#i didnt want to nit pick it forever
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Hiiiiiii <33333 so! I know we know next to nothing about fyodor and Nikolai’s relationship BUT I had an epiphany and since we know that fyodor is inspired by Ivan Karamazov and specifically the scene with his devil, how do you feel about Nikolai=Ivan Karamazov’s devil and whatever this implies???
Tomà idk if you love me or want to torment me by sending me this.
I haven't reread The Brothers Karamazov still (I read it when I was a teenager so my memory is not great) so I don't know that I'm a great person to ask about this at all. I'm also not great at analysis posts and I am doing this all on my phone. But I like you, so I want to try at least, so I reread the part with Ivan's conversation with the devil in his delirium. You're welcome.
Is this a good fit for Nikolai's role? I'm not so sure that it is.
Because what I get from that part is that Ivan is having a conversation with an apparition born from his delirious state, and that the "devil" exists within himself.
Not to say that he has no hope or is literally the devil, it makes sense with some of the other things the devil explains and the nature of the conversation that makes it seem like Ivan is angry for being in his mind. (It seems more like anger for him appearing and being in his room but if we are going off it being a hallucination influenced by Ivan's subconscious the room is his mind then that is where the devil actually is)
Wait a damn minute where else have we heard this reference to rooms...
"I am crime. I am punishment. Crime and punishment are close friends. Borders vanish. Rooms awaken. The incarnation of death, the master of the ability-consuming fog… Eat, howl, and make violence as your instinct desires. This is neither a loss of control nor a singularity." Fyodor Dostoyevsky - Dead Apple
**I'm going to come back to this after i finish explaining why I don't think Nikolai is fit to be representative of the devil to Fyodor's Ivan but you can probably already guess *who* i think is**
Anyways back on track sorry I'm not great at this sort of thing at all. So Ivan's conversation with the devil to me comes across as an internal struggle between good and evil. The devil's statements (and he really does most of the talking) are around the nature of the devil and the idea of the necessity of evil (the devil goes as far as to say nothing would happen without evil, like if there was nothing to go against there would be no events and nothing to life). He also explains the devil exists in everyone's daily lives in mundane ways, but also that the devil (and God) can exist inside of people too.
“All the rest around me, all those worlds, God, even Satan himself – for me all that is unproven, whether it exists in itself, or is only my emanation, a consistent development of my, I, which exists pre-temporally and uniquely”
There is also a part where the devil explains that without him, there would be nothing but hosanna (/joy) and that life of nothing but joy isn't a life really at all, basically saying that it would be a life with nothing happening and no suffering but a life without suffering and only joy could be it's own hell.
This is doesn't really align with Nikolai's beliefs right? He sees awareness of what he views as the cage he (and people that just aren't aware) is in as the cause of his issues. That people are unaware that they aren't truly free, but he is aware and has to rid himself of what he views as chaining him (settling on his feelings for Fyodor in the end).
Now you could argue that maybe Nikolai would agree with the devil here in the sense that a life of blissful unawareness is similar to a life of nothing but joy, with nothing happening, and that is a hell in and of itself. But I think they are talking about two different things, because I don't think Nikolai thinks people who aren't aware of their cage lack suffering, or lack the existence of evil in their day to day lives. They don't have that life of nothing but joy that the devil is talking about so I don't think they mesh well enough to say it works as a representation of Nikolai.
Also, Nikolai doesn't appear to be trying to convince Fyodor of ideas, his battle is with himself, so that also doesn't fit the role of the devil in this chapter I don't think not for Fyodor.
Basically, none of this to me is screaming Nikolai. But if you had ideas as to why you think it does I'm definitely down to hear them.
If Fyodor is inspired by this scene in tbk it think this means that Fyodor is Ivan and Fyodor's ability (or also Fyodor himself at the same time) is the devil. Because the devil in the form Ivan witnesses is part of Ivan in the first place, it comes from his mind, and from what I rememeber he is lonely in comparison to the other characters in that book, so who does he wrestle with these issues with around his guilt and concerns? Himself, and he figures out his path from there. Ivan even says it himself to the devil at one point, "You are myself.”
The words the devil speaks and the concepts he argues aren't created from nothing, but related to the role of Satan and evil, this is just him essentially arguing outloud with himself about these things. It also why he probably is really not into accepting a lot of the ideas about faith the devil also explains to him, because it is like he is presenting them to himself via hallucination.
Anyways I am absolutely rambling, so back to the dead apple quote.
"I am crime. I am punishment. Crime and punishment are close friends. Borders vanish. Rooms awaken."
If the devil is born of Ivan's psyche and loneliness is that not similar to a sort of friend? The devil appears in his feverish delerium, maybe exactly when he needs him to, to have this conversation about evil, God, and challenging Ivan's reliance on logic. Maybe you could argue the border between the "devil" or "evil" in him and the rest of him disappeared for that moment, and "the devil" awoke in his room with him, letting them talk as if he was a separate being.
Maybe that's Fyodor, and the writers for dead apple (since they got that speech from Asagiri about Fyodor's character) took inspiration from that?
To me, Nikolai doesn't have anything to do with it. And that also makes sense I think, because from what we do see with their relationship and Nikolai's own words, he didn't know him very well. It didn't sound like they were very close or had deep conversations prior with what Nikolai said after his death.
Plus when you take into account the breakdown that might be lies or might have truth where he says he was weak and his ability took over because of that, and that his ability is evil, the constant references to him being a demon, and the weird differences between Fyodor's separated ability in dead apple compared to everyone else's.
I think there is more of an argument to be made that Fyodor's ability is more akin to the devil in The Brothers Karamazov in that chapter, or Fyodor himself is both. That he's based off Ivan in that scene and the devil is part of Ivan's psyche because of his condition, so Fyodor is both because that part is also a part of him as well. But since abilities are tied so closely to their users, it makes sense either way to me.
#sry if this is disjointed and incoherent i wrote so much just to disagree with you but it made me think and also break out tbk to do so#when i havent even read it since like 2006 and havent started my reread of it yet even though i said i would#so im mostly joking about the torment thank you so much for the ask tomà im mostly touched that you thought to send this to me#bsd analysis#bsd fyodor#bsd nikolai#bsd#ill tag this but sry sry i did this on my phone pretty quickly#but i am totally down to hear other ppls takes or potential additions on it so that is why#-Lue asks#sry for any grammer and spelling errors too i might edit this later idk#i didnt want to nit pick it forever
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☁︎ 𝐃𝐢𝐬𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐞𝐝 ☁︎
Summary // Tali has a heart to heart with Chan, and the Dreamies experience Tali's child like personality when she is really happy.
Characters // Talia Flores + Bang Chan (ft. Dreamies expect Mark, Doyoung)
Era / Year // October 2017
Word Count //
Bold // English
⚠️Warning⚠️ // Breakdown
"Chan its gonna be okay, its not your fault it was never your fault and never will be."
It was the middle of a survival show of the creation of Straykids, Minho not to long ago got eliminated. She went over to his house and brung him food to cheer him up and she promised him that when she had free time she would help him with singing plus rapping. Then just last night Felix got eliminated just because he couldn't speak Korean properly, deep down she felt guilty not teaching him Korean, but she was busy with schedules she couldn't. After Chan walked him to his home, she just finished practice and went to Felix's house to comfort him. He felt so guilty and her heart broke at her friend feeling guilty he couldn't speak a language.
Korean was hard to learn from an english speaker perspective. It was like the opposite of English. She striked a deal with him at least once a week she would help him with Korean, inperson or through a screen since she did have to go on tour.
After she left Felix's place after putting him to sleep. She went to the person who felt most guilty.
She went into JYP building heading towards the studio where Chan usually is. He always in there, either producing, or avoiding his problems and feelings. She heard music, it was Hellevator, she heard it replay over and over again. She knocked on the door, the music stopped and it revealed a tried Chan.
"Hey sweetie" Tali smiled at him sadly she came in and sat on one of the chairs. Chan sat down on his chair and just looked at her. Then he just started to breakdown.
"I- I- I failed the- them Tali." Chan choked up crouched down in Tali's stomach.
"No, no you didn't Chan you tried your be-"
"NO I DIDN'T, I LET THEM GET ELIMINATED TALI....its my fault, I failed them, I promised we would debut together Tali....I promised them." Chan sobbed. Promises to them meant a lot to them. So when Chan couldn't keep that promise it broke him.
"Chan its gonna be okay, its not your fault it was never your fault and never will be." Tali comforted Chan petting his hair trying to calm him down.
"They don't blame you, they don't hate you, as long as you keep trying and helping each other you guys will make it. Jyp was just nit picky. This is not your fault." Tali said cupping his face whipping the tears off his face.
"But-" "No buts Channie, come on, lets go out for a bit, and get your mind off things" Tali suggested
Chan agreed.
They packed up at went to a open store and got some food and snacks. They went to a near by play ground and stayed there for a bit talking.
"Tali?"
"Hm?"
"How do you handle it?"
"Handle what?"
"The hate?"
Tali stopped at the question. She looked up at him in confusion. "What do you mean how do I handle the hate Channie?"
"Well, Ive been seeing some comments that, Im not a good leader or person and that im a f-"
"Shh hey hey, one that not true and two... I don't. Im not able to, but I don't show it. I usually distracted myself and not think about it. But they do get to me I am human."
"What about the staff?"
"Oh the staff are still asswholes to me and the Chinese line. I record whats she said about boys and me. Also that she left a member behind and got in the car instead. Honestly one more thing from her, she out." Chan laughed at her statement, but knowing she was serious. She hated when people get discriminated, she doesn't care if she does, only the people around her. So a staff member came she started acting like the boss and mistreating the chinese members which got Tali pissed.
Whether the boys or the staff know it she has a lot of power. Sm made her co-leader for a reason and that is to point out any staff mistreating members and setting them straight or firing them. They know she honest and knows how the entertainment system works. So they trust her who ever can't handle the idols or treat the idols properly and are reported by her. They will get fired so quick. So most staff that worked with her before know this and they know not to tell new staff because the staff themselves don't want a problems in the future because of another staff member.
"So one more strike huh?"Tali looked up at him.
"Yeah" she said quietly.
"How are you and Han?" Tali frozed at the boy's name.
"Fine" Chan raised an eyebrow at her.
"Fine? Really that all you gonna give me?"Tali sighed at the statement.
"Well, I don't know, its just. Its hard. He didn't believe me Chan. When he promised he would be there. He left me." Tali said quietly.
Chan was saddened that she still was unsure of her friendship with the boy. He made a promise he shouldn't have and didn't believe her words and left her, then expected when she forgive him everything would go back to normal. Which did, from the outside. People who did know Tali, would know it wasnt gonna go back to normal anytime soon.
When Tali talkes to people she cares about, her eyes have this light about them. But when she is unsure of the person a doubts them she has this sheild which would take a pretty long time to get down. It took Han since 2015 to atleast get Tali to talk to him again, 2 years. She was scared.
"You know he cares about you right? That he loves you like the rest of us?"Tali looked at Chan with doubt in her eyes.
"Does he really tho?"
"Tali.." Chan went infont of her and grabbed her hands.
"He really cares about you, do you think the guy will try to make you talk with him for around 2 years for him not to care about you?"
"I- Im just scared that he won't believe me.........that he'll leave."
"Tali if he does ever hurt you, you can always drop him, you are scarily good at that" Channie joked
Tali giggled
"Chan?"
"Yeah?"
"I'm afraid."
"You're afraid of what?"
"I'm afraid my group is gonna do that to me....not believe me, break promises, and leave me."
"Hey they won't, as long as you trust them I believe that it won't happen." Tali was stuck in thought.
"....what if they ask about my family....what do I say?"
"...do you want them to know?" "....no"
"Then tell them your not comfortable talking about your family"
"But what if they feel hurt when they find out you guys know and not them?" Tali said filled with gulit.
Chan sighed for once not knowing how to reassure the girl. Because if he was in the group and found out that a completely different group is closer to their only female member. He would feel sad and bitter. So Chan just hugged the girl to reassure her to gonna be okay.
Tali basked in this moment knowing nothing last forever, then realized something.
"...wait a minute shouldn't this be the other way around?"
"Shh no its fine" "No its not fine switch me"
"Tali its fine"
"No-"
"I swear Talia we are not fighting about this again"
They started bickering about who comforts who then she got a phone call.
She flinched at the sound and cursed in her mind realizing what time it is and how she didnt tell ANYONE she left the house. She turned the phone and sees the ID number as Doyoung. She cursed out loud, she was really hoping it was Taeyong.
"Hey language" Chan joked, Tali just glared at him. She picked up the phone scared if there was gonna be either yelling or a scary calm Doyoung
"Hell-"
"HELLO MY ASS WHERE ARE YOU ITS 1 AM IN THE MORNING AND YOUR NOT BACK HOME YOU MIGHT BE 18 (17) BUT YOUR STILL YOUNG!" Tali cringed.
"Im at the park, I was spending time with an old friend I lost track of time sorry." Tali said sheepishly.
"Its fine just come back home the dreamies were in panick when you didn't come back to the dorms so just go there and make sure your friend takes you there....wait is it a g-"
"Omg look at the time, its getting late thanks for calling me oppa im gonna go now bye!"
"Wai-" Tali cut him off and ended the call. She knew if she said it was a guy they will go all investigative mode and try to find out who the guy is.
Chan smacked the back of her head.
"Ow what was that for?!" Talia whinced while rubbing her head.
"For worrying your members and ending the call early, Talia you should know better." Chan said jokingly, shaking his head and pointing at her.
Tali smacked his finger and made are you serious face at him.
"You can't say anything, rememb-"
"Nope, this is not the time." Chan cut her off putting his hand over her mouth and dragging her off the park to the dreamies dorm.
"We are here thanks for walking me." Tali turned and hugged Chan knowing she won't see him for awhile. Chan just gave her a warm smile.
"No problem anything for our Butterfly." Tali smiled at the nickname. Remembering all times they have been together.
"Thank you for everything Channie, I really appreciate you." Tali said still hugging him looking up at him with this light in her eyes like Chan first saw when he was able to get closer to her. He always cherished that moment because it showed that she trusted him. Her eyes just poured out her emotions, it took time to able to read them but it was all worth it, and he would do it all over again.
"Always, I will keep my promise to you, and to him." He said rubbing her head. Tali's eyes changed when she thought about him, not sad ones more like grateful. Tali let him go and she went inside and waved him goodbye.
She went up the elevator, reminiscing the old times, even though it came to an end she still had part of them left with her as she held her locket in her palm looking at a picture that she cherished so much closing it back again once she was on the floor of the dreamies apartment.
She was at the door preparing herself for either a scolding or affection, probably both.
She unlocked the door and Jaemin tackled her to the ground.
"WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN I WAS WORRIED SICK SOMEONE HAD TAKEN YOU FROM US." Jaemin scolded her while he was squishing her. Then he picked her up and she went back on the ground by the 2 mankaes.
"Why didn't you at least text us" "Yeah I came in your room for cuddles and you weren't there." Chenle pouted while Jisung scolded. Tali giggled but she felt guilty for making them worried.
"Im sorry I didn't mean too. I was just visiting some friends I haven't seen in awhile." Tali said sheepishly.
"Wow so you left us for them wow." Haechan said with a betrayed face. Tali rolled her eyes at the boy running up to him and hugging him. He was surprised at the contact, Tali at the time wasn't big on skinship so she never really did it herself.
"Don't be a baby, I saw you all this morning and afternoon. I haven't seen them in a long time, how about this we can see a movie in my room for the night hm?" Tali pouted, she didn't want to get scolded.
The boys have never seen Tali act this cute and touchy before. They were loving it.
"Hm? How about we cook and then watch a movie?" Haechan inquired trying to see how long her cuteness will last. Her eyes brightened at the idea she let him go and clapped her hands.
"Yes pleaasee." Tali giggled. Tali was acting her age, which was the first time in forever, they didn't know how. But they were taking advantage of it.
"Lets start cooking, hm?" Jeno said while rubbing Tali's head. Tali looked him and gave him her famous smile that would literally make his hearts burst.
"Come on Tali, help me prepare~" Renjun said while grabbing Tali and gently leading her to the kitchen.
Everyone just stood in place for a couple seconds. Processing what they just witnessed.
"Hyung, what did we just witnessed?" Jisung asked
"I don't know, but I loved every single moment of that." Haechan said, Then Tali popped out with a cute apron on with Renjun behind her smiling at her fondly.
"You guys wanna help?" Tali said cutely, everyone gushed on how adorable was being. They didn't know but when ever she hangs out with Straykids she has this kid like persona come out of her and even afterwards, and thats what they are seeing, she just grew up with Nct and Straykids differently she acts an adult with Nct while Straykids she acts her age maybe a little younger. So when she left Chan she was in a happy mood and that continued to now.
They all looked at each other and then back at Tali.
"Of course Princess."
#nct#nct 127#nct dream#nct u#nct additional member#nct 2020#nct dream 8th member#nct au#nct tali#nct 24th member#nct jeno#nct jaemin#nct jisung#nct chenle#nct haechan#nct mark#straykids bang chan#straykids felix#straykids minho
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gif makin’
alright! I had a friend say they wanted to learn how to make gifs so: here’s how I do em!
disclaimer: I do it different for non-theatre gifs, but for this im gonna be focusing on giffing theatrical moments
ALRIGHT. first of all: find what you want to gif. download it, take it from YouTube, whatever, you just need to have the file on your computer
then you’re gonna import it. I use photoshop, but there are plenty of other alternatives, but this is what I use because of school. you are going to import video frames to layers
From there, you’ll be prompted to select the portion of your video you want to import! I didn’t screenshot mine, but I'm just giffing the opening of act 2 of bandstand where Johnny walks across the stage
when you import it, you’ll get a little bar like this along the bottom:
every one of these is a frame of video and my little section is almost 200 frames long, which is WAY too long. my rule of thumb for myself is not to go over 100 frames, but even then I think 100 frames can be kinda lengthy. photoshop sets gifs at 30 frames per second (fps) which means when you export it at 100 frames it’ll be kinda long. if that’s what you want, cool! if not, you just might have to make more gifs for your set or just pick and choose what parts you gif. there’s no real wrong way to do it.
so, I'm going to shorten my gif down to 100 frames, just for the sake of it being that max number for this tutorial. then I'm gonna change the time of each frame by selecting all the frames
then youre gonna click on one of those little .03′s and click ‘other’. I usually go somewhere between .06-.08-ish seconds, but again this is gonna be a thing you have to play around with and figure out what you like personally!
(something I already have done because I've done it before and just left it is that in that bottom left hand corner, there's a thing that looks like this:
you’re going to want to change it so it does say forever, not ‘once’ or ‘three times’ or whatever)
next I’m going to crop the gif. for reference, you’ll see dimensions as (number)x(number), the first number being the width and the second by height. the widest you can make a gif is 540 px on Tumblr, and the length doesn’t really matter as much, since the post can just get longer.
for this gif I'm going to crop it to about 540x296 (usually I'd do 540x300 but the length of the video is literally 296 px).
next, you’re going to convert to video timeline. then you’re gonna get something like this
then you’re going to select them all (which I already did in the above screenshot) and go layer > smart objects > convert to smart object so that you combine all of those frames into one video layer. then you got one neat little video layer like this
so! if I were to wash my hands and say ‘alright, I'm done’, this is what the gif would look like:
not too awful! but I can make it better. it’s a little dull and the colors are a little....bleh. if you’re gonna gif, play around with the settings yourself! mine are just my preferences
that being said: I try to just get it like the original video, not put my own little spin on it. Since I’m giffing a show people worked very hard to costume, light, etc, I want to show you the exact same thing you see in a video!
I basically took brightness and contrast up to +10 each, called it good esp bc I didnt want to nit pick this
so youre gonna go file > export > save for web
I then use these settings:
AND something important is you’re going to want to do is make sure its 5MB or less. mine is a little bigger, so I'm going to go back, make the gif shorter, and then export it.
NOTE: something I ran into trouble with at first is saving it so it’ll upload. as a precaution I now save everything as “name.gif”, not just “name”
and, drum role please, this is my finished product!
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