Amazing how from the time this was posted by Xiao Zhan Studio, within 17 minutes, this post has already received 3.2 million likes.. amazing!

not something I usually post but some personal reflection about religion :

christianity and especially the reformation have been great interests of mine for a long time and that's why I started to look into studying theology. I went into it almost completely non-religious, but now, after I've been at it for a while, I think my feelings about my own spirituality have changed.

even with my interest and respect towards christianity I've always rejected the thought of actually being christian (I am part of a church and have been baptised but that's mostly because it has become a secular tradition, at least in my country, whether you're religious or not) and I genuinely think it's just because of the misrepresentation of christianity. I mean no hate when I say this but I feel like the people who are the loudest about christianity are a lot of times also people who know the least about the nuances of the religion, and I think a lot of us can agree behaviour like that is very off-putting.

however after diving into theology (which is taught at our uni in a way that doesn't involve or require anyone to be religious) I feel like my world view has changed. I had never before actually given much thought to what I personally think about God or whether he exists or not beyond my "I'm not religious" stance. courses at the uni however introduced to me all sorts of theories and arguments regarding God which I've spent great deal thinking about and I have come to the conclusion that *gasp* I do believe in God. or I guess it would be more accurate to say that I feel like I cannot realistically deny the existence of God.

so when we break down christianity to the most basic elements it's about the belief in God, right? does that mean that I now identify myself with the christian religion? I'm honestly not sure. I feel like this realisation is the start of a journey for me and I don't know where it's headed yet but I guess I really just wanted to document this and get my thoughts out

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i generally don't like talking about my ex girlfriend. this is because despite us not really being in contact at all anymore i still hold her in very positive regard. i don't resent her at all, tho i feel like i gave her plenty of reasons to resent me. it just doesn't feel fair to her, i guess?

but still, she was such a central part of my life for around ten years, literally the entirety of my adult life up until a little over a year ago. so i still end up thinking about her often. i always told myself that if things stopped working out with her i would probably never want to date anyone again. and for a while i was sure i didn't

it took someone very deeply special for me to decide to enter anything even resembling that world again. it had to feel right. i had to know. i really don't like "dating" and i especially don't like how i had to eventually learn that at what feels like my ex's expense. i still love her and i constantly wish i could have been exactly what she needed without putting so much strain on both of us to try and reshape myself into that. and i tried very, very hard

but with ame it's just.. surreal. i'm already exactly what she needs by just being myself, and she's everything that i need. i had no idea something like this could feel so natural. i appreciate it every single day. and im thankful for what i learned along the way that's allowing me to be so good at this now

ever since i was a teenager i never liked the idea of relationships being "stepping stones" of a sort. of learning how to be better for someone else after having to leave the last person behind. i still don't. im sorry, mary. but thank you. i want to not fuck this up for your sake, as well as hers

Maybe this is CPTSD of me but I never find it a HUUGEE deal when celebrities cheat on their partner. Does it make them a shitty person? Yeah totally; but I can't find it a serious thing to be upset over. I mean you got some ppl out here being real abusers and a celebrity cheating is in the same category? Nah not really.

i feel like i was more of a jerk just a short while ago. i'll still get into Discourse, and i will talk smack sometimes, but i regret doing things like subtweeting specific people or going really hard into someones worldview just cuz of bad cartoon opinions. it was too much lol

dont get me wrong i am still proudly a Cringe SU Defender and all that - but i could get too intense about it. or too judgmental of others for the "crime" of having bad taste. i do regret that even if im not perfect about it now either. especially when its specific people.

oof reading the things some of yall are saying about bad, like his vacation time and stuff just really highlights how he is not okay. The poor lad is going through it and he doesn't know how to ask for help.

I hope he does get the help he needs. They all need a bit of help. Trapped on the island of horrors. He just wants his Skeppy around to help him, just a little bit of support. Bad's been doing the single parent thing for so long, trying to be a pillar for others to rely on but he's at the end of his rope.

I’m starting to think I had it all wrong. It’s not that other people are breaking my heart. I mean, I cared and they hurt me, left me, forgot me, ignored me… But…

But maybe I’m the one that keeps on breaking my own heart.

i figured out i was autistic last autumn and ive been trying to partake in more like. autism positivity stuff for myself but ive found that i feel. really disconnected from a lot of it. so much of the stuff ive seen still feels infantilizing. i dont identify with the bright colored stim toys or bright patterned graphics or anything like that. it feels less like im being respected as an autistic adult and more like someone is jingling keys in front of me to make me pay attention

sometimes i think about how i was 17 and thinking that i was getting older and achieving stuff ‘later’ than i was supposed to

6 years later i’m 23 and thinking about how young i am and how i wish i could go back and tell younger me that we have so much more time than we ever thought

man, being socially active and being a consistent presence in friend groups is so... unmotivating right now. like-- i don't feel the need to talk or be amongst others, just wanna vibe by myself while still having friendships. maybe it's a residual effect from eclipse season not too long ago?

whatever it may be, it's lessened my social battery capacity and i can't help but feel a teensy bit anxious about the change. there's sucha small number of people i feel like interacting with on the daily. small enough for me to count on a single hand.

for all i know, it could be the next maturity stage of my life. i mean, i am nearing the beginning of my 30's; my entire life until now has been about being a presence amongst the lives of other people. maybe now the universe is telling me you've given your attention to others, now it's time to draw that inward and start giving yourself your needed attention.

even personal tastes and fixations have shifted, and some of you might've noticed it. i'm not as involved with mha/bnha as i used to be. sure, it's an interest, but it's more on side. i'm indifferent to any updates or shared media about the series lmao fml

You ever think how weird it is that adults who live with their parents will usually say something like "I live at home". Don't get me wrong, I do it too, but it is objectively a weird phrase. Of course you live at home, home is what you call the place you live. I wonder if it ties into the idea that your parents home is your first home and therefore is really 'home'. Plus, I've never seen married adults do this or adults who have kids and don't live with their parents.

I just thought it was one of those everyday phrases that's actually really weird when you think about it.

you know what boils my blood.

over the last 2 weeks, i've seen countless patients walk into my urgent care center, symptomatic for so many things, refusing to get tested for covid and flu, citing that they don't want to knowingly bring it to their holiday tables. i had a patient tell me, verbatim, "i don't want to test for covid, because i don't want to be the asshole who brings it on a plane."

i understand that - i understand that holidays are times where people look forward to meeting loved ones that they might only see once a year, or where they get a break from the hectic back and forth of their lives.

but here's the thing - whether they get tested or not, they will bring whatever they have to their holiday tables. it's pure recklessness to know that you're sick, and walk into someone else's house spreading the disease.

today, january 2, i saw 91 patients, many of them who have tested positive for covid and flu. many of these patients are the same ones who didn't want testing 3 days ago, until their events were over, and now, they will have to reach out to everyone they know to let them know that they were positive because they were showing symptoms well before their event.

the next week or two? we're going to see many, many more, all people with symptoms that started around christmas. these are the only two viruses we test for rapidly in our office, but they are potent and can be fatal in many people.

so here's why i wrote this post, and maybe it's a little late, but - if you care about your loved ones, please get tested if you know you're sick. it doesn't have to be at a clinic if you don't want it to, because the over-the-counter tests work just fine too (if you test within 5-7 days of symptom onset). just...please don't try to run from the knowledge that you might have covid, because immunocompromised people, elderly people, people with co-morbidities like asthma, pregnancy, diabetes, etc...many of them may not recover. and they may not be sitting at your holiday table in the future because of it.

I’ve been thinking, I might reconsolidate all my posting blogs back into this one. It’s so strange to follow people on one blog and post on the other. Furthermore, I am like a bit more open about my interests now, I think I might be good for me mentally too to have it all together again…..

I’ve been thinking about the fact that Drift and Deadlock are actually the same person

There are so many tv shows where someone thinks they are unlovable and is very lonely but somehow becomes surrounded by the people that love them and finally gets all the closeness and the found family and all that and I keep wanting for the same thing to happen to me and daydreaming about it because I keep forgetting life is not a tv show and reality doesn’t work like that so I just have to accept that I may have people to talk to but not people to be close with… and it breaks my heart

question: do ppl ACTUALLY say things they don’t mean when they’re angry? or is that just an excuse after letting something true slip? i wouldn’t ever say something i don’t mean in anger, so the concept confuses me.

but something was said to me that is bothering me, though apparently was said in an argument and wasn’t meant. but i don’t rlly believe it wasn’t like, deep down true thoughts/feelings??? anyone have any insight? anyone say things they don’t mean in anger?

EDIT: this was a hastily worded post that i didn’t expect to get notes. this is a genuine question asked in good faith that i got a lot of amazing answers to!

also re: the many ppl saying “OP is lying about not saying things they don’t mean in anger because everyone does it”— i genuinely have never done that. if i say something mean while angry, i meant it. that’s literally why i asked this question and why the concept confuses me, because i wouldn’t do something like that so i wanted perspective from people who do it. idk why y’all can’t believe that lmao not everyone is as prone to anger and outbursts