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giggly-squiggily · 1 year

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The Little Things (Bungo Stray Dogs)

Don't mind me, I'm just gonna-

*drops a near 6k word count fic on y'all all about Shin Soukoku cause I can while dancing to Super Mario 2 music sped up version*

Kay bye! *leaps out window*

...Nah but seriously. Heyo everyone! Awhile back I wrote this for a friend while we were yelling about these two (You know who you are- hi bestie! :D) I originally sent it to them via google doc, but given how easy the links to those fics are to lose (The amount I've lost...gone but not forgotten *cries*) I've decided to post it here!I hope you like it!

CW: Swearing, violence, guns, self-loathing, angst, wasted food (RIP Pork Buns), mentions of the Port Mafia Boss and Elise

Summary: In between assignments and tasks, Atsushi and Akutagawa find time to enjoy the little moments within their strange relationship.

~Chocolate~

“Is that cake?” Atsushi raised a brow at the small slice of chocolate cake Akutagawa pulled from his plastic bag. It looked homemade- maybe someone in the Port Mafia made it?

The idea of anyone there baking sweets was wild.

“No, it’s a bomb.” Akutagawa deadpanned, peeling at the plastic wrap around the plate. “Watch yourself- it just might blow up.”

Atsushi started. Did Aku just make a joke?

At the silence, Akutagawa offered the first forkful in silent inquiry.

“Oh, no thanks. I hate chocolate.” He smiled, fighting down a laugh at the brief look of shock on Akutagawa’s face. “Never been a fan. You however-I didn’t know you liked sweets.”

“Is that an issue?” His expression went hard.

“Not at all. It’s just…unexpected.” Atsushi held up his hands, smiling sheepishly. “Do you like all kinds of sweets or do you have a favorite?”

Akutagawa narrowed his eyes at him, suspicion rolling off his tensed frame like waves. For a moment. Atsushi wondered if he just blew their lunch date-meetup. Then he sighed, turning back to his cake.

“I like chocolate.” There was the barest hint of a blush on his cheeks. Akutagawa shoved a forkful of cake in his mouth with a slight grimace, refusing to look his way.

As if he couldn’t get any cuter.

…..Huh? Atsushi felt himself flush.

“Hm.” Was all the weretiger responded with, taking a long drag of his teacup, ignoring the raised brow Akutagawa sent him.

~~~

“Hey, Akutagawa! Here!” Atsushi shot his arms out before the other could stop him, pressing a small handkerchief wrapped box into his chest. It was hastily wrapped- as if he was tying it while running to their usual meetup spot. “This is for you!”

“....Huh?” The wide eyed shock on his face was priceless. Atsushi resisted the urge to laugh as he watched Akutagawa handle the box like one handled a baby- careful and slightly terrified. “This is…?”

“Open it!” Atsushi encouraged, resisting the urge to bounce on his feet in his anticipation. “I didn’t knot it that bad!”

“Okay, okay, settle down.” Akutagawa’s lips twitched as he gently pulled at the knot, going especially slow, much to Atsushi’s chagrin. When the ends of the cloth fell away, it revealed a little plastic box, within it a variety of chocolates.

“Oh?” Akutagawa stared, seeming to freeze. Atsushi felt himself sweat, tugging at his shirt hem.

“I know it’s not much of…well, anything- I just remembered a while back you mentioned you liked chocolate, and I had some lying around and figured you’d like it- of course if you don’t, I can always take it back-”

“You remembered.” It wasn’t a question. Atsushi blinked. Something soft was in Akutagawa’s expression, and his hands trembled some as he held the small box of treats. Atsushi felt his heart squeeze. “I didn’t think you would…”

“Of course I did! I remember everything you tell me.” Then he flushed, eyes wide. He said too much. “For the missions! And our tasks! Ehe…”

“Yes..having a good memory for those things is important.” That faint blush was back, and Akutagawa wouldn’t look at him- not directly, anyway. “Ehem…This is…” Then he paused, brows furrowing.

“Wait- where’d you get this?” Akutagawa finally met his gaze, raising an eyebrow. “I thought you hated chocolate?”

Seems like Atsushi wasn’t the only one remembering details about each other.

“I do…but like I said- I just happened to have it on me, hehe.” He grinned, deciding not to mention where his source was. He’d bring Ranpo a fresh box of chocolates on his way back from this meeting. With all the snacks he keeps on hand, he wasn’t likely to miss it before he got back.

Akutagawa raised a brow, not entirely believing him. Then he looked back at the box of chocolates, that content expression returning. “I can’t remember the last time someone gave me a gift…so thank you. It means more than you know.”

Atsushi swelled, feeling rather proud of himself. He would make this a habit he decided in that moment; all to see that soft expression.

Though he’d probably have to start buying his own chocolates.

~Rain~

“Ugh, no way…” Atsushi groaned miserably as the sky began to cry. Raindrops dropped in a slow mist at first, but within minutes it began to pour, flooding the alleyways they snuck through. He could already feel his shoes fill with water, making his toes curl unpleasantly.

“Hm, how troublesome indeed.” Akutagawa mused, brows furrowing as he came to join Atsushi beneath the thin railings of the alley. His shoulders felt damp already, and a chill shot down his spine from the icy droplets. “Walking back in this will be rather annoying.”

As of late, it seemed like he and Atsushi couldn’t shake each other. Whether it be on impromptu missions Dazai set them up on, or just little moments like running errands and returning home- somehow in this big city, the demon and the weretiger were never far from each other.

A part of Akutagawa couldn’t deny he liked it that way. That however was a part he’d rather strangle until blue with Rashomon before ever admitting.

“Man, I should have brought an umbrella! I figured it’d rain while we were inside the warehouse and stop after, but I guess the universe has it out for me…” Atsushi shoved his hands through his bangs, groaning in his hands. “This is revenge for Ranpo’s snacks, isn’t it, world?” He mumbled.

“Don’t tell me you’re afraid of a little water, weretiger?” Akutagawa shrugged, Rashomon shooting out of his back and forming a shelf above him, shielding him from the continuous onslaught of rainwater. “Though I suppose it’s expected, given what you are.”

“Shut up! I’m not a cat- I just happen to turn into one!” Atsushi glared, rubbing his arms with a slight tremor when the rain began soaking his shirt. In an act of defiance, he took a step out into the elements.

And immediately regretted it.

“Oh my god, that’s COLD!” Atsushi flew into Akutagawa’s shelter of Rashomon, clinging to his coat and shivering. Then he glared, cheeks pink. “Not a word.”

Akutagawa didn’t think he could speak even if he wanted to. This close, beneath the immediate smell of rainwater and warehouse dust, the weretiger smelled like tiger lilies. He could see the strange ombre in Atsushi’s eyes, the way they went from a rosy pink to a warm gold- like a sunrise. The way his lashes framed those odd but pretty irises of his.

So unfairly pretty. Akutagawa forgot how to breathe.

“Hey? Is something wrong…” Atsushi began, only to flush a brilliant red and jump back into the rain. “Oh god- I’m so sorry, how invasive of me- Ah, this rain! I uh…”

Maybe it was how pitiful he looked, soaked and embarrassed. Maybe it was the way he looked at him just now, with those damn sunrise eyes.

Maybe that part of Akutagawa’s heart wasn’t so small after all.

Slowly, as if it were a machine coming back to life after many years, Rashomon extended outward, creating an umbrella-like cover beside its owner. The space was…tight, but it would give Atsushi room to walk with him. “Come on, before you catch your death.”

The weretiger blinked, eyes wide. Akutagawa could feel his face heating; he pretended it was from irritation while waiting for the other to make a decision. “Hurry up before I leave you here.”

“Oh! Right- thank you.” Atsushi ran over, standing within the cover. This close, he could smell tiger lilies again. Did he wear perfume? Would it be weird to ask?

Would it be weird to just reach out and hold his hand-

“Don’t mention it. Just- come on.” Akutagawa made his voice as curt as he could, hoping it hid the fluster he felt himself slipping into. In silence the pair walked back, Akutagawa’s hands shoved in his pockets while Atsushi continued rubbing his arms, trying to warm up.

When he peeked, the weretiger looked equally flushed.

Must be getting sick, he told himself.

Yeah. That’s it.

~Blackout~

When he got back to the agency; Atsushi decided, he was going to murder Dazai.

Just a simple task, he said. Scout out the scene for us to make sure it’s safe, he told him. There shouldn’t be any trouble, he insisted.

Of course, Dazai forgot to mention the literal Mafia meetup being held in such a place.

Atsushi knew he should leave- turn back before any of the Port caught a glimpse of him hovering near a dirty window. It was fairly high up- the main reason why Atsushi was sent on this particular request was due to his cat-climbing skills- so the chances of being caught were slim.

He should go, had he not caught sight of a familiar face. Stoic as always, black fringe fading into white that framed his pinched face, hands shoved in his pockets. Akutagawa.

He was standing by with a short redhead- Chuuya, he assumed. Dazai had mentioned a redhead in the Port who he’d encountered a few times before. He looked especially irritated, whomever they were meeting up with apparently was late.

Finally, after around half an hour, two grungy looking guys came through the large metal doors, their footsteps echoing across the filthy floor. Between them a smaller man led, his body bent forward and his hair a halo of thinning grays around his wrinkled face.

“I take it your boss sent you with what I wanted?” He asked, and Atsushi felt himself straighten. Despite appearances, the man’s voice boomed and carried, demanding respect with each word. Within the room, even Akutagawa and Chuuya straightened, the latter glowering upon realizing it.

“Yeah. You got what we want?” He demanded, waiting. There was a tense silence before the old man gestured for one of what Atsushi assumed to be his guards. The man opened his jacket, revealing a tightly wrapped parscal.

“Toss it over, we’ll do the same.” Chuuya commanded, straightening to his full height. The old man chuckled, clearly amused.

“Kids these days- never learn to respect their elders. Fine then.” He nodded, and the parscal went flying. Rashomon was out in seconds, catching it with ease. Bringing it to his eyes, Akutagawa peered within, face grimacing.

“This is it. Boss’ order.” He didn’t sound too thrilled about it though.

“Good grief. Alright, here.” Chuuya kicked the box by his feet towards the men, his gravity control making it sail easily across the floor. It landed with a loud thump by the guard’s feet. “I’ll take it this should cover it?”

The guard peered within the box, nodding after confirming the contents. Atsushi couldn’t help but wonder what was in it. Money? Jewels? And what was in the parscal?

No time. He really had to go. He watched Chuuya and Akutagawa turn to leave.

Just as the remaining guard pulled out a gun.

“TURN AROUND!” He heard himself scream. Shit! The old man’s eyes flickered to the window-

And suddenly there was a boom of red. Rashomon exploded out of Akutagawa’s back, sending the guards flying. Interesting enough, the old man remained unfazed. In fact, he hadn’t moved at all. Rashomon bounced around him like water hitting a rock.

“His ability- it’s a shield!” Chuuya yelled, already jumping into action. He crossed the room in seconds, taking the two guards on. Despite the size difference and being outnumbered, Chuuya was easily the better fighter. He dropped low, kicking the goon with the gun in his hand in the ankles. As he fell back, he grabbed his fallen gun, pointing it at the other one. He pulled the trigger-

But the bullet bounced! Seems this old man’s ability expanded beyond just himself. The guard smirked cruelly as he charged, tackling a surprised Chuuya dead on and sending him flying.

Akutagawa started, Rashomon shooting out to catch Chuuya before he could hit the wall. Too late. The old man was upon him. He moved so fast, an elbow flying to Akutagawa’s windpipe as he brought a knee to his gut. Rashomon quivered as Akutagawa wheezed, gasping for air.

Chuuya shot out of the rubble with a roar, flying at the guards. His gravity power saved his life, but just barely- Atsushi could see he was wounded- crimson against orange hair, bruises forming on the side of his face.

Akutagawa stumbled, the old man hooting softly as he watched the boy drop. “Such a shame- the Port Mafia really has let themselves grow weak if this is the best they can offer.”

Hot rage shot through Atsushi's veins. Just who did this old creatin think he was? He got up, ready to jump into the fray- and stopped.

Why was he getting involved? This wasn’t a mission assigned to him by Dazai or the boss back at the agency. He wasn’t even supposed to be here. Right now would be the ample time to leave; to use the chaos within to slip away before anyone else saw him.

Saw him.

Saw…

Atsushi’s eyes dropped down to the breaker box just outside the warehouse, an idea already forming in mind.

Within the warehouse, it was chaos. Chuuya had disposed of one of the guards, his body crumpled in the background as he fought the one still guarding. From the looks of things, the shield only protected from the front. Right now- the redhead was trying to get around and go for the back, but the guard stayed on him like glue.

Akutagawa and the old man were fighting once more- this time however, Akutagawa was prepared. Rashomon bounced again and again off a shield, keeping him at bay. He couldn’t land a hit, but neither could the old man. It seemed he needed his arms held up in a specific way to keep it on, leaving them in a stalemate.

Just one moment. A second was all Akutagawa needed. He looked up-

Their eyes met. Atsushi mouthed only one word. Blackout.

Then he tore out the breaker box with his claw.

The warehouse went pitch black, blending in with the night sky. Atsushi rolled down the wall as gunshots exploded from within, the faint sounds of two men crying out before everything went eerily silent. For a short, heartstopping moment, Atsushi was scared one of them was Aku.

Then the doors opened, Chuuya and Akutagawa stumbling out, bruised and wounded, the parscal in hand.

“Next time that creepy bastard wants us to pick up dolly dresses, he better get them through Amazon.” Chuuya growled, limping as he dragged himself down the quiet streets. Akutagawa seemed to be half listening, nodding along as he rolled his shoulder. His throat was bruised, and he was covered in small cuts, but he was alive.

Atsushi felt himself breathe again.

“Are you even listening? Ugh, forget it.” Chuuya waved him off, walking ahead as he carried on complaining about their boss. Akutagawa paused then, turning his head.

And directly looked at Atsushi.

The weretiger didn’t call out. He didn’t say a word. He merely looked back at him, watching. Akutagawa blinked once. Then twice.

Then the rarest thing happened. He smiled.

It was small, nearly unnoticeable and a bit pained, as if it hurt to move his face. Judging by the bruise blossoming on his cheek, it must have been.

Still- that smile. It erased it all. The injuries, his messy hair, the torn clothes- all of it faded away as Akutagawa smiled at him. It was like he was a god, so painfully beautiful it was near impossible to look directly at him, and yet Atsushi did. He didn’t care if his face was on fire, or if he was gaping like a fish. All he wanted to do was get lost in that beautiful smile.

And then Akutagawa looked away, and reality came back. He was gone in minutes, fading away in shadow, leaving Atsushi sitting there, still thinking about that smile.

~Piano~

Akutagawa hated instruments.

More specifically, he hated the piano.

The boss was so insistent he’d learn to play it. Think of how useful of a talent it’d be if you ever found yourself needing to blend in. Blend in where, the orchestra? Good luck with that. They all knew the real reason why Mori wanted him to learn to play.

Because Dazai used to play.

Not the piano- but the Violin. Akutagawa remembered watching him play a few times- the way he’d stand tall, the instrument like an extension of his body as he ran his bow over the strings. His songs were always so sad sounding; they never failed to make someone cry- usually Chuuya, even if he’d never admit it. When Dazai left, Mori burned the instrument, and music was snuffed out, much like those who betrayed them.

Apparently he was now back in his music phase and decided Akutagawa would be the next musician. Had it not been for Gin and her soft encouragement for him to learn- “Ma and Pa would have liked it, I think” she told him- he’d probably set the grand instrument ablaze himself. Just what would he play on it, anyway? Songs of sorrow and anger? Christmas tunes? Suppose he could play a quick death march before a bullet lodged into his brain or a knife to his jugular.

Wasteful. The worst part? He was a natural talent. The lessons flew by and before long he knew all the cords and how to work them into songs. Gin liked them- she would lay across the top like those women in the movies, face in her hands and feet kicking while he practiced. Sometimes she’d sing- her voice soft and delicate. It was those moments that he liked best.

And then Mori asked him to play for him and Elise when they’d marry. He stopped playing it after that.

Now he found himself lingering by a different piano- dusty but well loved, sitting in the corner of what he assumed to be a church. It was abandoned now- the room stale with lack of movement. His fingers glided over the top, making streaks against the smooth black surface.

Like magic, he felt himself back at the music room with Gin, playing a song and her singing-

“Nothing of interest here- hey, is that a piano?” Atsushi’s voice shook him free from his memory. The weretiger joined him, his shoulder bumping gently into Akutagawa’s as he took a seat. “I love the piano! I wonder if it’s in tune?”

Things have been…interesting, these past few encounters with the weretiger. Since the warehouse incident, they’ve been less stiff, more relaxed. Atsushi didn’t jump away if he got too close, and he smiled more easily at him. Their once harsh word exchanges melted into soft bickering, and more than once Akutagawa felt himself fighting down laughter whenever they talked. Not mean, condescending one but genuine mirth at the little things he’d say and do.

What the hell was happening to him?

“I know like- one chord. There was this woman at the orphanage; she was the only nice adult there. She tried to teach me to play, but I never quite picked it up.” Atsushi made a big show of cracking his knuckles, wiggling his fingers. “Okay, let’s tickle these ivories!”

More like make them scream, Akutagawa soon learned. He winced as Atsushi slammed his fingers down into the keys, hitting random clumps and creating what he could only describe as “mindless noise”. He sang along with it, the words lost in the sound as he swayed with his chaos.

“Oh, there once was a cat named Piccolo! He was the fattest cat anyone ever known! He rolled and he cried, and he’d spit in your eye, so the village chief ordered him to-”

“Weretiger!” Rashomon shot out, grasping Atsushi’s wrists and preventing him from hitting more keys. The church rang with the noise. “What happened to knowing only one chord?” He growled through gritted teeth.

“Oh, right! It was…um…” Atsushi looked at the keyboard. “You know- I can’t remember. But it was one of them I just played, I’m sure!”

“That wasn’t playing- that was slapping.” Akutagawa pulled Rashomon back, shaking his head. “I don’t think I heard a single chord in any of that.”

“Oo, you can hear chords, can you? Alright, Yiruma- it's your turn.” Atsushi stood, offering the piano. “Let’s see what you can do!”

Akutagawa stared, first at the piano, then at Atsushi. A mix of nostalgia and disgust filled him when he thought of playing again; Mori ruined any enjoyment he had with it.

And yet…Atsushi was giving him those eyes. The ones that presented a challenge. And Akutagawa had a hard time turning down challenges.

He also had a hard time turning down Atsushi.

What-

He sat down in the warm seat before those intrusive thoughts came back. Stretching his fingers, he let them rest on the cool ivory, wondering where he should begin. “Any requests?” He asked, be it a tad sarcastically.

“Whatever you wanna play.” Atsushi smiled, leaning against the side of the piano. Akutagawa hated how attractive he looked like that- FOCUS AKU! “I’m all ears.”

At first, he simply pressed keys- not the way Atsushi did it- this was far gentler, and actual cords. The weretiger’s smug grin melted into a look of surprise, making the other smirk. “Show off.” Atsushi grumbled. Akutagawa fought down a chuckle.

Then he was moving his fingers against the keys more intentionally, a song coming to mind. He didn’t know all the words- he only heard a chunk of it once when he was walking with Gin through the city. He did know the chords though.

Soft music played throughout the church, Akutagawa’s fingers playing out the beats in a steady rhythm, getting lost in the sound. He felt himself right back with Gin again, her smile encouraging and kind- the few beckons of light in the awful world of the Port Mafia.

Then he was singing. He probably sounded terrible; but he kept hearing Gin encouraging him to, so he gave in.

“If you had it all, would it be enough?

Can you find the way and still be lost?

I write songs about being someone else

That say fuck the world, you’re not angry enough.”

Beside him, he heard Atsushi suck in a breath. Be it from surprise or relation to the song, he didn’t know. Akutagawa kept going.

“Yeah everybody tells me it’s alright.

Everybody tells me I’ll be fine

Everything is not o-fucking-kay,

Oh but they can’t tell me why.

I put the picture on the shelf

Leave the memory behind

But the truth is I can’t say goodbye.”

Was he getting too real? Maybe. Atsushi was quiet beside him, not interrupting, just listening. He took that as a sign to keep going.

“So I made friends with all my demons

Let ‘em sink their teeth in

Got used to the feeling of letting it go

So give me something to believe in

Or throw me in the deep end

It all feels the same with your eyes close

So you can throw me in the, Deep end

Deep end

Deep end, Deep end”

And..that’s all he knew. The rest of the song was lost to him. He dared a peek up at the weretiger, waiting to see him fighting off laughter or wincing at Akutagawa’s singing.

Instead, he was leaning into the piano, eyes misty and something incredibly soft in his expression. There was no disgust, no second hand embarrassment, none of that. Only the look of a man who found something he was fond of, the smallest of smiles on his lips that took Akutagawa’s breath away.

Surely he must be thinking of someone else. There was no way he was looking at him like that.

The idea that Atsushi was thinking of another made his chest ache, a strange hollowness within tearing at his insides. In a haste, he slapped his hands onto the keys, startling the other out of his reverie. “I don’t know the rest- really, I hate the piano; we shouldn’t have done this. We have to go before the cops show up-”

“Aku.” Atsushi’s voice made him pause, halfway out of the seat. He was focused again, the expression he was wearing tucked away and replaced by his usual smile. “That was amazing. Truly.”

His chest ached again.

“It was just a thing I learned at the mafia. That’s all.” His voice sounded foreign to his ears, cold and distant. In the corner of his eye, he saw Atsushi wince. “Just forget about it.”

“Aku-”

But he was already out the door; the cool air of the city blowing on his warm face as he stumbled out. He walked at first, but then he was running. And then he was bolting. He needed to get away- to go somewhere else. He found himself flying down alleyway after alleyway, stumbling over his own two feet before crashing hard on his knees, coughing in his hand.

When he pulled it back, it was wet. However, it wasn’t blood that made it so. When did his vision get so blurry? He blinked, shaking when he realized it was tears.

He was foolish. A complete idiot! How could he let himself fall for the Weretiger? A Detective Agency member- the Mafia’s enemy. They’d never work out; and soon- he’d leave him. Just like how Dazai did all those years ago.

It would never work. Nothing ever did in the Port Mafia. They were sewer rats- destined to live and die among the filth they waddled in. And Atsushi…he didn’t deserve someone like that. He deserved someone who could stand in the sunrise with him, who could see how it matched perfectly with his eyes. Someone who could listen to his songs and jokes and antics and laugh freely alongside him. Someone who could make him happy.

And that wasn’t Akutagawa.

Curling up, he wrapped Rashomon tightly around himself. In past experiences, he found his ability rather sound proof. It was only then did he finally let himself sob.

~Kiss~

Atsushi sighed as he leaned back into a park bench, head still reeling. It had been a few days since the church incident, and there was no Akutagawa in sight. He could be busy, but Atsushi was sure he was avoiding him. It hurt- the sudden shut down from the other. Atsushi recounted the event in his mind hundreds of times, trying to figure out what exactly he did that made him flee.

He truly meant it when he said Akutagawa’s playing was amazing. Really- he was referring to his everything; the way he played, the words he sung, the way they broke something within his chest as he found each lyric incredibly relatable. That last moment, when the song ended and Akutagawa turned to look at him- there was so much…vulnerability in his gaze. Was he waiting for Atsushi to say something then?

Oh dear- perhaps he failed him afterall.

Pulling the bag of pork buns closer to his hip, he stood, deciding to head back to his apartment. It was probably dumb, waiting here for him. They hadn’t agreed on a meetup spot; Atsushi had hoped if he remained at the same location for the past three days, he’d pop up. So far, it proved fruitless. He made his way to the entrance.

And found himself staring at Akutagawa.

Silence so thick it could be cut with a knife, the two stared at one another; frozen. The rest of the world seemed to go silent, the people walking by shut off like a mute button. Akutagawa seemed stunned, and Atsushi doubted he looked any better.

For a brief, terrifying moment, he was scared Akutagawa would bolt. He remained standing. Then-

“Weretiger I-”

“I bought Pork Buns-”

They had spoken at the same time. Akutagawa blinked, startled. Atsushi felt himself return to reality.

“I uh…I bought Pork Buns. At the local convenience store? I remembered you liked them and..” He waved the bag in the direction of his apartment. “It’s probably not a good time, and if not you can just take them but…do you want to come over and eat? I bought too many…”

Akutagawa stared, the look making Atsushi squirm. Then he spoke once more. “I’m not busy…sure.” Relief flooded Atsushi’s chest.

“Great! Come along then.”

~~~

The walk back was terribly awkward. Neither spoke, but it was tense this time around, words heavier than steel stuck in their throats as they finally arrived at Atsushi’s place. Fumbling for the key, the weretiger pushed open the door, flicking on the light. “Pardon the mess, I didn’t get to clean up this morning.”

Removing his shoes, Akutagawa looked around. If he noticed the messy futon and leftover ramen cup, he didn’t say. Instead, he nodded. “Thank you for having me over.”

“Yeah, yeah- sure.” Atsushi smiled, hating how polite everything felt. He wanted so badly for Akutagawa to point out something- to make a comment on his tiger plushie that the other gave him in return for the chocolates- to tease him about knocking things over on the counter. He wanted anything else but this super quiet, super polite version of Akutagawa. “Erm, let me go put these down-”

“Weretiger. I must apologize.”

Atsushi froze, scared to turn around. Oh no, was he leaving already?

“The other day- I left without a word to you. That was incredibly rude of me, and I’m sorry.” Akutagawa sounded…choked. Like there was something else there he wasn’t mentioning. Atsushi figured he’d let it be.

But then, would anything actually change if he did?

“You ran pretty far after you left. I didn’t see where you went, you just kinda- disappeared.” Atsushi turned, facing him. “I never got to finish what I was saying.”

“I didn’t want to hear it.”

Ouch. Okay. Atsushi tried to hide the hurt with a smile. “Fair enough.”

“Wait- no. Fuck, this is hard.” Akutagawa ran a hand over his face, clearly frustrated. “That’s not what I meant. Sorry. I mean- I was…” He struggled with the words, waving his hands. “Weretiger, I don’t think I can keep doing this.”

Another dagger. Atsushi felt his heart drop into his stomach. “Doing what?”

“The whole- whatever this is. It’s killing me.”

A third. Atsushi felt his eyes sting. “Just say it, Akutagawa.” He sounded harsh in his own ears. Good.It’ll make him leave faster. “Say it and be done, already.”

Akutagawa flinched as if struck. Then he straightened, eyes intense.

“I’m in love with you, Weretiger.”

The buns hit the floor.

“I’m in love with you- I’ve been in love with you since- I don’t know how long now. Everytime I close my eyes, I see you. I hear you laughing in my dreams; I see you smiling at me when the pain’s at its worst and it’s killing me because I’m not good enough for you. I’m not the kind of person you deserve- a sewer rat who’ll only stain you with my filth-”

“Shut up.” Atsushi sounded strange. Akutagawa stared.

“Shut the hell up, you son of a-” Atsushi stormed across the room, grabbing the front of his coat.

And then he was kissing him. His lips crashed into Akutagawa's like a man craving water. At first, Akutagawa was frozen in shock. Then he was kissing him back, clutching the other tightly, pulling him in against his chest like he couldn’t get enough. He tasted like chocolate. For once, Atsushi found himself liking it.

When they pulled away, flushed and breathless, Atsushi reached up, gently pulling at the fringe framing the other’s face.

“Now you listen to me, Aku.” He tugged, earning a mild wince from the other. “First of all- you don’t get to decide who deserves me. I decide who deserves me. Second of all-” He released his hair, poking a finger into his chest. “I don’t want to ever hear you describe yourself as a sewer rat ever again. If I get stained, I get stained. Despite the white fur, I’m not some pristine tiger figurine.” He moved the hand poking his chest up to cup Akutagawa’s cheek, running a thumb against the smooth skin. “Finally- I never got to say what I wanted to say the other day. So you better listen.

“I think you’re amazing. The way you carry yourself; how you’re still so you even after everything you’ve been through in the Port Mafia. How you have these cute little quirks about yourself and how you’ve got so many hidden talents. I think you’re amazing, and I’m in love with you too. I’ve been in love with you for a long time now.” He smiled at the wide eyed stare he got, watching the hope in Akutagawa’s eyes meld into soft happiness.

Then he pinched his cheek, pulling slightly.

“But if you ever just up and run off on me again, I’ll kick your ass. I’m a weretiger- we like to eat little sewer rats who drive us nuts.”

“Sorry.” Akutagawa said through a deformed mouth. Atsushi released his cheek, leaning up to kiss it. “I thought you'd be in love with someone else.”

“Who else is there? Ranpo?” Atsushi raised an eyebrow. Then he looked thoughtful. “It would make getting you chocolate easier…”

Akutagawa couldn’t stop it. The laugh he fought down so hard bubbled over, then another. Before long, he was leaning into Atsushi, laughing for the first time in what felt like forever. The weretiger stood stunned, then he was giggling. Next thing he knew, he was laughing just as much, clinging to the other and squeezing tightly.

“Ohhohoho my god. I fuhuhucking love you, Weretiger.” Akutagawa wheezed out, wiping away a combination of happy and mirthful tears.

Atsushi looked just as teary, his cheeks warm and smiling like sunshine. “I love you too, Aku.”

Thanks for reading!

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fyodorkitkat · 6 months

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Hiiiiiii <33333 so! I know we know next to nothing about fyodor and Nikolai’s relationship BUT I had an epiphany and since we know that fyodor is inspired by Ivan Karamazov and specifically the scene with his devil, how do you feel about Nikolai=Ivan Karamazov’s devil and whatever this implies???

Tomà idk if you love me or want to torment me by sending me this.

I haven't reread The Brothers Karamazov still (I read it when I was a teenager so my memory is not great) so I don't know that I'm a great person to ask about this at all. I'm also not great at analysis posts and I am doing this all on my phone. But I like you, so I want to try at least, so I reread the part with Ivan's conversation with the devil in his delirium. You're welcome.

Is this a good fit for Nikolai's role? I'm not so sure that it is.

Because what I get from that part is that Ivan is having a conversation with an apparition born from his delirious state, and that the "devil" exists within himself.

Not to say that he has no hope or is literally the devil, it makes sense with some of the other things the devil explains and the nature of the conversation that makes it seem like Ivan is angry for being in his mind. (It seems more like anger for him appearing and being in his room but if we are going off it being a hallucination influenced by Ivan's subconscious the room is his mind then that is where the devil actually is)

Wait a damn minute where else have we heard this reference to rooms...

"I am crime. I am punishment. Crime and punishment are close friends. Borders vanish. Rooms awaken. The incarnation of death, the master of the ability-consuming fog… Eat, howl, and make violence as your instinct desires. This is neither a loss of control nor a singularity." Fyodor Dostoyevsky - Dead Apple

**I'm going to come back to this after i finish explaining why I don't think Nikolai is fit to be representative of the devil to Fyodor's Ivan but you can probably already guess *who* i think is**

Anyways back on track sorry I'm not great at this sort of thing at all. So Ivan's conversation with the devil to me comes across as an internal struggle between good and evil. The devil's statements (and he really does most of the talking) are around the nature of the devil and the idea of the necessity of evil (the devil goes as far as to say nothing would happen without evil, like if there was nothing to go against there would be no events and nothing to life). He also explains the devil exists in everyone's daily lives in mundane ways, but also that the devil (and God) can exist inside of people too.

“All the rest around me, all those worlds, God, even Satan himself – for me all that is unproven, whether it exists in itself, or is only my emanation, a consistent development of my, I, which exists pre-temporally and uniquely”

There is also a part where the devil explains that without him, there would be nothing but hosanna (/joy) and that life of nothing but joy isn't a life really at all, basically saying that it would be a life with nothing happening and no suffering but a life without suffering and only joy could be it's own hell.

This is doesn't really align with Nikolai's beliefs right? He sees awareness of what he views as the cage he (and people that just aren't aware) is in as the cause of his issues. That people are unaware that they aren't truly free, but he is aware and has to rid himself of what he views as chaining him (settling on his feelings for Fyodor in the end).

Now you could argue that maybe Nikolai would agree with the devil here in the sense that a life of blissful unawareness is similar to a life of nothing but joy, with nothing happening, and that is a hell in and of itself. But I think they are talking about two different things, because I don't think Nikolai thinks people who aren't aware of their cage lack suffering, or lack the existence of evil in their day to day lives. They don't have that life of nothing but joy that the devil is talking about so I don't think they mesh well enough to say it works as a representation of Nikolai.

Also, Nikolai doesn't appear to be trying to convince Fyodor of ideas, his battle is with himself, so that also doesn't fit the role of the devil in this chapter I don't think not for Fyodor.

Basically, none of this to me is screaming Nikolai. But if you had ideas as to why you think it does I'm definitely down to hear them.

If Fyodor is inspired by this scene in tbk it think this means that Fyodor is Ivan and Fyodor's ability (or also Fyodor himself at the same time) is the devil. Because the devil in the form Ivan witnesses is part of Ivan in the first place, it comes from his mind, and from what I rememeber he is lonely in comparison to the other characters in that book, so who does he wrestle with these issues with around his guilt and concerns? Himself, and he figures out his path from there. Ivan even says it himself to the devil at one point, "You are myself.”

The words the devil speaks and the concepts he argues aren't created from nothing, but related to the role of Satan and evil, this is just him essentially arguing outloud with himself about these things. It also why he probably is really not into accepting a lot of the ideas about faith the devil also explains to him, because it is like he is presenting them to himself via hallucination.

Anyways I am absolutely rambling, so back to the dead apple quote.

"I am crime. I am punishment. Crime and punishment are close friends. Borders vanish. Rooms awaken."

If the devil is born of Ivan's psyche and loneliness is that not similar to a sort of friend? The devil appears in his feverish delerium, maybe exactly when he needs him to, to have this conversation about evil, God, and challenging Ivan's reliance on logic. Maybe you could argue the border between the "devil" or "evil" in him and the rest of him disappeared for that moment, and "the devil" awoke in his room with him, letting them talk as if he was a separate being.

Maybe that's Fyodor, and the writers for dead apple (since they got that speech from Asagiri about Fyodor's character) took inspiration from that?

To me, Nikolai doesn't have anything to do with it. And that also makes sense I think, because from what we do see with their relationship and Nikolai's own words, he didn't know him very well. It didn't sound like they were very close or had deep conversations prior with what Nikolai said after his death.

Plus when you take into account the breakdown that might be lies or might have truth where he says he was weak and his ability took over because of that, and that his ability is evil, the constant references to him being a demon, and the weird differences between Fyodor's separated ability in dead apple compared to everyone else's.

I think there is more of an argument to be made that Fyodor's ability is more akin to the devil in The Brothers Karamazov in that chapter, or Fyodor himself is both. That he's based off Ivan in that scene and the devil is part of Ivan's psyche because of his condition, so Fyodor is both because that part is also a part of him as well. But since abilities are tied so closely to their users, it makes sense either way to me.

#sry if this is disjointed and incoherent i wrote so much just to disagree with you but it made me think and also break out tbk to do so #when i havent even read it since like 2006 and havent started my reread of it yet even though i said i would #so im mostly joking about the torment thank you so much for the ask tomà im mostly touched that you thought to send this to me #bsd analysis #bsd fyodor #bsd nikolai #bsd #ill tag this but sry sry i did this on my phone pretty quickly #but i am totally down to hear other ppls takes or potential additions on it so that is why #-Lue asks #sry for any grammer and spelling errors too i might edit this later idk #i didnt want to nit pick it forever

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st4rguy · 1 year

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The Dream Oracle,

I would definitely say there is more to her than meets the eye, aside from being the negligent guide of the heroes, not much else is clear of her motivations, I have a few ideas however.

Something that is very important to this is her parallels with the knight. They are essentially opposites, however, they are similar in some ways, such as their star motif, as well as teleports look the same

In terms of opposites where The Knight has a vaguely demon-like appearance with his horns, the oracle contrasts this with an angel-like one with her wing motif.

Their roles in the cycle are opposites as well, the magical guide of the hero, and the terrifying and powerful villain

However, while they are opposites, and appear to be of similar origin, they are not equal in power. The Dream Oracle has the standard Dreamsider 9 stars of stats, whereas The Nightmare Knight has over 18,

An in-world example is where the knight is mentioned to be able to watch things happen while not being physically present, in the prologue the oracle is seen eavesdropping, so she likely doesn't have this ability

Also, we can see that she is afraid of the knight, running away when he appears

their power disparity is vast and my idea as to why is that the knight gains his power from people's fear of him, so the oracle as his opposite may well gain hers from something similar.

for example, faith or hope, so as she is not very powerful we can assume few have much faith in her, this makes sense as she assumably stays in her cave most of the time.

This also explains what her stake in the cycle is, as she wants more power logically, and when the hero defeats the nightmare knight, she gets some credit for this, as the hero is ‘the oracle’s hero’.

This explains her confusing behaviour in her meeting with Cabbage, she was hoping the knight being summoned would mean a boost in her power, a boost she gets with each passing cycle, however, this is likely not a permanent one.

No one, not even the oracle and knight remembers any of the heroes but the first, meaning as they fade from history so does the power of the oracle, however, the knight’s legend has endured the ages leaving him powerful as ever.

Many participants in the cycle get nothing from their involvement, or it leaves them worse than they were to begin with, so overall I would say she has one of the best outcomes, leading her to want the cycle to continue and stay the same as it is to her benefit.

She's much more interesting than she may seem and I hope we learn more about her in the future, but this is all for now!

#maaaaybe this is obvios and everyone already knew this but like.#its interesting and i wanted to point it out. so.#i'm awave there are some spelling an grammer mistakes but. i dont care at this point??#i still have some ideas on her not relevant to this i may discuss in future :P #cucumber quest #cq #the dream oracle

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trainer-blue · 11 months

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saw a post once abt how spelling specifically can be smthin that doesnt come naturally to people. I had never thought of that before but if it’s true it makes me feel better bc im a good writer but a pretty shit speller

#it’s stuff like i have to mentally correct myself from ‘grammer’ to ‘grammar’ & i misspell stuff constantly #but i had never considered it like. smthin sb could be good at #still not sure how thay works. like do ppl who find spelling easy have better recall there for words they know?#do they VISUALIZE words moreso than picture them auditorily?#huh

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britneyinthewall · 2 years

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inspired by @blorbocedes post who has now gotten me on the sico train

“You left me no room”

Sebastian internally groans, he had known making the damn move that Nico was going to bitch about it but with adrenaline pumping through his veins and the chance of a win only a couple of laps away he had made a risky move that could have sent them both spinning into gravel, but thankfully they used whatever “respect” between them that they had to give each other just enough space so Sebastian could pass through but the rest of the race was spent trying to keep the other blonde from hitting him as for the last five laps Nico had been practically breathing down his neck until Lewis passed both blondes with only 2 laps to go. He sighs and turned around to face the sweaty blonde, who even though also ended up on the podium looked miserable (Sebastian thought Nico always looked sort of in a bad mood but more so than usual)

“Obviously I did leave you room or we both would have spun out” He retorts, putting on the second place cap and ignoring whatever cameras are near them, thankfully Nico also had the idea to speak in german (and quietly) as Sebastian doesn’t really want any more articles about how they are bad or “dysfunctional” teammates written by some nobody journalist that wants a hit story that’s already been written a million times before about how putting two similar young teammates together is a bad idea. Nico scoffs and Sebastian can see his eyebrows furrow even more.

“No you didn’t leave the room, I was smart and moved out of the way so we both could continue the race” Nico argues, and while a small (sensible) part of Sebastian's brain knows that Nico is right he would rather die than admit that so he just turns around, knowing that ignoring Nico pisses him off even more than arguing with him does and he can hear the other german sputter behind him as Lewis walks into the room, slipping on his first place hat with flushed cheeks and a wide smile on his face

“Seb, Nico” he greets them, grabbing a water bottle and hastily downing it and from the corner of his eye, he can see Nico pointedly staring at the other man which he chooses to ignore as they are practically being pushed out to go up to the podium.

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

While Seb can't always say he’s glad to have f1’s biggest drama queen as his teammate but hell does the other blonde know how to party

Before going to f1, Sebastian is pretty sure the only kinds of parties he had ever been to were your average birthdays, holidays, weddings, all that kind of stuff so now going into clubs with all the other drivers he often felt a little awkward because well he had no experience but having Nico around meant that there was never a dull moment. Going to the club with someone who not only lived in one of the best party cities ever as a kid but also was constantly invited to parties due to his father, meant that even at some whatever underground club in England only hours after the race like they were at the moment Sebastian was sure he was having the time of his life. He was watching Jenson and Lewis go head to head at a drinking competition, with Nico cheering on lewis and him Jenson meanwhile both looked ready to throw up, and eventually Lewis did. Nico jumping a mile back as the brit hurled in the nearest bin while Jenson drunkenly cheered before letting out a dangerous sounding burp and excusing himself to the bathroom. Sebastian went over to Nico, who was glaring at Lewis as he practically threw the 5 euros he bet Sebastian at him, and Sebastian decided against taunting Nico as the other blonde began to scold Lewis for losing while the poor guy was just barely getting down a glass of water Mark gave to him.

Once Jenson was back from the bathroom the party got back into full swing, and the more Sebastian drank the more he could feel the base of the pudding club music and the flashing lights. He was about to order another drink until Nico practically stumbled onto the stool next to him, a pout on his face and his eyes glazed

“What's wrong?” Sebastian questioned before asking the bartender for another beer and he noticed Jenson, Lewis, and some blonde girl with too much makeup on talking and it didn't take long for the dots to connect and he sighed.

“Never mind I got it,” He said and Nico groaned before looking up at Sebastian through his eyelashes, his cheeks flushed from his previous drinks.

“It's so stupid, I mean all of a sudden princess walks over and they completely forget about me! I mean seriously all she had over me is boobs” Nico mutters and Sebastian almost spits out his bear, and it burns as he swallows the rest from choking a little and he can't help but snort at Nico’s nickname for the girl as he’s pretty sure he can remember Jenson on more than one occasion calling Nico the same thing.

“Didn't realize how cute you got once you don't have any attention on you for one second Sebastian says dry and he swears he could feel the glare Nico was giving him.

“First of all I'm not pouty” Nico says, grabbing Sebastian's beer and taking a swing of it before Sebastian can even stop the other man “and second what's so interesting about her? She just likes them because they are rich and famous” Nico finishes and while Sebastian not going to disagree fueling whatever tantrum Nico is having won't help anyone so he stays silent but that doesn't work for long as Nico’s head springs up and Sebastian can see the mischievous shine in his glazed over eyes and well this is sure going to be interesting as he sits back and watches as Nico calls over the bartender who well enough was just getting drinks for Lewis, Jenson and the girl which then draws their attention from a couple of stools away towards the two blondes. Nico gives the bartender a sly smile and licks his lips like they are chapped, and with his already flushed face and strands of blonde hair which have fallen over his eyes, Sebastian swears Nico is trying to look straight out of a porn video and from just behind Nico he can swear he see Lewis and Jenson looking Nico while ignoring the girl who is still chattering about. Nico clears his throat and Sebastian internally sighs.

“Can I get a blowjob?” Nico asks a little too loudly (on purpose) and while it sounds lewd to Sebastian the bartender seems to know what Nico means and begins making a drink, quickly serving it to Nico who smiles before turning to Sebastian.

“Want to see a party trick,” He asks and Sebastian already knows Nico wants him to say yes and for the sake of it he nods, playing up his enthusiasm into the whole thing as he noticed they also gained Mark as part of the whole audience to whatever little game they are playing. Nico smiles and brushes his hair back as he grabs the shot glass by his mouth and swallows the shot whole, carefully putting it back down just as he picked it up and with a wet pop releasing the glass back onto the bar, not even sparing a glance towards Jenson or Lewis as he looks back over at Sebastian.

“Maybe I can teach you one day” He says (again a little too loudly) and well now Sebastian can’t back down so he enthusiastically agrees, because of course with now the attention of Lewis, Jensen and Mark he can't just not play along with Nico. The blonde suddenly gets up and nods towards the floor of sweaty drunk people dancing.

“Wanna dance I'm bored,” He says and before Sebastian can even answer he heads off towards the dance floor, and Sebastian follows towards the sea of people and if later that night when he’s truly wasted if he remembers him and Nico’s bodies pressed up against each other under the flashing lights and pounding music he chooses to forget it.

—--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Nico had been weird in their first couple weeks as teammates, not particularly mean but just weird. Sebastian had tried to get along but the other blonde didn't seem to be having it so he just left Nico alone, focusing on his goal of getting as many points in the championship as he could, not that it really mattered since Redbull seemed to have taken over by storm and only a couple races in lewis was the championship favorite but Sebastian felt that focusing on his own races could distract him from whatever weird team dynamic had formed between the two.

It had been like that until a qualifying session, or well after a qualifying session where Sebastian found himself sitting against a building talking to Jenson, Lewis, and Mark, Nico silently next to him. Mark had been mid-conversation, talking about how good the car or how traffic during qualifying was bad and it sucked how he couldn't put in another good lap or something like that was with Lewis nodding in agreement every so often and Jenson piping up to speak his mind when he heard Nico mutter something almost silently next to him

“If they don't stop talking about how fast their car is I'm going to feed them a brick in their sleep so their slow tomorrow,” He said looking over at Sebastian for a second before turning back to the three others talking and it took Sebastian a couple of seconds before he realized that Nico was joking

Sebastian almost didn't believe it, they had barely talked in the past couple of weeks, and out of nowhere Nico says the worst most badly timed joke Sebastian thinks he might have ever heard, a joke that was made up of too much explaining and had that no real punchline so Sebastian wasn't even sure it could be considered a joke but for some reason, the randomness of it and the look of accomplishment on Nico’s face like he had actually landed some kind of good one-liner made the stupid joke actually funny so Sebastian couldn't help but let out muffled laughter as he tried to drink from his water bottle and was failing to do so, which caught Jenson's attention.

“Something funny Seb?” He asked, raising an eyebrow as his eyes moved between Sebastian who was still laughing, and Nico who looked surprised that Sebastian was laughing at his joke. Sebastian took a breath before looking over at Jenson and with a straight face he said-

“Mark's face” The Australian sputtered in anger while Jenson started to cackle with Lewis giggling next to him. Mark looked ready to say something but a sudden yell from Christian Horner about how if they loitered around other team garages he would fire them both sent them practically running back into the Redbull garage and because Jenson decided to keep poking fun at Mark he followed leaving the two blondes alone.

Sebastian turned to Nico, who was looking over at the trio walking away

“Your jokes suck, that's how you joke,” He said and Nico whipped his head around to face him narrowing his eyes

“My joke was funny! At least mine had a point yours was just about Marks's face which isn’t even funny” Nico argued and Sebastian scoffed

“Explaining a joke makes it unfunny” Sebastian countered and Nico huffed

“Well no one gets my jokes if I don't explain them,” Nico said and Sebastian chuckled

“Well jokes that need to be explained usually aren't funny anyways” and before he could even finish his sentence he had to slightly duck not to be hit in the head with the towel that was around Nico’s neck

“Asshole” Nico muttered and Sebastian grinned at the annoyance on Nico’s face. He wanted to continue but a call from their own team boss to go over their own qualifying laps pulled them from the floor where they had been sitting on and as they walked over Sebastian couldn't stop himself from speaking just to rile Nico up

“Now that you are willing to actually talk to me which means you can actually stand me existence…can I call you Britney?”

He got properly slapped with the towel that time.

#yeah I did it #does it suck? yes #do i care? also yes but the entire time I was having random sico brainworms #like they had so much bad bitch potential and they wasted it #can you tell I haven't written anything in a while #making me think i should drop my ao3 user and dip #dont look at spelling and grammer mistakes or i might cry

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