#like. i trust my friends to tell me if ive done something wrong
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If I do something that upsets/annoys you and you don't tell me that you are upset/annoyed with me, I have great news. That's a you problem now.
#i know this sounds like im vagueing but i promise im not#as implied in the post- if i am upset with someone i will simply tell them that#i was just thinking about this apropos of nothing#i think it's a kind of trust#like. i trust my friends to tell me if ive done something wrong#and whenever I start anxiously reading into the way someone is acting towards me i try to remind myself about that#if it upsets you that i have not altered a behavior that you have not told me is bad#that is not my fault#also im autistic and can't always tell when someone is mad or acting passive aggressively#so instead of worrying constantly that everyone is mad at me and im just missing all of the social cues#i choose to trust that my friends will just tell me when they're mad at me#this has saved me a great deal of anxiety and guilt#it's a technique i highly recommend#if you want to be mean to me passive aggresion will not work. you're just gonna have to fucking clock me.
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ℬℯ𝓉𝓇𝒶𝓎𝒶𝓁
request: THIS IS A WILLIAM REQ I HAVE i saw the movie and fell in love w him (ive been for like years but Matthew made me even more in love🥹) i was wondering if you could do a william x reader where the reader is in her like 20s and shes Mikes childhood friend, but she of betrays him cause she is with William. she had a pretty rough childhood n stuff so she has heavy attatchment issues (and she would like do ANYTHING for Will) @elluvzjamie
Warnings: Readers just as messed up, they’re like insane, cute insane couple stuff ig..?
“You’re dating… my job counselor?” He asked you one day.
“Who’s your job counselor?”
“Steve. Raglan..?”
“Oh…. I didn’t know he was your job counselor.”
“I didn’t know he was your boyfriend.” He was shocked, the age difference was odd to him.
“Yeah. He is. We’ve been together for like a few months.”
“He put a picture of you on his desk and I asked him about it.”
You smiled at that “He did?”
“If your happy.” He shrugged, leaving it at that. He didn’t mind, you were his friend, you’d stayed with him through everything. Even through the awkward middle school years.
The conversation didn’t come up much, because he respected you, of course. He still found it odd. But he kept it to himself.
You found out about his secret early on, he was scared he would have to kill you after you did but you didn’t mind it. And that made him fall impossibly harder for you.
———
“Will-“
“Relax. It’s the perfect plan. Besides, when have I ever been wrong?” He grabbed your jaw, making you look up at him.
“But.. he’s been my friend since like… forever.” You were hesitant.
“Do you love me?”
“Of course I do, will-“
“Do you trust me?”
“..Yes.”
“Then please, just go through with it. I promise, when we’re done we can go on that vacation you always talk about.”
You smiled slightly at the mention.
“Okay.” You said softly and quietly, looking up at him with eyes full of love and naiveness. He smiled down at you, leaning down and kissing your lips.
—————-
“M..ike..? What happened?” You mumbled, he was breathing heavily as he grabbed you, helping you up.
“They attacked you. Come on, Abby’s in danger.”
He was running quickly, he pulled out a taser on chica, shooting her with it. You stood beside Mike as Abby and him talked.
You all ran across the halls, Mike limped and was suddenly attacked by Carl.
“Abby, go!” You shouted, trying to go “help” Mike. You pulled Carl off, throwing the cupcake across the floor.
“Fuck, Mike. Are you okay?” You asked, as you got on your knees beside the man.
“I’m fine.” He panted out, holding his leg in pain.
“Are you sure?”
“I’m fine. We- we gotta go help Abby.” He said. You helped him up and he slung his arm around your shoulder as he limped around.
You both looked around to find her, instead, a giant golden bunny walked towards you both. You cracked a small smile, standing there as he stumbled back.
William growled, and Mike tried to tase him, but it was no use.
Mike looked at you as you stood back and watched as the bunny threw him across the floor.
“You couldn’t just leave it alone, could you?” Mike crawled across the floor. You followed Williams steps. ��Lucky me. First I killed your brother, then I got your friend to betray you, now I kill you.”
Betray him? He looked at you, who was standing next to the bunny, unharmed.
“Symmetry, my friend.”
“Go to hell.” His eyes were full of hurt.
William laughed, kicking him, and knocking him unconscious.
“Wake up children. I have something for you to play with. This is gonna be so much fun.” He stood in front of Mike. “Little ones tell me you have a sister.” He pulled out a knife. “She will love it here. You, however, are finished. Farewell, Micheal Schmidt.”
“That’s enough!” Vanessa said.
Vanessa. She was interesting. She didn’t like you, that much was for sure. She thought you were far too young for him, but you don’t care.
“Drop the knife.”
“A little old for temper tantrums aren’t we, Vanessa?” William said.
“I’m not kidding, dad.”
he took off his mask, looking at her with disappointment.
“You may have forgotten your loyalties, but I assure you they have not!” He pointed the knife at the animatronics.
Abby ran towards Mike, you glanced back at them. Abby looked up at you.
“Y/n. Why-“ she started, but not finishing her sentence. You looked down at them in slight pity.
“You did great. Now, let us just finish this.” He looked down at you now, the smallest amount of praise making you beam.
“Now, put that thing away. And help us clean up the mess that you created!”
He said, talking about her gun. He walked towards her slowly, and you stayed behind.
“Come on. We both know you’re not gonna use…” she shot him, he groaned and was taken aback. The animatronics looked at her in anger. You looked in shock, but you knew he would handle it.
William yelled, and threw her gun onto the floor.
“You had one job. One. Keep him in the dark, and kill him if he got too close.”
“That’s two jobs.”
He choked her, pinning her against a machine. You looked back at Abby, and quickly put a knife to her throat.
“Y/n!” She yelled, she stood still, scared for her life. Her drawing fell onto the floor.
“Abby, Abby, Abby. I tried to leave you alone. I really didn’t want to do this.” You sighed, shaking your head to yourself.
“Y/n, you don’t have to-whatever he’s telling you-“ she tried desperately, sobbing and clawing at your arm.
“I love him. And I’ll do anything for him. Even if that includes betraying you and your brother.”
William smiled at the sight, how cute, he thought. His daughter was now unconscious on the floor. But that didn’t matter when he could start a new life with you, who would do anything for him.
#william afton x you#william afton x reader#william afton#matthew lillard#matthew lillard x reader#fnaf x y/n#fnaf x you#fnaf x reader#fnaf movie
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Hi,
Just discovered your page and I am obsessed! I was wondering if you could do something about Jamie getting hurt and the reader meeting him in the treatment room and comforting him? Or something along those lines, I trust you!
Thanks!
Dang, you’re putting my angst skills to the test! I wrote this instead of doing homework. Probs won’t post again till the weekend, but who knows? Not me, that’s for sure. Thanks for requesting!
feeling fragile, can’t you tell
Football matches are always tense. It’s all about squeezing Keeley’s hand when Richmond gets the ball, booing when they miss and screaming when they score. You never know how they’re going to end until they’re done, and god it kills you. Especially when Jamie has the ball. You feel like you can’t breathe until you see it swoosh into the net, after which your chest loosens up.
You love it. Mostly.
The part you don’t love is the part that results in the medics being called onto the field. Some injuries are accidental, some are on purpose. You hate those. You’ve watched more players kick, shove, and punch each other than you would care to count. Your least favorite injury so far was when a burly player broke Sam’s foot “on accident.” You thought Roy and Isaac were going to commit murder.
Jamie told you the next morning that the whole team egged the man’s house that night. That’s why he had been late coming over. He wouldn’t tell you who’s idea it was, but you have a vague recollection of Jamie telling childhood stories about egging houses with his friends.
Injuries are truly awful.
Which is why you’re standing stock-still in the owner’s box, clutching Keeley’s arm and willing Jamie to get up.
He’d done this thing where he kicked the ball away from the opposing team, but landed on his back funny. Rebecca whispers, “Oh god, it’s Roy all over again,” and you remember being told about Roy’s injury. The one that took him out of the game for good.
Jamie’s only twenty-five, you reason to yourself, he has to be ok.
He still hasn’t gotten up. The medical team are rushing onto the field, and you’re pushing past Rebecca, running downstairs to go find him.
Keeley is hot on your heels, running as best she can in her heels which, honestly, is actually pretty good.
You’re not quite sure where you’re going, feeling blinded by worry. Keeley grabs your arm and tugs you toward the treatment room.
You burst through the doors right behind Keeley, who has almost run smack into Roy. He looks grim, more grim than usual.
“What’s wrong with him?” you whisper, mindful of the atmosphere in the treatment room. Jamie is on a table on his back, face white.
“Passed out,” Roy responds gruffly. “Fucked his leg and back pretty bad, but doesn’t explain why he’s fucking unconscious.”
Tears are beginning to form, and Keeley wraps her arms around your waist.
You move out of the doorway so the medics can pick up Jamie in a stretcher and move him to the ambulance.
You get a closer look at him as he passes by, features slack.
You feel like you’re choking.
—
The ride to the hospital is a blur. You’re not even sure how you ended up in Roy’s car, but you’re there, sitting in the back seat with Keeley’s comforting presence the only thing keeping you loosely tethered to reality.
Your mind is running through every possible scenario as to why he passed out. None of them are good. He’s messed up his back and leg before, but never to this point. And his face.
You can’t stop thinking about his face.
To be honest, he looked dead.
Panic starts to hit again, and it takes every ounce of control you have to force yourself to breathe.
—
You’re outside Jamie’s hospital room now. His doctor said he pulled some muscles, and passed out from a combination of too little water, food, and sleep. The pain must have been enough to trigger his body into finally catching up with itself.
You sigh, and push open the door, Roy and Keeley promising to wait for you outside.
Jamie is propped up in the bed, IVs in his arms for hydration.
At the sight of you, he says a soft, “hey, babe.”
He’s still so pale, and the tears you’d been holding in start streaming out.
“What happened, Jamie?” you ask, sitting on the chair next to his bed. You take his hand in yours. “How did I not know you weren’t eating?”
Jamie’s quiet for a moment, and you can see a glimmer of a tear in his left eye.
“I dunno,” he replies softly.
He doesn’t say anything after that, so you’re just left sitting there, hand-in-hand, in silence. He’s staring at the end of his bed, you’re staring at his face.
When it becomes clear he has no intention of speaking up you say, “Jamie.”
He turns to you, eyes hollow. “Saw me dad last week.”
You blink.
Oh.
“Oh,” you say out loud.
Jamie is silent for a beat, then says, “Didn’t tell ya because I didn’t want you to worry. He’s a piece of shit and my fuckin problem, not yours.”
You shake your head and bring his hand up to your lips. “Jaim. I’m so sorry. I am so, so sorry,” because you know exactly what he’s saying.
You had assumed you hadn’t seen Jamie due to all his extra training.
You had assumed that he was taking care of himself in preparation for the game, like he always did.
You had assumed too much, because his dad was an unknown variable that threw a wrench in every place he found himself in.
The last time his dad had shown up, Jamie had tried to stop eating. You say tried because you basically force-fed him after the first day. He also couldn’t sleep. You could feel him tossing and turning, getting up to pace around, just restless. You’d rub his shoulders, hold him close, but nothing worked. He didn’t sleep well for two weeks when he was finally so tired that his body pretty much just shut down.
So. His passing out makes sense now.
Jamie is gripping your hand, knuckles white, tears beginning to roll down his face. His face, which he is trying to keep stoic, and is beginning to return to its normal color.
“Jamie,” you say. “Jamie, you don’t have to keep all this in.”
He shrugs.
“No, I’m serious,” you continue, “You shouldn’t keep this all in. We’re a team, you know? We’re supposed to share this kind of thing with each other, and if you think I don’t want to hear it or can’t handle it, then that’s a problem.”
Jamie whips his head around from his blank stare at the wall to your face. He whispers, “Are we breaking up?” fear evident in his expression.
“No,” you reply. “No. We’re just- we’re just figuring it out. I don’t want you to feel like you have to keep things from me.”
You’re beginning to lose feeling in your hand. Jamie is looking somewhat relieved, but still not great.
“How long are you in here?” you ask.
“Doctor wants to keep me overnight. Make sure I’m hydrated or some shit.”
You hesitate. “Do you- do you want me to stay with you? I don’t have to, if you want to be alone I can just-”
“Yes.”
Jamie’s color is really coming back now, and he looks like someone’s removed a huge weight from his chest. “Yes, I would really fucking like it if you stayed. I can move over so you don’t have to sleep on that fucking shitty plastic couch.”
You crack a smile at that as he gingerly scoots over. You climb into the bed, mindful of his leg and the IVs. He throws an arm around you with less care than you think he should have, but you’re not going to worry about that right now so you just snuggle into his side. He’s warm, and you didn’t realize how cold you were until this exact moment.
There’s a knock on the door, and Keeley pokes her head in.
“Everything alright, babes?” she asks.
“All good here, Keels,” Jamie responds. You give her a small smile, which she returns.
“Alright then, Roy and I are gonna go. We’ll be back to pick you up tomorrow, yeah?” She points to you. “Text me if you need anything. Won’t be getting much sleep tonight.”
You’re not sure if she means she isn’t sleeping due to the excitement of the night or because she’s going home with Roy, but she’s gone before you can ask.
You sigh and put your head on Jamie’s shoulder.
You say, “Don’t ever fucking do that again, ok?” but it comes out as a plea, voice on the edge of breaking.
He replies, “I won’t,” in such a soft, sincere tone that you believe him.
You breath deeply for the first time that night, just glad that he’s ok and you’re together. You are a team, after all.
#jamie tartt x reader#jamie tartt fanfiction#jamie tartt imagine#jamie tartt x y/n#jamie tartt x you#jamie tartt#ted lasso
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This is gonna be abit of a mouthful, but I need to get it off my chest now that years have passed and we've (hopefully you have too) matured by now.
I once looked up to you, but that was a very long time ago. The trauma you caused me is irreversible. tbf I used to be a brat and if I could go back in time to backhand my younger self I would, I own up to that. But I was only a teenager, still growing and learning about myself and how to talk to others properly. Turns out I was pretty much autistic, so communication wasn't my strong point at all back then.
But even then, your two-faced behavior of proudly shitting on and bragging about how much money you were ripping off the furry community, the people who actively supported you, loved your work and paid your bills, was appalling. I had every right to call you out on it. Instead of accepting it was wrong, you sent your roommates out like attack dogs to fight your battles, defend your toxic behavior and harass me. Every time I blocked them they would find a different site to attack me on. I struggled to make friends for years after that incident, I felt I couldn't trust anyone because of what you guys did.
Years passed, and I genuinely hoped you had changed for the better, only to see a callout post during pride of all times, about your grossly acephobic attitude. I had friends who were blocked by you and didn't understand why. You need to understand your damaging actions have severe affects on real people, and when you make public apologies, the people who comment saying they forgive you don't count if they weren't the ones hurt by you. They don't speak for those affected.
I'm not looking for an apology, even if given one I probably wouldn't accept it after all the damage you've done to me. I have zero interest in you being in my life again. I just wanted to give you this perspective to get it off my chest and for you to mull on, I want you to use it to improve yourself as a person moving forward. See the wrong in your actions, how badly it affects others, and make the choice to make things right.
But that's up to you now.
Hey, I know who this is an I want you to know that I think about you often.
Read more below
Sometimes your stuff shows up on my feed or someone shares something with me that youve made because we have common interests and I think to myself
Im glad theyre doing well and I hope youre surrounded by people who support you. I dont say this as a way to like
Save face because this is a public anon. I would say this to you in private if I could.
I was a very nasty person years and years ago and no apology will take back the pain Ive caused others from that. Especially not you.
But I am sorry. I wish things could have been different. I do.
For the acephobia. Yes. I was acephobic and horrible about it. I hurt a lot of people from that and cant ever take that back but know that Ive learned a lot about how to treat others and unpack the internalized hatred towards my own ace'ness and how others present themselves.
I also want to say I never sent my roommates on you. That was a choice they did on their own without my knowledge. I never ever want someone to go after anyone on my behalf and while it is likely hard to believe that those who have known me these past 5-6 years can vouch that as true. I have on multiple occasions asked my friends to leave people alone I end up disagreeing with. I never name drop people I dont get along with. I dont even tell people besides my very very private close friends about what happened between me and you and that might be about 3 or 4 people at most.
As for blocking? I block very liberally LOL and its almost never personal. I block people for the smallest things just to curate my social media experience.
If you ever wanted to reconnect and try again
Im here. And I have no hatred in my heart. I have held myself accountable all these years for things I should have done better. Handled softer.
In the end
Truly. Im glad youve made a beautiful career out of something you love and no matter what happens between us I hope you continue to thrive. With all my heart.
#smigglesask#I often tell anyone who asks about the callout on me that it is 100000% warranted and that I was a piece of shit and people deserve#to know what kind of person i used to be#I dont want to hide and pretend Im perfect or that I never hurt people
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Hmm. Haven’t heard from Goemon for a while in this AU. I’m not sure what he’s been up to. Has he touched bases with everyone since Bad Times started?
Oh that poor bastard has not been having a good time for all the wrong reasons. Or right reasons if you just so happen to think about it
The real reason Goemon hasn't really shown up in this AU is. . .well. . .to be honest. I really don't know how to write him properly. Ive always struggled with everyone's favorite mostly emotionally constipated samurai.
But besides that there IS a good reason as to why he does not show up often in the AU.
You can actually blame Jigen for it.
You see I'm very choosy about what parts of the show i wanna make canon in this AU. And while I still don't know how much of PT5 I actually do wanna make canon in this, there is one major event that has always caught my eye.
And I think we all know what part that is.
This part had gotten me thinking. My AU doesn't happen that long after part 6, which in turn I always Headcanoned never took that long after part 5, about a year or so give or take.
Now the reason Jigen has a lot to do with Goemon not being in LJS or at least the first half of LJS is due to him being exceedingly paranoid
You see, Lupin has already forgiven him for what Goemon has done. I don't necessarily think that Lupin is one to hold a Long Standing grudge.
But here's the thing.
While Lupin might have forgiven Goemon however
Goemon hasn't forgiven himself all that fully
But imagine if someone else wasn’t that quick to do so
that someone being Jigen
Jigen doesn't forgive very easily
there's still a hesitancy.
I dunno the year difference between PT4/5 and ljs. But Jigen still being jumpy is sad to think about Like he’s not out rightly hostile toward Goemon. But you can tell somethings off.
Which is sad because Jigen knows Lupin would want him to forgive him, but he just cant do that.
But the reason Jigen is so hesitant to allow Goemon the right to be forgiven is because he's known Goe for a while at this point. The betrayal would probably be so way out of left field for him, that it'd be reasonable to assume that he'd originally thought that goemon had moved on from the whole 'wanting to defeat lupin in combat' thing at this point in the game. And then bam, you have Goemon's attempt on Lupins life, which whether he meant too or not, is a still a big deal, considering that no matter what NO ONE in the group has tried to actually hurt each other outside of friendly banter/ well thought out plans
Then that comes that throws it all out of whack
As a result, remnants of the results of that “betrayal” still make their presence known once in a blue moon despite Lupin's attempts to calm Jigen down enough to trust Goe again. But Lupin knows how Jigen is, Jigen doesn't forget that easily nor does he forgive that easily. Jigen still gets twitchy when Goemon makes an odd move towards him. And because of what has happened to Lupin in LJS PT1, the twitchness is full throttle because now Lupin is vulnerable and it's Jigens job to protect him and look out for him against anything Jigen percieves as a threat.
But because Lupin wants Jigen to just forgive him, instead of just casting Goemon to the side, Jigen does something else in an attempt to show he does trust Goemon despite his apprehensions, not for Goemon's sake but for Lupin's alone
By putting him in charge of being his sister Maddies "bodyguard"
In a way doing this has a double reason. It keeps Goemon far from Lupin which gives Jigen some peace of mind, but it also shows Goemon that, while he still shows apprehension towards him, that Jigen still trusts Goemon to some extent to guard something precious to him and not throw him away when Lupin isnt in the right mind to object to it.
As a interesting biproduct of this arrangement, Maddie and Goemon grow close because of it. They become friends. Maddie likes Goemon and ends up saying a lot of good things about him to jigen, which would probably improve their relationship too (goe and jigen's, that is)
#lupin iii#lupin the third#daisuke jigen#lupin the 3rd#jigen#jigen daisuke#arsène lupin iii#Lupin III: The Lavender Jacket Series#Lupin III goemon#goemon ishikawa xiii
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Get it RIGHT
Pairing: Steven Grant × black Reader (marc and jake make an appearance too!)
Warnings: just lots of cussing
A/N: this is an idea I had about how reader would react to Donna being an asshole to Steven and calling him "Stevie" also i was a little buzzed while typing this up just now so there might be a few run on sentences but honestly who gives a shit lol
"ok girl ill call you tomorrow i just pulled up to steven's job! bye love you!" you hung up with your best friend excited to show your man the new braids you got from your trusted stylist. every 3 months you switch it up and when you do hes always so amazed, sometimes he just stares in awe at how your hair could do so many things, styles, colors it was so cool to him.
After parking you pulled down the mirror to make sure ya makeup was still looking bomb as fuck, baby hairs still swooped to the gods and...ya titties looking damn good in the new shirt that was bought yesterday. thankfully steven didnt see the numerous bags in the back of the closet.
Every other day when your jobs had the same lunch break you and steven would have a lunch break date. Honestly it was the best part of each other's day.
Walking inside you walked straight to the gift shop, waving slightly at the security guard who did a double take at your appearance. "Nope still with steven grant buddy! sorry not sorry!" The man waved back but grumbled something behind the newspaper he was reading and covered his face with it.
Rounding the corner your smile faded slightly as she was standing in front of steven. His boss donna was pointing at him. Being a little ways away you couldnt hear the conversation but moving closer her words started becoming clear.
"i'm telling you all this shit is still unorganized and uncounted for! looks like you'll be on inventory again tonight i dont care if it takes you all night!" "Donna im doing my best but shipment has been coming-" she put a hand up.
"oh no the fuck she didnt shush my baby" you mumbled to yourself
Doing so made steven stop talking immediately and frown deeply.
"i dont care when shipment comes..you get it done! you're so bloody useless Stevie!" Hearing her degrading and calling him by the wrong name set you OFF. Before realizing it you stomped over to where they were, eyes seeing red, curses spewing under your breath. Out the corner of his eye he sees you coming, a first he was relieved then he saw the look on your face which let him know all hell was about to break loose.
"oooh shit ive never seen her that pissed before..." Marc from the reflection of the glass.
"That's the sexiest fucking thing ive ever seen LET HER HAVE IT MI AMOR RIP HER APART!" jake smiled
"oh dear" steven sighed heavily. Donna looked confused but that expression worn off when she noticed you coming over to where they were; it soon turned into fear. "i-uh ill be in my meeting-" you stopped in front of them with a big smile on your face "donna let me tell you this one time and one time only" Steven looked nervous as fuck " love its okay donna was just leaving for a meeting and my break is in 5 so lets just-" you cut him off by grabbing his shirt and planting the deepest, tongue fighting kiss then pushed him back slightly.
steven gained control of his balance, licked his lips and just nodded his head. "Donna let me tell you something..in the nicest way i can. his name is steven, steven grant. says it right there on his name tag and fucking birth certificate. Stop calling him Stevie, stephen, stanely anything with S.T in it that aint fuckin steVEN. That is MY man im tired of him coming home looking damn near doorknob dead because your overworking him .Sometimes he's to tired to even fuck me and that's a goddamn problem." Steven started to turn red but he wasn't embarrassed in the slight.
Donna stood there like a fish out of water; mouth just opening and closing dumbfounded. She looked around making sure customers couldn't hear what's going on but you honestly couldn't give a shit. "well..i mean sometimes he just needs to catch up-"
"Catch up bitch all my man does is catch up! but your lazy ass think just because your the manager ya can do whatever you want but let me get you straight on this donna. Let me find out you've insulted him, degraded or humiliate him in any possible way and bitch i will stuff you in pharaoh's tomb myself. do we have an understanding??" You glared at her with eyes that said dont fucking try me.
She nodded her head, fixed her shirt and cleared her throat "mhm i-i understand..i uh..i apologize steven please take an extra hour lunch on me" She nodded again, turned and quickly turned on her heels to her office.
"Oh my god LOVE!" he laughed "that was amazing i never knew you could get that vulgar or angry!" You just giggled sweetly. "i told you baby nobody can disrespect you in front of me..ever." He leaned over kissing you deeply. "ok ill go clock out then we can go to lunch!"
"Okay baby after we eat seeing as you have an extra hour how about you show me the back room?" steven looked at you confused, you've seen the backroom maybe twice now before. "oh okay but what for?" you smiled walking over to him, grabbed the back of his head and licked the side of his face slowly then bit his earlobe.
"So you can tell me a story while deep in this pussy love.." you whispered in his ear
"Oh my god please give me the body steven" marc whined
"AYE No give ME the body!!" jake countered
Steven shuddered at your naughty moves and ignored his alters, he suddenly didn't want to eat the lunch he brought in today but something else vegan friendly.
#steven grant x reader#steven grant x black reader#moon knight fics#moon knight imagine#steven grant x y/n
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hi im so sorry but i need to get this off my chest and i cant talk to my friends about it because its so embarrassing and ive talked about it PLENTY
but anyway long story short i was dating someone, we have a weird history dating wise & have been best friends for 3+ years before that all started. literally three weeks ago we decided to be exclusive, on friday i found out that the day before, he kissed another girl IN PUBLIC. i know that girl, they've hooked up before (when i was also hooking up with him but it wasn't anything really and i didn't actually know for sure if they were hooking up (they were)). so we called it quits.
i still spent the weekend bc i'm weak and all i want is him. he said he never felt a connection like this with anyone, he said he loved me and he said he was sorry a hundred times..... he said it would take a long time before he'd feel 'normal' about me. we were both emotional when i left, and since then i havent really stopped crying lol
AND NOW. i dont know if im just driving myself crazy but i feel like he's (still) (again?) talking to that one girl and it would make sense because he basically cheated on me not even a week ago so why wouldnt he do this now??? but. it feels too cruel. but maybe thats just who he is.
god i hate this so much he drives me completely mad im stalking his every move and every time i see something that even slightly hints at my suspicions i get so ill and it makes me wanna kms. i just wanna feel normal i hate that he did this to me i miss him so bad. i know we literally shouldn't ever get back together again because this is just a fraction of the shit thats happened in the past 10 months, BUT I ONLY WANT HIM. and i feel like we're soulmates. BYEEEEE this is so humiliating. im so tired i just want it to end
hugging you so tight right now, anon!!! 🩷🩷🩷 so sorry you have to go through something like this. I can’t say I know exactly how you feel, because each person experiences this type of pain differently, but I do know it just super sucks when the person who hurts us and the person we want to hate turns out to be the one we love the most. sometimes our hearts can be stubborn just like that (it all would’ve been so easy if we could convince ourselves to stop caring and to being able to fully hate them and moving on, but it’s never that easy, sadly). I can’t tell you what to do or how to react to the pain you feel, but know that your pain is valid and how you feel / how you react / how you cope with that pain, that’s valid too. and you are not weak for being hurt when someone wronged you, especially when it’s someone you trusted. I know this is cliche and is so much easier said than done, but please also be kind to yourself, above anything else. that boy and the girl he cheated on you with, they don’t deserve you. they lost you, not the other way around. think of this as an opportunity for you to open yourself to someone else who truly loves and values you, whether it be romantically or platonically. I know right now you just want him, but if the wrong person can make you love him this bad, imagine how much happier you’ll be when you finally find the right one who can make you love them the same way you loved him, if not more, the only difference is that they won’t break your heart. and you deserve to be happy. that someone is out there, and I truly believe you both will find each other when the time is right. but for now, try loving and being gentle to yourself even if it’s hard (I know it can be hard, but at least give it a try), the best revenge is to prove to them that you don’t need them to be happy and that you can heal from this and thrive without them in your life. doesn’t matter how long it takes, but you will get there one day, and you will look back and be so damn proud of yourself for how far you’ve come. because hey, look at you, you are still here, and for that, I am so damn proud of you!!
it’s okay to cry, it’s okay to be completely broken, because the thing about crying and being broken is that it’s not permanent, even if it feels like it right now.
and by the way, the ones who should feel humiliated are him and that girl, not you. screw it if they deserve each other. YOU deserve so much better than that anyway.
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i’ve been hitting my cart to fall asleep so i can get through these days as fast as possible. getting high is the only thing i can cling onto anymore, it gives my life the interest and color i’ve been needing currently. i was on the right track to quitting but i guess ive crashed back into it.
i wonder. if we were still friends would i be over at your house right now? would you be at mine? would i be miserable? or would we be cuddling? i’m not the type of person to confront my thoughts. i let them decide for me, i let them take over because i tend to believe they’re in my best interest. if you ask me for the reason i dropped you, id tell you it’s because i didn’t want you to leave me, but honestly i did it out of instinct. it was one day in february, a switch flipped in my mind and i put no effort into turning it back on.
i guess i realized it wasn’t just the two of us anymore, everytime id come over there’d be 5 extra people invading our space. i only loved you when i was alone with you so i always wanted you to myself. i have no idea why that is. it’s not like i was in love with you or something. :/ but all these people i’ve done wrong, i never did it out of spite or hate. i did it because i don’t know how to fully let someone in.
dont be mistaken, i’m still very evil. ;3
an example of my evilness: one day i’ll confess my undying love for you, and the next i’ll completely forget about it. interest can spark inside of me which will usually burn out fast. the only rare exception is when it doesn’t. my fps. the ones i’ve loved so heavily i could easily set the world on fire for them. obsession taken way too far. but i’ll always have a soft spot for my favorite people. they know my chaos.
in the paragraph you sent me before you blocked me, you told me my only motivation is male validation. honestly, yeah. i agree. i wouldn’t call it validation, but something similar. anyway it’s not like it’s something i can control.
when i was younger i had devoted my soul to my dad out of fear and possibly a little trust. every time i did something wrong in his eyes, my body would shut down and i was unable to feel or think anything. soulless. a certain type of numbness where i could practically feel a reaper touching me. one upsetting response from him and my purpose was ripped out of my chest. even if his demeanor was off, if he was driving a little faster and a little more aggressive, i could immediately feel his mood switch—which would end up causing mine. i felt this feeling again yesterday, over something so small. i was telling my aunt how i applied for a job and he immediately said no in a stern ass voice and shook his head. that shut me the fuck up because i could already feel it flushing into me. a weird feeling of confusion has always come along with this numbness, because i can never truly understand what makes him so upset. he was asking me if i wanted to apply at starbucks the night before? maybe it’s because i applied for the job my mom wanted me to do. actually yeah that’s probably it. my dad’s always been so jealous of her because ‘i treat her better than him.’ it’s totally true, i do, but that’s because she was always there to hold me when i cried and she took the time to understand my soft spots. she tells me she loves me everyday, while i don’t have a memory of my dad saying i love you.
so that’s it. that’s all i want from men. i know now, i don’t crave their validation, i crave their care. their sincerest love. i really yearn for someone to put their hand on my head and pull me into a hug every time they noticed i looked a little empty. someone who doesn’t become demented or begin ignoring me when i mess up. someone who will stay by my side even if i reject them just because they know me better than anyone, someone who doesn’t let me push them away. someone who’d never get tired of dealing with my guilty tears. someone who would rather hold my hand than stick it in. ugh. unconditional love.
and basically, i guess id do anything for this kind of care. i’ve fucked plenty of people over just to experience it, even if all of it was bound to end up temporary. but, of course, all that it did was remove more people from my life. make me more lonely. i’m begging please don’t blame me forever. i hope you understand this uncontrollable urge is not something im close to mastering. when im attached, i would rather rip all of my hair out before i allow you to slip through my fingertips, even if i just met you a day ago. when i start seriously thinking about someone, there’s absolutely no going back. until i break and my brain becomes weak from allowing the thoughts to consume it. just thinking about a guy’s potential in caring for me so gently gets me messed tf up. that’s why i try to see guys as weird creatures so i don’t get attached to any. my lips feel like poison, causing damage is all i’ve ever known.
but, i know im young. the so called “men” im talking about are actually boys. when i grow wiser and develop into somebody i can actually be proud of, i can only pray that god will bless me with this type of undying love.
god please please please give me your strength
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Im not sure if you're open for requests rn but i am so inlove with your stories with the poly bois haha, (youre actually the only one ive seen really write for it and youre also the one who dragged me into liking it so thank you hahaha)
BUT anyways would it be alright if you could write something with childe and kaeya in a modern!college! au where perhaps the gn!reader has been secretly bullied for yknow, taking the two, most sought after, bois in the uni? But the readers stubborn and keeps it to themselves till maybe the bois notice a bruise of sorts or smth? 👁👁
sorry if this was long but have a good day!!
i lOVE this overused trope and aaa I'm so glad you enjoy they!! i think they're the best to this day they're my strongest main :')
if i were reader i'd honestly be thriving and be rubbing it in people's faces like hah sucks to be you bitch
maybe reader is like that uwu i also get that sometimes it's hard to deal with constant mean things being said about you uwu
i kinda see you not wanting to tell childe and kaeya about it because they won't let it slide so easily, they are protective over you after all
also you wouldn't put it past them to not do anything stupid drastic about it so you kinda just keep it on the down low hoping it'd pass you know
but boooy were you wrong, for the sake of plot I'm saying these people are relentless and lifeless and have nothing else better to worry about in their busy college life and the bullying just kept coming LMAO
it started out small, people not wanting to be in groups with you then maybe acquaintances started exclude you from activities the verbal bulling didn't come til after a while
the boys arent stupid they aren't blind and oblivious about it but you never made it out to be a problem so they don't want to risk making you upset by interfering
childe would call out someone for being mean to you though and that usually steers people away for a while
kaeya doesn't try to bully people back but he can't help the things his silver tongue spits out sometimes, ain't no one is gonna disrespect his s/o in front of him
hates that you're bummed about it for a while so will try to make it up to you by bringing you out of dates outside of the town do other uni goers don't see
til one day these high school bullies started to grow some balls, saw that the boys were protecting you a lot and just had to jab at you when they weren't around, some were brave enough to make a passive aggressive comment around them too v rude
i feel? they'd try to interfere like subtly? like want to deter the attention from you but somehow made it worse for awhile HAHHAHAHA
like leaving hickeys on you was not a good idea because you were tripped over by some fucking bitch when they saw it. they even made a comment about how humongous your insect bite was
you'll prolly try to stop them from doing anything weird to you for a while
it really started something when the tripping happened. maybe you still try to be meek about it and hope it'll go away but people are just that free you know? power trip or whatever
they just took it as encouragement and started to corner you while you were going around uni
that's when things became physical enough for childe and kaeya to notice
they'd hate themselves for letting it come to this because you are miserable and they could've done something much sooner and maybe they should've umu
will make you cough up names of the people who have been physically abusive and if you don't they'd be a lil frustrated and disappointed
i see it mostly being like them interpreting it as you don't trust the two of them enough to share your troubles with
they'll think they haven't been attentive enough or maybe they haven't been doing anything to let you know that you can lean on them for support
(but it's actually your brain that's stupid and stubborn umu)
but it's ok because it's time to fix everything so you can be happy again
childe and kaeya have enough friends and intel to know snuff out the morons that's been bothering you
and if it happened to be someone they used to associate with they'll prolly going to be chewed out by kaeya and beat up by childe
i wanna say they gather evidence and send it to the bullies' respective profs but i think they're more the type to settle this on the down low and make people really regret what they've done to you
they do gather evidence and send it school and put the info public to ruin people's lives but that's not until they got their revenge uwu
they type to go and confront the bullies uwu what you can't take what you dish out? childe and kaeya can be even meaner bullies too if they chose to but instead they use their charm for good smh
will scare bitches into never wanting to set foot outside of their room again
but won't do anything drastic enough to draw attention to them, they're better than these people ofc
childe and kaeya can be a very scary combo and you wouldn't want to piss them off. they're both schemers and nasty
one will break your bones while the other would break you emotionally uwu all for shits and giggles because that was what seemed to get them off when it was you
when all is said and done and they've completely ruined your bully's life they'll come back to you for a long talk
wants to know whats up and wants to make sure you don't feel like you have to carry something like this alone again
pampers you a ton
if you're like sdfalfgh about them handling it their way you're gonna have to deal with it because it was the only way
(it wasn't they were just in a bad mood because you were sad)
they'll!! reassure you a ton too!! and talk enough to uncover why you handled it the way you did
they want to be there for you and want you to rely on them for things like these!
also you made them worry a whole fuck ton so you better apologise!!!!!
soft make up and reassurance sex tho :bottom emoji: because you three were really hurt during this time
#oriigirii#idk if you're still into this dynamic but here's your request :3c#angst with happy ending#kaeya x reader#childe x reader#childe x reader x kaeya#somehow i feel like my writings the same but also i feel like it's gotten worse but maybe it's cuz I'm forcing myself to be up#shanna writes
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-.-
idk why he says nothings wrong when i ask him, when clearly something is wrong. ik how he is & when somethings up but he still denied it. i understand if he doesnt wanna get into it rn or he just wants to let it go but like in this case, i pretty much know exactly what its about that could be bothering him & the only way to put him at ease is to talk about it….again! this one specific thing triggered his mood last night & i didnt even think it would. i noticed a red scratch mark on my chest and sent him a pic saying how i think his cat made the scratch. his reply was soo serious, like i could actually feel him doubting me thru the phone. i knew he was questioning if it was really the cat bc he said how he was close to my chest the other day and didnt see anything so that is odd that theres a scratch. !! i immediately knew where his mind went & that thought didnt even occur to me when i sent that pic..like if i knew that would cause him to think of this crazy scenario then i wouldnt have sent that snap in the first place tbh bc right after that, his tone & the way he texted just shifted. hes not the best at masking his feelings like me so i can tell when the energy feels different. i also posted some pics from the hangout on my ig story & he saw it later that night. i have a feeling that added to his misery and all of today it was so prevalent, even if he denies it. idc if he says nothings wrong bc its not convincing and its not just in my head. he went from msging me all cutesy & happy to immediately being more neutral & uninterested. we always send a snap to say good morning (unless we get busy but we still send a snap with whatever we’re doing). he didnt open the app, as well as reply to my snap, until 7:15pm.. around 4 was when i asked him whats wrong (bc i already knew he was ignoring me). his response was that nothing really is wrong and how he went straight to work and his boss switched his assignment. usually id let that go but not when its already past 7 and hes firsttt opening snapchat to answer me ? and i see that hes been on instagram. also.. hes always talking to me when hes either at work already, still at home, or driving to work. the only time he goes mia like that is when something is definitely upsetting him. also!.. when that happens, he will text me after a couple hrs to let me know how hes feeling & why he was silent. he didnt always do that but i told him to bc its not fair to me by feeling like ive done something or just the feeling of purposely being ignored by my own boyfriend. but yeah.. he didnt do any of that this time BC its this whole situation again. i really dont know what more i could do to reassure him about it. i feel like ive done and am doing all that i can rn. its mostly up to him now to let himself figure it out and honestly, just trust me. like just saying.. im not gonna be making that mistake that you (both) did and be stupid with it.. and neither will snow. theyre not a “friend” its actually becoming really genuine and sweet and i wont let it get ruined bc of him doubting me. i also wont let the friendship ruin me and him. i really cant help but compare it to what he did with his friend, especially since i just found out like a month ago. i also have this suspicion that it happened earlier that yr (when we were still together) than what he told me, but i dont even wanna think about that for any longer. i was told by her Husband! that it happened when they were still in school together. that means a year before. idk if i believe that. she mightve lied, but my suspicion’s still there. like i asked him if he remembered what month and he couldnt. all he knew was that it was during our break..-.- the what.…like 1 1/2 month long break. you dont remember which month..? i sound so salty rn omg i dont mean to. im just trying to understand. ill see how he is with me tm bc we barely talked today. kind of glad i worked most of the day so i was able to keep busy and not hyper focus on him ignoring me.
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Song. Just sad venting singing. So um. Just aware this is very sad.
Why can't I. beli~eve you.
Why can't I see
All that you do.~for me
I sit here in silence
Like the answers will come~ to me.
Why can't I just live
In some stupid fan~ta~sy.
Why can't I just give you
the answers that you plead~ from me.
Why can't I just be
the perfect girl~ that i wish~to~be
It's not like it's helping.
Sorry says nothing.
Why do I trap myself~
In this never ending mis~er~y
So why can't I. Beli~eve you
Why can't I see
All that I've done~to~you.
I left you waiting~ at the~front~ door
You were just chasing~
The calm~ I also~wish~for.
I shouldn't have thrown you~
off to the side.
I should have just waited
instead it ate up~my~mind.
So I tied up the locks.
So you wouldn't break~ like mine.
Believing that eternal~ sile~nce
Would save your life~not mine.
And now we will never~ be seen~ by each~others side
I didn't want to lose you.
It just seemed right at~the~time.
And now I have~ no one~
To support the burning tides.
I am left here with no one~
But my own mind
So why can't I. Beli~eve you.
Why can't I see
All that you try~to~do.
Thousands of whispers
Trying their best.
Telling me it's~okay
That I'll get through~this~test
But the silence~ between them~
eats up my head
Tells myself it's fake~
A hug only feels~ like~a dem~and.
And I try to
I try to~make it~feel real.
But the pain in my chest~
it's har~d to kill.
I want to~ believe you.
Why does it feel wrong.
Why does it feel like~ an old reu~sed song
I know it's all true
Deep in my brain
The logic sticks out
yet All I feel~ is pain
Why can't~ it just be.
Why can't I feel that. child~ish cheer.
When everything~ was fine.
There was chatter everywhere.
But~ now there's noth~ing but static in~my~ear.
And I'm left in my head
Trying~ my best
To hold up a face~
And say okay~ to every~thing said
Why can't I beli~eve you
Why can't I just be~
The face of fantas~tical
That you~ all see~
Why can't I trust your word.
Why can't I just let you be.
Why do I push all the way
Because I don't want you to die~ like~me.
I don't want to be seen~ as a failure to your wish
I don't want to~ disappoint every~one~ I see.
Why is the only~thing~ holding me back.
Is that I know~ you will all~miss~me.
Why does it~ feel selfish
To reach out for help~
That I'll lose all my grand~eur
If something~is~wrong
Why can't I believe you.
Please tell me~ please
I know it's not fake~
Why does it~ dece~ive~me.
I just want to believe you
I just want to be.
Why can't I believe you
Why won't this song leave~
I just want a quiet
Filled with a bliss.
Curious little thoughts.
Playfull little kits.
An art~istic~freedom
where I did things~ for kicks~
When it was all just~for fun.
To show the friends and the kids
And yet I repeat the song.
As I som~berly exist
Why can't I beli~eve you.
I want to believe you.
I wish I could.
I wish.
One day.
One day I will.
I will~ want to~ ex~ist.
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it has been something like. eight or so hours. and i am still trying to figure out how the fuck my eye doctor lost my glasses frames???
like. ive been going to the same eye doctor every year for the last like, six years or something like that. they have never once fucked up this badly.
timeline of events, from my pov under the cut because it got way longer than i thought it would when i first started this.
i go to the eye doctor, having set up an appointment like normal (late because its been a weird summer)
everything goes well until the very end, at which point the computer crashes and loses the data.
annoying, but its fine, i just have to go back in the next day and do it all over again on a saturday while they're busy.
go in again the next day. they're busy as hell, so i am there significantly longer than planned, because i'd set up for a late timeslot on friday for a reason (nobody wants to go to the eye doctor at 6:15 on a friday. trust me. it's great its so dead then.)
go through everything over again, i get a huge discount because i had to go through the inconvenience of coming back to the eye doctor. this is the best news, actually, because i hadn't totally been sold on getting new glasses, but i needed them because my old pair literally make my migraines worse.
the first indication that something was wrong was the fact that they didn't have any trial pairs of the contacts i wear.
This would not cross my mind until i picked up the new contacts a week later when they came in.
I try the contacts. Nothing is properly in focus, and i just think to myself, "oh its just cause i have a new scrip, it's fine, I'll get used to them."
i did not, in fact, get used to them.
About a week later, when my glasses come in, i make a mention to the guy fitting them that the contacts don't seem to be right. he tells me i've got plenty of time to bring them back in, they've got policies for stuff like "wrong prescription"
y'all i went to a friend's house on the other side of town two days later and came home via the bypass in the dark and i couldn't read the highway signs.
that's how badly they fucked this up.
i give it to the end of the week to be sure. End of the first pair of contacts, since i wear biweekly ones.
i go in on friday like "hey. this does not work, when can you get me in?"
and the lady at the front desk was like "well we've got a slot open right now if you've got time"
"nope, i only have until the end of the hour because I'm on lunch from work and i don't have either the contacts or the glasses with me right now. got anything for after (time i got off work that day)?"
"the doctor leaves at (time i got off work), will one of these slots tomorrow work?"
set up the appointment for the next day; i've got my glasses and my contacts and the eye doctor put me through a series of eye tests i'd never actually done before, which was kind of cool.
he was like "if you could shift your bangs back that'd be great, actually, i can't tell if you're squinting or not."
and i was like "well i'm doing my best not to but no problem."
appointment went fantastic, he even had trial contacts for me to put in. i almost cried the difference was so stark between the old scrip and the new one. (turns out the old scrip was just off enough it was giving me low-level headaches constantly. fun! not.)
so i leave the old contacts and the glasses with them to get the lenses replaced and for my new contacts to be ordered. (i looked at the eye chart they sent home with me cause i wanted to see the difference in the prescriptions. there should not be a discrepancy of over a whole number between the two. per eye.)
i picked up the contacts last week.
and now.
today.
this morning, i get two (2) texts saying my orders are in and ready to be picked up. sweet, i think to myself. i'll go pick them up later, get myself a treat while i'm out. grab something for dinner, etc.
i get there and its dead because its been raining all day. fantastic! it shouldn't take long.
i go in.
they're dead.
i let them know i'm here to pick up my order.
here comes today's first confusion: the guy at the desk is having trouble finding my order. which. okay. not a problem (yet).
so i sit and wait and fiddle around on my phone for several minutes while the guy hunts for my glasses.
I am slowly growing more and more confused.
another guy starts helping him out.
the first guy finds a couple of doctor-style ziplock bags and asks me if i have my frames with me.
"Nnnnno. I left them with you guys two weeks ago. I was assuming when I came in, my frames would have new lenses."
I am very confused now.
the gentlemen go on the hunt for my frames.
several more minutes go by, and i am increasingly incredulous and more confused.
i think to myself "did they lose my fucking frames????"
the first guy is sent to the racks of frames to grab a pair of frames that look almost, but not quite, like one of the frames i left with them. blue instead of brown.
the guy goes back in with the frames and i am fully invested.
because.
it sure as hell looks like they lost my fucking frames.
y'all.
they lost my fucking frames.
they got ahold of the lady who's been so helpful basically every time i've seen her and they let me know the situation.
tomorrow, she's going to look into the situation for me. see if she can't find my frames, and if she can't, replace them. gonna call and let me know tomorrow what the deal is.
they offered to give me the blue frames until they could find the frames i'd gotten originally - from THERE, mind you - and i was like
"i don't need the glasses to see. i wear contacts most of the time. my glasses are backups."
so i wasted a solid 45 minutes at the eye doctor today and i'm sure i'll still have to go in tomorrow to talk to someone because they mentioned potentially having to re-order the glasses frames from another store if they couldn't find my glasses.
this was at like. 2:45 this afternoon.
i'm still just like how in the hell did you lose them????
spoke to my roommates earlier about it and they were BOTH like "you are having a shit time with your eyes this year huh?"
and its just like
YEAH. YEAH I AM, ACTUALLY. CAN I GET OFF THIS ROLLERCOASTER NOW
just.
crhist alive
#myde talks#y'all i still have a headache#i'll reblog this tomorrow with an update#myde's eyes#block that tag if you don't care#the woes of capitalism
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hi, it's net anon again.
not sure abt the tw's, but i'm looking for advice and some opinions following my previous ask.
i ended up telling my friend how i felt about revealing my face to him by saying a few things, part of which included the following
"it is not as if ive completely gatekept myself from you, ive tried to give you as much insight into my life w pictures other than my face, & it is not as if im only doing this w you, it stands for anyone i know on the net
ive kept it from years w other so even if it's not your intention which im sure, i dont want to feel pressured into breaking it"
to which he replied i just told him how unspecial our friendship was to me and he was "also" stepping away from me. i was literally taken aback. i told him it wasn't true & listed the few reasons including how he knew more of my life than anyone else & how I'd changed many behaviours thinking of him, taken out time of my own schedule to talk and spend time w him, etc. He replied that i was telling him that i treated him like any other friend and the term "best" friend meant very little to me.
now, his reasons & feelings are all very valid. he feels that it's fucked up to call someone he doesn't even know how he looks a best friend and he's been more of family 2 me than my own. I can't refute that. And i trust him enough to know he won't do anything with my face or photos, but i regardless cannot feel safe. now I've been feeling ive not done anything worthy to call myself his best friend but also that i was wrong in keeping such a "boundary" of not showing myself w someone ive known for so long. I don't think I'm a good person to him. I told him that i would get back to him to "fix" me being too guarded & he just replied with "it's wtv/whatever" I saw that coming tbh. I don't know how to reply to that.
To be really honest, i wish he would have just blocked me when he said he was walking away so i wouldn't have to deal with this. I wish he doesn't give me a second chance because i don't want to share my face. His standard of best friends is simple, sending each other basic silly photos of our lives & i can't even put enough effort for that. It sounds fucking cowardly & stupid.
On one hand, I genuinely want to continue our friendship but on the other it just feels like i don't. I don't know why i'm feeling fine w throwing away such a close friendship, it makes me wonder if it was a close one at all from my side. Could the reason I push away close friends until they're tired of it be linked to my trauma? Is it normal to just closet the feelings when such close friendships come to abrupt ends like this? Is it just because I don't want to step out of ky comfort zone? I have no idea. Please be as honest with me as possible & there is no need to sugarcoat anything if I'm in the wrong here. Thanks.
Hi net,
Please know that asserting boundaries is a crucial aspect of any healthy relationship, whether it's online or offline. Your decision to keep your face private is completely valid, and you have every right to protect your privacy and personal information. Trust and friendship should not be dependent on sharing pictures of your face, and a true friend would understand and respect your boundaries.
It's understandable that you value the friendship and don't want to lose it, but it's also essential to remember that a genuine friend would not push you to do something that makes you uncomfortable. Demanding to see your face despite your discomfort is not a sign of a healthy friendship. Everyone has their unique boundaries and comfort levels and you don't have to conform to someone else's definition of friendship, especially if it compromises your well-being.
Feeling fine with letting go of this friendship may indicate that deep down, you recognize the need to prioritize your well-being and protect yourself from any emotional discomfort or pressure. It's essential to be honest with yourself about your feelings and needs, even if they seem conflicting.
It's possible that trauma may influence your approach to forming and maintaining close friendships. If you can access or afford it, a mental health professional such as a therapist may be able to help you explore how your past experiences might be influencing your current feelings and behaviors in relationships.
Ultimately, it's essential to find friendships that respect and honor your boundaries. True friends will accept you for who you are and won't demand that you compromise your comfort or privacy. It's okay to take some time to reflect on what you want from this friendship and whether it aligns with your values.
I hope I could help and please let us know if you need anything.
-Bun
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I'm going to my first party next week for my friend's birthday and I'm very nervous because I've never drank before and I'm not sure how to act in general 😭 do you have any advice?
omg i have you covered for this romantic advice im dogshit at but PARTIES i can do okay;
dont do anything you dont want to. i hate to sound like a boring mum type but i hope that if u know my blog enough to send this you at least know that i KNOW WHAT IM TALKING ABOUT and also i am not a mum type, so hearing it from me of all people should be a big warning that im speaking facts here. i mean it. if you dont want to drink, dont. if you dont want to stay overnight, dont. if you dont want to kiss someone, DONT. i know it can seem like you HAVE to and you dismiss what adults tell you bc they tend to come from the angle of 'when you're older you wont even remember these things and it will feel silly so you might as well not do it', but genuinely from someone who is still a teenager and remembers these things vividly - it's not a matter of growing out of it; it's a matter of it not being worth it if things go wrong. seriously. you wont be glad of feeling momentarily cool if things take a wrong turn. i get it peer pressure is HORRIBLE, but if you put yourself out of your comfort zone too much you can genuinely wind up in really really terrible situations at a party. ive heard some awful horror stories and some of my own worst memories that i still have to deal with to this day years later stem from parties where i didnt set my boundaries (in an attempt to 'fit in') and people took advantage. so just stick to what YOU want
keep tabs on your friends! mostly bc that'll make you feel safer but also this is generally a good rule to stick by. also make it clear to them that you want them to keep tabs on you too. if you're super nervous, choose the friend you're most comfortable around and just latch onto them for the night. it really eases things just having a familiarity in a new space
'how to act in general' there's no rules! if you want to stay with your friends all night, do it! if you want to meet new people, start a conversation! just do what makes you happy and try not to overthink it
if you do want to drink (and there's nothing wrong with that!) but you've never done it before, then take it slow. dont do more than two shots of ANYTHING at one time, specifically harder spirirts (vodka, tequila, gin, rum). if it feels like it's not hitting you but you know you've drunk enough that it should, DO NOT DRINK MORE. i promise it will hit LMAO. having said that, alcohol typically does hit very quickly, so if after 10/15 mins you still feel the exact same, you should be good. it's very subjective though so listen to what your body is telling you (there's always the bathroom trick; something about sitting down in the bathroom at a party makes you realise very suddenly that you're drunk lmao, i cant explain it)
if someone is offering you an alcohol you've not heard of, it's probably best to check the bottle yourself unless you trust them. if the percentage is higher than 10% then it's reasonably strong, and if it's over 20% then it's strong enough to be taken as a shot. if anyone tries to undersell how strong it is, get the fuck away from them. i dont care if they're joking it's weird and DANGEROUS to lie to people about shit like that. if it's your first time, rather be too sober than too drunk
#aside that HAVE FUN#parties can be really great sorry if i made them seem scary here but it's just shit i had to find out the long hard way over the years#and id much rather someone just laid it out to me like this#just take care of yourself and your friends and make sure they take care of you!#social anxiety cant be helped but at no point should you ever feel genuinely uncomfortable#ask
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being friends with me sucks because i will never ever send the first message unless ive like. slept in the same bed as you (AND EVEN THEN ITS HARD ive known these bitches for 10 years why am i still nervous to send them dms specifically KSJFS)
(ramble)
i think dms naturally just make me anxious because then i have to do smalltalk in a private setting? god i hope not, im really awful at carrying a conversation. ive done my best to like... get better but its hard to keep track of things. im the kind of loser who looks shit up like "how to keep a conversation going" its real bad
but oh man, do i wanna talk to someone? absolutely. bouncing my leg biting my nails type shit the urge inside of me to reach out, the urge is strong but the anxiety is stronger SKFJSF
like many things it sorta comes from bpd too? ive got such a crippling fear of rejection, of not being wanted or not being welcome, that shit will keep me away from ANYTHING i dont care we could be roleplaying hot gay sex every day if i get the idea that there could be some reason im not wanted at that moment i CLING to it and i will never speak to you again unless you start it. its. humiliating and EMBARRASSING but.. its just how my brain works.
it makes me feel awful too, cuz i dont like.... there is a very real chance that if you tell me something and its not clear what you mean, or its blunt, short etc. ive heard people with trauma often take neutral cues and negative and that is so fucking true for me my brain immediately is like "oh you pissed them off lol" and im just. sat with dread because I KNOW ITS NOT REAL, i know trust me i know. i know my brain is making it up and everything is fine,
i used to ask for clarifications, but i learned to stop doing that because it makes me sound even crazier. they mean shit normally, so i cant ask "are you mad at me, did i do something wrong?" cuz it freaks em out like??? no nothing is wrong tf (and even that reaction alone could cause my brain to double down. its EXHAUSTING).
THAT ALONE will keep me away as well, i hate feeling like a burden, and big surprise lots of people think of borderlines as burdens. yippee. this is technically fine though? i dont make many friends to begin with, or well. i dont MAINTAIN them i think i make them a decent amount but i guess.. in my head, if you are my friend, yr my friend forever. like unless we specifically part ways, i will always think of you fondly. doesnt matter if we havent talked for weeks, months, years. ill think of you and go "oh yeah, that person is my buddy :]"
UNFORTUNATELY i dont know anyone else who thinks this besides me, which means theres probably lots of "friendships" in my head that are now one sided, bummer. idk it sucks, i have dreams about that kinda shit, where like... my friends from middleschool, id come home and theyd be happy to see me again and tell me how much they missed me, but thats just fantasy 😔
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Oh, to be a mysterious old book collector that goes by Mr Valentine even though no one knows my real name or whether im a man or a woman. I wear half moon glasses with a gold rim and am never seen wearing anything other than an immaculately put together outfit of a long coat, a dress shirt and some worn dark green pants, maybe some suspenders, that fits my aesthetic perfectly. I have been fascinated with books since i was little, and worked as a librarian and delivery boy for most of my twenties, until the untimely death of my grandfather (who was always a little peculiar) leaves me with a small fortune and a large mansion full to the brim with trinkets and collectibles. I sell the house and use some of the money to buy a small cottage in the middle of nowhere. I keep as many of the trinkets as i can. After that i travel around in search of first edition plays or poem translations never published or a fascinating set of letters in an exchange between forbidden lovers in the 1800s. I collect a very very large collection of pieces of writing through the ages that i keep in my little cottage safehouse. I travel to france to london to moscow to japan, and once even to argentina and egypt. I go on ships and trains exclusively because thats where you can find things you didnt even know you where looking for. The day i turn sixty five i find a letter that leads me down a rabbit hole and i end up uncovering a decades old conspiracy that is still going to this day. I spend a decade following the trail, storing everything i find back in my little house in the woods, until one day i trust the wrong person and realise ive gotten poisoned. In my last moments i leave a note that i put in a book that i send in a little cart down the river Volga, which is frozen (im in moscow at the time). I hobble to the red square and die curled up near the ice rink. Ive always liked moscow during winter. My murderers think theyve put a stop to my knowledge but what they dont know is that ive left my cottage, and everything in it, to an old friend who has never gotten married, who ive always had a bit of a soft spot for. She learns of my death and mourns at least a little inside for the rest of her life. When she dies of old age she leaves my collection to her young granddaughter, who is so quiet and unbothered by anything that people call her peculiar in that way that implies something much more severe. When she finds out about the cottage she is delighted and moves there as soon as shes done with her education, intending to write biographies and historical non fiction using the resources i amassed, but not three years into her stay she hears a knock on her door during a storm and opens it warily only to find a bedraggled, lanky girl trying her best to cove a very old book from the rain who speaks in a heavy russian accent and begs to be let in so she can explain who she is. The girl lets her in and gives her a blanket and hot chocolate and listens to her tell a wild story about finding a book under a bridge and taking it and then having to run from someone who happened to see her carry it and started following her home, eventually resulting in her having to leave the country out of fear of being stalked, and finding an address disguised as a riddle in the book she picked up and deciding to go there. Her and the granddaughter become fast friends even though one speaks mostly in russian and the other in french, and then they both uncover the conspiracy and are forced out of the cottage into an adventure that they will never forget, during which they find out a lot more about my life and also fall in love. They survive and live the rest of their lives traveling, like i did, following trail after trail. They die in peace, leaving everything in their will to a young mother they see almost as a daughter and my legacy continues and grows through mother after daughter after granddaughter after lover. Centuries down the line, my grave is wrapped in pink lilies and blue forget-me-nots
#writing#yes i know how ridiculous the book in a cart down the volga things is#this whole thing is ridiculous and i wasnt about to put thought into this#wlw#sapphic#librarian#pink lilies represent feminity btw#this will get like 2 notes and it will be embarrassing. but oh well
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