#like sorry for being a basic bitch or whatever but the horror and the wild by the amazing devil really does fit them | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

whaleofatjme1920 · 3 years

Note

hi! i havent like... seen anything about matchups being closed or open or whatever so honest to god just do this whenever you feel up to it, theres no rush at all!!

i am 18, i use it/he pronouns (im AFAB), and im gay! im looking for a romantic matchup?

im about 5'9, i have curly shoulder length blonde hair (although the colour changes a LOT, im always dying it) and blue eyes! i have a couple of piercings in my nose and ears, and im very pale with pretty big dark circles, think like... a chronically exhausted raccoon. im a little chubby and curvy, and my posture is awful

i have a very light dash of freckles and an uneven smile, and my laugh has been described as "if you were to type ahahaha", i assume they mean i pronounce it really specifically but i dont know!

my sun sign is gemini, my moon is taurus and my rising is aries. i can be either very tired and reserved, or erratic and hyper depending on how im feeling. i have ADHD which leaves me very scatterbrained, and i cant always hold a train of thought of a conversation very well. my love language is gift giving and physical contact, and i love love LOVE horror movies and games, the gorier the better!

i have times where i like to be either along, or with someone but in relative quiet, because sometimes the world is a bitch and i dont wanna deal with it!!

i also try to be as caring as possible, although i have to admit i can come off as really blunt sometimes, but i do really care and try to be there for people as much as possible! im kinda like a dad friend and im fiercely overprotective of my loved ones. i also suffer from anxiety and paranoia, which does interfere with my relationships in negative ways, but i always listen to the other person and try to work out any problems with them

my style is kinda like a mix between grunge, and the skatig/stoner scene. a lot of baggy shirts and jeans + layers, although i hate makeup and hats with a passion. i love accessories too: necklaces and bracelets and bangles and earrings!

i love heavy metal, but i also love other genres of music like indie, and bedroom pop and 80s music! basically: if i hear a somg i like no matter what genre ill listen to it :D

i love horror, but i also love comedies and chick flicks way too much! my rom is full of posters and candles and incense holders. i also smoke, which isnt something im overly proud of but its a part of my life

in an NSFW sense, im a verse switch, i can do anything! i like a lot of kinks, like praise + degradation, bondage, weapons, itd honestly be easier to say what im not into (bodily fluids + general grossness really. im open to try absolutely anything) as long as i know what im getting into and have time to do a lot of research!

thats pretty much it for me lol, tale as much time as u need obviously and im sososo sorry if ur matchups r closed !!

Your matchup is… Laughing Jack!

Read more because of NSFW :}

In General:

Once again, I am entirely governed by my intuition when I write these and for some almost unholy reason, this time, it was screeching Laughing Jack! I took a moment to think about the others, maybe Masky? Maybe EJ? BEN, if I knew him better? It might be the gemini, or the taurus moon, hell maybe it was the kinks? But, I am living for this matchup and I am going to explain in great detail. Thank you.

Things he likes about you:

The first thing I actually liked about this ask was the height thing lmfao. I was like “yeah. Good” and I just think LJ would really enjoy that too. Your blond hair is really, really nice to him! He will thread his claw like fingers through it, and mention the different colors it looks like AND HE WILL GO WILD WHEN YOU DYE IT. OMFG please show this clown the dyes he will help you with it and he will love it. He’ll call you different pet names off the colors lmfao. Your eyes are so beautiful to him he will never stop comparing them to blue raspberry though. I don’t make the rules. He would absolutely do that. He thinks you’re so handsome though like let him just wrap his expando arms around you and hold you. Your freckles and your smile make his heart just expand??? Like, he can’t explain it but it’s so dashing and darling to him! Your laugh too!! Like it’s so darling he could listen to it all day. Just loves your voice. Also likes that you like gore. Have you met this man? ABsolutely. Your style also melds really well with him tbh. I think the two of you would actually be really aesthetic. He loves your piercings so much!!! Let him admire them!! I also think LJ likes the movies/genres you mentioned so that’s pretty nice too.

General cute stuff:

SO I see so many cute things happening between the two of you and my heart is gone. Out the window because of it. On the genres and movies?? Have movie dates with the clown!! He actually really likes chick flicks too and will always be up to watching them with you. Also likes heavy metal, so jam out with him. He’s also a big “I will listen to anything and if I like it, I like it” kind of guy so like, I can see music dates being a thing too. LJ tends to shift through moods as well, sometimes gets a little confused, but y’know I think he’d get along with someone who can understand him. Furthermore, I think he’s also big on gift giving and physical contact. Depends on the foods you like, but he’s a big “I will bake stuff for you” kind of guy. Also loves physical contact. Is he touch starved? No. Does he still want to pick you up and encase you in his arms and love you and pepper your face in kisses? Absolutely yes!! LJ admittedly isn’t the best for quiet but he will try his hardest for you. Just those soft moments, y’know? I can also see you two just cuddling with each other, humming or in the kitchen together swaying and having a really nice time. Just SOFT.

You two as a couple & NSFW:

SO, I think LJ would be a super attentive lover. Your anxiety and paranoia, for instance? LJ just wants the best for you and to make sure you’re safe, happy and healthy. He’d be really, really patient and understanding and I think he’s actually just really good on communication! So, as long as you’re willing to communicate with him, I think things would go pretty well. You also mentioned liking comedies so please laugh with him and have fun!! I also think that LJ would mention your posture every now and then but that’s literally just because he wants you to have a nice spine. He might bring it up when he sees it’s really not ideal. Just know he’s doing it because he loves you. He’s also really helpful if you were thinking about something and then lost the thought. So just, let him remind you. Then again, if it ever gets annoying or anything, just tell him and he’ll back off. He finds it so sweet that you’re caring and a dad friend, he needs someone like that in his life! But, the blunt thing? He could use that too. He’s admittedly blunt himself and not one to sugarcoat anything, so like, please throw it back at him. He’s also protective himself! Will buy you cool posters and incense he thinks you like. Candles too! And y’know, he’s got you 100% Just adores everything about you. From your laugh, to your physical appearance, and you as a person on the inside. It’s all so admirable to him and he loves you so, so much.

I feel like the kinks often solidify how I feel about a ship and in this case, it was pretty definitive. Everything you said seemed to line up oh so perfectly with LJ imo. LJ is the perfect mixture of praise and degradation or whatever you’re in the mood for. One minute he’s calling you a good boy and the next he’s calling you a whore or whatever else you like to be called. Looks you in the eye, rough, domineering, and ties you up in the most delicious ways possible. Will make it hard to breathe with how much pleasure he’s giving you. He’s also relatively flexible! Both figuratively and literally! If you challenge him or manage to wrangle him down, he will live for your work on him. Just make him yours, please. Weapons? Do…. Do…. Do his claws count? He will trail those up and down your body while fucking you, making you wonder if he’s gonna cut or not. Is he going to leave marks? Maybe. You taste so sweet to him. He’s also got a thing for cum so like, have fun with that. Both his and yours. Y’know cinnamon buns? All that white cream? Frosting dripping everywhere? That. You are the cinnamon bun. Make of that what you will

Closing Thoughts/Other Things:

Hi love bug! No, don’t apologize for anything, I feel as if I should apologize to you (and everyone else who isn’t sure on the status of my matchups and stuff) for not making it clear from the get go that everything is open unless I’ve said otherwise! That’s 100% my bad, and I apologize for not communicating that more clearly to you, and everyone else. Other than that, oh my goodness I loved reading this! You seem like such a wonderful person. I love candles and incense holders too so tell me about yours! My favorite incense holder I have rn is a koi fish pond. Anyways, as per usual, let me know what you think and I hope you enjoyed! <3

#laughing jack #laughing jack x reader #laughing jack headcanon #lj #creepypasta #creepypasta matchup #matchup #nsft #conversations with a fish woman

15 notes · View notes

yarrowleef · 3 years

Text

Read Darkness Within all in one sitting last night and then passed out so here are my scattered thoughts i wrote down as i read, (afterthoughts in parenthesis)

Darkness Within Spoilers, obv

UGH GOD THE SECOND HAND EMBARRESMENT FROM SQUIRREL FAKE FLIRTING WITH ASHFUR IT HURTS

Just remembered Sandynose died and got a small boost of happiness (will Hawkwing and Plumwillow ever be allowed to talk again now? I mean probly not b/c they aren’t protags and non-protags don’t rly have friends but I can hope. Sorry, Hawkwhing and Plumwillow’s short-lived friendship in Hawkwings Journey was one of the last times I felt something)

Ghost fleas lol

Mothwing: i’m rude now. (but more importantly, Fuck Tigerheartstar for forcing his son to be around the cat that hurt him so badly, like he HAS to know how upset everyone is regarding Shadowsight and his accidentally helping the imposter, and he’s making him be the sole one to tend to him??? There is NO REASON Puddleshine couldn’t have done it. You think Puddleshine is going to try and murder someone?? )

Oh no don't make this a traveling book, and a ROOTBRISTLE traveling book this is going to be insufferable

BACON AND EGGS

Lightleap Is Good (Hey didn’t Shadowsight have another sister? lets be real we all knew Pouncekit was going to end up as the forgettable 3rd one)

Bristlefrost’s crush continues to feel unnatural to me. It’s like she’s grasping at straws romanticizing the most generic things.....wow....I love how ur just so...bare minimum competent....being polite to the loner we came all this way to ask for help like any somewhat reasonable person would....How admirable...I love the way you just *clenches fist* exhibit some basic traits of loyalty and skill that literally every warrior has (I s2g I’m this close to head canon-ing Bristle as a clueless aromantic who doesn't understand what romance is actually suppose to feel like so she just looks at feelings of low-bar admiration and assumes “oh I guess this is that “romantic attraction” everyone’s always talking about? guess I must be in love???” because both her crushes have felt out of nowhere and like. Idk fake/forced sounding like she’s just telling me that that she’s In Love Now while I continue to not actually feel it at all from her end. I know it’s just that I hate the way Erin’s write female characters in love but this head-canon makes me laugh)

Got scared because I thought they were going to villainize Spotfur for not wanting kits for a minute, but also excited at the concept of maybe exploring a female character that doesn’t want to be a mother, but it turns out she was just pulling a Sparkpelt and actually DID want the kits all along and was only hesitant because she’s sad. Shrug oh well. (the only female character in warriors that was distinctly upset about pregnancy and motherhood was Lizardstripe and as we all know she was eeeeeevil and abusive and “overly ambitious” because why else would you not come around to being happy about motherhood?? YES I’M STILL SALTY ABOUT YELLOWFANG’S SECRET, BAD BOOK) Whatever it’s fine so long as Spot doesn’t lose her rebel leader spirit forever and default to “soft mom” personality for the rest of her life, I gotta have hope because I actually like Bristle and Spot’s current relationship. Also I am actually very grateful they never made Bristle resentful at Spot for getting with her crush, as lots of middle grade/YA media has a very bad habit of demonizing female romantic “competition” and its super gross, so I rly do like that Bristlefrost is so protective and caring towards her instead. )

This series is trying to tell me that Rootspring is actually Big but I refuse to accept that. he has dumb scrawny bitch energy and we all know it

Sunrise: “Thunderclan may be better with a new leader” lol go off (i mean........they right tho...It’s unfortunate that the tension in this whole plot is a bit dampened by the fact that i DO in fact want bramble to die v badly. I don’t even have special hatred for him, I’m just bored of him.)

Yes Lionblaze beat the shit out of Ashfur

*HOLY SHIT THAT’S FUCKED!!!! (I wrote this in reference to the ghost summoning scene, this was all I could manage at the time, that scene was WILD and I am VIBING WITH THE HORROR OF IT ALL)

* Brashfur: Oh yeah? Could Ashfur fake THIS? *stands up with slightly better posture* Shadowsight: oh damn you got me there...... (asdfhhfhhgh im sorry that was really funny, how did that prove anything?? ONLY A ~REAL~ WARRIOR COULD STAND UP STRAIGHT WE ALL KNOW ASHFUR IS INCAPABLE OF GOOD POSTURE!)

End of the book: *LAUGHING NERVOUSLY* WHAT THE FUCK??? (I thought he was just gonna kill Squirrelflight right there holy shit can you imagine the RIOTS that would ensue in the wake of all this Squirrel/Bramble discourse I was so scared for a second.

But it’s fine, she just....went to super hell instead......Warriors has come so far lmao WHAT IS HAPPENING

Final Notes:

*On Mothwing, I don’t think her behavior struck me as “CHARACTER BUTCHERING” as much as it did for other people? I mean.....Warriors fans will say that literally any time a character does ANYTHING less then perfectly nice I think her actions just seemed that much harsher because we are reading from Shadowsight’s POV, and Shadowsight is taking everything 10x more personally right now (understandably so, but Mothwing isn’t inside his head) she wasn’t trying to hurt him. Also... like... Shadowsight DID get his name too early. It’s not Mothwing’s job to put his feelings above everything else, she’s not even his mentor, Puddleshine on the other hand, as his main mentor, I don’t understand what his deal is ignoring Shadowsight, that’s not how you help an apprentice but I suppose I chalk many of his mistakes up to also not being the most experienced medicine cat (he barely even had his own mentor.) Maybe he’s distant because he feels guilty and actually blames himself for not guiding Shadowsight better?? the two of them haven’t communicated about it yet so idk

any way I give Mothwing a pass to be a little short tempered right now as a cat who has had her abilities periodically questioned all her life no matter how hard she works or how much experience she has, just because she doesn’t vibe with the spiritual cult side of the clans, I can understand why she’s a bit defensive of being questioned and frustrated watching so much hurt happen Yet Again due to reliance on StarClan visions over common sense, and I for one still stan her for slandering StarClan and refusing to accept Mistystar’s bullshit banishing like everyone else. Sometimes a character is at the end of their rope and can’t manage to be 100% nice 24/7 and that’s maybe not inherently bad writing? idk just my hot take. At a certain point we all gotta reckon with the fact that our perception of most popular supporting characters in heavily colored by fanon and we can’t always get mad at the authors for not adhering to it

*The sisters magic shit is my fav worldbuilding warriors has had in AGES, I love the way it’s described and it actually feels like it adds something to this world. I love this horror imagery with the ghosts, very excited for that.

*still won’t be thrilled if Ashfur is working alone, because his motive doesn’t make sense right now. I mean the trying to get Squilf thing, sure, whatever, but the “I will make everyone pay for what they did to me”???? cause like?? Who??? they didn’t do anything to him?? Ashfur’s grievance was very specifically JUST Squilf. He has no other cause for revenge, he had no other beef or complaints about the clans to my knowledge? The cat that killed him is dead, and she’s like, the only other one that I could see as having “wronged” him?? I guess he also didn’t like Firestar much according to Graystripe’s Vow (and on account of how willing he was to kill him w/ Hawkfrost) but Firestar is ALSO dead. I don’t understand his angle. Will have to see last 2 books to judge i suppose.

*All in all I am interested to see where this is going!! but also the pacing as I feared is becoming a major issue. It’s better then ending the main conflict on book 3 like Vision of Shadows did, but omg. Hardly anything happened in all these pages. I realized I was over half way through and nothing about the situation had actually CHANGED or advanced at all in all that time. Similar to the past 2 books which I believe could have been combined, this plot felt like it should have been the first half of a book. Discussing whether or not to kill the imposter isn’t much of a standalone plot, it’s just the set up to a plot. Finding the sisters didn’t need to be a whole long thing, the debates about the Imposters fate didn’t need to be repeated 10 times, all those chapters illustrating that “Shadowsight is sad” were also drawn out, repetitive, and interchangeable, we probably only needed 2 or so chapters showing his struggles to get the necessary information across. It felt like a lot of padding, it was really slow and I did a lot of skimming. I am still very interested in the overarching plot and mystery behind the ghosts so that kept me reading but man this “will they won’t they kill him” plot did not justify it’s own whole book. Alas this is a persisting issue that will never be resolved while they continue to force 6 books into 1 series that doesn’t need 6 books. I’m sure the writers are doing the best they can with these unfortunate constraints but still, it’s a wonder this slow padding isn’t more of a detriment to their younger readers that the books are supposed to be marketed to.

#warrior cats #the broken code #darkness within #the darkness within #darkness within spoilers #wc tbc #tbc #is that enough tags #yarrow speaks #wc criticism #long post #the broken code spoilers #warrior cats spoilers

55 notes · View notes

nat-20s · 3 years

Text

MEDIA THAT I RECOMMEND YOU CONSUME INSTEAD OF SUPERNATURAL FOR BOTH HEART AND HEALTH BROKEN DOWN BY TYPE OF MEDIA AND WHY YOU MIGHT LIKE IT IF AT ANY POINT YOU, LIKE MY POOR POOR SEVENTEEN YEAR OLD SELF, WERE INVESTED IN THIS ABSOLUTE GARBAGE FIRE OF A SHOW

with apologies to anyone on mobile who’s readmore function APPARENTLY doesn’t work

(I haven’t watched supernatural for at least five years and, given any sort of luck, I will never do so again, do not @ me)

hello babes. I am talking to you know bc I keep seeing supernatural, unironically, on my dash, and I think we can all do better. I see what’s happening and I think: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hU3i_o5Xd4g

Supernatural is fudge stripes. You are Megan. We can fix this.

So a list of alternate things that I think are overall better written/characterized/just generally more enjoyable that might scratch some of those itches:

TV SHOWS

Good Omens

okay look if u were on tumblr last year u probably already watched this show but like. If u haven’t, it’s only six episodes babe and there’s a large enough fandom that u can go down a fanart hole for days on end

Basic summary: the antichrist has reached that lovely young age where he’s supposed to bring about the apocalypse. An angel and a demon who have decided that actually they like the world as is, thank you very much, try to stop the end times. They’re not very good at it though, which makes for a comedy of errors.

Shared elements with supernatural that you might Vibe with: theologic (mostly christian) exploration/parody/imagery without inherently being a religious show. Fighting off the apocalypse narrative, which I think pretty much always goes hard as hell, but that’s just me. There’s a gay angel who’s socially awkward. There’s a fun very British demon. Touches on the hierarchies of heaven and hell, with framing Heaven as a bureaucracy and blurs the differences between angels and demons. Pining. Tenderness. A deep nostalgia for 80s music, though in this case it’s specifically queen, and who doesn’t love queen. Main character has a weirdly strong bond with his black vintage car. Satan is (sort of) fought.

Gravity Falls

sometimes...things that are kids shows...with a set story and a predetermined ending...are better

(also this isn’t relevant to any of what I’m talking about but I really appreciate that Gravity Falls specifically went against the thing that most begged me about ATLA aka that a 15 year old girl would be like yeah I’m into a 12 year old boy because the 12 year old boy has a crush on me and I apparently don’t get to really have a say in this. How does that make sense.)

Basic Summary: Twelve year old twins Dipper and Mabel go to stay with their Grunkle Stan for the summer in a small Oregon town called Gravity Falls. Turns out this town is filled with all sorts of strange phenomena that they often have to confront, work around, learn about, or befriend!

Shared elements with supernatural that you might Vibe with: The core focus of the show is a close sibling duo, but like It’s obvious that the siblings actually like and love each other and while they have their spats it’s still incredibly clear that they deeply care about each other even with their differences LIKE SORRY SUPERNATURAL YOU CAN’T JUST TELL ME THAT SIBLINGS CARE ABOUT EACH OTHER AND THEN THEY SPEND ALL THEIR TIME FIGHTING AND LYING TO EACH OTHER AND GENERALLY ACTING LIKE THEY CAN’T STAND EACH OTHER’S COMPANY BUT THEN OOOHHH YOU CRY ON TOP OF THE HOOD OF A CAR EVERY THREE EPISODE AND SUDDENLY THEY’RE SOULMATES OR WHATEVER

Anyway. Yeah. GF has a solid sibling dynamic. Monster of the week that builds up to greater over-arching plot. A little bit of body horror, you know, for humor. Fair amount of meta humor playing with the tropes of the genre. A Good Ol Big Bad that tries to pit the siblings against each other. Have to fight the apocalypse (you’ll see this point on like a good half of these recs, I really like ‘what are we gonna do about Armageddon’ media). Interesting creature design. Planned, satisfying ending (which supernatural absolutely does not have, but I still think if it had ended with the season 5 finale like it uhh pretty obviously was supposed to, that would sort of counted. Don’t revive shows that have clearly already told their stories kids.) Tie in media that gives you some fun extra stories when you miss the characters. (yes I read some of the supernatural novels when I was a c h i l d, yes I’m pretty sure there’s one or two of them still buried somewhere on my laptop, no I don’t wanna talk about it.) Older father figure (?) who owns a tbh kind of shitty shop. Both already in place and found family.

It’s a good show, and it’s two seasons. John Mulaney Voice: I dunno it’s 40 episodes

MINI REC ALERT! (mini recs are basically things that I’m not gonna go into detail about for whatever reason [probably either due to i’m not familiar enough with it OR I just don’t like. Have a bunch to say about it in regards to how it will scratch the itches presented to u by spn] but still seem like a Good Watch)

Mini Rec: Over The Garden Wall. Spooky Kids Media! Episodic! Miniseries so you can watch it in like 2 hours! Cool ass Animation! About two brothers encountering said spooky stuff! Big Bad tries to pit brothers against each other! Might haunt you for the rest of your life! Check it out!

The Haunting of Bly Manor

I think about this show every goddamn day of my life. (Also not relevant but Greg Sestero makes a brief cameo in it and I was like hi greg my friend greg!)

Basic Summary: An girl named Dani, while staying in London, decides to take on an Au Pair job for two young children, an older brother named Miles (age 10) and the younger sister Flora (age 8) at the spoooooky and mysteeerious Bly Manor, and she gets far more than she bargained for.

Shared elements with supernatural that you might Vibe with: Okay so supernatural doesn’t actually do this but I know I KNOW why we let ourselves be queerbaited in 2012. Four words for you: CENTRAL! GAY! TRAGIC! ROMANCE! You want some pining? Some tenderness? Some LOVE? Some dealing with internalized homophobia but no, like, actual violent onscreen homophobia? HAVE I GOT THE SHOW FOR YOU. If ur favorite episodes where the ones that make you sob (for me it was kevin’s death on god), I recommend this show. If you wished that supernatural literally ever had consequences or perma deaths or didn’t retcon major plot events like every five goddamn episodes so that there could be some exploration of like grief and trauma through the lens of/ higher stakes of horror, I recommend this show. If you really do stay up at night picturing a supernatural that wasn’t made by dumbass cishettie white men hack writers but was actually allowed to have Dean and Cas be in love over the course of the show so they could have like actual development and not the most homophobic gay reveal of all time, I recommend this show. Hell, if you just want a banger ghost story in general, I recommend this show.

As for what they actually have in common: horror setting/aesthetic without actually being all that scary most of the time. A strong sibling duo, though they’re not nearly as much of the focus of Bly Manor. Found family. Strong themes of grief. Questions of what turns someone into a monster (and done much better) An actual, much better noble sacrifice done out of love. Escalation of stakes until there’s a big final confrontation. Semi-big bad trying to tear this family apart. Found and pre-installed family. Sad orphans.

Watch this show. Vibe with me. Cry with me. Yell at me about Owen Sharma

MINI REC ALERT!

Haunting of Hill House- spiritual predecessor to Haunting of Bly Manor, though they’re not actually the same universe/story. However, it’s made by the same dude and has a shared aesthetic/sensibilities/some of the cast. This is only a mini rec bc I haven’t actually seen it, but I’ve heard good things and that it, while much more heavily leaning into family dynamics, has similar themes of exploring Grief and Trauma through ghooossstttsss.

Community

Okay I know that this may seem like a Wild rec considering community is a school sitcom with basically Zero paranormal elements but just like. Hear me out. And no this isn’t just because I think it’s a realy good show and I want more people to watch it, though that is a factor. If I was just recommending comedies that I think are good and more people should watch regardless of them serving as a replacement for supernatural I would demand you all go watch Galavant and Crazy Ex-Girlfriend. I’m gonna demand it anyway. Everyone go watch Galavant and Crazy Ex-Girlfriend. Now back to your original program:

Basic Summary: A group of students at Greendale Community College form a Spanish study group, and things quickly go Off The Fucking Rails in the best way possible.

Shared elements with supernatural that you might Vibe with: All right I’m gonna be real honest this rec is for all of my (correct) bitches who’s favorite episodes of Supernatural were French Mistake, Changing Channels, and/or Mystery Spot. You think if Supernatural would’ve been fucking fantastic if it had been a committed comedy instead of a CW melodrama that occasionally landed some admittedly really fucking funny episodes/concepts, Community (and the movies on this list) will gently take you into its loving arms and give you everything you desire. It’s about the Meta comedy. It’s about the discussion, exploration, and subversion of common tropes within the format. It’s about the grand use of group/ found family dynamics in order to max both the goofs and the heart. It’s about fantastic callbacks. It’s about having one of the few “asshole with a heart of gold” leads I can actually stand because. You know. Growth. It’s about the INCREDIBLE genre and pop culture parody. Which genre do they parody, you ask. All of them. They parody all the genres. The glee parody episode is a fucking masterpiece of television. If you don’t want to watch a show that features a Halloween party where everyone turns into zombies and the ABBA discography blasts in the background, you can stop reading right now, because I can guarantee you won’t be interested in a damn thing I have to say.

MINI REC ALERT: The X-Files. I’ve also never seen this but a: everything I’ve seen out of context has been fantastically weird and delightful b: it appears that there’s a general consensus that Scully and Mulder are one of the only valid straight couples so it’s probably pretty fun and c: let’s all be honest. Supernatural was already basically an x-files rip off, it had like half of their original writers swiped from the x-files crew, I’m pretty sure if you liked especially the first couple of seasons of supernatural, you’re gonna like the X-files.

Subcategory: TV SHOWS ( A WHOLE TWO OF ‘EM, OR MORE LIKE ONE AND HALF IF YOU WANNA GET TECHNICAL) I’M SPECIFICALLY RECOMMENDING FOR THAT COCAINE HIT OF PURE UNADULTERATED UNCUT 2012 TUMBLR NOSTALGIA

BBC Merlin

Yes, I know the show ended in 2010. Yes, it still provides that 2012 Tumblr nostalgia. 2012 Tumblr is a feeling, not an actual time period.

I love this stupid show. I plan on rewatching it all over the month of January. I harbor a deep amount of fondness for it. It’s why every time I see literally any depiction of Merlin I get just so fucking excited, and why I’ve consumed as many ridiculous Arthurian adaptations as I have (side note: my two favorite other ridiculous Arthurian legend adaptation are Avalon High, a DEEPLY silly DCOM that is required viewing to level up friendship with me, and The Kid Who Would Be King, which is the only movie that I think truly understands the comedic potential of playing a King Arthur Adaptation mostly straight but everyone in it is 12. I’m not sure it intended to be as fucking funny as it was, but again, they’re all middle schoolers. I have never been more jealous of an actor than I was of the 22 year old that got to play a 16 year old dumbass Merlin who was sometimes also Patrick Stewart and did all of his magic with ridiculous hand gestures That should’ve been me that should’ve been me that should’ve been me. Also Sword in the Stone by TH White is pretty good, because Merlin knows germ theory in the fantasy 400’s and he just uses it to be petty mostly. Also listen to High Noon Over Camelot by The Mechanisms. Also Also I tend to prefer family friendly adaptations because they don’t have the uhhh. You know. Incest and sexual violence of the original legend. Love to Not have that shit!) Whether you watched it initially and are due for a rewatch, or you’re intrigued enough by the concept of the show to watch it for the first time, you should join me on this wild wild ride.

Basic Summary: You know who Guinevere, Arthur, and Merlin are, come on. BBC said let’s make em all YOUNG let’s make em SEXY let’s make em FAMILY FRIENDLY and let’s make magic REALLY SEEM LIKE A THINLY VEILED ALLEGORY FOR BEING GAY BUT TO THIS DAY IM NOT SURE IF THAT WAS INTENTIONAL OR NOT BUT IT SURE SEEMS LIKE IT WAS. @ THE BBC MERLIN CREATORS WHAT IS THE TRUTH BECAUSE THERE WAS SOME INTERVI-

Basic Summary but like a bit more helpful: A BABY version of Merlin (and by baby I mean like 20 year old.) is sent from his small town to the big city the Kingdom of Camelot to find his destiny. Staying with the town physician and friend of his mom’s, Gaius, he ends up as both his assistant and personal manservant to Prince Arthur. But in a kingdom where magic is punished with death and the prince seems hell bent on getting himself into situations that are going to kill him, the young sorcerer has his more than his share of work cut out for him.

Shared elements with supernatural that you might Vibe with: Primo supremo queerbaiting. Like, yeah, okay, it’s queerbaiting, you know it’s queerbaiting, but you watch some of the scenes and ur like okay. I know why I let this bait me. Obviously with a modern show, I would expect more, I would expect better, I would raise my standards, but I gotta admit. Some of these scenes are fuckin compelling as hell, and the subtext is like barely sub. Monster of the week shenanigans. Some awful CGI creatures but like a charming awful. Like the kind of awful that tells you their very limited budget was more focused on cool swords than realistic creatures. Episodic stories build into a more overarching plot, with things getting darker in season 4/5. Shitty father that end up eating shit and while the son of said father is rightfully conflicted and upset over the death it’s cathartic and victorious as all hell for the audience. Multiple hot evil women, and I love hot evil women. There’s also nice hot women, which is a bonus. These women don’t all immediately stupidly die, so that’s a nice change. Also like a LOT of sarcastic humor and shenanigans if u like Sass Merlin is there for u personally name a more iconic line than “Oh I’m sorry, how long have you been training to be a prat, my lord?” AND THAT’S IN THE FIRST FUCKIN EPISODE brilliant amazing fantastic show stopping. Also you know those like dumb hijink episodes where like Dean was possessed by the spirit of a dog or some shit? You bet your bottom fuckin dollar BBC Merlin has those kinds of storylines. Also I know some people go to spn bc it had that HUGE fanbase and like BBC Merlin’s fanbase is still SURPRISINGLY poppin even though it’s been a decade since there was new content so like. Have fun!

Doctor Who but Specifically the RTD Era

Look I’m not here to say that the first four seasons of reboot doctor who are the only good doctor who or inherently better than all the rest (though the RTD era is my favorite personally) BUT when ur seekin that sweet sweet superwholock frenzy nostalgia, this is the ‘who’ that is being referred to. Also like. Stan 9. We should all collectively stan the ninth doctor. Chris Eccleston, the Objectively Best Famous Chris, deserved better.

Basic Summary: An immortal alien that goes by “The Doctor” travels across time and space with a variety of different companions, often to try and save the day or fix a (sometimes self created) mess. It’s distilled campy sci-fi with a family friendly tone that has made me cry on several occasions.

Shared elements with supernatural that you might Vibe with: Monster of the week that, you guessed it, builds into bigger overarching plot style narrative. Fighting off the apocalypse, but like every couple of weeks because worlds are in danger a LOT. A semi-tragic romance that made people go absolutely buck fuckin wild bc pining n shit. Wamen, but they aren’t fridged. (actually for real though none of the main women die and I just think that’s really fun and flirty even though I could go on a COMPLETELY SEPARATE rant about the injustice of one of the character’s ending YES season 4 is my favorite season and one of my favorite pieces of media ever and I am currently actively recommending it to you YES im still fucking pissed over how it ended YES we exist) Specifically, a Wonderful and Very Excellent woman named Donna who goes on a spa trip that doesn’t end up going very well. That seems like a highly specific example, and it is, but it did happen in both shows. (Also, to anyone that continued watching SPN after like idk season 9 what happened to Donna? I always liked her and I know she became a recurring character so like DM whatever probably injustice was the end of her story line pls and thank you) I’m also extra specifically recommending for Supernatural Fans and also The World At Large: Season Four of Reboot Who. I rewatched it last year and it still goes so fucking hard. Donna Noble is the best character in existence. In regards to the appeal for SPN, personally I think the best part of SPN was when people who are soulmates went on adventures and tried to save the day and it was a good mix of banter and sincerity AND GUESS WHAT’S BASICALLY THE ENTIRETY OF SEASON 4 OF DOCTOR WHO. It’s so good y’all I wish Everything was about soulmates going on adventures and trying to save the day.

OKAY TV SHOWS DONE TIME FOR M O V I E S which I don’t have nearly as many recs for but uhh here goes

What We Do In The Shadows/ Shaun of the Dead

I’m lumping these two together bc my reasons for recommending them are largely the same, and I would call them tonally similar enough that if you like one you’ll probably like the other

Basic Summary (Shaun of The Dead): Uh-oh! London’s had a break out of some of that good ol’ zombieism. Shaun and friends decide to hunker down in a local bar, but they have to get there first. Will they survive? Will they fuck up some zom zoms? Who’s to say?

Basic Summary (What We Do In The Shadows): Some vampire roommates dick around. I think there’s technically, like, a plot, but it’s really just about some vampires Doin Their Thing. Vibin.

Shared elements with supernatural that you might Vibe with: This is kind of similar to the Community recommendation, in that supernatural had the opportunity to be one of those things that was both a parody of a genre but also just a really good example of the genre. WWDITS and SotD are both those things for vampire and zombly movies, respectively. Have the aesthetic and some of the themes of a horror but is not actually all that scary. Horror Comedy is a god tier genre and I don’t know why it’s not more widespread. Fun monsters/cast of characters in general, so at least one person in it is probably going to make you go “oh gender” ya know? With SotD you have the fantasy power trip that comes with like any piece of media that involves hunting monsters. With WWDITS I go “yep that’s how bisexuals dress” and I Will Not Clarify which character I’m talking about.

MINI REC ALERT: All of Taika Watiti’s filmography. Thor:Ragnarok is one of like 3 marvel movies that I consider genuinely fucking fantastic completely independent of the MCU and my own tendency to be like “hurr bdurr I love. Superheros”. For the one that is most tonally like Supernatural But Significantly Better and Written By Someone Competent I think I would say try out Hunt For The Wilderpeople. It’s got a reluctant curmudgeonly father figure and I KNOW some of you motherfuckers were so invested in spn when you were like 16 bc you had daddy issues. This is a callout post for my friend [REDACTED], who I should text to watch Hunt for the Wilderpeople, actually.

MINI REC ALERT X2!!!: Bram Stoker’s Dracula. I’ve never seen it but it has both Winona Ryder AND Keanu Reaves so like. Goth bi rights.

Happy Death Day (and Happy Death Day 2 U)

happy death day was one of those movies that I saw the trailer, went “eh”, heard other people say it was great, watched, and went holy fuck this slaps. Not nearly as much of a slasher film as the trailers implied if im remembering the trailer correctly

Basic Summary: Our main character Tree keeps waking up on the day she was murdered. The day resets every time that she dies. That’s right, it’s a time loop storey babey!!!!!!!!!!!

Shared elements with supernatural that you might Vibe with: If you were anything like me you were foolishly lulled into supernatural for way longer than you should’ve been on the promise that the characters would idk like grow and change and become better and learn lessons and some of that would be through the power of receiving love and kindness. You know. Like how good writers would do it especially if their main characters are kind of dicks that really should make some changes. Well, Happy Death Day fucking delivers on that promise in SPADES. It’s about growth! It’s about change! It’s about making the active decision to become a better person and putting effort into doing so! There’s heavy themes of like grief and trauma and acknowledging them and facing them head on in order to move on and the negative consequences of refusing to do so and just trying avoid it until it goes away. There’s a romance that makes my dumb little self do the pleading face emoji. Tree is also one of the only good asshole with a heart of gold characters. I also think media is improved by having at least one character that is a Good Good Boy (note: Good Good Boy character does not have to be a man.) and Happy Death Day has Carter. Oh on that note: Tree Voice: I’ve only had character for (the same repeating over and over) a day but if anything happens to him I’ll kill everyone here and then myself. Also the movie is funny so like hell yeah.

that’s all I got for relevant movies right now

BOOK RECS

jk i’m illiterate. Everyone should feel free to go ahead and add their own suggestions for this section The best I can do is uhhhh I think y’all would probably like Mira Grant’s novels, particularly the Newsflesh stories, bc sibling dynamics. Also the book The Haunting of Hill House is really good. Ballad of Black Tom slaps? There’s of course the Good Omens novel that the show was based on. I’m about to recommend some podcasts after this section which will include to Welcome to Nightvale because of course it will and the tie in novels for that slap, especially It Devours!, and I’m pretty sure they work as stories even if you know nothing about the podcast. Also also I think you should read “The Long Way to A Small, Angry Planet” by Becky Chambers It’s not thematically similar to supernatural at all but it’s one of my all time favorite sci fi novels and only like four people have read it which is a goddamn TRAVESTY.

Anyway yeah that’s it that’s all there is. Onto the medium that is like books but I can fold laundry or cook while consuming their narratives.

PODCAST RECS

Okay so this is getting uhhh wicked long so I’m gonna limit myself to only three full blown recs and a

mini rec

Alice Isn’t Dead

Fuck me running this show is so good. Literally hands down my all time favorite (and scariest!) horror podcast. Mamma mia, that’s a good fuckin story. The Book version is also good and has fewer Weird events but some further character development so I recommend them both.

Basic Summary: After her wife Alice disappears mysteriously, Keisha takes up a job as a long haul trucker, traveling all across America in order to find her, but ends up finding so much. Pursued by a deadly creature she calls The Thistle Man, the stakes of her journey are raised.

Shared elements with supernatural that you might Vibe with: okay so I have a lost of bullet points of things that appealed to me specifically about supernatural and how no other shows covers all of them which sucks bc it means I basically Yearn for a show that’s supernatural but good. Alice isn’t Dead, however, hits the most of these bullet points AND is so fucking good. It has monster hunting. It has stopping a cataclysmic event BUT also discussion of the cyclical nature of events such as these and how the fight never truly ends but you can make some fucking progress nonetheless. It has a central gay romance that’s actually a central gay romance. It’s the ONLY show on this list that really hits that the weird and dark underside of americana vibe but specifically the americana of not like suburbs and shit but that eerie haunted feeling you get when you’re hours into a late night drive on open roads with no civilization around and an expansive sky and it just Seems like something should be watching you. Have you ever been out for a walk at midnight and encountered a deer and you looked into each other’s eyes and it felt like it was telling you a message that you couldn’t possibly hope to parse? Have you ever felt an incredible sense of deja vu eating in a restaurant you couldn’t have possibly been in before, because you’ve been to a thousand diners a thousand times just like one, and there’s an incredibly sense of homogeneity even though you’re 2000 miles away from anyone and anything that could possibly know you? Have you ever traveled to an area that seems to be stuck in a bubble of time, the only thing that shows any evidence of having aged past 2006 being yourself, and you wonder how your cell phone even works around here? THAT’S the spooky americana I’m fuckin talking about! Messed up road trips! Too much goddamn space! America is scary because it’s big and Filled With Things but also Not Enough Things! Fuck yeah!!!!! That time bubble fuckin EXISTS in Wyoming the most recent song on the radio I heard was fuckin Hey Soul Sister!

Also has a thing where like are there even good guys and bad guys in a conflict or is it all just one umbrella nightmare that you’re trying to stand against in anyway possible (u kno..like how the overarching structures of both heaven and hell were kinda fucked in spn? No spoilers but similar shit be happenin in Alice Isn’t Dead). Exploration of what makes someone into a monster, like how do you go down that path? Also this is the only show on this whole damn list that southern gothic music really suits it so points for that.

The Magnus Archives

You know I had to do it to ‘em.

Basic Summary: Jonathan Sims has just become the Head Archivist at the Magnus Institute, a “research” “facility” that looks into paranormal/esoteric/unexplained phenomena.

John Mulaney Voice, Again: Nobody knows what the archivist is going to do next, least of all the archivist. He’s never been in an archives before, he’s just as confused as you are.

Shared elements with supernatural that you might Vibe with: Oh fuck this document is over 5k long I said I wasn’t gonna do this hhhhh so lipton lightning round: Slowburn Gay Romance but Actually Canon, Monster Hunting but Hey What Even Is A Monster Anyway, Acts Somewhat like a Loosely Connected Horror Anthology until it DOESNT, Little Things Build to Bigger Narrative, Characters Be Goin Through It (On God These People Need Therapy), Trying to Prevent/Fix The Apocalypse (X2!!!), Smug Asshole Big Bad, Horror as a Metaphor For Various Shit, Basically if you thought that the Men of Letter concept slapped and you think it should’ve been the whole damn show including being Deeply British you would probably really fuckin like TMA. Also if ur like the ideal piece of media is a horror tragedy but also like it’s a wacky sitcom but also also fuck cops. U will like tma.

Welcome to Nightvale

IF ANY 2012 TUMBLR FANDOM DESERVES TO MAKE A MASSIVE COMEBACK AND BE EVERYWHERE AGAIN AND ABSOLUTELY FLOOD MY DASH IT’S WELCOME TO NIGHTVALE WHY DID WE ABANDON THE SHOW THAT TREATED US THE MOST KINDLY DID YOU KNOW THAT EPISODES 108-110 ARE THE BEST FUCKING BUILT UP NARRATIVE REVEAL THAT I HAVE WITNESSED IN MY LIFE DID YOU KNOW THAT IT CONTINUED TO BE REALLY FUCKING GOOD AFTER MOST PEOPLE STOPPED LISTENING DID YOU KNOW CECIL AND CARLOS ARE MARRIED AND THEY HAVE A DOG AND A TODDLER NOW BECAUSE OF ALL THE GAY PODCAST PROTAGONISTS CECIL GERSHWIN PALMER LOVE OF MY LIFE ELDRITCHIAN CHEERLEADER AND CERTIFIED BIMBO KEEPS FUCKIN WINNIN BABY. DID YOU KNOW THAT CECIL THINKS PEANUT BUTTER IS A ROCK.

Basic Summary: Welcome to the sleepy desert town of Ņ̶̏ight V̶͚̰̮͗̔̊̊ale! Community radio how host Cé̵̟͚͕̗̞̙͂͑̽̄́c̵̤̼̞͈̪͓̍̽̋̚̕͜il Pǎ̵̧̨̢͚̻̈̂̄̇͐̇̊̀̆ͅl̶͚͎͕͉͖̬͓͑́̐̒̍̿̈́͢͜͝ͅm̸̧͙̟̖̠̳̬͋́͋́͌̚̚ͅȩ̙̖͎̖͂́̒͐͜͞r̢̢̛̰̻̮̺̩͙̼̈́͋̀͘ is here to k̠̠̰̦͙̯̥̎̄̆͌̎̀̿̔̌̚ê̷̢̬̥̞̩̯̘͒̽̈̓͐̂̔̍e̶̡̝̗̺̫̪̜͆̓̿̈͌͌̆͒͞ͅp̵̹̗̬̼̠̬͙̏͐͐̉̅͊͊́͟͞ͅͅ ỷ̛͙̞̦̦͖̑̉̌̎͞͡͡͝ͅo̧̧̥͎̻̥̲͇͋́́̔̈͌͞ǔ̸̬̯̫͇̦̮͕̤̲̯̽̔̀̔͆͋̈́͘̚ up to date all the local happenings, including w̸̢̢̢̧̡̡͍͖̻̳̹̼̼̰̬̭̱͔̲͙͍̰̠̥̺̝͖̺̖̼̮̼̞̳̞̜͉̤̯͇̖̳͖̠̙̺̲̤͇͈͚͓̮̭̱̭̩͚̟̥̬̟̻̝̼̖͚̘͐̆̅̂̃̈́͆͊̉̏͒́̈́̋͗͑̄̉́̐̌́̿̌͛̾̎̊̾̃̈́̉̔̍̐͛̕͘̚͜͜͠͠é̵̢̡̧̨̨̡̧̨̡̛̹̥̥̞̮̯͙͈̻̝͓͖͙̦̰͍̖̜̲̰̞͎͈̭̯̳͕̗͓͈̭̫̼̯̪̞̯̰̲̘̭͎̪̱̗̝̝̞̤̱͉͙̯͎̬͎̙̜̗͉̩̦͕̪̳͇͙̺̙̰̠͚͎̜̠͔̬͎̺̣͕̜̊̓̃̐̂́͂̎̐̾̔̽̀̉́̍̊̂̿̎͂͐̎̐̄̍̔̋̐̃͗̈́͂̀̒̊̎͘͘̕̚̕͜͝͝͝͠ͅͅa̸̡̧̡̡̨̡̨̛̛͙̣̘̳͎͖̥̝̟̱̩̥͙͉̝̲̙̮̩̩̹̱͔͎̥̹̻̜͚̭̬̳͚̤̙̖̯͎̱̫̞̪̻͖̱̞͔̭̻̺͚͚̯̬͓͓̳͇̳̦͓̞͈̮̤̭̣͉̲̞͚̘͗̆̃͌̅̍͊̓̈̇̌̒͊͑̊̏̊͌̈̓̿͗̒̏̒͊͒̏̃̎̒̀̅̾̍̀͘͘͜͝͠ͅt̵̢̡̨̧̧̛̛̛̯̤͓̘̻̤͓̪̰͔̪̝̫͎̻͔͈͎͔͙͕͈̰͓͍̀̏͒̆͋̈́̈́͂̔͋͆͂̅͗̍̆̍̆̔̑͊̏̈͒́̽͊́̿͂́̓͛̽͐͌̌̐̈̇̃̓̆̍̅̃̔̚̕͜͝͝͝ͅͅh̸̨̨̡̢̢̡̢̧̡̧̢̡̨̡̭̜̬̬̙͕̗̙̻̯̠̘͙̻̥͉͚̼̗͚͇͉̰͍̥͉̗͎̬̫͖͉͔̼̮̯̞̫̬̟̻͉̖̙̥̫͖̬͚̟̜̭͇͎̭̘̝̲̤͕͎̰̭̗̯̮̤̙̙̯͍̞̭͚͔͎̞̹̲̟͉̩̭̖̱̠͍̺͈̟̩̋̆̈́͆̍̆̄̏͜ͅͅȇ̸̢̢̨̨̧̛̜͍̺͎̬̪͙̻̝̣͓͈̺̩̳̟̲̠̣͈͎͎͈͉̙̪͖̳̺͇̹̊̍͊͑̿͊̌͛̿̓͊̾̀͂͛̉͆̾̽͆̈̏͛̊͛̍̈́̇͋̔͂̑͐̂̿͊̽͑͘̚͘͝͝͠͝ͅͅŕ̵̨̡̨̨̢̧̡̧̨̘̟͙̦̲̲̪̦̙̼̠̳͚̞̦̞͖͚͇̳͖̲̭͕̜̫̳̖̙͖͉͎̘̘̤̠͈̬͕̝̻͚̥͍͕̠̥͙̙̪̖̯͍̘̘̲̣̹̜̪̲̭̟̮̫̖̤̰͔̩̩͉̲͚̟̝̦̬̪̘̬̮̱͔̻̦̼̃̐̂͋̐̅̋͒̉͛́̅̈́̒̒͆̑̆͊̒͒̀̍̈́̍͌̍̏̔͋͌̒̍̌͛̓̈̂̐̕͘͘͜͜͝͝͝ͅͅͅ ̶̢̡̨̛̠͇̹̯͕͍̻̟̼̼̗̩̱̗̙̱̥̜̬̫̜͎͉̺̣͓̟̯̱͖̣̞̠̝̥͍̲̳̙̠͔̹̘̲̲̻̖̈́̊͋͜͜ą̵̡̧̟͕̬̳̜͈͈̳̝̜̣̬͔͈͈͎͉͍̯̟̞̺͎̝͇̰̥͖̬̯͙̤̬̼̲̦̯̭͓̠̺̳̱̰̮̎͋͆̈́͌͆̎̉̓̇̐͋͋́̃̉̈̄̏̓̉̿̅̒̉̒̉͂͛̄̀̇̒͊͛́͊̎́͆̌̆́̌͂̈́̽̋͛͗̑̊̀́̍͊̌͆͊͐͆̅̒̊̉̾̄͛̑̕͘͘͘͘͝͝͝͝͠͠͝n̸̡̛̛̛̛̛̙͎̬̦̠̼͓͈̝̾̍͑͛̅̒̾́̌̍͛̇̋̇̓̏͛̔͛̈́͆̿̌͐̿͊̿́͒̍̃̀̈͐̐̆͐̉̒̂̉̀̅̇̾͋̍͒̋̈̌̿͒͐̍́͗̀̌̌̚̕̕̕͘̚͘͘̚͜͠͝͝͝d̴̡̢̢̛̛̛̺̠̳̬͎̞̲̣̲̱̳̪̹͉̝̠̱̗̙̫̠̹̼̙̝͉̲̟̮̙̙̮̻̹͈̦̙̞͚̜̙̖̞͓̙̭͉̃̽̌̅̔̾̈́̒̽͑́̒͋̓̈́͆͋̽̒̃̽̋̐͌͂̍͑́̽̋̍͗̋͗͂̅̽̈̈̾͐̄̃̕̕͜͠͠͝͠͝ͅͅ ̵̡̡̢̛̛̗͚͍̺͇̲̳̯͓̰͍̙̮̙̜̟̞̣̼͕̝͔͙̺̫͈͈̠̻̘̱͍̦̭͔͈̤̺̗̮͕̦̞̘͍̯̻̝͓̤̳̫͔̩͉̬̈́͋̈́̐͒́̔́́̿̓̆͐̎͆̇͒̄̈̿̓̑̾̏̔̿͊̌͆͒̒͊̓̅̓́̔̅̀̀̀̃̿̂̑͂͆̅̎̾̏̓̂̈́͛͌̇̾͌͐̈̂̆͐̅̓̍̓̃̆͗̃͛̏̒̌̀̅͊́̽̐̆̿́̌͘͘̚̕͘̕̕͜͜͜͠͝͠͝͠t̷̢̥͓̄͗̾̄̅̚͜r̵̨̡̨̧̧̢̛̛̛̛̛͍͙͚̥̱̞̜̦̜̼̺͉̠̬͎̰̻̜̼̫̤͓͖͖̤͇̞̥̖̈́͊̆̓͊̑̑̋̒̈́̔̆͆́̐͛͑͊͋̇̈́̓̑̍̏͐͛̽̋̎͑̃̈́͒̇̂̇̌͂̀̍̊̇̓̋̈́̌̏̕͘̚̕̚͝͝͠ǎ̴̡͓͓̯̘̥̱̱͖̦̺͓̘͉͖̞̟̦͈̜̥̰̘̞͈̦̠̼̯̙̭̼͚̟̖̲̠̝̜̐̅͆̏̈́̍́͂̃̾͑̓͋̽̄̾́̾̆̾͒͋̎͂̈́͘̕̕̚͜ͅͅf̷̢̡̡̧̢̨̡̧̢̢̧̡̧̫͖̖͇̲̫̮͕͉͓̩̪̳̹̩͎̖̟̤̤̲̟̪̫̻̻̖̟̦͉̼͎͖̭͍͖͎̖̳̳͙̜͉̝̘̺̖͚̙͉͕͙̯͖̞͚̮̲̻͉͙̺̭͓͎̤͙̦̦̺̯͕̜̰͍̳̙̦͉̪̥́͋̓̅̀͋͐̀̄̊̆̉̒̐͒̀̏̈̇̊̉̆̐̏̾̀̀̓͛͆̍̾͗͌̀̄̔͒̀̍̈́͆̔̒̑̏̍̏͆́̾̐̂͋̂̔̂́̓̓̌͌̉͛́̒̐̽̏́̑͊́̌̆̂̑͋̇̈́͌̑̿̅͗̚̕͘̕̚͜͠͝͝͠͠f̴̨̨̛̹͌̂̓͌͛̀͑̾̓̍͗̽͆̉̊͗̇́̍͌̊͐̔̈́̊̇͆̄̃̑̕̕͘͘͘͠͝͝͝͠i̴̧̡̢̢̧̢̨̨̧̧̧̛̛͎̗̳̦̘̙͓̦̙͔̜̼̘͇͇̺̭͉̠̩̟̤̥̘͙̤̩͔̪̱̻͈̪̼̼̞̠͎̟̹͕̻̭̤̪̲͕̟̺̻̻͖͕͚̣͇̖̰̝̩͈̤͕͇͕̝͙̙̪͔̗̫͇͎̙̲̲͖̗̘͉̲̣̤͎̔̐̆͒̄̈́̀̎̃̃̅͆̌̈́̽̈́̅̈́̑̄̇͒͐̀̐̀̒̍̀̓͌͗̓̽́͗̓̎͂͛̅̑̔̀͛̈́̽̾̃̊͊͆̄̍͑̍̆̌̾͗̄̊̽̉̅̆̀̎̀͑̿̎̋̄̆̃͐̾̏͛͒̍̋̅͘̕̚̕̕͜͜͝͝͝͝͠ͅͅc̷̛̛͚̝̻̣̞̓́̃́̀̃̓͗͌̂͛́̒̊͑̓͆̇̈́͑̏̆̀͌̑͂͂̄͌̉̔̋́̎͒̿͗͒͛̇͛̿̎̍̕̕̕͝͝͝͝͝ ̴̢̧̢̡̨̢̡̨̡̢̢̛̺̘̹̯̤̩̘̯͔̞̟̬̠̣̟̻̥̜̤͔̥͕̠̥̞͎̗̩̱̮͉͔͎̲̯̱̙̜̥̳̮͔̦̣͖͔̜͉̗̪̳̹̦̤͇̣̙͕̯̫̖̝̼̹͍̠͎͓̗͎̦͓̲̯̱̠̰͇̮̹͔̝͉͙̹̜̹͈̹̥͖̣̳̲͖̓́͌̈́̈́̀͌̄͂̌̾́̍̔̊̓̿͋͂͋̈́̋́́̒̓̀̒̃͂̀͑̐͛̆̆͒̈́̅̿͊͌̍͗̌̌͆̂͌́̉̏̒̓͊̾̒̓̋̽͐̏̾͘̕͜͝͠͝ͅͅr̸̨̢̛̪̞̬͓͔̥̤̣͔̭̥̙͉̦̗̠̳̩͙̂̈́͑͑̿̋̓̀͋͆̋̕͝͝ë̴̢̡̨̬͈͉̖̞͔͎͓͖̼̘̬͕̰͈̥͈̝̩͎͉͉̫̜͚͕̤͔̟̯͓͎̟͙̜̭̩̗̮͎̗̤͇̝̩͎̜̺̯͕͇̝͎̯͙̖͙̮̗̮̘́̑͑͛̂̅̄̌̽̓̒̾̿͆̏̏͐͛̾̂̃͑͆̅̄̿͋̅͂̈́̽͋͒̎͐̒̓͆̌̉͑͊́̀̈̾͛̋͑̋̎̈̀̽̀͊̏͘͝͝͝͝͠͝ͅp̴̧̧̡̢̢̢̛̛̛͚̟͓̖̭̪̻̪̲̬̥̙̥̰̼̹͎͕̪̞̮̺̰̬̘̫̤͉̦͙̮̖̙̹̻͔̖̮̲̞̣̻̜̠͇̬͚̱̦̼̲̮̀̂͌̍̈̒̍̋̌̏͐̓͛̉̂̈̀͑̈́͊͗͋͗́̂̎̎̃͆͒̅̑̇́̈͐̾̀̔̒̉͑͒̅̓̈́̋͋̀̍̄̿̌̀̉͆̇̔̈́͗̋̄̓̇͗̎̉̆͊̒͗̚̕͘͘̕̕̚͜͜͝͝͠͠͠͠͠ͅͅͅơ̶̢̡̧̨̡̛̛͔̦̼̰̠̯̰̟̲̣̜͙̲͙̪̱̱͕̺̪͈͉̺̻̙̥̲̩̲̩͔̠͚̩͓̞̠̯̟̫̣̗̦̰͉͚͙̺͎̼͖̥̙͈̯̲̝̞͎̻͕̮͔̰̖͔̭͙̩̼͔̫̹̘͓͔̜̘͍̍̅̄͋͑̋̍̊̉̄̈̽̈͐̀͌͐̆͊͂̐̋̃̎͆͛̐̀̂̿̈́͂́̈̌͐̇̀̒͋͑͐́͌̐̇̊͆̀͂͋̏́͋͆̏͗͂͑̂̓̽͘͘̚̕̕̕̕̚͘͜͜͠͝͝ͅͅͅr̴̨̨̨̧̨̛̘͕͈͔͙̠̬̯̩̗̰̗̬̦͈̗̝̣͓͓̟͕͙͈̠̘̻͓̭̝̘̦̦͓̭̘͙̻̙̼̩̰̝͈̱̝̱̬͉͙̣̖̮̲͈̙̱̩̣͕̦̰̮͔͈͓̙̮͍̳̟̠̞͎̱̣̰͕̩̝̲̝͐́́̍̈͐͋̐̑̌͋̓̈́̈͗̿̈̈́͗̑̚͜͜͜͜͜͝ͅͅţ̴̢̨̧͇͉͎̣̬̣̝̗̬̹͇̮̞̈́̐̌̇̈́̌͊̐̅̂̌̂͒͌́̈͌̂̊͗̍̿͑͋̎̓͂̀̎̎͒̾̏̒͌̃̄͋̌̾̍̈́̐̏͑̊̍͑͆̉̓́̆̌̾̓͊̊̈̑͘̚̕͘͘̕͝͝͝͝͝s̴̢̢̡̛̬̹͚̻͉̦̦̣̦̠̜͕̤̳͓͙̟̬͕̘̦̿͗̉̏̒͆̓̄͊͌͛͂͑̒̃͛͘͜͝͝!

Shared elements with supernatural that you might Vibe with: Honestly, probably bc Nightvale and Alice are by the Same Dudes, a lot of these points are the same as Alice Isn’t Dead, but it’s less scawy and more funney. Also hits the “horror, but make it kind of a sitcom” vibes. Doesn’t have the same road trip vibes, but DOES capture the exact weirdness of South Western USA, so I’m still giving it “fucked up americana” credit. If you’ve never been to New Mexico ur like this is an exaggeration clearly no desert town is subject to like ACTUAL cosmic horror and unexplainable sights but I’m telling you New Mexico is just Like That. (I highly recommend visiting the land of enchantment if you ever get the oppurtunity it is a deeply odd and wonderfully unsettling experience.) Look man it’s gay it’s a horror comedy cecil has a wonderfully soothing voice and it hates capitalism so fucking much like oh my god so much what more could you want.

MINI REC ALERT: Wolf 359! I have nothing deep to say about this I just like it and my gut tells me that y’all would enjoy it too I know there isnt much for physical descriptions in the show but I know in my heart that the main character is so so pretty and so so stupid. I KNOW yall like some himbos that experience character growth.

Okay since It’s my party and I’ll speak if I want to rapid fire list of podcasts I just like and want more people to listen to even though I’m behind on like all of them shhhhh: The Penumbra Podcast, BomBARDed, Dungeons and Daddies, Stellar Firma, Wonderful!

SONG RECS

okay these aren’t like replacement recs or anything they’re just really good and I almost certainly would have put them on some sort of supernatural playlist in 2013 but I don’t, like, have a good playlist for them now so I’m subjecting y’all to them also they all have the youtube link for ease of access

Woah There Kimmy- Felix Hagan & the Family

Devil’s Backbone- The Civil Wars

Blood On My Name- The Brothers Bright

Awake O Sleeper- The Brothers Bright

The Bottom of the River- Delta Rae

Old Number 7- The Devil Makes Three

The Bullet- The Devil Makes Three

In Hell I’ll Be In Good Company- The Dead South

Bartholomew- The Silent Comedy

Pomegranate Seeds- Julian Moon

Curses- The Crane Wives

Tongues & Teeth -The Crane Wives

OKAY THAT’S IT! THAT’S ALL FOLKS! FUCK!

#long post #if you didn't want this blame of-mice-and-mentality for enabling me posting #supernatural

44 notes · View notes

a-very-fond-farewell · 4 years

Text

The forbidden crack! Untamed prompts: 22/?

Drama AU [this is just an idea tho, no plot basically]: “Did you find a bitch in me?”

[JC-focus crackships galore baby! title is from a Marina Diamandis’s song (“Hermit the Frog) but that’s probably not important for the non-plot so... yeah]

“So... wait a minute.”

“Hit me.”

“I’m still confused.”

“About?”

“Wen Qing... why should I know about your ex’s exes?”

“Because he’s a bisexual menace and I don’t want him to ruin this for me.”

“Jiang Cheng is not going to sleep with me.”

“What do you know tho? He’s that powerful.”

“Babe, I’m a lesbian.”

“And he has dated everyone in our circle of friends and their significant others.”

“Big lesbian energy, you’re absolutely right.”

“Thank you. I taught him well.”

or the only au where there’s only drama and no plot and JC went from experimenting to actively turning people gay or straight just because.

[attn: in this au Jin GuangShan is not, I repeat, not a bitch and did not, in fact, have other kids aside from Jin ZiXuan bc I say so. don’t make me complicate this non-existent plot more, please]

[under the cut for more!]

ok. got it. JC knows he’s no saint. hell, he doesn’t even qualify as a decent human being, alright. he’s that socially abominable. but things have escalated to a point where he doesn’t even know what to do. maybe become a hermit, lock his dick and call it a day. yeah, that should do the trick. because he really doesn’t know when it all started... no. that’s a lie. total bullshit. it was Nie HuaiSang.

so, SO, he may have been 16. sweet bush child with no future nor name. a great big sister, a stupid big bro, an overachieving mother, a distant father, the usual. save for fucking Nie HuaiSang and his stash of porn. and JC was straight. and he just wanted to check if the link his high school friend sent him was a jumpscare or not. he closed the tab right after the first moan echoed in his room late at night, he forgot to put the jack in and his earphones were possibly all the way back in his backpack on the kitchen table. fuck his life. and also fuck HuaiSang for being into weirdly sensual artsy porn on top of that. fuck his life. fuck the replay button too.

coincidentally, HuaiSang was his first kiss, first head, first everything only one year later and JC still talks to the jerk to an extent, but not because he wants to, okay? they were experimenting, but JC was still straight. he wanted to do good on his first actual relationship with a woman, whatever that meant for him at the time. HuaiSang was okay with that, the lying bastard. JC may or may not have grown fond of him by the time their graduation came, but they never got around to talk about it because they were stupid and young.

also, HuaiSang’s brother had caught them once and JC had known there and then why his non-boyfriend had decided to cut things loose afterwards. that jock was scary as fuck.

then. THEN. university came and Wen Qing was the one reminding JC he was still very much as straight and unbendable as he could get. it took him three years to not yell at her in frustration and ask her out: the sexual tension between them fueled by rivalry over good grades and the scholarship program they both wanted to have access to for their masters.

she had been the one asking him out. JC was lying about having the balls to do it, obviously. the fact that she also discovered to be a lesbian while being with him could have burned less, all things considered, but JC knew he had made love to her and that was enough for him. letting her go had been the right thing to do and they still talk everyday and she loves his nephew and everything is fine.

JC is FINE.

it only took him the two remaining years of his masters to get over her, but. FINE.

he’s not gonna talk about her brother. it happened only once. okay maybe once that particular night, at a bar and they were drunk and Wen Ning was nothing like his sister and the boy always had a slight crush on him and he was the one suggesting it, okay?

Wen Ning was kind and gentle and kissed way better than his sister and maybe after two years JC could get over it and move on and they could still be a family after all and that last stall in the staff toilet had been where JC’s bottom cherry was popped and oh gods that felt so good...

“actually, Jiang Cheng, you’re lovely. but I think I’m actually really straight so... I’m sorry. I hope we can still be friends?”

yeah. JC’s not gonna talk about fucking Wen Ning.

maybe the fact that his brother Wei Ying got married so soon was the reason why. it has to be.

JC hated, HATED Lan Zhan. he hated how much in love they were. how softly they moved around each other. how much he wanted some of that as well.

and since he was THAT petty he had to flirt with Lan Zhan’s brother (Lan Huan) because of it. the man was terrifyingly good looking and a gentleman. so much he didn’t want to give in to JC’s requests... because he already had a boyfriend.

JC knew nothing about said boyfriend aside from the fact that he was apparently a snake, whatever Wei Ying meant by that.

Lan Huan looked very intrigued, but he’s also very loyal and JC admired him for that. he didn’t want to have that conversation tho, the one where Lan Huan politely asked him to stop being so charming in his periphery, so JC decided to hide for a month or two and maybe extended that period of time and never show his face again while he’s at it.

Lan Zhan would have also had his head on a fucking plate if he dared touching his precious older brother so, there’s that as well.

so he dated a bunch of people after swiping them on apps left and right, got the hitch out of his system and felt miserable about it.

Nie HuaiSang came back into his life like, the day before JC started working for a new company and asked him out for a drink. HuaiSang was crushing for a man too young for HuaiSang’s comfort because he usually liked older men and this boy was fresh out of his bachelor and JC’s friend was well in his late twenties and didn’t have a job yet and...

JC shut him up with a kiss and they felt slightly less lonely afterwards, until they actually talked about their issues and decided to stop being messy and grow out of their bad habits.

JC still fells sick at the idea of being someone else’s “bad habit” though.

Wen Chao was a mistake.

Wen Chao’s girlfriend was a mistake.

Wen Chao’s brother was a mistake.

Their bloody uncle was a mistake.

Their father was an even more spectacular mistake.

JC has yet to find out how he survived the year of his thirtieth birthday, honestly. that shit had been wild as fuck.

YanLi and her husband offered JC to look after Jin Ling more often in order to make him feel some sense of safety, he knew that much. at the time, JC hated the fact that ZiXuan worried over him and that his own sister didn’t know how to help him either.

people at work had started to treat him differently as well, now that they knew how messy he was. he started getting treated for depression soon after being promoted to supervisor, his workaholic tendencies saving him from himself after years of sleeping around and drinking too much for his own good.

A-Su was YanLi’s friend from university and was kind enough to ask him out one day. she stayed with him for a year before apologizing to him, saying she wanted something more: a family, a future, something JC could have not given her anytime soon.

his brother and Lan Zhan adopted a boy and JC became an uncle for the second time. A-Yuan was difficult to look after, having survived stressful living conditions in his early childhood, so Wei Ying appreciated the extra hand when JC offered it to him and his husband.

looking after children forced him to be not so angry all the time and now Jin Ling had a cousin he could play with and was very glad his Jiujiu was feeling better.

when Lan Huan came back into his life, JC had forgotten about even attempting to win him over in his early twenties. it felt life a lifetime had passed.

they started as friends this time around, but JC felt nothing for him and he was okay with that. they were good uncles to A-Yuan and that was enough.

what really caught JC off guard was when Meng Yao stumbled upon him one day in midwinter, crashing on JC and sending his briefcase up in the air. the older man was apologetic and kind and gods forbid JC still needed some of that in his life. even if it was the other who had crashed into him, JC offered to buy him coffee since Meng Yao’s cup was now sadly rolling out frame on the snowy path.

to his utter astonishment, Meng Yao accepted.

JC took his time with him, willing to slow down and really get to know this new man who seemed so welcoming and easily approachable... yet so impossibly far and unreachable.

Meng Yao confessed cheating on his previous partner with his best friend five years prior and how he felt undeserving of another chance with someone as kind as JC. he revealed how therapy helped him work on his tendency of manipulating others and that this was the only reason why he wanted to be honest with JC and tell him the truth. so that the younger man could make up his mind if Meng Yao could be granted a chance with him.

this heartfelt confession startled JC in the beginning, especially bc Meng Yao seemed adamant about not sleeping with him for the foreseeable future, unless they talked it out some more.

on JC’s thirty-fourth birthday, one year after meeting Meng Yao, JC asks him to marry him during a pleasant dinner the older man has planned for him.

to his horror and absolute joy, A-Yao accepts.

JC didn’t mind not having been intimate with him until then, nor he would have minded if A-Yao never happened to change his mind on the matter. JC felt safe with him, even when he saw him reminiscing the past with grief painting his features behind his fake smile. JC knew he could give him happiness and so he asked him to meet the Jiangs for the first time to announce the good news.

all but Wei Ying and his husband have arrived the even JC brought A-Yao home, their car stuck in traffic. they start eating without them, with the couple’s permission. YanLi and ZiXuan didn’t bring A-Ling this time around, not willing to leave too soon and waste a chance to really get to know the new member of their family. JC’s father seemed pleased to meet with A-Yao, exchanging pleasantries and conversing about common interests...but JC’s mother is weirdly cold and distant that night.

once dinner came to a end, finally Wei Ying arrived, apologizing profusely for making the lot of them eat without them. however, nor he or his husband could take their eyes off of A-Yao...and neither could JC’s fiancé.

“if you still have some dignity to spare, I suggest you leave this very moment,” said Lan Zhan, the most he has ever spoken in one breath in front of JC. to which, to JC’s astonishment, A-Yao answered by giving JC one last look and the saddest smile he had ever worn...before leaving the house and never look back.

confused, heartbroken, humiliated...JC didn’t know what to feel when Lan Zhan explained to the lot of them what Meng Yao had done to Lan Huan after eight years together. cheating on the kindest man alive with an old acquaintance of his that to that day remained unnamed bc Meng Yao refused to reveal their identity.

JC’s mother didn’t have to tell her son that she had known all along something was off about A-Yao: JC could feel it in the way she was looking at him, sitting next to him on the couch. she had a sixth sense for venomous people.

the following year, JC is pretty sure it passed in a blur. he remembers working less hard than what he was expected to do, been consequently and rightfully demoted in his company. others gossiped about him being so proud for nothing in the end, which aggravated his mood.

to his surprise, his mother was the one suggesting him to take a break somewhere nice. to clear his head for a month or two before deciding what to do with his life. Wei Ying booked him a trip to Taiwan the following day and in less than a week JC is on a plane to take a long vacation there.

one night, roughly a week after his arrival at the hotel, JC was staring blankly at the skyline in deep thought. he had done the tourist-y shit, eaten all the foods in the best restaurants, brought presents for his family. and now he was bored out of his mind. the same, old questions swirling in his mind: did A-Yao lie when he said he loved him? did he lie just so he could have a fresh start and forget about the past? did he leave bc he felt guilty for his past with Lan Huan? was he serious when he had accepted JC’s proposal?

that’s when Mo XuanYu came barging into his life like a hurricane.

the younger man, seven years his junior, spotted him from an adjacent balcony and proceeded to talk to him as if...trying to de-escalate a suicide attempt from his part.

“sir, please. I’m sure there’s more to life than this. I don’t know what happened to make you feel this way but...everything will be fine in the end. I promise you. I was there. It’s okay. please don’t jump over the balcony.”

JC had no intention of jumping, just to be clear, but something in his eyes must have caught the kid’s attention and...was that a steward uniform he was wearing? did he work for the hotel? JC was none the wiser but that was the first time someone had reassured him so wholeheartedly without even knowing him and it felt...weird.

he started tearing up and the younger man panicked, promising to keep him company all night if necessary, reaching out with a hand to touch JC and reassure him from the other side. JC grasped it gingerly in his own and let himself be coaxed back to the realm of the living by such gentle soul.

JC hated himself for sleeping with him not even a week after their encounter.

but it just felt so good to let himself be guided by hand to the most hidden and wonderful places. away from the tourist crowd, eating delicious food with someone smiling prettily at him. yet he hated himself more for thinking about someone else in bed with him, at least in the beginning.

Mo XuanYu seemed to know anyway, and even encouraged him to just do whatever he felt like with him. casual hookups didn’t have to be meaningful, the younger man had said, and it wasn’t even the first time someone used him as a rebound either. still, something ugly stirred in JC at that.

so he decided to stop thinking about himself for once and shoved every bad memory away. all to pour his affection into someone else and cater to his lover for the following month and a half. borrowed time of a stolen season, during which JC doted on the younger man and learned to listen.

some of the stories Mo XuanYu told him felt slightly familiar, almost as if they had a friend in common and didn’t know who it might have been. after his shift, the younger man would ask to eat with JC and share his frustrations, repaying him in kindness with sweet kisses and even sweeter smiles that felt a little bit too brittle in the morning, when he was bound to leave.

by the end of JC’s trip it was clear to him that he had grown fond of the other man, too much for his own good. but during a vacation, away from home, surrounded by new and exciting things...anyone would have worn a mask to forget their normal life, that reality they would have eventually been forced to come back to.

by the end of his vacation, JC had figured out who their common friend was and remembered how distant Nie HuaiSang had felt falling in love with Mo XuanYu. how sad the younger man’s emotional unavailability has made him feel.

and when they parted ways at the airport, JC kissed him goodbye and never saw him again. the memory of Mo XuanYu’s brittle smile engraved forever in the back of his mind.

back to work. back to his bad bitch persona. it felt good to focus on his job and nothing else for a year or two, keeping others at distance while bossing them from his office as he regained his boss’s trust. being promoted a second time gave him the confidence he needed to move on with his life and by his thirty-seventh birthday he could finally see a future for himself.

therapy was helping a great deal and even his siblings seemed to notice his progress, praising him for his willingness to seek help and his hard work.

A-Yuan and A-Ling included: the kids were growing up too fast, involving their uncle in their school projects and plans for mischief any chance they got to see him.

Lan Huan caught everyone by surprise one day in autumn by confirming YanLi and Wei Ying’s suspicions about his breakup with Nie MingJue, Nie HuaiSang’s older brother.

the older man didn’t tell them why he had stepped back from his engagement with the man, aside from saying that the both of them had found out something concerning about their past and common acquaintances. the discovery making them feel so disheartened to the point of braking their engagement of mutual accord.

JC felt bad for the man, knowing how much it hurt to lose someone so dear. not that they had had been able to discuss over the matter much, not even after A-Yao had left. it would have been awkward to talk about their common ex and his penchant for secrets and hurting other people’s feelings.

but they understood each other well enough and started talking more, out of their common interest in their nephews and their well-being.

five years later, JC was forty-two and content with his life. A-Ling was close to thirteen and A-Yuan quickly approaching fifteen. he could see them growing up and out of his reach, but their affection for him never wavered. until one day A-Yuan called him in the middle of the night, startling him awake.

apparently, his best friend JinGyi had called him for help after being beaten up by his foster mother and A-Yuan didn’t know what to do. calling his parents would have only alerted and worried Wei Ying and Lan Zhan, who were probably still asleep and hadn’t even noticed their son had sneaked out in the middle of the night.

panicked and worried, JC called Lan Huan instead and they left for the hospital. and something hurt at the sight of such a young boy lying still on a bed too big for him. something else clicked in JC’s brain at the sight but it would have taken him several months to realize what exactly.

furious and restless, Lan Huan spend months looking for the woman who had hurt the child, eventually destroying her in court until he pried a confession out of her. social services immediately alerted as JC inquired over the possibility of giving the child a permanent home himself.

not even a year later, JC was able to welcome the kid in their new house in the quietest part of town. it took a while for the boy to adjust, worrying over JC eventually changing his mind and letting him go. “who even adopts someone close to be of age?” JinGyi had asked, frustrated and certain JC would grow bored of him.

but JC was there to reassure him every step of the way, telling him family was forever and not something easily dismissible. he repeated it until the boy seemed satisfied and called him “dad” for the first time one inconspicuous evening at dinner. if JC cried on his pizza, well, nobody has to know.

Lan Huan was glad to listen to JC gushing over his son, more than supportive and borderline enthusiastic to listen to every little progress and new success.

JC knew this was enough, but he would lie saying he hadn’t felt loved by the other man. yet, he didn’t dare hope he could have another chance at happiness at almost fifty years old. Lan Huan himself close to fifty-five and well settled into his career as a lawyer...too much to consider a valuable partnership with someone like JC.

his therapist had bashed him for ages over such insecurity, but JC could only smile at him and shrug. many people didn’t find their happy ending and he still had JinGyi to look after. which seemed a good way to spend the rest of his life.

so it came as a surprise when, one evening, as JC overlooked at Lan Huan building a piece of furniture with JinGyi in their living room, he started crying with love and affection.

“why are you crying Jiang Cheng?”

“I’m happy.”

he really was.

he still is to this day.

[they don’t marry, but they do spend the rest of their life together anyway]

I need a break, this took days to make D:

80 notes · View notes

thatsystemerror · 4 years

Text

the best things about Outer Banks

*spoilers ahead*

Holy hell, this turned out so long. I decided to make a second post solely dedicated to quotes because I just could not fit that in here anymore. I guess it speaks for this show that I had enough material to make two... Anyways, enjoy!

pt.2 - The Best Quotes From OUTER BANKS

NOT the pace at which John B and Sarah’s relationship develops

noT AT ALL

sorry, done with the venting now

anyhow, the group being TIGHT ™

JJ making you feel one of three ways:

“oh heLLO, JJ” (mostly without a shirt scenes)

“ugh, JJ” (he brought the gun and/or is being a dick scenes)

“awww, JJ...” (you know which scenes)

Kie’s outfits

the golden hour lighting

the sets being actual houses

the beach/sea/surfer aesthetic

the van

The Chateau™

JJ’s rings

Pope’s contributions being overlooked, always

everyone’s motivation on this show: “How much?” “400 mill”

conclusion: that’s worth fucking shit up

Kie actually being really skilled in politely but determinedly shutting her guy friends down when “macking” on her

ya know, until the Pope pity party at the end...

cuz that’s what it felt like, for real

I actually thought JJ and Pope might have a thing going...

the soundtrack full of surf guitar music

the intro font always making it feel like some 90s Miami-set crime show is about to start

John B’s hair, I think?

I mean, I don’t know what you’re into...

I just feel like it’s a breath of fresh air on the boy’s-hairstyles-tv-landscape

getting major “Don’t Breathe” vibes from the blind old lady shooting up her house

I appreciate them trying to make her actually kinda creepy, because they usually fail miserably with "scary” elements on non horror stuff

I don’t know if you catch my drift, just thought it was well done...

Sarah getting stung by a jellyfish and everyone just like not really caring??

all of them thinking for even oNE SECOND that they weren’t gonna get screwed over with the gold

JJ looking like the lead of any 90s teen production at all times

JJ just effortlessly blending in with the waiters at the party

or that time when he fake cried on command to save his ass

but like every character has good acting skills (or simply is a good liar, I guess it’s a matter of philosophy)

JJ and Pope betting money on Kie and Sarah

Kie starting a fire to save everyone’s ass

the Vlad and Val thing (cheesy for sure, but adorbs nonetheless)

highkey though the guy playing the drug dealer is a really good actor, cuz I’m sure he’s nice and cool and all irl but as Barry all he makes me think of is this:

Topper’s Frosted Tips™ (gosh that sounds so unbelieveabley sexual I can’t believe it’s not sexual)

JJ constantly trolling every authority figure

Sarah not being the perfect-snobby-rich-chick-daughter despite being expected to be by everyone

JJ robbing the coast guard of a pen? because he ignored him

“bring it on Aggie, you bitch” sign (I don’t think stroms can read but nice touch)

especially the first few episodes finally being an accurate depiction of how teenage boys always wear their hat floating like 5″ above their head and hoW FUCKING DUMB IT LOOKS!!! thank you! please stop...

Pope loosing his pants at the cemetary (like imagine him having to explain that to his mama)

the “friends” awkwardly waving at Kie’s dad

that one silouette shot ✨cinematography, bitches✨

never actually seeing John B give the BMX bike back to that poor kid...

going back to save the Big John photograph from the street (tears, man... tEArS)

John B being a major wuss while Sarah is cleaning his wound

NEVER having the gun when actually needed

ALWAYS having the gun when it could get you in major trouble

JJ taking the blame to save Pope

JB’s finger guns after his first kiss with Sarah (John B you smooth mf...)

that opening shot in ep.4 zooming in on the boat through the storm clouds

everybody being collectively surprised to see JB in a school building

the blood splattering against the window of the car with JJ and his dad in it (terrible scene, A+ effect!)

JJ sneaking through the swamp with a backpack on his head

the actor of Sarah’s dad managing to give you the creeps with some subtle crazy eyes even before it turns out he’s actually crazy

Kie fooling Pope with her British accent

Rose thinking she’s some kind of High Priestess at the midsummers party

John B putting a bow tie on JJ

BROMANCE™ (alternative title)

JJ delivering the note dancing flirtatiously

Sarah thinking pushing John B down would magically have made him invisible to Topper watching them for thE LAST 5 MINUTES??!

JJ twirling Kie around when leaving the Kook party

Topper accidently confessing his creepy-stalker-love to a 13 year old

Kie slapping John B

John B slapping Kie

violence is not the answer, kids! but I guess these were friendly slaps, so it’s okay

JB telling Sarah how “everything’s fine” with the Pogues and then cutting to it being definitely not

John B saying: “I don’t give a shit if she’s an axe murderer” and Pope making this face: 😲

a brilliant plan being ruined by a porch light

everybody constantly shitting on 1... 2... 3!

is that a The Shining reference I’m seeing????

how tf did it take them so long to realize she’s blind I-

and then once they did, Sarah states: “that bitch can’t aim” ???

like yeah, obviously, you just said it yourself sHE’S BLIND!!!????

anywho, John B not even bothering to fake excitement over the fishing trip

JJ finding “that’s what she said” disproportionately funny

the group wordlessly agreeing that somebody should probably look after JJ at the drug dealer’s

Sarah confidently telling JB she’s a virgin without it being all awkward (rare sight in teen shows back in my day)

Pope’s “Thrasher” shirt (like damn that’s off brand, but funny!)

JJ getting floaties for drinks in the whirlpool

the Whirlpool Group Hug™

JB telling Sarah goodbye before the fishing trip and me deadass thinking for a sec that he set an alarm to creep into his gf’s room in the middle of the night

Ward having sOmE NErVE to interrogate JB after killing his father (and later basically calling Rafe a psycho?!! like bitch get a mirror and baptized, thank you)

John B driving through the fence at the airport

Sarah yelling at her dad “you’re gonna kill him” like that’s gonna stop him lol

the cop at the airport giving us real talk about what police first aid training probably looks like

JB wanting to tell the cops what happened out of the goodness of his heart

Wheezie sticking up for her sister

Rafe calling John B a maniac (the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree, I see)

JB locking himself in, in a house with Topper (like god damn, Karma’s a bitch huh)

Sarah, a teenage girl mind you, getting away from a trained-special-force-FBI-whatever-cop-dude in full armor by KNEEING him

Rafe talking to his Emotional Support Dealer™

the Pogues standing up to their parents for frIEnDsHIp!!!

JJ about to play “Operation” on his dad to get the keys

the missed opportunity to use “I Shot The Sheriff” on the soundtrack

I’m still a bit salty....

JB getting out of the cop car like that’s just normal

Pope going to shake Kie’s hand to make up

Sarah making it just in time

Ward being the “final card” lmao

Pope’s fam taking JJ into their group hug

the chill fisherman dude (with a wild romantic past?) taking in JB and Sarah

I demand a spin-off for that guy’s story btw

I’m so sorry for how long this must’ve taken to read. Seems like a good time to remind you that there’s more though:

pt.2 - The Best Quotes From OUTER BANKS

It’s a great show (even though in parts I would’ve preferred them to step off the cheese grater a little bit). Overall (aside from the obviously heavy themes), it reminds me of all the Australian teen shows I used to watch growing up (mixed with “the Outsiders” maybe?) and it makes me actually a bit excited for summer.

And I hate summer, so that’s saying something!

@thatsystemerror

the best things about - masterpost

37 notes · View notes

farawaysoph-ie · 4 years

Text

Incoherent Gideon the Ninth Whatever

So as some of you may have noticed (...) I finished Gideon the Ninth some hours ago, then went to sleep (bc apparently I still need sleep, amateur) but after waking up I'm still #shook.

So here's one of my long nosense lists (FULL SPOILERS ahead):

The whole set-up was bound to be OTP material: we spent our lives hating each other but now I gotta protect your tiny necromancer ass even if you tell me nothing and people are dying

Who was gonna tell me that necromancers, swords AND space went so well with each other?

Also the covers for these books are SO. BEAUTIFUL?

Gideon I'm-gonna-make-a-dirty-joke-even-if-everyone-ignores-me-and-people-are-dying Nav

Nav was a Niner name

Because I hate you (sure sugarlips, sure)

Griddle (really Reverend Daughter, really?)

“Ten thousand years of tradition, Griddle.” “I don’t have ten thousand years of tradition, bitch”

This. This is were I realized I would end up selling my soul for Gideon.

This and every time she put on her SUNGLASSES

"Gideon had nowhere to go and nothing to be, and no orders and no goals[...]."

When she punched the Third cavalier #draghim

"The hard moue of his mouth told her that he was used to making people feel that way, but also that he definitely used lip balm."

The things Gideon noticed, I swear

"He had the eyes of a very beautiful person, trapped in resting bitch face."

I'll never be over Palamedes Sextus

Harrow regained consciousness just to tell Palamedes he was not the greatest necromancer of his generation, and if this doesn't tell something about her, I don't know what does

"“This calls for rigor, Nav.” “Maybe rigor … mortis,” said Gideon, who assumed that puns were funny automatically."

Gideon Nav Talking Time

"Don’t go down there solo. Don’t die in a bone. I am your creature, gloom mistress. I serve you with fidelity as big as a mountain, penumbral lady."

“I am your sworn sword, night boss.”

"Gideon’s mouth was about to round out the words “bone empress” before she realised what had been said."

I never thought I would one day read something like "Teacher said that the facility was chocka with ghosts and you might die?"

Gideon "ghosts and you might die" Nav

Are we going to talk about Gideon's biceps?

“The arms kind of looked like swords. I want to fight it.” (we truly are blessed)

"My brain is always yelling at you"

When Harrow compliments Gideon sword fighting? (Asdfghjklkjhgfdsa)

Gideon: I just want to eat and sleep like a normal person

Harrow, who runs on darkness and bones apparently: what do you mean?

"I need you to trust me"

"I need you to be trustworthy"

"Too much of this shit, and they’d end up friends."

Just make out already.

I just loved Gideon fake vow of silence because for half of the book everyone considered her this fierce serious warrior nun, but this clashed so much with her inner thoughts omg

So basically "Gideon longed to say: What the fuck?"

Gideon being totally cool with Harrow sucking her life energy, #rideordie more like #rideanddie

“Nice to know that the other Houses are also creeps,”

"Why?" "Probably because you asked."

Gideon is the definition of pure of heart and dumb of ass, seriously

"“Ha-ha,” said Gideon, “first time you didn’t call me Griddle,” and died."

"Take your hand off my wif... I mean my cavalier" that's how it went right?

"Gideon wanted to say, Nonagesimus, quit the sacred-bat-black-vestal act[...]"

The respect for the Sixth House that reached the maximum when Pal and Cam destroyed the second house and served the bullies justice

DEATH FIRST TO VULTURES AND SCAVANGERS.

The power of this scene

"“You don’t talk like—how I thought you might talk"", bless the teens, I didn't understand why they were always insulted when described, but maybe it was just my sleep deprived and non-native speaker impression

"Eat me, milk man"

When Gideon and Harrow were fighting about Dulcinea, I suffered

And the stuff about the head, seriously Gideon was almost going to kill her bone empress

“It’s nearly ten thousand years old, if that’s what you mean.” “Well, I’m not,” she said. “So … what the fuck, basically.” “The ultimate question,”

"Camilla was nobody’s fool, though how she’d cuffed Harrow was going to be a tale of terror for another day."

"Gideon had prepared beforehand a fuck-you salvo so long and so loud that Harrow would have to be taken away to be killed; but then Harrow added, “Please.”"

THE POOL SCENE

"“Too many words,” said Gideon confidentially. “How about these: One flesh, one end, bitch.” The Ninth House necromancer flushed nearly black. Gideon tilted her head up and caught her gaze: “Say it, loser.” “One flesh—one end,” Harrow repeated fumblingly, and then could say no more."

Yes, yes, of course I died.

“If anything moves—” “Yaaas, I know. Let it head for Camilla.” (Gideon was wild until the end, a queen)

"I have you. We bring hell." (the tears)

"With Harrow there, suddenly it was easy, and her horror of the monster turned to the ferocious joy of vengeance. Long years of warfare meant that they each knew exactly where the other would stand—every arc of a sword, every jostling scapula. No hole in the other’s defences went unshielded. They had never fought together before, but they had always fought, and they could work in and around each other without a second’s thought."

I'm sorry but did Gideon take on a freacking Lyctor with just her sword, a broken kneecap and other wounds?

And Harrow waking up "Step off, bitch", like not on my watch

When Gideon said "I'm just me" I swear I heard my heart breaking

"Her hands were not shaking anymore" YES BUT WHAT ABOUT ME SOBBING?

The whole scene of them fighting the Lyctor, like Gideon being her smartass self until the end I cannot even

If no one ever tells my hallucination "I cannot conceive of a universe without you in it." then what's even the point

"See you one the flip side, sugarlips"

A very honorable mention:

"“He say anything?” Gideon wavered. “He said to tell you he loved you,” she said. “What? No, he didn’t.” “Okay, no, sorry. He said—he said you knew what to do?”"

This was just so real and Palamedes and Camilla were #squadgoals.

Now all I'm left with are overthinking stuff and making up theories.

Like there is NO WAY IN HELL Gideon is dead. My girl survived killing gas when she was weeks old. She woke up sore from something that should have sent her in a coma. And the fake Dulcinea telling she knew another Gideon once. Also you all suggested that the Emperor might be the evil one here (excuse my naive self, I'm slow with this stuff we don't have many conspiracy theories where I live). And hell yeah, I'm on board, let's break the shackles of the girl in the Lost Tomb and overthrow an Empire. I mean how could the Undying King not find any body, I mean Judith was dying and there were no others necromancers left on the planet.

And now my wait begins. For now:

Death first to vultures and scavengers, losers.

#gideon the ninth #incoherent whatever #gideon the ninth spoilers #tasmyn muir

135 notes · View notes

incarnateirony · 4 years

Note

Hey dude! Do you have any recommendations for LGBTQ+ movies in the romance genre that have like a happy ending. I really don't care how old they are. I'm feeling the Gay™ hence I need the Gay™. You feel me?

HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII NONNIE

First sorry for taking so long, not only did I have to timeline this :) but :) my computer :) froze :) after writing like :) 2 pages :) and I had to do it again :)

So anyway let it be said, the LGBT dialogue is one of osmosis and shared growth and awareness. Some of these films will be very poorly dated, but as you (thankfully) mentioned that them being old wasn’t a *problem*, expect a lot of old stuff. Because one of the most important things to have under your belt when talking about the LGBT media representation battle is the actual journey from A to B – be that incrementalization, subtextual inclusion, text-breeching features, outright evocative and groundbreaking films at the time (which is what MOST of this list will be) and an improvement in our dialogue; let us never forget that while tr*nss*xual is considered a slur and transgender is proper, tr*nss*xual was at one point the politically correct way to speak it – things like that breach in our growing understanding of the spectrum of human sexuality.

I *WILL* disclaimer these aren’t all romance, so if you explicitly want romance, google them and take a look if it sounds to appeal, but I’m taking this as a general cinema history plug considering what a confused mess fandom conversation about LGBT history in film or modern text as applicable, accepted or not.

Wonder Bar (1936) (I wouldn’t really call this queer cinema, but if you have the time to watch it too, I think it was the first explicit mention of homosexual engagement even if it was fleetingly brief. You might even call it Last Call style. A blink and you’ll miss it plug that was still decades ahead of its time)

Sylvia Scarlet (1936) (Again, I wouldn’t call this queer cinema, but a lot of the community takes it as the first potential trans representation on TV due to the lead literally swapping gender presentation, even if the presentation is… not what we would modernly call representation IMO)

Un Chant d'Amour (1950) (Worth it for the sheer fact that it pissed off fundies so bad they took it all the way to the US supreme court to get it declared obscene.)

The Children’s Hour (1961) (also known as the 1961 lesson to “don’t be a gossipy, outting bitch”)

Victim (1961) (The first english film to use the word “homosexual” and to focus explicitly on gay sexuality. People might look on it disdainfully from modern lenses, but it really helped progress british understanding of homosexuality)

Scorpio Rising (1964) (Lmao this one deadass got taken to court when it pissed people off and California had to rule that it didn’t count as obscene bc it had social value, worth it for the history if nothing else)

Theorem (1968) (Because who doesn’t wanna watch a 60s flick about a bisexual angel, modern issues and associations be damned)

The Killing of Sister George (1968) (by the makers of What Ever Happened To Baby Jane)

Midnight Cowboy (1969) (…have I had sassy contagonists in RP make a Dean joke off of this more than once, maybe)

Fellini-Satyricon (1969) (AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA THIS)

The Boys in the Band (1970) (This… this… this made a lot of fuss. Just remember leather)

Pink Narcissus (1971) (a labor of love shot on someone’s personal camera)

Death in Venice (1971) (This is basically a T&S prequel but whatever, based on a much older book)

Cabaret (1972)

Pink Flamingos (1972) (SHIT’S WILD)

The Bitter Tears of Petra von Kant (1972) (The title doesn’t lie, be warned)

The Rocky Horror Picture Show (1975) [god I hope you’ve at least seen this]

Fox and His Friends (1975) (some really hard lessons that are still viable today, that just because someone acknowledges your sexuality doesn’t mean they give a shit about you as a person, and that some will even abuse the knowledge for gain)

The Terence Davies Trilogy (1983) (REALLY interesting history look it up, it’s sort of one of those “drawn from own experience” story short sets)

The Times of Harvey Milk (1984) (Documentary)

Desert Hearts (1985) (Pretty much the first film to put lesbianism into a good light as a true focus based on a novel from the sixties)

Parting Glances (1986) (the only film its creator got out before his death from the aids epidemic)

Law of Desire (1987) (two men and a trans woman in a love triangle, kinda ahead of its time)

Maurice (1987) (This one’s really interesting, cuz it was based on a book made about 15 years before it, but the book itself had been written half a century earlier and wasn’t published until after the guy died, he just thought it’d never get published Cuz Gay, so basically it’s based on a story written in like, the 20s finally getting screen time. It has a bittersweet but positive-leaning-ish ending without disregarding the cost that can come with it and even addresses class issues at the same time 100% DO RECOMMEND)

Tongues Untied (1989) (a documentary to give voices to LGBT black men)

Longtime Companion (1990) (This one’s title alone is history, based on a NYT phrasing for how they talked about people’s partners dying, eg longtime companion, during the AIDS epidemic)

Paris Is Burning (1990) (Drag culture and related sexual and gender identity exploration as it intersected with class issues and other privileges explored in a documentary)

The Crying Game (1992)( I should correct this that I guess it’s more, 1992 considered, “SURPRISE, DIL HAS A DILL!” – I guess I really didn’t do that summary justice by modern language and dialogue as much as how people in the 90s were talking about that and that’s a my bad. LIKE. SEE, EVEN I CAN FUCK UP MY LANGUAGE I’M SORRY CAN I BLAME THE STRAIGHTS T_T) #90skidproblems – I guess I should call it a trans film. And this alone tells me I should go watch it again to recode it in my brain modernly rather than like circa de la 2000 understanding.

The Bird Cage (1996) (So you mix drag culture, otherwise heterosexually connected lovebirds, and then realize the girl comes from an alt-rightish house and the guy comes from a Two Dads Home and does cabaret, how to deal with the issues OF this conflict when it’s between you and your happiness, even if the fight isn’t even your own as much as it is that of the person you love. The answer is PROBABLY NOT to dress in drag and pretend to be straight, but what are you going to do? – while played for laughs we’d consider modernly crude, the fact that they even dared to approach this narrative was pretty loud)

The Celluloid Closet (1996) (Ever heard of the Vito Russo test for LGBT representation? This is based on a book by Vito Russo.)

Happy Together (1997) (Ain’t this shit an ironic name; a mutual narrative, via chinese flick, of hong kong ceding to china and an irrevocably tangled MLM pairing as a giant mirrored metaphor)

Boys Don’t Cry (1999) (one of the most groundbreaking films about trans identity at the time)

Stranger Inside (2001) (As easy as it is to recoil to the idea of “black gays in jail”, the film makers actually went and consulted prisoners and put a great deal of focus into intersectional african american issues that really weren’t around even in straight films at the time)

Transamerica (2005) (While it made a bit of a fuss for not casting an actual trans actor, it was one of the first times a big budget studio really tried to tackle it which really pushed us forward)

Call Me by Your Name (2017) (since I’ve apparently leaned really heavy old cinema throw in a modern one lmaooooo)

Also honorable The Kids Are All Right (2010) mention for the sake of the fucking title alone.

And to any incarnation of “On the Road” by Kerouac, which

Was originally a book

Released a sanitized de-gayed edition because of the times

Later released the full homo manuscript

had a few film adaptations

Was one of Kripke’s founding inspirations for Supernatural once he left behind “Some reporter guy chases stories” and took the formula of Sal and Dean (and tbh later, Carlo) in a beat generation vibe gone modern as we know it today.

Reading both versions of this can actually help some folks currently understand that when you get confused over some shit (WHY IS CARLO SO UPSET? WHY IS HE ACTING LIKE AN UPSET GIRLFRIEND??? WHY IS HE SO JEALOUS AND SAD WHEN DEAN IS AROUND GIRLS???? WE JUST DONT KNOWWWWWWWWWWWWW) it’s because some big money asshat bleached the content, and sometimes, it takes a while for the full script to come out and again, surprise, it’s been GAY, they just didn’t want to OFFEND anybody. *jazz hands*

Now if you wanna go WAY WAY BACK, during 191X years, a bunch of gender role flicks came out like Charley’s Aunt, Mabel’s Blunder and the Florida Enchantment.

Also where is @thecoffeebrain-blog to yell about the necessity of watching Oz, for the next few hours? But no, seriously, just look into the entire LGBT *HISTORY* of Oz.

Beyond that though I’m gonna stop here cuz hi that’s a lot. I really don’t know how much counts as “happy ending” but if I had to give an LGBT cinema rec list, that’s it as a sum. I don’t really have like, a big portfolio of UWU HAPPY ENDING GAYS because 1. there aren’t a lot of those but 2. to me, it’s not about the ending, it’s about the journey. Be that in flick or through culture and history itself.

If you want more happy ending stuff, you definitely have to look at 2010+, but it’s not like we’re in a rich and fertile landscape yet so honestly just googling that would probably serve you better since I don’t explicitly explore romance genre or happy endings to really have a collection. LGBT life is hard and film often reflects that if we’re making genuine statements about it and really representing it, and we’re just now getting to a point of reliably having the chance at a happy ending. That or maybe someone can add like “Explicit happy endings” lists after this that has more experience in that subgenre.

Also, I can’t emphasize ENOUGH to remember what was progressive then is not what is progressive now, and frankly, what some people think is progressive now they’ll probably look back on what they said and feel really fuckin’ embarrassed. See: “It’s not text because by alt right homophobic dialogue, M/M sex isn’t gay if you do the secret handshake” MGTOW kinda crazy ass dialogue or parallel narratives they inspire that encourage self-closeting and denial based on the pure idea that being gay makes you somehow lesser, so It’s Not That. Like. I am. 99% sure. At least half of the people talking in this fandom. Are going to regret that the internet is forever. And maybe hope hosting servers end in the inevitable nuclear war that will annihilate this planet.

Also, edit: Speaking of mistaken dialogues and words aging poorly, I’d like to apologize from the poor description I rendered “The Crying Game” with, but that really goes to show how deep-seated the issue is we can so casually fuck up identifying a trans narrative as SURPRISE DICK IS GAY when we were all absorbing the content like 20+ years ago and HOW HARD it can be to de-code yourself from that kind of programming because here I am, writing a giant assed rep post and fucking it up because my brain hadn’t soaked that movie since Y2K. Guess what, time for me to go watch the Crying Game again.

#lgbtqia #representation #media #cinema history

99 notes · View notes

scaryscarecrows · 4 years

Text

I Am Faded Through

AN: Title from Breaking Benjamin’s ‘Torn in Two’ which is basically Antoine’s theme song. He’s a pretty well-adjusted sort, but right now he’s tired and he’s stressed. Post Laughing Batman incident, Happy Timeline version.

* * *

Sam was a good patient. He stayed in bed-or sometimes the couch, so he could watch TV-and took his medicine when he was supposed to and was generally a cooperative boy.

The boss is...Mark’s dubbed him a Patient From Hell, but Frank’s a generous sort by nature and...it’s just...he could word it a little better, but...well...

Mark isn’t wrong.

Jason has attempted to get up about five times, succeeded twice, argued about the painkillers and lost, and is generally only alive because he’s a spiteful, stubborn bastard. Frank expects nothing less; anyone who builds an army to kill Batman has to be stubborn. Surviving an explosion of that magnitude? Yeah.

They’ve given him a babysitter, though, because he keeps trying to get up and track down Batman. Frank can’t blame him, he really can’t, but...Batman’s nowhere to be found, they’re handling it, and he about died.

Antoine’s on duty right now, and has been more often than not. That mess at the asylum dredged up some nasty memories. Frank gets it. He does. But the kid’s gonna be sorry if he sleeps in that chair again.

If he doesn’t move, Frank’s happy to go get Trent and make him move. It’s for his own good. But he’s going to try the nice route first. He knows what he’d rather have.

Jason’s asleep, one arm hanging off the bed and the other flung over his face. He’s breathing easy enough, with no signs of nightmares (he’s ripped some stitches once already), but he’s half-squirmed out of his blankets. Frank sighs, remembers when Sam was little and would, somehow, manage to kick his blankets halfway across the room, fling a leg off the mattress, and still wake up bouncy.

Kids.

He pulls the blankets down, settles Jason’s arms by his sides, and tucks him back in. There.

Frank had hoped, just a little, that Antoine would be awake. But no. Of course not. He’s young, he hasn’t suffered the horrors of an out back yet. He doesn’t know any better.

He sighs and shuffles closer to shake him awake. He feels bad about it, is the thing, and if he could, he’d happily turn around and leave. But it’s for the best; the shadows under his eyes are halfway to his damn jaw, he’s pale and sickish-looking, and Frank will bet money that he’ll get some nice cracks out of his joints when he gets up. So he crouches down, reaches over, and gives him a little shake.

“C’mon, Antoine. Wake up, bud.”

He does, sort of, jolting upright and leading with his right fist. Just like he did last time. And just like last time, it’s sloppy and wild and Frank easily tips to the side to avoid it.

“Hey,” he says gently. “Come on. Time for bed.”

“F-Frank…?”

“Yeah.” Now that he’s not running on fight-or-flight, it’s safe to ruffle his hair. “Time for bed.”

“But…”

“I’m gonna take over for you, okay? You need a night’s sleep in a bed, not a chair.”

Antoine blinks a few times before shaking his head and settling back into the chair with a sleepy, “Said I’d--”

“Nah-uh. Come on.” He stands up, knee cracking, and holds out his hand. “Let’s go.”

“Can’t.” This sorry, stubborn little… “M’good. Chair’s comfy.”

“Up we go.”

“Can’t.” This is new. Frank goes back down so they’re at eye level and waits. “I gotta stay here.”

“Somebody’s gotta stay here, bud,” Frank says gently. “I’m gonna take over for you so you can sleep and not wake up all hunched over.”

“I gotta stay here,” Antoine insists, voice low and borderline frantic. “I gotta stay here, this is my fault--”

Where’s Mark and his bag of sedatives when you need him?

“Hey-hey, knock that off.” Frank gives him a little shake. “This is Batman’s fault. And Scarecrow’s. And okay, maybe we shouldn’t have signed up to pick a fight with the Bat, but--”

“Uh-uh.” He straightens up, grimacing as he does so, and pokes at a bruise on his wrist. Frank resists the urge to make him stop it. “Something was up and I knew something was up and I didn’t--”

“Shh.” Now he does tug his fingers away from the bruise. “Stop that, and listen. There was nothing you-or anybody else-could’ve done to keep him from making questionable life choices. You hear? Nothing about this is your fault--”

“If I’d been paying attention--”

“We were in way over our heads--”

“The fucking Amazon all over again--”

And there it is. Frank’s been waiting, a little, for that to come up. Antoine doesn’t like to talk about it, says he’s over it, and most of the time that’s true. Just like most of the time Riley’s okay with cookouts. Just like most of the time Frank can drive at night.

Most of the time being the key phrase.

“No, it’s not,” he says carefully. “Everybody made it out, everybody’s fine, and that wasn’t your fault, either, you know that--”

Antoine laughs. Well. He makes a noise related to laughter, but it’s broken and very unsettling.

“Something wasn’t right,” he says, breathing still too fast and too shallow. “I knew something wasn’t right, but I didn’t want--I didn’t know how to--Jesus Christ--”

“Come here.” Frank leans up and over and tugs him into a...it’s meant as a hug, but Antoine’s ramrod straight and shaking. “Come here, come on...there we go. There we go. You’re fine. We’re all fine.”

Antoine resists the hug for all of five seconds before going limp and letting himself be rocked a bit. Hey, it doesn’t matter if you’re two or twenty, it works. There’s probably some sorta science behind it.

“Sh-sh-sh...you’re good, you’re good, I gotcha…”

“I’m sorry,” he chokes, and Frank tightens his grip. “I’m sorry, I just--I don’t know what got into me--”

“Stress and overtired. Don’t be sorry.”

“But--”

“Shh.” He pats his shoulder. “Just settle down now. Come on, deep breaths.”

Frank seriously considers going to get Mark and his bag of sedatives anyway; the shaking isn’t stopping and Antoine sounds like he’s about to start hyperventilating. But he manages to keep himself together, and when Frank moves to let go of him he doesn’t fall out of the chair or anything.

“You good?”

It’s obvious he’s not, but he shrugs and nods anyway.

“I’m good.”

Frank lets him have that, because what’s a man got if he doesn’t have his pride, and stands up--owwowow, old, getting old is awful, floors are your new enemy. Wow.

“Don’t make me call Trent. I’ll take over, you need a decent night’s sleep.” Antoine’s quiet for a few minutes, but he does finally struggle upright. Good. “Go on.”

“You’re sure?”

“I’m not asking.”

“Okay.” He yawns and rubs at his jaw, visibly cringing at the stubble. “G’night…”

He stumbles off and Frank settles down in his place. He’s tired. It’s...it’s been a long few days. He’ll be glad, truth be told, when this is all over. He can fly blind. It’s not unheard of, to fly blind. But he’s never liked having to. That’s what contingency plans are for.

Jason sighs, squirms a little bit before going still again, and Frank pulls out his tablet to check the drones’ settings and make sure nobody’s malfunctioning. They don’t seem to be, but they’re not picking anything up, and...well...he’s not sure, nobody is, how much of Batman is still there. Does he know how to use all his gadgets? Who knows. Not them. Frank’s hoping no, but Jimmy’s rightfully paranoid and he’s been updating the programming as much as he can, under the circumstances.

What was that--nothing. Absolutely nothing. Frank sort of wishes it was something. Not knowing is awful.

Maybe Batman’s dead. That would be perfectly fine. Preferable, even. But he doubts that. They should be so lucky.

Scans are blank. Scans are always blank. Scans, searches...he’s nowhere. It’s infuriating.

Never mind. They’ll find him. He has to be at least injured, right? Surely.

Out of nowhere, Frank has the horrible idea of a squad hefting up a piece of rubble and letting him out of whatever hidey-hole he’d gotten stuck in. Maybe...just...nope, nothing there either.

Where are you, you son of a bitch?

Zilch. He sets the tablet aside and looks up at the ceiling, eyes tired, and pops his neck. They’ll find him eventually, Frank’s positive.

He just hopes it’s not when he pops out of a grate to slaughter them all.

THE END

#Frank Clyde #Antoine Drouot #Antoine gets a much-needed hug #Jason is technically here #but Mark's drugged his ass #he'd sleep through an alien invasion #plot screw plot #plots are for cowards #only hugs

22 notes · View notes

othersworldly · 5 years

Text

hello, hello, its the double pisces you litcherally never asked for. i went into the tags, found this serotonin gyllenhaal and then accidentally named him after the new, popular character he plays on turkish tv after googling male names for 1 hour straight. if that doesn’t just explain who i am as a person i don’t know what else will. i’m twenty-three and legally cannot do math or i will explode. thank you for dealing with me and sorry in advanced but i can’t and won’t be tamed.

ÇAĞLAR ERTUĞRUL, MALE, HE/HIM, HELLHOUND / deep in the pacific northwest lives KEREM HAZAR. i heard they’ve been living there for a year and last saw them hanging around mount peak cemetery, i think they might’ve been tending to the forgotten grave markers. at three hundred and eleven years old, rem doesn’t look a day over thirty. everyone around here always associates them with the phantom warmth of a flickering flame, the rich timbre of an old engine roaring to life, and the icy smell of spearmint. hope they enjoy their stay ! ( naomi, pst, she/her, 23 )

B A S I C I N F O R M A T I O N

LEGAL NAME: Kerem ‘Rem’ Hazar DATE OF BIRTH: December 12th / sagittarius GENDER | SPECIES | Male / Hellhound

LIKE[S]: Winning, the smell of leather, fruit punch DISLIKE[S]: Losing, Lack of effort, Intolerance, Cheating

FEAR[S]: no fears . *taxes* .. one fear.

PERSONALITY TRAITS: + CONFIDENT, STRONG-WILLED, SELF-DISCIPLINED – RECKLESS, OVERLY COMPETITIVE.

P H Y S I C A L I N F O R M A T I O N

HAIR COLOR: Brown EYE COLOR: Blue HEIGHT: 6′2″ BUILD: Athletic, Fit,

DISTINGUISHING FEATURES: he always looks well-rested. very sus

STYLE: grey henleys, grey jeans, worn docs, he’s a casual guy with casual style

TATTOOS/PIERCINGS: brand of the hunt on his left peck.

R E L A T I O N S H I P I N F O R M A T I O N

SEXUAL PREFERENCE: bisexual RELATIONSHIP STAT: legally allowed to leave if no one addresses him directly within 5 minutes of entering a room

pinboard //

more on rem

fire-fighter and certified emt

earth-toned babe who wears mostly greys and browns.

he wears glasses without a prescription because he thinks it makes him more approachable but he often just leaves them around and makes more work for himself by having to go out and hunt for them

lives in a one bedroom apt on the 8th floor of a moderately priced building that has a fire escape - which he uses more often the actual entrance

pet german shepphard named beef stew,

yes beef is a rescue and yes, sometimes rem can be found shouting beef around the block if the four year old pup gets out while he’s gone.

very easy going - he has few personal rules and a few things he stands his ground on but for the most part he’s agreeable and will go anywhere he’s invited.

loves carbonara

runs hot and likes winter but hates it at the same time because he has to carry a jacket around for looks. but on the bright side he always has a jacket for anyone who gets chilly

throughout the years he’s become really good at making bread. he proofs them in mason jars and holds them in his hands to cook them to buttery, flaky perfection

+ insert obsessive hobby here +

hellhound

other hellhounds know them as CEMRE a name they first picked up from a turkish mountain woman. she had muttered it softly at first, watching in awe and horror as they emerged unscathed from the flames that both announced their arrival on earth and wiped out an entire villiage in the frigid remnants of winter that is now known as february.

walks the line of true neutral and chaotic neutral

when actively hunting they are known to do whatever it takes. but when dormant, they are nonplused with the whims of the factions - as long as the supernatural world is properly hidden from the mass populace.

has a preference for ghosts over banshees, but likes both well enough.

thinks witches are good fun because the only one who could demand things of him died a hundred years ago

has no generalized notion about other hellhounds.

understands werewolves in a primal sense but finds them dramatic

not too keen on vampires because the dead should remain dead

actively hunting dragons

connection ideas

bed brewing & beyond - a witch or demon hook up that he can call on for big asks. or he could go out and fetch things for them for $$$ of course. like uber eats but its a nymph skull and he’s covered in blood and its the 90s

casually dating - needless to say, he’s thirty and not even married. so he’s basically on the verge of death or something right? lol . so they casually date and appear at functions together, but its nothing over the top. he has the worst hours but tries to make time for them -- is what im imagining. but we can definitely tweak this to fit ur muse.

TRINITY chasing divinity - i’ve been in love with the idea of angels, of these celestial beings and what it must be like to choke on humanity. so why not just force that on my muse lol. i’d love fo him to just be infatuated ( so no pressure of requited feelings or nothing ) with a creature that exudes purity when he himself was created by the combined power of a demon and a dark witch

dd - besides being, ya know, literal fire, his metabolism burns through everything like it’s nothing. so you can 100% invite him for a night out and he will be your designated driver -- unless he has work of course. then you can call him, wasted af, and he will use his 15 minute break to come get you and tuck you in to bed.

everlasting mario kart - i know mk didn’t exist in the 90s or whatever, but basically they’re both immortals so they can and should fuck each other up ( in a siblings type way ) but the stakes are higher because they can survive most blow backs.

good omens - except we’re not on either side, we don’t care about the kid, and you’ve burnt the popcorn. good going paul

DRU AGOSTI lighthouses in the night -- i’ve been alive for a long time, you’ve been alive a long time. STOP MENTIONING THE TIME I WAS AN ICELANDIC SHEEP FARMER I WAS UNDERCOVER Jfc, yes of course i still know the best way to make sheep milk fuck you. wishing you a crap equinox you smug bitch

same face who dis - obvi has to be someone who can die but. he swears he’s seen you before. its just wild that you look so familiar. you remember me right? and he keeps on call ing your muse the wrong name and unlearning the things that he had previously learned. super flexi back story. heck i’ll even take two if people like it. could be exes, enemies, they fought in a war together and were brothers, they sailed across the ocean and it was very gay and also someone had scruvy? so many options! too many to list!

supermassive blackhole -- please invite him to the vampire baseball games. he can keep up i promise!!

or let’s brainstorm?! im bi and a pisces so i will just be happy for the attention honestly.

that’s it. that’s all i could think of during dbd. i will add more as i think of them/as we plot some out. i’m going to shower and eat an ice cream sandwich . peace out my dudes catcha ya on the other side

#inferisintro

14 notes · View notes

monicalorandavis · 5 years

Text

periods

Weeks ago, maybe months ago, I was in an Uber XL because my friend is dj’ing and doing quite well for himself and also because I was with a group of six other adults and no one could even pretend to be sober enough to drive.

So there we are in the big SUV. I’m in the way back with my friend and every seat is accounted for - even the seat next to the driver. It was a packed ride and the back seat was where the party was at. My friend and I were quite literally bouncing off the walls. I think at one point I turned myself upside down and pressed my feet into the ceiling (I’m that girl) and gyrated my ass off my seat. I don’t know how I avoid hurting myself when I act this way. *Correction: I always, always hurt my pride the next morning when someone shows me the footage on their phone and my drunk voice is shrieking some vile obscenity.*

I remarked to the mixed group of men and women (to be specific, two men and four women) that “Being a girl is the fucking best”. I don’t know why then seemed like the perfect time to share that sentiment with boys, but, I said it and then I immediately regretted it.

Because of course they had to ruin it. I had barely finished the sentence before one of the guys said, “Yeah, except periods.”

And, of course.

Yes, facts.

Periods are bad. They are always, always bad. The four women in the car agreed that they are in fact so, so bad that it’s insane that men don’t get to have them. They at least should have to experience a couple somehow. I suggest some time before they have sex so they can fully understand the undertaking before them. Do they want to create a life in that place that produces the monthly blood mud or are they just horny?

But, it occurred to me in a drunken split-second (which in all fairness was probably closer to a drunken half of a minute), do men think that periods are really the worst thing about being a woman?

The thought burrowed its spiny legs into my beleaguered mind and stuck. What if they are?

Not right now they’re not, obviously. The world, at the moment, for women is bat-shit kookookachoo-Lollapalooza got pregnant by Fyre Festival-burning-down-the-house-no bueno-bad, bad, bad. But, if the world were to somehow heal its wounds of misogyny and close the wage gap and stop domestic violence, and rape, and stigmatizing reproductive health, and harassment, and catcalling, and victim blaming, and gaslighting, and intimidating, and talking over us, and sexualizing our bodies from the minute we sprout the insinuations of breasts, and sex trafficking... we wouldn’t solve the tricky business of getting our periods. It is an immutable fact. (Now, this is a ciswoman rant, I realize. It is admittedly the privilege of being a biological female. Trans women lament the fact they will never have periods. They don’t get the opportunity to bear children. This must be like actual nails on a chalkboard and I am sorry.)

However, periods are whack.

The conversation in the SUV was sort of a wonderful acknowledgement and...conference of sorts. We shared period horror stories and the men were adult enough to not squeal in disgust. Instead, they feigned outrage at the middle school teasing we endured when we bled through our jeans during P.E class. But the truth is, they were probably the same idiots laughing at us those twenty years ago. We all were. We’ve all been taught to hide our tampons in our hands, bras, tiny pockets and pass them to each other like drug paraphernalia. Our periods exist in the cracks of society. Dirty pads are wrapped and wrapped with tissue paper until the blood doesn’t seep out. It’s wasteful. It’s also disrespectful to our uteruses...to each other, really. We’re all pretending for each other. (Do not leave a trace of it anywhere!) But wouldn’t we all be doing better if we stopped pretending?

Every time we hide our periods it’s playing into the farce that women do not actually bleed out of their sex parts. Granted we also deliver babies from our sex parts. But there is a third purpose of the sex part, and you guessed it - the PERIOD.

The more I’m thinking about it, we should put some g.d. respect on her name. Blood is the life force. It is a sacrament. Sometimes we don’t know how badly we wanted a period until all of a sudden one’s missing and we are flippin’ tf out. At least, I am. And most of my friends are. But I guess some of my friends are in a place where raising a family is a thing you could do.

And yet, in spite of the glory of our biological endowment, she is a messy bitch. We cannot deny this fact. (This is the reputation she will never live down.) She has ruined sheets, towels, underwear, leggings, chairs, sofas, pillows, sleep-overs, dates, car rides, vacations, bathing suits, swims with friends, sex with a new guy, waxes, make-out sessions, sporting events, camping. Also, the smell of blood attracts bears, sharks. We are vulnerable to wild animals. We can be eaten because our vaginas are bleeding and we can’t make them stop! I’m basically two weeks away from getting eaten by a bear at any moment. And people wonder why I don’t camp?!?! FOH.

Also, to the point about the bears, she is a (and I hate to say this) smelly bitch. I know that that is so gross but in the spirit of honoring the thing we cannot change, let’s just put it on Front Street. Periods are stinky. Makes sense. The lining from your uterus has been straight up chillin’ in your vagina cave for weeks and weeks so when it drops down it don’t smell fresh. That’s just how it goes. We don’t get to scrub out our uteruses and give ‘em a deep clean in between oil changes. 1) Because that’d be fucking crazy. Have you ever gotten a pap smear? You ain’t opting for those babies more often than is absolutely necessary. And 2) You’d probably screw up the natural balance of your cycle and your pH and whatever else is going on in that mysterious little cabinet.

So what’s the conclusion? Do we stop hiding tampons? Yes. Do we free bleed through our white jeans? I guess if you want to, sure. (I think free bleeding is very, very dope but I ain’t got it like that because I don’t want huge blood stains on my crotch.) But in terms of an artistic expression and a fuck you to the system, almost nothing makes me happier.

So, honor your period. Don’t hide your period for the sake of men. They know we bleed. They’re ok talking about it. They’ll buy you tampons. If they don’t, they are trash and must be gotten rid of. Now that that’s settled, we, the women of the human race must stop telling men that we don’t poop.

#womens issues #periods #girls #body positive #body posi af

4 notes · View notes

creaturebloom · 6 years

Text

this is a 65 question ask meme and im the bitch that’s filling it all out at once to waste time

1. Do you ever doubt the existence of others than you? oh yeah definitely, but it’s usually the other way around where everyone else is real and i am not

2. On a scale of 1-5, how afraid of the dark are you? idk like a 2.5 i guess

3. The person you would never want to meet? i mean. i don’t know ??? how can i know who i don’t want to meet until i have met them and decided they’re the worst

4. What is your favorite word? akimbo

5. If you were a type of tree, what would you be? i would WANT to be a weeping willow, but in all honesty i’d probably be a birch or some type of maple

6. When you looked in the mirror this morning what was the first thing you thought? i honestly cannot recall

7. What shirt are you wearing? a grey pajama shirt

8. What do you label yourself as? the skeleton god

9. Bright room or dark room? i mean if we’re talking the absolute brightest room vs the absolute darkest, i suppose i would pick brightest.

10. What were you doing at midnight last night? for once i was actually asleep

11. Favorite age you’ve been so far? god probably like 8 years old was good

12. Who told you they loved you last? my dad

13. Your worst enemy? it me

14. What is your current desktop picture? it’s a landscape in the style of like miyazaki movie backgrounds

15. Do you like someone? romantically ? no

16. The last song you listened to? poison vine - noah gundersen

17. You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up? just like physically destroy one person ???? idk man. like the consequences of this would probably be too far reaching for me to even fathom. do i get caught ?? does it spark paranoia worldwide ? a string of copy-cat murders ? could i live with myself knowing i killed a human being ?

18. Who would you really like to just punch in the face? nazis

19. If anyone could be your slave for a day, who would it be and what would they have to do? idk like. the idea of a slave that has to do stuff for me for a day is kind of wild. if i can like, make a billionaire my slave and then force them to redistribute their wealth then i’d do that

20. What is your best physical attribute? (showing said attribute is optional) my bones !! i can’t show them to you though, not yet

21. If you were the opposite sex for one day, what would you look like and what would you do? i guess the opposite of nonbinary is SUPER binary so i’d be like half man half woman and i’d look exactly like a halloween costume

22. Do you have a secret talent? If yes, what is it? no, all of my talents are pretty out in the open

23. What is one unique thing you’re afraid of? one unique thing ??? i don’t think anyone really has unique fears. if you dig deep enough they all sort of boil down to the same few things in the end. i guess the most strange fear i have is that spiders will be in my slippers, and so i do not own or wear slippers.

24. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your disposal. oh shit ok. idk all the ingredients but one time i ate a vegetarian bahn mi in chicago and it was like the most heavenly sandwich i’ve ever had. i want that again. endlessly.

25. You just found $100! How are you going to spend it? honestly at this very moment in time i would buy groceries, and also maybe a pad of watercolor paper

26. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere in the world, but you have to leave immediately. Where are you going to go? oof, leave immediately ??? that limits my choices bc i don’t have a passport. i guess i’d go to like. god idk oregon ? colorado ??? the pacific northwest somewhere.

27. An angel appears out of Heaven and offers you a lifetime supply of the alcoholic beverage of your choice. “Be brand-specific” it says. Man! What are you gonna say about that? Even if you don’t drink booze there’s something you can figure out… so what’s it gonna be? wait what am i supposed to figure out if i don’t drink booze ??? like if my plan was to sell it, i’d have to get a liquor license, and that’s a can of worms i don’t care to open. i think i would ask the angel if instead i can get a lifetime supply of, like, that good bahn mi sandwich i was talking about a few questions up.

28. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place? no nerds allowed

29. What is your favorite expletive? i’m pretty partial to fuck, but honesly yikes is what i say most often even though that’s not a swear word. petition to make yikes a swear word.

30. Your house is on fire, holy shit! You have just enough time to run in there and grab ONE inanimate object. Don’t worry, your loved ones and pets have already made it out safely. So what’s the one thing you’re going to save from that blazing inferno? hey so one time there was actually the threat of a fire in my house and despite all these questions no one does anything like that. i put on my shoes, grabbed my phone, sunglasses and water bottle because they were all immediately available as i was exiting the house. so as much as i’d love to grab my box of treasures and keepsakes, i absolutely would not and i know this about myself now.

31. You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be? yikes. i can see the appeal of this for a lot of people, but for myself it’s just uhhh not feasible. i’d always wonder what i erased, and at some point i would uncover the truth. i wouldn’t like to live with that kind of mystery going on.

32. You got kicked out of the country for being a time-traveling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. But check out this cool shit… you can move to anywhere else in the world! oh thank god. i’m moving to a colder climate with universal healthcare.

33. The Celestial Gates Of Beyond have opened, much to your surprise because you didn’t think such a thing existed. Death appears. As it turns out, Death is actually a pretty cool entity, and happens to be in a fantastic mood. Death offers to return the friend/family-member/person/etc. of your choice to the living world. Who will you bring back? okay i would strike a deal here and let’s say i can bring back two pets instead of one person and in this case i would bring back rusty (family golden retriever), and also kohji (brother’s shepherd mix). i’d like to say i’d bring back my cat, but i have two cats now and i know my brother would really like his dog back.

34. What was your last dream about? i don’t really remember, tbh. i’ve been having a lot of weird dreams tho

35. Are you a good….[insert anything you’d like here]? yes i am a VERY good [something]

36. Have you ever been admitted to the hospital? yes ! it was terrifying and i’d never like to do it again thanks

37. Have you ever built a snowman? no, somehow this was never presented to me as an option any time i’ve been around snow

38. What is the color of your socks? buddy i’ve not worn socks in months. but also generally they are striped with various colors.

39. What type of music do you like? gay stuff

40. Do you prefer sunrises or sunsets? sunrises

41. What is your favorite milkshake flavor? chocolate

42. What football team do you support? oh i sure don’t

43. Do you have any scars? yes, many

44. What do you want to be when you graduate? considering that i am no longer in school, the answer is that i want to do whatever i feel like doing at any given moment

45. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? i suppose i’d cure my mental illness (which i’m working on, so, this will happen)

46. Are you reliable? oh, no. no thanks. i absolutely am but i hate feeling obligated so i always choose to not put myself in situations where someone needs to rely on me for anything

47. If you could ask your future self one question, what would it be? i guess i’d ask if they’re happy

48. Do you hold grudges? i mean. i don’t forget things ........ but i am capable of forgiving people

49. If you could breed two animals together to defy the laws of nature, what new animal would you create? nope ! i’ve seen movies, i know what horror that can cause

50. What is the most unusual conversation you’ve ever had? one time my sister and i were talking to our aunt, and we could not for the life of us figure out if she was trying to GIVE or SELL us some rabbit fur coats she had ......... it’s been over a decade and we still do not know which it was

51. Are you a good liar? yes

52. How long could you go without talking? several million years

53. What has been you worst haircut/style? sorry my hair is indestructible and because of the natural texture it looks great no matter what. i’m blessed and i know it.

54. Have you ever baked your own cake? what kind of person doesn’t bake their own cake ????? rich people i guess

55. Can you do any accents other than your own? yes ! but not very well

56. What do you like on your toast? butter, and occasionally cinnamon sugar

57. What is the last thing you drew a picture of? some cool clouds

58. What would be you dream car? a honda prelude with the pop-up lights

59. Do you sing in the shower? Or do anything unusual in the shower? Explain. i do sing in the shower sometimes, but not loudly

60. Do you believe in aliens? absolutely

61. Do you often read your horoscope? almost every day, but i do my full birth-chart horoscope so that it’s accurate, and not like horoscopes from the newspaper

62. What is your favorite letter of the alphabet? n

63. Which is cooler: dinosaurs or dragons? i mean are they not the same thing. tell me a dinosaur and a dragon are not basically the same things.

64. What do you think about babies? yeah they’re alright. i never want to be in charge of one but i’m alright with them

65. Freebie! Ask anything interesting you can think of. i guess the most interesting thing i can think to ask myself is which tarot decks i have, and i will tell you. i have the prisma visions tarot (which is amazing), and also the shadowscapes deck (beautiful!), and also a deck of runes that i made myself with a sharpie on a pack of pepsi branded playing cards

#about mai #i guess this used up like thirty minutes of my time

2 notes · View notes

potions-and-potters · 6 years

Note

The tags on your newest snack post were wild. What a roller coaster of emotions. Any chance we get to hear the story involving mashed potatoes and a bed that was not even yours? I'm intrigued. ~Sleepy Anon

Lol

It’s a long story and is probs less funny than is awful. Here is shorter version:

When I was in middle school we had this trip. It was just a long weekend, but it was a traditional trip. Everyone who went to my school district knew about it. It was legendary. It was to this camp. No idea where. Basically, we packed our bags and went off to learn about nature, recycling, sharing, waste, etc. We weren’t allowed technology and we’d be sleeping in cabins (separated boys and girls)

Here is the thing to know about me when I was this age:

I had one best friend, who was also my only friend, and wasn’t going on the trip at the same time as me. It was a big school, so certain wings of the school would go one week and the other the next and we weren’t in the same wing.

I was bullied a lot. Badly. Like Severus ain’t got nothing on me, son.

I was very very very self-conscious and had hella bad untreated anxiety and depression.

I learnt from experience that telling teachers about bullying did jack shit to help it, but did make it 500000000000 x worse.

I was really looking forward to this trip, but was fucking terrified of being humiliated by the others students.

I was terrified of getting in trouble because I had brought my phone with me even though we were forbidden to do so. My parents had forced me to take it in case, and also I felt safer with it knowing my mom was a phone call away.

I had a huge fear of teachers and getting in trouble. No idea what I thought they’d do. But I was always good.

So, after driving for, what to my 11-year-old self, felt like forever and being left alone or bullied the entire way, we finally arrived. Here is why it was awful and traumatic:

I had to sleep in a bunk bed with the other girls in my classes that made their entire lives about making mine utter hell. Like I cried myself to sleep every night and begged my mom every morning not to send me to school or transfer me to another one or send me to boarding school in Switzerland (another story).

I put NOTHING past these girls. They were 11-year-old MONSTERS. They didn’t want to just see me crying. They wanted to break me. They wanted me to utterly and completely break down. They wanted blood. When I say these were the worst years of my life, I mean it. Honestly, I’m genuinely surprised I can share this story because due to those monsters and the psychological survival mechanism of repression, I don’t remember much of these years. At all.

So, just having to be there was awful. I couldn’t sleep. Not just because those assholes talked and giggled all damn night, but because I was scared of letting my guard down. I also had to make my bed and I had a stuffed animal (not the usual one I slept with because NO WAY would I risk bringing it there with them). I tried hiding it all the time. Like a freaking spy mission so they wouldn’t see it.

There was one girl that wasn’t absolutely horrid to me. She used me and I knew it but at that point, someone who openly used me but would be decent to me was better than nothing. None of them were her friend either, so she basically “let” me hang out with her so she had company. She also made me make her bed. Like verge of tears and whining until I did it. To make sure the others didn’t pick up on it and use it against me (also didn’t want them to start targeting her because what asshole is okay with someone else being bullied?), I did it. Too bad right after I got made fun of like hell by the others.

I was terrified of going to the bathroom. I was scared they’d like somehow open the door or somehow figure out how to make fun of me for peeing like a normal damn person. They had also all snuck their phones in, so I was also absolutely terrified they’d stand on the toilet and take a photo of me sitting there trying to pee in peace and then pass it around the school.

Then there was showering. Oh my god. Me being naked at ANY POINT IN TIME with them there? The showers were already a little too cabin-y for me anyway, as in there was like a shower head and a door that wasn’t exactly completely concealed. And I had to shower there. Where they might peek to laugh at me for whatever reason. Maybe even just to laugh to make me think they were laughing at something about me. They were cruel and manipulative. I wouldn’t have put it past them. So yeah. Terrified. Also, showers were timed. 5 minutes MAX. Any longer and the water turned ice old and then off.

I came out one night and they were all acting… well they were ignoring me. I had walked out the bathroom from brushing my teeth and it had been a whole half hour at least that they’d said anything to me… and they ignored me? I immediately went to my bed. My stuffed animal was gone. I asked for it. They laughed. I told them it wasn’t funny. That I wanted it back. Please. Stop. It isn’t funny. Just give it back and leave me alone. Please. They laughed. I checked every bunk. They stuffed it under the mattress of the last top bunk in the very very back. Then bullied me for being upset.

This was like nightly.

The days were boring and spent alone. Writing in notebooks. Listening to teachers. Dealing with bullying. The usual except we walked through the woods.

Meals were absolutely horrific. This is the waste part. It was basically child abuse. I mean even as a kid I knew it was wrong, but the older I get the more angry I get that it happened. My parents, when I told them when I returned, were FURIOUS and said it was a good thing it didn’t happen to me (it did).

There was a competition. Because the camp was to teach us about nature and waste, we were to have no leftovers. That meant you only took what you could eat. Nothing more. The table with the least leftovers won. In the middle of the table was a tube thing with measuring lines where you dumped the leftovers. The thing is, you also didn’t get to eat anything other than your 3 meals a day. No snacks. After spending the ENTIRE day (from like dawn to dusk) running around outside and doing stuff, you’re STARVING. Everyone is. And super cold because it was freaking late Autumn and wet as fuck so we all sat on wet leaves if we sat at all so you just want to fill yourself with hot food at the end of the day. But you can’t take more than you can eat. This sucked for me because I was so scared of getting in trouble for wasting food, but so hungry, but couldn’t get small amount then more if I wanted to because I was scared of getting bullied for it. So I went hungry.

This girl that was sat at my table though. She didn’t think about it one night. She was hungry. So she put food on her plate and she ate. Then, the end of the meal was coming up. Each table had one of the people from the camp thing sitting there to teach us more facts. She saw that this girl had food on her plate. She wasn’t happy and wasn’t about to lose. The girl said she was full and couldn’t eat anymore. She said she was sorry we wouldn’t win. All the kids said it was okay because hey we get it. Also, it’s just a competion. And one night. Don’t force yourself.

The camp lady didn’t agree. She forced the girl to eat it. The girl tried. She really did. But she couldn’t. Nobody was allowed to help her. The lady forced her to mash her muffin, mash potatoes, some kind of meat I can’t remember, eggs, and some kind of dessert together into a disgusting thick mixture. Then, she forced her to spoon it in her mouth and swallow. Spoonful by spoonful until it was gone. The girl was crying at the end. Ready to vomit. We all watched on in horror.

We didn’t even win.

After four days of this, we came home. I was exhausted, starving, gross, and upset. The ONLY thing I wanted was to shower, eat something, and sleep. But no. With the WORST TIMING EVER this family that my family was friends with came over as well as our neighbors. It was like a little party. Worse, my mom was babysitting this four year old kid that I swear at times turned into an actual demon child. Well, already at the breaking point, this kid pushed. Hard. And I cracked. Bad. I ended up screaming at her to behave and basically stop being a bitch (but nicer) as she hid in the corner glaring at me, in front of everyone. It was… not a good look.

So yeah. All that added up to condition me to see waste= BAD NO DO NOT DO NO NO BAD SO VERY BAD

Middle school sucked.

#me #about me #story time #i sound pathetic #i know #but that shit fucks you up #oh wait IT WAS OREOS SHE HAD FOR DESSERT #oh maybe that's why i don't like them #like #subconsciously you know #huh #wasting food and traumatic memories #fucking child abuse

4 notes · View notes

kennadavenportgayle · 7 years

Text

Story time: Worst date ever

Lmao okay I just went on a double date with my friend (I didn’t wanna go but she didn’t wanna go alone on this date so I was like fine I’ll go)

Anyway here is my story please enjoy

So my friend (we’ll call her D) asked me like a few weeks ago if I wanted to go see a movie with her as a double date. I didn’t really want to but she really liked this guy so I was like okay fine it won’t be that bad. So she asks her date (We’ll call him C) if he knows anyone else who would want to go and he’s like “oh yeah my frat bro, A, could come”

So we’re like okay cool. The boys are like “We’re gonna go see the movie IT” and I love horror movie I think they’re so funny and so great and I used to fall asleep to horror movies at night (yes I know I’m insane)

So I went to this party with D and it was a frat party at A and C’s frat house and we had been there before cuz we know the frat guys there. C is like “Hey Emma, this is A” and I’m like “Okay hi” and I was already in a bad mood from just like nothing (like you know when you get in those bad moods and it’s from nothing but you hate everything? That was me) so we like talk for like 5 seconds and I go sit down on the couch.

I should point out at this frat (and a few other frats) I’m considered “the hot one” out of my friend group. Why? Idk. So everyone in this house is like “omg she’s so hot like wtf A how did you score that” and I’m sitting on my ass like giving people a death stare cuz I was in a bad mood.

Throughout the night A came up and introduced himself like 20 times and every time I said “yeah I know who you are” and he was like “no you don’t” like yes bitch I do. So I start ignoring him, I know I’m a bitch but oh well.

I left early that night cuz I wasn’t feeling it and A goes to my friend D and is like “omg she hates me wtf” and C is like “hell yeah dude she hates you” but A makes it his MISSION to get me to like him, and he tells D this and D is like “nah she wants to stay single, she’s only going on this date for me and cuz she wants to see the movie, sorry bruh” and he’s like “after the movie she’s gonna want to date me” and all of these things.

So the night comes and I just decide not to try to give him any ideas cuz I’m really not interested. He meets D and I near our dorms and he tries to give me a hug and I tell him I don’t like hugs which is a lie but I didn’t wanna give him the wrong idea. So C comes and we get in an uber and head to the movies and I’m PUMPED cuz again I love horror movies. So we get in line and C makes a comment about how he thought I was tall cuz I’m pretty sure I was wearing heels the first time I met him so we’re like laughing at the fact that everyone in this frat thinks I’m tall cuz I’m really not.

Then A goes “I thought you were black the first time I met you”

LIKE WHAT?

And D and I are trying not to die laughing and I was like “wait what?”

And he goes “yeah I thought you were light skinned-black or something”

And this is funny cuz I’m the whitest fucking bitch EVER so like to have this guy think that is WILD

So we buy our tickets and go in and we sit down and we’re like watching the previews and he keeps talking and I’m like okay whatever it’s the previews it’s fine. So the movie starts and he’s still trying to talk to me so I figured if I just didn’t respond he would stop. No. He doesn’t.

The scene with the storage drain and the kid comes up and Georgie is like reaching for his boat from Pennywise and A is like SCREAMING and he’s like “don’t do it Georgie! What the fuck?!” and all this shit and I’m like omg stop.

So then he starts telling me all of these predictions he has and he’s like spoiling the movie and I HATE spoilers so I’m PISSED. THEN there’s a bunch of jumpscares and EVERY SINGLE TIME there’s a jumpscare (even if it’s a predictable jumpscare and no one is freaked out by it) he legit SCREAMS and like JUMPS towards me and is trying to get me to comfort him and I’m like “bitch stop it isn’t even that scary” and the only time I got scared is when he is screaming in my ear. Well, I’m also a fighter when I’m scared (you know like the fight/flight/freeze thing? I’m a fighter so I punch/push people if they scare me or I get scared) and I’m trying SO HARD to make sure I don’t punch him in the face. Instead, i keep shoving him away yet he still does it.

Then whenever he would get a little bit scared he would cover his eyes/ears and ask me what was happening and he would like shove me and be like “Yo Emma what’s happening?!? Tell me what’s happening?!” and i wouldn’t say anything. But he kept doing it so with a straight face I just go “I don’t know.” and don’t even look at him.

He also texted the entire movie like what? And he would snapchat during it like stop please that’s rude??? also kind of illegal?

So this goes on for the entire movie and the movie was over 2 hours long so i was DONE

So the movie ends and D and A are talking about how scary it was and C and I are like “That was amazing” etc.

We get in an uber to go back to our dorms and I sit in the front this time because I am not having it. I’m done with this guy. We get dropped off at the dorms and I’m like going to be polite and hug this guy and thank him for the movie and everything. Well I can’t even say goodbye before this guy literally gets out of the uber and fucking books it down the sidewalk. He doesn’t say goodbye, he doesn’t thank me, he doesn’t make eye contact, nothing. He just like basically runs away.

So C and D are like saying good-bye and like are about to kiss and I’m just awkwardly standing like five feet away just being this fucking third-wheel and it was the worst thing ever. So when C leaves D and I are going back to her dorm to do homework and we just burst out laughing.

So it makes for a good story but now she owes me her LIFE

Lmao okay the end

#story time

2 notes · View notes

melancholiablackbile · 7 years

Text

A lot of questions... my my, someone's curious lol

@black-satin-dancer tagged me, cheers dude :D

Rules: answer all the questions, add one of your own and tag as many people as there are questions …pshh please, let’s keep it realistic - I don’t even know that many people irl. (also didn’t feel obligated to answer the Dragon age/Mars effect questions, because I’ve never played it)

1. coke or pepsi?

Neither. I absolutely hate fizzy sweet drinks lol. The only thing I enjoy is kombucha and I’ve had ginger ale which I can tolerate. (btw did you know there’s something called bacon soda? I just found out and I’m absolutely horrified and disgusted. pls burn this knowledge out of my brain thank)

2. disney or dreamworks?

I don’t have a preference, nor am I overly invested in any of the two, so it depends. By Disney I really like Hocus Pocus, The Nightmare before Christmas and Frankenweenie, to pick a few. As for DreamWorks, Penguins of Madagascar are THE SHIT omg 3. coffee or tea? I’m a tea person, however I enjoy coffee flavour in things

4. books or movies?

Both

5. windows or mac?

I use windows, don’t feel like I’m missing out or anything tbh

6. dc or marvel?

I’m only starting to get into comics, and I’ve probably seen more marvel films than dc ones, but I think I like dc a little more I like the older Batman films by Tim Burton.

7. xbox or playstation?

playstation. “OF COURSE we’re going to go with the ps4 - they’re blacker!” :D

8. dragon age or mass effect?

Haven’t played either, but was thinking about giving Dragon age a go

9. night owl or early riser?

aw shit dude, I don’t even know anymore. my sleeping schedule is so fucked up lately, I tend to be a night owl tho. But hey, time isn’t really anyway, so..

10. cards or chess?

both, but you can do more with cards. like chess is just one game, but there are lots of different card games. I personally identify with CAH, I think the company should hire me, because I’m a horrible person lmao

11. chocolate or vanilla?

chocolate all the way. I don’t eat it often, but when I do, I’m a snob about it - I only like the dark stuff (only vegan ofc). bonus points, if there’s dried fruit like berries in it. To sum it up (i’m taking this way too seriously and detailed lol, but I have insomnia ¯\_(ツ)_/¯) overall, chocolate flavour is better I guess, vanilla makes me vomit, it’s disgusting and I hate it. 12.vans or converse? I used to own a pair of converse, but neither are shoes I’d wear now

13. fluff or angst?

a good combination of both ehehe

14. beach or forest?

forests are awesome - they are green and smell amazing, you can spot a lot of wild animals and the atmosphere is very serene and calming. I’ll always pick forests over beaches, unless the beach is all sand or small round marble stones, the water is clear without the detached, rotting algae stuff that floats around and ew, the sun has fucked off so I don’t get sunburnt (my skin always skips the tan stage right to red and I prefer pale skin anyway) and all sweaty and shit, there are NO people beside those I’m there with and I do NOT spot any animal while in the water that’s bigger than like 5cm. Because even though I love and respect it deeply, I’m genuinely afraid of sea life, I don’t care that there are lots of totally harmless creatures. …lmao, I feel like a rich asshole saying all that - way too many demands. (sorry sea/ocean, I love you, but you freak me the fuck out)

15. dogs or cats?

I have dogs, but I love both. With dogs, the love is more likely to be returned though :D

16. clear skies or rain?

clear night skies for star gazing, rain during the day

17. cooking or eating out?

I eat mostly raw vegan nowadays, because it’s healthy I don’t have the energy to cook and can’t be arsed and I’m not too fond of eating in public so… preparing/eating food at home?

18. spicy food or mild food?

all the spices lol

19. halloween/samhain or solstice/yule/christmas?

How is this a question, have you met me? My whole existence basically revolves around celebrating Halloween like every day

20. would you rather forever be a little too cold or a little too hot?

The first one is way better imho, I’m usually a little too cold anyway (no pun intended omg) and I’m fine with that.

21. if you could have a superpower, what would it be?

Hydrokinesis (so basically I’d be a water bender ehehe) or Telepathy

22. animation or live action?

both are great (with the exception of some anime adaptations lol)

23. baths or showers?

showers don’t take too long, but baths are very nice from time to time

24. team cap or team ironman?

Team Loki, duh! No, but honestly, I’m not really invested in the whole civil war thing, but if cap is a nazi, then I’m team ironman

25. fantasy or sci-fi?

both are amazing and bring happiness into my life

26. do you have three or four favourite quotes, if so, what are they?

I guess I have a lot of favourite ones, but these two came to my mind right now: “I do desire we may be strangers” (Shakespeare) it’s such a classy and eloquent way to tell someone you hate them :D “And so being young and dipped in folly, I fell in love with melancholy” (E.A. Poe) because ME tbh

27. youtube or netflix?

Youtube, no netflix here

28. harry potter or percy jackson?

Harry Potter all the way. I’ve read the first Percy jackson pentalogy and don’t get me wrong, Greek mythology is awesome, but wizards over demigods

29. when do you feel accomplished?

Idk, when I’m able to do more than the bare minimum and when I totally Tony Stark the whole subject/study material the night before the exam. and probably smug/petty rather than accomplished - when I prove horrible people/people I don’t like wrong or do things they don’t approve of lol

30. star wars or star trek?

I have to say Star Trek but I love both

31. paperback or hardback books?

Hardback. HARDBACK!

32. horror or rom-com?

I’ve always gravitated towards horror - psychological, gothic, really bad b/c movie style, etc. - I get bored by rom-coms

33. tv shows or movies?

depends, but both. as an aspiring actor, beside theatre, I think I’d like to work on films over tv shows - if I ever get the chance to do so that is

34. favourite animal?

penguins, rats, corvids.. but like, birds in general and all animals are awesome anyway and precious and worth of life 35. favourite genre of music? alternative rock - which is a broad spectrum tho, so I guess rock sub-genres in general.. art rock, goth rock, punk rock my favourite (purely because of the name) is krautrock (aka kosmische Musik) which is the German term for space rock, but the literal translation is either herb or cabbage rock lmao :D throw in some psychedelic stuff, ambient music, experimental and classical and I’m good to go

36. least favourite book?

Madame Bovary. I think The Great Gatsby was boring too. I don’t usually read books without researching it a bit before so I can somewhat predict whether I’ll like it or not. (btw, if you’re into fantasy at all, 10/10 recommend reading the series A Raven’s Shadow by Anthony Ryan, he’s such an eloquent writer and the plot and characters are incredible! 37. favourite season? The season of Halloween - autumn all the way

38. song that’s currently stuck in your head?

Cinnamon Bone by Eliza Rickman. She has a really nice voice and combined with the melody it sounds very unique. Actually didn’t know who the singer was until a few days ago. She also performed in the weather section in a Welcome to Night Vale episode. Oh and I rewatched CATS the musical on Sunday, so like.. the whole libretto is playing in my head on loop :D I’ve pretty much known the entire thing by heart since I was like 8 lol

39. what kind of pyjamas do you wear?

Either boxer shorts or Levi Ackerman’s running titan pyjamas lmao

40. how many existential crises do you have on an average day?

I’m having an ongoing one since the age of 16 tbh

41. if you can only choose one song to be played at your funeral, what would it be?

Space Oddity by David Bowie

42. favourite theme song to a TV show?

I’ve know this song before I started watching the show, but Far from Any Road from True Detective is amazing. And the opening to snk season 2 lol, it gets me all fired up and ready to salivate every time Levi appears cry probably idk :D

43. harry potter movies or books?

even though, they are problematic in some aspects, both have their charm (pun absolutely intended this time)

44. you can make your OTP become canon but you’ll forget that tumblr exists. will you do it?

Bitch, my otp is canon. and I doubt anyone can really forget about tumblr - you can try and leave, but it will never leave you

45. do you play an instrument and if so, what is it?

Not like professionally or since early childhood and all that, but I taught myself how to play the violin and I think I’m pretty decent. Same goes for drums. My dad and I low-key collect musical instruments, I think we have around 20+ pieces ^^

46. what is the worst way to die?

alone and helpless and in excruciating pain from whatever the cause was that didn’t kill you immediately though, so you have to suffer

47. if you could be entirely invisible for a day, what would you do?

Be sneaky ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) lol idk, I’d do stuff anxiety and self-consciousness prevent me from in normal life. Okay, that is so pathetic, but my first thought was “I’d go swimming” … *wipes away a tear*

48. If you could have personally witnessed anything in history what would it be?

I feel like it’s kinda selfish and considering I’d choose this out of any moment in history maybe a wasted opportunity? but I would have loved to see David Bowie perform. Idk, I’m sure there’s more, but it’s 3am here..

49. If you could understand animals but you could never understand humans again, would you?

I find I often don’t understand humans anyway..

50. What is your most favourite album currently?

The Rise and Fall of Ziggy Stardust and the Spiders From Mars by David Bowie is my go to favourite album, haven’t really listened to whole albums lately, just a few songs here and there 51. (my question) What is your favourite word/phrase/colloquiallism? Name one (or more) per language you speak c:

tbh, Jeremy tagged most of the people I’d tag too, so I’m just adding @the-river-dream-shore and @slecnaztemnot to this if they or anyone else feel like it ;) I’m going to sleep now hopefully~

Note: Wow, that’s a lot of reading material lol. Why did I sound so angry?? I was tired, so that took a toll on my answers, I promise I’m not that much of an asshole :D

#tag game #questions #personal

4 notes · View notes

wellmeaningshutin · 7 years

Text

Short Story #57: Theatre.

Written: 3/5/2017

Look, before I start telling you about what happened, I’m going to be very honest. I do not understand theater at all. I just don’t get the appeal of it, but it always seems like there’s something I’m missing out on, because everybody keeps making a fuss about it, so I’ve tried very hard to understand the appeal. Maybe its just hard for me to suspend my disbelief, so every time I see a play, reenactment, or whatever, I just see a bunch of actors in costumes saying words that they’ve memorized, and the whole thing is just so alien to me. Maybe I don’t understand why people would spend so much time trying to memorize movements, words, etc, like you have so much time in your life to do what you want to do, but these people spend most of their time trying to perfect like an hours worth of events, repeating them over and over. Its like they’re stuck in some strange time loop, where they’re cursed to keep repeating the same events in their lives, screaming inside at the horror of their cyclic existence. What kind of person would you have to be to do that, what had to go wrong in your life? I could be wrong about that being the reason, because, now that I think of it, I don’t care very much for improv either, so maybe I just hate people, but if I hated people then why would I care about their interest in theater?

Maybe I don’t understand people, especially since I can’t even form a clear reason for not liking theater. Maybe I just haven’t seen a play that has been good enough to spark my attention, especially since Shakespeare reminds me of being bored in high school, and most of the shows that I’ve been to have been reproductions of his work. Also, how come there always has to be a scheming, drunk character in his shows? What’s up with that? And how come people just walk around, saying their thoughts out loud, explaining stuff to the audience that they should be thinking to themselves. Yeesh, I can go on about this for a while, so let me just talk about what I meant to talk about. Sorry for wasting your time, officer.

So, because of this desire to understand this questionable form of performance, I started seeking out more and more forms that diverge from the normal expectations. Wow, that sounded pretentious. What I was trying to say, is I wanted more obscure and experimental stuff, I wanted to see what it was like with the more underground theater. Its the same way I got into books, because what I learned in college is even though people will talk their heads off of the importance of them, the classics can be boring as hell. Have you ever read the Inferno? Its just a guy walking around in the dullest version of hell, talking about all sorts of figures at the time. Like, its basically just fan fiction. However, I did find this not very well known book about a dog who knows the true meaning of life, but like it can’t tell anyone, not even other dogs, since evolution has only left it with the resources to communicate vague emotions. That book made me realize that I love reading, but I just hate the classics, the shit that everyone is supposed to agree is good. However I’m rambling again, and I need to get back to the point.

I think it may be a side effect of these anti depressants that I’m on, mainly since after my father killed himself life has seemed, right, thank you. Actually if you could keep doing that it would be great, reminding me whenever I’m getting off track, and going on and on about stuff that won’t make it on to the report. Because I know your time is very valuable, and this should be as quick as poss- oh, right, thank you again.

So, I end up going to that show, it took place in some large house, and it was one of those shows where the actors go about their business and you follow them from room to room, watching the drama as it unfolds. It was supposed to be the opening night, and some girl, with plenty of facial piercings, had told me that it was going to be really great, like a modern masterpiece, and I figured why not? Thinking about it, I’m not sure if she had reliable opinions on theater, and I could’ve just been attracted to-oh, okay, sorry.

The show was about some family drama stuff, like the typical things that people feel are so raw to talk about, so off limits, but really its the same things that everyone mentions when they want to feel like they’re covering taboo issues. So basically, some couple is fighting because the girl had an abortion, there’s a character that’s addicted to heroin, one of their dad’s turns out to be gay and its a big shock, that kind of stuff. I didn’t know it at the time, but that was actually supposed to be the point of it all, it was supposed to be like one of those typical dramas, but then again I’ve only seen one or two of those dramas, so who am I to say what they’re all like? A lot of them can be pretty good, probably, and how would I never know it if I haven’t seen it?

Don’t worry, I’m starting to catch myself. I can tell when I’m drifting away. Actually, could you write “THE PLAY” on a piece of paper and put it in front of me? If I could stare at that, it may be enough to keep me on track, enough to keep me focused on the issue at hand.

Thank you, this is perfect.

So, the play keeps going on and it gets pretty boring, like I can tell the other spectators know where this is all going, and the acting is melodramatic, so its hard to even connect with any of the characters. I know I have trouble doing that in general, but I was whispering with another spectator and that’s what they told me, and they seemed like they were able to appreciate the art. At one point, the heroin addict is giving this long monologue, and then the gay dad has to reply and its really confusing, like it didn’t make any sense as a response to the speech that was just given. Then, everyone realizes that, hey, the guy just skipped a couple lines, and it looks really, really bad. Unprofessional would be the best word to describe it. And you can see that the actors are pissed off at the actor playing the dad, and they’re trying to stay in character but oh man does it seem tough for them. Gay dad is trying to improvise an explanation, but its really just pretty pathetic, his embarrassment really didn’t help him, and that’s when the heroin guy broke character and tried to attack him.

The addict chased the dad around the house, threatening to kill him for ruining the show, but for some reason I’m completely out of it, and still kind of confused about what’s going on. That’s how I realized it might be part of the show, and I was whispering with some guy, he had a mustache I think, and we were trying to figure out if we should leave, intervene, keep watching, or what. It was really pretty confusing, especially when the other actors looked scared, but then they tried to keep going with the show to calm everyone down, and so the daughter is giving a monologue to her husband, who is addicted to online pornography, about something, I couldn’t even hear it, all I could hear was one of the actors screaming, “I’ll kill you you son of a bitch! This was supposed to be my big break you rat bastard!”

As somebody who doesn’t understand theater, I can tell you that the show was really not helping with that. What was the point of all of this, these actors pretending that their show was falling apart, like if I wanted to see a bad show, wouldn’t I go see a bad show? There was a rock opera about Anne Frank opening on the same night, and I was figuring that I might as well have gone to that. Yet, maybe its just me. My ex wife could have been right, maybe its just hard for me to see meaning in anything, but then again that was only because she was trying to get me to join that new age cult of hers. She wants to follow some guru to some walled off compound where she can survive off of roots, do intensive farm work, all to harness positive energy, but I’m the bad guy, right? I’m the one who is broken because I don’t want to join some wacko cult. And then she has the gall to bring my dead father into it, and tries to get custody of-

Oh yeah, sorry about that. It was my fault. No, no, the paper really is working, but I looked up at the clock to check the time, and then I forgot about the play, but I’ll get back to that now. Again, I’m sorry about that.

So, the actors are still trying to continue the story, and the one guy is chasing the other around, and then finally the frantic pair starting yelling in weird ways, so most of us decided to go check out what was happening, because we couldn’t even hear the other people. Seeing that actor get stabbed to death, and all that blood that spilled out everywhere, that was when everybody started to wonder if it was a part of the play or not. I think some guy fainted, he was build like a pickup truck, but he must have been afraid of blood or something, because down he went. It was like somebody chopped a tree down. Even the other actors came in and freaked out, and the murderer is standing there, knife in hand, covered in blood, trying to tell everyone that its okay, and not to worry.

Somebody, I think, called the police around this point in the show, I think that’s the reason the call went out in the first place. I’m only guessing it was here, because some crying woman had went out the front door, and it would make sense if she was the one who dialed 911. She missed the best part, though, because the only time I had a laugh when I’ve been to a show, was when that wild eyed, blood soaked, knife wielding man, with the body at his feet, started to try to get back in character and tried to continue their show. The other actors weren’t having it, and they just had their hands over their mouths, too shocked to even respond to the situation. And the guy starts yelling at them to say their lines, but the don’t even move, so he starts trying to do their parts for them, even the parts of the guy he murdered, and it was great.

A lot of people judged me for laughing, they thought it was real and were just starting to react. Hell, one guy questioned if he should try to restrain the one man show, but somebody else pointed out that he was armed, and who knew if there were any diseases in the blood he was covered in, so most people went into the living room to figure things out, even the other actors did. I know that the actors mentioned something about calling the cops, but that was also part of the show, but I’ll get into that later. Meanwhile, me and this older woman, like in her 60’s, an aged hippy type, are the only ones watching the guy’s performance, and we’re just cracking up at it. He starts to forget the other people’s lines, and the woman explained to me that it was probably because it wouldn’t make sense for the actor to remember every line, since they mainly just knew their own, and the ones that they were supposed to respond or react to.

So, while he’s messing up these lines, he starts to pretend to get mad at himself, and he does this comical routine where he starts slapping himself on the forehead, insulting himself with these asinine names, and you can see the actor who is playing dead trying not to laugh. Like, his body is shaking and everything because the other guy is just being so ridiculous, but the whole time all of the other spectators are taking the whole thing very, very seriously. In order to not get the dead body to explode into laughter, which I’m not sure if this was a part of the show or not, the madman starts shifting gears and recites some scenes from some Shakespeare play, putting on a deep voice, using all of these exaggerated movements, and it just killed me.

And then the police came in, but I think it was the fake police at this point. They started talking about how they received a call about a murder, that whole routine, and all of the audience members are freaking out, saying stuff like “Yeah he’s in there, go get him” “Please do something about it” and all of that panicked behavior. I probably don’t have to explain it to you, huh? You look like you’ve seen your fair share of trouble, you look pretty tough and seasoned. I know you probably get this all of the time, but I really have to ask, have you ever shot anybody? No? Really? Huh. It seems like cops have to kill people every day, every day it sounds like there’s some big violent crime out there that you guys have to deal with, or there’s some incident where you guys shoot somebody that was minding their own business, but-

What? What do you mean that you mostly just talk to people? Taking statements, filling out paperwork? No, that can’t be right, what about the high speed chases, the junkies who threaten your lives every day and- no shit? Are you messing with me? So, really, you really spend more time giving people tickets and directions than you’ve ever spent in a dangerous situation. Well what was the most dangerous- oh okay, I’ll get back to the story then..

So, the fake cops come into the kitchen to see the whole commotion, and the blood soaked guy is down on one knee, saying “Out, out brief candle. My whole country for a candle, doth it be so-” or something along those lines, I can’t remember it word for word. They take a look at the scene, like a long, real hard look, and they turn to the crowd behind them and demand to know who made the call. The guy is still doing the bit during all of this. A woman in the back raised her hand, which confused everyone, but I think that was because she was the one who actually dialed 911. And one of the actors raises their hand, and one of the fake cops starts lecturing them about how much of a nuisance it is to make fake calls to 911, and how you could go to prison for it, and the actor is looking really worried.

Then, one of the cops pulls out their fake gun, and puts it right against the temple of the actor who was supposed to call. He says, “Does this seem like a joke to you? This is how it feels when you make prank calls, not to funny is it? What if I killed you, would you think that was funny? Huh?” The audience started to freak out at that point, and everyone started yelling, cell phones were pulled out to record it, and I was lost once again. I couldn’t hear what the murderer was saying, due to all of the commotion, and this whole new layer seemed to have lost me. And then things got more confusing when more fake police showed up, but this time it turned out to just be you guys. That’s kind of the gist of everything that lead up to your arrival.

Is that all?

Oh yeah, the reason why I’m in the hospital in the first place. Well, if you knew the general theme of everything leading up to you guys getting called, why did you let me ramble on about the play? I can start to believe that your jobs really aren’t that interesting, if you let me talk about all of that thespian nonsense juts so you can put more time between now and when you have to write up all of that paperwork. I had a cousin who used to work for the IRS, and his job doesn’t seem too far off from what you guys do, like the main difference is you guys get to go outside and carry guns. I never understood why they never gave IRS agents guns, though, because they always get all sorts of threats, and you think they would need some way to protect themselves when they were out in the world, but then again the suicide rate would probably sky rocket due to the tedium of the job. That’s why I think my father did it, like he was so sick of his job, but they made it so that he would have to work five more years if he wanted a decent retirement fund, and he just couldn’t last that long. How’d he do it? Oh, well he was a simple man, and he just leaped right in front of a train, it was the most exciting way he could think of dying, he wrote that in the note, but it was too good of a jump and both of his legs were torn clean off, so he sat there at the side of the, the..

No, no I don’t need a tissue, I’m fine. Lets just talk about something else. Like, I get that we’re nearing the end of what you need for the report, and you really don’t want to write it, but I think its time for me to finish. My antidepressants are wearing off, and so is the pain medication, and I’d really just like to rest as soon as I can. No, the doctors aren’t aware that I’m taking-but no more stuff to get me all sidetracked. What happened to the officer who kept trying to get me all focused on the story, now why are you suddenly causing me to be distracted?

Okay, so when you guys came in and were confused by the scene playing out, with the fake cops and all, it really just got too confusing for me, so I decided to step outside and smoke a cigarette, just to wait it out until there was a point in the show that would make more sense, but after I was finished smoking I probably would’ve just left. However, and this is the reason I’m lying here, some crack head comes up to me and starts demanding that I give him some money, or he’s going to have to do something that he really doesn’t want to do. I start fishing around in my pockets to comply, but he says I’m taking too long and just starts jabbing at me with something that was really sharp, I think it was like a screwdriver or something, and it was hard for me to react to it because my hands were in my back pockets.

So, the fucker doesn’t even try to get my money, because somebody starts to come out of the house, and he just scurries off into the night, leaving me to bleed out for no reason. He was about five foot four, had a round, swollen nose, Caucasian, shaved head, scar on the right side of his lip, that’s all I can remember. Now, what you should put in that report is that the convoluted play created a dangerous environment for me, because not only was it in a bad neighborhood, but because of the whole way it was set up, the people who came out and saw me just thought it was still a part of the whole show. So I’m lying there, full of holes, bleeding out all over the plays, begging for them to call an ambulance, begging for them to get the police that are inside, to get the man who stabbed me, and the whole time they just watch and talk about how crazy the show is, and how many levels there are, while I’m grabbing at their feet, crying because they won’t listen to me, and I really thought I was going to die. It really seemed like the end.

#Free Write #Short Story #Writers on Tumblr #Theatre #Acting

1 note · View note