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morallyinept · 6 months

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Hey, D. Question for you, buddy.

Have you ever had anyone say something really hurtful to you?

I'm sorry. That's really mean of them. And how did it make you feel?

Aww. Sweetie. But, let me ask you this. Have you ever said something that wasn't very nice to someone else?

Tell the truth. 🤨

Oh dear. Let's ask some of the other boys too... Joel? Javi? Frankie?

Well boys. I'm very disappointed in you all. But, there is a way you can all redeem yourselves...

No Dieter. Not like that. Although, now you come to mention it, it's been a while since the five of us all, uh, hung out together... 😏

It's Friday. It's that time again. Time for more Self-Care With Dieter & Jett! 🖤

Okay, hands up. Let's have our Mean Girls moment.

Who here has ever said something hurtful, whether intentional or not, to someone else?

That's a lot of hands... And for anyone who didn't raise their hand, I'm sending you the stink eye, because I know you have.

Yeah, you too, huh D?

And there's a big difference between throwing someone a snippy comment on a whim when you're pissed off, to continuously saying hurtful things to them repeatedly, or deliberately.

We all have. I know I have in the past. But it doesn't make us bad people, no. Especially if we learn and grow from it.

At some point in our lives, we all will have experienced bullying in some form or another. Be it someone calling us names in the playground in kindergarten, to workplace harassment, to threats or nasty comments against us online from an anonymous source.

And it doesn't feel great when it happens, does it?

That's right, D. It's not very nice to experience. 😢

We're all human, and as such we all feel things on different levels of intensity, and deal with bullying differently.

Some people have thicker skin, and words and insults can roll right off of them with little to no effect. For others, it can really play on their minds and contribute to feeling low and self-conscious and is harder to shake off.

What is bullying exactly?

Bullying is repeated, aggressive behavior that involves a real, or perceived, power imbalance. Its purpose is to deliver physical or psychological harm to another person. There are three main types of bullying:

Verbal - name calling, threats, taunts.

Social - online, gossiping, exclusion.

Physical - assault, physical/sexual harassment.

What causes people to bully others?

Bullying stems from many roots. But usually it comes from feelings of jealously, low self-esteem, anger, low self-confidence and/or traumatic events that have contributed to the bully building up thicker walls to remain protected themselves.

Some people can be naturally pessimistic or narcissistic in their personality, but again, there is always a root cause for it.

People don't become hateful intentionally, no-one is born hateful or spiteful; it is a behaviour that is learned.

It could originate from their home environment growing up, that they were bullied themselves so feel this is normal behaviour, or they could have experienced something traumatic, and lashing out at others verbally or physically, is the only way they know how to cope.

And some people are just sadistic, but that's another story.

The important thing to remember is that you are not to blame.

How can you effectively deal with a bully?

You love getting out your big gun, don't you, D? 🔥 But there are other, probably more law-abiding, ways to deal with a bully, bud.

Don't feed them. The first thing to know when dealing with a bully is that your fear, anger or getting upset, is what feeds them. Ignorance is bliss, right? Well, sometimes. It's very difficult to ignore someone who says something that cuts deep, especially if it's personal, or if you're already feeling in a fragile space. But biting back will only encourage them to target you further.

If you ignore a bully, they will eventually tire and move on. The biggest 🖕🏻 you can give to a bully is to give them no voice, especially your own.

Report them. If you're being bullied physically at school/college, the workplace, by a friend/family member/spouse etc... report their behaviour to someone who can help.

A teacher/a parent/a trusted friend. Even a member of authority, such as the police, if you've been physically assaulted.

You do not have to live in fear.

You may feel scared to report it due to them threatening worse behaviour towards you if you do. However your safety and mental wellbeing is worth more than their fear of getting found out for being a coward.

Speak up. By doing so, you could also be helping others suffering at their hand too.

What about Online bullying?

Online bullying is now one of the most common forms of bullying and anti-social behaviour.

Why? Because people can easily be anonymous online, and when there is no face, there is no filter. If it were easy for people to be identified and outed for their online behaviour, I'm pretty sure they would think more carefully before typing on that keyboard. But seeing as many sites, including Tumblr, make it easy for bullies to remain inconspicuous, they can spread like parasites.

But, it is also very easy to block them out.

Use the block button. It's there for a reason. Use it if you feel you need to. And report them too.

Adjust your settings. Depending on the type of social media you use, you can change your settings to ensure you're not subjected to harmful behaviour. For example, you can turn off commenting on your posts, or turn off your Asks if you need/want to.

Be careful what you reveal. Be mindful of the information you give away about yourself online. You don't have to censor yourself completely, and why should you? But equally it's important to be self-aware. Like you would be of your surroundings in the real world, give your social media the once over to make sure nothing too personal is revealed about yourself. Your safety online is just as important.

Don't bite back. It's easy to expose the horrible Anon Ask you've had, or to take it personally by responding to a hurtful or hateful comment publically for everyone else to see and interact with. But in the end you're instigating and giving the bully exactly what they want - your attention.

"You just wipe, you flush and you move on," as Dieter would say... rather poetically.

Or, in non-Dieter speak, delete, block and move on. Bullies don't deserve any of your time or attention, so don't give it to them.

But what about when we inadvertently become a bully ourselves?

Look, we've all done it. We're quick to defend those we love/like/admire. We're territorial and don't like seeing those who we care about slighted.

It's human instinct to protect.

But sometimes, that protection can morph into a fire, and a fire quickly spreads and grows out of control, and we don't necessarily realise that we're becoming bullish with our own behaviour, and thus contributing back to the problem.

Sometimes, affiliating with the scorned party creates a "gang-like" mentality and sides are split with discourse, unhappiness, indignant anger and actually causes more of a wider issue as more parties are dragged in and involved. Soon the small argument has become an all out war.

Stay calm, stay level-headed. Don't stoop to their level. Don't get involved if you can help it.

Think on your own actions. You've heard that expression if you can't say something nice, then don't say anything at all, right? Sometimes staying quiet rather than rising to it has more of a powerful effect than a full on slanging match.

Hold your head high. Rise above it. You are not the problem, so don't allow yourself to become a problem.

If needs be, step away, do something else and think on a sensible reply and come back to it later. You might regret acting on impulse in the moment.

If you must engage, be firm, be clear. Don't resort to petty name calling or nastiness back. Make your point concise, clear and politely. Then walk away/log off etc... Don't linger and keep going around in circles.

Reflect and learn. Take a moment to think on a time when perhaps you weren't so nice to someone in the heat of the moment, and ponder on how next time you can address it differently. What could you say differently? Could you have been more empathetic? Kinder?

Remember, you are stronger than you think.

Debate positively. It's never acceptable to threaten, belittle or insult someone online for having different views or opinions to you. The same as it's not acceptable for them to do the same to you.

Difference of opinion is what makes us unique as individuals - if we were all the same, it'd be pretty boring.

You can certainly disagree with someone, but be respectful and use positive, uplifting language instead of derogatory terms or personal insults. Debate is healthy, being a bully isn't.

⚠️ Threats against life, or encouraging someone to do harm to themselves, is not only illegal, but also extremely harmful and toxic behaviour. Don't resort to being low, and don't accept that behaviour from anyone else towards you either.

☝🏻And remember, karma is most definitely a bitch, and will bite you in the ass one day. So be kind, always.

D, I think we deserve to snuggle up, share some ice-cream and watch a happy film for not rising to the hate.

What do you say, bud?

Alright, alright... you can be the little spoon. Again. 🙄

You owe me you know. I'm keeping count. Come on, get close and give us a smooch, handsome.

So, Dieter and I hope we've made you think today, not only about how to identify bullying and how to combat it with ease when it happens, but also that we've made you think about your own actions when it comes to remaining level-headed, instead of hot-headed, towards others.

Until next time lovelies, stay creamy and stay kind. 🖤

YOU. ARE. STRONGER. THAN. YOU. THINK. 🖤

Do you. Then do Dieter.

More Dieter & Jett love here

ℹ️ Dieter and I always strive to bring you unbiased, fact-checked advice. We're not licensed therapists, so we do a lot of research to ensure we can provide helpful and informative posts. Well, I do. Dieter mostly sits around eating KitKats.

#self care with dieter and jett #dieter bravo #pedro pascal #pedro pascal characters #joel miller #javier pena #frankie morales #frankie catfish morales #javier peña #self care #anti bullying #be kind #kindness costs nothing #do you #then do dieter #you are stronger than you think

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donutsalami · 14 days

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I feel like writing it all down for some reason, big vent below cut, feel free to scroll past

Hm, i feel that maybe i've had a traumatic childhood in some way, there's been some stuff i'll list some stuff that happened when i was younger:

Bullying, i was considered weird to people, so i was often excluded and made fun of.

Probably some level of being ignored, was called a "ghost" many times cuz i wasn't very noticeble.

Major expectations, was considered a gifted child, talented and i learned very fast about everything, which meant i was suposed to be as close to perfect as i could.

I was also used for grades by some classmates, afterwards discarded when i lost my efficiency.

I didn't really feel equal to people for a long time, i was always suposed to be better than everyone else. Gold medals were the standart, 10/10 was simply expected.

Was threatened to be kicked out of home by my parents.

I was also was considered a big burden by them.

I've also witnessed someone end their life, not really a fan of that.

The pandemic, on the same year i changed schools.

There was also no one home when i came from school.

And i was raised by the internet, also making my addiction to the virtual world.

This also probably exposed me to a lot i shouldn't have known.

Which honestly, might've had an impact on my mental health in some ways, including:

People pleaser tendencies, i needed to fulfill people's expectations, and was afraid of bullying

Bottling up my emotions

Which made me overflow with rage sometimes, making me more violent than i would have enjoyed to be, and hurting many others.

Probably related to my burnout and "lazyness".

Also might have something to do with the apathy i've felt.

Thoughts of how i was terrible and deserved bad things, and self-loathing

And might have also something to do with my attempt on 4th grade to leave this world via breathing water.

I've developed the ability to forget (or repress) memories at will, that's probably related to this too.

In a sense, i think i might have "died" there, i was a "flesh machine", i wasn't alive, i was surviving, living on automatic.

Also disassociating, a lot, took a while to notice that isn't something that happens all the time to others.

I have also developed a sense of detachment of my memories, i can't relate to my old self, i don't feel like i am the same person at all.

Makes me wonder how i'd be if "I" was still alive lol, did my old self feel cisgender, or allo? Or was I always this way, even before i died?

I believe I was "born" again on 7th grade, i've met some people that made things a lot better, stuff got better little by little, and although i still feel my scars of these events, and have some breakdowns sometimes, i feel a lot better than before.

sorry for writing these thoughts on a post, therapy is too expensive for some, thank you for being here anyways :))

#tw vent #pizzacake

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boliv-jenta · 2 years

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Requested by an Anon.

More of Us Part 2

Joel x f!reader.

The tables are turn and Joel and Ellie find themselves in the reader's world.

WC: 4.1k

Warnings: Game type violence, gore and swearing. Kissing, naughty thoughts, no real smut.

'Non-slip paint my ass!' You thought as your foot slipped on the steps, sending you crashing to the deck. Rolling on to your side, preparing to push yourself back up, you came face to face with one of The Infected. PlayStation graphics really didn't do them justice. Their sallow skin, worn unnaturally thin. Their blood shot eyes. Rotted teeth that add to the stench of decay. The whole effect left no doubt that these things were no longer alive.

"Look out!" Joel shouted.

One of his feet slammed down onto the creature's chest. Gripping the handrail, he raised his other leg. Clamping your eyes and mouth shut, you rolled away as Joel's foot came bursting through the thing's head, almost spraying you with blood in the process. Ellie was on the back of a third monster. With everything she had, she was stabbing the thing in it's chest and neck. Joel stepped forward brutally shoving his knife through it's eye socket. It's eyeball burst like a grape, it's body jerked, held in place by Joel's knife. Ellie's safely jumped down as the body crumpled to the ground.

"Shit. Shit." Panic gripped you. What the fuck had just happened? You clawed at you the neck of your shirt, as if it was the thin material that was hampering your breathing.

"Hey. Hey! You're okay. It's okay." Joel held your hands tightly. It was reassuring until you thought about the fact that you should not be able to touch this man. He should not be a living, breathing solid being.

"Here, let's get you inside." He hooked an arm under yours, pulling you up and guiding you inside.

"Wait! The...bodies. We have to hide them." Some of your sense returned. You highly doubted you could pass the mangled bodies off as Halloween decorations. They had to be moved before someone saw them.

"Why?" Joel looked at you like you were insane. Maybe you were but not for this reason.

"There's a hole dug at the end of the yard. A foundation. We can bury them there. Please." You urged him.

"Sure." He shrugged it off before beginning to drag the bodies away, his touch lighting the way.

With the evidence of your gruesome visitors tidied away, you all headed inside.

"Why did you have me bury them?" Joel finally asked as you all sat in your living room.

"If someone found them we would have gotten in trouble." You tentatively began.

"What kind of trouble? More to the point how the fuck did we end up here?" Joel's temper began to flare.

Taking a deep breath you decided to bite the bullet. "I don't know how you got here but this isn't your world. The infection isn't real here."

"What the hell do you mean not real?!" He was furious now.

"Joel." Ellie was stood stock still by the TV.

"Well.." How would you even start to explain?

"Joel." Ellie called again.

"Not now Ellie. What do you mean?" Joel barked.

"I'm not sure how to explain..." How do you tell someone they're not real? Especially when they are sitting right in front of you, real as anything else in the room.

"Joel." Ellie persisted.

"Well, you'd better.." Joel was barely holding in his rage.

"Joel!" Ellie whined.

"What?!" He finally snapped, whirling to face her.

Silently, she handed him the game case she had been staring at.

"What the....?" He trailer off as he turned it over in his hands.

"It's us. We're a video game like The Turning."

"A game?" Joel was eerily quiet. The anger had drained from him.

He sat, deflated, for a long time. Ellie sat to the side of him, looking unsure. It was probably the first time she had seen him without a plan or a purpose. Neither of you knew what to say to him. Although your reason for not knowing what to say was vastly different from the young girl's. How in hell do you explain that you play the traumatic events of his life for fun? Just as you decided that pretty much nothing you could say would make that fact any worse and opened your mouth to speak Joel stood straight up before storming out.

"Joel!" Ellie moved to catch up with him.

"Ellie, stay here." There was no way you could have the two of them running around out there.

When you moved between her and the door she protested. "No! I'm going with you."

"Ellie, he's covered in blood, carrying multiple weapons, that's not normal here. I have to find him before a concerned neighbour or the police do. Having you with me will just draw the same attention."

Looking down at the floor she nodded slowly. "I understand."

"OK, good. I'll be back soon." Facing the wall to slip your shoes back on you didn't notice her move, until she ducked out of the open door. "Ellie! Shit."

Slamming the door behind you and breaking into a jog it didn't take long to catch up to Ellie. Thankfully, it didn't take long to catch up to Joel either. Your neighbourhood was real close to the city. It loomed in the distance all lit up. Joel was stood at the intersection staring at it.

"Joel?" You approached him cautiously.

"It's true. This isn't our world." His voice was a whisper, luckily it carried on the cool night air.

"Look, I have no idea what is going on here but I'll help you look after Ellie and work it out. I promise." Some of the tension left him at your mention of looking after Ellie.

The tension snapped back into him as a touch was shone in your faces. Joel reached for the metal pipe on his back. Recognising your local nosy neighbour, masquerading as neighbourhood watch, you grabbed Joel's arm.

"What's in the world is going on here?!" Mr Fitzgerald asked.

"Cosplay! For a Halloween competition. We're on our way to show a friend. We have two weeks to refine them. They're characters from a video game." The weak, clunky explanation fell out of you while your voice went through several pitch changes.

Mr Fitzgerald eyed Joel and Ellie for a little longer, running the flashlight up and down both of them. His expression turned serious. Flicking your eyes briefly to Joel, you could see his arm slowly moving towards the gun in his waistband. Mr Fitzgerald was still looking at you all, weighing you all up. As your hand came up again to hold Joel's arm in place and your eyes locked with his, silently pleading with him as he glared back, his stare was cold. With all his quiet charm and good heart, it was easy to forget Joel was a killer. Right now, you couldn't think of anything else. His warm eyes turned dark, they bore into you, conveying what he wanted with no room for argument. The whole thing was intense. It was terrifying and when you looked back on it later, and were completely honest with yourself, arousing. Before either you imploded or Joel exploded, you were interrupted by Mr Fitzgerald's sudden exclamation. "The Last of Us!"

Joel flinched, quickly you grabbed his arm, tugging it into yours and pulling yourself flush to his side.

"I knew I recognised you. It just took me a while to remember. My son plays the game. He even has the poster on the wall. You both look great. All this blood and gore looks well, real. I'll let you go on your way. You have a great night er, 'Joel' and..." he looked at Ellie while he searched his brain for her name.

"Ellie. We will, Sir. Dressing up is so much fun! I really wanna win first price!" She beamed up at him.

She really was something else, even after all she's been through her sense of humour is still there. A childlike imagination and sense of fun still runs through her, even if it's buried under a weight she shouldn't have to bare.

Mr Fitzgerald smiled back at her. "That's a good kid you have there." He aimed at Joel before turning and heading back up and across the street.

It was only when he and his flashlight disappeared that you allowed yourself to breath and distance yourself from Joel when you realised how close you still were to him. He looked at you when you did, you couldn't quite read the look on his face. Opening your mouth to say something, you felt like you should, there was nothing there, you closed it again awkwardly.

"See, Joel? It's true. These people think we're from a game. Which is kind of fucking cool! Is there a button that makes me do this?" She started to bounce on the balls of her feet and throw punches. "Or this hi-yah!" She side kicked the air.

"Ellie." Joel warned, sounding wary.

It made you want to look after him. Any discomfort you felt from knowing what they had been through while you sat in your safe little world was pushed aside. The past you couldn't change but you could care for them now. "Joel. I can't even imagine what you're going through. All I can say is that you are safe here. I have room at my house, you guys can stay until we figure all this out. Whatever the this is."

"I supposed there's no point to me running around this place like a headless chicken." There was the tiniest hint of humour in his tired voice.

The three of you walked home in comfortable silence. Joel seemed lost in thought, Ellie was enthralled by all the Halloween decorations, you had no idea what to say.

Instead you were practical, making a list of what you had in and what you would need. Some of your drawstring work out pants could be pulled in for Ellie to wear. You still had some of your super comfy clothes, the ones you wore a size or two bigger, when you were a few sizes bigger, they'll be big enough for Joel. You could wash their clothes for now. The kitchen was pretty much empty, tomorrow was your shopping day. Takeout it is. Woah, you could just call and have food delivered, they had to hunt, gather and probably sometimes kill for theirs. That though rattled around your brain and gnawed at your guts until you got home.

"I can get you guys some clothes. I have two bathrooms so you guys can get cleaned up with I order some food." You nervously offered. Would the offer be welcome or bring up resentment?

"Order food?!" Ellie blinked at you. "Bullshit! I saw all those posters with 'Order now' and their numbers on but I still though people were messing with me."

Pulling out your phone, which only served to delight her further as it actually worked. The ones she had seen turned on maybe let you play a game but that was it. Turning it to her you showed her all the places you could order from.

"Real pizza?! They called the stuff they fed us on a Friday 'pizza'. I seriously doubt that's what it actually tasted like of there wouldn't have been restaurants everywhere." Ellie scoffed.

"We can get real pizza if you like. Joel?" You voice seemed to jolt him out from wherever he was.

"Yeah, pizza sounds great. No pineapple though." He offered with a slight smile.

This whole things was obviously weighing on him. At least when you were thrown into his world you thought you knew what was going on. Plus all the adrenaline kept you going. His journey was the opposite, he had no idea what was going on, and there was a sudden stillness after years of being on the move.

"Pizza, no pineapple it is." The three of you smiled as you entered the house together.

Preparing your order, you went upstairs to lay out everything they would need, clean clothes, towels, spare toothbrushes, trash bag for their dirty clothes to be brought down in.

Stopping outside the main bathroom, you didn't know who's things to put in there. "Ellie would you prefer a bath or a shower?"

From the sounds of her footsteps she practically flew up the stairs. "There's enough warm water for a bath?!"

"Here." Placing their things down, you began to fill the bath. Ellie squealed behind you as the hot water gushed out. Joel's broad framed filled the doorway behind her. He leaned on the frame, watching the delight on Ellie's face.

"Joel, are you seeing this?!" She waved her arms emphatically at the tub.

"Yeah, kiddo. I am." He grinned.

The whole scene was oddly domestic, you playing host to a dotting dad and his loving daughter.

"Here are some bath bombs, salts, bubbles. They all have different scents use what you like." Opening a draw in the counter top, you presented her options to her.

"What's a bath bomb?" Ellie peered into the open draw.

Picking up a lavender one you held it out to her. "Smell."

Ellie took a tentative sniff. "Oh, it smells nice. Why is it called a bomb though?"

Handing it over to her you instructed her to drop it into the water. When the bath bomb fizzed below the surface, releasing dried lavender and changing the water a pale lilac, Ellie was impressed.

"Woah, better than Joel's bombs that just release people parts." She teased.

Joel took it with good humour. "We'll leave you to it. Don't forget to wash behind your ears now."

Ellie has already started peeling her dirty clothes off as you and Joel left the room, closing the door behind you.

"You can use the en-suite off the guest room. This way." Finding yourself alone with Joel suddenly made thing awkward.

A slightly uncomfortable silence fell between you while Joel followed you to the room. "The shower is just through there. Help yourself to any toiletries. There's a towel in there. Oh, I have these. I hope they fit."

Joel held up the the t-shirt against himself. It looked like it would more than fit. "These from an old boyfriend?"

"Old me, actually. I started looking after myself, lost a lot of weight." You rushed out, it wasn't your favourite topic.

"I'm glad you took the time to look after yourself. I really appreciate you looking after us. Thank you." He leaned forward just a touch as he spoke.

"You kept me alive in your world, the least I can do is let you use my shower." Your body tilted towards him as you spoke.

"Well, thank you anyway." He repeated.

"You're welcome, anyway." You nodded.

The silence between you became less awkward, more weighted.

"I better send this order." Waggling your phone at him, you left him to it.

Only when you got downstairs did you feel how fast your heart was beating and the goosebumps that had erupted on your skin. Nevermind a video game, this was turning into one of those action movies where they needlessly shoehorn in a romantic subplot. It's ridiculous even in a movie, there was no way it would happen in read life. There were other more important things to think about. Unfortunately, that didn't stop you from day dreaming about Joel for ten minutes causing you to completely forget to place your order. Once you snapped yourself out of it, dinner was on it's way.

Wondering upstairs, you checked on your guests. Ellie could be heard happily singing away as she splashed about in the tub. "Ellie! Dinner will be here in twenty minutes."

"Can I eat it in here? I don't think I can ever leave this tub again. I've grown accustom to the finer things in life, I simple can't function in the harsh world again." She called back dramatically.

"I don't know, kid. You're pizza would end up pretty soggy with the steam. You better rough it out here." You called back making your way to check on Joel.

"Joel?" You tapped on the guest bedroom door. There was no answer so you figured Joel was still showering. Slipping into the room you headed to the bathroom door, about halfway to it Joel emerged. A towel was slung low on his waist, water dripped down his chest, their trails highlighting every curve of hard earned muscle. A smattering of scars were visible across his torso. One low on his stomach made you wonder if it was an appendix scar or an old injury. A trail of dark hair led from his bellybutton down to...this was the point you realised you had been staring for way longer than would be considered polite. Definitely in creepy gawking territory now yet you still couldn't look away.

"Sorry. I just wanted to tell you that dinner will be here in twenty minutes. You'll wanna get it while it's hot." You inwardly cringed at the accidental suggestive phrase.

"Yeah. A hot meal would be nice." He smiled broadly, nothing but amusement behind it. "I better get dressed."

"Right." Turning to leave as Joel turned to grab his clothes, you caught sight of a fresh wound across his back. An involuntary gasp left you. His eyes shot to yours. "Your back."

"Oh, yeah." He shrugged off the concern in your voice. "It's not too deep. It'll heal."

"At least let me take a look at it? I have some supplies to clean and bandage it. Please?"

After a decent dose of puppy dog eyes, Joel sat down on the bed, angled away, to give you access. "Go on then, darlin'."

Luckily for you he couldn't see the blush that rose on your cheeks at his term of endearment. Rushing off to the bathroom, you returned with the first aid kit and, hopefully, blush free.

"Here." You set about cleaning the wound and applying an antiseptic with a mild numbing agent. Making sure to be very thorough, for Joel's sake, not that you were enjoying the feel of his muscular back under your finger tips. Or that he somehow made your coconut shower gel smell even better. Joel let out an audible breath.

"Did I hurt you?" Attempting to withdraw you hand, Joel was faster, he caught your fingers as they moved away.

"No. It's just been a while since anyone touched me so gently. I'd forgot what it felt like." The wasn't any real sadness in his voice, maybe a edge of bewilderment. I didn't seem like Joel spent a whole lot of time thinking about what was and what might have been. He probably hadn't took stock of how long he hadn't been touched gently for. Or how long he'd been touched in other ways. The time must have crept up on him.

Joel's thick fingers were still gripping yours, resting against his broad shoulder, just at the juncture of that long, kissable neck. Turning to you, he held your hand in his properly, palms facing upwards. His calloused fingers traced the skin, causing you to shiver.

"So soft." He muttered, before pressing a kiss to your palm. That single kiss caused you to forget how to breathe, sucking in a sharp inhale and sighing out a shuddering exhale, Joel was left in no doubt about how he was affecting you. He pressed another kiss to you forearm, watching how your face contorted in bliss. His lips were firm and soft, and searingly warm. There were so many places you wanted to feel them. You would start with on your own lips. As he pressed another kiss to the crux of your elbow, you caught him by the chin and tilted his head towards yours as you leaned down. Before your your lips met he asked. "How long did you say we had until dinner arrives?"

"About 10 minutes now." You answered practically into his mouth.

"I'd prefer longer but that's time enough." With that he rose to meet you. His lips landing on yours perfectly as he surged forward. One hand tangled in your hair, the other grabbed a handful off your ass, pulling you flush to him. Never in your life had you been kissed like that. It was like he needed to kiss you, to feel you, to have you feel him. Right then you could feel all of him. His large hands slid under the back of shirt, spreading across your lower back to keep you pinned to him. Every time you took a breath or gasped quietly, Joel took the opportunity to claim your mouth in a new way, his tongue explored you, his lips demanded to be on yours. Turning you both he backed you towards the bed until...

"Joel, you ready? The pizza will be here soon. I wanna watch them bring it." Ellie's excited voice cut through the room, right through the very narrow gap between you.

"Almost." He moved round to grab his clothes from the bed. "I'll see you down there." He looked at you as he spoke, he looked a little embarrassed. His hand came up to absently scratch at the back off his head. It was actually adorable.

Once he was sure Ellie was out of earshot he spoke. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have been so forward. There you go again, making me lose all sense."

"You don't have to be sorry. I enjoyed it."

"Me too."

"I have something else that you'll enjoy.

"Oh, I bet you do."

Blushing at his suggestive tone, you avoided looking at him. "It's in the kitchen when you are ready."

Leaving Joel to dress, you found Ellie glued to the window by the front door. Her eyes wide with excitement. Giving her shoulder a little squeeze, you left her to it, heading to the kitchen to prepare a surprise for Joel. Joel arrive in the kitchen just as you finished.

"Coffee?" He laughed lightly. "God, I missed this."

He cradled the mug in his hands, hands that had been roaming your body not ten minutes ago. The lips that the bitter, brown liquid flowed over were on yours, the moan that rose from him was being drawn out by you. Thankfully, the pizza delivery guy had impeccable timing, arriving just in time to save you from your wanton thoughts.

Ellie was hot on your heels as you brought the boxes in. "It smells so good better than the bath bomb."

Wasting no time, you opened the box for her. Even though she was clearly starving, she waited politely. "Go ahead."

Half the slice disappeared into her mouth in one go. Some how she still managed to have room to speak.

"S'good." She mumbled, trying to shove the rest of the slice into her mouth.

"I'm glad you like it." You smiled at her.

Joel waited until you opened both pizzas before getting a slice. "Mmm. Better than I remembered." He and Ellie ate in silence, save for the occasional happy noise of approval. Switching on the TV you discovered that Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles existed in their world too. The 2012 version played as the three of you settled in for the night, cosy and full.

Too preoccupied with how weird it must be for them and trying to make them feel welcome, you hadn't thought about how truly weird the whole situation was. How had two video game characters become real in your world? Shrugging your brief visit to their world off as a vivid dream, to be forgotten in time, was relatively easy. There was no way you had actually gone into a game. Having them here in your living, after other people had interacted with them too was harder to deny. Was this bit a dream and the their world was a dream within a dream? Damn it, you really should have made the effort to watch Inception, not just learn about it from memes.

Too caught up in debating your own sanity, you didn't notice both Ellie, fully reclined with a blanket pulled up to her neck, and Joel, relaxed back into the soft sofa cushions, had fallen fast asleep. Joel looked downright peaceful, every line of concern eased on his face. Taking him in and watching his slow even breaths, it didn't take long for you to drift of next to him.

"Fuck! Joel!" Panic hit you at Ellie sounding so distressed.

Your eyes shot wide open to be met by the sight of the dilapidated old room you had fallen asleep in after surviving the hoard of hunters earlier.

All you could do was echo Ellie's sentiment, "Fuck."

Tags @kirsteng42 @babydarkstar @prolix-yuy @thegreenkid @hquinzelle @fangirl-316 @gracie7209 @jedifarmerr @doommommy @scorpio-marionette @sturkillerbase @harriedandharassed @aynsleywalker @mswarriorbabe80 @quica-quica-quica @rise-my-angel @adancedivasmom

#pedro pascal character fanfiction #joel miller #joel miller x you #joel miller x f!reader #the last of us part 1

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lorata · 1 year

Note

what paths and lives would the victors have lead if they weren't the ones picked? if someone else got the volunteer spot, or it was a no volunteer year and they lost their spot. or if something happened during training like injury or something they just couldn't get through. would any have become trainers? peacekeepers? quarry workers? or even if they never joined the program? the program didn't decide to take them, they made the wrong instinctual choice and weren't picked? where would they be and without that experience of the village and the arena and mentorship, what would their views be on the rebellion?

sorrryyyy so many interlinked questions I brain spat

this is the one I can't really answer tbh because most victors are there BECAUSE they can't see any future for themselves elsewhere

yeah if there was some sort of cataclysmic event then they would survive they would not spontaneously combust but without that when you ask them that question it's like [MASS STATIC NOISE]

but i will say that given how many of them came from abusive homes, i don't think the answer to "where would they be if the program decided not to take them" is a nice one

the murder school is NOT a good thing, it is not happy fun playtime with blankets and ice cream for sad disenfranchised children but it does provide a way out, often the only way out, and a good chunk of the victors in that village needed it, because the system is very very very broken and they had no other options

which is why even the most traumatized d2 victors who hate what were raised to do and feel horrible guilt and all that, still have a complicated relationship with the program and the centre, because without it ........... well, then what, because that's not really a road you want to walk down. the number of people for whom "where would you be" is something nice like "working in a shop, maybe a family of my own :)" is like ..... what, 3?

but yeah no I don't actually know what would happen if a different mentor had been up that year and chosen someone else! I know in the Victor Selene AU Petra spends like a year violently trying to kill herself before finally giving that up and becoming a Peacekeeper but it is hard. Emory goes for Peacekeeping, Brutus (in the AU where his parents decide not to send him into Residential) stays in the quarries. other than that ... question marks?

#anonymous #lorata answers #we must be killers: tales from district 2

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annie-blackhill · 3 years

Text

Aight, I know that I've been away for awhile but now I'm back and I have ideas babes!

____________________________________

Warnings:

Depression

Anxiety

Past panic attacks

Mentions of past domestic violence

Abusive childhood

Post traumatic events unconscious coping mechanisms

Unconscious flinching out of instinct

Sudden panic when hearing fighting between a man and a woman screaming very near

Loss of breath

Domestic violence

Blood

Panic attack

____________________________________

Dazai Osamu

________________

Safe and Sound

________________

Dazai and (Y/N) have been in a relationship for two years now. They're so in love with each other that everyone at the ADA are questioning the fact as to why they weren't married yet.

Dazai really loves (Y/N) and she loves him just as much back. They both really love each other and they both understand each other the most too.

But there were still some things that Dazai didn't know.

The main reason why (Y/N) and Dazai weren't married yet was because Dazai wanted to get her parents' blessings first. He was so excited to get their blessings, to meet the people who brought his perfectly imperfect lover into this cruel, tainted world.

He was eternally grateful to them for bringing her into this world, although the cruel world had tainted her and made her the broken person she is now, he still loves her for her. She's the only reason he has to live now. And he loves her for that.

Whenever Dazai asked (Y/N) about her family, she would tell him stories about when she was a child and how her dad would bring them to the beach every weekend because they lived near to the beach or when they went back to school shopping together.

But that was it. Her dad never really appeared in her other stories much. He would pop in at some point of the tale and then disappear. Her mum, was mostly the one to witness her achievements.

But (Y/N) has never described her parents' proud expressions whenever she achieved something.

At times, when Dazai did pry lightly, she would turn the story somewhere else, mostly to her friends.

He knew that she didn't really have a good primary school life, seeing as she's told him before that she's been bullied at that time. She's described them as the loneliest years of her life and how much she's hated herself those times.

Whenever (Y/N) talked about friends, it would be about her friends from her high school life. Her high school was much more on the better side.

She had been a prefect in her high school years, since her first year to her last year.

The only bad memories she had was when she realized that being in the first class and being the top of the class meant the other students would sabotage her and the two times in her senior years where she had to fight back as self-defense when she tried to break up a fight and they started to hit her too.

Dazai wasn't daft. Of course, he picked up on all the signs she showed that she wasn't really fond of her parents.

At first, he thought that it was just because of a small fight they had. But two years have passed in their relationship and (Y/N) hasn't cracked even the least to tell him why her childhood stories are only until a certain age or why she's never told him how proud her parents were of her.

Dazai was worried. In the end, he decided that maybe her parents just have a slightly tight relationship with each other.

Dazai decided to not ask. He let it slide and slip past them. He never touched the subject of her parents for the half of the second year of their relationship.

As the other half year of their relationship rolled in, Dazai and (Y/N) had saved enough money to buy a cozy little apartment near the ADA and move out of the ADA's hostel.

The day they were moving in, the couple were greeted by the middle aged woman who lived next door with her husband and 4 year old daughter.

She had been a very sweet auntie that welcome the sweet couple to the apartment complex with open arms and a sweet smile.

More than once had she cooked good food for the duo since they always returned late from work.

"You two kinda remind me of how my husband and I used to be when we were younger and so in love," the auntie would say to the duo all the time.

The little 4 year old would also come by and play around with the loving couple whenever they were on leave.

Auntie would always try persuade her daughter from "disturbing the lovely young couple" as she would always say to her daughter.

"It's alright, auntie! I love kids! (N/N)-chan and I are planning to have a few little munchkins like this when we're married too!" Dazai would assure her, while playing with the little girl.

But there was always something about how (Y/N) would send the auntie knowing looks as though she knew something that he didn't all the time, so he decided to pay more attention too.

When Dazai did start to notice more, he noticed the dark bags under the auntie's eyes and he noticed how tired she always was.

The more he noticed the more concerning she looked to him day by day.

"Auntie, would you like to join us for tea, today? Osamu and I wanted to play with that sweet little angel," (Y/N) invited the auntie.

"WHO'S THAT AT THE DOOR???!!!" the booming voice of the male from inside the auntie's house shook (Y/N) to the core and it ignited old memories that she didn't have to remember.

"Auntie, you really should come. Osamu insists! You know how he gets when he doesn't get what he wants! He'll be whining all day long like a little baby!" (Y/N) tried to convince the auntie discreetly.

"I ASKED 'WHO'S THAT AT THE DOOR'! ANSWER ME YOU USELESS WOMAN!!!" the man shouted from the bedroom again.

(Y/N) flinched. She was regretting sending Dazai to the store now. They had been running low on groceries and she had sent Dazai to the store, as she would say "please contribute you're lazy arse to do something in this household, my love" and he had carried his lazy arse to the store near the apartment complex.

After Dazai had left was when she started to hear the shouts and yells from the next door auntie's house.

Even as the bad memories plunged her being, she had forced herself to go and at least try to save the auntie before anything bad happened to either her or her daughter.

But even then, if you looked closely at (Y/N) you could see that she was trembling badly and that she could barely stand on her two feet.

"Auntie, come on please!" (Y/N) begged in a mutter exclamation.

"I'm sorry," the auntie murmured before closing the door on her with an apologetic smile.

"Auntie, no!" (Y/N) exclaimed.

And that was when she heard the terrible screams and the yell. The cries of the little 4 year old teared her soul apart into the smallest of pieces.

"NO, NO, NO!!!!" (Y/N) yelled as her mind turned blank and the memories flooded her brain.

Her mind turned so blank that she forgot that she was slamming her fists onto the door and that she had an ability.

The memories of how her father would come home drunk and lay on the sofa. Of how her mother had found out that he was having an affair. Of how, he would beat the living daylights out of her mother.

(Y/N) never told Dazai any of that. She felt ashamed to tell him that her childhood was the most terrible thing to ever happen to her.

A blood curdling screamed pierced the air along with a loud cry and that was enough for (Y/N) to snap out of her traumas and remember that there were lives on the stake right now.

She finally regained her senses fully and remembered that she has an ability.

Using her elemental abilities, she bent the wooden front door so much that it broke it half and broke off of it's hinges. The lower half flew to the side of the corridor almost hitting her while the other half flew into the house and hit the middle aged aggressive man that was about to beat his wife over the head with a glass flower vase.

The auntie stood in shock as the younger woman ran to her and hugged her.

"Auntie! Are you alright?! Are you bleeding anywhere?! Do you have any fatal injuries?!" (Y/N) questioned quickly as she held the shorter's woman's face in her hands and looked her over, making sure that she wasn bleeding anywhere majorly.

"Why you little freak show! You must one of those freak shows that are born with those little abilities! How dare you interfere with someone else's family problems?! Youngsters these days don't know how to respect their elders! Let me teach you then!" the man yelled at (Y/N) as she stood in front of the trembling woman, making sure that the older woman was perfectly hidden behind her.

(Y/N) slipped a hand into the back pocket of her jeans. She clutched the holster of her gun.

"Step away, right now before I seriously hurt you," (Y/N) warned as she held her left hand out to stop him from coming any nearer to them.

The man took off his belt and folded it into two, straightening it out with a snap, which caused both women to flinch as more dark memories flooded into (Y/N)'s mind.

"I said STOP RIGHT THERE!" (Y/N) warned yet again. It was against the law for her to shoot him and she couldn't even use her abilities against him as he was a normal civilian.

She was trying her best to not hurt anyone here and let the civilian authorities handle the ruthless man.

The moment the man raised his arm was the same time (Y/N) slipped her gun out of her back pocket and shot his arm.

The man let out a cry of pain and fell back from the sudden pain. He looked at the younger woman, wide eyed as she held the gun tight and pointed the barrel to his forehead.

"Armed Detective Agency member, (L/N) (Y/N)," (Y/N) announced as she showed him her ADA card.

The man backed away more at that. His eyes wide as he realized that she was a member of the authorities.

"(Y/N)?!" Dazai shouted as he entered only to see the bloodied situation of the man and the two trembling women.

"Where's the child?!" Dazai asked immediately.

"Sh-she's in her room," the auntie answered meekly.

Dazai nodded. He looked down at the man, disgust, venom and a desire to kill clear on his face.

The man even then, still tried to gain Dazai's pity as Dazai was a fellow man too.

"S-sir! All I was trying to do was educate my wife to be more better and obedient! I wasn't trying to do anything other than that! I swear!" the man said.

That only made Dazai even more disgusted as he spat on the man's face in disgust. He stomped his foot harshly on the man's hand that was holding the belt.

"You disgust me you old fool! You're an utter disgrace of a human being! I'm disgusted to see people like you are still alive! Terrorizing women's lives! Making them only feel like obedient dolls that should only do whatever you say!

I'd rather kill you then let you go to jail and then get back out after a few months! People like you shouldn't exist at all in the first place!

Your wife is supposed to be your life partner! Not some maid or toy that would do everything you say! You're supposed to live life and do everything together!

I can't believe you even had a child with her only to state your dominance over her and make her unable to run away from you!

You disgust me!" Dazai yelled at the man as he twisted his foot on the man's hand more and stomped it over and over and over again, intent on breaking it.

(Y/N) shielded the auntie's sight form her lover's rage as he broke the man's hand and rendered it completely shattered under his shoe.

"Osamu..." (Y/N) called out for him.

Dazai raised his head to look at his lover, tears streaming from his eyes from utter pure white hot rage.

"Are you alright? Are the two of you alright? Is that little angel injured?" Dazai's voice turned so soft that (Y/N)'s heart broke at the mere sound of it. He sounded as scared as she was feeling.

Dazai went over to the two women and squeezed them into a light hug, he buried his face into the crook of (Y/N)'s neck. (Y/N) hugged his waist, her arm practically limp, but her hand still clutching the gun tight just in case the man tried anything, her ear was placed against his frantically beating heart.

The older woman had wrapped her arm over his back and was hugging him tight, scared out of her life and grateful for the presence of the two youngsters at the moment.

"Osamu... We need to call the police and the ADA, specifically Kunikida-san. We need to explain a hell load to them all," (Y/N) murmured lightly to the shaken man.

Dazai nodded lightly at her statement before pressing a light kiss to the crook of her neck and removing himself from the hold of the two women.

"Auntie, do get your little girl and wait outside of the house. (Y/N) and I will call the police and our co-worker to handle the mess here," Dazai informed the older woman.

She merely nodded, not trusting her voice to be strong enough to answer him as she went to the little girl's bedroom to get her out of the house.

Once the child and woman were safely out of the house, Dazai dialed Kunikida while (Y/N) dialed the police station.

Both at had arrived at the house. The man was brought away on a stretcher by the paramedics as (Y/N) was explaining to the police as to why she had used her gun.

Kunikida and Dazai, both standing on either side of her, trying to justify the reason as to why she did so and the police accepted the reasons in the end.

Dazai said his end of the story and then they moved on to ask the wife and the child about their ends of the story.

"(Y/N), you know you shouldn't have used your gun. I'll have to confiscate it for now. You'll only be allowed to use it on missions. I'm sorry but those are the rules that you need to follow after that little act of 'misusage' as the police says," Kunikida sighed as he took the gun lightly from her slightly slackened grasp on it now.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to. I was scared and he raised the belt above me, ready to hit at any moment---" her voice cracked and she couldn't continue the sentence anymore.

Kunikida held her hand softly as Dazai brought (Y/N) into a soft side hug, holding her softly and rubbing her shoulders.

"I know and that's why I'm the one that's supposed to be saying sorry for taking away your gun, (Y/N)," Kunikida said.

"Hey, hey. It's alright, the both of you. I'll pull some strings here and there and make sure, (Y/N) gets her gun back, alright? Easy peasy!" Dazai lightened the mood up a little.

"Sigh, thank you, Dazai. For making this easier for all of us," Kunikida said before excusing himself, saying that he needs to fill out a few more forms at the police station and make sure that neither Dazai or (Y/N) get accused for anything that they didn't do.

Dazai proceeded to lead (Y/N) back to their little home as the auntie and her daughter were led to the second ambulance by the new paramedics.

(Y/N) leaned into Dazai as she curled up onto him. He held her close and tight, knowing full well that she was shaken up from the encounter.

"Osamu... Remember how you always asked for the truth about my childhood... What you witnessed today that was happening to that auntie and her daughter? That's the real truth to my childhood.

But no one saved us. And as I grew and my dad lived his other life with his little affair, he would come and go to let off steam on my mother and my mother started to blame me for how miserable our lives were.

That's why I never had a past occupation like everyone else. I had been working with the ADA ever since I was 18 and I ran away from her.

The president helped me. He helped my mother by providing her safety and a new home.

My father is still out there, somewhere with that other woman.

And I... I've never seen my mother since the day I ran away. She must be happier now," (Y/N) said, tears streaming down her cheeks.

Dazai hugged her closer and kissed her forehead.

"It's alright, love. You have me and the other ADA members for you as well now. Hell, even the Port Mafia is with you right now after how much you helped them out when we were all having trouble with The Guild and Fyodor. You have all of us here for you.

Most importantly, my love, you have me. I won't let anyone so much as hurt you even a little bit and go off the hook.

I swear," Dazai murmured softly into her ear and she snuggled closer to him, their feets touching and their hands interwined with each other's.

____________________________________

"Port Mafia strikes again as a man who was arrested yesterday due to commiting domestic violence was murdered by them brutally in his own jail cell much to the surprise of all the police officers present.

Police officers were considering requesting the Armed Detective Agency to further an investigation at first, but has now decided against it as the chief of the police station has deemed it as a waste since the man was a criminal," the news reporter announced on the morning news as (Y/N) sipped her (bitter/sweet/neutral) (coffee/tea) and Dazai adorable chewed his crab sandwich.

"Who did you ask to do it?" (Y/N) asked immediately as soon as Dazai swallowed.

"Chuuya was more than willing after I told him the story. I didn't even have to tell him which police station and cell that scum was in, he ran off and figured it all out himself and finished the job," Dazai answered before continuing to adorably eat his crab sandwich.

"That scum deserved it," (Y/N) agreed as she continue sipping her (coffee/tea).

____________________________________

Awareness Note:

Stop domestic violence. The pain lingers on even after the relationship has ended. No one should have to be bounded to a spouse that only views them as an object and an inferior instead of a human being and an equal. No one has to go through physical and mental pain with a monster that prefers to take control of everything. No one has to go through such pain.

Marriage isn't pain! Marriage is a bond of two people who love each other!

If it hurts both physically and mentally, then it's not love.

Know the difference.

#stopdomesticviolence #dazai osamu #bsd dazai #bungou stray dogs #dazai osamu x reader #dazai x y/n #dazai x you #dazaibsd #dazai oneshot #dazai x reader #dazai x reader fluff #comfort

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polarishymn-blog · 3 years

Text

I'm bored so here is another theory. Be warned HERE BE SPOILERS!

Tacking on to the Elgar'nan theory here:

I discussed how I think the Evanuris were originally spirits. Well folks I have a personal head canon for my Inquisitor. Let me make this clear MY LAVELLAN INQUISITOR. NOT SAYING ANYONE HAS TO AGREE. I JUST USE THIS WHEN I PLAY THROUGH.

Ok? Ok.

Get your tinfoil hats on. This one is a doozy.

Lavellan is the spirit of sacrifice.

I hear people now like "that's ridiculous." Give me a chance to explain before you scroll on.

The Inquisitor is in the fade after being part of an explosion that kills EVERYONE ELSE. Even Corypheus takes a big ol L on this one.

Everyone is dead. What happens to Divine Justinia? A spirit that identifies with her so much it takes on her persona and memories. As does Compassion who becomes Cole. So we have a precedence for this.

Cole shows us that a spirit can take physical form. Justinia shows us that a spirit can fully believe they are that person. And the ancient elves just...these guys...looking at you Solas.

Var lath vir suledin!

I digress. So a spirit can not only retain the thoughts and memories of a person but take physical form.

"Then how come she doesn't know she is a spirit?" You ask?

Simple the spirit doesn't want to remember. It was a traumatic event. The person they identified with, quite possibly has been watching for some time, died a horrible death trying to save Justinia from that red lyrium blight infused ballsack. They basically ran into a situation any of us would have noped out of. All to try and save (for Lavellan) a woman that made no nevermind to them.

Instead our intrepid little elf is like "nah I should definitely fuck with that big scary guy and grab this clearly magical item."

In the immortal words of Sandal "BOOM!"

Everything goes to shit. Our lady elf wakes in the Fade with no memory how she got there. She recovers her memory later but not all of it. After the explosion there isn't shit until she wakes up.

Sus.

So she wakes up and spends the rest of her time throwing herself into one hellscape after another. Putting herself in constant danger and giving up whatever life they had before to save the world. Spoiler: and her fucking arm. Thank Solas. You lying manipulative beautiful bastard you.

Var lath vir suledin!

Speaking of that wolfish sex pistol...he has some...odd dialouge.

Solas: spirit wish to join then living. Demons are that wish gone wrong.

Interesting. He doesn't say they can't. Cole is proof they can. So lets look at some Cole and Solas exchanges:

Solas: The rifts draw spirits through, and the shock makes demons of them.

Cole: Pushing through makes you be yourself. You can hold onto the you.

Cole: Being pulled through means you don't have enough you. You become what batters you, bruises your being.

Solas: Yes, exactly. Deliberately crossing the Veil requires that a spirit form will, personality.

Solas: That concept of self gives a spirit the chance to maintain its nature.

So according to Cole a spirit that comes through willingly doesn't necessarily become a demon. Solas follows up with a spirit needs the will to do so and to form a personality. If the spirit has a blueprint...say...a person they identify with...they could assume that person's personality and indomitable will and focus.

His voice....sigh.

Let's move on to:

Solas: You may well become fully human, after all. I never thought to see it.

Cole: When did you see it before?

Solas: I did not say that I had.

Cole: No, you didn't. It's harder to hear, sometimes. Sorry.

Solas: Good luck, Cole. You have taken a difficult road.

Ya'll Cole can see/sense that Solas has seen this before. And he also knows who and what Solas is. Our murder bebe all but outs him several times. After Tresspasser you see the breadcrumbs clearly. This exchange could on the surface just be about them but as Solas is also a spirit taken form I find it interesting he doesn't say "You where once like me Solas." If he doesn't out him here he may not out the Inquisitor.

Next! Ah...the balcony scene. WHY MUST YOU BE SO DAMN CHARMING!

Solas: Has it affected you? Changed you in any way? Your mind, your morals, your... spirit?"

Lavellan: If it had do you really think I'd have notice?

Solas: No. That's an excellent point.

Lavellan: Why do you ask?

Solas: You show a wisdom I have not seen since... since my deepest journies into the ancient memories of the Fade.

Solas: If the Dailsh could raise someone with a spirit like yours. Have I misjudged them?

Ok...why is he emphasizing her spirit. Not soul. Not you. SPIRIT! He asks if the mark has affected her. But it could be his way of prying information without "hey bitch are you aware you are a spirit. I know crazy, right?" Js he does this "I like your spirit" talk more than once.

I enter into evidence a snippet from the heart shattering breakup conversation:

Solas: You have a rare and marvelous spirit.

I'm not crying. You're crying. DRINK MY TEARS PATRICK WEEKES YOU BEAUTIFUL BEING!

A rare and marvelous spirit huh...Cole what was it he said to you?

Cole: I didn't know there were spirits of wisdom.

Solas: There are few. Spirits form as a reflection of this world and its passions.

Solas: We will never lack for spirits of rage, or hunger, or desire. The world gives them plenty to mirror.

Solas: The gentler spirits are far more rare. We can ill afford the loss of even one spirit of wisdom, or faith...

Solas: Or compassion.

Or sacrifice! If compassion and wisdom are rare. How rare would sacrifice be?

Solas says the Inquisitor changed everything for him. He is someone who is ready to do whatever it takes to restore his people. Surly he would value sacrifice. If he came across a rare and marvelous spirit of sacrifice would he not at least be intrigued? Or inspired?

Let's face it he is an artist. His lady would definitely be his muse. Especially after she accidentally gives him permission to destroy the world.

...Dammit Lavellan.

Finally, why didn't our precious lying egg not mention this? When the Inquisitor is having the very terse elven conversation and the city elves are brought up this is the dialogue:

Solas: Why? What would it benefit some poor man in a Ferelden alieanage to learn his ancestors strode the land like gods? It would only make him bitter. Or inspire him to take a foolish risk and get himself killed.

Lavellan: You have decided his reaction for him.

Solas: Perhaps I have.

Clearly wolf boy has no problem keeping information from someone he thinks will only serve to harm them. If the Inquisitor knew they were a spirit perhaps Solas would think their reaction would be troublesome. Or even dangerous.

There is more but this is already ridiculously long. All this is to say my Lavellan was a real elf. She was killed during the explosion and a spirit of sacrifice identified with her so much she became her. The elf Solas falls in love with is (in my rp) like him. A rare spirit that became flesh and blood. She chose to be real like Cole can. Her lack of memory of the moment it happened is both self serving and part of the effects of becoming real. I know it is most likely all bs but it makes for an interesting thought.

Solas is the force that will end Thedas. Lavellan may be the sacrifice needed to stop it.

I hope you enjoyed this rant nobody asked for.

Oh and:

SOLAS! VAR LATH VIR SULEDIN!

#dragon age inquistor #dragon age inquisition #lavellen tears #lavellan #solas #cole #solavellen hell #solavellan #spirits #dragon age #patrick weekes

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ripples-of-thought · 3 years

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Abortion in 1987

My junior year in high school I met a young man from a rival school during a New Year's Eve lock-in at a roller-skating rink. This is about what happened about 8 months later, just before my senior year.

Since I had a steady boyfriend, I started on "The Pill". My mother knew I was having sex with him and supported my decision to use birth control. At the time I was not living with her, so I went to Planned Parenthood. Although I could not have afforded them full price, PP allowed me to purchase them on a sliding scale. It worked well for months; however, as time passed I started to get a little sloppy about taking my pill on time every day. Some nights I'd forget altogether, and the next morning I'd swallow the previous night's pill with a prayer that this one time wouldn't be the one that got me pregnant. One month at the end of the summer, my period didn't show.

I was anxious about getting pregnant, so I got a home pregnancy test as soon as I was a week late. The next morning, I peed on the stick. One line was negative, two lines... yes, the two lines right there on the stick... that meant positive. I was pregnant. I told my boyfriend, the one I was "in love" with. He meant the world to me, and would be my rock. Since my menses were normally very regular, I was pretty sure there was no mistake, but before being able to do anything, I would need a doctor's confirmation anyway. Back to Planned Parenthood I went, where they were able to verify the results, again at a price even a high school student in the 'burbs could afford.

The fact that this doctor's visit, and the potentially life-changing nature of it, seemed so routine that, years after, I've nearly forgotten it, is a testament to the professionalism of the care I received at that clinic. Everything was calm that day. The anxiety of deliberation all came afterward.

I told my parents. Being a pregnant teenager is scary, but I had two parents who loved me, and a mother who told me she'd support whatever decision I made.

She very much wanted me to be able to follow my own heart and mind about this, and I admire and appreciate that. I knew the history of abortion in the USA, had seen Dirty Dancing, I knew other times and other families had provided neither the freedom nor support that mine did. I was, and am, grateful for that.

But to no fault of theirs, I was not able to freely choose what to do with my body - whether to use it to continue growing this other human, or have the procedure that would end my pregnancy. My choice was smashed to pieces by my "rock".

For, while I was weighing the options - whether my family, my education and means, had room for an infant at this time... whether I was strong enough to carry a baby to term only to give it up to an adoptive family to care for it beyond my ability... whether to terminate the pregnancy and carry on with life's plans (such as they were) as if I'd never been pregnant... my boyfriend was thinking about his future career in the military.

His only ambition his entire life was to be part of an elite military unit such as the US Special Forces (the Green Berets) or what he saw as their modern equivalent, the Airborne Infantry. He was already a career Boy Scout, and an Eagle Scout, something he took great pride in. He'd talked to recruiters and was ready to enlist as soon as he graduated. And he saw my pregnancy as a threat to that.

At least, that's what he told me. I really can't understand his reasoning now... and I'm not sure I even seriously questioned it then. When I told him that I was considering adoption instead of abortion, he refused to even consider it. He couldn't stand the thought of "his" child being "somewhere out there" ...raised by someone else. He told me that if I did not have an abortion, I would never see him again.

There's a lot of hurt behind that statement... hurt that actually has nothing to do with him. Because while he had plans for a career after high school, I did not. I had vague ideas about what I wanted to do... I wanted to be artistic. I wanted to paint and write... but beyond that... I had no idea. I certainly didn't have plans for university... I didn't have the money to pay for it myself and I didn't have the grades or extra-curricular activities to get me a scholarship.

I knew I wasn't cut out for the military. I lacked the discipline and the physical fitness for that kind of life, whatever the film STRIPES made it out to be. So that left ...what? Becoming someone's domestic help? Being a grocery checkout clerk? Becoming a ...housewife? And with graduation looming ahead, I knew my days as a carefree teen were numbered. My mother had said so, jokingly, a few years before. I took it way too literally and way too personally. Mom had quipped about my dad's brother living in his parents' house in his 30's... "When you turn 18, you're on your own, kiddo." She didn't mean it. Hell, she wasn't even really talking about me at all! It was about her ex-brother-in-law, but I didn't realize that at 14 and I didn't realize it at 17. And so it went until that day... My self-esteem defining me through my romantic partnerships, never as the hero of my own story. So when he said my pregnancy threatened his future, and said he'd walk if I didn't terminate, I saw my future, the only future I could envision, endangered. I saw this pregnancy as a threat to the marriage I expected and all the children he and I might have in the future.

When I told my mom about my decision to terminate, I didn't tell her why. She took it calmly, but told me years later that she had been hoping I would choose differently. She offered to be there for me, she paid for part of it, and my boyfriend paid the rest. She drove me there and took me home after.

The Planned Parenthood in Beaverton did not perform abortions, and they referred me to a clinic in Northwest Portland, close to downtown. I had to make one appointment for "counseling" in which I had to lie and say that nobody was forcing me to get an abortion, and then I could set the appointment for the procedure.

I suppose that, in my mind, it wasn't really a lie. If I had been a stronger personality at the time, I could have refused to abort the pregnancy and sued him for child support... I never think about this event without a list of "what-ifs" as long as my arm.

I remember it as quiet, clean, with a neutral palette. I don't remember any of the other young women. It was the most normal thing really... just a trip to the doctor... just an "outpatient procedure". The table, the stirrups, the speculum... just like any gynecological visit I'd ever been to. I didn't pay much attention to the aspirator (the machine that provides the suction) and just focused on breathing slowly and staying relaxed. I was given local anesthetic and it was over very quickly.

I remember waiting in the recovery room for my mom to take me home, and I was relieved that it was over with. I was sorry that I had felt the need to do it, and I remember even apologizing to the fetus. I had already started believing in reincarnation as a teenager, and hoped that in the future, the same spirit might grow within another body that mine would build, when I was ready to have children. This was just not that time.

What followed the next week was pretty much what I usually went through during my period. Cramps, bleeding, and then... life went on.

I do want to write about that arms-length list of "what-ifs"... but this post, this blog, is not about what could have happened. It's about what did happen. And what did happen was not nearly as traumatic as some would have you expect.

It didn't result in any more depression than I was already experiencing due to undiagnosed chronic conditions. It's far more truthful to say that my depression led to needing an abortion than that my abortion caused depression.

I was not wracked with guilt afterward... although years later when I went through a Christian conversion experience I did feel a sort of guilt about not feeling guilty...

One out of four women in the USA have an abortion at some point in their lives. The reasons they list for having one are usually complex, involving multiple facets of their life; most often some intersection of emotional and financial stability. My story is not rare. It's common. It's normal.

It's okay.

For more information about the effect of unwanted pregnancy and abortion on the women who experience it, I recommend reading The Turnaway Study.

#abortion #reproductive rights #teen pregnancy #sexuality #reproductive health #gender equality #reproductive freedom #right to life #pro life #pro choice

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lizzybeth1986 · 4 years

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I don't think you play TRR/TRH anymore but you should see what they did to Kiara in the newest chapter. It's so dumb and makes me so angry, especially considering the current climate of events. I've already seen people on Reddit be like "but we helped her overcome her trauma" (we didn't lol) and someone called her the c-word, very classy. Honestly PB's been low key racist in the past but all the stuff right now makes it high key...

(Apologies for the long post and not being able to place this under a cut)

I'm pretty glad I got these anons because truth be told I wasn't sure how many people - besides the few that I already knew were constantly speaking about Kiara's treatment in the books - would care enough to ask any questions about this. Most of the posts I saw expressed a disturbing eagerness to throw her under the bus, without exploring nuance or asking questions, and at this point I'm not very surprised.

I've always maintained that the treatment for Kiara is what happens when both the writers and the fandom are heartless, and these past few weeks have only been proof of that.

There are questions you could raise about this finale re: Kiara - questions almost no one seems to bother asking. I have three:

1. In this Coventus Nobilis...how is it that I see four Heads of House, and only one heir?

2. If Kiara - who is not head of house - is supposed to represent Castelserraillian instead of her father Hakim (who presides over that estate), why do I not see Madeleine? Why do I not see Penelope?

3. Why are we suddenly seeing Adeleide popping up out of practically nowhere to rep Krona/Fydelia, and Landon conveniently rep-ping Portavira?

Some of the answers to these questions lie in the questions themselves. Why else would Madeleine and Penelope not be present in this meeting - if it weren't to purposely distance them from this awful moment? After all, both of them have inbuilt subplots ready for the next book that would require interactions with the core group. How else do you think the writers could ensure we kept coddling them and pandering to them in Book 3, except by distancing them from this "betrayal"?

Why else would the narrative choose to pit Kiara - the lone woman of colour we'd been shitting on for most of this series - against Olivia - the white woman who has been given innumerable individual PoV scenes and her own mini-book (and whose reputation we had to help rebuild in said mini book whether we cared about her stupid duchy or not).

Why else would they force Kiara to alert us mere minutes before the meeting begin, if not to distract us with crumbs ("See? At least we wrote her as warning you. Of course we don't hate her!").

Why else would you have Olivia and Kiara pitted against each other like this - if not to show these two women side by side, on opposing ends - and compel us to believe that the white woman we spent 4.5 books propping up and pampering, is the most loyal one. When in fact we have done absolutely nothing to deserve any fucking loyalty from Kiara or her family to begin with! (Ezekiel and his white bride notwithstanding).

What we finally got as a result, was a narrative that (as @queen-of-effing-everything summed it up when I discussed this with her) in one full sweep "glorifies Olivia, shields Madeleine and Penelope and sets up Kiara". Very few of us even noticed. And even if we did notice, is there any guarantee that we would care??

Remember how I mentioned in my last ask that I wished we expanded the same energy that we did with Aurora, to speak up against the ill-treatment of other black characters? Kiara was undoubtedly one of those.

After this, we as a fandom will speak very easily now of her "betrayal". We will call her the b-word and the c-word. We will boast of how we will "take her down" along with Adeleide and Landon and Bartie Sr. We'll boast about how we "never liked her" to begin with, as if doing so required some...idk exemplary foresight. We will make memes about how Olivia was "the only bitch we ever respected". We will make huge, sweeping claims about how Kiara was our "friend" and how (as you've mentioned, anon) we "helped her overcome her trauma" (!!!!) and claim by that token that we were entitled to good treatment from her. I'm pretty sure when TRH3 finally comes out, her every word and action will be screenshot, put up on blogs, mocked and torn down just so we can write essays on how awful she is.

Yet I saw very little of this energy in Book 3, where the MC could first emotionally manipulate her into supporting the Unity Tour, and where we actively suspected her at a time when she was traumatized. At most there was some lukewarm acknowledgement of how she "deserves better", all while people still continued to write fanfic that positioned her as creepy and obsessed and villainous. Almost no one had a problem with Savannah not acknowledging Kiara's earlier support of her, and in fact I'd seen posts that clubbed her with the other ladies of the court who likely "treated Savannah badly". Her father Hakim was made to join the tour alongside her by default, without the expectations that Landon/Emmeline and Godfrey/Adeleide were allowed to have, and the fandom was mysteriously silent about Hakim being made to "bow to his knees" in a way the others did not have to. Very few people even bothered to notice or talk about how often Penelope was allowed to hold the MC's baby, or how Kiara was never really allowed to hold her even once. Which "friend" treats someone like this??

When I finally published this essay on the treatment meted out to Kiara especially in Book 3, what I got was a lot of neat, but ultimately hollow, little platitudes about how Kiara "deserved better" (How and in what way? Who knows, who cares). Out of those many many people who reblogged and responded, only a handful held the MC and Drake in particular (and Maxwell, who thought it appropriate to joke about "one suspect down") accountable for choosing to suspect and interrogate just her, and for showing ZERO remorse in forcing her to reopen those wounds. How is it that we can judge Kiara for this latest "betrayal", yet pretend that the MC and Drake had nothing to do with the pain THEY caused to her? How is it that this fandom was so fired up over her comments, yet would have such a weak, muted, carefully-generalized response to the screenshots where Drake was openly suspecting her and optionally minimizing her trauma?

Following that, why should we be entitled to good treatment from Kiara when we never really gave her even half as much?? Why is it so easy to divorce characters from their words and actions in Drake/MC/Maxwell's case, but so hard for a character like Kiara? (One may claim this is because Drake and Maxwell are potential co-protagonists, but the aforementioned essay already proves that you as a main character can get punished for not treating a mere side character with kindness).

Another thing that fascinates and repulses me even further is how the fandom has created myths around this one character, and how PB has constantly leaned into these "characteristics" even though the text itself tells an altogether different story:

1. Kiara is a snob. This is especially hilarious considering that she is established in Book 2 as being the only person who befriended Savannah before her departure and cared about what happened to her when she left. Never once in the books has she looked down on us for class-related issues, or outright mocked people for not knowing the languages she knew. In fact, she was the first person to acknowledge our skills if we showed any before Lythikos in Book 1. On the other hand, Penelope can be uppity and look down on us in Book 1 (there is even a dialogue option in Chapter 10 that leads to her calling us a "commoner wench") if we don't do well, and yet she's a cinnamon roll. Olivia can engage in snobbish , entitled behaviour without the fandom having a problem just because she's their favourite. Madeleine can look down on us and pretend for 3/4ths of the social season that we're not worth her time yet somehow Kiara is the snob. Okay. Okay. 😐

2. Kiara is "obsessed with" Drake and constantly comes on to him. This is said by the same group of people who saw Olivia fucking Nevrakis plant a WHOLE FUCKING SMACKER on Liam's mouth, and said..nothing. Kiara on the other hand, has admired Drake's abs once, mentioned she'd always liked Drake once, spoken normally to him about his sister once, flirted with him once (Paris tea party), and ordered a wine from him when he was bartending. In the next book she either looks at him wistfully or admires his suit. Yet somehow she's the creepy, annoying, stalkerish. Okay. Ooookay. 😑

(This one was particularly damaging, because post the TRR3 hiatus, all efforts from PB were focused on reversing Kiara's position as an alternative LI. This included "confirming" on livestream that her affections were one-sided, at a time when Olivia was finally allowed to have some romantic moments with a single Liam, pushing forward a buildup scene to Drake's eventual secret wedding that had him acting extremely rude and confrontational to Kiara mere minutes after suspecting her (while she was expressing joy at his upcoming wedding in his playthrough!!!), and involving a subplot where he openly and by default suspected her. Sure, he spends a minute to be nice to her and chat about trauma if the MC chooses. But that's like a drop of sewage water floating in an ocean of shit).

3. Kiara Pretended to Be Our Friend And Then Dropped Us: This is false. Kiara only ever promised to put in a good word for us to the rest of the court, no more, no less. And she fulfilled that promise. Otherwise she never pretended to be friends with us nor made friendly overtures either way. In fact if you're going to accuse anyone of duplicity, you have Penelope and Madeleine. Yet somehow Kiara is the dishonest one. Okay. Okay. 🙃

4. Kiara Was Insensitive To Penelope and Didn't Understand Her. I'm not sure how Kiara is supposed to magically understand something that her friend isn't telling her. Plus this argument deliberately leaves out the fact that she stood up for Penelope when people chose to be mean to her, and even explained to the MC that she employs "tough love" because she can't always be around to protect Penelope. It also leaves out how one-sided this friendship is and how Kiara is made to do most of the heavy work in this friendship. Meanwhile, at Kiara's most difficult time period, in Castelserraillian, Penelope says absolutely nothing as the MC forces Kiara to join the Unity Tour, while making bedroom eyes at Kiara's brother. In fact the only reason Kiara's brother even exists is to give Penelope a love interest. The Kiara-Penelope friendship practically revolves around Penelope. I have never really seen Penelope look out for Kiara or attempt to actually support her in any way, and Kiara was the one who got the knife wounds. Yet somehow I'm supposed to believe that Penelope's the better friend of the two. Suuuuure. 😡

And this steaming pile of crap doesn't just make its way into shitposts and short opinion posts. It creeps into fanfic and fandom opinions. It finds its way in the tags and in other social media. It eventually even finds its way into the books, even though nothing in the earlier narrative ever really supported these extremely stale takes.

Because PB didn't care for Kiara the way they cared for their white characters, they had no problem framing her narrative the way this fandom so desparately wanted it. Book 3 has the MC claim behind her back that Kiara is stuck-up and acts like knowing ten languages makes her better than everybody else, even though this is not backed up by the text, and in fact you will never see any acknowledgement of how Madeleine forced Kiara to make herself sound "exotic" in Book 2, or of how Madeleine and the MC (optionally) could downplay or question her skills unless they wanted to use her. Also, Penelope is never allowed to be talked about like that no matter what she's done. PB even had a scene (in the Hana playthrough) where they aggressively retconned the events of Madeleine's bachelorette party, where Kiara supposedly shouted at Penelope until the latter cried, and Madeleine was the one "having fun". Kiara was literally being thrown under the bus to make Madeleine look better. Madeleine. Imagine that. Madeleine.

Given how desparate the fandom was to nitpick and overdramatize everything Kiara said and did, is it any wonder that the team got away with the writing they gave her in Book 3? Considering that all the false arguments I stated above have made a resurgence in the past few weeks or days...is it any wonder that the only "support" this fandom is capable of re: Kiara, is lukewarm platitudes, cold takes and rank hypocrisy??

Yes, we can hold PB solely/largely accountable for the treatment meted out to Kiara now. They made these choices over and over, and continue to do so, while tossing us occasional crumbs of faux-sweet behaviour from the MC. And they did this in insidious ways, which were so hard to catch that even a Kiara stan like me had to observe multiple playthroughs just to unravel even half of what they'd done.

But let's not pretend a huge chunk of the fandom was just as responsible for this - with their unfounded opinions, their disgusting bias, their favouritism of white characters, their refusal to observe anything besides their favourites, and their godawful fanfiction where Kiara is a creep or evil or killing the virtuous main character. Out of the huge body of fanwork that I've seen for TRR that features Kiara - at least 90% of it features her stalking Drake, or harming the MC (particularly the Drake MC), or in cahoots with the villains, or generally being referred to as a creep (why Olivia, who kissed Liam without his consent in Book 1 and was entitled enough to be angry about him not returning her feelings in TRH1, never got this sort of writing - I fail to understand). There is a tremendous gap between the vitriol dumped on her when she does something the MC doesn't like, and the milquetoast response when harm is done to her. There have been times when I've had to comb through pages and pages of hate just to read even one positive post on Kiara in her own goddamn tag.

When the next book arrives, I know you folks will continue to gas up the white women in this book every chance you get, and mask your racist vitriol for characters like Kiara (and Hana, let's not forget the way y'all treat Hana) behind the same self-righteous judgements and the same tired, stale takes. I know that PB - despite what I will still believe is their hollow promises today - will write every single one of those stale takes into existence. All because it will be "justified", because Kiara is a "bad person" or "untrustworthy" or "fake". Whatever. Y'all can stick to Olivia The Black Hole and babysit Madeleine and Penelope, I guess. Kiara always deserved better than these writers and most of this fandom anyway.

#long post #kiara theron #the royal romance #the royal heir #trr kiara #lady kiara #i'm sorry kiki we didn't deserve you #i chose not to play trh2 and that's because this is EXACTLY what i felt would happen after they tossed us those crumbs in the book 1 finale

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has-n0-name · 3 years

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Exploring The Feeling of Fear Through the Story, Afraid by Jeffery Deaver

As Marissa Carrefiglio and Antonio went away from Florence’s Piazza della Stazione, the black Audi plunged down the narrow, winding streets, she became hopelessly lost, but he wouldn't be led astray for he was a native Florentine while she stayed in Milan for thirty-four years, which explained that Antonio was born and raised in Florence while Marissa stayed there for thirty-four years. She felt uneasy as they went farther away because she was unfamiliar about the place they’re going to. She also didn't know him that well since they only got to know each other for a short period of time at a gallery in Florence. This part shows her anxiousness and uncertainty towards their current situation.

The unknown and lack of control make people feel vulnerable and scared. Marissa just got to Florence from Milan, this is where the story starts to unfold, where fear starts to come in. Marissa is not familiar with the city and has no idea where they are going. “Marissa was troubled that he was taking this shortcut—and troubled all the more when he abruptly skidded to a stop at the curb.” Shortcuts make people uneasy. Even if you were familiar with the place, you might not know where the shortcut leads to, what more if you were unfamiliar with the whole city like Marissa. The driver could have bad intentions. Even though they are dating, they just met not too long ago, so they still aren’t that close, and there’s not enough trust. Frequently, shortcuts don’t have that many people, so if there were trouble, you wouldn’t even be able to get help, so it’s even more dangerous and scary. “Marissa noticed that he’d taken the car keys with him, which made her feel trapped. She loved to drive—her car was a silver Maserati—and she didn’t take well to the role of the passenger.” The said statements emphasize her claustrophobia and that she doesn’t like feeling trapped and not having control, so she doesn’t enjoy being the passenger. While in the car, Marissa met Olga. Olga mistakes Marissa for Lucia’s sister and tells her some things about Lucia. Antonio comes back, and Marissa asks him about Olga and Lucia. She was bothered by what Olga had said. A message that someone has died out of nowhere and that someone who resembled yourself could make us curious but more worried. Especially since it’s from someone with the features of Olga, it just makes it even creepier. Things just seemed strange and unusual, making us feel uneasy. The uncertainty of not knowing what’ll happen, the unknown, can make us feel afraid.

Antonio was driving fast on a very narrow road. This behavior made her scared face all green. Then a few days later they went to an exhibition. The woman saw a tapestry that she liked very much. Later, on the way back, the car was awkward. As soon as she rang, she asked what was wrong, Antonio said it was okay, and then took the key when she got off the car. It was Marissa who discovered that he took the key away. Later, Antonio hid the person in the cellar. Later, Antonio kept Marissa from entering the cellar, but still out of curiosity, Marissa found everything after entering the cellar.

Antonio deliberately opened the door and, for some reason, led her to see the room. "Picking up some matches, Marissa walked into the kitchen. She noticed that he'd left the wine cellar door open. She glanced down the steep stairs and could see much of the room." Some people will check it out when they see something is not correctly put, and sometimes, you will try to find what you want to know because of curiosity. Marissa was there, and the door was open. She tried to close the door because the door was open she could see the inside of the room. When she saw the room, maybe her curiosity came up. So she went down to it. This part of the story is the most exciting. "She paused,frowning, staring at something under a table nearby. It was soccer, half-deflated." Marrisa's fears began to grow inside her. "On a stone wall to the right of the steps was a photograph. It was of Antonio and a woman who looked very much like Marissa, her hair dangling to her shoulders. They were both wearing wedding rings—even though he said he'd never been married. And the woman was wearing the same robe that Marissa was now wore." Other people make you dress up as someone else without you knowing, or permission is a very terror, what's more, if you are being dressed up like a person who is already dead. The front of the story is all foreshadowing for this part. In time Antonio starts to plant fear by telling the story to Marissa about the young boy who died, and let others tell her about the story of Lucia. It makes Marissa associate her ideas and recall previous events. Antonio plants a fear inside Marissa and lets it grow. Finally, He frightened Marissa "Ah, Lucia, Lucia... you came back from the dead. Why? You deserved to die. You made me fall in love with you, you took my heart and my soul and you were going to just walk away and leave me alone." Marissa was scared. Antonio did it step by step, and he successfully scared Marissa. In our life, a small step can lead to our success like what Antonio did, plant the fear inside Marissa.

Suddenly, she heard the voice of Antonio sounding quite normal. “It's all right, Marissa. Don't worry. There’s a light switch behind a loose stone to the left of the door. Turn it on. Read the note hidden inside the doll.”She was a little confused and didn't know what happened. She was so scared and it felt a bit strange, unreal, and unbelievable that everything suddenly became normal. She wiped her tears and found the switch. Under the bright light, she blinked, bent down and pulled out a piece of paper from the hollowed-out doll and read. She looked out the window and saw Antonio with the suitcase, heading over the bridge. Antonio saw the light through the window of the cell and knew that she was watching. He went to the parking lot after a while ,she heard his car start and the sound of him driving away.He left Marissa alone and let her find ways to go away .She opened the door and went out,those are her suitcase and purse. She opened the robe,put her clothes on quickly with trembling hands,took out the phone from her purse and grasped it tightly like a frightened child grasping a soft toy.She was a little worried about what would happen next second,but she didn't have time to worry about this ,so she wanted to escape here quickly and trembling packed her things .But she need to continued the note to know what happening and how to leave this place.In the paper written a lot of what happened just now is fake ,just to scared Marrisa as much.He asked her if she hated me very much because I did this prank to scare you ,but I understand ,it’s weird if you don't get angry and scared after going through these things and he has three number to help her.Marissa was angry, tearful,and trembling because of the note of Antonio,and walked to the stone bench by the water. People would feel very angry and sad or the same feeling that Marissa had that he/she regarded him as a friend but he engaged his/her and some of the people will silently reflect on why they are not cautious to make friends.She sat, and took a deep breath, holding the note in one hand and the phone in the other. Her eyes picked up gaze at the stars. Suddenly she was taken aback. She dialed a number and then changed a number to call, and the story ends here.

Antonio has no malicious intentions and is quite talented in what he does. His plan all along was to help Marissa find her true path in life. Marissa is not happy at where she is in life right now: needy ex, unwanted tedious job, etc. Although Antonio’s antics are questionable and potentially traumatizing, he’s still proud of the work he did and sees fear as “making someone feel alive”. As long as he does not do anything illegal, he won't be arrested.

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itsbenedict · 3 years

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Two-Faced Jewel: Session 5

A half-elf conwoman (and the moth tasked with keeping her out of trouble) travel the Jewel in search of, uh, whatever a fashionable accessory is pointing them at. [Campaign log]

Caught up in a blood feud between the villages of Wheat and Barley, Saelhen and Looseleaf are tasked with investigating a recent death. Their investigation takes them to a spooky tower owned by the local crazy torture wizard, which- hey, why was this guy not considered a suspect, huh? He's a crazy torture wizard!

Last time, the group was introduced to Malath Kanthalga, matron cleric of the village of Barley. She has no trust for outsiders- but she was willing to let Looseleaf lend a hand in proving once and for all that the scoundrels of Wheat were responsible for the recent murders.

To that end, the party is led a ways down the road to the farmstead of Roos and Gera Nicksickle, an elderly halfling couple which was recently slain.

En route, Looseleaf sizes up the farmers Malath has been arming, to see if any of them seem to have combat experience. There's one lizardfolk farmer who seems more comfortable with the armor, and holds his pitchfork like a spear. She makes a note of that.

They arrive, and are met by Lester Jawhold, a doughy-looking human man who's standing guard over the body out in the field, accompanied by a number of vicious-looking hounds. With permission to search the crime scene, some investigationing occurs.

Saelhen gets some basic details- the body was pierced through the chest with a four-pronged weapon, as described. Plus, there are the remains of hastily-erased footprints in the dusty soil- bootprints, it seems.

Looseleaf uses her animism magic to get a more direct picture of the incident. The corpse, recently dead, has a dead-corpse spirit that retains some information thanks to the emotionally volatile nature of recent events. The cause of death... being suddenly pierced through the heart, from the front, by a strange four-pointed weapon that induced extreme pain. It appeared to strike from out of thin air. Nothing about the corpse indicates a memory of seeing an assailant.

Indoors, the other victim, Gera, is found dead on the floor of the kitchen. It seems like the cause of death is the same, but... Looseleaf's animism reveals that her vital organs are intact, and she appears to have died of shock from the extreme pain.

All Saelhen finds from searching the house is... an empty cupboard with a recently-unlocked lock, and a mattress removed from its bed. Plus some of the same bootprints from outside.

Looseleaf has the idea to search the house for the victims' boots, to compare with the prints found outside. And what the search reveals is... there are no boots. They didn't own any. They were halflings. So their house being covered in dusty bootprints... well, it implies someone else was here and murdered them, which rules out the "a weird knife sort of inexplicably teleported into their chests" theory, at least.

The only real clue they have to go on is the extreme pain experienced by the victims. This suggests...

Malath gives a little exposition on the torture wizard- apparently he considers himself a savior, who through his experiments intends to vanquish pain itself- and surely torturing a few unwilling test subjects will be worth it, if he succeeds. Malath doesn't seem to consider it likely that Lumiere is the culprit, for the same reasons as Thalath- but jokingly suggests that perhaps Lumiere might have some information on who stole his torture tools to commit murder with.

Looseleaf: "So," Looseleaf asks, "if we're going to the tower wherein dwells a torture wizard, what can you tell us about what we might expect to face there? Ravenous horrific alchemical experiments ready to eat our faces? Traps? Magical servitors? A portal to another realm full of horrors?" Benedict I. (GM): She looks briefly surprised. "No, I... though I haven't been victim to him myself, I would warn strongly against confronting Lumiere, unless you're all much more seasoned than you look. None from our village have been able to resist him when he decided our consent was no longer worth trying to wrest from us." "Those who have been inside the tower might have more information for you, if you're fool enough to try." Looseleaf: "Well, team, you've heard the mission dossier, I guess. Do we think we're fool enough to try?" Saelhen du Fishercrown: Saelhen Fishercrown is not fool enough to try. Unfortunately, Saelhen isn't getting to be Saelhen right now. "...I imagine that we have no other recourse." Benedict I. (GM): Vayen looks... almost gleeful, insofar as his face betrays any expression. Looseleaf: Thanks for the vote of creepiness, edgelord.

Saelhen opts to kill annoying helicopters with one stone, and suggests that the team split up to gather information on the tower from the townspeople. She also suggests that Malath personally keep an eye on Vayen, as the least-trustworthy-seeming member of the group. Good persuasion means it works, and Vayen goes off to interrogate Lester Jawhold while the rest of the team heads into town to ask around about Lumiere's past victims.

First, on the way back to town, they speak with Chitch Ssarzar, the lizardfolk with the apparent military background. He's got one hell of a sob story for them!

Saelhen du Fishercrown: 24 PERSUASION (8) all i do is win Benedict I. (GM): That'll do it- Chitch is pretty horrified at the implication that you're actually trying this, but with sufficient reassurance, he'll spill his guts. He came to Grain back when it was just Grain, twenty-odd years ago, hoping to raise his infant daughter somewhere less dangerous than the Cutthroat Islands. Then, during the fire, his daughter was kidnapped by the wizard, and he tried storming the tower to get her back. He got captured, strapped to a rack, and had his flesh flensed and healed and flensed and healed repeatedly. At one point he thought he'd get a reprieve, when the wizard's teakettle went off and he went downstairs to get some tea- but the flensing knives just kept going, by themselves, without stopping. He never saw his daughter again. He was eventually released, and thanked for his service, and by that point he was too traumatized to ask Lumiere what happened to his daughter, in case it provoked him to torture him more. He's pretty wracked with guilt over the situation.

They get a rough description of the first few floors of the tower, up to the torture room. Plus, some exposition on the town's history:

Looseleaf: Okay. More questions: this time, asking about the town. It was called Grain, once? It split into two towns and now Barley hates Wheat? There was a fire? How did this all come to happen such that a single town turned in on itself? Benedict I. (GM): Yes- either 28 or 29 years ago, he forgets exactly, there was some feuding between farmers growing different crops. The ones with less fertile soil, sandier towards the southeast and closer to the mountains, had some kind of grudge against the landowners with more fertile soil, and it was this whole political infighting nightmare he didn't understand, as he was new in town. Then the dragon attacked, and... he's not entirely sure what happened, because accusations were flying left and right, but apparently some people tried to use the dragon attack as cover to commit arson against their enemies? Saelhen du Fishercrown: DRAGON Looseleaf: A FUCKING DRAGON Benedict I. (GM): And most of the town burned down, and when it came time to rebuild, nobody wanted to build near each other- and there was some sort of weird religious split between Family and Harmony so that most of the Harmony people decided to go grow wheat on the worse land, and the Family people went to go grow barley on the better land. He'd never been super involved with the split, as a newcomer, and spent the early rebuilding period being tortured- Barley was just the closest civilization after he was set free. Looseleaf: Mmmmm. A tragedy, all around, gods-damn. Saelhen du Fishercrown: caused by a dragon. a dragedy, if you will.

Then it's off to visit the innkeeper, Cassie Zeishus.

Benedict I. (GM): When you reach the inn, you meet Cassie Zeishus, the innkeeper. She tells you about the time she visited the torture wizard to see if her husband was there. Looseleaf: Oh, yeah, you know. Just, a conjugal visit. To the torture tower. Benedict I. (GM): Apparently her husband, kind of a good-for-nothing out-of-towner she married largely as a charity case, kept on gambling and trying to sleep around and doing general sleazy vice stuff, and was miserable in a town that didn't want to indulge him- and she's pretty sure he faked getting kidnapped by the torture wizard to escape it. Saelhen du Fishercrown: as one does definitely not victim-blaming Benedict I. (GM): This was corroborated by Lumiere quite pleasantly answering the door and telling her no, he hadn't seen hide nor hair of this Arnie fellow, and would she like to come in for tea? And her saying no, no thank you, and walking away. Looseleaf: Huh. Benedict I. (GM): She doesn't know why the guy let her leave, despite a propensity for forcing people inside and torturing them in the past. She chalks it up to having been very intimidating towards him.

Saelhen also tries to inquire about Kensa, Thalath's sister, who's apparently in some sort of dire straits here. She doesn't want to give away that she's asking about Kensa deliberately, so she takes something of a garden path of conversation, about Malath and why the townsfolk call her "Mother". Eventually she gets to Kensa, who apparently weaves cloth and sells it to the general store, where she can be found around this time of day. (She's apparently got something going on with the shopkeep's son.)

Looseleaf: these affairs might not be something we can intervene constructively in. Saelhen du Fishercrown: I mean, Saelhen's definitely abducting this child Looseleaf: gosh, well, when you put it that way, how could we not. Saelhen du Fishercrown: let's visit the general store! saelhen enjoys cloth.

At the general store, they find... not really any evidence that anything bad is going on with Kensa. She seems... fine? Also six feet tall and jacked as hell, because she's a goliath and their twelve-year-olds are just like that?

Kensa notices Lady Noeru de la Surplus' fancy silk dress, and fangirls over it immediately.

Benedict I. (GM): "Whoa, is that silk?" "I don't know if we have any silk in the back, but-" "Silk?" the girl by the window asks. "Ohmigosh, you have a silk dress? Ohmigosh, how much did it cost?" Saelhen du Fishercrown: "Ah." Saelhen expected a little more resistance than this! "15 gold, when I bought it." Benedict I. (GM): "Whooooaaaa..." She's looking the dress up and down with obvious envy. "Nnnnngh, but I don't have... fifteen gold..." Looseleaf: oh my gosh she wants to buy it

Benedict I. (GM): "It's- hang on, if I get ten, will you sell it?" "I can probably get ten! And I'll throw in a replacement!" "Not silk, but-" "Uh, Mr. Teller, do you still have last week's stuff in the back?" Looseleaf: this kid's great Benedict I. (GM):"It's good, I promise!"

Saelhen, being a con artist and kind of a jerk, turns down the offer, but skillfully reframes the issue by exploiting Kensa's love of textiles to get it repaired on the cheap in exchange for a swatch or two of the fabric. Great... job...?

After interrogating the townsfolk, Looseleaf has a bright idea- she wants to buy a climbing pack to scale the tower from the outside. It costs her extra, since new stuff has to be custom-forged overnight (a remote farming village like this doesn't have much call for climbing packs), but she gets it.

Vayen comes back, with testimony from Lester. It's not much they didn't get from Chitch- just a note that apparently vegetables were chopping themselves in Lumiere's kitchen.

Looseleaf: i should get some food too maybe! anyways all this is really pointing hard to 'the four-pronged stabby painblades move on their OWN'. it's not clear who's BEHIND it, but it's pretty obvious now that all the clues point towards the stabbies being the culprit.

The next morning, they head out to the tower. They notice a couple things: one is a sign that reads: " KEEP SHOUTING",

and the other is a bunch of broken glass and rubble strewn across the ground. Looking up, they notice the sixth floor seems to have had a large window smashed open. Weirdly, less glass on the ground than you'd expect if it'd been smashed open from the inside.

Looseleaf's Animist class can Detect Magic, sorta, and it's pretty clear to her that the front door is magic- so rather than fall for an obvious trap, she puts her plan into action. She can jump 30 feet up with the aid of her wings, so she's able to jump straight to the third floor and try to drive a piton into the stone to drop a rope for the rest of the party.

Here is a list of problems with that plan:

Looseleaf has tiny little sticklike moth arms, which exert insufficient force to drive pitons into stone with no leverage.

Breaking a window to attach the rope to instead results in a broken window.

Inside the broken window is a spindly suit of armor covered in nasty spikes, which immediately springs to life and turns to face whoever just broke a window next to it.

Also an alarm goes off.

Looseleaf is able to get the rope secured before the living armor attacks her, and jumps back out the window- as a moth, she essentially has Feather Fall on at all times. Still, going in through that window presents a problem.

They've noticed something, though- the automaton doesn't seem to be chasing them out the window. It's just standing there, staring down at them. This... gives Looseleaf a bright idea.

Orluthe has to make his grapple check with disadvantage, given that he's trying to snag this thing with his halberd with one hand while clinging to the side of a building by a rope, but luckily this thing botches its own roll thanks to its patented "stand perfectly still because there are no intruders in the building" maneuver.

It takes a bunch of fall damage from hitting the ground, is knocked prone, and the remainder of the party immediately unloads on it on a surprise round with crits for a bazillion damage, killing it before it can move.

This was a really good idea!

Too bad there was another one just inside, which Orluthe is now alone with!

...Wait, no, he's a giant wolfman in football armor and he suplexes the other one out the window, where the exact same thing proceeds to happen to it. Okay. Cool.

With that, the party makes their way inside. Whatever the alarm was, it seems to have died down, physically- whatever was powering it petered out. Plus, Looseleaf's magic detection means there's no way they could get caught in any traps!

Any magic traps!

Saelhen fails her perception check while walking across the room to a treasure chest and hits a tripwire and a net falls from the ceiling, trapping her and Oyobi! I bet this would be a really dangerous trap if there were, say, two menacing spiky robots bearing down on them trying to kill them while they were defenseless. As is, though... it's a minor inconvenience.

After this snafu, Saelhen tries to pick open the chest, only to find that the lock is a) quite well-made, and b) itself trapped, with a poison needle in the locking mechanism designed to go off if a lockpicking attempt fails. She just barely gets her fingers away in time, and opts to leave this treasure chest to loot later, after they're done here.

The stairs up from floor 3 seem to be blocked off by a translucent red magic barrier, so Looseleaf resumes the original plan. She stands on the windowsill of the third floor, and just flaps up to the fourth floor, looking inside and this time unlocking the window telekinetically from the inside, rather than breaking it and setting off an alarm.

When she opens the window (to the torture laboratory), some more very scary torture robots immediately go after her, as do a variety of flying knives that have quite a bit of movement speed and stab her repeatedly.

Maybe this idea had some flaws.

Next time: Looseleaf hopefully doesn't get turned into moth sashimi by animated torture implements! More dungeon is crawled! Some jerk falls down the stairs and it's hilarious!

#tfj log #twofaced jewel #d&d 5e

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ma-gic-gay · 3 years

Note

In Port Charles, New York, there was never a large amount of time without someone having a near death experience, death, or traumatic event.

Michael and Willow had been pretty fortunate, ever since they got married the only bad thing that had happened was Wiley being kidnapped and they had all recovered from that, mainly. Granted, they still checked on him twice a night, but it didn't matter. Everyone was healing and the pair were trying desperately to tell each other what they felt without actually saying the words.

So it seemed it was time for them to deal with a traumatic event, according to whatever controls what happens with people in this town.

Whatever controls these people's lives decides to make them get caught up in a gunfight, where Willow was about to get shot. She had been kidnapped hours before and was being used as a pawn in a scam Cyrus had concocted against Sonny. He knew Sonny cared about Michael's family, but that he couldn't get Michael himself or he'd be killed.

When Jason and Sonny fired their guns at Cyrus and his guys, they'd fired back at a tied up, scared Willow. Michael jumped in front of them, his own gun firing as he was shot in the chest. The bullet just grazed Willow, and though she was in intense pain, the worst she'd ever felt, her first concern was Michael. He needed medical attention immediately, or else he'd die.

That brings us to the present, where Willow got shot in the shoulder and Michael's still in surgery to try and save his life. When they'd had her sign something earlier for it, a medical form she didn't know quite the details of, it had really set in. Michael could be dead because he was trying to save her life. Willow's bullet had been a through and through wound; they were able to get her all taken care of quickly. She's bandaged and traumatized, but fine. Michael, on the other hand, could be bleeding out on an operating table for all she knows. He got shot in the chest and the doctors think it's in an artery.

There are no words to describe how she felt, finding out that her husband had a large chance of death. Cyrus, stupid Cyrus and his mob games he had to play with Sonny. Stupid, stupid Sonny. If he wasn't in the damn mob, Willow never would've been kidnapped and Michael never would've been shot. He wouldn't be fighting for his life on an operating table right now, trying not to die. This was Sonny's fault as much as it was Cyrus's.

Sonny enters her room cautiously. "Willow, I'm so sorry you got caught up in all this. You never should have been involved in this situation in the first place and I have no clue why you were even on Cyrus's radar in the first place."

"I think that you should know damn well why I was shot, Sonny! The same reason Michael was, because you're in some territory fight with him. You're lucky Carly didn't get shot or another innocent bystander in your fight with him. Your mob war is fine, but I don't want anything to do with it. I married Michael, and I knew that it meant I was marrying into a mob family with you being his dad and all, but I didn't expect this! Your son is fighting for his life on an operating table right now because of you! I got shot because of you! My son could be in danger or on the radar of a known mobster right now because of you and your actions!" Willow angrily shouts at him.

The mobster is confused before he responds, "Don't you think I know that, Willow? Don't you think I feel terrible about my son having to fight for his life because of me again? I'm not a monster, despite you apparently seeing me as one. This life- it's not what I ever thought my life would be. In some ways, it's so much better, but in others, it's terrible. I don't know how you got to be involved in this, or if Wiley's on their radar, but my guys will take care of it."

"Take care of it meaning you're going to put us on house arrest like you did your entire family because you can't control the mob wars you start? Or maybe we'll have a guard following us everywhere we go like Joss. I'm sure I could get some pointers from her about how to live your life with a guard following you," she fires back, heart racing and angry.

"My family means everything to me. I-I would never do something that I thought could put my family in danger. I'm having one of my guys check right now and see if Wiley's on their radar. They're gone, the bad guys. No one is hurting any of you because you're all good people. Michael's the former head of ELQ and lives at the Quartermaine mansion, so I don't know if he was on their radar because of his last name, but I also don't know why you're the one they took. If they wanted to kidnap someone, Michael probably would've been easier to than you were," Sonny ponders, clearly apologetic about his actions.

Thinking for a moment, Willow breathes deeply, wincing slightly. "I'm sorry I blew up, but I'm anxious right now. I mean, my husband is on the operating table. Not exactly a great thing for me, or Wiley. I also got shot, which isn't exactly a fun experience. Add in the kidnapping, I'm pretty sure that there's such a high amount of adrenaline in my system right now I could be having a panic attack."

Jason enters the room with Sam and Dante. "How you holding up?"

"Shot, kidnapped, angry, scared, traumatized. I'm wondering, why did they pick to come after me? Sure, Cyrus and all them know I'm married to Michael, that's not old news, but if they wanted to get mad at Sonny, why not take one of his kids?" Willow asks, trying to distract herself from the fact that her husband could be bleeding out right now and that she's in a hospital bed with a gun wound.

"Well, Michael and I are adults. We've dealt with this stuff before, it'd be harder to just kidnap us. Avery is at Ava's, and they don't want to mess with Julian or Nikolas. Donna's got so much security around her, it'd be near impossible to, and Kristina would make an absolutely terrible hostage. Joss has a guard following her, and would also be a bad hostage. All of us wouldn't be good targets to kidnap, and so there could be the argument he could have taken one of Jason's kids, but they're all innocent in everything and Jason would go ballistic. It just wouldn't make sense. You, however, are new to this life, married to a Corinthos, have a child with one, and don't really seem like you've been kidnapped before," Dante explains.

"So I was the easiest target for them to take, pretty much?" Willow asks and they nod.

Sam speaks up now, "It makes sense that if they wanted Michael, they'd take you. Wiley's a bad target, considering that there's so much energy put into making sure he's okay at all times. You're his wife and he loves you, so they want to lure him in, they take you. Tell him exactly where to find you, exactly what to do to get you back. Only thing is, they didn't count on Sonny and Jason being there too. So they saw them and got scared. Shot at you since you were still tied up and Michael, being Michael, saved you. They wanted to hurt Sonny and the best way to do that is by hurting his family. You were the easiest target and collateral damage."

Willow sighs, angry and hurt. "So in an effort to hurt Sonny and Jason, they wanted to hurt Michael. They knew that they couldn't take him, so they take me instead and make him come get me and try to kill us both?"

"These people run off of trying to find a soft spot. This one matched for both of them. Carly was probably their second choice, except she's an absolutely terrible hostage and they know it would've been too obvious. If they could kill you and Michael, Sonny lets down his guard because he's grieving and probably raising Wiley. I'm grieving, everyone involved in the business is grieving. They can take over Port Charles. It's unfair and cruel, but true," Jason summarizes to her.

Portia comes into the room then, looking somber. "Is he okay? What-what's happening with Michael?" Willow asks immediately, frantic for news on her husband.

"Willow, the bullet that hit Michael was in one of his arteries. We were able to remove the bullet, but we don't know if he'll survive. The surgery was intense, and the damage he took to his heart was as well. His body, like yours, has faced a huge trauma, but since his was to his heart, we're not comfortable yet with anything," the doctor tells her and the brunette bursts into tears. It's like her heart is slowly cracking and they're dragging out what's happening.

"Portia, just tell it to us straight: What are the odds?" Jason asks, face emotionless.

"Michael has a 50% chance of survival," Portia admits. "The next 24 to 48 hours are going to be crucial to getting more exact odds. Right now, he's not allowed any visitors, but we will be changing that in a few hours. I'm so sorry I don't have better news."

Those are the words it takes for everyone to be crying. Jason, in a rare showing of emotion, looks like he's going to break down. Sam's face says it all: She's heartbroken. Michael's practically a son to the both of them, especially Jason. But Sonny, his face is the truly heartbreaking one. He breaks down right then and there, sitting on the floor of the room and crying. Dante looks shocked, like he's not processing this. "What the hell?" He asks. "Dad, what the hell is it with you and killing my brothers? First Morgan, now Michael?"

"Dante, your brother is still alive. He is in critical condition, but alive. The odds of survival will likely increase after I go to check on him in a few hours," Portia calmly explains as Carly runs into the room, crying.

Carly runs to the space in between Jason and Sonny and asks, "What's wrong with my baby? Why won't they let me see him? Is he alive?"

"Yes, Michael is alive. He was shot in the chest and it got in an artery. The surgical team was able to save him, though he is in critical condition with what I'm predicting is a 50% chance of survival. He will be allowed visitors in a few hours," Portia spiels, everyone understanding it more now and the room more tearful than before. "Carly, if you want, Joss and Dev are more than welcome to stay with Trina and I for the next few days, since I know you and Sonny will be here, and I presume Jax will be as well."

"Thank you, Portia. That would be great if it's not too much trouble," Carly thanks her, tears still streaming down her face.

"Of course," Portia smiles before leaving the room. "Jason, that offer extends to Danny and Scout too."

"That's nice, but they're gonna be staying with Elizabeth and her boys. Thank you for offering," he says solemnly, tears building up in his eyes.

The room has an aura of sadness as everyone processes the information they've been given. Michael has a 50% chance of dying, and a 50% chance of surviving. All because of Sonny's stupid fight with Cyrus. Despite what she may have said, Willow is still beyond upset with Sonny, as is Dante.

"Sonny, you caused this. Not Cyrus, you. By starting that stupid fight with him, you put all of our lives on the line. Now, Michael's fighting for his life in a hospital bed and Willow's been shot too! The only reason we're in this situation is you and your stupid mob war. You're lucky I'm not PCPD anymore, or I'd arrest you for all of your illegal activities and put you behind bars because none of us deserve to have this be our lives!" Dante shouts at his father, angry and needing someone to blame but truthful.

"I know that, Dante! I know that I'm the reason my son could die. I'm the reason Morgan did too, I know. I'm so sorry, Willow, that you got caught up in this because they wanted Michael," Sonny tearfully tells his oldest son.

Willow takes a deep breath, calming her sobs. "I am angry at you, but I know that it's Cyrus's fault I got kidnapped and that Michael and I got shot. Why I was kidnapped, I still don't fully understand, but I can see how badly you feel about this. So I accept your apology, but I can't forgive you for this yet."

Dante breathes, trying to calm himself, as he says, "They took you because Michael loves you and they wanted him to get to Sonny. It's stupid and rude, but the truth."

Love? That four letter word hadn't been said by either of them yet; they were getting annulled for God's sakes!

That would probably be getting put off indefinitely while Willow and him were recovering from their gun shot wounds. It would be easier on everyone because Monica would be there if something bad happened to either of them and Wiley wouldn't have to move around or anything.

Noticing her silence, Sam asks, "You didn't know that?"

"Is it that obvious?" Willow asks, noting that the pain of the wound is starting to go down.

"Yeah," Dante laughs. "It's really obvious. Stupidly obvious, to be honest. You two, I presume, have been in love with each other for at least a few months by now. It's just that neither one of you wants to say it because you're scared you'll ruin your friendship somehow or whatever."

There's a quiet laughter in the room for a few moments before the air turns somber again and tears come back full force. It's evident that all of them are in pain, emotionally and, for Willow, physically.

Several hours later, Willow's entire hospital room is full of people. Maxie, Spinelli, Anna, Finn, Monica, Bobbie, Brook Lynn, Ned, Jax, Joss, Dev, Cam, Elizabeth, Franco, Nina, Lulu, Lucy, even Sasha and Chase are there. A lot of people know Michael, and a lot of them care a lot about him. It warms Willow's heart to see that, to know that the man she loves has so many people who love him and care about him.

Portia comes in the crowded room with Trina, who envelopes Joss in a hug. "Michael can have guests now," Portia tells them, "but only one at a time. He may still be a bit woozy from the anesthesia, if he's even awake. He will likely be confused somewhat and drifting in and out of sleep. Don't talk about anything serious with him, or he'll get more confused."

As she leaves the room, Joss says, "I think Willow should go first. If there's anyone Michael would want to see first, I think it would be her."

Everyone nods their agreement and Elizabeth goes to get Willow a wheelchair. Sitting in the chair is fine, standing and walking isn't. She already hates how much this is slowing her down, considering that she's always been so quick to go and do things. This is pretty much just a shitty situation.

Elizabeth comes back, wheelchair in tow, and Willow moves to get in it, wincing in pain but ignoring that. She's got a husband to see. "You know," she jokes, "Michael and I never had a honeymoon. I guess this is the closest we'll get before our annulment."

"If I hear one more word about that annulment," Carly threatens and Monica agrees.

"I'm not letting you two make this decision, no annulment!" Dante smiles and everyone laughs for a minute except Chase and Sasha, but it's obvious that they mean it.

"Our fans grow," Willow chuckles as Elizabeth wheels her into Michael's room, which isn't far from her own.

"For what it's worth, and not that my opinion has anything to do with your marriage to Michael because it doesn't, you two do make a very good couple in a way I don't think we've seen around here in a while. Again, not my spot, but still, I think you two have some talking to do before you agree to end your marriage," Elizabeth tells her. "Count me as a fan."

Chuckling, the pair go into Michael's room, where the energy is instantly changed to more of a sad, somber energy. After all, he is in a hospital bed, hooked up to a lot of tubes and machines. Willow was lucky, her IV could go with her. Michael's setup is much more complicated.

Willow's wheeled up to his bed before Elizabeth leaves, telling her to just text someone when she needs to get wheeled away again. It's evident Elizabeth can't stand to be in the room much longer.

When she leaves, tears start streaming down Willow's face. This is more difficult than she thought it would be, though she was trying to joke her way through it. Her heart aches seeing him like this, the man she married fighting for his life in a hospital bed. It's heartbreaking, knowing that she's got a chance of him not making it, that he'll die on her. She knows he'll fight like hell to stop it, but at the end of the day, you can't always get what you want.

It's this thought that makes her want to say what she's been feeling, confess like she's in some movie or something. The words have been on her mind for weeks, but she couldn't bring herself to say them because there was a chance he didn't feel the same.

Opening her mouth to speak, Willow notes that only a sob comes out. It's not a pretty sound by any means, if anything it's an ugly one, but it's okay because Michael's still alive. "This, what I feel for you, it's hard to put into words but I'm going to give it my best shot. I fell for you because you're you. That makes no sense, I know, but that's why I fell for you. I fell for you because you're so unapologetically yourself, even when it's causing an issue. I fell for you because I want the whole thing, the stupid little fights and the joking, the love that's always there. I fell for you because when I look into your eyes, I stop thinking. I fell for you because that look you give me, that keeps me up at night trying to figure out what it means. When we kissed, I can still feel it when I go to sleep at night. You, without my knowledge, walked into my heart and just decided to get comfy. Falling in love with you was beyond my control, but I'm okay with it. This- falling for you has been the scariest thing in my life because I'm giving you the power to destroy me. You're destroying me, not knowing if you'll make it or not. It breaks my heart, knowing you could die because of me. I couldn't deal with it if you die. So hang on long enough for us to watch movies while eating a pizza we just bought in a Walmart. Hang on long enough to have stupid pillow fights with me in bed at three am because Wiley's starting school tomorrow and we can't fall asleep. Do it for me, do it for him. Do that for us. I love you, Michael, and I don't see that ending so please, just wake up."

By the end of her beautiful proclamation, Willow's full on crying. Tears are streaming down her cheeks and her heart is broken. Even though he's not dead, Willow just spilled her heart to him. It could be the last thing she ever says to him when he's alive, that she loves him. That thought terrifies her, that he could die and never fully know if he knows she loves him.

"I don't know what it is, but somehow, you can always make me smile even when I'm feeling the worst I've ever felt in my life. Without me even thinking, I can see a future with you. A future full of a couple more kids and happiness. Don't get me wrong, I know romance isn't always happily ever after. But still, I know loving someone the way I love you is so uncommon, especially so quickly. I love you, and I'm going to tell you that because it's true. You deserve to know the truth, and simply put, that's the truth. Those three words that terrified me have been so common in my brain thinking of you. And telling you, it makes me feel relieved. Because you deserve to know these things. At the end of the day, you deserve to know I love you," Willow tearfully tells him. "So you can't die on me, okay? I love you and we haven't even started our story yet, so you've got to survive so we can have our happy ending."

No response from Michael, nothing. His vitals are the same and he looks the exact same too, still great but wounded. He looks frail, lying in that hospital bed.

Maybe her words can't save him. Maybe he's already gone, already left her. It's sad to think about and makes her breakdown, sobs coming from her mouth with tears so plentiful she can't even see anything. She takes his hand, holding it in hers. This, this is the moment in all those movies where he would squeeze her hand, wake up.

Life isn't a move though, she realizes, as she continues speaking. "I get it if you're already gone and your heart's still beating, but selfishly, I want you to wake up. I want you to wake up and we can stop the annulment, fall even more in love. Selfishly, I want a huge love story where we're together for so long that people ask if we're still together and wonder how we are because we've been together so long."

"And so you have to be okay, you have to wake up from this, you have to. I get it if you don't know entirely, or if you don't fully want to, but Wiley and I need you to. Everyone here, and everyone in the waiting room, everyone crowded in my room needs you to wake up. I love you," Willow tearfully reminds him.

She pulls out her phone and texts Elizabeth she's okay to leave the room, that someone else can come in, and within a minute, Carly's in there, staring at her son, equally as heartbroken, if not more, as Willow is. Carly's been through this before; Michael was in a coma for a year and a half at one point. That doesn't mean it's less heartbreaking or easier; if anything, the opposite is true.

"I'm so sorry this is happening to you," Willow says to Carly. "I can't even imagine what you're going through."

"Thank you. I know exactly what you're going through, Willow. Sonny and Jason have been through this enough, I know just how bad it hurts and how worried you are. But Michael's strong, he'll survive this. I have faith he will survive long enough for you both to have a happy family and me to have more grandbabies. Don't even try to say that I'm wrong, because he loves you as well," Carly smiles sadly at her, tears still streaming down her face.

Willow can't help the smile on her face when she hears that. "It's good to know someone's sure of that, because I'm sure as hell not."

Carly laughs, incredulous. "How do you not see it, Willow? He's told me, flat out, that he loves you. It's so obvious that you two love each other that the fact you're both denying it or not thinking about your love for each other is getting annoying."

"I don't know. I guess I just didn't think he loved me back, but I'm going to wait for Elizabeth."

Elizabeth walks in and wheels a teary eyed Willow back to her room. "I take it that he's not up yet?"

"Nope, he's still not up. I spilled my guts to him and he's still asleep or whatever he's doing," Willow explains to her, showing off her lack of medical knowledge.

"Well, I'm sure he'll be up in a few hours, Willow. This is Michael we're talking about, he'll pull through. He always does."

When she says that, the pair have reached the room, which is still crowded with people. Willow gets herself back in bed, despite the pain that causes. After all, it's not like she's going to die getting in bed.

More time passes, and everyone goes into Michael's room until everyone's visited and he's still unconscious. It's heartbreaking, knowing that the longer he takes to wake up, the lower his chances of survival are. Medical odds are terrible sometimes.

Jason goes back into Michael's room, noting that his phone was left there on accident. Willow nods her head, pretending she heard what he said.

When he comes back, there's a huge smile on his face very unlike what you have happen when you find your phone. "Michael's awake," he says.

Tears of sadness are replaced with tears of joy as the room gets a much happier energy. "Can I go see him?" Willow asks, already getting out of bed and into the wheelchair that has been left at her bedside.

"He's asking for you," Jason says, hugging Sam tight to him.

Willow smiles widely as Dante pushes her down the hall. "Please let this make you two say how you feel about each other," he smirks.

"I already have, but I don't know if he heard it," Willow smiles at him.

"Well, sister in law and cousin in law in a completely unconvoluted way, I think he did and know he feels the same so if you two aren't together by the end of this, I will be very upset," Dante jests as they reach Michael's room.

He steers her up to his bedside, as close as she can get, and then leaves the room.

"Willow," Michael says, voice quiet. It's probably because he's just speaking again after major heart surgery.

"I'm right here," Willow smiles, grabbing his hand gently.

She watches as a smile comes across his face and he looks at her with the look he always gives her. "Good. I don't want you leaving me alone in here. This room is kinda creepy and very boring, but you make it happier. You make everything happier. I heard what you said earlier. Well, parts of it. It was beautiful and if I wasn't coming out of an anesthetic because I got shot, I'd probably be able to say something much more beautiful than I'm about to, but I love you. So please stay married to me."

"I would love nothing more than to stay married to you, Michael," Willow tells her husband truthfully. "You scared me for a while there, I was so worried that you'd die on me before we could have our love story."

"Hey, I'm not that bad. I would never die on you and Wiley. But our love story has already begun, because it's been brewing since we met. Now, it's just turning romantic officially," he smiles at his wife. "If you think of it, us getting shot was kind of a great thing because now we're telling each other what we otherwise wouldn't be."

"Thank you for showing up when you did," she thanks him, "and for saving me. I would've died had it not been for your bravery."

"I wasn't being brave, I was so pissed I wanted to kill those bastards but I needed to keep you safe. So I took a bullet to the chest, but it's worth it," Michael explains. "If you died, I would have never forgiven myself. So thank you for being a good hostage to them so that no one actively wanted to kill you until I got there with my dad and Jason."

They both let out a chuckle, though Michael winces in pain a few times. "That wheelchair can't be comfortable for your back, do you want to come up here? There's plenty of room."

"I don't know if Portia would allow that," Willow smirks at him, "but I doubt she'd object too harshly."

Several minutes later, Willow's in the hospital bed next to Michael and they're both fast asleep.

Words

#tw: kidnap mention #injury #gunshot tw #mafia tw #death tw #hospital tw

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