#like idk hes not the reason im depressed but ig hes not helping either but i also dont want him to be the only reason im happy too | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

b0nywh0res · 1 year

Text

hi!! so since im not active 24/7 anymore i feel like u missed a lot so little update!!

i lost most of my friends. ive had so many depressive episodes and then weird episodes where i would hate them and want them to die. so ig it makes sense but also they know that i have these episodes but wtv not everyone can handle that and i respect that. they didnt have to be such bitches abt it tho. i got them muffins as apology bc i rlly cant control those episodes and they fucking rolled their eyes at me. girl. ur acting as if ur not fucking toxic urself. at least own it omg.

L and i got sooo close irl. shes been way more touchy w me which i rlly appreciate bc its so comforting and makes me feel so much more loved than just words.

and uhm. today was the worst day of my life. i had a panic attack during english class so i left and decided to skip the next period which is allowed if ur in a bad mental state. i told a teacher and he was like okay fine but for some reason the secretary still called my mom? she was so mad bc she doesnt believe in mental illnesses and all that yk so i was too scared to go home. i told my homeroom teacher and she said that there was obv a bigger underlying issue that was causing this. i basically started sobbing and she was so kind to me and hugged me. she even started crying w me oml.

she said that one of the teachers saw me looking at pro-ana sites in class(probably tumblr i hate yall LMAO) and they told her. she wouldnt tell me who it was. if i find out who snitched i will hshdhsjdh. i fr cant let anyone know abt my ed but god i was so close to telling her everything.

she said that i dont have any adults in my life who i can rely on and that i carry way too much for a teenager. shes getting me a school therapists and tbh i dont think itll help much bc ive had a few before but shes so nice to me so ill try. idk if im ready to talk abt my ed yet but i def want to do smth abt my mood swings and everything that comes w it. its so tiring.

she couldnt rlly do anything abt my moms anger so she told me that it was just one day and that i could get through it and i would speak w her again tmr. heating her say that was a real relief ngl. my mom hasnt ever been this mad(except for that one time 3 years ago when she wouldnt allow me anywhere but the attic for 3 weeks) and its rlly scary. home situation isnt great and school isnt either but god id do anything to be at school rn.

all in all life still sucks, i love L and now im starting school therapy. woohoo.

#i wish i was thinner #ed vent #just pro for myself #not actually pro anything #eating diary #i want to be small #low cal restriction #ed relapse #weight loss #4na diary #4n0r3x14 #pro 4na #tw ed #ed diet

2 notes · View notes

wooahaes · 2 years

Text

writing thoughts ig

i think whenever i write my fics, i usually do try to like... ask myself what kind of story i want to tell and what kind of like... reader/mc i would use to tell that story? i think most of the time i try to go gender-neutral with my mcs so that people can project onto them.

like... under the sun deals with identity, but more in a sense of the way that you define yourself based on past and present experiences. i dont see that as something i need to gender in the slightest. the period comfort vernon fic, acts of service, isnt gendered either--there’s just a warning that reader does have a uterus because.. it’s a period comfort fic. not everyone w periods is female. i could have done the same with one word at a time (dad!wonwoo fic) but i think i projected more onto that one with some thoughts and fears about being a mom one day.

like obviously all my birthday fics from this year are gendered because i wrote them specifically for my birthday. i didnt have to, but they were mainly for me and i just shared em for funsies.

the flowers fics were all gender-neutral bc idk i think everyone deserves to get flowers + i didnt really have a reason to gender them.

lonely hearts club was specifically me, a chubby woman, writing a fic that doesnt center on a chubby mc and her weight + me wanting to write a chubby woman being actively pined for and loved bc of who she is as a person. no weird caveats based on weight. both tiger strips + beach body are also chubby!fem!reader because the fat experience does differ depending on the way you present yourself. people who are perceived as women tend to get a lot more shit when it comes to the idea of “making up” for being fat. people who get perceived as men will get shit, too, but its usually in a different vein. i won’t go too much into it, but there’s a reason why i gender my chubby!reader fics and it is primarily bc of that difference.

i think while i do prefer and try to write fics where the reader is inclusive, sometimes i want to write a story for people like me tbh? even if people don’t always read them (lhc has very low interaction on it, specifically--so does beach body, but tiger stripes has decent engagement compared to them), i still think its important to write fics for people like me ig? i like making people happy.

i also like proving you can write a fic catered more toward fat ppl without making the entire plot “i hate my body sooo much im so ugly and fat no one will ever like me because im not skinny :(” and having the love interest go “babe ur pretty” and have that fix all their issues. self esteem can absolutely be a topic of conversation because i was talking with some friends the other day about the way weight gets handled in media (mainly on the topic of weight loss) and fatphobia itself. we kinda talked about a (shitty, according to a lot of ppl) anime adaptation of something where one character gets called fat and proceeds to essentially starve himself + overexercise until hes skinny and then he gets to be happy and confident and “earn” a friend. or media where a characters weight is constantly made fun of the entire time, even if they lose it--it’s constantly used to degrade them or for cheap laughs.

i think the topic of self esteem could be fully approached in writing in general. its not an issue exclusive to fat people, sure, but i think people forget that hating yourself wont just go away because one person loves you--especially if it goes deep. it gets tiring to read chubby!reader fics when so many of them feature a reader who is also depressed and hates themself, especially when it’s just waved away when reader receives love. having supportive people in your life can help, sure, but it doesn’t just... cure it. that’s the shit that happens in badly written romance movies that are definitely written by people who don’t know what it’s like to legit hate yourself and/or the way you look. loving yourself is a hard journey for everyone.

anyway im getting rambley so ill shut up now sdkfhdsf just know i like writing inclusive fic but when i get exclusive its bc thats the way i want to tell a story? lonely hearts club wouldn’t have worked the same way imo had i imagined a skinny reader by default. it would have touched on self-love in a different way + reader’s fears about pursuing ww would have been rooted a little differently. UtS reader outright being a fem!reader would have shifted the dynamic a lot and probably touched more on how it feels to basically feel being the sole female among a large group of men and also it probably would have looked even more similar to m*ze r*nner. reader wouldn’t have been treated any differently imo but “last 14 ppl on earth who care for one another” is still at the core of it, but it would have definitely maybe pulled away from skinship a bit more to begin with before they’d all kinda go “fuck it, everyone needs physical comfort sometimes, we’ll just stay mindful of whats crossing a line with u” or w/e

#wooahaes.txt #this is long and if u read it i respect u sfkhsdf its literally just me rambling for a bit

3 notes · View notes

jojonokimyounaboukeneyesofheaven · 2 years

Text

idk if ill msg u on ur bday anymore im super conflicted abt it and U in general and i dont think i like should try and get back into ur life but i also like idk i wanna check in plus like i dont want u to think im gonna forget jt or somethin so idk idk idk idk what im gonna do idk if i want to know u anymore but idk if i like can live anymore without u so idk what im even doing ahahahah

idk everything abt everything sucks i hate u but i miss u and when i think abt u i can feel my chest rotting out but i also like just continuously yearn for having u back and i like every other day am so completely suicidal that i feel like i meed to msg u just to get some sort of stability thru u back but idk if thats what i Need but i also know i am like a complete mess i have nothing but u were never going to be able to be anything to me anyways and so like

idk anything… i feel u are a lost cause but i dont want to think that but i think i Should think that but then i know i have like nothing .. so….. i think my life wouldve been better if i did kms like 4 years ago or if all my psychosis incidents actually did make me schizophrenic already cause atleast then maybe i could like find sollace in knowing i am completey fucked and will never have a life and itll be okay because i was crazy but rn i like am too vlose to being like not mentally fucked but also so incredibly burdened by my own mind that i am like

Always on the cusp of it and so i like i feel like a boat just too big and light to ever get sucked into a whirlpool but just stuck spinning and the only way oht would be to try and swim but thats like a 99% chance of me dying and i like as much as id love to escape life and knowing i will never be able to retain any real human contact or relationships and never be able to really wver feel happy and content because of how i always fuck up every thing i have with anyone i would rather atleast like feel like maybe oneday ill have something but it feels impossible for me to ever like

be anything, either for myself or for someone else. i am too depressed and completely checked out in life to make any of my own dreams a reality and everytime im with someone and want to help make their dreams something i find a way to like fumble hard and end up alone

only reason i havent commited soduko yet is social anxiety of finding a bridge and idk what my suicide note would be to ppl, idk if id even wanna leave my family anything because i am sort of checked out of them emotionally but u and blake like atleast Knew me but idk what id say to either of u, thanks for atleast talking to me ahahahah but also fuck u both for not being perfect which is like INSANE mentality but like i also am completely unperfect and cant even like say anything so idk idk idk, idek what id say to blake he was atleast always a good person i just fucked up a lot and wouldnt settle down but for U misha like, idk.

i hate u but love u.. and ik if i told u i was gonna kms itd fuck u up or atleast id Hope ud be able to feel somethin abt it, hope u stleast stalk my accts or something and arent just like completey detatched feom the past 2 years already, i hope u miss me too.. i hope u feel something too, i hope u arent moved on i just want to know u loved me its been ao long since i felt any affection from u even before we ended everything

why couldnt u just talk abt ur peoblems anymore u said it was a bad thing that u didnt feel like u clukd talk to me but like that was 100% all u all u had to ever do was Try to talk abt it but u just clammed up like u alway do and never opened vack up and ig just locked urself away by ur own anxiety and ur problems just compiled and u never like tries to resolve shit and ik i wasnt oerfect at all like helping u and Us get thru stuff sometimes but thats cause all ur problems were always like.

i want the freedom of being able to be with other ppl ahahahaha and like then u harked on me like i was gonna be the one to cheat and shit when like ALL ur problems was ALWAYS like U wanting to.. and its so fucking stupid like bro why do u think i was so angry abt our breakup and ur reasons cause like all u ever wanted to do was be away from me and then u were like Wow.. i cant believe u talked to blake.. bro thats cause u like made it impossible to talk abt anything with u, u stopped being a person to me u stopped like even trying anymore and then tried to make it up as me having failed and thats why we ended when u just couldnt care enough to get over urself and ur stupid shit to just open up to me anymore and just like wanting to try and thats what i hate abt u u always made me feel like i was mever good enough to even talk to u and then ud just do the worst shit and always cause ruckus in our relationship and then u stopped even wanting to try n resolve shit because it was always U at the center of the problems because U couldnt fucking control urself u always did so much shot without thinking and IIII always felt like the impulsive one even tho u would just like ausefhhgsghh why fi i love u why fo i miss u why cant i just be done with this shit and accept that there was no way wed ever work in a million years why cant i stop being tortured why cant i just be dead

0 notes

michibikionmain · 3 years

Text

This isn’t THE tommyinnit villain essay but it sure is one of them

Ok ok so 4 those of u who aren't on discord with me: i have two main essays that have been in the works for MONTHS, these being my Complete Dream character analysis essay going in-depth for nearly all of his canon interactions and finding his character traits and motivations through the story, and my Tommyinnit (and Wilbur Soot) were Always The Villains on the server essay talking about how the only reason so many people view them as the good guys or heroes is because we see the story from their perspective mainly. This essay? Is not either of those. BUT, it does go through a lot of my thoughts on Tommy and Dream’s characters so I figured I’d post it. maybe itll help me organize my thoughts 4 my Mega Projects lol

@ranboocore bc u helped me pop off on this so hard LMAO

Warning, it’s VERY Tommy Critical, what a suprise. I do not like Tommy as a character lol. idk what triggers yall might need me to tag but if u need one in particular pls lmn!

My biggest issue with tommy's character is that he SAYS hes learned but he never does he is exactly the same person he was at the start of the server just More Sad and with Trauma, when out of all the characters he's had the most push to change. c!Tommy is a very tell-don't-show character which can make it hard for some people to connect to him, especially those who don’t directly share his trauma or see themselves in his character. Of course, there is still a MASSIVE amount of people who relate to his struggles and thus love him regardless of his writing, but those who can't relate to him will always feel some kind of barrier until the things they've talked about are actually shown to the viewer instead of being spoon-fed to them.

It is a very beginner writing thing, and I'm hoping that Tommy is figuring out how to fix this, maybe with support from the many other writers on the server. There's the 3 you mentioned, plus fundy, niki, and maybe tubbo who also play dnd, plus Dream who said he would've been an English major and does a lot of personal writing for fun. I think the biggest issue in the writing lies in the individual ccs being inexperienced in the medium, particularly with planning out their own character growth.

Another glaring issue I have with c!Tommy is how he's framed to be sympathetic and he goes through all these horrible things without acknowledging his role in any of them. The things that have happened to him are a direct result of his actions, but the thing is HE won't acknowledge and so it falls flat. This isn’t to say that being abused is his fault, because it’s NEVER the vicitm’s fault, but being exiled? His multiple fights with c!Dream? His friendships falling apart? Losing the disks in the first place? They’re the direct consequences of HIS OWN actions, but he never acknowledges this and constantly just... brushes off any accountability by either saying that it’s Dream fault or simply SAYING he feels bad without properly showing it through redemption and GROWTH.

Denial is useful in storytelling sometimes, but Tommy's character has been in denial since the very beginning of the server and at this point it's just exhausting. He only ever switches between denial and depression, not really going through all 5 stages of grief properly. His violent/upset reactions would be more powerful if they were any different from how tommy usually acts, but this is always how he is. When he “lashes out” because he’s reached the end of his patience, it doesn’t SEEM like the snap it is because that’s just... it’s seriously just his standard reaction to everything. It hold no WEIGHT to see c!Tommy yell at someone violently or threaten to fight them because he does that anyways!

Static characters can be a good thing, and can be interesting if done correctly, but not every character SHOULD or CAN be static in a story.

Static characters need to have their position or behavior challenged and question, where they look into if the way they see and interact with the world is really the 'correct' one or just evaluated to see if they truly believe in them. This questioning period is CRUCIAL! and NEEDS to be well done in a way that ACTIVELY SHOWS the conflict between the two ideals. If they decide to hold onto their beliefs/continue their behavior then, it feels deserved, because rather than just being a flat "they do thing its who they are" they have defined WHY. WHY is a very important question to think of when telling the difference between dynamic and static characters. The why of a character is ESSENTIAL to developing them as a relatable, sympathetic person rather than a flat story telling device. It makes them a human rather than a puppet. When a character's motives aren't well defined or discussed, they're doomed to fall flat in everything else, because the WHY is the foundation of what makes them who they are.

c!Tommy has an underdeveloped "why", his motivations are weak, rarely properly discussed and when they are it doesn't particularly stick with him. His motivations change without showing us the internal struggle that should come from literally shifting your driving principles. There are some good MOMENTS of him reevaluating the importance of certain things, but they're so spread out and contradictory and immediately spat one that they're hard to piece together. He TELLS us what his motivations are as well, which is another big flaw when it comes to all that but we don't have time to unpack all THAT Anyways, the key to static story telling is reaffirmation. The character goes through a complete journey and ends with the same beliefs because they've looked into why they have them and determined that they still matter to them. A great example of static writing in my eyes is c!Techno, who since the beginning has believed that governments are bad. c!Techno enters the server to destroy a government, and still ends up doing that because he sees and we see him experience that the reasons he didn't like government before still hold true and he has no reason to support them any more than before, and so his anarchist beliefs are REAFFIRMED, proving to him that they way he handles things is the right one for him.

c!Tommy’s attachments are all just... they're all so weird. like he LITERALLY SACRIFICES HIS LIFE MULTIPLE TIMES for L'manburg. By action of sacrifice it seems like it should be the most important thing to him, but then he throws it away for some disks that mattered less to him just a minute ago. But then it's all about how c!Tubbo is worth more than Anything and maybe he's found something more important! but then he shoves THAT out the window for the discs again ig!!! but then it's about l’manburg again? Make it make sense.... pls....

Here's smth that really irks me about Tommy's character, and is kind of weird but give me a second to explain: Tommy has never actually permanently lost much of anything on the server. Every punishment he's ever received he's tried to find some way around. And like... I'm not expecting him to be HAPPY to face the consequences of his actions but seeing him constantly have his cake and eat it too is very irritating, especially when there are characters who DO have to deal with actual permanent sacrifices. The whole thing with the disks. where he WILLINGLY OFFERED THEM UP AND GAVE THEM AWAY THEN SPENT FOREVER TRYING TO STEAL THEM BACK WHILE CLAIMING DREAM STOLE THEM FROM HIM, is the biggest example of this, but it's generally his characters way of dealing with things. He's very backhanded and conniving, constantly calling himself "big man" except for when he wants things from people and he plays up the "iM a MiNoR" card to try and get them to give him things or feel bad. He's not just some sweet innocent kid like people paint him, he knows damn well he's messed up and while he SAYS he feels bad about it, he has never once really shown, with his ACTIONS, regret for what he's done except for the stuff with c!Sapnap, which could it could be argued he did because he thought it would help get c!Sapnap on his side to fight Dream and he knew c!Sapnap was a skilled warrior and could possibly be persuaded to fight with dream.

c!Tommy is in NO way some sweet innocent child, he knows what he's doing. He KNEW l'manburg was a drug empire, and wanted to turn his hotel into the same He was FULLY prepared to just murder c!Schlatt for legally winning an election that he KNEW was rigged AND INTENDED TO HELP RIG HE LITERALLY TEAMED UP WITH c!TECHNOBLADE KNOWING THAT HE INTENDED TO BLOW UP L'MANBURG AND ONLY LEFT WHEN HE REALIZED IT WASN'T GOING TO ACTUALLY HELP HIM--

The line of c!Wilbur saying "Tommy, are we the bad guys?" wasn't him mentally going batshit it was him realizing that the entire time they've been doing terrible things. c!Wilbur was literally ALWAYS Vilbur but the time people CALL Vilbur is when c!Will himself realized he was a villain.

#like. VERY critical #i do not like the child can you tell?#im sorry tommy fans but i am not one of you #and before you ask: Yes I have and do watch his perspective of the SMP just so i can try to understand his thought process #dream smp #dsmp #dream smp analysis #dsmp analysis #critical analysis #prince/pea and i pop off about this so much LOL #this is the first of MANY essays/collective analysis bits ive written about Tommy #lets see how many ill have by the time i finish going through the discord #tommyinnitcritical #discourse #ig. i saw a lot of ppl asking 4 this tag on similar posts so i thought id add it?

31 notes · View notes

naw-naw-honeyimgood · 3 years

Text

ChengQing (lmao never realized that was their fucking ship name)

so pros of (Jiang Cheng/Wen Qing):

one of the few possible het ships available to mdzs fans like there are all of five named female characters and this is the only one not in an established het pairing. and like sure ive seen yanli w/ someone else a couple times but you CANT put her with JIANG CHENG and i cant say ive ever seen mianmian in a serious relationship in fics with anyone besides either her canon hubby or a chick (usually yanli, wen qing herself, or even sometimes both lmao).

it’s basically written itself in cql!! he has a very obv and clear crush on her, even gives her a comb and offers to help her! she seems interested but the way the storyline went it was simply not meant to be :’(

you get to pair off jiang cheng!! ngl once u finish mdzs its kinda sad for everyone not wangxian (in their generation/above) cuz theyre the only one that get a happy ending. Everyone else is forever alone / depressed / bitter or a combination thereof. so it’s nice to see jiang cheng getting a happy ending!

he... gets... kids...? like ngl as a childless person that is happy to stay that way thats not exactly a pro in my eyes but you might look at his relationship w/ jin ling and say “he’s a great father! he deserves to be a father!” which okay good news! wen qing can bear children!

Now. Cons.

for one thing the fact that you have a lack of options doesnt exactly mean every possible het pairing can have good chemistry even if you change circumstances enough. there comes to a point where certain pairings can only be really viable if one or both of them are ooc.

lets be honest im willing to bet that AT LEAST 80% of the reason cql introduced this ship was because they were not allowed to make the wangxian pair explicitly Together (and i dont even mean anything specifically sexual), and they needed SOME SORT of romance to feature in the story. xuanli doesnt count because theyre an established background ship, the jiang parents dont count as romance, we aint talkin about the villain relationships, and lbr, mianmian already had a lot more signif in cql than mdzs. so it makes sense that they took the arguably most important male chara besides wangxian and made him have a crush on the most important female character that wasnt his SISTER.

what im trying to say is that cql pulled that pairing out of a hat. if you look at canon at ALL i highly doubt there would ever have been feelings, just as there never were. we dont quite know the age dif but we know that wen qing was the older sister and wen ning might have been a bit younger? than the boys? cannot quite remember but we dont know if she was only a year or two older or if it was like. mingjue and huaisang. we dont know! and i canNOT see jiang cheng going for an older chick. also their personalities would clash So Much. she has older sis vibes and not the gentle kind like yanli. she snaps at wen ning’s mumbling and stuff a good couple times- you think she’d tolerate jiang cheng’s emotional immaturity? hah.

this also kinda segues into my main point of: as depressing as it is that jiang cheng is forever alone unless you pair him off... he would honestly put whoever you pair him off with through hell. he’s not nice. so many jiang cheng stans like to argue that he’s a traumatized kid that was raised to channel his emotions through anger (and raises bitterness under his skin like an ugly puppy) but inside he has a heart of gold, and they’re... not exactly wrong! i mean- literally every younger chara is traumatized in some way. but... that doesn’t really... excuse the shit he’s pulled? as much as jiang cheng stans like to forget: jin guangyao was RIGHT when he said that jiang cheng’s insecurities got wei ying killed. his CLOSEST ALLY.

tying back to wen qing we have their actual CANON interactions (or lack thereof). wen qing didn’t exactly protect wei ying and jiang cheng out of the goodness of her heart when lotus pier fell: she was protecting wen ning (her BROTHER) from the repercussions of his own actions by saving wei ying (and Jiang Cheng ig idk he was just there bUT YOUNG MASTER WEI-)

not QUITE sure why she agreed to doing the golden core transfer (maybe scientific curiousity? i mean she had an unproven medical theory and here was a volunteer) but it def wasnt For Jiang Cheng.

and then the next time she saw him? do you guys remember the next time she saw him? it’ was when jiang cheng came up to the burial mounds to kill wen ning’s corpse and tell wei ying to turn over the wens.

KEEP IN MIND that jiang cheng KNOWS wen ning and qing SAVED HIS FUCKING ASS after lotus pier (not How but he KNOWS THIS) and yet he still tells wei ying to hand them over.

he makes wei ying choose between what amounts to the cultivation world and his morals.

that does not a good healthy relationship make. also again their personalities would clash like so bad. i love wen qing way more but you have to admit her personality is super similar to madame yu’s. and we already agreed that jiang cheng was traumatized as a kid. im not saying fengmian didnt have a hand in it but you gotta admit a good amount was madam yu and her insecurites and accusations she piled on her son. and you wanna pair him up romantically with someone who won’t take his shit and smile? will call him out? HAH.

im not saying this because i think jiang cheng should be with a softer personalitied (guy) like lan xichen or wen ning or huaisang because god knows those pairings have their own issues. im just saying that in canon-verse all i can ship whole-heartedly is jiang cheng / therapy, but since there is not therapy in canon-verse, or even if there WAS then there’s no way he’d admit to needing it, then yeah he can stay single for all his bitter life. better that than making jiang parent relationship 2.0 like fuck.

(this of course means that in modern aus where he DOES get therapy i am Open)

also real quick but jiang cheng was NOT a good parent to jin ling and i will not take constructive criticism like sure he was better than the jiang parents and the lan parents but that is SUCH a low fuckin bar and it’s a fact that in chapter 9 jin ling literally thinks “if I can’t slice off her head with this blow, I will die here- death it is then!!” (taken gratefully from the exiled rebels scanlation) and that is NOT a healthy-minded child.

the only healthy minded children is like. jingyi. and probably sizhui. although i am not here for the way the lan sect raise children but sometimes you have to take what you can get.

also i want you to look me in the eye and tell me that wen qing could and would do anything besides throw down with someone that so much as looked at her brother wrong

because jiang cheng apparently decided to lay the blame for jin zixuan’s death at wen ning’s feet (which is incredibly ironic considering he blames wei ying for yanli’s death??? like i feel like he could stand to use his brain cells a bit more??) and repeatedly tried to kill him.

#anyway this has been my ted talk #i dunno im just getting kinda tired of a certain writer and their idealized world but eh #it happens a lot too and damn cql certainly made wen qing more waif-ey #i didnt and do not want to get into the implied xianqing either do not start #im just saying that jiang cheng has a lot of flaws that people like to ignore a lot #this is true for many other charas too tbf #jiang cheng #not the angel you like to think he is #wen qing #not exactly the forgiving type #like i said tho they do work well together in modern aus with therapy available #and also tbf this isnt exactly my only issue with this author's fic(s) either lmao but hey #jiang cheng the prat #always ranks p high in my grievances #esp considering its a post-canon fix-it type so jiang cheng still did All That #also in any case this author seems determined to pair off like everyone into mostly het ships #mdzs #this is not for jiang cheng stans lmao #sorry ive been awake for like mayn hours and just got some difficul news and had Thoughts

10 notes · View notes

ithoughtthiswastwitterbutfr · 3 years

Text

Wanda vision thoughts of episode 6 spoliers ofc

It’s startttttinggg I’m so excited I’ve heard good things.

I love the new into im trying to think of what show it’s related too it’s defiantly familiar.

The way it’s filmed like a show with the talks to the camera is making be very happy.

I LOVE WANDAS SCARLETT WITCH COSTUME. Visions too

“I don’t remember it like that,”

“Probably because you suppressed a lot of the trauma,” Now they’re saying it like it is.

“Mom and Dad have been not fighting just different?” Vision is still on edge as he should be honestly

AWW TOMMY IS A MINI QUICKSLIVER THATS SO CUTE.

Ugh now the sword agents are here with the plane and nasty Hayward.

Hayward is trying to pin the whole thing on Wanda again.

“We can’t outgun her and clearly antagonizing isn’t only making things worse,”

He brought up Monica’s mother then quicked the trio off the mission ig.

They took out the sword agents escorting them.

It’s back to the trick or treating and Peter/Pietro said “Raise hell demon spawn,” I may be reading too deep into this but that made me kind of suspicious.

“Do you remember we were in the orphanage after mom and dad died what was the name of that kid who was always trying to steal your boots. He had the... He had the skin thing?” Wanda to Peter/Pietro

“You’re testing me,” Peter/Pietro

“No I’m not,” Wanda

“Hey it’s cool. I know I look different,”

“Why do you... look different?”

Wanda knows this Pietro is different and doesn’t have the same knowledge as the other one which is why she was testing them she just doesn’t know where this version of him came from she’s still clueless to (the multiverse) that world.

This has to be like Uncle Jesse a bit he keeps calling himself Uncle P

“Say it again now all the candy has dissapeared?” Herb then cuts to all the kids looking down cause their candy is gone.

“And now all the jack-o-lanterns have been smashed?” Product of Quicksilver and the twins they’re using powers very openly this episode.

She just found out Vision wasn’t on duty

“Is there something I can do for you Wanda? Do you want something changed?” Herb

She seems caught off by the question I’m assuming that’s her subconscious trying to make up for the fact that vision lied to her and she wants to fix it.

Now she’s confused again.

He sees this woman who is glitching and crying she is trying to put a ghost decoration up over and over again. The she pain she is in is seeping through and I guess the control over her isn’t allowing her to do anything else but struggle to put up the decorations.

“I’m so hungry I’d eat anything,” Commercial snacked on Yo-Magic the kid is too weak to open it and they died. Yo-magic the snack for survivors. Still trying to figure out this commercial

“I got shot like a chump on the street for no reason and the next thing I know I heard you calling me. I knew you needed me,” Pietro/Peter very suspicious it’s a different multiverse Pietro but he definitely has bad intentions. He also brought up “isn’t that what you wanted?” Hinting to Wanda calling the shots.

Tommy had super speed now great now he’s running everywhere after Wanda told him to take it slow because she can’t control him.

“Do go past Ellis Lane,” I’m assuming that’s where that’s where hex cuts off.

The people near the edge are barely moving because they’re out of Wanda magic reach I think.

Also where’d Wanda get all those kids from there were none before.

Monica and the Jimmy and Darcy trio found out Hayward is tracking vision so now they can find out how sus be really is.

Vision is flying up to see everything and he here’s Halloween phrases and he sees a parked car

Should be Agnes from the trailer.

“ Town square scare. Where is it?” Agnes

“Oh, well the Town square I expect,” Vision

Agnes let out a creepy laugh.

“Took a wrong turn got lost,” there are tears in her eyes.

“In the town you grew up in?”

Vision pulls her out of the control.

“You... you’re one of the avengers youre vision are you here to help us?”

“I am Visuon. I do want to help. What’s an Avenger?” I guess Wanda does have some control over him if she was able to make him forget about everything before hand or maybe because he doesn’t have the mind stone he doesn’t have the memories but Shuri said without the mind stone there were so much vision still there. I’m gonna assume it’s Wanda

“What why don’t you remember?” Agnes “Am I dead?”

“No why would you think that?”

“Cause you are?”

“I am what?”

“Dead,” She confines to shout that she is dead.

She has brought up how no one leaves Wanda won’t even let them think about it. Her witch laugh is definitely a sign on Agatha she’s even wearing a witch costume and Peter Wanda and Vision all have their comic costumes on.

AHHH THATS WHY THEY CANT GO PAST ELLIS LANE BECAUSE THATS WHERE EVERYONE STOPS MOVING. They can’t move and it’s almost like they’re dead. There stuck in a cloud of Wanda grief.

I think Monica‘s powers are coming in because Darcy is talking about how her Energy in her cells on A molecular level is being rewritten and it’s unsafe too go back in the hex. In the comics Monica can turn herself into any form of energy I believe she can turn herself into pure energy.

“It’s changing you,” Darcy to Monica

Monica wants to stop Wanda’s grief.

Darcy is trying to breakthrough the into what Hayward is hiding which is the fact they’re trying to weaponize Vision.

“Where were you hiding all these kids up until now?” Pietro/Peter.

"What?” Wanda

“ I assumd they were all sleeping peacefully in their beds no need to traumatize beyond the occasional Holiday episode cameo, am I right?”

“No I dont-”

“You were always the empathic twin. hey don’t get me wrong you’ve handled the ethical considerations of this scenario as best as you could, families and couples stay together, most personalities aren’t far off from what’s underneath, people got better jobs, better haircuts for sure”

“You don’t think it’s wrong?” Wanda

“What, are you kidding? I am impressed seriously it’s a pretty big leap from giving people nightmares and shooting red wiggly-woos out of your hands” Like in age of ultron reaching into the Avengers biggest fears. On the other hand the phrase wiggly-woos is very cute.

He’s telling her how he can’t talk to her. And she said she doesn’t know how she did it she only remembers feeling completely alone and empty. So she was grieving and depressed. She just saw the gunshot wound and the white eyes on Pietro like she did to Vision with his head crushed earlier on. She’s losing touch to this made up world and is now getting glimpses of reality.

Darcy is almost at my into Hayward’s stuff.

Idk if these names are important but they’re in Hayward’s email so I’m gonna write them down.

James D. Gadd,

James J. Alexander

James X-ND Seckler.

James woo wasn’t listed in his contact either. He’s either been blocked or was never there.

Vision is at the edge of the hex HES breaking through now. He’s halfway out. Now he’s all the way out. The hex is pulling him back in and now he’s falling apart because he’s exciting.

THE BILLY CAN HEAR VISION SCREAMING

Hayward doesn’t want to help Vision so he’s handcuffing Darcy too a car.

Y’all really made Vision die again.

“It’s not like your dead husband can die twice,” Peter/Pietro she flung him backwards at that.

He can also see the soldiers and could hear Hayward. The hex is expanding outward to reach Vision and it swallowed Darcy and many other soldiers turning them into Circus performers and clowns. All the cars and shops it swallows turn into things to fit the aesthetic of her town.

I’m not sure if the hex is still moving outwards she opened her eyes so I think that was a signal that it stopped when her eyes went back from red to normal. Guess I gotta wait till next week.

#wandavision #wandavision spoilers #wanda maximoff #jimmy woo #monica rambeau #darcy WandaVision #Tommy and Billy #Vision #pietro maximoff #quicksilver

18 notes · View notes

planetbass · 4 years

Note

I FORGOT WHAT EMOJIS I WAS GONNA SEND BC OF WHAT U NAMED UR ASKBOX SO I HAD TO LOOK AT EM AGAIN DHJSSHDJ BUT HQ 🎥 💕 🏳️‍🌈

i accidentally xed out of this tab im going to commit kermit falling off roof vine. anyways im going to recreate the fuckign 500 words id already written best i can i guess. on the bright side, this draft will probably be much better than whatever nonsensical stuff i’d written before i accidentally thanosed it.

i Just changed my inbox name the other day but i dont remember what it is...... im sure it was something i thought was funny at like 3 am......

🎥 do you have any favorite scenes from your [special interest]?

SO fucking many. umm here r a few ig off the top of my head

the first thing that comes to mind is. the fucking scene where. theyre at training camp and hinata thinks there’s a . lost child among them or something and it’s fucking dark and scary and dramatic but it turns out it was just noya with his hair down (which added like 2 inches to his height)

any and all of the scenes in s2 with the 3rd gym squad (bokuto, kuroo, akaashi, hinata, tsukishima).

in the manga, kuroo’s backstory abt how his shyness was “worse than [kenma’s]”

literally ANY and ALL times kuroo and daishou interact because theyre so fucking funny

kuroo: h

daishou: i hope youf ucking die i hate you i h

💕 tell us about one of your favorite characters and why you like them!

tit i cant believe you DO this to me when you KNOW how much i already talk about him and love him....

i think it really comes down to the fact that i see a lot of myself in him. it seems weird at first maybe, but when it comes down to his core character... similar. i identify with him a lot. he’s also a huge comfort character. poor kuroo suffers under all of my vent writing. it’s surprising i dont kin him but you never know i guess.

idk if it still happens (it probably does tbh :unamused:) but he used to be characterized as like. extroverted sexy mccool guy by the fanbase and it was weird cuz kuroo is . A HUGE NERD. WHAT SORT OF KID, WHEN FIFTEEN YEARS OLD, DROPS THE TERM DOCOSAHEXAEONIC ACID INTO AN INSULT. his hair has no product in it to look Hot or anything it is not on purpose it is his natural, shitty bedhead from sleeping weird. he acts like a dumbass sometimes bc he’s a goofy guy, but he’s also SUPER smart. n people brush him off/think he’s joking when he says “i’m always this nice” but he IS he’s one of the most selfless characters. he’s really considerate and he helps people no matter what, even when he doesn’t have to - like when he helped tsukki during the training camp (not just on his technique, but he also helped him find his passion for volleyball) despite wanting to go up AGAINST tsukki’s team in nationals. not to mention that he wants karasuno to get better because he wants his team and karasuno to have an official match together to please his coach. AND despite winning against nohebi in the semifinals, when a group of strangers bash nobehi for their slimy tactics to scrape up points and gain the favor of the refs, kuroo DEFENDS nohebi even though he didn’t have to and when he has personal rivalry against their team’s captain. i will also stand by the fact that he’s anxiety disordered™. he just feels like a very real character to me n . i just love him a lot.

🏳‍🌈 do you have any headcanons (lgbt, race, neuro, etc) that are important to you?

yeah! a lot!

my biggest is that kuroo had/has selective mutism (n ppl can also interpret it as autism ! i just prefer sm bc thats what i got). that’s like. the One i will live and die by and it’s another reason why i really love him so much and that i see myself in him more than anyone else. as a teen and almost-adult i see him as still having some residual social anxiety due to the childhood disorder, and he’s hella depressed as well cuz it be like that. also for self-projection reasons i like arokuroo (i have that url stolen lol). ive never had a distinct sexuality headcanon for him, either pan or gay in my thoughts, but also since i see myself in him its hard for me to. do that ig?? idk lol

bokuto has adhd. i really support that one as well. he’s also ace!! he’s the ace ace!! i also like to see him as somewhat arospec, but in the sense that he’s just not really interested in that sort of thing? but he is still just... head over heels for akaashi.

akaashi has general anxiety n some social anxiety and also the pression. he’s GAY babey . ALSO he’s a he/him non-binary

kenma social anxiety babie. i mean, that’s literally canon. he has social anxiety. he’s also demi n trans.

daishou is bi. i also write him as having paranoia.

ask me abt any character n i can probably spit something out for u regarding lgbt headcanons. there’s too many to cover.

#thank you....#ask game #long post #toshidaves #ask

5 notes · View notes

lgbt-i-guess · 5 years

Note

1-170 for those honest asks

1: How tall or short do you wish you were?

idk 5′5″?

2: What’s your dream pet? (Real or not)

snaek

3: Do you have a favourite clothing style?

I rly like darker clothes

4: What was your favourite video game growing up?

alien vs predator

5: What three things/people do you think of most each day:

my friend Caitlin

kai

6: If you had a warning label, what would yours say?

emotionally unavailable for a while

7: What is your opinion on [insert person/thing here]?

u didn't insert the thing

8: What is your Greek personality type? [Sanguine, Phlegmatic, Choleric, or Melancholic]

phlegmatic

9: Are you ticklish?

very

10: Are you allergic to anything?

not anymore

11: What’s your sexuality?

atm I'm going for gay ace

12: Do you prefer tea, coffee, or cocoa?

cocoa

13: Are you a cat or dog person?

cat

14: Would you rather be a vampire, elf, or merperson?

vampire honestly

15: Do you have a favourite Youtuber?

callmekevin, graystillplays, or rtgames

16: How tall are you?

5′1″

17: If you had to change your name, what would you change it to?

like legally? either spencer cade or kai

18: How much do you weigh? [Only ask this if you know the user doesn’t mind!]

idk? i think abt 57kg

19: Do you believe in ghosts/spirits?

yes

20: Do you like space or the ocean more?

spaece

21: Are you religious?

not rly

22: Pet peeves?

leaving the door open when ive asked to close it

23: Would you rather be nocturnal or diurnal [opposite of nocturnal]?

nocturnal

24: Favorite constellation?

orion

25: Favorite star?

idk

26: Do you like ball-jointed dolls?

not rly?

27: Any phobias or fears?

bugs that fly

28: Do you think global warming is real?

yeah

29: Do you believe in reincarnation?

yeah

30: Favorite movie?

idk rn

31: Do you get scared easily?

kinda

32: How many pets have you own in your lifetime?

47 if u consider every animal thats lived in the house

33: Blog rate? [You’ll rate the blog of the one who’s asking.]

5/10 ig ur anonymous

34: What is a colour that calms you?

blue

35: Where would you like to travel and/or live?

i wanna see mountains

36: Where were you born?

england

37: What is your eye colour?

blue

38: Introvert or extrovert?

introvert but also i have no shame

39: Do you believe in horoscopes and zodiacs?

yeah

40: Hugs or kisses?

both is good

41: Who is someone you would like to see/visit right now?

42: Who is someone you love deeply?

43: Any piercings you want?

ears

44: Do you like tattoos and piercings?

I DO

45: Do you smoke or have you ever done so?

i have not but my mum did

46: Talk about your crush, if you have one!

aaaaaaaaaaaa okay so

ive mostly been able to ignore this crush bc we dont talk much but hes so good im love him and idk what to say s o

47: What is a sound you really hate?

scrapping

48: A sound you really love?

bf laugh

49: Can you do a backflip?

i can not

50: Can you do the splits?

i can not

51: Favorite actor and/or actress?

tom holland

52: Favorite movie?

idk is this a repeat question

53: How are you feeling right now?

hungy

54: What colour would you like your hair to be right now?

blue. bright blue.

55: When did you feel happiest?

idk i think when my bfs and i started dating

56: Something that calms you down?

hugs

57: Have any mental conditons? [Only ask this if you know the user doesn’t mind!]

yeah i have:

- depression

- autism

- adhd

58: What does your URL mean?

well i was remaking my blogs after the age purge and i was making the discourse one and went “okay what is this about” and thought “idk lgbt i guess”

59: What three words describe you the most?

idk

60: Do you believe in evolution?

yeah

61: What makes you unfollow a blog?

not much

62: What makes you follow a blog?

interesting

63: Favorite kind of person:

idk

64: Favorite animal(s):

canine

65: Name three of your favourite blogs.

@shutthefuckup-terfs @official-cisphobe @purgatorian-princess

66: Favorite emoticon:

idk

67: Favorite meme:

idk

68: What is your MBTI personality type?

idk

69: What is your star sign?

aquarius

70: Can your dog roll over on command, if you have a dog?

she can if its my brother asking

71: What outfit out of all your clothes do you like to wear the most?

i have one outfit

72: Post a selfie or two?

im p sure i already have

73: Do you have platform shoes?

74: What is one random but interesting fact about yourself?

idk

75: Can you do a front flip?

i can not

76: Do you like birds?

i do

77: Do you like to swim?

i do

78: Is swimming or ice skating more fun for you?

swimming

79: Something you wish didn’t exist:

trump

80: Something you wish did exist:

dragon

81: Piercings you have?

i did have my ears pierced but they healed

82: Something you really enjoy doing:

reading

83: Favorite person to talk to:

84: What was your first impression of Tumblr?

it was rly nice

85: How many followers do you have?

232

86: Can you run a mile within ten minutes?

i cant run ten metres

87: Do your socks always match?

sometimes

88: Can you touch your toes and keep your legs straight completely?

i cant stand w my legs straight

89: What are your birthstones?

amethyst

90: If you were an animal, which one would you be?

idk

91: If a flower could aesthetically represent you, what kind would it be?

blac

92: A store you hate?

m&s

its nice but the sound is bad

93: How many cups of coffee can you drink in one day?

i dont

94: Would you rather be able to fly or read minds?

fly

95: Do you like to wear camo?

yes

96: Winter or summer?

winter

97: How long can you hold your breath for?

10secs

98: Least favourite person?

family

99: Someone you look up to:

idk

100: A store you love?

euro pizza

101: Favorite type of shoes

slippers

102: Where do you live?

northumberland

103: Are you a vegetarian or vegan? If so, why?

104: What is your favourite mineral or gem?

quartz

105: Do you drink milk?

i do im a milkdrinker

106: Do you like bugs?

no theyre demons

107: Do you like spiders?

108: Something you get paranoid about?

being watched

109: Can you draw:

kinda

110: Nosiest question you have ever been asked?

idk

111: A question you hate being asked?

idk

112: Ever been bitten by a spider?

113: Do you like the sound of waves at the beach?

yesss

114: Do you prefer cloudy or sunny days?

cloudy

115: Someone you’d like to kiss or cuddle right now:

116: Favorite cloud type:

idk

117: What colour do you wish the sky was?

purpura

118: Do you have freckles?

i do not

119: Favorite thing about a person:

idk

120: Fruits or vegetables?

fruit

121: Something you want to do right now:

idk

122: Is the ocean or sky prettier?

ocean

123: Sweet or sour foods?

sweet

124: Bright or dim lights?

dim

125: Do you believe in a certain magical creature?

idk

126: Something you hate about Tumblr:

bigots

127: Something you love about Tumblr:

art

128: What do you think about the least?

idk

129: What would you want to be written on your tombstone?

“bastard at heart”

130: Who would you like to punch in the face right now?

brother

131: What is something you love but also hate about yourself?

clingyness

132: Do you smile with your teeth showing for pictures?

sometimes

133: Computer or TV?

computer

134: Do you like roller coasters?

135: Do you get motion sickness or seasickness?

136: Are your ears lobed or attached?

attached

137: Do you believe in karma?

yeah

138: On a scale of 1-10, how attractive would you say you are?

139: What nicknames do you have/have had?

idk

140: Did you have any pretend or imaginary friends?

yeah

141: Have you ever seen a therapist/shrink?

yeah

142: Would you say you are a good or bad influence on others?

idk

143: Do you prefer giving or receiving gifts/help?

idk

144: What makes you angry

disrespect

145: How many languages do you speak fluently?

146: Do you prefer boys, girls, and/or non-binaries?

boys + boy nbsz

147: Are you androgynous?

yeah

148: Favorite physical thing about yourself:

idk

149: Favorite thing about your personality:

idk

150: Name three people you would like to talk to right now in person.

other bf

idk

151: If you could go back into time and live in one era, which would you choose?

idk

152: Do you like BuzzFeed?

unsolved yeah

153: How did you meet your spouse/girlfriend/boyfriend/partner? [If you have one.]

i joined a discord server

154: Do you like to kiss others’ foreheads or hands for platonic reasons?

kinda

155: Do you like to play with others’ hair?

yeah

156: What embarrasses you?

why would i tell u

157: Something that makes you nervous/anxious:

idk

158: Biggest lie you have ever told:

idk

159: How many people are you following?

1215

160: How many posts do you have on your blog(s)?

3343

161: How many drafts do you have on your blog(s)?

162: How many likes do you have on your blog(s)?

2272

163: Last time you cried and why:

idk

164: Do you have long or short hair?

short

165: Longest your hair has ever been:

waist

166: Why do you like, dislike, or have neutral feelings about religion?

for the most part its dislike when it comes to organised religion but if its just personal its fine

167: Do you really care how the universe and world were created?

kinda

168: Do you like to wear makeup?

sometimes

169: Can you stand on your hands or head for more than thirty seconds?

nope

170: Did you answer the questions you were asked truthfully?

yeah

#Anonymous

2 notes · View notes

firebuug · 5 years

Text

ok here’s this. pokemon au ramble. because this week has just been me loving my ocs but bass boosted. under the cut!! this post will be REALLY long mainly because of the teams sorry!

pokemon au is pure bc no deaths or rlly bad things happen

buggy is a trainer who went on the pokemon journey for fun and as a coming-of-age kinda thing(also because he may or may not have burnt his house down with a litwick), but kinda stopped getting gym badges half way and decided to settle down and just take the road casually. he settled down with apoccy and they both run a little pokemon sanctuary and care for pokemon that aren’t able to go back to the wild or have some little quirk (for example a litwick that cant keep itself lit easily). he likes battling for fun rather than for glory, and when his rival (farrow, obvs) was like “ha im gonna beat u and become the champion and ur not” he was like “i mean ok have fun!” which makes farrow pissed. he’s a guy who really cares about pokemon’s feelings and basically got back into action from pokemon santuary-ing and fought against the coven (the bad guy team) to stop them from hurting anyone.

team:

- Ari (talonflame) (he flies around on her!)

- Lulu (chandelure) (his absolute baby and child)

- Fluffy (ampharos) (he named it fluffy when it was a mareep but then it evolved a bit and it wasnt fluffy anymore. its name is still fluffy tho)

- Big Boy (pelipper) (he’s a big ocean enthusiast but can’t swim and is a bit afraid of the water, so he uses pelipper to navigate over it and help him fish)

- Ellis (sylveon) (he wanted him to be a flareon but he loved them a lot and he ended up becoming a sylveon but buggy still loves him 100%)

- Musha (musharna) (musha helps him go to sleep easier and stay awake better as well, it’s basically his service pokemon ahghjhdjkf. she’s usually floating by his side!)

i think mendel would be a pokemon professor bc he studies pokemon. how he was even trusted enough to hand out pokemon to small children is a mystery, but gene takes care of most of the friendly stuff with handing u ur pokemon and stuff, mendel just does the research. later on it’s revealed that mendel is part of the region’s bad guy group, the coven! (>:3cc) their goal is to fuse multiple powerful pokemon together into the perfect pokemon that is able to beat everything and everyone else, in a combination of every type in existence. (Idk if this is the plot of any game bc i dont remember the plot of any game past pokemon b/w honestly) eventually the protag gets them to not fucking destroy everything and befriend the big boy pokemon (juggy, but like pokemon) and the coven disbands their group and just live life as normal people not criminals bc pokemon verse is best verse

team: - Juggy (sivally) (idk shit about sivally or the sumo plot but it looks like a fusion pokemon and its cute so like um there we go ig. in the actual au itd probably be a completely new pokemon but im lazy)

- Cofagrigus (obvious reasons. if i didnt want to keep this au pure i wouldve mentioned he still grave digs)

-Mimikyu (shut up its cute)

- Flabebe (flowere) (”oh what a pretty flower, it will be great to work on. oh no its a pokemon. guess its my child now”)

- Arbok (its a snake he loves snakes he gives it little pats on the head and rattatas)

- Claydol (it has a ton of red eyes and its black and red what more do you want from him. also he thinks it is cool and its psychic so like hhuiionnghgh yeah)

gene is a pokemon docdor (he heals those boys up for you and takes care of them) and helps mendel out in research since they both share an interest in researching pokemon!!! he doesn’t know that hes part of the bad guy team that snatches up pokemon and doesn’t question any weird things he decides to research about until like the end. he’s really nice and’ll probably catch up to you along your journey just to see how you’re doing, check up on you, and give you cool stuff like the master ball n stuff. he has a big greenhouse where he grows berries and’ll give you some as gifts along the way. he battles you occasionally to see how strong you’ve gotten and’ll heal your pokemon when your done, giving you tips. he likes hanging out around forests and little garden areas.

team:

- Serperior (long boi. good noodle boi.)

- Comfey (C O M F E Y flowere boi)

- I lost my old gene team im so sad so i dont remember any of it

- Bitty (budew) (BABY BOY BABY! he loves them sm) (it evolves into roserade later on but shhhshhh baby budew)

- Swanna (pretty birb!!) (helps him water the plants in the greenhouse!!)

- Ana (unfezant) (HE NEEDS ANA OK)

- Audino (mega) (he needs that healy pokemon it’s essential) (theyre his little helper)

farrow is the stereotypical rival guy tbh. with buggy he was like “im gonna be better than u” and buggy was like “stop bullying me” but then just “ok” so he got bored. with skuggy it was more competitive, and they even battled each other right at the victory road’s entrance to see who was better, but they never got to complete the elite 4 trial since the coven juggy shit happened and they basically had to team up temporarily to stop these guys. when all of that was done farrow got back to challenging the elite four and trying to become champion, but he’s still struggling and is trying to train his team to become better while skuggy went “eh i’m done that was fun tho” and gave up. farrow hates being seen as weak and wants to have the strongest team, but he still loves his pokemon even if he pushes them near the limit sometimes while all focused up on winning.

team:

- Ally (linoone) (theres no possum pokemon and im mad but he likes ferrets too so) (or uh. long raccoon?) (either way he loves ally and she’s kind of a tank)

- Mittens (incineroar) (this was his starter, somehow, since he took the traditional trainer coming-of-age path and went to become the best.) (he loves his cat even if it did become....bipedal and buff??????) (They share the same big ego and victory flexing) (he rides on mittens’s shoulders sometimes or mittens carries him with arms in the air like a king)

- Rogue (liepard) (cate!!) (also it really fits him!!!) (he loves his thief cat and steals everyone’s items with it and makes them mad) (skuggy has cursed this cat out for stealing all his pokemon’s items at least twice before while both her and farrow looked on grinning smugly)

- Jasper (noivern) (i associate farrow with bats a lot, i think he likes bats now) (big fuckig boy who farrow flies on and farrow really likes battling with) (when farrow is out travelling and is tired and it’s late but he can’t find anywhere to stay, jasper shields him and makes whats basically a mini tent with his wings around him)

- Doggo (houndoom) (Farrow named him doggo as a joke but it stuck) (Fire dog with evil aesthetic! Farrow loves this) (He’s a good dog and farrow pats him for doing good work. he sniffs out berries and items for him on the road and is like his guard dog.)

- Snippy (gliscor) (another bat babey) (i might change it but idk) (it’s a sneakey boy) (he is also a tank and poisons everyone’s pokemon) (farrow accidentally gets stung by him like twice a week)

skuggy is a trainer who set out on the pokemon journey as a means to get out of his shitty house and family, collecting pokemon to help defend himself, but ended up really loving pokemon (especially bug types) and trying to take on a few gyms while he was at it. eventually he met farrow and it became kind of like a little race to see who can get the most gym badges first, giving him a motivation to travel the region and take on the elite 4. after the juggy fiasco he got a bit tired of fighting and decided he valued his pokemon a lot since they defended him and helped him fight back so he said “yknow what im gonna take a break from our race thing, im just gonna find somewhere to finally stay and chil out” while farrow was shaking the elite four’s door like “LET ME IIIIIN”. he’s kinda chill now and is thinking about going back and trying to fight the 4 someday, but for now he’s just a guy who catches bugs. he and gene hang out sometimes and go into forests n stuff. he’s still a butcher in this world ig. mans gotta make some money

team:

- Clove (scolipede) (his first pokemon, he caught it and went with it, but got really attached really fast) (she is his baby and he made it so far with her by his side and is really proud of both clove and himself for getting this far)

- Big Tony (armaldo) (he found a fossil pokemon and kept it since it’s rock type and can help ward off fire types, which is a big weakness of his team, but he ended up loving big tony too. i know theyre supposed to be like 4 foot 9 but please imagine big tony as a BIG boy that skuggy can ride on its shoulders and back to get around.)

- Babie (ribombee) (he caught this thing and said “this is the cutest shit i’ve ever seen.” went on to destroy dragon types and be the best bee ever.) (actually it’s pretty weak but skuggy believes in them)

- Toaster (heracross) (heracross was too cute for skuggy NOT to catch. it’s the powerhouse. this boy rips thru pokemon likes it’s nothing. unless it’s a fire or flying type. then it dies.) (it likes to f i t e and shares skuggy’s quick temper, because u know what they say, like pokemon like trainer)

- Big old boy (stoutland) (this was also one of the first pokemon he’s ever caught and it was really strong, defended him well and was kind of like the tank of the team, so he kept it. he likes sleeping on its back, and sometimes it has to remember it isn’t a tiny dog anymore because it tries to jump at skuggy to greet him and he gets fucking smashed.) (hes a very good boy, he’s very fluffy, and skuggy loves him so much and owes him his life)

- Jeff (swadloon) (skuggy loves his emo-looking son.) (ever since he beat depression in the dick he just cant help but see himself in swadloon) (but swadloon is happy, just very comfy and grumpy) (swadloon loves skuggy and skuggy loves swadloon) (i mean just look at him) (it’s perfect for skuggy)

okay i’m done here there’s obviously more people but this post is getting alarmingly long and i still need to make their teams. if u read this entire thing u deserve 20 cat images and more jesus christ u madman !!!!!!

#shut up bug #rambles #LONG post #txt #ocs #buggy #gene #mendel #juggernaut #farrow twells #skuggy #pokemon #happy #i really love pokemon au!!!

6 notes · View notes

writez · 3 years

Text

sometimes i really doubt my own emotions. it's so easy to disregard or forget how you feel or felt when you're being manipulated. my mom has been emotionally manipulative and abusive my whole life. she's a compulsive liar and uses her mental illness as a weapon.

i didn't realize all of these things until i was 16, and i finally brought myself to tell my friends how i felt so miserable and guilty being around her sometimes, how she would make me feel bad for feeling anything, for doing anything, for asking for help. they told me it wasn't normal and it wasn't okay. i hadn't started opening up to anyone about my mom until i was 15 and admitted that she had struggled with depression my whole life and said she was bipolar. I didnt say much more than that bc my mom for rhe longest time had told me if i told anyone about her or about our house/home life we(my sister and i) would be taken away. she didn't work for 11 years and was at home with me and my sister or if she had a meltdown she'd storm out of the house and go to my grandma's for a few days. still even though she was at home all the time she found ways to neglect us. my dad is at fault too obviously, after he lost his job our family just became utterly dysfunctional. it started falling apart after my mom broke her ankle. things became more difficult. my dad didn't know how to deal with my mom's depression. he wasn't supportive and my mom was going through something she didn't know how to handle. she wouldn't get help, either.

writing this kind of makes me want to cry because now im feeling bad for my mom, like i always end up doing. but i have to remind myself that there is no excuse for what she did to us or how she treated us. i felt like the worst person in the world all the time. i had her telling me she was sad because we weren't doing enough when i was only 10 years old, maybe younger i have no real age timeline. im going off vague memories and just knowing idk. there are things that stick with you and things that don't ig. i know she was in a lot of pain back then, she hadn't dealt with something like that before. ig she hadn't dealt with the emotions maybe and didn't know how to let it out or idk. idk how to justify it bc ig i can't.

screaming. getting screamed at really scares me now. i don't get screamed at often anymore, sometimes by customers at work. for a long time i only thought i got freaked out if i was getting yelled at directly until one time at work i came in and our morning manager had a rough day, he was really stressed. i get it. he got mad when orders popped up and screamed "god ducking damnit" loudly and threw something. all i thought was "oh god what did i do?"

it sounded just like my mom, something she would have screamed at me. i just instantly started disassociating. the manager kept freaking out. he kicked over a trashcan and screamed some more. i couldn't see straight or really think i was scared. i felt like a child again, so afraid and angry at the same time. luckily my best friend worked with me at the time and he saw i was upset and also went to comfort the manager. he kept him away from me so i could have space and keep myself together. after the manager calmed down he came back in.

he didn't know he did anything that wrong, i mean he knew it was wrong for him to yell like that but he didn't know how it would affect me. it's not his fault. he tried to talk to me but i just couldn't answer. I had to keep it together because it was my shift and I had other employees around me and i didn't want them to know i was about to have a total melt down. he tried to apologize and j just said "it's okay. sorry I just can't right now" i was shaking and i was trying so hard not to cry, meanwhile cutting pizzas and cashing customers out. picking up phones. answering questions talking to drivers while completely freaking out. but i kept it all under wraps or at least i think i mostly did i just got real quiet. my best friend knew something was wrong and j said "i just had a ... response. it's not his fault.. he didn't know"

later when we talked about it i finally said "I think i had a trauma response" and i did. it brought me back to being a kid and getting screamed at for nothing. by her. i just hate admitting it sometimes. i hate that i am forever affected by her. i hate it. i have to be forever reminded of what she did while she gets to remain ignorant. she knows she did something wrong and she's apologized for it but she doesn't even know what she's apologizing for?

God it is so hard to write this. i want to cry because I'm mad, because im heartbroken. because i have to remember. because I've lost so many memories. i lost my childhood to her. im never getting that back. there's no going back in time to when things were normal. im lost now i don't know where im going with this my brain kinda hurts. i had a reason for writing this first but i lost it. i think i need to take a break. i can't seee straight

0 notes

lymanjosh · 5 years

Note

do you have any tips on bringing up ADHD to a therapist? I desperately need help for it but I don’t want my concerns dismissed because stuff like adderall is heavily misused :(

i had like two pages of an answer for this (and it was coherent, even, if you can believe it) and then i refreshed the page like a dumbass so this is take 2, which is Less Coherent and im sorry but theres nothing i can do about it

so im not an authority on the subject or anything, and i don’t know your situation, and also ive been diagnosed for like 2 weeks, so you can pretty much take everything i say with a grain of salt. what im gonna do is im gonna run through my own experience / what i wish i did differently / what im doing now, and i hope it helps, and you can totally feel free to come back if you wanna talk more at all once im finished!! and i really hope that at least something i say here is of help to you

also this is gonna be rambly and im sorry about that but i don’t know any other way to be. im gonna preemptively forgive myself because youre like me so you get it but im sure it’s not easy to read so for that i apologize.

tldr: know concretely why you think you have ADHD and what treatment options you want to pursue, do like 3 times more research than you think you need to do, write down all your symptoms in advance, cite your past history of mental health treatment if you have one, and try not to worry too much. if your therapist is any good at their job they’ll know you’re not just drug-seeking, and they’ll recognize the symptoms and problems you discuss when you bring them up in the context of ADHD. probably you’ll be okay, and you’ll get the treatment you need.

so i spent most of my teen years in a drug-addled haze. i was depressed and anxious because i couldn’t Fucking Do Anything, and my parents were worried so they took me to the doctor, and the doctor was worried so she sent me to another doctor, and this continued for a long time and i was on like 4 different antidepressants and 4 different antipsychotics and also some anti-anxiety meds between the ages of like 15 and 16. it was heavily traumatic and also not fun, and the reason all this happened was that nobody stopped to think that maybe i might share some genes with my dad, who has been diagnosed inattentive since before i was born.

right off the bat i should have been way more up in arms about self-advocating, which is something you’re clearly doing, so that’s awesome and you should give yourself a pat on the back because that’s really difficult in the mental health industry especially when you’re already fighting your own brain on most things.

hopefully you haven’t been through a wringer of false diagnoses and nonsensical prescriptions, but if you have, then you can guilt your doctor a little bit. “i was traumatized! i was given dangerous psychoactive drugs during a critical phase of neural development! you have to give me stimulants to atone for your sins!” phrase it exactly like that, it’s like a silver bullet. in all seriousness if you ahve past diagnoses of anxiety or depression or anything to do with emotional dysregulation that can help your case, because you can point out that a) these things are common misdiagnoses for adhd, and b) the symptoms for these things logically emerge from things like emotional hyperarousal and rejection-sensitive dysphoria.

what i should have done, and what i think you should do, is write down your symptoms in advance, because then you won’t have to spend an hour hemming and hawing and trying to thnk of them all in the doctor’s office. i did not do this. it didn’t prove to be a problem because my doctor was kinda irresponsible but i really should have done this, just for my own benefit.

when i actually brought it up to my doctor that i might have adhd i had a couple different things going for me. i was talking to my GP, and not my therapist; im not in therapy (which you can probably tell) because therapists creep me out, but i think physicians are probably more inclined to throw drugs at it than therapists are. my GP was also brand new to my case– i had never even met the guy before. i mentioned my history of mental health treatment, and i also mentioned my dad being diagnosed, and im also a girl (girls are chronically underdiagnosed and extremely likely to be misdiagnosed with either anxiety or depression), so i had some concrete facts to support why i had suspicions. i had also done a shit ton of research beforehand, so i advise you to do that– know concretely why you think you have adhd and what treatment options you want to pursue.

you might benefit from talking about it with your doctor before your therapist, but idk that might just be my fear of therapists talking. i think a doctor is less likely to want to taco bout it than a therapist but that may just be my specific experience– you know your situation better than i do. and admittedly a therapist is more likely to, like, Know You and know what you’re talking about when you say (for example) that you’ve always struggled with emotional dysregulation, or whatever.

something else that might help you– i wish i had done this not because i don’t want to look like a drug-seeker but because i Miss Coffee– is to bring up non-stimulant treatments like strattera (for adults) or kapvay or intuniv (both for children but sometimes prescribed to adults) because it’ll show you’ve done your homework and it might be a point against writing you off. stimulants are usually the first resort for adhd, so it’s highly likely you’ll end up on adderall or another stimulant, but it’s good to bring up as an option. might also be good to research it as a serious course of action, especially if you suffer with anxiety, because stimulants are likely to make you more anxious.

i would also advise you not to fixate on adderall? idk enough about your situation to know if you’ve done that but it’s good to be open to other medications and treatment plans bc if adderall doesn’t work for you it doesn’t work and there’s not a ton you can do about it. you should for sure read up on other treatments– you might find one that sounds more appealing, or at the very least you’ll know what to think if your doctor brings up another one unexpectedly.

so i brought up to my doctor that i might have adhd and he immediately plonked a questionnaire in front of me. i filled it out (spoiler alert most of my answers were “often”) and he was like “oh this is textbook, let’s get you on adderall” which like WHAT. i didn’t even ask about adderall. like im not gonna argue with you but let’s talk about this first before we break out the stimulant medication. but i’ve been on it for a couple days and no major side effects yet so maybe he was right who knows. anyway he was super irresponsible don’t let your doctor just prescribe you meds at random go through the side effects. always ask about the side effects. i get such bad headaches after it wears off. i have one now and its Bad.

but as an addendum you should for sure be prepared to use other coping mechanisms. i’ve started using a bullet journal since i was diagnosed which i’ve found works really well, and youtube channels like howtoadhd are really helpful to me!! i try to use the meds sparingly because i Don’t Like taking pills and also bc adderall can be habit forming, and because i hope to eventually be able to function without it, and i advise you to think of it the same way. drugs don’t have to be a permanent fixture in your life– you can use it as a temporary tool while you build up the necessary coping mechanisms and mental pathways to function without it. adhd isn’t broken brain, it’s just brain on hard mode, if you know what i mean. i try to think of the meds as training wheels– i learn to function with it, and then i gradually learn to function without it. so idk if that’s a useful way to think about it for you but to me it feels more hopeful than resigning myself to a lifetime on more drugs. idk.

but even if you’re okay with that, adderall isn’t gonna make you functional (it might. kinda feel like you’re magically functional. that’s how i feel right now, that is to say when im not headaching.) so you have to have systems in place to make it easier for yourself. some kind of productivity app might help ig (i used ike for like 3 days and then my phone died and i forgot to charge it for a week because that happens to me sometimes, but i liked ike!) but i like analog todo lists. feels good checking stuff off. either way is good though.

also get your phone to send you alerts. also rearrange your stuff. like, make the world around you conducive to your functioning. do your best to create and live in a space that enables you to do the things you need to do. get accommodations at school if you need to (i haven’t done this and can’t tell you how but there are a ton of online tutorials and you can probably just google your school + accessibility, or something, and that’s assuming you even go to school)

but yeah i hope any of that was helpful to you and im sorry to make you do 1 million hours of deciphering my shitty informal writing style and i love you and i want to help you please come back and let me know how everything goes bc im gonna worry about you otherwise

1 note · View note

patroncrow · 6 years

Note

1-69 >:3

i had to turn on my laptop just to copy/paste this all. im putting it under a cut to spare any innocent followers

also you cheeky fuck lol

1. What’s your darkest kink?

completely being dominated. few get the chance or the honor tho

2. How many people have you had sex with?

one. we were together for a long while so i never got the chance.

i might be changing that before long

3. What the most times you’ve ever orgasmed in one night?

i honestly dont know but this did remind me of an embarrassing story lol

4. What’s your favorite sex position?

it really depends on my mood :3

5. Describe the best sex you’ve ever had.

i was drunk, in a mood all day, and accidentally gave a hickey above the collar. his boss gave him shit for it but he couldn’t get me back cause he cant give them (which is a shame)

6. Have you ever had a one night stand?

never had the chance

7. Describe your most desired fantasy.

see #1

8. Describe your darkest fantasy.

see #7

9. What’s your sexiest feature?

ive been told i have a really nice ass

10. Have you ever been to a strip club?

most the decent ones around here you have to be 21, i hear. they dont really seem like my scene tho

11. Where’s the best place to have sex?

where the mood strikes. just lock the doors

12. Where’s the craziest place you’ve had sex?

the living room. in my defense, there were at least 2 other ppl in the house, and it had a walk-in policy. there was a decent risk of someone showing up

but this did lead to an amusing conversation that went something like “what if your dad walks in?” “then ill sit up and say ‘dad im busy, get out!’”

13. Where would you like to have sex, but haven’t yet?

location isnt a big thing for me

14. If you could have sex with one celebrity, who would it be?

ive never really had celeb crushes. i identified as ace until not long ago (im open to giving chances, but im picky about who ill show interest in first)

15. What sounds do you make during sex?

oh, golly. depends how much fun im having

but its not that breathy-ass shit in porn

16. Are you loud during sex?

see #15

17. Describe the outfit you feel sexiest in.

do partial ones count? i like just not having a shirt. cargo pants, skinny jeans, whatever. just without a top.

18. What’s your favorite punishment?

never been punished. ex was a puss lol

19. What’s your favorite position for spanking?

never really had positions for it. i like being grabbed more

20. Do you like to have/leave marks?

yes

21. What’s your favorite thing to clamp nipples with?

never done that

22. How long have you denied/or been denied an orgasm?

0 seconds

23. Have you ever had sex in a “dungeon”?

nope

24. Are you into bondage?

mmmyeah

25. What is your favorite thing to do for aftercare?

never really been in the scene enough to know much about that

26. What’s your favorite thing to tie up or be tied up with?

ive only used cuffs & ties. i liked the latter better

27. Are you a Dom or a Sub? Would you ever consider being a switch?

im a sub but if im in a really big mood i can switch

its a strong expression of desire not to be taken for granted

28. Do you prefer gags or blindfolds?

never used either but blindfolds might be cool

29. Have you ever had a threesome?

no despite a long ass time with someone who wanted nothing more and wouldnt shut up until i put my foot down that i wasnt comfortable with that unless i had gotten close to the other person one-on-one first

30. How often do you masturbate?

maybe like once a month?? but tat was when sex was readily available. id much prefer the real thing

31. What’s your favorite thing to masturbate to?

just whatever does it that time

32. What’s your favorite kind of porn?

i dont rlly watch enough to have a fave

33. What’s your favorite porn website?

dont have one

34. Who’s your favorite porn star?

same as above

35. Would you ever consider doing porn?

it really depends on specific context

36. At what age did you start masturbating?

lmao 18

37. Have you ever been caught masturbating?

nope

38. Have you ever masturbated to a ridiculous video or story then thought “what the fuck did I just do?“

…

39. Phone sex or Camming?

never done either but im not big on taking care of myself for someone else

40. Do you believe in aphrodisiacs?

i havent read enough on them. ig if theres food that can help you be less depressed, there could be food that helps ur libido

41. What’s you biggest turn on?

biting around/on my hips/waist

42. What’s your strangest turn on?

probably the same thing, considering im not into oral and otherwise having a head down there bothers me

43. What’s your favorite sex toy?

i have none

44. Do you prefer your sexual partner to be older than you, or younger?

idc if theyre a little older/younger, as long as theyre close to my age

45. Have you ever broken up with someone because the sex was bad?

no but id totally tell an ex that to piss em off cause im a petty fuck

46. Have you ever posted nudes on tumblr?

nope. ive thought about doing the topless tuesday but ehh

47. What’s your favorite sex blog? (I’m sure it’s his-precious-kitten…but on the odd chance that it’s not…)

not really into those things

48. What’s your favorite pet name?

not necessarily a sex thing, but anything that feels strong like “darling,” “my love”

49. Do you prefer vaginal sex or anal?

never tried full-on anal but what i did try hurt too much to feel good

50. Do you prefer pussies all natural, bald, triangle, landing strip…?

whatever shes into and feels confident with mayn

51. What song would you most like to have sex to?

i like those with the feeling i get (not traditional ones) but this reminded me one time we were getting busy, youtube playlist going, next song came on and it was bring me to life and when i looked up, it wasnt like a lyric video or the official one but fucking luigi and i almost died then and there

52. Have you ever had shower sex?

yes. it was difficult but fun

53. At what time of day are you the horniest?

i dont have a time of day but i accidentally went off my birth control for a bit and in the proceeding week i could barely function. ive been telling myself that was the reason.

54. Girls: What is your bra size?

34b, perfect hand size. sometimes they just make good rests to just hold

55. Girls: Describe your favorite pair of panties.

theyre a teal with a darker blue lace. the back kinda has a sheer part that reminds me of stain glass windows??

56. Girls: Do you ever go out not wearing panties?

nah not into that thing. you could tell me something is meant to be worn without and id be like “nah fuck that”

57. Girls: Can you get off from clit stimulation alone?

ig?? but whats the fun in that??

58. Girls: Can you get off from penetration alone?

who would do that

59. Girls: Do you use birth control or condoms?

i prefer both because i would not be able to handle nine months sober followed by hours of excruciating pain. or getting stds.

60. Girls: What’s the strangest thing that’s ever been inside your pussy?

just a marker. im not lookin to fuck myself up

but my ex is a major whovian with several sonic screwdrivers and at one point he made a joke to which i responded “if you wanted to use that on me you shouldve said something” which made everyone freak out lol

61. Girls: Do you spit or swallow?

never sucked. always had a rise of anxiety prior

62. Subs: Would you rather have a Master, a Dom, or a Daddy Dom?

idk if theres that much a difference between the first two but if i so much as hear an utterance of “daddy” i instantly become dry as the sahara

63. Littles: Describe your favorite stuffie.

n/a

64. Boys: What is your penis size?

n/a

65. Boys: Are you circumcised?

n/a

66. Boys: Do you prefer having sex without a condom?

n/a

67. Boys: Do you prefer oral or vaginal sex?

n/a

68. Doms: Do you believe in aftercare?

n/a

69. Doms: Would you rather own a slave, a sub, or a little?

n/a

lord this took forever i hope ur happy lol

#grown up talk

0 notes