#killing | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

justagirlwholikesadam · 9 months

Text

The Wolf Among Men

WARNING : RATED M, Death, Mention of Rape, Attempt Rape, Violence, Witchcraft, Themes of Religion, Miscarriage, Shapeshifting, Worship, BLOOD BLOOD

A/N: Thank you for everyone who liked and commented on this story. I'm so happy you guys are liking it. Remember to comment and like. PLEASE READ THE WARNING TAGS BEFORE READING! Enjoy - L

Summary: Jon was told that his eldest sister, Y/n arrived to Castle Black. He was surprised when Y/n arrived with The Hound, Sandor Clegane.

Word Count: 11.2K

━ ◦ ❖ ◦━ Chapter Four

It took you a minute to realize someone was talking to you. You were out of breath and your arms were sore but you couldn't stop. You had to get enough wood for the next trip into town. Unaware of your surroundings, you didn’t even notice the man hiding behind the trees staring at you, planning on making his next move.

You looked ahead and he was a few feet away from you. He had raven hair that was tied in a low ponytail. His eyes were dark and his smile made you anxious. He had one of those smiles, the same smiles given to you from the people in King’s Landing.

“What?” You asked him as you wiped the sweat off your forehead with the sleeve of your tunic shirt. You had seen him around when Ray introduced you to the group.

“I asked if I could help you.” You weren’t sure why he was asking, no one helped you when you became part of the group. You were an outcast amongst them. He looks over at Stranger who was always with you, usually tied up in the nearest tree. You had Stranger with you at all times when you were outside. The horse followed your every move. The dark mare was smart and acted almost like a protector during Sandor’s absence.

Stranger had come to trust you just like he trusted his owner, Sandor. A woman in the group who was fond of animals gifted you some apples which Stranger ate greedily. You were relieved that another woman was talking to you, but it ended quickly when she started talking about the Children of the Forest and other mythical creatures you had read in fairy tales. She was kind hearted and didn't deserve the horrible words aimed towards her. You couldn't dislike her especially when she gave you a flower and told you that the Children of the Forest wanted to help Sandor. You didn't believe her at first because how can a flower save an injured man but you followed her words and made a paste of the strange looking flower. The petals were yellow and green. The middle part of the flower was prickly but didn’t hurt when touched. The best you can describe the smell of the flower was the scent of ale.

“I’m Isaac.” He was walking closer to you but stopped when he saw you were still holding on to your ax. You didn’t respond to him at all, you continued to stare at him.

“Are you really with that fellow in the shack?” He questioned. This made you frown. He was there when Ray gathered men from the group to carry Sandor away from the bottom of the cliff. He knows the answer so why is he asking, you thought.

“Yes, I’m his wife.” You lied because that was the first thing Ray had told you to do when he took you to meet the group. Ray gave you a concerned look when you told him the truth about not being married and whispered to you to lie to the rest of the group that you were. Feeling uncomfortable with the wandering eyes from the men of the group. It was at that moment that you realized why Ray had told you to lie. You even avoided the looks the women in the group gave you. They noticed the pretty dress you had on and from that they knew you weren’t around here.

“Why do you ask?” Isaac shook his head before letting out a chuckle of disbelief.

“What a lucky man he is.” Isaac said as he took another step towards you but you took a step back, your hand tightening around the handle of the ax.

“What do you want? I’m occupied with this.” You pointed at the pile of chopped wood on the ground with the ax.

"What do I want?” Isaac looked at you shamelessly up and down. You wished Sandor was awake and next to you so he can warn this man off.

“Just want to help.” You didn’t believe him so you didn’t answer him.

He got the message that you weren’t going to talk and bid his goodbye to you. You watched as he gave you one last look over his shoulder before walking away towards the camp site. Letting out a sigh of relief when he left, you glanced over at Stranger who was staring at you. Stranger titled his head to the side as you walked over to pet its head. You felt Stranger tense up and you gently hummed to it trying your best to relax the horse. Running your finger through its hair, it calms Stranger. You weren't the only one freaked out about Isaac.

The sun was setting and you had forgotten all about Isaac. You were done with supper and had piled the logs to sell outside the shack. You were cleaning your hands before aiding Sandor’s wound. You clenched and released your hands multiple times, trying to get rid of the stiffness and soreness.

You wouldn’t forget the day that Ray gave you an ax when you told the group that you would do a man's work in exchange for Sandor and you to have shelter and food. Ray tried to talk to you out of it but you wouldn't have it. You were going to work your ass off and you did. Ray taught you how to swing an ax and gather the wood. You cried the next day from the pain on your hands and shoulders. You weren’t used to manual labor, you didn’t work a day in your life and you thought about the times you would skip lessons with Septa Mordane. She would reprimand you for skipping. She would tell you that a woman’s job is to know how to sew and how to be a proper lady.

You wonder how the sweet elderly lady would have reacted if she saw you now. Wearing pants, hair greasy as well as knotted. Dirt underneath your fingernails along with beginning stages of calluses forming on the palm of your hands.

When finishing work you spend your evenings alone mostly, Ray would often visit just to see how you were doing and give you any sort of news about joining you on the next trip into town to sell wood. The times he wasn’t there to visit, you thought about your family.

You thought about Robb and his wife that you never met. Your parents, you missed your mother’s kisses and your father’s warm hugs. Arya and Bran’s endless energy and Rickon’s kind heart. You thought about the times how Sansa would beg you to brush her hair like yours and even knowing about the betrayal from Theon, you couldn’t help but think of him well. Theon didn’t have the Stark family name but you thought of him as one just like Jon.

Memories of them were your only company and you thought that you had cried a lot during your stay in King's Landing but you were wrong. Your eyes were always puffy, cheeks were blotchy and you thought you were going to lose your mind when it came to Sandor.

You sobbed as Ray held you when the maesters popped his knee back in and cleaned his wounds. You have never seen so much blood in your life before but as the days grew you followed the maesters’ instructions on how to clean and look after it. You finally managed to not cry whenever you saw the nasty wound on his knee. You wash the dirt and blood off his body. You cleaned him daily, and changed his clothes. You spend endless nights by his side dabbing the sweat off his forehead and neck when fever took hold of him.

You pull the blanket up to Sandor's chest when finishing cleaning his wound and lean forward to comb his grown out beard with your fingers, pushing his hair out of his face while tucking a strand behind his ear. You feel your throat starting to close up and your vision goes blurry with tears. You missed him so much. Letting your fingers linger on his face, you lightly trace his nose and lips. You were utterly exhausted, tired from the workload and tired from the heat. You were tired of seeing Sandor still in a deep slumber. You grew more worried that he would never wake up.

“Sandor.” You whispered to him. “Can you hear me?” Tears rolled your cheeks when Sandor gave you no response.

The maesters had told you before leaving for good that Sandor may never wake up. Sandor might be a cripple and would have to be bedridden for life.

“Give me a sign, Sandor. Please.” You begged him. Sandor seemed to be getting better, his fever had gone down but he made no movement yet. He hasn’t even opened his eyes or moved his legs.

“Wake up.” You cried out softly as you laid your head on his chest. Closing your eyes when you hear his heartbeat, it was strong. You cried as you hugged him, laying on him trying to get the same feeling of warmth and security he had provided to you during your travels together.

“Please wake up.” Begging into his chest, you wept more.

Your head shot up when you heard someone knocking. You sniffed and wiped your tears quickly.

“Ray?” You called out, running your hand through your knotted hair. Wanting to look presentable for Ray. The person behind the door didn’t answer, the door was pulled open and your face dropped when you saw Isaac by the entrance.

“What are you doing here?” You asked him as you looked around the shack, your heart fell to your stomach when you realized you left your ax outside next to the pile of wood. The only weapons were below the makeshift bed Sandor laid on. You had hidden his sword along with his knife so no one could steal it.

“I was on a walk when I heard you crying. I wanted to make sure you’re fine.”

“I’m fine. You can leave now. I wish to be alone.” You rose up from the bed, eyeing his every move.

“Alone?” Isaac stepped into the shack and shut the door.

“A pretty thing like you, alone? It’s such a shame.” You started to tremble by the tone of his voice and that smile he gave you.

“You take such good care of your husband.” He stops a few inches away from the bed.

“But who takes care of you?” He asks. “Please leave.” He frowns at you and his eyes darken at your plea.

“I’m trying to help you here!” He shouted at you. “Let me take care of you.”

You look over his shoulder to see the door, you were thinking if you ran quick enough you would be able to get to Ray. The hope of escaping and running to Ray disappeared when you saw Isaac taking a knife out of his belt and pointed it at you.

“Plea-.” Isaac shook his head at you as he hushed you to be quiet.

“It doesn’t have to be hard, girl. Drop your pants and bend over at the edge of the bed.” You let out a whine and shook your head at him.

“BEND OVER!” Isaac shouted making you flinch. “I’ll fuck you bloody girl. I’ll rape that cunt in front of him.”

“I’ll kill him if you don’t obey.” Isaac smiled when he saw tears rolling down your face as he pointed the knife at Sandor. He saw you move towards the edge of the bed near him.

“Good.” He starts to breathe heavily, his eyes grew wide at the sight of your trembling body. He holds the knife in one hand while he palms himself over his trousers with the other hand.

“Drop your pants and show me that cunt.” You turn your back towards him. You cried as you stared at Sandor. You couldn’t believe you were going to be taken advantage in front of Sandor.

“Aim for the heart, little wolf.” Sandor’s voice echoed inside your head.

You began to wail when you felt Isaac behind you, sniffing your hair loudly. You felt him grab your hair from the back and pulled it harshly towards his face.

“I never fucked a lass with her husband in the same room before.” He told you as you felt the tip of his knife digging your lower back.

“Please.” You cried out and he pushed you down on the bed. You let out a sob when you felt him rip your trousers off with his knife.

“Be quiet. Don’t want to wake him up.” Isaac laughed as he began to grope your ass.

“Aim for the heart, little wolf.”

Unwanted hands grabbed your behind, you hear Isaac’s moans grow louder behind you and his taunting words of you being raped was making you lose all faith in yourself. You heard about the girls who shared the same horrid fate say that it’s best to lay still and hope he finishes quickly. You were about to accept your fate and you were about to reach out to hold Sandor’s hand that rested on his side when you remembered his words.

“Kick him in the legs. He will fall to the ground and that would be your opportunity. Aim for the heart, little wolf.”

“Give me a little moan.” Isaac said. He was going to pull his trousers down when you immediately kicked him from behind, hitting his shin. You heard him fall to the ground and you went down to the floor to grab Sandor’s knife under the makeshift bed.

“Fucking bitch.” You cried out, you were close to grabbing the knife when you felt a pair of hands grab your ankles pulling you out of the makeshift bed.

Isaac shouted as he kicked you in the stomach. You held your stomach when he managed to grab his knife from the floor and walked towards Sandor. Your eyes widened when Isaac raised his knife.

“No!” You shouted and pushed yourself up. You had managed to get on the bed on the other side and grabbed onto Isaac’s wrist. With little strength you had left, you held him off. He pulled your hair with his other hand but you grabbed the knife screaming as the blade dug into your flesh. Isaac’s eyes grew at the sight of you grabbing the blade with your bare hand. He dropped the knife to the ground and pulled you over Sandor’s body, dropping you to the ground.

“Crazy bitch.” You heard him yell at you.

“No!” You yelled as he was about to grab the knife but he turned you on your back, getting on top of you. You started to claw his face as he sat on you, his legs on either side of you. He brought his hands to your neck and began to choke you.

“When I’m done with you. Everyone is going to have their turn at you.” Isaac jeered at you as he lifted you by the neck and slammed your head on the wooden floor boards. You gasped for air as he slammed your head once more. You slapped his face with both hands, blood from the cut coated his face.

You were losing consciousness, you began to see spots in your vision and you knew if you shut your eyes, it would be over. Sandor will be killed, you were going to get raped and you were going to die. Your life will end the moment you close your eyes.

You looked to the right to see his knife near you, this was your only chance to survive. You pressed the palm of your hand on his eyes, spreading your blood all over it as you used your other hand to grab the knife. You gritted your teeth and shouted in pain when he grabbed a hold of your bloody hand. His eyes were stinging from the blood, the moment he shut his eyes to wipe it off. He let out a gasp when felt something pierced through his chest. He let go of your hand and opened his blood shot eyes, he dropped his mouth open when he saw his knife impaled in his chest.

He looks down at you, letting out a whimper as he falls on top of you. You pushed him off of you and stared at him with wide eyes. You killed him, you killed someone. You cried as you held your wounded hand against your chest. The adrenaline was wearing off and your anger grew. Your eyes harden at the sight of him and you quickly got on top of him just as he did to you. You shouted and grabbed the handle of his knife with your good hand. You started to stab him in the chest repeatedly over and over again. You can hear his flesh being sliced, his blood was splattered across your face as you continued.

Flashes of your father being beheaded appeared as you kept stabbing him. The sight of Robb’s wolf sewn onto his body made you scream as you started to stab Isaac in the head. The evil smile on Joffrey's face. The look Cersei gave you when you were being beaten. Lastly, images of a small child being pushed against the fire. The child screams echo inside your mind and the face of Gregor appears.

“Y/n!”

You stopped at the sound of a familiar voice and looked towards the door. The door was opened and Ray stood there with a horrified face. His eyes shifted to you and Isaac. You looked down at Isaac’s mangled face. He was unrecognizable, you dropped the knife. Looking over at Sandor, you began to hyperventilate and let out a sob when you saw a knife embedded into his chest.

“Sandor?!” You cried out, about to get up you heard a screeching sound next to you. You looked back at Ray who was turned into a wight. Ray had transformed into one and you quickly looked back at Sandor who was now sitting up on the bed, the knife still in his chest. He dropped his mouth open to let out a terrifying screech. His eyes turned bright blue and the bed started to catch on flames. You remained still as Sandor began to crawl towards you, snarling at you as his entire body was consumed in flames.

Gasping for air, you woke up from your sleep. You shoot straight up from bed trembling, breathing heavily as you look around. You were in a room alone. You let out a sob you were holding in. Ray and Sandor became one of the dead. The same dead you fought beyond the walls. You had to see Sandor, you had to make sure he was safe. The last thing you remember was shouting and how tired you felt from running after carrying Jon on your back.

Quickly, you pushed the blankets of fur off of you, you stopped when you felt light headed. Taking deep breaths you carefully managed to get out of bed, your legs shook as you stood up. You looked down at yourself to see you wore a white undergarment dress. You took a moment to look around you, you saw a table near you. Towels, sheets and pitchers along with bowls were on the table. You noticed the dirty rags on the floor. You weren't alone, someone was here with you. You were going to step away from the bed when you came down with a thud on the floor. Wincing as you pushed yourself up to your knees you looked around the room again.

“Sandor!” You shouted out but was answered with silence.

Once again you took a moment to breathe. You felt so weak, tired and so hungry. It’s been so long since you last ate. You were thinking about just laying down on the ground until someone arrived. When you looked down at your hands, you saw the healed scar on your palm. You thought of your dream. This dream felt too real unlike the others you had before you fell ill.

You had to see Sandor, you had to make sure that he was alright. You had to see if your brother was alive as well. You began to crawl to the table near you. Grunting as you grabbed the edge of the table and pulled yourself up. Managing to get up you leaned against the table. Looking down at the half empty bowls on the table you saw a small mirror. Rising it up to see your reflection, you were glad you were back to normal. You had transformed back into a human. You didn’t know how you managed to do it. You looked tired and sickly. Your eyes were dull, lips were dried and cracked. You placed the mirror back down on the table not wishing to see yourself anymore. You didn't look like you anymore. Letting out a soft moan as you flex your sore feet. Your toes cracked before you began to take a few steps towards the door.

You couldn’t stop thinking about the dream. Sandor had died and he became one of those dead creatures. You saw he went up with the rest of the group on the dragon. Slowly walking to the door you stopped when you saw your ax, the weapon was leaning against the door frame. It had to be the lack of food, perhaps it was the stress but the dream had disturbed you deeply that all you can think of was finding Sandor and making sure he was ok. Ignoring the stomach pains, you leaned down to grab your ax. Using your weight to push the door open, you winced when the freezing wind hit your face. You began to stumble down the hallway ignoring the cold sting on your bare feet. Your hair whipped as another gust of wind blew, you walked to the end of the hall and began to step down the stairs. Your eyes grew wide at the sound of people.

“Sandor!” You shouted with all your might as you walked down the snow covered stairs using the ax as a cane.

“Lady Y/n!”

You step into the courtyard, you can see a few members of the Night Watch staring back at you. Some looked at you stunned while others looked terrified, they started to walk away when you began to walk towards the center of the courtyard.

“Sandor!” You cried out as you looked around, looking for him. More of the members of the Night Watch had walked out to the courtyard at the sound of your cries. You feared that your dream became true when you didn't see Sandor. You dropped your ax as you started to cry.

“Y/n!” You looked ahead to see Sandor standing at the edge of the courtyard. Beric and Thoros peeking behind him. They were in the dining hall when one of the wildings came running inside saying that the great goddess of the wolf had woken up.

Sandor quickly ran as best he could to you. Jon and Daenerys along with Ser Davos came out of Jon's office at the sound of shouting. Jon froze when he saw you standing in the middle of the courtyard. You were practically shaking in the cold. Your bare arms and legs were getting red from the harsh cold winds.

You had leapt into Sandor’s arm. Sandor wrapped his arms around you, his lips pressed against your forehead as you sobbed into his chest. Sandor quickly untied his fur cape and wrapped it around you when he pulled away.

“I saw you-.” Sandor shook his head as you kept crying. He couldn’t understand you.

“I killed him! Isaac, but he got to you, first. I didn't see the other knife. I didn't see it. You became one of them!” Sandor cupped your face when you started to get hysterical, screaming the name Isaac and the hidden knife.

“Y/n, calm down.” Sandor told you firmly but you didn't stop.

You have started to grab Sandor’s coat, pulling the laces almost ripping it. You ignore Sandor’s words to calm down. You had to see it for yourself. Sandor tensed up when he felt your cold fingers touch his bare chest. Your cries quieted down as you touched him, the hair on his chest felt warm. He wiped the tears off your cheeks as you placed your palm against his chest.

“He killed you and you became one of the dead.” You whispered to him. Sandor held you close.

“I'm not dead, Y/n. I'm here and you're here with me.” Sandor softly said, rubbing his thumb over your cheek trying to help you calm down.

“You’re here.” You said as you felt his heartbeat under your touch. Sandor grabbed your wrist, bringing your hand up to his lips. He nodded at you as he kissed your knuckles.

“I’m here and you're here.” He repeated over and over again. You hugged him once more. He threw a glare at the men from the Night Watch who stared. He had forgotten about them, he had forgotten that both of you were still in the middle of the courtyard in front of everyone. He didn't believe at first that you were awake but he heard you calling out for him after one of the wildings came into the dinning hall.

You lifted your head from Sandor’s chest when you heard your name being called out. Sandor had turned around along with you, Jon was there in the courtyard. His eyes were wide and filled with tears, he gave you a smile.

“Go.” Sandor whispered to you as he tied the laces of the cape tighter. He watched as you ran to your brother. Jon had started to run towards you as you walked to him. Jon cried as you held him, kissing your forehead as he hugged you. You were alive.

“I missed you.” Jon whispered. “Me too. I missed you so much.” You told him crying.

“I thought you were going to die.” You told Jon as you pulled away to look at his face. Jon has aged, you can see in his eyes that he was tired, his hair was longer. He didn't look like the same boy that left Winterfell. You smiled when you touched his chin, he was growing a beard now.

“You saved me. You saved all of us. Daenerys said you showed her the way to us.” You looked above to follow Jon’s gaze, you saw a white haired woman leaning against the wooden railing.

“The dragons.” You whispered looking back at Jon who nodded.

“Yes, do you remember? They followed you.” You leaned against Jon, grabbing his coat and looked around.

“Where’s the rest?” You asked softly. Jon pointed behind Sandor. You looked over at the pair standing at the edge of the courtyard.

“Lady Y/n.” Thoros welcomed you as Beric and he walked towards you. He let out a surprised yelp when you hugged him. You wrapped your arms around his shoulders. Beric was shocked when he also received a hug from you as well. “I’m so glad to see you both.” You said with a smile.

“My lady, you need shoes.” Beric said with eyes filled with concern. You looked down at your bare feet in the snow. The one eyed man was going to say something else when he heard your stomach growling.

Sandor and the rest couldn’t help but stare as you ate. You weren't really breathing as you stuffed your face with chicken and stew. With your mouth full of food, you grabbed a slice of bread near you soaking it up in the stew. He even casted a look over to Jon who was going to stop you but didn't when he saw how famished you were. Jon put the utensils down, figuring it’s pointless now.

They all knew you had to be hungry since falling ill then being dead and waking up again to only find yourself beyond the wall with no food. Lastly when you did return you were passed out for two days and for those two days they stayed in your room. The atmosphere in the room was tense. The group were quiet and thinking about what they just witnessed in the courtyard. It was something out of this world, the things you hear about in fantasies. A person turning into a wolf and not just any person, you. The ritual worked, you came back from the dead but you came back as something different.

Men shouting was heard outside of your room and they did their best to ignore it. Jon watched as Sandor squeezed the excess water from the rag he used to wipe the dried blood from your body. He had flat out refused for the maesters to look over you and dressed your minor wounds.

‘He didn’t do fucking shit when she was sick. I don’t want him around her.’ Sandor yelled when the maesters was brought into the room. Word had spread like wildfire in the East Watch all the way to Castle Black about you being alive and being a creature.

Tormund had told the group when bringing supplies into the room that the men of Night Watch were calling you evil while the wildings called you the Goddess of the Wolf. Beric and Thoros stood guard by the door on the inside as Ser Davos and Jorah tried their best to calm down the angry crowd standing outside the door. The words monster and ungodly were shouted when you transformed back. Sandor had carried you up the stairs while the group was ready to defend you.

The rag that was once white, is now a reddish brown. Sandor remained quiet for the most part as he cleaned you. He stared at the light scratch marks on your body, it was from the wights.

“Thought you would get turned into one if they touched you?” Sandor asked Jon who sat behind him getting treated by the maesters.

“Guess their nails don’t count.” Jon said, wincing as the maesters treated the cut on his shoulder.

“Maybe because she wasn’t human.” Beric told them.

“The polar bear was one of them. Doesn't make sense.” Thoros spoke out before the maesters told Jon how very lucky he is that he didn’t get frostbite. Jon told them about you rescuing him from the icy cold waters and using your body to keep him from freezing to death.

Sandor stops in mid cleaning when he reaches your thighs and his stomach twisted at the sight of dry blood on your inner thighs. He remembered what the red priestess told him. A life for a life. He knew the moment you woke up, he had to tell you. He just hoped you wouldn’t be mad at him for doing it. He felt responsible for turning you into this creature, into a wolf. His worry grew when he saw you were alive and he wondered if you would grow to resent him.

Sandor wipes it softly and halts when he feels your leg tense up. He looked at your face, trying to see if you would wake up. You moved your head to the side and let out a deep sigh in your sleep.

“She ran a lot.” Jon had told him.

“She was faster than a horse, it was amazing how fast she is.” Sandor tried his best not to lose his shit. You were a wolf, you transformed back into a human. The wolf that saved them beyond the wall was you. The door knocked causing everyone to pause.

“It’s me.” Jon looked over at the door and nodded to them to open. Daenerys walked inside with Jorah and Ser Davos.

Her eyes widened at Jon’s bare chest. She was told about Jon and how he came back to life. She thought it was a joke, a trick to make her give Jon her army to fight with the dead. She looked at his healed wounds, he had so many. Daenerys quickly walked towards him, unraveling a white fabric she was holding.

“Should work until she makes it back home.” Jon let out a gracious smile when she held out a sewn white undergarment made of sheets. There were no clothes for women in the East Watch. Daenerys can hear footsteps behind her. She turns around and looks up at the Sandor who towered over her. She holds her breath at the sight of his face. She was a bit nervous when being told Sandor was from House Clegane. Ser Jorah eased her fear and told her Sandor was nothing like his brother who was the one to assault Elia Martell and killed her along with her children, Rhaenys and Aegon Targaryen.

Sandor didn’t speak to her but he gave a nod of gratitude.

“Thank you, you didn’t have too.” Jon told her as she turned around.

“It’s nothing, she’s a lady. When we get back to Winterfell, I would need to thank her properly.” Jon watched as Daenerys looked over at you. He noticed she started to play with her hands in front of her as she looked back at you.

“It’s hard to believe. Isn’t it?” Jon asked. She shook her head at him.

“It isn’t.” She told him as she looked back at Jon. “I have dragons. We have an army of the dead coming to end the living. Now your sister came back from the dead and became a wolf. A wolf that my dragons are curious about.”

Daenerys casts one last look towards you and drops her hands to the side when she notices you were in good hands. She was scared you were in harm's way with Sandor but that was until she noticed the burly man washing your feet. Sandor treated you like you were made of glass, his large hand was completely wrapped around your ankle. He wiped the sole of your feet gently and with such care. She found herself reminiscing about her time with Khal Drogo when he found out when she was pregnant. He treated her with such grace and with so much love.

Eating the last piece of bread, you grabbed the pitcher of water ignoring the cup that was near you. Sandor wanted to chuckle at the sight of you drinking straight out of the pitcher. Drinking fast, droplets of water fell on to your dress with an unladylike burp, you wiped your mouth with the sleeve of your dress and placed the pitcher down on the table.

The men didn’t say anything as they looked amongst themselves, they didn’t know how to start the conversation without it being awkward. They were all eager to know about you and the transformation. Beric and Thoros had shared their ideas with Sandor. Beric had told Sandor that he knew you were part of something greater. It almost ended in a fight when Sandor reminded Beric that it wasn’t some god that brought you back.

“It was because of our child who brought her back to me.”

You were staring off in the distance when Jon called your name out. You frowned as you heard people outside, whispers and the sound of the blacksmith working across the courtyard clear as day. It was impossible that you could hear all of it. Your trance was broken when you felt a warm hand on your knee. Looking down, you saw Sandor’s hand. You placed your hand over his and looked at him. He raised his brow at you, worried that you weren't answering.

“I-I-well..” You stuttered for a moment and looked at them. You didn’t know how to start, you didn’t know what to say.

“Thank you.” Thoros spoke first. “You saved us from that bear.” Beric added with a shocked face.

“Of course.” You said looking at them. “We’re a group. We must protect one another.”

Beric smiled as well as Thoros. They had mentioned to you those very words after another group thought it was a good idea to mess with the Brotherhood without Banners during their trip to the North.

“Y/n, do you remember turning into a wolf?” Jon asked.

Death was quiet for a moment. It was just darkness, cold and nothing else. You found yourself in a dark cave but a light appeared ahead when you heard a woman’s voice. She spoke English then it into a different language, you didn't understand. The only reason you followed her voice through the darkness was because she mentioned your name then your parent’s name. The more you followed her voice, the warmer you got and the louder her voice became. You froze when you heard a wolf howling and the voice stopped. You remained still in the dark place until you saw a light above you.

Your eyes opened wide, you found yourself staring at the night sky before questioning yourself what had happened. You cried out when you tried to roll over but were unaware where you were. You fell off the altar with a thud as you landed on the wooden platform under the altar. You wanted to call out for Sandor but the moment you opened your mouth. Your arms twisted. Letting out a scream, you can feel your bones cracking. Your limbs started to move on their own. On your stomach now, you tried to crawl but your back began to arch like a cat. You didn't know what was happening, your body had a mind of its own. You cried as you felt your back arch to the point of breaking.

You whine when you feel something warm between your legs.

“Lady Y/n.” Lifting your head off the platform, your eyes widened at the older man ahead of you. He took a step back from you when he saw your limbs twisted abnormally.

“Help me.” You scream with all your might. It all happened in a blink of an eye, your body convulsed and the moment you opened your eyes. Your view had completely changed. You can hear the man screaming for help when he watched your back spit into two and a wolf appeared. Two men on watch nearby had run to the altar but froze in mid step when they saw an enormous wolf on top of one of their brothers ripping his body apart.

“My bones broke and grew again. I couldn’t control my body.” You told the group as you described your transformation. Thoros and Beric gave each other a look and Jon looked terrified.

“I killed them but I didn’t mean to. I couldn’t control myself. Something took over me. It was the-the.”

“It was the animal in you that did it.” Beric said. You nodded at Beric, “Exactly.”

“They must all want me dead for my actions.” You said looking down at your lap, you were grateful Sandor didn’t let you go. His touch gave you some sort of relief.

“The situation has been dealt with.” Jon told you and you looked at him surprised. You were excused of what you did, it didn’t make sense to you.

“What’s going on?” You asked the group when you saw Beric and Thoros looking away from your gaze. You caught Jon and Sandor having a stare down, Jon looked away first with a sigh.

“Nothing. What happened after you transformed?” Sandor questioned, giving his full attention to you.

“I escaped over the wall and I kept running until I couldn’t anymore. I thought I wasn’t going to find my way back until I smelt it.”

“You smelt it? What thing?” Jon asked.

“Sweet rum.” You said with a small smile looking over at Thoros.

“As I got closer, I could smell the trees, the earth itself. Nature.” You looked over at Sandor. He bared the same scent you smelt after leaving the bloody gates.

“As I got closer, I knew one of those dead were on you.”

“You can smell them?” Beric asked.

“Aye, they smell like rotten meat and steel.” You told them.

“There were so many of them. How is this possible?” You asked them.

You remained silent when Jon told you what you had missed. The events of his stay of Castle Black and his time Beyond the Wall, he had even gone far to show you his scars, and told you he had died when they stabbed him through the heart. He told you how he was brought back from the dead as well. The white walkers, the wildings, and Daenerys Targaryen. He told you Samwell saw Bran and they still had hope that he was still alive. Sandor noticed you started to cry when he told you about Rickon and the Battle of the Bastard.

“Is Arya alive?” You asked him. “There’s been no word of her.”

“Sansa?” When you asked Jon about her well being. He became quiet and you heard a thumping sound. It seemed to echo in your head and your ears started to ring. You looked ahead at Jon, to see him nervously looking at you.

The thumping sound seems to have duplicated. Into four different thumping, you counted. You looked over at the men, they didn’t meet your eyes.

“What happened to Sansa?” You asked Jon softly. Jon’s eyes were dark when he looked at you.

You heard the thumping grow louder as the words from Jon’s mouth spilled. The words of Sansa escaping with Little Finger, Sansa at the Vale, Sansa getting married to a Bolton who took over Winterfell and lastly the words you never thought would come out from your brother's mouth.

“What?!” Was all you said and the thumping sound disappeared.

“She was broken in.” Jon said. Sandor had looked away from Jon. When he heard the news about Little Bird, his first thought was how you were going to handle it.

“Are you positive?” You whispered in a rough tone feeling your body grow hot. Sandor felt you move your hand away from him and started to push yourself up from the seat.

Sandor called out for you but you ignored him. Jon rose up at the same time as you.

“Jon, answer me.” You shouted at him.

“Sansa said it herself.” Jon told you and you started to walk away from the table. He noticed your face was pale and he began to tell you all about the win of The Battle of Bastard and how the Stark have Winterfell back but all you could think was about Sansa.

“Y/n.” Sandor said your name when you walked to the wall of the dinning hall. He sees you untying the fur cape around your shoulder letting it drop to the ground. They can hear you starting to breathe heavily. Jon and Sandor walked away from the table telling Beric and Thoros to stay back.

“What’s happening? Y/n. Answer me.” Jon said behind you as you placed your hands on the wall. You tried your best to answer them but you couldn’t.

You couldn’t breathe, every time you tried to shut your eyes to calm down. You kept thinking about Sansa and Ramsey. A shock ran through up and down your spine of the thought of your sister being abused, you wanted to kill Ramsey. You wanted to kill someone for hurting your sister.

“Y/n.” Sandor shouted your name when you began to shout as another shock ran up and down your spine. You felt Sandor grab your arm and you were quick to shove him away. You did it without a single thought.

Jon and Sandor looked at you in disbelief. You haven’t realized but you shoved Sandor, almost knocking the 6’6 men completely off his feet. They turned their attention back to you when you turned around, your back was against the wall.

“Get back.” You yelled at them.

“It hurts.” Sandor frowned at your words but he obeyed and remained still on his feet. He noticed your eyes, your pupils were dilating. “We took back Winterfell, Y/n. The Bolton’s lost, the Stark has Winterfell again.”

“And Rickon? Sansa’s innocence? Our people from home?” You questioned him with a scream.

“We have to go on, Y/n.” Sandor grimaced as your face changed at Jon’s word.

“Go on.” You repeat. The tears had stopped and the aching on your back disappeared. Your jaw clenched as you turned to him.

“Is Ramsey dead?” You questioned him. When Jon didn’t respond fast enough you yelled the question again.

“No. Sansa released his hounds on him. All they did was eat one of his legs and injured his face. They were hungry but they were still loyal to their master.”

“Why isn’t he dead?” You asked.

“They suspect someone is taking care of him while he’s in custody. They believe there are still people who are still allies of House Bolton. She’s been keeping him in the kennels. Hoping the cold and the loss of blood would kill him.”

“And you just want to go on.” You said with a shrug of your shoulders.

“What would you like us to do?” Jon asked. “We took back Winterfell.” Jon said and he walked near you. “We will deal with this.”

“We?” You said as your eyes were wide, he saw a yellow shined to them.

“Yes, we.” Jon answered you while he took a step back.

“When we get home, I’m gonna find those people.” You walked closer to Jon as you spoke. “I’m going to kill them, all of them and Ramsey. I’m going to tear his throat.”

Jon stood still as he saw you become angry. He had never seen you like this before. You weren’t the sweet and gentle sister he had known. You never cursed before, especially in front of him. You have changed completely.

“Ok.” Jon and you looked over at Sandor. “Ok.” He repeated to you.

Sandor walked closer to you as he gave you a nod of approval. Sandor ignored the look Jon gave him as he passed him and got closer to you.

“He’s gonna pay for what he did to Little Bird.” Sandor told you as he offered you his hand. You took it and he got next to you. You leaned against him putting your head against his chest. Jon saw you relax the moment you got next to Sandor, he began to rub your back.

Sandor and Jon shared a look, a mutual understanding that your anger is the key to transform. Sandor was trying to calm you down and it worked.

“The Lannister too.” Jon wrinkled his nose at you.

“Y/n, we can’t do this now. We are at a war. Those wights will end us if we don’t all work together. I have told you we need Cersei and her army.”

“You think she’s gonna help you?” You asked.

“She has too.”

“She won’t.” You snapped back.

“We can not start another war. You will be sent to Winterfell. Sandor is coming with me back to King's Landing.”

“Like hell he is!” You shouted.

“There is a bounty on his head. I’m not letting you take him back to that shit city. Cersei will never let him go. I will go with you.”

“If you go and she kidnaps you?” Sandor asked, looking down at you.

“We need to be smart, Y/n. She won’t do anything stupid because the last living Targaryen with dragons is coming along.”

“I’m not letting you go alone.” You said firmly looking up at him. “I will not be apart from you. I have to keep an eye on you, what if something happens?”

“Nothing is going to happen.” Sandor answered you. He didn’t let the stinging rejection feeling hit him hard when you pushed yourself away from him as you shook your head.

“I’m going with your brother. He needs me.”

“Y/n. It’s final. You are going back to Winterfell. Beric and Thoros had offered to take you back. It will be safer.” You were about to refuse.

“How long do you think people will know about your abilities?” Jon asked.

“Word has spread around the Night Watch. You will be a target for many people.”

“He’s right.” Sandor said softly.

“Sandor.” You beg him. “You know, I can help. Please.”

“I saw you dead, Y/n.” Sandor said.

“Don’t make me go through that again. Please go to Winterfell, where it’s safe.” Sandor pleaded with you.

--------

Sandor opened the door of your room and was met with how he left you. You haven’t moved an inch, you kept still in the brass tub near the fireplace. Locking the door behind him, he dropped the towel he brought on the table by the bed.

“You alright?” He asked you. He let out a sigh when he was answered with silence, you were still angry. He removed his cape and draped it over the chair as he walked over to you.

“Shoes should be ready for you tomorrow. Jon had given the measurement to the cobbler.” He grabbed a chair by the table and dragged it near the tub. He sat down on it and looked at you. You wouldn't meet his eyes.

“You’re angry. Yell at me. Call me an ass. I don’t care but I need you to know this is best for you.” You looked over at him.

“I thought we were together. No matter where one goes, the other follows.” You told him.

“We are together.” Sandor said but you shook your head.

“If we are then I need to be with you when you go to King's Landing. I should be there with you.” Sandor bites his tongue hard to not lash out. He didn’t want to lash out and create another problem.

When he didn’t say anything, you grabbed hold on the edges of the tub and pushed yourself up. Sandor holds his hand out to help you out but you ignore it. You walked past him to the table and grabbed the towel he left. Taking a deep breath and trying to come up with how to explain his feelings. He felt like he was back in the woods again, after finding out how jealous you were. Sandor rose up and followed you as you made your way to the bed. Sitting on the edge, you crossed your arms over your chest.

“Y/n.” You looked down at your bare feet, the hot water helped you ease the pain on your legs. Transforming has taken a toll on you. Noticing Sandor was standing in front of you, you were to get up when he quickly knelt down, spreading your legs. Kneeling between your legs he finally managed to get your attention.

“I wasn’t with you when you died.” His confession made you look at him.

“I was locked up because your brother questioned my intentions with you while the maesters was looking over you. I don’t blame him. He visited me in the cells and I told him how we met and about our journey getting here. When I was finally allowed to see you again. I was walking up the stairs when I heard Jon’s screams. I got up there and- an-.” Sandor begins to falter, you touched his arms when you saw his bottom lip trembled and his eyes welled up in tears.

“You were dead. Cold and stiff. Fuck, Y/n. Never again, Y/n. I can’t go through that.” Sandor exclaimed to you.

“I need you to go to Winterfell. Go there, see Sansa and be safe. By the time I get there, the wights would be close. We need to prepare Winterfell and its people to battle.”

Something about seeing Sandor cry hurt you more than the blade digging into your palm and your bones cracking as you transform. Seeing this strong willed man break down over your death was so hard for you to see because you didn’t want to see him suffer. You loved him and you didn’t want him to feel that way again.

So you nodded at him. “Ok.” You whispered, wiping the tears off his face softly, cupping his face with your hands. He let out a sigh of relief, you were going back home and you were going to safe there.

“I’m sorry for being angry.” He shook his head at your apology.

“No need for that. I would have gone with you but I gave my word to your brother that I would go with him.” Sandor was a man of his words, you knew that and you felt shame for thinking he wouldn’t keep his promise to your brother.

“Little Bird needs you. More than ever now.” Sandor said as you dropped your hands on his shoulders.

“I know.” You told him. “You’re right. It would be best if I go to Winterfell. I just- I just.” You let out a sigh and shrug your shoulders.

“I feel like I’m going crazy, Sandor. I’m so tired.” Sandor’s eyes soften.

“Everything hurts. Rickon is dead. Bran and Arya are probably dead too. No one was there to help Sansa and Jon bend the knee to help us with the war of the dead. I’m this creature who killed those men.”

“Y/n. I must tell you something.” Sandor told you nervously.

“Tell me what?” You asked him. “I’m the reason why you are this way.”

“What?” You asked him and Sandor was about to get up and when you grabbed him by the shoulders.

“You died. I didn’t know what to do.” You held on to his coat.

“Thoros couldn’t bring you back and the red priestess but she told me there was another way. A life for life.” Your eyes grew wide as Sandor explained to you as he began to touch your stomach.

“You were with a child and it was the only way to get you back but I didn’t know you were going to turn into a creature. I swear it.”

You placed a hand over his, he was being sincere. You can see it on his face. Beric and Thoros had spoken to you as Jon and Sandor grabbed the tub for you. They had mentioned that Sandor was on edge. They all were with this coming war, with everything that had happened.

“I couldn’t lose you, Y/n.” You leaned down to hug Sandor tightly. Your face between his neck and shoulder. He pressed his face against your wet skin, not caring if he was getting wet.

“I’m sorry.” You hear him mumbling to you as he holds you.

After getting dried both of you laid on the bed, you were under the blankets while he laid on top of it. Facing each other, no words were spoken, you patted the empty space next to you and he joined you after taking his boots off and coat off.

“I’m alive because of you.” You were the first to speak. You were the first to touch him, you touched his hand that was resting on his stomach.

“Because of me you are this.” He said. You squeeze his hand softly.

“Are you afraid of me?” You asked him. He shook his head.

“Never.”

You leaned over him immediately, kissing him. Sandor was pushed on to his back when you leaned on top of him pressing your lips against his. His hand cupped your face, pulling you closer to him as he gripped the blanket over your body.

“I’m alive because of you, Sandor Clegane and because of our child.” You said after pulling away from his lips. Laying your head on his chest, you felt his hands on your bare back. You didn’t let Sandor see the tears roll down your face, the thought of him in pain. The thought of your unborn child dying.

Soon after Sandor laid behind you under the covers. He had gotten up to remove his clothes, before laying back behind you. His arms wrapped around you as you faced the fireplace. One hand under the pillow beneath your head and the other holding Sandor’s hand that rested on your stomach. You kept staring at the fire, thinking about your baby. You thought you weren't pregnant during your trip to Castle Black. You thought it was stress, lack of sleep but you were wrong. Your eyes widened when you thought about your mother.

“Sandor.” You whispered his name. You heard a sleepy hum from him.

“I think I know why I was sick.” You heard a faint, why behind you.

“I remember my mother told me she became very ill when she was pregnant with me. It had to be because I was with a child and without any proper medicine or rest. I just collapsed.” Sandor tense up behind you.

“I’m sorry.” You heard Sandor say in a quavering voice making you tug on his arm tighten so he was closer to you. His front completely pressed against your back. He held you as your body shook while crying. Both of you were mourning over the loss of your child. Mourning what could have been if you survived and had the baby.

Sandor doesn’t remember when he fell asleep but when he woke up. He felt like someone had kicked him in the head. He was sleeping on his stomach, with his head smush against the pillow. The wood was still crackling and he had the blankets on him. Sandor didn’t want to get up, he only did when he noticed he was alone in bed.

He was about to call out your name when he stopped at the sight of you. You were sitting on one of the wooden chairs in the room facing the door. You had your arm resting on the table with the ax in your hand. You turned around when you heard Sandor call out for you.

“What are you doing?” He saw you get up from the chair, you were wearing his tunic shirt.

“Taking watch.” You told him and he let out a small frown.

“Door is locked and there’s a watcher outside. No one is coming. Come.” Sandor moves the blanket for you to come lay back down with him. You looked troubled and it worried him. He waved at you to come back to bed. You looked back at the door and quickly went over to check the locks.

Satisfy that they were lock tight, you went to bed. Sandor casts one last look at the ax on the table when you settle into bed. He looked at the door then the ax again. He kept thinking about how he woke up in the shack and saw you sleeping on the ground near the door with a knife in your hand. You were keeping guard and the words you told him in the courtyard kept running around in his head.

He was spooning you once more, holding you tight against him. Sandor was a southern man, he wasn’t used to the cold, especially this up in the North. Sandor realized as he drifted back to sleep that you were practically radiating with heat. This was new to him, he was always the one burning hot and keeping you warm. He made a note of all the things he noticed since you woke up. You were stronger now, your body heat was high, and your anger was getting to the point that you won't be able to control it.

The warmth was cut short when both of you had to get up to break fast. Afterwards, Sandor had to get ready to go with Jon to King’s Landing. Sandor was finishing with the straps on Stranger when he saw you walking towards him. He grins when Stranger lets out a neigh at the sight of you.

“Good boy.” He heard you whisper to Stranger as you patted its head.

Sandor noticed you walking closer to him, you had reached out your hand. “In case you get hungry.”

“Thank you.” Sandor tells you as he unwraps the bundle of cloth to see jerky. He placed it inside the bag strapped to Stranger.

Sandor looks back at you to see you standing by with your arms crossed over your chest, with your own dark fur cape wrapped around you. He can see the new shoes on your feet. You wouldn’t look at him. Sandor heard Jon alerting the others to hurry along behind him, the gates were opening.

“Stay close with Thoros and Beric. You hear me.” Sandor tells you as he walks near you. He looks ahead and realizes why you wouldn't meet his eyes. There were a few members of the Night Watch standing by the sidelines staring at both of you. His eyes landed on an older man who had a black eye and busted bottom lip. He gives Sandor a scowl look and Sandor remembers the old man's words for mercy when he finished killing his brothers and started to beat him.

“They think I'm going to kill you.” You tell him. Sandor looks away from the old man and looks back at you as he shakes his head. He knew if he didn't tell you sooner that you would find out eventually. Hopefully you won't be too upset, he thought to himself.

“Bunch of idiots.” Sandor lets out a swear under his breath.

“Goodbye.” You tell him. Sandor doesn't move at all, you frowned at him and he grabbed your arm pulling you next to him.

“No farewell kiss?” The light pink blush on your cheeks disappeared when you looked around at the men again.

“They will call you names for kissing me. For kissing a monster.” Sandor let out a chuckle. He had seen real monsters before the ones Beyond the Wall, the ones who hurt the innocent and the one he calls brother but you weren't one.

“I've been called so many names. Another name isn't going to hurt me. What will hurt me is if I don't get a farewell kiss.” You gave Sandor a smile.

Jon looked away when he saw Sandor kissing you. He let out a small smile when he looked over at Ser Davos who had his own smile.

“They care deeply for each other.” Jon nodded at Ser Davos.

“Aye.” Jon answered him as he got off his horse to say his farewell to you when one of the stable boys was walking out with Ghost.

“I’ll see you soon.” Sandor’s words felt heavy on your chest. Both of you will be apart once more. You knew you were going to tear up again, so you walked away from him.

“Ghost!” You heard Jon yelling, looking ahead you let out a smile when you saw the albino dire wolf running towards you. Kneeling down, the wolf began to lick your face. Patting its fur, you giggled loudly when he licked your ear.

“Ghost, relax.” Jon said, making his way to you both.

“I'm happy to see you too.” You told the wolf while scratching behind its ear.

“Would you do me a favor?” Jon asked, you looked up at him and nodded.

“Take him back to Winterfell for me. He should spend time with his original owner.”

“I will. Be careful, your grace.” Jon chuckled at you as you got up. After the dining hall, Jon and you spoke privately. Jon cried in your arms when you told that father would have been proud of him. You told him you were so proud of the man he had become. King of North, Lord Commander, and friend of the Freefolk.

“I’ll see you home, sister.” He pulled you into a hug, you wrapped your arms around his shoulders.

“Home.” You repeated. You long to be home. Jon repeated it as well with a nod. He too missed home. Pulling away, Jon said goodbye to Ghost.

“Safe travels, Lady Y/n.” Looking over your shoulder you saw Daenerys Targaryen riding towards you.

“I look forward to speaking with you at Winterfell.” You nodded at her.

Beric and Thoros came towards you with their own horses. “Ready?”

“Aye.” You answered them as Jon and the rest of them started to depart. While they left Thoros made sure your horse was ready to be straddled and Beric did a final check on their supplies. You tied your cape tightly and made sure your knife was still attached to the belt you wore. Sandor has given you your weapons back before leaving. Thoros had looped the ax in the sack on your horse.

“Pardon me, M’Lady.” You were about to get up on the staddle when you heard a small child behind you. The child was a wilding, you can tell from his clothing. You noticed a group of wildings standing behind the child.

“Yes?” You asked, looking at the brown haired child who had rosy cheeks.

“I wish to say safe travels to the Goddess of The Wolf. “ You had a bewildered look on your face when all of sudden the Wildings stepped into a line in front of you. One by one they all bent down to touch your feet and wished you safe travels. Thoros and Beric were amused by it.

You were going to stop them but didn’t when you saw the face of the last person in line. It was Jon’s friend, Tormund. Jon had introduced you to him and the rest of the men who stood behind Jon. The red head wasn't afraid of you at all. You were nervous that Jon’s friends would come to hate you for what you did but they weren’t. Tormund had told people back in the East Watch about what happened Beyond the Wall. He didn't left any details out when he told everyone about your fight with the dead polar bear.

He gave you a genuine smile when it was his turn. He knelt down on one knee and pressed the tip of his fingers on your feet. “Safe travels, M’Lady.”

“Thank you.” You told him, looking behind him. You noticed the Wildlings were waiting for something but you were unsure what to do so you bowed your head at them and they did the same.

Beric had come down from his horse when they were done and helped you up. Thoros rode next to you as you settled on. Looking behind you, the Wildings were still watching you. You waved at the little boy, he let out a wide toothy smile and waves back, flailing his hand at you.

“Let’s get you home.” Beric told you as the three of you rode out of the gates of the East Watch.

Home, you smiled at the word. You were finally going back home where you belong. You couldn't wait to see it, to see Sansa and see the people again. Your mind drifted back into what Jon told you about Ramsay Bolton, you tightened the rein in your hands as you thought about that bastard. You were going to do exactly what you told Jon in the dining hall.

Beric and Thoros were talking when they noticed you became quiet. They gave each other a concerned look when they saw a smirk on your face and your eyes had a bit of yellow shine to it.

Previous Chapter Next Chapter

TAGLIST:

@spookymicrowave @fruitymoonbeams-blog @abbiesxox @paola-carter @theghostofshadows @swee-thea-rts @dabislut @skyofsteel

#sandor clegane #sandor clegane x reader #games of thrones fanfiction #thewolfamongmen #games of thrones #sandor clegane fanfic #rory mccann #the wolf #killing #survival

206 notes · View notes