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sukuna-dees-nuts · 8 days

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rizzless sukuna pt 4

part 1 | part 2 | part 3

at long last!!! it's here, im back!

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It’s been about two weeks since Sukuna had his date with Megumi. His mood is the best it’s been in awhile; the change is enough for his parents to notice. When they try questioning him about it, he brushes them off with an easily crafted lie. He’s not quite ready to tell them that he’s possibly dating his younger brother’s best friend (who they almost consider their own son at this point).

Sukuna isn’t ashamed or anything. He knows that his parents wouldn’t give a flying fuck if he told them he isn't straight, but he also didn't think it necessary to tell them anything. Who cares? It isn’t anyone’s business but his own. They’ll figure it out when Sukuna brings Megumi as his date to dinner or something. The idea alone gives him butterflies and he scowls at himself.

He and Megumi have been texting back and forth nearly nonstop since their date. Well, nonstop in the sense that he talks to Megumi more than anyone else, which only happens to be his brother and Maki. Sukuna has never been one to hold a conversation (which was obvious during their date), but there’s something about Megumi that makes Sukuna want to talk. He wants the conversation to keep going. Every time it drops, he finds himself picking it back up again, usually with a movie related question.

Megumi still questions the fact that Sukuna says that he is not a movie buff simply due to the amount of movies that the older boy has seen. The more Megumi mentions it, the more Sukuna starts to believe it himself and he curses his younger brother’s effect on him, not that he’d ever admit it to Megumi or Yuuji.

At the moment, the two of them are arguing over who is better: The Joker or Loki.

Raisin Boy: Idk I think that Joker could outmatch Loki

Sukuna's jaw drops and his thumbs furiously tap away at the screen, not listening to whatever Yuuji is saying to him. He's in the middle of an important argument!

’There's no way. Loki has Joker beat 100 times over! He’s taken punches from Thor and The Hulk, and he has magic. There's nothing the Joker could do to Loki!’

He huffs and drops his phone onto his leg, crossing his arms over his chest as he waits for Megumi's reply.

“What’s got your panties in a twist?” Yuuji asks, briefly glancing at his brother before looking back to the screen so that he can dodge an attack.

Sukuna shakes his head and scoffs, “Your shitty gaming skills. You still haven't beaten this boss?”

The younger boy grunts. He stays quiet for a moment as he concentrates before he replies, “His spinning maneuver that he does always catches me off guard.”

Another beat of silence stretches between them and Sukuna momentarily forgets about his little argument with Megumi as he watches Yuuji rolling around on the screen. He manages a few hits on the boss character before ultimately meeting his doom when he goes into his spin attack and kills Yuuji’s character immediately.

Yuuji huffs and slumps back against the couch in defeat. “See what I mean?”

“Gimme that,” Sukuna grumbles. Reaching over, he snatches the controller out of his brother’s hands. He leans forward and rests his elbows on his knees (his ‘boss fighting position’ as Yuuji has appropriately named it).

The only sounds in the living room are the sound of Sukuna’s fingers rapidly hitting buttons on the controller and Yuuji’s gasps in surprise. He sits up with wide eyes as he watches Sukuna effortlessly fight this boss character that Yuuji has been struggling with for about a week now. Of course, leave it to Sukuna to pick up on Yuuji’s slack.

When Sukuna’s phone dings, his concentration goes out the window and he glances down at his phone to see who the message is from. A bad decision on Sukuna’s part because within that same second, his character dies from a large attach from the boss, leaving Yuuji’s character defeated once again.

“Wh—Sukuna!” Yuuji groans. “You almost had it!”

Sukuna shrugs and tosses the controller back to his brother. He picks up his phone with a shrug, unlocking it to read Megumi’s message. “Sucks.”

Yuuji stares at his older brother for a long moment, taking in the expression on his face. There isn’t a smile per se, but he notices the way Sukuna’s features seem to relax when he reads the message he just got. It makes Yuuji raise an eyebrow in intrigue. Who could he be talking to that would earn just barely a hint of a smile from Sukuna?

He leans over, trying to peer at Sukuna’s screen, curiosity getting the better of him. “Who are you talking to?” Yuuji asks.

The older boy’s trance is broken at the sound of Yuuji’s voice and whatever “smile” was on his face falls immediately and he narrows his eyebrows at his brother. “What?” he asks, instinctively leaning away from Yuuji.

“You never just lose a boss battle because someone texted you. Who is it?” Yuuji asks again, a shit-eating grin on his face and he leans even closer to try and get another look at Sukuna’s phone.

Sukuna scoffs and shoves Yuuji away roughly. “None of your damn business.”

“Well it has to be someone!”

“Yeah, I’m asking the adoption agency if they’ll take you back if we still have the receipt.”

“I wasn’t even adopted!”

Sukuna raises an eyebrow. “Are you sure about that? I’m hot and you’re…” He pauses, his eyes quickly glancing over his brother and grimaces, “eugh.”

Yuuji’s jaw drops. “What do you mean eugh? We look the same! We have the same face!”

Sukuna slowly turns his attention back to his phone, turning his body so that Yuuji can’t peek at his screen. “Whatever helps you sleep at night, buddy.”

With a shake of his head, Yuuji kicks his brother in the leg and goes back to playing his game, grumbling under his breath.

Focusing back to his phone, the older boy goes back to replying to Megumi. He types out a message only to backspace and try again. This happens 3 or 4 times which seems to be enough to concern Megumi because another message pops up.

Raisin boy: I'm just pulling your leg 😂 I agree that Loki is far better than Joker

Sukuna’s jaw drops as he stares at the message. Another one pops in.

Raisin boy: As your brother likes to say… Got em

Unable to keep himself from chuckling, Sukuna shakes his head and his mouth cracks a smile. “Oh my God.”

Yuuji glances over, his attention caught by the sound of his brother laughing. “Okay, seriously, who are you messaging?”

“Shut up,” is Sukuna’s reply.

Raisin boy: And you say that you’re not a movie buff

Biting his lip, Sukuna mulls over what he wants to say next. Since they’re on the topic of movies, he wants to ask Megumi to come over when his family isn’t home so they can actually watch The Exorcist and The Conjuring together as they’ve had planned.

He kicks Yuuji in the leg. “Do you still have plans with your friend Johnny or whatever on Thursday?”

Yuuji makes a face. “... you mean Junpei?”

“Yeah, sure.”

The younger boy slowly nods his head. “Uh yeah, why—”

“'K, thanks.”

Sukuna begins typing out his message, asking Megumi if he’s busy on Thursday afternoon. He hopes whatever higher being is out there watching that the other boy isn’t busy. It’s almost disgusting to Sukuna how much he wants to spend time with Megumi. Sukuna doesn’t even want to spend this much time with his own friends. Or friend, in this case. Maki doesn’t mind, of course. She has her own life and isn’t reliant on Sukuna for socialization.

“Who are you bringing over?!” Yuuji exclaims, dropping the controller to turn his full body in Sukuna’s direction. “That’s the only explanation!”

Sukuna scoffs. “Wouldn’t you like to know?”

“I would!”

The next thing Sukuna knows, Yuuji lunges at him. He tries to grab the phone out of Sukuna’s hands but his grip is strong, the two of them playing tug-of-war with it. Yuuji tries twisting his body so that his back is facing Sukuna, pinning the older boy’s arms under his armpit to give him better leverage when attempting to pry the device out of Sukuna’s fingers.

“Yuuji, you brat! Let go!” Sukuna grunts.

“You first!”

Sukuna makes the decision to let go with one hand so that he can tickle Yuuji’s side, in hopes of making his brother lose his grip. It works, but not in the way that he had hoped. The phone slips free of Sukuna’s fingers and Yuuji’s jerky movements are enough to send it falling and sliding acros the hardwood floor.

Naturally, Yuuji dives for it first, scrambling along the ground to grab it. He cheers in victory and flops down on his back, holding the phone above his face as he reads the name on the screen. Sukuna is quick to jump to his feet as he snatches the phone out of his brother’s hands. However, the damage is already done, judging by the confused look on his face.

Yuuji sits up, yelling after his brother's retreating figure. “Who the hell is Raisin boy?!"

#jjk #sukuna #sukufushi #yuji #rizzless sukuna #credit to nessieartss for yujis line at the end because we had a great conversation with that #echo writes #im realizing that megumi is a little like ooc in this with how invested he is with sukuna #but let me have this one dorky series alright #also sukuna is kinda ooc but im working on it

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skitskatdacat63 · 5 months

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For everyone who wanted bullfighter Nando when I mentioned it the other day, here you go :D

+ this one I don't feel like coloring yet(imagine he's in Ferrari colors!!!)

#did you know bullfighters dedicate their kill to a friend or member of the public by giving them their hat?#i really wanted to draw silly vettonso where fernando offers seb his hat #seb retires from bullfighting(yeah its an au now) and fernando in his green costume is like;#'here is my hat. now will you come back from retirement? 🥺'#but yeah feel very abnormal abt that ^ and also the thing abt them having someone who helps them get into their costume as a sacred ritual #theres just a lot of thoughts and ideas floating around in my head bcs of it #anyways i liked drawing this but it was very suffering too and took me like 5 hours #its like. you see the intricate embroidery and im like ah! omg! i love painting details!!!#and then remember im not the best w coming up with ideas for the embroidery pattern itself #so pls bear with me 😭😭 mainly i was trying to reference the diamond logo of renault #but most of it kinda just ended up being austrian knots i guess bcs thats what my mind defaults to #i thought the shoulder pad would be the most difficult but that came together the easiest and made the rest actually work in my head #aaahhh also im surprised w the angle of his face! im usually not good at side profiles as well as tilted down heads #but i think he looks pretty good honestly???#also w the sketch i just wanted to post it bcs i liked his face okay 😭😭😭#i wanted to paint it too but I realized im so naive thinking i could paint two of these horrifically detailed things in one session #but his face 🥹🥹 i like it!!! theres some renault era pic of him i really like where hes sun drenched and angry looking #^ and i think i captured the vibe well so!!!!!#well anyways mayhe ill draw more of this. it was fun but also like sucked my life force out bcs it kept going from easy to 'I CANT DO THIS'#the pictures of matadors are just...insane to me. tiny waist fat ass flamboyant costume. im dead 🫠#f1 #formula 1 #fernando alonso #catie.art.#fa14 #matador au

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dsgustng · 2 months

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we had a craft fair in the mall and it's so jarring seeing people selling one of a kind hand made things next to stores selling a comparable- but mass produced product for literally twice the cost. For example a mass produced beanie being sold at Spencer's for more than the handmade ones. Handmade plushies almost the same price as squishmallows. Remember when the whole appeal of squishmallows was them being cheap? What happened to that? Money is so fake lmao.

#working in retail and seeing how much merchandise gets made and thrown away kinda just makes u realize this shit literally makes no sense #kinda on a similar note . indie games that will literally change u as a person costing like . 15 bucks but #triple a rushed out whatevrr costing 60 #its like maybe its just my autism but im so incredibly perceptive of the world around me and its weird when my coworkers -#who regularly experience the same things dont share my sentiment

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moonviewer · 1 year

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"Let’s run away.”

(unrendered > rendered

doing an illustration study with mafuyu’s new look :) )

#mafuyu asahina #nightcord at 25:00 #25 ji nightcord de #asahina mafuyu #project sekai #my art #aaaaaaaaaaa im kinda proud of this one aaaaaaaaaa #i dont usually like to draw portraits bc they bore me a bit.....#but i had this rare good day where i found painting to be really fun and relaxing #so i painted this just bc it was fun #it also made me realize damn i usually draw like im doing a job and just wanna get it over with...#maybe its bc im getting more familiar with the method of drawing that works best for me so its becoming more enjoyable?#anyway i really liked the unrendered version!!!! the rendered one is the final but i wanted someone to see the unrendered too bc i really #like it #thank you if you looked at it :)#i made it too saturated and happy though LOL #the mood of this character was supposed to be er more depressive...so hence the rendered changes the entire feeling #i tried to capture a rain mood i quite love doing atmospheric moods #i think it came out kinda good! until i look at it tmr and think no i suck though LOL #anyway it was fun to practice colors and moods and all that #lol tumblr is becoming a place for me to just dump my artistic endeavors

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b4kuch1n · 22 days

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tdov was like a week ago already but I just wanna say when I came over to vacation slash help my sworn brother move flat he told me, "ever since you said you wanted to get top surgery I've been thinking about it. it's straight up number two on my bucket list"

#bakuspeech #number one is a house bc obviously. if u can own a house wouldnt u #he was very drunk at that time of the evening. I was not bc I have the constitution of a hot air balloon and any stimulant will blow me up #(relatively new development. france fucked me up big time turns out)#we held hand on his bed for like the whole evening. it was honestly very funny in hindsight but we were extremely earnest in the moment #and Im like. working on this thing as well. I dont got meds or therapy lmao Im bootstrappin here #but yeah early last year his bf offered to get me meds and I... turned it down... I think I was worried abt like. idk. something #but one year past looking back Im fully like that was a stupid move you shouldve gotten meds. youve once again fucked urself baku #but yeah with that kinda realization Ive also come to realized I've somewhat? accepted. that I'm just gonna be. like this #this in light of a number of likely chronic stuff too (hence my balloon-like constitution lmao) and #that's kinda bled into the rest of me without me really noticing #but him bringing that up fully unprompted... kinda jolted me out of it #its just. really incredibly sweet. that someone doesn't want me to settle for what I make do with #and like. preps for that work. just kinda held my hand and told me it's possible to do this actually #I didn't really express how I felt very well in that moment I think my brain is very bad and I process emotions with like a day of delay #but. well. Im thinking abt it Right Now. so yknow thats the kind of impact that had on me lol #not super sure why I wrote all this down here really. I think I just want a good n nice reminder that object permanence is real #and I exist in my friends' life even when Im going insane in a hole by myself #and with the power of friendship we can alter the universe's plan for ourselves and also kill god #that's that. anyways I eat lunch now and then pass out probably. last night was... eventful lmao #but!! very good things on the horizon hopefully. well manifestly we hold hammers and we use them #have a good day lads. let's go out and slay monsters under a highway

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coolauntlilith · 7 months

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ATFC s1e8 Jerry has me fucking sick to my stomach about Simon's, "Wha- No, no! Why would I??"

I kinda am wondering if his lack of reaching Chaos Betty is maybe bc she now doesn't want him to reach her. If she's still kinda Betty, anyway.

Edit: I just finished my second rewatch and I do wonder where Golbetty is portalling him. 👀

#i mean. if i became half chaos deity & i could see the beginning & end of all & then realized the love of my life never really saw me......#i might block and fuck up his attempts to reach me too #did he ever give a damn about her career?? like in their 'normal' human lives??#she became useful for his work. would they have even bonded over her work??? did they at all in the original AT? bc i dont think so. :(#also he tried to not listen to her until she just said her thoughts on the vase or ran over the snake rocks. like she wasn't potentially #intelligent to him until she proved she was actually intelligent to him. like he just assumed he new better until she just did what she had #to do to prove herself. it was actually annoying to me the whole time. :(#i was glad that he wanted her to take credit for the expedition with him... but he also didnt fight for her there???#im kinda mad at Betty at that moment too. Betty. darling. you did work too lol #ugh. i hate that Simon is just “why would i go with her??” simon is a dumbass. hes all girldad but im wondering if he was a onesided bf :(#adventure time: fionna & cake #adventure time: fionna and cake #atfc #atfc s1e8 #simon petrikov #betty grof #chaos betty #golbetty #aunt posting

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bulbabutt · 5 months

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no offence to people who genuinely enjoyed james somerton and feel cheated but you could kind of tell he didnt give a shit about anything he ever said. there was no passion or personable anecdotes in anything he ever made, and the fact he was constantly posting videos was crazy. like if you watch your more popular video essayists theyre always coming from a point of 1) education in a field 2) passion in a subject and 3) being open about themselves

like , this man hopped on the video essay train because of the popularity of his peers and just tokened himself into "the gay video essayist" as if so many other people werent already doing that? and the lack of care for intersectionality was obvious. i stopped ever watching him after he took it personally that some marvel show was about black exploitation in america and not about two men kissing each other, cuz it became abundantly clear that was the only experience he gave a shit about (his own)

#idk im GENUINELY not trying to be rude im just saying be sus of people who dont put themselves in their work #like i remember lindsay ellis and dan olsen talking about their film school experience and then you look at their work and its like oh yeah #i see how this is their work because they know what theyre talking about and they enjoy it #and you can look at like quinton reviews or jenny nicholson deep diving into media for hours and its like theyre taking you on a journey #and you feel like youre watching them go crazy but steering the ship in a way only they can #or theres people like princess weekes who bring up their own experiences watching queer media and where they were at the time #she once was like “yeah i made i kissed a girl amv disney crossovers” LEADING ME TO REALIZE ID SEEN SAID VIDEOS 15 YRS AGO............#cuz i was subbed to her and she introduced me to all the things she said and we have a mutual queer experience from that kinda source lmao #anyway you can tell these people put themselves in their work!#and when it came to james that was just never there because nothing he ever said WAS his own experience #it was always money to him not passion or experience or community #idk this might be a nothing post but ive been thinking about it since watching the hbomb video

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theygender · 11 months

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Now that I've finally managed to put on some weight I've realized that when I wear a sports bra instead of just looking completely flat chested it kinda looks like I have pecs and now I am absolutely determined to get buff enough to make that a reality. All these years of being confused about why my dysphoria as a nonbinary person made me simultaneously upset that my boobs were too small and that I had boobs at all and it turns out that all I wanted all along was to have honkin men's tits but we just hadn't invented the concept of fat daddy milkers yet. Tumblr memes are helping me unlock new layers of gender

#honestly my shoulders are broad enough that it already kinda works but my arms are WEAK. spongebob looking mf #im still working on my upper body strength. lower body has always been easy for me but its ridiculously hard for me to gain upper strength #one day i WILL have muscles tho. i will be able to do at least one (1) pull up. that is my end goal #and if i end up with some bazonkers male bazongas thats just a nice bonus #this realization occurred after i already realized that the reason i like and also dislike being called babygirl #is bc i actually want to be called babygirl in a man way. like the way tumblr users say it about their unhinged fictional men #im unlocking genders that would never before have been possible #rambling

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chickenmcnuggies · 7 months

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sometimes I see you on my dash and I'm like "wow these posts are pretty good but I dont remember why I followed this person" and then I load up my dwarf fort with my beloved hippogryphs

YEAAAAH im glad you like them! the hippogriffs and griffons are two of my absolute favorite creatures, so im very biased to them :) (also glad that you can tolerate my other post lol)

i suppose on that topic, it gives me a good excuse to show off the last 6 beast/giant variants going into the mods since i already finished all their sprites.

first up is the stymphalian bird! it's a small bird with feathers composed of bronze. they're docile by nature but are capable of shooting out their metal feathers to attack their predators

...on the other hand there's the giant variant, which is vicious by extension of living in savage lands

speaking of giant variants, there's 5 other ones being added

(griffon, fae dragon, bicorn, warg (it's default sprite was changed and the old sprite repurposed), and chimera)

the other brand new creatures are:

owl bear, a large carnivore with claws capable of slashing through metal. inspired by the cool looking owl bears from baldur's gate 3 that i saw when a friend was streaming the game. can be war trained if tamed

basilisk and mandrake

the basilisk are aggressive carnivores which possess a gaze that can turn their prey to stone, similar to the gorgons. unlike the gorgon's stare though, supposing their victim doesn't die while in statue form, they will return to normal after an in game week (they dont require food/water/breathing while afflicted)

Mandrake are small plant creatures who live rarely in underground lakes, where they 'breed' by planting their seeds in the ground. upon death they drop their seeds which can be planted to make very potent ale. the ale has many beneficial effects, such as helping infection and stress relief, but also has a grocery list of rare (2-10% odds) of triggering multiple ill side effects, such as nausea and sending a person into a fit of rage. made entirely just to make taverns all the more FUN

something i didn't plan to add, but added based on request: a tressym! flying cats from forgotten realms (and also baldur's gate) that i thought looked cool and had interesting enough lore to make a good addition. I only actually finished their sprites earlier tonight, and their raws aren't made yet.

going off what i read about them, they were going to be the same size as a cat, capable of being 4 different colors/coat patters, and immune to poison. it also mentioned them being able to see invisible creatures, so i'd like to play around with them having extra vision/high stats to be able to detect ambushers, tho i'd need to test to make sure they dont completely trivialize it. Was planning to make them like the griffons and wargs, where they have the [PET] token, but not [COMMON_DOMESTIC], so there's a chance for dwarves and humans to tame them in world gen, but they would hopefully be very rare due to their spawn biome (taiga?) and frequency (was thinking around 7%)

last but not least, another mega beast, this time the Undead Dragon! an undead mega beast that's intended to be a similar difficulty to the bronze colossus. it lacks blood, and damaging organs or connections doesn't bother it. It is capable of raising corpses once a day, and breathing a cool breath that makes a target drowsy and nauseous. while it can of course be killed in the usual dwarven solutions (magma, crushing) it can also be killed instantly by being speared in the skull by a spear, or decapitated. it is not capable of flight due to it's body being too rotted.

#answered #modding #dwarf fortress #sorry if the response was much longer than you anticipated! but i realized i haven't shown stuff off in awhile #i did do a bit of balance testing with a fort last month but i haven't been playing df as much lately #i was pretty busy working on the last gay fates update but now that that's done-#the mythical beast update will hopefully be out around next month? idk i like testing pretty extensively #on one hand im not proud of the mandrake sprite on the other hand it's very silly and it charms me #i do think i kinda cooked on the giant sprites tho. im very proud of how they all turned out!#the giant griffon especially bc the regular griffon sprite was the very first one i did #and i still feel i didn't quite capture what i wanted to with it. though i have come to like the normal griffon sprite now

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ccasey0 · 30 days

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what's this? refs for mikey and leo in the spirit au? no way!

tada! drew these in church lol.

mikey lore first!

Mikey had always been splinter's golden boy. he was the best student and always got everything right on the first try. He had the best connections with the spirits, he always meditated perfectly, and he would constantly go up into the mountains to hang up charms. His brothers didn’t think of him as a teachers pet though. Quite the opposite. They loved him. They weren’t jealous. Well, maybe a little bit. But not to the point where they didn’t like him. Although, when Mikey decided to spend the night up in the mountain one day, all his brothers opposed the thought. They all had heard the legends of the tax collectors. They dark beings who roamed the woods, collecting souls of those who don’t belong or have ill intentions. Even though Mikey was practically the purest heart out there, his brothers didn’t think the risk was worth it. Mikey didn’t care, of course, and he went anyway. Which made the boys freak out when he didn’t return for the next three days. Turns out Mikey had somehow fallen asleep in a cave-like part of the brush, and the spirits transported him to the base of the spirit tree. When he woke up, the night spirit was there. He was sitting atop the small altar with a charm in his hand. Mikey instantly got on his knees and tried to find a suitable offering, but was stopped by the night spirit. They talked for a while and Mikey was amazed at how many things his village had gotten wrong, including The spirits name: Casey. Eventually, Casey brought Mikey home. When they reached the village, Casey stopped at the tree line while Mikey kept walking. When Mike looked back, the spirit was gone. In his place, stood a wooden staff with beautiful wood burned engravings all up it. And at the very top, hung a small decorative charm. It had and eclipse embroidered on it. Mikey gad never seen anything like it. He walked towards the staff, which was somehow standing upright by itself, and took it. When his hand made contact with the wood, the moon symbol appeared on the back of his hand. A gift. From the Spirit of the Night.

woo!! That was fun :D Leo’s turn!!

Leo had always been the funny one. The irresponsible one. They one who never listened and always joked around. He always talked and talked and talked. But today was different. Leo didn’t know how to react when Mikey came back from the woods with a staff and a smile on his face. Of course he rushed up to hug his little brother. Of course he asked millions of questions regarding to his safety and well-being. But when Mikey told his brothers that he met the night spirit and that the spirit gave him the staff, Leo was left speechless. Which was very abnormal for him. When he finally opened his mouth to say something though, Splinter had already entered the room. When their master saw the staff in Mikey’s hands, his eyes went wide. He ordered the other boys to exit the room and they obeyed. It was early in the morning, so the cool air made all of them shiver as they exited the hut. they could hear splinter speaking with mikey inside the building, and instantly leaned against the door to try and get a better listen at what they were saying. leo couldn't really tell what all the fuss was about. it was just a fancy stick. mikey probably just found it in the woods and made up an elaborate story about it. but one thing was for sure, ever since mikey got back, the air felt different. he couldn't explain it, but leo was sure the atmosphere was different. the air was cooler and the plants seemed greener. it was just.......strange. as he looked around at his surroundings, he could have sworn he saw four glowing yellow eyes watching him from the trees. but he blinked and they were gone. maybe there was more going on then he thought.

oke, that took a bit longer to think up than expected. sorry for not getting this finished sooner, It's holy week and things have been busy for my school and my family. anyways, i hope you enjoyed! i know this one was probably a bit all over the place, but i hope it made a little sense lol

@allyheart707 hope you like it :)

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the-one-who-lambs · 6 months

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Me: I don't know if my ideas are worth sharing, I'm losing engagement from my readerbase these past few months so I must be doing something wrong, I don't think I've really accomplished anything as a writer.

Some person in my AO3 comments hyped as FUCK for the Risen Lamb/Fallen God rewrite:

#hannah's rambles #negative kinda #I've been really feeling down about nearly everything i make lately and it's bothering me a lot #There was this not quite-well-meaning anon I got a few months ago that seemed to compliment me on the surface #But seemed very backhanded #Basically informing me “oh youre basically the most popular writer in the fandom. here are some ways im going to compare you to others”#and i tangentially kinda knew how readers viewed me as a good/semipopular writer but i just ignored it #because i primarily do it for fun #but it made me realize what readers actually do consider in works when theyre looking for a fic they want #and i feel like i've peaked already in a lot of ways #ugh #sorry for kvetching at yall but i feel like y'all deserve to know part of why im just not writing as much lately #sometimes i try to hype myself up so i can still feel like anything of mine is worth reading or writing in the first place #but it's not working anymore

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loosesodamarble · 7 months

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As Time Moves On Part 3: An Overdue Reconciliation

Summary: Nozel gathers his family for a discussion that needs to happen for the sake of the future of House Silva. Genre: general, hurt/comfort(?) Word count: ~3800

..........

Noelle gazed up at the grand visage of House Silva’s wing of the royal palace. The tall, sleek towers and spires. The windows that gleamed more like crystal than glass in the sunlight. It was beautiful but austere.

“Are you sure you’ll be okay?” a voice asked from behind her.

Noelle turned around to look at Finral as he leaned out of the portal he was holding open. His brows furrowed in concern and as much as he smiled, Noelle could tell it was something he forced at the moment.

“Don’t worry so much. I’m royalty, I’ll be fine here,” Noelle stated as she flicked one of her pigtails behind her shoulder. When Finral didn’t back into his portal, Noelle instead gave her squadmate a small grin. “I’m me, I can handle myself.”

The concern on Finral’s face loosened a bit. He almost receded into the portal before he extended an arm to Noelle. And from the look in his eyes, Noelle knew. She stepped over and let Finral give her a one-armed hug. She hugged him back.

“You better not come back to tell us you joined the Eagles, got it?” Finral muttered as he gave the back of Noelle’s shoulder a pat.

“If you really want to be stuck with me…” Noelle gave him a squeeze before they both let go.

The two gave each other a smile and nod before Noelle turned to House Silva again. Once upon a time, the palace was a cold and lonely prison. She took a deep breath. Then, she took her first step towards the door.

Today, she was returning to her first home.

.....

In one of the palace’s lounges, Noelle sat with Solid and Nebra with tea and snacks on the table between their seats. Nozel was still on his way, finishing squad business according to Nebra. So while the younger siblings waited, they decided to recount their actions from the night Clover Kingdom made their attack against the Spade Kingdom.

“You redirected a spell that large?!” Noelle exclaimed as she leaned forward in her seat.

“Don’t pretend to sound impressed!” Solid snapped back. “I bet you think you could’ve stopped it altogether!”

“I’m not pretending though!” Noelle said, a bit more forcefully than she meant to. “Just take a compliment, why don’t you?”

Solid made a “ngh” sound and his face started to burn red. “What you said was hardly a compliment! Besides, how do I know that you’re not just mocking me, huh?”

“Oh how pathetic that’d be,” Nebra muttered behind her hand. She leaned in Noelle’s direction. “Though if you want pointers on how to get on Solid’s nerves, I can share.” She winked at her sister.

“Yeah, no thanks.” Noelle hid a mildly disgusted look behind a sip of tea. And here I thought Nebra and Solid were as close as can be. Guess they’ll even turn on each other if it amuses them.

Her heart felt heavy at that idea. She’d always felt like she alone was pushed away and knocked down. But the cruel, cutthroat nature of House Silva could target her siblings too it seemed. It really had been for the best that Noelle never fit into that environment, that she wound up in the Black Bulls and became who she was in the present.

Had she been a fool for ever wanting to fit in with her family?

Noelle lowered her cup.

No. She wasn’t a fool for wanting to be close to her family. Rather, she was short-sighted for wanting to fit into a dynamic that tore down the weak instead of encouraging growing into strength.

Noelle glanced to her side to Nebra and in front of her to Solid. Their presence carried with them painful memories but… There was also a relief in knowing that they were okay after all was said and done.

“Ugh. What’s taking Nozel so long?” Nebra grumbled. “He was the one to summon us here yet he—”

The lounge doors were pushed open. And there Nozel was.

Noelle’s eyes went wide at Nozel’s appearance. Rather than his usual attire, Nozel wore a plain white tunic with a low collar. While it wasn’t anything revealing, seeing him dressed that way made Noelle realize that she’d never seen Nozel so casually. Nor had she seen his neck uncovered before. And it was a mildly jarring sight.

“Good afternoon, everyone,” he stated while walking in. The expression on his face looked like a smile but there was a pain to it that made it impossible for Noelle to believe he was happy. “I’m glad you all could make it today.”

In total silence, Nozel directed Solid to sit with Noelle and Nebra on the sofa before sitting in the armchair across from them.

“Nozel, why exactly are we here?” Nebra was the one to ask, being the most comfortable with approaching the eldest brother.

There was a moment of silence as Nozel took a deep breath then opened his eyes, meeting each other his younger sibling’s confused gazes with an intense one of his own. He looked more serious in that moment than he’d ever been in his entire life.

And having seen Nozel in the midst of the battle with Megicula, Noelle was shocked that such a feat was possible.

“It’s time that all of you learned the truth regarding our mother, Acier Silva’s, death,” Nozel stated plainly but resolutely.

“Truth?” Solid echoed. He glanced over in Noelle’s direction, his confusion quickly turning to anger. “But we know what happened to Mother! I saw her! So did you two!” Solid gestured to Nozel and Nebra. “She got sick before Noelle was born and she only got worse after! What more is there?”

Noelle trembled, not so much from Solid’s voice but his accusation. Even though Noelle knew the truth, faced the woman and devil behind Acier’s death, the blame was still on her within the walls of House Silva.

“There is much more to the story that you are unaware of, Solid,” Nozel coldly retorted, making Solid’s mouth immediately clamp shut. “If you’ll be quiet, I can explain.”

After Solid seemed to shrink back in his seat and Nozel took a deep breath to recompose himself, Nozel continued.

“To the rest of the world, Acier Silva died due to birth complications, contracting an unidentified illness when her body was in a weakened state after pregnancy and labor, thus the blame being put on Noelle.”

Something about hearing the false narrative, beyond simply “you are to blame” made Noelle’s stomach churn. So much so that she instinctively put a hand to her mouth.

“Now it’s true that our mother fell ill late into the pregnancy. It was the reason why she moved to the family’s estate near the border temporarily. Doctors believed a closer proximity to natural mana would strengthen her and a less stressful environment would be better for recuperation. I accompanied Mother on the trip out of concern for her and a yet unborn Noelle.”

Nozel paused and pursed his lips. His hands clenched and unclenched on his knees.

Noelle noticed and she wanted to reach over, to give him some kind of reassurance as he was delving into his memories, reliving the darkest time in his life. But she held back. She guessed that Nozel needed to say his piece, to bear the facts, before whatever pain was in his heart could be healed.

“Thankfully, that illness was merely an aggressive cold. Noelle was born without issue. And after that, Mother was able to recover in a few days, thanks to the environment and attentive care from healers. The servants were sent home early so that our mother, a newborn Noelle, and I would be granted privacy before our own return.”

“I remember that…” Nebra muttered with her eyes narrowed in annoyance. “The servants were back but you weren’t and I was so impatient.” She swallowed and her expression turned grim. “But if Mother had recovered after Noelle’s birth, then what…?”

“While the three of us were alone at the estate, that was when Mother’s true killer arrived. The devil Megicula and their human host.”

Choked gasps escaped Nebra and Solid’s throats at the words.

Nozel shuddered as he closed his eyes, the memories of that day clearly still haunting him.

With painful slowness, Nozel recounted that day.

How Acier had sensed a dangerous presence before Nozel had and instructed him to sneak off the premises while she went to fight the intruder. The way Acier stood before Vanica with resolute determination.

Nozel’s posture wilted as he recounted how he’d tried to watch the fight, as if he would’ve been able to do anything if he joined it. He explained that he had tripped and the jolt caused Noelle to wake and cry in fright. There was pure fear and horror in his eyes when he described how fast, how terrifyingly quickly, Vanica had moved to loom over him and Noelle.

He described Acier’s final attack and the noxious mana that enveloped her and Nozel when it happened. As he described the curse’s effects on himself, Nozel touched his exposed neck.

“With Acier returning to House Silva weakened after labor, it was all too easy for the blame to be put on Noelle. And because of the curse on me, I was unable to defend you, Noelle.” Nozel raised his head and looked at the youngest Silva. “For that, I’m eternally sorry.”

At that point, Noelle was in tears. Quiet but unrestrained tears.

She was not alone. Nebra and Solid were also crying as if their eyes were opened floodgates.

“It was a curse that killed her?” whispered Solid. His head was bowed and his whole body trembled. “And from a supreme devil? There’s no way…”

“But it’s the truth.”

“A curse that powerful should’ve given off some trace of magic,” Nebra retorted, trying to make sense of what she’d heard. “How did no one sense it? Especially if you were under the curse this whole time!”

Nozel closed his eyes and his shoulders appeared to slump further. “Megicula’s attribute was Curse-Warding. It’s a magic that makes curses harder, if not impossible, to break without killing the caster. It only makes sense that Megicula was able to leave a curse that was undetectable, even to the most trained magic users.”

“So for that whole year… Mother suffered more than we knew…” Nebra covered her mouth, trying to muffle her sobs.

“We were only kids at the time. It wasn’t our fault that we believed what we were told,” Solid muttered with his head turned away from Noelle.

The sorrow Noelle felt when Nozel recounted the past began to mix with a bubbling frustration inside from listening to her siblings. Her hands balled up on her knees.

“Is that really all you have to say?” The words left Noelle with little thought. “You’re really going to sit here feeling sorry for yourselves?” She rose from her seat. She glared at Solid and Nebra. “You’re just crying over being ignorant kids and not even apologizing for what you did in your ignorance! And you!” She turned to Nozel. “You say you’re sorry for not defending me but you didn’t even try!”

“Noelle, the conditions of the curse—”

“You could’ve easily worked around the curse!” Noelle snapped. “You never had to bring up Megicula. You just had to insist that I didn’t kill Mother! ‘Noelle isn’t to blame!’ ‘Don’t blame the baby!’ ‘It was something else!’” She threw her hands down at her sides. “You could’ve said any of those to defend me but you didn’t! You made zero effort in protecting me and didn’t try to reach out to me while I was made the black sheep of our family! Why didn’t you try?!”

With all her words having been let out, Noelle sighed and buried her face in her hands.

“Why…? Why didn’t…?” she whimpered between gasps. “Just why…”

Noelle cried.

And her siblings looked at her. For the first time, they saw Noelle as who she had been for years. A young girl, their little sister, lonely and sorrowful. As strong as she was, so strong as to be acknowledged by one of the Great Four Spirits and defeat a devil, she only became that way after living most of her life being shunned and left feeling weak.

Nozel stared intently at Noelle. At her wilting posture, the weight of her grief dragging her down. At her tears, which he didn’t know how to soothe. Acier would’ve known. So…

What would Mother have done? Nozel stood from his seat. I remember her… always holding me close. In the good and bad times. He stepped around the coffee table between them. Then, he put his arms around Noelle. It was not a hug, his hold on Noelle was too rigid and awkward for it to be called such.

“You’re right,” Nozel said with a fragile softness. “After Mother gave her life to protect us, I did nothing for you. You were Acier’s last gift to the world and I didn’t do everything in my power to protect you… I utterly failed you as a brother… For that, I’m truly sorry, Noelle. It doesn’t change anything but I hope that it… that you…”

Words left Nozel’s mind.

He didn’t know exactly what he hoped for. Was it his place to ask for Noelle’s forgiveness? Did he have the right to wish her a better life that he never provided her? He hoped for Noelle’s sake but he couldn’t name anything exact to wish for her. There was so much for her to have that he’d been too weak-willed to give in his own power.

It was his greatest shame.

Noelle leaned into Nozel and quietly cried into his shoulder. It was new but there was a comfort to this intimacy that they’d never shared before. It was the comfort of a dream coming true at long last.

“Acier’s last gift to the world.”

The words echoed in Solid and Nebra’s minds. And the visage of their mother, preserved in their memories and in the foyer of House Silva, could be seen in Noelle.

Nebra pursed her lips and a faint memory filled her mind.

“You promise that I’ll get a sister?” Nebra asked, years ago while pressing a hand to her mother’s belly. “It better be a sister or else— Um… or else…”

“Don’t worry, Nebra. I can feel that this baby will be a girl,” Acier answered with a smile and laugh. “And when she’s born, you’ll be a good big sister, right?”

“Yeah! I’ll help her be a strong princess like you and me and make sure she’s the cutest dressed baby ever!”

Had that really been Nebra? Had she really been so eager to meet Noelle and treat her kindly? Was she once the kind of person who smiled at the chance to take care of someone rather than smile at the suffering of others? What would Acier have said if she saw what became of Nebra after her passing?

All that love and gentleness that Nebra had known before was destroyed by the heartache of losing their mother. The suffering that sank into her bones… And her desire to see it inflicted on others…

Solid, too, became overwhelmed by a recollection of the past.

“Solid…” Acier whispered as she smoothed down her son’s hair. “You’re gonna be a big brother. You know Nozel is really cool, yeah?”

“The coolest and strongest big brother!” Solid exclaimed.

“Yes yes. Well, you need to become a cool, strong big brother too.” Acier hugged Soild to her chest with one hand while touching her stomach with her other. “Can you do that?”

Solid bit his lip. “I dunno…”

“I think you can.” Acier pressed a kiss to Solid’s crown. “Please try, okay?”

“…Okay…”

Solid grit his teeth, fighting back the urge to cry out loud. He was Solid Silva, son of Acier. He wasn’t some weakling who cried or regretted things. He was a Magic Knight, a Silver Eagle. Solid was strong, proud, independent…

And a pathetic man who knew pain but never sympathized with Noelle when she cried, just as he did for Acier, all because someone pointed at her and said “she is to blame.”

“N-Noelle…”

Noelle, stepping out of Nozel’s embrace, turned at the sound of Nebra saying, or rather sobbing, her name.

“Yes?”

Nebra wiped at her tears with the back of her hands and took deep, ragged breaths.

“Noelle, I’m sorry… For… everything… I didn’t know better but I still… Sorry, I’m sorry…”

“Me too… Sorry…” Solid muttered just loud enough to be heard. “I failed you as a brother too…”

Noelle’s eyes went wide.

Nebra, who ignored her at best or mocked her if they ever happened to cross paths…

Solid, who knocked her down both physically and emotionally throughout their childhoods…

Their apologies were pitiful but Noelle felt them in her heart.

“Nebra. Solid.” Noelle took a moment to look both siblings in the eyes.

Again, Noelle’s heart was warmed by the foreign affection that she and her siblings never had before. It wasn’t an “I love you” but the kindness in “sorry” was more than enough for her at that moment.

“Thank you…”

Her words seemed to break a dam in her older siblings.

“I’m sorry… I’m sorry…” Nebra whimpered, lacking the pride and grace she usually carried.

“What kind of answer is that?” Solid managed to sound indignant and annoyed as he cried. “Shouldn’t you be mad or something?”

Noelle pressed her lips together.

Maybe she should’ve been mad, or at least bitter towards her siblings. After all they’d done to make her life miserable and then she experienced love with the Black Bulls, she could’ve easily resented them. But rather than hatred, what she felt for her siblings…

“I don’t know,” Noelle muttered. “I should be angry but I…” Her head shook ever so slightly. “I want to forgive you. I want to be a family with you guys but I’m not sure…”

“You don’t have to have an answer right away,” Nozel stated, drawing his younger siblings’ attention to him. “I don’t think any of us really know what to say.”

The Silvas looked between themselves. Nozel’s pale violet eyes. Nebra’s deep pink like gems. Solid’s clear blue. And Noelle’s blush pink.

The four of them. Together. Like they should’ve been from the moment Noelle had been born.

As their mother had wanted…

“There’s something I believe you all should see,” Nozel said to break the silence that settled over the siblings. “Follow me.”

With that, Nozel walked towards the doors of the lounge. Nebra, Solid, and Noelle passed confused looks before following their brother.

The walk was quiet. Hearing the full story of Acier’s death and the tears they’d all shed had thoroughly drained the siblings of energy.

Nozel led his family through the halls of House Silva to a back wing of the castle, to an area where the rooms only existed because the palace had been built so excessively large. He guided them to a room that had been left unoccupied for the last sixteen years. The door opened and the light flickered on with a bit of effort from underuse.

The room was empty. Save for one large cloth draped over something else which appeared to lean against the wall.

Nozel walked to the cloth covered object. Nebra, Solid, and Noelle followed him up to it. As they approached, different expressions crossed each of their faces. Noelle raised a brow in confusion. Solid’s gaze was a pensive one. And recognition flashed across Nebra’s face.

“Nebra, Solid, do you have an idea what this could be?” asked Nozel. His hand rested on the object, curling up in the cloth covering.

Solid narrowed his eyes on the obscured item. ��No. Should I know what it is?”

Nozel pressed his lips into a line before shaking his head. “You were so young. It doesn’t surprise me that you don’t remember.” He then looked to Nebra. “Do you recall?”

“It’s still…” Nebra blinked rapidly and seemed to be straining to speak. “I thought that you… that you maybe destroyed…”

“No. It’s been here this whole time.” When Nozel said this, a pained smile came to his face. Years of suppressed grief and love made his heart ache. “Noelle, if you truly wish to mend the broken bonds of our family, then you should see this. We all should.”

Nozel pulled on the cloth.

Depicted in immaculate detail on canvas was a portrait of the four of them with their mother. Acier sat between Nozel on her right and Nebra on her left. Solid sat on Nebra’s other side. And Noelle was cradled in Acier’s loving arms.

Acier’s smile was absolutely radiant despite how much pain she must’ve been in from the curse. Nozel did his best to portray dignity but pain still showed on his face and he'd been unable to smile for the artist. Nebra and Solid’s composure in the portrait, too, seemed forced. The only person who beamed as brightly as Acier did in the portrait was Noelle. Her angelic smile was almost framed by the blanket and Acier’s arms holding her.

Noelle’s legs gave out from under her.

“Mother…”

Nozel knelt down beside Noelle and put an arm around her shoulders.

“She wanted to hold you for as long as possible,” he whispered. “She loved you with everything she had.”

“I don’t… even remember…”

In the corner of Noelle’s sight, she saw Nebra’s skirt pool on the floor as her sister sat down.

“It’s okay. Just let it out.” For the first time, Nebra sounded like a sister. And she felt like a sister as her hand gently rested over Noelle’s.

Noelle shook her head, fighting the tears that were already in her eyes. She’d cried enough already. She stilled when she felt a hand on her back. There were no words but the warmth of Solid’s hand lightly pressed against her back was enough reassurance.

Noelle let out a wail. Only after seventeen years was she mourning the loss of her mother.

After seventeen years, her siblings were finally there for her, comforting her amidst their own tears.

It was a long seventeen years. But they were finally over.

..........

Art by @/crazycookiemaniac.

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