#like!!! i dont make it alone out there!!! idk!! and
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(Other than the really weird bit about "Male presenting Doctor") what were your thoughts about the specials?
pretty mixed bag, pretty messy, but good overall. i think they were very obviously a nostalgia trip for people around my age lol and it worked! i loved seeing tennant and tate back onscreen together, their chemistry hasn't aged a bit, and honestly just watching doctor who that wasn't written by chris chibnall was a breath of fresh air. they weren't boring, like seasons 11 and 12 were, and they didn't go too far off the other end into nonsense like flux did. characters want things again! the show can let itself just be silly! i was literally cheering out loud when donna and the doctor were just saying random scifi gobbledegook at each other for like a solid several minutes during the star beast.
the structure of the specials kind of baffles me. i love wild blue yonder--i think it's definitively the best of the specials as a standalone, it's absolutely fantastic, creepy and atmospheric and bringing things around to RTD's strength, which is well-written characters interacting with each other and letting good actors just act. but at the same time i dont understand why it exists? it feels like...idk. imagine if you watched the star wars original trilogy but instead of the empire strikes back the middle film was just a feature length film about luke and han surviving on an ice planet with no reference to anything that happens in the last film except the two characters' relationship. and then the next film was still return of the jedi, unchanged. it felt like that
i liked all the weird campy silliness of the star beast and the giggle, and they were both very fun! neil patrick harris gave a fantastic performance, there are a lot of very memorable sequences from the giggle, but it's very very all over the place. so many threads get kind of picked up and go nowhere. the toymaker's haunted house dimension goes nowhere. RTD's eyerolling social media commetnary goes nowhere (thank god tbh but yknow im illustrating something here). even the toymaker kind of goes nowhere, after ncuti gatwa shows up he's bascially an afterthought who loses by dropping a ball. obvious parallels to david tennant's first episode with that ball scene could be made, but just... aren't. it feels like load-bearing sectikons of the plot and themes were cut out to make room for a backdoor pilot for the stupid fucking UNIT spinoff
oh and it goes without saying i fucking hate all the UNIT wank in the star beast and the giggle. i hope space nine eleven 2 happens to their stupid fucking avengers tower i cannot stand kate stewart who is constantly a murderous bonehead (in the giggle alone she gets two pepole killed by not listening to the doctor and assuming that this teleporting godlike entity could be restrainted by Two Guys) who is both in and out of universe just a boring nepo baby with no merit of her own
um. i still dont know what happened with the regeneration. i think the implication is that when david tennant dies hell time travel back to become ncuti gatwa inside himself--at least the rehab dialogue seems to make that implication. but it's not really explained or explored? baffling. i do think that fourteen getting to settle down and live a peaceful life with his friends is cute.
oh yeah and the ask said other than that but goddd there was some good stuff in the star beast and honestly with the state of the UK media i will take any perspective on trans people that includes baseline human erespect but some of those lines made me cringe so bad. anyway overall i am cautiously optimistic for the future of the show--oh ncuti was fucking great did i mention that i instantly bnought him as the doctor he owned the scene, the moment he was there it was clear he was the protagonist, and i liked the church on ruby road well enough too--i am cautiously optimistic but i worry that a big UNIT-shaped tumor will devour huge chunks of it and it'll be annoying. also russel t davies is like 60 and i just dont want to hear what he has to say about twitter so im not looking forward to dot and bubble
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HIIII!!!!! it's me again, the most obsessed and horniest yuji lover!♡🎀
Didn't have anything to do today so I have been on tumbler looking for any yuji content I can get my hands on :p! And I am just OBSESSED with headcanons, specifically yuji as your boyfriend! AHH!!!
Like, how would he first tell you he likes you? How long would it take? Ugh, now me personally, I can only imagine having a movie night alone, megumi and nobara canceled ofc because they don't want to watch whatever bs movie yuji picks :(. And then so there you are, Both cuddled up on the couch, a little to close together, and he is just.. so flustered! But why? It's not like he likes you or anything! Well, turns out he does and he JUST realized. So when the two protagonists in the romantic comedy yall are watching suddenly confess, he can't hold it back! It just blurts out of his mouth..which would be a bad thing, until you reveal you like him back!♡
Idk, I just find it soo cute, and honestly totally something he would do. 🤷♀️. But then like, first date? Would he take you to eat, the movies, or maybe to the mall?
Now this one, I'm not too sure, to many options and I love them all, but he would DEFINITELY make it romantic and cute ><!
Okay, but now like one of the MILLION dollar questions is.... how would he act on your period!
I'm sorry, but every single small headcanon, or fic of how ANYBODY would treat you while ur on your period is straight up Crack to me. I NEED IT. I love the wholesome headcanons. 😔🎀!
I think.. he would notice that your acting different, he cares about you after all so he notices every little thing. So when he sees you look uncomfy or maybe rubbing you hand on your thigh, trying to relieve some pain.. he asks you what's wrong! And when you tell him, I feel like he would IMMEDIATELY do whatever you want to make you feel better. LITERALLY.
"Oh. Really? Is there anything I can do?"
Chocolate? In ur hands the second you ask. Meds for the pain, he's got them? Blanket? YES! cuddles? Okay, is that even a question? OBVI!!!
Second million dollar question is how/what he would do yalls first time. Last headcanon i said was crack, but this one is like all drugs COMBINED. I like to think it would be a makeout session gone to far..
That movie you played has a sex scene, which, really doesn't bother you or him.. or it usually doesn't. Today though, a small thought forms in his brain. How would you look? Sound? Smell? Taste? Feel..? And then it's akward, because you're so close, and his hand just starts massaging your thigh, and he has to kiss you! Which at this point in the relationship isn't like super surprising, I'm sure yuji loves to kiss you. But this one feels different, yujis face is just soo pink, and he almost can't keep his hands off of you! Cupping one cheek while pushing you down on the couch with the other, so he's on top.. then one of his knees pushes your thighs apart.. 🧎♀️
You know the rest.
But I also like to think maybe yall are making out, you on top of his lap, but you can't stop squirming! And it really isn't on purpose, you swear.. but yuji can only take so much, And eventually he can't hide his moans anymore!
Yeah idk I feel like humping n shit, maybe cummin in his pants is SO hot. UGH
I don't think it would really be planned..😋🎀
Also, I feel like he would be super flustered and kinda embarrassed with oral. In the sense that, he could spend hours between your thighs (we all know he's a munch), but the first time you ask to suck him off, he probably turns into a whiny mess.
WHICH BRINGS ME TO THIS. Like- I'm sorry, but no matter how dominant or kinky people make yuji, which I won't lie I love, you CANNOT tell me this man doesn't whine or moan your name. You simply can't. LOOK AT HIM.!!! 🧎♀️🙏
I just, have so many thoughts and headcanons.. l can't control myself yuji headcanons are literally my drug. I love the subby ones, the Dom ones, fluff ones, smut ones... I DONT CARE. If a yuji headcanon exists, I WILL read it.
Omg, I have so much more but I have already made this soo long. I honestly just wanted to ask if you would ever make your own yuji head canons? Maybe you already have and I can't find it.. BUT LET ME KNOW!
I just HAVE to know what headcanons are floating around in that wonderful brain of yours!♡
Also so glad to see you liked my past rant♡♡!!!
I really hope you have a good day/night!!!! Make sure ur taking care of urself babes bc I can't survive without you><! 🎀
(Also sorry for any typos or whatever, this was 100% rushed because my fingers physically cannot keep up with all the thoughts I have of yuji.)
With a heart full of love, and a brain full of yuji,
-your horniest yuji lover!♡🎀
hi lovely <333
gonna put this under a read more so it doesn't take up too much space!
oooh headcanons are fun!! i don't post a ton, not for any particular reason, i just seem to gravitate towards snippets in established relationships.
omg yuji just blurting it out :(( what a sweetheart! he is mortified but i feel like he would try his best to play it cool, though his face feels like it's on fire from how flushed it is!! but then you tell him that you also like him and he visibly relaxes SO much and has the biggest smile on his face and he immediately wants to hug you and hold you close <3
i think for first dates, he would lean towards movies/mall, this way it's still semi-public. it's not that he doesn't want to spend time with you alone (he wants to soooo badly), but i think he thinks he has to take it slow and be sweet and gentlemanly. like he was definitely taught the "proper way" to court a girl by his grandfather, so he holds doors open for you and pulls out your chair and brings you flowers and stuff and its just so sweet of him idk. he might hesitate a bit for pda stuff, but once you give him the okay, he is constantly holding your hand or wrapping an arm around you!! maybe even asking for a kiss!! (side note: i think yuji gets all pouty when you forget to give him a goodbye kiss later in the relationship)
yes!! yuji would ABSOLUTELY be doing anything and everything for you as soon as he notices any symptoms or side effects. he's also the type to track your period on his phone lol just so he can prepare and give you some chocolate or whatever else might help! he is just like. the nicest and most caring boyfriend ever <3333
OOOH i love love love both of those for first time ughhh!! i have a fic i've been meaning to work on more but i'm just a little too fried to write much of anything, anyway its a dry humping fic with yuji because i just know he loves the feeling of it ! he can't even get embarrassed from cumming in his pants because it feels so good and he likes how dirty it is (he's a bit of a perv :3). BUT i also love the idea that he just can't help himself and he's so wrapped up in the moment that he doesn't even notice that his knee is pressing against your core... like he's licking into your mouth and grinding against you and you have to pull away because holy shit this feels great and you want more!! and it's kinda rushed and messy, barely taking clothes off but you both need each other so bad!!! (he makes up for it by taking his time with you for round 2 lol)
oh what i would GIVE to suck his dick... yuji is 100% super vocal in my opinion, like he cannot be quiet, which is why his mouth is always on you when he's fucking you! he's always kissing or biting or talking, so when you're sucking him off, he is left to just talk and make so much noise. whining and praising you because it feels so good to have your mouth wrapped around him <3 like imagine sitting between his strong thighs, looking up at him, and his eyes are half lidded, mouth open as he breaths heavily, tongue darting out to lick at his lips, muscles flexing as he tries not to force your head further down or buck his hips up.... ugh he's so hot...
i'd love to write more headcanons and other things for yuji!! its just a matter of me getting inspired or having the energy right now. work has been super draining for me so its been a little difficult to get my brain working lol but im hoping it'll pass in a few weeks
thank you for sharing these with me!!! i love hearing other people's thoughts and headcanons like its just so fun to see what's similar and whatnot :3
#.asks#.anon#yuji lover 🎀 anon#jujutsu kaisen#jujutsu kaisen smut#jujutsu kaisen x reader#yuji itadori
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anyway think often of how life changing and load bearing it is to know and even just see things from many cool and swagful disabled ppl on the Internet and just. identifiable ways were im like. hey. irl person... i think ur lacking some. serious. knowing more disabled persons. and like. fuck do i have to be the cool swagful disabled person from the Internet? thats too much pressure.
#some shit#HANDWAVING the whole. wah wah am I disabled thing cause. again. internet exposure of like. why should the strict definitions matter.#the Point in general is how helpful it can Be REGARDLESS. of being ur true authentic self not just in matters of Expression but also#expectation and care taking. in terms of communication in terms of physical or cogitive ability. terms of pain or energy.#and not just radical acceptance of it all the way down but of the understanding of the joy and sorrows inbetween.#constantly trends on this. yes. very bad webbed site. which very directly know just how scary and daunting and exhausting it is to be.#and thus the genuine care and encouragement. the fully. unironic commitment to being. So Brave About things.#the small or nine delights of things. the horrors. like.#like!!! i dont make it alone out there!!! idk!! and#stepping outside these spaces or the few places of ppl who know how it is a bit better. like.#just. running out of pacience for the way some ppl i know talk about things. i dont want to use our struggles at meter sticks! i dont want#to hear about how difficult things OUGHT to be. all we have is how they ARE. and.#[joking phrase for legitmate feeling] its making the revolution sad. where is the solidarity in this behaviour.#okay. im done. i kinda inhaled some instance noodles while typing this and that hurt.
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hater alert! far too many people say that juri’s character arc ‘isn’t about her being sad about being gay, it’s about being sad about unrequited love that happens to be gay’ and. well. that is not true and by saying that you are completely flattening the brilliance of juri’s character arc which literally culminates in her being able to accept her own lesbianism despite her unrequited love, despite all her shame and self-loathing, despite this pursuit by Some Fucking Guy to try and ‘save’ her from these feelings. like if you think juri’s entire character is just ‘sad about shiori’ how do you appreciate even a modicum of the emotion packed into that final juri duel. it is both about shiori and, even broader, her lesbian identity and what that means to her intrinsically as a person, removed from romantic relationships and just purely as like. you know. Who She Is. the idea that even when juri’s locket is cut from her neck she is still a lesbian that’s still who she is and she cant change that and, crucially, she doesn’t want to even as she is agonised by these feelings. that’s why she forfeits the duel!!!! she’s clocking out she’s quitting she’s saying no!!!!!! this is me and ive got to be ok with that this is me and i can accept that this girl might not love me and i can keep living despite that. like. god im so normal arisugawa juri im so sorry that no one understands you and your intrinsically unapologetically lesbian storyline like i do
#ok got that out of my system now (rewatched ep 29 duel too many times)#revolutionary girl utena#rgu#idk i just see that argument so much and it makes me so sad#bc i get where ppl r coming from there r a lot of unnuanced ‘sad bc gay’ narratives out there#but juri’s whole arc is about actively challenging and deconstructing that idea#and it deals with the sadness that comes with being closeted with knowing youre gay and not really liking that about yourself#and eventually she does accept and embrace that aspect of herself but CRUCIALLY she doesnt do it via romantic validation#in fact she does it in the face of like. All Opposition Ever#no one says hey juri if you were gay that’d be totally fine actually haha#ruka tries to save her from her lesbianism!!!!!!!! like!!!!!!!#it is juri and juri alone who makes this resolution and that is just So Fucking Important to me#shes so. she is the queer character of all time to me i literally dont care no one else will ever come close#LIKE!!!!!!! THE CASTLE WEEPING ON HER WHEN SHE MAKES HER CHOICE!!!!!!!#accepting that part of yourself and having the symbol of matrimony and heteronormativity WEEP over you#no one ever validates juri’s choice to accept her queerness but she keeps making that choice#and her in episode 37…….. god i just might keel over and die girls when juri utena touga parallels……#anywayyyyyyy love and light i love juriposting#shut up daisy
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“what does geralt get from that friendship…”
another post examining the weight of geralt and dandelion’s friendship… because i don’t think people recognize how painful and debilitating loneliness can become.
the witcher as a deconstruction of the genre takes fantasy tropes to their most logical ends—it asks us to consider what The Lone Swordsman feels, looks into the humanity in a Cold-Blooded Killer. and it turns out he’s not cold-blooded at all.
that despite some superhuman abilities, he laments and worries and curses himself, just like any other worker of any other profession. just as the farmer is scorched by the sun, the washerwoman’s back aches, and the scholar goes half-blind studying, a witcher deals with all of the pains and annoyances and dangers of his job in a mundanely human way.
but the farmer, the washerwoman, and the scholar have something the witcher does not have—they’ll always be seen as human and part of their society. at the end of the day after enduring all of their labor, they have their wife to caress, festivities to attend, and taverns to frequent. but for a witcher? after the killing is over, what does he have? no one and nothing. not even a thank you. he is met with fear and hatred everywhere he goes, baseless bigotry and dislike.
I did my job. I quickly learned how. I’d ride up to village enclosures or town pickets and wait. If they spat, cursed and threw stones, I rode away. If someone came out to give me a commission, I’d carry it out.
so he faces not just loneliness, but being deliberately ostracized and cast out from society. geralt can’t even find a polite word in most settlements, much less a friend.
‘(…) Tell me, where should I go? And for what? At least here some people have gathered with whom I have something to talk about. People who don’t break off their conversations when I approach. People who, though they may not like me, say it to my face, and don’t throw stones from behind a fence. (…)’
this kind of loneliness is not a mere inconvenience. it’s completely altering to your self-perception and ability to see the positive in the world.
each day is not lived, but endured.
day in, and day out—forced to the most difficult and lowest labor in order to survive, and knowing that were you to die, no one would search for your body, few would miss you, hell, they might even spit “good riddance”.
in this situation, to find a friend, is not only friendship, but a rescue.
without dandelion, geralt may have drowned—drowned in solitude, amidst a sea of strangeness.
‘(…) And I’m alone, completely alone, endlessly alone among the strange and hostile elements. Solitude amid a sea of strangeness. Don’t you dream of that?’
No, I don’t, he thought. I have it every day.
because dandelion is not only a bright soul, characteristic rippling laughter and the strum of a lute, but someone who will intently listen to geralt, someone who mutually enjoys his company.
‘(…) you almost jumped out of your pants with joy to have a companion. Until then, you only had your horse for company.’
someone who doesn’t see him as strange and at the fringes of society at all, but as an utterly normal man.
and doesn’t impose demeaning, sappy sympathy onto him, but sobering and realistic “quit your bullshit” which ridicules the very thought that he should internalize societal hatred.
Do you know what your problem is, Geralt? You think you’re different. (…) [You don’t understand that] for people who think clear-headedly you’re the most normal man under the sun, and they all wish that everybody was so normal. What of it that you have quicker reflexes than most and vertical pupils in sunlight? That you can see in the dark like a cat? That you know a few spells? Big deal.
dandelion isn’t “willing” to accept geralt for himself—he already has accepted him. and to him, it’s no difficulty, it’s nothing worth discussing, because he sees no abnormality and no strangeness in him.
while others “prefer the company of lepers to witchers,” dandelion has already offered geralt to share his room and board. not out of sympathetic pity, not out of fetishizing curiosity. because… they’re friends.
and what else does this friendship save him from?
not only from others, but from himself.
worse than enduring others’ apathy and hatred is one’s own thoughts—the darkness and negativity which builds from witnessing and experiencing such behavior.
dandelion’s ability to counter and dispel geralt’s pessimism and self-flagellating tendencies—again, not out of pity, but out of friendship—is undeniably invaluable. someone to rescue you from your darkest thoughts, when you begin to spiral.
and in this darkness, all you can do is cry. you cry, beg for someone to help you, please—
Help! Why doesn't anyone help me? Alone, weak, helpless – I can't move, can't force a sound from my constricted throat. Why does no one come to help me? I'm terrified!
to be alone, the saga reminds us, is worse than a death sentence. to be alone is to “perish; stabbed, beaten or kicked to death, defiled, like a toy passed from hand to hand.” to be alone is to suffer, and to be with someone is to save them from that suffering.
'(…) I wouldn't like anything bad to happen to you. I like you too much, owe you too much-'
'You've said that already. What do you owe me, Yennefer?'
The sorceress turned her head away, did not say anything for a while.
'You travelled with him,' she said finally. 'Thanks to you he was not alone. You were a friend to him. You were with him.'
it is true that geralt has saved dandelion countless times, helped him, gotten him out of some scrape… but to ask what did geralt get in return? are you kidding me?
did you ever consider that it is dandelion who saved geralt?
by being with him. by being by his side. by being his friend.
indeed, dandelion has rescued geralt, countless times, from the yawning jaws of endless loneliness. he’s helped him, chased away the danger of geralt’s own rumination. and he’s gotten him out of scrapes, his own insecurities and bitter helplessness.
so what does dandelion give geralt? what does geralt get from their friendship?
an amusing question. what one gets from friendship is the friendship itself. and that is more than enough.
#the witcher books#gerlion#geralt of rivia#dandelion#jaskier#the parallels with ciri’s story makes me so emotional like…#ciri is just geralt but younger and alone. and thus she suffers so immensely#i included ciri’s nightmare because i think that’s how it feels to be alone#you just cry out ‘help! why won’t someone help me?’ and no one answers#and the funny bit is that everyone is like ‘ugh you cannot get RID of dandelion’ like#i think that’s the most comforting and relieving thing about him. he will never leave and abandon geralt.#there is nothing geralt *would* or *could* do to ever push him away#the kind of friendship where you never worry about being too ‘weird’ for them because they straight up dont care if youre weird#honestly idk how more people dont see them like this because i feel like loneliness is so pervasive right now#does everyone else just have this kind of best friend and for that reason take dandelion’s presence for granted#s: i want to be by your side#c: geralt#c: dandelion#excerpt#analysis#like. this is how it is:#the entire world: ‘you’re nothing you’re worthless and you’re inhuman’#dandelion is NOT like ‘omgggg of course you are something 🥺🥺 pwease don’t think badly like that’#no. he’s like ‘the hell? that’s the stupidest thing ive ever heard. why the hell are you even listening to that’#dandelion has a kind of masculine energy that the fandom does not like lmao
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i've tried to write this post three times now and i can't word it right but i'm just feeling SOME type of way about the fact that both of desert duo have now won. like, it's--it's either relief or horror, right? And I know those aren't supposed to be related feelings. Relief or horror. But it's like...Scar has finally joined Grian in the rank of winners. Four full games after dying in second place after being beaten to death by Grian's bare hands and he's won. Maybe it's relief because they're both on sort of equal footing now as winners. Maybe it's horror because now Scar knows what it's like and that isn't always a good things. I don't know. I really don't.
#dont @ me i can make desert duo feelings out of ANYTHING lol#it's just. idk. it's both of them now#which makes me FEEL something because it was just both of them at the end of 3rd life too wasn't it?#except it couldn't be. so then it was just grian.#and now it's just scar. it's grian telling scar he won. it's scar standing there alone--like he was all series--as the winner.#idk. he's joined that club now.#secret life spoilers#secret life smp#grian#scar#desert duo
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Wait wait I just scrolled by a mutual that reblogged your Godseeker-Comic. Is that an AU? Is there more of this? This is so interesting! I have never seen Godseeker turning to be a part of Void. Mostly just always getting killed by it.
I hope you're doing more with this concept in one way or another because this is a really interesting idea!
ouuu thank you 🥺❤️ its not really an au, its more like my interpretation of a continuation to the embrace the void ending!! :D I think most people are not aware that she canonically doesnt die, and take the ending at face value.... its kind of hard to explain for me since even i am not 100% sure what exactly happens lol but i like to think that theyre perpetually linked or fused together in some weird way. and i feel that this result is pretty intentional from both sides.
Godseeker mentions that they seek gods to "clutch at their greatness and immortality", which i assume that with 'clutch' she means that these traits would be shared with the Godseekers through the "Godly focus" thing. And the knight, besides the fact that it proved its strenght against the local strongest beings, it posesses (via the Void Heart) the void under its will, which is literally said to be an "eternal" force that "denies time", ie immortal.
and this union of sorts would be beneficial for the knight as well, as it can go into Holy Beast mode at just about anytime it wants, which is a really awesome powerup if u ask me. That and also (in my headcanon) it does like her. very much :-)
#hollow knight#the knight hk#godseeker hk#this is also why i made their tag:#symvoidsis#LITERALLY UNION FOR LIFE OF TWO DIFFERENT ORGANISMS!!! BEING OF THE MUTUALISTIC KIND AS ITS BASED ON MUTUAL BENEFIT!!!!#i have soooo many thoughts about them that i really just dont know how to express in drawings#like how she could help on rebuilding hallownest with her ability to build devices out of nothing#her and monomon could be work buddies in this scenario (in this universe it would not have broken the seals btw)#she most definitely knows about leading a whole community out of misery too (land of storms)#and tk as the new monarch (ASSUMING that thats how the king's brand works) would most definitely need that sort of knowledge#as it was raised alone out there on the fucking wastelands it probably doesnt know much about leadership honestly#IDK I JSUT THINK THEY COMPLIMENT EACHOTHER SO WELL I JUST THINK THEYRE NEAT#ITS SUCH AN UNDERRATED DUO IN MY OPINION#'Mostly just always getting killed by it' LIKE FOR FUCKING REALLLLL THOUGH#I ALWAYS JUST SEE HER BEING KILLED OFF IT MAKES ME SO SAD#BEING A GODSEEKER LOVER OVER HERE IS SO HARD#tysm for the ask❤️ btw .i love talking about them hehe
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pls i need to provide updates
#basically yesterday night was chaharshanbe suri . which is a solar new yr tradition where we let go of the past suffering in our year#and like...start the new yr w fresh vigour . anyway so my friend was at the event and we were abt to leap over the fire#and she was like bro im im glad u blocked her (situationship) etc etc . and then. my phone started vibrating. and i look at it. and my f#friend looks at it. and its her. and were both like what the fuck?? i blocked her things r Over and anyway so i pick up the phone and shesl#acting like nothing happened (bc nothing DID happen for her) and she was like ohh ur doing chaharshanbe suri im not doing anything etc what#are ur new yr plans so i jusr .IDK WHY I DID THIS . but ig i didnt wanna come off as like lonely i said probably hanging out w family and#friends maybe reading poetry together . et cetera and she was like wait that sounds so fun why didnt u invite me!#LIKE WDYM YOUVE BEEN CONSISTENTLY MAKING IT CLEAR U DONT WANT TO BE IN MY PRESENCE . and i told her that after#everything i thought she didnt want to see me again and she was like you always think that 😐 . like. ?? ok anyway so she expects me to#invite her . and like. there is an above 0% but sub-5% chance she will actually show up . but the panic that gripped me#i started making calls to my friends asking them if they can come on the 23rd bc there must be an event and also i asked my mother#and she said actually yeah i am doing a thing on the 23rd :D it involves over 16 ppl (we live in a v small flat) of which like...7 are kids#so you wont have space to be in ur own room let alone invite others. which tbh like ...being around a bunch of loud kids doesnt seem fun fo#any of my friends or me etc so i thought maybe i should arrange things so that we all go out together and if she shows up she shows up 🤷♀️#but . im so. WHY DID I SAY THAT . i had to panic-call my research partner and ask him to get from oxf to where i live on the 23rd#and when he heard the explanation he like. the light in his voice disappeared 💀 but he potentially agreed so idk#THE ISSUE IS. 23rd im supposed to also have . a date#w this girl that i had a huge crush on when i was 15-16 (posted abt this b4 but id get shitty black coffee in the mornings just to spend a#few more minuted w her each day and she was the cleverest girl in school and she cared abt nothing but her academics but now shes very gay#scraggly homosexual etc etc shes cute) and YEAH IDK#like id have to go there on the date come back fast meet ppl POTENTIALLY (again under 5%) meet situationship girl#like is that even doable#but the thing is it would be so so so funny bc all of my friends dislike her sooo much#.........what if i invited the girl im supposed to have a date w over to hang out w us#god that would be so hilarious and chaotic . i wont do it tho im a mature person x#but it would be soooo funny#I HAVE AN ASSIGNMENT DUE TMRW 12:30PM IT IS 10:49PM RN I HAVENT STARTED IT bc i was rotting sadly in bed#popped a ritalin pill tho so here we go x#i have found myself in a state of such sheer agony and rage and sorrow and grief over this girl that atp i feel like#its just so entertaining . like i feel vaguely over it? ik nothing will come of it so its like just . have fun . vibe
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this is gonna sound whiny but nonbinary ppl can immediately tell when u just see them as their agab jsyk👍 its just frustrating 2 b surrounded by other queer ppl and even in those communities without fail if i make any comment abt period cramps or having worked in childcare or shit like that theres an Immediate shift to like oh okay ur actually a Girl got it . like . there was anothr nonbinary person i used 2 kno who had zero problem using the right pronouns for me until they heard how high my voice was on a call once ☠️
#this isnt targeted its just a vent#idk its just annoying. like i can get away w painting my nails but i feel like thats bc#its trendy in niche communities now for cis boys to do it#and i hate feeling like my masculinity is constantly being stacked next to like . the pillars of cis man and cis woman#like . idk im probably not articulating this v well#like . especially as somebody who thinks of themselves as transmasc but doesnt want top surgery its annoying bc that alone#means i lose legitimacy 2 some of the queer ppl i try 2 talk 2 abt gender stuff with#and beyond that#the stupidass responses ive gotten to telling ppl i dont ever rlly plan on coming out to my family#like girl.... i cannot be the first person uve met who doesnt have a safe or comfortable environment to be transgender jn????#and beyond that i dont think its that big a deal that i dont ever come out like . officially#the ppl i care abt know and they see me the way i want so thats enough for me#but in like . largely lgbt online spaces thats where it gets frustrating#like we r supposed 2 b beyond defining gender solely on stereotypes and tit size#tw transphobia#like not rlly but jic it makes anybody uncomfy#thank u that is all#SORRY FOR BEIN CRANKY FIRST THING IN THE MORNING 😵😵 love and light etc#its not like a huge deal either its just smth that gets frustrating specifically in spaces full of ppl that u have some expectations#of understanding from#sorry if this is like complete nonsense LOL
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ok guys weather report :
likely a few more days without art or much activity coming bc while i got used to juggling uni+job+job, i now have shit ton of documentation to do after unis teachinf practise shit fuck fuck penis fuck period and boy is it not fun.
#i only got to make some progress on a wip by staying up after midnight#but im not gonna keep doing that bc. i already wake up looking like a zombie#not good. i need to talkto people of all ages (6 days a week) and smile at them and pretend im a fairy gottmother#ok ok let me complain here please. OVER 50 MICROSOFT WORD DOCUMENTS TOTAL TO BE WRITTEN AND PRINTED OUT#AND I HAVE LIKE A WEEK AND +- SOME DAYS. ME AN AVERAGE very smart and talented and hot HUMAN CAT ALL ALONE#i wouldve had 2 months if my assigned teacher did not fuCK UP#so yeah please dont expect much from me for now#i tried doodling a pip just now but idk some exhaustion or art block fuckery happened it came out shit#and i got so angry i rage quit
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my method of "getting better" has just been Do Everything Possible and latch onto whatever gives you any sense of purpose and/or joy. and i guess it's been working because i am definitely not in quite the same place that i was a few yrs ago
#like i have tried so many things#any opportunity for trying a thing that is supposed to be helpful is met with ''yeah sure why not''#counselors love me for it LMFAO#''its impressive that you're willing to try these things :)'' girl if i dont then I'll kill myself. it's not gonna hurt me to try#if it goes badly then i have a breakdown and maybe hurt myself but then i immediately move onto the next thing#and i can always draw shitty art. thats always there for me. i can rotate my OCs in my brain. i can watch a show or listen to a podcast#those are always available if nothing else works out#and maybe it helps that i have a deadline of ''if life is still intolerable by x time then you can kill urself'' dhfjdkl#operating by that makes me want to put in more effort bc theres a time limit#also doing all these things has given me a sense of identity outside of having irl ppl around me#i couldnt control that for a long time (very very very lucky to have joined the old lady group recently) so i had to make do#and it is hard and it is scary and it is very often nearly unbearably lonely. but when u throw urself headfirst into ur own stuff#then u don't focus so much on the Aloneness of it all. and also u get to post abt ur hobbies and stuff and make friends online that way#idk !!! it is a hard spot to pull urself out of but taking a single step at a time is incredibly helpful#trying things and doing things and keeping on trucking gets u thru it one way or another#pippen needs 2nd breakfast#suicide mention
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#i keep having little things in my life that make me go god i want to leave#but like. it wld take too long.#it wouldnt be an immediate change#i would still need to relearn to drive which would take forever bc i hate it#and i would need to look into certs that wld get me employed#or anything that wld get me employed#i know the time will pass anyway but that doesnt work for my brain that has trouble Startin especially when theres no light#at the end of the tunnel. like doing those things wont guarantee me a job so why bother#i get lulled back into well living here isnt so bad i can take it. moving out would be worse. id be alone and i wouldnt#feed myself and id have a job i hated#but then Something Happens and the cycle repeats and im miserable#and i want to leave but how can i. and it would take forever. so ill stay. but it sucks. and i want to leave. but how can i. and it w#talkys#i can take it. but not for much longer. but i can. but i cant. but i have to. but i dont want to. i can. i cant#idk how people Live#my issue is i want to leave Now i want to leave Yesterday.
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i've been considering resuming job hunting again but i think I'm still, like, traumatized from what i went through in 2021 lmao
#i keep getting in this cycle of 'well my current job lets me do pretty much whatever i want bc they trust me to get shit done'#(which honestly is really nice bc i am neither a team player nor a leader and i like being left alone lmao)#and 'my current job is otherwise unfulfilling in every way possible also it's for an awful company I'm ethically opposed to and i want out'#and my salary is garbage#esp as someone with 12 years of experience#and they dont even do cost of living adjustments#in theory they will give you a raise if you go above and beyond but i did that for a year and just got a thank you#which i dont need your fucking gratitude i need more money#but god i just cant do interviews anymore#i used to be such a good BSer in interviews#and now i just... cant lmao#so many places are all into the 'be your authentic self' shit these days#my authentic self is not employable lmao#and then i think about pursuing my creative passions for income and I'm like nooo i dont wanna do that either#bc that will make me hate what i love#i am so protective of my hobbies just being hobbies#idk whatever!!!!#t: wench.txt
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Am I the only one who doesn't think that 60s era Doctor Who's trend/themes of 'protect women' isnt sexist?
Most of the complaints I see about 60s Who sexism, and the male characters of that era is largely due to the men being like 'girls stay back.' But a) there is nothing inherently sexist about that imo? Men protecting women is the most healthy masculine thing possible. And b) when the women are like 'no lol' the men are like 'okay fine let's go' and respect their decisions on the whole.
Like that isn't sexism? That's just recognising men and women are different?
#wren rambles#doctor who#classic doctor who#this is mostly about jamie#who yes he does make sexist comments appart from his drive to protect#but only ever does that in the context of trolling his female friends#honestly i feel like if i look close enough i could argue that modern who is MORE sexist than 60s who#tempted to make that argument shfhs#i mean just look at the variety of women we have in the 60s era alone!#theres people from the past (victoria) and the future (vicki)#theres people who hang back and tend to be more damsel in distress (susan) vs women who are on the front lines (polly)#theres ladies who are pretty streets smart (dodo) and ladies who are able to keep up with the doctor intellectually (zoe)#there's BARBARA WRIGHT#the 60s era ladies are so different and all stand out in their own way#they have different skills and gifts and personalities#and (on the whole poor dodo) are pretty well developed characters#vs the same trope of 'Contemporary British Woman Who Adores The Doctor As The Best Ever Who Can Do No Wrong' fits like 70% nu companions#idk man.#i get tired of people saying 60s who is sexist#cos i dont see that it is? but maybe im missing something#i will say that i love all the 60s ladies soso much#and find some of the modern ladies less developed#ANYWAY RANT OVER THANK YOU
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MAN! AHH!
#its so crazy to realize that like#you actually do have a life you can go back to after removing yourself from a space that was actively making you miserable#i fucking love my friends so much. been talking to them a lot more lately#i feel like ive been neglecting them because ive been spending so much time lamenting the relationships that havent worked out for me#and just not even thinking about the ones that HAVE and actively DO#and its like. why do i hesitate to dive headfirst into the friendships that i already have and already feel secure in???#i think part of me thinks i dont deserve relationships where i dont have to prove myself#but im realizing that i can draw a distinct line between friendships where i feel loved as i am vs ones where i have to earn approval#and the latter is not where i should be focusing my energy#idk! love my irls. rubyrainacharlie forever#feels like im coming back to who i was pre-all the horrible shit thats happened to me in the last year and a half#like even just after the last two days alone#diary
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☃️
#out of nowhere i just got reminded of how in 9th grade during a break i was sitting w my friend group nd studying#me nd one of my friends got into just a silly argument bc she was always trying to cause friction lol#then she suddenly got rlly mad nd it resulted in her throwing a book in my face#and saying that i should just go kill myself and make the world a better place#and all our other friends just silently started packing up their things nd then just left#she left too#so i fled to the bathrooms nd cried for a long time not wanting to go to class#i ended up being a bit late to class nd walking into the classroom w all of my 'friends' in there was so weird#i also told our teacher but she didnt believe me nd just said that she (the friend) would never say or do smth like that#if just one of those friends would've stayed and comforted me.....#idk i am oversensitive so even small things hurt me lol but this was such an unpleasant nd bad moment for me#i felt so alone.... nd like none of them would care if i did kill myself. bc none of the protested when she said that skskksks#anyway.. i rlly dont wanna think abt my school time at all but sometimes i have dreams abt them nd i wake up remembering :((((
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