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demon-witch-cat · 2 months

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Hi there,

Question for your Branch is Keith’s Unofficial Dad AU (Sorry I can’t remember the actual name of the AU)

How would BroZone react to meeting Keith for the first time? And vice versa.

Also would Keith get along with BroZone?

And would BroZone think Keith is actually Branch’s Son?

Guess I ask more questions than I thought I would😅

(So sorry for taking so long to answer! I feel so bad!)

Don’t worry, I only recently figured out the name! (thanks to @super-secret-agent-of-sin) Though, their relationship is less father-son, and more just big brother-little brother. That’s just how I personally see them! Which is especially funny when you throw in Brozone, Branch’s “actual” brothers.

Before I start, I just real quick want to say that this is for if I stick more closely with cannon, where Floyd is the one captured and Keth just happens to tag along. I have another idea for the AU, where Branch is the one captured, in front of Keith/after saving Keith, instead of Floyd. So, Floyd and Keith both replace/swap with Branch in the journey (If that makes sense). I can talk about that too, but I figured this one would be easier to work with.

Now, I do like to think that there is a moment for each brother (maybe not Floyd, idk) where they’d see this trolling with blue hair, almost the exact same shade of blue as Branches when he was little, holding their youngest brothers hand staring at them with wide blue eyes, and immediately think “Oh shit, this is B’s kid!” And if they say this, Branch will quickly correct their thinking with a “What, no, Keith isn’t my kid! He’s my little brother, who I adore very much!” saying it both proudly, and slightly pettily. With Keith going “Yeah!” Before sticking is tongue out.

Anyways, after that part, I think each brother would have a different reaction and feelings.

KEITH

Starting with Keith, he doesn’t like them. At least at the beginning he doesn’t. In his mind, they left Branch when he was little, and Branch clearly doesn’t like them, so he doesn’t like them. Because of this Keith decides to tag along on the mission so he can ‘protect’ Branch. Over the course of movie, he relaxes a bit with the creepy stares and feirce and childishly blunt comments. However, that doesn’t mean he likes them, especially with all the talk of ‘perfect’ and them calling Branch nicknames he very clearly doesn’t like. Keith doesn’t really understand the entire situation, he just doesn’t like how they just act like everything is normal with Branch. Like they are brothers. He does slowly warm up to them after the events of the movie though. Eventually seeing them all as older brothers as well. Though not after a bunch more creepy glares, blunt comments, and many pranks. Keith can be a menace when he wants to be. Branch will always be his favorite though, and vice versa.

JOHN DORY

John would be surprised, especially with how close they are, and probably feel jealous about it but ultimately take it in stride. Maybe during the fight, he makes a comment on the fact that Keith isn’t really Branch's brother, which sets Branch off even more, but he’d feel bad about it immediately afterwards. Especially seeing the heartbreaking look in Keiths eyes. After the movie’s events, though, he’d be all over it, and I can see him being the first or second brother to win over Keith (after apologizing for the comment). Especially with their common interest in the woods/outdoors (which is also shared with Branch, obviously). I think they could have a cute dynamic, once they get past the cannon drama.

BRUCE

Bruce would also take Branch and Keith being brothers in stride. He’d also feel very proud of Branch, especially when the first interaction he sees between the two is Keith tugging at Branches hand, asking if he can play with his own kids, and Branch turning to look at him in his own question, before agreeing, insisting that he be careful and to not wander off too far. His baby bro is so responsible and clearly a good big brother! Also, his dad instincts would totally kick in when he’s around him (like with tiny), but at the same time he wouldn’t usually get a chance to act on them because Branch was usually already on top of it. Keith looks like he’s wandering too far off? Branch is already calling him back or walking over to him. Keith’s looking nervous about the situation? Branch seems to know exactly what to do to calm the young trolling down. Hug time? The two don’t even think about it, Branch just automatically opens his arms for Keith to immediately jump into(or, even funnier, Keith and Poppy both race to hug Branch, who looks like he’s just accepted it a long time ago) That part does kind of sting though, as when he’d hugged Branch for the first time in years, he was shoved away with an uncomfortable, yet stern look. And then immediately almost being bitten by the green trolling.

CLAY

Clay, for some reason, I see him both the most confused, and maybe the most jealous over this. I don’t know why, it’s not because the two wouldn’t get along, because they would. I just see him being like, “Wait what? You have a little brother? ...How?” Like, same vibe as his late reaction to their grandma having been eaten. But then after Branch giving him a quick explanation, he’d kind of just... Doesn't interact with Keith unless he’d need to. At least during the events of the movie. After the movie events though, Clay would learn that Keith likes to create stories, specifically more morbid stories. Just like Branch, he’d also like to listen to Keith’s stories (I hc that Clay likes a lot of different literature. He just has more of an interest in ‘sad’ books).

FLOYD

Floyd would be like “Aw, your a big brother now too! That’s so sweet!” And then try to talk to Keith, but Keith would immediately just be on edge and glare at him, considering how the others were. This would throw Floyd, and Branch honestly, through a loop, but he’d try his best to get past it. Branch would try to get Keith relax a little bit, but Keith is stubborn and, as I said before, protective. The others already hurt Branch; he doesn’t know if he can trust Floyd not too. Of course, he’s not as much of a menace with Floyd as he is with the others. But it's literally only because he almost died and is still healing. By the time he’s recovered though, Keith would trust/like him enough not to go full menace little brother on him.

Sorry, I just went on a tangent here, but I’d been thinking about this a lot! So, thank you for giving me a chance to talk about it!

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peacereturnedtothevalley · 4 months

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theres a shocking revelation about the production process of media club plus in the latest episode...

also in this chost he says run button originated claps on fatt... deeplore https://cohost.org/KeithJCarberry/post/3859584-also-watch-run-butto

(go listen to the pod from mediaclub.plus or any podcast app its fun)

#keiths brand of being a menace is so funny to me sorry i love it #poor ali #friends at the table #media club plus #tagging hxh even though this clip specifically is not related to it. but go listen to this hxh pod anyway its really good #hunter x hunter #fatt

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klanced · 10 months

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dog au

this is less about designating them as a specific dog breed and more about the Vibes

keith: he’d be one of those dogs that are bred to have a specific job but he’s unemployed (read: house dog) so he just constantly destroys the house and eats the walls. neurotic as fuckkkkkkk. he would calm down if you gave him a sheep or something

allura: one of those dogs that looks like a horse like a greyhound or an afghan hound. if allura was a dog she’d have a long skinny snout and huge soulful eyes that make her look like a prey animal. neurotic as FUCK but she doesn’t eat the walls like keith instead she just micromanages the shit out of her daily walks

shiro: obviously you could type-cast him as one of the Quintessential Japanese Dog Breeds but that’s such low-hanging fruit imo. i do think shiro is one of those dogs that was bred to thrive in subzero temperatures but now he’s forced to live in like san francisco so he constantly suffers from heat exhaustion. he’s still missing one of his front legs in this au idk maybe zarkon hit him with his car or something.

hunk: born to be a teacup dog forced to be Huge. if you compare him in the tags to a golden retriever i will stone you. if hunk was a dog i think he’d be one of those dogs that have beautiful bangs and luscious facial hair like a portuguese water dog. i actually think hunk would have less anxiety if he was a dog

lance: honestly idk what kind of dog lance would be all i can say definitively is that: 1) he’d be one of those dogs with a weird shaped head, and 2) he’d be one of those dogs that were bred to Hunt and Chase. so looooong legs. i also think he would have very short + thin + smooth fur and he wants to be a lap dog so, so, so bad but he unfortunately weighs like 50+ pounds

pidge: i think pidge would be one of those mean as fuck small dogs. like she’s an angel to her family but a total terror at the dog park to the point that you have to walk her at weird hours so there are less dogs around for her to bully. i know pidge is comically short in canon but as a dog i think she’d be a small to medium sized breed. i also think pidge would be some kind of spaniel or one of those dogs that have alarmingly human-like eyes

coran: ok i know i said this wouldn’t be a specific list but coran is CLEARLY some kind of terrier and he is specifically one of those breeds that has glorious muttonchops like an airedale terrier or a scottish terrier. if coran was a dog he’d be the purest kind of purebred with a carefully registered bloodline going back hundreds of generations in scotland

#voltron #keith #allura #shiro #hunk #pidge #lance #coran #shitpost #dog au #katiecanons #i guess. like why not.#this joke was too mean to include in the post: dog lance has thin fur as a reference to his canonically thinning hairline #neurotic as fuck: keith and allura #surprisingly not neurotic: shiro and hunk #they are not neurotic they are just absolute menaces: lance PIDGE and CORAN #i think out of all of them coran would have the best hunting + killing instincts. do you feel me.

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discordiansamba · 4 months

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Shiro: So can we expect to see your dad for visitor's day?

Keith: Hm? Nah. Dad's banned from enterin' Garrison grounds.

Shiro: ...what.

Keith: Yeah. It's a whole thing between 'em. Don't worry 'bout it.

#runaway paladin au #keith: jokes on them. they forgot to ban ME #shiro: Keith. did you join the Garrison to learn how to be a pilot or just to be a menace #keith: yes

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mitsukkii · 7 months

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Eyyy suprise! I haven't been on tumblr or even thought of voltron agere in a hot sec- but fortunately @roylustang posted a bangin fic and we got to be little buddies <3. Please enjoy our hard work from a collab we did! Heres their fic https://archiveofourown.org/works/50633779

Basically the premise is Shiro is Keiths CG but is loopy from an injury and thinks Keith is little when he's very big- poor Shiro is EXPOSING him heehee

#eyyy from 2023 Suki #little!keith #cg!shiro #voltron agere #the team is there too #lance is a menace as usual #me and the bestie cranking out content <3 #thanks for sticking around yall

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one-and-lonely16 · 2 years

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Ok ok Keith playing really well with one of Lance’s siblings and then the sibling says something about Lance always talking about Keith

Or the paladins having a spa day

Or the paladins at the beach

this ended up being longer than intended but i fucking loved writing it because nadia and silvio are so fun to write so here we go:

--------------------

“Ahhh, no, you’ve defeated me!” Lance cried out in mock hurt as Nadia jumped on him. He stifled a grunt when her knee landed in his stomach. She giggled and Silvio planted a foot on Lance’s hip.

“You were no match for us heroes, you vile creature!” he cheered, although he had a slight lisp from the gap in his mouth from where he recently lost his top front tooth.

The sound of a phone ringing cut off what Nadia was going to say. The three snapped their heads to where Lance’s phone was sitting on the sofa. Silvio stood up straighter to see who it was.

“Hey, it’s that Keith guy!”

Lance scrambled up the answer the phone, but Silvio and Nadia held onto his legs, dragging him down. Whilst Silvio tried to wrestle Lance to the ground, Nadia clambered over to get the phone. Just as she grasped the phone, Lance’s long arms scooped her up. He had Silvio writhing and pinned down lightly under his knee. Both kids giggled and Nadia held the phone out of reach, swiping to answer. She managed to squirm out of Lance’s grip and brought the phone to her ear, giggling and running away.

“Hi, Mr Keith,” she said, squealing as Lance ran to chase her.

“Nadia!” he yelled, tripping over his own feet.

“No, Tìo Lance can’t come to the phone right now, me and Silvio just defeated him.”

“Nadia Mcclain you give me that phone right now!”

Lance finally got a hold of her and wrestled the phone out of her hand.

“Keith,” he panted, sitting on the floor, holding onto Nadia so she couldn’t run away. “Hi.”

“Hey, Lance,” Keith’s amused voice came through the speakers.

“To what do I owe the pleasure- oof!” Silvio came bounding over and jumped on Lance once again.

“Hi, Mr Keith!” he yelled into both the phone and Lance’s ear. Lance winced.

Keith chuckled. “Hi, Silvio.”

Lance shoved Silvio away playfully and stood up so neither children could grab the phone. Silvio hugged Lance’s leg so when he tried to walk, it made it so he had to drag Silvio along with him and Nadia jumped up and grabbed onto the arm that was holding the phone to his ear. She swung from his arm, giggling loudly.

“What’s up?” Lance breathed out.

“I was going to ask if you were free to hang out, but I’m guessing you’re not.”

“Sadly not, Luis needed me to look after the twins today. So unless you want to babysit with me here, then I can’t.”

“Ok, I’ll be there in 5 minutes.”

Lance stopped in his tracks. “What?”

“You said if I want to hang out with you I have to help you babysit the twins. And I’m already almost at your house so.”

“So you were going to show up whether I could hang out or not?”

“Pretty much.”

Lance chuckled and ran his free hand through his hair. “Of course. Well, I suppose I could use a helping hand.”

“Thought so.”

After saying goodbye, Lance hung up. Nadia was still hanging from his arm and Silvio was still wrapped around his leg but both had gone quiet, listening to the conversation.

“Is Keith coming over?” Nadia asked hopefully.

Lance grinned and lifted his arm up so he could hold her in his arms. “Yep.”

They cheered and Silvio tried to scale Lance’s body. He shifted his weight so he could hold Nadia with one arm and with a groan lifted Silvio up with the other. He marched over to the sofa with both of them then collapsed back onto it. The twins didn’t move off of Lance, instead just moving so they could sit on his chest.

“Why is Keith coming over?” Silvio asked.

“To help me look after you stinky children.”

Nadia wrinkled up her nose. “We aren’t stinky.”

“Yes you are. Keith told me he could smell you from his car.”

“No he didn’t.”

“Yes he did.”

“No he didn’t.”

“How do you know he didn’t?”

“Because Keith is nice, and you’re just mean.”

Lance gasped in mock offense. “How dare you insult your beloved tìo like that! After I’ve slaved away looking after you. I suppose I should just leave you with Keith when he gets here.” The twins cheered. “However, I should let you know, Keith can’t cook.”

Their faces dropped.

“What?” said Silvio, sounding slightly horrified.

“Keith can’t cook. The man lives of packet noodles. I think it’s because his hair obscures his vision whenever he tries to see what he’s doing, then ends up burning the food.”

Nadia gasped. “He burns the food?”

“Yep.”

“That’s horrible! Why haven’t you tried to teach him how to cook?”

Lance sighed. “Keith Kogane doesn’t like to be told what to do. Trust me, I’ve tried.”

Nadia narrowed her eyes at Lance for a moment and tilted her head. “Is Keith your boyfriend?”

Lance’s eyes went wide and his face grew hot. “What? No! Why would you- I mean he’s hot I guess- His mullet- he would never- I can’t believe-” He took a deep breath to cut himself off. “No. Keith isn’t my boyfriend.”

Silvio frowned. “Wait, really? Cause Papá says-”

The sound of the doorbell ringing cut Silvio off. The twins scrambled off of Lance and rushed over to the door, yelling different variations of “Keith”. Lance ran after them.

“Nadia! Silvio! Don’t you dare open that door, it might not be Keith!” he yelled.

When he finally reached the door, he was glad to find neither of them had opened the door. He peered through the peep hole to see Keith standing there. His faced morphed into a grin and he flung the door open.

Keith only had a brief moment to smile at Lance before Nadia and Silvio ran at him, shouting greetings. Keith stumbled a bit but managed to stay standing.

“Hi Keith!” Nadia shouted.

“Keith, look! My tooth fell out!” Silvio yelled over the top of her, shoving her out of the way and pointing at the gap.

Keith raised his eyebrows. “Wow, very cool.”

“The toothfairy came and gave me two whole pounds!”

“You’re basically rich.”

Silvio nodded. “Tìo Lance said that when my other teeth become wobbly he will help me pull it out so I get the money faster!”

Keith raised an eyebrow and looked at Lance amused. “Did he now?”

Lance scratched the back of his neck. “Tìo Lance also said not to tell anyone he told you that.”

“No you didn’t, you just said not to tell Mamá, Papá and Abuela. You didn’t say I couldn’t tell Keith.”

Nadia tugged at Keith’s sleeve. “Pick me up!”

Lance folded his arms. “Nadia, use your manners.”

“Please, pick me up, Keith.”

Keith did as she asked and she grinned. “Happy now, princess?”

Nadia nodded. “You have bigger muscles than Tìo Lance.”

Lance gasped dramatically and Keith laughed.

“That’s because he has noodle arms and I go to the gym.”

“Betrayal,” Lance hissed. “Get inside, Mullet, before you freeze to death or I change my mind about letting you in.”

They went back inside and through to the living room. As soon as they got there, Silvio grabbed onto Keith’s hand, trying to drag him over to his new pretend sword he got and Nadia was bombarding him with questions (mainly about cooking and his hair which earnt Lance a side glare.) Lance smiled warmly at the scene.

“Guys, don’t crowd the poor man,” he chided.

Keith grinned at Lance. “It’s fine, you take a break for a bit, I can handle them for a bit.”

“Well, if that’s the case, I’ll go refill their drinks. Want anything?”

“Just a cup of water, please.”

“Coming up.”

When Lance came through with the drinks, he chuckled at the scene in front of him. Keith was running around with Silvio on his shoulders cackling and yelling “Fly dragon, fly!”. Nadia chased them with the fake sword, declaring how “You cannot escape the clutches of justice, evil witch! Your dragon can only fly for so long!” Keith let out a monotone roar, causing Silvio to giggle.

Lance set everything on the coffee table and sat on the sofa, watching them play. He spotted the car on the floor and his eyes went wide as Keith’s foot landed directly on it. He gasped as Keith slipped backwards. Lance shot up from his seat and ran over, hoping to whatever was out there that neither of them were hurt.

Keith had somehow managed to manoeuvre Silvio off of his shoulders and into his arms, cradling him and protecting him from the fall. Silvio stood, completely uninjured whilst Keith thudded his head on the floor with a groan.

“Christ, that kid is heavier than he looks,” Keith grumbled.

Lance leant over him. “Are you ok?”

Keith sat up, hand gingerly touching his side. “Probably gonna have a massive bruise in the morning, but aside from that, fine. Is Silvio ok?”

“I’m fine! Thank you for saving me, Keith,” Silvio chirped.

“Thank god,” Lance sighed. He hit Keith’s shoulder. “Watch where you’re going next time, idiot. “ He brought Keith into a hug. “You sure you’re ok?”

“Well you squeezing me isn’t helping.”

Lance quickly let go. “Oh my god, I am so sorry.”

Keith grinned. “Dude, I’m fine.”

Lance stood up, resolve on his face. “I’ll go get you some ice for your side. It will help with the bruising.”

“Lance, really, I’m fine-”

“Nope! I don’t want to hear it! You have no choice in the matter.”

Keith chuckled as Lance marched out of the room.

When Lance came back for a second time, he found Keith sitting on the sofa, Nadia and Silvio sitting on one of his knees each. Lance paused in the doorway, eavesdropping on the conversation.

“Do you like Tìo Lance?” Nadia asked.

“Of course I do, he’s my friend.”

“Yeah, but do you like like him?”

Keith chuckled. “Maybe.”

“You can tell us, you know. We wont tell him,” Silvio piped in.

“Well, Lance has super hearing, so while I trust you two, he might overhear what I say,” Keith explained. The twins nodded in understanding, faces completely serious. Lance felt an easy smile slip onto his face and his face warm up.

“Tìo Lance always talks about you,” Silvio said.

“Oh, does he now?”

“Yep!” Nadia joined in, popping the ‘p’. “He’s always like ‘Oh Keith is so amazing and cool’ and ‘Keith’s hair is so hot’ and ‘his eyes are so pretty’.”

“He talks about your hair a lot,” Silvio added.

Nadia nodded. “And about how strong you are. Everything really. Even when he’s annoyed, he ends up saying nice things about you, it’s weird.”

“Oh really? And how do you two know this?”

“We hear him on calls to Hunk. And ranting to Tìa Ronnie,” Silvio admitted.

“And Papá says he can’t wait for the day Lance finally takes you out on a date and he wants to give you the ‘big brother’ talk or whatever but Mamá always talks him out of it,” Nadia explained.

Keith chuckled nervously. “Well, can’t say I’m looking forward to that.”

“Would you let Tìo Lance take you out on a date? Because I think he really wants to-”

Lance decided then that he should interrupt this before he combusted on the spot from embarrassment.

“Alright then! Here’s your ice.” Lance shoved the ice into Keith’s hands and dropped down next to him. If he noticed how embarrassed the other looked, he didn’t point it out.

“Thanks.”

“So, what were you guys talking about in here?” Lance asked, feigning innocence.

Whilst he thought Lance wasn’t looking, Keith glanced at the twins who were giggling and sent them a wink.

“Nothing much. They were telling me why Luis or Lisa needed someone to babysit today.”

Lance rolled his eyes. He’s lucky he’s pretty, cause he’s shit at lying.

#i know u asked for siblings but i feel nadia and silvio fit so much better #klance #voltron #lance mcclain #keith kogane #klance fic #they're menaces and i love them #best wingchildren

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kickis-conan-king · 8 months

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Hey Keith-uh. Uh what are you thinking about? You good,man?

#I just wanted an excuse to draw a pin-up of lance #what are backgrounds even actually #so.#extremely sexy bisexual menace Lance #once again on my #give make characters body hair!!!#soapbox lol #ft chibi Keith bc I am an anime weeb girl at heart #klance #lance mcclain #keith kogane #voltron #lance #keith voltron #lance voltron #my art #fanart #klance fanart

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waugh-bao · 1 year

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Keith (tries) to give Charlie a kiss on the cheek, and then guides him over to take a bow (1995)

#the man is a menace #but a very wholesome one #most of the time #the rolling stones #charlie watts #keith richards #old married band #mick jagger #ronnie wood #gifset #gif set

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autisticlancemcclain · 2 years

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Allura looks horrified. “Are humans really so frail that you regularly break your bones? The supports that guarantee your mobility and structure? And that’s just common?”

The paladins, who are giggling at her indignance, have to concede to her point.

“Yeah, it’s not great, but humans aren’t really all that well-built,” Pidge explains after she had gathered herself. “And most broken bones happen to elderly people — after they’ve weakened considerably from being alive so long — or young children, because they’re so reckless and clumsy. I broke my arm when I was 2 because I tripped and fell down the stairs.”

Allura still looks disturbed, but she loves hearing stories from Earth, so she’s determined to get more information.

“Was it painful?”

Pidge nods. “I mean, I think? I was so little I barely remember it.”

“I broke my finger when I was 11,” Keith offers. “It hurt, but it was only a finger, so it wasn’t excruciating. It was more annoying.”

Allura shakes her head. “That is such a human thing to say. You all have such a ridiculously high pain tolerance — no other species I’ve ever known treats a broken bone like an inconvenience! It’s absurd.”

“Yeah, it honestly is a huge inconvenience,” Lance says, huffing a laugh. “I broke my arm and my leg in five places when I was a seven, and it was so painful, but I hated those six months of casts more than I ever felt the pain of the injuries.”

Five heads swivel to Lance’s in horror.

“Were you in an accident?” Shiro asks.

“If you can call ‘five unsupervised McClain children and a trampoline’ an accident,” Hunk snorts.

Lance rolls his eyes. “Oh, shut up. You were right there too, ya jerk. If I didn’t take the tumble, you would’ve been the one with the ridiculous story to tell.”

“No way! I told you guys you were being stupid, but none of you listened to me.”

“Liar! You —”

“As much as I love watching you two argue,” Pidge interjects, “I would love to hear what shenanigan went so wrong that Lance shattered his bones.”

“And his brother’s bones,” Hunk adds. Pidge raises her eyebrows.

Lance rolls his eyes again. “I refuse to take the blame for that. Luis was 17, he should have been the voice of reason! It’s not my fault he’s a dumbass.”

“I never thought I’d say this,” Keith says, “but please, Hunk, let Lance talk. I have to hear what happened.”

“Aw, Mullet, I always knew you loved the sound of my voice.”

“Never mind. I don’t care,” Keith says, scowling.

Lance smirks at him. “Sure. I’ll just tell everyone else later. You can be the only one who doesn’t get to hear.”

“…Fine, jerk, I want to hear it. Will you tell the stupid story already?”

Lance grins, satisfied. “Alright, alright. Okay, picture: Varadero, summer of 2009. Fine sunny day, mid afternoon. Both my parents work over the summer, so it was just me and my siblings — all of whom were significantly older than me and were supposed to be the voices of reason, might I add — and we were bored. An important thing to note is that we had a trampoline in the backyard. A pretty big one, at that. And trampolines are fun and all, but only for so long, and they’re not really a group activity. Well. I came up with the idea to try and set the world record for highest jump.”

Pidge grimaces.

“Oh, yikes, I think I can see where this one is going.”

Lance shushes her. “Quiet, smarty pants, I’m telling a story! Okay. So. My brother Luis had just graduated high school, and was headed towards a degree in physics. He explained that if I laid on the trampoline, and then all my siblings jumped at the same time, I would go really high since I was really small. We tried it, it worked, it was great. He went on to explain that if all my siblings jumped at the same time when I hit the surface again after falling back down, I’ll go even higher. Well. We did this several times, getting higher and higher. Hunk was not on the trampoline, because he was scared, and he told us it was a bad idea, but I was having the time of my life, so I convinced everyone to try and get me to go higher than the house.”

Keith looks at Lance in alarm.

“Why would you do that? That’s stupid!”

“We were high off the adrenaline of the moment! I felt like I was flying! You look me in the eyes and tell me seven-year-old Keith wouldn’t do the same.” Lance defends.

Keith opened his mouth to argue, but Shiro speaks before he can, raising an eyebrow at his little brother.

“I hope you’re not about to lie and say you wouldn’t, bud, because I happen to have known seven-year-old Keith, who was a menace and regularly tried to skateboard off the roof for fun.”

Keith sputters as everyone laughs.

“Yeah, yeah, alright, fine. I get it.” He scowls, crossing his arms. After a moment he glances at Lance, unable to hide his curiousity. “Did you? Get higher than the house?”

Lance winces. “I did, unfortunately. A huge gust of wind blew just as I reached the peak of the jump, and — look, I was a really small kid, okay? I didn’t hit a hundred pounds until I was, like, 12. In 2009 I was maybe 76 pounds soaking wet, the wind was a huge issue for me. It blew me right to the side, and I was literally plummeting to my death. Luckily Luis had fast reflexes, and he jumped off the trampoline to catch me.”

Lance had everyone captivated at this point — leaning on the edges of their seats, unwilling to miss a word. Even Hunk, who was literally present at the time. Lance’s stories always made people want to stop and listen — it was just part of the Blue Paladin’s charm.

“Unluckily,” Lance continues, “Luis was a klutz, 17, and not very strong, so we both hit the ground. Also, he dropped me. I broke all my aforementioned bones, and Luis broke an ankle.” Everyone winces, with the exception of Hunk, who side eyes Lance before speaking up.

“I want you all to guess if any of those boneheads learnt their lesson,” he asks. Lance huffed, elbowing his best friend.

“We were careful the next time! We had pillows! And Rachel had 911 pre-dialled!” he argues, as if that was a sensible thing to say and not at all insane.

Allura gapes at him. “You broke your bones, suffered immensely, and then you did it again?” she demands.

“I told you! I always wanted to fly. Besides,” Lance shrugs sheepishly. “None of us were very good at risk assessment. It’s all fine though. We did that several more times in our lives and I only shattered my bones the one time. All is well!”

No one really knows how to respond to that, except for Hunk, who had grown up with Lance ‘Walking Hazard’ Esposita-McClain and was well-used to his particular brand of indifference towards his continued existence.

“Do you have any idea how lucky you are to be alive?”

Lance beams at him, hands placed delicately under his chin. “Oh, c’mon, Hunky-bear, it’s not like. I’m too cute to die. The universe loves me.”

129 notes · View notes