#like. i dont know if im lonely or i just want to feel lonely. that line hit right
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What physical part(s) of Arsay does her partners find the most attractive! Is it the same for all partners or does it differ between them?
(also optional bonus ask of what part(s) of/about Arsay generally do they love the most, physical or not!)
Meanwhile, if you were to ask the same of Arsay:
#ffxiv#wolship#g'raha tia#y'shtola rhul#wolgraha#wolshtola#y'shtola x wol#arsay nun#graharshtola#y'shtola calling arsay a pain in her side is very much an affectionate thing btw#and i couldnt pass up the joke of g'raha giving the sweet gentlemanly response only for yshtola to be like 'tits tbh'#her defaulting to an answer that would probably stop the conversation before she has to talk to much about her deeper feelings imo#i have. a lot of feelings about yshtola and arsay's friendship#someone who is constantly trying to build walls between herself and others vs someone who desperately wants to form real connections#its not a 'wearing that person down' type situation either#just one lonely person seeing another lonely person and hoping that they could be less lonely together#or that she could at least bring some cheer to#and idk yshtola strikes me as the type to have been like 'if they want to be my friend they have to work for it'#which arsay certainly did#i could ramble on and on how their friendship lines up so well with yshtolas character development but theres a limit to these tags#so just look at how cute shtola is with the slightest blush on her cheeks#graha is a much more complicated topic since he went from Extreme adoration to I want to be her friend but I dont think im good enough#to 100% Hero worship again to Shes my hero and I love her to Shes a person and I love her#to I love Arsay. Even the parts she can't love in herself. I will love all of her till my dying breath.#he thinks shes the most beautiful person in the world and the most important thing in his life#but he now knows how insane she's been about being everyone's hero and he really doesnt want to feed that beast#so hes trying to build her up in other ways#focusing more on the adventuring side than the saving the world side#and then there is arsay who loves so much about her partners and is in capable of narrowing it down to any one thing so its#'here let me list everything that comes to mind right now' with 0 shame or filter
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matrophobia
#rgg#ryu ga gotoku#ryu ga gotoku 7#yakuza series#yakuza like a dragon#yakuza 7#masumi arakawa#masato arakawa#snap sketches#oh my god im going to pass out but my tag ramble is necessary. like especially this time#i was just gonna draw his Actual mom but then i wanted to get saucy with it. also i miss drawing wolves but theres a purpose i promise#ive loved wolves since i was a kid since theyre like. family-oriented and shit. of course a lonely loser ass kid gonna think thats cool#when i think of wolves i think of family- which is what you should think of with your mom right#but a lot of people know wolves are monsters so. ysee where im goin with this one#the flowers and thorns arent Just Random i Double Promise: i snagged inspo from her flower shirt#i originally had the roses be purple to highlight that buuut i didnt want any more color aside from red#did i have anymore notes..... i dont think so. thats all i had to explain :) this is mid ik i just needed it done tho im TIRED#OH HER MULTIPLE EYES its supposed to be inspired by her necklace :) the third eye has a purpose im too tired to explain rn tho#the jo alternative was more depressing since i wanted to put emphasis on his feelings of inadequacy in that#BUT i figured hey. let me have a /lil/ happiness today right. i can do that at least let me draw that at least#ignore the fact i got more bad news while drawing this and almost abandoned it as a result but we push through :)#in any case. im subjecting arakawa to more horrors tomorrow i guess sorry king youve had it good too long. i GUESS#to round this off. Obligatory Vent Portion because myyyyy GOD. i have nightmares about my mom every night#its been that way since like. february- ive always had nightmares bout her but theyve ramped up since The Event#and for the most part i just wake up tired and despondent but sometimes the nightmares just make me wake up gasping for air#like i was TRULY just fighting for my life then and itd been a while since i had a nightmare like that#and just. coupled with how trash my months been. and now that im comm free.(dm me;) ) i figured id express the soul a bit#alright NOW im done. im pretty sure. goodnight everyone come back for part ii of. whatever this was#IM ALL OUT OF TAGS NOW LMAO THATS EPIC ok bye fr
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i wnna die bc i'll always be alone. no one will ever be able to understand me or love me for who i truly am etc etc. like there is always smth that makes me unloveable and makes them just leave me bc oh that thing was too much or oh this thing they didnt like. the more i show myself to someone ans the more they know... the less they'll like me. im impossible to know completely and still love
#and they might say they like me now but im just waiting for the one thing to xome up that will make them unlike me skksksks#this is why i am so tired#i am so tired of talking to ppl and trying to make friends or connections#i have to hide so much of myself#i just dont see how anyone could ever see it all but still want me or love me#i dont know... i feel so lonely and alienated all the time it's consuming every atom of my being#📓💭
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That single queer person moment when you finish watching or reading some lgbtq+ media and then feel that deep profound yearning and sadness for something you have never experienced and may never experience.
#relationships#crush hulu#crush#heartstopper#ofmd#our flag means death#im so sad rn#number 1: all my previous have been awful because of me and my inability to let go of my fears and anxieties#number 2: i have ocd and everything makes me feel like I'm a bad person and am ruining peoples lives#number 3: i dont know my own feelings#number 4: i am such a clueless bisexual#number 5: i will fall in love with people just because they're nice to me and then lose my feelings in like two business days#number 6: man i am so Fucking Lonely#i just want a gf? is that so hard to ask for?#lgbtq
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just officially sent in my resignation for my fucking childhood dream workplace
#my boss always talks about her 'guilt complex' lmao. as soon as i have another job and dont need to worry about burning bridges#im sending this bitch a letter detailing exactly why she deserves to feel guilty for the rest of her fucking life#i hope she lies awake at night picturing my face. fully intend on letting her know how close i came to killing myself.#fully intend on intentionally continuously saying its bc SHE MADE ME anxious and SHE MADE ME depressed#since she doesnt believe she can make me anxious#i hope she has to attend therapy. i want to make her feel as guilty as she made me feel like fucking shit#fully just wish nothing but the worst for her for the rest of her lonely miserable life. i hope she realizes soon that everyone hates her#truly one of the people she considers to be a close family member also works in our department and hates her!#talks all the time about how awful she is and how horribly she treats all of us#i hope she feels that hatred every day of her fucking life and i hope she never sees true happiness as a result#until the day that my memories of my childhood refuge from abuse are no longer tainted by HER abuse‚ i pray she never knows peace
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you guys can pry “mike is a queen fan” from my cold dead hands. usually im happy to debate over headcanons or analysis but this one is true the duffers told me themselves
#stranger things#byler#mike wheeler#sorry but i dont budge on this at all#his s4 outfit with the white shirt and STUDDED FUCKING BELT#IS SO FREDDIE MERCURY CODED#i know that he'd very likely prefer mid-late queen to early queen though#like hes more of a 'i want to break free' guy than a 'nevermore' guy#mike listens to radio gaga sorry i dont make the rules i just spread the truth#radio gaga is also vaguely mike-coded as a whole#like with the whole idea of feeling invisible#and lonely#however i also know that he is a killer queen gay sorry guys im not budging on this one#like hes still more of a 'i want to break free' guy than he is a killer queen guy but#him and will are both killer queen enthusiasts they would sing along to it#will already has queen on his official playlist i feel like theyre both queen fans but on different sides of the queen music taste spectrum#usually but have some song tastes that overlap#like will is more of a 'in the lap of the gods' queen gay mike is more of a#'i want to break free' and killer queen gay#and they are BOTH 'under pressure' gays#this is not up for debate#they also both agree on 'somebody to love'#mike singing it dramatically i KNOW HE WOULD I KNOW IN MY BONES#MIKE SINGING SOMEBODY TO LOVE DRAMATICALLY AT WILL AND WILL ROLLS HIS EYES AND JOINS IN#GODDDDDDDDDDDDD#anyway i know in my heart that mike and will are both queen fans but like i said#on different parts of the queen music taste spectrum but also have some overlapping tastes
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what they don't tell you about life is that it's hard. woe is me
#ramblings#yes. i logged onto tumblr just to complain.#i have not been having a good time irl </3#guys am i cooked? i wake up everyday with a heavy sorrow in my heart.#i am sad all the time even though i enjoy the wonders of life.#i laugh and smile and talk and learn. but im still sad.#it also doesn't help that i have psychotic tendencies and episodes#'go for a walk. that's a healthy coping mechanism' bro i can't even go outside bc i will get lost and walk for hours and almost-#unintentionally kill myself#it sucks. it all sucks and i say things that don't make sense either. apparently. allegedly.#i just want a functional brain. i would be so unstoppable if it weren't from my brain maybe i could actually function like a normal person#and hold down a job and be consistent with my hobbies and passions and actually maintain friendships#ong ive been so lonely too#i haven't bothered making friends anymore bc i know i won't be consistent and i dont wanna waste anyone's time#that's just really unfair#and i rely so heavily on videogames and fiction to get me through the day#bc it makes me feel less lonely. yeah i know i sound lame 💀#anyways- see y'all in another year when i remember tumblr exists
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I would pay exorbitant amounts to see a live action, adult-oriented show with all the agony, heart, and hilarity of ourgoodshadows surrounding queer women pretty pleaseeeee
#yes i know all about the cartoon lesbians they're excellent#but an explicitly queer show geared toward adults about a sapphic relationship would be nice yknow#theres older shows but they dont really align with the vibe i like#plus im a fan of vamps pirates and demons. sue me.#the only adult woman-centric queer show i know with the same sort of fantastical life-or-death will-they-wont-they vibe is utena#which is excellent but theres only so much utena in the world unfortunately#if anyone has any recs please feel free to share im desperate here#because being a lesbian with my main obsessions almost exclusively surrounding masculine queer expression feels lonely sometimes#dont get me wrong masc queer expression is great!#in fact i tend to relate to it more than femme lesbian stories since im butch/genderfluid/whateverthefuck#i just want a show that examines feminine queerness with the same complexity that o/fmd does#and the women get to try to kill eachother as a treat <3#tldr; old man yaoi is great but i also if someone did a old woman yuri romcom i would explode on the spot#um. essay over.#personal
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not gonna lie yall, it feels like all I do is either work or recover from work and it's bumming me out big time
#I don't have a chronic illness. I shouldn't be taking this long to recover#idk why I can't get home from work and go straight to writing#it's like I have to spend a day mustering up the will to live in the face of ongoing capitalism#it's my own fault. I would have had a two day weekend but they asked me to come in to cover someone and my clown ass said sure#I want to be pissed at the coworker who called off but it's my own fault for accepting#I had a phone interview today and I am ANXIOUS to know if they're going to bring me in for a second interview I NEED a better job#I just want a job where I dont dread going to work and also maybe get paid more than minimum wage#feeling really depressed about capitalism and working forever and knowing I'll never be able to afford a house#I WANT TIME TO DO MY HOBBIES GOD DAMN IT ;A;#also im lonely as hell. how am I supposed to go out and meet people if I'm too tired to do anything#I wanna meet someone. I wanna be loved romantically.
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hiiii.. um my inbox is open if anyone is curious abt my art or want to talk abt things i've drawn for or anything like that...
#personal#(dont feel forced to say or do anything ofc tho)#sorry i am just like. in bad and lonely spirits lately lol...#im envious of others who get to interact and chat w followers ;_;#even tho i havent made myself a very sociable person#im sad that i've failed to connect or make friends w ppl/artists in other communities#everytime i go in tags i feel like squidward looking out his window meme#i want to have fun and be included too ;_;#but i dont know how to befriend or leave a lasting impression on others around me...#cries
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my birthday week is like a fight for my fucking life.
#like i dont like my birthday bc i dont like attention and also bc the fact i am still alive when i never planned to be is so heavy#which makes it feel like all of a sudden i have a timer and i need to kiilllmyself#but mostly. The biggest issue is i think of my exbest friend bc it was our week always even if they treated me horrible#and i would just go along with whatever they wanted even if i hated it and i just think about them think about them think about them#and i dont want them in my life but i will talk myself into missing them#and feel guilty like its my fault like i deserved everything they did to me like i should never be allowed to move past it#and then i get so embarassed over how i let them rule my life and ruin so much for me and made me break away from people i care about#but then its like im so lonely at least they were always there even if they hated me#even if they wanted me to be so miserable even if they just wanted to know they would always have someone to push around#And i still have trouble when it comes to food im still scared of opening up to people im still scared of my friends of buying new clothes#somehow everything they said to and about me was true even though none of it is and it hurt me and ruined so much#but i must have deserved it. they were supposed to know me best. and i never have known myself#so everything they had said about me has been true for so long.#every time i have the thought that i miss them i think i need to crash my car#every year it gets better every week it is easier but its been so bad recently its been so bad i feel like pieces of me are falling apart#i dont want to manifest this year it being bad bc its just starting to get easier after my total depressive state but god#im looking at are they made for me years ago and i want to rip it apart but i cant every time i try i almost throw up.#i think im going to throw up right now.#deeply pathetic.#news with isaac
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It's way past my bedtime and I'm horrifically sad in an empty way lacking meaning and I could call in sick but I'm not /actually/ sick and if I stay home to read and cook all day my mother will be like 'oh well ur not really sick obvs' but it's like....the brain... Staying back and making soup and pasta for the week's meal prep and reading a book probably WOULD help
#the duality of fran#im just. idk. idk where this has come from#im always sad. by nature#but this is an intense emptiness#a lack of meaning or purpose that feels impossible to solve#it is a reckoning with how truly lonely i am and always have been and probably always will be#a reckoning with my false selves and my grief and my everyone at arms length. the carefully curated vulnerablity#bc if i exposed the deepest truths and secrets of my heart....#the distance and casual disinterest are familiar and therefore safe#i give and i am warm and bubbly and kind because i am afraid to take. i do not know how to take. all i want is to take#but im not allowed. its for other people not me. so i lie about goodness and duty#im also potentially just like. maybe [redacted] is a significant health issue#but again. woman disease. for an organ system i dont want or need#can i mutilate myself with a spoon. to fix this
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hmm
#i just feel like i cant connect to anyone#i dont feel safe with anyone. ppl are so cold and callous#and in fact most ppl support and contribute to abuse & rape culture#and knowing that just makes me not feel safe or comfortable with them#thus i cant trust them w my experiences. i cant trust them at all tbh#+ i have a deeper connection w animals & nature and most ppl.. are so disconnected from those#i just dont feel.. ok with anyone#also the fact that i constantly have to mask. every interaction w ppl feels like a performance#everyone already has decided what they think others should be. and i dont fit into that. im none of it#so i feel sm like no one could understand me. and in turn i dont understand anyone either :/#it's making me feel so so so so fucking lonely#my world views and experiences and everything are things i just cannot ignore#i simply cant shut it off and be w ppl regardless#and i know i cant expect to meet ppl EXACTLY like me. but i just want some that are kinda similar#sigh all of this is so hard to even put into words. it feels like im not explaining this properly#i just look around me sometimes and feel so extremely alone bc i cant connect w anyone. i just dont understand ppl at all.#and i just wanna feel safe and comfortable#maybe what im saying is that someone world views and morals etc are important to me#i cant connect with someone who denies a genocide for example#bc that is so fundamentally against who i am and what i believe in#but it is so fkn rare i cant even come up w an example of me coming across someone similar to mtyself#idk.. just dont wanna be alone
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you know one thing i truly like about writing a canon character is just how cool it is to notice the little bits and pieces and headcanons i put in creates this butterfly effect, and then down the road in my various verses, everything is just so different ?! canon divergence is my favorite thing about writing a canon character in general. i live for that stuff !! ♡
#idk if anyone knows about the deleted scene in Beyond where Jim#and Scotty are parting ways in Yorktown and he's gonna go have#dinner with someone-- clearly a date. and then Jim politely says no#and that he'll go find something to do etc. and it highlights how lonely#he is. he doesnt have an intimate connection etc and im like... this#literally did not happen for my Jim bc by this point he's already with#Carol and how /lost/ he feels. trying to find his purpose etc has NO#loneliness factor? he doesnt put in an application to be an admiral with#that influence either. it is solely bc he just wants to do more for the#rest of the galaxy and have a bigger impact in Starfleet. it doesnt have#that /personal feeling of lost/ YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN AND IDK#THAT IS JUST SO COOL. i am rambling dont mind me babes skksdf#tbd
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tired girl hours i’m just ranting bcos i don’t have enough time to cry
#tw rant#studying med is no joke. ik it was gonna be a commitment n that it wasnt gonna be easy n i thought i was prepared but im not#its my passion. i love what im studying and ive dedicated myself to this path but i just. its so hard n i just want to cry. everyday feels#so tiring. morning to night classes. when i get home i have to read 4 chapters MINIMUM n the books are so thick + exams almost everyday#i feel worse knowing there’s this 1 girl in my friend group that cant decide whether she likes me or not. one moment shes complimenting me#n asking where i get my outfits or my nails done or my earrings or whatever then praising me that i probably study the least out of everyone#yet still reach high student rankings but its not that im lazy im just so exhausted n its hard to have motivation... lowkey envy how my#friends study minimum 4 hours a day. we’re all tired n sleep deprived. even taking 30mins to eat makes me feel guilty. cant even watch 1 ep#of an anime bcos ill be thinking about the amount of work to do. and i have sm plans. i wanna be more active and have a healthier lifestyle#but i cant find it in me to wake up every 5am to go to the gym when i just wanna get as much sleep when im lucky to finish my studies today#i also dont see my bestest friends everyday anymore. some of us move to diff unis or some in diff majors. i just miss them so bad it hurts#and i miss the girl i used to be when i still had time and energy to indulge in my hobbies. i miss playing genshin and writing fics#just when i got back to writing and enjoyed it LOVED IT i had to go back to uni. i feel terribly lonely even when im always with people#im afraid ill completely lose grasp of the little things that make me happy bcos the weight of my responsibilities are heavier#im afraid ill be too focused on success again like i was when i was 17 and forget that its okay to relax too but idk#and i wanna meet more people make more friends have new experiences. i wanna feel alive again. and theres sm i wanna talk to or get to know#but im so afraid of people hurting me or disappointing me or people getting to know me only for the friendships to fail or we’ll dislike eac#h other. i wanna date and fall in love again and experience the romance my peers have. i wanna have someone to call my own person but the fe#ar of having someone only to lose them someday scares the hell outta me. im not ready for another heartbreak so i isolate myself and watch#people from afar. uni gives me sm freedom to do everything else and form my own identity but i dont wanna be Perceived. I wanna be heard and#seen n connect with people. but w my curreny state idt i can handle being vulnerable with others. it feels so lonely that the things i want#are out of my rrach but idt i can manage my time to meet new people and make new memories. i console myself by shopping a lot and going to#spas to relax yet i still find it hard to sleep. im afraid im wasting my time. im not as brave as i used to be. im not as efficient as i was#i get older and more tired and while i never questioned if studying med was the path i want i do question what will happen next#“is this all im ever going to be?” im good at what i do but day by day i lose sight of tje girl who knew how to laugh n smile. ik what makes#me happy but i rarely smile genuinely anymore. im so tired and want to sleep for a long time but i dont wanna fail. i dont wanna be NOT good#but it makes me cry when i know i can do many great things but i dont feel loved. people compliment me but dont approach me bcos they say im#intimidating or that im too quiet in class. i wish i could tell them i wanna join their parties too or i wanna meet their friends n hangout#but what if it doesnt work out? what if i wasted my time getting to know someone id eventually regret? what if im the disappointing one?#the days are getting shorter but it always feels like a long day. im ashamed to admit i want someone to hold me yet refuse to have anyone
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yeah i am straight up not having a good time lately
#im so fucking lonely#and its easier to just yell into the void here than talk to anyone else#because i just feel so pathetic and i fucking hate when people get worried about me because im so past that but im so sick and tired of#being alone as the default. im getting better socially but im still such a coward#and i hate being home because when im not doing well my parents go into panic mode and start babying me because they dont want me to relaps#or anything like that but it just makes me feel so stupid for even being depressed by#like i fucking hate this and i hate anyone worrying about me at all#and im tired of seeing people who knew me when i was younger saying how miraculous my recovert was and my parents telling me that they didnt#expect me to be able to go to college and knowing they were looking into long term facilities for me because i hate everything i was and i#genuinly belive i have not gotten better at all ive just stopped telling the professionals the scary shit#im so tired and so lonely and so stressed
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