Hiya tumblr! Let's have a talk about bioessentialist enbyphobia, transmisogyny, and how to make sure transfeminine people, enby or not, feel completely unsafe and unwelcome at your events. First take a look at this group description, and then lets get into it.

First some context. Those of you who know me know about the kinds of clubs I go to. This screenshot was taken from a local event page, and I've blocked out their name because in the months since this event was hosted the group has updated their description to be more inclusive.

Seeing that description, I avoided going to events hosted by that group.

"But Kat, why? You're a woman and it says women are allowed!"

It also implicitly lumps all nonbinary people who were assigned male at birth with men and calls them males.

So why is this a problem for me? Well, if this group sees all AMAB nonbinary people as "male" then it says a lot of things about the ways the see trans women.

Many, and I would venture to assume most, trans women know well the feeling of our womanhood treated as conditional, subject to immediate revocation without warning.

Spaces that are "Women and AFAB exclusive" are often rife with this, and often lead to a lot of really gross and abusive power dynamics where transfems get treated as second class to anyone who was assigned female at birth.

(Side note: Gretchen Felker-Martin did, I believe, a masterful job of portraying this sort of dynamic in her book Manhunt)

If you are a trans woman in one of these spaces, you quickly learn that you are on the thinnest of ice.

Laugh a little too loud? You're male.

Sit or stand a little too close? You're threatening.

Smile at the wrong person? You're making other people uncomfortable.

Transfems, in these spaces, quickly learn that standing up for ourselves in the face of flagrant abuse is verboten, and will be met with swift and decisive punishment and exile.

I personally don't like the word "theyfab" and don't use it. I'm writing this thread to hopefully help people better understand the social dynamics that were being addressed when that term was coined.

It was coined because transfems are forced to navigate a community of things like "afab only" apartment rentals.

It was coined because transfems constantly have to listen to other trans people implicitly describe us as disgusting, hideous freaks.

In short and in closing: consider that the reason why the term "theyfab" exists and "theymab" really doesn't probably lies somewhere in the fact that the sort of person who would call someone a "theymab" doesn't need to, because they *already* just call AMAB trans people "male".

the thing that makes me so annoyed about pinterest is that its made up mostly of kids who were regarded as so funny in kindergarten for whatever reason and internalized that as their only personality trait and later saw tumblr screenshots and because they didn't have any actual natural humor they decided the real way to be funny is just to be insanely hostile and #random to complete strangers. if I have to see one more kid repeating the "theres a headless corpse in the dumpster behind payless" joke on random comments from people who don't care, i'm gonna explode. please. please just look into how to develop social skills. there are worksheets free online I promise its okay to use them.

part 2 of what makes pinterest annoying is that nobody on that website knows what bait is and takes everything completely seriously and at face value and has absolutely no critical thinking skills and doesn't know how to absorb information and create their own opinions based off of that, they just believe everything they're told as long as it makes a little bit of sense to them. it doesn't have to make sense in the real world (ex: people identifying as animesexual or furries demanding litter boxes in school bathrooms), it just has to be ridiculous so they can react strongly to the idea rather than the actual reality of it. its also a dangerous mindset when you get real deep into it because it means they take whatever bait they can - and that's a tactic. there's tons of people who comment stuff on tiktoks like "fat women can't pull off short skirts or crop tops" or "you can't dance i bet you can't do this provocative dance" and they take the bait so easily because they've been taught that its funny to #own bigots and idiots online, and being funny is more important being safe. its genuinely horrifying.

omg the bait thing is so real. like people just farm outrage clicks and comments to get more traction and views, you see this a lot on facebook and twitter too, like someone saying something very obviously egregious and millions of people flood the comments in a huff. or they do that thing where they're like "omg people are so stupid how do you not know that miami is the capital of florida", which is just BEGGING for people to go into the comments to correct them like "ummm actually the capital of florida is tallahassee so actually you're stupid", falling into the OP's engagement trap hook, line, and sinker. its very competitive, people don't know how to let things go, they HAVE TO correct and one-up others and feel smarter than them, even when other people have commented the same thing already. they have to let their voice be known, even if its saying the exact same thing as thousands of others. individualism at its finest.

and honestly, i get it. it's hard to pull away, see something batshit and not respond. its hard bc people on pinterest are so naïve, but that's just a symptom of having a userbase consisting of mostly older conservatives and very young teens that happen to intersect at times. it ties into whole the #owning bigots thing too, like they'd rather make fun of obviously terrible people then help or support people that are being targeted. like ok, you hate terfs. now what do you do to support trans people outside of making memes about how terfs suck? this is why that stupid harry potter game is still trending, bc people refuse to block, ignore, mute stupid terfs who are chomping at the bits for a fight and have to argue with them and make memes, which is only aggravating it's notoriety.

Jk rowling was not "cancelled on the spot" shes been spouting crap for years that pisses people off and naturally collected a large amount of haters. Her amateur writing and many strange plots in her books have been heavily scrutinized by critics. Extreme stereotyping, racism, homophobia, writing weird shit about children on twitter, the whole thing with the elves who loved being slaves is weird as fuck, aids metaphors etc. Everyone knows she's annoying. She's hated by transphobes ands trans people alike. Young people hate her and old people hate her. Harry potter fans hate her. Even many of the movie cast hate her. She's a bigot. She doesn't care about people like you. why are u falling over yourself to defend her honestly its so pathetic and we can see right through you. I'm sure you never really gave a crap about the books or who wrote them until you became a radical bitch. You just love her because she hates trans as much as you. That's all you have in common. Shes not a feminist, shes not fighting for anyones rights, she doesnt spread any important information or have any educated opinions. Her new books and movies suck. All she does is sit writing drivel and spreading hate which sounds a lot like you. No wonder you admire her so much. Honestly i bet if Kim Yo Jong or someone came out as a terf and a radical feminist u would all start fanning over her and convert to her ideologies bc u have no back bone or brain and the only thing u care about is worshipping ur chronically online terf cult, making up shit and hating trans people who have nothing to do with you. News flash! Your radical feminism isn't any more radical than what normal ass women have been talking about for generations. All the issues are already included in normal feminism, it's just the same except: you ignore big issues (especially those involving minorities and women of colour), act horrible and rude to everyone, isolate yourself and most of all, devote your existence to being transphobic. It's like a cry for help or something. You're ruining your life by being a bitch. and noone is going to feel sorry for you. Mental illness innit. 🤣 - Sincerely a happily married cis white woman. Get a life.

Oh my god this is so funny, did you copy and paste this from somewhere or did you really type all of this out for me?? I am blushing🤭

People will always have a lot to say about JKR and that's okay, she's a famous female author who owns a billion dollar franchise—people are going to talk shit on her name and some of it may be true, and some of it may not. With the way now that people deliberately skew what other people say (e.g. "JKR wants trans people deaaaaad!!!"), take a lot of shit you see from non-sources with a grain of a salt.

Regardless of the discourse & semantics you want to engage in, biological sex will still be real, women will still face sex-based oppression, and same-sex attracted people are still being erased in favour of "queer" activism. It is not hate to call that out. But it is very condescending to say all this to a detransitioned trans woman / homosexual man since I am still dysphoric, but I am not a victim nor will act like one because of it.

I made this blog to support detransitioners & same-sex attracted people, and to call out lies I was told by the trans cult during & after my transition. I really don't need "happily married cis white women" lecturing me about gender ideology that you never lived. Thanks though!

Sincerely, a "radical b*tch"

In response to JK Rowling and Joss Whedon, my (former) idols

I really didn’t want to have to do this.

So in addition to…=gestures vaguely=…all of that, the last few months have been kind of sucky when it comes to learning some really unpleasant things about artists that I looked up to, admired, and was in fact inspired by. I’ve already spoken about the Speaking Out movement revealing a lot of ugly behavior from various wrestlers, some of which I was big fans of, and then later we got Chris Jericho being a full-on MAGA. Yeah, that all sucked. But those were just performers whose work I enjoyed watching. The one that really hurt were writers who I deeply admired, whose stories I love, and who I was heavily influenced by.

The first, of course, was finding out that JK Rowling, the author of perhaps the single biggest YA fantasy series of all time Harry Potter, is a TERF. This really sucked for a number of reasons. Firstly, I really like Harry Potter! I mean, I’m not a super fan or anything. I came into it when things were kind of dying down, like the whole book series had already been released and there were only a few movies left, but I still really enjoyed it, have all the books and movies and a fair amount of merchandise swag, including a nifty wand I got at Universal Studios. Shit, I got two replicas of the Sword of Griffyindor, thanks to them screwing up my order in my favor and sending me a duplicate! They’re on my wall right across from me as I type this!

But in addition to writing a book series I really liked, JK Rowling was supposed to be one the good guys. She’s been vocally progressive, often openly comes down on British right-wing nonsense, has supported various persecuted minorities, and is on record as being one of the few self-made billionaires to actually stop being a billionaire for a time because she donated so much money to charity. And while we mock it now, her revealing Dumbledore as gay was a huge deal at the time. Plus, she cultivated this reputation as Auntie Jo, that cool, supportive aunt we all wanted.

But for a while her stock has been dropping. Her preference for confirming “representation” via tweets instead of explicitly putting it in the text of her stories has raised the question of queer-baiting, especially with a whole-ass movie with a young Dumbledore and Grindelwald to make their relationship explicit but failing to do so. The whole Nagini thing from the latest Fantastic Beasts movie was pretty gross. And re-examination of various problematic elements from the original novels has rubbed a lot of people the wrong way. Now, none of these really looked to be intentionally malicious, of course. Just about everyone’s early work will have problematic elements; that’s just how people work. And the later stuff smacked more of ignorance than anything. But after all this time, it’s like, c’mon. You should know better by now.

But the biggie came when her transphobic views finally came to light. Now, this one had been brewing for a while, due to some questionable likes and statements on her twitter. But then she decided to just go public and published what essentially amounts to a TERF manifesto, one with a very “love the sinner, hate the sin” condescending attitude and had a real persecution complex air to it.

Now, I’m not going to go into detail about what the manifesto was about, what the circumstances surrounding it were, or how wrong it was. It’s already been raked over the coals, dissected, answered, and debunked in detail by people far more qualified than me, so odds are, you’re already well aware of its contents and the subsequent rebuttals. But the gist of it comes down to her basically believing that transwomen are actually cis men claiming to be trans so as to infiltrate and invade female-only spaces.

Yeah.

Okay, that’s gross, but…why? Why is someone so noted for being progressive and wanting to foster an inclusive environment making this the hill of exclusion that she wants to die on?

Well, that’s where things get tricky. She mentions that prior to Harry Potter, her first marriage was highly physically and sexually abusive, and when she escaped from that, she had no place to go, leading her to be homeless for a time.

Oh.

Well, that makes sense. Someone goes through a highly traumatic experience with a member of the opposite sex, has no support structure when she escapes it, is left to fend for herself, only to suddenly get rocketed into fame, fortune, and influence, which in turn leads to a Never Again mentality. She was hurt, no one was there to help her, and now she’s afraid of men invading women-only spaces to victimize others like she was victimized. So…literally transphobic. Literally a Trans Exclusionary Radical Feminist.

Guys, this is so fucked up. Like, how do you even approach something like this? She’s a victim in every sense of the word, so of course she’s going to have physiological damage and a warped view of things. I mean, if I found out that a close friend of mine went through the same thing and had the same prejudices, I would be nothing but sympathetic! I mean, I’d still do what I can to convince her to overcome those prejudices, but I’d still show sympathy and support for what she went through.

Abuse warps people. There’s a reason why so many abusers are abuse survivors themselves. It makes you terrified of being hurt again and often causes people to adopt toxic behaviors, beliefs, and reactions to protect themselves. I’ve already talked about it at length while discussing She-Ra and its own handling of the cycle of abuse, which included franks discussions of Catra’s horrible behavior, why she was the way she was, while never losing sympathy for her and rooting for her to overcome it. So if JK Rowling is an abuse survivor, is it really right to come down on her for having warped views because of that abuse?

But that’s the problem. See, she isn’t your troubled friend that you’re trying to help. She isn’t your cousin Leslie who’s a really sweet person but unfortunately adopted some bad ideals due to trauma suffered. She JK freakin’ ROWLING, one of the most famous, wealthy, and influential women in the world. She has a platform of millions, if not billions, which means her voice lends credibility to her bigoted beliefs. Alt-righters and other TERFs have already swooped upon this for giving validation to their awful beliefs, which puts trans people even more at risk. And as horrible as Rowling’s experiences might have been, the trans community is often the victim of far worse, and they don’t have a mountain of money and an army of defenders to protect them like she does. I’ve said it time and time again: just because you’re a victim, that doesn’t give you the right to victimize others! And bringing things back to Catra, as much as I loved her redemption in the final season, she was still a TERRIBLE PERSON for a huge chunk of the show, one that needed to be stood up to and stopped.

So yeah. That’s the messiness that is JK Rowling.

Now, let’s talk about the one that really hurts. Let’s talk about Joss Whedon.

I’ve made no secret of what a huge Whedon fan I am. Unlike Rowling, I was a HUUUUUGE superfan. Seeing Serenity for the first time in theaters was akin to a religious awakening to me as a storyteller, making it one of my top three movies of all time. Firefly is my favorite show ever. And I adored Buffy, Angel, and Dollhouse as well. I love Cabin in the Woods and The Avengers. The very first fanfic I ever wrote was a Firefly fanfic that disappeared along with my old laptop. I know his style isn’t for everyone, but I cannot understate how much of a personal inspiration he is to me as a writer.

And like Rowling, Joss was supposed to be one of the good guys! Buffy was monumental in pushing the needle when it came to female empowerment. Will and Tara were groundbreaking as a gay couple. He’s been outspoken for years about his feminist views and beliefs and was seen as one of the most prominent and influential feminist voices in Hollywood!

And then things started to go bad.

One day he was on top of the world, the mastermind behind the first two Avenger movies. And the next, it seemed like he was in freefall. It’s hard to really pinpoint exactly when the change took place. Some would say him being brought in as a last-minute substitute for Zack Snyder to take over on Justice League after Snyder had to leave due to family tragedy, and the subsequent awful critical reception to that film tarnishing his image, even if those were very unique circumstances that couldn’t really be blamed on him. Others might point to Age of Ultron’s less than stellar reception, as well as criticism of some questionable jokes and certain creative decisions regarding the character of Black Widow, which then led to a more critical examination of how Whedon continues to write female characters, as while his work might have been revolutionary in the 90’s, his failure to evolve with the times had meant that many of his portrayals are now woefully outdated and problematic, with his vision for a Batgirl movie getting hit with a lot of backlash as a result.

Again, I’m not going to go into too much detail, as this is all public knowledge and can be easily looked up, but overall it seemed that Whedon entered into a period where he was getting criticized more than he was celebrated, and his image of a guaranteed hit maker was now in doubt.

But all of this wasn’t the big problem. All creators go through rises and slumps, and everyone hits points where they get hit with a barrage of criticism; that’s just part of being a public creative figure, especially a progressive one. And had nothing happened after, it would have probably faded, got forgotten, and Whedon would have moved onto the next project with no fuss.

But as it turned out, it wasn’t just a minor slump in his career. Instead, it was the priming of the pump.

In 2016, Whedon divorced his wife of sixteen years, Kai Cole, and in an open letter, Kai Cole accused him of being a serial cheater, who would have affairs with a great many women, from co-workers, to actresses, to friends, to even his fans. And in addition to raising questions of him possibly abusing his position as showrunner to elicit sex from those working on his projects, there also is the ugly question of how could someone who speaks so highly of women then go and backstab the person who was supposed to be the most important woman in his life, as well as lying to her and denying her the autonomy of deciding whether or not she even wanted to continue to have a relationship with him?

Furthermore, Whedon himself has not explicitly denied these accusations, and comments made by him seem only to confirm them.

Now if you’ll recall, I reacted publicly to this news, and despite my admiration of Whedon’s work, I came down on Kai Cole’s side, and stated that while things like marriage issues and infidelity were no one’s business but that of the couple’s, it did raise a lot of uncomfortable questions about how Whedon treated the women in his life and he really needed to get his shit in order.

But hey, a messy private life and a guy falling into temptation isn’t that big of a deal, right? Plenty of creators also go through multiple marriages and have problems staying faithful and still continue making great art. We’re all human, it’s a stressful job, and this shit just happens, right? Sure, it’s gross and a shitty thing to do, but ain’t no business of ours, right?

In late 2020, actor Ray Fisher, who played the role of Cyborg in Justice League, openly accused Joss Whedon of fostering a hostile work environment, claiming that the director’s behavior was abusive and unprofessional, and that Whedon in turn was protected by DC executives.

DC and Warner Bros. came down against Fisher, claiming they had done an internal investigation that turned up no evidence of wrongdoing (yeah, sure they did), and soon Fisher was out as Cyborg, apparently for rocking the boat.

But then Charisma Carpenter, noted for her important role as Cordelia Chase in both Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel, then spoke up, claiming to be inspired by Fisher in doing so. She described Whedon did indeed foster a hostile work environment on his projects, that his often acted in a toxic manner, from asking incredibly invasive and inappropriate questions regarding her pregnancy to insulting her on set. She said that she made excuses for him for years, but after undergoing a lot of therapy and reading what Ray Fisher had to say, she felt compelled to speak out.

And this just open the floodgates. Other actors and actresses also came forward, some with stories of their own, others to offer support. Even Buffy herself, Sarah Michelle Gellar, confirmed Carpenter’s stories and said that she no longer wanted to be associated with Whedon. Michelle Trachtenberg, who played the character of Dawn, stated that she also experienced toxic treatment from Whedon despite her being a minor at the time, and says that the set had a rule that Whedon wasn’t allowed to be alone with her again, which really raises some sickening questions of what happened the first time. Even male stars have spoken out, from words of support and apologies for not speaking up earlier from Anthony Stewart Head and David Boreanaz, to an earlier interview with James Marsters, in which he described being terrified of Whedon, mainly due to an instance when Whedon was frustrated with the popularity of Marsters’s character of Spike messing with his plans and physically and verbally taking it out on the actor. There have been many corroborating stories of Whedon being casually cruel on set, on seemingly taking delight in making his fellow show writers cry, and even the man himself admitting to enjoying fostering a hostile work environment during his director commentary of the Avengers. We’ve joked about Whedon’s supposed sadism for years, but that was in regards to how he treated the characters in his stories, not the people helping him make them!

So yeah. That’s the problem with Joss Whedon.

So, do I think that Joss Whedon is somehow some kind of sociopath who lied about his feminist principles and deliberately put on a progressive façade specifically to get into a position of power so he could torment people? No, of course not. I think he was sincere about his beliefs, and I do think he didn’t realize the wrongness of his behavior. But that’s kind of the problem. See, it’s one thing to have kind of a trollishness to your nature, a sort of sadistic side. No one can help that. But when someone with that quality gets put into a position of power in which they are protected by both the higher-ups and their legions of fans, they are allowed to mistreat and continue to mistreat people. And by never suffering any consequences, that sort of toxic behavior becomes internalized, becomes a habit, becomes their moda operandi. And when you’re constantly getting praised as a creative genius and a wonderful feminist voice, any self-criticism just gets wiped away, and you think yourself above reproach, leading to what Joss Whedon became and went on being.

And you know what scares me the most about this particular issue? It’s not that I am a fan of his stories. It’s that I can so easily see myself turning out the same way.

Look, I’ll be upfront about it: I’m kind of a sadist myself. You’ve seen it in my stories, you’ve seen me gloating after a particularly dark plot twist makes my readers freak out. That sort of stuff is fun to me. There’s a reason why I have a much easier time in the dark and violent scenes, because I’m channeling something ugly within me. We all have a dark side, and this is mine.

But UNLIKE Whedon, that doesn’t carry over to how I treat people in real life (unless Monopoly or Mario Party are involved, then it’s fair game). Maybe it’s because I wasn’t given the sort of power and praise he did so early, and I was always taught to be considerate of other people’s feelings, but if I ever find out that I hurt another person or went too fair, I feel TERRIBLE, and it just throws me off all day until I apologize. Even if I don’t notice right away that what I said or did wasn’t cool (autistic, remember?), when it’s pointed out to me and I have some time to think on it, yeah, the guilt is on and I make a point to apologize to whoever I’ve hurt. I’ve even made a point to apologize to members of my family for inconsiderate stuff I said years ago as a little punk kid because it wouldn’t stop bugging me.

So maybe Whedon got too big, too fast. Maybe putting people on these sorts of pedestals, especially progressive ones, is ultimately a bad thing.

So where does this leave us? How are we to treat JK Rowling and Joss Whedon, one who developed a lot of transphobia due to abuse suffered while the other became a toxic individual due to unchecked control and a lack of consequences? Can we still enjoy their stories despite them now being colored by their creators’ falls from grace? Can we separate the art from the artist, or do we have to do a clean split?

Honestly, I feel that has to come down to the individual. I can’t remove the influence Rowling and Whedon have had on me as a storyteller, and I still highly respect both of their talents despite taking major issue with their problems as people. And I’m not going go throw away all of my Harry Potter or Firefly stuff. Because that’s my stuff. It has value to me, it doesn’t represent the issues with their creators, and a lot of it was gifts from people who are dear to me. Though I do think it’ll be a long time before I return to either of their work, as I just don’t have the stomach for it now.

But I will be avoiding any projects they have in the future. I don’t want to put money in their pockets that might go on to support their toxic beliefs or behavior. And as for royalties for their past work that would also support the cast and crew of the Harry Potter films or those who worked on Whedon’s shows who do not deserve to lose money because we don’t want any of that money going to the creators? Er, that question is a little above my paygrade. I don’t know. You’ll have to all decide for yourselves. As for me, I still have a lot of thinking to do.

Regardless though, if I or anyone else is still able to enjoy their work, then it’s important to not divorce what these people said or did from the art they created, even if it makes enjoying that art less fun. It’s important to be critical about what we enjoy, to acknowledge the bad aspects along with the good, and open up discussion of those elements, because that’s what mature adults are supposed to do. 

And as for JK Rowling and Joss Whedon, whose stories I love, whose talent I admire, and whose past good work I’ll happily acknowledge, I do hope they both experience some sort of realization and enter into a period of self-examination that leads to them getting help for their issues, for Rowling to get help in coming to terms with her trauma and realizing that she’s wrong about the trans community and a full apology, and for Whedon to also come to terms with his toxic behavior and how he treats people, for him to make no excuse for what he did and sincerely apologize to those he hurt and work on bettering himself, as well as them both examining some of the more problematic tropes still present in their works. Because despite everything, I do feel that they can still be a creative force of good, and it would be a shame if they let themselves self-destruct.

But if not, then if it comes down to choosing between Rowling and the protecting the trans community, if it comes down between choosing between letting Whedon continue to make shows and protecting actors and writers from his abusive behavior, then I know who I’m siding with, and it ain’t the two individuals this whole essay is about. No story, no matter how good, no matter how creative, is worth letting sacrificing vulnerable people in order for it to be made.

Anyway I've said this before but all the weird cisnormative jokes aside, being unironicaly "misandrist" is actually not good!/srs

This isn't to say that it's bad to hate cis men for their misogyny or that any kind of reverse oppression exists but like...? You're defining your ideology by hating men as a whole and everyone who IDs as a man. But many men are oppressed by people who ID as misandrists.

If you're a white woman, men of color aren't oppressing you.

If you're a cis woman, trans men aren't oppressing you. [Edit: on the basis of gender that is. Obviously it is possible for trans men to have other privileges over cis women such as white privilege or abled privilege. They don't have male privilege tho is my point.]

And white cis men aren't harmed by misandry, obviously, but literally any other marginalized men are? Because the whole ideology involves weaponizing mens marginalized identities against them, there is currently no way to avoid that in the current discourses people are having.

And there's also the unaddressed issue that misandry is closely tied to terf ideology. There's a reason self IDed misandrists keep accidentally rbing terf posts and have to be reminded. And it's really fucking weird how cis women will be told that their rbed post that are shit like "Men are inherently abusive and invasive and horrible" were actually made by a terf and will be like "oh I'm sorry I thought this was about men, ill delete it" and then??? Find more of the same shit without thinking about why terfs think like that? (See: because they simplify concepts like misogyny to "men = bad and women = good" and then apply a transphobic misgendering view to that and are radicalized against trans women as a result.)

Things like "man" and "woman" are constructs, that doesn't mean they hold no meaning, but they don't even remotely = experience. For example the statement "men don't experience misogyny" is incorrect. Trans men experience misogyny because to cis men they're perceived as women, not all trans men pass as cis men enough to not experience misogyny, and people can ID as a man and as a woman at the same time. It simply is not simple enough to be reduced to something like misandry.

For example when you say "I hate men and that includes trans men, they're men so they're bad. Trans women are okay though" (a take I see a lot) not only is this very transphobic against trans men but also excludes all the Bigender and multigender/genderfluid trans women and TMA nonbinary people who ID as both a trans woman and a man. They do in fact exist. You do not understand the trans communities like you think you do.

Basically, I get it. There's nothing wrong with punching up at abusers. But the "misandrist" view has nothing to do with punching up, it's headed by white cis women who are taking out the trauma experienced due to cis white men onto other marginalized people.

Listen to all trans people. Not just the ones who fit your view of womanhood enough to be "one of you". Stop being transphobic and otherwise bigoted and realize that this isn't the epic girlboss moment you think it is.

Anyway don't reblog this it's going to get flooded by terfs probably because they don't like it when I say this stuff lmao. (Which should be telling on its own that when I speak about how misandry is a harmful ideology the main people attacking it are terfs)

But if you're cis especially if you're a white cis woman I want you to think about this. You deserve to be able to set boundaries and feel safe too and misogyny is a serious and horrible thing to experience but all you're doing is lashing out at people who experience the same or similar oppression. You're not helping yourself or anyone else, please evaluate this and try to treat your trauma from misogynists in a healthier way.

Okay so... I'm making another post again about this (CW for mentions of Biphobia and transphobia):

Only it's not ABOUT this but it's about what I as a queer ACTUALLY care about in terms of rep and such. Real quick I will say that as much I do agree with SOME of these being bad fancanons for being negative/stereotypical whatever I ALSO think claiming some of these as outright harmful is a bit much & grasping at straws a bit.

Anyway moving on, right now I'm seeing specific Lesbians are harassing the writer of the new Harley Quinn Comic eat, bang, kill tour because they wrote her as Bisexual... not a decision the writer made herself but something that was WRITTEN into the original show that the comic is following.

Like... I'm sorry but first things first based on facts if you know anything about Poison ivy before recent depictions she has been heavily represented/written/depicted as straight, I don't believe if she's ever 100% stated as such but... come on, no straight people were back then, media still doesn't feel the need to state characters as hetero because our society very much does the whole "assumed straight unless stated otherwise." And Poison ivy, in certain depictions ive seen at least, comes off VERY much as for the male gaze and I know lesbians are used this way often BUT this isn't as often in certain media like comics (or wasn't common) where they usually would prefer them be open to men so the demographic they care about can fantasize about being with the character.

Second, this IS definitely being fueled by racism since the writer is Black woman (not mention also queer & disabled) and so far the people responding have been white or at least one of the main ones is.

Third, this is just another one those things that to me REALLY shows how Biphobic certain parts of the Lesbian community can get.

Like I'm sorry, what I'm about to type of probably going make some upset and scream "lesbophobia" but I HAVE to share because I can't be the only one who feels this way... I feel wary around Lesbians online sometimes, not because of any stereotypes but because I've SEEN how openly, some Ive followed even in the past, are to complain about us (Bi+) people and openly explain how they DONT want to share spaces with Bi woman. Look I get wanting to hangout with people just like you, BUT its weird how quickly some Lesbians are to want to discard us and not relate to us because we possibly may like, talk about, be in relationships with men and it's even MORE weird that that's a determent to y'all even though these same types of lesbians make their whole identity/community dependant on men (I'm sorry but even if it's specifically about hating men ur still at the end of the day... making it seem like ur sexuality/community hinges on men) and not you know... loving woman.

I've seen some Lesbians complain about how they need Lesbian ('only' heavily implied) bars and how its annoying that bi woman go to them. And countless of stories of Bi woman being shunned, turned down for being Bi, no I'm not saying that is so awful Lesbians don't want to "sleep" with us (why the parentheses? eh just that I'm not going to assume ALL anyone wants to do after meeting in a bar is to fuck it's probably a good chunk of the time but not 100%) I'm saying it's pretty Biphobic, bigoted, etc to turn someone down JUST for being Bi, you obviously only have a problem with Bi people being Bi.

And also yes we do get hurt because duh its Biphobia but we also are ultimately glad to know because we wouldn't want to sleep with Biphobic people anyway we just want y'all to acknowledge it for what it is, a bigoted prejudice, no not a boundary but a Biphobic preference. I know a lot won't get that and scream "it's a boundary, it's a boundary!" and I don't know if they do this to Bi woman who say it but if this was about Trans woman they would also add "you just want to rape, coerce, harass Lesbians into sleeping with you" & usually paired with plenty of misgendering. I feel like I have seen it but only more so in terms of gold star lesbian rhetoric instead of terf rhetoric.

Either way, it just kind of sad, frustrating and annoying that Bi+, trans, etc can't DARE to bring this stuff up without being called Lesbophobic (just using this term would get me harassed & called a bigot on Twitter because it "contains a slur") because we SHOULD be allowed to bring up stuff that hurts us but we can't because LGBTQIA people seem to have this unspoken hierarchy of who gets cared about, believed, listened to first and it's definitely seems based on the order of the letters in the alphabet soup.

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But anyway yeah, I have a hard time taking the post I shared an image of above seriously when stuff like I wrote above is going on. Yes I do think being critical of fandom in terms of bigotry is important, ESPECIALLY racism because that honestly is one of the BIGGEST problems since fandom is dominated mostly by white people (specifically women & queer people) however... I don't think the above is a decent example of that, it condenses the issues and leaves out so much needed nuance and such (yes this is cropped so it doesn't include some of the other additions to it but tbf from what I remember it didn't really add nuance, just clarifyed what the first post was doing).

For example, a Bi person headcanoning a character Bi a majority of the time should not be considered Biphobic, even if the character is a negative stereotype PLENTY of people do this as a way to reclaim the character from the bigotry that was written with it. Or the above, if someone hc's a character who is a badass as Bi there shouldn't be an issue. Now if a Bi person hc's others like the above there MIGHT be an issue then. Also, not to mention that identities intersect, if a pan ace person want to hc certain characters a certain way that could be stereotypical should we label them xphobic regardless of their identify?

I just think the original post it too vague and paints all fandom hc the same regardless of who is making them and like I said before, while this can be a problem I have more of an issue with this new trend of shutting down others hc because others claim the character even though the characters specific id is never said & thus should be open to anyone (example: Lesbians claiming its bigoted or get upset at others for hc a character as Bi that they hc as Lesbian even though the character was originally written straight or is very heavily straight coded and/or had relationships with men). Also fandoms erasing characters identities that are outright stated or implied is ALSO a huge thing I find to be more of a problem then the above post (examples: Luz Noceda from Owl house is stated by the creator as being Bi but people are calling her/them (her & her girlfriend) lesbians; another one that I feel is SORT of a problem but I also can't 100% condemn people who do this because the show doesn't help with continuing to be vague about it is Bob Belcher & him being hinted at being Bi but is erased by straight and gay(LG) fans as being straight).

Also I don't apologize for all of my examples being about Bi people, biphobia, etc because I am Bi so that is what I know and experience first and foremost!

1. It really bothers me people use LGBT people to deflect criticism. No spoilers, but The Last of Us 2 has story issues. A lot of confusing writing decisions and overall lackluster compared to the first. It's a disappointment for me. A group of people don't like the game because it has lesbians and trans characters. Those people are shitty. Problem is people group all critics of the game as those bigots when there is legit criticism from people who aren't those bigots.

Ngl, finding that balance is really hard. Like: 

Me: Hmm. First 100% canonical queer character is the would-be murderer of her crush’s parents and uses those unrequited feelings as an excuse for her actions. That makes me very uncomfortable 

Others: Oh, so you hate lesbians and bi women. I get it. 

Me: I am a bi woman?? Which is why I’d like some representation that’s not all doom and gloom. I get that it’s a preference but it’s still a valid one. Not all of us want “problematic” rep but rather something more loving and stable. Like Blake and Yang. I think they could be really good moving forward

Others: They absolutely could not. Here’s an extensive list of every way that their romance has been “forced” on the viewers. They single-handedly ruined RWBY

Me: Okay Number One, there isn’t actually a canonical relationship yet so I don’t think we should be discussing their situation like there is--

Others: OH so you’re one of those aphobic critics who just ignore all the buildup and coding we’ve gotten. It’s not a “real” relationship unless you kiss, huh? 

Me: No! I’m saying that RWBY hasn’t given us anything irrefutable, something to get the bigots off our backs. I 100% believe that the coding reads as romantic but if we never go past coding that’s going to turn into queer baiting, something we’ve been criticizing for years. This need for canonization doesn’t exclude the potential for any sexuality, including making one or both of them ace, but RT needs to have them come out in some way in order to solidify that rep. The “Dumbledore was always gay” argument isn’t enough for 2020.

Others: Do you have any idea how rare it is to have a lesbian or bi relationship in media?? Of course they need to kiss. You claiming they don’t just proves how out of touch you are.

Me: ...okay, can we just agree that it’s impossible for one ship to please everyone and this is why we need LOTS and LOTS and LOTS of representation so that two characters aren’t trying to shoulder the weight of everyone’s identity? We’re moving on. Number Two, Blake/Yang has been no more “forced” than thousands of straight ships out there. If we can accept a guy and a girl being madly in love after looking at each other once, why does a queer couple need a dissertation’s worth of evidence to “prove” that love? 

Also Me, a Volume Later: Hey, I love Blake/Yang but they’re caught up in this whole “protagonists can do no wrong” theme which means that not only are they written as really co-dependent but that co-dependence has led them to making reckless choices without consulting others. Can we maybe let them talk to the other team members? Learn from their mistakes? The relationship - when we hopefully get it - will read as much more healthy and compelling if we let them grow as characters. Here I’m criticizing the depiction of a (potentially) queer relationship, not arguing over whether that relationship has a right to exist at all. Sure, queer characters have the right to be written “badly” just like their straight counterparts, but considering RWBY as its own, autonomous story, don’t we want the writing to be the best it can be? I don’t need to be a world renowned pastry chef to “justify” making a cake. The cake is allowed to be shitty. But wouldn’t I want to try and improve my baking skills if given the chance? Surely we can give queer characters the same pass straight couples get while also pointing out ways to improve their depiction? 

Others: Ah ha! You do hate them! 

Sadly it’s a lose-lose, anon. If you support queer ships you get backlash. If you criticize the writing of queer ships you get backlash. I’ve gotten angry messages about it all. All you can really do is listen when you feel it’s warranted, stick to your beliefs when it’s not, and block/delete at your discretion :/

(Also I’ve been meaning to play The Last of Us at some point so that’s something to look forward to now lol) 

y’know i thought r/GenderCritical users DIDN’T indoctrinate their children .

Ways to talk about trans people with kids:

Be compassionate and caring;

listen to and answer questions they have, ask them why they think what they think;

stress that calling a trans person by the name and pronouns they tell you to isn’t just nice, it’s basic respect;

teach them that gender roles and stereotypes are bullshit and that they can be whoever and whatever they want to be.

Be knowledgeable and factual in what you tell them; take ten fucking minutes to research what people who have studied this for years have to say

Treat your child like a person instead of forcing them to be a miniature version of themselves.

How TERFs apparently talk to their children about trans people: whatever the fuck the following is, i guess.

Oh boy.

Y’know, school also teaches about a lot of these things...y’know...just saying.

(This isn’t terrible. Yet. My parents DIDN’T teach me and my brothers a lot of things. They didn’t ever show themselves as open to even considering it. I had to learn a lot of what I learned from school, friends, and questionable online sources. It kept me from being comfortable about my sexuality and unaware that I was trans for years.)

Welp, okay the , guess everything above was a fuckin’ lie, then.

Let’s go over a few points in this smorgasbord of failure, then:

“Reality and delusions” - Nowhere in the DSM-V is being transgender mentioned as a delusion. Gender dysphoria is, but “delusion” is not one of the diagnostic criteria.

“History of what a trans person was 39 years ago” Ah, yes, because cis people are known to be excellent and respectful about trans people and our very rich, colorful history.

“Trans trend” - Same thing was said about being gay/lesbian/bisexual/queer/anything beyond AGGRESSIVELY HETEROSEXUAL into the early 2000’s. Gay people gained the right to marry not even five years ago. Yet somehow that’s...not even mentioned. Okay then.

“lack of medical gatekeeping” - in the UK there is a waiting list to even get an appointment to see if you are transgender. Even here in the States, access to care that empowers and allows trans people to make their own decisions about their own bodies depends on local access and state laws. Trust me, medical gate keeping is still an issue in the US. And even then, there are other limitations - surgery costs, hormone costs, therapy costs.

“[lots of BS about sex reassignment surgery”...y’know what, I’m curious as to what she said about why people get SRS. I’m sure it wa unbiased, respectful, and totally not a misrepresentation from the perspective of a cis person who can’t even begin to understand what we struggle with. /s

So, just curious:

How hard do you guys think this happened? Hard enough to mention it on r/thathappened? I mean my little brothers TOTALLY TALKED LIKE THAT WHEN THEY WERE TWELVE.

look I’m a trans dude i am not shy about having a vajoojoo and tits. No lie, for the first time since my...early 20’s I think, I went to a gynecologist last year because I give a fuck about my plumbing for once in my goddamn life. i’m not a woman though.

I don’t behave differently now from when I was pre-transition, aside from being emotionally stable, no longer hurting myself, having healthier coping methods and just...basically living a better life. Not without struggle, but there’s very little that is.

(Also fellow trans cultists who’s turn is it to wait behind corners for sixth graders so we can ambush them and brainwash them into joining the Trans Hivemind? I lost my schedule.)

“My child is now just as hateful, afraid, and as bigoted as I am towards people who are different, particularly trans feminine people! Parenthood: NAILED IT.”

...this is getting its own post over on @terfs-hate-trans-men because it’s just so fucking vile the way TERFs treat their trans AFAB kids.

She treats her son with more respect than her own fucking AFAB trans kid.

So much for prioritizing (those they perceive to be) women, I guess.

Ko-Fi Commission: LeaseBound

Leasebound is a “gender-critical” (TERF) webcomic that attained notoriety after releasing a chapter with hateful depictions of trans people, leading to it getting banned from Smack Jeeves. It’s currently self-hosted on a comic press site without a cast page, archive, or even menu, and doesn’t appear to have a patreon (and likely won’t, given its content). It’s a small enough comic that I wouldn’t normally feel comfortable reviewing it, except that the creator explicitly encouraged me to and appears to be getting off on the bad press. 

The story starts with two characters finding out that they both rented the same apartment because the landlord was incompetent and double booked it.

And this particular landlord doesn’t have any other rooms available. There’s a host of logical objections to this set up, such as

Isn’t this fraud on the part of the landlord?

Wouldn’t a major deception like this void the lease?

Why don’t the women move to some other landlord’s apartment and sue the shit out of the woman who sold them a single apartment and surprised them with a roommate?

How does a huge apartment complex with at least 18 rooms have two people booking rooms that don’t talk to each other?

Is the groundskeeper also doing the paperwork and background checks? You don’t buy an apartment at the apartment store, it’s like a whole process.

Isn’t this just the fanfic “but there was only one bed!” trope taken to an even more illogical extreme?

But that road leads to becoming CinemaSins, so let’s just acknowledge that the premise is ludicrous and all the characters are morons so we can move on with our lives. Anyway, the characters introduce themselves as Jaden and Riley, and casually accept sharing a bedroom. They exposit a bit about how Jaden dropped out of college and Riley never went, and

Uh

RILEY: Sorry- I wasn’t trying to pry. JADEN: All good. Earlier you said you had a “few things” in mind RILEY: Right, yeah! I thought it was be good to set some ground rules. JADEN: You can add’ “more organised” to the list then too. Haha. RILEY: Wait, really?  JADEN: Stories for another time

What the fuck? What list? What is Jaden talking about? Why is there an apostrophe hanging out after “add”?

You know how in PS1 JRPGs the translation would be really bad and sometimes people would just say weird shit that didn’t seem to have anything to do with what was just said?

That’s how Leasebound dialogue reads, bizarre punctuation and all. The add’ with an apostrophe is baffling, but I also like how “Haha.” is it’s own sentence with a period at the end.

 Anyway, the rest of the chapter is about how Riley owns a cat but has to keep it a secret because she doesn’t know if the landlord allows pets and I guess didn’t think to ask when she was applying for the lease.

So, the status quo is established. Jaden and Riley wanted to buy a single apartment but got foisted with a roommate, but they’re happy because that means the rent is cheaper. Personally if I wanted a cheaper apartment and was willing to have a roommate I’d get an apartment with a roommate in the first fucking place but we really can’t keep complaining about how stupid the premise is we have to move on. So Jaden is in the living room and, hold on, sorry

This living room is massive. The kitchen has a fridge, and oven, and two matching sofas. In chapter 2 Riley’s going to fit in a four-seat table in here. This is supposed to be a studio apartment in Downtown City

Y’know, City. Not any particular specific real or fictional city with a name, but City.

And Jaden and Riley, neither of whom have college degrees, are so hard up for cheaper rent that they’re comfortable with the surprise revelation of having to share a bedroom with a stranger. But they’re also in a huge apartment in the middle of a metro area? This living room is nearly as big as mine, and I have three roommates and live in Cheaper Suburb. Why are you buying all this space at City square foot prices if money is tight? Get a smaller apartment, or if you really need the space get an apartment that’s not in the middle of City? The author of this comic is 23, has she not looked into getting an apartment? Bigger ones are more expensive.

Okay, okay, the premise is dumb. Let’s move on. Riley and Jaden make sm-

Why are you sharing a tiny bedroom if your Living room is party sized and has multiple sofas? Why not partition off some of the living room with room dividers from IKEA to make a faux bedroom with privacy?

Ahem, Riley and Jaden make small talk and order a pizza and it takes a long time and it’s not super interesting but it’s supposed to be cute and I can’t really fault a slice of life comic for taking its time. Riley’s worried that her girlfriend won’t like that she has a roommate (Riley why don’t you move in with your girlfriend?), and Jaden gets a call from work that they’re shortstaffed.

They’re so short-staffed that they’re going to send an employee out to go pick up Jaden. Can Jaden not get to work on her own? That seems like the kind of thing that would make her not want to move in to this specific apartment. Why would you move to an apartment that you couldn’t get to work from? You’re in the middle of City, and your job is a big nightclub in City, and City has public transit. You previously did not live in City, meaning you used to live further away from work than you now do. How did you get to work before? Isn’t picking up a Jaden a tremendous waste of an employee’s time? Even if the club is aware that Jaden can’t get in on her own and is willing to bend over backwards for her here, why not “Jaden, we need you at work pronto. Take a uber over, we’ll reimburse you”, which is dramatically easier for all involved? Why is everyone in this comic so fucking stupid?

Sigh

Well, Jaden goes to work, and that leads us off into the infamous chapter 3, “The T is for trouble”

We open the chapter with a bad-faith trigger warning that looks like a real content warning but is actually designed to get trans people really mad as Jaden heads to work and-

Hey hey, Rusty started putting links to her tumblr in the comic pages. Someone was expecting pages from this chapter to go viral, wasn’t she? Was the chapter where Riley and Jaden spend a few pages ordering a pizza not giving you enough engagement? But now that you’re the official #2 Terf Webcomic you get lots of angry people in your tags that you can reblog and be snarky at. Bet that makes you feel powerful. I know the feeling. I built my tumblr following by writing reviews and advice columns for five years, but you went from zero to hero in like a week and all you had to do was say mean things about trans people oh my god I figured it out

You’re Mary. Rusty Hearts is Mary Bradford from Dumbing of Age. You want the validation of the “wrong” kind of people giving you shit. That’s why you made sure all your transphobic comics had links to your tumblr and your getting pizza comics didn’t. That’s why you keep reblogging my ads for my comic that I place in your tags. That’s why you see me post the review and make a response like this

And you know what?

Nah.

I’m not going to include chapter 4. I’m not going to read it. I’m not even going to include chapter 3. There’s nothing that I can add to it that hasn’t been said by a ton of other people. I can post your anti-trans stuff and get the vapors about how bigoted you are, but at the end of the day I’m not the Social Justice Report. I’m The Webcomics Review. And your webcomic sucks. It’s boring, it’s stupid, it doesn’t make any sense. Your premise is ludicrous and quickly abandoned to bait and switch people into reading a political polemic (I did skim chapter four, it’s literally people standing around in a circle talking about how trans people are bad like a terfy Ayn Rand novel). Your characters are all morons in order to get to plot points you want to get to, and your first two chapters are a mountain of pointless exposition and characters being vaguely cryptic about their backstories.Your art is bad not just in that you can’t draw well, but in that you don’t bother to include details to give your world a sense of place, and the details you do include like that luxurious living room actively undermine your alleged story (to the extent that there’s a story at all).

But hey, you got your 15 minutes of fame (and zero patreonbux) from the anti-trans stuff. You got people to read your comic. Good hussle. Well done. Tatsuya Ishida does it better.

Leasebound gets zero genders out of a spectrum.

Like this review? Follow me on patreon, or buy me a Ko-Fi! Or even just read my own webcomic, Saffron and Sage!

There are sexual harassers, assaulters, and rapists out there. Far more than will ever be reported. Far more than will ever be convicted. This is not a joke, and it is borne of a society which allows men to skate through life on blades of toxic masculinity over the slippery surface of privilege.

Men hate the phrase toxic masculinity. They think it means we are decrying anything that makes a man manly. This is not the case. We are defending your right to be manly, because you are a man. Even if you cry. Even if you don’t like sex. Even if you defy gender roles. Toxic masculinity is a set of expectations for men that have permeated generations, causing young boys to be raised to believe that that are not responsible for their own actions and that they must always be stoic. Men are brought up to believe that they are entitled to a women because that’s how things go: men are attracted to all attractive women and every woman in her right mind must be attracted to you too, because you are strong and manly and you have earned her respect simply by the virtue of being a man. And if you do not subscribe to these values, you are seen as less than. Under the ideals of toxic masculinity, men are shamed for or restricted from being gay, being trans, not sleeping around, having open and communicative relationships, being “just” friends with a woman, reaching out for help, acknowledging insecurity, expressing emotion, even liking a fucking color or a fruity drink.

It also has permeated generations of women, who have been told to wear longer skirts or a top with sleeves because boys will be distracted in school. It has affected women who have come forward to say that they have been violated, and yet no one will believe them. It affects women who want to be independent. It affects all women who have any form of a relationship with a man, be it familial, friendly, sexual, or romantic. For these women are expected to bear the emotional weight of human connection. It has affected every woman who has ever been told they were too emotional, despite the fact that many men have been brainwashed into emotional constipation that builds up until their feelings explode over the people they care about. It affects everyone.

And we all know about the effects that our society’s views on what it means to be a man has on the truly corrupted men. The ones who take these values and use them as excuses to violate women and men and children. We know about the rapists and the assaulters and the harassers (though many still seem to think it’s okay to turn a blind eye).

But we don’t talk enough about the everyday men. We don’t talk enough about the ones who still think it’s funny to make jokes about “go make me a sandwich” even though they’re overall not too bad. We don’t talk enough about the ones who don’t go ballistic when they’re rejected, they just get all passive aggressive and distance themselves. We don’t talk enough about the ones who won’t buy their wives and daughters pads or tampons. We don’t talk enough about the fathers who feel they have a right to “protect” their daughters from a perfectly healthy sex life. We don’t talk enough about the men who say they can’t watch that movie, it’s just for chicks. We don’t talk enough about the men who don’t know how to respond when a man comes out, or when a woman has a breakdown, or when a male friend wants to have a deep and meaningful conversation. We don’t talk enough about the men who we have deemed “not bad enough” to talk about.

Because they’re not bad. They are a product of circumstance. They haven’t done anything completely awful or illegal, so we brush it off. But therein lies the danger of toxic masculinity and sexism. It is not some mythical dark force of evil threat reaches into the hearts of men and turns them bad. It’s an ingrained belief system that most of the time produces some of these smaller faults in the actions of each of these otherwise good people. However, a stubborn adherence to its values and a culmination of all of the faults in one man leads to sexual assault, extreme violence, and hatred of anything perceived as “other.”

These normal men, the ones who are being judged by a lower bar, are capable of change. They have not done anything grossly wrong, simply adhered to what has been taught to them and it has made others uncomfortable. And there lies the need for feminism and equality (words which are synonyms, but have recently been perceived as otherwise by the eyes of toxic masculinity).

I have two brothers. They’re wonderful people. They have good hearts. They wouldn’t even do most of the shit I listed above. They’re both in loving relationships in which they treat their girlfriends with respect and care. They both cry on a regular basis. They both consistently have deep, meaningful, emotional conversations with others (including myself). They both wear pink, and care about their hair and clothes at least a little. They both are really sympathetic about my period and have gotten me Midol, tampons, and heating pads when I needed them. They both like rom-coms. They’re literally two of the most genuinely kind, thoughtful, generous, and loving people I’ve ever known.

And yet. They have these little things that have been taught to them. They think “toxic masculinity” means “men are awful.” They’ve definitely made judgmental comments about girls’ appearances before. They’re hesitant to believe that the effects of sexism reach as far as they do. They will stand up for any woman they know, they would never be actively sexist, and they would comfort and protect any woman who told them she had been violated. But they still think harassment is exaggerated. Stephen once proposed extended paternity leave during a discussion about the wage gap, as though it was a nonsensical idea, even though he’s expressed the idea that he might like to stay at home with his kids one day since he wants to be a writer and could do that from home. Nick once said that of course he doesn’t know how to sew up a hole in his pants, he’s a guy, so he asked me to do it. So I showed him how. Stephen and I have discussions about feminism and male privilege all the time, and he has made humongous steps of progress and come around on a lot of things, even if not 100%. Nick has stopped making “light-hearted” jokes he made as a stupid teenager because I told him they were offensive. I haven’t heard either one of them appraise a woman by her looks except to tell me how beautiful they think their girlfriends are in years.

Men are not inherently bad, which seems like a thing so obvious to say, but I just want to say it anyway. And they’re capable of change, and improvement, just as all humans are with all their flaws and all the faults that we have learned from society. This is why we need feminism. We need people to recognize that these are learned behaviors and ideals that can be unlearned. Because I will go to my grave believing that people are good. We make mistakes and we fuck up and we are formed by circumstance and sometimes some people don’t come back from that. But right there at the beginning, there is no inherent evil, throughout life, we do not become destined for corruption. People are good. Men are people, and when raised the right way and forced to confront the culture of sexism, they are good and capable of improvement.

This cancel culture we have subscribed to is ridiculous because it denies that people are good and doesn’t allow for growth. Some people are not to be trusted. I get it. And I get that there are things in this world that perhaps can not be forgiven. And there will always be people we can choose not to be associated with because of their choices. But the little mistakes? The medium mistakes? The behaviors we were raised to exhibit? Why on earth would you want to shun someone for those instead of trying to help them grow? People can learn from their mistakes, apologize, and become more aware and just. Why try to make someone’s life worse and call it justice when you could help someone make up for their actions while making the world a better place for all the people they know? And it would be a ripple effect.

Be a feminist. Change the world, one smaller issue at a time. Correct men. Correct women. Correct anyone of any gender. And let this apply to other corrupt systematic beliefs, like racism, homophobia, class discrimination, islamophobia, transphobia, all of it. Eliminate bigotry not by eliminating the bigots altogether, but by showing them how to unlearn their bias.

Racism is real.

Excuse me for this, but I need to say something about what’s going on concerning these issues like that Karen and George Lynch. I will be real blunt here. If this offends you, don’t read it. First, Imma say this, there’s no such thing as post-racial America. Racism has always been here, but why? One if you think that racism exists because people talk about, you’re stupid af. Does Firemen talking fires create more fires? No. So stop that.

As said by the quote, racism is about power, not morality. That’s why racism stays afloat in this country because it actually benefits it. Racism is privilege/predujice plus power. You must have power to be racist. Racism is about a system that favors one race over others. Racism is about targeting marginalized races through institutional violence or discrimination. Lynchings, blackface, segregated buildings, gerrymandering, racial violence and killings, gentrification, not serving marginalized races, workplace discrimination, persecution of immigrants, police violence, assimilation, economic/income inequality, mass imprisonment, racial profiling, sacred land being disrespected, poor environmental/economic/working conditions are examples. Our government is responsible for keeping racism alive, from the beginning to right now. They either supported it, let it happened, or did nothing. The 13th Amendment never ended racism nor did integration. I’m all for desegregation, but the push for integration was a waste because it did nothing to protect us (Black people) from racism, it just assimilated us. You can’t integrate without any social or economic justice. MLK warned us about it.

If we’re living in a post racial society, why are there still, KKK, Neo Nazis, and all types of fascists and white supremacists running around? Why are there still places that are segregated? I see this a lot in my home state Mississippi, and other southern states. And it’s not just there, it’s everywhere. There is just as much racism and segregation in other regions like the Midwest and the Pacific States. For example, progressive cities like Portland, Seattle, Austin, San Francisco, NYC, Boston and yes Minneapolis have racism. Why are worshipping racist imagery like the CONfederacy (it’s dead and no more), plantations, famous people that we known racists this includes politicians and presidents? We still have the issues of racism like the aforementioned ways of institutional violence and discrimination still going on and our government (alluvem) did nothing. They’ve let the beast grow stronger and it’s gonna continue until we stop it.

What I need to add about racism being still alive is that its been normalized and/or no one gave a damn about it. Racism is more than just hating on skin color or calling people racist slurs, stop looking at the Webster definition. Racism is also about ways how to support the racist system. Examples: Falsely calling the police, supporting a reason why a Black person or POC should get killed, policing Black people/POC on racism, denying racism, fetishizing us and our culture, complaining about us winning awards and pageants, getting roles that are usually reserved for whites, stereotyping, and moving on up in the workplace, All Lives Matter, what about Black on Black crime despite every race doing some crime, okaying removal of Indigenous land, supporting racist politicians, branding nonChristians as terrorists, supporting that immigrants should be treated terribly because they crossed the border despite the fact that this country is originally Indigenous land, angry about the kneeling protests, putting MLK in yo mouth, wisecracking jokes about us like something about welfare or unemployment, saying words like thugs, animals, ghetto, criminals to describe Black folks, issa lot. Here’s a pyramid too.

But what about racism by Black people? Don’t be silly. We can be douches to y’all, but we (along with Indigenous people) can’t be racist to y’all because we don’t have the power to actively discriminate against y’all. If you want reverse discrimination, then look at Planet of the Apes. The apes are rulers of their planet, while the humans are oppressed. That’s what it looks like.

Now on the Karen (Imma call her on that) and George Lynch. So the Karen had the audacity to call the police on Christian Cooper because she couldn’t control her dog. This is a historical problem. Women like her have accused Black men of harming them, when it was a lie, and it got Black people killed. Emmett Till, Tulsa riots, Rosewood, Scotsboro Case, the Central Park Five are examples. On George Lynch, it was murder by the police. Police violence is institutional because it’s made to target marginalized people especially Black and Brown people, women, poor people, immigrants, LBGT people especially trans people (the ones y’all treat like garbage, despite the fact that all they wanna do is live life), and it’s not a few bad seeds, it’s a majority. There are cops that are good people, but that don’t mean anything. And the riots that happen, it’s not an act of recklessness, it’s a rebellion. Riots been happening since ever. There were riots when MLK was killed, the Vietnam War happening, when Black people were getting killed or brutalized by the police like Rodney King (LA), Mike Brown (Ferguson), Freddie Gray (Baltimore), and now George Lynch (Minneapolis). If you can’t put 1 and 1 together, then you’re the problem. These riots are because they’re angry at the system that keep targeting people like them. Keep in mind that these people are targeting corporations and the state not people. It really shows that you care about property than human lives. BTW, where’s all that energy for Tulsa and Rosewood, the KKK, Rioting over sports, Rioting over that creepy coach from Penn State, and those anti-quarantine protestors with racist imagery who’s armed with guns and been blocking ambulances? I don’t see y’all saying anything bout them. This also ties into other issues. Y’all have a problem with rebellious violence, but not a problem with going to another country and destroying it?

I’m so dang tired, y’all and stuff like this happens not just the people who do it, but the people who refuse to acknowledge it or do nothing about it. Look at the quote above. If y’all ain’t gonna do anything about it, you’ve chosen a side. Lemme tell y’all something, your ignorance, apathy, apologism, colorblindless tone policing, and reactionary behavior contributes to stuff like this. If ain’t gonna be anti-racist, then sit down and shut up. Stop with this crap like I don’t see color or we’re the same. Our race matters. We ain’t the same as you. We’re different from you. We don’t have the same luxuries and lifestyles as you. Stop thinking we can make it far as you. We got blocks in our way. You don’t.

All the things that I’ve mentioned about concerning racism is why we kneel (I see nothing wrong with it). Y’all upset with people kneeling, but y’all think that all types bigots and reactionary trash should have free speech. Rioting happens because of injustice against marginalized people. If you can’t see that, you’re lost. As Malcolm X said, the chickens are coming home to roost. What about all that stuff they’ve taken? Screw dat stuff. These multi-millionaire and billionaire companies got the money to save themselves. Property can be replaced, not human lives. Speaking of that, why ain’t you mad that these corporations have doubled, tripled their wealth during this crisis?

Now to allies because Imma see who y’all riding with. One of the worse things you can do is center yourselves or one of your kinfolk into issues like this. It’s not about you. If y’all are all talk, no action then you fake as hell. If you doing this cuz you saw the video, then it’s not genuine because you had all time to do so. If you see someone being racist or just being a huge reactionary ass, CALL THEM OUT ON IT! It’s time to hold these people accountable or if they can’t comply, cancel them. If you see someone doing something to Black people, stop em. There’s Google, y’all need to look up the history of Black people not only in America, but the world, because anti-Blackness is global. This includes Indigenous people too. Understand how colonialism work because that’s how stuff like this happens. Support Black people financially such as Mutual Aids, helping out when they’re down financially, and sending money to Black owned anything. The founder of Little Ceaser’s helped paid for Rosa Parks’ living. Fight for better working, living conditions for us. If you see something wrong, speak out. Don’t be a white savior. You ain’t doing this for validity. You’re doing this because it’s what you’re supposed to do. Don’t listen to the media, because they’re full of lies (alluvem). I’m finished y’all. Here some more quotes:

How do you stop being a Terf? (This is a serious question)

Lee says:

That’s a hard one. First, I would also recommend unfollowing all TERF blogs, even if you were mutuals. I’d personally block the blogs, but just unfollowing would work- and get out of terf-y online spaces.

It takes time and effort to deradicalize yourself- our Ally resources has some info on stuff you can do as an ally, but I’d say the first step is using people’s pronouns, respecting their identity, and staying in your own lane about trans things- even if you don’t understand why someone is identifying the way that they do, you should accept that it’s their experience and their label and move on. 

Followers, please add on with more suggestions!

Followers say:

butterscotch-veins said: ive seen a little bit from other blogs that have since been wrongfully shut down during the whole tumblr purge thing, but theyve gotten this same question a lot and basically: it’s a process. it’s listening to trans people-trans women, trans men, and nonbinary people-and believing what they say about their own experiences, and understanding that not all people experience gender identity the same way. and it’s also learning to recognize when people are arbitrarily prescribing roles and ways of being to others, or otherwise shaming someone for ‘fitting stereotypes’, and then it gets you on the way to thinking in less, well, radfem-y ways

gaystarwarscharacter said: uh I would recommend following trans people on social media and reading up on transgender issues! the more educated you are the easier it is to understand where we’re coming from and unlearn toxicity

shadytsun said: Read and learn about trans people experiences , take your time to deconstrusct these issues

heardofbees said: Ask yourself why you previously believed(or acted as though) trans people should be excluded from your kindness and respect.

anon said: Hey terf anon, If you are considering the issues trans people face, and you are saying that you don’t want to be a terf anymore, i’d say your are already well on your way. keep learning! talk to trans folks, and listen! It is really hard to break a bigoted train of thought, and many people don’t even think to try to change, let alone try! You’ll be fine with empathy and compassion. just keep growing.

snakeonbread said: I just wanted to say I’m really proud of the terf anon! I’m glad you are recognizing hate is wrong! If you want to talk to a non-binary person I can help!

hyperandrogenism said: its important that you consider intersex people too! look at how many terf talking points like saying women instead of people with ovaries would harm intersex people,  how terf language like calling trans women “y chromos” (one i saw once) is intersexist, how sex is a spectrum, etc

bullet-farmer said: Okay, anon. I’m going to respond in good faith because I truly believe you are asking in good faith. I am not transgender, but I am nonbinary, and since TERFs often target enbies too, I feel like I have at least some of the equipment to answer you.

The process of unlearning hatred, dislike, or misplaced anger at a group of people is both as easy and as complex as it seems. Here is what I would do.

1. First, start with yourself. Ask yourself what you believe about trans people (I’m using “trans” as an umbrella term here; I am also including anyone who doesn’t fall along the male-female, cisgender binary when I say it). Write these down. Then ask yourself where you think you learned these things. If you don’t have a solid answer–provided you, unlike me, don’t have major problems with memory–the answer may be as obvious as “unlearned hatred from society at large’s treatment of trans people.” Start here.

2. Tell yourself that you must unlearn these ideas and replace them with more humane, more compassionate, and more healthy ideas if you are to give up TERF/radfem ideology. Make a solid commitment to this. I find that writing down commitments like this can be helpful; so, too, can incorporating them into a ritual or religious practice if you are religious or spiritual.

3. Start to unlearn them. When you feel them pop up in your mind or your speech, stop and challenge yourself. Ask what made the ideas pop into your head–if something turned your thoughts toward them or if they just suddenly appeared. If something made you think of them, what was it?

4. As part of unlearning them and replacing them, start to get to know transgender people as people. Read what they’ve written (books or blogs), watch films by and about trans people. Realize that every trans person is different politically, ideologically, and in how they view being trans. Educate yourself on what being transgender actually is, rather than defaulting to a transphobic idea (e.g. trans women are just “men in dresses”).

5. When you feel as though you’ve done sufficient work on yourself and that you won’t or can’t cause people emotional harm–to the best of your ability; we all cause harm without intending to from time to time–seek out transgender people to befriend and care about. Do not put the onus on them to be friends with you, or treat them like your pet morality project. Again, only do this when you feel ready, and only do it if a friendship seems to come naturally–for example, if you go to pride and end up having a great chat with a transgender person while waiting in line for your ticket, or for getting beer if you’re of drinking age, etc. When you do, remember that trans people are not here to educate you, to validate your struggle, or to cheerlead. They are people, just like you are, and want to be interacted with, with respect and care and without you putting your baggage onto them.

You can also talk to me if you want some things from a nonbinary perspective. My messenger is open, I will not expose your identity or our conversations to anyone, and I will help you all I can. I may not be able to answer some (or many) questions or to help you through some things, but I will do my best. I ask only that you approach me with an open mind, an open heart, and goodwill–and that you are over eighteen as I don’t feel comfortable, at thirty-eight, interacting with anyone younger than that.

Not everyone will want to do this for you, and you should only approach people if they unequivocally and freely offer their time and emotional resources. But I am doing as much. I am always happy when I see that people want to leve destructive mindsets behind and want to help them with that goal in any way that I can. If you PM me and don’t want to talk on Tumblr, I will also give you my email.

Let’s talk, anon. :)

Libraries and room rentals.

I was at a bit of a loss to contribute to the fiasco that is public libraries letting hate groups book their rooms. Mainly because the most important things have already been said:

But, since that blog post went up, something new happened! All credit goes to the law librarian @Jenifesto on Twitter - I saw the case via Sam Popowich:

h/t to law librarian extraordinaire @Jenifesto who actually found the case. https://t.co/DAukfygjUu

— das Gespenst des Kommunismus (@redlibrarian)

October 19, 2019

If you don’t feel like reading CanLii (and really, who does) there’s also an Ottawa Citizen article from September, when the decision came down:

https://ottawacitizen.com/news/local-news/court-upholds-librarys-decision-to-cancel-screening-of-controversial-film

The main points here are: community room rentals are not part of a “library’s core service” and therefore not subject to the same kind of scrutiny that a public institution fulfilling its mandate might normally be. What that apparently means is that a library can book or cancel room rentals at its complete and total discretion, beholden to none.

That means public libraries can write their own room rental policies, adhere to or change said policies at will, and basically ignore anyone who asks them to do otherwise.

In this particular case, OPL cancelled a booking (a film screening) based on a clause in their own room rental policy, which says they have discretion to cancel based on whether an event will or likely will promote hatred. Of course, libraries can reserve the right to cancel any booking at their own discretion, not subject to appeal, etc., if they want to - they can write that into their policies at any time. It will certainly save you the legal fees & committee time on writing the rest of it.

It’s important to note that by OPL's own standard the “will or likely will” was fairly cut and dried given that it was a film screening. You know the full content in advance, you can judge pretty quickly (as the article says, a 30-second googling) how it’s gonna play out. So, this case neatly sidesteps the “What if a convicted Nazi is making the booking? He might not say anything hateful while he’s there! He might not even be a Nazi anymore!” question of the TPL memorial service last year. If your library has a very specific policy written to delicately handle nuance and appear equitable and legally-adherent, rather than a solid “We unilaterally determine your eligibility, period” statement, you may run aground of some of these things.

Were room booking policies before last month written as though room booking is a core library service and therefore subject to the public policy of being open and equitable to all? Yes, they certainly were. Is TPL’s definitely boneheaded and possibly bigoted refusal to hurdle themselves over on to the right side of history a bit silly given this new ruling? Yes, it certainly is.

It’s commendable that a library considers itself to be working to support freedom of expression even in areas where the law does not dictate it do so, but it’s also 2019 and Nazis are everywhere - a very clear and detailed understanding of freedom of expression and its specifics exemptions & Charter overrides is required if you’re going to Do That Work. Some libraries are making it abundantly clear that they’re either ignoring that requirement, or they’re using a semblance of ignorance to pursue a hateful agenda. There really are no excuses at this point: they all have lawyers, and those lawyers all know how to research. The decision to err on the side of “Don’t get sued by fascists” seems particularly chickenshit given TPL is the largest library system in North America and can marshall the resources and support required to fight that fight on behalf of every smaller library, setting a useful and meaningful precedent that will go a lot further than the minor decisions of the many boards and committees their executives sit on. But no matter: Ottawa Public Library did it, and wouldn’t you have it, that handy little decision is going to become inordinately useful to crafting policies from here on out.

TPL's extremely conservative stand has actively damaged its relationship with its patrons, which is extremely irresponsible for whoever is doing the decision-making. Of course, they’ve fully Barbara-Streisand-ed themselves now and are doubling-down on their bad decisions, so there’s nothing to be done about this particular event. But the media shitstorm that’s raining down on them right now is also a precedent of its own, and hopefully smaller libraries can learn from this mistake.

----

Now that the major point is out of the way, let's discuss some interesting tidbits.

What might your library do if you wanted to support and uphold freedom of expression in ways that don't benefit Nazis? Well, there's always teaching yourselves (staff) and then others (the public) about Charter rights! Programming around what does and does not constitute hate speech might be a bit touchy, especially for sharing explicit examples with a variety of audiences, but it's well worth an attempt.

If you can't bring yourself to that level of ambition you can always program and educate more generally. You can teach people how to express themselves and where to do so - online, in petitions, with letters to their elected representatives, by organizing into groups, with press releases, with posters, with self-publishing, with zines!

The other big exception to freedom of expression is defamation. There is LOTS to be learned by everyone here, from the basic definitions and existing court cases to the ongoing issues with SLAPP lawsuits and jurisdictional leniencies. What are some cases where potentially defamatory messages were protected because they were a matter of public importance? How can people protect themselves from SLAPP lawsuits while still speaking on issues of public good? Can the library hook people up with legal help?

These are things that Nazis may benefit from too, but it can't hurt to educate the populace at the same time.

You can also avail yourselves of your Section 15-2 rights to provide affirmative action - to not just provide spaces and services free of discrimination but to offer special amelioration of the conditions of disadvantaged individuals. That means safe spaces! Women-only groups! Cultural meetups! Trans meetups! Support for youth experiencing discrimination! An accessibility advisory group!

Another thing I just want to duly note is that room rentals and their subsequent cancellation are not censorship. Libraries are not the only places that allow public events, and refusing library space to a group doesn't mean they can't find it elsewhere. There is no denial of freedom of expression if a library says "Nah, no thanks," although if you hold out until the last possible moment and make it impossible for them to rebook elsewhere on the same date, they might have a contractual issue to take up with you. So, please don't dither about and then end up in that situation.

If you find yourselves in the position of only finding out quite late the kind of things that have been booked, you can head this off at the pass by making your room booking more stringent and requiring more information from applicants. They may of course mislead you but then you can probably sue THEM so it's fun all round.

Okay okay in all seriousness, only a few rather large and privileged libraries have space for rent anyways, but it can be challenging to find staffing and resources to really vet your bookings. It will be impossible to weed out violent and hateful applicants 100% of the time. There is never a solution that doesn't negatively impact other groups in your community, from not offering rentals at all to requiring stringent application information. Even OPL wasn't able to screen applicants adequately until there was a public outcry.

Given that this is going to keep Being A Thing now that fascists nationwide have cottoned on to the concept, you had better prepare for swift response to the organizers' own public announcements. You will find out from a Facebook event or from a Twitter DM from a concerned citizen. You will need to act quickly and decisively and thank those who inform you, and apologize for the limited resources that did not allow you to know sooner. You will need to hold a public messaging line and not budge. You will need to reaffirm your library's number one priority is the safety and security of your most marginalized and vulnerable community members. And you'll need to walk the talk, too, by having other examples and evidence of that support. You will need to trust your public and work with their eyes and ears as your guides, listen to and learn from their concerns and perspectives - not scowl and turn aside when they try to make your work better.

Oh yeah, and under no circumstances should you try to pay people off. Don't do this.

I got a msg from TPL space rentals telling me the City Librarian wanted to reimburse the booking fee for the launch of #IPromise as a "gesture of goodwill." You can't pay me to accept your empty gestures and superficial goodwill. #TransRightsAreHumanRights pic.twitter.com/ZVN6Neyoci

— Catherine Hernandez (@theloudlady) October 25, 2019

Its weird how much the perceptions of queer people can change throughout history

And like i'm not just talking about how widespread predjudice is and how shitty the education is, so that a trans person like me could grow up not only not knowing they were trans until age 20 but not even knowing that trans people EXISTED. And then of course there's how the perception of the word "queer" has made a rollercoaster journey from "unrelated quaint word for slightly odd" to "homophobic slur" to "reclaimed slur" to "so reclaimed that it's used as a common umbrella term by LGBTQ rights organizations and educational systems" to "ok suddenly its a slur again and we dont know if we'll be able to reclaim it this time". And then allllso there's the fuckin annoying subject of how bigots insist upon perceiving trans women as "really just gay men" or "straight men with a fetosh for dressing up", and then trans women as also being the only trans people who exist,because trans men (and lesbians) are apparantly "just women playing at it" or "lol sexy" and somehow can't really be real. Somehow even less real than the thing they already say isnt real. Seriously, wrapping my head around how bigots think is EXHAUSTING!

Aaaaanyway all of those recent issues REALLY SUCK but then they got me thinking about how bigotry was really different just ten years ago, and how fascinating (and depressing) i found it to hear about unrecogniseably different bigotry in ancient history. So uhh yeah lets ramble about that??

Random example that I only remember because I had a Big Norse Mythology Phase in high school. Back in those times it wasn't considered gay to be attracted to men. Like.. Seriously! They still had homophobic bigotry and horrifying lynchings,banishment, social ostracization and other hate crimes. It's just that their definition of who was 'one of the bad ones' and who was 'acceptable' was wildly different from what we have today. It was like.. Not about who you were attracted to but the specifics of the act itself? They uhh..literally had top and bottom predjudice. You weren't "gay" if you had sex with men, only if you were on the bottom when it happened. Because it was "natural" for a man to be the pitcher, but "womanly and deviant" to be on the receiving end and *gasp* actually enjoy it! You could somehow retain your straightness card by topping a dude and he was the only weird one for enjoying this sex you were having. Because yknow the top is just totally imagining he's fucking a woman, so its Not Gay. Somehow.

Like there's a whole poem about two guys slinging insults at each other for five pages, and one stanza is like "i totally had sex with you and that makes you gay!" Taken to ridiculous extremes where he claims the other man is SO gay that he was somehow able to get magically pregnant and have his children. Also they were monsters because why not. But (i shit you not) he adds that they werent even PARTICULARLY SCARY monsters and that proves that you are a terrible man. For giving me a bad lay. Which somehow means you are gay and I'm not.

And like I mean.. I can understand how a culture with so many all-male sailing crews would kinda have to deal with a lot of gay relationships happening, but its just so fuckin WEIRD that they managed to do it while retaining a predjudice against them! I mean the ancient greeks had a similar situation and they very notably went full acceptance to the point even the most LGBTQ-erasing scholars can't manage to paper it over. Not that they were perfect either, of course, there was a lot of societally accepted pedophilia. But then again britain's had a history of that too, plus even worse stuff... Okay im getting offtopic, thats another subject for another day.

So yeah. Weird alternate conceptualization of sexuality. And part of me wants to laugh at those bigots being so wrong, while part of me feels relieved thinking that at least half of all gay men managed to avoid predjudice compared to how common it is in our society. But then i think about how much the "i'm on top so i'm straight" thing is played off in really creepy ways in those mythological tales. Like seriously its horrible imagining some guy raping another guy as a sign of dominance and pulling the "he enjoyed it so arrest him" card. Or lovers selling out their other half to deflect suspicion from themself, like "yeah you caught us having sex but he was the gay one." It's such a weird form of bigotry to wrap my head around, i don't even know if these worst case scenarios would have happened but i'm scared to research more into the subject in case i find triggering stuff like that.

Tho i mean this is just a factoid i found in a mythology book to explain a weird diss poem, like not even an actual history book with sources ans examples. So for all I know maybe it isnt even true? *shrug* i just thought it was interesting to think about and i hope maybe i can bump into someone else who's better informed on the topic.

Oh and also LOL just to add that I totally fell in love with norse mythology cos of Loki,became a huge Loki stan, wrote stupid fix-it fics for LITERAL MYTHOLOGY where Loki was proven right and got all his dead kids back, and throughout this entire time dumb teenage me never once thought "hmm maybe i'm fascinated by the one gay and genderfluid character because i might be queer". What a dope! (Seriously internalized transphobia fucks you up...)

Callout post: me

lying, manipulative, hold grudges, constantly paranoid, would absolutely 100% check out a teenager if nobody was looking because "it's a harmless crime", liar, cycle through idealization and devaluation, 'sick of fat people trying to be the next civil rights issue and making it that much harder to get civil rights for people who are ACTUALLY oppressed like gee idk poc and muslims and the mentally ill and queer people', frequently fantasizes about committing violent acts against people I rationalize they deserve it including family members, untruthful, attention whore, pedantic AND pretentious, tells lies, doesn't believe in one sister's claim of sexual assault (went to smoke weed with the alleged perpetrator), UNAPOLOGETICALLY AGAINST ASEXUAL EXCLUSIONISM (LITERALLY FUCK YOU DUMBASS FOURTEEN YEAR OLDS WHO SHRIEK THAT QUEER IS A SLUR, SHUT YOUR GODDAM FUCKING WHORE MOUTHS YOU DUMBASSES AND GO THE FUCK OUTSIDE OR READ A BOOK), would absolutely punch a child over an insignificant internet argument, secretly sought out sexual pleasure from two friendly seemingly platonic encounters with two girls I just met within twenty four hours, overreacts to the slightest provocations and has bitches at or vagueposted at several people who did not deserve it, has used mental illness and physical handicap to evade trouble from being late for work because video games and laziness and excessive sleep, has spent maybe a thousand dollars on fast food in 2018 alone, evades bills for medical care from an actually great clinic, lying sack of garbage, gave up on calling out family's bigotry and is now an accessory to prejudice, despises terfs predominantly for their refusal to fuck me because of being trans and yet meanwhile would not engage in sexual relationship with another trans woman or cis man unless reeeeeeeeally drunk, can and will blame being sexually assaulted as a child which probably didn't even happen because I don't think I remember it, unabashed furry, probably as addicted to video games and masturbation AND LIES as I almost was to alcohol, pretended to have almost been an alcoholic just to "win" facebook arguments about addiction, doesn't give a fuck my dad almost died from heroin JUST because he's a *little* homophobic and racist and classist and xenophobic because of a christian upbringing, would literally fucking murder him if he EVER PUTS HIS HANDS ON ME AGAIN, only slightly depressed because of laziness and a lack of drive and ungrateful to my family because hey they didn't kick me out for being trans so HEY THATS SUPPORTIVE ENOUGH FOR SOME OTHER PEOPLE SO WHY CANT I BE HAPPY WITH THAT, legitimately salty about ~the friendzone~ and just makes fun of incels because everybody else does, takes the moral high ground for not being a misogynist even though I don't deserve a pat on the back a lap dance and a blowjob for not hating women, overly sensitive about stupid things, thinking about faking having a trigger warning for more discourse credit, HUUUGE ASSHOLE to men I deem unattractive for no other reason than every single ugly fat guy I've ever met has been an asshole, rationalizes it after the fact because they eventually say something shitty because all men are terrible, probably a little bit of a cisnormative misandrist because trans men tend to be much better people, finds trans men attractive (specifically and significantly more so than cis men) so must clearly be fetishizing them, relatively okay with people referring to me as deadnamed and the wrong pronouns so probably just lying about being trans to everyone including myself, not 100% okay with the hijab for 'no reason other than all organized religion is evil and opposed to its mandate and the shame it forces on many women in many situations the exact same way I'm opposed to no sex before marriage and wives being subservient to their husbands and treating women as property in the torah and quran alike because ITS ALL BRAINWASHING' so is clearly not unlearning islamophobia and doesn't want to let that go, hypocrite because I believe in the basics of judeochristianity

and loathe atheism and atheists entirely because their smugness and smarm literally sets my blood pressure through the roof of what is safe and normal and yet claim to hate all organized religion, mansplains yet gets so pissed off when other people mansplain to me, judgmental of other cultures because they don't have the exact same values that I have, james gunn apologist, talks and talks and talks about anarchosocialism all damn day but would beat the shit out of a coworker for leaving me to do things because they're lazy because "any job worth doing is worth doing well" and other capitalismisms, literally couldn't give less of a fuck that his mother is dying because people die but it's no reason to make my life slightly harder and making me work hard when I work because BOO HOO MY LEGS HURT FROM THE LITERALLY MOST MILD CASE OF MUSCULAR DYSTROPHY I COULD'VE BEEN BORN WITH, hasn't actually performed real suicide attempt ever but still claims to have done so to attain sympathy that may result in physical affection, countless other shitty terrible things that yeah I recognize are bad but CANT SEEM TO CARE BECAUSE I HAVE DEPRESSION... WHICH IS THE WEAKEST FUCKING EXCUSE IN THE WHOLE ENTIRE GODDAMN WORLD

I am not a good person, okay?

I just pretend to be sometimes.

I'm sick of doing it, I'm sick of trying to do well and earn people's approval by doing and saying the right things only to just be ignored which is a step up from receiving many anons that hey, never actually told me to kill myself, but did take my words out of context to paint me as a racist. I am not the kind of racist who would vote for trump and march with the kkk. that is one of very few good things I can say about myself. but I'm an arrogant, violent, and angry opinionated perverted manipulative judgmental lying asshole. I'm not a good person. I have let myself fall so much and I deserve to be alone. my only connections to people were built on personal gain and I swear to myself that I do love them but those feelings fall away in direct correlation to how much they interact with me. I could love you to the point of obsession and stalking and one month later be completely and totally disinterested. I'm a bigot who pretends to not be bigoted and just parrots what other people say not because I believe it but because it's the right thing to say, and I only say what the right thing is to say because whenever I say a good thing something good will happen to me and if I say a bad thing something bad happens to me. it's all just self preservation, nothing else at all. but now I'm at the end of a road of just trying to do good and I'm alone. out of the only two friends that I can really say that I have left, one is far away and trapped in a guilt spiral that I caused by being too clingy, and the other has been behaving in a way my mind has decoded as defensive around me which makes sense as I have been very... the best way to describe it would be the way a dudebro incel interacts with any person who possesses a vagina/breasts but sneakier. in both relationships I've pushed my own wants and desires in extremis... I can't for the life of me recall the last time I have ever offered something in return other than my own company or paying for a meal at a restaurant or I guess transportation. and instead of sex I just want them to express even the slightest bit of intimate platonic physical affection towards me but that's still a lot to offer someone who has clearly expressed the existence of a sexual and maybe something near the realms of romantic in one of the cases physical attraction because for this aspec it's practically the same fucking thing.

and I've manipulated them to attain this goal. at this point my shit brain has considered just fucking going to town on my wrists with a razor blade to draw sympathy so that I'll get a hug or something beyond just a simply hello/goodbye, and finding a way to induce tears to concoct a sob story to reach the same end result, and one time very briefly via threat and intimidation so you can clearly see that I've gone far too into irredeemable territory. I've been playing and replaying cry of fear because it's just too similar to my own issues and the first ending where he just kills everyone he loves and then himself... I see me in that ending. and it scares me so much more than the sprinting screaming twitching one hit kill chainsaw guy ever will. I don't want that to be me, I want to change something, but I just can't get the help that I need. I had hoped to go for a domino effect, where if I could be cuddled for like five minutes or something, I'd have the energy to be more hygienic, which would make me feel capable enough to take on two jobs, which would get me the cash flow I need to pay my bills and take care of my hormones, which would put me in the headspace necessary to effectively use psychological help, which would let me get over my illnesses and actually become a more successful person instead of the pathetic husk I am here in non-fantasy land.

but that won't happen.

I'm just sitting here in the dark angsting about how nobody will touch me in a way that would produce oxytocin, and it's making me so sick, so physically sick, that it's affecting my brain too. I'm in pain, nauseous, vengeful, spiteful, paranoid, judgmental, and lonely. I'm stuck and I can't even kill myself because my mind wants me to stay alive and suffer through all of this because "oh it gets better" people have been saying that for well over half of my life. I was six or seven years old when I asked my mother to kill me, and that same level of desperation and bitterness has only gotten worse as time goes by. when does it get better? I'll tell you when it gets better, after I'm in prison or comatose or forty five years old with a cane and bad eyes and high blood pressure and lung cancer from all the secondhand smoke I've breathed in my life. when my life is over, that's when it gets better. I DONT WANT THAT. I WANT A NORMAL FUCKING LIFE RIGHT NOW. I WANT NORMAL FRIENDSHIPS AND A NORMAL HOME AND A NORMAL EDUCATION AND A NORMAL CAREER AND A NORMAL FAMILY. or at least I want someone to hold me and make me feel like I'm not so horrible and broken that I can't be touched.

but that's too much to ask for.

*me recalling a post someone shared on labels*

Okay... it's still bugging me so I'm going to just talk about it. So, a post I saw ON HERE not twitter or Instagram or anywhere else but HERE where I normally don't expect to see posts like this waa reblogged to my dash. Im not going to say it's necessarily all bad but I am still a bit surprised that I saw it & just... doesn't really, at least too me, make any good arguments and more so comes off as wanting to police identities & caring more about understandability then actually caring about LGBTIA+/ Queer people.

Instead of forcing you all to scroll through my whole post if you don't want to read my word vomit I'll add a read more (quick cw for brief mention of harrasment/assault):

Now the basic gist of the post was wanting people to change the conversation of if certain labels are "valid" to "are these labels necessary or useful" which... in my honest opinion I think both conversation either way are kind of... pointless. They just feel like they kind of take time away from actual important topics that we, the LGBTIA/Queer community, should be having. Why are we still bothering with this pointlessness of labels similar to how people are overly obsessed with flag discourse or slur discourse NONE OF THIS ACTUALLY MATTERS FOR FUCKS SAKE in the grand scheme of things.

I'm not saying some labels can't be problematic of course... well probably. Like, for example this one I heard someone bring up that was put on a wiki about "wanting to have pure bloodlines" or something like that but... I feel like I shouldn't have to explain ALL of the why's to why that one shouldn't count as a legit example. Anyway, I bring this up because this WAS brought up as a counter to the argument someone made about labels, most likely a pro-label argument I don't remember exactly what was being said though this was Twitter not Tumblr though so it was unrelated to the post I'm discussing here.

This tumblr post I saw just seems like the thinking/foundation for what I see a lot in the gate-keeping LGBTIA+/Queer community. Bi people who are Panphobic using similar arguments against each other or against the other lesser known mspec identities such as Omni or Poly. Or more recently the arguments against mspec lesbians or more specifically bi/pan-lesbians and usually the arguments I find being used against these labels make LESS sense then pro-labels people who go "labels are valid."

Anyway I bring this up because when it comes to people against labels, discussing the importance of legitimacy of labels, and similar arguments tends to sound exactly like the arguments people who do police identities and such like transmeds, terfs, homophobes, biphobes etc. Why do our labels NEED to be useful, need to be understood? We don't seem to care about straight, cis, allo people understanding so why should we care when it comes to people within as well? Being "understood" also seems kind of... what's the word... "Pointless?" No, not exactly what I was going for but... it's close enough. Even when non-queer people DO understand us and our labels it doesn't somehow automatically make them allies to us, even the self-proclaimed allies who understand can still work against our best interests so why are we putting importance in ANYONE understanding our labels?

For example purposes I will breakdown the arguments against the label.

Okay so, people who are doing what op said they wanted to see more of in the post I'm referencing here were basically saying (that's isn't just x is bad) "Bi lesbians are harmful to the Lesbian community because men will use it as an excuse bother us/it shows men were available to them. Bi lesbians are also bad because they are tearing down something Bi people worked hard for, to have their own separate community. Bi-lesbians also are bad because terfs created the term."

Alright, so for the first point this one isn't obvious to some but is for many other how messed up the argument is because it basically amounts to nothing more then victim blaming, basically "your asking to be harassed by men if you can possibly be attracted to them" which is a huge slap in the face to straight, but ESPECIALLY bi women who ARE statistically more often victims of abuse. Not to mention this argument makes less sense you you recall that lesbians often DO voice how men will continue to hit on them REGARDLESS of what they say their sexuality is so if straight men decided to use "bi-lesbians" as an excuse one day it only really proves how insidious they are and not the labels legitimacy.

For the second point this is normally made by Lesbians and... look im not saying you can't speak up for us but what made this even WORSE specifically was that Lesbians at the same time were saying that ONLY Lesbians can speak on this "bi-lesbian" discourse which just... voids any good will they may have had initially. You don't GET to speak about others identities & their histories while ALSO telling them to shut the fuck up because thats NOT how this shit works especially when you're spouting ahistorical nonsense. Which yeah, they were/are. The argument was not only bad because of the speaking over Bi people but it was also just legitimately WRONg... well, maybe at the least just glosses over some BIG details. Like, for example that, yes, Bi people DID work hard to make their own space BUT were you also aware that Bi people WERE apart of the Lesbian community with open arms for a time before political lesbianism became a thing & took power in the Lesbian community which resulted in kicking out anyone they didn't like because I feel leaving that out is kind of wrong but I guess it does make their argument look bad. Also not to mention that as a Bi person bi-lesbians don't bother me, they don't negativity effect Bi people just by existing so I have no qualms with them & a decent amount of other Bi people feel the same so... like I said before don't speak for a community you're not apart of, especially when you're also telling us to shut up at the same time!

The last point is also wrong, I'm not bringing up sources but basically the idea that terfs started is actually, you guessed it, due to terfs! Sorry.. that's probably confusing but actually terfs don't like the label so they started the misinformation that terfs(& similar) started it to get people against it which makes sense if you understand who terfs hate. Terfs, specifically the ones within the lesbian community are not much different from political lesbians & I wouldn't be all that surprised if thats what a lot them were or would have been if that was still a thing. I would say a closer equivalent would be "gold star Lesbians" or anyone who thinks it's a good term but ANYWAY the point was that a lot the Lesbians who hold one of these beliefs/identities TENDS to hold the other because they aren't all that much different so it's easy to see why they would want to destroy the term vs actually want it around.

I almost forgot one part of the argument though, and that was that the misinformation was that "terfs created it too separate trans lesbians from the lesbian label" which... Look I'm sorry but if you know terfs this honestly doesn't make all that much sense, yes terfs ARE mainly against trans people it's in the name but don't lie and tell me that plenty of terfs also haven't been found to be against queer, bi, & asexual people as well so I don't see them wanting to ever create the term "bi-lesbian" even if it is to be transphobic. But if we disregard that line of thinking the argument also falls flat when you immediately just... TALK to any Bi-lesbian and ask them why they use label because most who use it tend to be non-binary people who have fluid genders and thus have complicated relationships with their sexuality. Even then some just use it too mean they have strong connections to the Lesbian community for whatever reason! There are probably other reasons but my brains fried so that's all I'm listing but I feel like my point should have sank in by now anyway.

So, after having bare through my long example I hope my point has gotten through but if it hasn't I will summarize: not all labels in the end are going to be "helpful, useful, or needed" BUT that's doesn't make them bad just because of that fact and policing labels & identities in the end is more harmful to the community then not. Instead of caring whether a label is useful or not let's instead focus on making sure we don't allow harmful, bigoted rhetoric and thinking to continue to thrive and permeate our communities, whether online or not so we can keep them from overtaking our spaces... again. And if there really are ACTUALLY harmful labels popping up let's MAKE SURE they are actually harmful and then deal with them accordingly!

Note: if your curious as to why I wrote "LGBTIA+/Queer" I'm going to explain below:

Basically I do it because I feel its weird to put Queer in the middle of acronyms that fall under the queer umbrella. Not to mention that I think it makes more sense to have it be a separate thing considering plenty of queer people don't care for the term being used for them or with them/etc. I like to use Queer for all people who can fall under the term & are accepting/ok with it being used for them more then I like to use the acronym but the acronym is good for anyone who doesn't like to use Queer or for allies to use. I'm not saying it's perfect thinking or other people should change how they use the labels/acronym but that's just my reasoning and I don't see any actual negatives too it so I used it here but as always I'm open to being wrong!