#like snow on hungry graves
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Badly Summarised WIP Poll
Thanks for tagging me, @autumnalwalker! :D
Rules: Pick a bunch of your WIPs and summarize them as badly as possible, then ask your followers to vote on which one they'd be most likely to read. Multiple/all/none options are completely optional.
Tagging @sam-glade, @sarandipitywrites, @akindofmagictoo, @oh-no-another-idea, and anyone else who wants to do this! :D Also tagging @blind-the-winds, who started this tag game chain and asked to be tagged by others who do it.
#tag game#polls#my polls#writing#my WIPs#in order these WIPs are:#the power and the glory#totentanz#like snow on hungry graves#the circle of little animals#the unfortunate moth#uneasy money#silver glass#death waits for some men
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"Persephone Writes a Letter to Her Mother", by A.E. Stallings
First – hell is not so far underground –
My hair gets tangled in the roots of trees
& I can just make out the crunch of footsteps,
The pop of acorns falling, or the chime
Of a shovel squaring a fresh grave or turning
Up the tulip bulbs for separation.
Day & night, creatures with no legs
Or too many, journey to hell and back.
Alas, the burrowing animals have dim eyesight.
They are useless for news of the upper world.
They say the light is “loud” (their figures of speech
All come from sound; their hearing is acute).
The dead are just as dull as you would imagine.
They evolve like the burrowing animals – losing their sight.
They may roam abroad sometimes – but just at night –
They can only tell me if there was a moon.
Again and again, moth-like, they are duped
By any beckoning flame – lamps and candles.
They come back startled & singed, sucking their fingers,
Happy the dirt is cool and dense and blind.
They are silly & grateful and don’t remember anything.
I have tried to tell them stories, but they cannot attend.
They pester you like children for the wrong details –
How long were his fingernails? Did she wear shoes?
How much did they eat for breakfast? What is snow?
And then they pay no attention to the answers.
My husband, bored with their babbling, neither listens nor speaks.
But here there is no fodder for small talk.
The weather is always the same. Nothing happens.
(Though at times I feel the trees, rocking in place
Like grief, clenching the dirt with torturous toes.)
There is nothing to eat here but raw beets & turnips.
There is nothing to drink but mud-filtered rain.
Of course, no one goes hungry or toils, however many –
(The dead breed like the bulbs of daffodils –
Without sex or seed – all underground –
Yet no race has such increase. Worse than insects!)
I miss you and think about you often.
Please send flowers. I am forgetting them.
If I yank them down by the roots, they lose their petals
And smell of compost. Though I try to describe
Their color and fragrance, no one here believes me.
They think they are the same thing as mushrooms.
Yet no dog is so loyal as the dead,
Who have no wives or children and no lives,
No motives, secret or bare, to disobey.
Plus, my husband is a kind, kind master;
He asks nothing of us, nothing at all –
Thus fall changes to winter, winter to fall,
While we learn idleness, a difficult lesson.
He does not fully understand why I write letters.
He says that you will never get them. True –
Mulched-leaf paper sticks together, then rots;
No ink but blood, and it turns brown like the leaves.
He found my stash of letters, for I had hid it,
Thinking he’d be angry. But he never angers.
He took my hands in his hands, my shredded fingers
Which I have sliced for ink, thin paper cuts.
My effort is futile, he says, and doesn’t forbid it.
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It is nights like these that make Coriolanus ponder the 'what ifs?' the most; it is nights like these that bring Lucy Gray back to his mind, even after all this time. Even if she's unwelcome.
If he was a better man, a little less power-hungry and a little more altruistic, he would have missed all of this. He never would have found you - a deer so susceptible to the wolf's skilful machinations. So impressionable, so devoted... And what gamesmanship it truly is to make the prey believe there's some grace in being eaten alive.
He's leaning against the doorframe leading to the nursery - awake, although you have told him to go back to sleep when your newborn daughter woke her parents up. Coriolanus is watching the scene unfold from afar, never letting even the smallest of details escape his attention. He wishes to gloat, to bathe in his own triumph.
Your face, which once smiled so brightly only for him, now smiles for another. What's strange, is that it doesn't make Coriolanus as angry or bitter as it usually would. That territorial beast residing deep in his viscera is wary but not bothered. Not yet, at least.
The baby's cries die down as you cradle her in your arms. In gentle, almost fearful, movements, you rock the newborn. Coriolanus sees your lips move but the whisper is too low for him to discern any words. Whatever it is you say to the youngest Snow, it makes her giggle and babble. The sound reminds him of your own laughter, which he so easily elicits with the smallest gestures of affection. Maybe too easily - although just as exciting, it was never a challenge.
You gently lay the baby back down in her cot. For a moment, you study her face with an expression so loving it's almost pathetic. Coriolanus feels his skin crawl. Something animalistic within him beckons the man to do truly terrible things only to ensure that it's him and him only that you look at with such adoration.
But the urge dies down when you turn away from the newborn and meet his gaze across the room. He's back in the centre of your attention, where he belongs. Suddenly, something changes in your eyes.
That glint of devotion is clouded by something much more mischievous, something he used to absolutely hate until he learned about its nature. Since he met you, you've been looking at him with a hint of insightfulness as though you could see right through his facade and read about his sins on the pages of the open book that was his soul. He felt seen and not in a good way. Then, after learning a few things about you, Coriolanus realized that this perceptiveness is the best thing he could hope for - you were smart enough to connect the dots, to notice patterns not many deemed obvious and yet, too blindsided by love, you thought of his wrongdoings as right. Not in the ethical sense, perhaps, but in logic. There was a method to his madness and a very effective one at that. After all, how utterly foolish would it be to play nice while in The Capitol? In a world of "eat or be eaten", Coriolanus was going to throw a feast. You knew it early on and appreciated the wit and grit it takes to do so.
Standing now in front of him, you slightly lift one of your eyebrows, silently asking him what's on his mind.
"You're beautiful," he confesses.
Your lips curve into a smile. "Tell me something I don't know."
His blue eyes bore into yours. The intensity of his gaze makes you want to look away but prohibits you from doing so at the same time. "I'd burn the whole world for you," he whispers, his tone gravely serious.
Coriolanus feels himself shudder when the back of your hand gently brushes his cheek. Still looking at you, he tilts his head to kiss your fingers.
"I said 'something I don't know', love," you retort in an equally low voice. "Now come, the morning is still far away."
You take his hand in yours, pulling him back towards your bedroom. And, for some strange reason, he lets you guide him.
If he was a better man, he would lead a different life. A more peaceful one, perhaps. But he's not a better man - in fact, he's far from being considered "good" or even "decent". Which is why his life is pleasant, instead of peaceful. And if awful things have brought him so much joy, why, pray tell, should he ever be anything but despicable?
_____
Me? Writing dark characters with dark themes? In other news, the water is wet.
#tbosas#thg series#coriolanus snow x reader#coriolanus snow x you#coriolanus snow imagine#coriolanus x reader#coriolanus x you#coriolanus snow fanfiction#coriolanus snow#coriolanus#coriolanus snow fanfic#coryo#coryo snow#coryo x reader
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based on this .. hehehehehehehehehe also corio is very joe goldberg in this one. (dedicated to my baby 🤍. @casualhedonists)
coriolanus snow had many a screw loose, and you were not oblivious to that fact.
the thing about power-hungry psychopaths, is they are aware that their greed will never be fulfilled if they reveal their true intentions at the jump. coriolanus snow was dangerously good at playing the game, and he was not used to losing. you had almost let it go over your head, the red-like-blood hued flags, but something inside you had signaled, more like alarmingly blared, that something was very, very wrong with the boy you thought loved you.
and so, on a storming and unbecoming night, you packed up your whole life, leaving behind your people and all that was familiar, and you moved to district 4 and set up residence on the beach. you’d met a man, a gentle, caring, fisherman. no, he could not afford to buy you diamonds, but he could string organic pearls on a chain and that was enough. you ate all the fish your heart could ever desire and you let the sun kiss your once pale skin; which was due to the constant cover of clouds and gloomy mist in the capitol. you were content with your little life, truly, up until you received word your mother was sick and needed her next of kin to help her sort the affairs that would allow her to move peacefully onto the afterlife that awaited her.
the trip was short, but every second of it was spent with a worry for your mother gnawing at your heart, and apprehension to see a certain white-as-snow haired boy. you’d brushed off all thoughts, and figured since the capitol was a big city, the chances of you seeing him were slim—especially considering you’d seen in the newspaper that he was making a name for himself in the political world of panem. he most likely was much to busy to care or even become aware of your returning.
you were wrong. the second you stepped through the gates of panem’s state of the capitol, you felt eyes on you. even after checking over your shoulders and finding nothing but stone architecture on display all over the city, the uneasiness of it all still twisted your gut.
nonetheless, you spent your time in the city of lights and glamour as intended, caring for your mother until she succumbed to a painless, peaceful, death. you saw to the funeral details with a heavy heart, and it was there you felt your heart drop to your toes. the man you’d spent so many years away from, standing in all his haughty glory. his ultramarine, icy, eyes containing nothing but a crazed longing within them. he’d stood across the cemetery in a long, black, fleece, trenchcoat. his hair was no longer a mess of ruddy, gold, curls, but now a styled as a contained, important, slick back—hauntingly, he resembled a ghost, and in a way, he was. a ghost of your past, the scariest one. his eyes glued onto yours as the pastor spoke a few words in honor of your late mother, and you had to swallow your fear for what would follow after the ceremony.
the second the final ‘amen’ left father glenndon’s lips, you turned on your heels, whispering a quiet goodbye to your the soil your mother laid beneath and made a break for it. he was so tall, legs so long and graceful, he caught up with you within a moment. as his cold, ring cluttered, fingers brace the sides of your arms, forcing you to a halt against the tallest stone grave in all of the graveyard, obscuring you from anybody’s view—which only fed your terror—you had to focus on your breathing so as to not let fearful tears slip from your eyes. “get your hands off of me,” your voice was shaky, because you knew just how unpredictable he could be and right now, all that you knew for a fact was that he wasn’t above tearing apart your life right here if you made the single wrong move. he did have the money, influence, and power for it, after all. coriolanus’ voice was sickeningly sweet, gentle, akin to your man back home. “hey, hey, i won’t hurt you, i promise. just wanna talk, that’s it, hm?” his hands move from your shoulders to your face, caressing his thumb against your tear-stained cheek. you shake your head, to deny the request and to get the feeling of his skin off of yours. “no, no. please, coriolanus, let me go home. i have a fiancée, who loves me and-“ your rambling is cut short but a wide-eyed, almost concerned, interjection from him. “he doesn’t love you like i do! i would kill for you, do you understand? he wouldn’t go to any lengths necessary to keep you safe—can’t you see that? i mean, there isn’t a line in the world that i wouldn’t cross for you! i’m not mad, i forgive you for leaving, i know you were just scared, just wish you talked to me, is all. please, dove, come back to the capitol. i haven’t been able to manage since you disappeared. can’t live without you, dove, i won’t,” you wince at the nickname, not having heard it since you left. “i can’t. i have a life in four, snow. i can’t just leave,”
there’s a pained flinch at the use of his last name, having been so used to your sweet, little, pet names you once used just for him. you probably call your fisherman back home those things now, and that thought made his blood boil more than any other. suddenly, almost as if stepping into a role, a character, his eyes deepen, like a bottomless pool of sorrow. “you didn’t seem to think so all those years ago,”
his devastating voice, his despaired, tragically blue, eyes distorted your judgement, and all of a sudden, he wasn’t coriolanus snow anymore. he was corio, your corio.
somehow, in some weird, twisted, round-a-bout way, that’s how you ended up here, writhing on his fingers, his venom-slick sweet nothings spilling into your ears as praises as you come undone on his hands. then on his tongue. and finally, after he’d spent so long giving himself orgasms with only the memory of you spurring him, you’d unraveled on his cock.
and he knew, he had you. he knew, baby came home.
#.𖥔 ݁ ˖ִ ࣪⚝₊ ⊹˚ 𝐤𝐚𝐢𝐚 𝐰𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐞𝐬 !#i would hate it if my finger accidentally slipped and tapped the post button ! 🙈#woopsy daisy ! 🤭#corio angel 🪽★#kaia writes coriolanus#young coriolanus snow smut#coriolanus snow fanfiction#coriolanus snow fanfic#coriolanus x you#young coriolanus snow#coriolanus snow smut#coriolanus snow x reader#coriolanus snow#tbosas smut#tbosas#thg smut#tom blyth smut#tom blyth
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Midnight Promises Broken at Dawn
Part One Here
A few days later, an unusual warm spell had melted the snow, but had left freezing rain in its wake. For the past week, Raven's traps had laid empty since all the animals in the surrounding forest had bedded down to wait out the freezing rain, and the last bit of food she had brought or foraged had been consumed days ago.
It was no surprise that her half-dreams of whispering shadows had returned. Hallucinating was a symptom of extreme starvation, after all. Feeling a presence in the room with her, Raven curled tighter in her thin, worn blankets, listening to stray drops of rain sizzle on the fire in the hearth. She was trying to force herself to sleep. The sooner she could fall asleep, the sooner she could forget about the hollowness in her stomach.
“You're still here.”
Raven chose not to waste precious energy on a response, and instead lay there in silence. Her hallucinations were rarely so curious. However, the shadows continued to talk, as if unnerved by her silence.
“Honestly, it's a feat you've managed to last this long.” The darkness slid along the corners of the room, and she felt the weight of its stare. “Humans tend to die when faced with circumstances like this.” There was another long pause, and the shadow seemed to drop closer to the floor, as if inspecting her like she was a decaying rodent. “Perhaps you will die soon. It would ease your suffering at the very least.”
That was an unnecessary slight. Her eyes snapped open and she glared into the coals of the fire, forcing that gnawing, hungry feeling to the back of her mind. “I refuse to let my father be right.”
The shadows were quiet for a long moment as they continued to watch her. “Your father?”
“Father.” She snorted, the sound growling and divisive. “The unfortunate seed from which I was born.”
There was another pause. “You seem to harbor some hostility towards your father.”
“That's a bit of an understatement.”
A soft hum escaped, as if the shadows fully understood the vitriol in those words. They spoke again, their question genuinely curious. “What would your father be right about?”
“That the only good thing about my existence is ending it.” Raven's words were thick with hatred, and she closed her eyes against the dry heat of the fading coals. The emptiness in her stomach was fading as sleep started to claim her, curling in at the edges of her mind. “The fucker can rot in his grave for all I care. I'll survive just to prove he was wrong about me. I am not the curse he thinks I am.”
“Your determination is almost charming."
She snorted and turned her head into the bunch of clothes serving as a pillow. “I don't need my hallucinations patronizing me.”
“Don't make it so easy then.”
Raven gave a breathy laugh as the last bit of her energy faded, letting sleep pull her into its quiet embrace. “Mouthy bastard.”
The last thing she heard was a low, rumbling laugh.
-
He wished he could stay away from her.
He should have stayed away from her. Contact between gods and mortals never ended well. The union between his parents was case and point. And yet he had returned to the rotting cabin again looking for… her.
When Damian had visited her next, the deep, bone shattering cold of midwinter had returned, and the brief few days of wet icy warmth had disappeared. The cabin smelled of rot and stagnant water and… something else. His lip curled up in disgust, and Damian covered his nose against the scent.
The coals in the fire had died hours ago, and any light that would have come in from the outside was swallowed by a clouded, moonless sky. It was still and eerie, as though all life had been sucked out of the space, leaving a vacuum where something had once stood. Damian moved through the space, feeling around himself for echoes of her.
She must have left. Well, good. At least it would keep strangers off his land. A small feeling that seemed almost like sadness twisted in his chest, and Damian stepped onto the decayed floor. His toe hit what felt like a heavy bag, and he frowned. Dropping down to a low squat, he pressed his hand against…
Her ribs.
Damian dug around in his pockets until he found his cell phone, and flicked on the flashlight. Raven was laying sprawled out on the floor, her breathing shallow and coarse. The smell of sickness and death washed over her, staining her skin. His fingers slid down her side, feeling her ribs nearly poke through the thin fabric of her sweater.
When had she eaten last… and what was it?
He thought it was odd that was the first thought he had in his mind - a feeling of concern for someone he barely knew. His grandfather was not a benevolent god, and Damian wasn’t sure if he was too. His reign on earth was too short to understand who he really was. His lips twitched, and his fingers pushed back her ragged hair from her face, watching her eyes twist underneath the dark color of her eyelids. She wasn’t going to last more than a few more days, and that was only if she was lucky.
He groaned and rubbed a hand over his face. He shouldn’t do this. He really shouldn’t do this. Cursing under his breath, Damian lifted her slight frame into his arms and stepped out of the cabin into the cold night.
-
Raven was floating somewhere.
She wasn’t entirely sure where, but somewhere.
Gods, she would hate it if her father was right. She rolled onto her side, expecting to feel the hard cold dirt of the cabin floor, but instead felt soft sheets and an even softer mattress beneath her. She was surrounded by the scent of clean linen, and the room was pleasantly warm. If this was the afterlife, she could have done worse. A window on the far side of the room showcased sweeping views of a wild pine forest that seemed to stretch out for eternity, each tree turned silvery by the sliver of the moon in the sky.
“You’re awake.”
The voice spoke from the darkest shadows of the room, and try as she might, Raven couldn’t see into the darkness.
“Did you… save me?” She took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “Or am I dead?”
“No.” A soft snort was her response, followed by a heavy silence. “Those mushrooms you foraged were not meant for human consumption.”
“I knew… but I didn’t really have many options, did I?” Raven fell back against the luxurious pillows on the bed and gave a harsh laugh. “I didn’t even get a good trip, did I? No, just gastrointestinal distress and a one way ticket to the afterlife.”
She had known that those mushrooms were iffy at best, but she had been without food for nearly two weeks, and her options were limited. She took a chance and gambled, and she had lost. Running a hand over her face, Raven looked up at the ceiling, watching the moonlight flicker around the space, casting long, dark shadows.
“Sorry for any inconvenience I caused you.”
There was a long pause, and the only sounds in the room were a rustling of fabric and her ragged breaths.
“Stay until you feel well enough to travel.”
Raven blinked and looked towards the shadows again, and she got the impression that the person just shrugged.
“I have room enough for both of us.”
There was another pause. “You’re not going to break my legs and force me to stay and write novels, are you?”
“You’re free to come and go as you please, and I don’t know you well enough to gauge your writing ability.” The shadow moved toward the edge of the door, still shrouded from her observation. “You’re safe here, so take your rest while you can, and sleep.”
As if he had spoken magic, Raven felt her eyes grow heavy and she sunk deep into a dreamless sleep.
-
Damian stepped outside the room and closed the door, looking into the expectant eyes of his half-brother. Fuck. If anyone was going to gossip to Damian’s family about what Damian was doing, it would be Dick.
“Stay until you feel well enough to travel?”
Damian sighed and turned away from him, obviously annoyed. “Are you going to continue to tease me?”
“I’ve never seen you get so worked up over a human before.”
“That’s kindness that I was displaying, in case you didn’t realize.” He started down the hallway, and Dick followed, obviously amused.
“Yeah, I know. That’s what’s so confusing.” Dick glanced over at him with a grin. “I don’t think I’ve seen you act that way with anyone let alone, a human.”
“Father is human.”
“Barely.” Dick snorted. “Your mother thinks his blood is diluted to the point where he’s still got some kind of powers… whatever they are.”
Damian made a noncommittal noise. He’d expected there was some diluted blood in father’s lineage for a long while, but he chose not to mention it. They both fell into a companionable silence for a moment, until Damian could start to feel the tension of an unspoken question hanging in the air. Dick was trying not to say anything, but Damian knew he was about to burst by trying to keep quiet.
With a sigh and an annoyed click of his tongue, Damian stared over at him. “You're like a dog with a bone. Just ask whatever it is you want to ask already.”
“Why her?”
Damian tried to look unaffected by the question, but the truth was that he asked himself the same thing. By all accounts, Raven wasn't special. So, why was he affected by her? Why this disheveled, downtrodden human? Why this woman who slept in abandoned cabins and could carry her entire life in a backpack?
And yet… Damian had never felt this way about a human before. He liked her, but didn’t really have any reason why. With her sharp wit and even sharper tongue, she seemed to keep his ego in check. She was strong enough to keep going, in spite of everything the universe continued to throw at her. But those weren’t reasons to like her, just understand her.
“You look like you're fascinated by her.” Dick's voice held a note of amusement.
“Oh, shut up.” Damian snapped at his brother, his eyes dark. “You’re no better, with the girl you try to keep hidden in town. What was her name again? Kory? Runs the cafe and makes the absolute worst coffee I’ve ever tasted?”
Color stained Dick’s face and he glared. “How do you know?”
“It doesn’t take a genius to realize she’s a bubbling, glowing mess every time you’re in town.” Damian waved him off. “What you do with humans - or anyone else - is none of my business. Just like it’s none of your business what I do with strange women wandering on my land.”
“Fair.” Dick conceded the argument. “Fine. I won’t pry.” Damian snorted, as if he didn’t believe him. If there was anything he knew about his brother, it was that he would never be satisfied until he stuck his nose into everyone’s business.
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On the heels of the latest Mighty Nein Solstice show, I felt like my setup for a BeauYasha + Astrid situation was (barely) relevant again.
This is set, in theory, post-campaign 2, and prior to Ruidus shenanigans.
--
Beau tucks her napkin into the collar of her shirt and patiently waits for Yasha to bring dinner to the table. Beau set all the cups and bowls and everything out, but her wife likes to bring the meal.
“Are you ready?” Yasha calls.
“I’m so ready!” Beau calls back.
Yasha rounds the corner, a steaming dish in her hands. She’s wearing a black apron that says ‘kiss the cook’, and nothing else.
The apron is suitably sized for someone a little more average than Yasha’s big, muscular frame, and so it’s really working to keep her decent.
Beau’s thoughts are far away from decent. She can’t pick her jaw up off the floor.
Yasha’s face flushes— she still blushes when Beau hits on her even though they’ve been together for like 8 years now, and married for 3 of those. It makes Beau fall even more in love with her. And then her wife tries to do a sexy walk over to the table. Yasha is anything but graceful— she’s a force of nature— and Beau’s too far gone to think this awkward strut is anything but hot.
Yasha sets the serving dish onto the table, and lifts the spoon out of it. There’s definitely something doing it pretty good for Beau with how the strew is thick and dripping. And that’s also something she’ll take to her grave because it is so embarrassing that stew can make her horny, but in her defense it’s being served by the hottest woman in the whole world.
“Hungry?” Yasha purrs.
“Starving,” Beau says, and opens her mouth.
And that’s when Caleb appears in the room. He’s holding someone.
“Send me back!” Astrid screams, “I had him!”
Blood hits the floor in a loud splat.
“Help me!” Caleb shouts.
Astrid bares her teeth, and raises her arm to strike and— Caleb’s holding her left arm over his shoulders to keep her up. Her right arm doesn’t raise because it’s gone.
“Fuck!”
Beau flies out of her seat, and is across the room.
As Astrid registers her missing limb, as blood continues to fly from the wound, Beau skids to a stop at her side. She catches Astrid as her knees go out, and together she and Caleb get Astrid to the floor.
Beau registers the smell of smoke, of arcane magic. Astrid’s tattoos are still bright and pulsing on her remaining arm. Both her and Caleb are covered in soot, in blood. Their hair is singed. Caleb’s got that jittery, caffeinated look he has when he’s been working heavy magic. Beau rips off her loose top and tries to staunch the blood.
“You had no right,” Astrid snarls.
“He was going to kill you,” Caleb snaps.
“Blood for blood,” Astrid hisses, “I’ll take his fucking head!”
Astrid fights at Beau and Caleb, and she’s too weak to push either of them off.
“What the fuck?” Beau shouts.
And it’s now that Yasha reaches them, a fucking angel who’s entire body lights up as she reaches for Astrid. She’s still wearing the apron and nothing else.
Astrid’s back arches as the healing magic surges through her. When she drops, her whole body goes limp. Yasha checks her pulse to make sure the shock of healing didn’t kill her.
“That will keep her from dying, but she needs to see a real healer,” Yasha says.
“Dude what the fuck?” Beau demands.
Caleb groans out a sigh, and wobbles like he might collapse as well. He braces both hands on the floor to keep himself stable, “she— she went after him. I tried to stop her, but she—”
“Who? Trent?”
“Ludinus.”
Beau’s stomach drops. She looks down at the unconscious idiot between them. Despite Yasha’s healing, Astrid is white as snow. Her eyes are closed. Beau checks the wound— the bleeding has stopped, the amputation appears as if it’s had a few weeks of healing, but it’s still raw and red.
Caleb nods, as the severity of the situation sets in, “I— I had nowhere to go. They’re still fighting— the Assembly, and the Volstrucker. Other factions. She might have started a civil war.”
“Or a massacre,” Beau realizes, “Ludinus— fuck! He’s the fucking guy! We don’t have enough to pin him yet, and now? Fuck! I thought she was helping us, what happened?”
She has to shake Astrid to wake her up.
One of her eyes is red with blood. Thanks to Yasha’s healing, the wound is handled, but it will take time for that to clear out. It gives the woman a decidedly unsettling look.
Astrid glares up as they lean over her, and then turns to Caleb, “did you take me to a fucking titty bar?”
#beauyasha#beauregard lionett#yasha nydoorin#astrid beck#critical role#this is also... possibly... very loosely set in the fealty au#like so loosely that it may not happen#but the thought here is entirely:#wouldn't it be funny if every couple in tm9 ended up with their own personal Volstrucker#Veth n Yeza have Caleb#FJ obvi have Eadwulf (i wrote 60k plus of that lol)#and then the lesbians get this feral tripod that caleb drops on them#i tricked myself into loving the Volstrucker#and now i have to make sure they all go to good homes
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'snow & dirty rain' by richard siken is so aziracrow-coded (the good omens brain-rot is so strong and so crippling)
Close your eyes. A lover is standing too close to focus on. Leave me blurry and fall toward me with your entire body. Lie under the covers, pretending to sleep, while I'm in the other room. Imagine my legs crossed, my hair combed, the shine of my boots in the slatted light. I'm thinking My plant, his chair, the ashtray that we bought together. I'm thinking This is where we live. When we were little we made houses out of cardboard boxes. We can do anything. It's not because our hearts are large, they're not, it's what we struggle with. The attempt to say Come over. Bring your friends. It's a potluck, I'm making pork chops, I'm making those long noodles you love so much. My dragonfly, my black-eyed fire, the knives in the kitchen are singing for blood, but we are the crossroads, my little outlaw, and this is the map of my heart, the landscape after cruelty which is, of course, a garden, which is a tenderness, which is a room, a lover saying Hold me tight, it's getting cold.
We have not touched the stars, nor are we forgiven, which brings us back to the hero's shoulders and the gentleness that comes, not from the absence of violence, but despite the abundance of it. The lawn drowned, the sky on fire, the gold light falling backward through the glass of every room. I'll give you my heart to make a place for it to happen, evidence of a love that transcends hunger. Is that too much to expect? That I would name the stars for you? That I would take you there? The splash of my tongue melting you like a sugar cube? We've read the back of the book, we know what's going to happen. The fields burned, the land destroyed, the lovers left broken in the brown dirt. And then it's gone.
Makes you sad. All your friends are gone. Goodbye Goodbye. No more tears. I would like to meet you all in Heaven. But there's a litany of dreams that happens somewhere in the middle. Moonlight spilling on the bathroom floor. A page of the book where we transcend the story of our lives, past the taco stands and record stores. Moonlight making crosses on your body, and me putting my mouth on every one. We have been very brave, we have wanted to know the worst, wanted the curtain to be lifted from our eyes. This dream going on with all of us in it. Penciling in the bighearted slob. Penciling in his outstretched arms. Our father who art in Heaven. Our father who art buried in the yard. Someone is digging your grave right now. Someone is drawing a bath to wash you clean, he said, so think of the wind, so happy, so warm. It's a fairy tale, the story underneath the story, sliding down the polished halls, lightning here and gone. We make these ridiculous idols so we can pray to what's behind them, but what happens after we get up the ladder? Do we simply stare at what's horrible and forgive it?
Here is the river, and here is the box, and here are the monsters we put in the box to test our strength against. Here is the cake, and here is the fork, and here's the desire to put it inside us, and then the question behind every question: What happens next? The way you slam your body into mine reminds me I'm alive, but monsters are always hungry, darling, and they're only a few steps behind you, finding the flaw, the poor weld, the place where we weren't stitched up quite right, the place they could almost slip right through if the skin wasn't trying to keep them out, to keep them here, on the other side of the theater where the curtain keeps rising. I crawled out the window and ran into the woods. I had to make up all the words myself. The way they taste, the way they sound in the air.
I passed through the narrow gate, stumbled in, stumbled around for a while, and stumbled back out. I made this place for you. A place for you to love me. If this isn't a kingdom then I don't know what is. So how would you catalog it? Dawn in the fields? Snow and dirty rain? Light brought in in buckets? I was trying to describe the kingdom, but the letters kept smudging as I wrote them: the hunter's heart, the hunter's mouth, the trees and the trees and the space between the trees, swimming in gold. The words frozen. The creatures frozen. The plum sauce leaking out of the bag. Explaining will get us nowhere. I was away, I don't know where, lying on the floor, pretending I was dead. I wanted to hurt you but the victory is that I could not stomach it. We have swallowed him up, they said. It's beautiful. It really is. I had a dream about you. We were in the gold room where everyone finally gets what they want. You said Tell me about your books, your visions made of flesh and light and I said This is the Moon. This is the Sun. Let me name the stars for you. Let me take you there. The splash of my tongue melting you like a sugar cube...
We were in the gold room where everyone finally gets what they want, so I said What do you want, sweetheart? and you said Kiss me. Here I am leaving you clues. I am singing now while Rome burns. We are all just trying to be holy. My applejack, my silent night, just mash your lips against me. We are all going forward. None of us are going back.
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dark angel navi | 0 | 1 | 2 | 3
synopsis after dying and coming back to life as a vampire with an unrelenting thirst for blood, jungkook is on the run. it doesn't matter where he goes or how he just needs to keep running. away from the hunters, away from the people he killed the first night he came back, he just has to keep moving...but then he finds you.
pairing jungkook x fem reader
genre vampire au, supernatural, unrealistic historical fic, romance
warnings smut, suicidal ideation, suicide attempts, sexual assault (not between mc and jk), brief depictions of rape (again, not between mc and jk), murder, LOTS of blood
The hunts began after he went into hiding. He didn't have a purpose by running and hiding in the forest. He was terrified of himself. The sun hurt his eyes and intimidated him into the deep crevices of a cave. He was immortal now. His youth meetings at the church would detail the grave lengths of immortality such as the necessary feedings to keep his nonexistent heart alive and full, the ring of absolute silver bestowed by a pastor to grant sun indifference. Staying alive while being dead was too much. Jungkook prayed God would have mercy on him and take his life once again. Forgive him for the bloodshed caused and allow him to rest in peace in heaven with his mother.
But he knew that was unlikely, the fiery pits of hell would be more fitting for a demon like him.
It had been two full months since he’d left the town, since he’d fed and he’d grown fairly weak. His body rapidly lost weight and the muscle that he’d packed on when he was human. The pale skin deepened to a sheer gray. The black veins beneath his skin prominent under the moonlight. He knew what he had to do, but he didn’t want to go back to town and kill more people, his friends, his neighbors. So, he stayed in the cave embracing death with open arms. That is until a small herd of bunnies came into the cave fleeing from the heavy downpour outside the rocky settlement. Their little hearts were thumping quickly, he could smell the blood beneath the fur.
It's not human, he mentally chanted as he tore into all twelve of the bunnies. Their blood was not as sweet as the townspeople, but it sufficed his thirst for the night. His skin returned to “normal” the deathly porcelain he’d grown accustomed to and his vision was sharper. He leaned back against the jagged cave staring at the red bunnies surrounding him. He sobbed.
Why him?
It wasn’t long before he was hungry again. months had slipped between his fingers in minutes. He barely slept. Most days he spent crying or staring outside the cave pondering on what to do. He wanted to die. He settled on that thought. By some ungodly nature he was a damned bastard and he wanted to meet his demise quickly.
Snowfall returned once again signaling an entire year had passed. He swore he’d only been away from town for a few months, but a year had passed before his eyes. He wasn’t living anymore. He had a conscious inside of a shell. He wanted to rid himself of life and so that night he snuck out of the cave. The sheet of icy white snow tickled his feet, but the coldness was numbing to him. He couldn’t feel it.
He sought out a stick and using his elongated nails he’d trimmed it into a sharpened triangle. He just needed to stab himself in the heart and all would be well according to the myths. He slipped back into the cave holding the stake a few inches from his chest as tears silently rolled down his cheeks. This was the only way. It was either this or hurting more innocent people. He pushed the stake out and swung inward, piercing his chest. The pointed end broke off into his chest, black blood pouring from his wound. Dropping the stake he laid back, as his vision blurred he knew he was going to die. A smile of relief pulled at his lips and with one last tear leaving his eyes darkness encompassed him.
But life hadn’t been kind to him.
Hours felt like seconds and those seconds worked to repair his wounded heart and the scar surrounding it.
Unwillingly he was still “alive”
Jungkook quickly sat up laying his hand over his heart, the wound was gone and all that remain were his bloodied dark clothing. Killing himself was unsuccessful. The thought of not being able to die by his own will brought more tears to his eyes. He just wanted to die already. Wallowing away without food (read: blood) took so much effort every bone in his body deteriorated slowly. The stories he’d heard of vampires dying because of forced lack of blood transpired over centuries. It’d take generations for Jungkook to ween off the blood of his massacre from a year ago. He didn’t want to wait that long.
He was a murder and he couldn’t even spare himself from guilt by killing himself. Life was cruel. He layed back on the dirt staring at the pile of rocks that made the cave. Each one relied on the one above it, beside it and below. If the rocks fell hopefully he’d be in the cave and be crushed to death. It’d be more painful and he wasn’t sure when the earth would shake violently again in what his town called the “wrath of god” but he hoped it’d be soon. He dug his fingers into the dirt letting the soil fester under his nails, bugs crawling over his arms and before he would’ve shaken them off. When he was human he had an immense fear of the tiny creatures, but here in the darkness of the woods, in the cave they were his only friends beside the bunnies he feasted on.
His eyes began to close, his body had exhausted itself by repairing his wounds, sleep beckoned him behind his fluttering lids, but he couldn’t drift off. He smelled smoke, but most importantly he smelled people and they were close. Jungkook cowered to the farther edge of the cave, but he heard them inching closer to the beginning of the cave, they were coming inside. “Tell the other men to check by Harthorn River.” Jungkook’s eyebrows drew together, he knew that voice.
“Dad, what if we give it a rest? We’ve been looking for a year.” Another man spoke. “You know how dangerous these caves are, they could collapse at any moment.” The second man continued, Jungkook could smell the sour notes in his scent, the worry tangled with masked frustration.
Namjoon.
“Son, if you’re going to be a little girl about it, stay outside with the other men.” The crunch of leaves under boots sounded again and Jungkook looked around. What could he do? Where could he go? There was no doubt he could rip into the men in seconds, but he didn’t want to do that. The image of the townspeople bodies piling the streets is forever burned into his memory and he never wants to witness anything like that again.
Jungkook noticed a rock at the top of the cave protruding out. His idea was a long shot and by the steady increase of feet padding closer to him he only had one chance to make it. He stepped back using all his strength to jump. He grasped the edge of the rock easily holding himself up, his nails digging into the rough surface painfully. The men entered so he stayed silent sprawled at the top of the cave watching them shuffle inside the tiny space.
“Look at this.” Namjoon's dad swung his boot kicking at the bunny closest to him. The small animal rolled to the side, Jungkook's canine marks and blood imprinted into the once pure white fur. “This sick freak has been eating bunnies.” The sour scent from earlier got stronger, more potent, it was overwhelming. Looking behind Namjoon’s dad he could see why.
Namjoon was staring at him.
“See, son? Your friend is damned to be a bloodthirsty demon for eternity!” His voice bounced off the walls ringing in Jungkook’s ears. Namjoon quickly lowered his head when his father glanced at him solemnly nodding.
“Bakun,” one of the men at the further edge of the cave called, “we found something.” Bakun gritted his teeth. Jungkook was near here somewhere he could feel it. Reluctantly, he followed the men out. Namjoon remained still, his torch lighting Jungkook’s features as he raised it higher dried blood stained his hands, chin, and clothing. He looked dirty. Nothing like the clean, neat friend from before.
“Jun—“
“Namjoon, stop playing and get your ass out here!” Namjoon swallowed his heart rate picking up, the steady thrum of blood was so inviting. Jungkook could almost taste it. While his scent was slightly bitter nothing covered the sweet smell of blood, it was making him dizzy. His best friend—or used to be best friend grimaced and left the cave leaving Jungkook alone again. He let go of the rock dropping onto his hands and knees in a crouch.
There was no doubt in his mind, they were hunting him and they’d be back.
Jungkook hid in the cave afraid of stepping out and being caught. He knew what he was capable of but just because he could didn’t mean he wanted to. This meant he was no longer scavenging for small bunnies and animals alike; he was starving himself once again. His body lay frail and sweaty. He was burning up. He’d removed his clothing to ease the heat but it only got worse, he could feel every gust of wind prick his skin as if they were little daggers. He was in so much pain. He heard it again, the sound of footsteps, fast and determined, headed straight towards the cave. It was just one set this time, the steps abruptly halted, a large thud sounding followed by a bone chilling yell for help.
Namjoon.
Jungkook’s hunger was long forgotten as he pushed off the cave floor into the forest, the sun was blinding and irritated his weak skin, but Namjoon’s heart was pumping hard inside his chest, he was afraid. Jungkook heard a snarl and looked up to see a figure holding Namjoon by the nape on a tall tree branch. He could barely see the man's face, only his dark hair, but he saw the shiny canines he barred at Namjoon's neck.
“No!” Jungkook shrieked. He was goddamn emotional. He couldn’t stop the tears forming in his eyes as the male stood high above him, he was too weak to do anything.
“Who is this?” The male asked, waving around Namjoon's body as if he weighed nothing.
“M-my name—“ the male growled behind him, digging his nails into his skin as a warning. The smell of blood drew Jungkook in his eyes, clouding with darkness. He was losing himself again. He covered his nose with his hand backing away from the tree.
“I’m asking him.” He pointed down at Jungkook the exact same elongated black nails that adored Jungkook’s hand were on the mans as well. He was like Jungkook, a cursed demon, but the sunlight wasn’t bothering him. Jungkook would laugh if the situation were any different. Namjoon stood at around six feet tall and the man behind him although buff had a much shorter stature than him and yet he easily held Namjoon by the neck.
“Namjoon,” Jungkook cleared his throat, his voice weak. He hadn’t spoken in so long. “My best friend.” The man looked between Jungkook and Namjoon wearily, his sharp eyes narrowing. Jungkook looked utterly terrified of him, how cute. Restraining a coo he jumped gracefully landing on his feet as he let Namjoon go. As soon as he hit the ground Namjoon’s legs buckled, paralyzed with fear, a muffled sob burrowing into the leaves as he cried into the ground, he thought he was going to die.
Jungkook stared at the back of his neck, blood was seeping from the small crescent incisions. He walked forward, dropping his hand causing even more of the sugary scent to erode his senses. Namjoon’s body trembled as he cried, causing the blood to dip below his collar bone beneath his cloak. Jungkook almost pounced on him, a firm push back causing him to stumble effectively snapping him out of his trance. “You wouldn’t want to kill your best friend, right?” The man whispered as to not scare the panicked man below them. Jungkook returned his hand to his nose, stepping away. “Namjoon, I am so sorry for my impoliteness, I was afraid you were hunting Jungkook.” Namjoon sniffled, turning onto his back, the sweet scent of blood less potent.
“You two know each other?” He mumbled wiping his cheeks with his cloak.
Yoongi hummed, disagreeing. “No, but I will kill anyone that hunts my kind.” He smiled, his sharp teeth poking through his lips. “I’m Yoongi.” He held out his hand, but Namjoon didn’t take it. He eyed his outstretched hand wearily. “Any friend of my kind is a friend of mine.'' Namjoon took his hand standing up, his eyes darting between the two.
“How do you know his name then?” Namjoon asked. He was always the smarter of the two wanting to gather every bit of information he could muster in a subject and usually that was pertinent to school, but as of late he’d researched all the books he could for vampire occurrences in their small town and not once had he heard of a Yoongi.
“He’s been the talk of the town,” Yoongi shrugged, leaning into a tree shade as he crossed his arms as a low chuckle escapes him, “everyone's keeping an eye out for the black eyed demon, Jungkook.” He scoffed, he still couldn’t fathom the fact that Jungkook outshined him so quickly.
Back in the 1600’s he’d killed the entire town after the murder of his sister, a vampire like himself. He left two women alive, one he had been fond of (read: in love with) before his rampage and the other a God fearing woman. The two women were chosen intentionally. They were both pregnant. Yoongi's “friend” was pregnant with his child even though she didn’t know it. He frequently sat outside her window listening to the sound of her heartbeat and eventually a few nights after they slept together he heard two heartbeats. It wasn’t the other woman he left in town, he placed her on the opposite far end of town away from her, them. The sound was too small, too faint to be anything but a growing child.
His child.
Yoongi’s choice of keeping them alive didn’t come without a deal. He told them he’d keep them alive if they instilled fear into the news townspeople about the monsters lurking in the shadows. They shouldn’t be messed with. Vampires. And they both did. Yoongi’s friend even gave Yoongi a beautiful baby girl—who was then killed by a migrating town when they realized the baby could cry without a heartbeat. The woman who bore him the child, the woman whom he loved, took her own life. She was distraught after the death of her baby. Yoongi spiraled, acting out another rampage. That one had lasted two decades, at the end of his wrath on the town he made sure to plant vampire babies everywhere, most of which were swiftly killed off. Although some remained it was very few and they never came back to that god forsaken town. Jungkook, Yoongi assumed, had been one of his offspring; no other vampires lurked in the forest but Yoongi. He never picked up on the bittersweet scent of death on anyone in town. Jungkook was his son.
But beyond taking his spotlight Jungkook was nothing but a scared little boy. Sure he was nineteen, but he was afraid of his power. He didn’t embrace it. Yoongi watched the other night as the men entered the cave. He would let Jungkook handle it, but at the hint of trouble, he’d swoop down and kill every man in sight, that was the plan but it never came to that. Jungkook had some sort of moral code that Yoongi couldn’t comprehend and to his surprise everyone walked out of that cave alive.
He didn’t understand him.
“I’m not a demon.” Jungkook mumbled, his words muffled beneath his hand, but Yoongi heard him just fine. There it is again, the misunderstandings. Yoongi had seen Jungkook in town before, during his monthly hunts for blood. When he would snag a human being no one would notice disappearing, more often than not that was homeless people or the sick and elderly. Jungkook was strong before his transformation but this gift, this power multiplied that by a ton. Jungkook was not only stronger and faster, no cursed disease like the one that killed him could affect him ever again. And yet, he didn’t want it. He didn’t crave the God-like power that Yoongi had unknowingly given him.
“Well, you’re certainly not a human.” Yoongi remarked hearing a low snarl in turn. “What? Are you offended? You’re dead, Jungkook, just like me.” Jungkook turned away fully prepared to leave Yoongi behind, he didn’t need this. He didn’t need protection, he wanted to die, he wanted the curse bestowed upon him to be taken away, he didn’t want to be a demon or anything like the sarcastic asshole named Yoongi.
“Jungkook, wait.” Namjoon followed behind him tugging at his wrist just before he entered his hideout inside the cave. “I came here to talk to you about what’s been going on in town while you’ve been away.” Yoongi watches the two silently, scoffing as Namjoon unties his cloak spreading it out along the leaves. A little dirt won’t fucking kill you, Yoongi thinks as they sit down facing one another. “There’s been some..offerings for your life: food rations, animals, gold. The whole town is set on killing you.” Namjoon explains as Yoongi’s eyebrows raise.
“The whole town, aye? That includes you?” Yoongi questions, stalking forward.
Despite his earlier behavior Namjoon still fixes Yoongi with a harsh glare. “No.” Namjoon says, turning his ridiculously broad back to Yoongi.
“Nammo—“
“Namjoon.”
“Whatever, this isn’t anything new, we know—Jungkook knows he’s being hunted. Why’re you really here? You’re the son of that guy, right? Banku-“
“Bakun.”
“He was leading the hunters right to Jungkook. How do we know this isn’t a set up? Or you weren’t followed? Wouldn’t your father notice you’re missing?” Yoongi’s sharp eyes stay on Namjoon, but he still notices Jungkook recoil into himself, distancing himself from Namjoon. Even if unintentional Yoongi is glad to have planted a seed of doubt inside Jungkook when it comes to Namjoon. Humans have proved to Yoongi over the years that no matter the emotional weight of the relationship prior to a person transforming humans would always uphold the ideas of the church which is that people like Yoongi, like Jungkook needed to die.
For fucks sake Yoongi’s closest friend ratted him out to the village after he turned.
Although Namjoon’s scent hadn’t spiked with anything bitter which would clue Yoongi into Namjoon lying or having ill intentions, the problem is that Namjoon seems intelligent, he could’ve learned how to mask his scent if he looked for the right information.
“No he wouldn’t.” Namjoon replies, turning all his attention back to Jungkook. “Kook, there’s something you need to know…” Namjoon says carefully, pausing as he contemplates how he should word this. Namjoon has no clue how he’d fare in Jungkook’s position especially after the news he has for him, but he has to tell him it’s only right. “Yes my father is leading the hunts physically but behind the scenes…” Namjoon inhales a shaky breath. “Dae-young,” he looks away from Jungkook as he sees him perk up at the familiar name. “He’s the one offering the most for your death. Gold, his land, his animals, all of it.” Yoongi stares his eyebrows raised in confusion as the solemn atmosphere settles around them. Jungkook’s eyes turn glassy and Namjoon looks borderline uncomfortable.
“Anybody wanna clue me into who the hell Dae-young is?” Yoongi asks, rocking on the balls of his feet.
Namjoon looks up, opening his mouth to fill him in, but Jungkook is faster with tears in his eyes he says:
“Dae-young is my father.”
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But she sleep on, and I may not wake her though I try. I do not wish to try too hard lest I harm her; for I know that she have suffer much, and sleep at times be all-in-all to her. I think I drowse myself, for all of sudden I feel guilt, as though I have done something; I find myself bolt up, with the reins in my hand, and the good horses go along jog, jog, just as ever. I look down and find Madam Mina still sleep. It is now not far off sunset time, and over the snow the light of the sun flow in big yellow flood, so that we throw great long shadow on where the mountain rise so steep. For we are going up, and up; and all is oh! so wild and rocky, as though it were the end of the world.
Then I arouse Madam Mina. This time she wake with not much trouble, and then I try to put her to hypnotic sleep. But she sleep not, being as though I were not. Still I try and try, till all at once I find her and myself in dark; so I look round, and find that the sun have gone down. Madam Mina laugh, and I turn and look at her. She is now quite awake, and look so well as I never saw her since that night at Carfax when we first enter the Count's house. I am amaze, and not at ease then; but she is so bright and tender and thoughtful for me that I forget all fear. I light a fire, for we have brought supply of wood with us, and she prepare food while I undo the horses and set them, tethered in shelter, to feed. Then when I return to the fire she have my supper ready. I go to help her; but she smile, and tell me that she have eat already—that she was so hungry that she would not wait. I like it not, and I have grave doubts; but I fear to affright her, and so I am silent of it. She help me and I eat alone; and then we wrap in fur and lie beside the fire, and I tell her to sleep while I watch. But presently I forget all of watching; and when I sudden remember that I watch, I find her lying quiet, but awake, and looking at me with so bright eyes. Once, twice more the same occur, and I get much sleep till before morning. When I wake I try to hypnotise her; but alas! though she shut her eyes obedient, she may not sleep. The sun rise up, and up, and up; and then sleep come to her too late, but so heavy that she will not wake. I have to lift her up, and place her sleeping in the carriage when I have harnessed the horses and made all ready. Madam still sleep, and she look in her sleep more healthy and more redder than before. And I like it not. And I am afraid, afraid, afraid!—I am afraid of all things—even to think but I must go on my way. The stake we play for is life and death, or more than these, and we must not flinch.
So... this passage has a lot of red flags.
Mina wakes laughing, and is incredibly cheerful given the circumstances. At times this cheer seems to have an almost supernatural ability to erase Van Helsing's unease (reminding me of the vampire ladies at first).
Then Mina preps the food but refuses to have any, saying she couldn't wait and has already eaten. This is straight out of Dracula's playbook when Jonathan arrived at the castle.
Meanwhile, Van Helsing keeps drifting off and falling asleep. This could just be because he's been pushing himself really hard to stay awake (as we know from previous Mina entries) but the way he writes about just kind of finding himself asleep reminds me a lot of Mina when Dracula was preying on her. Not to mention, Mina herself now looks healthier and redder than before. Which he does say happens in her sleep in the morning, but also comes about right after she's been lying awake watching him and he has slept a lot throughout the night. (Besides, that may just be when there is enough light for him so see her well.)
Adding in the hypnotism no longer working at all, and the number of times Mina's smile is mentioned. That's another very early!Dracula trait, where he is described smiling so very often. She's sleeping all day, awake all night. Even though she was awake during the night (very awake, very cheerful and alert) she couldn't write in her journal - and full vampires are always the other, the unknown, we never see their writing.
Mina may have drunk Van Helsing's blood tonight.
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Three revised outlines later, and Houses Full of Deceit has somehow turned into a combination of The Thirty-Nine Steps and The Three Hostages. I don’t know what to make of this ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
#nerissa rambles#WIP: deceit#also featuring: a character who was originally meant to be a minor villain in Like Snow on Hungry Graves#but was cut because I couldn't figure out how to fit him into the changed plot#who'd have thought he'd go from fantasy Georgia to 1918 Korea?
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in the land of snow and shadow 👀
As noted in the last ask, this is the sequel to Lost in Wonderland. I will give you a taste of what is to come, at the end of chapter 1:
Mei hesitates a final moment. She doesn’t know how this request will be taken, Alina deeply unnerves her in some way she can’t put her finger on, and she has always been well aware that Ivan and Fedyor – Ivan especially – were high-ranking and inner-circle confidantes of the late Darkling. It’s entirely possible that Alina, striving so hard to turn the page and start a fresh chapter in Ravkan and Grisha history alike, will not welcome this relic of the old regime rising from the grave, and would strongly prefer that he stayed there, but Mei has to work with what she has. “Their names are Ivan Sakharov and Fedyor Kaminsky, Your Majesty. They are both Heartrenders, and I believe they are well known to you and the entire Grisha order. We traveled together for a time, from Ahmrat Jen to Ketterdam, and then were separated in the course of several misadventures. But we were pursuing a deadly weapon, the one that was used against you at your own coronation. It is called jurda parem. If you help me find Ivan and Fedyor, I will tell you what I know about it.”
There is a very long, very fraught pause. Zoya and Genya exchange another glance behind the queen’s back, but have clearly already learned not to speak before she does. Alina’s eyes remain that same unsettling, hungry black, until she looks up like some predator raising its head and taking a long slow sniff of the air, whiffing the blood of wounded prey. “Indeed, Mei Kir-Azaan,” she says, and smiles. “I would very much like to take that bargain.”
#anonymous#ask#in the land of snow and shadow#sab ff#mad queen alina#of whom We Were Robbed#Doth Cometh#Ahem#wip tag game
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Let’s go home
18+
Summary: Joel doesn’t believe in werewolves until he realises one has been following him and Ellie.
Pairing: Joel miller x afab werewolf reader
Warnings: swearing, murder, blood, tlou violence, allusions to attempted SA (nothing detailed), mentions of sa, starvation, abuse,
Word count: 10204
Links: masterlist
You’re so hungry. You’re starving within your icy prison, your hands shackled with reinforced metal lined with wolfsbane to weaken you. These monsters think keeping you weak, making you rely on them to survive will make you subservient, like a dog that will do anything for mere scraps. They think they can train you, control you, keep a werewolf as their own personal guard dog. You will never let that happen.
You’re so hungry. You’re starving within your icy prison, your hands shackled with reinforced metal lined with wolfsbane to weaken you. These monsters think keeping you weak, making you rely on them to survive will make you subservient, like a dog that will do anything for mere scraps. They think they can train you, control you, keep a werewolf as their own personal guard dog. You will never let that happen.
Someday, maybe soon, you will be freed from the small shed they made your prison, and you will tear each and every one of them apart, they will never hurt another person again. These cannibals will regret the day they tried to tame a werewolf from their graves.
~~~~~
Outside of your little shed the wind howls and snow fogs the air, a powerful blizzard making it impossible to see more than a few feet out of the window. Smells and sounds are muffled by the frozen flakes of water, making it harder to smell or hear what’s going on outside your cell.
Some time ago you heard the cannibal’s new prisoner awaken, hours after they’d been brought in. A young girl: pissed off and scared as that monster David had offered her freedom and safety for sick twisted reasons. You couldn’t help but smirk as you heard her snap his finger, playing the sweet damsel then cursing him with all she had. You admired what you could hear of her bravery, though she was scared, she kept fighting with all she had.
Hurried footsteps and murmuring sounds outside your window pull you from the daze you’d fallen into, calls of ‘find the girl’ and ‘has anyone got sights?’ followed by the clicks of guns being prepped to shoot on sight. You breathe calmly as you try to listen for anything, praying to whatever deity that will listen, that she makes it out of this town alive.
The door in front of you creaks open slowly, one of the bastards peeking in to make sure you’re still chained to the wall. You sneer at him, pulling your chains as you glare daggers. He doesn’t react to your animosity though, just nods to himself, sure that you’re still secure. He goes to close it back up only for a blade to be jammed into his throat, his corpse to falling forward into the open doorway.
“Ellie?” a strange man whispers as he looks into your cell, disappointment and concern filling the older man’s features. “Have you seen a young girl?” he asks as he kneels down beside you to look at the shackles binding your wrists to the wall. He smells like forest, blood, sweat, and like he’s just getting over something really bad, a sickness. His beard and hair is littered with flecks of white, and small lines crease his forehead and around his deep brown eyes. Despite his clear age, this stranger looks good and something about him tells you that you can trust him, he’s not like the monsters that live in this town.
“No, but from what I heard she’s escaped. Don’t worry about me. You can’t get me out, David has the only key. Go help her.” You tell him. You’ve been locked up for so long, and these monsters have no intention of killing you, but that young girl is in imminent danger.
“I’ll come back for you.” he says quietly, glancing between you and the snowstorm outside. “what’s your name?”
“[Y/N]”
“I’m Joel. I promise I’ll come back for you”
“I believe you” you smile solemnly. It’s a lie of course, who in their right mind would come back to save a stranger when they need to take care of someone they actually care about? You know you’ll never see him again but as long as that little girl survives, you’re fine with those odds. Better them survive than no one.
For a moment guilt floods his eyes as he nods for having to leave you like this, taking one last look at you before dragging the corpse from the doorway and shutting the door behind him, disappearing into the blizzard.
Once again, you’re left alone in your freezing prison. Frowning as the scent of smoke seems to flow in with the snow. You hope Joel and Ellie will be okay.
~~~~~~
Joel’s POV
He’s not sure what compelled him to make such a promise to the woman chained up in the shed, the chances of going back to safely free her are slim to none. He was honestly not sure how she was even still alive. Her clothes were torn and barely there. There was no bedding to keep her warm and the window was wide open, allowing the snow to freely billow in. she mustn’t have been there very long.
Slowly he makes his way into the heart of the town, breaking down the door of the burning building at its centre. He struggles to see and breath as he scans the space, sure that Ellie is within the burning building. On the other side of the room, Ellie cries out as she slams a machete down on who he’s assuming is David’s head over and over.
he races to her side, pulling the girl from the bastard’s corpse as he tries to tell her she’s ok, holding her close as she cries and tries to find words for the horror she’s just endured. He wishes he’d been there for her sooner, his heart breaking for her as she panics. If he’d never been injured, she wouldn’t be going through this right now.
“let’s get out of here, ok?” he says, lifting her up to stand. Glancing down at the bloody corpse, he notices a set of keys attached to the belt, slowly getting enveloped by the oozing blood. “One second” he tells the girl, kneeling down the grab the keys from the body.
“Why do you want those?” Ellie sniffles, following Joel as he guides her from the burning building.
“there’s a woman locked up nearby, promised I’d come back for her once I got you.” he mumbles, making her duck down with him as a small group of armed men run toward the diner they’d just left. “Come on” he whispers, making his way back to the shed with Ellie safely beside him.
As he approaches the shed, he glances around, straining his eyes to try and see through the wall of snow spinning around the town. The blizzard is picking up so much snow, it’s nearly impossible to see if someone is nearby until they’re practically on top of you. Once he’s satisfied that it’s safe enough, he slowly pulls the door open once more.
[Y/N]’s shocked expression meets his eyes as he pulls Ellie in and closes the door, hoping he won’t get caught while his undoes her shackles.
“You actually came back…” she says, completely dumbfounded and watching him closely as he finds which key will free her.
“I said I would.” He huffs. “You said you believed me.”
“Yeah, but I didn’t actually believe you, are you insane?” she whispers incredulously “you’re putting yourself and the girl at risk for a stranger.”
“If I’d known you were here, I would have wanted to come back for you too.” Ellie says, watching out the window for movement.
“And I appreciate that, but he should know better.”
“Not very grateful are ya?” Joel murmurs as he finally gets the metal off her wrists. He frowns at how red and raw her wrists are, clearly having struggled against the binds for a while.
“Thank you” she whispers as he lifts her to her feet, his arm around her waist to hold her up. She barely weighs anything, and feels so weak in Joels arms, like she could be carried away by a small gust of wind. He can’t help but feel surprised at her strength as she pushes away from him, somehow standing on her own. “You should get her out of here” she says, stumbling a little into the door.
“What about you? you can’t go alone in this condition” he grabs her arm, stopping her from opening the door while he questions her. “you’re barely even dressed; you’ll freeze to death before you get anywhere.”
“I’m gonna try get some clothes, I just don’t want you to risk yourself more for me, I’ll only slow you down.” She explains “thank you for freeing me, you don’t have to worry about me anymore” she says, smiling at him as she pulls herself back from his grip, opening the door and disappearing into the blizzard.
“Shit, where’d she go?” Joel curses, looking around to try and spot her in the snow.
“At least you tried, Joel. We should go before we’re caught.” Ellie says, snapping Joel from his search. He knows better than to worry about someone who doesn’t want his help. Part of him was hoping the woman would come with him and help, hoping he’d have someone to watch out for Ellie if he fails. Maybe he’s just a sap for
“Yeah, let’s go” ducking low, he guides Ellie in what he hopes is the right direction out of this town.
Men and woman run through the blizzard with guns in their hands as they search for intruders. Joel and Ellie move with bated breath as they slip through buildings, trying to make their way to the outskirts of the town unseen. if they get caught now it will be all over, he’s sure the bastards will shoot on sight.
“I’m sure I saw two people come in here, the girl was one of them.” A voice echoes from the entrance of the building, followed by muffled footsteps onto the hard wood floor, making Joel curse.
He looks around the backroom of what used to be a store, trying to find a door or other way out. A window sits high up the wall, barely big enough for Joel to fit through, it will have to do. He gestures to the window, moving to help Ellie up through it.
“Be careful” he whispers, as he gives her the boost she needs to get through. The moment her boots hit the ground, he pushes himself through the window too, struggling to get through it due to his size.
He tries to muffle a groan as he lands heavily on the ground with his weapons digging uncomfortably into his side, the drop was much taller than he thought. As he tries to reorient himself, lifting himself to his knees, he freezes as the cool muzzle of a handgun is placed to his head. standing nearby, Ellie has her hands up as another man has a gun trained on her.
“I wouldn’t get up if I were you.” the bastard sneers, pressing the gun harder into Joel’s skull. “You and your little bitch have killed so many of our community. Our leader!”
“Maybe you shouldn’t have attacked us first” Joel growls, receiving the butt of the gun to his face for his defiance.
“Shut the fuck up! you’re gonna die for what you’ve done...”
“Murdoch!” the man with the gun is interrupted by a man running into the alley. “she’s out.” The newcomer says, horror plastered across his features.
“Shit! You four! find her before she gets the chance to shift!” the man, Murdoch, orders the people behind him before turning back to Joel, fear now painting his face as well. “You let her out, where is she?!”
“Don’t know who you’re talking about.” Joel grunts.
As Murdoch raises his gun back to Joel’s head, ready to execute him, screams sound out behind him.
One by one, the men and woman standing armed nearby disappear, a massive white wolf taking each one out and tearing them to shreds before a single shot can be made to take it out.
~~~~~~
[Y/N] POV
The moment you were out of Joel’s sight, you shifted, your body going from a frail starved woman to a massive if emaciated wolf. It was agony, shifting after months of being chained up and being refused the freedom to shift, apart from full moons where you had no choice. Longish white fur covers your body, finally giving warmth to your freezing skin. Your teeth are now sharp blades, primed for the tearing of flesh, and your fingernails are now claws digging into the dirt beneath the thick layer of snow.
Hunger churns your stomach as you spot your first victim. One of the regulars who guards your cell steps slowly down the street, checking down alleys and into buildings as he helps search for the fugitives within the town. you can hear his heart pounding in his chest, his fear echoing in your sensitive ears. He doesn’t even know you’re out, he’s afraid of Joel and Ellie. He doesn’t know that the danger he’s in has fangs.
With a predatory smile you duck low, moving toward him with the precision of a hunter. With each step your giant paws sink into the snow, the cold barely biting at your exposed paw pads. You keep down, freezing in place when his eyes cautiously glance around the street. Your white fur makes you almost invisible, and his eyes glance straight over you not registering the icy blue orbs staring him down hungrily.
Just a little closer. You think, watching each of his steps as he grows closer to you. almost… there with a growl you leap at him, relishing his horrified scream as you pin him to the ground and tear out his throat. Blood covers your bared fangs and muzzle. Red pours out into the snow, slowly melting and mixing with it.
“Shit! She’s out!” you hear from the direction of your cell “Murdoch!” you hear a man call, running in the opposite direction, away from you. You move to follow, sneaking through the snow toward the sounds of voices. Where he’s going the others will be. “Murdoch, she’s out” the man you’d heard says as he approaches the massive group. At the centre of the group, you’re upset to see your saviours kneeling with guns to their heads.
“Shit! You four! find her before she gets the chance to shift!” the man, Murdoch, orders the people behind him before turning back to Joel on his knees before the bastard. “You let her out, where is she?!” you hear him growl, fear lacing his voice as his heart races.
“Don’t know who you’re talking about.” Joel replies, glaring down at the barrel of the gun pointed to his head.
Throwing caution to the wind you leap into action, tearing these bastards down one by one. You leave no survivors as your teeth tear through their flesh, you don’t want to risk making one of them like you. shots fire in your direction as blood soaks into the snow, leaving deep red on the bright white. You dodge each bullet, panting with the effort it takes with how weak your body is after months of the bare minimum.
Slowly you whittle them down until Murdoch is the only one left standing, his hands shaking as he holds the gun up to you. Joel and Ellie back away from the man and from you, pressing themselves to the wall at the end of the alley, though they quickly realise the only way out is past you, the massive wolf.
“[Y/N], please, you can just go, be free again” he whimpers as he throws the gun to the ground, hoping you’ll show mercy to an unarmed man. “See I’m unarmed, please.” He cries as he puts his hands up to surrender. Instead of showing mercy though, you bark and growl, making him fall back as he tries to get away from you. you watch the realisation cross his face, after what they put you through, of course you’re not going to spare him, you’re not gonna leave survivors. he shuffles to try and grab his gun back but your paw lands on it before he can reach it. “please” he begs one last time as you stand tall over him, blood and spit dripping down onto his face.
You lower your face to his, tilting your head. in the blink of an eye you snap, latching your fangs around his throat and shaking your head till you hear his heart stop, with one final crunch you drop the corpse from your mouth, leaving him lying there to be covered by the snow.
Two heart beats are left ringing in your ears. You glance up at the two who’d freed you from your prison. Joel is watching you with fearful eyes, standing in front of Ellie with a blade in his had ready to defend her.
Cautiously you step over the corpse to approach them, trying to make yourself seem more submissive. You just want to thank him one last time for freeing you. you freeze as he waves the blade at you, trying to scare you off. At this point you’re sure that Murdoch calling you by your name hasn’t registered to Joel, his focus on protecting Ellie too strong to be able to connect the wolf before him and the frail woman he’d freed. Not that any logical adult would connect those dots anyway.
You step closer once more, but as Joel makes another attempt to scare you off, Ellie grabs his wrist stopping him from swinging at you. Her eyes are on you, watching the way you approach, timid and careful. “Wait, just… I don’t think she wants to hurt us.” She whispers as she steps around Joel.
“Ellie” the man warns as the girl reaches toward your fur covered face. While his blood pressure rises, hers calms as she realises much faster than Joel that you mean no harm to them. She flinches as her fingers initially touch your soft fur, but as you don’t react aside from a flick of your ear, she gets closer. Her hand sinks into your fur as she smiles at you.
“wow” she whispers.
The confusion on Joel’s face is clear. He’d just watched you tear apart about fifteen people, yet here you stand allowing the young girl to pet you. He tenses again as you hesitantly step toward him, but he doesn’t make a move to hurt you, so you step right up to him. you can feel his warmth as you press your forehead to his chest, your way of thanking him for freeing you.
“I think she likes you” Ellie snickers beside you.
With what you wanted to do finally done you step away from them, making your way back out of the alley way. You glance back at them one last time and make your way into the snowstorm.
~~~~~~
Joel’s POV
It’s been almost two months since what happened in the town filled with cannibals. Almost two months since they’d been saved by a giant wolf.
He keeps shooting down Ellie’s idea that the woman he’d saved, and the wolf were one in the same. It’s not possible. He’d thought it weird that the guy had called the wolf the same name as the woman but he’s sure he just misheard. Werewolves don’t exist.
Still, he can’t seem to bring himself to stop thinking about her and the wolf, the whole fucking experience really. He finds himself wishing she’d come joined him and Ellie on the search for the fireflies. At the same time, he’s glad she didn’t. He wonders if he’d have gotten attached to her, just as he’d gotten attached to Ellie. He’s not sure he can handle caring about another person only to lose them to the cordyceps.
He grunts as he lifts himself over another log, almost slipping on partially melted snow on the other side of it. “Shit. Careful” he tells Ellie, standing by to help as she climbs over the log after him.
It’s the early days of spring and the snow has already begun to melt, making the ground they step soft and muddy. Birds have started to reappear in the trees, returning from their migration, and more animals can be spotted in the undergrowth either side of the roads.
Now he guides the girl through the forest, the straightest route to a nearby town where he can try to find food and hopefully not more people. It’s not the safest path, but it’s supposedly the quickest according to the map. He curses a bunch as he almost slips again, regretting his choice to pass through the woods, especially when Ellie giggles at him almost falling over.
The snap of a stick up ahead catches his attention, and he freezes in place, making Ellie stop as well. He listens carefully for every sound, cursing his life choices.
“What’s going on?” the girl asks as he pulls her down behind a tree.
“Bear” he whispers.
Between the massive trunks of trees, a black bear sniffs and huffs, searching for food through the foliage. Joel grimaces as the creature grows closer to his chosen hiding place. He searches for a way to sneak away from it but he’s coming up blank. There’s no way. Maybe he can distract it?
As he tries to come up with a way to distract the bear to let Ellie get away and survive, the sound of snarls, roars, and barks break the silence in the forest. The bear grunts and growls as whatever entered its territory tries to take it down. He can’t tell which is winning but he knows either way escape is not promising.
He turns to check Ellie just to see her peek around the tree the see the animals fighting. “Ellie!” he chastises, pulling her back so the creatures can’t see her. “What?” he asks as she looks up at him with wide eyes.
“it’s her… it’s the wolf.” She whispers, and he can’t help but look around the tree at her words, trying to see.
The giant white wolf snaps and growls, trying to get at the throat of the bear. She doesn’t look as skinny as she was when he saw her two months ago in the alley way. She’s filled out a little and her fur looks more vibrant and far softer. She looks stronger and maybe even taller.
Has she been following him and Ellie this whole time? If she had, how had he not seen any sign of her till now? Surly a nearly seven-foot-tall wolf can’t hide that well? It makes him quite nervous that a giant apex predator had escaped his attention for nearly two months.
With a growl, the wolf finally got the upper hand, flipping the bear onto its back and sinking her teeth into its neck. the crack of the bears throat breaking in the vice grip echoes through the trees, somehow so loud.
Silence covers the area as the wolf remains latched to the throat of the bear, ensuring it is dead. The birds that had been singing in the treetops just moments ago have gone quiet, and Joel’s breathing seems so loud to him in the absence of sound.
He notices Ellie move beside him, and curses as she once again throws caution to the wind, approaching the giant wolf despite the potential danger of going near an animal big enough to kill a bear. Just because the wolf didn’t want to hurt her at the village, doesn’t mean she won’t eat her now.
“Ellie” he hisses, rolling his eyes as he follows her from cover to try and keep her away from the beast. “How many time I gotta tell you it’s not safe?” he growls, grabbing her wrist.
“I wanna try something.” She huffs “[Y/N]?” she calls to the wolf, the same name of the woman he had saved from chains and certain death. He realises what she’s doing and rolls his eyes. Instantly the wolf reacts, releasing the bear from her maw and turning to the sound with her ears perked upright and tail waving slowly. He’s sure it’s just reacting to the sound and not the name.
“Ellie, there’s no such thing as werewolves, it’s just reacting to the sound.” He says, watching as the creature looks at him, tilting its head. If he didn’t know better, he’d think it looked amused at his statement.
“Look she clearly doesn’t want to hurt us, what harm would it do if we at least tested my theory?”
“Well, it could change its mind any minute for one.” He glances at the girl, her face the picture of frustration and sadness. “Fine, but at the first sign of danger, I’m shooting it in the head.” he rolls his eyes, pulling his revolver from his belt.
~~~~~~~
[Y/N] POV
You had nowhere to go. Your family disappeared after you were bitten, thinking you were infected but unwilling to shoot you. you haven’t exactly had the chance to make friends, it’s a miracle you can talk to people at all. You’ve spent years solely in wolf form just because it’s easier to survive an apocalypse that way, you can escape infected and get food with little risk.
you’ve spent the last two months following Joel and Ellie, keeping out of sight as you weren’t sure how they’d feel about you being there. You’d been carrying a set of clothes in your mouth for miles so if it came to it, you could change back and reveal yourself. Unfortunately, when crossing a river, trying to follow after them, the clothes got soaked and froze solid making them impossible to carry further.
The moment you saw the bear approaching them, you leapt into action. Initially you wanted to scare it off, but it stood its ground, willing to fight for the land it has claimed. You snarled and snapped, aiming for its feet and throat, anything that would make it back down or die. It wouldn’t give in so eventually you made the decision to end it, barging into it to flip it over then sinking your canines into its jugular, holding it till you were sure it was dead.
You were kind of shocked when you heard Ellie call you by your name. you didn’t think she knew it.
Now though you sigh as Joel and Ellie argue. You can understand Joel not believing in werewolves, for your twenty something years of being alive you’ve only seen two, the one that turned you and you. and he seems to be on the older side. He’s too old to believe in fairy tales without proof. Ellie though is adamant; Joel doesn’t seem to grasp why she’s so sure.
As they go back and forth, not even looking at you, you start to write their names in the soft dirt by your paw. It’s the only thing you can think of to prove what you are, aside from shifting back into a human, but that ain’t happening without clothes. Once you’re done and you’re fairly sure you spelt them right, you sneeze, drawing their attention back to you and pointing at the writing in the dirt.
Joel stares in confusion at his name in the dirt, while Ellie cracks a massive grin, telling him about how she was right, and you really are a werewolf. The man struggles to come up with an excuse for his name crudely written in the dirt, glancing between you and the words.
You sit, tilting your head as Ellie celebrates her deduction skills, not that it was hard since that bastard Murdoch has said your name.
“If you’re really that woman, why don’t you go ahead and turn back?” Joel tries one last time to prove Ellie wrong, making her stop and huff.
You sigh as they look at you, curious for the answer. Standing you approach Joel, hesitantly grabbing the edge of his open green flannel with your front teeth then dropping it, hoping they’ll understand.
“She doesn’t have clothes!” Ellie exclaims.
“Yeah, I got that.”
“Maybe we can find something when we get to the town?” she offers, glancing to Joel for approval, rolling her eyes at his hesitation. “You still don’t believe, do you? what more do you need.”
“I’m working on it! I’m old, Ellie. it’s not as easy to just accept something like that.” He grunts.
“Well, if we find her clothes she can change back. Will you believe her then?”
“Yeah maybe.”
“Ok then! Let’s go!” she takes off in the direction they were originally headed, a massive grin on her face as Joel tries desperately to keep up.
You huff, glancing at the bear lying dead in the dirt. You do feel bad for killing it, all it wanted was food after months asleep, and you killed it. with a silent apology you follow the two towards the town.
~~~~~
You sniff around the outside of a dilapidated house, waiting for Joel or Ellie to bring you back clothes from inside. You would have gone in but you couldn’t fit through any of the doors, and you really didn’t feel like shifting back out in the open.
The scent of infected lingers, hidden in one of the houses nearby. You wonder if you should warn Joel but there’s no real way to do it without shifting back…
You hear the low whimpering of the infected moving closer and make the decision to shift. They need to know there’s infected nearby before they walk into a building full of them. Your body aches as you become human again, your body still not used to regular shifts again. You squeeze your eyes shut as you stumble into the side of the building, struggling to hold yourself up as you pant.
Moving forward on unsure feet, you walk to peek around the corner of the house. You can’t see what you can hear, the shuffling and weeping of infected getting closer. You race up the steps and quietly push the door shut behind you, peeking out the window beside it. Joel immediately has his revolver aimed at you before he realises it is actually you. His eyes go wide as he registers that you’re fully naked before him.
“[Y/N]?” he questions.
“there’s infected nearby. I didn’t see them but a could hear them.” You breathe, glancing at him as he moves closer to look out the window beside you, pulling off his flannel.
“How many?”
“I’m not sure but I don’t think there’s a lot of them, maybe like ten?”
“Can you tell how far away they are?” he asks, handing you his warm flannel.
“Um yeah.” You mumble. You close your eyes and focus on the sounds as you pull on his flannel. His scent is distracting and strong, but you focus on the sounds instead of how amazing he smells. “they’re close maybe a few houses away.” You frown in confusion. “it’s muffled though, as if they aren’t up here but, in a basement… but they’re getting closer… I don’t understand.”
You look up at him, standing closer than you realised. He’s watching you closely, frowning as he thinks over your words. His eyes shift to the basement door down the hallway, before moving back to you with a realisation you’re not sharing.
“Go up and get Ellie, shut yourselves in one of the rooms.”
“What are you gonna do?”
“I’m gonna check the basement. Early on survivors dug tunnels between the basements of their house and their neighbours, thinking it would make it easier to hide and escape.” He explains, guiding you to the stairs. “I think there might be a survivor tunnel system under the town.”
“Why not just leave before they find a way up?” you question, your instinct to run kicking in.
“it’s getting dark, and we need a place to sleep.” He tells you and you glance to the window at the top of the stairs, showing the sun setting in the distance.
“I can help.” You offer.
“Not while you’re naked you can’t” he glances down, his heart rate increasing as his eyes take in more of your body than he intended. “Just go up and be quite ok” he whispers, not allowing argument as he sends you up the stairs.
“Ellie” you call out quietly as you enter the upstairs hallway. Five doors are scattered through the corridor a couple wide open, and the rest closed. “Ellie?” you call again stepping into the first bedroom, looking around the space.
The curtains across the room are torn and faded. Dust and mould cover the surfaces, climbing up the walls, across the bed, and the side tables, everything is covered in filth. The drawers and closet are open, trinkets scattered across the floor after being rifled through. You quickly make your way to the next room, only to notice Ellie isn’t there either.
“Ellie!” you hiss loudly, still trying not to be too loud.
“[Y/N]?” she questions loudly, opening the door at the end of the hallway, a small pile of clothes in her arms.
“Shhhhh!” you tell her, pushing her back into the room and closing the door. “There’s infected nearby. Joel is checking it out, thinks there might be tunnels connecting the basements of all the houses.”
“We should go help him” she says, dropping the clothes and making a move for the door.
“no. I know you’re immune and all, but that doesn’t mean they can’t kill you.” you tell her, grabbing her arm to stop her.
“What… how?” she stares at you wide eyed.
“Wolves have good senses of smell.” You shrug, grabbing the clothes from the ground where Ellie dropped them. “He said to wait up here and stay quiet.” You explain, pulling on the pants and fastening them as tight as you can. “I know you want to help him, but he’ll be fine. He’ll probably just find something to block it so they can’t get through. Hopefully.” You mumble, removing Joel’s flannel and pulling a surprisingly large ACDC shirt over your head to replace it. you’re not sure what an ACDC is but it looks cool enough.
Ellie had found a big sweater for you as well but part of you wants to continue wearing Joels flannel. It smells so good, and you’re not even sure why.
“What if he needs help?”
“I’ll know.” You turn to her “I’ll be able to hear if he needs us. Though I think you’ll be more help to him than me.” you muse, glancing at the bow on her back.
“Well, you could always, y’know, wolf out.” The girl shrugs as she sits on the beds.
“I can’t bite them. I’ll get infected if I do.” You huff, sitting next to her, holding Joel’s flannel in your lap.
“Oh… I’d hoped that… well with what you are, I hoped you’d be immune too.” She pauses “how do you know? That you’d get infected”
“I just do. I have better instincts than some, I can feel it… do you ever feel fear that you can’t explain? Then a little while later something bad happens and you realise, that was why. ‘I knew and I let it happen’… whenever I can so much as smell them, I get a chill down my spine and the urge to run until I’m sure they’re far enough away. Even now…” you breathe “even now I am fighting every bone in my body to stay put. Normal humans have it easier, I think. I’ve rarely seen instincts take over a person as they do me.” As you explain, you listen to Joel in the basement, stepping quietly as he moves down the tunnel.
You sit in silence as Ellie thinks about her next line of questioning, listening to the infected shuffling closer still. They sound almost close enough to be right where Joel is. You hear one of the creatures drop, then another, and another. Slowly you hear Joel whittle down the infected, somehow avoiding getting caught in such a tight space. You can hear his breaths and his heartbeat, the flow of blood and gurgling of dying infected. Eventually everything but Joel falls silent in the space under ground.
“why’d you follow us?” Ellie asks, breaking the silence and your focus on Joel.
“Had nowhere else to go. Took Joel saving me as an open invitation.” You joke, and she chuckles at your words. “my family left me after I got bit, think it was infected despite me clearly saying it was a wolf. Couldn’t think of anything better to do.” You sigh “Sounds like Joel has dealt with the infected.” You tell her as you hear the man moving things in front of the tunnel, the heavy grinding sound hurting your ears.
“you’re so cool” she says as she gets up, making you smile. You follow her down the stairs and into the basement, stepping hesitantly into the darkness.
“Need any help moving that?” you ask as you see Joel struggling with a particularly heavy metal chest.
“Thought I told you to wait” he huffs, taking a breath as he glares at you and Ellie coming down the steps.
“Heard you get them all” you shrug as you approach him, gently giving him his flannel. Leaning down you grab the handles of the chest.
“Careful it’s heavy…. woah” he warns, going speechless as you lift it like it weighs nothing. You wink at him, smirking as you go to put it in front of the partially covered tunnel.
“Ellie.” You say, noticing her in your way staring down the tunnel. The moment she moves away, you drop the chest atop the other item, watching as it bows from the weight. “Sure it’s a good idea to make it impossible to escape this way?”
“I’m sure if it comes down to it, you’ll be able to just push it all aside. You seem to be rather strong, darlin’” he comments, looking at you in a way you’re not sure you’ve seen before. “let’s just get some rest.” He clears his throat, disappearing up the stairs without another word.
“I think he likes you” Ellie whispers, smirking as she follows the man.
You tilt your head, considering her words. he likes me? What does she mean by that? You shrug and follow her up.
~~~~~~
The night is colder than the last few, making snow fall for the first time in weeks. Fire burns brightly in the fireplace as you watch out the window, listening out for infected within the sounds of the night. Ellie snores lightly, wrapped in the few blankets you found that didn’t smell awful.
You feel Joel’s eyes on you from time to time, watching you between moments of tending the fire. you can hear his heartbeat changing as he seems to run through different thoughts. You can smell when his thoughts go in a specific direction, and though it’s not a positive smell to you after years of attempts to hurt you, you know Joel would never touch you without permission.
“How old are you?” Joel asks, finally breaking the silence filling the room.
You glance at him, trying to remember the answer. “I’m not sure to be honest… I can’t remember how old I was when everything happened… trauma tends to block memories.” You sigh. “don’t even remember my birthday… no point keeping track during an apocalypse I guess.” You say, staring back out the window. “How about you? did you keep track?”
“Hmmm fifty somethin’ I think.” He chuckles.
“Looking good for fifty.” You smirk though you don’t look back at him, pretending you don’t notice how much he liked you saying that. “Sooo, where have we been heading?” you question.
“Salt Lake City.” He answers bluntly.
“Ok”
“Not gonna ask why?”
“Would you tell me?”
“Probably not” he chuckles.
“As long as you’re willing to have me” you turn to him with a gentle smile. “Then I’ll follow you anywhere.” You may not have much, but loyalty you have in droves. He saved you so you’re willing to give him your loyalty, if he wants it. you’ve been a lone wolf for so long, maybe you can be a part of a group again. A wolf survives better in a pack.
~~~~~~~
The late spring sun warms the air as you walked down the crumbling highway with Joel and Ellie. Burnt out and rusted cars line the roads, overgrown with weeds and the beginning of trees. The wind ruffled through your hair and tickled your skin, carrying with it the scent of flowers and pollen.
Your bare feet tapped rather loudly against the tar as you walk, irritating Joel to no end. He tried to find shoes for you, but most were degraded beyond use, and the rest you hated. You’ve spent so long without shoes that the feeling of wearing them is agony.
Their goal is so close now, Joel had pointed it out from the road. just a couple hours walk, and you’ll find the fireflies. It would be less if the roads weren’t crumbled and in ruins.
“Ellie” you hear Joel call out, though the girl doesn’t respond. She’s more quiet than usual, lost in thought on the final stretch of her journey. He’s leaning against the wall to ready give her a boost so she can hand the ladder down, but instead she sits on the bench, looking at the ground and unable to focus on anything but her mind.
“You ok, Ellie?” you call out to her from where you stand, your hands searching in a random duffle you’d found.
“Uh yeah, I’m ok” she replies, her eyes shooting up to you then glancing to Joel when you gesture to him with your head. “Oh… yeah” she sighs, going to help him.
“Why do I keep finding clothes way too big for me?” you mumble to yourself as you pull the stuff from the duffel. Your attention shoots up as the ladder Ellie was meant to pass down clatters to the ground at Joel’s feet, the young girl racing off out of view. “where’s she going?”
“I don’t know.” His deep voice grumbles as he places the ladder against the ledge, racing up it to follow her. You can hear her calling excitedly, running through the building as she follows whatever it is she saw.
An unfamiliar scent of an animal fills your nose, following the breeze that drifts through the ruins. You follow some distance behind Joel, slightly amused as he tries to get the girl to slow down. All of the thoughts distracting Ellie seemingly disappears as she follows whatever she saw through the building.
They finally come to a halt at a hole in the side of the building, a giraffe munching on leaves through the gap. You watch as Joel steps closer to the animal, his hand out to pet it. Ellie is awestruck, you can practically see stars in her eyes as she stares at the beautiful creature.
“You want to pet it?” Joel asks you when he notices you by the doorway, keeping your distance.
“it’ll run if I come closer. A prey animal knows a predator when it sees one, even if it hasn’t dealt with one before.” You sigh, leaning against the doorframe. He pauses for a moment to watch you, and you wonder what’s going through his head to create the little smile he gives you.
You follow in silence as Joel and Ellie talk about what’s been on her mind. Ellie has told you so much about their journey before they found you, the good and the bad, and now she just hopes it won’t be for nothing. As much as you’d like to tell her it won’t be, that surely everything has to work out, it’s not your job.
You’ve found yourself caring about them more and more over these past weeks, your attachment growing with each day. You wonder if they feel the same, if they care about you as much as you care about them. You want to protect them, hunt for them, you’d follow them into hell if you had to. You hope they’ll let you.
You listen as Ellie hands Joel a piece of paper saying she stole it from someone, a photo of him and his daughter. You find yourself hoping that one day he’ll tell you about it.
~~~~~
“Well, that doesn’t look safe.” you comment sarcastically as you stare at the water rushing through the tunnel, the current way too strong for anything to handle. “I can’t swim… just so we’re clear.” Here you thought the mix of runners, clickers, and bloaters were gonna be the worst this tunnel had to offer.
“Neither” Ellie frowns.
“It’s fine. just follow me and be careful.” Joel says as he jumps onto the first truck, wobbling a little as he tries not to fall.
You curse in your mind over and over as you follow behind Ellie, trying to not pay attention to how fast the water is moving just a few metres below you. As you jump up onto the ventilation shaft, you breath shakily. You absolutely hate this and never want to do any of it again.
The bus shakes as Ellie jumps down onto it but stays in place much to your relief. It’s when Joel lands on it that the problem occurs. His weight makes it shift more and it starts to move with the current.
“Run!” he yells to Ellie, rushing her to the other side and pushing her up onto the catwalk before the bus moves fully, leaving you trapped on the ventilation.
“Joel!” you and Ellie shout as the same time as he falls into the bus as it careens down the tunnel, water rushing in around him. You can barely hear him fighting for his life over the roaring river, trying to get out of the bus before it kills him. “Ellie don’t!” you shout again, your words falling on deaf ears as she jumps onto the moving bus to free the trapped man.
You don’t know what to do. You can’t swim, especially not against these currents. You don’t have enough space to be able to make the jump across, if the thing you’re standing on can even handle you trying.
“Ellie!” you scream as the bus slams against the debris under the water, sending her flying in. you throw caution to the wind, making the leap and hoping instincts will kick in as you land in the water.
Instantly you get pushed by the river, almost crashing headfirst into the bus. You try to hold your breath as you look through the windows of the vehicle. You can see Joel on the other side, swimming toward Ellie where she floats unconscious and unmoving.
With all your strength you punch out the window, the sharp glass cutting your hand as it shatters. You fight your way through and do your best to make it to Joel.
You’re honestly not sure how but you made it, coughing and spluttering as you drag your way up beside Joel and Ellie. “Joel” you cough, fighting for breath. “Is she ok?”
“Come on Ellie, wake up.” He pleads, pressing on her chest over and over.
As you try to ask how you can help, a sharp pain reverberates through the back of your head, and the world goes black.
~~~~~~
“Who’s the woman in the other room?” is the first thing you hear as you start to come to. A woman’s voice barely muffled by the wall between rooms.
“a friend” you hear Joel groan. “Take me to Ellie”
“You don’t have to worry about her anymore” the woman tells him. You move to go to them, but your hand stays put, locked with a set of handcuffs to the bed. you notice a man in the doorway of your room, his back to you but a gun in his hands ready to shoot you, if need be. You glare at him as you test the cuffs, it wouldn’t be hard for you to get out of the cuffs and get past him, but you remain calm, listening to Joel down the hallway.
“I worry.” He snaps before taking a breath. “Please, just let me see her.”
“You can’t” she sighs, her voice wavering “she’s being prepped for surgery.”
“The hell do you mean, surgery?” he questions as his irritation with the woman grows.
“The doctors tell me the growth inside has somehow mutated.” She explains “it’s why she’s immune. Once they remove it, they’ll be able to reverse engineer a vaccine. A vaccine!”
“But it grows all over the brain.” Joel says. Your heart sinks at the understanding. You didn’t really know how any of it worked… your parents never told you…
“It does” she replies solemnly. She sounds like she’s genuinely upset, almost as upset as Joel. But she also sounds like she’s resigned to it, heartbroken but choosing the greater good.
“Find someone else” Joel demands.
You decide now is when to break free from your cuffs, snapping the section around your wrist with little effort and as quietly as you can. You watch the man as he shifts on the spot facing away from you, completely unaware that you’re loose.
“There is no one else.”
“Listen, you’re gonna show me where…” you hear Joel say, getting cut off as someone hits him, sending him to his knees.
“stop” she orders the man as you hear the click of a gun. The man guarding your room is watching off to the right, where everything is happening. But with him watching that, he’s not watching you. “I get it. but whatever it is you think you’re going through right now is nothing to what I have been through. I knew her since she was born. I promised her mother that I’d look after her…”
“Then why are you letting this happen?” he growls.
“Because this isn’t about me! Or even her. There is no other choice here!”
“Yeah, you keep telling yourself that bullshit.” He snarls.
“March him outta here. Make him carry the woman if she’s still out. If they try anything, shoot them.” You hear the woman order. “don’t waste this gift.” She says, followed by her steps disappearing down the hallway.
“Get up” the man demands “I said get up. Go on move.” You hear their steps move out into the hallway. “I said… move. Go on. Give me an excuse.” The man warns.
“Which way?” you hear Joel ask.
“Your bitch is in that room.” he replies, though Joel only walks a few steps. “What the fuck are you doing? Keep walking.” The man threatens. The guy in front of you shifts nervously as he watches down the hall, ready to help the other man if he needs and you feel the buzz through your body as you ready yourself to take him down in a moments’ notice. “Keep walking!”
Your moment arrives as you hear a gunshot sound out through the corridor. You don’t even give the man before you a second to move, snapping his neck before he can even think. You watch as he collapses to the ground, and step over his corpse without care. The two men in the hallway stare at you, though Joel recovers from the distraction quickly.
“Where is the operating room?” Joel questions the man as you approach. Stubbornly though the man stays silent. “I ain’t got time for this” he growls, shooting the man in his dick. “Where?” he doesn’t answer, receiving another shot. “Where!!!?” he roars.
“Top floor.” He whimpers “the far end.”
“We need to go.” Joel tells you, grabbing his bag and handing you yours.
“Are you sure this is what she’ll want?” you ask him, holding the straps of your bag unsure.
“Are you with me or not?” he glares at you.
“I’m with you Joel, for as long as you want me.” You tell him quietly, stepping closer to him. “Whatever you think is best, I’ll follow you. I’m just making sure you understand what you’re about to do.” You whisper.
You can hear his heart racing along with yours, and you swear his eyes glance to your lips.
“Gunshots! Search the floor!” you hear someone call out, making Joel pull back from you.
“Shit” he hisses, pulling you into one of the central rooms. You start pulling off your clothes, shoving them into your backpack as he watches the movements of the armed men and women in the corridor. “Ok we- what are you doing?” he hisses when he glances back to you, noticing you completely nude.
“Whatya think?” you scoff in amusement, zipping up your bag. “Can this fit in yours? I’d rather not have to go looking for clothes again”
He nods, hastily taking the pack and shoving it into his. You grunt and pant as you start to shift, and you can see him watching you in awe as your human form gives way to the massive white wolf. He smirks at you as you stand to your full height, four paws against the tiled floor.
“let’s go save Ellie.”
~~~~~
You tore apart anyone who got in Joel’s way, listening to them scream in horror as you mauled them, their blood spilling across the floors. The men screamed wolf as they ran through the hallways away from you. you ensured Joel was safe as he kept low, taking out men with shivs to their throats.
As you take out the last one, Joel races into the operating room.
“Doctor!” you here one of the people in the room shout, staggering away.
“What are you doing in here?” another demands, and you can see him trying to get between Joel and Ellie. “I won’t let you take her. This is our future. Think of all the lives we’ll save.” The man says, grabbing a scalpel and aiming it at Joel. You squeeze yourself through the door, rising to your full height behind Joel, towing over him and snarling at the man threatening Joel. The eyes of the people in the room go wide and the man with the blade stumbles back in horror. “What the fuck is that?”
Slowly stepping forward, Joel yanks the blade from the man and elbows him in the face, making him crumble to the ground like a sack of meat. In the corners, the other two whimper, staring at the monster before them. You bare your teeth to them, your blood covered muzzle spelling out what it means to make a move against Joel right now. The man who held the knife doesn’t move as he breathes quietly, lying on the ground. You sniff and nudge him to make sure he’s out and he doesn’t respond.
“Shit. Time to go.” Joel tells you as he lifts Ellie into his arms, noticing moving lights down the corridor that you’d come from.
He pushes through the opposite door and starts running, trying to find the way out. To the left and right the fireflies approach, taking shots as you and Joel run through the hospital. You yelp as you take a shot to the side, but you keep running, tearing apart any firefly that gets too close to Joel and Ellie.
“Run [Y/N]!” he shouts as he makes it into the elevator. Your paws slide against the smooth floor as you skid to a halt into the tight space, taking way too much space, the door shutting tight and almost squishing your tail.
You lean heavily against the wall of the elevator as you shift back, grimacing at the pain in your side as the bullet moves between your ribs. Blood trickles down your side but you ignore it, focusing instead on the two in front of you.
“Is she ok?” you ask him as you press your hand to the wound, and move toward him, grabbing your bag out of his.
“She will be” he whispers, finally looking at you as he catches his breath. “you’ve been hit” his eyes widen, noticing the blood pouring down your side as you pull on the clothes. He moves to help but knows he can’t with Ellie in his arms.
“I’ll be fine. I heal fast” you draw a shaky breath.
The elevator dings as it reaches the bottom floor, and the doors open to reveal a car and a woman beside it.
“Stay behind me” Joel mumbles as he presses the emergency button, and steps out of the elevator, approaching the woman.
“You can’t save her.” The woman starts, slowly moving forward with a gun in her hand. “Even if you get out of here, then what? How long before she’s torn to pieces by a pack of clickers?” she says, sadness to her words. “That is if she hasn’t been raped and murdered first. Do you think this is what she’d choose compared to that?” she switches her attention to you, hidden behind Joel.
“That ain’t for you to decide” the man in front of you growls, blocking her view of you.
“it’s what she’d want. And you know it…” she says, an understanding to her words. she steps toward him, pointing the gun away. “You can still do the right thing here. She won’t feel anything.” For a moment silence falls over the space as she gives him a moment to choose, you can hear his heart in his chest, and though you can tell what he’s about to do, it doesn’t prepare you.
You jump as the silence is broken with a gunshot and the woman drops to the ground, whimpering in pain, blood seeping away from her. You follow Joel’s directions as he eases Ellie into the back seat, getting into the passenger side. you both stay silent as he starts the car up and peels out of the underground parking lot.
~~~~~
“You can ease up Joel” you breathe, watching the trees and destroyed cars pass by outside, surfing your hand through the wind. “They aren’t following. Ellie will question why we’re going so fast.” Your words make him slow the vehicle and loosen his grip on the steering wheel.
You’ve seen the world moving fast beside you before, but it feels different like this. As your paws bound against dirt and cement alike, you’ve moved at breakneck speeds, the wind brushing through your fur. The first time you felt that it was the best thing you’d ever felt. This is different, sitting with Joel in the front seat of the car, watching the world go by, and listening as his heart beats a rhythm with yours. you don’t have to do a thing to feel this with him.
You can feel Joel’s eyes glancing at you as if he wants to say something, shifting uncomfortably as he tries to find the words and focus on the road. the girl in the backseat shifts in her sleep, and Joel glances to see her in the rear-view mirror, checking if she is waking.
“I won’t tell her.” You start, finally turning your gaze from the open window to look at the man beside you. “that’s what you were gonna ask, right?” you ask, his silence all the answer you need.
“Thank you…” he mumbles after a few minutes. “I knew you wouldn’t” he sighs before pulling off to the side of the road and turning off the car. “Are you sure you want to come with us to Jackson? You’ll have to keep this lie if you come with us.”
“I think I’ve given my response to this twice before.” You smirk, turning your body toward him, leaning your shoulder against the seat.
“Oh well I think I’m gonna need to hear it again.” He hums.
“I’ll follow you, for as long as you want me.” You whisper.
As the words leave your mouth his hand cups your jaw pulling you to him, his finger lacing in your hair. his lips are soft as they press against yours, and he hums into your mouth. His hand is so warm against your cheek, and his touch is so gentle. He smiles as he presses his forehead to yours, basking in the moment.
You’ve never had anything like this. This amazing feeling in your heart.
“let’s go home.” He whispers into your lips, smiling to himself as he pulls away and starts the car up once more.
You don’t know what future Jackson has to give, but as long as you’re by Joel’s side, you think everything will work out fine.
A/N: this is quite a long fic, but I hope my fellow Joel lovers enjoy it! Put a gif of tv and game Joel so ya'll can picture the one you prefer 😉 Remember, like and reblog to share the love!!
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FFXIVwrite 2023 - 21 Grave
Coerthan mornings were beautiful. Something about the frosty air was so clear and pristine. The sun would gleam as it came over the mountains and reflect off the snow, casting everything in the most regal light. Thyn'a would watch for hours if the moment were not so fleeting, but the moments were as many things in life. Ephemeral.
Thyn'a's steady gait took her from Camp Dragon head past Witch's Drop and up Providence Point. Though she enjoyed the cooler weather, she wore a heavier garb than usual today. It was a gleaming steel mail, over a beautiful uniform in her favorite icy blue, accented and lined with a lovely downy fur. She didn't get bothered by the chill easily, so to her it felt that she were overdressed, but no stranger that she passed would have known that the outfit was anything special. She however hoped that it would impress a friend she was going to see.
Her sword was at her belt and her shield at her back polished and sparkling. Not her most proficient weapons, but ones Thyn'a had become proud to wield.
In the Roegadyn's hands she bared the most precious gift, a verdant bouquet, wrapped in delicate paper. The handsome white arums were holding up quite well all considered. Thyn'a smiled as she looked at them for just a moment before returning her attention to the route ahead.
The path up to Steel Vigil was blessedly clear. No ogres, no hungry wolves or aevis. Just Thyn'a and her footsteps crunching in the snow below. She noted there was another path from someone that had braved the fresh snowfall, and she wondered who and where this other person was.
Ishgard slowly came into view over the hill as she continued on, it's majesty never failing to impress her no matter how many times she saw it. It looked like a diamond floating amongst the shimmering snowcaps. In the past it had felt looming and out of reach but now, she thought that it looked like one of the heavens.
The Mark of the Lover obscured the other visitor, but her eyes trailed the footprints as they disappeared just around it. She slowed her pace, a small prayer to Mephina whispered under her breath as her destination came into sight.
Ser Haurchefant's shield rested against the small stone, a monument far too small for such a great man. There was another fresh bunch of flowers besides it, and now that her sight was no longer obstructed she could see who it was that made the early trip before her.
"Good morning Lord Francel." Thyn'a spoke as he turned and noticed her, offering a smile that had a hard time reaching her eyes.
"Lady Sindyrl. It is good to see you well." Francel's young handsome face was warm despite the cold. He rose from the knee he had taken, and welcomed her.
"I'm sorry to interrupt, I hope you will not mind sharing my company for a bit. I've brought him flowers too." Thyn'a gave the Elezen man's shoulder a pat and a squeeze as she made to lay her flowers next to the ones he'd left. she brushed some of the snow from the stone, and kneeled respectfully.
"Of course not, It brings me peace to see someone else visit." Francel still smiled, but his words were bitter sweet.
Thyn'a nodded and said no more. She was grateful to share the quiet with the son of house Haillenarte. They both owed Haurchefant everything and more.
"It never gets any easier does it?" Francel's question was so soft it was almost lost to the aether.
Thyn'a peeked at him from the corner of her eye, and shook her head, closing her eyes.
By the time the sun had risen to the middle of the sky Thyn'a had found herself and her thoughts alone. Francel had excused himself a while after her arrival. She offered to walk him back, but he politely declined insisting that she should have some time alone.
And so Thyn'a prayed and told Lord Haurchefant of all the journeys she'd had since her last visit to the grave. She told him how he had inspired her to take up the sword and shield and that she'd gotten rather good at it. She hold him of her journeys on the star and beyond. She told him that she wished she'd been as strong as she was now back then.
Thyn'a let a heavy breath out of her mouth and watched as the vapor danced away into the air.
"No, it doesn't get easier." Thyn'a spoke breathlessly, somehow managing a smile for her friend even as she fought off the deepest despair. A lone tear managed to escape and disappear into the snow below.
"It weighs heavy as it should."
#ffxiv#final fantasy xiv#final fantasy#roegadyn#femroe#roegadame#ff14#final fantasy 14#female roegadyn#Francel#francel de haillenarte#haurchefant#haurchefant greystone#haurchefant fortemps#haurchefant de fortemps#Coerthas#heavensward spoilers#FFXIVwrite#ffxivwrite2023#ffxiv fic
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Writeblr of the Month: March 2023
@talesofsorrowandofruin
Basics
Nerissa McCormick (she/her) is a 24 year old British writer that has been on Tumblr since 2018, but has been writing since she was 10 years old.
Aside from Tumblr, you can find her in:
Fiction Press
Wattpad
AO3
RoyalRoad
Her work
Her WIPs are the following:
a. The Power and The Glory: [intro] a steampunk high-ish fantasy story about an unknown necromancer and how they are a threat to the kingdom. Books 1-4 available on Wattpad.
Content and Trigger Warnings: violence, zombies, major and minor character death, offscreen rape and child abuse, abusive relationships.
b. Tontentanz: [intro] a young adult science-fantasy story about an arrogant teacher, an unwanted pupil, a time-loop and an impeding alien invasion. Books 1 and 2 available in the sites linked above.
Content and Trigger Warnings: violence, major character death.
c. Like Snow on Hungry Graves: [intro] a fantasy horror steampunk YA story about arranged weddings, deceptions of an illegitimate son forced to take the place of his step-brother and a stranger with the mission to hunt a sea-monster. Book 1 available in the sites linked above.
Content and Trigger Warnings: emotional and psychological abuse, an adult preying on a minor.
d. The Unfortunate Moth: [intro] a Poirot-inspired murder mystery setted in an alternate 1915 about a detective trying to find the assasin of Rachael Patton-Langdale on an ocean-liner before two days, or they will take Phil, the number once suspect, innocent or not.
Content and Trigger Warnings: violence, major character death, period-typical racism.
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Her favorite thing about her WIPs is: The world-building for the fantasy WIPs, and the historical research for the mystery one.
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Nerissa is okay with receiving both asks and being tagged in tag games.
She is also okay with receiving feedback and comments on her work. Specially in the posts that comform her tag games and the intros of the WIPs, posted above.
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Thank you so much for participating! If you want to participate in this event, click HERE. if you want to be tagged on this monthly posts, please send an ask saying so!
#event: wotm#event: writeblr of the month#wotm: march 2023#talesofsorrowandofruin#writers of tumblr#writeblr of the month
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GOOD OMENS SPOILERS AHEAD !!!!!
I made another playlist ehehe
Crowley's Breakup Mix
I made a list of all the songs and the most important lyrics:
Denial
“It’s A Hard Life” – Queen
I don't want my freedom / There's no reason for living with a broken heart / It's a hard life / To be true lovers together / To love and live forever in each others hearts / It's a long hard fight / To learn to care for each other
“Cool About It” – Boygenius
But we don't have to talk about it / I can walk you home and practice method acting / I'll pretend being with you doesn't feel like drowning / Telling you it's nice to see how good you're doing / Even though we know it isn't true
“Moon Song” – Phoebe Bridgers
You are sick, and you're married / And you might be dying / But you're holding me like water in your hands / When you saw the dead little bird, you started crying / But you know the killer doesn't understand
“I Want Someone Badly” – Jeff Buckley
Now I want someone badly / To burn in here with me / Better listen baby / 'Cause I cry all over madly / Don't do anything to it with me / Ooh I wanna know / Am I sure that I have your love / I want know / If you're leaving just make sure it's right
Anger
“Too Much Love Will Kill You” – Queen
I'm just the pieces of the man I used to be / Too many bitter tears are raining down on me / I'm far away from home and I've been facing this alone / For much too long / Torn between the lover and the love you leave behind / You're headed for disaster, 'cause you never read the signs / Too much love will kill you every time
“Drink” – Destroy Boys
Heavens send someone down / I'm about to turn this confession to a smoke cloud / Who put me here it's hard to say / Nails bleed as I claw out of the grave / She understands me like you did / She really loves me / I'm a saint living in sin / She really loathes me / She really loves me
“Vampire Empire” – Big Thief
I see you there rejecting all your earthly power / Protecting and dissecting 'til you've emptied every hour / I wanted to be your woman, I wanted to be your man / I wanted to be the one that you could understand / I walked into your dagger for the last time in a row / It's like trying to start a fire with matches in the snow / Well, you can't seem to hold me here, you can't seem to let me go / You wanna be with me, you wanna be with him
“Letter To An Old Poet” – Boygenius
You think you're a good person / Because you won't punch me in the stomach / And I love you / I don't know why / I just do / You don't know me / I wanna be happy / I'm ready / To walk into my room without looking for you / I'll go up to the top of our building / And remember my dog when I see the full moon / I can't feel it yet / But I am waiting
“Salt In The Wound” – Boygenius
You put salt in the wound / And a kiss on my cheek / You butter me up / And you sit down to eat / You add insult to injury / You say you believe in me / But you haven't decided / About taking or leaving me / Neck full of mockingbirds / All calling your name / I tried to sing it all back / Like I heard it, it don't sound the same / I'm gnashing my teeth / Like a child of Cain
“Francesca” – Hozier
Do you think I'd give up / That this might've shook the love from me / Or that I was on the brink / How could you think darling I'd scare so easily? / Now that it's done / There's not one thing that I would change / My life was a storm / Since I was born / How could I fear any hurricane? / If someone asked me at the end / I'll tell them put me back in it / Darling, I would do it again
Bargaining
“Lover, You Should've Come Over” – Jeff Buckley
Broken down and hungry for your love with no way to feed it / Where are you tonight, child you know how much I need it / Too young to hold on and too old to just break free and run / So I'll wait for you and I'll burn / Will I ever see your sweet return / Oh will I ever learn / Oh lover, you should've come over / 'Cause it's not too late
“Dreamers Ball” – Queen
Oh, take me, take me, take me / To the dreamer's ball / I'll be right on time and I'll dress so fine / You're gonna love me when you see me / I won't have to worry / You make my life worthwhile / With the slightest smile / Or destroy me with a barely perceptible whisper / Gently take me remember I'll be dreaming of my baby
“Shrike” – Hozier
I couldn't utter my love when it counted / Ah, but I'm singing like a bird 'bout it now / And I couldn't whisper when you needed it shouted / I had no idea on what ground I was founded / All of that goodness is going with you now / Then when I met you, my virtues uncounted
“Silver Springs” – Fleetwood Mac
Time cast its spell on you, but you won't forget me / I know I could have loved you, but you would not let me / I'll follow you down 'til the sound of my voice will haunt you / You'll never get away from the sound of the woman that loved you
Depression
“From Eden” – Hozier
Honey, you're familiar like my mirror years ago / Idealism sits in prison, chivalry fell on its sword / Innocence died screaming, honey, ask me I should know / I slithered here from Eden just to sit outside your door
“Your Best American Girl” – Mitski
You're the sun, you've never seen the night / But you hear its song from the morning birds / Well, I'm not the moon, I'm not even a star / But awake at night I'll be singing to the birds
“How I get Myself Killed” – Indigo De Souza
Did you say anything on the night of my first hit / On the night of my first kiss / On the night of my first runaway / Something must be up, I have never felt so dumb / I have never gone so numb / I have never been so late before / This is probably how I get myself killed
“Me And My Dog” – Boygenius
I wanna be emaciated / I wanna hear one song without thinking of you / I wish I was on a spaceship / Just me and my dog and an impossible view / I dream about it / And I wake up falling
“Lilac Wine” – Nina Simone
When I think more than I want to think / Do things I never should do / I drink much more that I ought to drink / Because it brings me back you… / Lilac wine is sweet and heady, like my love / Lilac wine, I feel unsteady, like my love / Listen to me... I cannot see clearly / Isn't that he coming to me nearly here?
“Promise” – Laufey
I made a promise / To distance myself / Took a flight, through aurora skies / It hurts to be something / It's worse to be nothing with you
“Not Strong Enough” – Boygenius
I don't know why I am / The way I am / Not strong enough to be your man / I tried, I can't / Stop staring at the ceiling fan and / Spinning out about things that haven't happened / Always an angel, never a god / I don't know why I am the way I am / There's something in the static / I think I've been having revelations / Coming to in the front seat, nearly empty / Skip the exit to our old street and go home
Acceptance
“Unknown/Nth” – Hozier
You know the distance never made a difference to me / I swam a lake of fire, I'd have walked across the floor of any sea / Ignored the vastness between all that can be seen / And all that we believe / So I thought you were like an angel to me
“Waiting Room” – Phoebe Bridgers
And I can wish all I want, but it won't bring us together / Plus I know whatever happens to me / I know it's for the better / I want to make you drive all night just because I said maybe you should come over / I want to make you fall in love as hard as my poor parents teenage daughter / She'll be the best you ever had if you let her / I know it's for the better…
“Night Shift” – Lucy Dacus
Am I a masochist, resisting urges to punch you in the teeth, call you a bitch and leave? / Why did I come here? To sit and watch you stare at your feet? / What was the plan? Absolve your guilt and shake hands? / I feel no need to forgive but I might as well / But let me kiss your lips so I know how it felt / Pay for my coffee and leave before the sun goes down / Walk for hours in the dark feeling all hell / Don't hold your breath, forget you ever saw me at my best / You don't deserve what you don't respect / Don't deserve what you say you love and then neglect / Now bite your tongue, it's too dangerous to fall so young / Take back what you said / Can't lose what you never had
“I Guess” – Mitski
I guess, I guess / I guess this is the end / I'll have to learn / To be somebody else / It's been you and me / Since before I was me / Without you I don't yet know / Quite how to live
#good omens#good omens 2 spoilers#good omens 2#inefabble husbands#aziraphale#crowley#crowley x aziraphale#fanmix#spotify playlist#the great divorce#ineffable exes
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Random Fandom Recs
There is so much dang talent in this fandom, truly!! And so many creations I love so much and want other people to enjoy with me, but individual recs for all of them would take way more time than I reasonably have! So for now....here are a list of cool fandom things you should definitely check out!
5 Fics
The hand that beckons
@bluesundaycake. Lily Luna/Narcissa. Rated T. 1k.
Seductive setting, charming characters, mythical and magical and just plain beautiful!
A young woman with hair like burning coals enters into gardens guarded by fire.
Or, in which Lily Luna Potter is offered a feast and pomegranate seeds from one Narcissa Malfoy.
A Careful Approach
@digthewriter. Draco/Sirius. Rated E. 700 words.
Hot hot hot! Daddy kink Drarius brings me much joy. More, please!
Draco has wanted this for a while but never had he dared to ask. Until tonight.
white as death, fresh as snow
@lqtraintracks. Pansy/Narcissa. Rated M. 200 words.
Short, intriguing, lovely.
Narcissa visits her husband's grave on Samhain... with her new lover.
it's an inevitable
@swoontodeath. Harry/Snape. Rated E. 800 words.
A most special birthday gift to me from the ever sweet swoons! Voyeurism, student/teacher Snarry?? What more could a gal want??
Severus Snape can be patient. He's spent six years watching and waiting, after all.
Where Thestrals Fly
@writcraft. Harry/Snape. Rated T. 2k words.
Darkness & death, light & life...AO3 keeps telling me I've already left kudos here, which, rude. But I love the thestrals and the ritual of it and, of course, my BOYS!
Every Beltane, Severus and Harry undertake the ritual of moving Thestrals between the Bel fires. As they grow closer the light in their future steadily overpowers the darkness of their past.
4 Art
Untitled Snarry Art
@inarticulateimbecile. Harry/Snape.
Their work has so much character! And I especially love their Snape, with his harsh but captivating features! This piece especially does it for me, with the way Harry holds Severus close, and the way Severus touches and admires Harry's face...so much tenderness and passion here!
Untitled Snucissa Art
@luendland. Lucius/Snape/Narcissa.
Lu's art always just does things to me. Every line she draws captures so much feeling and I wish I knew how she did it!! And while I'm always partial to their Snarry work, this Snuciussa piece gave me all sorts of feelings!! The Malfoys are so pretty and hungry here, and Severus is on the menu!
Snape Tattoo Art
@mrviran. Snape.
So much dark, delicious art from Viran, and I always feel so dang inspired by their work!! Vivid and dark and evocative all at once! It was hard to choose, but I narrowed it down to this piece with Severus' Dark Mark + flower additions. I just have so much love for Severus and I have such feelings about him moving forward and growing and something about incorporating a new tattoo onto the Dark Mark evokes this sense of both acceptance of his past, and the independence he has to move on with his life.
Practice Makes Perfect
@sugareey-makes-stuff. Ginny/Cho. NSFW art.
God, I would recognize Krissy's art anywhere and I love it!! I was actually going to go grab her Pansmione art, but I noticed this one that I'd not seen before and WOW! I love the darkness for the passion and intimacy it speaks to. And the yoga here!! Two athletic ladies having a fine time, nothing to see here! Super spicy! Makes me need much more Ginny/Cho in my life!
3 Poems
rhyme, kissed
@imanakletos. Ginny/Luna. Rated G. 200 words.
Love Ginny's growth as a poet, and how clear her adoration for Luna is!
Free verses run rampant like wildflowers in your hair.
(OR: Ginny tries to write a poem)
An ode to Severus Snape
@bluesundaycake. Harry/Snape. Rated T. 100 words.
Who doesn't love some Snape love, especially from Harry's perspective? 'Exacting and eternal', indeed!
Harry is a masochist and it's definitely part of why he loves Severus so much.
Lovers' Flight
Anonymous. Harry/Snape. Rated T. 200 words.
Part of the Kill Your Darlings fest. So haunting and beautiful. Based on Goethe's poem "Der Erlkönig."
When Goethe meets Snarry
2 Recs
(Am I reccing rec lists? Yes. You can never have too much to read, after all.)
21 HP Slash Recs for 21 Years (2001-2021)
@consistentsquash
My advice would be to check out this list, read everything on it, then go follow Squash and check out her other recs. Sooo many cool lists with MANY excellent recs, but this is the list that brought me to Squash so it is the most special! Lotsa goodies on this one!
any draco/ron recs?
@sitp-recs
Another reccer to follow and read anything she tells you to!! Such a great joy to see all of Liv's recs, aaaand since I really love Draco/Ron I had to link you this one! (Though, seriously, read through these then go follow Liv for more!!)
1 podcast
Ep. 25 interview with perverse_idyll
@fanficmaverickpodcast @perverse-idyll. Harry/Snape. 2 hours, 33 minutes.
I've had the great pleasure of speaking with ChaosBlue and perverse_idyll both and they are both such stellar people I HAD to come rec you the thing that has them both in it!! They've been in fandom for a while. They have a lot to say. A lot of great things to say! All about fandom, writing, and one of my favorite fanfics! 10/10, can't recommend enough. I've listened to this episode quite a few times and it's definitely my favorite from The Fanfic Maverick!
ChaosBlue is such a PROFESSIONAL with hosting this pod so if you like this episode, please check out the rest! Super prepared, super sweet and patient and understanding, and such an outstanding human, I gotta say!
#danpuff recs#random fandom stuff#idk just come love stuff i love with me#please?#okay?#okay#good#thank you
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