#like getting it all from concepts in my brain to an actual coherent Thing feels fucking impossible
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finally finished up my midterms that was hell
#had to write a mini essay thing i just i gave up nd half assed it cuz i was running out of time#i hate that im so bad at writint it literally isnt even that hard but my brain just Cannot figure out how to . Explain????#like getting it all from concepts in my brain to an actual coherent Thing feels fucking impossible#inquisitivewaltz.txt#looking forward to second semester cuz i have an art class w my bestie but i forgot to switch out#of this one class so uh. also kinda dreading it 💔#they put me in some stupid ass elective i didnt pick. a second time. with the same teacher#that last one is just cuz shes the only one who teaches the class but like dude that first class w her i had was fucking hell#genuinely i was crying like every other day in that class#the teacher herself isnt even that bad the enviornment was just So awful for me and she was so condescending#i swear all the ‘nice’ teachers treat me like a fucking toddler its so exhausting. i get it im stupid but like shut up
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lightwit
I love your mindfulness posts. I personally hate the concept of mindfulness with a passion because to me that's just normal being human and using your effing brain properly, but as an educator I have had to accept the fact that manymany people do not in fact have much self awareness and actually do benefit from this mumbojumbo. So, I am so glad I am not the only one struggling out here. 😜
I hope it's okay if I pop this into its own post because it actually gets at something I'm contending with. So, in order to get my research lined up and my thoughts in a row for therapy I turned all this research into a powerpoint called "Doing A Stupid Powerpoint For My Stupid Mental Health". And one of the slides in it is titled "Mindfulness: Petition To Rename It".
Mindfulness, as a term, is uselessly broad; it's such a bad way to identify a category of treatment/behavior that there appears to be an entire subgenre of scientific papers that work to create a framework of what Mindfulness actually is -- I read at least three papers, all published in the last ten years, that are like "What is Mindfulness in a useful sense?" and all of them had different answers. And because Mindfulness is now a buzzword, if you're researching it then you're likely to run into everything from scholarly articles to pop journalism to clickbait, to both harmless and genuinely dangerous peddlers of quack science. And sometimes the quack scientists are also publishing scholarly articles where they've just been p-hacking.
So I'm inclined to agree that mindfulness is mostly nonsense, but that's a problem with the term, not what falls underneath it. There are therapeutic modes that call themselves mindfulness that actually are rooted in real science. I think these should probably have a new name, like Therapeutic Awareness or something, but it'd just get co-opted back into the woo, I have a feeling.
So there's a lot of nonsense, but the goal of being present in the moment and self-aware isn't an idle one; there's an increasing body of knowledge suggesting that it's a foundational skill for emotional regulation and healthy coping. The scholarship goes way beyond "mindfulness arises from Buddhist practice" which if I have to read one more time I'm gonna throw stuff. Clinical testing is looking at things like physiological responses to mindfulness behaviors that have nothing to do with what's going on in your conscious mind. There's some woo surrounding "Coherent Breathing" and I don't trust the foremost proponent of it as far as I can throw him, but he didn't invent it, and testing shows that people trained in and practicing Coherent Breathing have better focus and can, to an extent, lower the level of stress hormone in their body. "Positive affect" (happy emotions) didn't rise, but "Negative affect" (sadness, anger, stress etc) was lowered.
A lot of what's being studied on a clinical level involves us as humans somehow activating shit in our nervous system that we have no conscious control over, the same way we develop muscle memory by doing a task repeatedly. That has measurable value for the issues I'm trying to solve, but it's not universally applicable, which is another reason so much of mindfulness comes across as junk science, because it tries to tell us that it's a cure-all when it isn't.
But there's reason to believe that if you can reroute your nervous system when you're starting to become upset, you can short-circuit maladaptive reactions and prevent it from causing a spiral or an over-reaction or similar, and some practices called mindfulness can train for that. And that's my goal, so I'm willing to rummage in the garbage for the gold.
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So, I literally have no motivation and am just not in a great place right now. I can barely get out of bed for work and showers are exhausting.
Have a repost from my AO3
Movie Intervention (Billy Loomis x Reader x Stu Macher)
Summary: You’ve been working yourself too hard at school and haven’t given the boys the attention they need, so they take things into their own hands.
It was a bad habit to fall into, you knew that. Still, there wasn’t much you could do about it. Between actually having to go to school, the homework you got after, and work, your day was jam-packed. There weren’t enough hours in the day, so you had to free your hours at night. This means that you were here again, gearing up for another late late-night study session. Physics specifically had been kicking your ass and you had to ace this next test or you were certain you’d be doomed to repeat the class. For the sake of your long-term sanity, you couldn’t let that happen.
Several times now, you’d had to cancel on your friends. You still saw them at school, and Randy at work as well, but it wasn’t the same as actually hanging out or partying. You’d had to turn down numerous invitations to sleep over at Tatum’s with Sydney and gossip. You’d had to miss Stu’s parties and miss movie nights with him and Billy. You couldn’t really indulge Randy in his usual rants at work, as well. You missed them all, especially Billy and Stu.
You cared deeply about the both of them, more so than the others in your group. You weren’t sure if they noticed or returned the sentiment, and you weren’t really sure what to call it. Maybe a crush, but it felt more comfortable than that. It would definitely be too early to call it love, too. Every time you had to turn them down, to hear the disappointment over the phone or see the looks of yet another letdown in person, it felt like someone stacked another ten-pound plate on your chest. Sooner or later, if this continued, you just might crack under the pressure.
It was nearly eleven at night now, not too late yet but you could be assured that most of Woodsboro was fast asleep by now. Knowing that was, perhaps, even more isolating than your room which you’d spent the better part of two weeks in. The desk in your room had felt more like a prison as you studied. To avoid distractions, you turned off the lights in your room and used solely the little desk lamp in the corner as you worked. It was less burning the midnight oil and more someone set the entire pot of oil on fire and poked a hole in it so that it was both burning too fast and spilling out the bottom. You were, in this moment and for the past two weeks, a fiery ball of leaking oil.
Time stretched on and your back ached. Your wrist, fingers, neck, and shoulders ached with it. Your… well your everything seemed to hurt. “It’s not even that late…” talking out loud to yourself was the only way your thoughts could be coherent at all. “I’ve stayed up way later than this. I can do this.” You could repeat a similar sentiment to yourself all you wanted, scream it at the top of your lungs and say it with all the passion your heart could hold but it wouldn’t stop the words on the pages from blurring and doubling. Nothing you looked at could stay still and you took another gulp of your half-filled energy drink (the fourth of the night and sixth of the day) which only served to prove just as unhelpful. You could feel your mind start to spiral into nonsensical half-thoughts and abstract concepts you didn’t have the energy to define.
A knock at your front door pulled your brain from its spiral and shot adrenaline through your body, enough to be able to pull yourself from your chair and drag yourself to the door. You opened it to be greeted by Stu, with his fist in the space where the door had just been, and Billy who had popcorn and a tape in hand. They seemed, at first, surprised that you answered at all, then taken aback at your disheveled, sleep-deprived appearance.
“Hey, buddy!” Stu was the first to speak up. “We missed ya’ so we thought we’d drop by. If you can’t come to movie night, we’ll bring it to you!” You weren’t quite sure what to say for a few very long seconds.
“Oh… I’m sorry guys. I can’t- I mean, I’d love to and I wish we could but I’ve got to study. Maybe some other time?” You could hear the exhaustion in your voice, much to your displeasure. You sounded worse than you thought. It hurt to have to turn them away, especially when they had gone out of their way to come to you with everything needed, but you couldn’t. You just couldn’t.
“We’re not taking no for an answer,” Billy spoke up.
“Yeah, no can do, man! I mean, we’re already here and your down here as well! It’d be more work to go allllll the way back upstairs.” He chimed in and pushed past you as he spoke. Billy followed suit.
“Guys…” you sighed out.
“Shut it.” Billy cut you off before you could finish your thought. He grabbed hold of your arm, pulling you fast enough that you could just barely shut the front door before you were much too far away. You were too tired to physically resist.
The two made their way to your living room, dragging you along with them. Billy was first to set on the couch, pulling you to sit in the middle so he was on your left. He opened the pre-made popcorn he had with him and offered you some. You were too tired to chew, if that even made sense. Either way, you shook your head. You were quickly losing any energy you had left and verbally responding to anything took far too much effort that you didn’t have.
Stu grabbed a large, fuzzy blanket from somewhere in your living room, spreading it out to cover both you and Billy, with enough extra to cover himself when he sat down as well. Billy tossed him the tape to get the movie started. You knew from the music as the movie began that they had chosen Halloween. It was a movie you had watched a thousand times, hundreds of those times being with Billy and Stu. You knew the movie like the back of your hand by now, and you were sure they knew that. They’d purposely chosen a movie you’d seen before so you could sleep without worrying about missing anything.
It dawned on you as Stu sat down on the couch right next to you on your right, covering himself with the blanket and putting his arm around your shoulder, that the boys, perhaps, felt the same closeness to you as you did to them. Certainly, they hadn’t done this for anyone else in the group. Not Randy, not Sydney, and not Tatum, even though the girls were dating Billy and Stu, respectively. It was enough to pull a smile on your lips; the first in weeks. You felt Billy put his arm around your waist and rest his hand on your thigh, pulling you into him just slightly but allowing you to stay in Stu’s arm as well. The two passed the popcorn back and forth between each other as they, or really Stu for the most part, rambled on about different cinematic techniques the movie used and the landmarks the movie had made, all while you put your head on Stu’s shoulder. Your eyelids grew heavy and each time you blinked, you found yourself wanting to open them less and less.
You fell asleep like that, with your head on Stu’s shoulder as he rambled on about the movie, in the hold of your two favorite people in Woodsboro. And, as you drifted off, you decided there was nowhere else you’d rather be. Your hearing was the last to go as you faded out.
“Stu, shut the fuck up. You’re going to wake them up.”
“Am not!”
“Stu.”
“Fine, whatever man.” A pause. “G’night sweets.”
“Yeah, sleep well, babe.”
…And you were out.
#poly ghostface x reader#poly ghostface#ghostface x reader#ghostface#scream franchise#scream#scream 1996#billy loomis x reader#stu macher x reader#hurt/comfort#i guess?#not really sure how to tag this
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The River
Worldbuilding/Lore
<< Previous: Lyctorhood | Masterpost
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So, okay, bear with me here. I think these people's brains are fundamentally different from ours. And I think their brains are spiritual matter, contained in a brain-shape and perhaps even anatomically so. There was talk of a temporal lobe, after all.
Mind you, memories don't just get stored in one place in the brain. The hippocampus is crucial for formation of memories and storing them short-term - for a few months, maybe. After that, I was told in my studies we don't quite know where they go - likely stored in different parts all over the brain, connected to associations.
One thing I do know, however, is that you can't physically see which parts of the brain relate to which memory. Knowing this from necromantic ability should be a skill even Mercymorn would struggle with. Harrow, a bone magician, knows she is not the best flesh magician, so she enlists Ianthe's help for her lobotomy. Ianthe, allegedly the best necromancer in her generation, is actually able to do an alright job, except for one part where Harrow does some herself. Have they found ways to look at memories through the brain? By all current available science, I would rate that fairly impossible. Either science has progressed wildly in this (possible, given the whole ass myriad and then some), or these brains are not the same.
I actually think brains in this are made from much the same matter that The River is. The River is clearly not of Alecto or John's invention. It was discovered somehow, and when they resurrected everyone, they basically found the revenants for the bodies, and just stuck them back in, literally; pockets - or bubbles - of River, containing the revenant exactly, replacing the goopy mess of dead brain in the body.
Now your brains are goopy messes of river, made to look like what you expect the brain to look like. Your perceptions, expectations and rules are important in the River - it makes sense that River/Revenant-brains would still be brain-shaped. It means the brain is more fluid than that, though; in the Lyctor's cases, one soul - one brain - "takes over".
(Doesn't really explain why Lyctors like God, Augustine and Mercymorn consistently have their cavalier's eyes - other than maybe it was just that that's what they were expecting.)
Ok, so I kinda think brains are parts of The River. Coherent as revenants, living in bodies. This would have been the case for the first people who were resurrected a myriad ago - so when they create babies, the baby's brain is also River water, for want of a better term? Therefore everyone's is? And Death, in this post-resurrection world, is just returning to the River proper?
It's a working theory.
The River is a physical place, and also kind of like sub-space. You can enter it, you can form pockets of meaning in there, you can hunt things in there and make wards. You can use it to travel quickly to destinations many lightyears away. It is a physical place, but also a spiritual one. It is, essentially, the brain matter of billions, jumbled together, increasing in entropy with depth, all the way down to the stoma, where you can enter full entropy and be reduced to particles, as I understand.
Did you know that some scientists use entropy to describe brain processes? Entropy increases in the brain as it responds to stimuli. The concept of entropy is necessary for explaining what goes on in the brain, an organ of trillions+ of possible configurations, changing moment by moment. And what happens physically in the brain is perceived by us through a range of associations and thoughts and feelings, which all look and feel very different to the electric charges zipping along nerve axons and synapses releasing chemicals to trigger a reaction in the next nerve along. Which is (a gross oversimplification of) what actually physically happens inside our brains, millionfold, every millisecond.
Hey wait a second though. The Central Nervous System also includes the spinal cord. Is this included in the RiverBrain package deal? What about peripheral nerves? Right, I'm gonna stop this here, it's already one hell of a rabbit hole.
So if I'm right, then brains are made of River, and River is made of Brains. Sub-space, physically traversible brains. If planets, if stars have a soul, the whole Universe has a soul. The River could a manifestation of the Universe's soul, its collective Brain, and it encompasses all once (and future?) living things. It's not in our plane of existence, but can be accessed physically and mentally.
The River might be the source of necromantic ability, and I think either John or Alecto figured out how to access it. I Just Don't Think You're Supposed To.
Ok, let's get into Characters next. Blorboposting incoming.
>> Next: Gideon Nav
#tlt liveblog#the locked tomb liveblog#tlt spoilers#the locked tomb#tlt#gideon the ninth#harrow the ninth#no nona the ninth spoilers please#tlt theories
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just wanted to say that last week's FP episode was such a great gut punch for me, my jaw dropped. it was beautifully done; Bell's and Jericho's stories being told simultaneously was a super effective contrast. Bell's side of things feels like acceptance of the flaws of the present society and moving toward progress in changing it, while Jericho's side feels like total rejection of the flaws of the present society and moving backward from progress to destroy it instead. thus we remain stagnant in this shitty status quo, and Jericho recreates his trauma around his autonomy being taken from him by doing the same to Bell in a way. AND in the process my favorite character is killed. augh it hurts :'-)
i've been a long time reader since the first version was posted on DA and man it's just cool as hell to see how this story has evolved. i really admire and appreciate your dedication to it. i've always found CoB a very unique concept with a ton of potential and i'm so grateful and SO excited to get to see it through to the end after all these years. it continues to impress me more and more as it progresses. i have the webtoon app exclusively to read this lol. thank you for all your hard work creating it!
i got a handful of asks about this week's episode, but i'm gonna respond to this one for now bc it's been sitting here for almost a month since i got it while it was still on FP
first off, i'm glad this ep hit w/ so many people! i'm gonna share my own thoughts soon, maybe tomorrow rather than my usual friday "weekly thoughts." a little off topic and TMI, but i actually got the worst food poisoning of my life last week and I've kinda just been a pile of mush incapable of coherent thoughts since. Today's the most normal I've felt since that all hit tho, so hopefully by tomorrow I'm capable of structuring thoughtful posts again.
But anyway, thank you! I put so much more of my brain power into that ep than I normally do and I'm glad it paid off haha. I'll elaborate more in my weekly thoughts, but it means a lot that people are appreciating it.
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Senti-Adrien
Actually, you know what? I’m not done being salty about this and the ask has a character limit.
I LOVE “character finds out they were X, but become their own person”. I ADORE it. Hunter from Owl House was already one of my favourites, but the moment we found out about Grimwalkers, he shot straight to the top of my list. I LIVE for that shit. Give me the struggle. Give me the angst. Give me the rock bottom moment of thinking they’re “nothing”, and their friends rallying around them. Give me the shock from the creators - “It isn’t possible!”, “You’re just a puppet!”, “I made you!” - as they break out their programming/abuse/misconceptions and become their own person. Give me the sweet triumph of flipping their tormentors the middle finger, surrounded by their found family, confident in the knowledge that they are alive and real. Adrien as a Sentimonster, even if they only thought of it Season 3, could have been SO GOOD, and they SCREWED IT UP! You know how you could have made it good?? You know how you could have kept it going??
We only meet Adrien after he’s already begun to change.
Make the implication that going to school, forging his father’s signature, all of that, wasn’t Adrien’s idea, but Chloe’s. Sure, Adrien wanted to go, but make Chloe the brains behind getting him in school. Chloe is the one who figures it all out, plans the whole thing, and gets Adrien to agree. Sure, it doesn’t work. Sure, Adrien gets caught. He’s ordered back home, and he goes, like an obedient little drone. But then you know what happens?
He gets Plagg. He gets the Black Cat Miraculous. He becomes Chat Noir.
Right away, Adrien is gung-ho about being a superhero. He doesn’t even let Plagg finish EXPLAINING before jumping right into running around in a leather cat suit. And isn’t that weird, if Adrien is a Sentimonster? If he’s supposed to follow orders? Like, I’m not saying Gabriel ever gave him the specific instruction of “If you find magic jewelry, do not use it to become a costumed superhero”, but given how restricted Adrien is, I imagine there were some … strongly worded … advice, that Adrien has been given. “Don’t go out alone”. “Tell me what you’re doing”. “Stay safe”. And Adrien, raised (made) the way he is, such a people pleaser, unaware that he could (and should) be looking for loopholes, probably tries to follow those pleas(orders) to the letter and spirit. Like, he probably still feels stifled. He probably longs for freedom. But he stills obeys (it’s what he was made to do). But the moment, the second, he gets the Black Cat Miraculous, he’s leaping at the chance to do something he wants, something he’s longed for … and something he probably has orders against doing.
At first, this seems like bad writing, if Adrien is supposed to be a Sentimonster the whole time. But. What do we later find out the Black Cat’s power, Cataclysm - what does it do, to Sentimonsters? It cause them to go berserk. To lose coherency. To lash out.
It destabilizes them. They stop obeying and start rampaging, because they are beings of pure emotion. They stop responding to orders, and start responding to the emotions they were made with.
Normally, most Sentimonsters just go nuts, because they are simple beings made from one emotion. Anger, fear, rage, joy, curiosity. They don’t have a lot of depth, so they respond to the one thing they do have, which often results in a single minded pursuit, and often destruction. But Adrien is different. Adrien isn’t just a Sentimonster. Adrien is a mix, Sentimonster and human. His parents used a Sentimonster to get Emilie pregnant, but they didn’t just have the baby pop out of nowhere. Emilie had a pregnancy. She went through the whole process, from conception to birth. Adrien wasn’t sprung up fully formed, he developed. He was born. He grew up. Yes, he’s a Sentimonster. Yes, he can be controlled. But whatever his emotional core was, that was used to make him, Adrien himself has developed, grown. He has far more emotions than another Sentimonster, because he’s had time to grow.
But he is still a Sentimonster. And that means he can be effected like one.
The moment Adrien is given the power of the Black Cat, immediately, his first act, is responding to his own strongest emotion - his desire for freedom. He becomes Chat Noir - submerging himself further in the Power of Destruction - and he takes off. And all throughout Origins, you see Adrien responding to situations emotionally. He rushes into fights, he jumps first, thinks later. He has one big moment of admiration for Ladybug, and decides then and there that whoever is behind the mask, he loves them. Heck, throughout the series, at least the very early stuff, Adrien is very emotionally driven. He does things, not because he thinks it’s a good idea, but because he feels it is. Best example is the Bubbler. Logically, it is a terrible idea for Adrien to let Nino stay Akumafied just so he can have a party. He should have ditched immediately to change into Chat Noir. But he doesn’t, because in his head it’s his first birthday party. Nino threw him a party. His friends are there. He’s going to have fun. Adrien feels happy. Appreciated. Loved. So he stays. He parties with the Bubbler. But then he sees others aren’t having fun. That they were forced there. Trapped. When Adrien finds out exactly what’s going on, he feels awful, and realizes how it’s effecting everyone else, and that’s when he ditches to become Chat Noir.
But Rachel, I hear some people thinking, you’re saying that despite all this, Adrien is still a Sentimonster. He can still be controlled. The Amok still affects him. Even if the Cat’s Power is effecting him, Eventually, wouldn’t Adrien become more unstable? Wouldn’t he go nuts?
Maybe, if he had the Black Cat and that was it. If all of this was taking place in a vacuum. But it’s not, is it? Because Chat Noir is fighting alongside Ladybug. The Creation to his Destruction. The strategist, the one who pulls him back, who balances him. Whose power fixes what his destroys. Who was there from day one, when he first put on the ring.
Because again, watching the first few seasons, that’s their whole dynamic. Chat is emotionally driven, Ladybug is the thinker, the strategist. When Chat wants to dive forward claws first, Ladybug hauls him back by the tail. Chat wants to confront the threat (the emotion) head on, but Ladybug makes him stop and think. And it even works in reverse! When Ladybug is overthinking, when she’s stuck in her head, Chat is there to pull her out of it - to destroy her doubts and get her to think clearly. The balance each other, change each other, and for Adrien in particular, the effect is more than just strategic thinking. It’s helping him grow past his programmed purpose.
It isn’t obvious, not at first, but Adrien becomes more thoughtful, less emotionally driven. He learns. He grows. He changes. Each Cataclysm and Miraculous Ladybug help it along, make it brighter, stronger. Adrien thinks. He plans. He finds loopholes. Hell, give me tha tiny shit! He slouches more. His hair isn’t as perfect. He gets freckles because he’s in the sun more. He stutters. He lies. He acts exactly like a sheltered rich kid breaking out for freedom, not an automaton meant to be perfect.
Make it gradual. Make it subtle. Give me Gabriel not noticing at first. Give me Nathalie not even thinking about it. Give me arguments with Chloe, because “You never used to act like this, Adri-kins!”. Give me flashbacks. Show Adrien as a strict rule follower. As a kid who wouldn’t dare think about sneaking out. Show how he’s changed, and in some cases more tellingly, how he hasn’t. Give me tiny, quiet moments where Gabe is reflecting on this. Give me the realization that Adrien is changing. He isn’t acting like a Sentimonster anymore. He’s acting like a person.
Give me the day he tries to command Adrien with the Amok … and Adrien refuses. Adrien says “No”. It isn’t easy. It’s the hardest thing Adrien has ever done. But he does it. He plants his feet, squares his shoulders, and defies the thing he was made to do. He makes his choice, his own choice, asserts himself as his own being. He is real. He is alive. He is a person.
Give me the Amok Fucking Shattering because the Sentimonster it was made to control is gone. Adrien Agreste is real, and nothing will control him anymore.
DO YOU UNDERSTAND WHERE I THOUGHT THEY WERE GOING WITH THIS!?!?
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YEAH NO THAT WOULD’VE BEEN FANTASTIC ACTUALLY
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"I'm not choosing. I'm just not eating" - Pete and the concept of choice
Oh Pete.
You wonderful being, you.
(Can you tell that I'm lost for words already? Great)
I cannot stress enough what this line has done to my brain. I keep thinking about it to this day. I'm sure there are posts here that have delved on it in a more coherent way than what I'm about to do but I would like to offer sth to the fandom besides a small number of fics that will fade into obscurity, so here we are.
(If anyone knows of posts that have touched this subject, pls share them, I'd love to read them)
This line, at first glance, seems contradictory. What do you mean you're not choosing Pete? Not eating is a choice you've made. Surely, you must see that.
The thing is, though, Pete doesn't see that as a choice. To Pete, there's the choice of submitting to Vegas and the choice of fighting him. Doing nothing, to Pete isn't considered a choice. He's inactive, passive, simply existing.
Kind of like how he is as a bodyguard in the main family.
As a bodyguard, Pete doesn't make choices. Other people make them for him and he follows them. The first actual choice he makes is going to the minor family's compound to get the evidence against Vegas (which is fantastic and deserves its own separate analysis but I digress). Otherwise, he's just a weapon for the main family to use, nothing more, nothing less.
You can tell that this is his philosophy in life by examining his behaviour throughout the show up to this point. Does he have opinions and expresses them? Oh hell yes. Does he still do whatever he's told with minimal arguing? Also yes.
I would dare say, in headcanon fashion, that this is his mindset from when he was young and defenseless against his father's violence. I'm fairly confident in my opinion that Pete never fought back against his father, kind of like what Vegas is doing with his but not exactly the same. I believe Pete never even spoke back at him, like Vegas does both in ep 11, when he tells Gun he's doing what he told him, and in ep 13, when he tells Gun he never wanted to be his son.
For this reason, I'm a bit skeptical with the headcanon of Pete killing his father. I think it goes against the basic principles of his character; he's submissive in nature and doesn't fight back and just accepts the violence inflicted on him. Maybe, in Pete's mind, he feels that he deserves it. It would certainly explain his self sacrificial tendencies throughout the series, that's for sure.
Now, back to the scene in question, in Pete's mind, a choice would be to eat the food or to throw it away, wasting it. Not touching the food, letting it go bad, isn't a choice. Vegas doesn't see it that way because of course he doesn't; to Vegas, Pete is retaliating, acting defiant again but Pete isn't doing that. He's simply doing...nothing.
Generally, the first time I saw this line, it reminded me of ATLA, specifically this exchange:
Whoever has watched the show probably remembers that episode, in which Aang learned the third option of earth bending. That is, doing nothing = waiting.
That's what Pete did. He did nothing, he waited, either to slowly die or to find a chance to escape.
I feel like I'm not explaining myself properly but I just love how Pete's mind works and I wanted to touch upon this line specifically. It's such a nuanced take on agency and whoever came up with this line deserves all the projects they can get.
#Pete is a goddamn philosopher#Every fucking line that came out of his mouth was 10/10#Not a word wasted#He's so incredibly written#I'm in awe#I'm really not doing the scene justice#But I hope people more articulate than me can take this chance and analyze this scene better than me#That's the beauty of fandom in general#Sharing ideas and headcanons with each other#Broadening our perspectives etc etc#I love Pete so much it's become an obsession#Looking at my name and blog probably gave that away though#kinnporche the series#pete phongsakorn#pete saengtham#vegaspete#vegas theerapanyakul#kinnporsche meta
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Rin.... Rin, I crave violence
I saw these and your girl got the most heinous thoughts bouncing around in the head.
SO
Cabin, Snow, There's Only One Bed, Accidental Confession, & Sex. Are you following?
I hope so.
~~~
Picture it: You, Channie, and Co. have decided to stay at a cabin in the woods for a couple of days in winter (see Channie's outfit up above) and as everyone else goes off to have fun in the snow, (I've grown to dislike the snow after having multiple snow days back to back bc I don't get snow often; Ms. Pink was nawt having it) you two decide to hang back
So you two kinda just shrug it off and try to stay preoccupied while by yourselves
And maybe that involves a game or two here and there, music stuff, cooking and things don't get heated until you two make a bet that you, just so happen to, win.
That bet? The other has to do whatever the other says until the others get back.
And you can't help but notice how eager he is to follow your directions and orders; or how he starts to act cuter around you and pouty when feeling a skosh playful.
So maybe you ask for a kiss to gauge his reaction; ofc Channie is malfunctioning so you're all like "jk jk im totally not-" then BOOM! A big ole smooch is what you get.
And then, he's like "omg oh god im so sorry" then you kiss him and he can't help but moan at it (perv Channie?... oh that's something i will be back abt, mark that down)
N e ways, let's talk abt sex now
Chan and his babyboy-isms seem to just increase tenfold; pouty, whiney, all flushed, wanting physical contact, oral fixation all on 10.
And, him being a service top, he is so hellbent on pleasing you. But he's also been dealing with this huge crush on you, so when he finally enters you, he swears he's entering the 5th dimension.
But also instantly blurts out that he has feelings for you... whoops. Can't help it, unfortunately; another victim of being brain mush as soon as he gets off :(
Give him a kiss on his lips and nose and tell him how you feel and help guide him; poor pup is just too into his subspace to even form coherent sentences anymore and probably too preoccupied with sucking on your fingers or chest 🤷♀️
Now, afterglow and post-orgasm clarity is such a real thing (it's happened once to me but i had the munchies like fucking crazy so it didn't last lmao) so Channie is embarrassed when he realized that he involuntarily confessed like that.
~~~
Sorry for the word vomit; currently half past 11pm and I've been sipping on black tea all-day so... :) 3rd eye is just working over time.
Also, I called a specific Hyunjin look back in 2021, so Pink is just Clairvoyant when it comes to Hyunjin specifically (it's bc we're both Pisces)
the fact that these pics led to this stroke of genius from you…put channie in a sweater n suspenders more often bc i’m actually gonna lose my mind over how much i love this 😵💫 him pining after you…simultaneously so shy but so eager…the desperate need to please you…the way he goes dumb the moment he’s inside you…blurting out his confession…it has all the elements of a perfect channie concept
HAHA yes let’s settle for the romantic atmosphere inside the cabin away from the snow…maybe even w a warm fire crackling to really set the mood ♡ channie being his sweet good-natured lil self and listening to everything you say without question…the thought of him getting playful at some point and pretending to disobey you w a cheeky dimpled grin…pure devastation. he’d look so adorably proud of himself it’s almost enough to let it slide, but you don’t even get the chance before he takes it back w a giggle and follows your order anyway 🥰
his heart-shaped lips look extra red and kissable bc of the cold who could resist <3 and god the way he’d just lean completely into that sweet, unbashedly needy side of himself once he sees how much you like it…the epitome of baby boy w the way he clings to you and nuzzles into your chest and starts to whine if he can’t feel your touch for even a moment. and nothing on earth makes me crazier than the idea of channie’s mind going blank the moment he feels you around him…suddenly he’s lost and clueless and needs you to direct him to do every little thing so he can satisfy you properly ❤️🔥 he may not be able to think for himself but he still carries out all your orders like a good boy! and ofc when his emotions are running so high and his head is so scrambled from the pleasure, he can’t help but babble on abt how much he loves you in a way that’ll have him absolutely mortified when that giddy haze finally wears off~
no need to apologize as u can see this resonated w me very much hehe ^_^ you and hyune really have some kind of piscean psychic link that no one else can comprehend i’ll look forward to what you predict next 😼
#‘anyways let’s talk abt sex now’ took me OUT 😭#this couldnt have come at a better time too bc the sleepy voice msgs channie has been sending on bbl…#speaking so cutely and giggling and making lil noises and getting shy and talking in third person…he’s such a baby#esp how he said ‘if u have nothing else to do please put channie to sleep’ ㅠㅠ#ask#pink#long post#💌 channie
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Nah, i think what you said in your lore opinion makes a lot of sense, actually, and as your token mutual who is (unfortunately, here) very fond of terzo and meliora, i think, from a 'what is ghost to someone just getting into it' perspective its probably the most coherent way to approach it!
(My migraine addled brain last night suggested it's like. Vampires before and after Dracula. Prequelle and Impera are putting a definite and more specific thing together. The earlier albums and papas play with a premise, and it's not that there's *not* stories there, but. If you're writing a dracula story you don't really have to integrate other earlier, potentially contradictory, vampire concepts unless you want to, because we've got a single, specific iteration we're working with now. The previous papas and how they interact with copia's lore are functionally, as you say, more like fun AUs than equal canon)
yeah i think this is a really good way of looking at it! the previous papas are essential to how the concept evolved, but they're just not part of it anymore, they were a separate thing, and that time is pretty much over. sorry in advance for how long this is, this ask just made me start thinking about it again and i think it's an extremely interesting topic.
it's sort of wild, because i guess they figured that in order to keep people invested, copia had to be part of the "same" universe, and there had to be background characters carrying over across eras to bridge the gap, but the longer it goes on, the more it becomes obvious that the story probably would've benefited a lot from doing something like, "hey, the three previous guys were all from, say, the swedish location of the ghost ministry, but now we're going to talk about all-new characters from the los angeles location and it's a separate thing." but the decision to keep imperator and nihil as characters who have always been orchestrating things across eras (thus retconning a lot of stuff in the process) means we have these very ambiguous connections that weigh down the narrative.
even nihil's whole existence is contradictory. they present him as if he's been "papa" forever, we also have the "there can only be one papa" rule copia throws out during the ascension show, so then we're left with...what, nihil was papa before, then his kids were papa, then he went back to being papa? if the title is that easy to toss back and forth, it doesn't really mean anything. but if we view nihil-imperator-copia as their own universe, with nihil holding onto that title forever because there just isn't anybody else who's good enough for it, his whole deal makes a lot more sense.
the previous three are killed off SO unceremoniously, and because they are literally never brought up again, it just feels like (again, understandably) the writing at the beginning of the prequelle era was pretending there's a connection to the past eras that wasn't really there, to convince people to stay invested in what was essentially a brand-new thing. but now that it's worked and people are invested in copia, there aren't any more call-backs to previous eras, because they don't need them. but that weird "is it the same thing or isn't it" connection is still there because they relied on it in the beginning of the prequelle era.
it's the kind of thing that would drive me absolutely crazy if i was responsible for figuring out how to tell a coherent story, but thankfully that's not on me so i can just watch.
i think ghost is probably a very, very difficult thing to write for because of all this, which is part of why i'm so interested to see what the ghovie ends up doing. i think it could be a really cool opportunity to retcon the parts that don't make sense and try to edit all the weird, ambiguous loose ends together into a good, internally consistent story. they'd have to be willing to risk going "hey, these things aren't connected at all, sorry," more openly than they have before (even though that's basically the reality, with the current era not acknowledging the previous guys at all), but i think it would be worth the risk in terms of turning out a story that can stand on its own as a logically sound thing.
#ask#singinrevelry#i mean. it was already a pretty big risk to kill off the previous three. so i don't think tf is particularly Risk-Averse in that sense.#it's an absolute mess of a thing as-is and that's certainly fun.#but i do genuinely believe it has the potential to become coherent. and that's what makes me insane.
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16 and 46 for the ask challenge! For 46 I'm curious about your style both narratively and in voice (yours is so unique and I'm obsessed with it) and maybe how you went about developing it (if you even can answer that idk).
16. How many fic ideas are you nurturing right now? Share one of them?
LOL technically i have so many because none of them are really abandoned but off the top of my head the ones that i consistently think about… vampire stede, lesbian car guy ed, regency marriage of convenience and mutual pining, and fight club not Fight Club. the regency marriage of convenience one is the one im most craving to finish because i havent seen anyone else write marriage of convenience/arranged marriage in a way that really hits the spot but basically my concept is Stede and Ed meet and become friends as teenagers and as they get older Stedes parents are pressuring him to marry someone with a title to give their family legitimacy (which Ed has) and Eds parents are pressuring him to marry anyone at all (he is trans and they are worried no one will want him because hes not “a proper young lady”) and Ed knows Stede would never expect him to be anything but Ed, so he asks him to marry him so he can just live his life and Stede of course says yes. Thus ensues years of mutual pining (and Ed of course living his best life and getting to Ye Old Transition in peace). im regular about this idea and gender and intimacy (lying)
46. How would you describe your style? (Character/emotion/action-driven, etc)
omg thank you for being so so kind this means a lot to me it feels good to know i offer something unique. i would say it’s very emotion driven but primarily because i get so incredibly anchored in the character whose POV im writing from. like i am an emotional person myself so when i get down to writing something im living in my characters head and feeling all their feelings so i can put them on the page. most of my plotting is driven by how its going to make the character feel.
and my voice is most often a variation on an Ed Teach ADHD special, though sometimes its the Stede Bonnet Autism Express, but as i mentioned in an earlier ask the thing that unites them most often is a sense of rhythm. And the main way that i developed this was just listening to so so so much music while im reading and writing and also reading a lot and basically absorbing a lot of language, most especially lyrics, and then actually being auDHD myself. so like a combination of the way i am a rabbity erratic thinker naturally and having absorbed so much musicality and lyricism and rhythm into my brain while associating it with “regular” written prose ive just tried to imbue as much of that as possible into my writing. and then the other thing is like. i get bored easily myself so like. i really dont want to get bored writing and i really dont want my readers to get bored either. so every time i write something new i want it to feel new in general and new for me and i want it to have as much motion and dynamism as possible. well i talked longer than i meant to but i hope this is coherent. thank you again for the ask and for being so kind 💖
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hello! I have finished re-reading Scrimshaw from the beginning. here are my thoughts! some of it is probably not very coherent. sorry about that. im not gonna edit it or anything this all just came from my brain as i was reading. also all of the questions are rhetorical. DO NOT feel like you have to answer them. this is just a stream of consciousness. im sure all will be revealed in later chapters anyway!!
Chapter 1
"You don’t work like that anymore." - voice of the dragon? Will absorbed his dragon due to trauma, if I'm understanding correctly. So the dragon still has a separate consciousness and set of memories? Or Will's soul has been replaced with the dragon's? Dragons' eyes can adjust to darkness! That's cool.
"your creations" - the moon created dragons. All of them? Or just some?
Winston had a collar at some point. Who put the collar on him? If the scales are chipped and scratched then the collar was most likely made of metal. Chains maybe? How did he come into Will's possession?
The dragonets are dragons who absorbed their humans. Can they remember their human selves? Do they still have their human intelligence? It would seem not.
The dragon is Hannibal, right? The stag antlers would seem to suggest as much. But he can't talk in dragon form and seemingly can't remember being a dragon when he is back in human form.
"He felt a flicking sensation by his ear, yelped, and clapped his hand to it." - this feels important. Can't put my finger on what it is yet. I'm guessing that wasn't Winston or Hannidragon? Abigail's dragon maybe? Since it is small. Idk man. More data needed.
Will talking to himself - seemingly two consciousnesses? Is this his human soul and dragon soul talking or just talking to himself? Could be either I suppose.
Chapter 4
How small actually IS Ellie? Are we talking chihuahua size or actual anemone size or what?
OMG I JUST REALISED WILL WANTED TO SEE AN INSECT DRAGON AND ABIGAILS IS A BUTTERFLY THATS SO CUTE
"He quietly mourned the pages of his notebook that he’d have to make edits to." - Will has never encountered anyone without a dragon before, huh. But. He doesnt have a dragon. Right? So why would he assume that No One Else has the same thing. Unless. ???? Will didnt HAVE a dragon and absorbed it, he IS a dragon. Wait wait wait he is a dragon for a Thing??? Like the moon??? And is in human form???? What's Will's Thing??? Is it fish. Its fish isnt it. /hj
Ok but if Will IS a dragon, like Luna, then why does he not know that people not having dragons is a thing. Because Luna knew, right? And she said it like it was a thing that happens reasonably frequently. Unless im misremembering.
Chapter 6
"He saw a man smile in his rearview mirror a couple of times, and impressed himself with how ready he was to accept that the image was himself." - more evidence that Will is a Thing Dragon. I'm on this train now choo choo motherfucker im onto you
“He’s a dragon too,” - hmmmmmmmm. And Will immediately says "What happened to him?" SO HE DOES KNOW. THAT PEOPLE CAN ABSORB DRAGONS. SO WHAT WAS HE GONNA CHANGE IN THE NOTEBOOK. IM SO CONFUSED. AM I MISSING SOMETHING im being stupid arent i. Probably
Chapter 10
Dragon in the woods. Does this dragon belong to someone or is this a Thing dragon? Mischa's dragon?
She's yelling at the ground. Is the ground sentient? Is there an Earth Dragon? Probably.
Shimmerscales says trans rights
So. Mischa had a male dragon. That Hannibal absorbed? And he was a girl at the time so now he's trans. Ok. So the dragon soul replaces the human soul when you absorb it? Or they combine? God what are the fucking mechanics of this im so. I can get it i think i just need to process lmao
So humans also count as Things. A dragon forms for every human born. So, is there a dragon for every single tree, or for the concept of trees as a whole? That's uh. That's a lot of dragons. Do you know how many beetles there are? If there's a dragon for every single beetle. Im overthinking again arent i
The knowledge that you have Read and Comprehended Scrimshaw is actually insane to me. You are absolutely wonderful. I hope to return the favour someday but I need to survive GCSEs first *sobbing emojis
Uh uh!!!! I'll answer the questions that I don't think I'll get around to answering naturally any time soon!! I'm giggling and kicking my feet so much rn you actually have no idea omg
-Winston's collar was there for the same reason dog Winston's was -- he was forgotten about and broke away. Technically this WILL be explained soon but I also think you deserve to know now seeing as you DID draw him (I treasure that drawing so much...)
-The flicking is the moon! I didn't explain that very well lmfao -- it happens after he badmouths her but I did NOT elaborate enough. However, the fact that she CAN flick him without being physically present is important... greeheehee
-Ellie's like... slightly smaller than a chihuahua. I did a little diagram a while back that I'll put in a reblog when I have my phone lmfao
-Abigail being an insect was completely unintentional 💀I wish I was smart enough to think of that intentionally LMFAOO (I KNEW there was a reason why I picked it. I didn't even realise)
-Part of Will's notebook is actually the next chapter (is that a spoiler?) so all you have to know for him will be revealed kuahahahah. You are NOT stupid for not knowing because I didn't really elaborate, like. At all. So there's genuinely no way you could have knew LMAO (thank goodness for second, third, fifteenth drafts)
-Luna was being silly when she explained how Hannibal's absorption worked so he's going to be figuring out the actual story himself. Basically, take everything she said with a pinch of salt -- like Hannibal is actually
-(Also yes. Defo an Earth-dragon. I mean... there's a moon-dragon! But idk if she was thinking of that or if she just wanted to yell at something lolll)
-THERE IS A DRAGON FOR EVERY SINGLE BEETLE!!! The finer point is:
-Every species is a Thing
-Every individual in that species is a Thing
So, there's a tree-dragon... and there's also a dragon for every tree. Thing is, dragons change in size based on the Thing's thoughts, so since rocks and things like that don't think at all, their dragons are really small. They do hold little dragon teaparties together though.
Also, OTHER people's thoughts can increase the size of a dragon, too! Hence why the moon was a stupid rock, but eons of worship turned her into a big, powerful, shapeshifting dragon.
Everybody in the fic gives you kisses as thanks
#SZASKS#Mike 🥺#I figured out how to do emojis on computer kuahahah#I am unstoppable#SCRIMSHAW#Scrimshaw tag because YES?
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Have I obligated myself to have a ‘take’ on Witch From Mercury? I mean, I’ve posted pieces concerning every main Gundam anime thing I’ve watched except Cucuruz Doan's Island (because I have nothing to *say* about Cucuruz Doan's Island except that hearing Lucian Dodge voice Amuro is a *trip* for an Iron-Blooded Oprhans’ fan, let me tell you). In my own head at least, this creates the completionist urge to note something down now G-Witch is over. And hey, I believe in exorcising nagging thoughts so why not? Spoilers and unfavourable opinions ahead. In fact, I’m going to use a cut because this show seems popular around here and I’m not monster enough to rain on anyone’s parade about it.
It’d be nice to say, ‘basically fine for what it is but not my thing’. The problem is, I’m not sure I can say that, having found it so unbearably messy to watch. It could be my peculiar brain wiring that makes it frustrating to have a story constantly introduce stuff that neither goes anywhere nor coheres especially well with itself if you stop and think about it for five minutes. But it does feel like this would have been vastly improved by cutting something -- anything -- to make some room for thrust of the main plot.
I have a specific beef with the lack of characterisation for A(Eri)al. We are *told* how much Suletta cares for her and how crucial that relationship is through the first season, and of course it’s vital to the struggles and resolution of season two. But it’s hard to point to an example prior to Suletta’s little vision-quest-slash-being-dumped escapade where they interact in a meaningful fashion. It seems extremely one-sided and I’m not sure how intentional that is. This loops around to a complaint about sloppy world-building (a school is the perfect setting to introduce concepts to be later expanded or subverted and the show resolutely Does Not Do That), but is a more significant matter since we’re talking about emotional beats. You know, the things that actually drive a story along.
And look, anything that gets me saying ‘show don’t tell’ has already stretched my patience thin. But it would have been so simple to have included more moments of Suletta pouring her heart out to her Gundam -- with the interface responding in some inscrutable fashion -- I find it genuinely baffling that didn’t happen in place of, I dunno, the Jeturk family drama.
Oh, speaking of which, second beef: if you are placed in the situation where you need to displace a bunch of ‘traditional Gundam story beats’ on to a pseudo-rival/protagonist character, maybe consider . . . just not hitting those beats? (I know, this is a long-running franchise, this is how it goes, executive meddling etc. That doesn’t make it less irritating to have it all culminate in an out-of-nowhere fencing match in reference to a 40-year-old fight scene when the objectively correct way of resolving a plot about arbitrary and unfair systems of rules is with rock-paper-scissors.)
It’s a shame there’s the germ of a neat idea in that concept of displacement, because Guel feels like the part that could have been most easily jettisoned to create space. The Elans have emotional heft as an explicit parallel to Suletta, Elan-5′s relationship with Norea being a vital example of the ‘love me, flaws and all’ refrain at the heart of the story. But Lauda and Guel having a barney in the middle of finale feels egregious and like it only exists to get an extra Gundam into play (an entirely arbitrary requirement). Though I suppose the fact I barely remembered to mention Shaddiq here also speaks to something else that didn’t really resonate or seem to go anywhere in particular.
Here is where you can fill in for yourself the long list of complaints about the show raising issues it doesn’t care about doing justice to. War-profiteering, the traumatising effects of violence, possibilities of future medical technology, corporate influence on geopolitics, social inequality, refugee crises, yadda yadda yadda. G-Witch doesn’t have anything to say about any of these things. It’s a family drama and that really is fine, if that’s the story it wants to tell. It’s about the doings of the privileged (those literally raised on high) and their tribulations are the focus over and above harm to anyone else. It is what it is. I could whine for days about this stuff, but it’s no worse than you’d find in many pieces of comparable media. Cherish the exceptions.
To say something nice, lest you think all I have are complaints, this show is beautifully animated throughout (I did find the action inside the data-storm hard to follow, owing to the lighting choices, but I think that’s a me thing) and very well directed. The mecha designs are solid, even if we were robbed of more touches like the rocket broomstick. For all my above grouching, Felsi coming out of nowhere with a fire-extinguisher was a fantastic, knowing way to halt Guel and Lauda’s fratricide arc. And I need to stress, the central story about Suleta, Miorine, Eri, Prospera and Delling really is fine. Not my thing and I’m way past the demographic, but on its own terms, it’s fine.
It’s just stuck in the middle of a distracting mess of half-baked concepts, meaningless call-backs and a cast suitable for an anime twice as long. It’s tempting to pin everything on that last part, to hypothesise this was going to be or should have been 50 episodes, not 24. I’m inclined to take the opposite track. I think there is a perfectly functional 24-episode story here that got stuffed with far too many moving parts for its own good.
Right, done. Where does that leave the final ‘in my opinion’ ranking? Starting from the bottom (by the way, I’m now at the ‘I flatly refuse to watch Victory Gundam’ stage so just write that one off entirely):
Mobile Suit Gundam AGE (2011) [The one I actively hate]
Mobile Suit Gundam F91 (1991) [Dull]
Mobile Suit Gundam 0083: Stardust Memory (1991) [Slightly less dull]
Mobile Suit Gundam SEED (2002) [Uninteresting]
Mobile Suit Gundam: Char’s Counterattack (1988) [Mean-spirited]
Mobile Suit Gundam: Hathaway (2021) [I intensely dislike the fight scenes]
Mobile Suit Gundam: Cucuruz Doan's Island (2022) [I honestly forgot to add this]
Mobile Suit Gundam (compilation movies; 1979) [Deserves smarter call-backs]
Mobile Suit Gundam 0080: War in the Pocket (1989) [Good for what it is]
Mobile Suit Gundam Thunderbolt (2015) [Also good for what it is]
Mobile Suit Gundam SEED: Destiny (2004) [Frustrating]
Mobile Suit Gundam 00/Mobile Suit Gundam 00 the Movie: A Wakening of the Trailblazer (2007/2010) [Bonkers, politically aggravating]
Mobile Suit Zeta Gundam (1985) [Interesting]
Mobile Suit Gundam: Unicorn (2010) [Well-made]
Mobile Suit Gundam ZZ (1986) [Fun but janky]
Mobile Suit Gundam the Witch from Mercury (2022) [See above]
Mobile Fighter G Gundam (1994) [Delightfully committed to the bit]
Mobile Suit Gundam Wing/Gundam Wing: Endless Waltz (1995/1997) [big for a reason]
Mobile Suit Gundam: Twilight AXIS (2017) [Nicely done]
Mobile Suit Gundam: The Origin (2015) [Best-case scenario for fannishness]
Mobile Suit Gundam Narrative (2018) [Surprisingly enjoyable]
Mobile Suit Gundam: The 08th MS Team (1996) [Bags of fun]
Gundam Reconguista in G (2014) [Pretty popcorn]
After War Gundam X (1996) [Genuinely a lot cleverer than it looks]
Turn A Gundam (1999) [Deliriously smart]
B
I
G
G
A
P
Mobile Suit Gundam: Iron-Blooded Orphans (2015) [Actively excellent]
#gundam witch from mercury#the witch from mercury#G-witch#GUNDAM#ranking for no reason#spoilers#I'd say#now let us never speak of this again#but#you know#gestures at the Gundam tag
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A jump back to the past: Re-visiting Dramatical Murder (Review)
This took way too long to write but anyways —
10 years ago (yes, I’m old) I started playing BL games (Yes, I was already legal of age) with my first being Togainu no chi and dmmd shortly after, so as a small “anniversary” I thought I re-visit both games and see how they stood the course of time.
To have no influence on any translation, I played it completely in Japanese and it did affect my opinion.
Just a warning, I’m going to be harsh here, so if you can’t stand me judging your favourite game better not read it, of course not all is going to be negative.
Story
If you ask me what the story of this game is, I would just shrug. “Clown antagonist doing clown things but in most routes it doesn’t even matter”? The story is not really exciting most of the time MC is busy running through the LI routes as far as possible. The game wastes no time getting right to the problem of the route, leaving no time for you to really get to know the characters and develop a bond to them, which leads to you not caring about whatever happens with them. There are more than enough plot-holes, which you have no choice but to accept. Romance is forced and doesn’t feel proper developed, like they had run out of time and decided to end it, leading to my next point: the individual routes are way too short, playing them feels like you’re just checking off things that needed to be included in the story rather than playing a coherent route.
There is no sense of time in this game (especially in the routes), the characters are busy sleeping more than anything, the days feel like they’re only last 2h, you don’t see them do normal things (like eating, showering) often. Also, I hate how they made this cool concept of Rhyme and then just never used it for something more? What was even the point then???
Characters
Aoba
I have conflicted feeling for Aoba, I felt bad for him in some routes. He didn’t do anything wrong, but he was the one who had to apologize for his partner doing shit? But most of the time I didn’t really like him, for once his Tsundere-ness was getting on my nerves, the LI shows him his feeling and this man goes “agdhdhs” and starts blushing, telling his partner he is baka/childish whatever. Him going from “Man don’t kiss each other” to “I love to kiss man” made no sense, I don’t even get why he is running after 80% of the Love interest in the game, half of them treated him like shit and the other half was served to his feet and he just accepted it with no development at all.
Another part I really dislike is how unbelievable stupid he can be, the story would move so much faster if he actually used his brain for once and not spend 70% of the day sleeping. Despite being old enough he acts like a child, especially with Noiz, I don’t know if this was supposed to be “cute” but it sure enough wasn’t for me.
He is just the very stereotypical BL Tsundere MC who is not especially smart but for some reason is super strong (even if he was too much of an idiot to actually use his powers).
Mink
I played Mink’s route first because it the one I remembered almost nothing from. And first I would like to say that I do like routes/ending that go away from the traditional “get to know fall in love” elements in bl routes. And I did like that, but what I didn’t like is the stupid force rape in the middle which is another case of “more forced H-scenes to get them to a certain number”. Yeah, yeah I get it he tried to pull out the other Aoba but it felt just unnecessary.
Despite that I though the ending part of the route was rather interesting showing in a way that Mink cared his teammates and Aoba enough to not get him involved in his revenge part. Sadly, the whole route cuts off before any further explanation from Mink or the full reunion with Aoba is shown, which lets most player being angry at Mink than anything else. And there is no happy end H-scene which kinda sucks because all you get is rape and sex forced by drugs. It's fine if they wanted to write a different kind of story but either pull through with the no romance plot or continue it, don’t just let you player stuck in the middle.
I’m going to jump to Re: connect too because I feel like you can’t talk about Mink’s route without mentioning it.
Aside from the fact that it makes no sense for Aoba to follow a person who hurt him (but we just pretend Aoba is just that kind of a good person, and hey what makes sense in this game anyways) In my personally opinion (before anyone gets the pitchforks ready) I thought they work best as a couple and this is the route, in which Aoba experiences the most grow.
Let me explain, rather than forever living his boring life on the island he actually goes out to see the world and lives in a completely new country, takes on responsibilities and gets to know and (respect) another culture. Not only that but he also drops his Tsundere act, starts to be more demanding of his desires, and gains more confidence. He doesn’t give up even if he is rejected and shows his feelings more open without becoming a blushy mess, and I really appreciated that. In addition, we get so see a complete new (or rather the actual) side of Mink who is a very calm and soft person and normally wouldn’t lay a hand on anyone.
And before I go on a ramble on how much I love their Drama CD I stop here.
Clear
Clear was always my favourite character back in the old days, but his route was never my favourite and now after replaying I know why. The reason is his route sucks, let me explain there is a severe lack of romantic development, from the start on we see Aoba being really rude to Clear, even using violence on him, even though Clear was just trying to be nice, it’s obvious he doesn’t understand certain things, but no-brain Aoba doesn’t seem to get it.
Going from that to him suddenly being in love in like 3 days just doesn’t make any sense, did just a little singing and Clear talking about the meaning of life the trick? or maybe it was his face? Who knows.
And now I will get all the pitchforks turned at me again, but I have to say it: Clear being attracted to Aoba, yes even in the “like” way, felt forced because of the whole “him being his Master thing”. It felt like Clear only like him and was attracted to him because of his voice and not to Aoba as an individual person.
What also really annoyed me was that nothing basically happened, the days were over before they even started. They arrived in platinum jail, went to sleep, woke up, conflict, day over back to bed, repeat. The dying sex scenes was ridiculous too, another case of “I have no idea where to put the sex-scene so let’s make it drama and let them have sex while Clear is basically dying.
I have one positive thing to say, I liked how clear dropped speaking polite when he was talking to Toue and the alphas, it really showed how he disrespected them.
Noiz
From all routes I feel like Noiz got the “best” romance development. (or rather the only with any at all). Even though the plot is rushed as always and immediately tries to show you what’s Noiz life problems are, it didn’t feel out of nowhere and thrown together like the other route, even though the whole thing takes place in like what 3 days?
Personally, it annoyed me how Aoba tried to act as if he is so much older and wiser than Noiz, despite being more immature. How did he even “fix” Noiz? It didn’t look like his problems were only mental related but I guess Aoba’s power is so great it can fix everything, sugoi sugoi ugh.
What I liked about the route is how Noiz slowly (as slow as it gets in 3 days) grew to like and be worried about Aoba, at least if felt like a little romance development compared to the rest that had none. If ask what my favourite part of the route is, I would say when they had the Rhyme rematch at the end of his route and Noiz lost on purpose because he didn’t want Aoba to get hurt, that was really sweet of him and showed how much he cared— before they went and ruined Noiz by making him and asshole who suddenly wanted to show dominance in Re: connect, but that a story for another day.
KoujakuClownjaku
God I can’t stand this man, what a rude asshole, womanizer big ewww and yikes. I don’t get why he needed to be so fucking rude to every one of them, if not Aoba he treats everyone like shit expect his women, talking in a very rude way even though no one did anything to him or Aoba.
This man even got me to feel bad for Aoba, poor Aoba was constantly ditched and Clownjaku didn’t even bother to explain, I don’t care how much he didn’t want Aoba to be involved, he already was, so why did he had to ignore him and treating him like a child who can’t protect himself. They barely set a foot in platinum jail and he already was running, poor Aoba he deserves better, and HE WAS THE ONE WHO HAD TO APOLOGISE FOR KOUJAKU RUNNING OFF I'M—Don’t even get me started how stupid his plot with his “evil tattoo” is, not excuse enough to almost rape Aoba, he doesn’t get enough hate for that in my opinion. “Tattoo” my ass it was obvious he knew what he was doing. -_-
Their romance development was non-exiting and it basically went to hey we’re friend lets be boyfriend, worst writing, fuck him, he deserves all the hate.
Ren
Plotwise the best route. While in other route the whole “Toue wants to control people” felt more like a clown-show than serious threat, here it actually felt like they really were in some kind of danger. Well, I expect at least something from a true route. The pacing was pretty alright (maybe because we didn’t spend most of the time taking care of the problems of the LI) Aoba’s past reveal was kinda just thrown at you. But overall, from the plot I would say this was the best written as far as it goes because this whole game is full of plot holes that just don’t make any sense or are not explained and you just have to accept it as it is.
Romance-wise though, oh boy the whole Ren is a part of myself thing (and later in his twin brother’s body) was just weird to me, as well as playing the H-scenes. I don’t get why Aoba suddenly had all the hots for Ren but ok I guess? Still better than Koujaku HAHAHAH
Artwork
I always wanted to say it, I hate the character designs in this game, especially with Aoba himself, from all colours to choose from they gave him the worst blue for his hair, the worst hair style (a mullet really?) and the worst clothes and decided THE CLOTHES NEED TO BE THE SAME UGLY BLUE ugggghhh. Every time he was on screen, I just wanted to stab my eyes out, the shoes THE SOES the ugly yellow socks WHYY (╯°□°)╯( ┻━┻
Everyone else doesn’t look better, Noiz looks like you let a 14-year-old choose his own clothes, Koujaku looks like he clicked the random button in a thrift store and clear looks like he wore random clothes, he found in his grandpa’s closet (which is fair I guess).
The rest of the game looks to flashy for my liking and the colouring is very simple, which I didn’t like but it’s all up to taste.
Music
I don’t really like the music because I don’t like electro music, but I do like the opening song, which is so bad that it makes it good again. The OST was alright, I guess? Nothing to special, my only complain would be the track used for the H-scenes, sounded just weird.
Conclusion
This game is not good. I don’t understand where the hype comes from, it feels rushed, lacks story and romance development and the characters aren’t especially good. The common route felt more like I was playing a 12+ game than a 18+ BL game, everything feel very goofy and the whole “plot” felt more like they tried make up something so there would be some kind of story.
Yes, this is my way to say this game aged badly, I can only imagine new player, who never played a bl game before would maybe enjoy it (that was me 10 years ago), but if you play it after experiencing actually good games you will be disappointed. Going back to this after so long just showed me how much it’s lacking. A big disappointed and by far the worst written nitrochiral game.
Extra:
From what I remember from the fan-patch the translation was actually pretty well except the obvious part of TL-team hating Mink and making him extra rude—he wasn’t. Koujaku was the rudest character, dropping the most insults. There were parts that weren’t correct but from what I read in Japanese it sounded like what I remembered.
#bl game#boys love game#bl game review#visual novel#boys love#dramatical murder#dmmd#nitrochiral#sorry I was busy with life and could not really play or write anything but I'll try to make more translation soon
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nici (if i may) you're so nice while answering to all my blubbering mess 😭😭😭 you're so sweet really, always looking forward to your answers not just for me!!! this time i want to ask what are your personal favourite scenes to write and what are the most challenging? oh maybe they are the same?? and also what's the most fascinating and challenging in writing for you? sorry if you answered that already!
my personal top scenes are:
1. their first kiss oh my god it gave me HUGE pride and prejudice vibes (that rain scene), it was so intense and heart wrenching 😫
2. the whole chess scene, i already said this. the concept itself is very good, and this battle of masterminds when they try to expose each other 🤌🤌
3. y/n finding him before that surgery all high.... because of its overall vulnerability AND the last scene in the previous chapter when he's doing drugs from her back 😫 because it was SO sexy (and bad as well, but~~~)
looking forward to your answers!!!
yes sure! call me nici :) you're so sweet yourself! <3 i genuinely enjoy responding to your asks, love the chaotic energy!!
so first to the most challenging thing: what i find difficult is making sure the reader is getting everything? like as the writer you are aware of what each character motives are and their feelings and thoughts, but i never can be 100 percent sure it is as clear for the reader as it is for me.
at the same time i'm not a big fan of writing long inner monologue, i rather have much happening in conversation or action. so that is a thin line for me, to make sure everything i want to transpire is conveyed but still don't make it boring. if that makes sense.
also like variety in writing, like scenes, speech and all. guess that's more easy for native english people. i struggle sometimes to make the conversations sound natural.
lastly, consistency in character? so hard to really make sure that the character just doesn't change randomly and is coherent throughout the story while still making progress and growing.
what i really like writing is fighting scenes ahhhh. idk what about it, but i love when two headstrong persons just discuss and fight the hell out of each other omg. love when they yell and accuse and all that ugly things!! <3
also like everything angsty and hurtful. i don't actually enjoy writing fluff that much, or rather i find it often really cheesy and flat? i think angst is more my thing to write.
my favorites scenes are so similar to yours!!
rain-kiss-confession: yes. YES. loved to write this raw confession and him finally giving in. ahhhh, my heart aches just thinking about it. & rain just makes everything better.
chess game: love every scene where they are both like not backing down and clash head on against each other, because they both are stubborn af. also love chess as a way for them to talk truthfully. but also like the whole morning, with him checking on her and confessing how he feels for her and all that fighting ahaha. love wiritng fighting scenes.
bathroom smut: lol, idk but i loved the first bathroom smut they had ahaha. still think it was the best, because the pent-up tension finally broke free!
satoru being high before surgery: yes yes yes, yn finding him before that surgery and him being so hazy but when he finally can focus on her the first thing coming out of his mouth is "you look so beautiful". i'm weak.
him getting brains for her: you remember when satoru got human brains for them to practice?? and him showing her and saying "i'd anything for you"???? i'm weak.
training basketball: i know this was kinda short, but when they practiced basketball for the university sports festival in the beginning and it was still so like innocent and him approaching her to show her how to do it and asking "may i?" before touching her. I'M WEAK.
also every scene he does drugs off of her ahah. WEAK.
also when they play billiard with sukuna and they are so couple like. WEAK
this got kinda long lol. sending you all the love right back! have a lovely day/night ♡
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WIP ASK ME GAME
Thanks @bitbybitwrites for the tag. Like many, I am always down to clown about my WIPs.
I just have so many of them, so I am only going to talk about the ones I am focusing on. RIP to the many others who are in the far away ward in my WIP Hospital.
Under the cut because I ramble:
Partially published WIPs:
February Friday Event 2024 - Radio Silence (Alice Oseman)
Only one chapter is up. This is just a collection of 4 short fics that are set in post-canon of Radio Silence. They're based on the prompts from the February Friday Event. 2 of the 3 remaining chapters are partially written, but not finished. One will be about Carys and her thoughts on Universe City. The other is about friendship, but Carys and Aled are once again reminded by how badly their childhood was for them.
Ljubili se - Glee
MY BABY. This is the sequel to Ljubim te, the fic where Kurt and Blaine meet in Ljubljana. Now they're back in America and long-distance, with Blaine being in LA and Kurt in NY. My main reason for being stuck is admittedly that it's getting too ambitious and I need to figure out how to tell a coherent sequel. It's quite difficult, because Ljubim te was written without a sequel in mind and without much space to do more, but I love this world I made so here I am anyway.
Dancin' on that bamboo ceiling - Glee
A series of standalone fic that explore Asian identity and casual racism in glee. I've been working on and off on it for years and I have published some. But I really want to finish more. Right now I have a story about traditional dress and feeling removed from your heritage in my mind.
The Sarah Jane Adventures Extended Universe (SJAEU) - The Sarah Jane Adventures
Yes, my SJAEU is back on my mind. It's a spin-off of the Sarah Jane Adventures (which is in itself a Doccy Whomst spin-off) and it focuses on Luke after he left Bannerman Road and well, my unofficial title is Luke's Big Gay Oxford Adventures. The thing I posted is an overview of the AU, but I have been cooking up actual fics that are set in this AU since 2017 and they're simmering again.
Not published WIPs:
Just Some Guy - Carry On
Also known as MCD! It's the seven years of Simon and Baz's rivalry (and eventual romance) from the perspective of an outsider who has absolutely nothing to do with it. After all, it must be fucking wild for Watford students to see this wacky enemy to lovers. Matty Chris D. is the blandest person you'll ever meet, which is also why I am stuck. Go Matt, give us nothing.
Untitled TOTK-inspired Snowbaz fic - Carry On
This was marinating in my brain recently. Not sure I will get back to it soon, but hey, it's on my mind! As the "title" suggests, it's a Tears of the Kingdom inspired Snowbaz fic, which takes place after Wayward Son. The gang is back from America to find floating islands in the sky of the World of Mages. 7 years after their return, and 7 years after Simon went missing, Baz decides to find a way to the sky islands in order to find Simon. I don't wanna brag, but this idea slaps and I should get back to it.
Glee x Sense8 crossover idea - Glee and Sense8
I came up with a Glee x Sense8 crossover years ago and this is also back again on my mind. Just like the SJAEU, it's more of a concept with some overall thoughts than an actual coherent fic. It's back in my 2024 vision because, hey, I posted the SJAEU, I could possible post my Glee x Sense8 AU on AO3, because I think it's pretty cool. And yes, it's a crossover, not an inspired by thing. The Glee part is entirely an AU, but the Sense8 part is post-canon where the BPO has reformed, so that the sensates can figure out their shit in peace. And also, Puck from Sense8 will show up at one point. Two Pucks in one fic (because Puck from Glee is one of the sensates).
Anyway I have many more WIPs, like the Zimbits time travel one, or the Glee x Carry On crossover (begone Klaine and Snowbaz, Blaz OTP!) and UGH so many WIPs. If you wanna send me an ask about any of these WIPs, feel free.
Also, I think @bitbybitwrites already spread this in the Glee world, so let me spread it to the Carry On world by tagging @cutestkilla @artsyunderstudy @wellbelesbian @martsonmars @larkral @nightimedreamersworld @blackberrysummerblog @bookish-bogwitch @facewithoutheart
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Hey there, 66! Hope you're doing great. I have been going through your account for the past few hours (this reminds me of that one time I stayed up till 2 am as I appreciated all the artworks on your Instagram) so I know you've heard this several times, but I wanted to say it myself too: your work is wonderful. Believe me, I absolutely love it!
I found City of Blank years ago, during its first season. I read it all, and was quite impressed with the concept, intrigued by the plot, and in love with the characters. But before the next season started, I dropped out of reading Webtoons completely, as far as I remember. Long story short, I revisited Webtoon recently, read a few episodes of City of Blank, and was hooked. Yep. I binge-read the entire rest of the episodes in... three to five days?
So I want to commend you on your amazing concept, beautiful and eye-catching art, plot that keeps me reading late into the night (and at the dining table, between my studies, every single chance I get), the characters (really, they're very well-written — please don't doubt that — and unique, with different stories and personalities, I just love them), and the themes too (incorporated nicely, and it does make me wonder what it means to be a human). The way you write grey characters is one of the best things in your story, I feel.
(I feel like I should give you specific examples of what I like, but I have a tendency of talking too much, as you can see, so this will get way too long, I think... and sorry about the already huge chunks of text. but I hope this make you feel happy somehow)
Alright, now onto my actual questions. They're actually not related to the webcomic itself, since I really can't think of anything interesting... But your story is really good, so here are some queries I have about writing in general.
Do you have any tips for thinking of ideas? About concepts, plot, whatever; how to really get your brain in that mode, you know.
How do you create such vibrant characters? My characters are so similar... there are at least three pairs of nearly-identical characters. And how do you make them flawed yet still so likable?
They are pretty general questions, my apologies. It's just that, you know, since I'm getting to interact with the creator of one of my current favourite stories, why not learn something from them? You can just answer with your personal processes or whatever, I just wished to know how you do it.
I'm really looking forward to the next episode (but take your time, I'm okay with waiting). Pretty sad that this is the last season though. I'll miss it. Could you maybe tell me the estimated date of return and how many more episodes we'll have? Just a rough idea will do too.
That's all. (At this point it'll come as a relief to you 😂) Have a wonderful week ahead, lots of love, and know that there are lots of people who genuinely enjoy your work, you adorable shark! ❤️
(also, don't know why I'm telling you, but this is my first ever interaction on Tumblr with literally anyone) (cool site, I like the easy formatting)
(If you've read this entire thing, thank you. Did I bother you too much? I hope not.)
Hey there! Gonna do my best to answer this since it's been in my inbox for a while, but apologies if it's not the most coherent as my head's still in a bit of a fog from a cold.
First off, thank you for the kind words. I remember they made my day when I first got this ask, but they made it again as I'm waking up w/ a throbbing head ache and coughing my lungs out from the NYCC 2023 Con Crud™.
Anyway, gonna answer your questions the best I can, especially because I'm not entirely sure what the best way to answer these kinds of questions are-
Do you have any tips for thinking of ideas? About concepts, plot, whatever; how to really get your brain in that mode, you know.
I think one thing I like to shape a lot of my concepts around is making something unordinary ordinary. I've talked about it before, but one of the inspirations behind blanks is shadow people, like the ghosts. They're so horrifying and creepy to me, and I thought it would be neat if I made a world where the most creepy and scary thing to me was just...super ordinary and mundane. Like a world where you go into your living room and you're like "Man, that shadow person is still standing in front of my tv. How obnoxious."
A lot of my upcoming ideas kind of focus around this concept too. What if we lived in a world where demons were just every day citizens that went to work and school with us? What if we lived in a world where nobody feared death and was excited for it? What if we lived in a world where half the population was in prison? I can't say every single story idea I have falls into this, but I'd say a lot of them do and I find it's often a kick off point for a lot of my ideas.
How do you create such vibrant characters? My characters are so similar... there are at least three pairs of nearly-identical characters. And how do you make them flawed yet still so likable?
Do I make them likable? Sometimes I can't tell when I look at characters like Lyss haha. Because I think she's a victim of how I write characters, which is just... I dunno, write them like they're real people. Everybody is mad at the decisions Lyss made but... I'm sorry. I'll forever die on the hill that everyone are hypocrites and 90% of people would have done the same thing in her shoes. Only a flawless, benevolent, and frankly kind of stupid, person would have just...let Rex go in those circumstances, evil other half be damned. He was still a danger who proved he couldn't control himself, and the same way you'd probably report your best friend who was driving raving drunk after he just smashed into someone, she reported a dangerous person. Even if people hate her for it, I wrote what any person would have done in that situation. And that's how I try to write all my characters, for better or for worse. A lot of Rex's stupid decisions are dictated by his anxiety and depression, and I know from firsthand experience how being in that state of mind can influence your decisions and overall outlook on life and the people who love you, despite what you may think.
I guess my advice is just to give them human flaws. A lot of people don't like Nia because she's manipulative, but I write her as a character who 100% practices what she preaches. Yeah, she "gas lit" Rex into joining Blan Corp, but she also 1000% believed it was the best thing for him.
Desmond probably comes off as the more "flawless" characters, but his own self-loathing and... catholic blank guilt is a big part of what pushed Rex away. In the time when Rex was questioning and hating himself for being a blank, why would he ever go the one person who hates himself for being a blank more than him? When he could go to the person (Nia) who celebrates him being a blank, and reminds him he can be loved for being one.
Anyway, that's enough rambling for now. Hopefully that gives you some to chew on.
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