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#lewis would but lewis is brave all the time. every minute of every day n val can do this for him. he can be brave here so lewis doesn’t have
milflewis · 1 year
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He tries to sing a little quieter in his drivers room
Niamh, respectfully, wtf. Shut UP
no but george finding valtteri in his room and he’s like. the fuck are you doing here. and valtteri has to tell this fucking british twink cow eyed lesbian that he misses lewis’s singing 😔😔🤧🤧 and george !! george god bless him believes in true love !! he was raised right so what else can he do but help him !! so he starts sneaking val into the merc motorhome so val can sit in george’s driver room and listen to lewis sing next door bc that is the only logical solution to their problem
(smt smth lewis ends up catching them n he’s like. val !! wait….val?? oh….val 🥺🥺 bc he thinks they’re sleeping together but val n george are too busy freaking out that they got caught to realise what lewis is thinking n shit spirals. lewis stops singing. val is miserable. george just wants his room back. smth smth)
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joekeeryswife · 2 months
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ballet recital - m.m
a/n: hello honeys! how cute is this concept! loving the idea of Mason being a girl dad (sorry not sorry lol). i didn’t know how to end it lmfao. if you have any requests send them through!! anyways enjoy reading 🩰
taglist: @noturbabe22 @luvvtrent @peterparkerbae @masonreds
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“are you excited for your ballet recital honey?” you heard Mason’s voice as he spoke to your 5 year old daughter Margot.
“yes daddy i am. are you still coming?” she had been excited for this recital for months and so had Mason.
this was a big deal for all of you and it just so happened that her recital landed on the day after Mason’s football game for England.
The squad had travelled to Portugal for the game and you both hadn’t even realised it at the time. “i’m sorry sweetheart, you know i’m in Portugal for a game but i promise i’ll make it next time”
she pouted and looked defeated but she understood that her dad had to work and nodded. but what she didn’t know was you and Mason had planned for him to fly home the day after early in the morning and surprise her.
“you know i would love to be there angel and i will be there next time. don’t get upset, it hurts my heart” she put on a brave face and showed him a tight lipped smile.
“i know daddy. love you” she handed the phone back to you and ran off to her room, you knew she was upset and that hurt you. “she looked heartbroken. that made me feel awful, you should go check on her” you nodded and smiled softly.
“we will be watching your game tonight. i’ll see you tomorrow yeah?” Mason nodded and smiled back at you “i love you” he said and brushed his hand through his hair.
“i love you too. be safe” with that you ended the phone and made your way to your daughters room. you knocked on her door carefully hoping to not frighten her.
you could hear the cutest voice on the other side say ‘come in’ so you did. she was on her bedroom floor playing with her barbie’s she’d gotten for christmas a couple months before. “are you okay sweetie?” you sat down next to her and ran your hand up and down her back.
she nodded and continued to play with her dolls. “would you like me to face-time daddy whilst you’re preforming?” she shrugged, you could tell she was upset and wanted her dad to be there.
“you’ve got so many people coming to see you remember? you’ve got not your nanny’s, grandads, uncle lewis and auntie jas and your cousins are coming” she looked up at you, her eyes filled with sadness. “it’s not the same” you nodded, agreeing.
“it’s not but daddy wouldn’t want you to be sad would he? he’d want you to be excited about this baby. he’s very proud of you” your hands went to her cheeks and stroked them softly. “do you think he’d want us to facetime him? he wouldn’t get annoyed?” you frowned.
“why would he be annoyed honey? he would love for you to facetime him” you were confused “but he has football and we would be interrupting him” even though Margot was only five she was so smart, one of the smartest in her class.
“absolutely not. your father would not be annoyed at all, i bet you he’d be crying on the phone whilst watching you” you lent in and kissed her forehead. “don’t you go worrying about it sweetheart, we can do whatever you want and if you want me to facetime him whilst you’re preforming then i will” she nodded.
“you are so beautiful Margot, do you know that?” you blushed and nodded again “i love you mama” your heart melted. “i love you more sweet girl”
-♡-
Mason had landed an hour ago and was now on his way to the dance hall, he was messaging you every so often to give you updates on where he was and how long he was going to be and it looked like he was getting there ten minutes before it was Margot’s classes turn to preform.
you met up with your parents, your siblings, Masons parents and his siblings at the front of the dance hall. Margot was dressed in her pink leotard, tutu and ballet shoes. “wow look at you pretty girl” Lewis said as Margot ran up to him.
he picked her up and showered her in kisses, careful to not mess up her bun. “thank you uncle lewis” you were lucky that both of your families were close, everyone got along. “you excited to preform honey? you’re gonna do so good” your mum kissed Margot’s cheek where a deep red blush spread on her cheeks.
“i’m super excited” she squealed “we should go in and find our seats, Margot do you want to go find your teacher?” you asked as Lewis put her down. she nodded. you knelt down in front of her and gave her a kiss on her forehead.
“you’re gonna do so well, you’re beautiful, the best ballerina i’ve ever seen. no nerves, no tears because you are gonna do amazing. and, i’m going to facetime your dad as soon as the show starts okay?” she smiled and nodded. Margot got nervous easily which sometimes made her cry but you knew today she wouldn’t, she was going to do great.
you all entered the dance hall and was greeted by Margot’s teacher who pointed you in the right direction to your seats and took Margot backstage. you were all practically front row and it was shocking as there was so many people here.
you saved a seat for Mason next to you and the hall quickly filled up. it was 5 minutes before the kids got on stage that Mason finally came through the doors to the hall and was searching around for you all. he spotted you and quickly walked to you all and kissed your cheek. “hi honey” he made you jump but nevertheless you knew who it was and quickly turned towards him.
you kissed him and he sat down next to you “i missed you” he said, placing his hand on your thigh. “you were gone for one day, you couldn’t of missed me that much” you rolled your eyes but blushed slightly. “one day too long, i wanted to come home as soon as the game finished. i’m never going away without you both again” you giggled at how precious he was.
the lights in the hall dimmed and the curtains opened to a stage which was decorated beautifully. your eyes focused for your little girl who stepped out with her classmates, they all stood in a line and looked around the room for their parents.
Margot locked eyes with Mason and blushed brightly and waved at him, seeing her on the stage made Mason tear up. his first born was growing up so quickly and this made him realise it. he waved back and blew her a kiss and the music started playing.
the class started preforming their ballet routine and your heart melted. seeing Margot dancing after practicing for months was the cutest thing you’d ever seen. she looked so comfortable as she danced.
you looked over at your mum who was recording the whole thing with the biggest smile on her face. you grabbed Masons hand which was on your leg and squeezed it tightly. you looked at him and he had a few tears rolling down his cheeks which you quickly wiped away and kissed his cheek.
“she looks so cute” he whispered, his eyes never leaving his little girl. “she’s doing amazing. she practiced so hard for this, it’s nice to see the final thing” he nodded as he squeezed your hand. you’d only ever seen Mason cry a handful of times since you’d been together.
nothing to do with the societal view of men crying makes them look weak, he just wasn’t a big crier. you’d only ever seen him cry when he’d watched the notebook with you, the birth or Margot, her first birthday and a couple other times.
the dance recital wasn’t very long, 30 minutes to be exact as there was two classes. after the recital had finished everyone was instructed to wait outside so they could collect their child and you stood waiting with Mason, hand in hand.
Margot was the first one out, running straight toward Mason who accepted her with open arms. “oh my girl you did so well” he picked her up and hugged her tightly. your daughter loved surprises and you knew this one would mean a lot to her.
he kissed her head and everyone awed at the two of them. “you said you weren’t coming” Margot said as she squeezed him tighter like he was going to disappear if she let go. “you really think i’d miss it? no way”
“you did so amazing poppet, you looked so beautiful” Debbie said making her look up from Masons neck. “thank you nanny” she was blushing. “do you think we should go out and celebrate? have some food together?” Mason said making Margot nod.
all of you decided on a food place and celebrated your little girls performance. Margot and Mason had sat next to each other and he had never felt love like this before. surrounded by the people he loved celebrating his daughter.
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yeehawbvby · 1 year
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FAWY Minis | Ch. 3 (Sam and Seb alt. POV)
Rating: Mature/Explicit
Notes: This one happens after the first saloon meeting, but isn’t necessarily in any specific chapter(s). :) Enjoy and take care x
Edit: Please check my comments on this!! (and be sure to read in order, since they seemed to post out of it on my end :’D)
Falling Away With You (main story)
Check it out on ao3!
Prev | Next
—SAM POV—
Every Saturday, if his work can spare it, Sebastian comes over and we just jam for a bit. Sometimes we play games too, and usually we spend some time out by the river so he can get his smokes in. But mostly, the first day of our weekends are spent in my room. Doing the same things we always do. It’s fun, though! Personally, I wouldn’t change a thing about it.
But this time, I have no plans for music or games or food or smoking anything. I’ve got some stuff to try and work out. Stuff that I’m pretty sure I could only really talk to Seb about.
Ever since we met (y/n) last night, my mind has been racing. I haven’t felt this way about someone in… ha, since when I caught feelings for him, back in the day. 
Lucky for me, I saw her again this morning. Her hair was up in a messy ponytail, shining alongside her (s/c) skin in the bright sun. More of her body was out in the open, thus blessing my eyes with her figure. She was wearing a cropped black tank top that fit snug to her torso with some baggy, half-buttoned, brown denim overalls on top. Her rubber boots were covered in mud. Brave of her to do farm work, which I’m assuming is the reason for the mess, after all the rain we got yesterday. 
(Y/n) said she was on her way over to Mayor Lewis’ place to ask how shipping boxes work, but I gave her the run-down instead. I’ve learned it a million times just by observing Pierre over at Abby’s house, so I’d like to think I’m a trustworthy enough source! (And I totally just wanted an excuse to talk to her some more. I won’t even lie.)
The way she smiled when she saw me could light up a whole room. The way her hair bounced a little every time she nodded was adorable. The way I could basically see her mentally taking notes about pick-up times and whatnot made me wanna laugh so hard, but I stopped myself, worried that it would embarrass her. Every time she did get embarrassed, or stuttered, or whatever, I wanted to kiss her cheeks to see if her blush made them feel as warm as they looked.
She’s… just so freaking adorable in every sense of the word. Like a little puppy, in a way. 
I thought for sure (y/n) would dip when she was finished getting my help, but she stuck around for a bit. She’s clearly got anxiety or something based on her mannerisms, and seems shy without alcohol in her system, so I was shocked. Her willingness to get to know me better, one-on-one, even for only a few minutes made me feel like I could land any kickflip if I tried.
Well… I did try, and she was there to see me fail almost every one, because it was hard to concentrate with her watching me so intently. 
I flop onto my bed and hug a pillow to myself, groaning into the fabric.
Should I make a move right away? Or is that too creepy? Should I just wait and see how this plays out? What if we become friends, and when I eventually do try to shmooze her, she thinks I’ve been using her? That wouldn’t be good.
Also, how would Seb feel if I tried anything? He seems to have taken a liking to (y/n) too. I dunno if I should get in the way of that. ‘Cause I mean, sure, we’ve both messed around with people every now and then, but I’ve always had more success with landing short- and long-term flings than him.
Or, at the very least, I’ve always been more eager about it… Seb probably manages to attract more chicks than I do, but he rarely shows interest back. 
I’m so used to Seb’s presence by now that I recognize his footsteps when he lets himself in. Too lazy to move, I half-shout, half-sing, “Come onnn in,” once I hear him making his way to my room. The door flings open, and without explanation, I begin airing my troubles to the poor guy.
“Man, I’ve got it sooo baaad.”
“Oh yeah?” he chuckles, tossing a Joja Cola at my stomach. “What’s this about?”
My eyes leave their spot on the ceiling and lock into his. “(Y/n)!” Seb raises a knowing brow at me, opening and sipping his canned coffee. “She’s so cool, dude!” 
He shrugs and nods back at me. “Yeah, she is.” I sit up and crack into my drink, while Seb claims the chair in front of my computer. “You gonna make a move on ‘er?” He casually asks.
“I dunno. I don’t wanna scare her off, or something.” I sigh, flicking around the tab on my can. I accidentally loosen it too much, and it falls into my soda with a plink. I take another sip anyway. “I also, uh…” I rub the back of my neck. “I’ve noticed that you seem to like her a bit too. So I don’t want to throw a wrench in your plans.”
Seb smirks. “I didn’t have any ‘plans.’” I let out a sigh of relief, but my heart sinks when he adds, “Although, I do think she’s really cool. Fuckin’ cute, too...”
“Crud. Want me to back off?” 
“Nah. You know me. I still gotta get more of a feel for her, before committing to anything.” He grins and leans over, elbows on his knees, and can lazily dangling from his non-dominant hand. “She’s really easy to talk to, though. It’s nice. I dunno what it is about her…” Seb’s lips twitch into a lopsided smile, as if he’s trying to hide how much he’s into her already. It’s so obvious. “Maybe it’s ‘cause we have a lot in common, maybe it’s just wishful thinking.”
I grin, shaking my head as I reminisce about this morning. “No, I get ya. She definitely has a… cozy? I guess? kind of vibe to her.” 
Seb sighs, and brings his eyes to mine. “How about this: Whoever gets her first, gets her. That sound fair to you?” 
He reaches out with his free palm to shake mine, wiggling his skinny coder fingers to entice me. Wiggling his eyebrows up and down too. I snort at the motion and go in for the handshake. “It’s a deal.”
“Just don’t try to make it a race. Wouldn’t be fair to (y/n).”
“‘Course not. I’d never.”
“You would,” he playfully rolls his eyes. “It’s literally happened before.” 
“Whateverrr.” 
Our conversation fizzles away, but I can’t bear the silence. Too awkward. “Y’know, I ran into her today. She seemed real into my skating tricks.”
Seb furrows his brows and tilts his head. He teases, “By tricks, do you mean your 80,000 daily kick flips?” 
“Shut up! I know more than just kick flips.”
“Ah. Gotcha. What do you call falling flat on your ass after fucking up a kick flip, then?”
“I didn’t do that!” I did do that.
“Wait, waitwaitwait.” Seb points at me. “Is this your way of trying to brag to me that you hung out with (y/n) some more, and I didn’t?”
“And that she thinks I’m the greatest skater in the world,” I correct him.
“Yikes,” he laughs, “You’re delusionally down bad for a girl you just met. Sooo fuckin’ sad...”
I chug the rest of my cola, just to crumple up the can and throw it at him. He laughs as he swats it away midair. I wish I looked that cool. I gotta seem cool… Oh!
“I saw her midriff and you didn’t.” 
Seb slow-claps, mouth agape. “Wow, you see shoulders too? Didn’t know we were dealing with such a harlot.” 
“Shut up! Her sides and what little of her stomach that I saw are hot, is all I was getting at.”
—SEB POV—
If her stomach’s as nice as her legs are, then he might be onto something… can’t let him know that.
“Good god, Samson,” I murmur. His kryptonite. I accidentally drew out his full name like that once while we dated, and ever since then, he blushes every damn time I replicate it. It’s very useful. “You sound like a pre-teen.”
“D-don’t call me that, dude!” he practically squeals, cheeks ablaze. Told ya. Works like a charm.
“Then stop being a creep. What happens if she wears a bathing suit to the luau next season? You gonna cream your pants?”
“I hope not…”
“Nasty.”
We go along with our usual routine from then-on. Sam and I play some music, order some food, and game for a bit. (Y/n) seems nerdy. I wonder if she’s into any of the same video games that I play... Thinkin’ about the possibility secures me as an easy kill for one of the enemy team members. The final kill, to be exact. When the kill cam exposes me and Sam questions why I’d stopped moving, I just brush it off as if I was zoning out.
Within the hour, I decide to head back home. It’s a bit early, all things considered – only 6 – but I just wanna be alone for a while. I light up a cigarette the second I’m in the front doorframe, earning a mean scowl from Jodi, who’s making her way inside simultaneously. I shoot her a wink as her shoulder bumps my bicep, ‘cause I know she hates ‘em, and then bring my vision forward. As I turn the corner past Emily and Haley’s house, I slow to a halt, eyes landing on a familiarly short figure carrying a takeout bag away from the Stardrop. 
(Y/n)’s wearing a crop top and some baggy gray sweatpants, with black combat boots beneath it all. I wonder if this is what Sam saw her in, too… No wonder he was practically drooling while thinking back at their interaction. She’s stunning. Her hair is down, and looks pretty wet, as if she’d showered before leaving the house and didn’t bother to dry it. 
She’s checking her spoils as she walks. Probably wants to make sure Gus got her order right. My heart skips as (y/n) missteps and nearly wipes out. I silently thank Yoba when (y/n) saves herself, but as she looks around to see if anyone witnessed her near-death experience, she finds me watching her.
Fuck.
I can imagine I look just as awkward as she feels. Her face is completely red, and the poor girl looks like a deer in headlights. I feel heat creep up my cheeks as well, realizing that I still haven’t addressed the fact that I’m just watching her.
“You alright?” I shout, a playful hint in my tone, as I approach. Hoping it’ll ease any of her tension.
“Y-yeah!” she stutters out. 
It sounds like (y/n) tried raising her voice for me to hear, but she just isn’t very good at… being loud, I guess. That, or she’s too shy to speak up more. Cute. She fidgets with the handles of the plastic bag in her hands, and won’t meet my eye now that I’m closer. 
“How are you?” she meekly asks, glimpsing at me for just a second.
I thought she’d nope outta here right away. Hopefully she doesn’t feel obligated to talk, just ‘cause I met up with her. 
“I’m alright,” I grin down at her, even though she isn’t looking. “You?”
She nods. “Me too,” she responds, her lips curling into a smile. She bravely meets my gaze again. Why do I feel proud of her for holding it? “I’m, uh... I’m gonna get going,” (y/n) says. “Had a long day.” “Sure, don’t let me keep ya.” As I walk past her, I wave, and she turns to face me so she can return it. Still looking up at me with her pretty, bright, (e/c) eyes; rosy cheeks; and an adorable, lazy grin. Fuck. “I’ll see you around, (y/n).” 
“See ya, Sebastian.”
Hearing my name roll off (y/n)’s tongue so easily short circuits my brain for a sec. Her voice is so nice. She’s so nice. I’m not used to clicking with someone so easily… It’s not often that I have a strong opinion on someone so soon after meeting ‘em either. 
What is it about this girl that’s so special? 
I run a hand through my hair and heave out a sigh, tossing my finished cigarette into the dirt next to the river. Can’t even do that without feeling guilty anymore. (Y/n) calling me a “litterbug” last night echoes through my mind like my very own shoulder angel. I puff my cheeks, hoping a more exaggerated sigh will relieve me of these feelings. But who am I kidding. I’ve got it just as bad as Sam. I tore him a new one for simping so hard, and now here I am.
When I approach the house, I hear mom call out a greeting to me from her usual evening spot on the mountainside with Demetrius. I return it, and head indoors and down to my room, promptly drowning myself in a module that’s not due ‘til Wednesday. If breathing exercises and a long, scenic walk home won’t help get (y/n) out of my head, then maybe this will.
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oneshotsandheadcanons · 10 months
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Before You Go - Danny Lewis
WATERLOO ROAD S12 SPOILERS
This was literally the only GIF of Danny I could find. Not a request.
Summary: Y/N has been in love for Danny Lewis, since they were kids. She thought she got over them, then he came back. Only three people know the truth, and encourage her to tell him, but will she be able to?
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Another day of school, another day of lying to everyone, well mostly everyone. There was only three people who knew the truth, I have been in love with Danny Lewis for as long as I can remember.
Of course Kai knew, he hadn't picked up on it before, but since Danny came back, he knew instantly. Thankfully, Kai has always been good at secrets, so I knew Danny would never find out.
Samia found out after she began dating Danny, and said she felt sorry. Went as far as to offer to break up with him. I didn't let her of course, Danny's happy with her, that's all I want and Danny needs all the happiness he can get right now.
Val also knows, but leaves me be. She gets my reasons, and just tells me to do what feels right.
Since the whole knife incident, everyone treats him like a criminal, but he's not. He's a good guy who just got mixed up in a bad thing.
I reached my locker, and got out what I needed. I closed my locker to see Kai waiting for me, leaning on the lockers. A common occurrence, I feel like he times it so he arrives as I open my locker.
"Told him yet?" He asked. He and Samia were both desperate for me to tell Danny the truth.
"Like I said last time, and every other time before that. It's not happening. He's happy with Sami, and that's all that matters." I said, as we began to walk. "And before you start, she isn't breaking up with him for me."
"But doesn't he deserve to know?" He asked. "That's what you told me about Preston."
"Completely different Kai. Preston isn't already with someone."
"But he was with me." Great, now Sami is here too, again a daily occurrence. Another one I'm sure was timed.
"But Kai didn't say anything until after you split." I said. As I finished that sentence, I realised what was coming next.
"So let me split up with him."
I stopped, and turned to face both of them. "I said NO! Danny is happy, and that's all that matters. It doesn't matter that it's not with me. He needs all the happiness he can get right now." I told them. "Plus, he doesn't like me so it doesn't matter anyway."
I walked off from them both, I'd had enough. Usually, I'd just endure it, but I can't anymore. Thankfully, Danny isn't back at Waterloo Road yet, so I never ran the risk o him overhearing.
As I sat down in my seat for class, Sami walked past, and dropped something by my seat. As she bent down to pick it up. "If you don't tell him, I'll break up with him anyway."
She moved on before I could respond, and was sat too far away for me to talk to her. Is she serious? I managed to text her, but apparently she was serious.
I sighed, and text her back, telling her I'd do it at the end of the day. Danny was coming here today, but it was important for him. Sami agreed and left me alone.
------------------------------
It had been a hectic day, and it was now late, and I still hadn't told Danny. I decided to go find him. I came across Mr Charles first.
"Hey Mr Charles, have you seen Danny?"
He suddenly became very awkward.
"You haven't heard? He, uh, got caught in a fire, he's in hospital, not sure if he'll make it."
I didn't hear anything else, before running off. We only really had one hospital to deal with something like this, so I already knew where to go.
When I got there, I was able to find Val really quickly. She told me the same as I'd heard from Mr Charles. He was currently unconscious, and really nobody was meant to see him, but she persuaded them to give me a few minutes.
I walked in, he didn't look good at all. It wasn't nice. I wasn't even sure if he'd be able to hear me, but I had to try. I went over to him and held his hand.
"Danny, you're so brave, I always told you that you were a good guy, and today just proves it. Val told me what you did, I'm so proud of you." I told him, it's now or never. "Danny, there's something I need to tell you, wanted to tell you for years. Kai and Sami have been desperate for me to tell you."
A took a deep breath, hoping he couldn't hear me, and I could get away with it.
"I'm in love with you Danny, so in love, I have been since we were kids and I was too scared to tell you. Then you left and I thought that was it, but you came back and so did my love for you. I love you more than anything, so please wake up Danny, please."
I placed a gentle kiss on his forehead before leaving him, heading out to Val. I had tears streaming as I left. She hugged me tight.
"I told him."
I decided to head back to school. He was gonna wake up, he had to. I wanted to see Kai. Thankfully, I bumped into him, Preston and his mum and sister, and Mr Charles.
"Is it true about Danny?" Kai asked Mr Charles. "It can't be."
I could tell by Kai's face that he'd heard something worse. No, please no, he can't be. I need him, he's my best friend.
Mr Charles noticed me. "Kai, Y/N, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry."
I couldn't even speak, A sob left my mouth before I could stop it, then I ran. I didn't know where I was going, but my feet did. I was going to where it happened, where Danny had last been.
I managed to get in, and just sat there, sobbing. It wasn't too long before Kai joined me.
"This won't help."
"I thought he'd be back Kai, he had to be." I said, through sobs. "I need him back. I just told him I loved him, and now I'll never know what happened."
Kai didn't respond, but hugged me whilst we both cried. Then I heard singing. We went outside, to see Noel singing, singing for Danny. A lot of people had stayed, joining in the song. Sami saw me, and beckoned me over. She hugged me, as we both cried over Danny.
A/N: I may do a part 2 of some funeral stuff, or like an alt ending where me lives if anyone wants it?
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Dean Winchester: Embrace (Request)
*Not my gif*
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Paring: Dean X Reader 
Pov: Reader 
Warnings: comfort from dean, hunt gone wrong, reader crying, LOTS OF HUGS, mentions of Sam (Briefly) 
Summary: The reader come back from a hunt gone very wrong, and all she want is to be in Dean’s arms tonight. Once she makes it to the bunker, she falls into dean’s arms, not being able to keep it together anymore. 
Word Count: 2k 
Masterlist 
Tag list: @akshi8278​, @deanswaywardgirl​
This was supposed to be an easy hunt. One and done type of thing, but that ended shortly after I got to the motel. Dean and Sam already out on a hunt, I decide that it wouldn’t hurt anyone if I went out on my own.  
Shooting Dean, a quick message. “Dean, there’s a hunt about an hour away from the bunker. It involves kids, so I’m packed up and leaving in 5. Love Ya.” I sent the message stuffing my phone in my back pocket.  
Buzzing I pulled it out seeing a message from Dean “Ugh, I wish you weren’t going by yourself, but I understand it involves kids. Be safe and text me when you get to the motel. Love Ya sweetheart.” Well, that had gone by much easier than previously thought.  
So, throwing my bag in the passenger seat of on the many cars I drove off to the motel. According to the article children were going missing in the local town. The thought of so many parents being scared and missing their children was eating at me, so I thought I’d at least try to help.  
Quickly I learned that kids were disappearing, most disappeared near an old shut down mental asylum. Something about kids and wanting to search places that clearly had “DO NOT ENTER” signs on them.  
It was still early in the afternoon so I made my way over to the parents of the latest missing child. They wore worried expression on their faces as they say the quick flip of the F.B.I badge.  
In short, they had said that their son had gone out with a few of his friends. Riding bikes and being a destructive teenage boy. For a few moments the image of Dean being that way crossed my mind, internal smiling at the thought.
I had figured that it was probably a ghost based on the rather odd story the parents retold me. Saying that their son had told them about how the light were flickering and, all the sudden it was really cold in the asylum. It’s the middle of summer, so cold spots are definitely more prominent.  
When I made it back to the motel, I made quick work of trying to figure out where the old mental asylum was, grabbing way to cups of coffee, and junk food from the vending machines I worked until at least twelve in the morning.  
I hadn’t ever realized how much the Sam and Dean’s help was. It was nice to have a tech nerd at your disposal, and a heater next to you in bed every night. Once I had fallen asleep at the dirty small kitchen table in the motel, I thought it best to move to the bed and text Dean.  
“Hey baby, I made to the motel a while ago. You know me got caught up in trying to help. Fell asleep trying to research going to sleep now. Good night baby, Love Ya.” I sent before plugging it in to its charger and falling into a deep sleep.  
When I awake the next morning, I looked over to my phone seeing a new message from Dean. “Sleep well sweetheart. We will be home today, keep me in the loop. Can’t wait to see you.” He messaged with a winky face at the end.  
Rolling my eyes, I got out of the crappy, not memory foam bed. Hearing the slightly creaks and cracks of my bones. Thinking that it would probably useless if i grabbed a shower before going on a hunt, so I opted to grab one of deans stolen flannels, my pants, and my boots.  
Once I was officially ready for the day, I went right back into researching. Finally, hours later I had found an old document that just so happened to have to the address of the mental asylum.  
It was a picture of a few nurses, a doctor standing proud in the back, and a gaggle of children in front of the nurses. Around the doctors' neck hung a stethoscope. It read at the bottom of the picture  
‘Doctor Ethan Zingler, Nurse Betty, Nurse Lewis, Nurse Andrea, with the many mentally insane children. Doctor Zingler holding his prized possession his stethoscope.’ “Fuck yes” I screamed. Damn that was dumb luck.  
Quickly grabbing the car keys, I slammed the motel door, making my way over to the car. Again, I shot him another text, “Alright, found the address for this place. Should be an easy fix. Be home soon, Love Ya.” Sending it before starting to pull out of the parking lot.  
When I made it to the mental asylum, the gates lock was broken making it much easier for me. Making my way into the mental asylum it was quiet, giving me an uneasy feeling. A scream grabbing my attention, but when I made it their nothing, nothing was there.  
As I walked around more, trying to find these lost kids. Turning around at one point, I saw a figure of a decomposed older women. Her white nurses outfit torn at her heart, all the sudden instead of staring at me she was full speed running.  
Cutting into one room I lost her, standing there for a minute. Re thinking everything that I looked up, and the parents had told me. It clicked it was ghosts, they were ghouls. This means that everything I had on me wasn’t going to work.  
Hearing the should of many children screaming at once, I ran towards it. I saw the Doctor his stethoscope wrapped around the necks of one of the children, I ran in trying to get a shot in, but before I could I had they two other nurses hold me down, one trying to stick me with a needle. The other had her very decade hand around my neck.  
I watched every single missing child be killed in front of my eyes, once the doctor was done, he turned looking at the two nurses. They let me go and he slow staked over to me, his hand covering my mouth. I reached down in a quick and swift motion grabbing a long machete knife I had attached to the loops of my pants. In two swift movements I sliced the heads of the nurses off. Looking over at the once respected doctor I chopped his head, it landing on the ground.  
Swiping the blade over my thigh, I slipped it back into its case. I walked out of the asylum flipping it the finger. Getting into the car, it was starting to hit me, that I had watched at least 3 kids murdered in front of me. I was here to fix this, to bring them home safely.  
I drove, no music, no running thoughts in my mind. I just drove, when I finally made it back to the motel, I grabbed a quick shower, trying to wipe away the images of them dying, trying not to cry. “Y/n you’re a big girl. You’re a hunter, fuck you’re with a Winchester get it together.”  I said to myself.  
“Hey baby, how is everything? I haven't heard anything in a while. Sam says that I should stop worrying, but you’re my girl. Text me back please.” Dean messaged me.  
Climbing out of the bathroom, I grabbed my phone, my arms barely keeping the towel wrapped around my chest. “Everything is fine. I’m okay honey. I will be home tops 2 hours, Love Ya.” I sent him back.  
If I broke down now, here, I’d never be able to leave. I need to get dress, I need to get home, I need Dean, now. Wrapping another stolen Dean flannel around me, I could just barely smell his leather, and whiskey cologne on his shirt, I pulled up my sweats.  
Grabbing the rest of my stuff, and throw it into the passenger seat. I walked down to the front desk; I gave to women her keys back. Starting the engine to the car this time I turned the radio on, finding a station that reminded me of Dean. “80′s rock coming your way. Now playing ‘AC/DC Back in black” Taking a deep inhale I back out and drove down the street, radio blasting and windows down.  
“Can’t wait to see you sweetheart!” Dean sent a message as I inched closer and closer to the bunker. Finally, I slowed down and drove down the darkly lite drive way that led to the bunkers garage. As I inched closer, I started to break down, I didn’t want to be a disappointment. I didn’t want Dean, or Sam to see me as a failure.  
I could feel the prickle of tears wanting to escape from my eyes, but shook my head and pushed them back in. As I parked the car, I only grabbed my phone, not really in the mood to look or see anything hunting wise.  
Slowly I made my way to the garage door. Stopping as my hand made contact with the cold handle. I reached for a deep breathe, and opened the door. Conversation still going on, I walked past the library hearing both Sam and Dean call my name.
But the idea of facing them, after everything was too much. I heard the scratch of the wooden chair against the floor. I walked into Deans and I shared room, plopping onto the memory foam bed.  
I heard the bedroom door, slowly open “Y/n?” Dean’s voice bounced off the cinder block room. “Y/n? Are you okay?” He said shutting our bedroom door. “Y/n? Are you hurt? If you’re hurt, I can fix you up, but... but you’ve got to tell me.” He said coming closer to me.  
My breathing becoming harder for me to control. Deans hand landing on my hips first. “Y/n please look at me. You’re scaring me.” I couldn’t take it anymore, I moved quickly making Dean lose a bit of balance before his hand wrapped around my mid-section.  
A breath that I didn’t realize I was holding came out, “It’s okay, you can just cry. I’ve got you, sweetheart.” Dean said rubbing circles into my back. “You’ve got me Y/n. You just tell me what happened okay, let me known that us Winchester deal making didn’t rub off on you.” He said a little chuckle at the end.  
“De... Dean I’m so stupid. I let 5 kids die because I di... didn’t know what I was hunting. I watched the gho..uls kill them. De... Dean Please just hold me. Please don’t thi.. think of me any different.” I said, a few hiccups interrupting me from finishing my sentences.  
I felt Dean take a deep inhale, before speaking, “Damn, Y/n why.. You know what you’re so resilient, so brave, you’re no where to being stupid. Me and Sam got the covered for you. It’s okay, I’m so fucking sorry that I wasn’t with you, I’m sorry, but I’m tell you’  
He said pulling me away from his shoulder. Lightly touching my chin, bring my attention to him. Our eye making contact. ‘Y/n I’m telling you that you couldn’t have done anything more then you did. You’re an amazing hunter, an amazing person, you’re prefect Y/n. I don’t to ever hear you say that you’re stupid, or that you think me or Sam will think of you differently because we just won’t. I love you baby” Dean said.  
I reached up to kiss lips, a small, sparked filled kissed. It was as if that kiss was an okay for me. The okay that Dean was being true with me. “Dean, can.. can we just lay together please? I don’t want to let you go just yet” I asked.  
He gave me short smile, and shook his head ‘yes’. “I love you, sweetheart. Get some rest.” He said kissing my temple, “Love Ya too De.”  I said before the tiredness of crying and the beat of Dean’s heart lulled me into a deep and warm sleep.
Completed 02/27/2021 
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fangirlinsweden · 4 years
Text
Nexus part 5
Part 5:  The Truth and Apologizing
Pairing: Steve Rogers x reader, Bucky Barnes x Reader
Warnings: Swearing, Angst, Secrets, talk about death and loss (think that is all)
Word Count: About 3200 words
Summary:  Y/N is a pain in the ass according to Steve. She is brought on to missions sometimes by Fury when they need help, but she is wild and does not listen to orders. She does what she wants. Now Fury has given her a place in the Avengers. And Steve is not liking it. Having to deal with her every day. He hates her. Or does he? And what is Y/N relationship with Bucky? They seem to get closer and closer.
A/N: This takes place after Avengers: Endgame, but Steve never left. Tony and Nat are still alive.
This is written for Gab’s @buckysmischief Birthday Challenge. My prompt is: “Did you bring us here to die?” “Obviously.” “I really can’t tell if you’re being sarcastic or not.”
English is not my native language and I am doing the best I can when it comes to writing.
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“I see you,” Steve smirked. “And the way you are acting with Bucky. If you think Hydra will get their Winter Soldier back you are wrong. Bucky is never ever going back to Hydra” You fisted your hands.  “You are not even going to listen to me explain this?” you growled already knowing the answer. “Why listen to more of your lies?” Steve looks you up and down. “I know that you lived across from me in Brooklyn to get close to me, but that backfired when I thought you were spying on me for S.H.I.E.L.D. when you, in fact, were spying for HYDRA. Then you lost Bucky and you had to find a way to get close to him.” You are so mad at that point that you almost hit him. But the sentence where he thought you were spying on him explains why he started avoiding you all those years before. “Joining the team is the perfect cover to get close to Bucky. And now that the two of you are together you think that flirting with me would make me blind to what you are doing.” Steve gives you one final look before he storms out. Apparently finding pictures has been enough proof that Steve needed it. His mind was set and there was nothing you could do at this point. When you walk over to your box you see that Steve had taken two of your favorite photos with him. You want to run after him and get the photos back, but all your energy drains and you end up sitting on the floor. A tear runs down your face and drops down on your hand with your grandmother's ring. It hurt that a man you had seen as a hero your entire childhood up until now thought you were Hydra. At least Bucky knew the truth and deep inside you hoped that that would be enough. To get back from eating breakfast and finding Steve looking through your private things had not been who you had thought this day would be. Apparently yesterday's mission scared Bucky, so he wanted to come clean about the two of you to the entire team. He just wanted to tell Steve first, in private. Bucky had probably been looking for Steve while Steve was looking through your photos. Looking around your room, you did no longer feel at home. You feel violated. Maybe you should move back to your apartment? A picture of your grandmother and grandfather in Central Park caught your eye. You picked it up and knew exactly what to do. After packing up all the pictures and letters Steve had tossed out you closed the lid of the box and walked out of your room. 
One hour later you walked over to the two gravestones that were put up for the four most important people in your life.  “Hello Mom and Dad you said to the gravestone on the left that read:
‘Mary Williamson Y/L/N  Born July 9, 1955 Died November 8, 2004  “A life of beauty and service”
‘James Steven Y/L/N  Born April 4, 1952 Died August 29, 2007  “Brave in spirit, Strong in love”’
“Hello Grandpa and Grandma” you said to the gravestone to the right that read:
‘Lewis Y/L/N  Born May 4, 1920 Died February 5, 2008.  "If I could do it all again, I wouldn't change a thing."’
‘Rebecca “Becca” Barnes Y/L/N  Born September 21, 1922 Died January 10, 2011  "I hate to leave you all behind, but we'll meet again one day."’
You sat down in front of the two graves and felt a kind of peace.  “It all went to hell and I don’t know what to do,” you whisper and feel the tears in your eyes. “I miss you more than you will ever know.” And then you let it all out. 
At the compound Steve had gone to his room for a while before talking to Bucky. Seeing Y/N’s face when he told her he knew she was a member Hydra had put some doubt in his mind, but at the same time there could be no other truth. She had to be Hydra. After a few minutes of peace he went to find Bucky, still holding two of Y/N pictures. Eventually he finds Bucky in the Gym working out. Bucky is spotting Sam who is lifting weights. “Hey, I was looking for you before,” Bucky started to say and was planing on continuing, but something about the look on Steve’s face stopped him. “We need to talk,” Steve says with his arms crossed over his chest and a face that showed no emotions.  “So talk,” Bucky says and looked at Sam. “Not here,” Steve tries.  “Why not?” Sam wonders looking at Steve. “We need to talk about Y/N” Steve is still holding the pictures behind his back. “Whatever you have to say about her you can say here,” Bucky insists and Steve groans. He feels himself get riled up and there is no way to contain the words that he needs to get out. “Y/N is Hydra,” Steve almost yells. There are several bangs around the gym and Sam stands up and crosses his arms. Bucky’s eyes are big. “What did you say?” Sam glares at Steve. “She is Hydra,” Steve gets out again, a bit lower this time. “I have proof.” He hands Bucky the photo’s. Sam pears over at the photos and just shakes his head. “She is not HYDRA,” Bucky roars and Steve takes a step back. He makes a gesture to the pictures in Bucky’s hand. “Your absolute idiot,” Sam shakes his head at Steve. Nat, Wanda, Clint and Tony are walking towards them in the gym looking everything but happy. Steve swallows. “Y/N is my family,” Bucky shoves Steve.  “Just because she has lured you into falling in love with her does..” Steve is interrupted by Nat slapping him in the face. Bucky is read in the face. “I am not in love with Y/N. She is Becca’s granddaughter,” Bucky yells. Steve feels all blood leave his face. What had he done? And why had he not seen that. That explains so many things. Not all, but so much. Bucky drops the photos on the floor and moves towards Steve. “What did you do?” Bucky is standing nose to nose with Steve. The rest is surrounding him.  “And how did you get these photos?” Nat wonders as she picks them up. Steve swallows. “I saw the wooden box in her room and opened it,” Steve whispers. “She found me looking through them and I told her what I thought about her.” Bucky pushes Steve away from him and runs out of the gym. Steve looked after him. “You are an asshole,” Wanda shakes her head. “I could hit you again,” Nat’s eyes are almost black now. Clint has his hand on her shoulder and it is like that is the only thing that is keeping her from hurting him. “You should have come to me,” Tony sighs. “I have known who she is the entire time.” “Then why did you not say anything?” Steve demanded to know. “Because it was her secret,” Tony crossed his arms over his chest. “It is her life and she has to decide when she was ready to share it.” “Exactly,” Sam agrees. “Wait, how many of you knew the truth,” Steve looked at his teammates. “Only Nat and Tony. But the rest of us had our guesses,” Wanda looked at the other who nodded.  “So nobody more than me thought Bucky and Y/N were in a relationship,” Steve was starting to feel more and more bad. “Or that she could be Hydra.” “Nope,” Sam answered. “And you do know that she is friends with about every hero in at least 1000 miles radius?” “Mmmhh,” Steve mutters. That was not something that was on his mind right now. He needed to talk with Bucky and apologize to Y/N. He scratched his neck. “You do realise that most of those people will want to kick you ass when they find out about this,” Sam smirks. Steve swallows and looks around.  “Shit,” He crocs out.   Tony nods and walks away. Nat and Wanda walk away as well, but not before Nat give’s Steve one more of her killer stares. Steve looked at Sam. He had no idea how he would solve things or if he even could solve it. 
You hear someone coming up behind you. It puts you on alert until you hear his voice. “Y/N,” Bucky almost whispers.  “Hey, Bucky,” you turn around and look at him. “You remembered.” Bucky sat down beside you looking at the grave of his sister and her husband and the grave of his nephew with his wife. You had told Bucky that you went to the cemetery when you needed someone to talk to. Even if you were just talking and never got answered it was as you had your parents and grandparents there beside you. “Yeah,” Bucky scratched his neck. “I should have brought flowers.”  “Next time,” you leaned your head against his shoulder. Bucky clears his throat. You knew what was coming next. “Steve..” Bucky started but you lifted a hand. “I know what he told you,” You whispered and felt the tears threatening to start falling again. “I don’t want to talk about it.” “I set him straight,” Bucky put his arm around your shoulder. “I still can’t believe my best friend would think something like that.” “Bucky, I really don’t want to talk about this,” You sigh and play with your grandmother's ring. “Sweetheart, we need to talk about it,” Bucky kissed your forehead.  “No, we really do not,” you say firmly. “This is my fault,” Bucky sigh. “No, it’s not. This is Steve’s fault,” You stand up and start pacing. “He could just have asked, not accused. He has been treating me like shit for years now. Just because he had made some assumptions and never got them checked out. This is just the icing on the cake.” Bucky looked up at you and let you rant. Then he tilted his head. “You have feelings for him,” Bucky blurted out. That made you stop and look down at the ground. Not really knowing what to say. “No comment,” was all you could come up with and it made Bucky cuckle.  “Sweetheart,” Bucky stood up and took a hold of your left hand. “I understand if all of this makes you want to stop being an Avenger.” “Stop being an Avenger,” you snort. “No chance in hell will Steve’s behaviour make me want to stop that. I am stronger, smarter and wiser than letting a man chase me away from my life.” Bucky nods and smiles.  “Atta girl,” Bucky pulled you close and hugged you. “Let’s get back to the compound.” You nodded, closed the lid on your wooden box and lifted it. Bucky nodded towards the box and when you nodded he took it under one arm and he put the other arm around you.  “Where is your car?” Bucky wondered. “I got a ride from a friend, so no car,” you said and Bucky lifted a brow. You smiled at him, but did not elaborate.  “Then you can ride back with me,” Bucky concluded and walked over to black BMW. A car you know that Tony owned. You hoped into the front seat and Bucky secured your wooden box in the back seat, before he took the driver seat. “I know you don’t want to talk about it,” Bucky admitted. “But you know that you will have to face Steve at some point.” You sink a bit further down your seat.  “I know,” you sighed. “But I will deal with it.” “Good,” Bucky reached over and took your hand. “Just know I am on your side in this.” That made you smile, then frown. “Whatever he did,” you sit up a bit straighter when the compound came into view. “He is still  your best friend and like a brother to you. I don’t want to do anything to destroy that.” Bucky looked down at your hands for a quick look. “What he did and said to you is not easily forgiven,” Bucky sighed. “Even if I know I will forgive him eventually, does not mean you are less important to me. You are still my family and I want you in my life.” This brings tears to your eyes. Bucky saw you as family. A warm feeling spreads in your body and it makes you smile.  Bucky parked the car in the garage and went out of the car. You sit there for a minute taking a deep breath. Bucky opens your car door and holds out his hand, under the other arm he has your wooden box. “Ready?” his smile makes you feel confident. “Yeah,” You say and take his hand. Together you walk to the living quarters of the compound. 
Steve saw Bucky driving the car into the grounds at the compound and that Y/N was with him. He knew that he needed to talk to them. After a while he heard their voices coming toward him and he got ready to talk to the two of them. He had a whole speech ready to go. But when it was only Y/N that came into the kitchen, no Bucky. She stopped the moment she saw him there, but then she walked over to the fridge and took out two water bottles, without as much as look at him again. Steve cleared his throat but still no reaction from Y/N. “Y/N,” Steve started and his mind was blank. His speech had been to both Bucky and Y/N and now that she was standing here in front of him he had no words. She did not turn but started to look through the pantry. “Y/N,” Steve tried again, but she took out a bar of chocolate and placed it on the counter. It made him irritated that she did not care that he was trying to talk with her. How was he supposed to apologize if she did not even look at him? Before he knew what he was doing he had walked over there and tapped her against the counter. She turned to look at him with a stone face.  “I am trying to talk with you,” Steve almost growled.  “I don’t care what you have to say to me,” Y/N snarled at him. “I think you said enough a couple of hours ago.” “Y/N,” Steve growled this time. Y/N yawned. “Do you really think this caveman behaviour will get me to listen to anything you have to say,” Y/N looked down at her nails. Steve felt himself lose control. “I am the leader of this team,” He bellowed. “You will listen to me.” “All I see is a toddler having a tantrum because he can’t get what he wants,” Y/N sassed and stood on her toes so she was almost eye to eye with the angry Steve. “What the hell is going on in here?” Bucky shouted when he walked into the room. “Steve!” That made Steve take a step back and Y/N took the water and the chocolate and walked over to Bucky. “Y/N, I am trying to apologize,” Steve got out. Y/N looked at him.  “No you are not,” She shook her head. “You are trying to bully me into talking to you and forgiving what you said.” With that she walked away. Steve started to walk after her but Bucky stopped her. “Leave her alone,” Bucky demanded. “I am her Captain,” Steve grunted. “I can’t leave her alone. We need to sort this out so I know she can be professional out in the field.” “I have the utmost respect for her ability to compartmentalise and be an asset out in the field.” Bucky snorted. “And if there is anyone who needs to check his professionalism it is you going through her room and acting like a jerk.” Bucky turned around and walked away. Steve stood there looking after his best friend.  “Fuck,” Steve sighed at the same time as Tony walked into the kitchen. “Did you just say a bad word?” Tony smirked but when he saw Steve’s face the smirk disappeared. “I take it the conversation with Y/N and Bucky did not work so well,” Tony patted Steve’s back. “No,” Steve hung his head. “I think I made it worse.” Tony took out a water bottle from the fridge.  “You know,” Tony started then stopped. Steve looked over at him. “My father once told me that an apology needs to be as loud as the disrespect was.” Then he left the room. “How am I going to be able to do that?” Steve said to the room, but since there was nobody there the only answer he got was silence. Steve goes to his room hoping a good night sleep will give him the answers.
The next morning Steve is not sleepy even a minute and he still has no idea how to fix things. His last resort is to google it. And there it is. The best apology in the world. Flowers. He tried to think of a flower that could help him. Red roses felt wrong, those were romantic and apologizing was not romantic. Sunflowers came to mind. Sunny and happy. Steve ran out of his room and took a car to the nearest flower shop and ordered a large bouquet of sunflowers.  Then he hurried back to the compound and walked right up to Y/N door and started to knock. He heard movement inside and then the door opened to Y/N standing there in only a pair of pj shorts and a tank-top.  “What the hell are you doing here?” She grumbles and Steve just hands her the flowers.  “I wanted to apologize,” Steve scratch his neck. “The flowers are a part of my apology. So hmm.. I am sorry.” She starts to laugh and shake hear head. Steve just looks at her. What is happening? Why is she laughing?
There was a frenetic knocking on your door. You wish that it would just go away, but it seemed to only get louder. Sighing you stand up and walk over to the door. The sight outside your door was not what you had ever thought you would see. Steve in crumpled cloths and a big bouquet of sunflowers.  “What the hell are you doing here?” You ask even if you don’t really want to know. All you wanted to do was yell at him for waking you up. It had been a late night the day before since  Bucky and you had ended up going through all of the pictures in your box and you had told him everything that he had missed that included your family. Steve handed you the bouquet. “I wanted to apologize,” Steve said, but he did not really look apologetic. He looked nervous. “The flowers are a part of my apology. So hmm.. I am sorry.” The look on his face and the flowers, it just got to much. You started to laugh. Was he fucking serious? He thought that could be taken as an sincere apology and flowers.. Nope. You handed the flowers back. “Take those before I stick them somewhere the sun does not shine,” you sass at him and close the door in his face. It was oddly satisfying and you crawl down in your bed again.
Steve stood there with his moth hanging open and the flowers back in his arms. What had just happened? He hears a chuckles from the vent over him. “Barton, get down here,” Steve sighs. Clint jumps down beside hi and pat him on his back.  “Thank you for today's laugh,” Clint smirked and start to walk away. “What did I do wrong?” Steve wondered and Clint shrugs and walk away.  “Clint, please,” Steve walked after him.  “Do you really think that sunflowers is a worthy apology for going through someones personal things and accusing someone of being a member of Hydra?” Clint left Steve standing there. Steve looked down at the flowers in his arms, maybe he needed something more expensive. Something more. Steve could not find the words for what he needed,  but he knew where to find it. Google. That sight seemed to have every answer.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Everything Taglist:
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wrctings · 4 years
Text
Dick Winters x reader | The best way to recover
for all of my fellow soft dick winters stans 🧡
“Is being mess officer that horrible?” Nixon asked lightly, trying to get a smile out of his friend as he made his way through the kitchen, avoiding army cooks to join Winters.
As usual, the clinking melody of cutlery knocking together was reverberating through the room, bouncing off the walls and mingling with the voices of the men whom avidly scraped their ration of food off their plates, which had somehow led the atmosphere of dinnertime to become congenial over months. After the long hours of draining, at first even almost unbearable preparation that they endured daily, the soldiers of the 506th had started to form a bond that not only got them through the toughest of training sessions, but also manifested whenever they were bestowed a bit of free time. In between running to exhaustion, teasing and munching on flavourless beans together, camaraderie was growing day after day among Easy Company.
“I’d rather not be here right now,” Dick replied shortly, only giving the brunet officer a brief glance before his eyes drifted back toward the window pane. As a Lieutenant, the redhead was accustomed to watching over his men with care, even moved as he witness their efforts bear fruit and theirs friendships grow tighter, but on that evening his thoughts and attention were directed toward something else — someone else, rather. As the pouring rain drummed outside, accounting for the definite arrival of Autumn’s brisk weather and carpets of brown leaves, what Dick would have otherwise considered appeasing had now become the cause of his worry, distracting his diligence from the task that Sobel had given him when he designated him mess officer. 
“Dick, what’s happening?” Lewis frowned, sensing that the other man’s tone smacked of particular concern — he could tell that something was off by the hardened look on Winters’s face, the officer pacing up and down without truly acknowledging what was happening all around. 
“Sobel made Y/n run Currahee right before dinner. Guarnere and Toye went with them, but they’re not back yet.” 
“Shit, it’s pouring out there,” Nixon cursed under his breath, shaking his head at the news. He now understood his friend’s state of mind much better, knowing how much you meant to him. “How long?”
“Twenty minutes. They should be back soon,” Winters’s gaze was shifting from the window to the door, the man intensely hoping that you and your two companions in misfortune would finally show up at last. 
“They’ll be okay,” Nixon put a hand over Dick’s shoulder, giving him a few comforting pats. “They’ve run that mountain dozens of times.” 
“I know, Nix, but have you seen the weather? We don’t need soldiers falling ill now,” Winters added roughly, in sharp contrast with the composure of his usual behaviour. 
“Dick, Y/n is a good soldier,” Nixon spoke in a quieter voice, understanding that Dick was most of all worried about your well-being. “And they’re with Guarnere and Toye, the three of them can help each other out.” 
“Yeah.” The redhead eventually nodded, turning around to get a glimpse at the other officer. “Why did he made them run the forsaken mountain now...,” he muttered, jaw clenching as his eyes narrowed. 
Lewis’s lips parted, the man about to agree on the deplorable nature of Sobel’s methods, but before he had time to lash out at their Commending Officer the door finally swung open and ricocheted off the wall, revealing three panting figures. Soaked to the bone, Bill, Joe and you stepped inside, getting your helmets off as you took in the warmth of the room, shivering in your drenched gear. 
Soldiers cheered as you walked up to the kitchen, giving you pats on the back and congratulating you for getting through the task, to which Joe was bitterly swearing that he would “always hate that son of b*tch” and Bill grunted by your side, sharing your exhaustion. You couldn’t have been more grateful for your friends’ presence, Guarnere and Toye following you in solidarity after Sobel had commanded that you run Currahee, but you didn’t feel like you had enough remaining strength to join Toye in his breathless attacks against your CO. All you could strive for at that moment were a hot meal and a place to collapse in, your legs threatening to cave in with every additional step — while braving the downpour your equipment had felt heavier than ever, painfully weighing down on you for miles. 
When he saw you come in Dick’s first instinct was to rush up to you, attempting to help out best he could, but the interdiction to surrender his post in the kitchen left the ginger-haired man no choice but to helplessly watch you get a plate of beans and bread, then taking a seat alongside Toye and Guarnere with your uniform wet and hair sticking to your skin as you took a hasty mouthful of food. You hardly payed attention to anything around you, trying to stop yourself from shaking while filling your empty stomach with the lukewarm beans that you had been served, feeling Bill also quiver beside you.
The time to depart came after you had just finished eating, the company being ordered out of the canteen. Rushing out as fast as possible to find shelter without getting sodden in the rain, the men rapidly emptied the room, leaving no one but Dick, Nixon and the cooks behind; the First Lieutenant still having to face their CO before he was free to go, Lewis disappeared just in time for Lt. Sobel to march up to Winters, requiring his daily report. In the meantime, you headed back to the barracks, eager to get a change of clothes and finally be able to have a break — after this evening, you couldn’t wait to tumble upon your bed, your sore muscles sending you clear signals that they demanded to rest. 
However, an unexpected visit awaited you a short while later. As you were carried forward amidst the flood of soldiers — everybody willing to take refuge from the icy droplets of rain piercing their skin with coldness —, you caught a glimpse of a figure coming toward you from the side, making way among the company. Soon enough, the blurred lines turned into a familiar shape, then becoming clearer as the man got closer to you, and in a few seconds Lt. Winters stood at the side of the crowd you were part of. His dark green iris fixed upon you, he made a small movement of the head when you met his gaze, as though asking if you could join him. After quickly looking around to be certain that your retreat wouldn’t be noticed, you slowed down, letting men overtake you, and stepped to the side until you found yourself close enough to Dick.
You strode away from the barracks without a word, but you rapidly recognised the direction you were taking — it wasn’t long until you reached the officers’ lodgings, the building’s outline illuminated by a beam of light flickering through the windows. Opening the door, Dick let you in first before closing it behind the two of you, making sure that no one had seen you leave together; Nixon and Harry were visibly missing as well, probably enjoying a game of cards in the headquarters.
The redhead immediately went to his footlocker afterwards, not even bothering to take his side cap off as he rummaged through the piece of furniture, and only spoke after he handed you the blanket which he had retrieved. You took it gratefully, teeth still chattering in spite of the warmer temperature of the room.
“How are you? I learnt that Sobel sent you off after you had already left...” he let you know apologetically, helping you unbutton your wet uniform.
“Cold,” you gave him an honest answer, resting the blanket on the bed nearby while starting to get your soaked clothes off. “But Bill and Joe made it a lot easier.”
“Still, ordering you to run Currahee by yourself in that weather..” Dick harsh voice however broke off as he was about to enlarge upon his disapproval of Sobel, deciding at the last moment that it wasn’t worth it — he would much rather focus on you.
Kneeling, he unlaced your boots, your own fingers being too numb to get a firm grip on the shoelaces, and went back to his footlocker while you took off the shirt that you were wearing under your uniform; it hadn’t been spared from the rain, unpleasantly clinging onto your body and sending chills down your skin. Dick then handed you the sweater, trousers and socks that he had taken out while politely looking away — which you always found irresistibly sweet since you were in relationship and had been intimate before —, leaving you all the needed time to change into dry clothes. Only when you were done did he finally came close to you again, the worry that had been painted over his face slightly alleviated now that you were safely shut away from the rain and cold.
“Is it better now?” Winters inquired caringly, his heart swelling as he couldn’t tear his eyes away from the sight of you in his clothes, fitting too big for your smaller frame. It was as though he had given you a real part of him, aside from the discreet kisses and affectionate words that you had to find a way to exchange throughout the day.
Dick greatly admired your strength — the way you held your head up, kept your spirits firmly focused even though your first months in the army had been rough since you had to constantly prove your worth to the men —, but the intimacy that had developed between the two of you allowed him to see another side of you, just like you could access another side of him. With you, he was not afraid to be himself — he was not afraid to care, because you cared too, and understood. And you were not afraid to let your guard down — to let him help you, just like you also helped him.
“It’s so much better. Thank you, Dick.” You gave the redhead a touched smiled, deeply grateful for the trouble he put himself into just to make you feel better. “Hey, you haven’t even taken the time to take care of yourself,” you then added in soft indignation, it being your turn to look after him. You reached for his side cap, cautious not to wrinkle it, and folded it neatly while Dick took off his jacket.
The Lieutenant ran a hand through his hair, quickly fixing it, and gave you a smile that revealed the creases happiness shaped around his eyes. Although you ought not to be seen inside the officiers’ barracks, such an intrusion being formally forbidden, for once Dick couldn’t have payed less attention to the rules — if risk was the price to pay for spending time with you, he would assume it.
“You must be tired, I’m sorry if I’m cutting your hours of sleep shorter,” Winters still apologised, getting up to hang your wet uniform so it dries out overnight. “I didn’t want to let you go like that.” He sat back down, taking your cold hands into his, warming them up. “I’ve missed you.”
“Me too, Dick,” you squeezed his fingers, a strong, fuzzy feeling coating the inside your chest while you were peering into the man’s eyes, their pale greenness reminding you of everything safe and loving. At the end of the day, after bullets had miraculously flown by and spared your life, Winters was always whom you came back to — though so far away from home, you had found something in him that couldn’t be immured between four walls. 
“Come here,” the redhead added, gently inviting you into his embrace as he opened his arms, and you ensconced yourself right up against him, pecking his lips tenderly before you rested your head against his chest. In spite of the barrier of cloth that the Lieutenant’s uniform represented, you could hear the beating of Dick’s heart, each of its pulsions holding onto the frail life that you all tried to preserve from the brutal grasp of death. You tried to keep the thought of it away from your mind as much as possible, standing by the same principles as the ginger-haired officer. In the field, you didn’t have time to mourn; and outside of it, time was too precious to attempt predicting the breath that the following day would suck out out of one of your fellow soldiers. Although the both of you had at first tried to fight it, thinking ahead about what devastating consequences falling in love would bring be one of you killed in combat, you couldn’t have come as far as you had without each other. Even the most violent of human struggles hadn’t managed to turn your heart into the same steel that made up your bayonets. 
“Aren’t Nixon and Harry going to come back?” you whispered regretfully, your fingers mindlessly running through the slightly damp hair at the back of Dick’s head.
“I asked them to wait for a bit.” Winters gave you an implicit answer followed by a little smile, stroking your forearms as he kissed you on the cheek. “They’re busy playing games and gambling anyway.”
“I see,” you smiled back, closing your eyes as you let yourself go all against Dick, the regular rising of his torso lulling you as you felt much warmer, your preceding running of Currahee now already seeming like a distant memory. 
It was in each other’s arms that the two of you eventually dozed off, soothed by the fluttering rhythm of the rain pounding against the windows of the barracks and the cosiness that enfolded you, making you hope for many more evenings like this. Even on the chilliest and most straining of days, the space between Dick Winters’s arms was a place for your heart to rest in. 
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Saorsa, Chapter 22
A/N  Here is the next installment of Saorsa.  At long last, after dragging things out for 21 chapters (21!), I’m finally sending Jamie and Claire on their honeymoon, with all the bow-chicka-wow-wow that implies.  Although it’s pretty tame, by my smut standards.  Why am I still writing?  Go read it!
Rather than link to all previously posted chapters, I’ll just direct those of you wanting to catch up on your Saorsa-reading to my AO3 page, where the fic is posted in its entirety.
Thank you to each of you liking and reblogging!  It does my little fanfic writer’s heart good.
The honeymoon was Claire’s idea.  After two weeks of painfully polite coexistence in which she felt they were both acting the parts of a newly married couple for an audience of two, she suggested the getaway.   Jamie had never heard of such a thing.  She insisted time spent cloistered away from their everyday lives was now the norm for newlyweds, and he begrudgingly agreed.   They left as soon as Murtagh returned from his visit home to the Isle of Lewis.
Jamie was an uneasy automobile passenger, and he refused to learn how to drive, so it was Claire who navigated onto the ferry that crossed the narrow channel to the Isle of Skye.
“Are you alright?” she asked as Jamie clutched the door handle in a white knuckled grip.
“Aye.  Jus’ no’ fond of ships, is all,” he answered, eyes pointed out the windshield as though he could bring the looming island closer with the strength of his stare.
“Just a few more minutes, an duine agam,” she assured, taking his clammy right hand in her left.
“Who’s been teachin’ ye Gàidhlig, Sassenach?” he asked, distracted from imminent sea sickness.
“Murtagh.  Just a few words, here and there.  I thought it would be useful, so I could speak it to the baby once he or she is born.”   As it usually did, her free hand came to rest on the softly rounded swell of her belly when she spoke of her child.
There was silence from the passenger’s seat.  She glanced over only to be met by a look of stunning intensity.  She felt naked before so much bridled emotion, but she could not break away.  The only movement between the two of them was the clenching of a muscle high in his jaw.
“Claire, I…”
Whatever Jamie was about to say, it was interrupted by the shunt of the ferry as it met the shore.  They both looked away, and the moment was gone.
The drive to their inn at Dunvegan was shrouded in low-lying clouds.  She could just make out the lower slopes of mountains robed in snow.  Jamie had once again fallen silent but seemed content to gaze at the passing scenery.  She parked carefully on the side of the main road in the tiny village, just two lines of tidy single-story stone cottages, a café and their inn.  
Jamie rose awkwardly from the car and stretched before walking to the boot to gather their shared suitcase.  As he did, a pair of women exited a nearby cottage, talking in loud, animated voices.   He froze, then spun around.
The women turned right at the pavement and continued walking and chatting.  Seeing the tall, handsome red-haired man standing near their path, they both uttered a polite “feasgar math” before continuing on their way.
“Feasgar math,” he responded belatedly, bowing slightly at the waist out of habit.  He turned around, slack-jawed, as the scene came into sharper focus.  The signage above the café and inn was in Gaelic.   There were horseshoes hung above every door and tartan decorations festooned a nearby fence.   Sheep bleated from the fields beyond.  Apart from their car and another parked across the street, nothing in view would have been out of place two centuries before.
She stepped onto the pavement beside Jamie and touched his chest.
“You see?  The Highland culture did not die.  It fled, far to the north and over the sea, but it survived.  Here,” she gestured around them.  “And here,” pressing her hand against his breastbone.  “It takes something tremendously resilient to face that sort of hardship and endure.”
Jamie’s mouth moved, but no sound came out.  She could see that he was struggling against tears.
“Come on.  Let’s check into our room, and then you can show me around.”
The matronly innkeeper greeted them in a waterfall of Gaelic, to which Jamie answered in kind.  He seemed taller suddenly, although perhaps it was the low, timber-beamed ceiling that made him appear so.   She heard him say “Claire Fraser, mo bhean”, while looking at her with pride.
If the innkeeper thought it strange that the tall Scot and his obviously pregnant English wife were making heart-eyes at each other across her lobby, she did not let on.  She led them up a steep stairwell into a hallway so low that Jamie had to duck to avoid banging his head.  At one end was a gabled room with a merry fire already lit.  It wasn’t large, having room for just an immense four-posted bed, two wooden chairs facing the fire, and a window with views across the slate roofs to the slate-grey sea beyond.
Thanking their hostess and promising to come downstairs later for tea, they stood facing each other from across the room with nervous expressions.  It was strange.  They had shared the laird’s bed chamber in the days since their wedding, but the idea of being alone in this strange room felt more intimate.  There were no routines or distractions to mask the fact that they were now man and wife.
Jamie spent an inordinate amount of time placing their luggage on a low stool, and then stared out the window like he was searching for answers.
“Did you want to take a walk down to the castle?” she suggested timidly.
“Aye,” he agreed eagerly.  “Tis a braw day for a ramble.”
She glanced at the fine drizzle that had begun to fall, shrugged and grabbed her Macintosh.
**
Jamie was like a giddy schoolboy upon entering the ancestral seat of Clan MacLeod.  The castle itself was not open to visitors, but they had the grounds to themselves.  He capered about the battlements, pointing out one feature after another.
“What eejit built those turrets?  They’re no’ big enough for a wee lad to enter, ne’er mind a marksman,” he commented, looking up at the main stronghold’s façade.
“I imagine they were added recently, merely for decoration,” she replied, smiling at his outraged tone.  “I understand the current Chief Macleod made significant improvements, prior to the war.”  Jamie replied with a truly Scottish noise that expressed dubiousness and concession in a single, guttural sound.   He spun around, taking in the whole view.
“I always heard it was the bonniest castle in all of Scotland, but I dinna believe it.  Now that I see it wi’ my own eyes, weel…”  Jamie scuffed his boot on the gritty rock, looking guilty for a moment.  “I still prefer Lallybroch, ye ken, but this, this is…” he trailed off, at a loss for words.
Jamie face grew pensive, a deep furrow bisecting his brow.
“What is it?” she asked, stepping closer.
“It’s only… Tormod MacLeod fought on the side of the English at Culloden.  I didna ken it at the time, but I read in yer husband’s books that the MacLeod attacked the lands of Jacobite supporters after the Rising, causing much suffering.  And yet here their laird abides, twa hundred years on, while the Frasers are nought but names on graves…”
She stepped towards him, wrapping an arm carefully around his broad back.
“Listen to me, James Fraser.  You fought bravely for a cause that you believed in, even though you knew the odds were overwhelmingly against you.  There is honour in that, and honour is stronger than any castle wall.   Also, you are my husband now.  I’d thank you to remember that.”
He wrapped an arm around her slim shoulders in return.   “Duly noted, Sassenach.”
They stood there in the drizzle, leaning slightly into each other until she interrupted the moment with a vital clarification.
“Oh, and Jamie?  I never said that a laird lived in this castle.”
He leaned back to gaze at her face, eyebrows lowered in confusion.
“Flora MacLeod of MacLeod, twenty-eighth clan chief of the MacLeod since her father passed away in 1935.”  She grinned smugly, watching the perplexity transform to amazement on his expressive face.  He let forth a burst of laughter.
“Dhia, I hope she looks fairer in a kilt than Tormod.  That man was a hairy beast.”
**
After a light meal of crusty bread, sheep’s milk cheese, dried sausage, and tea for Claire (“why do ye English insist on polluting water wi’ wee leaves, Sassenach?”), they retired to their room to warm themselves in front of the fire.
Jamie was quiet again, pulling at his lip as he stared into the flames.  She sensed he was working something through in his mind and gave him room for silence.  She allowed the warmth and crackling pop of green logs lull her into a state of suspended awareness.
“I havena been entirely truthful wi’ ye, Sassenach, and tis vexing me greatly,” Jamie began without taking his eyes from the fire.   Her stomach dropped, trying to imagine what fact was so awful that even his absolute candor bowed to the demand that it remain unspoken.
“When I asked ye tae be my wife, I told ye it was on account of yer bairn, how t’would be… practical for me tae be its Da, and tae help ye in the running of Lallybroch.”
“Yes.  I remember,” she said hesitantly.  “It’s a little late for second thoughts, Jamie.  The Catholic Church isn’t any fonder of divorce than they were two hundred years ago...”
“Ifrinn.  That’s no’ what I mean at all.  Christ, Claire, would ye let a man speak for once!”  He rose and began pacing the small room in tight circles.  His speech hurried to catch the cadence of his steps.
“Tis no’ that the reasons I gave were untrue.  Tis just that t’werenna the only ones.  No’ even the main one.  I asked ye tae be marrit, weel, because I wanted tae be yer husband.”
Running out of words, he stopped near the bed and looked at her.  At his apparent inability to continue, she ventured, “You are my husband, Jamie.  And I’m very grateful for…”
“No’ a husband in body.  Only a husband in name.”
“Oh,” she breathed.  “Oh!”  She felt her cheeks reddening, even warmer than the glow of the fire.  “Are you saying that you would want to be a husband… in body… to me?”
“Aye.  Och, look at ye, Sassenach.  What man wouldna want tae lie wi’ ye?  I’m only mortal.”
She tried to imagine how she looked to Jamie.  She was wearing a practical cotton dress, cut a little loose to accommodate her expanding waist.  Her cheeks were no doubt flushed from the walk in the rain, the fire, and Jamie’s sudden revelation.  She was certain her head was surrounded by a veritable Gorgon of curls.
His confession expelled, Jamie was once again able to meet her eyes, and what she saw there ignited a spark inside her that she was certain had been extinguished forever.  She rose gracefully and made her way to where he was standing.  In her stocking feet, she had to look up into his face. When she did, she felt electricity prickle her skin.
“Well, it is our honeymoon.  I suppose it would be the… traditional thing to do.”
Her hand came to rest on Jamie’s damp linen shirt.  Underneath, she could feel his heat and the tremor of muscles held tightly in check.  A broad palm cupped her hip.
“I dinna mean this verra minute, Claire.  Ye can take yer time tae consider.   And wi’ the bairn…”
She ignored him, plucking gently at the fabric.  “Your shirt is damp.  You’ll catch a chill.  You should hang it… by the fire…” she finished as he disposed of the offending clothing in a single move.  Her hand now was free to rest against bare, gold-hued flesh.  
She paced a tight circle around his body, stopping behind him where the firelight and shadows emphasized the lacerated surface of his back.  Jamie’s shoulders stopped rising and falling as he held his breath, obviously nervous for his scars to be so closely observed.  Before he could comment or grow restive, she pressed a careful kiss along his spine, teasing her fingertips over the sensitive skin of his flank as she completed her turn.
“Yer dress is wet as weel, Sassenach.  I wouldna wish ye tae fall ill.”  His voice, deep normally, was positively cavernous, pulling her pulse deep into her belly.
She spun away and lifted her hair from her neck, presenting the zipper.  After a moment’s pause, Jamie’s fingers fluttered across her nape.
“What do I do?” he asked in an entirely different tone.  Gone was his brash confidence, and she reminded herself anew that he was only twenty-two, five years her junior, and came from a world unaffected by modern notions of love or sex.  Not wanting to embarrass him by calling attention to his inexperience, real or perceived, she determined that if Jamie was in want of guidance, he’d ask.   As he had just done.
“You pull downwards on the little tab.  It’s called a zipper,” she whispered back.  A metallic tearing noise, and her dress loosened.  Moist breath blew against the tiny hairs of her back, causing them to rise in greeting.
“Verra practical wee fastening, Sassenach,” he muttered as the garment cleaved in two, held up by the precarious slopes of her shoulders.
She turned back to him, and the sparks in his eyes rivalled those in the hearth, hot as ingots with a pulsing blue glow.  A ratchety breath stuttered from her lungs.
“Ye dinna have tae do this, mo bhean ghaoil.  Imma verra patient man.  I’ve already bided twa hundred years just tae meet ye.”
Her lips twitched at his beautiful, though not entirely accurate gallantry.
“Mo bhean ghaoil?” she asked as she let first one, then the other shoulder dip.  Her dress fell easily to the floor.
“My beautiful wife.” The words withered away to air as the vision of her body unfolded before him.  Undulating ribbons of amber and shadow caressed the ivory of her skin, broken by the pale satin of her long line bra and maternity girdle.
“That’s where ye’ve been hiding yer corset,” Jamie muttered, half to himself.  They were both drawing hungry lungfuls of breath, the space between them fraught with an oncoming storm.
Very slowly, as though certain she would startle and flee, he raised an outstretched hand until it met her breastbone with the pressure of a feather.  She could feel the tremors that shook within him as he dragged each fingertip downward until they gathered in the warm valley between her breasts.  The air in the room suddenly felt thick, too heavy to breathe.
Just as it seemed Jamie’s hand was about to venture below the edge of her undergarments, a memory assaulted her addled senses.  Jamie, unknown to her as anything other than a mysterious and gravely injured patient, lay sleeping on his side in her room at Lallybroch.  He was still fevered, and she had lowered the sheet to his waist, allowing night air to caress his wounded back.  The firelight caught the powerful lines of his shoulder and pectorals, lighting each russet hair that bisected his torso so that he glowed like a lazy sunrise.  She had been flooded by a sudden desire to know where that trail of hair led.
“It’s my turn,” she asserted, reaching for the belt holding up his trousers.
The buckle clattered to the floor without heed as Jamie pulled her roughly upwards into his descending mouth.  It was a kiss without introduction or politeness, a tactical assault on her senses launched through the breach of his open mouth.  It bore no relation to the few chaste kisses they had thus far shared as man and wife.  She had evidently pushed him past the breaking point of his ingrained courteous behaviour.
They parted, stunned speechless, wet mouths agape.  He angrily pushed his trousers past his hips and the two collapsed onto the high mattress in an inelegant flop, limbs battling and grasping anywhere for purchase.   Her legs fell open instinctively to cradle the long, muscular arc of his body.   A cool button nudged her inner thigh.  Calloused hands pushed desperately on the unyielding structure of her girdle.  A coarse abrasion between her legs.  Heat.  And then an urgent plunge, both familiar and foreign.
His forehead was pushed into the pillow above her shoulder.  Untutored, laboured grunts echoed in her ears.
“Jamie,” she gasped.  “Jamie, you’re crushing me.”
He rose immediately onto his elbows, relieving the grinding pressure on her chest, but seemed unable to halt the tidal surge of his body into hers.   In a moment, it was moot.  He froze, letting loose a shuddering moan that scaled his spine one vertebra at a time.   Collapsing sideways onto his back, his face was a portrait of mute astonishment.
She lay beside him, staring at the beamed ceiling, and tried to gather her thoughts.  It wasn’t as though she hadn’t invited this very thing.  And while the… encounter had been ephemerally brief, she could not deny that she’d enjoyed it.  Enjoyed being the recipient of so much passion, no matter how short-lived.
Out of the corner of her eye she saw Jamie’s ring finger bouncing, tapping a morse code of disquiet against his chest.  Awkwardness was a palpable third presence in the bed between them.  She wanted to say something to ease his nerves, but words floated away as she tried to wrangle them into coherent sentences.
“Claire, I… please tell me I didna hurt ye.  Ye or the bairn.”
His quiet anguish snapped the cord that had been holding her tongue still in her mouth.
“No.  Jamie, of course not.  I would have said something, if you had.”
“I didna ken it would be sae… fierce,” he confessed.
That certainly answered her earlier question about his prior experience.  She couldn’t help feeling a flutter of… something… deep in her belly at the thought.
“It can be.  But my body is designed to protect the baby.  It will probably become more awkward, as I grow larger.   I’ll tell you, if anything doesn’t feel…nice.”
Jamie rose on an elbow, peering down at her.  His face was now alight with novice curiosity.
“Ye liked it then?  Men gossip about these things, ye ken, and I had heard that most women dinna like it.”
It was too late, and her nerves were too taxed to launch into a conversation about female sexual pleasure and a man’s role in assuring it.  She hazarded it was a better lesson to learn by example, in any event.  But she didn’t want him to go to sleep disappointed in himself.
Instead she told him the truth.
“I did like it, Jamie.  Very much.  I’m tired now, but perhaps in the morning…?”
He grinned like a Cheshire cat.  Shucking his trousers carelessly, he splayed naked across the bed with his hands tucked behind his head, looking for all the world like a piece of toppled Grecian statuary.  It suddenly hurt to breath.  The simmering warmth low in her belly threatened to burst into flame, but she was truly exhausted.   What she needed most was sleep.
Turning modestly aside, she unhooked her bra and unzipped her girdle before quickly donning a white nightdress.  She could feel Jamie’s eyes run over the bared skin of her back.  
“Cuir stad air do cheann, Sassenach,” he said softly as she once again settled beside him.
He lay behind her, fingers trailing through her hair and down her arms like spider webs.   She fell asleep to his quiet Gaelic mutterings, a lilting lullaby.
**
an duine agam - my husband
feasgar math - good afternoon
mo bhean - my wife
mo bhean ghaoil - my beautiful wife
Cuir stad air do cheann - Rest your head
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Ok here is the third chapter to "Love in The Broken Soul" enjoy!
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The Hospital
Griford Hill Hospital: 3:00pm, ER Surgery/Operation Room
Temple, Texas
Arthur felt like he was falling, suffocating in the darkness that surrounded him. He could still feel pain and agony; he couldn't tell where it was, but dear gods did it hurt! He looked up and could faintly see a small light that was slowly getting bigger and brighter. Once the light was close enough, he touched it and was quickly thrown back in to his body, where doctors were desperately trying to revive him.
Even though an oxygen mask was on his mouth to help him breath, he took a shaky breath as his heart started again, cheers coming from the doctors, though they immediately started to continue the surgery as they stabilized his condition. He couldn't tell what kind of surgery he was in as he fell back into unconsciousness.
Two days passed before Arthur woke up again. It was noon as he saw a few familiar faces besides Vivi and Mystery, who both had red rimmed eyes from crying, the girl holding his right hand and the dog on the bed with his ears back. The people he saw besides his friends were the Peppers, the Yukinos, his uncle Lance and... His parents. His parents were there? Why were they here and crying? He thought that they hated him after he told them that he was transgender and was in love with his best friend (s?). They didn't disown him but they didn't talk to him for weeks which nearly broke his heart.
He must've said that out loud, for his mother burst in to tears as she said, as his father gave his son a sad and hurt stare, "That's not true, my son! My poor baby boy... We're so sorry; we should've listened to you and supported you! Instead we let our anger and religious beliefs get the best of us! Instead of supporting you, we ignored you for weeks before you went on your trip with your friends! We regret that when we finally realized that you were who you are and let our misplaced anger go, you already left with your team on your journey before we could apologize for what we did. We've never felt so much guilt at what we did to you! Both your father and I love you so much, Arthur! A-and now... Oh dear lord, I'm so sorry... N-no one d-deserves t-this." as Mr. Kingsman pulled his sobbing wife into a hug to calm her down. With the beginning of tears threatening to spill over the man's brown eyes, he looked at Arthur and said, his voice cracking as he tried to explain, "We were visiting your uncle Lance to apologise for what we did when we got the call from the hospital, saying that you and your friends were out hiking and ended up being attacked by some type of monster near a cave.... I-it d-did... D-dear gods, my son..."
As he looked at his normally calm, caring and loving parents breakdown in tears, Arthur didn't understand why they were crying, however his heart started to mend as his parents were accepting him for who he is. He went to hug them but as he tried to sit up, he froze, feeling something off with his left side. Shaking from alarm and panic, he looked to his left and started to hyperventilate, for his arm was gone, torn clean off. Vivi, the three little Pepper sisters and his (still crying) mother pulled him into hugs and did everything they could to calm him down; Mystery laying down on the blonde's lap as he whimpered in concern and worry, leaning his head up and licking the blonde's cheek. Thirty minutes passed before Arthur was calm enough to talk. Then came the moment that froze everyone in the room with panic and true horror. When Mr. Pepper and Mrs. Pepper, in sadness, told them that the funeral for Lewis would be held in about three weeks, Arthur had a confused look on his face, pink faintly flashing in his amber eyes and said, confusion in his voice, "If you don't mind me asking Mr. and Mrs. Pepper, but who's Lewis?" None of the people in the room even saw the tiny sparks coming from the blonde's eyes as they were close to panicking. Why didn't Arthur remember Lewis, his best friend since third grade!? What could've happened to his memories!? Did that blasted demon have anything to do with this!?
To calm the shocked family and horrified friends of Arthur Kingsman down, a doctor was called in to check what was wrong. It was later confirmed that Arthur's mind was blocking every and all memories of Lewis due to trauma and the fact that he must've saw his friend die a horrible death by whatever beast that had attacked them. (In a way, he wouldn't remember what happened in the cave because it wasn't his fault. Probably from the trauma and blood loss.) However, he could still remember the Pepper family, both the parents and the three little girls, and the fact that they run the 'Pepper Paradiso', which confused the doctor but he just chalked it up as amnesia.
By the time it was night, it was only Arthur, Vivi and Mystery in the room while everyone else went home to rest. Vivi squeezed Arthur's right hand as his eyes slowly closed to rest, unaware of the loss they suffered. She still had faint traces of tears running down her cheek. She look to Mystery, his eyes holding centuries of wisdom and knowledge, and said, quietly as to not wake their friend, "Mystery, things won't go back to normal now, will they?" His heart breaking as he saw his normally bright, bubbly charge 'die out' from the death of one of her beloved and seeing the other in the hospital looking so frail, drained and having no memory of their fallen member, Mystery looked into Vivi's now dull, icy, blue eyes and said, his paws moving his glasses up a little and nodding in confirmation, "I'm afraid so, Vivi. However what makes me concerned is Arthur's memory loss of Lewis. How should we..."
Vivi immediately held her hand up, cutting Mystery's rant off as she said, voice suddenly filled with hurt, grief, pain and heartbreak, but most importantly guilt, "Arthur can't know what happened at all, Mystery. Maybe this way, we can heal. At least I'll know that Artie won't wallow in guilt of being forced to kill LewLew. I won't be able to handle it. As much as I'd hate to say it but if... if Arthur remembers Lewis and knows what happened tonight, he might... I can't lose him, too, Mystery. I just can't. I'll be shattered if I lost him too. I owe him that much after suggesting to investigate that blasted cave." Mystery nodded slowly in sorrow, knowing that Lewis's death was hurting them both. However, they both, though reluctantly, agreed to never mention Lewis ever again; even though it will hurt not just them, but also Arthur and everyone who knew the sweet, protective, brave and kindhearted purple haired young man.
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hockeyplayerstories · 5 years
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Adrian Kempe | From Friends To lovers
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#This is shit but I hope it’s okay#
“Skate! Skate! Skate! Get the puck deep in their zone!!” Coach Desjardins yells across the ice. I skate as fast as I can, but I can't. My legs feel like they are about to give out and there is a whole period left after these 5 minutes. Just as I am about to fall, Coach saves my life “Change Up!” “ Thank you god!” Jeff say’s which is what I was thinking. We were playing Calgary Flames tonight. They liked to play dirty, especially Matthew Tkachuk which isn’t how we usually and like to play. Sitting on the bench, out of breath, Coach walks over to me “Your line, last minute of the period” “Yes sir” Jaret says tiredly for our line. As I sat there recovering, I let my thoughts wander along with my eyes. Looking around, my eyes finally land on the one person I was looking for, my girlfriend, Y/N. My beautiful, fun, courageous, brave girl. I watch her as she smiles making me wonder what is on her mind. Maybe to finally have time to see me since it is the weekend, the only time we see each other because of my road trips and her job. I am caught staring at her when we catch eyes, naturally I smile back at her and blush. Looking away was hard because of her beautiful eyes but I had to, time went by so quick I didn’t even notice. “ One minute left, you ready?”  Jaret asked me, breaking me from thoughts. “Ummm...sure yeah sure”. I refocus back to present time quick. “ Third line up!” Coach calls, my line rush's on the ice when the others return, charging as Drew carries the puck in the other teams zone. I reach the puck first in the left corner, with one quick look right over my shoulder, I take note of where everyone is, I notice number 77 skating behind the net no one on him, Jeff. He turns skating backwards taping his stick on the ice, wanting and waiting for the puck. Pinned to the glass in a tackle, by 2 guys, I somehow get my stick free, kick the puck to my stick and pass to Jeff and make a bee line for the front of the net.
Jeff then quickly makes a saucer pass to Dion, who passed a bouncing puck to Drew only for him to send it back to him slowly for a perfect one timer. Due to not having the best one timers, the puck missed the net by meters and hit the boards in back of it on the left side of the net. Luckily , I had moved out of the pucks way thinking it might actually hit the net and cause a rebound chance. The area I moved to was to the right of the net. What happened next will be in everyone's memories for a long time. The puck was shot so fast the goalie was surprised and lost focus for a second or two, not a long time but long enough for me. Being in the right position where the puck went meant I had a easy shot on net that could be a possible goal unless its a bad day and I miss the net. Without thinking and being the type of player I am with a left handed stick, I put my stick between my legs dragging the puck with it and shot it with a backhand towards top shelf. Smith was still on the left side of the net so basically, I had a wide open net. I don’t really score that often so for my goal celebration, bear hugged by both Jeff and Jaret, I was trapped between them for a few seconds before they let me go. Skating back towards my bench to high five my teammates, I sense the tension lift from my shoulders, having not scored in 10 games. I received the puck due to it being my 100th point. Sitting on the bench still smiling, i looked around the arena at all fans here to watch, for a few seconds I catch eyes with Y/N who, like me, is still smiling clapping her hands giving me a thumbs up, even though play has resumed with 50 seconds left, my goal was scored exactly 5 seconds ago. Shuffling down the bench to allow the others to sit when coach called for the second line to go on. At that very moment, I decided I will play until I can’t physically move.  
The sound of a horn going off broke me from my thoughts, signaling the end of the second period. “ Good job boys!!” someone in the stands yelled, they were seated near the tunnel we go down to reach the locker rooms. Walking towards my stall and sitting, Coach starts his speech with the same thing every game, catching my attention “Alright boys! That was a good second period but you have to watch your turnovers. There wasn’t really that many this game but still. We practiced puck control, passing, shooting, edge work along the boards, use it! Kempy that was a good goal, using speed to get to the puck first, battle in the corner, looking at where to pass to that was good. And I am not just saying it to him, I am telling everyone, you all did good out there. Alright? Ok get ready for 3rd, keep up the good work here boys, we got this!”. Coach never really said that much in his speech. Finally , someone said something and the joking began. We figured out over the years that joking in between periods keeps us loose. While everyone talked, I was busy texting Y/N.  
                 Putting back on the equipment I took off, Anze decides to start bugging me a tradition we do before every game  “ So Adrian, what do you with Y/N when you are alone?” He questioned me, more of a joke than asking because of how young of a couple we were “Well” I begin while walking towards the door “I’d rather not say it in here” I smiled smugly at him, who was sitting at the back of the locker room. “Ohhhh” everyone, who heard me say it, yelled out. We may be young but we seem to act like a couple who have together for many years and the team liked to tease us about it. “ Let’s go Kings Let’s go Let’s go Kings Let’s go” people starting chanting when they some us walking out to the ice, I loved hearing that.
Since my line isn’t playing the first faceoff in the third period, I take a seat on the bench, bumping shoulders with who ever slides next to me then lean forward to rest my arms on the boards. I take this time to think back on my relationship with Y/N, smiling about how we were friends before we fell in love. We've known each other since we were 5, we met in kindergarten and stayed friends since then. I asked her to move to America when I got drafted back in 2014, she said she loved to and went on up until we moved looking up everything about LA, the best places to eat at, she even found our current apartment the same one we have been living in since we got here. I let her choose the decorations because she always wanted to decorate her first apartment. It was only when we got here is when I confessed that I feel love with her, I was a little scared of what her reaction would have been but it useless because she too was in love with me.
A pat on my shoulder from Coach warns me that when the current line on the ice comes back to the bench, my line goes on so I tell myself to stop daydreaming and focus. The third period continues with the team getting a one goal lead over our opponents and we battle to keep it which leads to us winning the game, everyone is excited as the crowd cheers as the end of the game horn goes off.
About a hour later, I exit the locker room in search of my love in the hallway with the other families and stop as soon as I spot her playing with Trevor Lewis’s twins. Immediately I start to think about the future with her which happens a lot like almost everyday, she is the type of women your parents would want you to be with and my parents are very happy with that. Y/N stands up when Trevor’s wife tells her I am waiting for her, walking to me after saying bye to the Lewis family. When she is close, I wrap my arms around her like after every home game and she does the same. “Congrats on the W Ads” Y/N says as she pulls out of the hug “Thx I couldn’t have done it without my good luck charm cheering me on” I smile making her smile and blush, ”let’s go home” we walk towards the exit hand in hand.       
#this is shit! How do I even fix this?! Welp I guess I will leave it how it is for now#
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dylanobemineforever · 6 years
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My Savior - A Mitch Rapp Series / Chapter Two
Chapter One << Chapter Two << Chapter Three
Auther’s Note: Sooo I don’t know what to think about this one... There isn’t a lot happening here, but it’s a slow burn story, so bare with me. In the next Chapter they’re gonna get closer though, so look forward to that *wink*
Warnings: the beach scene is discribed... so spoiler alert I guess? But not really, because everyone knows what happened there... Still I am gonna insert a spoiler alert in the story, so you can still read it ;)
Word count: 4,2k
Pairing: Mitch x Reader (but only further in the story)
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You blinked several times, before the black spots didn’t blur your vision anymore. As soon as your vision cleared you sat up straight, head still spinning.
“Ah Y/N. You’re awake.” You heard Stan’s voice at the other end of the room. You turned your head, seeing his angry glare which made you slouch down on the black leather couch you sat on. “Would you mind, telling me what the fuck happened back there? I thought you finally had yourself under control!” His voice rose with every word, but you just sat there, staring right back at him without a readable expression whatsoever.
“For fucks sake, Y/N!” Stan strode towards you, his face bright red with anger.
“I am sorry, Stan.” You croaked out.
His expression softened as he realized the state you were in. He normally just knew you as the tough girl everyone else also believed you were. “I am sorry too, okay? But if that keeps happening I need you to go…”
Your head swiveled in his direction, an expression of utter hurt and fear resting on your face. “No Stan, listen! I promise this won’t happen ever again! Please don’t do this!”
“It’s not my decision to make kid. I am meeting Irene later in the afternoon…” He said, explaining that your fate laid in her hands, not his. “You sure you’re okay, though? If you want I can call Lewis and he can pay a visit.” Stan was referring to the shrink for the trainees of the Orion Team. He came every few weeks to talk to every recruit, monitoring them closely to check if they were up for the task and if they could handle the psychological tolls this job inevitably brought with it.
You shook your head no. “I am okay, I promise. Just got a little carried away is all.”
He nodded and walked towards the door of his office, knowing that you wouldn’t tell him anything if you were pushed to do so. “I am gonna go look after Mitch. See how he’s doing. You can go to your room, I’ll catch up with you when I come back from Langley.” And with that Stan closed the door to his office, leaving you alone. And then it hit you. Mitch. Stan had slipped up, revealing Harry’s real name. Mitch.
“Fuck!” You exclaimed as guilt overtook you. “I could have killed him!”
But then on the other hand, maybe not. He’s only been here for a day. Today being his first official one with training and he was already better than anyone you had ever fought with besides Stan. How’d he do that? Stan already told you that he wasn’t in the military and that that was one of the main reasons Kennedy wanted him in the Team. But how did he learn to fight like that? To throw daggers like that?
You made your way to the door of Stan’s office. Normally, no one was allowed to be in it alone and without him around. Guess it also had its perks being his niece. He trusted you.
The door opened slowly as something grabbed your attention and you closed it again with a soft thud. On Stan’s desk, the one by the door, stood a laptop which still showed an image and a play button. He must have forgotten to turn it off with everything that had happened. You looked down at it, finger hovering over the mouse to start the video. You didn’t know what it was about, all it showed was a beach and the sea, a beautiful woman in a white bikini in the center, smiling the most gorgeous smile that you had ever seen. And then you hit the button and a male voice came playing from the speakers. A voice that you knew to belong to Mitch. You paused the video again, not knowing what to do now. You didn’t even know why Stan had it on his laptop, but knowing him nothing good could come out of it. You contemplated back and forth if you should watch it or not but your curiosity decided for you and you pressed play again.
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- Spoiler Alert -
Mitch was filming his girlfriend who didn’t seem all too amused by it, but still had a smile on her beautiful face. She dived into the water like a dolphin and as she came out a ring on a necklace was dangling in front of her face. Mitch proposed and she said yes. The camera angle turned, Mitch now filming the both of them kiss and laugh. He had the biggest grin on his face and you could feel yourself mirroring him. He looked so happy. And so did she. Mitch then got out of the water saying he would get them drinks and everyone on the beach started cheering, having witnessed the proposal. He ordered something at the bar, camera still running as all of a sudden gunshots could be heard. People screaming. The camera long forgotten now laid on the sandy floor, facing towards the beach, catching how people landed facedown in the sand. More screams. Blood everywhere. Then far away the camera captured Mitch’s girlfriend looking around her frantically, screaming something. And then she too, fell facedown on the beach. A few seconds later you could make out someone crawling to her, someone in yellow swim trunks which were now covered in blood. Mitch. Another bullet came flying, hitting Mitch right through his shoulder. You brought your hand towards your mouth trying to stifle the sobs that were escaping, feeling how your cheeks were now covered with hot tears. And then, when he was just a few inches away from his fiancee a hooded man came into view with a machine gun in hand. And hit her right through her head. If she wasn’t dead before she would certainly be now. The terrorist didn’t even acknowledge Mitch’s presence, probably thinking he would bleed out soon enough. Mitch just laid there on the beach facing her and you could see the pain in his eyes. The agony. And then the screen turned black for a second, before the video closed and you were thrown back to the beginning. Seeing the beautiful woman smiling and just enjoying a carefree time, probably thinking that she'll die sixty years from that moment, not within the next few minutes.
- Spoiler Alert over-
You couldn’t control yourself anymore and just let the tears fall freely. Every emotion that you had bottled up, now coming to the surface. Everything just felt upside down and you hated yourself for not being able to hold your shit together. This wasn’t who you were. You were strong, tough and independent. Not a cry baby who let emotions control itself.
After a few more shaky breaths and sobs escaped, you wiped the remaining tears from your eyes and blinked several times in order to get your vision cleared again. By now you were sure that your face was severely swollen and your eyes had to be red and puffy. A heavy sigh escaped your lips as you wanted to get up and to your room but for some reason you couldn’t. Your finger hovering over the mouse once again.
You hated yourself for doing this, but an opportunity like that would most likely never present itself to you again and you just had to satisfy your nosy self and dig through confidential files that were clearly not meant for you to look at. You looked at the girl you now knew would meet a horrible ending in a few minutes and would never smile this gorgeous toothy grin that she currently showed, ever again. In the upper right corner of the screen you could see that this video was in a file which was called “Mitch Rapp”. So you went back, the video closing and you were met with various different folders with ominous captions. You were sure that this folder was normally heavily encrypted, but given that you already had access to the folder you could freely roam through those files now. If Stan knew what you were doing he would lose his freaking mind. But at this moment you couldn’t care less. He wouldn’t find out and you desperately needed to satisfy your curiosity.
You clicked on a different video. Mitch sat at a metal desk, while someone was talking to him. You recognized the other man’s voice as the from Lewis, the shrink.
“No, I don’t think that’s extreme at all.” Mitch began answering Lewis’ question in a rather indifferent tone. Clinical. “These people deserve to die in the worst ways you could possibly imagine.”
“So what’s your goal, Mitch?”
Mitch’s tone changed. He sounded angry, but not at Lewis or the question he had asked, more like you could hear the pure hatred tripping from his words. “My goal is that they lay up at night, knowing I am coming for them.”
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The video changed and now you saw Mitch in what looked like his apartment, training. Throwing daggers, kicking  and boxing a bunching bag. Then the video ankle changed and you where face to face with Mitch sitting in front of his computer and typing on his keyboard. His massages were shown to you on the right side of the screen. You were fluent in Arabic so you had no problem keeping up with what was said and you couldn’t hide how surprised you were. He was the one who led the agency to Mansour.  Right now you didn’t know if he was super brave or super stupid and borderline suicidal. Maybe a bit of everything, but the fact alone that he trained for nearly two years, learned a complete foreign language all by himself to seek revenge or retribution, as he called it in another video with Lewis, stunned you. He was determined, but that was the only thing you were certain about concerning him. He was unpredictable.
Your hand hovered over the mouse again and you quickly closed all the files you opened and set everything back like you never did anything, because you heard footsteps approaching. You quickly got up from your seat and made your way to the door, pushing it open only to come face to face with Stan. Your heart began to pound uncontrollably in your chest at the thought of having been caught doing something that you definitely shouldn’t have done. If Stan somehow got wind of what you just did you knew for a fact that you were probably done and he would pull all the strings to get you off the team. It would be a good excuse to him considering that he wasn’t a fan of you being on the team in the first place. You thought for a moment that maybe he had a camera in his office, but then again that wouldn’t be like him. At least not here where the undercover training took place. Because technically this facility and the people working and training here didn’t even exist and having video footage of a place like this was unwise and you knew that Stan thought like that too.
“Back early, huh?” You asked, trying to sound as innocent as possible. Thank God that you were a trained and professional liar.
“Wanna take that inside?” You knew he was referring to the talk about whether or not Irene had kicked you out of the team. Therefore you just nodded, seeing the stern look on his face. Right now you weren’t sure if that meant good news for you and bad news for him, that you still were on the team, or if it meant bad news for you, good news for him but still having to be the bearer of those news and not wanting to see the girl he saw as his own flesh and blood breaking out in tears.
You walked through the door to his office once more and sat down on the couch while Stan sat on the coffee table opposite from you.
“So?” You asked nervously, fidgeting with your shirt. “What did she say?”
Stan sighed and brought his hand up to rub his neck. “Well we didn’t have much of a discussion honestly.” He paused and you could hear your blood rushing through your ears, afraid of what he was going to say. “She wants you in the team. You’re one of the best and a real asset to this mission, so she is going to look the other way this time, but if something like this happens again, she won’t be able to. And she too thinks it might be best if you talked to Lewis any time soon, just to be sure that you’re okay.”
Unable to say anything you just nodded. Relief washed over your whole body. You nearly screwed this up and you swore to yourself that you would never get so close to lose the one thing that you desperately needed in your life. The one thing that still made sense and held you together. The one thing that gave you purpose.
Stan dismissed you and offered you to get the rest of the day off to clear your head which you declined. More overthinking was the last thing you needed. You were just about to close the door behind you when Stan spoke up again. Glancing over your shoulder you could see the thoughtful look on his face. “Maybe you should go see Harry… you know? Apologize.” You just nodded, having thought about it already but still for some reason you hoped that he wouldn’t have brought it up. You were scared of Mitch’s reaction upon seeing you and what he now thought of you. And to be frank, these thoughts made you feel anxious. Why was it so important to you what he thought? Normally you didn’t give two fucks about people’s opinions and normally you weren’t insecure about most things especially not about people not liking you. Why was it different with him? You didn’t even know him!
You scoffed at how pathetic and weak you sounded in your head and before you even realized it you stood in front of Mitch’s door. The one opposite of yours. You could feel your heart pumping in your throat and it tightening.
“Okay Y/N get your shit together!” You tried to pep talk yourself, your hand coming up to knock at his door before you could even process it. “You got this!”
The door swung open and as soon as the person behind it saw you, it was slammed shut again but before that could happen you had placed your foot in the doorway, having anticipated something like that.
He glared down at you, his honey colored eyes that you instantly noticed when you first got the chance to look into them, now seemed like a dark abyss and without any life in them.
“What do you want?” he asked through gritted teeth. He wasn’t just angry. He was furious and the way he looked at you made your blood turn to ice. It seemed like he was blood thirsty and it took everything in him not to wrap his hands around your throat and chocking you.
“I – I wanted to apologize…” Your voice was trembling, betraying you in your fake show off of confidence. “I am really and truly sorry! I didn’t mean for this to happen.”
He stared down at you, his eyes didn’t soften he just kept glaring. “I don’t care about some lame excuse. And I certainly don’t need a fucking apology from you. Just stay the hell away from me and we’re good!” And with that he kicked your foot out of the way and finally slammed the door shut.
Mitch ran his hand down his face and letting out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. He felt guilty for leaving you like that, you just wanted to be nice and apologize for something that you know you did wrong. He wasn’t even angry at you for having sort of tried to kill him. He had seen the change in your y/e/c eyes when you started to lose control and he didn’t blame you. He’s been there, he knew how easy it could be to slip from reality and he didn’t judge you either, because he didn’t know what you had been through in order to fall into this line of work. But still, he found himself shutting you out. Being angry and shutting you out was easier for him than the opposite. And to be honest he was angry, but not at you. He was angry at himself for even giving you the chance to be able to choke him like that. He was angry at himself for underestimating you. And maybe if he was truly honest with himself this whole thing hurt his ego and pride more than actually being choked and he was angry because he thought like that. Just because you were a girl and a good head smaller than him didn’t mean that he automatically had the upper hand and he hated it that he went into the fight with that thought in mind. From that point on, he would make sure not to underestimate you ever again. But the one crucial point that made him unbelievably angry was that you intrigued him and that he wanted to get to know you better. It has only been two years since Katrina died and he hasn’t looked at another woman ever since. Were two years enough? Was any amount of years ever enough for him to overcome her death? He felt guilty beyond belief, like he was betraying her by wanting to get to know you. Even though he was pretty sure that she would want him to. Katrina just had that about her. She was like an angel and he never understood how she never hold grudges and always just wanted him to be happy whereas he on the other hand always had a problem with keeping his anger under control. They couldn’t have been more different. And maybe that was why it worked out so wonderfully between them. She made him a better person and he showed her that she could be selfish from time to time. That looking after oneself wasn’t a bad thing. But then again lately he had been thinking that maybe they were too young, too naïve. He was sure that he loved her beyond anything. But they were only sixteen when they got together. They were high-school sweethearts and she was his first ever relationship. How could they know what real love really meant? How could anyone know?
After Mitch send you to hell it took everything in you not to cry again. You didn’t even remember the last time you cried as much as you were currently doing. And it felt pathetic. So you just got your shit back together, walked away and towards the class room where you learned about international relations, cultures and different languages. As you walked through the doors everyone stared at you like you were a madman, and you found yourself thinking that maybe they were right. Whatever, you got through that too, but after your Arabic lessons you just went straight to your room and therefore skipping dinner. You laid in your bed all night. Turning and tossing, but sleep just didn’t came. At all. So eventually you just gave up trying, got out of bed and put your gym clothes on. You needed to clear your head and in the last past years you learned that you could do that best by punching with as much force as you could muster into a punching bag. And that’s what you decided on doing. You didn’t care that it was three in the morning and that you would be out running the usual ten miles run in less than two hours. All you wanted was to get the aggression out, drain yourself.
The spacious gym was only dimly lit but you didn’t mind that. The first punches were thrown and you didn’t even care on putting protection on your knuckles to keep them from bruising or bleeding. And that’s exactly what happened soon after you started punching and kicking the living shit out of the sand filled bag. After around half an hour they were numb and you could tell that they were starting to swell. You still didn’t care.
What made you stop in the end was when someone from behind you cleared their throat. It was Stan, standing with his arms crossed in front of his chest with a frown and worried look on his face.
“Wanna talk about it?” he asked softly while moving towards you.
“No, not really.” You turned around again and threw another hard blow. The punching bag's chain overhead rustled as the bag swung away from your body. As soon as it was coming towards you again, you kicked it this time.
“Y/N… you know I am not good with words, so I don’t really know how to approach this.” He made an overexaggerated hand gesture, trying to show that he in fact was overwhelmed by your strange behavior. “I don’t know what’s gotten into your head lately and I hope you know that you can talk to me about anything?” He wanted to make it sound like a statement but to you it rather sounded like a question, so you nodded. “Good! That’s good!” He paused, looking down at you with compassion. “So? Wanna talk?” You shook your head no, looking down to your feet. You didn’t even know why you were so angry lately. Maybe because you had the feeling of walking in circles and not moving forward but you couldn’t quite pin point it.
“Their anniversary is coming up… Does it have something to do with that?”
You felt like someone just punched you in the gut, knocking all the air from your lungs. Tears threatened to fall, but you held them back to the best of your abilities in your current mental state… which was barely. You knew Stan just wanted the best for you and didn’t mean you any harm, but he knew that you never, never wanted to talk about this ever again! This had been hard enough when you were only ten years old. You didn’t want to be reminded of this whole thing ever again or relive it for that matter. Of course you did though… every fucking day. But it was something different if someone said it aloud and wanted to talk about it.
“Stan you know fucking well that we are NOT gonna talk about this!” You walked past him, brushing his shoulder as you went. But he hold you back by your wrist and forced you to turn around, looking into his eyes which were filled with sorrow and hurt. And that look alone was too much for you to handle. Stan was the strongest man you have ever known in your entire life. He was not one to break easily or show emotions, not around others at least. Sometimes you actually forgot that he had feelings, as dumb as it may sound, and that you could hurt him. It wasn’t just your loss on that tragic day twelve years ago… it was his too. He lost his brother that day. The happy family that he spent so much time with. His nephew that he loved dearly. And having to come to you that day and tell you what had happened was the worst thing that he had ever done. And he had done a lot of ugly shit especially considering his occupation. He killed, he witnessed innocent people being blown to nothing, he had seen his friends and comrades die next to him by a bullet straight through their heads and he had been tortured by the enemy himself. And still, seeing your face that day, screaming in utter agony and having so much trouble to breathe that he had to call an ambulance was the worst image that was forever engraved in his mind. “I think you should get some rest. You look like you haven’t been sleeping for weeks.” He pointed to the dark circles that were very prominent resting under your eyes.
“No, I am fine.” He crossed his arms across his chest, not having any of it, because clearly you were anything but fine. “I promise! Rest and having all time in the world to think about… you know… isn’t helping me in any way, okay? I need to do something! That’s why I am here right? So I can make a difference?”
Stan let out a heavy sigh, looking you up and down while seriously considering to use his authoritative voice on you, making you sit out for at least that day. But in the end he found himself nodding. “Okay, yeah you’re right. Just try to catch at least a few hours of sleep before we start at eight, okay? You'll sit the morning run out, though. Deal?”
You nodded and before you turned around you engulfed Stan in a tight hug. “I love you, you know that right?”
“Love you too, sweetheart. So much!” As he let you go he placed a loving kiss on your forehead before motioning for you to finally go to bed what you happily did. Eventually you drifted off into a dreamless sleep.
>>Chapter Three
Feedback is as always highly appriciated, so are suggestions. I know this Chapter is kind of boring, but the next one is going to be better hopefully
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