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bangtanhoneys · 5 months

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Magic Shop - Grace

[BTS WEVERSE] GRACE started their LIVE: How are you feeling?

ARMY got their notification as it came through to their phones in the middle of the afternoon in Seoul. It had been awhile since Grace had been seen, heard or even mentioned since all members of BTS had enlisted with the military, Jungkook & Jimin the last two to go. Fans had taken to messaging or commenting on Instagram posts or on LIVE videos of TXT, CL, Seventeen and IU to see where Korea’s noona was.

The background didn’t belong to any studio or a modern apartment like ARMY were used to seeing from BTS. It looked homely, warm, unique and with a hint of British to it. She was sitting in a brown leather office chair, dressed in a jumper but with a cardigan wrapped around her and a blanket thrown over her legs.

As always, she was cradling a cup of tea.

The video was muted as she turned to her left, said something then nodded before turning her attention to the screen in front of her which was then when the video was unmuted.

“Good afternoon, ARMY. How are we doing?” she asked, shifting so she brought a knee up to rest her mug on as she leaned forward to see the screen.

“You’re feeling sad? Hungry. You’ve got homework to do, ooh someone is about to go on a date. Well have a lovely time. Sad, sad, sad,” Grace read through the fast incoming comments.

“I’m feeling sad,” she admitted as she smiled slightly. “As you know, the boys have gone to do their duty for the military. I’ve seen them all off now so I don’t know quite what to do with myself. I’ve come to stay with my parents for a little bit, Min-ji is enjoying himself with his grandparents. But I just wanted to come here and show my face, to say I’m here, I’ve not disappeared. I just needed a little while to reorganise my mind, if that makes sense?”

Grace took a sip of tea and watched the comments go up the screen, ignoring the ones that were plain stupid or the ones that only cared about one member in particular.

“Will I have contact with them? I will. Don’t worry, the group chat is alive and well. Namjoon sent a message which translated, means I’m freezing my ass off,” Grace explained as she switched to English when she saw the English comment come in. “So they're doing well. Seokjin is getting promoted left right and centre, Yoongi is having fun being a civil servant, Hobi is kicking ass and obviously our boys are adjusting. I’ve been keeping an eye on them in the best way I can. But it won’t be long till they are home. You just have to deal with me for a while.”

She laughed as the comments came in, some saying: ‘Grace noona is going to be the best ARMY leader ever’ ‘when is your solo stuff coming?’ ‘when is Seokjin coming home?’

“My solo stuff. Ah well, it’s coming. I promise. I have a lot planned but I can’t reveal everything yet. I’m under tight instructions not to say anything until it’s ready and we’re nearly there, you just need to wait a couple of months or so and then it will be here and you won’t know what to do with yourselves.”

“Am I okay?” Grace read one comment, pausing as she looked at the screen then the mug then back to the screen again.

“No is the honest answer. I’ve been with all of them for 13 years now? Roughly. I met Namjoon first, then Yoongi & Hobi and then all of them trickled in. I’ve been at Big Hit since I was 18 or 19 and I’m nearly 34. That’s a long time. So my world since the day I signed my BTS contract has been them and now I don’t have that. They're doing their duty and I’m very proud of them but it’s hard not having one of them here, every moment of every day. So I’m adjusting to the fact that I don’t have access to all of them now. It was alright when it was just one or two but now it’s all of them.”

Grace paused and took a sip of her drink, smiling slightly. “But don’t worry about me, I’m getting there. Like all of you, we were all here and now there’s only one but I know the boys have plenty of things to entertain you with while they enlist and you’ve got my things coming as well, so you won’t be bored. In fact, you’re going to be complaining.”

It was obviously a tease and she knew exactly what she was hinting at with Yoongi’s Suchwita episode with her still to come where the announcement would be that she was coming on her birthday and then it was going to be a whirlwind from her birthday onwards and then her tour.

So much to do, so little time but for now, she was content to sit with ARMY and just chat.

“Sing Magic Shop,” one comment caught her eye.

“I don’t have Jungkook’s karaoke set up but one moment, let me see what I can do.”

She untangled herself from her cocoon and went to the door, left the room and then came back with another phone. “I’ve stolen my mother’s phone so one second everyone.”

Grace closed the door behind her, just as Min-Ji slipped through the door. “Ah I guess he wants to say hello.”

She sat back down in her chair and sorted her blankets, tapping at her lap so Min-Ji could jump up. He gracefully did so and put his front paws on the desk, sniffing at the phone that was filming her live.

“You done? It’s only ARMY. Say hello.”

He gave a soft meow as he turned and made biscuits in her lap while she searched on her mother’s phone for the Magic Shop karaoke version.

“Okay, here we go. So everyone, I’m fine, sad as you are but I’m here if you need me. Just shout my name on WeVerse and I’ll come running - no matter what you need, what you want to ask, what you want to see, don’t hesitate to contact me, okay? After all, I’m in charge of the Magic Shop now,” Grace smiled as she lifted her hand to show her heart fingers. “I love you all.”

ARMY were left with Grace singing her version of Magic Shop to them, which the clip would be later uploaded to Twitter with many asking for Grace to release it for ARMY as a present.

#bts 8th member #bts additional member #bts eighth member #bts female member #bts fic #bts fanfiction

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heybaetae · 2 months

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Yeah, I get it. :/ I never expected or wanted Jin to come back and immediately be an idol again. And I'm not saying this in a bad way or anything, but his personality and way of living(? i guess) is just not like that... I fully expect him to go home, check in a few times, mostly through weverse comments which are really short and quick, and re-adjust to being at home and being with his family more. Again, not in a bad way, but he's definitely not going to be entertaining us all the time. I feel like some of the fandom is expecting a Jungkook- level of entertainment and online presence which will not happen with Jin. Hobi would be a better person for this but he's also not going to be online 24/7. Which is fine! And I agree with you, I really hope they are not jumping back immediately. Hobi said he has a post-enlistment plan already so I can see him go back to work sooner... But with Jin, I don't. I would like to be hopeful (or incredibly naive) and think that he's just going to chill for awhile but I feel like because 1) he's the first one to come back and the only one who will be here for us again and 2) the only one without an album, they will work on pumping out an album as soon as possible. Again, I'd like to think they can't or won't force him but who knows... I'm also a little worried about next year when the others come back... I feel like that'll be even worse because everyone will be anticipating the ot7 comeback and tour and everything... :(

no need to disclaim what you're saying here about jin's personality, i know you don't mean anything in a bad way haha. i'm willing for jin to surprise me if he's genuinely eager to start work on his album as soon as possible if that's what he decides. i surely won't complain about jin making new music, i just really hope it's not something he'll feel (or literally be) obligated to do without taking time for himself if he needs it. for example, i feel like i observed taemin get discharged and almost immediately jump back into performing/recording and i was like "whoa, was he ready after what he went through?" so it's coming from a place of concern and care when i say i hope he doesn't contractually have to bounce back to idol life before he can gain his bearings, rest, and readjust back to civilian life. i feel that way about all of them, though hobi's so work-oriented it wouldn't surprise me if he wanted to work right away. as for the whole band after they're discharged, i agree i really think they should take a few months to figure out what's next for them as a group before they jump back into recording and planning a comeback or tour. it'll be three years by then since they last worked together as seven, they deserve time to come back together harmoniously and carefully. and i think the company AND fandom owes them a grace period before they set high hopes and expectations too.

#ask

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stormblessed95 · 1 year

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Stormy, let’s gist for awhile

I have two questions in which I need clarification:

1. When jiminie posted those beach pictures last year… I read that he captioned it implying that he was alone. He was obviously with at least 3 members. What was the point in him feeling the need to put it out there that he was alone which was easily debunked when others posted the pictures? I was offline during this period so I didn’t know the story behind those pictures but I recently came across a thread on Twitter which brought this question back to me. I guess he doesn’t want us to know right?

2. I checked your master list and I couldn’t find this particular discussion… jimin’s vlive back in 2020 when he randomly called jin. Do you really think that was JK’s voice? I’m hoping you know the vlive I’m talking about. These two questions have been on my mind lately as I’ve been going through jikook past contents lately. Thanks in advance 💜💜

Hi!

1) Jimin posted to Weverse in November photos of him at the beach and a video of him with his feet in the water. Original posts/translations linked here for you

Hobi made comments on each post/moment on Weverse, talking about how Jimin knows about vibes, and about how "he told me he almost died because of the cold" on the feet in the ocean video. Lol

And then a week later, on Twitter, someone (hypothesis of ARMY is that it's either Tae or JK, but possibly Jimin too - doubted though since Jimin always claims his twt posts with his hashtag, so 95% likely its either tae or jk who posted) posted the maknae line photos at the same beach. Caption "I want to go back there"

Hobi also posted at the beach too on Weverse with a video, armys claimed to have seen him there since it was earlier in the day though and that he was alone with staff at the beach

So ultimately what this comes down to is that people made lots of assumptions and we don't truly know. We have options. Either Jimin went alone the first time and it was just him and his staff/bodygaurds and he posted about how quiet and peaceful and alone the beach was. And so therefore he brought the members back with him on an additional beach trip because how nice to go somewhere and not get stared at, photographed, videoed, whispered about, etc etc and just get to fully relax at the beach. (Because yeah they aren't going to go without staff and/or bodygaurds at a minimum in a foreign country, lol cmon).

Or he was there with the other members and when he stated how alone and quiet the beach was, it wasn't him lying at being alone (because again, staff too) or that the members weren't there, but rather a commentary on the lack of the general public on the beach and how it was time to him/themselves. And he just didn't feel the need to mention the others because the point of his posts was HIM relaxing at the beach. Not him trying to trick anyone either way this went.

And for Hobi, he clearly also went alone at some point (with staff/bodygaurds) and perhaps joined the maknaes too for their beach trip (either Jimins second one with the other members or his first and they were all there the whole time)

Regardless, it's all clearly the same beach lol. And they all clearly loved it and loved having time out and about in public ALONE, together and/or separately. And not having to worry about everyone and everything else watching their every move. And we never would've known about these late night beach trips (minus Hobis) if they hadn't told us. Jimin even made one of his photos from that night his wallpaper! They clearly had an amazing time. And I love that they got to have that private time together out and about.

Ultimately, does it matter if Jimin went alone once and then again with the members... or went with some of the members each time he went? Or if they went 8 times during the week and we only know of a few times? I don't think so. But I hope that helped a little even if all it really comes down to is "who knows and who cares, it's really nice they did it!" Lol

2) idk where you checked on my masterlist for that post, but it was under "vlives" topic lol, I'll link it here for you

Hope the post is helpful too! Hope everyone has a good day!

#jikook #kookmin #jikook in 2021 #jikook on the beach

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namchyoon · 2 years

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IF WEVERSE MAKES ME MISS THE LAST OT7 LIVE FOR AWHILE I WILL FUCKING FIGHT THEM

anon you can't just say that i thought they were live rn and panicked 😭😭😭😭

#ask #anonymous

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jungkookiexxx · 2 years

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221014 - V on Instagram

221014 - Rm on Instagram

(He also changed his profile picture to the first photo on Weverse 🤭)

221014 - Rm on Weverse

Transition:

🐨: Hello the rehearsals just ended awhile ago.

The Busan (we've) been waiting for is tomorrow. There is not even 24 hours left

After about 3 years we are (having) a concert-like concert with full audience and cheers in Korea of course as much as it's not entirely/completely our (BTS-like) concert, so i'm not sure if there'll be parts that (we)could've done better but I feel great that i'm able to jump and play around at Busan which is another hometown of mine.

As much as this concert is just for one day I think I/we poured our heart and soul into it, but for us too, it's the first time (doing) a standing concert of such scale/size in 10 years.

Ever since the beginning the venue and situation kept colliding, as much as that, we planned so that we could show/give a carnival or festival feel in a bold/strong way. (Although there were many ups and downs) it perhaps could also be the last (time) to sing it live… songs we are singing after a long time are also included, first of all, an offline concert in such format is the first time (for us) and since it's also been really awhile...

I'd be deeply touched/moved if you would lift your hands and sing along from beginning to the end with a feeling of a Rock festival or DJ Festival and have fun happily just like (in) a festival. I think such feelings are also what coincides the most with our intentions.

Alright so (let's) proceed….! Although there definitely would be parts that would be lacking ! Since it's a Bangtan concert ! We will try to show THE best and OUR best looks/sides. Please jump a lot and also let us listen to your voices alot ! See you tomorrow. Hehe

(By the way what he meant by "last time singing live" he means it possibly wouldn't make it to the future setlists.) Eg: Just like WINGS LY solos

[ Translation by: @/Koo_Picasso ]

221014 - Suga on Weverse

🐱: Alright let’s go!

#bts #bts yet to come in busan #bts official #bts weverse #bts updates #bts 2022 #v #rm #suga

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7-dreamers · 3 years

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[210227] Sua’s Weverse Update:

What shall I eat tomorrow😋Nyam

Sua’s comment: The chicken I ate just now was the bestㅡㅡㅋㅎ

Sua’s comment: Ah I'm excited about Mr. Queen....Dadum dadum😊

Sua’s comment: I think it's "Daesae Red" from Bareun Chicken! (T/N Sua was referring to the chicken she and Jiu ate in their recent V Live)

Sua’s comment: Oh I really like tomorrow's meal recommendation a lot!!!!!!!

Sua’s comment: Which drama should I watch nextㅠㅠ I'm going to wait a little longer before I start watching Penthouseㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ

Sua’s comment: I can't eat gopchangㅠㅠㅠㅠ

Sua’s comment: I ate kimchi fried rice yesterdayyy~

Sua’s comment: Note: Vincenzo, Run On, L.U.C.A., The Uncanny Counter, Kairos, Welcome to Waikiki.

Sua’s comment: Eungngae! (baby sounds)

Sua’s comment: Heol I ate pork belly yesterday too....Nyah...ㅎㅎㅎㅎ

Sua’s comment: Kukurubbingbbong is a drama...?

Sua’s comment: I thought you were recommending a dramaㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ What are you doing!!!!

Sua’s comment: Oh! Kongnamul-bulgogi, malatang, galbi-jjim! Wah this is crazy. Wah!!!!

Sua’s comment: Wah galbi!!!!!!

Sua’s comment: Thank you for the awesome drama recommendations♥️

Sua’s comment: I thought I've seen a lot of dramas but there are still those that I've yet to watch

Sua’s comment: Everything I recommend is good. Trust me.ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ

Sua’s comment: I'm into yogaㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ

Sua’s comment: ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ Ah ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ cute. I was out for awhile and Somnias were looking for me. They're so cute, hitting my head...

Sua’s comment: 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️This is what happiness looks like in life Ahh!!!!!! I love it

Sua’s comment: ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋSua....I can't stand this anymore....

Sua’s comment: I'll just have to watch Penthouse....

Sua’s comment: I....can't stand it!!!!!!!!!

Sua’s comment: Seems like my patience doesn't last long...I can't even hold this in..Let's just enjoy this

Sua’s comment: Ah!!!!!!Time (Wait)!!!!!!!Should I watch or not....???????🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️

Sua’s comment: Oh......It's more important because there's more to watch? Huhuhuhu

Sua’s comment: My name is Bora too so I'm going to go and watch 🙋🏻‍♀️🙋🏻‍♀️Yoohoo!!!!!!! (Bora can also mean watch in Korean)

Sua’s comment: Look at the Penthouse, Borabora🕺🏻Yayy!!!! Boraaaaaaaaaaa🙋🏻‍♀️🙋🏻‍♀️🙋🏻‍♀️🙋🏻‍♀️

Sua’s comment: Heol....It has only been 10 seconds in and what's happening......🙃

Sua’s comment: I'll keep the dramas aliveㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ Wah...It was so shocking that I couldn't help but show upㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ I'll see you again Chongchongchong🐥🐥🐥

Sua’s comment: I'm here to wind down......How did you watch this? Ah..19...ㅎ Still...it's a little...hmm..I dunno

Sua’s comment: I really need to get a hold of myself.... I think I'll be done before the drama finishesㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ Ah Penthouse is hard..it's spicy

Sua’s comment: If there's a breath-holding challenge, I think I'll win first place I don't think I've been breathing for the past 10 minutes....

Sua’s comment: ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ I don't think I can watch this while eatingㅋㅋㅋ It could make you sick

Sua’s comment: Yes!!!! I'm watching it alone!! Looks like I have to watch it slowly🥵

Sua’s comment: I'm going to watch the 2nd episode nowㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ It's fun, it's fun, it is so much funnnnnn!!!!!

Transl: 7-Dreamers Hecate & Inch | Please do not take without credit

#dreamcatcher #sua #210227 #era: drtu #p: weverse #p: selca #t: trans

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taekooktimeline · 3 years

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I wanna share this thoughts, so last year bts finally appeared at Tokopedia show right? Mostly just interview. But the host didn't share any after pics and off stage story with them on his YT channel, he did that with other artists. And when asked why, he said he had signed agreement to not reveal anything except the official release. So BH is very careful abt everything, even in a harmless and controlled environment like this interview which obviously had scripts and guidelines 1/2

Kayla: Hi Thanks for bringing up tokopedia. So I will say two things in general 1. I am not entirely sure about all other companies but I imagine most companies are careful or have some form of NDA (may not for everything but some shows) when they go on variety shows or such because it’s better safe than sorry and if someone films something without the permission of BTS or BH then it would require legal action 2. BTS has actually also stopped attending variety shows and such for awhile now because they were not comfortable with how hosts and certain pockets of the public treated BTS (especially in their earlier years, there are a couple videos on YouTube that highlights this mistreatment, it’s really sad though so watch at your own risk). That’s why they created RUN and do things like the NYE shows, or how BTS stopped attending an award show all together because of their treatment.

However, on the topic of documentaries and just BTS content in general I think that this is something important to bring up. As fans, we only get to smidge of their lives. We personally get to see a lot more than a lot of other groups. It’s actually really interesting from an academic perspective, South Korea is considered one of the most technologically connected OECD countries, yet KPOP idols had never fully utilized social media and such to their advantage. And I don’t mean posting some MVs but BH created Bangtan TV, filmed Bangtan Bombs, a twitter account to interact with their fans, and then they had weverse as well. They really [almost established] this new form of interaction between the fans and the idols, because social media makes everyone psychologically feel like they��re more connected because we are—we see them backstage, see them at shoots, they talk to us through the camera, etc.

They are a lot more connected to their fans, however, it’s still important to recognize that we still only see a portion of life on the screen. They have down time, private time, family time, and couple time like any other people. That’s normal. They’re human. So we should think that just because they do something or don’t do something that we’ve seen the full story—there is a lot that goes behind the scenes. There are plenty of moments that we might have seen or not have seen. I think this is something that’s important to recognize. We don’t know everything. Even us, who have made this TL, there are parts where we don’t know everything and we have to say that this is an educated guess/speculation based on their previous actions or what they have said/or didn’t say. But we can’t know for sure.

I will agree though. BTS are super private about their private life. As they should be, the celebrity life can be incredibly invasive, let alone KPOP idol life.

————

Sara: I’m glad BH is taking those actions to give BTS some sense of privacy and comfort. I guess they are at a stage in their career where they can decline all that extra promo & over-coverage. I wonder if they’d do the same even without taekook in the picture. But yes, it goes to show that they are very careful with what they let the public know about. Everything you see is carefully controlled and fits the plan, their crafted image.

// Sara’s *New* general disclaimer: a lot of my mental energy & free time goes into reviewing, researching, analyzing and theorizing to reach solid conclusions for the actual timeline - which is always susceptible to modifications. I’ll do the bare minimum when it comes to asks and interacting with readers because it’s too much for me, so I’ll let Kayla set the pace of this section & I’ll add quick thoughts. If we didn’t have a timeline to work on I’d love to spend time properly discussing with you all but I’d rather hear you out, select topics of interest and tackle them through periodic videos, posts or timeline additions, making sure to feel confident about my take on things because I’m normally an extreme overthinker and I don’t feel comfortable talking without enough caution. Asks don’t really allow me time to mull so I’ll keep them short - unless I’m inspired to rant. I personally get overwhelmed with interactions and easily shut down. We are all different. Sorry if that disappoints some of you. Hope you remember that - behind the scenes - I’m very much dedicated to the timeline and it occupies a lot of my time + I’m trying to focus on protecting it’s integrity instead of stressing and preoccupying my mind trying to cover more than what I’m personally able to based on MY circumstances and way of functioning. So yes, I’ll prioritize the actual timeline and my mental health but I’ll make an act of presence. //

#taekooktimeline #asks #discussions

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rainyvoidwhispers · 3 years

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Thank You, Min Yoongi for D-2

Yoongi saved 2020.

Or at least, he saved my 2020.

During the first few months of the pandemic he flooded Twitter and Weverse with beautiful selfies, started his painting vlogs on YouTube, participated in a historic Just Dance Vlive with Jimin and Jin, and gave us the best Saturday mornings with his weekly Honey FM 06.13 radio show that lead up to the 2020 Festa.

And finally, he gave the greatest gift of all: D-2. His second mixtape as Agust D.

I don't think I can ever express how much D-2 means to me. How this album, and in particular the tracks: "28" and "People" made me want to kill myself less.

I was at my breaking point in May of 2020. I was 26. Still living with my mother, in a state and city I didn't want to be in. Working two jobs (one of which I absolutely hated) that had nothing to do with what I went to university for. I had zero motivation to write, read, or do anything. My closets friends were 1,000 of miles away. And with the new pandemic I felt completely and totally stuck and isolated. I felt like a failure. I wanted to know why I was still living and what there was to live for. I wanted to die.

All of these emotions had building and been sitting in my head and over my entire being like a shadow for so long, that when I first listened and read the lyrics to "28", it felt like someone had grabbed me by the hand and said, "I see what you are going through and I've felt it too".

I cried so hard that night.

"28" almost feels like Yoongi has known me for years. Or at least since 2017.

The themes of dreams, BTS talks about throughout their discography has always connected with me. I've had a specific dream since middle school. And pursued that dream as much as I could. But, I have felt stuck ever since. For the past 3 years my mind has been in an endless loop of asking these exact words Yoongi sings:

"Where did the fragments of my dream go"?

"I thought I'd change when I turned twenty / I thought I'd change when I graduated"

"Though I'm breathing / it feels like my heart has broken down"

I felt seen. I felt heard. I felt like someone understood, and wanted to let me know that they understood.

And then when I finally read "People", my god. That was like getting a hug after the raw emotions from "28".

Even without the lyrics, just hearing the first few notes of that song. It brings a wave of warmth and love that cannot be described.

Yoongi sings:

"Sometimes you might be in pain again / Sometimes you might get upset and shed tears / What about it / If you live like that what about it"

The only time I've ever gotten permission/reassurance to feel this sadness and fear of failure is from my therapist and friends. And at the time, I think it had been awhile since hearing that. Thank you Yoongi for telling me that.

I really wanted to go in depth about the lyricism of "28" and "People" and what they mean to me and a lot of other armies. But, in the end I just really wanted to express how much gratitude I have for Yoongi for writing these songs, and all of D-2.

Currently, I'm doing much better now. I'm on anti-depressants. I'm currently at a job I really like, and actually has some connection to what I actually want to do with my life. And I'm getting closer to possibly being able to live on my own before the end of this year.

I never saw this happening for me last year. And I truly believe I wouldn't have never been able to seen it had it not been for D-2 and Yoongi.

So, thank you Yoongi for releasing D-2 and for doing your absolute best to stay connected with us, and distracting us from the shitty situations happening in our lives. Thank you for always being honest and open with us, as much as you can.

Thank you for saving me in May 2020.

#yoongi #d 2 mixtape #bts suga #1 year with d2 #agust d

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joonsdiary · 5 years

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a small price.

pairing: namjoon x reader genre: angst / idol au wc: 3,1k+ summary: where namjoon ponders the worth of being an idol. warning: mentions of possible depression. also mentions some scenes on their recent movie regarding jungkook’s injury and them being/feeling overworked in general. a/n: based off of namjoon’s recent post on weverse.

Namjoon reads the prose repeatedly, making sure that there are no words amiss or there wasn’t anything that the fans could potentially spin to be incriminating against the company. Just don’t get us in trouble, Namjoon, is what they had said, but he feels it is more than that—they won’t just brush it off if he does make a mistake. He knows his musings aren’t new to the fans, so he hopes this one can just fly under the radar, too, undetected.

“Again, post something that will show your…more humane side,” one of the coordinating staff responsible for their social media had said. “Just don’t get us in trouble, Namjoon.”

The conversation plays over and over in his head as his palms begin to sweat profusely. What does it even mean—to be more humane? Namjoon questions the authenticity of the words he had written himself, doubting whether or not it was good enough to be considered “humane”. He finds himself questioning if anything is ever good enough these days, whether it was for him or for the company.

One sentence stands out at him: “I think I understand how an actor feels when they’re in a drama.”

He’d read a book recently, titled, “Presentation of Self in Everyday Life” and that’s where he got the actor statement from. The author suggests that human beings were like actors, whose actions change depending on who they interact with in their everyday lives.

Namjoon feels that way. As RM, as the leader of his company’s group, there are certain things he must and must not do, things that he can say openly, and things that he cannot. He knows he has a clear grasp on his mind of what he wants to convey when he’s performing RM, and a simple rehearsal always makes sure of that.

But as Namjoon? He isn’t so sure.

As Namjoon, standing in front of his bathroom mirror, he has the urge to question if the eyes staring back at him from the reflection was his own. When was the last time he had the freedom of just standing in front of the mirror for hours to just ponder about existence, anyways?

He doesn’t know either if the sincerity containing the letters actually reach across those he wants to send a message to; was anyone even paying attention anymore, or are they all caught up in mundane things so they completely miss the point? Does anyone still care that he writes these things out for the whole world to read?

What’s worse is that the days become a blur to him now, each event moulding into one whole incomprehensible memory. He remembers watching the movie that the company made and he almost laughs at himself for not recalling the events he watched.

“Did this really happen?” he leaned over to Jimin, wondering if he knew about the scene playing out on the screen. Jimin merely shrugged in response.

“I think so, but I don’t remember it being like this.”

It’s odd, having little to no recognition of what is supposed to be the most memorable moment of his life. Namjoon is partially sure he does not have anyone in his family who has Alzheimer’s—even his own grandmother could still remember events from her youth as if they occurred just yesterday. This bothers Namjoon to an extent, but he figures it could just be fatigue. The members agree and the staff reiterates the fact that it was normal to be exhausted.

“Would you rather be swamped with work or doing nothing at all, lounging in the dorm like an unemployed person?”

Namjoon smiles ruefully at the memory. If he does remember something distinctly, it would be the fact that they were reprimanded a couple of years back—during their “Love Yourself: Her” promotion—for questioning the intentions of the company. Taehyung was the victim that time, though, because he just so happened to faint in front of the fans during one of their comeback stage specials. Being the leader, Namjoon approached the staff, full of concern about Taehyung’s physical well being. That was what the staff said in the middle of their altercation of words: be tired, but have comebacks and do promotions, or rest and do nothing in the dorm with no paychecks in sight? Taehyung would thank him later that night, nonetheless, for sticking up for him. Namjoon had merely ruffled the hair of his teary-eyed friend.

“How exactly is this more humane?” Namjoon recalls hearing Yoongi whisper under his breath when the movie cuts to the part where Jungkook was agonizing over his lacerated ankle. Namjoon simply turns back and reminds him that they had mic’s on and were filming for a reaction video.

That seems like a very recent occurrence for them—filming reactions of themselves to be re-sold on some form of “season’s greeting” DVD. He isn’t entirely sure. Namjoon finds it odd, too, watching something that you hardly remember happened.

“It’s why I should start writing things like these here, right? Before I completely forget them all,” he reads the post aloud for the nth time. His words feel redundant but foreign at the same time, because he thinks he’s written this before somewhere on one of their several social media platforms a few months back. He is unsure. Though it didn’t matter, because he is here making a damned post again, anyways. It feels laborious to him, like anything is these days, but he hopes fans will appreciate it.

Here goes nothing. Hopefully the company deems it clean enough to post. They did say to be more authentic.

“I believe that we all have it in us—the ability to shine in our own way. Sleep tight!”

He ends the post, hits send and goes to bed.

His phone buzzes around three a.m. and he grapples around the bed to find it.

“I’m just wondering if you’re ok,” the text reads. It’s from you, a friend he’d known since middle school. You kept in touch and texted occasionally—which means it was either a greeting of “Congratulations on the BBMAs” or “Congratulations on being artist of the year” a few times a year. The last time you truly saw each other in person was five years ago, shortly after their debut.

Namjoon is perplexed at the text. He searches his name hurriedly on the web, trying to see if there is news of him that came out, even though he knows well enough that he hasn’t done something incriminating or scandalous. Just to make sure, he tells himself.

Nothing comes up, of course.

“Yeah I am, why do you ask? And at this hour?” he texts back.

The reply is almost instant.

“I saw your long post circulating on social media. It seemed like you were having troubles with life in general, so I’m just checking up on you.”

“I’m ALWAYS having trouble with life in general,” Namjoon grins playfully at his reply, not caring if he was being bothered so late in the hours. It’s been awhile since he caught up with you and his other friends so he didn’t mind the current company.

“Are you being sarcastic with me right now, Joon?”

“No, just being realistic,” Namjoon says and you don’t reply for awhile, which makes him think that you had fallen back asleep.

“You said on the post that you’re hardly remembering stuff from even just a year ago?” you text again.

“Yeah.”

“The same thing happens to my dad. But you see, he has two jobs, right? And so what happens is he ends up working everyday, Monday through Sunday, with only holidays as a day off. Sometimes that happens after months, so he’s constantly grinding with only sleep as his time off.”

You pause before hitting send, your fingers somehow shaking as you do. But you continue nonetheless.

“He tells me that he’s starting to confuse what events happened in which days because he’s so exhausted to the point where his body would break down sometimes at work, and I worry for him. I feel like…as his child I should be doing more to prevent him from overworking himself.”

Tears are now welling up in the corner of your eyes as you told him your story, but you know it didn’t matter because Namjoon couldn’t see you. And you’re thankful for that fact, otherwise you would’ve burst out crying like an overfilled dam.

“So as your friend, I feel obliged to check up on you. Please tell me that you’re getting proper rest.”

Namjoon did not know what to say. Looking at it from his friend’s perspective makes it seem like what he’s doing was exactly that: being overworked to the point of mental and physical fatigue. Days would blend into nights, and he felt terrible to the fans that he could not remember which concerts happened where, and when. He wants to say thank you to the company for filming the movie and reminding him of these things, but he recalls the disturbing scenes of them crying, Jungkook’s agonizing groans as he was being treated for his injury, and the fact that they were followed by the camera relentlessly, that he takes those thankful thoughts back.

He realizes he would rather forget. For what use is the memory when most of them are painful reminders of how exhausted they all always are?

“It’s worth it, for the satisfaction of fans,” their staff would always say, and they would all nod in agreement, almost robotically at times. Did Namjoon still believe that, truly, in his heart?

“It’s all worth it though, for the fans,” Namjoon doesn’t answer his friend’s statement of getting rest and instead mimics the phrase he’s heard from the company a million times.

You roll your eyes once you read the message.

“I get that without the fans, you guys will not be where you are currently. But surely they understand that you are human beings too, right? If one member bows out of the group because they can no longer handle it, then who is to blame?”

Namjoon blinks for a moment and doesn’t respond. The fans surely know they’re human beings, right?

“That’s the point of connecting to them and posting things like that on social media and stuff; so they can feel the authenticity. The company shows that too by having clips of us crying and being vulnerable—according to them it enables fans to connect to us more as human beings.”

Your mouth is agape at his statement, unable to process if what you’re reading is satire or if Namjoon is being truthful.

“That’s great and all, it’s a good example to show that men can be, and are allowed to be vulnerable. But being filmed exhausted and having cameras on you all the time when you’re crying and in pain, then selling it to the masses is not healthy. There should be a boundary between personal space and what can be shown to your fans.”

You shudder as you recall the movie your friends have forced you into going to the theatre to watch. Most of the viewers were young, impressionable teenagers who wept at the sight of their idols in distress and laughed at moments that seemingly was intended for humour; in essence, scenes that involved the guys attempting to speak a different language. It made you feel odd that the company did not cut explicit scenes of them having a hard time physically and emotionally. You get the part where touring is tough and that there are accidents that can occur due to the nature of the job, but you can see how the company is also incriminating themselves by showing on film that the members are being pushed to the brink of total collapse. You are by no means an athletic trainer but you know that they will advice against their athletes pushing themselves too far. There has to be a balance, and you hope the company is doing the same for Namjoon and the others.

You did not know the extent of their exhaustion but you can feel it in Namjoon’s post; it’s the reason why you chose to message him so late to see if he is okay. He had always been overtly sentimental and a little too dramatic for his own good at times, but the post you saw seemed different. It alarmed you enough to text him at odd hours of the night, just to see if he was okay.

“I mean no disrespect to your work and your fans. I’m just worried, Namjoon. I know you’re an adult capable of making your own decisions but sometimes it’s not bad to see things in a different perspective,” you hit send when he doesn’t reply to your previous text.

It is at that point Namjoon realizes what exhaustion truly meant. After reading your last text his heart felt hollow, chest constricting in a way that makes him feel like the air is getting thinner, therefore harder to breathe. He tries to swallow the lump forming on his throat as he begins typing a response. His head throbs painfully and he winces, trying to suppress the awful sensation.

“Honestly it’s hard, trying to keep up with everything. I see the pain in each of the members eyes every time they try to mask their exhaustion. I know it’s hard for them but as a leader it feels like I have no choice but to tell them to keep moving forward, keep looking at tomorrow, because looking back at the past is too painful.”

Namjoon hits send and sighs, feeling slightly cathartic after venting to you even for only a little bit. He fights the urge to break down and cry, reprimanding himself for getting carried away.

“There are times where I doubt if this is all worth it. Back then it used to be just about making music and—,” Namjoon pauses and re-reads the words he had just typed. His hand hovers over the erase button before pressing it and deleting the message.

The key is to be positive. All the time. Love yourself, right? That’s what BTS preaches. Namjoon thinks that if he doesn’t think positively like RM does, what is even the point of continuing? So he buries it; all the emotions he feels like he needs to let out—he suppresses them all.

“I just have to simply keep moving forward. The members trust that I can guide them to a more promising tomorrow, and that’s what I have to do.”

He waits for your response.

“I think that’s the problem.” You reply to Namjoon without supplying much, and he is astonished to read what you have to say. What do you mean, which one’s the problem?

But his question will soon be answered because he sees you typing.

“You focus too much on tomorrow that you lose sight of the present. Now. What’s bothering you now, Namjoon?” You ask but don’t wait for his reply as you begin once again.

“Also the fact that you’re focusing on getting through today in hopes for a better tomorrow means that your present currently feels suffocating and distressing. Are you truly okay?”

He hates that you are right. He hates that you see right through him, despite only talking to him via messages. He hates that now he has to mull about things that have happened already, hoping to prove to you that you are wrong—that the present he once lived through and are now his past, are in fact not suffocating and distressing.

“You are bothering me now, for making me think so much about these things at ungodly hours of the night,” he sends you, which is a weak attempt at humour. He hopes to steer you away from that conversation because he is afraid of the grim truth he might uncover. “For real though, I think I’ll be okay. We’re currently on vacation, you know.”

“Did you have to film something to be released later?”

“Yes,” is his guilty reply.

“Then that’s not a real vacation.”

“We can’t just stop working, the company needs us.”

“AH! And there it is. I’m a sociology major so don’t fight me on this, Namjoon, but no matter how angelic your company’s visions were when debuting you, the fact is right now you’re top commodity. They can’t let you rest until they’ve maximized profit from you and the guys. Corporations will always care about profit over their worker’s right first and foremost.”

He tries to be open and non-biased about what you are saying and despite him not liking your choice of words, he does have to agree. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that the company currently profits the most out of them.

“Okay you’re right. I must admit though, it’s not all bad. We get to go to places we’ve never gone to before, ate food I don’t think I’ll ever get to try otherwise, and met people that have changed my life.”

Namjoon nods at himself, satisfied with his answer.

“At the expense of your physical and mental health? Of your privacy? Your right to walk alone in the streets without being constantly mobbed?”

Namjoon isn’t going to be a saint and say that he obviously doesn’t think about those things for the sake of the fans, but he does. Despite that, he knows contemplating these things is useless because bringing these issues up with the company is the equivalent of spitting at an image of a deity at church—it’s taboo, and you could get kicked out for doing so. He loves music enough to keep himself and the guys in line, willing to do what the company tells them to. Deep in the crevices of his mind, he knows that an opportunity like this will never come twice in his life, and that’s what makes it so lucrative, so addicting.

“A small price to pay.”

He hits send. You don’t reply and he thinks you have either fallen asleep (for real this time) or you simply choose to ignore his stubborn answer. Either way, he will just have to find out if he wakes up the next morning.

“Thank you for worrying about me, nonetheless. You’re a better therapist than our actual psychiatrist,” Namjoon chuckles as he delivers the final message before turning his phone off and sliding it underneath his pillow. Several thoughts swim his mind and he doubts whether he’ll be able to fall back asleep.

“A small price to pay,” he says out loud, as if trying to convince himself of the con he’s been told half of his life.

A small price to pay, is what he hears from the CEO himself when they were all in his office during the time they re-signed their contract.

A small price to pay, is what he lectures the members when the going gets tough.

But is it just a small price to pay?

Namjoon is unsure, deep down, and it terrifies him.

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