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primofate · 3 years

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Smile for Me (Part 5) Zhongli x fem!reader

Summary: Zhongli never smiled at you the way that he smiled at his memories of Guizhong. Thinking that the only way Zhongli would ever be happy is for Guizhong to come back again, you secretly set off on a journey to bring her back to life. But it comes with a price: Your life.

Warnings: pining, angst, one-sided (at first), hurt, angst again, drama, some Guizhong x Zhongli, hints of Xiao x reader, MAY NOT FOLLOW THE ACTUAL LORE, not proofread.

Notes: This took longer than expected too. It’s just that I didn’t want to take too long explaining what happened and everything, I didn’t think that was the main focus, but my OCD self still wanted to include an explanation so...

Read: (Part 1) (Part 2) (Part 3) (Part 4) (Part 6)

“I told you not to do anything reckless,” was the first thing you heard when you opened your eyes. You hadn’t even processed anything yet. Not where you were. Not who was talking. Not even who you were. It came back to you very slowly as the ceiling started to become clearer. You rolled your head sideways to see Xiao, arms crossed and glaring at you. You blinked. As if missing pieces of your brain slowly coming back and you shot up from the bed, gasping. In alarm, Xiao stands as well and places his hands on your shoulders out of instinct. “What’re you doing?!” he hisses and you only look up at him, horrified. “Rex Lapis found out?” you whispered, eyes not hiding the fact that you were crestfallen.

If you were back, it only meant one thing. Someone took you back and you knew who it was. Xiao’s lips turn into a tight line, but he urges you to lay back down on the bed. Wangshu Inn. You recognize the decorations.

“Rex Lapis found out,” he confirms, but his fists ball up tight. Xiao himself had forgotten about you too, and the guilt he felt at that seemed to have increased his burdens. “...and he was enraged, Y/N, more so than normal,” Xiao explained and your shoulders slump, head down towards the hands on your lap.

“...and so was I... I warned you not to go to Wuwang Hill!” You winced at Xiao’s tone, but he had said nothing after that. You fell into silence as well. The only sound between you two were the birds chirping outside. “...I thought...” before you knew it the droplets were landing on your hands. Xiao stiffened up at the realization you were crying. “I thought it’d be better if she came back and I left,” your voice is barely above a whisper. “I don’t know how to take care of him, Xiao. I don’t know how to serve Rex Lapis for him to be at ease, the way he was with Guizhong. I don’t know how to make him smile the way Guizhong makes him smile. I--” and your sobs are soft, because you hold them back, because the last thing you wanted to do was to come back and face Rex Lapis and his questioning gaze.

Xiao suddenly stands. Your eyes dart over to him in question. He’s looking at you with guarded remorse, and yet, his face is stiff. You blink up at him, and watch as he walks backwards off to the side and bows towards the door that you hadn’t noticed had opened.

Your eyes widen, amidst your tears you can see the unmistakable blur of Zhongli standing there. Expression unreadable.

In the next moment, Xiao has left the room.

You cannot process what just happened. He continues to stand there, as if a statue, the only indication that he was living was the soft rise and fall of his chest. A shiver runs down your spine and you wipe the remaining tears you had left, reduced to just sniffling under his gaze.

“You must be wondering what transpired,” Zhongli starts, but doesn’t make a move to come closer. Not really, you think. You didn’t really care about what happened. There was only a deep set embarrassment in your stomach.

“It turned out to be an evil spirit residing in the tree for millennia. Trapping lost souls...Chongyun and Xiao had to help me restrict her.” He seemed to take in a ragged breath. “It’s nothing short of a miracle that we got you safely out of her realm,” here his voice changes. The tone hiding a type of anger that was slowly boiling over, like a volcano about to erupt.

“I could not imagine what would force you to go through such lengths, Y/N,” you could see the bits of lava spurting out now. “and to discover that I was the reason. Xiao is correct. I was enraged in the process,” the volcano was rumbling, and you didn’t know how to escape it’s wrath, you only fiddled with your fingers. As if a child being scolded.

Surprisingly he ended his speech there, and the volcano had simmered down. Rex Lapis was not one to lose his cool, specially after hearing what you said, and finding out the reason for it. You could hear the unmistakable sound of his shoes walking over, but you refused to look his way and look him in the eye. You didn’t have to though, because his fingers touch your chin and gently moves it towards him.

“...But I was more unsettled because of my own shortcomings. My lack of ability to see through you and stop you,” he drops his hand when he was sure you were going to hold his gaze. “You have misunderstood, Y/N. Guizhong is a past memory, I’ve long since accepted it. But of course, no matter how much time has passed, I still cherish those memories,” He takes the chair that Xiao was previously on and even sitting, he’s still a tad taller than you who is on the bed. “And so how do you imagine I felt when I discovered you’d chosen to erase all memories of you? Those memories that I cherish?”

Your head moves to try and look away from him but he catches it yet again with his hand and levels a gaze on you. He doesn’t want you to look away. “There was nothing to grasp at,” he starts and you notice his voice descends into a whisper. “Nothing to remember you by, it was by sheer luck that I found out,” you see that something shifts in his gaze, an emotion you’ve never seen in his eyes before. “Despite remembering your face I could not recall your name.” He doesn’t say it but you can see the frustration in his golden orbs and your lips part in wonder. “I had only realized it then but forgetting you completely is...” he pauses, searching for the right words to say. “...is like losing myself,”

He takes his hand away from your face and fresh tears start to pool around your eyes. “...I’m sorry,” you croak out but he shakes his head. “The apologies...should be coming from me,” his hand then slips into a back pocket, and retrieves a small rectangular box. A golden one, something that you seemed to recognize but not completely.

“I had one made for you,” and hands it over. Your hands grasp around it delicately, and the front flap opens up to reveal a fa-zan hairpin, the crystal design at the end of it were...blue Forget-Me-Nots. The type of blue that usually matched your qipao. Your eyes widen a fraction, and your lips upturn at the irony and thoughtfulness of it all the same. At the corner of your eye he seemed to relax at the expression on your face, but he covers one of your hands with his and you look at him curiously.

“Please do not think that I have done this out of pity,” Zhongli, in some ways, knew you quite well. “It’s something...that I should have done a while ago, but my own inadequacies and hesitance had prevented me,” he takes your hand, and as his eyes close, his lips presses on your knuckles briefly.

“But there is no rush, Y/N, I will gain your trust back, as it deserves to be gained,”

His lips part from your hand, and his eyes gaze upon yours.

“I will protect you, as you deserve to be protected,”

and then there’s an unmistakable fire of determination in his eyes.

“and if you allow it... I will court you as you deserve to be courted.”

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dorky-thighchi · 4 years

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WHAT I LOVE ABOUT DAISUGA AND CANON MOMENTS

Let’s appreciate these two for leading the team to the nationals (long post ahead)

1. Their goals and hard work for the team:

They’re always shown together planning for the team. When Asahi stopped playing volleyball, Noya got suspended, former coach Ukai stopped coaching. I felt bad for these two, they went through hard times as their captain and vice captain it’s their obligation to unite and guide the team. During their first year and second year they were used to failure and called flightless crows. Their expectations crumpled but they did not give up. It’s Daichi and Suga’s job to bring back the name of Karasuno to the nationals with the help of coach Ukai and Takeda, finally they made it to nationals, that’s why their former captain was so proud of them because they followed his words. When they didn't have their coach yet, they behaved as Karasuno’s temporary coaches (thank goodness Takeda’s an angel). Daichi was shown coaching the team in the first few episodes and Suga helped Tanaka bond Kageyama and Hinata. Suga questioned Daichi’s plan about the weird duo (Daichi’s a matchmaker) but after what Daichi said he helped the two bond and honed their skills.

In the HQ light novel “Melancholy of the third year student”, Asahi stated “with Sawamura leading the team and Sugawara taking care of the members, what could i possibly do to contribute” he witnessed Daichi and Suga walking together in the hallway; Asahi was impressed because of their dedication to guide the team to the nationals despite they’re in college prep class still they gave their best in guiding the team. Tanaka also acknowledged his senpais hard work that’s why he extremely respects his senpais, he was always there supporting the two. Coach Ukai madly respects Suga because he gave his setter position to Kageyama for the sake of the team and Daichi because he’s the best in motivating the team.

2. They know each other so well:

Daichi has this proud mode when he talks about Suga. When he told the team that Suga’s an experienced setter he had this “Yes that’s my amazing setter” face and when Suga did that amazing spike he jumped like a kid. In the HQ light novel “Sugawara’s decision” this happened during the first training camp. Suga was anxious to tell Daichi of his plan to give his setter position to Kageyama. When Suga finally told Ukai about his decision, Daichi and Asahi overheard their conversation and promised to win any match as much as they can. When Suga stated “I think in order to win, the person we need right now is Kageyama” Daichi and Asahi expressed their concern because the three promised to step on the court together (i get so emotional when the 3rd yrs play together). Daichi was worried and he told Suga that they can do something about it. THIS IS ACTUALLY ONE OF MY FAVORITE HQ LNs because of what Suga thought after their discussion “He was glad to have sawamura who accepted him the way he is, as his teammate” AND I FUCKIN LOST IT HQ LN SHOULD BE ANIMATED. Daichi supported Suga’s decision for the team, “Daichi was very certain of Suga who had been with him for the past 3 years”, he even stopped Tanaka from interrupting Suga’s monologue telling him to listen.

Remember when Ukai announced the first lineup for dateko vs karasuno match and the shot was focused to Suga and back to Daichi; you can see Daichi did this weird eye thing glancing at Suga. Daichi’s proud moments of Suga were “I think you’ve revived too Suga” and “I’m glad you still want to fight” when he told Daichi “I do wish my tosses could’ve played a part in the victory”. When Asahi and Noya stopped coming to the team, the only members left were Suga, Daichi and the 2nd years. Suga also took the blame and Daichi was there for him. He was shown secretly listening to Yamaguchi and Suga’s conversation about the mop (and comforted him that he shouldn't blame himself. I’m kinda disappointed they didn't include this in the anime). These panels show their trust and respect for each other.

He cant even dare to hurt Suga (but lets Suga punch him anytime) and he knows when Suga goes to overthinking mode. Also Suga knows Daichi so well i think i’m gonna cry. Scolding Daichi when he was not vocal during the game; Suga’s known for being the only one who can lecture Daichi. When Daichi told Suga and Asahi that it’s better to hand over the team to the 2nd yrs, Suga knew Daichi didn't mean that; Daichi felt hopeless because they lost again. He knew Daichi wanted to stay and play volleyball and step on the orange court.

He’s also used to Daichi’s stern mode. Daichi was also shown being the one who can keep Suga in control like “Suga please calm down”. Their relationship isn’t fully conveyed in the anime but i’m thankful that creators created drama cds, light novels, extras, spin-offs and haikyuu stage play to let us know more about the characters.

3. The team parents:

They always discuss about their team members like Suga asking Daichi about Kageyama and Hinata (kagehina bond ep) and Tsukishima. In the haikyuu drama cds “what if karasuno’s manager isn’t shimizu kiyoko” and “the reason behind the t-shirts” they were worried about entrusting the manager’s job to Tanaka, Noya and Hinata. When the team was hungry because Kiyoko wasn’t there, Suga told Daichi to take action so he assigned the weird duo to buy foods for the team and they were the ones who planned for the names of the shirts with the help of Noya, Kiyoko was pissed at the two because they were busy thinking of their own shirts. In the haikyuu light novel “the last summer vacation” (Sources: 1|2) Suga watched the team with worry on his face because it was so hot so he approached Daichi and expressed his concern that the team will get sick from the heat. Coach Ukai overheard the discussion and called a meeting. They’re usually seen together in every scene in the anime, stage play, haikyuu light novel, extras, manga, spin-offs and drama cds, scolding Tanaka, Noya, Hinata, Kageyama and Tsukishima; discussing volleyball stuffs; and buying pork buns for the team. In the lets haikyuu and extras (hq spin-off) it’s actually semi-canon they’re karasuno’s team parents. They also have this karasuno christmas bonding tradition.

It was also STATED BY THE DIRECTOR IN THE HQ MAGAZINE AND THE VOICE ACTORS THAT DAICHI AND SUGA ARE THE TEAM PARENTS AND TANAKA’S THE BIG BROTHER (here are the links: 1| 2|3)

IT’S CANON!!!!!! IT’S DAMN RIGHT CANON!!!!!TEAM PARENTS DAISUGA IS CANON!!!!!!

4. Teasing, bickering and just them being dorks:

Suga teasing daichi is my jam. In the HQ LN “Yachi’s delivery mission” (Sources 1|2), this conversation frickin made me squeal like a mouse with laryngitis. After practice the team was thirsty and wanted something cold to eat. “It’s indeed hot, lets get ice pops before we head home” daichi stated then frickin SLY/LIL SHIT SUGA JUST CASUALLY SAID THIS REMARK “Oh that’s not a bad idea, are you going to treat us Daichi-san” HE FRICKIN ADDED -SAN. So the team didn't let the opportunity go away they screamed with joy and thanked Daichi. After what happened Daichi just glared at Suga who was smiling at him. Daichi’s a softie when Suga’s involved. Suga got Daichi to buy ice cream for the team. I REPEAT HQ LN SHOULD BE ANIMATED.

Daichi knows when Suga’s about to do something stupid and his antics. They argued about this. When Suga was mad at Daichi because he was implying that the last year shrine visit was nothing; he was so pissed he started fuming at daichi. Suga also told Daichi that steak just being steak is better over diced steak. Hyped suga and daichi trying to calm him down is the cutest shit. In the HQ LN “Tokyo Expedition: Captains’ Meeting”(Sources: 1|2), Daichi warned Suga about Kuroo because he knows how to read minds and loves mind games and Suga was like ‘you need to chill Daichi’. When it was Suga’s turn to pick a card from Daichi’s deck he picked the joker and twitched his brows, Daichi whispered at Suga telling him whenever he drew the joker his brows twitch so Suga massaged his brows. I REPEAT AGAIN THIS SHOULD BE ANIMATED. The other captains and vice captains are competing against each other but look at these frickin idiots they are helping each other. DAICHI OBSERVING SUGA THEN WARNED HIM ABOUT HIS TENDENCY OF TWITCHING HIS EYEBROWS. IM GONNA FRICKIN DO A BACKFLIP. Also Daichi and Suga love to make fun of asahi but when you frickin hurt asahi these two will frickin punch you in the face. Frickin daisugasting dorks.

5. They are always together and in sync:

In the manga, anime, extras, stage play, light novel, drama cds and official art/merchandise they’re usually frickin together and always in sync, same reactions and thoughts. Remember when Daichi looked at Suga (S1 ep24) like he was asking for approval then Suga nodded. That was so cute ugh.

Extras:

Suga is 6 months older than Daichi. June 13 and December 31. Their birth dates makes me go WAIT WHAT.

Suga and Daichi’s name meanings are compatible.

During the christmas bonding time, Suga received daichi’s gift, a daruma. Daichi bought it as a gift because it weighs like a volleyball (he’s such a volleyball nerd) and he told Suga that they should draw the eye together. (Source link)

Suga thought that Daichi was jealous of his t-shirt because the phrase on his shirt was cooler than his. (Source link)

Suga’s first synchronize attack was a success and he tossed it to Daichi. Coach Ukai assigned these two along with Tanaka to learn synchronize attack.(Remember when Daichi told Suga he borrowed coach ukai’s tablet so they can watch the videos together)

The way they look at each other like there’s nothing else to look at.

What I truly love about these two is their relationship and trust for each other.They complement each other, which makes them a good combination. They went through obstacles and look THEY MADE IT TO THE NATIONALS, kiyoko witnessed their progress and asahi thanked suga and daichi because they welcomed him again in the team, remember when asahi was not sure if they’d accept him to the team but daichi and suga were just laughing and made fun of him.

Their vice captain and captain interaction isn't fully expressed in the anime and i hope that everyone will appreciate them more! They made it to nationals! And them being proud of Hinata and Kageyama in the hq time skip is one of the best treasures Furudate sensei gave to us.

Lets talk about these two. Daisugasting volleyball idiots.

I rest my case.

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untapanimedraw · 3 years

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Ok, lets talk the Winter 2021 anime season

Dear god, there are so many shows airing. A ton of sequels, and a decent amount of new shows. I think I’ll actually break down what I’m interested in watching into two parts, sequels and new. Lets get started.

Watching:

Sequels

Jujutsu Kaisen - This is technically a continuation rather than a sequel, but the spirit is the same. This was my choice for favorite anime of the season fall 2020 so this continuation has me pretty hyped.

Black Clover - Still continuing. The manga had a 6 month time skip and the anime did some anime only stories with the author’s direction to cover that time period and now it’s caught up to that time skip. Shit is about to go down and I am stoked.

Attack On Titan: Final Season - So this started airing in December which makes for a strange airing schedule, but it’s technically continuing from the fall season into the winter season. Anyway, it is fucking fantastic and this week’s episode left us on a major cliff-hanger for 2 weeks.

That Time I Got Reincarnated as a Slime S2P1 - Ok, so first... HOLY FUCK I’M SO EXCITED FOR THIS SEASON, IT’S GOING TO BE AMAZING. Second, yes this is part 1. Thanks to covid there are some longer running seasons that are being split up to accommodate the production schedule. So this part 1 is airing in winter, then in the spring the 4-koma comedy re-telling is airing, and then in summer part 2 of this season 2 will air. it’s annoying, but 3 continuous season of slime is a welcome thing.

Re:Zero S2P2 - Alright, so this is the second half of summer 2020′s season 2 part 1. I have high expectations considering what we’ve already been given.

Dr. Stone: Stone Wars (S2) - HOLY FUCK I’M SO FUCKING EXCITED FOR THIS SHOW, I LOVED THE FIRST SEASON AND AM READING THE MANGA AND OMG I CANNOT WAIT FOR MORE.

The Promised Neverland S2 - More of the promised neverland. I’ve heard that this season will go even harder than the first season and Emma will prove even more why she’s best girl, so bring it on.

The Quintessential Quintuplets S2 - A second season of a decent harem show? Bring it on.

Log Horizon S3 - So I didn’t watch this when the first 2 seasons aired years ago, 6 I think actually. That said it’s always been on my PTW list and when I heard season 3 was going to air I decided that now was the time to catch up; and wow am I glad I did. I binged the first 2 seasons over the last 3 weeks and I am so fucking invested now. I cannot wait for this next season.

Higurashi GOU - this is continuing from last season and I’ll keep watching it, though I’m still not quite sure how to evaluate it.

Yuru Camp S2 - WOOHOO!!!!! This was the chillest of chill shows that aired winter 2018 and I absolutely loved it. I’m so excited for this next season for more camping and adorable girls being chill.

World Trigger S2 - So I was under the impression that there were already 2 seasons of this show, I watched most of it I think but it’s been so long I don’t really remember much. But this is being called season 2... so either this is retconning the previous season 2 or that was really just 1 big season despite the notation on some websites. Also a S3 has already been announced so I need to hurry up and rewatch this before the new season airs. But with 73 episodes that might take a bit of time.

Armor Shop for Ladies and Gentlemen S2 - This is a sequel to the short anime of the same name. If you like it, you like it.

New

Cells at Work S2 - Ok, technically this is a sequel, but I’m including it here because of something cool that’s happening with the next title.

Cells at Work: Black - Why yes, this is a different Cells at Work title. This is based on the spin-off manga of the same title that gender swaps the cells from the main series and covers their work inside an extremely unhealthy body. This is going to be a grittier, bloodier, and bleaker show than the main one and in a fun airing scheduling event, they will be airing back to back. I’m quite excited for the both of these.

Mushoku Tensei: Jobless Reincarnation - OMG I CANNOT BELIEVE THIS IS GETTING AN ADAPTATION! SADLY IT’S A SPLIT COUR SO THIS IS THE FIRST HALF OF SEASON 1 AND THE SECOND HALF WILL AIR LATER PROBABLY IN THE SUMMER. BUT THAT’S OK BECAUSE EVERYTHING I HAVE SEEN ABOUT THIS SO FAR TELLS ME THIS WILL BE A PRETTY DAMN FAITHFUL ADAPTATION AND IT IS GOING TO BE FANTASTIC.

Horimiya - I’ve heard many good things about this romance show and am looking forward to it.

Redo of Healer - Ok, here we go. This is going to be the outrage anime of the season. That is, if it is actually watched by people. It’s also getting 3 different levels of censoring so uh, I’ll have to check for the proper versions when it airs.

So I’m a Spider, So What? - Ok, so funny story. I’d been hearing about this manga for a while so I decided to dive into it a few months back. As I read it, I thought it was pretty funny but I wondered if the anime adaptation would be great for a comedy manga about a reincarnated girl into a spider’s body. Then about 3 weeks ago, I realized I was reading the comedy spin-off instead of the main story. That said I’m still quite excited to see this adapted and I’ll get the manga after then anime is done.

The Hidden Dungeon Only I Can Enter - Hella ecchi, actually pretty fun manga. I’m looking forward to this adaptation.

Suppose a Kid from the Last Dungeon Boonies moved to a started town - Hopefully this will be as fun as the manga was. Here’s a better synopsis than the Livechart one - Lloyd is the weakest person in his remote village but his dream is to become a soldier in the big city. So he moves to the city and strives to make his dream come true. However in a twist, it turns out that the remote village Lloyd came from is the retirement town for all the world’s strongest heroes and they are all massively overpowered, so when he gets to the city he’s stupidly OP but it doesn’t quite click for him. Shenanigans ensue. It’s fun and I’m looking forward to this adaptation.

Bottom-tier Character Tomozaki - This is supposed to be not quite as good a romance as Horimiya this season, but still decent. If that is the comedy romance this is the drama romance show and hopefully it’ll be good.

Kemono Jihen - Mystery, supernatural, Yokai. I’m intrigued in this show and hope it’s decent.

Otherside Picnic - Shoujo Ai, Sci-Fi, I’m sold.

Hortensia SAGA - This is based on a game, but I’ve heard that the story and scope are actually quite good and the PV actually looks quite good so I’m definitely gonna check this one out.

SK8 the Infinity - Ok, so my first impression of this was nah, I’ll pass. But then I saw the PV and saw it was being animated by BONES and my impression changed to Ok I have to at least give it a couple episodes.

2.43 Seiin High School Boys Volleyball Team - So this is supposed to be Haikyuu except lots more drama and less gameplay. It will really have to pull me in in order to get me to not think boring Haikyuu when I watch it. I’ll give it a couple episodes.

Dr. Ramune -Mysterious Disease Specialist- - Doctor heals people from Yokai or something like that. The tags look interesting as do the character designs. I’ll check it out.

Back Arrow - Fantasy setting but BOOM... Mecha! That premise at least demands a couple episodes of my attention.

Heaven’s Design Team - Here’s my chill comedy SOL show of the season. The premise is Heaven has a design team that creates/created all the animals. I’m very excited to see the shenanigans.

Gekidol - Idols and stage acting. After watching the new Love Live last season I’m in the mood for some idol stuff. But most interesting to me is the next show on this list.

Alice in Deadly School - It’s not currently known whether this will be a full series or an OVA or some other thing, but this is an anime of the stage play that is being put on in Gekidol. The same VAs in Gekidol that play the characters in this play are voicing the characters for this anime production. And I just think this whole setup is neat and am very interested to see it play out (pun fully intended).

Idoly Pride - This seems to be a more straight-forward idol show which I’m going to check out.

Maiko-san Chi no Makanai-san - Girl doesn’t quite cut it to do the thing she and her friend came to do, but she found that she can cook so uses her cooking for support her friends. SOL, lets go.

Wave!! Surfing Yappe!! - Surfing show, the animation will make or break this show so we will see how it turns out.

Wow, that is a lot of shows, lets add them up.

13 sequels and continuations

22 new shows

35 total. I kinda hope some of these suck cause HOT DAMN, that’s a lot of shows.

#anime #winter 2021

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crollalanzaa · 4 years

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My Haikyuu Thoughts

(reposted from twitter)

I started the manga 23/6/14 largely because there was a void left by me falling out of HP which RL and PJO wasn’t filling. I saw Hinata art on viria’s tumblr and was, ‘oh, who he?’ I think I watched a bit of the anime but had not thought much of it ???

So there was this kid who was irritatingly enthusiastic and embarrassingly bad at volleyball and it was all the cringe making stuff I hate because I’m not into vicarious humiliation, but as I read on, and he hit that perfect shot and yelled ‘ALL RIIIIIGHT!’ I was almost hooked.

Then he appeared and you know who I mean. It wasn’t the appearance at the middle school match but turning up at the gym, realising his place was now under threat, but going out of his way to make sure the two idiots bonded on court.

I was intrigued and more than a little koo-koo over Suga, but still not absolutely hooked. The point where I knew this was not only my thing but a story which was going to reel me in was the Neighbourhood match. The drama of the Asahi/Suga/Nishinoya dynamic was one thing. Asahi calling for the toss still sends shivers up and down my spine and yet ... what hooked me was the adults leaving the match, their conversation as they went back to their normal lives They laughed with fondness and nostalgia about the drama of HS volleyball and as an adult reading that, it suddenly transcended the kids/teen lit I’d thought it would be (nothing wrong with that -I often prefer this genre because books written for my demographic I find samey and overly romance or abuse based) because we had normal people like me who’d left their HS dreams in the gym (or the drama studio for me) but were happy(ish) in their everyday lives and enthusiastic about volleyball as a hobby. When Shimada put himself out to help Yamaguchi. When Saeko put herself out to get the idiots to Tokyo, it felt like they were falling for these kids and this team like me.

Reel back a bit. Hq had been going for two years when I jumped in. I binge read everything in two days, finishing at 112 (I think). Back in the day, my friend, we were relying on fan translations. There was no official site, and the translators did it all for love, which was wonderful but there was a lot of debate about reading for free and waiting for the translation could be tortuous. I wanted to support Furudate but couldn’t buy the physical copies. It was suggested at one point that Eng speaking fans shouldn’t be a part of the fandom - not by anyone remotely official, you understand - but that was the state of things in 2014. I bought official merch instead and watched the anime while I waited for 113 to drop.

So forward to 117. If you ever want to know why I still catch my breath and laugh a little at the Daichi Dead moment it’s because we all had to wait for what seemed like twenty years to find out what the high heck was wrong with him. I genuinely thought he’d wrecked his shoulder and was distraught because there was no way they’d win everything with the Captain out!

(Of course I had no real idea about Ennoshita stepping up to the plate, but that’s another story) The discovery it was a tooth had me SCREECHING! So relieved. I yelled to one of my first hq friends (who’s now deactivated) and then casually went to France with friends -hahaha.

I’ve done complete 180s on so many characters now that it’s safe to say I never trust the initial narrative Kags, Tsukki, Yams (come on, he was Tsukki’s mate giggling in corners over Hinata’s ineptitude. It was only when he saw what Hinata could do he stopped being a sock puppet).

The biggest turn around was on Oikawa who I hated to the point where I threw things at my laptop when he appeared. It wasn’t so much him as everyone going ka-ka over him which pissed off my withered adult heart. What changed was forcing myself to write him for an IwaOi week. I reread/rewatched his story and through Hajime’s eyes I began to appreciate him. I wrote Philos as an Achilles/Patroclus reincarnation type fic and that led on and on. And this is what Furudate does so well. Gives you a ‘villain’ then adds the backstory so they’re a hero.

Disliked Tendou, too but his Farewell My Paradise, his acceptance of defeat and the way he was such a good sport about it, made me gasp. And I love love love his new career.

It’s the appreciation of amazing play by the opposition which made me fall hard for Inarizaki and Atsumu. (Look at him here! Punt him out the f*cking window!) I’d learnt not to automatically hate anyone, so I reserved judgment. Moment I decided I liked him? Setting for Kags.

Moment I decided I loved him - getting laughed at by Osamu.

Before this turns into an Atsumu appreciation thread, let me tell you about the characters I was indifferent to but then warmed towards. The main one was because one of my earliest hq friends (yes, you Megan) likes him and through her eyes I started to appreciate the hngg that is Konoha Akinori

When I first started reading hq, I did some searches on tumblr and came across quite explicit Kuroken fanart, so I was understandably nervous meeting those Nekoma boys. Although I’m still ultra fond of the kurokens I wrote, hindsight is a dreadful thing when you see how off your assumptions and hcs were. But in retrospect I don’t think anyone envisaged quite how dorky and shy Kuroo had been as a boy. The error I laugh over the most is somehow transplanting Yaku’s personality into Kai and vice versa, but that’s what happens when you write before canon is done. But I wouldn’t have it any other way. Could I have held off writing for six years - nyope. Not a chance. Watching the story unfold, week after week, year after year has honestly been the happiest part of my life. Is that sad? Is it melodramatic?

Perhaps. But it has brought me so much apart from a fantastic story. Found friends. A shelter from when real life’s shit. And so many laughs. I still on occasion burst out laughing in the street when I think about Hinata forgetting to spike, or a daft hc shared on twitter. Still sigh a little over the ppl who said they’d leave when their team lost. Remember the time I was warned not to celebrate the Crows winning because it would upset the Seijou fans. I restricted myself to a brief yay then deleted. All nonsense, because most of the Seijou fans I was friendly with accepted the narrative with a bit of wistfulness and looked forward to the next chapter. And for those who wept that Oikawa ‘deserved to win’ they received their own message from Tooru that his ‘worthless pride’ meant something and he was still a winner!

Oikawa Tooru’s journey perfectly illustrated the idea that your life doesn’t end at High School, that your path is never fixed, and you’re not only made of your achievements but perhaps more so by the doubts and failures. We saw that more recently with the strongest player Ushijima Wakatoshi whose recent backstory with Iwaizumi has at last made me warm to him. (Iwa-chan has this effect!)

There are so many stories to relate to. So many moments. Yachi and Suga overthinking. Kiyoko finding something else she was passionate about. Asahi returning.

You all know I write and some of you know I’m an amateur actor - both of these rely on a certain amount of internal motivation but also external validation. What if the story flops? What if I dry on stage? ‘What if’ can become a never-ending mantra. So when Hirugami’s story appeared, where despite being amazing at volleyball it was making him miserable, until Hoshiumi suggested he could quit and that freed him - it sang to me. I’ve been through ups and downs with writing, and much as I love acting it can takeover especially the worry that you’ll fuck up. I know I won’t set the world alight and that used to ‘Concern’ me, but partly thanks to this story and also my hq tl, I’ve realised it’s unimportant.

If I fuck up on stage, I might throw off other people, but no one will die. If no one reads my fic, I won’t die. If I never write another fic ... no one will die except for the fictional characters and my headcanons. And even then they’re still alive in my head.

And look, I have so many ppl to thank who’ve made this journey with me and supported me all the way, but I’m too scared of missing people out and in a way everyone has helped. But none more than the creator. So Thank you Furudate and Haikyuu for everything.

Great Receive!

#haikyuu!!#thank you furudate-sensei #long post #manga spoilers for anime

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chew-ie-blog · 7 years

Text

Fandom Hype

Just a personal post about staying hyped in a fandom.

I find it difficult to stay invested in a fandom, at least in the typical way of keeping up with the manga/anime, and I think the main reason is because I sometimes don’t appreciate the protagonists or the most popular ships.

For instance, as much as I reblog about Haikyuu!! and like the material that pops up on my blog, I don’t care too much for the actual manga. I used to enjoy it, until perhaps, the Shiratorizawa Arc? And then it got stale for me, and I eventually ended up referring solely to fanwork and neglected canon content altogether. The main reason for that is simply because I don’t care about Karasuno. I find its characters cute, but that’s it; I don’t care for Karasuno’s development, how Hinata and Kageyama learn to synergize with each other, or how everyone on the Karasuno team fills a niche role.

Instead, my favorite characters are Oikawa and Akaashi, the former whose character development was basically finished (with Aobajousei’s loss) and the latter who is a minor character. And that makes me sad, because I can recognize that Haikyuu!! is a well-fleshed sports manga, which explores so many aspects of a volleyball team; it deals with Yamaguchi contributing from the bench, to Sugawara-- a third year-- resigning to be the secondary setter and still remaining an important member of the team, to someone like Tsukishima who discovers passion for volleyball later on in the manga (as opposed to someone like Hinata, who knows that he wants to play volleyball right from the start).

But yet, simply put, these characters don’t hold my interest. And when they’re constantly featured over my favorite characters, I find myself losing interest in the manga as a whole. It’s like... you wouldn’t read a fanfiction where the focus was on a character you didn’t care too much about; you wouldn’t mind if they popped up once in a while, but it would bore you if the fanfiction revolved around them. And that’s what I feel when I read Haikyuu!!, and I wish that wasn’t the case. (Of course, I think it’s perfectly natural for Haikyuu!! to focus on its main team-- Karasuno-- and follow through with its journey. This is not a criticism on the manga whatsoever; it’s simply a personal reason about why I don’t enjoy it.)

Likewise, it’s hard to stay invested in a fandom if you don’t care about its relationships, even if you like the characters. I used to be obsessed with Mystic Messenger, because I loved its cast. But I really didn’t ship the protagonist with anyone (despite the nature of the game), and soon I found that I didn’t really want to play the game at all. Because no matter how much I, say, liked Yoosung’s character, I found it boring when the game focused on his affection for the MC and not on his casual interactions with the rest of RFA. (That’s why, ironically, I liked the first days of MM better than the last days, when it was chock full of drama.)

And although the fandom had ships outside of RFA/MC, the dominant ones were Zen/Jumin and Seven/Yoosung, which I honestly did not ship, especially the former one. I preferred 7en (Zen/Seven), but whenever I tried to look for 7en content, I would constantly run up against Zen/Jumin instead, and would get discouraged. And unable to connect with the original content (MM game) or the fandom, I ended up leaving it pretty quickly. At least with Haikyuu!!, there’s a pretty good chunk of the fandom that likes Oikawa most, and there’s plenty of material featuring him to go around. (My OTP for Oikawa isn’t IwaOi, but it’s still a ship I enjoy, and I would say that’s the second most popular ship in the fandom.) Even Akaashi, despite his minor appearances, has a substantial following (and like with IwaOi, BokuAka isn’t my favorite OTP for Akaashi, but it’s still a good ship and one that’s very popular). So despite feeling no particular affection for the canon content, I still find the fanon material interesting. And that’s why, I suppose I’m still in the fandom. Still, whenever I see manga caps floating around or people hyping up over the live action movie, I can’t relate to that at all.

The fandom I stayed in for the longest time was Hetalia, and it was a fandom where my OTP aligned with the fandom’s OTP (USUK), and where I adored its main character (Italy). And that’s why I was so invested in the fandom, canon and fanon-wise, for so long. Like God, I ate up every small update to its webtoon, memorized lyrics for the character songs, and reread 40k+ length fanfiction. (In fact, my favorite fanfiction was World Powers, an amazing, 178k story.) I spent hours (as in, literally 6-7 hours/day) watching HetaOni, HetaHazard, HetaQuest, RomaHeta, etc.; all those Hetalia-variant games. I even spent a substantial time finding Hetalia-related songs and downloading them all; I had a whole folder dedicated to Hetaloid songs, and God was that full (AsaKiku’s “World’s End Dancehall,” anyone?). It’s so easy to get sucked into a fandom. And on some level, I really want to revisit that level of hype, even if it’s probably going to make me more unproductive than I am now.

But in the fandoms I stumble across now, I find that I’m not all that interested in the protagonist or the fandom’s favorite ships. I feel like one of the reasons I latched on to Shouwa Genroku Rakugo Shinjuu is because I really like the protagonist, Kikuhiko, because I’m a little tired of liking the side characters and skipping past vital parts of the story just to get to them. Like for Naruto, I didn’t care all that much for Naruto (or Sasuke), nor did I like the main ships (SasuNaru, NaruSaku, NaruHina, SasuSaku, etc. Granted, I did like SasuSaku for a while, but that was before Shippuden happened.) It’s been, what, some 8 years since I last ventured into the Naruto fandom, but I think my OTP was KibaHina? And while that got some recognition, I don’t remember it being a huge ship. Things like that. I find that I normally fall for pairings with some material-- not complete crack ships-- but not enough to really satiate me or keep me attached to the fandom. For Gekkan Shoujo Nozaki-kun, my OTP was NozaMiko, and I didn’t care at all for NozaChiyo. Right now for Haikyuu, it’s KurooAka, and while there seem to be many people who entertain the ship, it’s not really their main ship. It seems like something they write on the side from BokuAka (like God, so much BoKurooAka out there).

I don’t know, I’m sure this is a thing for many people, since the people that stay in one fandom and grow obsessed with it are much fewer than the people who hop between fandoms. I guess I just wanted to get this down somewhere, for whatever reason? I wouldn’t really want to bring it up in a discussion or anything.

#personal

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