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spanishskulduggery · 3 years

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Hi! I'm very curious about something regarding the Spanish language. I'm currently studying A2 Spanish but I had this question and my teacher did not seem too willing to discuss it. Here it goes:

I know that Spanish has, something my Spanish teacher says, linguistic gender. I was wondering how do the people who don't align themselves with the gender binary (masculine and feminine) speak/write in it? I have read this article about Spanish speaking people from US adding "x" Or "@" and people from Argentina using "e" to make the words gender neutral.

Thank you so much for responding, whenever you get to it. Also love your blog. ❤

Short answer, in general speaking terms people are tending towards the -e now because the other two are very hard to actually speak, and because Spanish-speakers feel the -e is more authentic

What you're most likely to see in Spanish is masculine plural as the default, or in written things you might see todos y todas or like un/una alumno/a "a student", or like se busca empleado/a "employees wanted" / "looking for an employee"

If it's something official or academic you typically include both [todas y todas] or you go masculine plural [todos] unless it's specifically feminine plural

Related, linguistic gender applies to all things, not just people. Why is la mesa "table" feminine, but el libro "book" masculine? Just linguistic gender. I can tell you that most loanwords (that aren't people) in Spanish are masculine, and that there are certain words that come from Greek are masculine, and that -ista words are unisex most of the time... And I can tell you there are some words like testigo or modelo that are unisex and don't change for gender. Aside from that, speaking about nouns and grammatical gender... those particular things are harder to parse for regular people, but if you go into the field of linguistics you can explore that more deeply. Some of it is source language (i.e. "it came from Latin this way") or things like that. And in general when talking about nouns it's unimportant and not considered sexist, that's just how it is.

There is such a thing where it gets a little too far the other way and people will say "history? what about herstory" which is a nice thought but the etymology has nothing to do with gender there

When it comes to people - and when it comes to gendered attitudes - that's where it gets more confusing and more complicated.

I believe there was an experiment where people had French and Spanish speakers [I believe it was Spanish] try to identify how a "fork" would sound. French people gave it a more feminine voice because "fork" is feminine in French, while Spanish speakers gave it a more masculine voice because it's masculine in Spanish.

Whether we like it or not, certain gendered things do influence our thoughts and feelings and reactions. A similar thing in English exists where the old joke was something like "There was a car accident; a boy is rushed to the ER and the surgeon but the father was killed. When they got to the ER the doctor said 'I can't operate on him, he's my son!'" and it's like "well who could the doctor be?" ...and the doctor is his mother. We associate "doctor" as masculine and "nurse" as feminine.

There's a gender bias in our language thought patterns, even though the language changes. And that does exist in Spanish too, to different extents.

There are certain cultural and gendered stereotypes or connotations attached to certain words, many tend to be more despective or pejorative when it's women.

For example - and I know this has changed in many places or it isn't as prevalent - el jinete "horseman/rider", while the female form is la amazona "horsewoman/rider". Because la jinete or la jineta was sometimes "promiscuous woman".

There were also debates about things like la presidente vs. la presidenta or what the female version of juez should be, whether it should be la juez or la jueza

Most languages with gendered language have varying degrees of this, and all languages I'm aware of have gendered stereotypes related to professions or cultural attitudes in some way, and not just for women, and not all in the same way with some of them being very culturally based

The longer answer involves a bit of history, and I'll be honest, some of it is contested or considered a little controversial in Spanish-speaking countries particularly in the conservative parts (which honestly should come as no surprise)

The first symbol that I know of that came about was the X

First piece of contested history: As far as I know, it was the trans/queer and drag communities in Latin America who started the trend of X. When there were signs or bulletins that had the gendered endings - specifically masculine plural as the default plural - people would write a big X through the O. This was a way of being inclusive and also a very smash the patriarchy move.

Some people attribute this to women's rights activists which may also be true, but a good portion of the things I read from people say it was the trans/queer/drag communities in Latin America doing this.

I've also read it originated in Brazil with Portuguese; still Latin America, but not a Spanish-speaking country.

Where it's most contested is that some people will say that this trend started in the Hispanic communities of the United States. And - not without reason - people are upset that this is perceived as a very gringo movement.

That's why Latinx is considered a very American-Hispanic experience

The arroba (@) is relatively new. I remember seeing it in the 2000s. I don't know if it existed earlier for gender inclusivity.

People used it because it looks like a combination of O and A, so it was meant to be cut down on saying things like todos y todas or niños y niñas in informal written speech

I remember quite a few (informal) emails starting like hola tod@s or muy buenas a tod@s or things like that

I think of it more as convenience especially in the information age where you never knew who you were talking to and it's easier than including both words, especially when masculine plural might be clumsy or insensitive

Still, it's practically impossible to use the @ in spoken Spanish, so it's better for writing casually. You also likely won't be allowed to use the @ in anything academic, but in chatrooms, blogs, or forums it's an option

I love the E ending. And the gender neutral form in singular is elle... so it's él "he", ella "she", and elle "they (singular)"

The -e ending is I think became more common within the past 10 years though it might have existed longer than that. These sorts of changes tend to come from the queer or trans communities and tend to be more insular before becoming more of an outside thing that then the general population finds out about

It came about because there are some adjectives in Spanish that end in -e that are unisex. It's not an A, it's not an O, but it's something grammatically neutral for Spanish

It's not as awkward as X, and E exists very firmly in Spanish so it's not perceived as some outside (typically gringo) influence

The good news is, it's pretty widespread on the internet. Not so much in person (yet), but especially in Spain and Argentina at least from what I've seen, particularly in the queer communities and online culture.

The only issues with it are that for non-native speakers, you have to get used to any spelling changes. Like amigo and amiga, but to use the E ending you have to add a U... so it's amigue.

That's because there are certain words where you have to do spelling changes to preserve the sound; gue has a hard G sound like -go does [like guerra]... but ge has the equivalent of an English H sound [gelatina for example]. Another one is cómico/a "funny" which would go to cómique. Again, because co has a hard C/K sound, while ce is a soft sound more like an S or in some contexts TH/Z sound; like centro is a soft sound, while cola is a hard sound

Unless you make it to the preterite forms where you come across like pagué, alcancé, practiqué with those types of endings... or subjunctive forms, pague, alcance, practique ... Basically you'd have to be exposed to those spelling rules or you'd be really confused if you were a total beginner.

It all makes sense when you speak it, but spelling might be harder before you learn those rules

The other drawback is that the E endings are sometimes not applicable. Like in damas y caballeros "ladies and gentlemen" there's not really a gender neutral variation on that, it's all binary there. And while la caballero "female knight" does exist, you'd never see a male variation on dama; the closest I've ever seen is calling a guy a damisela en apuros "damsel in distress" in some contexts where the man needs rescuing, and it's feminine una/la damisela, and it's very tongue-in-cheek

There are also some contexts like jefe vs jefa where I guess you would say jefe for "boss" if you were going the neutral route, but it's a bit weird because it's also the masculine option.

I can't speak for how people might feel about those if they're non-binary or agender because every so often you kind of get forced into the binary whether you like it or not

I totally support the E, I just recognize there are some limitations there and it's quirks of the Spanish language itself

Important Note: Just to reiterate, E endings are the ones most Spanish-speakers prefer because it's easiest to speak and doesn't have the American connotation that X does in some circles

Where it gets very "Facebook comment section" is that you'll see many Latin Americans traditionalists and conservatives claim that "this is just the gringos colonizing our language" and "grammatical gender doesn't matter in Spanish". They'll say that the "gender movement" is an American feminist movement and that it's a gringo thing and doesn't reflect actual Latin Americans or Spanish-speakers

Which on the one hand, yes, English does have a lot of undue influence on other languages because of colonization, and American influence and meddling in Latin American politics is a big important issue

But as far as I'm aware of the X (and especially the E) were created by Latin Americans

The other issue I personally have is that any time this conversation comes up, someone will say something like somos latinOs and claim that masculine plural is gender neutral

To that I say, first of all, "masculine plural" is inherently gendered. Additionally, there is a gender neutral in Spanish but it's lo or ello and it's only used with "it" so it sounds very unfriendly to use on an actual person... and in plural it looks like masculine plural and everything applies like masculine plural

Second, the reason masculine plural is default is because of machismo. It's more important that we don't possibly misgender a man, so it has to be masculine plural. It's changed in some places, but growing up when I was learning Spanish, if it was 99 women and 1 man you still had to put masculine plural

I'm not opposed to there being a default, and I understand why it's easier to use masculine plural, but some people get very upset at the idea of inclusive language

...

In general, my biggest issues with these comments come when people act like non-binary/queer/trans people don't exist in Spanish-speaking countries, like English invented them somehow. So it's nice to see linguistic self-determination and seeing native speakers using the E endings.

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missdrarrydawn · 3 years

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This blog is why we need post-birth abortion rights for women. Your mother would have made the right choice.

yes wow darling very smart you sound incredibly intelligent for sending this yes yes quite an outstanding achievement you got there, amazingly brave too, yes such courage to go on anon and insult people, wow i applaud your bravery truly

my blog is a HP blog with ocassional diverse content, you're getting mad at a joke post that's probably 4-5 days old by now (i'm not sure about this exactly as i lose track of time easily) that described a real medically documented experience a lot of trans women have been observed to go through as their transition and therapy continues which i said is similar to a period of a cisgender woman because of the very real similarities between the two processes

i very clearly stated twice that they are biologically different but still similar enough to warrant validation

i support trans women and i always have and i always will, they are real women just as much as i am. i also understand, unlike most of you getting mad in the notes of the post, that women are not walking talking uteruses and i do not reduce nor define women by that one thing alone because that would be ridiculous and hurtful, since there is more to being a woman than just having a uterus

i don't really see why everyone is so upset (transphobes gonna transphobe i suppose) that i called a trans woman's cycle period like or a pseudo period, when that is the most accurate term that exists for that process as of right now.

what else would you call hormonal fluctuations of estrogen and progesterone (because guess what? trans women do in fact receive estrogen and progesterone injections as part of feminizing hormone therapy) and other symptoms (abdominal cramping, headaches, acne breakouts, hot flashes, dizziness, mood swings, pain, nausea etc.) happening every 5 weeks and lasting for 6-7 days? that's right, everyone would call that a period, it's just the most accurate way to describe the process.

trans women can not menstruate, they can not bleed because they do not have a uterus (something i very explicitly stated in my post explaining my point but transphobes can't read apparently) but, like I said in my original post, the bleeding is honestly the least important byproduct of a period, or better yet, the entire cycle, because it is just that - a byproduct, a consequence of the uterine lining shedding. it is not the one defining staple of a cycle, a lot of cis women don't menstruate but you don't go around calling them fake so. the bleeding is not the goal of a monthly cycle, it is not the end result your body wants to reach (the end result would ideally be pregnancy), just a consequence of the process, and i argue it is the least important part of it, its nothing more than another symptom, just like the cramps and pain are

do you want to know what your entire argument sounds like? let me demonstrate:

person A comes in with a fever, a sore throat and a runny nose. their doctor tells them they have a cold.

person B comes in with a fever and a sore throat but no runny nose. their doctor tells them they're faking their cold and should stop pretending to have a cold because it is insensitive to people who have real colds since person B hasn't presented every single typical byproduct and symptom having a cold produces unlike person A did

yea? isn't that ridiculous? that's exactly what you sound like

'trans women experience every other symptom of a period i do, on a monthly basis like i do, lasting about a week, like mine do, but they don't experience this one specific symptom that i typically do which is bleeding therefore they're fake'

obviously the cycle of a trans women isn't going to be the same as the cycle of a cis woman, i have not once contested that nor have i equated the two, what i have done however, is defend the fact a lot of trans women do in fact experience their own form of a monthly cycle that actually presents all the symptoms of PMS (if we're going to be super picky about it) and I've stated that there is nothing wrong with a trans woman calling her own cycle a period, even if she does not experience the bleeding.

you all are just incredibly transphobic (i checked out some of the blogs replying and found them to be terfs, ew) and i don't want to cross into your territory any more than i've already ended up doing, and i will not be responding to any of your notes or anon messages anymore because i've moved on from that post and you should too, because it is obvious you will never understand what i'm trying to say and i will never understand the hatred you spew

it is telling though that terfs and transphobes came across my post which was in the 'pro trans' tag, i assume while casually browsing there for people to start fights with? very telling indeed.

i will be a doctor by the end of the year and i do not have time to argue with transphobes online over matters of trans health they know nothing about (my knowledge is far from perfect either because i am not transgender but i have listened to trans people and read about what transitions can be like because i wanted to learn and feel comfortable stating what i have). ive seen y'all constantly talk about indigestion and diarrhea which have absolutely nothing to do with the matter at hand and seen some people bring up endometriosis which also has nothing to do with the matter at hand, no one is talking about disordered periods or other health conditions, we're talking about just the regular period of a healthy person

people have asked me to provide proof i'm attending medical school which i don't think i can provide without giving out my personal information which i am not inclined to do to strangers on the internet and a lot of people didn't believe me but honestly that is not my problem

i know who i am and what i stand for and the thing i said is a true factual experience that many trans women go through as their transition continues and calling that cycle they experience a period hurts no one and only helps trans communities

of course terfs and transphobes don't care about that, which is why i urge everyone to go their separate ways. i do not want your transphobia on my posts and you don't want my activism on yours so if you're itching to comment and get pissy with me or send me anons, kindly don't because i truly couldn't care less about your opinion on matters you know nothing about and don't care to learn about either

coming from one cis woman to another, just scroll past me and any of my posts from now on and i'll do the same for you so that we may never have to interact again in any way shape or form

i'm closing my end of the discourse of the post right here with this and i stand by what i said. i believe you are wrong for invalidating the experiences of trans women and transphobic for wishing ill upon the trans community in general and i do not wish to ever associate with any of you ever again

i have said my peace

goodbye

(if any trans woman or trans person in general wishes to correct anything wrong i stated here please feel free to do so, because i am cisgender and you will of course know more about your transition and experiences than me no matter how much reading i do :)) remember you are valid and loved and pls stay safe <33)

#pro trans #positive trans #again i reiterate #PRO TRANS #THIS IS A PRO TRANS BLOG #A SAFE SPACE FOR TRANS PEOPLE #trans health #trans women are real and valid #i am not having this argument anymore #i don't like fighting and i don't care what transphobic women have to say #trans support #this cisgender women stands with the trans communities

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veldian · 3 years

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tell us more of ur think tank hcs i personally am at the edge of my seat

HELL YEAH ALRIGHT HERE WE GO. some of these might be against canon in some way but that's your fault for trusting me with this

ALSO, AS USUAL, I HAVE TO APOLOGIZE. THIS GOT VERY LONG. when i think about the tanks i go fuckin wild with it

starting with pride headcanons to get the ball rolling

all the tanks are nonbinary, but additionally, dala is a trans woman and 0 is a trans man

8 hates gender he fucking hates it. every day he wakes up and says "today i will make gender my bitch" and then he does. he says this in the game too you just don't know cuz he only speaks in static (don't factcheck this)

if you ask 8 what pronouns she uses, they will shrug and give you a "i dunno" noise. sometimes it'll make a non-committal hand movement and some unintelligible noises. good luck

god this bitch (borous) is gay! good for him! good for him.

he's also intersex! i don't remember where we got that hc but i like it and im holding onto it

okay but borous calls himself bi because yeah Men, but he also loves dala very much and doesn't want to misgender her. also as previously stated, 8's main goal is to confuse everyone about their gender so the tanks all stick with mspec labels to be on the safe side. you never know what'll happen. gender is a ticking time bomb

bi gang: klein, borous, 0

pan gang: dala, mobius

don't ask her about any of her identities she doesn't know the answer either: 8

have i gone off about polytank dynamics enough? i don't think so

8 and dala started dating first because horny bitches gravitate towards each other. they can also "pass" as a "straight couple" so hopefully no one at work will look at them and call them slurs. hopefully

klein and borous knocked things out of the park for being the first gay scientists ever

8 and dala became polyam icons and pulled 0 in. trans bitches gravitate towards each other

klein and borous did the same with mobius. bitches with facial hair gravitate towards each other

???????

idk and then all six of them started dating somehow. the end

somewhere along the way klein and 8 were like "i like you a little too much" and now they're inseparable

okay anyway. misc hcs

ive mentioned this before but when i pretend everything is in modern times, 0 is a tiktokker and he thrives on the attention and making fun of his coworkers on the internet

"watching steven universe repeatedly when i felt even slightly bad transed my gender" - doctor 8 old world blues

i just remembered i made a carrd for the tanks as if they were kinnies in their early to mid 20s

8 kinned pearl su. borous kinned werewolf cookie. 0 kinned rimmer red dwarf. mobius kinned... morbius forbidden planet. obviously. klein refused to put his kins on it. DID DALA KIN FROM DANGANRONPA

i think at one point we had a half-joking hc where klein gets nauseous if he sees blood

and then that changed to he can't see others blood, only his own

while borous can't see his own blood, but he's fine seeing other ppl's

i know borous said that gabe barked at everyone, but i think gabe trusts the other tanks because he knows borous does

borous set up a kissing booth with gabe. the crowd goes wild

when the tanks get together they usually go to klein's. he's the leader or something. also he has a fucking bar in his house.

he complains about them the whole time but you can really tell he loves having people over. why else would he deck his house out like that? he LOVES hosting stuff. house husband

if you saw my chart where i said klein would rather die than do dishes, i was so wrong. his house is pristine. its easily the cleanest

klein's love language is acts of service. he goes over to his partners' houses when they feel awful and clean stuff up for them when they can't. he also makes them food if they want it. he only complains a little, but you can tell he's mostly teasing

did you know klein has five mugs in his kitchen in-game. he's literally prepared to host his partners at any given moment.

the group have learned that letting 8 come over when their house is a mess is a Huge mistake. it goes from 8 trying to help "tidy up" to "im going to put your books and albums in alphabetical order by artist also your clothes are going to be hue-sorted"

"8 why are there only 8 books on each of my bookshelves"

"it looks better"

"it literally does not"

8 can no longer stomach going into 0's house

on the other hand, 0 hates staying in 8's house. the ticking of all their clocks is sensory hell

on 80 date nights they have to do rock-paper-scissors for which house they go to. or they go out. they love each other but their houses drive the other fucking nuts

oh speaking of their houses. yes dala said she didn't like Literal Teddy Bears but that is null and void considering she has teddies in her house

and she has 5 on her bed. five of them :)

she named all of them after her partners! its mostly cute but there is a slight bit of concern because they know what she does with them <__<

not that 8 has any place to judge. mobius found batteries under its pillow once. all 8 said was "they can vibrate." mobius regrets touching them.

i don't know what to say about dala's mannequins i don't have anything funny im just scared

WHY ARE 0 AND KLEIN THE ONLY ONES WITH BATHROOMS IT DRIVES ME INSANE 0'S BATHTUB ISNT EVEN LAYING DOWN ITS AGAINST THE WALL WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT GENERATOR IN HIS BATHROOM DO THE OTHER TANKS JUST SHIT OUTSIDE I'M SEEING RED

mobius and 0 are both into robotics, and they worked together to make muggy, so they've had date nights where they mainly tinker with electronic things.

0 gets very excited when he makes a breakthrough, and seeing that warms mobius's heart. mobius made a habit of kissing 0 on the forehead or squeezing 0 into a hug when they figure things out.

(0 remembers he likes men.) 😳

dala/klein date nights are essentially just them drinking and gossiping chatting

i asked polycule for some more, so here are ones from your local think tank kinnies

borous -

"klein and borous both like classical music in very different ways. klein mostly likes it to feel smart (see: wheatley) but he just started associating it with the others so it felt nicer And borous just likes it bc hes borous"

klein also likes jazz, but so do all the rest of them

8 has a cochlear implant

"dala likes dressing up to look pretty (see: runway) but is personally embarrassed by it (until she gets encouragement) bc she feels like the others dont support that"

"0 loves collecting and reading those stupid magazines with the birthday party products and themes that ud wanna buy from as a kid but are way too expensive"

"mobius has a secret love for puppetry and will try to bring it up sometimes whenever he can. hes made 3 separate sets of the other tanks as puppets and they freak 0 out"

"borous, in an attempt to better his faults, has started learning from dala and 8 on how to take care of plants instead of what he did before. his basement turns into a cool little green house cozy cuddle area"

"to add on: 8 gardens to cope whenever hes alone bc (projects onto ur kin) he mood drops very fast when alone"

"mobius likes dressing in cozy sweaters and fancy stuff"

0 -

"0 doesn't like anal that much" (thanks.)

dala -

"their new rap album called boyz in the tanks" (THANKS.)

and to top things off, :) here are the normal names for them all, created primarily by our borous kinnie

klein - Ernest Klein (nicknamed ernie)

mobius - Wilbert Mobius (nicknamed bert)

borous - James H. Borous (nicknamed jamie)

dala - Dala Theodore (HER NICKNAME IS TEDDY ITS GENIUS)

8 - Emmett Handley (nicknamed 8 + emmy)

0 - Robert O'Barrick (nicknamed 0/O + robbie (HIM SHARING HOUSE'S NAME IS INTENTIONAL. HE'S TRANS HE PICKED HIS NAME WHY DID HE DO THIS))

#tech.txt #old world blues

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natequarter · 3 years

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Romana i and braxiatel for the character ask!!

romana i:

favorite thing about them: she's an asshole and she has no idea what she's doing it's GREAT. like yeah romana competent blah blah blah but her naivety and arrogance often get the better of her. also she's incredibly sarcastic i love her

least favorite thing about them: bad footwear choices. also she's a condescending asshole but like. the bad footwear choices are more plot significant

favorite line: "i did come with the doctor ... ah now, don't tell me. doctors are forbidden as well." (tbh it's funnier with the full quote)

brOTP: her & brax we only had like five minutes of them together but what a fun five minutes it was

OTP: four/romana. all the other men (and women! diversity win the people trying to kill you are women) in her life attempt to kill her, manipulate her, or kill her by marrying her. so yeah somehow four is one of the most morally righteous people in her life which is impressive. also i just love their dynamic

nOTP: i doubt this would ever happen but grendel and cuthbert can both choke (cuthbert is a one-off side character in the 4das. he's a capitalist)

random headcanon: she's aroace and she stole a sword from brax's collection once. i know it says headcanon singular but i really really love talking about romana!! so i think she has adhd and also she's trans and occasionally commits petty crime

unpopular opinion: i like her way more than romana ii, i think that qualifies as unpopular. also from lies i think she wasn't quite as. strictly academic as some people think? idk i feel like she got up to a lot of shit as a kid and continued to be a menace to society for the rest of her lives

song i associate with them: i'm a clown and do not have one. maybe this or this?

favorite picture of them: literally all of them but i'll say this one

[id: a greyscale image of romana i sitting on a grey floor which fades into a black background. her legs and arms are both crossed and she wears her coat from the ribos operation. /end id]

braxiatel (going off gallifrey & my limited knowledge of bs):

favorite thing about them: he... tries to protect the people around him? in a fucked up way

least favorite thing about them: mindwiped ace :/ oh and he killed lots of people i guess

favorite line: "Oh, Romana. What are we to do with you?"

brOTP: him & romana i i live for that lies interaction

OTP: never </3

nOTP: braxmana especially with romana i like what the fuck 0_0

random headcanon: i think it would be funny if he replaced book spines with literal, actual spines

unpopular opinion: uhhh i guess that i don't ship him with anyone?

song i associate with them: uhhh still don't have a good answer for this one

favorite picture of them: this. comedy factor

(link)

#asks #romana i #braxiatel #doctor who #romana #you old romantic

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lastmtfhrtupdate · 3 years

Text

Purpose of this is to explain why I won’t be sharing my personal mtf hrt updates Anymore. Also to share my personal experience with this process publicly in as much detail as I am comfortable with.

It has gotten really complex for multiple reasons.

disclaimer: this is my personal experience. I am changing my prescription, I may eventually stop and adopt alternative methods.

First the reason I begun male-to-female hormone replacement therapy is what has been identified as dysphoria by myself and a doctor and needed to be treated medically because it has a very negative effect on my mood and would make it hard for me to do my days to say the least.

What I intended to achieve through medical HRT is what I categorized as physical, psychological and social.

Basically all I had do is shave or wear a mask and the public would be like ”hey madame” prior to medical HRT. I preferred this perception of me. To be perceived and treated like a “woman“ when meeting people for the first and only time. And because I often interact with new people every single day in person I preferred this. Once I introduce myself to you I may say “they/she, preferably they” and ask you to call me Lulu or Ayra and eventually anyone will understand that I prefer ultimately to Be treated and perceived as Lulu/Ayra and not so much a woman or a man.. I‘ve often chosen the allusion of a “woman” while in public around strangers because from experience I am approached how I expect to be approached more than if I am perceived as a man. My Hormones and chemically after test results were done by the doctor I was collaborating with, it was proven that I have significantly more estrogen in me than the average male And so this would support why the main reason I choose a to be perceived and treated as a “woman” over a “man” is overall driven by my inner emotions and feelings..

Psychologically I understand that due to my predominant natural hormone levels, I was CONSISTENTLY conflicted by thoughts and motives that i understand as male hormone driven and the thoughts and motives that were driven by female hormones. I finally felt true relief from this after beginning medical hrt. This was probably the main thing I was looking forward to and it was/is the best thing that has ever happened to me in my life. I have the ability to act without hesitation, siding with actions motivated by a balance of dominant female hormones is how I understand this. Genetically and even socially my immediate family has short tempers and as a result I’ve been conflicted with this temperament driven by male hormone dominance I believe that I’ve managed to suppress better and better but it has always been an insecurity of me and I always feel like shit when I do suppress it, I would always move to routines and coping methods that would just not let me get heated over things and nothing ever seemed to work, I always had to go out of my way and use extra energy to calm myself down and this would often isolate and demobilize me. Similarly, libido and sex drive=up there and stuck there and most people don’t mind it but I did and I actually prefer not having such a high sex drive because it distracts me from focusing and carrying out tasks I set out for myself. (Disclaimer: Ive worked to translate this energy in a way that works for me but the fact that I know I have it in me still and if I slip I’m a hoe again would haunt me 😩) So I’m very happy with the *irreversible* effects my medication has had on me with my sex drive. The high bull like testosterone temper Is reversible however. HOWEVER, the mindstate and the brain power to dominate that is forever engraved in my brain. Hard to explain but it’s one of my favorite new powers.

Physically my blemishes and weight and face has been a huge insecurity for me.

Face: I look like my dad. My relationship with my dad is poor. While over 3 weeks or so into my HRT therapy, I had to call/out my dad for literally everything he did and didn’t do for me. It made me not hate him. It made me not hate resembling him so much anymore. I mean he‘s very good looking but it’s that association that had me fucked up And tortured me all of my life. I also called my Brother who also looks exactly like our father and explained this exact thing to him and explained to him that this was part of the reason I want these hormones to do their due deals on this mug. but I don’t feel like that anymore as strongly and all thanks to my mindstate while on HRT.

Blemishes: the way I understand it is because of my hormone levels, I would often break out. Hormonal acne, it’s nothing severe and maybe nothing like you’ll find if you Google it. But I still have a mild form of this. If I stress in anyway I will break out and they often don’t last long but its always cause I know my blemishes are because I have stressed..it would give me anxiety. my mind doesn’t like to see blemishes and know like aww my body was hurting Even though I know that’s natural. Medications I am on completely erased this event from even happening but unfortunately it is still reversible and i Am still too young that it will just naturally stop. BUT I am more confident than ever that i will be more in control of my hormone levels even with lowering my medical HRT prescriptions and potentially eventually coming off of it. I will make lifestyle changes, proceed with routines I picked up during HRT and continue comfortable and especially beneficial thought processes and problem solving.

Weight/shape: GIRLLL. Like. Skinny and minnie and toned like a mfcker. Not a huge issue because I admire my body and think it looks good. I’ve accepted that my metabolism is just too genetically high for me to gain weight anytime soon. my body wants to be skin and muscle and athletic. I like to be athletic. i like my body to be strong to support me during my activities as someone who is super athletic. Hormones got right to work adding fat to my face exactly where I wanted it, to my waist, chest, thighs, ass, arms, back. My gawd. BUT it was also breaking down my muscle too much and had me like hmm.. I don’t know if I’ll appreciate this. I let my doctor know I am super athletic, I want a prescription That will be kind to me on the muscle and bones. He let me know that the medication I have access too and just the results of feminizing medications is that they break down that tense muscle and things. This gave me anxiety. There are trans people in olympics killing it but we aren’t built the same and immediately I felt the weakening effects of the medication on my body with concern to my sports and activities and this did not help my mental health. Anyone that knows me knows high activity and sports is my main shit and the mentally and physiological effects my medication had on this important part of my life really hurt me and i am hoping that altering my prescription can help this.

i know that this HRT will have lasting effects And already have had so many LITERALLY life saving effects on me because I 100% reached out to my trans auntie out of desperation to put me through this process because I was at a breaking point. I am overwhelmed with how positive this experience has been for me.

To get exactly to the point, I do not trust these doctors enough to accept a collaboration with them for longterm. I do not trust the medication I am on or the medication that is available *to me* enough to accept the medical treatment part of this long term as it is. As a disclaimer: there are so many combinations and types of medications and ways to take them. Super duper disclaimer, one of the important parts of my body that helps to detoxify the medications that I am on is genetically not that strong. This is very personal and it really forces me to appreciate like hell my access to HRT and get the most from it. As far as medical HRT, like I’ve already mentioned publicly i will proceed to find the most effective and safest alternatives for me as I need them. That I dont mind sharing but with all this as a preface because I do not want to sway anyone needing HRT to reconsider based off my own personal experiences. The beauty of hormone therapy is that it’s modular enough to meet the expectations of so many unique people cause we’re all built different and it’s no shade.

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kainumbernine009 · 3 years

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I literally cannot do anything else until I get this out.

I’m... really not okay.

And when I say that, I’m not mentally unstable. I say that because I’m tired of waiting on empty promises, I’m tired of never having money in our account, I’m tired of living in a fucking city where half of the white people fucking worship the ground Trump walks on, and where most of the gay community has so much messy drama that it’s worse than middle school. And I went to a rough middle school.

I never talk about my past, because I don’t like to. It sucked. HARD. Being and only child in my family was nothing less than torture, especially as a closeted queer person. We grew up in the white Christian part of Nashville that dominated Music Row in the 90′s and early 2000′s. I played basketball with Alan Jackson’s daughter, and being around famous people was just no big deal. But, my parents decided to leave Nashville after my dad lost his job at TPAC, and we moved down south an hour to the town where the KKK got started (Pulaski, TN).

I had maybe two non-white people in my private Christian school growing up. I was never afraid of Black people, but my parents showed their racist asses quick when we moved there. The KKK has never left America, guys, no matter how many articles you read or studies you do. From 2005 to 2009 I saw a white town show its very worst to the Black community. I’ll never forget the first time I saw a march for “White Christians for Purity” the summer before Obama got elected. The disgust I felt inside was palpable. I had all kinds of friends in school, and I didn’t give TWO SHITS who they were or what they looked like... but I saw children my age, being brainwashed by their parents, that “white” is “right.”

Ever since then, I have been learning and growing about the issues of race. I remember my white classmates using the N word and getting away with it. I remember hearing about the principal at the high school punishing all the Black kids but not the white kids. I remember being invited to a church south of town that was a historically Black church, and how nice the ladies were to me for coming.

But I’ll never forget the racism that the religious groups promoted there, especially First Baptist Church and the 12 Tribes. I’ll never forget how FBC told me that my friend was going to Hell because she killed herself. I’ll never forget my mom telling me not to marry a Black man because of “impure genes.” I WILL NEVER FORGET THE INJUSTICES I SAW WHITE PEOPLE DOING TO BLACK PEOPLE THERE. NEVER.

And thank God, I have shaken the burden of religious guilt, but I still fight against this mentality. I live in a place that’s usually not even 10 minutes away from Trump-humping, sister-fucking, meth-addicted Confederate cunts in any direction. And we’re even closer to the rich white people who silently supported him, upset that their taxes would go up because of Biden.

And in the past four years since Trump got elected, I’ve gotten married, graduated college with honors, started my own photography business, and was making more than my husband there for a minute. I did my own taxes, marketing, editing, and everything. And then I came out as trans.

I lost everything.

I lost my studio. I lost friends. I had rumors started about me. I had people post hate messages on my wall. I had people at my drag shows tell others not to tip me, for whatever fucking reasons. I’ve had bosses give cis people jobs over me, and I’ve had government workers give me second looks when I hand them my license.

It. Fucking. Sucks. To. Live. Here. Like. This.

Oh yeah, did I mention I’m also a witch/medium? I’ve talked to dead people before and have told their relatives things I shouldn’t have known otherwise about their grandparents. Like, this information doesn’t even exist on Google. And I’m attuned to reiki. I’m always aware of what’s happening on at least SOME metaphysical level. This is a gift that I’ve had to go through life developing and learning about myself, with no one’s help but me.

I didn’t even know until I was an adult that I have autism and ADHD.

I’ve taken bullets from people who were about to kill themselves. I’ve yelled at 5th grade music classrooms for doing racist dance moves and appropriating Native Americans (I have a degree in Music Education K-12). I’ve consoled kids in classrooms who suddenly have panic attacks. AND I’ve told horny teenagers to stay in their fucking lane and respect the girls around them. I’ve apparently been an inspiration to those around me, but inspiration NOR exposure pays the bills. I’ve already had COVID, and so has my husband, but I knew that after graduating college that I would never have a fulfilling life being a music teacher in Tennessee’s public schools.

And now that we have COVID, and an orange, small-dicked, pedophilic, rape apologizing, dirty, crusty white president who STILL REFUSES TO CONCEDE, who is DIRECTLY RESPONSIBLE FOR HAVING HIS FOLLOWERS SEND DEATH THREATS TO MY FAMILY, I really don’t know what the fuck else to do other than go burn down all the houses I know of in North Georgia that belong to these Christian sex cult pedophiles and call it a day. My girlfriend unfortunately was born into one of those families, and I know just how bad it can get. In fact, her dad’s lawyer threatened me with blackmail earlier in November, so that was fun!

And now, on December 11, 2020, I’m still sitting here in the same fucking house, doing the same fucking things I’ve been doing all year - trying to get a job and failing horribly. I’M SICK AND TIRED OF THIS COVID BULLSHIT AND OUR INCOMPOTENT CUNT OF A PRESIDENT! And there’s only ever one other person I’ve ever called a cunt... my own mother.

I’ve lived in many places. I’ve met many different people. I’ve made mistakes, and have grown, but there’s one thing for damn sure that I always make sure to do, every single fucking day.

I ALWAYS try to do better.

In addition to this, I treat everyone with the same amount of respect, unless they have done something directly to me to negate that. If I know that someone believes in something that directly harms me or my family, I don’t even associate with them. I don’t spend my energy on things that don’t need it. And everyone else should, too.

The problem with some of y’all is that you care about the wrong things. Like will Becky text me back or did I get front row seats to that concert, or did I slave my life away to capitalism just so that I can own a Mercedes and have my friends jealous. I’ve had way too many dear death experiences to know that EVERY single fucking day is a gift. EVERY day.

I don’t want to be remembered first for the art I create. I want to be remembered for my character. I want to be remembered as the courageous person who never backed down in the face of adversity. But when you live in a place that already hates you and that is against you, that’s really fucking hard. Trust me. My marriage went from a cis straight passing couple to a white gay passing couple. I’ve seen how people’s attitudes changed around me as I transitioned. I know what it feels like to slowly lose a piece of your privilege you were born with.

So yeah, I kinda get a little fucking upset when I see people saying All Lives Matter, or when I see doctors refusing to treat trans patients in pandemics, or when I see cops YET AGAIN harassing Black people only a few blocks away from my house for no other reason than racism. And at this point, anyone who thinks they know me but only knows what people think they know about me can suck my entire ass and eat ten dicks. I don’t give a FUCK about who you are or what you’ve done. If you treat me or other people with no respect for no reason other than to be an asshole, you’re just plain shit. If you SERIOUSLY believe every little rumor and lie that someone tells about me before meeting me, fuck you AND the horse you rode in on.

What I can’t stand is people doing or saying things just to get a rise out of me or others. I thought we left petty shit in high school. Some of the people that “know” me really need to fucking grow up and grow a pair and either say what they want to my face, or stay mad. I’m tired of playing fucking petty games with y’all. We have a whole ass pandemic to solve.

So here’s the ultimatum... if you agree that Black Lives Matter and that queer people deserve basic human rights, EVEN THE ONES YOU HATE, then that’s the bare minimum to even be a decent person. If you can’t even do those things, then I don’t fucking know what else to say to you.

So NBC, maybe not have John Mulaney joke about my license debacle with my gold van on SNL, and Seth Meyers... maybe HIRE ME INSTEAD of Mulaney because clearly y’all don’t know about the south as much as I do? Oh, and that gazeebo joke with Lee University... I caught that. I may have autism, but I’m not a fucking idiot. I mean. I’m funny when I’m given the chance. And yeah, I’m on a watchlist, but who the fuck isn’t these days? At least all my secrets are out for the world to see, and I have a bangin’ tattoo.

I’m tired of everyone being like “omg, I’ve seen what he can do, it’s fantastic!” or “omg you’re so funny haha” and bragging on me and then NOT FUCKING HIRING ME. I’m TIRED of waiting on something that’s clearly at this point never coming.

I don’t even have testicles, and my balls are bigger than most of the cis men I have EVER met.

So, if you want to help me, or hire me, or get me out to an audition... I’ll be there. But until then, I’m so fucking MAD at some of these producers. Yeah, my mom is a cunt, but she worked in various forms of digital production from the 1980′s until she retired this year. She taught me SO MUCH about directing, writing, shooting, and more. I know how these things are supposed to run behind the scenes. I know what the fuck I’m doing, and I don’t take constructive criticism like a bitch. I actually WANT to be criticized, so I can do even better.

So PLEASE, for the love of Christ... y’all need to get your priorities together AND PLEASE STOP LEAVING ME OUT OF THE LOOP WITH THIS BULLSHIT. Grow a fucking pair and either call me, email me, or leave me alone. It’s really not that fucking hard. Looking at you, Lorne Michaels.

Oh and someone tell my husband what the fuck’s been going on because I’m tired of him gaslighting me about it.

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cruelangelstheses · 4 years

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the path to girlhood

fandom: love live! rating: T characters: rin hoshizora, hanayo koizumi words: 3.9k additional tags: character study, au, trans girl rin, bullying, internalized transphobia, high school description: rin struggles to accept herself at her new school when she discovers a love for dancing. a/n: hello hello!! i wrote this a little over a month ago and decided to finally polish it and post it! this au is pretty similar to canon except that they’re just regular high school girls and not idols. i promise it’s not as angsty as the tags make it seem!! i will never write write a fic in which rin hoshizora is cis. happy pride to my fellow Transes of Gender <3 title comes from kururin miracle aka rin’s Trans Song. i love her so much. that's my fuckign daughter

read it on ao3

—

On the first day of high school, Rin Hoshizora goes to school in a skirt.

She hasn’t worn one out in public since she was a child, having resigned herself to hiding inside hoodies and sweatpants. As she wanders the unfamiliar hallways, Rin tries not to be conscious of the way some of her peers sneak curious glances at her from behind notebooks or open locker doors. If nothing else, she hopes the button on her backpack—a striped flag of pink, white, and blue—will be enough to clue them in, if any of them even know what it symbolizes.

Last month, Rin’s parents successfully enrolled her into the local but relatively well-regarded Otonokizaka Academy for Girls, mainly thanks to “proof” from her doctor that she has, in fact, started taking hormones and that she is, in fact, a Real Trans Girl, whatever that means. It’s an old, impressive school with plenty of extracurriculars and classes to choose from, and her best friend, Hanayo, goes there, too. Most importantly, though, it’s a chance to reinvent herself, to meet new people who don’t know her dead name—to make a statement, simply by wearing the Otonokizaka uniform and sitting in an Otonokizaka classroom, that says, I am a girl just as you are.

So far, it doesn’t feel quite as empowering as she thought it would.

Instead, she feels like a newborn baby, cut from the umbilical cord of the closet, naked and confused as she’s thrust into a strange new world. There’s no turning back now, no chance to abort the mission. All she can do is step forward into the light, with all the beauty and danger that it brings.

—

When Rin steps into her homeroom class, a soft, familiar voice calls out, “Rin-chan!”

Hanayo jumps up out of her chair and scurries over, her red glasses bouncing on her face. Rin grins and wraps her arms around her, squeezing her tightly, and for just a moment, she forgets about the rest of the world. There’s nothing outside this classroom, nothing outside her best friend’s warm embrace.

Rin opens her mouth to say something, anything—a how have you been or a help me please I don’t know if I can do this—but she doesn’t get the chance, because then the bell rings, and the homeroom teacher strides into the room. In a flurry, the students rush to their desks. Hanayo has saved a seat for Rin in the back, right next to her, and Rin sighs in relief as she slides into the chair.

While the teacher introduces herself, Rin scans the room, searching for any sign of a reaction from her classmates. Most of them are facing forward, listening or at least pretending to listen to the teacher. One girl sitting a few seats away pokes her friend on the shoulder and gestures to Rin. “Wow,” she mutters, just loud enough that it’s clear she wants Rin to hear it. “They’ll let anyone in this school, huh?”

Rin’s face heats up, and she quickly looks away, down at her empty notebook. In an attempt to seem nonchalant, she pulls a pen out of her pencil case and starts doodling a cat to distract herself. She likes her short hair—it’s cute and easy to manage, and it doesn’t get in her face when she’s playing sports—but suddenly she wishes it were longer so she could hide behind it. That probably wouldn’t work too well, though—before long, she’s sure her peers will be able to recognize her just by her decidedly unfeminine frame.

“Psst,” Hanayo whispers, and Rin turns her head to look at her. Hanayo props up her notebook horizontally. On an otherwise clean page, she’s written in pretty, curly handwriting, I believe in you! with little hearts all around it.

Rin flashes her a tiny smile and mouths a thank-you, but she still can’t shake the feeling that everything about her is wrong. Her knees are too knobby, her handwriting isn’t neat enough, her voice is too loud. She feels like a randomized Sim, like someone just threw together a collection of traits and lumped them all into a person. She’d like to give the spirits a “You Tried” sticker.

—

Rin likes talking to people. She likes jumping in on a conversation about athletics or music or pets and talking about her favorite type of cat (orange tabbies, obviously) or her favorite sports (how could she choose just one?). She likes introducing herself to those who look shy or lonely—in fact, it’s how she met Hanayo. Today, though, she finds herself infuriatingly tongue-tied, stumbling over her words in a way she never has before. Though she attempts, as always, to appear friendly, most of the girls she talks to seem to be at least somewhat uncomfortable with or uninterested in her presence, as if they’re just waiting for her to go away. The last thing Rin wants is to make someone unhappy or upset, so once she senses that she isn’t quite welcome in a particular group or conversation, she politely withdraws from it.

When Rin walks into the bathroom, all the girls that were hanging out and doing their makeup immediately grab their things and leave.

Rin overhears a few more rude comments throughout the day, but no one is overly confrontational. She finds herself pondering over girls and the way they show aggression—how girls who speak disparagingly about others behind their backs are referred to as “catty,” while physical fights between girls are often called “catfights.” Either way, aggressive or passive-aggressive, dealing in physical damage or emotional, girls are consistently compared to cats. It’s unfair to cats, Rin thinks, to associate them only with animosity and violence. Cats can be sweet and loving, too. Cats wouldn’t hate her just for wearing skirts or referring to herself as a “she.”

“Rin-chan,” Hanayo says later that day when they walk home from school together, “are you going to join any clubs or activities? They’ve got a lot of sports.”

“I might do soccer,” Rin replies, “and maybe basketball in the winter. But I’ll have to try it out first to see if I like it.”

Hanayo raises an eyebrow but says nothing. Rin loves soccer; they both know she loves soccer. What Rin’s really saying is, I’ll have to see if I’m treated in a way that deters me from playing.

“Well, if you don’t like it,” Hanayo says delicately, “you could do other sports that aren’t team-oriented. There’s track and cross-country. And there’s dance.”

“Dance?” Rin repeats. “What makes you think I’d be any good at that?”

“Well, you’re so coordinated, and you have really good stamina,” Hanayo says, twirling a strand of light brown hair. “And you like music. It looks like it’d be really fun.”

“You should do it, then,” Rin says, not unkindly.

Hanayo chuckles sheepishly. “I’d like to, but I’ve been too nervous to go by myself. Maybe you could come with me? Just to the first couple of meetings.”

Rin frowns. It’s not that she dislikes the idea of dancing, necessarily; she’s just never considered it. Dancing is for pretty girls with limbs as pliable as putty and skin softer than rose petals, not a scrappy little transgender tomboy with scraped-up knees and a finger that didn’t heal properly because she took it out of the splint before she was supposed to. Dancing is for girls who would never be mistaken for boys.

“The people there seem really nice,” Hanayo adds. “And I’ll be with you, remember?”

After a few moments, Rin finds herself nodding slowly. “Okay,” she says, trying to picture herself dancing to pop music or classical arrangements. It doesn’t quite feel right. “But if it falls on the same day as soccer, I’m choosing soccer.”

—

At the first soccer practice, they have a scrimmage against one another. It’s a perfect chance for Rin to show her teammates what she can do, to earn their trust and start to build camaraderie just like when she played on boys’ teams. Within the first few minutes of the mock game, however, it becomes abundantly clear that most of the girls have no interest in establishing a rapport with her. Some shift uncomfortably whenever she’s near. Others, especially those on defense, play particularly aggressively with her, pressing so close to her that they almost touch, nearly shoving her out of the way, or “accidentally” kicking at her heels when attempting to steal the ball from her. Nearly all of them seem to refuse to pass her the ball, even when she’s wide open, and even though she’s one of the fastest and most experienced members, so that the only times she ever actually manages to get it are when she steals it from the other side. The coach claps whenever Rin scores a goal, but hardly anyone else does, and it only seems to be out of politeness.

At the end of the practice, Rin is about ready to fall over in exhaustion, but not in a good way. She doesn’t think she’s ever had to work so hard in her life to try to make people like her, or at least play nice with her.

Hanayo texts her that evening. How’d it go?

Not great :-( I think I’ll come with you tomorrow to the dance club, Rin responds.

Hanayo’s reply comes a few seconds later. Oh no I’m so sorry!! Tomorrow will be better I promise!!

Rin sighs and flops down on her bed. “I sure hope so,” she mumbles to no one as she stares blankly across the room. A dress she bought online hangs on her closet door, unworn.

—

The room used for the dance club is similar to a gymnasium, except that it’s smaller and has walls made entirely of mirrors. When Rin steps out onto the hardwood floor and sees a few other girls chatting in the center of the room with a dance instructor, her chest tightens.

Beside her, Hanayo takes a deep breath. “I’m nervous, too,” she says, taking Rin’s hand in her own. “But we’re here together.”

They amble up to the small group, and the dance instructor turns to them with a smile. “Oh! It’s so good to see some new faces,” she says. “You can call me Miyazaki-sensei.”

“Hi,” Rin and Hanayo say in unison. They both giggle nervously.

“Hey, there’s no need to be nervous!” says a spunky girl with a side ponytail. “Anyone can learn to dance. I’m living proof! Plus it’d make great material for the talent show!”

Rin and Hanayo exchange glances. “Talent show?” Rin says.

“Yeah!” the girl says. “Every year right before summer break, the school holds a talent show. Anyone can enter! It’s really fun! Last year Kotori-chan, Umi-chan, and I performed as a trio,” she gestures to the other two girls in the room, “and we’re hoping to do it again this year! Sign-ups should be—uhhh, Umi-chan, when are the sign-ups again?”

One of the girls, Umi, sighs in exasperation, but there’s a hint of a smile on her face. “Two Mondays from now. So not this coming Monday, but the one after that.”

“Great!” says the ponytail girl. Turning back to Rin and Hanayo, she adds, “Are you two friends? You should perform as a duo! It would be so cute! I bet I could find the perfect song for you guys—”

Miyazaki holds up a hand. “Why don’t we see if they actually enjoy it first, hm?” she says, amused.

First, they go around and introduce themselves. Miyazaki and the other girls seem nice enough; in fact, Rin thinks she saw Honoka, the ponytail girl, smile and wave at her as she walked into Otonokizaka on the first day of class. She appears to just love and accept everyone; her sincerity is almost childish, but charming nonetheless.

Then they get into the dancing. The three other girls, all second years, seem to know what they’re doing when it comes to planning their performance, so Miyazaki spends most of her time teaching Rin and Hanayo some simple moves to a handful of familiar pop songs.

Slowly, Rin can’t help but unfold. The satisfaction that blooms in her chest whenever she gets a move right, when she shifts her body perfectly to the rhythm of the music, is such a pleasant shock to her system that she feels herself letting her guard down, opening up. She and Hanayo laugh whenever they screw up a step, and no matter how many times they fail, Miyazaki’s patience and attentiveness never waver. When Rin glances over at the other girls, she finds them completely absorbed in their practice; only occasionally does she notice any of them looking her way, and when they do, it’s not with the piercing eyes of judgment, but the joy of sharing in something they love. In this room, Rin doesn’t have to worry about how others see her. She can just be.

—

Hanayo and Rin attend every dance rehearsal together. It’s a small, close-knit group, and even though they aren’t all working together on the same exact thing, Rin can feel that sense of camaraderie that she’s been missing. They’re all constantly looking to improve, to try new things, to create something lively and beautiful. The world is their canvas, their bodies the brushes, the music the paint. For Rin, dancing becomes an unexpected refuge. In the dance room, no one throws crumpled-up papers at her head or tries to trip her down the stairs; no one whispers ugly words in her ear as she walks by.

After hours of deliberation on both their parts, and a lot of convincing (read: begging) on Honoka’s part, Rin and Hanayo decide to take her suggestion and sign up for the talent show as a dancing duo. Honoka apparently spends an inordinate amount of time picking out the perfect song for them, an upbeat tune from an upcoming idol about accepting oneself. “Trust me,” she says, “the audience will love it. Idols are all the rage these days.”

Rin suspects that Honoka picked it out on purpose for its lyrics, but for what it’s worth, it is a catchy song, the kind of song that makes Rin want to jump up and dance whenever she hears it. Luckily for her, that’s exactly what she’s going to do.

Miyazaki helps them come up with the choreography, and they spend the next few months working avidly to perfect it. Even on weekends, they often meet up at one of their houses and practice for hours. Only if they feel that they did the best they possibly could will either of them feel comfortable enough to get up onstage and let hundreds of potentially unforgiving eyes gaze upon them.

Every once in a while, a particularly nasty comment or incident will give Rin pause, and she’ll feel an almost overwhelming urge to beg Hanayo to let them drop out of the talent show. She wouldn’t do that, though; she’d never want to force her best friend to turn her back on an opportunity just for her. Besides, she’ll be okay as long as Hanayo is there with her.

—

The day before the talent show, Hanayo isn’t in school.

During lunch, Rin calls her in a panic in one of the bathroom stalls. “What’s going on?” she hisses. “Our final rehearsal is tonight! Where are you?”

“I have pneumonia,” Hanayo replies.

Rin feels like the floor is falling out from underneath her. Words crowd in her mouth, but all that comes out is, “In summer?”

Hanayo chuckles halfheartedly. “Yeah. I think I got it from my grandfather. You know his immune system isn’t the best. I don’t think I’ll be able to—” She breaks off into a fit of coughing. “I can’t come tonight. I don’t think I’ll be able to perform tomorrow. I went to the doctor yesterday after school, and he says I need to rest until the antibiotics start working.”

Rin recalls the past few days, how Hanayo had been coughing for a little while and seemed more out of breath than usual. She’d hoped it was just a cold, that it would go away in no time. Now Hanayo is sick in bed, her lungs filled with fluid, and they’re scheduled to perform tomorrow.

“Kayo-chin, I—I can’t do it on my own,” she says, her heart starting to race at the thought of standing alone on that stage.

“Sure you can,” Hanayo says. “Just…finish the school day and then go to rehearsal. I’m sure Miyazaki-sensei can help you out.” Then she hangs up before Rin has the chance to argue.

The rest of her classes are a blur. Her mind spins with worst-case scenarios, and her hands shake too much for her to even try to doodle. She speaks to no one, afraid that if she opens her mouth, nothing coherent will come out.

As soon as the dismissal bell rings, Rin snatches her things and races down the hall to the dance room. Her hands are so full that she kicks the door open with her foot.

Miyazaki flashes a smile at her, but it quickly dissipates once she sees the look on her face. “What’s wrong?”

Rin drops her things on the floor against the wall. “Kayo-chin’s sick,” she says breathlessly. “Pneumonia. She can’t perform tomorrow. We have to drop out. I can’t do it without her; we have to drop out—”

Miyazaki holds up both her hands. “Whoa, whoa, slow down. Deep breaths, okay? We’ll figure it out.”

Rin nods reluctantly and tries to steady her breathing. She hears the door open and close behind her, and then Honoka says, “Where’s Hanayo-chan?”

“She’s sick,” Miyazaki says calmly. “Rin’s probably going to have to perform by herself tomorrow.”

“Oh dear,” Kotori says. “I hope she gets better soon.”

“Rin-chan can do it, though!” Honoka says. “We’ve all seen her in action. She’ll do great!”

Rin shakes her head. “I don’t know.”

“It shouldn’t be too difficult,” Umi adds matter-of-factly. “You two were basically doing the same moves, right? It’s not like you were ballroom dancing. You won’t have to change much of the choreography to turn it into a solo act. And we can help you.”

Rin shakes her head again, faster. “It’s not that. I’m not worried about how I’ll do. I’m worried about how it’ll look. I’m not one of those pretty girls everyone loves. I’m different. And everyone’s eyes will be on me and no one else. I’ll be the center of attention…and I just don’t know if I can deal with how they’ll react to that. It suits me to be a partner or a member of a group, so I can blend in more, so someone else can shine. I can’t be the girl who shines. Not like this.”

“Of course you can!” Honoka blurts. “People are afraid of what they don’t understand. But you’re a girl just like the rest of us. Now’s your chance to show everyone. You’re at the Otonokizaka Academy for Girls, aren’t you?”

“But I tried to show everyone,” Rin says, her shoulders slumping. “That’s what I thought going to this school would do. But people still treat me like I’m just too different for them. Like I’m a failed girl, like I’m the wrong kind of girl.”

It’s Miyazaki who speaks up next.

“Then that’s their problem,” she says, “not yours. There’s no such thing as a ‘wrong kind of girl.’ There are girls with short hair and girls who love sports and girls who like to work on cars and girls who wear tuxedos and girls who like to build things—and girls who were mistakenly raised as boys. And the sooner you come to terms with that, the sooner you can be free of what others think of you. People are going to judge you no matter what you do. So if dancing brings you joy, and you want to share that joy with other people, then I want you to dance your heart out on that stage tomorrow.”

For a moment, all is silent. Then Rin chuckles sheepishly. She’s right. Of course she’s right.

“Okay,” she says finally. “Who wants to help me touch up this choreography?”

—

It’s the day before summer break, and the air buzzes with excitement. Even from backstage, Rin can feel her classmates’ gazes from out in the auditorium. Her heart feels like it’s going to claw its way out of her chest and make a run for it, and part of her wants to follow suit. Deep down, though, she knows she’s ready. She’s worked as hard as she possibly could. She’s going to stay, and she’s going to perform like her life depends on it. She has to, for Hanayo.

Rin adjusts her earrings and checks her makeup one final time in the backstage mirror before Miyazaki pops her head in. “Honoka, Kotori, and Umi are almost done,” she says. “You’re up.”

Rin smooths out her dress, a cute pastel pink, the very same one she bought online over the winter. It’s her first time wearing it in public, and it fits her like the final piece of a jigsaw puzzle. She takes a deep breath and glances down at her phone, which glows brightly with a new text message from Hanayo. I believe in you!! it reads, followed by a bunch of heart emojis.

Rin smiles, then fixes the pink barrette in her hair and heads out to the curtain area.

Honoka, Kotori, and Umi are walking offstage when Rin arrives. “You’ll do great!” Honoka whispers to her as she walks by, giving her a brief, sweaty hug. Kotori claps enthusiastically, and Umi puts a reassuring hand on her shoulder.

“Up next,” the principal says from the sound box, “we have Rin Hoshizora!”

The crowd claps politely. Rin tries her best not to look at any of them as she ambles onto the stage; her focus is only on the music and her body.

When she hears the opening of the song, all the fear and self-consciousness that’s been building up in her seems to fade away, replaced by instinct and muscle memory. She knows how to do this. She’s been doing it multiple days a week for months now.

For most of the first verse, the crowd is silent, as if they aren’t quite sure what to make of her. Then, when she bounces across the stage as the song shifts into the chorus, a few people whoop and cheer, and that’s all Rin needs to keep herself moving, to let the melody carry her home. She’s never felt more beautiful, more purely and authentically her. There’s so much she often hates about her body, but right now, she’s thankful for everything that makes her up, from her long limbs to her rectangular frame. Dancing, she’s discovered, isn’t just for conventionally attractive cis girls. It’s for anyone, as long as they have the passion and the resolve.

Honoka was right about the song choice—by the end, some people are clapping and dancing along, even singing the parts that they know. When Rin finishes the song with a smile, a wink, and a pose, the crowd responds in raucous applause. More than a few people in the audience seem shocked, and several others are smirking, shaking their heads, or mumbling to each other.

And yet, Rin finds it doesn’t particularly bother her. She’s realized something about this sudden turnaround: their acceptance of her is conditional, but her happiness is not. If being herself makes others uncomfortable…well, that’s their problem, not hers.

#love live!#rin hoshizora #hanayo koizumi #love live school idol project #love live school idol festival #trans girl rin #llsif #llsip #love live! fanfic #my fics

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osseusiocus · 5 years

Text

Health stuff before I forget again

Note: Please don’t worry bout this stuff! A lot of it is just how things are, and I’ve learned to live with a lot of it! I’m doing a lot better than I was, and will be looking for a better doctor this summer so I can start hormone treatment that will overall help me. That being said! If you don’t like reading depressing stuff or don’t wanna know stuff that might make ya worry bout me big time feel free to skip over this! Won’t be offended or hold it against ya. 👌

I’ve highkey procrastinated this post for way to long-- oof, thought that’s mainly just cause I’ve been busy af and haven’t remembered/had the energy to write it out-- anyhow here we go--

So, here’s the deal. Genetically, I pulled the short end of the stick on a lot of things. Some worse than others, but I’ll be talking about the two main things here-- since they effect me, and I do mention them from time to time-- simply because they are a big factor in my life. My life doesn’t revolve around these things, but I have had to shape it so that I can manage them and stay alive. Here’s the first and foremost thing-- I’m allergic to a lot of things. I’m not saying that like “Oh, I can’t be around (insert allergen here) or I’ll get a stuffy nose.” I’m saying that like “I can’t be outside for more than a few minutes without getting horribly ill to the point of passing out and having breathing problems.” I’m a bubble boi, to put it simply. When I am outside for those short few minutes, I have to wear a respirator. Ya know, like people use while painting. It looks like this--

God I miss that hair color. Anyhow, I’m allergic to pretty much all pollen-- and severely so. Although that isn’t my only severe allergy. Dogs almost killed me twice, and countless times if you count close calls to exposure. I do have a phobia of them now, but its not a trigger I list because photographs and videos aren’t the problem. Its mainly seeing dogs in person or in public that elicits an instant fight or flight. I also have an allergy with the same severity to horses, but your less likely to run into horses in public places or get one as a pet-- so I haven’t had a run-in with them (We found out the dog one when my mother wanted to get me a puppy-- and fun fact-- Hypoallergenic dogs are a myth, since those are the ones that nearly did me in loL). Ok. So scary shit. Lol I wish I was done, but I’m not unfortunately. Last year, I was told that I could have died at any point due to a stroke. I was blacking out, had heart palpitations, and was in severe pain. Why? Well, I have a hormone condition. Its called PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome) for anyone that wants to look it up. Its common, affecting around 10% of women. Ladies! If you have infrequent cycles PLEASE go to the doctor! It affects people in a range of ways, and each case is different. Some can be life threatening, if left unchecked. Seems I have shit luck, since it is really bad in me. Not to mention, it went untreated for a few years due to the fact A) I didn’t know about it, and was to ill to even pay attention to myself to see the signs-- and B) My family is religious, and did not agree with the method of treatment. I started treatment my senior year of highschool. I was doing better, but still very ill. Although I was used to being ill. I have been ill my entire life, and have just grown accustomed to it. So then, why did I barely miss death last year? Well, it was my doctor’s fault. PCOS is a common condition that has a pretty easy treatment. Although some of the medications, if not monitored, can lead to exceptionally high blood pressure. I go to the doctor regularly, because I’m a bit of a medical anomaly with the allergy thing, and should keep in constant contact with a medical professional. She saw my blood pressure starting to go wild, and didn’t say anything. Then when I was on the brink of kicking the bucket, she finally told me “Oh, you could have died at any point in the past year from a stroke. Your blood pressure would be normal if you were 80 years old. You know those 70lb school bags you carry around? Yeah, you should stop, or your going to have a heart attack.” Course I was like-- biTCH whAT

I was taken off of all my regulator medication, and several of the drugs I use to keep my immune system from freaking the fuck out. All because if I didn’t, I would have died otherwise. I was severly ill, unable to move much most days, for 3 months-- before she’s like “Okay, I’ll actually treat you and put you on more drugs to keep you from dying.” I found out from OTHER doctors that she could have done that 2 weeks after taking me off the meds. I was monitored for another year, (this year) to make sure I didn’t die, and the medicine was doing its job. Needless to say, I’m finding another fucking doctor. Anyhow, this summer I’ll be looking into hormone treatment not only because I’m Trans, (also I don’t think I ever mentioned this who o p S ) but also because it’ll help my health overall. Some medications I won’t have to take anymore while on hormone treatment, and I’ll be able to exercise without it literally doing nothing (part of the hormone condition). So yeah. I’m stable now, and doing a lot better-- so again this isn’t something to worry about! Its just a big thing I mention from time to time and I know peeps are likely curious about it. I don’t mind talking about it either, since its better to spread awareness for things like this-- than keep it to yourself and possible someone else not realize their own condition or things associated with it as well.

SO Moral of the story--

Go to the fucking doctor, and also don’t trust your doctor loL

#health #tw: health #tw: death mention #tw: near death experience #;outoforder #;( eyyyyy I finally did it lol )#;( pcos is something doctors also shrug off alot to )#;( its like boi )#;( you can't just take the meds and expect it to be done )#;( this shit vARIES )

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askovertherainbowblog · 5 years

Photo

*NOTE: This is a 100% trans inclusive blog. The above chart reads “LGB” because its focus is on orientation.

Hello munchkins. Let’s get on the same page.

No single phrase, not even “diarrhea in the pool,” raises collective eyebrows faster than No, I’m not confused, I’m not experimenting; I’m bisexual.

Western culture has a passionate relationship with binaries. Good and Evil. Progressive and Conservative. Gay and Straight. A cultural shift towards acceptance of either end of The Binary™ has burgeoned since the late aughts. Feminism, same-sex marriage, socialist memes… all have gone mainstream. You can be anything as long as you stay in your lane. But so help you if you refuse to occupy a single role. Bisexual? You want twice the sexual options as everyone else? Don’t be so greedy!

I’m uniquely familiar with binaries, being bisexual, bipolar, and bilingual. (I’ve tried training myself to be ambidextrous to round it out, but my left hand is shit at printing.) I’m used to jettisoning myself between opposites, passing through many stages along the way. This is why I know binaries are crap.

If you’re “woke,” you’ve probably discussed the difference between binaries and spectrums. Maybe over a few beers. You’ll hear over and over again that sexuality, like many other things (notably mental health) is really a spectrum comprising a wide range of nuanced identities. I can attest that there are days when I feel “gayer” than others. The way my attraction to either gender manifests isn’t always the same, either.

Something about the spectrum theory hasn’t translated to the mainstream yet. Bohemian Rhapsody could barely bring itself to dedicate three minutes to the complexity of Freddie Mercury’s sexuality. Top 40 pop ballads by Rita Ora and Katy Perry mention being “open-minded” and wanting to try “just one taste” of the forbidden fruit—hope my boyfriend don’t mind it! And yet the bi population, per a range of studies, seems to outnumber the rest of the LGBTQIA+ acronym. (Although personally I like to think there are way more lesbians out there than the above chart lets on; we need More Lesbians In All Facets Of Life.) So, why is Bisexual such a dirty word?

Well, for one thing, people like to make sense of the world through labels. Labels can be good! The disenfranchised, the lonely, the marginalized, all can find a sense of belonging in attaching a label to their identities, and by extension finding a community of like minds. But labels and nuance are at odds with one another, and identity is all about nuance.

I’ve reflected at length on labels because of my mental hiccups (I refuse to call myself “neurodivergent” because it sounds like a cult in a teen dystopian romance novel). Disparate iterations of Toto vie for centre stage in my psyche, and they’re what I’d call complicated. Bipolar Toto has two featured characters: when I’m manic I’m armed to the teeth with motivation, energetic, a chronic insomniac, sociable, reckless, overconfident, optimistic, and for some reason desperate to sing karaoke (I hate karaoke); when I’m depressive I’m lethargic, judgmental, defeatist, insensitive, always tired, and prone to wearing my hair straight (I look better with curls).

But on the few occasions I’ve chosen to confide in friends about my mental troubles, I’ve gotten some pretty disconcerting demonstrations of support. A sample conversation:

TOTO – I’m not sure how to talk about this, but you might have noticed some odd behavior on my part lately. I’ve been prescribed Lexapro because my doctor thinks I might be bipolar. It’s a bit difficult adjusting to a new medication.

FRIEND – Wow, I think I might be bipolar too!

TOTO – Really? Thanks for sharing! When were you diagnosed?

FRIEND – I’ve never seen a doctor about it. I just know I’m often moody.

TOTO – That’s not really what being bipolar is about. But if you’re concerned you should know there’s no shame in seeking help. I’ll be happy to go to the clinic with you for support.

FRIEND – No, no, I don’t need that. You don’t understand. No one does. I’ll be happy one minute and sad the next.

Ad nauseam…

Look, everyone’s mental health journey is their own. Far be it for me to revoke self-diagnoses. My story simply goes to illustrate the oversimplification of traits associated with the “bipolar” label. In the popular imagination, bipolar begins and ends with rapid-fire mood swings.

So it could be posited that people feel alienated by bisexuality because, similarly to the above, its attendant traits are too diverse to slap on a label. So many body types to feel attracted to! Which is your favorite, dammit?

The label conundrum is one theory. I’ve heard it discussed over beers many times. But it’s not my favorite theory. Here’s what I really think: biphobia stems from jealousy; a fear that we have more sexual options, so we’re having more fun. We’re greedy and oversexed and too uninhibited.

And it’s all true. I’m not supposed to admit it, but I have to unburden myself. Hereafter follow the confessions of a bisexual with too many options:

Pursuing men as a woman is confusing. It starts out all ego. Is he looking at me? Is he interested? What will he think of me if I reciprocate his interest too soon, or too late? Then you have to play it cool for a while. I’ll say something just suggestive enough, then back off. Let’s not speak for a few days. You do the heavy lifting. Once you start dating, it’s a minefield. You’re a kind, hard-working, down-to-earth guy. You lectured me about feminism and you jump at any chance to call the Kardashians whores for some reason. But I’m tired and your biceps make me smile.

Honestly? It’s exhausting.

Pursuing women as a woman is... extremely confusing. It starts out very subtle (because nobody knows how to make a damn move on each other). I wonder what that look meant. Am I imagining this tension? Then things abruptly turn sickeningly sweet and attentive. Wow, I love your bracelet! How is your entire family doing? I wish we were scissoring but we’re dissecting in excruciating detail a text your ex sent you three months ago. Then, even if you’re dating, you’ll never really be entirely sure where you stand. Why are we holding hands? You said you didn’t want to risk our friendship, that you’re not into women. Why are we making out? Are you just being nice? Are we fucking as disinterested friends?

Honestly? It’s a nightmare.

Have you ever felt that anxious cold sweat creeping up your spine when interacting with someone you like? Now double it.

An alternate suggestion to experiencing attraction: Gay or straight, don’t lust after anybody. Go home and Skype with your mom, who misses you. Vent your erotic energy by writing explicit Star Trek fanfiction, then take a satisfied nap. Join a commune and enter into an asexual life partnership with a revolving door of nuns and vagabonds. They don’t even know who the Kardashians are.

More options ultimately mean more opportunities to make an asshole of yourself in front of the person you like; nothing more, nothing less. Savvy kids have been referring to this as the “disaster bi” phenomenon for a while now, if I’m correctly remembering my alignment charts. In other words, as far as I’m concerned, you can slap a label on me: under the title “Bisexual,” the sub-heading will read “Awkward as hell—gender irrelevant.”

Send help.

xoxo Toto

#toto #bisexuality #queer identity #awkwardness #and a pie chart

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broken-clover · 5 years

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roy and zappa for the ask meme uwu

Niiiiice

Roy

Favorite thing about them: Just…baby man. Like, I know Blazblue already has a higher twink concentration, but Roy is just legitimately a soft man. He’s eager and he’s curious and he thinks. Aside from the whole ‘boundary corruption’ stuff he really just seems like an awkward sweetie who wants to learn and understand the world around him.

Least favorite thing about them: Understand that I haven’t seen everything, but the further I go in the story the more they seem to want to categorize him as an asshole. Especially in collisions, which did the double-duty of ruining my favorite CT ending and retconned it.

Favorite line: *Incredibly catty Roy voice* “If I want your opinion I’ll ask for it, Roy. Notice how I didn’t? Now piss off.”

Also you can call me a lame dub fan all you want, but Spike Spencer did a fantastic job in his CT story ending, part of the reason I like it so much. He really sold the image of a man losing his mind without showing us anything visually.

BrOTP: Him and Tager, natch.

OTP: *mashes the Litchi button until it breaks*

Also don’t kill me but Roy/Tager and Roy/Bang are excellent too

NOTP: If Hazama/Terumi goes within 50 yards of him I’ll snipe the smarmy fuck. Also I guess any child characters but that’s kinda a given.

Random headcanon: Aside from trans Roy he also can eat a remarkable amount of food despite being very small. Nobody knows where he keeps it. It’s a mystery.

Unpopular opinion: Roy deserved better

Song i associate with them: Melon’s already got Roylitchi and The Scientist wired together into my head. It’d be a bit cheaty to include something I associate with Arakune, but I’m gonna do it anyway. Vocaloid’s Gaichuu (Parasite) Utsu-P. I like the decay/parasitism motif.

Favorite picture of them: A bit of Arakune again, but ughhh there’s so much cute stuff. I love this for baby Arakune, this one for creepiness, and IMHO this is the best Roy ever uwu.

Zappa

Favorite thing about them: He is pretty much the closest thing this series has to a straight-man. He has no idea what the fuck is going on and he wants none of it. There’s no ‘call to action’ or anything, he just wants to get his problem dealt with. He also is awkward as fuck when it comes to talking to women (Dust Strikers was worth it just for that) and honestly, mood. One of the few fighting game characters I can legitimately relate to.

Least favorite thing about them: As much as I like the upgrade in Revelator, he basically was an exposition dump and didn’t have much of a personality. There just wasn’t enough similarity to his original character to make it feel like the same person at all.

Alternatively, nobody can give this guy some fucking pants that actually fit him.

Favorite line: I can’t pick?? I like how he always speaks to people very politely when he approaches them despite being in danger of dying the whole time and his tone across the story mode going from panic to ‘I’m gonna fuckin die. This sucks.’ Also anytime S-ko interrupts and just starts screaming and cursing at people with no provocation.

BrOTP: Honestly, anyone. The boy needs some friends. I like the interactions with him and Axl, he had a decent rapport with Randy in Revelator, and this might be weird but I think he and May would be decent friends.

OTP: Please do not kill me, but I like Zappa with Axl, Faust, and Sol. Axl is adorable and they’re both dorks, I have a bit of a soft spot of doctor/patient stuff, and I know it’s absurd as fuck but I like the idea of big buff important man Sol getting into a relationship with the biggest loser on earth and them both having a good time.

NOTP: There’s like no shipping for him so I can’t even do anything aside from my usual ‘no shipping children and adults’

Random headcanon: He’s a fucking disaster. Aside from the whole ghost thing. He’s a coward and avoid danger as much as possible but still manages to get horrifically injured through some accident or another almost constantly.

Unpopular opinion: He deserved to be in Revelator as a playable character a lot more than most of the returning characters they put in. I don’t think Baiken did enough story-wise to justify her being playable and Dizzy literally just showed up at the end for about two scenes. Yes I am bitter all the returning characters were basically waifu bait and I am only slightly sorry.

Song i associate with them: I really really like his character theme ‘Good Manners and Customs.’ It’s weird, but I don’t really have any songs for him.

Favorite picture of them: It is remarkably hard to find any fanart where he isn’t in pain or miserable, so I really like this birthday drawing, especially since it’s got his Vastedge look alongside the others. It’s cute!

#ask #blazblue #guilty gear #Roy Carmine #Zappa

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organicdietguide · 4 years

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To gain optimal health, lose weight, and feel better every day, all you need to do is follow these 5 simple rules.

Do Not Put Toxic Things Into Your Body

Many things people put in their bodies are downright toxic.

Some, such as cigarettes, alcohol, and abusive drugs, are also highly addictive, making it hard for people to give them up or avoid them.

If you have a problem with one of these substances, then diet and exercise are the least of your worries.

While alcohol is fine in moderation for those who can tolerate it, tobacco and abusive drugs are bad for everyone.

But an even more common problem today is eating unhealthy, disease-promoting junk foods.

If you want to gain optimal health, you need to minimize your consumption of these foods.

Probably the single most effective change you can make to improve your diet is to cut back on processed, packaged foods.

This can be tough because many of these foods are designed to be extremely tasty and very hard to resist.

When it comes to specific ingredients, added sugars are among the worst. These include sucrose and high-fructose corn syrup.

Both can wreak havoc on your metabolism when consumed in excess, though some people can tolerate moderate amounts.

In addition, it’s a good idea to avoid all trans fats, which are found in some types of margarine and packaged baked foods.

Lift Things and Move Around

Using your muscles is extremely important for optimal health.

While lifting weights and exercising can certainly help you look better, improving your appearance is really just the tip of the iceberg.

You also need to exercise to ensure your body, brain, and hormones function optimally.

Lifting weights lowers your blood sugar and insulin levels, improves cholesterol, and lowers triglycerides.

It also raises your levels of testosterone and growth hormones, both associated with improved well-being.

What’s more, exercise can help reduce depression and your risks of various chronic diseases, such as obesity, type 2 diabetes, heart disease, Alzheimer’s, and many more.

Additionally, exercise may help you lose fat, especially in combination with a healthy diet. It doesn’t just burn calories, but also improves your hormone levels and overall body function.

Fortunately, there are many ways to exercise. You don’t need to go to a gym or own expensive workout equipment.

It’s possible to exercise for free and in the comfort of your own home. Just do a search on Google or YouTube for “bodyweight workouts” or “calisthenics,” for example.

Going outside to hike or take a walk is another important thing you should do, especially if you can get some sun while you’re at it (for a natural source of vitamin D). Walking is a good choice and a highly underrated form of exercise.

The key is to choose something that you enjoy and can stick in the long run.

If you’re completely out of shape or have medical problems, it’s a good idea to talk to your doctor or a qualified health professional before starting a new training program.

Exercise doesn’t just help you look better, it also improves your hormone levels, makes you feel better, and reduces your risk of various diseases.

Sleep Like a Baby

Sleep is very important for overall health and studies to show that sleep deprivation correlates with many diseases, including obesity and heart disease.

It’s highly recommended to make time for good, quality sleep.

If you can’t seem to sleep properly, there are several ways you can try to improve it:

Don’t drink coffee late in the day.

Try to go to bed and wake up at similar times each day.

Sleep in complete darkness, with no artificial lighting.

Dim the lights in your home a few hours before bedtime.

It may also be a good idea to see your doctor. Sleep disorders, such as sleep apnea, are very common and in many cases easily treatable.

Getting quality sleep can improve your health in more ways than you can imagine. You’ll feel better both physically and mentally and lower your risk of various health problems down the line.

Avoid Excess StressA healthy lifestyle involves a wholesome diet, quality sleep, and regular exercise.

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#Breast feeding diet health woman mother pregnancy weight loss women

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howtohero · 7 years

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#049 Changing Your Codename

While your codename is undoubtedly an intrinsic part of your image, changing it is actually not all that hard to do. If you’re not trying to completely reinvent yourself by faking your death, moving, getting a new costume and starting over as a brand new person, changing your name is as simple as just letting people know that you’re the same hero, just with a new name. Call a press conference, disseminate a press release, post it on twitter, take out an ad in a newspaper that’s just a silhouette with the words “Who is the new mysterious Hydrosassin??” and then on the next page there’s a nigh identical ad except the silhouette is replaced by a full color picture of you with the words “Oh it’s just this guy!” Basically, changing your codename is easy peasy lemon squeezey. But why would a superhero ever want to change their highly recognizable codename? Well, there a dozens of reasons! And we’ve compiled a bunch of them just special for you!

Reasons You Might Want (or need) to Change Your Codename:

It’s been a while since anybody’s written a news article about you.

Another superhero started using your codename and everybody likes them better so they get to keep it!

Your new costume has different colors so you need to change the color in your codename to properly reflect this change.

The evolution of language has resulted in your codename now having unfortunate implications (This is why that detective who bursts into flames doesn’t go by “Flaming Dick” anymore).

You’ve received a cease and desist from a major corporation.

You discovered that you’re actually allergic to the animal you’ve named yourself after.

Somebody else owns the website domain name associated with your codename and it’s not a website you want people thinking you’re affiliated with.

You were recently cured of your colorblindness and realized that your costume was a different color than you thought it was.

It sounds inappropriate when said in certain accents.

The version of you that appears in sitcoms and cartoons is an absolute buffoon and you want to distance yourself from that.

You are addicted to holding press conferences.

You realized your codename implied that you had powers that you don’t actually have.

Your codename was way too long, especially for people to call out when they were in immediate danger so people would invariably call some other hero.

It tested poorly with focus groups for reasons they “couldn’t quite put their finger on.”

You lost the trademark.

It didn’t fit on your vanity license plate (and you can’t just take the vowels and spaces out of “Mister Boater”).

It was hard for songwriters to find rhymes for when they wrote songs about your bravery and heroism.

Your name was used as the title of a movie that wasn’t about you at all (not even a little bit!) but people still kept asking you about it.

You weren’t doing anything else today so why not.

It was too easy for songwriters and comedians to find rhymes for your name and they kept making mean rhyming songs and jokes.

A new AI helper was developed and it has the same name as you and now every time somebody calls your name dozens of devices come to life and say “How can I help you today?” and it is annoying.

You accidentally got your codename tattooed on your arm during a drunken night out and now, in order to prevent people from realizing who you are, you need to either change your codename or get the tattoo removed and removing tattoos is painful and expensive!

A terrorist organization started calling themselves by your name.

You lost a bet.

Some other guy bested you in combat and stole your name!

The actor who you were hoping would play you in the movie adaption of your life would only sign on if they got to choose a new, cooler, codename for you.

The toy company that you’ve licensed your image to for action figure purposes is forcing you to incorporate accessories and special features from your toys into your name. (That’s how Kung Fu Grip Star Breacher with Spring-Loaded-Missile-Launching Action! got his name, exclamation mark and all.)

You suffered severe head trauma and actually forgot what your old codename was and then when someone reminded you what it was, you thought it sounded stupid (and weren’t wrong!)

The animal you named yourself after went extinct.

You survived a traumatic incident and changed your name to show that the event had changed you.

You accidentally infiltrated an alien government and you had to change your codename to reflect your new rank as High Chancellor of the Blorp Emirates.

Science discovered a new species that you thought was super cool so you renamed yourself after it.

You lost one of your numerous extra appendages and you didn’t want to sound like a liar by still calling yourself Twelve-Armed Lady.

That username was already taken on Twitter and you weren’t about to call yourself Supah Warriah-2.

You suffered another freak lab accident and your mutant form changed dramatically so you decided to come up with a new name for it.

Your old one was too long to neatly write on “hello my name is” tags at superhero single mixers which are almost definitely a thing.

The first three letters of your codename were a bad word so every time you’d get a high score in a video game you’d be setting a bad example for the kids.

John Travolta mispronounced your name at an award show and you were too embarrassed to correct him so that’s your name now.

The ghosts of your ancestors came to you in a dream and told you that you were bringing great shame upon your family by going around with a doofy name like “Super Sprinkler,” or “Professor Paleontologist.”

Your name was too easy to spell and therefore easily googled and therefore everybody kept seeing that embarrassing video of you trying to arrest a fire hydrant you were 98% sure was an evil shapeshifter in disguise. (And it was an evil shapeshifter, it just didn’t reveal itself until after the cameras stopped filming!)

Every time somebody spoke your name out loud dogs vomited and you didn’t really know why that was but figured you were better off just changing your name.

You named yourself after the magical word that either powers you up or depowers you depending on what state you’re in so every time you introduced yourself to someone while in superhero mode you were instantly transformed back into a ten-year-old boy.

You’d just woken up from a coma and didn’t realize the name “Oprah” was already taken.

The person who was using the codename you really wanted died so now it’s just up for grabs!!!

You discovered a long lost super powered sibling and you were so overcome with a desire to be close with them that you guys went out and got new matching codenames.

Someone pointed out that your name spelled backwards read “All hail Satan Satan is great and he’s my best friend whom I love with all my heart” something which, somehow, you had never noticed before.

You got a fortune cookie that read “Hey! You should totally change your name! Erm, I mean. A great change will help you go far. Yeah, you get it. Lucky numbers: 8, 1004, -2, π.”

The “Director of Brand Reinvigoration Nation” that you hired off of Craigslist suggested a lot of stuff and “change your name and nothing else” was the easiest. (Other things included “star in a music video about soap,” and “create a third identity that is a villain.”)

A sick child used their wish to get you to change your name to something of their choosing.

You graduated from sidekick-hood and took on a new superhero moniker of your own.

You’re being blackmailed by a podium company into having numerous press conferences using their product as a form of free advertising.

You recently acquired a boat and needed to amend your name to add “captain.”

You recently completed your PhD and needed to amend your name to add “doctor.”

You came up with the name Brain Star before you started coming up with costume ideas and you understood that you couldn’t go around wearing a big “BS” on your chest.

The seasons change every four months! I change my name once in a ten year career and all of a sudden I have to explain myself???

Somebody bought you a gift card to a newspaper’s advertising department (a terrible gift by the way) and you don’t really know what else to do with it.

Your old name in sign language was a lewd gesture.

The name you originally wanted to use was deemed “way too cool for you” by your mentor but you just saved the world from alien werewolves from Jupiter’s moon so you felt that you’ve earned it now.

You didn’t like the way your picture turned out on your superhero team’s ID card and you figured if they were printing a new card for you anyway you may as well also change your name.

Someone triple dared you to change it.

An trans-dimensional imp placed a curse on you that made you speak entirely in song and at first you thought it was annoying but now you’re totally into it and so you’re really leaning into it and adding “:The Musical!” to the end of your name.

Thanks to the word of the day toilet paper your friend bought you (also a terrible gift) you’ve learned a bunch of cool new words that you want to incorporate into your codename.

You decided to take up a fallen hero’s legacy by taking on their name.

You’re a reformed supervillain who wanted to take on a new more heroic sounding name. (Killslaughter the Death Bringer is really more of a villain name.)

Somebody took you aside and gently explained to you why your codename was actually offensive to a group of people.

You met a version of yourself from an alternate reality and they had a way cooler name so you just adopted that.

You found a drawing you’d made as a child of yourself as a superhero complete with a codename you’d come up with and even though “Sir Gumball Man VII” is a stupid name you felt you owed it to your younger self to follow through on your dreams.

You misunderstood the public’s call for more transparency in superhero operations and changed your name to “Transparent Man/Woman/Person.”

People keep asking you if you were bitten by a radioactive version of the animal you’re named after. And you weren’t. The name comes from something else. You also can’t “do anything that [insert animal] can.” That Petey Parkour guy really ruined animal-themed names for everybody.

You wanted to change it to reflect the tips we featured in our post about codenames.

You thought of a really funny pun.

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nonbinaryconfess · 7 years

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(Different anon) i feel that for medical reasons it is okay to refer to physical sex by male or female or intersex, however "boy/girl/man/woman" needs to stop being associated with male/female sex organs. That way for medical purposes a man can go to a doctor and state that while being a 100% valid man, are female and their doctor will know that this person has those respective organs and can follow that protocol. IMO.

(Medical purposes continued) I am basically trying to say the terms male and female can be useful as long as they don’t hold gender in their meaning. (Sorry to bother you it’s just an idea that confuses me so I wanted to hash it out)

as utopian as that sounds, those terms already intrinsically have gender associated with them and there really is no way to separate them. there is no need to box people into specific categories based on what body parts they have. we don’t do the same thing for people with blond or red or dark hair. we don’t call them a specific name or categorize them like that. so why do we need to do the same thing with genitals? it’s important to think about these things so we can understand how these ideologies hurt people, mainly trans people.

if doctors really wanted to practice methods that is best for the health of their patients, they’d call body parts what they really are and treat people based on individual need. what makes someone “male” or “female”? an interesting question, and there is no real answer because it’s constructed and people have literally never agreed on it. if a trans man needed healthcare, there is no reason he would ever have to state that he is “female” or ever was “female”, because he isn’t, and he never was (but this part may vary by person, obviously). do the healthcare providers want to know if he has a vagina? then he can tell them that. do they want to know if he menstruates? he can tell them that too. the important thing to note here is that making assumptions about people’s bodies by one (1) aspect (namely genitals, which is literally all agab is based on) literally helps no one. assuming all people with vaginas have ovaries and produce estrogen is false and Bad. this applies across the board.

deconstructing these ideologies takes a lot of effort and obviously this isn’t something that everyone’s going to agree on. i don’t expect that to happen, and i don’t expect everyone in the medial profession to drop everything that society has taught them. i just find it interesting when we begin to question what that society has taught us and why we categorize people based on certain aspects, but not others. as i’ve said before, here’s a tag dedicated to this issue that contains way better explanations than mine.

(i’m not going to be answering any more asks about this topic bc i’ve been over it like 5 separate times on this blog so pls let me rest thx)

- mod emery

#asks

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somuchbetterthanthat · 7 years

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What do you think the barricade boys would be like today. Like with everything going on.

I was thinking about this, and I thought “oh my god, I have zero idea, that’s why it’s so hard to really write les amis in modern AU” but, I can try to actually give the beginning of an answer (and I’m ready to hear everybody’s opinions on this, really, because I think, depending our own situations, we’re gonna imagine something different for all of them.). This turned extremely long.. sorry.

I think the easiest to pin down are Feuilly and Grantaire, to be honest.

Grantaire, would be That Guy who never went to vote to an election because “what’s the point? They’re all the same.” Or maybe, the first time he was able to vote was for a presidential, he voted someone, they didn’t pass (or they did and disappointed him) and he was disappointed and he went “whatever, voting is not as cool as I was told it would”. Grantaire won’t say he avoids the news because the bullshit around him actually affects him, and he totally won’t ever admit how much he loves being friends with people who ARE optimist and who sees humanity’s beauty and want to make things better. Grantaire is also the guy who is Totally in Favour of Women’s Rights, Especially the Sexual Liberation Part of It *wink wink*. He… probably had unfortunate sentences like “girls don’t like the nice guys, they just want assholes” (i mean he basically already say unfortunate things like that in canon). Irma probably said once to him “Dude, you are an asshole, and I don’t see women running to your feet, so shut the hell up.” In my opinion, he’s also a white man in his twenties, with all the blind prejudice it can bring. He’s bi, but not that comfortable with it.

Feuilly, and dear god will I fight anybody on this if I must, is a STUDENT. (Or was a student, depending on which age you give them). Feuilly still struggles with money, because he’d live in fucking Paris, but Feuilly would NOT struggle to study, because FRANCE’S UNIVERSITIES ARE CHEAP (in comparison to some other countries, I mean), and also there are different financial help for people like Feuilly who don’t have the financial means to pay everything from their pockets. It’s still highly probable Feuilly would work anyway, probably in retail or tutoring!, though. Feuilly would spend his time reading and Getting Angry or Passionate about everything that’s going on in the world, that won’t change in our modern world. It’s not about Poland anymore, but oh man Feuilly would rant hours on the situation of Syrians refugees. He probably sat in baffled, horrified silence after Trump’s election. He makes sure people know about what happens in countries the media aren’t interested in. In fact, I could see him write long articles on international problems.

To be honest, I really don’t know If I can do this for all of les amis (perhaps not as detailed). A lot of this is only my personal opinions on how they might be in modern France.

In a world where Law school isn’t the only available school for people who don’t want to graduate for School, what do Bossuet and Bahorel do? I can see them, of course, going to university, again and again, but? Would they really not get a diploma…? I mean, okay, poor Bossuet probably doesn’t because of Circumstances, but for Bahorel, I don’t know - he can still have gone to study Law in the first place, find it filled with Terrible Arrogant Competitive People, went “nope” and just. Tried a lot of other things, accidentally majored and got a diploma in at least two of them, and somehow ends up with the most diploma in the group???? Which is baffling because Bahorel would also clearly be a Stylist. He has a page and everything. People don’t get it. I dunno.

Concerning politics activity, Bahorel would still be the person who Knows Everybody In Paris, which means he goes from group to group - Bahorel probably knows the most radical leftist you can find in Paris, and he has tried to infiltrate an extreme-right meeting once or twice (but that ended up badly). Bahorel probably is the Main Messenger of l’ABC. He’s also probably very good at corrupting students and making them think “maybe being Far Left is actually quite cool”

Jehan probably is vegan? I have no idea what radical art movement is actually scandalizing the Good Society, but he’s probably part of that in some way (with Bahorel). Street art..? I truly have no idea here, so I won’t embarrass myself trying to say something. He still writes a lot of poems, he’s still very erudite, and he’s probably still very rich. He probably gives a lot of money to charity - for women, children, and animals, and he’s an active participant in at least one of them. He’s very big on the “nature doesn’t belong to human and we should be respectful of it” sustainable development movements.

… Of course les amis would probably all be for sustainable development cause they’re not idiots but. you know.

I can’t see Joly as anything else than a doctor, and I tend to think he’d go for caring for kids in particular. He’s good with them. To be honest, when it comes to politics, Joly and Bossuet are the hardest for me to pin down - I have zero doubt they’re as invested as the others, but I don’t think they’d have as much “clear” role if you know what I mean? Joly probably organizes things for the children at hospital, like having people come here to visit them and make them laugh (Bossuet would probably help with that, and, in fact, probably so would Grantaire), or making sure they can see That Movie that just got out, etc. Joly would also be highly invested in the cause of nurses, which are having a hard time in France right now. Bossuet, drawing from his own experiences, would probably help people in situation of poverty - homeless people, etc. Perhaps he’d help in Le Refuge, which is an association that helps lgbt kids in France who are homeless.

As for Joly, I can’t see Combeferre as anything else than a doctor, apart if he’s a teacher. Combeferre could totally be a teacher. however, Combeferre would probably be a family doctor, after trying a lot of different specialization. In fact, Combeferre probably went for medicine after trying a bunch of other things, and probably did at least two years of “prépa” (I have zero idea how to explain what it is. Two years of school that prepares you to a test that will allow you to enter prestigious schools all over france?) in like, physics or something because he used to plan to become a scientist. Combeferre is fascinated by technology and how it can help; probably works on making teleportation a thing during lost hours; has contacts all over the scientist words, and spends a lot of time with Jehan speaking about how we could actually already put into place green energy all over the world. Combeferre also tutors kids, he’s involved in feminist groups, and of all his friends, he is the most socialist while everybody else is pretty far into radical left.

Would Courfeyrac be a lawyer? Honestly, I could see it! There is something about Courfeyrac that feels right about this, choosing to defend the innocent and all, he’s a paladin isn’t he - of course he would be a real life lawyer, not a fictional one, and I don’t know exactly which branches of law exists for him in modern-france, but he would be for the one who comes closest to helping either children, group of people being wronged, etc. He probably also gives free lawyer advice for those who don’t even know perhaps they hAVE rights. Courfeyrac would deal with everything social media in the group, and he would still have an uncanny eye to notice people that might fit and belong in their group. He’s charming in a less intense way that Enjolras might be, which makes him an easy “first contact”.

As for Enjolras, well, duh, he’d be a printer. He’d be involved in particular with everything that touches the right of workers, what the EU means for France’s companies, and what generally speaking international market do for workers that might not have a chance to fight against the competitive prices of other countries. Chances are, the printshop would also have an editorial branch to it, too. Which brings me to my point-

I think les amis de l’ABC would have a newspaper of sort: they’d started with a blog, and somehow it turned into a very political, humanist newspaper, of which Enjolras would be the principal editor: all of les amis might write articles from times to times - Bahorel, Bossuet, Courfeyrac and Jehan are the one who find other authors to fill in. Grantaire probably writes the horoscope, and it is mocking and still very PoliticalTM, but the tone is humouristic and there are a lot of puns and les amis are much too weak for puns.

They would also have a branch dedicated to tutoring students of all ages, particularly in “difficult neighborhoods” (which would go hand in hand with Valjean’s center, which is a vague idea of mine that i like). That’s Combeferre and Feuilly’s responsibilities, though Joly chimes in when he can, as well as Courfeyrac and Enjolras.

They would, obviously, protest - that’s a French Given. They would be, as I said, very active on social media (Courfeyrac on youtube, please and thank you, videos of Enjolras speaking, etc.). A lot of their stance might be on visibility and education: which wouldn’t stop them from direct action when it needs to happen. Les amis de l’ABC would very much be far left, though I don’t think they would like the idea of two big parties anymore, because that’s a feeling that every french people feel nowadays, i think, or so it feels anyway.

And while I said “he” all the while in this post, because I put them all from canon to modern era, obviously not all of them would be “he”. Les amis de l’ABC would be boys, girls, trans, non-binary, they’d be white or black or brown-skinned, atheists, muslims, catholics, jewish people, etc. Les amis de l’ABC would be very diverse. Also, probably bigger than they were in canon-era - apparently there wasn’t that much of them because of political restrictions of the time-period, but nowadays they could be as much as they can freely, so, there’s that. Of course, that doesn’t change the idea that Enjolras, Courfeyrac, Combeferre, Feuilly, Bahorel, Jehan, Bossuet, Joly and Grantaire might be the “core” of their association/group.

I don’t… actually know if that answer your question at all? I hope so?

#this is a very hard question truly #les amis de l'abc #les amis #Les Misérables #my vague tentative to put les amis into a modern au

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tumblunni · 7 years

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uuuuugh i hate going back onto my antidepressants after a short absence we had a miscalculation about the dates i could pickup my next batch from the doctor, so i was without meds for five days its annoying that even just five days is enough for me to get the first time symptoms again every time i start a new serotonin enabler mediciney thing its always a few days of feeling really really vomity and i cant even throw up to relieve the awfulness cos i need to keep the damn pill swallowed usually i just hope im lucky enough to be tired enough to take a short nap right after swallowing the pill, and that the side effects wear off before i wake up I think maybe its a little less bad with a just five days absence tho? I was feeling REALLY pukey yesterday but now its just a mild stomach urk a few hours after taking the pill. Hope it doesnt get worse! but lol it was bad timing yesterday cos i ate like a whole tin of applesauce right after taking my meds but now i havent eaten anything at all and i still feel sick, so probably it doesnt even matter lol

oh but I had fun buying some new clothes for the first time in a year! I feel bad that now I’ve spent £200 of this big money savings, but i got some good essentials that I;ve been putting off for a while and only splurged slightly on one or two cute shirts. I have a big ol stock of plain black trousers and socks again, woo! And one tye dye floral pattern shorts thingy, and a ruffled blouse that looked nice. i wanna try and become more comfortable again with wearing traditionally ‘feminine’ clothes. like.. before i knew i was trans i just knew that i wasnt female and wasnt male felt like nobody would believe me unless i proved i was male at least, cos there ‘wasnt any other option’. Even now i kinda feel like whenever i wear anything stereotypically associated with my birth gender I’m somehow not nonbinary after all and I was just lying... so yeah i bought a few pink and floral pattern type summer blouses and i wanna try and incorporate them into my style. I dont have to be a man to not be a woman, and honestly the gendering of clothes is complete bullshit anyway. I shall prove my binary defying status by wearing both instead of neither! (or instead of like.. one side, just the one i’m least often mistaken for... i dunno how that logic was meant to work..) Also stereotypical ‘male’ clothes are so limited and devoid of joy in my local shops. Its all fuckin ‘just wear a suit everywhere forever, casualwear doesnt exist and nothing can be anything but white and grey’. I’d like to hope that even cis men and women buy from the other gender’s shops every now and again, the gender division here is just SO WRONG that it must be hell for anyone who has even the slightest deviation from The One Societally Correct Fashion Sense. Please don;t limit yourself, guys, wear what you want and fuck anyone who makes fun of you! It must be a terrible life to force yourself to follow stereotypes 24/7, not everyone is lucky enough to just coincidentally coincide with those stereotypes. (Tho also, nothing against those people! none of this ‘overly feminine stereotypes are limiting thus no woman is ever allowed to wear high heels or like pink’) ... ANYWAY in conclusion before i started rambling: i bought some furniture and some clothes and i’m excited cos they’ll be delivered tomorrow. And I’ll have a nice big new mirror to try on the clothes, and try and feel better about my appearance. I usually have so little money that i just stick with one set of clothes i wear every day for a year, that i got in a second hand store or something, until it actually breaks and thats the only time i’ll buy a new shirt. I tried buying two undertale shirts and a pokemon hat last year and it made me feel way more confident just to know i’m wearing something I actually enjoy, so im happy now i could afford one small self indulgent shop for some nice summerwear. ^_^ Plus, of course, now i have my binder so I’m way more confident! I’m still not sure if I’ll be comfortable wearing this low necked ruffled blouse, cos people could see my binder strings and i mean its not easily mistaken for a bra. So maybe I can make it work if I wear another layer of blouse underneath in a nice colour. Tho probably yeah, gender stereotypes and all, i’d get tagged as a woman just for wearing the blouse at all, even when I’m binding *shrug*

oh and also i bought a new large trash can which is nice make the place a bit more organized than just having a bag hanging out in the corner to dump all my crud in they had some more fancy ones with flip top lids and stuff but i just went for the cheapest one cos id already spent too much on the rest

oh and also a new blender! i still feel REALLY BAD that i made the one luxury purchase of a blender last year but it was the wrong size so i completely wasted my money. ive still been trying to make smoothies like 100ml at a time in this tiny garlic grinder thing XD but this was on sale so now i can finally have a blender sized blender of juice and soups! YAAAAAY!! im gonna eat the more healthy! im gonna use up these 24 cans of tomatos that’re sitting on the desk for a year! why did i not check the blender before i bought those!

#bunni original vintage post

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