on wattpad and my first fandom was The Vampire Diaries and The Originals. Most of it is archived now, but it was such a good time.
Where did the plot for Gold and Silver, my new colors come from?
Soooo, I always liked to create strong female readers and OCs that make men work to have them. I was coming across a lot of stories with Aemond where he’s always the dom, who has control over the whole situation, and don’t get me wrong, I love Dom!Aemond, but I also like the prospect of seeing him fight for something he wants and reveal his weaknesses.
I wanted to write to this reader who was a little mouse frightened by creation, what she received from her parents, but who gets tired of receiving such indifference from her husband and the people around her, and starts confronting these situations.
Did you already have the entire story planned out from the beginning?
Would you believe it was supposed to be a one shot?
I’m serious. It had been a long time since I wrote fics with more than one chapter and concluded them, so I thought of summarizing it all in a one shot and just leaving the rest to people’s imagination, but then I saw the potential of the idea and thought–Why fucking not? I knew where I wanted to go, but I never had a defined plot, so it was an adventure every chapter.
I really wanted them to end well, I never thought about leaving them fighting or that the reader wouldn’t forgive him. I think the story got exactly where I wanted it and that’s very gratifying!
Was there anything in specific that inspired your Reader portrayal?
I don’t think so, I just think my influence is from all the strong characters I’ve ever read, especially from asoiaf, who have a more solid and less restrained posture. The Dornish are my greatest inspirations. Meria Martell? Queen shit. Arianne? Love her. Aliandra? Nymeria? Please 💙
Can you explain your interpretation of Aemond. What drives him? Why is he the way he is in G&S?
He’s a mix between Fire & Blood and House of the Dragon, but mostly show.
He knows about his duty of get married and have a family, but it’s hard for him to expose his vulnerability and let you into his life and mind; he just can’t be a good husband for fear of being rejected mainly because of his appearance. He knows he’s neglecting the reader, he knows it’s wrong, but he thinks it’s the best way not to get hurt, until when the announcement of his pregnancy is made he tries to remedy things so as not to be a flawed father, but then it’s the reader’s turn to push him away and he really hates it, so the whole drama begins.
Do you feel your Reader complements Aemond well?
Difficult question. I don’t think they’re perfect for each other, but they strive for it. The reader imagines the insecurities that her husband may have and tries to comfort him about it, while Aemond knows his wife’s dissatisfaction with a woman’s position and although he has not gone through it, he tries to soften the situation and understand it.
I think this is the core of their relationship, trying to understand what’s going on with your partner so that the relationship works.
Will there be a sequel? Or another WIP you would like to share?
Not a sequel, but maybe a one shot with Naerys as a kid and her protective daddy 💙 I am also working on a one shot with dark!vampire Aemond.
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You Belong to Me (a/k/a “girl fight”) - Part 2
Tim desperately wants to crawl into the hospital bed with Lucy. But because his mind is spinning from the past 8 hours, he stops himself and hangs his head. She’s out of surgery and recovery, now sleeping from some heavy duty painkillers. She’s got butterfly tape covering a small set of stitches at her hair line and a big gauze pad covering the slice Ashley’s nail cut across her left cheek. Her left arm and shoulder got the worst of it with multiple lacerations and there’s one long slice along her upper back that’s got extra padding so she can lay down without irritating the wound. Tim is just sitting next to her holding her hand and gently rubbing her knuckles whispering, “ I’ve got you Lucy. I love you so much.”
Tim has had a long conversation with the plastic surgeon about the extent of the cuts, how they were sewn shut, and post stitches care. He also spoke with Susan, the surgeon’s girlfriend - who grew up with Ashley and Bailey- She apologized for her friend, gave Tim a long hug and told him “we all love Lucy, even after only knowing her 20 minutes. She’s lovely and so lucky to have you.”
Finally, during Lucy’s last hour of surgery, he had spoken to Ashley. Fucking Ashley. Pfff. Angela and Nyla had to get him into his cop mode and out of “raging Lucy protector” mode as they were wiring him up. Reminding him of the questions they needed answering and how “tearing her limb from limb” wouldn’t help him or Lucy. Sitting next to her chair, waiting for her to wake up had been the polar opposite of waiting for Lucy to wake up after the “Caleb” situation. He did not want to be there, but he was glad he was there when her father arrived. Tim had always liked Jerry, so it was easy to explain to him what happened, and thankfully the warrant for Tim’s wire covered all conversations in the room, not only those between Ashley and Tim.
Jerry had been relieved that his daughter was ok, horrified that she had attacked Lucy, and sweet to Tim who was swimming in guilt. “Son - you can’t choose who you love. That’s the magic of love, finding someone who sees all of you and loves you anyway. I’m so glad you realized that was Lucy for you. I had an inkling. “
As Ashley began to stir, Tim looked her over once more - she had a few little round band aids on her cheek and arm, a massive black eye and welt from Nyla’s fist, bruising around her eyes, a nose brace holding her reconstructed nose in place, and she was weirdly lounging because of the gouge in her hip. Thankfully the glass missed her sciatic nerve, so no nerve damage. Tangling with a cobra was never a good idea.
Tim sat far away from the bed, seething, watching Ashley wake up. She opened her good eye, saw Tim and started to smile until she reached for him and heard the clang of the hand-cuff and felt her arm jolt from being stopped by it. She frowned and juggled her arm trying to get free. Then looked back at Tim, asking “wh-what’s going on? Why am I handcuffed? And why are you sitting all the way over there? Come closer and sit with me and give me a kiss!”
TIM: (rolled a little closer on his stool, but made no move to touch her) Ashley. You are handcuffed because you were in a fight last night. Do you remember that?”
ASHLEY: “A fight? Where? I was at Bailey’s bachelorette party. (Angela, listening in the other room, “gotcha”) Weren’t we all attacked by a mob of people? The last thing I remember was standing around talking to Bailey and then something slammed me upside my head. But that wouldn’t account for the handcuff. I-I don’t understand.”
TIM: “Do you remember where everyone was standing when the mob hit? (He remembered how Lucy told him sometime the fastest way to de-escalate a situation is to perpetuate their delusion). That must have been scary for you. “
ASHLEY: “I - um - I checked my coat and walked to the group, we were like standing in a half-moon kind of formation, reminded me of cheering in high school. I walked up to Liza, who was next to Susan I think. Then Bailey and Angela…. I could see Nyla opposite me and someone in red between us. “ Tim could see when her memory became clear on her face. She closed her eyes and when she opened them, she was glaring at Tim. “Why are you here really? Did someone tell you Lucy and I got into it? She attacked me, saying some nonsense about how she could love you better than I do, that you and she were fucking behind my back? I knew it. How could you choose her over me? You said we were magic one week and then the next it wasn’t going to work? Complete bullshit. SHE attacked me. I defended myself. Please go. “
Tim’s anger seeped out of him as she spoke. He could tell that she didn’t go there planning to attack Lucy, but that she’s not sorry she did so and she’s completely self absorbed. She never asked about her friends post mob-attack. Angela said “show her the tape” in his ear.
TIM: “One of your party mates taped the whole thing. Let me hit play for you so you can better understand the handcuffs.” Tim played the video for Ashley on her iPad. She gasped and started to cry. “No, no, SHE attacked me. SHE ATTACKED ME!” She looked at Tim and said saw his face, really saw him and his disgust. “Lawyer.”
Tim got up and left and never looked back.
———————-
Coming back to Lucy’s room the nurse told him she should be waking up soon, so Tim said fuck it to himself and took off his shoes and belt from his jeans and crawled into the bed with her, carefully wrapping himself around, through and between various cords - until she was laying on him and he had his head tucked into her neck and his arms encircled her.
Lucy felt the change in temperature from the cool sheets to the very warm body wrapped around her first. She wasn’t scared, she felt safe and loved and a little turned on. Haha. Whomever this was wrapped around her was solid and was kissing her neck and murmuring about love and always and sorry. Well, that sounded like Tim. She wanted to chuckle. How lucky was she to wake up wrapped in Tim? I love him so much. I need to tell him. Ow. Why can’t I move my arm? OMG - if he keeps kissing me there I just might die. Seriously OW! My cheek hurts and my arm and my shoulder. What? No I don’t want to wake up from my Tim-saturated-taylor-swift-soundtrack- existence.
Tim felt her wake up… as her eyes were opening, he leaned in and started gently kissing her while repeating “thank god. I love you so much and am never letting go. I love you Lucy. I love you.”
Lucy opened her eyes and saw two big blue ones belonging to her favorite person twinkling at her. Then they closed and she felt his lips on hers and heard him repeatedly say I love you. Damn. This was by far the best way to wake up. Ever! She kissed him back and said “I love you too.” She would have stayed like that forever, but heard a loud AHEM. They both turned in unison to see Bailey and Angela standing there grinning. Angela stepped forward and said, “ Hi Lucy, I can see Tim found you. I have a couple questions to ask you about last night and then Bailey has one and THEN you two can go back into your little bubble, ok?”
Lucy shifted away from Tim and looked at the two ladies, winced, and said, “Yes of course. I remember everything. I am happy to answer all of your questions. Is Ashley ok? I remember a lot of blood under her. “
Tim had maneuvered his hands strategically under Lucy’s hospital gown so he was caressing her skin. So soft. He closed his eye and imagined all of his love and devotion being transferred into Lucy with the gentlest of touches, so she’d feel safe and loved while answering Angela’s questions.
Once done, his hand slid lower to the crease between he leg and thigh and he watched her eyes darken….
Bailey noticed and chuckled. “Before y’all sink into your r-rated love fest, I need to ask Lucy a question. Lucy - since I am now down a bridesmaid, would you consider stepping in as a replacement? I’ll get your measurements and we’ll have the dress made. You won’t have to do anything except walk down the aisle with your groomsman, who I’m guessing is about to put his hands down your pants.”
Lucy blushed then nodded yes.
Bailey chuckled again, and paused. “Before I go, I just want to show you something here - she points to her forehead and here - she points to her clavicle. I was in a bad car accident a couple years ago that could have left me with terrible scars. My friend Susan made a fuss on my behalf, asking to speak to the “plastics” guy on call - who turned out to be a certain surgeon - who instantly felt about her the way you guys feel now about each other. To impress her, he worked on me for free. Do you see any scars? No? The next time we go swimming remind me, and I’ll point out the barely there white scars. The guy is brilliant. So I know it might be scary now looking at the stitches, but it won’t always be like that. The scars will only linger if you let them.”
Lucy watched Bailey go and smiled. She then turned to Tim and said, “ I know we need to have a conversation. But right now, all I want is to be here with you loving me. I love you too always and forever, and in the words of Taylor Swift and Patsy Cline - you belong to me.”
#chenford#i love them#tim x lucy#tim bradford#lucy chen#i love this so much#things that are awesome#you belong to me
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I finally watched Yugioh The Dark Side of Dimensions and it was AMAZING~! I’m so happy I was finally able to both finish the original anime recently, and watch the film! Ever since it came out I’ve seen screenshots of it and gifs but knew I wanted to wait until I watched the anime!
!!!(SPOILERS AHEAD)!!!
Seto definitely stole the show! I love how over the top he is, and how he acts so nonchalant about how ridiculous he is! But at the same time I admire him for achieving his dreams (building a space station… sure, why not???). And oh my gosh I actually felt so bad for him…like when Yugi was trying to tell him that Atem is gone…and Seto couldn’t accept that. Because of course he’s grieving Atem in his own way, and doesn’t have the support of friends unlike Yugi. And yet I know that Seto definitely considers Yugi a friend (especially after the events of the movie). That was ridiculously sweet. I’m not a huge Seto fan (I don’t hate him, but he’s not my fav), and yet this film made me understand him better. Oh God, I can’t allow myself to be converted to being a Seto fan ahhhh. Not after having to fight millions of Setos on Duel Links and losing XC to his dumb dragons!!!
Speaking of dumb dragons (sorry but Blue Eyes White Dragons are my enemies after being stomped by them too many times), I liked the dragon designs in the film!!! Very cool! Some reminded me of Stardust Dragon (I think that’s the name). And the new Magicians were cool, especially the Dark Magician variant (I always use that on Duel Links already). And the final card that was played to win against corrupted Diva, coincidentally I’ve been using that in a deck recently so I was overjoyed to see one of my fav cards be the final card that saves the day!!! I had no idea that card was even in the film!!!!!!!
Diva was awesome, and has a fantastic design!!! Definitely an interesting antagonist.
My fav Yugioh character is Yami Bakura (specifically TKB) so now let me talk about Ryou! I LOVED that his father was shown. I actually didn’t know his dad was even in the film. Specifically about what happened to him and his greed. That was super interesting and gives so much more depth to Ryou! But also a lot of questions too! He must have grown up by himself—well not alone, but with the ring! Since I heard somewhere that his mother and sister are also not around… It was excellent that we got to see little Yami Bakura being horrid and scary! I love how creepy he looked!
I am sad we didn’t get to see the Thief King or Yami Bakura (older version). I don’t consider the corrupted version of Diva to have been a portrayal. I guess he had the hair of TKB??? But he didn’t act like either of them. Which makes me wonder if the spirit of Bakura left the ring, so all that was left behind was darkness of Zorc and the ghosts of the village. I think it would have been cool for Bakura and Ryou to have spoken one last time, to mirror Yugi and Atem, but I know that’s what fanfic is for haha.
Anyway, it was a fantastic film! It gave me such good vibes! Hard to describe but it’s the vibes that old Pokémon films give me. It was an excellent sequel to the anime! And now I wish that the original manga would get adapted (I’m still reading that) or that they make a film involving Yami Bakura/TKB. Imagine seeing TKB in the stunning art style of the film ooooh <3
Anyway, I’m gonna treasure this film!!!!!!!!
#Yugioh the dark side of dimensions#yugioh#seto kaiba#yugi mutou#yami bakura#ryou bakura#ygo#ygo tdsod#neku speaks#neku watches#yugioh anime#yugioh film
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So I got a phone call from my university police saying that my father was trying to reach me and that there was an emergency regarding my mom. Knowing her she’s probably in the hospital with a damaged liver or probably got jumped from instigating fights. I don’t particularly not care but I don’t want to hear about it. Every single time my family enters my life, they bring trauma and chaos. First of all, the two times my dad tried to reach out it’s been to tell me some dumb shit like “you got jury duty.” If you’re gonna go through all the effort to contact me, how about a “hope you’re safe, miss you.” I don’t get any of that, I get angry phone calls and bad news and then blamed for not responding in the way they wanted. I told the man on the phone that I don’t wanna hear whatever urgent news they had to tell me and he sounded confused like, how could I NOT want to drop everything and hear some tragic bit of information about a woman I haven’t spoken to in years?? Why can’t my family understand that I want nothing to do with them. It’s not some, “I’m gonna live my life, keep me posted” situation. I didn’t flee the state, get a new phone, rent an apartment and get a real job to “stay posted.” I can’t know ANYTHING, because if I even think I caught a glimpse of one of them, I end up having an intense panic attack. Once I hung up the phone, at work, I started dissociating and though I wanted to go home, I chose to stay. But now my weekend is ruined because I keep thinking about seeing my brother and that look on his face at 11th street station, the line that stops in front of a hospital. And the fact that my aunt tried to call me on Instagram yesterday. And now this. And all I want to do is throw up.
If there was something wrong with her, why would I want to visit?? She’s the one that refuses to speak to me. She’s the one who drove me away. She’s the problem and if I show up, I’m gonna hear a mouthful from my grandmom, “oh now you’re part of the family? Now you show up?” But if I don’t show up, I’ll still hear about it, “She’s so disrespectful, didn’t even visit your mother in the hospital.” Tell me what the fuck I’m supposed to do?!? That’s just the problem with these people, everything I do is wrong. All the time.
The utter silence from them has been heaven. For once, I could just focus on my own happiness. Yet they always manage to drop a shit-fill paper bag at my doorstep and run. Then I have to clean it up alone. I really can never escape them. Everything I’ve done to get away keeps failing. I’m forever trapped here and that’s just the problem. I can’t breathe ‘cause of these people.
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callback
SELF-PARA ; jinnie calls her father back with an answer.
it had been a while since that dreaded conversation and jinnie had spent most of it not knowing what to do. shouldn’t it be easy to tell her appa no ? he didn’t have a right to ask her for anything. he’d left her and their family high and dry nearly two decades ago. they struggled because of his choices. it wasn’t fair that he got to pretend like none of that happened. still, she never did well with telling people no — even when they deserved one. her empathy often times made her too complacent. depending on who was judging her, her kindness could be seen as a strength or a weakness.
her hands trembled as she dialed back the unfamiliar number, exhaling sharply as the phone began to ring. no amount of rehearsal could prepare her for this conversation. even after talks with her family and loved ones over what to do, the brunette wasn’t sure what words would end up spilling out of her mouth once her father answered the—
“ yunjin-ah. you finally called back. ”
jinnie’s grip tightened on the phone, trying to contest with the sick feeling in the pit of her stomach. her father’s voice should fill her with joy but instead, a gnawing anxiety chewed away at her on the inside.
“ yes, appa. ”
“ good. i knew you wouldn’t abandon me. ”
the word abandon made her flinch. is that what she was doing if she gave the man the answer she really wanted to give him ? would he really see it as forsaking him ? for a moment, she was at a lost for words, all too afraid to speak and say the wrong thing. jinnie didn’t want to hurt anyone, especially her own father. but a part of her kept nagging away that what would really be hurting him would be to enable his behavior without consequences.
“ i’d never abandon you. ” her voice cracked on the short sentence. if she spoke for too long, she felt like she was going to cry.
“ of course you wouldn’t. my little sunflower. always the sweetest of us all. your brother and sister could learn from you. ”
jinnie bristled at that. she would accept attacks on her character with a bow of her head, but it upset her way more coming towards her loved ones. jihoon and sunhi didn’t have a single thing to learn from her. if anything, she had been the one who always learned from them: how to treat others with respect, how to survive in school, how to stand up for herself. . .
( she hardly ever abided by the last one. she’d always been too afraid to. but there was always a first time for everything. )
“ i’ve decided. . . to not give you the money. ” jinnie breathed out.
the silence that followed was so chilling. she had to glance at the screen to make sure her father hadn’t hung up. he hadn’t. but for one solid minute, he didn’t utter a word. she’d never done well with too much quiet. the urge to fill it with words, laughter, anything took over her.
“ are you still there ? ” he’d asked her that once before, and now it was her turn.
no response came, and that only made her more anxious.
“ i-i just don’t feel comfortable doing so. ” he said he was sick, but her family reminded her that he was a habitual liar. he’d never gotten help for his gambling addiction or need for alcohol. it was too much of a risk to give him that kind of money. especially when her father had the tendency to do more harm then help to himself. “ please understand, appa. ”
still, no words were spoken. jinnie blinked back tears, chest tightening the more the silence went on. she was finding it harder to breathe.
“ i’m sorry. ” why are you apologizing ? you did nothing wrong. that would have been the response if this was one of her loved ones on the phone. it wasn’t, though. her father was a practical stranger to her. jinnie doubted if he knew anything about her. he didn’t know her favorite meal or what movie she watched when she was sad. he wasn’t aware of her sensitivities and discomforts. she wanted him to know. god, she wished for that more than anything. however, the truth was clear in that moment. . . he’d left before he could ever understand her.
he’d abandoned her. not the other way around.
“ maybe we should get together to talk properly. this doesn’t feel right to do over the phone— ”
click.
the phone was lowered from her ear, wide sad eyes staring down at her lock screen in disbelief. him hanging up on her felt so abrupt, like it couldn’t be the end. almost immediately, jinnie dialed his number back. the continuous ringing droned on and on in her ear like sinister music. all she wanted was to hear his voice again, even if it was just to scold her. but she simply got an automated voicemail message.
so, she hung up and tried again. and again and again. five times, jinnie dialed her father’s number back, listening to the same monotonous ringing and robotic voice with tears in her eyes. each time, she felt more and more desperate to get ahold of him but no answer ever came. the man had seemingly disappeared out of her life just as easily as he’d reentered. it shouldn’t have shocked her, or hurt her as much as she did — but she wouldn’t have been her if she didn’t feel the depths of her emotions.
in that moment, jinnie felt the same as she did when she was four years old. waiting at the door for her father to return.
of course, he never did.
and now as she listened to the phone ring on and on, jinnie realized that he never really would.
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Dear Son
My old father wrote me a letter that I got by surprise through my mailbox. I didn’t even know that he knew my address. And I had not spoken to him in over 30 years. And his letter said this:
Dear Son.
I’m ill these days and I wanted to send you a message before I go because there are many things I regret. I also know that this is far too late to be sending you a letter like this. But I wanted to send it all along. And it’s up to you if you want to accept it or not.
I have cancer of the liver and I don’t have very long to live. And I know that you also know why this particular cancer is the case. I remember how mean I was to you when you were little. And your mother, too. I didn’t appreciate her and I gave her up too easily. And I should have sent you more money when you lived with her down south. I did really love your mother. She remains among the most beautiful women I’ve ever met. You probably know that more than I do. Remember her blonde hair? It was yellow like wheat fields in summer, oh, it was so glorious. But I was too arrogant to care about all of that and I got sidetracked by other people at the theatre.
Your mother never really got into the whole theatre thing. I don’t thing she was interested. And when I met all of these other people then I drifted away from her, and you. My career was going this one way, and her another.
And then when she moved south with you I wasn’t able to completely keep in touch with her. She hated me. I understand why. I sent her gifts for her birthday and I would call the flat you lived in. But after the first few calls she didn’t pick up the phone. And then one time when I did answer it was this man speaking and so I assumed she had moved on. And I sent along some presents for your 2nd birthday. But I never got any answer to whether you received them, so I didn’t know if you ever got them. Did you?
I found you through social media. And I asked your Aunty Veronica who I also found through Facebook, to send me your postal address. I hope you’re not offended, son, at me contacting you this way: I just thought it would be more ‘romantic’ if you got a letter from me rather than hearing through me via something as dumb as a Facebook thing.
Of course, it must be mentioned that I really do miss your mother. And I thoroughly regret not being able to come to her funeral a few years back. It was Veronica who told me that she had passed away. I cried a lot when I learned how she had passed. And I wanted to come down. But I just wasn’t able to make the date down due to the tough schedule at the theatre.
Here I am, talking all about me. I should be asking about you! How are you doing in life? Veronica said that you work at the university? That is amazing. I never had any valve for academia, because I’m more of a bohemian man. Haha. Did you ever try any of the arts yourself? Are you creative in any way? I’d be keen to know. You seemed like a shy baby but I hope you’ve become an extroverted adult. Please write back and tell me about your life. Do you have a wife? My phone number is -------------- and I would love it if you gave me a call.
Once again. I am so sorry that I haven’t been with you in life. And if somebody had invented a time machine then I would have gone back a long while and done things differently with your mother and you, my little boy.
I regret, also, that nobody ever knew about you fully.
Because I’m getting a lot of animosity from the magazine people about this son that they never knew about. That nobody has ever known about. I have tried several times to tell them that it was your mother that left me and took you south. Well, you know the story as well. The reporters keep badgering me for your whereabouts. And I haven’t told them yet where you are now.
But perhaps if you could come up here then we could meet them together and we could do a piece with the newspapers? The culture papers, I mean. The best ones.
They would really love a story like that. And I can pay you for coming up. And, since I won’t be alive much longer, I can discuss what I could leave left with you in my will? There are several assets I could pass on to you, if you’d be willing to come up.
In the other paper I’ve left you the contact details of my lawyer and, well, me, haha. Please get in touch by phone or email. I must add that I will have to know soon. For obvious reasons.
The newspapers would like to speak to you and know your story. And I know this one especial reporter who has interviewed me before and I’ve played golf with him a few times. A nice chap. I’m sure you’d love to meet him. It would be beneficial for both of us to do this whole thing.
Best Wishes
Your Father.
I read all of this in a oner. At the kitchen table when I was home alone.
And I didn’t tell my wife about it when she came home. I’d hidden the letter in my bedroom and didn’t want anybody else to see it and I did not open up to anybody about it until long after my father had died.
Alas, there was no response to his letter. Why the fuck would I respond to a letter like that?
#writeblr#creative writing#prose#writers on tumblr#stories#short fiction#tumblr writers#fiction#short story#spilled ink#spilled stories#fables
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It may put Joe Satriani out of a gig, but he's with Wolfgang Van Halen when it comes to the prospect of any sort of tribute concert or tour for Van Halen and his late father, Eddie Van Halen.
Wolfgang recently told Britain's Classic Rock that a reunion of Van Halen alumni — his uncle and drummer Alex Van Halen, bassist Michael Anthony and singers David Lee Roth and Sammy Hagar — would be difficult because "their camp is very dysfunctional – everyone! – hell, it was difficult to make plans even when the band was active."
The Mammoth WVH leader said he also felt "a lot of closure" after covering Van Halen songs with Foo Fighters at last month's Taylor Hawkins tribute concerts. "My part of the show was a tribute to my father," he added. "I feel that I’ve said my piece, and if the Taylor concerts are all that happens then I’m happy with that."
Now, Satriani — who had been invited by Roth and Alex Van Halen to be the guitarist for a tribute tour — tells UCR he concurs.
"When I saw Wolfgang playing at the Taylor Hawkins benefit, I thought it was the most natural, beautiful thing I'd seen in a long time," says Satriani, who's currently on tour promoting his latest album, April's The Elephants of Mars. "It was such a wonderful thing to see him play his dad's music like that, and he's such an incredible musician. I thought, 'Well, if the thing is ever gonna happen, he should do it.' It just seemed more natural than reaching out to somebody like me."
"So, the world should just wait for him to make up his mind how he wants to do it, and we should leave him alone, let him figure out the best time and place for it," the guitarist continues. "Whatever he comes up with will be the best way to do it, I think."
Satriani, who played with Hagar and Anthony in the band Chickenfoot, admits he was cautiously intrigued when Alex Van Halen and Roth called him with the tribute tour offer.
"I jokingly told them on that first phone call that if I had half a brain I'd hang up right away and not accept such a crazy offer, 'cause nobody can replace Eddie, and whoever tries to do it is gonna get a whole lot of negativity from the world of social media," he says. "But I heard myself saying 'yes' before my better judgment kicked in, because I am such a fan of Eddie and his work, and I thought, 'Wow, it would be such a great labor of love to dive into that and try to understand the essence what he was doing for each song.'"
As for the challenge of learning Van Halen's robust catalog, Satriani says: "I can kind of figure out the fingers, but there's some things that are too quirky that he does that I can't figure out how to do. Getting inside the music is really what you need to do when you go to play it, to capture the spirit of it and learn what not to play when you're playing each song. I would really enjoy that."
Satriani — who's never met Wolfgang and has only met Alex and Roth on one occasion each — says he's spoken to Hagar and Anthony "quite a bit" about potential Van Halen reunion scenarios, but he relishes the fact that "I have nothing to do with that kind of decision-making" for the project. "It's complicated, put it that way," he says with a laugh. "There's relationships that go way back with Michael and Van Halen and Sam. Everyone's got their own idea about how to do it best, and I'm staying out of that."
The guitarist does, however, think the prospect of Roth and Hagar sharing the stage is a non-starter.
"I can't imagine that ever happening. Ever," he says. "That happened once [on the disastrous 2002 Sam and Dave tour] and it fell apart. I don't really see that happening. I mean, once you really sit down and you start talking about it, there are just so many roadblocks; you can't imagine just how it's going to happen. I think they need to make some important decisions. I think it's really up to Wolfgang and his Uncle Alex to figure out what to do."
Satriani is not holding his breath or biding his time until then. His current North American tour runs through Nov. 19, and European dates are slated to begin on April 1 in Oslo, Norway.
"I can't believe I'm out on tour, I'm out of the house and I'm actually playing music in front of an audience," he says. "I'm still pinching myself 'cause it seems like it's been ages since the last time [2019's Experience Hendrix tour]. Getting shut down was pretty traumatic, so it's like every night's an explosion of this positive emotion that's been sort of pent-up. I'm kind of punchy, walking around like a zombie, like usual when you're on tour 'cause you never get enough sleep, but I'm enjoying it."
#van halen#van halen tribute#evh tribute#eddie van halen#rip eddie van halen#rip eddie#michael anthony#sammy hagar#david lee roth#alex van halen#wolfgang van halen#Taylor Hawkins tribute concert#Classic Rock#ultimate classic rock#news#interview#2022#joe satriani
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Heart to Heart Conversation About Forgiving Those I Love🌱🕊️♥️🗡️
Learning to forgive is a hard thing, personally when I started my walk in Christ, I didn’t see it as a big thing because I’m honestly a person who doesn’t hold grudges, I’ll reason and be more understandable than someone who saves anger against someone and its always been my strongest and weakest attribute I’m a person that has always loved people and I tend to forget what happened between people and I and I’m not sure why, but I know it’s because of God. And here’s the thing about my type of forgiveness, I know a lot of people like to compare about the pains they’ve had and honestly, I remember telling this to my apostle who helped me overcome a lot of things when I started to congregate in my church, I was told by a family member that they’d wish I died as a baby in a womb, and being told as a child of 5 years old that I’m ugly in my face for not choosing a sister in Christ in a game, and so much more that had to do with my brother and school bullies and so on yet, I didn’t hold that grudge and forgave them instead. How did I forgive them? When I realized that I didn’t deserve forgiveness yet out of the mercy of God, He gave me that in Christ Jesus.
I did a topic of forgiveness last year and it was about being like Jesus to forgive and I’m guessing for many it’s easier to read that than to actually follow the teachings that we received, and I’m going to say it very realistically that in reality, everyone you love is going to disappoint you, this can be friends or spouses or family, they will hurt you with actions or with words somethings it’s intentional and sometimes it’s unintentional but we as followers of Christ don’t want to be tears, we want to be wheat.
I think one of the toughest things I got told recently was that my father was barely my father now and my sister had him for more of her life and that was hurtful and it got excused as because she’s young and so on; how could I forgive her for that comment that was spoken out of anger?
I was furious when she said that, and even more when she got excused due to her age. But the real reason I forgave her was because she acted out of anger because when someone is angry they aren’t thinking in the correct mindset, on top of that, I’m the type of person that if I get furious, I need space. Tremendous space so I can pray to the Lord, I wanted to write this more of my experience because I know there are people who have tempers and I used to be someone who if I got furious, everyone got the end of the stick but ever since Jesus came into my life, He’s shown me to keep my mouth shut and take a breather and pray to Him because when we pray to Him, we start to see the different ways we can solve situations, we have that proof in the verse Proverbs 3:5-6.
I forgave her not because of her age, because I’ve met a lot of people her age who have a more carefully worded vocabulary, but because I could’ve easily said what she said if I didn’t have a more self-control manner, to have patience for people who are short-tempered, for people who have no revelation of what their words can do which is bring life or death to a situation. Thankful to God, because my brother and I never hurt each other in that sense, and I’m extremely thankful for my brother who has had my back through thick and thin even when things were changing in my life.
To forgive, I remember reading that it’s no longer us who live but Christ who lives within us, and that made me think, if we speak bad about others. Did that mean we were blaspheming Jesus, and it always stuck with me because every single person is a person that Jesus died for, so having patience with someone is definitely hard especially when you’re trying to live like Jesus did. One of the mesmerizing thing Jesus said was in Luke 23:34 ESV, “And Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.”, He spoke this when people were acting out of rage against Him. Something that people don’t realize is that the walk of Jesus during the crucification is a reflection of us, when people speak against us whilst we’re carrying our cross.
Every single thing that happens to us is a trial, being told you’re not loved, being told you’re ugly, being told to go make a permanent choice on your life, every single thing is a trial of that sort; another thing I mentioned in another topic was when people speak to you with anger and hatred, it’s a reflection of what’s tormenting them in their hearts in Colossians 3:13 ERV, “Don't be angry with each other, but forgive each other. If you feel someone has wronged you, forgive them. Forgive others because the Lord forgave you.”, I love that verse because it made me feel like Jesus sat with me when I first started my walk in Christ, after something happened with a sister in Christ, I remember feeling Him sit with me at the corner of the bed and tell me to forgive her because whatever was in her heart was reflecting towards others, our job is to just love the person and reflect the love of Jesus to them, and He takes care of everything else.
One of the things I remember was when I was reaching out to every single friend from my past who we had had fights, I remember messaging all of them and saying I was sorry if I had wronged them for any reason it being, it wasn’t for me but on the contrary, I wanted them to heal from their wounds so any pain they felt wasn’t reflected towards others and I got beautiful responses where they voiced how what happened between us, given we were all always fangirling over a boy band and fought over small things but nevertheless the pain was there for them, and the crazy thing is that once I had finished reaching out to those who we hurt each other back and forth over celebrities (we were preteens, I’m embarrassed and I laugh at it now) but the warfare I found myself in for taking that step of forgiving people for small things; the conviction hits us differently, we all agree on this because for me, I felt dirty if I wronged anyone, I just can’t for anything feel like I’m walking in Christ as He has called us to be, personally, I don’t feel like it’s genuine when you ask God to forgive you but can’t ask your sibling in Christ to forgive you, reminds me of John 5:16 where we’re meant to confess our sins (our wrongs) AMP, “Therefore, confess your sins to one another [your false steps, your offenses], and pray for one another, that you may be healed and restored. The heartfelt and persistent prayer of a righteous man (believer) is able to accomplish much [when put into action and made effective by God—it is dynamic and can have tremendous power].” And I love that because it reminds me of 1 John 1:9-10 NLT, “-9- But if we confess our sins to Him, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all wickedness. -10- If we claim we have not sinned, we are calling God a liar and showing that His word has no place in our hearts.”
When we deny ever wronging we’re lying, because Jesus is someone who can be wronged by how we react as well and that is in anger, if Jesus is inside us that means that when we’re attacking Jesus back and forth, in 2 Corinthians 13:5 NCV, “Look closely at yourselves. Test yourselves to see if you are living in the faith. You know that Jesus Christ is in you—unless you fail the test.” — having faith in God means that despite the pain someone has caused you you’re willing to forgive them and move past it because God is a God of just and of love, so instead of removing that part of baggage you’re going to be carrying it around and instead of reflecting the works that God has done in you to others, they’ll not see a genuine faith but someone who only speaks but doesn’t do the walk in Christ.
What I love about the next verses is that God shows us His mercy even though we continue to not walk the way we should, God have mercy on us for our transgressions because He is so good to us, in Daniel 9:9-10 AMP, “-9- To the Lord our God belong mercy and lovingkindness and forgiveness, for we have rebelled against Him; -10- and we have not obeyed the voice of the Lord our God by walking in His laws which He set before us through His servants the prophets.”, I read about how Jesus took our iniquities, sins and transgressions; which caught me eye and interest, but keeping myself in the margin right now, in Psalms 130:3-4 NIV, “-3- If you, Lord, kept a record of sins,
Lord, who could stand? -4- But with you there is forgiveness, so that we can, with reverence, serve you.”. But the verse drew me in was Psalms 130:5 AMP, “I wait [patiently] for the Lord, my soul [expectantly] waits, And in His word do I hope.”, why did it draw me in? Because in Isaiah 44:22 ESV, “I have blotted out your transgressions like a cloud and your sins like mist; return to me, for I have redeemed you.”, when we repent for our errors and forgive those who hurt us, and start to walk as we’re meant to walk, God sees how we’re being faithful to Him and He rewards us with blessings that our anger delayed, when I forgave my sister for her comment, I felt lighter and filled with more joy than before, something that I had asked God for.
In Eph 1:7-10 AMP, “-7- In Him we have redemption [that is, our deliverance and salvation] through His blood, [which paid the penalty for our sin and resulted in] the forgiveness and complete pardon of our sin, in accordance with the riches of His grace -8- which He lavished on us. In all wisdom and understanding [with practical insight] -9- He made known to us the mystery of His will according to His good pleasure, which He purposed in Christ, -10- with regard to the fulfillment of the times [that is, the end of history, the climax of the ages]—to bring all things together in Christ, [both] things in the heavens and things on the earth.”
The anger we hold against people are chains that hold us down, that God is helping us when we ask for genuine help. Before my surgery, as I mentioned, I was terrified; I felt so alone and so vulnerable that my life was in the hands of Jesus and only He could deliver me from that, I remember a few days after my surgery He gave me a dream of chains that interpreted as me having chains around my neck and being brought back home. There were many things that happened after my surgery but I know exactly what the chain was, it was a pain that I gave to Him so He could free me, and to this day, i know that forgiving people isn’t easy but with Jesus’ everything is possible, we just need to be quicker to act on forgiving or else we’re gratifying the flesh.
I wrote this as a heart to heart conversation to whoever could be hurting, and if there’s things that are heavier that are deeper to one’s heart, then I suggest to pray to God constantly, and have patience with yourself to let it go. Don’t frustrate yourself over why you can’t let something go, but don’t hold that grudge towards anyone, that’s something that we need to work on, our anger. this is something that the Lord has put into my heart to give my experience and I pray that this helps whomever needs to reconcile with their loved ones just as I was able to do so.
Everything is forgivable with a willing heart; a heart that is willing is always ready for the Lord to use them in big ways unimaginable.
#jesusisthewaythetruthandthelife#jesusisgod#testimony#faith in jesus#jesus loves us#jesuscristo#jesusitrustinyou#belief in jesus#jesusiscoming#jesusislord
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Code Talk
“Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words.” Romans 8:26ESV
In the devotional, ‘A Far Cry Better’ I showed that God has plans for good. Satan plans for evil. What we support with our words is reinforced with strength to come to pass. Let’s say only those things which are written in the Bible, or spoken by a modern day prophets. The world was created with the spoken word, and now satan is trying to harness this spoken power through the news media.
Flapping lips uncontrolled by TRUTH brings sin into the conversation. “Too much talk leads to sin. Be sensible and keep your mouth shut.” Proverbs 10:19NLT.
Conversation— check.
How, then, do we pray? Let me give you a true story example from a video reenactment I heard on victory channel:
Vietnam War— members of the troop became separated from the rest of the troop and their Captain. They’d wandered close into the enemy’s territory. Lost, they radioed for help.
Their Captain, a Christian, prayed for guidance to rescue these men. As he prayed, his mother’s face came before him telling him to pray in tongues until he received God’s way in answer.
After praying in tongues for a while— not discussing what thought had come to him with any other officers— he grabbed the radio. Knowing the enemy was monitoring their every word, he had to be careful, what he said. Calling out to his men in the lost troop, Captain asked, ‘Sir are you a Christian?
The man on the radio responded, ‘yes Sir I am.’
To this the Captain cried out, ‘Come towards the Star and you’ll soon be surrounded by us.’
No injuries or loss of life occurred as the troop headed east to be reunited. God directed in Code Talk using subject matter the Viet Cong couldn’t understand.
Code talk can be as in the above example— or — can be the most hated subject in the church world— praying in other tongues. I have family members who denounce, refute and declare praying in tongues as evil. Denominations and Christians refuse to embrace what they can’t control or understand— speech. Yet instructions remain from Jude 1:20AMPB “But you, beloved, build yourselves up on [the foundation of] your most holy faith [continually progress, rise like an edifice higher and higher], pray in the Holy Spirit.”
Why has satan stirred the church up to squelch praying in tongues? Simple, he can’t understand what’s being said, causing him great distress. For satan, it’s Babel all over again, see Genesis 11:9.
Hidden plans of God prayed in tongues cannot be counteracted, since satan doesn’t understand what’s being SAID. We’re better off to pray God’s will in tongues, then trying to direct Him through our understanding.
Most often we need Holy Spirit to intercede for us, enforcing God���s will. I’ve had many occasions where I was clueless about the instance. Overwhelmed by a groaning, guttural wordless language, I knew Holy Spirit was wrestling with something extremely important. Yielding to His Spirit, I allowed Him to pray until whatever needed done loosen the heaviness from my heart. Not wanting or asking for understanding, I’ve surrendered to Him.
If God’s church would surrender their speech to His Holy Spirit, what could be accomplished in our world during a short time? A million believers in Code Talk, bringing God’s plans and will before the throne. Satan’s domain would be decimated shortly. Will you surrender your tongue to Holy Spirit and be baptized in His Spirit? It’s your choice. You choose.
LET’S PRAY: Heavenly Father, Paul said he thanked you, that he spoke in tongues more than anyone else. We need this baptism into tongues to thwart the enemy. Encourage people to receive their prayer language I pray, in the name of Jesus Christ.
by Debbie Veilleux
Copyright 2023 You have my permission to reblog this devotional for others. Please keep my name with this devotional, as author. Thank you.
#Jesus Christ#lord of lords#word of god#Holy Spirit#God#it's your choice#devotionals#code talk#speech#tongues#hidden#plans#prophecy#understand#decimated#love#hope#faith
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